Writing Group: By the Fire (PRIVATE)

Hello, elementals and pyromaniacs.

It’s getting cold, isn’t it? I don’t know about you, but I’m freezing. You too, huh? Yeah, you’re shivering a lot. Well, look around. You’ll have to find something to give us warmth, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

By the Fire

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

Ah, just the prompt we need to keep ourselves cozy on these cold winter nights. And much like the flames that dance in a fireplace, this leaves so much to the imagination.

Those flames could stir passion into two lovers who have grown distant, one surprising the other with a romantic night of firelight and champagne. It could bring to life the joy of a little boy reading tales to his new little sister, sharing with her his love of literature. Perhaps a group of friends have escaped the city to camp out, and the fire burns bright as they each share stories and memories. It could even be two parents giggling as they discover their child sleeping on the floor beside the fireplace, having tried once again to catch sight of the one leaving gifts under the tree.

This fire could even be literal life breathed into an elemental spirit, who then makes friends with the one who woke them and uses their fire to tell stories of the past. Maybe it’s a classic dark and stormy night, and one little child stays huddled close to her only candle for comfort. Perhaps fire is how one witch prefers to travel, climbing out of a fireplace to visit an old friend. It can even be that the fire brought to life a little clay doll while it was baking, the sculptor adopting the doll as his own child.

There’s many heartwarming ways to ignite such a prompt. Even ways that aren’t so heartwarming, ways that would burn and ache. The choice is yours to make.

All it takes is a spark of imagination.

—Shawna

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Friday at 7:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit, and get ready to help each other improve their confidence in their writing, as well as their skill with their craft!

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least four stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and two of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
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  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new (no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
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  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
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    5. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    6. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
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Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

97 responses to “Writing Group: By the Fire (PRIVATE)”

  1. Final Flame
    By Derek McEldowney (Deviacon)

    My brother hasn’t been right. It’s been an especially bitter winter, and an even harder year; on none more than my brother, Peter. He’s been tending to the fire in our den for weeks now. He would say it was the only thing he could do right, with a half joking chuckle under his breath.

    I first started to worry about Peter when I had woken in the middle of the night to find him still keeping watch over the fire, hunched over, hypnotized by its light as he muttered back to it.

    It was then I realized, he hadn’t let the fire waver one bit since he had taken it under his watch. The same flame had been dancing in that hearth for weeks, months even. He’d been keeping watch the entire time, all alone.

    I made a habit of checking on him at night without alerting him. I tried to listen to his muttering once, it wasn’t typical. I guess what I mean to say is, it didn’t sound like he was talking to himself or thinking aloud. It sounded like a conversation that I could only hear one side of.

    It wasn’t odd that Peter would fall asleep curled up in front of the fire. We’d done that plenty of times as kids, and I’m sure even on the occasional night as adults. What became unsettling to me, was when he no longer fell asleep in front of the fire at all. His blanket and pillow oddly vanishing altogether, no doubt fed to the flames.

    I peeked on Peter again in the dead of night, but this time his muttering was different, it sounded more like whispered chanting that blended with the gentle roar and crackle of the fire. I listened close to make out what he was saying.
    “It wants to speak, it wants to teach, but no one will listen. Only me. I can speak for it. I’ll spread its doctrine. For all to hear. For all to learn. Listen close and watch, my brother.”

    1. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      Uh oh… some Lovecraftian fire god is forming a cult. Or the brother has just gone insane. I wonder why they are staying by this fire for so long? I guess because they are trapped indoors for the winter and have nothing better to do. Well, I hope the brother gets the help he so clearly needs. Good story!

  2. Cansas Smith Avatar
    Cansas Smith

    Shapes In The Fire
    By Cansas Wanderlust

    “He’s been sitting there for nearly three hours now,” Tana observed from behind the bar.

    Ryford peaked over the top. By the fireplace a man in a dark coat stared into the flames.

    “I don’t like the look of him,” he said sinking back to the ground. “I bet he’s one of those crimson rangers Old Kesar told us about.”

    Tana playfully punched his arm. “Those are just stories, silly. Besides, have you actually talked to him?”

    “Well, no.”

    “Then how could you know he’s a crimson ranger?”

    A shiver rattled up Ryford’s spine. “I’ve just got a feeling.”

    Tana poked her head over the countertop again. A thought popped into her head. ‘Can he see then too?’

    She stood up, dusted off her rags and walked over to the man.

    “Are you crazy?” Ryford hissed at her.

    Tana glanced back at him.

    “Not crazy,” Tana mumbled. “Just curious.”

    Ryford sighed and slumped against the bar. “mother is going to feed that girl to the pigs.”

    Tana walked across the Swooping Salmon Inn and plopped herself into the chair beside the man.

    “Hello,” she said cheerfully. “What’s your name? My name’s Tana.”

    The man didn’t move. Fire reflected in his eyes as he gazed into the smoldering flames.

    “Can you see the shapes too?” Her eyes moved to the fireplace where the shapes danced around.

    The man didn’t so much as blink.

    Tana suddenly felt uneasy.

    She slowly got up. “Well, let me know if you need anything.”

    “Tana,” the man said before she could walk away. “That’s a pretty name.”

    Tana lowered herself back down into the chair.

    “Thank you.”

    “You’re welcome.”

    The man turned his head. Scares left by kisses of flames became visible on his face.

    “Did the shapes do that to you? You can see them, can’t you?”

    The man turned his head back to the fireplace, hiding his scares.

    “The shapes did not, and yes, I see them.” The man stared into Tana’s eyes. “Only people who have been touched by dragon fire can see them.”

    Tana instinctively scratched at her left arm.

    1. Gregory Hess Avatar
      Gregory Hess

      At first I was like “stranger danger”, but it does really make sense that Tana would seek out someone like herself, able to see the “shapes”(whatever the hell those are) in the fire. The man is really creepy and strange, which I feel is perfect for what you where going for. The little bit of worldbuilding at the end is pretty cool to. All in all, good story.

  3. Stardust
    by Brickosaur

    A young hunter gazed at the sparkling sky and wondered what it was like to be a star. How wonderful it must be, to create the very energy that drove the world; how glorious, to shine down upon all the creatures living under your warmth. Did the stars know of the tiny beings telling stories of them, who built fires to make more star-warmth? Did they care?

    Light-centuries away, a star watched the most amazing planet in the universe. The beings on it were so fragile, so tiny. They had no internal power of their own, and yet they created so much. Sound-patterns, so that they could share thoughts; shelter and stories and shaped matter, to protect their fleeting warmth. They even built tiny stars. Each and every one must have an entire universe in that little body. With so much light within them, would they even notice the twinkling dots so far off?

    Millennia later, a student doodled in an astronomy textbook and dreamed of a living sun. What must it be like, a billion years old and bigger than everything around? Did stars feel powerful, fusing subatomic particles into the very atoms that built each world, burning off the extra energy to power life itself? What did they think of the waking stardust that looked at them with such admiration? Surely it was all insignificant to them, if they knew at all.

    Unfathomable space and time lay between each being, but all of them were connected
    by the light of wonder, the dizziness of insignificance.

    All transcended their own dust through their own awareness; All were bonded and made great
    by the fire of creation.

    1. DesOttsel Avatar
      DesOttsel

      Brick, this is so good. I love how the first two are foils for each other. I will say that the third felt a little tacked on. It had very similar sentiments to the first one and I feel like it broke up the flow a bit more than if you had just expanded the first two part or if you put the third after the first. That actually might alleviate the shift from earth to the stars and then back to earth, but it was still a great story and very cute

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Brick, this was incredibly good. Each little scene was simple, contemplative, but also depicted thoughts of such cosmic distances and events, making the perspective feel both majestic and humble at the same time. And at the end of each one especially the humility came out, of every being feeling so small and insignificant compared to the beauty and glory of the faraway sight of what they so loved, not realising that they were loved back in turn.

      That said, I strongly agree with DesOttsel’s review, in particular that the third section should have gone after the first. Right now the third one feels a little repetitive, a slight comedown after the reveal of the star’s perspective before them. But if the star’s perspective had been last – if after two paragraphs of reading about humans across time, and their relation to the distant stars, we had found out that the stars themselves feel just as strongly about us – the feelings I would have had at the end of the story would have been an order of magnitude stronger, I think. And bearing in mind, my feelings about the story as is was already strong enough to make me cry a little!

