Writing Group: Given a New Name (PRIVATE)

Hello, amnesiacs and adoptees.

What’s in a name? Were you offered a chance to start over as someone else, would you take that opportunity? To no longer be yourself. To know not who you will become. Would a fresh start be worth losing your identity? The time has come to tell us who you are, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Given a New Name

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

Quite the interesting one this week, hm? So much meaning can be simply in a name alone. To be given a new name… that holds a whole other kind of significance to it. It’s not just choosing a name. It’s also changing a name from what it used to be.

A prime, and rather wholesome example of this is when one decides to adopt a pet from a shelter, going through all the paperwork and assigning the pet a new name if they so choose. Another example is scientists finding a new planet or star far off outside of their home solar system. Alternatively, it could be a race of aliens deciding to make our planet their home, but changing its name from Earth to something else, perhaps something meaningful in their native language. It could be an adventurer lost in the woods as they search for this coveted great beast, only to come across a small, secluded village that calls the beast something else. It can even be as simple as a bride finally taking her new husband’s family name as the wedding bells toll.

Perhaps the given name isn’t even wanted. It could be a mother who has been given a son, but wanted a daughter, and forces the child to go by a name she would have given her daughter. Maybe it’s a race of vampires that are called a rather demeaning name by the human populace of the city they inhabit. It could even be a demon who has made accidental friends with a human who keeps messing up the demon’s name. It can even be some evil overlord that’s been mistaken as a pet, and while the owner can’t understand its new companion, the overlord very much understands how not-so-intimidating the name “Mister Pookyflooflekins” is.

So venture forth and introduce — or reintroduce — us to the colourful cast of characters you bring to life. Show us what a name can mean, what it can be worth.

To quote the fair Juliet, “that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

—Shawna

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Friday at 7:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit, and get ready to help each other improve their confidence in their writing, as well as their skill with their craft!

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We read at least four stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and two of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

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Comments

77 responses to “Writing Group: Given a New Name (PRIVATE)”

  1. Matthew (Handsome Johanson) Avatar
    Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    The Phantom of the Halls
    by Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    On that day, I was visiting the Whitman Conservatory on campus to attend my brother’s senior recital. As I pushed upon the large wooden doors at the entrance, I checked my phone to see if my parents had arrived.

    “We’re going to be late, sweetie. Our flight has been delayed.”

    I frowned and put my phone away.

    Finding myself very early, I decided to roam the halls of the old building. The Conservatory had been built not long after the University was chartered, and the age definitely showed. I loved it.

    As I happily strolled through the halls, I ran into an older looking man, who was dressed very nice, as if he was expecting to perform soon. He didn’t acknowledge me at first, but when I called out to him, he turned, and his eyes grew wide.

    “Y-you can see me?” He stammered.

    “Of course!” I smiled at him, realizing what I was talking to. “What is your name, sir?”

    The man sighed. “My name seems to have been forgotten. The rare people who see me call me ‘The Phantom of the Halls.’ No-one remembers the old, washed up and dead musician, I suppose.”

    “Nonsense! What was your name while you were alive?”

    The man paused for a moment, pulling at the depths of his knowledge. Finally, he spoke up. “I believe it was Johannes Becker.”

    His anxious expression relaxed as he saw my face light up. “Oh! I know you! You’re the famous violinist virtuoso that died tragically in an accident a couple decades ago. It was really big news.”

    He chuckled lightly. “That’s me. Do you happen to know what happened to my precious violin?”

    I slowly nodded. “I believe i-it was destroyed in the fire. I’m sorry.”

    The man sighed. “Oh well. It was a long shot, I suppose. It gets very boring at the Conservatory. I’d like to start practicing again..”

    I smiled warmly at him. “I’m sure we can find a way to kill your boredom. Would you like to join me for my brother’s recital?”

    He nodded and smiled. “I would be honored.”

    1. This was a nice, wholesome story, Matt. It’s nice to deal with a ghost that just enjoys his music, and wants to remain in the place he used to make it, without trying to scare everyone. The main character bonding with the ghost of Becker was really sweet. Nice job.

    2. Lari B. Haven Avatar
      Lari B. Haven

      That was really wholesome indeed. Just a old ghost hanging out with another young musician that knew who he was despite nobody else remembering.
      This feels like a story I would love to see on a children’s book for some reason. Maybe it’s because of how the ghost and character bonding, feel like a fun premise for lots of shenanigans.
      Love it Johanson!

  2. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    Monster Hunt
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane (In collaboration with Lunabear & Deviacon)

    Adrenaline pumped through Jennings’s system as he ran through the streets. The young man couldn’t stop smiling. He’d found one. He’d finally found one. Now the hunt was on. Jennings skidded to a halt, knelt down and sniffed the ground. The hint of animal musk followed by a faint smell of iron. It was stronger. It was close. Jennings pulled his hunting knife, a wicked serrated blade, and stalked towards his quarry.

    It stood there in an alleyway. Or it seemed like it stood there. Jennings couldn’t tell. It looked like a person, but it was flat, as if someone had cut out a human-shaped hole in reality. Poking through that hole were thousands upon thousands of sharp onyx teeth. There were so many that if there was a body, Jennings didn’t see any indication. He did hear a voice emitting from it. It was talking to a child. Jennings smiled. Perfect.

    Surging forth, Jennings scooped up the child, his knife at the child’s throat.

    “Stop right there, monster!”

    The thing let out a throaty laugh, its black fangs swaying. “Is that the best you can do, hunter?”

    Jennings smiled. “I can do a little better, Onyraxis.”

    The laughing stopped, and the teeth squirmed like dying worms. The silhouette in reality spasmed and slowly shrank.

    “Where’re you going, Onyraxis?” Jennings taunted. “I thought you were unkillable!”

    “T-to think a human could name me…” There was a gurgle as black ichor sprayed forth, coating the alley. Jennings guessed that was its blood. With some more convulsions, the creature, Onyraxis, lied still before burning away in amber flame. The ashes whipped on the wind towards Jennings and into his pocket. Putting away his knife, the hunter dug into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. At the top in cursive was the name “Onyraxis”.

    “I did it.” Jennings laughed because it was the only thing he could do. “I did it!”

    Suddenly, he felt a pain in his right arm. The arm that held the kid. Jennings looked down. The kid had bitten him, black fangs burrowing into his skin.

    1. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      A creature that is killed by naming it. After I read the story, I figure the “kid” is responsible for it’s existence, existing as a “vector” for the Onyraxis infection. The “kid” is a nice twist where it feels like you should’ve seen it coming but just didn’t, just like the hunter. Of course, the question is what happens next. The description of the Onyraxis is also really interesting, I like it. Good stuff!

      1. Gregory Hess Avatar
        Gregory Hess

        After reading Luna’s story, it turns out my impression was exactly wrong. The Onyraxis infected the kid, which is for some reason not what I expected

    2. Third one! Again, loved how the three of you worked together on this one. There is a good mix of creepy horror description and action in your story. It fits well with the other two pieces. You three did such a great job with it, bringing your own styles to the viewpoint of each character. The thought that Jennings could kill the creature through the use of its name was a nice touch that harkens back to several ancient mythologies. Really enjoyed this.

  3. Tainted Shade
    By Derek McEldowney (Deviacon)
    (In collaboration with Lunabear & WolfsbaneX)

    The Man-shaped Thing with no name stalked the streets. It enjoyed what it did, how it lived, relished it even. All it needed was a name and it would creep and seep into its victims mind; devouring them with madness from the inside out. The last thing they would see, was its quivering ebony smile.

    It had gorged itself too carelessly for too long, overconfident, arrogant. It wasn’t long before it drew the attention of those who wanted it dead.

    The Man-shaped Thing with no name could sense the hunter on its trail, he wasn’t the first. But this one was different, inhuman perhaps, or just special somehow. The silhouetted shape had never met a victim it could not probe, could not read; could not outsmart.

    After all, all it needed was a name.

    As cruel fortune would have it, the Man-shaped Thing found its way to a small child huddled up for warmth deep in an alley. It was a familiar child that had offered up others in their place previously. The Man-shaped Thing had spared them before, and couldn’t place exactly why. But this could be its answer now.

    “Tell me, precious one. What’s your name?”

    The child looked up expectantly at the familiar shadow in the shape of a kind adult and hesitated, ashamed and scared.

    “Haven’t got one, not a real one.” The quivering voice of a small girl answered.

    The ebony teeth of the shadow twisted into a crescent smile.

    “Then you shall need a new one.” To take a name would be to devour, to give a name would be an exchange of power. A different way, a new way; a final, single word that would slither into the child’s soul where the shadow could infect her and live on through her. It would protect her, change her.

    With a sinister snickering smile the Man-shaped Thing leaned in and uttered a single word into the child’s ear.

