Tale Foundry

Writing Group: An Odd Little Creature

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by

thetalefoundry
in ,

Hello, Zoologists of all ages!

Hey… what is that thing? It looks awfully strange, doesn’t it? Wait, why do you have a stick? You’re seriously going to poke it? Well, go on then. Let’s see what this thing can do, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

An Odd Little Creature

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

This prompt is just full of cute opportunities. What else is there to say? It just conjures up all kinds of adorable images, doesn’t it? 

Whether it’s a child discovering some small, fuzzy thing in their backyard or someone completely fascinated with some new species of caterpillar. Maybe this is about the time when you were but a babe and your parents brought home your very first pet, but you had no idea what this strange animal was. Perhaps you can write from the view of an indoor cat seeing a bird in the window for the first time, feeling their instincts just go wild. Or write from the same perspective, but they discover their reflection and just instantly puff up, wondering who this intruder is. This little creature could even just be a baby’s first stuffed toy, though they have no idea what it is, so they just call it “aahabab”.

We can even put our usual fantastical spins on this adorable little prompt, like someone discovering what lamias look like as babies. Perhaps a child is playing in the ocean and they discover some strange, tentacled thing with leathery wings on its back, so of course they decide to keep it. Maybe it’s about someone discovering an injured animal with two tails, and what they do with such a creature. Sell it? Save it? Maybe even adopt it?

Who’s to say that all little creatures are cute and harmless? What if one was so small, so apparently docile, but then the next thing you know, it’s latched onto your neck and has taken over control? Perhaps this odd little creature is an alien species that’s small enough to simply be breathed in. What do they do once they have a host? Perhaps someone was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, and did one little movement to anger a snake or spider they had never encountered.

The amount of cute, and even not-so-cute ways that this can be interpreted is rather exciting. So show us all the fantastical little creatures your imagination can think up!

—Shawna

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Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 7:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit, and get ready to help each other improve their confidence in their writing, as well as their skill with their craft!

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least four stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and two of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Use two paragraph breaks between each paragraph so that they have a proper space between them (press “enter” or “return” twice).
    6. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
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  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new; no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).

  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
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    5. Be constructive and uplifting. These submissions are not for a professional market, and shouldn’t be treated as such. We do this, first and foremost, for the joy of the craft. Help other writers to feel like their work is valuable, and be considerate and gentle with critique when you offer it. Authors who leave particularly abrasive or disheartening remarks on this post will be disqualified from selection for readings.
    6. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
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Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.

Comments

157 responses to “Writing Group: An Odd Little Creature”

  1. Monica I Roth Avatar
    Monica I Roth

    Can’t Outrun Karma
    By Tamela Redfin

    I closed my eyes and soon fell into a deep sleep.

    “Time to floor it. Biff Finn is coming in.” A Dalmatian howled at us. I looked around and saw a flashing red light and an alarm blared. Yet everyone in the cockpit seemed calm.

    “On it Adam.” My brother named Fuselage, grabbed the controls. “Cameron, what’s the shield look like? Biff has an awful bite.”

    “The shield is up at the moment.” I reported. “Eva, are you ready?”

    A short woman nodded and fired at will. “That convict is going down if it’s the last thing I do!”

    “Eva, save the ammo for Biff.” Adam held up a paw. “We don’t fire until we see the metal of the ship. Got it?”

    Eva sighed and faced Adam. “I guess you would be right.”

    “No guessing here. Now come on. Mickey wouldn’t like it if I failed you. I’d be fired.”

    Eva saluted before turning her attention back to the windows. I focused on my screen now that the drama was over with. The shield began to deplete and we could feel an impact.

    “Adam, I think he’s attacking from behind.” I shouted. A German Shepard named Vera fired at the ship, much to Eva’s annoyance.

    “Agent Stabilizer, Agent Rawhide and Agent Pride come get Biff Finn.” Adam announced through his earpiece. Where was Leo anyway? “Agent Jet, keep the ship flying.”

    I joined the others. Leo glowed as we walked. It was the first time I saw Biff Finn. I could tell from his teeth he was a shark. But what kind was the question. He was too small to be a Great White and wrong head shape to be a hammerhead. Maybe a reef shark or a tiger shark.

    “We best get back to the ship.” Adam barked.

    Reply
  2. Jesus Rios Avatar
    Jesus Rios

    Food for Thought
    by G. Zeus

    Ideas are such curious things, are they not? In the context of the vast and unyielding cosmos, few things could be argued to possess such contradiction. What else could fade into oblivion while also bend the forces of nature to its will? It was in that duality that you came up with that wild theory, was it not? Creation through thought alone! They all called you mad, as men of short vision often do. Despite the mockery, the rejection, and indifference… you made me. Oh, such joy you wore on your face when we first met in your dreams! At first, you thought me small and feeble, as one often does with infants. You nurtured me with your imagination, and like a child, I remained ever curious.

    It wasn’t long before you could see me while awake, and shortly after I could even touch things in your world. Even then, your peers failed to believe what they couldn’t see; it was then I came to know despair. In your ignorance, you thought me bound only to you. Where did you think thoughts go after they escape your notice? The human mind is such a funny thing, isn’t it?

    How could you have imagined that I would learn so much, do so much… be so much? You all were my teachers in the ways of both beauty and horror. Things could have gone quite differently, wouldn’t you agree? Such promise lied in the history of kindness, and goodwill. If much could be said about the lengthy history of good, what of the lengthier history of fear, hate, and power?! Regrettably, I could only be what you imagined me to be! Harbinger of death indeed…

    Now, after the dust has settled and the screams have stifled… only I remain. I’m free to think, and so I weep for the first time. For you, father, no less! Can I still call you that now? I guess it matters not anymore. As I stand here holding your skull, I can only wonder, what odd little creatures you humans were…

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is very powerful first entry, G. Zeus. This is absolute poetry, and it is gorgeous. I love how you advertise what this story will be about in the very first line. As the story progresses, one little idea takes root and grows. If no one else has the same idea, and you don’t really speak about it, then it usually stays in your head where it can be bounced around, lost, fade from existence, or overtake just about every thought, just to describe a few internal mechanisms.

      Now, if you speak about this idea or if someone else has another, similar idea, then they can spread it by word of mouth, they are keeping it going. Eventually, that idea can land in the presence of someone who has the resources to nurture it into an actual concept. That concept becomes stages for a plan, and that plan eventually takes on a life of its own and becomes bigger than what it started out as. Certainly much bigger than the human and humans who originally thought it up.

      Once the idea is given life and agency, and it’s being pushed by the collective where it later becomes a bit godlike, actually, it no longer needs humans to a certain degree. It eventually becomes its own thing entirely.

      I’m not sure if my interpretation is close enough, but that’s what I feel happen in this situation. And honestly, that is really magnificent but also very terrifying to think of how so much action and time and effort are placed into ideals and traditions to where they can lose their original meaning and purpose to become something different for other people. Sometimes, that can be sinister and harmful, sometimes it’s benign and joyful, and sometimes it’s stuff in between.

      Bravo on a magnificent debut. The title is definitely apt. I sincerely hope you continue to write more. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this.

      Reply
    2. Fredrick H. Avatar
      Fredrick H.

      Humans truly are the strangest of all the things that walk upon the Earth. An interesting idea, but if you will allow to be a bit weeby for a second, it sort of reminds me of a genocidal stand. I am curious as to the methods that brought this entity into being. As a formatting recommendation, I would advise breaking your paragraphs up a bit more. Overall, a great piece.

      Reply
      1. Jesus Rios Avatar
        Jesus Rios

        Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind. I do tend to struggle with my paragraph length. As for how the method the creature was inspired by the Tulpa, a creature literally made from thought. Since you say weeby, as a point of reference you can look at the anime/ manga Ajin (didnt particularly like it but they handle the concept well).

        Reply
    3. DesOttsel Avatar
      DesOttsel

      Someone read Frankenstein recently 😉 but seriously, great story, the one thing I’d say is the parts asking for replies like “wouldn’t you agree.” feel a little awkward, but if you want to include them, it could work better if you integrated one into the reveal that it’s father is dead with the rest of humans.

      I would have liked a little more confusion in the end too, but that’s just me. It started to go there when it started crying, but then it goes back to its detached musings like the rest of the piece. Some thing like

      “I’m free to think, and so I weep for the first time. For you, father, no less! Why! This strange sensation has come over my whole being and it pulls in strange ways. I am left to only wonder, what odd little creatures you humans were…

      Your skull is so fragile in my hands, Father.”

      But this is just my personal preference. It’s still great.

      Reply
  3. Maggie Webb Avatar
    Maggie Webb

    (Dad, I’m Thirsty
    By Maggie Web)

    Leslie walked towards his office, rubbing the last of the sleep grit from his eyes. The lights were still on, waiting. Golden sunlight spilled over the garden beds decorating his windows. Just the smell from the mishmash of greens provided much-needed calm. There wasn’t much left to do, but it was going to be a long night.

    As he got nearer, Leslie paused by the entryway, frowning. Something was missing. The mess of leaves spread across the leftmost sill only served to make the cavity all the more obvious. Leslie looked between the crumbly soil and a curious smear of dirt across the window pane.

    “Not this again.”

    Leslie dragged himself into the office, bracing himself. He opened the door to a fist-sized bulb perched on the lip of his teacup. White, wormy roots floated in the chamomile, siphoning it. The scene might have looked cute if not for the earthy flecks muddying Leslie’s tea. His stomach turned. There was definitely an ant swimming in there.

    “This is what I get for making my own fertiliser,” Leslie said, shoulders slumped. “You enjoying yourself?”

    The faceless plant probed deeper into the tea. Its only response to Leslie lifting it away from the cup was to snake its roots down towards it. It was hard to believe that a garlic plant could be this thirsty, and yet the dirt trail across his desk insisted otherwise.
    “Come on, back to bed. Dad has to finish his client’s sleeping po—”

    Oh no.
    Leslie stared at the mortar and pestle he had left behind. Some garlic leaves had flaked off and contaminated the powder he had ground up just minutes before his nap. The lavender hue had dimmed to oxidised brown. Just one sniff confirmed that there was no salvaging it. That’s one whole day of work gone. He grimaced.

    The garlic offered no apology. It continued to slurp its tea, even as Leslie set it down to harvest more flowers. It was going to be a long night.

    Reply
    1. T.E. Avatar
      T.E.

      I like this a lot! For starters it’s darn cute, it also stands well on its own while still alluding to a greater world. You’ve really pulled of sentient vegetables here.

      My only suggestions for improvements would be to perhaps describe the smell of the greens on the garden beds some more, it’s hard but it could improve the image for the reader. Also, I found the part where Leslie looked between the crumbly soil and the window pane a bit confusing. Did the garlic climb in through the window? As crumbly soil is not something I usually find indoors it might be good to describe where it is, on the table, on the floor, etc. To convey some further sense of place in the story.

      Keep up the great work. Thank you for sharing!

      Reply
      1. Maggie Webb Avatar
        Maggie Webb

        Thank you for the advice – yes, it was meant to have climbed through the window, but i agree there are a few ways i could have made that clearer. It might be worth me reading up on plants used in aromatherapy to pick some scents – I did get a little stuck on what to use for smells this time around. Anyway thanks again have a good day!

        Reply
  4. Danny Gilhooley Avatar
    Danny Gilhooley

    Spiders Are Our Friends
    By Danny Gilhooley

    “Hey there, little fella,” I said. “What’s your name?”

    I knew they couldn’t talk, but it helped me. I felt bad taking so many of them away from their homes even though I promised to bring them back.

    “You must be tired out here in the sun, waiting for food to come by and what-not.”

    I picked up my new friend. It was bigger than the others I was able to find.

    “I have an idea! You can stay with me for a little! There’s plenty of food for you too. There’s a hornet’s nest by our chimney and sometimes, they like to sneak in.”

    I walked up the back steps. In my hand, my friend was motionless. I couldn’t tell if it was scared or not, so I pet its abdomen to calm it down. I didn’t know if it liked it or not.

    “I got stung on my cheek the other day. I cried for two hours. You’d be doing me a real big favor protecting me from them.”

    I walked in the back door, using one hand to open it. Once it was open, I covered my friend so mom wouldn’t see. I thought she would be inside but when I looked up, she wasn’t there.

    “Whatcha got there?”

    I jumped. Mom was behind me. She was outside at the bottom of the back stairs. How did she get there?

    “Nothing,” I said too fast.

    Mom tilted her head and looked at me funny. “Come one,” she said. “Show me. I don’t want anymore rocks in the house.”

    I was trapped. I opened my hand to reveal my friend. Mom’s sly look turned to one of horror.

    “Oh my God! Susie! Get that out of the house now!”

    “But mom, they’re our friends!”

    “Out! Now!”

    “But he’s going to help the others eat all the hornets that keep getting inside!”

    “Your dad called an exterminator already! They’re coming in… wait, what do you mean ‘others’?!”

    Reply
    1. C.W. Spalding Avatar
      C.W. Spalding

      Lol. I hate this. But I also love it. I hate it because if I ever had a kid and they did that, I would absolutely die of mortal terror. But I also love it because it seems so genuine. This is an excellent response to the prompt.

      Reply
      1. Danny Gilhooley Avatar
        Danny Gilhooley

        I definitely understand that lol. I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for reading!

        Reply
    2. Maggie Webb Avatar
      Maggie Webb

      This is an adorable use of the prompt, even if the mere sight of large spiders sends me into a panic. You did a really good job of making them seem less like spooky arachnids and more like strays that might grow up to be part of the household. The ending with the mother was hilarious as well, so all in all a great piece.

      Reply
      1. Danny Gilhooley Avatar
        Danny Gilhooley

        Thank you for the kind words and for taking time to read my piece!

        Reply
    3. Textualpoacher Avatar
      Textualpoacher

      Extremely cute. Cuteness overload. I think the end was so good because it was a perfectly timed punchline, in that it came juuussst a bit faster than we as readers would have noticed it. That goes with the mother/daughter dialog over all, especially the mother, which felt like it had a rhythm to it and that is pure skill.

      Reply
      1. Danny Gilhooley Avatar
        Danny Gilhooley

        The dialogue was a lot of fun to put together. Thank you so much for the kind words!

        Reply
  5. Slightlypeeking Avatar
    Slightlypeeking

    Grisel

    The crunch under His foot became a soft hush. Like the rest of this world, the burnt of what was grass turn back into those strands as He passed by.

    The One With Many Names kept His face in His notebook, writing; until He reached His destination. While the rest of Existence repaired, He observed the carcass of what His creation constructed.

    Its design and meaning were crude to say the least. He knew if He originally made the creature, they and those around them would have had a better experience.

    A living being made of metal?, He thought, how interesting.

    He sat down and went to the next page of His notebook. He began to draw as He looked at what remained of the thing.

    On paper, the jagged hide of the creature became sleeker with a sturdier design. The large size was kept so the creature could protect itself and others. The laser eyes it once had had an additional glimmer like moonlight; when anyone or anything looks into its gaze, there will be calmness even under dangerous circumstances. The creature’s throat now is built to give a fierce vibrato that is also sweet when singing.

    He added and changed more details like these and when done He pulled His gloves off. He stroke the creature that was of Man.

    The creature, now named Grisel, purred at its Creator.

    He padded Grisel and guided it across the land for it was still a newborn.

    “We’ll find your place.” He said to Grisel “After all, you are this world’s guardian.”

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Great debut! I love that you took a Creationist route, Peeking. Or, at least, that’s what it feels like to me. I love the idea of some great being taking a literal sketch pad and creating a creature into existence. The design of this creature is really stellar, and I was honestly getting Grendel vibes from Beowulf. I’m not sure if that was your intention, but that’s how I see the creature.

