Writing Group: Anything for a Smile (PRIVATE)

Aw, you sweetheart.

I know why you’re here. You play it off like you’re just trying to find good stuff to write about, but I get it. There are a million-and-one other things you could be doing instead, but you’re here because you care. You’re here because…

This week’s writing group prompt is:

 

Anything for a Smile

 

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

 

 

Don’t be fooled, this week’s prompt is actually a question:

“What would you do for a smile?”

What would you trade to bring someone else joy? What would you give up to find happiness yourself? This is a question of values. How much do we value happiness, and how does it compare to the other things we value? Is there a worthy exchange we can make, one for the other?

An easy way to navigate the prompt this week is to just slot things in for both of the prompt’s keywords: “Anything” = [Something of deep personal value]; “Smile” = [Someone’s happiness]. So, off-hand, we could do “My Career” for “My lover’s happiness”. The final step would be to figure out how one gets in the way of the other. Why is the “anything” at odds with the “smile”? Maybe this is a story about someone who’s picked up a line of work that absorbs all their time and leaves them an exhausted husk of their former self, robbing their lover of the person they once were. Maybe this is a story about someone who has to decide between traveling far away to a place their lover can’t go in order to pursue a career path, and staying by their sides. There are a lot of places to take even this simple substitution. If you can’t think of anything, give it a try!

Of course, you can write more than just tragic sacrifices. It could also be a harebrained scheme to bring someone happiness; a total farce for something extremely simple.

Whatever direction you go, consider one thing…

What will your story do to make us smile?

 

 

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Friday at 7:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit, and get ready to help each other improve their confidence in their writing, as well as their skill with their craft!

 

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least six stories during each stream, three of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
    6. No additional text styling (such as italics or bold text). Do not use asterisks, hyphens, or any other symbol to indicate whether text should be bold, italic, or styled in any other way. CAPS are okay, though.
  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new (no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    6. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    7. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

157 responses to “Writing Group: Anything for a Smile (PRIVATE)”

  1. A Tale of Light
    by Brickosaur

    Ages ago, in other lands, a royal sadness doomed a queendom to darkness. The prince’s magic could make plants grow and water flow. When the family was happy, magical light burst forth, bringing colorful days to all the darkland. But one had not felt joy in seasons, and the queendom was a wilted dusk.

    When nothing could lift the prince’s spirits, the queen put forth a decree: whoever could make her son smile could spend all their days in the underpalace, a noble and hero.

    People came from every corner to lift his spirits. They brought jokes, and creatures, and beautiful things. But still the prince did not smile.

    Then, one knowledge-chaser tapped on the door. They had not heard the decree; they wished only to study the prince and his powers of light. Intrigued, the queen assented, and went to fetch the prince.

    The young man was sullen and guarded when he arrived, so that the knowledge-chaser was moved to ask what vexed him so. It was the first time anyone had asked.

    “The queendom is barren and the people weep for want of food,” lamented the prince. “I wish to go out and use my magic to help them, but I am forbidden to leave. That is why I grieve.”

    The knowledge chaser jumped at the prospect of seeing the prince employ his powers. “A noble desire!” they said. “I can help you fulfill it. We will sneak away, and go to help the people.”

    And so the plan was set. When the guard changed, the pair ran through the underpalace doors and stole away into the night. As they found a farm in need, the prince grew the crops to perfection. They celebrated their success, and the prince broke out in a radiant smile.

    Suddenly, light filled the darklands! The queen found her son and the visitor missing. But the escape had brought color back to the queendom. She let them be.

    And so the prince and the knowledge-chaser became great friends and adventurers, restoring life to their home. And the darklands were light forever after.

  2. Tale Foundry Avatar
    Tale Foundry

    Title: Have One on the House
    Written By: T.S.G. Sager

    “Welcome to 24-Seven! Please let me know if you require any assistance!” Tokuhei announced, as a mother and her child entered the store. His attention was soon brought to his senior supervisor.

    “I gotta say, Dueshi-san. You’re shaping up to be quite the employee. Are you excited about our date tonight?” Takuro cooed.

    “D-D-D-Date?” Tokuhei stammered, flustered by Takuro’s wording. Takuro smirked at his coworker’s flustered face.

    “You don’t remember?” Takuro asked, looking back at the busy mother, then back to Tokuhei. “The Mech Fights?”

    “Mech Fights? You mean the thing that twelve year old mentioned to us? Pretty sure she was just jok-”

    “That twelve year old is Seki Kubo!” Takuro exclaimed, before looking back at the Mother. Her child was filling up a fountain drink. He returned to Tokuhei. “Seki Kubo is the CEO of our company, she wasn’t kidding.” Takuro watched as the Mother approached the counter, “Don’t worry about it, you’ll see what I mean tonight. For now, you have a customer.”

    Confused, Tokuhei nodded suspiciously, then turned to his customer. “Good afternoon, ma’am, did you find everything alright?”

    “Yes, thank you. Just the drink for my son.” She replied with a smile.

    Tokuhei rang up her order, and after handing her the change, he wished her a wonderful day.

    “Come on, son! We’re leaving!” As she called to him, he began to run to his momma, his drink sloshing around in his hands. Tokuhei turned back to Takuro when he heard it.

    “Splash!” Tokuhei turned to see that the boy slid and fell on the linoleum flooring. The mother hurried to her crying son, making sure that he was okay. Tokuhei rushed past her as Takuro went to check up on the boy.

    “Please don’t cry, the important thing is that you are okay. We can always buy another drink.” she reassured him.

    “No need ma’am. This one is on the house. Here you go, buddy!” Tokuhei smiled, handing the boy another beverage.

    “What do you say, son?”

    The child smiled brightly up at Tokuhei. “Thank you, mister!”

    “Anytime! Please. Have yourselves a wonderful day!”

    1. This is adorable, Gatte! I like to think that kid’s day and even year was made by the kindness. It’s a simple and heartwarming interaction. Slice of life things like this moment are some of my favorites, because they show how seemingly mundane stuff can really affect you.

      It’s cool that you had enough words left over to also give us a character interaction and some really intriguing things going on in the world. Excellently done; I hope I get to see more of these guys 🙂

  3. OrigonStory2000 Avatar
    OrigonStory2000

    A Cut and Dry Case
    By OrigonStory2000

    The Public Defender; the hardest job in law a man can ever work. For every one good person who needs our help, you’ll represent a hundred lowlives who don’t deserve it. I’ve seen my share during my thirty years in the business.
    But I’ve never met another man like Jonathan Kavanagh.

    According to his file, on a sunny Wednesday afternoon, twenty-six-year-old Jonathan walked into Briarwood police precinct and calmly admitted to fourteen counts of murder. It was reported he did not resist, and that he was carrying a hacksaw, an empty bag of McDonald, and his clothes were soaked with blood.
    I spoke to Jonathan only once, before his hearing. His confession was all the evidence needed to convict; the trial was only for show. He was already guilty. My job was simply to expedite the verdict. It would be better that way. I just had to keep him quiet.
    During our brief conversation, it felt like talking to a corpse. There was nothing behind those eyes, like the man didn’t even realize he was alive.

    He never reacted. Not when the forensics identified the bodies they found. Not when the charges were laid out. Not even during his moment at the podium, where he laid out ever twisted detail of what he’d done to his victims. When the gavel hit the bench, he never even flinched. Life was too good for him. He got Death.
    That was the end for the “Briarwood Butcher”, as the tabloids nicknamed him, right?
    No.

    I was at the execution. Professional courtesy towards a client, nothing more. They say that when the lethal injection is administered, before the sedative kicks in, it can cause the victim to spasm. But the look on Jonathan’s face wasn’t some simple twitch. When he looked at us, all I could see on his face, was pure joy. A grin, wider than anything you could imagine.
    To this day, I can still see it, as clear as any memory I’ve ever had, and I wonder.
    Had we given that bastard, exactly what he had wanted, all along?

    1. DizzyBackspin Avatar
      DizzyBackspin

      Great piece! I don’t know if you practice law, but this felt exactly like sitting in the bar at the end of a long week and listening to old-timer lawyers swap “war-stories.” I think you convey the professionalism perfectly. You can tell it has been a number of years since the case happened by his semi-detached way of retelling it. This defender obviously has spent a long time coming to terms with the bizarre cases over the years, but there is always that one case that sticks in your mind. Love the take on the prompt.

  4. DesOttsel Avatar
    DesOttsel

    Crushed
    by Gage Jarman

    The man sat in darkness, smiling at a screen. The bright light shone off his oily skin. “Don’t message her again,” he chanted like a mantra. She had recently broken up, and he had confided in her. They had chatted a little, but she wasn’t replying lately. He thought she must be busy with work. Some days he gets worn out too. He scrolled endlessly through the dating app, hoping to find some way, some angle to relieve her stress. He wanted to see her smile. He knew how hard life could be. He just wanted to make her smile. He fell asleep fantasizing about all the ways he could cheer her up.

    The next day, the man started his preparations. He had roughly until 5:30. He knew that’s when she got off work due to some internet sleuthing. He went to the store and bought anything and everything he thought would set the mood. The man parked a few blocks from her small house.. He carried the supplies to the back door and shimmed the lock. The door opened. He walked in cautiously.

    The woman saw lights flickering through the window as she pulled up to her driveway. She grabbed a small shovel from the garden and clutched it close. The door was unlocked. The foyer was filled with the scent of something delicious. Her stomach sank. She walked slowly, barely creeping forward. There were flowers on the table, chocolates, candles burning, a small jewelry box, and a roast cooling on top of the oven.

    “Surprise!” the man jumped up from behind the island.

    The woman jumped.

    The man smiled. “Calm down. It’s just me, Andrew, from the—”

    “What are you doing here?” She took a step back.

    “I thought you could use—”

    “What are you doing here!” The woman screamed.

    “I don’t…”

    “GET OUT!” The woman charged. The man ducked. The shovel struck the island. He scrambled out the house like a fat raccoon.

    The man ran until his chest burned, until he puked. He threw his phone and fell to the ground, grovelling in anguish.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Man, Des! While I sympathize with Andrew in the sense that he has a crush and wants the lady to know it. It’s in his execution that the creep factor descends. Definitely felt uneasy while reading and the lady’s reaction is more than warranted. I was truly conflicted by the end. On the one hand, I pity Andrew because he’s still alone on top of being rejected, but on the other hand, he did get obsessive and break into the poor woman’s home! He never got that smile. Great, eerie piece!

    2. OrigonStory2000 Avatar
      OrigonStory2000

      Nice Work Des. Got some lovely creepy stalker vibes mixed in there. I always love that trope of seeing from the invader’s perspective to make the reader sympathize with them. However, our Heroin certainly doesn’t seem to be without fault either. She goes through a very sudden and recent breakup and also just happens to have a shovel of all things on hand when she returns from work? Seems pretty suspicious to me bro.
      Regardless, good work and a nicely paced, concise read.

      1. DesOttsel Avatar
        DesOttsel

        Oh, I wasn’t even thinking of that. I did say she grabbed it from the garden though, but that’s an interesting interpretation. I could have definitely made her more suspect. Maybe a different story.

    3. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      Dang, that went from sweet to psycho real quick! I have to admit, you had me in the first half lol. In all seriousness, well done! This was a lot of fun to read, and your words carried the tone well, moving from innocent infatuation to obsession seamlessly.

  5. Inky Segno Avatar
    Inky Segno

    Donor Song
    By Inky Segno

        The hospital was rather quiet that night, the only sounds being the soft click-clack of the counter worker’s keyboard and the distant electrical hum of the fluorescent lights. As he made his way down the hall towards the waiting room, the late night snow playing was nothing more than static to him. 

        Ray was in a trance. 

    When you’re told that a surgery to save your mother is only a flip-of-a-coin successful, it sits heavy in your stomach, drags your heart low, and leaves your head an empty mess. While he would have loved to tell them “no way” and find a safer way, this was the last chance. 

    There was only one other person in the waiting area. A young man who looked rather pale and wore a white button up and black pants, his blond hair nearly translucent. 

    “Can I sit here?” Ray asked in a low voice, motioning to the chair beside him. The young man looked up and nodded. Now that he was sitting, he could see the man’s eyes were a worn steel blue. 

    “Are you here for someone?” He asked, attempting to start a conversation.

    “You could say that.” The young man’s voice was nothing more than a whisper. “My lover is in surgery. They told me I was fine to move, and I’d rather be here than in those cramped rooms.”

