Writing Group: Map to Nowhere (PRIVATE)

Hello, explorers of all kinds.

It feels like we’ve been walking for ages. I’m tired, I’m hungry, and my feet hurt. You’re sure this is the right way? What if we’re lost? You better know where you’re going, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Map to Nowhere

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

It’s always fun to just let the mind wander, isn’t it? To see where it can go when given just a few simple words to guide it. Essentially, we’re creating our own maps without even meaning to.

We can venture into brand new, uncharted lands, like an explorer on an excursion into the unknown, charting it out as he goes, paper in one hand and pen in the other. Perhaps someone is looking for a legendary treasure, but the map only leads them to empty sands or a crumbled pile of rocks. Maybe this person is just going to their secret quiet place in the middle of nowhere to be at peace and gaze at the stars, the map being the worn down grass they’ve walked so many times before.

This map could even just be an imaginary map, created by a very imaginative child playing pretend with all of their distant lands just being rooms in the house. Maybe this map is supposed to lead to some ancient and powerful weapon, and someone has ventured out to find it, only to arrive and see his prize is missing. Perhaps someone has only found a piece of a map, which leads them to a destination only halfway through their journey and they must figure out the rest on their own. Or maybe, just maybe, this map is your very own thoughts as you traverse them over and over, trying to come up with an idea but just ending up lost in your own mind.

Whatever path you embark on, whichever road or river you choose to set your course, bring us along on the adventure. 

Just don’t forget to bring a compass, okay?

—Shawna

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 7:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit, and get ready to help each other improve their confidence in their writing, as well as their skill with their craft!

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least four stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and two of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
    6. No additional text styling (such as italics or bold text). Do not use asterisks, hyphens, or any other symbol to indicate whether text should be bold, italic, or styled in any other way. CAPS are okay, though.
  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new (no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Saturday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    6. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    7. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

97 responses to “Writing Group: Map to Nowhere (PRIVATE)”

  1. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    It Was a Map to Nowhere
    By Jesse Fisher

    A blank void stretched out in a vastness that seemed both infinite and finite. Was it a two dimensional or was it three dimensional but with only a fixed angle of view? Was it a death or was it the place of birth? Was any of it for real or not? Were there pieces to a line to see the bigger picture?

    These thoughts were not on the mind of a dark navy wolf, whom was directed to this location. He recalled being in a similar place before, a minor link to a world beyond even the realm of gods. Granted this seemed to still be in said realm of gods as this was in the bar for said gods.

    “Korun said that he wanted me to try and make a place that might be more inviting to those of a similar nature to mine.” He spoke aloud looking at the near blinding white around him.

    With a thought a ground was formed, stone-like with cracks randomly forming as bubbling hot liquid formed. A hum came from the wolf as he looked to the map he recalled having in his possession.

    “So this seems to go to the main bar here.”

    Once he pointed a metallic door appeared on the map with a structure beginning to form around it. A more dark/’evil’ looking bar formed around the wolf as he looked at the map moving more things around.

    “Is the ‘hellish’ astictic a bit too much? I know the liches might not care for it but then again devils and other demons would think this was a place for Krampus and not them.”

    He kept mulling that idea over with the outside shifting from fire to ice and then some of them both. Then some forest and swamps got mixed in and by the time he looked around he just gave up.

    “There the darn thing is made and I can get out of here.”

    Going for the door he stopped.

    “Damn it, I’ve left nowhere to put the name, man this is a pain.”

  2. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    [Removed]

    1. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
      ThatWeirdFish

      A nice twist on the old trope, antihero! The personification of the naive yet arrogant prince made me smile. I’m also intrigued by what the monster is. Is it a ghost, a werewolf, something unique? What’s fantastic about this story is that it’s unnecessary to know what the beast is; you left room for imagination. I also enjoyed the dialog, very well done.

      My only complaint is that word count has struck again, leaving me hungering for more of this world. Well done, and I look forward to reading more from you!

      1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
        i-prefer-the-term-antihero

        Thanks, I’m glad you thought so!!
        😀
        Nice!! Well I did have a specific creature in mind, but like you said, sometimes it’s better when it’s left to the imagination!
        I’m glad you liked the dialogue!!

        laksdfh you are so sweet, I’m glad to hear it!! 😀

    2. PixieWings Avatar
      PixieWings

      This is a really fun concept. The end bit where the vampire (I think she’s a vampire? Or at least a creature that eats people in some capacity?) just throws his ass on the ground and the fairytale trimmings fall away. She’s a really fun antagonist in that respect. I kind of want to have some more backstory on this world and what exactly is happening. It feels like maybe the prince was raised in a place with very strict rules and hasn’t been told the whole story about the world. It’s a really interesting hook. Great work! ^^

      1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
        i-prefer-the-term-antihero

        Thanks!! Yup, she’s a vampire! (I mean, it’s cool if you prefer to think of her as something else, but I wrote her as a vampire XD)
        lkafdh I suppose that’s true! I’m glad you liked her as an antagonist, I did too.
        Indeed! Oooh that’s a great idea!!!
        It seems you guys are writing the story for me, haha! I just wrote him as this arrogant prince archetype and her as this badass vampire but you guys have been giving me much more meaningful ideas for the backstory, and I just love it!!

  3. Matthew (Handsome Johanson) Avatar
    Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    An Unexpected Visit
    by Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    The leaves rustled on an overcast autumn afternoon. The chilly breeze from those far away northern climbs weaved its way in and out through trees of dark orange and brown. The leaves jostled quietly in the afternoon sky undisturbed until a phone ring broke the silence.

    “Hello?” A young man answered his cell phone after wrestling it from his pocket. “Yes, this is Michael.”

    A few moments of silence followed the sudden drop in Michael’s expression. “Yes ma’am, I can go to the park. I can be there in…” He looked at his golden wrist watch. “Uh, maybe thirty minutes. I’ll see you at six.”

    As he was talking, Michael got up and started preparing for the trip. He grabbed his bicycle helmet and slipped on a light coat.

    “Ok. It’s… It’s good to finally be hearing from you again, Aunt Leslie. I-I’ll see you then.”

    Michael mounted his bicycle and rode off. Though the trip went smoothly, he still found himself a little late by the time he arrived at the park near the outskirts of town. With a sense of urgency, he peddled harder and harder through the jagged trails of the park, weaving into the wooded paths.

    As he turned onto the trail Aunt Leslie told him to meet her at the end of, he hit a stray root and came tumbling to the ground.

    “Argh!”

    Getting up to inspect the damage, he found that the root had punctured his front tire.

    He sighed and took out the small tire repair kit hiding under his seat. It wasn’t a permanent fix, but it could at least hold him til he got home.

    As he finished his tire, he turned to continue down the trail.

    BANG.

    Michael collapsed to the ground in pain. His right leg had been grazed.

    “Hand over the watch, NOW.”

    Michael looked up to see a rushing Aunt Leslie glaring back. She was holding a gun.

    “I won’t ask twice, boy.”

    Michael turned to scream for help, but there was no solace.

    Another shot rang out and he fell over, dead.

    1. Oh. Oh dear.

      Now this was an interesting take on the “Nowhere” with the map being the instructions.

      We get some small hints about how he feels about his Aunt, and you even casually mention the watch!

      I really like how you wrote this story, even using the root to make it seem like the drama.

      Good Job Johan!

    2. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      …Mat, why you play with my emotions. Also the nowhere here is subtle, like if I did not know of it I would wonder about it. And then there was second nowhere that seemed blatant, to be left in a place some may call nowhere.

    3. GJFuller Avatar
      GJFuller

      I loved this!
      This is a great opening and has some nice theory fodder to it. The reveal works really well as a short piece. However if you choose to continue it, I would suggest keeping the reveal of the murderer from the audience so to leave them in suspense. Though, I guess, if the focus of the story wasn’t the murder/mugging itself, then knowing “who dun it” would be good.
      Good work!

  4. A Hole In Space
    By MasaCur

    “I have it!”

    Erykah rushed into the room, a roll of parchment clutched in her hand.

    Melissa and Su glanced up from their seats.

    “Sorry, but what do you have, Erykah?” Su asked.

    “It’s probably something stupid,” Melissa said with a smirk.

    Erykah stuck her tongue out. “No! It’s not stupid. It’s a map!” She swept the coffee table clear, and unrolled the map across it.

    Su leaned forward and examined it. “What’s this a map of?”

    Erykah traced her finger over the map. “This is the Sawtooth Range. Over here is a small, remote valley known locally as The Cistern. And somewhere in there is nothing!”

    Melissa snorted. “You’re right, Erykah. That definitely sounds not stupid.”

    Erykah glared at her friend. “No, you don’t get it. This is a map to literally nothing!”

    Melissa rolled her eyes.

    “What do you mean by nothing?” Su asked.

    “There’s a hole in reality,” Erykah said.

    Melissa slowly turned back to the map. “A what?”

    “There’s a spot in The Cistern where nothing exists. I want to go investigate it. Like, it might be a dimensional portal. Or it might be a reality black hole. Like if we go into there, we might suddenly be erased from existence.”

    Su suddenly pushed back into her seat. “That…that doesn’t sound like something we should investigate.”

    “No, this sounds like exactly the kind of things we investigate!” Erykah countered. “And you need to be in on this investigation, Su!”

    “Why me?”

    “Because you’ve got true sight. Hopefully you should be able to see something in the nothing. Or why the nothing exists. Or something interesting that we can’t see.”

    Su looked back down at the map. “I don’t want to be erased from existence. And I won’t be happy if you get erased either, Erykah.”

    Melissa stood up with a sigh. “I’ll go talk to Sonja, see what she has to say about this. Erykah constantly has these ideas, and sometimes Sonja can talk some sense into her. At the very least, we’ll come up with some safety protocols to prevent us from being erased.”

