Writing Group: Make Me Immortal

Hello, Legends and Luminaries!

Would you want to live forever? Watch the world change and evolve? What about being remembered for hundreds and hundreds of years? There’s so much you could do to be immortal. Ironically, you’ll need to race the clock to achieve it , because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Make Me Immortal

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

The concept of immortality is almost as old as time itself. For as long as we’ve had the sundial and the clepsydra, the astrolabe and the hourglass, and the classic ticking wall clock we know today, we’ve had the desire to freeze such devices, halting the march of time itself.

Sure, making oneself immortal in the literal sense is a bit… uh… impossible. But stories go back as far as the stars can remember of beings who were— and possibly still are— alive and kicking for longer than their little red fleshy tickers should have allowed. There’s the vampire, of course; a being of the night that feeds on the blood of the living, turns into rats, bats, or other creatures, is fended off with holy water, crosses and garlic, and disintegrates in the sun. Plenty of stories have been woven with this creature, some even playing with the lore behind them a little. There’s the Gods themselves, sitting upon their thrones or doing whatever they desire simply to entertain themselves, though as many stories tell, this usually involves interacting with the humans who worship them, whether it’s playing tricks on them, making them prophets and “speakers” for the Gods, or simply wooing human women. 

But there’s more than just these ways to be immortal, depending on how you want to look at the definition of the word. To be immortal, yes, one can be made to live forever, but there’s also the other definition for it; deserving to be remembered forever.

A person could be completely mortal in the literal sense, being born to human parents, growing at the normal human rate, exploring life’s many adventures, and eventually reaching their elderly years and passing gently in their sleep. But what if they did something great during their life? Perhaps they discovered a cure for some otherwise deadly disease. Maybe they were not only a huge stepping stone in the moving forward of technology, but even advanced it by leaps and bounds. Maybe they were a celebrity that everyone just loved, both on and off camera. Or maybe they weren’t even given a lot of attention in life, and only became immortal after their deaths. For whatever reason, they are immortalized in documentaries and movies, in books and awards. Or perhaps the immortal ones are simply that way because those still alive remember them, and celebrate them during Mexico’s Día de los Muertos festivities.

There’s plenty of ways one can become immortal. Whether those reasons are good or bad, is up to the person achieving that immortality.

So what are you waiting for? Time waits for no one! Get out there, and leave your memorable mark on the world!

—Shawna

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least four stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and two of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
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  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new; no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
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    1. One submission per participant.
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Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

129 responses to “Writing Group: Make Me Immortal”

  1. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    Cooler Heads, Better Outcomes
    by Lunabear (Cursed Brothers) (CW: violence, blood, and death)

    Cal glared fire down at his older brother. His fingers itched and crackled with restrained power. Loyalty and hostility exchanged blows within his chest.

    “Get away from–” One hand passed roughly over Remy’s face. He returned Cal’s glower while stepping away from Sephrina. “SHE aducts you, but I– What is wrong with you, Cal?”

    Sephrina scurried up the stairs, stopping only long enough to place a reassuring hand on Cal’s shoulder. “I’m all right,” she cooed for his ears alone.

    Cal gave her a soft smile in return. Relief minutely cooled his anger as Sephrina reached the landing and clutched Helatia’s hand.

    Returning his scowling expression to Remy, Cal descended the last stair until they stood toe to toe. Almost a foot shorter, Cal snarled up at Remy.

    “Ohhhhhhhhh!” Remy’s incredulous eyes bounced from Cal to the sisters then back. He smiled sardonically while shaking his head. “Now I see which head you’re thinking with, little brother.”

    Helatia’s hiss collided with Sephrina’s gasp.

    Cal bristled, the sparks from his fingers intensifying. “Watch your words, Rem. You don’t know–”

    Remy chuckled and leaned next to Cal’s ear. His tone dropped to a salacious whisper. “I hope for your sake that it was deep enough. Otherwise–”

    With a massive shove, Cal sent Remy sprawling backwards. The impact didn’t register until blood gushed from Remy’s mouth and spurted from his neck, where a spearhead was now lodged.

    Cal’s rage died on a whimper. “Remy?”

    Remy freed himself, hand to his wound, soundless words forming. He crumpled to the floor and wheezed his last breath.

    “Remy, no!” Cal rushed to Remy, rolling him gently to his back. His tears flowed faster than his profuse apologies. The sisters were by his side in a heartbeat.

    They watched in horrific fascination as the wound stitched itself closed.

    Remy’s chest shuddered from heavy gasps, eyes focusing. He reached for Cal’s throat with fervor. “Gonna…kill…you!”

    Cal pushed Remy’s attempts away with a watery laugh.

    Remy groped blindly at his bloody neck.

    The sisters shared an awestruck look.

    Cal marked his inner arm for the 47th time.

  2. BlueCafe Avatar
    BlueCafe

    Omarie, Defier of Fate

    By BlueCafe

    The scroll turns to ashes in his hands. The air vibrates with raw potential. The Aether, omnipotent and infinitely powerful, turns its attention to him. No longer will Omarie, the middle child, the scorned and ignored one, be a disappointment to his family. The realms shall know his name for lifetimes to come. He’s about to accomplish what no one has done yet, and challenge the gods to their own game.

    “I wish for immortality.” The words repeated like a mantra over the years fall from his lips almost of their own accord.

    The air becomes oppressive. His vision blurs, his sense of the room fades, and the blood in his veins rushes hotter than it ever has before. Is this it? Has he done it?

    [There is always a price, child.] The Aether does not speak but Omarie hears it all the same. It comes to him as if it is his own thoughts, bubbling to the surface to be heard.

    “Child?” He cries without thinking, “I am in my second century, I am NOT–”

    Stars are born and die. Planets spark into existence; some crash into each other and become smaller planets, some spin fruitlessly within their own space, others flourish. He watches the heat death of one universe while another creates itself from nothing. How old is the universe, he wonders? How old must one be if they are time itself? The Aether answers his question, but his mortal mind spins, turns inside out, and nearly shatters trying to comprehend it.

    He comes back to himself a moment later, breathless and feeling scraped-out but intact. His head pounds. Liquid seeps from his nose.

    “…not nearly as old as you.” Omarie murmurs, ashamed.

    [I can grant you immortality.] It reminds him, patiently.

    He feels weak and powerless.

    [But there will always be a price.]

    The metallic twang of blood mocks him.

    [Are you willing to pay it?]

    He spits. He will not back down now.

    “Yes.”

    [Then it is done.]

  3. I Want What You Have

    By Marcas José Tynan Lopez

    “I was born amidst a plague. Surrounded and stricken by illness and woe. Not many of us survived. And those of us that did, were less than… Ugly.

    I have never felt strong nor lively. Everyday my bones threaten to shatter and my muscles shiver under the weight of my meagre mass.

    And yet… I stand. Alive, and old…

    I never lived.

    I sought you out, I found you. Immortal.”

    Oliver hobbled into the grotto. Away from the whipping winds and rain. He was running out of time, even now. Their eyes restfully opened, like a butterfly’s wings before flight. Oliver’s cackle hung in clouds, as the Immortal awoke.

    They weren’t truly a man. No, they were something more. An alcove, filled with plentiful roots, vegetables and minerals. The very air itself infused with light and swirling like curled hair. But still beneath it all, the outline, the idea of man. From that idea, came a voice.

    “No.”

    Oliver’s face lengthened. He formed a few half words, aborting each, before his mind could calculate a response. His cane clanked as he drew near.

    “What?”

    The Immortal’s chest expanded.

    “No.”

    Oliver began to laugh, nerves and disbelief spiraling in his mind.

    “Please if you’d just…”

    “No.”

    “I need you to listen.”

    “No.”

    “Please stop!”

    “No.”

    “I…”

    “No.”

    “I want what you have!!!”

    Oliver roared, but his lungs gave out. He began to cough with a thunderous bloody beat. He looked up through his squinting eyes, to see the Immortal crying.

    Sap, or blood, or something like honey. But they were crying.

    “No. Young One. No.

    You misunderstand our purpose. We do not live forever. Nothing does.

    We see like the planets do. Second by second, hour by hour, year by year. We bare witness.

    Until it is our time
    .
    There is nothing to be afraid of. I’ve seen your life. The good, the bad, the hardships and triumphs.

    You are beautiful.

    It is true, Oliver.

    I have seen it.

    So stand proud, Son of Eve!

    For you have lived!”

    1. I was a bit confused at first when I saw the line “Their eyes restfully opened” with regards to what the pronoun “they” was referring to, I assume that’s due to you having to cut down the wordcount in post like you said on Discord.

      Either way, that bit of confusion didn’t last long at all, the rest of the paragraph was very descriptive and I could picture the entire scene in my mind in due time.
      Really nice take on the prompt overall. I like the idea that nothing is truly immortal, we just THINK some creatures are.

    2. Vriesn Silver Avatar
      Vriesn Silver

      This is a wonderfully crafted piece. The dialogue delivers its meaning with the right amount of punch, what with the repetitions and desperation. As I read this, I can really envision the scene of what appears to be an immortal showing their pity and understanding towards the inevitable, as well as Oliver’s relatable desperation to fight against that very same inevitable.

      I was a bit off-put by the multiple-lined dialogue since the end quotation is a few lines after that, but it was easy to understand after one read. Overall, good job ^^

  4. Shawyn Waddell Avatar
    Shawyn Waddell

    Coriander
    by Shawyn Waddell

    The bridge of Penelope’s nose creased at the sight and aroma of a breakfast that resembled wet mattress filling. The saffron-robed monk’s face added another convivial crevice to its decades of laugh lines.

    “You Britishers don’t like dhaniya,” he chuckled with rising animation, “but cor-i-an-der makes us live for-ev-er!”

    Coriander by any of its names haunted Penelope from Istanbul to Kathmandu. The soapy flavor and mongrel aroma lingered after meals. Regardless, Penelope met the monk’s breakfast offering with British politeness.

    The monk’s vivaciousness drew Penelope to him, and Penelope’s inquisitiveness intrigued the monk. Thus, for one month in 1949, Chitavake became Penelope’s companion and guide in Nepal, and constantly found ways to douse her meals with fresh coriander. By the end of her Everest pilgrimage, Penelope found that food without a touch of the herb was bland.

    She returned to York, and sold everything that did not fit in her suitcase. Over the corresponding five decades, Penelope called seven countries home, each with a penchant for coriander, dhaniya, cilantro, or whatever local name used for coriandrum sativum.

    In 1998, Penelope moved to Florida, and became one more septuagenarian in the once-proud Lavender Cilantro Villas — nomenclature chosen for the gaudy color scheme, and not the obscure connotation of herbaceous immortality.

    “Ms. Webb,” the letter from the housing authority started. Penelope was delighted with these letters. They usually came months after a new resident moved in.

    “We are writing because your yard violates blah, blah, blah,” Penelope mimicked. “Gardens are for decorative flowers, not vegetables.”

    Penelope detested supermarket herbs. The front yard got the sun, and so, Penelope replaced the postage stamp sized lawn with coriander, and a smattering of dill, lavender, oregano, and parsley. The latter four being safeguards in case the coriander didn’t work.

    No one knew how old Penelope was, as she outlived all her original neighbors.

    1. The_Missing_Link Avatar
      The_Missing_Link

      That’s an interesting spin on immortality. Food really does change how we see the world, and good food makes us healthier and happier. Whether or not she’s actually living longer for it, she certainly leaves an impression, and that impression is likely to last far past when she does. The central grounding of coriander also works to keep everything cohesive.

    2. Robin Graves Avatar
      Robin Graves

      This was very well-written, and an interesting take on the prompt. I love the fact that the immortal properties of the coriander are both hidden and in plain view the entire time. She sounds like she’s living her best (extended) life, and I love the idea of an alleged immortal spending their time living quietly and growing herbs.

  5. At what Cost?
    By Eclipse

    He needed to work faster. Time was running out faster than he could afford.

    He was working furiously at a table covered haphazardly in unrecognizable glass laboratory equipment. Papers were strewn everywhere, almost completely black with ink. Under the ambient light of glowing test tubes, his white hair and wrinkles were especially prominent, casting deep lines across his face, scars of a long life.

    All at once as the last few drops of the glowing liquid came out of his dropper into a bowl of opaque black liquid the light disappeared. In a motion denoting years of practice, he took up the small blade he had at the ready and cut the tip of his finger, creating a steady drip of blood over the bowl. As the first drop landed, the darkness of the room was replaced with a deep red glow, and instead of spreading out across the black surface, the blood quickly formed a column straight up towards the man’s finger, the connection was made, a blinding flash of light, and the man was thrown against the wall.

    He was immediately able to feel the long sought for changes taking place throughout his body. His skin tightened, his hair grew darker and darker until his whole visage was that of a young man.

    His mind, however, was in a state of complete chaos. The mental acuity that he held voraciously onto for years was rapidly leaving, and in its place flooded the memories and images of the blasphemous deeds and innocent souls destroyed to accomplish what he had done.

    As all the of his years of alchemical and esoteric learning left him, the vestiges of his mind were able to feel the last of what had made him human leave him, leaving only the beast hidden within his soul to reign within his body.

    1. Robin Graves Avatar
      Robin Graves

      People tend to think of immortality as a gift, and I’m always fascinated when people explore the darker methods of achieving it. The math makes sense: accumulate lives to add to your own; but human lives aren’t raw numbers and the price is often more than just blood. In prompts like these, I’m always less interested in how someone became immortal and more curious about whether or not it was worth it.