      So despite the perhaps non-ideal structuring of each section’s placement, this was a beautiful and magnificant story that I am very happy to have read. Well done Brick! <3

    3. Ohhhh now this is a beautiful one.

      Not a story told by the camp or hearthfire. Not a horror unfolding beneath burning torches.

      But a connection forged by the flames of long dead stars, atoms that find themeselves in a human and a star across infinity.

      I love how you start the story in the far past before briefly showing a Star and then to abouts our time. I dont know if you intended it but if its not out sun the distance between the star and us would prolly take centuries, millenia to cross.

      So even if the Star saw us, and we saw the star, we could never directly look at each other.

      An amazing story Brick, and a unique interpretation of the Prompt!

    4. KipOfTheMany Avatar
      KipOfTheMany

      Hhhhmm, so here’s the interesting thing about this. This storytelling is driven by exposition. Which is usually not a good idea, but here it works? This feels like a fable, or a myth. Myths in space! Space myths! I’m down for that.

    5. Cansas Smith Avatar
      Cansas Smith

      I absolutely love your interpretation of the prompt! I mean, wow. Talk about an existential piece of writing. The language you used was very beautiful. I really liked the way you phrased this “Sound-patterns, so that they could share thoughts;” It reads very alien, which was perfect coming from the star. I love the different perspectives and how each sees themselves as insignificant while admiring the other. I’m such a fan of this Brick! Truly an amazing piece of work!

  4. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    Rekindling
    By Jesse Fisher edited by Lunabear

    Fire, ignus, moto, dab.

    All holding an idea: of creation, of destruction, of rebirth, and death.

    Such is the nature of fire.

    —-

    “I swear the next God of Storytelling starts with fire this and fire that I’ll show them how my fire burns,” the dark navy wolf growled to the barkeep. “What’s with them? I get it; fire’s a great symbol to use, but that gets tiresome after the twelfth time hearing it in the past five minutes.”

    “I did warn you that the narrative convection was going to happen when you left your room,” the heterochromic-eyed barkeep replied as his hands moved while not taking his eyes off of the waiter in front of him.

    “Ya, I know,” the grumbled reply came, “but I thought they would regale me with either tales of horror or the fall of monsters, not young’s first story.”

    The keep noticed the wolf huffing, which seemed to be a distraction from his true feelings. He knew the waiter was a bit closed off and tried to hide it by being irritable.

    “Alright. Come clean, Demon. We both know you are being a bit heavy on this.” The tray of drinks levitated before they teleported to the patrons. “Which one was another version of someone from your past?”

    Flat ears and a huff mixed with a growling sigh came before he turned around.

    “I know you have every right to know what’s going on in your realm but, spying on me when I’m having a personal moment is not called for.”

    “Which. One?” The barkeep raised an eyebrow, his face not moving otherwise.

    “ It’s that robot one with all the steampunk dressing. Same soft spoken voice, same nervous tick.”

    “I could serve him if you are not comfortable with being around him.”

    Demon became a shaken mass of fur.

    “Nay. It might do me some good just to hear that voice again. Even if it’s not the spark that I once had.”

    With a nod from the barkeep, Demon walked off into the bar not as grumpy.

    1. I’ve missed my little glimpses into this world. This is a pretty cool scene. Nice banter between characters, as always — though I do sometimes wonder if their basic relationship ever changes and in what ways.

      I quite liked the opening lines; I haven’t heard the words “moto” or “dab” before, but I thought the way you ordered the four terms was great. It had a rhythmic feel to it, setting the scene with something like a heartbeat.

  5. Lari B. Haven Avatar
    Lari B. Haven

    Fire in a distant star
    by Larissa (Lari B. Haven)

    First, they extracted her consciousness. She said her last goodbyes and her first layer body became limp. In her disembodied form, she waved them goodbye from the spaceship that would depart soon. She was happy, but also uncertain.

    She laid down in the travel chamber as soon as they left the moon’s gravity.
    The earth was not her home anymore. She would be put to sleep, and when she woke , they would have reached their destination.

    Further, the space between the earth and space, more of her energetic bodies, would need to be disassembled. In a thousand years, she would finally leave the solar system and would remain in her primordial state.

    The chamber ran its circle, feeding the data of the mission and mixing with her memories, making sure all the parameters would be right when she entered her dream state.

    All that she had were the memories of all that she had lived past: The plagues, the weapons, the fear, the screams, the violence, the treaties, the struggle, the friendship, the love, the communion, and the peace. But one vision between them seemed persistent, a simple and familiar one: fire.

    She couldn’t comprehend why, but her head was full of visions of fire. It’s beauty and destruction. Scorching even the most innocent of men and heating even the most frozen of lands.

    Flames flickering on a birthday cake with a laugh. Blue and yellow roasting the vegetables with a motherly flavor. Lit crackling wood sharing a kiss. The warmth as she looked at the edge of the world she left. The fire would forever burn in her mind.

    The chamber finally transformed the last piece of the telluric energy that bound her to that planet. She would miss the warmth they exhaled.

    In a billion years into the future under another cyan sky. Someone like her would light the first fire, and once again those memories would live. Maybe someone that was as wonderful as a human.

    1. It’s really great, Lari! It’s bittersweet while being intimate. I love the steps it takes for these memories to be transferred. I also appreciate the fact that it’s told from a star’s perspective, which is rare. There’s something about telling stories from the point of view of celestial bodies that makes it really unique and interesting.

      I wonder if the memories for stars were once wishes humans made. Or vice versa. That’d be quite an interesting concept. I really do love this. It’s sweet, sad, and really thought-provoking. Great job!

    2. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      Wow that was a trip and a half, also love how it can be a trip for death or singularity. The detail of the transformation is like I’m seeing a movie with the 2001: Space Odyssey music playing. And the theme is so well done, I think you are a sure win for the reading.

    3. This story is truly beautiful, Lari. It’s epic and intimate at once, leaving me breathless and somehow happily heartbroken. We dealt with similar themes in our respective stories, but yours is utterly unique and distinct. I must confess I don’t entirely follow what’s physically happening — my brain keeps wanting to say the character is somehow turning into a star, though I have no way to tell if that’s right. But I don’t think the literal events matter nearly as much as the memories of fire, and the visions of those bright balls burning in space.
      I really loved reading this <3

    4. KipOfTheMany Avatar
      KipOfTheMany

      I don’t think this person is human anymore. I’m not sure, this story is pretty esoteric. But the way you describe her transforming makes me think she’s becomeing something that is post-human. What’s interesting is what that means to this person. It’s a loss. A loss of what it means to be humans, but it also means the ability to travel vast distances, and download information into her memories. What do we lose, and what do we gain as we change? Is it worth it?

  6. Gregory Hess Avatar
    Gregory Hess

    Supernova viewing station[Aleph null science fiction]

    The station shudders as it executes the last maneuver. We park just behind the light superfilter.

    I check how long until the main event. T-3 hours I guess. I wander to the viewing screen.

    I’m blindsided as Laura tackle hugs me.

    “Thank you for coming!”

    “how could I skip this date with this cutie”.

    I just sit there blushing. I manage to return the hug.

    We stand there for a moment before sitting down and appreciating the view.

    The star is quite dim behind what is effectively the largest pair of eclipse glasses ever built. It seems relatively stable. It might be getting brighter? Hard to tell. Just a small white dot slowly getting brighter.

    The small dot suddenly becomes a big orange circle. “Woah!” It seems the star just shed its outer layer. I think that’s a little ahead of schedule.

    Suddenly the view becomes a blinding white. I find myself holding onto Laura for dear life. And then the light slowly dissipates and seems to fragment into all the colors.

    Laura asks “you good there?” in a concerned tone.

    “I think so. That was… unexpected”

    I manage to maneuver over to her side. Looking back out the viewscreen, I see an expanding and rapidly dimming ring of orange-yellow light and a bright white pinprick slowly fading away.

    I wonder aloud “That was awesome, but not sure it was worth the journey. Anyways, want to go grab some dinner?”

    “Oh, don’t you worry, that isn’t all that’s on this journey. Secret, dastardly plans are coming your way.”

    1. This is sweet and a bit funny, Greg. It’s almost like they’re watching celebratory fireworks. Nice job.

    2. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      I do like how you have a supernova going on while these two are on a date. Also like how it was not a big deal in this world. I also like how the MC hold on to Laura the event is not as dangerous but still affects them.

