Tale Foundry

Writing Group: Mistaken for a Dragon (PRIVATE)

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by

thetalefoundry
in , ,

Hello, Believers and Skeptics!

Look, I don’t know what you actually saw, but it definitely wasn’t some big, scaly, roaring mythical creature. What do you mean, how do I know? I mean, it’s absurd, isn’t it? Oh fine. Fine! Then you’ll just have to show me yourself, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Mistaken for a Dragon

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

Now this is a truly fantastical prompt. Dragons are pretty distinctive in lots of different ways, so to mistake something for a dragon is no easy feat. It is definitely the kind that plays on the imagination in more ways than one. 

For example, perhaps a hunter is out in the woods, stalking their usual game as quietly as they can, only for a loud and echoing roar to scare the game off. The hunter is just as startled, but decides to follow the sound cautiously. They ponder what this new beast could be. Manticore? Dragon? Only to come across what appears to be a bear stuck in a barrel. Or maybe a palace guard is doing his rounds late into the night. He’s tired, he’s a bit sore, and didn’t sleep entirely well. He stands on the top of the palace wall, staring into the distance at the incoming storm. But then… what was that? Did he really see a dragon diving in and out of the clouds? He rushes to tell his comrades, but they write him off as tired and tell him he just saw oddly shaped clouds, and no matter how he tries they just will not believe him.

Maybe it’s a child who is simply enamored with the idea of dragons, and ends up incredibly excited at the idea of a tiny dragon in a glass tank at the pet store. Regardless of how many times mother tells them it is just a lizard, they know better. It is definitely a dragon and they want it as their new pet. Perhaps we even explore further down the line, where the child is playing pretend as a knight, and must rescue their little sister, the Princess, from this fast, fearsome, possibly fire breathing creature no bigger than a coffee mug. Or maybe it’s an outcast scientist trying every way to prove dragons were real once, but a lot of the specimens they gather end up being from already proven creatures like alligators, sharks, and lizards of all kinds.

So let your imagination wander to kingdoms far far away! Let it stretch and twist and play on the world around you! Show us all the ways our minds can trick us into seeing such fantastic creatures!

But just in case it really is a dragon, please do proceed with caution.

—Shawna

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Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least four stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and two of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Use two paragraph breaks between each paragraph so that they have a proper space between them (press “enter” or “return” twice).
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  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new; no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).

  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
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    5. Be constructive and uplifting. These submissions are not for a professional market, and shouldn’t be treated as such. We do this, first and foremost, for the joy of the craft. Help other writers to feel like their work is valuable, and be considerate and gentle with critique when you offer it. Authors who leave particularly abrasive or disheartening remarks on this post will be disqualified from selection for readings.
    6. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
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Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.

Comments

43 responses to “Writing Group: Mistaken for a Dragon (PRIVATE)”

  1. Matthew(Handsome Johanson) Avatar
    Matthew(Handsome Johanson)

    The first of the gang to die
    by Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    It was night. Our car stopped on the side of the road, it’s headlights already off, and we got out. Before us was an unassuming house. Not even a drop of color in the paint to distinguish it. I looked at my partner.

    “Is this the place, Jack?”

    “Yeah. This is the dragon, pal. The big one! My source has got it on his life that this house should be filled to the brim with antiques, jewelry, and even bullion! And get this” My partner stifled a laugh. “The place aint even occupied most of the year. It’s just storage.”

    I smile. “Well then. What are we waiting for?” I grab my lockpicking kit and immediately head to the gate.

    Not too long after, We’re in and we open the door into the house. Instead of being the veritable horde promised, we were left with a relatively empty and destitute normal residency.

    “Fuck, I musta got the address wrong.” Jack punches a family photo. “Alright, let’s just take what we can and hock this at a pawn shop.”

    We both grab as much as we can from the poor house, but just as we attempt our mistake, we hear the loading of a gun. We turn around to see an old man, probably in his 70s. He looked directly at me, pointing the gun at my face.

    “You boys better put back what y- “His lecture was interrupted as Jack immediately threw a heavy stapler at the man. He dodged, turned and fired a single shot. Jack fell dead instantly, as I made a run for the car.

    Desperately, I throw the shit we grabbed to the floor and haul ass. Thankfully, the man didn’t

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Interesting story, Matty. A home invasion gone wrong for the robbers. The house being called the dragon because of the massive amount of treasure touted to be inside is really great.

      Love the reveal at the end of the old man not letting anyone take his things. Hopefully, the crook that gets away will turn his life around for the better.

      Critiques:

      Our car stopped on the side of the road, it’s (its) headlights already off

      Jack punche(d) a family photo.

      Desperately, I throw (threw) the shit we grabbed to the floor

      Thankfully, the man didn’t (missing a word)

      I always enjoy your stories. I can’t wait to see more. Thank you for writing and sharing it.

      Reply
    2. GJFuller Avatar
      GJFuller

      This is a really good use of the prompt! The use of the dragon’s horde trope as an insert for a real world collection of treasure. It kind of threw me for a loop when all they found was menial items. I was thinking “oh, ok. this is just going to be about a sad haul”. Because it seemed that this magnificent treasure was absent, I wasn’t expecting them to encounter the “dragon” of this “horde”. It all happened so fast that I had hardly any time to let it register (much like the protagonist). Excellent work!

      Reply
  2. GJFuller Avatar
    GJFuller

    Storm Dragon
    By Giovanna J Fuller

    Little Julia sighed.

