Writing Group: A Roll of the Dice

Hello everyone!

This is a call to anyone whose got a rabbit’s paw dangling from their rear-view mirror, a mutated clover pressed between the pages of a book, or a penny in their pocket they found staring at the sky. Keep all your lucky trinkets and baubles near, because…

This week’s prompt is:

 

A Roll of the Dice

 

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

 

Bring on the gambling stories. I wanna see all your gunslingers with a bone to pick and your irreverent rogues with bones in need of pickin’. If someone doesn’t got with a card up their sleeve or a weighted pair of dice somewhere in the mix… well that just wouldn’t be right, would it?

Actually, it would.

This is a lot broader than that, because instead of explicitly writing something about gambling, take this prompt more broadly to be about chance. Chance, but also stakes. Because for that roll of the dice to mean anything, first you gotta ante up. Whether than means looking embarrassment in the face to ask that cute person out, or putting your life into a stranger’s hands—that’s up to you! Just make us feel that moment of tension before the dice settle.

It’s all in that roll, that top card of the deck, that falling coin. Take us into that anxious limbo where the laws of physics and probability melt away into pure emotion at what could be.

 

 

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Friday at 7:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit, and get ready to help each other improve their confidence in their writing, as well as their skill with their craft!

 

Rules and Guidelines

We read six stories during each stream, three of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected from among the top ten most-liked of each post, so be sure to share your submissions on social media and with your friends!

  • English only.
  • Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
  • One submission per participant.
  • Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
  • Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
  • Submissions close at 4:00pm CST each Friday.
  • Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name).
  • Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
  • Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
  • Write something brand new (no re-submitting past entries or stories written for other purposes).
  • Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
  • Please format your submission as “Submission Title” by Author Name and be sure to separate paragraphs. (Example Submission)
  • No fan fiction without explicit permission from the source’s owner, and no spoilers for the source material if you are writing a fan fic.
  • Original art may be included in your submission, but is not guaranteed to be shown on stream. Only .jpeg format images shared via a direct link will be accepted. (Example Submission) (Information on “Direct Links”)
  • No additional formatting (such as italics or bold text) will be applied to the text of submissions. Symbols or instruction indicating such formatting may render your submission ineligible.
  • You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible, and your reviews must be at least 50 words long. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
  • Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.

 


Comments

97 responses to “Writing Group: A Roll of the Dice”

  1. Domtron Avatar
    Domtron

    Blackjack by Domtron
    “You know how to play kid?” The man remarks to me, cigar in his mouth unlit with a smirk that reeks of confidence as he shuffled the cards. “Do you call all players who go up against you kid?” I returned the expression showing no fear on the inside but on the inside I was scared. Joe Bell is the best dealer in the business, in all my 40 years of beating dealers Bell was the one I wouldn’t go up against but now at 63 I knew people wanted to see a match between us and by God I couldn’t disappoint my fans
    “If you say so” Bell dealt me my hand: 3 of clubs and a queen of hearts, not a good hand to start off but not so bad either. I looked at my chips, $10,000 out of $100,000 total is on the line here, sure not big money for a guy like me or Joe but when two players are the best at what they do well that money becomes pride. I freeze my hand and watch Joe deal his own hand. “Read them and weep Vinny a king and a queen” The crowd gasped in disbelief, Joe won the round and the $10,000. A few murmurs erupted in the audience: “Joe is scary! Vinny didn’t even try in this round! I knew Vinny Delo is becoming washed out!” I grabbed the rest of my chips and put them all on the board “all in no take backs” the room fell silent as Joe looked at me amused. “Well well all in already? Seems like dementia has already caught up to you. I’ll play by your rules Vin, all in for me no take backs. Tell me when to stop.” My eyes were glued to the cards, 2 of clubs, 3 of spades, 6 of clubs. My brain calculated all the possibilities of the next card I looked at Joe still having that smirk on his face “what’s the next card gonna be Vin? You got 11 on ya. You can freeze but then I could win and the world would know that Vinny Delo has lost his touch!” I chuckled a little as my index pointed to the table “hit me” my confidence was unmatched as Joe pulls out the next card. His smirk went away, his cigar fell onto the floor as I stood up grinning from ear to ear “I think Vinny Delo still has it”

  2. “Moifriendzotoa and Mister Probability”
    by the Tale Foundry Community,
    a bunch of dice,
    and [BUILDING MATERIAL]

    Aw SLUGS, don’t you hate when you’re rubbing your PAPAYA and just casually summon a trickster spirit?

    “I’m not a genie,” HOWLED the VERMILLION spirit when I started spouting off about 3.141592 wishes. “I’m a MOIFRIENDZOTOA.” The not-genie stuck her WEENIS out at me. “I can tell your probability though.”

    “My what?”

    “Like your fortune. But it’s how likely a given question is to come true. Look! I use this.” She pulled out a CHEESE YELLOW TALEOID. “Watch.” She yelled right at it: “Mister Probability, DOES TALEBOT LIKE CHEESE?”

    Then she shook the taleoid SMELLILY. When she stopped, it appeared to have turned into a BRITISH stuffed EMU WITH A GUN. The moifriendzotoa stared into its eye, and nodded. “See? ALL SIGNS POINT TO YEA.”

    “Wow, that’s pretty UNSPEAKABLE,” I said. “Let me try.” I knew instantly what I wanted to ask. “DO ANIME GIRLS DREAM OF 3D MEN?”

    “Ooh, careful,” said the spirit. “Whatever Mister Probability says is absolute truth. But let’s check.” She shook it again. The thing became 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999998 ASSES and words flashed on the sides:
    “NO YOU FUCKING MORON.”

    I was LIVID to read it. I must act on this newfound knowledge immediately!

    “Aww, EVERY NUMBER IS THE SUM OF THREE CUBES EXCEPT THOSE WITH REMAINDER 4 OR 5 ON DIVISION WITH 9,” said the moifriendzotoa. She patted my STRAND OF HAIR #456. “Let’s do one more. Something big. What’s something you’d LOVECRAFTILY like to know?”

    I tapped my COLON thoughtfully. Then I smiled. “I know my question,” I PONTIFICATED. I turned to what was now a GATTE OF A SOFT MIXTURE OF PASTEL PINK, NEON GREEN, AND BLACK and made one last query.

    “WOULD YOU RUN IF YOU WERE CHASED?”

    The shapeshifting object vibrated ADVERBALLY for a moment. Then it CROWED its final answer:

    “ABSOFUCKENLUTELY!”

    As if to prove its point, the colorful Gatte sprang from the moifriendzotoa’s arms and dashed for the WINGNUT. A second later, I could hear rumbling outside. I looked through the window and saw 666 BRICKOSAURUS REXES charging right for me.

    Guess I’d better run too, huh?
    THAT’S ALL FOLKS!

    1. DukkiFluff Avatar
      DukkiFluff

      Ohhh! Now I know what all that random hullabaloo was about! This is absolutely fantastic! I was dying of laughter. It’s such a neat idea too! I love this so much!