    “Angel.”

    1. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLSKN

      0.o

      That got so much worse than I expected. The line “infect and live on” makes me wonder; does MST possess the victim or does it convert the victim? Perhaps it feeds on their lifeforce, while still being a distinct being?

      The two characters here were well shown. We get an immediate sense that the girl is a pragmatist. She is more than willing to sell others’ fates and lives to save her own namelessness. MST has a wicked sense of humor, as it is. “Angel” is perhaps the most specific and most vague name, full of connotations and derivative meanings.

      Well done, as usual, Deviacon!

    2. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      A creature that just needs your name. Maybe not even your real one. It exercises power through your name, killing or infecting. So, very interesting. Though I suspect the seemingly clever hunter will kill it easily, though may not find the new infected vector until it is far too late. Very good story, nice horror, well done!

    3. This was a cool project that the three of you worked on. I really enjoyed how the stories meshed together, each told from a different character’s viewpoint, and with each of you employing your own signature styles, but still fitting with one another. There’s some very interesting description and word-usage here; I like how the nameless creature is called a Man-shaped Thing, and how all description of it seemed to ooze maliciousness. Very well done.

  4. Transitional Rage
    by Lunabear (In collaboration with Deviacon and WolfsbaneX)

    The hard ground and chipped bricks had been more of home to the little girl than anything she could remember. It was cold, but she was used to it.

    Rats squeaked loudly as they raced under discarded newspapers and dug through garbage. Hunger ate at her insides, but she wasn’t allowed to eat yet.

    He had promised the transformation would be finished soon.

    Warmth beat out the chill as she thought of him. He had been a much better parent than her own mom and dad.

    It didn’t matter that the home he gave wasn’t physical. It wasn’t an issue that she lured in other children to feed him. They provided for one another and took shelter in each other’s company.

    A long, swaying shadow at the mouth of the alleyway snagged her attention. She smiled broadly.

    ~He’s here!~

    He was flat, like a man-shaped hole, with rows and rows of sharp teeth covering him. That was okay, though.

    He glided forward and stood above her. She felt entirely safe.

    “Tell me, precious one. What’s your name?”

    Fear and sadness washed over her. Her face fell in shame as pain cocooned her heart.

    She looked into where his face was supposed to be.

    “Haven’t got one. Not a real one.” Having no name was another thing they shared. She had thrown hers away when she had left those despicable people.

    His dark teeth formed a crescent. “Then you shall need a new one.”

    At her nod, he put his lipless form to her ear and rasped, “Angel.”

    Her gums ached in agony. Her heart thumped against her chest, as though it wanted out. She writhed and folded into herself. She groaned and whined through the torture.

    Everything receded in the wake of the torment coiling inside her. She couldn’t even scream.

    Reality returned slowly. Her heart steadied as her vision sharpened. Fangs widened her jaws.

    A tall man blocked the alleyway, but her guardian was gone.

    Only ashes remained.

    ~NO!~

    A cold rage filled her. On instinct, Angel lunged at the murderer and sank her fangs deep into his arm.

    1. Ah now this is interesting.

      I do not quite understand what the Guardian is or what “Angel” becomes, tho its definitly something inhuman. I wonder if Angel has become a teeth-filled hole or if she has to grow into it.

      In any case this is an amazing interpretation of the prompt. A name carries identity, a meaning. Some names have to be filled by you, other have millenia old meaning that baerly change you. Others are titles that show the world who you are.

      “Angel” seems to be somewhere inbetween. It gives the Girl a new being, a new identity but at the same time who she was is still there, filling this new name.

      Amazing story Luna!

    2. DesOttsel Avatar
      DesOttsel

      Ooo, these three stories were so much fun, I really like the new information you gain with each perspective shift. However, I felt the transformation was a little lacking. I thought it needed a little more supernatural description to it. The heart pounding is good, but what would the sensation of this entity feel like as it became a part of her besides pain. Don’t be afraid to get weird. It already has a sentient silhouette of shadow and teeth. Describe the darkness swirling within her, a whirlpool siphoning her into its depts. grinding her essence down to dust between its teeth and stitched back together with inky black viscosity.

    3. Cansas Smith Avatar
      Cansas Smith

      Let me just start by saying, the description in this piece is absolutely phenomenal! The phrase “man-shaped hole” is very interesting and different. To me, it implied a certain lacking in humanity in the entity it’s describing.

      I’m so curious as to what circumstances lead this broken little girl to the creature. Anyone who leads other children to be eaten by it, must have a fascinating back-story.

      I’d love to read more about what happens to Angel in the future! Y’all did a great job!

    4. This is a neat project that the three of you undertook this week. The way you each took on a separate character within the same story, and each of you exhibited your own separate style, and yet the stories meshed together so well. It seemed fitting that you took on the viewpoint of the young girl-turned-vampire for this one. There is a certain level of childlike innocence apparent in your story that works very well. Loved it.

  5. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    Names come and go
    By Jesse Fisher

    Within the domain of Korun, the heterochromic eyed god looked out to all parts of his realm. The many versions of Zeus seemed to be having a zeus-off, who had the better lighting bolts, who could harass the most creatures, and who could out run the other’s storms.

    “And it is times like this that I locked them up in that room.” Korun said as he moved to another glass in need of cleaning. “The last time they had one of those in the main hall it was almost war on several universes.”

    His eyes then shifted to his wait staff, making stuff appear might have been easier but he was not omnipotion. First was a poor goddess that left her world to live here, reading up the mix known as draconequus, she wore a mundane waitress outfit over the mix of lion fur, dragonic scales and feather belly. She was a near open book, it did not help that she was more than willing to chat up any that would listen.

    She was a bright spot in the bar, while her other half seemed to invite the dark into itself. That was the next spot Korun looked, a dark dank section that many dark gods moved to and requested the wolven waiter almost by name. The owner saids almost due to how each one gave him a different name, which confused the keeper. When said dark navy wolf came with the used dishes it seemed like the best time to bright this up.

    “So,” The well dressed man asked, looking at the pile in front of him. “What’s with all the names from that group of clients?”

    The yellow eyes of the wolf just looked from the pile to his boss.

    “Demon is my easy to say name.” He replied awkwardly. “Due to being a personal demon born out of emotions. The base name is adfectus daemonium, or some form of that. It is hard to say as many have different places in their universe.”

    “So they are just saying what you are?”

    “Pretty much.”

    1. Lari B. Haven Avatar
      Lari B. Haven

      This a fun twist on the name part of the prompt. I love how you create the scenario, I was able to imagine it pretty easily.
      Almost all clients calling the Wolf a different name it’s painfully relatable.
      If in real life many people sometimes need to deal with the butchering of their names, I can only imagine how hectic it would be in a interdimensional level.
      Really cool story Jesse!

  6. Cansas Smith Avatar
    Cansas Smith

    Reforge A Broken Killer
    By The Wandering Mind (aka Cansas)

    “What is your name?”

    “My name… is Elda,”

    Malacom sighed in exasperation. The Wolf Lord was pleased that he created such a determined soul, but frustrated that he could not break and retrain her.

    “You’re only prolonging your pain, Dale,” he said with false sympathy.

    A raspy cry erupted from Elda’s throat as Malacom dug his talon like claws into her flesh.

    “You are Dale Lykrus, commander of the Gundulf Army.”

    Elda wanted to die, bound to that table, sweat and tears pouring down her face. There was no escape; her body fused itself back together before death could free her. But she wasn’t about to give Malacom what he wanted.

    Elda spat in his face. “My name is Elda.”

    “You inherited my endurance,” Malacom said smiling. He wiped her saliva from his boney face. “Unfortunately, you also inherited your mother’s empathy. Warmonger, come here.”

    A hunched over figure scuttled into the small room. It was a gundulf. The gundulves were a kind of wolf Malacom mutated and conditioned to serve him.

    “Yes, my lord,” Warmonger said bowing before Malacom.

    “Ready the cage.”

    “Yes, my lord” Warmonger said grinning then scuttled off.

    Malacom stroked Elda’s face.

    “Let’s see how long it takes to smother that fiery soul of yours.” He spoke softly, but the words cut like steel.

    Elda surrendered after the second day in the cage. She had no problem killing the drunken idiots Malacom sent in. But when he sent a young man, who’s wife and son were being held by the gundulves, she refused.

    Malacom gave the man to the gundulves. His wife and son watched the gundulves slowly tear him apart, before suffering the same fate.

    After that day, Elda slaughtered every man woman and child Malacom sent in.

    On the 634th day Malacom saw the last spark in Elda’s soul die, as she choked a man to death without so much as blinking.

    He waited one more month, then knelt in front of her and asked, “what is your name.”

    “Dale Lykrus, commander of the Gundulf Army,” she replied.

