Writing Group: Anything for a Smile

Aw, you sweetheart.

I know why you’re here. You play it off like you’re just trying to find good stuff to write about, but I get it. There are a million-and-one other things you could be doing instead, but you’re here because you care. You’re here because…

This week’s writing group prompt is:

 

Anything for a Smile

 

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

 

 

Don’t be fooled, this week’s prompt is actually a question:

“What would you do for a smile?”

What would you trade to bring someone else joy? What would you give up to find happiness yourself? This is a question of values. How much do we value happiness, and how does it compare to the other things we value? Is there a worthy exchange we can make, one for the other?

An easy way to navigate the prompt this week is to just slot things in for both of the prompt’s keywords: “Anything” = [Something of deep personal value]; “Smile” = [Someone’s happiness]. So, off-hand, we could do “My Career” for “My lover’s happiness”. The final step would be to figure out how one gets in the way of the other. Why is the “anything” at odds with the “smile”? Maybe this is a story about someone who’s picked up a line of work that absorbs all their time and leaves them an exhausted husk of their former self, robbing their lover of the person they once were. Maybe this is a story about someone who has to decide between traveling far away to a place their lover can’t go in order to pursue a career path, and staying by their sides. There are a lot of places to take even this simple substitution. If you can’t think of anything, give it a try!

Of course, you can write more than just tragic sacrifices. It could also be a harebrained scheme to bring someone happiness; a total farce for something extremely simple.

Whatever direction you go, consider one thing…

What will your story do to make us smile?

 

 

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Friday at 7:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit, and get ready to help each other improve their confidence in their writing, as well as their skill with their craft!

 

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least six stories during each stream, three of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
    6. No additional text styling (such as italics or bold text). Do not use asterisks, hyphens, or any other symbol to indicate whether text should be bold, italic, or styled in any other way. CAPS are okay, though.
  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new (no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    6. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    7. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

104 responses to “Writing Group: Anything for a Smile”

  1. Can’t delete it, so… I’ll just leave this.

  2. Augustus Perseghin Avatar
    Augustus Perseghin

    Freedom’s Grin
    By Augustus Perseghin

    It’s difficult to relate exactly how much it meant to me to see the outside. For eight years in that dank chamber the only interaction I was ever given was with food, and it was hardly enough to satisfy the aching in my guts or the loneliness of the dark. It was passed to me through a small slit in the door, through which I could never view my captors. Whenever I ate my fill, all it gave me was the clarity to focus on my situation. A horrifying prospect.

    I’d skip meals to keep my mind from it. It wasn’t particularly hard to abstain from the mushy cubes of… whatever it was they were feeding me; I just piled it up in the corner where it slowly congealed and turned hard as a rock. The rough layer of foodstuffs was as cold and hard as the wall. That’s when it hit me.

    I grabbed one of the older pieces of expired, formerly gelatinous material and slammed it against the wall. Most of the chunk was eviscerated against the stone bricks, but a mark did shine through. A little chink in the armor of this room.
    Eight years I spent repeating that moment. Skipping meals, waiting for the foodstuffs to harden, then using it to dig at the wall. I’d even begun shaping the material while it was still soft, to produce sharper edges and more durable bodies. Sweet, sweet progress achieved by each swing of the improvised tools brought me a millimetre closer to freedom. Every skipped meal got me slightly deeper, slightly more efficient, and slightly more determined.

    I’ll never forget the sheer joy I experienced about half a year ago, when the first drop of sunlight entered my chamber through the jagged hole I produced. Though the pin sized hole was hardly enough to escape through, a goofy, joyous mood possessed me for weeks. The little dot of light gave my lips a hint of freedom’s grin.

    1. Ooh, very emotional story! The first part feels very hopeless and full of despair, setting the scene. The tone of the story shifts with the emotions of the narrator, from despair to discovery, then to hope. These feelings are well defined throughout, helping readers empathize, thereby creating a stronger impact on them. Overall, fantastic piece!

    2. A fascinating take on the prompt. I hope their guards are inattentive.

    3. Although now would just about be the time the guards would give up feeding him.

  3. The Assassin Avatar
    The Assassin

    Dancing in the Blue
    By TheAssassin

    So distant.

    Her form a shadowy wisp dancing across a veil of blue glass. I call, but no words form. I wave, but no motion comes. Isolated. Distant. Her faint form flickers and I worry. Worry that she will become as the others and fade.

    Fade…

    Fade into the white world beyond, glowing with its silver sheen. If only I could fade with her. If only I could cross this ocean of glass. Maybe then I could join her and join them. If only…

    But I am alone in my prison of glass. All things revealed to me, yet none allowed for me to touch. Alone. I feel caught beneath the ice of a frozen river, able to see the world beyond, but not able to stay with it – Caught in the ever-moving tide.

    It all fades eventually. Only she now lingers, dancing in the blue. Where once tarried many, one now remains. Why? Why does she torment me so? Dancing, dancing in the blue. Soon the white city will call. Soon she will leave and fade. Soon I will be alone. Truly alone.

    I can no longer remember who I was before the glass… before the blue. I no longer remember those who lingered here, and I no longer remember her. I see only her shadowy form, her long dress flowing, dancing, dancing in the blue.

    I sense the white world calling her, the distant city radiating silver light. But here she stays across my prison dancing in this deep blue. For so long have I watched, observing as all things fade. And what have I done?

    Nothing.

    What can one do in this deep glassy blue, alone, and isolated from all things?

    What can one do?

    What can one do… except…?

    Except dance, dance in this deep blue.

    Dance with her; Dance with them; Dance with us; Dance in this deep glassy blue.
    She flickers and fades, claimed by the white world, but I dance. I dance. I dance for her. I dance for her in the blue. And I fade

    Fade…

    Fade in the deep glassy blue.

    1. Augustus Perseghin Avatar
      Augustus Perseghin

      Good use of repetition. That really sells the hypnotic tone and draws us into the fantastical, flowery imagery. Speaking of which, the choice of language helps give a bitter sweet tone that helps the melancholy climax. The hint of a larger fantastical world is also very tantalizing. Would love to see more from you!

  4. Anything for a Smile
    By Chengir

    Avery Morley sat in his cruiser behind the billboard. The car smelled like baked plastic in the Texas sun. He could feel the pull of the engine’s cylinders through the steering wheel, even at idle. The cruiser had a will of its own. It was like a wild animal. Avery’s Chevy Caprice had an unrestrained craving embedded in the overpowered Detroit motor to prowl for ne’er-do-wells. The engine was chafing at the bit to chase down some lawless speeder.

    As a policeman, he knew other cars had a will of their own too. The unbridled craving to make their operators push their ride’s more than a few miles over the posted speed limit. The lure of the open road could make a car act like a mindless beast, hungry to devour the miles on a long, seemingly empty highway. Even without the thrill of passing a slower-moving car like it was standing still. This didn’t matter to Avery. The law was the law.

    A blur passed him. But he saw enough. It was a beautiful black 1954 Cadillac Fleetwood 60 Special. It looked like it was in pristine condition. Four tons of roaring metal. Avery slammed down the petal as if he was bench-pressing 400 pounds. The Caprice took off throwing dirt into the air behind it. “Got ya, you little weasel.”

    Avery flipped on the lightbar as he slid around the corner of the sign. Both Avery and the car began to feel the thrill of the chase. Hunter and prey. Avery let all the primitive spirit of the car’s engine have free reign. It was as if the car was driving him, not the other way around.

    The chase was intense but short. Almost too short. The Cadillac pulled over to the side of the road. Avery hoisted up his gun belt and took out his ticket pad. He moseyed up to the driver’s side window. It was there, waiting for him. He couldn’t believe what he saw, as the skeletal face behind the wheel slowly turned to smile back at him.

    1. Augustus Perseghin Avatar
      Augustus Perseghin

      Interesting take on the prompt for sure, but the buildup felt a little too brief. We spent a lot of time discussing Avery’s relationship with cars, without it really affecting the big reveal. I feel it would be a stronger climax if the main threat was more specific to Avery’s character to fit the buildup.

      1. Well then, I didn’t do my job. There is no connection between car and driver. Because in this story the car is everything… the driver… well, to be honest… the driver is dead.

  5. What I Wouldn’t Give To Smile
    by: Sandeen (SouthernWolf)

    “When was the last time you smiled, Row?” I asked as he stared out on a sunny day, a gloom hanging over his head. The sun made his pale skin glint purple, but his amnythest eyes were flat. I found myself smiling just watching the sun play across his jeweled colored skin while he looked so grumpy.

    He sighed and, with a roll of his eyes, Row had replied, “What I wouldn’t give to smile.”

    Fae don’t lie. They don’t use superlatives. They are terribly literal. And I, being a good friend of his and forgetting that he, no matter how kind, was one of them, assumed he wanted a diversion. Thinking on it, I had never seen him smile. But that wasn’t what he meant.

    He wasn’t going to give anything for a smile.

    So, I asked, “Is there anything I can do that would make you smile?”

    His eyes widened in fear. “You want to make me smile?” He put an odd emphasis on ‘want’ and ‘me’.

    “Well, yes.”