    2. (HERE’S THE STORY IN BLANK FORM)

      Aw [PLURAL NOUN], don’t you hate when you’re rubbing your [NOUN] and just casually summon a trickster spirit?

      “I’m not a genie,” [SAID WORD] the [COLOR] spirit when I started spouting off about [NUMBER] wishes. “I’m a [MASHED UP WORDS].” The not-genie stuck her [BODY PART] out at me. “I can tell your probability though.”

      “My what?”

      “Like your fortune. But it’s how likely a given question is to come true. Look! I use this.” She pulled out a [COLOR] [NOUN]. “Watch.” She yelled right at it: “Mister Probability, [YES OR NO QUESTION]?”

      Then she shook the LASTNOUN [ADVERB]. When she stopped, it appeared to have turned into a [ADJECTIVE] stuffed [ANIMAL]. The MASHUP stared into its eye, and nodded. “See? [THING A MAGIC 8 BALL WOULD SAY].”

      “Wow, that’s pretty [ADJECTIVE],” I said. “Let me try.” I knew instantly what I wanted to ask. “[YES OR NO QUESTION]?”

      “Ooh, careful,” said the spirit. “Whatever Mister Probability says is absolute truth. But let’s check.” She shook it again. The thing became [NUMBER] [PLURAL NOUN] and words flashed on the sides:
      [THING A MAGIC 8 BALL WOULD SAY].

      I was [MOOD] to read it. I must act on this newfound knowledge immediately!

      “Aww, [COMMON PHRASE],” said the MASHUP. She patted my [BODY PART]. “Let’s do one more. Something big. What’s something you’d [ADVERB] like to know?”

      I tapped my [BODY PART] thoughtfully. Then I smiled. “I know my question,” I [SAID WORD]. I turned to what was now a [COLOR] [ANIMAL] and asked one more question.

      “[YES OR NO QUESTION]?”

      The shapeshifting object vibrated [ADVERB] for a moment. Then it [SAID WORD] its final answer:

      “[THING A MAGIC 8 BALL WOULD SAY]!”

      As if to prove its point, the LASTCOLOR LASTANIMAL sprang from the MASHUP’s arms and dashed for the [NOUN]. A second later, I could hear rumbling outside. I looked through the window and saw [NUMBER] [ANIMAL] charging right for me.

      Guess I’d better run too, huh?
      [COMMON PHRASE]

      1. To be clear — I only wrote up to the last YES OR NO QUESTION before doing the Mad Lib yellout. After that, I improvised an ending based on the results that rolled up. It’s a little awkward for it, but y’all came up with some HILARIOUS words that carried us through. Thanks again, everyone! <3

    3. I have a tear in my eye and am still shaking with laugther.

      This has been an absolute amazing project and I hope it is read.

      I finda “Probability-Spirit” an amazing idea and u wrote an amazing story about one.

    4. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      Oh, Brick! This is absolutely hilarious! This was a fabulous, fun group effort, and thank you so much for suggesting and posting! Definitely worth multiple readings! Bravo, Brick. Bravo!

    5. ZOMG, I died when I read this. Just died. So happy to have helped contribute words for the project. It was nuts. Such a fun idea, Brick!

    6. Simon D. Field Avatar
      Simon D. Field

      1. “don’t you hate when you’re”. Don’t you hate IT, I believe.
      2. “EVERY ODD NUMBER IS THE SUM OF TWO CUBES”. Actually not, if you’re considering the cubes of whole numbers. Counterexample: 3. It’s not a sum of two cubes, it’s odd. It can’t even be obtained if one of the cubes is negative.
      3. “I tapped my COLON thoughtfully”. Ok. I normally don’t comment on the plot, but this is scary.
      4. “GATTE OF A SOFT MIXTURE OF PASTEL PINK, NEON GREEN, AND BLACK”. Last comma’s redundant, I believe.
      5. “BRICKOSAURUS REXES”. I doubt this declension, to be fair. Is it not grammatically appropriate to write the plural of rex as reges? And you have to make Brickosaurus plural as well. Thus it’s Brickosauri reges.

    7. I’m so happy my “EVERY NUMBER IS THE SUM OF THREE CUBES EXCEPT THOSE WITH REMAINDER 4 OR 5 ON DIVISION WITH 9” comment made it in xD

  3. Random Chance, by Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    It’s a quiet day at the office. It is nearing 2 pm and time is seemingly slowing down. Each moment, each revolution of the clock is taking longer and longer. Beyond the clattering of keyboards and the clicks of computer mouses,

    A loud tummy rumbling is heard, breaking the silence.

    ‘Ugh, I shouldn’t have skipped lunch. Now everyone knows I am starving.’ I check my desk drawer to see if any of my emergency secret snack stash survives. Nothing but a couple pens and an IOU from Penny remains.

    ‘Dammit!’ I close the drawer feeling defeated and sit back in my chair. I stare at my work for a bit, but then remember that the rec room has a vending machine in it!

    I get up from my desk and rush to the room to see a glorious snack machine staring back at me. I take out my wallet and judge the possible treats.

    ‘I don’t want something too small or else I will have to come back, but I also don’t want something too messy or I’ll look like a slob at work.’ I stand there deliberating for a moment before I settle on some delicious nuts. I put a dollar into the machine and await my prize.

    The machine takes the dollar and begins rotating the solenoid to release the snack. As the package begins to release, the solenoid stops and the package remains there, stuck. Dutifully, the machine produces my change and wishes me a great day.

    ‘AAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHH’ My internal screaming and frustration almost bursts forth into reality as I stand with the most dour face, staring at my lost prize.

    ‘What luck! Now, I can’t just buy it again because the machine will have then conned me out of two dollars, and I probably won’t even get both snacks. Besides, if I give in and actually get two snacks, the machine wins and my coworkers will look at me funny.’

    Dejected, I return to my desk and give a sour look to Penny as she smiles and waves from across the office.

    1. Lord_Gatte Avatar
      Lord_Gatte

      Ooooh, this is extremely relatable. I don’t work at an office, yet. Buyt watching the clock tick by while at work is something I do all the time!

      I also like how you took something so mundane and made it into a really powerful struggle. You really want him to get those nuts, because YOU want those nuts. The character gets hungry, and automatically he resembles everytime YOU’VE been in this situation and lost. I love it Matt. The struggle is real.

    2. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      Soooo close! Something small that help break up the monotony of the day and provide nourishment denied in one go. This hits so hard. I feel so much sadness for this person. A bit of dark humor. Great job, Matt!

    3. A pox on your house, Penny! How dare you force the protagonist to use the snack machine, and then lose his precious money!
      I actually could relate to this one a few times. The late day doldrums of waiting for the work day to end. The machine eating your money. I know what both of those are like.
      Good story Matt.

    4. This is one of the greatest tragedies that could befall one of us. You’re so good at injecting drama and emotional intensity into situations we think as mundane. Nice job giving us an idea of the dynamic between the MC and Penny, with just a couple lines! I have a feeling there’s a round two around the corner, and I’d love to see a sequel in this little office.