    “Did you have surgery too?” Though it might have been rude to ask, he received a nod.

    “I donated a part of me, to save them.” The young man didn’t look phased or in any pain, simply leaning back in his chair and staring at nothing in particular. He looked…content. 

    “What part?”

    The man looked to him, his eyes like the sky on a clear day. “My heart.”

    Ray stared at him for a moment, until it finally registered in his hazy mind. “You’re…that’s certainly a hefty sacrifice.”

    The young man closed his eyes and chuckled under his breath. His expression looked as one that was in a dream far from here. 

    “I wanted to see her smile again.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Inky bringing the sadness and hopefulness in one blow! This is so beautiful! What a wonderful way to meet your mom’s significant other! This is very quiet and peaceful while also being so heavy and intense. I adore the blend that you have. Totally in tears!

      This is my only critique, and it is miniscule:

      As he made his way down the hall towards the waiting room, the late night snow (show) playing was nothing more than static to him.

      I’m so happy to see a story from you again. This is magnificent and heartbreaking and beautiful. I hope the surgery is a success! Excellent!

    2. Oof, that’s super heavy, dude. The idea of giving everything to someone, just to see them smile, is really touching. I do have a suggestion, though kind of minor. While the first part does a great job setting the scene and the tone of the story, talking about Ray’s predicament, I feel it would be interesting to highlight a decision of a sacrifice on Ray’s part as well. If, say, Ray was contemplating giving away his life savings for just a slim chance of saving his mother, then the story of the young man’s sacrifice could help him reach a decision. Still, this piece is fantastic the way it is. The way you’ve balanced sadness with hope is amazing, and I’d love to see more of this. Amazing work!

    3. Tale Foundry Avatar
      Tale Foundry

      I absolutely felt the pain in this piece, Inky. Having been in a similar place as both characters, with a loved one in the emergency care, this piece reminded me of my situation many years ago. You really set the scene, with delicious descriptions like “electric hum” or “fluorescent lights”, I felt like I was right there in the hospital with them. I don’t actually have any critiques for you, I personally wouldn’t change a thing.

      Also, dig the cliffhanger at the end, would like to know what happens next!

  6. The Assassin Avatar
    The Assassin

    Dancing in the Blue
    By TheAssassin

    So distant.

    Her form a shadowy wisp dancing across a veil of blue glass. I call, but no words form. I wave, but no motion comes. Isolated. Distant. Her faint form flickers and I worry. Worry that she will become as the others and fade.

    Fade…

    Fade into the white world beyond, glowing with its silver sheen. If only I could fade with her. If only I could cross this ocean of glass. Maybe then I could join her and join them. If only…

    But I am alone in my prison of glass. All things revealed to me, yet none allowed for me to touch. Alone. I feel caught beneath the ice of a frozen river, able to see the world beyond, but not able to stay with it – Caught in the ever-moving tide.

    It all fades eventually. Only she now lingers, dancing in the blue. Where once tarried many, one now remains. Why? Why does she torment me so? Dancing, dancing in the blue. Soon the white city will call. Soon she will leave and fade. Soon I will be alone. Truly alone.

    I can no longer remember who I was before the glass… before the blue. I no longer remember those who lingered here, and I no longer remember her. I see only her shadowy form, her long dress flowing, dancing, dancing in the blue.

    I sense the white world calling her, the distant city radiating silver light. But here she stays across my prison dancing in this deep blue. For so long have I watched, observing as all things fade. And what have I done?

    Nothing.

    What can one do in this deep glassy blue, alone, and isolated from all things?

    What can one do?

    What can one do… except…?

    Except dance, dance in this deep blue.

    Dance with her; Dance with them; Dance with us; Dance in this deep glassy blue.
    She flickers and fades, claimed by the white world, but I dance. I dance. I dance for her. I dance for her in the blue. And I fade

    Fade…

    Fade in the deep glassy blue.

    1. DesOttsel Avatar
      DesOttsel

      Maybe it’s just late, but I’m lost. I think you spent too much time trying to be esoteric because I’m more confused than I am curious. I think it’s some metaphor about walling yourself off from the world and having someone force you out but not completely since they’re still in the blue. That’s my best guess anyways. It would be nice if it was a little more balanced between the visuals and what they represent unless it is just isolation and the rest of the world, but that’s still a little fuzzy for me anyways.

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Assassin, this is scary on one level because of the isolation and the barrier of glass between the narrator and the woman he’s longing for. However, it does get a little bit confusing as to what’s actually happening here. Is this the story of willful isolation, or is it about a larger group or entity keeping this person away from their desires? It feels like both and neither at the same time, to me. you’ve got some nice imagery going, but I believe the story would have benefited a lot better from different word choices and more explanation as to what’s actually happening. It does bring about a sense of peace within the sadness, however. And the visuals are quite nice. It’s also very tragic that by the end, the narrator fades as well. Nice story.

      1. The Assassin Avatar
        The Assassin

        I suppose this was a kind of failed experiment. I wanted to try and tell something almost completely abstract and metaphorical with strong imagery and no concrete actions/things. I understand why this approach wasn’t great, but it was interesting enough for me to try. I expected confusion, as I myself struggle to put into normal words what it means. I guess its someone who feels trapped and unable to do anything to the world around them. It’s not of their own volition, but it’s not of another either. It simply is. They can’t really change things or do things on their own. It’s weird, but it’s what I had in mind. The dancing woman is supposed to be the one that tries to break him free and bring a smile to him. Anyway, I’m not so sure I will do something like this in the future, it’s very outside of my comfort zone being as abstract as it is. It was fun to write anyway. 🙂

        1. DesOttsel Avatar
          DesOttsel

          Generally, if I’m doing something more unconventional or artsy, I try to have the rest of the elements a little more obvious than I normally would because in a sea of imaginative prose, it’s easy to get swept away without something to anchor the writer to what the meaning behind the text is.

    3. OrigonStory2000 Avatar
      OrigonStory2000

      This was certainly a ballsy experiment to try and pull on in such a constrained wordcount Assassin. Framing the idea of longing from afar, especially through a solid but transparent medium like glass, is a great idea, and with the medium being tinted that could be a cleverly subtle way of indicating bias or distortion of reality. Plus, though I feel like it almost goes without saying, the actual aesthetics of your writing is gorgeous.
      Only critique I could offer is in regard to the framing of the two spaces of light and blue. Beyond the main characters’ desire to enter the blue for his dream woman, the two spaces lacking any other characteristics besides their colours, which seems to undermine the central concept of sacrifice or struggle that lies at the heart of the prompt. If the blue was characterized as dangerous or unknown, but it held his love, while the light is safe but loveless and sterile, then I think it could help reinforce the conflict better. However, considering the constraints we’re working under, it was a really admirable piece of work.

  7. JosieDearly Avatar
    JosieDearly

    How To Cheer Up A Demigoddess
    by JosieDearly

    So, Nyraniel knew how smiling works. You use the muscles in your face to make the corners of your lips curve upwards.

    But how do you make someone else smile?

    They thought long and hard about this predicament, sneaking several three-eyed glances at the girl with the comb jelly skin. Mirana was staring at her reflection so forlornly, and they knew she must still be wishing for her former goddess status back. Really, they couldn’t stand seeing her like this, so they did something about it.

    First, Nyraniel tried to make something for her. Their god-of-art friend helped with the painting they produced, but when they showed it to her, an abstract representation of her beauty… She didn’t get it. She had no idea it was even supposed to be her.

    Next, after talking with a godfriend of a godfriend, Nyraniel tried their hand at cooking. Now that she was a demigoddess, she needed to eat mortal food, so surely this had to work… It tasted weird and terrible. She actually fell sick from it, and Nyraniel had to take care of her.

    While she was recovering, Nyraniel sighed, holding a wet cloth to her head as they continued to think. How else could they make her smile? Laughter? Perhaps they could do something funny, or, no, maybe they could do a funny play—

    “Nyraniel…?”

    They jumped, so shaken out of their thoughts that they shot up and slammed into the branch of a tree, before slowly fluttering back down, their three eyes tearing up from the pain.

    But through the bleariness, they saw it.

    She was laughing. She’s smiling!

    “Are you alright…?” she asked softly, barely holding back a giggle.

    Nyraniel smiled back, internally congratulating themself as they patted her head, despite the light throbbing in their own.

    “Yes, yes, I am now… ah, are you?”

    Mirana nodded, just a little.

    “Yes… I feel a little better.”

    “A little better is better than not at all,” Nyraniel replied with a grin.

    This was indeed better already. It won’t last long, but it’ll last long enough.

    1. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      Aaaaaaaaaa, this is so adorable. It’s funny to think about these divine beings being so mundane but you really di a great job at that. I’m very curious about this world here and how these beings gain and lose status as divine beings. How does one fall from a god to a demigod? Oh man, I have so many questions but, at the same time, I just want to bask in the adorableness that is Nyraniel and Mirana. Excellent story. Very well done, Josie.

    2. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      I appreciate how this character is helping them while not being an explicit romantic interest. I also love the “god who has no clue how mortals work” trope and that even though often his attempts to cheer her up are ill fated, she still appreciates him and still gets to smile. It seems she is going through a bit of a traumatic period after something lead to her fall, and I am quite interested as to what may have lead that way.

      1. JosieDearly Avatar
        JosieDearly

        Yes, I was really hoping that their relationship was read as platonic instead of romantic, since I see them having way more of a friendship than a romance. The new form is definitely something that requires adjustment on her end, and I hope I get to talk about it in more detail later on.

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Awwww! Josie, what a touching, sweet story! It’s so wonderful to see Nyraniel doing his best to help a friend smile, even if a few of their attempts fail. It’s great Mirana smiles-and even laughs!- by the end. A very sweet, warm story.

    4. revisis Avatar
      revisis

      Awwww this one is super adorable! Sometimes showing ur friends that you care enough to help is enough reason for them to feel better!

      I love how Mirana doesnt fault Nyraniel for her current condition of food poisioning, but appreaciated the godesses attempts to cheer her up.

      (and i really wanna know now how a godess gets demoted!)

      Also that intro with Nyraniel thinking about how smiling works for themself is hilarious!

      Great story josie!

  8. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    Smiles Come and Go
    By Jesse Fisher

    “If not for this heathen being truly a corruptor he would have died long ago.” The head priest Goraidh thought as he watched the battle below him.

    The wolf’s bladed phalanges did make the sword strikes of Griorgair useless even with the fact that the Wyriffion was far stronger. Goraidh had wanted to hold a contest to see who would sire the next generation of ‘gods’.

    Grangal was the last of the previous generation and the only female, thus Goraidh’s family groomed the young deity for hundreds of years to this point that she would be ready for her selected purpose to become a mother goddess of the next generation. A small smile creeped onto his beak as he wanted it to be a test of how long one to go but that might tip his hand, a ritual to secure him being the first to take her.

    The smile faded as he looked down again, Griorgair was using the larger swords for support as the wolf just shot his own smile. Oh how the priest’s blood boiled seeing the smirk on the one who took his prize again, how screams of pleasure and pain meant for him were wasted on such a vile being.

    Then the arena floor shook as it began to fall in on itself, as if gravity increased in a domino effect radiation outward. Goraidh wanted to hiss at his underlings for pulling it soon, his feline side was wanting to tear each of them to shreds for doing it too soon.

    The wolf was quick to jump onto the walls as Griorgair took to the air, unfortunately Graeme was not recovered before he fell into a bubbling lava pit revealed from the ground shaking.

    Grangal shot Goraidh a shocked look as she did not know of this feature of the arena, while many in the crowd just took it as the wolf using some dark magic to do this and kill Graeme.

    The wolf had his own..

    “I was just going to beat you to within an inch of your life, now it’s fried chicken.”

    1. JosieDearly Avatar
      JosieDearly

      If I understood this correctly, this is meant to be a kind of gladiatorial fight between Griogair and this wolf (Graeme?), and Griogair is fighting for the hand and marriage of Grangal, with whom he would help produce the next line of “gods”, as Goraidh refers to them. But Goraidh was trying to rig the fight in his favor so he could keep Grangal, and the trap was his own making to screw Griorgair out of the fight, but it failed and took the wolf instead?

      I’m clarifying because it was a little easy for me to get lost in the scene, I needed to read it over a few times as there were some long-winded sentences that confused me, but I was able to hopefully understand the scene.

      As for relevance to the prompt, I can… sort of pull the threads together, but it makes sense the more I think about it. Goraidh is willing to do anything, including rigging the match, in order to win his own happy ending with Grangal, but in this case it doesn’t work, and Griogair essentially stole his happiness away. Hence why his smile came and went as the match went on.

