Writing Group: The World is Quiet Here (PRIVATE)

Hello, peacekeepers and lurkers.

Serene here, isn’t it? A little place of respite and safety; a place where one can be with their own thoughts. But anything could happen in a place like this. Is it peaceful, or is it… something less so? Something… foreboding? Listen well to the silence, because…

This week’s writing group prompt is:

The World is Quiet Here

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

This prompt seems to hint at more happy, peaceful stories. Places where we can go to relax, to calm ourselves, and to steady our emotions. Our “safe havens”, as one would call it.

This brings to mind images of calm; a sunny, serene afternoon in a lonely park, or a single little boat, drifting this way and that on a gentle, rolling river. These quiet places could be just the calm you feel with a person you love, simply spending time together, sharing the warm silence between you. It can be that the quiet is a solemn, soft and heavy kind of silence.

But, knowing the talented writers here, this can also be twisted into something much less wholesome. Sometimes, the quiet can feel wrong, out of place. It’s too quiet, or it lasts too long. Maybe the quiet here isn’t peace, but more of a warning. Or perhaps the world is quiet because it has to be, lest the creatures of the deep be stirred from their slumber. Maybe the world is quiet simply because nothing is left to fill it with noise.

Whatever this quiet is, it’s like nothing we’ve felt before. Whether a new warmth or a creeping cold, the stillness of the world is a feeling that seeps into your very mind and soul.

One thing’s for sure… this silence is going to be deafening.

—Shawna

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Friday at 7:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit, and get ready to help each other improve their confidence in their writing, as well as their skill with their craft!

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least six stories during each stream, three of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
    6. No additional text styling (such as italics or bold text). Do not use asterisks, hyphens, or any other symbol to indicate whether text should be bold, italic, or styled in any other way. CAPS are okay, though.
  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new (no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    6. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    7. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

130 responses to “Writing Group: The World is Quiet Here (PRIVATE)”

  1. InkySegno Avatar
    InkySegno

    “Wander and the Quiet Night”
    By InkySegno

    The winter wind was only a whisper that night.

    Wander’s feet barely broke the surface of the endless white as he ran aimlessly through the field. There wasn’t a specific destination in mind, though the goal of finding somewhere to lay his head before dawn steered him. His destinations were ever changing, but for now it was the treeline across the field. The moon, high in the night, illuminated the tree silhouettes and made them clear to his eyes. Leaping over a small divet in the ground, the wanderer continued unyielded. 

    In the moment of his movement, Wander could hear only the chilly breeze whispering sweet nothings in his ears and his own breath, quick and deep as he ran. His heart pounded like a drum. Closing his eyes briefly, it reminded him of the many towns and their festivals he had come across in his lifetime. The sound of humans cheering, their boisterous music; it was a sweet contrast to the silent winter night. Wander opened his eyes.

    Stamping his heel into the ground, the wanderer stopped himself and spun around once he reached his goal. The sound of his panting breath dissipated. Now that he could no longer hear himself, he realized just how quiet it truly was. Whatever sound was made was only from him, but yet…he couldn’t find it in himself to disrupt the beautiful night. ‘I should be grateful, the weather is fair,’ He thought to himself.

    The cracking of the oak’s bark seemed to echo loudly as he lifted himself upward. This tree must have gotten struck by lightning at some point, as the hollow in its middle was large enough for him to fit in, horns and all. Curling up within it, Wander looked back out to the field he had just ran through. It was how it had been, as if he had never been there.

    Would he be ungrateful to ask for even the wind to pick up a bit?

    Wander sighed and closed his eyes. On silent nights like these, he couldn’t help but want something more.

    1. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      Interesting! You took it the opposite direction I did, but it works. One note: if “the heer” is a title, or “heer” is a proper noun, probably capitalize “heer”. I wonder what a Heer is, or if you even need to use the word in this piece. Other than that, good stuff!

      1. InkySegno Avatar
        InkySegno

        Thank you so much!

        Also, a “heer” is what I call Wander because when I created his character, I gave him the ears and horns of a deer, and the tail of a horse. Truthfully I wasn’t sure if I should capitalize it. The fact that it’s not a real creature had me stumped.

    2. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLSKN

      It’s idyllic scene in this piece, which leads to a bit of a disconnect to the final line. One solution could be to pace out your paragraphs or shorter sentences. (You should also be treating the thought bubbles like dialogue and giving it its own paragraph.)

      I do like the piece, but I’m not sure why he’s running or hiding. There doesn’t seem to be anything chasing him. It’s little details like this that elevate a piece from good to great. Keep going and you’ll get there!

  2. TheWanderingMind (cansasdale) Avatar
    TheWanderingMind (cansasdale)

    Curiosity Killed The Cat
    By TheWanderingMind (aka Cansas)

    Mamma always said, “Never pass the fog that protects our mountaintop. Evil things dwell in Outerland.”

    I was a good lad and always listened to my mother…except when I didn’t.

    I stumbled blindly through the fog, my soul burning with curiosity. I would have fallen off the mountain, if a tree growing from the mountainside hadn’t caught me.

    Trillions of Firestars exploded in the sky around me. I climbed to my feet, paying no attention to the wobbling tree. The gentle flames of the Firestars kissed my face as they danced joyfully in the light of the two moons. I thought I could fly standing on that tree, wind blowing beneath my outstretched arms.

    Unfortunately, one does not suddenly sprout wings because they think themselves capable of flight, and my body soon met the ground with an unpleasant thud.

    The sound of beating wings broke the ethereal silence and I opened my eyes. Strange mushrooms glowed pink and blue in the soft grass around me. A purple butterfly fluttered into view. Without knowing why or wondering, where I was, I got up and followed it.

    The butterfly lead me to a crystal pool with large lotus flowers and a trickling waterfall that had no beginning. A figure lay beside the pool and the butterfly landed softly by its head. I moved forward then froze when I recognized my own lifeless face.

    “Strange isn’t it?” came a smooth voice, “seeing your body through the eyes of your soul?”

    I jumped back. The butterfly was gone. In its place was a woman in a flowing white dress and lilacs in her golden brown hair.

    She walked towards me, her bare feet barley touching the grass.

    “You need not be afraid, child. My name is Omissa.”

    My young eyes met her ancient gaze as she knelt in front of me.

    I glanced over at my body, “Are you an angel?”

    Omissa smiled. “Not exactly.”

    She held out her hand. “Are you ready to see what lays beyond the mortal world?”

    With wide eyes and dreams of adventure, I took her hand.

    “Yes.”

    1. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      “I was a good lad and always listened to my mother…except when I didn’t.” This is brilliant! I love it from the second line! Glorious stuff! And Omissa is super sus, building tension as the childlike character blindly follows them somewhere outside the mortal world(usually not a good thing). Good stuff!

      1. TheWanderingMind (cansasdale) Avatar
        TheWanderingMind (cansasdale)

        I’m so glad you liked that line! I tried a few times without it but i just couldn’t bring myself to do it! Omissa is death and she is perceived as an evil dark being. There is definitely that side of her, but she is more gentle and wise. I’m wanting her to resemble Tolkien’s elves. (The one’s in Rivendell.) She’s peaceful and kind but would murder you without hesitation if she needed to.

    2. Cansas, why did you do this to me?! That poor baby! At least they got the adventures they were hoping for, but man, did it come at a cost! I really love the smooth transition from life into death; I didn’t even notice it until the child did! I do believe that was the point. The child realizing that they are staring at their own body slams into you like a truck against a barricade.

      Critiques:

      In it’s (its) place was a woman in a flowing white dress and lilacs in her golden brown hair.

      Omissa smiled(.) “(N)ot exactly.”

      I also really love your descriptions. I could see them so vividly in my head, and I really adore all of the colors and the way you chose to frame the story. I found at least three different instances of quiet in the story: when the child is in the tree, that beat before they realize they’re staring at their own body, and the pause right before they give their answer to Omissa.

      Another thing I love is that the child’s death isn’t lingered over too much. It’s sad, but the call of adventure after death is a lot stronger. I thought that was a very good move. Brilliant story!

      1. TheWanderingMind (cansasdale) Avatar
        TheWanderingMind (cansasdale)

        It brings me such joy to hear what I intended to convey was understood! I had such a hard time with the descriptions because I wanted to go all out, but not all of it was necessary and the word limit would not allow it. Your reviews mean a lot and I always learn so much from them. Thank you so very much, Luna!

  3. Breath
    By Derek McEldowney (Deviacon)

    All I can hear is my own breath. It’s shallow and soft, but it sounds heavy and labored to me. My heartbeat pounds in my ears. I guess that’s two things I can hear. They’re deafening to me now.

    I want to scream just to know I can, but something deep inside tells me I shouldn’t and grips at my vocal cords.

    These decrepit halls of rust and steam should be louder. There should be hissing and rattling of pipes, drops of leaking water, and echoing of things falling apart. But all I can hear is myself. How did I get here again?

    The sound of my own footsteps give me away. With every sound I make, I feel something looming nearby, coming just a little closer. I check behind me—nothing—and then soften and slow my careful footsteps.

    The moist scent of stale rust catches in my throat. I want to gag, to choke and cough, but I stifle the impulse with a hand over my mouth. I can feel every crinkle of the folds of my clothes as I move.

    I slowly peek around every corner and every doorway not closed or blocked off. I check behind me again and again and again and again. The halls are empty. Which way was I going?

    The quieter it becomes, the quieter I try to stay.

    My breath feels heavy, my pulse feels louder than my footsteps. Are they echoing in the hall?

    A breath, warm and wet, clings to the back of my neck.

    1. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Ooh, I like it! The concept itself reminds me of A Quiet Place, but the execution is a whole other beast. The idea of “I must keep quiet” is a very primal fear because it is difficult for a human to be completely silent. Also, you utilize claustrophobia, isolation, and filth to create an atmosphere that makes it hard to breathe. And the reveal at the end is terrifying. It feels like this creature is inevitable. Good job!

      1. Thank you! I really wanted to make the entire story feel like holding your breath, with little to no payoff of the tension built to create even more anxiety. I’m glad to hear it seems like it worked.

    2. PixieWings Avatar
      PixieWings

      Is that last sentence ever visceral and full of nope. I love the setting for this piece. It gives me strong Silent Hill vibes, which I always like in horror. I’m not sure if this is what you were going for, but I got the impression that the echoes of breath the narrator is hearing might actually be the breathing of what’s stalking him. Fantastic atmosphere and wonderful work!

      1. Thank you! Those Silent Hill vibes have definitely been influential. That breathing detail wasn’t my initial plan, but I did see it after finishing and liked the ambiguity it brought.

    3. Shaviathan Avatar
      Shaviathan

      The world is indeed quiet here, as all murder rooms should be! This was a great attempt at building up suspense as each step gets quieter and slower, all while the creature remains hidden. I especially appreciate that you keep the monster/killer hidden even up to the very end. Leaving it a mystery like that lets the reader’s imagination run wild with who or what it might be. The setting of the rusting boiler room also made me think of Freddy Krueger’s kill room from nightmare on elm street.