  4. “Diving by the Cloudside”
    by MinniLou

    Sora looked down over the ledge. All she could see beyond the swirling, spiraling clouds, was the dark, seemingly bottomless sea. As she leaned over the cliff, the drop seemed even longer and she leaped back as soon as her head passed the edge.

    “How do you know I won’t rip my wings on the coral again?” Sora said, her legs slightly shaking at the length of the fall.”Or chip my scales, and open my scars. Besides, just because you managed to get a big crawfish, doesn’t mean I’ll get one too.”

    “Oh, relax already!” Bellhopper replied as she juggled shells in her claws. “It’ll be fine, Just dive in, grab whatever tries to run away first, and fly back up with it.”

    Sora looked over the ledge again. This was her 91st attempt if she remembered correctly. She grazed the spots where scars replaced the azure scales that she once had, now lost to the ocean sands. She remembered all the times she got ensnared in the anemone fields, watching a month’s worth of colorful fish swim away. All the times she let go of her breath just as she was about to grab a
    mid-size crawfish. All the times she had to eat gulls’ bone marrow in shame as nearly everyone else ate their superior catches.

    “No more…” Sora muttered to herself. “No more.”

    Sora took a few deep breaths, stepped back a few paces on the fluffy cloudy platform, spread her wings, and leaped off the cliff straight into the midday sky. The wind whipped against her face as the gravity pulled her into the realm of the sea. All kinds of different fish and squid swam away as Sora broke through the waves. She snatched a shellfish from the dunes and swam back up to the sky. As Sora leaped out of the water and landed back onto the platform, Bellhopper looked at her with shock.

    “What in the seas and skies…?” Bellhopper gasped, dropping her shells.

    Sora looked down at her catch. It was a large, rainbow crawfish.

    1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      This is a very descriptive piece. So much life and character in such a short space. I love how Bellhopper is laid back but also extremely supportive. I love Sora’s determined spirit despite her apprehension. I also enjoyed the way you didn’t explicitly say what kind of creatures they are (I’m guessing harpies or something similar). It feels straight out of a mythological tale! It’s an amazing short, and you worked the prompt into it well. It’s also great that Sora’s chance paid off for her. What an exciting world!

    2. This is good! your visuals are really vivid and really take my into the world! It’s very difficult to relate to a being when you don’t even know what it looks like. It’s an alien being and yet I understand it. I find it impressive that you were able to communicate these feelings so effectively! Good luck on getting read 🙂

  5. Up to Chance
    By Alexander (BrokenEarth)

    “And he gets the jackpot! Can anything stop him?” The game show’s host was shocked. This man’s luck was incredible.

    “Wow! That’s incredible!” John, the contestant who had just gotten the jackpot, looked surprised and happy. In truth, he couldn’t care less. He knew he’d get the jackpot. He knew he’d win the game.

    He wasn’t cheating, though. He had been told what to do, within the game’s rules, that would guarantee his victory.

    The prize money wasn’t what he wanted. It’d be nice, but what was important to him was that his niece would see him on TV and be delighted that he had won.

    “This is for you, Emily!” John spoke the words, and meant them, but there was no conviction behind them. They were empty.

    The game continued, and he ended up winning the best prize the show’d ever seen, but the only thing on John’s mind was getting back to celebrate with Emily.

    On the way to his car in the parking lot, John saw a casino and decided to get a drink at their bar before heading home.

    He hadn’t even drank his shot when a stranger, presumable someone who worked at the casino, approached him.

    “Aren’t you the guy who just won big on TV?”

    “Yeah.”

    “Are you here ’cause you feel lucky? Wanna bet some of those winnings on the dice?”

    “No. I just want a drink.”

    “C’mon, I’m sure you could win something!”

    “I could. I won’t.”

    The man thought for a moment.

    “For someone who just won, you don’t seem very happy.”

    “What’s it to you?” John’s sharp reply caught the man off guard.

    “Nothing, nothing… Just thought I’d seen someone like you before. We get a lot of folks around here, but sometimes we see the same kind of people. They act almost identically. The man I’m talking about ended up losing everything here, but maybe you’ll have better luck.”

    “I told you, I’m not here to gamble.”

    “Even so…” The man handed John a poker chip. “You never know what might happen.”

    1. LumiKat117 Avatar
      LumiKat117

      Hmm, interesting. It makes me wonder HOW he knew he’d win, why was he doing this all for this Emily if he didn’t really care? I also am curious about this guy trying to force him to gamble.

    2. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      John seems so sad. It’s almost like something is weighing heavily on his soul, so he tries to numb the pain. It makes me want to know more about him. The guy at the casino trying to get him to spend money despite John’s mood is pretty accurate.

      The only critique I have is in the 8th paragraph you use presumable instead of presumably.

      Good take on the prompt.

  6. Jarjaross Avatar
    Jarjaross

    Chancing it
    By T. A. Andrewson

    The rain poured endlessly as Iggy waited for their autocar. It always rained here. Something to do with how the autocars powered themselves. Iggy had heard the explanation a few times. It always just sounded like excuses for why the world had to be the way it was.

    They had been excited for this once. Back when they bought into the whole company logic of climb the ladder to get a cushy job. Heh, they had that job now. It was less work than before. Less stress too. The pay bump was nice, until they were upgraded so their accommodations to fit their position and the deduction left them with the same money as before in an apartment which… was cleaner? Still it showed they cared.

    They looked at their phone for what must have been the hundredth time, not looking for the autocar but at a message. In their free time, when they even had free time which was less and less often these days, they would work on robotics designs and mods. Nothing radical, not even real, it was all in the Datastream. It didn’t pay, but it was fun, a hobby more than a passion these days. It hadn’t always been that way though. Two hours ago they had gotten a message from a friend. She had a job offer for them in a start up.

    Their contract had a no moonlighting clause. They’d have to quit if they went for this. They’d have to quit anyway, it would take up too much time.

    Looking at the sky at the endless steaming rain they wondered if they could even remember what the sun looked like? What it felt like?

    As the Autocar pulled up they punched in a new destination. One that wasn’t their home. As the autocar pulled away they began penning their letter of resignation.

    Maybe this was a risk. Maybe it wouldn’t pan out. But maybe the risk of climbing was was worth it for the chance to see the sun one more time instead of rain.

    1. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      I really enjoyed the line about getting promoted and a wage increase, which is ineffectual because their accommodation was upgraded. If that’s not an accurate description of how money works, I don’t know what is. I never earned so little as I did in my early 20s and had so much expendable income. Nowadays, I earn double and seem to have half as much!

      I like this corporate world you have created here. It feels a bit Black Mirrorish. You might want to re-read the 2nd paragraph and give it an edit though as their are a few trim down typos in there. Other than that, good job!

      1. Jarjaross Avatar
        Jarjaross

        Part of this world is a cyberpunk dystopia which is based on an extrapolation of our own world which is slowly falling into late stage capitalism.

        Part of this world is a utopia of civil rights for literally everyone but workers. Because I like people having the right to exist.

