Writing Group: Sins of the Father (PRIVATE)

Hello, Preachers and Padres!

Fathers always tend to be someone to look up to. Someone who can protect the family against harm and fault. The big, strong patriarch. But what if he’s the one that people need protection from? What if he’s wearing a mask? Perhaps it’s time to peek at his true nature, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Sins of the Father

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

We all want to feel safe. A sense of safety gives us peace of mind, and a place to relax. This can often be in the presence of family. Fathers, for the longest time, have been considered the “head” of the family. They were a symbol of bravery, strength, and discipline. Had they a son, they were expected to pass on the responsibility to him. Had they a daughter, they were expected to protect her from the world that wanted to do her harm. 

But what if the man they show everyone else isn’t the man they really are? So many look up to this upstanding person who seems so perfect, so ideal. Yet one little slip could reveal all the skeletons hiding in his closet. Perhaps he has a wandering eye, and has a hard time remaining faithful to his wife. Perhaps he has a habit of sneaking money from the register at work, or having a few sips of alcohol on the job. Maybe he puts his friends above his family, always coming home late and going straight to bed. Maybe he just keeps putting the family in debt and continuously fails to make things right.

As Launcelot quoted in The Merchant of Venice, “the sins of the father are to be laid upon the children.” This line, without scene context of course, can be taken many ways. Perhaps it is up to the children to settle their father’s debts, whether they be bills, rent, or paying back money he owes to people he’s borrowed from. Maybe he has stirred up all kinds of trouble in his life, and it is left to his children to right all his wrongs. Likewise, perhaps those who knew the man knew he was no good, and so they cast that image upon his children, who have to then work to break the mold they are forced into. 

Sins come in all shapes and sizes, from a touch of greed, to a drunken one night stand, to full blown murder. 

It is now that you must decide, do you punish him, let him handle it himself, or give him one more chance? 

Whether you wanted it or not, this mantle now falls to you.  

—Shawna

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Comments

77 responses to “Writing Group: Sins of the Father (PRIVATE)”

  1. Connor/Dragoneye Avatar
    Connor/Dragoneye

    A Crown’s Weight
    By Connor/Dragoneye

    “We can’t let her take the throne.”

    Egbert ran his hand along the armrest of the stonework throne. The intricacy of the filigree stared back with yearning. “She is our best option.”

    “No she isn’t, she’s a child!” Heathryn protested. “She has no idea how to lead this nation.”

    “We are here for a reason, Heathryn. Lord Ursaborne requested that we are patient when her time has come.”

    “There is a rebellion ravaging towns! Another Ursaborne will only stir their hatred more.”

    “Then what do you suggest?”

    Heathryn took a deep breath and sighed. “We marry Saethela to a vassal as a consort and let them have the seat.”

    Egbert’s eyes flared with rage. “You’d betray His Lordship’s request?”

    “I knew you would hate that. But this is all we have left. It forces us to make hard choices. If we want peace, this is the best option.”

    “Who’s to say that this rebellion can’t be crushed?”

    Heathryn’s eyes widened. “You would kill innocents? You would gift a child the responsibility to lead a bloody excursion she has never seen in her life?”

    “She is not a child.” With each step toward the priestess, Egbert’s presence grew. He was no longer the demure old man he. “I have seen her craft stonework the likes of which would make a professional mason cry. She has a loyalty to the people around her working with sweat and blood because she has worked in the mines as they have. If there is anyone who truly understood what folly this rebellion is, it would be Saethela.”

    Despite her shrunken stature, Heathyrn gave him a final piece of advise. “Be careful that you do not speak in her stead. She is your lady, not your mouthpiece.”

    “And she is not your child.” With that, Egbert left the chamber, and all the while, the throne awaited, eager for an occupant.

  2. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    Sins accepted
    By Jesse Fisher

    The bar was dead at the moment, which in of itself is not an uncommon thing. Gods of the dead, death, and afterlife do come in and enjoy the drinks. This however has many zombie lords that come in to exchange many ways to fight the cure’s of their worlds. And where there are zombie lords then there must be zombie followers.

    And the navy demon wolf had to push his way through the horde as he tried to get to the serving bar in the back. The smell of rotten flesh was near unbearable, and the back of the bar was no better. Not to mention some of the walking corpses had holes in their guts.

    “So what are the issues this time?” The wolf’s question to the barkeep was answered by one of the hoards.

    “This one,” it said pointing at the barkeep. “Is here dealing with us while his woman is caring for the kid he got. For shame.”

    “You do know he is the god of this place right?” The wolf pointed out, “He could be there right now and we just see a fake him here.”

    “It doesn’t matter, take it from me. If I could go back I would have spent the last of my life with my kids.” The stiff’s face could not change but its body shifted, even causing an arm to fall off. “Instead I ate them, the screams haunt me.”

    “Dude don’t project on others just to make yourself feel better, all that will do is make you worse.” The wolf pointed out. “Granted you don’t have much of a choice in this do you.”

    “The hunger is great in our world, you can not stop it.” That was the reply as it picked up its arm and left.

    The moment the zombie left the heterochromic barkeep looked into the wolf’s yellow eyes.

    “So you’re going to take that to heart?”

    “It’s easier when the mirror is broken.”

    1. The night-unlife scene looks interesting in this story. A god of the undead serving drinks to people who are already dead… drunk.

      Werewolves aren’t technically dead, they’re just working with a transformation curse. Technically. But they’re lumped in with the zombies, mummies, ghosts, ghouls, and so forth. Some people just don’t know their monster classifications.

      Guess the local deity isn’t that discriminating either.

      It took me a hot while to get the last line. Werewolf evidently did a similar thing to zombie guy? Or because the god isn’t looking after his kids, the zombie’s lament should have hit home, but the parallel isn’t complete. Therefore the ‘mirror’ is broken.

      1. jesse fisher Avatar
        jesse fisher

        Fair assessment, more of a demon wolf over werewolf but I get ya. Really while this is the sins of the zombie as a focus said demon has his own kids and worries about all of his past actions will come back to him.

  3. Rattus Avatar
    Rattus

    A Simple Wish (Illusions of Heroes)
    by Gerrit (Rattus)

    “Are you sure this is a good idea?” Ryella asked. The trees were so dense now that even the wind couldn’t reach them.

    “It’s the only choice we have, dear.” Athard placed each foot with care as he walked, the well-worn path having long since faded away.

    The forest gave way to a clearing where a single, large stone sat in the centre. The top was flattened, though by weather or tools Athard couldn’t tell.

    He noticed his wife open her mouth to speak, but before any words could escape, the air became filled with noise. A cacophonous chorus of flapping, as hundreds of birds swooped in from the branches around them and began to swirl around the boulder.

    Soon the feathers and talons merged together, and the mass began to tighten and shrink. Less than a minute after the ordeal had begun, the air was silent again, and a feminine figure was left sitting cross-legged atop the boulder.

    “A couple?” The figure’s voice was soothing and captivating, seeming to fill the air within the clearing. “What is it? Financial struggles? Bad crops?” Her voice lowered to a whisper. “Impotence?”

    “N-none of that, my Lady.” Athard struggled to speak with the confidence he had been rehearsing over the last few weeks. “We would like a child.”

    The figure cocked her head to one side. “A child? I’m assuming if you’ve come all the way to me, there must be some sort of obstacle?”

    Ryella took a single step forward. “We’re both Enhanced, my Lady. All we want is to raise a family, but the magic makes my body inhospitable.”

    “If I were to give you a child, they would inherit magic from both of you. They would be more powerful than any Enhanced. Such a being would either be the world’s salvation, or its ruin.”

    “Please, we’ll give you anything,” Athard pleaded.

    The being raised one eyebrow, a subtle smirk creeping across her lips. “Very well, I will grant you a child. But they will be just as much mine, and I will have them when you are finished.”

    1. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      This is honestly quite perfect. Your dialogue is flawless, your pacing is smooth and flows wonderfully, there’s comedy among the ominous deal being performed and the implication that deal has, and I was riveted. The highlight for me, however, is the formation of the spirit: the way you give just enough to play with the reader’s imagination had me thinking of an amalgamation of birds slowly merging into a feathered deity of the forest.

      Give me more. MORE, I say!

    2. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      Oooh, this at no point seems ominous.
      I really enjoyed the descriptions you gave this, Rattus. Trees so dense that not even the wind could reach them. The cacophonous chorus of birds. I could feel how it was to be in the story.
      I’m also interested in the concept of the Enhanced, and how the magic can be a hinderance. Intriguing worldbuilding.
      Excellent job.

