Writing Group: So THAT’S What it Does!

Hello, you curious thing!

I know you’ve come expecting something specific, but prepare your inquisitive little brain. All is not as it seems. The answers you receive here are bound to be quite different from the ones you seek, because…

This week’s writing group prompt is:

 

So THAT’S What it Does!

 

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

 

 

My first thought was that this prompt was going to be comedic. Either you find out the doomsday device is actually just an alien salt shaker, or you find out that your salt shaker is actually an alien doomsday device.

But after chatting with everyone on stream about it, I’ve realized there are a lot of other angles to this as well.

You could play it straight—you actually just find out how something you didn’t understand works. You could play it for character dynamics—someone is preventing you from finding out how something works, for good or ill, and you find out anyway. You could play it for personal development—you had a lot of assumptions about something, but you finally allowed yourself to give it a proper shake and it isn’t at all what you built it up to be in your mind.

Lots of different ways to write this thing, and they aren’t all about some silly reversal, regardless of what the CAPS in the prompt title might have told you.

But there is one thing all these different approaches have in common: a revelation.

At its heart, this is a story about coming into information you didn’t have, or information you didn’t expect to have, and being very caught off guard by it.

So, surprise us. What can you lead us as an audience to believe, and how will it turn out actually to be so very far from the truth? Don’t just give your characters that moment of realization, give it to us as well.

I want to read your story and go “ohhhh, so THAT’S what this does!”

 

 

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Friday at 7:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit, and get ready to help each other improve their confidence in their writing, as well as their skill with their craft!

 

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least six stories during each stream, three of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
    6. No additional text styling (such as italics or bold text). Do not use asterisks, hyphens, or any other symbol to indicate whether text should be bold, italic, or styled in any other way. CAPS are okay, though.
  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new (no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    6. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    7. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

98 responses to “Writing Group: So THAT’S What it Does!”

  1. Indecision and Time Loops
    by Brickosaur

    So, time loops.

    Y’know, those things where somebody goes back and gives their past self the deus ex machina and and you never figure figure out the actual origin of the item?

    Yeah, those.

    It seems like those loops are never-ending and presumably never-beginning. Problem is, that violates every known law of interdimensional society, not to mention physics. And it renders the looping object totally arbitrary. It could be anything. They saved the day with a peach pit once!

    We’ve gotta be missing something. And that thing happens to tie into our only point of free will, and the sole thing that creates branching universes.

    I’m talking
    about Random Decisions.

    These are, in fact, a native feature of the multiverse, down to the quantum level. An electron has a given spin and we there’s no reason for that — it just randomly developed one or the other. Superposition has particles in multiple places at once. Scale that up, and you’ve got all those thousand little moments every day where you make a decision totally arbitrarily. It could have gone the other way, and it does.

    That’s where all these universes come from.

    Indecision is the most powerfully creative force in existence.

    Back to time loops.

    Though you never see it in time travel shows, they DO have a beginning. Simply, these time loops start when one person decides to go back and change their past self’s actions in some way. When their task is done, they go on with their life, having casually created another timeline in parallel.

    Since the person receiving the help is the same as the giver, they often conclude that they have to help themself in turn. And on and on, for any number of loops.

    Until one of those arbitrary decisions is made. In the spiral, they all go the same way, or else small arbitraries cancel out.

    But there is one critical point where
    BOOP
    New decision!

    And the loop exits.

    The person doesn’t do the past thing, no new timelines are created, and the universe balances.

    But the multiverse is so much heavier.

  2. ‘Till Death
    by Makokam

    “I’m going in.”

    Rabat looked up from his beer, “You’re what?”

    “I’m going in her room,” Xenadow repeated.

    By now the others were paying attention. “Yes. Let’s!” Ukiyo said, gleefully clapping her hands.

    “We shouldn’t enter her domain,” echoed though their heads as the Black Beast rumbled his disapproval.

    Xenadow sneered, “She’ll never know. And why should we keep following her orders while she keeps us in the dark. The Goddess–”

    Rabat snorted and Xenadow whipped his gaze around furiously. “Went down the wrong pipe.”

    “Keep your insolence to yourself,” Xenadow snarled. He turned back to the door, only to stop as the Beast had sat down in front of it.

    A blade of darkness materialized in Xenadows hand, “Get out of my way you…disgusting thing. She won’t know,” a disgusted sneer on his face, “especially if she spends the night in your…hole again.”

    The tendrils making up it’s mane wriggled as the beasts eyes narrowed.

    “Let them go in,” Rabat said, “She’ll know and she’ll deal with them.”

    “Oh, are you planning to tell on me? I thought you wanted to know too.”

    “I do. But she’s paying me, not you. Go in and see what happens.”

    “Maybe I should just eat you then,” Ukiyo said, her skin starting to turn to scales.

    Rabat flipped her off. “Seriously, don’t fight him,” he added to the Beast, “I don’t want this place ruined and neither does she.”

    The Black Beast rose up on two legs, his head brushing the ceiling and looking down on Xenadow, before stepping aside..

    Xenadow opened the door, Ukiyo at his heels.

    The bedroom was large, but otherwise unremarkable. After a moment he was about to leave, finding nothing worth his time, until he noticed the photos. All of them were either Kat, or Kat and an older man. She smiled in all of them, in some they embraced, in one they married.

    He and Ukiyo starred, confused, at that one, perhaps too long, as they jumped when they heard Kat’s voice, “Get out of my room so I can kill you without ruining it.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Makokam, this is an interesting story. What are these creatures? Toys? Otherworldly beings? Nevertheless, it’s got a bittersweetness about it. They love Kat and are devastated by her marriage. It makes them feel pushed aside, which is confirmed by the final line in the story.

      These are my critiques:

      Rabat looked up from his beer(.) “You’re what?”

      A blade of darkness materialized in Xenadow(‘s) hand(.)

      The tendrils making up (its) mane wriggled as the beast(‘)s eyes narrowed.

      I thought you wanted to know(,) too.”

      After a moment(,) he was about to leave

      Is the connection to the prompt something to do with the pictures or how these things are feeling in regards to Kat and her marriage? I would definitely love some backstory on all of this, as it seems complex and intriguing. Very nicely done!

      1. Makokam Avatar
        Makokam

        Well, I only have myself to blame for the typos. The bulk of this was written after 11:30 last night and the only person who looked at it was my Son who admitted he wouldn’t catch any mistakes. I’ll try to fix them if I can find a way to edit on mobile.

        Otherwise…I’m intrigued and concerned by your take on this.
        All of these characters are either B-list or up and comong supervillains that Kat brought together to help her achieve her goals.
        I guess I had to trim too much out to fit it into 350 words.

    2. Lol, not gonna lie. The ending tickled me in a “What else did Xenadow think was going to happen?” kind of a way. This does open up a lot of questions, which is the sign of an intriguing story. My initial one was if the “She’s paying me, not you.” line meant that some of them were being paid and others were following Kat out of loyalty/fear or if they’re all being paid and Rabat just meant that in a “I’m being paid either way, so knock yourself out.” kind of a way.

      It works either way, if on one side, Xenadow and Ukiyo were following Kat because they saw her as the goddess that was mentioned while Rabat doesn’t care because he’s there for the money it explains their back and forth and Xenadow’s shock at seeing Kat’s past.

      And on the other side, if they’re all a paid army with their own reasons along with the money, then who’s the goddess that Rabat didn’t believe in? And what does that have to do with whatever Kat’s paying them for? Just a lot to unpack, really. But the fact that there is so much to wonder is why I like it.

      And the room itself, being what “works” for the prompt was an interesting choice. Well done.

  3. Amy Trow Avatar
    Amy Trow

    Mental Barriers
    By minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

    “Hey Daisy?”

    “Hm?”

    “How much control do you have over your magic?”

    “Hm… well, I’m able to call it out at will to punch things!” Daisy demonstrated “That’s pretty cool!”

    “Yes it is, but…” He continued. “But have you tried manipulating it beyond that? I imagine with the one skill mastered, you’d want to move on to more challenging spellwork.”

    “I…Uh…” For the first time, Marshal witnessed her go sheepish. “I dunno. I guess I COULD… but I’m not sure if it’s the best idea.”

    “Hasn’t stopped you before.” He quipped. She gave him a deadpan look over her sunglasses.

    “I know, I know, but this is different! I like the idea of doing other stuff with my powers, but the Archangels always told me I shouldn’t do it on my own. They don’t really know how I work, so I should just stick to what I know. Can’t get hurt if you never do things differently!” She laughed sheepishly.

    “But that’s the whole point, isn’t it? Going through harrowing experiences to hone your skills? Why would you just use the one skill if things keep getting harder?” Marshal moved on his lawn chair, facing her. “Daisy, I know science. And science tells us you’ll never improve if you never experiment! If you never try to break boundaries, you’ll never be able to find where they truly lie. Now… who’s the one always telling me to do the very same? And dragged me out here to prove it?”

    She laughed a little, making him smile. “I guess I could stand to be more adventurous with my magic… I’ll see if I can maybe try something next mission.”