    4. As always, Deviacon, you know how to shroud your reader in atmosphere and details. I love that this feels like a slow, creeping sensation. The narrator never knows if they’re truly being watched or not until the very end. This feels very much like the boiler room from A Nightmare on Elm Street series or an abandoned place that the narrator wanted to explore.

      Critique:

      Are they echoing in (the) hall?

      What really hit home for me is that we don’t really know what’s out there or even around us, whether it be close or distant. I genuinely love how this oozes dread and tension and a bit of mystery. It feels like an unseen fear or icy claws raking their way down your back. Great job!

  4. Tale Foundry Avatar
    Tale Foundry

    Peace with You
    by DukkiFluff (I give this spot to Handsome Johanson)

    Nathan peeked his bedroom door open, careful not to let it open far enough to squeak. The pitch black hallway gaped at him, the house completely silent. A small grin pulled at his lips as he closed the door again.

    He pulled on his favorite black sweater and a pair of nearly worn-out sneakers. He then opened the window and crept out, climbing down the trellis to the grass below. He checked to make sure his parents hadn’t heard him, then jogged out the back gate.

    It only took ten minutes to reach the cliff overlooking the lake. Someone else was already there.

    “Sorry I’m late, Draven. Dad went to bed late.” He chuckled, walking over and sitting beside the silhouette.

    Draven smiled at him, “It’s alright, Nathan. I figured as much.” He shifted closer, resting his head on Nathan’s shoulder. Nathan smiled warmly, weaving their fingers together.

    He glanced at Draven, noting the different shampoo scent in his hair. “You got a hair cut.”

    Draven laughed. “Nothing escapes your notice. Yeah, mom said it was getting too long. So we cut off a whopping three inches.” He rolled his eyes, looking up at Nathan. “You’re lucky your parents aren’t so picky.”

    Nathan half shrugged. “I suppose. They do get on me about the rips in my clothes, though.”

    They stared into each other’s eyes, just smiling.

    “I missed you.” Nathan whispered.

    Draven’s smile grew. “I missed you too.” He leaned up, planting a gentle kiss on Nathan’s lips.

    Draven pulled back, sitting up and running his thumb over Nathan’s lower lip, frowning at the cut. “Did you get in another fight?”

    Nathan grinned, shrugging. “Maybe. Trust me, he looks worse than I do.”

    Draven shook his head, sighing. “Does it still hurt?”

    “A little.”

    “Here, let me kiss it better.” Draven kissed him again, this time lasting an eternal moment.

    Nathan returned the kiss, feeling the rest of the world melt away like it always did with Draven.

    They broke only to breathe, Draven smiling. “Now stop picking fights.”

    Nathan smirked. “No promises.”

    1. CUTE. This was really well done Dukki! 😀 You did very good giving those to guys character in an interesting way. It felt very natural and was engaging to read. something to note is a scene like this is really good at delivering information. you can so say much with the interaction of two characters being intimate in some way. will have to remember this when writing things 😀 great job :3

    2. Man, Dukks! This is so damn sweet! I love that Nathan is willing to defy his parents to sneak out to see his boyfriend. I also feel like the parents are not very approving of this relationship given the fact that they can’t be open. I also feel like that’s why Nathan gets into a lot of fights. Which is incredibly sad that this kind of thing is still happening towards people who aren’t heterosexual. Nonetheless, it’s incredibly wholesome and precious. This moment gets me all warm and fuzzy inside! I love it so much! Fantastic story!

    3. Awww this is a very nice interpretation of the prompt (and Im glad im not the only one putting people on cliffs). I love the multiple meanings of “quiet” in here. The house has to be quiet before he can leave, the world is quiet as the two of them meet and the world becomes quiet as they embrace ‘3’.

      A very cute story. I assume its set somehwere in GB? I hope we meet Nathan and Darven again! And I hope that they take care of each other.

  5. Gregory Hess Avatar
    Gregory Hess

    Finally some peace[Genre break side story]
    By gregovin

    Masumi Kido pokes his head out the door.

    It’s a nice day out. He goes to school and plays with concepts as the teachers teach. He used to spend time in the library, however, now he heads directly toward the drama club. He’s going to see what crazy shenanigans they got themselves into this time.

    Then a well dressed dude appears in the middle of the hallway, seeming to come from nowhere.

    He says 3 words. “GENRE BREAK! HAREM!”

    That can’t be good, a genre swap into a bad genre is not great. Then, Ayase comes out of the drama club and strides toward him aggressively. She tries to glomp Masumi. He manages to dodge, and he starts to run. This is really not good. He’s probably the target.

    She says “Come back! You look great today!” in a sultry voice.

    He responds simply “that’s not how you get my interest, and I know what’s going on” and runs faster.

    Some students literally chase after him as he tries to get out of this mess. Maybe he would be interested if they would actually talk to him and prove themselves a good thinker.

    Masumi has one thought: fuck this. He is not in the mood for this bullshit today.

    He barely manages to escape the school. There are too many people here. All so dull. Why couldn’t any of them have even a shred of thought put into their actions? He understands, at some level, that they are being manipulated by the universe itself. But still, he expects them to not lose all thought.

    He pulls out his phone, looking for a closed building to escape too. He finds one, students still following him.

    An office. Perfect. He breaks in and enters, making a bee-line for the elevator. He hopes that his understanding that consequences in a Genre Break don’t affect reality is correct. Otherwise he’s screwed.

    He goes to the roof. An ethereal wall appears around him, blocking all sound. Finally, some quiet. Finally, Masumi can have some peace. Everything should return to normal in a few minutes.

  6. Only Memory
    By minergirl778 (aka frogfireFantasy)

    The girl stands in the center of the village. Her lightless eyes survey the scene. It’s twilight. The sky is clear. All is silent.

    Until, it isn’t.

    A Manticore bursts into the town, lighting the town ablaze. Blurry shadows run from their houses, fearing for their lives. They stare at the creature, opening their mouths to scream and gawk. They pray for a hero.

    The girl goes unseen. She doesn’t try to talk to them. She knows they can’t hear her.

    None of them can. She’d tried.

    She comes to the center of town, where the beast has met resistance. 2 brave souls. Orange and Yellow. They fight the beast with all they can muster, but she knows it won’t be enough. She looks at the heroes, and her thoughts turn caustic.

    You morons.

    Why did you do this?

    You knew this could happen.

    But the heroes are gone. The monster flees from the town, and the group runs after it. She trails along behind them, looking at the scenery they miss.

    It’s blurry.

    Fuzzy.

    Like always.

    She comes to the clearing. The battle goes on. Swords swing and spells fly. She remembers every bolt, every cry, every swing. She wanders through the battle, her steps practiced yet thoughtless.

    She’s on the edge of the clearing.

    The moment arrives.

    The beast lets out a desperate roar. It swings its tail in a wide arc. Orange dives out of the way, firing off the final shots that fell the beast. But Yellow trips over his feet. It slams into his back, sending him flying towards the cliff’s edge. His iron-soled boots dig into the ground, leaving ditches in their wake. He finds himself right at the edge…

    But those boots are heavy

    And the ground is unstable.

    And She’s too far away

    She’s scrambling to her feet

    She’s reaching out her hand.

    But he falls.

    She watches her past self weep with long-dry eyes. She turns to the cliff.

    She walks off.

    Onto the memory’s edge. An invisible boundary between her and death below.

    Let me join him.

    Let me go.

    1. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      I view this as the narrator going through a very tragic moment. The outside world is completely silent as they relive this tragic memory. Perhaps they are walking through the places these menories take place and seeing everything all over again. There is a great melancholy and somberness to this piece. I very much enjoyed this. Very well done, Froggy.

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      The disparity between the past and present, even though both are effectively simultaneous here, is really quite affecting. The noise and action and chaos of the past, blending with the silent numbness and bitterness of the girl’s present. She may still be alive in reality, but in this place she is a ghost in every way that matters.

      Especially strong was the last sequence with Yellow falling off. No emotion in the lines, just a unrelenting play-by-play of events that she has seen over and over again in a matter-of fact delivery. The ending is a dark and lonely one – but at least she *can’t* join him like this, and has a chance to finally move on from the sadnesses of her past instead. Eventually.

      Great work Froggie! :3

    3. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLSKN

      This makes me think of the adage, “they’re not gone as long as we remember them.” It’s as though the viewpoint character is a ghost who just wants to be forgotten and released to the afterlife and that’s an incredibly powerful visage. Your story is meandering, but focused. The lack of setting description enhances that focus on the pain here. Very well done!

    4. Ohhhhhh. This is a very interesting story with some interesting turns. At first I thought this was a girl from the village that had died by an earlier monster and was now angry at heroes for not evacuating it first.

      Then I thought it was a long dead ghost that doesnt like the hubris of mortals…but the revalation at the end is bitter-sweet. The “She” makes it unclear who it is, ghost or hero, but in this case it works! It shows that they are the same person…

      I do wonder how orange manages to relive her memories..

      Excellent Story Froggy!

  7. PixieWings Avatar
    PixieWings

    The City That Sleeps
    (Affective Empathy)
    By PixieWings

    There are 3,493 intelligent, emotional creatures left alive in the city.

    Hush knows.

    They can feel them, even as they trail at the Knight’s heels.

    The Knight is a vision out of an Arthurian fairytale, clad in golden plate and silver chain, a full head taller than any human she passes. Hush tries to buoy themselves on the bubble of her hope, tries to step into the head space of someone confident and kind.

    They knock on the door to her mind as politely as they can.

    “Yes Hush?”

    Hush pushes the feeling outward. The whirring drone of agitated bees.

    “Crowds make you nervous. I’m sorry. Try to hang in there, okay?”

    Hush bobs their head. They tuck the sweet warmth of her compassion where their heart would be and follow.

    The sun still hasn’t risen but it isn’t dark. Stars glitter above, ignoring the downtown lights. The moon shines with a renewed brilliance. People amass in the street.

    The sharp sting of anxiety, frozen over the icy depths of panic.

    The Knight is closer and Hush can see it now through the people. The street continues on ahead of them. And then it stops. As if someone took a bread knife and cut a perfect slice of the earth, only to leave it drifting in space.

    No one is talking.

    But Hush hears them.

    This isn’t real. What is this? How do we get out? She’s so tall. Is she even human? What is that following her? It hasn’t got a face What is thiswhyscaredangrygriefwhyisthishappeningwhy-

    “Hush! Hush, focus on me!”

    An image.

    A field.

    Soft sunshine and warm pastel colors.

    Plush grass, dotted with pretty purple wild flowers, swaying in the breeze.

    Calm.

    “There you are.”

    The Knight.

    The Knight is kneeling, looking at them, eyebrows pinched above her smile.

    Hush doesn’t remember laying down.

    Calm.

    “Do you need to go some place quieter?”

    Hush bobs their head. The Knight scoops them up, holds them close against her breast plate.

    There are 3,493 intelligent, emotional creatures left alive in the city.

