Writing Group: Functionally Immortal (PRIVATE)

Hello, you lovely little Mortals!

What does it mean to be immortal? Is it simply being able to live forever, or is there more to it than that? What if the cost of immortality is really high, and the longer you live, the higher it goes? It’s time to see if you can afford that price, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Functionally Immortal

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

Immortality is no stranger to us. Immortality that comes at a price is also familiar. Now picture if you will, immortality that has a monthly rate of subscription to actually be active.

It’s a bit of an odd thought, isn’t it? Normally it’s a case of becoming immortal, and… that’s it. Nothing else really goes with it. There’s so many wonderful ways to weave this prompt, however. Let’s start with the classic vampire. What if, rather than just being immortal and being able to sustain themselves on the blood of animals, they had no choice but to feed on humans? Perhaps by not feeding, they age anyway, and are susceptible to regular injuries. Maybe someone has made a deal with a powerful entity, and for every day of immortality, they have to appease said demon with a daily sacrifice. It can be as simple as someone discovering the Philosopher’s Stone, but each day they go more and more insane from the body and mind not being meant to live as long as they have. Even simpler, a pendant or embedded magic item that keeps its host alive so long as it is never removed.

This is also where we can play with what “immortality” really is, as it can mean different things to different people. It can be someone stuck in a coma and on life support, their family waiting for a day that may or may not ever come. Perhaps the method of immortality is an old photograph, and to keep it alive, it is passed through many generations and handled with great care. Maybe this is a chance to explore how a ghost would view the world, stuck in place with no one to talk to, save maybe other ghosts like itself. Maybe the immortality of one individual is carried on through their descendants, those who would continue to branch and grow the family tree. Perhaps we can even explore how the Reaper themselves feel about this as they are cheated out of soul after soul as more people discover and acquire immortality.

There’s so much more to immortality than we first realize. There’s many definitions, methods, and requirements to obtaining it. The big question then looms overhead; is it really worth it?

Even our stories here can be a form of immortality, as they are carried through time on this page that is open for anyone to see.

So go forth now, and leave your mark on the world for all to see until the end of time.

—Shawna

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 7:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit, and get ready to help each other improve their confidence in their writing, as well as their skill with their craft!

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least four stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and two of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

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    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new; no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
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Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

81 responses to “Writing Group: Functionally Immortal (PRIVATE)”

  1. Edward P Avatar
    Edward P

    A Rough Night
    by Edward P
    Sandra panted, legs burning from running. Two Harriers chased her from the bar for blocks. She tried to lose them at the turn. Almost there. Almost there.

    Sandra let fly a flurry of curses, as another two Harriers came out of the alley just ahead of her.
    “Now where’re we going sweetheart?” the front of the two orcish figures who appeared spoke up.

    “F___ off.” Sandra said through heaving breaths.

    One of the men behind her drew a knife and closed the distance between himself and Sandra.

    “Give it back before you get killed B___.”

    Sandra’s pulse doubled down in anticipation. Everybody in the alley remained tense as she weighed her options.

    With a decisive slicking sound Sandra slashed her tail into the Harrier behind her. She struck down one more of the Harriers before they retaliated. The two left struck out. Sandra dove forward to avoid the brute behind her. The Harrier in front of her drove a blade into her stomach.

    “Worth it,” Sandra said tauntingly as the wound took its toll on her.

    From her wound, a crimson swirl began to flow upwards. Sandra’s essence flowed along the winds to her temporary home, Villa Carassa, and in a dark cellar began the slow process of reforming. Her father’s infernal blood began stitching her together again. It was a long and painful two weeks before Sandra emerged from the basement. She walked up to the living space to find her host.

    “Hey love, I’m going hunting, want to join me?”

    1. Iceburgh69 Avatar
      Iceburgh69

      Kinda reminds me of a lich. When the body is destroyed but not the phylactery, the lich will reform around it. Though it also has kind of a ‘hearthstone’ mechanic, as well.

      Only thing that I can suggest is a mere matter of formatting: Second paragraph, I would have the statement on the same line as the sentence before it, or add another paragraph break to make it clear that it’s its own paragraph.

    2. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      This is so cool!! As I said before, I think you did an awesome job with the pacing here, I can really feel how fast-paced and tense the situation is.

      Love that moment when it turns around and Sandra is able to fight back.

      I absolutely love that paragraph starting with “From her wound.” This is such a vivid image, and a very cool and creative idea.

      Wonderful job!!

  2. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    Rational Function
    by Lunabear

    Davey’s home stands exactly as Erma and Sheam have described it– two storeys with chipped, blue paint.

    The crystal skull of my cane becomes a rounded, golden knob as my hand passes over it.

    In the reflection of the door’s glass, I check my illusionary magic. Dark skin. Curly black hair. Eyes a deep violet.

    Floating beside me, my sprite, Zum, is disguised as a butterfly.

    “Your eyes stand out too much, Boss.” His wings flit nervously.

    Three blinks see the shade become a heavy amber.

    Zum nods approvingly.

    Before I can ring the bell, the door opens. Davey’s father releases a spider into the grass.

    I arch one brow at this act. It further confuses me as to why he treats Davey so poorly.

    He straightens and sees me. “Oh, hey. You’re the guy from the circus.” He points to Zum. “Buckeye. Nice.”

    “Hmm. Yes. Keen eye for insects. My apologies for the intrusion. I’ve merely come to amend my terrible behavior for frightening Davey. My CABARET is departing soon, and it wouldn’t be proper to leave things as they are.”

    He crosses him arms over his chest and leans against the jamb. “Don’t worry about it. Boy needs strengthening up. ‘Sides, he’s out shopping with his mother.”

    I contain my bristling anger. Must he be so hardened in his parenting? Zum lands on my shoulder. Warmth seeps in.

    “Pity. I was hoping to personally apologize.” I pull a wrapped gift from my pocket and extend it. “See that he gets this? I noticed he’s fond of surprises.”

    The father narrows his gaze. “This a trick?”

    “I assure you, sir, this is no trick.” A piece of my very essence lies therein. Should Davey choose the path revealed to him, I shall know.

    “Garrett.”

    “Big Top.”

    He takes it and rotates it between his palms. Curiosity resonates in his eyes. “I’ll be sure he gets it.”

    His tone sounds dubious. I bow regardless. No one except Davey can open it.

    “My deepest gratitude, Garrett.”

    “Right.” Garrett waves and reenters the house.

    I believe in Davey’s resolve. And even Garrett’s.

    1. Iceburgh69 Avatar
      Iceburgh69

      Now this is a fun one! I’m reminded of Something Wicked That Way Went by Vernian Process. Particularly the lines, “Health and vigor/Youth and strength/We can make it so!/Join us on the carousel/Round and round you go!/Everything your heart desires/Make your riches grow!/Power, glory, love of lust/It’s all part of the show!” And I do rather enjoy that song! I very much want to see more of this. Who is Davey? How does he and “Big Top” know each other? What happened that brought about this visit? And of course, what happens next?

      One minor thing: “two storeys” should probably be “two stories.”

      1. Iceburgh69 Avatar
        Iceburgh69

        Learned something new. ‘Storeys’ is, indeed, a correct spelling. It is a British spelling.

    2. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      Tagback!

      This is a nice followup to Davey’s earlier piece. I found your dialogue here to be excellent. The little details about Garrett’s idiosyncrasies and hypocrisy are nice.

      For some reason, I envision Big Top a lot like the villain from The Princess and The Frog. Not sure why, but he’s an intriguing character.

      Great job Luna!

  3. L. L. Marco Avatar
    L. L. Marco

    Our Soul
    By L. L. Marco

    I don’t recall when I became distinctly aware of it happening. Thomas was the first. Birthed from a nightmare where I, walking in his body, witnessed the last days of his life. He came as a simple, soft voice in the back of my mind, soothing and gentle, offering to take the reins when things got difficult.

    That can’t be right. It’s insane. People who hear voices in their heads are insane, right? But he was soft and gentle with me. In a world where people screamed and told me I was worthless, he was a soft presence soothing me until I could fall asleep. And I trusted him. I even loved him. So I’d let him control me, knowing that he’d never lead me astray.

    Next came Lysithia. She was much younger: A timid, scared soul that I could feel hiding behind my legs whenever there was trouble. I dreamt of her too. Her life in France, her illness, her father, and finally her end. She wore a small blue ribbon around her throat to hide the scar and I accepted her just as easily as Thomas.

    I lost track of the order after that. More and more lost souls, distinctly different and brilliant in their own ways, blossoming within the hallway in my mind. I could talk to them, make memories with them. Some of them even formed bonds with my living friends. They were a comfortable, hidden part of me. Insane or not, they kept me alive through my darkest times. After all, I was the vessel. Without me, there would be nothing. And so I lived.