      I think other than the few clauses that were longer than is comfortable, and maybe the last line needing a bit of thinking to make sense, this work basically grew on me as I wrote this review. I like it, good job slowly convincing me! XDDD

      1. jesse fisher Avatar
        jesse fisher

        I thank you for the review, and nope wolf is Demon, I just did not use his name as Goraidh does not know or care. A thing that I’ve been doing is every story(except the write a better future) since Ye Shall Be As Gods prompt all my stories have been connected.

        Here we have a different POV from our three Main Characters while adding to the story as a whole.

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I like this gladiator style fighting, Toacoy. It’s really fun to see this last generational deity have a rumble and enjoy it. The last line definitely got a laugh out of me. Very nicely done.

      1. jesse fisher Avatar
        jesse fisher

        I thank ya

    3. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      I have to admit I found the premise interesting, and enjoy the idea, but I had to read it about four or five times to fully grasp who was who. Is there a lore reason why the names all start with a G? I have to admit it made it pretty hard to keep track of everyone, especially since three out of four of them also had an r as the second letter in their names. I only realized there was more than three characters after the third read, and did not realize the wolf was unnamed until I read the comments.

      And a question: is there a typo in “A small smile creeped onto his beak as he wanted it to be a test of how long one to go but that might tip his hand” ? because I could not figure out the phrasing.

      I feel like there is a much larger story at play, and the word limit constrained you a bit in the telling. That being said, I would love to know more about what is happening and who everyone is, and what their stakes in this are. I hope we get to see more short stories in this intriguing world of yours.

      1. jesse fisher Avatar
        jesse fisher

        nay I get ya, if you aren’t there for the back up reading on saturdays the larger story is scattered to the past prompts. It is due to people having interest in this that I just made a fictionpress account and putting all the connected stories there so I can link it to others. As always while the are connected I try and keep them independent.

  9. Amy Trow Avatar
    Amy Trow

    Expectations
    By minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

    It had been a solid week

    And she still had no new powers.

    Daisy paced around her pocket dimension, trying to rehearse in her mind. How was she going to explain this to Marshal?

    She flopped down onto the carpet in frustration. Why was she getting so stressed about this? Usually when it comes to talking to Marshie, everything was just so easy! They could talk for hours and hours and never grow tired of each other.

    What made now different?

    Well…

    Failure.

    He’d been so supportive when she mentioned her magic. She’d been so scared, and he’d delivered a speech that rivaled HER in open mindedness. How could she just… not have anything to show for it?

    She’d tried everything to get something new to happen. She couldn’t get it to move out, she couldn’t get it to go anywhere, and she just couldn’t get it to do anything new! She tried as hard as she could to make a change… but nothing happened.

    She couldn’t do what he asked.

    She couldn’t fulfill his mission for her.

    She failed.

    What was he going to think?

    Well, no use in delaying the inevitable.

    She summoned up a portal and hopped through, landing in Marshal’s living room. It took a little bit of exploring to find him, but she eventually heard his voice behind his bedroom door.

    “Marshal, I’m He-”

    “Woah, Wait, Daisy-”

    She stepped into the room and tripped on something he’d set up. She fell into the structure with a crash and a crunch. The whole thing came apart around her, pieces cracking and supports crumbling. There she was again, at the center of a gigantic mess.

    She panicked. She’d ruined everything. She’d failed again. He’d never want-

    But Marshal laughed.

    The corners of his mouth curled into an awkward smile.

    She’d bowled into his life, screwed up everything… but he just smiled.

    She let out a laugh herself, taking Marshal’s hand when he offered it.

    Maybe she didn’t need to worry about failing with him.

    Even if she messed up often…

    She won his heart every time.

    1. DizzyBackspin Avatar
      DizzyBackspin

      I love this take on the prompt. Daisy clearly has found the right person. It is sweetly satisfying to watch her desperately try to please him, only to realize in the end that she doesn’t need to. Very wholesome in an unexpected way (from her perspective). Really touches on the them of unconditional love. You have this great bit of mystery in the piece where we don’t know what the “IT” is that she’s trying to move/manipulate. Ultimately, we don’t really need to know what “IT” is because “IT” isn’t the purpose of the story. Great job!

    2. JosieDearly Avatar
      JosieDearly

      Awwww, this is way too cute and adorable. I agree with Dizzy, Daisy has truly found a great partner. It’s really a relatable but unfortunate experience to feel this kind of anxiety for your partner, I unfortunately feel this way sometimes too, but it’s really lovely to have someone that’s willing to stay with you and make you smile.

    3. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      Nice sequel there froggy. I really like how cute this was. I like this inversion of serious Daisy with laughing Marshal, it really fleshes out their relationship. Also, Marshie is a really cute pet name and really increases our investment in their bond. I also like this take on the prompt. Sometimes it is the things we didn’t mean to do that help others smile.

    4. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      Awww. Daisy and Marshall are so adorable. I love how even Daisy can feel self-conscious about trying to please Marshall, only to find it doesn’t matter, and he accepts her just the way she is. The inversion of their typical attitudes seems very natural in this story. I loved it.

    5. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Oh, my, Ancients! Froggy! This is too divine! I love how you’re slowly adding nuances to Daisy’s character the more we get to see her with Marshal. I am absolutely loving her character growth and Marshal’s! It’s wonderful!

      This is my only critique:

      It had been a solid week(.)

      It’s amazing that Daisy can be herself, however disasters that can be sometimes, and it’s fantastic that Marshal is actually coming out of his shell. And, I’m not sure if this is intentional, but there’s always a lesson in your stories. Maybe it’s because I have a child of my own, but I absolutely love a lot of these morality and friendship lessons. Your stories are some of my favorites, and your writing is always such a treat! Brava, Ms. Froggy.

  10. Aaron Fleming Avatar
    Aaron Fleming

    “The Toymaker and the Smile”

    By Aaron Fleming

    The toymaker Anton LeMarchant pushed away the small android figure in frustration. It’s A.I. was supposed to be friendly with a playful demeanor. It sat there expressionless as an old-fashioned plastic baby doll. What was he doing wrong? What had he overlooked in its design or programming?

    “Maybe I just need a break from all this,” he muttered to himself. “I’ve been at this in near isolation for weeks on end. First, I should get in touch with the outside world.” Anton touched the holographic glass wall before him and navigated to check his messages. One hundred and forty messages the screen showed. He sighed and began to go through the messages and deleted various junk mail as he went.

    As he parsed through the messages something caught his eye. The message title read “We are sorry for your loss.” He activated it and saw the body of the message which read, “We are sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your wife. We send our condolences.” Anton stopped reading the message. This had to be a mistake. His heart raced as he scrolled down the list of messages, one condolence after another. Finally, among the older messages he found one from his brother. He activated it and began reading.

    “I know you’re away working on your current project, but I have some bad news. There’s been an accident involving your wife Anne. The doctors tried to save her, but there was little they could do due to her injuries. I’m so sorry Anton.”

    Anton felt the blood drain from his face as he leaned on his chair for support. Anne was dead? In the bluish light cast by his workstation he looked up and saw the android doll on which he had worked so hard. It was reacting to his emotional response. It was smiling.

    1. Amy Trow Avatar
      Amy Trow

      Spoooooooookyyyyyyy! I love it! What a sad yet ominous story! What a punch in the gut to have someone you love die while you’re working in isolation. Let’s hope the last things he said to her were nice. Also, let’s hope this doll never sees the outside world! I don’t think this guy would want something as potentially evil as this little creation to cause havock with kids.

    2. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Oh gosh, that is creepy. The idea that the AI smiled at the toymaker’s misfortune seems to be a portent as to what is to come. Okay, onto the story as a whole. It’s a very sad story. It makes me wonder if the doll smiling was to comfort the toymaker. I think that it could have been clearer. However, the heartbreak in this story is tangible. I look forward to reading more from you, Aaron.

    3. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      I don’t know if the story was supposed to be so creepy, but it certainly did seem so to me. This poor man working so hard to make this toy work just to learn he failed and then to learn his wife died is devastating enough. To have that doll smile at the end as if it had a hand in the wife’s death was very spooky. Good job if that was the intent! A very unique approach to this prompt, good job. 🙂

    4. Inky Segno Avatar
      Inky Segno

      Wow, it’s hard to think of something to say about this. It certainly has a “spooky” vibe to it, I also feel like the doll connected well with all the messages that were sent to him. Those people who sent the messages are kind of like the doll in a way, they truly won’t know what Anton is going through and they will smile regardless.

      Definitely a very well spun story, I love it.

  11. King_Nix Avatar
    King_Nix

    “Soothing the Dragon”
    By King_Nix

    Minerva stood silently outside her husband’s study. It had been hours since he chased his officers from the room, brandishing his cane, and locking himself within. She placed her ear to the door.

    “Why?” she heard him speaking to himself. “Why would he do this? He must have some cause – no. We did this. We told him to raid the Spaniards. God!” He ranted on and on, as he too often did. “We were no better in our time, why do we lament this, Arthur? Because we are supposed to redeem ourself, not persist in this hated cycle!”

    Arthur. Minerva had met him once, long before he was king, before the sword, before the memories of dead men wracked his mind. Back then, she pitied him, that poor unrepentant vagabond; now, she worried for him. She knocked gently on the door.

    “Arthur.” she said. “Let me in.”

    The ranting ceased. For a long moment, there was silence. Then, the locks on the door clicked before the door opened. Before her stood a man, clothes askew, his hair thrown about. One teary, brown eye looked back at her, and next to it was a socket covered over in scarred tissue.

    “We-” Arthur began, “I will not deny you entry.” He seemed to be forcing the words out. Minerva entered. “The news my officers gave-”

    “Sit down.” Minerva said, cutting him short. She did not want to know, not now. Arthur sat down. “And where is your eyepatch?”

    “Our eyes are fine.” he answered, almost sulking. Men. Even if he weren’t half mad, Minerva figured he would say the same thing.

    “So they are.” she said. She approached him, and laid her hands on his chest. His heart began to calm down, his breathing came less raggedly. “You’ve gone and ruined this shirt.” She began unbuttoning it. “I’ll have it sent to the tailor, later.” The shirt gone, Minerva saw the marks the fool had gotten himself.

    She embraced her husband in a tight hug. He sobbed into her breast; he needed to cry. She needed to see him smile again.

    1. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      This was a nice wholesome story. While Arthur’s rambling comes off a bit unnatural, it does let us know that he’s very anxious. He reminds me of an amalgamation of Arthur Pendragon, Legion, and Odin. I really liked Minerva’s calmness and being able to take the weirdness in stride. Awesome work, Nix!

    2. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      This is really touching Nix. In so few words you described a soul-deep love and loyalty in this couple. The willingness to go through the hard times, confide their sorrows and pain, and stay open to each other. Minerva takes the main spotlight in this, but Arthur displays it too in his willingness to let her in rather than shut her out. I can empathize with them despite not fully understanding their plight, and it made me yearn to give them aid. Bravo! I would love to read more.

  12. “Old Stories”
    By Derek McEldowney (Deviacon)

    “Haven’t you ever heard of the smiling man?” Tony asked, leading the group as the sun set behind us.

    “Just that it’s an old urban legend around these parts.” Lars replied.

    “My parents told me the story. Just another boogeyman to scare kids.” Sam quipped.

    “Man, why do we have to hike through this old forest just to tell scary stories anyway?” Lars asked.

    “It’s tradition, remember? All our parents did it, even if they refuse to admit it.” Tony said.

    “So… why do they call him the smiling man anyway?” Lars asked with apprehension.

    “Cause he’s always smiling with a grin wider than his face.” Tony said dramatically.

    “No dude, you’ve got it all wrong,” I finally piped up, “the story is actually based on some strange deaths that happened in these woods.” My pace quickened.

    “Yeah, yeah the smiling man taking kids away and people finding their lifeless bodies with permanent smiles.” Sam continued.

    “No dude, they weren’t kids. There are records. It was about a dozen adults within a few weeks of each other in September 1923. No cause of death ever found.” I pulled ahead of the group.

    “A-and the smiles?” Lars stuttered.

    “Yeah, all their faces were stretched and deformed into these huge smiles.”

    “Man, Jack, why’d you have to go and make this so real?” Tony asked.

    “Old stories fascinate me, I just thought you guys would want to know how it started.” Everyone went quiet. The crunch of foliage beneath their footsteps still trailed behind me.