    3,494, if Hush counts themselves.

    1. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      “There are 3,493 intelligent, emotional creatures left alive in the city.” This is a great opening line. It feels so weird, like we are getting this from an AI or other hyper knowledgeable creature, and it ropes us in right off the bat. I love this character, you really sell how much pain this telepathic empathy that Hush has gives them. They are so aware of everyone and what they think(or Hush perceives them to think), and the ending is great too!

      1. PixieWings Avatar
        PixieWings

        Thank you for the comment! That robotic AI feel was def intentional, so I’m glad it came through.

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      I like this one a lot! Especially on the second reading once I had put things together a bit more. This story is both sweet and nice, but also tense and worrying, much like the emotional journey of Hush themselves – it’s a testement to the character of the Knight that the former calmness can be maintained in what seems like a much larger ocean of fear.

      Speaking of which, the characterwork is incredible – the larger-than-life imagery of the Knight contrasts with the gentleness and calm of their demenour, creating someone who I instantly trusted to do the right thing in a dangerous situation with very few words to convey it. And Hush is excellently presented – their anxious, empathetic perspective that both connects and isolates them from the surrounding people, and seemingly inhuman? At the very least they have no face. On that note, my favourite line of the whole story was “They tuck the sweet warmth of her compassion where their heart would be”, again suggesting inhumanity without making Hush any less sweet or sympathetic.

      Finally, the intrigue of the threat to this city was good too – a slice of the city just gone? Are they trapped in a bubble of some kind? I would deffo like to see more from this story! Well done indeed! <3

      1. PixieWings Avatar
        PixieWings

        Thank you for the comment Calliope! And gosh, an extra thank you for reading it twice.

        I’m so excited you read Hush and the Knight that way. The play between Hush’s inhuman aspects/empathy and the Knight’s gentleness/strength was exactly what I was hoping to convey with them.

        The city bit probs could’ve used a bit more fleshing out to give a better image of what was going on. It’s intended to be a sort of “Castle in the Sky” situation. The part of the city they’re in IS the part of the city that’s been sliced out, and as far as they can see right now, it’s just kinda floating in some sort of star scape.

        1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
          Calliope Rannis

          Ahh I see, that castle in the sky concept is very neat indeed! 😀

    3. Awwww! Poor hush, man! I think this story is really good, and I SWEAR ITS NOT JUST BECAUSE I’M A SUCKER FOR KNIGHTS! I like this sort of personification of social anxiety, and the comfort another person can give for it. I don’t have as much social anxiety as most people, but I know it can be really scary. So this is great! Do more of this! I like it!

      1. PixieWings Avatar
        PixieWings

        All good Froggy. xD I’m secretly a bit of a sucker for knights too. I’m really glad the social anxiety aspect of this piece came through.

        And thank you for the comment! Hush is one of my faves so it’s likely there will be more of them coming soon.

  8. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    Peace in an Urban Canyon (Corespace Universe)
    By Calliope Rannis

    The Megacity encompassing the Core World of Vang was hardly a place that could be considered ‘quiet’. Vehicles regularly streaked through the sky and the great gaps between building complexes. Technology nowadays was quieter and cleaner, but the constant presence all over the place still accumulated into a persistent humming and hissing background of noise.

    But Larsi had managed to find a quiet place, deep within the Abyssal Layer of the City. It was a barely-used black metal bridge, down further than most air vehicles go, where the air between the great structures is funneled into a consistent stream. That small quirk of the planet’s ventilation forever bathed the bridge in the mournful noise of passing wind, muffling out all other sounds of tech and distant speech. For Larsi, that was good enough.

    “I SEE WHY YOU LIKE THIS PLACE SO MUCH.” Cabby’s voice steamrolled right through their thoughts.

    Larsi turned to face the saledrone body of their new companion, who was swaying a little in the wind. “I really, really need to get you a new voice encoder.”

    “LIKE I SAID BEFORE, THAT UPGRADE WOULD BE A GREAT IMPROVEMENT TO BOTH OF OUR LIVES.” He replied, a rare occasion of the saledrone’s default advertising voice actually fitting the intent of Cabby’s sentence.

    “Way more expensive than paint though.” Larsi said, peering again at the blue and yellow pattern they had painted on the drone’s body at his own request.

    The robot did a little twirl. “AND YOU DID A GREAT JOB WITH THAT! I ALREADY FEEL MUCH BETTER ABOUT MYSELF.” His main camera turned back to his human friend’s pale face. “BUT I THINK YOU WOULD AGREE THAT ADDING SOME OF THAT LOVELY INDIVIDUALITY POTENTIAL TO MY SPEECH WOULD HAVE MANY BENEFITS. BECAUSE IT SEEMS THAT I’M A BIT OF A “MOMENT RUINER” RIGHT NOW.”

    Larsi flushed a little. “Oh, no Cabby! It’s okay, really, you can’t help that after all…” They lightly touched a hand to his metal side. “I WILL get you a new voice as soon as I can.”

    “Then, we can enjoy this quiet together.”

    1. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      This is a very sweet piece. I like the opening descriptions as it gives a very clear image in my head of what kind of world this is. I love the detail of the ventilation and the breeze. More than anything I love how the characters are portrayed. A nice little piece about getting a friend a proper voice so that they can both enjoy the quiet. I don’t really have criticisms, it’s just a nice little piece. A breath of fresh air in the mostly sad selection of stories this week. 🙂

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Aw thank you! I really like how the characters came out too. <3

    2. PixieWings Avatar
      PixieWings

      That salesman robot voice tho. Actually got a snort out of me when I was reading it the first time. You hit on a great comedic bit by giving it to what seems like a very down to earth character. And I think you also succeeded with giving these two a quiet little interaction that shows off who they are to each other. Wonderful piece Calliope!

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Yes, I am very proud of the timing in that first line. Good old setup and payoff! And I’m happy you liked their interaction with each other too, it’s my first time writing them and it ended up being super sweet. <3 Thank you very much!

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      It’s interesting how we as people have adapted to the whirring of machines, and I think that idea of finding somewhere untainted by technology in a technological place is a great idea for a story. Also, Larsi bringing someone with them to a secret, almost sacred location is so wholesome, especially someone so loud. Good job, Calliope.

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        My alternative title for this piece was actually going to be ‘An Urban Shrine’ for that exact reason – finding a quiet place in such a city is truly a sort of sacred thing. And yes, I actually got bowled over by how wholesome the scene ended up being – the characters suprised me with their sweetness! :3 Thank you for the review!

    4. Awwwww, Calliope! This is darling! It’s great to see Larsi back. If I remember correctly they are from the A Place to Call Home prompt, yes? It’s wonderful to see more backstory on the saledrone and how the relationship between these two has blossomed. I also really loved that Larsi is going to get the saledrone a new voice. Little touches like this exchange really gives nuances and complexities to characters. I also love how you incorporated the prompt this time around. Brava, m’lady!

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Larsi is actually from The Soul Industry prompt! A Place To Call Home might have been before I joined, I do not recall a story assosiated with that one. I am very happy you loved the characters, I want to write more for them in the future too now that they are more established in my head! <3

    5. Oh, i like this. These two have such a fun dynamic! Im a huge fan of robots, and i am looking forward to seeing this loveable little bot get the upgrades they deserve. I wonder how these two found each other. Also, i cant help but imagine painting a robot like that might be a bit challenging. I wonder if maybe you’ll write those stories someday? Anyway, you did an awesome job! Keep up the good work!

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Larsi sort-of built Cabby actually! His AI personality already existed from a couple of lives in previous bodies, but he had basically been abandoned and left to gether dust in a bargain store for Reasons, and Larsi was looking to make a friend and managed to find this old soulcell who no-one else had been interested in. They managed to install the AI into a second-hand saledrone body which they got on the cheap, and volia, Cabby now exists!

        And painting was a little difficult yes, though Larsi was up to that task. Thank you! <3

  9. Topside Silence
    by Exce

    The rough sand-like dust crunched under my fingers as I pulled myself from hand-hold to hand-hold, slowly scaling the side of the canyon.
    I felt my fingers grow stiffer with cold and permitted a sliver of red energy to slip through, warming them back up.
    Finally I reached the rim, pulling myself up and around to sit on the edge. With a deep exhale, leaning back to rest on my hands, I looked up.

    The star-filled sky spread overhead, from horizon to horizon, broken only by the dark slivers of buttes reaching up like spindly fingers.

    And there, just peeking over the horizon, was the Shadow, blotting out an entire stretch of sky, as an early herald of winter. For now the cold felt refreshing.
    But the cool air wasn’t even the best thing here. Being away from the main passages and stairways, away from the bustling cities and especially the palace…

    The quiet felt divine. A soft whisper of wind, the faint noise of trickling dust. It was like balm to my soul.

    I scooted a bit further from the edge, before folding my hands behind my head to lie down on the still slightly warm rock. If it weren’t for the real possibility of my father losing it if I wasn’t back in my room at dawn, a nap would have been really tempting.

    I wasn’t sure how long this moment of relaxation lasted, but it was rudely interrupted by a sharp cracking noise followed by repeated echoing bangs.

    I jerked up and saw a dark figure on the other side. It had knelt down, and one arm was reaching down, growing longer before my eyes as if looking for a hand-hold.

    My arm shot up, and a faintly glowing sphere of energy crossed the distance in a heartbeat to slam into the raised head of the figure.

    It was flung back, coming to a rest on its back.
    Bereft of my relaxation, I got up with a sigh to collect the intruding shapeshifter. Father would have to deal with this problem.

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Intriguing! It’s a little hard for me to grasp the scene – the character climbed to the top of a natural canyon, but is the palace that was spoken of inside the canyon wall, or at its base? Or somewhere else entirely? It seems like this person can leave for the topside and come back within a day, so it must be somewhat close at least.

      I also wonder about what noises the ‘shapeshifter’ was making. Was it trying to shoot someone from down below, or was something shooting up at it? Either way, clearly not welcome near this place. And there’s the cosmology too – the Shadow is a particuarly ominious and notable presence in this sky, even if far on the horizion – does it block out the sky entirely in winter?

      Lots and lots of unanswered questions here for me, but a cool story regardless. Good job! 🙂

    2. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLSKN

      Excellent foreshadowing with the hint of magic at the outset of the climb. As Calliope said, there’s a lot of unanswered questions, which gives thia piece a feel of lost context. I don’t think it needs context, but it certainly implies a subsequent scene in more than one way. I would have liked more description on the shapeshifter. It feels like slapping a mosquito in winter, but not like a threat.

  10. Shaviathan Avatar
    Shaviathan

    Lilith
    By Shaviathan

    Lilith sat staring out over the sea at the sunset. The warm amber glow seemed so comforting. Yet despite its warmth she still felt cold, a chill emanating from her very core and infectiously spreading throughout her whole body. She hugged her legs tight against her chest, curling up against the log for any semblance of warmth. Closing her eyes she began to listen to her surroundings. Aside from the wind rustling the trees and the crashing of the waves it was quiet. The whole setting seemed so serene. So then why was she so cold and why was she crying? Lifting her head from her knees she stared at the sun again, it’s warm glow reminding her once again of the fire at the farmhouse.

