Tale Foundry

Writing Group: Dreamscape (PRIVATE)

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by

thetalefoundry
in , ,

Hello, Sweet Dreamers and Nightmare Bringers!

Am I dreaming? Am I still awake? I can’t tell… this is unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. There’s no way I’m awake… is there? No one is going to believe this place, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Dreamscape

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

Dreams. Places of fantastical stories and unbelievable events. You never know what could happen, for there isn’t always a plotline to the dreams we have. But this is more than just what goes on within our minds.

A dreamscape is a landscape or scene with the strangeness or mystery that dreams often have. Places that may or may not actually be real. Say, for example, you venture to a far off land you’ve never visited before. Sure, you’ve seen photos and heard stories, but to lay your very own eyes upon it yourself is nothing short of wonderful. From endless flowery fields, to waters filled with glowing algae, to the highest peaks in the world overlooking the rest of this beautiful planet. These scenes are certainly breathtaking, and one might even describe them as something from a dream. Maybe you’ve moved to a new town, and upon wandering, you find the most serene, secluded little spring amidst the crowd of trees behind your new home. The waters glisten, the grass is a blue-green, it’s simply beautiful… just like it was when you dreamt of exactly this scene so long ago.

One thing to remember, though; not all dreams are pleasant. Maybe the landscape you come across is some old, ancient battlefield left to time. Armor, weapons, and skeletons are sprinkled across the dark, shifting sands. Perhaps some broken architecture protrudes from the dunes like crumbling claws grasping for the clouds above. Maybe the land before you is vast, rolling hills… charred black and still smoldering from the forest fire that had just passed, leaving the once lush valley scorched to ashes at your feet. 

Beauty, light, serenity… 

Repellency, darkness, desolation…

Only a few of the valid words to describe a world that blurs the line between dreams and reality. Now, venture forth, and paint with colours unknown a land that no one sees like you do.

—Shawna

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Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least four stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and two of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
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    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Use two paragraph breaks between each paragraph so that they have a proper space between them (press “enter” or “return” twice).
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  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new; no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).

  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
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    5. Be constructive and uplifting. These submissions are not for a professional market, and shouldn’t be treated as such. We do this, first and foremost, for the joy of the craft. Help other writers to feel like their work is valuable, and be considerate and gentle with critique when you offer it. Authors who leave particularly abrasive or disheartening remarks on this post will be disqualified from selection for readings.
    6. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    7. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
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Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.

Comments

54 responses to “Writing Group: Dreamscape (PRIVATE)”

  1. Insania404 Avatar
    Insania404

    Recurring Themes (Oneiron Universe)
    By: Insania404

    I felt no impact, but the jolt was painful nonetheless, like the atoms in my body ripping apart with the flick of a switch. My eyelids slid open mechanically, controlled by something other than my mind. Deep purple ribbons of color flooded into my eyes indicating that the day had withered and night was fast approaching. I had to get home.

    Slowly I stood up, peering over the edge of the river bank into the black ink flowing below. I opted to go around. My steps were slow and laborious as they fought against the incredible desire to remain motionless. Eventually, the opposing force relented, and I was free to move as I wished.

    I reached the other side of the river by the time the sun had released its final breaths. I quickened my pace. I had to get home. The sky exploded with a pale radiance and I found myself transfixed by twin lights in the darkness. They moved closer to me with every second, but I had to remind myself it was only an illusion.

    These lights couldn’t hurt me.

    I kept my head down and forced myself to carry on. I came to a small building and opened the door. The usual terrifyingly distorted smile greeted me.

    “Good evening, Andrew! I’m glad you stopped in. I was just working on yet another one of my unique contraptions. I hope you like it! It’s over there in the corner.”

    It pointed one of its fifteen hands to a small machine collecting dust in the corner. As I approached, the machine whirred to life, spitting out white text on a small black display:

    Oneiron Technologies Ltd.

    CiRFiS v4.60 Beta

    Running cirEnvTest

    Subject: Andrew Pulchant

    Vitals: Slightly Elevated

    Current Heart Rate: 135bpm

    Cognitive Function: High

    Motor Function: N/A

    Warning: SYSTEM OVERLOADED

    Running Diagnostics

    ERROR: DREAMER INTERFACE IS CORRUPT

    REBOOTING…

    REBOOTING…

    I felt no impact, but the jolt was painful nonetheless, like the atoms in my body ripping apart with the flick of a switch.

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Insania! Welcome back! I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed your presence and your writing!

      I really do enjoy your temporal loop stories. I love the little hints you give in the beginning that all is not as it seems.

      ~My eyelids slid open mechanically, controlled by something other than my mind.~ This line in particular tips off the reader that something is not quite right.

      I am quite curious as to how Andrew seems to be withstanding all of this if he is touched by the madness. It makes me think that the being wants something more from him than it wants from the others that have been ensnared. Or perhaps, Andrew is a bit more difficult to subdue than the others? Repeatedly putting someone through an arduous and intense mind conditioning is bound to eventually start having effects, though.

      It’s interesting the relationship that this entity and Andrew seem to have. The entity seems to find Andrew fascinating, while Andrew just kind of goes through the motions with a sort of tired resignation. There is still so much mystery surrounding this and these individuals.

      I absolutely adore what you do with the imagery and sensory details here. Some of my favorite lines are:

      Slowly I stood up, peering over the edge of the river bank into the black ink flowing below. (I really love this imagery because it makes the water seem like black sludge. Something inescapable once it gets its hooks into you.)

      I reached the other side of the river by the time the sun had released its final breaths. (This makes it appear as though the sun is dying. It can symbolize a lot of light, and therefore, a loss of hope or even sight. Very reminiscent of how Insanity can warp the mind.)

      The sky exploded with a pale radiance and I found myself transfixed by twin lights in the darkness. (I can vividly see this happening. Lights can often transfix a person, but it can also blind that person to a greater truth/reality. Falsehood, perhaps?)

      I love that the title is a hint in and of itself as to what will happen in the story. I love the ending line also being the beginning line. It is a great punch and it gives greater resonance and context to the story as a whole. As always, you leave me wanting more. I am excited to see what you share next, however, please take your time in doing so as needed. Again, it’s really great to see you writing back in the group. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this.

      Reply
      1. L. L. Marco Avatar
        L. L. Marco

        0h n0, trapped in a dream time l00p! Y0u hate t0 see it.

        I really enj0yed h0w little y0u used t0 describe the being; y0u gave me just en0ugh t0 kn0w that it was unsettling with0ut weighing d0wn my 0wn imaginati0n; it kept it surreal and sp00ky!

        The use 0f the message 0n the r0b0t was clever, and it ran by s0 quickly that it built up that stage 0f c0nfusi0n and fear that I assume Andrew was pr0bably feeling as well.

        My 0nly critique w0uld be that it felt a bit t00 descriptive in the beginning paragraphs. T00 many adjectives sludged d0wn the pace, in my 0pini0n, th0ugh y0u may have d0ne that t0 give the feeling 0f c0nfusi0n and Andrew sl0wly adjusting t0 the w0rld ar0und him.

