Writing Group: Reaching into the Maw

Hello, caretakers and daredevils.

You know I’m never one to argue, but doesn’t this seem a bit dangerous? I’m sure you can handle it, but I just think you should be careful. This thing looks… mean. What if it snaps shut? I just hope you know what you’re doing, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Reaching into the Maw

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

What a way to close out the year, hey? A prompt that perfectly describes how we’re facing the new year head on, no matter how big and scary its teeth may be.

In the literal sense, a “maw” is a mouth. Reaching into one, I’m sure you can guess, isn’t always the safest thing. It could be a veterinarian, needing to reach deep to give some great stubborn beast its medicine. It could be as simple as a dentist tending to the teeth of his patient. Perhaps a couple of risk-taking adventurers got in a little over their heads, and one is trying to pull the other from the jaws of some hungry creature. Or maybe it’s just some pet that ate something it shouldn’t have, and their human has to pull it out.

But the term “maw” can be descriptive, as well. It doesn’t have to be a literal mouth. It could be a mage investigating some big mysterious cave, reaching their arm inside to illuminate the cavern with their staff. Perhaps a child lost their favourite toy down a gaping well, and they’re reaching anything they can into it to fish it out. Maybe the maw is the metaphorical jaws of depression, and a friend is reaching as deep as they can to help. Or perhaps the maw is the dark, gaping stairway to the basement, and one little child has to be brave and reach inside to pull the string for the light.

There are so many ways to take this prompt. So many literal, and not-so-literal interpretations. So reach far into the depths of your mind and bring us a story from within the jaws of your imagination.

Oh, and uh… mind the teeth.

—Shawna

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Friday at 7:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit, and get ready to help each other improve their confidence in their writing, as well as their skill with their craft!

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least four stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and two of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
    6. No additional text styling (such as italics or bold text). Do not use asterisks, hyphens, or any other symbol to indicate whether text should be bold, italic, or styled in any other way. CAPS are okay, though.
  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new (no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    6. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    7. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

160 responses to “Writing Group: Reaching into the Maw”

  1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
    Tamela Redfin

    Maw’s Gift
    By Tamela Redfin

    Ouch.

    That was quite a fall. I’m surprised that I didn’t break anything. I tried to stand up, but my leg was pulsing with pain.

    In time my eyes adjusted to the darkness. Maybe now I could move around, but something didn’t feel right. My leg was still in pain, but I knew it wasn’t broken.

    I shouted to see if my siblings were around, but I only heard the dripping of the cave itself. Should I stay? Someone may be looking for me.

    I saw a glint in the darkness. Could it have been a flashlight? “Who’s there?” I called out.
    There was no answer. “It’s me, Cam!” No response. I waited for what seemed like hours, but no one came to rescue me.

    At last, I came to the source of the light. It was a small, sand colored stone with a silver streak that seemed to produce its own light. I wasn’t much of a rock collector, though I felt the need to grab this curious object. Maybe I could use it as a light. I stared into the maw, navigating my hand through the sharp stalagmites and stalactites until the treasure was mine.

    I held the stone and wandered through the endless caverns. The rock was brighter than I thought and it made a decent flashlight, but even that didn’t provide a way out. I began to question if there was even an exit to this cave.

    Eventually, the rock was the only light I could see. I traveled deeper into the caverns. The further I traveled, the heavier my steps became. My vision started to blur. I had no choice but to rest for the night. I used my backpack as an impromptu pillow and laid my head on it. I held the precious stone close to my chest and I could’ve sworn that it provided me with warmth in the cold caverns.

    When I opened my eyes, I was surrounded by green instead of beige colors. I dug my hand into the ground, and small beads of water clung to my fingers.

    1. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      Hmm, this is intriguing. I think there may be something special about the stone Cam found. It seems to have teleported him to a new location, or perhaps a new world entirely. I’m curious to see where this storyline goes!

  2. “A Seance for a Forbidden Past”

    By Frei

    What use did this serve? Preservation? No, she was perfectly alive, if not drastically different. Knowledge? No, the toxic blend in her chitinous hands put her in far more danger than irrelevant information could make up for. The brazier was before her, burning with mere wood chips and sage. The act of grinding of the blend was enough to haze the thoughts, and she drew a deep breath, catching the last fragrance of the benign smoke, as her hands opened aloft the fire.

    Curiosity was her only reason. Enough crumbs were left behind that she hungered for bread, the nagging at her mind like the incessant convulsions of a starving stomach. The smell changed instantly, and the heat flashed brightly but briefly in blues, violets, greens, and crackling white.

    The smoke turned thick and dark as the living memories churned. The ruins she awoke in, the icy womb of her genesis, the indecipherable carvings, and finally her insectile features paired with her own soulless black and amber eyes…

    Her hands extended, tongue dryly sticking to her mouth as the muscles in her chest wobbled and tightened with nervousness. With a final sober breath, she waved the dark plumes towards her and was engulfed.

    She nearly toppled face-first into the fire as an incredible pain fired through her skull. She relived her first oxygen-starved moments in this world, able to draw breath only after a torrent of black bile had passed. Then, a flash of clarity that was as cold water on an arid throat, or blood pushing once more through the parched veins of a mummy. A feeling of seeing higher than oneself, of feeling thoughts that were not one’s own. A feeling that nearly blotted out the burning of her airways. She felt a lattice in her hands that stretched to the world around her, tightening at the hearts of others.

    But before she could tug those strings, the feeling was gone, leaving only the reeling from the psychedelics, poisons, and mystical stimulants she inhaled. She, and the lesser minds around her dashed to the ground in agony.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      The title is most excellent, Frei. There are some great details and descriptions. I love that you display the process that she goes through in order to achieve this memory viewing. The ending feels extraordinarily bittersweet. I definitely felt psychedelic while reading this. Great job.

    2. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      Interesting story. I wonder why she wants to relive these memories. You say that it’s simply curiosity, but her actions suggest that she is not doing this just for fun. She seems willing to endure this ultimately painful experience for that taste of clarity and higher understanding beyond what can be expressed in words. She reaches into the maw of enlightenment through psychedelics knowing full well it could consume her entirely.

  3. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
    Arith_Winterfell

    “The Teeth at Frostmouth”

    By Arith_Winterfell

    We had journeyed across the Scaren Peaks, a ruggedly mountainous landscape southwest of the wondrous City of Valenhost, to the wilderness of ice and snow. Now after our seemingly long and cold trek we had found the bandits cavern lair. Frostmouth Cavern was a fitting name for it, as it looked like the mouth of some large beast with icicles for teeth. We had kept quiet on our approach, not only to avoid alerting the bandits, but also to reduce the likelihood of an avalanche being triggered from the higher peaks.

    Moren, one of the warriors in our group, however, was too impatient and after all this skulking saw fit to charge forward without the rest of us!

    “By Balgor’s Fists!” Moren cried as he charged into their encampment, and the rest of us chased after him, hoping his battle cry wouldn’t bring some of the massive shafts of ice down on our heads. Moren looked around eagerly, clearly expecting bandits to come flooding out of the shadows to assault him and for him to glory in their slaughter. He slowed his enthusiasm as he finally noticed what the rest of us could see clearly, now that we were in the midst of the encampment. Dead bodies. Dead bodies torn apart by something savage. The bandits all appeared dead. All of them suffering from the same ragged wounds fringed with frost. Even Moren had begun to temper his previous excitement.

    “Iceraths?” I asked of Melnor, my fellow mage in our band. He silently nodded his agreement. Our band closed ranks as we started to hear it. The sounds of softly crackling ice, followed by a ripple of hisses as toothy maws rimed with ice rushed out of the darkness deeper in the cave. Long serpentine creatures swimming through the air with rapidly unfurling wings, their legless bodies leaving no marks in the snow as they passed. The hunters were now the hunted.

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Well this was an unfortunate circumstance indeed. Mr Moren must be a great warrior indeed to have decided to Leeroy Jenkins his way into the cave all by himself, or just very stupid. (His name is literally ‘Moron’ with one letter changed to be fair.) I wonder how he managed to survive this long in any case, unless he’s the young new member of the group.

      (Couple typos here and there: ‘Now after out’ > ‘Now after our’, “chased after him hoping” could use a comma after ‘him’, “could see clearly now” could use a comma after ‘clearly’, ‘crackling’ > you likely meant ‘cracking’ for the ice.)

      I do like the twisting of the scenario and subsequent escalation of the threat – while neither obvious threats of the bandits or the risk of avalanche came to be, the vicious forms of the Iceraths seem to be an intimidating and dire threat to this band of warriors. And the fact they are basically legless winged serpents do make them rather strange and memorable beings too. Good work Arith! 🙂

      1. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
        Arith_Winterfell

        Thank you for the review Calliope! I made your suggested changes where I thought they helped (which they did a good deal) so thanks for those! 🙂

    2. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      Moren didn’t just reach into the maw, he practically leaped into it headfirst! I am curious about the Iceraths though. Are they similar or different from ice wraiths? They seem to have similar descriptions.

      I like the rising action of this story, bringing several possible tragedies into play, from Moren’s shout possibly causing an avalanche, to the bandit camp that Moren rushes into. The entire story had me pretty much screaming at Moren to look before he leaps, but of course, he did not listen.

      I hope that this encounter teaches him to have a bit more tact and hopefully, it’s not at the cost of the adventurer’s lives. Excellent writing, Arith!

      1. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
        Arith_Winterfell

        Yes, the Iceraths were partly inspired by Skyrim’s Ice Wraiths, though unlike those creatures that are more elemental cold and kind of spectral, the Iceraths are more draconic, scaly and very physical (blood and all), sort of legless winged dragons that swim through the air, though they are tied to the cold elements.

  4. Deep Into Its Pockets
    By Zerokz

    The Prince’s footsteps echoed down the cavern halls. It was adventure that ran through his veins. The mere concept of traveling the world, fighting dastardly evils!

    However, the stubborn Prince was very much underprepared. Fighting a ferocious reptilian-like monster was no easy task. The nervous energy increased as he took each step. It felt as though that energy snaked up his boots and set a shiver through his spine.

    “My n-now. There is no need to f-f-fear. I-It’s just a… a giant lizard. No need for w-worry.” He assured himself, although his words were nothing but a small distraction. As he spoke, something squeezed around his leg.

    A thin long tail wrapped around his foot, and dragged him to the monster’s lair. His chest collapsed under its claw. A large snout heaved foul, smokey air, and under these circumstances, the Prince grew small, fear overwhelming any form of confidence.

    The creature’s voice boomed, its large maw almost brushing against the Prince’s face, taunting him with sharp teeth. “What do we have here?”

    The Prince’s words turned to incoherent babbling, as he reached up and attempted to push away the large creature’s snout.

    “Ah! So the little Prince wants to know more about my deadly jaw? Well, that is of no issue.” The creature opened it’s large mouth, and if the Prince wasn’t filled with terror, it seemed as if the reptile smiled. “Would you like to reach farther, little one?”

    The Prince squeezed his eyes shut and violently shaked his head.

    “You wish is my command, small being of power.” The monster lifted its claw off of the fright-stricken Prince, and moved away, still towering over him.

    The Prince stared up at it, eyes wide. He managed to mumble a thank you as he scurried off, in hopes of reaching safety.

    The dragon smiled smugly, and lifted its talons, revealing a large bag of coins. “The deepest of pockets deserve my gratitude.” It fumbled open the bag, and poured the small, gold coins down its throat. The beast was satisfied. Not with flesh, but with cold, smooth metal.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I absolutely love this, Zerokz. You set up things brilliantly. And I especially love the subversion at the end. It’s great that the beast takes coin over flesh. Despite that, though, the MC’s fears are entirely validated. I would like to think that these two can become very good acquaintances, if you decide to continue the storyline. Overall, this was a fun story.

      1. Ooh! I hadn’t thought to continue the storyline, but that could be really fun! Thank you!

    2. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      A classic case of expectation versus reality, where someone can easily believe that they have what it takes to face certain evil, but falter once they actually come up against it.

      The entire scene is tense and you get the overwhelming sense that the prince will not survive this encounter, so the twist gives the prince and the reader a sense of relief. It almost makes fear the main enemy of the story rather than the dragon and I love it.

      I think you nail each character’s personalities as well. The way that the prince fumbles with his words perfectly contrasts the dragon’s prideful and almost mocking tone.

      Overall excellent story, Zeroks!

      1. I’m glad! I really wanted to get the idea of expectation vs reality across.
        Thank you!

  5. Michael Case Avatar
    Michael Case

    Vivant
    By MDC

    The cave walls closed in with a wet smack. The air inside the cave was thick. This Miasma was really kicking up my asthma. The smell was worse. Between every breath I had to choose between exhaling and vomiting. The warm damp air was making my skin itch. I started to get lightheaded and needed to sit.

    After pulling off my backpack I pulled out the map again. “Crap, it said that the Cave Ignavum Draco should be right here. Instead, I got stuck in a mud cave. Where’s the treasure, where’s Ignavim’s tomb, where’s the… the anything?” No one was around so I was talking out loud to myself. So, what.

    After trying to get my breath back I had felt a cool breeze float across my face. I followed it to where I thought it was coming from. It was from up in the ceiling near a smallish hole. I thought that I might be able to fit in there and get a way out, but the holes would have been tight. I started to place my foot up against the walls of the mud cave and use it to gain some height.

    Just as I was starting to jump, the ground shook. I tried again in a panic. Mud caves as very unstable and the slightest of Earthquakes could cause the whole place to flatten. So, I used the wall again and was able to get my hands inside the hole where the air was coming in at. I woke up at Hospital after that.