    They shared a mutual smile before sitting back down on their chairs. They fell back into their activities, Marshal reading his book while Daisy looked up at her hands. She still felt nervous about doing something new. What if the leaders found out? What if she did get hurt? She might not be able to do this…

    Well…

    Don’t know until you try. And trying was something she could do.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Froggy, I love that your stories are always so sweet and wholesome. Very slice-of-life. Never disappointed to see Daisy and Marshal together or separate. I love how Daisy is exhibiting doubt here. It gives facets to her character and makes her more complex. Love that detail. More so than that, however, is that Marshal is the one doing the comforting and reassuring! I absolutely love that! It’s wonderful to see him growing as a character, as well.

      These are my critiques:

      “Hey(,) Daisy?”

      “Hm… well, I’m able to call it out at will to punch things!” Daisy demonstrated(.)

      I adore how darling and sweet this is. Definitely makes me feel warm inside. Brava.

    2. Makokam Avatar
      Makokam

      The only thing I don’t like about this story is that I want to know more about what’s before and after this scene.
      Everything else was everything I like about stories. Casual banter(okay, maybe not that casual), cool powers, friendship, girls punching above their weightclass…and all the other stuff that’s implied but not actually shown.

      The lawn chair feels like it’s an important bit for setting the scene, so it might have been better to mention it earlier though.

  4. T.C. Holmes Avatar
    T.C. Holmes

    “What did I just do”, Lucy asked as she pulled out the spear head from her bag and threw it onto her bed,”if I’m found out I’m going to go to prison, or death row, or…”

    Her thoughts spiraled out of control wondering what compelled her to steal that blade. She was standing in the back room of the museum waiting for her dad to finish talking with the curators when she saw it. It was poking out of a crate, and curiously she pulled it out and without thinking about it she knew she had to have it. It went into her messenger bag and now she was pacing back and forth not sure of what to do.

    “I could just say it slipped in there”, she justified,”I found it in my bag when I got home.”

    Her eyes were drawn to the shiny silvery blade sitting on her blanket and then just like before she felt like she had to have the blade it was hers somehow,”Why? Why do I want you? I don’t even like medieval weaponry!”

    Lucy turned back to her desk, and sat down before putting her hand to her temples. She then looked to the right and at the tank that sat next to her desk, where her pet iguana Snapper was lazing under her heat lamp,”What am I gonna do Snap?”

    The iguana didn’t even open its eyes, Lucy turned her chair around and once again regarded the blade, then almost in anger she stood and strode over and picked it up off the bed,”Why? Whats so special about you?”

    The blade had no answers. Lucy growled angry gibberish under her breath, before her hands suddenly felt cold. She looked up to see mist pouring off the blade, and frost slowly spreading its way across it.

    Lucy shouted in surprise and dropped the blade at which point the mist stopped and the frost began to melt. She looked down at her hands still slightly numb from the cold and then back to the blade,”What are you?”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      T.C, you’ve created a fabulous story of mysticism and morale. It seems that the spear had called Lucy to it. I also really love that her dad works at the museum, as it provides reason for why she’s there. The moral quandry of her stealing it makes for complex characterization, and I like that she talks it through with her iguana and herself. It shows that she is usually a level-headed girl with a moral compass.

      I’m incredibly curious about the spear’s origins and why it disperses a cold mist and what that means for Lucy. I especially enjoyed she asks the spear what it is. The ending leaves so much room for speculation and exploration

      These are my critiques:

      “What did I just do(?)” Lucy asked as she pulled out the spear head from her bag and threw it onto her bed. “If

      Her thoughts spiraled out of control(,) wondering what

      It was poking out of a crate, and curiously(,) she pulled it out and(,)without thinking about it(,) she knew she had to have it. It went into her messenger bag and now(,) she was pacing back and forth(,) not sure of what to do.

      “I could just say it slipped in there(,)” she justified.

      Her eyes were drawn to the shiny silvery blade sitting on her blanket and then(,) just like before(,) she felt like she had to have the blade(.) (I)t was hers somehow(.) (“)Why?

      Lucy turned back to her desk, and sat down before putting her hand to her temples. (The comma can be deleted, unless you want to put ‘she’ right before ‘sat’)

      lamp(.) “What am I gonna do(,) Snap?”

      The iguana didn’t even open its eyes(.) Lucy turned her chair around and once again regarded the blade, then(,) almost in anger(,) she stood and strode over and picked it up off the bed(.) “Why? What(‘)s

      She looked up to see mist pouring off the blade, and (Delete comma)

      Lucy shouted in surprise and dropped the blade(,) at which point the mist stopped and the frost began to melt. She looked down at her hands(,) still slightly numb from the cold and then back to the blade(.) “What

      I know these critiques look incredibly daunting, but I promise you, they’re purely punctuation. Please take these with a grain of salt. I didn’t write them with malice or anything bad, so please don’t feel bad. Overall, this is a great story, and it raises a few questions by the end that I genuinely hope get answered in future installments. Despite seeing Lucy for a short time, she’s quite an interesting person, and I would definitely love to see how her character develops moving forward. I really enjoyed your story. Your pieces give a lot to think about and analyze. Please keep up the great writing.

    2. Oh, how I do love stuff like this lol. It’s just enough of a tease that you get invested and the mimicking the reader’s reaction to the spear as well as Lucy’s in the last line was really cool. There’s so many ways the story could go. Well done!

  5. CansasDale Avatar
    CansasDale

    Two Sisters And A Glowing Box
    By CansasDale

    “Put it down, Penelope! It could be dangerous.” Maylis said.

    “You worry too much, MayMay.” Penelope said, tossing the glowing box to Maylis, who jumped back letting it fall.

    “Cut it out! And don’t call me MayMay.”

    Penelope bent over to retrieve the box and something on it caught Maylis’ eye.

    “Wait a second. Let me see it.”

    “I thought you were scared of the box.” Penelope teased.

    Maylis rolled her eyes. “Just give it to me.”

    Penelope handed it over.

    “Was this button here before?” Maylis asked.

    Penelope grabbed the box, “What are you talking about? There’s no…” Penelope stopped when she saw the glowing button on top of the box.

    Penelope tried to press the button, but Maylis smacked it out of her hand.

    “What are you thinking?” Maylis shouted. “You can’t just press random buttons that randomly appear on glowing boxes that randomly fall from trees, Penelope.”

    “I know. But when I see a button I’ve just gottta….press it. Aren’t you curious about it?” Penelope asked.

    “Yeah, but it could be a bomb or a missile launcher or a zombie virus or a—”

    “garage opener.” Penelope interrupted.

    “Yes, but what if it’s not? What if it’s poison gas or…”

    Penelope stopped listening to Maylis and gazed at the glowing box that lay at her feet.

    “Why shouldn’t I press it?” Penelope thought. “I found the box. It’s mine.”

    Suddenly the box was in Penelope’s hand, her finger on the button.

    “Penelope! No!” Maylis shrieked, but it was too late. Penelope had pressed the button.

    “I can’t believe it didn’t do anything.” Penelope whined, shuffling her feet in the grass.

    “You should be glad. It could’ve been evil micro bots.” Maylis sighed. “Your button pressing is gonna get us killed one day.”

    Penelope smirked. “But it is not this day, MayMay.”

    “Stop calling me MayMay!”

    Maylis and Penelope chased each other through the rolling hills, forgetting all about the glowing box. Meanwhile deep in space….

    “Hey, Monbing?”

    “Yeah, Toptor.”

    “Where’d you put the Power Button of Treectapie?”

    “Over by the…..Bloomdore Teleporter.”

    The power cuts out.

    “Ah, flork!”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Cansas, I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard of the cartoon “Dexter’s Lab”, but that’s very much what this feels like. Maylis is Dexter, and Penelope is Dee Dee. I absolutely love the humor here. I laughed out loud about six times, at the very least. This feels very much like an episode of a cartoon show. It has those kinds of vibes from the Saturday morning cartoons I used to watch when I was growing up. And the ones that I still watch now. I really love these two and their dynamic; it’s so natural, and they feel like actual people that I would love to meet one day.

      These are my critiques:

      “You worry too much(,) MayMay.” Penelope said(,) tossing the glowing box to Maylis(,) who jumped back(,) letting it fall.

      Penelope tried to press the button(,) but Maylis smacked it out of her hand.

      “What are you thinking?” Maylis (s)houted.

      Aren’t you curious about it(?)” Penelope asked.

      (“)Yes, but what if it’s not?

      Penelope stopped listening to Maylis, and gazed (Delete comma)

      “Penelope! No!” Maylis shrieked (,) but it was to(o) late.

      “I can’t believe it didn’t do anything.” Penelope whined(,) shuffling

      Maylis and Penelope chased each other through the rolling hills(,) forgetting all about the glowing box.

      Please take these critiques with a grain of salt. I mean absolutely nothing malicious by them. Overall, this is an incredibly sweet and funny story. Penelope finally presses the button and is dissatisfied when it doesn’t do anything only for the scene to cut to another world and reveal what it actually does. I especially love the ending with the aliens. Are they brothers? It feels like it. Great subversion and excellent story.