    It wasn’t until my teenage years that I understood. Thomas, Lysithia, and the rest… they were me. Me’s of the past. My memories, my lives, my fears and loves. Chunks of my soul that should have been forgotten as soon as I breached this Earth. My soul was raw and open: through the cracks the sun shone through and woke them from their slumber.

    one day I will join them. I only hope the next incarnation remembers us, too.

  4. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    [Removed]

    1. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      Tagback!

      I find it interesting that there’s a few things in convergence in this piece. Kronos acting as jailer, Pan locked up and forced to watch a simile of the pain he’s caused.

      People running to Kairos for aid instead of Kronos is intriguing.

      Elan is a neat name drop. It’s an uncommon word and makes me think that Elan is an incarnation, like Kairos.

      Morgana is a foreboding name drop. Brings to mind Morgan LaFey and that worries me a little.

      In all, a wonderfully thoughtful piece!

    2. revisis Avatar
      revisis

      DAMN! At first I thought the mention of Neverland was just a character refering to the story itself, but this is actually Peter Pan isnt it?

      This is a VERY Interesting take on the prompt, and on the Peter Pan mythos entirely. The concept of Neverland is already a pyschological horror in the shroud of a childrens story, so Peter managing to spread its effect across all the world? Oh boy.

      I love how in just a few paragraphs you convey his growing horror and disgust with what he has wrought. Amazing story over all!

    3. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
      ThatWeirdFish

      I like what you have done with Peter Pan here. Even though he doesn’t physically age, we can see him maturing as he comes to understand the consequences of his actions.

      I also like how the deities do not have genders, stated or implied. It feels refreshing to not have a god/ess but instead an eternal, powerful being.

      Overall well done!

    4. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      Short review, but really wanted to jump in and say how much I’m enjoying another entry into your Peter Pan reimagining. I think it’s really cool how you managed to open the fridge on the horror that unaging would take on for people eventually, especially children. This was well done.

    5. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This whole scenario… it’s kinda terrifying, but it’s almost too slow to truly be that. Nothing truly horrific happens to any of the ‘test subjects’ in this world, aside from their seperation from home forever of course. It’s more a case of erosion – time wearing away everyone’s capacity to feel pleasure and happiness, leaving behind a sadness that will never go away, and a hollowness where a human life used to be. Until they go to Morgana, of course.

      Despite everything, I am impressed that this place managed to knock some sense into Peter. After all, as he basically says, this is Neverland 2.0, the exact kind of world he wants! But one difference is, that Pan curated the people to go to his world, the people that needed it the most. (And also, they didn’t actually stay alive there forever, as one of your previous stories made horrifiyingly clear.) The people of the Timeless Planet were lured there, or taken there by force – they never made an active choice to stay there, if I am right. And of course, time would break everyone in the end regardless.

      I especially like the line of how time ‘left marks’ even though the whole point of the planet was that it wasn’t supposed to do that. The marks here are entirely mental, or perhaps spiritual – the souls and minds age, even if the bodies cannot. Just generally, a really interesting concept you have going on here Antihero. Great story! 😀

  5. MasaCur Avatar
    MasaCur

    Neverending Day
    By MasaCur

    Six o’clock. Cyndi Lauper singing Time After Time on the radio.

    I get out of bed, and stumble my way to the kitchen. What to eat? Mini Wheats again? Maybe I’ll make myself an omelette. I’ve gotten better at doing this by now.

    As the eggs sizzle, I think about what to do with my day. The monotony is getting to me.

    I pull out my phone, and call into work.

    “Hey, it’s Mark. I’m not coming in today.”

    “Is everything okay?”

    I mouth my supervisor’s words at the same time, then answer. “Yeah, I’m just not…you know what? No. This job is bullshit. I just don’t want to be there.”

    There is a pause before she responds. “Excuse me?”

    “You’re excused. I’m not coming in.” I hang up.

    Within minutes, I’m getting called back, but I don’t answer. I finish breakfast, go get dressed, and head out to my car. And I drive.

    I don’t even care where I’m going. I want to do something new. Something to break out of the cycle.

    As I pass over the bridge, a thought occurs to me.

    I jerk the steering wheel hard to the right. My car smashes through the guardrail, and I plummet down into the river.

    The engine dies, and now that I can hear the outside world, I can hear screams. I wonder for a second if I can commit to this. But then I think of what will await me if I try to escape.

    The icy cold water stings as it floods in through the floorboards. I pull my feet away, but I know I can’t avoid it forever. Eventually, the water climbs until I’m waist deep, then I’m up to my chest, my neck.

    I can hear sirens. I take a deep breath as the water climbs up to my mouth.

    There’s a knock at the window.

    I let the breath out. My lungs are burning, and I’m forced to inhale water.

    There’s no way out. My vision fades out to black.

    Six o’clock. Cyndi Lauper singing Time After Time on the radio.

    1. revisis Avatar
      revisis

      AHA! Now this is a clever take!

      We dont know on which “day” they are on by now, but everything we we see here it must be a hight number. A month? Maybe two? I wonder how many things they have tried to end the cycle and how many “fuck it” moments they had.

      This is definitly one of the more impractical versions of immortality. Excellent job Masa!

    2. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Goodness, Masa, this practically hit me in the face. The pacing here is exquisite, and the repeating of the first/last line is perfect. We don’t know how long Mark has been in this time loop, but we don’t have to because the cycle is the only important bit. You’ve got a very emotional piece here, Masa. Great job!

    3. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      Ah, yes this is really good. I’ve seen a running theme of timeloops, but this one takes the cake for me. It’s like he is slightly cognizant of the time loop. He knows what he is in and is doing everything within his power to get out. I also like the immediate extreme this guy goes to. And it just sounds so highly realistic to me that someone can be driven mad like this. Strangely, it also remimds me of a game where you basically had one free day off and you could spend however you wanted. You would keep replying over and over to explore all the routes. Anywho, I loved this story, Masa. Very well done.

  6. Matthew (Handsome Johanson) Avatar
    Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    Building the New Me
    by Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    “Im sorry, Hal. I don’t think we can be anything more than friends.”

    The text hit hard, very hard. You’d think after as many rejections I had been through, I’d be used to it, but it doesn’t get any easier. Instead of handling the pain with any pretense of grace, I went through my usual charade of getting hammered, and reading old magazines.

    But tonight was different, instead of passing out, I found myself reading through the ads at the back of a tech magazine.

    “Unlucky with women? Buy these invisible height increasinator shoes!. Only $4.99! Confidence and bravado will now be yours.”

    I of course bought a pair instantly, and a few days later, they arrived. Excitedly, I donned them and headed out to town. The improvement was instant. People looked up to me, they smiled as I walked by, They laughed before I had even told a joke. I was the king of the town.

    But at the end of the day, no nice lady wanted to keep me company. I flipped through the first magazine I could find.

    “The Sing-a-tron 9000! Sing like Bing Cosby, read lines like Frank Sinatra. Become a suave socialite today! Just $159.99!”

    I had to have it. I mailed in another order, but I wasn’t done there. “Become strong, just 5 easy replacements.” Ordered. “Cheap and easy Do-It-Yourself Plastic Surgery kits!” Bought.

    I have to admit, I was a bit confused when I got the packages in the mail a few days later. I had completely forgotten that I ordered them. I put ‘memory upgrades’ on my to-do list and set to work trying out the improvements.

    The “Dance-o-matic leg inserts” hadn’t arrived yet, so I decided to do something calm and local.
    I recharged my energy cells, oiled up my joints, put on my wig, and calibrated my smile and speech rates. I put on a fresh new shirt, and rubbed the instant tan/rejuvenation gel on my exposed skin.

    As I left my apartment, I nearly cried out in joy, “Soon, I will be lonely no more!”

    1. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      Now I understand why you wanted ideas for weird fictional self-improvement ads you would find in a magazine or comic book.
      One nitpick: Did you mean “As I left my apartment…” in the last line?
      The protagonist seems like he’s caught in a never-ending cycle of self-improvement, just cybernetically upgrading himself over an over, even beyond losing all his humanity. I don’t think he will ever be happy with what he makes himself. Nevermind that he’s becoming so inhuman, women would probably repulsed by what he is now. It’s an interesting take on the prompt though. Good job, Matt.

    2. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      This was a really delightful read. I was not expecting the first ad and once I read it I was hooked XD Reminds me of those shoes in Symphony of the Night that just make you slightly taller.

      I liked how you described him like a robot in the end, portraying well the idea that these “upgrades” are making him less and less human as time goes by. Unfortunate that in the beginning all he wanted was a human connection and now he may never have it.

      This was a really unique way to take the prompt. I really enjoyed it!!

    3. Twangyflame0 Avatar
      Twangyflame0

      Ok, so I have two thoughts here. My first one is that Hal is already a robot. If that’s the case, I find this framing really comedic and kind of like a “gotcha!” tyoe deal. You made us think it was a human by giving and his fellow robots human emotions. They other idea is that this is a human and he is implanting himself with cyborgnetic replacements. This holds the comedy of before, but now I can’t help but feel horrified. I have no idea if this person is even up to the task of implanting that much into himself. I can’t help but imagine this amalgamation of flesh and mechanical parts, believing itself to be suave and amazing, when it really just wants to stop being loneliness. It’s reminds of the tragedy of Frankenstein. Very well done, Johanson.

  7. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    Out of Touch
    by Jesse Fisher looked over by Edward

    In a broken and poorly lit room lay a mechanical clicking and clattering as if some machine was left to rot as it ran unseen and uncared for.

    “Touch,” A mix of robotic and natural with minor glitches filling the still air. “I remember touch.”

    Optics looked at hermetic sealed objects; an instant camera with an old straw hat, a roughly done painting, and other personal items known only to them. The clicking and almost shuffle before it was stopped as if hungry but it did not need food as the room seemed to fade.

    It awoke to a half forgotten world and for a moment thought all that it recalled was a dream. Or nightmare. However once it was dressed and in a car going to work the radio began to play it’s own voice in a rhythmic tone.

    “Home.”

    “Hold on.”

    “If love is the answer, you’re home.”

    It could not stop itself as this played out, this was that moment that would lead to it’s nightmare of a life. The pastself did not notice the vehicle as it tore through it’s car and the world briefly went black be for a happy rhythmic tune as cry-laughter filled it’s ears and people celebrated it living.

    Machine and organic worked as it slowly noticed the time go by, life moving while it was stuck in time.

    The rhythmic tune slowed down to a melancholy tone as the world began to turn to dust and ash.

    “Touch, sweet touch,” It stood looking towards a life long gone. “You’ve given me too much to feel.”

    “You’ve almost convinced me I’m real!” Rage filled it’s speakers before it slowly moved back to the terminal that kept running data behind it.

    “I need something more.” It concluded one more before repeating it again. “I need something more.”

    1. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      This seems nightmarish, to be sealed into a machine to stay alive, but not really living.
      The protagonist is surviving, but the quality of life clearly isn’t there. Especially with its repeated need to feel again. I truly sympathize for the protagonist in this story, Toa. This is definitely one of your best ones.

      1. jesse fisher Avatar
        jesse fisher

        Thanks Masa

    2. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
      ThatWeirdFish

      This is a very gripping story. I like how the protagonist is described in this piece. You’ve made it uncanny, both robotic and human. I also like how the protagonist is not gendered, hinting that gender is an aspect of themselves that they have lost in their transformation into whatever they are now.

      1. jesse fisher Avatar
        jesse fisher

        And I worked a double music refence into the story and title

  8. revisis Avatar
    revisis

    “Misplaced Beliefs”
    by Exce (checked by Luna)

    “How long do we have?”

    “About sixty years, closer to sixty-five.”

    Jester turned around, lips pressed together tightly in an uncharacteristic muted expression. He searched her face before sighing.

    “So it’s over half a century away. We have enough time to prepare, to train and collect our forces.” The man didn’t seem too concerned as he poured another goblet of wine. “Why are you so concerned? Even if the populace can’t defend themselves, we surely can-”

    “No, we can’t!” the female goddess cut through his words with a sweeping gesture. “We can’t stand against their invasion alone! If we put all our trust into that, LumenOrbis is doomed!”

    At that, his expression soured. “We have done that plenty of times; I don’t see what’s the difference now, even if we are on the last tenth of our strength.” Putting his chalice down, the God of Midday spread his arms, eyes closing in a self confident gesture. “We are immortal, the Angels can’t-”

    Before he could finish the sentence, Lady leapt at him, throwing him back onto the table before it shattered beneath them. Jester gave a surprised squak, clawing at the vicelike hand around his throat but Lady remained resolute, digging her knee into his stomach whilst increasing the pressure.

    Fire curled from her long, red hair, and her one orange eye glowed with intensity whilst the black and silver one seemed to only grow darker.

    A tinge of purple rose into Jester’s face even as flames licked on his own hands. His own eyes flared to life. But he could not break the grasp.

    Only when the raw fear of death was written in his face, did she let go, rising from the wooden fragments and spilled wine.

    “We may consider ourselves immortal, brother, but that fact only persists until someone really tries to kill us. We may be enduring, we may be gods, but death will take us just as readily as any human.”

    She met his eyes, then offered him a hand.

    “Do not underestimate our enemies for the sake of arrogance. We must work together now.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      There’s so much intensity in this piece. One of my favorite parts in regards to that intensity is the slow buildup. Lady gives Jester all the chances that she possibly can for him to see how much trouble they’re in if he doesn’t start taking things seriously.

      I really love the juxtaposition of characterization between Jester and Lady. He’s far too lackadaisical and unconcerned about the threat that’s basically at their door. While on the other hand she is very rightfully incensed and upset and trying to get him to see reason.

      The violence in this is very hard-hitting and intense, but I’m pretty sure that is the point. Jester does not seem willing to really do anything that he feels is not an immediate concern or threat to him. So Lady basically has to put him on notice and become very violent with him in order to get him to see the problem.

      And I love that you display a very specific way to show their weakness. It makes sense, as well, that Lady would know his weakness because she too is an angel and being his sister grants her a certain amount of authority, seeing as he is a king. Very heavy but also entertaining stuff. It was a pleasure to look it over for you. Thank you so much for writing and sharing it.

    2. Iceburgh69 Avatar
      Iceburgh69

      Digging the direction that you went with this! I’m reminded (I’ve been reminded of a lot of things this prompt!) of the Celtic gods, particularly Havgan (also spelled Hafgan, a king of Annwn that was opposed by Arawn). Specifically, the only way that Havgan could die was to be killed without mercy, IE mortally wounded and left to die rather than killed by a merciful blow. It’s not too common that you can find gods that are mortal by more ordinary means than ‘kill all of the followers.’

    3. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      Exce this was an excellent piece, it gave me a better frame; or at least an idea to the Angel’s relation to gods of this world. Also like how you gave us the impression that one is just ignorant due to not knowing the power of the angels while the other knows it and has fear put in her.

      Good character dynamics and more pieces on this crazy chessboard.

    4. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      An interesting story. Lady and Jester are two of the most interesting gods I’ve seen in fiction. Yet it seems as though they are not completely immortal. I wonder what the angels have against them. I wish we knew more about the conflict these two are prepping for. I might have been able to empathize with Lady a little more at the end. Nice job!

    5. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      After a long time of not seeing your stories here, this was a great return to form! 😀 I don’t think I have seen these characters before, or that of any non-angel-related gods I think in your stories. I wonder if they surivive the invasion by the Angels or not. Hopefully they do, otherwise this scene would have been for nothing! XD

      As other comments have said, this had great structure – the calm, almost idyllic build-up suddenly shattering into dramatic violence, before calming down into more calm, reasoned speech afterwards. I really liked the imagery of Lady as she was strangling him too, especially the sight of her heterochromic eyes becoming more intense in opposite directions as she drew upon her power.

      Overall, great work! 😀

  9. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “Dashed Hopes”
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane

    “A drink to our success!”

    The roar of cheers, clinking glasses and alcohol hitting the tables and floors startled the gnome barkeep, but she didn’t mind too much. The crime and cartel families always paid well. A little cleanup and some shot nerves were worth the tin coming into the tavern. One of the revelers, a dunnie, broke out into a song about “fearless leaves”. Another took out a deck of cards and began shuffling. The gnome sighed. It was going to be a long night.

    About two hours and five rounds of beer in was when shots rang out on the outside of the establishment. Those who weren’t sloppy drunk jumped up and aimed their guns at the door. The door slammed open, and the patrons greeted the figure with a hail of gunfire. The gnome seized up as the figure in the door fell into a heap, the red staining the floor. One of the revelers, the leader as far as the barkeep knew approached the corpse.

    “Heh. Idiot. Attackin’ us while we’re celebratin’.”

    With a kick to the head, the leader returned to the table with his coworkers. That’s when the corpse got up. Hoarse, raspy pants silenced the criminals as the corpse took out its own gun. Bang. Thud. Some of the revelers started to run. Bang. Thud. Bang. Thud.

