Writing Group: A Single Blade of Grass (PRIVATE)

Hello, Landscapers and Lawnmowers!

There are so many little things in our lives, easy to ignore or pass by. So often we go about our days without paying any mind to where we place our feet. I think it’s time we looked a little closer at what we’re stepping on because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

A Single Blade of Grass

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

We’re all told to “stop and smell the flowers,” but we rarely manage even that much. There are things even smaller than flowers, even easier to overlook, to ignore, to trample in our pursuits. We walk upon the grass, disregarding any single blade just looking for a little sunlight. We are told “the grass is greener” merely because it is on the other side, when in truth the grass beneath our feet is green enough. Sometimes we’re told to “touch grass” because we’ve lost sight of reality, stuck inside—be it inside our houses, or our own minds. Maybe we, and our characters, need some reminders of these lessons. 

Maybe a single blade of grass can have some use. Maybe it can be the final ingredient in a potion a witch is brewing. Maybe a bird needs the perfect piece of grass to finish its nest. Maybe a child wants to make duck calls in the park. We often see “Don’t step on the grass” signs, maybe stepping off the path will lead to greater consequences than a cranky old man’s scolding. Or maybe it’s greater than that; maybe, like stepping on a butterfly, the death of a single blade of grass can change the course of history as we know it. 

You could write a story about someone who feels sick and scared while flying in a plane, helicopter, hot air balloon, or superhero’s back, who misses the grass. Someone who moved to a desert planet who longs to return to their lush home. You could write about someone who has never felt grass before; like Rapunzel, trapped in her tower, never knowing what it is to feel the ground. Maybe someone had a disease that kept them from going outside, and can now finally take their first step out the door. Maybe someone living in an apocalyptic world finds a single piece of grass, and knows then that life can return to the world.

Or you could write from the perspective of the blade of grass itself, merely trying to live. Perhaps frisbee in the park is a great war to the kingdom of grass, and the single blade is one soldier in the army. Perhaps it has had to watch its brethren mowed down, one by one, fearing its turn. Perhaps it experiences a dramatic death at the hands—or feet—of the humans who don’t pay it any mind. Perhaps it is the only survivor of the greatest battle in the kingdom’s history: a schoolwide game of tag.

A duck call, a sword blade, a metaphor, a last ray of hope, a sign of doom…a single blade of grass. The little things can be more important than one might initially think. Just like a single person can have more impact on the world than their everyday life might imply. 

Now, will you take that first step outside?

—Kaylie

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least four stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and two of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Use two paragraph breaks between each paragraph so that they have a proper space between them (press “enter” or “return” twice).
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  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new; no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
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  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
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    5. Be constructive and uplifting. These submissions are not for a professional market, and shouldn’t be treated as such. We do this, first and foremost, for the joy of the craft. Help other writers to feel like their work is valuable, and be considerate and gentle with critique when you offer it. Authors who leave particularly abrasive or disheartening remarks on this post will be disqualified from selection for readings.
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Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

90 responses to “Writing Group: A Single Blade of Grass (PRIVATE)”

  1. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “Kamikiri no Monogatari” (Oniyama)
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane

    A teapot hung above the small irori, the charcoal fire within it warming and lighting the one-room hut. On opposite sides sat two beings. One, the smaller of the two, was a masculine creature with four arms – the two inner ones crossed and two outer ones resting on his knees – two legs, red skin, muscles and two prominent fangs. Across from him sat a being with the head and torso similar to his and the body of a horse. A horn adorned her head along with a short uneven mane. Tears trailed from her eyes.

    The four-armed being took the teapot from the string and poured the hot water over two cups with tea leaves in them. He pushed one cup to her and took the other himself, immediately taking a big sip. She left her cup untouched.

    “So,” the four-armed being said, “You woke up like this?” He pointed to her hair.

    She nodded, looking off to the side wall. “Yes. We anggitay are proud of our hair, so to awaken to this…”

    “I understand. No need to go into detail.” He smiled to reassure the anggitay, but she ignored it. The smile faded.

    “So, can you help me, great Yukikara?”

    Yukikara chuckled, embarrassed.

    “Please, there’s no need to be formal here. You can call me Take. And yes, I absolutely must help you.”