    1. *breaths in sharply trough teeth*

      This feels like the polar opposite to my own story, and I love how you used the Prompt.

      I am not sure if I understood correctly, but either Elda used to tbe Dale but tried to leave that life behind, or Malacom wanted Elda to be Dale and something went wrong at the very start allowing her to become Elda.

      In any case this a dark, yet very fascinating story. One part of me is curious as to how far the self-healign can go, and the other wonders what makes Elda worth all this effort…

      Excellently written story! I hope we see more of them, both after and before this point in time!

    2. InkySegno Avatar
      InkySegno

      One thing I love in stories is seeing people’s takes on mental states, and this one is certainly amazing in it’s way of showing how outside stimuli can change a person. The way it ends with Elda becoming a completely different person is a dark, sickly twist on the idea and I very much love it.

      For a moment I was wondering if maybe Elda was maybe suppressing memories of being or trying to move forward from being Dale, but regardless this story was still really good.

  7. A new Home, A new Future
    by Exce

    Sparks rose from the fire as one of the teenagers used a stick to shift one of the logs.
    Conversations were sparse, and some of the younger children had curled up to sleep, whilst the older ones were still fascinated by their new surroundings.

    It had nearly been two weeks since they had left Calidora, and far longer since they had been exiled from their homes. Their minds reeled still from everything.

    The older ones, who could at least grasp at understanding their fate, did only a little better themselves. But even so they knew that they had to help the children, the toddlers.

    So one of them spoke up. “Hey! Now that we finally have some peace and quiet we have a big decision to make.”

    Those not asleep looked up, confusion visible on their faces.
    The older Drakon clapped his hands, a convincing smile on his face. “We need a new name! We can’t just be ‘Drakons’; those were defeated and broken. We can’t be a ‘red’ or ‘black’ clan because we are both! Working together!”

    There was a murmur of agreement, immediately replaced by a low thrumming of overlapping voices.

    He let them go on. It was good to see them active, but when he heard someone quite seriously suggest “-Bruised Drakons, because Red and Black and-” he decided that they had enough time. “We need something that truly describes us, something-”

    A small, faintly glowing root closed around his wrist and the voice of an older woman echoed in his mind.

    >Find a common ground. Something that unites all of you. Something that will never change, no matter how old you may grow, or how much your number may increase. Not something as simple as hair or eye colour. Choose something everyone will see themselves in<

    The teenager gave a gasp as the presence retreated from his mind, but her words left an idea.

    An Ideal.

    “We will be the Free Drakons, the Free folk. Unbound by our past, and united in our future.”

    For a moment there was silence, then a roar of agreement.

    1. I like this one, Exce. There’s an air of hope after what be a state of dread and confusion of being a defeated people, forced into exile. The unnamed teenage Drakon has taken the role of leader, and although the presence in this root that has spoken to him has guided him in a way, I suspect that it will fall to him to be the one to help his people survive in the times ahead. Still, an uplifting ending, even if the fight ahead will be tough.

    2. I agree with MasaCur, very uplifting, and definitely a fun take on the prompt. Names carry a certain weight with them used as a label for a people and can set the tone for how a group wishes to be perceived.

      Beyond some minor punctuation woes, I feel like you did a nice job intermingling small bits of action/description in between bits of dialogue. You seem to have a nice sense of beat, no easy feat in 350-words or less, to be sure.

    3. Ooooooh. This was a surprisingly uplifting piece. Definitely not what I expected going into it, but I like it quite a bit. You did a great job handling the tonal shift here – I mean, the story itself definitely helped some; a bright, resolved period after a dark one feels natural enough – but it was a very nice transition here, building at a fairly quick clip towards the conclusion.

      Regarding form and style, it reads pretty nicely. It’s pretty straightforward, utilitarian prose, and I think you used it well; I especially liked some of the verb phrase choices, like “low thrumming” and “someone … seriously suggest”. There was one thing that felt a bit odd to me, though – the beginning honestly strikes me as very 3rd person omni, and the phrase “So one of them spoke up” really solidified that; however, not long after we start mixing in internal thoughts and using “he,” which felt very jarring to me. It took a second read to realize that the Older Drakon, the first one who spoke up and the pov character were all the same person. I’d have considered possibly replacing the “So one of them had spoke up” line with something along the lines of “So he had spoken up”, retroactively reframing the earlier narration as being his own narration / thoughts rather than being in a separate narrator pov.

      Now, concept-wise, this is just so fun. It was way brighter in the end than what I had originally expected, and it was really refreshing to read. Now, the prompt-related bit was fairly straightforward – their group being given a new name, a sort of embodiment and label for what they needed and aimed to become – but in my opinion the more interesting bit about this is less about the direct connection and more about the idea of names as labels here. The voice’s “Choose something everyone will see themselves in[.]” highlights it almost directly – names having the power to bring people together and separate them. This is a fascinating thing to tackle, in my opinion, and honestly except for magic systems with “true names” and that type of thing I don’t see it used directly too much. I love this much more direct take on it. Very well executed on the idea, Exce.

      Overall, this was a really solid tale you’ve woven here. I really love the tone and character it has – it manages to strike a balance that in my opinion falls solidly on both the brighter and more heroic sides of the spectrum, and do it in a very inspiring way. Great job, mate!

    4. Cansas Smith Avatar
      Cansas Smith

      A group to young to have suffered so much, banding together to find hope in their future? Please give us more!!

      I am absolutely in love with this story!! It sounds like there is a lot more to this world. There’s so much I’m curious about! What caused them all to leave Calidora and be exiled from their homes?

      I love that it doesn’t matter so much why they are in the position there in (it’s just fun stuff to wonder about) What matters is that they’re there in the moment. The focus is on this beautiful moment.

      Man, this is so good! Truly wonderful job!

  8. Gregory Hess Avatar
    Gregory Hess

    IPAU standard[Aleph null sci fi universe]
    By Gregovin

    I walk toward the meeting as I process.

    The planet’s dead. I’ve known that for… a week now. Still don’t freaking believe it. Bernard-C is a desolate wasteland that once had life.

    Things are changing so fast on the ship. Reconfiguration for long term habitation or something like that.

    I still know where the meeting is being held though, at least there’s that. There have been 3 meetings thus far, only the first really important. If trends are anything to go by, this one will suck even more.

    I arrived at the conference room. A few of the others are already milling about. I spot Jonathan and the other big names around. I steel myself.

    A few last minute arrivals trickle in. Then Jonathan clears his throat. The room goes quiet.

    “Ladies and gentlemen, the third meeting of the… we should probably come up for a name for these huh.”

    A voice calls out from behind me “what about the ‘what the fuck do we do now’ council, or WFDWDN for short”

    A snicker passes through the room.

    Jonathan keeps calm as he replies pointedly. “Well, I’ll take that for consideration”.

    Silence passes. Awkward silence.

    Jonathan moves on. “Well, let’s proceed to the schedule then. Let’s see, Michelle Arthur, you are first up.”

    A person with a biosuit approximating a dull pink dress comes forward. They quietly say “Well, I know this is a technicality, but according to IPAU regulations, we have a responsibility to rename this planet. Of course, that would be much more… valuable had Bernard-C had an extant biosphere, but due to the presence of even extinct life it does fall under the special nomenclative rule set.”

    A collective sigh passes through the room. Is this seriously the most important use of our time? Seven days ago we were in emergency mode due to a major crisis, but now everything is back down to bureaucratic hell? I am so not coming next meeting.

    1. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      I’m with the MC here, why are we doing paper work when that is the least important thing. How many people are on this ship? How long are the supplies going to last? Also why not go with the WFDWDN it kinda fits the reason to meet.

      Really good story Greg, I think it is a related one to another you did but can’t recall at the moment. Love seeing more of this world.

    2. Nice, fun story here! I enjoy also that the theme is double-used in this piece, too.

      While I’m not personally a fan of first-person narratives, I will say that using it here is a good idea. It really humanizes things and allows the reader to dive into the mind of a character—if even just superficially—to feel that lethargic annoyance of submitting to bureaucracy.

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      This is very interesting take on the prompt. It makes sense in this world that designs and studies planets that bureaucracy would dictate the naming of a new planet comes first. I find it odd to read this in present tense and there are some small grammar mistakes. Thankfully the grammar mistakes don’t take away from the story. Good job, Greg.

  9. PixieWings Avatar
    PixieWings

    Stage Name
    By PixieWings

    The name was Malice’s favorite part.

    Scouting talent was a thrill. There was a discovery in each puzzle piece of a person. And watching them finally perform was always a joy.

    But the name made them hers.

    Clair.

    Clair, Malice suspected, was not her real name.

    A giant of a woman, draped in midnight velvet and cupping a crystal ball, had appeared from the ether in the mouth of the tent. She’d be joining the circus, she’d said, and she’d come with a name to match the crescent mirrors dangling from her ears.