    1. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      I smell a D&D campaign in progress, and now I want to see this Nowhere spot. Also is there a cult of Nowhere, or some form of this. Also the interplay is good as always and more genera break is always good.

  5. Anywhere
    By Derek McEldowney (Deviacon)

    I felt the dull jolt of impact run through my entire body. The smell of damp earth filled my lungs as I gasped to reclaim the breath that had been shaken from them.

    I opened my eyes to a cacophonous abyss painted every swirling color of the sky. Reflections of choices wafted through the air like leaves. Large chunks of earth stretched and spider webbed like roots in every direction; constantly growing, spreading, and crumbling before beginning again.

    “Where am I?” I sputtered, pulling myself to my feet.

    “Where do you think you are?” A cheery voice asked. I turned to find the small silhouette of a child. They looked as if they had been cut from the night sky, a crescent moon mouth waning and waxing in time with their speech.

    “I-I don’t know. How did I get here?”

    “How do you think you got here?”

    “I don’t fucking know!”

    “That—is exactly it.”

    “I don’t understand.”

    “Precisely. That sense of panicked desperation and confusion when you don’t know where you’re going or what you’re doing.”

    “Yeah?”

    The figure held out its arms, gesturing to all of its surroundings.

    “Oh….”

    “It’s not all bad, once you get acclimated to the idea you’ll never be acclimated to any of it.”

    “Helpful. Just gotta get control of this… situation.” I muttered.

    “Control is an illusion, you know that right?”

    “That’s bullshit.”

    “Chaos is the only true constant. And you can’t control chaos. But, if you have the right eye for it, and feel it out with consideration, you can navigate it, maybe even guide it in the direction you want.”

    “Isn’t that control?”

    “No, it’s symbiosis.”

    “Whatever.”

    “Could you hand me that rock at your feet?”

    “This one? Uh, Sure.” I passed the stone to them.

    “Would you say that I just controlled you?”

    “No, you asked me to do something.”

    “And you chose to help me. Symbiosis. Ya know there’s more room to move around if you go with the current instead of fighting against it just to stay stuck.”

    I sighed dreamily. “I guess the view isn’t so bad.”

    1. *squints at title*
      Ohhhh.

      Did you take inspiration from the phrase “Anywhere and Nowhere?” Very cool idea.

      Especially with the map not being a geographical direction but more like an instruction how to deal with this dimension.

      One small thing. I was confused by ur use of the word “cacophonous” which implies loud and discordant only to mention hushing voices after.

      In any case, a very curious story!

      1. That is a good point, cacophonous is a description of sound and I used it for sight for some reason lol.

    2. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      I love it when a small child challenges a character’s philosophical views. It’s always unexpected. The imagery of the story plays out like some wild fever dream and I wish I could see it with my own eyes instead of being left to my imagination.

  6. Cansas Wanderlust Avatar
    Cansas Wanderlust

    Nowhere, Know Where, No Hair
    By Cansas Wanderlust

    The wheels of the night bus rattled. City lights buzzed past the window.

    A man in a trench coat sat in the back, gazing into space.

    “Do you know where this bus is going?” He asked to no one in particular.

    A tall man beneath a top hat answered from the seat across. “No. where?”

    “He was asking if you know his hare,” said the little girl with a pig’s tail in her hair.

    A man wearing the boots of cowboys thought she was talking to him.

    “How’m I s’pposed ta know yer hare girl?”

    Two rows back a man whose head was bald sighed, “I know, no hair.”

    “Why don’t you just wear hair?” A man with circle glass eyes asked.

    “I know nowhere that sells hair for no haired heads.”

    The man with circle glass eyes smiled, “I know where to find a hair maker who makes hair no where else can make.

    The man wearing the boots of cowboys sighed heavily. “I’d never known, no man who wanted some hare on his no haired head.”

    The man in the trench coat suddenly shouted, “Does anyone know where this bus is going?”

    The tall man beneath the top hat looked over at him. “No. Where?”

    The man in the trench coat huffed and walked to the bus driver.

    “Do you know where this bus is going? Surly, you must have a map.”

    The bus driver gave a soft chuckle and said, “I’ve got no clue where this bus is going, son.”

    The man in the trench coat felt his face growing hot with rage. “Can I see the map?”

    The bus driver reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper.

    The man in the trench coat grabbed it. When it was unfolded, the map was bigger than he was, and it was completely blank.

    “What is this?”

    “Why, it’s a map.”

    “It’s empty. There’s nothing on it!”

    The bus driver looked at him, eyes like the sun. “Then what you should be asking, is do you know where you’re going, son.”

    1. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      Something about this story manages to perfectly capture the scene that is playing out. Whether it’s the absurdity of the situation or the comedic elements involved, I cannot say, but I can say that this is really well done. My only complaint is that the consistent line breaks make the story itself a bit tedious to read as it is all visually identical. Otherwise, I think the premise and execution of said premise were delightful, even if I got a little lost at times. (though I suspect that was on purpose). The final message of the story is very endearing as well and I feel as though the bus is some slightly magical entity that goes around the world helping people get through their lives. Something about the way the scenario plays out reminds me of that. Anyway, I loved the story, great job!

    2. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      This story plays out like one of my lucid dreams, where you’ve just realized you are in a completely surreal scenario and you forget to use dream logic to get your way out of whatever situation you’ve found yourself in. All the other characters are fully complacent with their roles and are confused when you don’t follow their pre-programmed ‘paths’ so to speak. The ending feels very much like a personification of the main character’s current state of mind and I imagine their mind concocted this dream to help the main character come to grips with his purpose in life.

      As usual, I’m probably reading further into this than the piece intended, but I can’t help myself from seeking deepest lore in most of these stories.

    3. DesOttsel Avatar
      DesOttsel

      This reads like a fever dream. The dialogue is ridiculous, and I’m not it would work out loud, but it looks like you had a lot of fun. The ending feels a little out of tone with the rest of it. It feels a little too guru. It might have been better as a question and little more conversational like. “Well, I don’t know, son. Do you know where you’re going?”

      Nonetheless, I like it a lot. It feels like a descent into madness.

  7. No Roads to Nowhere
    By PitL (In Collaboration with Twangyflame0 and Hemming Sebastian Bane)

    Multiversal Shipping Route 13, as it turned out, didn’t go anywhere.

    Wait. That came out wrong.

    It… didn’t go anywhere, it was true, but it didn’t exactly go Nowhere either. And wasn’t that a hell of a contradiction?

    The truck careened through the darkness. I leaned across the dash, eyes locked forward. Ronzhof’s voice screeched in my ear, tight and frantic.

    “What do you mean you want to try using the map? Damn it, Penny, I need that!”

    I just had to hang on. It would be alright.

    I pulled a scanner out of my pocket and leveled it towards the window. Nothing. It might help if I knocked it around a bit, made sure it wasn’t a misread –

    Penny hummed from the opposite end of the cab. “Huh. I wonder if this is Nowhere? We should shove the box out the back. It might be, after all.”

    “And what if it isn’t? I don’t want to get in trouble with Management…” Ronzhof muttered. “I’m already stuck on this circuit. I’m not sure how much lower you can go, but I definitely don’t want to find out.” He leaned back against the seat, squirming and trying to unfold the map without blocking the windshield.

    How long had it been since we had driven off into the darkness? It was difficult to remember – I’m not sure I wanted to.

    I slumped into the chair for a moment, and then steeled myself. “H – hey – ” I stuttered. “Lay off it, Nigel. We’ll be fine. We don’t even have a deadline… that we haven’t already missed, anyway. Let her have a turn with the map.”

    “As if you’re one to talk, Mark. We’re definitely going nowhere fast right now – and not in a good way.” I could feel his stare drilling into my head.

    I sighed. “Just give her the map. We’ll figure it out. It’ll be alright.”

    ‘We’ll figure it out.’

    I hope so, I thought, staring out into the abyss. I really hope so.

    1. Lari B.Haven Avatar
      Lari B.Haven

      This story has this late night feel about driving, but not sure exactly where.
      Sometimes you just find yourself following the flow trying to get somewhere.
      Great story Pit!

    2. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      I’d say this story is the most grounded of the collab submissions, adding a somber note to the group’s travels through the zany and cartoonish Multiverse on their way to Nowhere. Mark seems to be the level-headed one on the surface, but now I wonder if that is mainly due to his own anxiety. He clearly has doubts about the trip that he doesn’t share with the rest of the group.

  8. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “Highway to Nowhere”
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane (In collaboration with TwangyFlame0 and PitL)

    The truck zoomed through the portal, the sound of the engine changing as dirt became asphalt. Penny squinted as the purples of the portal turned to bright blue sky, green grass, and a yellow sun.

    “WHAT?”

    Penny jumped before sighing and glancing over to the man on the other side of the single cab. His eyes were wide with fear as he stared out.

    “Sleep well, Nigel?”

    Nigel chuckled. “You thought I fell asleep?”

    Penny shook her head in confusion. “Never mind then. How’s the box?”

    Suddenly, the cardboard box in Nigel’s lap shook. “Bacon! Feed me bacon!”

    Nigel hucked the box with a shout. It harmlessly bounced off the dashboard and into the face of the man sitting in the middle of the truck. The man fumbled the screaming object until it fell into his lap.

    Penny smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, Mark.”

    Mark rubbed the sleep from its eyes. “Nigel freak out again?”

    “You’re acting like a talking box that can eat anything is normal!”

    Penny shrugged. “I mean, with the Multiverse how it is, is anything really normal?”

    As if on cue, they heard a soft guitar starting to play a pattern. Nigel nearly jumped out of the truck.

    “What is THAT?!”