      1. CansasDale Avatar
        CansasDale

        Wow! Thank you so much, Luna! I know the name Dexter’s Lab but i’m afraid that’s it. My writing comfort zone is in the darker, more sinister aspects of fiction. Wars, demons, and such. I’m very glad to hear that this worked as something more lighthearted and humorous. It may be odd but I really do love and appreciate the critiques. They help me learn and become better. 🙂

    2. Makokam Avatar
      Makokam

      Maylis is smart. Pushing buttons when you don’t know what they do is almost always a bad idea. Especially when you don’t even know what the thing the button is on is.

      That said, I do love the reveal. Impressive range on that thing too. My Bluetooth will cut out just going downstairs.

      I think maybe lingering on the moment right after it was pressed and them wondering if it was doing something or would do something then tossing it away would have been better than smash cutting to “it didn’t do anything” and them running through the hills.

      Still a cute story though.

  6. CosmicDesperado30 Avatar
    CosmicDesperado30

    What Dreams Are Made Of
    By. CosmicDesperado

    It had been three hours since the wellwishers and family left me to the darkness that was my father’s estate. The oil burned bright in every room, though the shadows that flickered continued to vex my senses, the setting of the sun seeping everstretching claws of the creeping unknown into my foyer.

    I elected to become mobile in the vain hope of not letting more demons play games on my sight, ascending towards father’s bedroom. Well, my bedroom now, I suppose. I was greeted by portraits of his visage, his boisterous smile cast in sinister contrast by the dancing of my candle’s flame. The trophies he had claimed while overseas on expeditions exuded alien characteristics in my peripheral gaze, staring eternally into the void.

    It wasn’t until my hand was on the door to the bed chamber that I discovered another door in the hallway. Whether it was by wishing to delay the night of bereavement ahead of me or curiosity, I found myself entering this beckoning part of the manor.

    Scrambling in the dark, I lit more candles, their luminous sanctuary revealing a study. It was littered with obscure arcana and hastily scrawled notes like a madman obsessed. All of which appeared relevant to the brass syringe held in reverence at the table in the center.

    There were four glass containers next to the device. One was filled with sickly green, merely gazing upon it gave me visions of plague and infection. One was filled with red; I believe I saw shark teeth and claws bubble to the surface. The third was a milky white, it felt cold and draining to the touch; it reminded me of coroner’s tools. The fourth was completely empty.

    I felt my hands move on their own, compelled by what I had seen. Placing the syringe to my temple, the empty container slotted.

    An instant of terror. A cool sense of calming release followed as if partaking in drink.

    The container was filled with pure shadow.

    I smiled.

    I extinguished the flames and went to bed. The benign darkness lulled me to rest.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Tyler, I really love this title. This absolutely screams Gothic, and I love it so very much. I absolutely love your word usage in this story. It teleports the reader to that time, and the way you described the shadows and the feeling of the narrator exudes foreboding and dread. It feels like a mash-up of Edgar Allan Poe and the flow of an Emily Dickinson poem. I can absolutely see the lengthening shadows and feel the narrator’s fear and sensation of being haunted, especially because he is now without his father and the manor is so big.

      These are my critiques:

      The oil burned in bright in every room, (I believe you can delete the first use of in)

      Well, my bedroom now(,) I suppose.

      One was filled with (a) sickly green substance(;) (I could be totally wrong about this one, and you left out the a on purpose.)

      merely gazing upon (it) gave me visions of plague and infection.

      One was filled with red(;) I believe I saw shark teeth and claws

      The third was a milky white(;) it felt cold and draining to the touch. It reminded me of coroner’s tools.

      compelled by what I had seen(.) Placing the syringe to my temple, the empty container slotted.

      The benign darkness (lulled) me to rest.

      Yours is definitely one of my favorites this week. This is a really great story. It has a lot of powerful imagery, and you put the reader in the middle of it all. It’s also very touching that he finally get some peace in the end. Yes to all of this. Outstanding job.

    2. So mysterious and eldritch! I really enjoy the suspense you build in this piece. We know so little about the narrator, we can’t assume anything solid about their actions at the end, which adds to an already uncanny, tense piece. Awesome work!

    3. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This was really atmospheric and interesting! From the first line I kinda had the voice of the Narrator from the game Darkest Dungeon in my head, and at no point did that voice ever feel unsuitable for the rest of the text, such was the quality of the tone.
      I especially love the description of the dream-stuff, and how their essences were so different and distinct from each other, giving you just enough detail to imagine what kinda dreams must have spawned that essence. Very well done! 😀

  7. MysteryElement Avatar
    MysteryElement

    Innocent Questions
    By MysteryElement

    It’s amazing how a single question can take you from mind-numbing boredom to bone-chilling anxiety in a single moment. I stare at Pepper, trying to process if I had heard correctly.

    “I’m sorry, what did you say, Sweetie?”

    “Daddy, how did Mommy get pregnant?” her cheeks were puffed and red, lips pinched in a cute assimilation to a frown, looking very annoyed.

    “This might be a better question for Mommy.”

    “I asked already!” she whined “And she said to ask you.”

    Thanks Leslie! I can see her in my mind’s eye, a devilish grin on her face as she prepares a snack and listens from the kitchen. That sassy, sexy troublemaker. Pepper still stared at me expectantly. What am I even supposed to say?

    “Well, Sweetie, uh…” I become aware of my own breathing, raising my anxiety “When two people love each other very much,” dear god, I sound like the first half of a punch-line. “The Daddy will give a gift to Mommy, so that she can make a baby for them.”

    “Hah!” Leslie guffawed from the kitchen, choking on her breath a bit.

    I made a face in the kitchen’s direction before turning back to Pepper, her brow scrunched in thought.

    “What did you give Mommy?”

    No! No, nononono! I can hear Leslie squeaking, trying desperately to not laugh at my predicament.

    “I can’t tell you, Sweetie. It is a special gift only a Mommy and Daddy share. When you are older Mommy will explain it a little better.”

    …Ten Years Later…

    It’s amazing how a single statement can take you from mind-numbing boredom to bone-chilling anxiety in a single moment.

    “Oh my god, Dad!” Pepper shouts from down the hall before storming into the living-room. “‘A Daddy gives a special gift to Mommy?’ Are you serious?!”

    I sit stunned, my eyes practically falling out of my head as I stare at my daughter, the memory of that long forgotten conversation resurfacing in my mind like a Kraken coming to devour me. From the hallway, I see Leslie emerge with a charming, evil grin on her face. Shit.

    1. CansasDale Avatar
      CansasDale

      Oh, you gotta love the innocent questions of a child. So full of curiosity. This was a great take on the prompt! The relationship between the husband and wife was great. The wife laughing from the other room. I thought using this line “It’s amazing how a single statement can take you from mind-numbing boredom to bone-chilling anxiety in a single moment.” At the beginning and the end was nice and something I really enjoyed. Fantasic job!

    2. TheFieryEmber Avatar
      TheFieryEmber

      Wow. It almost seemed like lines that were only supposed to move the story along made me laugh. “I sound like the opening to a punch line.” Was in fact, the punch line. You nailed it.

    3. This is a really unique take on the prompt! I really enjoy the relationship the parents share, and the narrator’s voice is quite distinct. Everything works so well together here. Overall, fantastic job!

    4. Amy Trow Avatar
      Amy Trow

      Oh my gosh! This is great! The age old conundrum of ‘how much do you tell them?’. I love the dynamic between these two, and how he can just imagine her sly grin. It’s really telling of how close they are that he can imagine that on her! I love the fact that the kid eventually confronts their parents about it too, too funny!!!

    5. CosmicDesperado30 Avatar
      CosmicDesperado30

      This is unbelievably adorable. The Talk is always the big thing that I’m going to dread dealing with whenever I have kids.

      What really sells it for me is that final part at the end, where the daughter finally puts two and two together, gets fish, then berates daddy for his word use.

      The cherry on top is the way the mother is just watching the guy dig his grave deeper and deeper.

      Was this based on a personal anecdote? Cuz this feels like it’s too real.

  8. “The Mother” by Liz C.

    Sublevel N of The Dovetail Institute was hundreds of feet below the ground, and the elevator’s descent took several minutes. Randall had never been fond of all the pomp and circumstance around entering the sublevels—how Esther was fine with changing in and out of a hazmat suit six times a day was beyond him—but she had insisted he witness what lay beneath their life’s work, and he couldn’t say no to her.

    As Esther led him to the opposite end of the facility, she spoke loudly over the hums and beeps of medical machinery: “Now, the last time you came down here was—”

    “2020.”

    “Right.” She chuckled, though barely audible under her hazmat suit. “A lot has changed down here since then. We’ve been able to collect another hundred fifty tissue samples from the mother, and about half of them were successfully spliced with human DNA. We haven’t been able to expedite the processes within a human host—the forty weeks rule is pretty airtight—but in the lab, we can halve that time.” In front of a pair of massive metal doors, she scanned her keycard. “And we’re here!”