    Clair de Lune.

    How could Malice refuse?

    Richard.

    Richard, Malice knew, was not nearly a grand enough name.

    A short, dense man in an old leather jacket had gotten into a fist fight behind the big top. He’d broken his first attacker’s nose, then shattered the kneecap on a second, all the while shouting that he was always stronger, always better.

    The Strongman Achilles.

    In retrospect a bit backhanded, but appropriate, Malice thought.

    The Angel.

    If the Angel had ever had a name, Malice had never known it.

    A thin, masculine figure had been breaking into the fun house, wearing a cloak and the mask of a grinning devil. It’d stalk the rooms to spook stragglers into her set traps, shrieking with laughter. Then it reached the hall of mirrors, where the mask would come off, and it’d stare into the halo fanning out from its temples with a loathing sharpened to a razor’s edge.

    Enmity.

    Malice felt it was perfect.

    Mary Alice.

    Mary Alice, she remembered.

    A little girl, her hair pulled up in a purple ribbon, had gotten lost at the circus. The swirling colors, the screaming sounds. The chaos had felt like coming home, as if this was where she’d always belonged. She had wandered before the mirrors too. They had shown her a grin of jagged teeth.

    Malice.

    The name was always her favorite.

    1. Woah, Pixie! That was a turn. Honestly, the name “Malice” should have been a sign that this was going to be on the darker side of things, but I’m clearly not the brightest when it comes to picking up hints. The way it became more and more unsettling and horrifying as it went along was amazing.

      Now, grammar and syntax-wise, this is definitely on point in my opinion. It reads great and the prose is, in my very amateur opinion, great. The descriptive word choice was especially good (“loathing sharpened to a razor’s edge,” “crescent mirrors dangling”) and I also really enjoyed the interior-thought moments during Malice’s narration (“in retrospect a bit backhanded,” “How could Malice refuse?”). This read so well as a 3rd limited pov, and I’m quite frankly worried at getting *too* carried away by it because of how much I loved it.

      Content of the story-wise, this was very interesting. Unfortunately, I’m not all that good at parsing the more cryptic stuff, but we have a pretty clear timeline of Mary Alice > interacts with mirrors > Malice > brings others / others join? / new names given. This presents an interesting detail, I think, in the fact that whatever over time turned Mary Alice into Malice existed previously to her arrival, and I find myself wondering what makes this circus the way it is? Anyway, just conceptually I like this idea of a character being given a new name (though not literally) and then becoming the name-giver – it’s a good implicit character shift to go with the more immediately evident receiving a name bit.

      Don’t really have anything much for constructive criticism – the grammar is notably better than anything I’ve managed, and both concept and execution were excellent. I don’t have anything to give that isn’t really just a matter of taste.

      Overall, this is definitely one of my favorites from the writing group so far. You did an *excellent* job on this one, Pixie. The ambience of this piece was quite unique despite using a circus as an almost-horror setting and the actual execution was solid. Standing ovation, here. This was top-tier.

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This was great! Right from the start I knew this could easily turn supernatural and was looking for the moment it would become explicit – it’s testement to your writing quality that you kept me guessing for over half of the story about if there truly was a supernatural element or not, before the escalation of the strangeness of this circus was finally revealed, appropriately enough, with the mirrors that seem to reveal a core truth about the person that looks into them.

      Or perhaps, transforms them for the act of looking. Like a funhouse mirror that corrupts the image of whoever looks into it – except here, the corruption may spread into the person outside the mirror too, and even distort or modify their very name to fit the Circus’s design.

      Either way though, while the Circus is highly sinister, it feels sorta positive in a way too. All these people, changed though they may be, all seemed drawn to this place by something deep inside them, and now maybe their lives are better than they once were? Or maybe that just applies to Malice (whose name reveal I absolutely loved), who certainly seems to have perfectly made her home in this place.

      A story both deeply sinister and characterful then. I would love to see more of these characters and how this world works. Excellent job Pixie! <3

    3. I’m so glad we got to see a return to this circus! It was interesting seeing glimpses of the other characters that make up the performers. Quickly hearing their original names, quick stories, and then new names was wonderfully transformative. Ending with one last name and story only to reveal it was the narrator’s own was fantastic.

  10. A Rose By Any Other Name
    By MasaCur

    Thoth skipped into the restaurant portion of the ramen shop, bouncing excitedly. “Tormund! Guess what?”

    Tanoshi didn’t even bother to look up from his text book. “That’s not my name, Thoth.”

    “I know what your name is Tiffany! Now guess what news I have?”

    “Clearly it’s not that you’re going to put in an effort to learn people’s names.” Tanoshi let out a sigh. “I give up. What?”

    “I’m sponsoring a girl who is coming here to study.”

    Tanoshi lowered his book. “Study what? Study in school, or study magic.”

    Thoth stroked his beard in thought. “I think both.”

    “So what’s her name?” It occurred to Tanoshi that this was a foolish question. “You know what, never mind. When’s she expected?”

    “Any minute now.”

    Tanoshi stared at Thoth for several seconds, unsure if Thoth had employed a figure of speech, or if he was being literal.“So…’

    Thoth pulled out a ring from his pocket and started polishing it.

    “Are you even listening?” Tanoshi asked, clearly aggravated.

    Thoth started to twist the ring in his fingers, murmuring softly. He appeared to be reading an incantation engraved on the inside of it.

    “THOTH!”

    Thoth finished the spell, and a dark-haired girl spontaneously appeared in the middle of the restaurant.

    Thoth grinned. “There you are, Abigail!”

    The girl turned and bowed. “Lord Thoth, I presume?”

    “That’s me!”

    “Thank you so much for agreeing to sponsor me while I’m here,” the girl said. She noticed Tanoshi sitting nearby. “Hello, I’m…”

    “This is Abed Kropatchek!” Thoth announced. “Andrew, I’d like you to meet my protege, Theresa Marchand.”

    The girl stared at Thoth. “No, that’s not exactly right!”

    Tanoshi let out a chuckle. “Get used to it, mademoiselle. Lord Thoth doesn’t get anyone’s name right. It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m Tanoshi Marchand. The only reason he got the last name right is he uses it too.”

    The girl bowed to Tanoshi. “Hello, I’m…”

    “I’ve already introduced you, Alexa.”

    The girl glared at Thoth. “If you’re going to get it wrong, at least be consistent!” She addressed Tanoshi again. “Hello, I’m Abdi Khunshu.”

    1. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      I have wonder if Tom here is doing it just to be a dick or Terry just has something that he can not same name twice. I like the idea with this and the dynamic between Ted and Tanoshi. Clearly the woman has had years of this and just accepted that, I do wonder if she does keep track of Toby’s missaid names or would be shocked if he got it right only to get it wrong again.

      Any way great piece Masa.

    2. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      I think I understand why a lot of people find Thoth annoying now. Nicely done, Masa! I love that Thoth makes this mistakes, but at no point does it feel malicious. The trope “Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass” comes to mind. I also like the characterization of Tanoshi as someone who knows Thoth well enough to comfort others.

  11. Sitha
    by Hikitsune-Red

    What few times I’ve heard Sitha’s name mentioned by my colleagues in the Bochord have either been in curses or hushed tones. Even Lagu, my mentor, still shudders at the sound of it. While we Bryttan Wyrd live uncommonly long lives, Sitha had lived hundreds more. Supposedly, he had been poisoned four times in one night and yet was left preening his feathers while four others were found dead of unaccountable poisonings elsewhere.

    Since his exile, he made a sickening hobby of collecting names from desperate souls across the realms. He traded mostly petty favors in exchange for one from them to use (or pay for) when and how he chose. Once a name was in that book, it was just as binding as a blood oath.

    With his forced connections, it was unsurprising that he arrived outside Rodrigue’s cell on his daughter’s birthday, tome in hand. To Rodrigue’s credit, he wasn’t startled by the owl-man’s presence. He had heard stories of our kind and, after what he’d seen a month before incarceration, accepted that there were stranger things in Hyroma than bird-people bearing books.

    “Rodrigue, is it?” Sitha obnoxiously trilled.

    No reply. Sitha tilted his head so his beak ‘grinned’ (he was frighteningly good at it).

    “Your daughter’s a real fighter,” he continued. “Doctors say she’s making a miraculous recovery somehow.”

    Rodrigue grunted, smirked a little.

    “I think you and I both know how bittersweet that is.” Sitha approached the bars, his free arm seemingly slithering up one of them. “Paragon Research, I should think, will be expecting payment for that vial you stole, and with you and Chimene behind bars there’s really only one, itsy-bitsy little girl who could pay for it.”

    Rodrigue’s confidence faded, showed pale on his face. “Who are you? What do you want?”