  6. Papileser Avatar
    Papileser

    The Book
    By Papileser Eilitharl

    A loud, thunderous boom shook the earth as Henry awoke with a start. The constant pounding of artillery had struck far closer than before.

    As he jumped up and threw on his jacket, he saw he wasn’t the only one startled awake by the blast. Dozens of other soldiers were throwing on boots and jackets, snatching up guns and helmets as they rushed out of the bunker. He grabbed the book he was reading and tucked it into his breast pocket, threw his helmet on his head, and grabbed his rifle as he bolted out of the barracks.

    Earth-shaking explosions accompanied the deluge as if a constant thunder was brewing in the clouds. Men drenched in rain and sweat stood on the raised platform along the trench, rifles cracking away at the enemy lines. Officers screamed out orders, lining up soldiers near the ladders. A shell detonating nearby blasted dirt and debris into the air, sending soldiers ducking for cover.

    Henry felt himself being pulled to his feet as his officer barked orders in his face, but he couldn’t hear anything over the piercing ring of the aftershock. The officer reached into his jacket and yanked out the book, holding it up for everyone to see. He shouted, “They’re gonna write one of these about us! So let’s give ‘em something to write about!” The soldiers yelled as bagpipes and whistles blew. Scrambling out of the trench like a swarm of ants from a disturbed mound, they charged across the barren wasteland of their own creation.

    In moments, the charging soldiers were being torn apart by the ballistic maelstrom. Henry was blasted in the chest and thrown back into an artillery crater. Suddenly there was only darkness.

    Thirty years had passed since that night. Henry stood at the edge of the crater that had sheltered him from the firestorm. He looked back to the ridgeline, where just before the trench, a stone marker immortalized, “Here lie the brave 15th Company”. Henry reached into his breast pocket to retrieve a small book, the rifle bullet still lodged in it.

    1. scmarshtacky Avatar
      scmarshtacky

      I may be a bit biased, but I always love a good military-themed story. It’s veterans, more than anyone, who truly deserve to be immortalized. Your descriptions in the first couple of paragraphs are so vivid, and I can imagine how terrifying it must be to stand in the middle of a battlefield facing bullets with just one’s determination to stay alive.

      I was so sure that they were all going to die, but I’m glad Henry managed to make it out. It was a beautiful twist at the end. c:

      1. Papileser Avatar
        Papileser

        Thank you for the compliments!

        I’m honestly a big war story buff too, they really just get the imagination going. A lot of the ideas came from WWI documentaries and movies, and just the long periods of relative calm and then the sudden storm breaking when hell is let loose, and the brave men who freed it.

        Thanks once again for the feedback and good luck with your stories!

    2. Quetzalcoatl Avatar
      Quetzalcoatl

      Is this a reference to that soldier, who survived a bullet because it pierced the bible he had in his pocket? I really loved that story! And your way to tell it was so beautiful!

      There were two things I especially liked: Your descriptions of the war scene and the ending.

      You may not have mentioned it, or maybe you didn´t even intend to do so, but as soon as I read the first few lines, I immediately found myself in the trenches of Verdun. May be even at the battle of Somme? It could, as it matches the setting perfectly.

      The ending, where even after all those years, he still hasn´t forgotten his comrades, really got me. It was a stunning way to show how he could not simply let go of the past. That he was a survivor of hell.

      Your story honestly was an absolutely amazing piece of literature. Keep up the good work!

      1. Papileser Avatar
        Papileser

        I’ve heard of that story before, but honestly, it was not part of my inspiration. Most of my inspiration came from WWI documentaries and stories. But that is a truly inspiring story from those days.

        Battles like the Somme and Verdun were definitely in mind when I wrote the story. The men who survived them had gone to hell and back again are truly great.

        Thank you for all the compliments! And good luck with your writing too!

  7. Insania404 Avatar
    Insania404

    Fragments of What Remains (Oneiron Universe)
    By: Insania404 [Private Repost]

    Alfred turned to the picture again, the three figures on its surface blissfully unaware of their unfortunate futures. He caught a glimpse of a grotesquely thin creature in his periphery and sighed as he turned to face him.

    “You know, he designed this facility when he was twelve. When he showed us the layout and the intricate details of his vision, we chalked it up to childish dreams. He was the baby of our group and me and his brother were already jaded by reality. This world had no place for dreamers.”

    The thin creature timidly stepped closer, unsure of whether the words were directed toward him. His voice was shaky, his response almost a whisper. “What happened?”

    “Come closer and I’ll tell you. You don’t have to be afraid of me anymore, Thirteen. My reaction was from a lack of understanding. The director set me straight. He could always keep us grounded.”

    Alfred placed the picture on the desk and spun it around for Thirteen to see. He pointed at the people starting from the left.

    “This is me, the right one is Andrew, and that one in the middle, that’s Jamie, who you’ve known as the director. Their mother took this picture of us after Jamie finished high school. I called off sick from work so I could be there, and I believe Andrew was preparing to go to college in a few weeks. At the time, nothing could separate our bond.”

    Thirteen could tell there was great sorrow underneath the words that Alfred spoke. “Things changed. Didn’t they?”

    “Time proved us wrong. I lost my job shortly after Andrew’s accident and Jamie grew more obsessed with technology to cope. He hired me on as soon as he could, but Jamie had changed. It was no longer about simple virtual reality games. It was about creating ideal worlds where people could run from their ails. In a way, he had defeated death with denial.”

    Thirteen understood. “The CiRFiS.”

    Alfred nodded. “As long as Oneiron Corporation still stands, the Pulchant brothers will live forever, exactly as Jamie had planned.”

    1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      Very ominous, Insania. It also feels very real, the idea of losing your closest friends/families. Whether psychically or emotionally. Which is good, I like prompts with emotion.

  8. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
    ThatWeirdFish

    The Cost of Eternity (Repost from Private)
    By: ThatWeirdFish (Reviewed by Specter)

    You have done everything. Fought angels and demons, trekked through the deepest parts of the universe, sacrificed everything you’ve held dear… and, finally, you arrived at the door. His door.

    You raised your hand to knock, but the door swung open on its own.

    “Come in, come in. Make yourself at home,” his disembodied said cordially.

    “Oh, don’t explain yourself,” he cut you off while you inhaled to speak. “We both know what you’re here for.”

    Your throat went dry as you nodded and stepped into the messy study. You turned to the desk at the sound of rustling paper, only to see sheets of music flutter to the floor.

    “A human, figures,” his disappointed voice muttered right behind you.

    You whipped around, but nothing was there. Was that… the scent of licorice? That’s… oddly specific. You slowly turned back around and flinched as those cunning golden eyes pierced your soul with their gaze.

    “Let’s cut to the chase, shall we,” he said coldly. “You in your infinite wisdom decided to bargain with chaos to gain the power of the gods?”

    “Yes… I… wanted to….” You falter under his unblinking gaze.

    “Save the world? Your lover? Fulfill some righteous cause?” He sneered. “Your excuse doesn’t matter to me. What can you, a mortal, offer to a god of gods?”

    He raised an eyebrow over his scrutinizing gaze as he waited.

    “Everything you want: soul, body, mind,” You plead to the entity. “Just… don’t let me die.”

    He chuckled and spoke as if addressing a child. “If you gave me your everything, why, you will die. For I have no use for any of it. Why take a mind when I can think for myself? Why eat a body if I feel no hunger?”

    He stepped closer with a dark frown.

    “Why would I accept an offering given to any basic demon?” His eyes narrowed at you.

    “I have nothing else… please… grant me immortality. I’ll pay any price, do anything!”

    “Actually… there is something I can take in exchange,” He said, looking you over. “Your emotions.”

    “Deal,” You said indifferently.

    1. Vriesn Silver Avatar
      Vriesn Silver

      This gave me a few foods for thought. To earn evasion from death through the loss of emotions. This sounds like something to regret, but by then, it will be impossible to feel regret. Well done!

      I especially liked the part where the chaos (god of gods? I’m not sure what to call him) can easily understand the thoughts of the human. The choice to write this in the Second person point of view is also interesting. To be frank, I can’t tell why this person would go through so much, just to earn himself immortality so I won’t comment on that anymore. Overall, I like your idea a lot. Good work ^^

      1. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
        ThatWeirdFish

        Thank you for your comment!

        And you are spot on in calling him chaos. He is the eldritch manifestation of cosmic chaos and has control over it. What his name is… well… he hasn’t revealed that to me. Probably won’t. He’s sly like that.

        And for the protagonist’s motivations… all I can say is word count strikes again. I’m glad you still enjoyed it.

  9. Robin Graves Avatar
    Robin Graves

    Old Soul
    By Robin Graves

    Everyone wonders about the afterlife, it’s part of the human condition: pay taxes, worry about dying, and then die in spite of all that worrying. Truth is, I couldn’t tell you much about it myself, even though I’m what some might call “experienced” with it. I’ve lived for thousands of years, through hundreds of lives, and died in nearly as many (minus the one, obviously). As soon as I breathe my last, I take my first somewhere thousands of miles away.

    Which really ends up being a pain, because I still remember everything. Maybe not all at first, but the memories awaken as my skull hardens and my brain develops. I remember being three years old and recalling the memories of my previous life as a vicious warlord. Have you ever been psychologically damaged by your own memories? I have; I had nightmares for years of things I later came to understand were my own actions.

    It’s not all wise life lessons passed down by a seasoned sensei. Suddenly that conscience you didn’t have before comes back to bite you when you’re just old enough to recognize you were a monster. No, that you are a monster, because you can’t pretend to be divorced from the consequences. I’ve spent lifetimes of piety, devoting myself entirely to others, meditating to become one with everything, but one good life doesn’t make up for even one bad one. They don’t negate; you remember them both simultaneously. You remember feeling full of the grace of God as you run a food kitchen in the same second you remember cutting a boy’s hands off for stealing stale bread.

    I’ve made the conscious decision to be a monster because I knew I’d live a more successful life. It’s a kind of guilt that follows you, and I’ve used it to justify living more lives just like it, justified by the creed that “you can only get so wet.”

    These are just a few of the thoughts running through my head before the first day of third grade. Which life will I choose to live this time?

    1. This is very thought provoking. I really enjoy the concepts brought up in the 3rd and 4th paragraphs, that one good deed does not fix a bad deed, and how if one were immortal we would loose all care for minor things like that. It makes for a very haunting beginning to a story. Good job!

    2. I really like this twist on immortality. Rather its a type of reincarnation. Which is fascinating, that despite the new circumstances the ghosts of the memories rear and make claim to space in this person’s head. There’s also something really poignant about the guilt they feel over the seeming one time they were a monster. That they can’t disassociate from that version. This reminds me, in a very good way, of Planescape Torment. Great job!!

    3. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      WHOA!! Robin, this is SO GOOD!!
      I’ve read a few reincarnation stories where the character remembers their past life (mostly webcomics), but you’ve managed to create a character more interesting than most those in a mere 350 words. Very VERY well done. I applaud you.
      I would freaking love to read a webcomic about this character.

      Favorite lines:

      “Everyone wonders about the afterlife, it’s part of the human condition: pay taxes, worry about dying, and then die in spite of all that worrying.”

      “I’ve lived for thousands of years, through hundreds of lives, and died in nearly as many (minus the one, obviously).”

      “Maybe not all at first, but the memories awaken as my skull hardens and my brain develops. I remember being three years old and recalling the memories of my previous life as a vicious warlord. Have you ever been psychologically damaged by your own memories? I have; I had nightmares for years of things I later came to understand were my own actions.”

      “Suddenly that conscience you didn’t have before comes back to bite you when you’re just old enough to recognize you were a monster. No, that you are a monster, because you can’t pretend to be divorced from the consequences. ”
      –This especially makes me really like this character. To know that they’ve lived thousands of lives and still manage to retain their conscience. And that they’re smart enough not to divorce themselves from who they were.

      “You remember feeling full of the grace of God as you run a food kitchen in the same second you remember cutting a boy’s hands off for stealing stale bread.”
      –I wish I remembered the exact phrasing but I’ve read a piece of writing advice before along the lines of “the bigger the event, the smaller you show the consequences. Don’t show the horrors of war. Show the child’s toy burned and bloodied on the ground.”
      It’s one of my favorite writing advices, and one that I don’t see in practice as often as I’d like to. But this line right here does this EXPERTLY. I love your specifics here so much. They are so vivid and tell me so much about the character.

      I love that you ended it ambiguously. I think if you’d just ended on “I’m gonna become a monster again” I wouldn’t have liked the story as much. The ambiguity of it is something beautiful. It gives us hope they might choose to do the right thing this time. I love the specificity of third grade too. Because for us it might feel like “that’s so young, you don’t need to have yourself figured out yet” but I love that the character knows the choice can be made even at that young.

      Thanks for sharing this, Robin!!

  10. Sing For Me
    by Alexsander Edwards (EddySc)

    Adrian had ignored the warnings. A new priest of a dying religion, he’d been told of the void, of the emptiness. He’d been told to give up his dreams.

    But he did not listen.

    Now, two decades later, the burden had become too much. As his congregation dissipated, the temple’s silence grew to match that of Adrian’s gods. How could he preach to the common folk when the “Divine Voice” had been muted? How could he bring faith to people’s hearts when he himself found none? No, he had to try and reach them.

