Writing Group: The Glass Sword (PRIVATE)

Hello, Fighters from all walks of life!

Have you ever experienced anything that was really scary? And even though you stayed strong in that moment, once it ended, you realized how terrified you really were? Maybe in a battle or something? If you have the time, I’d like to hear of your experiences, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

The Glass Sword

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

This prompt has been in the running for a while, and what a prompt it is! Now, a prompt like this might seem very basic, limited even. But that’s not the case at all.

Of course, you’re welcome to take the literal route. Perhaps you choose a lone adventurer, pressing on through their travels in search of a fabled weapon. Why do they seek it? To overthrow the ruler of their land? To protect their home from an enemy they thought long gone? Or were they just sent to get the sword for a large sum of money in return? Maybe you choose a king’s loyal knight, his most trusted warrior and their sole unique weapon, which has ended many a war. Does the knight learn something terrible and great about the king they fought for without question, and turn their sword on him? Do they finally crumble in a great battle? If so, perhaps their sword finally shatters… or is picked up by a new master, determined to follow in the knight’s footsteps.

There’s plenty of literal ways to write this prompt. But, as is the case with most, if we just tilt our heads and squint a little, there’s something else a prompt like this can mean.

It doesn’t have to be literal at all. You could choose to write about a mage, fighting in an incredible battle against a mighty foe. Seeing that they and their party are losing, they decide to use the one spell they only ever saved for emergencies to even the odds… even if it results in them being unable to fight on any longer. Perhaps you choose someone finally standing up for themselves to a bully, but the conflict leaves them drained and trembling, as they knew they had to finally say something, but feared the response. Maybe you choose someone who is normally very guarded finally managing to visit a therapist, and that strong, prickly facade crumbling as they at last get to pour their heart out. Or perhaps you choose to write about the friend who stays strong for everyone around them, yet at home, by themselves, falls apart from the weight of their own problems. Because while they know how to be open for others, they cannot open up to others about their own issues out of fear or anxiety.

So see, while the literal sense can be fun, there’s an underlying meaning to this prompt.

Strong, but fragile. 

Now, take up your pens, quills, and keyboards. Arm yourselves, and write us a journey unlike any other. Good luck, and Godspeed.

—Shawna

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least four stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and two of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Use two paragraph breaks between each paragraph so that they have a proper space between them (press “enter” or “return” twice).
    6. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
    7. No additional text styling (such as italics or bold text). Do not use asterisks, hyphens, or any other symbol to indicate whether text should be bold, italic, or styled in any other way. CAPS are okay, though.
  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new; no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Be constructive and uplifting. These submissions are not for a professional market, and shouldn’t be treated as such. We do this, first and foremost, for the joy of the craft. Help other writers to feel like their work is valuable, and be considerate and gentle with critique when you offer it. Authors who leave particularly abrasive or disheartening remarks on this post will be disqualified from selection for readings.
    6. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    7. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    8. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

53 responses to “Writing Group: The Glass Sword (PRIVATE)”

  1. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “Fight Glass with Glass”
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane

    The pipe organ resonated throughout the chamber. Morning light shone through glass tinted blue, green, orange and yellow. The windows depicted stories that those within the building knew all too well. Statues of the virtuous lined the outside, looking down upon those that sat in the neat little rows of pews. Along the aisle stood imposing knights, small engines humming on their sides.

    In front of the altar stood a bride and groom that were quite the mismatched pair; the bride was an elf of radiant splendor — her silver-gold hair in tight curls and her dress smooth and pearl white — and the groom was a troll with bruises all over his face and body and a suit much too small. The priest adjusted his comically small spectacles as he looked over his scripture for the ceremony.

    “Family and friends, we are gathered here today to join together Miss Clarice Marie Lovette and Mister Asbjorn…”

    The priest leaned over to the troll, the brownie barely reaching the troll, even with the step stool. Asbjorn swallowed, looked over to Clarice. The smile in her eyes was gone, even though she grinned ear to ear. The troll felt the weight of the elf woman’s malice.

    “Um… J-just Asbjorn, sir.”

    The priest nodded. “And Mister Asbjorn in holy matrimony in front of the Heptadeka and their families.”

    Suddenly, the doors in the back of the cathedral burst open and a man clad in all black strode down the main aisle. “‘Their families’, huh? Strange… I only see one family here.”

    The knights in the aisles drew the swords, the stained glass and brass came surging with electrical charge. The stranger in black chuckled.

    “Already drawing weapons? I thought this country was about the power of the people. I’m not here for violence, ladies and gentlemen. I’m only here to say two words: I object.”

    Clarice’s face seized in anger. “Kill him!”

    With a “huh”, the stranger pulled out a solid glass sword that turned an opaque red the instant he turned his engine on.

    “So it’s the hard way then? Pity. Have at you!”

    1. This is an interesting story, Wolf. The subtleties of Clarice are very well done. She doesn’t love Asbjorn, and might even go as far as harm him (if she hasn’t been already). It’s clear that she’s comfortable being in control, and Asbjorn wouldn’t be here if he had any other choice.

      I’m curious as to why his family isn’t there. Maybe they object to the union, but have no power to speak out against it? Maybe they’re danger, and that’s he’s marrying her? I’m also curious as to who the objector is. Is he a knight? Or perhaps formerly one? Is he objecting because he knows of Clarice’s deceitful nature? So many questions.

      Your descriptions are magnificent. It feels as though this place exists, and I could reach out and touch it. The tension and unease are so palpable. It also has a sort of steampunk vibe with the engines powering the swords.

      The glass sword here is obvious. However, I like the glass vs. glass battle. It must be sturdy glass or replaced easily for them to be drawn with such confidence.

      Overall, this is an engaging piece that feels as though it’s part of a larger world. I would honestly love to see more of this world, the battle, and these characters. It’s an immersive tale you’ve constructed, indeed. I can’t wait to see you post next. Thank you for sharing and writing this.

  2. L. L. Marco Avatar
    L. L. Marco

    Improvisation

    By L. L. Marco

    The second we charged the door everything erupted into chaos. We knew that Seer had the gift of clairvoyance but it still caught me off guard. Each member of my group was immediately met with a monster in which we fell into a violent rhythm, taking our part in the gory ballroom dance. We were armed with nothing but random supplies we’d found along the way: PBC pipe, a chair leg, a rolling pin. But we swung them like our lives depended on it. Battle cries filled the room.

    “Poor girl,” a vampire laughed, ducking to the side as my wine bottle slipped past her head. “Try harder!”

    “Shut up and fight,” I hissed.

    Swing.
    Miss.
    More laughter.

    This cycle repeated for an eternity; I’d go crazy if it went on any longer. All the while, just as I launched another attack, she’d call it out and dance out of the way. Seer told her every pattern, every attack. He knew my thoughts as I thought them. How could I win against something like that!?

    In a fit of frustration I let out a thoughtless, wild swing. The bottle cracked square into her temple and she gasped, eyes wide. The vampire stumbled back, holding her hand to her face. Seer hadn’t told her that would happen.

    Then it clicked. It was never about outthinking Seer. It was about not thinking at all. That was his blind spot.

    The woman quickly hid her surprise, laughing.

    “Good hit, but if you want real power you’d swing it like a sword, not a mallet!”

    She’d barely finished before I swung again. I took her advice, angling the broad side of the glass bottle and striking her torso with the full force of my body. In any other situation her hardened skin was a boon. However, as my force collided with her flesh the impact shattered the end of the bottle, leaving jagged, hungry teeth that bit through her. I completed the swing. A wicked red ocean stained her clothes as she stared, stunned, and collapsed.

    Watch out, Seer. I’m coming for you.

    1. I love this, Marco. It’s so energetic and fluid. You drop the reader right into the middle of the action, and it’s great. With the way it’s written, it feels like part of a bigger world, and I’m absolutely curious about it.

      I DO love how they grab weapons of opportunity, though. The rolling pin made me laugh. Work with what you have, I suppose. I’m curious about the battles taking place, though. Especially the ones involving the rolling pin and chair leg.

      The battle between the MC and vamp is excellent. I love how fluid it is. The way in which the glass bottle is used as a sword is really fun. I especially love when the MC figures out that thoughtlessness is a GOOD thing in this case. Can’t predict what you can’t see.

      ~The second we charged the door everything erupted into chaos.~ Excellent opening sentence. Sucks the reader in.

