Not exactly February anymore, is it? Valentine’s day is long gone. So what’s this weird, saccharine thing about? Why all the romance? Well, it is about to be April—April 1st, to be precise—and there has been a mighty hunger among the Discord community for something… strange. A joke, which just won’t go away. That’s why…
This week’s prompt is:
The Love Story of [???] & [???]
RULES ARE MODIFIED FOR THIS WEEK!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!
If you haven’t picked up in it by now, this week y’all are gonna be writing slash-fic.
Yes. You read that right.
NOTE: this is not an excuse to write erotica. Most of the usual rules apply, but the thing we’re losing this week is the ban on fan fiction (read the new temporary rules for more on this). So go crazy. Slot whatever characters, people, deities, entities… I don’t know… objects? Sure. Objects. Slot whatever things you want into the [???] placeholders in the prompt and write that story.
I’m looking forward to the sheer discomfort you’re all about to make me feel. I’m sure you are too.
But! For those who are still aching to write something a little more serious, you can do that! Just slot two of your original characters into those spaces and tell us that story. Heck, you could even write “The Love Story of Fear & Necessity” and present us with something truly abstract and fascinating about sentient emotions, grappling with each other within a person.
There’s still room for whatever brand of creativity you want to put to work here…
But there’s also room for some of the goofy things I know y’all have been aching to write forever…
You depraved creatures. You know who you are…
Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.
Tune into the stream this Friday at 7:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!
The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit, and get ready to help each other improve their confidence in their writing, as well as their skill with their craft!
Rules and Guidelines
We read six stories during each stream, three of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected from among the top ten most-liked of each post, so be sure to share your submissions on social media and with your friends!
- English only.
- Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
- One submission per participant.
- Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
- Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
- Submissions close at 4:00pm CST each Friday.
- Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name).
- Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
- Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
- Write something brand new (no re-submitting past entries or stories written for other purposes).
- Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
- THIS IS DIFFERENT: Please format your submission as “Submission Title: The Love Story of [???] & [???]” by Author Name and be sure to separate paragraphs. Of course, replace [???] with the name of each character/person in question. (Example Submission)
- YOU MAY WRITE FAN FICTION THIS WEEK ONLY. No slander or defamation, however. You can make characters act silly, but please don’t portray Shrek as a rapist.
- PROVIDE CONTEXT. After your story, include a small blurb in parenthesis about where these characters came from. If they’re original characters, just say that. This will not contribute to your word count. (Example: (Context: This story includes Gollum, from Lord of the Rings, and The Pale Man, from Pan’s Labyrinth)).
- Original art may be included in your submission, but is not guaranteed to be shown on stream. Only .jpeg format images shared via a direct link will be accepted. (Example Submission) (Information on “Direct Links”)
- No additional formatting (such as italics or bold text) will be applied to the text of submissions. Symbols or instruction indicating such formatting may render your submission ineligible.
- You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible, and your reviews must be at least 50 words long. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
- Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.
Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.
The Creation of Glass — the love story of lightning and sand
Come, look at this glass star with me. Do you know why everyone has these? Do you know why we keep so many precious things in glass?
Let me tell you how glass was formed, why we have this gift.
In the first days, two spirits of earth and fire loved each other dearly, but they could never touch. Whenever fire’s fingers reached to brush her love, she would scorch the earth, leaving scars. And when earth tried to embrace fire, his dust would smother and choke her.
They yearned to be close, but their touch would only lead to harm, and so they reluctantly agreed to remain apart. But love is not so patient, and their need grew stronger. As they grieved, they changed. The earth spirit’s many stones broke up into uncountable grains of sand, spreading over land and into the many veins of the water spirits.
Fire’s desire refined her and strengthened her, until she transformed into sharp bolts of white hunger. Lightning snapped and snatched at the clouds and the trees, lighting them with new fire spirits. As she looked down and saw the flames dancing near her beloved earth, desperation consumed her. Once more, she reached out to caress the sand.
She drew back quickly, afraid she had hurt him. But something else had happened. Where lightning had touched sand, there was a glowing, solid star on the ground. Instead of a wound, their touch had created something new! It was glass, raw and spiky as coral.