    “Father,” she choked up, tears still rolling down her cheeks. “Why, why do they always hate me? I just wanted them to be happy. Why is it every time I find a family it ends with a fire or a rope and a tree?”

    “Hush my child,” a booming serpentine voice hissed in her head. “I am here. They do not understand you, and as such fear what you are capable of.”

    “But why don’t they understand?!” Lilith asked, the words practically suffocating her “I just wanted to help, to see them happy! They’re always so kind to me at first and treat me like their own daughter, so I just want to repay that kindness.”

    She started coughing, forcing her to pause and recover her breath. Still sniffling she wiped away some of the tears and continued. “I’m tired of always being alone. I want to be a part of a family for once.”

    “Child,” the voice whispered soothingly. “You have me. As well as your many friends you have made.”

    Lilith turned to look at the corpse of the farmer’s little girl, her most recent friend. She turned her decaying head towards Lilith and just stared with the same Violet eyes as her.

    “Father,” Lilith sniffled. “Please don’t leave me too.”

    “Of course not child”

    Despite these words she still felt alone.

    1. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLSKN

      Very interesting take on the Lilith mythos. We definitely grok her emotional state before fully knowing why, so kuddos on the your opening paragraph!

      The only hiccup I noticed was the corpse. I had to reread it to figure out which ‘she’ you were referring to, so you may want to refer to Lilith by name in that line and break up the text during the subject shift.

    2. DesOttsel Avatar
      DesOttsel

      I think you did really good with the character voices. There was good foreshadowing with the fire. It’s really tragic, and the little (demon? changeling? zombie?) girl is all alone. I’m not sure if I completely trust the father. I’m also a little confused on if the girl’s corpse moved its head or if Lilith turned its head. Either way, fun story. It reminded me of Somali and forest spirit.

  11. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    Quiet in a Room
    By Jesse Fisher Edits by Des Ottsel and Drake Ragon

    Grangal laid in a bed that was not hers a day ago. The room around her was that of the default form of the bar that started this whole journey, the wood growing lighter as it goes up to the ceiling. The rectangle room had two doors, one that lead to the main bar and the other to a bathroom. She recalled all this from the night she had with the being next to her.

    A wolf of the darkest navy laid next to her. They both looked up to the near silent room. The wolf’s once-bladed hand had returned to its normal fluffy mitts and laid under her talons, and the only thing between them was the blanket laid over them.

    “You know, you could have just stayed.” He spoke breaking the sound of their mutual breathing. “I’m sure there were still beings that would have followed ya without the whole ‘becoming the father of gods’ thing.”

    “That may be but I did not feel right after I had to explain the whole mess to the mass of followers.” Grangal replied as she snuggled up to the wolf, who did not fight it. “Besides I was planning to hide out here if things went south.”

    “So I was an improvisation in that plan?”

    “Don’t blame me, your singing, it was like the rest of the bar faded til it was just you and me,” she said. Her beak rubbed against his coarse fur as she spoke.

    “You know, for a being hundreds–if not thousands–of years old you kinda act like a young girl finding her first love.” The wolf commented as he patted Grangal’s fluffy head.

    “Some gods are fully grown from birth, others never grow up so I’m just out of my teenage years.” She began to play with the wolf’s chest fur.

    “So, from goddess to waitress. How does that feel?”

    “If I get to see you every day until the end of everything, then building a life here might not be terrible,” she smirked.

    “I had a feeling.” The wolf replied, resting his head on her’s.

    1. This is super sweet! After all the action and adventure, it’s nice to read about sweet little moments of reflection. The dialogue was good, highlighting how the two feel about each other. I feel there were a few grammatical errors, mostly with some missing commas, but I think those are super minor. This was super cute and a fun read. Great job!

      1. jesse fisher Avatar
        jesse fisher

        thanks, after two people helping me commas are something that I can live with. Ya it was something I wanted to do also a moment to reflect what started that adventure but much calmer.

    2. this was a nice moment! I really like the pace of this. it was relaxed, and the characters had time to breath. That’s one thing i took away from my long review. sometimes it can be beneficial to write a smaller moment, and i think you chose an excellent moment for that. there were still some areas that were a tiny bit awkward to read, but overall this flowed pretty well. also, you did a pretty good job of explaining where the characters were and what they are doing! that’s a really important aspect of any story. nice improvements 😀

      1. jesse fisher Avatar
        jesse fisher

        Thanks, it has always been there I just had to have others smooth the whole idea. Ya felt the need to have a calm moment as the whole adventure had been a bit more confusing for stand alones.

    3. This was fairly sweet. I like the sweet intimacy of your story, Toa. It’s just a moment of quiet and bonding between two…umm…people. Well a wolf demon and a goddess it seems. I really get the feeling of how, at this moment, the world has ceased to exist beyond these two characters.

      1. jesse fisher Avatar
        jesse fisher

        Ya put them through some trauma so why not give them some breathing room.

  12. A Moment of Tranquility
    By MasaCur

    A white, glowing portal opened up in mid-air and four people stepped out. As soon as they were through, one of the four, a girl with severe-looking glasses, adjusted some instruments on a device, causing the portal to close. She examined various sensors on the device.

    “Well, Myoni was here,” she announced. “I may need to calibrate the Super String detector to follow him to his next location. In the meantime, maybe you three can do some reconnaissance.”

    “It feels different here, Akemi,” Ayase said to the first girl, looking distinctly uneasy.

    “Of course it does. We’ve had to depart our multiverse this time,” Akemi explained. “The physical laws of this universe are unlikely to be the same.” She rolled her eyes. “Why am I even bothering? Like you’ll even understand.”

    “Excuse me!” Ayase protested. “I had to explain realms to you, and how they didn’t fit your previous dimensional model.”

    Nabiki wandered away from the two bickering girls. It did feel different to her. Far more peaceful.

    “Looks like we’re not in Kansas anymore, Nabiki,” Goro said, the only boy of the group.

    “Goro? Would you please not reference Western forms of media?” Nabiki softly asked. “You know that I find it distracting.”

    Goro looked at Nabiki with equal parts horror and dismay. “What did you say?”

    Nabiki turned to face Goro. “Yes, it was very clever, but I would really appreciate it if you refrained from making any more western references. Please?”

    Goro slowly backed away from Nabiki. “What happened? Usually you yell at us for doing that. And sometimes, you throw things or chase me and try to hit me when I do that.”

    Nabiki paused. Goro was right. For some reason, she didn’t feel the presence of rage that she had back home. She had been so quick to anger since her mother’s death. But here…the loss of her mother still hurt, but the anger she had come to associate with that loss had dissipated.

    “Nabiki? What’s wrong?” Goro asked.

    Nabiki smiled. “Nothing. For the first time in a while, I feel okay.”

    1. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      Ya the issue that most people with world hoppers ignore the fundamental laws for story reasons, but here you offer another thing. This explosive character is at peace, and that must be scary for her companions. Sure she gets to relax but the others might be disturbed by this.

      All in all, good story.

    2. This is a really toned down story from Genre Break. I really love how tempered Nabiki is, especially given everything that has happened and the fact that she is still hurting and traumatized over her mother being gone. You always bring such humanity and character to your characters.

      I also really love the touch of Goro being the one to notice the change in Nabiki. I don’t believe I’ve met him before through a prompt. Your piece this week has a really mellow feeling to it. It’s incredibly tranquil, Masa. Great job!

    3. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLSKN

      World hoppers are hard to write well. The tweaks on systems, cultures, races, even sentience is hard. I’ve never seen anyone turn those shifts inside though. Very enjoyable!

  13. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “Contemplation”
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane

    The young oni sat beneath the tree, cradling a torn, tear-soaked piece of cloth in his hands. He was far enough away now. He swallowed the lump in his throat and unfurled the cloth. Three broken horns. The oni set it on the ground, took out his bento box, and opened it. Three falling-apart onigiri.

    He sighed as he took out the first one and shoved it into his mouth. The rice and fish tasted fine, but the grains got all over his hand. The oni grumbled as he took the second onigiri and ate it. This one was messier, grains and fish getting all over his robes. He put the bento down and rushed to the riverside. Quickly the oni washed his face and hands, avoiding looking at the reflective surface.

    Walking back, he closed his bento box, got out a scroll, a brush, and some ink, and wrote:

    “On the calmest day…”

    The oni paused. It didn’t feel like a calm day, but he had to write what he saw, not what he felt. A slight breeze picked up, carrying a few pinkish-orange flowers over his head. Some of them flew off while a few landed in the river. He didn’t understand why, but the oni felt his heart drop. He took his brush and wrote on a new line:

    “Flowers float on the river…”

    The oni looked back down at the three horns. His horns. How could he face his family after this? Maybe some old hag could put them back on. The oni growled in frustration. He didn’t have a single coin, and even if he did, he would probably be cursed anyway. A cloud passed over the oni and the river, reflecting in the relatively still river. The flowers followed the lazy current, and tears of joy came to the oni’s eyes. He took up his brush to write the last line:

    “And find flight again.”

    The oni wiped his eyes as he took his broken horns and threw them into the river. He smiled. He was his own Yokai.

    1. Awwww, man, Wolf! This is a beautiful story! I love the perseverance and later acceptance from the oni. I also love the progression of the story, how it goes from sad and heavy to joyous and light. He has chosen to walk his own path, even though he knows full well his family may not accept him because he has lost his horns. It’s a glorious story of self-acceptance and discovery. I also really enjoyed the haiku. Very nearly cried as that weight was lifted off of his shoulders. Great story!

    2. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      What a pleasant piece! Just a quiet contemplation as the oni sits to write a poem and contemplate. I’ll be honest that a few of the Japanese words and things such as onigiri got me a little confused, but I think I understood in the end. What I like most is the theme. I love how the flowers are said to find flight once more as the oni seems to make up in his mind that so can he. I don’t understand the meaning of Yokai, so I missed the meaning of the final line, but I understood the message I think. Really good story, I would just be careful when using Japanese terms that have no clear English meaning since there are readers like me who don’t understand.

    3. I really liked this story. The little details really help extenuate what a quiet transformative moment this is. The imagery of an Oni having a sort of existential crisis and writing a haiku over it is such a unique and interesting subject, and I feel like you did an amazing job conveying and capturing the emotions there.

    4. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      You know, I have never really understood Haikus. The format just causes my mind to bounce off of them uncomprehending, with only a tenuous grip on their value. This piece – about the construction of a Haiku – is perhaps the first time I have ever truly understood the meaning of one, and what goes into writing it. (of course I probably could have learnt the same kinda stuff by looking this up about Haiku’s, but hey I only have so much time in the world! :P)

      I will second what another comment said – while I understood every word in this piece, it would be very easy for someone not exposed to much Japanese culture sources to be jarred by the words they do not understand. I think the core of the piece is still solid and understandable even with that factor in mind, but worth noting I think.