    “C’mon guys don’t be like that. It’s creepier when no one’s talking.”

    Still everyone was quiet. And then I realized there was only one set of footsteps behind me. “C’mon that’s not funny guys.” I turned around and only saw the forest bathed in dusk. No one was there. I tried to steady my breath and listen. There was only the gentle rustle of the forest canopy.

    A chilled breath ran down the back of my neck. The voice was like a foggy night’s breeze hissing through rattling autumn leaves, drawn into a long raspy word.

    “Smile…”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Deviacon! Bringing the chills! Heck, yes! I really love the picture you paint. You can see and hear everything, and I love how Tony’s smug sense of superiority fades as he realizes all his friends are gone.

      This is my critique:

      people finding their lifeless body’s (bodies) with permanent smiles.

      But what happened to his friends? Did they all vanish? Were they taken? Were they even there to begin with? I need answers, man! Great job!

      1. Ah those simple little spelling mistakes. I’ll fix it.

        I did want to imply that all the friends were taken when he wasn’t looking once he stepped ahead of everyone. I had to fight the urge to make it the middle of the night because I wanted there to still be enough light out to imply it was impossible for his friends to just be hiding from him.

    2. Lari B. Haven Avatar
      Lari B. Haven

      Oh, I reaaaaaly love small town legends with kids. Even though you know something will go wrong soon. It always keeps me on my toes. I liked the ambiance of it a lot and how it pays off in the end. I sure feels like something I would read on my childhood and be scared for days. Good Job Deviacon!

      1. That is exactly what I was going for! I’m glad you liked it.

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      What a wonderfully creepy story. Initially, I thought this was more of a Glasgow smile situation, but dying with a smile on your face is a lot more disturbing. It makes me want to know more about this malevolent force. The scary stories also were a great way to focus the reader’s attention to something supernatural rather than a mundane event. Nice job.

    4. William Maitland Avatar
      William Maitland

      A sinister take on the prompt, but a welcome one! I love how it slow-builds to the dawning horror, by starting with the idle conjecture of friends. The “picking people off one by one” trope of horror fiction might be used and abused by slasher films, but there’s good reason for that: it works! Big kudos for keeping him more or less a mystery, between the conversations and the actual records. The truth only dawns on Jack in that last moment we see him. Stellar job!

    5. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      Oh, man, this is interesting. First the kids use the perceived tradition as a cause to do something stupid, which is quite interesting. I really think the moral of the story is “don’t poke the supernatural bear”. Telling a story about a mysterious death while walking in the place where it happened almost never works out well in fiction. Though it seems no one will be alive to learn this lesson. Good stuff!

    6. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      I really enjoyed this unsettling take on the prompt. I thought you did a great job capturing the banter of younger people and you accomplished a great feat with the way you built the atmosphere from friendly banter to fear. Great job on those parts! My only criticism is your overuse of dialogue tags. It seems you use them every time, and while it’s not the end of the world it can make the read a little monotonous. Otherwise, great story 🙂 *smiling*

    7. Inky Segno Avatar
      Inky Segno

      Okay, this was certainly a different way to take the prompt and I absolutely love it. It was already interesting because no one knows *all* the facts about the killer. It makes the person seem even more mysterious.
      And I loved the way you tied the killer to the prompt, as he’ll do anything for a smile, even murder people.
      This was beautifully eerie and I love it. Amazing job!

  13. MasaCur Avatar
    MasaCur

    Lifted Spirits
    By MasaCur

    Machiko sat down on the stairs, struggling to stay awake. Her mom had to go back to the hospital after an incident the previous night, and Machiko couldn’t sleep. She thought very hard about not going to school today, but decided against it. If she stayed home, she’d be alone with her worries At least at school, she had something to distract her.

    She pulled out a phone and saw that she had a voice mail. It was the hospital calling her back. Her mom was in stable condition, and was briefly conscious and coherent. Machiko hung up as she got the news, and the relief brought her to tears. Even still, as she cried, she wondered how many times she could keep going through with this.

    “Hey, are you okay, Machi?”

    Machiko quickly wiped her eyes and looked up. Kiyotaka Yone, the gangly first-year member of the Occult Club, was walking toward her.

    Machiko quickly wiped her eyes again. . “Yeah. No, not really.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, I’m not good company right now.”

    “Did you want to talk?”

    “Not really, no.”

    Yone rubbed his chin. “Well, that sucks. Senmatsu-chan thinks there’s a spirit roaming upstairs. She wanted to know if you wanted to help us hunt it, but I didn’t think we had a ghost of a chance convincing you.”

    Machiko stopped wiping her eyes and looked at Yone incredulously. “Did…did you really?”

    “Sorry, I just hoped I could help lighten your spirits.”

    “I’m not really in the mood for…you did it again, didn’t you?”

    Yone snickered. “I mean, if you don’t want to talk about it, the best I can do is tell dumb jokes.”

    “I don’t have a choice, do I?” Machiko sighed.

    “Sure you do. I just wouldn’t want you to tell me to stop, and then get haunted with regret.”

    Machiko groaned. “These are dumb. Like, really dumb.”

    “But you’re not crying anymore.”

    The corners of Machiko’s lips curled up into a slight smile. “They’re still bad. It’s a good thing you’re cute.”

    Yone froze. “Wait, what?”

    Machiko’s smile grew. “Nothing.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is a very bittersweet piece, Masa. I love how Yone tries so hard to help Machiko feel better. I sincerely hope her mother gets better, or if not, I hope Machiko can find some way to heal from it. The puns are also great. Love this!

    2. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Masa, this is adorable. From all the lame ghost puns to the absent-minded admission of a crush, everything about this piece set up a story that I could read over and over again. I don’t think that I have a single nitpick for this piece. It’s really good. I hope there’s a follow-up piece about going after that spirit.

    3. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      Oh no he hot. I love how by being cute Yone helps Machiko take a break from her emotional roller coaster and just having a moment. I think she needs the break too. I also love how causally you reference the supernatural(the ghosts) and just how normalized it is. Maybe it’s not real, but you make it feel like they hunt ghosts every other week. Good job!

    4. Been a minute since I reviewed one of your stories. Let’s break that silence!

      As a connoisseur of terrible puns, I wholeheartedly approve Yone’s approach here. It’s great to see a rather serious situation juxtaposed with lighthearted joking and banter — and a little flirting, to boot! The pacing here is perfect, and the scene flows very nicely from setup to a button that wraps it up nicely.

      Overall, just a solid piece that was fun to read. Woop!

  14. The Deal
    By L. L. Marco

    Wind gushed through the open doorway. Charlie entered, eyes alert and fierce. Shadows danced around each corner, barely kept at bay by weak candlelight. The darkness didn’t scare her; no, there was one thing that Charlie feared and it had already happened. She was here to rectify that.

    “Back so soon?” A lanky woman appeared with a smile flickering across her lips.

    Charlie stood completely still as the mage approached her. Dalores raised a small candelabra and cast light over Charlie’s unflinching form. Crimson painted Charlie’s clothes; it was splattered in all directions, so fresh that it still dripped.

    “Made a bit of a mess. It looks like you enjoyed yourself.”

    Charlie clenched her fists. Nothing about this was enjoyable. It was simply what she had to do and this witch knew that. Charlie had vowed never to kill again when she met Claira, but now…

    “We have an agreement. Let me see her.”

    The woman nodded. Footsteps echoed through the chamber as Dalores led her to a metal door, humming some kind of enchantment over it. Thunk! The sound of the lock rang out as the door opened. She couldn’t hold back; Charlie pushed past the woman, her eyes desperately searching for the form of the woman she loved.

    A dirty bed lay on the far end of the room. And on it was Claira, sitting perfectly still. That felt wrong. She’d always been so lively… Shaky feet carried Charlie to her wife. Claira was… empty. Blank eyes shimmered vacantly in the candle light; to anyone else, she might have been mistaken for a doll. Charlie’s bloody hand reached out and gently, fearfully cupped Claira’s face.

    Warm. Her skin was warm and soft, unlike how it had been the last time she’d seen her. Tears fell from Charlie’s cheeks as she embraced her wife. The only response was a hollow, emotionless smile, but Charlie didn’t care. She was physically alive. And she would do anything to see that smile genuine once more. Charlie, stained in blood and holding the empty shell of her lover, wept.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I really love that Charlie is, or rather was, a killer in some capacity before this went down. It’s amazing that she’s willing to kill for her wife, but I do hate that she had to go to such a dark place to get her back.I also really love that the antagonist is a woman because we don’t see too many women antagonists nowadays, and that’s sad. So, thank you very much for that.

      All I hope is that Charlie is able to get Claira back in full capacity, or at least partly back to the way she was. I’m quite intrigued to see where this is going to go, and I would love to know more about Dalores. Awesome installment, Marco!

    2. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Wow. L.L., this is the first time I’ve read your writing, and what an introduction it is. To go back on a vow is a powerful thing in a story. Not to mention this is a hollow victory. I was a little confused about Claira’s status at the end. Is she alive? Is this a Fetch of her? Anyway, good job. Nice to have you in the private group.

    3. Tale Foundry Avatar
      Tale Foundry

      I gotta say, it was really impressive to see you squeeze in a backstory aong with the main story within the 350 word restrictions. Very good job, L.L. Marco!
      As for the story, I felt so bad for Charlie, I could not imagine the hell she must be going through with gazing upon the comatose(?) body of her wife. Very powerful!
      The antagonist is just downright nasty, forcing Charlie to go back to being a ‘contracted killer’ with the contract seeming to be the wellbeing of her loved one. So nasty!

      Love this Marco, I’m glad this was the first piece of yours that I got the pleasure to read! I hope to see more from this! :O

  15. Gregory Hess Avatar
    Gregory Hess

    “A loving memory”[Aleph null sci fi]
    By gregovin

    She’s dead… She’s actually dead…

    What happens now? Am I… crying? This sucks…

    AAAAAAAAAAA…AAAAAAAAAA

    Someone is talking to me. She was… killed in an accident at the construction site. A rope snapped and… and… and she was… crushed.

    They’re still here. What is up. Why won’t they let me cry?

    They say “she left something for you.”

    A package.

    On the table.

    Wrapped in her standard over saturated wrapping paper.

    On it, a note. “Keep this loving memory if you want to”

    A love-loving memory?

    I open the box.

    A hologram AI disk is the only thing in it.

    I take it home. I load it up. A hologram of her shows up.

    A robotic voice echoes from the projector. “Hello my friend. I’m here to give you a smile and help you move on. Do what you need to be more OK. It wasn’t your fault. You got this”

    Sh-she left me a message? I cry more.

    She continues talking in the robotic voice “Cry as much as you need.”

    This hologram can respond? Is it an AI approximate? “she bought an approximate… for me?”
    The tears fell faster.

    The robotic voice continues “Anything for a smile, right?”

    “Anything for a smile.”

    I wiped the tears of my cheeks, but more soon replaced them.

    I… don’t know if I can keep this. It’s painful, but also… somehow comforting?

    My tears dry off. Anything for a smile, huh.

    I look up. Our picture on the wall. We’re smiling, in front of the Eiffel tower.

    I think I’ll be hanging onto this disk for a while.

    1. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Greg, I always like that whenever I read your stories I have questions that would lead to excellent discussions. Can an AI give us the same comfort as a human being? If so, what does that say about us? A bit of a nitpick: you used a lot of ellipses in this piece. It was a bit distracting. Other than that, good job.

    2. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      Greg, why you are making me feel? I don’t want to feel right now, why do you want me to feel. I almost cried mostly from personal reasons, but it also makes me wish this was a thing in our world cause that might help people move on.

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is a very sad piece, Greg. I like that even though she’s gone, she can give Lily some kind of peace in an unexpected way. A. I.s do not make up for organic life, but it’s very sweet that she left this behind for Lily do you have a piece to remember her by. Other than a few punctuation nitpicks, the story is pretty good. Nice work.

    4. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      Dang it Greg, I am actually holding back tears right now! Very visceral expression of emotion. The format was a little hard for me to take seriously at first, but I think that is more of a personal preference than anything. This was beautifully sweet, and heartbreaking all at once. I always wondered what I could leave behind for those I love most, because I don’t want them to be caught up in my death but to grieve and continue living. This tugged at my heartstrings so well. My only small note, if I may, would be I do not know how the third line will translate to public reading if it is picked for this week, but for a literary piece it is important for translating the internal turmoil, so it is really just a nitpick. Well Done!