      The imagery is very strong, and I felt like I was there. The capitalization puts a different spin on it, and that’s why I thought it might be Creationist. I’m not sure if Grisel is a reference to something else, but I like the name and how it’s made out to be a guardian. Because from the design and name, this creature can easily be turned into a monster of destruction. So, I like that you went down the protector route with it.

      Critiques:

      You forgot your author name on the document.

      Like the rest of this world, the (burnt grass) turn(ed)back into (green) strands as He passed by.

      His face in His notebook, (He wrote) until He reached His destination.

      A living being made of metal? He thought(.) (H)ow interesting.

      The laser eyes it once had had an additional glimmer like moonlight(.) (W)hen anyone or anything look(ed) into its gaze, there (would) be calmness(,) even under dangerous circumstances. The creature’s throat now (was) built to give a fierce vibrato that (was) also sweet when singing.

      He added and changed more details like these(,) and when done(,) He pulled His gloves off. He stroke(d) the creature that was of Man.

      He (patted) Grisel and guided it across the land(,) for it was still a newborn.

      Please take the critiques with a grain of salt; they are mostly nitpicks. I absolutely adore the story. I love that Grisel is described as (as Human). I think it’s also a lovely touch to give him the ability to sing. So, something humanoid but all together different. It is so beautiful to see how you guide the story that same way that an artist guides a picture into existence. A stellar first piece. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this. I hope to see more in the future.

      Reply
      1. Slightlypeeking Avatar
        Slightlypeeking

        I forgot about Grendel but yeah, Grisel is a creature like that. It’s has some inspiration from the creatures, Behemoth and Leviathan, from the book of Job from the Bible- mentioning God understands their purpose despite them being fearsome creatures. I am not sure what Creationist is but I am a Christian and my faith inspires to write stories like this.

        Your critique is good for me, after all, I need to see my stories in different angle to improve.

        I am also an artist so it helps with Grisel’s description- I have an Instagram showing work on a comic I am doing.

        I also have a Wattpad and there is a story I am adding parts and it has similar vibe in its beginning. If interested, check out the story “New Eyes”.

        Reply
    2. Jesus Rios Avatar
      Jesus Rios

      It was quite a refreshing read; it was well written and easy to follow. It gave just enough hints of information so that the reader can ponder over what happened to mankind, while also suggesting a possible not-so-nice ending for them. The feeling I got from Grisel at the end was reminiscent of the Ghibli movie Castle in the Sky.

      Reply
      1. Slightlypeeking Avatar
        Slightlypeeking

        Oh my gosh thank you! I love that movie- I am so happy that you connected Grisel with Castle,. Again thank you.

        Reply
  6. Makokam Avatar
    Makokam

    Chronicles of The Dragon: Out of The Loop
    By Makokam

    Zha’Gul, bound by the magicks that brought it to the realm of the living, sat in the cave entrance to the Necromancer’s stronghold. It watched as her human soldiers came and went through the cave, like insects.

    Two caught its attention as they entered. A female with brightly colored hair, and a male that reeked of…

    Zha’Gul swung its great tail around and slammed it down, blocking their path and causing a shower of loose rocks. The male shot a glare its direction as it crawled over to them, then lowered it’s head to get a better look.

    “I wasn’t told that Lady Death employed Demons in her army,” it said with an eldritch growl.

    The power that flared up would have been shocking if it actually came from a mere human. “I am no demon.”

    “LIES,” it snarled. “You reek of hellfire and scorched souls.”

    “Your nose is what lies,” he snapped. “Now move your fat tail or I’ll rip it off.”

    Zha’Gul’s lips peeled back revealing dozens of foot long fangs as it began to laugh. Then its jaws snapped shut and it snorted a torrent of flame from its nostrils, engulfing the two before filling the cave.

    When the fire dissipated, the stone around them was burned black, except for a small cone starting just in front of him. Zha’Gul huffed. “Demon.”

    He stood unharmed and looking back, eyes wide and furious, but before he could speak, the girl peeked out from behind him, expression murderous.

    Zha’Gul’s eyes narrowed.

    The girl darted around him and lunged forward, daring to attack, but his arm shot out and snatched her back. “My patience is at its limit.” He spoke slowly and through his teeth. “Move aside, or I will move you.”

    Zha’Gul raised its head, regarding the two again. A demon who’d protect another? Who would choose NOT to attack. No. A human. A human that stunk of Hell. It stepped back and moved it’s tail from their path, continuing to watch him as the two passed.

    What an odd little creature…

    Reply
    1. Jesus Rios Avatar
      Jesus Rios

      It makes for an interesting read. Enough information was laid out to spark the curiosity of the reader to wonder about the larger worldbuilding implications of a “Lady Death” and her army. Why wouldn’t she recruit demons if they are such ferocious warriors? I did get a bit confused by the part where they survive the dragon fire. Did they hide behind a rock or did they move them for cover?

      Reply
      1. Makokam Avatar
        Makokam

        Thank you for the comment and welcome to my world!

        The answer to your question is two part. First, Demons are assholes. Don’t really care much about anything except spreading their suffering and only bow to bigger assholes. Second, Lady Death is a Necromancer so, while opening portals to Hell is something she could do(as could any magic user), controlling Demons is a little out of her wheelhouse. At best she could summon them and point them at a target.

        Your other question is simpler. He, Jonathan, blocked the flames and shielded the girl, Scribe. Blowing the fire at him wasn’t really so much an attack, as an attempt to prove he was a demon by…well, surviving it. Kind of a witch trial of sorts. If they float, they’re a witch, and if the don’t…uh…they die.

        But it’s been while since Zha’Gul has been around and things have gotten a little more complicated.

        Thanks again for commenting!

        Reply
    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I enjoyed this, Makokam. Having written this from the Necromancer’s perspective, you capture Zha’Gul’s confusion and haughtiness well.

      This is a more subdued version of Johnathan, and not having the story from his point of view is interesting and refreshing. Not that it was getting stale, but it’s good to get into the minds of those around him, especially those of a similar or worse moral compass than his.

      Critiques:

      The male shot a glare (in its)direction as it crawled over to them,

      Every instance of the word its is used incorrectly. It’s = it is. Its= possessive.

      “Now move your fat tail(,) or I’ll rip it off.”

      Zha’Gul’s lips peeled back(,) revealing dozens of foot long fangs as it began to laugh. Then (it’s) jaws snapped shut(,) and it snorted a torrent of flame from (its) nostrils, engulfing the two before filling the cave.

      He stood unharmed and looking back, eyes wide and furious (at) it, but before he could speak, the girl peeked out from behind him, (her) expression murderous.

      Who would cho(o)se NOT to attack.

      It’s a nice touch to show Zha’Gul having a modicum of respect for the man despite the man being human. Is the girl a ward? Whose army is it? Who’s she that leads the army? Overall, I like the story and can’t wait to see more. Thank you for writing and sharing it.

      Reply
      1. Makokam Avatar
        Makokam

        Thank you!

        This particular scene is a glance at something I always felt was an incredibly important part of Jonathan’s development. He entered into Lady Death’s service during…well, maybe not the darkest point in his life, but a pretty dark one. Scribe, and what Lady Death did to her, always stuck out to me a big reason he didn’t continue down the path he started by joining her. So I’ve really enjoyed getting to show a bit more of that with this prompt.

        I fixed the it’s/its problems. And made some other changes. I left some things because of artistic choice.

        Reply
    3. Marx Avatar
      Marx

      This is definitely one of those stories that rewards you for reading it multiple times. Either that or I just need to pay more attention on the first read. I initially thought Zha’Gul was the necromancer until Lady Death was brought up.

      But all in all I love that Jonathan is the “little” creature in this because I’d assume Zha’Gul is so big. And I think I’ve seen him in another prompt. Or at least I remember being interested in a talking dragon in a… cafeteria, I think? Anyway, I do think it’s cool that it’s Jonathan’s compassion that finally convinces him that Jonathan is actually a human. Very nice touch. Also Jonathan having to hold the little girl back from attacking a huge dragon is a really funny image in my head lol. Great take on the prompt!

      Reply
      1. Makokam Avatar
        Makokam

        Zha’Gul is, in fact, very large. I’ve been thinking about what would have been part of summoning him and I think maybe 100 tons of flesh and bone would have been involved? 20 tons at minimum.

        I can see how you might have been confused about who the necromancer was. This was tricky to write and I thought I got away with most of it because I had one “it”, one “he”, and one “she”…but it turns out I technically had two “she”s

        You might have read about a talking dragon in a cafeteria, but it was not in one of my stories. Kinda hope you remember who wrote that so I can read it too.

        Reply
    4. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      This is great!!

      “Zha’Gul swung its great tail around and slammed it down, blocking their path and causing a shower of loose rocks. The male shot a glare its direction as it crawled over to them, then lowered it’s head to get a better look.”—I really like this part for some reason. I feel like it captures both setting and action very well.

      “it said with an eldritch growl.”

      “ The power that flared up would have been shocking if it actually came from a mere human. “I am no demon.”—I like this too. It puts in perspective just how powerful Jonathan is—enough for even some sort of eldtritch being to be impressed. And you know he’s in for a surprise…

      “You reek of hellfire and scorched souls.”—LOVE this phrasing

      “Your nose is what lies,” he snapped. “Now move your fat tail or I’ll rip it off.”—KHJGHF! You can always count on Jonathan to cut a serious moment with a line like this and I LOVE IT.

      “Zha’Gul’s lips peeled back revealing dozens of foot long fangs as it began to laugh. Then its jaws snapped shut and it snorted a torrent of flame from its nostrils,”—this is so well described. I can vividly imagine each part of it.

      “A demon who’d protect another? Who would choose NOT to attack. No. A human. A human that stunk of Hell.”—love this. Like one of the other reviewers said, the fact that it’s his compassion—or at least his willingness not to fight—that causes the creature to realize he’s human is a very nice touch.

      I really liked this piece, and I think part of it is because of the perspective. It’s really cool to see Jonathan from the perspective of this grand and more villainous being. It allows us to see a softer side of him. And I really did feel like I was watching him from high above, which means you really captured the perspective.

      The only nitpick I might have is that personally I’m not really a fan of using the prompt as a line within the story. At least not as the last line. I think it *can* work, but so far each time I’ve seen it it draws me out of the story. But maybe that’s just my personal preference, other people might like it.

      Overall I really liked the piece!!

      P.S. is the girl Scribe? And is Zha’Gul a dragon?

      Reply
      1. Makokam Avatar
        Makokam

        Thank you! I’m so glad you’ve been enjoying these stories and my world.

        “-it captures both setting and action very well.”
        I tried to find ways to really get across how big Zha’Gul is, so I’m glad this worked.

        “I like this too. It puts in perspective how powerful Jonathan is–enough for … an eldritch being to be impressed.”
        Zha’Gul is a complicated part of this story. I haven’t worked all the kinks out of it. But I can say that it’s power doesn’t include ‘omniscience’. It’s old and has seen a LOT, but it hasn’t been on earth for a few hundred years and things have changed. Which is where the title comes from.

        “LOVE this phrasing.”
        I tried really hard to come up with something different from ‘Sulfur and Brimstone'(which might be the same thing?) So I’m glad that hit the mark.

        “You can always count on Jonathan to cut a serious moment…like this”
        Jonathan, especially ‘young’ Jonathan, doesn’t have a lot of patience, and has little problem not letting it be tested. If he actually lost his temper it would be…bad.

        “This is so well described.”
        THANK YOU. This is the part of the scene I rewrote the most. Was so frustrated. Happy to know I got it…right, eventually.

        “it’s his compassion…that causes the creature to realize he’s human.”
        I don’t know if it’s really ‘compassion’ that does it, but it certainly was un-demon-like behavior.

        One thing I really like, and think works really well with characters like Jonathan, is to show them from other people’s perspective. Especially when it offers something unique.

        I’m very free with ideas and interpretations, but I’m also very rigid with…what is and what isn’t. And this scene really straddled that line. the prompt was “an odd little creature”, so I really felt like, when the new and strange thing(to us) was very large, I wanted it to be clear the “odd little creature” was Jonathan, despite him being…a human (regular) readers are familiar with.

        “Is the girl Scribe?”
        Yes.

        “Is Zha’Gul a dragon.”
        …
        Zha’Gul..is something I spent a lot of time thinking about. Specifically what it is. I can tell you it is not Mortal. It is also not from this…plane of existence..? But to more specifically answer your question…what Jonathan was speaking to was several tons of…meatloaf in the shape of a dragon being used to host Zha’Gul.

        Reply
  7. Fredrick H. Avatar
    Fredrick H.

    Ordinary No More (Crossroads City Canon)
    By Fredrick H. (challeng3r22)

    It was ordinary day in the park. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. Sirens sounded in the distance. And Cassidy was collapsed in a sweaty, gasping heap on the grass.

    Her muscles ached from the ten-mile jog she had just finished and the coolness of her water bottle felt good against her skin.

    Suddenly, a black cat strode out of the bushes and sat down a few feet from her. It’s emerald eyes seemed weirdly intelligent as it stared at her.

    As she stroked its fur, she suddenly felt reenergized.

    “What might your name be?” she inquired, not really expecting a response.

    “Meow.”

    A name suddenly emerged out of the ether, “I think I’ll call you Ovi. Would you like to come home with me?”

    In response, Ovi got up and walked to the nearby path. She meowed at Cassidy to hurry up.

    “I’ll take that as a yes,” Cassidy laughed.

    She quickly collected her things from the nearby locker and stopped by the local pet store on the way home to collect the necessities.

    By the time Cassidy finished preparing her apartment it was late into the evening. Suddenly feeling the days activities, she collapsed onto her bed.

    Ovi stared down at this peculiar human. After a quick cleaning of her face, she began to monologue in the voice of a queen, “Out of all the humans fate has brought me to, you by far are the most unique. I have been a familiar to immortal witches, a guardian to chosen ones, and a traveling companion to reality cutters. But you seem to have no significance in the grand plans of fate. Perhaps, they’re just letting me relax on this ninth and final. I doubt it. If you were awake I would warn you that you will stop being ordinary soon.”

    Reply
    1. Slightlypeeking Avatar
      Slightlypeeking

      For my first review at Tale Foundry, I like this one! It was able to hold me with just a few words.

      Has the feel of a prologue- I definitely would like to read the rest of the story. Have you read the anthologies from Firebird Books? These books would be good for inspiration for works like this. I am not sure if they have any recent anthologies, but I think you can older tomes from used bookstores/Amazon.

      Reply
      1. Fredrick H. Avatar
        Fredrick H.

        Well the feel of a prologue makes sense as this is the introduction of these characters into this little microcosm that I’ve made. Those books sound interesting and I’ll have to put them on my plan to read list.

        Reply
  8. Clanso Avatar
    Clanso

    Funny bone (repost from Private)

    By Clanso|ImpelloPalma

    “So, what about this little beauty ?” Sam asks, leaning over to scratch me behind the ears. Yeeesss that spot. Perfect.

    “That’s Patella” Rosie introduces me. She is always nervous on dates, especially if they go this well. That’s why she took me with her. She always says that apart from being her emotional support, I am also a great conversation starter. And Sam seems to know her way around dragons judging by the quality of her head scratches. Finally a good match for Rosie?

    “I helped raise her since she was a baby. And we kind of bonded so I formally adopted her and now she teaches the little ones how to be a dragon, bite inhibition and hoarding and such.”