    Randall stared in curious awe. “Oh, wow. She’s…”

    “Gotten bigger, right? We had to move her to a new containment unit last year, and she’s already outgrowing this one.” Esther walked to the center of the room and placed a hand affectionately on the giant glass cage containing the mother.

    Massive, deep purple tentacles mottled with bulging veins writhed within, turning over themselves, pressing out against the bulletproof glass. A sonorous whale-like call emanated from the creature, loud enough to warble between Randall’s ears. Esther moved to the far side of the room and pressed a large red button on a complex control system. Sprinklers along the ceiling of the cage began to douse the creature in a dark liquid.

    “What was that?”

    Esther grinned. “Her mating call. We found that spraying her in iodine prevents her from getting agitated any further.”

    “Ah.” Randall shifted his gaze to the now-silent creature. “So that’s what it does.”

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This was quite the disturbing story! Ether and Randall seem totally chill and fine with whatever is going on, but they have a giant tentacle beast deep below the earth, that they are apparently taking bits off of? And splicing them with human dna??? What the heck are they planning to do with that. 0_0 And spraying them with iodine doesn’t seem like a very pleasant thing to do either.

      Deffo a very strong sense of place here, and the uncanny tone created from the disparity between what the reader sees and how the characters react to it certainly is effective. Good work! 🙂

    2. I love the mystery this piece presents the reader, leaving the them with so many questions on the nature of the facility and its people. The vagueness of the elements in the story, coupled with how casual the characters just discuss about these things, just piques the reader’s curiosity, leaving them wanting more. The story itself is well-written, with the voices being very clear and distinct. The setting is also well-described, creating vivid imagery. Overall, great job!

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This one oozes unease. I love the contrast of Esther’s easy-going demeanor as she deals with this tentacled titan. Randall is right to be distressed.

      Super happy to see Randall and Esther here again. One of my favorite things about them is that despite their dealings, it’s obvious they love each other. Great story, Liz!

  9. Dad’s Masterpiece
    By NocteVesania (Public Group Repost)

    “What the fuck is this supposed to be?” Jake, my older brother, asked as I set the device on the table. It was a white globe, smooth like polished glass.

    “He said he’d show us once he’d finished it,” I answered. “I guess he never did.”

    Dad was an electronics engineer. Whenever he was working on something, he would show it to us. I always loved it when the tiny bulbs lit up, coming to life in different colors.

    “Figures.” Jake looked away, his brow furrowed as he stared out the window.

    When mom left, dad started drinking heavily. One day, when Jake was 16, he got in an argument with dad. In the end, Jake left the house, never to return.

    When dad was diagnosed with cancer, he locked himself in the basement, working day and night until he had passed. Now, with dad gone, Jake finally paid me a visit.

    Jake spoke again. “So, you’re telling me he poured everything he had into this little project, and we—”

    “So that’s why you came back? Inheritance?”

    “No! I came to check up on you!”

    “Why? Are you worried about me? What about all those years, when you left me to care for dad, all alone? Weren’t you worried about me then?”

    He didn’t answer.

    I sighed. “Why did you leave?”

    “I just couldn’t live like that. I felt there was something better for me out there.”

    I didn’t know what to say.

    “I figured you could handle it. You were always the smarter one.” He placed his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’ve always wanted to come back, but I was too afraid.”

    Tears started streaming down my cheeks.

    “What about this thing?” My voice trembled as I placed my hand on the device. I never liked baring my feelings, so I tried changing the subject.

    “Let’s find out together,” he said as he wrapped his arms around me. “Don’t worry, big bro’s here now.”

    We never really found out what the globe was for, but we found something it did:

    It brought us brothers back together.

    1. I really enjoy the dialogue here, it feels very realistic and flows nicely. The concept is great as well! You conveyed very well that these brothers have been through a lot together, and through their hardships, they find connection. My only criticism, if any, is that this should be longer! Trying to show several years’ worth of events is near impossible with this word limit, but you pulled it off! Good job!

  10. Gregory Hess Avatar
    Gregory Hess

    “The truth” [Lily’s Story, public group copy]
    By gregovin

    The Orb of Truth. Fought over. Guarded. Ignored for hundreds of years.

    Then Doctor Maloron showed up and, as we fought them, we found it.

    Supposedly, it grants whoever touches it access to some terrible, world-shattering revelation. There are even rumors that this knowledge is powerful.

    I doubt that. Doctor Maloron touched it and broke down. He was an easy kill.

    I maintain a reasonable distance from the Orb, noting its features as I move around it. It looks like a green gem, cloudy and mysterious. But perfectly spherical.

    Edward speaks up. “Lily, what do you make of it?” He sounds… tired. Just done. I hope he’s ok.

    “Uh, it’s a magical artifact and it’s absolutely terrif-” I trip over something and start to fall. I put my hands in front of me. Only a moment too late do I realize I am falling toward the Orb.

    My hand grazes the Orb.

    A memory drags me back. We’re walking by a mountain. The mountain disappears for a split second. I… remember this? I must have been seeing things? Why is the Orb showing me this? What is the revelation?

    I realize something. The mountain did disappear. And the sign was scrambled. And the Grandma was supposed to remember us. It all… happened. What did it all mean? I… don’t get it.

    Then my perspective is pulled out of my body. Away from the ground. Up. Up. Up. Past the highest clouds. Toward the moon. As I go up, I notice something about the moon. It looks… flat. Fake. Wrong. It is all of those things.

    Does this mean our world isn’t real? No. It can’t be. Not possible. That doesn’t make sense.

    Then I briefly see a rack of metal boxes with blinking lights replace my world, and I know my world is not real.

    I’m brought back toward the world, this revelation crushing me. Then I notice the world is spinning faster. I’m seeing a future, I know it. The world starts to vanish, bit by bit, until it disappears wholesale.

    I wake up. I KNOW.

  11. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    An Unexpected Awakening
    By Calliope Rannis

    Inside her cage of exotic metals, Nyssa jerked awake.

    “AGH-ah, ah…huh?” she breathed, trying to get her bearings. The cage was sideways, that much was evident. The side above her was concerningly distorted by the weight of whatever lay above it, and she could see broken stone through the porthole to her left. But – thank the stars – faint light permeated through the other side.

    Struggling onto her hands and knees, Nyssa pushed her weight against the cage door, and with excruciating effort managed to shove it open. Crawling out of her failed tomb, she stood and looked down at herself. Cuts, bruises, marks all over her body…so why didn’t they hurt?

    Well, some hurt. That cut on her arm burned, a large scrape on her belly radiated pain, a bruise just behind her ear throbbed through her skull. But so many other wounds had minimal to no pain. Why? WHY??

    Then she remembered something else. She gingerly pulled her dusty robe away from her chest, shuddering at what lay beneath.

    A black, perfectly circular burn mark, surrounded by a ring of reddened skin, where she had touched a metal cable to the flesh directly above her heart. It was completely numb.

    Nyssa spun her gaze away from her body, turning around to face the ruin she had staggered out of. There laid the shattered wreck of her device, mixed with the broken rubble of the tower she had housed it in.

    This wasn’t supposed to happen. None of this. It wasn’t meant to- She was meant to-

    She looked back at her shaking hands. As she stared, a tiny rivulet of electricity jumped from one finger to the next. Then another, and another, jumping across her palms and radiating up through her arms. She flicked her wrist, and a single errant spark leaped from a finger, fading into the air.

    Somehow, the one thing Nyssa had never expected to happen had occurred. The one thing they had all told her, to the point where she had even believed it herself, could never actually happen.

    The experiment had succeeded.

    1. This is really cool! You captivated me from the beginning with the ‘exotic metals’, and kept me entertained all the way to the last sentence. I would love to read more about this experiment and the powers Nyssa has. There’s so much mystery to unpack, and you make great usage of the word count. Great job!

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Ah thank you very much! I do kinda throw the reader into the middle of things with this one, gives them space to figure stuff out a bit. And yes I may well write more about her in future too. <3

    2. CosmicDesperado30 Avatar
      CosmicDesperado30

      So when does Nyssa join the Legion of Doom?

      I joke of course. I enjoyed the suspense and intrigue regarding her situation. Is she a vampire? Was she dead and recently re-animated? Was there some great battle and she was put into a healing state?

      The word choice made me keep guessing whether or not it was sci-fi or fantasy. Then those final paragraphs happened and everything clicked into place.

      Great job my friend

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        I don’t know what the legion of Doom is actually! XD Is this the thing Dr Doom leads?

        Nyssa isn’t a vampire no. And she wasn’t dead when the experiment started either, though now she has her doubts. No great battle either – the destruction unleashed upon this place was all the aftermath of the experiment itself.

        And I suppose the genre isn’t super clear from this piece is it? The setting is deffo much more fantasy than sci-fi in this case though. 🙂

        1. CosmicDesperado30 Avatar
          CosmicDesperado30

          the Legion of Doom is from DC comics and usually involves Lex Luthor. It was just a mild barb at how this felt like the start of a comic book character’s origin story with the lightning powers.