    3. This is a pretty interesting scene! I’ve got a couple notes I want to get out of the way right off the bat.

      I’ve noticed a few proofreading errors, particularly in the dialogue. Just several lines that need consistent capitals and punctuation. I’d also recommend writing T-3 as “T minus three” or similarly. My last note deals with scene construction; technically, I’d call this story more of a situation (with a mysterious tease at the end); in a situation, the character doesn’t go through any real mini-arc. Here, your MC seems to be in about the same mental space from start to finish. If you’re looking to have an effect on the reader, try giving us a window into the MC’s emotional state — their anticipation and slight disappointment at the anticlimactic supernova, perhaps.

      Now for the fun part. I really loved two particular aspects of this scene! It’s very visually descriptive, and the relationship between the two leads is really cute. A supernova seems like a really fantastic backdrop for a date. You do a good job interspersing observations and character interactions, so that they both feel important to the story. And that last line definitely has me intrigued.

      Overall, some work could be done on this scene, but there’s a lot of really great stuff here 🙂

  7. “Christmas in Valentia”
    By King_Nix

    Come inside, weary traveller! The damp of English winter is cold and cruel beneath the light of the moon. The castle of Lancaster beckons. Her high walls are bright with ornaments and wreaths, which fill the air with yuletide fragrance, and the gate stands open, inviting you to join in the festivities.

    The courtyard bustles with activity. Bonfires illuminate and warm the throngs of visitors. Servants in bright livery flit about, engaging in the jubilation as much as they are waiting on their guests. Carolers sing out on the ramparts, their music filling the castle as here and there some follow along. The smell of a grand feast, however, wafts out from the keep.

    Glory in the vast hall of Lancaster! Broad tables are laid out, piled high and wide with Christmas bounty! Mashed yams with candied pecans by the bucket sit beside flocks of roasted poultry; Yorkshire puddings brim with the juices of lamb and beef, which stand in beautiful racks and gilded crown roasts beside loaf after loaf of beef wellington. There is enough for all to come and partake, and more!

    Sitting to dine, a servant is quick to hand you a frothing stout, thick and sweet. He then returns to his own drink, likely not his first. While eating, a cheer goes up in the hall. By the mantle stands Arthur Trajan, the Emperor of Rome, with Queen Regnant Minerva and the young King Francis by his side. Likewise, the kings of the empire are gathered with them, for they have come, from brutal Scandinavia to sunny Greece, and all lands between and some even far beyond the Black Sea, to unite in celebration of the birth of their King.

    The Emperor raises up a goblet of wine. “Let us all toast, you gathered here: rejoice! Today was born the King of Heaven and Earth, King of kings, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the true King of Rome! And also toast to His mother Mary the Immaculate, our Queen!” The crowd raises cups high, and the frivolity resumes with a symphony of clinking glass.

    1. I love that you went with a festive feeling, which evokes warmth and joy. It’s perfect for the holiday season. You are a master at creating the setting and atmosphere. Festive, jovial, peaceful, and welcoming.

      It’s absolutely beautiful, King. I felt totally cozy and at peace while reading this. Outstanding story.

    2. Now, this may have some horrifying implications that I have no idea about because I suck at history, but this scene taken at face value is just delightfully fun. I really like detailed tours through colorful locations, and the strange mix of novelty and familiarity of a place I’m imagining. Your writing flows beautifully like someone leading the reader by the hand, down the streets and into the castle dining hall for a feast. Whatever actually happens after the words stop, the telling itself is cozy, indulgent, and nice. Well done!

      1. Nothing horrifying, just a nice Christmas day! I’m glad you enjoyed your time in the halls of the last Emperor of Rome!

    3. Cansas Smith Avatar
      Cansas Smith

      Well, now I am hungry. That description was phenomenal! The overall feeling of warmth and welcome was phenomenal. You went classic, and my friend, it worked like a charm! You’ve got a talent for evoking emotion and in this case, I sincerely thank you for it. I’m ready for Christmas! I don’t care if it’s over, bring on the yuletide!

      1. Christmas doesn’t end until January 6th, LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

  8. KipOfTheMany Avatar
    KipOfTheMany

    A Lesson in Light
    By KipOfTheMany

    She stood at the cave entrance studying the tundra. The wind bit into her with a thousand teeth. Everything was a blinding white. Her eyes stung from the blankness of it all, and she had to turn back towards the cavern.

    She could see nothing in the stale darkness. Even so, she rounded a bend with little effort, and was met with a glowing light at the end of the passage. As she drew closer she saw that her fire was only embers. She’d been away too long.

    She picked up the coals. The fire flared at her touch only to die a moment later. She cursed and gripped the coals until her knuckles felt like they were splitting, but no more light could be coaxed from them. Silence permeated the darkness for a second. Then the entire cave shook.

    “Well, that’s certainly not going to work.” A deep voice intoned from the darkness. “You haven’t any fuel left.”

    She stumbled over her words, “Wha- what? Who are you? How did you get here?”

    The voice seemed amused, “Hmm, wrong questions. But I shall answer them. My name is Chrisolth, and I live here.”

    “No, that’s not possible.” She faltered, “I’d have seen you. The cave..”

    “Isn’t as small as you think,” Chrisolth chuckled, “Try your spell again.”

    “I.. alright.” She cast about for a stray coal.

    Something large scraped across the floor, and she heard the coals scatter, “Don’t rely on those useless rocks.” Chrisolth spat.

    “But, you said I needed fuel. What else am I supposed to use?”

    Raucous laughter filled the cavern, “You humans, you don’t know your own strength! That’s close enough to the right question, I suppose. Seeing as you’re quite burnt out, I’ll help you.” She felt something metallic press itself into her chest. Warmth filled her body. “Try it now.”

    She took a deep breath, and made a fist with her hand. She felt sparks, and then a flame. By the new light she found a large serpentine face staring at her. “Well done. Human,” said the dragon.

    1. This has a lovely, mysterious air to it, Kip. A woman leaves her cave only to come back to a dragon in her home. I love the portrayal of humans harnessing and creating their own fire through will with help to master it from the dragons. That’s my favorite part of the dragon lore.

      An intimate piece with a mystery spin. Great job.

    2. Lari B. Haven Avatar
      Lari B. Haven

      I really like this one. It’s really interesting the fact that she never noticed the dragon. I wonder if she was stuck in the cave because of the snow or just happens to have a new roommate now. Either way I loved the story. I always liked story with ancient dragons that are not malevolent, just very ancient and knowledgeable.
      Great story Kip!

    3. Neat story! I’m not sure I’ve gotten to see your writing before. I’m liking it so far. I’m not positive I fully understood the sequence of events at the end, but the magic and spooky feel come through for sure. You’ve got atmosphere down here 🙂

      This scene definitely feels like part of a larger story. I don’t know if you have more written, but I’d certainly be interested to get answers to the following:
      What was she doing before, in such weather?
      And why is Chrisolth so willing to share magic with her? What does HE want?

      You’ve got me asking questions, and that is one of the most important ways to hook a reader. Well done!

  9. Unexpected Visit (Big Top’s Cabaret Universe)
    by Lunabear

    I feel heavy and sick as I sit on my bed.

    Papa is angry. I think he hates me. He hadn’t talked to me all the way home, and he didn’t answer when I called him.

    Why can’t he or Mama see the monsters from the circus but I can?

    I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to disappear.

    “But who would protect Mama from the bad, scary people if I leave?”

    The three-eyed man’s face flashes before my eyes. I’m not scared this time, though.

    *I* have to protect Mama.

    I hop from the bed and set toy soldiers outside of my door. I start to look for weapons, but the doorbell freezes me in place.

    I hear Mama answer the door.

    “Garrett! Davey! We have visitors from the circus!”

    I wish I could sink into the floor.

    I go slowly down the steps and peek around the corner. I stop my gasp with my hand.

    Two ladies sit at the table with Mama. One is the same spider woman from before and the other is red with horns and a tail!

    “Davey! Come meet our guests!”

    The spider woman turns and waves. The horned lady gives a scary smile. Her teeth are yellow and sharp.

    “No, thank you.” I try to leave, but Papa comes downstairs. He takes me to the table with him.

    “Don’t be rude.” Papa smiles oddly at the horned lady. He doesn’t seem like himself.

    The spider lady points to herself then her friend. “Erma. Sheam. Nice to meet you.”