    On the Television, a news reporter was speaking: “After years of disappearances near the Scale Mountains in northern France, an answer for these questions was finally answered. The mountain itself stood up and ejected decades, perhaps even centuries of bodies. Some in advanced stages of decay, others still rotting. One of the rescuers said that a single living body was recovered. When asked if the person was conscience, the rescue worker only stated that the person mumbled out one word, Vivant.”

    1. Fredrick H. Avatar
      Fredrick H.

      Perhaps sometimes our irrational fears are the only rational outcome. I am curious as to the meaning 0f the word Vivant, but that is minor. On continuity you spelled Invantum/Invantim two different ways. I would recommend splitting you paragraphs into smaller ones for readability. Overall, a great piece.

      1. Michael Case Avatar
        Michael Case

        According to Google Translate it means “alive”. The guy was referring to the place being alive. By the way the places name is Latin, it means “Beware the Lazy Dragon”. The “Invantum/Invantim” is a play of the point of the name being Latin.

        Thank you for reading this little tale. Sorry about the paragraph sizes, I’ve been writing a lot lately, and got used to writing paragraphs these sizes. I’ll keep that point in mind for the next submission.

    2. I really love the use of the news reporter to explain what happened to our protagonist! I enjoyed reading the description on the air in the “cave.” I would really like to know what the significance of Vivant is, is it the name of the creature, Vivant, or something else?

      1. Michael Case Avatar
        Michael Case

        The names and word choices are explained above. Thank you for reading this. I thought about how would the person know what happened to them if they were knocked out when they were ejected from the place. The news made sense to me, and I’m glad you liked that.

    3. Gamesolotl Avatar
      Gamesolotl

      This is a pretty terrifying story, you painted a good picture of the dread in this situation. The ending made it even more scary. Who knows how many bodies lay undiscovered in our own caves? A terrible way to go out. One tip I want to give you regarding your writing is to avoid using “started”. It usually is better to simply say “I placed my foot up against the wall” or “Just as I jumped, the ground shook”

  6. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    [Removed]

    1. Fredrick H. Avatar
      Fredrick H.

      Often when those who have done wrong attempt to do right, it is already too late. Really interesting use of maw-orientated body horror here. I am curious as to what this entity is and how these people came to worship it, but that is neither here nor there. Overall, a great piece.

      1. I-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
        I-prefer-the-term-antihero

        Very true. Though the question in this case is…*was* it too late?

        Thanks, I’m glad you liked that!! Is it body horror though? I get confused on what counts as body horror XD

        Yes, that is one of the biggest questions here, haha!! I wasn’t sure if I should try to provide more insight into that, but it almost seems like it was better to leave it mysterious!

        Thank you so much, I’m glad you liked it!!

    2. Makokam Avatar
      Makokam

      The cry of “Father!” really makes this story. This isn’t just some… upsidedown sarlac they found in a cave millennia ago and decided to worship. Something truly beyond the mortal is going on here. Though I have no idea what the Daughter has experienced, or what he is in for, I hope he succeeded.

      Or it is just some fuck off cave worm people have been making sacrifices to because of superstition and he was hallucinating at the end. Who’s to say, really?

      1. I-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
        I-prefer-the-term-antihero

        Indeed!! I liked the mystery that line added. I didn’t want to just end it with that last line without implication she was still alive, and leave us in a hopeless place, thinking it just devoured him too. Something more definitely is going on here…though how exactly she is still alive, and in what shape or form she is, I hadn’t quite decided XD
        Besides, the prompt is “*reaching* into the maw” I wanted to leave us with that reaching sense, that something *is* within the maw to get out, not that he’s devoured purposelessly.

        Hahaha!! Well I don’t know if you want me to leave it mysterious, but…no, I didn’t *intend* for it to be a hallucination at least XD
        In what little I thought through it, I thought it was either a fantasy creature, or an alien creature. And what I love about that is…depending on which it is, its reasons for being there, and what it can do, may wildly differ! But it’s definitely something intelligent.

        Thanks so much for the review!!

    3. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Ooh! This is really interesting, with a lot of unanswered questions that only add to the intrigue. For some reason, I am reminded in particular of Zelda Skyward Sword – both with the god-entity that is basically all mouth, and also the concept of saving an important person before they get digested by said entity, even though it already ate them.

      But of course, here involved more of a ‘social contract’ in a sense – to sacrifice virgins to the Goddess, in return for… surviving? Is this a volcano Goddess, where her wrath is only sated by these sacrifices, but in return she keeps the land fertile? Or is this entity just the awful maw that it appears to be, and all the sacrifices buy is time?

      Though that said, we did hear of the goddess granting mercy. And we do also hear the voice of his daughter, far above in the mouth that should have destroyed her body in an instant. Was the faith true, in that the sacrifice is transformed rather than merely killed? Has the daughter in some way become one with the entity, allowing her to speak through their gigantic mouth? Or is it just some cruel mimicking before the mouth devours him too?

      In any case, this is a fascinating story, very well done antihero! 😀

      1. I-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
        I-prefer-the-term-antihero

        I’m glad you thought so!!
        Oh awesome!! (I must’ve either forgotten that, or not got to that part… I’ve only watched part of a playthrough of that one XD)

        That’s a good question!!
        You’re free to come up with your own interpretations, (and I’m not sure if you wanted explanation or to leave it mysterious), but I was thinking more along the lines of the last one, but less as a mindless maw to be appeased, and more as an intelligent being who either started the sacrifices for hunger—(not an insatiable kind, just like “can y’all give me a pretty girl to snack on?”)—or fun, or the tribe started sacrificing on their own because they thought that’s what it wanted, and it was like “well if you’re gonna give me pretty girls I’m not gonna refuse…”
        The original ending of this was, instead of him hearing “Father!”, he looks up to see a tentacle thing descending, which has another mouth on it, and says to him (in a very non goddess-like voice) “Sure, what the hell?”
        I decided to pick the ending I did because I wanted to keep that sort of cosmic horror vibe going, and not take away from how awesome and terrifying this creature is. But I like how weird and jarring the other ending is too, and I am curious how people would have reacted to it XD
        And I do kinda like that idea that in reality it has very little goddess-like properties, it’s just having fun with the fact that the tribe believes it is a goddess. I’m not sure which is worse though XD

        Gosh, you give me more ideas than I even thought of!!
        I wasn’t quite sure myself to be honest XD It’s possible that she’s been mutilated by it, but somehow survived, or that mouth is more for show (like if that tentacle thing is there, it could safely bring them up so it could swallow them whole…though why it would have so many teeth if that were the case I’m not sure…Maybe it’s a shapeshifter or illusionist and just enjoys looking terrifying? Or that it’s true form is even *more* terrifying?)
        Another thought I had was that it was a portal rather than a mouth. That it doesn’t mind “spitting her back out” because it’s simply transferring these people between worlds.
        One thing this prompt originally made me think of was a theory video I’ve watched on the portal in coraline and how it could be alive, so I think there was potentially some of that idea here. (Point of interest, the visuals were also absolutely inspired by Don’t Starve’s Gorge event).

        Thank you so much for this delightful comment!! I’m glad you liked it and I appreciate it so much!!

    4. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLSKN

      You did fantastic job of washing us into the horror of this piece! I think the Aztec influence of the names helped a lot with setting up the ending. They telegraphed that this was likely a fantastical piece. The reminiscence and doubt were perfectly executed.

      But mostly, you gave us a beautiful story about a man who clings to his faith and still tries to do the right thing. And you did one hell of a job with it!

      There’s a couple nitpicks for grammar:
      The second paragraph should have a tense change from past to pluperfect. (He’d always thought… he’d believed….)

      Likewise, “They had to pry them apart…” ships be shifted to pluperfect. There’s a couple lines of Icnoyotl’s interactions needing to be pluperfected as well. The timelines get confused otherwise.

      “Was what all the virgins felt…” feels like it’s missing a word.

      The em dashes in the ending aren’t technically correct grammar—not in American English anyway—but it works rather well, so I’d leave it.

      1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
        i-prefer-the-term-antihero

        thank you so so much!! I’m glad you caught the Aztec influences! I’m glad to hear all that!!

        Awww, thanks so much!! <3

        Oh, I gotcha!! I agree that'd make it clearer. I don't think I can change it here, because adding "had"s would add words. But I'll definitely change that when I post it to other places!

        Oh my gosh, I literally even read even your comment as "Was this what all the virgins felt" wow, seriously did not catch that XD

        I gosh, I use them so often, I forgot they weren't proper XD I'm glad you liked it, at least, haha!!

    5. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      What is the point of believing in something if it will tear you away from what is most important? Clearly, Necalli came to this conclusion a bit too late.

      I am curious about the madman Icnoyotl and why he was considered to be insane when their entire group worships a living mouth that eats virgin daughters. Did he discover something that would change the entire organization’s way of life, causing him to be exiled or shunned?

      The reveal of this story is also paced extremely well and I loved every second of it. Excellent work, Antihero!

      1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
        i-prefer-the-term-antihero

        Indeed.

        Ahh, yes, great question!! In my mind Icnoyotl was once respected by the community, and believed in the goddess like everyone else, but one day somehow figured out what that creature in the cave really was, or at least that it was no goddess, and so they thought he was mad. Basically yes to that last sentence there. He was the only one who actually knew some of the truth, which is why when he sees Necalli so distraught, and rejecting the faith in a way, he comes to him.

        😀 I’m so happy to hear all that, thank you so much!! Pacing these short stories can be kind of difficult (case and point, I don’t feel like my story this week is paced well, just because I had to cut so much), so it’s really lovely to hear you thought i did a good job there, and that you liked it so much!!

  7. The Man Himself Avatar
    The Man Himself

    A Poor Choice
    By The Man Himself

    “I said I’m staying here. It-I don’t think I really have a choice.”

    The dull reddish glow of the abstract landscape around him gave the masked man and everything on him an orange hue.

    “The similarly dressed woman beside him threw her hands up and took a few steps across the endless curve of the ground, away from him. She’d known he would say something like this. The third individual, a distinctly inhuman, near skeletal figure of straight lines and angles tilted it’s head towards him.

    “What!?” It’s jaw clacked as it hinged open and shut.

    “I gotta man, we can’t just leave this place unattended! It’ll be a bad scene for a bit but I’ll be fine-”

    “You will not ‘be fine’!” It berated him, the maracas-like cracking of it’s jaw underscoring it’s point.

    “Once I bail, and take my watch with me, there won’t be time here anymore. If that doesn’t scare you then you’ve understood nothing of our work so far! The world will end for you! You will not cease to breathe, there will be no breath, your body will not decay, it will just stop, stop interacting with anything around it, stop changing. You will be as dead as something can possibly be. What happened to me? To make me like this. Absolute pittance, PITTANCE compared to the oblivion you so casually condemn yourself to. Get a grip!”

    “I-but we can’t just-”

    The woman turned and addressed him tiredly.

    “Think, for once. Alright? Even if someone comes back, and the concept of time with them, there’s no guarantee you will too. That might just be it, worse than hell, gone. Even if you snap back into existence… I mean look at our friend here!”

    She jabbed a hand in the mannequin-like creature’s direction. “It mightn’t matter if you’re back. It won’t be you.”

    “I-I guess. Yeah.”

    “No shame in it, moron.” It gave the woman a dirty look as they prepared to leave the space.

    “Just be glad we were here to pull your idiot head off the block I guess.”

    1. Interesting story. Seems like it could have been a great backstory to a Very Important Character With Very Little Screentime in a movie or video game. Like Red Skull in InfinityWar/Endgame or the knight at the end of Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade.

      What’s also interesting is that this feels kinda like an inversion of the prompt. “I’m gonna reach into the maw!”
      “That’s a really dumb idea.”
      “Yeah, you wanna never die but still be in hell?”
      “Okay then I wont.”

      Regardless, it was a cool scene.

      1. The Man Himself Avatar
        The Man Himself

        Thanks! Yeah, I figured “reaching into the maw” implies willfully courting danger, but not necessarily specifying what the outcome of that risk is, so I figured it was fair to have the character get away safe. Tbh I just had the idea for the “as dead as something can be” speech and wanted to use it.

  8. Into The Breach
    By Makokam

    The blood pounding through Jostica’s ears and her panicked breathing were almost enough to drown out the sound of the fight going on on the other side of the car she huddled behind.

    There were few places on the planet she would want to be less, than caught in the middle of a fight between a group of villains and someone who’d turned traitor. And yet here she was. The ground beneath her was vibrating from impacts and explosions. Debris and stray blasts impacted around her and shattered store fronts.

    She should run. She should have run a long time ago. Why hadn’t she?

    An eight-foot tall man in two-thousand pounds of power armor, a renegade super soldier, a mutant abomination that would destroy whatever it was pointed at, and two cybernetically enhanced psychopaths. She was just an 18-year-old who knew some magic.

    But right now a villain-turned-hero, who had nearly died uncovering and dismantling a world shaking conspiracy, was fighting for his life against those same things.

    And what had she been studying magic for? To track and find her Brother, of course. But also prove that if he thought he was a danger to their family, that she could protect herself. Protect them.

    She studied and trained. She’d already risked her life diving into the Astral Plane. And what would her Master think if she ran? Hadn’t he taught her how to handle anything? Why had he given her such powerful gifts if not to help her overcome any obstacle she faced?

    And just over there was a Hero who would surely die if someone didn’t come to his aid.

    And wasn’t there someone already here?

    She closed the clasp on her cloak, gripped her staff, and triggered the illusion of her hero persona. She stepped out from cover, casting a shield around Shockwave, then freezing Chimera in place. The spells would only hold for a moment, but a moment could save a life.

    Furious and confused eyes turned to her.

    Today the world met… Well, she’d come up with a name later.