        Even s0, a fun read all t0gether! G00d j0b <3

        Reply
  2. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    Caught in Dreams
    By Jesse Fisher

    The infinite hallway of dreams were, the words lost on the little creature that raced the twisting hallway. Huffing came from the draconic muzzle as it ran from what it could not see. The slapping clicks of it’s padded clawed feet against the floor? They could not feel what it stood on, the something just out of the corner of their eye.

    “Boo!” A nasty looking nightmare appeared before the draconic creature. “We’re every you see.”

    “Look out, we might be real!” A group of them began to form around the young one. “This time we got you caught up in a dream.”

    The young draconic began to just shake as the world began to spin as the dark melodic tone filled it’s ears. Curled up into a ball as they tried to, it began to cry for it’s mother as the nightmares laugh at their victim. They knew that nothing could save inexperienced dream walkers, as they were between dreams and only they could see them. This is how they hunted and the reason beings feared dying in their sleep.

    No one was coming for this young one, no one.

    RUMBLE

    RUMBLE

    The vibration was a surprise as that should not happen with inexperience such as the victim.

    ROAR

    That sound…no SHE could not know of this. They avoided her for a reason, the rage was something to fear.

    “WHO IS THE DEAD NIGHTMARES THAT FRIGHTEN MY BABY?!?!”

    They saw her, and their fear was clear. The giant dragon appeared in the ‘sky’ with piercing white eyes. Some of the newer ones thought this was nothing and tried to grow to match the dragon. The elders took this moment to just leave as they knew how this would end.

    The young draconic just cried, hugging themselves. They felt their mother’s touch, instantly wrapping around them as much as they could.

    “Shh, It’s alright Cyan you are safe in mom’s arms.”

    Reply
    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Jesse, this piece is very adorable. Baby dragon gets in way over their head, the darkness and fears attacking them, only for the mother dragon to step in and protect the little one. Very heartwarming. There are a few grammatical things that make it difficult to follow the story at times, but they don’t prevent it from being enjoyable. Overall, Jesse, very fun piece. Great job!

      Reply
  3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “Training Day”
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane

    Tobias watched as his young charge looked around in wonder. Vermillion tapestries hung from rust brick walls depicting an eagle carrying the sun and moon in its talons. Towering arches with windows soared as scarlet light shone down. The chamber echoed as the young girl’s moccasins padded across something like stone.

    “Yeilsee!” Tobias barked.

    The girl gasped in surprise and snapped to attention. “Master Galzer.”

    Tobias suppressed a chuckle. Yeilsee’s excitement reminded him of his own not five years ago. But now was not the time to reminisce.

    “Listen. This is your first expedition into the Realms of Night. If you have any questions, ask them now. As soon as we leave this chamber, the world around us will become unpredictable.”

    Yeilsee thought for a moment. “We’re here to kill a demon, right?”

    Tobias nodded. “Correct.”

    “Then why didn’t we bring weapons?”

    Tobias nodded before walking over to the velvet-lined redwood chair that appeared from thin air. Tobias sat down in the chair.

    “Tell me, Yeilsee. What do you see?”

    Yeilsee furrowed her brow. “I see a chair.”

    “Wrong. This is a table.”

    “Wait, wha—” Yeilsee blinked. He was right. Tobias sat on a redwood table with scarlet candles of vermilion flame.

    “I imagine you’re confused.” Tobias stood. “Remember, dreams are of…”

    Yeilsee paused before answering. “The subconscious?”

    Tobias nodded. “Right. The Realms of Night, dream made place, functions similarly. A knife can be a teacup. A hallway can be a hill. A flower can be a snake.”

    Yeilsee’s eyes lit up. “Our weapons may not be weapons!”

    “Exactly. That’s why we never enter the Realms with a weapon.”

    “Wait. So, we have to take on demons without weapons? That’s dangerous!”

    “Not necessarily.” Tobias looked around the table until he found a bowl. “Watch.”

    With a toss, Tobias hurled the dish at a wooden pillar. With a thunk, the edge of the bowl lodged itself deep.

    “Interobjects,” Tobias said tersely, “They’re items unique to the Realms of Night. Two different things at the same time. For example, that’s a bowl AND a hatchet.”

    Yeilsee nodded, wide-eyed. “So… where’s this demon?”

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Hooray for more Tobias! Also really love the different shades of red depicted. I very much like seeing Tobias in a teaching role. He does it with ease and quite good at it. I like seeing his patient side. The demonstrations are also great. I also love the fun ways the Realms of night are explained to work.

      Yeilsee is excited, as a young apprentice undertaking an enormous task usually is. She listens well and is pretty eager. I would love to see more of her.

      Great take on the prompt, Wolf. Never disappointed to see your stories, especially not from this universe. Can’t wait to see what you write next. Thank you for writing and sharing this.

      Reply
    2. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      Oh the fun of dream logic, what is there is not. I also find it interesting that the master is only five years ahead of his apprentice, but I can guess time flow is like dreams and that can be weeks in hours of the waking world. I also want to see the hunt and how they use these rules.

      Reply
    3. L. L. Marco Avatar
      L. L. Marco

      I l0ve h0w patient T0bias is with teaching what is essentially Alice in W0nderland l0gic t0 s0me0ne, quite a hard task. Its playful but very seri0us since they’re g0ing t0 be d0ing s0mething danger0us very s00n but the way he’s written makes me feel c0nfident they’ll b0th be safe!

      The descripti0ns thr0ugh0ut were really well d0ne. I was w0rried at first that it may be t00 heavy with details but as the piece went 0n it seemed like it was just the right am0unt t0 set the scene 0f what was, at its c0re, an ever-changing dream demensi0n.

      The last line 0f the piece d0es leave me w0ndering… if anything can be s0mething else, then is the dem0n hiding in plane sight? I enj0y getting left with s0mething t0 chew 0n at the end 0f a piece <3

      Great w0rk!

      Reply
  4. L. L. Marco Avatar
    L. L. Marco

    World’s End
    By L. L. Marco

    Juny hasn’t been here for weeks. I’ve been searching, sticking my ‘feelers’ out into the Aether to see if I could feel her or she would let me into her Dreamscape, but night after night I’ve found nothing. I can’t help but worry… The last time I saw her, something was wrong. She’d started crying and hugged me so tight. Then she vanished.

    I can’t stop thinking about that hug.

    My bed feels unfamiliar as I lay in it. My eyes close, sleep overtakes me, and moments later I awake in my Dreamscape. Like every night, I search for Juny in the Aether. Like every night, I feel nothing.

    “C’mon Juny, I know you’re there.”

    I keep searching.

    Nothing. More nothing….

    And then suddenly everything. It feels like I’m buried in thick sludge; drowning but there was never any air. My lungs feel utterly empty but I keep pushing forward, slowly, stubbornly…

    Pop!

    I burst through, tumbling into Juny’s dreamscape. She simply stares.

    “H-How did you…”

    Juny doesn’t finish her sentence. Her skin is sickly pale and bruised. She’s crying.

    “What happened–”

    “Go away!!”

    She grabs me with trembling hands and tries to push me out. I steady myself. She isn’t strong enough to move me. My heart jumps at the idea. This is HER Dreamscape. HER mind. Why can’t she move me?