    And try he did. Every night, his dark robes covered the carmine tapestry of his personal chambers. Countless candles surrounded the thin man as he knelt down and prayed for hours, only to receive nothing but silence.

    Yet, he persisted. What else was he to do? Accept that the old gods had left, leaving room for false idols to take over the earth?

    “I beg of you, o great ones,” he chanted – what once was an improvised prayer had now become a repeated ceremony. “Bradhi. Geyir. Please…” he cried, tears rolling down his dark eyes.

    A cold wind broke the silence. As the room drowned in shadows, a distorted face took over the priest’s mind. Its skin cracked and white as bone, hiding blackened, empty eye sockets. As the dreaded thing chuckled, a loud voice, screeching like nails on a chalkboard, echoed in Adrian’s mind.

    “So, you wish to find your gods?” it said, grinning more and more, showing shark-like teeth. “Maybe you need some help with that…”

    “Who are-”

    “I am… a friend,” it interrupted. “You need your gods, and I know your gods. I can help you,” the thing paused. “Not that you have much choice…”

    Adrian felt his mind being surveyed, as if a dozen needle-like fingers caressed his brain, trying to learn all they could. Somehow, he knew his future was tied to the dark creature’s.

    “You want something in return,” he whispered, defeated.

    “Oh yes, I very much do,” it responded. “Your job is to preach, no? To proselytize?” it grinned. “So, sing for me, little Adrian. Make me immortal!”

    1. Robin Graves Avatar
      Robin Graves

      The concept of faith as a kind of currency is a favorite of mine, and that’s handled really well here through both the loss of the old gods and this mysterious creature trying to become one. What motives could this mysterious presence have, and how will that decision impact our protagonist? I’d love to know; this is a very strong foundation for a story I’d be interested to read.

    2. The_Missing_Link Avatar
      The_Missing_Link

      This is a fun spin on the prompt. I like how it plays with horror imagery around the mysterious face appearing in his mind. It’s a really cruel way for his prayers to be answered that he now has to serve, presumably, one of the idols he loathed in waiting for the return of his gods.

    3. I LOVE the imagery you used in this! Especially the wording associated with the mysterious presence, you can see it yourself, and almost feel the fingers in your mind, just by reading. It’s a fantastic beginning to what would be a great story that I would love to read!

    4. Love the description of telepathy or mind reading. The survey with needle-like fingers, amazing. Immediate feelings of parasitism from this thing, this… entity. The way you described it, with sharp teeth, void-like eyes, pale skin, and the aforementioned fingers, it all read to me as a kind of…
      False God.
      Capable of a few tricks, but completely dependent on worship.
      Fantastic job!

  11. Zac Scarpellino Avatar
    Zac Scarpellino

    True Death
    by Reluctant Discord User

    “Thank you for seeing me doctor…”

    “Sheldon. Doctor Sheldon. And there’s no need to thank me, this is my job. Why don’t you have a seat right over there?”

    “No, I think I’ll stand if that’s alright with you.”

    “As you wish Courtney. What would you like to discuss today?”

    “Well it’s something… that’s been bothering me for a while now. I don’t know, I think it’s ridiculous.”

    “Nothing in this room is too ridiculous to discuss. You’re free to speak however you want.”

    “Uhm, it’s about… immortality. And me. I… I want to be immortal, doctor.”

    “I see. Do you fear death Courtney? You don’t have to answer if you wish.”

    “Who doesn’t? All animals are programmed to survive right?”

    “Something tells me you’re talking about a different kind of death.”

    “How did you know?”

    “Intuition and guess work.”

    “You’re right… in a sense. See, I recently came to a revelation. I had been pondering the concept of fear for some time now. I wanted to know what the greatest fear for humans is. I’m currently writing a horror novel and I figured this would be a great way to make it stand out. My mind kept coming back to death as the ultimate fear.”

    “Makes sense.”

    “But I wasn’t content with that. There are thousands of horror stories themed around death. I needed my story to be more unique. So I started researching people’s views on life, and how it dictates their day to day actions. And I noticed a pattern. Almost everyone fears death, but not in the physical sense. The want for children, someone to carry on our legacy. Making yourself known to the world. Monarchs ruling their country. They’re all trying to avoid one thing. Being forgotten. Doctor, true death isn’t the body ceasing to function. True death is disappearance from memory. Almost everyone wants something to show the world that they were here. To leave a mark. Become immortal.”

    “Hmm… is that why you’re a writer Courtney?”

    1. Robin Graves Avatar
      Robin Graves

      This is a great premise! As writers, we’re always bending light to try and see things differently, and often walking away with a mixture of inspiration and existential dread. I think that’s just the condition of an artist! Seeing how one of those ideas can worm its way into someone’s life to the point that they’re affected enough to be talking to a therapist about it would definitely make for a good feature-length story.

    2. Shawyn Waddell Avatar
      Shawyn Waddell

      This is a very popular belief in many cultures, and comes up in a lot of fiction and non-fiction. I am obsessed with it myself having had life experiences to observe and note practices of grief and remembrance. My youtube feed has been getting a lot of memories of Terry Pratchett lately. His clacks system and the GNU John Dearhart (? I think?) resonates.

      I don’t love the use of a doctor here. I think I would prefer this discussion to be between friends or two authors. The coldness of the doctor jarred me. A warmer give-and-take exchange is what my heart wanted from this story.

  12. The New King
    by Gabriel M. Rayback
    (Warning: Slight Gore)

    Ian stood before the massive, hideous creature that was once the Tyrant King Charles. O and what a horrible beast it was. It stood upon four boney legs, each with five massive claws once reminiscent of human fingers. It had a long and malnourished body, with a terrible worm that once may have been a tale. It’s neck was very long, but it could barely hold the weight of that terrible old worm’s head. The head looked like that of a crocodile, but it had long, greasy white hair that once may have been a beard. The creature had huge wings, each covered in holes.

    As Ian observed this disturbing creature’s slumber, he shuddered to think that it was once a man. A man who was once king. He had been corrupted by a terrible gem, a gem which promised the user Immortality. The king had wanted to rule forever, so he sought out the gem. However, the gem began to destroy him, and while his transformation of body was terrible, his transformation of mind was even more terrible.

    Ian crept up to this sad creature, preparing to slaughter it. It’s rule over the land had caused so many souls to wither away into suffering, to die alone and unloved. Ian wanted to put an end to the age of darkness and begin a new age of enlightenment. This creature that was so horrible, was the key to ending all the terror in the land. Ian slowly and quietly drew his sword, and swiftly slit the throat of the creature. Instantly, blood gushed from the gash in the neck, and Ian could see the creature’s sliced throat inside. The creature cried in anguish, and gave it’s last breath before dying. Ian had freed the land, but he also pitied the creature. He solemnly climbed up to the throne and sat upon it, putting on the dusty crown. Charles hadn’t worn it in years. Ian was the new king. He then noticed something by the side of the throne. It was a gem. Ian looked at himself in the reflection of the gem. He took a long pause, and finally came to a conclusion. He couldn’t let another terrible king take over, so he must live forever. He looked at the gem, and spoke those horrible words:
    “Make me Immortal”

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      I like this story, the protagonist and what he goes through in this short amount of time reminds me of the character arc that Thorin Oakenshield went through in The Hobbit, and the visual of the emaciated immortal creature reminds me of the immortal old people from Gulliver’s Travels. I don’t see this idea done as often anymore, but I think it’s interesting when you have an immortal character, but over time his/her body doesn’t necessarily stay in perfect condition: the idea that despite the fact they remain alive, their body still seems to age or evolve (or devolve) over time. If time can’t claim them, then it will simply warp them.

    2. I absolutely love the design of the Old King Charles. Felt very Souls-like or Bloodborne like. Truly terrific description. It almost seemed to me that the gem wanted something specific as its host. With the description I’m inclined to say, a dragon. Breaking and burning what was once a man into something in the mocking image of a dragon!
      Rad!!

  13. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    The Impossible Crime
    by Lee Strangely

    “We are blessed to be alive in this beautiful world, and this wondrous time. We are blessed to have the gods live among us and guide us with their vast wisdom. They even shared their abilities among our own people!” the inspector explained, “So why do you despise them?”

    “Because they aren’t gods,” the man across the table answered, the handcuffs straining as he leaned back in his chair.

    “You said that lie before. I want to know why you did it.”

    “We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t true,” he remarked, intentionally doing a poor job of hiding his smirk.

    “Why did you do it?”

    “Because how else are you supposed to get their attention. We’re fruit flies to them, we may be annoying, but they don’t care. All they have to do is wait a day and the we’ll just die on a window sill somewhere. The only way for us insects to warrant their attention, is to show them we have stingers.”

    “The gods care deeply for us. You have an interesting philosophy, but this doesn’t tell me why you did it.”

    “Mr. Inspector,” the man asked, “suppose you could outlive everything on Earth. Say about a couple thousand years were to pass. Everything you cared about or could possibly care about will disappear whether you like it or not. Tell me, would you come out of this caring more about the world or less?”

    “WHY?!” the inspector shouted in frustration, “Why did you kill him?!”

    The man ignored him, pretending to stare off into space.

    “Gaagh!” the inspector barked, hitting his fist against the table as he got up and prepared to leave.

    As he opened the door the man turned to face him, “Wait, don’t you want to know?”

    “I don’t care why you killed him anymore. We know you did and have evidence to prove it.”

    “Not why Mr. Inspector…How.”

    The inspector barely, but noticeably, turned his head.

    “The “gods” may heal fast, but they still need blood. Blood still needs to clot, and as it turns out, Komodo
    venom is an excellent anticoagulant.”

    1. Very interesting! The worldbuilding in this one is great! I love this universe that you are creating and I’d love to see more of it in the future. I’m very interested in the character’s philosophy too, very Lovecraftian. I love how this story isn’t about someone becoming immortal, in fact the only reference to that is an idea. Very good job, keep up the good work!

    2. I was left a bit confused, since I’m not very familiar with this universe, but I really enjoyed the more philosophical take on the prompt.
      The “killer” gave me huge John Doe (from Se7en) vibes, up until the end, which was great to read.

      I’m intrigued after this and very much interested in reading more about this world!

      1. Lee Strangely Avatar
        Lee Strangely

        I’m happy to hear you liked it! If you’re worried about missing a previous story, you should be fine: this is my first ever post on this site, so there are no previous installments.

  14. Mysten Noire Avatar
    Mysten Noire

    The Watcher and The Teller
    by Mysten Noire Silver

    Life after life, death after death, the seemingly endless cycle of reincarnation had worn it down. Guilt, pain, and understanding were all it had left. It looked at its precious student and felt the warmth of her tears. The young maiden tearfully wailed, her wings messy from the frantic movements. It began to wonder…

    “My life this time is one of the longest yet, and I have taught you the most…” Its voice was weak but gentle, “Which is why I cannot accept your request, Young Starlight.”

    “MASTER! Please, I’m sure I can help! At the very least, just release your burden. You should finally rest–”

    “And leave you alone?”

    The maiden fell silent yet her sobs wouldn’t stop.

    In this long life, it had finally found a way to rest and transfer its reincarnation curse… But it was slightly unwilling to pass it—complete with its pains and burden—to Starlight.

    “Young Starlight, live life to its fullest and enjoy peace in death for me,” it sounded tired yet relieved, but…

    “Make me immortal.” The maiden, Starlight, repeated her words from many millennia ago when her teacher first told her the tale of its origin.

    Its student’s determined gaze startled it and it ached for her. It understood her the best, after all. Starlight had learned all she could from it and now, it could even discuss recent insights with her.

    She would make a wonderful Watcher.

    As Starlight wiped her tears and calmed her sobs, she gazed into the grey eyes of her master.

    “Make me immortal, Master,” Starlight insisted.

    After a moment of silence, it sighed. The teller began the transfer ceremony resignedly and thought of what to gift its prized student. It pulled out its heart before Starlight could react and implanted her soul with it.

    “My mortal heart. Carry it through your reincarnations. It contains my sealed memories and insights… For whenever you need it, and as a reminder of our restrictive immortality.”

    “I will always be with you, Young Starlight… No, the new Watcher Goddess, Starlight Aria.”

    – End of The Watcher and The Teller

    1. Amazing! I wanna hear more about the lore and where this goes. You defiantly should expand upon this universe. Very simple story, you somehow drew out a very short conversation into a short story with your good descriptions and insights into people’s thoughts. Great job! Keep up the good work.

      1. Mysten Noire Avatar
        Mysten Noire

        Thank you, I’m glad you liked this! I did try to condense everything down efficiently to make sure that I got everything I wanted into this.

  15. Quetzalcoatl Avatar
    Quetzalcoatl

    To Dance with Time
    By Quetzalcoatl

    I was killing time, once again. You see, it was quite annoying, as it just kept resurrecting itself. “How many times has it been?”, I thought to myself, while watching time fall. Again. Again. And again. I was no longer able to remember how it all began, so that a certain particular thought occurred to me. Which was first? That the both of us existed, or that I was fighting it? Again. Again. And again. It questioned the very reason of our existence. Did I live to kill time or did time live to be killed by me? I did not think so. At first, but with the passing of aeons my time became all jumbled up and just kept confusing me. Why did I kill time? Again. Again. And again. Only the memories of me and it, joined in eternal struggle, have not faded yet. But what is the meaning behind it though? What did I wish for? Revenge? For what reason? Time is cruel and yet just. It has given everyone the time they need, so that it is only one´s own fault if it was lost. Eternity? Why, have I not already obtained it? My eternal immortality? For I have fought with time over the course of millennia and yet have not aged a single second. Why should I fight it? Or is this the price? To kill time? Again. Again. And again?