          I liked it all the same 😀

    3. revisis Avatar
      revisis

      Ohhh! Mad scientist surprised mad-experiment worked! xD

      I like how she first pushed herself out of a death trap, walks a few meters and then goess “Wait, why do I feel so well”
      This is an interestig take on the prompt because we dont SEE them do the “it” that works. We seem them emerging from the literal smoke of the aftermath knowing that, in fact, THATs how it works!

      I wonder if this means what ever Nyssa did is gonna be replicated, and what kinda implications her new abilities gonna have…

      Excellent story!

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Thank you! The scary thing is, she probably picked up some of those injuries trying to get out of that cage, but she didn’t even notice it because those injuries didn’t trigger a proper pain response.

        And considering this is my dnd character, a Gnome Storm Sorcerer, I think you can kinda get what the implications of her powers might translate into. Not to mention, Nyssa’s theoretical ability to reconstruct the device based on her old designs is very much a potential aspect of that campaign too. 😉

  12. Uh Oh…
    By Marx

    I might very well be the most powerful woman alive. The only reason time moves forward is because I exist to be an end point. I am feared. I am respected. I am neutral. I am Death. I am…

    …lonely…

    But my prophesied mate, my horseman, has recently been born into this mortal realm. I can’t remember a time I’ve been so excited. I wish that I could introduce myself to him, but… it would be rather awkward. Once he has a knowledge of what fear is, I’m sure I’ll be near the top of that list. But we’re fated. It will work out.

    I’ve dropped in on him twice now. Once when he was born, just to see him. And once more the first time he used his powers. I thought I’d need to protect him as he was still rather young, but…an angel beat me to it. Ironically, the angel I thought I’d have to protect him from…

    That’s fine.

    It’s fine.

    He’ll need me at some point.

    But in a blink to me, it was a decade later and there were whispers. He’d taken a familiar. A demon. Silly boy. People will think you’ve chosen a side. We can’t do that. He’ll learn. So, I check on him again, surprised to see that he’s already taken a second familiar. The angel. That’s better. One from each side. His third should be neutral ideally, but it’s his choice.

    But then I saw the most likely candidate. A fairy. And while I have nothing against fairies, this one rubbed me the wrong way immediately. The other two were happy to be chosen. Humble. But the fairy was…entitled. She felt that they were…fated. They are NOT fated. WE are fated. How dare this insignificant, bratty, jealous little creature-

    Wait…

    What’s wrong with me? It’s his choice… Why do I care? Why do I feel…slighted by her presumptuousness? Why do her jealous actions anger me?

    Am…I jealous?

    Is that what this feels like?

    This…gnawing?

    This…pain…?

    It is very unpleasant.

    I do not like it.

    That fairy’s going to have to go…

    1. Aaron Fleming Avatar
      Aaron Fleming

      A good and funny piece Marx. I like how the story explores death and her future relationship with her horseman, as well as her needs and feelings. I figured the prompt connects to the story in the sense of death discovering what jealousy does to an individual based on her feelings. It is also interesting to see how death as a character explores her feelings toward the others involved as well. Her concern over the demon looking like the horseman boy is picking a side, and the angel being selected balancing out the issue. I’d be interested in the future to hear more from death and about her relationship with the boy and what will come of it, so I’ll keep an eye out for future stories by you as well.

      1. Thank you so much! I’m glad you liked it. And yes, jealousy is what Death figured out the working parts of. I always find it a funny difference between recognizing an emotion in others and feeling it for the first time yourself.

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Marx, this one is spectacular. I absolutely adore how you weave so many emotions in this story, and it’s only being told from a singular perspective! Is the narrator death, or something akin to death? It’s really interesting watching their rationalization and their mental operation. I really enjoyed the part also about when the fairy is thrown into the fray. I do love that she initially gives the fairy the benefit of the doubt, but is ultimately suspicious and eventually says the fairy has to go. This is quite intriguing, and I am very enamored with the story. Most definitely interested to see where it goes. Great story.

      1. Lol you want to know the funny thing about the perspective? This story was initially going to be in third person because that’s how I write by default, but with Death never referring to anyone by name, I kept running into pronoun issues and changing the perspective was the easiest way around it. I do think it added to the emotional weight in a way I hadn’t expected at first.

        To answer your question though, the narrator is definitely Death. As in the concept of death wasn’t a thing until she was born.

        Thank you for your comment!

    3. Makokam Avatar
      Makokam

      Personifying abstract concepts like “death” are always fun and fascinating. Especially since if I’m understaning this correctly Death did not exist this Death was…born? And also because death is one of the most callous and balanced things in the universe.
      And yet here Death is jealous. Jealous of the affection demanded by (and given to?) a fairy. Because for once somwthing exists that is her equal, and she believes was always meant to be hers.
      And the callousness vanishes for vindictiveness.
      Funny how that works.

  13. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    A Loving Reminder (Reposted from Private)
    by Lunabear

    She had been cold. Lifeless. Two things I can never attribute to her. But… that’s how it was, no, IS.

    I let my son and myself into the house, its frigid, stale air familiar yet empty. Because she’s not here. Not anymore.

    Aaron asks for food, and I make him lunch. My mind is blank, and my hands work on autopilot. He sits and watches TV while eating. I sit in her recliner and stare distantly at the wall.

    My siblings and I had thanked everyone for coming to see her off, but where they had cried and wept, I had not.

    I pick up the gift she had left behind before her final stay in the hospital. I’ve been ignoring it since she got sick. I thought maybe if I didn’t open it while she was still here, it would somehow keep her from passing away. The card reads:

    I may not have always shown it, but I love you. Stay together and stay strong. ~Mama.

    The small box trembles in my hand, the blue and pink dots becoming blurred as tears well. I beat them back like before, but this time, the floodgates burst, and I tear into the little box with wild abandon. Little crooning noises escape my throat. I swallow them down. I don’t bother wiping my face.

    Inside the box is a sphere. I roll it around in my hands, looking for some kind of mechanism or button.

    “I finished my food. Why are you crying, Mama?”

    “I just miss Granny, Sweet Pea.”

    “I miss her, too. What’s that?”

    Aaron sits on my lap, prodding the gift.

    Together, we find a switch that opens one half of it. Out pops a pink, spinning ballerina, and twinkling music plays.

    “It’s a music box!” Aaron exclaims, his head swaying to the lullaby. “It’s beautiful, Mama!”

    A picture is taped to the mirror behind the ballerina: my mother and all eight of her children, each wearing an enormous smile.

    “Yes, it is beautiful, Buddy.” I snuggle him close.

    More tears fall as the song concludes.

    1. Michael Case Avatar
      Michael Case

      This is such a sweet story. Often when I write I over look the human element that your stories always seem to capture so well. You captured the feel of the after math of a funeral without having to say it. Great job.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so much for your review, Michael. This is a very personal piece to me, and I’m glad that you enjoyed it.

    2. Joseph Kharms Avatar
      Joseph Kharms

      You are incredibly talented. The atmosphere you create and maintain is amazing. To create so much story and character and emotion in just 350 words is truly amazing.
      Thank you for sharing such a powerful little story.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so very much for your review, Joseph. It means so much that you liked it. You are absolutely welcome. 💛💜

    3. This is such a powerful story given the word restrictions you had to work with. It genuinely tugs at your heart strings in such a short period of time. You definitely maximized the concept’s potential. It absolutely comes across how personal this is, and wrapping it up in the end with the purpose of the prompt and how powerful even that was, it definitely achieved it’s desired effect.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so much for your review. I’m truly glad you enjoyed it. Your words are incredibly appreciated.

    4. Aaron Fleming Avatar
      Aaron Fleming

      I really love how well this is written! It carries a real sense of loss. Not only the way we are told that Granny is lifeless, but in other details like the house being frigid and empty carries the experience of how the mother interprets the environment through the lens of loss. I myself lost my dad to cancer earlier this year, so I understand this sort of loss. It’s well written. Thank you for sharing this.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        I am so very sorry to hear about your dad. If you feel like you need to talk or vent, absolutely more than welcome. My DMs are open. Thank you for your review and feedback. It’s much appreciated. Hugs to you.

    5. Where do I begin? This story is one of the saddest I’ve read and it maintains its flow brilliantly. From the first word I felt for the characters in this story and that feeling didn’t stop until the end. Also the music box was well done. Even without any backstory, I felt I knew all I needed to know about this item and its connection to the story and the grandmother. Very well done.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so very much, Alex. This was an important story that I felt I had to write and share. I’m so thankful that you like it. Your reviews are always welcome and appreciated.

    6. revisis Avatar
      revisis

      Ahh….I did not expect such a hard hitting story to come from a prompt like this…

      And that isnt to mean it doesnt fit! This is a moving story about acceptance and letting emotions play out.
      I love the opening, it immediatly begins to dawn on you what is happening, and by the time she goes to find the gift you can feel the emotions building up before being released in the heartwarming interaction with her son.

      Definitly a beautiful and moving story. Great work Luna!

  14. Michael Case Avatar
    Michael Case

    The Golden Touch

    By Michael Case

    Kevin and Kathleen looked over the golden statue standing before them. Amazed at the craftsmanship of the goldsmiths that made it. The two adventurers stared at it for a good hour before looking at the cave behind it.