    1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      This is great!! Super intriguing. I’m very curious to find out who all these characters are and what the fight is about in the grand scheme of things.

      At the beginning I was thinking this is probably something like what it’d feel like to be stuck in a city in which the Avengers are fighting XD

      Favorite lines:

      “But right now a villain-turned-hero, who had nearly died uncovering and dismantling a world shaking conspiracy, was fighting for his life against those same things.
      And what had she been studying magic for? To track and find her Brother, of course. But also prove that if he thought he was a danger to their family, that she could protect herself. Protect them.”–You know I love me those villain-turned-heroes!! 😀 I like that instead of just accepting that her brother was too dangerous to be around them she decided to learn to protect herself.

      “And just over there was a Hero who would surely die if someone didn’t come to his aid.
      And wasn’t there someone already here?”–I couldn’t help but smile at this!! Love it!!

      “The spells would only hold for a moment, but a moment could save a life.”–So true

      “Today the world met… Well, she’d come up with a name later.”–XD This is fabulous

      Great job!!

      1. Makokam Avatar
        Makokam

        Well… for the moment everybody aside from Jostica is window dressing. We might see more of Shockwave though, if the prompts provide an opportunity.

        I imagine Jostica is feeling a lot of what Peter Parker would be feeling, if after his first week of being Spider-man, Civil War happened in Times Square.

        I would love the opportunity to go into her bond with her Brother. I thought I had it with Given A New Name, but couldn’t make it work. Maybe someday.

        I’m glad you liked that line! I thought it was pretty good myself, but was worried it was a little too… poetic?

        She’s litterally turning a 5-v-1 into a 5-v-2, and she’s a total rookie going into a fight with the America’s Most Wanted of super-criminals. So, buying a moment is still kind of a lot to ask for. lol
        But it also makes all the more of a difference.

        Trying to come up with her Superhero Name was kind of a running thing for her. Eventually she’ll settle on ‘Runecaster’, unless I come up with something better before it’s made official. lol

        Thanks for the comment!

        1. I-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
          I-prefer-the-term-antihero

          Ahhh gotcha XD

          Yes, totally!!

          I would love to read that!! 😀

          I can’t speak for anyone else, but I thought it was perfect!!

          Aifhfgsfgg!!!
          *dramatic music swells as she walks out to face them*
          *Cuts to her one second later all beat up*
          XD

          I love that!! That’s what I’d be like as a superhero, haha!
          Everyone: “Just PICK a name already!!”
          Me, looking crazed: “But it has to be *perfect*”
          Awesome!!

          You’re welcome!!

    2. A character becomes a hero!
      This one was so interesting to read, and it took me a moment to realize how it fit into the prompt. It was great to read a piece that really made me think.
      I find it intriguing that Jostica doesn’t seem to fond of being of being a hero, and yet knows when she needs to step in.

      1. Makokam Avatar
        Makokam

        It’s not a great fit, I admit. Mostly because I was turning this prompt over in my head so much trying to make an idea work that i forgot the exact wording of it.
        I ended up thinking, “thrown into the teeth of battle”. Still kinda works.

        She certainly didn’t do all she did to be a hero, but she also clearly can’t shake the idea of “with great power comes great responsibility”.

    3. I’ve really been looking forward to seeing Jostica all magicked out and she didn’t disappoint. But I think my favorite part is that she didn’t go into this to be a hero. But she clearly is because logically she should have peaced out of that situation. But morals can definitely be a bitch. I also really love the last line. It just gets a final chuckle to wrap up the story.

      One Hell of a way to jump in the deep end of the pool though. It seems like this would be if not her first real time letting loose in a non training situation then one of her first ones. I thought this was a pretty cool take on the prompt. That situation would definitely be terrifying.

      1. Makokam Avatar
        Makokam

        Aww. I feel bad that I couldn’t give you something better now. At some point I’d love to have her really go all out, but I probably wont be able to do that here. 350 is probably not enough to really describe some crazy magic stuff. Maybe if there’s a “breaking the limit” prompt I can make the whole thing her revving up a gigantic fuck off spell.

        Jostica definitely had a “I should get out of here … But I should help … but i’ll probably die … but he’ll probably die” moment there. Obviously, that’s the whole basis of the chapter. lol

        I’ll confess, Jostica very well could have died right there, but I’ll let you peak behind the curtain and let you know backup for Shockwave was already on the way. And she wasn’t the only person with powers having a moment of indecision there. She was just the first to act.

        … “Here Comes The Cavalry” or similar could let me continue this scene as well.

    4. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      I like the use of the prompt here. I haven’t seen many stories about the main character contemplating the consequences of their actions, nor have I seen many where reaching into the maw is the right choice!

      I often enjoy the internal struggles of protagonists and this one does not disappoint. We get a feel for the character and practically end up cheering her on when she finally makes the decision to go out into the fray if only to try and save a few lives.

      Very well done Makokam, your submissions are always a treat!

      1. Makokam Avatar
        Makokam

        Thank you! I’m glad you liked it.

        I’ve been wanting to write Jostica again for a long time, so I’m glad to see positive responses to her.

        I’ve been told dialogue is my real strength, so I guess that carries over to narration that is basically someone talking to themselves?

        Anyway, thanks again for the comment.

  9. DAVID A CHAMBERLAIN Avatar
    DAVID A CHAMBERLAIN

    Down the hatch
    By David Chamberlain

    Darclin’s leathery hand poured the emerald green liquid into his thick-stemmed cup. The cup had been fashioned from what was once the fang of a great beast.

     “Down the hatch.”, he thought to himself. Drinkin it and immediately pouring a second. The fluid flowed more like smoke than liquid and yet looked to be much thicker than water. The beverage seemed to climb at the sides of the mug as if gravity had barely enough grip to hold it in the vessel. “Down the hatch” he whispered to himself as he slammed the second shot.

    “Are you ready?” someone shouted from the next room.

    “I am.” was all he managed to vocalize as memories of horrific visions replayed in his head. Memories he hoped the nimbus brine would extinguish or at least assuage.

    The lockstone in his left hand made a long deliberate swipe down the length of his warblade. The blade was given to him by his father on his 18Th cycle. Again the lockstone bit into the weapon and left a momentary blood-red trail along the edge which seemed to retreat into the handle. Almost as if charging a battery. At the end of each searing stroke, a wisp of vapor was expelled as the stone released its teeth from the blade.

    The sound and smell of these actions combined with the nimbus brine forged his previously nightmarish memories into something else. Something between rage and rhapsody. The blood and screams, previously horrifying had taken on the appearance of a celebration or a carnival. He could feel the blade’s appetite for blood intensifying with each stroke.

    “Time to fly!” someone barked from the other room.

    He stood up and hastily poured a third shot of the green menace. He threw the strap of his bag over his shoulder. Grabbed his shield and headed through the door.

    The next room contained a massive jaw-like structure. A shimmering gateway framed with great jagged teeth.

    He threw back the third shot and dropped the cup.

    “Down the hatch” he exclaimed as he drew his blade and leaped into the portal.

    1. Mango Gravy Avatar
      Mango Gravy

      This took me a few reads to get the gist of. It would seem that Darclin is drinking this nimbus brine to prepare himself for a battle of some sort. In any case, it’s something violent and I think involves stabbing monsters with a magically enhanced blade.
      I gather that the nimbus brine seems to do two things. For one, it helps with PTSD or something of the sort. The memories of horrific screams makes me think Darclin is traumatized in some form and the drink causes his brain to re-interpret the traumatic memories from horror to excitement. This probably helps him not break down in the middle of whatever it is he’s about to do.
      The second purpose is to do with the rage and rhapsody thing (excellent line, by the way). It reminds me of a berserker rage but it doesn’t seem to make him go crazy, but rather makes his weapon go berserk. Maybe I’m misinterpreting but that’s really caught my eye here.

      Interesting story. Not sure if there’s more stuff I should look into to help the clarity, but this is certainly intriguing.

      1. DAVID A CHAMBERLAIN Avatar
        DAVID A CHAMBERLAIN

        This was not Darclin’s first trip through the portal. He has made more trips to the other side than he cares to remember. Thus the green menace, nimbus wine. Makes the horrible seem less so. The cup he uses is made from the same fangs that frame the portal. He needs a shot or three of liquid courage to make the trip again. There has been a lifetime of battles on the other side that both he and the blade remember. The blade has made the crossing with numerous generations before. While not berserk the blade surely enjoys the action far more than Darclin.

  10. Preserves Roses Avatar
    Preserves Roses

    Asking for Help
    By Preserves Roses

    He watched the dark-clothed figure enter into his cave. Her distinct sent reached his nostrils, and he breathed deep, savouring the smell.

    “It’s a rare treat when a princess comes to me,” his voice rumbled and echoed in the space.

    “How do you know I’m a princess, “ She asked. Her voice remaining steady.

    “I know the smell of a princess no matter what she is wearing, or where I find her. Are you here to kidnap yourself, in hopes of being rescued by a prince?”

    She swallowed hard before speaking. ” A prince is my problem, he’s a rather nasty one. I was hoping you might be able to help me.”

    The dragon brought his head down to ground level near the princess. “Well if you help me with something, I will give you a special dagger that will let you kill your prince no matter what magic protects him.”

    The princess hesitated,” What are you asking in return?”

    “Why simply that you take the dagger.” The dragon opened his mouth wide to reveal a dagger buried deep into his jaw; a sickly glow emanating from it.

    Slowly the princess reached into the dragon’s mouth and tugged at the dagger. When the dragon didn’t move, she gripped firmly with both hands and pulled again. Finally, she set one foot against the outside of the dragon’s jaw, took a firm two handed grip and pulled with all her might. The dagger came free suddenly and she landed hard on the ground. She jumped up, and left the cave without glancing back, staring down at the dagger with a greedy look. Gripping it tightly in both hands.

    In the cave the dragon stretched his jaw, blowing a blast of fire up in the air. Launching into the sky on stiff wings, he turned his thoughts briefly to the princess below, wondering what would become of her after freeing two predators into the wild; the cursed dagger and himself. With another great flap of his wings he banked to the west, in search of new hunting grounds.

    1. Fredrick H. Avatar
      Fredrick H.

      For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, but the full action is rarely ever entirely comprehended. I am curious as to how terrible the prince truly is as to warrant murder. I do enjoy how this dragon feels like a proper dragon that Tolkien would be proud of. Overall, a great piece.

      1. Preserves Roses Avatar
        Preserves Roses

        Thanks for the feed back. I was going for an evil dragon character, and that the seeming helpful action of removing the dagger would have repercussions she couldn’t anticipate. Glad thise ideas came through.

  11. Gamesolotl Avatar
    Gamesolotl

    Immortality at the Singularity
    by Gamesolotl

    What we once considered grandiose, nigh immortal beasts die before my eyes. One by one. Some twinkle away like a candle out of wax, others die in a blinding explosion.
    I was not supposed to use my escape pod, but there is nothing I want more than this. Only in here can I be immortal, if only for a few moments. I always wanted to see this story through until the end, because the prospect of me not being able to witness it terrifies me.
    The universe, now just a large blueshifted hole in the void, still seems within reach. I’m well aware it is planets away. The beasts are dying faster and faster, with fewer and fewer ones being born, just as expected. Their glorious light begins to fade, and after one final silent bang, it fades, never to return.

    With the light gone, I finally notice the faint goldenrod circle close to the edge of the dark and empty fishbowl of a universe. It has been here for a while. It must’ve been. They are the last forms of intelligence to survive, orbiting my eternal tomb, desperately clinging onto existence. The goldenrod circle sits unchanging for minutes. They are running out of time. I am running out of time. I’m not sure if time means anything anymore.
    I will never know if humanity passed the Great Filter, or if there is a Big Rip. All I know is that I am going to meet my demise at the core of the hungering universe behind me.
    I suppose entropy has finally won.

    Just as my last glimmer of hope fades, a white ring appears in the center of the goldenrod one. The escape pod picks up radio waves and begins to decode them, mere seconds before gravitational shockwaves violently shake the foundation of the cosmos. The circles are gone. As the process of spaghettification begins, I close my eyes and listen to the now decoded message.
    They did it. They broadcasted instructions on how to warp to a different universe. I smile. Entropy hasn’t won yet.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      The opening line to this is simultaneously tragic and engaging. Watching these larger than life gods die is interesting, especially when you’ve lived with their legends your entire life.

      At first, I thought this was about stars and moons dying out, but I like at the end that you reveal it’s about a dying universe. Much bigger. It feels like a spitefulness towards entropy from the main character. I really like the way you weave details and keep the suspense strong throughout the piece. Some really good word choices here.

      Only critique I have is that how important is entropy within the context of your story? It’s lowercase in one case but capitalized in another. Also, it feels like it should be this all encompassing thing. Just curious about that.

      Nice, interesting story overall.

      1. Gamesolotl Avatar
        Gamesolotl

        Thanks for your feedback, but could you elaborate what you mean with “entropy should be an all encompassing thing”? It pretty much already is, so I don’t really understand what you mean.

  12. A Daunting task

    By Mathew

    “Damn That’s a lot”
    “Pfft. And Maggie thinks we are going to get this done in a day.”

    Kevin and Anders looked out over the barren moonscape of creeper vine that had taken hold of this patch of woodland. It looked like something that had come out of a science fiction horror film pillars of weeping vine stood where trees once did, slight mounds that indicated where a large bush had been or maybe there is a house under there. It was really hard to tell what used to exist before this suffocating menace was left to takeover.
    We pick up our tools and start cutting a path through the mass of vegetation, well a few paths the plan was to make enough access so we could bring the hoses down and blast this stuff with poison. Kevin looked quite shocked he probably had never seen an infestation this bad.
    Sweating and dirty Kev went back to the car for a drink Anders was quick to follow but became rapidly stopped by the sight of a leaf that wasn’t creeper vine. A little cutting revealed a native sapling barely surviving but alive. Oh this was such good news.