        And part of this world is not fully realized because the original idea was not having any mass transit or oil based products but the more I write in it the more I feel like a shifting to Solar punk is a better option than an oil crash destroying every economy in the world.

        (I’ll edit it when it lets me, which is not always because mobile. I should probably get fresh eyes on these after I finish them to catch mistakes like this)

  7. Push
    By Smyser

    Luck is—Hmm, what is luck? Luck is a tingle down my back. Some of us are able to push it out into the world to work for us. It’s an ability. A sense. We can give others luck, ourselves, or store it until it builds and builds. The one rule—never let your luck hit empty. Even a trickle can keep me from exploding or getting literally stabbed in my aforementioned back. I use it to make me money. It’s quite effective in achieving that.

    I’ve stored mine for too long. So long, in fact, that I think it may have a detrimental impact on my social and emotional life. And just my physical life in general. Because otherwise these guillotine straps wouldn’t be so uncomfortable—and the wood is giving me splinters on my chin. Well, that’s my fault I suppose for calling the mayor’s bluff.

    That’s alright. My posse of renegades will be here shortly to sneak through the crowd and save the day. No, they’ll probably latch their luck onto an arrow and disable the guillotine from afar. No, wait, I bet the executioner is one of them in disguise, ready to pull some crazy stunt at the last second. Here he comes now, reaching for the lever. The crowd is anxiously awaiting my doom. What a show they’ll get.

    Perhaps I should use my luck just in case.

    The tingle expands as I push my luck out into the world. I focus its power on the guillotine itself. The executioner pulls the lever.

    Yeah, any fraction of a second now.

    The guillotine comes screeching down. I push and push and push. I focus on the rust of the contraption and explode with every drop of my luck. It halts. It’s stuck. The executioner attempts to dislodge it, but it doesn’t budge.

    They didn’t come for me. They were everything to me. Was I not everything to them?

    I push more on my luck, only to find it empty. I broke the one rule.

    1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      This one is an interesting read. I feel the narrator falls into a delusion about luck. Perhaps he was scam artist before it came back to bite him. Or a gambler who took one too many risks. Well, given the guillotine, he really made someone angry seeing as how that’s an archaic form of execution. In the end, I think the illusion continued and this was his last thought before dying. Then again, perhaps it was luck after all. Very well done!

    2. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      This is an interesting idea on luck. I like the concept that some people can access it somehow. I also like the idea that you never drain it completely. It would have been a neat ending had you had the executioner pick up an axe at the end, or heard the the slip of the blade as it unjams. Good job!

    3. I really enjoy the premise in this one! The luck in this story seems open to interpretation and that gives a few different themes/metaphors, and that’s something I really enjoy seeing in stories. Keep up the good work.

  8. “Blood Oath” by Hikitsune-Red

    The “cell” the amateur monster hunters had picked for Farran was (as I’m told they say in your world) spartan, to say the least. It was, in truth, an empty storeroom on the western edge of some warehouse near the port—Farran could smell seawater through the rotting wooden slats. They had provided him a rusted cot, to which his right hand was cuffed, and a metal bucket purposefully placed just out of reach. Outside, the carousing of the three men Kerrigan had put on watch echoed throughout the building.

    “A few bits o’ planted evidence and this boy thinks we’ll fall for it,” one shouted, following the statement with a laugh more akin to choking.

    “Kerrigan told me he’s gonna put two in his chest for that,” said another. His voice matched the other’s in volume. “Hear that? We don’t normally hunt humans, boy, but we’re gonna put you down just like your wolfen lass!”

    Farran tuned them out half-an-hour ago, opting instead to weigh what few options he had. On the mattress before him was a piece of paper they hadn’t found on him, short instructions about how to form a blood oath with the goddess Asena. Farran’s sister would have warned him to think about the consequences, what he’d become. But he knew no one else knew Kerrigan’s plans; he planned to kill one of the few friends Farran had.

    One of the legs of the cot had an exposed screw, a sharp glinting point, and Farran quickly ran the index finger of his free hand across it, drawing blood. He drew the symbol from the paper on the back of his other hand, careful to be as detailed as he could. Once he finished, he hesitated.

    Farran nervously chuckled to himself. A blood oath to an ancient goddess? Surely, he thought, such a thing wasn’t real. But then the laughter caught in his throat.

    What if it worked? He may never get out of the cell alive if it didn’t (Farran wasn’t exactly an optimist), but if it did, he’d become just like her, a killer—a werewolf.

    1. Hikitsune-Red Avatar
      Hikitsune-Red

      [ignore this misclick]

    2. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      First off, it is unfair to leave things hanging like this! This is really well done! The mystery surrounding Farran is tantalizing, and you give just enough clues for the reader to figure some things out and speculate about others. Needless to say, more of this would be welcome! Great job!

      1. A good cliffhanger often helps it stick in the mind! Glad you enjoyed it.

    3. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      This is an interesting world that you’re hinting at here. What did Farran do to Kerrigan in order to have him locked up, and presumably released as prey for the hunt? I like you going back to the Turkish myth of werewolves as a foundation for their creation in your world.

      I’d watch your use of brackets though (or parentheses if you’re American). I don’t have any issues with an omniscient narrator (Terry Pratchett is my favourite author and I love a tangent) but slipping into first person from third is a bit odd, stylistically. The only writer I know that achieves that with any level of success is Dickens. The brackets, the first in particular, took me out of the story because I started thinking “Who is telling me this?” instead of focusing on the actual story being told. If you’re going first person narrative – even if it’s Emily Bronte style where a character is telling someone else’s story – make it clear, make it consistent. If you’re going third person, stick to it. Your voice will come naturally through your writing; trust yourself and don’t try and crowbar it in. I’m being a bit nit-picky, it is a well-told story and I really liked it, but if you delete those two bracketed phrases, I genuinely think it improves the whole thing.

      1. Thanks for the feedback, and as a huge fan of both Pratchett and Dickens I’m quite chuffed you think I channel that voice—even if only a little.

        350 words doesn’t afford too much exposition, to poorly defend myself. XD

        The narrator is a character, but I found it a little difficult to introduce that in this particular instance, so your feedback is very on-point, and I had thought that it might be a bit disorienting to involve him, but I couldn’t help it. Perhaps in another prompt I’ll have a better opportunity to explain him.

        Thanks!

  9. R J Chapman Avatar
    R J Chapman

    “Benefactor” by R J Chapman

    Peter gasped. His pain receptors detonated and the subsequent explosion had short-circuited his brain. There were no thoughts. There were no subconscious instructions going to the heart or the lungs. Images from his orbital sockets had stopped transmitting. The pain was quite literally blinding.

    His body, desperate for air, overrode his incapacitated mind and forced the carbon dioxide from his lungs with what could only have been muscle memory. An intake of breath followed, as his other four senses slowly began to re-emerge. Staccato sobs followed.

    ‘Pete, what is this?’ he heard a distant voice ask.

    When Peter failed to answer, the pain surged through him once more. This time, his eyes saw the man pressing down on his broken hand.

    ‘What is it, Pete?’ the voice asked again, this time in absolute clarity. The man held an object in front of him.