      ~We knew that Seer had the gift of clairvoyance but it still caught me off guard.~ This just made me laugh.

      ~Each member of my group was immediately met with a monster in which we fell into a violent rhythm, taking our part in the gory ballroom dance.~ I LOVE the vivid image and viscera this brings to mind. It’s so good.

      ~This cycle repeated for an eternity; I’d go crazy if it went on any longer.~ Another line that caused me to chuckle. Eternity is forever, yet the MC can’t stand a moment longer than that. It’s so clever.

      ~However, as my force collided with her flesh the impact shattered the end of the bottle, leaving jagged, hungry teeth that bit through her. I completed the swing. A wicked red ocean stained her clothes as she stared, stunned, and collapsed.~ I do believe that this is my favorite description of the entire story. I saw this most vividly while reading, and it’s so angry and the MOST violent of the blows that came before. “Hungry teeth” gives it such a fast-paced desperation and urgency. I also love that the “ocean of red” could be both the vampire’s blood and the wine, depending on if there was any wine inside (it isn’t stated that the bottle is empty) and if it’s a red.

      Great story all around. It’s riveting and action packed and REALLY fun. I would also love to see more of these characters and who this “Seer” is. I love how sincere your stories always are. Always manage to stir emotions from me. I can’t wait to see what you post next, sweetie. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this.

  3. A Ceremonial Cannon
    By MasaCur

    Cassidy fired the remaining shots from her revolver at the men pursuing her and Andrew, then helped him close the heavy wooden doors of the warehouse.

    Andrew pulled the bar down, locking them in. “What now?”

    There was a pounding at the wooden bay doors. Van Nilsson’s men had found something to batter the door open. Cassidy started to reload her revolver, although they were vastly outnumbered.

    “I found a cannon!” Andrew shouted. He pointed behind Cassidy.

    Cassidy followed Andrew’s line of sight. An ornate brass cannon sat on a stand nearby, half covered with a canvas tarp. The exposed metal was caked in dust.

    “Andrew, you twit, that’s a ceremonial cannon!”

    “Do you have a better option?”

    Cassidy had to admit she didn’t. She ran to the cannon, and found plugs of gunpowder in a barrel nearby.

    “Well, it’s ceremonial, so there’ll be no ammunition,” she said. “I’m worried it’s just as likely to explode as anything.”

    “Cass, the barbarians are at the gate, and when they get through, we’re dead. This is our best option.”

    “Good point. I’ll load the cannon, you get anything you can find to fire at them. Nails, rocks, broken glass. Anything hard or sharp.” Cassidy slid a plug of gunpowder into the cannon’s muzzle, followed by another, tamping both of them in place with a broom handle. She broke a chunk of powder off a third, and pounded it into the touch hole.

    The wooden door began to crack and splinter.

    Andrew rushed up with an oily rag filled with debris, and poured it into the cannon’s muzzle. Glass, crockery, and scrap metal rattled into the chamber.

    Cassidy tore a strip from the rag, and wadded the rest into the muzzle, tamping it down. “Get some cover.” She wrapped the remaining strip around the broom handle, and lit it with a gaslamp.

    Andrew took cover behind a number of crates. Cassidy ducked behind a support beam near the cannon.

    The door burst open.

    Cassidy took a deep breath, then lowered the burning rag on the cannon’s touch hole.

    1. Always am I looking forward to the dangerous yet wonderful adventures of this particular pairing. Andrew and Cassidy are always so much fun, and they have great banter and great camaraderie and have a lot of heart and soul between the two of them. They’re really awesomely written characters, Mas.

      I seriously don’t know what else to say. Andrew is very quick-witted in this case, and Cassidy dressed him wholeheartedly. They are making the most out of this dire situation, and I hope they succeed in it.

      Now, for the glass sword. I believe the glass sword here is their trust in whether this cannon is going to fire or do any damage to those pursuing them. They are using it out of desperation without knowing if it’s going to work, and it could easily break or backfire on them even though it gives the appearance of being strong because it’s a cannon. I don’t know how close I am, but that is my guess.

      ~The exposed metal was caked in dust.~ I just have to point this out again because it’s such a good description. I can actually SEE it.

      This is a really fun story. I’m never disappointed with these two, and they always seem to have a blast with each other, no matter what kind of trouble they’re getting into. As always, I am very ecstatic to see what you write next. Thank you for posting this.

    2. This was really good! The tension was well done, and you did a good job of keeping it up throughout the piece. I liked the banter between the two of them, it felt very natural.

      The short, single sentences that you used to break up the bigger paragraphs were wonderful, each of them carried so much weight and punch to them.

      Also, the cliffhanger ending was fantastic. I was almost holding my breath waiting to see if the cannon would work or not, and then when it just ended I kind of sat there for a second. What a perfect way to end such a great piece!

    3. L. L. Marco Avatar
      L. L. Marco

      What a fun action-filled piece! I like the metaphor for the glass sword; the cannon is just as likely to ‘shatter’ as it is to do damage but damn if they wont try!

      The pacing felt a little rushed in the first few sentences but after that you really got into your stride and amped up the tension. The pressure of deciding between which method of death they’d prefer and clinging onto the hope that somehow they make it out alive is tangible and well done! Overall, I really enjoyed it.

      Hope they make it out in… one piece. >:3c

  4. Rancor Chips Away
    by Lunabear

    This was Tibbin’s most hated time of year. It only brought cold; it lacked happiness and cheer. No trimmings adorned the empty hearth. There were no gifts nor trees; nothing of mirth.

    He slouched with a sneer. No loved ones, as they didn’t want him near.

    ‘Your fault’, their haunting voices echoed. ‘You were terribly selfish! You hurt us so!’

    Tibbin launched the glass from his hand, amber liquid and shards raining upon the bricks.

    “See if I care, you great sniveling twits!”

    Four successive knocks resounded from the door.

    “Who dares to intrude,” he barked, his bare feet finding the floor.

    An uppercut from the icy wind, but to its will, he did not bend. A lone package lay on his stair. Upon it, he visited his most hateful glare.

    It was addressed to him with no other name. Tibbin’s scowl deepened. “What is this game?!”

    With reluctance, and because of the chilly bite, he brought the package out of the unforgiving night.

    Setting it on a nearby table, he racked his brain. His thoughts collided like speeding trains.

    He pondered aloud, “Is this an illusion?” He stroked his jaw. “No,” he mused. It didn’t explain this festive inclusion.

    “It could be a trick,” he relented. “They never TRULY believed me,” he further consented.

    His emotions stoked higher, Tibbin gathered materials for a fire.

    “This would be just like them!” he bellowed while striking a match. Grabbing the package, his plan he wished to enact.

    One tear along its wrapping gave him pause. “That’s queer,” he whispered, staring in awe.

    Unwrapping it fully and opening the box, Tibbin’s mouth fell open in shock.

    “Is this true,” he exclaimed, his voice holding such denial. It was a kaleidoscope with colors meant to beguile.

    Passed from his mother’s father, Tibbin had cherished it. Until it was stolen by Robbie, the foul little git!

    A note within the box explained how Robbie had felt great shame. He hoped his wrong could be amended, for he longed to see the brother he had offended.

    Tibbin’s bitterness fled; memories of home filled his head.

    1. Oooh, I like the rhyming scheme. Something seemed, uh, different as I read it. The language was formal in bits, and it threw me off, but I caught on about halfway through.
      Although, I think you mentioned elsewhere that you were going to try this. So I should have caught on sooner.
      There is a very Christmas Carol feel to this, with Tibbin coming off as a close analog of Scrooge. So I also love how this story fits into the holiday time of year.
      As for the glass sword of the story: This one is a little elusive. I want to say that kaleidoscope has glass in it, but I think the actual glass sword is the attempt by Robbie to mend fences with his brother by giving up the cherished item. It’s tough to figure out. I feel like I’m close to getting it, but it’s just out of grasp.
      Anyway, I loved it. Good job.

      1. Don’t worry about not catching on to it sooner. That’s part of the fun of reading! I’m very glad that you enjoyed this story, Mas, as it was quite a fun challenge.

        Yes! I was determined to write a Christmas story, no matter what! And I did very much intend for him to be a Scrooge archetype. I think I went more Christmas Carol than Dr Seuss, although, I was definitely not shooting for Seuss. Just an overall rhyme scheme in general.