    “Ooh!” Sitha’s glowing yellow eyes stretched wide like two moons as he pressed his face between the bars. “My two favorite, simple questions. I’m Sitha, and I want to help.”

    Sitha put forth his book, an ethereal breeze flipping the page to an empty space.

    “All I require—your name.”

    1. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLSKN

      There’s a lot to unpack here, but you use one of my favorite tropes, so how could I stay away.

      Firstly, YAY FOR DEMONIC DEALINGS AND MAGIC BOOKS! Sitha feels archetypal, but in a fresh form (birdmen aren’t as common a thing anymore).

      Your tale starts and ends strong. The narrative, unfortunately, suffers at the mid point. You shift several things at once, so I’m not certain exactly what stopped working. The main thing that shifts is the narrator voice moving from an expository 3rd omniscient to 3rd limited. The shift is a but jarring when you notice it. We go from being told Sitha’s most intimate desires to seeing Rodrigue’s reactions.
      Another thing that detracts is the references to Lagu, BryttanWyrd, and other things that the narrator expects the reader to be at least passingly familiar with. It feels almost like you gave up on trying out the narrator voice halfway through.

      Good stuff, RED! I eagerly await more of Sitha’s tale.

    2. DesOttsel Avatar
      DesOttsel

      This shifts perspectives a lot. First, we’re being told a story by the narrator, but then the narrator knows things that would be very hard for him to know like what Rorigue knew or how he acted which is much more omniscient than the storyteller point of view which reads more like gossip. I don’t mind the shift to show the actual interaction. I like that choice, but the fact that you have one in the previous paragraph’s summary to try and characterize/flesh out Rodrigue’s temperament and knowledge base makes it more incoherent as a piece.

      It was still a really fun read though.

  12. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    Eye of Zenithan
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    The fae court in Aiskwen Forest was a place of luxury. Elegant architecture accompanied by sprawling vines and beautiful flowers, and at the center of it all stood a pedestal, holding the Gem of Aiskwen, a soft violet gemstone whose very essence kept the forest thriving.

    Until the day the humans came.

    They attacked in the night, wielding weapons of iron. The fae defenses held for three hours before the walls collapsed.

    The battle ended with the sunrise. The human leader tore the Gem of Aiskwen from its pedestal and held it aloft for his cheering men.

    “After a thousand years, we have reclaimed the Crystal of Prosperity! May our ancestors watch from beyond and rejoice!”

    His forces cheered.

    The “Crystal of Prosperity” was what the humans called it, just as the fae called it the Gem of Aiskwen. A thousand years ago, a small human town used it to become a powerful city.

    And they had gotten it from the dwarves, who found it in a luscious cavern miles beneath the surface. They had named it the Tainted Stone, for its effects on the creatures of the caves are still told in dwarvish tales to scare little children and adults alike.

    But how did it end up at the bottom of the world?

    Well, I’ll tell you.

    It’s my fourth eyeball. Yes, I had four, and no, I’m not human. It’s just a little trick on your eyes, dear listener. And you won’t remember this in the morning anyway, so what does it matter?

    Thousands of years ago, I awoke as the spirit Zenithan, Protector of the Living, or something. I killed the first dragon in a duel, but lost my eye in its cave.

    I never thought my eye would have the effects it does. Or that so many people would want it all these years later.

    Sorry, where was I? Yes. I want it back. So tonight you’ll have a little prophetic dream about starting a rebellion and taking over. And when you win, you’ll return the rightfully-named Fourth Eyeball of Zenithan to me, hm?

    1. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      This is awesome Glaceon! At first, I thought it was going to be solemn and historical, but having the eye’s history narrated by it’s sassy owner is even better. The formatting is well done, I don’t have any questions about the world or who Zenithan is, everything feels well alluded to and the world setting makes sense. I would love to see more in this setting or possibly about Zenithan himself.

    2. This is such a cool way to world build through history. Following a single relic back as its changed hands over conquest time and time again. The final revelation of its true origins and importance are stunning enough, but coupled with addressing the listener really pull you into the story.

  13. MysteryElement Avatar
    MysteryElement

    To Forget
    By MysteryElement

    Empty. Every set of eyes amongst this scattering of children were empty. Everyone knew of the Changeling Protective Service, everyone knew there were orphans caught between our two worlds, but I had never realized how many. One of the clerks was showing me around, droning on about adoption protocols and how long and arduous they were, but the words seemed to float past me, ethereal and difficult to retain.

    “If you are uncertain about adopting, it would be better if you left. Half-baked pity does not get far here.” The morose elven clerk looked impatient.

    “I’m sorry, I am just…”

    My excuse is waved away with a dismissive hand.

    “Take a look around, see if anyone will talk to you.” They abruptly turn away and take a seat on the far wall.

    As I walked around the room I realized what the clerk had meant. Almost all of the children turned away as I approached. The few I had tried to converse with walked away, usually taking a small group with them.

    “Why’re you here?” a small voice asks from behind me.

    I turn to see a slight young girl, no older than six maybe. her long wet-looking black hair hung in front of her pale face, eyes like black pearls staring at me through her bangs. Her gown looked well worn, and a size too large. I kneel down, bringing myself as close to eye level with her as I can.

    “I am looking for someone. Maybe you can help me?” I say gently.

    “Who’re you looking for?” she tilts her head to the side, like a curious puppy.

    “I am looking for a friend. Someone to live with me.” I consider her for a moment. “What is your name?”

    “Oblivion.” she answered softly, scrunching her little fists into her gown. “Nessa says it’s cause momma wants to forget.”

    “I think Oblivion is a pretty name.”

    She shook her head.

    “You don’t like it?”

    “No.” She again shakes her head.

    Realizing what I am about to do, I take a deep breath.

    “Would you like a new one?”

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      This is a really adorable take on the prompt, Mystery. I can tell you’ve put a lot of effort into this piece, and it shows. The execution is great, and the whole concept has me smiling. Your narrator seems like a good person, and I hope the child-who-is-not-named-Oblivion gets to have a happy life from now on. Overall, Mystery, this story is lovely. Great job!

    2. InkySegno Avatar
      InkySegno

      I have to say first of all that this made me smile. It’s definitely one of the lighter hearted takes on this prompt but it does it well, I appreciate the narrator being a kind person who just wants to help the little girl. The end where they take a second to prepare before asking her such a life changing question was also very well done, it adds more weight to such an important situation and I love it.

      Very well done!

  14. Initial Reassignment
    By PitL

    Passengers and employees pressed in from behind, the constant momentum depositing Carter two segments further downstream than where he’d started.

    “Five millirotations to shift change,” the overhead rang out. “All new employees should report to the Human Acquisitions Bureau. Any shippers scheduled for the Europa Station run – ”

    … and now he was late, too.

    Carter sat down off to the side, accompanied by a “Starlight Enterprises”-branded plastic fern that had repeated at least once every hundred meters for the last two hours. He closed his eyes and leaned back, propping himself up against a bench.

    “Excuse me, erm – ” a voice barged in from over his shoulder. “What’s your employee number? I can’t see your badge, sir.”

    Carter startled, opening his eyes and scrambling back onto his feet. “Oh! Uh… I haven’t gotten one yet, just on my way to the Bureau for my first assignment – ” his eyes locked on the inquisitive figure. It was a security officer, on-duty, garbed in a pale grey uniform and matching identification badge. “But my name’s Carter. Carter Hall, Officer.”

    The officer raised an eyebrow. “You got an ID number yet?”

    “No.” Carter fidgeted. Maybe he should have kept testing his luck in the crowd.

    “Understood.” The officer rolled his eyes, pulling a small blinking cylinder out of his pocket. “I’ll escort you, passenger. Just keep close behind me, and I’ll make sure to back you up when you give your excuses to your supervisor.”

    Carter frowned. “Erm – I’m not sure how well you heard me, sir. My name’s Carter. I don’t mind people using it.”

    The officer’s brow furrowed. Eventually he sighed, fingering his badge. “We don’t do that here, passenger. Names. It’s company policy. They say it’s better for morale, especially on the long voyages, even if it sounds… odd.” He paused. “I’m not entirely sure what to call an unassigned employee, but ‘passenger’ at least won’t seem out of place. Now, hurry along – you wouldn’t want to be even later for your check-in.”

    The passenger fell in line behind the officer, rejoining the crowd.

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      This a very interesting take on the prompt, Pit! The idea of your space organization using numbers and not names is a very efficient way to characterize the Bureau. I also really liked how you had a character actively defy that so the audience could not only learn that important fact about the Bureau, but also about the character of Carter. Also, ending the piece by calling him “the passenger” in the last sentence was a nice touch. Overall, I really enjoyed this, Pit. Great job!

    2. PixieWings Avatar
      PixieWings

      Ooh, subtly dystopian? Love it.

      Your characterization here is fantastic. I love how benignly annoyed the officer is. The social structure he’s propping up-“We don’t do names here”-feels like a sinister way to remove individuality and identity from employees. But the way he’s expressing it is more like “I shouldn’t have to explain your job to you, man. Come on. Get your shit together.” And Carter’s a compelling character in his own right. I really enjoy he’s willing to point out his name a second time, even though he’s also nervous and uncomfortable.

      Also agree with Glaceon on the last paragraph. Calling Carter “The passenger” is such a good wham line. Fantastic work, PitL!

    3. Matthew (Handsome Johanson) Avatar
      Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

      the big question i had while reading this was why? Why is Carter not familiar with their nameless system? Why was Carter nervous to be confronted by the security officer? Why is it company policy not to use names? Why was Carter late? I guess it’s also followed by a few whats. What was Carter late for? What was the blinking cylinder? What kind of shipping does the company do? and a where. Where are they? All these questions and more to be answered in a potential follow up? :3

      I really like the word palette and the voicings for the characters you used. it all feels sterile and business-like. The atmosphere suggested by the prose felt very chaotic and foreign in an engaging way. It was interesting 🙂

  15. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
    RVMPLSTLSKN

    Given a New Name
    By RVMPLSTLSKN

    Vienas had been many things in her life. She was proudest of herself before The Deep One transcended the realm. She’d been a teacher and healer of anguished souls. She’d been a scholar and well-regarded apologist, even if she’d had to dress like a man.

    But now, she was evesque and blind.

    Padas had stayed with her and cared for her needs. They inhabited Ziniu’s temple now. It was a natural place to stay. Familiar. It felt sacrosanct to her, but she still remembered Padas as she’d first seen him; a silhouette with a divine sword. Every temple needed a god and where none lived, one would rise. The adamic couple lived there and hoped to find others.

    Her body thrummed and she felt near to panic. She’d always had control of herself. She knew the risks when she saw the Unseen and the spell fed on her eyes. This loss of control was something else.

    She pressed a hand to her belly and felt again the thrum as a tiny foot rebelled against her touch. She sobbed then and laughed at herself.

    Padas would be pleased. She knew he’d lost so much more than she had in the wake of the Deep One’s path. He needed family.

    Hadn’t she sacrificed enough? Before, children would have been the little death. A waste of her future. A sacrifice of selfcontainedness. Now, children were fear.

    How could she raise them, being blind? Padas fished still, but not in places he couldn’t walk to. The Deep One left scars on mind and world.

    Without children, how would Padas protect her from the Deep One, should it return in aeons unspent?

    That’s when she knew herself. She was a priestess and though her god had changed, she still had responsibilities. This child would be such a duty. And the next one. And those that followed.

    Padas would ascend on their faith and protect them. The kind and simple man performing a divine and simple duty. Fatherhood.

    Now, she must take on new responsibilities. She must become what she has always feared. Mother and wife.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Hope ever blooms in a dying world! This is so beautiful and bittersweet and heartbreaking and brilliant, RVMP. I love that you give her backstory in little splices. that part about her in the previous story knowing about the Unseen makes a lot more sense now with this extra context.

      I love how both she and Padas have settled into domestic life rather well. Being the only two beings in hundreds of miles of each other might have something to do with it along with their need for survival, but still.

      I love that she gets to have two given names. I love that she feels fear for the baby because not only is she blind, but she’s also bringing this child, as well as possibly more, into an uncertain and disasterous world, even more than it normally would be if The Deep One was not around.

      Quick question: is The Deep One a reference to the underwater people by HP Lovecraft? Did some fun reading over the weekend and caught sight of that.

      Regardless, this is a beautiful story and it’s natural and realistic. Also, I have learned three new words today thanks to you, so I appreciate that. I honestly have no critiques. Great story.

      1. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
        RVMPLSTLSKN

        Thanks Luna! Glad you liked it. I knew having childbearing be Vienas’s fear/sense of losing her self identity was risky. Did it feel like too much?

        I only recently read Shadows in Innsmuth so while Lovecraft was an influence, Dagon and the others weren’t. I’ve got a bit of lore built up for The Deep One and this setting, but I’ve hinted at it so far. (I’m waiting for the proper prompt to showcase TDO. )

        I’m flad you learned something. I’m going to guess “evesque,” “adamic,” and “apologist?”

  16. InkySegno Avatar
    InkySegno

    Life-Concluding VOIce
    By Shea-Leigh (Inky Segno)

    The very second he signed the paperwork, he had surrendered his identity.

    Being told repeatedly that the experiment was one hundred percent safe, that he would be alright, didn’t matter to him. Even if it was dangerous, the promise of forgetting his current life was all he needed. He had signed away his current self with a confident cursive signature and no hesitation.

    “Because of the nature of this experiment, we ask that you take a week to tie up loose ends.” When he had tried to tell the woman he didn’t need it, they could start right away, she looked at him with an unreadable expression.

    “If within this week you decide that you want to continue living, please call us.” Realizing this nurse knew of things he couldn’t imagine, he nodded to her and turned to the door.

    He had chosen to say nothing about the experiment to anyone. A mentally taxing office job only provided a pissed boss, and all of the friends from his high school days no longer lived in the same town. But despite his parents being deceased, his mother having had a heart attack and his father drinking away his sorrows, he visited their graves once more. If he was going to lose himself, he wanted to apologize once more.

    The last two days of his life-concluding week were spent curled up on his bed under the covers. His phone had rung countless times those two days, his caller ID confirming his assumption. Even in the end his boss wouldn’t let him go, though he was glad the man didn’t care enough to actually come to his home despite all the threats.

    After ignoring his phone for two days, he arrived at the company at 8 on the dot. A woman was waiting, but her face held no expression.

    “How are you?” Her voice was emotionless, even more so than his.

    “I am well.”

    The woman nodded and picked up the clipboard in front of her. In that same monotone, she began to ask him a series of questions.

    She never once used his real name.

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Interesting! A very tragic and sad tale indeed – a person with a completely dead-end life chooses to throw it all away in favour of oblivion – not thinking of the now memoryless person that would be left behind in the process. You gave us enough detail to really understand how he could be so certain of his choice, what with his oppressive job and complete lack of true companionship.

      That said, the ending is perhaps a bit underdeveloped. More specifically, I only understood the ending really because of the previous story you wrote about Voi – but since these pieces are meant to be self-contained, this one might be relying too much on the reader having read the previous story to fully understand it. Right now the ending is rather jarring and confusing as a standalone story, effectively cutting off the storyline from before with no conclusion except in implication.

      Overall though, this piece was enjoyable to read, if inherently quite a gloomy tone – the first line is an immediately interesting hook for the reader, and the story phasing from learning more about what the experiment will do towards *why* he wants to commit to it was very nicely done. Deffo some good work here Inky! 🙂

    2. This is such a dark, somber piece that really hits the sensation of depression. The vague nature of the procedure and the company pair perfectly with the eeriness the emotionless woman exudes. I’m left wanting to know so much more about the main character, and the experiment. It was very bold move to tell a story without ever naming the main character, and even more difficult to accomplish so well in the third person. It really adds to the nature of the story and the last line especially. Very well done!

  17. Lari B. Haven Avatar
    Lari B. Haven

    Given by the heart
    By Lari B. Haven

    “Please don’t die!” Winfrey kept muttering to himself, wishing the battery he connected to her chest was strong enough to keep her mechanic heart beating.

    The Professor had the skills, but she would require more. The complex machinery in Alexandria’s body was nothing like he experienced before.

    He couldn’t afford to lose his only friend. The young girl for sure deserved more days to live. If only the help came a little faster. The anxiety was excruciating.

    His glasses fogged with the tears, and his head flooded with the memories.

    Alexandria was a pleasant surprise in his life, ever since he came back to this country six years ago. He had left after his son’s death, swearing to never return. But work wasn’t as plenty on that side of the Atlantic, and he was in debt.

    When he finished unpacking his books, she knocked on his door.

    The petite teenager worked for the postal service. She was shy, but immensely curious. Alexandria loved novels, -even if she only had the most basic of reading skills when they met- and Professor Winfrey was starving for company.

    When they became acquaintances, she told him she was an orphan. He told her he lost his son. Ever since then, they read so many stories, shared so many moments, filled each other’s lives. They turned into friends.

    Winfrey didn’t know what to do with all those feelings. The professor was an old man, his family was long gone. He had nobody to care for. Except he cared for her. She was his closest friend. No, she was something more…

    The ambulance siren cried its urgent tone as they burst through the gate. He tried to explain the situation the best he could to the people attending her. As her aching body lay on the parked car, the doctor said:

    “Only family members can go with the ambulance, sir. Are you the patient’s parent?”
    “Alexandria is…” It didn’t even cross his mind. His heart knew all along; destiny had tied them together. “She is my daughter! Alexandria Winfrey, please save her! ”

    1. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      Awwwww, this is very cute. It kind of reminds me of when I read Farenheit 451 because Montage had a similar relationship with a young girl. I like the sense of urgency one could feel while Winfrey went through his memories. The emotions were quite palpable and I enjoyed them greatly. I wonder how Alexandria would about Winfrey’s actions. They seem close, so I suspect she won’t reject, but she’s also been alone for most of her life, presumably. So maybe she prefers the comfort of knowing what alone feeling like than allowing someone to be that close to her. Either way, this was a very entertaining read. Very well done, Lari.

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Aaa this piece was excellent Lari! This is right after she was attacked by the, ah, ‘creature’ right? I don’t think I have read a story from the Professor’s perspective before, but his is instantly a sympathetic one – it’s clear from the very start that he deeply cares for Alexandria, and it was super sweet to find out how their bond was forged as well with the flashbacks – a sweetness marked with sadness in the wider context of the scene, of course.

      (A couple corrections: “mechanic heart” > “mechanical heart”, “with the tears” > “with tears”, and “since then, they read” >”since then, they had read”)

      As for the final realisation and ending, that nearly made me cry with the sweetness and emotional catharsis I could feel from it. It had been true for a while before he had said it out loud, I think – but it took a dire situation such as this to actually bring that truth to the surface of the Professor’s brain. It was a beautiful use of the prompt, that is for certain.

      And now me writing the review has actually legitimately made me cry now. XD Lovely work Lari! <3

    3. Tale Foundry Avatar
      Tale Foundry

      AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OMG MY HEEEEAAAAART

      Lari you gotta warn people before just sucker punching them in the feels like that!!
      This story is so so sweet and so heartwrenching. I’m not sure what happened to her, it could have been in a previous story and I missed it, but I do know that they better be able to help her!
      Your pacing here is fantastic. Everything feel so rushed, yet so slow-motion, which I imagine is how it probably feels when someone who means so much to you is in danger. The memories are just detailed enough to make them feel like glimpses whizzing by in his mind, and it couldn’t be more perfect. And that detail at the end where he practically adopts her is just so incredibly sweet.
      Wonderful job, Lari, as always~

  18. Twangyflame0 Avatar
    Twangyflame0

    After So Long
    By Twangyflame0

    Rhun rose from his slumber in the depths of his wrought-iron castle. He grinned as he felt the familiar ache of his last battle with Alyna, that hypocritical bitch of a goddess. He pushed himself up, his metal arms animated by his magic. He cracked his jaw as he kicked down the door to his room, accidentally slamming a lesser devil back. They died immediately on impact, which made the blood god laugh. He wondered what his devils had been doing during his millennia of rest.

    As his feet thumped against the metal, as he passed by one of the rare curtains in the castle, he ripped it off and wrapped it around his waist, hiding some of his naked form. The demons in the castle looked at him with a mix of confusion and horror and some desire. The god smiled, enjoying the emotions that wafted around him.

    He soon enough reached the giant doors that lead to the throne room. To his throne room. Just as easily as before, he kicked the door down, sending the giant door flying off its hinges. The castle itself creaked and rumbled at the force of impact. The devils scattered in fear and terror. The largest one sat on the throne of jet black metal. The greater devil stood tall, with plenty of horns coming out of his head and his body covered in ritualistic tattoos.

    Rhun laughed, “Are you really supposed to be my replacement? My second hand?”

    The devil raised an eyebrow, “Are you the one who has been running through my halls?”

    He couldn’t help but laugh more, “Yes, yes, yes, whatever. Now bow before your god.”

    It was now the devil’s turn to laugh, “Please! Our gods are dead. The Bender of Metal built this castle for us with his dying breath. We now owe allegiance to only the Father of Chaos. I do not know how you entered my domain but-”

    Rhun had already ripped out a part of the floor, forged it into a pistol, and shot the devil in the head, fuming with hatred.

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Ohh, this story was great and darkly comedic too. A god in slumber so long that everyone has forgotten his true nature, to the point of the greater devil even doubting his power entirely. He’s clearly an asshole god, considering he had legions of devils at his beck and call and whatnot, but you’d think he’d at least leave a memo/prophecy about his eventual reawakening or something to give the devils proper expectations at least.

      Speaking of which, clearly his body wasn’t in some sleeping beauty chamber waiting to wake up, judging by everyone’s suprise. He’s a metalbending god, and his castle is all metal too – did he reawaken by basically reforming from the floor of the castle itself? That would be a very cool way to come back, and he’d look very greek-god-y I imagine with the curtain covering his metal body like that.

      Overall, a real badass introduction to the Bender of Metal. Very well done! 😀

    2. Tale Foundry Avatar
      Tale Foundry

      . . . I like this guy. He dangerous and he don’t take shit form NOBODY. I want to be friends with this guy XD

      I love this take on the prompt. The fact that he was buried away for so long that he was forgotten about is a really neat detail, and I could absolutely see this exact scenario being true for a lot of Gods in a lot of different pieces of fiction. From the sounds of it, they even forgot his name, which, to a God, is probably pretty damn insulting. I can see why he dispatched that poor excuse of a replacement.
      I have to wonder who this “Father of Chaos” is… they don’t sound like the same person here, but I could be mistaken. Mind, it could also be Rhun’s father or a fellow God or something.

      Very well done as always, Twangers~ now excuse me while I go make this guy a little friend just because I can XD

    3. Matthew (Handsome Johanson) Avatar
      Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

      Well this was pretty metal. (Ha used the joke twice) I’m just imagining this taking the form of a 90s comic book for some reason. My only criticism is that the ending lacked the punch i feel it deserves. It feels just a little too matter of fact and doesn’t quite fit the brutal tone that I desire from the event that had unfolded. perhaps this was the result of the dreaded word count. Needless to say, I thought I’d mention it. As for positives? I really love how you’ve built these characters and how they interreact. I feel like shit is about to go down in the best way possible. and all i can say is, BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

    4. Wow. This was wild, Twangy. Honestly, I actually chuckled a bit while reading – despite being fairly brutal in implication it felt like there was some kind of juxtaposition or tonal clash that made the subject matter almost kind of funny to me, which worked surprisingly well with both Rhun’s personality and the story as a whole.

      The thing I enjoyed the most here was probably the content itself. I can almost somewhat sympathize with Rhun’s anger here, even with the way it’s played down a bit until the end – he’s been given a new identity that’s distinctly not his, and especially as an arrogant deity that would have to chafe very badly. I like this idea of a figure being mythologized being a “new name” quite a bit. Regarding the execution of the idea, the story is quite good, and I especially love the last paragraph with the way it clearly understates and leaves a lot of space for the reader’s mind to fill. It does feel a bit rushed overall though in my opinion – I think the wordcount harmed this one slightly, and I wonder what a slightly longer version might look like, especially with the description.

      Now, one thing worldbuilding-wise very much caught my interest. The devil says “Our gods are dead.”, but he also then says they owe allegiance to the “Father of Chaos”. At first I thought this was another god, but the way he says *their* gods are dead make me suspect otherwise. If you’re willing, this makes me curious; I’d be very interested to find out who/what the Father of Chaos is and what relation if any he has to Rhun.

      Anyway, good story. It reads fairly well and the concept was really fun. I’ll be keeping an eye out in the future, just in case there’s any similar names and such. Well done!

  19. DesOttsel Avatar
    DesOttsel

    Cloaked Valor
    by Gage Jarman

    My feet felt like they would shatter into broken stumps, jagged crags of blood and bone. The makeshift sled sunk into the muck, caught on the exposed rocks, but I couldn’t leave them behind. They had done the hard work, the real work, the battle, and I… I kept walking.

    The tree line was in view, and the first of the cultivation tents. I was home, but something within me shrank back. How could I explain? Six husks, six bodies, six hunters falling while I did not. I heard the husks moan with every jostle from labored steps. Mud-flecked faces poked out of the tents. None assisted; they just stared like masks, until one finally approached, a young boy, not even past his selection. Those eyes glowed. They look past the fallen under their cloaks and onto the amarok. He thrust his wooden pole toward me and declared, “I’m going to be as great as you!”

    What was I supposed to do? Let him know what awaited him in the salt encrusted timberland? His innocence still had a little while longer before it was snuffed, but I told him the truth, half of it.

    “No, you will be a far greater man than I ever will.”

    His smile grew, and he saluted before scurrying back down the stone steps where he belonged. Then, The Elders came rising out of the cavern with all the gravitas of those who gave themselves to the rain to crystalize their souls.