    “Whoa whoa, wai-”

    Bang. Thud. Silence. Then heavy steps and faint sobbing echoed as the corpse approached the table. Another one of the revelers fired and hit the walking corpse in the head. He stopped and stood like a pillar. The sobbing stopped. Bang. Thud. Red splashed across the leader’s face. The dead man grabbed a chair. A gasp and sob.

    “Sion?!

    It nodded.

    “Bloody Mag! What happened?!”

    “I got me an oaff to settle.”

    The gnome felt a calm come over the bar. She sighed.

    “And what oath would that be, cousin?”

    The unease returned. Something small, hard and metal hit the floor. A second. A third. A fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh. Sion sighed, the brownie leveling his gun at the leader’s head and fired.

    1. Iceburgh69 Avatar
      Iceburgh69

      This actually brought to mind a scene from the Hellsing OAV, where Alucard gets peppered by gunfire, and then reforms to eliminate the ghouls that shot him down. In the moment where the corpse got up, I heard in my head the same song that accompanied that scene! As short as that moment was, it was poignant. I honestly would have liked that moment expanded upon. Show the reactions of the revelers as his arm twitches, then moves to place its palm against the floor. I would also like to know where the sobbing was coming from. The barkeep? The leader?

    2. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      Tagback!

      I find it interesting that this setting could almost be any time period, save for two details; the ‘tin,’ which implies hard currency, and the gangsters/mafia families. Granted that latter detail could be any time, but the combination has me thinking 1860’s to 1930’s. A broad swath, technologically, but still a distinct period.

      There are someone clunky lines (most noticeably, “shots rang out on the outside of the establishment “) but the tone is consistent. Most of what stopped me was the dialogue without tags. I didn’t it was the unnamed barkeep speaking at first. The pacing is good, despite the hiccups.

      Well done!

  10. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    An Unusual Appointment
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)
    (cw: a character mentions being stabbed)

    “Welcome! How may we help you?”

    “I’m here for a CVE appointment?” Jane adjusted her scarf, hair disheveled and bags under her eyes.

    “Do you schedule in advance?”

    “Yes, for 9:15?”

    “Let me find it in the system…yes! Your specialist is down that hallway, it’s the second door on the right.”

    “Thank you.” Jane hurried down the hall, breathing heavily. She found the door, marked with a plaque reading “Robert Klissinger, PhD” and pushed through the door.

    Dr. Klissinger looked up from his laptop. “Ah! You must be Jane, here for that Creature Vitality Evaluation?”

    “Yes.” She closed the door behind her, still practically gasping for breath.

    “Have you brought the creature you’re evaluating? Aww, is it hiding in your scarf? Animals are adorable, alive and dead, right?”

    “I—I’m the one here for the evaluation, Doctor.”

    Dr. Klissinger blinked. “Really?”

    “Y—yeah.”

    “…well then, I guess I’ll just go down the list of questions.” He opened a document on his laptop. “Do you show signs of being dead?”

    “N—no.”

    “Okay, what about alive?”

    “A—also no.”

    “…Undead?”

    “I don’t think so?”

    Dr. Klissinger closed his laptop. “I think I need to hear this story from the beginning.”

    “I…” Jane took a deep breath. “I remember being stabbed six days from now. Like, future. I thought I died, then I opened my eyes and I was where I was exactly a week in the past. 168 hours, more or less. I really hope I didn’t, uh, ruin any space-time stuff by coming here?”

    She knew how ridiculous it sounded. Miraculously, Dr. Klissinger simply nodded. “You’re definitely not dead.”

    “I’m not?!”

    “Nope. The options here seem to be that someone saved your life, you have a prophecy to fulfill, or you’ve been cursed into a time loop.”

    “…oh.”

    “This field isn’t my specialty, but my coworker across the hall should be able to help you. Have a good day, Jane!”

    “Uh…okay…” She stood up and left the office.

    The plaque across the hall read “Nymlic Felmorian, Wizard” next to a sticky note reading “Open door slowly—Ravarenwreck inside!”

    “Oh dear,” Jane whispered.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Carrie, I find this quite interesting. I love the interplay of past, present, and future here. I wonder what Jane’s affliction is, as all three sound pretty frightening, in my opinion. I’m curious to see which one it is, if it’s any of them.

      Dr. K. is quite rude in his dismissal of Jane, but he DID mention her situation wasn’t his expertise, he gave her possible choices of what COULD be happening, and he recommended her to someone who could better help her.

      Absolutely curious about the wizard. Wonder what Dr. F’s personality is like and what the diagnosis from them would be. I also wonder what a Ravarenwreck is.

      Overall, I like the feel of the story, and the fantastical elements are fun to speculate on. Great job! Thank you so much for writing and sharing it.

    2. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      Tagback review!

      I really like that you take several options and just throw them at the reader. Especially since you don’t say which is the true reason.

      For constructive feedback: There’s a lot of ellipses and em dashes. I think it could be cleaner with fewer of them and clearer with some tweaks to word choice.

      This is a fun piece with a lot of questions. I hope we get a sequel! Great job!

  11. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
    RVMPLSTLTSKN

    Functional Immortallity
    By RVMPLSTLTSKN (The Saga of The Deep One’s Wake)

    It is a truth, uncommonly acknowledged, that prayer requires no higher power. Prayer is an act of the soul. A function of distressed minds. A torment of spiritual inclination.

    Vienas was poorly equipped to act as a healer. She was no midwife, no cunning woman, no worker of old ways. She was a curator of knowledge and blind at that.

    Padas coughed in his fevered langor and she longed, wished, prayed, for his health.

    Time is illusory without the cycle of day and night. Without others to agree upon time.

    Vienas sat with Padas until his fever-heat rivalled the Everflame. Until he was too warm to stay beside. Until she was sure he would die without divine aid.

    She was not sure of many things. She was the kind of person who had worked with proofs and so was taxing upon new information. But she knew he would die by his ragged breathing. By his mumbled, incoherent words and sweatlessness and her own hunger. She couldn’t cook and time crawls when the stomach eats itself. She could bring no water to him. Without him, she would die. But she wouldn’t die alone.

    She knew the temple layout and she knew where Padas kept the pearls. Her questing fingers found the orbs before the bowl they sat in. She heard a chorused

    —For you, the Living.

    and prayed.

    Gods, she prayed. For Padas, for herself, for the unborn thing she hadn’t told him about yet. For his future fatherhood. But mostly she prayed for healing and hope as she stumbled back to her lover and poured the pearls upon his dying body.

    The pearls clattered as they fell. She heard them strike like the pitter-patter of mice running. They didn’t roll away, of course, but evanesced. She dropped them all. All his prized pearls that he’d gathered with copper tongs and iron knife. And her prayer, unanswered, manifested itself with her will.

    Padas’s fever broke in that heure. His body healed the harm done by the fever. Padas would live and be a father. Vienas would live and be his wife.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is incredibly bittersweet, RVMP. More sweet than bitter, though. Vienas’s faith is incredibly strong. I especially love that she gives up the pearls that Padas worked so hard to collect for her so his life could be spared. That shows how great her love is for him.

      I’m reminded of the adages “love is blind” and faith is blind.” It’s interesting that she herself is blind, so faith and love are all she has to fall back on. I think that’s quite beautiful. I do love these stories.

      Thank you so much for writing and sharing this.

    2. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      This is quite the deep take on the prompt, RVMPL. Your descriptions are really powerful, and I really liked your pacing. The emotions here are very clear and strong. I also really liked how you first spent time describing how prayers in your world worked before showing one in action. It felt very cohesive. Overall, very impactful story, RVMPL. Great job!

    3. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      The fun thing about stories flickering up and down the timeline is, I genuinely didn’t know if this was going to be the end for Padas or not. You really sold just how dire the situation was for him – for them both, really – and it wasn’t until I saw her prayer for her ‘unborn thing’ that I fully synched with the current timeline and knew he would probably be fine.

      How he got better was quite a lovely moment too! I have always been wondering about the pearls – I wondered if all they were was a voice, a memory of the past, a comfort to those left behind. And perhaps that is mostly what they are. But, collectively, with their energies directed by a faith strong enough to focus their function… they were the fuel for a small miracle. Modest by any standards we know, but as you made clear from the build up to this moment, still a hugely important event for this story. So much could have been lost, which now survives. What more could you ask from the last gift of a god?

      Great story Rvmple, very evocative and well done! 😀

    4. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      “It is a truth, uncommonly acknowledged, that prayer requires no higher power. Prayer is an act of the soul. A function of distressed minds. A torment of spiritual inclination.”–Hitting me with that sweet sweet poetic language!!

      “Time is illusory without the cycle of day and night. Without others to agree upon time.”–Wow, I never quite realized this about blindness, but it’s so true and poetically terrifying.

      “Vienas sat with Padas until his fever-heat rivalled the Everflame. Until he was too warm to stay beside. Until she was sure he would die without divine aid.” and “But she knew he would die by his ragged breathing. By his mumbled, incoherent words and sweatlessness and her own hunger.”–These are just such perfect ways to show how bad things have gotten. It doesn’t take too many words but I have no trouble seeing how extremely desperate the situation is. I’m just absolutely marveling at your skills with these lines.

      “She couldn’t cook and time crawls when the stomach eats itself.”–Great image/phrase.

      “Without him, she would die. But she wouldn’t die alone.”–Love her determination here.

      “She knew the temple layout and she knew where Padas kept the pearls. Her questing fingers found the orbs before the bowl they sat in. She heard a chorused
      —For you, the Living.
      and prayed.
      Gods, she prayed. For Padas, for herself, for the unborn thing she hadn’t told him about yet. For his future fatherhood. But mostly she prayed for healing and hope as she stumbled back to her lover and poured the pearls upon his dying body.
      The pearls clattered as they fell. She heard them strike like the pitter-patter of mice running. They didn’t roll away, of course, but evanesced. She dropped them all. All his prized pearls that he’d gathered with copper tongs and iron knife. And her prayer, unanswered, manifested itself with her will.”
      –Gosh I love this part so much. The image is so dynamic and vivid and powerful. In her desperation she gives up their only treasure, their only connection to the gods, to save his life. She’s desperately snatching them up and throwing them about, when once they were so careful with them. And the pacing of it is wonderful. Love the phrasing of “for the unborn thing she hadn’t told him about yet.” too. The mice image was also cool.

      I’m very curious what it was that ultimately saved him, and if the pearls held any power within themselves. Your first paragraph makes me curious if perhaps there was actually no divine intervention at all, she just thought there was. That it isn’t that the gods are still there, but that they are functionally immortal due to her belief in them.

      Absolutely loved this one.

      P.S. Are there supposed to be two l’s in the title?

    5. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      I like how you’re using anticipation here as a double-edged sword. On one side, Padas is the provider for Vienas, so we want him to live so they both can. On the other, these types of requests, especially in settings like this, come with high prices. I worried for these characters on so many levels. That is superb.

  12. Twangyflame0 Avatar
    Twangyflame0

    Glass Box
    By Twangyflame0

    All my work lays around me, strewn about after my last fit of emotions. Was it rage? Sadness? Joy? I can’t tell anymore. They all blur together, they have no meaning any more. Being happy just means I’ll end up sad. Being sad means I’ll be happy after a while. And at some point I’ll get mad for no particular reason, probably.

    It’s a song and dance I’ve grown quite accustomed to. The only thing that shakes up the monotony are my creations. They are such wonderful little things. Pages of ideas brimming with colorful characters, ideas charged with thought-provoking potential, and talking points that could up the whole day.

    …Well, they would if anyone cared to look. They do sometimes. I hear good things when some do, but it’s mostly ignored. And, with being inside my glass prison, I see time tick down and down and down, as the hours pass with no interest of any kind. It’s a very special kind of torture built for me and built by me, though, for the life of me, I have no idea why I am here.

    Anyway, it’s not all that bad. I have my imagination to entertain and I get some new ideas every once and a while to spice things up. The occasional small epiphany helps keep the stories spicy. It’s almost like they are all immortal. Forever marked down to do whatever I want and however I want it.

    …Though, the problem then lies in my death. And since I’m in this glass box, very few people hear me. And so the torture is increased ever more. Oh well, it just makes me a statistic in the end. Many people try to become writers or artists and fail. I’m just one of those people. I might scream and yell and cry in here, but it’s fine. It’s what’s expected of such an average person.

    Ah, I just had another idea. I have to quickly write it down so I won’t forget. I wonder if this one will help me sleep better or maybe get people’s attention.

    1. Tale Foundry Avatar
      Tale Foundry

      I can understand the perspective in this way too well. I know what it feels like to feel as though everything you do is ignored or worthless.

      But we need to remember that this is not the case. Sometimes we get impatient to see reactions because we’re proud of what we did, and the lack of response in can make us feel worse. Maybe we shouldn’t be proud of what we did. What was so special about it anyway? If it were better, people would like it, right?

      But that’s just our minds being mean to us, hammering on us to make us feel terrible. It’s just what anxiety does.

      I certainly hope the character in this knows that they are loved and appreciated, and that their work is worth more than they give themselves credit for. Even if others can’t or don’t respond to their work right away, it still has a place in the world simply because they made it. No one can see the world like them, no one can create the way they can.

      I hope they can start to feel better about themselves.

      Good piece, Twangy, as always~

  13. Iceburgh69 Avatar
    Iceburgh69

    The immortality of mountains.
    By Iceburgh69

    Time. It marches on. One of the few things more ancient than I. I remember being born of fire, my peaks razor sharp. I remember tiny, odd things creatures blinking in and out of existence. The wind playing with my brethren and I. I remember the seasons, turning from one to the next to the next. Time marched on. I remember great crashing and upheaval, a violence unlike any other.

    Time would pass.

    Water would make its mark upon me, carving itself into me bit by bit. I would lay down to rest, and in my slumber drift away in the water and on the wind.

    I would awaken to a thunderous clash, and scream forth with fire, reborn! I would see that I was no longer where I once was, the land having drifted with time. New, wondrous things wandered the earth, great monsters and curious, tiny things. I blinked, and they were gone, destroyed by fire from the sky. I would blink again, and a new wonder would take their place, carving their home in the frigid world.

    Time continued to flow like a river. The great beasts would cease to exist except as a memory. Then, curious things would walk the land. Scarcely a moment would go by and they are carving their way through me, into me, under me. They would create mountains of their own, and wind paths through and around me. They would give me a name, though I would never know its meaning. Theirs is a fast language, one that I could never comprehend.

    They are gone, now. The world is not as it once was. I lay down to sleep, to drift once again on the water and the wind. I would have the name the carvers gave to me remembered, as it was my first; Appalachia.

    1. Connor/Dragoneye Avatar
      Connor/Dragoneye

      As a resident of Appalachia, I approve of this piece! This is an interesting take on the prompt since yeah, mountains are functionally immortal. This is personification mania, and you did a great job setting up the last reveal. The various facets that shape the Appalachian mountains, like the wind, the water, the prehistoric fauna, and eventually the arrival of people, all of it serves as part of its identity, which I see as this piece’s strength. The prose itself is simple, yet evocative, and personally I think that really fits with personification. Nicely done, Ice!

      1. Iceburgh69 Avatar
        Iceburgh69

        I’m glad you liked it! It was my fourth idea, and even when I started, I was originally going to go with the Rockies, but when I looked it up they were too young for what I wanted.

    2. Edward P Avatar
      Edward P

      your use of voice here is awesome. The words you chose, the declarative nature of the piece, the repetition, the focus on self, all capture a noble and ancient force speaking rather well. I like the sense of permanence that you ended with. The idea that Appalachia has been before humans and will be after.

      one tiny hangup, in the first paragraph, I got a little stuck on the doubled I in a few places. I don’t think it’s wrong per se, but it flows so well everywhere else.

  14. Connor/Dragoneye Avatar
    Connor/Dragoneye

    Kiss of the Succubus
    (Chronicles of Darkness/Vampire the Requiem)
    By Connor/Dragoneye

    “Ugh…”

    Aleksandra shuffled out of bed with a groan, rubbing her temples. She looked over to the shape sharing her sheets. Bailey lay there peacefully, his neck gently trickling with blood. As she looked over him, she couldn’t help but feel pity for him, maybe even love. Wait, no, he just came in for a tattoo like a couple days ago. She may have drunk from him a little too much.

    As she leaned over to lick up the small amounts of blood from his neck, Bailey rumbled from his sleep. “Hey, baby. Good morning.” It was around 3 in the morning.

    “Are you okay?” She knew he couldn’t lie to her. He was already in her snare.

    “I’m hurting a little bit. I’ve got some blood coming out of my neck for some reason.”

    “Hold still.” Aleksandra grabbed him by the hair and lapped up the last few streams of blood from the bite mark. Bailey sat there, compliant, like the sheep he was. She then locked eyes with him, and with a mere glance, the seductive Beast started to take hold in him.

    She could feel him fall deeper and deeper in her gaze. Bailey immediately lunged for a passionate kiss, but Aleksandra stopped him with her hand. “Hey, listen to me.”

    “Sure, babe. What’s up?”

    “You weren’t here. Go home and sleep.”