    “It’s an interlude. They’re pretty common in my world. It means someone’s about to sing.”

    Nigel went pale. “I can’t sing! Also, why does the sun have a face?”

    The music stopped and Penny slammed on brakes. “What?”
    Nigel pointed to the sky. Sure enough, the sun had a smiling face with two simple dots for eyes. Suddenly, the three heard a siren as a police car pulled behind them. Nigel dove under Penny’s feet.

    “What are you doing?”

    “Not getting arrested, that’s what!”

    Suddenly, a jaunty tune started as someone knocked on the window. Standing there was an anthropomorphic weasel in a police cap and shades. Penny rolled down the window.

    “Papers?~” the weasel sang.

    Penny looked at Mark, who shrugged.

    “Actually, we’re headed to Nowhere.~”

    The weasel nodded. “Left on Main Street. You can’t miss it!~”

    “Thank you!~” Penny waved as she drove into town.

    1. Lari B.Haven Avatar
      Lari B.Haven

      The concept of multiverse traveling with a semi-sentient object cannot be unfunny. And for sure this story was hilarious.
      Nothing like popping on a cartoon universe on top of that.

    2. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      I love how you introduce us to this world that seems to grow zanier by the second! Nigel seems to be the only one affected by the obvious strangeness of the universe they’ve traveled to, making me wonder if this might be his first time traveling the Multiverse. If so, I’m sure his anxiety won’t be soothed any time soon.

  9. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
    ThatWeirdFish

    Empty Co-ordinates (Tales from Alsuria)
    By ThatWeirdFish

    Dresden looked at the co-ordinates for the third time. “Are you sure this is where we’re going?”

    “Aye.” Said Marx. “It’s what she gave us.”

    Dresden cast a glance at their passenger. She stood in the corner of the cockpit, her blaster rifle cradled in her arms. He could feel her stern gaze through the dark visor of her helmet.

    “But there is nothing there on the map.” He whispered to Marx as he punched in the co-ordinates.

    “I think that’s the point, sonny boy,” Marx whispered back. “Co-ordinates set. Ready for jump speed.” Marx announced as he readied the ship.

    The Comet gave her usual complaining routine before gaining speed. With a lurch, the ship entered the jump stream. Time passed in relative silence. Eventually, curiosity pushed Dresden to ask questions.

    “So… what’s your name, stranger?”

    “… Conor.” She said hesitantly.

    “Why do you-hey!” He rubbed the shoulder, where Marx smacked him.

    “No questions were part of the deal, sonny boy.” The aging captain gave Conor an apologetic nod.

    “I was just trying to make conversation.” Dresden protested. More unbearable silence.

    As they eased out of jump space, a massive debris field surrounding an unknown planet appeared before them. Pieces of warships and astroids hung as floating tombstones to the battle’s dead. They coasted, gently dodging obstacles until they reached the co-ordinates.

    Conor stepped forward between the two smugglers and stared out the viewport to the planet below. “Land there.” She said.

    “Ya sure about that, miss?” Marx asked. “It doesn’t look like none live there.” The nod from her blaster rifle was all the answer he needed.

    As they prepared their descent, a large ship suddenly appeared from jump space above them.

    “GFV Atlas to transport ship UTCV Comet,” blared a metallic voice through the coms. “Cease your decent and prepare to be boarded. Surrender fugitive 0936 or be terminated.”

    Dresden swore sharply. That’s why Conor was secretive- She had an enemy bounty. “Punch it!” Marx snapped.

    “Hold on!” Dresden yelled as they dived into the atmosphere.

    Light.

    Scream.

    Crash.

    “Welcome…” Conor gasped above Dresden, “to nowhere, kid.”

  10. Twangyflame0 Avatar
    Twangyflame0

    Backroads to Nowhere
    By Twangyflame0(In collaboration with Hemming Sebastian Bane and PitL)

    Nigel shakily held that map as they moved through the new area. Penny and Mark heeded nothing around, but Nigel knew better. He could see the danger all around them. Even though they had been hopping across dimensions, these plants were unnatural. No! They were dangerous beyond a doubt!

    Penny simply plucked some fruit off of a bright pink plant. It was quite plump and juicy, before Nigel quickly slapped it out of her hand.

    She simply gave him a look, “Really?”

    “We don’t know what anything is! And if we don’t know what it is, we shouldn’t touch it!”

    “But that’s… basically everything.” Penny tilted her head, her small brain quite confused.

    “That is exactly why I have the map and I am leading us through this hellscape.”

    “I don’t know, I’m not getting anything dangerous on the scans.” Mark said, looking around the brightly colored forest.

    “WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT TOUCHING THINGS!!” He was about ready to tear his hair out. “LET’S JUST GET BACK IN THE TRUCK AND GET OUT OF HERE!”

    His screams caused something in the bushes to run away. He pointed wildly, “See! See what I mean!”

    “Ugh, I can’t even listen to some nice nature walking tunes with all your screaming.” Penny said as she started to walk back, “If I sit in the truck, will you stop?”

    “Yes, because we’ll be able to get to Nowhere faster via this route!” Nigel said, his voice close to shouting.

    “I honestly don’t see the problem you got with this place, Nigel. It’s pretty alright.” Mark smiled at all the bright flora around him. “I wouldn’t mind taking a few samples for–”

    “HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THE MISSION!? HAS THIS WORLD SEDUCED YOU WITH ITS GAUDY AESTHETIC?! HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN OUR MISSION TO DELIVER THE–”

    “Don’t worry, I haven’t.” Mark said calmly, rejoining them, “I’m just a bit sad I couldn’t research this world. I guess it’s just instinct.”

    As the truck drove off a very tiny, bright blue bunny looked as they drove away… before being swallowed whole by the ground itself.

    1. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      I just knew someone would post a prompt where the objective is actually to get to nowhere, and apparently, Nigel’s party listened to reason just in time. I feel for that poor bunny, but I’m almost positive it would be something truly terrifying if we were to look at it further. I like that we get to see Nigel’s fears realized, while the rest of the group thinks that he just ruined their fun.

      On to the nitpicky bit. I think you intended to write, Has the world seduced you with its gaudy aesthetic, but you just forgot to write “with”

      Other than that, It’s a solid piece with a great stinger at the end. Kudos to you!

    2. Lari B.Haven Avatar
      Lari B.Haven

      Nigel it’s such a overstressed mom character and I’m loving it.
      It’s really annoying when you need to do something but people’s keep getting distracted along the way.
      And also their reactions are hilarious.

    3. GJFuller Avatar
      GJFuller

      Poor Nigel…
      His tense anxiety was giving ME a headache 😀
      I really feel for the poor dude. You did a really good job making me feel the tension in Nigel and the nonchalant enjoyment felt by his companions. It’s one of those instances where everything looks fine and beautiful and inviting, but there’s this one overly cautious person who is very wary.
      Good job. Nice to see a collab between you guys! 😀

  11. Isa Dragon Avatar
    Isa Dragon

    A Simple Mistake.
    By IsaDragon337

    “No, NO!” he snarled at the map. “Water but not Doors, and not the Histories either!” He spun, scattering papers of carefully translated documents.

    “Maybe—”

    He rushed back over, eyes flashing in the candlelight. He traced a rune, and flipped a heavy dictionary open.

    “Perhaps…‘entrance’? but then… locks. Locks need keys, to keep things…” He stared directly into the candle flame for a moment. Whatever answers he was seeking, he did not find in its depths.

    “…Light. I hear your call.” He cooed, chapped lips near enough to burn.

    He tore his eyes from the flickering flame, and lurched to the sagging shelf of research materials.

    “Key key key… metaphorical key is risky but necessary, perhaps—”

    He raised a necklace, strung with yellowed human teeth. It glittered as it swung, and he discarded it just as fast for a scrap of paper. He exhaled, touching the single sentence written there with trembling fingers. The secret that inspired his journey.

    “This. I… I could use this.”

    He staggered back to the map, pushing aside tomes to clear the surface.

    By luck, the moon was dark tonight as described on the map. He had studied the pieces, he had solved this puzzle. All that was left to do was perform the ritual.

    The lines were drawn with a fine white sand, and he knelt on the table before the Lantern’d Eye.

    “A sacrifice…” he whispered. “In the name of the Light, to open the way.”

    He knelt, and whispered a forbidden secret.

    The candles, the lantern, the electric lights in the rest of the building, suddenly flared white-hot, and the cultist covered his eyes with a cry.

    With a sudden thud, they all blew out.

    Trembling, the cultist looked around at the complete darkness. He murmured a spell.

    The expected ball of light failed to form. No, not failed. The darkness swallowed it whole.

    ~~~

    An eyeless dog nudged open the door of the basement. She sniffed the air, and set out to find something to eat. The Abyss was a very empty place to live, she was glad to be out.

    1. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      I really liked the frantic madman rambling nature of the main character and it kind of makes me want to write a similar character in another prompt. Of course, I’ve always been partial to deranged characters. I feel like they hold a sort of unique wisdom in their madness. Unfortunately for this cultist, it seems that his spell didn’t go as planned.

      Here’s hoping the eldritch doggo gets something nice and fleshy to eat…

    2. Cansas Wanderlust Avatar
      Cansas Wanderlust

      This was a really well written piece! I could see the scene playing out in front of me on the screen inside my head. It also felt very whole. There wasn’t any information that I felt was lacking. I obviously have questions, but good questions, questions that make me want to keep reading. And this mad cultist dude was written extremely well. Certain words you chose really brought both the cultist and his actions to life. Hats off to you Isa!

  12. DesOttsel Avatar
    DesOttsel

    Travelling Inward
    by Gage Jarman

    The man was skittish. Michael’s eyes were not unlike those of a squirrel’s, darting around to catch any possible threat. He had been laying on the couch, drinking a PBR, when they called his numbers for the powerball, but his familiar dwelling was gone.