    Mama introduces us and offers them treats.

    Erma takes one. Sheam doesn’t.

    “Sorry for the intrusion. We want to make sure you’re ok. After the box trick.”

    “Oh, yes! We’re all fine. Thank you.”

    Papa nods.

    Erma pokes Sheam with her elbow. Sheam mutters in a language I don’t understand.

    “An’ YEW, Davey?”

    I glare, not saying anything.

    “Ach! Bleedin’ kid!”

    “Such fire, though.” Erma giggles.

    “Davey!”

    “No, no. We visited unannounced. It was lovely meeting you.”

    They stand and head to the door.

    “We’ll call ahead next time,” Erma promises.

    1. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLSKN

      This is interesting. Why are they interested in Davey? What allows him to see things others don’t?

      I do like how you’ve played with the dialogue here. It’s evocative , despite no character having more than a handful of lines.

      Minor nitpicks:
      “ Papa smiles oddly at the horned lady. He doesn’t seem like Papa.” Should this be She?

      1. Thank you for your review, RVMPLSTLSKN. Short version: Davey has the ‘Sight’, which allows him to see these creatures as they are instead of the humans they pretend to be. The ladies are interested in him because Big Top (their boss) has taken an interest in him. Big Top’s approach was far too aggressive, so he sent Erma and Sheam to put him at ease.

        Fixed the nitpick. Thanks for pointing that out.

        I’m glad you found some value in this story.

    2. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Davey truly loves his mother. Great job, Luna! It’s one thing when the thing you’re afraid of is in one place. It’s another altogether when it follows you home. I love the characterization of Erma and Sheam, even though we didn’t see much of them. I wonder what Big Top’s next move is.

      1. He does indeed love him mom. Very true. It feels invasive and can cause major paranoia. I’m really enjoying writing about Erma and Sheam, I hope to write more about them and the rest of the cabaret in future installments. I’m actually curious as to how Big Top will move next myself. We’ll see. Thank you for reading and commenting, Wolf. Much appreciated!

    3. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      I love this setting so much, and I’m glad we visited again. It’s so creepy and otherworldly, it draws you in as the atmosphere coils tightly around you, capturing you and preventing escape. I’m chained down by my own bed to know what happens next despite the feeling of dread and worry. So well done!

      1. Thank you, Mystery. I’m so excited that you’re excited. I can’t wait to see what the next prompt has in store.

    4. Ohoho, it looks like I’ve missed the development of a new world in my absence. Count me curious!

      Connected stuff aside, this is really really good! You do a fantastic job of getting across the moment-to-moment feel of a young kid processing the world. If my childhood memories are accurate enough, it was a LOT of just taking stuff in, doing your best to respond in the moment, and sorting it all out later. And I’d wager that Davey is going to have some interesting dreams on top of it.

      Seriously wonderful job on this stylized way of telling a sensory-driven story. I’ll be looking out for more of this Big Top’s Cabaret Universe!

      1. Thank you, Brick. I’m glad you found some value in the story. We’ll see what’s in store next opportunity.

    5. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      You know, I still hope that the visuals – the *true* visuals – of the circus aren’t entirely indicative of what lies beneath the surface. These may be scary, supernatural beings to Davey, but they seem rather more complex and humanlike than pure monsters would be for sure. So I still like to imagine that they don’t mean true malice towards Davey, despite appearences and the ominiousness of past actions.

      Furthermore, I’m noticing a rather significant theme here. The supernatural, scary entities that are also curious towards and take interest in Davey’s true nature, contrast with the consistently rough and angry nature of his father, who while mundane and mostly predictable, could have the potential to be a worse monster than any of the circus people. I wonder if, in the end, that is what may drive Davey to the circus, despite all his fears?

      I find this universe fascinating as always Luna, great work! <3

      1. Your reviews are some of my favorites. I’m glad you found some value in the story. Thank you.

    6. KipOfTheMany Avatar
      KipOfTheMany

      It’s hard to write child characters and you do it so well! Davey feels young, like a toddler, and you can tell because of the way he experiances things in these short bursts of perception. And his resolve to protect his mother is so sweet and innocent depite the dire circumstances. And that’s the other thing, we have no idea why these people are a threat, or even if they are one based on the info given. But they feel threatening becuase this kid is so scared. It’s pretty great!

      1. He’s actually 8. Guess I’ll need to work harder to get him to sound older. Thank you for your review. I’m glad you found value in the story.

    7. I’m so happy to see a continuation of the Big Top’s Cabaret stories. I really love all the little details that imply so much more going on. Davey setting up toy soldiers as guards, his dad acting differently toward the devil woman who does not eat the snacks. Wonderful succubus implications. I really love the perspective from Davey being scared but feeling the need to protect his oblivious parents. It’s a wonderful way to bring agency to the seemingly helpless character.

  10. Campfire Disagreement
    By Giovanna J. Fuller

    “You have to get it closer to the coals.”

    “Stop it, Dee, I can do it on my own.”

    “But it’s not cooking. You’re going to-” Dee gasped and moved to take the stick. “It’s on fire. It’s gonna get all black!”

    The stick was yanked away and the little fire that had consumed the end of the stick went out. “So?”

    “You’re doing it wrong. It should be a nice, golden brown. You must be patient.” He demonstrated with his own marshmallow. Slowly, he turned the stick around so that the heat was evenly distributed. After a few minutes the puff began to change into a perfectly, golden brown treat.

    On the outside, it was slightly crispy. However, just beyond that thin crust of toasted sugar, was the ooey gooey center that burst forth once it was crushed between two honey crackers. He let out a moan as he tasted his perfectly toasted marshmallow and gave his companion a smug smile.

    “That’s how you do it.”

    “What if I like my marshmallows burnt?”

    “Then eat it.”

    He looked at his creation, hesitating.

    “Unless you’re a coward.”

    His eyes flashed angrily. “I am not a coward.”

    “Panny’s a coward! Panny’s a coward!” Dee taunted in a singsong tone.

    “Knock it off you two!” A deep voice boomed, cutting through the sound of the roaring fire and screams of innocents. “If you cannot get along, then you will get no…more…marshmallows!” A pair of golden eyes looked between the twin, ivory dragons.

    “Y-yes, mother,” the two dragonlings said.

    Their identical, blue eyes were so big and so pleading, that motherly instinct overcame the enormous dragon’s rage. She reached into the pouch and withdrew another marshmallow. “Panic-At-My-Roar, try again.” She handed a bar to the other. “Here, Death-Is-Upon-You, have some chocolate.”

    “Thank you, mother!”

    “Thanks, mother!”

    She smiled and watched her sons gobble up their sweet snacks as the village burned down around them. The sound of buildings collapsing and people fleeing in terror, akin to the soothing crickets and owls of peaceful, summer night.

    1. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      This is simultaneously disturbing and adorable. Dee and Panny are very entertaining, but to have the rug pulled from under you and revealing they are dragons and they are burning a village puts a whole different spin on it. Maybe this is some sort of messed-up barbecue. Also, the cultural ideas in this story are interesting. This really good. Nice job, GJ.

    2. I love the angle that you took with this prompt. I promise you, GJ, you and Carrie are on the same wavelengths for a lot of these stories, and it is crazy. A sweetly morbid story of dragons roasting marshmallows after burning down a village.

      The switch from playful, innocent banter to upset dragon mama then to relenting is very well written. Love love this piece. Great job.

    3. Matthew (Handsome Johanson) Avatar
      Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

      this is so good! I can’t believe how similar the themes of you and carrie’s stories are! you definitely take a different approach to the theme and i like it a lot! I like the subtle world building with their names and i love how you characterize them! they feel like the familiar dragon, but viewed from a more human perspective! i also like how you handled the twist here! I think when i read your first draft, it was a little more awkward… whatever you changed worked wanders and i think it flows pretty well now! It seamlessly transitions in a great way. i love it lol. great job!! 😀

    4. This is fabulous. I could go on about the composition and timing and all that fun technical stuff, but it all boils down to just some Dang Good Writing. So, instead, I’m just gonna list off a bunch of moments I absolutely loved.