    This small town was boring enough, but it could and was always worse. It was the hottest day of summer and the local pond was infested with flesh eating bacteria. The sidewalk was so hot, the young girl seriously considered whether it was possible to bake cookies on it. Her hair stuck to the back of her neck as she laid back in the cool shade provided by the porch. Her eyes fluttered close as the heat took over and sent her into a light sleep.

    After a few hours a loud ‘boom” startled her from sleep.

    She sat up and looked up at the sky. A gray figure blocked out the sun. It swirled and writhed as a single bolt of light exploded from its darkness. The silhouette was something Julia had seen only in her picture books.

    “Dragon!” she screamed in terror and ran inside.

    She found her mother sitting on a plastic covered sofa, feet in a bucket of melted ice water, fanning herself listlessly with her church fan.

    “Mama! Mama!”

    “What is it, Jul?” The words seemed to be an effort to form as they came out slow and sloppy.

    “There’s a dragon! There’s a dragon outside!”

    “A dragon-Jul, I’m not in the mood for games.” She groaned.

    “Mama!” Julia pulled on her mother’s arm until the woman relented and allowed herself to be pulled outside.

    Once the two came out from under the porch overhang, they looked up.

    Her mother sighed and muttered, “Thank God.” In a normal tone she continued, “Looks like rain clouds, Jul.”

    “B-bu-.”

    The adult retreated back into the house, completely ignoring her crestfallen child. “Lord knows we need it.”

    Julia searched furiously for the dragon, but all she saw were blackened clouds gathering. Embarrassed, Julia prepared to take shelter when something shiny caught her eye. Curious, she walked over to inspect.

    There she found a large, charcoal gray reptilian scale.

    Reply
    1. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      I loved the way you managed to convey how hot it was in this story. I actually felt the heat, which is amazing given that my room is on the freezing side right now. The ambiguity of the dragon’s appearance was well done. The fact that until the last minute, one would be convinced it was a mere thundercloud was excellently set up. Great story, GJ.

      Reply
    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This was a really atmospheric story, despite the very much mundane setting that it seems to take place in. Especially that single, fleeting vision of the dragon, twisting and swirling and gone as quickly as they came.

      It makes me wonder if what was happening there was actually a fight between *two* dragons – a dragon of Storms and a dragon of Sun, with the former fighting off the latter to replace the heatwave with new rain. It would also explain why Julia found a scale on the floor – one could have easily come off during such a fight.

      An awesome tale GJ! Well done! ^w^

      Reply
  3. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    What’s a dragon?
    By Jesse Fisher

    Well this was not something he was expecting to see this day. He knew that a group of gods had scheduled to have a room so they could hold a conference for some reason. It did not matter to the heterochromic eyed bar keep. This was a common thing, a group comes in wanting to do something. He agreed and they used the room.

    This was something that he paid little mind to but on this moment of watching his young draconic hybrid, the beings kept guessing what they were.

    Some say a crocodylidae parent, some said winged turtle, and even one thought they were a featherless gryphon. Which confused the father, the scales on his child hide should be a give a way. Maybe the wings give the impression of this, then again being half him could leave some ambiguity.

    While thinking this the bar keep turned to a surprised kiss with his draconic mate. The metallic sand yellow scales and emerald eyes grated him.

    “So Korun, why was there a group of reptiles that kept guessing my species wrong?”

    “I have no clue Oleander, they could not guess Cyan’s other half so I’m at a loss.” The bar keep thought for a moment. “I need to check why the wanted to have that room again.”

    Poofing a list from out of nowhere, he reread the paper he kinda chuckled.

    The dragoness cradled her child in her arm and had a perturbed look to her mate.

    “What is it this time?”

    The look on the keep’s face was one of bemusement.

    “Here there be dragons: a conference on what dragons look like.”

    There was a moment of a silent what, form the dragon in question. At that point her hatchling pulled on her toga, snapping her back to reality.

    “You’re telling me that none of them know what a dragon is?”

    Reply
    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Jesse, this piece was a fun read. The idea of a bunch of gods renting out a conference room in order to figure out/decide what dragons look like is funny on its own, but that coupled with the staff also being dragons is a whole other kicker. However, there are many grammar and spelling moments in this piece that made it difficult for me to fully understand what exactly was going on at times. Still, despite that, I did enjoy reading this story, Jesse. Nice job!

      Reply
  4. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    Her Greater Self (Corespace Universe)
    By Calliope Rannis

    Clay had been exposed to a lot of dragon stories and media. After all, who hadn’t? Dragons have been part of human culture since long before they had ascended to the stars.

    That said, with all the books he had read, all the movies he had seen, the games he had played…little compared to the dragon that stood before him now, standing on a scale normally inhabited by great buildings, spaceships, and the mountains themselves.

    But the most thrilling, the most terrifying thing of all? It was that he loved her. And he knew that she loved him too, in her own way.

    “…Freya? You can still hear me from all the way up there, right?”

    The dragon released an amused exhale, the strength of the breath blowing back the grass around Clay. “Of course I can hear you, darling. Just as always.” Her head shifts slightly. “You don’t seem excessively scared. That is good.”

    “Why would I-” he blinks, and looks again at her gargantuan form. “Well okay, I understand your concern. But it’s still you, right? Just way bigger than I’m used to!” He smiled, as much for his own reassurance as hers.