  16. Really Home
    By Astrid Jones

    The glow of the alarm clock illuminated Sarah’s sleeping face. It was just enough light that Gus could see the tear tracks on her cheeks. She had told him on the phone she was watching “The Fox and Hound.” She always cried during that movie. But that had been hours ago. Now, here she was, one of his shirts wrapped around her, asleep in his spot, eyes still swollen from crying. The movie had been a cover.

    Silly woman, he thought, smiling as he undressed for bed. She would never admit she had cried because she missed him. No, his Sarah was too strong for that. But he knew better. He knew his wife was a beautiful, emotional mess behind her walls.

    Gus slipped under the sheets, trying not to jostle his wife too much. He wasn’t supposed to be home for another two days. But he couldn’t bear waking up one more morning without her smile to greet him. The phone calls and pictures weren’t enough. He needed the real thing; the smile that reached all the way to her eyes.

    Sarah murmured and rolled over, bumping into his chest. He wrapped an arm around her, tugging her closer, and planted a soft kiss on her temple. Her brow furrowed and she took in a deep breath through her nose.

    “Gus?” she whispered. “Are you really home?”

    “I’m really home, sweetheart.”

    “Good.” She snuggled closer and her breathing evened out as she went back to sleep.

    Gus looked down at his wife’s face. Even though she wasn’t awake anymore, it was there; the smile he would do anything to keep seeing.

    1. DizzyBackspin Avatar
      DizzyBackspin

      This story is like a warm, soft blanket. You could wrap yourself up in its goodness! I love how there is nothing complicated about this piece. It is just a wholesome image. It feels very real to me. Such a great window into their lives. The hints of trauma or emotional difficulty are there just outside the periphery and give context to this moment, but for this one sliver of time, it is all wholesome. Great job!

    2. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      This was adorable. The characterization of Sarah is very strong and Gus’ intimate knowledge of his wife really cements the relationship between them. A lot of times we say “show, don’t tell”. However, you’ve used telling us about a character through another as a way of showing us he cares about her. Nice job, Astrid.

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Astrid, this so pure and sweet, and I love it so much! it’s incredibly precious that he comes home earlier than expected just to see her smile and because he loves her so much. This is so beautiful. it’s such a glorious story, and I’m so very happy that you shared it. Brilliant and amazing. Brava!

  17. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “Into Blue Terror”
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane

    Tobias dived, the swirling navy blue chaos of Dinyah swirling around his white werewolf form. He had to find it. If he searched deep enough in the Unconscious Sea, he could minimize the damage to Dinyah as a whole. Tobias forced his will upon his surroundings, and the sensation of swimming stopped. Some of the swirls around him twisted tighter and tighter until it became pure blue motes suspended in midair.

    The white werewolf looked around at the dots before choosing one. A gentle voice shot through his mind.

    “In here.”

    The lycanthrope’s eyes widened. Quickly, he reached out and took the marble-sized orb into his large hands. Effortlessly, Tobias crushed the mote and drew a doorway, hands still together. Shards floated out of his grasp, gathering and reforming into an old door. Soft cooing echoed from the four dark blue walls, which rippled like water as Tobias entered. The air sung as if electrified. This place was dangerous. Tobias felt the lump in his throat tighten as he saw what he had come for: a cradle. The lycanthrope nervously stepped forward to peer inside. A small baby looked up at him with a smile.

    Tobias’ heart beat faster and faster. Could he really take this? Time was running out; the piscine horde of the Vast Deep would make landfall within three days. And yet, someone somewhere would never remember their child’s first smile again? It made Tobias sick just to think of it.

    The white werewolf looked down again. This wasn’t just for him. If the Vast Deep’s forces succeeded, the entire world would suffer a deluge. Taking this smile meant protecting every smile. Tobias thought back to his hometown. His fellow oneironauts. All of the humans he freed from demonic influence. Rot…

    Tobias focused, creating a bubble around the cradle. Immediately, the walls screamed in horror, their noise reverberating around the room. The lycanthrope howled in pain as he shrank the bubble to a carriable size. He grabbed it and bolted out the door.

    Tobias launched himself up, bauble in hand. Now, to get it where it belonged.

    1. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Pronunciation Guide:
      Dinyah: “den-yah”
      Oneironaut: “oh-nay-ree-oh-not”

    2. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      My heart really goes out to Tobias here. He has to make the hard choice for the greater good, but knows what he is taking away. I was smiling throughout but my chest was tight with emotion. Choices like this always come with a price, regardless of what you choose. In the end, you have to decide which price you are willing to pay. Beautiful piece Wolf.

    3. I really like the direction you took this prompt. Tobias is willing to do anything for not just one smile, but for everyone’s smiles. And if that means taking one, than so be it. But I also like that he has morals, even if what needs doing goes against them.
      A bit of a technical nit pick/question, though. Did you mean to put a “?” at the end of the sentence about “someone somewhere would never remember their child’s…”? It reads as more of a statement.
      Overall, I really liked this piece. I always love reading about the world you’ve created with Rot and Tobias.

    4. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Wolfsbane! Why did I not know that Tobias was a lycanthrope? It’s in his name! I really love this piece. There are some elements of mysticism and magic going on that are touch confusing to me, but I do find the notion of him having to take a baby’s first smile quite unsettling. Yes, it’s to save his home, but imagine how heartbreaking that is for the family! Decisions have to be made, unfortunately.

      There are some amazing visuals here, as well. I love the synchronicities and usages of blue. I also love that he has the time to think about Rot. It’s too sweet but also so somber. I love the complexities you were able to capture in the short span. Brilliant!

  18. MysteryElement Avatar
    MysteryElement

    How You Smile
    By MysteryElement

    I wonder how many people naively wish to be in my shoes right now? I was assigned to Orbit Station Niner-Delta in order to create “amiable relations” with our newfound allies, along with their representative, Kail. God only knows why my superiors thought an arachnophobe was the ideal candidate to room with a human-sized spider.

    “John, do you not like my gift?”

    I look up in trepidation, gently cradling the silken rope in my hands. His spindly legs coiled tightly, many eyes glaring at me over his twitching mandibles. He sounded threatening, adrenaline kicking my heart into gear.

    “N… No, Kail. It is wonderful. You really did not have to… make… this for me.” I shudder a little, trying not to think too hard about it. I look at him wide-eyed, the hairs on my arms rising.

    “I am glad you like it so much!”

    His legs uncoil, stretching his form back to full size. I nearly pass out.

    “H… here, I also…” I shakily hold out my wrapped gift.

    Taking it with his front legs, Kail begins unwrapping it swiftly. He does not rip the wrapping, instead unfolding it with deft precision and speed. I choke down the bile in my throat as the unwelcome image of him unwrapping me in a similar way arises into my mind. He has never harmed me, but…

    He holds the gift gently, his many eyes staring up at me. He had been so enamored with my stories about superheroes, and the few comics I had shown him, I decided to make him a cape with one of my spare blankets. His pupils dilate, the hairs on his legs and body standing on end. A sickening feeling drops into my stomach. Have I offended him? Is he going to kill me? He pulls the cape closer.

    “This is the most amazing gift I have ever received.”

    Kail stands upright on four of his legs, making him look even more massive, his remaining arms resting at his waist in a very ‘superhero’ pose with the cape hanging behind him.

    “How do I look?”

    1. DizzyBackspin Avatar
      DizzyBackspin

      Oh my god! This is so ridiculously amazing. What an image! The idea of being trapped in a space station with a giant spider-person alien is so horrifying. I totally identify with what John must be going through. Constantly living in fear of this weird lifeform, who by all actions is just big sweetheart, but knowing that at any moment it could just end you. The superhero pose had me in stitches. I hope poor John can learn to stop being afraid, otherwise it will be a long, stressful tour of duty for him.

    2. This is absolutely precious. I know John doesn’t see it that way. But how utterly oblivious Kail is to John’s discomfort and his need to please his new friend even though that friend is terrified of him just strikes me as sweet. And that John was able to put so much thought into a gift to give Kail, despite being so frightened of him, shows that John is incredibly brave. Hopefully with prolonged exposure, John will overcome his phobia of spiders. So far, he’s doing a great job.
      Wonderful job with this piece, Mystery. I hope we get to see more of John and Kail.

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Awwwwwwwww!!!!!! Mystery! This is too sweet! I feel so bad for John, but I did kind of laugh a little bit because he’s so scared of the spider. Then again, the spider is human shaped, so I think that would freak ANYONE out.

      But this is so darling. John is so terrified despite the fact that the spider seems to mean him no ill-will. He’s just being a spider. Kail is an absolute sweetheart, and I love his reaction to getting the cape. I cannot believe you made me care about a spider. I teared up a little bit because it’s so innocent. You brilliant person, you.

    4. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Poor John. He has to force his worst fear back in order to establish a good standing with Kail’s people. Nice job, Mystery. For some reason, this reminds me of immersion therapy. Kail himself is also extremely cute in his actions. It’s like dealing with a large chitinous child. I really hope you continue this story.

    5. Amy Trow Avatar
      Amy Trow

      Awww, this story is great! I know what it’s like to be afraid of spiders, so I can really see myself in this character’s shoes. I love this adaptation of Sci-fi! It’s such a fun idea to see other species so facinated with our pop culture. Cuz yknow, I’d obviously be interested in theirs, so it’s great to think how they’d like ours! Great job!!!

    6. DesOttsel Avatar
      DesOttsel

      This story has great tension between the two characters. It’s such a weird, but simple premise, and it’s just a lot of fun. The characterization of John is great, and the internal struggles get across really well. He can’t help but be afraid of Kail, despite the demeanor of the spider. This prompt could have easily gone a different route, but I’m glad it was so wholesome.

  19. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    “For Her Smile”
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    Sam shot up at the sound of her phone buzzing on her bedside table. Flipping it open, she read the contact name and immediately answered.

    “Roselyn, it’s late—”

    “SAM thank goodness you picked up!” Roselyn’s voice made Sam flinch. “I just got out of a fight with my mom because I broke a thing on accident while I was practicing and she said mean things and I said something mean and—”

    “Woah, woah, hey,” Sam whispered. “Start from the beginning. What were you practicing?”

    “Self-defense stuff. For gym class.”

    “Oh.” Sam winced. She’d tried to forget about that. “Continue?”

    Sam listened to the whole story without interrupting. Her hypersensitive hearing came with the bat ears, but truly listening was something her father had taught her.

    “And then she yelled at me, and I yelled back, and… I can’t lie to you. I’ve been crying since.”

    “Roselyn…” Sam took a deep breath and forced a smile. “You can lie to me. Welcome to the club, we have snacks.”

    “Sam! Don’t say things like that!” But Sam caught a small giggle from Roselyn’s end of the call.

    “Sorry, sorry. I just wanted to make you laugh. I hate it when you’re this sad.”

    A quiet sniff came through the phone. “…Really?”

    “Of course! Tell you what,” Sam stood up and stretched, “what do I need to do to make you smile?”

    “Uh, um…” Roselyn paused. “This sounds stupid, but…”

    “It can be stupid. I don’t mind.”

    “…I want a hug from you. They’re always so nice.”

    Sam froze. “Really?”

    Roselyn sighed. “I know it’s stupid, and close to midnight, and—”

    “And? Third quarter moon. No clouds.” Sam threw on a jacket. “I’ll be there soon.”

    “What? NO! You don’t know how the whole ‘riding on moonbeams’ thing works! What if you—”

    “About that,” Sam opened her window. “The moment I told my siblings about it, they immediately started messing around. I’ve already won two games of moonlight tag.”

    “I—you can’t be serious.”

    “See you in twenty!” Sam hung up and leapt into the night, running on the light of the moon.

    1. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      YES! I love this! I love how you can tell how close these two are, like siblings or really close friends. You did a really good job at selling that. I love how these two just feel like authentic people and how real this conversation is, despite Sam being a vampire. Also, wholesome vampires get an immediate thumbs up from me. Just an amazing piece all around. Very well done, Glaceon.

    2. I relate to Sam so much in this piece. Someone, it doesn’t matter who, has hurt the friend and the friend must be comforted, no matter what time of night it is. No matter where the friend is. But now I need to know, would Roselyn do the same for Sam? Roselyn knows she can find comfort in Sam, but can Sam find comfort in Roselyn? The “forced smile” makes me think that the comfort might be one sided.
      Overall, this was a very sweet piece and I truly enjoyed it. Great job!