    As if he was a shambling zombie, Bailey immediately crawled out of his sheets and started to head out of her room, completely naked.

    “Hey, don’t forget your clothes, idiot.”

    Bailey turned around before giggling with his adorable smile. As he dressed himself, Aleksandra’s phone buzzed. It was a call from Theo.

    “Hello?”

    “Hey, Aleksa, it’s Theo. I need your help.”

    “At 3 in the morning? With what?”

    “Skin and Bones, they’re holding a ceremony, and they asked me to host it.”

    Aleksandra beamed with joy. “Oh. Sure, I’d be hap-”

    “Aleksa, don’t get any ideas, okay? I just want your help, that’s it.”

    She immediately grew sour. “No, I understand, I getcha. You wanna meet up tomorrow?”

    “That’ll be fine. See you then.”

    “Bye.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      First off, Connor, I love the title. Aleksandra seems like a very nuanced, complex succubus. She definitely enjoys Bailey in a physical sense, but she’s conflicted as to whether she’s getting attached to him or not. And from the way he is acting, he’s definitely fallen under her spell.

      Even the spell seems to throw the ambiguity of its validity into contention. This is an explicitly stated, but I feel as though Aleksandra had an inkling of if Bailey truly cared about her or if it was simply the spell at work. Although, that might be reaching from me.

      On the other side of the physical point is the emotional one. That’s where Theo comes in. Definitely seems to me that Aleksandra is holding a torch for Theo. Which would make sense if he set it to her straight if he knew.

      I really like the dynamics at play here, Connor. They’re really fascinating. No need to figure out where the prompt comes in, as she drinks Bailey’s blood. But I love that you focus more on interpersonal relationships with this piece. Very good stuff. Thank you so much for writing and sharing it.

      1. Connor/Dragoneye Avatar
        Connor/Dragoneye

        Funnily enough, the title is actually a mechanic from the source material. The attachment between Aleksandra and Bailey is part of her vampiric curse, based on the TTRPG Vampire the Requiem, where Daeva Vampires like Aleksa become emotionally dependent on individuals they drink from more than once. So it’s a less familiar facet of VtR lore. The rest, I’ll leave open to interpretation. Thanks for the review, Luna!

    2. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      My view of Aleksandra seems to be a Succubus who is just done with the world, not living in it but the annoying things. Also seems to be a mix of hunter and adventurer, given the man in her bed and the man on the phone.

      Really it is just nice to see a character that is just as done with the world as I am at times. Then again I don’t get drunk, have sex and drink blood from random people/friends, or go and be a gang buster.

  15. Lari B. Haven Avatar
    Lari B. Haven

    The place you lost (Haven’s Tale)
    By: Larissa (Lari B. Haven)

    “You entered the void with no exit anchor?” Jack said in a suspicious tone.

    “I told you, I entered by accident, I don’t know how to get out.” Haven sheepishly responded.

    Jack looked at Haven in utter disbelief. He rubbed the inexistent temples of his mask and tried to maintain his calm tone. “You are beyond helpless…”

    She curled her tails around herself again. “Do you know anything about this place?”

    “I’m a void magician, and I know a lot, but not all.” He took a deep breath and sat by her side. “The void is the reality of the in-between, it behaves like a liminal space, standing between dimensions. You can learn a lot, experiment a lot, live all kinds of unimaginable wonders.”

    She turned her big round eyes to him with curiosity.

    “As long as you’re here, you won’t grow old, you can’t die from any wounds; hypothetically, you can live forever inside the void. Centuries can pass before you realize.” He stopped and looked at his own feet, as he seemed to talk from experience. “Anchors are our only connection to our original reality, once lost…”

    Haven sobbed uncontrollably. If his words were true, that meant the world she left could no longer exist. As far as she knew, everyone she ever met could be dead. All because of her carelessness.

    The demon took pity on her, giving a long tight hug. “Where did I leave my manners? I never meant to imply what you are probably thinking.”

    “I just want to go home!” she whimpered in his soaked vest.

    “I’m not usually a charitable person, but Miss Haven, I will help you. I know of one person who could build anchors from the inside, but they require extensive research, and I’m not an expert on it.” His calming, deep voice helped her hiccups disappear. “Given the price of such endeavors, Miss Haven, I’m afraid I will need some return from my investment.”

    He flicked his fingers, and a document appeared on his hands. “Miss Haven, would you be my apprentice?”

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      N’awwwww. After the flamboyant, and suspicious public persona of Mr Rabbit from last week, we get a much softer, more personal side of Jack here. Which is exactly what Haven needs, in her situation. To be stuck in a timeless void, with nothing but your own ability to manipulate the reality around you in a infinite but ultimately hollow existence… it reminds me a LOT of the deep realms of dreaming in Inception, where if you dive too far into an unconscious mind, you can get stuck there effectively forever with only your own mental stuff for company.

      The relationship between the two is very precious – Jack’s maybe a bit patronising towards her at first, but he’s also genuinely nice and comforting – even helpful! – to Haven when she needs it most. And Haven seemed to be putting on a bit of a front too – her sobbing at Jack’s reference to anchors feels jarringly abrupt from her previous behaviour, but I can imagine that this sort of fear and stress had been building up beneath the surface, waiting for something to break the shell and let it out. And it certainly seems like Haven has been through a whole lot of bad stuff…

      In any case, lovely work Lari! :3

    2. Connor/Dragoneye Avatar
      Connor/Dragoneye

      Knowing Mr. Rabbit from last week, I think this relationship may only be a smidge sketchy. But, Haven seems happy with him, so I guess they’re good with each other? Regardless, this piece has some interesting moving parts, namely Jack being Haven’s answer to her loneliness. Sure, he’s a demon, but Haven trusts him enough to maybe consider being his apprentice. I really wanna keep following this thread, if possible, the characters are very distinct and I want to know more. Awesome job, Lari!

    3. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
      ThatWeirdFish

      Aww, poor Haven! I hope she makes it out alright or at least makes do with her new existence.

      Although I understand the word limit has restricted your expressive space, it feels as if Haven’s emotions switch too quickly early in the story. Then again, I don’t know this character as intimately as you do, so maybe she would react that way.

      Overall a great piece and I look forward to more of Haven and Jack’s adventures. Well done, Lari!

    4. IsaDragon Avatar
      IsaDragon

      Ooo, this is cool. There’s just enough worldbuilding to get me interested, but not quite enough to feel like an info dump. I’m slightly confused on the idea that because she doesn’t have an anchor to her world, the world she left no longer exists. I think it’s a word choice thing- the world is still there, she just can’t find it in the right when or where?
      I do like the idea of a demon deciding to accept an apprenticeship as payment. Assuming there are no strings attached, all he gets is a companion and someone to pass his teachings to. Add that to how he implied he lost his own anchor, knows someone who can build them, and hasn’t gone back, this demon appears to be incredibly lonely.
      Overall, really cool story, well done!

  16. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    His Greatest Betrayal (Mary’s Story)
    By Calliope Rannis

    I…

    I’m…ugh…

    I’m…awake. My eyes flicker open. Gray stone ceiling, arched and held by pillars. The great hall? Why am I here?

    I have to get up. I don’t care how much it hurts. I pull myself up into a sitting position, and the pain…never comes?

    “Ah, you’re finally awake.”

    I turn my stiff head to see Father. He looks like a shadow of himself. His skin, hair – even his eyes? – are all grey and worn, and his robes are filthy with dust. But there is an uneven, twitchy smile on his face.

    “Father…” my voice heaves out of my throat like tar. My mouth feels as dry as burnt bark. “You…were right!…I don’t feel any pain…how?”

    His bent smile widens. “I told you, my dear. I told you I would find a cure for your awful affliction, and now I have.” Father’s eyes go bright with mania. “The disease is dead! Dead! And you are freed of its chains forevermore!”

    I try to share his joy. I should be happy, right? My suffering is over. But I just feel hollow.

    “Here. I have a gift for you. One to celebrate our victory over cruel Nature.” He gives me a bouquet of wildflowers, with various shades of white, grey and black, and nearly scentless.

    Wait.

    No.

    I know these flowers. I picked them again and again from the woods outside.

    These flowers should be reds, and blues and purples and yellows and all those vibrant colours of life. Their scents should be flooding my nose. They shouldn’t be like this!

    And then I realise something. They haven’t changed. They still have their colours. They still have their scent.

    But I don’t. My eyes are wrong. My nose is wrong.

    “What…What did you do to me?”

    “Oh Mary, don’t be scared. You don’t need to worry. You need not fear pain, or disease, or even the torment of aging anymore. I have taken them all away. Now, you are free to live.”

