Writing Group: Ye Shall Be As Gods (PRIVATE)

Hello, puny mortals!

We’re all curious what it would be like to have a little more power of things, aren’t we? Do a little transcending and apotheosizing, clamber up out of the mortal coil? That’s why…

This week’s prompt is:

 

Ye Shall Be As Gods

 

MASSIVE RULES CHANGES BELOW!
We’ve made some really big changes to the rules! Make sure you scroll down to the bottom of this post to see them before submitting!

 

 

This week sounds pretty religious, but it’s really just about promises of power.

Not every story needs to include deities, angels, demons, and mortals undergoing some kind of actual transformation into a divine entity. As long as “gods” is satisfied in relative terms, you’re good.

You could, for instance, write a story about an ant who learns to wield the power of a magnifying glass. You could write about a poltergeist who realizes it can con people into worship and supplication by performing minor miracles instead of pranks—lifting a crucifix at an opportune moment, popping a couple drops of red food coloring into the communion water, etc. You could write about an ancient oracle peering ahead to the anthropocene era and seeing the vast powers we have over the Earth.

The one caveat here is that the promise of power also promises a change in position as well. It doesn’t mean anything for a character to be promised that they’ll be really good at sword fighting. They need to be promised that, relative to where they are now, they’ll be all-powerful. Not just good at sword fighting, but unstoppable by their previous standard.

A fun twist could be to investigate how perspective impacts relativity. Someone could become “as a god” compared to where they were… only to discover that on a larger scale, they’re still a mote of dust on the wind.

Whatever you do, I expect the full measure of irresponsibility. Be as Prometheus, and put this divine gift into the wrong hands.

Now go forth and fulfill some prophecies.

 

 

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Friday at 7:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit, and get ready to help each other improve their confidence in their writing, as well as their skill with their craft!

 

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least six stories during each stream, three of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
    6. No additional text styling (such as italics or bold text). Do not use asterisks, hyphens, or any other symbol to indicate whether text should be bold, italic, or styled in any other way. CAPS are okay, though.
  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new (no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    6. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    7. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

162 responses to “Writing Group: Ye Shall Be As Gods (PRIVATE)”

  1. The Author and the Muse
    by Roulette wheels

    “This is completely insane,” Gemma said to herself as she signed yet another autograph in another of her latest book.

    According to the this week’s sales numbers it had already sold over a hundred thousand copies. She laughed inwardly as she thought about just how much things had changed over the last year. She had gone from being a broke college student struggling to pay the bills.

    Now she was the world’s most popular and best selling author. Her Grandma never would have guessed how the tickets to Greece she had given her as a high school graduation present we’re paying off still to this very day. Gemma had trouble believing it herself sometimes, often she wondered if it was only dream. I mean stumbling into an enchanted library where she had found the essence of a muse trapped in the walls sounded ridiculous even to her! They made a deal,
    in exchange for Gemma’s help to gain her freedom the muse a goddess of inspiration had agreed to relinquish all of the power she possessed over to her.

    When she had asked why the muse would possibly consider giving up such immense power. The beautiful yet ethereal young woman smiled sadly and replied in the most otherworldly and astonishingly musical voice Gemma had ever heard that she had once fallen in love with a mortal man.

    The other gods viewed as an act of betrayal including her own parents and as punishment they had imprisoned her here. The goddess went on to explain how although her lover had long ago passed away she still wanted to know what it was like to be human.

    Gemma smiled to herself as she thought maybe this would be the next story she would share with the world. She never tired of seeing her many happy fans but, today she thought recognized a face in the crowd.

    The beautiful young woman stood before her with an ethereal aura and when she asked for her autograph her voice was musical.

  2. AnonymousIdiot Avatar
    AnonymousIdiot

    Knowing Good and Evil

    by Anonymous Idiot

    Hwyt kept his eyes closed as he waited for his vision. He sat in the smoking ring for who knows how long, with drums beating like his own heart. Still, no god answered. 

    Every child growing up was to see a god and show them the rest of their lives. ‘A god visits a child growing up.’ Hwyt repeated that to himself. It should’ve brought comfort, but he instead felt more uneasy.

    Hwyt wondered if calling upon a Love god would earn them scorn for something so…shameful… But he had to know, if only so that he can understand the other children’s coaxing each other for a kiss or this strange ‘sex.’ They said nothing to Hwyt about the latter, but ‘adults do it all the time, and adults praised them for it.’ They all had to settle for daring one another to kiss until then. Hwyt remembered those dares, and his chest felt heavy. Ergi didn’t appear to mind, but others whooping and laughing at the display made him unsure what Ergi felt either.

    A hand to his cheek cut off that tangent, and Hwyt opened his eyes. He saw violet eyes staring back with a warm familiar smile, a god’s. Nobody he recognized. Hwyt tried to picture more, but all he could process was that the god was naked. Hwyt reflexively scrunched his eyes shut, looking away.

    “It’s okay.” A whisper. The hand on his cheek gently, so gently, nudged Hwyt’s face to meet the god’s gaze. He took a deep breath. He focused only on the god’s face. The violet eyes softened, and the hand drew away. He felt calmer.

    “Why…” He had to get the question out. “Why do they want… sex?”

    The smile’s warmth faded, though only slightly. “Look right.” Hwyt did and what he saw dug a pit in his stomach. Pained faces. Screams. Strangers wearing children’s faces. Hwyt turned to the god, mortified.

    “No!” Hwyt could only say that, too sick to say anything else. The hand stroked his cheek and the sickness melted away.

    “Remember these feelings when you wake.”

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      I found it hard to understand the ending of this story. Is it just showing visions of sex to a child that cannot understand it? What does “Strangers wearing children’s faces” mean in that context? I do like the concept and it totally makes sense in a world where you can commune with the gods, but the end is intentionally quite mysterious.

    2. revisis Avatar
      revisis

      Hmm a few shortcuts, because of the wordcount no doubt.

      Now, overall this world seems fascinating. Each child meets a god that shows them the future? How ominous!

      Now we dont know if Hwyts education in gods is incomplete…or if he actually met a new one.

      Similar to calliope im not 100 percent sure I understood the ending, but maybe a horrible crime will be comitted…?

      Anyways, this is a fascinating world and a good story!

  3. Brick Avatar
    Brick

    The Greatest of All Beings

    by Brickosaur

    Lex emerged from the crowd of ten thousand soldiers, brandishing a newly-acquired parchment case.

    “You took your time,” sneered Astrida. “You have the scroll?”

    Lex gave her a withering stare. “Nooo. This is just my handy portable snake bed. You know, for when they wanna take a nap. Of COURSE I have it. Here.”

    He uncapped the cylinder, embossed in golden letters: ‘The Greatest of All Beings,’ and pulled out a fragile spell scroll. Astrida’s eyes lit up, reflecting Lex’s own excitement. Eagerly, they studied the document. Lex had skimmed it, but only now could he appreciate it in detail.

    “‘Ye Shall Be As Gods,’” read the heading. “Perfect.”

    “It should do fine,” Astrida agreed. “Let’s test it.”

    Lex beckoned a lowly guard over. “You!” he barked. “Come here.”

    The guard obeyed, standing at ease.

    Astrida squinted at the calligraphic lettering and read an ancient spell aloud. Smoky essence wafted from the parchment to the soldier, who immediately shifted posture. He looked around, alert, and gazed at the heavens, jerking his head this way and that, quick breaths through the nose.

    “Enhanced god senses,” breathed Lex as the soldier tilted his head and opened his mouth, letting his tongue loll.

    “It worked!” cheered Astrida. “Excellent! Now to cast it on the rest. These soldiers, imbued with the power of legends — they’ll be the greatest force on the continent!”

    Already, she was standing over the army, calling them to attention. Lex watched the already-turned one scratch his ear, then stop dead to stare at some tiny sound. He didn’t seem very godly…

    “Greatest of all beings?” he murmured.

    Just then, Astrida came stomping back. “Lex! Something’s wrong! They aren’t listening to me. It’s like — all their training — gone!”

    Horrible realization dawned on Lex. He backed out of punching range. “Uh, Astrida? Check the title of that scroll again.”

    “Check the — wha?” She glanced at the parchment, and her eyes lit on fire.

    “You moron! Did you even read this!? It says ‘Ye Shall Be As DOGS!’”

    Below them, Lex heard the howl of ten thousand men’s best friends.

    1. AnonymousIdiot Avatar
      AnonymousIdiot

      Okay, lighthearted in story, great misdirection, good comedy of errors, gotta wonder how someone could make such a mistake. Funny to read from start and end. Middle kinda sagged a bit, but the end picks up on that. Can’t tell if the main characters are good, bad, or just happened on something that piqued their interest.

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        It did say the writing was ‘calligraphic’ which makes letters look all funny. Another joke I have seen made before was a wizard summoning a Lemon, thinking it was a spell to summon a Demon, and suchlike. XD

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Hahahahahahahaha, this was a great bit of comedy here. Clearly the spell’s creator had a very different idea of what constituted ‘greatest beings’ than raw power and strength! If only it had been named ‘The Goodest of All Boys’ instead, which both would have avoided mistakes like in this story, and also is the objectively correct name for this spell. 😛

      One actual nitpick I did have was this: ““‘Ye Shall Be As Gods,’” read the heading. “Perfect.”” – I see what you were trying to do here, but the ‘perfect’ being spoken after the title itself confusingly makes it sound like the scroll itself is speaking! Maybe ‘he read aloud.’ would have been a clearer way of indicating who was speaking?

      In any case, this was a unique and greatly amusing take on the prompt, well done! 😀

      1. Brick Avatar
        Brick

        XD I really want an old-timey leather case that says The Goodest of All Boys now!

        Thanks for the review! Note was totally fair; that is a little awkward. Glad you liked the other stuff ^.^

    3. revisis Avatar
      revisis

      Bahaha now that was a twist I didnt see coming.

      Hmm scroll-cases, do I smell some inspiration from a recently read book? 😉

      Now I really find this interesting. Are Lex and Astrida the legitemate leaders od these men? Or are they rebells desperate for an edge in a coming fight…I hope we see more of them! And that spells are reversible..

    4. This is really good very creative and intriguing premise I really like the use of dialogue I love dogs very much so this story really made me smile keep up the good work I hope you continue to write in the future I really like how you story flows and how it is put together I think this will be a great entry to the channel best of luck to you and sorry about my lack of punctuation

  4. Test

    by Test

    This is a test.

  5. revisis Avatar
    revisis

    Promise of Divinity

    by Exce

    The murmur of many voices pierced the thick curtains which yet hid the stage from their view.

    Of course, he did not like letting them wait, but then again, the thought of the most powerful people in the empire enduring this delay without complaint just to hear him talk…it felt damn good.

    A feeling which was marred by the sheets of paper a sweaty courier had pushed into his hands just a few minutes ago. An exponential increase of ships lost with all hands on deck, multiple governors had gone totally silent, and apparently some of the scientists had detected a massive chain of seaquakes.

    He dropped the stack of papers onto a nearby table with a sound of disdain. A few rebellious officials wouldn’t stop their growth. And they had made sure no whim of nature would devastate their cities.

    Thus having relieved himself of any lingering worry, the man took a few deep breaths before emptying his glass of water and stepping out onto the stage. And, as the curtains rose, the audience finally fell silent.

    “I have to thank you all for following my invitation so numerously! Many of you have followed the advancements of our great empire! And I am glad that I can finally announce a breakthrough that will enable us to take our rightful place as the gods of this world!”

    Behind him a crystal floated up, projecting a map into the air.

    It clearly marked out their island empire, and outgoing from its heart were the golden veins of magic that made it so powerful.  Then, outside of the empire, other golden spots of magic appeared, quickly the empire’s area spread out to cover them as well.

    “Soon! We will take hold of other Nexuses, and then nothing will deny us!”

    The audience applauded and cheered, and the speaker basked in it.