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Firstly, I have to applaud you for using Dracula’s travel by moonlight ability in your vampires. It’s a very underutilized aspect, in my opinion. Onto the actual piece. I kinda want to know what the argument was about, but I know it’s not important to the story. The repetition of what happened doesn’t really translate to written word well. If you had written it in a way where we couldn’t read it as easily, it might work better. Other than that, this is a nice story.

    4. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Yay! Rose and Sam are back! This is the couple from the love story of character x character, correct? And your use of magic is brilliant here! I love that Sam is a bat! And that she’s willing to do anything for Rosalyn, even if it’s dangerous.

      Very sweet and cute and energetic. I hope Rosalyn is able to patch up things with her mom, and I hope Sam gives her the biggest, warmest hug ever! Stellar read, Carrie!

  20. Twangyflame0 Avatar
    Twangyflame0

    Fool For You
    By Twangyflame0

    Morgan felt a slight panic. He already fucked up twice now. The host of the karaoke night gestured to him while talking to the rest of the club. “It’s alright my man! You got one more shot at this. Come on everyone, let’s give him some encouragement!”

    He could hear the other patrons cheering, but it pissed him off. It was all condescending. He wanted to turn around and scream at all of them. But then he saw Rihonnan.

    She was smiling, but her eyes…

    It wasn’t enough. He couldn’t fuck up now. He never wanted to ever see that sad look in her eyes. He gave a thumbs up to the DJ. The crowd sounded distant as they cheered. He looked at the screen and felt the beat in his feet.

    He nearly fucked up again, almost starting early. But he kept going, ignoring that his pitch was slightly off. His feet began to tap to the beat and his hips began to move a bit. He felt the music. It was almost like feeling the rhythm of combat.

    After the first phase was done, there was a small break in the lyrics. He grabbed his breath. The crowd sounded excited, but even more distant to him. He started singing again but he soon found his feet shifting. Was he dancing? Wait, was he actually dancing in front of a crowd of people?

    The lyrics seemed to flow out of him as a strange sense euphoria came over him. No. He wasn’t singing in front of a crowd. He was singing because it was kind of fun. He was singing for the one he loved most.

    However, his voice gave out near the apex of the song. But at that point, it was already over. The crowd cheered for him and he wanted to die of embarrassment. But then he looked over and saw Rihonnan, smiling with tears in her eyes.

    He walked over to Rihonnan when the crowd died down. He sat down next to her. “Sorry I surprised-”

    She shut up his foolishness with a kiss.

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Twangy, this is adorable and I love it. Morgan sinks into the music all for Rihonnan, and that helps him realize just how much fun he was having. The line “It was almost like feeling the rhythm of combat” is also really powerful. Did the crowd notice who he was performing for? Does it even matter? Maybe his performance helped someone else realize that karaoke is about more than just looking good to a crowd, it’s about having fun too. Overall, very solid piece, Twangy. Great job!

    2. DizzyBackspin Avatar
      DizzyBackspin

      Okay, this is a fun story. You did a great job of illustrating that moment when you are in the middle of putting yourself out there in front of lots of people, and to you own wild surprise, you might actually be doing it well! I’ve felt that buzzy head-high before, and your writing made me remember exactly how it felt for me. At first, I really wanted to know what song he was performing, but having thought about it, I actually like that you don’t outright say what song or genre it is. It lets the reader fill in their own favorite song. That’s a great way to let the reader personalize the story a bit and become more invested. Great job!

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I truly love seeing this couple, Twangy. I love that Morgan is willing to step outside of his comfort zone to make Rihonnan smile. It’s also so very wonderful to see him getting into it by the end and let himself go. It’s also very darling to see that kiss at the end. Sweet and heartwarming. You write romance so very well, as well as other genres. Great job!

  21. Connor/Dragoneye Avatar
    Connor/Dragoneye

    “For the Emperor” Submitted by Connor/Dragoneye

    “You. Monist. To the block.”

    Cato trudged up the stairway, hands and ankles bound by chains. As he hesitated, a soldier shoved him upwards, causing the prisoner to nearly trip on the stairs. Cato then regained his footing and climbed towards the figure hefting a sword.

    Beside the executioner was a woman, wreathed in long, gold-trimmed robes. “Do you have any last words to be heard by the Exalted Four?”

    “The only divine one that can hear anything is our Emperor.”

    The crowd’s roars grew louder, shouting “Heresy!” and “Death to the Monist!”. The priestess sighed before asking, “Then do you have anything else to say to… anyone?”

    Cato’s heart thrummed hard enough that it nearly burst from his chest. “People of Morcidul!” he shouted.

    The priestess raised her hand towards the crowd. Their bullying fell silent.

    “Hear me when I say that we were once united under our dear liege’s power. But, now you say his power is not just his own. Has his dragon’s blood grown thin? Does that mean he should no longer be our leader? I stand by my words when I say that our Emperor is our only god, but to cast aside the once-powerful name that was the Imperial Dynasty? Have you lost sight of what they’ve done for us? They’ve led us into many battles, together and without fear. They’ve provided plentiful harvests and peaceful seasons. Do you agree with me?”

    The crowd failed to stir, and the once-ravenous speech remained quiet.

    “Feed the blade,” the priestess commanded.

    Cato’s neck was pushed down onto the chopping block. “One who bears the blood of our enemies, give unto me your divine blood and spirit, as mine will be spilled for our people. Glory to the Emperor and our Empire.”

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      This is a very interesting piece, Connor. Cato’s final words, both the ones he shouts to the people and the last paragraph of this story, are very powerful. That being said, I’m not entirely sure how this fits with the prompt. I see how Cato is giving everything up for what he believes, but I’m missing how it fits with the whole “smile” bit. Still, this is a great story, Connor. Nice job!

    2. Lari B. Haven Avatar
      Lari B. Haven

      I know, I said once, but I liked the story. Its very interesting. The way Cato seems to be proud of dieing for the emperor. Even though everyone around him seems to disagree with his sentiment, given the speech he gave that could not move the crowd. I think that in the end, he was the one smiling. Very good one Connor.

    3. William Maitland Avatar
      William Maitland

      Ah, I missed tuning into your stories, Connor! You always do such a fine job weaving serious emotion into the intricacies of your worldbuilding. On initial read-through, I was kind of struggling to find the “anything for a smile,” though as a devotee, it could be said he only wants the Emperor to smile down on him, or to go out with a smile. If you’ll forgive how much of a meme this will sound like, it calls to mind that phrase from the intro of Skyrim.

      “My ancestors are smiling at me, Imperials! Can you say the same?!”

    4. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Connor, this is tragic. Cato gives his heart and life for this empire and its people only to have them turn their backs on him. He tried to rally one ally or a simple smile from them in his last act, but they betrayed him. Is it too much to hope for a Deus ex Machina from the Emperor? Man! Damn, this is sad! Great story!

  22. William Maitland Avatar
    William Maitland

    “On Tour: A Wyrd Tale”
    By William Maitland

    Sugar closed the door of her hotel room behind her. She left the lights off. The quiet dark was a welcome refresher from the blazing lights of stardom. The solitude, more inviting than the millions of staring eyes. Falling on the bed, still in her sweat-soaked stage regalia, she began to cry. It was all she had the strength left to do.

    Then HE entered. By whatever doorless means at his disposal, he entered the hotel room. He hummed that damnable song, the one that got her into that mess. Mocking her.

    “Sugar! How’d the show go, darling?”

    “You… This isn’t what I signed up for. I didn’t want THIS!”

    “Oh, you sweet summer child…” He chuckled. “This is how it happens. You wanted your songs to reach the masses, to make EVERYBODY happy. That means you wanted FAME. And these days, FAME means you get up on a stage and…” he swayed his hips in a mocking manner. “Shake it for ‘em. Face it, Sugar. You signed on far too late to be America’s sweetheart. Now, America’s your sugar daddy.”

    She pulled at her hair. “This isn’t what I wanted! I wanted to at least be the one SINGING my songs. I didn’t even WRITE half the ones they have me lip-synch up there…”

    He whistled. “Damn, you still got HALF? Lucky girl!”

    “Let me take it BACK!”

    Wyrd couldn’t help but make one more push. “Uh-uh! No take-backs, in my line of work! You struck for fame, and sold your soul to more people than just me. But hey… look at all those smiling faces.”

    She looked at him with silent, murderous intent.

    “Thanks to you, millions of desperate teenagers have an idol. Dozens of corporate suits have a steady pay. And me? I get to treat the wife to a fancy dinner tonight! Everyone wins. Everyone’s smiling… except you.”

    She picked up the TV remote and threw it at him. He vanished, and it smashed the mirror of her vanity. His mocking laughter echoed in his absence.

    1. Connor/Dragoneye Avatar
      Connor/Dragoneye

      Wow, Wyrd’s one rude dude! This is really saddening for Sugar, since all she wanted was to make music, and now she’s looped into the music industry’s horrendous system. It’s a fear that’s a little too real for me, but that means you wrote this piece right! I love the characterization here, for both Sugar and Wyrd, since it’s clear and concise about the dynamic between the two, as well as each of their individual desires and goals. Awesome job, Will!

    2. I really like this approach you took to the prompt. Everyone’s smiling except the person creating the smiles. You wrote Sugar’s emotions into this piece quite well, along with Wyrd’s airy aloofness. I also really like the idea that this demon-creature has a wife he’s taking out for a nice dinner. It makes him just a tiny bit human.
      This is a wonderful story and I hope we get to see more of Wyrd and his sass.

    3. Lari B. Haven Avatar
      Lari B. Haven

      Nothing like a good and old Faustian deal. You can almost fell her frustration with that one. She only wanted to make music that made people happy, but it’s pretty clear that what she sacrificed to get to her place. I really like his personality, I have a thing for cunning devils. Great text William!

    4. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Kon, this one DEEP! I also love that this is a follow-up! To Come Sail Away, correct? I’m really glad we’re getting a look into Sugar’s mind with this piece. It always sucks to see how a simple wish can go wrong. And this mysterious entity that you have created is quite malicious and gleeful at Sugar’s misery. I’m definitely interested to see where this goes and to see if Sugar is able to get out of this situation. Great story! Absolutely missed your writing!

  23. Fowl Play
    By NocteVesania

    A curious creature stands in the middle of the school’s main hallway. His legs are trembling underneath the thick orange cloth, and his feet feel sweaty in those oversized rubber feet. He feels the heat of having to be stuffed in an old body suit, patches of its yellow plumage having fallen off, leaving behind him a trail of bright yellow on the tiled floor.

    Standing in the crowded hall like a human-sized traffic cone, practically screaming ‘Look at me!’, students naturally start gathering around him, taking pictures and jeering, laughing at the out-of-place character. One girl in particular, however, wasn’t as happy. Urged by a friend, Rebecca now stands inside the circle of onlookers, face-to-face with the strange fowl.

    The creature places a hand (or rather, a wing) on its beak and lifts it up, revealing David’s face underneath the avian facade. Rebecca crosses her arms in disdain.

    “You look ridiculous.” Rebecca remarks.

    David simply shrugs, his usual stupid look on his face.

    “Why are you even doing this?” Rebecca says, a tinge of anger in her voice.

    David zips his suit down a bit and reaches inside for a large poster board on his torso. He then holds it up, revealing the words “I’m sorry, I clucked up.”

    “Pffft… ” Rebecca tries to hold back, though her snickers keep seeping through. Soon enough, she bursts out laughing.

    An uproar of shouts and cheers from the crowd fills the air, but for David, all he hears is that warm laughter from Rebecca. Embarrassing as this situation may be, to him, it was all worth the trouble.

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Oh. My goodness. I love everything about this, from the pun in the title to the punch line, everything is beautifully written. What an amazingly hilarious way to apologize to someone, too. I’m glad David’s hard work to made Rebecca smile was all worth it in the end. Overall, this is an amazing story, Nocte. Great job!

    2. Lari B. Haven Avatar
      Lari B. Haven

      This is such a sweet story… I loved it! I really like stories of teens, where they act like in all their glorious goofy selves. David seems to be really keen of practical jokes, given Rebbeca’s reaction. I think you have a lot o potential in this style, Nocte, keep going!

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Nocte, this is uproariously funny while also being sweet and charming. At first, I definitely thought this was going to be a horror story, but I’m very glad that it isn’t. I love that David is willing to humiliate himself just to see Rebecca smile and fix the mistake he made. Definitely laughed out loud on this one. Bravo!