    Sparse oil lanterns hung in a path through the dark forest. The orbs of light illuminated the trunks of massive trees which disappeared into the black expanse above. An arrow of mushrooms pointed forward. Michael looked at the nothingness behind, turned, and followed the lanterns.

    He felt light. Walking was almost effortless even though he was thoroughly out of shape. He had the gut to prove it. Even still, he practically floated along the mossy forest floor littered with cedar needles and lined with ferns.

    The forest floor faded into large stone slabs. The stones were polished until they were glass still water. Michael almost thought he could dive into them if it wasn’t for their faint seams. He continued through the arboreal pillars, watching the lanterns pass, reflected in the smooth stone.

    A staircase rose out of the forest. The canopy concealed the summit, but warm light glowed over the edges. The sounding of drums, the roar of people celebrating with abandon, the pop of fireworks rolled over the stairs. Michael climbed. The summit had a pull. He felt warm, peaceful, exhilarated.

    Before the man was a festival. There were stands with meats and drinks and bells and charms and trinkets and games. Music played from somewhere deeper, but they were not human. The beings looked like the heavens, stars and nebulas suspended in black nothingness. Michael watched them for a while, not knowing what to do. He took a step backwards. A blob formed at his feet before a being rose up from it.

    “Welcome Michael. It’s been sometime since you were last here, almost 32 years, but we’re glad you’re back. No, no, it’s alright. You’re not actually here, and most don’t remember their visits. You didn’t. Nonetheless, enjoy bliss while you can. You won’t stay; after all, no emotion ever lasts.”

    1. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      The possibilities of your life changing in an instant are slim, but never impossible. Michael was so blown away by his sudden windfall that he entered into a new dimension! I imagine he’s had a rough go of life, so actually finding something good in it is enough to make his emotions spin.

      I really like the line where the creatures of the bliss festival tell Michael that most don’t remember their visits, likely because bliss is an emotion that you don’t experience as often in the world compared to simple contentment or restlessness. It’s nearly impossible to find yourself in that glorious nowhere of bliss and once you experience it, it disappears all too soon and you can no longer grasp the feeling you once had.

      A thought-provoking surreal story and well written to boot! Excellent job Des!

  13. Get In, Loser
    by Astrid Jones

    A horn honked as a dirty Ford Ranger pulled into Darla’s driveway. She peeked through the blinds and huffed, recognizing the vehicle and its driver. She had told him she didn’t want to do anything or see anyone, yet here he was. Why couldn’t he just listen to her for once?

    “What do you want?” she asked, stepping onto the porch to meet Carl as he bounded up her front steps.

    “Is that any way to greet your best friend? Why, Darla, I’m positively wounded.” Carl clutched at his chest in mock agony.

    She felt the corners of her mouth lift slightly. “You’re so dramatic.”

    “There’s that smile. I knew you still had one.”

    Darla crossed her arms and turned away, uncomfortable that he had pointed it out. Had it really been that long since she’d smiled?

    “Well, come on. Let’s go!” Carl grabbed her hand and tugged her toward the truck. She followed a few paces before pulling free.

    “I said I wanted to be alone.”

    Carl turned to face her, suddenly serious. “You said that three weeks ago. You haven’t talked to me in days.” He put his hands on his hips. “Now get in, loser. We’re going driving.”

    It was no use arguing with him. Darla knew her friend was stubborn, and she didn’t have the energy to put up a fight. Besides, she admitted to herself as she belted in, she’d missed him.

    “So, where are we going?” she asked.

    “Do we have to be going somewhere?” Carl looked over at her as they pulled out of the driveway. “Just relax and enjoy the journey.”

    1. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      It’s one thing to have a map to nowhere and quite another when the map IS nowhere! What stands out as interesting to me is the reason why Darla wants to be alone in the first place. What kind of falling out did the two friends have, forcing Darla to avoid him for 3 weeks straight. Another possibility is that Carl is trying to help Darla out of a depressive slump. The line, “There’s that smile, I knew you still had one.” might confirm this.

      I do have one nitpick. I believe you meant to write Carl turned to face her, rather than tuned. Other than that, I like the energy of this story.

      1. Ah! Thank you for catching that. It is indeed supposed to be “turned”. I shall fix it.

    2. Isa Dragon Avatar
      Isa Dragon

      It’s fun, speaking as an introvert, to sometimes have someone show up and demand your presence. It has a way of making someone feel valued. It’s really cute how much Carl cares for Darla, enough to make sure she’s getting people contact. It’s also telling that he doesn’t check that she’s actually in need of it, and just assumes she is closing herself off from everyone because she’s not talking to him.
      …that’s probably me reading too much into it.
      One tiny thing that I somehow noticed- A lot of your sentences have the same structure, two clauses joined by an ‘as’ or an ‘and’ or another word, and it can make the reading feel a little monotonous.
      I also really like the way you sometimes jump directly into Darla’s thoughts with rhetorical questions. It gives us a peak at her emotions.
      All in all, a well-written creative take on the prompt- who needs a map if nowhere is your destination, after all?

      1. I am very bad about the two clause sentences. I won’t even try to deny that. Thank you for pointing it out!

    3. PixieWings Avatar
      PixieWings

      Is…is this a mean girls reference? Because that’s amazing.

      Beyond the title grabbing Junior High Pixie by the ears, this is a super cute little piece. I like that on reading it a second time, Carl’s actually being very gentle with Darla. He’s not holding her isolating against her, but he’s also not enabling it. I would have liked to know what Darla was so upset about that she drew away from her friends, but as it stands, this is lovely little bite sized friendship. Great work Astrid!

    4. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLSKN

      Tagback review!

      This is great, Astrid. I have some nitpicks, but theres nothing technically wrong here. I didn’t notice the lack of dialogue tags until I went looking for them. Great job!

      Nitpicks:
      The opening line gives us, the audience, more info than Darla has. It’s not bad, just a bit of a chicken or egg situation. Do you want the mystery to pull us through the tale (who is it) or the suspense (her knowing more than we do)?
      Your ending fizzles a bit. I suspect the word count played a roll here. Maybe be aware of it in the future though.
      Darla doesn’t seem to have much agency. She just sort of goes along without any reason not to, despite her claims. This is probably the weakest nitpick, but I think it’s worth mentioning.

    5. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      Carl is a good friend if not a stubborn one. He is very compassionate and caring in his own, kind of rude, way. I can understand wanting to be alone, but everything comes to an end, even being alone. You can’t hide forever. Though I’m curious why Darla felt the need to hide. Was there a specific incident or possibly just seasonal depression? Does she do this normally or is this out-of-the-blue for her? I’m very curious about this now. Very well done, Astrid.

  14. The Assassin Avatar
    The Assassin

    Alone on an Endless Road
    By TheAssassin

    A man wearied by walking a long road stopped upon his journey. He looked first to his feet, weathered by his march. He looked then to his clothes, dirtied by his hike. He looked finally around him and found he knew not where he stood.

    How long ago did this trek begin, he wondered as the night sky shimmered. He looked to the distant horizon and noticed spears of golden radiance pierce the darkness. First, the man smiled, drinking of the beauty, yet this smile soon faded to the frown he so often wore. How many of these sunrises did he see? How many did he remember? None, he thought. For all the surrounding beauty, he remembered only his aching feet and the dirty road on which he marched.

    How many gorgeous sights did he miss as he walked? How long had he walked? He could not remember starting this journey, nor could he even remember why. Where did this road lead and why did he want to arrive?

    Suddenly, the man’s heart ached. So much time lost and he couldn’t even remember why. Haunted by the shadow of yesterday, standing before the corpse of tomorrow stilled the man’s once beating heart of today. A suffocating pressure constricting the chest, a void into which all things fall.

    The man cried out in agony!

    When did tomorrow grow so gloomy? Another day dragging his body across an endless road to a destination he did not know. Another day of throbbing feet, burning legs, and a heavy heart.

    Did any even care where he was going? Who in this life loved him? Did he love any? The man could not remember, and this thought crippled him. Did he spend so long walking that he let slip those for whom he cared?

    He wanted again to laugh and love; to feel the passions of life. Yet these things seemed so distant.

    He was alone, lost on an endless road.

    The man wept.

    If only someone still walked with me, he thought, then I wouldn’t feel so alone.

    If only someone still loved me…

    1. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      This feels very much like the journey of a depressed man within his own thoughts. He’s weathered from the turbulence of the world he lives in and those scars cut deep. They spread like an infection to his heart, his soul of souls, and all he can do is cry out in agony for the life he used to know. His happiness lost to memory, he wanders alone and forgotten. Such a sad story, but so well written.

    2. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLSKN

      Tagback review!

      The premise is interesting and calls to mind ideas espoused in Lonesome Road by Gorilla Rodeo and twists them into a head-in-the-sand revelation about beauty in the world. Your descriptors are metaphorical and your characterization of his anguish and depression are beautiful. Your use of an inverted pathetic fallacy (reflecting the character’s mindset by describing the surroundings) was really well executed.

      I think your prose could use some focus. Your first sentence really set the tone, but it can be read a couple different ways: “A man wearied by walking a long road stopped upon his journey.”
      A man stopped . The propositional phrase is the part that threw me. ‘Upon his journey’ suggests he will resume it after this moment of pause. ‘Upon’ may not even be the right word to use here; a journey is a noun, but only because it’s a concept. ‘Upon’ is a very physical preposition and I’d suggest the nitpickiness of rethinking your prepositions and checking them for vagueness.

      Hope this helps!