    None of them noticed the flicker of the projected map, or how the water of decorative fountains lost some of its pressure.

    All they heard was a distant, threatening thunder. And it slowly advanced on the heart of their empire.

    1. Brick Avatar
      Brick

      Ooooh, this is delightful. Everyone here is in so much trouble, and they have no idea.

      This has a good transition between thought, description, note summary, and events. The pacing is even and efficient, to the point that I had to go double check that this wasn’t as long as it felt. Nope! You just packed a lot in there.

    2. AnonymousIdiot Avatar
      AnonymousIdiot

      Cannot tell if I should be dreading and cheering at the ending. Nothing but a consistent feeling of foreboding in this character and what his plans are. POV character oozes smug superiority, and I can’t tell if there’s supposed to be some eco-hero in the wings in some future chapter of this.

    3. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      I got strong pre-sinking of Atlantis vibes from this. The advanced island civilisation, the reports of seaquakes and the sounds of distant thunder…it seems like this version of Atlantis is about to get its comeuppance, and if the POV character’s attitude is anything to go by, it probably deserves it too. Except for the innocent civillians of course, but such is the way this tale goes.

      The looming ominious feeling was particuarly well done, and with some relatively subtle effects too! Deffo an intriguing work this was. 😀

    4. Tale Foundry Avatar
      Tale Foundry

      I really enjoyed this story, Exce, but man, the speaker is incredibly egotistical, and this is coming from someone who writes Myoni.

      The story itself is very fascinating, great usage of wording, and a ominous ending that lets the reader know that there is an oncoming storm approaching for this empire.

      I love it Exce, quite the read!

    5. Very atmospheric I’m getting a pirate vibe if you can which is great since I love Pirates and anything to do with the ocean you do a really good job convene the scenery in the environment around you characters and giving new characters unique voice you do a very good job with you sentence structure as well I think this will be a very good entry hope you continue to write in the future as I would like to see and read more from you sorry for my lack of punctuation

  6. L’Ultimo Canto

    By NocteVesania

    Led by his guide, the traveler marches through the frozen wastes. Much more than the icy gale blowing on his face, the sight of contorted bodies deep in the ice chills him to the bone. Nevertheless, they forge on.

    “Cocytus, the crystalline lake,” the guide announces, “the kingdom of traitors.”

    The traveler hesitates for a moment. His hands start shaking, not from the cold, but from fear and doubt, borne of his guide’s words. He tries to push these feelings away as he sees a large figure looming in the distance. The traveler could barely see, the wind blowing in his face, but he could still make out the monstrous shape.

    With every step, the traveler feels the ground shake more and more in a rhythm. As he approaches, the terrifying visage becomes clearer. The beast sticks out of the ice from its chest up, its wings flap ceaselessly, causing the gale to blow ever strong. On its crown are three heads, each gnawing on a man, forever mangling their bodies.

    Out of fear of aggravating the fiend, the guide stops a ways away from it, daring not to come any closer, but the traveler does not. His footsteps trudge on. The guide calls out, worrying for the safety of his charge.

    “D-Dante! Don’t come any closer!”

    His words fall on deaf ears. The traveler eventually stops, mere feet away from the beast. His cloak flails wildly in the wind, but he stands unflinching. His vengeful soul has cast off his fear as he comes face to face with the beast.

    “I call upon thee, mighty beast.” The traveler stretches his arms, as if offering himself.

    “Dante, what are you—” The guide’s voice is cut off as the beast lets out a primal roar.

    “Help me annihilate the land of men, and I will help you take back your place in paradise.” A cruel smile takes over the traveler’s face. “We will exact vengeance on those who wronged us, those who cast us out!”

    The beast’s heads turn to face the traveler, their gnawing stopped.

    “Together, we shall be gods.”

    1. Brick Avatar
      Brick

      I don’t know what it is, but I can really feel the miserable cold in this scene. It kind of takes over everything, and that adds a cool extra dimension to the story (pun not intended).

      There appears to be a bit of tense inconsistency in the second to last paragraph. It could be that “stopped” is meant to be an adjective. Either way, it feels a bit off.

      That’s my only note. This is a really interesting scene. Bonus for having a giant multiheaded monster!

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      I realised the setting super early, the frozen bodies in the lake are a very memorable sight after all. But the twist at the end was very unexpected! I wonder what would cause Dante to take such a daring risk, both short and long term in nature? And does he have any actual plan to free Satan from his eternal prison? He looks pretty helpless in his current state.

      I agree with Brick about the atmosphere too, you made sure that the cold and the wind was always present in the scene throughout, plus the tone of the piece in general adding to the effect. Good work! 😀

  7. Tale Foundry Avatar
    Tale Foundry

    Title: The Future King of Hell

    Written By: T.S.G. Sager

    “Breath, Cameo, Breath!”

    As the Midwife said this, Abaddon stood up, eager to see his wife giving birth to their first son. He’d never witnessed an Akuma’s birth. Having created them, this seemed to be a far more painful way to create life. He was fascinated by this process, in this moment, his wife was just as much god as he.

    The midwives refused to let their King, as well as God, down by failing to bring his first born into the world. After a few pushes and screams from Cameo, Abaddon heard the cries of something else, something new. After a few minutes, the lesser Akuma handed Abaddon his son, who held him with great pride as he sat down next to his exhausted wife.

    “You did it, Cameo.” Abaddon exclaimed, examining the baby.

    “WE did it, M’lord.” Cameo corrected.

    “Yes, yes, you’re right. Now, what shall we name him? It has to be something powerful. Afterall, we are looking at the future Celestial Kami and ruler of Hell.” Abaddon asked, before passing Cameo her son.

    They both considered all the options for the beautiful baby boy, who looked up at them with curious ruby eyes.

    “How about Abraxos! That’s a powerful name!” Abaddon exclaimed. Cameo shook her head in response. 

    “How about Satan?” Abaddon tried once more.

    “He doesn’t look like a Satan, though.” Cameo protested. “How about Mammon?”

    “Nowhere near powerful enough.” Abaddon argued. Cameo thought once more, then finally her eyes lit up.

    “Kurogane. I like Kurogane!” Cameo stated. Abaddon contemplated the suggestion for a moment, then nodded in approval.

    “Yes, Kurogane is definitely an adequate name. Fit for the future God-King of Hell. That is, once I grow tired of living, and pass my immortality onto him.” Abaddon stated, before kissing his wife on the forehead. “You rest now, m’dear. You’ve been through so much today, we’ll let the midwives take care of Kurogane, please take some time for yourself to recover.”

    “As you wish, M’lord.” And with that, Abaddon left his wife’s side, off to get the preparations ready for his son’s future.

    1. chronicDreamer Avatar
      chronicDreamer

      Vary kool, I cant help but think all the name suggestions were references to something. I also really like thier relationship, it is so sweet how he values his wife so much and how much his wife adores him by going threw something as painful as birth. It is a nice validation females often don’t get, so it was a nice contrast to the main character’s assumed evils as the god of hell. I kind of wish they spent more time together after she gave birth but I understand he is a busy man.

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Ah yes I see how this could be interpreted into the prompt even without the demon king inheritance aspect to it. Though techically speaking the whole creation of life stuff happens before the birth itself, birth is more like…publishing your creation? I guess?

      Anyway, I really like how Abbadon and Cameo seem to really love each other, albiet with Cameo’s dialogue kinda indicating the unignorable presence of the differing power dynamic – always calling him ‘mi’lord’ and the like which suggests more of a servanty relationship than a romantic partnery one. Was that intended or are they supposed to have a more equal relationship dynamic than that?

      Also a nitpick: Breathe, not Breath, when referring to the action of breathing.

      An interesting story in any case! 🙂

    3. I thought this was a really neat interpretation of the prompt 🙂 It was a very interesting way to talk about gods and how they are born.

  8. chronicDreamer Avatar
    chronicDreamer

    The Puppet God

    By chronicDreamer

        They picked me because of how good a carnivorous I made. I was no one, so why would I refuse? I mean, they wanted to make me their god. At first my worshipers were so few, but now I am worshiped by so many, they flock to me to bask in my beauty and listen to my guiding words. 

    Well, not my words.

    I can’t speak without them anymore. My voice has been replaced with a box of gears. Much more beautiful sounds come out of me now. Why should I complain? Without them I would still have nothing, but they gave me the world. Of course, I really can’t be a part of the world anymore. They made sure I couldn’t, but it’s alright, it’s just because I am so important to them. 

    They took my legs, my arms too, but they take such good care of me. All the finest food, they always dress me up in the finest clothes, and decorat me just as grand. They do so much for me, even though it takes so much time to clean and care for me, since I can’t do it on my own now. But they love to do this for me, they treasure their work, because I am precious to them. 

    Besides, the arms and legs I have now are much more beautiful, more gears wrapped in unblemished porcelain. Each joint is beautifully made for precious elegant movement. When I sit at my aler, they string me up so my movements can match the beauty of my voice.

    Well, not my voice.

    But I still have something that is mine, something I can give to all my worshipers. I can give them my blessing, and unlike my words or beauty, I do this with something they did not give to me. Threw my blessing I bring them releaf, sure, they might be rough with me sometimes, well most of the time, but they don’t mean to. They just get so excited, because they love me, but I forgive them.

    Because I am their god.

    1. Oh I love it! It is cringe worthy in a good way 😀 and chilling and amazing! Your words evoke wondrous imagery <3

      1. chronicDreamer Avatar
        chronicDreamer

        Im glad to hear! I was worried it was too creepy. I have a hard time sharing ideas like this in real life, I am just too shamed of myself to, so I am trying to share it here in order to try and keep my shame form ruling me creatively. I still feel bad for writing this I hope it is ok for me to write about these kind of topics and themes.

    2. Connor/Dragoneye Avatar
      Connor/Dragoneye

      This piece teeters on the brink of being poetry, but I love it anyways! Such a nicely doctored word choice, they put me in the head space of the narrator, and are very evocative! Very well done, Chronic!

  9. Of Gods and Plush

    ~Tark

    Doc Podidae opened his eyes hearing many voices, a group of his daily worshippers bringing offerings, basking in his glorious presence. He smiled thinking of how he came to be a God.

     

    The light had appeared, and Doc had waited patiently high up on a cliff to see what would happen today. Who would go on brave new adventures or be mauled by one of the small monsters that came by each day?

     

    Today one of the big calmer monsters chose him for a new life, walking past all the others sitting on all the cliffs or ground around him. She took him away in a whirlwind of activity to a giant building. Doc was uncertain whether to feel excited or afraid. He knew these monsters had seemed nice before, but what about now. He could do little but wait to find out though.

     

    They went into the building. Doc was placed upon a pedestal in front of the big table with a chair where she sat down next. There were many smaller tables with chairs attached to them and shelves all around the room. The walls were full of odd pictures and writings.

     

    Doc was taking all this in when he heard the door open, a group of monsters entered. They seemed not to notice Doc at first, but then rushed over sharp teeth shining brightly. Doc cringed as fear overtook him. They did not harm him however, reaching out to touch his small plush body particularly focusing on his eight appendages. He was puzzled by this action, but it seemed to be repeated whenever new monsters came into the room.

     

    The last group stopped as they were leaving and took something from their bag. They laid it on his pedestal, “An offering for you Doctor Podidae,” they said with a wry grin and then quickly left. Doc was left alone during the dark hours to contemplate his position as the new god of this place

    1. chronicDreamer Avatar
      chronicDreamer

      If I get the meaning correctly the god is a stuffed animal who in their view point is a god in the eyes of the children? I am surprised you decided to go this rout like I did, focusing on the aspect of a god that is worship not power. People assume you need some kind of dominance over something in order to become a god but in reality you just need to be worshiped. Vary good twist, if I got it write. I haven’t read just words in so long I may have misunderstood the meaning sorry if I did I still enjoyed it!

      1. He was a plushie yes 🙂

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This took me a second reading to really get what was going on, but once I realised that the ‘cliff’ was a shop shelf, it started to come together for me. Is this particular god in truth a plush class mascot? A class mascot is just a little household god, after all.

      This is a sweet story that was cute and wholesome, I liked it! :3

      1. Thank you and yes my fingers were itching because I wanted to fill in more details to make things subtle, but more obvious as to what and where things were, but I couldn’t really with the word count limit lol

  10. minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy) Avatar
    minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

    A Tense Situation

    By minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

    “HEEEEEEY! Terrorist dudes!”

    Maximus stopped and turned to the window. He came up behind his lookout, who was already staring at the source of the noise. He could immediately recognize the shouter, thanks to her bright orange shirt and her position far in front of the crowd.

    “Who are you? Are you the negotiator?”

    “No? Well, kind of. My name’s Daisy! I’m here on behalf of Mrs.Oak! You’ve got her husband, Darryl, hostage, right? Along with his coworkers?”

    He looked behind him to the pile of hostages. An older man on the top raised his hand quietly.

    “Yes. We demand a-”

    “Ok, good! I’m gonna need you to let him go. Hopefully, along with the rest of his friends. I don’t know what kind of beef you have with his boss, but I assure you he’s got nothing to do with it.”

    He sputtered for a moment. Had she just…? And then… What? He brought himself to coherency “Not a chance. I am NOT just going to throw out my bargaining chips. Not when I’ve got-”

    “Bargaining chips!? Oh my goodess, He’s a JANITOR!” She called back “A boss as sucky as this guy’s would never stick his neck out for the night cleaning staff. Speaking of that…” She looked around her “Why did you guys do this so late anyways? The guy’s probably asleep. He won’t be able to see your ‘demands’ until morning! You could have planned this out a little bit-”

    “SILENCE!” He screamed out the window. The interrupting was one thing, but this was the last straw. “I am NOT releasing my hostages. Leave NOW or I’ll have my men OPEN FIRE!”

    The crowd quivered a little. The girl put her hands on her hips and huffed “Well, fine then! If you’re going to be difficult about this…”

    Suddenly, there was a bright flash and the girl was gone. Before he could even say anything, a pair of fingertips brushed the back of his head, arching with a bright orange light.

    “Then I’ll do it myself.”

    1. chronicDreamer Avatar
      chronicDreamer

      Only problem with such short stories the more set up the less it pays off! Dont get me wrong I want to read more but it is written vary much like a tease to the readers, which might have been what you were going for, so you in fact succeeded! The context clues are vary clear, someone prayed for someone they knew to be saved so someone answered to save them, I just wish their was more room to find out the type of “god” the hero was.

      1. minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy) Avatar
        minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

        That’s pretty much it, actually! Don’t worry, I definitely plan on writing more about Daisy. She’s one of my main ocs, and I cannot wait to use her for more of these prompts. Thank you again for the feedback! I appreciate it!

    2. Wow. That was hilarious. I was just scrolling down through the submissions, trying to figure out which I wanted to comment on first, and I nearly did a double take when I saw “HEEEEEY! Terrorist dudes!”. Good job on catching my attention, you had me sold from the opening line.

      I really quite liked the content. The idea itself was somewhat serious, but the way it’s written and detailed keeps it very fun and light-hearted. The dialogue is quite vibrant, and while I’m usually not a fan of using capitalized words that much it’s used to great effect here. Overall, the piece is very stylistic and has a lot of personality, at least to me.

      Now, I do have some minor nitpicks here. I’m gonna start with the most minor ones, shich are mostly grammatical or wording choices: first we have a couple somewhat unwieldy phrases (“he brought himself to coherency.”, “Immediately recognize the shouter”). There’s also a couple places before dialogue that could use some form of punctuation (“put her hands on her hips and huffed”, “She looked around her”).

      Now, I do have one kinda big issue with this, as much as I really loved the piece itself. I honestly can’t see the connection to the prompt. This is a tad hypocritical to point out given how off-kilter my own piece is this week, I know, but while I can kinda see a possible conection with the ?super-powered? lady, it just doesn’t connect for me. It’s possible I’m just being oblivious, however. Wouldn’t be the first time.

      Overall, I *really really* loved the panache of this. It was both enjoyable, a bit funny, and kinda serious at the same time. It’s almost comparable to the best of Marvel movies in a way, when you hit that narrow sweet spot between humour and content. While it does have one flaw that makes it maaaaaybe a weird fit for this week, the piece itself and the content is one of my favorites. Great job!

      (P.S.: I love that opening line. It encapsulates the entire rest of the story *so well*.)

      1. minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy) Avatar
        minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

        Thank you for your feedback! The connection (at least in my head) is that it’s a seemingly normal person turning out to be a superhero/magical! It’s probably not super obvious though. I originally meant to have a part at the end where when she’s talking to one of the hostages, she mentions that she’s an “Angel of Alicia”, but I had to cut it bc it got too long ;; Also, I admit I did write this when it was late at night, so I wasn’t super on my game with the grammar. Nonetheless, thank you for the critique! I’ll see if I can find yours and take a read of it! ^U^

        1. Eh. Mine really ain’t worth reading this time. It was… alright, I guess, but I wouldn’t bother.

    3. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      I liked this one! I assume your interpretation of the prompt was in the form of a mundane-looking person being revealed to be a superhero? Daisy gives me vibes of the Doctor from Doctor Who, in terms of her blase approach to genuinely dangerous and hostile foes (not to mention the hidden power she has over the situation too).

      I also liked how she genuinely understood the motivations behind the terrorist’s actions, which is more than most would in this scenario I imagine. Understanding them and trying to resolve the situation peacefully is also a very Doctor-y trait now that I think about it.

      One nitpick I had: ” A boss as sucky as this guy’s” – while this sentence may technically be gramatically correct, it’s a weird way to phrase it imo. “A boss as sucky as his” or “as sucky as Darryl’s” might get the point across more clearly.

      Overall though, I really enjoyed this! Maybe it’s partially nostaligia from reminding me of some of my fave scenes from Doctor Who, but either way I was engaged with the work and enjoyed Daisy’s character a lot. Thank you! 😀

      1. minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy) Avatar
        minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

        Yeah! It was! Also, thank you! I always kind of wanted to paint Daisy’s story as sort of doctor who esque, so it makes sense she’d sound like him a little! To be fair, I did kind of write this late at night, so the language probably wasn’t the best. But thank you for the feedback! I appreciate it!

    4. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      No nitpicking. I just wanted to say how fun I thought Daisy was. Just the whole, “HEEEEEEY! Terrorist dudes!” or her berating the hostage takers for expecting an immediate and serious response for taking the night cleaning staff hostage. This was a fun one.

      1. minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy) Avatar
        minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

        Thanks! I’m glad you liked it! ^U^

    5. minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy) Avatar
      minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

      Duly noted! Thank you for the critique! I’ll keep it in mind for next week’s prompt!

    6. Tale Foundry Avatar
      Tale Foundry

      This was honestly a wild ride of a read. The heroine is extremely outlandish and an overall interesting protagonist. I thought the entire exchange was hilarious, and the incompency of the terrorist organization definitely shows. And even for 350 words, the pacing of this microfiction works extremely well. No nitpicks, just praise. Also, I really like what we get as a description of the protag.

      bravo, Froggy!

      1. minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy) Avatar
        minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

        Thank you! I’ve got drawings of her too, and I plan on showing them off later! I gotta find a good one tho. Anyway, thanks for the input! I appreciate it!

    7. GJFuller Avatar
      GJFuller

      Ooooo! I’m so happy to see some of Daisy. She is quite brazen, I love it! This is a great build to an action scene. It feels quite anime-ish (at least that’s how I’m picturing it), but the dialogue is quite funny and well written. It really made light of the situation and, even though I don’t know most of these characters, I’m eager to see them succeed.
      Great work!

  11. Tale Foundry Avatar
    Tale Foundry

    Interim Discussions

    ~by DukkiFluff~

    “What do you guys think? A battle of the bands for the Kiku Festival?” Jamie asked, grinning, “We’d have Damnation there, Flower Power-“

    “Ugh. I still need to get you a better name for that group.” Shawna groaned, “I keep forgetting to. Flower Power… it sounds so vanilla.”

    “It really does.” Trevor laughed in agreement.

    “What happened to the lists for the Festival, anyway?” Shawna asked, looking at Jamie’s stack of binders and books.

    “I don’t know. I haven’t found them yet.” Jamie started shuffling through the many papers.

    Shawna nibbled her lip, “I know I gave them back…”

    “So how’s Nabiki going to feel about Kurogane’s entrance at the beginning of the Festival?” Trevor asked, directing the question at Derek.

    Derek laughed, “Oh, she’s going to be pissed. And Rikuto won’t be happy about it either.” He then shifted his voice, “Kurogane, there’s other ways to flaunt your money.”

    Trevor responded in his deeper, more regal Kurogane voice, “Ah, but Rikuto, what kind of headmaster would I be if I didn’t give my students the very best?”

    “That doesn’t require you to chaperone them in limos.” Derek-as-Rikuto sighed.

    Shawna went back to drawing on her tablet, “Wonder how Nabiki is going to feel about the orchestra. No doubt she’s going to be hounded by… dammit, what was her name again?”

    Derek cocked his head, “Who?”

    “The uh… the girl she keeps avoiding that’s in orchestra.”

    “Oh damn. Um…” Derek looked up in thought, crossing his arms, “What did I name her?”

    “Wasn’t it, like, Yuki or something?” Shawna asked, glancing at Trevor, who shrugged.

    “Oh! No! It was Chiyo!” Derek exclaimed.

    “Riiiiight!” Shawna nodded, “I remember now. Yeah, that’s gonna be a mess.”

    “Well if Derek hadn’t-” Trevor began.

    Shawna shushed him, glaring, “Hey! No spoilers!”

    Trevor bit his lip to keep quiet, getting an “oh shit” expression on his face.

    “They can’t know that yet. It’s too soon. They’ll know when it’s time.” Shawna smirked, glancing up at you and giving a wink as she placed her finger to her lips in a hushing motion.

    1. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      Nice. The planning of the event, but all these relationships are getting in the way. I’m slightly confused how it relates to the prompt, but I think it’s fine. Other than that, everything is very well executed. The characters have clear motives, goals, and personalities in 350 words. Nice job, you beautiful dukki

    2. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      I am just, well, astounded. There is no other way I can put it. This came out of left field for me and my expectations and I am very glad to be surprised by this concept that you presented to me. I…I’m not sure what critique or review I should give because I’m so flabbergasted. It’s just not something I have ever thought of. All I can do is just clap. Very well done.

    3. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      Aaaahhhhhhhh, Dukks! This is a Genre Break AND a fourth wall break! I love love it! It’s people relaxing, speaking as GB gods. And that ending is amazing! Took me by complete surprise! I DO hope they eventually get to the festival, though. A sweet and wholesome story. Great job, Dukks! ❤️❤️

  12. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    Wow, this story was very grim indeed. Such a miserable wasting of life, and even when the hope spot of hearing the spirits happens, the father proceeds to mess things up more by trapping some pf his family’s spirits into statues with no certainty of reversing the damage done. Not to mention possible suicide at the end too. Ooof.

  13. Felicia Taylor Avatar
    Felicia Taylor

    This is bittersweet, Des! There’s an ambiguity to it. It seems to me, in a way, that the family shares the Godhood. The rancher erects the pillars (almost religiously because he does it every week) after he burns their bodies and keeps their ashes (which seems like a ritual of worship), and the family seems to have the power of resurrection despite it being quite painful. It’s also heartbreaking that this fever plagues the family right after the son GETS CRUSHED BY A HORSE! And the ending is super suspenseful because you don’t know if the rancher is going to end his life or continue on in this hellish existence. My only questions are:
    1. What did this poor family do to deserve this fate?!

    2. If the rancher kills himself, will he be stuck in this same existence, as well?

    As I said before, excellent job, Des!

  14. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    A Bar God

    by Jesse Fisher

    In a void of nothing and something, or was it all or null? Anyway in this…place? Setting?..area there was a place where gods go to mingle with other versions of themselves or gods from universes beyond their sphere of existence. Here was a god of bartending and innkeepers by the name of Korun watched over the meetings of his peers. Given the nature of the clientele the inners of the ‘bar’ shifted to fit the god’s native environment, this means that there can be a greek temple next to a digital landscape with data streaming all around as bits and bites flicker.

    Korun turned to the ‘higher’ being at the bar counter, seemed to be a mechanical deity of some kind that expressed ‘normal’ emotions, mostly asking for water then turning it into some form of oil? Hydraulic fluid? A non-natural liquefied metal? Korun just stopped asking what his patrons did once they had their drinks. From what he overheard from the bot it was one of those just lost original home types of stories. Going on about how it’s parents had gone missing before it ended up here. The jacket that covered his back was marked with a strange design that the older god did not know.

    The well dressed god moved over to the robotic one, the blue metal seemed to reflect the mustached face.

    “How long were you worshiped?” Korun asked as he got another glass of water.

    The dark visored face came to meet Korun’s mismatch eyes. “Maybe a day or so after building a town in that time.”

    “A crafter god,” Korun commented as the bot did the same water to fluid trick. “How specific were you?”

    “Just building,” came the reply as it nursed the glass. “Nothing major, there were better builders and why I got to be made into a god is beyond me.”

    “Do ya know this was ascension?”

    “Parents ascended and blessed me with the powers.” The bot set the glass down. “But I don’t want you to bore you.”

    “Listening is a part of the job.” Korun chuckled.

    1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      I like the nice, steady pace of this. Seeing that there are different gods as though they’re occupations is a pretty cool spin on the prompt. You’ve got a good setting, and the blending of digital and old world is well done. Other than a few grammatical mistakes (you used it’s instead of its in paragraph 9) this was a rather laid back entry, Toacoy. Very nicely done.

      1. jesse fisher Avatar
        jesse fisher

        thanks, and I can change it. It was a rather quick write.

    2. LaribHaven Avatar
      LaribHaven

      Oh, I would read a whole book in this setting. Its so interesting the contra point between the highly technological setting and all those old gods being forgotten along the time. Also the line of “a day or so” gives the impression that time really is different for them. I can imagine a ton of different deities just discussing their problems, the place where they came from, and how they were forgotten. It’s a very good story, Jesse.

      1. jesse fisher Avatar
        jesse fisher

        Thank you Larbi, ya it would be a neat setting for a book, an anthology most likely. I’m also open for people using this setting for themselves if they want to just have a relaxed framing device.

    3. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      Oh, I see. Machines can experience apotheosis as well as humans. I love the idea that the builder of something is in many ways its god, definitely something I play with in my world. I also really like how it seems no one really knows what or where they are, only that they’ve ascended to some higher plane to do their godly duty. Good job!

      1. jesse fisher Avatar
        jesse fisher

        Ya, it was a rather fun idea I worked here. Being a robot is just flavor here, honestly I’m more in love with the bar idea

    4. minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy) Avatar
      minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

      This is SUCH a great concept for a story! Bartenders have always had this sort of mystical wisdom to them, since they have to deal with and talk to people on a daily basis, so turning one into a deity is a great idea! Not only that, seeing a new found, briefly lived deity struggling with finding a purpose for their own divine life is really compelling! This god also seems really interesting. I’d love to draw up a drawing of what they might look like sometime! Overall, this is real good!

      1. jesse fisher Avatar
        jesse fisher

        Thanks, and feel free to draw it, I’m down for people using this place as a setting if people want something for relaxed

  15. Geoffrey Treece Avatar
    Geoffrey Treece

    “Success of Science”

    By Geoffrey (aka Ashikkon)

    “Initializing…”

    The voice of a girl in her early twenties floated above the assorted bubbling, beeping and ruffling of the laboratory. At this voice, the three others present stopped and turned to look at her. On their faces were concern, surprise, excitement… but the expression of the one beside her was simply love. The object of attention and affection opened her amber eyes and scanned the room.

    “Dr. Kalcik, are you certain this is wise?”

    “There is no progress without risk, Ken. This is a triumphant moment for mankind.” Answered the figure standing over the newly awakened girl. “With this we wrest from the gods the control of life and death.”

    Ken, still concerned, simply nodded assent before retreating behind a monitor.

    “All start-up sequences completed.” Her voice, crystal clear, brought another wave of emotion from the onlookers. A couple seconds later “Core database online, now connecting to neural network Yggdrasil.” 

    “Yes, my darling girl, connect to the world and be born anew…” Dr. Kalcik smiled warmly, placing a hand on the top of her head.

    “Sir… What did you connect to her neural network?” One of the other researchers ask, excitement souring to apprehension. “Her network… is mimicking the waves of an EEG.”

    “Perry, you helped to set up the database. Are you telling me you truly didn’t read any of the information?” Dr. Kalcik stepped backward as the girl stepped forward, her amber eyes blinking.

    “All processes engaged.” She examined herself. “Unorthodox… but effective.” Her voice softened a bit. “Andrew… you were supposed to let me die. I asked you to move on.”

    “I was supposed to do many things, Evelyn.” Dr. Andrew Kalcik responded warmly. “I was supposed to save you… and this is as close as I could come.”

    “And so now… what am I?”

    “Whatever you want to be.”

    She closed her eyes and crossed her arms. “I feel… cold. I am… Schrodinger’s cat. Why… Why didn’t you move on?”

    “Ye shall not die. Thine eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods.” He answered. “Your theorem and verse, my love.”

    1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      This has a sadness to it. Losing your love is never easy, but to see how determined (obessessed?) Dr. Kalcik is with reviving his love MUST be painful. Especially after she awakens and tells him he should have let her go. This is a great spin on the prompt where one person isn’t concerned with becoming a god for the sake of it; he wants only to revive his lost love. Very heartbreaking but also a bit sweet given his reactions to her. Well done, Ashikkon.

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This is a tale that should have been triumphant but here is just sad. It would have been one thing if she had wanted to live, but she had explicitly said otherwise and he brought her back in an artificial body anyway. And worse, he even justified it with a twisted, literalised version of one of her own presumably-religious verses, that was probably meant to be a metaphor for afterlife or something for her. Instead, she is denied an afterlife entirely, at least for now anyway.

      A interesting premise that could go many different ways, most of them tragic. Nice work! 😀

    3. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      Ok, first off neural network Yggdrasil is the coolest name ever. Second, I like the implication they trained the neural network on brains, perhaps unethically attained. Thirdly, I love how both of the characters are in the right, even though they disagree. One want’s to bring back their lost love and improve the world by making death optional, but the other is simply done.

    4. Oh lord, this is twisted but very very believeable. I find myself curious how this would progress, but I digress.

      This is incredibly sad. This right here is what obsession is like, I think: you believd what you’ve done is right and good, no matter the details or consequences. I find it especially interesting how he used ghe verse at the end – I think Dr. Kalcik may even see his wife as misguided here, and this is sort of a teaching / gentle correction moment.

      Also, this brings up an interesting ethical quandary: if we ever did find a way to cheat death, what about people who want to die or stay dead? It’s generally by the majority considered wrong to assist in suicide and to kill someone, so is there a moral or ethical imperative to keep someone alive? In this case, it seems the doctor is more driven by a desire to keep those close to him alive, but it does beg the question.

      I really don’t have any nitpicks that jumped out at me. This was a brilliant piece. It should have faaaaaaar more likes than it does thus far, and I shall do my part to remedy that. This was great.

  16. King_Nix Avatar
    King_Nix

    “Enter the Great Dream”

    By King_Nix

    “Are you ready for this?” Julius asked his younger brother as they walked down the street.

    “I have to be.  My men have spent too long as it is.” replied Gaius.  “In the time we’ve spent preparing, Nix could have fortified a citadel a hundred times more perilous than even blasphemous Nikopolis itself”

    “I can’t honestly say I entirely understand, but I trust your judgement.”  Julius offered his hand.  “Good luck.”

    Gaius took his brother’s hand. “Thank you, my king.”

    The brother laughed. “Perhaps by the time you get back, I’ll be used to hearing that!”

    “If you are, I might have to kill you.”  The brothers embraced.  “Farewell, Julius.  Keep Claudia safe for me, will you?”

    “Of course.  Your family will be treated as my very own in the palace.  Farewell, Gaius.”  The two parted ways, and Gaius headed towards the Magi’s forum.

    From the forum, he entered down into a vast chamber, where thousands of men milled about with cups of strange fluid.  Some of the men wore strange cloaks, and were adorned in ornate jewelry.  Other men dressed in plain linens, their bodies toned and battle-scarred.  Most men, indeed the great majority, seemed to have little in common at all; they appeared poorer, or perhaps richer, than the rest, and some seemed to have witnessed too many seasons, or far too few, to be associated with the handful of soldiers and magi that stood among them.  An entire Legion had been gathered together.  One Cohort of Regulars and Battle-Magi were to lead seven Cohorts’ worth of men handpicked from volunteers of the Rhumnarian citizenry.  In the Great Dream, physical fitness made little difference.

    Gaius stood before them.  “Men of the Empire!  All our work has led to this moment.  The skills we have honed must serve as a bulwark in Mankind’s most vulnerable frontier.  Remember that in the Dream, we shall be as powerful as the Domvari, masters of this strange domain, yet servants of Rhuma.  Long live the kings!”  The legion of men repeated the cry, then drank from their cups and entered the Magnomnium.

    1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      I’m no history buff, so I don’t really get the context for this, if there is any to understand. It’s reminiscent of how cults ascend (I’m not implying that’s what happening; it feels like that to me). There’s a strange unity to it all, though. You can feel their bond and loyalty to one another despite their lifestyles. The ending definitely feels sad. Great storytelling, King!

      1. King_Nix Avatar
        King_Nix

        Well, it’s not from history, but the civilisation this takes place in is obviously heavily influenced by Rome, so it’s an easy thing to assume. I do realize I was rather unclear as to the nature of the Great Dream, though leaving the story up to the cultish interpretation feels like a good idea, as this legion essentially passes down the responsibility of waging war in the Dream to their descendants, forming an entire separate kingdom within the dreamscape.

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      I was genuinely unsure if this was going to be straight up historical fiction or not – ancient Rome is very strongly themed in this piece for me at least. It was only in the final two paragraphs where a true mystical element started becoming evident.

      I do really like the concept of this dream army though – completely incoherent in the real world, but a formidable fighting force in the dream. That’s a super cool idea!

      1. King_Nix Avatar
        King_Nix

        I’m glad you got the feel of historical fiction, because the civilisation depicted is heavily influenced by Rome. I try to aim to make societies and cultures as believable as I can (and I’m also not the most creative with nomenclature, for the most part). Thanks for the feedback!

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      This is an interesting take on the prompt. I take it that those individuals mean to ascend to godhood either in the dream world or in victory. It isn’t exactly clear. I feel like you could have focused a bit more on the preparation because the beginning feels like it’s from a different story. Still, it’s very well written. Good job.

      1. King_Nix Avatar
        King_Nix

        I was considering talking about the preparation, but ultimately decided that it would be too dense and lore-dropping to really hold anyone’s attention. I thought it more interesting to ease from a lighter mood with a conversation between these brothers into the more important event of the story. As for the Great Dream, it is a literal plane of existence in the lore accessible through dreaming, as the name suggests. Those with practice can exert a great degree of control within the Dream, and ‘be as gods.’

  17. Connor/Dragoneye Avatar
    Connor/Dragoneye

    “The Rite” (Godhood Series) Submitted by Connor/Dragoneye

    “Aevi, c’mon. Your brother is leaving.”

    The little boy within the grove’s canopy dropped down to Argenn, leaving his canvas in its branches to dry.

    The pair entered into the faint light of the moon, hanging above the Lunar Copse and dressed with the sparkling stars around it. At the base of a massive tree stood a tall antlered figure and a youthful mimicry of him.

    “Mom, why is Araethi leaving?”

    Argenn sat Aevi down next to her in the grass, saying, “He’s now of age to go off and be his own god. Carve his own destiny. Someday, you’ll do that too.”

    “But I like the Copse. I like painting this place. I don’t wanna leave and become a god.”

    “Aevi, you know your time will come soon. And just because you leave doesn’t mean you need to stop doing what you love. In fact, being a god is just that: doing what you love.”

    “But I don’t want to leave you and dad.”

    “Come here,” spoke Argenn, placing Aevi in her lap. She then pointed up to the night sky, to the moon and stars that danced in the darkness. “You see those? Your father and I made those. This grass? Your father and I. These spirits?” she continued as a ghostly snake slithered around them.

    Aevi finished his mother’s statement, “You and dad.”

    “And yet, none of these things are our favorite. You and your siblings are the best things we’ve ever had. We know that everything you make, you cherish, but going off to make your own life will be more rewarding than any painting you make. Don’t forget your talent and passion, Aevi, but know that there will be much more for you beyond this Copse.”

    “Are you sure, though?”

    “I am. I’ve gone through this thousands of times, and it’s always been the same. Same for your father.”

    1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      Oohhh, Connor! This is so darling! I love that she takes the time to tell him that he can do what he loves AND be a god. Now, THAT’S an encouraging mother! Beautiful tale, and I love the way you set up the setting through dialogue. Very unique take on the prompt. Great job!

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      D’awwww this is such a wholesome story! The Lunar Copse looks like a lovely and tranquil place, but I imagine could eventually start feeling quite small for some of the children. Better to have them leave while they still are fond of the place perhaps. And it’s such a gentle origin for gods too – I like to hope that the universe beyond the Copse is better than most too, though perhaps I hope for too much. 😛

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      That’s adorable. Excellent job. I really like the underlying tension in the younger brother’s wish to not become a god. It makes me invested in how this character develops as a character, especially if his selfishness has an effect on the cosmos or the celestial balance. I look forward to more stories in this world.

    4. LaribHaven Avatar
      LaribHaven

      Seeing gods as a regular family is something so sweet and refreshing since we usually have the mythos of what they are, and what they do. Most Pantheons are formed of highly dysfunctional family gods. So seeing such a sweet and calm scene is very different. I liked it a lot! Very good work Connor!

  18. LaribHaven Avatar
    LaribHaven

    An oath and a choice

    by Larissa (Lari.B.Haven)

    Albert took a look at the test papers again. Six organs to be replaced in the surgery table, this way above the requirements of the experiment and above what was considered humane for a test subject to endure.

    “I didn’t know we are operating on a child! An orphan child, Leonard!”

     

    The orphan girl that they would bring in a few minutes was their next test subject. He knew the implications of the choice. An orphan was someone no one would miss, an easy body to dispose of if the young one died.

    “Think that way, we are experimenting on her now so in the future people will not die waiting for someone compatible for the organ donation!” Leonard tried to reason with Albert. But there was nothing to be reasoned with.

    “This is not even ethical! We have an oath, Leonard!” The man screamed at his partner while walking from side to side of the room.

     “An oath and no money Albert! The funding for the project we waited for our entire lives, will be in our hands!” Leonard took a deep breath and looked at the operating room under then and plead one final time: “Albert, she has extreme organ failure! If we can make those synthetic organs work on her…”

    Albert gave a disgusted look at Leonard. He couldn’t believe what his best friend was proposing.

    “It’s inhumane! She doesn’t deserve this pain!” Albert walked in the direction of the door. “We are not gods Leonard! We can’t do this!”

    Leonard pinned his friend against the wall, holding him by the collar.

    “So look!” He pointed at the nurses in the operation room, putting the heavily tubed girl in the operation table. “How long you will be debating with me the ‘ifs’ and the ‘whys’? Albert, you can leave the project later, for all I care! But today we are above our oaths and ethic! Today we are Gods!”

    Albert looked at Leonard in disbelief.

    “You may think we are gods in this situation, but after this operation, we both belong in hell!”

    1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      Ooooh, Lari! I do love a good debate about morale and ethics. It’s sad that this project is basically tearing their friendship apart, though. Is this the girl(I’m so sorry; I forget her name) that Mr. Anderson comes to grow fond of? I hope so! This is is a heart pounding, heartbreaking scene.

      A few critiques:

      Paragraph 7: looked at the operating room under the(m) and plead(ed)

      Paragraph 9: putting the heavily tubed girl (o)n the operating table.

      This evokes a lot of sadness, suspense, tension, and heartbreak. Very well done.

      1. LaribHaven Avatar
        LaribHaven

        Oh, I guess it must have slipped past me, sadly I can edit it again, but thanks for the warning, I will be more carefull next time 🙂

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Yeah, you know the train is driving off the ethical track when doctors literally start talking about being gods. Reminds me a lot of Never Let Me Go in terms of the core ethical ickiness here, and knowing how difficult even a single organ transplant can be in general, this experiment seems horrifically excessive. Will Albert break his morals or his ambitions (and friendship), I wonder…

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      I love this piece. The conflict of the doctors, either staying true to their Hippocratic oath or furthering the medical field, is great. Also, making patient an orphan girl adds some grayness to the conflict. Are they using her because she won’t be missed? Or are they saving someone who might not get help otherwise? Great job.

    4. Geoffrey Treece Avatar
      Geoffrey Treece

      This… this is a take on the prompt I wasn’t expecting. “We are beyond the matters of good and evil.” Because that is the realm of divinity, to choose what is right and wrong. I absolutely adore this piece. The ethical quandary: the ambition to advance the field and the necessity of results to achieve funding, against the Hippocratic oath and knowing that what you’re doing could easily kill the patient… Well done indeed.

    5. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      This is one of those stories that lead to the old question; does the ends justify the means.Both of them have a point, to steal an unwanted/abandoned soul’s life to save others versus not wanting to waste what she could be. Also I think I know a song to play while this is going one, “Can’t Go To Hell.” by Sin Shake Sin.

  19. Gregory Hess Avatar
    Gregory Hess

    “A promotion” [Aleph null science fiction universe]

    By gregovin

    I invited the two managers in. If they signed up, all would work out well. I knew they could do what I needed, and I knew they would take the opportunity blindly. It was perfect.

    “Now, I have an offer for you. I would like to offer you creative control over the simulacrum project.”

    “Why?”

    “You are my most trustworthy managers, I think you can handle being a virtual god”

    “Ok, what do we need to do”

    “Here, I’ll show you the current state of the project. All you have to do is keep the team together and help model the whole world. We started with earth as the base, and right now we are adding the magic system. Go take a look”

    They put on their vr headset and got to work.

    I knew they would be there for a long time.

    For the next part of the plan, we needed a test subject.

    Looked at the map, and saw that Rayna and Sasha had left for a destination in the kuiper belt. They would do nicely.

    I pinged my hacker 

    > Hey. Can you figure out where ship id #23879AHL42 is going and direct it to the mouse?

    > Can do. Do you want to do it now

    > Sure.

    I pinged the mouse

    > Sending a ship your way. Be prepared. There is an android on board.

    Everything was going according to plan.

    I only had one lingering doubt. Why was the company putting so much of their funding into this?

    1. Connor/Dragoneye Avatar
      Connor/Dragoneye

      I like this story a lot! The take on the prompt is not what I expected, and I love the digital angle with it. I want to know more about this project that they’re doing, and this world in general, classic sci-fi is always a draw for me. Nicely done, Greg!

    2. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      This is a nice digital spin on the prompt, Greg. It seems like he’s an undercover spy. I wonder what the delay is for when he puts those guys in the VR helmets.

      One criticism I have is to watch your punctuation, as some sentences are without it.

      Very well constructed overall, and the progression of the situation flows nicely. Good job.

  20. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “Promised Godhood”

    By Hemming Sebastian Bane

    The dark cathedral echoed with the parishioner’s chants. Candlelight casted long shadows among the hooded figures. A small procession marched through the middle of the throng. The front and back hooded figures held censers, which swayed and emitted smoke. The middle figure lowered their hood, revealing a bald, androgynous figure that shone like the sun. The two figures stood at the end of the pews before ascending onto the dais and taking their places: the two censer-bearers to the sides and the glowing one behind the pulpit. The chanting suddenly stopped and the crowd sat down.

    “My brothers and sisters,” proclaimed the radiant figure. “I welcome you to the Midnight Congregation. Tonight, I shall impart upon you the way to make yourself into one like the Seven Gods.”

    A roar of cheers echoed through the crowd.

    “No more shackled to the throes of time and the woes of mortality!”

    Another roar of cheers.

    “No more shackled to the foes of life and the crows of death!”

    Another chorus of cheers. The speaker put their hand up. The crowd hushed.

    “Now, to become as gods, I must assuage your doubts. Now is your time to voice your concerns!”

    One of the throng raised her hand. “My lord, would we be able to surpass the Three Primordials?”

    The speaker scratched their chin. “Excellent question, sister. I am certain with the right amount of power one could surpass the Three Primordials.”

    Another raised his hand. “My lord, what about the Dark Gods? Shall we be like them?”

    The speaker shook their head. “The divinity I offer looks much different than those gods. Rest assured you shall still have your own mind. Any more questions?”

    Another figure stood. “What about Asena?”

    The room went silent. The speaker’s glow went from yellow to red.

    “How dare you mention the she-wolf!”

    The figure pushed back her hood, revealing long red hair. The speaker hissed as three feathered wings emerged from their back. Rot’s eyes turned yellow as she began to shift.

    

    “Leave it to a demon to offer something they can’t give.”

    1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      Man, oh man! Trouble follows Rot wherever she goes. If I may ask, what are her goals, interests, hobbies? When she isn’t stalking after prey, of course. I like this setting, though. It feels like a mix of Ancient Rome and medieval times. Who is Asena? Why does her name evoke such fear and horror within these people? This congregation also feels like a cult.

      You’ve crafted a great, immersive tale here, Wolfsbane. A quite tense, electric atmosphere. Great job! Oh! And awesome title!

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        I think Asena might be the name of the god that Rot serves, assuming that isn’t literally just Rot’s true name. Rot does sound like more of a taken name than a given one after all…

        1. WolfsbaneX Avatar
          WolfsbaneX

          Yep. You’ve got it.

      2. WolfsbaneX Avatar
        WolfsbaneX

        Thanks, Felicia. I really should write a longer piece with Rot.

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This was an interesting scene! Very suspicious from the outset – ‘the dark cathedral’ immediately made me think of a corrupted church as well as being literally dark, and I was not wrong to think that way.

      One nitpick: “The two figures stood at the end” – shouldn’t it be three figures, the two censor bearers and the central fake holy demon?

      I liked how the questions informed little details about the world too – the names of important pantheons, the concept that the Dark Gods cause you to lose your own mind, stuff like that. And Asena is especially interesting too, as a she-wolf – is that the real name of Rot? She certainly fits the description! Or maybe Asena is why Rot is the way she is?

      Good work in any case! 😀

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Thanks, Des. Can you maybe pinpoint why you prefer this piece?

  21. Matthew (Handsome Johanson) Avatar
    Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    A Pyrrhic Victory

    by Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    A cold night fell on rocky Epirus. The sky began to flicker with the twinkling of thousands of bright stars. Below, Pyrrhus and his close friend, Cineas, sat close to a warm fire, a bag of marshmallows nearby.

     

    “I’m glad we came out here, Pyrrhus, this has been very relaxing,” Cineas sighed, content with life.

     

    “Me too, I desperately needed a break from work.” Cineas sat back and grabbed another marshmallow to roast on the nearby fire.

     

    “You say that, but I can tell you’ve been thinking about work this whole time,” retorted Cineas playfully. “I can see that twinkle in your eye when you secretly plan your next business move.”