  24. revisis Avatar
    revisis

    Hopefully, good times
    by Exce

    The boy had visibly recovered. No longer could Syrus see the bones of his cheeks press against the skin, and the angry red lines of scars had faded away into pale reminders.

    He indeed seemed back to full health…if it weren’t for the quiet,  empty long stares into nowhere. When outside the children of the village played, he sat inside, huddled in a blanket in Syrus’s big armchair.

    With a bit of prodding and sweet-talking, Syrus had gotten him to start practicing his writing and language. And whilst the boy worked diligently, he still seemed distant and wooden. Like a puppet.

    Soon nearly an entire year had gone by, an entire year since the boy had stumbled into their village.

    And as Syrus sat over his papers one late night, he hatched an idea to maybe improve the boy’s mood.

    The next few days were busy-talks with the baker and haggling with a stubborn hunter that kept Syrus busy and left his purse considerably lighter.

    On the dawn of the anniversary he rose early, preparing their small dining room for his plan and, as everything was done, the boy was carefully opening the door to peer inside.
    The child looked up, taking in the contents of the table.

    A big white cake rose up from an equally big plate, and whilst its rim was decorated with various fruits, in the center rose 10 burning candles.
    Eyes widening at the sight in wonder, the child sat down on the chair in front of it. Whilst the cake was enticing, the object which now held the child’s attention was a small covered woven basket. And the note attached to its handle.

    Leaning forward, he deciphered the letters.

    >For Excelsius, happy birthday.

    Then that basket…shook.
    Syrus smiled as the child’s eyes widened even further.

    Something bopped the lid from below,causing it to slip  aside and off, revealing a wet sniffing snout.

    Excelsius reached into the basket, pulling out a small brown fuzzy-furred puppy with long floppy ears.
    Very slowly, a smile spread on the boy’s lips.

    1. DizzyBackspin Avatar
      DizzyBackspin

      Exce, I really like this. PTSD can be so devastating, especially for the developing mind of a child. I think you capture the detachment and internal isolation perfectly. The ending really leaves the reader with hope and a positive outlook, though. This kid might actually make it through this! After I finished reading, I just kept picturing all the adventures the boy and puppy would have together, growing into best friends. If your goal was to make a grown man get some dust in eyes and have to wipe them dry, congrats. You did it!

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This may very well be the sweetest story that I’ve read by you. It’s so precious because he gets a puppy! Especially after the hard life he’s had. This is a beautiful tale, and I’m so very glad you wrote it, Exce. Great job!

  25. DizzyBackspin Avatar
    DizzyBackspin

    “A Moment”
    By DizzyBackspin

    A dim grayness materialized. He was in a room. No, not a room, but what? A space? The gray space seemed empty and endless yet felt like it was pressing against him. The grayness was in his mind, too. He tried to think, but the images were fragmented. He pressed his palms to his forehead. Images cycled too fast to hold: An orange pill bottle with a white cap, his wife’s key on the counter, a small coffin being lowered, a frowning doctor and…

    A hand rested on his shoulder and a voice spoke, “Son.”

    Startled, he snapped his head. “Dad? Where am I?”

    The older man gestured. “We have to talk. Sit.”

    There was a chair behind him so the younger man sat and said, “Dad, I… I don’t understand.”

    The older man remained on his feet. “Son, this is just a moment. It will pass but what comes next…” He leaned closer. “your actions, what you did…”

    The younger man closed his eyes and the image flashed: the empty orange bottle, the popping sound when it hit the tile.

    “…the choice you made has consequences. What you have put into motion will grow evermore suffering.” The older man continued, “He wants to know why, Son. Why did you do it?”

    Another memory came to him: soft curls, ruddy cheeks, a small hand wriggling into his and that beautiful smile. His fists clenched. “I couldn’t stand another day without her smile. I­ need to be with her.”

    The older man nodded and spoke, “You are judged selfish but not baleful.”
    The younger man stood, about to yell, but a small hand wriggled into his. He knelt and she smiled like an angel. He cradled her and cried as she spoke softly in his ear, “I love you, Daddy.”

    The older man spoke again. “Son, this was just a moment. Where you are going next will be… longer. Keep her memory but let her go. What comes next is not for her.”
    He set her down, and she was gone. Stygian heat boiled up around him.

    1. Why yes, I absolutely needed a good cry today. I see what has happened here, even though it is a little bit confusing at times. But as your main character is also confused, it just helped to immerse me as a reader into this space you’ve created. You gave some wonderful clues and hints to help balance out the confusion. In the end, he got what he was after, even though it was more of a one-last-time kind of deal. He made a decision and now he must exist with the consequences for a long, long time, all for the sake of a smile.
      Wonderful piece, Dizzy. I need to go find my box of kleenex, now.

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is intense and heartbreakingly sad, Dizzy. it’s awesome how you splice in bits of memory with the current conversation. It’s harrowing trying to figure out what’s happening with the protagonist, especially because he doesn’t know what’s happening either. It all builds into this somber crescendo, and at the end, there’s so much pain but also acceptance. Crazy bittersweet first century. Bravo!

    3. Oh no! I hate the idea that those who commit suicide go to Hell but this was such a beautiful play on that experience as a whole. On how one painful, desperate moment can make you lose sight of the things most important in your life and how your choices will affect those things. I feel truly sorry for his little girl and for him; he died and he doesn’t even get to see his wife again 🙁

    4. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      The road to hell, fits well for this story. I don’t need to know the full context this story is enough to know what happen.

      Only real thing I would change would be the spacing of some of the dialog and paragraphs. as some are on the same line while others are space separate from each other.

      1. DizzyBackspin Avatar
        DizzyBackspin

        Yes, I struggled with that bit. I’ve always believed Dialogue is my greatest weakness. For this one i just decided to separate out when the main character was speaking from when any other was speaking. I’ll keep practicing!

    5. Tale Foundry Avatar
      Tale Foundry

      Damn it, Dizzy! I was not ready for this when I scrolled passed you name, I was expecting something more wholesome from you, not a first class ticket to the seventh circle of hell. Daaaamn.
      I knew exactly what was going on the moment I read the father wanting his son to talk.A little confusion at the beginning, but that was still you setting things up. I am happy that the main character got to see his love’s smile for one last time, but it just blows that he’ll never get it ever again. Hopefully his soul gets absolved of it’s sin.

      Brilliant piece, Dizzy! I hope it gets read!

    6. revisis Avatar
      revisis

      Ohhhh. Damnit I should have expected it. Should have seen it coming.

      But god,damn Dizzy this is an excellent story. Like holy shit, the way you lead into it, the flashbacks that slowly send you down a mental path…then the why.

      My god.

      This is an amazing sad/moving story and perfectly encapsulates the “Everything” in the prompt. Because this father did decide to give everything.

      I hope his time in purgatory and the cleansing fire will be shorter once “He” knows that the father did it out of love, and not self hatred.

      10/10 debut story.

  26. Lari B. Haven Avatar
    Lari B. Haven

    Anything for her company
    by Larissa (Lari B.Haven)

    Zoella Alvarez watched the game with all the other young nobles in the main garden. It was a hot afternoon, all the girls drank tea and sat in the grassy field near the blooming roses.

    The boy from England had brought a ball to play with the men the new fad they had invented overseas: football.

    The noblewomen were used to being sidelined in activities like this, but Zoella felt isolated the most. The others didn’t like her, coming from a family of higher status. As the granddaughter of the Count, she needed to keep her composure and suppress her emotions. So, Zoella would swallow it up, all the thinly veiled insults, and respond with coldness and silence.

    There was no one there that she really wished to be around. Especially that pompous new money from England. Always in the distance, trying to catch her sight in every other glimpse. During the match, it was no different.

    “Fellow gentleman, by the rules of the house, the team that wins can ask for anything from the ladies in the audience.” He said confidently. “Miss Alvarez, I kindly ask that if I win – And I will win- that you give me the pleasure of your company tonight.”

    Zoella still could not grasp why he was so interested in her, of all people, but she waited to see what he would do after that.
    She didn’t really understand the game at all, but found herself surprisingly amused every time the red-haired English boy tripped over himself, trying to keep hold of the ball. She even allowed herself a laugh when the ball flew high and hit him square in the face. She couldn’t just hide behind her fan anymore and he took notice of it.

    After a while, it was clear to her that he was playing badly on purpose. Even if all he got was a smile, it was worth the pain of a bleeding nose. Zoella took pity on the boy and went after him to offer a handkerchief:

    “Carlos Anderson, you’ve won my favor, please be my company tonight.”

    1. DizzyBackspin Avatar
      DizzyBackspin

      I really enjoyed this piece. The way Zoella is written, I feel protective of her as a reader. I’m worried what intentions this boy Carlos has for our Zoella! Well written progression of Zoella’s mindset from completely disinterested in her surroundings to losing herself in the heat of the game as it plays out. The whole piece feels 1800s yet has clear call-backs to Knightly Jousting Tournaments. Well done!

    2. This was cute. I think it captures the way young boys try to flirt… pretty well. The bold boisterous claims and then acting like an idiot, and all that. I hope he’s not as pompous as she assumed once they get to meet, Zoella seems to really need someone on her team.

      This was a fun read, but some of the comma usage makes some sentences flow less. For instance, ” So Zoella swallowed up all the thinly veiled insults and responds with coldness and silence.” would be something like that. I hope that helps, and i cant wait to see what you write next! 🙂

    3. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      This story is sweet. Romance between nobility is sometimes a strange dance of words, declarations, failures, and mannerisms. It’s really heartwarming seeing the simplest and arguably dumbest things just breaking through all conventions of high society. I really enjoyed reading this story, Lari. Very well done.

    4. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Lari!! THIS IS SO ADORABLE, AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH!! I love that this is Zoella and Carlos’s origin story! It’s so precious! you write stories like this so well, and there’s so much passion in it! I laughed out loud for like 2 minutes when the ball hit Carlos in the face. Everything about this is darling and so sweet! No critiques on this one! Brilliant job and such a heartwarming story!

    5. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      I enjoyed this one, Lari. There was such a fun vibe to this, especially as as it became apparent that Carlos was playing the buffoon to win Zoella’s favour. It was kind of charming, and it made me smile that it worked. Good job.

  27. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    Smile for Big Top
    by Lunabear

    “It’s not FAIR! I don’t WANT to go!” I scream and beat Papa’s back, but his arm presses me more against his shoulder. My tears feel like they’re being pulled down my face.

    “Now, Davey, you stop this foolishness! We’ve had to hear about this from you for too long. You’ll see there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

    “It might be fun, honey.”

    “Please, Mama!” I reach for her, but she only holds my hand.

    “Three tickets, please.”

    “Glad you made it! We leave early next week.” The woman’s voice is low. Dangerous.

    “Thanks.” Papa walks on.

    “Enjoy the show!” The woman waves one of her eight arms. A smile stretches her spidery face.

    We find seats close to the ring as the lights go out. Papa sits me next to him and keeps me in place with his arm around my shoulders. Mama sits on my other side.

    A spotlight shines, and the three-eyed man steps under it. “Ladies and gentlemen! Children of all ages! Welcome to Big Top’s Black Magic Cabaret!”

    The crowd cheers as the show begins. Tentacled creatures ride skeleton animals with organs showing. Four-winged bats drop balls of red liquid for the monsters to balance. The crowd screams in excitement.

    “Isn’t this fun, Davey?” Mama asks through a smile.

    I shake my head and cover my eyes. Many more things happen, but I don’t look.

    “Aren’t they wonderful, folks?! For our last act, I’d like a volunteer!”

    Lots of people shout, but I cover my ears and hide against Papa.

    Mama shakes me. “Davey! It’s us!”

    The light blinds me, and I try to run away, but Papa carries me to the middle of the ring as the crowd goes wild. I shut my eyes tight.

    “Sir, madame. Into the box, please.”

    Papa puts me on the ground, and they are gone in a puff of smoke when I turn around.

    “NO! Give them back!” I cry and shake with anger.

    “Smile, and I will.” Big Top grins.

    I face the crowd. My heart races. Through my tears, I smile until it hurts.

    1. DizzyBackspin Avatar
      DizzyBackspin

      Ack! I felt the panic! This piece really calls up some childhood anxiety for me. I have no clue where this is or who these creatures are, but I think it works here. As kids being carted around by our parents, we often felt that way, didn’t we? Perfect for Davey’s perspective and really helps put me in Davey’s shoes. I don’t know if these are humans and its all being filtered through Davey’s imagination, or if there really are Spider-Lady Cashiers and tentacle creatures. That really helps toss the reader into Davey’s perspective. Cheers!