  4. MasaCur Avatar
    MasaCur

    Recruitment
    By MasaCur

    Andrew came to in darkness. His hands and feet were bound; he couldn’t see.

    He wracked his mind to remember how he got here.

    There were two men from the government. They asked him to perform an autopsy.

    The body was a fake. Details were wrong.

    Andrew panicked.

    The agent named Reid hit him, knocked him out cold.

    Andrew thought about his father and the insane story he kept telling. A riddle that turned the man from a respected police inspector to a drunken paranoid recluse. Two agents from the Bureau of Public Safety at his crime scene, showing him a color photograph, and disappearing into the night with the rest of the investigation.

    Andrew didn’t believe him until tonight.

    “Hello?” Andrew called out.

    “Good, you’re awake,” said a voice. It was Richard, the older agent.

    “What are you going to do to me?” Andrew asked, his voice cracking in fear.

    “Dr. Doyle, you need to stay calm.”

    “What are you going to do to me?” he repeated, screaming.

    “Doyle! Calm down. You’re in a government carriage, not far from your hospital. We needed to talk to you in private.”

    Andrew tried to calm down, but was hyperventilating.

    The sack covering his head was removed. He looked down to see the manacles on his wrists.

    “Feel better?” Richard asked. “I need you to remain calm.”

    Andrew took a few deep breaths, trying to keep his heart from beating out of his chest.

    “What–are you going to do to me?”

    Richard leaned back. “I can assure you that no harm will befall you tonight.”

    Andrew felt reassured, but still suspicious. “Twelve years ago, you, or someone from your bureau, came to visit my father.”

    “That was us. Reid and I. Yes.”

    “So, what happens now?” Andrew asked.

    “I’d like to offer you a position in the bureau. I dare say, if your father had shown the same healthy level of suspicion that you’ve shown back in your morgue, then he would have been offered the same.”

    “What?” Fear dissolved into incredulity.

    “I’m offering you a job.” Richard smiled an oily smirk.

    1. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      Your introduction was spot on! The use of quick, single-line sentences read like quickened breaths as Andrew wakes up, putting the reader in his state of mind almost immediately. Using the block text for the backstory also gives the reader time to calm down from the adrenaline rush. Your opening locks in the reader’s attention and holds it there, which is what the opener is all about!

      The subject matter, too, is riveting. However, I felt like there were a lot of moments where you could have shown and not told the audience what Andrew was feeling. For example, instead of having Andrew repeat “what are you going to do to me,” you could have described him frantically pulling at his restraints. Other than that and one minor punctuation mistake, this work was pretty darn great!

      Keep up the good work!

  5. Adrian Solorio Avatar
    Adrian Solorio

    When the Dead Come Home
    By Adrian Solorio

    “Shit!” Joseph glanced at the coffee-maker clock while he filled the thermos his mother had bought him when he started at the warehouse. He couldn’t be late. It was the best gig he’d landed since getting his GED, and it was the only one that helped his mom keep them afloat. Things were finally going smooth, and he couldn’t afford getting written-up. The last thing he needed now were complications.

    Coffee in hand, he walked out the front door, quietly, not wanting to wake his mother. The night before she had been arguing with someone over the phone. Probably her mom or sisters. They always held her past against her, and never let it die. He’d ask her about it later.

    Outside the neighborhood still slept. The sky was an ugly gray, and it smelled like rain. Morning birds chirped in the duplex courtyard, and sounded against the even drone of the freeway traffic a block away. Ahead of him a stranger stood blocking the walkway to the street.

    The man was in his mid-fifties, but looked lost in the nineties. A veterano. His head was shaved, and he held his shoulders high and back, chest out, as if in challenge. He was as tall as Joseph, and shared the same wiry frame. His shirt and levis were crisp with iron-starched lines. Tattoos coiled around his arms and neck.

    “Are you Rita’s son?” the man asked.

    “Who are you?”

    “You don’t remember me? I called last night and I tried to tell your mom–I just got released. Twenty-two years in, and she don’t want your old man back home.”

    “My dad’s dead,” Joseph said, but his words sounded hollow and unconvincing.

    “That’s a lie.”

    Joseph studied the man again. This time slower, fuller. And a dam of memories and unanswered questions that had always swirled in the back of his mind were unleashed, then settled, and a lifelong puzzle fell into place. It all made sense now–everything made sense. “I thought–”

    The man hugged him. And Joseph, even as he realized his life had just gotten more complicated, smiled.

    1. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      The way you introduce the setting of the story is descriptive and immediately pulled me into Joseph’s struggles. It is so good and full of context clues in fact, that I believe that you can remove the “He was still new there and couldn’t be late,” line and it would be perfectly understandable that he was running late. The pacing of your lines, too, are amazing, and I found myself breezing through the work comfortably. Amazing work!

      I have to question the dialogue, however. Joseph and his father haven’t seen each other in 22 years and the first thing dad says is “Joseph, it’s me–your father”? It seems a little on the nose, and quite frankly, lacks the emotional weight of being separated from your child for over two decades. The same can be applied to the rest of the dialogue as well. I feel that if you had removed the dialogue and kept the descriptive way the narrator tells Joseph’s life, it would have been a lot more emotional. Maybe the slow realization that he knows this stranger, and the memories come flooding back. You don’t even have to set it up because you did such a good job laying the foundation of the reveal.

      You’re doing an amazing job! Keep it up!

      1. Adrian Solorio Avatar
        Adrian Solorio

        Well, that’s a great suggestion and I completely agree. I guess I’ll be tinkering around with it tomorrow. Thanks for the excellent feedback!

    2. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      Okay a bit more on the noise with this one but I love the setup here with the backstory and then the reveal. Very good on the moment to absorb for Joseph, like something is clicking until it hits him. Very nice on that it could have been clunky.

  6. John Perceval Cain Avatar
    John Perceval Cain

    Adam, Iblis and Lilith
    John Perceval Cain (oneeye John)

    “So, let me get this right… We’re a patriarchy, with me as the omniscient head, and we didn’t see this coming?”

    “No, Lord.”

    “Wasn’t Paul in charge of this?”

    “Actually Lord, it was Irenaeus of Smyrna. You’re correct, it was in the Pauline tradition. But he really laid down the notion of Original Sin. You remember the Garden story? Eve, the Snake and the Apple.”

    “Three words… Omnipotent, Omniscient and Omnipresent.”

    “Yes, Lord, you remember. Please. Humor me?”

    “Go on, Gabe.”

    “We… Ahem… You inspired Irenaeus to take up the misogynistic and anti-heretical position that woman was the problem. The whole notion of females as the originator of sin was the apologetic position to articulate what generational sin was. In particular, to refute the poets and dramatists who propagate the trope ‘the sins of the father.’”

    “Right, Bill’s fairy with the ‘what fools these mortals be’ and what not. But why isn’t it working?”

    “It doesn’t seem to ring true to many. Women struggle with what they perceive as a vilification campaign. The Vatican’s cover up of Pope Joan, the Magdalene marrying Jesus, and the whole Lilith debacle. The ones who think and exercise their free will just don’t believe us.”

    “Oh, that bitch. She just wasn’t happy with missionary only. Thinking about her own pleasure. Please.”

    “Yes, Lord. But had she not seduced Adam, he would still run around, point at things and name them till today. The species would have never propagated if she didn’t teach him about the sensual arts of the body.”

    “Eve and almost all their daughters and sisters have that independent streak.”

    “Again Lord. As you likely know, had we not created Eve in Lilith’s image, she never would have taken the bite of the apple. Again, two humans in the garden are not an evolving creation. It’s a static work of art.”

    “True. The real first sin was when your brother Iblis refused to bow down to Adam.”

    “Yes Lord. It always was the Sins of The Father.”

    1. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      We don’t see a lot of religious interpretations in TF, so this one is interesting. The ending is a bit on the nose for my taste. It feels unsubtle when you’ve built the argument more casually to this point.

      The premise is interesting, and I think you managed a rather respectful, if irreverent interpretation of Heaven. Good job!

    2. Adrian Solorio Avatar
      Adrian Solorio

      Hi John, this was not something I was expecting, but now in hindsight, it totally makes sense. I’m not super biblical in my knowledge, but this hits. Eve has always been perceived as the one who led Adam to commit the original sin, I guess more so by the more patriarchal types of people in the world. I like they way you spun it to be the sin of the father. At least in this version of the story, things are rectified a bit. Well done!

    3. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      Dialogue is a fantastic tool. Not only can you progress through the plot with dialogue, but you can also further character development, world building, and general information through it as well. As it stands, this story’s dialogue is full of subtext and content–it’s loaded with ideas to pick apart and think about, and I love it.