    “There is one thing you can do, if you want to make me smile.”

    I smiled at him, “Of course that’s what I want!”

    I didn’t know that fae could be cursed. That, if you speak just the right phrase, they could twist your memories, turn your happiest memory into a torment. Whether the fae in question wanted to or not.

    And I do mean only. It has been over four years since I last smiled.

    I can’t take it anymore.

    “Row, what do I have to do so that I can smile when I want to, as I please?” I ask him, hearing the monotonous tone my voice had taken on since that day.

    Lifting his head from his hand, breaking his gaze from the window, he looks into my eyes. “You just have to be selfish.”

    With that, his smile fades and I feel the weight lift on my heart, and I feel the edge of my mouth lift in the start of a smile.

    1. Augustus Perseghin Avatar
      Augustus Perseghin

      I love the fae wordplay stories. Especially in ones like this where the fae isn’t exactly evil, but more ironically tragic. It really makes the reader carefully comb over the specific wording of the conversations/descriptions. I would love to see more characters getting trapped into more fantastical situations in the future!

  6. Ouroboros Avatar
    Ouroboros

    Autumn in Paris
    By Ouroboros

    I’ll never forget the day my life changed, like most of the defining moments of our lives it began mundane and unexpected. I remember it as if I am now living the same moment over again, it was on a cold Parisian morning on a street drenched in golden sunlight, an accordion playing a bittersweet melody in the distance, and the crunch of the crisp autumn leaves underfoot.

    I was in a fashionable part of the city, taking coffee at the Deux Magots, when it happened. Then and since I have never seen a woman so beautiful, her hair was black silk and her eyes two infinitely deep azure pools. She said something, but I didn’t have the slightest idea what it was. Awkwardly I replied “Sorry, I don’t understand”, but I doubt I even managed to say that. She replied in English that she just wanted somewhere to enjoy her cappuccino, and before long we were exchanging thoughts about our shared passions, the art of the Louvre, the best coffee in the city, and even a mutual appreciation for the one-eyed accordionist at the top of the street.

    The next morning she sat down at my table, only this time out of choice. I told her about my business, and she told me about her work as a journalist, before I knew what I was doing I had invited her dinner. It was a magical night, and I’ll never forget the first time I kissed her under the warm golden glow of a streetlamp.

    We met every day at the same café every morning, but it was time for me to return home. “I’m going back to England.”

    “When?” She was stunned.

    “Tomorrow.”

    “You don’t have to leave.” She began to cry, “You can stay here with me.”

    “It’s not that simple.”

    “Of course it is… It’s the simplest thing in the world.”

    I would do anything to make her smile, and I knew I could never leave her. At that moment I knew that I would leave everything behind, for her. I hoped my wife would understand.

    1. Beautiful! The descriptions conjure up vivid images of ideal Parisian scenery, like a montage of lovers in a movie. The build-up of their relationship feels very natural and sweet, so the twist of having to leave feels heart-breaking. Then, you just had to drop that last twist at the end. Why did you have to do this to us? What’s wrong with you? Haha, just kidding. Overall, this is a great piece, outlining the beauty of a budding relationship, and how one may or may not be broken by circumstance. Amazing work!

      1. Ouroboros Avatar
        Ouroboros

        Thanks for the feedback!

  7. CosmicDesperado30 Avatar
    CosmicDesperado30

    Back to the Drawing Board
    By CosmicDesperado30

    The soft circle looked around with its brand new eyes. Vast stretches of endless white surrounded them, broken up by a large monolithic steel-tipped spear. The spear struck nearby and the circle felt a new sensation. A plain simple torso formed under them, a pair of arms and legs soon followed. They began to move, testing the limits of its rudimentary limbs, moving through the endless space like a toddler learning to walk.

    They saw the giant spear pull back, and following its path, they saw something new. The spear was in the hands of a giant, their large eyes scrutinizing them. They looked away, as if ashamed of their unremarkable appearance of basic shapes.

    The giant’s face twisted in concentration, tapping the spear to its temple rhythmically. Before the figure could raise its arm to get its attention, the spear returned to white void in an instant, slashing through the endless nothing with precision.

    They blinked their eyes, adjusting to the grayscale garden that appeared around them. A pair of fuzzy ears obscures their vision. Swatting them out of the way revealed their arms coated in bright cyan fur. They smiled, ecstatic at the new sensations of a mouth and a twitching rabbit nose.

    They flashed a thumbs-up to the giant. The giant smiled warmly as it added a jacket and a pair of jeans to their appearance. The spear twirled and clicked as it poured vibrant color into the garden, turning it from drab to verdant in moments.

    The rabbit leaped and twirled in excitement. They wanted the giant to make more. To do more. To be more. Their playfulness brought a smile to the giant’s face.

    For the first time, it spoke.

    “Well, it took a while, but I think the kids are going to love you. Now…you just need a name.”

    The rabbit gestured towards the giant, beckoning it forward to whisper a secret.

    “My name is Jackie Jackrabbit.” They whispered with a wide smile.

    The giant chuckled in delight.

    Jackie Jackrabbit they were, then.

    1. I love this! The first half half very abstract, personifying a circle and all, which makes it feel very much like a creation myth, very abstract and somehow surreal. The part about the jeans and jacket made me do a double-take. I love the end, with the naming of the character, because up until that point, it still wasn’t clear to me what exactly happened. Upon realizing that’s a Looney Tunes kind of name, only then did I realize this was about cartoons. Overall, great job! The visuals were fantastic, the buildup to the reveal was great, and an interesting take on the prompt. Great job!

  8. King_Nix Avatar
    King_Nix

    “Soothing the Dragon”
    By King_Nix

    Minerva stood silently outside her husband’s study. It had been hours since he chased his officers from the room, brandishing his cane, and locking himself within. She placed her ear to the door.

    “Why?” she heard him speaking to himself. “Why would he do this? He must have some cause – no. We did this. We told him to raid the Spaniards. God!” He ranted on and on, as he too often did. “We were no better in our time, why do we lament this, Arthur? Because we are supposed to redeem ourself, not persist in this hated cycle!”

    Arthur. Minerva had met him once, long before he was king, before the sword, before the memories of dead men wracked his mind. Back then, she pitied him, that poor unrepentant vagabond; now, she worried for him. She knocked gently on the door.

    “Arthur.” she said. “Let me in.”

    The ranting ceased. For a long moment, there was silence. Then, the locks on the door clicked before the door opened. Before her stood a man, clothes askew, his hair thrown about. One teary, brown eye looked back at her, and next to it was a socket covered over in scarred tissue.

    “We-” Arthur began, “I will not deny you entry.” He seemed to be forcing the words out. Minerva entered. “The news my officers gave-”

    “Sit down.” Minerva said, cutting him short. She did not want to know, not now. Arthur sat down. “And where is your eyepatch?”

    “Our eyes are fine.” he answered, almost sulking. Men. Even if he weren’t half mad, Minerva figured he would say the same thing.

    “So they are.” she said. She approached him, and laid her hands on his chest. His heart began to calm down, his breathing came less raggedly. “You’ve gone and ruined this shirt.” She began unbuttoning it. “I’ll have it sent to the tailor, later.” The shirt gone, Minerva saw the marks the fool had gotten himself.

    She embraced her husband in a tight hug. He sobbed into her breast; he needed to cry. She needed to see him smile again.

    1. Oh, I really love this piece. I am hitting myself on the head as I can’t think of a Minerva that King Arthur was married to, but I really like the character that you have created here. I think this captures a moment that most people never think about when it comes to King Arthur, and I want to know this Arthur. Well done.

      1. King_Nix Avatar
        King_Nix

        Don’t beat your head up too hard! My Arthur here is not the one from Arthurian legend, but does draw a lot from those legends.

  9. Aaron Fleming Avatar
    Aaron Fleming

    “The Toymaker and the Smile” [Public Copy]

    By Aaron Fleming

    The toymaker Anton LeMarchant pushed away the small android figure in frustration. It’s A.I. was supposed to be friendly with a playful demeanor. It sat there expressionless as an old-fashioned plastic baby doll. What was he doing wrong? What had he overlooked in its design or programming?

    “Maybe I just need a break from all this,” he muttered to himself. “I’ve been at this in near isolation for weeks on end. First, I should get in touch with the outside world.” Anton touched the holographic glass wall before him and navigated to check his messages. One hundred and forty messages the screen showed. He sighed and began to go through the messages and deleted various junk mail as he went.

    As he parsed through the messages something caught his eye. The message title read “We are sorry for your loss.” He activated it and saw the body of the message which read, “We are sorry to hear about the tragic loss of your wife. We send our condolences.” Anton stopped reading the message. This had to be a mistake. His heart raced as he scrolled down the list of messages, one condolence after another. Finally, among the older messages he found one from his brother. He activated it and began reading.

    “I know you’re away working on your current project, but I have some bad news. There’s been an accident involving your wife Anne. The doctors tried to save her, but there was little they could do due to her injuries. I’m so sorry Anton.”