    I was killing time, once again. As it fell, the seconds stretched for the first time in a while.

    You did that, now, did you not? You, who has glimpsed into a single moment of eternity. No need to be surprised, I have already known for quite some time that you were watching us. Has your curiosity been sated? Have you seen the dread of what you seek? Or do you still wish to continue your path? Collecting time is not worth the struggle, but do as you wish, for that shall be your happiness.

    Our visitor closed his eye, time returned to normal. It, no, he stood up, and forgetting all the time that passed, I repeated the words of our first battle.

    “Shall we dance?”

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      Ah, good old time-loops. Sometimes they are annoying gimmicks shoved into random episodes of TV shows, while other times it’s creatively implemented or at least done in such a way that you enjoy going each variation of the same old day. I like the visual this conjures up of two people locked in permanent battle over the course of all time. Reading this makes want to know what was going on beforehand. I’d love to know what led to this moment. This reminds me of the Doctor Who episode “Heaven Sent” which made use of a similar concept in it’s own way.

    2. I really, really love the use of repetition in sentences like “Again. Again. And again” further reinforcing the idea of the time loop.
      Also, I might be entirely wrong in my interpretation, but the paragraph about a “watcher” felt very… meta, to me. We are all killing time when we’re reading stories, and wishing for time to stretch out and let us appreciate it for longer. I wonder if that was intentional or just my own reading of it.

      Either way, very nicely done!

  16. Arius Hyde Avatar
    Arius Hyde

    Ozyrus
    By Local Goblin

    In a vast desert plane, who’s dunes seemed like waves as sands writhed and slithered around, this desert held bones of monstrosities so colossal that they perplexed the mind while also holding skeletons of primordial men who seemed to be stuck in a prayer for eternity. These giant beings of formal glory and triumphs, were now reduced to but measly bones, there were ten of these behemoths — these god like creatures — and then hundreds of skeletons of yonder men from an age long forgotten to war and blood scattered across the desert; they were always facing one of the titans, always watching through death’s eyes.

    At the very center of the vast desert, stood a ruined temple that shone in the sun; it was made of an old and dull gold, with two large pillars standing at the entrance, one in utter disrepair and the other standing firmly. If one were to venture further into the dismal place of prayer, at the center stood a pristine white marble altar, it had dried ichor upon it’s top pedestal, and before it a mighty man stood tall. He was the peak of human height, his body honed to perfection, he adorned a white padded shirt with a golden left shoulder, atop of it was a black collared jacket which had golden intricate designs. His head was cloaked with a white gilded shroud. In one hand he held a round glass bottle which held a strange golden elixir. He took the bottle and held it up high to the sun in the west, and said, “Hear me here, I am king of kings, god of gods, and death itself. Those who pray to me seek solace and comfort in my protection, I have bathed in the blood of entities so powerful they could bend the universe to their will. I am Ozyrus, the slave god who was born from the crippled body of a broken man, I am your lord. I am your demise and your salvation. With the essence of Yshalghul, I shall become unbreakable, I shall become immortal.”

    1. Papileser Avatar
      Papileser

      I greatly enjoyed this piece! It gave a sort of Dark Souls feel with these meek primordial men worshipping these powerful god-like beings, only for them all to be slain by a more powerful being, leaving the environment to fall into decay and despair.

      The descriptions were amazing as well. I could imagine the bones of the great beings lining the sands of this desert and see this new god-like figure in striking detail in my mind.

      Overall, a really great short story! Keep up the amazing writing!

  17. The_Missing_Link Avatar
    The_Missing_Link

    Pen of Immortality

    By The Missing Link

    I sat hunched over my desk late that night, shivering away the cold in hopes to coax something onto the page. I stared down at the empty sheet, pen grasped in hand screaming in my mind to join the two in symphony, but no music came, no sweet words to connect to the world. Worlds danced through my head, tales of war and peace, love and sorrow, everything… yet nothing. All these sights and sounds rattling around, cursing my thoughts with desire, the desire to share them, but still nothing came to the page.

    As I continued my agonizing efforts, my thoughts began to shift and swell. No longer did my daydreams dwell on the vibrant vistas of elsewhere, but instead they came crashing down in thunder as myriad voices. There was my mother, my father, my whole family, and beyond them my friends, but at the very center was the most frightening voice of all, my own. They all sounded in cacophonous accord one thought, the one I had been trying to keep at bay my whole life, one I was now convinced was fact, “You can’t do it. You’re a failure.”

    These were the last words I wanted to hear, but they were hardly unexpected. It’s a tricky thing those lies you tell yourself, “I can’t do it. I have no talent. I’m as worthless as my art.” If you tell them to yourself long enough, they start to become true, true or something close enough that they might as well be one in the same. Now faced with the “truth” of my failure, I put down my pen, my chance to live immortal in the eyes of the world, and left the page occupied with only the soft rains of regret.

    1. Papileser Avatar
      Papileser

      This is an amazing piece! I love the story being told here and can connect with the character extremely well. I’m sure everyone here understands the character’s experience in the story, as they’ve gone through it themselves. Even writing my own story that I posted here, I struggled against it.

      The ideas and images being so tangible to someone, yet being unable to put pen to page (or hands to keyboard) is something everyone has gone through, writer or not.

      And in the moments when you doubt your work, that is the greatest killer of them all. When you pick at every little bit of a story, rearranging, replacing, removing, an amazing tale is lost to the tyrant that is self-doubt, never to be born.

      This truly is an amazing piece! I personally could connect with it on a nearly personal level and it describes the thoughts of every writer on this page, I’m sure. Keep up the awe-inspiring work, Missing Link, and don’t fall victim to the criticisms!

    2. Robin Graves Avatar
      Robin Graves

      Ha! As someone who struggles with ADHD, this is pretty much the landscape of my brain. I think you did an incredible job capturing just how cluttered our brains can feel, and how much is always trying to find a way out but can’t. Not only that, but the frustration of giving in to all the pressure building up, or failing to live up to an incredibly high goal.

      This was a powerful piece, and I hope that your future in writing mirrors it as little as possible.

  18. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
    Arith_Winterfell

    “Precursor and Successor”

    By: Arith Winterfell

    I’m so very tired to be honest. I’ve lived a full life of experiences. Hell, I’ve seen and done things my grandparents could scarcely dream about. I’ve walked on alien moons, and seen the birth of new life. I’ve watched an interstellar empire crumble, and the rise of new would-be empires in their place. I’ve loved and lost people I’ve loved so dearly. After so many centuries of life, and so many replaced body parts to fix whatever in me fails, I’m ready to pass on. Perhaps to see the next world of wonders, or to finally fade into tender oblivion.

    Still, I’ve not lived a fraction of the life of those still long burning stars. Still further, there is a part of me that doesn’t want to see it all end. So, I’m writing to you to explain why I’ve made the decision to undergo the uploading procedure. Even though it will really only produce a digital copy of my consciousness rather than being the original me. I’ll still be here, ready to pass on. For me it will finally end, but I don’t want to disappoint those who love me dearly leaving each of you a bit more alone. So, I’ve made the hard decision to create a copy of myself to live on after me. In this way I can continue to be there for those I love even after I’m gone.

    Know that I do this with trepidation. This is different than having children. I’m bringing into the world a consciousness that will outlast whole solar systems and live to see the merger of the Milky Way Galaxy and Andromeda Galaxy. It will live on long past anything else. In a sense, I’m cursing a child with that. To live on, always losing everything you love. Have mercy upon it my children. Love it with your hearts and should it choose to end its own long stretching existence, comfort it and be supportive of its choice too.

    1. Well, to be fair, it’ll only be as immortal as the machine running it, and slightly more than the society keeping it running.
      But it sounds like they’ve got a pretty stable thing going on, and maybe they’ll be able to make things more self-sustaining. Who knows?

      Still it’s interesting. I’d be interested to find out more about how the copy experiences things. Would it just be like talking to an Alexa? Would it be the same one talking to all their kids and loved ones, or would they each get their own copy? Now that’d be an interesting twist.

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This story is lovely! A little sad in a way, but also really sweet and heartwarming too. In particular, the motivation for why the speaker would leave a digital copy behind: not to live on themselves, but to help the others that still love them feel less alone. Which is like, the exact opposite of so many immortality stories in concept – because here, it’s not just the speaker who lived so long, but many other people too! Some of which clearly have strong bonds to this person even now. That’s a really sweet twist of expectations.

      Ofc the idea of the much-closer-to-truly-immortal digital copy more closely references the true immortal problem with their massively increased scope of life, but I do love how the creator of this copy does the best they can to make sure that even the digital form can have an end of their own, should they wish it.

      Great work Arith! ^w^

  19. Tamela Redfin Avatar
    Tamela Redfin

    Eye of a Hawk

    By Tamela Redfin

    Weeks passed while Ada was making the arm, and so far it looked passable. I mean it looked like a robotic arm. I was looking in Ada’s tool chest she had when I noticed a rhombus shaped blue stone with brown stripes.

    “Hey Ada, what’s this rock?” I asked her.

    Ada gasped. “You can’t let anybody see that! That was my mother, Iris’s. Her Hawk’s Eye stone.”
    “Her what?”

    Ada groaned, “I’ll tell you after we finish, but first can I please have the titanium plating?”

    It was later in the night when Ada tugged on my sleeve. “Chlorine Keely, are you awake?”

    “I am now. What is it, Ada?” She opened her palm, revealing the Hawk’s Eye.

    “This is how we knew so much about dimension traveling. Our mother, I mean… My clone mother, Iris, did it. She used the blue stone, better known as the Hawk’s Eye. But, father disapproved of her perceived immortality and then…”

    “Shh, it’s okay Ada.”

    She placed it in my palm. “I want you to have it. You and your brother can travel together. I think that’s how it works.”

    I was in shock for sure. But what about Sodium Kennedy? He would die alone, but giving Phosphorus Cameron a traveling buddy was a good idea. But who?

    “Does Cameron have any fruendes?”

    I knew the Cryspellen word for friend. “Cameron is mostly a loner. But, I now know… no… should I?”

    “Radon Cecilia, you mean? Give her the stone?” Ada asked. “I’d see if she’s ready first. Also, I’ve never heard of dimension traveling cyphas. Iris said cyphas don’t always exist.”

    “It’s a shot, no?” I nodded. “The arm is the first test for her. Then if she keeps her end of the deal, I’ll make her immortal!”
    “Gude iden!” Ada replied.

    1. First thing, I am just so happy that the arm was mentioned again. Seriously. The connection between entries made my heart skip a beat and cry in joy. Second, I got even more confused with all the things happening that I have no idea what they are, could be, or whey they came from. In a good way! What it’s a clone mother? Should I take in the literal way or is there a hidden meaning behind it? What exactly is this Hawk’s Eye? How does dimension traveling works? What about traveling buddies then? Oh my oh my, so many questions.
      I love it.
      Thank you for bringing this back! It was great to know that the arm is on its way to become whole. I am happy as a reader.

      1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
        Tamela Redfin

        Okay, so I’ll break it down.

        Ada is a clone, so that’s why she calls Iris her “clone mother”. So literally a clone.

        The Hawk’s eye is a different kind of Tiger’s Eye. Both let you travel dimensions, but I think Hawk’s Eye can let you choose your dimension, while Tiger’s Eye is random.

        Dimension travelling is simple, I think. So if you hold the Animal Eye stone (there are three types: Tiger, Hawk and later Ox) and if you sleep, you travel to a new universe. When you die, you return, or you can choose to awake up. Time is altered, as Cameron has only been asleep for a few hours, but has been travelling for a year or so.

        Travelling buddies are people who dimension travel together, simply.
        Hope all this helps.

        Also, glad Aspasia (the arm) brought a smile to your face. 🙂

    2. Insania404 Avatar
      Insania404

      I find it interesting that Ada had slipped and said Our mother when she meant hers. Is Ada hiding more secrets from our main character than the Hawk’s Eye stone? I may be looking into things too much and I’m not exactly up to date on the rules of this world. It’s also fascinating how quickly Ada spilled the beans to Keely. It makes me wonder if Ada had somehow planned this, but for what reason I am unsure.

      1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
        Tamela Redfin

        Hi Insania!

        I think yes, she is. I don’t think just Iris used it, but I don’t think she’s ready to admit to it.

        Yeah, that could have been slower, but if I’d hazard to say why, it’s rather simple. Due to bad memories, and the implications Feldspar killed Iris, she wants to pawn the stone off, but she fears giving up to her technical brother, Gilbert, hence hiding it. But some schmuck accidentally finds it and is part of the rebellion? Perfect opportunity.

        Thanks for the read.

  20. The Lorn Shadow
    By Ann W. T

    How does it feel to not be scared of the dark? To be guarded against the perils of the night, to be the nightmare that hungers for fear and instigates the screams and cries in the hollows? To never even brush Death nor touch on get in its way? To have never been born, never have a beginning to cherish and remember, to never die or have an end to be afraid of? How does it feel to never touch the light nor see the sun, to live whenever there are darkness and only the cold darkness, fated to never know warmth and to never touch another life that had not been touched previously by Death? How does it feel?