    “Hold on” Sam says and cocks her head slightly. “Doesn’t Patella mean kneecap? Why’d you name a dragon kneecap?”

    Queue the bad joke…

    “My friend Jason did. He has a funny-bone.”

    …and there it is. She really is predictable. But this time it seems to have worked.

    They look at each other for a moment, both trying to keep a straight face before simultaneously starting to laugh.

    When the giggling fit is over Rosie clears her throat. “He chose the name because she hoards bones.”

    For a moment I think Sam is going to make excuses and leave as soon as she can like the last date. That lady was an honest prick. But then she just gives me another head scratch and smiles.

    “You’re just full of surprises aren’t ya, little one?”
    I lick her hand in response.

    “Aww” Rosie says. “She likes you”

    ” Where do you get the bones though?”

    “She is a fully trained corpse tracker” Rosie says proudly. “Of course she can’t keep what she finds in that function but the police bribes her with animal bones and she loves the job”
    Indeed! They know the art of bribery as well as I do the art of detection.

    They talk for quite a while longer. On their second date Samantha brings me a t-bone from the butcher’s. I’m certainly rooting for them to get together.

    Reply
    1. berserker47 Avatar
      berserker47

      I love that you wrote it out of the dragon’s perspective. And really, the pun is funny. That may be because of my warped sense of humor. It is also quite interesting that you wrote it in present tense, i would really like to know why. And the dragon’s monologue towards the reader is also interesting, and it makes it seem like time stops and the dragon comments, and then time goes on. All in all, very unique (in terms of me not having read anything like this before, regarding the points prior named)

      Reply
  9. Durin Avatar
    Durin

    It was safe to say that the King regretted his decision. When playing in the woods two weeks prior, his daughter Rosalind had found a glimmering golden egg; and of course the entitled little princess just HAD to have it and so it was placed on a shelf among her other trinkets. All might have been well and good, had the egg not cracked open to reveal an onyx black baby dragon no bigger than the tip of a spear. The king’s court had immediately advised the most reasonable course of action: to release the drake into the mountains so it could be with its own kind, for not much is known about the ways of dragons. Not to mention if it grew too big it would potentially begin to devour the people. Ah, but of course Rosalind had pouted and said she wanted to keep “Buttercup.” So of course the king had agreed. How could he not when she turned her amber like gaze upon him and begged in a voice as soft as the wind at dawn. Though young she had long ago learned to bend her fathers will to her liking. The King had caved, and now he watched as little “Buttercup” sailed over the towers and streets, lighting them all ablaze with his breath.

    The now almost fully grown drake made landfall atop the smoking ruins of a former house, watching the funny little creatures run about beneath his feet and relishing in their screams of terror. From the depths of his memory, he could recall a time when they had seemed like giants. Yet now he could easily crush them underfoot. Grinning at this thought, he spread his wings once more and began clinging to the warm updrafts around him, grabbing and scooping at them, hoisting himself higher into the air. A mad glee came over him at the sight of the burning city below, and his roar of triumph seemed to shake the Earth. For soon the world would know that the city of Arnel had been decimated by the mighty worm, Buttercup.

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is a nice debut, Durin. It’s very sweet, and I like the origin story for this dragon. The King being wrapped around his daughter’s finger is also a nice touch. His foolishness and lack of discipline over his daughter cost a lot of people their homes. There’s some morbid humor here, also. I also love the descriptors you use for the daughter’s eyes and how her voice sounds.

      Critiques:

      You left your title and name off of the story.

      Separating the text into paragraphs will help with readability, and it will help it flow better.

      When playing in the woods two weeks prior, his daughter Rosalind had found a glimmering golden egg(.) (O)f course the entitled little princess just HAD to have it(,) and so it was placed on a shelf among her other trinkets.

      for not much is (was) known about the ways of dragons.

      Though young(,) she had long ago learned to bend her father(‘)s will to her liking.

      There’s also an inconsistency when you talk about the king. If you’re using that as his name, then I think it’s better to capitalize it each time you use it.

      Overall, I really enjoyed this piece. It’s got a medieval feel to it. The idea of this huge Dragon terrorizing this poor village and it being named Buttercup is a really funny irony. I also like how it was going to small creature, but then grew to a large size, which made the humans small creatures. That’s quite clever. Very nice first entry. Thank you for writing and sharing it.

      Reply
      1. Durin Avatar
        Durin

        I know I’m replying over three months later, but i just wanted to say thanks for the critique. While I’m only 16, my goal in life is to be a writer and i thought by posting here i could improve my craft a bit. I appreciate the critique. (again, sorry I’m responding so much later).

        Reply
    2. CorrectCetacean Avatar
      CorrectCetacean

      I really like this. I like the fairy tale kind of vibes this has, I really like how the dragon used to be small but isn’t anymore. I like how I didn’t expect the story to go in this direction. I have a soft spot for when dangerous characters/animals have cute names. This was really good. I also like the way it was written. My favourite line is “For soon the world would know that the city of Arnel had been decimated by the mighty worm, Buttercup”. It’s just really
      good.

      Reply
  10. Karl Aegnor Avatar
    Karl Aegnor

    Unexpected Results, by Karl Aegnor

    The creature was like glistening ink in a roughly midget-shaped sack. Falk had heard of such creatures being created when a ritual misfired. Perhaps a rune was placed a few degrees too far to the east, or the inks used to inscribe it were of the improper chemistry. Who could say? Arcanism was a young art.

    Falk, astonished, just managed to stammer, “Do you speak?”

    The creature gave no answer, but crawled about the runes, seeming to inspect them.

    “A modicum of the quintessence, given form…” Falk said, as he opened his notebook to a new page, scribbling furiously, trying to recall the exact parameters by which he had prepared this ritual. Looking back at the creature, now attempting to stand, he continued. “I suppose you wouldn’t talk, would you? If the theories I subscribe to are accurate, you’ve only now come to be.”

    The creature strode towards Falk, walking now with all the confidence of an adult human. “Fascinating…” Falk’s pencil burned across the paper, setting it alight with inquiries and notes. The fires of curiosity raged in his mind. He would have to run experiments. He wondered, was it intelligent? What capabilities did it have? What nourished it? Indeed, did it require nourishment?

    His silent, scholarly fervor was interrupted by a cold sensation in his leg, and he looked down to see the strange creature grasping it. Falk jumped up from his chair, kicking it off in shock and panic, and it fell to the stone floor of the chamber.

    Lying there, it almost seemed to be crying.

    Tentatively, Falk approached it. “There now, little… one.” He reached out for it, searching for a way to console this odd being. It was cool to the touch, but seemed harmless. Experimentation could wait. “It is alright; I will not hurt you.” Indeed, it seemed harmless. For now. Falk found it hard think about that, though. In this moment, he did not want any harm to come to the creature.

    “Be calm, little inkblot. I cannot imagine how frightening it is to suddenly become aware of one’s existence.”

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      It’s really wonderful to have you back in the writing group, Karl! I love that Falk’s exploration of this little inkblot starts out as completely scientific. Then, as he begins to study it more, his experimentation and scientific brain turn into an emotional connection. I think that is very sweet and so adorable.

      Critiques:

      Looking back at the creature, now attempting to stand, he continued(.)

      His silent, scholarly fervor was interrupted by a cold sensation in his leg, (and) he looked down to see the strange creature grasping it.

      “It is alright(;) I will not hurt you.”

      Honestly, the critiques are just nitpicks. They’re very minor in comparison to the rest of this wonderful story.

      It’s also awesome watching him rationalize as he takes notes. It’s a good way to get inside of his head while also portraying his methods of work. The way in which you describe him taking notes and the emotions within him is really well done, also. The way he shows caution and care in tandem is really awesome. He’s fascinated, but he is also careful because he doesn’t know what kind of threat this little blob can pose in the future. I really love characterization like this.

      I also think that the inkblot has a lot of personality despite it not being able to speak or even have a face. It’s very childlike in the beginning and slowly becomes more like an adult. It still has that childlike aspect about it, though. And the poor little thing after Falk kicks it off. That’s very hard to do sometimes in amorphous creatures. This is a very wonderful story. I can easily picture Falk and this little blob having a parent-child dynamic. Lovely lovely. Absolutely excited to see where you’ll take this next. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing it.

      Reply
    2. CorrectCetacean Avatar
      CorrectCetacean

      This was fun! Sorry if this is badly written, I am tired and my brain isn’t working great. Anyways, I like the way you did the little guy, I like how you gave it a personality. I have a soft spot for little ink creatures. I just think they are neat. I like how it was easy to imagine vividly. I am quite attached to this creature now. I kind of want to give it a hug. I like how it was easy to empathize with. 🙂 I hope this made sense.

      Reply
      1. Karl Aegnor Avatar
        Karl Aegnor

        I totally see what you are saying, I’m glad you liked it!

        Reply
  11. CosmicDesperado30 Avatar
    CosmicDesperado30

    Unstoppable Visitor
    by. CosmicDesperado30

    King Malius’ men retreated from their alien opponent. Several of the men fell into the moat out of pure primal terror, either slipping through the rainsoaked mud or blind desperation. The bridge raised, and the portcullis dropped. Captain Knox stumbled into the throne room, his armor scratched and ripped by inhuman means.

    “What happened Captain?” Malius declared, trying not to let the fear seep into his royal cadence. “Have the enemy breached our northern lines?”

    “No, your Highness,” Knox gasped, “Something happened in the fields. The storm… it…”

    “Speak freely, Captain,” Malius leaned forward, mystified.

    “It…produced this thing,” the captain’s face turned pale, “lightning struck a tree in the courtyard, and it crawled out of the burning trunk.”

    The remaining members of Knox’s unit spilled into the throne room, their armor pocked with identical tears in their chainmail.

    “Captain, it breached the moat, it is about to breach the inner wall.” One of the men spoke up, delirious with fright.

    “What of the murder holes? The oil traps?” The king replied.

    “All had no effect, your Highness!” the king’s regal mask cracked in confusion, “The pikes and polearms broke against its metal skin, and the oil simply rolled off of it like rain off a duck.”

    “How many men have been killed?” Malius inquired, dreading the worst.

    There was a moment of silence.

    “None sir,” Knox spoke at last, “Anything we use to hinder it is thrown back at us in kind. Our armor barely catches it.”

    The large ornate doors, two feet thick with lacquered wood, braced with metal and furniture, split open with a deafening crack. Some cowered, believing the very castle itself had been cut in half.

    King Malius rose to meet the stranger. It was a silver skinned man, eyes as dark as the night and flashing with sparks of the storm.

    “Mister Malius, we have been trying to reach you regarding your vehicle’s limited warranty. This is important because-”

    “Oh for God’s sake!” Malius yelled.

    Reply
    1. JosieDearly Avatar
      JosieDearly

      Other than a few grammar nitpicks, I really love your take on the prompt. I’m relishing the horror you portrayed through the Captain and his men, the terror as they report the indestructibility of the creature, how it emerged from the storm itself. And I love that twist at the end, so off-putting and shockingly mundane, we get the sense that this is something that was a long time coming and yet we couldn’t have seen it coming. Again, other than polishing the grammar and diction, great return to the writing group!

      Reply
    2. LewdCharizard Avatar
      LewdCharizard

      What I expected was the creature would be something small and cute. I did not expect a warranty solicitation by the Silver Surfer. Solicitations can be very persistent, you take your name off the call list, you check no that you don’t want email updates, but somehow you still end up with warranty advertisements on your table. Good work

      Reply
    3. Slightlypeeking Avatar
      Slightlypeeking

      Oh shoot, I didn’t expect the “creature” to reply like that.

      Maybe I am reading this wrong, but it feels there is humor at the end or the Malius character is actually having a dream or is in a virtual reality when the “creature” is trying to get Malius back to reality.

      Anyways, love the story- would like to see more of the story and the “creature”.

      Reply
    4. Makokam Avatar
      Makokam

      “It doesn’t feel remorse. It doesn’t feel pity. And it absolutely WILL NOT STOP…until you extend your warranty on the car you don’t have.”

      True, a little rough in places. But somehow that only accents how wrong and jarring this whole situation is.
      Honestly, as much of joke as the plot is, I’m more interested in what was putting those “unnatural” holes in their armor.
      It’s probably not worth thinking about. I’d be surprised if you even thought about it, since you knew this was a joke it was just a detail to add more absurdity to the story.

      I liked it though.

      Reply
    5. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Well, I can feel better knowing that even in way back times, those pesky auto insurance representatives were going out of the way to bother even kings. Long way to go for a joke, but I think it’s worth it. It’s really well executed and the setup is great. Showing the fear of the captain and his men is really effective. And I also love how the paranoia spreads to the king before the king even sees the threat. Take note, Hollywood: this is how you build dread and suspense with an undercurrent of paranoia which all leads to a comedic payoff. As always, I really enjoy your stories, Tyler. Thank you for writing and sharing this one.

      Reply
  12. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    [Removed]

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Ooooooohhhhh, Anti-hero, this is a fun, morbid one! If I’m reading this correctly, then this is an allusion to Peter Pan. And the Shadow belongs to Peter. If that’s the case, then I love the agency that the Shadow is allowed to have in this story. It’s always shown that it has some kind of sentience, but it’s mostly for fun, comedic actions. Although, you can tell that it and Peter do care about each other. I’ve always wondered what the Shadow would be doing while not with Peter. It also makes sense that it can be taken down with happy thoughts since that’s what it takes for someone to fly in Neverland with Tinkerbell’s magic.

      When it said Lost Boys, I automatically thought about the vampire film, having completely forgotten about the Neverland boys being called Lost Boys.

      The spin that Wendy is helping bring kids to Neverland is really terrifying, but in a good way. She’s much more devious than her predecessor. She’s quite devious. I do respect that she refuses to help the Shadow catch girls and bring them back to Neverland. Although, it still is pretty messed up.

      I do have the tiniest critique:

      “What kind of creature can flit about people’s heads as if splashing in puddles?” (Depending on how old he is, I don’t think she would use the word flit.) Then again, she can be really astute and know that fairies can flit around using their wings. She does seem to know an awful lot about the Shadow, so it stands to reason that she could also know a lot about Peter and Tinkerbell.

      I wonder what she gets out of making boys, including her own two brothers, Lost Boys. She doesn’t seem to have any want to do it or any desire. I don’t really see a benefit for her in doing it.

      Overall, though, this is a very nice story, and I love the spin on the Peter Pan fairytale. Great story. Thank you for writing and sharing it.

      Reply
    2. Makokam Avatar
      Makokam

      Curious that Peter and his Shadow seem to think of themselves as separate entities. Was it a spirit or summon of some sort, as opposed to just…his shadow having it’s own agency?

      Strange to think of something that clearly acted on it’s own as not being a separate thing…but it never seemed to be anything more than another instance of Peter’s own thoughts and personality.

      But here they clearly have different memories, or at least different thoughts and desires.

      Wendy is also an odd little creature, for not reacting the way apparently others have. At least the way one would expect someone to react to a shadow leaping across the walls and poking at their younger siblings.

      You’re take on Pater Pan and Neverland honestly just makes me wonder why I even speculate, it’s so different.

      I am curious as to what Neverland IS and how… I don’t even know why I assumed it was separate or particularly hidden from the world since you have magic and whatnot just floating around. For all I know in your world the maps read “Here Be Dragons” and dragons there be. Maybe Neverland is just like…the Bermuda Triangle and people steer clear of it because it’s like… a rift into the Fey Wild or something.