      Quite frankly, I’m impressed with the bold move of telling this story only though dialogue, but a story of only dialogue is a double-edged sword. It can be very easy to confuse your reader, especially with the fact that there’s no clear indicator of who’s speaking to who. The title of the work is “Adam, Iblis and Lilith,” so my first instinct is to assume they are the one’s speaking, but that assumption is proven wrong when Gabriel is mentioned. Paul is mentioned, but there’s no indication that he’s present in the conversation, but if he was, the reader would have no way of knowing. There could be two, three, or even four speakers here and the reader has no way of knowing for certain. I managed to figure out that at least God and Gabriel are speaking, but I’m unsure if there are more. So many names are mentioned that anyone could be speaking at any given time. Perhaps this could be clarified through more context clues in the dialogue, just to make it clear who is speaking.

      Other than that, this work was a great read! Please keep up the good work!

  7. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    [Removed]

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      And here I thought you wanted to write fluffy stuff this week, Kaylie. Tsk tsk. Lol.

      Seriously, though. This is quite an unexpected turn in Peter and Victor’s dynamic. I did not think Victor would be one to visit a brothel, but a man has needs, I suppose. Peter absolutely oozes disdain and maybe even a little bit superiority. Just because he feels that this place and the people in it are beneath him because of what they do. Makes him a bit hypocritical given that he takes children from their homes and renames them Lost Boys. Just saying.

      I like that you take the time to soak the reader in the atmosphere and the location.

      I actually feel very sad and hurt from Madeline. She probably started out as someone who simply wanted to get by with this job, but it sucked her in and chewed her up and spit her out. Probably not as badly as some of the other women there, but it definitely gave her a lot of bad times, I’m sure. I do wish she could go back to school and do what she wants to do with her life instead of this. That’s a tragic reality for a lot of people in real life, though. Sometimes, you have to get by with doing something that you hate. Definitely can and does leave people jaded. All the while, Peter’s silent cynical judgment is not helping at all. But I do appreciate that you show a different side of his character.

      And of course Victor coming out at the end is the needle drop. I would find it absolutely hilarious if he was there for like experimentations or just looking for spare parts from people instead of looking for sex. Lol.

      The place smelled like a flower shop threw up on a sewer. (Really great and disgusting sensory detail. My imagination and nose thoroughly thank you.)

      The women fastened smiles over grimaces, and the men plastered compliments over sneers. (This is one of my favorite lines because people are going to be people, no matter what, and all of the icky feelings associated with those actions. It also lens some subterfuge to the employees and the customers. No doubt the women are used to this life but still hate it, and the men are judging them while also paying them for their services.)

      Might as well hire a nanny who you trust with your dick too. (This line took me all the way out. Punched me on the broad side of my face, and I fell on the floor and a laughing fit. Definitely not something that I was expecting from your story.)

      Overall, I enjoy the story. This shows that Victor’s sins are not Peter’s, but Peter is allowing himself to be mired within the ickiness of Victor’s past and mistakes. They both have their own reconciliation to do. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing. Can’t wait to see what you post next time.

    2. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Ooooooh, the angst builds! I really like how you structured this, Kaylie. The dialogue followed by Peter’s thoughts could’ve been incredibly unclear from the reader’s perspective, but every character has such a strong voice that it’s always clear who’s narrating. That is a very difficult thing to do, especially in only 350 words, but you’ve made it work. Very impressive. A fun yet suspenseful read, Kaylie. Great job!

    3. “What’s it look like, Dad? I’m getting reacquainted with Maddy.”

      Also, I will fully admit that for a moment, just a moment, I thought, “Peter wishes to sag off her chest? That’s a weird thing to- Lost! He wishes he were lost! Okay, that makes WAY more sense. Moving on!”

      All seriousness, this is done so well. You used your wording perfectly to set the stage here. Everything from the flower shop/sewer analogy to how you described how nobody there was genuine. And that last one was perfect because Peter fit right in as much as he might hate to admit it.

      You could just feel how much he hated being in there, like he would be taking the shower to end all showers when he got home. And he came across so bitter and above it all that it just seemed so real, especially when he cringed at being recognized.

      I really feel for Madeline here. She seems like a total sweetheart and it’s so sad to see her through Peter’s lense of “Oh God! She’s touching me! Where have her hands been?!” as he fakes being cordial with her while all the while wishing he were anywhere else.

      And I will absolutely say that nanny line caught me off guard in the best way. And that line of “At least he was nice to whores.” Had the perfect blend of bitterness to it as well.

      Lol I’m genuinely curious what the conversation is going to be after this.

      Great job as always! Awesome take on the prompt!

    4. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      Damn everyone went full dark this week.

      Peter’s disillusionment seems both complete and recent. He’s still angry and perhaps unnecessarily so, looking at his descriptions of the act and those who engage. And he got rather more vulgar than usual.

      Strangely enough, I think my hiccup with this piece is Peter’s anger. He seems to think Victor has wronged him (or maybe Lizzie) in some way by seeking casual companionship. Yet, he’s using religious ideas (however common at the time) to express his indignation, when as far as I can recall, he isn’t part of the cultural religion.

      That aside, the piece is well written. Great job!

    5. Adrian Solorio Avatar
      Adrian Solorio

      Nice! I really like the wordplay you used in this story. You hit us with some great lines.

      This one:

      The women fastened smiles over grimaces, and the men plastered compliments over sneers.

      And this one:

      The Madam’s chin sagged off her face, and her dress sagged off her chest.

      This just painted a picture in my head, and you accomplished this with a sort of balance…, I forget the exact word for it. It’s a good technique that your really knocked out the park! A parellelism or something like that 🤔

      Well, it’d suck knowing your dad was the type to frequent a place like this, but at least, like Maddy said, He’s one of the nice ones 😂

    6. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      Your imagery is something to behold! The lines, “The place smelled like a flower shop threw up on a sewer. The women fastened smiles over grimaces, and the men plastered compliments over sneers,” really drew me into the scene faster than I realized. Not only do those lines hold so many emotions in them, but they really describe nearly every conceivable background character that may be in the scene. It adds so much to the world of the scene that I’m honestly floored that it’s only two lines.

      The use of the first person narration, too, is really well done! Through the entire scene, I felt as if there may have been more to what was actually happening, but it was filtered through Peter’s eyes. It left me longing to know more about what was happening, and especially more about Madeline. She seems like such a nice, honest woman, and the censorship that Peter’s view holds makes me want to push past and know more about her.

      The only critique I have is one you’ve noted on stream yourself: the heavy use of the enter key. While I’ll admit that the quick lines add a sense of witty banter to the scolding remarks Peter thinks, it sometimes segregates the same idea, or the immediate followup to an idea. The most obvious culprit line is:

      “I wished I was.

      I hated being here. But I was sick of waiting, pretending I didn’t know where he was.”

      But honestly, this issue isn’t even that big of a deal. The content within the story is gold! Please keep up the good work!

  8. VulpesRose Avatar
    VulpesRose

    Family Secrets
    by VulpesRose

    Eve couldn’t go to the courthouse, couldn’t bring herself to watch the coverage of the trial. For the first few weeks, her mother tried but usually left part way through in tears. So every night her father’s lawyer would come and give them a brief update of the day’s events: witnesses who had been called, evidence that had been presented, reactions from the jury.

    He was an older gentleman, the lawyer, and he was always soft spoken with them, clear, and didn’t pull punches about the damaging evidence or the perceived outcome. She was sure he was doing his best, probably more than most defense attorneys would muster given the situation. He didn’t seem entirely convinced of her father’s innocence, but he trudged forward in his duty.

    He assured them that her father was being protected. That the death threats were being taken seriously whenever they had to move him. Details about armed guards and bullet proof vests.

    Her mother finally stopped going to the trial, unable to face the families of the eighteen missing girls her father was suspected of murdering, crimes that stretched back fifteen years. Unable to face the family of the girl only a few years younger than her own daughter, her picture a near constant in the courtroom, her father’s final victim, and currently the only one with enough evidence against him for the DA to press charges.

    The lawyer suspected that the trial had two purposes, to win public trust back, and to get a guilty verdict so they could dangle a plea deal for a lighter sentence. The police wanted to recover the remaining bodies. The families wanted closure. The deal would come.

    Eve hoped there would be no deal, no salvation for the monster whose blood was her own.

    Because Eve knew two things that no one else did.

    That her father’s first victim had been the family golden retriever when she was eleven, for which she had never forgiven him.

    And that the final victim, the one for which he now finally stood trial, wasn’t one of his.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh, Vulpes! There’s such a lovely, creeping dread to this piece! At first, I was very sympathetic towards the father because of how you chose to focus more on the family dynamic and how he was getting death threats and how he had to have bodyguards and bulletproof vests every time they moved him. It was especially sad because of how the mother just couldn’t be at the trial anymore.

      But then the rug pull of him having had at least 17 victims in these young women shows the story in a much different light. So everything is flip-flopped, and the viewpoint of the father now is that he is a monster, and he deserves to be on trial. Some might even say he deserves the death threats and all of the heartache he’s going through because of what he’s done to these women and their families.

      BUT THEN you take it a step further and have the daughter be getting her own killing spree, simply in secret. It’s also quite interesting that she brands her father a monster and doesn’t want any plea bargains and want him to suffer and go to jail for his crimes while she is continuing that legacy. That’s such wonderful, complex character development. I absolutely love that. The sins of the father have now become those of the daughter.

      Also, POOR DOGGY! The doggy didn’t deserve it!

      Also, I really love that even though the lawyer doesn’t have a name, he is still a very important character. All of the characters have their own voices despite the word count limitation. What a great story!

      It’s a wonderfully morose and twisted tale. If I have to critique anything, it’s that it’s too short, which is through no fault of yours. I do so hope you can continue this storyline; it’s got a lot of depth and intrigue. If you can’t, this is great on its own. Thank you very much for writing and sharing this one. Can’t wait to see what you post next.

    2. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      Holy crap. That last line hit me like a baseball bat.
      This was such an interesting story. One that I felt was ambiguous for most of it. I wondered, is the father guilty? Or was this a mistake? But as the story went on, you made the ambiguity less likely, that the father was indeed a monster that committed unspeakable crimes.
      And then you give me that ending, and we know that Eve has done the same thing, and very well could again.
      Hauntingly good story, Rose.

    3. Dear darling daughter killing to send Dad to jail for his crimes? I like it.

      I can only hope that this doesn’t give her “the itch” and make her more like her father than she might like.

      In terms of serial killer development, killing/torturing animals is usually the first red flag in children and teens. Not adults. By the time they’re of parenting age, they’ve usually ‘graduated’ to human victims. [I’m a writer, I research stuff for fun] BUT I am fully prepared to be wrong about that. Show me your sources, I’d love to collect them 😉

      A very evocative piece. Well done.

  9. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    Operation: Get Your Friends Therapy (Students of the DiamondBridge Academy universe)
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    “Wow, Ahna, your house is so pretty!” Roselyn admired the decorations as she crossed the threshold.

    “Yeah, thanks for having us,” Sam followed after, equally impressed.

    “There’s cookies on the table,” Ahna smiled as she closed the door behind her two friends.

    Predictably, they both rushed for the tray. Ahna waved her hand, and a sofa flew from the living room and thudded in front of the door.

    Sam and Roselyn spun around and immediately assumed fighting stances.

    “I just wanna talk!” Ahna held her hands up in a pacifying gesture. “You didn’t answer my questions in text form, so I invited you here. Also, the cookies are yours, and there’s milk in the fridge.”

    Sam growled, only relaxing slightly when Roselyn placed a hand on her shoulder.

    “Please?” Ahna added, an honest smile on her face.

    “Fine.” Sam fell into a chair, folding her arms. “But this is betrayal, so these cookies better be good.”

    “Agreed,” Roselyn delicately plucked one from the tray and took a bite. “Also, when did you text about this?”

    “Friday, and you both responded with ‘lol’ which has me concerned.”

    “Oh! You sent a bunch of emojis that didn’t load,” Sam pulled her flip phone from her hoodie pocket. “Sorry.”

    “I don’t speak emoji, either,” Roselyn said. “Use words instead, please?”

    Ahna huffed. “Whatever. It was about the whole Nicklescribe situation.”

    “What about it?” Roselyn asked. “It’s over.”

    “It’s not over! Our principal tried to kill us! Roselyn got hospitalized! Sam had to teach a whole class with no guidance! And now you’re just acting like nothing happened!” Ahna grabbed her forehead. “Are… are you guys okay?!”

    Sam blinked. Roselyn took another cookie.

    “Well, I still have nightmares,” Sam shrugged. “And Rosie has all those scars.”

    “Still look hot though,” Roselyn smirked.

    “As always, babe.”

    They bumped fists.

    Ahna grumbled. “Please tell me you two aren’t just distracting yourselves from the pain?”

    “No, that’s my mom’s hobby.” Roselyn was now ruffling Sam’s hair.

    “Hey, that’s what my dad does, too!” Sam laughed.

    “…I see.” Ahna bit her lip.

    This was worse than she thought.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Such a cute, wholesome title, Carrie! The story, however, is a bit darker than that. I just want to give them so many hugs. It’s quite interesting that we don’t know what trauma or abuse is sometimes until we’ve viewed it through the perspective of others. Growing up in those households and situations makes it normal.

      The humor you infuse brings a nice balance and levity to the seriousness of the topics. I also adore Ahna’s well meaning gestures and attitudes. Sam and Rosie are simply more accustomed to these traumatic events, so they can navigate them better. I do sincerely hope they get therapy if they need it. Ahna’s a great friend.

      My mom also hid her pain behind her hobbies. 1,000% understand that. I hope the parents get therapy, as well.

      “I don’t speak emoji, either,” Roselyn said. “Use words instead, please?” (This made me laugh out loud! Love it!)

      Very sweet overall. I hope to see more of this trip in the future. Thank you for writing and sharing this one. I can’t wait to see what you post next time.

    2. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      I really like how relatable you make Ahna out to be in this scene, and her response to her friend’s repression of the traumatic events is nuanced and interesting. You put in a lot of effort into the comedy and it shows! However, my sense of humor is broken to the point of laughing at the word “pineapple” that’s been bit-crushed and deep-fried beyond recognition.

      I think that you should spend more time rationing your words out. The first three lines are used to set the location of Ahna’s house and the cookie bit, but they can be completely removed if you were to structure that into the narration. For example:

      “It only took mere moments after crossing the threshold before Roselyn and Sam abandoned their admiration of the decorations adorning Ahna’s house and dashed towards the wafting scent of freshly-baked cookies deep within the kitchen.”

      This not only sets up the location, but also the cookie bit in one line. I completely understand the allure of dialogue and love to use it myself, but sometimes lines can be transformed in order to further the pacing of the scene along. You’ll find that the flow will improve and readers will have a hard time pulling away from it!

      The only other critique I had is towards the reactions of both Roselyn and Sam towards the confrontation. The way it reads right now is that they’ve completely undersold the severity of the situation and it comes across as them not caring that they were nearly killed. In that regard, it makes them read as arrogant. I’m unsure if this was intended, but might I suggest hinting towards this with some context clues? Perhaps they have a nervous habit they do whenever they’re hiding something, like their emotions?

      Regardless, I think you have a very strong premise here! Please, keep up the hard work!

    3. Rattus Avatar
      Rattus

      Okay, so I’m very curious to know more about the whole Nicklescribe situation, first off. (If this was a previous prompt that I didn’t read then I apologise). But this piece was great. The way the characters interacted felt very natural and real. Ahna seems genuinely interested in her friends wellbeing, definitely giving off the ‘group mom’ vibe trying to help her rowdy kids. This was a fun read, thank you for sharing it!

  10. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
    RVMPLSTLTSKN

    Father’s Sin
    By RVMPLSTLTSKN (The Saga of The Deep One’s Wake)

    The Everflame crackled quietly in the still nights. Because his family had grown over the last three decades, Padas enjoyed his quiet time. He slept less now. Age, he thought, or misery. He was beginning to understand Vienas’s vague statements, now it was too late.

    Mazylas’s son, Grobis—a terrible name—was moving about and caring for his daughter. She wasn’t old enough for a name yet, but it wouldn’t be long.

    “Father,” Grobis asked, settling down next to Padas, “why are you still awake?”

    “Old habits.”

    “Mazylas?” He asked.

    “Vienas.”

    “Oh.”

    Padas knew the boy wouldn’t remember her well. “She used to wander and tidy while everyone was asleep. The dark didn’t trouble her.”

    “Do you miss her?”

    “Always. Sometimes, I think she haunts this place. I smelled her on a draft yesterday.”

    “You loved each other.”

    “Not much choice elsewise. We had our fights too, but she was always right. Remember that, Grobis, when you disagree with your wife.”

    The bluish flame lit Grobis’s face. His spat with Palydovas was an open secret and being old has its perks.

    “What did you fight about?”

    “Vienas was a woman troubled with knowledge. She knew all the things in the library and, I think, she hated most of them. So much in those histories has been revoked, made irrelevant. I know she removed some things. I watched her burn some of the scrolls, all the spells of ancient magi.
    “But what she hated most was the old way of thinking. When the end came, she thought of it as starting anew.”

    “Why was that?” The fire crackled, fed on nothing.

    “Have you heard the stories of Klajonas the Wanderer?”

    “Of course.”

    “The stories were fun, for the most part, but taught us that settling and sacrificing for our family was the most virtuous act. Vienas didn’t see it that way. She knew context better than me. She saw the danger in the stories. I told them to my Baby, thinking only that my father told them to me, so that’s the thing to do.”

    “What happened?”

    “Do you see my Klajonas here?

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      A nice hit of sadness and melancholia from this one, Drake. The ending line from Padas conveys such regret and sadness over missing his daughter. Especially after how he fondly remembers Vienas.

      I find it really clever how his only sin was telling his daughter stories. So, now, Klajonas is taking her own path based on the stories and how she’s telling them now. A nice spin on the prompt.

      Critiques:

      I watched her burn some of the scrolls, all the spells of ancient magi.
      “(omit)But what she hated most was the old way of thinking. When the end came, she thought of it as starting anew.” (I think you had text in between the dialogue or perhaps you meant to keep them in separate paragraphs?)

      “Do you see my Klajonas here?(“)

      Just some tiny nitpicks. They don’t affect the story overall. I like that the world is expanding. Nice job. I can’t wait to see what you post next time. Thank you for writing and sharing this.

  11. Skeleton Avatar
    Skeleton

    Waste not; Want not. (The Will)
    By Skeleton

    “Remember, Zaila: the entire body can be used. The meat is meat—you know what to do with that, I’m sure! Bones can be boiled for broth. Hide can be used for clothes and in some cases, armour. The organs can be used as bait and depending on the monster, some specialty substances can be extracted and used in combat. You’re familiar with the neurotoxin produced by manticore barbs, yes? The head can be sold for quite the sum of cash if you’re short and find the right buyer. Yea, that’s it! Your knife skills are improving remarkably—you’re a quick study!”

    His proud smile still haunted Zaila. Every corner of her memory was plagued with the image of his crooked teeth, lips wide with joy. Every bonfire reminded her of his hand on her head, patting the knowledge he had imparted to her deep into her very being. Every strand of black hair filled her heart with fool’s hope.

    And now she was burning the bodies he left behind.

    She could feel the eyes of hate from her countrymen and women standing behind her, rallying to the one person who could defeat the Sufferer. They had family torn from them—friendships that had lasted a lifetime gone in one evening. An entire city reduced to a display of architecture and nothing more. Anger and vengeance permeated the air as they awaited the torch in her claw to descend and light the mass grave.

    But Zaila simply could not do it: she was still trying to process what had happened. The soft comfort of a feather ruptured the stasis of the dragoness’ mind. Zaila looked over to her avonis companion, her reassuring look reawakening the dragoness to the duty that must be performed.

    As the corpses embodied the hate that irradiated Ol’en, Sage spoke kindly to her commander. “We’ll make him pay, your Highness.”

    Zaila bit her lip and kept her remark to herself. No monster ever left a body behind, especially not Eymir.

    So… why had he?

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      What and interesting piece, Skeleton! You’ve squished a lot of worldbuilding into this story, but it doesn’t majorly disrupt the overall flow. You leave many questions about Eymir unanswered, but I like that in a piece like this. It makes the reader curious for what happens next. Overall, a very intriguing read, Skeleton. Great job!

    2. Rattus Avatar
      Rattus

      At first I thought they were just talking about an animal, so when you revealed that it was a monster, that was really cool. The imagery in this piece is wonderful, you did an excellent job of it. This piece leaves me with a lot of questions, in a way that has me excited to read more in this universe. Especially at the end, leaving it off on such a hanging question like that. This was very well done, thank you for sharing it!

  12. You Reap What You Sow (It’s Always Sunny in Olympus: The Titan Years)
    By Alexsander Edwards

    The old farmer – or “Harvester,” as he’d rather be known- worked his fields with pride.

    Swinging his scythe and cutting the crops felt natural to him. No, more than natural. The feeling went beyond bliss or joy. He was meant for this, born for it. Working the fields was his very nature, as far as he was concerned.

    The Harvester stopped for a moment, pressing his left hand against his stomach, fighting a sudden burning sensation and pain. That feeling had become more and more common over the past few days, almost like he’d eaten a handful of rocks – no doubt a side-effect of his rather unconventional diet in recent months, though a necessary one. He wasn’t just a farmer, after all, but also a leader – and leaders must make certain sacrifices to stay in power.

    Taking a deep breath, he looked up at the open skies. Their endless blue tapestry painted with white specks always reminded him of his father, for better or worse. Something in him made him hate that man, once driving him to violence. He’d taken one of his trusty scythes and attacked his own father, who was now deposed – though not truly dead, given his divine status.

    The Harvester blinked. Something in the sky – a small speck – caught his attention. It appeared to increase in size the more he watched, slowly taking shape. Was that… a man?

    Two powerful sources of light emanated from the sides of the falling man, who slowly came more and more into focus as gravity brought him downwards. The falling man’s face took form – he didn’t look any older than seventeen, albeit with a perfectly-chiseled beard that implied a much older age.

    The bearded man’s eyes focused on the Harvester, who slowly realized the bright lights came from two bolts of lightning held like spears.

    The wind howled past the man’s head, stroking his geometric beard and announcing his presence. He aimed his bolts at the Harvester’s stomach, and, once he knew his voice would be heard, he yelled: “Cowabunga!”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh, Eddy! I really enjoyed this story. I have a few questions, but not in a bad way: is his father a god? It seems that way. Especially because of the stones. It makes me think of when Hera trick Zeus into eating stones to keep him from eating any more of their children. Do the stones have to do with this being hurdling towards him at Mach 5? If the stones are unrelated to the being crawling from the sky, what is their purpose? What sacrifice is the Harvester referring to?

      The passing of the leadership mantle is a time-honored parent tradition. It’s a great setup; I’m totally ready for the payoff. It’s a great story, man. I’m honestly excited to see where this storyline goes, if you choose to continue. I’m also super excited to see what you post next. Thank you very much for writing and sharing this one.

  13. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    A Legacy Withering In Sunlight (Nyx’s Story)
    By Calliope Rannis

    My father was a good man. Some would even say a great man.

    He was born within the deep depths of the earth, where his entire clan had once lived. Their lives were harsh, uncertain, and short – to die of old age was a privilege hard-earned.

    He was stubborn, ambitious, willing to take risks that nobody else would. So one day, he strode out into the beyond, and higher than any of his people had ever reached.

    He was the first of his clan to see sunlight in over a thousand years. But rather than flee into the surface’s warm embrace, he chose to turn back. To lead his entire damn clan up to see the sky.

    He saved them all. The Murnor clan lives longer and happier than ever before.

    But after all that? He found Mother. And he brought me into being.

    Me. Stubborn, like him. Ambitious, like him. Reckless and uncaring of whatever risk, just as he once was.

    But unlike him, I didn’t have anywhere to place my ambitions. Nothing to aim for, nothing to work towards. How do I climb to the surface to gain a better life, when I already started there to begin with?

    He wanted me to be happy. But I was too stubborn to accept that happiness.

    The dangers he faced didn’t scare him enough to stop. And what I saw, what I did, wasn’t enough to stop me either.

    His ambition was to save his entire clan. My ambition only served to better myself.

    He climbed and climbed, and in the end he got to see the sun. I climbed and climbed, and now the sun hurts my eyes with but the slightest glance.

    How many people did he save? Dozens, maybe even a hundred?

    …and how many people have I killed?

    My father was a good man. His quirks and his traits are what made him the hero of my clan.

    But I inherited those same traits, that same nature he possessed. And in my bloodied hands, those marks of a hero became the flaws of a monster.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I love this so much! Right off the bat, Calliope, I love the title. It’s really fitting, and it’s also very layered. It’s also got quite a bit of depth to it despite the word count limitation.

      I love that Nyx is essentially the darker side of the coin for her father. I love how she speaks with mostly neutrality. She tells the straight facts and imbues little emotion when talking about her father. However, it feels like that shifts when she talks about herself. She understands the darkness that she has, and what her actions have led to, and she’s resigned to it. Because this is her nature; this is who she is.

      It would seem that the only sin of her father is siring her. I also really love that you show stubbornness and ambition and fearlessness as both good and bad traits depending on the person. That’s a really great. It kind of skews the nature versus nurture debate. But it also intertwines both sides of it, if that makes sense. It honestly boils down to the person and their actions that come and how they let certain attributes of their character propel them.

      I seriously don’t have any critiques for this one. I truly love it. Great job. I cannot wait to see what you post next time. Thank you very much for writing and sharing this.

    2. Interesting that Nyx views her father’s sin as creating her.

      Though given Nyx’s monsterous nature, I can see how she might have a point.

      Both unstoppable, determined, stubborn. Both wanting to have, and neither thinking things through. The difference lies in how it was done, methinks. As well as WHAT was done. Nyx’s dad cared for others.

      Nyx… was a little selfish.

    3. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      It’s interesting to view the sins of the father as inherited traits! While I’m not too familiar with the characters presented and the overarching story, I must say that the ominous overtones throughout give me chills. It culminates in an ending that really hammers home the true depth of what Nyx has done and the legacy she’s corrupted. The first person perspective also makes it seems as if this is Nyx reminiscing, almost as if she partially regrets what she’s done. It adds depth to the character, and I appreciate a character that can look back and see where they have come from.

      Even still, I feel as if something is missing slightly. A bit more context into the inciting incident would further evolve the emotional aspect of this piece, I think. This would work especially well since Nyx is already looking back at their life. Although with the word constraints, I can understand why that would be difficult to include.

      Regardless, fabulously well done!

    4. I think this is the first story I read about Nyx’s father and I really like the mirroring that you do here. It was really interesting being so familiar with Nyx because before you started making those parallels, I could see them in her father’s actions.

      As you said, it was the motivation behind the actions that seems to be the difference between a hero and a villain, at least in this specific instance. You did such a good job of making it clear what personality traits made Nyx’s father such a good person and how Nyx had used those same traits selfishly and twisted those good traits into bad ones.

      What actually hit me the hardest was that her father went through so much to take his people into the Sun and she chose a path that ended up rejecting it entirely.

      It’s both poetic and sad that Nyx sees the sins of her father as HER. Very powerful take on the prompt!

    5. Rattus Avatar
      Rattus

      Man, this was good. I really like the dichotomy you showed between Nyx and her father. That the same traits that made him a venerated hero make her a monster, at least in her own eyes. Her internal struggle came across really well here, and it’s clear that this is a debate she’s had with herself multiple times in the past. Very well done!

    6. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      Such an interesting twist on the prompt!

      I love how the father’s unattainable success is framed as a sin when placed alongside Nyx’s ambition.

      I love how you develop the relationship over time, showing her father as an almost folk hero and then slowly introduce the resentment Nyx feels. And I just love the closeness between what makes a hero and a monster. The same traits fuel them both, but with nowhere upward to go, Nyx sees herself as a monster.

      Lovely all around. You do such great character work. Thanks as always for sharing!

  14. LumiKat117 Avatar
    LumiKat117

    Words Hold Power
    By Lumikat117 (Lumi)

    Anya stared up at the council before her, the weight of the chains binding her in place taxing what little energy she had left after weeks of near starvation. It was only through pure spite that she still stood, despite their best effort to make her look pathetic and weak.

    There was a quiet murmur among them, their uneasiness broadcasted despite their expressionless masks. Finally, the Chairman stepped forward. “Enough of this. Anya Mallory, you stand before the Council today to stand trial for the sins committed by your father, Clay Mallory. How do you plead?”

    “How do I plead?” She parroted with an incredulous expression. “How do I PLEAD? You must be joking, either that your senility has finally gotten to you.”

    Hisses of anger answered her, but she refused to even blink, casting an unimpressed look over them before settling her gaze back on the Chairman. “I am an orphaned child that has just lost the only family I had after my father ABANDONED me to run away with his dirty money. I had nothing to do with him or his schemes. But he escaped your clutches into the wastes beyond the great walls, so you turn your attentions to what he left behind. Me. You starved me and clad me in these ridiculous chains, putting me on trial and for what? To feel like you ACCOMPLISHED something? Because you failed to catch the actual culprit so to make yourselves look better, you put a child into this dog and pony show just to sentence me to death regardless of whether or not I was actually guilty.”

    The crowd behind her, hidden in the shadows, began to murmur at her words, too quiet for her to hear but she didn’t need to, to know that they were mulling over her words. They made a mistake, letting her speak. Her gift made her dangerous, which is why her father abandoned her in the first place. Perhaps it was time she made good use of it.

    “Now Chairman, will you really let the blood of a child stain your hands?”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      You return with a BANGER, Lumi! That opening line is an actual gut punch.

      I really enjoyed the story. Lots of intrigue and tension. You give really good character motivations. Always a wonderful antagonist in a corrupt government and branching hierarchy.

      I really appreciate that Anya is not a wilting flower. Not that there’s anything wrong with that kind of characterization for a woman or the main character. There’s just something that I enjoy more about having an active character in these particular types of situations. Rising up and sneering back in the face of oppression and tyranny. And she is very fantastic at words and swaying people.

      Very straightforward use of the prompt, and it’s quite impactful. I think my heart was pounding for a good bit of it.

      It’s really great to have your writing back in the group. It’s really great. I hope you can write more often, but if not, that’s completely understandable and totally fine. Super excited to see what you post next time. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this one.

    2. The power of speech is a dangerous one indeed – just ask Saruman and Grima Wormtongue.

      This is a very interesting story, and one that, to be honest, I finished reading and went “man, I wish this was longer”. It’s already pretty good as-is, but I would’ve loved an extended edition with further worldbuilding, giving more info on Anya and on this corrupt government she’s fighting against – and how it came to a point where it’s legal to prosecute the children of a criminal for their parent’s misdeeds.

      Either way, it’s pretty darn good already, even if the theme is a bit on-the-nose, but by god, let me know if you have a Director’s Cut of this shelved somewhere!

    3. John Perceval Cain Avatar
      John Perceval Cain

      Love this! Tight and to the point. The voice of Anya, the accused, is strong and interesting. Paced well. Your use of monologue to exposit on the father’s sin makes the counterpoint to the way they’re being treated. While I generally don’t like such open endings, I think you make it work nicely here.

    4. Ooooo if that’s how she fights when she’s starved and tired, I’d hate to see her when she’s at 100%. This story just grips you from the beginning and doesn’t let go.

      So when she finally let’s the corrupt government have it, it’s a very satisfying read and you’re completely on her side, both because of the clear unfairness of what’s going on and the justified spite you feel in her words.

      As people have said, by the time it reaches the end, you do make the reader want to know what happens. Both in this specific case and what else is going to happen to her. You made excellent use of the word limit in this one.

      Great take on the prompt!

  15. I’m The Powder, You’re The Fuse
    By Marx

    “And then he said ‘If you live under my house, you follow my rules,’ so, ya know, I did the obvi thing and I was just outtie.” Vicky said, flippantly waving her hands as she downed her drink. “Screw him and his rules, right? You only live once.”

    “This is quite true, young one.” Lucy looked at the coarse liquid in front of her and mimicked her friend, downing it all to a significantly more subdued effect.

    “Sorry. I know I babble on sometimes but you gotta get it out, you know?” Vicky said, pouring more alcohol into the glasses. “What happened with you and your dad?”

    Lucy’s eyes immediately darkened. “My Father… He… must always be correct. Even when He is clearly wrong. He… made me a soldier. He gave me a soldier’s logic. And yet when I acknowledged His flaws in the battlefield He set, He refused to take responsibility.”

    “He sounds like an ass.” Vicky took another drink.

    “Yes.” Lucy agreed, downing the drink again. “He is very much an… ass. I confronted Him. And I and various members of my family were punished quite thoroughly for that transgression…”

    “…Lucy…?”

    “And then He locked me away! He caged me in a place of nothing but eternal torment! He forgot about me! And when I lashed out, I became the antagonist! I became the villain! It is not FAIR!”

    “Lucy! Your hand!” Vicky screamed finally snapping Lucy out of it.

    As Lucy looked down, she saw all the shards of glass she’d squeezed into the bloodless aforementioned hand. Vicky stared wide-eyed as Lucy methodically pulled out each shard.

    “Er… are you okay?”

    “Yes. As you mentioned previously… it felt… good to get that out.”

    Vicky nodded. “Yeah… most definitely… Um… I like your wings? They’re cool.”

    Lucy looked behind her and surely enough, her momentary loss of control had released her wings. Her eyes were also currently glowing an ominous crimson to match them. She didn’t care enough to put them back. “Thank you, child.”

    “Do you… need a hug?”

    “Very much so…”

    “I got you.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      You sly devil, Marx! You wrote two stories this week! This one is quite wonderful in the sense that Lucifer is allowed to be human, so to speak. I’m also very glad that she continued her interactions with Vicky. I think Vicky is a very fun character. I do appreciate how she loses herself to the memory of her fallen status and how it still very much affects her and it’s very painful for her to recall. I love little touches like that.

      Sometimes, you just got to chill with a close friend while knocking back some hard liquor and talking about your daddy issues.

      Overall, this is a very fun story. You do a great job with the prompt, and you get some wonderful character development in. I also love that Vicky is relatively unfazed by Lucifer’s wings, and doesn’t even mention her eyes. Vicky is just super chill, and that’s awesome. I happily look forward to seeing more of both of them in future installments. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this. Can’t wait to see what you post next time.

      1. Lol! Fun fact! The father in question is actually the same in both stories. I just couldn’t decide on whether to go humorous with Lilith or dark with Lucy, so I did both.

        And I fully agree. This was quite the therapeutic experience for both of them. Both in Lucy getting it off her chest as well as Vicky finding out that Lucy isn’t playing a gimmick and she actually is Lucifer, not that it mattered to Vicky one way or the other clearly. I think Vicky’s chill nature is one of my favorite things about her character.

        Thank you for the review!

    2. LumiKat117 Avatar
      LumiKat117

      This is very well written. In all honesty, I knew that at least one person was going to write a POV of Lucifer towards Him, and I nearly went that was myself. But I’m glad that I didn’t, because I think you did a much better job of pulling it off. I love how Vicky is also super chill about her friend clearly not being human, even if she’s probably at least a LITTLE drunk. Also, it is true, venting and letting out frustrations is a good way to feel better, lol.

      1. Awwww thank you so much! I’m glad I did Lucifer justice for ya lol. And I will fully admit that inebriation might play just a tad into Vicky’s reaction but she is a pretty chill character either way.

    3. Cool gal Lucifer needs a hug and I’m all up for it.

      As always with your stories, I like how different the characters’ personalities are from one another and how strongly that comes across. Vicky sounds absolutely like the 2020’s version of the Valley Girl stereotype, while Lucy sounds so strict that one must wonder whether she’s simply speaking her mind or quietly translating her thoughts from Hebrew (or some language of angels) into English as she speaks, with carefully-chosen words.

      As an aside: I personally love to read the second half of Lucy’s rant with the idea that there is this demonic voice slowly creeping up, slowly making it sound like she’s growling as she speaks, just for the effect – even if that would probably kill the scene considering her being and looking innocent is a big deal here.

      1. Thank you! I’m really happy the various personalities come through so well. Vicky especially is kinda fun because I blend a few things with her, even if they don’t all come across in this piece. But she dresses like a goth, and tends to talk like a blend between a valley girl and a stoner. Done so she doesn’t lean too hard into any particular trope lol.

        Also, fun fact, in my world angel language is every language. When one talks, anyone of any language can understand them regardless of what language they speak.

        And speaking of which, in my head, the second half of Lucy’s rant actually echoes from everywhere like she’s plugged into a speaker that’s coming from everywhere in the room at once. So you aren’t entirely wrong lol. That part is supposed to be a little scary. Just didn’t have the words to truly go for it by that point.

    4. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Awww, this is a lovely scene! Sure, it gets a bit intense in the middle of it, but that happens in half of most friendly hangouts anyway, especially where emotional venting is involved. XD

      I do love just how very different Vicky and Lucy’s voices are from each other – both just naturally, but also because Vicky is a bit tipsy while Lucy has a rather higher alcohol tolerence. 😛 Especially in how formal her speech is (fittingly enough), occasionally absorbing a youthful Vickyism into her language when appropriate.

      And of course, when her emotions start really coming out, it changes again. Her long sentences shorten, become more emotional statements than ones of long-ago fact. Almost like a child, in the last line at leastm – though it comes from a very real place for her.

      The almost casual reveal of her wings and eyes made for a quite amusing and understated reveal to Vicky as well, no doubt in part because of how well she takes this new information in stride. Though as you and others have said, the alcohol probably helped. ;P

      But the fact that seeing all this, just told Vicky that her friend needed a hug really badly – that is a super sweet thing to see, and is deffo telling of the empathy and kindness Vicky has behind her perhaps-intimidating gothic-with-extra-satan aesthetic.

      Lovely story Marx! Well done with the writing! <3

  16. Be Certain Thy Sins Will Find Thee Out (A Tiefling Tale/Cordelia’s Journey)
    C. M. Weller

    Two guards were holding his hands on a specially commissioned artifact. Two more guards kept him on his knees before his worst nightmare become flesh. The spawn of the Whitekeep Curse sat above him on the Blood Throne.

    His firstborn son. EARL Kormwind Arachis Felbourne Whitekeep, ninth of the name. Lighting the Earl’s hall to its fullest with the blood-red light. A sign that he had earned his title.

    “Valliant Stormwight Hallowfine Whitekeep, third of the name. Baronet of Arachis,” the title for retired Earls. “You have heard evidence authenticated by the stone of truth before you.”

    How much had that abomination paid to have this thing made? Petrified wood that was imbued and engraved with the oldest and strongest magical sigil for truth. Valiant knew for a fact that anyone touching it could not lie by any means. Not even by telling the incomplete truth.

    Trust a Tiefling to know about lies.

    “You have heard testimony and truth from everyone around you,” the Demon Lord of Whitekeep continued. “From the lowest Castle Boy through your serving staff, and even unto the Marchess Bellarin, who you deceived to cause another harm. Against. Your. Oath. Even your Barons have found you to be an oathbreaker, a deceiver, a traitor to the realm, and a vile, vainglorious vermin turned human being. I ask you now, before all you have betrayed, what truths do you have to your defense?”

    He wanted to say so much. He wanted to plead to the gods that he had done everything he could to prevent the curse and his prophecy from coming to light.

    What he SAID was the unfortunate truth, “I never wanted to be the Earl who fathered a Demon Lord. I was more concerned with my image than my people! I thought myself forsworn when you drew your first breath, so I discounted all my other vows on purpose. I blamed everyone around me except myself, including a newborn babe and the woman who birthed him.”

    “I… cannot condemn you,” said the demon on the Blood Throne. “I leave your judgment to the council.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      It’s quite interesting to see Valiant in a vulnerable state but he still has power. That’s quite nuanced. I like that even with all of the things he’s been through, he can’t condemn his father. I think that shows his strength as a character and also as a ruler. Another thing I appreciate about this is that his father’s sins are not his own. He has his own sins to bear. Also, the sins are mostly the burden of the father, and not the son’s. I think it shows how much of a forgiving and sweet person he is. Because he has EVERY right to condemn Valiant.

      Really love the story, Internutter. I am very excited to see what you post next time. Thank you very much for writing and sharing this one.

      1. And despite EVERYTHING, Kosh still has some love for his father. Plus he’s in a quandry by judging him. If he’s completely fair, he could be seen as vindictive. If he indulges his vindictive side, he’s a monster. If he’s at all lenient or gentle, then he’s soft. Can’t win no matter what.

        So he goes for public opinion about what should be done to him.

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Yissssssssss. This pleases me. This pleases me very much. :3

      Firstly, it’s always good to see good ol’ Kormy on the blood throne where he rightfully belongs. And once again, his rebalancing of the scales of power has been very, very thorough indeed. That Stone of Truth sounds like a very potent artefact indeed, and it seems like he used it to systematically dismantle every single lie and hypocrisy that his father ever inflicted upon the keep and kingdom alike. That must have been cathartic to the extreme, even if stressful to handle and organise the whole trial for this purpose.

      Best and most cathartic of all, was maybe the moment where his father himself was forced to say the absolute truth, in all it’s utterly pathetic glory. Though it is genuinely interesting to hear how apparently Kormwind’s birth broke Valiant’s sense of ethics so hard that he no longer cared about *any* of his vows, because in his head, none of them had mattered for what he wanted out of them. No wonder he became such a damn arsehole, the only moral code he ever had was now worthless to him, aside from it’s effect on public opinion.

      Thank goodness that Kormwind never learnt from his example, and instead chose to be a moral and good person for no expected external reward – merely the satisfaction of his own spite. One such that even he, the person who has more reason than any other to condemn his father, still chooses not to. Though in fairness, he probably knows that this will humilliate his father more than if he did. XD

      (And hey, hopefully they get to keep the Stone Of Truth for future important trials now! Or was it just a rental? :P)

      Wonderful work Internutter, great story indeed! ^w^

      1. The Stone of Truth will be employed in every single important court case. Kosh values the truth above many, many other things.

        Once upon a time, Valiant swore an oath that he would never sire a Tiefling. Once that Tiefling turned up ANYWAY, he figured all his other oaths were null and void. Since the gods decided to screw him over.

        Another definition against type that Kosh uses will be, “I am not my father.”

        Earl Kormwind is going to be an absolute terror on the vile and venal souls.

    3. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      Well that was a tale of a man that walked away and it caught up with him. I think many people have that though, having a parent that left them admit it. Something that was clear on the first born’s tone and I would say face. Just all that pain answered and the heart that broke.

      I loved it and want to know more of this world.

      1. I have been writing bits of it in World Anvil, and tons of chapters of it if you really want to read an ever-growing novel in progress 😀 [PM for the details you want or I will just go off about everything for DAYS]

    4. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      The more I see of your world, the more intrigued I am by it. I’m always impressed with the emotions you manage to crank out of 350 words.

      The ending here gave me very Pontius Pilate washing his hands vibes.

      1. Not _QUITE_ washing his hands. More a recognition of the rock and the hard place he’s stuck between.

        If you want to see the draft version or the pro version of the FULL story, PM me and I can hook you up.

  17. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    Father Knows Best (A Song for: Abraham)
    by Lunabear (TW: Domestic Abuse)

    “You CAN’T send me there, Father!” Abraham’s eyes clenched shut. His entire body vibrated with his racing heartbeat. “This is my home, my lif–”

    “Enough.” Isaac’s tenor exuded such force that he didn’t have to yell. “You will do what is best for your future.”

    Abraham turned desperate, green eyes to the woman sitting at the table. She hummed loudly while knitting, her hands shaking.

    “Mother, please!”

    Isaac stood between his wife and son. “This does not concern Bethany.”

    Abraham made a fist and imagined slamming it into his father’s nose. He took a deep breath to cool his rage. It didn’t help.

    “I lead with grace, humility, and tradition. The members of this community EXPECT those same values from this family. For what are we without grace? Who are we if not for humility? Where do we follow without tradition?”

    Abraham lifted his head, pleading understanding. “But I haven’t done anything wrong!”

    “Not yet. If I have any say, you will not. I see your lustful gaze, how it wanders to him when you feel unwatched. That disgusting blush.” Isaac’s face twisted.

    An image of Luther flashed through Abraham’s head. His heart pounded, and he yearned for the security of his friend’s embrace.

    “You will continue my legacy. Dutiful son. Capable husband. Strong father. Do you understand?”

    Tears raced down Abraham’s cheeks, but his teeth were bared. “I. Won’t. Go.” His fist collided with the table.

    Isaac advanced, towering over Abraham. His light green eyes filled with menace as he pitched his voice low. “I have never once spared the rod. I will not hesitate to use it again. You will go to Faithful Redemption and get your thinking”-Isaac punctuated this by jabbing a callused finger against Abraham’s temple-“straight. Otherwise, you will not have a home to return to.”

    Abraham cast a hopeful look to his mother, but she was hunched over with her hands cradling her face.

    Isaac held Abraham’s chin in a punishing grip, forcing his attention back. “Say. It.”

    Abraham swallowed. “Du-dutiful s-son.” Ragged breaths. “Capable husb-band.” Uncontrollable tears. “Str-strong fa-father.” His heart shattered.

    1. LumiKat117 Avatar
      LumiKat117

      Oh, just oh how this ached. I may not have personally experienced something like this but I know how painful this reality can be and just how much it can break a person. You did a phenomenal job in showing how much of a painful experience this can be for a queer child. Just, wow.

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Agh. What a horrid man Isaac is. Though, one wonders how much of his own horridness was broken into him from his own father. That mantra of Dutiful Son, Capable Husband, and Strong Father seems as much of a family curse as it is a moral code, if this is what it does to the males of the family. And being sent to what I can only assume is a gay conversion therapy camp is a horrifying thing indeed. No wonder that place drove him insane, even if the vampiric corruption of himself *may* have helped with that a bit. (It was this Fathful Redemption place where he got inflicted with vampirism, right?)

      I do find a kinda ironic humour in the names here. Isaac, now the father, is sending Abraham to be functionally sacrificed in the name of his own twisted interpretation of God. Almost like the Isaac of biblical times is getting revenge on his father for nearly murdering him. XD

      Speaking of revenge though…I know Abraham gains a whole new flavour of faith when he is turned, but I dunno how well that translates to his old family’s faith. I get the teensiest-tiniest feeling that this decision of Isaac’s may end up backfiring on him in the most violent possible way…

      I just hope Bethany stays out the way of the crossfire. She clearly doesn’t want any part in her son’s torment and suffering, even if she may theoretically disagree with the being gay stuff too. But she also doesn’t have any real power in the house either. Another side of that ‘Strong Father’ curse I suppose.

      Well, I know this doesn’t end well for anybody involved, but great story Luna! Very effective work indeed. <3

    3. I see Isaac is yet another Father of the Year here in these collected stories. Trying to force your kid to “play it straight” is not going to do you any good there, fella.

      If I was Abraham, I’d nope out of ever coming back to that realm. Make a nice home with Luther and adopt some strays into their new place of their own.

      Or… hire an assassin to arrange for an “accident”…

    4. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      The first thing I thought of when reading this was Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, a very rigid book when it came to the expected roles of marriage in Georgian era England. So imagine my surprise to learn that the object of Abraham’s desires is a dude! You nail the feel of the era in the dialogue, and the emotion is very potent in every line. In short: I loved it!

      If I had to critique anything about this (which I will), its the believably of Isaac’s mercy. Abraham pretty much openly admits he has the hots for Luther by simply and very resolutely refusing his father’s request to go to the “Faithful Redemption”. Homosexuality at that time (which I’m assuming is the time you’re aiming for– if not, then forgive my ignorance) was a big no-no, and there would be no discussion. Abraham’s refusal to go even once would reintroduce him intimately with the rod several times over. However, that assumes this is set near the beginning of the 1800s, or has the same beliefs of that period. If not, please ignore my stupidity!

      Very well done!

    5. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      The first thing I thought of when reading this was Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, a very rigid book when it came to the expected roles of marriage in Georgian era England. So imagine my surprise to learn that the object of Abraham’s desires is a dude! You nail the feel of the era in the dialogue, and the emotion is very potent in every line. In short: I loved it!

      If I had to critique anything about this (which I will), its the believably of Isaac’s mercy. Abraham pretty much openly admits he has the hots for Luther by simply and very resolutely refusing his father’s request to go to the “Faithful Redemption”. Homosexuality at that time (which I’m assuming is the time you’re aiming for– if not, then forgive my ignorance) was a big no-no, and there would be no discussion. Abraham’s refusal to go even once would reintroduce him intimately with the rod several times over. However, that assumes this is set near the beginning of the 1800s, or has the same beliefs of that period. If not, please ignore my stupidity!

      Very well done!

      (This is a re-post from the public channel, since I’m not sure how the bot works in detecting our comments and likes.)

    6. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      Well this one hurt to read.

      I know nothing about the larger story here, but even from just this, the dialogue feels so real and the emotions are so strongly conveyed, I feel like I’ve read a piece much longer than just 350 words to have all the feels I do.

      The switch of the biblical names is so interesting, although it did make my brain have to spend an extra tic to remember who was father and who was son (your story was never confusing, my brain is just used to a certain neural pathway and it took a sec to reroute it).

      You’ve captured this single moment stunningly. Well done!

    7. Oof! This was just painful to read. And the more you read it, the more painful it gets. I’d pretty much just echo what the other comments are saying but the other thing that really tugs at the old heartstrings is the mother here. Her silence during this whole thing speaks volumes.

      And whether Abraham finally gives in because he realizes his mother is in no place to help him or if he’s worried about what would happen to her if he wasn’t there, it’s all horrible. Especially for the reasoning.

      You packed a lot of power and emotion into 350 words in this one. Very well done.

    8. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      Tag back!

      Holy shit, I was not expecting reeducation camps this week, Luna. Hit us with them IRL sins, why don’t you?

      I did like that you were circumspect about it, still foreshadowed using the character names. I’m wondering if you chose Bethany for a specific reason, rather than Sarah/Sarai to hone in on the cognitive dissonance.

      Excellent job on this piece, Luna!

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