    3. Cansas Wanderlust Avatar
      Cansas Wanderlust

      Talk about a metaphorical gut punch. This whole piece reeks of depression. The moment of happiness as the man took in the sunrise, (which was described beautifully by the way. I mean, spears of golden radiance, just gorgeous.) then having the overwhelming despair crash over him again.

      And that scream. You built up tension with this part

      “Haunted by the shadow of yesterday, standing before the corpse of tomorrow stilled the man’s once beating heart of today. A suffocating pressure constricting the chest, a void into which all things fall.”

      Then you let the man cry out. That one sentence “The man cried out in agony!” after the part that build up. was so powerful.

      I’ve felt (and still do feel) every part of this man’s journey. I could feel the same ache, the same sense of existential panic, the same loneliness and wondering of why. You nailed the feeling and put it into words. Phenomenal work!

    4. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Wow, definitely a perfect use of the prompt! This feels more like a “going nowhere” story than any of the others I’ve read so far. It’s weighs heavy, but that definitely fits.

      Favorite lines:

      “How long ago did this trek begin, he wondered as the night sky shimmered. He looked to the distant horizon and noticed spears of golden radiance pierce the darkness.”–Beautiful image!!

      “For all the surrounding beauty, he remembered only his aching feet and the dirty road on which he marched.”–I think this is one of the best descriptors here. I like Insania’s interpretation of this being about depression, and I think this line especially works if their interpretation is correct. That when you’re in that place, sure there’s beauty, but it’s fleeting and fades…what you’re left with is just the endless act of marching.

      “Haunted by the shadow of yesterday, standing before the corpse of tomorrow”–especially that second image…chef’s kiss.

      “Another day of throbbing feet, burning legs, and a heavy heart.”–i always love sensory details.

      The only critique i might have is about the line “The man cried out in agony!” It feels…tell-y to me? Or perhaps melodramatic? Personally I’ve found, in a written piece, it’s hard to use exclamation marks in something that isn’t dialogue, and have it feel right. In the rest of the piece I really feel his agony, you build up the weight of it well so the reader really feels it. Then there it feels like you’re telling us he’s in agony rather than showing us, and it kinda messes with the tone a bit, in my opinion. Later, “The man wept” works well, I think. It feels much more that it’s an action, the climax of what’s going on.
      That’s a very small critique though, and maybe it’s just me! Overall it’s a great piece!!

      P.S. Thanks again for reading my stories on the discord!! You really made my week!!

    5. DesOttsel Avatar
      DesOttsel

      This is such a good allegory for life passing him by, and now he’s trapped in the mundanity of life, and he doesn’t know how he got there or how to get out. It’s a good concept, but I think the prose really makes it. I think third person limited was a good choice because hearing someone say they want to laugh and love in a characters voice sounds awkward because no one talks like that.

  15. PixieWings Avatar
    PixieWings

    At Some Point, The Pencil Snaps
    By PixieWings

    Everyday, I wake to the walls.

    They’re soft off-beige, calming and bland, and there’s a radio speaker in one corner where they join, but no door.

    “Do something,” says the voice over the speaker.

    I used to draw.

    I would take my pad and my pencil and sit, hours on end, running one over the other. Sometimes the lines were broad and fast. Other times they were slow, detailed meticulously to perfection. The motion and the making. This is what I’d spend my life on, I’d say.

    I did.

    For a while.

    At some point the pencil snapped.

    “Do something else,” says the voice over the speaker.

    I used to play.

    The stringed ones were my favorite. The sharp, pleasant sting of the wire against my fingers. The vibrant twangs they would make. The noise made me nervous, as if I would be caught, but there was a thrill in being too loud, in being noticed. This time for sure, I’d say to myself.

    I did.

    But the sound faded.

    Now it’s quiet.

    “Do something,” says the voice over the speaker, “or this is all you will have.”

    I used to write.

    I would grab the things I knew from inside, and they would flood the page. Things I remembered, but different. Things I had felt, but not quite. There was a power in that. A reinvention of myself. I knew it, I’d say, I had always known.

    I did.

    But I hadn’t known anything.

    Now even the words are gone.

    “You have to begin,” says the voice over the speaker.

    Today, I connect the dots. I place a pinprick of ink on the floor. Then I trace a line to the next one. And then the next. It’s easy. It feels good.

    But they don’t make a picture.

    “Do something with your life,” says the voice over the speaker. “Do anything.”

    So I trace another line.

    1. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      Life, the true map to nowhere. This piece speaks to me much deeper than you can imagine, especially now. All our lives, that speaker in our heads screams at us to do something, anything to while away the hours we have on this earth, but it’s never enough. Eventually, all the passion drifts away to the unknown portions of our minds. They become broken, silent, incomplete pictures that never see anything more than a dusty closet. My review is possibly a more grim interpretation than you intended the story to be, but such is my mind. Nevertheless, it is an excellent story.

    2. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Wow, Pixie, this piece is beautiful. You’ve really captured what life feels like sometimes, doing task after task, something after something, and sometimes it just doesn’t work for you anymore. The first person narration and short paragraphs really help get that idea across. Overall, Pixie, this piece is very impactful and I am glad to have read it. Great job!

    3. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Oh gosh, I love this. I really relate too. I mean, less in the sense of picking up many trades, I have dedicated much of my life to writing… but often times I’m still afraid I’m not doing what I should be doing, or enough, with my life. Often times the words disappear for me too and…yeah, I relate. (I even contemplated writing a story similar to this, and I think you captured the idea better than I would have XD)
      The juxtaposition of hope and despair in this piece is especially accurate and well written.

      I’m curious if this was a personal piece for you? It seems like it could be. If not, kudos kudos, you portrayed this feeling extremely accurately.

      The idea of the speaker is quite interesting. I’m curious what it’s meant to represent. If it’s the narrator’s own internal voices, telling them to continue (be those voices positive or negative, or a bit of both), or if they’re the world’s expectations of the narrator that they should do something with their life? Or something else?

      Especially as someone who likes repetition, I’m a big fan of the way you structured this. I think it was incredibly powerful.
      And those descriptions of each of the professions? Absolutely gorgeous writing. They actually made me tear up when I reread them more carefully. Just beautiful, amazing descriptions that made me really feel what it feels like when you’re doing those things.
      Usually when I write my reviews I’ll pick some of my favorite lines, but if I tried to do that here, I’d seriously just copy and paste the whole thing. No joke.

      My only critique/question would be…what made you decide to put the line “At some point, the pencil snaps” as the title? That was an incredible line, that takes the piece in a different direction if you don’t see it coming…but personally I think using it as the title takes some of its power away? So yeah, personally I might pick something else as the title, something a little more mysterious, though I currently don’t have any recommendations for you.

      Anyways, absolutely marvelous piece. I’m so glad I’m jumped on to read today and saw this. I really hope Benji reads it on the stream, it deserves it.

      1. PixieWings Avatar
        PixieWings

        Thank you so much. I’m so, so glad this piece spoke to you and that you enjoyed it. ^^

        This was definitely a personal one. It’s kind of me wrestling with being a person who tries to make art and doesn’t always succeed, then handing it off to the reader as a “Maybe you feel this way too” kind of thing.

        In that vein, I think there’s a lot of different things the speaker could represent, and I think it’s more about what the reader takes from it. So I dunno if I have one exact answer for you. Whether you see it as an internal voice, or an external force, or whatever else, I think those are all super cool and valid ways of viewing it.

        I can def see what you mean with the title. When I name these tiny blurb submissions, I usually try to think of something that sums up the piece in some way? Almost like a thesis statement, but fun. xD That line was what I felt the piece was about, as a whole. But I can def see how naming it that exact line would take away from the actual beat in the story proper for you. I’ll think on that for next time.

        Again, thank you so much for the comment. It means a lot. ^^

        1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
          i-prefer-the-term-antihero

          😀 <3 <3

          Ahh that's nice to hear!! Well, not nice to hear that you go through these sad feelings, but I think stories are more powerful when they're personal, so it's kind of nice to hear when a piece really meant something to the author.
          And, yup, this reader at least definitely feels that way too.

          The ambiguity of it kinda makes it better, honestly!! This is one of those pieces that the reader should really be able to put themselves in, so the more ambiguous it is, i suppose the better!!

          I liked this piece so much I read it to some other folks, and one of them thought at the end the protagonist would draw the speaker and write the words "Do something," and that the story would end up being recursive. Which I thought was a super interesting idea. Then I was thinking it'd also be interesting if they crossed out the speaker, or wrote the speaker saying something more encouraging. I'm curious, what do you think of those ideas? What made you decide to end it where you did?

          I do that too!! Yeah, I do think that line does sum up what's going on well! But at the same time since it's a direct line it does take something away from the line in the story proper, at least for me. I'm trying to think if there's a way you could use that idea, but not the actual line? Not quite sure.

          You're welcome!! I'm really glad it meant something to you. Thanks for your response, it made me happy!! <3

          1. PixieWings Avatar
            PixieWings

            Ahhhhhhh, I’m really grateful this piece spoke to you! c:

            I think the continuation ideas are both super cool. I think where the story goes from here really does depend on the reader and how they view what’s going on.

            For me as the writer, there were two reasons why the ending is the way it is. One is the ambiguity of it, so that the reader can fill in the blanks with their own thoughts and experiences. The other is, without getting too much into my own personal stuff, I’ve had a lot of my directions in life not pan out the way I’d hoped they would. And as much as I’d like for making things to be my refuge from that…making things is hard? xD So some days all you can do is do some laundry, make dinner, and be a person. All you can do is connect the dots. And that’s depressing and frustrating. But it’s also okay.

            For the title line, I can def see what you mean. Something that had harkened back to the line in the story, rather than just repeated it, probs would’ve given the same effect without detracting from the story.

            Thank you for engaging with this piece as much as you have. Like honestly. I’m repeating myself but it means a lot.

            1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
              i-prefer-the-term-antihero

              😀 <3

              Yay!! That's true.

              Ahhh that makes a lot of sense!! Yeah, reading it that way, I think your ending was a lot more realistic and more relatable. I too have had plenty of times where I wanted making things to be my refuge but it was hard. Very true.

              😀

              You're welcome!! No, no, I appreciate hearing it!! <3

    4. Lari B.Haven Avatar
      Lari B.Haven

      I really love the mood with this piece. It’s something you are really good with. Your meta/contemplative pieces are always so effective in relating to a certain feeling.
      Keep the great work Pixie!

  16. GJFuller Avatar
    GJFuller

    Tales from the Infinite Hallway: Surprise for Marshall
    By Giovanna J. Fuller

    “Can’t you-?”

    “Nope!”

    “Not even a-”

    “It would ruin the surprise!” Angela gave a pout that would have been adorable on a five year-old, but just looked ridiculous on her. Still, it worked on Marshall. He crossed his arms, gave a frustrated sigh, but stayed quiet.

    Angela turned and knocked on an oak tree three times, paused, and then kicked it twice. The tree split in two, leading to a crack that she wriggled through. He watched her disappear and dragged his feet to the other side of the narrow doorway and frowned. She wasn’t there. He walked back to where he had seen Angela slip away and cautiously approached the opening.

    Like a bullet from a gun, a hand shot forth from the crack. “Marshall…join me….” Angela’s echoing voice came to him as the hand opened and closed as though it were a mouth speaking.

    “No. I’m not going into the strange tree.”

    “Why not?” The hand mouthed. He heard a grunt and Angela poked her head back through the crack. ”We rode out of New York on a bus full of trolls, gone through the Statue of Liberty’s Toe, had to pay off the pixie mafia, and NOW you’re chickening out on me?”

    Marshall snapped. “We’re in the middle of NOWHERE! I’ve been FARTED on by trolls, tackled by security, stepped in a puddle of who-knows-what, and I don’t even want to mention what the pixies made me do.” He shuddered. “Tell me where that leads or I’m going home!”

    Angela frowned. “It’s a-”

    “That’s it!” Marshall threw up his hands and began to stalk off. However, before he could walk away, Angela grabbed the back of his collar and yanked him through the tree.

    In an instant, Marshall found himself in a place full of music and multi-colored lights. There was the sound of laughter and the occasional explosion.

    He saw a sign that read ‘Wizard’s Magic Wonder and Amusement Park’.

    “Surprise!” Angela raised her arms in front of the sign. “Happy Birthday!”

    The mortal couldn’t keep from smiling.

    1. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      An interesting thing about a map to nowhere is that someone, somewhere actually knows where it leads. Such is the case with Angela. It’s cute that she’s trying to hide this surprise from Marshall like there’s absolutely nothing wrong with clambering into a strange tree. To Marshall, it’s as if he’s been led to an empty void with horrors beyond mortal understanding when all Angela wanted to do was give him a birthday present. It’s a very nice and curious story overall.

    2. Lari B.Haven Avatar
      Lari B.Haven

      There’s always something funny about how Angela just takes this poor man into her adventures sometimes without his complete permission. But at the same time he seems to have fun with it.
      And can I just say that Angela trying to hide the surprise from him it’s just the sweetest thing ever.
      Great story GJ!

    3. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      D’aaaawwww, this is so cute. Though I can completely understand Marshall’s frustration. Being forced to go from place to place to place and generally having a bad time is awful. Angela’s brand of fun doesn’t always work for Marshall, though I’m glad she is trying to make it up. I just hope she realizes that there is only so much wackiness Marshall can take and that she maybe considers doing things he likes. Their relationship would up strange if they constantly did what Angela wanted. Very well done, GJ.

  17. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    The Ambush
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    “We’re approaching the location, Knight Vanessa!”

    “Not so loud, Keaton?”

    “Right, sorry…” Keaton mumbled.

    From behind them, Renee growled. “For the last time, we don’t need some stupid amulet to beat Grathorn. We can just fill him with arrows and stab wounds and, uh, soot.”

    “Renee!” Vanessa gasped. “Any leverage we can obtain over Grathorn is a valuable asset!”

    “So some weird guy’s story and a pricy piece of paper count as ‘leverage’ now? This all feels like—”

    A crossbow bolt thudded into the tree trunk right next to her head.

    “…a trap.”

    The three adventurers formed a defensive triangle, Vanessa drawing her sword, Renee knocking an arrow, Keaton’s hands cradling orbs of fire.

    Six hooded figures emerged from the trees. Vanessa recognized the badges on their cloaks: Yelvetrow Bandit Guild. All but one pointed crossbows at them. The oddball, their leader, stepped forward with a grin.

    “Silly travelers, you’ve walked right into—”

    “We get it!” Vanessa exclaimed. “Now leave us be, or perish.”

    “Oh, cutting to the chase, are we?” the lead bandit stepped forward. “Well, I guess my men and I will have to,” he pulled a whip covered in spikes from his belt, “make this quick.”

    ~~~

    The battle was over in approximately three minutes.

    “The amulet was fake…” Vanessa said solemnly.

    “Well, obviously,” Renee took a throwing dagger from a dead bandit’s belt. “I guessed it was a scam going in, but I knew you wouldn’t listen, so…”

    “Ugh! How are we going to defeat Grathorn now?” Vanessa sat down on a fallen log with a thud.

    “If I may,” Keaton piped up from across the path. “People are quite flammable, and Grathorn IS a person. Just a thought.”

    Vanessa sighed. “Okay. Cremation it is. If we somehow get through all of his guards without dying.”

    “Pessimism isn’t a good look on you, oh honorable knight,” Renee mocked, tossing her new dagger between her hands with a smile.

    Vanessa chose not to comment. “Can we at least kill the guy who scammed us?”

    “Oh, absolutely,” Keaton’s fingers flared with flames.

    The trio headed back to town.

    1. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      Looks like the bandit’s trap backfired quite spectacularly, clearly underestimating the strength of their quarry. I love the pure arrogance of the lead bandit right before the break to let us know that he was just another corpse on the pile, no mention of how he fought compared to the rest of his group, or if he even had a chance to hold his own. I love how darkly comedic that is.

    2. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      I really like the humor of this piece. The characters are lighthearted and even though they find themselves in what could be a very dramatic trap, the situation is handled humorously and I personally enjoyed it very much. I think this piece works because of the characters. Even the brief glimpse the story provides, they are likable and enjoyable to read. Overall, I find this to be a very lighthearted and digestible read that definitely lightened my mood. Great job!

    3. PixieWings Avatar
      PixieWings

      This is super fun! Your characters bouncing off each other is such a delight to read, and it works really well for giving us who these people are in a very short amount of words. Vanessa’s the motivated one, Renee’s sort of smarmy, and Keaton’s a little excitable and out there. And pulling that off with three characters, plus a bite sized adventure plot in 350 words isn’t easy! I def think you succeeded. It feels like I just walked by someone’s in progress D&D game in written form. Wonderful work!

    4. Lari B.Haven Avatar
      Lari B.Haven

      A great take in map to nowhere!
      Having a sure thing, but in the end being utterly useless to the quest. It’s also really funny! I loved how Vanessa and Renne bounced out each other

  18. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
    RVMPLSTLSKN

    Map to Nowhere
    By RVMPLSTLSKN

    Vienas sat in the lifeless library and breathed deep. She tasted the staleness of vellum and paper and ink, smelled the decay of dry knowledge.

    It was night, but not dark, not for her. It was the strangest aspect of her sightlessness. She would get glimpses—there is no better word for it—of red-yellow light when warmth from the sun or Everflame touched her, but darkness was an absence of light and she existed without either.

    A nightbird howled.

    She sat in reverie. Padas was sleeping. The birds were calling. It was night.

    How simple her life was now. How primal. Before, as the goddess of Ziniu, she was respected and listened to, like a mistress of her own land and prophetess of city gossip. She’d been like sea—though the comparison made her shudder now—powerful and beautiful.

    Now she lingered like a revenant among the scrolls she once read, memorized. A memory herself.

    She would die without Padas and so she made his life as carefree as she could. She carried water and hunted the once-green eggs among the ruined structures of the high city.

    Not much had been left. Guineas once intended for the priesthood now ran feral through the streets. They were vicious things and Padas had given her a stick in case they attacked her. She’d killed one with it, but mostly it was useful for extending her senses. She could feel the vibrations of things it touched and she used it to, well, to see a little further.

    That’s how she said it. She found herself stymied by the verbiage of her condition. She was the high priestess of Ziniu, God of Knowledge and Language and she’d stepped into a condition for which there were no appropriate verbs. She saw with her hands; looked with a blank, sightless gaze; and the only words to color her existence were profane.

    There were no words to help her understand her new world. No experience for the loss of a sense. The most basic of senses. The most shared.

    She was still human, still a priestess, and language could change.

    1. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      I like this version of the prompt! Lacking senses makes everyday life essentially a map to nowhere. If you can’t truly feel like you’re in a location, everywhere you go feels alien and you always feel like you’re lost somehow. Until you learn to use other means to experience the world, you must walk in the void, hoping that one day it will all feel real again. Excellent story, RVMPLSTLSKN.

    2. The Assassin Avatar
      The Assassin

      I really enjoyed reading this story. There is something so peaceful to me about it, something almost quaint. Her history seems one of grandiosity and intrigue, but now it seems simple and quiet. The lack of sight makes for an interesting take on the prompt that makes the story a tad bittersweet. On one hand, her life seems nice and peaceful, yet also the lack of sight seems dreadful. I really enjoyed this in a sort of somber and peaceful kind of way. The hopeful line at the end also made me cheer up a little. Very good!