    “Oh, look at all the details. They even crafted a King touching the ground, and it all looks like gold.” Kevin was mesmerized by it all. Kathleen was only excited about the gold.

    As Kevin started to step pass the golden statue Kathleen grabbed him.

    “Stop!” She said in a panicked tone. Pointing at the ground, “Look at the ants. Those can’t be crafted.”

    Kevin dropped down to his knees and took a close look at the ants. He then tore a piece of paper from his notebook and tossed it into the temple.

    “DO IT AGAIN!” Kathleen was overly excited by what had happened. She was struggling to keep calm as she watched the paper turn to gold before her eyes. “You don’t think that statue is actually King Midas do you?”

    Kevin, looking confounded by what he had seen. He started to speak when they heard a muffled crunch sound. “We should make a note about all this and get out of here in case the cave collapses.” Kevin said.

    As the two started to leave, Kathleen went back to pick up an ant so that she can have a trophy of this adventure. Kevin slapped her hand. “Didn’t you see what that ground did to the paper?”

    “Yes, but I wasn’t going to touch the ground.” Kathleen said while rubbing her hand. “I was going to use a piece of paper to scoop it up into another piece of paper.”

    “Fine then…” Kevin stopped talking. Not realizing that he had touched the temple ground while trying to save Kathleen. He had turned to gold.

    Kathleen started to tear up over what had happened. “You fool, you stupid… stupid fool. You killed us both.”

    Kathleen knew in an instant that she was doomed, Kevin had the map.

    1. This story is so heartbraking. Kevin’s sacrifice was very moving, only to have it be in vain is brilliantly tragic. I always like a good temple with booby-traps scenario, but what really got me was the ending, especially because it seemed to pointless and avoidable. The emotional end is very well done, I think. Great job.

      1. Michael Case Avatar
        Michael Case

        Thank you for reading. I like stories that have messed up endings like this one. So I’m glad you like it.

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      My first impression after reading the title was, “Huh. This reminds me of Midas.”

      This is very scary but also quite sad, Michael. These two children only wanted an adventure. Kathleen becomes drawn in and greedy and Kevin is careless. I couldn’t imagine watching my friend turn into gold in front of me then having to realize I can’t find my home because the map is rolled up and now solid gold. On top of that, the cave could collapse.

      This is my only critique:

      in case the cave collapses(.)”

      Really good story.

      1. Michael Case Avatar
        Michael Case

        It wouldn’t be one of my stories if it didn’t have some grammar issues. Thank you for that.

        I always thought the idea of King Midas’s touch going away like the myths said seemed cheap. A better way of ending it would be to have it still effective even after his death. I mean if Medusa’s stare was still effective after death, then why not King Midas’s touch.

        Thank you for reading this. One of these days I’m going to write something that grammatically correct. I promise…

        1. Lunabear Avatar
          Lunabear

          It was an absolute honor to read your story. Absolutely no worries. We all mess up, and we are here to improve ourselves to enjoy fabulous stories and each other’s company. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Your stories are always wonderful, warts and all.

  15. Aaron Fleming Avatar
    Aaron Fleming

    “The Toymaker” [Aethryn Fantasy Setting]
    By Aaron Fleming
    Once upon a time in the small barony of Marwether there lived a little girl named Adara. Adara lived with her father, the Baron of Marwether, and one day their home was visited by a travelling toymaker.

    The toymaker finished winding the key of a small clockwork doll. “Now watch!” He gestured dramatically.

    Adara watched and the little figure sprang to life and danced freely across the floor of the room. It moved like no clockwork toy Adara had ever seen. It moved with human like grace and motion. Adara looked up and saw Papa and the toymaker talking in the next room their voices low and quiet. She hoped she would get to keep the doll though, it was beautiful. She turned back and watched it continue to dance, something it seemed to do for a very long time.

    Abruptly there was shouting from the other room and the toymaker stormed out. His face red with anger, he moved as if to sweep the doll up in his hands and take it away. Suddenly he stopped and instead did the oddest thing. The toymaker crouched down and whispered in the doll’s ear something Adara couldn’t hear. Then he stood up and turned to Adara’s father.

    “Ah, Baron Marwether I apologize for my earlier anger during our discussion. Seeing your daughter here I can’t simply take the doll away from her in a fit of anger like this. Instead I will give you the doll as a show of no ill will between us. I hope it will help to show you my craftsmanship, and better our working relationship in the future.”

    The toymaker left very shortly afterwards. Later that night, as Adara slept she did not see the doll move on its own. Nor see it dance to her father’s bedroom. Nor did she see its hands extend into sharp blades. She did, however, find her father that next morning.

    She would spend years afterwards hunting down the toymaker.

    1. Michael Case Avatar
      Michael Case

      This bit at the end;

      “ Nor did she see its hands extend into sharp blades. She did, however, find her father that next morning.

      She would spend years afterwards hunting down the toymaker”

      That little bit there tells so much about the story without having to explain any of the gore involved with what Adara saw. Classical horror writing in its own right. Very well done.

      1. Aaron Fleming Avatar
        Aaron Fleming

        Thanks Michael! I appreciate the feedback. I’m glad you liked that part of the story. It was actually among the first lines to come into my head for the story, so the rest almost wrote itself building up to those final images and implications.

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I love that you start this off like a classic fairytale, Aaron. It definitely gives off that kind of vibe. And it’s Adara’s beginning!

      These are my only critiques:

      saw papa (Papa) and the toy maker (toymaker) talking

      The toymaker crouched down and whispered in the dolls (doll’s) ear

      There are also a few mistakes with commas.

      I love that this gives credence to why Adara is spending so much time with Arith. At least we know drives her, now. I do wonder what the argument between the toymaker and her father was about. Definitely got Nutcracker vibes from this while reading. I’m really growing to love this pair, and I hope we get to see Arith’s backstory soon. Great job.

      1. Aaron Fleming Avatar
        Aaron Fleming

        I’m glad you liked it Lunabear! I’ll go make those edits too. Though some of these stories are set in seperate and different universes but I use the same characters (perhaps sort of parallel versions of them). I do see Arith and Adara as close friends in all of them though. This one is set in a fantasy universe, while the earlier ones were in a sci-fi setting. Regardless though I’m glad you are enjoying the characters so much. I’m currently picturing this version of Adara (as an adult) hunting the toy maker with a flintlock rifle. Arith in this version is some manner of wizard.

    3. CansasDale Avatar
      CansasDale

      The first thing I’d like to say is that you put a whole backstory in <350 words without making it feel rushed or like anything had been cut out. I'd love to hear more of Adara and her hunt for the toymaker. I also wonder what the father and the toymaker were arguing about. You could write an entire novel on this! I applaud you and your fantastic writing!

    4. I really like this story. It makes such great use of the word limit by leaving so much to the reader’s imagination. Especially the end. And going into detail isn’t necessary. In fact, I’d say the bluntness of the the last few sentences only makes it more horrifying. It definitely paints a picture you want to see more of. Great job!

  16. Lari B. Haven Avatar
    Lari B. Haven

    I know them very well
    By: Larissa (Lari B.Haven)

    It was nostalgic to see the new girls training in the repair room. Alexandria could remember well: the rush of excitement, seeing how things worked for the first time.
    It’s been a while since she saw anyone learning how to dismantle the engine and clean the pipes.

    Through the window’s door, she could see the two fourteen-years-old, with unfitted uniforms and the green tie on their necks. Paula the mechanic, walking them through the steps of using the mechanical wings in the gigantic company workbook.

    They clearly were not having the best of times. All those tedious hours in the cluttered room, looking at the blackboard with no actual practice. It could be a daunting task to do when you are just getting the hang of learning about air routes for this job.

    “Alexandria! Are you here for a quick fix, or just to see me suffer?”

    Paula was impatient and harsh as always.

    “I can’t resist going back to basics, can I?” She enters laughing.

    She greets the girls and puts their hands on her wings, making them touch the metal parts.

    “Close your eyes, now tell me, what are those?” She guides their hands and puts them over the wings propellers.

    “The thing that makes them flap?” One of them responded unsurely.

    “Correct, now where’s the button that starts the engine?”

    Both run their fingers through the shell until the other one finds the small button hidden between the right-wing pair.

    The engine heats on, and the steam slowly runs through the pipes.

    “Can you hear its humming?”

    They listen to the sound of the mechanical buzz in complete awe. Finally opening their eyes, observing it flailing by itself like an awakened butterfly, lifting Alexandria off the ground in the tiny room.

    “Your wings will tell you everything you need to know about them. Just close your eyes and listen!”

    She turns the engine off and turns to Paula, smiling.

    “You are a good teacher…”

    “I just know them very well.”

    “The wings or the kids?” Paula gives a sly smirk.

    Alexandria responds with pride: “Both.”

  17. The Assassin Avatar
    The Assassin

    Impotent Shrine
    By TheAssassin

    The shrine of our forefathers. Prophesied to bring us light in the darkest night, to bring us power in our weakest hour, to help us upon receiving the greatest sacrifice. It was meant to save us.

    It didn’t.

