Writing Group: Better the Devil You Know (PRIVATE)

Hello, you conflicted creature.

I’m sorry you’ve got to be in this position. Really, I am. It’s never easy to choose, especially when there’s precious little to be sure of either way. But before you do, be absolutely certain it’s what you want, because…

This week’s writing group prompt is:

 

Better the Devil You Know

 

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

 

 

This one had me stumped for a hot second, there. I assumed at first that it was just going to be about difficult decisions and conflicting stakes. But there’s a little more wrapped up in it…

Better the devil you know.

Not just choosing between devils.

There’s a statement of value in there.

So it seems that the game we’re playing here is one that involves a tantalizing unknown setup against an undesirable known. And in that unknown, there is danger.

This seems to me a tragic advocacy for safe places and familiar grounds, however flawed they may be. It’s getting an unnecessary cosmetic surgery that messes up your face for the rest of your life, because you didn’t like the shape of your smile. It’s leaving the comfort of home unprepared and ending up on the street because your parents are a little too strict. It’s taking the oily hand of the creature who lives in your vent, because it says the world inside is so much lovelier than your drab little townhouse.

Break our hearts with a greedy decision.

Set up a beautiful catch-22.

Send us off into the thorn patch we never knew was there.

 

 

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Friday at 7:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit, and get ready to help each other improve their confidence in their writing, as well as their skill with their craft!

 

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least six stories during each stream, three of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
    6. No additional text styling (such as italics or bold text). Do not use asterisks, hyphens, or any other symbol to indicate whether text should be bold, italic, or styled in any other way. CAPS are okay, though.
  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new (no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    6. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    7. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

131 responses to “Writing Group: Better the Devil You Know (PRIVATE)”

  1. The Perfect System
    by Brickosaur

    Ninety-nine crabs are at the bottom of a rusty old bucket in the middle of the washed-est-up island in the sea. Whoever can keep that bucket gets to be the next king.

    “Whaddaya see out there?” they call to the single scout they’ve allowed to perch on the lip.

    “Giant pile of food in today’s wash. But there’s also a fire-breathng seagull poking at everything.”

    Crab Thirty-Eight dares to speak up. “That’s pretty important to get back. Maybe we should pause this and work together to–”

    Boos come from the crowd. Collaboration–PUH. If they did that, how would they know who won the battle?

    Crab Fifty-Seven tries to scramble up out of the bucket and is snatched down by a clawful of others. They pinch off its eyes, throw it on the pile with seventeen other funnyguys.

    A trio on the far side starts brawling. At the end of it, two are dead and one is missing a claw. But Crab Eighty-Two stands. The crowd cheers and body-surfs it to the Elite Middle, where all the victors fight.

    “The seagull has begun to set the food on fire,” announces the scout.

    Crab Thirty-Eight winces at the smoke rising from the beach. “We really should go take care of that,” it whispers to Crab Five, its best friend.

    Five blinks in horror. “But we can’t. It’s against the rules. There’s nothing better than this divine system!” Crab Five waves across the bucket, where two others are fighting over a greasy sandwich wrapper. “What are you calling for? Work-Together-ism!?!?”

    “Would that be so bad?” counters Thirty-Eight. “There’s enough food for all of us if we can chase that seagull away. And we could stop killing each other in here!”

    “I heard Work-Together-ism killed a THOUSAND crabs. Every day! Every–MINUTE! I can’t believe you want something so evil. In fact…” Five shouts, “THIS TRAITOR WANTS TO END BUCKETISM!”

    At that, the whole cast swarms Thirty-Eight. The traitor goes under, crushed at the claws of the eye-pinched climbers.

    Crab Five turns away, happy to have helped preserve their perfect system.
    “I’ve done good today.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Crab Five is such a Narc. I like that this mirrors a our society in a way while also showing the nature of crabs in a bucket. If they simply work together, they all can have food, but nope, they’re more content with dragging each other down rather than lifting each other up. Great story, Brick.

  2. Familiar Roots
    By L. L. Marco

    “How could you do this to me…?”

    My voice quivered. The porch steps were freezing beneath my bare feet and my hands trembled as they clutched the cellphone close. It was so cold out here and my pj’s did nothing to fight off the coming winter. But I couldn’t go back inside; what if someone woke up and heard? They already thought I was so stupid…

    “I… I don’t know.” It was the first honest thing he’d said to me in a long time but it still cut through me.

    What had I expected him to say? What excuse could he have mustered that would make it all go away? My toes were already beginning to numb from the cold but I was glad for that and silently wished that it would spread through all of me. I didn’t want to feel this pain. Not again. I choked back a sob, trying desperately to silence it before he could hear but to no avail. He sighed.

    “I didn’t mean to. We were just friends, and then before I knew it, I…” He didn’t need to say what happened next. We knew. “You deserve better. I… I should let you go.”

    My heart leapt into my throat. The sorrow that had planted seeds in my chest suddenly burst into vines that wound around my lungs, my spine, up my throat until I felt I couldn’t breathe. Despair gave away to loneliness that loomed just around the corner. If he left… what would happen? I would be consumed by it. Terror seized me. No… anything but the loneliness! I couldn’t face it!

    “W-Wait…!” I whispered frantically. I forced a smile into my voice. “N-No, I’m okay. W-We can work through this! I love you. You mean more to me than a d-dumb mistake. D-Dont leave… please.”

    Silence filled the space between us. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears; tears blurred my vision. I’d rather freeze out there on the front porch than be abandoned…

    And then, finally, he spoke.

    “Okay. But don’t forget hun… this was your choice.”

    1. Ohhhhhh, that last line changes everything. Mistakes I can understand, even though cheating is an awful thing to do regardless. But the button just cements this character as a probable abuser, and you just KNOW he’s gonna do it again.

      I can really sympathize with the protagonist. Poor thing is just so lonely and insecure. It’s pretty clear they probably need therapy and some self-love a lot more than a relationship. Well done getting this across so neatly!

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      L. L, this is so skeevy and it hits so horrifically. I hate how this guy gaslights and emotionally manipulates his poor partner. This is a cycle that I hope the partner can break, but I don’t think that will happen any time soon, especially given how desperate they are to keep this piece of garbage around. Very visceral.

  3. minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy) Avatar
    minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

    “A Rock and a Hard Place”
    By minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

    “GWOOOOAAAAR!”

    “RUN!”

    Daisy and Marshal took off down the old castle’s halls. The dragon was hot on their heels, shooting bursts of flame at their feet.

    “You just HAD to wake up the dragon, didn’t you!?” Daisy chastised, unconscious prince in her arms. “We were nearly out! Why in Alicia did you WAKE IT!?”

    Marshal dove and replied “I-Ack! I’m a scientist, Daisy! I had to get some notes on it for the record!”

    “Records Shmeckords!” she shot back. “We’re trying to perform a rescue here, and all you’re thinking about is research!? We’re supposed to be sneaky!”

    “Oh, like you’re one to talk!” He retorted mid-sprint. “You’re the one who wasn’t ‘all that impressed’ with the beast! How am I supposed to gather data when you’re insulting it!?”

    The dysfunctional duo came to a stop at the end of their line; a crumbling cliff with bubbling lava below. Marshal looked behind them. Dragon, coming in hot. Options were weighed.

    “We’re doomed. Oh, Goodness gracious, we are doomed.” His hands cupped his face. He mentally began writing his will…

    “No, we aren’t!”

    While he’d been panicking, Daisy slung the prince decisively on her back.

    “Come on. We’re jumping.”

    “Wh-What!?”

    “We’re jumping! Take my hand!”

    “Th-that’s crazy! I am not jumping into-”

    “Just trust me, ok!? I’ve done this before; I know what I’m doing!”

    This had to be peak crazy! She was proposing they just jump into lava!? What was she-

    The rumbling grew closer behind them. The dragon was right there, staring down the hall at them, death in its eyes.

    “Just trust me! Please!”

    He couldn’t… but… burnt to a crisp? Or burnt to a crisp alongside a stupid companion?

    He chose the latter.

    He grabbed onto her hand just in time for her to leap off, barely escaping the dragon’s maw. The lava was swiftly approaching below them. He closed his eyes and braced for impact-

    FWOOSH!

    SHWING!

    POOMPH!

    The two fell through the portal spawned beneath them, landing on (and destroying) Marshal’s couch with splintering, fluff-tossing force.

    “Y-You’re… paying for that.”

    1. DesOttsel Avatar
      DesOttsel

      Your stories always have this saturday morning charm to them. I don’t think they’re the most interesting stories in the group, but they’re always fun and have a build up to some kind of cheeky climax. The characters and plot are more simple, but you use that to have them play off each other and you do that really well. Good job

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Clearly Marshal has evolved a bit since I last saw him – it’s quite something to know that *he’s* the one the escalated the situation to its current dragony height! And Daisy’s annoyance at the whole scenario was amusing to read too.

      I do have to ask one question: what made it so they had to jump *into lava* for them to use the portal? Could they not have activated it previously during the chase? Do they have to be technically outside to open one? This is making me wonder a lot about what the exact rules of these magical gates are, especially cos of how core they are to the mechanics of your multiverse.

      Oh, and I loved the ‘hot on their heels’ statement being a case of the dragon literally blowing flame at their feet. I’m not even entirely sure if that pun was intentional or not but it tickled me regardless. Well done. :3

      1. minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy) Avatar
        minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

        Thank you! I like to thing marshal got real excited about seeing a real life dragon for the first time so… boi wanted to know some biology facts bout em. Also, for the portal question, she wanted to make sure the dragon wouldn’t follow them! She does this alot, actually. She needs to make sure people don’t see her hopping through dimensions and come with her, so she often does it while falling into lava or charging into danger!
        (Yes. I did intend that pun. You’re welcome 😉 )

        1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
          Calliope Rannis

          Ohhh right, it’s not a case of inability to open a portal, but of not being *seen* doing so. That makes total sense! ^w^

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Always love your stories. This is incredibly adorable, Froggy. Always love seeing Daisy, and now, combined with Marshal, it’s amplified. Like Calliope stated, it’s quite interesting that Marshal is the one who escalated things, especially given Daisy’s proclivity for trouble. It’s cute, it’s fun, and it has a dragon. Also really love that she saves a prince; that’s a nice change up. I hope the research is worth it for Marshal. Great job.

    4. William Maitland Avatar
      William Maitland

      I love it when the priorities of a party clash in the middle of an adventure! DesOttsel put it best in saying there was a certain “Saturday morning cartoon” charm to this, and I think that’s a genuinely beautiful tone to channel! It’s a simple scenario, quick to understand in the limited word count this format permits, and the characters bounce off each other with an almost “Odd Couple” dynamic! Solid marks all around!

  4. Than the Angel You Don’t
    By Monty

    “Who the hell are you?”

    The winged man smiled, making his ethereal aura glimmer and almost blinding poor Nicolas.

    “I am your guardian angel,” the blond angel hummed heavenly.

    “Why did you come at a time like this?” Nicolas asked with his eyebrows raised; if only he had a weapon with him.

    “At the apocalypse?” The angel asked before chuckling. “Why I have come to save you.”

    To the angel’s surprise, the human laughed.

    “Oh great guardian angel,” Nicolas chuckled with a glint of mischief in his eyes. “I am beyond saving.”

    The angel laughed and shook their head. “That is a silly statement, my friend,” the angel hummed.

    “What if I don’t want to be saved?”

