Writing Group: So THAT’S What it Does! (PRIVATE)

Hello, you curious thing!

I know you’ve come expecting something specific, but prepare your inquisitive little brain. All is not as it seems. The answers you receive here are bound to be quite different from the ones you seek, because…

This week’s writing group prompt is:

 

So THAT’S What it Does!

 

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

 

 

My first thought was that this prompt was going to be comedic. Either you find out the doomsday device is actually just an alien salt shaker, or you find out that your salt shaker is actually an alien doomsday device.

But after chatting with everyone on stream about it, I’ve realized there are a lot of other angles to this as well.

You could play it straight—you actually just find out how something you didn’t understand works. You could play it for character dynamics—someone is preventing you from finding out how something works, for good or ill, and you find out anyway. You could play it for personal development—you had a lot of assumptions about something, but you finally allowed yourself to give it a proper shake and it isn’t at all what you built it up to be in your mind.

Lots of different ways to write this thing, and they aren’t all about some silly reversal, regardless of what the CAPS in the prompt title might have told you.

But there is one thing all these different approaches have in common: a revelation.

At its heart, this is a story about coming into information you didn’t have, or information you didn’t expect to have, and being very caught off guard by it.

So, surprise us. What can you lead us as an audience to believe, and how will it turn out actually to be so very far from the truth? Don’t just give your characters that moment of realization, give it to us as well.

I want to read your story and go “ohhhh, so THAT’S what this does!”

 

 

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Friday at 7:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit, and get ready to help each other improve their confidence in their writing, as well as their skill with their craft!

 

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least six stories during each stream, three of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
    6. No additional text styling (such as italics or bold text). Do not use asterisks, hyphens, or any other symbol to indicate whether text should be bold, italic, or styled in any other way. CAPS are okay, though.
  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new (no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    6. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    7. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

137 responses to “Writing Group: So THAT’S What it Does! (PRIVATE)”

  1. Indecision and Time Loops
    by Brickosaur

    So, time loops.

    Y’know, those things where somebody goes back and gives their past self the deus ex machina and and you never figure figure out the actual origin of the item?

    Yeah, those.

    It seems like those loops are never-ending and presumably never-beginning. Problem is, that violates every known law of interdimensional society, not to mention physics. And it renders the looping object totally arbitrary. It could be anything. They saved the day with a peach pit once!

    We’ve gotta be missing something. And that thing happens to tie into our only point of free will, and the sole thing that creates branching universes.

    I’m talking
    about Random Decisions.

    These are, in fact, a native feature of the multiverse, down to the quantum level. An electron has a given spin and we there’s no reason for that — it just randomly developed one or the other. Superposition has particles in multiple places at once. Scale that up, and you’ve got all those thousand little moments every day where you make a decision totally arbitrarily. It could have gone the other way, and it does.

    That’s where all these universes come from.

    Indecision is the most powerfully creative force in existence.

    Back to time loops.

    Though you never see it in time travel shows, they DO have a beginning. Simply, these time loops start when one person decides to go back and change their past self’s actions in some way. When their task is done, they go on with their life, having casually created another timeline in parallel.

    Since the person receiving the help is the same as the giver, they often conclude that they have to help themself in turn. And on and on, for any number of loops.

    Until one of those arbitrary decisions is made. In the spiral, they all go the same way, or else small arbitraries cancel out.

    But there is one critical point where
    BOOP
    New decision!

    And the loop exits.

    The person doesn’t do the past thing, no new timelines are created, and the universe balances.

    But the multiverse is so much heavier.

  2. “An Ancient Ritual”

    By Derek McEldowney (Deviacon)

    The artifact felt like it was carved from bone, if bone were capable of being such a color. Dark and polished, smooth like oil, but when its edges and divots and carvings caught the light of the campfire they reflected a deep green.

    “I’m tellin’ ya this was a bad idea. We shoulda’ never agreed t’ bring ya here.” The old man growled under his breath just loud enough for me to hear.

    The small group of villagers that accompanied the old man and myself through the mountain paths had spent most of the day muttering to themselves, second guessing their decisions to aid the old man they revered so much.

    “I told you, you didn’t have to stay with me, you could have set up camp a bit further down before it got too dark.”

    “Hmph, y’re the one who just had t’ keep poking around. ‘Sides someone’s got t’ keep an eye on ya and make sure ya don’t do anythin’ stupid.” The old man uneasily eyed the clearing of the stony ruins where we were forced to set up camp. I rolled the dark object around in my hand. The air felt heavier than before.

    “So, any idea what part of the old ritual this might have played?” I held up the small multifaceted artifact.

    “Don’t know, don’t care. Should just get rid of it.” A young man next to me said with disdain without taking his eye off of my hand.

    “Perhaps, but—”

    “It’s bad luck! You’re messin’ with things you shouldn’t!” Another villager snatched the artifact from my hand and quickly tossed it into the fire.

    Before I could open my mouth to protest the young man next to me cried out in horror and went running into the night like a madman. The rest of us looked around with trepidation and soon noticed ominous ephemeral images looming around us. As all of the villagers dashed headlong out of camp and into the mountainous night, I watched carefully as the flames refracted dancing emerald light off of the artifact.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      So, did the narrator sacrifice all these people to whatever deity or being he worships? Because that’s what it feels like happened. I love the use of the unknown and superstition in the story. The bone design is also freaking amazing. Other than a few issues with commas, I have no critiques. Really great stuff!

      1. The idea was more like this strange item just produces these weird creepy spectral looking images when thrown into a fire and the villagers ran off out of fear. I’m honestly not very happy with this story. I couldn’t think of anything and just started writing a description to see where that took me.

    2. Neat scene! I feel like this is just the first bit of a whole story which would be fascinating to play out. Damn that word count XD

      I was drawn in right from the first sentence, so good job crafting it! Right in the middle of the scene — I like that.

      It’s also pretty cool that you had the artifact as an anchor — kind of the central thing, that conversation piece in the middle of the dinner table — but that the story was really about interactions between people of different beliefs and levels of fear.

  3. Mightier than the Sword
    By Nostalgic Novelist aka Monty

    She has heard of books before, never imagining she would hold one in her very hands. She was one of the few people left in the world that could understand the content of this sole survivor, but it was what she found next to the book that got her intrigued.

    What was this device? It looked just like a regular stick; only there was a point at the end. It was sharp but not sharp enough to stab a man. The other end of the stick had a removable tip that she realized could be placed on the more pointed end to make it look like a dull stick. She removed the thing and put it back on the end where it originated, so as she could see the pointed end again.

    If she couldn’t use it for stabbing, then what the hell was the stick’s purpose?

    She began to twist and turn the various parts of the stick before finding out she could remove both ends of it. By removing the pointed end, she found out that the stick was hollow; besides the screw that kept the stick together, she found nothing of importance except for a little cartridge that contained some kind of liquid. After some more twisting and turning, she managed to get the cartridge out of its place; in doing so, however, she spilled the liquid everywhere.

    Despite the mess, she was more curious than annoyed. The liquid looked too dirty to drink, but it left marks no matter how many times she tried to wipe it away. Still not discouraged, she took a closer look at the liquid before noticing it got on the book.

    Funny. The liquid left the same kind of color as the writing in the book.

    Is it possible?

    Furiously, she put the stick back together. After making sure it worked, she turned to one of the many blank pages in the book and brought the pointed end to the paper.

    She gasped. She couldn’t believe her eyes. Surely it couldn’t be.

    It was.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Oooooh, Monty, I really like this one. Is the girl an alien, or is this when pens were first introduced? I do love the exploration and discovery of the pen. It’s quite whimsical and has a nice charm to it.

      My one critique is the frequent use of “the stick”. I believe “it” is a fine substitute, however, this is only my opinion.

      This does nothing to take away from the fun of the story. Great job.

    2. I adore this grand and dramatic style of storytelling for things that are really rather common and mundane (at least to us.) It’s heartwarming and a little epic to see someone discover in real time this amazing instrument that enables us to put our thoughts on the outside, into a place that could last much longer than our very mortal meat brains.

      There looks like a little tense inconsistency between the first couple paragraphs and the rest of it. Pretty minor issue. Overall, superbly written ^.^

  4. Amy Trow Avatar
    Amy Trow

    Mental Barriers
    By minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

    “Hey Daisy?”

    “Hm?”

    “How much control do you have over your magic?”

    “Hm… well, I’m able to call it out at will to punch things!” Daisy demonstrated “That’s pretty cool!”

    “Yes it is, but…” He continued. “But have you tried manipulating it beyond that? I imagine with the one skill mastered, you’d want to move on to more challenging spellwork.”

    “I…Uh…” For the first time, Marshal witnessed her go sheepish. “I dunno. I guess I COULD… but I’m not sure if it’s the best idea.”

    “Hasn’t stopped you before.” He quipped. She gave him a deadpan look over her sunglasses.

    “I know, I know, but this is different! I like the idea of doing other stuff with my powers, but the Archangels always told me I shouldn’t do it on my own. They don’t really know how I work, so I should just stick to what I know. Can’t get hurt if you never do things differently!” She laughed sheepishly.

    “But that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Going through harrowing experiences to hone your skills? Why would you just use the one skill if things keep getting harder?” Marshal moved on his lawn chair, facing her. “Daisy, I know science. And science tells us you’ll never improve if you never experiment! If you never try to break boundaries, you’ll never be able to find where they truly lie. Now… who’s the one always telling me to do the very same? And dragged me out here to prove it?”

    She laughed a little, making him smile. “I guess I could stand to be more adventurous with my magic… I’ll see if I can maybe try something next mission.”

    They shared a mutual smile before sitting back down on their chairs. They fell back into their activities, Marshal reading his book while Daisy looked up at her hands. She still felt nervous about doing something new. What if the leaders found out? What if she did get hurt? She might not be able to do this…

    Well…

    Don’t know until you try. And trying was something she could do.

    1. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      Oh, Daisy is about to do something dumb. I wonder how much trouble she’ll get herself in this time. But I like that it is something dumb in a controlled manner. That she is doing something she thinks might work, but actually testing it first. I also think this has an interesting take on the prompt, sort of the moment right before pressing the metaphorical big red button if you will. Good stuff!

    2. I loved this story, partially because it seems like a conversation between my last two brain cells right before I do something extremely stupid. I wonder what will happen? It would either be something amazing or something dangerous, I’d imagine. Either way, the story left me wanting more and I always enjoy that with your writing. Keep up the good work!

    3. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This was sweet! Very appropriate that Marshall should demand the same standards from Daisy in terms of self-improvement as she does from him! 😀 I can deffo understand the feelings of Daisy here – it’s hard to break from your usual patterns of solution, especially when 1. The situation could possibly be genuinely dangerous, and 2. Your leaders have specifically told you not to do that.

      But of course, that’s not a satisfying place to be. I suspect Daisy was already becoming aware of the walls of her rut, and this conversation might be what she needs to escape it. After all, she is one for taking daring risks! Great work Froggie! :3

  5. MysteryElement Avatar
    MysteryElement

    Innocent Questions
    By MysteryElement

    It’s amazing how a single question can take you from mind-numbing boredom to bone-chilling anxiety in a single moment. I stare at Pepper, trying to process if I had heard correctly.

    “I’m sorry, what did you say, Sweetie?”

    “Daddy, how did Mommy get pregnant?” her cheeks were puffed and red, lips pinched in a cute assimilation to a frown, looking very annoyed.

    “This might be a better question for Mommy.”

    “I asked already!” she whined “And she said to ask you.”

    Thanks Leslie! I can see her in my mind’s eye, a devilish grin on her face as she prepares a snack and listens from the kitchen. That sassy, sexy troublemaker. Pepper still stared at me expectantly. What am I even supposed to say?

    “Well, Sweetie, uh…” I become aware of my own breathing, raising my anxiety “When two people love each other very much,” dear god, I sound like the first half of a punch-line. “The Daddy will give a gift to Mommy, so that she can make a baby for them.”

    “Hah!” Leslie guffawed from the kitchen, choking on her breath a bit.

    I made a face in the kitchen’s direction before turning back to Pepper, her brow scrunched in thought.

    “What did you give Mommy?”

    No! No, nononono! I can hear Leslie squeaking, trying desperately to not laugh at my predicament.

    “I can’t tell you, Sweetie. It is a special gift only a Mommy and Daddy share. When you are older Mommy will explain it a little better.”

    …Ten Years Later…

    It’s amazing how a single statement can take you from mind-numbing boredom to bone-chilling anxiety in a single moment.

    “Oh my god, Dad!” Pepper shouts from down the hall before storming into the living-room. “‘A Daddy gives a special gift to Mommy?’ Are you serious?!”

    I sit stunned, my eyes practically falling out of my head as I stare at my daughter, the memory of that long forgotten conversation resurfacing in my mind like a Kraken coming to devour me. From the hallway, I see Leslie emerge with a charming, evil grin on her face. Shit.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Mystery, I love every single thing about this. But it usually does take the innocence of children to make us flounder and look like big old silly heads. You’ve captured a loving family incredibly well and so realistically. I love how the mom makes the father the heavy and just provides no backup in answering that question while still laughing at him. Then to have the daughter confront the dad 10 years later about his explanation. Brilliant. What did she expect him to tell her, exactly? She was too young to know the truth. And he wasn’t that far off from it, actually.

      This is my only critique:

      “I asked already!” she whined(.)

      I’m laughing now, but I dread this day. I am not looking forward to having to explain where children come from to my child, so I completely relate with the dad’s predicament. Excellent.

    2. I am absolutely dying after reading this. This piece is hysterical! Something technical you did that I really liked as well was tying the beginning and end of the story/the two time periods together with the same phrase. It worked quite well for this piece. I also like the imagery of a memory rising like a Kraken. It adds some wonderful flavor to the story. Wonderful job!

    3. Oh my god, I was literally screaming with laughter. The dreaded question for every mom and dad, huh? I think the ending made me cry even louder. A special gift, my god. This was peak humor, from the dad’s distress to the mother’s mischievous grin. I would love to see more humorous content from you. Now excuse me while I keep laughing my head off.

    4. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This was the most adorable thing! And really not that bad an explaination to be quite honest. XD I loved the dynamic between him and Leslie even though they didn’t even say any words to each other in the entire story! Just super wholesome and good feeling times. Very lovely job! <3

  6. Dad’s Masterpiece
    By NocteVesania

    “What the fuck is this supposed to be?” Jake, my older brother, asked as I set the device on the table. It was a white globe, smooth like polished glass.

    “He said he’d show us once he’d finished it,” I answered. “I guess he never did.”

    Dad was an electronics engineer. Whenever he was working on something, he would show it to us. I always loved it when the tiny bulbs lit up, coming to life in different colors.

    “Figures.” Jake looked away, his brow furrowed as he stared out the window.

    When mom left, dad started drinking heavily. One day, when Jake was 16, he got in an argument with dad. In the end, Jake left the house, never to return.

    When dad was diagnosed with cancer, he locked himself in the basement, working day and night until he had passed. Now, with dad gone, Jake finally paid me a visit.

    Jake spoke again. “So, you’re telling me he poured everything he had into this little project, and we—”

    “So that’s why you came back? Inheritance?”

    “No! I came to check up on you!”

    “Why? Are you worried about me? What about all those years, when you left me to care for dad, all alone? Weren’t you worried about me then?”

    He didn’t answer.

    I sighed. “Why did you leave?”

    “I just couldn’t live like that. I felt there was something better for me out there.”

    I didn’t know what to say.

    “I figured you could handle it. You were always the smarter one.” He placed his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’ve always wanted to come back, but I was too afraid.”

    Tears started streaming down my cheeks.

    “What about this thing?” My voice trembled as I placed my hand on the device. I never liked baring my feelings, so I tried changing the subject.

    “Let’s find out together,” he said as he wrapped his arms around me. “Don’t worry, big bro’s here now.”

    We never really found out what the globe was for, but we found something it did:

    It brought us brothers back together.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Awwwww! Nocte, this one is darling, sad, and sweet. It really pulls at the heartstrings. I love how closed off Jake is at the beginning, and slowly over time becomes more open as he accepts their father’s death. and despite the tragic events, the brothers are still able to work out their grievances and mend their family. The subversion of the functionality of the bulb is also a great touch. You put so much passion in your stories. Excellent job.

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Oh, I actually love how the globe ended up functioning in the story. You already set up the idea right at the start – that the father had never shown them the globe, which meant it was never finished, and could never do what the father had wanted it to do. So the reveal at the end makes perfect sense – the globe was a mystery that had gone to the grave with its creator, but the act of trying to find that mystery out was all that was needed to reunite the estranged brothers.
      The dialogue progression was very good too – Jake starts off somewhat confrontational and aggressive, but it quickly breaks down as they rediscover their bond. This was a lovely piece, very well done! <3

    3. Lari B. Haven Avatar
      Lari B. Haven

      That’s such a heartfelt story. I really like the set up. It seemed like the Dad tried to pour his grief in something productive, even though it never finished. At the same time it was the perfect thing to help the brothers work through their relationship.
      Really loved the execution, congrats Nocte.

  7. Gregory Hess Avatar
    Gregory Hess

    “The truth” [Lily’s Story]
    By gregovin

    The Orb of Truth. Fought over. Guarded. Ignored for hundreds of years.

    Then Doctor Maloron showed up and, as we fought them, we found it.

    Supposedly, it grants whoever touches it access to some terrible, world-shattering revelation. There are even rumors that this knowledge is powerful.

    I doubt that. Doctor Maloron touched it and broke down. He was an easy kill.

    I maintain a reasonable distance from the Orb, noting its features as I move around it. It looks like a green gem, cloudy and mysterious. But perfectly spherical.

    Edward speaks up. “Lily, what do you make of it?” He sounds… tired. Just done. I hope he’s ok.

    “Uh, it’s a magical artifact and it’s absolutely terrif-” I trip over something and start to fall. I put my hands in front of me. Only a moment too late do I realize I am falling toward the Orb.

    My hand grazes the Orb.

    A memory drags me back. We’re walking by a mountain. The mountain disappears for a split second. I… remember this? I must have been seeing things? Why is the Orb showing me this? What is the revelation?

    I realize something. The mountain did disappear. And the sign was scrambled. And the Grandma was supposed to remember us. It all… happened. What did it all mean? I… don’t get it.

    Then my perspective is pulled out of my body. Away from the ground. Up. Up. Up. Past the highest clouds. Toward the moon. As I go up, I notice something about the moon. It looks… flat. Fake. Wrong. It is all of those things.

    Does this mean our world isn’t real? No. It can’t be. Not possible. That doesn’t make sense.

    Then I briefly see a rack of metal boxes with blinking lights replace my world, and I know my world is not real.

    I’m brought back toward the world, this revelation crushing me. Then I notice the world is spinning faster. I’m seeing a future, I know it. The world starts to vanish, bit by bit, until it disappears wholesale.

    I wake up. I KNOW.

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Oooh this is a super cool idea! I wonder what the purpose of the Orb is within this simulated world – something the developers just put in for fun to fuck with the simulated population? Some manifestation of a vital core process within the sim? Or something else entirely, maybe not even intended by the original creators? All interesting things to think about.

      One minor error: “Doctor. Maloron touched it and broke down” has a full stop where there probably should not be one.

      I also really liked the scenes the Orb showed Lily, slowly breaking down more and more of her concepts of reality until it is eroded entirely. Whatever this Orb and it’s process is, it seems clearly intentional in design – and why would such a thing *be* designed? A fasinating little story here, well done! 😀

    2. Simon D. Field Avatar
      Simon D. Field

      1. “Uh, it’s a magical artifact and it’s absolutely terrif”. Run-on sentence. You ought to separate independent clauses with punctuation marks even when you have a conjunction.
      2. “for a split second, before reappearing”. Before reappearing is absolutely redundant. If you specify that a mountain disappears for a finite period of time, one can infer the reapparance.

      Two nitpicks, Greg. Your grammar and structure are certainly getting better.

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I really enjoyed this one, Greg. I also like that you build up the orb and give a demonstration of what it can do based on the evil dude who touched it. I also like what it does and why that explains his reaction to it. Lily’s dream/vision is really interesting, as well. Good story!

  8. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    An Unexpected Awakening
    By Calliope Rannis

    Inside her cage of exotic metals, Nyssa jerked awake.

    “AGH-ah, ah…huh?” she breathed, trying to get her bearings. The cage was sideways, that much was evident. The side above her was concerningly distorted by the weight of whatever lay above it, and she could see broken stone through the porthole to her left. But – thank the stars – faint light permeated through the other side.

    Struggling onto her hands and knees, Nyssa pushed her weight against the cage door, and with excruciating effort managed to shove it open. Crawling out of her failed tomb, she stood and looked down at herself. Cuts, bruises, marks all over her body…so why didn’t they hurt?

    Well, some hurt. That cut on her arm burned, a large scrape on her belly radiated pain, a bruise just behind her ear throbbed through her skull. But so many other wounds had minimal to no pain. Why? WHY??

    Then she remembered something else. She gingerly pulled her dusty robe away from her chest, shuddering at what lay beneath.

    A black, perfectly circular burn mark, surrounded by a ring of reddened skin, where she had touched a metal cable to the flesh directly above her heart. It was completely numb.

    Nyssa spun her gaze away from her body, turning around to face the ruin she had staggered out of. There laid the shattered wreck of her device, mixed with the broken rubble of the tower she had housed it in.