      – Guessing it’s a marshmallow but having a slightly horrified moment it’s something far less fun, before the confirmation
      – ooey gooey
      – the pitch perfect melodrama of sibling fights, over anything
      – and mom leaning into it with her dramatic “no…more…marshmallows!”
      – the reveal of what those cutesy names stood for
      – I’m a fan of that multiple-descriptive-word naming convention in general (hi hello I have read everything by Erin Hunter and am tearing my way through Wings of Fire)
      – everything about the last paragraph just wraps it up in a neat little morbidly hilarious bow

      Stellar job, GJ ^.^

    5. I love this story so much. The interaction of teaching and learning to properly roast marshmallows is always interesting as a way to develop younger, or inexperienced characters. The revelation that they’re dragons and the fire is the village burning was an incredibly funny twist. Comparing the sounds of chaos and panic to how we perceive the peaceful sounds of the summer night was another delightful comparison.

  11. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “One More to Go”
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane

    The fire raged across the town, lighting up the night. People screamed. Children cried. Buildings crumbled. And Adal Muller felt her steps getting heavier. The smoke that poured out of her mouth was but a thin wisp now. Every muscle seemed to burn. But that was impossible. She was a dead thing. Dead things don’t feel pain. At least, they’re not supposed to.

    Adal ignored it and continued on her path. All of hatred and rage within her stoked the literal fire within her. Each step scorched the earth as she made her way to the small shack near the edge of town. The fire hadn’t gotten there yet, but that wasn’t an issue to her. She entered, beating down the door.

    “Oswin!” The forcefulness of her voice rattled the windows.

    The house was eerily silent. Only Adal’s footsteps echoed through the chamber. Along the back wall was a fireplace and in front of it sat an old woman. She was wizened beyond her years, her skin tan and leathery. Her irises had become milky blue cataracts, and her ears seemed to protrude like springtime buds. Slowly, she watched the fire as it burned low.

    “Who are you?” Adal could feel the flames begin to gather in her mouth.

    “Child of flame, why do you tarry here?” Her voice sounded like wind whistling through ancient trees.

    “Vengeance.” The revenant couldn’t help but tremble a little. Who was this woman?

    “And this Oswin is your last?” The old woman seemed to sigh.

    “Yes. And then I’ll be free.”

    A bitter laugh escaped the old woman’s throat. “Free? There is no such thing as free.”

    “What?”

    “You are a revenant, an entity that made a bargain with evil itself. So long as you can burn, you will.”

    “Where’s Oswin?”

    “It’s too late for that. The cycle is already starting again.”

    “W-wha— Starting again?”

    “The Outer Darkness is offering someone else revenance. Regret is a powerful thing.”

    Adal swallowed, the fire within her starting to ebb. Her body slowly blackened until only a pile of ash was left. Adal Muller was no more.

    1. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      Ooooo, this is a very interesting piece. I like the idea of seeing this woman completely engulfed in flames, walking through a town shouting for the person of their ire. I feel like you have written about this person before, but I could be wrong. I wonder who the old woman actually is. She seems like some sort of crone or witch or shaman. I just get this Baba Yaga vibe from her. I enjoy learning more and more about your worlds, Wolf. Very well done.

    2. It’s so satisfying yet sad to see the end of Adal and her story. I love the progression of her, as well. Even though she’s a revenant, she hurts and disintegrates more as her revenge comes to an end.

      So, she passed on because she let go of her hatred, or was the power of the passed on to another, maybe Oswin? I’m also curious as to who the old woman is. Did she too perhaps give herself over to the alluring temptation of revenge before? Or is she an ancient spirit who wants to counteract the the evil’s magic?

      I really love this piece, Wolf. There’s so much to think about and interpret. Excellent story.

    3. All right, this is really cool. Or warm. Right up front I’ll say I actually know nothing about revenants, so I have no idea how well this description adheres to general lore. So my impressions will be based purely on this scene on its own!

      I *l o v e* this concept. Vengeance and anger stoking a literal fire that burns within someone, until closure or something else quenches their need and leads that energy to turn on them. There’s also the horror of just… feeling your *being* slip away as your meat burns. The chills — delicious.

      Last thing, I’ll just add that I like the sudden way the scene ended. When your point of view stops existing, it feels right to end the scene as quickly as possible without your editor coming after you with a newspaper. If you get *really* brave, maybe you can try killing someone and ending it mid-sentence or even mid-word someti

    4. DesOttsel Avatar
      DesOttsel

      This is good. I really like the concept, but I felt the descriptions where lacking in character. It would have been cool to see how Adal felt about all the destruction around her or the pain or her second death. You could even do something as simply as, “she forced the cities wales out of her mind”. We know she feels burning in her muscles and hate for Oswin, but there’s not much characterization. However, the concept and imagery more than make up for it, and I really like how she’s literally burning herself into nothing for revenge

    5. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      There is a rather tragic arc to Adal Muller for sure – the last story I recall of her was the revenant in her prime, freshly returned in fire and fury, enacting revenge just as she saw fit on the target she had before her. The Adal we see now is quite different though. She is weakening, becoming more aimless and confused with only one target of revenge left, literally burning out. I especially liked “Slowly, she watched the fire as it burned low”, which could equally apply to the fire in front of the old women, *or* to Adal herself.

      I find it interesting how the icon of vengance ultimately went out with such a whimper – in the end, despite ‘slowly’ blackening into ash, she couldn’t find it in herself to strike against the old woman, even out of spite. I wonder if an aspect of this was also guilt weighing her down – I imagine even someone as angry as Adal may not have fallen entirely deaf to the screams of innocents dying all around her, even if she justified it all to herself at the time.

      In any case, she ended up feeling ultmately powerless against the old lady and her cutting words, despite the power dynamic by all rights being the other way round. In the end, she was just a miserable spirit lashing out on the world in death, and the moment she started to doubt, started to question her actions, she was discarded by the Outer Darkness for another. I feel for her still. But it’s also good that she is finally at rest.

      Great work Wolf! A strong story this week. ^w^

    6. This may be my bias for revenant lore, but I really enjoyed this story. So often the name is used interchangeably for ghosts and spirits, and it was so refreshing to see a more faithful depiction of the original lore. There’s enough mystery around the characters that make me want to know more about what’s going on and what happens from here.

  12. DesOttsel Avatar
    DesOttsel

    Lending warmth
    by Gage Jarman

    She gazed deep into the flames that were not for her. Her red hair shimmered in the bonfire’s light. She took several steps forward and felt a thick hand grasp hers.

    “Stand too close and the fire might give you a kiss.” Mattan bent his head down with a smirk at the transfixed girl. “Why do you think my eyebrows look like they do?

    “They grow a little different each time. Sometimes slender, sometimes short and thick. You never know until it’s already happened. After time, what was important, what you should have done differently, but it’s already passed. You can only try to stop it from happening again….

    “These brows, I don’t like them at all. Wished I would have been more patient a couple weeks ago.” Mattan laughed.

    The girl’s eyes began to glisten “But I’m Older than Hal. I trained more. I trained harder. The elders always say I’m not ready.” She finally looked at Mattan with all the Inner pain she’d been trying not to show the world.

    “Bronach,” Mattan spoke tenderly. “You chose to be a scout. If Hal makes a mistake, he has others to rely on. I’ve seen hunts. They’re not something you want to rush into. Not alone.”

    “Then when! What else do I need?.”

    “I’ve never hunted, but I know, there’s always a reason. Do you know why we light these fires for new hunters?”

    “It’s tradition, but they don’t mean anything. They don’t change who lives.”

    “They mean everything! They’re a reminder. That fire is your life. It’s fragile and takes great care to create. It grows until the flames pop and sizzle with vigor, but all fires eventually smolder into coals and go dim.

    “You burn hot, but you still need more fuel. The rain will douse you without a thought and there’ll be no light left within you. Is that how you’re going to honor your parents?” The words hung in the air as a pocket of pitch hissed.

    “Don’t throw yourself away. Just be a little more patient. You’ll make it, and I’ll be here, always.”

    1. This is very sweet, Des. The warmth between Mattan and Bronach is intimate. I definitely felt warm in my chest while reading. You do a great job of showing how much they mean to each other, and the fire is a perfect backdrop for this conversation. Great job.

    2. Lari B. Haven Avatar
      Lari B. Haven

      Such a warming storie. I can really feel their connection in their mentor and pupil dynamic.
      I love the contemplative nature of it’s message too. It really hits home to someone that it’s young and really eager to do stuff, that life it’s short and fragile. Very good one Des!