    The angel nearly fell over at such a statement. “W-Who wouldn’t want to be saved right now?”

    Nicolas smirked before locking eyes with the angel. “I don’t,” he insisted. “I already have a place where I’ll be staying.”

    The angel’s eyes stared at their human with confusion and a tinge of fear. “You mean-”

    “Oh, you and I both know what he means, angel.”

    The angel whipped their head around to see a dark-clothed figure.

    “M-Magnus.”

    “Hello, Muriel,” the demon chuckled lowly. “Fancy seeing you here.”

    “What are you doing here?”

    “Coming to get Nicolas,” the demon hummed. “Did you think I was here for you? Oh no, I have lost all the fun in doing that after you have rejected me.”

    “Of course I did! I am Nicolas’s guardian angel, who I will save from you!”

    Magnus nearly guffawed at the statement. “Angel.” His voice and his tone lowered significantly. “You believe in free will, right?”

    “Well, yes-“

    “So if your beloved human decides to go against God on his own free will, then you can’t do anything about it.”

    The angel gulped, causing the demon to smirk.

    “I win,” the demon hummed.

    “N-No!” Muriel exclaimed before turning to Nicolas. He was already gone. The angel turned back to Magnus and sobbed: there was Nicolas, laughing as he was being dragged to hell.

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Ah poor, silly Nicolas. Certainly somewhat of a subversion of the premise, where the angel doesn’t even have a chance to convince him away from eternal damnation.

      That said, I do wish I had a little more of an idea why Nicolas made the choice that he did. With this piece as my only context, I have no idea at all, apart from the vague ‘I am beyond saving’ line.
      Also, this is a very minor nitpick, but you used ‘hummed’ quite a lot in this piece, from both the angel and demon. I found it a little strange that it was used so often, especially when ‘hummed’ is usually a form of wordless sound rather than a tone of dialogue.

      But aside from those, the scene was executed well – in particular I really liked the use of body language to flavour the confrontation and the changes in tone and mood it conveyed in the characters. I also appreciated the combined irony and foreshadowing of the ‘who the hell are you?’ at the start. Good job! 😀

    2. minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy) Avatar
      minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

      Well well… what a twist! I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone choose hell over heaven! Well, I probably have. But I can’t help but wonder what sort of things would make a guy chose that! Maybe he thinks heaven might be boring? Maybe he sold his soul in some way earlier during the apocalypse! Maybe he just doesn’t like himself? Anyway, this is good! Good job!

    3. This is an interesting exchange. Kinda cool that it’s more about the powerful beings than the person they’re here for. It kind of turns Nicolas into a prop. That’s probably totally fine, especially since 350 words can usually only accommodate up to 2 main speakers in my experience. I will say I want to know more of Nicolas’s experiences and the philosophy that led him to reject the angels. As a fellow god-squinter, I’m fascinated in that kind of thing.

  5. DesOttsel Avatar
    DesOttsel

    Dogged Days
    by Gage Jarman

    The harmonica wailed over the street littered with shattered bottles and cigarette butts.

    “I went to the crossroad, fell down on my knees
    Asked the Lord above, ‘Have mercy, now, save poor Jimmy if you please’ ”

    A man built like a brick house stepped out of a grungy dive bar and approached the boy sitting on his suitcase, lost in the music.

    “How many times I gotta kick you off this corner? You come back when you can actually play that thing, son.” The big man stood over the boy. The boy glanced up, then kept playing. The man sighed, grabbed the boy by the collar and his belt loop and threw the boy. “Go on home. You don’t need to be spending your every day round here.”

    The boy rolled down the sidewalk. “I ain’t got one!” He scowled over his shoulder.

    The man looked down at the boy’s recently tarnished slacks and vest. “Now, I don’t believe that for a minute.”

    “…I’ll be back back tomorrow.” The boy snatched his suitcase and walked down the street.

    *****

    The streetlamp bathed the bus stop in an orange glow. It was enough that if the boy shifted his sheets to catch the light, he could still read the notes. He did the longest draws he could, tried to make his reels tighter, cupped his hands to make each note have just the right level. He played until his face was jelly. The boy curled up in the corner of the glass structure with a thin blanket and massaged his cheeks. He wasn’t going to lose. He bet everything on this. If his parents or the cops ever found him, that’d be it. He’d be back in his room, studying the pre-prescribed materials to a successful life. It was bullshit. They only cared about money. They had no passion, and he loved music, how it could make hearts dance or sink… God, he was hungry. He pressed the harp to his lips.

    “Standin’ at the crossroad, baby, risin’ sun goin’ down
    I believe to my soul, now, poor Jimmy’s sinkin’ down…”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Des, this is interesting. But it’s also confusing. The best I can figure out is that the boy runs away from home because he didn’t want to live the life his parents had set out for him because he deems it passionless. Now, he’s destitute and starving, living his life of passion but without the comfort of his home. The devil he knows is his passionless home, and the devil he doesn’t (the one he’s acclimating to) is his current life.

      My critiques are:

      How many times I gotta kick you off this corner(?)

      You don’t need to be spending your everyday (every day) round her(e).

      I also assume that the shop owner sees him as a pest and would rather not bother with him. Your story suffers due to the word limit, but it does have an interesting, sad premise.

      1. DesOttsel Avatar
        DesOttsel

        Yeah, you hit it pretty spot on and I didn’t want to outright say those things because it sounded cheap with how bluntly they were said in this word count haha

  6. “Betterman”
    By Derek McEldowney (Deviacon)

    I felt the icy cold breath run slowly down my neck. A chill ran through me. I never could get used to that feeling.

    “Yeah, yeah, I know.” I muttered under my breath without opening my eyes. A heavy weight pinned me beneath the blankets. I took a deep breath and firmly projected it all out at once. “Come on!” I cast aside the blankets and sat up in one swift motion.

    As I made my way down the street, I felt my shadow’s weight at my heels. Dozens of whispering thoughts filled my head. Work to be done, steps to be taken, step out into traffic, places to go, need to grab food first, wonder what she tastes like, need to prioritize things, coffee—no, tea—no, need to actually sit down to eat first.

    “Then, we can both eat.” I hushed sternly as I opened the door to a café. Another cold chill at my neck, and the weight seemed to lift some.

    As I sat peacefully reading while waiting for my food, a child was peeking over from behind the seat across from me, curious, insolent. Bruises peeked up from their collar. I paid them no mind.

    I could feel the child’s desperate gaze, but my attention was on the cold wisps wrapping around the knife on my table. I quickly smacked at the knife with my book.

    After my food was delivered, I carefully began to take bits of meat from the sandwich and ball them up together. The child who had continued watching me finally piped up.

    “What’re ya doin’?”

    Without taking my attention away from the food in my hands I responded matter-of-factly.

    “Bettering my Devil.” And then tossed the hunk of meat over my shoulder. There was no sound. No thud of the meat hitting the ground, no gentle smacking of it being snatched up. I saw the child’s eyes widen in awe and horror.

    “Hey sit down, don’t bother people!” A stern voice called. I met the kids unwavering gaze, and gave them a quick wink before standing.

    “Pardon me, sir…”

    1. PixieWings Avatar
      PixieWings

      I have such a soft spot for a horror story that normalizes its horror. There’s something so interesting that happens when the reader is saying “What the Hell?” but the character is acting like “Yep. Must be a Tuesday.” Using that to play with a slightly more literal version of personal demons is a fantastic idea, and you execute it really well. I especially enjoyed the rhythm in the third paragraph where we get to see our narrator’s intrusive thoughts. Wonderful work!

    2. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      The curious child and the thoughts in his head are great. I love how some of the thoughts are normal, but some are horrible. I also love how the thoughts are clearly different but the same as normal. The curious child also helps you sell the prompt, and I like how they react. My questions are:
      Are they the only ones who notice this going on? How weird is this? The answers don’t really matter that much. Good stuff

    3. Jeebus, that poor kid’s got some demon’s of his own. The bruises visible near his shirt collar, his insolence and desperation, the stern parent. I need to know more about this kid. To top it off, the narrator’s just given him nightmare fuel. To be fair, though, the kid king of asked for that bit.
      Overall, I loved this mundane adventure to the cafe your narrator and his Venom-like demon go on. It felt very solid and believable. Well done!

    4. DesOttsel Avatar
      DesOttsel

      ooo, I love this. I think they way you sell it so well is with the tone. The narrator is very calculating, but still a little smug which gives an interest character in a short time and how he interacts with something so innocent as a child. The word choice and voice is efficient and direct and gets the intended emotion across well, and you do some creative things like the devil’s telepathy being this rapid fire string of thoughts. Nice work.

    5. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Oh, Deviacon. This is incredibly intense and dark. I love you make the shadow its own entity and that it needs food, just like any human, but it needs actual humans. And that poor, poor abused baby. By the end, I was cheering, “Yes, shadow demon. Eat the abusive parent.” I would definitely love to learn more about the shadow and how it in the man ended up in this situation. Great, great job.

  7. Gregory Hess Avatar
    Gregory Hess

    “Death”[Aleph null sci fi]
    By Gregovin

    They are all fools. They think that their lives are better with death. They are so worried about going beyond our natural lifespan that they won’t fund research that will even give us the option to go past it. Even though that would be objectively good. Worst comes to worst, you can just stop using it.

    So closed minded. The fools. At least they’re better than the religious types. Telling me I’ll go to hell for saving lives. Fuck it. If the cost of improving our lives is me going to hell, I’ll take it. I’m not sure I want to be in the realm of a god who would oppose us saving lives.

    I guess I’ll have to do without their funding. Unless…

    I know how to do it. I have a plan. I thought this meeting would be useless, but it could work out…

    I walk up to the podium.

    “Hello, my friends. As you know, I am working on biological immortality. I would like to tell you I have already secured a bit of funding, potentially more to come…”

    A little lie, but I let them fill in the rest. Maybe they would think I was working with the Chinese, or maybe a private corporation. Either way, they couldn’t let this go to the competition.

    “Progress is good, even though it is slow. The protein folding is working as expected, though delivery is a little ways off. By the end of the year phase 1 trials should begin, if required funding is obtained”

    The audience was stunned. I’m confident I’ll have plenty of funding from the US government in a few days. I’m ready to build a better world.

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Oooh I like this, a smart character luring the US into doing what they want with the power of good old xenophobia! Or at least the fear of not getting ahead of their rivals.
      Assuming they don’t decide to just assassinate the guy instead of course.
      And I do like the presented mindset of the character too. Clearly a fairly arrogant and superior-feeling tone, but not one blinded by it. I do wonder exactly what consequences he may be ignoring for the sake of what *he* thinks is good though. Good work! 🙂

  8. The Devil Within
    By NocteVesania

    Elias stands in the middle of the plaza, his bright blue eyes trained on the demon standing across. A bead of sweat rolls down his cheek as he feels the heat of the burning village around him. He tightens his grip on his sword, pointed at the demon, ready to strike at any moment.

    “Give up, young one,” the demon orders, its raspy voice akin to the crackling flames around them, “you’re only delaying the inevitable.”

    A familiar voice echoes in Elias’ head. “He stands in our way. Let me eradicate him!”

    Elias feels his right arm start to tremble. He grasps it with his left hand, trying to calm it down. The black veins that run down his arm start to feel warm to the touch.

    “Just give yourself up. I will lift this curse from you. You know your control over it will not last much longer.” The demon offers his hand.

    Elias grits his teeth. “And let you have the power? Let you take over the world?”