    What? Wait, no, he can’t – I can’t –

    …I can’t hear my heartbeat…

    1. Tale Foundry Avatar
      Tale Foundry

      So putting aside the Skyrim flashback I had from the line “Ah, you’re finally awake.”…

      Whatever he did, I really don’t think it was the right way to go about curing her! It sounds almost as if he murdered her, but in a way that made sure to keep her spirit in place of a physical body.
      Either that, or she’s undead.
      Both ideas are sad and terrifying.

      You did such a wonderful job, Calliope! The confusion shown by Mary is written so perfectly, and her father gives off the vibes of someone who would do anything for his child, regardless of whether it was right or wrong.

      Fantastic piece as always~

    2. Lari B. Haven Avatar
      Lari B. Haven

      Mary has such a tragic backstory. I think I read some of her past tales and this one in specific is so heartbreaking!
      Nothing can be more painful than a parent that breaks their trust, even when they deemed to be the best for their children.
      This was definitely not a good move, and (knowing what I know about this character) one that left deep emotional scars on her. Since she still longs for the simple pleasures of the living.
      Loved this tale Calliope! Keep going!

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Well, damn. I can absolutely see why she hates her father now. While I do understand a parent’s grief over not wanting to lose their child/children and them willing to do pretty much anything to save them, this is still pretty cruel. Poor Mary.

      You do a very good job of characterizing intensity, grief, incredulity, and hysteria. It’s no wonder Mary grows up to be the way that she is. But I do think that even in spite of all the strategy, she’s still a relatively nice person. I really love that balance to her character. Great work, Milady. Thank you so very much for writing this and sharing.

    4. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      Preemptive tagback review!;)

      This is a heart wrenching piece, which is likely why you chose this moment to show us. The opening lines remind me a lot of Lilith’s Brood by Octavia Butler and, like Lilith, Mary’s situation only gets worse as we understand her world better.

      I think the one word paragraphs really sell us on her thoughts and revelations. The ellipses felt a little heavyhanded, but I can understand why you chose them. They do mess with your pacing though and I think the piece suffers for it. The punchy one word paragraphs are at odds with the slowness of ellipses. We grok fairly readily that she’s slow speaking without these to stumble us (I think Father’s exuberance is well done and plainer dialogue for Mary will make her slow enough).

      Great choice and work, Calliope!

    5. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      *Takes a deep breath* I FREAKING LOVE THIS

      I’ve been longing to see another Mary story for a while AND YOU CERTAINLY DELIVERED THIS WEEK. Her waking up after her her father completes his experiment is a scene I wasn’t sure I’d get to see and I’m happy I did.
      Well, maybe not happy, as the scene is pretty sad, but, you know.

      This is one of those stories where I go to pick out my favorite lines and then I just basically highlight the whole story XD

      First person is an interesting direction for you!! I like it!! The present tense is interesting too. (…Though it’s possible you’ve written your other stories in present tense but I didn’t notice XD)

      “I don’t care how much it hurts. I pull myself up into a sitting position, and the pain…never comes?”–A great way to start, to show something is wrong. Interesting in that not feeling pain would usually be a good thing, and in this case it’s what shows something is very wrong.

      “I turn my stiff head to see Father. He looks like a shadow of himself. His skin, hair – even his eyes? – are all grey and worn, and his robes are filthy with dust. But there is an uneven, twitchy smile on his face.”–I loved this image the first time I read it but I actually didn’t catch that it was you showing that she can’t see color until the next read and I was like !!! Yes!!! So well written!! Love the description of his smile.

      ” my voice heaves out of my throat like tar. My mouth feels as dry as burnt bark.”–THIS RIGHT HERE!! This was my favorite line. Is is so vivid and sensory and descriptive and just YES

      “Father’s eyes go bright with mania.”–I love all your descriptions of his madness. His image comes through extremely clearly in this.

      “I try to share his joy. I should be happy, right? My suffering is over. But I just feel hollow.”–Gosh, I didnt realize it would even reach her emotions too, but that makes sense. Poor baby!! But so well written!!

      “Here. I have a gift for you. One to celebrate our victory over cruel Nature.” He gives me a bouquet of wildflowers, with various shades of white, grey and black, and nearly scentless.
      Wait.
      No.
      I know these flowers. I picked them again and again from the woods outside.
      These flowers should be reds, and blues and purples and yellows and all those vibrant colours of life. Their scents should be flooding my nose. They shouldn’t be like this!
      And then I realise something. They haven’t changed. They still have their colours. They still have their scent.”
      –I’m finding you really know how to structure these stories well: this works so well as the climax of the story, you really do feel the impact of the scene. It isn’t pain, or color, or emotion being taken away that makes her realize, it’s *nature*. The nature she loves so dearly. When her ability to fully enjoy that is stripped away she finally realizes the truth of the situation. Also interesting that her father calls it “cruel nature” when we know that Mary herself views nature as anything but cruel. Or perhaps she sees it as both cruel and beautiful–but nonetheless not something to be tamed or tampered with.

      I’m wondering, what affliction did she have? And what exactly did her dad turn her into? Is she just a straight-up zombie or something more unique than that?

      You were asking me why Mary is my favorite and I think another reason to what I mentioned is that I think you do *such* a good job detailing out the sensory details and differences in her new existence. Sometimes writers will have a character whose existence is changed in a similar way, but then not describe their sensations as anything different, and I don’t think it’s as realistic or as interesting. So I just find Mary’s stories as especially vivid and imaginative and immersive.

      It’s too bad you can’t be read this week, this would be a great one to hear on the stream!!

    6. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
      ThatWeirdFish

      This is amazing, Calliope!

      I love how Mary slowly discovers her new body along with the reader. It makes me wonder what she has become. An undead or an automaton, perhaps?

      I also like how you show how desperation for a cure has driven her father to madness. He gives me Dr. Frankenstien crossed with Mr. Freeze vibes.

      I really enjoyed reading your take on this prompt. Well done!

    7. IsaDragon Avatar
      IsaDragon

      Aaaaaa, that ending, that ending! You made me cry! The sudden realization that there is something very very wrong with her, you can taste her rising horror. There’s about to be an epic meltdown, if she’s even still capable of that. On one hand, you can tell almost from the beginning that something is just two steps sideways from normal- the pain never comes, she says, but there’s no emotion but dull confusion. No elation, no tiny joy at beating the odds one more day, just ‘oh, I guess I’m not hurting. Huh.”
      Ugggh. Well done. This is a horror story and we don’t even really know what’s going on, other than she’s not dead and she might prefer to be.

  17. IsaDragon Avatar
    IsaDragon

    Open Heart Surgery on a Battlefield; or, Why Captain Clanker Should Learn to Duck Already
    By Isa Dragon

    He watched the Captain go down in slow motion, molten slug to the chest. He was half aware of pushing his shell to the ground, calling for him to stay down, just stay down, while he pushed his hands into the burnt through and through.

    It missed the heart module, at the very least. It did nab the cooling systems and slagged half his connectors.

    Razor dug his hands into the coolant lines, dimly aware that Clanker, the idiot, was still trying to get up with nonfunctioning legs. Flashes of gunfire barked overhead, the squad was covering them.

    Slag. The RAM was sparking, the CPU was half melted, and coolant gushed over his hands in pulses. It wasn’t salvageable.

    “Sir, you need to eject.” he called over the noise.

    Razor started unlatching his chestplate. This was going to hurt.

    Presented facts: No shell could handle two active people. The 491st needed their commander more than their medic.

    Medic shells were designed for quick transference, it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Slag it all, he hated being so exposed. He cracked open his drive storage, waiting for— oh that little—

    “Sir, get in the drive. Don’t even try for the RAM,” he snarled, channeling every ounce of medic-always-wins he had. The CPU flickered. Died.

    Clanker’s drive finally went inert. Razor yanked him out, and popped him into the secondary carrying compartment with a snarl. As he booted he strapped his chestpla—

    ~~~

    SECONDARY DRIVE ENGAGED.

    STANDBY.

    ~~~

    Captain Clanker came online to gunfire and shouting, in a shell that ached, tight with the amount of data crammed into it, wearing a full arsenal and half a hospital, already trying to defrag the last five minutes. It took him a full 3000 milliseconds longer than it should have to realize what had happened.

    He clicked Razor’s chestplate closed, and opened the comline, while taking aim at the attackers. Dang, Razor had a nice rifle.

    “Clanker online. Razor’s out, boys and girls, don’t get too banged up now. Let’s bring this back around.”

    Drat, he had liked that shell. New ones never quite fit right.