    “Hey Kev I found a native sapling still alive amongst that mess, I have cleared a little around it but make let’s make the buffer a little wider after our drink break.”
    “No problem.”
    At least this would mean the trees here can recover a little quicker.
    “What are you up to this weekend?” asked Kevin.
    “Not really much, just relaxing. What about you.”
    “Just my usual soccer game on Sunday and then I’ll be watching a film with some mates of mine.”

    1. Maggie Webb Avatar
      Maggie Webb

      The description of the infestation is pretty nice and I think you approached the prompt creatively. There’s only two things I think could use work in further drafts:
      1. At the start of the second, non-dialogue paragraph there is a shift to first person narration that either suggests there is a third person among the duo, or that we have briefly entered the viewpoint of either Kevin or Anders. It seems to lean to the former, so I think a reference to this third person earlier in the scene, or omitting them to dedicate more time to Anders and Kevin, might have made things a little less jarring.
      2. There are a couple of places where punctuation marks could have been used to break up the text. For example, the otherwise great image of “Pillars of weeping vine stood where trees once did, slight mounds that indicated where a large bush had been” could be two separate sentences or better connected in the same sentence if you wanted to link them (Did the creepers spill down from the pillars to the mound? Do the pillars surround the mound in a ring? Things like that.). Another example is when Kev “sweating and dirty” goes back to the car, and Anders follows him. It appears like that part of the story could be broken up with some commas and periods, a bit like this: “Sweating and dirty, Kev went back to the car for a drink. Anders was quick to follow, but became rapidly stopped by the sight of a leaf that wasn’t creeper vine.” There are other ways you can do this, but I find the best way to figure out what works is to read the story out-loud and figure out where you want the pauses, dramatic or otherwise.
      You’ve done a good job here demonstrating your descriptive skills and made a pretty charming piece, even if the setting looks like something out of a science fiction horror. While yard work isn’t the first thing most people think about when you say reaching into the maw, you’ve captured that feeling of dreading anticipation when you see a mess that needs serious pruning and cleaning well here. It’s a great fit.

    2. Gamesolotl Avatar
      Gamesolotl

      I think proofreading your work will improve your writing significantly. Read your text over a few times, out loud if it helps you, and fix whatever doesnt quite sound right. There are some repeated words, missing periods, and awkward structures that could be fixed by proofreading. Also, your sentences tend to drag on from time to time like I am doing right now to demonstrate why that is bad with long sentences your readers can get confused and lost so it’s best to break long sentences up. Your descriptions are great, they just need some cleaning up.

  13. Maggie Webb Avatar
    Maggie Webb

    Unsafe Shelter
    By Maggie Webb

    Czar dragged himself, as fast as his swelling arm would allow, across the desert floor. The pain muted the chill of the evening winds. Seb pushed the boy’s head against the sand. Only a skeletal bush concealed them. Czar didn’t need to look up to know his bodyguard was signalling him to stay quiet, or that the Lotus had abandoned them.
    “Search the area,” called one of the soldiers. “Something fell from the plane—it could have been them!”
    Lantern light drew nearer, erasing whatever escape the dark could have promised. Dogs barked and snuffled at the remains of Seb’s bag. Pieces of jerky spilled out.
    Seb tugged Czar’s head away from the encroaching search party and towards the dunes. Strange shadows twisted and gathered within them. One large, circular opening awaited. Splinter-thin teeth lined the maw. Panic seized Czar’s chest. The moonlight reflecting off the beast’s milky eyes confirmed his suspicions.
    He shook his head. He mouthed the word no. It didn’t matter. Seb, with a fistful of Czar’s shirt in tow, crawled towards it.
    “What if it’s not dead,” he whispered.
    “It’s this or we go back.”
    Czar cringed. The mouth reeked of mould and ammonia. The grey tongue was a dry sponge under their feet. Air hissed through the back of the throat. Czar swore he saw the walls constrict.
    His companion staggered deeper down into the creature’s gullet. His boots squelched the whole way. Fear kept Czar standing on the tip of the beast’s tongue, hugging his arm close to his body. The voices of their pursuers sounded like distant murmurs, growing louder. He hunched as much as his revulsion allowed. The needlepoint teeth, he hoped, made a good enough cover.
    Adrenaline staved off the threat of sleep for now, but not fatigue. The young fugitive let his body sag against the deadly barricade. It wasn’t hard to stay still. The crunching sand had him frozen in place. He waited for the lanterns. He waited for the dogs. He waited for hours.
    The only place they reached him, however, were his nightmares.

    1. I am not really good at providing feedback but here I go.

      You really create a feeling of danger and urgency from the perspectives characters. It is clear that whoever they are running from is someone bad enough to try hiding within a dead monsters mouth.

      I quite enjoyed reading this one.

    2. Preserves Roses Avatar
      Preserves Roses

      I like the tone of the story. Even though we don’t know what trouble Czar is in. You have given the story great urgency. You must be very desperate to hide in the mouth of a great beast that you only hope is dead. Your descriptions of his injuries, and his exhaustion are also really well done.

    3. BluePhireFoenix Avatar
      BluePhireFoenix

      This is super good. I like the reversal of how reaching into the maw in this case, was the better of two bad options. The sensory details are all really good. You also manage to create this great sense of death in the beginning that hangs over everything with imagery like skeletal bushes, leading up to the carcass that shields them, that I think you could have continued to the end, but it’s a minor nitpick. It’s a great story, hope to see more of it soon 🙂

  14. Reaching into the Maw
    By Chengir

    The area was quiet and smelled of antiseptic. The lab assistant reached into the creature’s maw. This one was presenting some problems. It had been the policy of The Union to save endangered species. Taking them aside and training them to survive before releasing them back in the wild. Ensuring that the species would endure without further intervention. But the process didn’t always work as expected.

    “How’s it going?” the Inspection Officer asked.

    The lab assistant looked up from the specimen and grimaced. “I’m not sure, sir. They seemed to be aggressive enough to subsist in their environment. But a lot of their hostility seems to be focused against members of their own species. Their brains register as more scrambled than an order of eggs.”

    The officer was cold and distant. His eyes narrowed. “Well, see what you can do about it. Are there any other problems?”

    Sweat started appearing on the lab assistant’s brow. He was new at this. It was his first assignment for the commission, and he was desperate to make a good impression. He’d worked for years to achieve this position and had no desire for his first appointment to be a failure. He’d worked all night on his subjects. After all, they wouldn’t be back in this region for quite some time. The travel parameters to this sector made frequent visits unlikely. “Well sir, the individual specimens display a high value for selfishness.”

    “That’s not good.”

    The assistant was having a tough time addressing his superior. There was a lump in his throat. “Agreed, but I haven’t been able to get them to respond.”

    The officer scratched his chin. “Try adding the genetic pattern that creates the Peter Principle.”

    “Sir isn’t that highly dangerous?”

    “It does cause a problem to be sure. But it also tends to create the rare individual with an extraordinary capacity for self-sacrifice.” He stared at the lab assistant. His gaze was piercing. “Unless you have a better idea.”

    He shook his head. “No, sir”

    “What do you call this species again?”

    “Humans, sir.”

    1. Makeshift Mousepad Avatar
      Makeshift Mousepad

      That was quite a plot twist. It hadn’t occurred to me that the specimen could be a human until the second to last line. The revelation at the end also lends itself well to re-reading and examining the various descriptions of humans from an outside perspective.

      There were a few lines that could have been compressed due to having similar purposes. “He stared at the lab assistant. His gaze was piercing.” could probably be turned into one sentence.

      Otherwise, nicely done.

    2. Maggie Webb Avatar
      Maggie Webb

      This concept is pretty intriguing, and the twist is fun. You’ve done a great job of capturing what it’s like to be new on the job and being scrutinized by someone higher up. The dialogue especially is strong in this regard, but the internal note that “they wouldn’t be back in this region for some time” helps cement how important it is to make that good impression.
      I think one big critique I want to offer is that while it’s good we’re getting inside the lab assistant’s head, it might be nice to describe what’s happening externally or what’s on the table more. It’s possible to describe the test subject without giving way the twist if you focus on certain features, like underdeveloped claws or soft, fragile skin. In fact, it could create opportunities for the officer to point out flaws or things that the assistant doesn’t really want to discuss, digging the hole deeper. You could tie it back to why the assistant was checking the mouth as well.
      You’ve done a great job, and while I think you could do more showing than telling, what you have suits a more insecure character who is trying to maintain this professional front with their boss.

  15. Alan Baker Avatar
    Alan Baker

    Descent from dignity (Tales from Adfidem – Book of Boghos)
    By Alan Baker

    Boghos bade his followers sit. Gathering them close, he told them this parable: “There was once a great people that lived by the banks of the river Arratut. Every year they toiled in the fields, and every year they were rewarded with a rich bounty. One day a just before the first harvest a conjurer by the name of Anvtangu Yun came to their land. With just a word, he turned stone into bread and water to honey. That fall, he created enough food to last until next year. When he was departing the people begged him to stay with them. They offered him land and a seat on their council. He agreed and settled down for the winter. Wheet rotted unharvested in all but one man’s fields. He urged his fellow citizens, ‘Put not all your faith in this man but in the work of thine own hands.’ But they only laughed. Four years later Anvtangu decided to move on but they implored him to stay, offering to name him king to rule over them. And so he stayed with them. The man pleaded with them, ‘Give up not your freedoms for easy bread.’ But was only met with scorn, so he returned to his farm, ploughed his fields and built a wall around his land. Ten years past and Anvtangu once more wanted to leave, so the people offered him their firstborn to serve him. This time the man said nothing and strengthened his gates and filled his storehouses. Twenty years past. No seeds were sown no stores made. But one day the conjurer fell gravely ill and died. Having no food for the winter, the people went to the man to ask him to share his supplies. But the man answered, ‘That which ye have sown now ye shall reap.’ ‘But what of our children?’ they asked. ‘You did not care for your children’s future then. Why should I care for them now?’ He shut the gates. There was much weeping in that land.”

  16. BluePhireFoenix Avatar
    BluePhireFoenix

    Love Under a Neon Sky

    by BluePhireFoenix

    Colin lay on the ground, doing nothing with extreme care. He tried not to breath in the smell of garbage, that was stacked high around him, although he could feel the juices seeping into his clothes. He was going to smell this place for days. He’d probably never forget it. Above him, drones twirled through the neon skyline like fireflies. If he squinted hard, he could see the dark sky, calmly sleeping above the frantic city.

    Colin flexed his arms carefully; a full rotation of tensing and relaxing his arm taking a full ten seconds. Nothing else in the lot stirred, and so he continued, and as he did he remembered those instructions: “Lie down in this lot. Answer to Tyr. Wait for them to come, respond, wait for them to leave. Then you’ll have your money.”

    Then he could go back to Mark. His face had been purple and swollen this morning, plump with blood like a berry. And the rest of him was so thin; Colin had barely felt it when Mark had squeezed his hand goodbye.

    Wait, respond, wait, get the money, save Mark.

    It was so hot; Colin kept wanting to wipe the sweat from his face. But instead he laid there, focusing on flexing, and keeping his right arm above the muck. In the dark, Colin heard the slurping of footsteps in the coagulated mud as someone walked over to him. He closed his eyes. “Are you Tyr?” came a calm voice.

    “Yes.” Colin could barely hear himself over the blood pumping through his ears.
    He heard something placed down. A clasp came undone. Rustling. A cool surface laid down under his right arm. A sharp prick in the palm of his right hand. Then a numbness that flowed up his arm.

    Colin didn’t listen to the whirring next to him. He continued to flex his left arm.

    He thought about Mark, healthy again, who would take his hand, and laugh with him as they sat at their tiny apartment window, and tried to find the night’s sky among the neon lights.

    1. Right off the bat, Foenix, I love the title. So this is some kind of transaction where Colin is either giving away his blood or having someone inject something into his system for unknown reasons on the side of the unknown person. It’s obvious that Colin really loves Mark, and I hope Mark appreciates what lengths Colin is going to to make sure he’s healthy.

      I love the descriptions come and I would definitely love to see more of this storyline. It seems really interesting. Lovely story.

    2. I see a desperate world where desperate measures are so frequent that people like Colin will do anything for the people they love. I don’t know whether the people who came are contributing to Colin’s demise and that’s an essential element of the story to me.

  17. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
    ThatWeirdFish

    The Tale of the First in Centuries to Cross Realms (Tales from Alsair)
    By ThatWeirdFish

    “The energy source grows stronger in there,” Annata said and pointed to the cave. “That must be where The Elders have hidden the portal.”

    “Of course, they had to guard it with a Rucksha.” Balek scoffed. He scowled at the undulating creature as it prowled about the entrance. He crossed his arms across his scarred chest. “Don’t tell me that we have to-”

    YES. The word echoed from the voice-stream in Balek’s mind. SEEK. FIND.

    “Queen’s orders.” Annata shrugged and started cautiously down the slope towards the cave. Balek snarled a hiss and followed his brother. He watched as the Rucksha lifted its bulbous head and tested the air with the tentacles that drooped from its jaw. It harumphed and continued its patrol. Familiar skeletons crunched beneath every step.

    “Annata,” Balek hissed, crouched beside his brother behind a boulder. “You certain it’s in there?”

    His brother cleared his throat against the beast’s stench. “Only one way to find out. I’ll distract it. You go in and find that portal.” Before Balek’s protest left his lungs, his brother lunged towards the creature; their war cry pierced the foggy air.