    This wasn’t supposed to happen. None of this. It wasn’t meant to- She was meant to-

    She looked back at her shaking hands. As she stared, a tiny rivulet of electricity jumped from one finger to the next. Then another, and another, jumping across her palms and radiating up through her arms. She flicked her wrist, and a single errant spark leaped from a finger, fading into the air.

    Somehow, the one thing Nyssa had never expected to happen had occurred. The one thing they had all told her, to the point where she had even believed it herself, could never actually happen.

    The experiment had succeeded.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Oh, wow, Calliope. This one is so sad and terribly visceral. A curious, frightening situation Nyassa finds herself in. What’s the experiment she’s involved in? Now that it’s succeeded, how will they use her? This story encompasses dread and hopelessness. I’m fearful of what comes next, but I’m morbidly anticipating it. Outstanding job.

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Well, it may provide you some small comfort that there is no ‘they’ to use her. Everything that happened here is, in one way or another, her doing. Nobody else either wanted or allowed her to do such a thing, and the reasons why she did it anyway were…not healthy ones.

        But yes, dread and fear do certainly permeate this story – but also awe, and maybe even a fragment of hope. This is a brand new stage of Nyssa’s life, for good and for ill. Maybe not her happiest one. Maybe far from that. But that’s her choice to make, now.

        Thank you for your review. <3

    2. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      Well, I wonder what happened to turn this place to ruin. While she seems ecstatic, the place around seems to have been destroyed. Which is not a good sign to be honest. She gives off mad genius vibes a little with this experiment, and I can definitely see how even though it worked it might not be good for her. Good job!

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Yeahhhhh, let’s just say the experiment and the incredible destruction left behind now aren’t exactly unrelated. And while she is certainly in awe at the result of her work, it is not in the absence of fear, either. After all, even Nyssa didn’t expect this result, and the side-effects left behind are both many and serious…

    3. Amy Trow Avatar
      Amy Trow

      Ooooh, interesting! This story has a whole bunch of intrigue. What sort of experiment was she doing? Why did it cause stuff to go haywire? Why didn’t she expect it to work? I believe this is the character you told me about too, so I’m excited to see more of her character and her deal! So overall, great job! This story be good!

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        This is indeed the character I told you about! Thank you for your comment, I really liked writing for her. <3

  9. DesOttsel Avatar
    DesOttsel

    Seeing with New Eyes
    by Gage Jarman

    Alice stood in front of the mirror staring at herself in the changing room in the back corner of a Victoria Secret. She grabbed the pudge poking out over the top of the lingerie. She looked up and down her lanky body, her gut that slightly poked out, her pale skin which only made the body acne more apparent.

    “I look like a fucking goblin…”

    Alice turned away from the mirror and put her clothes back on.

    She walked out to see her boyfriend waiting for her.

    “Didn’t find anything?”

    “No, they just weren’t comfortable.”

    “That’s too bad. I can never find pants that fit either.” He laughed.

    The couple walked through the mall before seeing a small booth labeled “Dream Bods” shoved off into the corner.

    “Oh babe, let’s get a photo.” He tugged on her arm.

    “Why? We can take one anywhere. We have phones.”

    “Come on, I’ll buy it. It’ll be fun.”

    Alice sighed. “Fine.”

    They stepped through the curtain. There were several filters, none of which made sense. Alice chose “Acceptance” and watched the timer count down. The screen flashed four times. Alice reluctantly put on the helmet.

    Her goggles were black for some reason. She wondered if it was broken, but there was sound playing, a peaceful droning, like the ocean or rainfall. Her head felt a little dizzy. She rested it on Marco’s shoulder. She felt calm. She didn’t know the last time she felt this good. Marco was saying something to her, but she just wanted to sit here for a while longer.

    Marco pulled the helmet off Alice. “You alright?”

    Her eyes refocused. “…Yeah I just really liked the music.”

    “Music?” Marco furrowed his brow. “Mine was just some cheap slideshow.” He shrugged.

    “Weird. Anyways, let me see those photos.”

    “You want to see?” Marco smirked. “You never want to see your pictures.”

    “What, I love my body!” Alice snatched them out of his hand, smiling, and looked down at the photos. “I really do have a nice smile,” she thought. “I should get something to flaunt at Marco.” Alice smirked.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Who are you and what have you done with Des? LOL. I tease. This is mondo sweet and heartwarming. I think we all can relate to Alice on some kind of level because there is always something that people are not going to like about themselves, whether it be physical, mental, or emotional. I really love how sweet and supportive Marco is and how accepting of Alice he is throughout the story.

      These are my critiques:

      her gut that slightly p(o)ked out

      “That’s too bad(.)I can never find pants that fit either.” He laughed(.)

      Why(?) (W)we can take one anywhere.

      Marco was saying something to her, but she just wanted to sit her(e) for a while longer(.)

      “Music?” Marco furrowed his brow(.) “Mine was just some cheap slideshow.” He shrugged(.)

      Alice snatched them out of his hand(,) smiling.

      I especially adore how Alice finds something about herself that she likes and is positively receptive to instead of dwelling on the negative, or what she perceives to be the negative, about herself. A darling piece! Great job!

      1. DesOttsel Avatar
        DesOttsel

        Oh, I guess the booth altering her perspective and mind didn’t get across. Damn word count haha.

        Also, why am I so bad at copy editing ;-;

    2. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      Her negative self image is self reinforcing, but I love how this relatively simple thing seems to boost it. One step at a time. I also love how supportive her bf is and her internal monologue is great. It’s pretty clear that her bf just doesn’t quite know about the negative self image stuff. Cool stuff!

    3. Thought this was gonna be a Wonderland remix.
      Bamboozled!
      It’s a great story though. Flows well, and themes of journeying through uncomfortable places to experience new things and learn to love your own life and self —
      Wait a minute . . .
      Bamboozled AGAIN!

  10. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    Right Lever?

    By Jesse Fisher

    “I’m getting deja vu on this hallway.” The dragoness commented as she and her armored companion moved deeper into this arena that they found themselves in.

    “Demon’s happy place?” The armored one replied as his helmet darkened his face yet his missed matched eyes seemed visible.

    Peering over the corner both of them noticed the lack of anything stopping them. The sounds from deeper in did tell them that there were living things around but this area seemed to be left unguarded for some reason.

    “Correct my warrior in war armor.” The metallic sand yellow dragon purred. “But this is very much a complex that he could not have been to.”

    “Aren’t dreams minor doorways to other worlds that we might never visit?”

    “Please don’t go down that rodent tunnel, I get enough of that from my brother at home.”

    Having moved from one section to deeper in it was then that they did find a group of mixtures of avian and feline creatures. Griffins, as Korun called them from under his helmet, dressed in white robes near a lever of some type.

    “Oleander,” Korun spoke in a very hush voice not knowing how good the sound from deeper in the building would cover his voice. “I’m going to try and feign being one of the guards while I am doing that. I want you to put them all to a sleep that won’t lift until we get Demon out of here.”

    The dragoness nodded as the armored god marched to the group, and almost as soon as they noticed him, the griffins bare their claws, ready to attack. Oleander did a quick cast to stop them all, and hit Korun in the same blast.

    Orlander picked up the love of her life and woke him up.

    “You know it is hard to tell when a dream ends when you are around.”

    “Save the sweet talk for later.”

    There was this lever, unguarded and ready for the pair.

    “Wonder what it does?” Korun asked.
    “One way to find out.” was the response as she pulled it.

    A shaking ground replied.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Toacoy, this is a fantastical story. I’m glad to see Korun return, but I don’t believe I know Oleander. This feels like a quest for a mystical item.

      My only critiques are:

      Pee(r)ing over the corner

      Korun spoked (spoke) in a very hush(ed) voice

      as soon as they noticed him(,) the griffins bear (bared) their claws(,)

      The touch of romantic element took me by surprise, but it’s nice. Cool cliffhanger, too. Very good story.

      1. jesse fisher Avatar
        jesse fisher

        Thank you, believe it or not been on a somewhat chapter format for a larger stories if you go back over the past prompts.

        And good on it feeling like a quest that means the true idea is hidden while being strong enough to make others think of it independent of the overall story.

  11. Connor/Dragoneye Avatar
    Connor/Dragoneye

    “Crappy Sketches” Submitted by Connor/Dragoneye

    So, I was scrolling through piles and piles of old papers that I kept for who knows how long, when I stumbled upon some real ancient stuff. The classic battlefield sketch, where a whole host of characters are clashing in battle, many of them wielding absurdly large blades and accompanied by dragons. Lots of dragons.

    “Oh, man, what a throwback,” I thought to myself as I immersed myself into the old lore of these once crumpled pieces of line paper, like they were ancient tomes in an archive, containing a long forgotten history. From battle to battle, there seemed a couple of recurring characters among the roster. A Sauron-looking titan with a mace, mounted on a wyvern, and a winged dual-wielding figure, floating in the sky and tearing a rift in the dimensions.

    Hold on a second. Was I making lore before I began my normal endeavors? I mean, I made worlds and settings beforehand, but one that’s mostly original? That sounded a little crazy.

    I remember that I essentially ripped off whatever piece of media I was obsessed with at the time, but something that’s its own thing made by me before I began the lore of Auvus sounded odd. But, there it was, a cast of characters that appeared in a world full of dragons, giant spiders, and angelic beings.

    “Oh. I was building a world when I was 12… I feel old now.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Connor! So happy to see your writing here again! This is a very straightforward piece of metafiction. I enjoyed the way you navigated through this story and how you revisited some of the worlds you made when you were younger. This is incredibly sweet.

    2. Simon D. Field Avatar
      Simon D. Field

      Nitpicks provided.

      1. ” once crumpled pieces of line paper”. Once-crumpled is one adjective and must be hyphenated.
      2. ” long forgotten history”. Here long-forgotten is one adjective. This means it must be hyphenated.
      3. “From battle to battle, there seemed a couple of recurring characters “. There seemed to BE a couple of recurring characters.
      4. “But, there it was”. Comma unneded here.

    3. Lari B. Haven Avatar
      Lari B. Haven

      Who never revisited its old writings and saw how much we evolved. This is a very good piece of metafiction. Also I like the direction it takes the promp. By analyzing the things that inspired and molded us in the past, it finally clicks: “So that’s why I came up with it!” “So that’s how I work”.
      I liked very much Connor! Keep going!

  12. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    The Perfect Date
    by Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    The day had grown very late. The sky turned several brilliant shades of red and purple as the sun made its journey to the other side of the planet. Below the beautiful heavens, on a park bench near a cliff, Rebecca and Ollie sat arm in arm watching the elegant display.

    Rebecca laid her head on Ollie’s shoulder and sighed. “See? Aren’t you glad you let me choose the date this time?” she asked in a relaxed tone. “Instead of tempting some esoteric god to deliver us goodies, we get to watch the sunset together.”