        And yes! You got it! The glass sword in this case is the tenuous relationship that Tibbin has with his family, most notably with his brother Robbie. The break with the family spiraled from the falling out that the two brothers had.

        Again, I’m very happy that you enjoyed this story. Thank you so very much for your review.

    2. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
      ThatWeirdFish

      Wonderful job, Luna! I loved the rhyming throughout the story. It gave it a storybook-like quality, a sense of whimsy if you will. I also liked how you handled descriptions. You left some things vague while others were clear.
      I also liked how you handled bitterness here. And, although his thoughts did turn homewards, it is possible that the bitterness may have only lifted temporarily, if I read your ending correctly. Overall a fantastic piece, well done!

      1. Thank you so very much, Claire! I’m so happy that you enjoyed it! I’m actually pretty proud of it, especially because this was so fun and challenging to do. I can’t tell you how many times I had to change the last two lines because they weren’t coming out correctly.

        Reading you right that it felt like a story book Tale really leaves a warm spot in the middle of my chest. I didn’t realize it until afterwards, but that is exactly what I was going for. Just a little bit more on the adult side because of the alcohol and the breaking of the glass, but I think if I were to read this to children, it wouldn’t resonate with them that that is what was happening.

        Yes! You picked up on the part about the bitterness perhaps being only temporary! I’m SUPER glad you got that! I tried to show that the incident with the Kaleidoscope happened years ago when they were kids. I don’t know how well that came through. So he’s an adult now, and it’s been a few decades. That’s a lot of time to hold on to bitterness and then just suddenly let it all go.

        Thank you again so very much!

    3. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      Well done Luna! The rhyme gives it a sense of broken meter, like a discordant poem. It’s clear this was intentional, but I want to praise your execution anyway. Blending holiday tropes with a sense of brokenness was a gutsy move, but I think it pays off well.

      Great work!

      1. Thank you so very much, Drake! The broken meter was not intentional, but I suppose looking back on it, it does work pretty well. Not only for the story, but also the prompt. Lol. The poetry aspect of it was definitely intentional, however.

        I promised myself that I would do my best to get a Christmas story out this month, even if it is bittersweet. Again, tank you so very much, and I’m glad you enjoyed it!

    4. This was beautiful! Tibbin’s character was done so well, and I always love the way you describe the setting and atmosphere. You have such a nice way with words, your stories are always such delightful reads.

      The way Tibbin went from being miserable to the happy upturn at the end was wonderful. I smiled so wide at the last sentence, it was such a perfect ending to this piece.

      Also, the title was really good. It just has such a nice ring to it, well done. Thank you for posting this!

      1. Thank you so much for the review and the compliments. You’re too kind. I’m glad you enjoy my stories. This one was really fun and challenging to write.

        I wanted to write something for the Christmas season, and I KNEW it had to rhyme. Tibbin has had a rough time of it; he needed a bit of happy.

        I’m so happy this gave you a smile. It’s truly appreciated. Thank you again.

    5. L. L. Marco Avatar
      L. L. Marco

      I really like how you wrote this like a story for children with the rhythm and pacing! It was a fun way to tell a story that I was so sure going to end with, well, you know, ba-humbug and shenanigans as such. But instead it was heartworking; in 350 w0rds you managed to tell a whole story and bring it to a nice and gentle conclusion without making me feel like I was overwhelmed with exposition. Everything was in its correct place and, as I already mentioned, I really love the old-timey vibe <3

      1. Awwww. I blush. Thank you so very much for your review and your feedback. This was a fun and challenging experiment. It’s also great practice for the future.

        I’m really glad you enjoyed this. Yes, I was going to have this end on a more sour or dour note, but the more I started to write it, the more I felt it deserved a happier ending than the one initially planned. It brings me so much happiness enjoy to know that people really enjoyed this. Again, thank you so very much for the feedback.

    6. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      This is great!!
      I’ll have you know you were thiiiis close to getting host’s choice this week!!
      Your rhyming here is fantastic!! I think this is the first TF story I’ve seen use it and it’s wonderful. I bet it was both very difficult and lots of fun XD

      “This was Tibbin’s most hated time of year. It only brought cold; it lacked happiness and cheer. No trimmings adorned the empty hearth. There were no gifts nor trees; nothing of mirth.”
      –Do we have a Grinch, a Scrooge, in the family? ;D

      “Tibbin launched the glass from his hand, amber liquid and shards raining upon the bricks.
      “See if I care, you great sniveling twits!”
      –This was probably my favorite rhyme. I think something about the rhyme, plus the action and the cadence of the lines really works well together.

      “He pondered aloud, “Is this an illusion?” He stroked his jaw. “No,” he mused. It didn’t explain this festive inclusion.”
      –This was another great rhyme. Very creative.

      “Is this true,” he exclaimed, his voice holding such denial. It was a kaleidoscope with colors meant to beguile”
      –Another one I particularly liked.

      “Passed from his mother’s father, Tibbin had cherished it. Until it was stolen by Robbie, the foul little git!”
      –And another one I particularly liked. It occurs to me that the lines that contain Tibbin’s emotion make for the most effective rhymes in my mind. I wonder why that is.
      This line also tells us all we need to know to understand what’s going on in a few short sentences, which is great.

      This was a really sweet story, perfect for the season. I don’t really have many notes on the story itself, as it was fairly simple–(I’m sure it had to be so you could focus on the rhymes). But it was delightful all the same. It probably filled me with more Christmas spirit than most of the TF stories I’ve read this season. A Grinch/Scrooge’s heart melted…it’s always wonderful to see.
      The rhyming also helps with that. It feels like I’m reading a Christmas poem like Nightmare Before Christmas, which is just…chef’s kiss.
      The only thing that could have made it better was seeing Tibbin come home in the end. Though I’m sure you didn’t have the words for it.

      I’m curious if the glass he threw against the wall, or the kaleidoscope, was meant to be the glass sword? Or if it was Tibbin himself, all full of rage until the end when he broke?

      Awesome job with this, Luna!! *Applause!!*

  5. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
    RVMPLSTLTSKN

    Around the Sword
    By RVMPLSTLTSKN (The Saga of The Deep One’s Wake)

    Padas slept less as he aged. One night, some weeks after Vienas died, he found Naslaite peering into the flames of Karas’ Sword, her face a breath away from the edge.

    “You’ll blind yourself, if you stare into the sun.”

    “I am reading the blade, Father.”

    “Why?”

    “To learn its secrets. There is writing on the blade. No one knows what it is.”

    He laid a tattered hand on her shoulder. “Naslaite—.”

    “I despise that name.”

    “You would rather have what Klajonas gave you? niekas?”

    “I’m not her creature. I would rather be known by my character than my circumstance.”

    He breathed, less securely these days. “I’m not in the habit of refusing Vienas.”

    “I know.”

    “Some things are best unknown, daughter.”

    She grinned. “Better.”

    He nodded. The sword’s flames held no heat and the temple was colder with Vienas gone. He sat.

    “Do you know what it says?” she asked.

    “No, I don’t think even Karas’ priesthood knew.”

    “Who is Karas?”

    This was a thing Vienas had prepared him—prepared them all—for. “Someone long dead.”

    “And this sword?”

    “Her sword.”

    “What is it like?”

    “I’ve never used it. Why?”

    “Vienas said it was a woman’s thing and women would know when to use it.”

    “Vienas was the wisest of us.”

    “Father, was Vienas truly her name?”

    “What are you asking?”

    “Was she a person like Padas or a role like Father?” She turned her gaze away from the flames.

    “You want to fill her role.”

    “I want to carry the sword for when you need it. You need a companion, Father. I want to be vienas for you.”

    Padas frowned at her. “Vienas,” he said pensively, “didn’t lose her sight to the sword. If she knew what Karas wrote there, she never shared it. She was a keeper of knowledge and secrets. Some things, she liked to say, are best left forgotten. She destroyed knowledge, daughter. She sacrificed things we’ll never know the value of to protect us from the past.
    “You may be my companion while I live, but you won’t be Vienas. That name belongs to her alone.”

    1. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      I kinda lost the story here, mostly due to all the names being thrown out. The flow was great and the two characters are interesting. The sword of this story add to this as it is a mystery of what it even is.

      However the mystery is lost from the back and forth as almost every other line give it a confusion of who was talking.

    2. Drake, I love how you write sadness, my friend. It’s very poignant and elegant, but it is no less deep cutting. I love that even after her death, Padas still honors Vienas.