    We offered unto it the sacrifices of man. The blood of all beings stains its cobble and the ashes of our harvest lay scattered before it. The great statue laden with gems and carvings has yielded us naught but false hope. Lo! Even its stone is useless to us!

    Our borders are crumbled, and our castles burn upon green hills. Our people are chained. Men grovel in the dirt under the whips of cruel masters. Children do not laugh, and birds do not chirp. Nothing remains for us here but the ruins of our forefathers.

    Forefathers who failed us.

    The final sacrifice will soon be offered. It is not a beast, nor plants of the field. It is us. A final immolation for freedom. If our deliverance does not come, then so shall we fall. It is the way of things. Death in the purifying flames is better than living under torturous masters.

    And so, we pour the oil atop the shrine’s altar. The statue looms above us, its cold form imposing in the dark night.

    The fire-bearer will soon arrive. He will have stolen a torch from our sleeping masters. The night is our only peace from their gaze. If only the shrine did as was prophesied, then we wouldn’t need to burn quietly in the darkness. Perhaps then we might ride upon radiance in the day. Alas, no such fate will us befall.

    And so, as the fire-bearer approaches and ignites the oil, we burn. Our bodies tremble with weakness as we look into the dark skies. But no pain comes.

    Instead, we see light.

    Instead, we feel power.

    Light in the darkest night, power in our weakest hour, the shrine channeled the flames of our greatest sacrifice.

    Flames that will free us, flames that will save us.

    1. Michael Case Avatar
      Michael Case

      I’m reading this story from the viewpoint of a paleolithic mans story. I’m not sure if that’s the right way of reading it, but if it is great job. This really seems like mans first attempt to grab control of fire from another group of people. It’s almost mythologic in your presentation of this tale. Excellent job.

      By the way am I correct in reading it that way?

      1. The Assassin Avatar
        The Assassin

        Unfortunately, this was not what I envision, but I do love this idea. I did try and capture the same feeling myths give, so you were right in that regard!

    2. Aaron Fleming Avatar
      Aaron Fleming

      An interesting story. I figured they would actually perish in the end, perhaps end up in a paradise afterlife or something. I like the twist how the sacrifice of themselves in hopelessness was what actually sparked their salvation. The only real critique I can come up with here is the sense of repetition of hopelessness gets a little too strong (for my taste anyway) where it risks going from actual tragedy to overdone tragedy. I don’t think it crosses that line, but it kind of moves a little towards the line. I know this is something that is more depended on perception, so please take my critique with a grain of salt there. Perhaps more dialogue, maybe between two of the people waiting at the altar, or maybe between the sacrificed and the torch-bringer? That might dramatize it more and avoid the repetition of doom sorta thing. On the whole though, and interesting tale.

      1. The Assassin Avatar
        The Assassin

        I kind of agree with the repetitive nature of the doom and gloom, but I never really find a way to add anything else without compromising the tone because of word count limitations. Likewise, with dialogue I find the wordcount limiting. Its something I should improve so thanks for putting it in my mind. 🙂

        1. Aaron Fleming Avatar
          Aaron Fleming

          Sure thing. 🙂 No problem. I totally get the whole word limit thing. It really adds to the challenge, but I think doing so works to make us all better and more concise writers. Keep at it 🙂 You’re doing well.

  18. Rules for the Ages (Armitage Universe)
    By Alex Nightingale (aka Spectre)

    Ladorestes walked amongst the other reapers, when his gaze stopped at two of the youngest. Felix stood and faced down this ancient scythe-wielder, who held his instrument much like an executioner would hold their sword. Rachel, the reaper next to him, seemed slightly less sure of herself, yet met Ladorestes with the same outward vigor as her colleague.

    “Well,” he said coldly: “You two have brought us quite the conundrum.”

    “Sir, I…” Rachel began.

    “I don’t want to hear it!” Ladorestes cut her off: “I’m not interested in excuses! You lost us an entire halfway house of souls, one you assured me was safe, and you…”

    He glared at Felix. Every muscle in his body screamed at him to get away, but defiance held him in place.

    “You went and got yourself stabbed by some old hedge witch. What kind of reaper are you?!”

    “I explained,” Felix replied: “That I am a caretaker. A counsellor for souls…”

    “You are a pencil pusher, Felix. And a moron. A gods damned moron. This little support group of yours is taking away valuable time and resources, or have you forgotten that the reapers are dying?!”

    Now Felix did back away, his head held low. Ladorestes pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

    “I apologize,” the old reaper said: “I’m just tired. We’re all tired. Souls need our help and we can’t keep up anymore.”

    “The Syndicate is growing out of control,” Rachel interjected: “Yuri is a problem we can’t do much about right now, but witches and Mafiosi are just people. Powerful, yes, but people. I have allies on Earth. Give me a few reapers and I’ll…”

    “There isn’t anyone to spare. We can’t start a war, not now.”

    “We aren’t getting any stronger,” Felix replied: “If not now, then when?”

    “Enough! Both of you, just do your jobs. Properly.”

    With that Ladorestes turned and left. Felix turned to Rachel, barely containing his anger.

    “We just let the Syndicate keep doing what they do?”

    “Yes”, she answered: “Because we were ordered to. That’s how it works. That’s how it’s always worked.”

    1. Connor A. Avatar
      Connor A.

      Talk about worlds colliding. It’s fascinating to see how people in the land of the living are affecting a group that’s already stretched so thin. It’s also good to hear about Yuri again and how these reapers view him. As always, you did an excellent job on your submission this week.

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is an intriguing dynamic that we are not used to seeing from the Armitage Universe, Alex. I do like that we’re getting a more behind-the-scenes look at everything that goes into keeping the world safe, though. It could be so easy to write Ladorestes off as a hard-nosed, ticked-off character, but he has valid reasons for his anger. he seems to not like working for The Syndicate any more than Rachel or Felix do, but he must do his job in order to contain the demons and to keep balance.

      These are my critiques:

      Felix stood and faced down this ancient scythe-wielder, who held (h)is instrument

      have you forgotten that the reapers are dying(?)!”

      If not now, then when(?)”

      Why did you add colons when the characters pick up the dialogue after the interrupting words? (Just curious)

      I am quite interested about the backstories of Rachel and Felix and Ladorestes. How far up on The Syndicate food chain are they? I’m really interested to know more about them for sure. How come the reapers are spread so thin? Is it because Yuri is eating up all the souls? is it because the Armitages are unable to keep everything in check? Great story.

      1. Thank you so much for your feedback. I noticed you have many questions, some of which I will answer. The reapers don’t actually work for the Syndicate, but actively against them. Due to the fact that there are very few of them left, they can’t do much about that though, which is why Ladorestes denies Rachel and Felix the support they need (sorry, if that wasn’t made clear).

        Felix and Rachel are characters I want to try and make recurring characters (Felix in particular). About the reapers themselves, suffice it to say, Yuri is a cause for their demise. A cause.

        About the colons, it’s a convention from German I carried over into English. Nobody ever pointed it out before, so I just kept doing it.

        1. Lunabear Avatar
          Lunabear

          Oh! Ok. Cool. The part about the reapers is made perfectly clear. That’s absolutely awesome. Super stoked for more, especially involving Yuri. Thank you so much for explaining.

  19. jellyrelic75 Avatar
    jellyrelic75

    An Uninvited Guest
    By Jellyrelic75

    Charlotte walked along the path, heading home with her basket of fresh raspberries. She came to a halt before a strange glowing ball on the ground. Curious, she knelt beside it, poking it cautiously with a stick, “What is this?”

    The ball was a sort of blue-white glass orb, about five centimeters in size. Charlotte picked up a stick and poked at it once more but it seemed not to do anything. She thought it odd, but continued home. She glanced over her shoulder, pausing in confusion. The orb seemed to be closer. She stared for a moment, then, remembering her basket of berries, shook off the nerves and marched on.

    Immediately, something felt off.

    She looked back again, and there it was. A few more steps. Still it followed. Groaning, she stood in front of it, staring down at the strange ball.

    “Why are you following me?” She asked. No response.

    She let out an exasperated sigh, eyeing it once more before breaking into a run. Once she was home, she slammed the door shut, leaving it on the front step.

    “Finally…” she sighed, putting down the basket and walking into her bedroom.

    And yet again, there it was, sitting on her bed.

    “Oh come on!” She exclaimed, “What do you even do?!”

    “I’m simply here to keep you company.”

    Her blood ran cold. “Y-you… you just… talked…”

    “I did.”

    Cautiously, she picked up the orb. Upon contact, a relieving wave of comfort flooded her, letting her entire body relax.

    “What are you?” she breathed, sitting down on her bed as she studied the ball.

    “A friend.”

    1. When I started reading this, I got some real Little Red Riding Hood vibes. I felt for sure that the ball would burst open only to reveal a hungry wolf concealed within it. The buildup of this scene is great and I would love to see more of this. Although the ball claims to be a friend, I can’t help but feel concerned for Charlotte. Very suspenseful, well done.