      I do wonder what caused the oni to lose his horns. An accident? Was he attacked? Or is this a self-inflicted wound that he for a moment regrets? Either way, I enjoyed his emotional arc, from regret and disorder to joy and acceptance, all through a single moment of contemplation. Great work! 😀

  14. One Last Chat With Mother
    by Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    A frog crawls out of a basket and onto the table. He’s wearing a black tophat. Nearby, Professor Philips, the youngest research associate at MIT, is fiddling with a device.

    A robotic voice speaks from the tophat. “What are you working on, boss?”

    “Oh. Hey, Thelonius.” Philips responds. “I’m just putting the final touches on tonight’s experiment.”

    “What’s it do?”

    “It’s meant to provide a platform for the dead to communicate with the living.” Phillips answers, concentrating on his work.

    “How is that even possible?” Thelonius asks coldly.

    “It uses the same technology that allows you to speak through the tophat I made for you, just more sensitive and tuned for the dead,” he responds as he puts the final touches on the device.

    “Well… ok, but who are you going to try and contact?” Thelonius eyes the contraption with suspicion.

    “My mother.” Philips sets down his tools and sighs. “She died when I was young. We were very close. In fact, she’s the whole reason I became a scientist in the first place.”

    Philips eyes the machine. “This will be an opportunity to ask all the questions I’ve always wanted to… and to finally say goodbye.”

    Philips puts Thelonius in his basket and tucks it under his arm. “Alright. We need to head to the lab. It’s time to start.”

    They arrive and Philips sets up the mechanism in the anechoic chamber, a room designed to eliminate background noise.”

    Together, they head to the observation room. Philips walks up to the microphone and speaks into it.

    “M-mother? If you can hear me, please try to communicate using this device to talk to us.”

    The speakers hooked up to the testing room are quiet.

    “Hello? Can you hear me?”

    “Mom. It’s me, Jacob. Please don’t be shy.”

    “I’ve had some questions for you.”

    “So much has changed.”

    “I-I miss you.”

    Soon, the reservation for the room will run out.

    Thelonius hops out of his basket.

    “She’s not going to respond is she?” he asks.

    “No. She’s not.” Philips replies as a single tear drips down his face.

    1. Damn it, Matty! This hit me hard! Directly in the feelings. There is this huge hope at the beginning for Phillips, and I, as a reader, was holding my breath as he waited and strained and ACHED to have a single conversation with his mother. Only for him to hear silence on his end while his mother reached out to him. It’s a miscommunication of the most heartbreaking kind. It’s SO powerful, Matty, and you did a fantastic job of blending that hope and eventual disappoint. I wanted them to hear each other one last time so very badly. This hit me especially hard because I would love to hear from my mom one more time. I most certainly cried. Brilliant, man.

    2. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      The desperation to deny death is a sentiment many cling to and this piece captures someone who has done just that. It captures how Philips is so confident it will work just to have it fail. A very sad realization, but one that is seen coming. I like Thelonius and his character as it provides an almost fairy tale contrast to the very scientific environment of the piece. The spacing of dialogue with lines in the quite room is very well done and paces the scene in a great way. My only gripe is that the story is written in the present tenes. I always find stories written that way kind of clunky to read and this is no exception. That is probably just a personal thing though because otherwise this story is very well done

    3. PixieWings Avatar
      PixieWings

      Oof, is this a sad one. But wonderfully so. I always enjoy a scientist character that thinks they’re smart or logical enough to defy death. You did an amazing job taking a goal that the audience knows characters typically fail at and really driving home the tragedy of it. It’s a gut punch in the best way.

      Also just…science frog in a top hat. I don’t really have anything smart to say about it. Just yes. Good.

  15. A Quiet Good-bye
    by Astrid Jones

    I rolled my shoulders under the backpack’s straps. It had been a long time since I had gone for a multi-mile hike while carrying this much weight. Just because I was strong didn’t mean the camping gear wouldn’t wear me out eventually. Only another mile or so, and I would be at my destination. I quickened my pace.

    There were other places I could have gone, places where I could have driven a car right to the lake shore. But he had liked this place the most. It was still wild here. It was quiet in a way only nature could be. He hadn’t known such a place could exist until we had showed him.

    I opened the door of the off-grid cabin and set my gear on the table. The scents of memories lingered here. I stood for a moment, trying to reign in my emotions before I opened the backpack and drew out a small box of birch. My hands shook as I set it on the table. It would stay there till the evening when the others would arrive.

    The waves rolling over the rocky shore called me back outside. He had loved to sit and watch them, especially when a storm was forming. The lake would roar and he would tell me he had never seen the world so quiet. Today, the waves were gentle, whispering comfort as if the ever fickle Gichigami knew why I was here. I took off my shoes and socks and stood on the slick rocks as the freezing water caressed my feet.

    My heart ached and my throat longed to howl my sorrow to the sky. But I would not disturb the silence here. Not yet. This place was his bastion of peace. When the others arrived, we would sing our grief together. Even then, the world would still be quiet here.

    1. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      I’m so glad someone chose to have the quiet place be one of nature. But I suspect the quietude comes from more than just the nature, its the memories of this person who has assumedly passed. Its somber and reflective in all the right ways. Just a person on a journey to greive the loss of their loved one with their friends. Its very quiet in that sense (I suppose that’s good considering the prompt). I love the line “and my throat longed to howl my sorrow in the sky”. Theres something to genuine about that sorrow and it its very well captured. Great story, a true quiet tale for a quiet prompt.

    2. I really enjoyed this piece, Astrid. It feels as though it has layers of quietness to it. The absence of dialogue has its own kind of silence. The fact that the narrator chooses to walk instead of taking a car has a quietness about it. Even the refusal to cry over the loss of this beloved person combined with the tranquil peace of the forest elevates that quietness. I absolutely love when there are layers like this in stories. You’ve done a fantastic phenomenal job.

      Critique:

      The lake would roar he would tell me he had never seen the world so quiet. (It feels like there should be a connector or period. It feels like a run-on sentence.)

      This is quite sad and heavy. I can see the potential for catharsis, but the fact that you don’t go beyond this moment of grief for the narrator really drives home how much they’re struggling to still cope with the loss of this person. It’s quite complex and very beautiful. Excellent story.

      1. Thank you so much for catching that! I swear I proof-read it at least 3 times before I posted. Even my beta reader didn’t see it! It shall be fixed.

  16. Quiet At Last
    by Lunabear (I give my spot to WolfsbaneX)

    The phone blares out a rock song. Swimming through a bleary-eyed sleep, my fingers fumble to stop it.

    Ugh. 6:00 am.

    Yawn. Wake up the boy-Aaron. Get dressed or make breakfast first? Yes.

    Stumble through the early morning. Clothes. Shoes. Backpacks. Wallet. Keys. Charger.

    What’s missing?

    Cook breakfast while packing lunches.

    Time?

    6:12.

    A bit faster than I want, but making good time.

    Help the boy get dressed. He fusses and struggles through the shirt and shoes. He complains he’s too cold to move.

    Turning on the heat!

    He’s all dressed, now! But… what’s that smell??

    Breakfast? BURNING?! SHIT!

    Somehow salvage breakfast while 543,983 other thoughts bulldoze through my head.

    Too loud!

    What’s the time?

    6:52?! WHERE DID THE TIME GO?!

    Overcooked eggs and toast. Wolf it down.

    “I don’t want to eat it! It’s gross!” He crosses his arms over his chest and scrunches up his face.

    Deep breaths.

    Pop tarts and juice, then!

    Relenting because–

    A horn honks outside. Nowhere near ready to leave!

    Hurrying through the brushing of teeth.

    Checking backpacks and lunches. Masks tucked away.

    Fighting the child’s hair. Rushing the crying child out of the house. Door’s locked.

    Get into the car.

    Phone’s missing!

    Rush back inside to retrieve the phone! Turn the lights off and relock the door.

    Back into the car.

    A headache from too little sleep sprouts, and the loud rap music isn’t improving it.

    Finally at the school. He leaves without a kiss or an ‘I love you.’

    Sad Mama noises.

    At my sister’s house, now. Thank my niece for the ride as we head in. It’s a day that my sister’s home.

    A shrill laughter. Her usual morning phone calls. Much chaos as she searches for her things and heads out.

    No time to relax as my two great nieces burst through the front door. Wake the other niece.

    Arguments.

    Playing.

    Laughter.

    Schoolwork.

    More arguments.

    Lunch!

    Headache worsening.

    Wailing!

    Naptime.

    Homeschooling finished for the day!

    Retrieve the boy.

    Home at last!

    Homework then clean up.

    Supper, bath, storytime.

    More clean up.

    He sleeps!

    Quietness at last.

    1. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      I really like the use of quick snappy action to portray the feeling of confusion and chaos. Its a very effective technique that makes the story not only very fast paced, but the line breaks also make it digestible. The whole thing reads so quickly, its like a storm of perfectly paces chaos to make a wonderful point. I like this one, a unique stylised take on the prompt. 🙂

      1. Thank you, Assassin! I had another story for this prompt, but this idea spoke to me louder. This is what it’s like on a typical day for my kiddo and myself. I’m glad this story achieved its purpose. Thank you so much for your review and feedback. It’s always appreciated!

    2. TheWanderingMind (cansasdale) Avatar
      TheWanderingMind (cansasdale)

      Very interesting writing style this week, I like it. Have you done it before? You executed it very nicely. It was fast, but not so fast that you couldn’t understand what was happening. It gave a feeling of madness, like a never-ending adrenaline rush. This is a neat and affective direction to go for this prompt. The world seems so much quieter after constant chaos, and that moment of peace is like a drop of water in the dessert. 🙂

      1. Thank you, Cansas! No, actually. This is my first time writing a full story in this style. I’m glad it wasn’t distracting and flowed well. I’m also very thankful that the pacing gave you a feeling of adrenaline and chaos, as well as that last line being effective. I’m really happy that you enjoyed it!

    3. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Oh wow, this is genuinely a kind of nightmare for me, if I put myself in your shoes here. As I found out *attempting* to work retail, even when I’m trying to be fast, I’m still three times slower than everybody else. I know for a fact that just the stuff that was done up to 6:12 would have taken me 45 mins and that’s with fairly significant mental effort, let alone all the chaos and complications of everything else.

      Likewise, the overwhelming noise of everything conveyed, of time eroding away and new, complicated tasks summed up into single words or pairs slamming into the text one after another with no respite till the very end. Honestly in many regards this story scares me conceptually a lot more than the majority of the intentionally scary stories. But to be fair, I’ve never been much a fan of reality in general.

      Really effective work! I dunno if the effect it had on me was the one it was meant to have, but deffo strong stuff regardless. <3

      1. As always, I appreciate your magnanimous review. Understandably, not every day feels this way or is even like this, but more days are like this than they aren’t. It’s compounded by the fact that they sometimes blur together.

        I wasn’t expecting anyone to feel afraid by this, but I can definitely see why you would. Especially if you’re not used to this kind of constant chaos. I’m really thankful you enjoyed the story. Thank you so much for liking it, even if it is scary!

    4. Tale Foundry Avatar
      Tale Foundry

      Awwww Luna this is so good!!

      First off, great job packing an ENTIRE DAY into 350 words! That’s heckin’ brilliant! The way you go through the whole day as just thought after thought after thought is fantastic. The order of thoughts, yet the chaos that causes them… it’s so well done!
      The life of a mama is hectic and unpredictable, and you’ve shown that so well! Thank you for this peek into a day in the life of Luna~

      1. Dukks, your reviews always brighten my day! It’s tough, but my little man definitely makes it all worthwhile. I’m happy that you like the story. I honestly wasn’t sure if this was going to go over well, but I’m stoked that it did! Thank you for your review! 💜💜

    5. Wow, you really did a great job demonstrating the pressures of day to day life, the constant noise of your existence, and how welcome that final oasis of peace can be. I think the fragmentation does such a great job of building stress within the story, hitting every sentence like a jackhammer. So well done!

      1. Thank you, Mas! This kind of chaos isn’t every day, but it certainly feels like it thanks to the frequency. I’m very happy this one came across with the intended effect. I always love your reviews.

  17. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    Stop the World
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    “So, you said you were a musician?” Michael asked. He kept his hands deep in his hoodie pockets as they walked through the crowded park.

    “Yeah!” Colton’s face lit up. “I arrange my own pieces, play all the parts myself, and edit it together. I’m not a big name yet, but maybe one day.”

    “T—tell me more about that.” Michael tried to keep his voice level. Colton kept talking, gesturing wildly with his hands. Michael could tell he really enjoyed his work.

    He tried to focus on what Colton was saying. Tried to block out the distractions, the noise, the people, the headache—

    Michael felt his breathing quicken as his eyes started losing focus. Dang it. Not now, not in public, not with all this noise, not when Colton was here, not when Colton had been so nice, so understanding—

    “And then I—Michael?” Colton stopped. “You don’t look so good.”

    “What? Oh, sorry…” Michael murmured. His shoulders were level with his ears. “C—er, continue.”

    Colton gently grabbed Michael’s arm and pulled them to a nearby bench. “Michael, I know a panic attack when I see one. What can I do to help?”

    Michael’s eyes widened. “Oh, uh, well, er, uh—”

    They were interrupted by a child wailing while its parents ran to take care of it. Michael’s flinch caused Colton to immediately wrap an arm around Michael and pull him into a comforting hug.

    “It’s okay,” Colton whispered. “Breathe. I gotcha.”

    Michael forced himself to breathe. Used the ticking of Colton’s watch next to his ear to focus.

    The world quieted down. Michael felt his shoulders drop.

    “Feeling better now?” Colton asked softly.

    “Yeah,” Michael stood up. “Uh, thank you. It means a lot.”

    “No problem!” Colton let his arm fall away from Michael’s shoulder and jumped up from the bench. “I’ve had a lot of practice. Now, you mentioned you did work on the side?”

    “Oh, uh, logo and website design,” Michael started walking forward. “It’s not really that interesting…”

    “I’m here to listen,” Colton smiled warmly.

    Michael smiled back. “Thanks.”

    “Never an issue.”

    1. AWWWWWWW! Carrie, this is adorable and sweet and darling and wholesome! Made me get those warm fuzzies in the pit of my stomach, and it made my heart thump loudly against my ribs. I absolutely 100% need more from Michael and Colton. This seems like a very lovely friendship that could blossom into much more. Even if it doesn’t, they are both very sweet guys, and take genuine interest in each other. That’s incredibly rare for people these days.

      I love how Colton is willing to stop talking about his passion to help Michael through his hardship. His new instantly that Michael was having a panic attack because I’ve been there. I don’t know how many times I’ve wanted for someone to just hold me through the madness and the crushing feeling. Love this, Love this, Love this! A wonderful story.

    2. L. L. Marco Avatar
      L. L. Marco

      aaaah wholesome ;-; Absolutely love seeing some positive and accurate representation of panic attacks and the best way to deal with them. You really captured the struggle of trying to force yourself to appear ‘normal’ and how easy it is to become conditioned to assume you’re burdening others by simply existing with your condition. I’m really happy to read this and i’m glad it had such a lovely ending!

  18. A Promise to Keep
    By NocteVesania

    “Together, we can change the world!” Erina exclaims, waving a patchwork doll.

    “But… I’m a noble of the land!” Zeke weakly replies, holding a tiny figure of a man.

    “Then I shall give you this sword of power!” Erina says in her adorable “gruff” voice, holding a stuffed bunny to her face. She then hands Zeke a dried stick she found outside.

    They play for a while until a feminine voice calls out, “Erina! Time for your bath!”

    “Awww… But I want to play with Uncle Zeke some more!”

    Belle steps into the living room, where she finds Erina and Zeke sitting around. “Then you leave me no choice… but to take you away!” Belle chuckles as she playfully grabs Erina.

    Erina laughs, her rosy cheeks glowing with glee.

    Knock knock knock

    The joy dies down as Belle goes to answer the door. It swings open to reveal a man and a young woman.

    “Sam!” Erina excitedly shouts as she rushes up to the girl.

    Sam catches her in a loving squeeze. Belle’s attention, however, is fixated on the man.

    “What is it?” Belle glares at him, her smile now replaced by a scowl. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

    He clears his throat. “Commander, we’ve received reports of a possible target,” he says, “the Caruso is to deliver a shipment in a few days, and our scouts report a trivial security detail.”

    “The Caruso?” Belle’s stern look turns into surprise. “One of the largest spice freighters around, unguarded?”

    “It’s a trap.” Zeke declares, now standing at attention.

    “Possibly,” the visitor answers, “but think of the spoils! Spice or weapons, we can sell them and feed the village for a year!”

    Belle ponders for a second. She sighs, then faces the man again. “Let’s go.”

    She then turns to the young woman. “Samantha, watch over Erina for me.”

    “You’re leaving again, Auntie Belle?” Erina asks, her once-cheerful tone now solemn. “Will you… When will you come back?”

    Belle kneels to her. “I won’t take long, Erina.”

    “Promise?”

    “Promise.” Belle smiles, giving her one last embrace before heading out with Zeke.

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      This is very cute and interesting, Nocte. The way you wrote Erina and Zeke playing together was very adorable, and it contrasted very well with the more serious end to the story. I really liked your usage of “the joy dies down” to clearly display that contrast. Overall, this is very well written, Nocte. Great job!

    2. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      I really like this story. The playful and silly tone of the beginning contrast so well with the serious and somber tone of the ending. I love all the descriptions concerning Erina, they’re all just so cute and perfectly captures a child. My one complaint is the abundance of characters and names. It doesn’t get too much, but it does tread the line of too many. A nice, sweet story that I for one enjoyed 🙂

    3. Notce, I love that we get more from Belle and Zeke. And I didn’t know Belle has a niece! I appreciate the expansion of their worlds to show that they are not only raiders and privateers. They have home lives and families.

      I feel like there are two instances of silence in the story: when Zeke and Erina are playing, and when the visitor comes to the door. In the first case, it’s a happy peace because Zeke and Erina are playing, and that brings with its own sort of quiet. In the second case, the quiet is more tense and intrusive. Another great piece!

    4. Shaviathan Avatar
      Shaviathan

      This one seems like less of an instance of the place itself being quiet but is instead quiet in the sense that the noise of the grander world doesn’t quit reach here, or at least not yet. It’s very reminiscent of a common scene that I see in movies often, that being the one of a hero or soldier interacting with their family before being called to action. It’s commonly used as a way for people to connect with the character and care for them more but can be a bit cliché at times due to how frequently it’s used so careful with that. Other than that though this was a good take for the prompt, providing the picture of a more innocent place far from the noise of the world.

  19. JosieDearly Avatar
    JosieDearly

    One Day of Silence
    By JosieDearly

    So, somehow, and I don’t know how, the city just lost all its sounds.

    I know, I thought I was crazy when I woke up and realized I had slept in two hours past my alarm. The weirdest part was that I have it both on ringtone and vibrate.

    But, I could not hear either.

    I thought maybe I had set them to silent by accident, but I tested it over and over. I could feel my phone vibrating in my hand, but I couldn’t hear it ringing. I couldn’t hear it vibrating either.

    Maybe I’m having trouble hearing, I thought, and I tried playing music from my phone. I couldn’t hear it. I set my volume to the highest setting. Still couldn’t hear it. I held the speaker to my goddamn ear.

    I couldn’t hear a thing.

    God, I’m devastated. I know now that it’s another Emergent Anomaly, they made a text announcement and another announcement on the news, but can you imagine just hearing nothing but your own thoughts? I can’t hear the things I love so much. I tried to call my dad, I literally could not hear his voice. I can’t hear my dog barking at me. I can’t hear my cat’s purrs and meows. I can’t even hear my own music.

    Sure, the traffic no longer sounds like it’s right outside my window even though I’m several stories off the ground. I can’t hear planes flying overhead, or crows cawing hoarsely, or more aggressive dogs barking like they’re gonna bite whatever they’re barking at. But not being able to hear your own voice when you speak. That—Is this what deaf people have to deal with? I…

    God, I know it’ll only last the day. But I’m already so tired of hearing my own thoughts. I want my cat’s meows back, I want my dog’s cute little whimpers back, I want my dad’s voice back. I want my music back.

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      I really like the premise here, Josie. And what a way to take the prompt, too. I wonder if this world has “Emergent Anomalies” often, and what other forms they can take. I feel kinda bad for your narrator, even if the silence with only last a day. Overall, great piece here, Josie. Nice job!

      1. JosieDearly Avatar
        JosieDearly

        Thank you for your review! I hope to shed more light on the Emergent Anomalies in future pieces.

    2. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      I quite like this story and in specific the unique voice. I can almost picture the kind of person the narrator is by the way they speak. Great job there. I think the premise is also really interesting as well as the worldbuilding with “Emergent Anomalies”. I didn’t get much of an impact with the end though, I just didn’t really feel her pain too well since it is only for a day. Other than that I think this is a very nice story and a super interesting premise and world.

      1. JosieDearly Avatar
        JosieDearly

        Yeah, I’m not a big fan of the ending either, not much weight to it when it only lasts a day. Thanks for your review though!

    3. This is such an interesting concept that really does make you think about all the little details of what it might be like to suddenly go deaf. The more interesting thing to me is the world this sets up. This was only one kind of Emergent Anomaly, and it really leaves me wanting to know more about them and what more they could do.

    4. Lari B. Haven Avatar
      Lari B. Haven

      The premise is really interesting; it would be almost soul crushing a able bodied person to loose something so simple like hearing all of the sudden.
      Like the first time you realize you can’t actually hear something simple must be extremely confusing and uncomfortable.
      The fantastical edge of this piece also makes me wonder if this is something that happens at random to each person and if it disappears as easily as it appears.
      Great piece Josie.

  20. DesOttsel Avatar
    DesOttsel

    The breath of the earth
    by Gage Jarman

    The darkness was creeping in, slithering its tendrils into the young warrior. Here beneath the whirlpool, she felt the smooth wood of the axe in her lap. The warm humidity of the spring embraced her. The drone of the rushing water began to fade away. Bronach felt herself slipping. She was losing control. She wanted to lose control. But, she didn’t. She succumbed to this warmth. She breathed in. She breathed out. The earth around her melted into ambiguity. The walls of the cavern disappeared. She was lost in this place of darkness, of unknown serenity.

    A blue light entered her vision. A small wisp, shifting and ebbing in the rain. The light whispered. It tugged at her, pleaded. It was hungry. It wanted something. Pieces of her surfaced. Emotion. Pain. Memories. It was watching, waiting for her reply. She felt her spirit leaving, drawn by the trail the light laid. The light grew a little brighter. It didn’t have long. The wisp wrapped around her spirit. She was powerless. She couldn’t move. She struggled. Her body was gone. She couldn’t open her eyes. She couldn’t stop the vision.

    A bubble ensnared her. Drops of cool rain fell, stealing her warmth, her desire, her love. The bubble shifted. Her spirit was lightning over the forest. It stopped over toppled structures of stone and metal. The wisp went down into the depths of the ruins. She felt the eyes on her grow amused. The bubble collapsed. She couldn’t breath. A mask of ice formed on her. She was being molded to its will. She grew weaker. It was so cold.

    Hands like fire tore at the mask. The crystal shattered into dust. Vibrations rippled through her. The light faded back into the forest, into the rain. The hands came to her, touched her face softly. They were warm. She wanted–

    Bronach was breathing rapidly. Her hands were sore from gripping the axe. Those hands were familiar, and that being from the ruins… She rubbed her face with her hands and fell back with a groan. “Uuuugh, what was that?”

    1. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      I would say this is a neat way of showing death, or a deathlike scene. I could see this being the fist part of a chapter after going to another POV or having a flash back to something. Really it is a neat idea and I like the use of temperature to convey the feelings of Bronach. Also love the mask forming then saying the crystals shatter, very clear image if you’ve seen ice shatter from blunt force.

  21. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
    RVMPLSTLSKN

    The Night that Became the End (A Story from Hizkanamun’s Flesh)
    By RVMPLSTLSKN

    Mixu was alone. She’d known it as soon as the wind stopped and the light vanished. In the sudden void of sound, she knew Hafit was gone. She knew that truth but she refused to accept it.

    So she crept forward, one hand on the nearest huacakuna: those orange ochre-colored standing stones, always so rough underhand. The moonless night left her enshrouded by darkness. She found a body. She felt the arms.

    “Flesh,” she sighed both in curse and epiphany.

    Hafit had killed the priestess, Tsaji. The priestess had deserved it, of course. War was a sin as much as idleness.

    Mixu moved on. She needed to find Hafit. She crawled the perimeter of the huacakuna circle. Then she searched between the tall stones.

    Sand, pebbles and dried llama shit cling to her hands, but nothing else.

    No other corpse lay among the ruins.
    She’d seen it all, of course, silently following Hafit when he thought she’d fallen asleep. He was her uma and she would follow him until she died. She watched him ambush Tsaji, too far away to help. She’d crept closer and heard his discourse with the Dancers. Then he’d attacked and everything had gone dark.
    She felt tears on her cheekbones and lifted his nose to the world, refusing weakness in her sorrow. The weak were ruled and she was not weak.

    She used the art Hafit taught her and called on her surroundings. She sensed bronze nearby, but none of the skymetal Hafit wore over his arm. Truth; she was alone.

    She yelled her sorrow and frustration into the night air. The only sound that answered was a disturbed cock-of-the-rock.

    As dawn neared, she found the bronze. It was a tumi-axe, one of Hafit’s own. She clutched it and cast her gaze about, looking for threats, enemies, anything to fight. The realm wasn’t safe for her, not yet two handspans old, but neither would it be safe from her. This weapon was all she had left of her uma and she wouldn’t dishonor him by returning to their ayllu, their family and city. Not alone.

    1. JosieDearly Avatar
      JosieDearly

      One probable grammatical error I wanna get out of the way: “one hand of the nearest huacakuna”. did you mean “one hand ON the nearest huacakuna”?

      Other than that, wow this was gripping. It’s a threatening, foreboding silence that forces Mixu here to reflect, contemplate, and come to terms with the events that took place, and I find myself so intrigued by it.

      1. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
        RVMPLSTLSKN

        Why yes, yes I did mean that. Thanks for the catch!

        I’ve found Mixu to be an intriguing character since I started writing her. I was excited to get experiment with her outside my main WIP’s.

  22. L. L. Marco Avatar
    L. L. Marco

    Reflections (Clan Enyo Universe)
    By L. L. Marco

    Emptiness stretched in all directions as Claira, lost and confused, wandered through it. Time seemed infinite and nonexistent all at once; she had no idea how long she’d been wandering there. All she knew for sure is that something terrible had happened to her. But beyond that… nothing. She’d faded into this world’s existence like a ghost: alone, neither cold nor warm, with not even the familiar sound of a heartbeat to break the silence. She was but a part of the emptiness.

    Claira knew she wasn’t dead. Not in the normal sense, anyways; something like this seemed cruel and spiteful. She was certain this was personal and that thought remained even as the abyss corroded her thoughts. Each second that passed seemed to leach into her mind, devouring whatever thoughts she didn’t cling to.

    She couldn’t stop walking. Claira didn’t even know if she was going anywhere; each step was silent and the sensation beneath her feet was empty. But she could still see herself in the white nothingness. She existed… and because of that she continued on, carried by nothing but faith.

    “Claira…!”

    A shaky voice pierced her from somewhere in the nothingness. She ran. Claira knew the sensation of herself was missing; her lungs drew in no air and her legs held no weight. But her mind was still there and it was all that guided her through the nothingness. She held onto that voice, so familiar but just out of reach… Faster… Faster…!

    A mirror. Claira almost ran into the glass before she realized what it was. Its cool surface tore through the nothingness of her body and she pressed against it, peering through even as its surface burned her palms.

    On the other side was Charlie, stained in blood, embracing something as she sobbed. Claira’s heart sank at the sight before a chill sliced through her. Charlie was cradling a body. Her body. The vessel stared forward… Empty. Without Claira’s soul inhabiting it. Her knees felt nothing as they hit the ground. Her voice made no sound as she wept.

    1. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLSKN

      A very nice job! Am I correct in thinking this is a follow up to that “Anything for a Smile” piece?

      The piece felt, to me, like it was missing atmosphere. You describe as emptiness and “personal,” but nothing more in spite of the walking, which she couldn’t stop doing. I would have liked to see more (but word count is a thing, I know). Still, very enjoyable!

    2. JosieDearly Avatar
      JosieDearly

      Adding onto Rvmpelstlkn’s suggestions for adding atmosphere, describe the lack of sensation a little more. You did it a little bit with “each step was silent” and “the sensation beneath her feet was empty”, but you could definitely use more. What does this “empty” feel like? Is it numbing? Like walking on air? Other than that, this is such a chilling and dreadful silence to behold.

      Another grammatical nitpick because I’m insufferable: “carried by nothing by her heart and her faith.” Was it supposed to be “carried by nothing BUT her heart and her faith”?

    3. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      Wow. This piece flows exceptionally well. Something just clicked as I read it. The words all felt perfectly placed, never once did I feel as though something was clunky or strange. I like the story and the feeling of emptiness you try to describe, but I’m not exactly sure what this place she is in looks like. Is it darkness? Thats what I imagined anyway. I feel there is no visual for the world she’s in. Otherwise, I love the personal struggle she has and the description of her bodyless motions. It feels almost surreal. Now the question is whether she can come back or if she’s truly dead…

    4. Lari B. Haven Avatar
      Lari B. Haven

      A extremely moody piece Marco. I feel that the after life or even the purgatory as it seems to be in this piece can be the quiest place in existence.
      I feel that the main character must had felt a lot of confusion and anxiety from being lost that, trying in every turn to hold on to something… And in some parts I really felt it.
      It’s is lovely nonetheless.
      I liked very much!

  23. Surfing the Storm
    By Giovanna J. Fuller

    “Nurse, this patient needs an IV STAT!”

    “He’s lost too much blood!”

    “Get the paddles!”

    “She needs a tracheostomy now!”

    Iris’s eyes darted back and forth wildly, unsure what to do next.

    Should she take care of the man vomiting violently into the trashcan in the corner? Or maybe join the other nurses waiting outside for the ambulance to arrive with three car accident victims? A pile of charts were waiting for her. Should that take priority? Perhaps now was a good time to go on break, but she wasn’t scheduled for a break for another three hours.

    She could hear her heart beating as she stood in the doorway.

    Chaos was storming through the ER, turning every rational human being into a running ball of nerves ready to snap. Overworked and underpaid nurses, impatient patients, and doctors with too much on their shoulders. Chaos always worked its wicked way here. There was no stopping it or curbing it. One could only ride the wave till the end of their shift and, hopefully, save a few lives along the way.

    She was beginning to panic. The five cups of coffee, two energy drinks, and one monster sized candy bar over the course of her shift were beginning to take a toll on her brain. She was jittery, but exhausted beyond all measure. She just wanted it all to stop. It was all moving too fast. She was-.

    The young, but experienced nurse stopped. She knew what she was supposed to do. First she inhaled deeply,

    “1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10…” Chaos without. Peace within.

    She closed her eyes, and held her breath,

    “1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10…” The world is noise. The mind is silent.

    She exhaled.

    “1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10…” Now the world is muted, the mind sharp.

    She opened her eyes.

    “Iris, Dr. Peters needs more hands over here!”

    “Oh my way.”

    She was ready to surf the wave.

    1. I am not a nurse, nor can I confidently say I’ve experienced the level of stress that a medical professional has. But, I can say that sometimes, in order to get through a chaotic and stressful day, you do have to just stop for a few seconds. You just stop, take a few deep breaths, and get your head on straight to take the next step forward in the day. I think you captured this pretty well. As your reader, I felt the second-hand stress-induced anxiety. Wonderful job, GJ. Keep up the great work!

    2. TheWanderingMind (cansasdale) Avatar
      TheWanderingMind (cansasdale)

      You did a truly wonderful job making the reader feel what Iris was feeling. At least for me, I could feel my heart beat faster as Iris took in the chaos around her and the exhaustion within her, and I began taking deep breaths when she closed her eyes and started counting. Hats off to you GJ, and to all the medical professionals who deal with this everyday!

    3. I have heard interviews from enough health care professionals that have worked in a trauma unit to know that this technique (or something similar) works for at least some of them. Give in to what you’re feeling just briefly, then move past it and forcefully push the stress away to focus on the job at hand. This is really well written, GJ. I thought you did a great job on both expressing the pressures put on your character, and the feeling of zen she achieved when she had a few seconds to deal with it.

  24. Lari B. Haven Avatar
    Lari B. Haven

    Zoella’s letter
    by Larissa (Lari B. Haven)

    Saint Rita Sanatorium, September 25, 1889.

    Hello, my lover. Winds are fresher as the spring approaches again.

    It’s been so long that I can barely remember when was the last time I could write you a letter. I know you write for me all the time… But not all of them arrive, nor all of them get sent.

    Mr. Lafleur tells me they need to analyse the contents to prevent me from falling into melancholia again. So I hope you are not suffering with my departure and lack of news.

    I feel comfortable here. I accepted this little room as my room. Walking in those narrow hallways is part of my routine, and I learned to take my medicines every morning and every night without complaining.

    I miss you and our son dearly, Carlos. I have solace in the fact he still has you.

    My mind is clearer on the day I write you this letter. For the very first time in ages, I didn’t have any night terrors, or troubling thoughts. And I had to write it to you.

    Today I went to the garden to enjoy a quiet morning. The birds chirped joyfully, washing themselves in the main fountain. The breeze was cool and carried the fragrances of the Lady-of-the-Night flowers closing, and the roses were shyly blooming, one by one. Embraced by all this beauty, I felt I could breathe. For the briefest of moments, the world was quiet here. I was so happy I broke into tears; it was surreal not crying over the grievance I felt.

    My heart was light, and my mind was even lighter. I had woken up, and the sadness was not lurking behind me like a ravenous dog. Many months passed hoping for anything other than despair, and I finally felt it. It might be just a singular good day, but I don’t care. I want to believe I’m getting better.

    So wait for me, my love. I’m waiting for you.

    No more farewells, because I’ll see you soon.

    Forever yours, Zoella Anderson.

    1. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      This was a very sweet and uplifting story. I really love how warm it made me feel inside. Just a simple letter from one lover to another and one explain their triumph over depression and resolve to continue overcoming it. So sweet and powerful. The prose here is beutiful, I really liked the way you made the sensory information pop. My only real criticism is the senetecnce “I accepted this little room as my room”. I’m not a fan of using the word room twice so close together. It doesn’t flow well. Otehrwise the whole story flows wonderfully and weaves such a powerful narrative. I loved it.

    2. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      I really like you styled this like a letter for this prompt, Lari. Not only does it give the date and location, it also gives Zoella’s direct voice to Carlos. This hospital is very separate from the world, and that really ties this piece in to the prompt. I really hope Zoella and Carlos get their happy ending. Overall, awesome piece, Lari. Great job!

    3. L. L. Marco Avatar
      L. L. Marco

      This really touched me. Maybe its because of my stay at the mental institute, but I feel like you captured the sense of belonging one gets after staying a certain amount of time. Of missing the outside world but feeling at home in your new surroundings.
      The story is an interesting mix of melancholy with a touch of hopefulness at the end; there is longing and missing loved ones but you portray this in a way that doesn’t make it devistating. Instead, i feel like the longing is the price to pay for the end goal of happiness. And sharing that happiness with her loved ones is the most important thing: for that, she will suffer as long as needed.
      A really touching piece, and i love the way its formatted as a letter too!

  25. The Assassin Avatar
    The Assassin

    The Land of Silence
    By TheAssassin

    ~In the land of silence lay bodies slain~

    Naught here is heard or felt, but for the fell wind’s chill. Before me is set death, and behind me is found sorrow. The weeping for those who lay ravaged upon this wicked plain must not abate. Please O someone mourn them!

    ~In the land of silence exists only the profane~

    Even now, I see scattered blade and bow. I see horror upon the dead’s still open eyes. Lifeless. Cold. Empty. Where once abounded life, now is seen only death. My heart constricts, my eyes well. A field of corpses stretching into the eons.

    ~In the land of silence, all things grow~

    Resplendent in its glory, nature’s reclamation has begun. Where once withered; now grows. Hereupon a sacrificial foundation is birthed beauty. Through bone rises tree and under blood peaks grass. Won’t someone celebrate life?

    ~For in the land of silence goodness does bestow~

    Even now, I see scattered flowers and roots. I see the sun’s golden rays showering the land with sustenance. Life. Warmth. Beauty. Where once came death now is found life. My heart comes alive, my eyes smile. New life whose progeny will stretch into the eons.

    ~In the land of silence stand souls apart~

    And upon the silent field, the two men meet. Desolation averting the gaze of one; majesty upholding the gaze of the other. One saw death, the other life; One saw cost, the other saw reward. In all things there is balance; In the greatest battles where is seen the unholiest of massacres will soon preside life returned. One sacrifice so that nature might live again.

    ~Their words hung upon distant heart~

    Their eyes meet with a pleading search. Desperate, they look for something they will never find. They will never understand what the other feels, never comprehend how deeply the divide in their perspective truly cuts.

    ~And with great sadness do they depart~

    And thus, is left two souls alone, unable to seek the companionship they so deeply desire. For in the land of silence, one tragedy remains; words spoken aloud could have saved.

    1. I like the style you have here, Assassin. I enjoy the way the poem breaks up the paragraphs. The paragraphs have their own flow while the lines of poetry have their own. It’s a story of senseless war that could have been avoided with simple talking.

      The way in which you frame the setting makes you feel like the blood of the slain is fertilizing the grass and making everything grow. That’s a really cool but also morbid angle to take. I really enjoyed that.

      If only they had communicated with and tried to reach some form of common ground, then perhaps so much bloodshed would not have been needed. Great job!

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      At the start, I was expecting something resembling a miserable dirge – and was pleasantly suprised when the poem and prose alike started evolving into something new. The change in tone matched the change in the nature of this graveyard very effectively – it is a shame that the two perspectives cannot be shared by the same person. Instead one will remain in the dark, while the other stands in the light, both blinded to the lessons each other could teach.

      This is the most poetic prompt story I have read so far from anyone – hopefully it’s not to the level of disqualifying you! 😛 I also really enjoyed the structural paralells between the first two pairs of paragraphs – both emphasises the split in perspectives, and gives the text a nice pace in general too. Very well done! 😀

      1. The Assassin Avatar
        The Assassin

        Thank you for the nice review :). My goal here was to blend a prose story with a poem going throughout. I tried hard to get some good contrast between the two perspectives, glad it worked out. I hope it’s not disqualified because the main story is prose, but I guess everyone sees the line between poem and prose differently, so I guess we’ll see. Glad you enjoyed it!

    3. DesOttsel Avatar
      DesOttsel

      I really like this, there’s so much to dig into. How I’m understanding it right now, there was obviously a brutal war. The silence not only stands for the silence after the battle and the reclamation of nature, but the lack of communication between the two factions that could have prevented the bloodshed had they not fought. The two men seem to just symbolize the perspective on how you look at the battle. One sees senseless loss and the other sees glory and the spoils of victory. Really fun read, I loved the layout and the symbolism was on point.

  26. Twangyflame0 Avatar
    Twangyflame0

    Her World
    By Twangyflame0

    Andromea had seen horrible things before. She had lived through times of great strife for everyone…

    Except for her. That is not to say she hasn’t felt hardship, but rather to say that it never really affected her. Yes people died, but she was still alive. Sure, a nation was collapsing under rebellion or war, but she was safe on her island. If trouble came to her, she could easily destroy it or send it away. She had always been the master of her own world, and she had always pushed that world forward.

    Her world was dynamic and ever-changing. Adventurers, pirates, royalty, and entrepreneurs of all kinds had visited her and would continue to do so. She had maps of the shifting borders between nations. Her servants had recorded tales that had been long forgotten or destroyed. She could go to her study, and relive the past or predict the future.

    So why…

    Why did the world feel frozen?

    Why did everything stop?

    How long had it been since she had felt tears?

    “That is enough sulking, my bride.” The deep and heavily accented voice of von Zintler echoed through the courtyard. “You’ll ruin that pristine face of yours.”

    “GET AWAY FROM HIM!” She held Percival’s bloodied body in her hands. His skin was turning paler as he still had that stupid smile on his face.

    She didn’t acknowledge von Zintler or the other Vampires, for they weren’t part of her world. Her world was waking up to his caring voice every day. It was them walking down by the beach for a moonlit stroll. It was them trying out different teas. It was those nights of passion together. Even when the sky was gray, and the rain fell down hard, she could still hold him tight, and he would say those three words that made her dead heart beat once more.

    But the sky was gray…

    She pressed against his cold skin…

    Waiting…

    Pleading…

    “My knight… my love, I-I’m here. Please… I’m right here… all you n-need is to speak… l-let me hear your voice… please… Percival….”

    1. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      A very sad story. I love the way you describe how safe Andromeda has felt over the year. I love how you detail her escape from personal pain. And I especially love how you then describe her pain by reflecting how similar gray skies didn’t use to mean sorrow. The final line of loss is also wonderful. My critique is that when Zintler speaks, for that paragraph and the one after I was kind of lost. I understand if this is a world you previously wrote in that I missed but it took a little bit for my mind to wrap around what was happening. Aside from that brief moment of conufsion though I really enjoyed this story and it got me right in the feels. 🙂

    2. TWANGY!! You’d better fix it! Bring Percival back! It’s not fair! I do love the heavy atmosphere and details of this, though. You can feel Andromeda’s pain and anguish over potentially losing her love. Even though there are others around her, telling her that she has a higher purpose, she chooses to stay by Percival’s side. It really does feel like they are the only two in the world, and the silence is SO heavy!

      I also really love how open ended this piece is because you can take it in a few different directions. Absolutely hooked for the continuing piece!

    3. Dang it, Twangy. You got me attached to these characters in the previous installments of their world. Now, here you are, making me all upset. I’d like to know if this scene was hard to write for you. I know killing favorite characters can be painful for many authors. Percival’s been a big part, a main part, of this world you’ve created. You captured Andromea’s emotions quite well here. Wonderful story, Twangy. You certainly did well in the “ow, my heart” department.

    4. Tale Foundry Avatar
      Tale Foundry

      NOOO YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME!!!

      Technical stuff first; the pacing is fantastic. It feels like a mixture of stillness and chaos, which no doubt is exactly what Andromea is feeling inside in this moment. The word choices are perfect for the setting. Overall, it’s really well written.

      THAT BEING SAID…

      My heart is now broken into pieces at the fact that Percival seems to be at death’s door, and is STILL SMILING. My heart bleeds for Andromea and the pain she’s in.
      AND THIS ZINTLER GUY NEEDS A STEEL CHAIR TO THE FACE!!

      Well done, as always~

    5. Dammit Twangy!
      You did a great job with portraying the pain that Andromea is feeling right now. This one hurt. I feel worried for the loss of Percival too. Of course, a lot of this is also due to the way you’ve helped me grow to love them in your previous stories.
      Introducing vampires beyond Andromea was something I hadn’t actually thought of. It sounds obvious, but it just never occurred to me that they would encroach onto Andromea’s world, and the threat they could bring to her way of life.
      You’re killing me, my dude.

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