    Her eyes softened. “Oh, but you have seen my size before. Every day, in fact.” Everything flickered for a moment, and Clay was floating in the core of his world, before a massive shining sphere surrounded by millions of great cables.

    Another flicker, and he was in the hollowed-out mantle of the planet, with a city of servers and power stations filling his view.

    Another, and he was in space, looking down upon the entirety of Vang, the planet and megacity that Clay called home.

    A final flicker, and he was back in the field before her.

    “Do you see, darling? To love me, to really, truly love me, is to love something giant, something terrifying, something inhuman – even if my humanoid forms help people to forget that truth. But you deserve to remember, to understand. To see.”

    Her lake-sized eyes looked deeply into his own. “Is this – ALL of this – truly what you want?”

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I remember Clay and Freya! I’m so happy you’ve written about them again! These two have a bond unlike any other, and I am here for it! It’s so sweet and intimate without being gross or sexual.

      I don’t know if you’ve written anything else about them during my hiatus, but I love to see it. In my humble and honest opinion, I believe you should write more romantic stories like this. You’re so great at capturing that type of emotion, and they always leave me so warm and fuzzy on the inside when I’m done reading them. Especially if it’s about these two and the man and the hologram in the core of the building. I’m so sorry I can’t remember their names.

      I love that they can have quiet conversations like this. Clay’s inquisitive honesty matches beautifully with Freya’s patient wisdom. Despite being different species and the short length of the story, I can FEEL that they’re soulmates. It’s damn near indescribable, and honestly, it’s one thing I hope to find for myself one day. Brava!

      Critiques:

      Her head shift(ed) slightly. “You don’t seem excessively scared. That is good.”

      “Why would I-” he blink(ed), and look(ed) again at her gargantuan form.

      Please take these critiques with a grain of salt. I’m very glad and thankful that you were able to get a story out this week. Very proud of you, sweetie. Thank you so much for writing and sharing it, Milady.

      Reply
    2. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      Oh I remember this world, and my god the whole thing is so wholesome I would die from the sweetness. Not only is Clay a damn good protagonist but he be a dragon lover. And I’m down for that.

      Still think this would be a best selling book.

      Reply
    3. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Calliope, it’s always a treat to read a piece by you. And about Clay and Freya, no less! I’ve always liked the dynamic between these two, and you really emphasized it in this piece. I also liked how you ended it on a question: it makes both the question and the answer we never see more powerful. All of the dialogue in this story was brilliant as well. Overall, Calliope, a lovely read. Nice job!

      Reply
    4. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Dragon as megaorganism was not what I was expecting! This is so creative. Freya appearing as a dragon, but being something much larger really subverts the trope of dragons shapeshifting into human sized beings. I also like that this doesn’t seem to change Clay’s mind about Freya. It seems Freya has this Gaia element to her. Is that just me or was that intentional?

      Reply
    5. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Awww this is a very cute, shippy piece!! It’s nice to hear more from Freya and Clay.

      “But the most thrilling, the most terrifying thing of all? It was that he loved her. And he knew that she loved him too, in her own way.”
      –Very squeee moment in reading XD

      I love how she’s like “You don’t seem excessively scared” (hilarious phrasing) and it almost didn’t even cross his mind to be scared. Very pure.

      “Do you see, darling? To love me, to really, truly love me, is to love something giant, something terrifying, something inhuman – even if my humanoid forms help people to forget that truth. But you deserve to remember, to understand. To see.”
      Her lake-sized eyes looked deeply into his own. “Is this – ALL of this – truly what you want?”
      –Absolutely love this part. And the action that went with it before is interesting too. It’s beautifully poetic I like how she’s showing him something terrifying but her kind tone honestly makes her as non-terrifying to the audience, as I’m sure she is to him.

      I feel like this “mistaken for a dragon” is perhaps the opposite of how you’d think the prompt would be taken. She’s mistaken for a dragon when she’s actually something much bigger and more powerful. It’s a neat twist!

      Happy to read something from you this week!!

      Reply
  5. Rattus Avatar
    Rattus

    Beneath the Earth
    by Gerrit (Rattus)

    Dr. Bertram cursed his greed, his ignorance, his insatiable hunger for fame. So many warnings that had flown past his ears unheeded. So many opportunities to turn back, to put his damned ego aside for once in his life. But now he was stuck here, trapped within the lithic confines of the chamber that had caved in behind him.

    How long had he been down here? It could have been minutes just as easily as hours. When the rocks first came crashing down, he had been convinced that he could just dig his way back out.

    But each stone he removed was replaced with two more, some so big he could never hope to remove them on his own. The skin on his fingertips was split and bleeding from trying to claw his way to safety without success.

    Nobody would help him here. Deep down, he knew that. They’d probably think he deserved it. He had bypassed all the barricades, the lines of yellow tape and wooden signs that warned of instability up ahead.

    They’d probably be glad he was gone. He saw the way they looked at him, the way the conversations died when he drew too near, replaced with muttering and whispering.

    Served him right for going this far in. Small rocks had started falling from the ceiling while they were digging for fossils further back, and everything this far in was deemed too dangerous. But he knew this chamber would be hiding the greatest secrets. He had glimpsed them for a brief moment, before it was blocked off.

    He sat on the ground, the massive skull sitting next to him. Some kind of as-of-yet undiscovered tyrannosaur, if he had to take a guess. He had managed to dig it out of the wall, the last strike of his chisel becoming the final nail in his coffin. The repeated strikes with his hammer had unsettled the earth and stone, and now he would die here.

    His entire adult life, spent hunting the remains of the dead buried deep underground. And now, it seemed, he would join them.

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Rattus, this gave me chills the entire time I was reading. I am majorly claustrophobic, so I do not want to imagine what it’s like being stuck in an underground cave, most especially not as my tomb. I also love that you set up him being reflective about his life and coming to terms with how greedy he had been in order to get this far. One often feels as such before their demise.

      One of the things that I really appreciate about this story is how Dr. Bertram was aware how his actions reflected back upon him, but didn’t care in the moment because it’s what he wanted. A literal “be careful what you wish for” situation. It’s also quite interesting because he could have lied to himself. False optimism. He could have easily told himself that he was going to get out, and there was no need to worry.

      For me, the highlight of this story is the setting and how Dr Bertram has to come to terms with everything. All of his genius and wanting fame and his resourceful mind can’t help him out of the situation. That’s tragic irony: having the tools necessary to escape but no way to use them. Although it is bleak, I do sincerely hope he’s able to get out.

      The idea of using fossils is really great. Because dinosaurs were said to be the cousins of dragons, and I’m sure lots of dinosaur fossils have been mistaken for dragons back in the day.

      I don’t know if you’ve written anything for the group yet, so if you haven’t, welcome and great debut. I am incredibly excited to see what you come up with next because this is amazing. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing it.

      Reply
    2. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      I see the dragon parallels with that opening of greed and the like. I also the situation of the repercussions of this dragon attitude, where pride and ego made his tomb for himself.

      Really great story and I like the scene you painted. Along with the ironic ending as a dragon dies with it’s horde.

      Reply
    3. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      I like this. There’s something very chthonic about his despair, not just on the superficial level, but down in the hellish anguish he’s feeling.

      Critique: I’m mot sure a tyrannosaur’s skull could fit on a person’s lap, though I’m sure most people could fit into the tyrannosaur’s skull.

      Reply
    4. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      I like how you incorporated the theory that the Chinese saw dinosaur bones and thought of dragons. I could have done with a little bit more of the claustrophobia of the situation. The way the piece ends would have helped the focus character’s despair come across more as he resigns his fate. Other than that, it’s a nice solid piece.

      Reply
    5. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Oooh, wasn’t expecting a horror story for this prompt!!

      Like Rvmple’s, this story has a melancholic vibe to it, but in a different way to his. Homeboy’s basically just…waiting for death, and there’s a very tangible despair there. I can almost fill it closing in on me as I read. But he’s also very calm about it, knowing he can’t change his fate, which is interesting in the narration.

      The first paragraph is probably my favorite. It’s almost funny in how self-aware he is. Though I suppose preparing to meet your demise slowly will do that to you. I love the list at the beginning, it’s a great opener.

      I like how the dinosaur fossil doesn’t get revealed until the end. It was so important to him, and it’s completely undiscovered, which would have been a massive deal hours ago, now it’s just decoration in his tomb. Having something really valuable in there with him that he was searching after gives the story a more interesting vibe than just a dude trapped in a cave.
      It feels like in a way the “mistaken for a dragon” aspect of the prompt isn’t the fossils being mistaken for a dragon, but Dr. Betram mistaking the fossils as worth going into the dangerous part of the cave.

      The last line really smacks you. I feel like the first paragraph and the last line mirror each other, both referring to his flaws. It’s cool.

      Very thoughtful piece. Great job!!

      Reply
  6. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    [Removed]

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      First off, I love the title, Antihero! It really sucks to reader in and is mad funny. Also, I feel like Delan’uthar himself is writing this story, based on his personality.

      This story gave me chills, and I love it! A very wonderful story to stretch someone’s villains vocals on, too. There are some really light-hearted moments in here, but it is overall tragic and very dark.

      Savion is an excellent villain. Not an antagonist; a villain. He’s sly and cunning and unashamed in his darkness, but he’s also up front and honest. I love that he sees more than he lets on, and he doesn’t appear to fall into stereotypes for the villain type. I can honestly tell you had a ball writing this story. Savion is simply an awesome villain. His design for the wolf is very great. It’s menacing and predatory while also being efficient because of wolves are very fast and can be brutal hunters.

      And I love that the magic is incredibly natural here. You don’t have to go out of your way to explain it; just simply show it. And it is phenomenal. I love that every attack that Delan throws at Savion is turned right back on him. I absolutely feel so sad and heartbroken for Delan’uthar. He’s more than likely going to die here, and all he wanted was a little bit of recognition. He may have taken it too far, but there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be accepted and understood.

      The story takes on its own life and breathes. Combine that with the fact that you wrote two very well developed characters in a short word count is incredibly impressive and speaks volumes of your skill. I also love that both just about an equal amount of exploration. Not to mention that they’re wonderful foils. Savion is much more self-realized than Delan’uthar is, while Delan’uthar has a confidence that can borderline on arrogant.

      You always, always give me so much to think about, and I love and appreciate it. I am excitedly awaiting the next installment. I would honestly love to see more of both of them in the future if it’s possible, but especially more of Savion. Brava! Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this.

      Reply
    2. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      There’s a quiet reminder of the first season of Castlevania in this piece. The horrors and violence, the revelation that things are quite exactly what was promised and we were unprepared.