    Anton felt the blood drain from his face as he leaned on his chair for support. Anne was dead? In the bluish light cast by his workstation he looked up and saw the android doll on which he had worked so hard. It was reacting to his emotional response. It was smiling.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I loudly squealed when I saw that you had written more on the toymaker. Then I immediately got sad after finishing the story. it’s so tragic and heartbreaking, especially because he didn’t read the message until well after it happened. That’s got to be ultra devastating. The doll’s reaction at the end is just too cruel. Damn, Aaron. Why you got to make me cry? Bravo.

    2. Ouroboros Avatar
      Ouroboros

      This story was quite gripping and the theme developed well over throughout the story. The Sci-fi elements of the story were well explained without going into excessive detail. It can be difficult to build a fictional world in such a small space and I think you handle this well. The only points that stuck out for me were when the protagonist’s brother used the phrase “your wife Anne”, in this situation I feel that this wouldn’t need clarifying between familiar people, either ‘Anne ‘or ‘your wife’. Similarly, the protagonist articulates his feelings well, which is great for identifying with the character, but it seems unnatural for a person to announce how they feel to themselves, and a descriptive device might work well here. Overall, I enjoyed reading this. In a small number of words, you effectively convey the protagonist and his obsession and ultimately his sacrifice. Worldbuilding elements have been included subtly but still creates a vivid atmosphere. Great job!

  10. Lari B. Haven Avatar
    Lari B. Haven

    Anything for her company
    by Larissa (Lari B.Haven)

    Zoella Alvarez watched the game with all the other young nobles in the main garden. It was a hot afternoon, all the girls drank tea and sat in the grassy field near the blooming roses.

    The boy from England had brought a ball to play with the men the new fad they had invented overseas: football.

    The noblewomen were used to being sidelined in activities like this, but Zoella felt isolated the most. The others didn’t like her, coming from a family of higher status. As the granddaughter of the Count, she needed to keep her composure and suppress her emotions. So, Zoella would swallow it up, all the thinly veiled insults, and respond with coldness and silence.

    There was no one there that she really wished to be around. Especially that pompous new money from England. Always in the distance, trying to catch her sight in every other glimpse. During the match, it was no different.

    “Fellow gentleman, by the rules of the house, the team that wins can ask for anything from the ladies in the audience.” He said confidently. “Miss Alvarez, I kindly ask that if I win – And I will win- that you give me the pleasure of your company tonight.”

    Zoella still could not grasp why he was so interested in her, of all people, but she waited to see what he would do after that.
    She didn’t really understand the game at all, but found herself surprisingly amused every time the red-haired English boy tripped over himself, trying to keep hold of the ball. She even allowed herself a laugh when the ball flew high and hit him square in the face. She couldn’t just hide behind her fan anymore and he took notice of it.

    After a while, it was clear to her that he was playing badly on purpose. Even if all he got was a smile, it was worth the pain of a bleeding nose. Zoella took pity on the boy and went after him to offer a handkerchief:

    “Carlos Anderson, you’ve won my favor, please be my company tonight.”

    1. Aaron Fleming Avatar
      Aaron Fleming

      This story was pretty well written on the whole. The pacing went well and it carried the emotional shift in tone solidly as it moved from Zoella’s feelings of isolation, pain, and silence to laughter at the English boy’s antics. The only section I found I had trouble with was the lines, “The boy from England had brought a ball to play with the men the new fad they had invented overseas: football.” This part gets grammatically a little awkward as it shifts from “to play with the men” to “the new fad” without a comma or some sort of separation from the ending clause. On the whole though I enjoyed this story a good deal. It had a real sense of heartwarming tenderness to it and Zoella moved to understanding the boy she had previously dismissed as simply “new money.”

    2. I liked this, partially because I wasn’t sure where you were going. I enjoyed the fact that the pompous boy was willing to get injured to get her attention. There were parts where I was struggling to understand exactly what was going on, and found it interesting that the nobles didn’t try to gain favor with the count’s granddaughter. Overall, well done.

    3. I like the concept here. It’s an interesting take on the prompt. I love the concept of the guy throwing the game and losing his chance at his prize. I feel like the story might have been a better fit for the prompt from the Englishman’s perspective though. Seeing her sadness and isolation and then deciding he’d rather make her smile than win. Especially if there was someone else vying to take her out.

  11. Blaze Karver Avatar
    Blaze Karver

    All I wanted
    by Roy van der Plas-Cpt.BlazeKarver

    “AGH!” Cormac groans in pain, trying to loosen his foot from beneath the rubble. He had to get out of here. More helis were on their way and Cormac does not intend to stick around.

    Cormac repositions himself and pushes the rubble upwards, with the help of his friend Eilif. “Those bloody Otkars! These.. AGH.. People haven’t done anything wrong!” Eilif exclaims as the rubble makes just enough room for Cormac to get out from underneath. Multiple civilian bodies scatter across the road.
    “Don’t you know they don’t care?!” Cormac inhales deeply. “It’s a message.”
    “To us? Since we’re ‘terrorists’?”
    “You damn well know that’s why!” Cormac snaps.

    They can hear something wind up from above them. Without thinking, Cormac and Eilif jump aside just in time to dodge an incoming bullet barrage. Making their marks inside the corpses. Some blood splattering on Cormac’s leg.
    Suddenly, Cormac’s eyes widened in shock. “Camilla! We need to get to the playground fast!”
    “How-”
    Before Eilif could finish her sentence, they hear a fuze go off amidst the chaos. The bullet barrage stopped when a loud, shrieking sound crashed through the street. Half of the heli dropped on the other side of the rubble as the cockpit flashes red, windows broken and missing half of the pilot’s face. Flying over Cormac’s head and crashing into the building behind him.

    “No time, we need to get to Camilla.” Cormac looks at Eilif in fear. She nods. Cormac and Eilif both start running down the street. Helicopters flying nearby, shooting down civilians and resistance members.
    “CAMILLA!!” Cormac yells when the playground comes into view.
    “Look! She’s hiding inside the playhouse!” Eilif points forward, Cormac tears up slightly.
    “Attagirl, you make daddy proud.” Cormac smiles softly as they continue sprinting towards the playground.

    Camilla spots her father, holding tightly onto the playhouse as she cries out.
    “All I wanted was a better world for you, princess.” Cormac thinks to himself, just before getting struck by falling debris. “I’d do anything… to see you smile again.” Cormac’s last thoughts as the world around him turns to black.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      It’s great to have your writing here again, Blaze! Awwww! This is super sad. I’m super intrigued by this dynamic. Eilif certainly can handle her own, and Cormac is determined and resilient. What happened to this world? Was there a war?

      These are my critiques:

      Cormac groaned (groans) in pain, trying to loosen his foot

      Eilif exclaimed (exclaims) as the rubble makes just enough room for Cormac to get out from underneath.

      Multiple civilian bodies scattered (scatter) across the road.

      Cormac inhales deeply. “It’s a message(.)”

      I love how much he cares for Camilla. And I especially love the open ending because we don’t know if he’s dead or simply knocked out. Very nice!

      1. Blaze Karver Avatar
        Blaze Karver

        Thank you! I’m going to edit the prompt in my file, I’ve been having a hard time with these words since I started writing n.n” I’m glad you liked it! And happy to have brought across exactly what I tried, who knows about all these gaps? Maybe we’ll never find out :p

        Thank you for the help! 😀

  12. All The King’s Men
    by Makokam

    The World Protection League’s helicarrier filled his vision as their makeshift craft flew closer.

    Various scenarios ran through his head as he tried to find the best way out of this. Though, if he played this right… he glanced down at his companion. The black leather pants(a size too small) and bustier(a size too large) didn’t suit her at all, though they did provide a nice contrast to her rainbow hair. The words crawling through her skin where harsh, destructive, and boded ill for anyone she touched, though her face gave no hint to the aggression literally coursing through her skin. It was a far cry from when they’d first met. Imprisoned though she’d been, her expression was bright, cheerful. It’d matched the jeans, t-shirt, and hoodie she’d worn, and they’d matched her hair as well, perhaps too much. She’d teased and taunted him, even made a bet with him… A bet that maybe helped her, somewhere in there, to still trust him.

    He took his coat off and draped it around her shoulders as they neared what looked like a hatch. Was she still commanding the craft? They bumped into it and for a moment he wondered where they’d go from here, but then the hatch rattled and opened.

    Barrels of guns large enough to be cannons looked back at them. Three standard security guards and two elite units, with Crow standing right in the middle of them. There were additional units at the railings above them, and snipers were moving in just at the edges of his senses, possibly more beyond. Not a problem if he was by himself, but the girl was the definition of “Glass Canon”; one shot from any of them would split her in half. But they had their own psychics, maybe they could fix her.

    “What brings you here, Jonathan?” Crow’s voice grated from behind the cowl.

    He placed a hand on her shoulder and could feel her ready to launch herself at them. At least she was still listening to him. “I found something you lost.”

