Writing Group: Come Sail Away

Hello, land-lubbers and sea-dogs alike!

This week is bound to be a confusing combination of restful and swashbuckling. Not sure whether to tell you to grab a brace of pistols or a margarita, because…

This week’s writing group prompt is:

 

Come Sail Away

 

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

 

 

It really sounds like a peaceful styx song or a piece of lovely lounge music, doesn’t it?

But you just know somebody’s gonna get keel-hauled this week. It’s gonna happen. There are too many sinister brains in this writing group for it not to go that way.

So let’s embrace the duality of it, accept that a swatch of canvas tied to a big pole can either mean peace and escape, or murder and plunder. Mostly, I think, it depends on what color you paint the thing.

This one’s straightforward enough that you probably don’t need my help interpreting or imagining, but here are a couple potential suggestions to put the wind in your sails:

  • Combine “pirates” with just about anything and see what comes of it (e.g., what are “rust pirates”; what is their plunder, what type of sea fo they sail, are they even human?)
  • Turn the ocean into a symbol and then send someone or something across it, see what that turns out to mean (e.g., if the ocean is “despair”, then what does it mean to sail away upon it? What would it mean to find an island? A ship in a bottle? etc.)
  • Think about the phrase “come sail away” as an entreaty. There’s a suggestion here that you leave wherever it is that you are and take to the sea. Find out what that transition means to you. Why would anyone want to do this? What does the sea hold that the land doesn’t? How enticing is this, actually?

Now get out there and… relax? raid?

Whatever floats your boat.

 

 

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Friday at 7:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit, and get ready to help each other improve their confidence in their writing, as well as their skill with their craft!

 

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least six stories during each stream, three of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
    6. No additional text styling (such as italics or bold text). Do not use asterisks, hyphens, or any other symbol to indicate whether text should be bold, italic, or styled in any other way. CAPS are okay, though.
  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new (no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    6. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    7. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

118 responses to “Writing Group: Come Sail Away”

  1. Come Sail Away
    By Chengir

    Likks hated humans. “Stupid towering giraffe-like beasts. Smooth skin, not even any scales.” he snickered. But the Ronnu was going to fix everything. The three-foot-tall red-scaled kobold grabbed the bottom of the ladder. He tested the ropes. Likks still wasn’t sure the balloon and the boat hanging beneath it would stay in the air. After all, you can’t trust wizards. Most of them just don’t understand the universal nature of property. As in what is yours is, in reality, mine. Likks had to teach the mage who made the Ronnu’s balloon with the appropriate application of a knife blade to his sternum.

    The summer sky was dark but clear. All you could see was a few blinking stars. “The humans will never see us coming in the dark. Stupid, scaleless bean poles,” he announced to the crew as they scrambled about the deck. Even humans wouldn’t be tall enough to reach the Ronnu floating over their village. He could hardly wait.

    The boat barely moved as Likks climbed. Which the kobold took as a good sign. They needed enough ballast to keep the ship low, to avoid freezing at altitude. He reached the deck of the Ronnu and had the crew pull up the ladder. It was a nice-looking boat, sturdy, and well-made. The air up here smelled fresh. Likks didn’t know what to do about the smell. Kobolds tended to prefer damp, moldy air. It was comforting. Likks found this fresh air smell disturbing. He walked to the rail and looked down. He had to fight to keep from vomiting. This whole plan would work out much better if he wasn’t afraid of heights. At least they weren’t too high up. Kobold’s freeze in the cold. This is why you don’t see any kobold mountain climbers.

    Likks strode over to a massive pile of rocks in the center of the deck. “Now remember,” Likks explained, when we get to the village of the lousy tall humans, everybody grab as many rocks as you can and throw them over the side.”

  2. DesOttsel Avatar
    DesOttsel

    Washed Away
    by Gage Jarman

    You step out of the door, young, full of vigor. The alley is thin. Dew streams down the walls. You can’t see outside the small backstreet. You walk forward, out into the damp cobblestone streets. A shroud of fog leaves only silhouettes. You keep moving.

    Buildings, signs, strangers, and friends pop in and out of view. You hear the lapping of the bay. Down on the wharf, there are rows and rows of ships. Each one looks identical in the heavy fog, a colorless silhouette. You ask the harbormaster which you should board. He tells you, that’s for you to decide, that you should follow your gut.

    You walk up a gangplank. You don’t know what the destination is. You don’t know if this is the right ship. Will there be a storm. Will the supplies last. Sailors shout in the distance, and you watch the other ships leave one by one. A shipmate walks you through your duties. You unfurl the sails. Hitch and unhitch ropes. Over and over again, you carry out these tasks, and you grow tired. Your hands are bloody and split from blisters. The drone of the sea grows.

    You no longer know how long you’ve been at sea. The grey fog still clings to the ship, obscuring any sign of the sun or stars. You feel lost. The salt has wrinkled your skin and moldy rations make you weak. There is no sign of land. No sign of a destination. The crash of the waves on the bow is the only indication that the ship is still moving. You carry out your duties.

    You’re weary. Your hands are calloused and numb. They shake vigorously and you know not why. The fog blows away. A storm calls massive swells. You brace your withered body against a rope and hold tight. The ship is battered by the sea. A wave crashes over the deck. Your hands falter.

    You sink beneath the waves. The sound of the storm is deafened. The sun breaks through the clouds. Golden light shines from above the water.

    You sink deeper.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      A dark tale of woe. The irony of the sunshine peaking after the storm while the protagonist sinks deeper beneath the waves is a nice juxtaposition.

      My only critiques:
      Will there be a storm.(?) Will the supplies last.(?)

      Putting the reader as the protagonist and using present tense helps to make it feel more real. Nice job.

      1. DesOttsel Avatar
        DesOttsel

        I always forget the question marks *facepalm

  3. Michael Case Avatar
    Michael Case

    The Shake up
    By Michael Case

    The sun had just come up over the horizon when we noticed that some of the population had vanished. We were not aware of what had happened other than a weird shaking overnight. There were no screams of distress, no cries for help, no nothing just the shaking.

    Those of us that were left became afraid of what had happened. We feared that the shaking and vanishing will happen again. We were like newborn babies, trying to understand the world around us not knowing that this place was only a small part of it.

    Those that had vanished didn’t have time to tell us who they were, what their dreams were, or why they were even here. Those that vanished were only here long enough for us to know that they existed, then they didn’t. Will that happen to me?

    The place moved again. We were awake this time when it happened. The place shook like a wave on the water. Back and forth the place swung, then suddenly the place stopped. More of us vanished, but this time rumor had it that they floated off like angels being called to other tasks. One of us supposedly said that it was beautiful in its own right.

    I didn’t buy it. How can vanishing from existence be a thing of beauty? How can a disappearance of anyone that comes from the place shaking be anything but terrifying? I don’t believe that anything good will come from this vanishing, nor do I believe that this shaking can go on before all is lost.

    The sun begun to slowing drift off to sleep behind the other horizon. My being filled with terror, every gram of me inflamed by fear that the shaking will begin again. What if I vanish this time when the shaking starts, then what?

    Oh no…

    The shaking has started again. I feel strange. I can’t yell for help, I can’t cry out in fear. I’m no longer rooted, I have sailed aloft. This horrid wind has blown me from my dandelion.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I really enjoy the buildup in this. We don’t know what’s happening other than a terrifying shaking and many disappearing without explanation. Then you pull back and reveal that it’s a dandelion having its seeds blown away by the wind.

      These are my critiques:
      had happened other then (than) a weird shaking

      no screams of destress (distress)

      but this time rumor has (had) it that they floated off

      How can vanishing from existence be a thing of beauty. (?)

      Despite the critiques, this is quite a terrifying story. I love the perspective you’ve taken on this, Micheal. I also really love how you liken the seeds to angels; that’s a beautiful simile. To quote you, “this story is beautiful in its own right.” Great job.

      1. Michael Case Avatar
        Michael Case

        Thank you for pointing those out. Sometimes when writing I can tell that something isn’t right, but no matter how often I look at it I can’t seem to figure out what’s wrong. Greatly appreciated.

        I fixed them in an edit.

    2. King_Nix Avatar
      King_Nix

      An interesting story, to say the least. It did well, in that I didn’t realize it was the perspective of a dandelion tuft up until the very end. The way the perspective describes the situation as terrifying, while the unnamed witness describes it as beautiful is a good bit of contrast. One can hope that the seed will be happy in becoming a new dandelion, rather than promptly snuffed out with some weed killer.

  4. SeaCat Avatar
    SeaCat

    Ah, darn… I mostly write pirate related fanfiction so I don’t think I’d qualify for this one… but it’ll still be interesting to hear what people write!

    1. While fanfiction isn’t allowed for the submissions, we’d love to read your work over at the Discord server!

  5. minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy) Avatar
    minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

    A Trip To Die For
    By minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

    “Uh… Daisy, was it?”

    “Mhmm! That’s my name!”

    “Right… uh… You’re not dead. Why are you here?”

    The girl’s legs dangled playfully off the edge of Charon’s boat. She barely hesitated to answer his question

    “Well, I’m here on a mission!”

    “A…Mission?” Wait… Was she one of those people?

    “Yep! I’ve gotta bring a hero up from Elysium and get their help defeating a monster!”

    Yep. She was one of those folks. He rolled his eyes beneath his dark hood.

    “Awful lot of trouble to go through to beat a monster.” He noted. “But, money’s money. Any plan for how you’re gonna get him out?”

    “Well…” She stretched back a little, eventually lying down on the deck of the boat. “…Not really. I figure I could just go in there, Ask Hades nicely, and bring ‘em up! Some guy did that with his girlfriend! I can totally do it!”

    “Uh…huh. You do know how that story ends, don’t you?”

    “No? How?”

    He chuckled a little. Oh gods, they were going to eat her alive.

    “Dead. The both of them.”

    Her face smiled, but her eyes had fear in them

    “…OH! Cool! Cool, cool cool cool.”

    They reached the other edge of the shore and the girl slowly climbed out. She looked fearfully towards the entrance, but Charon caught her attention before she could go.

    “A word of advice, lass. The dead seek to bring anything above them to their level. If you keep your wits about you, your story might end better.”

    She gave him a small smile and a nod.

    “Ok! Thanks, Charon! I’ll be back later with my hero!”

    He waved her off with a smile. He loved teasing the heroes, but he always gave them encouragement when they left. He liked seeing them come back alive. His job didn’t give him much to be happy about… But bright-eyed youngsters like that just gave him hope.