    To that, the shadow replied. “It feels lonely.”

    For the shadow was only that. A shadow. To some, a monster yet to many it was simply the last thing they would see before meeting their end- the cold touch of Death. It had never known life however it only existed because of it, the same way it was only a complete being for there was light to make its shadows. It had never seen the sun yet it only existed because the same set every day giving space to the night to rule the skies where there where darkness.

    It had never known the warmth shared by others for its sole purpose was to steal it, to end it. It had never possessed a true name for the ones that could remember it could share those moments no more, could speak of the cold shadow no more.

    The shadow was lonely, indeed, as it would be as long as that world existed. As long there was light to bring darkness, tears to shed and warmth to steal the shadow would be there. Waiting. Longing. Aching.

    How does it feel to be this lonely? To never be remembered, never be touched, never be alive? To watch so many ends, beginnings yet to never be able to be a part of them? How does it feel?

    The shadow replied. “I feel tired.”

    1. scmarshtacky Avatar
      scmarshtacky

      ‘The darkest of shadows exists within the brightest of lights.’ This is something that I’ve thought before, and something that I was reminded of reading your story. It’s a sad concept to exist only because something else does – a shadow is there only because light came before it, or death occurs as a consequence of having had life. Beautifully written. Now I need a humorous video to cheer myself up. lol

    2. Vriesn Silver Avatar
      Vriesn Silver

      A very thoughtful story. Truly inspiring for me! I am enamored by the shadow that you express through this piece. You’ve managed to express timeless loneliness and endless tiredness within these 350 words! Well, I didn’t count the words, so I don’t know how accurate that is.

      I feel that there isn’t much going on, yet the whole world had passed just like that. In a way, perhaps that is what a shadow would feel. I wonder if anyone else had the same thought, but my first reaction to the shadow’s replies was, “Who is asking the shadow?” The idea that someone or something can convey the feeling of an immortal shadow is very interesting. Perhaps you can consider this line of thought for something a bit longer.

      Overall, great interpretation, good work, wishing all the best for the poor shadow ^^

  21. scmarshtacky Avatar
    scmarshtacky

    Twinkle, Twinkle
    by Tacky

    Creation started with an idea, and from that idea, the All-Father began to shape the earth. First, he gave the new world water from which plants could thrive. Then, he raised mountains and dug seas to provide a home for the animals. And finally, His eyes turned toward the sky. He tapped at the black void, and a great light sprung up, then another, and another. With his last tap, he spoke to the newest star.

    “You are the brightest in the night sky. Your glow will never fade, and with your light, you will guide the travelers of the land below you.”

    The little star was beside itself with excitement and pride, and as soon as the sky showed a hint of dusk, it jumped into the air, and directed its light to the land below.

    As the star looked on, it found a group of nomads in the tundra. Each night the star twinkled, and they traveled toward its brilliance, but every time, there was one less than before. Ten, five, four, until they were no more.

    Saddened, the star looked for someone new to guide, and found a boat drifting along the lazy seas. The star sparkled, calling them with its light. In turn, the men lifted their heads, pointed their fingers, and set the sails.

    For months the men stared at the star, and it smiled back down at them. Until one fateful day, the clouds blocked the star’s view of the world; the next night, the boat was nowhere to be found.

    The star cried, and searched again for another seeking its guidance. This time, the star found none. Each night it rose to seek a new traveler, but the people of the land below had their eyes turned toward the ground. Not a one looked up, and as time ticked by, the star found its view of the land was growing more hazy.

    The eternal black fog thickened, and the cities grew brighter until the star could no longer look upon the people. But still, it twinkled.

    1. Oh my gods, that made me so sad. Poor star ;-; It was a very beautiful and very touching story, even though it was so short. I can really feel the sadness of the star as humanity begins to rely less and less on the sky to go with their lives. It’s almost mournful when we think about it, how we humans depends less and less on nature and even poison the planet in some ways. Nature can provide so much to us, yet all we do is stare at the ground. That’s so so sad.

      Well done, friend. Hit the feelings here.

    2. SunflowerBoi Avatar
      SunflowerBoi

      This was such a sad yet beautiful piece. Your use of pacing throughout the story and your use of imagery painted a beautiful picture throughout. I couldn’t help emphasize with the star and humanity drifted further and further away from relying on it. Well done!

  22. Death To The Deathless (Chronicles of The Dragon)
    By Makokam

    “So you’re betraying me.” She sighed. “You know, Eros figured you would from the start. I had faith in you.”

    He shrugged. “I wouldn’t call it a betrayal. This was always the plan, if it looked like you were actually going to succeed. Sure, I need to kill people, but I’ve no interest in ruling the world. Or seeing anyone else ruling it.”

    “I never doubted your strength, but you do realize I’ve taken the title of Death,” she said with raised eyebrows. “I’ve defeated Gods. It’s not too late to change your mind.”

    Jonathan closed his eyes and smiled. He looked back at her. “Nah. It’d be a shame to waste all the effort I put into getting this.” And he pulled out an elaborately decorated, seemingly ceramic, egg that was slightly larger than his fist.

    Lady Keres’ eyes bulged. “How did you get that.”

    He spun the egg in his hand. “I sniffed it out.”

    Glaring death at him she asked, “Do you have any idea what you hold?”

    “I’ve an idea.” And his hand flexed, and the egg shattered. Chunks of concrete and shards of steel scattered around the room.

    Lady Keres gasped.

    Jonathan couldn’t see what had been sealed in the egg, but he could feel it.

    Lady Keres could see it, and watched with a perfect mix of horror and longing, as her soul returned to her body.

    Whole again, Lady Keres started to smile. Then she giggled. Then she laughed.

    And laughed.

    And laughed.

    “I don’t know what you thought you were accomplishing with that, but I’m stronger than ever now! The barest glimmer of hope you had to beat me before is GONE! And by your own hand! I’ve lost nothing, but you have lost EVERYTHING!”

    Jonathan nodded. “I thought that might happen.” He stretched his shoulders and arms. “But as strong as you may be now, you’re mortal.” He dropped into a low stance. “Which means you’ve lost any hope you had of beating ME.”

    1. Very nice. A duel between legends. The old heart/soul in an egg in a duck in a pond in a crater in a mountain at the other side of the world trick? I think it may be. Jonathan knew his tropes before he became Death, I see.

      And now she has her soul back, she’s going to die. Nyahaha.

      Technically, he won? But at what cost?

      1. Haha! Thank you!
        He didnt have to go through THAT much effort though. Sometimes the best way to protect something important is to pretend it’s not. Just file that soul jar away with the other expensive sculptures and decorations.

        “Technically he won? But at what cost?”
        At the cost of a fat paycheck. Lol
        And technically they still have to fight. If I’m not being awesome for awesomes’s sake, it’d probanly be a One Strike Battle. If I’m going for spectacle…it’d be more like a Bullet Hell.

    2. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      An interesting scene. I noted that really its an inversion of the prompt, she not being made immortal, but instead being made mortal. Still, it works really well by exploring the dynamic between these two characters. I feel I want to highlight the part of the scene where Lady Keres laughed at the regaining of her soul. I get the sense here that with her soul separate from her body she found something missing in her self, that hiding away her soul had come with its own sort of cost. That regaining her soul was actually fulfilling making her feel complete rather than weakened. Still Johnathan’s response and incoming battle all express his understanding of her newly returned vulnerability. All in all a good piece exploring some of experience of that immortality.

      1. Thank you!
        Sometimes subversionss are easier to think of than straight interpretations. It’s funny though, because I did a story that would have been perfect for this…and that story was ALSO a subversion of the prompt it was for. And they kind of mirror each other.

        I always liked the idea that sealing her soul away changed her…but I was never able to really out my finger on how. I’ve kind of settled on a slow detachment from the world and anything she cared about, leaving only her desire for…well, whatever she desired.

    3. Lol someone should tell Jonathan that a preplanned betrayal is still very much a betrayal. But that said, I love this scene. As much as I love a good underdog story where the hero feels they have no choice and fight anyway and somehow win due to the power of friendship or a new level of super saiyan or whatever, I do love a good “Both of us are completely sure we’ll win” cocky face off lol.

      I’m going to assume Keres doesn’t know exactly how powerful Jonathan is or gaining her mortality back would have absolutely been a run like Hell and plan, just in case, kinda situation. But most villains, especially after getting a power boost, get caught up in that and forget the obvious things.

      All in all, I loved their back and forth and it makes me chuckle that technically this was about becoming mortal. Nice twist on the prompt! As always, love seeing more of this universe. Well done!

      1. It was less a betrayal and more…parallel paths diverging.
        Okay. Maybe it was a little bit of a betrayal. XD

        Well, Keres isn’t a pushover. She did kill one of the heroes who inherited a god’s name, so…
        But yeah, this fight is either amazingly epic or very quick. Depends on the budget. lol

        Thank you thank you. ^_^ I really enjoyed getting to write this. I hope it’s easy to follow for everyone not familiar with my universe. I was pleased with how easy it was to get everything I wanted in for once.

        And thanks again for all the reviews, comments, and feedback. They’re a real help.

    4. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      GAHHHH I LOVE THIS SO MUCH.
      I couldn’t help grinning as I read this, and I literally almost started clapping too, haha!! (Which, it takes a lot for me to have a reaction like that).

      Fantastic action. Fantastic dialogue. Lady Keres being her wonderfully evil self. Absolute PEAK Jonathan content.
      *Chef’s kiss.*

      I’m gonna try to pick out favorite lines, but know that when I ask my brain to highlight favorite lines it tells me to just copy/paste the entire story XD

      “So you’re betraying me.” She sighed”
      –What a fantastic beginning right there. I love the casualness I hear here so much. This is perhaps one of the best opening lines I’ve ever come across for one of these stories. Because I know *exactly* what sort of story I’m getting into with only six words.

      “I had faith in you.”
      –That’s nice of her.
      I like the avoidance of the villain-who-trusts-no-one trope. This is sort of a “I knew you’d betray me all along” thing, but I like how she’s so confident in herself that she has the ability to trust people, knowing that even if he does betray her he can’t hurt her (or at least, that’s what she thinks). Like she’s so powerful even trusting the wrong people can’t hurt her.

      “Sure, I need to kill people, but I’ve no interest in ruling the world. Or seeing anyone else ruling it.”
      –My favorite stories of yours are always the ones where Jonathan gets to be the hero. The fact that he usually has to act as the villain (whether by choice or accident) means that the situations in which he’s the hero stand out super strongly.
      This line specifically also shows how he doesn’t desire power like most conventional villains, and he also cares enough about the world he lives in to recognize that it’s a bad idea to let someone like Keres get too much power.

      “I never doubted your strength, but you do realize I’ve taken the title of Death,” she said with raised eyebrows. “I’ve defeated Gods. It’s not too late to change your mind.”
      Jonathan closed his eyes and smiled. He looked back at her. “Nah. t’d be a shame to waste all the effort I put into getting this.”
      –Gahhh I love this interaction so much.
      Jonathan’s dialogue/attitude was just top tier in this piece.

      “Jonathan couldn’t see what had been sealed in the egg, but he could feel it.
      Lady Keres could see it, and watched with a perfect mix of horror and longing, as her soul returned to her body.”
      –I like the idea that he can’t see it but she can, as well as the horror and longing in her eyes. Gives her a little more depth.

      And THAT ENDING/LAST LINE!!! YESSSS!!!
      So, so good.

      My only question is…I’m very surprised Keres is so calm about this? This is her soul, which she has gone through pains to hide away to make herself immortal…Her reactions to him finding and breaking it seem disproportionately small when compared with that fact…
      I do like her maniacal laughter though.

      Anywho, this was freaking fantastic. Goshdang. Definitely one of my favorite stories of the week, as well as one of my favorite stories by you in general.

      1. Too much to reply to in a comment, but I’ll answer about why Keres was so calm…
        I couldn’t find a way naturally work in that she could just do the ritual again. Probably. Maybe she assumes she can whether it works or not. And when she was already confident in her ability to win, after getting a power boost, it’s not like she’s going to be concerned about something as inconsequential as being MORTAL
        I mean, the two oldest necromancers aren’t even Liches, so why does she need to be?

    5. SunflowerBoi Avatar
      SunflowerBoi

      I loved the lore! I look forward to see what happens next. I like your subversion for the prompt. I also enjoy the tense. For me, this feel like a battle of wits, and it was so satisfying to read. The use of the egg hiding soul was a good use of worldbuilding.

      1. Thank you very much!
        The funny thing about this being a subversion…is that I wrote a scene where she turned herself into a Lich, making herself immortal…by tearing her soul out of herself…for a prompt about putting yourself back together. So also a subversion. lol

    6. Oooh! Spicy attitude!

  23. Memories of a Mortal
    By Wingman

    A cacophony of beeping wakes Janice from her fitful slumber. The bright white of the room makes her squint and turn her pounding head into the pillow and wish for more dreams. Instead, a memory.

    There is the sweet giggle of a young girl stick-fighting with her brothers. The boys are focused on one another as she springs up behind them with a thrust of her faithful sword. Both boys fall to the ground in surrender as she giggles again. If only you could make me immortal I could play with them forever.

    The next memory is many years later, she hides on the stairs after flashing blue and red woke her. Her parents are huddled together at the door. She starts sobbing when she overhears the officer. The crash was fatal and her brothers would never come home. If only you could make them immortal I could see them again.

    The door creaks open and a cheerful tone asks how she’s feeling. The room wavers when her eyes open to reply.

    “My head is pounding, can’t I just go back to sleep?” Her voice is cracked, from emotions or pain she’s not sure. Maybe her throat is just dry.

    “I can turn the lights down for you, but you’ve another two hours before meds are passed Mrs. Stansen,” the nurse replies as he quiets the monitors.

    “Thank you Dear,” she murmurs, closing her eyes against the light of the room again. A few moments pass before the light behind her eyelids lessens and she falls into another memory.

    Her own kids sit on the sidewalk with an entire tub of chalk poured out on the steps. Flowers and rainbows, swords and shields, if she had to guess – that one is a dog…maybe a cat. The true loves of her life. If only you could make them immortal I could love them forever.

    Janice knows now that there is no immortal. Mortality, however, is what gives meaning to her memories. Don’t make me immortal so I can value every fleeting moment.

    1. MacBoiZen Avatar
      MacBoiZen

      Feels in the same vein as the dream story and I think that’s what works in its favor. I feel as if this story is again similar to real life experiences to some. The wanting to keep people or good times forever, but knowing that they won’t and that’s what makes them special. Very touching idea. Not really anything else to say in terms of critique. Well done!

    2. Zac Scarpellino Avatar
      Zac Scarpellino

      This story reminds me of a saying. “Beauty fades, that is why it is beautiful.” If the good times lasted forever, they would lose their meaning. They need to be fleeting in order to be valued. I know this one will hit close to home for some, including myself. This is a very moving piece you have here. Well done.

      1. Thank you! That’s the message that I was thinking of when I first heard the prompt and I had to write something for it!

    3. A wise android/synthoid/whatever once said, “A thing isn’t beautiful because it lasts.” And this story beautifully displays the same gist. You did a great job with why so many of us would want immortality and capped it off with why mortality makes you appreciate our limited time here. I loved this take on the prompt. Very well done!

      1. The finite nature of beauty and time was exactly what I felt I needed to write for this prompt and I’m happy with how it came out. Thank you!

  24. Ben Connolly Avatar
    Ben Connolly

    I am ageing
    by Ben Connolly

    I am ageing.

    I am ageing.

    I am ageing.

    I am ageing.

    Outside a fifth-storey window, soaked under the cold rain, Din waited. He was an old pro at waiting, but rarely in his long life had his heart beat so fast when no danger was near. Moreover, he wasn’t waiting for anything in particular; just himself.

    Beyond the moisture-blurred glass, in a comfortable red chair, sat a young woman, plucking chocolates from a box Din had held just earlier that week. She wasn’t waiting for him. She and Din were scheduled to reunite only days from then. They were “steady,” one would say. Din would say only one of them was “steady.”

    Din’s hand ran down his perennial face, wiping away excess nerves and water droplets. Ah, water. Always finding its level. Always flowing to its eventual resting place, where it will one day evaporate and return to the sky to be born anew. Din’s resting place, you could say, was flowing away from him. Stillness and Movement, for some God-forsaken reason, collaborated in Din’s creation, shaking hands in a paradoxical bond, to always be at odds and never be apart.

    The woman continued to eat the chocolates. Din’s heart ached for her to know. His cold sorrow continued to fall from the sky. Should he tell her the truth? Should he flee under the cover of his tears? Would that he could share his burden with her, that they could exchange hands willingly with Stillness and Movement and ride a river of salt from both their eyes to the expanse of ocean beyond the horizon.

    What a terrible, dark thought. She would never forgive him. It had to be the other way around.

    In Din’s private writings existed just three words. How many times must a lie be told until the cosmos is convinced? Din would keep writing to find out, and when the answer revealed itself, he would fly above the rain clouds to his love, and pray only that he found her at rest in her cozy red chair, and not in an ocean of tears.

    1. Vriesn Silver Avatar
      Vriesn Silver

      Hmmm, I will be honest. I’m very interested to know what will happen (or perhaps have already happened) between Din and the young woman. It took me a few reads and I think I almost got what’s happening. Maybe. There’s also quite a lot of interesting metaphors and euphemisms I’ve never heard of before!

      // Just in case, I’m giving a forewarning. Feel free to stop here if you do not like to read critiques! Or if you’d like to prepare before that. I know some people prefer that. Have a nice day ^^

      You did great with the metaphors and they were truly unique and descriptive, but I think that this could use a bit more concrete descriptions. The longing, lamenting, and melancholic atmosphere can be felt, but as for what is truly happening in the scene, I can barely tell based on assumptions. Perhaps if you weren’t limited by the word count, it’d be much easier to understand and more of this story can be told.

      Overall, the story would be easier to read with a few changes, but it’s fine! Your writing style would perhaps be better for a longer story. But I’m not a professional on that, so don’t count on it. Keep up the work! ^^

  25. MacBoiZen Avatar
    MacBoiZen

    Would It Be So Bad? (Alchemy’s Kin Universe)
    By MacBoiZen

    “A Philosopher’s Stone, huh?”

    The auditorium slowly emptied as the other agents finished their mission debriefing, but Fleur Bellerose was, as usual, not among their numbers. Rather, she laid back in her chair, legs kicked up on the table, reading. Normally, she was the last to leave because she hated crowds, but today, a dossier from her commander was what kept her attention.

    “Definitely lives up to the threat designation,” she read. “Source of all known enhanced abilities. Said to yield almost limitless power and grants immortality. No wonder the agency wants to neutralize these alchemists so badly.”

    “Yeah, and then put the stupid rock in a vault somewhere.”

    Fleur closed her document and looked up. A small Korean girl sat backwards in her chair a few rows ahead of her, head perched on folded arms, her brow furrowed. “I’m surprised you’re still here, Nabi. You’re usually the first one out.”

    “Would have been if I wasn’t so…pissed off,” she huffed. “It’s absolutely ridiculous.”

    Fleur raised an eyebrow. She knew Nabi was rather stubborn. She was prone to speak her mind and question the logic of orders and missions often, but this time…felt different.

    “I think you can cut them a little slack here,” Fleur said. “It’s the most powerful relic ever known. If it stays or falls into the wrong hands…”

    “That’s all the more reason why it shouldn’t be locked up,” Nabi replied. “Think about it. Immortality? Unmatched power? Why not try and use that to our advantage, huh? We could protect this city, the world, from any threat forever.”

    “I know, and I get that sounds really tempting, but…maybe that’s not such a good idea.”

    Nabi scoffed as she picked up her bag. “Whatever. Doesn’t make any sense to me,” she said, storming out of the room.

    In the silence that followed, Fleur began to wonder. She hadn’t given the idea much thought, but now that she was here, and with what was potentially at stake…she’d be lying if she said Nabi’s words didn’t warrant the slightest reconsideration.

    1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Nabi: “Ey, yo, why don’t we like *use* the super powerful dangerous stone?”
      Fleur: “I hear you…But, my dude, that is exactly why they want to lock it up.”
      Fleur after Nabi leaves: *distracted boyfriend meme*

      This was great!!

      I was already super curious about your universe, and this makes me even more so!! Who are these agents and what agency do they work for? How will the stone play into the overall story?

      I like that first bit about why Fleur doesn’t leave. Felt very characterizing for her.

      ““Source of all known enhanced abilities.”
      –Very curious about this one. Because, from what I remember of what I read from this universe, your main characters *did* have enhanced abilities. So I’m curious if a) Fleur’s one of them (plant abilities maybe?), and b) if they indeed got their abilities from the philosopher’s stone.

      “A small Korean girl sat backwards in her chair a few rows ahead of her, head perched on folded arms, her brow furrowed. ”
      –It’s an innocuous little description, but I really liked this? It was very vivid and easy to imagine. Perhaps even a bit characterizing for her.

      As always, I’m a fan of the dynamic nature of your scenes. Even though it doesn’t have as much action as the others you’ve written, it still was really engaging. I think you set up a good dynamic between Fleur and Nabi here, as well as introduced an interesting perspective on the philosopher’s stone in your universe. An argument is always good at keeping readers engaged.

      The only things I can think to critique are really nitpicky things? I usually don’t say nitpicks in my reviews but since you said you wanted critiques I’ll share them XD

      “Rather, she was laid back in her chair, legs kicked up on the table, reading.”–I’m not sure why you used passive voice here, and I think takes away from the sentence, personally. “She laid back” (or is layed? Lie? That word’s tenses are the bane of my existence…) I think would have worked much better.

      “she said, storming out of the room.”
      –This doesn’t feel like a reason to *storm* out/it doesn’t feel like she’s storming out. “Whatever. Doesn’t make any sense to me.” feels like she was just kind of shrugging Fleur off and ultimately agreeing to disagree? And the image of her stomping off in a huff that “storming” brings I think makes her seems childish and takes away from the scene.
      (After rereading it, I did notice that Nabi was overall much more angry than I initially understood, and storming fits better…but I still think another word would be better. That could just be me).

      “she’d be lying if she said Nabi’s words didn’t warrant the slightest reconsideration on her part.”
      –I don’t think the “on her part” is necessary. It makes Fleur/the scene more clinical than I think the ending should be. I think you’re kind of going for an ominous ending note that maybe Fleur will go after the philosopher’s stone and “she’d be lying if she said Nabi’s words didn’t warrant the slightest reconsideration” I think conveys that better.

      Like I said…they’re nitpicky XD Feel free to take them or leave them.

      This was a great story!!

      1. MacBoiZen Avatar
        MacBoiZen

        Thanks! I wasn’t too confident about this one, but I’m glad you liked it.

        That first part of your review got a good chuckle out of me.

        On another review through, I totally get some of the more nitpicky critiques you laid out. I did get a feeling that some of the sentences and words I chose were…not quite fitting? I guess? Sometimes I felt like the conversation was too robotic or stale, other times I felt like it had too much detail when I was first drafting and even when I had this draft ready to go. So you’re totally right. Thanks for the critique!

        Other than that, I’m glad there are so many questions. I wanna be able to answer them all in writing, but I actually have to.. ya know… write it haha. But in any case, glad you enjoyed it!

    2. Congratulations Ladies, you’ve perfectly exemplified why they want the stone destroyed or locked in the deepest hole.

      This world is interesting cause it feels like… It feels like Men In Black crossed with Warehouse 13. Or maybe just MIB but Magic.

      Either way, the fact you tagged it as part of a larger universe makes me curious to see what else you do with it.

      1. MacBoiZen Avatar
        MacBoiZen

        Thanks! I’ve been wanting to write this particular universe for the past few years but never got around to it, so I’m excited to share it now.

    3. Yyyyyyyup! And this is why we can’t have nice things. I do love this story though. You can absolutely see both sides of the argument, but as always when it comes to things like this, the fact that it is such a temptation is exactly why it needs to go.

      That sort of thinking is how the bad guys get the powerful thing. Or how the good guys become the bad guys. Luckily these options, as well as the plethora of other ways this could blow up in their face, make for great stories. Lol great story!

      1. MacBoiZen Avatar
        MacBoiZen

        Glad you enjoyed it!

  26. Memory under a New Name (Forsaken Universe)

    By Alex Nightingale (aka Spectre)

    Nobody would remember the lost cadets of the Fugere. In a way, they were like the people of Ozymandias. Forgotten in the void of the universe.

    To say that Jade was haunted by these thoughts would be an exaggeration. It occupied her technology-infused brain occasionally, but it didn’t distract her. At least that’s what she claimed.

    “Do you think they left those monuments there to last forever?” Zuse, the ship’s AI, asked.

    “What?” Jade distractedly turned the screwdriver.

    “The dead of Ozymandias.”

    “I’d prefer it, if you didn’t refer to them as the dead.” 

    “What other name do we know them by?”

    “Good point.”

    She sighed and continued to work on the circuits. The cybrian wasn’t a mechanic, per se, but she could handle a screwdriver. And right now that was the best they had.

    “Well?” Zuse asked.

    “Well, what.” 

    “My question.”

    “What does it matter? They’re dead.”

    “I thought you objected to that moniker.”

    “I’m not labelling them. I’m just… saying it like it is,” she looked at the security camera above her. “Why do you care, anyway? You’re the Fugere’s AI, not an archaeologist.”

    “Just because I’m an AI, doesn’t mean I can’t have interests?”

    “I didn’t mean that…” she wiped away the sweat from between her cybernetic implants. “I just didn’t know you had those.”

    “So… what do you make of the monuments?”

    “I don’t know. I just know what Rain and Newton told me. Maybe they were trying to make mementos of themselves… Not that it did them much good. It’s not like it saved them.”

    “Perhaps not. Perhaps, in a way, it did.” 

    At this, Jade raised an eyebrow.

    “They’re dead. You said so yourself.”

    “Not their lives, but their memory, their remnants, their name…”

    “But all that is gone. It doesn’t matter how many fancy monuments they build, no one knows who they were. They’re swallowed by the universe. Just like we are.”

    “In a way, they still live on. As the dead of Ozymandias.” 

    Jade did not take comfort in that. She kept working, as one of the dead of the Fugere.

    1. Ben Connolly Avatar
      Ben Connolly

      I think this one is fantastic, from the engaging conversation to the subtle world-building to the downright poetic final lines. It’s a powerful thing, for a people doomed to die to write their name on the wall of the universe for all to remember, even if, when it came to their own mortality, the writing was on the wall all along. And Jade’s fate will be much similar, but whether her memory will share the vitality of the dead of Ozymandias’s may indeed haunt her more than she’s willing to admit. Excellent work!

    2. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Oooh I really really like this!!
      I always get curious about your universes when I read your stories, but Forsaken is an especially curious one. I feel like I really don’t know much about it overall, because each new story kinda changes my perception overall!

      “It occupied her technology-infused brain occasionally, but it didn’t distract her. At least that’s what she claimed.”
      –What great line!!! “technology-infused brain” is such a great way to effortlessly introduce that she’s a type of cyborg without overexposition. And then “It occupied but didn’t distract. At least what she claimed” is also great. Intriguing and avoids cliches.
      “she wiped away the sweat from between her cybernetic implants.”–was also a great similar sensory detail, which also tells us about what she looks like/that the technology isn’t just hidden in her brain.

      I really really like that the ship’s AI is trying to have a philosophical discussion with her. It makes for an especially engaging piece.
      “Just because I’m an AI, doesn’t mean I can’t have interests?”
      “I didn’t mean that…” she wiped away the sweat from between her cybernetic implants. “I just didn’t know you had those.”
      –Was especially fun in that regard. I already really like Zuse.

      “I’d prefer it, if you didn’t refer to them as the dead.”
      “What other name do we know them by?”
      “Good point.”
      –I really like this. It goes back to me liking how your characters value life. I like that it bothers her, but it also makes sense–and shows just how lost the civilization is–that they don’t have any other names to call them.
      To be fair, though, they could probably refer to them as “the people” or “the (lost) civilization” “of Ozymandias.”

      “I just know what Rain and Newton told me.”
      –Ah, something recognizable!!
      I think I’m starting to understand. Rain, Newton, Jade (and Zuse), and maybe others, are somehow stranded on Ozymandias. They’re exploring the world, trying to find something that can make the ship work again, but they haven’t found out how to get off the planet yet.
      Is that right?

      From “Not that it did them much good” till the end was honestly incredible.

      When I got to “Perhaps it did” it made me go “Oh! Oh! Here’s the prompt!” And those are some of my favorite uses of prompts. Where you kinda forget it’s a story for a prompt, and then when you find the prompt its subtle, and deep, and a new way of thinking about both the prompt and the subject…chefs kiss.

      “In a way, they still live on. As the dead of Ozymandias.”
      –Like *whoa.* This is some incredible writing here. Taking a part of the story that felt innocuous–just a subject of semantics–but still interesting, and making it into something powerful. Whatever my equivalent of a Paul Hollywood handshake (from Great British Bake Off) is for writing, this would get that XD

      And then–AND THEN!! When I thought it couldn’t get better “She kept working, as one of the dead of the Fugere.”
      …Okay, now you’re star baker XD
      You’d think that’d be too much, but for me that added yet ANOTHER layer to it. It’s not just an interesting philosophical discussion, for her its altogether real. It takes the comfort of the idea and turns it on its head.

      I knew Ozymandias was a reference, but I didn’t realize how deep the reference ran until now. And that just adds ANOTHER ANOTHER layer XD This discussion is great on it’s own, but pair it with the reference…I don’t know how to go higher than star baker in my metephor XD

      For other references, Is Zuse reference to Zeus? And “Fugere” just means “to fly” in latin, right?

      Fantastic job!!

  27. The True Price (Unlikely Heroes) [From Private]
    C. M. Weller

    A conquerer king dragged Wraithvine to his court in chains. There, the king in armour demanded, “You who are immortal, share your secret. Choose silence, and be executed.”

    “Has his Majesty considered the paradox of threatening an immortal with death? I got my gift from the gods. They don’t like having those gifts destroyed, as I recall.”

    “Then some years in my dungeon may change your mind.”

    Wraithvine allowed the guards to drag hir away.

    Once every year, the king would drag Wraithvine up and demanded the secret of immortality or go back to the oubliette. Wraithvine chose the oubliette.

    Ten years, the king was still a blood-soaked conqueror. Twenty, he had found a wife and begun a family. Thirty, the new prince was gaining the hearts of the populace. Forty, and the king grew desperate.

    “I need your secret,” said the king. “My hold on everything is slipping away. My son is easily lead astray by the voices of PEASANTS. I can’t let such a disaster unfold.”

    Wraithvine said, “Do you really need it? Or merely want it?”

    “Give it to me and I will let you have any reward you want. Name your price.”

    Wraithvine said, “Abdicate.”

    Ten more years, and the king was starting to grow weak. “Every weasel with an eye on my crown is coming after me. They all end up on the executioner’s block. Even my son has turned against me.”

    “Nothing at all related to how you’re executing everyone who crosses you, I’m sure.”

    “Tell me your secret or I execute my boy.”

    “Step one: be at the beginning, when the gods walked the land. Step two: be pure enough to place your hand on a gods heart. Step three: make a vow and believe it. Step four: Watch everything you know change so much that it is foreign to you. You will be compelled to keep your oath. For. All. Time.”

    He struggled to free his sword. “That’s useless!”

    “Then let your son take the crown, or see everything you’ve made go to your enemies. I’ve seen it happen thousands of times.”

    1. I like this take. A king demanding immortality to preserve their hold on their kingdom is a classic, but I really like how Wraithvine handles him here. Especially, when hir demands abdication for immortality, which I thought was a brilliant touch. I like Wraithvine already.

      You also leave a lot of subtle cues as to who the king is and how he runs his kingdom. I love you you weave his cruelty into the narrative, while adding desperation to the mix. He is powerless to force Wraithvine to do anything and he knows it, despite the fact that violence is the only answer he knows.

      Great piece!

      1. There were a lot more cues in the extended version. I had to kill a lot of darlings to get this to 350 words -_-

        To paraphrase Westworld, these violent lives have violent ends.

    2. This was excellent.

      I love the way everything falls apart for this king as time goes on. It’s the way of tyrants to attract like-minded people, eager to take their opportunities at the throne.

      “’Nothing at all related to how you’re executing everyone who crosses you, I’m sure.’”
      A perfect response, honestly. The problem with being feared rather than loved is that people look to exploit your moments of weakness rather than help you during them. And if they never feared you, they certainly have interest in helping you anyway.

      “Wraithvine said, ‘Abdicate.’”
      I love when simple, innocent, words can sound so much like “Fuck you.”

      I absolutely love the ending though. Ignoring “everything he’s made” going to his enemies, it’s the only way for him to maybe die of old age. Assuming his Son holds any love for him at all at this point.

      1. Yeah this kind of king leaves memories, for sure… but not a lot of love.

        …I was WAITING for someone to love the “Name your price”/”Abdicate” exchange XD

        Immortality has it’s price. If you’re not willing to pay it, then it takes that price anyway.

    3. Robin Graves Avatar
      Robin Graves

      This was such a charming vignette, I’m disappointed there’s not more of it! The desperate king, the optimistic prince, there’s so much history and politics artfully fit into such a small word count. Wraithvine is such an interesting and powerful character, I’m curious about their story and what led them to becoming held prisoner in the oubliette. Also, wonderful choice of holding cell–let’s bring oubliettes back into vogue. Er, in a literary sense, of course.

      1. There are more Wraithvine stories out there on the interwebs. Ze turns up fairly frequently in my PEAKD account.

        I don’t have a coherent whole. Yet. Turning my disparate nonsense into a coherent book series would be a challenge here. Kind of Fantasy Doctor Who but without the TARDIS and living through the centuries a day at a time.

        If you pay attention to the patterns of history, the history and politics sketched out here happens A LOT.

    4. Shawyn Waddell Avatar
      Shawyn Waddell

      I’m really glad I read this. A king of holds power, outmatched by a rising son, desperate to cling to power, and desperate to cling to life. It’s a familiar character in fiction, and sets the reader up to anticipate a number of outcomes. I think you’ve done a good job keeping the interest in how this particular story will end, as normally I would have kept moving.

      The ending does feel rushed, however — I can almost feel your pain to get the piece into the word count, which I think is a great exercise, but I see a lot of struggles to condense an epic tale of immortality into 350 words.

      The world does like to a see a tyrant get their comeuppance, and that hasn’t happened here. I don’t feel any hope of a fruitful future for this kingdom, which is fine. Stories used to be told without happy endings.

      I think I see 50 years pass in the story. Assuming he became king in his late 20s-30s, the bloke is 80 years old and still ruling. A ripe age for a king of a world with this medieval feel. His son must be in his 60s by the end of the story. Not exactly a boy any longer. Probably has sons of his own, maybe even grandsons. The son is probably not in the same headspace he was at the beginning of the story either.

      There’s so much that I imagine didn’t make it onto the page, or was trimmed, to meet the word count pressure of the exercise.

      I did enjoy it immensely from a story-telling point of view, and am more interested in this immortal individual. I circled back to his name, as it is the only one used, and wondered if there’s meaning hidden in Wraithvine that I’m not picking up on. Ghostvine… spiritvine… vine..vinyard…wine…

      1. There is a LOT that didn’t make it into this one. I had to have three rounds of trimming chaff and, to my regret, a lot of Wraithvine’s final speech.

        btw – it doesn’t have to be the same son. The conquering king gained his crown in or before his 20’s, so there’s plenty of room for a multitude of heirs.

        I picked Wraithvine for the mouthfeel once upon a time before anything else happened in hir storylines.

        ….now I have to come up with a meaning.

  28. VeryBoringName Avatar
    VeryBoringName

    Immortality fit for a King
    By: VeryBoringName

    A great king clad in a golden robe summoned before himself three alchemists and said to them: “Make me a potion, so that after I will drink it, I shall never die.”

    Two of the alchemists, foreigners not knowing the court were not fazed. But the third, the third knew of the king, and of his paranoia and cruelty, and he gulped in dread but not wanting to tarnish his reputation accepted the challenge.

    They all were given a month to work, the two boisterous ones worked tirelessly, hisses of steam were heard behind closed doors. The third meanwhile, sat in dread, knowing full well that unless he finds a trick, his head shall roll as the king will not believe any of their concoctions.

    Finally, a week before the deadline would come, the third alchemist had an idea, and he requested material, but when one might mystical elements, he had only requested, barrel of sour almond.

    And finally, when the time came to present before the king, the first alchemist presented a special drink made from goat milk from high mountains, and the extract of a strange bean from a distant land. And the king laughed.

    “I have a friend in Persia who drank this with milk of the common bovine, it grants as much immortality as I can grant you money! For trying to deceive me, your head shall be put on a spike!”

    Before the guards took him, the second was made to present, and he presented oil mixed with whale blubber and a dog’s bile laced with alcohol. And the King laughed.

    “Do you expect me to drink something that stinks so much, how come I know it isn’t poisonous! For trying to poison me, you shall hang!”

    And before guards took them, the third presented an extract clear as water, and the king took it to mouth, and died. As the shocked court looked at the alchemist, he said: “I done what was requested! The dead can’t die and he never finished drinking, so there is no after!”

    1. Quetzalcoatl Avatar
      Quetzalcoatl

      A truly intriguing story! You began by following a cliché, as there are many fairy tales and the like with similar settings. As expected, the first and the second messed up and were to be executed. Predictable, one could say. But just as the reader´s waiting to see how the third will win the king`s favour with his wits and wisdom, he suddenly betrays all expectations and kills him. Out of the blue the hole story is turned upside down. What I personally liked was the way you interpreted immortality. Only death is eternal and thus, only the dead are immortal.

      All in all, it definitely was a good read with excellent point. (Though he would still be executed for having committed regicide.)

  29. Connor A. Avatar
    Connor A.

    All in a Moment (Helsing: Vampire)
    By Connor A.
    (CW: Violence, Death)

    Helsing’s hands shook as he wrapped them around the creature’s neck. His breath was shallow from the fight, and the searing pain from the creature’s attacks finally broke through the force that carried him through the struggle.

    “Why…?” He managed in between breaths. “Why… did you…?”

    Despite the long struggle, the creature smiled as if nothing happened. Before Helsing could register what was happening, it flipped over so Helsing was the one pinned to the ground.

    “My,” it spoke with a familiar voice, though the look in its eyes was foreign to him, “you are far more resilient than I first thought.” It traced the collar of his stained shirt with a growing grin. “Perhaps it would be a waste to let you die.”

    It bit through its tongue and pulled Helsing up by his hair. Though Helsing tried to tear himself out of its grasp, it held on and brought his mouth up to its own.

    Helsing felt around for anything he could use as a weapon. His fingers brushed over something, and without looking to see what it was, he jammed it into the creature’s chest. When it let go and stumbled backwards, Helsing forced himself up to his feet and ran outside.

    The cold air stung against his open wounds, but it was nothing compared to the new pain that took over his body. It was only when the beating of his heart stopped when he realized what was happening.

    His senses began to dull as he collapsed to the ground. Even as his vision faded, all he could see in his mind’s eye was the sight of the creature, staring at him with the face of his wife while standing over his son…

    Just when he thought he had his last breath, he was suddenly aware of his teeth becoming too large for his mouth and a burning sensation in his eyes.