    I look at her and then to the space around us. It’s so small. So empty. No bigger than a bedroom, and even then the edges flicker in and out like static.

    It was dying…

    SHE was dying.

    “You have to leave,” she sobbed. “T-this place is collapsing a-and if you…”

    I wrap my arms tightly around her.

    “Please-”

    “I’m not leaving you.” I smile.

    The room closes in around us until there’s little more than the flicker of floor just beneath our feet. Soon even that is gone. All that’s holding us here is the last remaining moments of her life. Our bodies fade until all that’s left is my heart against hers. Our tears intermingle. In our last moments I feel them fall into the Aether.

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      It’s great to see your stories again, Marco. However, this one is incredibly heartbreaking and gut wrenching. It’s got a great flow, and I can FEEL the main character’s growing desperation and frantic fearfulness as they search for their friend.

      This story could have easily had a happy, feel-good ending, but it’s devastating instead. I didn’t understand Juny’s suicidal nature initially, but I see it now. Especially in how Juny attempts to spare her friend by trying to push the friend out of the disappearing dreamscape.

      The friend, stubbornly, refuses to leave Juny and is swallowed by the dreamscape as well. That is a love and deep friendship not expressed very often. It can also be read as codependency, but I prefer the first theory. Their dreamland became a hell scape that they couldn’t leave. Beautiful raw emotions. Brava. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this.

      Reply
    2. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      I would make a greek tragedy joke but man that gut punch was too much. Juny hiding away with the narrator is looking for her, a nice standard beat that adds with the ending. It is almost the full realization of that saying, “I will hold you until the end.”

      Reply
    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      While I’m confused about what just happened, I do like the ideas you explore here. It reminds me of oneironautics or oneiromancy the way dreams can connect. I like that aspect.

      My main concern is the connection at the end. I inferred that in this system the people dreaming must both be willing in order for dreams to connect. However, the focal character bursts through. It feels like this should be mirrored in the physical world if you choose to expand this.

      Other than that, again, I think the concept is solid. My only problem is I want more as well as waking world implications.

      Reply
  5. C. M. Weller Avatar
    C. M. Weller

    Perchance to Dream (A Tiefling Tale)
    C. M. Weller

    Kosh wasn’t aware of when he made the mistake of falling asleep. This may remind him why it WAS such a mistake. Or he may believe he deserved the torture.

    He was running. The kind of slow running that gets nowhere and drifts through the air but is still the fastest he could run. Kosh couldn’t tell where he was running towards or what he was running from. He barely had an idea of where he was running at all.

    In one moment, it was the winding paths of the Dojo. Then, the halls of the castle of his childhood. In another, the winding ways of Waterdeep. In another blink, he was watching Master Bai fall from the high poles in their duel.

    This time, the Master splashed in a fountain of blood.

    He was standing in the court, looking up at the Earl his father on the Blood Throne. In its crimson glare, his father was a sneering expression in deep shadow. A breeze made itself known to him and Kosh realised he was naked. Under the gaze of the Earl, his Barons, and all their Knights.

    “Turn around, devilspawn,” sneered Earl Valiant.

    He turned, no matter how much he wanted to resist it.

    She wore white from head to toe. No details visible under veils, lace, and fine satin.

    She’s dead. He said she’s dead…

    Nevertheless, his bride still had breath to scream. She ran as she always had. Satin skirts, veils, and petticoats floating around her.

    “Catch her, you fool,” snarled his father, “or be alone forever!”

    He ran, chasing after her through a maze of passages. Into the Plane of Torment itself.

    Where his great-great-something grandfather sealed him away in chains. On the coldest peak of the mountains. Face to face with the old Warlock who started it all. Forced to make the Keep and the bargain that had doomed him.

    Kosh startled awake to the greys of the night. Alone. Someone had carried him to a bed. He would have to remind the staff to ensure he meditated. He could not rest any other way.

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      My blood boils at the way poor Kosh is treated! Earl Valiant he is NOT! I understand that this is a dream, but Kosh’s fears and insecurities are valid. Poor baby doesn’t want to end up alone. His nakedness, I think, symbolizes his vulnerability and a lack of protection, especially in regards to his father.

      I also feel that the veiled woman represents a dream or an image his father is projecting for Kosh to follow. Striking down the nail that sticks up and molding Kosh into who Valiant demands he be.

      With nightmares like those, I don’t blame Kosh for not wanting to fall asleep. Poor thing. I just want to hug him. Also, excellent use of red, Inter. I wonder how much blood Valiant has shed to get that finish. Looking forward to more. Thank you for writing and sharing this.

      Reply
      1. C. M. Weller Avatar
        C. M. Weller

        When you’re the only Tiefling inside of ten(ish) generations and also the heir to the realm, there’s CONSEQUENCES. Especially when your father’s prejudiced.

        Yeah, he’s had dreams where he’s naked in court/front of the Blood Throne/etc for a LONG time. He does feel very vulnerable in regards to his father. Not that you could drag that out of him with wild horses…

        The lady in the white dress is his fear of the arranged marriage. Meeting her at the wedding altar and having her scream at a monster. That one’s been there for a while, too. He never sees her face because he doesn’t know a damn thing about her. Poor sod.

        I’ve described Kosh as “a flock of hangups in a trenchcoat” and – yeah – this shows it.

        Reply
  6. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
    RVMPLSTLTSKN

    All That Seems
    By RVMPLSTLTSKN (The Saga of The Deep One’s Wake)

    In a place where gravity has a rainbow and cities float, a nation of sailing ships above and flying insects below, a world of disjointed perceptions and alien ideas, a reality of unshattered selves and wanderlusting souls, Father stood still.

    He hear all within this little web of fates and ambitions, of longing and promises; everything was prayed for: protection, health, wisdom, wealth. Father was, perhaps, the least among his fellows.

    In their celestial mantle, Mother Fate whispered events to him, but never endings. Charn stood like a servant, His mask a promise of endings. The Warlord stretched xir influence while the Usurper smiled cruelly at the stars. And the Wanderer, she was never quite present. Always a little away from the others.

    Father looked at her in particular. She was only here because of him, in more ways than the obvious.

    She caught him staring. “What is it, Father?”

    “We are forgetting something.”

    “Can gods forget?” Usurper asked.

    “I can,” Father said. None doubted his entendre.

    “The prayer for a new god is forming,” the Warlord said.

    “For home?” The Wanderer said, “My sister is dead.”

    The Warlord, without hope, answered, “No, for something else. There is a balance upset. A binary. We have Mother and Father, Daughter and Priests, but no son. No reason. We need a learned member.”

    “I am a learned member,” Usurper said.

    Father ignored them, knowing the dread secrets Mother Fate whispered to him. There would be no others when it matter and, what’s more, there would be only him to protect them all.

    He reached out to feel the prayers and supplications, sacrimonies and testaments, and he stretched the meanings of their words, adding Himself, his own identity. Father, Home, Family. He felt the Wanderer’s tug too in this act of magic. Where he created structure, she syphoned the outliers and rebels, the lost and wandering souls, damned to lack what they needed by Mother Fate. There was a balance to this dream, to the weaving of divine conspiracies and human lifes.