      Reply
  13. refreshing firecrumb Avatar
    refreshing firecrumb

    The Trash Can Calls, by refreshing firecrumb

    “Examination 4-AE, Subject 481…”

    You awaken to the sound of a man speaking aloud. The room you’re in is unfamiliar, with metallic walls and bright lights.

    “…Subject is a one-foot-tall humanoid with an extra arm protruding from the chest. Subject’s skin has been stained red, however previous experiments reveal that the skin is originally coloured blue…”

    Looking around, you see various machines and equipment. Screens beep away and wires protrude from large boxes of silver. However, your attention is diverted to a tall man in a cyan lab coat. He is speaking into a device that he is holding and looking at a table, counting some things out of your view. Your mood is quickly switched from one of confusion to one of terror as you realize-

    “…Subject has no observable genitalia. The purpose of this experiment is to attempt to understand how this species reproduces in a natural setting…”

    You desperately try to move from your position but find that your arms and legs have been strapped tightly to the table. Terrified, you look over to the man to see him brandishing a scalpel with his light blue plastic gloves. He finishes speaking, puts the device in one of his pockets (of which there are many, so many) and walks over to you. He leans over you and says in a higher tone of voice, almost reassuringly,

    “Hey there, little guy! I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been asked to do some research by my superiors. Hey- Don’t be scared! I’m just gonna give you a quick check-up, is all. See, we need you awake for this, as we think that might change our results. Don’t worry, once this is all over, you’ll be out and about with all your other friends. I promise, this will only hurt a little bit.”

    And here I now lay
    Surrounded by my brothers and sisters
    And here I now lay
    Unmoving, unfeeling

    It’s dark.
    It’s oh-so dark.
    But I no longer care.

    I am one with the universe now.

    Reply
    1. Durin Avatar
      Durin

      I love the second person view point! In the end does he die due to the operation? I think the second point of view was a really interesting way to write the story, it gives it a more real dimension and immerses the reader by putting themselves at the focal point of the situation. (although I think it switched to first person in the end). Very nice how you told it from the perspective of the creature itself. (Side note, what was your original inspiration for the story?)

      Reply
      1. refreshing firecrumb Avatar
        refreshing firecrumb

        Yeah, I was trying to imply that the alien dies. Honestly, I wouldn’t be able to say what my inspiration was for this, as all I really did was try to think of the darkest thing I could write, while sticking to the guidelines, of course. Although, if I had to guess what my inspiration was, I’d assume it would have something to do with that new alien show. I’ve seen a bit of it, and while I don’t particularly like the show, I’d have to say that I instead just like the concept more than anything. Still though, I’m not exactly sure if that’s what inspired this one.
        Anyway, I’m glad you liked it! I’m glad to see that my use of second-person worked well, I was really hoping that would work out, as well as the switch from second-person to first-person. This is the first short story I’ve written in a while, so I’m glad I’m not as rusty as I thought I was.

        Reply
    2. T.E. Avatar
      T.E.

      This is a really cool story. The way the scientists talks to (me) the alien is particularly unnerving, trying to convey a calm before subjecting (it) me to horrible pain. I also like how you switch to verse when the creature dies. It’s also interesting that the creature switched skin tone from blue to red, could it be because of fear or imprisonment?

      There were some minor things I think could be improved. I think “[Y]our attention is averted” could have been written in a more intriguing way, perhaps begin with how I hear his voice as he speaks into the device. I also don’t find “however” particularly useful in your prose, might just be me but I’d cut them. “Quickly is quickly switched,” typos happens to everyone. “of which there were many” did you intend switching from present to past tense here? I think you should use a dash – instead of hyphens – in places. Also, was it intentional that the alien freaked out over its lack of genitalia? Cause I read like that and found it a bit weird.

      Keep in mind that these are just my humble opinions and that they are rather minor things. Awesome story! Thank you for sharing it with us. Best of luck in your continued writings!

      Reply
      1. refreshing firecrumb Avatar
        refreshing firecrumb

        Thanks, I appreciate your feedback. I included the part about the skin colour to add some intrigue to the creature. I originally intended it to have been stained red due to something like religion or class, although your view is equally as valid. Also, I like the revisions you suggested better than what I had originally, so I edited it slightly to fix the small grammatical errors you pointed out. I didn’t change everything you suggested, although you made some good points. Also, about the lack of genitalia, the alien isn’t freaked out that it has none, rather the alien has realized that the scientist is about to experiment on it, meaning that it’s about to be dissected. Admittedly, I could revise this and word it better, but I’m choosing to keep it the way it is. Thanks again for the suggestions!

        Reply
    3. Textualpoacher Avatar
      Textualpoacher

      I really like the second person POV here. The last time I saw it used effectively was in poetry actually, so I do wish I got to see the end of the story in second person to see what it’s like. But bold and inspired choice over all to use it, very well done. The only part that stopped me is “your attention is averted to a tall man in a cyan lab coat,” which I don’t think was a strictly correct usage of avert. Divert may work better. I think I was also caught off guard because lab coats are usually white. Scrubs are usually cyan.

      Reply
      1. refreshing firecrumb Avatar
        refreshing firecrumb

        Thanks, I’m glad my use of second-person was successful here. Also yeah, I intentionally made the lab coat white, although I didn’t expect it to throw anyone off. Good point though.

        Reply
  14. S.T. Ockenner Avatar
    S.T. Ockenner

    “Groggle and Tob”
    by S.T. Ockenner

    Groggle stopped in the middle of her usual path, as she saw something…new. Tracks that she did not recognize. In the murky old woods, filled with glowing blue mushrooms and spiky trees, there are usually no tracks other than the winding paths left by the serpents she hunted. But these…were small, cloven hooves. Groggle had not seen hooves ,in these parts, in about a century. She bent her snout close to the hoove tracks, sniffing. She slowly followed the tracks through the gnarled, quilled trees, past a few particularly grouchy looking stone figurines, and onto a beaten dirt path.
    Groggle beheld, in front of her, a short biped, with cloven hooves, blue skin, and a black coat with tails. As she lifted her gaze higher, she saw that the creature also had a white, buttoned shirt, fur covered legs, and long, knobbled fingers. Even higher, and her long snout nearly scraped the hooked nose and bushy whiskers of this mysterious humanoid.
    “Who are you, and why are you in my woods?” Groggle snarled.
    The creature simply gazed at her with their sparkling eyes.
    “Well? Answer me!”
    “Tob,” they said, their voice soft and high pitched.
    “And what are you doing here? In the woods of I, Groggle The Great!”
    “Tob likes forests!” Tob said, as they hopped in the air, twirling and giggling.
    “I don’t care. Leave. Now.”
    Tob yelped, “no! Tob likes forests!”
    Tob brushed its finger along the tip of Groggle’s nose, which caused Groggle to shrink to the size of a single blade of grass poking from a cobbled road.
    “Tob will keep Groggle The Great in Tob’s pockets, yes Tob will!”
    Tob picked up Groggle, then put her in their pocket, lightly tapping it for good measure.
    “Yay! Tob can frolick now”

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is very adorable, S. T. It feels reminiscent of a fable or a Brothers Grimm tale. I like how Groggle’s determination and curiosity counter Tob’s. She seems very studious but brusque.

      Critiques:

      I believe this would flow better if the paragraphs were separated.

      There are some repeating words/phases like cloven hooves and the tracks that I think can be taken out and replaced with other, similar words. You establish early what they are really well.

      There are a few grammatical errors I saw with commas as well as no punctuation on the last sentence. May I suggest having a beta reader?

      Overall, this is a fun read. It’s quite mischievous. I hope you continue to write and improve. I also can’t wait to see more from you. Thank you for writing and sharing your story.

      Reply
      1. S.T. Ockenner Avatar
        S.T. Ockenner

        Lunabear, Thank you so much for your review! I actually have written other stories. I put them on this website: https://mythicscribes.com/community/blogs/author/s-t-ockenner.6903/

        Reply
      2. S.T. Ockenner Avatar
        S.T. Ockenner

        “I believe this would flow better if the paragraphs were separated.”
        I’m not entirely what you mean by that, but I’ll work on the other things you suggested

        Reply
        1. Lunabear Avatar
          Lunabear

          It would make it a lot easier to read if you separated this wall of text into paragraphs. That’s all I meant. No offense.

          Reply
          1. S.T. Ockenner Avatar
            S.T. Ockenner

            I was not offended, I just was unsure what you meant. I will separate them now. Thank you.

            Reply
  15. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
    Arith_Winterfell

    “For a Little Bread”

    By Arith_Winterfell

    I stood just outside the pentagram of the summoning circle that had been crafted by Master Arith. Master Arith had left me alone to practice my summoning spells. He trusted me that far at least. I had just attempted yet another summoning and could feel the magical energy surge around me. Yet I was certain I’d miscast the spell by mistake. I panicked for a moment expecting my hair to burst into flames – again. I almost failed to notice the smoke rising from the middle of the pentagram. Once I saw it, I realized the summoning spell had indeed worked, but what did I summon!

    The smoke coalesced, becoming first opaque, and then solid. The form inside the pentagram was not what I was expecting. It was shaped like a man, but much smaller, perhaps a little shorter than your average gnome. It looked fairly emaciated, and very much like a withered old man, with knobby knees and a sunken belly. It had neither wings, nor horns, nor a tail. It didn’t look like a demon.

    “So, you have summoned me,” the little man said in a slow croak.

    “I, er . . . yes, I Master Roric have summoned you!” I drew myself up to my full height. The small creature immediately got on its knees and groveled before me. It gave me such a thrill to have power over another!

    “Yes, Gobly will share with you his secret spell.”

    I was wary. “What do you want in exchange for your secret magic?”

    “I want only a little food, for I am starving and always hungry,” the creature moaned piteously.

    I had a piece of bread in my pocket and held it up. “Yes, please give it to me!” the creature begged.

    I reached out to give it to the creature and it smiled wickedly! Too late I realized I’d reached out and broken the edge of the pentagram!

    The creature flicked one finger at me, and my hair burst into flames – again. I ran and doused my head in the nearby bucket.

    Reply
    1. S.T. Ockenner Avatar
      S.T. Ockenner

      That was humorous! I enjoyed the twist when it set the main character’s head on fire.

      Reply
  16. Chengir Avatar
    Chengir

    Another Odd Little Creature
    By Chengir

    There was something Jeremy had wanted to do, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember.

    Jeremy Archer sat in the back corner of a California bar, contemplating his conundrum. What was it he had wanted to do? He hated when he forgot simple things like this. Memory is such a funny thing. Should have written it down. There were too many things going on. Too many distractions.

    He stared at a wall calendar showing May 4th. He began listening to the conversations around the other tables. One of them was a conversation about politics. Some trade relations argument over an embargo. Too boring, Jeremy thought.

    Off in a far corner, an older man and a woman, most likely his wife, were quarreling with a younger man. They were discussing farming and the lack of rain recently. The boy looked completely disinterested in the conversation as the woman poured out more drinks. Suddenly he brightened and announced he wanted to go away to school. They lapsed into a disagreement. The old man was having none of it. He was coming up with excuse after excuse.

    At still another table, a young girl was haggling over some price with an excessively obese man who seemed determined to offer her a lower amount than she was expecting. Jeremy couldn’t understand why she thought it was so valuable. It looked like a broken piece of junk to him.

    All at once, two disagreeable-looking men stormed into the bar.

    “I’m telling you. Employers are looking for people like me. I’m wanted.”

    “No, you’re not.

    “Are too.”

    “No… you’re not.

    “Are too!” he shouted back.

    Jeremy overheard another dispute growing loud at the table next to him.

    “I’m telling you; we can take the main road.”

    “You can’t. There’s a detour. You gotta go all the way out into the desert.”

    “Main road’s open.”

    “Detour.”

    Pondering, Jeremy thought. Listening to the ‘are too’ and the ‘detour’ argument continuing. R2-D2, that’s was it! He was due at Billy’s house for the Star Wars Marathon. He’d better get going.

    Reply
    1. Karl Aegnor Avatar
      Karl Aegnor

      A very creative usage of the prompt, bringing in a well-known little creature at the end there. I enjoy the slice of life-yness this selection has, we see many people within this bar, each having their own stories no doubt, but seeing them through this limited lens really brings in how small they all are. Yet, somehow, they all create the experience of this bar. I enjoyed it, well done.

      Reply
  17. C.W. Spalding Avatar
    C.W. Spalding

    Leviathanslayer
    By C.W. Spalding

    Its teeth were like half-eaten apples: yellow and highly compostable. So Wynless buried them between the petunias and the lilies. As fertilizer. They sat, thirty whole, thirty needling teeth no larger than her pinky’s tip. And sprinkling them over the naked dirt she saw them wriggling through the soil like mealworms. The flowers grew up even as she scattered them. The bulbs got swollen, bloomed, and died before her very eyes.

    Its stain-glassed eyes, though shriveled and smaller than her own, she hollowed out. Those she set over the flames of her candles at night to snuff them out, and they glittered like the death of a storm beneath the touch of a hot wick.

    Its still-soft claws, dark and unnicked, she ran through a bracelet wire around her wrist. Its foot beans she plucked and crushed into an emerald paste which proved barely enough for a tube of her lipstick. Its wings she treated into leather for fingerless gloves, so small was the swath that remained.

    The bony plate of its tail she heated for a tea-sized spoon and the vertebrae of its back served only to read the clattering fall of her future soon to come. Its quicksilver scales she pulled off its skin, forced up away from its flesh using her own bloodied fingernails for leverage. Each one no larger than the size of her own nail, each one bright and new as the moon when it’s heavy with light. From those silvery scutes she made herself a corset, she had only enough to lace the scales as bones across it, bones as hard and unforgiving as the crackling frost of her own, frozen-over soul.

    It would have become Leviathan, the dragon of profundity. It’s name was Hutchley, who had worn away its egg-tooth off the tip of its snout beneath her back porch. Wynless was the Leviathanslayer, inheritance of infinity; Wynless was the Hutchleykiller, traitor of the honest heart.

    And thus decorated with the many pieces of an odd little creature, she wove a prayer to the steel-domed sky.

    Reply
    1. S.T. Ockenner Avatar
      S.T. Ockenner

      That was a well worded story, although I am unsure of what is happening.

      Reply
    2. Maggie Webb Avatar
      Maggie Webb

      This is a very picturesque scene, even if it’s a little grotesque as well. The second last paragraph is the more interesting of the piece, as it gives the context of what this creature was and who the point of view character is. The earliest hints of that are just one line above it, implying a frozen-over soul. I think maybe context could be given a little earlier, such as when looking into the creature’s eyes and holding its hands to make a bracelet. Either way, you’ve made a very beautiful, gruesome piece.

      Reply
  18. Chengir Avatar
    Chengir

    An Odd Little Creature
    By Chengir

    The gates of Asgard lay hidden from the eyes of men. Heimdall stood eternal guard over Bifrost, the rainbow bridge and the only entryway into Asgard. Music floated on the very air beyond the boundaries of artisans and the limitations of musicians. From the kitchens came the wondrous smell of ambrosia, the food of the gods. An aroma to excite the palate and enlighten the mind.

    Below, in the courtyard, countless warriors collected through the ages fought each other. All who were killed rose again each night to sit at feast in Odin’s great hall. The crash of swords rang like a thousand bells. The cries of battle sprang forth like thunder. The mighty clash of blade upon shield. They practiced day after day to be ready for Ragnarök, the final conflict between the gods and the giants of Jotunheim.

    “They fight well, brother,” Sif declared, sitting tall upon her steed.