    Ollie said nothing as he sat beside her.

    “Seriously, though.” Rebecca said, a bit louder this time. “I feel like I’ve died and been trapped in a Monet landscape painting. It’s bliss.”

    Ollie remained perfectly still.

    Rebecca shook Ollie gently, and he snapped back into reality. She cried, annoyed. “Ollie, did you fall asleep on our date?!”

    Ollie looked apologetically at Rebecca. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t sleeping. I was meditating. I guess I was a bit too relaxed.”

    “Meditating? I thought that was just something monks did in movies?” Rebecca asked, confused.

    “Oh, trust me. Meditating is a real thing.” Ollie assured. “Here. Try it with me.” He sat up in a relaxed position and closed his eyes. Rebecca copied his position the best that she could and closed her eyes. Everything went dark.

    She waited a bit, but felt nothing. “Pssst.” she whispered loudly to Ollie. “It’s not working! I don’t feel anything.”

    “That’s just it. You aren’t supposed to feel anything.” Ollie said in a sweet tone. “Vacate everything from your mind and just focus on life.”

    As she sat there, emptying her mind, she suddenly became aware of the sensations around her. She felt the warmth of the day, and the hard wooden chair below her. She felt Ollie’s warm hand. She felt the happiness of watching the sunset fade away be replaced by a new sensation. It was strange, yet somewhat familiar, like it had been there all along.

    Then it hit her.

    She was just happy being there with him.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Awww, Matty. This is incredibly sweet and wholesome. I also love that even though Ollie a cultist, he is still a sweet, good person. I absolutely adore seeing him and Rebecca together. Also, you write some of the best slice-of-life stories, and I am for it. I 100% support it. Beautiful story, Matty.

    2. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      Aww, this is cute. Who knew this cultist would be such a good influence on Rebecca? I really am enjoying the stories of these two and their burgeoning relationship. Very wholesome, Matt.

    3. Simon D. Field Avatar
      Simon D. Field

      1. “The sky turned several brilliant shades of red and purple as it made its daily journey”. The sky does not make a daily journey and is not referred to as making a daily journey. You likely meant the sun colouring the sky on its daily journey.
      2. “See. Aren’t you”. THe first sentence merits a question mark as a terminating mark.
      3. “Rebecca shook Ollie gently and he snapped back into reality”. A comma between two clauses is missed.

    4. GJFuller Avatar
      GJFuller

      This is so sweet! I just love that this is an explanation of something as normal as meditation. I feel like (at least for me) the first instinct is to explore something abnormal or even supernatural. This was just so wholesome. I love Rebecca and Ollie stories so much and this one was just so saccharine.
      Good work!

  13. GJFuller Avatar
    GJFuller

    The Harmonica of Chaos
    By Giovanna J. Fuller

    “The Harmonica of Chaos or To Órgano Tou Erethismoú: Made of stolen leprechaun gold. Forged by ancient dwarves. Part of countless dragon’s hordes. The first note blown by the first Siren Queen. Considered one of the most valuable artifacts in the world. The Harmonica of Destruction was lost when Phaedra of Athens stole the instrument from the invading wizards of Sparta and hid them in one of the numerous rooms of the Infinite Hallway. Which door she chose and where in that world she hid it, was a secret Phaedra took to Hades. Even as the wizards of Sparta stormed the entrance to the Hallway.”

    Marshall looked up from the book.

    “So…I shouldn’t play it?” Angela had stopped with the harmonica close to her lips, poised to play.

    “No.”

    They stared at each other for a few seconds before Angela began to slowly inch the harmonica closer.

    “Ange, no!”

    “Come on!” She groaned and flopped half of her body onto the kitchen table. “Don’t you want to know what it does?”

    “No!” Her human said, horrified.

    Angela jut out her bottom lip, quivering it slightly. Then she widened her eyes. “Pweese!”

    “No!”

    The red haired witch huffed and straightened. “Imma do it.”

    Marshall couldn’t even let out a cry before Angela raised the instrument to her lips and blew hard on three or four notes at once. A sound, somewhere between a baby’s cry and nails on a chalkboard. It hit the back of the brain, specifically the brain stem and temporal lobe. It wasn’t painful, more like an itch you can’t quite reach.

    She stopped blowing almost immediately. “Hmm. That’s weird. Did you-.”

    The sound had affected only Marshall. He was massaging his head and moaning.

    “I thought chaos would ensue!” Angela said, slightly disappointed. “It’s called the friggin’ harmonica of friggin’ chaos for Frigg’s sake.” She took the book. “Oh….”

    “What?” Marshall whined.

    “It’s a mistranslation.” She flipped the book and showed him the Greek words. “To Órgano Tou Erethismoú means ‘the instrument of irritation’, not ‘chaos. Silly writer….”

    “Yeah…silly writer,” Marshall wheezed. “Got any aspirin?”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Ooohh, GJ. I always love your installments, especially the ones involving Angela. This one has a more homey feeling to it. I also really love that you use a harmonica as an instrument of chaos, as a harmonica is not really seen as something often associated with terror or something bad. And the subversion is incredibly funny, with it being irritation instead of chaos. I do hope that the harmonica gave Marshall only a headache, and not something worse. Classic humor in this one. Great job.

    2. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      YES!!! I love stories with Angela. This was so hilarious. I just love the thought that she just can’t help herself, regardless of what Marshall or common sense would attempt to tell her. You did such a great job of portraying her compulsion to try it out. I feel bad for poor Marshall for having such an irresponsible sister. Well done.

      1. GJFuller Avatar
        GJFuller

        Marshall is her human friend. Though she does have a brother that pops in from time to time 🙂

    3. Oh man, GJ. This was so fun. I almost did a double take when I saw the title… a harmonica ain’t exactly the first thing that comes to mind when you think of ancient instruments of chaos, gotta be honest xD. I really, really loved the tone of this piece – it was just the kind of lighthearted fun I was looking for right now tbh.

      I gotta say, you did an absolutely brilliant job of communicating what kind of piece this would be quite early on. For me, the moment Angela said “‘So… I shouldn’t play it?’” is when I really started to understand the kind of piece I was reading. Despite that, I still wasn’t clued in on the conclusion until the end – I wasn’t really sure what was going to happen until it did, which was a huge plus.

      I will say that the initial exposition-y section reads a little strange. I suspect some of the wordings and the brevity are due to wordcount constraints, but I felt like I should mention it nevertheless.

      Gotta say, this was a great story. I quite enjoyed reading it, though I’m now annoyed that my knowledge of Greek failed me at one of those few moments it could have been useful lol. Very nicely done, GJ.

    4. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      Opps, I played the harmonica of chaos and now the gold is turning to lead. Though seriously, it is totally the most trickster thing to make something seem powerful but just be annoying to the user. Which is great. I also love the (probably made up) lore about the harmonicas and the wizards of sparta. It’s just great.

    5. Matthew Avatar
      Matthew

      More Angela AND more of a mix of Indo-European mythology?! YES!! 😀 This was pretty great 🙂 I find it both terrifying and totally in character for Angela to want to play the Harmonica of Chaos. I’m just glad it wasn’t a kazoo of irritation lol Spartan wizard gives me a hilarious mix of nerdy types and strong warrior types haha. I think you did very good here GJ 😀 The pacing is pretty good, and the story is pretty funny! Well done as always!!!

    6. I just love everything about this story. The opening paragraph is so full of lore and questions without feeling overwhelming or distracting. Each detail both gave a sense of backstory, but also left me wanting to know more. The interaction between the two characters feels authentic and real. It felt as if they’re differing personalities were on full display in only a few lines. Excellent job!

    7. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Ahh I can’t think of much people haven’t already said, but I can’t not express my adoration of Angela every time I see her show up! Especially all her impulsive body language and very unserious dialogue. :3 And Marshall being the straight man to all those shennanigans worked very well too. Lovely work! <3

  14. Lari B. Haven Avatar
    Lari B. Haven

    I know them very well
    By: Larissa (Lari B.Haven)

    It was nostalgic to see the new girls training in the repair room. Alexandria could remember well: the rush of excitement, seeing how things worked for the first time.
    It’s been a while since she saw anyone learning how to dismantle the engine and clean the pipes.

    Through the window’s door, she could see the two fourteen-years-old, with unfitted uniforms and the green tie on their necks. Paula the mechanic, walking them through the steps of using the mechanical wings in the gigantic company workbook.

    They clearly were not having the best of times. All those tedious hours in the cluttered room, looking at the blackboard with no actual practice. It could be a daunting task to do when you are just getting the hang of learning about air routes for this job.

    “Alexandria! Are you here for a quick fix, or just to see me suffer?”

    Paula was impatient and harsh as always.

    “I can’t resist going back to basics, can I?” She enters laughing.

    She greets the girls and puts their hands on her wings, making them touch the metal parts.

    “Close your eyes, now tell me, what are those?” She guides their hands and puts them over the wings propellers.

    “The thing that makes them flap?” One of them responded unsurely.

    “Correct, now where’s the button that starts the engine?”

    Both run their fingers through the shell until the other one finds the small button hidden between the right-wing pair.

    The engine heats on, and the steam slowly runs through the pipes.

    “Can you hear its humming?”

    They listen to the sound of the mechanical buzz in complete awe. Finally opening their eyes, observing it flailing by itself like an awakened butterfly, lifting Alexandria off the ground in the tiny room.

    “Your wings will tell you everything you need to know about them. Just close your eyes and listen!”

    She turns the engine off and turns to Paula, smiling.

    “You are a good teacher…”

    “I just know them very well.”

    “The wings or the kids?” Paula gives a sly smirk.

    Alexandria responds with pride: “Both.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Lari, you do slice-of-life so very well. I enjoy this story. and I also love how you give a deeper look into what goes into making the wings for the delivery ladies and you show more facets of Alexandria’s character. I also like that Paula’s introduction, this is the first time I’m seeing her if you’ve written about her previously, is not written with a huge fanfare despite her being an important aspect to making the wings. I also really really love how you show the interaction between her and Alexandria and how natural it is. You always write such interesting and thought-provoking stories, and you do such a great job on them.

      My only critiques are:

      You use past and present tense in the story.

      fourteen-years-old (fourteen year olds)

      You have this great way about presenting characters as themselves, whereas some others will use characters to display their own attributes as authors. You let your characters be themselves without trying to sway the reader one way or the other. And I think that is incredibly amazing. Fantastic story.

    2. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      I like the whole of this story, the idea here is great and was well done. A teacher that showed what it does and how it does it. Really it was a fun read.

    3. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Aww this was so sweet, and kinda intimate too, with Alexandria allowing the new recruits to explore her wings with touch like that. And probably has especial resonance with Alexandria, considering the divide between her mechanical wings and her body… probably isn’t exactly as large as with most people.

      One thing I should note is that there are a couple moments where I lost track of who was speaking at first. “I can’t resist going back to basics, can I?”, and “You are a good teacher…” were the points where I had to kinda check the text around it to make sure I knew who was speaking, because it wasn’t super clear initially.

      I liked the dialogue a lot too in general. The personality of each character is made very clear and distinct, and they bounce off each other rather well. Great job! :3

    4. I love this! Everything feels very natural, like just walking around a campus on a sunny afternoon and catching a glimpse of a scene like this. I love how Alexandria has now taken some sort of mentoring role, being a senior to the new recruits, and her method of relying less on book smarts and more on listening and feeling feels so refreshing to read. The ending is pretty interesting as well, leaving readers asking who those girls really are. Overall, fantastic story!

    5. Matthew Avatar
      Matthew

      Woah! This was really magical! 😀 I like this a lot Lari! It really brings about the atmosphere pretty well, and reminds me of how it feels to tutor interested kids in engineering :3 the wonder in their eyes as the thing they made actually starts working lol Also it give me that sweet sweet realistic fantastical fiction vibe 😀 Good job 😀

  15. Three-Cider Night
    By Astrid Jones

    Tanya held the cold bottle to her temple, trying to ease her headache. Henry set another bottle on the bar and slid it to her.

    “Two-cider kind of day?” he asked.

    Tanya nodded, groaning.

    “Just don’t drink them too fast.”

    “One’s for holding, one’s for drinking. Both are for my head.”

    Henry nodded and wiped at imaginary stains on the countertop. He knew his friend. She rarely drank. When she did, she was upset. He had time to listen to her troubles.

    “How does someone make it to their 30s without knowing how to fill a kitchen sink up with water?” Tanya burst out.

    Henry blinked. He hadn’t been expecting that to be the underlying reason for the rage seeping from Tanya.

    “Or how to get ice out of an ice tray? Or how to unclog a toilet? Or how Windex works?”

    He decided to hazard a guess. “New room-mate?”

    Tanya put her head down into the crook of her elbow, moaning. “Yes, and I’m stuck with her for a year. Stupid no-break lease.”

    “Didn’t you vet her before she moved in?” Henry reached for a glass to polish.

    “Stacy highly recommended her,” Tanya said without looking up. “I’m never listening to Stacy again.”

    “When did she move in?”

    “Last weekend.” Tanya picked her head up. “At first it was just tech stuff. You know, what does this remote do? How does this DVD player work? Those I can understand. But, when I asked her to do her own dishes, she complained that the water wouldn’t stay in the sink.”

    “I take it the sink wasn’t leaking.”

    Tanya drained half the bottle she wasn’t holding to her head. “She hadn’t even plugged it. When I showed her, you know what she said to me?”

    Her friend waited patiently.

    “’Oh, that’s how that works,’ she said,” Tanya all but wailed. Both bottles clinked down on the counter. “I can’t live with her for a year, Henry. I’ll strangle her the next time she says it.”

    Henry set a third cider on the counter. “Sounds like it’s a three-cider night.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Astrid, I honestly believe I laughed entirely too hard at this. I feel so bad for Tanya, but at the same time there is a lot of situational humor here. Is her roommate from out of the country or privileged or something? Not trying to make assumptions, but her roommate does seem like she does not know what a hard day’s work is, so it would make sense that she doesn’t know how to do basic household chores. Oddly enough, though, I can actually relate to the roommate, as I have just recently started to learn a lot of things that most people learn within their first 20 years of life.

      I really love this approach to the prompt, as it’s a woman simply trying to drink her troubles away for a little while. I hope that Tanya and her roommate eventually develop a good rapport. If not, then I’m pretty sure Henry will be there to help Tanya get through it. Great story.

    2. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      I really liked this. Just the idea of a person who doesn’t know very basic things amused me, and now I want to know what their past was like that they haven’t learned how the plug in a sink works, or how to do a bunch of other basic cleaning chores. I really have to sympathize with Tanya, but I’m also very intrigued by her new roommate. Well done.

    3. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      Oh I have felt this, more so how I’ve seen others react. Also this roommate seems to be a person who was waited on most of their lives. I wish Tanya luck cause she will need it, and take it easy on the cider there.

    4. Oh lord, this was hilarious. I honestly don’t have too much to say about this one – solid grammar and syntax as far as I can tell, very good flow, nice style… now, that being said, the idea of this piece is *amaaaazing*. I feel so bad for Tanya. Unfortunately, I personally identify more with the roommate…

      I gotta say, the direction you took this wasn’t even something I had considered as a possibility, which is interesting, because this submission is one of the most tightly-bound to the prompt so far. Looking at the effects a “so that’s what it does” moment has on a third party is very interesting.

      Also, careful with the cider, Tanya. Might wanna check what the alcohol concentration is before you drink too much of those.

    5. DesOttsel Avatar
      DesOttsel

      I relate to this way too much. I once had to explain who Joseph Stalin was during cards against humanity. I think you convey the emotion and voice of Tanya very well. Henry felt a little flat at times, but he worked well as a vehicle and had some moments. It was a fun read, even if it brought up frustrating memories haha.

  16. The Assassin Avatar
    The Assassin

    Impotent Shrine
    By TheAssassin

    The shrine of our forefathers. Prophesied to bring us light in the darkest night, to bring us power in our weakest hour, to help us upon receiving the greatest sacrifice. It was meant to save us.

    It didn’t.

    We offered unto it the sacrifices of man. The blood of all beings stains its cobble and the ashes of our harvest lay scattered before it. The great statue laden with gems and carvings has yielded us naught but false hope. Lo! Even its stone is useless to us!

    Our borders are crumbled, and our castles burn upon green hills. Our people are chained. Men grovel in the dirt under the whips of cruel masters. Children do not laugh, and birds do not chirp. Nothing remains for us here but the ruins of our forefathers.

    Forefathers who failed us.

    The final sacrifice will soon be offered. It is not a beast, nor plants of the field. It is us. A final immolation for freedom. If our deliverance does not come, then so shall we fall. It is the way of things. Death in the purifying flames is better than living under torturous masters.

    And so, we pour the oil atop the shrine’s altar. The statue looms above us, its cold form imposing in the dark night.

    The fire-bearer will soon arrive. He will have stolen a torch from our sleeping masters. The night is our only peace from their gaze. If only the shrine did as was prophesied, then we wouldn’t need to burn quietly in the darkness. Perhaps then we might ride upon radiance in the day. Alas, no such fate will us befall.

    And so, as the fire-bearer approaches and ignites the oil, we burn. Our bodies tremble with weakness as we look into the dark skies. But no pain comes.

    Instead, we see light.

    Instead, we feel power.

    Light in the darkest night, power in our weakest hour, the shrine channeled the flames of our greatest sacrifice.

    Flames that will free us, flames that will save us.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Assassin, it feels as though you brought a lot of spirituality to this one. Although I am confused about who the “us” is in the situation, it still resonates with an ancient and primal feeling of acceptance. That’s my biggest takeaway from the story. And the *what does it do* part of the prompt comes in from the shrine. And I’m assuming that the shrine is supposed to be something reminiscent of absolution. The people are hoping that by lighting the torch within the shrine will absolve them of their sins as well as the sins of their forefathers and maybe even the sins of future generations? To me, your stories have this permeating duality of sadness and hope, and I think that is incredibly poignant. Maybe that’s because it repeats you write feels like poetry, and I am a huge poetry nerd. They also stir something within me that I can’t quite put a name to just yet, but I hope I will be able to with future readings. This story is excellent.

      1. The Assassin Avatar
        The Assassin

        Thanks, Luna, for the comment! You are right in assuming the story has to do with absolution in some regard. The context is basically that a people have been conquered by an invading force and due to a lack of faith have not been able to activate the statue’s power (this conquered people is the “us”). They offered not their greatest sacrifice. After they tried everything they finally unified together to burn in the night and be freed from the pain of their captors. They burn on the altar as both a sign of repentance for failing their forefathers and a final display of faith, that maybe, just maybe, it will answer their prayers. This is also accomplished because they are finally unified as one people. I couldn’t really explain much of this in the story because of word count limitations, but that was my intention. I really tried to capture the feeling of an old myth or religious story. Thank you for the feedback 😊.

    2. Oh wow. Despite not completely sure what’s going on, and not having much context to speak of (or maybe partially because of that…?) this piece resonates unusually deeply imo. There’s something that’s very raw and borderline-uncanny about it… I’ve seen attempts to try and achieve this sort of effect before, but this case seems somewhat different.

      This comes across as quite musical to me. It’s got a rhythm to it in a way – a specific type of flow. I think part of that can be pegged as due to the word choice – lack of contractions, “yielded”, “lo”, &c., but I think it’s something a tad more intrinsic than that to be honest. I think part of it comes from the position and feel of the narrator themselves. When I first read over this, I initially was thinking the narrator, and by extension his people, felt defeated – or at least at peace I guess – but really it’s not quite that. They’ve accepted their fate, yes, but have simultaneously decided to take control of it. It’s an interesting feeling that’s being conveyed here… I think it’s been used to quite good effect.

      … man that was a rambly paragraph.

      I feel like I should probably say that I’m not *fully* onboard with some of the styling here. On the one hand, I love the poetic feel; on the other, phrases like “Our borders are crumbled” seem a tad strange to me. That being said, I feel like that’s largely a matter of personal taste, and hence is extremely subjective. Overall, I think it worked.

      Gotta say, this piece was really, really *interesting*. It caught my attention, and smoothly held it there long enough to really try and get a decent understanding of the piece. This is definitely a story that has a lot of stuff going on beneath the surface imo – and if I’m wrong and it doesn’t, well, in that case it definitely seems to do an extremely good job cultivating the reader’s imagination and allowing them to fill in the blanks. This is really good, mate. Kudos.

      1. The Assassin Avatar
        The Assassin

        Thank you for the great comment PitL! I tried to capture the same feeling one might get upon reading an ancient religious text or even something like the Bible. That style is hard to get right and is probably what gives the poetic feeling to the text, even if it is just prose. I think the main feelings I wanted to capture was a kind of peace in defeat, with a hint of hope. This people who have been conquered go to the shrine to give penance/repent but also as a show of faith that they still believe in the shrine’s power. They may feel powerless, but they will seize their fate and show their faith all the same. I think the reason the line “Our borders are crumbled” doesn’t work is that rather than being a verb crumbled is a noun. Either way, I am glad this piece resonated with you. Sometimes I think a certain ambiguity can actually resonate more deeply than a story that explains everything in detail, even if that ambiguity was more of a word count problem. I’m just happy you enjoyed the story. Thank you.

    3. DesOttsel Avatar
      DesOttsel

      Ooo, this is cool. It’s got a semi-religious tone, but is still very much in monologue territory. The first thing I thought of was a game trailer for some reason. I like how the description is very minimal, and instead opts to focus more on the mental and metaphysical aspects of what’s happening. It’s a very somber reflection on the state of their people that ends in an honorable end. Nice job

    4. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      Beautifully tragic. You do not realize what your greatest sacrifice is until you are brought to the brink of despair and have nothing left to give but what you have held onto until now. It is tragic and triumphant, for their sacrifice was great but not in vain. Very intriguing read

  17. Notice: (E19)-657
    By PitL

    Notice: despite rumours, the item (E19)-657 to Station 31 shipping route is not a punishment detail. Should you desire confirmation, please contact your local manager, who will bring it to the attENtiOn oF uPPeR MaNAgeMENT –

    Bzzzzzzzzzzzt.

    Bzzzzzzzzzzzt.

    access_granted

    file_retrieved

    type: audio_visual

    re:E19-657, Incident 13: Multiversal Transit Truck 27, ID 000918273

    It was a hell of a lot of work for one crate.

    Ana Pérez waited patiently in the rear of the truck as the ninth security inspection crew of the day vetted the cargo, probing it from every direction with biohazard scanners. Granted, the full-body protection shields were more disconcerting than the scanners, but the shields weren’t putting her behind schedule.

    “So, is anyone going to tell me why we’re all here?” Pérez slid between a pair of inspectors standing off to the side. “I’ve got places to be, you know. I’m already nearly two hours late… ” she cut off.

    It was impressive how well the man could glare, despite the facemask.

    The scanners beeped in unison, suddenly casting a pale orange light across the hold. The man beckoned at the rest of the crew, before scribbling on a form and handing it to her. His voice warbled quietly, modulated by the mask.

    “We’ve finished,” he said. “You’re clear. Station 31’s through the next universal intersection – just follow the ridge in space-time and you’ll be there within an hour.” He paused. “Also, we’re leaving you a biohazard suit up front. Try not to need it.”

    He waved to the rest of the crew, and they filed out, leaving Pérez alone with the crate.

    Of course, given the situation, there was only one logical thing to do.

    “Let’s see what this does, shall we?”

    Addendum:
    Re: Route -657 to S31
    Secrecy: Regional+

    The route was completely unauthorized. I’m insulted you thought I’d know. Still not sure who had it shipped – the poison used was on our blacklist. Pérez is definitely dead – send regrets to family, universe ID is 154-679. Have -657 locked down at 31. Will report when further progress is made.

    1. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      My favorite part of this story is the style it is written in. I enjoyed how what we saw was an audiovisual file and thought the final addendum was a great way to end the story. The only portion of the text which I could see improved is the fact that I didn’t know it was sci-fi until universal intersections were mentioned. Before that my imagination provided a very earthy setting. Other than that I did really like it, good job:)

    2. Curiosity killed the cat, or in this case, the Ana Perez. Honestly, if I were hauling something that needed to be inspected every single universal intersection, I’d want to know what it was and what it did, too.

      Speaking of curiosity, I have some of my own. Was this poison for Perez? It’s suggested that her route might be a punishment of some sort (despite the denial by management that it is). Then management is denying that the transit was authorized. My suspicions are aroused.

      Overall, I really enjoyed this piece and I wish there were more.

    3. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      Ah, it’s nice to see Station 31 getting some nice stories. I too need to write in this as well.

      The beginning and ends of this piece are my favorites. It just feels exactly completely detached and apathetic to everything that happened and I love that. I am very interested in what other stuff you can make in Station 31’s universe. Very well done, Pit.

      1. I honestly can’t wait to see what you and the others may write for this one day… the setting idea is just so cool. Thanks for letting me be a part of it, mate.

    4. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Cool, Pit. Did you say the Multiverse of Station 31 is an SCP type of thing? This is a very tense story. This feels very much like the retelling of a story versus putting the reader in a story, which is not a bad thing. I actually really like this approach, as it feels like an interview. It allows the reader to look at the situation without too much sway from the people involved, so they have to decide for themselves what to make of this.

      I also really like the aspect that the crate feels like a secret world in and of itself because of what it houses. I also love the mystery surrounding the thing in the crate. One little mention of poison and needing a biohazard suit, and I believe that’s that all is needed to know not to mess with this thing. But human nature and curiosity. Really, really enjoyed the story.

      1. My understading is that the 31 setting isn’t SCP-style per se – just that it can fit into a fair set of different styles and tones. In this case, I was actually heavily inspired by a combination of Orion’s Arm and How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe more than anything, though it did come out quite SCP-like lol… this one had a few starts and stops before I could settle on a tone. That being said, I’m quite glad you enjoyed it!

  18. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “Dark Apotheosis”
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane

    The young man sat in the light of a single candle. Chalk circles inscribed with polygons and runes he barely knew surrounded him. In his hands was an onyx cube with gilded edges the size of an apple. Slowly and softly, he chanted the words written on the box, turning it end over end to follow them with his fingers. As he spoke, the light of the candle waxed and waned as if breathing.

    Then the flame turned violet. The young man chanted louder as the candle fell over and the flame danced and followed the circles drawn on the floor. Ignoring the heat, he carried on, his chanting almost yelling. Finishing the chant, he took the box and held it at eye level.

    “O, box, reveal to me your secrets!”

    Suddenly, a black shadowy tendril wrapped around his ankle. The young man watched in horror as his legs sunk into the floor. He grabbed at the floor, clawing for his life. But the force was too great. As he entered into the floor, a black nothingness greeted him.

    For days on end he screamed for help, but no one came. He found immediately that he no longer needed to breathe, but his hunger and thirst grew exponentially. After a week, mad enough to eat anything, he realized he could feel the shadows. They spoke to him of the town he lived in, and what went on in the seedy underbelly.

    Slowly, he traveled through the shadows into the house of a rich man and made his way to the kitchen. It was perfect; a loaf of bread sat on the table. He grabbed it and ate it without a second thought. Ashes. It tasted like ashes. He forced it down, but his body refused to keep it down.

    Something in him snapped. He was starving, but he couldn’t eat. Then, he caught the scent of food. Ravenous, he rushed to the source: a man sleeping in a bed. The young man opened his maw, and the man’s body disappeared into shadow, filling his belly. And yet, he hungered still…

    1. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      I love the tone of this story. An ancient artifact creating horror in the shadows. Insatiable hunger causing evil treachery. It’s all very engaging and the sort of thing I have missed in my recent reading. Very well done. My only gripe with the story is that I think the word “floor” was mentioned a little too much in the paragraph where the man falls into it. But that is something very small and otherwise, the story is wonderful in every way.

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Wolf, this is a definite “be careful what you wish for” scenario. Oh boy. Definitely got some tingles running up and down the spine, and I really dig the atmosphere. I also love how you could have easily shown what the box could do through just maybe a flashback or something through somebody else’s memory. You also could have had something come out of the box, like a full-fledged entity, but instead the box shows the man through experience, and I really love that approach.

      It reminds me of a story in the old myths, but I can’t for the life of me remember what it’s based on. The closest I can get to remembering is Midas and his Golden touch. I also got major chill factors from the fact that he can no longer eat food, and must now devour people, which doesn’t even satiate his hunger entirely. He got what he wanted, just not in the way he wished for. As always, excellent horror.

    3. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      Ooh, what a Pandora’s Box this man has opened. This was a cool bit of dark mystic horror you’ve written. The story started intriguing, then slowly became more unsettling as it continued. I really liked this.

    4. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Ah I see, this young man went and stumbled across a Keto Diet Enforcement Box! Great for keeping your figure nice and flat, shame about the side-effects. 😛

      On a less silly note, that box really reminded me of that one other sinister box I keep hearing about. The one in the Pinhead movie or something? Either way, I imagine the horrible consequences for opening that boi are similarly nasty like this one is.

      I also have an appeciation for how much of a delayed, drawn out process this transfomation is. Like for the town above, this one guy just vanished out of nowhere, and then only a week later do the dissapearences begin…a very creepy and sinister concept indeed. Great work! 😀

    5. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      Dang Wolf, I could not tear my eyes away from this piece! This short story managed to take me on a long journey, and I really enjoyed it. It makes me wonder where the box came from and what has become of our naive protagonist. Has he become the monster for another to defeat, or has he become a creature of the dark only to overcome it? I am captured

  19. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    “Animals”
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    Poof!

    When the mist cleared, a black cat, a terrier, a raven, and an armadillo stood in the living room where Kai, Charlotte, Glenn, and Darian had been.

    “So THAT’S why it said ‘only open in the presence of your enemies,’” Darian said, holding the cork to the ornate glass bottle in an armadillo paw.

    Kai screeched and hissed, fur on end. “Why am I a cat?! Change me back, idiot!”

    “Oh, YOU’RE mad?” Charlotte yipped. “I’m a freakin’ terrier! I’m small and nonthreatening and I hate it already! And we wasted the potion thingy, too!”

    The raven, Glenn, sighed. “We know this will wear off in twenty-four hours. Until then, I believe we should lay low and relax, as four talking animals would cause quite a disturbance.”

    “Oh shut it, you have nothing to complain about,” Charlotte yipped. “You get to fly. I get to let my tongue hang out of my mouth like an idiot and have everyone think I’m adorable. At least Mr. Stupidity turned into something exotic.”

    “Hey!” Darian whined. “I didn’t think THIS would happen!”

    “Guys, seriously,” Glenn squawked. “Arguing isn’t getting us anywhere. We need a plan.”

    “Fine.” Kai huffed and curled up on the floor.

    “So what do we do, bird brain?” Charlotte asked, tail wagging slightly.

    Glenn ignored the insult. “Well—”

    “Wait!” Darian jumped, which looked ridiculous. “You could fly around the city and look for, uh, bad guys?”

    “…I’m listening.” Glenn adjusted his feathers.

    “And Kai,” Darian turned to her, “you could still do sneaky things as a cat, right?”

    Kai flicked her tail. “I see where you’re going with this and I absolutely approve.”

    “And I could be lookout?” Charlotte pitched. “Dog barks aren’t suspicious.”

    “And I’ve got a protective shell!” Darian curled up to prove it. “So I’ll be, uh, safe or something.”

    Kai jumped on the table and knocked some paper and pencils to the floor. “We’d better start planning.”

    “Oh, this is gonna be the best mission of our lives!” Charlotte’s front paws tapped excitedly. “Four animals thwarting villainous plots? No one’s gonna suspect a thing.”

    1. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      This was a fun story. I like how you frame this as the situation was disadvantageous, and your characters make it advantageous. I also liked that you used the actions of the characters as animals to avoid them just sitting there and talking. One thing: the use of the word “pitched” was distracting to me personally. Other than that, great job!

    2. Gracious, Charlotte’s got that small dog attitude locked down. Most small dogs I’ve met have either been unreasonably excitable or want to fight the world. Charlotte’s a mix of both (though she seems to lean more toward the fight end of the spectrum). I really enjoy that you made each character turn into an animal that is reminiscent of their attitudes. Or at least, that’s what I’m getting from this piece. It’s very hard to get to know multiple characters in such a compact piece.

      But now I want to know what their enemies would have turned into had things gone to plan.

      I truly enjoyed this story altogether. Very well done!

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Awwww, Carrie, what a cute, fun romp. I really enjoyed how you give each of the friends their own unique personality. It’s quite fun to read about. Add on to that the fact they are fighting villains, and it becomes completely elevated. Honestly, I love absolutely everything about this. Great story.

    4. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      I really enjoyed the ability of this gang to make lemonade out of the lemons that Darian’s mistake created. Really starting to love the stories about these four. They have such fun and interesting personalities. And I think you did a great job of matching the characters and the animals they would become. This was a fun story, Carrie.

    5. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Oh my god, I just glanced at this story and it had dragged me to the end before I even realised I was reading it, such was the instant appeal of the concept. I love talking animals and how each personality is radically different but fitting the animal in question *as a rule*, and this was a great execution of that! I also have a personal bias cos I am very familiar with Cairn Terriers! XD And them learning to use their new abilities as best they could was also a great reveal too. Very good work! <3

  20. revisis Avatar
    revisis

    Field Experiment
    by Exce

    Excelsius hid in the thorny branches of a berry bush. He had reduced his own aura to less than a candle flame, trying to remain inconspicuous as he watched the Angel.

    The man was watching over a small construction site whilst leaning on a golden spear, and only after a few minutes did it dawn on Exce that it was the beginnings of a mine. Returning his attention to the Angel, he recalled everything Luciel’d revealed to him. Go for the wings, surprise them, don’t let them get into the air.

    But Luciel hadn’t been able to tell him what those golden weapons that hurt to look at did, as he had been forced into exile before he could see them in use…or before one could have been used on him.

    And now Exce was itching to find out.

    He carefully retreated deeper into the undergrowth, sneaking through thick foliage before crossing the street of  hard-packed dirt. He spread his weight and crouched, keeping a small profile to avoid getting spotted by miners or other overseers.

    A few more steps, then he leapt forward, allowing his energy to flare up.

    Excelsius closed one hand around the main wing bone, jerking it backwards and down, causing the Angel to scream out in pain.
    Quickly bringing his hand up, he slammed it down onto the Angel’s throat whilst closing the other around the spear, tearing it from the Angel’s grasp as it loosened.

    Whilst the man was still gasping, Exce spun the spear around, his eyes beginning to glow with magical insight.
    Then he buried the weapon in the stomach of the Angel, driving it through until the tip hit the ground.

    He watched closely, observing how the bright aura of the Angel seemed to flare painfully brightly…before it just vanished.
    It spread outwards like a wave, the Angel stilling as it did. Finally, it reached the eyes, and they blazed before turning a black-spotted, sightless grey.

    As the spear began to disintegrate, Excelsius stepped back, giving a whistle whilst shouts rose behind him.

    “So that’s what these do…”

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Ooooooooh, this is very cool, Exce. And what a great take on the prompt! I love the worldbuilding that went into this. Your syntax and diction are also amazing. I wonder, does the spear only have that effect on Angels? And what exactly is Excelsius’s “magical insight?” No matter the answers, this is a very solid piece, Exce. Great job!

      1. revisis Avatar
        revisis

        Nope the Spear, or any of the golden Angel weapons, would burn away the soul of the person/being that are hit with them.

        Excelsius Magical Insight allows him to see the energy within stuff, so he was able to watch how the spear worked.

        thank youuuu x3

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      As action-packed as always, Exce. With every one of these entries, it seems as though Excelsius is working through some demons with each Angel that he encounters or kills. I suppose it’s both explorative and cathartic, if that is the case. This one is very hard-hitting, and I really love what the spears do. Great job.

    3. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      Nice! A curious direction to take the prompt, altogether full of zeal and curiosity. I enjoy the reveal of the weapon and what it does, I feel like the weapon highlights the prompt and accentuates the moment without detracting from the story at large, and the hints of what is going on in the background. Well done.

    4. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      You know, I didn’t realise till now that Excelsius is also an actual character in this universe. I had double taked at first, going ‘is this a genre break story or something?’ XD This was really cool though, with him both recalling the advice of his mentor while also acting on his own initiative too to discover the effects of the Spear. And good he did too, because the power of those spears seem strong indeed, even if they only have one good stab in them before going poof.

      The action in general felt very visceral and visually interesting, even tho it was just a single stealth (…sorta) assasination. While I had to read it over again to realise it was the angel’s aura, rather than their whole body being disintegrated, it was otherwise clear and effective to me! Well done! 😀

  21. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    A Loving Reminder
    by Lunabear

    She had been cold. Lifeless. Two things I can never attribute to her. But… that’s how it was, no, IS.

    I let my son and myself into the house, its frigid, stale air familiar yet empty. Because she’s not here. Not anymore.

    Aaron asks for food, and I make him lunch. My mind is blank, and my hands work on autopilot. He sits and watches TV while eating. I sit in her recliner and stare distantly at the wall.

    My siblings and I had thanked everyone for coming to see her off, but where they had cried and wept, I had not.

    I pick up the gift she had left behind before her final stay in the hospital. I’ve been ignoring it since she got sick. I thought maybe if I didn’t open it while she was still here, it would somehow keep her from passing away. The card reads:

    I may not have always shown it, but I love you. Stay together and stay strong. ~Mama.

    The small box trembles in my hand, the blue and pink dots becoming blurred as tears well. I beat them back like before, but this time, the floodgates burst, and I tear into the little box with wild abandon. Little crooning noises escape my throat. I swallow them down. I don’t bother wiping my face.

    Inside the box is a sphere. I roll it around in my hands, looking for some kind of mechanism or button.

    “I finished my food. Why are you crying, Mama?”

    “I just miss Granny, Sweet Pea.”

    “I miss her, too. What’s that?”

    Aaron sits on my lap, prodding the gift.

    Together, we find a switch that opens one half of it. Out pops a pink, spinning ballerina, and twinkling music plays.

    “It’s a music box!” Aaron exclaims, his head swaying to the lullaby. “It’s beautiful, Mama!”

    A picture is taped to the mirror behind the ballerina: my mother and all eight of her children, each wearing an enormous smile.

    “Yes, it is beautiful, Buddy.” I snuggle him close.

    More tears fall as the song concludes.

    1. What a beautiful story about loss, grief and hope. I really love how soft this whole piece is even though its discussing something so heavy. Its the little gifts that they leave behind that make us cry the but end up comforting us the most on those sleepless nights. This was a beautiful piece, Luna!

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so much for your feedback. This is quite a personal piece to me, so I’m very glad that you enjoyed it.

    2. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      This is very well written, Luna. Even though you’re discussing something really sad, you swung it around with a hopeful message at the end that really wraps up the piece beautifully. I’m really glad the narrator receives a gift this meaningful to them. I hope Aaron can help her move on. Overall, this is beautiful, Luna. Great job!

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so much, Carrie. This story is a combination of the day of my mom’s funeral and the concept behind every single one of my birthdays up until the point she got sick, which is last year’s birthday. She would get me a singing stuffed animal, a piece of jewelry, and a card every year.

        Yes, I’m incredibly proud of Aaron, and he does help every day. 💜💛

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      I have to commend you for writing something so personal for this prompt. It’s never easy losing a loved one, and this story perfectly illustrates that. I don’t think I have anything I can really say except this made me tear up. The emotion is very raw. It’s a fantastic story, Luna.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        I truly appreciate your review, Wolf. I do. I actually cried while writing this, so to know that it got a similar emotion from you makes me, not happy, per se, but a sense of empathy, I suppose. Thank you.

    4. This is so painfully relatable and you’ve made me cry. Your piece is beautiful and you convey the emotions wonderfully. Also, thousands of hugs to you for writing your own experience and heart into this story. I’m going to go sob now.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so very much for your review, Astrid. I’m really glad you liked it and that it resonated with you.

    5. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      I don’t even know how to comment on such a personal experience. This was very beautiful and touching. I almost feel like I’m intruding, even though by writing this, you’ve invited me into this portion of your life. You’ve done an excellent job of expressing the grief of losing a parent. I hope this has given you some sense of catharsis. Very well written.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so very much, Masa. Your reviews are always so very welcome and very much appreciated. I’m very thankful that I could share this with everyone. And absolutely. There was so much weight lifted off my shoulders while writing this, and I felt like she was actually here with me. Thank you, again. You’re always such a sweetheart.

    6. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Yup, I got pretty teary reading this piece as well! I could immediately tell this was a deeply personal tale, so it’s no suprise that the whole thing felt very real to read. I can relate to the idea of keeping the gift unopened as well – I have this little paranoid thing I do where I often say, ‘see you’ to people rather than goodbye specifically to deny the idea that there could be a last time, even though there always will be.

      And on a tangental note, I didn’t realise music boxes could come in spheres. Of course, there is no reason why that shouldn’t be possible, just was a neat little suprise for me is all. What a lovely story this was. <3 <3 <3

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Man, I truly always appreciate your reviews, Calliopie. I definitely cried while writing this, and if I am not chosen for the stream on Friday, then someone is going to have to read this for me during backup readings. I’m so incredibly glad that this touched you and resonated with you. The day of was incredibly difficult to get through.

        Also, yes. I avoid saying goodbye, as well, because it has such a ring of finality to it. Unless, of course, I know for a certainty that I will never see the person or people that I’m telling goodbye to. I always say “take care” or “see you later” or “stay safe”.

        Thank you again so very much.

    7. This is so bittersweet. There’s so much emotion in this. It really does capture the feeling of loss in all its complications so well. It feels very real, very sad, but still something to smile about through the tears. If feels like there was a lot of yourself put into this piece. Very well done.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so much for your review, Deviacon. It’s always so appreciated. I struggle with this a lot more than I let on, but these kinds of memories keep me going, as well as my kiddo. I’m really thankful that you enjoyed this.

    8. GJFuller Avatar
      GJFuller

      Why do you have to make me feel like crying? This was so sad, but so bittersweet too. I like how you showed the character preoccupation with her grief by not having her open the box until this moment. I could feel the speaker’s love for her mother even though those words were never explicitly said.
      That gaping emptiness one feels when someone they loved has died was very well done.
      Good work!

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so very much for your review, GJ. I guess this week was simply a sad week for me because I could not think of another idea to write for this particular prompt. I’m so thankful that this resonated with you, however. Thank you, again.

  22. The Illness
    By L. L. Marco

    The academy’s infirmary walls began to shift and warp. A wicked, powerful aura filled the room until it felt like nothing was solid but me and my friend lying comatose on the bed. Inky veins slithered in from the doorframe and encased the room, pulsing against me from my hiding place beside his bed. Suddenly the room stilled. With that came unbearable silence. My ears rang; I wanted to grab my friend and get out of there but the only exit was the doorway and I could feel the presence of… something. It was too late to run. The Illness was coming to take him just like it had the others and now… it might take me too.

    It lurched in from the hallway. Something that crawled on all fours, something that perhaps had been human once. Its body cracked with each movement and black, aged skin stretched across its bones. There was no fat or muscle. Just dry flesh and skeleton. Nothing more than a corpse. Its face was… haunting. Its jaw hung in a silent scream and empty eye sockets sank into nothingness just above. Even so, I could feel its gaze hungrily searching, lingering over my hiding place before falling upon my friend. The ghoul crept closer; the hideous sound of its joints echoed off the walls. In a few jerky motions it had scuttled on top of him. Its emotionless hollow face looming over his. I knew something bad was happening to the sick students but I never suspected something like this…

    That mouth stretched. A blast of a power I couldn’t comprehend shook the room. My friend… it was hard to see, but the ghoul pressed its dried lips to his forehead and.. He was gone. Not physically, but I felt his life flicker out.

    The creature grabbed his leg and dragged him towards the doorway. It didn’t even glance my way. The sound of its joints were joined by the dead weight of a fresh corpse. I was overjoyed to be alive even as the empty eyes of my friend slid out of view.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Marco, this one gave me chills. Is the thing that does something the ghoul? I feel like that’s the focal point of the story in relation to the prompt. Either that, or the illness that turned people into ghouls. No lie, this is seriously scary. I absolutely love to be scared a lot of the time, but this shook me in a way that I’m not used to. There isn’t even any Gore, but the way you describe it as crackling and simply plain flesh over bone is incredibly… visceral, and it hits on such a primal level. Especially because you put the reader in the main character’s shoes and there seems to be no way to defeat this thing. Really enjoyed this one. Great job.

    2. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Ooooooh, geez. This is horror done right, Marco. Your descriptions of the Illness are horrifying, and having it attack someone other then the narrator so the audience can see what it does was a great choice. I think that’s the bit that ties this story to the prompt, but I’m not completely sure. In just four paragraphs, you’ve left me with chills. Nice job!

      1. Yes! It was a bit of a stretch from the prompt but I’m glad you could see the connection 🙂
        And thank you! This was based on a dream i had the morning the prompt was announced so i did my best to describe as much as I could from it, i’m glad I could capture the same feelings!

    3. This piece is terrifying and I am 100% on board with it. I am going to have nightmares now. Your descriptions put me right in the room with your narrator.

      I am going to nit-pick though (I am so sorry). If your narrator is hiding under the bed their friend is sleeping on, how are they seeing what the Illness is doing? I know you said it was hard to see, but is your narrator seeing this in a mirror on the wall? Are they gathering this from shadows on the wall made by the Illness and the sleeping friend? Has your narrator edged out from under the bed to watch?

      Honestly, this piece it scary without knowing how your narrator saw everything. I don’t think I’m going to sleep well for the next few nights. Great job!

      1. oh! Thank you for pointing that out; I originally wrote this story in its pure unedited form before i had to concise it down into the word count and during that editing process a few things changed. I forgot to change the narrators position to beside the bed! It was based on a dream I had the morning the prompt was revealed to us; in the dream, all of this was happening mere inches from the narrator (me)’s face; the ghoul couldn’t see (or chose to not awknowledge?) me because I wasn’t marked by The Illness but some things get lost in the cut. I hope that clears things up, and thank you for your comment/reading my piece! <3

  23. Twangyflame0 Avatar
    Twangyflame0

    Inconsequential
    By Twangyflame0

    Erin swung the blade around and examined it in the moonlight. It was very disappointing to her. If it wasn’t for the fact that it helped William control his magic, she wouldn’t have let him have it. Though the blade was incredibly old, it seemed as if it was made out of bronze and the effects of the outside world had turned it dark green. The hilt didn’t protect the hand on the grip; it was just a circle with a hole in the middle of it. The grip was alright, but it wasn’t fantastic either. The straps were old and looked like they should be replaced.

    The more she looked at it, the more she was disappointed with the weapon. William had been trained in swords, but an easier weapon to learn for beginners was usually a spear–

    Erin dropped the weapon as it suddenly transformed into a spear.

    “Hmm. How unexpected.” Nerg came out of the brush like a ghost, his voice almost having emotion behind it.

    Erin turned and almost pulled out her own sword. “Did you know about this?”

    Nerg looked, “Yes, but–”

    “You gave this with no thought of what might happen!” She was in his face now. “If that thing transformed in the middle of combat, it could kill him!”

    He backed up. “If you would–”

    Erin jabbed a finger into his chest. “Aren’t you supposed to be some great and all-knowing leader? How exactly did this oversight happen?”

    His back hit a tree. “Because it is impossible for William to unlock the full power of that weapon.”

    “What?”

    Nerg eyed the weapon lazily, “Enchanted weapons like that tend to be picky about their wielders. I guess it likes you.”

    “What are you talking about?”

    “It doesn’t really matter.” He pushed her aside and picked up the weapon. “As long as William holds this weapon everything will work out fine.”

    “What do you–”

    He threw the weapon at her. He continued talking as she barely caught it. “Just like you, your questions are inconsequential. Now change it back, Paladin Lupa Sanguinae.”

    1. I think this is a fun back-and-forward between these two characters. The exchange lets me know everything I need to know about Erin: she’s strong willed and doesn’t take any crap from anyone. It seems strange that Nerg would give the weapon to someone who couldn’t utilize its full potential, i wonder what his motivation for that is?
      I think a magic weapon is a really fun twist to the prompt!

    2. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Oooooh, this is very interesting. The dialogue between Lupa and Nerg is full of characterization and strong word choice. Your descriptions are also on point. Does Lupa have control over the weapon’s shape shifting abilities because she’s a paladin, or because of something else? No matter the answer, this is an awesome piece, Twangy. Great job!

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Your stories are always some of my favorites, Twangy. I enjoy that there’s more of Erin here, as she’s a complex, mysterious character. She has so many facets. Pairing her with Nerg, for this instance at least, leaves me strangely tense despite the context. I don’t know if that’s intentional, but excellent job. Totally proud of how much you’ve improved. Wonderrful.

    4. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Hmmmm, I haven’t seen much of Nerg so far, but the ‘all-knowing’ moniker seems to roughly fit his attitude and persona. It feels like the only reason he was ‘suprised’ by Erin’s effect on the weapon is because he had considered her so beneath notice as to not consider her full potential. He doesn’t seem like the most pleasant person to be around, to say the least.

      I really liked the description of the sword (the initial form, that is), giving both a sense of how crappy it looks as a weapon, while also being alien and strange too. A very good aesthetic for a magical artefact like this one. Good work! 😀

    5. Simon D. Field Avatar
      Simon D. Field

      1. “Though the blade was incredibly old, it seemed as if it was made out of bronze and the effects of the outside world had turned it dark green”. This sentence is ill-conceived. Firstly, the first clause implies a contrast with the following one, which is simply untrue. Secondly, you ought to connect the two last clauses with a comma, not only with a conjunction, lest you make the error of writing a run-on sentence.
      2. “As long as William holds this weapon everything will work out fine”. Once again, a comma is missing. Separate the clauses with a comma (after “weapon”).

    6. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      Very cool! I got a feel for their characters in a short amount of time, and I am very intrigued by the weapon. I have always enjoyed the trope of enchanted weapons choosing their wielder rather than the other way around, and I enjoyed the way you described her view of the sword; practical and with a calculating eye of someone who has worked with weapons it feels like. Great job, I really liked it.

  24. MasaCur Avatar
    MasaCur

    The Incantation
    By MasaCur

    Virshael flitted up the steps of the tower as fast as her wings would carry her, a scroll clenched tightly in her arms. The tiny gargoyle finally got to the door she needed, and threw it open with her clawed feet.

    “Rikuto! I have the research from Doyen Thornga!” she called out.

    Rikuto looked up from the desk. “Excellent. Bring it here.”

    It was weird seeing him in his current disguise, but Rikuto was wary about being back in the Elven Kingdom, and had a number of people he wished to avoid.

    “Perfect!” Rikuto said as he scanned over the scroll. “This should hopefully work!”

    “I hope so,” Virshael said. “Then the key will be safe, and you can leave. I’m sure it has been stressful hiding yourself away like this.”

    Rikuto nodded absently, continuing to study the script of the scroll. He was so engrossed that he didn’t seem to notice the knock at the door.

    “I’ll get it!” Virshael loudly said, and flew to the door and cracked it open. On the other side was a beautiful, tanned elf girl. “Oh. Elincia is here!”

    “Acolyte Zozai, you were expecting me?” Elincia asked.

    Rikuto started upright upon hearing his alias. “Oh, yes. Please, come in. I think we’ve figured out how to remove the key and chain from around your neck.” His manner seemed furtive to Virshael, causing her once again to suspect that Rikuto had some kind of past with Elincia.

    Elincia nodded and entered the chamber. “What should I do, Zozai?”

    Rikuto looked around nervously. “Oh, nothing. Stand perfectly still.” He went to the desk and grabbed the scroll, concentrated for a moment, and read off the incantation.

    Upon finishing it, he lowered the scroll and looked at Elincia. “Try pulling off the key.”

    She reached up to the chain around her neck, but stopped, her mouth agape.
    Virshael looked over to where she was looking and saw a white portal in midair right behind Rikuto.

    “Oh no! Was that supposed to happen, Zozai?” she asked.

    Rikuto looked behind him. “Shit!”

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      This is great, MasaCur. Did Doyen Thornga purposely plan for the portal, or did something else cause it? Are Virshael’s suspicions about Rikuto’s past justified? What’s going in or out of that portal, if anything at all? I love all these questions, and your style and syntax really enforce the story, too. I would love to read more of this. Overall, great job!

      1. MasaCur Avatar
        MasaCur

        No, complete accident. Yes, they used to be lovers. So far, the portal is just sitting there, but whatever the key has locked up now has access to their world, so this isn’t good.
        Hope that answers the questions.
        Thanks for the review!

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is an interesting take on the prompt. I wonder how this incantation creates an interdimensional (?) rift when it’s supposed to unlock a collar. Always happy to see Rikuto and Genre Break. It’s also great how these characters interact. Always natural. The ending is hilarious, as well. Awesome story.

      1. MasaCur Avatar
        MasaCur

        Yeah, Rikuto and Thornga misinterpreted the incantation they were researching. What the spell did was unlock the portal(s) between worlds that the key had locked up.
        Thanks for the review, as always.

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