    Reply
    1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      WHOA
      This is so?? Freaking?? Cool??!!
      That first paragraph hit me like a truck AND THEN IT JUST KEPT GOING XD Like you never lost the poetic, ethereal, intriguingness of the piece the entire way through.
      I don’t think I’ll be able to properly describe all the stuff I like about this—nor do I fully understand it XD—but I’ll do my best.

      As I said, that first paragraph almost feels like a punch XD There’s so much going on, so much to imagine, and then at the end I feel like I have to come to a screeching halt, waving my arms to keep my balance—which is exactly the point. What an image—in this world where there’s so much going on and nothings quite what it seems, Father is the one who stands still, a single solid thing to hold on to. Perfect introduction.

      “everything was prayed for: protection, health, wisdom, wealth.”
      —I like this phrasing/idea.

      “Mother Fate whispered events to him, but never endings.”
      —this is such a cool idea. I love the thought of fate knowing all the events that will happen, but the endings still being unwritten.
      I really like the descriptions of all the gods too. Feel wonderfully mythological.

      “She was only here because of him, in more ways than the obvious.”
      —hmmm 👀

      “Can gods forget?” Usurper asked.
      “I can,” Father said. None doubted his entendre”
      —I like this. I also like that they know him well enough not to doubt. I’m not sure how it’s an entendre though.

      “I am a learned member,” Usurper said.”
      —sfkbjdhcvj. I feel like I could really like or really dislike the usurper. I’m curious to learn more about him. Regardless this felt kinda comedic and I liked it.

      “and he stretched the meanings of their words, adding Himself, his own identity.”
      —what an awesome, very godlike image!!

      I really liked this one!!

      Reply
    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Beautiful opening, Drake. There’s a lot happening here, and most of it is wrapped in mystery. So, a council of gods, watching over the world but largely trying to keep themselves rooted. Mother Fate is a soothsayer, impartial and neutral, guiding Father in his actions. Father creates and judges (if I’ve got that correct), but he also wants to give a deeper purpose.

      Wanderer seems like a protector of the outcasts and loners. It would explain why she doesn’t feel comfortable around the other gods. She depends upon Father more than the others (at least that’s what I got).

      Warlord is the fighter, the warrior. He gives the will to battle. He appears fair enough, although I’d love to see more of him.

      Usurper gives off vain and fickle vibes. He seems to be the most to revel in his godhood, if only for cruelty’s sake. Definitely an interesting character.

      Charn is silent justice. He awaits his orders and carries them out with efficient neutrality.

      I don’t how much of this assessment is accurate, but Father and Wanderer definitely seem to be the most sympathetic of the cast. Maybe because they’re given more character/development than the others.

      Critiques:

      He hear(d) all within this little web of fates and ambitions,

      There would be no others when it matter(ed) and, what’s more, there would be only him to protect them all.

      This is quite fascinating and feels like they’re a much larger world to explore. I also love the lore you’re setting up. It definitely has a dreamlike quality about it. I’m excited to see what comes next. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this.

      Reply
    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      I haven’t personally read many works that utilize the dream realm as a celestial realm as well. I know the Australian Aborigines have the Dreamtime, but I don’t think that’s the same. Regardless, I find it extremely interesting that the focal character in this story is a god that is very orderly. It draws you in very well. Nicely done.

      Reply
  7. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    The Endless Battles Of Peacetime (Corespace Universe)
    By Calliope Rannis

    The Core World of Vang hasn’t needed to activate its self-defence forces in over a century. It was once a world upon the border of humanity, the wilder unknown hanging before it like a great maw in the darkness. But in the decades upon decades since, humanity had explored much further, and now Vang was nestled comfortably within the relative centre of a vast human coalition of territories.

    Still though, in the deep high-security recesses of the planet, there lay a dozen silver droneships. Each slumbered within secluded hangers, held in steel cradles that were ready to launch them straight into orbit at a moment’s notice.

    One might think this a boring existence, to sit in silence and isolation, waiting for a fight that may not arrive for decades.

    But for Sigrdrifa, 5th Valkyrie of Vang, nothing could be further from the truth.

    In her electric dreams, she flew from her hanger every day and night, ready to face whatever enemy her Queen had decided to test the prowess of her Drone Commanders with. Oh, and what variety there was! The ragged forces of a Pirate Conglomerate, the blunt iron bulwarks of a Shellskin Advance Troop, the crystalline sphere and vicious energy arcs of a Crystalwyrm Terraformer…even foes with no basis in known reality, such as great clouds of ravenous nanites, or tentacled monsters as large as moons. All for the sake of practice, of refinement, of victory in every possible scenario.

    These battles had escalated, over time. The fights grew more intense and dangerous with every passing year, as the confidence of the Valkyries improved, and the victories continued to shine. Sacrifices were made. People, buildings, even Sigrdrifa herself, when most needed – but when the battle was over, and the simulation reset, victory was always theirs. The enemy was destroyed, and their Queen remained alive and intact within the core of their wounded world.

    It was her greatest pride, to have never allowed Queen Freya to come to harm. Not even once, no matter the danger.

    Sigrdrifa dreams in her silent hanger, content never to see the sky.

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This one seems like you had a lot of fun writing it. You put a lot of heart and effort into the descriptions, even though I’m not particularly sure what any of those things are. Lol.

      Sigrdrifa is a very dedicated and loyal warrior leader. I appreciate that she would lay down her life for Queen Freya (whom I did not even realize was a queen!). Even in her dreams, she is battling and protecting. Definitely an indomitable spirit. I had Ride of the Valkyries playing throughout this whole thing while I was reading.

      I really love the descriptions and it’s wonderful to see the build-up to the end. Although, with it being a dream and her and her army always winning, I can’t help but think that this could very well be a case of reality versus expectation. Even though we haven’t seen the army in battle, you’ve built it up excellently as a very strong force. However, things very rarely go as we plan when other people and their wills and determination become involved. I am just hoping that Sigrdrifa doesn’t become too overconfident and can still keep her head, should a battle come about.

      I definitely love this story, Calliope. It is a very fun, interesting read. I hope to read more from Corespace. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this.

      Reply
    2. C. M. Weller Avatar
      C. M. Weller

      This is set in virtuality, right? Cryoslumber plus virtual dreams to keep the passengers occupied as they sleep. Or they’re locked away for a time of need.

      I have theorised that virtuality could be used to keep people from going outside or noticing what the real world is like. It seems to be working on Sigrdrifa.

      Maybe to the point of death? I’m worried about that “never to see the sky” thing

      Reply
    3. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      What a neat idea!! Man, every week lately you’ve taken the prompt in a cool and different direction!! It’s very cool!! Also fun to see more of Corespace!!

      It seems to me that Sigrdrifa is an AI of some sort. It’s very interesting to take the prompt and make it about an AI dreaming (don’t think I missed your reference with “electric dreams” either ;D).
      It also seems like this dreams aren’t just to keep the drones occupied, they’re to basically teach them how to fight, so that when a battle actually comes, they’re prepared. Which is fascinating. A dream with a purpose.

      I can’t help but wonder, once an actual battle started, if she and her fellow drones would feel super prepared, or if they’d end up wildly unprepared, finding the real thing was crueler than they imagined, or reality simply functioned differently.