    ‘It’s a horseshoe,’ Peter whimpered.

    ‘What’s it a symbol of?’

    ‘But I paid,’ Peter pleaded.

    ‘Not what I asked.’

    Peter shook his head, ‘I don’t know.’ The man pressed his thumb into the fractured bones of Peter’s hand. ‘My hand… my broken hand.’

    The man released it. ‘That’s where you’re wrong Pete. This is a symbol of good luck. You’re a gambler, not a very good one admittedly, but a gambler all the same. As a degenerate, I’d thought you’d be superstitious. It’s yours to keep. It’s a gift.’

    ‘Why?’ Peter squeaked.

    ‘This horseshoe just saved your life. You see, this is your last roll. Your final chance to avoid a reckoning. You’re gonna carry this wherever you go. Every time you feel the urge for a little flutter, you’ll look at this and remember the pain this way of life causes.’ Peter felt the pressure on his hand once more. ‘I’ll pop by every now and again to make sure you’re carrying your…’ he paused for a moment before grinning, ‘…your sober chip! Think of me as your sponsor!’

    The horseshoe fell to the floor with a clunk.

    ‘What if I can’t stop?’

    ‘Then you’ll be betting your life,’ he smirked. ‘Welcome to Gamblers Anonymous.’

    1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      This one is dark, and I love it. It’s a great view from the other side of the gambling wheel. The aftermath if outright death isn’t the most expedient way to repay debts. The beginning felt like Peter was a cyborg, and it enhances the story so well once the story gets going. Great work, RJ. Hopefully, Peter won’t be so hasty to gamble his life anymore.

      1. R J Chapman Avatar
        R J Chapman

        Thanks Felicia. When I saw the prompt, I really struggled to think of anything because I don’t really believe in rewarding protagonists with luck, or at least not without laying the groundwork in foreshadowing, which is tricky to do in 350 words. So decided to flip it, with his last chance being his chance to turn away from gambling. I also liked the idea of doing a Jools from Pulp Fiction, where you’ve got a villain who is trying to do something good while still retaining his powers of intimidation.

    2. While I was, admittedly, a little confused about the “distant voice” (I mistook it as someone nearby in a similar predicament at the start), I must say I love the tone of this. Very dark, very consistent.

      As an editor, I’d say be wary of using lofty descriptions of ordinary functions, it often comes off as confusing and stylistically inconsistent with anything that follows, but beyond that, this is a very engaging piece. Nice job!

      1. R J Chapman Avatar
        R J Chapman

        Thanks for the review. The description in the first two paragraphs was just an experiment, I fancied doing something a little different and decided to ditch the usual sensory description and emotive language. I’ve done that in other stories so I always try to push myself out of my comfort zone. The idea was that the pain was so overwhelming that it reduced him to a biological level. Only when the body resets from the shock do his senses and sense of self return. Hence, the voice is distant because he is still detached and recovering. I could have used muffled or faint I suppose. The idea was to disorient the reader just as Peter’s disorientated. Perhaps that transition could have been a bit smoother though. The second paragraph was maybe too much.

        I appreciate the feedback! It’s always great to discuss these things.

    3. Great descriptive, visceral language at the beginning. The only note is that I was a little disoriented once you pulled out of those first two paragraphs to reveal the scene. I think this is because it took me a moment to realize it was the pressing down on his hand that caused all that pain (Or did it just break in that moment?). At first I thought he was being electrocuted or something. I would suggest cutting down on the beginning pain just a tad and stating if his hand was just broken if that’s what happened.

      1. R J Chapman Avatar
        R J Chapman

        Thanks for the review. The idea was that his hand had just been broken by the horseshoe smashing down on it. We join him at that moment. The pressing and pushing is just standard torture of the recently inflicted injury. I’m not one for telling, I personally think you need to make the reader do some work. I don’t entirely prescribe to Hemingway’s ‘Show the reader everything, tell them nothing’ philosophy, because there are times when telling is better, particularly in longer stories. But in 350 words I’d rather make the reader think or feel something, even if it’s not entirely clear, than have a perfect understanding of the plot but with no impact. In essence, I’m happy to sacrifice clarity for interest if the alternative is to understand but be bored. Of course, it would be nice to be interesting and clear but oh well. As I mentioned to H-R above, I probably could have sacrificed that second paragraph or changed the description to be more sensory so it was clear his hand had just been broken. I love doing these prompts, it’s such a great way to experiment and find out what works and what doesn’t. Cheers for the feedback!

    4. Jarjaross Avatar
      Jarjaross

      Tell me if I’m reading this right: someone just tried to cheat a mobster and the mobster used an analogy of gambler’s anonymous to try and keep him out (or maybe in) what ever game/job they had been trying on the mobster.

      In this case I worry for Pete, but find the Horseshoe is very specific. It feels like thats not something that you come up with on the spot, it feels like this is something that the person uses frequently. So I now have this image of a mob called the thoroughbreds who use Horseshoes as a part of ritual killings.

      That or this is a really aggressive version of group therapy.

      1. R J Chapman Avatar
        R J Chapman

        Haha, love the idea of a bunch of mobsters calling themselves The Thoroughbreds thinking they’re all intimidating, but actually just sound like a dance troupe that perform exclusively to 90s R’n’B!

        Yeah, it’s a mobster exerting his power over him but if you prefer to read it as an aggressive form of group therapy then go ahead!

    5. You used some really vivid descriptions at the beginning. It really set the scene of fear and panic I felt throughout. I feel like something important went down before this scene, but there was enough context clue that I could decipher it on my own. Well done!

      1. R J Chapman Avatar
        R J Chapman

        Thanks GJ! I was hoping the description at the start would set the scene but I understand why a few people struggled to engage or follow it.

  10. LumiKat117 Avatar
    LumiKat117

    Unfair Luck
    by Lumikat117 “Lumi”

    Lyeff burst into laughter as the human landed on a trap, gleefully watching him yelp in shock as he was swallowed by a monster.

    “I can’t believe you fell for that! I practically told you it was there!” He snickered, taking a minute to calm down. Alex rolled his eyes and shoving his shoulder into the disguised demon beside him.

    “You did no such thing ‘ya jerk. Great now I have to revive him… Ugh how are you so good at this?! This is literally the first time you’re playing a console game!” Alex protested, flabbergasted by how he was being beaten by a demon who’d never even touched a console before, let alone played.

    Lyeff shrugged, not really sure why either. “Just lucky, I guess? We don’t have things like this in my home dimension.” He tapped a button on the controller, watching as the dice rolled on the tv and moved his character forward towards the goal. He grinned, getting another reward, adding to his already massive wealth and snickering again when he heard his human boyfriend grumble about it being ‘unfair’.

    “Lighten up, we can play one of your ‘board games’ next if you like. Maybe that, what did you call it? Monopoly?”

    “Oh hell no, we are not playing that. We’ll play something that doesn’t pit you against me because I swear you have the greatest luck and I get my ass kicked each time. Look I have another console game that we can play co-op, that means we play on the same side.”

    “Sure, but who would we be playing against?” He turns to Alex, tipping his head curiously.

    “Against the computer, it’s called a ‘First Person Shooter game’ where we play a character in a war and have to shoot AI controlled enemies to get to the end of the missions and achieve our goal, either by winning the war or putting an end to it.”

    Lyeff thought about it… so violent… he didn’t understand humans and their need for violence, but if it made his boyfriend happy, he would at least try it.

    1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      This is such a treat! It’s really fun and makes me miss playing video games and destroying people in said video games. Lyeff’s glee is super infectious, and I adore his relationship with Alex. You’ve got some excellent characters here! Brava for this fun, sweet scene.

    2. This was a very entertaining scene. I’m curious if you meant for the beginning to be a kind of twist as it seems to start out as a villain laughing at a hero’s death only to zoom out to show that they’re playing a video game. If that was the intention, I would lean into that just a bit more (perhaps removing the word “character”). If you didn’t want that to be the intention then I would suggest slightly altering it. I got the feeling of a twist the first reading of it but then while rereading I wondered if that was the point.

    3. I really like how you set up Lyeff’s and Alex’s characters in just a few lines of dialogue. Very nice!

    4. Awww, this is so wholesome! What a good demon, meeting his boyfriend halfway. I really like this good-luck angle — could definitely make for great storytelling shenanigans. And I’m very fond of really any employment of the “actually humans are the shockingly violent ones” trope. Great light-hearted portrayal of what looks like a very supportive relationship!

  11. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    “The Amethyst Jackal Casino” by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    The Amethyst Jackal Casino brimmed with activity as three adventures gathered around a red door on the back wall. The guards knew of them, and opened the door, leading them into a back room.

    The boss of the casino, Redeye, sat at a mahogany table, trademark eye gleaming, tainted right arm oozing and shifting. Two guards flanked him. Around his neck hung a red crystal. On the table rested two decks of cards and a coin.

    “You’ve earned your place against me,” Redeye said. “Flip the coin, then draw a card from the corresponding pile. We reveal, loser’s card activates. Each of you get one shot. You win, you get the crystal. I win, the guards take care of you. Understand?”

    “We’d like a moment outside first, please,” the half-elf said.

    Redeye allowed it. The half-elf handed a potion to the wizard. She downed it and flinched as the thoughts of everyone in the casino were now inside her head.

    “They’ll first look like regular cards, but each have random effects,” she explained. “But I can’t illusion anything without getting noticed. All that matters is the card. Like a roll of the dice.”

    “Then we hope,” the half-elf said. They returned to the room.

    “Ready? Then the paladin goes first.”

    The half-elf and Redeye flipped left. A jack against a seven. Redeye’s card formed two orbs of light that floated near him. “Interesting,” he said.

    The dwarf flipped left, and Redeye flipped right. A two against a ten. A dark copy of the dwarf appeared and cackled, joining the guards.

    It was tied up.

    The wizard flipped right. Redeye flipped left. The wizard laid down a nine. Redeye laid down an eight.

    The party held their breath as Redeye’s card ignited with green fire. The dark copy, guards, and orbs of light flashed and vanished. The chain around Redeye’s neck turned to dust and the gem hit the table.

    “Congratulations,” Redeye smiled. “You’ve earned it.”

    The wizard picked up the crystal. “Thank you.”

    She felt the beating heart within it. She smiled. The kingdom might survive after all.

    1. DukkiFluff Avatar
      DukkiFluff

      This sounds like an interesting little game. And that last line is such a heavy hitter. You’re reading through and it seems pretty simple, but on that last line, you realize just how much is at stake on such a simple game. You nailed that curveball perfectly.
      My one teensy nitpick is “adventures” is missing an “r”, so “adventurers” but it’s an itty bitty detail and I’m just a stickler for spelling. Overall, I’m hooked.

      1. Glaceon373 Avatar
        Glaceon373

        Thank you for the feedback! Yeah, my typos are always early in my writing for some reason. Always appreciate spelling help!

    2. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      This has a Batman vibe to me. Redeye reminds me of a mix between Black Skull, Two Face, and the Riddler but fairer and with a sweeter side. I love the reveal at the end with the stakes being so high and how you didn’t give anything about it away. This is a well-crafted story, and it leaves me wanting so much more!

      1. Glaceon373 Avatar
        Glaceon373

        Thanks! I should really consume more Batman stuff. I didn’t want to add too much information on the stakes early on. Plus, word limit. Thanks for the feedback!

    3. I love the little game you’ve invented. That seems like a really cool idea. Getting to that idea was a bit choppy in my opinion. Personally I don’t think they should ask to leave the room after they just got in. It doesn’t make much sense and I think Redeye would be suspicious. I think it would work much better if they were to do that exchange right before the guards bring them to Redeye. That way we get to know the characters first, and then Redeye, and then the game.
      Also I’m wondering if Redeye’s last line is in character. Obviously you know him best. I’m just speculating.

  12. Felicia Taylor Avatar
    Felicia Taylor

    The Gamble by feliciataylor_91

    A dreamy sigh escaped Ella’s crimson lips as she gazed into her mirror.

    “I feel the time drawing ever closer, my dearest.”

    One gloved hand caressed the surface, a tingle racing down her spine. Her lover smiled back, his eyes warm and kind.

    “Soon, we will be together.”

    She leaned forward and kissed the glass, and a chill touched her skin.

    *Soon.*

    Her older brother Chet opened the door, shaking her from her fantasy. “Ell, Mom said time for-,”

    A stupid grin split his face at the sight of her kissing Marcus Brady’s picture. How humiliating.

    “WHAT?!” Ella screeched, her heart hammering.

    “Well, Mom said dinner is ready, but I see you’ve already started on the appetizer.”

    She picked up her stuffed unicorn and threw it at his head, but he used the door as a shield.

    “Ugh! Get out!”

    “I’ll just say you need a few more minutes.”

    She glowered at his retreating laugher.

    *Annoying jerk!*

    Sometimes, she wished they weren’t related. Still, he HAD protected her from those bullies last year. And he was also the first one to encourage her to actually TALK to Marcus.

    Jerk or no, Chet wasn’t ALL bad.

    Returning focus to the picture, she sighed. She scrubbed it and her face clean after removing the gloves.

    Ok. Marcus wasn’t her lover, YET, but she planned to change that.

    She removed her journal from an unlocked drawer and penned this latest daydream.

    Turning to the inside front cover, she read over a letter she’d written to Marcus. It wasn’t perfect, but it was as close as she could get to expressing her true feelings. She had worked on it for WEEKS.

    Open books of poetry and music appreciation cluttered her bed and nightstand. Two of Marcus’ favorite subjects. Ella wasn’t a fan, but she could understand why he liked them. They helped her letter flow.

    Saturday was the magic day. After the school play, she would give Marcus the letter. All of her fears, hopes, and deepest feelings.

    And IF he read it, she would have her answer. One way or the other.

    1. Love is always a gamble. You never know how to approach someone, and there’s no telling if the feeling is mutual. The sibling dynamic between Chet and Ell was great and the fact that Ell took the time to actually understand what Marcus liked before confessing her feelings is a nice touch. I hope Marcus doesn’t break Ell’s heart beyond repair.

      1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
        Felicia Taylor

        I completely agree. It can be rough in even the best of circumstances. Thank you. The dialouge is modeled after that between my siblings and myself except toned way down. Lol! I hope he doesn’t either.

    2. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      This piece has me asking many questions and I love it. Was it all a daydream? Does the real Marcus have the same feelings for Ella? I really want to read more of this. Your usage voice is amazing. I like all the character details with Chet, Ella, and Marcus. Overall, I like it a lot. Great job!

      1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
        Felicia Taylor

        Only the very beginning is the daydream. When her brother comes in, it snaps her out of it. Thank you! Your words are most appreciated. I’m not sure if I’ll continue this, but I’ll keep it in mind.

    3. DukkiFluff Avatar
      DukkiFluff

      Aww! This is so cute and innocent! What a fantastic take on this prompt! Confessing is always a tough thing to do, and to see how much time and effort went in to this letter makes you really root for her. Good job, Felicia!

      1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
        Felicia Taylor

        Thank you, Dukki! This was a fun one to write. Confessing is difficult to do in the best of times. Lol! I honestly appreciate your feedback.

    4. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      My favourite part of this is the interaction between Ella and Chet. It really rings true of the power dynamic between teenage siblings. I had a good chuckle at him grinning at finding her in a compromising situation. I think most of us can empathise with that teenage crush we never had the nerve to actually ask out. As per usual, top quality stuff!

      1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
        Felicia Taylor

        Much appreciated, RJ. My siblings and I still act like this toward each except turned up to 15. Lol! Thank you, thank you!

    5. Jarjaross Avatar
      Jarjaross

      I’m not sure whether this is supposed to be cute and sweet or creepy and stalkerish. I know I read it as creepy and stalkerish but that could just be my interpretation of a school girl crush gone a little too far.

      Then again I find celebrity culture to be incredibly creepy so maybe it is a matter of unusual perspective.

      Either way I like the interaction between the siblings. They feel like real people even in this small space you have here.

      1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
        Felicia Taylor

        Lol! I’m so glad you mentioned the creepy/obsessive part of infatuation. It’s supposed to be sweet/cute. I understand where you’re coming from about the obsessive, but it’s not. Or at least it isn’t supposed to be. She and Marcus are actually good friends and he gave her the picture. I can see how it COULD go into stalker territory, but that was completely unintentional.

        Thank you. I’m glad you think so.

    6. LumiKat117 Avatar
      LumiKat117

      This is cute! I like how it’s just a simple teenage girl trying to win over her crush and being teased by her brother in a good natured way.

      1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
        Felicia Taylor

        Thank you, Lumi! I had to write at least one fluffy piece.

    7. I love the dialogue between the Ella and Chet. It gives off the same feeling as any teasing between siblings does. The prose feel like things that would pass through a real love struck teenage girl. Overall, it’s structured very well and written with an incredible voice. Hope to see more like this!

      1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
        Felicia Taylor

        Thank you so much! I’ll try to get more sweet ones like this out. I’m so glad you enjoyed it!

    8. YES! So happy to be reading your stuff again.
      This story seems sweet, and yet creepy stalkerish, and yet strangely relatable. I mean, I’ve maybe never taken a chance like Ella is planning to, but I can’t say I haven’t daydreamed about a crush, fantasized about being with them.
      The interaction between Ella and Chet is so natural and organic. I can really get the feel for them as actual people.
      So much praise.

      1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
        Felicia Taylor

        Thank you, Masa! It’s really good to be back writing. The creepy/stalker aspect was completely unintentional. It was supposed to be more devoted or lovestruck.

        The overall consensus seems to be that Ella and Chet’s interaction is the best part of it. Lol! I’m glad.

        Glad you liked it!

    9. This is great Felicia! It’s so cute! You really characterized everyone very well. I love the interaction between Chet and Ella lol. I love how dramatic the beginning reads to be interrupted by Chet’s jeers. I don’t really have any nitpicks, you did really well!!!

      1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
        Felicia Taylor

        Thank you, Matt. I truly appreciate your feedback, and I am glad you liked it. You’re always so sweet.

  13. “The Boss”
    By Madelyn

    If there was a common thread between a game of poker and surviving for a century or two, it was that there was no such thing as luck. Some people had an advantage, but never luck. Everyone just had to use the hand they got and hope to be the last one standing.

    That’s how Avi even had the opportunity to hold what Reginold Black called “Lady Luck’s dice.”

    “Now, I cannot let just anyone take these,” Reginold explained. “No offense.”

    “I’m used to it.” It was the second time Avi spoke the truth that night. He was not as good at lying as Balthazar, but he was still decent enough.

    “Before you take them, I must be certain that Lady Luck is willing to part ways.” Reginold motioned for Avi to throw the dice on the desk.

    Avi knew the risk, but Balthazar still needed time to get the information they came here for in the first place. He rolled the dice and watched as they landed on a four and a one. Then those dots shifted to a head and a snake. He looked at Reginold and asked, “Mind explaining what—”

    There was a black void around him. Then a golden figure appeared before him. The face cracked as several eyes opened.

    “Faust.” Avi was not as surprised as he thought he would be.

    “You’re lucky you have a pact with me,” Faust spoke as he floated above the ground. “Anyone else would have let you crack under your greatest fears. Curious, though. You don’t seem like the kind of person who fears being alone.”

    Avi felt himself stiffen. “What am I supposed to be witnessing?”

    Faust got close to Avi’s face, all eyes trained on him. “Oh, you know, loved ones falling away one by one until you’re alone. The usual. Gotta go. Chat next time?”

    Avi opened his eyes and saw Balthazar crouched in front of him, making sure Avi was fine. “Mind explaining what you were thinking?”

    Avi used the desk to stand up and ignored Reginold’s unconscious body, “I need a drink first.”

    1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      Each and every installment pulls me in deeper! I love it! Faust’s entrance is grand and terrifying! He reminds me of a Buddhist god. I’m appreciating the lengths that Balthazar and Avi are going to in order to protect each other. Their bond is amazing! Reginold seems like an aristocrat. Also, great use of the prompt. A literal roll of the dice and a chance taken. Excellent double meaning!

      1. Thank you so much! While mostly unintentional, this piece is a twist on Goethe’s play Faust; aside from the obvious nod in a knowledgeable being named Faust, there’s the idea of a person making a pact for knowledge and the idea that those the person loves will get hurt as a consequence. Since Balthazar was the center of a few stories already, it felt right to write a piece centered on Avi and who he is.

    2. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Your first sentence had me immediately. I love the world you’ve created with Avi and Balthazar, and this new piece is just another cherry on top. Reginold Black seems like a very interesting character, and same with Faust. This story is very immersive and I can’t wait to read more from you!

      1. Thank you so much! I’ll be honest, Faust is a fairly younger character in terms of creation and a new concept for what else exists in the world, so introducing him was the more difficult aspect of this story. While Reginold is also new, he’s more like Avi in the sense that he collects magic items, so he was easier to integrate.

    3. DukkiFluff Avatar
      DukkiFluff

      I love that starting line. I hope you don’t mind if I pocket that for later use, as we have a few major gamblers in our ongoing roleplay (MasaCur, Gatte, and myself, plus one other).
      I don’t really have much else to say other than that it’s brilliantly written, and I’d love to read more of these two.

      1. Thank you so much! By all means, you can definitely use that line for future use. I do plan to write more, and maybe I can further explain Faust in a future story since he’s a newcomer compared to a lot of my other characters. Hope the roleplay goes well!

    4. I am incredibly confused about who is who and why they’re doing what they’re doing, but it sounds (from what I gather from my fellow commenters) like this is an ongoing thing, so I’ll look at this a bit more technically (as us editors are wont to do).

      First off, nice narrative style. Not sure if you’re aware of it or not (some people aren’t until they’re told), but it appears rather consistent and befitting of short fiction like this. It engages quickly in the first line and has an air of familiarity readers get warm and cozy hearing.

      I’m not really sure how Reginold ended up unconscious (again, possibly a detail from earlier?) or where this Balthazar character is in the scene. Granted, you only get less than 350 words.

      All in all, very enjoyable and stylistically pleasing.

      1. Thanks for the input! It is a world that I’ve been working on for awhile (since the prompt “The Forest Will Change You” if memory serves), and this story is the first to focus on Avi. As for the style, it’s something I’m partially aware of since I have to do a lot of writing for college, but I never noticed that it gave off a warm feeling. If the next prompt allows me, I might try leaning into that idea.

    5. This was really good! I got the sense that Avi is kind of disenchanted with the fantastic at this point. His reaction to the black void opening up was pretty funny, at least how I had it pictured in my head. I sort of imagined him giving one of those half nods as if to say “sup”. I enjoyed this. Can’t wait to see what more you’ll write!

      1. Thanks! Avi is still fascinated with everything, but he’s also used to it—essentially still being passionate about something despite working with it for years. As I was writing this, there was a voice at the back of my head telling me to write this as if Avi was an experienced D&D warlock having a brief meetup with his patron, so your image of Avi being nonchalant in the void is accurate.

    6. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      As others have said, that is a cracking opening line. Great use of juxtaposition. I’m intrigued by Faust. Is he your own re-imagining of a demonic figure such as Mephastopheles (from Faust/Doctor Faustus) or he is something else like a trickster? He struck me as a character who is love with being evil (e.g. Moriarty, Hannibal Lecter, Ramsey Bolton, The Joker, Angelus, Negan, Kilgrave, Hans from Inglorious Basterds) and I adore those characters who have so much fun playing mind games, manipulating everyone else. I would have liked to have seen a bit more of him so I hope he pops up again soon! It’s a little unclear what’s going on, I’m guessing Reginold was possessed by Faust but I may have misread that, but I think you’re better off doing something intriguing in which the reader has to question than getting bogged down in exposition in a 350 word story. Good job!

      1. Thank you! Faust is sort of a mix of a reimagined Faustian demon and a trickster, and while he didn’t possess Reginold, I wouldn’t put it past this Faust to go that far. He was supposed to just be a reference to Avi’s own desire for knowledge (hence the name Faust), but then he evolved into this. I do plan on showing him more since he’s a wild card in the world as of right now, but I will say that even with the sudden evolution, he’s still a bit more neutral compared to others like himself; while he does enjoy messing with people and would totally do evil things, he still looks out for those that seek him out and doesn’t feed off of negativity like his “siblings” (for lack of another term).

  14. New Job
    By Giovanna J. Fuller

    “You did well,” the strange man complimented.

    I gave him a confident smirk, “Yeah, I did.”

    He snorted, but smiled.

    We watched as the good men and women of the police department took care of the mess. The only light was the soft yellow light of flashlights as they did their work in silence. Everything would be cleaned up before the first 9-5 employee got up for work. It amazed me how I could have gone my whole life not ever seeing this, if it wasn’t for that night.

    “You’d make a good cop.”

    I turned my head to look at him. He was still watching the clean up. I said nothing, thinking I had misheard him.

    “Well, ever given it any thought?” I watched as he slipped a hand into his coat and pulled out a pack and a lighter.

    “Hmm?”

    He lit a cigarette and gave it a puff. “To this,” he gestured to the mess. “You’d be a half decent one too, better than any rookie I’ve had to train.”
    Work for the police.

    “Not really my style.”

    “Perks come with the badge.”

    “Dental?”

    “Course.”

    I shrugged. “I work best when I don’t have someone breathing down my back.”

    “Well,” he handed me a business card, “if you ever change your mind. Give me a call.” He walked over and began barking orders at the clean up crew.

    Mr. Willard of the Dover Police Department.

    I brought the card closer to my face. My hot breath warmed it slightly. The black letters melted and fused into new ones.

    Mr. Willard of the Dover Supernatural Investigation Squad.

    ‘Maybe it was time for a career change.’ I rubbed my jaw. ‘Come on Max, you’ve done weirder things.’

    1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      Oooooh! GJ, I really like this! There’s a bit of fun here. I enjoyed the reveal of the force Willard wanted Max to join, and it makes sense that’d they want to hide it in plain sight. The interaction is brief, but I like the atmosphere between the two. It’s curious but trusting. It feels natural. I also like that Max has to talk himself up to joining while his actual decision remains unknown to the reader. Very intriguing!

      1. Thank you! I decided toying with a more urban fantasy vibe would be a nice change of pace from what I normally do. Now that I have it out there, I’m thinking this might be a good place to explore with these characters in a more serial fashion. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

    2. This feels like a pilot to a new paranormal investigation show, and I love it. The card trick was also really neat—saves the weird looks most people would get if they advertised themselves as paranormal investigators. If this was a longer story, I would totally stay up all night to read it.

    3. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      I really enjoy this. It feels like an event at the end of the first chapter or episode of a paranormal crime story, and it’s handled very well. Your creativity is boundless and I like it a lot. The touch with the changing business card was unexpected for me on my first read through, and I loved it. Great work!

    4. DukkiFluff Avatar
      DukkiFluff

      Oh I love this! I’m a sucker for supernatural stuff. I would have loved to read what this “mess” pertains to, and I would love to see what sorts of other “messes” this character gets into if he does take the job. Another great piece, GJ!

    5. Interesting take on the prompt, I like it! Makes me want to know even more about them all. One thing in particular I like is the interaction between Mr. Willard and Max, the dynamic is super fun. If it were a full book, I would probably stay up just to finish it.

    6. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      This has a very supernatural noir feel to it, which isn’t something you see much of. There’s enough intrigue here to capture the imagination and would love to know what actually happened prior to this. Great job!

    7. Oooh, mysterious! I like the reveal of who Willard works for. His approach seems so self-assured and confident. This feels so much like an opening chapter to an urban fantasy series.

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