    I heard the hunter’s wails quiet. I heard the amarok’s gurgles as Kohinoor drove his dagger deep into its neck before both went limp.

    “How unfortunate for your first time. Were you the one to best it?”

    “I- it wasn’t-” The boys eyes glinted in my mind “it wasn’t an easy task.”

    “Hmmm, come. This is a day for mourning, but also celebration for a newly christened hunter.”

    I don’t deserve this honor. I lied. If I fought, would you still dream. Forgive me, Kohinoor. You said I was strong, that I just didn’t know….

    I won’t forget. I’ll bear the weight.

    1. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      It is a very interesting take, a new name in the form of a christening. The becoming of someone new, so-to-speak. It was a little hard to understand what was going on throughout, it felt a little vague and towards the end I had a hard time understanding what our character was going through in his head. I think it suffered from the word limit, but I still commend you for attempting this rather ambitious theme. I overall enjoyed it. A very tragic story of sacrifice, hope, responsibility, and becoming. Well Done Des.

    2. PixieWings Avatar
      PixieWings

      Your imagery here is wild, and I love it. There’s a real visceral nature to it that serves the story you’re telling really well. That first line, “jagged crags of blood and bone,” is fantastically vivid and brutal, and it really just punches the reader in the face, letting them know pretty much immediately what they’re in for. It’s great.

      If I may offer you some constructive criticism, I’d say you might want to break up some of your longer paragraphs. This piece is really focused on the introspective thoughts of one character in the face of something terrible, and some slower pacing might help you draw your reader into that more. I’d suggest trying to read your piece out loud to yourself sometime during the editing process. That usually helps you hear where your brain naturally wants to pause to let something sink in.

      Wonderful work, DesOttsel!

  20. Tale Foundry Avatar
    Tale Foundry

    A New Furbaby
    by DukkiFluff

    I pulled open the door of the adoption center, the cool air washing over us as I let my girlfriend in first. She lead the way down the corridor, following the signs that indicated where to find cats and dogs.

    She pushed through another door, looked to her right, and instantly melted.

    “Awww!! Look, boo! They’re so tiny!” She squealed, her face almost pressed against the cage of two sleeping kittens.

    I laughed. “They are. Remember when Seafood was that small?”

    “Yes! She was sooo fluffy!” She gushed, reluctantly leaving the two. She paused at each cage to giggle and coo until we finally reached the desk.

    The attendant smiled up at us. “Looking to adopt a kitty?”

    My girlfriend nodded. “Yes, we are. We need one that gets along with other cats.”

    The attendant stood up from her chair, leading us down another row of cages. “We have lots. Each has a pamphlet to tell you if they’re better with friends or on their own, their age, whether they’re fixed, their shots are up to date, and so on.”

    My girlfriend nodded, already ogling a tabby that was pawing at the bars of its cage.

    “Who’s the other cat? How old?” The attendant asked me, watching my girlfriend wander along the cages to look at each cat.

    “Her name is Seafood. She’s a tortie, and only about a year old.” I answered.

    “Oh, she’s really young! She must be so pretty. Torties always have beautiful coats.”

    “She really is, and has a stripe on her nose.”

    Before either of us could speak again, we heard my girlfriend yell out to me.

    “BABE!! THIS ONE HAS A DICK ON HER FACE!!”

    The attendant tried to hold in her laughter, walking to my girlfriend’s side.

    “This is Quinn. Want to see her?”

    My girlfriend nodded excitedly.

    One short play time later, we sat at the desk, filling out Quinn’s adoption papers.

    “Now,” the attendant smiles at us, “will you be giving her a different name?”

    “Pocky.” My girlfriend affirms. “Because she’s black and white, like cookies and cream pocky sticks.”

    1. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      This story is so completely and utterly adorable. I’m guessing this is when you and Gatte got one of our cats. It just oozes wholesomeness. I felt very relaxed while reading this piece. And I couldn’t help but laugh when presumably you said that Pocky had a dick on her face. This story was great fun. I am somewhat envious that you get to live with so many cats and you get to pet their fur, boop their snoots, rub their toe beans… anywhoooo, very well done, Dukki.

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      D’awwwwwww!!! I knew right from the title that this was going to be absolutely precious, and I certainly wasn’t dissapointed! This felt like a very true to life piece – I would be entirely unsuprised if this was effectively a biographical retelling of one of your own trips to an adoption centre.

      I loved every single cat in this tale, from the tiny kittens to the tabby pawing at the bars to, of course, Pocky. I like how they kept the food theme with their kitties, was very adorbs indeed. And the dick on her face joke came completely out of nowhere and was very hilarious, and probably even more so in context too!

      All in all a very sweet and lovely tale. Well done Dukki! :3

    3. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      This was so cute! I have to admit with the prompt, I was worried when the girlfriend shouted about the dick-shaped marking. Something along the lines of “oh no, are they going to name him Dickface or Dick Grayson’ but the name they chose in the end is really adorable. I have to admit it felt a little odd to me that the kittens already had names and personality pamphlets since they are young, but it didn’t break the immersion. This was a lot of fun to read Dukki, good Job!

    4. Aww, this was cute. I’m surprised you told this from Gatte’s point-of-view though. But having been present (albeit, written out of the story), this was fairly accurate to the actual event. It was so cute. I loved the way you chose to reenact this, Dukk.
      Also, gonna say it, surprised you mentioned Pocky’s face dick pattern. Completely unexpected, but also quite accurate.

  21. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    A New Kind Of Name (Nyssa’s Story)
    By Calliope Rannis

    Gnomes could have lots of names, or so Nyssa had read. When one is born, their parents each give them a name, and so does the extended family: all their aunts, uncles, family friends, the clan elder – not all of them stick over time, but gnome children certainly got many options to express their identity.

    But Nyssa never had an extended family. Not one she had ever known, anyway. All she knew were her parents, and the names they had given her.

    Her first was Nyssa, of course. Her mother had chosen that. The second was Lirrel. Her father’s old clan name, though she’d never been told what that clan was like.

    The final name was decided by both. When they saw their baby’s hair – golden like her mother’s, reaching out in all directions like her father’s – they had fallen in love with it, and given her a name to match: ‘Sunchild’. Their Sunchild…

    Nyssa’s lip quivered as she stared at the cloudless sky through her tavern-room window.

    That name did not serve her so well in the University. She had begun to outgrow it, with no living family remaining to give her another.

    In fact, it was over three decades later when she got a new name, as she finally became properly respected as an academic. The name they gave her was ‘Littlestar’ – the three-foot tall star of Renovaire University.

    Though once her depression set in, and she became increasingly less capable of leaving the safe solitude of her isolated tower, that name became corrupted to ‘Lonestar’. A joke of a nickname, but one she had no energy to fight against, and ultimately let it become part of her.

    But that was then. Nyssa looked away from the window, and her memories.

    Now, she had outgrown Lonestar too.

    She turned her gaze to her hand, as rivulets of electricity shivered across it.

    It was simple, really. She needed a new name. One that would mark her new stage of life. One that others would immediately understand as true.

    A name that, for once, she would take for herself:

    Sparkbolt.

    1. Tale Foundry Avatar
      Tale Foundry

      Oooh I love this idea! I’ve never heard of someone getting multiple names and being able to choose, that is such a cool concept!

      This is well paced, too! Through little tidbits, it’s like a trip down memory lane. We don’t get an excessive amount of detail, as we don’t need it. We just need enough to paint that picture of “this, then this, then this” and you made it flow perfectly!

      Not gonna lie, I’m picturing that some of those jerks made country song jokes about her Lonestar name… XD

      But her new name, the one she forged for herself. That notion alone holds so much power in it. And Sparkbolt sounds pretty damn strong.

      Fantastic job as always, Calliope~

    2. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      You know, an entire family just giving a child a plethora of different names is somehow really fitting for gnomes. I can just imagine the entire family sat around the baby arguing over the best name any of them can give the child and it just sounds like a fun chaotic mess. I also like the evolution Nyssa takes with her name. It’s a personification of how the world views herself in any given situation. I get all of them, but I’m curious what exactly “Sparkbolt” is supposed to mean for her. Because a spark and a bolt are kind of the same thing. In the end, though, I hope this brand new name can give Nyssa some needed light in her life. Very well done, Calliope.

    3. PixieWings Avatar
      PixieWings

      A wonderful stand alone and a wonderful addition to Nyssa’s over all story, Calliope!

      I think your work on the pacing here is fantastic. Using the names as sort of bullet points to guide the reader through her life and the different roles/personas she’s taken on in it was a great idea. It connects the structural writing of the pacing with the story being told in it. You have a real knack for cadence!

      I’m also just such a sucker for this character trope. I love characters that come out of something and rename themselves as a way to take back their identity, and this was such a good use of it. A pleasure to read. Wonderful work!

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