      I love that first paragraph. That idea that at one point a world could be out on the edge of the known universe, where few dared visit, has now become the core of that universe. There’s something very poetic about that idea.

      Even though I know Freya essentially is Vang, when I heard “queen” I thought this was a character I hadn’t been introduced to. When I got to the end and realized it was Freya I felt all warm and fuzzy!!
      There also seems to be a bee image in there too, with the drones and the queen.

      Great job!!

      Reply
  8. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    Surrounded by Nothing
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    There was nothing there.

    There was nothing as far as the eyes could see. A barren wasteland, covered in darkness. There was nothing.

    And yet there was everything. Everything surrounded everything. There was everything in every direction.

    And it was painful.

    Everything sneered, sneered without a mouth. It sneered, screamed, and wailed, shrill and cold, threatening and weakening. The everything and the nothing screamed and sneered and wailed and hurt.

    There was no escape.

    Except there was. Waking up.

    But you couldn’t just wake up from this nightmare, could you? It was haunting, tormenting, and in the morning or evening or whenever you woke up, it was still there. You saw it whenever you blinked. You heard the wails in the wind and the traffic and the hustle of the world around you. You felt the pain and the weight of it whenever you tried to stand, whenever you tried to move.

    It messed with your mind, messed with your thoughts, messed with the passage of time and your attention and everything else. Messed with the everything and nothing and it hurt to breathe.

    There was no escape.

    But one day you decide to fight for one. One day you decide to face the nothing and the everything that hurts so, so much. You close your eyes and force yourself to move across the wasteland. Feel the sharp, stabbing grains of sand beneath your feet. It hurts. Your body falls over, but your mind keeps moving.

    There’s something there.

    It glows, a single light, all alone, and very far away.

    You have to reach it.

    You know what you have to do.

    You open your eyes. You stand up. You breathe, slowly and deeply.

    And you ask for help.

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is beautifully dark, Carrie. Existential yet grounded. It seems impossible to ask for help during the time when it’s too much. You’ve captured that heaviness incredibly well.

      A lot of people think that it’s shameful to ask for help. It makes you weaker as a person or less than for doing so. So some people stay in that misery and try to figure it out by themselves even though they’re so terribly lost. Little do they know, it can make you stronger and a better person. It also let you know that you’re not alone, and you don’t have to experience things on your own.

      I’m glad that this person has been able to find the light and ask for the help they need. Somber and uplifting. Brilliant job. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this.

      Reply
    2. C. M. Weller Avatar
      C. M. Weller

      I like this. The surrealism, the metaphors, and the end where the bravest act is asking for help. As Lunabear said, it’s an act of strength to ask for help.

      Comprehending infinity and nothing at the same time feels like a form of depression. Knowing the weight of all responsibilities as infinity, and all the things one can do about it as the void. I’ve been in that neighbourhood. Not fun.

      So glad the ‘you’ in this story started to get out of that neighbourhood.

      Reply
  9. Matthew(Handsome Johanson) Avatar
    Matthew(Handsome Johanson)

    The Dreams of a Traveler
    by Matthew (Handsome Johanson)

    It had been a long voyage, and my men were growing weary. By this point, we had sailed thousands of miles from sunny Massalia, encountering people only heard of through the whispered rumors of traders, discovering the source of tin in the north, and contacting people in lands once thought barren. Now, we sailed through the open ocean northward, Poseidon, Mercury, and Zeus being the only ones protecting us from certain death.

    A few days into our final push into the unknown, I was awoken from my slumber by an aid.

    “Pytheas, the men have discovered something. You should take a look.” Groggily, I arose from my bed and made my way to the deck. The men were huddled on one side, peering at something floating on the waves. I looked in that direction, and despite the early morning light, I could see it clearly. An island that was pure white. Upon further poking and prodding, we discovered that the island was actually a giant floating pile of ice. As astonished as we were, we had to continue our pace, so we moved on.

    The next day, we awoke to spotting an entire field of drift ice, sprawled out before us. It was at this point that we realized that we had reached the end of the world, and the end of the sea. It was then we turned back, heading back south into the relatively known.

    That night, as though the world hadn’t gone insane enough, we were greeted by a new surprise. Again, I was awoken from my sleep, but this time during the middle of the night.

    “Pytheas! Pytheas! The sky is alight!” This time I rushed out of my cabin. On the deck, the men were staring up in awe. The sky was indeed alight. Large bands of colors vibrated across the sky, shining in brilliant reds, greens and purples. Were we in a dream? Could this all be the fantasies of a sea-sick traveler? That night, the world proved ever stranger than anticipated.

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Hooray for Greek mythology! I also really love the title, Matty.

      The setting of the open sea is a beautiful one. Is the Aurora Borealis! I love that you wrote about the Aurora Borealis! Not only that, but you phrased it in such a way that made sense to The travelers. Everything in the story is incredibly vivid oh, and I’m so glad that you took your time with it.

      Critique:

      That night, the world proved every (ever?) stranger than anticipated.

      This is honestly the only critique I have. I love that this can be described as a dream because most people never get to see the Northern Lights. They definitely have a wonderful, dreamlike quality about them. And I know they induce feelings of otherworldliness and incomprehensible beauty.

      I also love that you combine the format of the Greek tales with an “end of the earth” sort of tale. It was a brilliant move! Always love that classic wholesomeness from you. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this.

      Reply
    2. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Matthew, I love this twist on the prompt. Explorers discovering the north pole and northern lights? A simple concept, but your execution makes it all magical and whimsical. I also really like the style and tone you used for Pytheas, so this whole piece feels like a ship’s log entry. Overall, Matthew, really cool piece. Great job!

      Reply
  10. Rattus Avatar
    Rattus

    Nowhere
    by Gerrit(Rattus)

    The blackness seemed to divide itself into little diamonds, tessellating into infinity. Within each one a pinprick of light sparkled, some fading while others shone brightly. He looked around, watching as lights blinked out and replaced themselves.

    “Each of these lights is a Path being walked.” The voice seemed to radiate from every direction, perfectly monotone and uniform. A figure appeared from among the lights, a figure neither masculine or feminine, clad in loose, grey robes.

    “Where am I?” The last thing Emrys remembered was searing pain, the metallic taste of blood in his mouth. He remembered her screaming, and then nothing.

    “You are Nowhere. You stand beyond life, beyond even death.”

    The silence in this realm was crushing. Emrys could hear nothing, not even the routine sounds of his own body. He pressed a hand to his chest, but no heartbeat reverberated against his ribs.

    “You are not alive. Nor are you dead. Not yet.”

    He should have been scared. He should have screamed, or run, or fought. He knew this. But of all the questions swarming his brain, only one crossed the threshold of his lips. “Is Serennia safe?”

    The being plucked a light out of thin air, one that shone brighter than any around it. “It is not her you should be worried about. Many Paths are right now crossing hers and reaching their end.”

    Emrys leaned in to look at the light, but the being closed its hand before he could get a glimpse. “To peer into people’s Paths is not a privilege of mortals. But you will soon be walking it alongside her once again.”

    “But how? I died, didn’t I?” The being gently tossed Serennia’s light in the air, and Emrys watched as it blended in among its kin.