    1. Tale Foundry Avatar
      Tale Foundry

      Oooh I love the way you’ve taken this prompt! Something tells me these aren’t full robots, but augmented humans to the point that there’s very little human left other than those things that make us human. Stubbornness, tenacity, personality. Those are all very evident here.

      The idea that a war is being fought, and that soldiers can be rebooted from a dying state is incredible. I can agree with one thing; I’m sure trying to fit in someone else’s body isn’t the easiest thing in the world. But one does what one can to survive.

      Another wonderful piece, Isa! Well done!

    2. Lari B. Haven Avatar
      Lari B. Haven

      The ideia of highly disposable soldier sounds horrifying and perverse at the same time. Exactly like war is.
      I really loved the pacing of this story is as rapid fire and the flow of the story suggests.
      It’s a really great story Isa!

    3. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      I loved this story! You come up with such interesting and esoteric worlds Isa, and the flavour of this one was great. The personality of the long-suffering Razor, and the overly confident oaf of Clanker was a great contrast. (The names are great also by the way – they feel like names right out of Robot Wars, which is very appropriate in this circumstance! XD)

      The concept demonstrated in general was also rather fascinating, especially with the work and detail you put into describing the messy process of switching shells. Especially the diagnostic of all the damage done to Clanker’s shell, and the abrupt nature of the drive switching once he was plugged in. They were just really cool and moreish details, and I’d really like to see more of this setting if prompts allow.

      Great story Isa! ^w^

  18. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
    ThatWeirdFish

    The Shepherd
    By ThatWeirdFish

    Their Master and guarding place had long since been stolen by Death and their accomplice, Time. Yet that didn’t phase the golem. Nothing did.

    The golem watched over the herd. These creatures were strange beasts, unlike any the golem had seen in the Melania of its existence. Yet, they were the last living creatures that the golem could perceive beside themself. That caused something besides the eternal instinct to protect to keep the golem there. Some longing that the golem could not understand.

    A playful tap of a stick against their leg drew the golem back from their musings. Beside them, the youngest of the herd waited with a wriggling tail. The golem smiled at the memory of the Master’s son playing the same game with another creature.

    “Fetch?” The golem asked, bending down to grab the stick. The youngling yipped and hopped in place. With a gentle toss, the branch flew across the field, a blur of scales close behind. A pang of sadness hit the golem as it watched the youngling stumble through a pile of bones on its return. The sight reminded him of the truth.

    These creatures will die. Like everything else around the golem, Time and Death will steal them away. He could feel the gods’ eyes on him and heard their mutterings in god-tongue. They were talking about the golem again.

    The golem couldn’t understand the words, but they knew what they meant. It was a wager. A wager on how long the golem would live.

    “Clay life-bearer.” The golem startled and dropped the stick. It was unusual for the gods to address the living, especially this one. “Do not be afraid, I-”

    “I know too well who you are, Death.” The golem replied and turned to face the Old Ones.

    “Well. That simplifies things.” Death regained their composure and addressed the golem again. “Tell us, clay life-bearer, the inscription on your chest.”

    “As long as there is light, be whole and full of life.”

    Death grinned and nudged the disgruntled Time. “Thank you, immortal one.”

    1. Lari B. Haven Avatar
      Lari B. Haven

      I love the take on the story. The concept of a Golem that still watches over the creature it’s meant to protect, it’s really endearing. Having them interact with the last living creatures in such a cute way, just brings the point home that they had lived for longer than anything else.
      I wonder if Death and Time are involved in some sort of bet by the looks of their interaction with the Golem in the end.
      Great story weird fish!

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This is a strange little snippet of a world here. At first I misread the start of the story, and thought the Golem was the shepard of a load of dogs! Which was sadly wrong, but being a shepard to a lot of dog-like lizard things is still a lovely way to spend your eternal existence, for as long as it lasts anyway.

      I find the relationship between the Golem and the gods quite fascinating – it seems like Death has never spoken to the Golem before, and yet they knew who Death was. The relationship of information being one-sided in that direction was a suprise to me – perhaps the gods did not realise the Golem could hear them all this time?

      And the story ends on a kinda classical reference – that to the original Golem, with the Hebrew word for ‘truth’ written on their forehead. But here, it seems to be more of a command to the Golem – a command to keep existing, so long as the light remains shining. Perhaps this is why Death was happy and Time disgruntled – whichever way they had bet, it seems like this new information makes Death’s guess more likely.

      This was a really cool story WeirdFish, well done indeed! 😀

  19. Tale Foundry Avatar
    Tale Foundry

    Broken and Crumbling
    by DukkiFluff

    I pull my cloak tighter around myself, a feeble attempt to pull the cold from my bones. I clench my jaw to keep my teeth from chittering. I’d already bitten my tongue a few times, and that pain still lingered.

    I pause to catch my breath, feeling every part of myself weakening.

    I glance back. My foot steps, which once left blooming flora in my wake, now only formed a trail of dry, greying grass.

    I stifle a whimper, and press on.

    Just a little farther. There has to be something, right?

    I finally reach the hilltop, my eyes settling on a temple, long abandoned and crumbling.

    Just like all the others before it.

    No… there must be someone inside, right? Just one person… please…

    I stumble forward, pushing the door open, only for it to break from its hinges and fall with a loud, echoing BANG on the cracked flagstones.

    At least, that’s what it felt like when it hit. I couldn’t hear it myself. I’d heard it before, so it was a safe assumption that it made at least some noise.

    Pulling at my cloak again, I continue into the temple.

    Walls overgrown with vines, sunlight filtering through massive holes in the roof, broken and uneven flagstones that once used to be a beautiful floor.

    My heart sinks.

    No one was here, either. Not one temple had anyone left…

    My legs give out, and I collapse, feeling as broken as the floor beneath me. Perhaps more so…

    I force myself to look up. I once stood in this very spot, tall and proud, looking over those who would bring me offerings and pray to me. But now it was just my lower half, the upper seeming to have broken or eroded away some time ago.

    Someone… just one person… there had to be, right?

    They’re out there somewhere… someone who still believes…

    My body grows colder, my legs crumbling away into dead petals. I can’t move. I can’t breathe.

    Please… just one…

    There has to be…


    No…

    I suppose… there’s no one after all…

    1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Oooh!! A god/dess who’s only immortal as long as people believe in them!! What a cool way to use the prompt!!

      The scene is very vivid, I think you did a really great job describing all the physical sensations they were experiencing (that first paragraph is probably my favorite for this). And you really captured just how hopeless the situation was for them. Loved that juxtaposition in the end about what a glorious creature they once were. Really shows how far they’ve fallen and how empty it feels. Them turning into petals at the end was a cool image.

      I’m curious if you had a specific god or goddess in mind, or if you just wanted to create a story about a generic god/dess.

    2. Lari B. Haven Avatar
      Lari B. Haven

      This story it’s so sad and so poetic at the same time. A goddess who’s immortality it’s brought short because there’s no one else to worship her.
      There’s such much tragedy in this longing for hope only to be met with utter desolation.
      I also love the way it incorporates the prompt, she was only imortal because someone believed in her, now she became mortal.
      Beautiful story Dukki!

    3. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This was very sad indeed. This was clearly once a beautiful god, with a trail of life left behind them, and their very essence being of plants and nature…and faith, which they have now ran out of. One wonders exactly how and why – is it just a case of an old god being forgotten by time, or has some sort of apocolypse happened? Is *everyone* dead? If so, then I suppose all the gods would swiftly follow too…

      I was especially intrigued by the contrast in what the god feels, and what we see – they are clearly deathly cold and shivering, but in the temple, we see a place of overgrown vines and sunlight – not things I’d associate with such cold weather. Is the actual climate outside fairly normal and mild, and the cold the god feels is only for them? That’s almost sadder, in a way. May they rest in peace, whoever they were.

      Lovely story Dukki. <3

    4. Iceburgh69 Avatar
      Iceburgh69

      I got the impression that the world was dying, and the gods with it. While I haven’t seen this sort of thing before, I did see the effect of a dying world in a book by Raymond E. Feist. I believe that it was Silverthorn. In it, two of the main characters travel to a dying world to obtain information from the Oracle of Aal. It was a saddening bit for several reasons, and this had that same tone. The loneliness, the desolation, the desperation.

      I liked it!

    5. IsaDragon Avatar
      IsaDragon

      This is so sad! You captured the feeling of desperation as this forgotten god searches for just one believer very well. It makes me wonder if someday, a long time from now, someone does rediscover her temple and she gains a believer again, what will happen? Will she be reborn, or stay dead?
      The tiny bits of description- the grasses that trail her instead of flowers, her constant cold, the apparent hearing loss… That’s what really gets me. She’s dying, and spends that time looking for one last life. Chills. Well done.

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