      Again, I have commend you for not being afraid to show the characters aging and dying. It’s a fact of life that we all must accept one day or don’t. At the very least, we have to experience it.

      I understand what perspective niekas is trying to view this whole situation from, but I also appreciate that she is still shown to be naive in a lot of things. She wants to be helpful, useful. There is nothing wrong with that.

      ~“I’m not her creature. I would rather be known by my character than my circumstance.”~ This line is cold-blooded, in the sense that it is very impactful. I like the strength of this young one because she already knows that it’s character that counts over circumstance. You can’t change where you’re from, but you can definitely change who you’ll be in the future, and I love that she is holding on to that and expressing it.

      What I like in this one is that the glass sword could be life. Because it is so fragile and easily broken. I am also excited to see what you share next. Your stories do give me a lot to think about, and I’m left with a feeling of wanting just a little bit more each time. Thank you so very much for posting this.

    3. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Oooh I like this one!! It doesn’t feel like the deep sadness I was advertised, haha, but I like it nonetheless.

      “You’ll blind yourself, if you stare into the sun.”
      –Sounds like someone else we know…
      (And, having read to the end, I’m sure that parallel is very much intentional, and expertly done at that).

      “I am reading the blade, Father.”
      –This is such a great first line to have her say. It shows there’s much depth to her character, as well as some recklessness. I like how it could be interpreted as literal reading, or something more like examining the sword. We can’t yet tell if she’s a scholar or a warrior…

      “You would rather have what Klajonas gave you? niekas?”
      –Oooh, interesting!! It seems she is becoming a much more important character than she initially seemed!! I’m very curious about her.

      “I’m not her creature. I would rather be known by my character than my circumstance.”
      –I really like this line.
      Though I also feel like I don’t have enough context to fully understand it. Does “Niekas”–“no one” count as her character or her circumstance? Or does “naslaite” count as either? Or do neither? She says she despises the latter but it seems she doesn’t like the former either…so I can’t tell which one counts as which. Why can’t she create for herself a new name? (Also I threw Naslaite into google translate and all it gave me was “layers.” But I feel like that’s probably not what you were going for. I guess that could count as a character having layers?)
      Also, someone despising a certain name *also* reminds me of someone else, and I’m kind of reeling at how expertly you worked these parallels in there.

      “He breathed, less securely these days. “I’m not in the habit of refusing Vienas.”
      –Love all this. Especially the action at the beginning. But the latter tells us that Vienas gave her the name without having to go out of its way which is cool.

      “This was a thing Vienas had prepared him—prepared them all—for. “Someone long dead.”
      –This is very interesting. Vienas always did seem more practical. Even so, it’s very interesting to hear that she, the priestess who refused TDO’s call because of her duty, was the one who prepared him to say that the gods are dead.

      “I’ve never used it.”
      –Not true??

      “Vienas said it was a woman’s thing and women would know when to use it.”
      –Also very interesting. I wonder if in their culture the women were warriors? Or if has something to do with priestesses? Or if it has to do with Karas’ being female and the sword passing to other women? I’m very intrigued nonetheless.

      “Father, was Vienas truly her name?”
      “What are you asking?”
      “Was she a person like Padas or a role like Father?”
      –Oooh, I love this!! It seems like names are shaping up to be a bit of a theme in this story. This takes a new spin on the idea and I like it.

      Before I talk about the end, I’ll just pull out this line “Some things, she liked to say, are best left forgotten.”
      –Again, it’s very interesting knowing that she was the devout priestess who resisted TDO’s call for duty, but she didn’t hold onto those duties, those memories so tightly in the end. It’s almost comforting that they aren’t desperately trying to keep the memory of the old gods alive…I think that could get painful after a while.

      And the end was super cool too. I wonder if N… yeah, I’m just gonna call her “N,” truly understands the relationship they had or not. It seems like she doesn’t. It causes mixed feelings when she says this; it’s very sweet that she cares about him and wants to take an active role protecting him, but it makes the stomach clench a bit when she says she wants to be Vienas. So, especially in light of that, the last line of course is powerful and wonderful.

      Awesome job!!

    4. Well done, I quite liked this, and I’m glad you’re diving into Vienas more. She seems like an interesting character, and I’m excited to learn more about her.

      I liked the tone of this piece, you always do a good job of setting a specific atmosphere that works for the story. The back and forth dialogue towards the end took me a second, but once I got the flow of who was talking it was really good. Having the dialogue alone put more emphasis on their words, rather than distracting from them with needless descriptions and markers.

    5. L. L. Marco Avatar
      L. L. Marco

      There are a lot of names going on here but after a while I was able to understand who was who. It does make the beginning a bit intimidating but after I got past that the rest felt smooth. I felt like I was sitting there with them listening in, learning just as the daughter was learning about these secret things. I can tell the father cares for both Vienas and his daughter, and after losing the former wants to keep his child safe from whatever darkness the secrets of the sword hides. Very interesting and mysterious piece c:

  6. KipOfTheMany Avatar
    KipOfTheMany

    A New Friend
    By KipOfTheMany
    Little Voice Box Storyline

    “Clearly, I’m going to have to teach you how to fight.” Simon said.

    Casey stammered. “Y-you are? I mean, I don’t think I need to know how to fight.”

    Simon gave her a measuring look. “Really? You don’t think you need to know how to fight? After escaping a prison owned by people who want you dead?!”

    Casey figited. “I mean, yeah, fair point… I just…”

    “Just what?” Simon’s gaze felt as if it might penetrate her skull.

    “I.. I..” Casey stood there shaking, willing Simon to give up on her.

    Suddenly, she felt a soft something bump against her forehead. She looked up. Simon held their hand in a chopping position on her forehead. They smiled. “Don’t worry. Nobody is going to get hurt. Ok?”

    She nodded. “Um, what are you doing?”

    They laughed. “That’s how you train. Treat my hand like it’s a blade. I’ll come at you slowly. Dodge.” Simon brought their hand down again. Casey sidestepped, putting a couple feet between herself and Simon.

    They turned to face her slowly, but never stopped moving, bringing their hand up for another swing. “First lesson.” Simon said. “Control. When you dodge, stay closer to your opponent. Don’t disengage from the fight.” Casey moved, turning toward Simon this time, deliberately keeping close. “Very good.” Simon approved.

    The next hour was spent slow motion dodging. Simon offered pointers along the way. Casey wondered why they could fight so well. And why were they teaching her even though she clearly had no skill?

    Casey stopped moving. Simon’s hand hit her forehead, the first strike to hit her since they had begun. Simon tilted their head. “Why’d you stop?”

    Casey furrowed her brow. “Why are you helping me?”

    “What do you mean?”

    “It’s just. You barely know me. H-how do you know that… I’m worth helping?” She winced. Even to her own ears the question sounded self-defeatist, but she didn’t know how else to put it.

    Simon smiled. “I think a question like that answers itself. A person who worries that much about deserving help must be worthy of it. Right?”

    1. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      This dance was so pleasant to read, the first step to the finish. I like how Casey and Simon seemed like strangers but act like old friends. I also like how Casey had this feeling of she was hopeless. Yet, Simon is willing to help even if she could not see it.

      All in all, love this story and the whole vibe of this tale.

    2. Right in the feels, Kip! Casey’s anxiety and insecurities are so loud here. I resonate with her immensely. Often adopting a self-defeatist attitude, I find myself asking other people why bother to waste time on me when I’m no good? That time she spent in prison REALLY did a number on her. Poor baby. It’s also easy to see that she wants this so very badly, but her conditioning and everything she’s been is telling her she’s worthless and isn’t deserving of it.

      Simon is SO patient and understanding and kind. I love them for that! They’ve either been where Casey has or is empathetic enough to help her navigate these negative feelings. I also really love their ending speech about self-worth. It’s incredibly heartwarming!

      The glass sword here might very well be their friendship. Despite all of Casey’s doubts, it’s quite clear that she and Simon have a genuine, strong relationship and connection. They’re like foils for each other in some of the strongest ways possible. It’s balance.

      Critiques:

      “Clearly, I’m going to have to teach you how to fight(,)” Simon said.

      Casey stammered(,) “Y-you are?

      “First lesson(,)” Simon said(,) “(c)ontrol.