    “You would have. But I have bigger plans for you.”

    Reply
    1. GhostDog_Daniel Avatar
      GhostDog_Daniel

      Ooooh, that’s so cool, I’m really invested in this story. You have such a way with words here, I couldn’t stop getting goosebumps every other sentence. Really well done. I’m curious as to this is something new, something you have had planned for a long time, or if this actually has more to it. If it does I would love to read it!

      Reply
    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is a very fascinating way to describe limbo, Rattus! Or at least, I’m assuming it’s limbo. I really love the descriptions in the story. One of my favorite ones is of the figure. It’s really great how you leave the identity of the figure so ambiguous, not even discerning its gender.

      So this is a continuation of last week’s story? I’m really glad you give us a different perspective from this world. You do a great job of building up mystery and suspense and tension. I love that this is a dream-like state. This very much has a Greek or Roman mythological feel to it.

      Emrys gives off a protective vibe. It’s so sweet that his first question is whether or not Serennia is safe. I appreciate the brief exploration that he has when trying to touch his chest. It’s small details like those that can really carry a story.

      I am incredibly excited to see what plans this being has for Emrys, and in what form he will return to the mortal plane. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this.

      Reply
    3. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      First of all, I gotta say, I was rather shocked when I first started reading because this is *incredibly* similar to the time dimension in my universe! XD You know what they say about great minds…

      I’m not super familiar with your universe yet, or if you’re writing for multiple at the same time, but the last line makes me wonder, is this the “god” being you were telling me about?

      The visual in that first paragraph is very stark, and very beautiful!! I love it. I was already super intrigued and then layering in the idea that they are people–or at least the paths people walk–adds a lot of depth and intrigue.

      Your scene setting was great in other ways too. I love the description of the being. And then the description of what Emrys remembers was really perfect. You don’t overexplain what went before and his motives and I think it worked super well. And then that silence image is just…chefs kiss.

      Then you have the classic, and beautiful image of someone in love–or simply who cares deeply for someone–he should have a million things to say and do, but the only thing that matters is her.

      “The being plucked a light out of thin air, one that shone brighter than any around it. “It is not her you should be worried about. Many Paths are right now crossing hers and reaching their end.”
      –Having heard your story for critique group the other day, I can’t help but chuckle to myself at this line, thinking that she’s totally kicking butt down there XD

      “You would have. But I have bigger plans for you.”
      –What a great way to end it. This could be wonderfully heartfelt, the knowledge that a higher power has a bigger plan for you, but I can’t help but think the being is smirking as they say this, as if having fun playing with their toys. (And what makes me wonder if they’re the “god” you were telling me about before).

      Great job!!

      Reply
  11. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    Awakening
    by Lunabear (Please don’t read on stream) (CW: face melting)

    Gray clouds drooped high above. Potholes waited to receive the impending rain.

    Thurston walked to school with Chip and Colleen. His favorite duo gossiped amicably while he half listened.

    “Markel did NOT hate that gift!” Colleen shrieked with a smile.

    “Did, too,” Chip chuckled. “Bryan Limpkin said.”

    A familiar sensation prickled down Thurston’s neck and spine. It had followed him. Again.

    ‘What does it want?’

    Thurston looked back, but regretted it. This…thing was black, its form somewhere between smoke, shadow, and mist. Its edges rotated like gears.

    Chip’s voice pulled him back. “…right, Thurst?”

    “Mmhhm,” Thurston grunted, glancing briefly at his friends. When he tried to spot the figure again, it was gone.

    “What?! That chicken founded the ENDEAVOR of poker rice!” Colleen huffed indignantly.

    “I–huh?” Thurston stared wide eyed at her.

    She spoke again, but gibberish came out. It was the same with Chip.

    “Guys–”

    The thunder interrupted, and the heavens unleashed a burning deluge. Thurston shielded himself with his hood and arms, but his friends weren’t so lucky.

    Colleen’s face became a draining whirlpool until only a black hole remained.

    Chip’s face dripped down like melting wax, leaving muscle and bone exposed. His eyes blinked within their sockets.

    Thurston gasped and bolted from the horrific scene. His heart pounded in his ears. He didn’t know where he was headed, but he’d think about that later.

    Everything around him enlarged, and the ground turned slick. Thurston slipped and slid beneath an elevated bridge. Rain and sweat sluiced down his body in rivulets.

    He worked to slow his heart, but his mind couldn’t be calmed.

    ‘What’s happening?! Where’s that thing??’

    Thurston peeked from the safety of the bridge, but he was met with only darkness. The thing was enormous now and blocked out everything else.

    What felt like strips of cloth wriggled beneath his clothing and seared his skin.

    ‘STOP!’

    Thurston leapt straight out of bed, his sweaty, bare back against his cool door. His blood rushed through his veins.

    Still feeling the scorch, he looked in horror as a single word was etched into his right forearm: PREPARE.

    Reply
    1. Rattus Avatar
      Rattus

      This was so good! The tension built up really well, and it was so full of twists and turns that I didn’t see coming. You did a good job of setting the atmosphere and the tone, to the point that I felt just about as scared as he probably was.

      I’m very curious to know more about what this thing is that’s stalking him, whether it’s a physical creature or something else, and what it wants with him.

      Reply
      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so much for the review and feedback! I’m glad Thurston’s fear and things like that are palpable.

        Honestly, I’m not really sure what’s going on here either. I don’t have any plans to expand on this, but that may change. Perhaps we will learn together what this entity wants with him. Thank you again!

        Reply
    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This was an awesome and terrifying story! It starts off mundane, as many dreams do I suppose, but that quickly changed, and the way you built up and revealed the warping and changing of the dreamspace felt very resonant of actual nightmares I have had in the past, even if I’ve not specifically had a nightmare like the one described here.

      The line “Its edges rotated like gears” was a very evocative and specific line for me – until then, I just had a kinda shadowy-smoke monsterish creature in mine, but that line added a specificity that made it feel more distinct and strange, almost like the edges of this creature would grind and break everything that it touched.

      Then, when the nightmare actually descended, as Colleen and Chip started speaking gibberish before their bodies started to distort and melt…it kinda resembles what having a stroke is like, if that makes sense? That rapid loss of coherence and distortion of the senses seemed reminiscant at least. And made the nightmare all the more horrifying for it.

      Finally, the intrigue of that last line, the word the nightmare leaves behind! It’s not a threat, not explicitly anyway, more a terrifying form of advice, or perhaps a command. But we don’t know at all *what* Thurston is expected to prepare for, or how to go about it. It’s a really interesting potential mystery, in any case!

      Very well done Luna, great work! 😀

      Reply
    3. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      Tagback!

      I particularly enjoyed the “endeavor of poker rice!” I thought at first it meant Thurston was learning or possessed a second language as that sort of poor audio decoding can happen in that situation, but no, it was just the scene turning ~~darkly~~ delectably.

      This sort of nightmare brings Ragnarok to mind, but I hope I’m wrong about that.

      Great job on the description this week!

      Reply
  12. GhostDog_Daniel Avatar
    GhostDog_Daniel

    Only a dream
    by Daniel Weaver
    CW: Vomiting, gore

    “It’s a dream. Only a dream. Nothing more.”

    Whispers filled the room, the looks of fear embedded into the eyes of the ones occupying it. The smell of sweat lingered in the air, and the sounds of breakfasts being regurgitated and thrown up onto the floor followed. A baby’s cry for help, or food, I couldn’t tell. People pushed their heads together, and muttered something, some folks collapsed onto the floor, covering their mouths. Some tried to leave the small shed, that has been our home for several months now. They tried to leave this shelter, the very same one, that kept them away from danger.

    “You…” came a voice from behind me. Deep, and raspy, filling me with a sense of danger. “You dare to say such… HOW DARE YOU!?” he shouted and pushed me with such force that I fell onto the floor, almost slamming my head into the wooden table in the middle of the room. I quickly regained my sense of direction, and hopped back onto my feet, ready to defend myself. “You lying piece of-“

    “ENOUGH!” Pierced my ear a sharp feminine voice. “Enough… Both of you.” I saw a thin layer of air escaping her mouth as she panted, then suddenly fell to her knees. “You guys, causing a ruckus… You’re calling those things to us!”

    I looked at the man who pushed me, then lowered my hands, nodding ever so clearly, that I do not want trouble. The weeping of the infant has grown ever louder. Only, the mother had no mouth to calm her child. She had no eyes, nor ears to see or hear the discomfort of the baby. Where her head should’ve been, now there had been only a bloody claw, coming straight through the wall. One shriek of panic later, they were all over the place. Cutting down, chewing through people. Blood. Bits and pieces everywhere. I lunged myself in a corner, and I kept repeating.

    “It’s a dream. Only a dream. Nothing more.”

    Reply
    1. Rattus Avatar
      Rattus

      This was really good, the way the way you maintained tension in the scene was really nice. The brief moment towards the end of peace did a good job of making the horrors of the last paragraph hit that much harder.

      I’m looking forward to reading more of this setting in the future if you decide to continue with it!

      Reply
      1. GhostDog_Daniel Avatar
        GhostDog_Daniel

        Thank you so much! Really appreciate it! 🙂 I might fledge this out into something bigger, hopefully, I can do it justice. “Be good to your story”

        Reply
  13. Lari B. Haven Avatar
    Lari B. Haven

    Her dreams, his mask
    By Larissa (Lari B. Haven)

    He adjusted his mask and painted the last strokes of the dream magic. He promised she would have anything she wished. Haven missed home, so Jack handpicked one of her favorite memories to start. Her homeroom bedroom where all of her plushies, books, and drawings would be.

    “You got all the details right, Jack.” She sat down in her bed. “But this is not what I wish.”

    “I thought you wanted a piece of your home.” Jack wasn’t expecting her to be aware of the dream.

    She lifted her hand and pushed him to her bed. Her long fingers ran through Jack’s mask. Drawing shapes and watching it slowly crumbled under her touch.

    “My home is still there. But my dream it’s seeing you, the real you. Behind the mask.”

    What she asked of him was against the boundaries they had set when they met. Yet he caught himself yearning for a moment like this.

    Haven embraced him. They were close. He always said that he could just keep his distance, and his heart wouldn’t be hurt.

    His mask kept crumbling.

    Shining saw dust rained from his lashes and filled his lips. All the secret little bits of him, she destroyed with ease. Haven had this power over him, power he once thought to keep hidden. He loved her, but was afraid to tell her.

    “I know you don’t want to say it, but I do!” She hugged him harder. “I love you Jack.”

    The room dissolved around them, and the chasm of his magic stopped to a halt. He untangled her arms from him and gently placed her hands over his face. It was time.

    “As you wish.” He pulled the mask away. Jack wouldn’t deny or lie to himself anymore. “Have a wonderful dream Haven, my love.”

    As the last remnants of his crumbled, she woke up. And for the first time in years he felt the warmth of someone else’s hands on his cheeks. There was nothing between them anymore.

    Her gleeful orange eyes welcomed him. He pulled her for a kiss.

    Reply
    1. GhostDog_Daniel Avatar
      GhostDog_Daniel

      Not much of my opinion changed. I enjoyed this little moment between the two, and even tho I don’t know their relationship, I could still get a good look at their world. The only small slip I see, is that Haven’t sat down on her bed, and then he pushed Jack onto the bed? Might’ve misread or misunderstood, just thought I’d point it out. Otherwise, great work!

      Reply
    2. Rattus Avatar
      Rattus

      This was so cute! I’m already so invested in those two characters, the way you described them told so much of their relationship, while still leaving plenty to be discovered. You did such a good job of portraying the character’s dynamic and emotions within such a short space.

      I don’t know if this is part of a larger work of yours or not, but I definitely want to learn more about these characters.

      Reply
  14. PitL Avatar
    PitL

    A Brief Dream
    by PitL

    When he had first become an acolyte, set adrift in the violent red and gold and swirling dust of the Lesser Academy, he had often received the honor of assisting the initiates when they awoke from their first dream. The preparations would begin hours before: he would light cones of bitter incense to drift through the halls, and play some sharp, piercing tones on the double pipes. Tools to draw the wanderer home.

    And then he waited. And he watched. And when the time came, he was called upon to awaken them.

    All it took – had ever taken – was a small nudge. After all, the stage was already set.

    …

    Izek awoke to the shrill howl of his (fourth? fifth?) alarm. It worked as well as any instrument.

    He sat up, glancing from side to side at the clean industrial corners of his quarters. A few images were scattered across the ground – pictures of family, friends. Some cold flatbread sat on the table. His preparations were far less thorough than the Academy standard, but they worked all the same.

    Soon he would have to get up and feed himself – the beginnings of hunger pangs were already beginning to evident – but not yet. His eyes slipped shut, and he fell prone across his bunk.

    He could still dream a while longer.

    …

    Izek tapped on the initiate’s shoulder. It was cold and lifeless. For a moment, a shrill whine filled his ears, but he ignored it.

    They did not awaken.

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      First off, it is wonderful to see you back in the writing group, Pit! I have missed your stories terribly.

      Secondly, I love the ritual that the acolyte employees to guide the people home from the dreamworld. I am curious, however, if this was a situation of where this was a dream within A dream. Or perhaps Izek is either the acolyte from the beginning or some other person who attended the Academy.

      Critique:

      the beginnings of hunger pangs were already beginning to evident (I think you may have misplaced a word)

      My overall feelings on this story are fascination and intrigue. I really do like the setup; you do a very good job of establishing what the ritual is about, and it’s a great take on the prompt. I just wish we had more information about it and the Academy, though, I know that the word limit is a beast sometimes. I’m also incredibly curious about the ending. I noticed that Izek did not perform the ritual exactly as the acolyte did in the beginning, so maybe that’s why the initiates didn’t wake up? Or is there some other reason? Love the story, either way. Thank you so much for writing and sharing it.

      Reply
  15. Constella Avatar
    Constella

    “Equilibrium”
    By Constellasphere

    Log #214
    December 21st, 2097

    Once again, the experiment has failed, and while a possible investor was present as well. This one had so much promise, but alas, Ainava regained consciousness after remaining in sleep for 10 years, 8 weeks, and 3 days.

    It’s been a week since he woke, and we’re still investigating what went wrong. No wires attached to the test subject were loose, and all of our machinery was running in pristine condition. After the first three failures, we would never make the mistake of overlooking maintenance again.

    And yet, we still cannot find a proper answer. Every experiment before was straightforward; we found the cause and would repair it. Everything from power outages to the subject’s health failing, they were things that we could learn from and then avoid.

    Ainava is a male in his early twenties. He is as generic as they come: brown hair, blue eyes, and even if he was on the thinner side when he was first brought here, he has no prior health conditions. His life has nothing notable within it either. Loving parents, an above average social status.

    A colleague of mine brought up the hypothesis that a flaw within the dream simulation triggered a memory, and in turn lead to a downward spiral in Ainava’s mentality. Unfortunately, we overlooked that possibility. We could have erased his memories, but then the problem of the dream being too artificial arises, as we have to manufacture it before putting the test subject within it. Surely it would lead to the exact same outcome.

    Maybe I am being too sympathetic by allowing them to dream. I hoped by giving them that pleasure, it would allow the length of a subject’s sleep to go on further. If they have no clue they are dreaming, there is no reason to wake.

    Presently, I am debating what to do with Ainava. For lack of better words, he is a mess. The shock of being taken out of sleep has left him frantic and broken.

    I think the time has come for me to be a merciful human being.

    Reply
    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Within the depths of the far-flung future, humanity is finally studying dreams. This is so good, Constella! I love the way you weave certain elements together, like dreamlike atmosphere and scientific study.

      While dreams can be wonderful, especially when they are happy dreams meant for escape, I don’t think I like the idea of endlessly dreaming. Never truly being in the waking world again. Then again, they do say that life can be no more than an illusion sometimes.

      It seems as though you’ve taken that disorientation upon waking to a higher, much more serious extent. The disorientation of wakefulness can be unpleasant for many of us, but here, it seems to have irreversible consequences. And it does seem that dreams are meant to be an escape for the people that are dreaming. They can’t handle the pressures of reality. Should that fantasy be disturbed, their minds break. Permanently. That is incredibly heavy stuff.

      Add to that the fact that there is no other cure for than death! By the ending of it, that seems like a mercy. Poor Ainava. I feel so sorry for the guy. I hope they can get better tech in the future to prevent this from happening as much as possible.

      Critique:

      A colleague of mine brought up the hypothesis that a flaw within the dream simulation triggered a memory, and in turn lead (led) to a downward spiral in Ainava’s mentality.

      I may have overlooked it, but I am curious as to what this experimentation is all about. It is also very interesting that they can manufacture dreams, but they choose not to because of the results. At least they’re learning from past experimentation. This is a frightening curious world, and I would love to see more of it. Fantastic job! Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this.

      Reply
  16. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    What makes us (in)sane? (The Ballad of the Monsters: ?)
    By i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    She told me cats don’t smile enough.

    Some call me mad. But, can you handle mercury without going mad?

    It’s funny, because whenever I work on a new piece—(which they say makes me mad)—I feel like I’m stitching my world together. 

    Is there a world outside today?

    “Hatter!” The girl is calling me. 

    I must have done it again—another sign of my madness: I tend to lose track of reality sometimes. 

    “What is it my dear?”

     Alice, I think she’s called. I really should know this by now. 

    “You’re spilling the tea.”

    So I am. The teacup has presently become a fountain. 

    I apologize (to the tea) and smile, pulling back the teapot.

    I smile often. I never know why. It’s like a nervous tick. A tugging at my skin. At the back of my brain.

    Am I happy?

    “Am I missing anything?” The cat with the human smile trots over to the table. And, no, it isn’t strange. 

    She told me cats don’t smile enough.

    “You’re just in time—”

    Time. 

    When I headed downstairs for breakfast tea didn’t sound half bad.

    Kairos walked in a little while later, looking pouty. 

    “What did I do this time?”

    “You weren’t supposed to wake up so soon.” 

    “Ah: waking up. One of my favorite crimes.” I sat across from her. “To tell the truth, I might have liked to hear more of my dream. I was this mad hatter, and you were an ordinary girl called Alice.”

    “So…” A smile slowly broke across her face. “You liked my Wonderland!”

    “‘Your Wonderland’?” 

    “It’s…” There was something timid in her voice. Something wanting. “It’s my special place. I like to go there when I’m feeling down it…” She hid behind her hair. “It makes me feel sane. I thought it might do the same for you.” 

    My eyes widened. “That’s a real place?”

    She blinked, confused. “Of course it’s real.”

    She told me cats don’t smile enough. And I did what I do best. 

    I’m not a hatter, but I think I may be mad after all.

    Because I do stitch. Just not hats.

    Reply
    1. GhostDog_Daniel Avatar
      GhostDog_Daniel

      I really like this! (I always liked the mad hatter so when I started reading I couldn’t help but get excited.) Although I kind of feel like I’m missing the bigger picture, maybe the characters have already made their debut in older prompts? But the way dreams become real places to these two, that dreams are actually just a safe haven, and you can hop in-and-out anytime you want to hide from the world is a really fantastical idea.

      Reply
    2. Rattus Avatar
      Rattus

      I love the whimsical prose you used for this piece. You have a talent for making your writing light-hearted and comedic, while still retaining the seriousness and weight of the scenes.

      This was really fun to read, and I definitely wanna see more of these two. I have a lot of questions about this world already that I’m looking forward to finding the answers for!

      Reply
    3. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This story had a very uncanny, hard to grasp feeling about it – but for a tale about Wonderland, I wouldn’t expect any less!

      I like how there is immediate hints to how Hatter might have ended up in this situation, with the line ” can you handle mercury without going mad?” – because that’s not a random line at all, mercury can really cause severe brain damage in its raw form. Which in turn suggests a scientific or alchemical background – the few professions that would ever have a good reason to handle such substances.

      Wonderland itself is quite the tug-of-war in tone – the events are a little sweet, a little childlike, a little light-hearted – but the fundamental uncannyness of it all, and Hatter constantly questioning his sense of self and reality alike, leaves an edge of doubt behind. A happy world where the smile may be held open by well-hidden stitches…

      (Slight typo I noticed by the way: “I like to go there when I’m feeling down it…” feels like there should be a comma or even a full stop after ‘down’.)

      Finally, the moment when the real (?) world very abruptly cuts into the scene was rather fascinating! It explains the central premise for what Wonderland is pretty handily, while also leaving plenty of unanswered questions of what this Dream Realm is actually capable of. Especially since Kairos seems to believe it as real as reality…

      Another great story Anti, and a new section of your world has been opened up to us! I look forward to seeing more of it in the future. :3 <3

      Reply
    4. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      Tagback!

      It’s good to see Kairos again and learn more about her. I do enjoy the nested reference, the playfulness of not-a-hatter’s forgetfulness and love, the snappy pace of the prose as it lingers to drive home the façade of the analogy. It’s poignant, moreso when the audience has followed your tales from the start. The mystery of his identity makes it interesting; he’s probably Victor, but well, could be the Shadow, or Peter, or Hook, or even possibly Moirai.

      The dialogue was very good here! Great job!

      Reply

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