    2. Joseph Kharms Avatar
      Joseph Kharms

      Very good! I enjoyed this very much. The last line is great and is a relief to the reader after such a suspenseful start.
      It goes to show us, that as humans we tend to distrust oddities and anomalies. But this story shows us we should not be so swift to push away that which we don’t understand.
      Great story!

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Oh, Jelly! This is a darling first entry! It’s so wholesome and sweet. I really enjoyed how this turned out. I love the subversion of thinking that the ball is going to be hostile or malicious or maleficent, but it turns out to be something incredibly friendly and so heartwarming. No critiques from me! Great job!

  20. Connor A. Avatar
    Connor A.

    “Machinas” (Tales of Marow)
    By Connor A.

    “I thought you were going to fix his voice.” Tala walked in as Medrash opened SP1K3’s chest to reveal a smaller protective covering.

    “That was the original plan.” Medrash’s movements were slow, possibly from a combination of his wounds and the cold weather at Ela’s Base. “However, your machina friend here seems to have a damaged mage box, so that became my top priority.”

    Tala walked to the opposite side of SP1K3 to get a better look for herself. “Not familiar with it.”

    “Think of it like… a second brain.” Medrash tapped the side of his head with his uninjured hand. “While the first brain controls ‘thoughts,’ the second brain tends to body maintenance.” He removed the covering to reveal an empty, cube-shaped cavity. “That’s… not good. The mage box should be here.”

    Tala tilted her head and pulled out a black cube with blue inscriptions. “This?” She handed it to Medrash so he could properly examine it.

    “Yes.” He turned it so that a magic circle was visible and placed it in the cavity. When the inscriptions glowed, he replaced the covering.

    SP1K3’s eyes blinked on as a deep voice spoke, “Self-repair ritual initiated.”

    “So that’s what it does.” Tala watched what she could of the process.

    “Why did you have the mage box?” Medrash asked. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

    “Stole it.”

    “I see.” Medrash pushed himself off the ground. “This will take awhile. Do you want to join everyone else for a bit?”

    Tala shook her head, suddenly looking more tired. “Just did that.”

    Medrash gave her a sympathetic smile. “Alright. I’ll check in later.”

    “Hey, Medrash?” Tala kept her gaze on the engravings on SP1K3’s hand. “Could you teach me more about machinas?”

    “I don’t see why not.” Medrash began walking out. “Make sure to get some rest.”

    “You too.” Tala folded her arms as a makeshift pillow and rested her head on SP1K3’s chest, picking up the faint sound of the mage box whirling around inside.

    1. jellyrelic75 Avatar
      jellyrelic75

      i like it. it a little hard for me to read myself, but thats just me. i also like the way it uses two people to tell the story instead of just the narrator telling it. also the use of robot is absolutely amazing and very cool!

      1. Connor A. Avatar
        Connor A.

        Thanks! Since I imagine story scenes in a cinematic sense, it helps to approach the scenes as if they were in a visual media like a show or a movie. I love robots too, which is part of the reason why I wanted to include them in this world.

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Medrash is REALLY getting around, and he’s so good with people! This is a cool slice-of-life story. What is Tala’s reasoning for wanting to learn about machinas? I really like their interaction.

      This is my only critique:

      Why did you have the mage box?” Medrash asked(.)

      I would very much like to get to know more about Tala. I also really love how she nonchalantly admits she stole the mage box. That got an unexpected laugh out of me. I’m really digging this world you got going. Great job, Connor, as always.

      1. Connor A. Avatar
        Connor A.

        Thank you! Tala’s the teen spirit that I didn’t have at her age, so it was fun to write her interacting with a character that’s otherwise pretty calm. Her motivation for learning about machinas is at a crossroads right now, but it’s something I’m thinking about.

        My current goal is to introduce the last two characters in the group in interactions like this and Selene’s. That way, people can see who they are and/or what motivates their actions in a natural way. Here, for example, Tala is a teen that‘s invested in her robot friend’s wellbeing and is pretty introverted otherwise (her response to Medrash’s question near the end is supposed to come off as her being drained).

  21. Joseph Kharms Avatar
    Joseph Kharms

    “The Apocalypse Of Matthew”
    By Joseph Kharms

    It was as if the world was stuck in a permanent nightmare, Matthew felt a sharp pain in his arm.

    -PATIENT NAME: Matthew Artaud

    The now yellow rivers were surrounded by toxic mustard mist… The trees were no longer made of wood, but flesh and bone… The sun was a deep blood red… Under the red rays of the sun, terrible eyeless black horses roam the wasteland…

    -DATE ADMITTED: 4th September 1896

    “Matthew?” I call out desperately to the mirror, my reflection has gone. I continue to shout at the mirror for what feels like hours, but the mirror remains empty. My reflection now only exists in other people’s expression of horror.

    -SYMPTOMS: Patient showing signs of depression and psychosis. It is as if the patient is stuck in a permanent nightmare, when injected.

    I was lucky to find a house. The Wasteland was unforgiving, not many houses still stood. The Twisted wooden house I had made shelter in, was on the brink of collapse. The strong wailing winds made the whole house move and shudder.

    The wind stopped. The Mirror broke. A loud squeaky screech, as if a giant mouse had been maimed in a giant mouse trap, emits from outside. I clutch my ears to block out the sound as it gets louder, the sound makes my teeth chatter. A swarm of grey moths, the source of the noise, smash through the window and flood the house.

    I try to shout above the sound of the moth’s screams.
    If I can hear my own voice I’ll be fine.
    If I can hear my own voice I’ll be fine.
    NO.

    -PRESCRIPTION: Opium

    The apocalypse disappears before my eyes like a drawn curtain, I look down at my arm to see a doctor injecting a syringe into my veins.

    The liquid enters my bloodstream.

    -I am confused
    -What about?
    -What is the injection for?
    -Armageddon.

    The hospital melts away. Nuclear bombs rain down like arrows. Disease burns away the population. Electricity runs through my brain. A fate which will torture the last generation of humanity tortures me; generations before.

    I am the condemned, for who there is but one judgement: opium.

    1. jellyrelic75 Avatar
      jellyrelic75

      this is very creepy. i find it intriguing to hear the way he wants to rid himself form this nightmare and end the suffering, not to mention the way you wrote it to interpret the story as a man just starting to go seriously mental, or insane, if you will.

    2. Connor A. Avatar
      Connor A.

      Such a dark piece. Plot wise, this is really solid; it describes someone’s hallucinations and how the person feels while experiencing them. In terms of technical stuff, I would recommend using quotation marks instead of hyphens. That’s the most noteworthy thing that stuck out to me, at least. Still, excellent job.

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Ooohh, Joeseph. I’ve never heard of the apocalypse of one person. It’s quite interesting and feels like an exorcism combined with psychic visions. It feels incredibly scary and disturbing. Poor Matthew.

      My only critiques are:

      a permanent nightmare(.) Matthew

      I call out desperately to the mirror(;) my reflection has gone.

      permanent nightmare, when injected. (Delete comma)

      Wasteland was unforgiving(.) Not many houses still stood.

      The Twisted wooden house I had made shelter in, was on the brink of collapse. (Delete comma)

      I clutch my ears to block out the sound as it gets louder(;) the sound makes my teeth chatter.

      moth’s (moths’) screams.

      Please don’t take the critiques too harshly. They’re technical things. I really love this, and it put me in a strange headspace. Definitely felt like you traveled back in time. Great story.

      1. Joseph Kharms Avatar
        Joseph Kharms

        Don’t worry about critiquing me! I definitely need the criticism lol.
        I’m glad you enjoyed the story.

  22. The Illness (cross-posted)
    By L. L. Marco

    The academy’s infirmary walls began to shift and warp. A wicked, powerful aura filled the room until it felt like nothing was solid but me and my friend lying comatose on the bed. Inky veins slithered in from the doorframe and encased the room, pulsing against me from my hiding place beneath his bed. Suddenly the room stilled. With that came unbearable silence. My ears rang; I wanted to grab my friend and get out of there but the only exit was the doorway and I could feel the presence of… something. It was too late to run. The Illness was coming to take him just like it had the others and now… it might take me too.

    It lurched in from the hallway. Something that crawled on all fours, something that perhaps had been human once. Its body cracked with each movement and black, aged skin stretched across its bones. There was no fat or muscle. Just dry flesh and skeleton. Nothing more than a corpse. Its face was… haunting. Its jaw hung in a silent scream and empty eye sockets sank into nothingness just above. Even so, I could feel its gaze hungrily searching, lingering over my hiding place before falling upon my friend. The ghoul crept closer; the hideous sound of its joints echoed off the walls. In a few jerky motions it had scuttled on top of him. Its emotionless hollow face looming over his. I knew something bad was happening to the sick students but I never suspected something like this…

    That mouth stretched. A blast of a power I couldn’t comprehend shook the room. My friend… it was hard to see, but the ghoul pressed its dried lips to his forehead and.. He was gone. Not physically, but I felt his life flicker out.

    The creature grabbed his leg and dragged him towards the doorway. It didn’t even glance my way. The sound of its joints were joined by the dead weight of a fresh corpse. I was overjoyed to be alive even as the empty eyes of my friend slid out of view.

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