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you, Dizzy! This is the third installment of an ongoing circus narrative that I have. I’m so glad that this was able to put you in Davey’s perspective. And I’m really glad you enjoyed it. For context, these monsters are real, but not everybody can see them for what they truly are. Davey can. Big Top knows this and plans to use it to his advantage. To what end, I don’t yet know. Absolutely looking forward to writing more of this. Thank you so very much for your review! It is incredibly appreciated!

        1. DizzyBackspin Avatar
          DizzyBackspin

          Ack again! This makes so much more terrifying! Poor Davey! I want to rescue him (me)!

    2. GJFuller Avatar
      GJFuller

      I love that ending. To me, it’s ambiguous as to whether or not the fear is still justified. On one hand, the child could still be under the impression that the cabaret did something nefarious to his parents or it’s just a regular magic act that the child is overreacting to.
      I like how the child is the only one to see the “danger” (use quotes because I’m still unsure if the circus is truly dangerous). There are a lot of stories where the child, infant, or pet is the only one who can see what’s up. It’s a cliche that I always enjoy, party in due to the irony. They’re the only ones who know the truth and they’re the ones with the least power to do anything about it.
      Good work!

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thanks for the feedback, GJ! To Davey, the fear it is most certainly justified. This creature that has been trying to get him to come to the circus could now possibly have his parents. I really love that you enjoyed this. Thank you so very much for your review! They are always appreciated!

    3. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      Oh, this poor summer child. There is something sad but also realistic about a child being the only one able to see and understand the horror in front of them. The music video that Johanson showed in the Discord really comes to my mind when I think about this piece. I feel incredibly sad for this child, but I also feel the wicked glee of the Three-eyed One. This one conveys a lot of things and it is constructed wonderfully. Very well done, Luna.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        A wholehearted shout of gratitude to you for your review! Thank you!! I’m also glad that you picked up on Big Top’s glee. I also appreciate that you sympathize with Davey. Your reviews are always such fun and so welcome!

    4. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      I enjoy the premise of this macabre circus, it plays into the fear a child may have of the circus. to others it seems like good fun, but from the child’s eyes it is a festival of gore and fear. Granted, in this case it is very real, supposedly, but I enjoyed how creepy this was. It is made all the more tragic when the child smiles out of terror rather than joy, in similarity to what people are willing to smile about in order to get what they need.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so very much for your review, Mystery. This demonic creature is most definitely psychologically torturing this poor baby. We may very well get to see why later on. I truly appreciate your review, and I’m thankful that you enjoyed this piece.

    5. Aaaah this kids going through so much cus their parents think you can treat fear with exposure. The visions that this child sees are worse and worse each time you describe them; its as if the circus is starting to chip away at his mind and make him see it in all of its horrifying glory. Kind of like a Silent Hill type thing; I dig it.
      Poor baby was so terrified to go it probably never crossed his mind that his parents might be the ones whisked away instead of him ;-; I’m captivated, as always.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so much for your review, Marco. Yes. He is being psychologically tortured. Poor baby. I didn’t think about Silent Hill, but I can totally see it. I really glad that you like it. Your reviews are always so appreciated. Truly. I was initially going to do this from Big Top’s point of view, but I wasn’t sure how I could spin it. I think I’ll try my hand at it next time the opportunity arises. Thank you, again!

    6. I love this continuation of the story! Both parents trying to help their son get over his fear by facing it is a perfect reason to bring us back. I really enjoy all the subtleties of the details only Davey seems to notice. They’re ambiguous enough to make us feel unsettled just like him, but also in a different context might not be sinister at all. At the end of it though, the important take-away is in that last chilling line. This has only traumatized Davey further.

      On another note I’d absolutely love to visit and see the Big Top’s Black Magic Cabaret!

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so much for your review, Deviacon! Yes, this poor baby is beyond traumatized at this point. I have plans on where to take it next, though. Absolutely! I would definitely love to visit this circus! Thank you again!

    7. Matthew Avatar
      Matthew

      Hiya Luna! I really like the ambiguity in this one. Whether or not the child’s fears are true or manifestations of his young and creative mind is a really powerful question this give me the entirety of the emotional weight of this piece for me. Like i mentioned on discord, this reminds of the MTMG music video for their song Kids where a babu sees an unfamiliar world as scary and frightening. I can almost see this happening to the kid… if Big Top wasn’t so sinister in his motivations. poor bb

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so very much for your review, Matty! This poor baby is being scarred for life, and he’s not even sure if it’s real. We may very well receive confirmation next installment on if it’s all real or not. 😉 As always, your reviews and feedback are always welcome and appreciated!

    8. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      Poor Davey! This kid has been utterly traumatized by this circus and I have no idea if he’s imagining everything, or he’s capable of seeing the true form of the circus that adults have blinded themselves to. You do such a great job of viscerally feeding us Davey’s fear. And that last line is perfect. Excellent job, Felicia.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you for the review, Mas! Your feedback is always appreciated! this poor baby is being tormented, and he is not even sure what he did to deserve it. The next installment may very well reveal if it’s real. I’m really glad you like this! I’m definitely having a lot of fun writing this, and I can’t wait to share more. Thank you again!

  28. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    A Night on the Town
    By Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    Knock knock.

    A slider on the door opens.

    “Password?” says a rough voice from inside.

    The couple look at each other for a moment before the woman speaks up.

    “Ventura.”

    The slider closes quickly and the door opens.

    “Welcome to: The Black Widow.” the voice says and the two head inside.

    The two leave the 21st century alley and find themselves face to face with an honest to God 1930s speakeasy. It isn’t a very large place, but it still has a live band playing some fast jazz for the few couples on the dancefloor.

    “Let’s get some drinks?” The man asks.

    “Not yet!” the woman pouts. “Come on, George. Don’t you wanna dance a little?”

    “I dunno, Anna.” George says as he grabs the back of his head. “Last time I got on a dance floor, it didn’t exactly end well…”

    “Come on, George. Live a little!” Anna says, looking right into his eyes. “This is already our third date, and you haven’t even had a good laugh with me.”

    She looks down a little. “I’m beginning to think you don’t really like hanging out with me.”

    “That’s not true at all.” George says. “I guess I’ve been feeling a lotta stress recently.”

    Anna gives him a quick hug. “It’s ok, sweetie. Let’s have a few drinks, and THEN a dance?”

    George finally relents. “Fine. Just one!”

    The two head to the bar, and enjoy some of the old-timey drinks they offered. Soon enough, the band starts playing “Sing Sing Sing” and the dance-floor really gets moving.

    “Come on, George!” Anna says, pulling him out of his seat. Ignoring the look of horror on her date’s face, Anna grabs both of his hands and begins moving along with the music. Before long, the two rule the dancefloor with their moves.

    Anna smiles. “I’d never thought I’d see you dancing!”

    George laughs. “Anything for y-.”

    Anna’s smile disappears as she plunges her hidden knife through George’s heart, killing him instantly and turning him into a pile of ash.

    She sighs.

    “It’s so hard to get vampires to smile these days.”

    1. GJFuller Avatar
      GJFuller

      I love this. And that twist…! Oh boy.
      I really enjoyed the setting for this, it fits perfectly for someone hunting a vampire (perhaps because he’s familiar with this setting and feels comfortable here…like attacking someone in their own home?). The name of the speakeasy was really clever too, it added some nice subtle foreshadowing to the piece. It was definitely a hint, but it didn’t spell it all out for me what was going to happen.
      Rereading it…my Lord is Anna manipulative! I almost feel bad for the guy, even if he is a vampire. He was having so much fun. The guy has been on three dates with her and hasn’t bitten her yet (probably).
      Wonder what the aftermath was here? Like, did everyone panic because she just dusted a guy? Or is everyone like “oh, good work” and return to their drinks and dancing. Or is this whole bar like one giant Venus flytrap, with everyone working/attending the dance there in on it??? Gosh that would be a fun job…
      Good work!

    2. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      “STAB THROUGH THE HEART! AND YOU’RE TO BLAME! DARLING, YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME!”

      OH my god, I found ending completely hilarious. I wasn’t expecting that twist at all, and once it sunk into my head I started laughing. I don’t know why, but I just found this piece incredibly funny. The setup and execution were perfect. Very well done, Johanson.

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Well, at least George had a happy last moment. I really do love the approach to getting him to smile just so she could see his fangs and actually see that he is vampire (Thanks, Dukki!). I also love that Anna seems to be having fun, as well, despite her mission. I also really love to throw back to the 1920 speakeasies. Period pieces are some of my favorites! It’s a very light-hearted take on the phone with a devastating ending. Very well done, Matty! Your stories are always such a joy to read and some of my favorites!

    4. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      I’m a little confused on why Anna needs vampires to smile before she slays them. I’m sure there’s some reason beyond the story. I’m just not getting it.
      Having said, this was a fun one. I like the way these two played off each other. The big band era of the club was well done. The plot twist just hit very well. Good one, Matt.

      1. Matthew Avatar
        Matthew

        it’s because she needed to see his teeth of course 🙂 It can be hard to get a good look inconspicuously

  29. GJFuller Avatar
    GJFuller

    Most Valued Treasure
    By Giovanna J. Fuller

    A woman, young and fair, sat upon a throne next to the king who had taken her as his wife. Since the morning their engagement was announced to the kingdom, she had not smiled. No light danced in her eyes and her mouth was a hard thin line. After the wedding, the king begged on bended knee to once more see the smile that had so stolen his heart.

    She would not answer, so her handmaiden told the king “A wicked wizard stole her smile. He wished to have her smile for himself and when she would not give it freely, he took what he wished by the threat of his power.”

    The king wept bitter tears. The best doctors in the land tended to her. They said that she could smile again, if given a reason. So, the king’s advisors proposed a contest. Whosoever could bring a smile to her face could have the most valuable treasure in his castle. However, if they failed, then the king would have their head placed upon a spike.

    So comedians, jesters and fools from all over the world tried and died in their efforts to make her smile again.

    Now, a man dressed in a coat the color of the night’s sky came to the palace. He bowed low before the two thrones and said, “Your majesty, the reward for her smile is the most valuable treasure in the castle, is this true?”

    “Yes, do you doubt your king’s word? Many have tried before you. When you fail, I’ll enjoy removing your head myself!”

    The man took hold of his hood, “Your majesty, I can make her smile with my face alone.” He threw back his hood, revealing a face as plain as any other.

    “Bah! A foolish boast!”

    However, she smiled.

    The king fell to his knees and wept for joy.

    “And now, my king. I shall take my prize.” The man approached the woman and lifted her into his arms. “The most valuable treasure in your castle!”

    And as he ran off, all could hear the woman’s joyous laughter.

    1. DizzyBackspin Avatar
      DizzyBackspin

      Without even directly saying it, the reader picks up that the Queen and the mystery man have shared history together. It feels like this was a desperate scheme to trick the King plotted by the Queen, the Handmaiden, and the mysterious stranger. This has the feel of a classic fable. Something that would fit right alongside Aesop or Grimm if it had a more in-your-face moral or lesson with the tale. Right now, it’s a fun little story, but I think if it were developed a little more with a moral baked-in it would really shine!

    2. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      Ah, a classic story told wonderfully by an amazing author. I liked how within the first line I could tell what was going on. With so few words you conveyed what the events were going to be and I got to sit back and enjoy it as it all unfolded. And, my, did I enjoy the ride. Very well done, GJ.

    3. Matthew Avatar
      Matthew

      I love love love the story time vibe of this piece! It feels like reading a folktale 😀 I can tell you for sure that I was also smiling at the end of this. the ending hit so well! It kinda reminded me the ending of the Odyssey where Ulysses has to beat all the suitors with his skills. By the happiness of the queen, you definitely get a sense that the queen wasn’t exactly thrilled with her engagement with the king. I kinda felt bad for the king who seemed to only want happiness for his wife, but rereading the end and seeing happy the wife is running away puts away those sympathies lol GREAT STORY 😀

    4. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      GJ, it’s wonderful to see you embracing this fairytale type of writing. You write it so spectacularly. I love that the person to make her smile is the wizard. She was in love with him the whole time, and it is beautiful and so hilarious. Really enjoyed this piece!

    5. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      GJ, this has such a classic folktale vibe about it. I kind of saw the way this would end by the time the time the king offered his “most valuable treasure,” but that’s probably because that’s just how these stories traditionally go. You did a great job of capturing that essence.

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