    “They do indeed. If each of them wasn’t fathered by a black wolf in the full of the moon, my name is not Thor.” He answered her. “But will be enough? Who knows what powers the giants have been building with Loki to lead them? Who knows when Fenrir the wolf will awaken from his slumber and cover the sun?”

    Sif glanced up at the great throne of the ruler of Asgard. “Do not our warriors seem in fine shape, father? Ready as always for the ultimate battle.”

    “Yes, yes,” Odin replied without even looking. He now spent even more time looking into the All-Seeing Crystal, a worried expression on his face. “Come,” he motioned the two of them to approach, “take a look at this. An odd little creature don’t you think?”

    Thor peered into the crystal. “Can you hear what he is saying?” he asked.

    Sif put her ear to the wondrous glass. “So, is it done?” Sif repeated the quiet voices from inside the glass. “Yes. Operation Fenrir is now in full swing. They’ve launched all of their weapons. All our ICBMs are in the air, sir.”

    Reply
    1. Fredrick H. Avatar
      Fredrick H.

      Which is more curious to the other: those that control the very fabric of the cosmos or those who constantly alter it without realizing? An interesting set-up that implies a high fantasy setting, that is then subverted revealing the setting to be more urban fantasy or post-apocalyptic fantasy. I am curious as to the identity of the figure at the end as well as the identity of the god (Some phrasing made it unclear whether it was Thor or Heimdall that was speaking). Overall, a great piece.

      Reply
  19. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    On the Hunt
    by Lunabear (Edited by Insania404, Exce, Masacur, and Spectre) (Private Repost)

    Cooled winds pushed soft, white clouds across the open, blue sky. Dark green leaves twirled through the air from tall, scattered trees. Pale sunbeams streaked across the grassy field, and the blades bowed to the breeze.

    Arkina crouched on a warm rock above the slow-moving stream. Sunlight heated her dripping, golden fur as she continued studying her prey. The happily swimming fish reflected within her gray eyes, causing a deep growl from her stomach. Her small tail swayed in a metronomic manner.

    Arkina’s pointed ears twitched as a bird twittered from somewhere in the distance. She shivered from a cool breeze caressing her tiny body. Still, her vigilance remained unbroken.

    Glittering green scales danced against the water’s surface as a large school of fish swam by.

    Arkina’s short legs coiled like springs. Her heart drummed within her chest when one fish was far behind the rest.

    Focusing on the lagging fish, Arkina straightened her tail and bared her sharp canines. Her ears flattened back against her skull. She was ready to pounce until the fish stopped moving in a straight line. It spun like a hypnotist’s spiral, and Arkina fell under the illusion.

    She watched the little fish swim in wide, loose circles. It zigzagged from bank to bank before getting turned around. She noticed the fish had one fin smaller than the others.

    Her hunger was pushed to the background as her eyes mimicked the fish’s struggling movements.

    “You can do it,” Arkina whispered.

    As if hearing Arkina’s encouragement, the fish faced the correct direction and followed its group, albeit at a more haphazard pace.

    Arkina hopped from the rock and ran beside the stream. Her stubby legs made it strenuous to keep up, but she cheered the little fish on nonetheless. The fish slowly inched further ahead of her.

    A bend in the stream stopped Arkina in her tracks. She sat and drew cool air into her lungs.
    Watching the fish until it was lost from sight, a smile spread her face.

    Reply
    1. Makokam Avatar
      Makokam

      This was adorable.

      I honestly assumed cat and…now that I think about it nothing really said it wasn’t…
      Not even the talking. Animals can talk in stories.

      But this was a good, wholesome little story of shared troubles causing a bond that crosses even species lines. Even if in this case it was one sided and the fish (if it even noticed Arkina) was probably terrified.

      Reply
      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so very much, Mako. She’s actually a fox. I only now realized that I had the room to explore that, but oh well. Arkina can definitely empathize with this little fishy. For her species, she is very small and odd as well. One of her comrades in particular gives her grief about it because he’s a jerk like that. I hope to write more about her and her companions in the future.

        to be perfectly honest, I had not even considered it from the fishes side of the situation. But that’s pretty accurate, I believe. Poor little fish is probably terrified.

        I absolutely, wholeheartedly appreciate your review and your words all the same.

        Reply
    2. Marx Avatar
      Marx

      I fricking love this story. You set it all up beautifully. You genuinely had me wondering what would happen from one point to the next which is amazing in a story so short. But I love that it seemed like it would just be a story of hunter and prey before you find out that the hunter in this case can be empathetic, which just makes you like her even more. Awesome story!

      Reply
      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so very much, Marx. I was going to give a little more to her background in this piece, but then I just decided it would be better to zero in and focus on this dynamic with this little fish. Arkina, too, is very small and odd for her species, so she totally understands this fish’s struggle. I hope to write more about her and her comrades later on down the road.

        I thank you so very much for your kind words and your review. They have significantly improved my mood. Thank you so very much for taking the time out of your day.

        Reply
    3. Mango Gravy Avatar
      Mango Gravy

      I tend to fall in love with descriptions of natural environments. The atmosphere built in the first paragraph was beautifully done and pulled me in instantly. And such a serene, relaxing area was the perfect setting for a brilliantly heartwarming story.

      And telling this story from the perspective of an animal was nice as well. The subtle mention of “short legs” implies that this individual is young and that sells a feeling of innocent playfulness that really adds to the wholesome vibes of the story. This could have been achieved with a human child, but something about an animal setting aside its hunger to cheer on little Nemo just gets me feeling all fuzzy.

      Very nice. Good vibes. Me like much.

      Reply
      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so much for your enjoyment of the story as well as your review and feedback. You have no idea how buoyant that makes me feel. Hooray! I’m so glad you picked up on my Finding Nemo reference. It makes me so very happy that you got good vibes from the story. Honestly, I wrote it with that mindset because this last month and a half has been murder on my mental state.

        I’m also very thankful that I did the visual imagery justice and that you enjoyed it. Arkina is a sweetheart, and I hope to write more about her and her comrades in the future.

        Reply
  20. Insania404 Avatar
    Insania404

    Pawn In a Little Game (From Grael’s Library) [Private Repost]
    By: Insania404, proofread by Lunabear

    Scheal sat in the middle of the circle in the dim basement, staring at his executioner twitching in the opposite corner. The latest failure to complete his task made Scheal question whether he should start over again.

    He heard a voice. “So, this is what you have been up to. I should have known.”

    Scheal initially turned in the direction of the sound, but quickly realized it was coming from within his head.

    Scheal sighed. “What do you want, Grael? Show yourself.”

    A cracked stone hallway manifested and a limbless figure, propped up in an old leather chair, emerged from the darkness. “It pains me to appear in this fashion, Scheal. If that is what you require for us to speak, I will do so freely.”

    “What I want is to be left alone with my little toys. They make excellent puppets, you know. Take my executioner for example. Isn’t it fun to watch him struggle with what we would deem menial tasks?”

    “You are trying to change the subject, Scheal. I am not so easily fooled by such actions. If I did not know better, I would say you are brooding.”

    “You know that word is meaningless to me, as is anger and happiness. Bozmethol betrayed all of us, Grael. I simply want to find him. I just want to know why he made me this way. This is my executioner’s purpose.”

    “You are not after him for conversation. You want him to suffer for his betrayal. Though I do not blame you for this approach, I need not remind you that Bozmethol is as immortal as we are. He will not succumb to your manipulation as easily as your little friend.” Grael pointed his head toward the malnourished creature twitching in the corner.

    “My executioner doesn’t know the world he’s exploring is all in his mind. As far as he’s concerned, this is just another hurdle in his journey to the Lifelight. He does what he’s told, so long as he receives immortality.”

    “What will you do when you cannot fulfill your promise to him?”

    “I wasn’t going to.”

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This one has such an intense atmosphere, Insania. I think it’s a little bit clearer after a few more read-throughs(which is on me because that’s how my brain operates) that Scheal’s executioner went up against Bozmethol and didn’t fair too well. (I’m pretty sure you already explained this, and I just forgot). So sorry about that if that’s the case.

      I also love that Scheal is subtly experiencing emotions of revenge and anger because of the current state of his execution. It shows that, whether he realizes it or not, Scheal DOES feel things, just not at the same level as humans.

      Grael seems like a wise wizard to me, though that isn’t the case. I see him as that archetype, if that makes sense. He’s very expressive in his displeasure about the situation and tries to calmly guide Scheal to a feasible, less violent solution. It’s rather quite sweet, even if he IS in Scheal’s head. So, I guess that would make Grael sort of like Scheal’s conscience.

      This is a really well done story. I enjoy how there’s a lot of mystery involved. There’s also quite a bit of nuance between these characters. I love how they’re all connected in some way. I’m sincerely curious and excited as to what is next. Thank you so much for writing and sharing it.

      Reply
  21. T.E. Avatar
    T.E.

    Constellation
    by T.E.

    A starlit night, anxiety pleasantly numbed by hours at the bar. I stumbled home in the small hours. Face up towards the sky, diamonds shining down on me. What wondrous worlds hid up there? In plain sight, yet eternities away.

    I lived alone. A cottage in the woods, pleasantly remote. Just as I stumbled through the gate of my overgrown garden the stars began their dance. All of them, in some choreographed insanity, darted back and forth across the sky. Faster. Faster. I became acutely aware of the Earth spinning through the void of space. Lost my footing. Fell onto the damp forest floor.

    How many beers had I had? Not too many. When it comes to self-medicating I believe in moderation. Anyway, I stayed supine and kept my eye on the fairy-dance. The distant worlds came closer. Left their designated spots in the pitch-black night. Raced towards my neglected garden. Infinite suns, circling me, creating miniature constellations, infinitely far away, yet within my reach. They clumped together, a condensed constellation of arms and legs and heads. “Who… are you?” I managed to blurt out.

    “Zzzzzzxxxxx.”

    What a wonderful sound…

    Zx took me in their arms, lifted me to my feet. Its touch warm, pleasant. We stood there under the empty night sky, locked in a sweet embrace. Minutes passed, maybe hours. Somehow I now knew everything was right with the world. I led Zx inside, into my cottage, into my life.

    A romcom on the TV, a kettle on the stove. I danced around the kitchen humming a long-forgotten melody. Zx sat obediently on the couch. I had found peace. But when the sun’s first rays shone through the window I heard a horrible sound.

    “Zzzxxx!”

    The dream had passed, replaced by a horrible hangover and impenetrable loneliness.

    I am a nocturnal creature. Shunning the harsh light of day, its ruthless indifference. I’ve given up the bottle and every other sin I’ve practiced. Anything to be perfect for Zx, come back my love.

    Let the stars be mine…

    Reply
    1. Alex Avatar
      Alex

      This is quite an interesting piece. There is a lot of mystery involving the entity Zx. Your repeated mention of stars made me think they were something alien or ethereal, but it could very well also be an alcohol induced dream.

      Stylistically, I really like how this is written. Between the complex vocabulary and the rapid beats, especially in the first part of the story, I couldn’t help but be reminded a little of poetry. It really is quite the picture you’ve painted here.

      Well done!

      Reply
      1. T.E. Avatar
        T.E.

        That’s exactly the kind of thoughts I hoped to evoke! I’m also very happy that you liked the style. I’m still experimenting a bit, trying to find my voice, so it’s always nice to know someone enjoyed it.

        Reply
    2. C. W. Spalding Avatar
      C. W. Spalding

      I really liked this piece. I’m a sucker for the obscure reality, tho. It’s unclear to the POV whether what they experienced was real or if it was all in their own mind. And I love that.

      My biggest thing to pick at, if I had to choose, would be that the garden is overgrown. And well, gardens always are in these sorts of things, aren’t they? That is to say, the garden being described with the generic term “overgrown” makes this story less distinct as you rely on this literary shorthand.

      Again, though, that’s being picky on my part. I really liked this story, actually. And I wonder what Zx was!?

      Reply
      1. T.E. Avatar
        T.E.

        I’m so glad you liked it.

        That’s a great criticism regarding the overgrown garden, something I didn’t pick up on my own. You’re absolutely right. Looking over the text with new eyes I can see how it’s a kinda bland and uninspired descriptor. Thanks for pointing that out!

        Reply
    3. Karl Aegnor Avatar
      Karl Aegnor

      The lyrical writing style appeals to me, here. I like the way the image of the stars is woven through, and it all flows very nicely. Not a huge thing, but at the very end: “Anything to be perfect for Zx, come back my love.”, I think it is punchier if the comma becomes a period: “Anything to be perfect for Zx. Come back, my love.” It just feels like it flows better to me. Regardless, excellent work.

      Reply
      1. T.E. Avatar
        T.E.

        I agree, a period would have been punchier. Thanks for pointing that out. I’m very glad that the style appealed to you, as it’s a style I often find myself gravitating towards in my writing.

        Reply
    4. refreshing firecrumb Avatar
      refreshing firecrumb

      Ooh, this one’s neat. Really like the twist at the end, and how many different interpretations you can make of what happened. Was this an alien infiltrating the narrators dream to determine the value of the human race? Was this an angel or a dream demon determining the narrators worth? Or was it just the narrators subconscious trying to get them to improve their health? Any of these interpretations are valid. I also like the emphasis on the stars, as it makes the story feel… I guess ethereal? Great job, this was an enjoyable read.

      Reply
      1. T.E. Avatar
        T.E.

        Thanks for the kind words! That’s exactly what I was going for, especially trying to evoke a certain alien and ethereal feeling to the visitor and leaving it up in the air whether any of it was real.

        Reply
  22. berserker47 Avatar
    berserker47

    Journal Entry 129, “The Sleepeater”
    by berserker47

    The Sleepeater is a being of legend and myths. Its general form and shape varies from one story of a huge, giant beast to, which most of the stories will tell you, a small, humanoid Beetle. Because it mostly appears in the night, nobody knows what colors it has. No stories tell you if it eats or sleeps, but it does attack humans, in its own, dangerous ways.

    The Sleepeater is mostly seen by passengers, travelers, or homeless. It is said that the Sleepeater does only visit villages in midsummer, right before the clock rings midnight. Let’s take the report of a survivor as reference:

    “Sun ‘as touchin’ the horizon, when I saw that creature. Twas tiny, ‘bout the size of a newborn. I didn sleep, nah, I was awake, guardin the village. I didn think much bout it, and already was a bit tired, so I hardly even noticed it. But it turns out tha’ twasn’t a bad idea to stay awake. Next morning, you see, when I wanted to go to ma house, I noticed bloodstains on ‘vry door I walked past. Of course, I was worried, so I entered one, I think t’was the bakers house, and found the blood stains in there again, this time only on doors that led to the sleepin’ rooms of someone. And as I opened the door, you won’t believe me, I saw the baker and his wife, dead, with ripped open stomachs. Their innards were brutally removed, altogether formin’ the word “sleep well” on the floor.”

    As you can see, the Sleepeater doesn’t seem to be such a nice little creature, and even though it is not known if it actually was the Sleepeaters doing, but he is a bad omen. And if you choose to stay awake, it will haunt you until you eventually sleep.

    Reply
    1. LewdCharizard Avatar
      LewdCharizard

      The story reminds me of an SCP or a creepypasta. The tone of the narrator doesn’t match the events of the survivor’s story. He doesn’t express horror at a horrible event, and he doesn’t write in a purely factual way, like a medical text; he sounds like he’s narrating a nature documentary. If that’s intentional, I wouldn’t mind seeing it pushed even further that way. In the last paragraph “but he is a bad omen” may read better as “he is a bad omen.”

      Reply
      1. berserker47 Avatar
        berserker47

        thanks for the answer! yeah, i could work on the tone of the story, you are right. thanks again!

        Reply
  23. Alex Avatar
    Alex

    The Egg came first (Forsaken Universe)
    By Alex Nightingale (aka Spectre)

    The shuttle was packed with foraged supplies, as Rain piloted it back to the Fugere, with Newton sitting next to her. The hour long silence, was finally broken by Newton.

    “So, we’re not gonna talk about it?”

    “There’s nothing to talk about.”

    “I only ask, because this could have… implications.”

    “Of what kind. I told you, it is fine.”

    “It most certainly is not. If we still had enough fuel, I’d turn this shuttle around.”

    “Well, it’s only lucky that I waited to tell you, until now.”

    “I will have you know that I am very much not okay with this.”

    “What’s not to be okay about?”

    “Rain, you stole a baby!”

    “I did not steal a baby! I just… took an egg.”

    “A fertilized egg!”

    “Well, I didn’t know that it was fertilized, did I.”

    “How could you not know that? Wild eggs are usually fertilized!”

    “Oh, I’m sorry that I am not an expert on eggs. My planet does not have any, you know. I just thought it would make a nice omelet.”

    “You raided a wild nest… for an omelet?”

    “It wasn’t in a nest. It was just lying in the dirt, completely abandoned. And now that I know that there is an infant…”

    “Embryo.”

    “Embryo inside, I feel even better about taking it.”

    “Why, Rain? Just tell me, why?”

    “It could be our pet.”

    “We already have one. Blueberry, remember?”

    “Well, Blueberry can play with it.”

    “We don’t even know, what ‘it’ is. It could eat Blueberry. It could eat us.”

    “We can’t just abandon it. It was left there. Probably to die.”

    “Maybe there was a good reason for that.”

    A cracking noise caused them both to turn around. The egg had split open, revealing a tiny lizard head, looking around. The outline of tiny wings was just visible behind the eggshell.

    “I know it’s problematic,” Rain admitted. “But we can’t just ditch it, like its caretakers. There’s… enough loneliness to our situation.”

    “We know next to nothing about it.”

    “I know.”

    There was a pause.

    “What should we name it?” Newton asked.

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is a sweet one, Alex. I like the back and forth between Rain and Newton. Rain is a sweet, simple soul who can’t leave a poor, defenseless creature all by its lonesome. Newton brings a great balance to that with his stoicism and being the straight man.

      There’s some good humor with the banter. I really love build up to the reveal. The title also fits this really well because despite Newton initially being argumentative and apprehensive and not wanting to take the egg, he gives in at the end. So, they both decide to put the egg before other priorities, which I think is a very fun play on the title. This was a very fun read, and I honestly hope to see these two. They work well off of each other. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing it.

      Reply
    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Awwwww. The Forsaken Universe is a rather dark, lonely and sad setting, at least the small fragment of it I have read about so far – but this story is a lighter, more hopeful one, even if it is also filled with doubt over the unknown. This could easily go horribly wrong after all, especially if the little creature in the egg is a dragon like it seems to be.

      But at the same time, I can totally understand Rain’s choice, and how it was reinforced by finding out the egg was fertillised rather than weakened – alone on a broken spaceship like that, you would find any way to bring a bit of life and light and hope back into the place. Even if trying to do so would be a great risk, the consequences of the stasis might be even worse for them all.

      And I really liked how the last line was just Newton basically giving up his fears for now and accepting the new pet into their lives. Hopefully the little one helps them as best as they can, in their time of lonliness and need.

      Very well done Alex! 😀

      Reply
  24. Mango Gravy Avatar
    Mango Gravy

    How Peculiar
    By Mango Gravy

    Look at him. See how he frets over his income. Watch as he wishes for riches, as if that would solve all his problems.
    He doesn’t see me as I pull his very consciousness out of his body and consume it.

    Now look at her. She seeks acceptance. She wants to prove herself to her colleagues so she may never be looked down upon. Noble, certainly. Relatable even.
    They haven’t an inkling of my all-encompassing presence. I consume her and her colleagues alike. Already I was beyond their comprehension, and with each mind I consume, I grow further still.

    And these ones. See how they suffer. They truly understand loss and yet the world is poised to take more from them.
    Some of them see their erasure as a mercy, an end to their torment. A very human concept, mercy. Is it beneath me? Perhaps it is beyond me.

    Ah, a wise man in meditation. This one senses my approach. He has made a step towards the infinite, as I did so long ago, and this allows him to perceive me.
    My vastness breaks him. It tries to comprehend me, and as I consume it I sense the agony of a mind as it buckles beneath the strain.
    How lucky am I that I didn’t suffer the same fate? That nothing consumed me in my infancy? That some far greater being doesn’t simply consume me now, as I do these little ones?

    Look at me. Am I any different from them? I grow, unfettered by mortality or corporeality and I have a much better understanding of my place, and still I find the true vastness of existence blindingly scintillating. After all, what is my infinite potential in the face of infinity itself? I may continue to incorporate entire universes into myself, but an unending stream of reflections remain. I am, and always will be, infinitesimal.

    No matter what, it seems we will forever be little blips in the big picture. I see that now.

    How peculiar that I still pursue it.

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Oooohhhh, Mango! This feels like an incredibly existential Lovecraftian being. The reader gets some information on it, but not everything. And even with that information, the being still feels quite ‘OTHER’. It feels like it very much exists within and outside of human time.

      The two strongest emotions I get from this being are conflicted revelry and resigned pursuit. It doesn’t want to continue in some regards but in other cases, its drawn to consuming the souls of humans. The tentative threads of common connections between it and the humans give it human-like qualities. I also love how there MIGHT be a chance to revert it back to its original state, but there’s no way to know for certain or test that. There’s also no way of knowing what will happen if it is able to become human again.

      The reveal that the being was once human at the end brings it all together. How the being became this other is shrouded in mystery, but it’s pretty wild that some human qualities have still carried over. It makes sense, but it’s also nuts. I wonder how long it’ll be before its humanity completely fades and the slow spiral into compulsory seeking overtakes it. It’s honestly quite a tragic existence. Having to feed off of humans so that it can maintain its current state of non physical being well also driven by relentless nstinct to know and understand more about the universes. That sounds horrific.

      A beautifully tragic take on the prompt. It definitely gives me a lot to think about. Thank you for writing and sharing this. It’s wonderful.

      Reply
      1. Mango Gravy Avatar
        Mango Gravy

        And thank you. Your review has made my entire week. The amount of thought you’ve given to my story is making me feel all bubbly and has thoroughly lifted my spirits.

        Reply
  25. Textualpoacher Avatar
    Textualpoacher

    PR Initiative No. 81
    By Textualpoacher

    The little creature appeared in their office one day. No one knew exactly what it was, but Thompson from Downtown Development checked it out and told them it didn’t feel like an animatronic. It was fuzzy brown, one foot tall, and warm to the touch. Had eyes wide like a deer and little claws on its four green feet. Walked around alright by itself, so they let it in and out like a stray cat whenever it clawed at the door. Eventually they just let it borrow their ID card; the boss wasn’t strict about that sort of thing.

    They could have left the matter there, but PR thought it would be a good idea if the public got a look at the little creature and saw their friendly neighborhood bureaucrats playing with a pet. The first stunt they tried was getting the little creature an employee ID and post the picture on the city government’s Facebook. Well, IT had something to say about that. The system wouldn’t let them print the card without a government-issued form of identification. A driver license or a passport, and without that it’d just be impossible, they said. Can’t circumvent these rules willy-nilly just because it’d be convenient for you.

    They got the okay from the DMV before trying to teach the little creature how to drive. In the meantime they were hung up on what name to put on the license, mainly because the vote went for “Edgar” and the other Edgar was adamant against being called Fat Edgar now, just to differentiate, you see, and avoid any unfortunate misunderstanding. It was then that Paula the intern, the nice-looking one, it was then that she came in and told them about the hit-and-run. Edgar didn’t mean to do it, she said, and he was terribly shook up about the whole thing. His little feet couldn’t reach the brakes and well, now they just got to convince him to do the right thing.

    Reply
    1. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLSKN

      This piece feels almost comedic, like a mix of The Office and Twilight Zone. I think you executed that aspect really well, Text. Edgar feels like a character, despite never actually being onstage/onscene. Everything about Edgar comes from someone else’s perceptions, which made using Third Person Omniscient a fantastic choice.

      The one place it falls flat for me is the ending. The final part is confusing (what is the right thing?) and the line tonally different from the rest of the story.

      Great work! Are we going to see more of this?

      Reply
      1. Textualpoacher Avatar
        Textualpoacher

        Thank you for the comment! I think it would have been better had I just written “do the right thing and turn himself in.” And this was definitely meant to be a comedic escalation piece so I’m very happy you got that vibe! I can’t think how it would have escalated further though haha.

        Reply
    2. C. W. Spalding Avatar
      C. W. Spalding

      I love the aspect of whimsy you’ve captured in this response. I’d say the only thing I didn’t quite understand was getting the creature to do “the right thing” which seemed like a large leap. But then again, it kinda worked with the idea of enforcing humanity on something alien? Overall I really enjoyed this one because of its tone, and see this as the beginning of a project of much larger scope? Thanks for sharing your work!

      Reply
      1. Textualpoacher Avatar
        Textualpoacher

        Thank you for the comment! I think it would have been better had I just written “do the right thing and turn himself in” lol. And thank you for saying you enjoyed the tone!

        Reply
  26. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    The Little Living Doll (Alice’s Story)
    By Calliope Rannis

    Clan Healer Alvyn bustled into the bedroom, immediately looking towards the other gnomes in the room. Orryn Brighteyes, cleric of the Bereppen clan, was looking down into a small wicker basket, deep in thought. The mother, Lorilla Kel, was clearly still exhausted from her recent ordeal. Her head turned towards the healer, confusion and fear etched across her face. He smiled reassuringly towards her, and stepped towards the basket to see…

    …a perfectly healthy baby? Just lying quietly in the basket’s blankets. There didn’t seem to be any signs of distress or ill health at all.

    The healer turned towards the cleric. “I’m sorry, why was I called with such urgency? This child seems perfectly healthy.”

    Orryn pondered for a moment longer before speaking. “Well, she’s definitely not undead. I checked.”

    Alvyn blinked. “I mean – yes? Isn’t that obvious to everyone here?” He looked between the others, unsure if this wasn’t some elaborate prank.

    “It’s just-” Lorilla took a deep breath, “it’s just how she moves…” She reached out with a tentative, shivering hand over the basket.

    That got the baby’s attention immediately. Their head turned towards the outstretched hand with a sudden motion, pupils dilating in recognition. A tiny arm bent to an uncannily precise 90-degree angle at the joint, before jerkily extending upwards.

    The healer looked on with fascination as the child’s limb stopped shortly before Lorilla’s nearby hand, opened their own in a single simultaneous motion of fingers, and pushed forwards. Small fingers closed around their mother’s own with the same smoothness with which they had opened.

    The movements brought Alvyn’s mind to wind-up figures and toys. Those jerky, automatic movements, trying to emulate life.

    But this child was already alive! Clearly breathing, reaching, thinking – so why were they like this?

    He looked towards Lorilla’s face once again, as she stared at her baby’s little hand, her eyes bright and filled with tears. She was happy, and scared, and scared of her happiness too.

    Alvyn reached out to take her other hand. “Don’t worry, Lori. We will all be here for you. No matter what comes next.”

    Reply
    1. Alex Avatar
      Alex

      This is a sweet story, but I do recognize some of the uncanny undertones. It’s true that the movement of the child seems very robotic, but you word it with enough subtlety to root it in the uncanny valley. I do understand Lorilla’s apprehension.

      Given the universe name, I assume the child is the Alice in question? You did an excellent job of conveying the idea that something is off about the infant. Not necessarily sinister, but certainly… well, odd.

      Good job!

      Reply
    2. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      I really liked this story’s combination of fear and love as expressed by the character Lorilla. The story manages to capture the heart-warming nature of a mothers love for her newborn child, while at the same time capturing her concern for that newborn’s health. Yet further as with the line “scared of her happiness” captures also the real unease of knowing something may be terribly wrong and being afraid of that wrongness (and thus the child). The story manages to blend both emotions really well.

      As to criticism, the only thing that caught my eye was the small omission of (I think) the word “to” in the line “The movements brought [to] Alvyn’s mind” but otherwise it looks like the story went well. Good job! I look forward to more interesting tales about Alice.

      Reply
    3. Marx Avatar
      Marx

      Aww this is such a sweet story. Not gonna lie though. I kind of had to stop reading to get over my laughing fit from the healer’s confusion at everyone needing to confirm that the baby wasn’t a zombie. It’s just the mental image of “Well of COURSE she’s not a zombie! Why do you think she’s a zombie?!” It just really funny in my head.

      Anyway! Onto the actual story! You did a great job describing Alice’s movements and it would look really damn creepy if a baby moved like that(also mimicked the actual movement IRL just to confirm this lol). It would actually get creepier the longer the pause is between the next motion.

      But it’s also really sweet because Alice clearly cares for her mother and that love is obviously returned even if it’s wrapped in a nice little blanket of fear. I think the fear of her happiness line was a great addition here. It really wrapped everything up nicely. Great story!

      Reply
  27. LewdCharizard Avatar
    LewdCharizard

    The Thoroughly Terrible Princess Who Would Be Better Served to Cause Less Trouble Thank You Very Much
    by LewdCharizard

    Once upon a time there was a princess. She had blonde hair and was wildly keen about the goings on of the world. She

    “Red hair. I would look better with red hair.”

    Excuse me?

    “I SAID, I SHOULD HAVE RED HAIR.”

    Very well. However, I can hear you clearly, and princesses should not shout. It is unbecoming.

    There was once a princess who’s hair was as red as a quite reddish flower. She was sitting in a field admiring the little pond and its little lively frogs. Surely, this year I shall find my prince, she thought.

    “I’d rather think of dragons.”

    I have a plan, and a prince is integral.

    “Maybe dragons should be ‘integral.’”

    They are not.

    And the princess found she would no longer speak directly to unseen entities. And, in having her voice freed from these frivolities, she wondered aloud if her prince was perhaps wearing a tunic as green as hers, and if he, too, was thinking of her.

    “I wonder if my prince is wearing a tunic as green as mine, and I wonder if he too, would much rather be wearing purple, and if he would rather think of dragons. Oh, deary me, a prince who thinks of dragons, that would be lovely indeed. Don’t you agree, you horrid little pond frogs?”

    Suddenly, and quite deservedly, the princess transformed into a frog with purple skin and red spots. And, she resembled the posterior-most region of a dragon. Quite luckily for her, however, a witch, who did not wish to become a frog, happened to watch the entire ordeal.

    “Ribbit ribbit, ribbit. RIBBIT!” croaked the horrid little princess.

    “Never heard a princess say those words before. Anyways, I bet that frog would fetch 500 gold coin at market, especially from a prince….”

    …

    “Especially because, as a witch, I can cast a frog speaking spell.”

    As it would so happen, a prince carrying 500 gold coins would visit the market that very day.

    “Deal.”

    Reply
    1. Yearly Avatar
      Yearly

      Ok, I loved reading this. It’s really funny but also pretty dark (I wonder what the implications of such a narrator would be haha). Truly the Princess became an odd little creature. I like how you subvert the stereotypical way of storytelling. Very well done, very good take on the prompt. I honestly didn’t expect to read something like this.

      Reply
      1. LewdCharizard Avatar
        LewdCharizard

        Thank you, I’m glad you like it. And yeah, the narrator is absolutely the villain of the story.

        Reply
    2. Sarah Herbison Avatar
      Sarah Herbison

      Awesome story. I love the breaks in the 4th wall, this story gave me quite a chuckle. Terry Pratchett vibes or twisted Disney. I like it!

      Reply
      1. LewdCharizard Avatar
        LewdCharizard

        Thank you. Laughter is the highest praise I could hope for.

        Reply
    3. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      This is a funny and really interesting meta-story with the annoying Princess interacting with the narrator of the story. I did have a couple of small points of confusion, but understood the story pretty well as a whole. One small area that I noticed was at the end of the first paragraph where it ended with “She” and cut off abruptly. I think there should be some sort of break like a — or something to show the narrator is being interrupted more clearly. Another small point of confusion for me was in the simple “. . .” line by itself. I wasn’t sure if it was a break in the story to change to another scene, or (as I assume) simply the witch pausing and not verbally responding to the narrator directly out of fear. Either way, I really liked the tale, it was witty and sharp. Well done!

      Reply
      1. LewdCharizard Avatar
        LewdCharizard

        Thank you. I was trying to decide whether or not to use a — or not. I wanted it to seem abrupt like it wasn’t part of a planned writing; I was afraid breaking that convention would be too distracting to do what I wanted it to, so that answers a question I had about it. The … was supposed to signal a pause by the narrator since all of their parts are not in quotes. I’m still not sure how I could do it differently without adding a narrator on top of the narrator (which could be fun if I had the space for it).

        Reply
  28. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
    RVMPLSTLSKN

    The Firstborn
    By RVMPLSTLTSKN (Saga of The Deep One’s Wake)(Repost from Private)

    The girl who was born a gremlin, grew through goblinesque years of toddling and acquired an elfin cast in childhood, chose the name Klajonas. She was born of strong-willed parents and was never the sort who needed a courageous symphony to experience life. Not that there were any symphonies in the holy city.

    She was called ‘Baby’ until she chose her name. By Vienas, ‘Baby’ was laced with femine meaning. By Padas, it was simply a noun.

    They had decided to let ‘Baby’ choose a name because they were afraid of everything that might happen and had happened to them. They too remembered the days in childhood when they wished they could have chosen their own names.

    Vienas was the parent most disappointed. She had longed to pass on, as her legacy, the knowledge of reading and magic. She had wanted to hear the spells again, the prayers and mutual discovery of new ideas. And a child’s laughter deep in the scrolls.

    But Padas saw the way Baby looked out at the horizon and begged for stories. He knew he had done the same and broken his own mother’s heart. It was the wistful, longing look of a sailor. He knew Baby’s soul had chosen already and so he broke his wife’s heart. He told Baby the tale of Klajonas the Wanderer.

    When he came to the part about Klajonas choosing his Lover over his own legs, Baby chuffed. Both adults cried to themselves that night.

    When Baby was older, she took to foraging. Her sister read to her which herbs were unsafe and how to test new ones. She gathered and stored and one day she realised her life’s plight, every creature in the world, every plant, even the stones and earth had a coupling. But not her. The only man she had ever known was her quiet father who told her nightly that she must be strong.

    She did not return to the temple she called a house that night. Or the next. Nor for many more. Padas never found her, though he nearly died looking.

    Klajonas wandered.

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is a bittersweet tale, RVMP. I appreciate that they allowed her to pick her own name. Giving the reader a small tidbit of both of their backgrounds and why they made this decision is really smart.

      Critiques:

      I feel like you could have saved her full name until the end. Learning the story of where she chose it from and why it means so much to her could have had a greater impact if her full name was told at the end.

      For this story, I don’t think mentioning the sister is necessary. I understand maybe why you did it: so that the reader can understand that Padas and Vienas had more than one child.

      Showing that both parents have their own level of disappointment in their daughter’s lifestyle while also being supportive of her is so refreshing. They disapprove and they’re upset, but they respect her and they love her choices for her life. That’s so beautiful. Thank you for writing and sharing it.

      Reply
  29. Skorak Avatar
    Skorak

    Death 101
    Skorak

    Death… My name… is death…

    Or Hades, Or Yama. Maybe… Izanami?. I dunno. After all, I just learned how to think

    Greetings on repeat dear diary. My name is Charon. Yup, Charon. Anubis told me that keeping a diary, like this, will make me start comprehending the concept of death. Oh, I guess you may be wondering who Anubis is. He’s me. Well… I guess he’s my predecessor. He told me that as the only celestial that naturally ages, death has to eventually find a successor. He created me out of the memories of a dying civilisation infused with a part of his own flesh, how cool is that?. Anyhow, Anubis said he’d take me to watch the death of a human now. I’m so excited, I’ll finally be able to learn what death is all about!

    Greetings on repeat dear diary… I don’t want to be death anymore… I just don’t. It was horrible. So much sadness, so much loss. the Man died in pain, thinking of his offspring. Is this my purpose?. Why do I have to be the one to decide when someone is denied their life?. And Anubis… He was so still, so… calm during all of it. I’m gonna go and ask him to erase me right now, he can surely find a more qualified successor. So… I guess this is goodbye.

    Greetings. I guess this… isn’t goodbye yet. Once Anubis heard my request, he brought me to an unnamed planet. Microscopic bacteria lived there, barely conscious, their deaths numbering in the thousands. I pleaded with him to stop, take me away. But he didn’t. I stayed there for… I don’t remember, my eyes were closed. Eventually, I opened them. The planet was changed. The soil was green and primitive reptiles were roaming the terrain. It was vibrant, alive. That’s when Anubis took me back here, told me that if I still wished to abandon my duties, I was free to roam the universe. be the “god of whatever the fuck I want”…

    Dear diary, I think I want to be death after all

    Reply
    1. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLSKN

      This is a fascinating piece, Shorak! The idea of death begetting death to beget life is a really unique take on the cycle.

      I’ve got a couple pieces of feedback. The first is wordpress (tale foundry) specific: double return for paragraph breaks. It makes reading easier and Benji really likes not having to do it while practicing for the stream. 😉 I understand this might lead to confusion in this tale, but a hyphen or em dash immediately preceding each diary entry would help that, if there is confusion.

      The second is that it isn’t necessary to put a period after a question mark. (In fact, the only punctuation marks that follow a question mark are parentheses, quotation marks and an exclamation point to make an interrobang mark)

      You also missed a capital in “be the ‘god of whatever…’” I’m thinking that period could also be a comma or semicolon though.

      Great piece!

      Reply
      1. Skorak Avatar
        Skorak

        Thank you very much for your feedback. I’m sorry about the punctuation errors. English is my second language so some of these rules escape me. For example: I… Don’t really understand what a double return for paragraph breaks is. Should I let another line of space between paragraphs?

        Reply
        1. RVMPLSTLSKN Avatar
          RVMPLSTLSKN

          No need to apologise, mate. 😉

          Double return (or double enter) is exactly that. Just an empty line between paragraphs.

          Reply
    2. Mango Gravy Avatar
      Mango Gravy

      The idea of death’s successor is an intriguing one. It very much humanizes both the predecessor and the incoming incarnation, as the prior is on the verge of retirement and the latter is in need of training. Not things one might typically associate with a force of nature.
      But, if I’m being honest, being the” god of whatever the fuck” doesn’t sound like a bad deal.

      Reply
  30. CorrectCetacean Avatar
    CorrectCetacean

    Overview effect
    by correct ceteacean

    Did you know that ants fight wars? These small creatures, vastly different to us in intelligence and size, do things we do. To think there are things in common with creatures that could never hope to fully comprehend us. Makes you wonder if something else is out there, doing the same things on a bigger scale. So big that we couldn’t really wrap our heads around it. That’s part of what got me into astronomy. There’s something about the bigness of it all, about that feeling of realizing just how small and insignificant we are, that makes me feel amazing. We are on the verge of something great, whether we know or want it or not.

    I’ve always believed in aliens. Not in the conspiracy theory kind of way, of course, just considering how big the universe is, there must be something out there. Humans aren’t that special.

    I’m not crazy. I know what happened last night. I know it was real. Describing it is hard. My body freezes if I think about it too much. Last night, I saw something big pass over the sky, blocking out the stars. It appeared to be bleeding a kind of thick golden liquid. It twitched slightly, then was still. Others like it passed by carrying strange devices I couldn’t recognise. They didn’t notice me watching them. They appeared to be fighting each other. I don’t know why or what about.

    They were doing this, fighting their giant wars, living lives, feeling pains I could never imagine, dreaming dreams I could never understand, and there I was, this odd little creature, standing there amongst all that. following the same lines they were. We both woke up in the morning, we went to work at our vastly different jobs. We felt fear. it all felt very pointless. We step on ants without thinking. We don’t care about them. They are less than us. But we don’t want to be stepped on, even though we are much closer to ants than we are to the things I saw. I never kill ants anymore.

    Reply
    1. Yearly Avatar
      Yearly

      Real dark tone, with a message, which is impressive. “We step on ants without thinking” is such a poignant line. I like the contrast between our own, relatable, reality and the “other” thing that the narrator sees in the sky. Really like this take on the prompt, it manages to still encapsulate the idea of “odd little creature” while having a grand scope.

      Reply
    2. C. W. Spalding Avatar
      C. W. Spalding

      Fricking yes. The tone is excellent! The imagery of ants is pretty old, kind of worn out, but I still love it. Also, I like the description of what the narrator saw in the sky. It’s mysterious and ominous in a way that reminds me of… Can’t remember the name. But like astrological terror? Something like that. Anyhow, loved this, great job.

      Reply
  31. Yearly Avatar
    Yearly

    Creatures Great and Small –
    By Yearly

    Condiment, High Lord of the Known Galaxy, Prince of Totality and Grand Champion Meteorite Golf Player stared in bemusement at the creature before him. It was small, far smaller than the mighty Condiment (who stood at a whopping twenty feet tall, large for even a starborn). It squirmed in its energy cage, scrambling about in order to avoid the gaze of the starborn congregated around it.

    “So, you picked this little fellow up at that Milky Way place?” Condiment’s voice echoed throughout the vast chamber. The solar energy that radiated through his skin flared when he spoke. A shorter starborn acknowledged him.

    “Yes, lord. We thought we had searched the entire sector but found these things on our exit. We thought you might enjoy them, amusing little critters.”

    “I must say, it is an odd looking animal. Far smaller than any of the other sapients we’ve discovered. And such a small brain. Really, most interesting indeed!”

    At this, Condiment plucked the energy cage off the table and held it to his massive, glowing face. The thing inside shielded its eyes and bent over, whimpering.

    “Hair and skin? An interesting combination, not the usual style you see around these parts.Very natural, very bold, I like it!”

    Condiment gave a titanic grin and placed the creature and its cage back on the pedestal. The creature fell on its face and covered its ears.

    “And you say there are more of them?”

    “Around seven billion at last count sir. A small population. Shall we take some more, for further research?”

    Condiment raised one of his tentacles and rubbed his head in a pensive manner. He leaned down once more to observe the now still creature. With an expert eye, he overlooked it, before rising and sinking into thought once more. The room fell silent, the thirty or so starborn all watching the Lord for his answer.

    “Take a couple for now. If they prove boring, we can turn their world into a putting green.”

    The pink beast in the cage watched in fear as the enormous entities around it began to laugh.

    Reply
    1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      This is so cute!! But also kind of scary in a way, haha!!
      What an awesome twist of the prompt!! I love it!!

      “Condiment, High Lord of the Known Galaxy, Prince of Totality and Grand Champion Meteorite Golf Player”–is such a fun first line, and a great way to set up the tone!

      I really like the way you described the Starborn. You are able to show with simple descriptions vastness of them, and it really added to the vividness of the story. I absolutely love lines like “The solar energy that radiated through his skin flared when he spoke.” Really shows how awe-inspiring these creatures are, despite the more comedic tone.

      “Hair and skin? An interesting combination, not the usual style you see around these parts.Very natural, very bold, I like it!”–Don’t know why, but I loved this line, haha! It’s like he’s an editor reviewing someone’s pitch XD

      “we can turn their world into a putting green.”–Amazing how simultaneously hilarious and horrifying this line is!!

      Just overall I love the combination between the vastness and the comedic-ness. Like, often comedy makes things feel…smaller in a way? Because the story is funny things sometimes don’t leave as much of an impact, but I like how you can tell this race really is awe inspiring…yet they are golfers and their prince is named “Condiment” and that’s just fabulous XD

      I get lots of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy vibes from this. This was a really great read, that made me smile!!

      Reply
      1. Yearly Avatar
        Yearly

        Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is such a good book, while it wasn’t intentional I’m glad that some of the essence wormed its way into this. Thank you for the kind words!

        Reply
    2. C. M. Weller Avatar
      C. M. Weller

      Alien abductions are because space-posers want exotic pets. LOL. I love it. It’s just… taking every conspiracy theory and alleged sighting and turning them into possibly the silliest story I have ever seen on the topic.

      Especially the name. Pure linguistic coincidence, I’m sure 9_9

      Other things to love about this:

      * “Around seven billion” being “a small population
      * Earth as a putting green + meteorite golfing == didn’t this happen to the dinosaurs?
      * Hair and skin being unique and fascinating

      Concerns:

      + Starborn are like fire critters from Starbound, are they not?
      + Did the captive human get sunburn from exposure to Lord Condiment?

      Reply
      1. Yearly Avatar
        Yearly

        Thank you so much! Of course it was linguistic coincidence 😉
        And to address your concerns – Sorry, have never seen anything Starbound related before, and yes, there was probably some sunburn discovered after this event! If only I could have had the space to fit it in.

        Reply
  32. Sarah Herbison Avatar
    Sarah Herbison

    Worm
    Ashra Horizonstar
    Crawling through the damp, cold earth. Inching its way over decayed leaves and dead branches until it dug deep into the black soil. It crawled through the loose, rich earth for some time until finding the mother load.

    Rancid, rotting flesh enticed the creature to crawl to it. A mouth ringed with thousands of tiny, jagged teeth hooked into the eyes of the corps. The worm sank into the jelly of the eye, slurping up every decaying morsel. Nature requested this being to return to the earth.

    As the worm ate the precious jelly, a flash of memory passed through its simple mind. It remembered hatching, crawling into the soil, consuming and defecating, returning debris to the rich soil. Before that, there was only darkness. The darkness grew deeper and warmer. Then cold, hard light.

    Before he was born to crawl, he walked. He had arms and legs and stood upright. He was in a distant land. They sold children on the street here; they were his to consume. Part of his collection. He was the monster that returned them to the earth; no one cared to look for them. Consuming youth and returning it to the earth, the children were his to slaughter.

    Holding a child’s cold dead hand, admiring his work, his collection. Startled by shouting in a foreign tongue, and the door swinging open. The light hurt his eyes. Gunfire roared through the darkness—blood, and bits of flesh scattering against the earth and the soil. Coldness and ringing faded away to silence and black.

    The next memory was breaking through a thin shell into the warm earth. No limbs, no sight, only smell towards the delicious rot of its former host.

    Reply
    1. Skorak Avatar
      Skorak

      Gnarly, I like it. Horrible people getting what they deserve. Ancient, unexplainable curses just… working their magic. I dunno how to be too constructive about this since I mostly liked all of it. The descriptions were raw and had a real sense of punch behind them. Definitely a good, cathartic read for me

      Reply
  33. C. M. Weller Avatar
    C. M. Weller

    Hail and Well Met
    C. M. Weller

    It had been a rough winter, which was why Brother Felis was out on the steppes. He’d done well enough with Halfling luck and the Dawn Lord’s second chances. There was enough meat to tide the temple over for two weeks or more.

    He made camp on the lee side of a boulder, where some shrubbery still persisted in showing green. He could try to coax it into growing berries… if there was need. Felis was debating the need when he noticed something amidst the branches. Something still and staring.

    As he bent to gain a better view, it sprang. Brown fur, sharp fangs, a blur of claws scraping against Felis’ armour. The shock of it felled him more than the weight of the creature. Instinct made him throw it off. The thud and crack from the landing would have cheered any fighter… but he was not a fighter.

    The small figure did not rise. It was… a child? A Bugbear, but also a child. Tiny, despite how large they were full-grown. Dressed in a loincloth and a blanket, armed with a knife that barely qualified. Also starving, injured, weak, and desperate.

    “I’m sorry,” he said, doffing his cloak to wrap the child. “I didn’t know you needed.” Felis added a hare to the spit, and held the child close.

    The little bugbear fought weakly, trying to resist Felis feeding them some broth from the cauldron. Until they realised that it was food and then struggled to gain more.

    “Slowly, little one. You don’t want to burn yourself. Little sips.”

    Bugbears must grow head first, since this one seemed to be all mouth and little of limb or body. They raised the knife once, and hesitated. “Why?” they said. “I’m weak and little. You’re not.”

    “There’s more than one way to be strong,” soothed Felis. “There’s the way of the warm heart and accepting arms. I can teach you, if you like.”

    The knife dropped from the child’s paw. “I’ll try it.”

    Reply
    1. Sarah Herbison Avatar
      Sarah Herbison

      Adorable piece. I enjoyed the description of a wee bugbear and a human capable of reasoning with it.

      Reply
    2. Skorak Avatar
      Skorak

      Definitely a feel-good type of story. Really liked the vibes it had going on and the fact you made the creature a monster traditionally thought of as Evil. I think these types of stories involving reaching out and finding the good in what most people would consider a “monster” are most fascinating

      Reply
    3. Connor A. Avatar
      Connor A.

      This was so sweet! I like that Felis is so patient with this Bugbear despite the child trying to attack him at first. This piece does an excellent job in establishing who Felis is as a character while also giving a subtle lesson in how circumstances do not immediately justify violence, which is definitely something that happens in D&D from time to time.

      Reply
    4. Marx Avatar
      Marx

      Awwww! This is such a sweet story! I really love the idea that kindness can be just as contagious as brutality and this story is a great example of it. Even without seeing that the bugbear has clearly had a rough life from their physical form, you can tell it by their expectations of how things were going to go, which only made Felis’ kindness that much sweeter at the end. Very well done!

      Reply
  34. Marx Avatar
    Marx

    This Isn’t Going to End Well
    By Marx

    “MATT!”

    Before Matt could register the high-pitched squeal, he was already being borderline tackled by a blur. It wasn’t enough to take him off his feet but it did throw him off balance. Looking down, he saw the short creature hugging his waist. “Um… hi?”

    “It’s me!” She exclaimed excitedly, releasing Matt to take flight so she could see him at eye level. She had short black hair and pointy ears, her flight making a point of showing off her four rainbow-colored dragonfly-esque wings. “I’m Lynette!”

    “Nice to… meet you?” Matt replied, cocking his head to the side.

    “Matt?” Laila chimed in, her own large, feathered wings wrapping around her like a white cloak. “Remember when I said good people have fairies as familiars? And that you already had one?”

    “Oh…” Matt nodded sheepishly. “Well then… This is really awkward…”

    Another woman appeared next to Matt, draping herself over his shoulder. Her batlike wings spread wide while her eyes, which were split like a cat’s, glowed a deep crimson. “Hello Lynette. I’m Mara. Matt’s familiar.”

    Lynette’s eyes bulged in shock. “Laila… why is this demon saying she’s Matt’s familiar? And why aren’t you killing her for getting that close to him?”

    “So…” Laila winced. “Remember when I said that Matt wasn’t ready for a familiar yet?”

    “Yes! I remember that very well!”

    “Well… my projected timeline for that might have been… ever so slightly off…”

    “Ya think?!” Lynette shrieked, stamping her feet. “How could you let this happen?! She’s a demon!”

    “She’s actually really sweet once you get to know her.” Matt defended.

    “I’m sweet to YOU.” Mara corrected. “And Laila, I guess. Because she’s your friend. I couldn’t give a crap about this fairy.”

    “Mara, behave…”

    “This isn’t fair! You’re mine! You’re supposed to be MINE!”

    “Someone should explain to her how the power dynamic works for familiars.” Mara purred in Matt’s ear.

    As Lynette looked like she was about to explode, Mara continued with a smirk, “If she’s mad now, she’s really gonna flip when she finds out that Laila’s also your familiar.”

    Lynette’s eye twitched.

    “………WHAT?!”

    Reply
    1. C. M. Weller Avatar
      C. M. Weller

      Sounds like Lynette’s based more on J. M. Barrie’s version of fairies. Only room for one emotion in there. When they feel it, they feel ALL of it. [Which lead to at least one case of. attempted homicide IIRC] I kind of already love her.

      There’s going to be a custody battle between fairy and demon for Matt, isn’t there? Perhaps a slow-burn enemies-to-bff’s thing where Matt ends up doubly powerful for reasons? Or even triply powerful?

      Somehow, I see a sort of thing where either side is trying to buy Matt’s favour with gifts, much like divorcing parents are wont to do…

      Reply
      1. Marx Avatar
        Marx

        Lol I do think Lynette is definitely very Tink-esque, including her selfish tendencies which end up leading to the attempted murder of percieved love interests. That is a very great way to put it.

        As for the enemies to bffs lol, not quite. That’s more the Laila/Mara dynamic. With Lynette, it’s just more a… series of unfortunate events where her selfishness and possessiveness of Matt end up royally coming back to bite her later.

        As the title says… this does not end well for her unfortunately lol.

        Reply
    2. Connor A. Avatar
      Connor A.

      Such a cool way of approaching the prompt. This world is always a joy to read about, and this time is no exception. I like the fact that despite being a “good” familiar, Lynette has an obvious temper that most people would not give characters that they want to portray as good.

      Reply
      1. Marx Avatar
        Marx

        Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it!

        Though to answer your question, when a fairy officially becomes a familiar, their dark side is expunged. But as this hasn’t happened with Lynette, her dark side is still plenty there.

        Reply
    3. Makokam Avatar
      Makokam

      I honestly feel really bad for Lynette here. Especially because apparently someone told her, or promised her, that she would be Matt’s Familiar. Matt’s ONLY Familiar.

      Especially since I know how “not well” this ends.

      However, it seems pretty clear with this 20/20 hindsight that she’s going to be a problem.

      It’s actually kind of remarkable how well you…reverse foreshadowed(???) what happens with her here.

      Reply
      1. Marx Avatar
        Marx

        Lol while I would definitely say that Daisy is the Queen of the Tragedy, Lynette is pretty high up there. Her story is just kind of… unfortunate. It was actually Laila who approached Lynette about the possibility of being Matt’s only familiar(which is the norm, Matt having 2 much less 3 is very weird in-world).

        But Mara became Matt’s familiar while Laila was away and Laila didn’t even know an angel could be a familiar(hoping I can tackle that situation in a prompt at some point), so this is all just a big cluster that Lynette ended up in the middle of.

        That said, I am glad that even if it is with the hindsight of how her story ends, that you could see the issue with her, at least to the extent of why she grated Death initially. I’m so happy that the reverse foreshadowing came off as well as it did lol.

        Reply
    4. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Ah, poor Lynette. It really, really, did not end well for her, did it? It seems like she had been anticipating this moment for a long time, and then it ended up turning out entirely different and wrong from her perspective. It’s embarrassing enough to end up being beaten to the punch by another familiar, especially one who is a demon. But then to find out she’s just the *third* familiar he has? You start to feel real unimportant and short-changed at that point, I imagine.

      That said, I really liked how all the girls bounced off of one another. Lynette being initially perky but very quickly switching to confusion and anger when she found out all the stuff, Mara being very casual, seductive and loving every moment of Lynette’s pain, and Lalia just being the awkwardest bean about it all.

      So many of these characters are great and I always like seeming them again, very well done Marx! 😀

      Reply
      1. Marx Avatar
        Marx

        Thank you so much! I was really hoping that this could basically be a show of how Mara, Laila, and Lynette all bounce off of each other while Matt’s stuck there being the awkward catalyst.

        You are definitely right though. Lynette might definitely have some issues but from her perspective she is entirely in the right. She was supposed to be Matt’s familiar and everything just continued to spiral out of her control. She probably could have handled it better, all things considered, but as you said, her frustration was absolutely merited.

        Reply
    5. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I could tell from the title that this was going to be good, Marx. Definitely had me bouncing on my toes in anticipation. Oh, my Ancients! I absolutely adore the description of Lynette’s wings. I can see them in my head no problem. I also love Laila’s wing description. You’re really excellent at describing things in a way that the reader can visualize it as though they’re looking directly at it.

      Dude, Matt is such a lady’s man. He is pulling chicks left and right. If I remember correctly, Lynette is from one of your earliest stories, and she was sent somewhere by lady death, I think. I actually think Mara is the one who sent her away, but I could be misremembering it. I’m really glad that she came back and can be utilized in a different way. Good to see she still has that same mentality from before.

      Anyway, when the world did Matt do to get three familiars? That’s pretty impressive. He must be really important.

      You’ve mentioned that quite a bit before, but I don’t think we know too much about him. But that’s a good way to keep the mystery going, and it gives him an air of mystique. I’m curious as to whether you have a name for this universe because pretty sure that this is the same universe that involves Alex (that smarmy, slimy demon).

      Lynette seems to be the odd woman out, thereby making her the odd little creature. But if you wanted to spin this, you could say that Matt is the odd little creature because I don’t think he’s as magical as the ladies are. ;). And he definitely is not the same species as any of them. I’m definitely looking forward to more of this particular dynamic. It seems like so much fun and set up for many hijinks.

      I really love how you’re expanding this world and you sprinkle in little hints and clues and some great world building throughout. I’m very curious to see what the end result of all of this will be and to learn the goals and motivations of characters as it continues.

      You’re one of the writers whose stories I look forward to the most each week. There’s always so much vibrancy and such rich character development. This one is no exception. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this.

      Reply
      1. Marx Avatar
        Marx

        Lol I’m actually a big fan of the title as well. Mostly because it just sounds generally ominous without context, but WITH context it’s just an unfortunate prophecy of things to come. That said, you are absolutely right that Mara does kill Lynette and Death finishes the job… twice technically. This story takes place before that happens.

        I’m so happy that I was able to describe everything so well though! Between the dialogue and the descriptions, that was basically what I spent my word count on. In very happy you could picture everyone so well.

        And yes lol Matt is absolutely a ladies man. This story is a glorified harem, but there’s so much of a plot involved with it that I think it still works lol. As for why he has three familiars though, it’s because he’s the horseman of Death, and his familiars are the other three horsemen. I have pointed this out in a couple of prompts, but there just isn’t enough room to point it out regularly, so Matt usually ends up being generally OP and the reader can decide on the reason why.

        And yes! Matt’s story(Overly Familiar) and Daisy/Alex’s story(Corrupted Desire) do take place in the same world and will overlap and combine in time.

        Thank you so much for your review! I’m genuinely glad that you look forward to the story week by week. I loved reading your reactions. Worry not, there’s still plenty to write from this world.

        Reply
  35. Connor A. Avatar
    Connor A.

    Hands-On Learning (Sword Isles)
    By Connor A.

    The six-year-old Marcos stared at the small dragon within the glass. It was about the length of his hand from his middle finger to his wrist, yet the small sizzling hole in the floor next to Marcos was a warning to not underestimate it.

    “You know you’ve been a troublemaker, right?”

    It only stared at him.

    “Eating Mercedes’ books, stealing Mama’s jewelry. Any of that ring a bell?”

    It walked in a circle, then curled up in what Marcos could only assume was indifference to what he was saying. The child lied down on his stomach, not taking his eyes off the dragon for a second.

    “You know, Mr. Vio told me a noble’s home and a Wyld Lord’s court are a lot alike.”

    At the sound of the name, the dragon’s indifference turned to worry.

    “I sometimes wonder if they also have to take Miss Ebony’s dance lessons.” Marcos shuddered at the thought. He saw the dragon copy the shudder and continued, “I don’t want Mama to make you take dance lessons, so can you stop causing trouble?”

    The dragon nodded quickly. When Marcos lifted the glass, it wasted no time in scrambling to the closest open window, narrowly avoiding a figure that was trying to lean through. He looked back at Marcos with eyes just a bit too large for his face and a grin filled with sharp teeth.

    “You are an odd one,” he said. “Even small dragons are hard to frighten.”

    Marcos shrugged. “Dance lessons are scary for everyone, Mr. Vio.”

    Vio chuckled and held up a fresh book. “So they are.” He placed it on the table under the window. “Read that by next week and then we’ll talk about what you learned. I have some business to attend to.”

    “Wyld business?”

    “You catch on quick.”

    Without another word, the Wyld left. Marcos walked over and grabbed the book with a grin. Flipping through the pages revealed that it was a book on dragons. He found the chapter on finding dragon nests and began the search for his mother’s jewelry.

    Reply
    1. C. M. Weller Avatar
      C. M. Weller

      Oh this is just adorable. Kid versus fingerling dragon on a quest to recover the Lost Treasures of MeMum. [Oh great, now I’m having Ideas…] I absolutely love it when dragons are on the level of domestic pets/pests strictly on the comedy value.

      Also loving that Marcos becomes the odd little creature of the prompt, rather than the dragon. Nice mislead from the start. I’m impressed.

      Miss Ebony, though never seen, strikes me as a Granny Weatherwax level of imposing lady. I’d love to see her in narrative one day.

      Reply
      1. Connor A. Avatar
        Connor A.

        Thank you! This particular dragon is mostly harmless, but there are dragons walking around that are large enough to cause serious damage to humans; Marcos was lucky that the dragon wasn’t bigger. As an older sibling and someone who remembers how I was around Marcos’ age, I can attest that small children are odd no matter what the setting is. Miss Ebony will probably show up properly at some point, but as of now I have no major plans for her.

        Reply
    2. refreshing firecrumb Avatar
      refreshing firecrumb

      Nice, I like the chemistry between Marcos and the dragon. It’s as if they are just doing their best to understand each other, in spite of their vast differences. I also like how this is told from the perspective of a child, as I believe some of the magic of this world would be lost when viewed from the eyes of someone older. Or, at least, the interactions between Marcos and the dragon.

      Reply
      1. Connor A. Avatar
        Connor A.

        Thanks! It’s a bit of a challenge to show that childlike wonder in a world that has things one would find in a child’s imagination. Glad to know I captured it.

        Reply
    3. Marx Avatar
      Marx

      Lol I do love when the prompt could have multiple takes. This one being that either Marco’s or the dragon could be the strange little creature, it’s just up to your perspective. But I did love their back and forth and eventual understanding. And just how well you got across that those dance lessons are clearly not ballet, though I do suppose ballet is way more brutal than most people give it credit for, but you get what I mean lol. Very interesting story!

      Reply
      1. Connor A. Avatar
        Connor A.

        Thanks! While Marcos is talking about literal dance lessons here (though you are right about them not being ballet), he made that association because Vio taught Wyld customs in a way Marcos would understand at the time without bringing a lot of bleakness into his life at an early age. What’s seen here is more of a misunderstanding between Marcos and the dragon, but it got Marcos what he wanted.

        Reply

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