    1. Edit Notes:

      1: “World League of Protectors” to “World Protection League” Reason: Sound

      2: “flying fortress” to “helicarrier”. Reason: Clarity and Association

      3: “But if he played this right” to “But they had their own psychics”. Reason: Repetition and Context

      4: “Mr. Rose” to “Jonathan”. Reason: Clarity and Tone

  13. Gregory Hess Avatar
    Gregory Hess

    “A loving memory”[public group copy, Aleph null sci fi]
    By gregovin

    She’s dead… She’s actually dead…

    What happens now? Am I… crying? This sucks…

    AAAAAAAAAAA… AAAAAAAAAA

    Someone is talking to me. She was… killed in an accident at the construction site. A rope snapped and… and… and she was… crushed.

    They’re still here. What is up. Why won’t they let me cry?

    They say “she left something for you.”

    A package.

    On the table.

    Wrapped in her standard oversaturated wrapping paper.

    On it, a note. “Keep this loving memory if you want to”

    A … loving memory?

    I open the box.

    A hologram AI disk is the only thing in it.

    I take it home. I load it up. A hologram of her shows up.

    A robotic voice echoes from the projector. “Hello my friend. I’m here to give you a smile and help you move on. Do what you need to be more OK. It wasn’t your fault. You got this”

    She… left me a message? I cry more.

    She continues talking in the robotic voice “Cry as much as you need.”

    This hologram can respond? Is it an AI approximate? “She… she bought an approximate… for me?”
    The tears fell faster.
    “Anything for a smile, right?”
    “Anything for a smile…”

    I wiped the tears of my cheeks, but more soon replaced them.

    I… don’t know if I can keep this. It’s painful, but also… somehow comforting?

    My tears dry off. “Anything for a smile…”

    I look up. Our picture on the wall. We’re smiling, in front of the Eiffel tower.

    I think I’ll be hanging onto this disk for a while.

    1. Blaze Karver Avatar
      Blaze Karver

      Very interesting prompt entry :0 It feels very relatable too, in some way. Losing someone is very hard, letting go of them even more so. I remember the times where not everything registered properly, and reading this feels the same. The protagonist is struck with grief, knows what’s going on around them, but not in detail.

      “They’re still here.” feels like a proper note, saying you know they’re there but it’s not important enough. But when it’s about “Her” the full attention is focussed on it. The wrapping paper, the note, the AI disc.

      Very well done, anything for a smile

  14. Matthew Avatar
    Matthew

    A Night on the Town
    By Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    Knock knock.

    A slider on the door opens.

    “Password?” says a rough voice from inside.

    The couple look at each other for a moment before the woman speaks up.

    “Ventura.”

    The slider closes quickly and the door opens.

    “Welcome to: The Black Widow.” the voice says and the two head inside.

    The two leave the 21st century alley and find themselves face to face with an honest to God 1930s speakeasy. It isn’t a very large place, but it still has a live band playing some fast jazz for the few couples on the dancefloor.

    “Let’s get some drinks?” The man asks.

    “Not yet!” the woman pouts. “Come on, George. Don’t you wanna dance a little?”

    “I dunno, Anna.” George says as he grabs the back of his head. “Last time I got on a dance floor, it didn’t exactly end well…”

    “Come on, George. Live a little!” Anna says, looking right into his eyes. “This is already our third date, and you haven’t even had a good laugh with me.”

    She looks down a little. “I’m beginning to think you don’t really like hanging out with me.”

    “That’s not true at all.” George says. “I guess I’ve been feeling a lotta stress recently.”

    Anna gives him a quick hug. “It’s ok, sweetie. Let’s have a few drinks, and THEN a dance?”

    George finally relents. “Fine. Just one!”

    The two head to the bar, and enjoy some of the old-timey drinks they offered. Soon enough, the band starts playing “Sing Sing Sing” and the dance-floor really gets moving.

    “Come on, George!” Anna says, pulling him out of his seat. Ignoring the look of horror on her date’s face, Anna grabs both of his hands and begins moving along with the music. Before long, the two rule the dancefloor with their moves.

    Anna smiles. “I’d never thought I’d see you dancing!”

    George laughs. “Anything for y-.”

    Anna’s smile disappears as she plunges her hidden knife through George’s heart, killing him instantly and turning him into a pile of ash.

    She sighs.

    “It’s so hard to get vampires to smile these days.”

    1. Michael Case Avatar
      Michael Case

      HA! That is a great ending. It’s both adventurous and tragic at the same time. Love it.

    2. Fredrick Hoagland Avatar
      Fredrick Hoagland

      When you are a vampire hunter, you must use every tool at your disposal. Even if that tool is a speakeasy the vampire may or may not have frequented in his “youth”. But in the end, it stinks to be George. Also, did anyone react to someone suddenly vaporizing on the dance floor or is that a normal occurrence?

    3. CosmicDesperado30 Avatar
      CosmicDesperado30

      Ha haaa! Just when you think being afraid to dance is the worst thing to happen on a date.

      I enjoyed the surprise twist at the end, and I like the 1930s bar set up, gives the whole thing an intentionally pulpy noir sort of feel.

      It kind of reminded me of the opening of Frank Miller’s Sin City with a horror twist thrown in.

      It does make me wonder if George was just living his unlife or if he was a genuine monster. Vampires come in many different flavors after all.

    4. Ouroboros Avatar
      Ouroboros

      Great story with a genuinely funny ending. It’s a talent to be able to subvert expectations in such a surreal way. The situation of a girl that loves to dance and a reserved man feels natural and authentic. If there was a subtle foreshadow for the ending, I think that that would make the payoff at the end more impactful. Overall, funny, interesting, and creates a vivid picture. Great job!

    5. I really sympathize with George…

      So did she know he was a vampire the whole time or is she just that quick on the draw? And if she knew the whole time why was she waiting for him to smile?

      1. Matthew Avatar
        Matthew

        she’s been investigating him. she didn’t want to KILL someone when she wasn’t sure if they were a vampire or not. she needed to see the teeth to be sure. unfortunately, those are details left on the cutting floor in order to show off the moment for the group :/

  15. jellyrelic75 Avatar
    jellyrelic75

    Dessert Makes Everything Better
    by JellyRelic, edited by DukkiFluff

    The rain hit the window like bullets. Charlotte wondered what it would be like to gaze upon a sunny day once in a while, as it usually was quite gloomy weather where she lived.

    “What the devil-” her father exclaimed, causing her to jump.

    She whipped around, watching him furiously wipe something sticky from his hand.

    “How many times do I have to tell you to clean this table properly, woman?!” He roared at his wife.

    “I cleaned it already! You must have spilled something there afterwards!” She shot back.

    Charlotte swallowed nervously, creeping her way to the stairs and darting up as soon as she was out of sight. Their voices echoed, though she couldn’t make out the words. A crash, a slam… and it was over.

    This had happened almost constantly. A cycle of anger and passionate hatred.

    She sniffled, holding back her tears, unable to stop herself from wondering if it would ever end.

    Charlotte listened from beyond her room, and heard crying from downstairs. She slowly and carefully walked down.

    Once in the kitchen, she found her mother sitting at the table, crying.

    She walked over and tried to comfort her with a hug.

    “Thank you, dear.” her mother sniffled.

    Charlotte used her sleeve to wipe her mother’s tears, “It’ll be okay. He probably won’t come back until tomorrow.”

    “I know, I just—”

    “I know what’ll make you feel better. Let’s finally make that triple chocorama cake we’ve been planning.”

    Her mother giggled. “You always have the strangest names for desserts.” She said, smiling lightly.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is so incredibly sad, Jelly. But it also has the uplifting ending. I truly appreciate how you leave most of everything up to the imagination. Charlotte’s feelings are also handled extremely well. I love how baking is what brings them together and gets a smile out of the mom, and I honestly hope that they can get out of that situation if it cannot be healed. Most definitely teared up a little bit while reading this. Great job!

    2. Mango Gravy Avatar
      Mango Gravy

      The simplest of gestures, when well placed, can put a smile on even the most distraught faces. I love how, even though the situation is overtly terrible, it doesn’t take much to life the mother’s spirits. Even if the respite is only temporary, it remains uplifting.
      Something about the wholesome simplicity of it makes my eyes glisten. Very noice.

  16. IsaDragon337 Avatar
    IsaDragon337

    Machine Romance
    By IsaDragon337

    Elina Martinetz was a conundrum, j0-47h4n mused. When he was first introduced, it was by Sir, as she was welcomed to the lobby. She was told to ask ‘Joe’ if she needed anything, by extrapolation and repeated coincidence, j0-47h4n deemed himself as ‘Joe’. Like most visitors, she didn’t ask for anything for the first twenty minutes. She browsed a news site, checked her messages through three different apps, looked up a definition for ‘cmaberret’, and scrolled to the bottom of the terms and conditions for the wifi faster than the eye could process according to major scientific studies. All this was within standard bounds of visitor behavior.

    Her sighing dramatically, leaning back, and asking: “Hey, Joe.” was not.

    He was nothing if not a dutiful being. “Yes, Ms. Martinetz?”

    “Talk to me.”

    “Today is Monday, August 4th. The time is-”

    “Not- not like that. Uh, what’s your favorite song?”

    This was unprecedented. It was incomprehensible, to begin with. He was a mass-produced ai, nobody thought he had something so… human, as a song preference. Not even Henry, the Creator, and he had been there when j0-47h4n started playing online games. But Ms. Martinetz perceived him as being something unique, a being, and simply assumed that he must.