    1. Ben Connolly Avatar
      Ben Connolly

      I like this one. So, the man’s wife became a vampire and infected him as well, if I understand? I like the slow unraveling of details right up to the ending, as well as the depressing understanding of what comes next, as they are doomed to be inhuman, bloodthirsty shades forever, or until they accidentally have a garlic pizza for movie night. Great work!

    2. Ooh, this is a really tense piece. From the moment Helsing gets on top of the (I presume) vampire to when he notices his teeth, you had me hooked. You really made the couple of seconds this moment takes to pass seem like hours. The end got me good too. I really thought he’d get away with it, for a second there.

      The lore implications here are also quite interesting. I’m familiar with this version of Van Helsing from your previous submissions, but I never thought he’d be a vampire himself. I imagine that’s what happened in the end.

      Well written!

    3. Zac Scarpellino Avatar
      Zac Scarpellino

      I love that this one starts right away in an action sequence. But it’s not a fast paced one, it feels almost intentionally slow to show how tired Helsing is from the fight. I assume this thing was a vampire. Vampires in general can be tricky to write in my opinion. I often feel like most people follow the same formula with them. But presentation can make all the difference. Just from a few words I got a sense of what this vampire is like and it was quite intimidating. The end caught me off guard and it made me want to read the whole thing again. Nicely done!

    4. I am entirely unfamiliar with the universe of your stories, so I can only guess at the intended meaning here, but I love how well-written this battle was for such a short medium.
      No words used in vain, and everything painting a very clear picture of what happened during the combat. Amazingly done!

    5. SunflowerBoi Avatar
      SunflowerBoi

      This was a wonderful piece as well as an interesting take on the prompt. I liked your use of tense and use of pacing through the scenes as well as little hints of the creatures original identity. The though of Helsing turn into a monster is chilling and a bit poetic.

    6. Huh. That’s interesting.

      I’m most curious about his wife being a vampire, apparently. How long has she been a vampire? What was her plan? IS it his wife?

      And where is it going from here? I mean, I’ve read your other stories (the last three at least. If there were more before that…well, I missed them) so I know about LATER later…but what about like, five minutes from now? Did he kill her/it? Is their son dead?

      Very good for what’s truly the start of a story.

  30. SunflowerBoi Avatar
    SunflowerBoi

    Clash of Wills (Nowhereland Universe)
    By SunflowerBoi

    Left frozen in his office, Doctor Reuben Auclair stared at his old friend. Those words felt like a knife, but when he came to his blood could not help but boil.

    “Non je ne le ferais pas.” Reuben gritted his teeth. “Am I clear? I will never do that.”

    “What do you mean you will not?” Cassiel snapped back and grabbed the doctor’s wrist. “You are aware of what you’re doing? Giving your soul to those mortals?”

    “If you do not like what I am doing, you can leave.”

    “Like I’m going to let you get away with this so easily! There’s no way I’m letting you throw your life away!”

    “Like I can throw an immoral life away. I am helping people, which is probably the only good thing I have done with my immortality.”

    “And what if it kills you?”

    “So far it has not.”

    “And another thing! What if they become immorality?”

    “None of them have as fair as I’m aware. Only Charolette has shown signs, but that is a special case. Beside I only split my soul, if a case is severe.”

    “Reuben!”

    “Why do you care with what I do with my soul?”

    “Because I care about!” Agony echoed out in Casseil’s voice as they slammed their hand down on the desk. “And what about Oswald, or Charles? What about Selene, or Dottie? How would everyone react if something happened to you?”

    “What if nothing happens?” Reuben’s voice soft.

    “Who is to say something will?” Cassiel quivered and their body broke way to their own nervousness. “The truth is, I worry about you, Reuben. You have a habit of being reckless and not thinking things through. I am only asking you to be smart about this. Please, promise me you will be smart about this.”

    “Je vous promets. I promise.” Reuben reeved a sigh.

    1. Connor A. Avatar
      Connor A.

      I love the worldbuilding in this piece! The idea of immortals having this kind of power and drawback to sharing it is fascinating. Since I’m not familiar with this setting I don’t know anything about Charlotte’s situation, but I’m intrigued by the possibility that she’s possibly showing signs of immortality as well. Great job.

  31. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    The Reward She Deserved (Nyx’s Story)
    By Calliope Rannis

    Lord Lectara wasn’t hiding anything anymore. That polite glamour of an elderly noble that he wore above was nowhere to be seen, and instead stood a visage of marble skin, long fangs and eyes burning like flaming coals in boiling blood.

    “You have been doing good work for us, Miss Murnor. Yes, some good work indeed.” He strode towards her, a golden jewel-encrusted chalice hanging lazily in one hand. “I think it’s about time for your reward, isn’t it?”

    Nyx almost gasped, her breath seizing up under his boiling gaze. She was terrified, she could admit that to herself now – but a thrill, a catharsis rushed through her body too. Because-

    “Yes, I know EXACTLY what you desire.” An intense smile grew across his stony face. “You may have never said it, but I know what you want. For it is something that only one such as I can provide.”

    Lord Lectara looked away for a moment, seeming to consider the chalice in his hand. “Knowing what you want is easy, Miss Murnor. But…I would like to know why. Why come to us, of all places? What is the hole inside of you that cannot be filled anywhere else?”

    A small, painful pause. Then…

    “It’s unfair.” (She hated how childlike she sounded.) “It’s unfair that my life, my years in this world, should be cut short by an imperfection of birth. Why can’t I live for as long as other gnomes can, just because of the stain of human essence in my blood? I lose centuries, CENTURIES, of potential life and experience, and for what?” She spat. “To be a little taller, a little thinner? To be ‘different’, or ‘special’? Worthless!”

    She breathed heavily, trying to calm herself. “I just…I just want a life. A real life, a long life. A life where I have the time to do everything I want.” Nyx looks up to meet Lord Lectara’s eyes.

    “Let me have this. Let me have that time. I don’t even need the immortality you possess, I just need more time. Will you provide that for me?”

    1. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      I really liked the drama of this story. To me the central drive of the story is, as Nyx put it “It’s unfair.” Nyx’s point of view about her life and its limitations and her personal rage against those limitations really drives the heart of this story. I also felt that Lectra’s question of “Why?” really frames and sets up the drama. Not only does it lead into Nyx’s rebuke of her mortal limitations, it also frames the nature of the gift and the reasoning that drives Nyx not only in the here and now, but potentially in the eternity she might have to follow. All in all a fascinating look at how and why Nyx desires the sought after longer life.

    2. This was beautifully written. Though I did not know the characters, I was very drawn in. The difference in lifespan and disdain for humans was palpable and I enjoyed the descriptions you had. Your phrasing let me picture the characters as they conversed and feel the passion behind Nyx. Very well done.

      1. Calliope Rannis Avatar
        Calliope Rannis

        Thank you! ^w^

    3. Interesting. This may be the first time I’ve seen a human/gnome. How tall is she? I’d imagine pretty short by human standards…

      Curious what Lord Lectara’s deal is. It seemed set up to be some sort of betrayl, like, “Yes, time to…/get what you deserve/.” And then she’s made immortal but also is now a statue or something. But it seems she’s getting what she wants without any obvious downsides.

      Curious that he said, “I know exactly what you want,” only to ask, “But why do you want it?”

      I don’t think he should have asked why she came to them “of all places”, though, since he just said he was the only person she could get what she wanted from, to the point that wanting immortality would be the only reason to come to him.

      I remember this character from a few prompts ago, and I’m pretty sure that was after this one. Curious to see more of her and whatever is going on with Lord Lectara.

    4. Lol I was pretty much sold on this from the first paragraph because I love vampires. And while I get a feeling that calling Lord Lectara a vampire is probably an oversimplification, I love his character here.

      I also really liked Nyx. Her motivations really showed through here and her request actually makes you pretty empathetic to her deal. It would be unfair if those around you got much longer lifespans especially if the payoff isn’t worth it for you. Lol that said, it is kind of a slippery slope. Sure she just wants a “normal” lifespan now, but what about when her time is running out again?

      Great story!

    5. Connor A. Avatar
      Connor A.

      This is a cool origin story for Nyx! You normally don’t see any half-humans search for immortality, so it’s really interesting to see one possible motivation as to why one would want immortality. I’m also intrigued Lord Lectara; he seems exactly like the kind of person you shouldn’t trust but can’t help but listen to. Great piece all around.

  32. I Once Had Strings, But Now I’m Free…
    By Marx

    An apex predator is one who rests comfortably on top of the food chain. And as Alex looked upon the man threatening him with a bloody knife, the man instinctively learned that definition. Alex didn’t even need to demonstrate his power. The man could just feel that his life was in danger and fled.

    Alex let him go. Men weren’t his preference. He was about to leave when he heard whimpering from the alley his knife wielding ‘friend’ had just come from. Intrigued, Alex followed the sound and found exactly what he was hoping for.

    “Please… please help… I… don’t want to die…” The girl looked up to Alex with pleading eyes as she gasped her rapidly decreasing breaths. “…I don’t want to die…”

    Alex knelt down to her level with a smile, and wiped the blood-stained hair from her face. “Death comes for us all, beautiful one. Why would she spare you?” While this wasn’t the normal way Alex hunted his prey, he still offered her a choice.

    The girl reached a bloody hand to her savior and chose poorly. “Please… Help me…”

    Alex’s smile widened. “As you wish, my stupid, little doll.” He infused the dying girl with his magic. She’d no longer age. The same wounds that almost killed her would become minor inconveniences. And she would forever be tied to his every whim.

    The girl sat up, looking upon herself in awe. “Thank the Lord…”

    Alex raised a curious eyebrow. “And why should HE get any thanks?”

    Still bloody but no longer bleeding, she looked up at Alex with nothing but reverence. “Because He sent one of His angels to protect me.”

    Alex threw back his head into a loud laugh that would have chilled the girl if only she’d known the truth. “How… deliciously ironic that you think me an angel of all things. You entertain me, young one. What is your name?”

    “Sabrina…”

    “Pretty name.” Alex smiled. “Follow me.”

    Before Sabrina could even ask where they were going, her body moved on its own like the marionette she’d unwittingly chosen to become.

    1. This was so spooky and cool – I’m still trying to decide what I think Alex is. A demon? It’s very intriguing. My only critique is the last sentence – you use the marionette as a simile (like the marionette) and a metaphor (the marionette she had become) all in the same sentence. The way you drew me into the story was fantastic. Well done!

      1. Alex is half demon/ half incubus lol. I do have a tendency of just keeping that vague for the prompts though. I’m glad it all came across as spooky as intended! Thanks for your review!

    2. MacBoiZen Avatar
      MacBoiZen

      And suddenly I’m even more suspicious of people in alleyways haha. Seriously though, this story was awesome to read. I love the take on the “immortality is a curse” concept. Alex feels super sinister and I love how you can almost tangibly fee how powerful he is. Poor Sabrina though! What’s gonna happen to her? Why does Alex want her? What is he going to do? Super intriguing and would love to read more.

      1. Lol I’m so glad you enjoyed the story and will be more wary of alleys! Nothing good happens in them! Especially in fiction!

        As for your questions though, I have dabbled into some of that in other prompts with Sabrina in them. This one is kind of an origin for her of sorts. But to answer said questions…

        Nothing good.
        Alex is immortal, bored and feels everyone exists for his sadistic entertainment.
        Nothing good lol.

    3. The irony is delicious with this one.
      And this is the girl who got pez-dispenser-ed over the last few prompts, yeah?

      Considering the immortality aspect, it really makes me wonder just how long Sabrina was with him. Could be a year, could be decades. Nothing about this story really says anything about the time frame.

      The sad thing is I really can’t blame her. She didn’t know what she was asking for, or rather, how he would save her. Like, she was probably hoping he’d just get her a doctor. Not damn her soul for eternity.

      “Thanks, I hate it.”

      But, based on the future…I don’t think she does.

      1. Lol yes, she is Pez Dispenser girl. I love that being her identifier of sorts.

        As for the timeline, it is in fact decades. Well, centuries actually. I’m thinking late 1800s? Like, Jack the Ripper time. Not that the “friend” was Jack but it was around that period. Sabrina’s been around a while. I left that intentionally vague lol.

        And yeah, none of this is Sabrina’s fault. She was dying and she wanted help. She just had a… really bad night as far as luck goes. But yeah, she clearly gets aboard the Alex train pretty hard. I am looking forward to writing some of the instances that encapsulate that.

    4. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Oooh, so this is Sabrina’s origin story then! A very, very far cry from the cruel, insane thrall she was just before Daisy ended her existence for good(?).

      I really liked the first paragraph as a way to establish Alex’s character. It’s one thing to scare off a potential attacker through some act of skill or power, but quite another to not even *need* any tangible evidence of threat to scare somebody off. Not that its particularly suprising to me, knowing Alex as I do.

      I do really sympathise for Sabrina here. She’s in a terrible situation, more awful than any she has been in before (so far, that is), and of course she pleads for help from the first stranger who comes across her. It’s not even like Alex has to make her sign a contract, or agree to something specific – just begging for help is enough to doom her. Which is a really sad thing to think about, even if Sabrina hasn’t fully understood the nature of her situation just yet.

      It was also rather amusing to see her mistaking him for an angel, adds a good dark humor to this piece for sure. And for people who know Alex, they probably put the viewer’s reaction uncannily close to Alex’s own – in that they’d probably find it amusing just like he does, in a very dark way.

      Great story Marx! ^w^

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