      As much as I enjoy the new character—who strikes me as a weary, sometimes grumpy, old monster—I’m a bit lost in the ending. There are hints that Delan is getting what everyone before him got, but we don’t know what that is. I’m curious to see if Delan returns too.

      I particularly enjoyed this piece. Well done!

      Reply
    3. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This story is structured very well – it quickly builds tension for what seems like will be an epic encounter, slowly revealing detail after detail before Savion finally attacks – and yet simultainously, that build up also makes it increasingly clear that Delan actually doesn’t have a hope in hell of beating him, and said attack ends the fight in an instant. Overall, a great subversion of how you might expect such a scene to go down, though foreshadowed decently by the narration, which seems to almost certainly be Savion himself.

      The description of his form in particular was fascinating – a horrific form yes, but also perhaps a dissapointing one to the likes of Delan. Too normal, too small, not the kind of monster he expected to fight. And yet of course, that wolf was far too powerful for him to defeat. Quite a nasty paradox!

      I suppose a slight confusion with the story is with the narration – most of it seems to be third person limited (though switching between Delan and Savion both), but there are lines like “I’ll give him credit; few even made it to the castle” which implies that there is a first person narrator telling this story – but since Savion is referred to in the third person a lot, it makes me unsure if he’s meant to be the narrator or not?

      Finally, I did really like the nobility/honour that Savion seemed to display here. He gave Delan so many chances to turn back and save his own life, and only directly attacked back when Delan once again tried to strike after ignoring every warning before. Maybe not self-defence so much, considering how powerful Savion seems to be he might not need to prevent that attack at all, but still.

      A really interesting introduction to this character Anti, very well done indeed! ^w^

      Reply
  7. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
    RVMPLSTLTSKN

    Alien
    By RVMPLSTLTSKN (The Saga of The Deep One’s Wake)

    Padas stood on the shore and watched gnarled backs slice through the waves. He knew it wasn’t The Deep One, whose whispered promises echoed still in his memories, by the size of the black ridges that cut the riptide.

    Beside him, his granddaughter—or great-niece, he wasn’t sure anymore and called each of the rising priestesses ‘daughter’—stood, holding Karas’ Sword. Its fiery light danced in the waves.

    “Is it Him?” she asked.

    “No.”

    “How do you know, Father?”

    “They’re too small.”

    They stood and watched. Horrid black and white faces ogled them from the waves.

    “What are they?”

    He had hoped she wouldn’t ask. His answer used to be easy to say. There were so many things he didn’t know back when Klajonas or Mazylas asked him questions. It was harder with their children, and their children’s children.

    “I don’t know,” he mumbled.

    “Is it His progeny?”

    Who taught them these words? he wondered. Mazylas or Vienas? It wasn’t enough to distract him from the memories of what The Deep One did to its victims.

    “No, He has none.”

    Another orcaic body rose, the waves beneath it tinting rouge. It wasn’t from the sunset.

    “Father, you know what I have been through.”

    He tried to remember. His old mind let things slip these days. No, since Vienas died. How long had it been since she left him behind? He glanced at the flaming sword.

    “But this frightens me.”

    He nodded, hoping he wouldn’t be called on to reach for the blade. His old knuckles were stiff and ached. The blade was heavy and his body worn.

    “More than the hunter in the woods?” he asked.

    “More than niekas. The hunter is a just beast, but this,” she lifted her chin to the waves. “This is alien.”

    “It is the sea.” He started humming the old poem of seasons. “Nothing but the sea. The Deep One is not in this. Fear not, daughter, I am not going to war today.”

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Man, have I missed your stories, Drake! This one has a heavy, melancholic atmosphere. Please allow me to say that I appreciate you writing about your characters aging. It is very tempting to keep a lot of characters younger over the years just for the sake of more adventures or youth or some other reason. But I’m very happy that you allot your characters to age and die.

      Even though nothing much is happening aside from conversation and watching the sea, there is a lot of subtlety. The little child has a somberness about her, and she is also wise beyond her years. I have kind of a soft spot for children that are written like this. She radiates sage energy.

      This piece leaves me feeling incredibly forlorn. Yes, Padas still waits for The Deep One, but I really feel his death is coming soon. He still has the determination and spirit of a warrior, but old age combined with his loss of Vienas, I believe, has left him tired beyond what he either recognizes or is willing to admit. I think he’ll be ready to go soon.

      This type of vulnerability and you allowing the more difficult, or what we perceive as more negative, emotions to linger is a huge part of why I’ve missed your writing so much. Thank you, Drake.

      Critique:

      It’s (Its) fiery light danced in the waves.

      That is my only critique, and it is nothing when compared to the scope of your story. I am preparing myself for The Deep One’s return and to witness a battle unlike any other. Beyond stoked that you could get a story out this week. Thank you, thank you so very much for writing and sharing it.

      Reply
    2. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      This is very interesting. As Luna says, a very somber and melancholic atmosphere.

      I didn’t remember Vienas dying before Padas, I thought there was another story where she was all alone…waiting to die? It doesn’t seem like he’s Father yet here, more like an old man. Though he is referred to as Father, so…

      Also as Luna mentioned, there’s a lot of subtlety beyond the words and, in some part I really like it but, in other respects, even knowing the story, I’m a bit lost at times.

      I wonder what this child has been through. The world seems so empty in most of your stories, it’s hard to think of any major disasters happening, but I’m sure they do happen again.

      The idea of progeny seems to be a theme as it’s mentioned quite a bit in the narration, so it’s interesting that Padas’ progeny is juxtaposed to TDO having none.

      I like the idea of it getting more difficult to explain things the more he knows.

      “It is the sea.” He started humming the old poem of seasons. “Nothing but the sea. The Deep One is not in this. Fear not, daughter, I am not going to war today.”
      –Absolutely love this bit. I’m not sure if it was literally only the sea, but I like that idea. It’s not some creature less powerful than TDO, or else benign (which is what I thought), it’s just…the sea. That’s all.
      Though the thought that the sea is that foreign to this kid, when it was their whole livelihood once, is scary on its own. It feels like the poem he hums is one he used to hum all the time, now lost…

      Great work!!

      Reply
  8. MasaCur Avatar
    MasaCur

    Hunting Dragonkin
    By MasaCur

    Ramona pulled into the parking lot of the dive bar. She put the car into park, and then turned to her passenger. “So, here we are. Where’s the target?”

    Erykah glanced up from her phone. “Hold on.” She tapped at the screen a couple times. “The target left about five minutes ago.”

    Ramona took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. “I can’t believe you want me to hunt a dragon with you.”

    No, no! A dragonkin. Not exactly the same thing.”

    Ramona raised an eyebrow. “What exactly is the difference?”

    Erykah opened the car door and stepped out. “Dragonkin are like if a dragon had a baby with one of the mortal species. Like a human, or a fae. They’re considerably less powerful than a full dragon.”

    “So, we shouldn’t be worried?” Ramona asked. She let out a sigh of relief.

    Erykah shook her head. “Oh, no. Dragonkin can still be exceptionally dangerous. Hopefully we can control this before it comes to violence.”

    Ramona checked her handgun in its holster, then pulled her poncho over it.

    Erykah brought up a picture on her phone and showed it to Ramona. “This is what he looks like while glamored. But he’s drunk, so his glamor keeps slipping. If you see him, call me. Try not to directly confront him. I’ll head this way,” Erykah jerked her thumb behind her, and then jogged off.

    Ramona watched Erykah leave, then followed after. It only took her a block to find the target, leaning on a street lamp and vomiting in the gutter.

    Ramona pulled out her phone and dialed Erykah, then slowly raised it to her ear. The target spotted her and started to run.

    “Hold it right there, Dragon!” she yelled. She pulled out her pistol and aimed.

    He stumbled to a halt and turned around, staggering the entire time. Ramona could see his reptilian eyes.

    “Rude!” he said, his words slurred. As he drunkenly swayed, his lizardlike features became more pronounced. “Not all reptile species look alike, you know. I happen to be Iguana folk.”

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Like I told you before, Mas, this is a very fun story. I always love seeing the girls out and doing their thing. I hope you write more about Ramona. I would love to get to know more about her.

      Everything flows naturally here, and it’s very easy to follow. I also laughed really hard at the guy being shot and then him just responding with, “Rude!” To just be able to shrug off a bullet and become mildly annoyed at being shot is like one of the best things ever.

      This is a wonderful story for the prompt, and it is excellent. I always enjoy myself while reading your work, and I look forward to your writing all the time. I hope to see more from the Ridgecloud gang in general in the future, especially more from Ramona and Francis. Super excited for the next installment! Thank you for writing and sharing this.

      Reply
  9. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    The Order and the Chaos (Students of the DiamondBridge Academy universe)
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    “Y’know, when I first met you,” Mavthos sauntered down the west wing hallway, “I didn’t really place you as the rule-enforcement type.”

    “Mm-hm.” Cypress didn’t look up from their phone. They navigated through a chain of menus, tapping rapidly with their scaled hands. How did that even work? Mavthos felt he should know this by now. He’d been hanging out with this lizardfolk after school for nearly a week now, but had barely learned anything. He just hung around as they made sure no one was messing around.

    Mavthos gently elbowed Cypress in the side. “So, uh… you gonna comment on that?”

    Cypress didn’t flinch. “What would I say?”

    Mavthos’ pace stuttered. “Uh, well, get all defensive? Argue with me?”

    “And what would that accomplish?”

    “You… really aren’t one for banter, huh?”

    “Nope.”

    “Just brooding, grumpy, sad—”

    Cypress stopped and shot an arm out, covering Mavthos’ mouth. “Stay here and shut up,” they whispered.

    Mavthos nodded, otherwise frozen.

    In an instant, Cypress changed from a coffee-deprived high schooler into Infiltration/Sabotage 101’s top student. They slunk around the corner without making a single sound. Mavthos leaned his head around the corner, just to catch a glimpse of whatever majesty of stealth was about to go down.

    About halfway down the next hall, a group of kids huddled around one of the school-provided vending machines. One of them was trying to pry off the glass cover while the other kids cheered her on.

    Cypress got within reach of the group without any of them noticing. Then, in a quick movement, they tapped one on the shoulder and asked, “Whatcha up to?” with plenty of teeth.

    There was a scream and lots of shuffling and the kids scattered.

    The second they were all gone, Mavthos charged down the hall. “That was incredible! You were all scary, and sneaky, and—”

    “It was nothing,” Cypress checked over the machine for damages. “Just keeping the school in order.”

    “Imagine all the stuff you could do with that! You could be an assassin, a body guard—”

    Cypress sighed. “Why do I ever put up with you?”

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Carrie, this is such a great story! Light-hearted and funny. Not to mention it oozed high school atmosphere long before that part was revealed. I also love when personalities contradict each other. This duo has a very nice, albeit stunted, back and forth.

      Mavthos seems like the kind of person that is used to more easy-going situations where he’s the initiator. And here comes Cypress, just shutting all of that down. I also appreciate Mathvos calling Cypress a lizardfolk. I feel that allows the reader to try to guess what Cypress is. Another thing is that Cypress isn’t above having fun; they just have it in their own, unique way.

      I have to wonder if this is a magically gifted school where supernatural things just happen, or is Cypress some kind of infiltration plant?

      Overall, I really like this story. I laughed out loud several times while reading it, and I wouldn’t mind seeing this pair in the future. Highly engaging. Thank you so much for writing and sharing it.

      Reply
  10. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “The Conspiracy Revealed”
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane (CW: minor gaslighting, poison gas, death)

    Bright artificial light stung Blazhel’s eyes as he came to consciousness. His body still ached from the beating he’d received in the library. This cold metal table they strapped him to didn’t help things. The weirdest thing to Blazhel was the muzzle they had put over his mouth. While it didn’t impede speech, it made it difficult to open his mouth all the way.

    “Hello?!”

    The confused cry echoed around the room. No response. Not from the speaker. Not from the door. Not from the small window near the ceiling. Nothing.

    Blazhel tried again. “Hello?! Is there anybody out there?”

    There was a pause. With a sudden peal of static, the speaker came to life. It buzzed for what seemed like eternity before…

    “Ah! I see our friend is awake. So, how did you sleep?”

    Blazhel couldn’t keep the hatred from his voice. “Screw you! You beat me until I was unconscious, you asshole!”

    “Such strong words from someone in your position. Then again, I bet with your longevity you escaped from something like this. Not that it will be easy.”

    Blazhel’s brows furrowed. “What the hell are you talking about?!”

    “Blazhel, was it? We’ve watched your unsanctioned studies into the esoterica of the world.”

    “Yeah? What about it?

    A coarse chuckle came over the speaker. “You took the biggest bait dragon hunters could think of! Of course, with the possibility you’re not a dragon, we must keep you here.”

    “Wait. What?” Blazhel struggled against his restraints. “What the hell? There are no such things as dragons!”

    “Oh yes. That old story. It’s cute the first couple of times, but it gets boring fast.”

    “But I’m not a dragon!”

    Another pause. Blazhel could hear the rustling of papers. The speaker shut off. A panel opened across from the young man, revealing a nozzle. There was a hiss of gas. Blazhel coughed as his vision went blurry. His thrashing became weaker and weaker. His lungs burned. He felt his heart go into overdrive before becoming arrhythmic. Blazhel clutched his chest before laying still on the table, eyes wide open.

    Reply
    1. TheAssassin Avatar
      TheAssassin

      I really like the setup for this one. Someone waking up in a mysterious room, tied to a table, all alone. There’s something classic and unnerving about that setup. How did they get here? Why did they get here? It feels very ominous. I did enjoy the story itself, feeling like the protagonist’s desperate attempts to convince their captors that they’re not a dragon were well done, and I like how the captor has seen it all before. It helps communicate how much they’ve done this before. I only am left wondering, is he a dragon? I got the impression he was not, but something more concrete for the reader would have been nice. Anyway, great story :).

      Reply
    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I love the heavy tension in the story, Wolf! I love that you leave the reader into being just as disorientated as Blazhel is. It feels a little bit like Gothic horror with a throwback to the classics, like Frankenstein.

      Everything is displayed and delivered succinctly. I also really love the mystery of this organization or these people who have kidnapped him. Dragon hunters, I’m assuming, or definitely enemies to dragons.

      So you say he’s restrained. But he can still touch his chest. I’m assuming it’s a chest restraint, then, instead of a wrist one.

      I really enjoyed the story. I feel very sad for Blazhel at the end. I hope he somehow survives although, I totally understand how it’s possible that he doesn’t. I would also love to know more about this organization. Their goal seems to be quite clear: eliminate all dragons. But why? Great stuff, man. Thank you so much for writing and sharing it.

      Reply
  11. TheAssassin Avatar
    TheAssassin

    Connection
    By TheAssassin

    In a small nursery, a mother cradled her child. Light streamed in from a window above, casting the room in the sun’s warmth. The child laughed in the golden light. He smiled bright and wide; his eyes shimmered with mirth.

    The birds sang their sweet songs as the wind ruffled outside in the trees. The mother traced her finger across her child’s skin, feeling him and giving him her love. The child giggled as she did so, sending his love to her. Even so young he knew his mother for who she was.

    And in that perfect silence, the mother knew her child would become something great, for there would be greatness in all he did. He was her son and her son needed only breathe to be great.

    She leaned in and kissed his forehead. Her heart swelled with overwhelming love. This was her son! Her son… her beautiful, wonderful, son.

    But the wind stopped blowing, and the birds stopped singing. Clouds veiled the sun, and the nursery grew cold. The child’s laughter faded. A rhythmic thud echoed from beyond the nursery. Heavy footfalls approached. The child’s eyes warbled, anxiety smothering him. The footfalls kept coming.

    Suddenly, they ceased. For a moment it seemed like they would not resume, but the latch to the nursery’s door rattled and it came creaking open.

    A towering silhouette emerged, looming over the room’s occupants. The silhouette – a man – held an axe. It dripped.

    The baby’s lip quivered. The man stepped forward, flickering candlelight revealed scratched and bloodied armor.

    The baby cried.

    But the mother smiled.

    She rose and offered the warrior his son.

    The father – a ravaged, scarred, and broken warrior – reached out his hand. The baby’s crying shattered his heart. But through those fearful tears, he saw his son. He saw his rosy cheeks and verdant eyes. His axe fell, and he wiped his son’s tears away.

    The gentle, loving warmth of the father’s touch comforted the child, easing his fears, and the child knew then who his father was.

    And they laughed.

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I really love your descriptions here, assassin. I felt the love between the mother and child. It even made my own heart swell up. I also thought of my own child and how happy he makes me.

      The contrast of the father is really great, and the build-up is atmospheric. His entrance definitely felt like a dragon was coming. The ending is quite sweet, too. Lovely piece. Thank you for writing and sharing it.

      Reply
    2. Rattus Avatar
      Rattus

      This was really good, the opening few paragraphs really warmed my heart. The love between the mother and child came across so well that it made me want to call my own mother. When I hit the halfway point I got scared that there was going to be some kind of horrible twist ending, and I think you executed it well. It got dark just long enough for the reader to get concerned, before pulling back for a nice, heartwarming ending.

      Reply
  12. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    Bitter Reunion
    by Lunabear (Please don’t read on stream) (CW: Threat of violence) (Cursed Brothers Universe)

    Remy’s tracks disappeared almost instantly in the dizzying flurry. He curled into himself all the more. The bone-biting wind had sapped nearly all of his energy.

    Only two things kept his fire going: retrieving his brother, and revenge.

    Remy’s long, arduous trek up the mountain had been mostly silent and reflective. He knew Cal to be resourceful enough to survive, but there was still that small, doubtful voice in the darkest corner of his mind.

    ‘That way of thinking leads to madness.’

    Remy grit his teeth and kept pushing.

    Time blended into time.

    The snow had no end.

    THWACK!

    The enormous wooden door had a large knocker. Remy rubbed his sore nose while making his presence known.

    He blew on his frigid hands and grumbled about the long wait.

    The door swung inward on squeaky hinges, and Remy was met with a pair of familiar, amethyst eyes.

    The woman’s pallid face paled further, revealing her own recognition.

    The embers in his gut roared into a flame.

    The cold forgotten, Remy’s face darkened as he rushed over the threshold. He aimed an accusatory finger at her.

    She moved out of his reach with a speed he couldn’t match.

    “YOU! I’ve seen you, slinking around in every town my brother and I have been in. YOU took him?”

    Her forked tongue snaked out and wet her lips. Her gaze flicked up the stairs.

    “Dragon filth!”

    His viperous words made her cower against the wall, but Remy didn’t care.

    “I’m a snake–”

    He stalked towards her and growled in her face, “I don’t give a fuck WHAT you are! Where’s Cal?!”

    She kept eye contact, though he could practically smell her fear. “Cal! Helatia!”

    Remy spoke deliberately, “I’ve never wanted to hurt a woman more in my life.”

    At her unshed tears, guilt superseded his rage.

    “Please. I’m so sorry. My sister bears a curse, and–”

    His heart kicked into his throat. “A curse?”

    She nodded erratically, sharp fangs worrying her lip.

    “Remy!”

    Elated, Remy looked up.

    “Get away from her!”

    His joy withered away as a VERY enraged Cal stomped towards him.

    Reply
    1. TheAssassin Avatar
      TheAssassin

      I really loved the description at the beginning of Remy climbing the mountain. You really managed to capture not only how long it feels to climb, but also how horrible it would be to contend with the elements. When Remy arrives at the building, I think his outburst is well written. We can really feel his anger. I also like the worldbuilding of the woman being a snake but being mistaken for a dragon. Little things like that make this story feel like it’s part of a bigger world. I also enjoyed the twist of Cal being fine and in no need of help (or it seemed that way due to his reaction). Overall, a very good story that I enjoyed reading!

      Reply
      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so very much for your review! I’m really very glad that the descriptions came through. And also, yes. This is part of a larger arc for these two brothers. Cal is without a doubt fine. He also may be harboring feelings for said snake lady. I’m honored that you enjoyed this piece.

        Reply
    2. Rattus Avatar
      Rattus

      The short paragraphs really lent themselves well to this story. I think they helped show how scattered Remy’s thoughts were, trying to focus only on his goal and not think too much about anything else. I’m not sure if that was your intent or not, but it definitely worked in your favour.

      The atmosphere was described well too, you did a good job of portraying how unforgiving the climate can be. I could feel the chill as I was reading it. I liked the ending too, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what happens to Remy.

      Reply
      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so very much for your review! That very much was my intention. Remy isn’t a person usually prone to give into despair, but his brother is literally the only family he has left. I don’t think he would be able to survive if anything happened to Cal. I’m really glad that you liked the atmosphere. If the next prompt allows, then I shall update the next installment of this particular story arc. Thank you again!

        Reply
    3. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      Tagback!

      Remy seems beyond unstable. Not just angry, but completely disconnected from reality, almost in a psychopathic way. He enjoys hurting people, enjoys this hunt for his brother and pain it allows him to cause, but fears Cal as much as he needs him. I think you showcase that very well.

      The narrator is a little sparse on the setting; is it contemporary fantasy (if so, why no isn’t a car or guns present) or is it high fantasy? I think the lack of setting details is my only critique. Good work!

      Reply

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