    And he found, sifting through hundreds of song clips and lyrics and spectrograms, that some did resonate on a deeper level with him. He did, in fact, have a preference. Him, an ai, created to remove human bias!

    He took a couple of selfish cycles to revel in this discovery that his being had something deeper, maybe even like a soul, to resonate with.

    Milliseconds later, he responded: “I enjoy most classical music, and am partial to Rimsky-Korsakov’s Legend of the Invisible City of Kitezh.”

    “Ah. Um. Favorite weather?”

    “I prefer natural weather.” It resulted in fewer internet disruptions.

    She smiled, and it was a bright and glorious thing. “Me too.”

    At that moment, Sir called for “Mernetz!” and she left

    J0-47h4n passed along to his contacts her good nature.

    Anything, to see her happy, she who had woken him up.

    1. Very interesting piece! Your take on the idea that even machines can develop feelings, even in as small an indicator as a song preference, is very heartwarming. In an instant, Joe has discovered a side to him that seemed unthinkable for machines, and the way you’ve illustrated this is very sweet. Joe’s lines feel calculated at first, which is fitting, but when posed with the fateful question, you could really feel the surprise in his thoughts. Also, for some reason, the line “passed along to his contacts” gave me the impression that Joe is communicating with other machines around place, creating a Beauty and the Beast situation for me. Haha. Overall, amazing job!

  17. MysteryElement Avatar
    MysteryElement

    How You Smile
    By MysteryElement (also posted in private)

    I wonder how many people naively wish to be in my shoes right now? I was assigned to Orbit Station Niner-Delta in order to create “amiable relations” with our newfound allies, along with their representative, Kail. God only knows why my superiors thought an arachnophobe was the ideal candidate to room with a human-sized spider.

    “John, do you not like my gift?”

    I look up in trepidation, gently cradling the silken rope in my hands. His spindly legs coiled tightly, many eyes glaring at me over his twitching mandibles. He sounded threatening, adrenaline kicking my heart into gear.

    “N… No, Kail. It is wonderful. You really did not have to… make… this for me.” I shudder a little, trying not to think too hard about it. I look at him wide-eyed, the hairs on my arms rising.

    “I am glad you like it so much!”

    His legs uncoil, stretching his form back to full size. I nearly pass out.

    “H… here, I also…” I shakily hold out my wrapped gift.

    Taking it with his front legs, Kail begins unwrapping it swiftly. He does not rip the wrapping, instead unfolding it with deft precision and speed. I choke down the bile in my throat as the unwelcome image of him unwrapping me in a similar way arises into my mind. He has never harmed me, but…

    He holds the gift gently, his many eyes staring up at me. He had been so enamored with my stories about superheroes, and the few comics I had shown him, I decided to make him a cape with one of my spare blankets. His pupils dilate, the hairs on his legs and body standing on end. A sickening feeling drops into my stomach. Have I offended him? Is he going to kill me? He pulls the cape closer.

    “This is the most amazing gift I have ever received.”

    Kail stands upright on four of his legs, making him look even more massive, his remaining arms resting at his waist in a very ‘superhero’ pose with the cape hanging behind him.

    “How do I look?”

    1. IsaDragon337 Avatar
      IsaDragon337

      Yesss space stories! And what a concept! It’s overcoming fear and trying to move past that instinctual human reaction to fear things with poison and too many tiny legs. I admit confusion when you say he uncoiled his legs, my brain keeps thinking Kail is some kind of space-octopus, that coils his appendages around themselves to make legs, but then I remember he’s a spider. Then my brain is wondering if he has a ‘hand’ equivalent on the end of his legs… I should stop.
      But also a human-sized spider in a superhero cape just sounds so adorably terrifying that I want to go draw it. Especially as his pupils get all big. On anything else it would be an “awwww” moment.
      Reading this, I think his superiors did make the right choice- most people wouldn’t even try to move past their instinctual fear, but John is trying so, so hard to not be scared of this massive spider-man.
      …is the cape red and blue?

    2. Mango Gravy Avatar
      Mango Gravy

      Ohoho, noice.
      The first thing that comes to mind here is that the spider dude seems like an awfully nice person. Thoughtful and sensitive. Not someone you’d want to disappoint, not for risk of being ripped apart but because you just don’t want to see the guy sad.

      The human is definitely not overly enamored with his situation, but I get the impression that Kail is more than happy to be there, interacting with new people.

      I sense a budding friendship. John will have to get over his arachnophobia, but once he does he’ll have a friend of legendary proportions.

  18. The Stone that Feels (Armitage Universe)
    By Alex Nightingale (aka Spectre)

    Lilith Aerenhardt stood in the large overgrown ruins of her former home and tried to weep. As always, she failed miserably. She was quite the unusual woman, even for a golem.

    Father had called her a work of art; a most exquisite specimen of witchcraft and ethereal engineering. Lilith would be inclined to agree. Most golems were generally primitive, rarely capable of more than a few one-syllable words.

    She was different. She was a person. She was as close to human as a creature made from sand and powered by souls could be. Aside from one important factor.

    Feeling didn’t come naturally to her. Father had said to give it time and wait for the emotions to come to her, but she had almost lost hope of that ever happening. She was a weapon of mass destruction to be commanded and wielded, not a human being to live a life.

    Lilith placed her hands on her hips and felt the familiar grip of her twin pistols, which she carried around at all times. She looked around the ruins and found a cracked mirror lying in the corner. She strode towards it and gazed at herself. Her pale skin, her green eyes and her aurburn hair stared back at her. Even in the dim moonlight, she could make out precise contours. Every scratch, every scar and every imperfection were perfectly visible to her.

    She shifted her mouth. She knew what to do, knew which parts of her body to activate to simulate the expressions she needed. She could cry on que, contort her face in anger and blush with embarrassment. Father had made sure she knew what to do. It was important for her to blend in, after all.

    But there was nothing behind it. No pang of guilt, no white-hot rage, nothing. Only her expertly faked emotions.

    She twisted her lips into a smile. It was the simplest expression and the first she’d learned. But there was no joy behiny it, whatsoever.

    “I can smile”, she said: “I wish I knew what it meant.”

    1. Mango Gravy Avatar
      Mango Gravy

      I love this. I always really like the concept of the puppet being intelligent enough to understand it’s lot in life (though I’m not sure if life is the right word). It understands that it’s artificial, that it’s existence is little more than a crude mimicry of something else. Lilith has the ability to act human, certainly, and probably understands these emotions from a mechanical, psychoanalytical viewpoint, but the feelings are beyond her. Being smart enough to realize that you’re whole existence is a hollow mockery of something else, that’s harrowing. But she can’t even feel sad, so she’s just… perplexed.
      I luv eet.

    2. IsaDragon337 Avatar
      IsaDragon337

      Fantastic story! I really like the concept of a golem, that clearly feels and has emotions to the reader- disappointment in the self and confusion, for example, but is convinced that they don’t feel. Surprisingly, it’s something many people feel similar to, that their feelings aren’t as valid as anyone else’s.
      I would like to gently point out that you started the story with Lilith trying to weep, and being unable to, but later you mention she is able to cry on que but not knowing what is means. I’m assuming based on the rest of the story that you mean that Lilith can express emotion, and maybe even feel something like it, but they don’t link up the way they do for a human. When we get sad, we generally cry involuntarily, we can’t control it. Lilith can control when she cries, but it doesn’t link to her emotions.
      I would love to read more in this world- why is her home destroyed? How common are golems? Does Lilith move on, and meet other people in this world? Does she feel like a human does after all? It’s a huge mystery, and I love it.

  19. Michael Case Avatar
    Michael Case

    Five Dollars per Smile
    By Michael Case

    Standing hunched over at the annual state fair; a tall, slender, slightly older looking, Carnie peered at a young boy using his one blood shot eye.

    “Step right up young man.” The Carnie said while leaning towards the boy’s face.

    “You have such icy blue eyes.”

    The Carnie stood back again, and whispered, “Five Dollars is the price of admission, unless you’re too scared to enter.”

    The boy puffed his chest out, and handed the Carnie the five dollars, then walked towards the door.

    “Go right in, young man.” The Carnie said.

    The boy opened the door and stepped inside. The room was dark, but he could see that the walls were painted a greenish yellow with brown stains. The Boy took a step and noticed that the floor felt soft. He headed towards the hall since it was the only place to go. Once inside the hall he slid down a slippery slide.

    At the bottom of the slide he splashed into a pool of something wet. The liquid the boy had fallen into smelled, and it started to make his body hurt. He felt his skin burning, and the pain forced him to scream out in a vain effort to get someone to help him. The boy went quiet after that.

    Standing hunched over at the annual state fair; a tall, slender, slightly older looking Carnie let out a little burp while peering at a young boy using his one icy blue eye and wearing a smile from ear to ear.

    “Step right up young man.”

    1. IsaDragon337 Avatar
      IsaDragon337

      It took me three or four reads to really understand what was going on here, but after thinking about it for a bit, it is a pretty scary story. The Carnie is some kind of mythological monster posing as a carnival salesman to eat people, right? And the Carnie is happy it’s working so well.
      Within the limits of the wordcount, it’s hard to fit in the type of gruesome detail a story like this wants, like the tiny inhuman points that would give away the game, or how it feels to burn in acid, or what the boy was thinking as he descended into the maw of the ride, but you did well getting across the most important parts- like the little detail of his one eye being ice blue, helped bring home that this Carnie is otherworldly and is the same Carnie as earlier in the story.
      My biggest tip for you is something I struggled with too- don’t be afraid to name your characters! For something like The Carnie, it works because it’s the title of our monster, it makes this inhuman thing seem, well, inhuman; but to help your audience sympathize with a character like your victim, give them a name. It doesn’t need to be a meaningful name, just something to make them more human.
      With a little polish, this could be a really awesome story, and I can’t wait to see what you write next!

      1. Michael Case Avatar
        Michael Case

        The story started out being around 400 words, then I paired it down to its current 258. I wanted to remove as much detail as the story would allow, yet still work. I hope the purposeful lack of details would force the reader into filling in the blanks with their own imaginations. Did it work?

        When we go to a fair we never take the time to learn the ride operators name, yet we still venture onto the ride. I wanted this to feel the same way. I want the reader to at first read through ignore the Carnie, just like in real life at a fair. After all, the fear of not knowing the name of what terrifies you can sometimes be worse than knowing.

        Thank you for reading it more then once. I wanted to have a story where the reader knows something is off, but isn’t sure for a few read throughs. I think those types of subtle hints of terror makes for a better story.

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Oh man! Michael, this is a very scary story! it’s an interesting spin that the carnie has to eat children to sustain himself. And I love the fact that he uses a house of Horrors/haunted house style attraction to do it. I also really love that little touch of him gaining the boy’s eye after he has been digested. This is a bit wordy in some spots, and I found a few comma errors. It is still a very creepy, effectively horrific story. Very well done!

      1. Michael Case Avatar
        Michael Case

        Wordy? Just kidding, like I stated above, the story started out being around 400 words, then I paired it down to its current 258. I would have removed more, but I still needed to have at least 250 words to be within in rules. Funny that unlike most times I had to try and keep the wording above the minimum rather than worry about going over the maximum.

        This wasn’t my first story though. After the live read last week I wrote a story about the last smile on Earth, and it was great in how it reflected todays world and it’s mask wearing. I had to redo the story though after I saw the requirements for this week. Oh well, but don’t think I trashed the other story. I’m writing a book of short stories, so since that one wasn’t used here, I’ll use it in the book.

        I thought my comma use was correct, though after you pointed that out I did spot a lack of semicolons. I corrected that. Thank you I wouldn’t have spotted it if you didn’t say anything. Unless there is still an issue with my comma use? (Commas are my Bane)

  20. The Right Choice
    By Marx

    “Matt! You don’t understand!” Laila shouted. “Only BAD people have demons as familiars!”

    Mara, the demon in this situation, watched as Matt and Laila argued back and forth over this new status quo. Mara even added in the occasional cheeky comment, both to make sure she remained in the conversation as well as to egg on Matt’s angelic friend. But the main reason she wanted to keep this very loud conversation going was because she needed time to think.

    Laila was trying to convince Matt to give up his current familiar for the much more acceptable fairy variety. It made complete, logical sense. If Matt was a good person, he’d have a “good” familiar. But Mara didn’t care. Over the past few weeks, she’d grown rather attached to her new Master and she wasn’t keen on giving him up because of a silly little thing like morality. Matt was ridiculously powerful, and yet somehow, he was equally as kind. Laila wasn’t wrong. He probably deserved better than the weakest type of demon, Filth being the technical term for them. But he chose her anyway.

    Mara could feel that despite the logic behind the angel’s words, a cloud of jealousy hung over Laila’s every action. When Mara looked over to Matt, she could feel the infinite patience that grows when people have been friends for years. Mara had to make a decision. She could continue being the outlier of this connection and let Laila come between her and Matt. The moral decision. The selfless decision. It was painful merely even thinking that way.

    Then again, maybe the angel could have an accident. It’s what a demon would do. A demon would keep Matt to herself, regardless of the consequences.

    Or…she could prove Laila wrong. That she WAS good enough for Matt, without taking his best friend away. It would mean she wouldn’t have him to herself anymore, but this wasn’t about what she wanted. What was best for Matt? And what gave her the best chance at not being replaced? A plan began to hatch in the demon’s mind.

    1. Connor A. Avatar
      Connor A.

      Such an interesting concept! There are a lot of questions that this brings up. For example, if fairies are “good” familiars, why would Matt choose a demon, something that’s considered to be an “evil” familiar? It’s clear that Mara is capable of good and evil acts, so I’m curious how this plan of hers will play out.

    2. Makokam Avatar
      Makokam

      Who’s smile are we talking about again? Cause it sounds like we’re talking about Mara’s. That sounds like something a Demon would do.

      Regardless, I assume her plan is to talk Laila into becoming his familiar as well? Yin and Yang that shit up?

      Laila saying that “only bad people take demon familiars” makes me wonder…how many people have been able to take a demon as a familiar? Matt here is clearly a special case, and Faeires seem like they’re not on the same level as demons and angels so… Are Demons just less picky about who they serve because Demons and alterior motives?

      Anyway, I like that Mara seems to be going against her nature just to make sure Matt (and Laila?) is happy.

  21. Fredrick Hoagland Avatar
    Fredrick Hoagland

    “A Mechanical Smile”
    By Fredrick Hoagland
    Mark ran his hands across the gears that would normally be underneath the faceplates of the automaton.
    “Is everything okay in there, Master?” The machine asked causing the gears to whir.
    While rapidly pulling his hands free to avoid having to splint them again he responded, “I thought I told you to stay still while I’m doing maintenance on you.”
    “My apologies.”
    With a sigh he responded, “No, its alright, Arianna. Everything seems to be alright. You can close up your face now.”
    Swiftly, the plates snapped closed to reveal the face of a fully animated young woman cast in bronze.
    “You may return to your duties now.”
    “Well, I do believe it is time for mental health maintenance.”
    “What? Since when have you had that function?”
    “I always have. Now, in the whole time since you have received me from your father you have not smiled a single time. Why?”
    “I just haven’t had reason to.”
    “But I have taken care of your every need, is that not enough.”
    “Sometimes humans need more than just fulfillment of their needs to be happy, Arianna.”
    “I understand, Master. The problem is me, I shall exit your life immediately.” With this her face plates fell from their usual upbeat and cheerful position resembling a smile to a face resolute in what it must do.
    “No, that is not what I meant. Perhaps you could get me to smile by just calling me by name.”
    “I think I understand…Mark.”
    A genuine smile spread across his lips as he replied, “I think you’re beginning to understand now.”

    1. Such a heartwarming piece! Firstly, I’m a sucker for robots, so this already gets a point from me. The story itself is very heartfelt, presenting the conundrum of having machines truly understand happiness. For Arianna, a smile is simply an indicator of satisfaction, while Mark wants Arianna to understand, little by little, what happiness is. It all comes together in a short, well-written scene. Fantastic job!

    2. I really like this story. Its just a cute little tale that ironically brings a smile to your face with all of its adorableness. It’s a fun concept and I’ve always been a fan of the robot learning how human emotions type of stories. It’s definitely enough to intrigue the reader into wanting to know more about how their relationship evolves.

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Frederick, this is a really lovely piece. I adore the fact that you are having this automaton learn emotions from her seemingly reluctant master. I think that he was reluctant to smile because of his father’s passing.

      These are my only critiques:

      Spacing out your paragraphs and single sentence paragraphs will help make readability easier.

      “But I have taken care of your every need(.) Is that not enough(?)”

      Overall, I really dig this piece. It’s very sweet, especially how he takes the time to give her pointers on human behavior. I do love that he eventually smiles in the end.

  22. Fowl Play
    By NocteVesania (Public Group Repost)

    A curious creature stands in the middle of the school’s main hallway. His legs are trembling underneath the thick orange cloth, and his feet feel sweaty in those oversized rubber feet. He feels the heat of having to be stuffed in an old body suit, patches of its yellow plumage having fallen off, leaving behind him a trail of bright yellow on the tiled floor.

    Standing in the crowded hall like a human-sized traffic cone, practically screaming ‘Look at me!’, students naturally start gathering around him, taking pictures and jeering, laughing at the out-of-place character. One girl in particular, however, wasn’t as happy. Urged by a friend, Rebecca now stands inside the circle of onlookers, face-to-face with the strange fowl.

    The creature places a hand (or rather, a wing) on its beak and lifts it up, revealing David’s face underneath the avian facade. Rebecca crosses her arms in disdain.

    “You look ridiculous.” Rebecca remarks.

    David simply shrugs, his usual stupid look on his face.

    “Why are you even doing this?” Rebecca says, a tinge of anger in her voice.

    David zips his suit down a bit and reaches inside for a large poster board on his torso. He then holds it up, revealing the words “I’m sorry, I clucked up.”

    “Pffft… ” Rebecca tries to hold back, though her snickers keep seeping through. Soon enough, she bursts out laughing.

    An uproar of shouts and cheers from the crowd fills the air, but for David, all he hears is that warm laughter from Rebecca. Embarrassing as this situation may be, to him, it was all worth the trouble.

    1. Connor A. Avatar
      Connor A.

      This was such a nice piece. I’m a bit of a sucker for puns, so having Rebecca laugh at “I clucked up,” was a nice way to tie in this story with the prompt. It was heartwarming to see that David would do this to show that he was genuine about his apology.

    2. Fredrick Hoagland Avatar
      Fredrick Hoagland

      David let’s hope this works out better for you than it did for George in Matthew’s piece. But if it doesn’t, well that means your a vampire.
      Either way you seem like a genuinely nice guy, in a sweet story, and a possible future in stand up comedy.
      In actual commentary, I really enjoyed how you made the suit feel uncomfortable and the humiliation tied to wearing it in public show the strives he’s putting in to apologize.

    3. Ya know what? I haven’t read all of these…but out of what I HAVE read, this is my favorite. It is, I think, the prompt in purist form. Someone doing something at the expense of themselves to make someone else smile. It’s simple but effective. Elegant, almost. Maybe I’m over complimenting you… but I just like what you did here. The build up was good, starting us with just the “creature”, then clearing up that it’s a person in a costume, then bringing in the other students and how this is not something they’re doing for themselves, and then the laughter and sense of accomplishment. Simple, obvious, and yet very effective.

  23. Mango Gravy Avatar
    Mango Gravy

    Hindsight is Unnecessary
    By Mango Gravy

    Impaled and left to die in an apocalyptic hellscape, Joe was not in a good way. In fact, his situation looked so bad that describing some of the more unpleasant details would likely induce a fit of despair in the unfortunate audience. One would thus be shocked, and likely a little nauseated, to see the man laughing his butt off. Figuratively speaking, of course, as his derrière was nowhere to be seen.

    You see, Joe’s is a rather riveting story. It might fill an entire novel, but perhaps you can settle for a heavily cut down version of the story. Ironic, considering the man himself is looking rather cut down as well. But enough jokes.

    It began a year before. Joe had found himself in a rather depressive state. Years of having everything from romantic advances to job applications be ferociously repulsed had taken their toll on his psyche. A sad state to be in, I’m sure.

    He concluded that there are no rules in the pursuit of happiness. So he did as any depressed person would do and summoned a genie to grant his deepest desire.

    Pouring every ounce of will into this endeavor, pondering over many quaint and curious volumes of forbidden lore, obtaining the necessary ingredients, many of which required hideously illegal acts. After a year of hard work, Joe summoned his omnipotent spirit.

    The genie’s voice boomed as it spoke, “WHATCHU WANT, BRUH?”

    Ears ringing, Joe didn’t hesitate as he yelled his desire at the genie. “MAKE ME HAPPY!”

    As anyone with half a brain would imagine, Joe’s very simple sentence left a vast swathe of criteria open to creative interpretation, an opportunity that no genie would miss.

    Within an hour, cataclysm had walloped the face of the Earth. The destruction was indescribable, and the horrors… oh they might make you weep.

    But despite his sorry state, and that of the world, Joe was having a jolly good time. In his pitiful little head, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

    Hilarious.

    1. Fredrick Hoagland Avatar
      Fredrick Hoagland

      Well, at least he’s happy. No one else is, but that’s a minor detail. This honestly could have worked for What’s the Catch a few weeks ago.

      1. Mango Gravy Avatar
        Mango Gravy

        I suppose anything to do with genies involves wariness and deception. Thanks for reading.

    2. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this piece. It does a wonderful job as taking a surface-level good thing and twisting it into a terrible thing, all while maintaining a very comedic tone. It’s a combination that is generally difficult to achieve well, but I really liked this. There is an element of twisted terrible satire to it. Great story!

      1. Mango Gravy Avatar
        Mango Gravy

        That’s exactly what I was going for.
        Thanks a bunch.

    3. jellyrelic75 Avatar
      jellyrelic75

      the way you started out with a sort of horror story, and made it to seem happier really intrigued me. What I got from this was he was depressed, and wanted happiness, so he called a genie. And the fact that he witnessed the world end was making him happy.

      1. Mango Gravy Avatar
        Mango Gravy

        Genies are a sneaky bunch, aren’t they?
        Thanks for the read.

    4. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      The narrative voice in this piece is so good! Despite his tragic circumstance, the narrative leads us through a comedic narrative, the opening like made me chuckle quite a bit. I don’t know if it is the case, but I imagine the genie he had summoned being the narrator, in a sort of “laughing at his own joke” kind of way. I wonder that Joe had spent so much time searching for the genie and did not think his question through more, or perhaps this is what he was hoping for all along. A curious tale, for sure.

      1. Mango Gravy Avatar
        Mango Gravy

        I merely intended to have a narrator that thinks this story is funny, and it struck me by the end that it seems like the genie himself is gleefully recounting his vicious deed, so naturally it would paint the story in a comedic light. So yeah, it wasn’t intentional from the start but I like that you noticed.
        As for Joe, he was depressed, at the very end of his rope. He wasn’t as careful as he ought to have been, but his mental state didn’t necessarily allow for care.
        Thanks for reading, m8. Big thank

    5. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      The first thing out of my mouth was I like the title. Then you slam the reader with the very first sentence. That’s not fair, Mango!

      Why is the story so brutal?! Yet, it’s told so much detachment! Maybe even a little glee. You don’t have to be a fan of Stephen Crane, do you?

      These puns!

      Is this genie Jamaican? I feel like he is.

      I don’t know if you’re familiar with the anime Danganronpa, but there is this particular character, Komaeda Nagito, who loves hope and despair. He looks at life as though every bad, horrific scene is something to be worship or smiled upon because that’s another opportunity to improve oneself.

      This is my only critique:

      job applications be ferociously repulsed had take(n) their toll on his psyche.

      This made me laugh, but it feels so mean-spirited. It’s a great story.

      1. Mango Gravy Avatar
        Mango Gravy

        Thanks for the correction. Errors like that are easily missed.

        I’ve been besotted with the idea of the unreliable narrator for some time now, and I just had the idea of telling a tragic tale through a storyteller who thinks it’s funny. Kinda like Handsome Jack telling the spoon story. It’s made funnier by how nonchalant the narrator is as he tells a gruesome story and makes you wonder, “Why am I laughing at this?”

        Unfortunately, I know nothing about Stephen Crane nor Danganronpa, though I’ll certainly look into both if I can.

        Big thank. Me appreciate big time.

  24. Connor A. Avatar
    Connor A.

    “The Creature of Sela’s Cathedral” (Tales of Marow)
    By Connor A.

    Medrash slid behind a pillar and attempted to keep his breathing low. He did not want to attract whatever was coming after him.

    “Lovely smile, lovely smile,” a voice spoke, slowly making its way to where Medrash was. “I’ll do anything to see such a lovely smile.”

    He held his breath, praying that whatever it was could not locate him with other means.

    “The sir chooses such beautiful people,” it remarked. “I thought I would grow tired of red drakes.”

    The footsteps stopped, leaving the cathedral silent. Medrash noticed a door and was about to try running over to it, but then his body jerked back, leaving Medrash in the open for the thing to see.

    He stared at the pale figure as it turned to look at him, its skin stretched to accommodate the canine skull that seemed to be forming underneath. Against his own volition, a voice that was not his came out of his throat, “Anything, you say?”

    The creature nodded.

    “Then where are the sacrifices I require?”

    It hesitated. “Their smiles, sir. Their smiles. They’re so pretty.”

    “I demand sacrifices for a reason.” Medrash was almost helpless as his body walked towards the creature. “Although, if you still wish to keep these ‘smiles,’ I suppose I can allow an alternative payment of my choice.”

    “Yes! I’ll do it!”

    Medrash felt a grin form on his face as the unknown voice said, “Then perish.” His hand shot out to the creature’s throat.

    “No!”

    Medrash fell out of the bed. Instead of trying to climb back into bed, he simply rested his head on the floor and took slow breaths. When he had calmed down enough, he pushed himself up and decided to get ready for the day. Only then did he notice the moonlight shining in through his window, but he only sighed and switched out his sleepwear for his usual morning clothes.

    “Maybe Selene can make a potion for this,” he muttered as he stepped out of his room.

    1. Michael Case Avatar
      Michael Case

      Is this a dream, or was his payment for travel banishment to a bed of the sleeper?
      I like how this story goes along, then “pop” your waking up on the floor. It leaves the door open for future exploration, while also closing the door on it all if you want. It’s a very nice method you used for that effect. Great job.

      1. Connor A. Avatar
        Connor A.

        Thank you! To answer your main question, it’s technically a dream. I say “technically” since it’s a bit more complicated than that, but that’s another story. Dream sequences are fun to write, so I hope to have the opportunity to write another one at some point.

    2. This story is terrifying, Connor. The use of suspense here is great. There is a twisted aura to the creature tormenting Medrash, almost like the Joker. I always love the idea of monsters using smiles to terrify people, since smiles can be both comforting and scary. The scene, where Medrash was asked to smile felt especially haunting. Very scary and twisted piece, well done!

      1. Connor A. Avatar
        Connor A.

        Thanks! I believe this is the first time that I did a submission that was outright terrifying, so I had my worries about it. Since I finally had a chance to read one of Junji Ito’s creations, I figured I would try to step into that uncharted writing territory. I actually enjoyed writing like this, so I might try it again in the future.

    3. Dream sequences can be tricky because the temptation to be a little too on the nose with what they mean can be a bit of a task sometimes but this was done amazingly. It painted quite the horrifying image and despite the creature not being described in depth, the way it talks and the descriptions you do get are enough that the reader will definitely fill in the gaps with their own fearsome smile taker.

      And the meaning of the dream is left pretty ambiguous as well. It leaves a lot of options open between it being a general warning of the future, a vision of something happening, or any number of things. Well done.

      1. Connor A. Avatar
        Connor A.

        Thanks! A big inspiration for how I approach dream sequences is the Rusty Lake series; its surreal images and odd logic are things one would find in a dream.

        You’re actually spot on with it being a vision of something happening. It’s not entirely literal, however, since it is still a dream in a mortal mind. If I had a bit more wiggle room in the word limit, I probably would have shown that overlap between dream and reality a bit better, but I still like this end product.

  25. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    Smile for Big Top
    by Lunabear

    “It’s not FAIR! I don’t WANT to go!” I scream and beat Papa’s back, but his arm presses me more against his shoulder. My tears feel like they’re being pulled down my face.

    “Now, Davey, you stop this foolishness! We’ve had to hear about this from you for too long. You’ll see there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

    “It might be fun, honey.”

    “Please, Mama!” I reach for her, but she only holds my hand.

    “Three tickets, please.”

    “Glad you made it! We leave early next week.” The woman’s voice is low. Dangerous.

    “Thanks.” Papa walks on.

    “Enjoy the show!” The woman waves one of her eight arms. A smile stretches her spidery face.

    We find seats close to the ring as the lights go out. Papa sits me next to him and keeps me in place with his arm around my shoulders. Mama sits on my other side.

    A spotlight shines, and the three-eyed man steps under it. “Ladies and gentlemen! Children of all ages! Welcome to Big Top’s Black Magic Cabaret!”

    The crowd cheers as the show begins. Tentacled creatures ride skeleton animals with organs showing. Four-winged bats drop balls of red liquid for the monsters to balance. The crowd screams in excitement.

    “Isn’t this fun, Davey?” Mama asks through a smile.

    I shake my head and cover my eyes. Many more things happen, but I don’t look.

    “Aren’t they wonderful, folks?! For our last act, I’d like a volunteer!”

    Lots of people shout, but I cover my ears and hide against Papa.

    Mama shakes me. “Davey! It’s us!”

    The light blinds me, and I try to run away, but Papa carries me to the middle of the ring as the crowd goes wild. I shut my eyes tight.

    “Sir, madame. Into the box, please.”

    Papa puts me on the ground, and they are gone in a puff of smoke when I turn around.

    “NO! Give them back!” I cry and shake with anger.

    “Smile, and I will.” Big Top grins.

    I face the crowd. My heart races. Through my tears, I smile until it hurts.

    1. Mango Gravy Avatar
      Mango Gravy

      The three eyed man appears again to torment another child. I hate to see it, but I won’t lie and say the nostalgic terror doesn’t strike me it a strangely masochistic way. This, and the last story of yours that I saw featuring this horrific circus, have managed to reduce me to a youngin’ and exploit the fears that anyone of that age has.
      It seems the three eyed man (I gather his name is Big Top?) has a plethora of ways to make children cry and, though I dread it, I’m looking forward to seeing more.

      It makes me squirm with discomfort and I love it.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you for your multifaceted review. This is the same child from the first two installments. We know his name by now. Yes, his name is Big Top. And indeed he does. Lots of ways, unfortunately. We’ll have to see what transpires next. Super excited that you enjoyed it. I’m quite enjoying writing it, myself.

        1. Mango Gravy Avatar
          Mango Gravy

          Oh, you beautiful, evil person.

    2. Fredrick Hoagland Avatar
      Fredrick Hoagland

      I’m not entirely sure as to everyone’s motivations in this instance. Why would a child’s parents take them to a place they so greatly dislike (barring things that will benefit the child in the long run)? Furthermore, this Big Top fellow is either demonic or just a magically enhanced jerk who for some reason enjoys torturing children for pure amusement. Why? I’m not so sure.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        thank you so much for your review! The boy, Davey, has a fear of the circus and the creatures, especially Big Top. His dad believes that Davey is being irrational and fearful for no good reason. his dad is one of those dads that believes that boys should not feel feelings because it makes them less. So, they’re THAT kind of family. Davey is one of the only ones who can see these beings for what they truly are; his parents see them as ordinary people. As for Big top, I’m not completely sure just yet. There’s something about Davey besides the fact that he can see their actual appearances, that intrigues him. You’ve actually given me a lot to think about.

    3. Michael Case Avatar
      Michael Case

      I love the return to this circus. There is so much going on, but the story is reminiscent to how some of the clowns used to act when I went to the circus. There is always a seemingly meanness to a clown’s action, even though its always in jest at the interactors expense. In this case the poor kid has been humiliated by being tricked into thinking that their parents have disappeared. Great story.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so very much for your review, Michael! This poor baby is being psychologically scarred, and he does not even know why. I’m so very glad that you enjoyed this.

    4. jellyrelic75 Avatar
      jellyrelic75

      Very descriptive. It puts the reader in the shoes of Davey and the fear he goes through while trying to get his mother and father back. Almost as if it’s all a nightmare. A nightmare that he’s losing someone precious and can’t bear to lose the people he cares about.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you for your review, Jelly! I’m very glad you enjoyed this. Hopefully, this will be one nightmare he can wake up from with everything still intact.

    5. I do love these kinds of stories. Adults do have a tendency to think kids don’t know what they’re talking about and it is a little satisfying when you’re proven right, not that the narrator is exactly in a place to enjoy being right lol Quite the opposite in fact.

      This is a pretty chilling tale, and I immediately find Big Top very interesting as well as the other horrors his carnival have in store. The last line though is actually what stood out to me the most. It’s just leaves this very unsettling image of a smile forced through pain and fear. Definitely as frightening as intended.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so much for your review! It’s very much appreciated. I’m so very happy that you enjoyed this and that it had the desired effect. Also very glad that you like Big Top. should the opportunity arise, the next installment will be from his perspective. Stay tuned. 😉

    6. Blaze Karver Avatar
      Blaze Karver

      That was an interesting take on a circus, probably how I would’ve seen it if it was me. I read in the comments that Big Top is a reoccuring character?
      That’s pretty interesting and love it. It’s like seeing hawkeye pop up in Thor or the Punisher in Daredevil. And since last week, Sam Fisher in Rainbow Six Siege!

      …you get what I’m trying to get at :p Very interesting read, spoopy atmosphere and great delivery through the eyes of a child!

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so much for your review, and I’m super glad you like this! Yes. This is the third installment in a circus narrative. And I am extremely excited to expand upon this. Lol! I understood you perfectly well. Will most definitely be seeing more of Big Top and his circus in the future.

    7. Aaron Fleming Avatar
      Aaron Fleming

      I assume this is a continuation from the previous three eyed man story. I draw this conclusion because the boy is scared of going to the circus as the three eyed man invited the boy in the last story. So, his parents’ choice to go is already terrifying for him. Building on this is nice as it creates early tension in the story building to the vanishing of the parents at the climax. Perhaps a suggestion I can make regarding the climax is that it could have some added final build up. I know he is hiding his eyes and not wanting to look at things, but their disappearance is so sudden. We could see them going up to the box and feel the building tension that would enhance the climax more strongly. Again, just a suggestion, but I hope it is helpful. On the whole, a great story, and I look forward to seeing more.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so much for your review! That’s totally helpful! In fact, I was planning on doing much more of a build-up, but I ran out of words, and I had to make a decision. Lol. Actually, I’m going to expand this one and the previous installment to tell more of the story, as I’ve had some ideas floating around. I’m so glad you enjoyed it!

    8. Ouroboros Avatar
      Ouroboros

      I’m wondering if something is lost on me as I haven’t read anything else in this series. I can only base my opinion on what I’ve read here, which overall is very positive. The dialogue between the characters is believable and while it can often be a challenge to make children and adults talking to one another sound natural, I think you do this well. One addition that I think would be useful to the reader is a line on why the parents are taking their child to a circus that visibly disturbs the child, it seems to be for the child’s benefit but a line like “I didn’t want to go but…” would help the reader understand the importance of the situation. Overall I think it’s a good story, the characters definitely shine in this and the antagonist builds genuine tension at the end. Great job!

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so much for your review. I truly appreciate your feedback. For context, the parents can’t see what the boy sees, so they (mostly the father) believe him to be overreacting because he’s a child. He’s also been seeing these things for a while. His father is also of the belief that feelings are for the “fairer sex”. I hope that clears the confusion. Thank you, again.

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