    3. I get the feeling most of your writing group entries are one-offs, which kinda sucks for me, because they’re really good and I always want to know more. This is no exception. It’s a well-written, satisfying scene that still leaves me with questions begging to be followed up on. I’m particularly interested in the capitalization of Older and the implications it holds.

      Last quick note — I appreciate your monologue. Don’t see those too often anymore. This three-paragrapher hints at character, worldbuilding, themes, and brings up more questions. And it reads quick and smooth, so I was never bored. That is a good monologue.

  13. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    How to Comfort a Fellow Dragon
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    Fraellieth bounced into her brother’s lair. “Zandaidien? Zan, you in there?”

    In the shadows of the cave, two glowing eyes suddenly appeared. “Oh. Hi, Frae.”

    “Zan?” Frae skidded to a stop. “You okay, bro?”

    “Yeah…” he sighed, “just…exhausted.”

    Frae carefully lit the torches on the cavern walls. Zan was curled up tightly on a pile of gold coins and assorted treasures. Many of his scales dotted the floor as well, a common sign of draconic stress.

    “What happened, Zan?” Frae asked.

    “R—remember the princess Uncle Chayrio got me for my birthday?”

    “Oh no, did she—”

    “She ran off with a prince two days later!” Zan started to sob. “Two days, Frae! I can’t do anything right!”

    “Zan…” Frae reached over to gently stroke the scales near his shoulder, “it’s okay. You know owning princesses is an old tradition anyways. Besides, aren’t you happy she isn’t bothering you anymore?”

    “But…but…what will Uncle think? He got her just for me!” Boiling tears continued to roll down Zan’s face.

    “Zan, listen to me,” Frae curled her neck to look at her brother’s face. “His reaction isn’t under your control. You can tell him, or not if you’d prefer that too, but you’re not a failure, alright? Say it back to me: I. Am. Not. A. Failure.”

    “I…I am not a f—failure.”

    “See? There you go! Now come on,” Frae helped her brother stand up, “Let’s do something fun to get your mind off things. Do you need food, water—”

    “I’ve, uh, stress eaten most everything here.”

    “Oh! Uh, well, okay…” Frae pondered for a minute, then snapped her claws. “Wanna raid a village?”

    “Really?!” Zan shot up. “I thought you’d never ask!”

    “Well that certainly picked you up!” Frae laughed, smiling with giant teeth.

    “Let’s go! Right now! There’s one by the South River that hasn’t been raided in centuries!”

    ~~~

    Wood crackled. People screamed. Chaos rang through the smoky air.

    The two great dragons stood on a nearby cliff, the heat of their destruction warming their scales.

    “Feel any better, Zan?” Frae teased.

    “Oh, absolutely.”

    1. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      This story is just a treat. This kind of reminds me of the book series Wings of Fire. I just love these giant lizards acting relatively human. I very much feel for Zan, I too would feel very sad if I lost or broke a gift to someone who might get mad at me. I also appreciate Frae’s attempt to make her brother feel better. The ending is also strikingly comedic to me and I just love it. Very well done, Glaceon.

    2. Oh, my Ancients! Carrie, this is adorably morbid. It’s a darling way for Free to cheer up Zan, but not so good for that poor village. I love that you show things from the dragons’ perspectives. I especially love the part about the princess. Wonderful, wonderful story.

    3. Matthew (Handsome Johanson) Avatar
      Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

      I’m loving these dragon centered stories!! this one hits so well! I love the tiny details about dragon anatomy and they way they react to stress. it’s cute and helps make some light out of real stressful situations 🙂 This was really wholesome. i could see it becoming a cute children’s book about an anxious dragon who is doing himbs best <3 very good job 🙂

    4. Hehehe, I love these kinds of stories, deconstructing tropes. The title instantly gave me an idea what to expect, and you kept that promise with aplomb. The dialogue is fun and natural, and the story is lighthearted even as they’re doing another Tuesday MassacreTM. This scene is a great complement to GJ Fuller’s entry, and it’s fun to think that the stories’ events might be happening in parallel.

      Now I just really wanna know what these old-fashioned dragons were supposed to DO with their pet princesses.

  14. Twangyflame0 Avatar
    Twangyflame0

    The Feeling of Fire
    By Twangyflame0

    William stretched as he prepared for his watch. It was around midnight as he looked over at Erin. She still seemed to be awake, despite her shift being over. Her form was outlined by the light of the campfire as her back faced him. He slowly walked over and crouched beside her.

    He expected her to leer or scowl at his approach. Instead, she snored quietly. He touched her arm, hoping to rouse her, and she fell into his arms with the gentle thud of dormant steel and leather.

    William had many questions all at once. How is someone able to sleep in armor? How is someone able to sleep while sitting? Why is she sleeping on me? Why is this happening at all? And why does it feel like my heart is going to explode?

    “Gods, you’re hopeless.” Jalal rolled his eyes as he floated into view.

    “Wha?”

    The devil gestured to the sleeping Erin, “She’s a soldier, a paladin even, she’s probably slept in the most uncomfortable of places.”

    William squirmed a little as he held onto her. He had no idea what to do.

    “You always just… pick her up and put her on her bedroll…”

    William looked at the devil incredulously, “Oh yeah, let me just lift her up while she’s in her armour.”

    “Listen, I don’t see why you’re complaining in the first place.”

    “W-What’s that supposed to mean?” William tried to keep his voice low, Erin’s body pressing up against him.

    The devil gave a sly smile, “Have you forgotten that I can hear every thought in your head?”

    “Yeah so?” For some reason, the fire felt warmer than normal.

    “You like her.”

    “Well… duh. She’s been relatively nice to me and has also saved my life a bunch.”

    “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

    William didn’t meet the devil’s eyes. His heart twisted and turned as he held Erin, frozen by being this close. The heat from the fire burned, much like the small flame growing inside William’s heart.

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Twangy, this story is adorable and I love it. Jalal’s actions are really fitting for his character, and he is a delight on the page. William is also quite fun to read about, and seeing Eris—a paladin and therefore probably a valiant warrior—do something very human was also very impactful from a writing standpoint. Overall, Twangy, this story is amazing. Great job!

    2. Twangy, the Master of Sweetness, coming through with this adorable story. It’s wonderful to see William and Erin again. I love the awkwardness of William and Jalal’s teasing.

      You blend funny, sweet, and awkward fabulously. I also love how you characterize Erin without even giving her dialogue. She’s strong and brave and dedicated. Love the story.

    3. Awww someone is in love, isn’t he? XD Judging by the awkwardness of the moment there’s certainly something going on here 😉

      (Also having someone be able to hear the thoughts in your head intensifies the awkwardness of course)

      I don’t know much about these characters but I can certainly relate to being able to fall asleep pretty much everywhere)

      I can’t really say much on grammar and such so I’ll just say good job Twangy!

      1. I really liked it 😉

    4. Cuuuuuute! William sounds like that hopelessly awkward guy destined to pine for oh so long, and while I feel sorry for him, it’s a darn fun thing to read. I especially liked how you described all those questions in rapid succession, pretty well capturing the racing-mind feeling of Oh No Someone I Like Is Doing A Thing. Just, very cute overall 🙂

    5. Awwww. Heheh I like the devil pointing out the obvious and William intentionaly miss-interpreting.

      Also William seems a bit worldy innocent, or naive, in this story and I hope he grows a bit before something (or someone) wakes him from it violently.

      I wonder what would have happened if Erin woke up xD Or if William ever mentioned this situation after the fact.

      In any case, a really good story Twangy!

  15. Matthew (Handsome Johanson) Avatar
    Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    Meeting With the Devil
    by Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    When I learned that Adam Ramsey had retired to a secluded life in a rural village near me, I endeavored to meet him in person. The man had garnered a more than notorious reputation in the last century, during a season of strife and turmoil. He started secret societies, was ill-tempered, published blasphemous books, and participated in occult rituals, at least if his accusers were to be believed. I sought to find out for sure.

    It was a rather cold afternoon. Upon reaching his manner, I was let in by his maid. She graciously led me to her master’s quarters, where he sat reading a volume on forgotten lore by his lit fireplace.

    He turned up to gaze at me with his sullen eyes. A look of contempt flashed upon his face as he set his book down.

    “Yes? To whom do I owe the pleasure?” He spoke in a hoarse voice.

    Firmly, I maintained my posture and addressed him, kindly. “I am Theodore Newman. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’d like to converse with you on your role as the founder of the Crepuscular Order of the Owl.”

    “I see.” With a creak, he sat back and pondered my request. Seeing his reaction, and being aware of his reputation to be somewhat hostile of prying eyes, I counted my blessings when he seemed unperturbed by the request.

    He admitted to me that my seeing him was by mistake of the maid, but that he would be willing to engage in a civil discussion.

    We talked for several moments, exploring his major philosophy, but when I asked him for his opinion of his movement’s effectiveness, he turned grim.

    “Listen, boy. Society cannot be changed through the action of many. Necessity is the mother of change, and the only beast powerful enough to move humanity.”

    “I cannot believe what you say is true.” I said, incredulously.

    “You are quite right,” he said. “If you can help it, don’t believe it. Old men like me with cold heads cannot help but to believe it. I’m sorry, but it is true.”

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Matthew, your story was impactful right out of the gate. In one paragraph you set up the character of Adam Ramsey and what Theodore Newman is trying to accomplish. Also the line “reading a volume of forgotten lore” was perfect. However, I’m still questioning why he insisted the maid made a mistake sending Theodore to him, and why. No matter the answer, this story is still great, Matthew. Nice job!

      1. Matthew (Handsome Johanson) Avatar
        Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

        the why is in that he doesn’t usually like visitors. the why outside of universe is that i wanted to demonstrate that this man who literally once subverted the entire continent no longer has any control over his domain. not even over a women he’s paying to help him with his home.

    2. This is a great introspective piece, Matty. It’s interesting that the Adam has lost his fire and passion for the order and life overall, now, it seems. He’s become jaded and self absorbed and a shell of who he was.

      On the other side, Theodore has plenty of zeal and zest for life. He’s passionate and bold while also seeming very inexperienced in regards to the cruelties of life.

      I really love how you present both sides with enough information to allow the readers to choose who they want to side with or believe in. Brilliant, thought sparking story, Matty. Fantastic.

    3. Man, I’d love to go have a beer and a long conversation with Adam Ramsey. I hope that I’m interpreting his motives correctly — he’s doing all this shady stuff as either an effort to cause the necessities that drive humanity, or responding to them.

      Now, because I’m a biology nerd, I gotta confess I squinted at the Crepuscular Order of the Owl, and then did some googling. Is this a joke? I wanna say it’s a joke but maybe you know something about dawn-dusk-active owls that I don’t cx
      If there was a specific thing I was meant to pick up on there, please DM me the answer I beg you!

      (Quick proofreading note — “Upon reaching his *manor”)

      Great story. I liked it a lot ^.^

  16. A Visit as brief as a Spark
    by Exce, checked by Johan, Luna and Wvlf

    Fire crackled inside the great metal bowl where a large pool of pale liquid burned near invisibly down below.

    But as the flames rose they turned red and orange, giving enough heat to keep the groups warm that sat around it.

    They chatted and drank, talking about everyday chores to distract themselves from the starless night that filled their every day this season. Some were satisfied with listening, nursing their mugs and basking in the heat whilst others spoke.

    Syrus sat with his tankard resting between his feet on the cobbles of the town plaza.
    He did not seek out conversations, but plenty of people came to him with questions hoping that he had read the answers somewhere.

    During a break of these visitations he leaned down to pick up his tankard, when a set of well worn boots stepped into his vision.

    The person kept a bit of distance, but was close enough for Syrus to notice.

    “Syrus?” Their voice was rough.

    The older man looked up, fingers wrapped around the hot tankard.
    “Yes, the very same.”

    After taking in the hooded and cloaked figure, their hem still wet from snow and silhouetted by fire, Syrus added, “Are you passing through? The forester can probably help you more than some old Librarian.” He chuckled but the figure shook its head.

    “No, I have crossed this area often enough to find my way in the dark.I..”.” They hesitated for a moment before pulling something from the depths of their coat. “I merely wish to deliver well wishes for the New Year, and a High Night present.”

    Syrus put down the tankard to receive the package. Pulling at the brown paper, he created a tear that allowed him to see a faded, gold lettered cover.

    He looked up sharply, but the figure had vanished.

    Looking about, he spotted them by an alley. Turned towards the fire, their red hair and blue eyes were illuminated for a moment.

    Syrus pressed his lips together. He curled his fingers around the antiquarian books, as he watched his foster-son melt back into the shadows.

    1. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      This is a very interesting story Exce, and well fit for the coming holidays. I kind of just see this coming at the of a Christmas-themed episode, where the main plot has been settled and this is just the icing on the cake. I enjoyed the mystery of Syrus and the foster son. I didn’t quite know why they were important up till the very end and that worked splendidly. Very well done.

    2. This is a bittersweet one, Exce. I wonder what has caused Excelsius and Syrus to become estranged. Maybe Excelsius’ ongoing vendetta against the Angels? That’s got to be difficult on both of them. It is very sweet and appreciative that Syrus brings his foster dad gifts despite their estranged relationship. I don’t think they would ever have a relationship that many of us would consider normal, but it is still very sweet that they remember each other. It shows the level of compassion and care from both of them. Great job.

    3. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This was rather atmospheric, and relaxed as you’d expect from a christmas-themed story like this was going for. Though this immediately is more of an alien setting to what we are used to, what with a starless night sky adding an ominious background to what otherwise is a humble celebration around a giant bowl of fire.

      Exce’s appearence and behaviour here is certainly quite mysterious – he and his foster father are clearly estranged, and yet it seems pretty clear that they both care for each other still in some way – I doubt the feelings that made Exce give Syrus a gift are entirely one-way. And what was the mysterious present he gave as a gift? An old book, perhaps borrowed from Syrus’s library a long time before? Or is the book or books entirely new ones to add to his shelves?

      Either way, this was an evocative and interesting story, as yours often are. Well done! 🙂

    4. Long time no review! We were messaging just a bit ago, but it’s been a hot minute since I’ve done one of these, huh?
      Anyway, I like the details of this scene a lot. Syrus seems really sad. I honestly wish I could get a little more insight into his emotional state, stoic though he seems. And, as always, several elements of the scene bring out questions.

      Proofreading — there seems to be a weird punctuation thing in the paragraph starting “No, I have crossed…” Maybe an extraneous quotation mark? Should be an easy fix.

      Yeah, this was a good read. I’m consistently surprised at how much content you can fit into 350 words 🙂

  17. Fire Hazard
    by Clanso

    Jason, my superior, sits next to Hestia in full firefighter gear and gently pats the dying creature’s beak. Hestia squawks and playfully tries to bite his glove, but it’s clear that her strength is fading.

    “She’s still losing feathers. You should put your suit on.” Jason sounds concerned. Of course he does. The last time this happened the shelter nearly was destroyed in the resulting explosion, and paperwork was an absolute nightmare to deal with. So I do as he says and then make the announcement.

    “Attention, all employees! This is not a drill. Everyone not trained to deal with category 4 creatures and equipped with adequate fireproofing charms is to leave the building immediately. I repeat: this is not a drill!”

    About ten minutes later, the room begins to heat up, and the fire that has been Hestia’s life support for the last weeks abruptly increases in size and brightness until my entire field of vision is nothing but fire. I squeeze my eyes shut and wait for the inevitable. 3…2…1… This is going to hurt.

    The next thing I know I’m upside down in a corner, my fireproofing charm has melted, my entire body hurts like Clarice has abused me as a chew toy, and my vision is completely taken over by afterimages of the explosion.

    When they fade, I see Jason, still in the containment circle in the middle of the room. Anyone else would be human popcorn, but Jason just calmly picks up the egg from the pile of ashes that used to be Hestia and gestures for me to take it.

    The egg is transparent, and I can even feel something like a heartbeat through my gloves as I carefully carry it over to the incubator. Every movement is painful but I somehow manage to put the egg under the heat lamp without dropping it. Looking down on the tiny phoenix I almost feel parental pride.

    “We’re parents now, Jason.” I joke. He gives me a stern look but I know he’s smiling.

    “Congratulations, Alex. She’s a good looking girl.”

    “She is.”

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Oh heck. So, when phoenixes revive themselves in this world, they go absolutely ham about it! The description of the build up and the eventual explosion itself was awesome – the way the actual moment of the explosion is almost skipped, and only the aftermath is absorbed and percieved by Alex, feels fitting to the sheer sudden nature of the event.