    “Good luck, Thespinis. May the gods guide you.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is great, Froggy. I like the casualness with which Daisy approaches this mission, but there’s a teeny bit of fear beneath the surface. And I like the idea of her picking out a hero to help defeat a monster. Charon is stoic but encouraging. He’s a good foil for Daisy. I hope Daisy completes her mission and is able to defeat the monster.

  6. Cansas Dale Avatar
    Cansas Dale

    Sail Away To Peace
    By Cansas Dale

    I have met the one you call death, but I know her as Liimore which translates to death in the ancient tongue of my ancestors. She first appeared to me in a dream. She asked “Would you like to come with me to The White Shores and sail away to peace?” I told her “I can’t. I don’t know why, I just know I have work to do.” Liimore put a hand on my head and said “such wisdom for one so small.”

    Over my many adventures Liimore appeared to me multiple times. She even saved my skin once or twice. Each time I saw her, she asked me the same question “Would you like to come with me to The White Shores and sail away to peace?” and each time I told her “I can’t yet. I still have work to do.”

    Now as I lay bloody and broken on the cold ground. My brother cradling my head in his lap and my sister in bond held my hand tightly in hers, Liimore appeared for the last time.

    “Your work is finished Dale. Would you like to come with me to The White Shores and sail away to peace?” She asked sweetly.

    I looked up to meet my brother’s gaze. Eyes speak more truth than words ever could and in that moment Lockie’s eyes told me it was time to go.

    Then I looked to Leona who’s lilac eyes were filled with tears. “I don’t want you to leave.” she sobbed “but I want you to have peace….and this is the way.” she took a breath then said with a smile. “You can go.”

    After we said our last goodbyes Liimore asked “Are you ready Dale?” I looked down and said “I don’t think peace suits me.” Leona and Lockie both grinned. “But I’m ready for this journey to end and a new one to begin.” I brought my eyes up to meet Liimore. “I’m ready to go to The White Shores and sail away to peace.” Liimore smiled and said “such wisdom for one so small.”

    1. Beautiful! This was really heartwarming. The outlook for death in this piece isn’t one of fear, but of hope and peace. I’m interested in the idea of death giving people a choice of whether they’d like to come or not. The slight vagueness of the circumstances is well done, as it prevents readers from focusing on those unnecessary details. For instance, we’re never told why Dale is bloodied, we just know he is, and that’s perfectly fine. Overall, great job!

  7. Charles Funk Avatar
    Charles Funk

    Am, a Ship’s Tale by Charles Funk

    I know not how i came to be. Only that i did.

    My birth was welcomed by revelling crowds as I emerged a handsome frigate with sky piercing masts and fluttering sails that swelled large with pride as did I. But not as large as the beauty that was the sea before me. I floated on her with awe. Never have I felt so small.

    Britain was my mother. Bristol Shipyards was my womb. Rene Duguay-Trouin, a French Coursier, was my father who christened me “Le Concord”.

    “Sail with me, mon amie.” He said to me. “Like days of old. I am the gallant knight. You, my valiant steed who will brave us to the unknown. Together.”

    My sails swelled large as we made for the horizon where adventures lie.

    The seas were fickle creatures yet Rene knew her dance. From furious storms to perilous battles, the captain and I prevailed. Never did my sails falter under his gentle hand.

    Not until Rio-de-Janero.

    In a war that I don’t know. Against fellow ships bearing other colors. I fought for Rene till deck became red. My wounds gave him victory but he gave me away because of it.

    The following masters were uncaring but less cruel than he. Those years were paved in tears. Something I shared with my passengers crowding my hull to the brim in chains and blood. My sails barely tose in those sorrowful years as every trip and batch became more depressing than the last.

    The winds changed with my fate skulled sails appeared one day. Inept as a captain as he was a swimmer, my master was usurbed by a demon bearing a great black beard. One that even I could fear.

    There I expected the epilogue of my story. A lonely cold grave.

    Instead I received a new master and a new name.

    “Ye be mine now,” he said proudly. “My ‘Queen Anne’s Revenge’. What adventures we’ll have ourselves.”

    I swelled once more and the seas parted as I paved through it with bellowing wrath. Eager for my new beginning. Eager to what awaited beyond

    1. Beautiful work! The descriptions you’ve gave and the imagery you’ve created were crisp and vivid. The first part gave a great sense of pride and anticipation for adventure, while the shift gave a strong sense of melancholy. You’ve elicited these feelings quite well. The end is pretty interesting, as its hopeful of the future. Pirates have a reputation to us humans for being bad, but the ship is impartial in that regard. I don’t have any major criticisms, as you’ve executed everything quite well in my eyes. Great job!

  8. Cody (aka ProfBelgian) Avatar
    Cody (aka ProfBelgian)

    Mad Men Come from the Sea

    Written by Cody (aka ProfBelgian)

    Bryson drove his shovel into loose earth and kneeled to the ground. He stuffed a young rhubarb start into a hole and blanketed it in fertile soil. It was growing season on the lonely island and his yield would be good. His father would be proud—at least, what was left of him.

    Past the rocky shore near his farmstead, the evening sun began its descent and a distant drumming rolled in from the sea. Thrum. Drum. Drum. Thrum.

    Inside his home, boarded windows blocked what little light was left outside. Bryson lit an oil lamp, then set a large plank against the door. He had only moments before they reached the beach.

    Stuffing old cotton into his ears, he perched himself on a chair facing the door. He imagined the distant ship and its crazed crew, had seen it once, as it glided in on a thick fog heavy with drums and manic laughter. It was their shanty that drove all men mad.

    He grabbed his father’s musket from the wall. He was left one shot when his father was taken. A pity he never learned to smelt.

    “You save this for yourself, you hear?” His father had said.

    “I won’t. If you’re taken, I—”

    His father smacked him. Farm work made calloused hands and the sting lasted.

    “You damned fool!” He grabbed Bryson’s face with sturdy fingers. “You think I brought you into this world to die?”

    Torch light danced through the cracks in the windows. Bryson saw the door handle being tested, gripped his musket tight. The door heaved as if being beaten, sending wood splinters flying. This was unusual, Bryson thought, the madmen carried no tools or weapons, only song and drum.

    He watched in shocked realization as his shovel blade came crashing through the door. When it was lifted out of its wedge, he saw a torch’s flame, then the face of his father, covered in sea rot.

    He lifted the musket, shakily aimed it towards his father as the cotton fell from his ears. Their devil song filled his head and he laughed.

    1. Cansas Dale Avatar
      Cansas Dale

      “You think I brought you into this world to die?”
      I thought that was such a good line! I really loved your interpretation of the prom. The idea of the son having to kill his father has always been an interesting thing to play with cause it can go many different ways. It was also i nice twist at the end when the cotton fell out of his ears and he ended up being one of them. You did really great!

  9. King_Nix Avatar
    King_Nix

    “Like It or Not”(some explicit language)
    By King_Nix

    A thunderous explosion woke Peter from his sleep. He checked his watch, 3:33 AM. He heard the ship’s sirens begin to blare. Groggy crewmates casually slid out of their bunks, and began making their way out to the deck. Peter looked quizzically to his friend Matt.

    “Must be a drill?” the sailor said, though the explosion had seemed all too real.

    Following the other crewmen, they were about six feet from the door when a shot rang out. Blood and gore splattered against the wall as a giant of a man filled the exit.

    “You lot get movin’ back in there!” he barked, cocking the 4 gauge in his meaty hands. “ ‘Nless you wan’ me te paint this ‘ole rig with yer brains!”

    Several crew members woke from their stupor, while others remained frozen in shock. More gunfire could be heard from outside, as Peter and Matt turned back and ran down the hall. Another blast echoed from outside as the two sealed themselves in their bunkroom. Peter looked out the porthole to get a glimpse of what was occurring outside.

    Fire filled the docks. Explosions ripped through ships not ten yards away. It was then he realized that his ship was moving. The tethers holding her had been cut loose, and she was pulling away, heading for open ocean.

    “They’re hijacking the ship!” he cried to Matt.

    “What?! Are they on low-grade acid?! We’re the fucking Navy, who do these pricks think they are?!”

    A banging on the door took their attention from the window.

    “Good that y’all shut yerselves in there!” came the gruff voice of the giant man. “Ol’ Bill here’s gonna keep an eye on ya, so no funny business, ya hear?”

    “Hope you fellas are comfortable in there!” came another voice, probably that Bill. “We’re havin’ ourselves a little cruise with this here battleship, and yer comin’ along with us.” Peter looked once more out the porthole, to see the blazing dockyard shrinking further into the distance. “Whether you like it or not!”

    1. Michael Case Avatar
      Michael Case

      There’s a lot going on here, but not enough to know what’s going on. I felt like I was in the room with the two sailors. Very well done setting up that stage. There is just enough here to sell the story, almost like it belongs on the inside cover of a book.

  10. Eternity at Sea
    By BrokenEarth

    “Captain! Land!” The Barrelman shouted from his lookout.

    A few members of the crew looked up, a spark of hope in their eyes, but when the Captain spoke it quickly faded.

    “Sail away. The enemy will have trapped the docks.” The Captain had been getting more and more paranoid recently, ever since they had discovered the chest of gold in an underwater cave.

    “But, Captain. We need to restock on food and water. Rations are thin, and if we stay out much longer-” The Quartermaster began, but the Captain cut him off.

    “Are you trying to talk back to me? I gave an order! Unless you plan a mutiny?” The Captain drew his cutlass and pointed it at the Quartermaster.

    “No, Captain, but we can’t go on like this! We’ll starve, if thirst doesn’t get us first!” The Quartermaster drew a breath to continue, but instead of words blood came from his mouth.

    The Captain had cut his throat, with a look of disdain on his face.

    “I should’ve known I couldn’t trust him. He was acting shifty all along. Were any of you,” He turned to the crew, “Plotting against me with him?” He spoke calmly, but his voice was strained and eyes were bloodshot. He was barely holding it together.

    The crew were quick to deny this. If they banded together they would’ve been able to stop the Captain, but they didn’t know who they could trust, who would side with the Captain, or anything.

    “Good. Helmsman, turn us away. I’ll not let them get my treasure anytime soon.”

    The ship moved on.

    And on.

    And on.

    One by one, the crew fell from hunger, thirst, or Captain’s cutlass. The Chef had thrown himself off the ship mere days after the Quartermaster’s death, and the remaining few considered doing it themselves.

    The Captain took the wheel after throwing the Helmsman’s corpse off the ship, and, not realizing he was now alone, said into the wind, “He was only holding us back! Onward, my crew, to riches and glory!”

    1. Lari.B.Haven Avatar
      Lari.B.Haven

      I loved that story, the Captain madness, and paranoia makes for a very unnerving story. He probably wasn’t in the best mental state to look for the treasure, to begin with. For some reason this reminds me of ghost ship legends, haunting the sea after the ship sank, the captain, and his ghostly crew keeps looking for the treasure afterward. Good job!

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Alexander, it’s great to see you back. I hope you’re doing well. I’ve missed you and your amazing stories, like this one. This is frighteningly real for a lot of people who are at sea for long periods of time. It’s also quite sad that the Captain goes insane to the point that he loses his entire crew. Is there a curse on him, or is he simply lost to the call of the wind and sea, determined to never set foot on land again? Definitely bone chilling.

      My absolute favorite part of this is when the Captain cuts the Quartermaster’s throat, but you don’t show him cutting it. It’s simply Captain raises the cutlass at Quartermaster, Quartermaster is bleeding. That jump in writing took me by complete surprise. I actually gasped aloud and had to stop reading for a couple of seconds. Highly effective. No critiques here. Excellent, excellent storytelling.

      1. I’ve just been busy doing nothing. I haven’t had as many good prompt ideas, and I have some work I keep putting off. Thanks for your concern, though. Have a good day 🙂

  11. Honor-bound (Public Group Repost)
    By NocteVesania

    Zeke storms out of the garden. From his clenched fists and scrunched eyebrows, it was clear to Belle how he felt about her proposition. Still, she believes she’s fighting for what’s right, although she feels her heart heavy from that exchange.

    “How do you think the Council would feel if they learned that a Sterling corroborated with a rogue?” Zeke said in a stern voice.

    Belle leaned in close. “How do you think the people would feel if you sat here watching as they starved to death?”

    “This is bigger than us! We’d die the moment we bare arms against the Council.”

    Belle stepped back. “Then I’d rather die fighting for my nation than live cowering in fear.”

    She watches her old friend walk towards the lake in search of solitude; out of the corner of her eye, she sees Sir Benedict, head of the Sterling family, follow him.

    By the lakeside, Zeke watches the gentle waves come and go as he reminisces on days long past, playing with a younger Belle on this very shore. His father stands beside him, silent and still. Eventually, the old man’s raspy voice breaks the silence.

    “Son, I know that she’s leaving, and I know your thinking of coming along.”

    Zeke says nothing, but the young Belle’s voice echoes in his mind. “We can reach the clouds! With Brass! And Steel!”

    “Whatever you do, remember this,” his father continues, “a man’s honor comes not from doing what he is told to, but from doing what he believes is right.”

    With those words, Sir Benedict hands Zeke a sheathed rapier, ivory and metallic. Zeke takes it and raises the blade up to the sky, the glint of steel gleaming from moonlight.

    “Together,” Zeke hears that girl’s voice again, “we can build the future.”

    “Thank you, father,” Zeke whispers as he wraps arms around the old man before heading back.

    Back at the garden, Belle sits impatiently on an ornate bench. As the two meet again, he does not speak. He simply gives Belle a nod. Belle smiles.

    “Welcome to the Iron Rose, Commander Sterling.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Oooohhhh, Nocte. This feels straight out of a Victorian historical novel, one where the women fight as strongly as the men do. The setting, descriptions and atmosphere all leap from the page. It’s easy to see that Belle and Zeke care a lot about each other and don’t want to ruin their bond by being on opposite sides. I love that this has much from so many elements in such a small space. That’s brilliant.

      This is my only critique:
      I know your (you’re) thinking of coming along.”

      I am glad that Zeke comes around in the end, and because he believes in the cause. Beautiful, Nocte. Sensational.

    2. I kinda like how we’re thrown into this without much context, it’s like I’m overhearing a conversation on accident and want to learn more. My first thoughts were “Honor? A character who’s name includes a Z and a K? Must have something to do with Avatar.” but that’s not because of anything you did I’m just a nerd lol

    3. DesOttsel Avatar
      DesOttsel

      I always liked the trope of a nobleman switching sides to support something he believed in more than their reputation and class. It’s a pretty straight forward story and it does what it’s supposed to well. The one thing I’d say is the together line feels a little jarring. Is she just yelling at him from a distance as he’s having a conversation with his dad.

  12. Gregory Hess Avatar
    Gregory Hess

    “Sail to a safe place”[Aleph null science fiction, public group coppy]
    By gregovin

    They start to walk away, toward the bustling run-down market. I think they’re not happy here. They look … dejected. Maybe I can help them out? I speak up.
    “Hey! You don’t have to stay here!”

    “Do you want me to come?”

    “Yeah. I think you would love a chance to see another sun.”

    They replied “But I don’t love you. Can we be on the same ship together?”

    I barely manage to hide a pang of guilt and sadness.

    “I know. Even still, I’ll deal with the awkwardness. You don’t have to stay in this dump, and you seem decent.”

    “Who else is aboard?”

    Let’s see… Who else would be aboard?
    “Kyle, Eli, Angel, Larisa, Roman, Calum, Septimus, and Parish.” That sounds about right.

    “Oh. Yeah, sounds good. Are you sure you can deal with this?” They gesture between us. I know what they’re talking about.

    I’m about to break down. Breath. She can still be my friend. Life isn’t all about romance. Self: you got this. Still, a single tear slid down my face. Self: you asked for an inappropriate thing, least you can do is help her out. I hoped she would come with. Didn’t want to leave her here in this place.

    They continued. “Ok. Where, exactly, are we going?”

    “No clue honestly. Wherever the money is I guess.”

    “Maybe we need to do some planning”

    “Planning … Uhg, fine. Planning planning planning…”

    I reach into my pocket and pull out a disk, pressing a clicky button as I do so. A holographic map of the galaxy appears. This thing is really cool.

    “Alright, let’s see. We are about … here” I zoom in on the map as I say this. I poke another point on the map as I continue talking. “Trade with Xanzlya is good this time of year, so that puts it about there. Maybe next we keep heading toward the galactic rim until you find a suitable drop off point?”

    “Sounds good.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is a sweet one, Greg. They’re traveling through space dropping off cargo until they have eventually part ways, right? Other than some punctuation errors, it’s good.

    2. I really the content, but it was not clear at all that it was a sci-fi. It sounded like a pirate novel, which it still is, but I had no indication before the clicky button that there was anything more advanced than a flintlock gun. Other than that it was really good, but I think, and this is just my opinion, that instead of using “Self:” whenever the character has a thought directed at themselves, you could surround the thought with quotation marks and to show that it’s two sides of a person arguing you could start a new line like you would in dialogue.

  13. The Man Himself Avatar
    The Man Himself

    Pleading Ignorant.
    By The Man Himself.

    Declan reclined and extended a hand for a beverage.
    “What are you doing?”
    “Giz a glass of something cold and hard.”
    “Declan. Declan, you’re going to die out here, you know that right? This is you being stoic and going down with the ship right? And I mean ‘going down with the ship’ in a strictly metaphorical sense since, y’know. You don’t even had a real boat to expire in.”
    Declan opened his eyes and surveyed his vessel. He’d lucked out really, there weren’t many cardboard boxes big enough for him to almost fully stretch out in, and the sides had bent and creased so they curved around him as he leant back, sagging to create a comfortable throne.
    “How is this thing even staying together?”
    Declan shrugged.
    The brightly coloured bird that perched on the side of his craft sighed.
    “I don’t understand why you’re stressing out…. Maurice? Is your name Maurice?”
    “It is if you think it is. Regardless, you need to get a hold of yourself. You don’t even have any water.”
    Declan squinted disbelievingly at Maurice and gestured all around him to the endless expanse of blue.
    “That’s saltwater Declan.” Declan didn’t react, apparently unmoved by this statement. “Have you been drinking saltwater!? Okay, this explains a lot.”
    “Hang on.” Declan held up a hand to call a time out. “How do you not know what I’ve been drinking? When could I possibly have snuck a quick sip of brine without you seeing?”
    “That’s what you have a problem with?” The bird replied through gritted teeth. Yuck. Bird teeth. “Tell me Declan, what even am I?”
    “A parrot?”
    “Why?”
    “Why what Maurice?”
    “Why am I a parrot?”
    “Cuz, y’know. The ocean. Pirates and all.”
    “Are you planning on trying to attack a passing ship!? Why am I here?”
    “It’s just the aesthetic man. Get over yourself.”
    “Tell that to yourself! Ask yourself these questions! Why the hell do I have to be the only part of your brain with enough sense to hate you right now?!”
    Declan shrugged. “So, no cocktail then?” Maurice swore and disappeared.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I laughed out loud for about 3 minutes at this, Man. So, if I’ve got this right, this is about a guy, Declan, stuck in the middle of an ocean, about to die of dehydration while hallucinating a bird named Maurice.

      These are my only critiques:
      You don’t even had (have) a real boat to expire in.”

      The formatting is off because of the lack of spaces.

      I’m assuming that the hard to follow flow is intentional to put the reader into Declan’s position. Highly effective. I hope he gets to safety and rehydrated. Great story, Man.

      1. The Man Himself Avatar
        The Man Himself

        Thanks!

    2. Michael Case Avatar
      Michael Case

      This is a pretty funny story. I like how the bird seems to get irritated about what kind of bird it is, when in reality the thing is just a delusion. My only issue is this line; “You don’t even had a real boat to expire in.”. Is the wording a mistake, or an error of Declan from is fragmenting mind?

      1. The Man Himself Avatar
        The Man Himself

        Justa typo. Thanks!

  14. Lari.B.Haven Avatar
    Lari.B.Haven

    Do you remember the Zeppelin? (From the Private group)
    By: Larissa (Lari.B.Haven)

    “The new model of Sky whale Zeppelin will arrive at Porto Real next week”. Said the headline.

    Carlos bent the newspaper and something jumped from his memories. It was a long time ago, but Carlos still remembered.

    The memory was so vivid. His lovely wife and the giant whale-like construction that sailed with tranquility above them in the sky.

    His five-year-old son was still in the realm of dreams and he and Zoella had just commemorated their first year of marriage.

    On that day they were walking around the town after a stressful visit to her family’s Mansion. His wife’s family always was a delicate subject for her. He hated the way they treat her, with cold looks and subtle insults.

    But on that warm afternoon, everything just seems to dissolve slowly after she put her feet on the beach sand.

    They sat quietly next to each other looking at the waves breaking on their feet until she spoke within a deep breath:

    “ He always looks so displeased with me.”

    “You don’t need to visit your grandfather if that’s how he makes you feel…”

    “I know…” She answered fixating her gaze on the fishing boats sailing.

    “Zoella, I’m your husband, I’m here for you.”

    She remained silent until something caught her attention. She held his hand surprized. A bluish silvery spot started to roll from behind the clouds.

    “It’s the Zeppelin, Carlos! It came early!” she said smiling. “They said it would only arrive next week!”

    The crowds soon fill the beach, the sailors waved and screamed from the boats, the children ran to the water to give a better look, everyone was overjoyed.

    All Carlos could do was look at her excitedly gasping and pointing. He occasionally glanced over the sky, the metal Behemoth was impressive, but nothing held more beauty than her joyful expression.

    Carlos wanted to see her smile again. While she was still in the hospital, he decided to sit in his writing desk and write her a letter:

    “My love, Do you remember the Zeppelin?”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Lari, I like this. A little more background is given into their relationship, and it’s very sweet. A family out enjoying their day and each other. There are a few tense changes and grammatical issues, but it’s solid overall. You’re improving beautifully. I also love Carlos’s unwavering love and dedication to Zoella. Him writing her a letter for the sole fact that he thought of her and remembered that day melts my heart. You’re doing splendidly at building this world. Great job.

    2. DesOttsel Avatar
      DesOttsel

      This is really bittersweet. I think people often pine for things in the past and this is a good example of that. I will say, while you characterize the wife well, the husband feels a little too bare bones. We know of some of his wants and dislikes, but you don’t get many specifics on how he feels about things. What does he think about her family, does he want to blow up on them, tell them off, does he simply want them to be civil. I know the word count is short, but I would have liked some more specific details about his mind since the core of the story seems to be more about how he feels about his wife.

  15. Joseph Kharms Avatar
    Joseph Kharms

    “The Golden Smoking Pipe”
    By Joe Kharms

    From birth I’d been given a family heirloom of sorts, it was a golden smoking pipe. I never went anywhere without it, even as a ninety-six year old woman I rarely had it out of my mouth. Often I would sit by the window smoking from it and gazing out at the front drive. One day, while staring out the window, a letter came.

    “Eleanor, the President requests you come to Washington to immigrate with him to the island of New America.” said the letter.

    “Can I open you now?” I asked the letter, who had spoken the message so eloquently.

    “Go to hell.” replied the letter, it seemed offended.

    After telling my husband about the President summoning me, he immediately arranged my transport. He asked me to pack, so I grabbed my belongings and went to the drive to await my transport.

    I stepped outside and found a horse. ‘How very old fashioned’ I thought to myself. I jumped on the horses’ back and got ready to ride the horse to Washington.

    “What are you doing!?” exclaimed the horse.

    “Riding you to Washington.”

    “I’m your bloody chauffeur!”

    On the drive to Washington I talked to the horse. His name was Brandon Sugar and he was very nice for a horse. He wasn’t great at driving, all horses are a bit dodgy. On the way I saw a yellow cat holding hands with a sky blue dog. Back in my day cats and dogs were sworn enemies, so it was an uneasy sight for me to witness.

    When I met the President we had tea together, and then he led me to his ship.

    We were walking up the gangplank when the President turned to me and said: “Chuck that Golden Smoking Pipe overboard, New America has no use for such a thing.”

    “I will not!” I fiercely replied.

    The President smiled, it was a warm smile yet full of remorse. He boarded the ship without me and sailed off into the sunset.

    When the sun disappeared under the Earth, I was plunged into darkness.

    The sun never rose again.

    1. Joseph Kharms Avatar
      Joseph Kharms

      Due to the word limit I had to sadly get rid of a lot of things from this story. One of those things importantly being that the yellow cat has one eye like a cyclops. Hope you enjoyed!

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is a rather different kind of tale. The imagery is great;
      I could see it unfold as I was reading it. It’s very grounded in one sense, but fantastical in another. I quite enjoyed it. The letter was my favorite part.
      Although the ending left me a bit sad. The old woman passed away, correct? Her actions remind me of my grandmother in her final years (she had dementia). Or I could be absolutely wrong. Does the pipe cause her to act that way? It’s a grand adventure with a quiet ending.

      This is my only critique:
      I jumped on the horses’(horse’s) back

      Very nicely done overall, Joseph. You write beautifully.

    3. I thought you had an interesting premise. I’m always fond of the invitation to a journey motif in a story. The writing style was very expressive. Made me want to know more about your main character.

      From the traditional storytelling perspective this tale struggles a bit to create a focus. We have the golden pipe, but it doesn’t seem to have much purpose other than being a object the protagonist will not relinquish. But we don’t get any advanced warning that the character’s refusal will end badly… so we don’t feel the angst the character feels when they literally ‘miss the boat.’ In a way, it makes the ending anti-climatic.

      You also introduce a number of character’s who don’t add to the story. They have clever dialog, but they don’t actually add to the story. It’s like having a full tank of gas. Then draining 90% off to give to other people. You story doesn’t have much left to get anywhere.

      1. Joseph Kharms Avatar
        Joseph Kharms

        You have highlighted exactly what I was trying to do with my story. Well analysed. And thank you!

    4. Cansas Dale Avatar
      Cansas Dale

      What an interesting story! The letter made me laugh quite a bit. You did a really good job. The words you used painted the picture incredibly well. I could see it all playing out in my head. The ending made me very sad but again it was phrased beautifully. You are a very talented writer!

  16. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    Eager Adventurers
    by Lunabear

    Aarun glided through the cottony magenta clouds of the midnight blue sky. The wind pushed his aquamarine and yellow striped sail at a brisk pace, his stance strong on his black glider. The green, bespectacled troll LOVED the open air, his red eyes glittering.

    “The captain of the skies, look how high I can fly! Over clouds and under moons, the windy Gale is my boon! The stars shine when I ask, avoiding the sun is no easy task!” Aarun sang as he traveled above sparkling waters and rolling orange hills.

    He was caught in a strong current, his sail threatening to fold, but he followed it on a loop de loop, a triumphant laugh echoing.

    The large mountain range came into view, a smile widening Aarun’s face.

    Gliding into a smooth landing, he dismounted and approached the cave entrance.

    “Avast ye, First Mate Malise!” Aarun called, affecting a favored accent. His voice echoed from the cavern walls before they were swallowed up into the darkness.

    A yawning roar was Malise’s greeting.

    “Wake up, ye scurvy dog! The high skies await us! Prepare to sail!” Aarun advised.

    “Will there be food?” a rumbling voice asked lazily.

    “Aye, First Mate! Heaps of it! Now, come along! We must hurry to collect our crew!”

    A dragon slithered from the cave. Faceted jade eyes and a sharp-toothed grin saluted Aarun, followed by a long, black scaled body with hair the color of the mystical blue flame.

    Malise stretched his six, two-toed limbs while shaking his three-horned head.

    Running at top speed, Malise leapt from the cliffside, righting himself in midair.

    Aarun followed Malise’s lead, catching a strong gust to steady himself.

    Stopping next to a river, Aarun dipped his fingers into the stream, wriggling them.

    A head popped up, and a loud squeal erupted from the pink otter, her turquoise eyes dancing. Malise hissed in pain. “Please, do NOT do that,” Malise groaned.

    “Deckhand Kaymen! Do ye be up for an adventure?”

    “Aye aye, Captain!” She gave a hearty salute.

    “Savvy! Board Malise! Next destination be the Fae lands to fetch Lookout Carm!”

    1. Joseph Kharms Avatar
      Joseph Kharms

      I love how this story is filled with magic and wonder. The description of the various creatures is superb. I particularly liked the pink otter with turquoise eyes, for some reason. An adventure with these lot sounds like great fun, I would certainly love to know what mischief they are certain to get up to.
      Good story!

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you. This was a fun piece, as I promised my kiddo I’d write him into a story one of these days. I’m thankful the imagery wasn’t overwhelming.

        Kaymen is an absolute sweetheart, though Malise would disagree. Hopefully, we’ll find out what this adventure is all about in a future installment. Thank you again for your review.

    2. I may have already given my two reviews, but damn if this story isn’t beautiful. I especially love the way the characters interact with each other. In a relatively short space, you have already established how these characters interact with each other and how close they seem. This feels like the beginning of a long and wondrous journey, filled with lots of banter between the characters. Great job!

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so much, Alex. This story is quite special to me, and I truly appreciate your review. I’m also grateful that you enjoyed it. Writing the characters was my absolute favorite part. Your review is certainly appreciated.

    3. This is awesome. There’s a real sense of adventure and discovery permeating the entire story and dragging me right into it. It all just feels so positive and happy and really gets me in a good mood. Reading this I found myself thinking of Adventure Time with the rag-tag crew of non humans and fantastical lands to explore. I got in the mood to write some lighthearted high fantasy stuff myself after reading this!

      I found this really inspiring and entertaining. Great work!

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you, T.E. I truly appreciate your review. This is based on a short story I told my son, who picked out most of the colors. I’m glad you enjoyed it and even more that it inspired you to write. That’s beautiful. ❤️❤️

  17. Matthew (Handsome Johanson) Avatar
    Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    The Spider
    By Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    It was a calm Autumn afternoon. Astrid was reading the latest Terry Pratchet novel, and Leah was in the kitchen making something for dinner. Orange flames gently swayed in the fireplace, gifting a cozy respite from the chilling afternoon breezes.

    “AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!”

    Suddenly, the atmosphere was shattered by the shrill scream of Leah in the kitchen. Astrid jumps out of her chair and races to her calls..

    “Oh my god. Are you ok?” she asks as the kitchen comes into view. In the corner, Leah was scrunched up, pointing at the food she was making.

    “There’s a spider on the counter. Kill it. Kill it!” Leah whimpered as the eight legged beast roamed the kitchen unabated. Astrid breathed a huge sigh of relief.

    “No!” Astrid scolded. “ I’m going to take it outside where he can be free.”

    “Ok, just get it out of here! And be careful, please. ” Leah pleaded, worried that the spider might try to attack with its dangerous fangs.