    3. I will admit, I had to look up guinea behavior. I’ve seen guineas before in person, but only as chicks, never as full grown adults. I know some wild turkey behavior and I know domestic chicken behavior and had assumed since they are a type of farm fowl, though not common where I’m from, they had similar behaviors. So I did a quick search. I was neither completely right or completely wrong. However, I am now both terrified of guineas and intrigued.
      Well done on tricking me into researching birds.

    4. Lari B.Haven Avatar
      Lari B.Haven

      I really enjoyed this story. It’s a simple concept: when you can’t see everything it’s unknown again. But it’s highly effective in the context of her past and what happened in the world she lives in.
      Great story! I love to see the developments in this world.

    5. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      “She tasted the staleness of vellum and paper and ink, smelled the decay of dry knowledge.”–Me: *breathes deep* “What’s this I smell? Oh, right GOOD WRITING”

      “but darkness was an absence of light and she existed without either.”–The more I reread this line the more it sticks with me.

      “How simple her life was now. How primal. Before, as the goddess of Ziniu,”–EXCUSE ME you can’t just drop this on us, Vienas!!! She was actually a goddess?!?! I thought she was just a priestess!! :O :O
      Love the way this paragraph was written!!

      “Now she lingered like a revenant among the scrolls she once read, memorized. A memory herself.”

      “She saw with her hands; looked with a blank, sightless gaze; and the only words to color her existence were profane.”–That last bit especially I really like

      Just me enjoying you exploring her blindness and the sensory stuff, plus the great writing, as always!! I really do love Vienas’ perspective.

      P.S. I think you mentioned something on the discord last week about sending me some of your stories from the meat city world? And then I forgot to reply and lost your message…. I’d love to read them!! But I do have a couple other people’s stories I promised to catch up on, so maybe let me finish reading their’s first, haha!!

  19. A Pit to what’s been Forgotten

    By Exce (checked by Wvlf and Luna)

    William followed the boy who had come to his house at the cusp of morning, after apparently having watched his younger brother getting swallowed by the ground whilst fetching water .

    William did his best to memorize the way, in case he had to get the boy to safety quickly.

    But as the child led him further, he actually recognized his surroundings again. 

    Finally, they reached a clearing, near the river.

    Against William’s expectation of a beast, the clearing seemed innocuous enough.

    Until the still-panicked boy pointed out a dent with a hole near the center where the ground didn’t look dug up as much as torn.

    “Stay here. I’ll get to the bottom of this.”

     William walked closer to the hole. He had meant his words quite literally, and after taking a deep breath, he hopped down.

    He hadn’t been able to see the water, ready to stop his fall himself, so the cold impact took him by surprise.
    It took a few seconds to regain his orientation, then he looked around.

    The hole was more spacious than expected, and looking a lot more intentional with its moss-covered masonry and cracked columns.

    “A subsurface building that has been buried by plants and mud…?”

    Well, he couldn’t see anyone.

    So he swam over to an old set of stairs, going up and into the building.  

    Creating a small flame, he was shocked at the explosion of colour around him.

    People in a variety of clothing and skin tones, accompanied by animals he had never seen before.
    The hallway became wider, and William stepped into an enormous chamber.

    He grew his flame, illuminating the room, revealing a small curled-up figure by the hind wall.

    And a grand floor mural, its colours untouched by age.

    Beneath his feet he recognized the shape of Moriesha, a small strip of land at the bottom, dwarfed by other expansive landmasses. Landmasses he had never seen before.

    As the brother stirred in the light, William’s eyes grew wider and wider, taking in the map of a world that had gone long before his had been created.

    1. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      What would possess William to simply jump down any old hole he saw baffles me, but it certainly took me by surprise! I couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of him saying, “I’ll get to the bottom of this,” only to watch him dive straight in. His curious decision was well rewarded, but it makes me wonder if this is some underground civilization, or if he’s actually found himself in another reality and if that’s the case, how will he get back? Well done, Revisis!

    2. Lari B.Haven Avatar
      Lari B.Haven

      It’s a great story Exce, it has both a sense of wonder and a sense of unfamiliarity, since well, they are going to a place they never been and that can be dangerous.
      It really looks like a fun place for kids to go exploring.
      Also this remember of a episode of Adventure Time for some reason.

    3. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      This was great!! I like the interpretation of the prompt. Rather than someone following a map and finding it doesn’t lead anywhere, rather inadvertently finding a map that led to somewhere in the past, and it’s the somewhere itself that no longer exists. Very cool, intriguing, and unexpected!!
      I couldn’t help but smile at the “I’ll get to the bottom of this” *dives into the hole without hesitation* XD I feel like he’d be a super fun, pun-filled protagonist in a longer novel??
      “He hadn’t been able to see the water, ready to stop his fall himself, so the cold impact took him by surprise.” I liked this line, but also it’s kinda funny because he’s like “gotta brace myself!” and I’m “boy, you should be very thankful there was water, if that fall was over a certain distance, bracing yourself ain’t gonna cut it” XD

      A question of mine was, you said there’s a bunch of people living there, right? How come they don’t seem to notice or stop him?
      Also, is he magical? You said he could create and grow a flame.

      Great job!! Super intriguing!!

  20. Insania404 Avatar
    Insania404

    Grael’s Library (Oneiron Universe)
    By: Insania404

    Did you expect to find answers in this forgotten library? If it’s any consolation, you aren’t the only one who has believed those lies. I’m sure you heard about it from the hushed whispers of the Deprived, as you call them. They haven’t lost their minds, you know. They’ve entered a new existence, one with more purpose than you could ever imagine.

    Is that your car outside, or did you “find” one on the side of the road like the rest? I’d expect as much from civilized people such as yourself. They told you to travel alone, didn’t they? Like a fool, you believed them. If there was a cure for the Madness, don’t you think your beloved corporation would have already found it within these walls? I assure you, these tomes have already been scoured and your search will lead you nowhere.

    Of course, you are still welcome to look. Just be aware that the contents of the library have drastically changed after the explosion. There is a good reason why this part of the city has been abandoned. I’m sure you’ve heard about the Madness or the Haze. It means the same thing, regardless of what name it chooses.

    Whether it has infected the books or just the mind is up for debate, but the result is the same. These tomes hold information that cannot be expressed in mere words. They have a living, breathing quality to them and if you hold them close, they’ll whisper secrets that cause even the most grounded individual’s sanity to falter. Those who are already deranged can hold on a bit longer, but they succumb just the same.

    Are you still convinced that you’ll find something of value here? Fine, have it your way. As it is, you’ll probably never find your way back. I’d cast you out if I could and spare you from the inevitable, but it’s quite difficult to do much of anything without limbs. I’m sure you understand.

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Wow, Insania, this is a very interesting piece! This type of narration is always tricky, but you nailed it. I really enjoyed seeing more of this world you’ve created. I wonder how much was lost in the library. Poor librarian, stuck without limbs in an apocalyptic wasteland. Overall, Insania, this is a beautifully written piece. Great job!

      1. Insania404 Avatar
        Insania404

        Glad you liked it! As per usual in this universe, the librarian is more than what meets the eye. It makes you wonder how he’s managed to survive in the wasteland without the ability to move from the library.

    2. Lari B.Haven Avatar
      Lari B.Haven

      I love how the story sounds like a warning somone has been written about the dangers of the Library. One that really wants to prevent adventures to get in but I believe might actually bring then in. I wonder why the Library is so dangerous though, and I belive it’s for that reason someone also would be persuaded to enter.
      That being said I loved the pacing ans how you constructed. Great work Insania!

      1. Insania404 Avatar
        Insania404

        Thanks for the review! The warning comes directly from the librarian, who has been there for quite a while. Unfortunately, the ones who enter this strange library do not enter it for adventure, but rather for a solution.

    3. I really enjoyed this piece, Insania. I like this concept of the quest for knowledge leading nowhere. Books are supposed to hold all the answers. They are a type of map. But in this case, they don’t hold the answers being sought and therefore can’t lead the questor to a destination. Perhaps I’m reading too far into it, but that is what I’m getting from your wonderful piece.
      Well done, Insania.

      1. Insania404 Avatar
        Insania404

        Thank you for the review! It actually was my intention to write this story with the idea of seeking a great knowledge or truth being a fruitless quest. The more faith you place on simple blocks of paper, the more desperate you become, and the more likely you will lose what little sanity you had to start with.

        Unfortunately for this particular visitor, failing to find the cure for his ails will result in him losing more than just his mind.

    4. Isa Dragon Avatar
      Isa Dragon

      Oooo, a cursed library and a plague of madness. And the style! That’s not something you see every day.
      It’s really interesting, how the speaker knows that a lot of knowledge is in the library and denies that the correct knowledge is in there. The Deprived know things that most people don’t, and it appears they got it from the library, and it’s even outright stated that they have ‘entered a new existence’ for a purpose. Someone is behind the plague, and it’s spread, possibly including how this cursed library is rumored to hold the cure.
      I took that last line- the without limbs one- to mean that it was a building or even a book that was speaking. Perhaps the library itself, still somewhat sane even if its contents are diseased.
      All in all, you got my creative juices firing on all cylinders, and I want to know more. Well done.

      1. Insania404 Avatar
        Insania404

        That is an interesting interpretation of the last line and I suppose that a librarian without limbs is nothing more than a talking well of knowledge, much like a book.

        I must admit that using the 2nd person perspective was inspired by RVMPLSTLSKN’s submission last week. I decided to give it a go. It really is a fun perspective to write in!

        The library is not the cause of the Madness, but it certainly has contributed to the creation of a great many Deprived. After all, any who enter in search of a cure, regardless of their state of mind, succumb to Grael’s library.

        It’s only a matter of time

    5. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      I love how sarcastic the narrator is! Or maybe not sarcastic but like…just not sympathetic to ‘you’r apparent plight. Really great voice here.
      I was thinking “This reminds me a lot of RVMPLSTLSKN’s submission last week” and then I read the replies XD Great use of second person!

      “I’m sure you heard about it from the hushed whispers of the Deprived, as you call them. They haven’t lost their minds, you know. They’ve entered a new existence, one with more purpose than you could ever imagine.”–Loved this line. That also reminds me of RVMPLSTLSKN’s “Sleepers” and I like how you took it a different direction here–that these beings that, according to popular knowledge are deprived, perhaps even monsters, but the speaker knows they’re more than that, perhaps a being on a higher plane than a human. Or perhaps they really are deprived, and the speaker is just as deprived as them, and/or their leader or something. I also like that name “Deprived.” It begs the question “What are they deprived of?” which I think is a great way to add intrigue to your story without having to go overboard for it to be there XD

      “Is that your car outside, or did you “find” one on the side of the road like the rest? I’d expect as much from civilized people such as yourself. They told you to travel alone, didn’t they? Like a fool, you believed them. If there was a cure for the Madness, don’t you think your beloved corporation would have already found it within these walls? I assure you, these tomes have already been scoured and your search will lead you nowhere.”–This paragraph here was probably the one that intrigued me the most. Each line made me more curious than the last, haha! It tells me we’re in some sort of modern or futuristic setting (i.e. not fantasy, like I originally thought). It makes me wonder why “you” would need to steal a car, along with why “the rest” would too. What the speaker has against “civilized people” (though I really like that as an insult). Who ‘”they” are and why they would tell ‘you’ to travel alone, why you’d be a fool to believe them, what the madness is, what/who the corporation is, what the speaker is looking for, just !!! “I don’t need sleep, I need answers” lksafhls

      “Whether it has infected the books or just the mind is up for debate, but the result is the same. These tomes hold information that cannot be expressed in mere words. They have a living, breathing quality to them and if you hold them close, they’ll whisper secrets that cause even the most grounded individual’s sanity to falter. Those who are already deranged can hold on a bit longer, but they succumb just the same.”–Absolutely love this bit. Beautifully written. Love the almost Lovecraftian idea to it. (Or maybe it’s not Lovecraftian? The “those who are already deranged can hold on a bit longer” makes me think of insight and Bloodborne, haha!)

      “but it’s quite difficult to do much of anything without limbs. I’m sure you understand.”–When I read this first I thought the speaker was saying they’d take your limbs somehow, and I found the line delightfully bone-chilling. Then I read the replies and realized the speaker was saying they don’t add limbs…and now we’re back to the intrigue and needing answers XD

      This piece becomes extra interesting when you know the librarian is speaking.
      Great job here!!

      1. Insania404 Avatar
        Insania404

        Wow, I was not expecting a wall of text this early in the morning. Let’s see if I can enlighten you, though you’ll likely be left with more mystery.

        There isn’t much more use for cars these days, not since the spread of the Madness. Many are sent off the road, seeing things that may or may not be there. Besides, the Oneiron Corporation provides the remaining survivors with what they need, so long as they work for it.

        The library is on the far side of the city, far removed from most of civilization as it is. You have a smaller chance of losing your mind if you drive there, though you must make sure to keep the windows up and the fans blocked or the Madness/Haze will seep in.

        If you go to all this trouble, you’re likely already too far gone as it is. Grael knows that all too well, so he won’t take your plight particularly seriously. He’s been there for much too long to care for humanity at this point.

        The Deprived are more cunning than they appear, but they are brushed aside and discarded as madmen, as most civilized people do with the less fortunate. They have manipulated many into joining their ranks under this guise of madness.

        “I don’t need sleep, I need answers.” – Funny you should mention that. Perhaps you’re secretly near-Deprived yourself, antihero…

        1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
          i-prefer-the-term-antihero

          klafhk my apologies, I put paragraphs, but when it’s super long it takes the breaks out…

          Ahhhhh thanks so much for your answers, they’re all super helpful!!

          lkahflasdkfh!!!

          This seems like such an interesting story!!

    6. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLSKN

      Tagback review!

      Second person is a difficult tense to write, so your decision to give it a framing as a narrator was probably a good choice. I think some more description of the narrator himself would be beneficial to the piece, but word count may have been the deciding factor there. It’s a complex piece so I’ve broken up my thoughts a bit to help parse it down.

      Grammar: Everything looks solid, aside from the contractions. Getting away from them should make your prose more willful, stronger.

      Narrative voice: Here’s where the contractions come into play. Given the piece is meant to be spoken, the contractions should act as a tic. I think cutting back on them would help this. Picking one or two words the character normally contracts (Is/are, will, have, not, etc) is a quick—if dirty—trick for giving a character a sound in a small space. The character also uses the term ‘they’ a lot.

      Description: You paint an interesting setting. An abandoned and haunted library, ruled over by an eldritch mist that whispers insanity into folk, that might have the answers you’re looking for is a hell of premise. A gatekeeper warning folk away but physically powerless to stop them is a time honored convention and you execute it beautifully! Unfortunately, we don’t see the character himself. He tells us he’s lacking limbs, but is he propped up against a post, hanging from the wall, floating in a pool? (There’s a lot of room here for the old “What do you call a man with no arms or legs…” jokes. Future use maybe.)

      Final thoughts: I enjoyed this a lot. I think maybe a rewrite in first person POV would have been better, but you made the second person perspective work well. Great job!

      1. Insania404 Avatar
        Insania404

        I’ll take a single review with constructive criticism over a thousand that shower me with praise. Otherwise, how can I learn what I need to improve? Thank you for giving me that one precious review.

        This is my first time writing from a second-person perspective, so all of your tips will definitely help me, should I choose to attempt another one. I wanted to focus on the library itself, rather than the librarian for this piece, though if I had more words to work with, his true nature would shine through a bit more than just the ‘armless man he is.

        I had no idea that contractions were detrimental to prose and I will take the use of them as indicative of how the character speaks, rather than a simple way to squeeze more words into the prompt. I also use ‘they’ fairly often for the same reason. I will be wary of that as well. Besides, ‘they’ will not provide answers to the burning questions in my world.

        There’s a strong possibility that you will see the library again from a different perspective, as it is one of the more prominent structures in my universe and one that I like very much.

        Thank you for enjoying the story and taking the time to write a review that will improve my prose in the future!

    7. PixieWings Avatar
      PixieWings

      Your prose is fantastic here for setting up the personality of the narrator. It’s all very “Oh, you’ve met with a terrible fate haven’t you?” which is super fun. But I think the part that hit me hardest is the fact that this is a word where cars exist. Like this feels very traditional fantasy hit with a dash of the King in Yellow, but there are cars, which puts it very firmly in a more present setting. Which is super striking and sort of terrifying. I haven’t had the chance to read any of your other pieces in this universe but if they’re all “Cosmic Horror Fantasy Apocalypse” I’m gonna have to check them out, because that’s amazing. Wonderful piece!

      1. Insania404 Avatar
        Insania404

        Thank you for the kind review! Believe it or not, every piece that I’ve written for Tale Foundry’s prompts has been set in this universe, starting from None Left up to the current prompt. This one sets up another character, so you won’t see him in any of the previous prompts, but there are equally strange and mysterious characters in those submissions as well!

  21. Lari B.Haven Avatar
    Lari B.Haven

    Welcome to Diemount
    by Larissa (Lari B. Haven)

    The road was dark and the headlights could barely illuminate the way. They had been traveling for a while and Maria and Andrew were tense.

    The road sign read: Diemount in 5 miles. Maria looked again at her phone and at the map in her hands. The maps didn’t match at all. There was something about the worn-out carved wooden sign called her attention. She searched again.

    “This next city’s not supposed to be here, honey.”

    “Cut me some slack, we’re not that lost.”

    She pushed the map into her husband’s face and showed her search results.

    Andrew was annoyed enough and decided to turn off the car engine.

    “Honey, you don’t get it! The sign said Diemount!”

    “The coastal city that disappeared in 1957? That Diemount?”

    He looked outside the windshield. The temperature had dropped now, and the fog started to form faces on the window’s reflection.

    “You’ve been wrong before, Maria… Remember when you thought we had a Beelzebub situation when it was just a loose hellhound?”

    “Andrew, I have never been more sure in my life!” Maria rifled her purse in search of her spellbook.

    She breathed and clenched her husband’s hand, pricking their fingers with a pin. Her heart was racing. They desperately wanted her to be wrong. But she already knew the answer.

    Maria whispered the spell, the droplets of blood started swirling in complicated patterns. This was the sign of energy escaping from the other dimensions.

    “It doesn’t stop swirling! It’s Elder energy all around us!” Maria let go a nervous laugh, the tears on her face pronouncing the worst-case scenario. “No demon hunter ever came back, Andy… They disappeared when they hit this city.”

    Whatever map they followed now, it only would take them to that city.

    They shared a sad smile and looked at their teen son calmly sleeping in the back of the car.

    “It was supposed to be a family vacation…” she sighed.

    “It was never just a family vacation with us,” he answered.

    They turned the engine on again. The road sign now read, “Welcome to Diemount”.

    1. Ooooooooh what a *mysterious* **mystery**

    2. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      This is a great story Lari! The way that it’s written makes me wonder if Diemount is another dimension entirely or if it’s a demonic being that disguises itself as a lost city. If they were to divine what was shading it, would we see some kind of eldritch maw that exists only to swallow demon hunters who venture too far? It’s just a weird theory that I have, but either way, it’s a great way to ruin a fun family vacation. I wonder how they’ll get out, or if they’ll escape at all.

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