    “Once the demon inside you takes control, you will have doomed everyone!” The demon shouts out, his voice booming over the roaring blaze. “The world will burn and no mortal will survive!”

    Elias pauses for a moment, waiting for a response from the voice within. Nothing. He lowers his head and sheathes his blade.

    “Maybe you’re right,” Elias sighs as he closes his eyes, “maybe it would be better to give it up.”

    The demon smirks, that is until Elias opens his eyes again, the bright blue now scarlet like blood.

    “But I’d rather take the risk than leave everything in your hands!” Elias screams in defiance, his right arm tensing up, ready to rip his enemy to shreds.

    Laughter from the voice within echoes in Elias’ head as the black veins on his arm glow a sinister purple.

    1. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      I like how you are ambiguous on which choice was better, or if there was a third option. It makes a nice ending and sets up consequences for the actions, making this decision seem weighty. I also appreciate that this is not an easy choice and that both devils are tricking him in opposite directions. Good stuff!

  9. Tale Foundry Avatar
    Tale Foundry

    An Offer
    ~by DukkiFluff~

    Daedalus smiled warmly, taking Ayase’s hand and kissing the back of it. “I’m glad you’re safe, Mikage-hime.”

    Abaddon glared at his brother, placing a protective hand on Ayase’s shoulder and pulling her out of reach.

    Daedalus chuckled, “Oh, you care about her now. But what about before? All that suffering… and you just let it happen.”

    His words were venom, but Abaddon didn’t show it.

    “That was my fault, actually.” Ayase spoke up, “I disrespected papa. I don’t blame him for being-”

    “Ah, but that doesn’t change that you are his blood, Mikage-hime.” Daedalus stepped closer. “I can promise you one thing. I would never treat you so horribly.”

    “Well, I appreciate that, but-”

    Daedalus snapped his fingers. In an instant, Ayase was Glamored to look like a Tenshi; her leathery wings turned white and feathery, her purple skin faded back to pale peach, and her tail vanished.

    “Simply divine.” Daedalus purred, lifting her chin, “This could be your reality, Mikage-hime. Give up your Akuma heritage, and take your rightful place by my side.”

    “How dare you-” Abaddon growled, but Daedalus lifted a hand to silence him.

    “You abandoned her, Abaddon. I would never do such a thing.” His piercing blue eyes didn’t leave her as he continued, “I would care for her, cherish her, come to her aid whenever she needed.”

    Abaddon fell silent.

    Ayase swallowed nervously, stepping back out of Daedalus’ grip, “Is… that really even possible?”

    “Yes.” Abaddon answered, his voice low, “You can give up your Akuma heritage, and become human. Then he can change you. It won’t be a violation of the treaty, because it is your choice.”

    Daedalus’ grin grew a bit. “So? What do you say?”

    Ayase glanced between the two, the pressure heavy on her shoulders. Finally, she sighed, and looked back to Daedalus.

    “Thank you. But no.” She answered, shaking off the Glamor he’d imposed on her and spreading her lavender wings wide, “Papa and I can work things out. He came to help in the end. That’s what counts.”

    Daedalus sighed in disappointment, but nodded, “My offer remains, Mikage-hime.”

    1. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      Oh… Giving her the choice to be something else and escape the control of one asshole, but it is into the territory of another asshole. Though it was a little unclear who “papa” was in this story which made it a little weird and seemingly referential

    2. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      I love the dynamic here. I mean, Ayase doesn’t quite realize how horrible Daedalus is yet. And how he loves lording over the fact that Abaddon abandoned her, even if he did come back. I love the subversion set up (even if it was partly my idea) that the angels are far worse than the devils. This was a great story!

  10. PixieWings Avatar
    PixieWings

    Mrs. Danvers Eats Children
    By PixieWings

    “Who’s getting it?”

    Keeley clutched the bat to her chest and starred up at the hole punched into the dirty attic window.

    “Are you nuts, Josh? That’s Danvers’ house!”

    “My brother told me his friend’s sister saw her eat a finger once.”

    “Well, I’m not going!”

    The boys all turned to her with the same expectant look.

    “…Alone?” Keeley squeaked.

    “I’ll go.”

    “Ugh, fine. Take the new kid.”

    The new kid’s name was Dean. He’d moved in the week before.

    Keeley hid behind him as he raised the big brass knocker and dropped it with a thump. They waited for footsteps.

    Instead, the door yawned open.

    Keeley tried to bolt, but Dean caught her hand.

    “If you run now, they’re gonna make fun of you. She’s just an old lady.”

    They crept into the living room, the floor groaning under them. Dusty light filtered in through the paisley curtains. An old, musty smell hung in the air.

    There were no severed fingers, no boiling pot of children’s blood soup.

    Keeley followed Dean to the second floor, then the third. By the time they reached the attic, she felt bold enough to go in first.

    “You see it?”

    No answer.

    Keeley glanced back at him. Dean was doubled over, shaking. He’d been so calm earlier. She’d thought he wasn’t scared.

    “Hey Dean?”

    The top half of his body turned to her.

    But it didn’t stop.

    It twisted upwards and fell open in fleshy strips lined with teeth.

    Keeley screamed and clamped her eyes shut.

    Something big whiffed passed her face. There was a sharp crack, then a bang as something heavy hit the floor.

    “She’s mine!” The Thing That Was Not Dean rasped.

    “Now you listen to me, young man! I’ve eaten well here for sixty years and I don’t intend to stop now!”

    There was a crunch.

    A wet pop.

    A gurgle.

    Silence.

    “Here you are, dear.”

    Something passed into her palms. Keeley pried her eyes open.

    A baseball.

    “And if those boys give you more trouble, you send them to me. I’ll straighten them right out.”

    1. Pixie! You’ve left me speechless, eyes wide open and all. Where do I even begin?

      Well, the title is very interesting, very eye-catching. Now, when paired with the first few paragraphs, it gave me the impression that the title is an exaggeration, likely from kids’ urban legends. This is also reinforced by the kids’ bickering, akin to the usual trope of kids trying to get their ball back from the cranky neighbor. All of this setup makes the reader drop their guard, which brings me to my next point, “when everything is alright”.

      So the girl goes to the house, the new kid tagging along. The atmosphere you’ve setup is pretty apparent. Keeley is nervous and afraid, so the spooky scenery is fitting. Now, as a reader familiar with the aforementioned trope of kids’ exaggerations, I would naturally try and brush these aside. I’m not saying the tension fell flat, it’s just that the trope is pretty much ingrained into our brains. Now, that’s all fine and dandy, until it’s not. All of this buildup leads to “where it all went wrong”.

      I really appreciate how there a single point where the reader realizes they thought wrong. The twist (hehe, twist) is so sudden and hard-hitting that it left me awe-struck. The blur of sounds that follows adds to the mystery of what exactly are they or what even is going on. The end, then, is a nice callback to the trope at the beginning, where the old person is actually nice (kind of, I guess). The lady sounds so nice, it feels like a pretty ribbon on top of a macabre present.

      Sorry for the long comment. Your piece is just too good not to write about. Fantastic job!

      1. PixieWings Avatar
        PixieWings

        Ahhh, thank you so much Nocte!! And no need for apologies! Your comment made my morning! I’m so glad you enjoyed it.

    2. Oh my goodness. I absolutely loved this piece. You did a great job conveying the dark happenings in the attic with very few words. Since the perspective is close third person, we’re only getting Keeley’s impressions. And since she’s got her eyes shut, we’re only getting sounds. Again, you did a lovely job with your word choice to get those sounds across to your readers. I also love that Mrs. Danvers is every bit the scary kid-eating monster they all think she is, yet she’s also a sweet old lady.

      1. PixieWings Avatar
        PixieWings

        Thank you for the kind words Astrid! I’m glad you enjoyed it. A lot of the writing/editing time on this was def spent on figuring out how to get them into the attic scene.

    3. God, this was terrifying! It kept me at the edge of my seat. I must admit that I had to reread it a couple of times to fully understand what happened, but that was because I was reading quickly due to my excitement over this! I really liked how the piece turned out and I hope to see more from you!

      1. PixieWings Avatar
        PixieWings

        Thank you, and glad you enjoyed! I hope to do more in the future.

    4. minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy) Avatar
      minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

      Holy Moly…. Wow! That’s pretty much all I can say, wow! You’ve been known for your great fairy themed stuff, but this is just awesome! You took the common thing of kids gossiping about old folks, twisted it on its head, and put more evil in it! I love how she sympathizes with the little girl, and eats the other kid! You gotta wonder what kind of things his monster parents are gonna think of when their kid is just gone. Unless he doesn’t have em, but anyway awesome, horrific job! Can’t wait to see what more you do in the future!

      1. PixieWings Avatar
        PixieWings

        You know, there was actually a line that got cut about Keeley never having seen Dean’s parents. If they do exist, I can imagine they aren’t happy.

        Thank you for the kind words, and I’m glad you enjoyed!

    5. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Straight away, Pixie, I love the title. It’s a quick lunch while also telling you everything that’s to be expected from the story. not only is the legend true, but the new kid was also whatever Mrs. Danvers happened to be. I do love the subversion of expectations in that Mrs. Danvers is not an evil creature like they think she is, but instead she’s simply a nice old lady demon monster thing who happens to eat people, particularly boys, who are jerks.

      This is my only critique:

      Keeley clutched the bat to her chest and starred (stared) up at the hole

      I love that Dean is the new kid who also happens to be a similar creature. And there are so many references that I feel are here, whether you intended for them to be or not. For example: Dean’s name alone reminds me of Supernatural. And there’s the show that used to air on cartoon Network by the name of the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, and they had this episode where there was a baseball game taking place and a ball rolled into this old house that happened to be owned by an old woman named Mrs. Danvers. She turned out to be a ghost voiced by Betty White. Bottom line, this is an excellent story, and it really evokes a creepy feeling. This isn’t your fault at all, but I do wish that it were longer for the sake of drawing out the terror just a little bit more. Still, excellent piece, and I still got chills.

    6. Ohhh this was such a good one! The imagery of the old house was fantastic. I love the urban legend set-up and it really seeming to go in the direction of there is no real monster at first. The subversion of the boy being another monster trying to use the urban legend to his own gain was great. Most of all I love that Keeley isn’t just left doomed to another monster at the end, but actually protected by it. Awesome creepy story!

  11. MasaCur Avatar
    MasaCur

    Deal With the Devil
    By MasaCur

    Sonja tapped her fingers on her desk, the worry and anxiety eating at her. She hated feeling useless. “Can we ask Zydrunas again?” she asked.

    Melissa shrugged. “I don’t see how that can help. Zee has said he wants a break.”

    Sonja angrily swept everything off her desk. “This affects him too, you know? Does he want more money? What do I have to do?”

    Melissa sighed. “I think he legitimately wants a break.”

    A third woman in the room lounged back in her chair. “What if we asked someone else?”

    The other two women looked at Erykah. “Who do you mean?” Sonja asked.

    Erykah blew a bubble in her gum and let it pop “What about Rikke Farlund?”

    Sonja rolled her eyes and Melissa snorted in reply.

    “What? I’m sure Rikke Farlund has contacts that could help us,” Erikah argued.

    “Rikke Farlund is a criminal,” Melissa explained.

    “Um, hate to point this out, but so is Zydrunas,” Erykah replied. “Actually, come to think of it, so are we. Only difference is, we never got caught.”

    Sonja tapped her lip. “You know, Erykah may have a point.”

    “No! You’ve got more sense than this!” Melissa protested.

    “Yes, but we’re getting nowhere on our own,” Sonja replied. “And our usual fixer insisted that he doesn’t want to get involved. Farlund is probably our best bet.”

    Erykah pumped her fist in triumph as Melissa scowled.

    “Who’s going to call her, Erykah?” Melissa cynically asked.

    “Don’t you know her?” Erykah asked.

    “What makes you think I know Rikke Farlund?”

    “Well, you’re an elf. She’s an elf…” Erykah rationalized.

    “She’s a dark elf, I’m a forest elf. And we were born in completely different parts of the world.” Melissa shook her head with scorn. “This is why elves think orcs are stupid.”

    “Hey! I’ll have you know I finished top of my class at my magic academy!” Erykah shot back.

    Sonja held up her hands. “Enough out of the both of you. I’ll contact Farlund. And we’re supposed to be hiding, so please shut up about not being human.”

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      I do like how the fantasy race stuff just casually shows up halfway through what otherwise could have been a totally normal and modern setting (aside from perhaps Erykah’s weirdly spelled name), requiring an abrupt recontextualising of the potential genre and situation involved.

      The characters were great as well – every personality was very distinctive and interesting to listen to, and they played off each other very well. Good job! 🙂

    2. Tale Foundry Avatar
      Tale Foundry

      Ooh very nice!

      You’re pacing was really good, and the banter between this little group is fantastic. The little twist at the end of “btw they aren’t human” is slipped in so well, too. It’s not in your face, it’s not overexplained, it fits very well and comes in naturally.

      One nitpick, though; in the section [“Yes, but we’re getting nowhere on our own,” Sonja replied. “And our usual fixer insisted that he doesn’t want to get involved. Farlund is probably our best bet,” Sonja replied.] you use [Sonja replied] twice. I’d take out the second one.

      Overall, excellent work!

      1. MasaCur Avatar
        MasaCur

        Thanks for the catch. I’ve taken care of it.

    3. The bickering in this piece was really amusing! I couldn’t help but smile. The snide comments made between the orc and the elf really got me. I could also feel the atmosphere change when Farlund’s name was said. Overall, a pretty decent piece! It was pretty dialogue-heavy, but for this piece, it worked out well!

    4. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Ooooohh, Masa. Getting to know more about the ladies of Ridgecloud. Nice. I love how they’re criminals seeking out another criminal. And Erykah is an orc, and Sonja is an elf?? Cool.

      This is my only critique:

      Erikah (Erykah) argued.

      I always love seeing this series from you, and it never disappoints. Great job.

  12. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    Settingstuck (UNIVERSE_ID NOT FOUND)
    By Calliope Rannis

    On a grey, rainy day, at the topmost floor of an old boarding school that was now sliced into houses, a girl sat on her bed. She’d been woken up at exactly 10am by her forlorn daily alarm, but it could take an hour to become capable of anything but staring into space and contemplating.

    It was usually of a fictional nature – daydreaming about her worlds and her monsters, or about one of the original characters that she fondly thought of as her daughters. (A somewhat ironic bond, considering the cruelties her writing would inflict upon them. She wondered if this is how the God of her universe sees their creations as they make them suffer?) But this time was different. This was not about the content of her worlds, but rather of their creation. And the thought dominating her mind today was:

    “I don’t want to write a Corespace story today, do I?”

    It had taken her days to come to that conclusion. But ultimately it was how she felt. She did genuinely love writing for that setting – it was so full of Stuff and Things and Characters that she could make any writing prompt work for it! Lately however, that had been all she was writing. It had become a habit, a rigidity upon her creative process, the thing she best knew how to write.

    She could have written a story to fit this prompt too. Frankly it would have been easy. Her Void Lords could take on the role of a ‘devil’, or maybe a prisoner of a Shellskin? But she just…didn’t want to.

    The girl wanted to do something else instead. Something unbound from her well-trodden setting, unbound from her genre of preference, something barely fictional if she was going to be quite honest with herself. Something she had never tried to write before. It may be in some ways the exact opposite of the prompt, but that was okay. She didn’t even need to write up to the max word count for this one!

    (But she did anyway. Because some things apparently never change.)

    1. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      Metafiction! I love it! And I love how you play with the prompt. Yeah, it is hard sometimes to take a break from our universes, because who knows what project we might start if we step outside of them. It always feels like soon enough your original project will be coated in dust and forgoten, and you’ll be no closer to done. But that doesn’t have to be true. Good stuff!

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Oh I didn’t even think about that aspect, though it is indeed very true! But yeah, I deffo needed the break, this felt so refreshing to write. <3

    2. Ooooooh! A meta piece! Nice. Man, this is honestly really relateable. It’s easy to simply stop and not expand your horizons, but it can be really helpful to step back and try things that are new. I gotta say, it was definitely interesting for me as a reader to see how your writing style feels when applied to something different.

      I think one of the major positives for me regarding this little experiment of yours is it highlighted something about your writing I really like that I don’t think I’ve noticed before – how nicely-written your description tends to be. It’s fairly descriptive, but plain enough to not draw your attention unnecessarily. It isn’t fighting for space with the rest, but rather genuinely does its best to complement it. This is something I respect a lot, actually. Finding the right style for a piece can be difficult, but I think you generally nail it, and here is no exception.

      Also, that max word count line killed me xD

      Overall, I think this is one of my top three favourites from this week, gotta say. This was quite interesting to read (as it always is when you read about the author themselves tbh) and was equally enjoyable. Very nicely done.

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Aaah this is a great comment to read! It was equally interesting to write something different as well – moving from what is normally a universe very far removed from our own, and crashing the perspective right into ours instead. In particular, I found how the act of writing the story transformed what was just a description of something early in my day into something…more. Something just a little more meaningful, and a little more fictional by that same process too.

        That’s really good to hear about my description – I’m glad I had already heard of concepts like ‘purple prose’ before I could learn too many bad habits in my regular writing I guess! XD

        Aw I’m super happy this was one of your faves, I was a little irrationally worried that people would just be weirded out by it or something. Especially since like you say, this one’s basically talking about *me*, and revealing little things that I otherwise might never feel like talking about. Kinda a vulnerable process in a way.

        Thank you very much for your lovely comment! 😀 <3

    3. revisis Avatar
      revisis

      Ohh this is a very interesting Meta piece.

      If in this case the “Devil you know” is your own universe, it maybe be better to write in it. But would it be a challenge? Would it be something fun?

      Very interesting though that even if the known thing may be better, doesnt mean its the best choice overall!

      I really like the introspectiv and then the fourth wall break in the final line xD

      Excellent work!

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Thank you! Honestly despite the idea of Corespace being an ‘easier’ topic to write for, the fact that I wasn’t feeling inspired would have made it an order of magnitude harder to write.
        As for this, I wrote it faster than any story I had written so far, it came so easily to me once I had the idea at all. I do not regret picking the ‘unknown’ choice in the slightest here. :3

        (and honestly, isn’t the entire piece sort of a fourth wall break? Or rather, is there even a fourth wall at all? :P)

    4. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Calliope. I love love love love how meta this is. The devil you know being your Corespace Universe, and the devil you don’t know is the story’s meta tone. It’s great. Brava, ma’am. Brava.

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Thank you very muchly. <3 <3 <3

  13. The Assassin Avatar
    The Assassin

    A light at Tunnel’s End
    By TheAssassin

    Deep in the underground, within the damp tunnels of despair stood a man. His body stained with scars and eyes greyed from hopelessness, he cried.

    Finally, after all the long years of torment, he found a way out. A path to freedom laid before him. One that did not echo with screams or flow with blood. This one was clean. Clean of the death that surrounded him, free of the daggers that stabbed him, a path that shone, and so he cried.

    But these were not the tears of joy.

    They were of woe.

    For in that escape he now saw, was a poison. Dripping from the walls and oozing in puddles upon the ground, it seeped into all things.

    He knew not of this poison. Perhaps it would be a fairer fate than to endure that which he had escaped. But he could not evade the feeling of dread. It might truly be a final well of agony before the sweet release of the morning sun, but he could not be sure.

    If he stepped into the depths of the poisoned path and not find that release, then the anguish of his body would be all the more sour. It would take centuries to accustom his wounds to the new pain.

    But if he returned…

    Returned to the place that rent his flesh and tore his bones, then he would know of his agony. He would understand through his years of experience his pain. He might harness that knowledge to endure just a little bit longer.

    Yes…

    That is what he must do. Return to his former captors and suffer their ways. But even still the light of the path ahead entranced him. Maybe he could risk escape? Maybe the poison was instead a cure? Something to heal the scars upon his flesh?

    Maybe…

    No.

    His mind searched for an excuse to tread that path, but none were of certain logic. All conclusions risked greater, unknowable pain. And so, crying, he turned and walked into the darkness, away from the light.

    Abandoning forever his one fleeting chance at peace.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This one is so sad, Assassin. The man chooses the devil he knows, familiar pain and discomfort over the unfamiliar. Your prose, as always, is beautiful and immersive. I FELT his pain and heartbreak while reading. Great job and somber tale.

  14. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    The Devil was Down in Georgia
    by Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    It was a hot August day. The sun shone fiercely on my back as I rode down the twisting Georgia country roads. Though some respite came from my violin case safely strung across my back for transport.

    Passing over another hill, I noticed a strange looking figure on the side of the road up ahead. As I got closer, I noticed that it had red skin, hooved feet, and wicked horns.

    Unsure of what to do in this situation, I pulled up next to the beast who didn’t acknowledge my presence. It was just sitting on an old hickory stump, looking fairly solemn. Feeling a Christian duty to help this poor soul out, I carefully approached the creature.

    “How are you doin’ today, mister?” I said in as friendly a tone as I could muster.

    The beast finally broke it’s position and looked at me. It’s eyes stared with an intensity that would shake nearly any man to his core, but merely registered to my sun-fried brain as apathy.

    “I’ve learned a lot today.” The beast said in a gruff tone. “And not in the best way.”

    “Aww shucks, mister.” I sang out in sympathetic tones. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

    “Not likely. I lost my expensive golden violin in a fiddling contest.” The creature sighed rather loudly. “I thought I was the best.”

    That sentence struck me at my core. I had tried so hard to be the best at violin in the orchestra. I practiced for hours on hours on end. Yet still, I made only third chair.

    I pulled out my violin.

    “Here.” I said. “Give it a try.”

    He gently took the fiddle and started playing a haunting melody. Double stops. Triple stops! Sextuplets! It was masterful.

    “You’re pretty good ole son!” I said as he bowed, gracefully.

    “I’ll tell you what. I’ll let you borrow my violin, so long as you use it to beat that feller who took your golden fiddle.”

    The beast looked humbled at my offer. “I accept. I promise to not let you down.”

    “I’m sure you won’t.”

    1. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      I’m getting very folkloric vibes presented in an old fashion Disney cartoon kind of vibe from this piece. The Devil doesn’t seem to be a bad guy in this story. Though for some reason I have this magging suspicion that something absolutely dreadful will happen to this nice violinist. Or maybe my suspicions are unfounded and the rest of this story has a great ol’ happy ending with the devil playing a jaunty tune for everyone to dance to. Very well done, Johanson.

    2. I *love* this. I love the kind of folksy feel it has even down to the wording – it’s very memorable. Also, gotta say, did not expect that to be the result of the Devil showing up. I thought it was gonna take a dark turn there lol, but I’m glad it didn’t. At least not on-screen…

      So, I think the thing that struck me the most about this piece and that really cemented its feel in my mind was the word choice. Little details, like “sun-fried” and “sang out”. This stuff seems to me like choices someone would actually make when narrating a tall-tale like this – not necessarily the most flowing choice in and of itself, but the kind of flavour-filled picks that just pop into your head when you really get going. It gave the entire story a bit of believeability that pushed this into “really good” territory imo.

      Now, for me this piece did also have one notable weakness. I feel like it also may be something tied to the folklore vibe that also makes this piece really good – it doesn’t feel like it has any weight behind it to me. It feels like a snapshot of a story, but not one that goes to a fulfilling conclusion that fits with the rest, and sacrifices some of its forward momentum that would give the conclusion some weight in order to preserve the feel. In actual oral storytelling, I think it’s less of an issue (possibly due to being able to hear the emphasis and the dramatic choices a person makes while speaking out loud). Here, however, it feels a little strange to me. That’s just my two cents though.

      Overall, this piece is really good. It’s fairly unique, and I haven’t personally seen a good folksy submission in a while. This was extremely enjoyable. Standing ovation, mate. Great job.

      1. Matthew Avatar
        Matthew

        I think I get the feeling or the lack of feeling of weight to the story. I definitely get feelings like this is half a folk tale or 1/3rd in this case lol. I think folktales generally need a narrative punch. something that would be exaggerated in retellings, but makes the event memorable. this kinda feels like the buildup to that event to me

    3. PixieWings Avatar
      PixieWings

      An epilogue to Devil Went Down to Georgia! The idea is amazing. And I love the character choice for the narrator sounding kind of wide-eyed and polite, even to literal Satan. I do agree with PitL’s comment that the ending lacks some narrative punch, so it doesn’t feel quite like a complete piece. But like…what a beginning, when you have the context of the original song. I had a smile on my face the whole way through.

    4. Tale Foundry Avatar
      Tale Foundry

      AAAAAAA I CAN’T GET OVER HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS STORY

      You did this so well, and it lines up with the song so perfectly! And honestly, having such a wholesome “part 2” for The Devil Went Down to Georgia just makes me so so happy.
      And the generosity of a human to the Devil is just so sweet, and probably not something the Devil is used to.
      Now, mister Devil, go get that golden fiddle back!!

    5. GJFuller Avatar
      GJFuller

      This was nice. No malevolence or evil hanging out of sight. You kind of made me feel bad for the beasty that lost his precious violin in a contest. It gave me nice fuzzy feels at the end.
      Good work! 🙂

    6. William Maitland Avatar
      William Maitland

      As soon as I saw the title, I’d HOPED it would call back to the folk song in some way! I wasn’t expecting a straight follow-up to the events of the original, but boy was I satisfied to see that it was! The callback lines felt rather poetic coming back in different lights, what with the Devil sitting DEJECTED on the stump, and the passing good samaritan genuinely admiring his skill, with no intent to show him up! 10/10 sequel/follow-up, Matthew!

      Though, I must say this every time the song comes up… a fiddle made of gold would very likely sound like crap, no matter who plays it. Just sayin’!

    7. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I love this, Matty. I love it so much. Finally got a sequel to the song, and it is brilliant. Maybe the Devil just needed a violin instead of a fiddle. I also really love the irony of a Christian helping out the Devil. I really love the humor here.

      My only critique is to use “its” instead of “it’s” in both cases.

      I wonder if the Devil is going to actually hold up his end of the bargain. If he wins, he gets the guy soul and his fiddle back. Great story, as always.

    8. This is such a great twist and addition to that old folktale/song. Humanizing the devil who was actually humbled and depressed by his well-documented loss really inspires empathy from both the reader and the main character. I really love how the main character just wants to do everything they can to be helpful. Something about a genuinely nice guy telling the devil “I’ll help you out, if you promise me you’ll win” is just such an awesome, wholesome role reversal and I love it.

  15. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    Even Demons Have Inner Devils

    By Jesse Fisher

    He had been given a blade but it was dull and cracked which now laid on the sandy floor shattered. His loincloth was barely holding on from the movements he was making. This dark navy wolf dodge as a much finer sword nearly sliced his head off. The wielder of this sword lizard with feathered wings and armor that looked like a soldier get up, it looked to be a pompadour scaled with cyan feathers.

    “Okay really starting to rethink this whole not killing people.” Demon said to himself as he jumped to the wall of the arena and kicked off to get over the feathered lizard. Flipping so to kick off the lizard just so that it knocked it out.

    Landing on the ground the feather lizard fell to its knees before hitting the ground with a thud, the crowd booed and hissed as another challenger entered the arena barely giving the wolf time to rest.

    “Oh come on after like fifty griffins, feather lizards, and dragons; I think you would have got the message that I could kill if I did not hold back?” Demon did huff from both said fights and exhaustion of the bone headedness of this whole thing.

    It was at that moment that it turned out to be a griffin that had wyvern wings, which meant it was holding four swords; two short swords in its talons while two greatswords held in the wyvern claws.

    “Gangrel,” Demon shouted up to the order spirit causing her lion ears to perk up. “I swear when I get out of this I will deck whatever priest did this. Also going to have a long talk about that night, I know what you did.”

    The griffins next to the order spirit began to stare daggers at her as she blushed.

    “Well that was an easy way to out my target.” Demon smiled. “Now for my next trick, a hand trick.”

    Jumping up and landing on the wall again his toe claws dug into the wall as his hands began to shake and knifelike blades replaced his fingers.

    1. I love the action in this piece! This could be something of an anime scene. Haha. I do think there are a few minor grammatical things to fix, specifically in the first paragraph, but everything else seems pretty clear to me. This is a pretty good callback to the previous prompt, too. With Demon just destroying everyone, I feel there isn’t much weight to his friends’ wanting to rescue him. Maybe you could up the stakes for Demon to survive and his friends to come sooner? Perhaps pit him against a super strong guy? Though I guess that depends on your intention and I’m just pitching some suggestions. Haha. Overall, good job!

      1. jesse fisher Avatar
        jesse fisher

        I thank you, and ya I leave options since I write it as we get prompts.

  16. revisis Avatar
    revisis

    Hope for the Unknown
    by Exce

    Luciel’s eyes opened, and immediately there was something familiar all around him. Like a smell, but even more pervasive. And then, across what seemed like an endless mirror plain reflecting the stars above, he saw him.

    Ubvoriel.

    The two angels, father and son, sized each other up before the younger one spread his arms, as if in a gesture of placation.

    “Father. It’s been too long. I was worried when I heard that the Brute had you in his grasp.”
    Luciel’s expression hardened at his choice of words, and he crossed his arms, hiding them inside the great sleeves of his dark robe.

    “I’d thank you for your concern – hadn’t it been you who  brutalized not only me, but the entire planet for  the last centuries?”

    Ubvoriel gave a sigh, as if it was him who had to argue with a child.
    “I know you see me as the devil, but, Father, please, you have to see beyond our quarrel.”

    Behind him vague shapes appeared , the implication of the angels.

    “I have already shown you how far I’m willing to go. Can you say the same about the Brute? His hunger for violence seems insatiable.”
    Ubvorial raised a hand, offering it to his father.

    As if nothing had happened between them. As if he hadn’t brought misery and death all over this world.

    Luciel raised his hand as well, but instead of taking his son’s, he extended it towards the heavens.
    “I do know the depths of your soul…and what I see fills me with sorrow. With  the one you call the Brute, I can at least hope that he hides some light that can be kindled.”

    The light of the stars began to increase in intensity, and the shadowy figures were burned away.

    Ubvorial scowled, even as his shape began to dissolve.
    “Then that’s how it will be. You’ll be remembered for choosing a murderous stranger over your son and people!”

    Luciel sighed, the dream finally collapsing around him.

    Maybe they would remember him for choosing hope over certain tyranny….if there would be anyone left.

    1. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Interesting choice. Luciell is choosing the devil he “doesn’t know” because he knows Ubvoriel all too well. He knows the devil he knows is the worst option. That’s quite the interesting take. I’m guessing Ubvoriel is sort of a Lucifer-like figure? Either way, making the two characters father and son muddies what we think is the right choice until the end. Nicely done, Exce.

    2. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      I really love this story. I really like the imagery of angels, light, and stars. I especially love the familial drama angle the story runs with. Rather than a choice between to things or fates, it is a father’s choice between his fallen son and a brutish stranger with a small tinge of hope. I think the final line is especially powerful. And for once in fantasy stories, I find the names are readable! My one offer of criticism might be that we have no real context for Luciel’s evil. We know only that he is said to be evil and nothing more. I understand the word count is probably too short for this, but it would have been nice to know all the same. Otherwise, loved it.

      1. revisis Avatar
        revisis

        Ubvoriel is the evil one! xD Luciel is the father!

        1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
          Calliope Rannis

          I was a little confused at the wording too, I only realigned correctly because I had previous knowledge of who was who. XD

    3. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      I like the double meaning kinda deal here. On the one hand, Ubvorial is obviously positioned as the ‘devil you know’ here as opposed to the Red Haired Guy with unknown qualities. But on the other hand (though this is more for people that already know your universe a bit) the ‘Brute’ has a way more devil-y aesthetic than the literal angels do, so it kinda goes a little both ways!

      The Assassin’s comment did remind me of my initial confusion – the initial ‘meeting’ sorta loses track of which name is attached to which person during the description, meaning that without more clarity, I assumed Luciel was the one still talking at first until I got confused by later writing and had to backtrack. Just something to be aware of there.

      I enjoyed the imagery greatly too – the starscape and shadows of the dream, the handshake and Luciel’s denial of it with his own hand, all good stuff! Very well done. 😀

  17. Samantha R DeShong Avatar
    Samantha R DeShong

    “Better This Way”
    by Samantha Realynn

    The view from the balcony was beautiful. I had a perfect view of the garden, sprawling with flowers I’d never seen before coming here. It seemed like the moon was always full, casting it in serene light. Every day when I awoke I always found a new bouquet beside my bed, the smell so divine. I turned from the balcony to view my spacious room. The bed was perfectly made, with soft pillows and silk sheets. My bookshelves were full of my favorites to read and reread at my leisure. The wardrobe that held some of the most beautiful clothes I had ever worn. It was all perfect.

    Even the manacle around my wrist was made for comfort.

    I don’t remember how long I’ve been here. Days? Months? Longer? The sun was a distant memory now. I can’t remember when I last saw another person aside from my jailor.

    He would be making his visit soon. Always to talk, the perfect gentleman. I was not a prisoner here. I was a guest. That was always made clear. I could leave if I so wished. All I had to do was ask, and I would be returned to my old home.

    Did they still remember me? Do they remember what they tried to do to me? ‘Witch,’ they had called me. ‘Demon.’ A tainted and depraved thing. What had I done to deserve the moniker? It wasn’t my fault those boys had died. I warned them something protected me. Yet they pursued anyway. They brought about their deaths. But I was to blame. I was the devil.

    But what could they blame? The unseen thing that haunted me? The terrible unknown that loomed over me? Why, when they could simply turn to me instead. I was there, visible, touchable, killable. Better the devil you can see, yes? If only they had thought about what happened to those boys.

    My door opened and my jailor walked in, who kept me safe. He smiled at me and presented the flowers. I gave a small smile back. Yes, better the devil you know.

    1. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Very mysterious. I find it interesting that the protagonist is the one considered the devil. I have many questions. Where is she? Why was she jailed? For her own protection? To protect others? I’m sure the jailer is her protector. Yet, why the manacles? Is this really a prison? Despite my questions, this is a good story.

      1. Samantha R DeShong Avatar
        Samantha R DeShong

        Thanks very much! This is definitely something I want to expand on in a larger work, I just don’t know where yet lol. So many possibilities! Thanks very much for reading!

    2. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      I think the uncertainty and constant perspective-shifting revelations serve this story very well. Ar first we begin to think she is some kind of loved princess before being worried that she is a prisoner. Then we learn her captor is fair and would allow her to leave, but then we learn her home would not be a place where she is kept safe. All the while the question of what exactly she did or at least what the thing that protects her did poke around in our head. I thought this was a very well structured tale and very well written as well. My criticism for it would be then one of clarity, why is she protected? That’s all, thank you for the great story 🙂

    3. I really love your take on this. A world where its always night, a world perfectly encapsulated in a safe little bubble to protect a girl society didn’t listen to and then didn’t understand. the jailor is the spirit that protected her, right? If he can keep her safe in a place like that I can only imagine what he did to those boys, though by the way its written I suspect they deserved as much. Really lovely read <3

  18. Laribhaven Avatar
    Laribhaven

    Demons are way easier to deal with
    By: Larissa (Lari.B.Haven)

    Killian knew that a possessed teacher causing havoc in the gym just before E.D, would stir too much attention. He needed to think quick, and banish it before the other students came.

    A thick curtain of sulfur rose from the wooden floor.

    “A demon?” Eddie looked at him.

    “You’re going down, demon hunter!” The demon responded, his sharpened claws ripping through the teacher’s skin. “Get ready, Killian Cole!”

    “I… can explain, just not now, Eddie!” He gestured at him to hide.

    “I’m not going!” He responded in ASL.

    “How do you mean you’re not going! That thing is dangerous!”

    “You kept that hidden from me, all this time?”

    The demonic entity let go a tired sigh.

    “Will the two lovebirds argue for much longer?”

    “Shut up, V’ilonté!” Killian lowered the bat. “I’m dealing with serious shit here!”

    “How do you know my true name?” The demon blinked his eyes.

    “Someone etched that in your forehead in elderspeak.” Killian said brushing off and taking the blond boy by the arm. “Now baby, can you please go back to safety?”

    “Dammit you, E’ienv! I will kill you when I get home!” The evil fiend tried to clean his forehead while Killian and Eddie argued more.

    “So if you die, I’m just supposed to watch and wait for your chewed corpse outside?” Eddie amped up the angry signaling. “And why keep it secret from me, of all people?”

    Killian rolled his eyes.

    “How about I beat this dumbass now and then I tell you about banishing demons later?”

    The blond one thought for a while, still mad at him.

    “Fine, I go! But you HAVE to tell me everything later!”
    Killian smiled and kissed Eddie’s lips, and the boy ran away.

    “Now… where were we?”

    “Only Mom can call me a dumbass!” The demon protested.

    “How about I send you straight to her lap?”

    Killian then ran in the demon’s direction, like he was supposed to. That would be easier than dealing with Eddie’s wrath later.

    “Better the devil you know.” He thought.

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Oooooh, this. I love this. Witty banter, smooth pacing, and an amazing concept all make this story amazing. Not to mention, it’s hilarious. Your characters really shine through in their dialogue, and the narration also helps keep the story flowing. I wonder how they ended up in this situation. Overall, this is an amazing piece, Lari. Awesome job!

    2. Samantha R DeShong Avatar
      Samantha R DeShong

      This was hilarious! I’m a lover of good urban fantasy so this already ticks boxes for me, but I freaking love the concept. You need to banish a demon to protect the school and your boyfriend, only for your boyfriend to become quite upset that you neglected to tell him about a very important and dangerous part of your life. I also love how the demon reacted to the entire thing, and honestly in my head I saw the equivalent to a preteen. This was a great story!

    3. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      D’awww, this was a adorable and rather funny story. I didn’t quite understand the posessed demon’s behaviour at first, but Samantha’s comment clued me in that the demon was basically behaving like a kid, and then it all made much more sense from there!
      I was also wondering, is the Elderspeak graffiti written on the teacher’s head, or on the demon’s own head (and Killian can somehow see it through the teacher’s mortal shell)? I wasn’t sure about that aspect either.

      Oh, and ‘How about I send you straight to her lap?’ is both an amusing and suprisingly badass one-liner! Very well done. 😀

      1. Laribhaven Avatar
        Laribhaven

        Well, I didn’t explain very well but I kinda had this idea that Killian can see somethings when demons are manifesting, especially in such a physic way -since V’iolanté is shedding through the teacher’s skin. So it’s the name is etched in his demon head, but is showing through the shell. He is clearly preteen messing up with his powers so he didn’t quite planned everything right.

        1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
          Calliope Rannis

          Ahh that’s a cool idea! Makes sense, the demon hunter having extrasensory powers like that. Very neat! ^w^

  19. King_Nix Avatar
    King_Nix

    “Better Your Devil”
    By King_Nix

    Carnage and ruin surrounded Heimrik. Bodies of men, dwarves, and orks alike littered the craggy beach beside the broken corpses of Gryphons and the writhing forms of dragons in their death throes. Each breath drew in the sickening smell of burning flesh, and the acrid aroma of dragon blood. The sea foamed red with viscera. The battle had been won, yet still Heimrik saw the hunger gnawing at his people’s faces.

    It was an evil thing. Some dark horror that had slithered into the hearts of the Aranai, the Dwarves as Men called them, and turned petty squabbles into hideous vendettas, twisted the desire to create wealth into an unrelenting greed. Then the dragons had come, culling the Dwarves in their own lands and taking their hoarded wealth. Why was the hunger still there?

    The earth heaved. The mountain cracked. In a roar and a torrent of fire, a massive form erupted from the ground. Glavros, the Devil-Drake, Daemon Lord of Greed, slid his gleaming bulk from the mountain and bellowed, “Puny mortals, welcome! What riches have you brought as sacrifice to your master?” Molten gold dripped from the monster’s jaws; black smoke billowed from its nostrils.

    Heimrik stepped forth, gripping his hammer with rage.
    “We come to rid ourselves of you, parasite!” he shouted. “Come and surrender, if you have honor!”

    The Daemon roared, and the battle began once more.

    Gryphons flew and struck, only to be batted away like flies before the beast. Elementalists, elite magi of Lluneria, danced their forms to combat the flames of the Lord of Greed. The Dwarves were in chaos. Some were taken by their hunger, and attacked friend and foe alike. Some buckled over, paralyzed by the disease. Heimrik stood alone.

    Suddenly, a Llunerian charged forth, wielding a great javelin. Its crystal blade captured light, shone like a sliver of the Moon as it flew, and planted in the scales of the dragon. Stuck, the shaft broke. Heimrik mounted atop a mighty Gryphon, and flew forward. He brought his hammer down upon the speartip, and drove it into the Daemon’s heart.

    1. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      An interesting take on the prompt. The dwarves’ affliction is truly devilish with how it transforms their minds. The fact that the humans teamed up with them really shows how powerful Glavros is. My only criticism is that the ending feels a bit hollow because we know they’re still going to have to deal with rampaging dwarves. Unless this is like a Power Rangers “defeat the monster and it will stop” type deal. Anyway, I hope you write more about this.

      1. King_Nix Avatar
        King_Nix

        I am actually working on a much more in depth draft of this story.
        I’ll post it to the writing share group when I finish so you can read it.
        And there’s no so much of a “everything’s better because the monster is dead” as much as it is “the monster is dead, so things will stop getting worse, and we can start recovering.” Most of the maddened dwarves are eitheer scarred for life, or drop dead from the shock of Glavros being defeated, depending on how deeply the curse had infested itself in them.

    2. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      The issues of people feeling cheated or think they were wronged are common, as we always see ourselves as right. But the darkness and hunger that can be birth from these small things can lead to many things.

      Very good instillating this with the Daemon of greed, as an outside force that was not the direct cause but drove some to it.

  20. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    A Terrible Revelation
    by Lunabear

    I tremble as the red-trimmed card stares back. With shaking hands, I bend to pick it up, but the golden letters reading ‘Big Top’s Black Magic Cabaret’ wriggle like angry snakes. I yank my hand away with a loud gasp. The three-eyed man’s voice is in my head again.

    “COME TO CIRCUS. MANY DELIGHTS AWAIT. COOOOOOOOMMMMMMEEEE.”

    I bolt from my room, tears hurrying down my face. “MAMA!! PAPA!!” I rush to my parents’ room.

    Flinging open the door, I stumble through the dark. Their bed is closer than I remember, and I ram into it, bouncing to the floor. The sudden light has me yelping, and I cover my puffy eyes.

    “Whazza matter?” Papa asks sleepily.

    “Are you alright, sweetie?”

    I rush onto the bed and throw myself into Mama’s arms.

    “Th-there was a card that fell outta my pocket, and the letters moved, and and and I heard the scary man’s voice!”

    Mama kisses my tears away and wraps me in a warm hug, making soft shushing sounds.

    “Didn’t I tell you it wasn’t real? You probably got overheated today and THOUGHT you saw those things.”

    “But, Papa–”

    “NO MORE, YOU HEAR?!”

    Papa hardly ever yells. I shake even more and hide my face in Mama’s nightshirt.

    “Garrett, don’t scream. He’s frightened enough.”

    “He’s getting too old to be afraid of monsters, Emma.”

    Papa takes me from Mama and puts me on the floor. I try to climb back up, but Papa stops me and pushes me toward the door.

    “Now, you go on to bed, Davey. And no more foolish talk about three-eyed people or evil parades.”

    I want to ask if I could sleep with them, but Papa’s serious eyes keep me quiet. My head droops and I shuffle my feet.

    “It IS real,” I insist, slowly closing the door.

    “We could at least check, dear,” Mama whispers as the light clicks off.

    “Don’t need to. He’s big enough.”

    The hallway feels longer going back. My heart gets louder with each step. I ease my head around the corner of my open doorway.

    The card has disappeared.

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Aw that’s a pretty miserable outcome. In fairness, it’s unlikely that the parents going to check the room would have helped much – the card would probably have disappeared no matter what. But it could have meant that the child *felt* better, and that would have been super valuable in this case. You don’t want your child to feel abandoned and alone when a dark circus being is calling him to its side, after all. They might just take the offer.
      Very good and creepy work Luna, well done! <3

    2. PixieWings Avatar
      PixieWings

      Ooh, the spookiness! You have a lot skill for writing things with a very innocent tone, and applying that to a story about a little kid being haunted by a dark circus hits on a great dichotomy. There’s a great feeling of dread when his parents don’t take him seriously. I will say I think some of the tension would benefit from a bit more context. I’m super curious about the dad bringing up the other things Davey saw. But that might be my own personal preference. Still a really strong piece! Lovely work, Luna!

    3. I’m so glad we got to see more of this! I think the switch to first person was definitely a good call. I really like how the father being angry sort of becomes the scariest part of this story and the other-worldliness of the parade sort of fades away, both figuratively and literally. But it still leaves that creepy sensation of “Was it really real or not?” Very well done!

    4. Matthew Avatar
      Matthew

      Yeah! A mention of snakes! 😀 This was really creepy Luna. The way the parents just dismiss the little guy really calls back to real life ghost stories and encounter reports where little kids report their parents not taking them seriously when they see a ghost. Your work really evoked that very well! I’m terrified to see where this goes. Good job!

    5. a wonderful sequel that holds its own just fine. Ugh, if only his father would listen to him, but men try to instill a ‘manly disposition’ into their sons way too early and this time it might cause more than a little psychological strain. For a child, the imagination of things to come is more scary than whats really there; i can only imagine where his mind must be running to once the card has disappeared. Poor thing ;A;

  21. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “Lesser Evils”
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane

    Rot steeled herself as she climbed down the cramped spiral staircase into the darkness. The air was suffocating and the heat was pummeling. All the while, Rot shook her head and muttered to herself.

    “Tobias is going to kill me. This is crazy. This is the worst idea I have ever had.”

    Rot sighed and as she reached the bottom, candles illuminated the area. Even so, the darkness and gravity beared down on Rot as she approached the door decorated with occult symbols. She could hear their chanting through the door. Rot took a deep breath and she kicked the door. The heavy wood went flying off of its hinges and into a robed figure, landing on top of them with a thud. Rot walked into the room as the other cultists pulled daggers. Directly across from the door was a stone altar with engravings resembling grains, gourds, and fruit. Upon it laid a boy no older than ten. Rot bit her lip as she swallowed her rage.

    The cultist closest to the boy, Rot guessed he was the head cultist, his dagger at the boy’s throat. “Well, well. An inquisitor, is it?”

    “I take it you are the Cult of the Harvest Merchant?” Rot asked, failing to maintain her calm.

    “Maybe,” said another. “Who wants to know?”

    Rot trembled in anger as she forced the words out. “Someone who needs your help.”

    Some of the cloaked figures relaxed, intrigued by the proposal. Others, the head cultist especially, tightened their grips.

    “What?” he asked, suspicion in his voice.

    “In your order’s traditions is an incantation that would help us defeat the Vast Deep’s forces,” Rot replied. “You’re all wanting a good harvest? There won’t be much of one underwater.”

    The other cultists whispered to each other as the head cultist thought to himself. “And if we help you, what then? You’ll execute us, too?”

    Rot looked at the boy. He trembled with fear.

    “We can discuss that later,” she said.

    She then turned around and exited out of the doorway. Tears rolled down Rot’s cheeks as the boy’s screams stopped.

    1. Samantha R DeShong Avatar
      Samantha R DeShong

      Oh my…this was dark and creepy and very well done! I really like the suspense of the trip down, the tension after the door is broken and then the sudden shift as a twist is introduced. But it was a good one, one that made a lot of sense. It’s clear that Rot hates what’s going on with the cult, and that she is pained from leaving the boy to certain death. But in the face of a much greater evil, you might have to bear it in order to survive. Great job!

    2. revisis Avatar
      revisis

      Ohhh damn. This is an excellent realization of the prompt. Choosing the “help” of the evil cult you know and have studied over the enemy that is threathening you both.

      Small criticism, try using “her” or an describtor “redhead” “Inquisitor” instead of Rot. In the first big paragraph you use her name alot!

      Otherwise this story is really cool! I hope we get a big battle between Rot, her nesesscary allies, and the Vast deep! Good job wolf!

    3. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      Ah, yes, the choice between the greater good and those smaller wishes we want. Two devils that have haunted our minds since conception. Choosing the greater good requires sacrifices and for one to forgo their personal desires. Choosing the smaller wishes requires the damnation of the greater world around you for your selfish desire. Both are extremely enticing. Both require careful examination. Both can easily lead down a path of no return. And for that, I can completely understand Rot’schoices. Whatis the point in saving a single life, when all life itself is threatened to be extinguished? Very well done, Wolf.

  22. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    “His Letter”
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    He sat at the piano, hands moving across the keys mindlessly. He glanced outside as a mailman placed a small package on the porch. The boy finished the phrase and cautiously opened the door.

    The cardboard box was small, about an inch tall, and addressed specifically to him.

    He returned to the piano and opened it, then scrunched his eyebrows together.

    Who mailed a letter inside a box?

    And who used wax seals anymore?

    He opened the letter.

    “Oliver Mirthbend Jones,

    “We have heard of your talents for the arcane and wish to give you an opportunity. There is a map on the back of this paper detailing where we would like to meet you to provide further information. Please burn the envelope and box this letter was delivered in within one hour of opening.

    “Sincerely,

    “Witherleaf Archives and Laboratories.”

    Oliver set aside the letter and placed the envelope and box into the fireplace along with a match, sat back down at the piano, and continued playing.

    He hated magic. He hated being forced to wield it just by being born. He hated how it forced him to lie to his parents and the headaches and the pain—

    And he hated how it lashed out when he couldn’t contain it anymore.

    He pulled his right hand away from the keys to rub his skull, but the melody continued uninterrupted, keys sinking and lifting in perfect patterns. He lifted his left, and the song still continued. He held his head between his hands.

    Was this power something to be praised? Did anyone think he wanted this?

    Because he didn’t. He wanted it gone.

    The song didn’t stop as he crumpled the letter and tossed it into the fireplace. It didn’t stop as he screamed into the empty house.

    It only stopped when the tears did.

    He glanced at the dark fireplace. The letter was unharmed. He removed it from the ashes.

    An opportunity? To what? Stop suppressing it? Let it out and destroy whatever it wanted?

    He hid the letter behind his sheet music and returned his fingers to the keys.

    1. Laribhaven Avatar
      Laribhaven

      So many emotions here: anger, anxiety, sadness, and confusion. Seems like his powers are something that really ruin his life. And the decision is tearing him apart. The ending makes me wonder if his parents are what also what is stirring all those feelings. Great story Carrie!

    2. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      Extraordinary things are only extraordinary if we see them as good, but like here some people see it as a curse. My mind wonders how he got his point of view on magic, was it family mater? Or was it a religion thing? So many questions, and even answers just add to the questions.

      Very good all in all.

  23. Marsh Devil
    By Astrid Jones

    The necklace hung heavy around my neck. I hated it. It was full of magic-stealing silver. But it was necessary to get close to the Nain. Silver took not just my magic, but my Black Shuck scent as well. To the Nain, I would smell human.

    I sipped from my glass, reminding myself to sit like a lady. I hated dresses. And heels for that matter. I wished the night were over so I could toss the necklace in a river and go for a run on four legs. But there was a Nain to hunt.

    He’d taken three humans in our territory. The papers called him the “Marsh Devil”. It was enough to interest Stone, alpha of the common werewolf pack; my pack. It was only a matter of time before the Nain snatched a human a pack member loved. An enraged werewolf could do more damage in a night than one Nain could do in a week.

    Stone, pretending to be the hotel bar’s staff, brought me another drink.

    “A drink for the pretty lady,” he said, unnecessarily loud.

    The Nain was here.

    “I’ve never been called pretty before,” I gasped. A human lacking self-confidence was a beacon to Nains. I smiled shyly as Stone left.

    The Nain watched me from the bar. Though he was using glamour, his predatory nature was obvious. His spine was stiff, like a hound on a scent.

    “Excuse me,” he said, approaching my table. “Are you waiting for anyone?”

    “No. I’m alone.”

    “Want to walk by the river? It’s a beautiful night.” He smiled. “Almost as beautiful as you.”

    “Sounds lovely. Lead on.”

    We followed the boardwalk until the ground on the shore-side of the walkway turned to marsh. His favored killing ground.

    He stepped in front of me to block my path but froze when he saw the three mud-covered wolves who’d been following us since we’d reached the marsh.

    “Think you’re the only predator out here?” I asked, removing my necklace. I inhaled deeply, becoming Black Shuck again. My eyes glowed red. “There are things far worse than you.”

    1. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      YES! MORE WEREWOLVES! I love this world you have here, Astrid. Werewolves have always been my favorite and I love these Nain creatures. Creatures that prey upon social fears are always so fun to create and build around. However, I am having trouble seeing what is the other “Devil” in this situation. Is it the werewolves or is it the choice of hunting the Nain or letting it be? Either way I really loved this story. Very well done.

    2. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Ooooh, I love this. Everything about this feels like a magical secret agent mission, and I am all for it. Your narrator’s voice is very strong. The concept and pacing also hold it together really well. I almost feel bad for the Nain because he had no idea what was coming for him, but watching the werewolves succeed made it absolutely worth it. Overall, this is a very solid piece. Awesome job!

    3. Laribhaven Avatar
      Laribhaven

      I love it! It seems very magical and tense at the same time, but also super fun. I love the twist and how she makes herself aware of her vulnerability, only to surprise him in the end. Also It’s sounds like a amazing set up. Amazing! Keep Going Astrid!

  24. GJFuller Avatar
    GJFuller

    Strawberry Pie
    By Giovanna J. Fuller

    Two men in brightly colored, highly decorated, military uniforms shook hands. Next to them sat a contract, freshly signed with the respective leader’s signatures. This day was a long time coming, but each side was finally ready. Sacrifices had been made to put this agreement together and it was finally happening.

    “They’re going to make peace!” Griselda said excitedly. She leaned against the glasslike wall separating her from the humans. She pressed her impalpable face-like thing against the, not quite, glass. “Oh, I’m so proud.”

    Douglas belched. “Maybe.”

    “Don’t be such a downer. This means we won’t have to scour fields of bloody, mangled corpses for days on end.” She pouted and fluttered over to her companion. He was drinking, what looked like, red wine but had a vague earthy scent that fermented grapes could not produce. Griselda poured herself some from the bottle.

    He stared at her from behind the empty glass of his cup. “You do realize that our work won’t be over?”

    She made a “psh” sound with her lips.

    He leaned over to her, “I mean it, Gris. You know what happened to Farren and Gavin when their war ended?”

    “N-no…”

    He smirked. “Neither do I. Maybe they just…” He made a vague gesture and snapped his fingers.

    Griselda jumped six feet into the air and dropped back down again. “No!”

    “Yes.”

    “No.”

    “Yes.”

    “Noooooo!” She whined. “This can’t be. That-this-nooooo,” she moaned.

    Douglas chuckled. “Not much we can do. Unless…”

    She snapped to attention. “Unless?”

    “Unless we destroy that peace treaty.”

    The incomparable feminine entity cupped her hands and tapped her fingers together. “Hmm.”

    “It’d be really easy.”

    “Hmm.”

    “The wrong person dying at the wrong time.”

    “Hmm.”

    “A misfire at certain figures in the public eye.”

    “Hmm.”

    “And we’d all return to normal. You and me, back in their world, enjoying all that comes with it.”

    “Strawberry pie?”

    “Strawberry pie.”

    1. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      I’m imagining these devils as ugly, germlin looking creatures with cartoon styled faces. I really like the chaos-incarnate feel they got going, it honestly sells me on this whole piece. They’re all like a bunch of tiny Lokis running around causing chaos for very minimal reasons and I find that amazing. The strawberry pie bit was a great, just the strawberry on the banana split. Very well done, GJ.

    2. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Dang, this is very interesting, GJ! And what a great way to handle this prompt, too. Two demon-like creatures messing with the lives of mortals to get what they want? Awesome. Your dialogue also keeps the story moving very smoothly. Overall, this is a very solid and fun piece. Nice job!

    3. Matthew Avatar
      Matthew

      Strawberry pie? 😀 this was really interesting! Are this little entities meant to be psychopomp type creatures, scouring fields of the dead, looking for souls to ferry, or maybe they are something more insidious? born from the conflict and the emotions with in. feeding of the potential energy of the lives being wasted? and what did they mean their work wouldn’t be over? what does the snap imply to them? death, suffering? I don’t want sleep! I want answers! Well, I really just want to read more 🙂 intriguing story GJ!! Good job as always 😀

  25. William Maitland Avatar
    William Maitland

    “Benedictio Satanas”
    By William Maitland

    “Dammit!” I crumpled the sticky-note in frustration and tossed it across the room. The torturous feeling was pounding in my head again. That feeling of faking it. Of not being true to myself. Head full of concepts, and nothing to show for it. No substance, no meat to any of these thoughts. Time and time again, I attempted to shape the things into words. Stiff artificiality is what came out.

    I hung my head in my hands, almost wringing some hairs out. This was writing. It was supposed to be a joy! I was making characters, I was making the puppets dance! Fiction was all I knew, and I knew it well. Why, then, did I feel like such an idiot?!

    Amid this agonizing introspection, he returned, as if stepping through a door. The faint odor of ashes followed him. His clawed hand fell gently onto my shoulder, and I knew without looking that it was him. Wyrd. The devil I had conjured up in better years.

    “Having trouble, boss?” he asked. Concern felt… unnatural, coming from him.

    I slumped in my chair. “Yes, I’m having trouble. I don’t think I’m what I used to be.”

    “I hope you mean to say you’re even better,” he insisted.

    “No. Worse. I think I’ve lost the spark of it. Writing these stories, it feels so… fake.”

    He took a glance at the story on the screen. Half-sci-fi, half-self-destructive-rant. “Hm. Well, what about me? You had a real good one lined up for me, didn’t ya?”

    “Yeah, I guess I did. I mean, I made you back in, what… high school?”

    “And I’m still here, aren’t I?” His smile was uncharacteristically small and gentle. “Even after all the crap we’ve been through, I never left.”

    I couldn’t help but smile, yet still looked down. “And neither did your stories. I never felt ready to write them…”

    “You’re ready. I see it.” He grinned that row of fangs.

    I grinned back. Malign inspiration sparked back into my eyes. I felt it.

    “That’s what I like to see! Now… time to begin.”

    1. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      Ah, I see someone who is always haunted by the monsters they made. This is a really fun story you did here. I like honesty of it and I like sort of genuine Wyrd is, even though he probably is faking it in the end. Part of me just kind of hopes that Wyrd is trying to help you write something fantasic. I would love to see something Wyrd in it, they seem like a fun character to write. Though don’t let him lead you down dark alleys. Very well done.

    2. As a writer who has also experienced some of what you presented in this piece, I feel a little bit called out. But that’s a good thing! Feelings, even ones that aren’t fun, make for some of the best “write what you know” stuff that resonates with your readers. And since this resonated (oh boy, did it ever) with me, I think you’ve done a darned fine job.

    3. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      The phrase “malign inspiration” is simply the best. Concept wise, this piece is great. The metanarative, as well as litterally having it be something they know is great for this prompt. It’s glorious.

  26. Burn, Baby, Burn
    By PitL

    It took roughly seven minutes for the warehouse to catch fire.

    Yeah, I know. Not my finest performance. It’s hard to light up a ceiling without anyone catching on, I’ve noticed.

    “… Mr. Arssssil? Sssspeak when you are sssspoken to, demon!”

    Arsil? Arsil? Was that the name I was going by? It’s so hard to remember, sometimes. I need to start taking notes.

    “I’m innocent, I tell you!” I tried to spring forward, before being restrained by guards on each side. “I was in – in – uh -” I smoothly chose a plausible excuse. “Bermuda, master!”

    Note to self: figure out how I pissed off this guy. Repurpose for future unwanted job opportunities.

    The Dark Lord pulled a document from his robes. “Then why did Mr. Kern and I have a meeting this morning about ssssetting a court date with the Handssss of Darknesssssss, Bermudan Chapter?”

    Oh. Damn. Bad call. Damage control time. “You can’t trust those devils, master! They lie all the time! It’s, like, habitual! I didn’t set anything on fire!”

    “You realize you too are a devil?”

    “Yep.”

    “And, as you put it yourssself, are a habitual liar?”

    Well, that took a turn for the worse. Might be time to bail. It’s not like there’s a shortage of available minion posts. “Uh, well, yes, master, but I’m telling the truth!”

    I wonder if I could pull off that “puppy eyes” look. Hmm. The fangs won’t help, but maybe it’ll cancel out?

    Nah, better start backing away.

    The Dark Lord sighed. “Very well. I trusssst you – ”

    I started. “Wait, really?”

    He glared at me, eyes narrowed. “Yesssss. You may be a lying idiot, but at leasssst you are honessst about it.”

    I sighed, relieved. “Yessir!” I gave my best approximation of a martial salute.

    One of the guards beside me twitched. “Eh,” he grunted. “It smell smoky to anyone else?”

    Why do I feel like I forgot something?

    Alarm bells started to go off in my head, but were abruptly cut off by a flaming beam dropping from the ceiling.

    Oh well. I was getting bored of this job anyway.

    1. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      This is really funny Pit. I’m pretty sure this person is just pretending to be a tiny devil and will just change into a new form for a new job ar some point. I find it super fun to go through someone’s thought process as they are thinking through a rough situation. There is just something so fun about picking a working brain while it is stressed. I really like the fun, campy energy of this piece. Very well done, Pit.

    2. I love the humor in this piece. I also really like that the Dark Lord basically hisses when he speaks. It’s a bit of characterization that really makes him believable (and, to me, lovable).

      I do have some questions, though. Is your narrator being questioned for the fire currently burning overhead, or a different fire? Are they in the warehouse mentioned at the beginning of the story or is that what he’s being questioned about?

      It’s not super important that I know the answers. Your piece is enjoyable as it stands.

    3. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      There is something almost Pratchett-esque about the presentation of a character’s inner monologue as they try to bumble their way out of a situation that they managed to get into through their own devices. Arsil having to switch gears over and over again was a wild ride through his thoughts. I really enjoyed your piece, Pit. It was very funny. You did a great job.

    4. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Pit, you ALWAYS write some of the most humourous pieces. Apparently, the devil he knows ISN’T better than the one he doesn’t. I love how ‘Asril’ sets a fire and forgets about it. I wonder how many lives he’s lived and why he’s so nonchalant about this job, besides him being a devil, of course. Great story.

    5. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Ah this was very amusing indeed! I love how it starts with the statement that the fire takes a bit too long to start burning, and then ends with the devil basically going ‘oh wait, I set fire to this place didn’t I?’ XD
      One thing I was confused about was the Bermuda stuff. I didn’t know how or why the Dark Lord’s statement with having a meeting about a court date disproved the devil’s alibi, and just had to sorta roll with the idea that it made his excuse implausible.
      The decision of the Dark Lord to actually trust the devil anyway at the end was pretty hilarious, where Arsil’s incompetence was so significant that it looped right back into making the Dark Lord trust him again. Great story! :3

      1. Ah. Sorry if I didn’t make that clear. His “alibi” was that he was in Bermuda when whatever event the Dark Lord was displeased with occured. Unfortunately, the event occured *in* Bermuda. It’s hardly foolproof evidence but it isn’t helping his case.

        That being said, I’m glad you enjoyed it. This was a bit of a busy week for me all in all, so I was rather worried about how it would be received.

        Thanks for the comment! I don’t respond to them very often (I should really try to do that more) but I do always enjoy reading them.

  27. Twangyflame0 Avatar
    Twangyflame0

    No Honour for the Honourless
    By Twangyflame0

    Umi stood in-between the town and the Devil. Lord Hiyoshi stood in front of the band of warriors that had assembled, “Let all present listen to my magnanimous decree. If the warrior, Umi, wishes to reclaim his honour, then he will slay that devil who stands before us!”

    There was a cheer from the townsfolk. Umi looked back at the Devil. He looked at the person who forged his first sword, who fed him as a child, who helped him learn what he needed, and had been there since as far back as he could remember. Umi looked at his large and imposing Devil of a father. He then looked at the town. The people he knew and helped. His comrades and friends. The lord he was supposed to serve. The people he was supposed to protect. He looked back one more time to see his father, with no words, begging him to leave for Umi’s own safety.

    There was a silence for a moment as Umi looked to the ground. He then slowly turned to face his lord, and everyone felt the air grow cold, “There is nothing more dishonorable than one’s Lord asking them to kill their own father.”

    He calmly put a hand on the grip of his katana; the ground around him froze over, “I need no honour from the likes of you, Hiyoshi, so if any warrior thinks they can best me, then I will ensure them a quick trip to Yomi.”

    There was another prolonged silence after that. The Lord himself seemed stricken with horror at Umi’s proclamation. Umi mentally prepared to die…

    But then was surprised to see the masked naginata-wielding twins walk beside him. The elder sister looked at him, “We owe you debt, and that cannot be repaid, if you die.”

    The ground shook as a large man, holding a giant club, walked up beside Umi as well, “If anyone thinks they can best the Ox, I will grant them a painful death.”

    “You would protect a Devil?” Umi asked.

    “No,” the younger twin said. “But we would help a friend.”

    1. GJFuller Avatar
      GJFuller

      The decision here was so good, though I am glad that Umi chose his father in the end. I like how he decided to handle it too. The line “There is nothing more dishonorable than one’s Lord asking them to kill their own father.” was perfect; nicely diplomatic while at the same time turning the blame on Lord Hiyoshi.
      The only nitpick I would have would be I would have liked introspection to take up more of the piece. Seeing the struggle between the two decisions would have been quite entertaining, but I guess if you had included that then we wouldn’t have been able to see the twins come to his aid.
      All in all, I really like the decision you’ve presented us with.
      Good work!

    2. I really enjoyed the direction you took in response to this prompt. His father may be the Devil, but he is capable of love and of teaching his foster child to be honorable. How wholesome and refreshing!

      A bit of nit-pickiness I will throw at you, though, is this: there are places where “lord” should be capitalized, like when you are referring to a title or using it as the character’s name, and places where it should not be capitalized, like when you are using it as a simple noun. It’s one of those weird grammar things that isn’t a super big deal, but one that’ll make me get out my imaginary red pen every time.

      If that’s the only thing I can gripe about on first read-through, then you’ve done a pretty darn good job! Great piece, Twangy!

    3. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Oh this was a awesome scene! While the motivation for the devil’s intent could be suspect at first, the silent attempt to get Umi to leave and save his own life pretty strongly indicated to me that there was genuine love there. And not just from him either! It was really heartwarming to see the twins and the Ox join his side for what is right over their duty to their morally dubious Lord.

      I could see the scene clearly in my mind’s eye, even though the actual description of scenery was nearly non-existant – I just came up with a dramatic night-time scene lit by the torches of the town anyway. I also liked the little touches of the ice effects of Umi’s power building up as he got ready to fight.

      Overall, really cool and cathartic-feeling scene, great work! 😀

    4. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Twangy, this immediately takes me back to feudal Japan mixed with a bit of a western. I love the nobility of Umi. He faces down a lord and an entire town so he can spare his Devil daddy, whom he loves very much. This is tense and heartwarming when the townsfolk stand with Umi against Hiyoshi. Love the atmosphere, and I love that Umi is willing to risk death for his father. Excellent job.

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