      Please take these critiques with a grain of salt, as they are drops in the ocean compared to the rest of the story. There is so much heart and love in this entry. I absolutely adore it when people can turn negatives into positives, and Simon does this in spades. I know that with Simon’s help, Casey is going to find her stride and her strength. This is honestly beautiful. I am excited to see what you post next. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this.

    3. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
      ThatWeirdFish

      This is a lovely piece, Kip! I really like the dynamic between the two here and the dialog is great. I also really love how each person has their own voice. And as someone who struggles with low self esteem, I empathize with Casey’s sentiment since it’s one I’ve felt before many times.

  7. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
    ThatWeirdFish

    A Dance of Ebony and Scarlet
    By ThatWeirdFish

    Foils clashed in the light of stars and an orange moon. One of the duelers, Edmund, wore a grin that glinted as brightly as his sequined half mask.

    Prince Melburn had invited him to his Masquerade Tournament, much to his surprise given his uncle’s… reputation. No matter, to refuse a prince’s good graces even if it meant an insufferable night of snide remarks and belittling was not good form. Yet here in this opponent, this “Scarlet Fencer,” he found one more interested in crossing blades and wit than gossip. A refreshing change from the norm.

    “Where did you get such armaments?” Edmund asked as he parried their rapier. Its blade was a strange metal that shimmered like obsidian and paired with a dagger of identical make.

    The stranger chuckled behind the embroidered scarlet sash tied around the lower half of his face. “A secret of House Crofton, I’m afraid,” He feinted and thrust again.

    “I will trim your beard for trimming my cloak’s mantle,” Edmund teased and closed the distance. “House Crofton? As in the merchant lord and his forge bride?” He locked the obsidian sword between his dagger and rapier. “I was not aware they had a son.”

    “Ah…” The Scarlet Fencer’s brown eyes fixed onto Edmund’s blues as his voice faltered. “There’s a long story about that….”

    “Do tell?” Edmund arched an eyebrow, taking a step forward.

    “Y-yes… it’s….” The Scarlet Fencer flinched as the clock struck on the hour. He swore suddenly and dropped his sword before fleeing into the night.

    “Your blade, my good man!” Edmund yelled as the rapier clattered to the ground. He sheathed his dagger and grabbed the pommel of the black sword. “Nay leave such-ah!” He dropped both swords as the stranger’s pommel seared his hand with intense heat through his leather glove.

    “What ails you, Heir of Westfarland?” One of the prince’s attendants asked as they hastily approached.

    “A mystery…” Edmund mused, rubbing his hand as he glanced down at the obsidian rapier. He smiled as he looked towards the forest where the scarlet-clad stranger had fled. “A curious mystery indeed.”

    1. First off, Claire, love the title! It’s so evocative! The descriptions in this are amazing!

      Oh! You’ve turned the masquerade ball into a tournament! Wicked!

      ~Yet here in this opponent, this “Scarlet Fencer,” he found one more interested in crossing blades and wit than gossip. A refreshing change from the norm.~ All of this-Yes! It paints such a glorious picture into Edmund’s thoughts and personality. He’s much more open-minded than many other people. Also really love the name of Scarlett Fencer.

      Also, I adore that instead of a glass slipper, no one except the Scarlet Fencer can pick up his sword. Wonderful touch! I am curious, however, about how Prince Melburn is going to find the one who dropped the sword if he can’t pick it up. Is he going to perhaps put a call out to all swordsmen and see if they can touch it without being burned? That would be quite interesting to see.

      I could tell that both the Scarlet Fencer and Edmund were enjoying themselves during this little romp. I will be honest and say that I didn’t understand this the first read around because it’s the first read around, and I was very sleepy when I read this. Lol. But I am wholeheartedly ecstatic that I came back around for a second read through because this is really very excellent! I am super seriously excited for more. I can’t wait! Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this.

  8. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    A Blade’s End
    By Jesse Fisher

    The sounds of the battle lay beyond the glimmering hill side as a warrior laid down. Armor pierced, blood running down their body, and a shattered sword handle held loosely in their hand. The eyes followed a figure that had long since left them to this fate. The past played out like a tale told in the taverns when they were but a child who knew nothing of the world and dreams of those who believed them.

    A champion of their lord arrived at the royal blade smiths. Where the champion bore witness to them forging a mystical blade that none could see but could cut anything that was in it’s way. The champion was in awe of the weight of it, the brief moments that the light caught it just right what must have been a magical inscription covered the blade. The champion began to use this weapon as a slayer of enemies to his lord.

    Some would call it the crimson blade of the damn, as the only section where the blood settled from the last fallen foe. The sight of it alone caused many to flee calling the champion a devil to the demon lord that gave them that blade.

    The champion’s pride grew with each victory, the feeling of invincibility drove them to face a challenger that would lead to the champion’s fate.

    The clatter of the weapons filled the air as the two fight each to the back foot, until the champion’s blade cracked before it shattered on a power strike onto the other’s weapon.

    The world began to grow dark for the champion, they could hear the sounds of the battle going quite until nothing was left but a single sparkle before the dark.

    1. KipOfTheMany Avatar
      KipOfTheMany

      Your prose is very poetic. This feels like I’m reading an ancient manuscript, or some epic poem. Which is pretty neat! And if that is the tone you wish to strike, well done! However, the downside to that kind of tone is that it’s difficult to connect to emotionally. I don’t feel anything when the champion dies because I only know what he is, not who he is. Granted, you could also chalk that up to the word limit. Very difficult to make a reader feel for the character in only 350 words.

    2. You have some gorgeous scenery and some very witty word interplay. I am definitely enjoying this continued improvement in your writing, Toa. This very much feels like the champions life flashing before his eyes. Except, in this instance, it is his training or his proudest moment that he sees. It’s really poignant and well written.

      There’s something about the ending line of this story that just really brings a peaceful feeling to mind. I don’t think that the champion regrets any of the decisions he’s made that have brought him to this point. I’m quite sure he would have rather kept battling, but there is an acceptance in what comes next for him.

      The glass sword is very obvious in this case, but I want to focus on how the champion’s pride and confidence grew with every victory. For some reason, this feels like one of those types of situations in which the sword enriches the wielder’s life, thereby strengthening itself. It’s that kind of cycle, if it makes sense.

      ~The past played out like a tale told in the taverns~ This alliteration caught me off guard. Yes.

      Critiques:

      The sounds of the battle lay beyond the glimmering hill side (hillside) as a warrior laid down.

      Where the champion bore witness to them forging a mystical blade that none could see but could cut anything that was in it’s (its) way.

      Some would call it the crimson blade of the damn(ed)

      The clatter of the weapons filled the air as the two fight (fought) each to the back foot,

      The world began to grow dark for the champion(;) they could hear the sounds of the battle going quite (quiet) until nothing was left but a single sparkle before the dark.

      Be mindful of the comma splices. They made this piece a little jarring to read.

      Despite the critiques above, I really enjoyed the story, man. Again, I am very happy and excited that you are improving in your writing. Everything flows quite well in this piece, and you paint some really vivid imagery. I’m very excited to see what comes next. Thank you so very much for posting this.

  9. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    [Removed]

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Kaylie, I couldn’t help but read this in your narration voice, which made it even more awesome than it already was. The emotions in this piece are intense, and the shorter sentences and paragraphs convey that very well. I also like how you flipped the roles of the wolves and the humans, making the “big bad” wolves the saviors while the humans are the real monsters here. Overall, a very well-written piece, Kaylie! Great job!

    2. Beautiful as always! I love how choppy and quick the sentences are, they really add a lot of urgency to this story.

      ||Eyes like arsenic, one of the men saw her—one of those awful men, with the knives and the sneers—wiped the blood off his nose, and started stalking towards her. ||

      I love this description, it’s so simple but so good!

      ||Gaze like glass: sharp, and shattered.||

      Chef’s kiss. This is probably my favourite line in the piece. It’s just great

      ||“Didn’t you know? Big bad wolves in storybooks are monsters. If people know I saved you they might get the wrong idea.”||

      This makes me so excited to learn more about this big bad wolf. He seems like he’s going to be a very interesting character. This was a lot of fun to read, I thoroughly enjoyed it!

    3. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This was a very good story, full of little cool details throughout – an early one being ‘her parents dyed red’, being a little hint on how her still-innocent mindset mentally processes the blood as ‘dye’ even though she surely knows otherwise.

      Thees lines aren’t paired, but they feel like a pair regardless: “It was so cold. Had Night always been this cold?” and “The snow was much harder to run on when running for her life.” They both show a once friendly, softer enviroment, now turned harsh and dangerous in her new perspective. Like the weather itself is conspiring against her, turning on the village just as the attackers have.

      The ‘lucky ones’ lines were a pairing however, and a heartwrenching one too. Because yes, she was lucky to have her parents with her, and for her parents to have her too – but it also meant she got to see them die in a horrible way, and leave her all alone in the world after all. Well, *almost* alone…

      “Eyes like arsenic” – this was a fascinating line for me. Just because, well…what *does* arsenic look like? Especially in the context of eyes? I would love to know, it sounds like an interesting scientific fact is behind this description! ^w^

      Another simple but clever set of lines: “Don’t look. Keep running. She looked.” – Perfectly encapsulates the disconnect between thoughts and instinct, survival over morbid curiosity, even in a dire situation such as this.

      “The man fell into pieces. There was no blade, no bolt of lighting, he just fell apart like he’d been cracked this whole time, waiting to break.” – I just love this line in general. :3 Feels very fixed-timeliney in nature too, making it feel like their sudden destruction was in fact an unstoppable fate that this man was always destined to have. And knowing how the chronal cosmology of your universe works, that’s not exactly far off…

      “A monster stepped through the smoke and snow. No, a wolf” – another very interesting line, just for the insight it gives me about this young (?) girl. It’s like the moment she knew how to define the core being of the creature she saw, they stopped being a monster to her – even though a wolf with antlers and spikes can’t possibly have been something she ever saw in her previous life in the village, and before that too.
      I suppose a monster to her is something impossible to understand or truly define? Or maybe she just instictively *knew* that this entity didn’t hold the same malice within their heart as a monster would – which she is right about, to an extent at least!

      “She touched his nose—” I *adore* how where someone might take the hand of a human saviour, she has to touch his wolfy nose instead. ^w^ It’s so precious and sweet, which is desperately needed after the horror and sadness of the scene so far. <3

      "Didn’t you know? Big bad wolves in storybooks are monsters. If people know I saved you they might get the wrong idea.” This just makes me wonder, how many times did Savion do this? Is this young girl the exception in a vast sea of punishing the evil rather than saving the good, or are there other small lives touched by him at a crucial moment like this, all equally sworn to secrecy? In any case, it was awesome to basically see him 'break character' for the sake of something more important than his act, no matter how much risk that put him in.

      Very good story Kaylie! Wonderful work indeed. <3 <3 <3

    4. Kaylie, Kaylie, Kaylie. I am running out of adjectives and ways in which to express my joy and excitement over reading your stories. I sincerely hope that this is a retelling of Little Red Riding Hood! It would also make sense given that her parents are dyed the color red. Honestly, this is incredibly cute. There’s a lot of death in here, yes, but the ending is so cute. I could 100% see Savion taking on the little girl as an apprentice or him assuming a protective father role of her and him coming back to visit her in the village every so often. He CAN change his form, after all, so that can leave him undetected for a particular amount of time.

      ~Her parents dyed red.~ I understand what this reads as, but there’s also another layer behind it. They were painted the color red while also dying the color red. That’s just so good!

      ~The man fell into pieces. There was no blade, no bolt of lighting, he just fell apart like he’d been cracked this whole time, waiting to break.~ This particular description is incredibly vivid. It left me with a sense of calm, I think because the girl was safe after this. Also, because takes on the breakable quality of glass, as well as we don’t see what kind of attack Savion used to do this particular type of damage. It’s honestly fascinating and amazing and gruesome and awesome! I think it’s even more so because he’s human, and humans don’t usually fall apart that way. Lol.

      ~And heterochromatic eyes. Gaze like glass: sharp, and shattered.~ Just… YES! More instances of glass, that being sharp and shattered. It also gives a bit of a look into Savion’s personality and his psyche. He is indeed a bit mad, but not so much that it hinders the most logical part of his thinking. In a way, it’s a beautiful contradiction given that sharp could be witty and intelligent while shattered can very much mean broken and illogical. But here, madness is under the umbrella of not allowing certain moral inhibitions to hinder. Truly wonderful! I also love that his eyes are two different colors. This could represent different angles at which someone can view him through. Not to mention the fact that the eyes are said to be the windows to the soul. I just imagine two very strong rays of sunlight piercing through two different panes of stained glass windows and showing a different brilliance from each. Another thing in regards to this is that Savion could be seen as his own weapon, so that could very well make HIM the glass sword. Especially because he has taken on the form of a wolf, which I assume is his true form.

      ~Big bad wolves in storybooks are monsters. If people know I saved you they might get the wrong idea.~ This is simultaneously playful and chilling to me. I don’t know why, but it is. It seems as though he is teasing her just a little bit while also warning her for her own betterment. Especially if she goes the route of telling people about it, they will think she cried wolf. Oh! You slick little writer, you! I love it! There is also quite a bit of menace behind it given what he’s just done to the men who were chasing her.

      One of my very favorite things about this story (and that is damned difficult to say because all of this is my favorite story) is that the little girl does not see Savion as a threat because he saved her life. Even though she watched him murder people in front of her very eyes, she is not frightened one iota. And even though she has the knowledge of her parents dying and her village burning to the ground, she still has retained a bit of her child like innocence in the form of trusting someone see deems worthy of that trust. A beautiful case for that is also made in the way that Savion treats her. He could have growled or snarled or been really cruel to her in some way to get her to leave him in peace or to get her to run to the next available village. But he doesn’t do ANY of that. Despite the Deep rumble in his voice and the slight Insanity within his gays, he very calmly tells the little girl about safety and warns her to be careful. This one action could very well push him into anti-hero territory, and I am severely ecstatic about that.

      I seriously don’t know what you want me to do with this outside of praising it. I don’t have to say this, but I’m going to anyway: this is spectacular. I love how this story goes from tragic and gut-wrenching to hopeful and sweet. I love how you can switch and transition so smoothly from one emotional aspect to another. It’s incredibly impressive, and it’s one of the main reasons I always love to read your stories each week. As always, I am super duper stoked to see what you come up with in that big, beautiful brain of yours. I thank you so much for writing and sharing this one.

  10. Nobody’s Weapon
    by Gerrit(Rattus)

    “Don’t you see? With you on our side, nobody could stand in our way!” Genn held Serennia by the shoulders, staring into her eyes with wild aspiration.

    “I’m not going to just be your weapon. Stealing is one thing. I’m not going to kill every noble in the city just because you don’t like them.”

    “This isn’t about me, why can’t you see that? This is about all the poor and dying people on the streets.”

    “I’m not your weapon.” Serennia had spent her entire life running from people who wanted to use her as a means to an end. She wasn’t about to let some streetrat do just that.

    She turned to walk away, to leave Genn sulking in the shadows while she rejoined her friends. He could find a way to overthrow the city without her.

    It only took one step before he grabbed her by the shoulder, spinning her back around to face him. “Why must you be so damn difficult? With your power I could finally have all I’ve ever wanted!”

    There it was. Same as always. “Go fuck yourself.” Serennia had long since had enough of being used by people who didn’t see her as a person.

    A sharp crack echoed through the room as his hand struck her cheek. Memories of Lord Crennel pulsed through her mind, brought to the surface by the rush of pain in her cheek.

    If Serennia stared any deeper into his eyes in the moments that followed, she would have seen the wall behind him. She saw the fire in his eyes, the anger at being denied. Then, in an instant, it was all gone.

    They were replaced with shock, confusion, and pain. He looked down, slow and trembling, at the purple blade that now extended from Serennia’s hand and into his chest. Blood ran down the translucent weapon, dripping onto the ground below.

    Too many times in the past she had taken lives out of fear, because she was given no other choice. For once, it felt good to take one just because it felt right.

    1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      I love this!!

      This story exhibits such a powerful juxtaposition. Here we have Serennia, who’s very down to earth, who cares mostly about survival, and Genn, who speaks in lofty ideals, and cares about them and himself. It makes a piece which is already very dynamic more so!!

      I’m generally not one to particularly like swearing but TF folks always seem to use it expertly, because Serennia’s “go fuck yourself” was probably my favorite part XD It’s the culmination of that juxtaposition. She’s speaking on his level at first, then she just blows his lofty desires and ideals out of the water with that simple vulgar little phrase.

      “A sharp crack echoed through the room as his hand struck her cheek. Memories of Lord Crennel pulsed through her mind, brought to the surface by the rush of pain in her cheek.”
      –This is great. I mean, not great that it’s happening, but it’s great writing. I love how you used it, not just to show the action, but also a memory, and it makes me very intrigued about her past.

      “She saw the fire in his eyes, the anger at being denied. Then, in an instant, it was all gone.
      They were replaced with shock, confusion, and pain. He looked down, slow and trembling, at the purple blade that now extended from Serennia’s hand and into his chest. Blood ran down the translucent weapon, dripping onto the ground below”
      –I really like how you let us be just as shocked as he is at what’s happening.
      You’re very good at describing action!! I like how you show the effects of the action first. You show the sound of the crack against her cheek, and the emotion in his eyes before we see the action that caused either. I think it’s extremely effective!!

      Love the ending!! I don’t know if you intended this but it’s especially cool because it completes that juxtaposition–she usually kills for survival, and this time she kills for what some might call a lofty ideal: because it felt right. It’s a powerful place to end it on.

      My only critique, and it’s a nitpick, would be “If Serennia stared any deeper into his eyes in the moments that followed, she would have seen the wall behind him.” This is basically, if she stared any deeper into his eyes she would see *through* him…correct? I actually really like that image, and I like its uniqueness…but it’s *so* unique that I think it’s very hard to convey that idea properly. I had to reread it multiple times.

      Awesome job!!

    2. Always be wary of the weapon you want to wield, it could just as easily come back to hurt you. At least that’s what I’m getting from this.
      I like Serennia as a character. Just her refusal to be used as someone else’s tool, she comes off as very powerful and her own woman. And, while I can see why Genn would want to employ her services, I’m just not seeing what she gets out of it. I suppose, maybe Genn might have enough clout in this world’s underworld that he just expects others to work for him, but he really should have taken the hint. If Serennia’s skilled enough to use her to take what you want, she’s also skilled enough that she could take the same from you.
      It was nice to see him get his comeuppance after slapping her.
      Anyway, enjoyable story. I liked it.

    3. Rattus, I love this title. It SCREAMS defiance. And what a story that follows it! I am ALWAYS down for characters finding their power and their voices! This is incredibly tense from start to finish, and it is so damn cathartic.

      Honestly, everything about this is incredibly straightforward. The glass sword here is the literal knife she uses to stab him. If we want to go metaphorical, then the glass sword is her reaching her limit of dealing with scumbags. She is sharp and unforgiving in her delivery, and she’s strong-willed as hell.

      I appreciate that you give us a bit of her history and why she comes to the decision she does in the end. At some point, everybody gets sick and tired of being sick and tired. It can be a frightening yet humbling experience when you finally take your stand, but ancients, is it freeing!

      Everything in the story is masterfully done. I do appreciate that you’re not afraid to get violent, but you do it tactfully. It’s not there for the simple sake of glorifying it. I also really love how Serennia gave him the opportunity to keep his life by attempting to walk away. It shows that she isn’t unreasonable and she is not without her morals. She just got sick of being a pawn, and I don’t blame her. I’m actually quite proud of her.

      I sincerely don’t have any critiques for the story other than it’s too short, and I want more of it. Lol. I am excited and stoked to see what you post next. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this.

  11. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    Rationalizing (Students of the DiamondBridge Academy universe)
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    Acting Principal Nicklescribe unlocked the office door, flicking on the lights. The large desk taking up the majority of the room was mostly obscured by a mess of papers. He set down his briefcase and moved to sit in the black leather chair, paused, then remained standing.

    Even after three months, it still felt wrong.

    There was only one decoration Nicklescribe had added to the room when the office became his: a small diamond-shaped mirror on a stand, directed at the chair. He picked it up, adjusting the angle so he could best see himself, and subconsciously ran a hand through his pitch black hair.

    “I’m doing it all wrong, aren’t I?” he whispered at his reflection. “Zandryth didn’t want change, but I do, and everyone else does. Right?”

    In the mirror, his head nodded. His pure black eyes seemed to glow in the reflection.

    “But I have to do what he wanted. Stability’s the third word in the school motto.” A pause. “And I KNOW it more directly translates to ‘consistency’ but either way, I can’t change anything. He’ll hate us.”

    His reflection raised an eyebrow.

    Nicklescribe scoffed and replaced the mirror on the desk. It immediately tipped over and tumbled into the seat of the chair, the point of the frame tapping against a drawer of the desk.

    He slowly opened the drawer, then quickly slammed it shut.

    “No. No, I can’t dare do that. He turned it down every time.”

    He paused, as if waiting for a response. The mirror’s reflective face was pointed at the chair.

    “And, even if I do it, it’ll ruin everything! The whole school could fall apart! I achieve the goal for all of five minutes, then everything implodes!”

    He picked up the mirror, trying again to place it where it belonged. It fell again, this time directly on top of the cluster of papers covered in scribbled pen, the top page titled, “Teaching a Class on Thievery and Stealth: Possible Lesson Plans.”

    “…Well, in comparison…” Nicklescribe slid back the chair and sat down, “creating another fitness class doesn’t sound that bad.”

    1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Ooooh I really like this, Carrie!!

      You seem to have a knack for villains nervously and half-sanely talking to themselves and I love it!!

      “Even after three months, it still felt wrong.”
      –I don’t know if I can pinpoint exactly why, but I really like this line!! I think it might be because it’s such a great way to introduce the story and get us intrigued.

      “I’m doing it all wrong, aren’t I?” he whispered at his reflection. “Zandryth didn’t want change, but I do, and everyone else does. Right?”
      –Love this. I’ve read a few TF stories with characters talking to themselves lately and it can sometimes feel clunky, but this is great, and I love the way it begins. It’s clear from the beginning that he’s conflicted, and trying to convince himself. This first line feels like a summary of the piece as a whole.

      “Stability’s the third word in the school motto.” A pause. “And I KNOW it more directly translates to ‘consistency’ but either way, I can’t change anything.”
      –I love this. You are so good at these sorts of little world details that make everything richer and more grounded and real. It makes it truly feel like a school and him feel like a principal.

      “He slowly opened the drawer, then quickly slammed it shut.
      “No. No, I can’t dare do that. He turned it down every time.”
      –I really like this action here. Also conveys his conflicted and nervous nature.

      “Teaching a Class on Thievery and Stealth: Possible Lesson Plans.
      “…Well, in comparison…” Nicklescribe slid back the chair and sat down, “creating another fitness class doesn’t sound that bad.”
      –…I think he’s supposed to be a villain…but I’m ready to sign up for this class XD
      I love this ending!! I love, and find it slightly hilarious, that he rationalizes it into another fitness class!! XD Like I wanna read about the assembly where he introduces it Him: We have a new fitness class…
      Students: Ughhhh
      Him: Thievery and Stealth!!
      Some students: Oh? *Eyes emoji*
      Others: How is that a fitness class though?
      Others: *Runs through the classroom knocking everyone down so they can get to the sign ups*
      XD

      I’m curious who this mysterious “he” is…The old headmaster? Some other evil master he currently serves?

      I’m also very curious if the mirror is a magic mirror, or if this is all just him. I feel like the fact that that’s not clear is very intentional!!

      It’s a bit hard to tell where things ended here. It seems like inside the drawer was an option much worse, and he decided upon the lesser evil, but something that’s still evil. I’m curious why that class is all that evil though XD Or maybe I’m reading too much into things because, if I remember correctly, you said in the private chat something about a villain.

      I sorta get Danganronpa vibes from this story!!

      I actually really like the way you used the prompt!! If I understand correctly, the glass sword is the mirror? I don’t think it’s that big of a stretch, it still fits, and is a very clever and unique use of it!! I wish I’d thought of it!!

      Great job!!

    2. Carrie, I really truly adore the double use of this mirror. It is his reflection, but his reflection is also sentient. I got chills while reading it. Also, you could have easily given the sentient reflection the ability to talk, but I’m so glad you went for the silent, cunning archetype. I promise you it is not explored enough. It also makes a great back and forth for Nicklescribe with himself.

      It feels very much like the mirror is playing devil’s advocate here. It senses Nicklescribe’s misgivings and trepidation, so it nudges him towards an easier route. I will say that I applaud his steadfastness because there is a lot of pressure, it seems, to surpass his predecessor in a way. He could definitely take the more scummy, underhanded direction, but he chooses to forgo that and take the moral high road. It really speaks volumes to his character. Also, I love his name. It’s just so fun to say.

      The glass sword in the story could easily be the mirror, but I believe that it’s more the way in which Nicklescribe is having doubts. That push and pull between doing what’s easy and more beneficial as opposed to doing what’s morally correct and just. How long this particular mindset will last as anybody’s guess, however.

      This is a very intriguing character reflection, absolute pun intended. I really appreciate the look inside his head and how he feels the weight and pressure of being the principal, as well as seeming to carry around a lot of guilt that he has the position in the first place. And of course, there is the nagging anxiety and insecurity that is he will not be able to fulfill that role as principal and live up to the one that came before him. Honestly, it’s all so good, and I am so happy that I took the time to read this!

      Seriously I don’t have any critiques other than this is too short, and I want more. Lol. I can’t wait to see what comes next. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this.

  12. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    A Candle Against The Sky (Corespace Universe)
    By Calliope Rannis

    “Thought I’d find you here.”

    Clev looked away from the wires and mechanics he had been analysing for the last hour. He saw Ember nearby, casually leaning against a railing of Emergence Station’s docking bay.

    “I can’t say I’m surprised,” Ember continued, “but is examining Cindy really the only thing you want to do with your time? We can’t stay long.”

    “Uh- that’s not our ship’s name.”

    “Well I’d like it to be. We don’t need to keep the old name, in fact we really should change it considering its stolen and all-”

    Clev made a worried noise and shushed her, looking worriedly around him.

    “What? Oh come on Clev, it’s not like security can listen to every single conversation.”

    “Can’t they?” He said in a strained whisper.

    Ember’s face softened in realisation. She went over to Clev, crouching down close beside him. “It’s going to be okay. Really.” She said quietly. “I know everything must be a lot for you. You aren’t used to this kind of stress, I get it. But we already did the hard part, eh?” She smiled reassuringly. “We just have to keep moving, and nobody’s gonna find us. Yeah?”

    Clev’s face was still strained, his hands clenched tightly together. Turning back towards their ship, he said “The Diamondlight is incredible. Just as Astra said. I thought installing a FTL drive into a light spacecraft this small would be impossible.”

    He looked down. “But my examination has exposed many weaknesses. The shielding is much weaker, several standard safety modules are absent…I can’t even find backup systems for power or life support.”

    He turned back to Ember. “This ship is unsafe. Extremely unsafe. If something goes wrong mid-flight, we’ll die.” His lip quivered a little.

    Ember held her smile. “Well, then I guess we’ll have to make sure nothing goes wrong then, won’t we? I’m a good pilot, and you’re a very good engineer. I think we can manage.” She looked back upon the ship that they had invested so much stress and risk into, and sighed. Why were beautiful things always so dangerous to touch?

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Calliope, this is a very well-written piece. I really like how you wrote the dialogue between Clev and Ember. They’re both very fun characters to listen to. I’m not 100% familiar with the Corespace Universe, and I can’t say for certain if I’ve met these characters before, but that didn’t hinder my enjoyment of the piece in the slightest. Great job, Calliope!

    2. This was really well done! The dialogue was great, you did a good job of making it feel natural. I love the relationship between these two as well, it seems really fun and playful. I’m looking forward to reading more in this universe and getting to learn more about these interesting characters.

    3. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Oooh fun!! We haven’t got to see our main Corespace trio for very many of these prompts so it’s fun to learn more about them!!

      “but is examining Cindy really the only thing you want to do with your time? We can’t stay long.”
      “Uh- that’s not our ship’s name.”
      “Well I’d like it to be. We don’t need to keep the old name, in fact we really should change it considering its stolen and all-”
      Clev made a worried noise and shushed her, looking worriedly around him.”
      –This was my favorite interaction!!
      Firstly I thought at first that Cindy was a person and Clev was being sleezy at first and was glad to hear that she was a ship XD And then I think it’s hilarious that that’s what Ember wants the name to be. Not something mystical and grandiose just…Cindy XD If I remember correctly, she likes to personify/humanize the ships she pilots? So maybe giving the ship a very human name is her way of doing that here?
      And then I also love that it’s stolen and Clev is worried about that getting out. The interaction’s very fun.

      “The Diamondlight is incredible. Just as Astra said. I thought installing a FTL drive into a light spacecraft this small would be impossible.”
      –Are they the first to do this? Did one of them create this technology?

      “Well, then I guess we’ll have to make sure nothing goes wrong then, won’t we?”
      — I love it XD This is sweet and encouraging, reckless and terrifying, and shows a lot about Ember’s character all in one line!!

      I feel like I got to see much more of Clev’s character in this too!! He and Ember seem pretty opposite. Clev seems very nervous and cautious, maybe even anxious, where Ember seems very Han-Solo: “Is that even possible?” “I never ask that question till after I’ve done it.” XD

      “Why were beautiful things always so dangerous to touch?”
      –Can’t decide if I absolutely love this or…once again, think this is too on the nose XD I really really like the sentiment, and, once again, I think it has to do with Ember personifying/humanizing the ship(?) But it’s also a very poetic and prompt-related note to end the story on.

      That being said, I feel like the prompt comes through in a few different ways here? Which I like. The ship itself is powerful but very breakable. The technology is the same way, it seems. When I first started reading and was looking for the prompt I thought Clev might be a glass sword himself–a very talented engineer, but someone who has a nervous personality? (I might be reading too much into the nervousness here–he has every right to be nervous in this particular situation, regardless if that’s his normal personality XD) Perhaps Ember has a little Glass-Sword-ness to her too in the fact that she seems like a very put together and powerful fighter, but she also has a softness to her that the last sentence shows?

      Also, I absolutely love that title?? I’m sure it’s a reference for something I’m not getting, but I just think it’s really cool.

      My main critique for this story would be, I feel like I’m missing the larger setting. Not every story needs it, and the importance of it is the ship, of course. But without knowing *where* their ship currently is makes lines like the one about security listening in on every conversation…not necessarily confusing, but hard to place? Like I can’t tell if they’re on a planet, about to get off, and the security of the planet can hear them, if they’re flying around and the security can hear them within the ship, if they’re on a different planet from where they left, if this security is on one planet or spans across the universe…I’m not sure if I’m explaining this well? We know they’re on the ship but it’d be helpful to know where the *ship* is, if that makes sense.

      Great story!!

    4. KipOfTheMany Avatar
      KipOfTheMany

      This is so sweet Calliope! I enjoy Ember’s arc in this scene. She starts out trying to bush off Clev’s fears, but then she realizes that his fears run deeper than she thought. She has to meet him where he’s at, and she does. It’s a fantastic “show-don’t-tell” way to show how close these characters are.

    5. Love this title, Calliope. It’s so vivid, and it brings to mind so many different things. I like to think that the candle in the sky represents a beacon of hope for these two.

      I really enjoy the relationship between Clev and Ember. It’s a very deeply rooted friendship, but it also feels like siblings. I think it is very sweet. There’s also a balance between the two of them, what would their personality on almost complete opposite sides of the spectrum.

      Ember feels like the more outgoing of the two. She seems as though she doesn’t hold onto much from the past, and she’s not afraid of having a little bit of fun and loosening up. But she’s also emotionally intelligent and very aware of Clev’s feelings.

      Clev, on the other hand, is quite pragmatic. He is a worrier and definitely a rule follower. He is definitely more sentimental than Ember and has a harder time letting go of things that he deems important or valuable from an emotional standpoint. Poor baby also needs a hug because anxiety. Despite all of his misgivings, there is a touch of optimism there. It’s just buried DEEP down.

      It’s interesting because the glass sword is a bit of an oxymoron. Glass can be fragile while a sword would indicate strength. I say that both Clev and Ember together are the sword. Clev has deeper sensibilities and cares a lot more, which can be seen as weakness, but can also be a strength in some of the most dire situations. Ember is very much the emotionally stronger of the two, however her more guarded demeanor would suggest that she’s a bit more difficult to approach or see, like tinted glass.

      I really love your take on this one. It’s so much fun and so sweet. It’s also very lovely to see some of the old melding with some of the new. And it also shows that we don’t have to sacrifice everything from who we were to become who we’re going to be. Brava! I certainly can’t wait to see what you come up with next. Thank you so much for posting this.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *