Writing Group: Don’t You Dare (PRIVATE)

Hello, Daredevils and Thrill Seekers!

Are your hearts racing? Do you feel those tingles along your spines? Have you got your favorite comfort item? Well, prepare yourselves, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Don’t You Dare

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

This prompt provides quite the challenge. Usually, these three little words are an order, like a parent admonishing a child before the child does something naughty. Or perhaps it can be an extremely strict army sergeant working to keep new recruits in line. 

What about the games of “Chicken” or “Double Dog Dare” that you and your friends challenge one another to, adding more and more outrageous dares as the games continue? Or maybe it’s a joke that not everyone knows about. What if someone takes it a tad too far and someone gets hurt or an even more fatal outcome occurs? 

Perhaps someone takes it as an opportunity to defy the nature of the phrase, engaging in a dangerous mission while knowing the consequences? What if it turned out that the person made a good call in their decision? 

Will you heed the call or turn the other cheek? The gauntlet has been laid; all you have to do is pick it up. 

We triple dog dare you.

—Felicia

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least four stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and two of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Use two paragraph breaks between each paragraph so that they have a proper space between them (press “enter” or “return” twice).
    6. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
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  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new; no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Be constructive and uplifting. These submissions are not for a professional market, and shouldn’t be treated as such. We do this, first and foremost, for the joy of the craft. Help other writers to feel like their work is valuable, and be considerate and gentle with critique when you offer it. Authors who leave particularly abrasive or disheartening remarks on this post will be disqualified from selection for readings.
    6. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    7. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    8. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

41 responses to “Writing Group: Don’t You Dare (PRIVATE)”

  1. Blinky Avatar
    Blinky

    Flowers for the dead
    By Blinky

    Her brother’s grave had been ravaged the day after being laid to rest. His body was plucked from the ground and hung above the city plaza. A pointlessly cruel message that even dead her enemies would allow her family no peace.

    He had committed no sin more significant than entering this world with the name Flores. He was a good man, a loving father, and the only politician who cared about his city. His hands were clean, but their family’s business tainted his blood.

    She called for war. Her Abuelito denied her. “Don’t you dare seek vengeance, Mari. Don’t you dare bring another war to our home. I’ve worked my entire life to rip our family out of this business. You will not drag us back down into it. I will go. I will seek peace.”

    He was left above the plaza too. She buried peace with him.

    She called for war, and her soldiers answered with blood. Her enemies dragged her family into this pit, and so she would show them the monsters they thought were long gone. There would be no rules, and she would spare no innocent. She would not rest until every last one of her enemies swung where her loved ones did. Their mouths stuffed with marigolds.

    She called for war, and her city burned. Consumed by her grief and thirst for vengeance, she torched entire neighborhoods to extinguish those who wronged her. She demanded blood and could not be sated. Not when all her enemies ate flowers. Not when her family begged for peace. She burned and burned until even her home was not safe.

    She swung above the plaza too. When her family could no longer stand the monster she had become, her son could no longer recognize the mother he loved.

  2. Revisis Avatar
    Revisis

    A Single Chance
    by Exce, edited by LunaBear

    The sea-gate buckled, great oak bars splintered, and the wings of the door swung slowly open.

    Thick smoke rolled out before it was pushed aside by the prow of a ship sliding into place next to a jetty.

    Not bothering with a ramp, a figure leapt off the very same prow, slamming down on the jetty. A man wearing a captain’s cloak over a simple shirt, breeches and sturdy boots.
    There was a layer of black ooze covering the jetty, but as the man landed, there was a violent hiss and brilliant white light flashed for a moment as the ooze was turned into smoking residue.

    “Neat trick.” The man’s hair seemed to glow, seeming to be made up from strands of crystal. The same applied to his beard, and to the visible bits of fingernail and teeth. His eyes were also aglow, but without the crystal quality to it.

    There was a general commotion on the walls, shocked guards oscillating between jumping into action and trying to flee.
    An older looking man appeared in the otherwise deserted, wisely evacuated, courtyard. He was wearing an officer’s uniform. Before he could get a word in edgewise, the glowing Captain raised one hand.

    “I must warn you, Commander, don’t you dare and resist. I am of a mind to accept a bloodless surrender and handover of power.”
    The man gave a noise somewhere between disbelief and horror. “Brightbeard is offering to show mercy? Excuse me if I do not fall to one knee, crying with relief.” Shoulders sagging with a sigh, he opened his mouth to speak again.

    A loud, deep twang of wood shaking under the impact of a heavy bowstring cut him off.

    Glowing eyes rising, Brightbeard swung around his arm. Fingers splayed, a blinding line of light cut through the air towards the keep. There was a gout of flames, before the liquified bolt-tip hit the cobbles with a shower of sparks.

    Qaulas Medirach slowly lowered his hand as, behind him, heavy ramps slammed onto the jetty. “Well, I am not one to ask twice. Make your peace Commander.”

  3. Lavorther Avatar
    Lavorther

    UnaMUSEd
    by Lavorther

    I sighed, drumming on the edge of my laptop with my thumbs.

    “Sounds like it’s going well.” Looking up, I wasn’t surprised to find her lounging on the couch, lazily tapping at her phone.

    “Took you long enough to show up. I have less than 24 hours left for this prompt.”

    “And that’s my problem… how, exactly?”

    I glanced at the empty document in front of me. “Come on, don’t be like that. You’re supposed to be my muse. We had a deal: you provide the ideas and I write them.”

    She rolled her eyes and put her phone down, finally looking at me. “You know that’s not how this works.”

    “Well, it was fun while it lasted…”

    In the blink of an eye she’d crossed the room, slammed my laptop shut, and was up in my face.

    “See, that’s your freaking problem! You keep complaining and asking me for ideas, but you’re ready to throw in the towel at the first hint of resistance. I thought this was your new writing outlet? How many stories did you write for these prompts anyway?”

    “T-two? Three, I guess, but I didn’t post-”

    “And you’re already giving up?” She laughed. “Pathetic.”

    “I mean, if you’re not going to cooperate…”

    “Did it ever cross your mind that you need to put in some work, too? That you might need to actually earn my help?”

    I swallowed. “I just thought that if I found the right thing, perhaps it might get easier, you know?”

    “Newsflash: writing is hard. But don’t you dare give up on it again. You keep bouncing off projects and ideas, just stick with something for crying out loud!”

    “Okay okay, fine. No need to yell.” I took a deep breath and opened my laptop again. “Thanks for the pep talk, I guess?”

    “You’re welcome.” She grinned and returned to the couch.

    “Though that still leaves me without an idea for this prompt.”

    She sighed. “I guess… you could write about me?”

    “I thought you didn’t do ideas?”

    “You can have that one for free,” she said with a wink.

    1. Revisis Avatar
      Revisis

      This is a great story.

      IRL ‘I cant think of a story’stories have a long tradition in the Writing group and this is an excellent addition to both this prompt and that tradition.

      I love the inclusion of a modern muse, and especially the Muse being fed up with fictional you trying to just milk her xD This could be a whole anime! Id watch it.

      I hope after this story your muse will be a bit more lenient, especially after her suggestion spawned such a good prompt-story.

      Great work on the dialog and setting the scene Lavorther!

    2. John Perceval Cain (oneeye John) Avatar
      John Perceval Cain (oneeye John)

      Nicely done. I enjoyed the Meta on writing and prompts-very fun. Your prose was engaging and fast-paced. You had a pleasant mix of action and dialog. A slight bit of exposition, either internal reaction or more setting, would modulate the pacing. Loved the twist and on topic. Great.

  4. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    When the bottle cracks
    By Jesse Fisher

    This emotion…I must keep it down. A clenched fist, grinding teeth, a twitch of the eye. It is not the time to let it out. Ignore the others and just focus on the task at hand. This should be easy, just let them go and I’ll be alone again. Then I can relax and let the emotion smolder and let itself die.

    “I don’t know if you noticed…”

    Yes I NOTICED, I see it every day because I”m here and taking care of stuff while you are off elsewhere. How could I not NOTICE, I’ll take care of it once you’re gone because YOU’LL leave it to me anyway.

    “Are you even listening to me? When did you get to be so rude?”

    When did you not take the hint that I’m agitated from this? I mean have to be shaking right now, surely you must notice that, oh great noticer of things. No keep your emotions in check, they will just move on after a bit. I know this game, is it even a game or am I just trying to justify my thinking.

    “You know you just live in this room and never see the world.”

    Ignore… “You know if you got all the things figured out why are you wasting time here?”

    “What do you mean ‘wasting time’?”

    “If you are this perfect person then why are you telling me this stuff if you think I’m too dumb to notice it?”

    “I never said that…”

    “No you implied it, and don’t you dare tell me otherwise.”

    1. Lavorther Avatar
      Lavorther

      Interesting take on the prompt. But well done, the frustration and tension is clear from the first paragraph and made me tense up just reading it. Very effective in getting the emotion across long before it’s stated explicitly what that emotion is.

      Also the miscommunication here is too real, I’ve been on both sides of a similar conversation in the past. Impressive how much you managed to do with so few words.

  5. GJFuller Avatar
    GJFuller

    In Defiance of Fate
    By Giovanna J. Fuller

    “Aethra, don’t do it!”

    The young woman stared down into the casam that led to the bowels of the earth. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from it. The horrible, intrusive thoughts kept her in place while her survival instinct was screaming at her to step away. The pit called to her, enticing her to take that final step forward and slip into the abyss. It would be so quick. Just one, last decision and she would be gone. The idealization of her final moments alive were blocked by the pounding of her heart. She didn’t want to do this. She didn’t want it to be this way. She didn’t-

    Footsteps against the cold stone of the wall’s pathway brought her attention back to her surroundings.

    “Don’t come any closer.”

    The king knelt before his successor, pleading. “Ae, let’s talk. Just come back down and we can-” Aethra pulled the gemstone from her pocket, the sight of it silenced him.

    “All of our troubles stem from this.” She raised it high so that it caught the sun’s light. Red and blue, but never purple, rays reflected off its shiny edges.

    The girl’s mentor slowly rose. “You would deprive our people of our birthright? The power promised to us by the ancients, you would kill yourself and take the crystal with you?”

    “A king who rules with absolute power is no monarch…she is a monster.” Aethra looked at him one last time, as though to memorize his features for the future. “Tell them I’m sorry. If there was any other way, I-” She stopped herself. “It is a fitting end. Goodbye.”

    “No!”

    Her fingers tightened around the crystal and she stepped forward.

    1. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      I was not expecting this noble sacrifice angle. Nicely done! I love the little thing that you used to establish the knight’s relationship with Aethra. You could have spelled it out for us, but instead you have him call her a pet name. If there was something you could have improved on, and this is likely a nitpick, is that you could have left it at “The young woman stared down into the chasm.” To me, chasm implies an opening in the earth. Still, I don’t think that detracts from the story you told. Nicely done!

    2. John Perceval Cain (oneeye John) Avatar
      John Perceval Cain (oneeye John)

      Very well done. You had a nice crescendo to the end. Good mix of dialog, exposition and some action. Pacing matched the rising action well. Got some sense of Aethra, but I would have liked a bit more about the world or relationship that got us to this moment. Spoke to the prompt nicely!

  6. i-prefer-the-tem-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-tem-antihero

    [Removed]

    1. Ooooo this is that interesting blend of a simple idea in a complex setting and I’m very much here for it. Lestair just wants to be able to hang around with his brother again and he’s trying to figure it out(though the ending kind of hints at him trying to kill two birds with one stone).

      You do a good job with getting Savion’s personality across with this. You can tell that the idea of being human for him is the worst, even if he agrees begrudgingly that it would probably work and that he clearly has at least an idea of how to pull it off.

      The ending actually packs a pretty big punch even without the specifics of things like, why Lestair wants to be human regardless. It makes that clear line in the sand that Savion might(and as those of us familiar with the story know, WILL) have to become a human no matter what.

      I was curious though if the “Savion paused.” was supposed to happen twice for effect? It threw me off a bit initially.

    2. Rattus Avatar
      Rattus

      Ooo, that last line was spicy. And very interesting, given that they both end up human. I loved seeing Lestair jump around like a puppy with all his excitement.

      |Savion paused. And that was enough

      These two lines were so good, quite possibly my favourite in the whole piece. They were so simple, yet conveyed so much emotion and spoke volumes toward how much they know each other. Great job!

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Interesting, interesting… So Savion wasn’t always human… Nicely done. The characterization was excellent, and I really enjoyed the dialogue and character chemistry. I did have some problems with the overall composition of the story. My nitpick is when you had “Savion paused” one after the other. My big complaint, however, is the overall talk-y nature of the piece. There were times where I felt like the characters existed in a void. Are their voices echoing off castle walls? Absorbed into thick jungle foliage? Carried away by desert winds? These kinds of details would have grounded this scene into the world you’re making. It’s difficult to do with the word limit, but I believe you can do it. I’m curious to see Lestair’s next course of action.

    4. Lavorther Avatar
      Lavorther

      I like it. There’s a lot of subtext and reveals, but still easy to follow, even for someone like me who hasn’t heard of these characters before. Though as others pointed out, the double “Savion paused” threw me off too when I first read it. I’m not sure if that was intentional or just an editing artifact.

      Also, very nitpicky, but I want to give you some kind of constructive feedback at least: Near the beginning you wrote “Lestair began jumping excitedly around him.” Personally, I avoid writing “began to” structures like this, and just write what happens, in this case, “Lestair jumped excitedly around him.” It’s more punchy, and the beginning of the action is still implied. And it also saves you a word, which is always useful when writing for these prompts.

      Either way, nicely done. Looking forward to learning some more about these characters.

  7. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    An Unexpectedly Sticky Friend (Nyx’s Story)
    By Calliope Rannis

    Nyx finished packing her supplies and stood, looking out towards the rising dawn.

    The forest had been a fun change of scenery. But she was definitely looking forward to urban life again, despite the dangers of her work.

    She stepped forwards, and –

    “H-Hey! You’re already leaving?”

    Nyx turned back to find her new half-hag friend, freshly awake and confused. “I’m not much of a goodbyes person,” she said apologetically. “And I’ve got a long way to go, so I should-”

    “You could have told me dear!” Louise replied with exasperation. “I would have started packing up earlier!”

    “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t – wait, why are YOU packing?”

    As Nyx said this, Louise was already rushing across the camp, piling up bottles and bugs. “To go with you, of course!” She called back matter-of-factly.

    Nyx blinked. “Uh-um-what do you-erm, I mean, why? Like, thank you for saving my ass with all those witches and everything, but you don’t need to escort me out…”

    Her words did not seem to slow down her friend’s bustling manner. “I said I was going with you, silly! Not escorting you, that’s completely different!”

    Wait, GOING going? As in, all the way to –

    Nyx walked up to Louise, clasping her shoulders with her hands to keep her in place. “You really, really shouldn’t be doing that. My life is – well, it’s dangerous. Especially for you.”

    Louise looked up at her, affronted. “You think this forest is safer than your buildings?”

    “No-no, I don’t. But, this forest is your life, and has your dangers. And the city has my life, and my dangers. It’s different, and it could get you in big trouble.”

    “Hmm!” Louise looked thoughtful for a moment, before a sly grin crawled up her face. “Well, if I do get in trouble, then I suppose you will have to protect me then, won’t you?”

    Nyx’s cheeks reddened. “Err, I don’t know if I-”

    “After all, I did that for you. It’s a fair exchange dear!” Her grin widened.

    Nyx tilted her head resignedly, and smiled. “Fine then! But don’t say I didn’t warn you.“

    1. Oh my God, these two are so frickin adorable and I love them more and more with each story lol. It’s especially funny seeing Nyx being so flustered by the casual affection.

      That said, Nyx did a great job of explaining why she was worried for Louise without getting too specific, for all the good it did. I like that idea that we get used to our own kind of dangers and don’t want the people we care about exposed to them.

      Louise’s ending logic that she protected Nyx, so it’s only fair for Nyx to do the same was delightful in its simplicity.

      It does make me wonder if this is what leads to Nyx leaving her behind in the previous story, but I like the hopeful ending in this one. Great story!

    2. Rattus Avatar
      Rattus

      Man I love these two! Their relationship is so sweet, it’s always great to read about. The emotion came through in the dialogue really well, I definitely felt like I could feel what the characters were feeling the whole way through. Very well done!

    3. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Gosh they’re so CUUUUTE. I think my review is just basically going to be “this line is cute, and this line is cute, and this line is cute…” XD
      It’s very neat to read a scene at the beginning of their relationship after reading a scene much later in their relationship last time, and being able to compare how different the two are.

      “You could have told me dear!” Louise replied with exasperation. “I would have started packing up earlier!”
      “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t – wait, why are YOU packing?”
      As Nyx said this, Louise was already rushing across the camp, piling up bottles and bugs. “To go with you, of course!” She called back matter-of-factly.”
      –Hahaha, I’m dying, this is too precious. Like it didn’t even cross Louise’s mind that they wouldn’t go together. Also “bottles and bugs” is cute, and funny, and a cool cadence.

      Those witches wouldn’t happen to be Louise’s mothers would they? Well, Nyx probably would have said “hags” if that was the case. Still, I’m curious if they have any real importance.

      “but you don’t need to escort me out…”
      Her words did not seem to slow down her friend’s bustling manner. “I said I was going with you, silly! Not escorting you, that’s completely different!”
      –I haven’t really thought about that before, but yeah, that’s very true, and a good argument! And, well, very cute XD

      “Especially for you”? Why especially?

      “You think this forest is safer than your buildings?”
      “No-no, I don’t. But, this forest is your life, and has your dangers. And the city has my life, and my dangers.”
      –A neat exchange, and I actually think Nyx’s argument is one of the best “it’s not safe for you” arguments I’ve seen.

      “Well, if I do get in trouble, then I suppose you will have to protect me then, won’t you?”
      Nyx’s cheeks reddened. “Err, I don’t know if I-”
      “After all, I did that for you. It’s a fair exchange dear!” Her grin widened.
      –This is where Louise’s fae blood is coming out, isn’t it? A very neat way to both flirt and actually make sense XD

      Is the title supposed to be a play on the fact that Louise is sticking with her, and that she might genuinely be sticky?

      I don’t really have anything deep to say about this one XD It’s just so darn cute! A very enjoyable read.

  8. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “Homecoming”
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane

    The little red hut sat on a lonely hill. The two trees beside it stretched towards the dark dismal sky, bottles tied to its branches swaying in the wind. Lightning flashed as Rot approached the hut. This was it. This was the house her mother had lived in. This was where she was born. The hut seemed to inhale as the red-headed inquisitor approached the door and knocked.

    Rot had hoped for an older woman who would call her by a different name. She had hoped for an embrace she could finally collapse into. She had hoped for a long stay that she could tell Tobias about when she returned. Instead, a bloodshot eye peered between the door and its frame. It looked up at Rot and immediately slammed the door.

    Rot sniffed. Something smelled off in the hut. The inquisitor drew her trusty tomahawk and kicked the door. With a crack of splintered wood, the door toppled in with a loud crack. Thunder boomed as Rot stood in the doorway. The woman in the hut cowered in the back corner, her ten wings covering herself from harm. The hut’s room glowed with a light that humans mistook as holy. But Rot wasn’t human. She knew what this thing was. And it certainly had taken her mother.

    “On your feet, demon!” Rot barked.

    The figure obeyed despite its own will. It lowered its wings, revealing dozens of eyes upon an androgynous human form. Its expression contorted into malice as Rot brought her tomahawk to its throat.

    “Speak! What was here?” Rot said, pressing the blade into the skin.

    The demon shrieked with a sound that could shake the firmament. “There… there was a woman here. A witch! Yeeeees, a witch. She! She-she-she-she was the one who summoned me.”

    “Liar!” The tomahawk blade eased into the skin, molten gold blood beginning to bead against it.

    “Better for a dark witch to lose her life to a demon than a werewolf.” It cackled.

    With one motion, the demon’s head toppled to the floor. The work done, Rot sat down and cried.

    1. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      Well if we did not feel for Rot before this does make it easier to see her in a sympathy light. I see the theme of this week to be very human, a loss not only given the world but also one meant to be a reprieve from said world. The sense of dread was great and I enjoyed it very much so.

    2. Revisis Avatar
      Revisis

      I really like this story, it’s opening feels alot like a classic fairytale.
      The scenery setup, and even our protagonists name being a colour, and even the personification of the hut with it breathing in.

      Also, I like how the prompt inside the story isnt that obvious with it being unspoken as Rot kills the Demon.

      Overall this feels like quite the sad story, Rot trying to find something of a peaceful break from her life only to find that sanctuary lost forever.

      Excellent Story Wolf!

  9. Rattus Avatar
    Rattus

    Like Father, Like Daughter (Illusions of Heroes)
    by Gerrit (Rattus)

    Hiqir stood with his arms above his head, a feigned look of fear on his face. “Please, don’t do this! I’m innocent!” The wooden sword stabbed between his ribs and he fell to the ground, clutching his chest where the wound would have been.

    As he dropped to the floor he began to laugh, a sentiment echoed by Rhiza standing only a few feet from him.

    “Got you, foul beast! I’m the greatest knight in all the land!” Rhiza shouted her victory as she came to stand next to her downed father, fists on her hips. “I’m gonna be even stronger than you someday, Dad.”

    *****

    Pleasant memories faded away as reality came crashing back down. Hiqir stood, hands at his side, breath coming heavy and ragged. One hand still clutched around the hilt of his sword, but he knew there was no use in swinging it.

    The point of his enemy’s sword pressed against his chest, almost to the point of drawing blood. Somewhere between a rapier and a longsword, it was thin enough to pierce weak points in armour, while still thick enough to parry any oncoming blows.

    Two runes had been carved at the base of the blade, evidence that this knight was of no little skill. ‘Sharpness’ and ‘Strength’, two basic runes, but impressive even still.

    “Any last words, Undying?” The last word was laced with mockery. She seemed to be taking pleasure in knowing she would render his title a lie.

    “I’m sorry. I wish I could have done you better, if only I’d known how. But I’ll always love you.”

    “Don’t!” She spat out her words nearly the moment his were finished. “How dare you say that to me, after everything you’ve done?”

    Hiqir stayed silent for a moment, searching for any words that might pacify her. He knew there were none.

    “You’ve become a truly great knight, Rhiza. Even more so than myself. This will likely earn you another rune, once the Pillars learn of your triumph.” He let his sword fall to the ground, and smiled.

    1. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      All of the slow claps. This was fantastic. Hiqir and Rhiza’s sparring paralleled the later duel beautifully. I also love this idea of a father’s pride undermining to this victorious moment for Rhiza. Obviously something happened to estrange them, but that familial love of a daughter still persists. In this moment, the morality of that schism doesn’t matter. Hiqir is proud of Rhiza’s accomplishments, and Rhiza hates that. Hopefully you’ll explore this more.

    2. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Ooof. This is a powerful one. I’m always a fan of mirroring, but I wasn’t expecting the latter scene to go so dark, and hit so hard.

      Always love a cute dad-and-daughter scene. Not much to say about the first scene other than that it was super cute and I enjoyed it.

      “One hand still clutched around the hilt of his sword, but he knew there was no use in swinging it.”
      –A nice set up of the scene. It also takes a moment to say who’s attacking, so that’s part of why I didn’t realize how direct the mirroring would be.

      The runes are interesting. Is she from the same island where they use that runic magic? Or is it rarer where she comes from and she somehow learned about it?

      “Any last words, Undying?” The last word was laced with mockery. She seemed to be taking pleasure in knowing she would render his title a lie.”
      –Probably my favorite line, and also the line that makes me the most curious. Why was he called Undying?

      “I’m sorry. I wish I could have done you better, if only I’d known how. But I’ll always love you.”
      –Okay no, paired with *this* it’s my favorite line. I love the juxtaposition between the violence of the action and her words, and the kindness in his words. It’s powerful.

      ” after everything you’ve done?”
      –Very curious what he’s done, and if it’s really as bad as she makes it out

      “searching for any words that might pacify her. He knew there were none.”
      –I like how in the end he doesn’t try to pacify her, instead he just says what he truly wants to say, knowing this is the end.

      Really neat and well done story!!

  10. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    What a Terrible Night (Students of the DiamondBridge Academy universe)
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)
    (cw: blood)

    Roselyn tapped her toe against the carpet of her mother’s mansion’s study, staring out the window to the snow-covered grounds outside.

    Sam was late. Nearly twenty minutes late, which was unusual for the batfolk. She was always punctual when Roselyn invited her to provide a welcome distraction from her mother’s parties. But this party was special! Her mother’s Solstice Celebration! The perfect day to finally ask Sam for a dance! So why was she late—

    With a creaking of hinges, the window flew open. In fell Sam and a pile of snow.

    “Sam!” Roselyn smiled. “You’re finally here! What took you so—”

    “D—don’t…”

    “Huh?”

    Sam tried to push herself off the floor with her left arm, then collapsed again. Roselyn couldn’t get a good look at her face in the dim lighting.

    “Sam, you’re just in time for the main celebration! You can get up, right?” She reached down and grabbed Sam’s hand.

    “No!” Sam yanked her arm free.

    Roselyn held her hand up, frozen. She suddenly realized it was sticky. The cold air was starting to reek of blood.

    “I have—” Sam propped herself against the wall, “—sprinted here, through a blizzard, in the sky, with almost no moonlight to power me—” she winced, “—and I fell on some trees, probably broke something—”

    “I can fix it!” Roselyn reached for her wand. “One minute, and then we can dance—”

    “I do all this, and for what?” Sam got back on her feet, her fangs catching the light. “For you to blatantly ignore me and my friends at school? For me to spend evenings like this following your every request? To be treated like a toy for your own amusement?”

    Roselyn dropped her wand, eyes widening and watering.

    Sam sighed. “I can’t talk to you right now. I’m going home. Don’t EVER invite me here again.”

    She shuffled towards the window.

    Roselyn stretched her hand out. “I—”

    “What?” Sam hissed.

    “… I’ll arrange a car for you. And a coat.”

    “I’ll wait by your stupid front doors.”

    Sam hopped the windowsill.

    Roselyn let her tears fall.

    “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

    1. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      Oh no! I presume this is early in their relationship, but I wonder if I’m missing something here. Although I have to admit, I’ve only been really getting into the DiamondBridge setting recently, so I’m not sure if I just missed this. But I feel like I’m not completely understanding Sam making it all the way to Roselyn’s house, just to tell her off and leave, even if the journey was agonizing.
      Anyway, the end did leave me very sad, which I’m sure is what you were going for. I really feel like if Sam gave her a chance to explain, Roselyn would be able to set this right. Thanks, Carrie.

    2. L. L. Marco Avatar
      L. L. Marco

      D: While this feels like a much needed c0nversati0n, it still makes me sad that it needed t0 be discussed. Sam’s right; in this instance, she was being used as a t0y. R0selyn even thinks 0f her that way in her internal dial0gue; a ‘welc0med distracti0n’. This was an excellent way t0 write a breaking p0int in a seemingly 0ne-sided relati0nship; s0metimes s0mething as simple as tripping while carying s0me0ne’s b00ks can trigger s0mething in y0ur brain, i cant imagine h0w it w0uld feel t0 have that switch flicked because I fell int0 s0me trees and g0t cut up. P00r Sam :c

      I h0pe R0selyn learns fr0m this.

      my 0nly critique is s0me sentences fl0w a little strangely. Saying “m0ther’s mansi0n’s study” instead 0f ‘m0ther’s study’ w0uld let the eye fl0w easier with that sentence, and the way the “she was always punctual” sentence is written feels a little disj0inted. But 0verall, this was a well written piece and kept me engaged the wh0le time. G00d j0b!

  11. MasaCur Avatar
    MasaCur

    A Shiny Red Button
    By MasaCur

    Myrgan finished cutting open the blast door with the plasma cutter. Together, he and Rydia pried the doors apart.

    Myrgan looked around the empty command center. “Well, the place looks abandoned. I guess we should see what we can find out here.” He made his way to one of the terminals and tried to boot it up.

    “Oooh! Shiny!” Rydia said.

    Myrgan didn’t even look over at her. “What did you find, Rydia?”

    “A button! A big, shiny red one!”

    Dread filled Myrgan’s soul. “Don’t touch anything!” He managed to connect to the outpost’s server, and started scanning through folders for information.

    “I’m the captain; you’re just the underling. You can’t tell me what to do!”

    Myrgan slapped his hand onto his helmet, right above his forehead. He jumped out of his chair and bolted to Rydia. “Stop whatever imbecilic thought is staggering through the street carnival you call a brain! We’re here to find out why the outpost was abandoned, not to engage in your every childish whim!”

    Rydia stuck her tongue out. “If they didn’t want me to push the button, they shouldn’t have made it so enticing.” Her hand hovered over the big red button.

    Myrgan slapped Rydia’s hand away from it. “Go find something else to do!”

    “Spoilsport!”

    “The button even says ‘Danger’ on it in big letters! Clearly this is not a button for touching!”

    Rydia crossed her arms, clearly sulking. “Fine. I’ll go explore somewhere. Maybe in engineering.”

    “I swear by Gorlach of the Unending Marsh, if you push any buttons that you clearly shouldn’t, I’m going to get back on our ship, and leave you here to die.”

    “Well, don’t worry about it, because I clearly won’t.”

    Myrgan sat back down in front of the terminal, and found the daily logs for the outpost. He started poring through the files going from newest to oldest.

    Minutes later, the intercom crackled to life. “Attention. Self destruct sequence initiated. Please evacuate according to command protocols. Thirty rotational segments and counting.”

    Myrgan thumped his helmet against the terminal screen with a groan.

    1. L. L. Marco Avatar
      L. L. Marco

      We’ve all had a b0ss like this >:c A classic case 0f stubb0rnness and curi0usity winning 0ut 0ver c0mm0n sense; Rydia is entertainingly bratty the wh0le time and I really like the snide dial0gue fr0m Myrgan. I new fr0m the sec0nd I started reading this interacti0n that it w0uld end the way it did and yet I was th0r0ughly entertained the wh0le time. I can practically feel the irritati0n Myrgan has and hear the thump 0f his helmet 0n the terminal.
      Despite it turning int0 a pretty seri0us situati0n, y0u managed t0 keep a j0vial j0king vibe t0 the entire piece. Great j0b! c:

    2. Lol well he has to leave Rydia there till get blown up now, right? Is he not a man of his word?

      All honesty though, this was a really fun story. I love the simplicity of don’t push the clearly dangerous button. You know she’s going to do it. He knows she’s going to do it. Everyone knows that button is getting pressed and it’s still funny when it happens.

      At least it took her a few minutes to do it. Hopefully he’ll get the info he needs before they have to abandon ship. Great take on the prompt!

  12. No Pain, No Gain
    By Marx

    Matt longingly looked at the glowing red sign above the exit. It was like it was taunting him. Calling to him, not unlike a Siren. It would be so easy. It was a straight shot from where he sat. He could make it. He didn’t belong here. He could escape. He could be free of his eternal torment of the damned.

    “How do these look?” Caitlyn arrived once more and lifted her foot for Matt’s benefit to show off her shoes.

    He winced, realizing his escape was impossible for the time being. “They… look like the last pair…”

    Caitlyn’s beautiful golden eyes narrowed in clear exasperation as she blew her light brown hair from her face. “Baaaaaaaabe, these are completely different! These are white with polka dots and the other pair were white with circular negative spaces!”

    “Right… Negative… spaces… That’s… completely different, huh? Don’t know what I was thinking.” Matt sighed. “And what were the ones before that again…?”

    “Those were the Swiss Cheese pattern.” Caitlyn replied, rolling her eyes. “I’m really going to need you to focus here.”

    “I’m focused. I’m focused. I’m… right over here focusing up a storm.” Matt nodded, feigning as much enthusiasm as he could when he realized the danger he was in. “Okay… I would say… those are the best so far. The ones you’re wearing now.”

    Caitlyn gave Matt a blank look. “The ones I’m wearing right now? Babe, they don’t even go with the dress.”

    “If they weren’t an option to begin with, WHY were you asking me in the first place…?”

    “Because I wanted your opinion! Ugh!” Caitlyn stomped off again down the shoe aisle.

    “Matt…” Laila leaned over and whispered in his ear. “I love you. And because I love you, I’m willing to help you out here. Flee. Flee and never return to this place.”

    “But… she’s trying on swimsuits after this…”

    Laila paused, mirroring Caitlyn’s earlier blank expression. “You are such a… teenage boy…”

    “I know! But… I mean… LOOK at her!” Matt motioned to the aisle.

    “Fine.” Laila crossed her arms. “Then you’ve chosen suffering.”

    1. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      No Matt! Just, no! It’s not worth it. I don’t care how hot she looks.
      This was a fun and somewhat relatable story, Marx. I know how this feels. Maybe not to this extent, but I understand the “They all look the same to me, just pick one already!” scenario. The funny thing is that Matt realizes this is suffering, and yet, when Laila gave him the out, he chose to continue the agony with the hope that it will pay off. Anyway, this one made me laugh. I love it.

      1. Lol Matt is young at this point. He still has much to learn. I’m glad it got a laugh out of you though. It was an idea that came to me while I was working on a completely different idea and it was just too funny to let go.

        Thanks so much for the review!

    2. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      So, I quickly read through all the private group stories the other day, and then I started rereading the first paragraph of yours after reading Makokam’s today. I was going to comment on how interesting it was that your stories had such similar vibes–starting off with me thinking they’ll be sinister, when actually it’s just girlfriend shenanigans. And then I kept reading and the girlfriends *literally have the same name, spelled the same way* XD I don’t know if it was intentional, but it was hilarious.

      Anywho, similarities aside, I do love how sinister and hilariously overdramatic the first paragraph is, and how it sets up a perfect subversion.
      In your last story, he hears that heaven is about to come do some smiting and he just sighs and is casually like “I’m going to have to have a talk with that fairy” and then in this story is girlfriend is trying on shoes and he’s thinking “He could be free of his eternal torment of the damned.” XD Fantastic.

      All of Matt’s lines are funny and relatable but ” I’m… right over here focusing up a storm.” is probably my favorite.

      “when he realized the danger he was in.”
      –Again, so funny his danger alarms are going off when his girlfriend is trying on clothes. But also…yeah, that’s a good thing to realize.

      “The ones I’m wearing right now? Babe, they don’t even go with the dress.”
      “If they weren’t an option to begin with, WHY were you asking me in the first place…?”
      “Because I wanted your opinion!”
      –Gosh, I’m so with Matt here. In addition to sharing his feelings on fashion, by this point I’m just sitting here, wanting to yell at my screen “OBVIOUSLY YOU DIDN’T” XD

      “Matt…” Laila leaned over and whispered in his ear. “I love you. And because I love you, I’m willing to help you out here. Flee. Flee and never return to this place.”
      –Gosh I love Laila so much. Like I just imagine her saying this completely monotone and serious, haha.

      “You are such a… teenage boy…”
      –Okay, now I’m with Laila XD. And weirdly I can’t really think of any better response than this.

      Can Caitlyn see Laila? Is this early on into Matt learning about his powers?

      Very cute story!!

  13. L. L. Marco Avatar
    L. L. Marco

    Seperation

    By L. L. Marco

    Ajila ducked her head down as another set of footsteps rushed by their hiding place. She couldn’t see how many agents had swarmed around the abandoned building but she knew it was too much for her to handle. or rather… her eyes drifted over to her companion, sitting unusually still beside her. It wasn’t that Ajila couldn’t take them on. It was that if she unleashed her full potential, she couldn’t keep Rhian out of the crossfire. That was the one thing Ajila wouldn’t risk; she would not sacrifice her friend to save herself. So there was only one choice.

    “Listen and do not argue,” Ajila whispered, placing her hands on Rhian’s shoulders. “They only want me. Shapeshift into one of them and slip out the back; they will never know the difference. You can still leave.”

    Rhian’s eyes widened. She opened her mouth to speak but nearby footsteps silenced her; instead, she shook her head. Ajila’s brow furrowed; every second wasted was another moment closer to them being discovered. There wasn’t any time for this.

    “I won’t leave you,” Rhian whispered. “You didn’t do anything! W-we can explain it to them… We…”

    “You know that is not how this will go, Rye. Do this for me–”

    Warmth. It bloomed across her lips and down her entire body as Rhian, with all the bravery she had, silenced Ajila with a kiss. Their first. Ajila was completely caught off guard. Before she could return the kiss, Rhian pulled back and her body immediately began The Shift.

    Ashen skin replaced her pale flesh; her skin cracked and her form grew. It took Ajila a moment to process what was happening. Why she she looking at an exact copy of… herself.

    “Prove our innocence, Ajila.” Rhian took a deep breath and then stood. It all happened so fast, but to Ajila, the moment moved like sludge. She watched, horrified, as her friend leapt from their hiding spot and straight into the enemy. The enemy that knew no difference between a shapeshifter and Ajila. Rhian looked back and mouthed one single word:

    ‘Run.’

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      It’s been a while since I’ve read one of your pieces, Marco, and it’s great to read your work again! Even though this piece feels like it’s built on more context than 350 words allows, I still understood what was going on. A very touching yet somber scene overall, and I wish Ajila and Rhian a happy ending. Great job!

  14. John Perceval Cain (oneeye John) Avatar
    John Perceval Cain (oneeye John)

    A Long Night.
    John Perceval Cain (oneeye John)

    I woke with a start. My heart raced, and I rose. Sarge was looking out from our improvised foxhole. Slowly, I surveyed the surrounding terrain. The clouds were clearing, and a crescent moon shone, illuminating the ground near us.

    Crack!

    Time seemed to slow as Sarge’s body rocked back. A cavity covering one third of his head appeared. In that moment I could make out a red angry mass of brain tissue, the surrounding white jagged fractured skull and frayed Kevlar of his helmet. A spray of blood, tissue, and fragments splattered me, and the sick, sweet smell of blood assailed my nose.

    I shook my head and my heart raced. As I tried to force myself to slow my breathing, I sat up and blinked my eyes. I was back in my room, the lousy efficiency, the only thing I could afford with my VA disability.

    I sat up, reached for the bottle of Jim Beam on the table next to the couch, and chugged the rest of it. It burned as I swallowed it down and waited for the oblivion it promised. My sight was blurry, and I blinked away tears.

    “Shit.”

    The alcohol wasn’t working. Another night, another nightmare. If I couldn’t numb the ghosts, the half-drunk ‘whys’ would come. Why was it that Sarge died, and I didn’t? Then the mix of more flashbacks and memories of all the others I lost or couldn’t save would come.

    “Not again. I can’t. I just can’t.”

    I reached over; opened the drawer on the table and took my M1911 pistol out. Sliding the action open, I confirmed there was a round in the chamber and put the barrel in my mouth, the metal cool against my skin.

    Someone knocked on the door. “John, are you in there? John!”

    I didn’t answer and pushed the barrel deeper and aimed towards my brain.

    The door opened. “It was unlocked.” Terry, the outreach peer vet, stood in the doorway. He turned towards me, “Don’t you dare.”

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      This is incredibly dark while still maintaining relatability, and that’s not easy to do. I know I personally have no combat experience nor have witnessed something as tragic as what John relives in his nightmares, but I can still relate to his pain and feelings. (Also, I couldn’t help but notice your name is also John and if this story is based in personal experience, I am so sorry for you.) Your descriptions, while grim, are also very well written. A powerful piece, John. Great job!

    2. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      You know it’s not often we get war tales like this. The PTSD is well done here, we are at the trauma and then snap to the current day. Some people are going to to have issue with the ending, mostly personal taste. Very good story and very strong with the theme of this week.

      1. John Perceval Cain (oneeye John) Avatar
        John Perceval Cain (oneeye John)

        For clarity, while the end is left hanging, there should be no question about the outcome as the current day is in past tense, a finger was never on trigger, the safety was never touched and the hammer never pulled back.

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