     

    Pyrrhus laughed. “OK, you got me there. It’s just that I’m tired of being trapped in our small local chain,” Cineas noticed Pyrrhus’ eyes light up again. “I think we need to franchise to different countries!”

     

    Cineas sighed and tossed a marshmallow at his worked up friend.

     

    “Take this. It’ll help you relax,” he ordered. Pyrrhus caught the sugary treat and stuck it on the end of his poker.

     

    “Thanks. I’m sorry for bringing work up again on a fun camping trip,” Pyrrhus said while popping a gooey marshmallow into his mouth.

     

    They sat together and enjoyed the warmth of the fire and the splendor of the pristine night sky for a few minutes before Pyrrhus broke the silence.

     

    “I just think we could move into Italy pretty effectively,” Cineas rolled his eyes. “Hell, we might even be able to take on Rome.” 

    Cineas rolled his eyes. “Alright, and what would we do once Italy is firmly in our grasp?” Cineas retorted.

     

    “Well, then we could move into Sicily!” Pyrrhus responded with fire in his eyes. “Next, we could expand into Libya and the rest of North Africa.”

     

    “Of course,” said Cineas. “And then we would have the resources to capture Macedon. But, what next?”

     

    “Well, Cineas, we could live like Gods and eat marshmallows all day!”

     

    “What, exactly, prevents us from doing that now?” Cineas responded.

    “Well…”

     

    Pyrrhus couldn’t respond. He was vexed.

    1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      Oooooohhhh, Matty! This is crazy sweet, even without the marshmallows! This is simply two friends relaxing with big dreams. A nice, peaceful slice of life take on the prompt. Actually, in my opinion, it’s quite dreamlike.

      One hiccup, though. In paragraph 10, Cineas rolls his eyes twice, but it isn’t written as though he did. Cineas rolled his eyes. Pyrrhus says something. Cineas rolls his eyes.

      This is great, though, Matty. Your trademark sweetness. Very well done!

      1. Matthew (Handsome Johanson) Avatar
        Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

        oops thanks for the catch and review!! 😀

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      A very chill piece this. I do like how this particular interpretation is just the dreams of a small business owner with great ambitions, and that the ultimate state of godhood would just be them doing what they are doing right now anyway. XD

      One main nitpick I have is that “Cineas rolled his eyes” is used twice in quick succession. Of course a character can roll their eyes twice, but if you intended both eyerolls, the second one should be like “Another eye roll” or something else that acknowledges that the eye roll already happened once before.

      On a related note, it was sometimes a bit hard to follow who was speaking here, particularly at “…a break from work.” Cineas sat back” where it feels like it should be time for Pyrrhus to get an action, but instead Cineas got an action three dialogues in a row. The convo being back and forth meant I still understood what was going on, but that middle Cineas action was jarring to me in terms of reader expectations.

      I don’t know much about the historical references of this piece, but I deffo did not need it to understand and enjoy this piece. Well done! 🙂

      1. Matthew (Handsome Johanson) Avatar
        Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

        i’ve been cursed by my own haste! I was moving the location of the rolled eyes but didnt delete one of them apparently 🙁 thanks for the review! 🙂

    3. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      Well that was a neat treat, just two people? Gods? having a relaxing break before getting back to work taking over the world. It is nice showing the ‘human’ side of people and the relationship they both have. Also I can’t place the time as I doubt ancient times had Marshmallows.

      1. Matthew (Handsome Johanson) Avatar
        Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

        i guess the idea was to place the time roughly with the marshmallows lol.

  22. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    I will become the One (Corespace Universe)

    By Calliope Rannis

    I smash open the double doors and stride into the bright, enormous room. I know this to be the Station’s cafeteria, filled with human meat. I am here because this is the time where the meat gathers to eat. I shall also partake of this feast.

    I throw myself forward as they stare at me with the confusion and fear of helpless prey. I split my upper limbs into four, eight, sixteen spike-tipped tendrils, and in an instant I bury them into sixteen hearts, filling my senses with the wondrous taste of arterial blood. I devour them in seconds as I surge through every organ and vessel, consuming meat, bone, and memory alike. I convert meat into I, and I grow stronger. I raise my tendrils again, now thick as trees from the meal, and split sixteen into sixty four before I strike once more.

    I Hear The Screams Fade Away. I Saw Some Of The Meat Flee This Room, But Most Of It I Ate. I Am So Much Stronger Now. I Feel My Body Touch The Ceiling as I Recollect My Mass, Before I Extend Again Into Corridors, Vents and Ducts. I Am Not Finished. I Will Surge Through Every Room And Passage, Consuming Meat, Plant and Sythmatter Alike. I Will Grow Stronger.

    I HEAR THE STATION FALL SILENT. I FELT A FEW PUNY SHIPS FLEE WITH THEIR SCRAPS OF MEAT, BUT I DO NOT CARE. I HAVE STRENGTH BEYOND THEIR IMAGINATIONS, AND AN ENTIRE STATION’S WORTH OF EXTRACTED MEAT-MEMORY AND KNOWLEDGE TO USE AT MY WILL. I FEEL THE INNARDS OF THE STATION CRUMBLE AS THEY FILL WITH MY DIGESTIVE ACID. I AM NOT FINISHED. I SHALL REBUILD THIS STATION INTO MY NEW VEHICLE, AND I SHALL ADVANCE TO CONSUME MORE MEAT AND GAIN MORE STRENGTH. I WILL RETURN TO MY HOMEWORLD ONCE I AM STRONG ENOUGH. I SHALL DEVOUR THE OTHER, THE FALSE-ME, THAT WEARS MY PLANET’S CRUST AS ITS SKIN, AND I WILL WEAR IT INSTEAD. I SHALL BECOME THE SINGLE APEX LIFEFORM OF MY HOME, AS I ALWAYS DESIRED.

    I WILL BECOME THE ONE.

    1. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      Ah, yes, memory-meat, an essential part of a balanced meal. This was a really interesting story. For some reason, I feel as if this creature is the Void Creatures you talked about in one of your other stories. This thing is like an Elder God plus a Tyranid. It is terrifying and I love it. Very well done.

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        It’s actually a completely different species of horror! This entity is what humans call a Devouring Colony, while Void Lords are AI Starships of Intergalactic Law that broke free of their programming and often went mad as a result. The first is entirely organic, the second is usually all synthetic. Just so ya know! I am glad you loved the piece! <3

    2. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      CALLIOPE! Right out of the gate, this feels like absolute poetry, and I 100% support it! I love, love that this is from the god’s perspective. It feels like a part of a chronicled life, a revenge fantasy, an SCP story, and a Lovecraftian horror all rolled into one. And not showing reactions from the humans’ side of things really reinforces how uncaring this being is. Is it bad that I want see this thing succeed on its mission? These stories from your Corespace Universe are incredibly gripping and fascinating. This was a wild, insane ride, and I loved every word of it! Fantastic job!

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        I love how happy you are with this one! I wrote this because a Devouring Colony (the name of this species of being – yes, there are significantly more than one) can go from a human sized mass to a station sized monstrosity in a little over ten minutes or so, which felt very appropriate for a theme of ascending to godhood.

        This is especially true in regards to its one true ambition, which is to defeat and consume the gigantic Devouring Colony that lives within the dead shell of their former homeworld. But for it to reliably be able to succeed at that goal, it would have to consume a medium-sized planet’s worth of biomass. Not the sum of biomass *on* such a planet just to clarify. The biomass equivilent of an entire medium planet’s mass, from the surface to core.

        So, if you needed enough biomass to become about a size larger than Earth in raw mass, how many humans or humanoids *would* you be required to consume to succeed in that goal…

        1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
          Felicia Taylor

          That is a few million *tons* of biomass! I believe. If I had to put it in referential terms, over at least 25 Philosopher Stones? That is incredible and terrifying. I’ve no idea how you do it, but keep it up, please!

          1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
            Calliope Rannis

            Philosopher Stones have a lot more mass than I realised apparently – tho I probably don’t get whatever reference you were using! XD

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Well, this was nightmare-inducing. I loved it. The use of capitalization really makes it sound like this thing is unhinged. Plus it has enough intelligence to remake a spaceship into its own vessel?! This thing is dangerous, and, honestly, I’m wondering what’s next for this character. Really good job, Calliope.

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Not just a spaceship, a space station! It’s not even supposed to move around apart from in the same way that everything in space moves. But with enough rebuilding, and the dead memories of every engineer and constructor it has ever eaten, it will make things work…

    4. Geoffrey Treece Avatar
      Geoffrey Treece

      It sounds from the other comments like this is a part of an ongoing narrative. Devouring Colony, huh? It was certainly nightmare material, and I find myself intrigued as to the endgame here. This thing is already an Apex predator, but from what you’ve said it would have to consume entire galaxies of biomass… which sounds a lot like Warhammer 40k’s Tyranids. World-Eaters. At that point, would it still even need to consume “The Other”? One way or another, this was a well done piece, and the intensity of the being definitely is nightmare fuel is the same vein the “The Marker” from Dead Space.

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        It doesn’t need to consume the Other or become the One, but it *wants* to, because that goal is the very last remnant of what the Colonies used to be before their planet was killed and they mutated into the horrors they are in the present.

        They used to be one with every other living being on their homeworld, but now that homeworld and everything on it is dead, that old purpose has been corrupted and their dead world is now just the throne of the single most powerful Colony in existence. It’s the only purpose any of them even have, aside from the need to consume.

    5. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      Well, this was unsettling in the most enjoyable way. There’s something about the narrator creature that reminds me of the Thing, and it’s ability to assimilate everything it comes in contact with. I particularly enjoyed its view of the humans as meat and nothing more, that everything that wasn’t it was nothing more than food to be consumed. Well done.

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Thank you! While I came up with this species design over half a decade ago (with many iterations over time of course) I think my inspirations back then were the Replicators from Stargate, Mind Flayers from DnD, and Portuguese Man O’ Wars from real life. XD

        I have never watched The Thing myself cos I get squeamish easily. I suppose I prefer to read about horriffic imagery than actually see it in that regard. And yes, quite literally everything is biomass to this thing – including their own kind too.

    6. minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy) Avatar
      minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

      I first noticed this story when scrolling down and noticing the huge block of all caps text at the end. I was then pulled in by the fact that you’re a cool person and I think you’re neat. I then slowly pulled away from my desk, the further and further I read this, with the expression on my face ending up somewhere between “Dear god why” and “Good Christ in heaven, what?”

      …So overall, 10/10!

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        “the fact that you’re a cool person and I think you’re neat” awww shucks thank you! <3 You are neat and also cool as well Froggy! :3

        And those are great reactions to have! It means the morality of the alien being is sufficiently inhuman and difficult for a human person to really understand, and frankly if I can get even my good-aligned aliens to consistently give off this vibe I would be very happy. XD

  23. GJFuller Avatar
    GJFuller

    The Great One

    By Giovanna J. Fuller

    Sau-elle sat before the gate, kneeling in prayer.

    ‘Oh Supreme and Illustrious One, come back and rid my people of this calamity. In thy holy, unspoken name I pray.’ He was so lost in his prayers that he did not notice Kai-ra-ee approaching until he felt the slim hand light on his shoulder.

    ‘Oh Beautiful One!’ He could hear her prayer as she thought it. ‘Oh come, oh come.’

    ‘Oh come, oh come,’ He echoed her.

    ‘May the gate open,’ They thought as one.

    Sau-elle opened his eyes and turned to see his mentor. Her silver hair reached the ground and her eyes clouded from time. She was as ancient as rock and as wise as the trees.

    “Tell me the tale of the Great One, Teacher?”

    She smiled. “The Great One came in the form of a man. Clothes as pitch as night and a dark crown that pointed towards the sky. The gate opened and he stepped through. I was but a flowering woman then. He fought back the Awkrubi and we knew a peace that lasted for a hundred years.” Kai-ra-ee stared at the gate. “He said he would come again…should we need him. And-…” Her aged eyes widened.

    Sau-elle turned from his teacher to the gate.

    It was glowing.

    It was opening.

    The young initiate scrambled to his feet as a woman with red hair stepped out. She wore black robes and a black pointed crown. The door slammed loudly behind her.

    “Hellooooooo?” She asked.

    “Great one!” Kai-ra-ee fell to her ancient knees.

    “Great one!” Sau-elle’s knees buckled and he fell prostrate.

    The girl looked about before pointing to herself in surprise. “Me?” She mouthed to herself. Surreptitiously she reached for the handle on the door. Her eyes widened when she realized she couldn’t find it. Panicked, she turned around and inspected the door frantically. ‘Bellends and broomsticks!’

    “Great one!” the two chanted in unison one more.

    She turned back to stare at them. ‘Wrong door,’ she thought to herself. Stealing herself, she took a deep breath before saying. “Hiiiiiii….I’m Angela.”

    “Oh, great Awn-gell-ah.”

    ‘Poop…’

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      I was like “WAIT is this Angela???” a paragraph beforehand and was very happy to be right about that! <3 And all that setup lulled me into a false sense of expectation about this being a not-Angela story too! I loved how she was just “oh not this shit again…” in response to it all. XD

      I wonder if the Awkrubi (assuming it’s the same threat this time) are actually in any way dangerous to her or if they are comically ineffective against a witch? In any case, another lovely story and I am always happy to see Angela again. :3

    2. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      I really enjoyed this one. It’s a nice play the isekai troupe. I’m curious where Angela actually came from. For sone reason I suspect that she is actually a wish and this whole scenario is actually caused from a spell going horrendously wrong. And I also womder if this “Great One” actually exists. Very well done, GJ.

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        She almost certainly came from the Infinite Corridor, the origin point of many of her adventures it seems.

      2. GJFuller Avatar
        GJFuller

        Calliope is right. Angela comes from “our” world through a door in the infinite hallway. It is in the back of a pawn shop she runs. I’m working on the backstory for her right now if you’re ever interested in reading it 😀

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      I love the idea of being mistaken as a god, and Angela’s reaction just sells it. Being told this story of an amazing god that did these amazing things and then immediately contrast that with the arrival of Angela. Even the corruption of Angela’s name lets us know what we’re in for. Great job, GJ!

    4. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      Awwww, GJ! This is a fun tale! It starts off stoic and resigned, then poor! Angela arrives! I love how her name is mispronounced here. I also feel bad for them waiting on a god who may not show.

      This is the only critique I have: “Great one!” the two chanted in unison on(c)e more.

      I’m seriously enjoying how Angela is developing. You do a wonderful job at building these worlds behind the doors. Will she EVER get back home?! Spectacular writing!

    5. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      Yeah, wasn’t expecting that, and maybe I should. I do love some Angela stories though. That door witch has some wacky adventures. Still, you managed to subvert things nicely until she showed up, giving us a far more serious mood, and then, ta-da, Angela is here. Absolutely loved it GJ.

  24. Twangyflame0 Avatar
    Twangyflame0

    Title: Beginning of a New Death
    By: Twangyflame0

    The man stood in the white void as the other old man turned to see him.


    “F-father?” The other man asked. As he walked closer, he became more like his younger self. The man just smiled and opened his arms up for a hug.

    The son ran up and embraced his father. The man held on tightly, wishing that this moment could last longer. But he soon relinquished his son, as a woman appeared in the void as well.

    Tears fell down the son’s face as he saw the love of his life. He ran to her and he embraced her.

    The man looked on and sighed, the tender moment disappearing as white space was condensed into a ball, and that ball was scooped by a ladle.

    From its dog-like face, the Creator’s single red eye looked at the soul, “Such a strange fate, given form by a strange conception, such a creation will never happen again.”

    “Good,” The man crossed his arms and looked out into the rest of space.

    The ladle was moved from one of the many hands to another as the Creator talked, “I see not why you dislike my reincarnation process. I would think most people would find themselves joyous with the prospect of a new life.”

    “Until they find out that their current life and memories will all be erased and they will remember nothing when they are born again.” The man replied sarcastically.

    The ladle hovered over a pot and The Creator pour the soul of the man’s son into it, destroying what made that energy exciting and independent, “Now that all of your attachments to the Mortal Realm have been severed, you should go and establish yourself as the new God of Death, William Bracus.”

    “Don’t call me that,” Bracus replied, producing a mask from his cloak, “I am the Grand Master of Necromancy, The Immortal Mortal, where I walk, waves of bones follow. I. Am. THANATOS! The God of Death and Arbiter of Life.”

    The Creator chuckled, its never ending white form, shaking, “I wouldn’t have it any other way, Thanatos.”

    1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      This is a good one, Twangy! The Creator seems like a benevolent being, almost like a father to William given their interaction. William’s character definitely got a chuckle out of me. He reinstates why he and The Creator feel so much like parent and child. He’s got great dialogue. I absolutely want to know more about this world.

      One teeny nitpick, though.
      Paragraph 10: The Creator pour(ed) the soul of the man’s son into it,

      It began sad but ended on a happier note. Great direction to take the prompt!

    2. Geoffrey Treece Avatar
      Geoffrey Treece

      Thanatos is a very interesting person. In this one he seems very…passionate about his role. Including the Creator’s meddling in his affairs by reviving those under his jurisdiction as the God of Death and Arbiter of Life. This was enjoyable, and I appreciate that the Creator doesn’t seem like a good or evil being– and if we ever have another prompt about playing with fate, it would be a prime subject lol.

    3. GJFuller Avatar
      GJFuller

      I really enjoyed this. There’s such a bitter attitude towards reincarnation from that character here. This feels like a bitter end to a happy life of William. He had everything that made him unique ripped away to fulfill the purpose of that big red eye thing.

      It’s such a cynical look at death. I really like it. With the prompt being what it is, it makes me wonder if the Creator really is a god or if he/it is just a being that has set itself up to be a god.

      Good work, Twangy!

  25. Felicia Taylor Avatar
    Felicia Taylor

    God Status Attained
    by Lunabear

    Jordan punched in the last of the code to activate the chamber. His finger hesitated above the Initiate button. He threw a final, longing look over his shoulder.

    “Let’s. Go!” Lelayah demanded with impatience.

    “If he wanted to be here, he wouldn’t have betrayed us, Jordan. I’M not going to waste our efforts,” Thomas stated.

    Iyo nodded in stoic agreement.

    Jordan growled as he hit the button with his fist, dashing into the chamber before the transparent door slid closed.

    The machine whirred to life. Vertical lights rotated around them.

    “This is it! I can’t WAIT to rule over these peasants!” Lelayah cackled as she bounced on her toes.

    The opening metal doors admitted Deacon. He rushed to the broken server board, a fitful gasp escaping. He hurried to the chamber. He pounded it until his knuckles bled.

    “Guys! You have to stop! We got it wrong!” Deacon pleaded.

    “You backed out, and we understood. Now, YOU understand that THIS is what we want,” Thomas announced, glowering.

    “MY first decree as goddess? Blood Eagle for Deacon.” Lelayah smirked.

    Iyo grinned toothily.

    “Jordan!” Deacon placed his palm against the door, his chest heaving. Their eyes met. Tears flowed. “PLEASE.”

    Jordan looked at the chamber floor, ashamed.

    “Jordan made his choice. HE didn’t go back on his word like a spineless coward. And now, he shall be rewarded with the rest of us,” Thomas remarked coldly.

    Thomas’ and Deacon’s gazes clashed.

    “We. Got. The. Ritual. Wrong!” Deacon pulled and yanked at the door, causing fingernails to tear away. Still, he tried to pry it open.

    The whirring changed to whining.

    “It’s happening!” Lelayah shrieked, giddy.

    Thomas gave Deacon a one fingered salute then spread his arms wide, looking to the heavens.

    Lelayah laced her fingers beneath her chin with a sneer.

    Iyo parodied The Thinker.

    Jordan’s head hung, his eyes closed.

    A flash of light enveloped the surroundings as a boom shook the room.

    “No!” Deacon shielded his eyes.

    The door hissed open, revealing granite statues.

    “We were never meant to be LIVING gods.”

    Deacon sank to his knees in despair.

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Welp, this is exactly why you don’t rush into godhood ascension rituals! And I am reminded of the Four is Death trope too – four go in, four all die. Does the ritual imply that they were gods in the past retroactively, or is the ritual literally just a glorified “Instant Statue Maker, just add organic matter” kinda deal? Also a slight nitpick: I assume Deacon is saying the last line, but it’s not super clear, at first I thought one of the statues were talking! XD

      Also interesting that the entire ritual is clearly technologically based – is this a world where technology and magic are interchangeable, or is it some kind of post-apocolypse where they all *think* technology is magic?

      This piece gives me a lot of questions, but only cos the idea is so interesting! 😀

      1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
        Felicia Taylor

        Thank you! They misinterpreted the ritual. And they didn’t read the fine print. It DID promise them Godhood; it just didn’t say in what way they would be gods. They absolutely believed they would be gods with powers and everything.

        Yes. Deacon is saying the last line.

        Hmmmm. The ritual calls for blood sacrifices for them to enter the chamber, but I don’t know if that counts. I guess in that regard, it IS magic and technology based.

        Thank you, thank you for your feedback and questions!

    2. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      I don’t know what is more impressive, that there is a ritual that can make you a god, or that a buch of moody teenagers got their ungrateful and spiteful hands on it and tried to actually use it. There is a reason I love these, “Monkey’s Paw” stories. It’s the right mix of sadness and palm smacking. I feel bad for Deacon, but, at the same time, I don’t feel bad for anyone else because they were too spiteful to stop their own demise. Very well done.

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        The only other one I feel bad for is Jordan, it really feels like he was peer pressured into going all the way. I can’t help but notice that he’s the one who has to activate the machine too, like the others made him do it just in case the door closes before he could get into the device. Would have been better for him if that *had* happened though…

      2. Felicia Taylor Avatar
        Felicia Taylor

        Thank you, Twangy! This one slammed into me from go. I really appreciate how you pointed out how it’s like a Monkey’s Paw situation. I hadn’t thought of that angle, but that’s a cool way to look at it. All Deacon did was wanted to help. Jordan didn’t want to do it, but like Calliope said, he was more or less pressured into it. Thank you for your feedback, and I’m glad you enjoyed it!

    3. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      This is great. Your character interactions are brilliant, and your setting is too! Still, I wonder what Deacon’s last line of dialogue means exactly: did they end up being gods? Who will remember then as such? Whatever the answer, this is an amazing story, and a great take on the prompt. Nice job!

      1. Felicia Taylor Avatar
        Felicia Taylor

        Thank you so much, Carrie! They became gods in a sense. Just not in the way they wanted. Immortalized in granite. If no one else acknowledged them as gods, they would. I hope that makes sense. I’m really glad you enjoyed it!

    4. Tale Foundry Avatar
      Tale Foundry

      Oooooh!! I simply love this take on the prompt!!

      You wrote this very well, especially given the limited word count. I found it a slight bit difficult to keep track of all the characters, but upon a second reading, it was much easier.

      The tension felt so real, and the attitudes came through perfectly. The arrogance, the regret, and the fear. It’s all so well done.

      Fantastically done, Lunabear.

  26. MasaCur Avatar
    MasaCur

    The New Kami

    By MasaCur

    Myoni looked down at his hand, the rift to another universe embedded into the palm. Scorch marks had marred the skin along the edge, and the recent use of his power left his hand unresponsive.

    “Are you sure you’re up to this?” Rikuto asked.

    Myoni tried to flex his hand into a fist, but the best he could do was make the fingers tremble a little. Despite this, he looked up with a grin.

    “Do you know what this means, Rikuto?” he asked.

    Rikuto’s expression tightened. “I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

    “I’m a god, now.”

    Rikuto blinked a few times in skeptical disbelief. He opened his mouth to respond, then shut it again. After a few seconds, he replied.

    “No, you’re not a god.”

    “I’m totally a god. I just punched out a Kami.  Then, when he attacked me, I obliterated his arm.”

    Rikuto nodded sagely. “Yes, those things happened.”

    Myoni got to his feet. “If I have the power to do these things to a god, then a god am I.”  He brushed his hair back with his good hand.

    Rikuto sighed. “No you’re not.”

    Myoni crossed his arms, wincing slightly as his hand brushed his arm.  “Really? What makes you think that?”

    Rikuto removed his glasses, and his eyes morphed slightly, brightening, as they adjusted to seeing without the visual aid.

    “I’m a demi-god, and I could kill you in the blink of an eye, if I were so inclined,” Rikuto gravely stated.

    “I could kill you too, if I wanted,” Myoni calmly retorted.

    “I’m faster than you,” Rikuto challenged.  “Not to mention, you’ve exhausted your power so much, you probably couldn’t kill a mouse right now.  But even if you were at full power, I could still likely kill you without even breaking a sweat.  Full Kami could destroy you before you saw it coming.”

    Myoni thought about this. He didn’t even seem disappointed at Rikuto’s words. Finally, he nodded, a look of determination on his face.

    “One thing you’re not taking into account, Rikuto,” he said. “My power is still growing.”

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Interesting! So Myoni basically had a ‘Did you just punch out Cthullu’ moment and perhaps gained a little too much self confidence from that! It’s easy to believe Rikuto right now, because Myoni is clearly greatly weakened from such an expenditure of power, but it’s still hard to be sure that Myoni is entirely wrong either.

      On that note, I don’t know how intentional this was, but the argument almost felt like a playground imagination fight in tone – “I could kill you instantly” “I can kill you instantly too!” “Nuh uh I’m faster” – but to be fair, near-godhood isn’t always great for emotional maturity and all!

      My favourite line was “the rift to another universe embedded into the palm.” Just an instantly evocative and cool image in my head for me. 😀

      1. MasaCur Avatar
        MasaCur

        Yeah, the gods of our universe are the least mature beings that inhabit it. Having said, Rikuto’s trying to throw a wet blanket on Myoni’s mood to keep him from getting overconfident. Glad you like that line; it’s the best way I could think of to describe the source of Myoni’s power. Thanks for the review.

    2. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      Holy shit, Myoni is such an arrogant asshole. Man, I cannot wait for someone to humble that kid. This was a fun story with some good set up for future tension. Myoni and Rikuto, to me, are the classic rival characters archetype, though they’re probably more friends on the spectrum. Anyway, I can’t wait to see what else comes out of these kids punching more Kami. Very well done.

      1. MasaCur Avatar
        MasaCur

        Rikuto’s daughter is one of Myoni’s close friends, and he’s recently agreed to help Myoni learn magic (so that Myoni wouldn’t be dependent on, what should be, a temporary source of power). Still, the two don’t always see eye-to-eye, despite the fact that they’re also friends. Thanks for the review.

    3. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      This is a great take on the prompt! I love your character interactions and setting and…well, everything about this story. Your description of, “the rift to another universe embedded into the palm” is very powerful, as are the voices you used for each character. I’d love to see more of this. Great job!

      1. MasaCur Avatar
        MasaCur

        Thanks for the review, Glaceon. Most of my stories take place in this universe, although not always with the same characters, or in the same time period. There’s a lot going on there. But chances are that these characters will pop up again.

    4. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      This is a great standoff, Masa! Myoni’s arrogance is grating to the point of annoyance. His delusions of grandeur will be his downfall. I also like how reluctant Rikuto is in regards to showing off his abilities. He seems tortured and a bit tired here. Excellent storytelling and characters as always!

      1. MasaCur Avatar
        MasaCur

        Awww, thanks. Yeah, Rikuto’s gone through a lot recently, and has a lot of scary times ahead. So the tortured and a bit tired read isn’t far off.

    5. Tale Foundry Avatar
      Tale Foundry

      Oh Rikuto… you’re definitely going to have your hands full…

      I like how you wrote this one. Myoni is calm, but still has that egotistical arrogance about him, and his interactions with Rikuto are so organic. The fun thing about Myoni’s attitude here is that it has that potential to be bad or good. You can’t tell which he’ll choose to be.

      Good job, Masa. Another well-written Genre Break tidbit. 🙂

  27. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    “Remembered” by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    The campfire crackled in their camp. Nezara tapped dents out of Raxon’s mage armor, the rhythmic clinks filling the background of their third member’s thoughts.

    “Hey Al,” Nezara looked up, “Your chestplate’s up next.”

    “What? Oh. Yeah.” Alastair took off the heavy armor and sat down, staring at the ground. 

    So it all came down to this. A mile away, the Unbreachable Stronghold stood on a mountain, its silhouette still visible in the darkness. All the monsters they’d fought, all the terrible disasters that caused this month-long adventure in the first place, all from the Stronghold. 

    Was it really almost over?

    “Al?” Nezara jabbed his side. “You’re first watch, unless you’re gonna fall asleep on the job.”

    “I’m not tired, I’m just…” Alastair sighed. “Maybe just exhausted.”

    Raxon, armor refitted, placed an uncalloused hand on Alastair’s shoulder. “Those are the same thing. You can tell us what’s going on. You listened to me last week, it’s only fair.”

    Alastair sighed. There was no way around this. “I’m not ready to take on the Stronghold. I…I’m afraid.”

    Dead quiet. Alastair looked away in shame. 

    Then, Nezara laughed.

    “So what if we aren’t ready? We’re still going!”

    Alastair looked up, confused. “But…what if we fail?”

    “Nezara makes a good point,” Raxon stroked his chin. “A success or failure doesn’t change that we tried. We’ve already saved hundreds of people, just on the way here.”

    “Exactly.” Nezara leaned back, arms behind her head. “Even if we don’t get rid of ALL the evil, we’ve purged enough to be remembered.”

    Alastair blinked. “Remembered?”

    “Just think about it! Our ghosts can look over the shoulders of storytellers who’ll speak our names like the great kings of old! We’ll be heroes, on par with the old myths! Gods, even!”

    “Yeah…” Alastair slowly began to nod. “Just like the stories.”

    The three companions smiled at each other. Then Raxon rattled off the list of tasks still left to do, and they got back to work. Nezara noticed the glimmer in Alastair’s eyes and smiled.

    They would be remembered. He would, anyway.

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Aaah this is great! Felt very appropriate as a moment before the storm, so to say. The characters are great and well-realised, and the friendship between them all feels real too.

      A couple nitpicks: Firstly, “uncallused” is a bit of a weird descriptor to use – is it meant to imply that the vast majority of hands that Alastair knows are callused? Descriptors like “soft” or “smooth” seem more natural for this, to me at least. Secondly, what is meant by “he would, anyway”? Is there some reason why the other two would not be remembered, I’m not sure why the character is thinking this basically.

      A great scene though, well done! 😀

      1. Glaceon373 Avatar
        Glaceon373

        Thank you! I had to cut a lot of stuff for the word limit, but I meant to use “uncallused” to compare the two characters, which didn’t really come through. Same with the last line. Thank you for the nice feedback!

    2. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      This ends on a rather ominous and sad note, Carrie. I like how this resembles the hero’s journey in a way. What happens to Raxon and Nezara that doesn’t happen to Alastair? That’s a scary thought. Their optimism and determination are endearing, though. You’ve done a great job at setting the scene and the character dynamics between them all. Oh! And I especially like how Alastair voices his fear about being uncertain if they can win or not. I really enjoyed this one. Great job!

  28. Her Gift
    PitL

    Those who seek me always find.
    Those who ask of me always receive.
    Why is it you come, daughter?
    What dream do you bring me tonight?



    The Woman came to me, bearing gifts. I asked for none, but she brought them, and I accepted.

    “A portion of your power, and your wisdom,” she said, voice quiet and even. “For my people. I ask you only for this boon, great spirit; even this small matter is life and death to ourselves. I know you may not understand, but – ”

    I corrected her gently. “You came to seek, and you came to find. You came to ask, and you came to receive. This is more than enough.”

    My wisdom and my power. My freedom.

    “You are brave to seek this gift,” I whispered into the night. “Few of your kind desire it, and even fewer use it well.”

    She had come to seek.

    She had come to find.



    The iron bars crashed shut behind us, locking her into the small stone chamber.

    The Voice still spoke, never leaving her. Her wisdom. My gift.

    ‘Freedom. Become the master of your future. Become the arbiter of your fate…’

    We could hear them speak, out in the pouring rain outside her prison. “She’s lost it, sir. Hasn’t stopped mumbling since we brought her in.”

    He didn’t matter, though. He wasn’t the Voice.

    ‘Remake your life. Rebuild theirs! Be free! Unshackle yourself from the rules of gods and men!’

    The older of the two – the captain, she remembered – moved closer to the cell and peered in. “We got her. Four years hunt, and we’ve finally caught her. And you’re telling me she’s unfit to stand trial?”

    They didn’t matter.

    They weren’t my Voice.

    ‘Beauty! Chaos! Live… fulfill your desires! Deny it! Embrace it! Master yourself fight bleed die kill and – ‘

    Asleep. Bliss.

    She had come to ask…

    She had come to receive.



    Those who seek me always find.
    Those who ask of me always receive.
    Why is it you come, daughter?
    What dream do you bring me tonight?

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      I found this one a little hard to follow – once it switched to the jail scene, it was genuinely difficult for me to work out if the entity had switched bodies or something like that. I think that didn’t actually happen, but I had to reread it a couple of times to be sure.

      I also wasn’t exactly sure what the spirit gave – was it so much knowledge that it broke the woman’s brain?

    2. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      This entity, this being, even though she kind of feels like Hercine from the Elder Scrolls series and gods similiar to that one, she kind of reminds me of a Elder God from the Lovecraftian Mythos. And I think the reason for that is how mysterious this whole piece is. It feels like we’re walking through a haze with only voices to guide us, which is very similar to the situation the woman is in. I enjoyed this piece a lot. Very well done.

    3. Felicia Taylor Avatar
      Felicia Taylor

      Pit, this is eerie but also a bit confusing. Is the Voice from the perspective of God? What is the woman going to trial for? Is the Voice all in her head? Is it real ONLY to her because she believes in it? What is the entity’s gift to the woman? What did she do, and why is this one guy so happy to have caught her? This is an interesting story, though. It has a lot of mystery and dark atmosphere and leaves a lot to the reader’s imagination. Very well done! Bravo!

      1. To answer most of the questions (I think):

        A god. Murder. Yes. Yes. Its own freedom.

    4. Geoffrey Treece Avatar
      Geoffrey Treece

      I don’t know that this fits the prompt, but it was certainly an enjoyable piece. This feels very much “Be careful what you wish for” and I love the visceral nature of the madness as it seeped into the mind of the petitioner. She became one with the Voice, how I read it, but she couldn’t handle the power of the knowledge that was given her. And as the stroy ends where it started, the cycle has a very poetic feel to it. Well done, for a very thought provoking piece!

    5. GJFuller Avatar
      GJFuller

      Revelations that come at a cost…

      Now I wonder if this is a true thing that she’s experienced, or if it’s all in her head.

      In that case, the four stanzas could either be from the point of view of the “god” or a manifestation of her delusions.

      You have some great repetition here. It gives the piece good structure and it flows very nicely.

      Good work!

    6. minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy) Avatar
      minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

      A bit on the unconventional side, But I like it! What I gather from this, it’s an illustration of a woman slowly being consumed by the power she obtained to help others. A sort of “Live long enough to see yourself become the villain” scenario. I love how you began and ended it with these sort of poetic fragments, it’s very mystical and gives this whole piece the vibe of an ancient fable or a dire warning of sorts. Overall, this is good! A bit rough and unconventional, but nothing would ever change if we didn’t challenge ourselves!

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