    Balek muttered a curse at his younger brother’s audacity and crept past the two that danced with death and into the cave. Jagged rocks dangled precariously from the roof and shuddered every time the beast landed a blow to the earth.

    There, half-buried in grime and gore, was the two twisting spires that marked the portal.

    GOOD. The queen’s voice dominated the voice-stream. ACTIVATE IT.

    Balek hesitated, unsure of where to start. His brother was the smart one. The one-

    A choked scream cut his thoughts short. His taloned tail scraped sparks against the stone floor as he whipped around. The Rucksha lumbered towards him, his brother’s blood smeared along its writhing jaw.

    IGNORE. ACTIVATE THE PORTAL.

    Balek involuntarily staggered back between the spires. “No,” he screeched as the beast drew closer. He felt the hungering arms of the portal. “Annata!” He blinked, and the world he knew vanished.

    Alone under a different sun and cut off from the voice-stream, he wept.

    1. This is so tragic, Weird. You’ve done an excellent job of showing the relationship between the brothers. That makes the reader care about them and their bond, and it’s all the sadder when the younger brother dies.

      You put a lot of effort into the story, and it’s great. I wonder how the older brother is going to be able to recover, if he’s able to. Love your story.

      1. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
        ThatWeirdFish

        Thank you so much for your review, Luna! I’m glad you enjoyed it and I look forward to writing more in this storyline. Stay tuned. 🙂

    2. I-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      I-prefer-the-term-antihero

      I still love this!! This story continued to stick with me, even after I just read the draft on the discord, I think it’s really great. Love the additions!!

      1. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
        ThatWeirdFish

        Thank you for your review, antihero! I’m glad to see that your input helped the story for the better. I’m also glad you enjoyed it.

  18. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
    RVMPLSTLSKN

    Reaching into the Maw
    By RVMPLSTLSKN (repost from Private)

    Padas lay awakened in the darkened, hollow temple. He stared up at the reflection of the Everflame’s pale light on the ceiling. Next to him, Vienas slept. Her breathing was perhaps her most rhythmic attribute. Her days and nights blended now that she was blind. He’d found her sleeping during the day several times, but she was always awake when he rose at dawn.

    All told, her schedule wasn’t unlike his own. He ate when hungry and drank when dry. It wasn’t like they had many options for company. Just each other and their dreams.

    He didn’t like his dreams. They were too often memories, twisted. They were why he couldn’t sleep tonight. All his faith, all the protections—the Everflame, the Pearls, Karas’s sword—and The Deep One could still reach him. Promise him better things.

    He’d stood on a wave, he wasn’t sure how. He never looked down. It seemed normal.

    He was alone. The Deep One saw him and in Its massive eye, he saw himself. It wanted him to join it, to eat and be home.

    He knew this was false. He’d clung to a pillar and survived The Deep One’s tsunami when It rose. Ascended. It hadn’t seen him. If It had, he would’ve been one of…

    One of Them.

    But in the dream, he joined it. He stepped into Its mouth and crawled up the scaleless, slimy body and onto Its head. The crown jewel, he was. And he ate with his fellows as The Deep One swallowed gods old and new and unformed. It consumed the animals next, the fish and birds and clams. Then he’d awakened.

    A god’s blessing echoed in his thoughts.

    -This is for you, the Living.

    Vienas slept quietly nearby. The Everflame flickered like a blue candle in the cavernous structure. Karas’s sword hung on the wall, held by two blessed nails. And the pearls were in a bowl, a dull reflection of the Everflame’s illumination.

    This was home now, He thought. And he would make it safe. There might be other survivors who needed a place to feel content.

    1. I-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      I-prefer-the-term-antihero

      You have no idea how excited I was to read this!! The moment I heard the prompt I was like “ARe We gONnA HeAR abOuT ThE DeEP oNe tHiS WeEk?!?!” XD

      “Her breathing was perhaps her most rhythmic attribute”-I’m intrigued by this, and if it’s meant to be a compliment or an insult, haha!

      “Her days and nights blended now that she was blind. He’d found her sleeping during the day several times, but she was always awake when he rose at dawn.”—You know I always love those practical applications of her blindness. That’s not something I’d thought about when it comes to blindness but it’s probably both very true and very sad. I could see how she could easily fall into a depression after what happened (actually it would be stranger if she *didnt*) and that she’d at times just rather…sleep.
      It’s also interesting her rising at dawn. This order to their lawless lives. I wonder why that is. If she’s still on the schedule she would have kept when a priestess? Or if it’s something else.

      “All told, her schedule wasn’t unlike his own. He ate when hungry and drank when dry. It wasn’t like they had many options for company. Just each other and their dreams.”—always with these poetic descriptions of the practical!! I like that you started with the idea of them having a schedule, and then basically explained that their schedule, in a way, is no schedule. That in this world time doesn’t really matter, they just do what they have to, when they have to. I also especially love that last line.
      “He didn’t like his dreams.”—great transition here!
      “They were too often memories, twisted.”—beautiful line.
      “They were why he couldn’t sleep tonight. All his faith, all the protections—the Everflame, the Pearls, Karas’s sword—and The Deep One could still reach him. Promise him better things.”—one of my favorite kind of villain is this kind; not one that is just obviously evil from all angles, but one which you *know* is evil, yet it can promise you things so tantalizing you fall into it’s clutches anyways. That all those protections are nothing to the desires of his own heart.

      “ It wanted him to join it, to eat and be home.”
      “ And he ate with his fellows as The Deep One swallowed gods old and new and unformed. It consumed the animals next, the fish and birds and clams. Then he’d awakened.”—the eating imagery has become particularly intriguing to me in this story. It seems like the Sleepers are a form of zombies, which would mean the eating would be…eating people? I think that’s intriguing when thinking about these lines. That that ravenous, perhaps cannibalistic and insatiable desire is seen, in the dream as a good thing. It’s a cool way to write it. Eating also seems to be tied to the Deep One in general and I’m curious exactly why.

      And then the entire ending I loved. I adored all the tie ins to the other stories. And, in a way, this ending almost seems more hopeful than the last story, and I really like that.
      The last story was a moment, which could unfortunately be easily broken, but here, there’s a more lasting comfort that comes from the fact that he wasn’t taken by the Deep One, it seems (…though being a survivor certainly isn’t easy).

      Thanks again for the amazing writing!!

  19. Mango Gravy Avatar
    Mango Gravy

    Zathasha
    By Mango Gravy

    Gridel stared blankly at the pile of gastroliths he’d retrieved from the corpse of a straandbeest. This had required him to plunge, head first, into the mouth of the creature, reach into its stomach, and wriggle back out with an armful of the fist-sized stones.

    It was filthy work. He was covered in saliva, bile and maybe some blood, but if this is what his mentor demanded then he would do it. Apprenticing under Raum could kickstart his wizarding career and give him a head start over most of his peers. He may not have expected such grueling tasks but he had worked hard for this opportunity and would put his hand into a zathasha’s mouth if need be.

    The door to the laboratory swung open and in came Raum, beard and face split by a ridiculously wide grin, wheeling his next assignment on a cart.

    “Merlin’s bearded groin,” Gridel cursed.

    There on the cart lay the unholy union of marshmallow and cactus. It was pudgy. Soft and round, topped with beady eyes, skin splotched pink and white, and with stumpy limbs tipped with blunt claws, it was the cuddliest looking thing in the world. But, as Gridel peeled back its lips and opened its mouth, it transformed from something out of a child’s drawing to the conjuration of a nightmare.

    Every inch of this animal’s insides was lined with enameled spines, like a sea urchin turned inside out. Each one glistened with what Gridel knew to be toxic saliva and seemed to glare at him, threatening dire consequences if he dared put his hand inside the maw.

    “A zathasha,” Gridel said. “I should phrase my thoughts better.”

    “Consider us lucky,” Raum said as he stroked his beard, “A specimen this fresh is hard to come by this time of year. The venom samples will be brilliant.” And so he turned to walk out of the lab, a spring in his step, no doubt thankful he wouldn’t have to do this himself. “Oh, and do be careful. Peristaltic grinding motions can occur spontaneously even days after death.”

    “Ugh.”

    1. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      I’ll bet Gridel is rethinking his apprenticeship under Raum at this point!

      It seems like Raum is using Gridel more like a laborer than an assistant, preferring to throw whatever job he doesn’t want to do himself to Gridel under the guise of it being an “assignment.” I hope Raum actually begins teaching Gridel some things, or the apprenticeship might be wasted on shadowing someone who doesn’t care.

      I love the descriptions of the creatures and the methods of obtaining the precious ingredients within the dangerous beasts and I would love to see a full bestiary of these curious monsters. I’d also like to know how these ingredients were even discovered, especially when you literally have to climb into the straandbeest’s stomach to retrieve the gastroliths. I’d like to think it was a dare between two wizards.

      Excellent writing as always, Mango!

      1. Mango Gravy Avatar
        Mango Gravy

        Thanks, I appreciate it.
        Good point about Raum potentially just laboring Gridel. The more stories about Wizards I write, the more fleshed out everything becomes, but since I write about a different wizard/apprentice each time (I want each story to completely stand on its own), fleshing out of the relationship is difficult.
        And I’m glad you liked the creatures and ingredients. They’re definitely the highlight of my wizarding stories.

    2. If I’m remembering correctly, this duo is the old wizard and the young wizard. The younger wizard wanted to meet his hero, and was not expecting this old dude. This may not be you; it may be at another writer.

      The story: this is very funny and gross and immersive. The amount of detail in the story is incredibly impressive. It feels like a doctor evaluation mix in with scientific exploration. I especially love the description of the marshmallow cactus creature. the part about it looking like a sea urchin turned inside out is really awesome.

      The relationship between Gridel and Raum is one of comfortable annoyance. Gridel is determined to learn all he can, discomfort aside. Raum seems more than happy to teach and give Gridel the hard jobs. I suspect Raum hasn’t had this much fun in a very long time.

      I am excited to see where this goes. Great story, Mango!

      1. Mango Gravy Avatar
        Mango Gravy

        Ah, that was most likely someone else. Regardless, I appreciate the read and comment.
        I definitely want Wizardry in this world to feel a bit like science. Yes, things may get ridiculous, but Wizards still need to do research and meticulously analyze in a way that’s relatable to our own world. And I love coming up with fantastical life forms and substances. Definitely the best part of writing these.
        I like your insights into the characters. I’m glad that something came through on Raum since I didn’t really give him much here.
        Big thank.

    3. DAVID A CHAMBERLAIN Avatar
      DAVID A CHAMBERLAIN

      You had me at saliva, bile, and blood. I felt like I needed a shower after reading your story. Sounds like Gridel will have bragging rights after his apprenticeship with Raum. That is provided he manages to outlast his assignments. I really enjoyed this piece.

      1. Mango Gravy Avatar
        Mango Gravy

        Gotta love those gastrointestinal fluids. Thanks for the read.

  20. Insania404 Avatar
    Insania404

    A Struggle for Answers
    By: Insania404

    “Who or what are these Wounds you keep talking about? Do they pose some kind of threat to the corporation?”

    A raspy chuckle emanated from the inside of the metal cell. “Questions only serve to plunge you deeper into the mouth of forbidden knowledge. Once you know his name, do you really believe you can escape his clenched jaws?”

    I could tell he was toying with me, pulling my strings like a puppet master. I slammed my fist on the table. “More riddles? Why can’t you just answer me plainly? Must everything be a game?”

    “It need not be a game, doctor.” The shallow, rambling voice replied. “You could perform the ritual yourself and Vinzeit, the missing eye Wound, might reveal the knowledge you seek. All it takes is a little blood. Here, he’s waiting.”

    The emaciated creature passed a glass knife through the steel bars, brandishing a grin that chilled my veins. I picked up the blade and my hands moved of their own accord, marring my forehead with sinister slashes.

    A small note materialized on the worn wooden table in front of me. I fought back against the encroaching darkness within and shattered the knife on the stone floor.

    I tore the note open with bloody hands. It was from the director:

    Alfred, I just received word that one of the Sugar labs was incinerated and I fear that the one responsible is coming for the corporation. The facility is now on lockdown. I’m doing as much as I can remotely, but I’ll be down shortly to help you set up the defenses.

    My heart became lead in my chest and I struggled to swallow. My hands trembled and curses poured from my mouth like tap water.

    The Deprived I had captured chanted as if under a trance. “The Wounds have answered us! Surely our victory is at hand!”

    I paused the environment, freezing my tormentor in place, and lifted the top of my CiRFiS chamber. Blaring alarms and flashing red lights greeted me. “This is going to be a long night,” I muttered, cracking my knuckles.

    1. Connor A. Avatar
      Connor A.

      I love supernatural organizations like this. To me, these Wounds seem to be the equivalent of eldritch gods, though I could be wrong. The way this scene is set up feels like that one interview scene from Silence of the Lambs; I haven’t seen the movie myself, but I have a little bit of knowledge thanks to cultural osmosis. I would love to see more of this world.

      1. Insania404 Avatar
        Insania404

        And you will see more from this world, as there is a lot more to explore and several twists that I still need to reveal! I also haven’t seen Silence of the Lambs and have only heard a few famous lines, so I’m in the dark when it comes to that reference.

        As for the Wounds being eldritch gods, I can say that you’re close.

    2. There is a lot going on here, and I am down for it. Let me see if I have interpreted this correctly: the protagonist, Alfred, is using a wireless neural kinetic interface to talk with this creature, the “Deprived”. This is why he doesn’t experience pain when the knife cuts him(by the by, it’s awesome that there’s a glass dagger!) He’s trying to locate these “Wounds” for information. I assume these “Wounds” work for the “Deprived”.

      The alarm correlates to either a break-in, or a disruption in the interface. I also love that CiRFis sounds like “surface.”

      I have no idea how close or far away I am with these speculations, but I did enjoy the story. You’ve got a way with words and descriptions, Insania. Bravo!

      I am most definitely interested in more from this universe!

      1. Insania404 Avatar
        Insania404

        You’ve almost got it! The CiRFiS is actually an acronym and is kind of the crux of my universe. As for the Deprived, I can say that they work with and worship the Wounds.

        As always, thanks for the read and comment! It always makes my day to see people piece together the greater puzzle beyond the story!

    3. Mango Gravy Avatar
      Mango Gravy

      This is very intriguing. The Wounds, the Deprived, the Corporation, Vinzeit, are proper nouns and, quite frankly, I love me some proper nouns. There’s a world here and it seems to be contemporary/near-future blended with supernatural horror. A combo I can’t say I’ve seen much of lately. I’m sold on it already but if there are vampires in this world, I might be head over heels.
      I’m curious as to what CiRFiS is, but it’s definitely Vinzeit that caught my eye. He positively reeks of the lore and history that surrounds a deific figure and that excites me, mostly because there are others like him, which means more proper nouns!
      Other than the glass dagger threatening to reawaken my Skyrim addiction, I really enjoyed this and I’m looking forward to seeing more.

      1. Insania404 Avatar
        Insania404

        Thanks so much for the read and comment, Mango!

        I’m also a big fan of proper nouns and there are several more I have yet to reveal in these prompts, so get ready to see those dropped in the near future!

        As for the world, the future is closer than you think and vampires are simply parasites, feeding off of another. Keep that in mind and you may see a version of those supernatural creatures you love so much!

        If the next prompt wills it, you may see at least a partial explanation of what the CiRFiS is, but we’ll see what the future holds.

  21. Makeshift Mousepad Avatar
    Makeshift Mousepad

    The Great Gray Wendigo (repost from private)
    By: Makeshift Mousepad

    The transporter treads hit rough terrain causing Charlie’s already nervous fingers to slip from his rifle. The captain would’ve been pissed but Delta anticipated the event and grabbed the barrel before it could clatter against the floor. The other riders glanced over before promptly minding their own business.

    “Really, rookie?” Delta’s voice filtered through his helmet’s speaker.

    “Give me a break. It’s my first mission with the Dragon Riders and it’s the biggest one we’ve seen.” Charlie responded.

    Delta rolled his rigid helmet. “Listen kid. If the name ‘Dragon Riders’ has taught me anything, it is that the media hams things up for the public. I mean… come on. ‘Operation: Wendigo?’ Next they’ll be sending us to neutralize Dracula.”

    Charlie leaned closer, his suit clattering against itself. “They said this thing leveled a city!”

    “What a coincidence. These guns can do the same thing.” Delta’s characteristic smirk seemed to beam through his visor. “And in these suits, we wouldn’t break a sweat.” He flicked his chest plate creating a few sparks.

    “We’ve got contact!” A voice shouted from the driver’s seat.

    Before they could raise their heads, a flash of light roared through the aisle of the transporter. The atmosphere of war washed past them like a freshly split oyster. Charlie and Delta quickly noted the distance between them and turned their attention to the light. At the delta of their ruined transporter stood a hunched figure with their arms stretched out to their sides.

    Charlie, frozen in fear, couldn’t raise his gun. He could only watch as metallic spikes shot through all of his comrades who managed to move.

    “Pathetic.” Joseph’s crimson gaze drifted over to Charlie. “Motionless, when moving mattered most.”

    Charlie clenched his teeth at that and gained his resolve. Lunging forward, he readied his weapon. But like lightning, Joseph lobed off Charlie’s forearms with his bare hands. The screaming pain sent Charlie to his knees. “Why are you doing this!” He choked through his pain.

    With contempt Joseph answered, “To save humanity from its own maw.”

    1. Preserves Roses Avatar
      Preserves Roses

      I feel a little confused by parts of the story. The beginning is great, you really capture the nerves of going into the battle, especially for someone that is new. Also the bit of contempt by the veterans towards so of the higher ups is well shown as well. I got a little lost at the end when they are attacked. The Joseph character felt a bit out of place. Like Charlie seems to know him I think. Maybe it’s because of the short nature of the piece, but the ending felt a bit rushed. Overall a good story.

      1. Makeshift Mousepad Avatar
        Makeshift Mousepad

        Thank you for the review! The ending lines aren’t all that I hoped they would be. There was a different ending where the soldiers had more of an interaction with Joseph but it didn’t flow as well as I needed it to. I’ll take a look back at this piece and post any changes I make to the word refinery.

    2. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
      ThatWeirdFish

      What a great, chilling ending! I’m curious to know more about who or what Joseph is and his motives. Also, I love your worldbuilding here. It makes sense that in a world in a modern time setting, the governments would organize a task force to deal with dangerous supernatural/magical entities. Excellent story, and thank you for sharing, Mousepad!

  22. Connor A. Avatar
    Connor A.

    Invitation (Sword Isles)
    By Connor A.

    Marcos flipped through a book as Death strode in. “Any leads on that Hunter yet?”

    “No, unfortunately.” Death made his cloak vanish before opening one of the books on the table. “Nothing on the sword, either.”

    Marcos looked up and almost dropped his book. He recovered just before Death looked up at him.

    “Is something wrong?”

    “Ah, no. Course not,” Marcos stumbled as he leaned on the wall. “Don’t think I’ve seen you without your cloak before now.”

    Death looked down at his shirt and vest. “Ah, I suppose not. I have been meaning to try going around without it for awhile now, though finding opportunities to do so have been difficult.”

    Marcos took a breath. “I have an idea. For your thing, I mean.”

    Death tilted his head slightly. Despite not having a face, it was clear that he was displaying some level of curiosity.

    The wizard found himself looking at the ground. “See, there’s a former client of mine that gave me an invitation to an upcoming party of his as thanks for lifting a curse on his daughter, but I’m not exactly a party type—”

    Marcos felt a bony hand on his shoulder. He looked up and saw Death with a head tilt that implied some attempt at comforting him.

    “Breathe,” Death spoke softly. As Marcos took a few slow breaths, Death continued, “If Nadia’s stories of Fadi are anything to go by, it almost seems like you are asking me on one of those ‘dates’ I heard about.”

    Marcos looked back at the ground.

    “Oh.” Death tried to determine what to say, but settled with a joking, “After the near-death experiences you had, flirting with Death is what makes you nervous?”

    Marcos chuckled. “Go figure, huh?”

    “…What time is this party?”

    The wizard looked back up. “Really?”

    “As tempting as it is to listen to Samuel’s misadventures—”

    Marcos snickered at Death’s overly sarcastic tone.

    “—I cannot recall the last time we spent time together outside of our investigations.”

    Marcos gave Death a relieved smile. “Tomorrow at sunset.”

    “I cannot wait.”

    1. This is enormously sweet, Connor. I love to see Marcos throwing off his shackles of anxiety, if only for one night, and going to party with his growing beloved.

      Dearh is so very sweet in these interactions. He’s honest almost to a fault, and at times, he comes off as oblivious in some of the best ways. That may be my interpretation of it, though.

      I never tire of seeing these two together, and to see Marcos be less hesitant and more open with Death is a wonderful way to show his growth as a character and their growth as a couple.

      No critiques; only praise. Outstanding job.

      1. Connor A. Avatar
        Connor A.

        Thank you! I would put this at around a midway point to Marcos’ personal arc of recovery, and him learning how to confront his feelings is a big part of that. Because this Death is inspired by Discworld’s Death, your interpretation of his behavior is actually pretty close.

    2. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      Didn’t expect a story with the main character literally flirting with Death, or at least, trying to do so, but that’s the amazing thing about these prompts. I especially like this interpretation of Death. Honest, but mainly unaware of human interactions, though not for a lack of trying. He definitely seems like he’s out of his element despite his best attempts to learn the nuances of humanity. The dialog between Marcos and death is also quite adorable. Overall, excellent piece.

      1. Connor A. Avatar
        Connor A.

        Thanks! As I was writing this submission, I realized the joke of “flirting with death,” and had to put it in. Along with Discworld’s interpretation being a major influence, this Death also shares some parts of my mindset—not entirely sure of how social interactions work and often having to be outright told how someone is feeling.

    3. Maggie Webb Avatar
      Maggie Webb

      I don’t know much about this pair, but I like the interaction and dynamic I’m seeing. It feels like you nailed that awkward feeling of asking someone out, especially with the paragraph-length justification Marcos gave Death. Even the little move to look busy in front of his crush is pretty spot on.

      The technical part of me is wondering how the cloak vanishes (hand gesture? Rapid dissolving?) and if Death and Marcos have been together long enough that Marcos knows the difference between the two head tilts (and what those sneaky differences are), but I’m very aware they’re nit-picky things on my end. You’ve done a great job here.

      1. Connor A. Avatar
        Connor A.

        Thank you for the input! I will admit that if I had just a bit more wiggle room in the word count, I totally would have included some of the more nuanced scene descriptions like how the cloak disappeared.

        These two have, in fact, known each other long enough for Marcos to read Death like this. Because the order of events in these submissions is not chronological, I haven’t actually gotten around to the stories focused on the history of their relationship, but that is something I want to write about.

    4. DAVID A CHAMBERLAIN Avatar
      DAVID A CHAMBERLAIN

      For some reason I kept hearing Norm MacDonald as the voice of death. I don’t imagine the grim reaper has a “body to die for”. I Would imagine that death without the cloak would look something akin to a fluffy cat that has had its body hair shaved. Killer story.

      1. Connor A. Avatar
        Connor A.

        Thanks! To be honest, I’m still kinda debating on a voice for Death. The closest way I can describe it is “HAL 9000, but deeper.” And the energy of a fluffy cat being shaved certainly would apply to the sight since Death does wear the cloak often.

  23. Traumfresser (Darkspell Universe)
    By Alex Nightingale (aka Spectre)

    Where was she? How did she get here?

    The asphalt was cold beneath her bare feet. There was no wind, but a soft spritzing rain sprinkling onto her. The street was poorly lit and empty. The air was thick with a stench of sulfur. In the sky above her, she saw a massive jagged line, like the exit of a titanic maw.

    “Hello? Dane? Rosie? Sol?” Mia called the names of her friends.

    All she heard was the faint whisper of countless voices.

    “Hello?!” she raised her voice. “Anyone?!”

    They came. People, first one, then ten, then thousands oozed from the gaps between houses. The whispering grew closer and louder. Mia tried to make out familiar features, trying to find Dane’s wavy hair, Rosie’s freckles or Sol’s grey eyes. She desperately searched for telltale signs of her friends, until she realized that all these people were bald and completely featureless. Where faces should be, there were only pulsating patches of skin. Slowly, methodically, they began to circle her.

    Mia backed away, until she bumped into something. She whirled around, seeing one of the faceless entities stretching its hands towards her. She screamed and backed away. The whispering had risen to a deafening crescendo; the stench of sulfur stinging her nose like an angry wasp. One word burned in her mind like a flare.

    Traumfresser. Dreameater.

    It had only been a laugh. A harmless little exercise by four magic students. A simple test, nothing more.

    “Mia”, that was Rosie. “Mia, help!”

    She turned. There were Rosie, Dane and Sol, all of them surrounded by these faceless. Hands were covering their bodies, dragging them into the mass of people.

    “No”, she covered her face. “No, no, no.”

    “Help!”

    Mia couldn’t take it. She turned and ran as fast as she could. Tears flowed down her cheeks, as the voices of her friends grew faint. Hands reached to her. She screamed, sending hexes of white flame their way.

    When she woke up in a hospital, they told her they’d found her in Sol’s dorm, surrounded by her three dead friends.

    1. How much wanton devastation has been wrought by students just trying things for a giggle? You just know they were warned, but they decided they knew better. Just like every other silly soul who had a similar mishap.

      1. Thanks! Yeah, the Dreameater is an entity best left alone. It was very much a case of hubris from inexperience.

    2. Whhhhoooooooo, Alex! This is a roller coaster ride, and I do not want to be in Mia’s. I don’t know exactly what they were doing as a prank, but the result is horrific. I don’t think even pranksters deserve this kind of consequence. At least not these four, more specifically Mia.

      The dream eaters sound incredibly frightening and not things I would ever want to encounter in any lifetime. I would like to know how that translated from that particular reality to what happens at the end of the story. it’s unfortunate that her friends are dead and she’s taking the blame for it.

      I love the descriptions of the setting and how terrified Mia is. My heart was pounding the entire time. Needless to say, I would love a sequel. Excellent job, Alex.

      1. Thank you for your review! I really tried to get the descriptions right this time, so I’m glad you enjoyed it. The sequel to this has already been written in the sense that this is Mias backstory, set before all other stories with her.

        I will say, though that the faceless were not the Dreameater. They were its victims. You saw the Dreameater in the same way as you see London, when looking at Buckingham Palace

    3. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      Magic is never something that should be taken lightly, as there’s always a chance for devastating consequences. Mia learned the hard way that perhaps this power is more deadly than she had imagined.

      If they were just doing this for a laugh, who knows what kind of devastation they could have brought on their world had they tried something even more serious!

      You can’t help but feel sorry for Mia at the end, the sole survivor, possibly suffering judgment for a crime she unwittingly committed. She doesn’t deserve that fate.

      1. Thank you! Mia is indeed in for judgement. And you’re right, magic shouldn’t be wielded without due caution, especially when dealing with eldritch horrors. If someone more experienced seriously tried with this spell, the results would indeed be devastating.

    4. Connor A. Avatar
      Connor A.

      As painful as it is to see something that was meant to be harmless go horribly wrong, it’s also really fascinating to see it as part of a tragic backstory. I believe Mia’s the character with the talking crow companion? Great job as always, and I hope to see more from this part of your world.

      1. Thanks! Mia is the young witch with the crow familiar, Konrad, yes. This story was indeed meant as a backstory to her and perhaps shed some light on her story.

    5. Wow! That is all I can say! You really nailed the horrific nature of this entire scene. You used the word count to your advantage to give us all the horrific details needed for the reader’s minds to fill in the rest. Special kudos to the pulsating masses of flesh instead of faces. That just painted a chilling visual. Definitely a situation where you don’t mess with something you don’t understand.

      And then to wrap it up with such a tragic ending was the cherry on the top. It just made your heart drop. Awesome story!

      1. Thanks for the review! Capturing the horror of the scene was really important to me here, so I’m glad it came through. The Dreameater really is someone you do not want to challenge unprepared.

  24. Fredrick H. Avatar
    Fredrick H.

    An Enemy of My Enemy (Crossroads City Canon)
    By Fredrick H. (challeng3r22)

    Angela threw her ice locked limbs against the ground as the building burned around her.

    It took two hits for the ice to shatter, but it was too late to hope for an escape down the stairs.

    Giving a silent thanks for her mystically enhanced strength she made her way to the window on numbed feet. As she stood on the sill, gathering her courage, the building exploded behind her.

    She regained consciousness on the other side of the street surrounded by rubble. Her sword, still lit up in pure white luminescence, laid a few feet away, she crawled towards it as sirens blared in the distance.

    As she grasped the hilt a shadow fell over her.

    “Perhaps I misjudged you, Chosen One. You are quite resilient. Unlike everyone in that building,” its deep voice rumbled.

    “What do you want?” she shrieked.

    “Nothing more than the desires of My Lady.”

    She screamed as the sword’s aura flickered black. She attacked wildly without ceasing. And all that effort revealed only minimal scratches.

    A blast of green energy shot out from an alleyway knocking the behemoth off of its feet. A smile appeared on Angela’s face as everything faded to black.

    Angela awoke in a canopy bed. Her wounds were bandaged. and in place of her oversized concert t-shirt was a silk nightgown.

    “Glad to see you’re awake,” the young man at the end of the bed observed.

    “Lord of the Forbidden Wilds?”

    “Currently at bay. I’m merely the host body that got stuck with him. You may call me Anthony.”

    “Alright, Anthony. Why did you defeat an ally of your benefactor?”

    “Benefactor is a generous term. And the one thing we can agree on is that you’re more useful alive and stopping those who would upset the order of things. Also, we didn’t defeat him. He had already won.”

    1. I love that you throw the reader right into the action alongside Angela, Fredrick. I’m intrigued by the magic system at play here. I’m assuming that Angela pours her emotions into her sword, which gives it strength. However, the “behemoth” overpowered her. I’m guessing he is the reason behind the exploding building?

      Critiques:

      “Perhaps I misjudged you(,) (C)hosen (O)ne.

      Unlike, everyone in that building,” (You can omit the comma.)

      “Glad to see your(you’re) awake,” the young man at the end of the bed observed.

      I’m not sure if this is a very short story from you this week, or if it was just that good (probably that good), but I burned through reading this.

      There was a ton happening in the background, I’m sure, and I’m extremely curious as to what this fight is about. It’s just so immersive, and I honestly want to know more about this world and these characters. Such as what does Anthony need a proxy? Is this a remote possession, or is he simply not strong enough to take his own corporeal form?

      I have so many wonderful questions that I hope you answer. Great piece!

      1. Fredrick H. Avatar
        Fredrick H.

        This fight is a continuation from last weeks piece and draws various elements from other works I’ve done set in this world. Most notably Anthony is a character from my piece for The Beast Behind the Eyes and the monster was created in the one for Given a New Name.
        Links if you would like to read them:
        https://thetalefoundry.com/2020/12/20/writing-group-by-the-fire/#comment-12907
        https://thetalefoundry.com/2020/12/06/writing-group-given-a-new-name/#comment-12557
        https://thetalefoundry.com/2020/10/19/writing-group-the-beast-behind-the-eyes/#comment-11409
        Yes, I know that means this story technically breaks the Stand-alone rule, but I couldn’t help myself.

    2. I-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      I-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Ahhh this is a continuation of last weeks story isn’t it?! So glad I decided to read it!!

      “Giving a silent thanks for her mystically enhanced strength” was a line that particularly made me smile. I don’t know, I just liked the phrasing!
      And “Also, we didn’t defeat him. He had already won.” Was a very intriguing line to leave off on, and probably rather sobering to her to hear.

      I’m curious who this “Lord of the Forbidden Wilds” is and why he needs host bodies, and why Anthony doesn’t seem particularly happy about being said host body.

      I also like that she left a life-or-death fight, but that perhaps part at the end is the real maw she’s reaching into.

      Great job!!

  25. Champagne Smiles and Glittered Kisses
    by Lunabear (Private Repost)

    The rancorous, drunk crowd howled just beyond the velvet curtain.

    Taryn’s stomach wanted to revolt. Heavy bass threatened to vibrate her into a puddle. She could hardly feel her heart assault her ribcage.

    Swallowing did nothing to alleviate the dryness in her throat.

    The crackling of the ear piece caused Taryn to shriek. She slapped a stinging hand across her mouth.

    “Cray just walked in. Corner booth.”

    She bit her lip at Thane’s announcement.

    “H-how many?” She hated the tremor.

    “Six. Deep breaths, baby bird. All access points are locked down. Cray won’t slip out without our notice.”

    She knew Dalton’s smile was pinched.

    The song ended.

    “You can do this, Taryn. Put those gymnastics skills to use.”

    Kaila’s tight chuckle didn’t soothe Taryn’s frayed nerves.

    She removed the ear piece and silenced it with fumbling fingers. She then placed it on a nearby table.

    “Welcome to the stage, Starshine!”

    Taryn’s lips felt like etched granite as she smiled and burst through the burgundy waterfall.

    The place was packed, and the lights were far too bright.

    She spied her comrades with minor relief. She couldn’t locate Cray, but his entourage stood out.

    A hard rock song blasted as she approached the pole. The cold metal against her palm blocked her anxieties.

    Lewd jeers rolled from her shoulders and fell to the glittered platform.

    Her lids drooped, and she grew a lazy smile.

    Taryn was soon a slave to the rhythm, and executed the practiced, complicated moves almost flawlessly.

    The patrons were enraptured, nearly mobbing the stage.

    Her heeled feet hit the wood again. A different sort of adrenaline doused her veins.

    Through raining green, in the center front of the throng, stood Cray. His curved lips revealed crooked fangs.

    She finished her set to thunderous applause and shrill whistles.

    While collecting her earnings, she sent a flirtatious wink Cray’s way.

    She blew a kiss and sauntered back through the curtain.

    Once backstage, she replaced her ear piece and exhaled deeply. Her heart gradually slowed.

    Footsteps echoed.

    “Do you perform…private shows?”

    Taryn’s gut clenched at Cray’s thick Russian accent.

    1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Ooooh this is really interesting!! Im curious who cray is and who Taryn’s group is, what both their goals are.

      Lines I liked:

      “Heavy bass threatened to vibrate her into a puddle.”

      “Six. Deep breaths, baby bird”

      “She knew Dalton’s smile was pinched.”–I think pinched is a cool image for this.

      “Taryn’s lips felt like etched granite as she smiled and burst through the burgundy waterfall.”–A++ writing

      “Her lids drooped, and she grew a lazy smile.”–I liked this image of a smile growing on her face. I feel like this is definitely how it would have to feel to do a strip show. (Well, maybe just pole dancing in her case.) I liked that you didnt say it was painted on, but used this “lazy” image. I thought it was great.

      “Through raining green, in the center front of the throng, stood Cray. His curved lips revealed crooked fangs.”–OOOOH!!! You know I’m a sucker for those little mentions of the supernatural. So is he a vampire then?

      You worlds always draw me in!!

      1. Thank you so much, Anti-hero! I can’t say too much about it (as I haven’t thought too much about it beyond this point), but suffice it to say that this is essentially a sting operation. Taryn and her group work for a supernatural organization known as the Council. That’s basically supernatural government.

        Cray is a threat to the Council. He has to go down.

        Hopefully I’ll get to explore all of this in a future installment. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

        1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
          i-prefer-the-term-antihero

          You’re welcome!! Ahh gotcha!!
          Ooh!! Gotta love those supernatural tie ins!!

          I hope so too!! 😀

    2. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      Looks like the target fell for it! Very well done! The descriptions in this story are absolutely incredible and it gives drunken life to this sleazy club.

      I like how the action of Taryn touching the pole essentially transforms her into the character she needs to be in order to bait her target. It shows a kind of surrender to doing what needs to be done, despite her anxieties. I kind of understand the feeling, though it’s singing on stage for me, rather than performing a pole dance.

      Unfortunately for Taryn, it looks like reaching into the maw has only led her into the belly of the beast.

      1. I appreciate your review, Insania! I’m really glad you empathize with Taryn; she’s never done anything like this before, and I didn’t get to mention this in the story, but she’s also human. The only human on her team, in fact. This helps to draw in their target, as this club is supernatural. I sincerely wished I had more room to write that out.

        I’m very thankful you enjoyed the story. I hope you can relieve at least some of your anxieties about singing on stage. Sometimes, when we can manage it, The Foundry does karaoke, and it’s great fun.

        I so hope that I can get to explore this more in a future prompt. This was insanely fun to write. Thank you again!

    3. This paints such a good scene! It puts me in the mind of Sucker Punch somewhat. The funny thing was that initially I thought Taryn was in a band or was going to be doing the sultry Jessica Rabbit type performance until the pole showed up. Though I probably should have questioned that at the gymnast comment.

      Either way, you showed her trepidation and acceptance once she was in it excellently. I also loved the little thrill Taryn got after the set was done. You didn’t even need to explain the situation because it was laid out so well that it was an undercover deal. Great story!

      1. Thank you so much, Marx! It makes me so happy that you enjoyed the story. I wasn’t thinking of Sucker Punch while writing, but I definitely see it now.

        It was really fun to write, and I’ve been waiting to bust these characters out for a while, now. I hope to explore them more in future installments. Thank you again!

    4. The change in the ending is simple but effective.

      I love that this was very figurative, but also perhaps NOT so figurative at all.

      The situation was pretty easily spelled out, without spelling anything out, actually.

      This is a very “Well yes, but actually no.” story.

      It kind of makes me wonder just why or rather how she ended up in this situation, as it seems like she’s a professional, such as some type of law enforcement, but she feels much more at ease doing her… performance than before or after.

    5. BluePhireFoenix Avatar
      BluePhireFoenix

      Hey Bear, a tight story as always. I’ve got to say I like the way that you split every paragraph into a sentence or two. This whole story is tense, and the way that the narrative could change from second to second is really reflected in that structure. I think my only note that you could maybe do without a few of the adjectives. When she ‘exhaled deeply’, we didn’t need the adverb; the exhalation was all we needed. But this is a really minor point, because as I said, it’s minimalist, well structured and very gripping.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so for the review! I’m super glad you enjoyed the story! I was worried it may be a little too racy given the context. It was pretty fun to write. Exploring Taryn’s character was very freeing.

        Lol. I do love adjectives and adverbs, and I use them to excess sometimes without realizing it. I’ll do my best to rein those in. Thank you for pointing that out. Thank you again for taking the time to read and leaving a lovely comment!

    6. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
      ThatWeirdFish

      Well done, Luna! You’ve really captured anxiety here really well. I love the use of sensory descriptions; it helped me get into Tyrn’s mind and sympathize with her. And what’s this? Vampires or werewolves afoot? Call me intrigued. I’d love to read more about this group and their adventures. Great work, and keep writing. You’re doing fantastic!

  26. Donkey Butt
    By Marx

    “Oh come now…” Alex rolled his eyes at the tear-ridden girl before him. “I’m a demon. You like me BECAUSE I’m a demon. Why the surprise when I do demonic things?”

    “You weren’t supposed to do them to ME!” Jasmine sobbed. “You knew how important my family was to me.”

    “Only because you told me.” Alex chuckled. “Besides, I didn’t kill them. Your ‘friend’ did.”

    “She follows your orders! You could have stopped her at any time!”

    “Sure, I could have. But where’s the fun in that? Besides, I was hungry.” Alex grinned widely. “I think what you need to realize here is that the toy doesn’t get to choose how it’s played with. The mutt knows that all too well. Isn’t that right, mutt?”

    “Yes, Sir.” Daisy happily responded from her kneeling position by Alex’s throne.

    Jasmine scowled at her former best friend. She didn’t know if her friend was even still in there anymore. Jasmine couldn’t believe in the past that she’d actually envied Daisy’s place as Alex’s thrall. She turned back to Alex, her fury taking over. “I’m not your goddamn toy! I hate you! I hate you SO much!”

    Alex seemed taken back by the words but when his grin returned, it chilled Jasmine to the bone. “You asked to be my thrall so many times. And I always denied you. Do you want to know why?”

    Jasmine refused to take the bait and silently growled at the demon instead.

    “Because I found you too interesting to just… claim you when you were so willing. No. That’s not a fun game at all. However… getting you to say those glorious three words. Now THAT… That was fun.”

    Jasmine continued to glare until she fully realized what Alex meant. She turned and ran, knowing the futility. But Alex was much faster. His golden eyes glowed vibrantly as he dashed ahead, easily catching her.

    “Alex, please! I… I don’t want this anymore…” She mumbled helplessly, knowing her last minutes of freedom were rapidly fading.

    “Oh Sweetheart…” Alex purred. “Since when was any of this about what you wanted?”

    1. Oooh, I like this. Angst Juice has always been my favourite flavour. This is every shade of “curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal” and I love it to bits. Alex is the worst buttmunch and I want to slaughter him mercilessly. Perhaps that’s the way he likes it. Good thing he’s fictional.

      1. Lol yeah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal is about the gist of it. It was never going to end too well for Jasmine no matter what. Alex is a very old demon, so as he said, he mostly sees mortals as toys to entertain himself with so definitely the way he likes it. Thanks for the review!

    2. Marx, I’m absolutely enTHRALLED by this story! You write slime balls and sleeze buckets incredibly well. I think, for me, the worst part about this is I can see how charming and exciting Alex can be. It’s not difficult for me to understand how Daisy and Jasmine could fall under his spell. That is beyond scary and something I temporarily revisited while reading your story. It’s SO good! I also love the play on the title. Bravo! Most certainly can’t wait for the next installment!

      1. Lol love the pun there. And I take it as a badge of pride that I write my villains… well… villainously. And I love that his charming side came across as well! I was mostly focusing on his psychological sadism I guess you could call it. As the big bad of my story, you will definitely be seeing more of Alex so worry not! Thank you so much!

    3. Rarely have I wanted to punch a fictional character more than the Alex of this piece. That guy is a world class jerk. And not just that, he’s a tyrant, who abuses his power and his hold over Jasmine and Daisy.

      I do love how he is depicted, however. Despite is absolutely loathesome nature, he’s still charismatic enough to get away with what I suspect is murder and worse and that is real power. And real terror. Jasmine is also done really well in her hatred of Alex, despite knowing there is nothing she can do. It’s really tragic and haunting, but so well done.

      Great piece!

      1. Alex would absolutely agree with you in the fact that he can pretty much get away with whatever he wants being his real power and what makes him so dangerous. He just knows how to work the system so that he pushes the limits but doesn’t cross them enough that he’s a threat to beings who could take him out. And all that does equate to him being, as you said, a world class jerk. A donkey butt if you will lol.

        Jasmine’s role in this was particularly fun to write though. So glad that you enjoyed it!

    4. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      And the award for the most punchable face in fiction goes to…

      Jasmine had to have seen it coming, but she assumed that Alex would never do anything to hurt her, as if a demon has any capacity for compassion or love for that matter. However, in this story, Alex goes full mustache-twirling villain just for a laugh, a meal, and, apparently a new thrall.

      You can feel the visceral hate flowing from Jasmine while Alex brushes aside such a terrible deed and I love the sudden change from Jasmine’s rage to the realization that she was doomed from the beginning of this story. Very nicely done, and as an added bonus, I got to read it to myself in my favorite villain voice.

      1. Lol! There is apparently a punch Alex line forming, yes. The funny thing is, up until that point, Jasmine was a bit of an exception to the rule. He probed her with some questionable moral choices, but for the most part they had a pretty playful banter going. In truth though, she should have seen it coming. He might have favored her as a special toy but he still saw her as a toy.

        Lol! Also I could definitely see someone having fun with a villain voice in this one easily. Alex does very much have a villain who loves to monologue quality about him. Thank you for the review!

    5. The sad thing about this, I think, is that it all comes from Jasmine’s over inflated sense of importance. To the world, surely, but mostly to Alex. He clearly gives little care to anything but his own wants and amusements… and yet somehow she thought he actually cared about her.

      As he himself said, “Demons gonna demon.”

      1. You hit the nail on the head with that one. Yes, Alex is evil and he’s a demon but he’s very honest about that. Jasmine’s issue stemmed at least in part from the fact that she thought she could be an exception to the rule or at the very least that he would respect her boundaries if she were to come to him willingly which was obviously not the case. Demons gonna demon does about cover it lol.

    6. The Man Himself Avatar
      The Man Himself

      Nice one! If you’re looking for feedback; you could do with maybe displaying Jasmine’s feelings a bit more strongly. You specifically mention her sobbing, which is good but given the severity of Alex’s crime, it might to reiterate the extent of her distress throughout with the odd adjective, or stumble in the dialogue. At times it seems like she’s more severely annoyed than absolutely distraught, but in such a short piece the distinction might be meaningless. Good job!

      1. I was strongly debating with that! Lol. But as you said, the length tends to limit me on what to focus on. It was one of the reasons I wanted to put that she was distraught at the beginning and I’d put more in there if I could. An odd adjective though is a good suggestion though. Thank you so much!

    7. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      I found most engaging in this story the dynamic between Jasmine and Alex. Even setting the fantasy elements aside, this story echoes a real sense of “wanting the bad boy” only to discover the reality of a person who is cruel and uncaring. Making him a demon is in some ways icing on the cake of evil. I also liked how that dynamic unfolded with the emphasis on how it is her anger and rebellion that really creates the turning point for the story as his plan to make her hate him as a starting point for breaking her down. All and all, a well written scene.

      1. Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it so much! And I did want to make their relationship very…human. As you said, you don’t have to be a demon to be so cruel. But I do love the idea of the bad boy actually being bad and it isn’t an act where if you’re nice enough he’ll become a sweetheart. With Alex, what you see is absolutely what you get since he’s so arrogant in himself that he doesn’t bother hiding anything.

        He just likes messing with peoples’ heads. It’s why Daisy and so perfect for him. Daisy hated him to begin with, so he was twist them both simultaneously while involving them in each other’s corruption.

  27. My What Big Teeth You Have
    C. M. Weller

    There are several things wrong with taking a sacred vow to heal ALL hurts she met. Primary in her mind was the dragon with a sore tooth. It’s always the problem right in front of you that looms large, but this one was larger than most.

    “You have poisons in your bag,” rumbled the dragon. Of course he smelled them. “Know now that they are insufficient to end me. Your attempt is pure folly.”

    “I’m not here to kill you,” Allaine made a show of putting her bag down, laying out some of her tools. “I’m here to help.”

    “I could eat you in one bite,” said the dragon.

    “You’ve just fed on your tribute of elderly cattle. You’d make yourself sick,” Allaine insisted. “And you will still have the pain. It might be years before you meet another healer like me.”

    The dragon tilted their head to one side, eyeing the tools Allaine laid out. “Most people try to kill dragons.”

    “I’m not most people. I took a vow to heal all hurts and it turns out the Gods take you seriously. You do NOT ignore a prophetic vision twice.” Once was plenty for Allaine.

    A snout the size of a hut came close to sniff her. The dragon didn’t need to do that. Dragons could scent prey across mountain ranges and some could scent them across oceans. Perhaps while she was here, she could check them for the sniffles.

    The dragon knew she was their only hope. Allaine had only the trust in her Gods and the hope that this would release her from her vows if it all went to the dungheap.

    “What do I do?” said the dragon.

    “Let me prepare and then let me work,” said Allaine. “It will hurt, but that will be the end of your pain. With luck, the pain of ending your woes will be brief.” She had everything she needed. “Open. And stay open.”

    The dragon COULD eat her in one bite. There was only one way to know if they wanted to.

    Sleeves rolled up, she stepped inside.

    END

    1. This is super wholesome, Weller. I also love the touch of Red Riding Hood from the title. It’s a healer attending to a dragon who has a toothache. Allaine’s job is very dangerous, but she’s comfortable at doing it.

      My only critique is to space out your paragraphs so that they’re easier to read.

      I love how you show the dragon’s nervousness by having them talk and try to dissuade her from checking their mouth. I adore how she puts the dragon at ease. Really fantastic job, and I’m so happy you shared this. Absolutely put a smile on my face. Amazing story!

      1. I’ll remember the spaces for the next one. Pity I can’t find the edit function for posts, just yet.

        Addendum – I found the edit function. Yay.

    2. Fredrick H. Avatar
      Fredrick H.

      Which is worse? A patient that you don’t know how they’ll act or a patient you expect to act poorly. Interesting concept of a world where the gods provide healthcare. It is advisable to add additional spaces between paragraphs for readability reasons. Overall, a great piece.

    3. This was such a fun read. I love the whole lore of the situation. Just little things like Allaine clearly having been bitten by ignoring her vow before and going into this fully aware that it could be the last thing she did. It does have a bit of a fairy tale feel to it, which the title accented well.

      I’ve also always loved the idea that dragons are these powerful beings but enough humans have successfully killed them that they’re overly cautious. Great job! I’d love to see more of Allaine!

    4. The Man Himself Avatar
      The Man Himself

      Nice, fairly literal interpretation! I like the dynamic between the two and how easily you got across the role of the dragon as the petulant, reluctant patient that the healer knows is only talking big. You could have emphasised the fearsomeness and danger of the creature a bit more which would have added to the contrast between the current role and general impression of dragons, but if the idea was to show the healer as completely devoid of fear, then I suppose that wouldn’t be necessary.

      Nice job!

    5. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      What a clever use of the prompt, Weller. I also like the exchange between the dragon and Allaine.

  28. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    The Bookshelf’s Valuable Lesson (Nyssa’s Story)
    By Calliope Rannis

    When Nyssa’s academic curiosity drew her to an old bookshelf within the dark dungeon, she didn’t realise anything was wrong until she stuck her arm right into the shelves.

    At first she was confused. Trying to take a book, she realised that the pages seemed stuck together, and the books were fused to the shelf itself. The whole thing was just a single, seamless mass.

    But before Nyssa could react, the shelves suddenly deformed into a mass of teeth, and slammed shut upon her arm.

    The pain smashed into her, blurring her vision and deafening her ears with the sound of an awful, raspy scream – her own scream. Nyssa’s only thoughts were “Get out get Out Get Out GET OUT!!!”

    With pure instinct, she clutched her other hand over her heart, and screamed again, but this time with a word of power buried within her howl. She felt the thunderous force build up within her chest, and prepared to release it outward–

    –when she glimpsed Dante through the tears of her peripheral vision, the elven monk standing beside her as he unleashed punch after punch against the Mimic. Realising her mistake, Nyssa tried to hold back her spell–

    –but it was too late. With a great crash, the shockwave erupted out of her. The Mimic was smashed against the back wall, teeth scraping across her arm – but it did not let go. Dante was flung to the side, impacting the stone with a nasty crunch. She heard a low groan leave his mouth as he slumped to the floor.

    Nyssa tried to wriggle free of the shapeshifting jaws, to no avail. Desperate with fear, she looked away from the horror, closed her eyes, and yanked her arm with all the force she could muster.

    A hideous noise, a great tearing pain, and her arm was free, and Nyssa was stumbling away. She refused to look at her arm. But the pain was indescribable. She could hear it dripping.

    Then as she staggered onwards, the giant figure of Rosewin rushing past with greataxe in hand, she screamed once more.

    “HELP! HELP!!!!”

    1. This is what happens when you fail your investigation check, lol. I can tell your POV character is in trouble and the Cleric may not be able to save the day. I’m humming _Never Split The Party_ by Emerald Rose now. It’s your fault! It’s a bop, but it’s going to take hours to get it out of my head.

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Nyssa did indeed fail a perception check on the bookshelf shortly before she got bit, yes. Thankfully the mimic got absolutely destroyed by Rosewin shortly afterwards, but it left both Nyssa and Dante in a rather shattered mood for hours afterward, not to mention the issues it caused with each other for a bit.

    2. You were not kidding about this dungeon being horrific. Nyssa pulling her arm away actually made me cringe. I can definitely see where those scars came from, as well as why she needed to apologize to Dante later. You described it all so well. Everything from the bookcase becoming teeth to the way her magic worked, when she both cast the spell and immediately tried to stop it.

      It all just made the story that much more claustrophobic and frantic once the danger started. Very well done!

    3. Oof. This one was rough. Nyssa really walked (or reached) right into that one. I just hope she’s alright. And Dante… the way he was tossed into the wall makes me suspect the worst.

      This was certainly quite the action scene. The tension was absolutely palable and my heart skipped several beats during my reading of this. You even did the sudden scare of the Mimic effectively, which is hard to do in text. I do hope Nyssa is alright, though.

      Amazing piece!

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        If it helps, the previous week’s story is set a day or so after the events of this story, so you can see the aftermath of that there perhaps. And, well, ‘alright’ might be not quite accurate, but Nyssa’s certainly still around and kicking. I am glad this action scene was effective for you – it’s actually a retalling of what happened in a actual dnd session with Nyssa, so the drama is not entirely my creation even!

    4. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      No! The mimics are infecting literature too? I don’t know if I can take it anymore.

      Looks like Nyssa let her curiosity get the better of her. She’s lucky she had her party close by or things could have easily gotten much worse. I especially like the double-edged nature of magic being highlighted here. Nyssa managed to slam the mimic into a wall, but at the cost of severely injuring Dante in the process. I don’t see much of that tradeoff described in fantasy, though it makes sense if this is a D&D character story.

      I don’t know if Nyssa’s physical scars will heal, but I’m sure the trauma that she endured in that library will forever sear itself into her mind. This was an excellent submission!

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Thank you for your review! She did indeed let curiosity get the better of her – she even thought “A bookshelf can’t be that big of a danger, right?” before going down that corridor. Needless to say, she has learnt that lesson.

        And yes, Nyssa’s magic being almost as dangerous to those she cares for as with her enemies is a big part of her themes and backstory. She’s gotten a lot better about avoiding collateral damage since then. And if you want more details on the aftermath of this event, my previous week’s story was set just a day or so after this one chronologically. 😀

    5. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      I really liked some of the details in the story that really made it work. For example the panicked thoughts once the mimic has hold of her. Especially good was the detail of her injured arm “dripping!” All of these details made the story more gritty and vivid to me as a reader and that helped carry across the excitement and terror of the adventure these characters were having/facing off against.

Leave a Reply to Connor A. Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *