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155 responses to “Writing Group: Conquered By Nature”

1. 

   NictheGreat

   April 24, 2022

   Conquered by Nature
   The Great Guardian of the Forest

   Nick was lying in the grass with his friends in the woods, taking in the view of the clouds and sun gliding by. It was a cool summer day with the colorful birds chirping, and the sound of wind crashing against the leaves on the trees. Otto was playing the guitar for Flara, while Sam and Veladinsa were having a picnic. Nick was about to drift off to sleep when he heard a noise. It sounded like someone was walking through the woods, crunching leaves with every step.

   “Who’s there?” Nick called out. There was no answer.

   Otto, Flara, Sam, and Veladinsa all stopped what they were doing and looked around, trying to see who was there.

   “I don’t see anyone,” Otto said.

   “Me neither,” Flara said.

   “Maybe it’s the Guardian of the Forest, Adzotl,” Sam said. “Everyone knows he protects these woods.”

   “I don’t know,” Nick said. “But whoever it is, they’re getting closer.”

   Just then, a large creature stepped out from behind the trees. It was Adzotl, the Guardian of the forest!

   “What are you doing in my forest?” Adzotl asked.

   Adzotl stood there with his tree-like appearance with his ancient worn-out staff in his hand staring down at the team in anger and disgust.

   “We’re just relaxing,” Nick said. “We didn’t mean to disturb you.”

   “You humans are always coming into my forest and disturbing the peace,” Adzotl said. “I’m tired of it! You’re all going to leave now and never come back!”

   Adzotl used his staff to create a tree-like barrier wall around the forest blocking Nick and his friends out of the forest.

   “What about our things?” Otto asked.

   “You won’t be needing them where you’re going,” Adzotl said.

   And with that, Nick and his friends were forced out of the Forest by Adzotl, never to return again. They had been conquered by nature.

   “Well, that’s great,” said Veladinsa angered “We’ve been kicked out of the forest. AGAIN!”

   “Welp, time to call Animatrolis to tell his friend to let us back in the forest,” said Nick puling out his phone

   Reply
2. 

   Petra Snyder

   April 17, 2022

   I realized I wanted to make a private entry instead. Sorry for the inconvenience.

   Reply
3. 

   LenneLenni

   April 9, 2022

   Thank you
   by LenneLenni

   “Hm? Where’d everyone go?” Five-year-old, Jessy Whimston, looked around for her parents. They had been riding on the Ferris Wheel when she fell asleep on her mother’s lap. Rubbing her eyes, she looked outside the window of the ride, to find the amusement park covered in trees and grass.

   Her eyes widened like saucers when she saw how high up she was stuck high in the air! She started grasping around for her mother’s hand before remembering she was all alone up there. Tears started forming in her eyes as she remembered her mother was gone.

   She looked around for a way to get out when she saw the door. Since the contraption was no longer moving, she decided to take the risk and see if the door would be open too. Just in luck, the door slowly creaked open as she pushed it little by little. Unfortunately for her, her luck had just run out.

   As she was pushing and pushing and pushing, she began to fall, forwards. She tried to topple backward to save herself from certain death, but she hit something as she fell. She stood up abruptly, holding and trying to touch her back in pain. That’s when the carriage began to move again. But, much, much, faster than before.

   She looked for anything, something to grab onto to avoid falling forwards. There was nothing in sight. So, she decided to take the best chance she got at survival. Jump out when it was at its lowest. She steeled herself for the rough fall, but nothing could compare to the pain she felt when she scraped her leg while falling.

   She cried out in shock as she watched blood drip down from her leg. She sobbed just by looking at it and tried to crawl towards something that could help her, anything! Just then, vines started creeping towards her from all sides. She screamed and tried to wiggle out of their grasp.

   She just wasn’t strong enough. As the vines began to move around her injured leg, she felt her body go limp in the vine’s firm hold. Her vision filckered in and out as she felt her leg tingling with a warm, crackly pop! She soon collapsed and lost all track of what was happening after that.

   “Dear! Dear! Wake up!” Someone shook Jessy up. Jessy cried as she remembered what was happening and shot up immediately. She looked around and saw her mother and father with her on the ferris wheel. She rubbed her eyes in astonishment as she saw them again.

   She lept forward to hug her father across from her, when her mother held her tight. “Nuh-uh! You still have to hug me little baby girl!” She hugged Jessy and kissed her head all over. The ride began to stop and they all got off, with Jessy in her mother’s hands.

   “Ahhh, nature is super magical!” Jessy exclaimed with a grin on her face. Her parents nodded and chuckled at her little comment. Although, all Jessy could think of was… Thank you!

   Reply
   1. 

      Lunabear

      April 13, 2022

      This is an interesting take on the prompt, Lenne. The classic dreamscape story.

      Lots of good visuals and action. I wonder what happens to the vine once it disappears? Does it goes inside of her leg? Is it a part of her now? Did it just go away?

      I also like the dynamic between Jessy and her mom. I wonder what she’s like with her dad.

      This isn’t eligible to be read on stream because it exceeds the word count, but I’m definitely glad you shared it.

      I’m curious as to what happens to Jessy after this, though. How or if the dream affects her going forward. I wonder if she’s going to relive it. Definitely please keep writing. I’m excited to see what you post next. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this.

      Reply
   2. 

      Hastaw

      April 14, 2022

      I love this story. It has a storybook feel to it, with the suspense and action. The way you incorporate the forestry with the park really allows you to comprehend where this story takes place.

      Jessy perfectly captures the little kid type of persona, and the weird disconnect you have with reality at that age.

      I especially appreciate the role the parents take in here. When Jessy said,”Ahhh, nature is super magical!” The parents laughed, which made it real. Five year olds wouldn’t understand that nobody knows what happened in the dream.

      The tone in her dream makes the writing at the end kinda harsh, which didn’t show in her face when she woke up. I don’t really understand that. Great story, overall.

      Reply
4. 

   Haelamon

   April 9, 2022

   Long Since Lost
   By: Hael Amon

   Stone-like monoliths, long since eroded and breaking mar a horizon adorned with a setting sun. The tops have crumbled unevenly birthing hands grasping for the heavens. Abandoned by what they reach for.

   On a closer look the cracks and fissures of a once pristine surface are dotted with green and brown. Vines, roots, and wood with their gnarled surfaces like a constrictor squeezing its prey as they crush and erode the great columns that upheld once mighty towers.

   A skyscraper collapses. The strain of nature too much for the manmade construct to bear. As its pillars collapse in on themselves the tower falls lopsidedly with not one large sound, but that of a rain heavier than any nature could conceive. Great billows of dust rise one might even see a flash of white amongst the browns, greens, and grays.

   As the dust falls, the white is once more revealed. Skeletons. Two of them, with a third and fourth to the side. Half buried in dust, dirt, and rubble the skeletons paint a picture of untold age. Their brown stained bones in misery of failure. One skeleton, with ribs crushed and spine in two, faces a second, smaller skeleton. The smaller skeleton with not a scratch but its skull being smashed like a small, fragile egg.

   Just before the skeleton covering their child, a monstrously massive skeleton lay; bigger than a bear the canine skeleton’s claws, even in death, rake the protective skeleton’s wide pelvis. The behemoth bones’ skull is pierced through with jagged edges lining the singular hole.

   The final skeleton lies off to the side, no damage mars its aged bones. Collapsed on the ground in the shape of the one who fell, it’s only comfort a rusted rifle just in hands reach. A mere few more rusted metal rounds within.

   Scenes of such skeletons, telling stories of loss and despair litter the lost city in all corners. As the forests close in, as the plants crumple concrete like paper. All while a small, green plant growing in the skull of a long since dead child.

   Reply
   1. 

      Amaunator

      April 9, 2022

      I like your imagery, however, I think you can make the way you describe it a bit crisper. Let me give you an example:

      You have this: “Stone-like monoliths, long since eroded and breaking mar a horizon adorned with a setting sun. The tops have crumbled unevenly birthing hands grasping for the heavens. Abandoned by what they reach for.”

      My suggestion would be: “Broken, eroded towers mar the horizon, catching the light of the setting sun. Crumbling stony monoliths grasp for the heavens, their uneven tops abandoned by what they reach for.”

      Personally, I’m still not very satisfied with this, but I stuck as close to your wording as possible, because you do use good words. But notice how I changed “stone-like” to “stony”, and “unevenly” to “uneven”. I think it flows better that way. I am sad to lose the word “birthing”, however.

      In general, I turned the sentences around. They felt a bit convoluted the way you wrote them. Writing convoluted phrases well is very difficult – also, not very in vogue I believe – but it can be done. Until you can, it’s best to err on the side of clarity.

      Also, “abandoned by what they reach for”, notice how I attached it to the last sentence? It needs to be, otherwise it is not a full sentence. But I’m not even sure what you mean by that. Did the heavens abandon them? Is it a metaphor for the gods abandoning the people who lived there? Or is it a comment on how those towers sought to reach for the stars, how that people wanted to live high above the ground, yet their intentions failed and now it all comes crashing back to earth? Either would be great, but in this case it might be just a tad too subtle or too vague. Subtle is good, vague is less so. You can keep it subtle if you give just one more hint somewhere else in this paragraph or another one.

      While I like the image that you are trying to convey, a parent desperately shielding its child from a predator. But it sounds very clinical, almost like you’re describing a crime scene: this here, that there, the corpses arrayed in this way. It felt a bit dispassionate to me. Also, in the final paragraph you say: “Scenes of such skeletons, telling stories of loss and despair litter the lost city in all corners.”

      What you could have done is put this sentence earlier (and without “such”), before describing the “crime scene”, and then giving a few examples of such scenes, of which this is only one.

      I’m intrigued to see what you write next!

      Reply
   2. 

      Hastaw

      April 14, 2022

      The thing about this, it feels kinda old. I love that. You can be there and experience this place. It has an abundance of character, and you captured that within one paragraph.

      To be honest, the first thing that I saw in your story was ”skeleton” and I thought I was gonna get a “looming monster” kinda story. I did, in a different way.

      You created a story of people who don’t exist in real life or story, which connected me to that world even more. The skeletons being ravaged by Father Time and Mother Nature was another monster added to the story. Ya know, other than the real one attacking people.

      You have strong vocabulary. However the way you use it got me confused. It intrigued me, also. I love this story, and have a million more things I could add to this comment, but it’s a bit long-winded as is.

      Reply
5. 

   KINGDOM

   April 8, 2022

   Conquered by Nature.
   By KINGDOM

   “It’s funny,” he once said to me, in that deep gruff voice of his, “when all is said and done it’ll all fall, it’s all meaningless in the eyes of time.”

   I had been sceptical at the time; I wasn’t ready to believe. A few years later when Igor passed on I sadly felt very little, we had long walked separate paths since the war. I put the cause down to the difficulty of remaining friends with a man when all that binds you is violence and trauma.

   Now the dull grey shell of a helicopter greeted me, the blades angrily chopping away at the air, making it bleed. The pilot barely noticed me, he was a machine, trained to ferry his passengers to their grave.

   The fiery world passed under me, a hell I knew well, ruled by the cruel gods. They have no mercy on those whose days of blood are in the past. Not in a hundred years did I think I would be back, in the midst of the blood. The same lands I had helped liberate years ago, through bloodshed and loss… I was now giving it into the hands of the men who we had taken it from.

   My god of war was waiting my arrival, he had name, a name that makes my tongue bleed… Sergeant Doyle.

   He was grinning from ear to ear, “Didn’t think I’d see you back here, I was under the impression war is for men, not cowards.”

   I grimaced, struggling to bite back my rage; the bastard now outranked me. Whatever rank there was no hiding his blackened, scarred face. He was a monster, and he had been the one who had put my name in the list, the list of who to recall to war.

   I spat on the floor, finally unable to resist, “As an old friend once put it, everything will fall to ruin, that includes both this war, and you.”

   Doyle smirked, unwavering “At least I get something out of this war, you lay down your life for nothing, now why do you think that is?”

   “Human nature. We fight to enslave a nation we once fought to free, all for greed and power, all to feed the darkest parts of ourselves. We may be the conquerors, but our demons have conquered us. ”

   He was speechless…

   Reply
   1. 

      Amaunator

      April 8, 2022

      I get a very strong “Heart of Darkness” vibe from reading this. I can feel the pain and the depression of the protagonist. I feel you could have gone into it with a stronger sense of reliving the trauma, while at the moment the protagonist feels more apathetic than triggered.

      Nevertheless, these lines were extremely good: A few years later Igor passed on, and I sadly felt very little, as we had long walked separate paths since the war. I personally put the cause down to the difficulty of remaining friends with a man, when all that bonds you is violence and trauma.

      I think you could have done without the comma before “when”, however, and that it should be “binds” instead of “bonds”. Technically they can mean the same, but bonding with someone happens in the present, but if it happened in the past, then you are bound, and then that bond binds you.

      The greatest shame of all, however, is that you went over the word count. If you don’t mean to be read on Twitch, then that’s fine, of course, but if you did, then you should probably cut it a little!

      Reply
      1. 

         KINGDOM

         April 8, 2022

         Thanks for the response. I cut it as much as I could, shaved off around 100 words, it reads more smoothly now. I unfortunately can’t seem to take it down any more, without losing the feel.

         Reply
         1. 

            Amaunator

            April 8, 2022

            Ah, that sucks. I had a hell of a time my first time as well. You’ll get better at either cutting it, or stumbling upon an idea that’s just the right size. I try to undershoot before I overshoot.

            Reply
   2. 

      Lunabear

      April 8, 2022

      This story is incredibly morbid and philosophical, Kingdom. It’s also got kind of like a Gothic Renaissance feel to it with a modern flair. It’s interesting.

      I like the ruminations of the main character a lot. It feels very much like a dramatic play without an audience, if that makes sense.

      I like the different sides that the main character and Doyle stand on. They’re both disillusioned in a way. The main character is very much aware of the horrors and is melancholy and downtrodden and just wants to be done with it all. He’s very pessimistic. Doyle, on the other hand, embraces the violence and the fight and the action of it all. I get the impression that he is not a man that takes well to standing still and doing nothing.

      He may even have reenlisted the main character to outrank him but also to have a familiar face alongside him. He definitely enjoys belittling him. In that way, he seems insecure.

      Also, I like that the main character is not sad over Igor dying, but he recognizes that. He also says that he is not more sad because they had parted ways earlier and hadn’t really spoken since. I think that’s a kind of territory that not a lot of people explore. Maybe that could be part of his disillusionment.

      I was trying to see if I could discern any deeper meaning from the conversation, but I think you made it pretty obvious what it’s about. Stating things plainly is not a bad thing at all. I was just curious if there was any subtext.

      Now the dull grey shell of a helicopter greeted me, the blades angrily chopping away at the air, making it bleed. (I really love this imagery.)

      Critiques:

      You forgot to put your name underneath your title.

      The maximum word limit is 350.

      There are also a few places where commas are not needed, in my opinion. They disrupt the flow of some of the sentences.

      Please take these critiques with a grain of salt. I really like your story. It definitely creates a sadder, more resident thinkpiece and atmosphere. For some reason, I definitely saw a red sky choked out by black clouds. I think this store is going to stick with me for a while just because of its tone and atmosphere. I do hope you keep writing. Your story is quite intriguing, and you seem to have your own style. I do wish you the best of luck in finding your own stride here with the writing group. Whittling a story down to 350 words at most is very difficult to do on the best of days.

      I don’t recall seeing any stories from you before, but if this is indeed your first time submitting, then congratulations. I wholeheartedly look forward to more of your stories. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this.

      Reply
      1. 

         KINGDOM

         April 8, 2022

         Thank you, it is my first time submitting. Thank you so much for your feedback, it’s great to know that my writing came across as I intended it. Thanks you the helpful advice, I completly agree with you, I struggle a bit when it comes to commas :).

         Reply
   3. 

      Aracnarquista

      April 8, 2022

      So, it seems like I read the story after the first (an perhaps only) trim to shave off some words and get closer to the limit, so that’s the version I’m commenting on (also, although I saw the other version posted before, I haven’t really had the time to read it, so I just have knowledge of this one).

      I really like the feel and the whole tone you set for this story. I really think the conversation, the lingering past and the depressing present-future of war is very well-weaved in. And the way you used the prompt was very interesting. Being quite honest, I usually don’t like war-themed stories, since they have a tendency to shoot either for the epic (worst possible case, in my opinion) or for the melodramatic (which just isn’t my thing), and I was really surprised how you not only managed to avoid both, but presented a good case for another voice in war – tired and delusioned, yet still processing and analyzing it all from inside. This is an interesting take, and the conversation with all the context presented in it and out of it shows it very well.

      And knowing you trimmed around 100 words and still got such a coherent and concise story – well, I praise your editing skills, my friend. Here’s hoping to see more of your writing in the future!

      Reply
      1. 

         KINGDOM

         April 9, 2022

         Thank you so much!

         Reply
6. 

   Makokam

   April 8, 2022

   His Nature (Chronicles of The Dragon)
   By Makokam

   Jostica sat sideways on the couch with her legs thrown over Thomas’ lap. “Luckily the whole box didn’t catch fire or I would have been in REAL trouble.”

   Thomas laughed. “I bet!” I can’t believe you got away with it as is.” He chuckled and said, “Reminds me of-” He stopped and looked away. “Or-” he started, and stopped just as quickly. He coughed. “Uh, never mind.”

   Jostica leaned into the back of the couch. “What is it?”

   Thomas opened his mouth and sighed. “You make me want to say things that would make you hate me.”

   Jostica straightened and leaned in. “What do you mean?”

   Thomas thought for a moment. “How much do you know about me?”

   Jostica chewed on her lip. “After months of working with you, I think I know you pretty well. But of your past… I think I know more about Shockwave than I do Thomas Herrner.

   He grimaced. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by that.” He ran his fingers through his hair and after a moment said, “One of the things I keep wanting to tell you about is something I’m really proud of, but also really ashamed of.”

   Jostica nodded for him to continue.

   “So you know I worked with The Tank a lot? Well, we were best friends in high-school. A perfect Brains & Brawn duo. Even before high-school was over he was a BIG dude. By the end of it he was a monster. I think he was seven-foot-ten? He could lift over a ton. And he was tough, but he wasn’t like, bullet proof tough. So-” Thomas laughed “So I built him his armor because I thought it’d be cool. He could have been a high level bodyguard or enforcer for some mob boss, but I turned him into a genuine super villain. That suit has been giving heroes problems for fifteen years. One of the most impressive things I’ve ever made…” He sighed. “But I wish I’d never built it.”

   “Well…” Jostica said, “I think the greatest thing you ever built is your new life as a hero.”

   Reply
   1. 

      Tamela Redfin

      April 8, 2022

      Great story overall. Thanks for the tag. 🙂

      Reply
      1. 

         Makokam

         April 8, 2022

         Thank you for the comment. Glad you liked it.

         Reply
   2. 

      Arith_Winterfell

      April 8, 2022

      This is an interesting story, but its structure strikes me as a little lopsided. The story spends a great deal of time building up to the next to the last paragraph, then we have the reveal. But the lead up feels like it doesn’t add as much to the story as the reveal itself does. It’s kind of like the reveal paragraph is the whole key story and the stuff before it is just a long sort of build up tease. I ended up wanting more as if the reveal paragraph could’ve been the beginning and the story itself would be more about his feelings and conflict over creating the armor, along side with Jostica’s encouragement on his decision to become a hero. In fact, one thing you could’ve done was explore in what ways she was proud of him despite the thing he is ashamed and proud over. While the rest of the story explores his internal conflict over his feelings (which I guess the build us sort of does.)

      It’s a good story, but I was left feeling like I wanted much more to build out of the reveal instead of the long build up to the reveal. Then again, this is all gut feeling for me, and may not really reflect things as they stand. It’s just a vague feeling about the story. Maybe its just the word limit cutting off what would have been a longer story. I don’t know. Just know it was an enjoyable story, and the issue I’m criticizing is really a big desire to learn more! So the story was really good given the word limit, and I only wish there was more to experience. It is a good story!

      Reply
      1. 

         Makokam

         April 8, 2022

         I can’t really argue with any of that. A year and a half and I’m still not great at framing my stories. I really wanted to start with their talking, her sharing stories about her learning magic, and him talking about his past…but he was a teenage shit-bag. A brilliant one, but still a shit-bag. Who went into a life of super-crime. Not really the sort of stuff you want to tell you new (kinda) straight-edge friend who he’s supposed be, well, leading to some degree.

         But then I had to build to his story/confession. Or at least get Jostica to pry it out of him…but prying is a process. And how do I show him reluctant regretful of his past without…showing that? Maybe I could have done timeskips or something? And then I have to have him tell his story…which already got cut down like, three times… so I could make room for Jostica’s …affirmation?

         I dunno. You’re not wrong, but I don’t know how I could have told it better.

         Reply
   3. 

      C. M. Weller

      April 8, 2022

      Aaaw. So sweet a final line 😀

      Either Jostica’s got over her brother [I wanna say brother? I forget the name and the exact relationship. The monstrous type she used to be emotionally involved with. My brain is like a seive…] or not found him again.

      OR I could be messing timelines and universes up. I do that too.

      I do like that the mistakes of the past don’t seem to haunt these people. They can make amends. There’s something about society as we know it that wants to punish one mistake for a lifetime. Nice to see that that’s not so in this world.

      Reply
      1. 

         Makokam

         April 8, 2022

         Happy you liked it!

         I wouldn’t say she “got over” her brother. But while I can’t say for sure when this takes place, Jostica has at least encountered her brother again, if not reunited with him, by this point.

         As for him being able to redeem and rebrand himself… It helps that he uncovered some really dark and conspiratorial shit that saved a bunch of people. And that’s what lead to his current “community service” position to prove himself as reformed.

         Jostica and Thomas are fun because they’re kind of a yin-yang, with him being tech and she magic.

         Reply
   4. 

      Lunabear

      April 8, 2022

      I like the conversation, Makokam. It’s a more subdued and mellow side of these characters. I do appreciate the development in their relationship. They do feel more relaxed around each other.

      Thomas’ proudest moment also being his lowest moment given hindsight is a nice touch. Also that of him inadvertently creating his own villain is something I don’t see too often.

      Jostica’s reassurance at the end is also very sweet. It shows how encouraging she is while also giving us a peek into how Thomas has always wanted to do good with his choices and decisions having positive and negative consequences. Very well done and nice, easy read.

      Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this one. I can’t wait to see what you post next.

      Reply
      1. 

         Makokam

         April 8, 2022

         Thank you thank you!

         I loved this idea so much, but just couldn’t give it the time it deserved.

         Once again something I really need to expand on…when I expand all these little scenes into a full book. Somehow.

         Reply
   5. 

      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      April 8, 2022

      “Luckily the whole box didn’t catch fire or I would have been in REAL trouble.”
      –What an opener!

      “Reminds me of-” He stopped and looked away. “Or-” he started, and stopped just as quickly. He coughed. “Uh, never mind.”
      -Hahaha I love all his stops and starts so much. I’ve rarely hard someone actually use the stops and starts consciously in the dialogue tags to such great effect.
      It’s so cute to imagine this ex-villain getting all flustered around the girl he likes.

      “But of your past… I think I know more about Shockwave than I do Thomas Herrner.”
      –Does she mean Thomas Herrner as just him as a person, or did he go by his real name as a villain? Or was he never a true supervillain?

      I really love Thomas’ story at the end. It’s both an interesting story, and the way he tells it has a lot of character. It engaged me right away.
      It’s a very neat, interesting, and a little bit scary, idea that something he made for a childhood friend became the hallmark of a super villain. I feel like that’s true of all of us a bit..we never know what repercussions the things we make and do will have later on.
      Also, I’m just imagining him hearing news reports about the heroes struggling with the armor and he both being like “oh no” and also secretly very proud of himself XD

      And I love that last line so much. It takes it to a deeper place.
      It’s also neat how Thomas sees a tangible thing as one of the most impressive things he ever built, and Jostica sees something more emotional and relational as the most impressive thing he “built.”
      And I would say, I think she’s right.

      Lovely story!! These two are always wonderful to read about

      Reply
   6. 

      Marx

      April 8, 2022

      “My brother hears voices in his head telling him to kill people, and he’s turned into a giant dragon and wrecked a third world country killing literally more people than I can count. And I still care about him and we hang out at Christmas and stuff, so I think you’re good, my dude.”

      Lol no, seriously though, I did like this story. I think it’s so realistic that when you were in a bad point in your life that there would be things that you’re still proud about even if they’re technically bad things. It’s a very human deal. We’re complicated and good and bad just isn’t that simple.

      That said, you built the armor, bro. Surely there are some kinks or things that could be exploited that you could be telling the heroes so dude isn’t so big of a problem. Unless Thomas actively doesn’t want to betray his friend by doing that, which would make the morality of that situation even messier.

      I do ship this couple though. They do just come across as really wholesome which can be hard to get across without it being cheesy, and you always do a great job with that sort of thing. Awesome story!

      Reply
   7. 

      Josie

      April 8, 2022

      Hee! T&J moment.

      I love that besides this being fantasy, it’s very realistic in the interaction and dialogue between friends.

      I ship it. Hard. 😝

      You can’t change your past but you /can/ learn from it!

      Reply
   8. 

      Amaunator

      April 8, 2022

      I agree with Arith that you probably tried to get too much into this flash fiction format and that a lot of it is “spilling over the sides”. I wouldn’t say that that’s a bad thing, really. The writing group is supposed to whet your appetite for more writing, and it can serve as a stepping stone to writing way more than 350 words. I hope it did that for you in spades, Makokam :).

      That being said, you write really well. I don’t know your universe well enough to remember all the characters, but I have read a little about Jostica before. I don’t remember, however, if her character is internally consistent with her previous showing. But it might be something you could test yourself on: go back to previous submissions or texts with Jostica in it, and see if she really is the same character.

      Because I didn’t know it very well, I was also a bit confused about the Shockwave/Thomas Herrner thing. Is that his super alias?

      Luckily, “The Tank” needed no explanation.

      I think you could have separated the penultimate paragraph, starting a new one at “He could have been a high level bodyguard…”
      That is also where I would imagine the character taking a breath, if only mentally. He was reminiscing, only to then abruptly, and painfully fall into the present.

      Two small things: I’m an archaic, fusty fuddy-duddy, so I’m not very fond of capitalising whole words. I like to think that sentence position and framing can set words apart well enough to give it the same inclination, oomph or gravitas as full capitalisation does, without also looking like the character was yelling.

      I’m not over-fond of the word “chuckle” either. It reminds me of Goofy, like a very cartoonish, unnatural kind of laughing. Luckily you only used it once ;).

      Otherwise, really well written piece. I just hope you saved the extra text that you had to cut for the word count ;).

      Reply
7. 

   Amaunator

   April 7, 2022

   The Queen of Heaven
   by Joris Lemoine (aka. Amaunator)

   Inanna decided to take a break from the city. It was just as well; the markets and avenues sweltered with busy bodies. Instead, she wandered off from the sparkling brick walls, glazed in turqoise, ochre and ferric red.

   First she walked by the riverside, only to be met by horseflies, fowl and musthy buffaloes. She swatted them all away and left the sun’s glimmer on the watercourse behind.

   Then she strolled by the fields with their carefully kept drills and canals, the one oozing with algae and spawn and the other crisscrossed by an early rising of jade green shoots. Crickets, voles and cats scurried and furorred about in that undergrowth. She quieted them with a look, but thought better of it as she moved towards the edge of the forest. Let beasts be beasts, she sighed.

   Tamarisk and juniper trees played in the perfumes wafting from the date orchards. At a wellspring she seated herself on a stone. She breathed in the paean of chirrups, gurgling water and whistling leaves that shimmered in the golden sunlight, and she breathed out her cares.

   A gazelle stepped into a ray of light that clave the canopy. Its ears flicked while its black tail trembled, held erect. Then, hoof by hoof, the sleek brown thing approached Inanna and laid its head on her lap. Enthroned on her stone, she had a firmer grasp on the fawn than ever she had had on her congregation. Solitary bees buzzed, nuzzling wildflowers.

   As she mused on her worries, a low growl set the fawn’s tail a-quiver again. She stilled it and gave her beneficent smile to the lion that stalked into her bower. He was an old male with a frayed mane and a scar-riddled snout. At her beckon, it sat by her side and started licking its chops. There she drowsed, cool water lapping at her sandaled feet. None would ever think to find her there, far away from her usual trappings. Not even Dumuzi. It amused her, and she let the rhythm of the savage outdoors take her out of her own mind.

   Reply
   1. 

      Lunabear

      April 8, 2022

      First off, Amunator, I absolutely adore your descriptions. They are completely immersive and honestly put me right in the middle of this beautiful scene with Inanna. It feels very much like you lovingly and carefully picked each word to write before posting. Outstanding.

      The overall vibe is incredibly peaceful and quiet. It’s heartwarming and a magnificently beautiful escape. Inanna seems very soft-spoken and sweet, but she displays immense power in her command of the animals. I’m not sure if this was intentional, but I definitely feel as though she is similar to Jesus Christ in many ways. The way she carries herself and how she handles the animals and she sits on a rock which is referred to as a throne, and her sandaled feet near a running body of water. It’s Not a bad thing by any means, and it’s quite subtle.

      I don’t recall having read anything by you in the group before, but I did take a bit of a hiatus, so I may have missed something. However, this is a wonderful story. I’m very curious as to who Dumuzi is. You definitely put a lot of imagery in this to show the prompt. And instead of nature conquering her, she conquers it, which is a lovely subversion.

      Honestly, the imagery is definitely going to stick with me for a very long time. It’s just so vivid and powerful and tranquil. I am super excited to see what you post next. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this.

      Reply
      1. 

         Amaunator

         April 8, 2022

         Hey Lunabear, thanks for the high praise. I’m blushing pink now :).

         I went way over the word count, so I had to make everything more compact, and every word was truly weighed twice over. This prompt was not easy! The previous ones were a lot easier for me to find an idea for.

         I’ve only been writing for the writing group since last month. I don’t know how long of a hiatus you’ve taken, but that’s probably why you’ve never read anything by me before. Though luckily I did get read last week on Twitch. Yay!

         Inanna and Dumuzi are gods of ancient Mesopotamia, roughly equivalent to Aphrodite/Venus and Dionysus/Bacchus. Inanna is actually a city goddess more than she is a nature goddess. It is why she thought it funny that nobody would look for her in a wild grove. And while she does conquer nature or natural things – after all, she is a goddess – what I tried to convey was that nature’s bliss conquered her, or at least her cares and worries. She surrendered to nature.

         Reply
   2. 

      KINGDOM

      April 8, 2022

      Amunator well done on building your world, it drew me in from the first paragraph. Vivid and refreshing. Inanna seems to be an intresting character, and I certainly want to hear more about Dumuzi.

      Overall well done, I am exited to read more.

      Reply
      1. 

         Amaunator

         April 12, 2022

         Thanks, Kingdom :). I’m afraid, I won’t be writing any more about them. I have far too many other stories to write out, first :D.

         Reply
   3. 

      VanGrim

      April 8, 2022

      I thoroughly enjoyed this story. All those desriptions were beautifully done and let the story breath. I really could pircture the scen. Thanks for the story.

      Reply
      1. 

         Amaunator

         April 12, 2022

         And you for the compliments, VanGrim. Be well! 🙂

         Reply
   4. 

      Adrian Solorio

      April 12, 2022

      Yo! Alright, at the end of this piece I was wondering who Inanna was, then I saw your reply to Luna, and I smiled. I’m very much fascinated by the Mesopotamians and that period in history. With that in mind, I reread the piece again and it gave me a better appreciation for it.

      I think you did great with the descriptions, but in particular the specificity of the animals and plants. Especially with the tamirsk and juniper trees. Trees are something we often forget to name, at least I do.

      As far as critique, and this probably doesn’t apply, depending on your aim and also with the word count consideration, but maybe a little more conflict sprinkled in could have added dimension to the narrative. But, honestly, you’d probably have to write a bit more to add that and do the story justice. A longer story wouldn’t be a bad thing. I’d love to read more about this character and world, Joris 😉

      Reply
      1. 

         Amaunator

         April 12, 2022

         Hey Adrian! Thanks for reading it twice! I’m glad my comment gave you a different perspective. I didn’t really have the words to put the phrase “god” or “Mesopotamia” in there. Besides, how often in your everyday life do you go thinking “Oh, I’m in right now, I feel so today!” 😀

         I left a few clues: their names, the baked clay adorning the walls, and the kinds of trees/plants/animals (though I must admit the research on that was superficial, but enough for 350-word flash fiction ;)).

         Biology and botany don’t really come easily to me, but I like to take note of individual species, because every tree and plant and animal has their own energy, I feel. You cannot feel the same way – if you feel at all about seeing a tree, plant or animal – about a willow tree as you do about an oak tree, or a plane tree, or a cherry tree. Each has its own spirit. It requires a bit more effort – and frankly, I wish there were better tools for finding out the ecology of certain biomes in specific parts of the world -, but I think it’s worth it. I’m glad you did too :).

         And yeah, very little conflict. I tried to imply that she was fleeing conflict, so it is there. There is a thread to pull on there, but I’ll admit it’s quite slim. Instead I tried to focus on the magical reality aspects of the story. Sadly, I’ll not be doing any more with these characters. I’d feel compelled to do a mythological deep-dive into the Sumerian/Akkadian/Assyrian pantheons, myths and cultures to do it justice. I’d love to, but other stories demand my attention for now :D.

         Thanks again for the praise, and keep writing!

         Reply
8. 

   Matthew R Wright

   April 7, 2022

   THE WORD
   By Matthew R. Wright

   The problem was staring him right in his mud-washed rural face. The greatest thing to happen to him or his small country village, and he couldn’t share it, with anyone.

   It was something. Budding flowers of various colours framed the aged stone back-wall of his cottage like a portrait. Green vines weaved and twisted across and along the surface of the wall like brushstrokes on canvas.

   It produced what Buk could only describe as THE WORD.

   Buk was a man of simple thinking, most would ask questions in a moment like this, Buk had one, what next?

   He recognised it as something ‘not-everyday’, knew it he been designed, somehow. He knew that neither he nor anyone he knew had made it. This was something else.

   Buk liked folks, they liked him for the most part. If Buk were to share this natural miracle, he would be giving everyone permission to hate him.

   The problem centred around sharing, sharing THE WORD.

   Could bring a friend round, describe it in a letter or on the telephone, take a picture. It was important that whoever saw it knew that Buk had not been the one to make it.

   If only it had been some other word.

   Buk stared at it, the awe-inspiring beauty of the illusion and the whiplash of seeing the vines form THAT WORD.

   Problematic

   It’d gotten dark. he’d spent the whole evening staring at his back-wall. But from that came a solution.

   Fire

   He found his old Polaroid in the attic, took a snapshot of the wall. One day he’d look back with confused interest. First, hide THE WORD, from the world.

   They would have just jumped to conclusions.

   Careful to not burn down his cottage, Buk placed small dabs of gasoline across the canvas, struck the match, and watched in terrored amazement as the fire consumed.

   It burned all night.

   He reflected back to the fire, to the wall, to the events that followed. Had he made the right choice?

   He remembered the wall, THE WORD.

   Fire was the only sensible option.

   Buk was a man of simple thinking.

   Reply
   1. 

      Lunabear

      April 7, 2022

      I love how the first paragraph hooks the reader, Matthew. A nice mystery. So from this, I assume that the word is nature, hence the vines growing out of it and Buk wanting to use fire on it.

      The light touches of horror mixed with the mystery throughout helps the reader stay engaged. Unfortunately, because the mystery is not revealed, it feels like there’s no payoff. But please take that with a grain of salt because I love it when the mystery is revealed because I enjoy discovering things. So, that is completely my preference.

      This actually feels like a horror short. I am definitely getting Creepshow vibes from this, if you’ve ever seen that show. It’s an anthology series with different vignettes written by Stephen King. It’s really fun.

      Green vines weaved and twisted across and along the surface of the wall like brushstrokes on canvas. (Man, this is such strong imagery!)

      Critiques:

      He recognised it as something ‘not-everyday’, knew it he been designed, somehow. (the phrasing here is a bit confusing. It feels like there’s an extra word that does not belong.)

      It’d gotten dark. (H)e’d spent the whole evening staring at his back-wall.

      This is definitely an intriguing story. I do like the way you tell stories. This is the first story by you that I’ve personally read that I can recall, so I’m glad I got to read it. I do hope you continue to share with us. Thank you so much for posting this. I can’t wait to see what you write next time.

      Reply
      1. 

         Matthew R Wright

         April 8, 2022

         Thank you for your comments. I’m really glad you enjoyed the piece. I agree with the criticisms you made and have tried to edit my piece but I’m struggling to get the edit button to appear.

         Reply
   2. 

      C. M. Weller

      April 8, 2022

      Vine: Grows.
      Human: Has pareidolia and recognises something they think is naughty
      Vine: …
      Human: “It must BURN!”

      Humans are insane. I can just imagine a right-winger having this exact reaction if their houseplant suddenly resembled something profane/heretical/left-wing. They crow when they see their chosen deity in the toast, but if anything else happens? It literally has to burn.

      I like this story XD

      Reply
      1. 

         Matthew R Wright

         April 8, 2022

         pareidolia! That’s how it’s spelt. THANK YOU! Was trying to remember how to spelt that bloody thing as I was writing the piece but couldn’t get it right. Thanks. Also, thank you for enjoying the story, humans are insane aren’t we?

         Reply
   3. 

      Adrian Solorio

      April 8, 2022

      Good, good stuff, Matthew. You had me hooked right from the opening paragraph. You led us along with questions. I loved your descriptions and also the mysteriousness of this word on the wall. I really enjoyed this piece. Thanks for sharing, keep up the good work!

      Reply
      1. 

         Matthew R. Wright

         April 9, 2022

         Thank you for the nice comments. Means a lot.

         Reply
   4. 

      Amaunator

      April 8, 2022

      I don’t know why, but I had quite a bit of déja vu with this story… Also, I checked. That’s 350 words, all right :D.

      Reply
      1. 

         Matthew R Wright

         April 9, 2022

         It’s definitely 350, yeah. Kept checking and rewording what started out as a 581 word story until it it the word count. Took some time. I like the final result (except for the uneditable spelling errors unfortunately).

         Reply
9. 

   Ethyn

   April 7, 2022

   The book of tree people
   By: Ethyn

   In the wake of the great blooming, there was a man, this was the man who started our society “the wise one.” after getting his leg torn open because he was running from a pack of wolves. The wise one searched and searched for medicine of the old world to help the agonizing pain. Unable to find any of the hard to renew medicine he decided to take a nap, he must have been thinking to himself that the nap might make him skip time to his death, because with a wound that bad there was no way he’d survive.

   He dreamt of a terrifying dream of maggots eating his wound, but in this dream he found safety in the ways of nature. He awoke and the purple moss that comes out once every year healed his wound completely. Amazed, the wise one set out to learn as much as he could about nature. He studied and wrote all the amazing knowledge he learned in his journal. The more he learned the more he built his home up from a simple campfire into a castle. After his return to the soil, he left his book for our people to find.

   The people who found it were amazed at how effective the knowledge in the book was in todays world. And with references to the great tree people, they named the book the book of the tree people. Our colony grew rapidly after finding the book. And then once every year. On the anniversary of the wise ones death. The purple moss comes out. And brings us new knowledge.

   Reply
   1. 

      Adrian Solorio

      April 7, 2022

      Hi Ethyn! This is an interesting premise you’re giving us here. We have a story being told from an unknown narrator who’s telling about the founding of their society. It seems kind like a religious/mythical tale of a peoples’ founding, or at least that’s kinda what I was reminded of. Like, that old dude could have been the peoples’ version of Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, what have you. He even left a book with secrets that they revere. If I was to offer a critique, this was all summary (telling). A little more showing would have added some spice. Good job though! Keep writing 🙂

      Reply
   2. 

      KINGDOM

      April 8, 2022

      This is an intresting piece, good concept. I like the mystery and aura surrounding the man, it helps draw me in a lot. One thing that bugged me though was the pacing, there’s just something a little off about it, it’s a bit abstract. I don’t know if this was intentional, but overall well done.

      Reply
   3. 

      Amaunator

      April 8, 2022

      I agree with the others that the content is interesting, but the form is a bit off. If I had to write this idea, a societal founding myth, then I would probably cast it in a didactic light: the narrator might be named or not, but he would not be talking to us, but to children of the tribe/family, telling them this myth. This would also allow for dialogue or interaction. It might also help with the pacing, because depending on the age of the listeners, the narrator might have to speed up or slow down, or repeat himself, stressing something important. The way the narrator tells it might also have been more conversational, more dynamic.

      Some more in-depth comments:
      “In the wake of the great blooming, there was a man, this was the man who started our society “the wise one.” after getting his leg torn open because he was running from a pack of wolves. The wise one searched and searched for medicine of the old world to help the agonizing pain.”
      That second sentence is missing a capital letter on its first word, and it’s not connected to a main phrase. In this way it almost sounds like an afterthought.

      A possible solution:
      In the wake of the great blooming, there was a man, a great man, a wise one. He started our society. (Once upon a time a/) A pack of wolves was after him; they had torn open his leg. He ran away, and the wise one searched for old world medicine to still the agonizing pain.

      “He dreamt of a terrifying dream of maggots eating his wound, but in this dream he found safety in the ways of nature.”
      You use the word/root “dream” three times in this one sentence. There are ways of doing this, by using cadence and rhyme in poetry, but this is prose, and pure repetition doesn’t flow very well this way.

      A possible solution:
      In a terrifying nightmare, maggots gnawed his wounded flesh, but even as he dreamt, he found safety in the ways of nature.

      “And with references to the great tree people, they named the book the book of the tree people.”
      I have a feeling that this sentence needs to be far more important than it currently is. What is the connection between the “wise one” and the “great tree people”? Was he one of them? Or is that the name of the society that found his book? Or were they of a previous time?

      “And then once every year. On the anniversary of the wise ones death. The purple moss comes out. And brings us new knowledge.”
      This is one sentence. You don’t need full stops here, just a comma here or there:
      And then once every year, on the anniversary of the wise one’s death, the purple moss comes out and brings us new knowledge.

      This last sentence is also why I felt that this story would be more powerful if you had a narrator who was in dialogue with his listeners. I understand that you wanted to separate these parts out to give them more weight, but that just doesn’t work grammatically. And you can only rarely get away with fragmentary sentences. Not even the best writers can make it work very well, I feel.

      But you can have sentence fragments in dialogue. Which is why that would probably have worked much better for your story.

      Keep writing!

      Reply
   4. 

      LenneLenni

      April 9, 2022

      Hii! I saw your story and decided I loved it! But there was one thing that kept attacking me while I was reading this. It just felt so fast-paced and rushed! I think you could put a bit more context on what’s happening. Unless it was intentional of course! Hehe.

      Reply
10. 

    Taehl

    April 7, 2022

    Human Nature (a tale from Gaea)
    by Taehl

    The ruins still stand, 300 years after their abandonment. Humanity colonized several places, naming this one New London due to the river reminding them of one they left behind. Their Thames had long been dammed by debris from a once-great bridge, turning the ruins into marshland. The bizarre flora and fauna of Gaea were slowly but inexorably reclaiming this transformed place – nesting in walls, swimming through flooded tunnels, gliding between buildings, and growing vibrantly from every seam and crack in the monolithic stone landscape.

    A figure stood on one of the roofs. They could be mistaken for a short, cute human (albeit clad in an improbable collection of brightly-colored scarves), but this Faerie and their kind are natives. They contemplated the ruins, wondering why humans saw fit to change the land into this.

    Ancient humans were clearly capable of flight – why else had they made their buildings incredibly tall? It’s said they first came down from the sky, and how would they be in the sky if they couldn’t fly? Did they fall out of the Tree like feeble hatchlings falling from their nest, hit the ground, and immediately build mountains? That makes even less sense. No, humans must have flown. They just seem to have forgotten how since then.

    Yet, most of their towering structures had a curious lack of balconies or other air-accessible entrances, instead opting for staircases. This building’s staircase was filled with the echoes of someone cursing while climbing through the rubble. “I thought you said… It was easy to get up here!” a human voice called out in Abcedan.

    “It’s just one jump!”

    “You could have… Carried my backpack,” he panted.

    “You should bring less stuff, not make me carry it.”

    “I need this gear, getting around is hard work if you can’t fly!”

    “Fuka! Always complaining! You really want me to move your stuff? Fine. Bye!”

    “What-”

    The human was gone – unharmed, but finding themselves back in the wilderness. This wasn’t the first time they had that argument, but perhaps it would be the last.

    Reply
    1. 

       Lunabear

       April 7, 2022

       Very cool, Taehl. Another decimation of humanity story. I do enjoy the speculation of the fairy about what the older humans were like. How they got around and what they did. It’s no surprise that she would come to the conclusion that they flew everywhere simply because she herself is capable of flight. It’s also funny because she doesn’t have the context for how humans flew.

       I am very curious about the human. How did they end up together? Did she rescue him from the wilderness? Did he find his way out of it? Are there more humans like him somewhere? What are their chances of survival in this new world? I’m asking out of curiosity; it does not in any way deter from the story you have shared.

       Fuka is interesting. At first, I thought it might be the name of the human, however, I believe it is the fairies expression of an explicative. Which I think is really cool, and it shows some fun facets of your world-building. I’m definitely intrigued by your story, especially the history of it. I do hope you write more from this particular universe or timeline. It sounds like it’s a part of a very large, immersive world.

       Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this. I cannot wait to see what you post next.

       Reply
       1. 

          Taehl

          April 9, 2022

          Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it. There’s lots more to explore in Gaea. 🙂

          There are still enough humans around that they’re not at risk of going extinct, but they no longer vastly outnumber the natives. They’re down, but not out. Losing their population and technology pretty much forced them to communicate and cooperate with the natives to survive, eventually resulting in a human-fae pidgin language called Abcedan.

          “Fuka” is a loanword from humanity – a good all-purpose expletive (nice job picking up on that). The colonists’ ancestors were a mix of people from industrialized nations who happened to be living on Earth’s moon when it came time to evacuate. Having enough English and Russian speakers working (and swearing) together in a cramped environment, the words “fuck” and “сука” ended up merging into “fuka”, a curse word that was every bit as versatile as its roots.

          Reply
    2. 

       Aracnarquista

       April 8, 2022

       Well, since I had weaved some comments to the tale over in the Discord, there is little I could add now. Anyway, as said before, I really liked the overall idea and the scenario presented. Your descriptions are really interesting, and the fairy’s considerations on humans are very clever. Keep writing! Maybe there is some more of Gaea you can present us in the next weeks!

       Reply
    3. 

       Amaunator

       April 8, 2022

       This is so cool! It actually puts me in mind of a trailer for a game I saw a while back (Forever Skies).

       Just one note: “I need this gear, getting around is hard work if you can’t fly!”
       Technically, the second sentence is a run-on. You should probably change the comma into a full stop.

       I usually don’t feel too bad when I nitpick, but I really do this time. I just have nothing else to say. Great job!

       Reply
       1. 

          Taehl

          April 9, 2022

          Neat, first time I’ve heard of Forever Skies! Looks like it has great potential. I hope it turns out good when it’s released.

          One classic video game, in particular, has had a lot of influence on Gaea… If I share enough stories, it may or may not become obvious before long. 🙂

          Reply
11. 

    Calliope Rannis

    April 6, 2022

    The Broken Wheel Turns Once More (Mary’s Story)
    By Calliope Rannis

    “Oh Mary, don’t be scared.”

    Sometimes, when her mood darkened, Mary would remember the voice of her father, as much as she tried to forget him.

    “You need not fear pain, or disease, or even the torment of ageing anymore.”

    In that, he had been right. For over two years, she hadn’t felt what she had once known as pain, and no disease could touch her anymore. In that time, she had feared that even her time itself had stalled.

    “I have taken them all away.”

    Yes, he had. By feeding her a poison so toxic and pervasive, that it had not only killed her, but everything inside her too. So that when he reanimated her, she would not decay…

    “Now, you are free to live.”

    Until he took her freedom away too, that is.

    But things had changed. She had escaped, and she had made sure that he wouldn’t follow. She had walked the woods again, she had found her mother’s house again, she had reconnected to nature again.

    And now…

    Mary peeled away the clothes from her chest, and forced herself to look down, no matter how much she might hate what she saw.

    There, nestled within the valleys of old scars, was something new. A mottling of sorts. New spots on dead skin. A spreading of darkness on what had once been pale white.

    Mould. Mildew. Rot. The things her poisoned body was made to repel, and yet here it was, only a couple of years late.

    Mary stared at it for a while.

    She should be horrified, right? She knew that if she could see this, then this was just the surface. That there was far more growing beneath her skin, spreading across her body, eating her away.

    But to her surprise, she didn’t. She didn’t feel worried, or even sad. She felt more at peace than she had been in years.

    Because now, she knew there was a part of her that breathed. And if she had to embrace Time again, to reconnect with the world and all its life…she’d make that choice every time.

    Reply
    1. 

       Aracnarquista

       April 6, 2022

       Well, last week I found out I loved the character of Mary, and the fondness I feel for her keeps growing.

       I love that you took decay as the symbol for nature here, and turned it into a connection with life and the world life inhabits.

       Aside from the powerful whole of the story, some very interesting things are left to wonder here (though they might have already been answered in your other stories, I imagine): that poison might have been something – perhaps there is even some metaphorical truth to it almost killing time in her.

       On that note, time being a kind of secondary theme or even character here is really well-done. Great story!

       Reply
    2. 

       Arith_Winterfell

       April 7, 2022

       This story is surprisingly beautiful, Calliope! Yes it deals with rot and decay, things that disturb people much of the time. Yet here it brings Mary a sense of peace and acceptance, perhaps in the future even of transformation. Its really interesting to me, especially since I find such interest in necromancy and stuff, that you explored her undead state as specifically tied to stasis against time, and how her beginning to rot is explored as a return to the passage of time is really fascinating to me. In addition to this its interesting the elements of body horror and body acceptance. In today’s world we frequently worry about the judgements of others about our body. Mary’s terrifying exploration of her body’s decay, and peaceful acceptance of what the world would see as ugliness is a powerful metaphor about body acceptance in today’s world too. A really well done story!

       Reply
12. 

    Aracnarquista

    April 6, 2022

    Impermanence
    by Aracnarquista

    The Grand Necropolis is lost. There is a sad irony in its ruin. We had seen the downfall of so many civilizations, but only my sight bear witness to our end.

    Gnarled wood breaks the stones that house the bones of our most celebrated dignitaries. Vines dangle where once our banners stood proud. The sun searches through our dilapidated tunnels for places where it has not shone in millennia, finally laid bare for the stars to touch.

    For a moment, frozen memorialized history escapes our records, before dissipating and dissolving in the air…

    No masonry, no politics, no magic… nothing could stop the flow of time. We thought we could at least stop decay, and preserve our accomplishments, our history. In our sacred death, we thought we could stave off that other death, the final one. The void where memory is lost. But we could not stop time from acting on us, and around us.

    Great nations rose against our intent, claiming us an unnatural abomination. Despite our pacific ways, we defended ourselves. We would not have the world suffer from the lack of our grandeur. By the inexorable march of time, peace came, when no other civilization could mettle with us. When none remained, but us.

    Time, that capricious ally and enemy, would bring about our downfall. The desire not to be forgotten fed our existence, but even the dead grew weary. It was our pride to stave off forgetfulness. Our science, our philosophy… that was not to be lost. So many others, gone before their time, only survived in our memories and records…

    Still, none of us remains, save for me. And I will soon stop, and forget. I can feel the flowers growing inside me. Flowers and fungi are the first to come. Then grass, vines. Trees.

    In the long time they take, I observe their growth. The trees that grew out of the record hall seem so still, but in a geological time frame, I can see them dancing.

    I’m glad the trees broke the ceiling. Changing skies will be my last vision.

    Reply
    1. 

       Matheus Ribeiro de Assis

       April 6, 2022

       Some weeks ago I commentend on one of your stories questioning if you draw inspiration from buddhism, and now it repeats again. It seems that you perfectly caught the idea of Anicca (impermanence), even death is not free from it, also it touches in the idea of Dukka that is the unsatisfactory feeling because nothing lasts or is enough.

       Reply
       1. 

          Aracnarquista

          April 6, 2022

          Thanks for the comment. I’m glad it seemed to convey the idea so well!
          I remember that comment, and perhaps there is something lingering from that conversation here that helped aim the inspiration on this one. I had a lot of different ideas on how to approach the prompt, but almost all of them had a central thing of dealing with impermanence (I guess that’s how I understand that way-too-vast and yet way-too-nebulous concept of nature). In the end, only this concept seemed to go somewhere, and more and more I found myself draw to being more overt about the theme. This time, some buddhist concepts were a more conscious choice.

          Reply
    2. 

       Taehl

       April 7, 2022

       Very nice, I’m especially fond of the visual details you paint between the interaction of nature and architecture, like those vines replacing the banners.

       Unsure if the narrator is some kind of nostalgic lich or an interred corpse that’s remarking on the state of its mausoleum… But either makes for a neat point of view, so in my humble opinion, that doesn’t really need clarifying.

       Tone is nice and consistent, and it may just be me, but I think the word choice helps suggest that the narrator used to be a noble, scholar, poet, or someone else who may have done more verbal labor than physical.

       Reply
       1. 

          Aracnarquista

          April 8, 2022

          Thanks for the comment! I really appreciate the feedback.
          Usually, there are some elements of the story that I prefer just to imply, and let the reader build up some possibilities – the nature of the narrator is something like that here. He is part of this society that for all intents and purposes are undead, but the means and specificity of what kind of undead and how they achieve their state is not the crux of the matter.
          I’m glad that the effect of an erudite narrator was conveyed. I usually struggle in keeping it consistent through the whole piece, but I’m very satisfied on this one!

          Reply
13. 

    Matheus Ribeiro de Assis

    April 6, 2022

    Nature is not always green
    By Matheus Ribeiro

    “Ok, it’s almost 01:00 P.M. and I’ve got to write this prose for Tale Foundry, but how? I’m not too much of a nature person, how can I draw inspiration from all this green stuff and silly nature witch talk?”

    “Why do you always associate nature with green?”

    I almost fell to my right, I was startled by this voice, even though it was delicate like a crystal. When I looked to my left, I saw this girl floating by my side. She had blond wavy hair down to her waist, blue eyes and a long dress that changed its color from white to blue. There was mist up to her lower leg and crystals sparked all around her.

    “What?!” I screamed, I was totally confused, scared (and enchanted).

    “I noticed you thinking about writing a prose on nature, then I showed up to remind you that nature is not only about green landscapes and all that hectic life forms. It ‘s also about me, winter!”

    “Wait… you manifested in human form just to speak to me?”

    “Why not? You were always fond of me in your heart. I’m your favorite season and now that you have a chance to demonstrate your gratitude for all the good feelings and sensations I provoke in you, you forgot me.”

    “Are you jealous?…”

    “Maybe! It’s not only you, everyone forgets who is responsible for healing the earth and giving rest, everyone thinks of death when they remember me, I make stupid humans interrupt their wars, I make people remember to care for each other, my snow replenishes and nurtures the soil while animals take a break from consuming… in reality, I’m the one who conquers death!”

    “It’s true, I’m sorry. I’ll write about you, thank you for showing up to me in this form, in truth, you conquer not only death, but also my heart.”

    And with a smile the winter avatar was enshrouded by mist and sparkling crystals, leaving only her sweet memory behind. Maybe she will appear again someday.

    Reply
    1. 

       Aracnarquista

       April 6, 2022

       Guess she will appear again in something like nine months. Seasons tend to do it (and now that I think of it, strange coincidence in timing).

       I liked the writing, although the mixture of the self-referential frame and personification is not something I particularly enjoy (but that’s a matter of taste). I see it helps to put all the discussion you weaved in story from (and I really enjoyed the discussion, the considerations…). Also, the inversion of considering winter as a conqueror of death (and hearts… and, as we are dealing with the English language here, maybe one could also say of hearths as well!) is quite interesting and well-done.

       I’m really curious on the choice of taking an entire paragraph to describe the winter avatar. I’d suggest trying a different way to do it – weaving metaphor and a sense of winter-associated ideas rather than the very literal colors and components you went for. Perhaps that would help to keep the description a little bit more open and a little bit more fantastical.

       Anyway, it was a very nice story/discussion. Keep on writing!

       Reply
    2. 

       Amaunator

       April 8, 2022

       This was very different from everyone else’s submissions. Different isn’t always good or better, but it’s definitely great here. I think you posted something similar a while back, no? You’re growing your own voice, it’s clear. Keep writing, because I sure want to know where this goes.

       Reply
14. 

    Lunabear

    April 6, 2022

    Hunter and Prey (A Song for: Kit)
    by Lunabear (Private Repost)

    No iron bars.

    The stars had never looked more clear, more beautiful. Her heightened sight caught far off streaks and the brightest lights miles above her.

    No chains.

    A breeze’s featherlight kiss chased over her abused skin. It tangled within her hair and gently swayed the hem of her white sunflower dress.

    Clean, FRESH air.

    How long had it been since she’d felt this?

    Her eyes stung with the encroachment of hated tears. Such weakness. Her bottom lip quivered. Her fangs bit into the sensitive flesh but just as quickly released their painful pinch.

    She clamped her hands against her silent chest, trembling from her unseen conflict. The tears clung to the precipice of her lower lashes. She lifted her nose to the sky, sniffing for his scent. She scanned the distant horizon and lingered over the tall grasses.

    ‘He isn’t here,’ she mentally assured herself. ‘For now, you’re safe.’

    Her Maker wasn’t there.

    Her head tipped back, and she smiled to the heavens. Relief caused a waterfall of tears down her face, and it felt so GOOD. The rush of it nearly sent her to her knees.

    A strained, soft laugh fell from her, and she gasped in joy that she could still make the sound.

    White hot thirst pilfered her of the moment. It scorched its way up her throat and forced crimson into her vision. She doubled over from her clawing, empty stomach. She groaned and whimpered as her entire being sang out its agony.

    A different onslaught of tears assaulted her. She took a shuffling step forward, then deeply inhaled. Nothing.

    Another step. Sniff. This scent was earthy and cool. Distinctly female.

    Step. Sniff. Nothing.

    Step. Sn-

    THERE. To the south. Light and sweet, like brown sugar. She recognized it as male.

    A reluctant smile stretched her face as she followed the delicious, aromatic trail.

    It was her first solo hunt, and she was going to make herself enjoy it.

    If she DIDN’T enjoy herself, he’d know. If she ran, he’d find her and never let her go again.

    She was going to prove her worth.

    Reply
    1. 

       Alex

       April 6, 2022

       This one really pulled at my heartstrings. If I remember your stories correctly, I think I know who this is about (It’s Kit, isn’t it?). Stories in the past have already shown her more vulnerable side and this one really has me torn. The early part make me empathize with her so much. The end makes me want to stop her, just so she doesn’t fall too deeply.

       Her pain really shines through here and for a moment, I really thought she’d just ignore the woman and move on, even if just to spite her Maker. But… she won’t will she. Despite everything I know Kit to have done (or will do, if I got my timeline right), I still want her to find some kind of peace.

       Amazing story!

       Reply
    2. 

       Makokam

       April 6, 2022

       Knowing something of this story in a broader sense makes me wonder if her Maker is still…”up and about” shall we say?
       But ya know what? Never mind all that.

       This was a beautiful piece. I loved the pure relief of being free(at least to some extent). I loved how her joy was trampled by her vampiric hunger. And I really liked how she seems to be taking a “I’m a vampire now, and that sucks, but there’s nothing to do about it so I might as well try to enjoy it,” view to her situation .

       Reply
    3. 

       Adrian Solorio

       April 7, 2022

       Nice!!! This is the story of some kind of were-beast who’s on their first solo hunt. Recently released from a cage and chains, she’s happy to be outside. She’s intoxicated by the wind, the air, and the smells. Which is what sets her on her hunt.

       I really liked how you patterned your first paragraphs. It really added something to the piece. Also, you did really well foreshadowing when you mentioned her “maker”. Solid piece overall, Luna. Well done!

       Reply
       1. 

          Lunabear

          April 7, 2022

          Thank you! She’s actually a vampire. I’ve been working on her story for almost 2 months, now, but this piece I wrote specifically for this prompt. I’m so happy it fits.

          I really wanted to capture the first time she’s ever been truly away from her Maker without his hovering or constant watching. I’m glad to know that was successful. This is only temporary, however. Her Maker is still very much up and kicking around. She has to return to him after this because he’s made sure she has no other choice.

          Also, this is a test to help her “snuff out her weakness” for crying and showing compassion and kindness.

          I am absolutely going to write of her in the coming future because we’ve got a long way to go with her story. Again, I’m so thankful you enjoyed this! 💕

          Reply
    4. 

       C. M. Weller

       April 8, 2022

       Girl, get the flack outta there. Red flags! RED flags! Red flags to the left of you, red flags to the right of you, etc etc etc.

       I get the feeling this young lady has been in a TREMENDOUSLY bad situation. Held captive [the chains] and not seeing the outside in a subjective eon and so forth. Isolation, learned helplessness, induced dependency, a belief that her “Maker” [ABUSER!] knows everything, sees everything, and otherwise is godlike.

       YIKES ON BIKES!

       I hope this young Werewolf(?) finds herself a better pack. Do NOT make me go off about the “Alpha” flavour of pack dynamics is complete nonsense.

       Reply
       1. 

          Lunabear

          April 8, 2022

          Thank you so very much for the review and feedback! It’s quite helpful.

          She’s a vampire, actually. But you hit the now directly on the head with your summation of her Maker. He has done all of those things plus a lot more. I wish I could say this was the end of it for her, but it’s not.

          Unfortunately, she cannot leave. Her Maker has made it so that she has nowhere else to go except back to him. This is actually her first time being outside in about 3 to 4 years. I should point out that she was turned when she was 12, so if she had been human, she would be about 15 to 16 at this point.

          Hopefully, she’ll find her freedom one day.

          Reply
    5. 

       LenneLenni

       April 9, 2022

       Hii! I love your story and the fact you can make me cry through a screen. Hehe! The description is beautiful, I can easily picture a scene in my head of what’s happening. Something about this makes me feel so much at once, it’s really wonderful.

       Overall, I think it’s a truly magical experience and I hope this character will be able to prove her worth! Keep on making amazing stories like this!

       Reply
       1. 

          Lunabear

          April 9, 2022

          Thank you so very much! Magical is definitely one thing I did not expect for the story to be called, but I’m really glad you did. I’m also very glad you enjoyed it.

          I have every intention to continue with this particular character for a while. Thank you again so very much!

          Reply
15. 

    Adrian Solorio

    April 6, 2022

    The Burden of Truth
    By Adrian Solorio (Private Repost)

    From behind the concrete rubble, Deniz and Isra scanned the grounds of the ruined library for movement. And Isra once again attempted to warn Deniz off his foolish mission. “You’re courting death, Deniz,” she said. “One of us will be killed. Let’s turn back before it’s too late. If you give these stupid ideas up, the Elders will forgive you–I’m sure.”

    “I’ve come too far to give up now.”

    Isra frowned and unclipped her lazer-whip.

    “Watch the shadows,” said Deniz. “We don’t want to be surprised by anyone or anything–not now–not this close.”

    Isra whispered hollowly, “If there’s anything dangerous: man, animal, or mutant, their ass is grass. Just find what you need–and fast. Won’t be long ‘fore the locals catch our scent, and when they do, we don’t want to be here.”

    “Looks clear,” Deniz said. “ Let’s go.” They zig-zagged from one pile of rubble to another till they reached the inner-alcove of the library. Inside the smell of books, mildewed and musty, mixed with hundred year dust which lay on the marble floor like a fresh-snow. “Nothing’s been here for ages,” said Deniz.

    “Mutants fly and crawl, too.” Isra snapped her whip on, and it whirred and vibrated an angry red. “Besides, some things are more dangerous than mutants.”

    They crept deeper into the cavernous hall until they reached a row of computers. Deniz used a powercell to turn on the machines, then he began his work. He searched for the files that told the story–the true story–of civilization’s fall. Isra read the articles and documents over his shoulder, and the more she read, the more she frowned, and the tighter her grip on the lazer-whip. Mankind had destroyed itself in its attempt to conquer nature–to become Gods. “This will destroy the Elders,” said Deniz. “The people need to know–”

    “No!” Isra’s whip sliced and sizzled the air. “They don’t. The truth is better left with the dead, Deniz.” His head fell from his body and thudded to the floor. The Elder’s had warned her about Deniz, but she had refused to accept the truth–until now.

    Reply
    1. 

       Matthew R Wright

       April 7, 2022

       Very interesting short. Great mixture of description and dialogue to give off the sense that this takes place far from now. The use of terms like “Elders” contrasted against uses of phrase like “Ass is grass” give that modern yet old flavouring, which is nice, if strange to read. I enjoyed it either way, well done.

       Reply
       1. 

          Adrian Solorio

          April 8, 2022

          Hey, Matthew. I’m glad you enjoyed the read, even with the strangeness of the dialogue, haha. Thanks for reading and commenting!

          Reply
    2. 

       Amaunator

       April 8, 2022

       Oh wow, this is powerful stuff. I’m frankly stunned. You’ve given my imagination so much to work with. The world just unspools before my eyes. And I did not see the ending coming. Great job, Adrian!

       Reply
       1. 

          Adrian Solorio

          April 12, 2022

          Thanks for the comment, Amaunator. I’m glad you were able to visualize things for yourself.

          Reply
16. 

    NocteVesania

    April 6, 2022

    Dirty Jokes
    By NocteVesania (Public Group Repost, CW: dirty jokes)

    Kat’s eyes widened as scenes of unimaginable horror unfold within her crystal ball. In them, green haze crawled through streets, the city’s metal signs rusting and stone buildings crumbling to dust to its touch. In its wake, tall grass and mighty trees sprung out, completely replacing the concrete jungle with an actual jungle.

    “Th… the Witch of the Wilds,” Kat gasped, “she’s…”

    “What is it? And chop-chop. Yours truly has a date.” Lucas brushed his hair to the side, one eyebrow raised, waiting for a reaction.

    “They say a witch went rogue long ago,” Kat explained, ignoring Lucas’ dumb expression, “her powers were drained and she was exiled, but she swore revenge once she gathered her strength again.” Kat turned to Lucas, her eyes wide in disbelief. “They called her the Witch of the Wilds.”

    “Wild, just how I like ’em. Know what I’m sayin’? Hey-yo!” Lucas put his hand up for a high-five.

    “Ugh! This is serious!” Kat scrunched her face, looking back at the crystal ball. “She’s coming.”

    Lucas snickered.

    Kat watched images of robed mages attempting to contain the haze, but it just kept coming. “There’s too much! It’s getting everywhere!”

    Lucas snorted, biting his lips as his cheeks turned red.

    The haze, unaffected by the mages’ efforts, enveloped the crowd. Kat gasped as she watched the haze wash over the people, leaving behind only still figures, sparse leaves and branches jutting from their wooden bodies. She starts to panic. “What should I do? This is way too big for me to handle!”

    Lucas, no longer able to control himself, blurted out, “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!” He whipped his head back, cackling and wheezing.

    Kat smacks Lucas’ arm with the back of her hand. “GROW UP!”

    Reply
    1. 

       Lunabear

       April 7, 2022

       Ok, Nocte. I’m genuinely starting to question why Kat hangs around Lucas. Lol. He’s so vulgar and such a clown. Is this truly him as a person or simply a facade? I will begrudgingly admit that they have a very fun dynamic.

       I like that this one is more playful rather than serious. There is some very devastating stuff happening in the background, if it is indeed real, but that is pushed to the side in favor of frivolity and laughter. I think that’s definitely needed. The more serious stuff doesn’t always have to be at the forefront. I do hope that the situation with the Witch of the Wilds can be rectified, though.

       Critiques:

       Kat’s eyes widened as scenes of unimaginable horror unfold(ed) within her crystal ball.

       “They say a witch went rogue long ago,” Kat explained, ignoring Lucas’ dumb expression(.) “(H)er powers were drained and she was exiled, but she swore revenge once she gathered her strength again.”

       She start(ed) to panic.

       Kat smack(ed) Lucas’ arm with the back of her hand. “GROW UP!”

       Please take these critiques with a grain of salt. They are surface level. I did enjoy your story, and it got a few chuckles out of me. I am definitely intrigued by this relationship, but I do want to see more of the world outside of them. I do hope you explore further and share. As it stands to be, I’m super happy you posted this week. It is a very fun read, and I cannot wait to see what you post next time.

       Reply
17. 

    Hastaw

    April 6, 2022

    All I Need

    By: Hastaw

    I would walk and sip my coffee, contemplating life. Something, in particular, caught my eye today.

    An overgrown coffee shop encountered me on my walk today. Vines choked around the delicately carved tables, flowers yellow and orange with a bit of each on their petal tips.

    Moss dabbed on the corners and walls of the building. It climbed to a stack of dead roses; a crime scene portraying itself.

    The yellowed walls showed only a hint of the original white and gray on their surface. The paint was splattered or perhaps worn.

    The inside looked so alone. No one came near it. No one showed kindness. Fierce as nature is with its growth and determination, never does it let a building ruminate in its solitude.

    The sun shined inside, only a few rays piercing the veil of grime. It looked less alone, a smile inside a lonely building.

    A few buds lined the sidewalk. They looked so delicate, possessing a tough exterior. They were smooth to the touch, so hard to crack open.

    Someday, it would unfurl its petals with its many valleys, smiling when the sun came up. Delighted to see its friend again, it would shine a reflective light, giving all it had to grow and die.

    The dead flowers crumbled to the touch, coming alive in the musky corners of the abandoned building. They had dark red and purple veins running up and down their valleys, showing no smile when the sun came to greet them. The flower had lived its life to the fullest without breathing a word and died without weeping for what was left behind.

    It left behind the sun’s smiling friends. A vibrant, colorful family. Though I might not remember the family I once had, nor the life I once strived for, I want to leave behind some brilliant things for everyone to enjoy. I want them to thrive in the sunlight. I want them to smile.

    Reply
    1. 

       Aracnarquista

       April 6, 2022

       I really love the scenario evoked here. Powerful in the simplicity of a moment, quite intense descriptions, great use of metaphors to convey a character to what is being described. The only thing that I don’t think worked for me was the first sentence and the very end. Not that employing the structure of someone remembering an image that left an impact didn’t work, but the first sentence seems unnecessary (while the second works well in opening the description) and the ending felt a bit displaced in relation to the whole. Even with these small things, really powerful little story.

       Reply
       1. 

          Hastaw

          April 7, 2022

          Thank you for the commentary. My conclusive and introductory writing skills are super weak. I don’t really have an endgame, and tend to get a tad bit all over the place with my writing. All in all, the critique is greatly appreciated.

          Reply
    2. 

       Matthew R Wright

       April 7, 2022

       There were some many beautiful sentences within this piece, wonderfully written. My favourite is “it looked less alone, a smile inside a lonely building.” I love that, is says so much in so few words. You should be proud of this sentence isolated from the rest of the piece, luckily it’s connected to more of these beautiful sentences. This was great. Well done.

       Reply
    3. 

       Amaunator

       April 8, 2022

       I think Aracnarquista and Matthew both make good points. This is beautifully written, and I loved “An overgrown coffee shop encountered me” – and I hope it is 100% intentional – and while it is flash fiction, it is only barely a story. Why the first and final part doesn’t work is because the beginning makes it seem like there is a first-person narrator here, and he experiences something which he is sharing with the reader for some reason. The ending should tell us at least a little about either the narrator, what he experiences, or why he wanted to share this.

       You partially achieve the latter option with the last sentence: “I want to leave [something] behind”, but to me it feels a bit too personal, or a bit too directly aimed at the reader, so it breaks the fourth wall. You can do these things. It can be funny, exciting, or serious. But here it mostly came unexpectedly.

       Other than that, the writing itself is good. I like your cadence. Some subtle internal rhyming here and there. Keep writing and reading, you’ll figure out the rest ;).

       Reply
18. 

    Finir

    April 6, 2022

    The World at Universe’s End
    by Finir

    Enlani.

    Such a small word to describe something so big.

    Enlani is a vast, lush planet governed by the forces of nature and the ancient magic spiraling through the peaceful atmosphere. The Heart Blossom Sages, however, argue that the two powers are actually one and the same, that the natural and the ethereal are just one ruling body.

    Enlani is home to roaring waterfalls flowing up instead of down, moonlilies that reach towards the twin moons, and little fey-like creatures that dance and sway for the mighty trees they inhabit. Mountains as sharp as needles pierce the thin clouds drifting lazily overhead. There are large swarms of pink and lilac butterflies that like to do nothing more than to flutter around a potential friend. Then there are the calm Grumphs, large mammals with thundering footfalls, shaggy brown fur, and kind eyes. And of course, who could forget the Ukani? These exciting spirits light up the night sky with all sorts of colors, circling and dancing, and sending their message of tranquility all the while. Then there are the wonderful sights of magic everywhere you set your gaze: traces of the elemental magics curl up around their sources like wisps of bright smoke, shimmering leylines crisscross the sky, and the divine spells that magical creatures toss around for their own amusement. It is truly a sight to behold.

    But all of this pales in comparison to the Heart Blossom. On the distant continent of Cladien, there lies a colossal lotus with pure white petals reaching taller than even the large moonlilies, releasing sparkling spores which emit a faint, golden glow. At the center of this massive flower is what looks like a small star. This “star” gives off an almost blinding light and brings life to all of Enlani with its rhythmic pulsing pattern, sending magical ripples with each beat. The proud Kaldechani saw this magnificent landmark, dubbed it the “Heart Blossom,” and assigned themselves with the task of protecting it. Thus the birth of the Heart Blossom Sages.

    Enlani’s magic will live forever.

    Reply
    1. 

       Matheus Ribeiro de Assis

       April 6, 2022

       Do you plan on making more stories on this setting? I would love to read. In most cases when there is a rich description of a setting I tend to get confused or not geting the whole idea because I’m not a native english speaker, because of this, it is difficult to get immersed in such descriptions. But you do it very well using simple words, it’s easy to understand your descriptions wich makes the reading more accessible. Keep it like this, please. lol

       Reply
       1. 

          Finir

          April 7, 2022

          Thank you for the comment! I appreciate for the kind words and yes, I do plan on making more mini projects for this world. I am not sure if I will be posting them, however. Again, thank you so much for the compliment! It means a lot!

          Reply
    2. 

       Aracnarquista

       April 6, 2022

       This manages to sound, at the same time, as a short description of an alien-or-fae world in a fantasy setting world book and as a fairy tale told to a child at bedtime. The effect is truly mesmerizing. The imagery is really dreamy like and described in such an evocative way. Really good writing all around, and perfect use of the format.

       Reply
       1. 

          Finir

          April 7, 2022

          Thank you for the kind words my friend! I really do appreciate it! It’s feedback like this that keeps me writing!

          Reply
    3. 

       Amaunator

       April 8, 2022

       Even though this was all description, all tell (and no show), something which ordinarily I wouldn’t advise, the description and the creativity of the setting were enough to convince me anyway. Bravo! I too would love to see more of this world, if possible.

       Reply
19. 

    Neptune GT

    April 5, 2022

    Roots for Veins
    By Ethan Hutchinson (Neptune GT)

    Stiff, that’s all I really feel anymore.

    The pain stopped a while ago if I am being completely honest. Much of what I used to call my past is now replaced with false memories that I was always here and creates a small amount of self pity. A gust of wind comes in every now and then, swaying me slightly. Other than that, my movement is limited to the ground I am in, my safe place so I am not caught and blown away into the chaos. My purple hair stretches towards the sun, hoping I could be carried away into a new land to populate and embrace my life that the Sun has given me.

    I can not give in though, that decision would solidify me as an object when I know I am human. I must not subject myself to such a hell. One day, somebody I used to know will come and find me, I swear on it. I must be patient with myself and just keep my hope. Hope will be my savior, not this stupid star that tempts me. Many people have walked by, most of them too blind to see the human male laying in the middle of their trail, if only I could see my body. I may be able to move a finger, a foot, somebody will notice me. How can these people be so blind?

    Did I do something to bring wrath to all these people hiking? In my life, I was a good person, I helped all I could. Why would they do this to me? They must be evil, they must have been the ones who did this to me. If only I could remember how I got here. The Sun tells me this is my home, that can’t be the case. My name was… what was my name? Why can’t I remember? Somebody please notice me. Just one person is all it takes. I do not care what the Sun tells me…

    I am not a flower.

    Reply
    1. 

       Lantis Armstrong

       April 6, 2022

       Oh I love it, I love the elements of body horror here where the person knows themself to be a plant but just can’t fully accept it yet. Scared to death of a fate they can’t escape, they impatiently curse everyone. But they’re too far gone, already a flower, and they’re just not able to accept it yet.

       Reply
    2. 

       Finir

       April 6, 2022

       This is a fantastic and a very creative entry! Philosophical bordering on the abstract. The concept of a conscious flower is a very interesting idea and something I might want to try in the possible future. The lure of the Sun’s shining light was a nice touch and I like idea of the flower’s rejection of it because of its identity confusion. Why does this plant think it was a person? Was it ever a person? Will the readers ever know? I don’t think we are ever supposed to find out. Good job to you! You did a fantastic job with this project! Please continue writing more topics like it!

       Reply
    3. 

       Lee Strangely

       April 6, 2022

       Considering most plants are hermaphroditic, I wonder what convinced this plant it was male? That is if it ever was a plant… Oh the questions…

       This all feels like the sort of creatively concocted, existential, but not too dark, punishment given to a villain in a kids cartoon. I like this piece. Good job!

       Reply
    4. 

       Aracnarquista

       April 6, 2022

       Amazing tale! So many possible readings, so many interesting avenues to search! And the horror, oh, the horror! Very well crafted story!

       Well, other commenters have already pointed out some of the readings I had also made, so I will just say that there is something quite interesting in not knowing if I’m more convinced of a sympathetic Sun (better to have at least a bit of comfort in this predicament) or a Sun that is deviously gaslighting the possibly-metamorphosized human/flower (and the pun of a light-emanating giant gas sphere gaslighting someone is too good not to point at).

       Reply
    5. 

       Amaunator

       April 8, 2022

       This is some grade A stuff, Neptune! Count me in on all the previous praises you’ve received.

       One thing though: “Did I do something to bring wrath to all these people hiking? In my life, I was a good person, I helped all I could. Why would they do this to me? They must be evil, they must have been the ones who did this to me.”

       This passage feels a bit rushed. I’m guessing it’s partly due to the word limit, but that first sentence needs some polish for sure. By “bring wrath”, do you mean to say that he somehow angered other people, and therefore was punished, or is he angry at all of the hikers passing by? I mean, those things can both be true, but not if you’re using that construction.

       Also, I’m sad and glad that you didn’t end the story with the plant being trampled by some inattentive hiker.

       Reply
20. 

    The Ink Chimera

    April 5, 2022

    Beyond the Metal, Through the Vines.
    By The Ink Chimera

    Michelle looked up at the massive wall of metal that laid before her. It was roughly three or four stories tall, made of various pieces of sheet metal, and scrap that had been welded together into a massive makeshift wall, with blooms just barely cresting the edge.

    It had been around longer than her or her mother. But her grandmother warned her not to disturb those walls. But here she was, staring at the hole she’d just cut out of it. There was a thick curtain of green blocking her view though. She was tired of the concrete and steel she’d lived with her entire life. She wanted to see nature. Even if it just coated the buildings and streets.

    She smiled as she dropped her welding torch and safety equipment, carefully nudging the vines aside as to not break any of them.

    On the other side, it was like another world. Green as far as the eye could see. Buildings with trees growing through them. Flowers and vines tearing through thick layers of asphalt to reach for the sun. It felt like she was in a fantasy world. She could hardly contain her excitement. She was tempted to bare herself to this nature but resisted and kept her modesty. She elected to step on the vines, thick as industrial pipes, that filled the road as she walked, rather than accidentally crush the beautiful flowers growing in the cracks. It would break her heart to see any color taken from this beautiful place.

    As she wandered what she could only describe as her dream world, she was drawn to the massive tree, as tall as a skyscraper, in the center. And as she drew closer, she found… people. Girls just like her surrounding it, watering and tending to all the beautiful plants. As she approached, she tried to call out, but they all simply ignored her. She was reaching out to tap one when she felt a sharp pain in her neck, and heard a teenage girl’s voice over her shoulder.

    “Enjoying my garden? Why don’t you stay a while?”

    Reply
    1. 

       Neptune GT

       April 5, 2022

       I love the way you use your diction to help the reader visualize how breathtaking the world that she discovers is. You capture her curiosity and slight fear in an amazing way it is hard to describe! There is few flaws with this story, I am glad you put it here!

       Reply
    2. 

       Lantis Armstrong

       April 6, 2022

       They ignored her… oh no, it’s a trap, wasn’t it? I’m predicting chemical brainwashing and being made to frolic by the trees in her future. She was warned not to go beyond the wall – yet I can’t help but feel so bad for her. Given the choice, I’d have gone, too. I’d always choose to poke around places that look cool even if I was warned they were dangerous. And… I’d probably get a needle in the neck too in that universe. Eh well, long as I’m not turned into a plant I suppose it wouldn’t be so bad.

       Reply
       1. 

          The Ink Chimera

          April 7, 2022

          No. She’ll just be compelled to care for every single one of the plants that grow there. She won’t be turned into a plant or plant food… That’s what happens to the men.

          Reply
    3. 

       Aracnarquista

       April 6, 2022

       There is something very, very fairy tale-like in this story – like those tales that amaze but warn against the indescribable and unknowable world that lies beyond.

       The pacing is quite nice, and the ambience you create draws us as well as it draws Michelle…

       Reply
    4. 

       Haelamon

       April 9, 2022

       I highly enjoyed this one in contrast to the work I wrote for this prompt. Instead of a dead city filled with misery, you wrote one that is beautiful with abundant life; with focus on the beauty of the plants rather than their suffocating nature. Bonus, you have living human people. But I like this because it does seem fairytale-esque with appearance that is opposite of substance.

       Reply
21. 

    Lee Strangely

    April 5, 2022

    Trees of Meat (from the world of “Moonstone Alley”)
    by Lee Strangely

    Officers and analysts were combing the area. A yellow field of energy surrounded the crime scene. Bones stared at the tree with utter disbelief. After waiting for him roughly over ten minutes, Geiger entered the scene.

    “So,” Geiger said once he saw the arm sticking out from the bark, “another body got dumped?”

    “Yeah, it seems to look like that… This isn’t the first time?”

    “Oh yeah, criminals used to dump people here all the time. Well at least they did up until we started monitoring the site. I’m assuming whoever did this was desperate.”

    “Did any of them ever hide a body in a tree before?”

    Geiger chuckled, “Hide the body in the tree? Don’t you know what kind of forest this is?”

    Bones gave an obvious look of confusion.

    “These are meat-maples.”

    “Meat-maples?”

    “It’s a tree Bones,” he explained as he walked closer to it, “A carnivorous tree.”

    Bones went pale, “C-carnivorous?”

    “Ah don’t worry, they’re scavengers. They only eat dead things… Probably because they’re the only things slow enough for them to catch.”

    “Um, do they…”

    “Unless you stand still for over twenty-four hours, you’ll be fine.”

    Once he regained his nerves Bones waved to the forensics analysts, “Someone place a transparency charm on the tree!”

    In minutes one of the analysts pointed their wand the tree and mumbled something under their breath. In mere seconds the plant looked more like a column of glass. There through the wood was the corpse, juicy and looking as if it was floating in its see-through shell.

    Geiger barely but visibly winced at the sight, while Bones simply replied, “Yuck…”

    Bones noticed the tons of shiny metal objects also surrounding the body, “W-wait are those, watches?”

    “Yeah, people drop them all the time. However, we’ve yet to figure out why they keep ending up here…”

    “Hey wait a second,” Geiger then muttered as he looked closer, “that one’s mine!”

    Reply
    1. 

       Alex

       April 5, 2022

       Meat-maples are a really grotesque and fascinating concept, which remind me of something straight out of the SCP universe. I love the macabre horror vibe you create here and the conversation between Bones and Geiger really does show the trees in all their glory. I can see why criminals would hide bodies there.

       The plot twist at the end got me thinking a little. Did Geiger lose a watch at some point? He must have, because otherwise how could it have ended up there. I wonder, if it is foreshadowing or hinting at a theft in some way.

       Well written!

       Reply
    2. 

       The Ink Chimera

       April 5, 2022

       Fascinating. I always loved the idea of sentient plants that have strange properties like this.

       And the idea of a murder investigation taking place around it is really interesting.

       And now I have to wonder if something would happen to the trees if they didn’t eat meat for long enough.

       This is very fun to speculate on. Keep up the great work.

       Reply
    3. 

       Taehl

       April 7, 2022

       Carnivorous trees are a neat idea that you don’t see too often in folklore, good job. I’m also fond of magic getting mixed into unusual topics (such as the forensics seen here), magical technology, etc..

       I find the names more distracting than immersive (I’m pretty sure Bones is the name of a TV show about forensics?), but making good names is hard for me too, and not that big a deal in such a short story.

       The ending is neat, it could make for a good end of a chapter in a longer story.

       Reply
22. 

    Tamela Redfin

    April 5, 2022

    Tough like Granite, Mica

    By Tamela Redfin

    “Human,” said Cameron. That joke wasn’t funny! I knew in my heart I wasn’t.

    In fact, I could prove I was a whole cypha. I’d start digging through this marble like my lovely Sapphira did. And I knew I was an introvert, just my mom.

    I looked for a weak wall. So my nails weren’t super strong, but I could cut the stone. I was a Granite by name. I stared at the bedrock. I swiped my nails against the stone. Nothing.

    “Perkilkin!” I cursed in cyphan. “It has to break!” I swiped until my nail broke on my thumb.

    Blood flowed, first a trickle, but then a gush. Must have hit something sharp. But, why?

    “Geez, what happened?” I turned to see Cecilia. “Don’t scratch at the walls.”

    “BUT I AM A CYPHA!” I cried out. “How could my mother be with a human?”

    “I asked myself the same question about Cameron. It’s not the body that drew me in. It was him as a person.”

    “But Cameron didn’t abandon you when you were pregnant, did he? Is that common amongst humans? I don’t want to leave Sapphira.” Mica looked down.

    “Is that what you’re worried about? You don’t need to be afraid. So your father was a tool.”
    Mica nodded, “And cyphas wanted to kill me. Until we got that influx of cypha hybrids, for some reason.”

    “Try what?!”

    “My mother got a lot of death threats, as did a child. I’m not going to repeat history. I can and will suppress my human nature.”

    Cecilia shook her head. “You can’t do that. You are as you are. So you need to use human tools to dig and you like being social. Sapph is a social butterfly too.”

    “Yeah she is. And it’s cute.” I smiled. True, it wasn’t common for us cyphas, but it didn’t matter.
    I looked at my thumb. Thankfully, it stopped bleeding. That was my cypha side showing. But someday, I’d find this so-called father and question him.

    Reply
    1. 

       Matheus Ribeiro de Assis

       April 6, 2022

       Now I understand much better the context of “Cyphas”, your short stories on this theme are quite good. But I feel that the reader must have already read some previoys stories to get situated in the plot and to enjoy fully the reading.

       Try to make your stories more “oneshoot”, this will make it more fit to the format.

       Reply
    2. 

       C. M. Weller

       April 8, 2022

       Mandatory spelling nit: Trickle. Not trinkle. I mean, it could be a trinkle, but you have to define it in story and that tends to end up using too many words.

       Mica is, as I recall, a relatively soft stone, so the name fits. The title is just ironic. Good thing that he’s more emotionally resistant -and stronger- than many others in the same situation.

       Reply
       1. 

          Tamela Redfin

          April 8, 2022

          I can fix it later.

          And yes, mica is a soft stone. (Often used in powder make up), but pairing his last name with Granite, a very tough rock. He uses his hard nature to cover his weak spots, hence bullying Sapphira as a child. However, now he’s letting his softer side show.

          Reply
    3. 

       Makokam

       April 8, 2022

       Neat story. Though the dialogue feels kind of unnatural.

       What I find most ironic/interesting is his concern about leaving Sapphira because of his inherited human nature, when he’s probably already exhibited some of the worst human traits in lashing out at Sapphy because of his own self-loathing.

       Reply
       1. 

          Tamela Redfin

          April 8, 2022

          Yeah, he didn’t quite catch that one. But is be fair, his only initial connection to human were the scientists, and they aren’t known to be nice to cyphas.

          I’ll work on the dialogue. I think I rushed it a touch.

          But as always, thank for the read. 🙂

          Reply
23. 

    Lantis Armstrong

    April 5, 2022

    Buzz
    By Lantis Armstrong

    SMACK!

    Jon swatted the lone mosquito on his face as he set out to hike the Appalachian Trail from Baxter State Park in Maine!

    He’d planned for this vacation for so long, yearning to escape the confines of the daily doldrums of city life so his mind and spirit would have a chance to heal by venturing forth into the wondrous beauty of nature!

    Having spent months preparing for the hike, he chuckled at the thought of never once considering bug spray. Oh well, a few mosquitoes wouldn’t deter him!

    Sitting for lunch hours later many more mosquitoes and their tiny angry cousins the carnivorous black flies were covering his hands and sandwich. He just smiled and shook them off, taking a bite of his sandwich as they took a few bites out of him.

    That night he was shaking and cold, his skin bumpy and bruised from bites. Every time he stopped to rest he was swarmed. He was no longer smiling as they came in greater, more bloodthirsty numbers.

    Curling into his sleeping bag like a cocoon, he heard the ever-present buzzing of flies just outside of his polyester barrier all night long.

    Buuuzzzzzzzzzzzz…

    The next morning he went to the river to refill his water bag when he saw his face reflected in the water – swollen from bug bites, it was like a massive malformed blob of lumpy mashed potatoes!

    Letting out an inhuman, guttural scream, he abandoned his campsite and fled through the woods!

    Happening upon other campers, he tried to beg for help:

    “GWAAAAAAAAAAHH!”

    The campers screamed and fled from this swamp monster-like beast that had emerged from the wilderness!

    Hours later, the forest rangers had been summoned to capture this beast, and had managed to trap it in a net after luring it out of its dwellings with a raw steak.

    Jon buzzed angrily at the rangers as they drug him off in the net, his swollen throat incapable of telling them he was no animal. And yet, he found it hard to even believe such a sentiment anymore, himself.

    Reply
    1. 

       Lee Strangely

       April 6, 2022

       If this was expanded some, it would make a good sympathetic monster movie. The whole thing started off reminding me of why I was never that much of an outdoor person, then it unexpectedly turned into a Universal horror film. This is the perfect story to tell around a campfire at night. Great job and keep on writing!

       Reply
    2. 

       Amaunator

       April 8, 2022

       I think I would have liked this more if you had had a slightly longer build-up. Now you went from a few mosquito bites to a malformed face in a flash. But then, you would have had no room to finish the story then.

       Also, beware of using exclamation marks. They can seem like a good way of making something more dramatic, but that tactic can go stale quite quickly. Personally, I think you could have done without any of the exclamation marks, and it still would have read as well.

       The only place you do need them is in commands (“Go away!”), or in exclamations (“Gwaaahh!”).

       Also, while I love “drug” as the past tense of “to drag”, sadly the correct form is “dragged”. Just letting you know ;).

       Keep writing!

       Reply
       1. 

          Lantis Armstrong

          April 9, 2022

          😛 he was also in “a cocoon” overnight, where bugs tend to metamorphosize. But aye, the exclamation marks may have been excessive.

          Reply
    3. 

       Haelamon

       April 9, 2022

       I like this one because it’s funny. If that was your goal congratulations, if not. Well at least it had that benefit you know. The implementation of the idea of ‘conquered by nature’ here seems quite literal and I love it. He was defeated by it (mosquitoes) then became a part of it, at least tangentially, by being mistaken as a wild beast. Good job! I hope you have a good day.

       Reply
       1. 

          Lantis Armstrong

          April 9, 2022

          Oh no, was definitely meant to be funny lol. I liked the idea of someone stepping into the woods all confident in themselves only to get eaten up by bugs or some other thing befalls them they hadn’t planned for.

          Reply
24. 

    VanGrim

    April 5, 2022

    Shattered and Forgotten
    by VanGrim

    In a building that once proudly overlooked the whole valley, there was a window. An intricate one, with colored tiles that formed a scenery that may have happened here in former, maybe better times. The building around that window only faintly gave hints to the prosperity before… yeah, what happened here?

    If one would have asked the window, it could have told of how the king of this place gave the order to make it. How it formed a consciousness, as tile by tile the window was pieced together. How it saw its first morning where the sunshine tickled it and made it shine even brighter to make the king even prouder as he stood watch.

    Yeah, if one would have asked the window, it could have told how the king fell in a duel and his son took over, grieving. It could have told how it gave its best to brighten his mood with beautiful plays of light and color. How he got better, watching it every day.

    If one was persistent, it could have told more, of the downfall of the son, how he did his best but still lost, how people fled the valley, their home that nourished them so long. It could tell of the horrors it has seen, of the long silence after, how it clung to its memories for so long when everything else around it was washed away by wind, time and the strong arm of nature. How it did its best even with no one watching.

    But no one was there to ask the window and so it very unceremoniously broke as if a last thread of hope faded away and returned to the soil where it once was taken from.

    Reply
    1. 

       Neptune GT

       April 5, 2022

       The way you thread the story together is almost immaculate! I absolutely adore the way you personify the window and use lighthearted vocabulary to explain what it has seen up until the end of the story. The tragic way the story ends brought feelings of sadness to my heart. Amazing!

       Reply
       1. 

          VanGrim

          April 6, 2022

          Thank you for your kind words. It was an idea spinning in my head for a bit and the prompt made it happen. I’m glad you like it 🙂

          Reply
    2. 

       Finir

       April 6, 2022

       I really love this new and bizarre concept you’ve constructed! It is a curious idea to see inanimate objects as living, conscious things. The stories they could tell if you only asked. I had so much fun imagining all of the tragic imagery you crafted for your readers! This is something that I definitely want to explore in some of my writing. Great work! Keep it up!

       Reply
       1. 

          VanGrim

          April 8, 2022

          Yeah, it was an experiment for sure. And I think an approach that could work for longer texts as well, I think. Thanks for your words 🙂

          Reply
    3. 

       Aracnarquista

       April 6, 2022

       That was a really good and interesting tale. I loved how you imbued a sense of will, longing and memory to the window. I found it a little bit disconcerting why did that particular window had such an anthropocentric view on things, but I couldn’t blame it, living in such an interesting and agitated surrounding. And, anyway, that ending needed that view, so it all worked really well and the emotional build-up was really well tied up. Great writing!

       Reply
       1. 

          VanGrim

          April 8, 2022

          Sometimes the simplest things are the most magic ones 😉 Thanks for your feedback. I’m happy you liked it

          Reply
    4. 

       Marx

       April 7, 2022

       Holy crap, I have never felt so much emotion for a window before. This was glorious! You did such a great job of making the reader the window’s eyes as it went through the two generations of royalty and then made us feel it even more once it was deserted. It comes across so powerfully by the time you get to that final bit at the end.

       This was an absolutely amazing take on the prompt. Well done!

       Reply
       1. 

          VanGrim

          April 8, 2022

          Aww, thanks. I’m glad you liked it.

          Reply
    5. 

       Amaunator

       April 8, 2022

       I agree with the others, this was a great twist, to allow the conquest of nature to be viewed not by the people who were conquered, but an inanimate object. Clever and very potent stuff!

       I do feel like the storytelling is a little unstable at times due to irregular tense use.
       “with colored tiles that formed a scenery” -> This should be “form”, because as long as those tiles have existed, they have shown that same scenery. It is an enduring quality of the window, so it simply is.

       “If one would have asked the window, it could have told” -> You put the reader at an even greater remove by choosing the past conditional form here. To me, it sounds like the glass is already broken, yet we know that it doesn’t break until the very end. So you need this structure: “If one had asked…, it would have told…”

       “when everything else around it was washed away by wind, time and the strong arm of nature.”
       -> was being washed away
       or
       -> was washing away (though you’ll have to change the prepositions of the next part)

       Keep writing!

       Reply
       1. 

          VanGrim

          April 8, 2022

          Many thanks for that. Enlish isnt my first language (German here), so I always appreciate feedback on my grammar and writing <3

          Reply
25. 

    C. M. Weller

    April 4, 2022

    To Feel a Win From a Loss (A Tiefling Tale/Cordelia’s Journey)
    C. M. Weller

    This was not how the dreams went. Kormwind knew them just as much as he feared them. He was supposed to be running slowly, through places he knew well. He had run right off his little wilderness. Then the Dire Owl had come out of nowhere and snatched him from falling.

    He had never fallen so fast in his dreams, before.

    He’d never flown in them either.

    WAS this a dream? He didn’t know any more. He’d been seeing ghosts of his Elisa for months. Ghosts of the Lady he had sent away. To her death. His fault.

    “Either drop me or take me to her grave, verdammt,” he demanded. “Put an end to it!”

    The owl let him go, and he fell -so fast!- into some convenient hay.

    He knew what he needed to do. He needed to chase after his bride. That was how he was going to wake up. When he raced after the first flash of white he saw, he had never run so fast in his dreams.

    It was exhilarating.

    The wolf came out of nowhere, too. Large. It was so strange to have dreams while mad with grief. What else might his dreams conjure this time?

    His race to capture his bride came to a dead end. A corner. He bounded up it according to his training. Up and over. He would find her. Perhaps he would catch her, this time.

    There was no wolf chasing him. A bird had taken its place. But now as he raced after his bride, there were obstacles. Vines leaped out to catch him. Earth dropped away to trap him. He dodged them all.

    All. Until one last vault over a wall, where the vines trapped him up in coils upon coils of their green tangles. He could not squirm his way free as the pursuing bird lit nearby and changed into the very image of the Lady. Cordelia. His Elisa.

    “For the last time, you silly Tiefling, I am NOT dead,” she said, and put her lips on his.

    He surrendered to the kiss.

    Reply
    1. 

       Lunabear

       April 7, 2022

       I really love this, C. M. The duality of grief and love, Kosh finding a safe harbor with Cordelia–it’s all very sweet and heartwarming.

       This is a bit more well structured than other dreams, so I’m wondering if there is symbolism within the wolf and the owl. Or are they simply a means to him chasing his bride? Is he just there to find Cordelia and safety?

       I love that even in his dream, she assures him that she is okay and soothes him with a kiss. She helps him to conquer his own worried nature, which I think is a really great twist on the prompt.

       Overall, this is very sweet with a bit of scary tension. I really like that. I’m excited to see what you post next. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this.

       Reply
       1. 

          C. M. Weller

          April 7, 2022

          1. This is reality [well, in-story reality]
          2. Kosh has gone QUITE mad thanks to a campaign from Daddy Dearest
          3. That’s really Cordelia capturing him with Druid powers and giving him the kiss of sanity ™

          But since this is the perspective of a madman, I can understand the confusion <3

          Reply
    2. 

       Makokam

       April 8, 2022

       This is adorable and I love it.
       I love the idea that he’s been having this same (waking?) Nightmare for so long that even when he’s not actually dreaming he goes “Welp, here we go again!”

       I feel bad for Cordelia, chasing her boyfriend/husband and trying to keep his dumb ass from inadvertently killing himself. And not for the first time. But at least she knows what’s going on so she can react faster.

       I don’t know if this is on purpose, but you use different names for characters and that can be confusing between stories sometimes. For example, until the very end I didn’t realize Elisa was Cordelia.

       Reply
       1. 

          C. M. Weller

          April 8, 2022

          Re: Elisa/Cordelia – I have STORY reasons for that. Long before he met her, long before he knew that Cordelia was his fiancee, he knew he was engaged. [There’s a moon story somewhere in the past where he wishes her a good night]

          Anyway. Didn’t feel right to have a jumble of words like “The woman who’s doomed to wed me” so he picked a name out of a song and named her that. [FTR the song is Fantasy I Still See Elisa… I’ll mess with that later 😉 ]

          So when he MET Cordelia and neither of them knew they were destined for each other… he filled her in on the hangup. There’s entire passages about Cordelia wanting someone to love her like Kosh loved this Elisa he’d never (supposedly) met.

          And yes Cordelia is a little exasperated with the chase in-story. She forgives him when she realises that he’s gone more than slightly mad. I really should have Kosh apologise for it later.

          Reply
26. 

    Marx

    April 4, 2022

    That Boy Needs Some Therapy
    By Marx

    Matt unleashed his wings for the first time and all the realms felt it. He practically saturated the surrounding area in his magic. His wings were so massive that they blacked out the sky. They had no definition or depth. It was as if they were a shadow that tore wing-shaped holes in reality wherever they touched.

    Every magical being knew to be terrified. And every non-magical being was terrified anyway.

    Matt screamed.

    The sky wept.

    The Earth trembled.

    Death prepared herself.

    And Laila knew the stakes as she forced her way through the buffeting winds of Matt’s power.

    “Matt! You need to calm down! Please! You don’t want this!”

    Matt turned his gaze to the angel. To his familiar. To his first real friend. The tears welled in the obsidian depths of his eyes, but the winds quickly tore them away. Laila could feel his pain. With their connection, she had no choice but to. Still, she stood.

    “I’m sorry! I’m so… so… sorry! It’s not fair! It’s not! But you don’t get to be this angry! Everyone else can, but you can’t! You’re not like everyone else!”

    With every word spoken, Laila took another step towards him. And every step hurt. He wanted more than anything to be left alone. To drown in his despair. She was defying his will. Every instinct she had cried for her to fall to her knees and let him do as he would.

    She forced another step.

    He needed to understand that he wasn’t currently in control of his power. His power was in control of him. And it was about to give him what he wanted.

    To be left alone.

    Because there would be no one else.

    One more push and Laila was able to throw her arms around him. If his power was going to destroy everything, he’d have to watch her die first.

    And just like that, it was over.

    Matt took the chaotic magic back into himself and everything became quiet.

    Existence was safe.

    And Laila clutched him that much closer as he allowed his tears to fall.

    Reply
    1. 

       VanGrim

       April 5, 2022

       The title certainly applies ^^ I was drawn in by a story very rich in pictures and a compelling part of a bigger story probably. But I felt a bit overwhelmed in the start by the part “Matt screamed. The sky wept. The Earth trembled. Death prepared herself.” I was wondering for a moment if Matt was a god as it was a very strong description. Afterwards it felt more like he is “only” a younger person with magical abilities and it felt like a slight disconnect to that god-like part. But overall I enojoyed the reading. Many thanks.

       Reply
       1. 

          Marx

          April 5, 2022

          Lol well… you’re technically right on both counts. He is a younger(depending on if early twenties is young to you) “person” with magical abilities, but he’s also the herald to the apocalypse, which I would say is pretty god-like. I’m really glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the review!

          Reply
    2. 

       Alex

       April 5, 2022

       This is a heartbreaking story, but really well crafted. I can see how close Matt’s nature comes to claiming him in a moment of anger and the early descriptions are truly awesome to behold. I can absolutely see, why Laila is desperate to calm him down and make him retract his wings.

       The moment where she yells at him that because of his power he cannot be angry felt like a real punch to me, making the end where Laila holds Matt while he cries so much more powerful. His desire to be alone… His despair… Everything really felt powerful, making me really see how heavy his heart is, with all this power and responsibility he has been forced to carry.

       Great story!

       Reply
       1. 

          Marx

          April 5, 2022

          Thank you so much! I’m really glad the visuals came across as powerful as the scene was in my head. I wanted them to be really indicative of the fact that if he got angry enough and completely lost control, it was literally the end of the world.

          Not gonna lie lol, the part about him not being able to show his anger like that because of his power did come from a personal place, so I’m borderline ecstatic that the punch of that got through. As well as the ending packing the power to match the beginning.

          Reply
    3. 

       Makokam

       April 8, 2022

       Woo.
       Honestly I thought this was going to be The End. Interesting to see it wasn’t. Looking forward to finding out what did this though.

       I suspect this is early in the timeline, since only Laila was mentioned? Or there could have just not been room for mentions of others.

       One of the things I like about this is that anyone who’s been following this story at all knows that Matt does NOT want to end the world, so as upset as he is I’m sure that desire still exists. And I think that’s why Laila was able to reach him. His core desire was all the permission she needed to push through his immediate thought of “leave me alone”.

       Reply
       1. 

          Marx

          April 8, 2022

          Lol not gonna lie, I did want it to look that way. Kinda like, oh, so this is how the world ends.

          That said. There was a version of this that had all three familiars but that didn’t gel well with the word count at ALL, so I just had to cut them out and leave it with just Laila, which does work out pretty well because it makes the story more intimate.

          And one of the things I like the most about this is that Matt is too lost to realize how close he is to ending everything. He’s just completely succumbed to his emotions and it’s only Laila being willing to be that first kill to show him what he’s really doing that snaps him out of it.

          Reply
    4. 

       Amaunator

       April 8, 2022

       This was great. Very powerful. Not at all where I thought anyone would take this prompt, straight to the climax of a story, or an early crisis at least.

       I really like how the harbinger of death is simply called Matt. That juxtaposition is really funny to my mind.

       On the other hand, Matt means “Gift of God (Yahweh)”. Another strange juxtaposition, that the harbinger of the Apocalypse would be a gift from god… Interesting stuff, Marx!

       Reply
       1. 

          Marx

          April 8, 2022

          See, I just love the idea of these epic beings having ridiculously normal names. Matt was raised as a human so it stands to reason he’d be named like one.

          Funny fact with his name meaning gift from God. He is absolutely a character in my world(who prefers to go by the name Bob, to go along with epic beings, normal names) and he set things in motion for Matt to be born because he was done with existence so… that meaning for his name is eerily accurate. And in no way intentional lol.

          Reply
27. 

    Alex

    April 4, 2022

    Let’s have some Tea (Forsaken Universe)
    By Alex Nightingale (aka Spectre)

    As far as Lennah was concerned, the planet Ozymandias being dead was an absolute certainty. The ruins, shattered remnants and the mass graves she had spotted were proof enough of that for her.

    She remembered the scenes. Piles of rocks, overgrown by trees. Towers covered in moss. And in between, skulls of completely unknown shapes.

    “Rain, come on. Newton is waiting at the ship. He’s contacted me three times already and I think if we don’t get back soon, he’ll leave without us. And he’s a worse pilot than Morae, so…”

    “Just a moment.”

    Rain was standing in the ruins, admiring the crumbled remnants of a dead world. Lennah let out a deep, notable sigh.

    “Look, I like a good dead civilization as much as the next girl, but we need to go. Our colleagues are waiting for us. I mean, Newton is one thing, but eventually, Jade will…”

    “I get it,” she tore her gaze away from the ruins and went with Lennah, back towards the shuttle.

    “What is it with you and this graveyard of a planet anyway?” Lennah asked. “It’s not like there’s anything left alive.”

    “Nothing left alive? Lennah, everything here is alive.”

    “What do you mean?” she scoffed. “Look around, Rain. Nothing but ruins and graves. This planet is dead.”

    “It’s anything but. Yes, its civilization is dead, but we are surrounded by life. Birds, lizards, plants… and so much else. Just because the life isn’t sentient, doesn’t mean it’s not life. It’s blossoming.”

    “Out of graves.”

    “I find that beautiful.”

    “I find it macabre.”

    Rain chuckled.

    “Perhaps a little.”

    For a while, they said nothing.

    “We’re just destined to be conquered, aren’t we,” Lennah said, her gaze held to the floor. “Conquered and eaten.”

    “Maybe…” Rain brushed a leaf with her gloved fingers. “But until then… what say you, we look forward to tonight? Morae is hosting another board game night. We can have some tea.”

    At this, Lennah smiled.

    “Sounds like fun.”

    “It’s one way to while away the years, until we’re eaten.”

    Lennah couldn’t help it. She started laughing.

    Reply
    1. 

       VanGrim

       April 5, 2022

       I really enjoyed this little snippet. I got a bit of a feeling for the characters and certainly wouldnt mind to hear more from them. It would have been interesting to know if there maybe was a goal to be there besides strolling through a dead civilization 😉 but with the word limit that s of course not easy. Thanks for this little story.

       Reply
    2. 

       i-prefer-the-term-antihero

       April 5, 2022

       The more I read about Rain, the more I like her. She’s delightful.

       Though honestly at first I thought that Rain would end up *causing* them to be stranded because she lingered. I’m glad that’s not what it was XD

       “She remembered the scenes. Piles of rocks, overgrown by trees. Towers covered in moss. And in between, skulls of completely unknown shapes.”
       –You know what’s funny? When I read this I was already like “wait, it’s not completely dead then? There’s moss and trees!” it’s neat that Rain and I were on the same page from the beginning.

       “he’ll leave without us. And he’s a worse pilot than Morae, so…”
       –This is cute. But it does make me wonder…is this indeed before they got stranded?

       “Rain was standing in the ruins, admiring the crumbled remnants of a dead world. Lennah let out a deep, notable sigh.”
       –I can really see this. I love it!

       “Look, I like a good dead civilization as much as the next girl, but we need to go. Our colleagues are waiting for us. I mean, Newton is one thing, but eventually, Jade will…”
       “I get it,” she tore her gaze away from the ruins and went with Lennah, back towards the shuttle.
       –I love this. The difference in their tones and views is very cool to see and easy to picture.

       “It’s anything but. Yes, its civilization is dead, but we are surrounded by life. Birds, lizards, plants… and so much else. Just because the life isn’t sentient, doesn’t mean it’s not life. It’s blossoming.”
       “Out of graves.”
       “I find that beautiful.”
       “I find it macabre.”
       –I love all this. So beautiful.

       “It’s one way to while away the years, until we’re eaten.”
       –XD Fantastic

       Wonderful job!!

       Reply
    3. 

       The Ink Chimera

       April 5, 2022

       I love the duality in this, and how it isn’t malicious.

       They have different views, but they’re both on good terms.

       I also really relate to both of them. I love the idea of life growing from dead things. I think it’s macabre and beautiful, just as they said, and I’d likely be beside myself, wanting to stay, but not be left behind.

       Aside from that though, I also love getting to see their points of view as they talk about it, and being able to extrapolate an objective picture of the world.

       Very well written. Keep up the good work.

       Reply
    4. 

       Lunabear

       April 6, 2022

       I absolutely love the imagery in this one, Alex! It’s really immersive!

       I also enjoy the philosophical back and forth between Rain and Lennah. It’s interesting to see their different world views, even if it’s on a world that’s dead but regrowing.

       You always seem to find a way to add levity or humor to a story, no matter how dark it is. That’s really endearing and astounding and I absolutely love and appreciate it.

       We have to read more of this particular universe. It’s pretty fun from what I’ve seen but has a healthy dose of danger and fear. Excellent job. Thank you very much for posting this. I can’t wait to see what you share next.

       Reply
    5. 

       Marx

       April 7, 2022

       I really, really like the trope of the character who just sees things differently, and this is such a great example of why it works for me. When you really think about it, there is a beauty in the nature that can grow over a graveyard. It’s all in how you choose to see it. Like an art piece.

       Lol and I do think that’s the kind of optimistic outlook you need in a world where you’re worried about being conquered and eaten, assuming that’s what happened to Ozymandias in the first place. But even if it wasn’t, this story puts you in a real thought provoking state of mind, which is awesome. Great story!

       Reply