Writing Group: Beginner’s Guide to the Afterlife (PRIVATE)

Hello, Reapers and Tour Guides!

What do you think lies after this life? Where do we go? Some say we die when we sleep… or is it that we sleep when we’re dead? Maybe both are true? Either way, I think it’s time for you to show what you think waits for us on the other side of the veil, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Beginner’s Guide to the Afterlife

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

Ah, the afterlife. One of life’s greatest mysteries. What lies beyond this mortal plane? Rather ironic that this mystery of life can only be learned after life. Get it? Afterlife, after l— you know what, I’ll just take that to my grave.

The lovely thing about this prompt is that it doesn’t have to be about what lies beyond death. You could write about some big CEO who has fulfilled his career-driven dreams and finally plans to retire. What does one do with their remaining years after they’ve achieved everything they’ve ever wanted? Perhaps you choose to write about the perspective of an apple on the tree, ever growing until it’s plucked to pass on its sustenance to another being. Perhaps you choose to write about the tree, losing apple after apple. Or perhaps you write as the tree that prepares itself for its first wintery sleep. What goes on around it while it slumbers? Will its luscious foliage be missed? Will it be bigger once it wakes? What happens to all of its fallen leaves? You could even just write about a child that had their controller batteries running low. Maybe they’ve never changed the batteries before, it’s always been a parent or older sibling, and now they have to learn how to do it on their own.

You can also just address the death side of this, of course, like maybe you choose to write about someone studying what lies after death. Where do we go? Do we remain on this plane or move to another? Are we truly reborn? You could write about a grandparent that knows they’re reaching the end of their time, and so they go about arranging things with their family. Maybe you choose the next soul that is to take over the position of Death, and how they must go through training to prepare. Perhaps you introduce us to a spirit that is new to the world of the dead. A spirit who is lost, scared, and confused, and has to get through the first steps all by themselves. Or maybe a fellow spirit helps them adjust to this new world. You could even explore what it’s like to be a zombie after they’ve turned. What really goes on in their head? Are they as brain dead as the media portrays? Do they still feel, do they still think? Do they remember who they were before? Do they miss it? Perhaps you even just decide to peek into a dystopian future where all life as we know it has crumbled.

One thing to remember is that this prompt isn’t all about death. It’s about the life that came before, and the whole new life that could be after.

So go now. Breathe life into this new prompt with your immortal creativity.

—Shawna

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 7:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit, and get ready to help each other improve their confidence in their writing, as well as their skill with their craft!

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least four stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and two of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Use two paragraph breaks between each paragraph so that they have a proper space between them (press “enter” or “return” twice).
    6. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
    7. No additional text styling (such as italics or bold text). Do not use asterisks, hyphens, or any other symbol to indicate whether text should be bold, italic, or styled in any other way. CAPS are okay, though.
  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new; no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Be constructive and uplifting. These submissions are not for a professional market, and shouldn’t be treated as such. We do this, first and foremost, for the joy of the craft. Help other writers to feel like their work is valuable, and be considerate and gentle with critique when you offer it. Authors who leave particularly abrasive or disheartening remarks on this post will be disqualified from selection for readings.
    6. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    7. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    8. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

62 responses to “Writing Group: Beginner’s Guide to the Afterlife (PRIVATE)”

  1. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    When Your In-law is Among the Dead
    by Jesse Fisher; lyrics used from Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, and Oingo Boingo

    The dark navy wolf felt rather…conflicted. Ya see he wanted to spend time with his in laws, issue was his first stop was an underworld. And while he was demonic by nature, he never went to a place like it.

    Now just visiting would not bug him, it was the fact they thought he was a departed soul that needed a rundown of the whole situation. He would not mind this but the fact they stripped him and put him in lighter blue robes, then there was a presentation going on before him.

    First one looked to be some marching band reject that looked like it missed a dark glam rock concert.

    “And when we go, don’t blame us, yeah.” He sang. “We’ll let the fires just bathe us, yeah”

    “You made us oh, so famous. We’ll never let you go.”

    “Well that seemed over dramatic.” The wolf commented to himself as the next one stepped up.

    The next one looked like someone that was a chill surfer dude in life, and his voice added to it.

    “I’m a stitch away from making it, and a scar away from falling apart, apart.” A mop top hair moved showing scars. “Blood cells pixelate and eyes dilate, and the full moon pills got me out on the street at night.”

    The wolf shivered as that was far worse than the band reject, mostly due to the haunting look of the singer. Which lead to the rather dapper looking host of a skeletal nature come onto the stage. This one the wolf noticed from what his wife said he would look like.

    The jazzy music came up as the local god of death began to sing.

    “It’s a dead man’s party, who could ask for more? Everybody’s comin’, leave your body at the door. Leave your body and soul at the door.” Among the song the god picked up the wolf and began to dance.

    “Hey,” The wolf spoke up. “Grangal sent me to meet ya.”

    At the mention of the name a smile came to the skeletal face.

  2. Cansas Smith Avatar
    Cansas Smith

    Dear Newly Deceased
    By Cansas Smith (aka CansasTheWanderingMind)

    Dear newly deceased,

    So, you screwed up and got yourself dead. It happens to the best of us.

    Maybe you got shot passing by an active robbery. Maybe you were the robber and decided to go out in a blaze of glory. Perhaps you we’re some thrill seeker or daredevil who became the victim of an unfortunate accident. You might’ve been featured on “dumbest deaths in history” or had millions lighting candles around the world in your honor. You could have been beat up in a dark alley and left out for the rats. Or ended up just another dead soldier, killed in one of your wars. It is possible that you died of old age, but we both know how unlikely that is.

    Now you’ve woken up in a strange place and are unsure of where you are, or even what you are. Well you need not fear for we are here to help.

    Who are we? I’m so glad you asked. We are the Patrolling Assistant Spirits Spectating and Encouraging Reanimated Souls. P.A.S.S.E.R.S for short. It is our job to guide every soul to its next place.

    Some go to heaven and some to hell. Others choose Valhalla and some are sent to Purgatory. Some souls become P.A.S.S.E.R.S and some simply drift off into the abyss. No matter your race, gender, or religion every soul has a place after death. Even animal souls become angels or stars or creatures of hell.

    By the time you are reading these words, a door will have appeared in front of you. This door will lead you to your first option. After you’ve had a look around say the words below and another door will open.

    ”Avaa sielun portti”

    Each door will take you to a different afterlife. Once you have decided on one, let us know and we’ll set you up in your next state of being.

    Should you run into any trouble or require assistance just give us a shout. We’re always be here to help.

    Regards from your personal P.A.S.S.E.R, Epona.

    1. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      I like this concept of an organization of dead helping other souls pass on. This almost reads as a prologue to a bigger story. I hope you pursue a P.A.S.S.E.R.S. series, Cansas. There were a few grammatical hiccups (we’re instead of were, it’s instead of it’s), but it didn’t take away the sense of wonder the letter provides. Nice work.

  3. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    First Few Hours Being Dead
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    “How do you haunt people?”

    The tour guide nearly dropped her clipboard. “Hauntings? Dear, has no one explained haunting proceedings to you yet?”

    “Uh, no,” replied the boy who had decided his name was Evan, “I’ve only been dead for, like, three hours? Also, when do I get to learn how I died? Who I was? I barely remember anything.”

    The tour guide sighed, leaning against the wall of the rickety building. Well, leaning somewhat into the wall, as she was both incorporeal and not bound to gravity, so the whole action was quite useless, honestly. “Am I the first ghost you’ve met so far?”

    “No, there was this other guy who found me and led me to this haunted house—”

    “Please, we call it a Clubhouse. We have entertainment services running all hours, and the living stay away through what you may have once called a ‘haunting’ back before you died.”

    “Right. Sorry.” Evan cleared his translucent throat. “So, do I get to haunt people?”

    “We have rules and regulations when it comes to interfering with the living. Here,” the tour guide removed a flimsy piece of paper from her clipboard and handed it to Evan. “Our flier should cover everything about interacting with objects. Once you get that down, our website link is on the back, so you’ll have all your info in one place.

    Evan read through the whole flier extremely quickly, looking for anything about more than just moving physical objects, but found nothing except advertisements for the Clubhouse he was already in. And to be very careful with all the ghost rules.

    “Anyways, I believe that concludes our tour—”

    “Wait!” Evan stopped her. “When do I learn how I died? Or my old name?”

    The tour guide sighed, looking defeated. Check the news. If your death’s not there, it’s not anywhere. That’s just how it is.”

    “… Oh.”

    “Welcome to the afterlife, kid,” the tour guide messed with her clipboard. A blank name tag was stuck to the back. “You get used to it.”

    1. Woo-hoo! Clipboard crew!
      I really like this piece, Carrie. I think I enjoy the part about the flyer the most. It’s a familiar thing with only a smattering of information and loads of promotional material clogging the rest of the space.
      One tiny pick I have: I think you may have forgotten a set of quotation marks in front of {Check the news}.
      Overall, wonderful piece!

    2. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Ouch. Poor Evan. I love how mundane you’ve made the afterlife in this piece. It’s almost as if the haunted house acts as a holding cell for spirits, but the rules of the living world still somewhat apply. The image of a ghost using the Internet was very funny. There was one missing quotation mark (in front of Check) and that’s the only criticism I have. This piece is solid.

  4. Taskmaster Time
    by Astrid Jones

    Alan Haverty had never been a bad person, but he also couldn’t claim to be a saint. He knew there had to be something waiting for him when he died. He just wasn’t sure what.

    What it turned out to be wasn’t at all what he had been expecting.

    After taking his final, pain-filled breath, he suddenly found himself seated at a table in a conference room. It wasn’t blindingly white or suffocatingly hot. It was a typical, everyday office conference room. He blinked in confusion and rubbed the arm rests of the office chair.

    The man standing at the head of the table cleared his throat loudly. Alan swiveled in his chair like a schoolboy caught daydreaming, noticing belatedly there were others seated around the table with him.

    “Now that we’re all present,” the standing man said irritably.

    Alan felt a ripple of anxiety. Had he been the last to arrive. Was he late? How did he even get here? The last thing he could remember was laying in bed, struggling to…

    His breath caught in his throat. Whatever the man was saying was drowned out by Alan’s blood pounding in his ears. Did he even still have blood?

    A clipboard cracked down on his head. It wasn’t a hard hit, consisting mostly of sound. Alan forgot his panic as he grabbed his head. He swiveled in the office chair to find the man who’d been at the head of the table standing behind him, offending clipboard in hand, arms akimbo.

    “If you’re quite finished,” the man said.

    Alan nodded his head.

    “Good. Now please fill out your evaluation paperwork so we can get you assigned to the proper department.”

    “Department?”

    “Yes, department. You’ll be assigned to Ghost, Skeleton, Zombie, or Other. Now hurry up. We’ve got another session scheduled in 20 minutes.” The man walked back to the front of the table, consulting his clipboard.

    Alan rubbed his head again. Even after death, time was going to be a demanding taskmaster.

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Astrid, I really like the worldbuilding here. Your descriptions are very detailed, which adds a lot to the immersion. Is the “session” line a nod to tabletop gaming? I’m not sure I understand everything that is going on in this story, but I don’t think I have to, as Alan is also very clearly confused. Overall, Astrid, great concept and lovely execution. Nice job!

      1. Nope, no tabletop gaming references were purposefully made. I meant it to be more of an orientation session, like for a job or a college class. I hope that clears up at least a little bit of the confusion!

    2. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      I think death as bureaucracy might be a concept I’ve never experienced before. This was great. This felt very uncomfortable in a good way. These foreign sensations that Alan experienced were unnerving and did a good job showing us that he’s dead. He doesn’t breathe because he no longer needs to. His blood has stopped pumping. And you showed us that without telling us explicitly. That’s great. This piece is fantastic. Nice job, Astrid.

    3. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      I see someone has been into the death as bureaucracy. And I like the idea that your eternal self is all on paper work. Kinda a funny trope switch there of going to the afterlife but choosing your life. Also I know you might have expanded the list of occupations if you had the word could, cause that other has a lot of options.

  5. MysteryElement Avatar
    MysteryElement

    Nanna’s Gambit
    By MysteryElement

    Nanna had always been odd. You could never tell when she was being serious or messing with you, and she LOVED messing with people. Even her funeral had been strange, with an empty open casket.
    My mother and aunts had been the easiest targets, and I had somehow become her partner in crime until the day she passed. Even now, really. After the Will reading, the lawyer had given me a set of keys saying, “your grandmother’s final request is that you are the only one permitted into the house until you find what these keys open.”

    My relatives were all anxious to go through the house, for one reason or another, so soon enough I was there. The first key opened the front door, but I was in no hurry. I wanted to secure anything sentimental before my family came. Even without trying, I soon found the small wooden box the second key opened. Inside were pictures of us, a small thumbdrive, and an open envelope. In the envelope was a checklist.

    Make peace with Brenda

    Hide silver

    Pick up eggs

    Place order with engravers

    End the feud

    Leave watermelon, Katie’s porch

    Find the Yellow Sign

    Paint doors black

    ‘Forgive Maxim’ had been crossed out and replaced with; Create Special Brownies for Maxim.

    Paint over the Monet

    Hide eggs

    Find that thumbdrive

    Don’t finish the pie
    P.s. Make new pie

    Plant shells and bells in garden

    Set the trap

    Etc.

    Each task had a checkmark, except for ‘Find that thumbdrive’ which only piqued my curiosity. Some items on the list were so scratched out that I still cannot make out what they had been. The list had been titled, ‘how to live forever’.

    A few days later, strange things started happening, and these occurrences are still happening, even today. When Nanna’s gravestone was set in place I could only smile. It read, ‘You Will Always Wonder if it was Me’ across the stone.

    Sure enough, Nanna still lives on to this day in all of our memories, willingly or not.

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Mystery, this whole story is incredibly intruding. The first strange event, the empty open casket, is followed by the Will and then by the entire list, the story never ceasing to be interesting and almost horrifying. But then the last line wraps it all up very nicely, and the story is quite sweet. I really like how you handled this elaborate story idea in so few words. Great job, Mystery!

    2. Isa Dragon Avatar
      Isa Dragon

      Can I just- this is really, really cool. Nanna is best grandmother. What a legacy to leave, ‘you will always wonder if it was me’, she seems like she was a schemer to the end. One thing that does concern me- the thumbdrive was in the box, and that does mean Nanna finished her list, even if it wasn’t checked through.
      And what a bucket list it is. I’ve made random lists for other stories, and it’s always hard to balance the mundane, the fantastic, and the unsettling. This one does a very good job at being right on the edge of silly and alarming- “hide eggs” and “set the trap” are my favorites. What in the world does she need to hide eggs for? I’m guessing to let them rot somewhere, probably to do with that feud mentioned.
      I wish you had more words to elaborate on the ‘strange things’ that started happening after her funeral, and maybe a sense of time for when ‘even today’ is. If it’s a few days later, or years later, it really makes me wonder just how long of a long con she was playing.
      This piece keeps me asking questions, well done!

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      This is quite the haunting. Even if there is no actual ghost, this lady has made her relatives’ lives hell for at least five years. I kinda love and hate that at the same time. On one hand, your life will never be dull. On the other, it might complicate the mourning process. And that’s what I love about this piece: it poses tough questions with no straightforward answers. Well done, Mystery.

    4. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      Tagback!

      This is a wild story. Reminds me a lot of The Westing Game. I’m impressed that you managed to condense it to 350 words. The pacing is solid too!

      Great job ME!

    5. Cansas Smith Avatar
      Cansas Smith

      This is an absolutely wonderful combination of dark humor, mystery, and downright horror. What a tricksy granny! That list was incredible. I love the ordinary items mixed with the uh, questionable items. I’m wondering if old Nanna picked up then hid some dragon (or another mystical creature) eggs. Oh man, and that legendary gravestone! “you will always wonder if it was me.” I guess that’s one way to leave a lasting impression. XD Amazing piece Mystery! I really enjoyed reading this!

  6. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “The Shepherdess”
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane

    The world shifted from black to gold as the recently deceased stopped sinking. Their eyes shot open as their feet hit what felt like ground, but appeared to be nothing. Dietlinde walked forward, her staff ready. The dead always panicked when they first see someone walking around. The seashells on the tip of her staff rattled as the strange woman tapped her staff on the ground twice. A calm came over the small throng and Dietlinde sighed in relief. For once, maybe the dead would be much more docile.

    “Follow me,” she commanded, raising her staff.

    Most of them looked at her. A few of them had a doe eyed look to them. Others seemed to be wary. Dietlinde sighed and pointed her staff in the direction they were to go.

    “Excuse me, miss?”

    The individual that spoke was a girl that, in Dietlinde’s mind, couldn’t have been older than seven. Her dark hair waved the invisible currents around them and her eyes, despite being void of light, seemed to radiate intelligence.

    Dietlinde brought down her staff cautiously. “May I help you?”

    “Are you Death?”

    The staff-bearing woman felt like she tripped and hit the ground hard. For someone so young to make such a statement…

    “Um, no. I am a shepherdess. Perhaps you’ve heard of us?”

    The girl shook her head. “No. I’ve only heard about Old Man Death.”

    Dietlinde’s eyebrows furrowed. Heretical teachings were nothing new: false psychopomps trying to trick souls. However, this was the first time she’d ever heard of this one.

    Dietlinde cleared her throat. “Old Man Death is just a story. It falls to us Shepherds to lead souls to where they need to go.”

    Then, the girl did something that the shepherdess rarely saw. She smiled.

    “Oh, okay! I thought you were going to turn into an ugly old man.”

    Dietlinde chuckled softly. “Well, if we have no more questions, let’s head to the First Gate.”

    The shepherdess pointed with her staff, and, slowly, the throng of souls marched in that direction. Dietlinde followed them, keeping them together. Their perilous journey had begun.

    1. I like this version of the ferryman, if that’s what you were going for. I can’t help but make the connection as Dietlinde is assisting the souls in their crossing. I also really enjoy that they, the Shepherds, do not claim to be Death. They simply lead, they do not reap. Overall, I really liked your piece, Wolfsbane.

    2. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      Children will say the darnedest things. I like the idea of afterlife shepherds, not reapers, helping to take the dead to the next world. And a more fitting title I could not imagine. The dead would naturally be confused, and getting them all together and headed in the right direction would require such skills. I do like that a child would just come out and start questioning who Dietlinde is, free of self consciousness. This was a good one, Wolfsbane.

  7. Matthew (Handsome Johanson) Avatar
    Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    First Day
    by Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    Cecilia jumps as the van hits another bump on the road.

    “Hey! Watchit! You don’t need to be going 90 on a 45. I’m sure everything will be ok at the” Cecilia is cut off as another bump shakes the van. “…place.”

    “Sorry, Cels,” Luke pulls his foot off the gas and the van slows back down. “I guess I’m just a bit nervous. This is our first poltergeist! The family has been tortured for months. I’m not sure if we’ll be able to handle this…”

    “Wait, what did you call them?”

    “A poltergeist?”

    “They prefer to be called rumbleghosts.” Cecilia huffs.

    “I… what?”

    “Only the german rumbleghosts are poltergeists.”

    “That’s a fair point… I guess. Just, I want you to take this seriously, Cels. We could get really hurt if we aren’t careful.” Luke says, as they finally break into the residential area.

    “I will. I promise.”

    The van pulls up to a small, clean residential house. The pair get out and carefully inspect the outside of the building.

    “Got anything Cels?” Luke calls in the middle of changing his detecting device.

    “I think the rumbleghost is inside.” Cecilia whispers, not sure if she should be quiet or not.

    Luke heads to the door and opens it with the key the homeowner sent.

    “Hello?” he calls out to no answer.

    “Here, let me try. HELLO?!?” Cecelia’s scream reverberates throughout the house, seconds later, a young boy appears in front of them.

    He looks at them and moments later, tosses a mug from an end table onto the floor. Luke jumps at the sight of a disembodied plate being thrown across the room, but Cecelia just scowls.

    “That’s not very nice, mister! You could get someone hurt like that!”

    “Huh? You can see me?” The boy freezes and looks right at Cecelia.

    “Of course I can. I’m a medium.”

    “A medium? B-but I’m not dead… am I?”

    “I’m afraid you are, young one. Here.” Cecilia takes out a small book from her jacket. “This is ‘The Pocket Guide to the Afterlife!’ You’ll need it.”

    “Uh… thanks.” He sheepishly takes it.

    1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Oh gosh, this is such a fun story!!

      ““I guess I’m just a bit nervous. This is our first poltergeist!”
      Me: *leans into the mic*
      Me: Hell yeah

      “They prefer to be called rumbleghosts.”
      –I don’t know if this is an actual mythological thing, or if it’s something you made up, but it’s super fun.

      “Here, let me try. HELLO?!?” Cecelia’s scream reverberates throughout the house, seconds later, a young boy appears in front of them.”
      –Cecelia’s so fun XD
      Luke, calmly: Hello?
      Cecelia: *screams*
      I also love that the rumbleghost is a mischievous little boy. That’s a nice touch that makes it both more fun, and more sad, in a way.

      “That’s not very nice, mister! You could get someone hurt like that!”
      “Huh? You can see me?” The boy freezes and looks right at Cecelia.
      “Of course I can. I’m a medium.”
      “A medium? B-but I’m not dead… am I?”
      –I really loved this interaction. It’s so short, but it feels so real and exciting. I’d love to read more about the interactions between these three.
      I’m curious how he didn’t know he was dead, if nobody could see him, though.

      This was a super fun read. I’m finding I’m especially enjoying the stories that deal with ghosts this week. In addition to just enjoying the subject matter, and the way it’s portrayed, I really liked all the interactions between the three of them. I’d love to read a longer story about them.

      Small critiques,
      “Cecilia jumped as the van hit another bump on the road.”
      –This line was in the wrong tense!

      I’m always unsure if I should critique people on this, because it’s a personal preference, but the main thing I wasn’t sure about was “The Pocket Guide to the Afterlife.” It wasn’t bad or anything, I think the idea, and the interaction, is very very cute, but I’m never the biggest fan of using the prompt so directly. It takes me out of the story a bit. I felt like the fact that it was Cecelia’s first time dealing with a rumbleghost, and Luke was warning and correcting her about some things in dealing with them, was enough of a “guide” for me personally.
      Though, I think if you had called it “Handbook for the Recently Deceased” it would have worked for me. It wouldn’t be directly the prompt, and I would appreciate the reference.
      Although, come to think of it, is the “Pocket Guide to the Afterlife” an actual book or reference? If so, maybe it’s okay XD

      All in all, a great story!! This would be a fun one to hear read on stream.

    2. Isa Dragon Avatar
      Isa Dragon

      I love this! This sassy little medium just walking up and correcting misconceptions and genuinely helping the ghost adapt to being a ghost… this is so sweet and fun!
      I would absolutely read a novella about this concept, this feels like an establishing character moment. Just from this scene, we know Cecelia is experienced with a new partner, Luke, and they’re adventuring to solve hauntings. And there’s the unnamed rumbleghost friend, who just is. He’s great. I know nothing about him except that he’s frustrated and scared, and I just wanna pat him on the head and give ’em a cookie.
      This is amazing, you’ve gotten me attached to these three characters and made them feel like people in such few words. I am in awe. I love this. Well done.

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Rumbleghosts. That’s fun. One quick grammar note before I praise this piece: you can use em dashes to show that someone was interrupted. So, “… I’m sure everything will be good at the —“ … “— place.” That aside, this was a fun, interesting take. It reminds me of Ghost Whisperer, but with a ghost hunting theme. Nice job, Johan.

    4. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      A sudden and almost unexpected twist, I like it! The story was well set up, so when Cecelia hands the ghost boy a pocket guide it feels completely in character. Honestly when she did that my brain was saying “yep, this makes sense, she would totally do that.” for such a short amount of time you have revealed the characters in their setting effectively well. Thank you for the sweet and mysterious story, it was a lovely read.

  8. chronichDreamer Avatar
    chronichDreamer

    Heaven is Other People
    By chronicDreamer
    “I really don’t think that’s right.” Da’at’s halo wavering as his head shook.
    “You’re a young god so the skepticism is warranted, even with the epithets you boast.” Smiling, Manson scooped up Doe in one hand as she came in with refreshments. He relinquished her of the load and began to undo her braid. “I think it would be best to show you.” Manson’s certain smile rested on Doe as he began to comb out her hair.
    “Observe,” Manson directed Da’at to Doe, who hid her face in her hands as it burned.
    Da’at frowned. “And your point?”
    “The majority of the native population of my city are demons. While devils simply see them as tools to further their selfish indulgences, they don’t start out that way. They have their beginning as anything that falls into the godless depths of the Pit, as mortal souls twisted into devils.”
    “Not much of a punishment,” scoffed Da’at. “The only wardens they have are the angles at the borders. How could this hell possibly compare to the souls being punished in the personal damnation we gods oversee? I simply think you’re being biased with your evaluation, yourself being a Devil Lord. I thought you were the king of greed not pride.”
    The playful glint in the Grey Angel’s eyes faded as his gaze met Da’at’s. “You’re right. We have no fancy metric that evaluates the crimes and constructs the perfect punishment for the perpetrator. No constant supervision to make sure the hell they endure remains at the
    peek of pain. We simply have each other.” Manson petted Doe’s cheek as she dosed on his lap. “Isn’t she sweet? You wouldn’t have guessed she was a succubus, made as object to sexual abuse and defiled like a toy. Now any sweet touch is overwhelming because the concept is so alien to her.”
    “I see.” Da’at said flatly. “And of heaven?”
    “The same. Heaven is other people.” He lightly kissed Doe on the cheek goodnight.

    1. Isa Dragon Avatar
      Isa Dragon

      This is an interesting concept, the idea of the traumas carrying over to the afterlife. It almost makes it seem right on the edge of too lifelike for undeath. It’s defiantly something to think about. I am a bit confused at a couple of things- I think you’re implying that heaven doesn’t exist as a physical place in this afterlife, but I’m not sure.

      I would like to gently remind you about formatting, paragraph breaks are signified by a blank line between them, or hitting ‘enter’ not once, but twice. It also looks like you have a couple linebreaks in the middle of sentences, and it makes this piece hard to follow.

      Other than that, keep up the interesting ideas! I’d love to see what you write next!

      1. chronicDreamer Avatar
        chronicDreamer

        Yah I’m not sure why when I coped it over from my drive that the format became so mangled.
        As for the story I am disappointed in myself that I was not able to properly portray the setting threw character interaction. It is supposed to be the tale end of a lecture Manson is giving to Da’at. Monson being a Devil Lord, an entity that holds some of the highest power in the Pit, a place that selfish mortal souls go when they die without dedicating themselves to a god. Da’at wanted to know Manson’s thoughts about what makes a good after life, as he is a young god recently elevated by an increase in worshipers. Manson fearnley believes hell is other people, nothing an omnipotent god can do to humanity that humans cant do to each other ten fold. Doe was made from the shredded soul of a devil turned into nothing more then an object, creating a new being in a lawless hell to simply sure the whites of twisted mortal souls despite her only sin being birthed in the Pit. The conclusion he has about haven is the same, with himself being the ruler of a kingdom on the border of heven and hell were devils and angels mingle and demons can finally awaken to thier autonomy. Monsoons sin was being the first conqueror, how selshisly took over land after land at any coast while sacrificing his mortal soul to create the perfect empire for his people, which included anyone he conquered. Once you were his you were more precious to him then any treasure witch is why when he died the first thing he did as a devil was steal demons out form other devil lords and start again on his empire.

    2. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      So, a couple of pointers. You might want to space your paragraphs apart for ease of reading. Also, you might want to put trigger warnings next to your title. Anyway, the story is interesting, but I feel it’s a lot of tell and not a lot of show. However, I do think that your idea of “heaven is other people” is worth exploring.

      Also, I think this might be the first time I’ve seen you in the writing group. Welcome! Hope to read more from you soon!

      1. chronicDreamer Avatar
        chronicDreamer

        I’m not vary good at deserving instances where I should note triggers. What trigger warning should I have used?
        Sorry about the paragraphing I didn’t realize when I transferred it from my drive it would become so badly garbled.
        I wanted to put a spin on the prompted framing the micro fiction as a god asking about what makes for a good hell and heaven, so the telling is intentional. I did my best to mitigate the lack of interest from the reader by coming in at the end of the discussion so the questions that come about from the holes in the dialogue can maintain interest where telling usually takes away from it.
        I have posted in the private group in the past this is just me coming back to it. Hopefully I’ll be posting in next weeks to I’m using the writing group as my writing for writing sake.

        1. WolfsbaneX Avatar
          WolfsbaneX

          You mention sexual abuse. That’s what I was referring to.

    3. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      Well this is an afterlife I’ve not seen, a lord that cares about the damned. That is a strange thing given the tropes you setup and twisted. I like this Da’at being our perspective it give us someone who is learning along side us. I also like Manson’s epitaph being the “Grey Angel”, gives us more a hint to his true nature.

      All I really can complain about is how this just seems like a wall of text and splitting a sentence necessity.

      1. chronicDreamer Avatar
        chronicDreamer

        I promise the next story I’ll make sure when I move it over from my drive I’ll separate it out again. This is my second time back to writing but this is the first time it became so garbled. Thank you for your feed back!

  9. Isa Dragon Avatar
    Isa Dragon

    On Love and Death and Dancing Dogs
    By Isadragon337

    “Hey Jackson?”

    Jackson lazily cracked his eyes open, rolling over to look at Katarina on the other side of the bed. He didn’t strictly need sleep, but it was nice.

    “Mmm?” was his very intelligent response.

    “What happens when you die?”

    Oh. Suddenly quite awake, Jackson put his thoughts in order.

    “Odd topic for…” he looked at the clock. Blinked. Nope. Too early. As if to taunt him, the red numbers ticked over to 2:57.

    “For?”

    “Way too early in the morning, love.” Jackson huffed.

    “You don’t sleep.” Even in almost-perfect darkness, Jackson knew exactly what her raised eyebrow looked like.

    “But you do.”

    “Then tell me, so I can stop worrying about it.”

    Jackson sighed.

    “If you don’t want to—” Katarina started.

    “No, no, just….” He dragged a clawed hand through his hair. “Trying to put the words in order.”

    “Take your time.”

    Jackson smiled past the lump in his throat. If he still had his heart, he was sure it would have melted right then and there.

    “Basically, I’m sworn to the Grandmother Hound. She is a death aspect, and part of being adopted was her eating my heart.” Jackson ran his hand through the red witch’s hair, to distract himself. Grandmother’s fangs were… here and now, Jackson.

    “Mmhm?”

    “It made me stronger, faster, which is, well. It’s not that I am much stronger or faster, it’s just that I don’t get tired. I get hungry instead.”

    “Like most undead.”

    “Yeah.” He paused. “I’m not quite dead yet. It’s a bit of a grey area, but legally speaking I’m what’s called a Living Hound or, uh, I think the direct translation is more like… ‘hunter hound who breathes.’”

    “So…”

    “I’m not going to become one of those blue rotten things we were hunting today.” He laughed, a bitter thing. “No, those are zombie dogs. I’d become a… spirit, of sorts, serving the Matron.”

    “And if you were resurrected?” Katarina murmured.

    “Please don’t try that, it would not end well.” Jackson smiled. “I’ll find you, no matter where the red dance takes you. I promise.”

    1. chronichDreamer Avatar
      chronichDreamer

      This is a very sweet little story. The character interaction mixed with the explanation of the world and it’s mechanics is always a fun touch. When you have a word limit as small as ours this is a very cleaver trick to make every word do more for you. It all felt vary intimate between the two. the story filled me with a happy fuzzy feeling from their relationship, even though the line of questioning was initiated by worry.
      I know how hard it can be to make questioning seem organic. I myself try to avoid the ‘as you know’ way of doing it and the ‘basically’ you use felt a little bit like it however if this was the first time he was explaining his existence to her it would make sense. Personally I’m not sure how much the ‘basically’ contributes to the piece but you did it perfect in my opinion when you had him start to describe how his strength worked and she made a close but not quite accurate compassion naturally prompting him to contrast the two different states of being so you reader can learn more about the setting without sacrificing immersion.
      The way you wrapped it all up too was well done, ending it with the reason why she made the inquiry in the first place and the potential plots that can stem from the narrative after this point. It was a nice extra bit of lore topped with a helping dollop of good character building, my favorite thing in narratives.

    2. Cansas Smith Avatar
      Cansas Smith

      As someone with insomnia, the randomly wondering what happens when you die at 3am is very relatable. Jackson and Katarina’s interactions are really sweet, and you mixed the world building in there nicely. I’m sure you’ve submitted pieces with these characters before… or maybe I’m making it up. Either way I love these characters and the world they live in sounds very interesting.

      That last line “I’ll find you, no matter where the red dance takes you. I promise.”
      It’s just beautiful! So flowy and poetic. Great submission Isa!

  10. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    [Removed]

    1. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      I really like the characterization in the little asides he makes. I suppose that this is Victor, though it could be another incarnation talking to him. It’s an interesting promise here, that he embodies his own suffering and has become cognizant of that incarnation.

      My one critique is the quotation marks. I’m not sure if it’s another character talking to him or if he’s pantomiming another viewpoint, strawmanesquely. If the latter, perhaps use single quotation marks so it’s clearer.

      Great job!

    2. Matthew (Handsome Johanson) Avatar
      Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

      Oooooo I love the tone of this! very interesting. a mirror of musings to reflect that the MC does care, and impart a hopeful , if practical introspection on a serious topic x3 These kind of pieces are always a fun tool for the author to muse about and impart what may be on their or their character’s minds 🙂

      One of my favorites of this kind of piece is the Unnamable by H P Lovecraft. he goes into a subtle short discussion in character about some of the critiques he had got and reaffirming his artistic direction while weaving it into a very nice narrative. the musings bring you into a false sense of comfort, they walk into dark territories, but you feel like you’re only listening to a story, until reality literally hits the main characters and they wake up in a hospital, attacked by the very monster they were chatting so casually about.

      I think if you wanted, you could weave this charming interaction, thought provoking interaction into a greater narrative, or you could leave it as is as a thoughtful standalone. regardless, it works very well and is a joy to read :3

      Finally, I’ll list off a few awkward grammar bits.
      “When you experience my type of death recognize it is—I am—still Death. Few do” i know what you are trying to say, but this line is a bit confusing!
      “But you can let grief eat you, or commence an epic battle, return with scars, and the head of the beast.” this could be smoothed out a tiny bit 🙂 at the moment, it’s just a little chopped up. the last section i mean. there are too many comas imo!

      Anyway, great work as always! 😀 love reading and hearing your stuff!

    3. Oh my goodness. I love this piece. You took this prompt in a direction I didn’t even consider and hecking ran with it. I love this concept of different types of Death, especially this Spiritual Death who knows grief oh so well.
      Also, I might steal “Cabin Boy Condescending” if you don’t mind too much. I’ve never heard that before and I LOVE it.

    4. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Ever since I read certain stories from the Discworld universe, I have always loved the idea of multiple kinds of Death, split and differentiated into more specific domains and purposes. And this was a very cool way to reveal that too! Victor as a Death who hasn’t seen the afterlife, who’s flavour of death leaves you still alive afterwards – most of the time, anyway. He’s quite the motivating talker too! 😀

      I do share Rvmple’s critique about the quotation marks – I *assume* he was basically sockpuppeting a response to himself, but I wasn’t entirely sure if that was the case or not.

      I wonder who he is talking to in this story too. Right at the end, he seems to respond to someone ‘off-screen’, as if someone else actually asked him something that we were not privvy to. Is he just talking to us, the Reader, or did you have a specific character in mind here?
      In any case, good story Anti! :3

    5. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      This was such a profound piece for me. I was immediately reminded of the spiritual deaths of my life, reminded of how much they hurt, how much everything here was relevant. I wish I had this Death there to talk me though this in the past. Thank you so much for writing this, Antihero.

    6. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      I really like what you did here Anti. The perspective narrative lends to the piece very well, and their explanation of a spiritual death is really keen, I like it a lot. I never would have thought to personify death in this way, the little deaths and transitions we experience over and over, for what is death but a transition? This was a really creative take, not only that but I also love the personality you have given our narrator. We do not know a lot about them, other than their embodiment, but their speech conveys a somber but kind character I think. Great job

  11. MasaCur Avatar
    MasaCur

    A Hotel in Limbo
    By MasaCur

    I was in a grand hotel lobby and I couldn’t remember how I got there. I didn’t recognize the people around me, nor found any of my luggage.

    “Hello, may I be of service?”

    I turned to the voice with a start and saw, standing before me, a tall man with shaggy red hair and a black silk suit.

    “I don’t know. I’m not sure what I’m doing here,” I said confused. I stare at the man. There was something unusual about the way he looked. Something I couldn’t identify. He had a guileless smile that both did and didn’t seem to fit him.

    “Not unusual for those that have just died,” the man replied.

    “Died?”

    “Yes. Please, sir, let’s get you checked in.” He led me to the hotel’s front desk.

    “Name please?” the man asked.

    “Diego. Diego Reyes.” My name spilled from my lips absently, as I tried to come to terms with my death.

    The man tapped on a computer in front of him. “Ah yes, Senor Reyes. Heart attack. Always sad to see someone die before reaching their golden years. Shame when people die young. If you’ll follow me.”

    “I’m sorry,” I said, trying to catch up. “Where is this place, anyway? And who are you?”

    “My apologies, Senor Reyes. I’m Azazel, and this is the Assessment Hotel.” As he spoke, details started to materialize. His black wings, his halo of fire.

    “Am I in Hell? I mean, I haven’t been perfect, but I always tried to do right…”

    Azazel held up his hand. “No, no. You’re in Limbo. You’ll stay here until we can extract the sins from your soul. Depending on the weight of your sins, you’ll either move on to Utopia, or into one of the inner rings of Hell.”

    I hadn’t noticed that he was leading me down a hotel corridor. We stopped at a door, and he opened it. “Your room, Senor Reyes.”

    “Oh, um, thank you.” I stepped in.

    “Enjoy your stay with us,” Azazel said, his guileless smile beaming. “I just hope the sin extraction doesn’t hurt too much.”

    1. Matthew (Handsome Johanson) Avatar
      Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

      Hmm this is interesting. why do i have an ominous sense of foreboding? >.> this was a neat take on the prompt. it reminds me a lot of grim fandango, like, the whole concept of there being a very business centered afterlife. where you have to actually live in a human-like world before you move on. it’s a bit superficial, but the name Reyes doesn’t help to not evoke it xD Interesting start to either some fun adventures, or a nightmarish horror!

      Let’s do some grammar and nitpicks!
      “I didn’t recognize the people around me, nor found any of my luggage.” this is awkward. i’m not really sure what this is trying to say.

      “I said confused. I stare at the man.” Choose a tense!

      “There was something unusual about the way he looked. Something I couldn’t identify.” this should be one sentence.

      “as I tried to come to terms with my death.” i think this comes from role playing and wanting to describe emotions that can be difficult to convey quickly xD I do it too, which is why i’m calling it out lol. this is too straight forward. what are they doing to convey this? how are they dealing with it? use some imagery, use some sounds, our even through in a thought.

      as always, great work!

  12. At the Start of the Journey
    C. M. Weller

    Feah looked down at her body, knowing why she felt no fear at last. It had been a good life and the adults keeping watch turned away as her last breath rattled in her throat. They lit candles and lanterns, using mirrors to cast light into the shadows. She remembered doing that for her mother, but now… she could SEE the demons waiting to try and take her newly-freed spirit to pieces.

    Yet, she was unafraid. Of course. All the things she had to be afraid with were gently cooling on the bier she had died on. There would be at least four keeping the shadows away from the body while her spirit gained strength. They would not speak her name until the minor moon, Lady Sleep, hid once more behind the mother moon, Lady Night. Lady Sleep would have Feah’s soul by then, taking her from the mortal earth into the realms beyond, where she would be judged by the stars. That was some weeks away, yet.

    Those guarding her could not be pregnant, nor trying to become so. They could not risk her entering a new life and stifling the spirit of a child yet to be. That was a crime and would weigh heavy on her. So it was that her guardians would, and had to be, the men of the house.

    They were called in, lanterns already lit and aloft, swapping places with the too young and the too old who had stayed watch before. When the sun again dawned, the too old would come to wash her. They would dress her for the pyre in a simple shift. Where she was going, clothes would no longer be necessary.

    In a week, Lady Sleep would appear, both in the sky and by Feah’s side, to tell her all the things she must know before judgement. Then, as Lady Sleep journeyed behind her mother, Feah’s family would light a lantern from the pyre and set it into the sky. There, to become one with the stars, and guide generations thereafter.

    1. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      Tagback review!

      I like that you took ‘dark night of the soul’ somewhat literally for this piece. It feels like the lead up to a much larger scene though, with the exposition characterized as it is. Which leads to the critique: the piece isn’t very dramatized or tied to Feah’s experience. Most of it feels future tense and not particularly relevant to this intimate moment of death.

      Good job!

      1. I was aiming for the ‘guide’ part more than personality.

    2. This feels very folktale-ish and I feel like that style fits this piece quite well. There’s a definite belief these people have and pass down to each generation. While this story seems, at first, to be about Feah, it’s really more about this tradition. If it was your intent to make this more about Feah, I would suggest giving her more memories to think about while she is observing what’s going on around her. You have a small one in the very beginning, about her mother. A few more wouldn’t go amiss. (However, that pesky word limit gets in the way.)

  13. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
    RVMPLSTLTSKN

    God And Quasimortal
    By RVMPLSTLTSKN (The Saga of The Deep One’s Wake)

    The meeting of gods can be a ponderous and long affair. And it can be the span of a firelight. Such is Eternity. But the meeting of god and quasimortal is always brief and timely.

    Father was giving comfort to a crying child when the stranger walked into Sostine. The stranger had a mass of coils for hair and red eyes. He was naked from the waist up and wore only a skirt, headscarf and half-shoes. Father knew he was a foreigner by the materials in his dress.

    Father went to the man and stood in front of him.

    The man stopped walking. “I feel you but I cannot see you.”

    “Who are you?” Father asked.

    “I am called Krao, spirit. Who are you?”

    “I am called Father.”

    The man chuckled. “Are all spirits so impertinent?”

    “I am the defender of my family.”

    Krao studied the town ahead. New building in ancient ruins. “Your children do not know you are weak. In my realm, you would be little more than a housespirit.”

    “I am a god.”

    “You are weak,” Krao said, his expression sad. He stepped through Father to make his point.

    Father was surprised by the normalcy of man’s soul.

    “I am here because if I return to my realm, I must die. This is my choice, to live. I will teach you, Father, to protect your family. I think you have been lucky so far, but there are powers you can’t understand and they dwarf the gods who set the foundation of this city.”

    Father heard Krao’s words and wanted to reject them. But this was what he had been instructed to do, to grow stronger and protect. To claim souls and become a god such as Sostine had never seen. A monotheist city.

    “Come, there is danger in the north.”

    “There’s no storm.”

    “Another god.”

    “Klajonas,” Father said. “Are you feeling her tug?”

    “Is she a wolf?”

    “A wayward daughter.”

    “Then she isn’t the trouble, Father. Come, I am teaching you to hunt.”

    Father heard a distant braying and followed Krao, this strange agent from another world.

    1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Oooooh heck! I had suspicions before about this, but they are finally (maybe) confirmed! So Father is Padas, presumably a fairly long (but maybe not *too* long) time into the future. His spirit became a god, or at least the larval stage of a god, and it seems like his daughter (perhaps all of his children?) has ascended to godhood too.

      I remember the story this leads to as well, the hunting of the wolf spirit/god. That one stuck well in my mind before, and now with new context it becomes even more interesting! I don’t think I have quite seen this progression in a storyline before, where an explicitly human set of characters all become gods or suchlike – but that isn’t the endpoint of their stories, not even close in fact. I really, like the idea of this small story about a family at the end of the world, taking on a almost cosmic scale as it progresses further and further into the timeline, with new rules and elements that they as mortals could have never known.

      Overall, a really cool story this week Rvmple, especially with the context of previous stories to back it up! <3

    2. I, with the memory capacity of a concussed whelk, do not recall the context -_-

      I do find it unnerving that, even though Krao is corrected about the status of Klajonas, he still wants to hunt her. It’s a bit… odd. A wayward daughter should be helped to find a better path, but that’s merely my philosophy.

      I do like the term quasimortal. Aside from riffing on Doctor Evil, it evokes the idea that maybe they can sidestep death. Quasi-mortal, or even quasi-immortal. It’s a good word. I shall try not to steal it until I know fully what it is

    3. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Man, I totally did not realize that Father was Padas until I read Calliope’s review. Though I did recognize the city name.

      I was gonna say something about “man, everybody rags on Father for being weak” but I guess this is just the same guy as the Wolf story? And it makes a lot more sense that he’d be a weak god if he’s Padas.
      I am extremely nervous for what he’ll have to do to become not-weak though. And more importantly, what that’ll do to his kind spirit.
      I’m very unsure about his desire for this to become a monotheist city…who he’ll have to eat for this to become true. Or perhaps who he’s already eaten. I can’t tell whether that wish of his is one of dark or light.

      It is interesting that he’s called Father as a god. That that’s what he perhaps most liked to be as a human. And it’s interesting it becomes his identity, when Vienas didn’t want to be called mother.
      I wonder if the people in Sostine now really are his descendants.
      I’m very very concerned at the fact that Vienas is not here though.

      I especially liked the dialogue in this.

      “Another god.”
      “Klajonas,” Father said. “Are you feeling her tug?”
      “Is she a wolf?”
      “A wayward daughter.”
      —*Well I’m certainly feeling her tug that’s for sure.*
      Especially after reading the other one, I liked what CM Weller said, I think wayward daughters ought be guided on a better path.

      And I’m also curious and confused about the nature of this “quasimortal.”
      I’m curious is to why you called him a man. I’d think a quasimortal would be more than that, especially if he’s teaching a god…

      “Father was surprised by the normalcy of man’s soul.”
      Was my favorite line in this. It was a nice little detail.

    4. MysteryElement Avatar
      MysteryElement

      This is a really interesting take on the prompt. I enjoy the idea of the afterlife being the mortal’s chosen plane to avoid dying, and the term quasimortal piques my interest. I will admit, the narrative confused me at first, thinking the narration was from a child of Father, since there was no introspective pov from him until it is almost over, but once I got it I was able to retrace my steps and better understand it. Your into was very good, elaborating on a piece of the world that pulls you further into the story, gave me some Pratchett vibes.

  14. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    The Next Step Of A Long Path (Corespace Universe)
    By Calliope Rannis

    A rush of light. A distant song. And Nebella had arrived.

    She was in the grove again, with its rainbow of flowers, the hum of insects, and the beautiful blue spring at the centre. She’d been here many times before, both here and in ‘real life’ – though the latter had never been the same since the spring became polluted. But in the Better World, the grove never changed, never faded, never died. Just like it was in her childhood.

    In some ways, Nebella was disappointed that everything felt the same. But it also comforted her. The World that she had grown to love hadn’t changed. The only difference was that she could stay here now. No need to leave.

    “Nebbie!” A bright voice called.

    She looked up to see the familiar figure of her redheaded friend running through the spring towards her, sending gleaming water drops flying. Nebella managed to stand up, just in time to be nearly toppled over in a massive hug. She hugged her back, almost as tightly.

    “Nebbie…” her friend’s muffled voice repeated, head buried into her shoulder.

    Nebella’s hand ran through those ginger locks, marvelling at how soft they felt. “Dustie.” She softly replied.

    They embraced for a long moment, before coming apart a little to look each other in the eyes, their hands still holding each other’s arms.

    “So, you’re here for good now?” Dustie asked.

    “For good.” Nebella warmly smiled.

    Dustie smiled in turn, her eyes moist and shining. “Did you tell anyone? That you had decided, I mean.”

    “I told my family. They took it…well enough. I think they already knew this was coming.”

    “That was brave. I wish I had told mine before I left. Told you, for that matter.”

    Nebella gently squeezed her arms. “I forgave you a long time ago.”

    Dustie’s smile widened. “I know.”

    A pause, before the new arrival turned to look beyond the grove. “So. How do I travel around here? Never had to do that by myself before.”

    Dustie took her hand in hers, face beaming. “I can show you. Just follow my lead!”

    1. ::Starts singing:: Heaven… I’m in heaven…

      Meeting in the better realm is a wonderful thought for the afterworlds. Not a lot about how to do things here. Just the meeting and what it’s like. Not what I’d call a guide but… the prompt is just a springboard for our imaginations after all.

    2. tryman159 Avatar
      tryman159

      Its a good story, that flows well, the characters are charming and the atmosphere feel almost inviting. But as I read it, I found one problem. Is she dead? The text is vague as to what has happen and where she is. The character does name it but it remain so vague that if the prompt hasn’t being beginer’s guide to the afterlife I would not have seen it as being dead but simply having left for another dimension or being linked to a VR.

      Overall its a nice and cute story but I’d rework on the vagueness aspect of the story.

      1. chronicDreamer Avatar
        chronicDreamer

        I honestly dont think it should be reworked. The nature of the peice is to capture a moment and that moment was conveyed really well emotionally. While in a larger narrative it might be benifitial to explore more of the specifics of the setting for this micro fiction to spend anymore words explaining everything would have undermined the quality of the peice.

    3. chronichDreamer Avatar
      chronichDreamer

      Not going to lie, I am completely unfamiliar with the Core Space universe. My first impression was when the end came made me think of deciding to die, but all the imagery up to the point gave a far happier impression. What ever the next step was, despite its surface level comparison to death, it is not an exact one for one, so the decision to more forward makes me think more like beginning a journey to enlightenment, when you have to give up one material pleasures. This is still not n exact comparison, but it is much better then the one about death. The implications became vary messy otherwise. The best word I can think of this is ascending. While you are moving forward it is a choice that levees those who do not make it behind but I am sure it becomes much easier when you have someone who cares for you on the other side like Nebella has.
      It was a vary sweet emotion filled story, and despite me not fully grasping the setting, the feeling behind it came threw perfectly.

    4. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      Tag!

      I like this piece. It’s quiet and soulful, if uncanny. It’s sort of like The Matrix. It’s got an interesting analogue to becoming publicly queer and I think that might be a few aspect to consider for future pieces.

    5. First of all, I love this piece. It’s beautiful. You have a knack for capturing heartfelt moments. You manage to catch a lot of the senses with your storytelling. Sight, touch, and hearing are all present. The only ones I’m not finding specifically mentioned are smell and taste, which can easily be supplied by the reader (most of us have smelled flowers, for example). You don’t need all the senses and you did wonderfully with the ones you did include.
      Now for some grit: Did Nebella commit suicide in order to stay in this world? There are bits a pieces throughout the story that could be construed that way. Am I reading into this too deeply? I sometimes read too deeply into things.
      Overall, this is a beautiful piece, Calliope!

      1. chronicDreamer Avatar
        chronicDreamer

        I think it is a type of ascension in a sense where it can be an analogue for death but not a one for one, more like moving on from one life to another where you leave behind those who have not made the decision to move forward. The set up does not seem to support the themes of suicide, at least portrayed in healthy way. More metamorphosis then death is my opinion.

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