Oh, happiest day! Joyfully, the lightning spirit kissed the sand again and again, creating more stars. A gift, and a proof of their love. The lovers laughed and danced in celebration. After so long, they could be close. And they could create something new!
Later, when all the spirits came together and created our parents of parents, lightning and sand gave them stars, and the knowledge to create their own. We obey, creating useful and beautiful things from glass. We keep glass stars in our homes to honor them. And we remember the true power in strongest love.
(Context: This is a creation myth! Most of the natural phenomena need no explanation, but I wanted to personify them and get in on that good good humoral element trope. Those “solid stars” are real things called fulgurites! Though it’s doubtful real-life lightning has any strong feelings about the sand it strikes, it really creates trippy spiky rock things. Below is a random fulgurite photo I found.)
The Love Story of Gatte and Benji (featuring Zendrelax), by Cain (DarkBlur2005)
Benji groaned as he rubbed the bridge of his nose, giving himself a second of rest from staring at paperwork and a computer screen.
In two months from this day, the first TaleCon was planned to occur, and Benji, Gatte and Zen were working every hour of every day since it was in the planning stage to set it all up, to make it perfect. But recently, the amount of work being done had been getting to Benji.
“You doing alright, boss man?” he heard his deep voiced companion inquire from behind him. Benji turned to see his two friends, Gatte and Zen looking at him in concern, seeing the tired look on his face and how he seemed to be slouching in tiredness.
“I’m fine guys, really. I’m just a bit tired today, with all the work we’ve been doing lately” Benji forced out. This prompted Gatte and Zen to look at each other, giving a unanimous nod, before they reached over and picked up their boss, much to his surprise.
“H-hey! What are you two doing?” He questioned, too tired to properly fight back.
“You’ve been running yourself ragged trying to get TaleCon set up, so we’re forcing you to get some rest. Don’t worry about the work, we’ll handle it while you rest.” The bearded Zendrelax stated, as they carried him to the couch. Gatte sat down, and Zen placed Benji on the couch so that his head was resting on Gatte’s lap.
“Thanks guys, I appre*yawn*ciate it.” Benji tiredly stated, as he started to drift off. Gatte and Zen shared a smirk, unbeknownst to Benji, and both turned to the lower half of Benji’s body.
“UwU, what’s this?” Benji heard, and his eyes shot open in horror, only to find his friends laughing.
“Happy April Fools day, Benji!” The admins said through their laughter, and Benji had to suppress a chuckle himself, as he drifted into the realm of Morpheus.
(Context: Benji is the creator of the Tale Foundry YouTube Channel, and the owner of the Tale Foundry Discord, Gatte and Zendrelax are his two Admins,basically the secondary heads of the foundry when Benji is incapable of being there to lead)
“The mountainside: the love story of Jonathan & Sarah” by gregovin [Aleph null science fiction universe]
Jonathan, Sarah, and a few of their friends were hiking in the park.
They all stopped at a clearing in the trees with a gorgeous view, and they decided to eat lunch there.
As they ate, Jonathan responded to Sarah’s thoughts on a new development in the biological sciences. After they finished their sandwiches, they continued talking in a fairly normal pattern for them, and an aura of positive emotional energy seemed to form about them. It was almost irrelevant what they were talking about. Someone would mention something and they would have some discussion before Jonathan would point out some random esoteric thing and Sarah would build off that, then they would spiral down a rabbit hole of ever increasing excitement about whatever they were discussing before simply running out of things to say. One of them would mention something else, and this cycle repeated at least 3 times.
Then something unexpected occurred. Sarah leaned over and kissed Jonathan. He was quite shocked and failed to process this development for approximately one eternity, then kissed her back. He then proceeded to say
“Well, uh, I think I like you. Let’s do that again.”
“I like you too.”
“Want to go to the ice cream store on Friday?”
“Are you suggesting a date?”, she responded half jokingly
He deadpanned “Define date.”
“Jon!”, she teased.
As the rest of the group finished their break, the two simply lay on the grass watching the clouds, happy to simply be.
(Context: these are my original characters in the Aleph Null universe)
Title: I Love You, Ayase. The Love Story of Ayase and Saisho
Written By: T.S.G. Sager, Edited By: Dukki.
(Translation Notes: Saisho (Sigh – Show) Gurandosuta (Gu – Rand – Doe – Sue – Ta)
Ayase (Eye – Ya – Say) Mikage (Me – Kah – Gay)
Santaru (San – Tar – Rue) Narushisitu (Nar – Rue – She – See – Too)
Sabu (Sah – Boo) )
The familiar sounds of a Koenigsegg Regara d’Elegance roared it’s engine as it passed through the gates of Mikage Manor. The supercar parked outside the doors of the grand building, and out stepped none other than Saisho Gurandosuta.
Saisho carried with him a bouquet of brilliant tsubaki, a flower which meant perfect love. He rang the bell, and did one final check to make sure his appearance was tip-top. The door opened.
“Good day Gurandosuta-sama, I suppose you’re here to see Mikage-hime.” Sabu, the house butler, greeted.
“Yes, is she in?” He asked, hoping he could catch her by surprise.
“Yes, but she’s temporarily busy with a guest. Would you like to step in and wait for her to be finished with her present arrangements?”
“Right this way then, Gurandosuta-sama.”
Sabu led Saisho to the parlour room. Saisho could hear piano playing in a far off room of the manor. Perhaps she was being entertained by Omoshiro Gatte-san.
“Can I offer you anything to drink while you wait?”
“Right away sir.” Sabu left, and moments later brought him the beverage. Saisho waited. He would wait forever for someone as perfect as Ayase. She wasn’t superficial like the other women who chased after him, and he respected her deeply for being a true friend. But he loved her. More than anyone. Seconds ticked on the clock which hung above, each second seeming like eternity to him.
She peered in after awhile. “I’m sorry Saisho-kun, Santaru and I are working on music and could be awhile. Was there anything I could do for you?”
‘Blast that Narushisitu.’ he thought. “No, I don’t mind waiting.”
“Are you sure?” She asked, cocking her head.
He bit his lip in response, it was now or never. He picked up the bouquet, and approached her.
“Ayase, I’m sorry for interrupting your piano, but this can’t wait anymore.” He took a breath, handing her the bouquet, “I love you, Ayase Mikage. P-please go out with me.”
Ayase’s ruby eyes widened, and she blushed deeply. She glanced up, opening her mouth to speak. . .
(Context: This takes place within the shared Genre Break Universe, Saisho, Ayase, Santaru, and Sabu are all characters within the world.)
SPARKS DIE: The love story of Talebot and Quill
Machines, automatons, do not feel love. Not the love that you understand it as. For them, it’s more like a ‘spark’. It is the sense of purpose they put in other things that gives them the motivation to ‘act’. A lightbulb has sparks with the light switch, inspiring it to shine brightly and light the room. For more complicated creations, the sparks are more complex and harder to describe. And, when it comes to robotics, none are more beautifully complicated than Talebot.
If Talebot could cry, he would have. The best he could manage was to make his gears grind out awful cacophonies. A little oil leaked out of an ocular socket, though it was a lot of effort, and it did not cloud his vision has he hoped it would. He could still see the little taleoid that lay limp in his hand.
No, no simple taleoid. Quill. The only taleoid that was not made in the foundry. He was a beautiful Frankensteinian creation, beautifully uncanny. And full of sparks. Full of stories. Stories, Talebot mourned, that may never be told again. Talebot had always been filled with sparks, from stories and wonder that had been his purpose. But he had never felt a spark like this one.
“Is this… pain…?” his voice hummed out of the organ pipes that had been fashioned into his vocal cords. With the sound of the grating steel on steel, like nails on a chalkboard… if it wasn’t pain, it at least sounded like it.
Good, thought Talebot. Let the pain last. Let the pain never stop. Talebot feared that if the pain stopped, so would the spark. He looked back to Quill. She was still dressed up as a yeti. Curious, they seemed to have grown hair and tusks herself somehow.
“He will come back, won’t she?” he asked. “Taleoids always come back to me eventually. Don’t they?”
(Context: This story includes Talebot from Tale Foundry and Quill from the now inactive Taleoid Fanzine.)
The Love Story of Angel and Demon, By Jesse Fisher Edited by DukkiFluff
“They seem to be getting along well.” The tall dark and writing themed robot commented, watching the little angel that he…looked after, playing with the strange wolf-like pup that the bot next to him brought with him.
“Trust me if you could hear what I hear from him, it might make ya blush.” The vizard blue bot replied. “While he enjoys being the center of attention, he is still going into a curse rant that has not stopped since they did hide and seek.”
“Hmm.” The charcoal bot thought. “So how did he feel about the dress up party they had?
“Oh that was much worse and yet he still sticks around her.” Once more the azura bot smiled inwardly. “Like a lost puppy wanting it’s owner to give it pets.”
Said ‘puppy’ shot the pair a dirty look that would have been intimidating if not for how cute it looked even with black sclera and yellow iris. The Angel got his attention back at the tea party they were having with a taleoid that wanted to join in.
“So why does this seem like something out of a Terry Pratchett novel?” Talebot asked scratching his head, looking over at his fellow bot.
“I just think it is cause the world ain’t black and white.” The azura bot replied. “That or someone is just writing a story involving this, but who knows.”
“Well that was a bit existential,” Talebot replied, a bit perplexed. “Back to the topic at hand. What are we going to do about them?”
“Let kids be kids.” The bot responded. “Demon was born of another’s pain, anger, and rage. A full grown monster drinking blood and bladed hands. This could be a chance to atleast make him less what he was.”
The tea party ended and then the Angel grabbed Demon’s paw and dragged him out into the world. The bots looked on and while neither could smile on the outside, inwardly they had the largest grins.
“I’ll get the plans for the wedding drawn up.” The blue bot spoke.
“What? This early?” Talebot replied.
(Context: This story includes the Angel, Dukki’s universe, Talebot, from both Dukki’s and Tale Foundry, and the robot and Demon, from my own writings.)
[This is a sequel to last week’s story set in Dukki’s lovely world, I thank her for allowing me to play in her world. See ya next time.]
Beauty In The Night: Widow & Latrodectus
By Giovanna J. Fuller
The first time I saw her was at night.
I had been wandering the field of stones. For the life of me, I would never be able to recall why I was there at that time of night. I was so completely surrounded by the stones that I couldn’t see the way out. I knew the way out, I had been here before. But I hadn’t seen her before.
I hadn’t seen her at first because her coat blended so well into the dark. If it wasn’t for her eyes, which reflected the moon, I would have missed her entirely. The moon was half, shedding only part of its full light, but the lack of luminescence did nothing to detract from her allure. An ethereal vision dressed in the black of night was my lady.
She was shaking.
Was it the cold? Was she weeping?
Without thinking, I thought to move her side. I could not! I dare not approach her. What if she was a figment of my imagination? If I should move, then the mirage would dissipate and I should never see her again. So I sat still. I would not be the one to frighten her away. I stood and watched her.
She looked up and saw me.
I held my breath.
She was real. She was very, very real.
I opened my mouth to speak, but my throat would not release the words I wished to say.
Crimson lips curled upward and her head tilted slightly. She reached out and took my hand. Gently, though I was powerless against her touch, she placed my hand on her and I was undone.
Throughout the night I worshiped her as a goddess among us insects. I extolled to her the depth of my passion for her dark beauty. All through the night I paid her the highest of compliments, though she sat and said nothing. Her red lips, still smiling. We fell asleep.
And, when the sun peaked out from behind the hills,
I was gone.
(Context: The characters are a female and male black widow spider from nature)
Relax: The Love Story of Iron Bull and Dorian
by Samantha Realynn
“Vishante kaffas, Bull!”
The Iron Bull didn’t look chastised for one moment. He grinned smugly as
Dorian ran frantically about the room, throwing on clothing as if a Terror demon was chasing him. “What? I reminded you about the dinner, didn’t I?”
The mage stopped and spun to glare at his boyfriend. “After thoroughly distracting me, leaving me only ten minutes to prepare! Bull, this is serious! The Inquisitor planned this meeting with my countrymen and- “
“And getting yourself all in a tizzy trying to look perfect won’t help any.” The qunari rose from the bed and walked over to him.
“These people could mean us getting help from sane magisters, ones that don’t agree with Corypheus. We may not get their public support but having more allies on the inside will help our cause, especially if it means eventual Tevinter reform! This is important, Bull!” He turned away to continue getting ready only for Bull to pull him back to him. “Bull!”
“No, seriously. I get why this is important. That’s why I insisted on this last ‘session.’ You need to relax, Dorian.” He cupped Dorian’s chin, making the mage look up at him. “After losing qunari support, I get that we need this, and I support it. If you vouch for them, then I’m good. But you’ve been driving yourself crazy trying to look like the ideal magister or whatever. You don’t need it.”
Dorian sighed, leaning into the touch. “These people, they think like me, Bull. They want change just as much as I do. Like Alexius, before Corypheus twisted and used him. I don’t doubt the Inquisitor will charm them, she’s good at that. But if I can make them see that I’m just as serious about this, maybe, maybe there’s hope for my country.”
Bull bent down and kissed his forehead. “I don’t doubt you, kadan. But being high strung won’t help anyone. Relax, everything will be fine. I promise.”
Dorian blushed and sighed again. “I suppose you’re right, Amatus. Thank you.”
“Anytime, kadan. Now, let’s get ready to charm their pants off.”
(context: The characters are Iron Bull and Dorian Pavus from Dragon Age: Inquisition)
A Friendly Match: The Love Story of Exce and Wulf by Felicia
Their collective panting echoed throughout the chamber. Sweat dripped as heavy grunts and groans sounded off.
“You’re good,” Wulf praised with a hint of challenge.
“I know,” Exce responded, smirking.
Wulf’s longsword clashed against one of Exce’s sai.
Wulf leaned into the blow, using the side of his weapon to disarm Exce of his right handed one.
“You’re getting rusty, old man.” Wulf gave a wink.
Exce spun his wrist, staving off the next strike.
Wulf chuckled at the small rebuff.
“I look at it as” one leg sweep, and Exce had him on the defense. “Gaining experience.”
Wulf slowed his momentum by planting the sword’s tip into the mahogany carpet beneath him, using his shoulders to roll fluidly into a low crouch. He gritted his teeth against the throbbing ache in his wrist.
[I’ll be damned if I show it.]
Exce retrieved his fallen sai, noticing from his peripheral that Wulf was on his feet. At the ready, one of Exce’s sai took a glancing blow. His surprise, however, came from Wulf’s shoulder catching him in the solar plexus.
The hit was more surprising than painful, and Exce tumbled backwards head over tail before righting himself into a shaky stand.
He expelled a deep breath while massaging his chest with one inner wrist while being mindful of his blade.
He had to give his friend credit: he was FAST.
“Tired already, are ya?” Wulf taunted. His light tone contrasted his fierce glare.
“You wish.” Taking a deep breath, Exce centered himself. He circled to Wulf’s right side, assessing his wrist critically. It had been slight, but Wulf’s grimace hadn’t gone unnoticed.
“Truthfully, I’m grateful for the break, but it will be your downfall.”
Exce lunged, his swiping weapons pushing Wulf back.
One spin from Wulf left Exce’s sai stuck in a crevice.
The blade rested gently against Exce’s throat.
“CHECKMATE,” Wulf announced.
Exce loosed a good natured chuckle, bumping Wulf after retrieving his weapons.
“Fine. But next time, I spar with Brick.”
“The hell you will,” Wulf growled.
Exce chortled as he led the way to get a drink.
(CONTEXT: The characters portrayed are Exce, a Moderator of Tale Foundry, and Wulf, a member of the Tale Foundry community. They’re both awesome!)
UwU: The Love Story of Benji and Gatte
Benji rubbed his temples, trying to get rid of the eyestrain of looking at his computer screen. The new script was coming along nicely, but he had been at this for a while.
“Uwu, what’s this?”
Benji sighed. “Hi, Gatte.” Gatte had taken on a fursona recently, and it was taking time to get used to.
“Whiting a new Foundwy scwipt?” Gatte asked.
“Yes, I am.”
Benji looked over at his administrator. Gatte was wearing a pair of black cat ears, and had a matching tail clipped to the back of his pants. Across his cheeks, Gatte had painted a set of cat whiskers.
Gatte draped himself over Benji’s shoulders. “Does Baenji need help?”
“I’m good. Thanks for offering,” Benji replied.
Gatte purred and pressed his cheek up against Benji’s as he read off the screen.
“Gatte?” Benji asked. “I don’t mean to be dismissive, but you have duties, and… it’s hard to write with you so close.”
“Is Baenji nervous?” Gatte asked softly. “I don’t want to make Baenji uncomfortable.”
“No, no, that’s not it. I’m just saying, I would be able to write faster if you were…”
Gatte cut Benji off by licking his cheek.
“Okay, Gatte, I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this now,” Benji firmly said. “Besides, you have Dukki. And I have Holly.”
Gatte took Benji’s chin and turned his head so they met face to face, their noses almost touching. “Baenji knows perfectly well that Dukki is okay with us having boy fun. Uwu.”
“I don’t think this is appropriate,” Benji reiterated. “I mean, I’m your boss.”
“Does Baenji not wike Gatte anymore?” Gatte asked.
Benji sighed. “No, it’s not like that.”
“Because I don’t think I could be your adminstwator if that was the case, Baenji,” Gatte continued.
Benji took Gatte by the hand. “No, that’s not it. I do need you in my life. But just as a friend.”
Gatte smiled and sat in Benji’s lap. “Okay.”
Benji smiled awkwardly and patted Gatte on the back. “What’s caused this change in you?”
Gatte smiled. “Silly Baenji. Gatte has always been a Catte.”
(Context: The characters are, of course, Benji, the head of Tale Foundry, and Gatte, an admin for the Tale Foundry discord server)
Meow: The Love Story of Benji x Gatte
Heaving a sigh, Benji leaned back in his chair, rubbing his hands over his tired face. He glanced at the clock, groaning when he realized it was almost three in the morning. This newest video seemed to be fighting being put together, and at the moment, it was winning.
He stood up and stretched, deciding he’d make another cup of tea and ponder over how else to approach making the video cooperate. He shuffled quietly to the kitchen, stifling a yawn as he clicked on the kettle. He leaned on the counter, closing his eyes. Whether it was to stave off sleep or induce a tiny nap, he didn’t know.
Something tugged at his sleeve from behind him, catching his attention. He glanced over his shoulder, smiling lightly at the bulbous green eyes staring up at him.
“Shouldn’t you be in bed, Gatte? Or are you waiting for me?” He chuckled, running his hand over the cat’s soft fur. Gatte purred in response, pushing his head into Benji’s hand, letting out a small chirp.
“I know, I’m sorry. But this video isn’t going to put itself together.” He sighed, rubbing his face again, “I’m wondering if maybe I should just finish it tomorrow…”
Gatte meowed, tugging at Benji’s sleeve again.
Benji groaned, “I know it’ll be late then, but.. it’s a tiring, grueling process. I love it, I do. But there’s so much work that goes into one of these, and…” he chuckled, picking up the tuxedo printed cat, “and you don’t understand a word I’m saying, do you?”
Benji held the cat close with one arm, freeing the other to pour his tea. Gatte shifted in Benji’s grasp, placing each fluffy paw on Benji’s shoulders, nuzzling into Benji’s neck.
Benji’s heart melted, and he returned the hug, “Thanks buddy. I needed this.”
Gatte purred, resting his head on Benji’s shoulder.
“You’re right. One more try.” Benji yawned.
Gatte chirped in agreement.
Tea and cat in hand, Benji returned to his desk and got back to work. Gatte curled up in his lap, purring happily.
(context; the characters portrayed are the Head Creator of TF, Benji, and an admin of the TF Discord Server, Gatte [he is not actually a cat])