      The worldbuilding here is very intruguing too – this is clearly a facility for the shelter of magical creatures, and a whooole lot of work must have gone into all the procedures and containment involved for all the varieties of creatures possible here. After all, look at all the complex stuff going into dealing with the death of a single phoenix – containment circles, fireproofing charms, shelter-wide alerts… all in all, I am very interested by the world presented here. Oh, and I wonder if Clarice is just a dog, or something actually capable of using him as a chew toy?

      Awesome work here, good job! 😀

    2. This makes me feel warm all over, Claire. I love that there can be two instances of fire here: the phoenix and the determination of these two to make Hestia feel comfortable and safe. It’s especially sweet because they’re doing it at great personal risk to themselves. I also love that they feel like parents. Beautiful job.

    3. You had me in the first half, not gonna lie!
      But for real, a lot of this read like fantasy (possibly Greek mythology) SCP stuff, and that was a really cool combo.
      I’m so glad you did a phoenix story. It’s especially interesting combined with the trappings of a mundane office-type environment, what with the mention of paperwork and company-speak. There’s definitely some sadness in the story, but overall it’s an amusing and heartwarming scene. Nicely done 🙂

  18. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    A Quiet Moment (Nyssa’s Story)
    By Calliope Rannis

    As the campfire surged into life, Nyssa finally let herself relax. Shrugging off her heavy backpack, she sank backwards onto the soft earth, trying to find a comfy way to sit despite her aches and pains. Some of that was just the aftermath of fatigue and strain, but the dungeon they had fought within for the past two days had left deeper marks on her too.

    She pulled up the left sleeve of her robes, carefully stroking the blackened slash-scar on her shoulder. The healing magic of her friends (Can she call them that? Her friends? Do her fellow party members really see her that way?) had sealed up the wound, but the mark left behind by the Shadow Assassin’s amorphous dagger would not easily fade. Nyssa was used to numb skin, most of her body had felt that way ever since the Storm, but the numbness around the dark scar felt deeper and colder. It didn’t tingle or twinge at her touch, but instead felt like nothing at all, not even pain. She hoped that time alone would be enough to reverse the damage.

    Pulling up her right sleeve, she winced. She still didn’t like to look at it, even after healing and over a day later. This arm was completely riven with marks of teeth and tearing – the result of sticking it right into a mimic’s maw. The limb was still warm with residual pain, and it was a little difficult to open and close her hand properly. But at least this damage was purely physical. She just had to wait, and all that ugliness would eventually shrink away.

    Nyssa pulled her sleeves down and looked up again, to see her party beginning to gather round the cheerful fire. Rosewin, Vagrant and Alex, Dante (she still needed to apologise to him), Astiroth, Agama (Meh too, maybe?), even Ace was fitting right in like he’d known them all for months… she still didn’t believe that she had gotten so lucky. That they counted on her, and her on them. A bond beyond just convenience.

    She hoped it would last.

    1. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLSKN

      This is an intriguing piece for Nyssa. We finally see her interacting with nonhostile others. And it’s bittersweet.

      I don’t see anything grammatically wrong, but there’re a couple places I think are a little rough. The naming list, for one, feels disjointed. We don’t know these characters and there’s no description of them.

      Another is her initial thoughts on having others around and not being alone. It feels unnaturally long. Maybe play with one line of thought instead of three?

      I really enjoyed this glimpse of the larger world, Calliope!

    2. What I appreciate about this the most is Nyssa getting some much deserved downtime. It’s her enjoying time around a fire with close friends. It’s wonderful that she doesn’t always have to feel dread or anxious and overall doom. Very lovely piece, Calliope.

    3. I don’t know much about Nyssa or your world in general but it certainly seems like this has been long overdue. It feels like space to breathe. (Also there are other people now,maybe even friends which also sounds like a rather good development!) The selfdoubts are still there, but not as intense from what I see.

      Very well done Calliope!

    4. Nice story! Oof, I really feel the sting in that scar. The whole scene is very good, but there’s one specific thing you did on the compositional level that intrigued me. Second paragraph, parentheses — that stuff is in third person, present, while the rest is obviously past tense. I’ve never seen that before! Third person present in a general sense yeah, and several methods of going into the MC’s head for a parenthetical aside, but I’m pretty sure this is a first. I don’t know if it would fly in like a published novel or whatever, and I don’t super care. The way you did that somehow feels *right.* The novelty of past-to-parenthetical-present struck me, but as I think about it, I think I would have done the same.
      Thanks for giving me a new writing toy to play with!

  19. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
    RVMPLSTLSKN

    By the Fire
    By RVMPLSTLSKN

    The Everflame smoldered.

    Vienas couldn’t see its waning light, but she felt it on her skin. She felt the cold too. There was no barrier of heat emanating from Raimundos’s Everflame.

    “Is that all of it?” She asked.

    “Yes,” Padas said.

    “And it’s still burning?”

    “Yes.”

    “Tell me about it.”

    She felt his arm rise and fall in a shrug. “It’s a fire.”

    She laughed. “And?”

    “There’s no wood with it.”

    “What’s it attached to?”

    “Nothing.”

    Impossible, she thought. But how could she understand the workings of gods? What is possible to the divine? Still, she’d always thought the Everflame would be tethered to an object.

    “Did it give you trouble?”

    “No.”

    “And the shovel?”

    “The iron glowed white, but it went back to normal.”

    She nodded. If their situation weren’t so bleak, so incomprehensible, she might have laughed at the thought of collecting temple relics to keep peasants warm. Divine gifts should be used though.

    She laid a hand on his arm. He stiffened. “Thank you.” She knew he was unnerved by the empty temples.

    “I’m going clamming tomorrow,” he said. “We’ll start a stew.”

    “A curry,” she said. “There’s lard and rice in the stores. And peppers.”

    He nodded. It was strange. She could feel the tension and shift in his arm, but not see his frown. She wondered how she knew he was frowning; if she would ever grow accustomed to not seeing; if he would ever relax around her.

    “What can I do to prepare while you’re gone?” She didn’t look up at him. She’d started keeping her eyes closed. She wanted him to be at ease.

    “I don’t know.”

    “Well, I can’t cook yet.”

    Nor can I read, she thought. It was the worst part of her blindness.

    “I’ll cook, priestess.”

    “Vienas!” She snapped. “You’ll call me by my name.”

    “Yes, Vienas.”

    “And you’ll drop that tone. There’re no castes anymore.” She shuddered, knowing her place if there were.

    “I—. Yes, Vienas.”

    “Better.” She leaned against him. “I’m still cold.”

    He wrapped an arm around her and they both faced the Everflame, warm at last.

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Ahh, so my theorising from the previous story was accurate then – they are finding the old remnants left behind by the gods, and using what remains of their power to make the world a little bit easier to live within. I imagine the Everflame was once a sacred item of worship, a channel of faith – but now it serves the base purpose of keeping some of the last people alive warm. A modest purpose, and yet the only thing that remains important anymore. Perhaps not forever – the Everflame is described as ‘waning’ after all – but long enough for the meantime.

      I really liked the dialogue between these two as well – it feels earlier in their relationship, when they are still getting used to each other as much as the world around them. Vineas is beginning to learn subtle stuff about Padas, such as when she knows he is frowning – but still doubts the basis of her knowledge. And their negotiation of each other’s boundaries and concerns feels like part of their adaption to each other too – she closes her eyes to relax Padas, while he learns to call her by her name instead of title. The kinda healthy learning and communication that is vital to prevent these two from hating each other in their long isolation together.

      Another great story Rvmple! I am always happy to read more from this pair. 🙂

    2. It’s interesting that even though they have a baby on the way, they’re still quite uncomfortable around each other. The need for survival makes strange bedfellows out of people.

      Critique:

      She didn’t look up at him. (I understand what you mean, but one would assume she could see while doing this. Maybe change it or mention she’s blind beforehand?)

      This is incredibly sweet. I love how natural the dialogue is, and how loving the atmosphere feels. Great story, RVMPLSTLSKN.

    3. Really solid story, man. The concept of the Everflame is pretty cool, and it’s good for tying the rest of the piece together. The dialogue feels natural, while having a palpable rise, fall, and conclusion that closes the scene nicely. I also really feel the awkwardness and the way Vienas wants to be closer to Padas. I have to wonder whether most of the tension comes from apparently-recently-destroyed hierarchy stuff, or if there’s something else going on.
      Good job 🙂

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