    Astrid grabbed a piece of paper and politely encouraged the little guy to get onboard. Together, they began their journey into the woods outside. She walked for a moment, before deciding she had gone far enough and carefully setting the small creature onto the forest floor.

    She turned to leave when she heard a harsh, raspy voice behind her.

    “Forgive me for being a bother, tonight.”

    “I’m sorry, what?” Astrid called out as she turned around to see no one behind her.

    “I tend to wander a bit too much for my own good.” The voice continued. “But I really appreciate you not killing me and throwing me away.”

    “T-the spider? Is that you?” Astrid stammered as her heart swelled up with fear.

    “Do not be afraid. My god has temporarily granted me the ability to talk. He has a message for you. If only you would come with me deeper into the forest.”

    “Uhh, I have to get back. My girlfriend is waiting for m-” But the voice interrupted.

    “No matter, I’ll be here whenever you are ready. Just call for Loki. He’ll know what to do.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Ok. So the sailing in this case is the spider on the newspaper, right? And the spider tries to Astrid to sail away into the woods? Which I find incredibly shady. Good on Astrid for NOT following the spider, even if he DOES talk. I also love how Loki is his deity. Ever the trickster god. A sweet piece, Matty. I hope poor Leah isn’t traumatized.

      My only critiques
      she asks (asked) as the kitchen comes (came) into view.

      A different take on sailing, but it’s a great one. Bravo.

    2. The Man Himself Avatar
      The Man Himself

      Nice. just one or two comments: With “suddenly, the atmosphere” you go from past tense (was) to present (jumps) kinda suddenly. Breaking up the Kill it, kill it! into two sentences breaks the flow a little and makes it feel less like genuine dialogue imo.
      When you refer to Leah worrying about the spider’s “dangerous fangs” I assume that this is meant to be a sarcastic reference to her overly dramatic response to this apparently harmless creature, but this doesn’t fully come across. Even if it’s not, and the spider is actually dangerous, this sentence seems a little out of place personally.
      Lastly, this is probably pretty subjective but the comment about “calling for Loki” and that ‘he’ll know what to do” kinda feels out of place with the assumed relationship between the spider and the god. It makes it sound like Loki is obeying the spider’s orders rather than vice versa. I could be misinterpreting the intent behind this line though.

  18. Twangyflame0 Avatar
    Twangyflame0

    Run
    By TwangyFlame0

    “WHY THE FUCK ARE WE RUNNING AWAY?!” Danth’s kobold ears flapped as he ran through the trees.

    “BECAUSE THERE’S A GIANT FUCK OFF SQUID MAN WITH A HALBERD CHASING US!!” Bjorn ran as fast his dwarf legs could take him.

    “A WHAT?!”

    “I SAID-”

    “I WAS BEING FUCKING RHETORICAL, RUN!!” Danth snapped back, almost running on all fours.

    The two small humanoids ran, as, through the trees, another humanoid creature three times the duo’s height, wearing a sigil on its chest and with a large halberd in its hand. Its form was shadowed as the village behind it burned, its yellow, hate-filled eyes locked on the two humanoids.

    Danth was faster than his companion and reached the beach where their dingy was moored. He didn’t waste time untying anything and just cut the rope keeping the dingy on the beach. He began pushing the dingy as hard as he could out into the sea. He got a few feet out before turning to his partner, “JUMP!!”

    Bjorn hopped on a rock and jumped as far he could. Danth extended his hand and used magic to push his friend closer to the dingy. When the dwarf landed, Danth used his magic again to steady the waters around them. He then turned towards the beach, “Hold on to something!”

    As he pointed his hands towards the beach, their pursuer came out of the tree line. Its dark purple skin was illuminated by the moonlight. It screamed and began running towards them. Danth forced the magic building around him outwards in a gust of wind that pushed them far out into the sea. The dingy crashed against the waves like a rock skipping over stones. Both Danth and Bjorn screamed out as they held onto the sides of the boat for dear life.

    Once the force of the wind subsided, they both began heaving, their chests rising and falling quickly. Bjorn puked over the side when Danth noticed a strange set of blankets under one of the seats. Danth slowly looked underneath and saw a small human girl, shaking in fear.

    1. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      Cross-post from the private chat. Please enjoy and tell me how you feel.

    2. Lucas N. Avatar
      Lucas N.

      I like how this starts as a fantasy chase sequence. Its a good motivation for the premisse of this weeks topic. Especially the character of Danth is nicely introduced thru the dialogue. The last paragraph sparks interest for more. Like, why does Dant is anxious when he finds the girl? Its a good setup for the stories to come.

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is a pulse-pounding ride, Twangy. I love that you brought back one of your squid brothers. Bjorn and Danth’s situation is harrowing but hilarious. I love the banter between them. Glad they got to the boat, and will hopefully escape the terrifying beast who pursues them. But who is the little girl? Where did she come from, and how did she get into the boat? I love suspense and mystery of it all. Awesome story.

    4. The Man Himself Avatar
      The Man Himself

      Good job! Just a few comments: You use “humanoid” a lot, it might be good to switch some of them for synonyms. The “the two small humanoids ran” sentence ends rather abruptly. You say “as, through the trees,” and hen describe their pursuer but then stop. Lastly, since he’s already in the boat, shouldn’t he be using the magic to “pull” his friend rather than “push”? (This phrasing might just be because of how you imagine the magic working though.) Nice story!

    5. The tension is kept high throughout the whole thing, and hat is appreciated. This played out like any chase scene should. A few critiques are the liberal use of the word “humanoid”, and also an early and rapid-fire string of swears that lose their meaning and punch quickly. Other than that, good job!

  19. IsaDragon337 Avatar
    IsaDragon337

    You Don’t Have To Stay
    By IsaDragon337

    Talin blinked. “Come again?”

    “Come aboard the Sierra when we leave.” Tack’kal wiggled a feeler-arm at the sterilized greenery. “You are clearly miserable here.”

    “We barely know each other.”

    Tack’kal tinted purple in frustration. “We have been ‘pen-pals’ for many months. Many of your letters describe dissatisfaction with your life. And you smell miserable.”

    “I’m not miserable.”

    Tack’kal glared with all 15 of his eyes. “To use a human term: Bee-ess”

    “I’m not!” He heaved a sigh at the blue-tinted radiation dome. “It’s just… after the destruction of Earth, everybody’s walking on glass around me!” He slammed his hand on the synthetic grass of the ‘recreation park’. “I never even visited! All my relatives moved off The Dustball decades ago! There was nothing there for me!”

    “Come with me, when I go.”

    Talin buried his head in his knees. “The captain will hate me.”

    “Alexi will like you.”

    “Ship probably vents oxygen.”

    “I breathe oxygen. And there is a Veershara on board, you can get plenty of UV.”

    “Did you already think this through?”

    “Yes. You are not happy here. I want you to be happy. You are my friend.”

    “Using my own language against me. Jerk.” He was smiling.

    Tack’kal turned an eye-searing chartreuse in smug joy. The human handbook had said that insults in a ‘playful tone’ were indicators of strong friendship.

    “What would I even do on a ship like that?”

    “Extra beings are always needed for cargo.”

    “She’s a cargo freighter? What’s she hauling?”

    “Vanity items.”

    “I’m a farmer.”

    “Earth ‘mint’ and Chauleain ‘chabbage’ are two popular imports for many planets.”

    “Nice to know that something not poisonous made it off planet.”

    “We could see Kal’ash’katan.”

    “The jungle planet?”

    “My species’ homeworld.”

    Talin’s head poked out of his knees. “What. No, wait. How do you know the ship is sailing there?”

    “Captain Alexi insisted. She needed someone who knew plants, and the great libraries are there.”

    “How do you know the crew won’t treat me like a time bomb?”

    Tack’kal smirked. “The captain’s human too.”

    1. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      This is very cool. I really like Tack’kal. Is he like a jellyfish or cuttlefish like entity that changes color to show emotions? Either way, I really like the bond between these two and how you’re able to fit a lot of exposition into just a few lines. It almost feels like the fact that they are different species is the thing that brings them closer together and just makes this scene ever more wholesome.

      1. IsaDragon337 Avatar
        IsaDragon337

        I honestly first thought of Tack’kal as a sort of rhino like entity? Large, mostly 4 legged, with a sort of shell-like carapace and a ‘mane’ of feeler arms that he uses to manipulate various objects. The color change affects the arms and some markings on his haunches, but for the most part he’s grey with purple scale armor. And 15 yellow eyes. But yes, they’re both the only creatures of their species on this particular space station, and had semi-mandatory bonding because of it.

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      There’s so much to love about this story, Dragon. I love how you open up in the middle of things. The world-building is astounding. It’s immersive and enchanting. And I love how your write from Tack’kal’s perspective, as it gives the reader a clearer view of the things. Everything here is tightly packed to the point that the reader doesn’t need to see anything beyond mentioned, but it’s written in such a way that we WANT to see it.

      I also really love the descriptions for everything, especially Tack’kal, who is learning about humans. The way he(?) changes shades for various states of emotion is a lovely touch. I definitely laughed a few times during. And the reader can FEEL the friendship and peace between Tack’kal and Talin.

      Also, so many questions. What happened to Earth? Why are the others tiptoeing around Talin and his emotional state? Why does Captain Alexi not like Talin? If she DOES hold him in a favorable light, why does he think she doesn’t? Did Talin have something to do with Earth’s destruction?

      I can’t tell you enough how stupendous this story is. Definitely one of my favorites. Excellent, wonderful crafting.

      1. IsaDragon337 Avatar
        IsaDragon337

        I’m glad you like it so much! It’s my first on Tale Foundry. As for your questions, here’s a hint. Humanity took to the stars long ago in verse and scattered all over, but Earth was destroyed very recently, and the Dustball was one of its nicknames pre-destruction. I imagine many space-cultures, like real cultures, put an emphasis on the importance of the homeworld of a species or the origin place of a particular thing or idea. Alexi may or may not be a smuggler, and Talin has a very low opinion of himself. They haven’t met.

    3. Oooh. This is quite a charming scenario. It’s been a little bit since I read a “friendship”-type submission that I really really liked. This one is very heartfelt and touching in a way that can be quite tricky to pull off.

      Honestly, I think the thing that really carries this piece is definitely the characters themselves. You’ve done a great job of giving them a sense of personality indirectly – my personal favourite bit was probably where Tack’kal thinks about the ‘human handbook’, with the colour changes a close second. You’ve managed to tie in setting elements and use *those* to help us understand your characters and what they’re feeling here – it’s quite smooth and efficient, and really helped to pull me along and get a sense of who the characters are.

      Speaking of the worldbuilding, that’s another huge positive here. I don’t know if you already had this world or if you simply came up with the elements for this story, but you did a fair job of introducing them in what to me seemed like an organic fashion, especially when the apparent desruction of Earth was mentioned.

      Also, bonus points for “the Dustball” lol.

      Now, this is probably largely due to the wordlimit, but I did have some issues visualizing some parts of the story – particularly “heaved a sigh at the blue-tinted radiation dome”. I had to stop and think for a moment, because up until then I had firmly visualized it in my head as an open-air location or some sort of woods. This is an extremely small issue, and is probably just mostly me, but I felt like I should mention it.

      Overall, this submission was really good! It reads nicely, the story is fun (and despite the circumstances that presumably brought them to this point) is almost uplifting, and the setting itself is fascinating. I’m really glad I stopped by to read this. Gotta say, this is a submission to be proud of. Well done.

      1. IsaDragon337 Avatar
        IsaDragon337

        Thank you! It’s my first finished piece under 700 words, so you can imagine the trimming down that had to happen to get one half the length. I tried to imply setting with little notes like that, but it you’re confused it takes place in what’s basically a park made entirely of fake plants inside a multi-cultural space station built for food farming with a population the size of a small town. The radiation dome is tinted blue like many worlds’ skies to try to simulate a planetside park better. So yes, it is an open-air area, just… in space. Characterization is something I tend to struggle with, particularly voice, so I’m glad you think I did a good job.

  20. Employee Orientation
    By PitL

    Footage: April 9th, 2194 – Unaired

    Greetings, once and future employee! I would like to be the first to give you a warm welcome to Starlight Enterprises (TM)! Whether you’re from the Inner Planets or Jupiter Station, we’re pleased you’ve come to sail the stars with us!

    The first thing to remember here at Starlight is simple: we staff are a family. There is no “I”. Each crew has at least twelve members working at any given time, and all of them are specifically restructured to care and trust each other more deeply than you could ever imagine. In fact, happiness and morale are our highest priorities!

    Despite appearances, we are aware that there’ve been rumours. Ships going offline, people disappearing. We can swear with the utmost sincerity that you and your crew are perfectly safe out here in the void of space.

    Of course, even if they were true, it wouldn’t matter! For you, the voyage is what matters! There isn’t anything before the journey, and there isn’t anything after. Trust us! Come with us!

    Now that we have that out of the way, we’d like to address matters of payment and benefits. We know that you need your money, and it’s coming soon! We just need to straighten out a few monetary details, write up some contracts, and you’ll be receiving your first paycheck before you can –

    Oh. I’m sorry, didn’t catch that –

    Okay. Are we still rolling or –

    Got it. We can cut it out later.

    Now that we have that out of the way, we’d like to address payment and benefits. Starlight employees don’t need payment. You enjoy working for us. You want to come with us. However, complimentary psychological services will be available immediately upon arrival.

    I hope this covered all of your big questions. You’ll be reporting to your latest assignment shortly; upon arrival head directly to your captain. Do not speak to anyone else. Do not acknowledge anyone else. There is no one else. Begin your journey!

    Happy travels!

    END RECORDING

    1. Cross-post from private, as usual. Hope y’all enjoy!

    2. IsaDragon337 Avatar
      IsaDragon337

      I am a sucker for this kind of uncaring comedy/horror. I admit it, I have a problem. And this piece does it very, very well. This feels like an opening to a dystopia-type story, maybe the listener didn’t know they were ‘working’ for Starlight before they woke up to this playing. Maybe this is found in one of those ‘disappeared’ ships. It’s such an open-ended piece that sets a tone of ‘what did I get myself into’ and leaves the reader wondering ‘what happened’ or giggling at the blunt ridiculousness. This is an entire world you set up right here, in less than 350 words. Color me impressed.

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Pit. I love this. It’s shading dealings and contradictory statements throughout ALL of this. It’s exactly like a real recruitment/promotional advertisement. I can’t tell you how many times I laughed out loud while reading this. I also love how the speaker talks about editing out that one part, but never gets around to doing it. Granted, it’s unaired, but still. A trip through the stars no one wants to embark upon. I almost feel bad for Starlight Enterprises. Great story, man. Bravo.

    4. Eden rose Avatar
      Eden rose

      i like how this feels like some Creepy found footage stuff with the company downplaying all the likely True Rumors about it to get the gullible and Desperate to Sign on and maybe make them more money. though. if they do keep losing ships why keep sending people out? more to explore later.

    5. I adore this style of storytelling. I imagined this as something being blared out of the ship PA system, and it got me into the story right from the start. There’s this uncaring yet funny vibe about the whole thing that reminded me somewhat of Hitchhiker’s Guide, the universe is horrible and uncaring, but it’s also pretty comedic. The part with the announcer going of script caught me off guard and I nose exhaled pretty damn hard at that.

      Great work, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this.

  21. Divine Holiday
    By T.E.

    Whipple crawled out of the hammock and found a whole bunch of humans surrounding him.

    “I’m not in the mood for more worship,” he said and stumbled a few steps before emptying his stomach onto the white sand. “Lovely punch yesterday, but I have to move along. Put up a few more statues until next time. Toodeloo!”

    The crowd made way while Whipple shielded his eyes from the sun, his head felt like a minor deity could emerge from it at any moment. He stumbled towards Jerakeen, his giant turtle who bore his small bungalow upon her back. The local humans kept their distance to the turtle, out of fear or respect Whipple didn’t know, nor did he care.

    “Missed me much?” he said with a smile as he stroked Jerakeen’s emerald shell. When the turtle had taken him out onto open sea he leaned back on her shell and sighed with relief. “Free offerings whenever we pass by, ain’t that nice Jerakeen?”

    The sound of a sneeze emanated from the small bungalow. A tiny squeaking sneeze. Nevertheless, it caught Whipple off guard. “Who’s there? Show yourself or face divine wrath!”

    A tiny human emerged from the bungalow. “Mighty Whipple! I’m here to offer you my service.”

    “What the? I have no need for a domestic human. Off you go.”

    “I know many secrets of humankind that could aid one such as you. Look at this,” it showed him a browning banana it had brought.

    “You do realize I created bananas, right?”

    “But I can change it. I can make it into banana wine.”

    “Go on.”

    “I can make food, drink, and all kinds of stuff! All I want is to see the world. Take me with you and you will never be wanting human creations.”

    “That doesn’t sound half bad. Just promise to be quiet unless spoken to. I have quite a horrible headache”

    The human nodded.

    Whipple patted the human on its head. “Jerakeen set course for anywhere except whence we just came. It’s time to see some world!”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Whipple is such a fun name to say. This is incredibly good, T.E. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to like Whipple, though. He’s the protagonist, yes, but he’s kind of a jerk. Pretty arrogant, too. But I suppose I would be, too, if I were a deity. I also really love Jerakeen because she’s a turtle, and though she has no dialogue, there’s a quiet grace about her. I’m intrigued to see where they head off to. One thing, though: if Jerakeen is so huge, then how did the human get on her back into the bungalow?

      This is the only critique.

      I have quite a horrible headache(.)”

      A fun, engaging story, nonetheless. Excellent imagery and characterizations. Great job.

      1. I’m glad you liked it. I might redo this one as a longer short story in the future as I had a lot of trouble keeping it under 350, but I’m very glad it’s enjoyable in its current form. Whipple is supposed to come across as arrogant and mostly uncaring about human affairs. Regarding the climbing on the turtle business I imagined her being submerged in the water like a small moving island or a large raft, and so possible to climb onto without a lot of hassle.

        Thanks for the comment and the read!

        1. Lunabear Avatar
          Lunabear

          Oh. I see. And please do write more. It’s wonderful. You’re most welcome. Thank you for taking the time to explain.

  22. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    Offering the Stars (Corespace Universe)
    By Calliope Rannis

    “No!” exclaimed Clev Repper, breaking his normally quiet demeanor. “No, I mean…what you are suggesting is…completely unsafe-”

    “Just think about it for a moment okay?” Astra replied, gesturing for him to sit back down, before turning to her other prospective partner. “What about you? Are you interested?”

    Ember was still languidly laying sideways in her chair, but her eyes were now looking right at Astra’s own rather than the patterned ceiling. “Well, I do love the idea of stealing some billionaire prat’s prize toy, but this is much more of a, ah, commitment than what I prefer to do.” She sat up a little. “I keep my statements low key for a reason after all.”

    Astra paced for a few seconds, fiddling with her long dark-blue hair. This wasn’t working. She was no orator, she couldn’t convince these two people to follow her to the stars, all she was EVER good for was knowing things that she never got to see –

    Knowledge. Facts. Maybe just use facts. You know those, after all.

    She turned and replied: “Ember Rhilanin, your petty vandalism and public disturbances aren’t ‘statements’, they are an excuse.”

    “What-” Ember blurted.

    Astra rattled on. “You are a thrill-seeker. What you ‘say’ with your actions is inconsistent and generic because you don’t actually care, you just want to be chased, to evade capture again and again. What I’m offering you is the epitome of that – an endless chase to the far reaches of space, with a ship that will be able to outrun your pursuers every time.” She smiled and softened. “At least, if that ship has a pilot as good as you at the helm.”

    Ember stared at her for a moment, before shifting her body to face forwards. “You’ve certainly done your research. I feel like I should be concerned about that, but you ARE right.” She stood up. “Your plan is insane, Astra Adoras. But it’s the exact kind of madness I’ve always wanted to try.”

    She extended a black-nailed hand, which Astra took with delight, before swiftly turning to Clev.
    “Thought about it yet?”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      A space adventure. Getting heavy Treasure Planet vibes from this one, Calliope. I love how Astra thinks things out and approaches from different angles when she sees a certain tactic isn’t working for certain people. The descriptions are also fabulous. I could picture everything so clearly. Space pirates. I especially love Ember. She’s so snarky and a wee bit arrogant.

      My critique

      She stands (stood) up.

      Opening on dialogue always gets people’s attention. I hope Clev (sorry) is able to join the crew. What is his specialty? You and your cliffhangers. Love it, though. You never fail to write engaging, immersive tales, and I look forward to them every week. Bravo.

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Do you mean Clev Luna? His specialty is mechanic/repairperson, though he’s particuarly well known for mechanical mastery way beyond what he was trained for. In fact. that’s the whole basis of his name – he’s a Resource Worlder, and their names in adulthood are based off of their role in the endless labour for resource extraction from the planet they are on.

        So Clev-Clever, and Repper – Repairperson. He’s The Clever Repairperson. And his fellow workers with the same role on that planet would also have the surname Repper too, though their first names would be different – if there was another one known for being clever, their first name would be a synonym like Smart – Smar or Brainy – Bran etc.

        And I am very glad you liked this piece, especially the characters! They are my main three characters for if I ever write a larger (novel-length) story in Corespace in fact! I was worried that the dialogue would be too expositiony or something like that, but it seems to have worked okay in the end.
        Thank you!! <3

        1. Lunabear Avatar
          Lunabear

          Ah. Ok. CLEV. Got it. You’re most welcome, and thank you for taking the time to explain. And yes, it’s wonderful.

  23. Lucas Nensel Avatar
    Lucas Nensel

    Lofty Waters
    By: Nenthusiast

    “Weigh Anchor!” shouted the quartermaster.

    “Aye!” answered a chorus of men.

    The morning sun was about to rise, when the crew of the “Chasing Misery” got a look on their next target. The ship sealed its presence, waiting in a cloud, so that just the lookout went above the never-ending sea of clouds. As the engines started, the soaring anchor was quickly lifted and the Misery started to rise. As they ascended, a few spotlights shined bright upon them.

    “Raise the red flag! Ready the cannons. Let’s give them a warm welcome, boys!” The captains command went through a system of pipes. “This is our last chance to secure gas and food. Be quick about it.” She went to a different pipe. “Gunners on position?”.

    A metallic “Aye” shouted back.

    “Status report?” she asked the sailing master.

    “Contact in about two minutes. We will have the opportunity to fire into their starboard bow.” He confidently reported back.

    For the next minute you could only hear the sound of running engines, rotating propeller and the steps on board of the crew. The Misery slowly gained momentum to put itself with their Port in front of the approaching ship.

    “Fire in the hole!”. The first few cannonballs flew across the sky, piercing thru the walls of the ship. Smoke where soon spotted and the ship began to sank down.

    “We must have hit the engines!” informed the lookout the captain.

    “Ready to enter! You have less time than expected!” said the captain into the pipes.

    “No one who falls, ever comes back the same”. The crew repeated the last sentence.

    Twenty men, wearing a long rope, a big basket on their back and armed to the teeth, were standing on a catwalk beneath the Misery’s vessel.

    “Jump!”

    On command they fell down into the lofty heights, landing upon their target. Gunshots. Screams. For the next few minutes. 17 men came back, the other ropes were cut. With there baskets filled with loot.

    “Good job boys. They went straight to Davy Jones’ Locker. May we hope, no one who falls, ever comes back.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Lucas, this is a fantastic adventure. There is so much comraderie between the captain and crew. Definitely heard sea-fairing music playing for the duration. You give excellent descriptions and show how well the crew of the ‘Chasing Misery’ interact with one another. An amazing name for a ship, by the by. Also, my misogynistic brain assumed the captain to be a man until I was told otherwise. My apologies.

      These are my critiques:
      The ship sealed (concealed) its presence

      The captain(‘)s command

      For the next minute(,) you could only hear the sound (the only sounds heard were)

      Smoke where (was) soon spotted and the ship began to sank(sink) down.

      piercing thru (through) the walls of the ship.

      “We must have hit the engines!” informed the lookout (to) the captain. (You can stop after lookout. The crew defers to the captain.)

      Twenty men, wearing long rope(s), big basket(s) on their back(s)

      You don’t need a period after closed quotations. Period goes inside the quotations unless a question mark or exclamation point us already present.

      Screams for the next few minutes. 17 men came back with their baskets filled with loot. The other ropes were cut.

      I really did love this story, though. Perhaps you can have someone proofread before you submit next time. I genuinely hope you keep writing; you’ve got a way with descriptions and putting the reader directly in the middle of the action. It’s definitely an immersive experience. A wonderous adventure in the skies. Bravo, Lucas.

      1. Lucas N. Avatar
        Lucas N.

        Thank you so much. I am not a native speaker so I have to improve my grammar, spelling etc. I will try my best.

        1. Lunabear Avatar
          Lunabear

          You’re absolutely welcome. You did a great job here. Honestly. It’s also a wonderful story. If you need any help, I’d be happy to.

  24. MysteryElement Avatar
    MysteryElement

    Fairer Skies and Wilder Dreams
    By MysteryElement

    (Also posted in Private)

    John and Paul made their way through the market, the same routine as the day before, and all days before that. They had little to sell, but it was a living. One had to make a living. They wandered the coast line, passing many canopied stalls and shouting vendors, when John caught sight of a poster, brown and worn in the salty breeze. Calling Paul over to read it, the two shared a glorious grin before suddenly dashing away from the market, their small basket of wares left behind. The poster had read:

    “My name is Lionel, though it hasn’t been for long, and I am what you might call a ‘Daydreamer’. When stray dreams and thoughts take form, rising into the cloudy sea, that’s where you’ll find me and my crew.

    I’ve had other crews before, friends and good lads from all over. But I can no longer remember their names, very much like I cannot recall my own from that time. One of the dangers of Daydreamin’ you see, is you will eventually fade into the clouds to join the dreams if you’re at this job long enough. It’s not guaranteed, I’ve been at this job longer than most, but I’ll not sugar-coat it for ye.

    To be a daydreamer, you have to be brave and adventurous, all caution thrown to the wind before setting sail. You’ll see things like you’ve never seen before, sailing the vast open sky like common fishermen as we cast our lines for ideas and dreams, maybe even catchin’ the occasional nightmare! Common sense is not a welcome commodity on the Dream-Catcher, and if you don’t like it; you’re not welcome aboard.

    If you are lookin’ for the adventure of your lives, come find me. You don’t have to look hard, I can be found anywhere dreams are made real. Look to the sky, and you’ll see me aboard the Dream-Catcher comin’ to claim ye, and we’ll sail away to fairer skies and wilder dreams”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Ooooh, Mystery. The poster is certainly enticing. I love the return of Lionel. Does that mean the little boy is a part of his crew now, too? Also, you give great motivation for John and Paul wanting to join the crew; they’re poor and something more for their lives. How did Lionel become a Daydreamer?

      The only critique I have
      the two share(d) a glorious grin

      I love this take; it sounds like the beginning of many skyward adventures. And the title is brilliant. Great job.

  25. Connor A. Avatar
    Connor A.

    “New Start”
    By Connor A.

    “Are you sure this is a good idea?” Jamila pulled at her sleeves as she walked with Amir on the yacht. “There’s a reason Professor Penn told us to avoid mermaids in our first year.”

    “He said nothing about bribing them to keep everyone safe,” Amir pointed out. “Besides, he told us to stay away from vampires, and we know how Jason found out about magic.”

    Jamila was stuck on what Amir opened with, “I’m sorry, you bribed the mermaids?”

    “I’m not the only one who likes salmon.”

    They eventually made it to the main deck where Balthazar, Oboto, Avi, and Jason were playing cards.

    Amir smiled as he walked ahead and exclaimed, “Mermaids! The only creatures that have a chance against my beauty!”

    “Cut the drama,” Jamila interrupted as she walked in front of him and picked up Amir’s speech. “I want to remind everyone that normal boat safety applies even with subdued mermaids.”

    They nodded and went back to their game. With that settled, Amir draped himself over the side while grinning at Jamila, clearly trying to get on her nerves.

    About five minutes passed before Jamila looked over and saw several shapes approaching the boat. “It’s time.”

    Jason walked over to the side and looked out just as the mermaids breached the water like dolphins.

    “What are the odds?” Oboto grinned as she walked over and rested her elbows on the edge. “I didn’t see that until my third year.”

    “Guess that’s a good sign for my hormone treatment, then,” Jason said with a small laugh.

    The others looked at him in shock. Amir gave more of a reaction, almost slipping on the deck from mere shock alone. “You’re starting?!”

    Jason stopped laughing. “I forgot to tell you guys, didn’t I?”

    “I think we would have remembered if you told us,” Avi pointed out.

    Amir took out his phone and scrolled through it. “I can make this work.”

    “Make what work?” Balthazar asked.

    “A party for our self-made man, obviously!”

    Jason laughed once more as everyone started celebrating the news.

    1. Nice piece. I must admit, at first I thought it was going to be about mermaid-watching (even though the title did suggest otherwise), but I’m glad it went a different route. Having read several of your submissions now, I am really beginning to like some of these characters and I can’t wait to see more. This story really feels like it could be either the first or last chapter of a book, which only adds to the idea of a new start.

      1. Connor A. Avatar
        Connor A.

        Thank you so much! I’ve grown attached to these characters since I started writing about them, so I’m glad others feel the same way. The title was the hardest thing about this submission because I wanted to keep with the theme of the prompt without giving away the ending too much.

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I’m always so excited to read your stories, Connor. You have such rich characters and in depth world-building. And this one is no exception. AND you got the gang together. I LOVE the way they interact with each other; each character shines in their own way. It’s also wonderful to see Jason progressing so beautifully through his transition, as well as how loving and supportive everyone is. This family dynamic is wholesome and heartwarming. Though, where are Jason’s parents and grandmother throughout all of this? I’m REALLY curious. Fantastic story, all the same.

      1. Connor A. Avatar
        Connor A.

        Thank you so much! If I can’t transition in my current situation, then Jason sure as hell can. He deserves it. It’s funny you should mention Jason’s parents, because one variant of this submission had him coming out to his parents and cutting them out of his life as a result (because they’re not accepting); however, I had a hard time doing it in the given word limit because of how that coming out goes down. As for his grandmother, she always knew that Jason was a guy (prophet and all that), so there wouldn’t really be much to write about there. I’ll have to write about those two interacting at some point.

        1. Lunabear Avatar
          Lunabear

          You’re most welcome. And good on you. I hope everything is going as well as possible. I would honestly love to see Jason cut ties with his toxic parents and have a sweet reunion with his grandmother. I’m also very excited to see Jason coming into his own, and I hope the same goes for you as well, Connor. ❤️❤️

          1. Connor A. Avatar
            Connor A.

            ❤️

    3. Joseph Kharms Avatar
      Joseph Kharms

      I really enjoyed this. The characters were individual and charismatic in there own way. I could tell a lot of effort was put into fleshing these characters out. The dialogue was great, you could have written an entire podcast worth of dialogue with these characters and it would have been enjoyable. Well done, you string together all the different elements nicely!

      1. Connor A. Avatar
        Connor A.

        Thank you so much! To me, characters can serve as a tell for how much thought went into the overall story (at least in modern stories). It’s the main reason why I wasn’t a fan of Avengers Endgame; all of the heroes were sorta strung along by the plot of “change what Thanos did” and they were really bland as a result. I want to avoid that “bland character” pitfall in my works.

        I have been tempted to write a podcast before, but with school and moving, I just never got around to it. I’ll probably be able to consider it more when everything starts to settle down.

  26. Song Heals All Wounds
    By: Frei

    The crowd looked like an ocean as I mounted the rickety stage. I felt every painful squeal of the planks underneath my weight groan up through my bones. Surely everyone in the bar heard them, and I felt a few dozen eyes on the back of my head, and a single pair boring into the front.

    “The hell are you doing here?” My brother asked, a mix of confusion and a raising defense to his tone, ready to parry anything I was going to reply.

    I didn’t oblige his defense, and simply shrugged, unhooking the second of the four microphones off of the stand atop the tiny TV screen. I’d have to break through that armor of his, and I think I knew exactly how.

    “Could you play Styx?”

    My sibling’s eyes remained locked on me, and I felt them burning a hole in the side of my skull as I turned to the DJ. He got a playful look to his face, as he knew who I was. Whole town knew who I was, and he didn’t need to ask which song to play. Away he went on his search. I turned to face the piercing gaze of my brother, but rather than be met with a hard, pointed spear, he looked more like a pool noodle. His face reddened, and sheen glossed his eyes.

    “That’s it then, huh? Just gonna play mom’s song, and that’s gonna make me forget everything?”

    The piano notes began, and I smiled. I felt the itch of tears crawling their way up my eyelids. “You stepping off the stage, or are we doing this?” I finally retorted. His guard was down, and it struck him dead in the heart. All I got was a nod, but his feet didn’t move. He turned to look at the blank screen, lyrics ready to start. We looked back to each other several times. We sang our lungs out for each other, for the bar, and for our broken up family; was this hope for us? Was a corny karaoke night the key? Turns out it was.

    1. A family that sings karaoke comes together (while a family that bowls splits). While I would rather jump in legs first into a woodchipper then karaoke I can and have seen it bring people together (to drink). I like the play on the prompt going as far as what most of us are doing, nice. I always thought the opening to Come Sail Away was a flute of some kind? Unlike most stories, this almost reads like a Hollywood ending rather than a beginning. Excellent read.

    2. IsaDragon337 Avatar
      IsaDragon337

      I love the feeling of this piece! It feels like someone realized a mistake, and is doing their best to fix it the only way they know how. First person is challenging for many people, and there might be a tad much introspection, but you pulled it off nicely, especially the opening paragraph. There’s a lot of mystery to this story as well, and piecing together what’s not being said had me reading it three or four times over.

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is an interesting dynamic, Frei. I enjoyed how you build tension before you expose the setting. There was an uneasy feeling throughout this story until the very end. I feel sadness for these brothers, despite not knowing the full scope of what happened. Presumably, their mom died, right? What happened with their father? Why is there so much strain between them in the beginning? I’m glad they could reconcile in the end, but I’m still curious as to what happened behind the scenes. Also, I really enjoy your use of metaphor here. Very well done.

  27. Flytrap
    By Alex Nightingale (aka Spectre)

    Jonas was running through the forest, tears in his eyes. Branches snapped at his face, as he held his bruised arm. He could hear the jeering and laughter from behind him.

    “Come out, little fish! Come out!”

    The cackling intensified. Jonas tried to ignore them, but their words stung deep into his soul.

    “I just want to leave”, he whispered, between sobs: “I just want to get away.”

    “Hey”, a soft voice said: “Are they being mean to you?”

    “Who?” Jonas whirled around.

    “Over here”, the voice said: “Follow my voice and we can walk away together. Or sail. Do you like sailing?”

    Every fiber in Jonas’ body told him not to. His mind told him not to. But there was an urge in his mind. A desire to be free; to finally be free from bullying and cat-calling and being beaten up every day. A desire that was stoked, grown into a festering plant, with its roots deep in his brain. Every mental defense he had left broke down. Every rational thought was replaced, by a feeling of pure want. He wanted to walk away, sail away. And he wanted to reach that voice to do it.

    And so, like a fly attracted to scent, he followed the voice.

    Some small part of his mind resisted the tug; resisted the burning urge, which had taken hold of his body.

    “Who… Who are you?” he asked.

    “My name is Cynthia”, she said: “Cynthia Bennett.”

    The scent drew the fly closer, forcing it to inch into reach.

    He rounded a tree and came face to face with a young girl, not much older than he was. She was in bad shape. She was sitting against a tree, her skin grey and leathery. It looked tattered, like an old suit. Compassion suddenly overcame Jonas. He couldn’t leave her here, no matter who she was. He whirled around, as the jeering grew closer, his eyes off Cynthia.

    The Bodythief grinned, as it began to peel itself out of long-dead Cynthia’s skin. Its new host was here. And it had even brought food.

    1. Connor A. Avatar
      Connor A.

      Ah, our friendly neighborhood Bodythief. I’m always blown away by your stories! I don’t recall if you showed how this creature operated before, but at the very least you showed it in action here. I can wait to see what Jonas does next now that he’s a victim of the Bodythief.

      1. Thank you, Connor! The Bodythief has shown up before, but only in some very brief blink-and-you-miss-it moments (physically for the Soul Industry and mentioned by name in a Different Kind of War). Its the first time, it had an entire story dedicated to it.

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is incredibly frightening, Alex. I love how you weave this tale. It felt like I was there in person. I feel so terribly sad for Jonas. Away from bullies only to be tricked and trapped by this terrible creature. Likening him to a fly captured by a spider is wonderful symmetry. And poor Cynthia. I hope Jonas has a way out. Eerie take. Bravo.

      1. Thanks a bunch, Luna! The Bodythief is something that has shown up briefly and wanted to dedicate some time to for a while now. I’m glad you enjoyed.

    3. Truly a horrid fate for Jonas. But a taste of just desserts for the bullies. Perhaps this is a metaphor for running away from one’s problems? You escape them, sure, and those problems may suffer for your disappearance, but don’t you lose yourself that way? If only Jonas had turned around and faced the bullies head on…

    4. Joseph Kharms Avatar
      Joseph Kharms

      Great story! I loved the metaphor of the fly being lured in by a plant. I think in a way we have all done something similar (although it has not ended so badly I hope) where we break away rationality and follow our instinct.
      It really captures the feeling of sailing away, it shows us how fantastical it makes us feel but reminds us of the brutal reality of following our heart.
      Good story, well done!

  28. Setting a Stolen Sail

    By Mike Collins (Lakemoron)

    The pirate Captain directed his crew to tie down the supplies as they load them to distribute the weight in their stolen vessel. His first officer led the acquisition of their new arms off the ship.

    The Captain whispered, “Mister Christian, make sure to take as much rope as we can hold… you can never have enough rope.”

    The second officer replied, “Aye, aye Captain.”

    As the Captain stood watching over their escape, one of his sailors approached, “Captain, sir?”

    The Captain said, “Yes, mister… Tweedy?”

    Tweedy tried to stand taller, “Sir, the ship’s crew… a couple of them are awake. We dealt with the night crew, but if we go after the crew in the hold.”

    The Captain put up his hand, “Absolutely not, we’re leaving under cover of night for a reason, so unless they make themselves into a problem, we leave them be.”

    They would fly no flag, sail for no country or kingdom, they will sail for the thrill of the open sea. Their vessel has no name, but a name isn’t as important as the freedom the ship brings, the freedom of a pirate. They lowered the ship and set sail with the wind.
    The Captain smiled, “With a strong wind we sail free.”

    __

    An alarm bell rang out as the sailors woke and ran to the deck. The first officer quickly tallied up the damage, “Captain, the launch is gone along with the minigun, several pistols, and some supplies. We found the deck crew all drunk and passed out.”

    No one in the crew saw the helm ropes were cut, as was the rigging for the mainsail.

    The Captain growled, “Who’s missing?”

    The first officer said, “Captain, no one is missing.”

    A call went out from the crow’s nest, “Small vessel to port, sailing away with the wind.”

    The first officer looked through his monocular, lowered it down, then picked it back up and looked again.

    The Captain asked, “Well, Mister Chadwick, what do you see?”

    “Well, Captain sir, it’s the rats. They’ve stolen the launch and are sailing away… Sir.”

    1. I liked this one. The ending was hilarious. I could really imagine the disappointment and disbelief on everyone’s faces, as their sail was stolen. I loved how the entire crew was drunk under deck and nobody noticed how the ship was boarded. It had a very satirical ring to it. I almost feel sorry for the pirates that they won’t be able to set sail after all.

      1. Sorry, I didn’t make it clear, it was the rats aboard the ship who stole the boat and sailed off. If I had more of a word count, I would have added something like, “after years of watching the sailors, they learned how to crew a ship, and now it was their turn.”

        1. Right. I thought the pirates were calling the thieves ‘rats’.

    2. Connor A. Avatar
      Connor A.

      I was not expecting the rats to be the ones sailing off. I applaud your use of the written format to pull this twist off. There were times in the writing where I stumbled a bit because of how it was written, but it’s still a great story for this prompt.

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is a fun one, Mike. I love how the Captain and crew make all of these preparations, and the Captain even makes this huge speech about sailing for themselves, only for their things to absconded by rats. Great twist. There are some grammatical issues and tense changes that took me out of it, but overall, it’s a fun story.

      1. Sorry, I didn’t make it clear, the pirate captain and his crew were the rats aboard the ship who stole the boat and sailed off. If I had more of a word count, I would have added something like, “after years of watching the sailors, they learned how to crew a ship, and now it was their turn.”

        1. Lunabear Avatar
          Lunabear

          Aww, Mike. I’m terribly sorry that I misread that. It’s still a fun story. Truly.

          1. I could have done a better job. I was in a rush for some unknown reason.

            1. Lunabear Avatar
              Lunabear

              You’re absolutely fine. The word count is a difficult perimeter to work within, but you did fabulous. High sea hijinx can be pretty hilarious.

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