    That got her attention. With concern, the anggitay faced Yukikara — no, Take — and said, “What do you mean ‘must’?”

    Take stroked his chin. “There are two possibilities to what might have happened. The one I hope transpired is an infestation in your inn.”

    The anggitay’s eyebrows furrowed. “Infestation?”

    Take nodded. “You see, there are insects called kamikiri that cut and eat hair while you sleep. If that’s it, you have nothing to fear.”

    “And the other…?”

    Take sighed heavily. “The other possibility is that someone has cut your hair to create a wara ningyo, a cursed doll, of you.”

    The anggitay turned pale. “How much time do we have?!”

    Take smiled again. “As the bamboo sprouts from the snow, no harm shall come to you.”

    1. Cromillea Avatar
      Cromillea

      This is so interesting, are these creatures your own creation or are they from real world stories? The descriptions of one creatures arms and strength and the other’s care for hair really sets them apart. While the anggitay seems to worry about her hair, it’s not just because it is messy, but because her hair can be used against her if lost. The creature named after an action, “Take”, is calm and safe in his power to protect her, another interesting dynamic between the two.

      There are hair cutting bugs, voodoo like dolls, and protective creatures like the Yukikara. All these ideas are well presented and I’m not left confused. I’d say this is a good example for how to do world building quickly and without an info dump. Well done!

  2. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    A Blade
    By Jesse Fisher

    The blue dented robot looked at the green object hidden in a shaded spot. The broken black visor reflected this object as the bot was just confused. The object was just out of place as there has been nothing but dust for as long as it could remember but then again it was hard to track days when the sun almost never sets.

    Using as least invasive ways as it could, what point would it be in studying something if it was no longer viable. Its gunmetal fingers opened so smaller tools could study this object. While a part of itself took in the new information another part looked back on the project it had been doing.

    —-

    The past untold cycles had been turning the ruin into proper shelter, not just from the weather but of something else. It could deal with the crazed brethren that stayed in major ruins, no there was a thing that outlived what made these ruins. Something that might have lost the will to hunt until the blue robot came along. The day was the only thing that kept the creature from catching the bot.

    The bot had to give up places when the whistling of the wind died but a tone was still heard.

    It could not recall farther as all the new information filled it. It was botany that came up surprisingly, mostly because that function was just used to avoid unneeded damage. However that also means that something could be done in this dust bowl of a world. Plans were beginning, but it did wondered where all this information came from?

    It was something to do and the bot needed a new hobby anyways.

  3. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    [Removed]

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That certainly took me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting such a deep discussion on what one wants to believe and how one can value their own narratives to come from a Neverland retelling, and… well, that’s way deeper than I thought would be possible in so few words. That’s a very, very efficient use of the dialogue, imagery and the example given.

      Kinda of remind me of Promethea, in a way (and that is a comparison to something I love that has similar themes).

      And once again I’m at a loss at what to critique. This is just too good. Great story.

    2. Cromillea Avatar
      Cromillea

      This was a wonderful exploration of what truth means to different people. While I read it, I realized that the kids who never age are unable to see reality or choose to live in the safety of fantasy. The pirates are not playing games, and the challenges that they must have faced in reality helped them to mature.

      Its scary to think that behind all the beautiful illusions there may be an ugly world, at the same time, illusions are illusions. Though he is a pirate, Hook can see the world as it is, allowing him to improve it and not just cover it up like Peter.

      I love how this demonstration was performed and how you showed varying reactions. Some pirates’ still hold onto the lies they learned from Peter. That does make me wonder if the same might be true for some lost boys seeing past them, yet choosing to stay with Peter.

      Great reimagining of this story and its themes!

    3. Ooooo! This is a few firsts for me actually. It’s my first Hook story and I could be wrong but I’m pretty sure it’s my first of Neverland and it didn’t disappoint.

      Lol talk about a mindtrip and a half, I absolutely love how easily Hook was able to show such a complex thing. From that point on, you’re basically just going endlessly question your own personal reality. And that’s a weird habit to become used to. Unless of course you accept the beautiful lie of course, but there is a power in willfully making that decision as opposed to being ignorant of the situation entirely.

      I also liked the world building nuggets you put in here. Like the pirates being former lost boys, which is where I’ve always assumed the pirates came from. There’s more than a few takes with various answers to that question but former lost boys makes the most sense.

      As always, looking forward to seeing more of your world and this was a great take on the prompt. Well done!

    4. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Cynical Captain Hook was not something I expected to see today. I love this idea of taking elements from public domain and twisting them around. I wonder why the Lost Boys defected to Hook’s side… Also, the idea that illusion is as real as they believe it to be is great because it ties back into one of Peter Pan’s central themes: belief. This was very good.

  4. John Perceval Cain (oneeye John) Avatar
    John Perceval Cain (oneeye John)

    In the year 2525
    John Perceval Cain

    Orbital analysis showed the planet shrouded in a perpetual smog bank made up of ozone, particulate matter including sulfur oxides, volatile organic compounds and nitrogen oxides. Therefore, a survey team was sent to the surface of this effectively uninhabited exoplanet.

    Science Officer Sally Ride turned on the real-time audio/video feed system on her space suit. “Away team on SOL3R, 25250713T16:15:13.069 Ephemeris Time, starting planetary analysis, we will examine the ground level atmosphere, water, and sample indigenous plants. We will also look for any obvious archaeologic objects on our survey track.”

    Commander Solovyev looked around. The planet was rocky and dynamic. At some point, it must have been a veritable Eden. “I wonder what ruined this planet.”

    The duo walked onward in silence, looking at the surrounding devastation. There was a stunted, scrub-like indigenous plant covering most of the ground. It was a grayish-black pallid and unhealthy-looking plant which the analyzer identified as ‘Grickle-grass.’

    As they as they moved into a small gully, they found a body of liquid, like a small pond filled with a highly viscous and tenacious substance. Officer Ride bent over and touched her analyzer to the liquid, which reported it was made of ‘gluppity-glup’ and ‘scholoppity-schlopp.’

    Commander Solovyev walked onward and stopped at a pile of rubble. It appeared to be the remains of a building, though was in an advanced state of decay, with very little identifiable. He rolled a middle-sized stone over and was surprised to find a rusted, dented piece of metal. As he moved his head, and looked at its surface at an angle, he could make out the text THNEEDS.

    The team moved on and found a small hill. On its top they found a series of rocks or stones placed in a circle. They walked around cautiously. On the far side, there was a larger flat stone placed on its edge, with the text UNLESS chiseled in it.

    Commander Solovyev said, “What do you make of this?”

    “Look!” Officer Ride pointed out a single blade of grass growing out of the stones.

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      I never thought that I needed a Dr. Seuss sci-fi story, but here it is, and I kind of want more like it. There’s something odd but cool to me about seeing a darker, space, apocalyptic setting that also has goofy words and terms like “grickle-grass” and “scholoppity-schlopp.” For me this has the visual feel of the survey/landing scene in Alien, but if it was directed by Tim Burton. Great job, and keep on writing!

    2. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      Oh my word, I did a double-take when I realized that this takes place in the same world as the Lorax. This was very well done, John. I did also note the fact that you used actual real-life astronaut Sally Ride and cosmonaut Vladimir Solovyov in the story too, and I’m a little curious about what prompted you to go this route. But overall, this was a fascinating and entertaining story. Good work.

      1. John Perceval Cain (oneeye John) Avatar
        John Perceval Cain (oneeye John)

        I struggle with character names sometimes AND I like Easter eggs… that’s how the names got in there.

        As to the larger idea, it was really wanting to take a historic/archeologic view of a lost world, ala the end of Planet of the Apes, where we are our own worst enemy… and yet, times moves one despite us, as in the Apes evolution, or in this case, even without a ‘someone’ to be the agent of Unless, time will move on and the world might get past our mistakes despite us.

    3. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      This piece is inventive and in many ways nostalgic. I enjoyed reading it a lot.

      I think my critique is on the references themselves. That aspect gives the story emotional weight, but without those references—without knowing the referenced material—the story rings empty. There’s no arches, no understanding of why the grass is important, what the strange words mean, why UNLESS carries weight. It’s like a story being told through analogy or foreign idioms.

      I find this piece to be a fascinating example of this. I’ve heard anecdotes of folk having this reaction to stories, but never yet met such a tale myself. It raises a lot of questions for me about being self-referential and referencing myths and legends.

      Good work!

      1. John Perceval Cain (oneeye John) Avatar
        John Perceval Cain (oneeye John)

        Your comments made me think about this a bunch… which is good.

        On one level, I could clearly write a 1k or less word prologue and then launch into the story to make my own equivalents to “grickle-grass’ and ‘UNLESS.” But at the 350 word limit is hard to efficiently scaffold that much world building into the piece.

        I didn’t think at all about the fan fiction issues as I wrote this… In a brief review, it’s unclear to me, is this really fan fiction in a narrow sense? Arguably it’s likely Alternate Universe… but still a subset of fan fiction-with all the attendant putative entanglements that brings…

        Many writers here seem to repeat the use of their world and characters to have that efficient world building scaffold. And even if it seems like the story stands on its own without knowing the writers’ larger world, there likely is a large unrecognized emotional well or gravitas that invoking the world carries. Albeit, not based in fan fiction, per se.

        Specific to the question of can you use more mundane or foreign idioms and get the emotional reaction, in a self-referential way or by referencing myth. One might liken the emotional gravitas of the idea to an Aristotelian Formal Cause, meaning the essence of the notion. Or the Jungian Archetypal interpretation in the collective. You get to instantiate into your story all the depth with a tiny textual footprint.

        An example I can think of that does this is L. Ron Hubbard’s Battlefield Earth, as Johnny travels, he see’s the old pre-psychlo world and we have the emotional recognition to the notion of some mundane items, like a freeway, or windowpanes, etc… as it’s ‘rediscovered’ by him. The underlying story created a world myth, which is our present, so when it’s presented in the story as ‘found,’ it taps that emotional well and the empathic recognition has more narrative impact. That said, Battlefield Earth is an almost 270,000 word book…

    4. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      First of all, I’ve had the theme song to Cleopatra 2525 stuck in my head all day now (its an old tv show and the theme song starts “In the year 2525”).

      I haven’t read the Lorax in some time, but I think you did an effective job of painting that world in words to get my brain back to that somewhat familiar place.

      You’ve got some repeated text (as they) at the start of the 5th paragraph.

      My only other minor nitpick would be the inclusion of “Grickle-grass.” I fully understand why its there, but having another plant with grass in the name somewhat lessened the impact of the new grass growing from the Unless stones. It took my brain a second to realize that it was healthy green grass at the end and not the previously mentioned grickle-grass that was just interesting because it was growing out of the stones. This may very well just be a my brain thing, though.

      I very much like the idea of a planet, even in this bad of shape, finding a way to grow again, despite all the odds. Very hopeful.

      Funnily enough, I almost also did something Suess inspired this week, but completely failed on execution, so it was fun to see this pop up! Thanks for writing and sharing!

    5. The Missing Link Avatar
      The Missing Link

      Oh, it’s the Lorax. It took a while to realize that, and I think the piece relies on that realization maybe a bit too much.

      The descriptions and tone here are really good, establishing this eerie, desolate, and alien world, but even with the context, the ending feels a bit abrupt and unresolved.

  5. Stellar Avatar
    Stellar

    A World Reborn
    by Stellar

    She awoke to crackling, fear overwhelming her senses. Breathing came harder than usual. She rose to her feet and coughed, bending over and heaving for air.

    Her home was aflame.

    Orange and reds cascaded over what had become her world, her life… and it was closing in, making the woman feel as if she was wilting.

    She ran as quickly as her feet would carry her, escorting the woodland creatures out of their homes and sending them on their way so that they too could live.

    It was painfully obvious that she couldn’t save them all. She wasn’t trying to. No matter what effort she put in, some of these creatures, some of the life… there would be loss. All she could do was save what was left to save.

    Exhaustion ate at her, and there was so little time left. She dropped to her knees for a moment and scooped out a handful of soil, then got back up and ran.

    She wasn’t quite sure where she was when she woke next. Her eyes opened slowly. The world around her had so little sunlight now, soot and smoke flowing in the air over her prone form. Weakly, she rolled onto her back and stared into the depths of what she had lost. The flames had consumed it all… but it was over.

    The king got his wish. She, who had stood in his way, lost everything. The animals had fled further on to find peace and a home of their own, but she could go no further.

    Her hand fell to her side, still clutching that bit of soil. Dumping it was all she could do before sleep claimed her once more.

    Dreams of grass and trees dominated her unrestful state, a nightmarish reminder of what happened that day. She couldn’t escape that fear until her eyes opened and she felt it.

    Grass tickled at her hand when she shifted.

    It would grow once more.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      There is something very poetic in the flow and choice of words you use in this tale. Though the pace of the fleeing and trying to save as many lives as possible during the flight effort is frantic and desperate, the pacing of the writing has a kind of meditative quality to it, which is curious. It reminded me on how an adrenaline surge can make one gets clarity, focus, and gives us a strange perspective on time, as if things slowed down – which is a good thing when trying to react, but also gives us even more time to dwell on the effects of the destruction around us.

      I found the choice of word in the sentence “No matter what effort she put in, some of these creatures, some of the life… there would be loss” a little uncomfortable… but I won’t make a critique out of it, since that feeling works in making me think on why it didn’t agree with me and how it works in the story. I usually find it strange when people deal with the concept of life as an strategic element while trying to guide themselves in something (in this case, the attempt to save the creatures), since “life” itself seems more like an way of categorizing a phenomena than what is directly being experienced when talking about living things. But even that kind of connection and disconnection there seems to work in grounding us in the situation, rather than take me out of the story, so… really no complaints here.

      That was a very hopeful though sad story, and a good one as well!

      1. Stellar Avatar
        Stellar

        Thank you so much for the first bit that you said. It’s what I was aiming for, because she was panicked. I mean, why wouldn’t she be? I try my best to convey the emotion of whatever I’m writing through my language. Super happy to hear it came through well.

        Now, sadly I couldn’t add any context. The person in this story is intended to be a sort of “being of the forest”. Think of, say, a nymph. This is her home and this place is intrinsically connected to her.
        However, the ‘strategic’ part was less of strategy and more of “this is inevitable. They are GOING to die, so I have to save whatever I can while I can”. That’s the reason I implied that she passed out, though I fear that one might be missed due to my focus being on other things. I wanted to really capture that idea of her knowing that this is it and it’s the only chance she has to do something.

        Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for what you had to say. I love the conversation this sort of stuff brings up and I crave more in the future from people, whether it’s criticism or praise.

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      This is a wonderfully strong debut story for the writing group! 😀
      The introductory paragraphs introduce the sensory information very well, and felt almost like a hanging moment of horror and realisation before the protagonist exploded into a desperate rescue effort.

      The context you provided in your reply to your previous review was rather helpful for my second reading, as it allowed me to notice and appreciate details such as how she was ‘escorting’ woodland creatures out of their homes, not carrying them or the like.

      And the pacing in general was very evocative! As said before, it starts with a building realisation into a burst of action, and then slows down with her exhaustion into the aftermath of the fire rather than the event itself, and then into the recovery of new life afterwards. The way time passed in this scene made it feel like a whole journey in such a small amount of words, very well done indeed!

      “The king got his wish. She, who had stood in his way, lost everything.” – a short and simple explaination for why this all happened, but it’s all I needed to really understand the story. Sure, the ‘person of the forest’ context provided extra stuff for me to help see the story in more detail, but I didn’t need to know it to get the emotional core of the story. <3

      Finally, I really like how you made dreams of grass and trees into something that is basically a nightmare in context for this character, when it would sound almost serene and peaceful in almost any other light.

      Great debut Stellar! I hope to see more of them in future weeks too! ^w^

      1. Stellar Avatar
        Stellar

        I sincerely appreciate your review, and wish my brain could come up with more words in the midst of how sleepy I am.

        I really wanted it to all flow and for whoever was reading this to see it more or less as the character does. Getting her panic to seem palpable gives it a stronger impact.

        Overall, I’m pleased with what I made and I totally plan on showing up to do more writing stuff around here! ^-^

    3. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      I got a very Firebird Suite(the last part of fantasia 2000) from this piece. Granted it does play into the trope of man trying to conquest nature for selfish reasons. Really the whole set piece is just neat.

      Great story and nice uses of color to emulated feeling the heat.

      1. Stellar Avatar
        Stellar

        I’ve never seen the piece you’re referencing, but yes. That was wholly intentional.

        I do like using symbolism and such to explain things that otherwise might sound stunted in basic explanation. I’m so fond of using my words to bring on a sort of mysticism.

    4. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      I really like how you started this story off. The little details we get as a reader, the overwhelming fear and the struggle to breathe, really set the reader on edge before we even know why she’s feeling this way. Excellent choice to wait to reveal the fire until after how it was effecting the character as she woke. I found it incredibly effective.

      It took a bit for me to realize that her home was in fact an entire forest and not like a small house. The clues were all there, I just missed a few of them at first, but even with me not catching on right away, there was more than enough clues there for me to piece together what I’d missed, even without you having to spell it all out directly.

      There is just something so magical about how forests can recover over time, so I think your choice to end on that new growth was also a strong one.

      I really enjoyed reading this one! Thanks so much for writing and sharing!

      1. Stellar Avatar
        Stellar

        I really wanted things to not be blatantly obvious right off the bat when it was looked at. As I stated in another comment, she’s wholly intended to be like a nymph or some other type of person bound to the forest. I really wanted to capture that feeling of her being entirely overwhelmed.

        I do think that I could have spelled it out a little better from the beginning, but I’m glad that the way I wrote it made it clear in the long run. The focus was also not on it being HER home. Her care went towards the animals and plants being destroyed by this.

        I find my own choice odd. First she has dreams of plants and such that feel like nightmares, and when she finally wakes back up, the forest is regrowing? I’m not sure if I can say it’s intended to be that SHE has caused this, or if it’s more along the lines of her passing away and not ‘waking’ until the forest was beginning to come back. That’s my own trouble for being as vague as I am, but… I like the optional double meaning.

  6. Rattus Avatar
    Rattus

    The Price of Mercy
    by Gerrit (Rattus)

    The sun filtered in through the meager windows of the prison, casting bars of light across the ground. Meera had only served two days of her weeklong sentence, and already she was stiff and sore.

    She rose to her feet, stretching her arms in an effort to work the rigidity out of her muscles. A few twists sent cracks along the length of her spine, though it did little to remedy her situation.

    “Tough, ain’t it?” A voice asked from across the hall. “If you think two days is bad, try being here two months.”

    A man sat in the cell across from her, leaning against the back corner. His hair was wild, his beard having grown out of control in his time incarcerated. He hadn’t spoken before today.

    “I couldn’t imagine. I’m sorry you’ve been here so long.”

    “Compared to the life sentence ahead of me, it’s nothing.” The man let out a strained chuckle. “What are you in for?”

    “I refused to kill a civilian for fighting with a guard.” Meera thought she was doing the right thing. She still did. Yet somehow that ended with her imprisoned.

    “Bet he died anyway. You regret not just doing it yourself and not getting arrested?”

    Meera thought for a moment. “No, not at all. The blood’s not on my hands. I just can’t believe the Emperor threw me in prison because I tried to protect one of his own citizens.”

    The man laughed now, though it was still weak and breathy. “That’s the first thing you need to learn about the Emperor. If a patch of grass doesn’t grow right, he’d rather hide it away than take the time to water it.”

    “But those are his people!”

    “Only the rich and powerful are his people. Everyone else is either a burden or a source of cheap labour. Nobody outside the Central Square will ever be more than that.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This is a very simple story, and the premise is also quite simple, and even through the simplicity, it works wonders. The dialogue and the discussion it conveys are well written, the characters, the situation they are in, all seem really well constructed, and the writing on the effects of the time imprisoned and the reasoning behind the will of the emperor is well conveyed in how they are having to experiencing the prison.

      And it rings true to how people in power work, so there’s that.

      Interesting that you choose to take the route of a kind of awakening or questioning of a guard that didn’t before knew what her role entailed. It was also a great take on the prompt to make the connection that most citizens are as inconsequential as grass… and yet, the guard that question an order is also like the annoying blade of grass that grows where it shouldn’t. Great story here!

    2. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      Ooof. That’s a point of view.

      I’m wondering what the sentence is. Why is she sore? What does this cell look like? Why is it worse two months in rather than at the beginning?

      Nitpick: “The Emperor threw me” would be more correct. I don’t think she’s channeling the emperor.

    3. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      This is why you don’t let your prisoners talk to each other!

      This story is such an interesting build up, and feels like we are just on the cusp of an inciting incident that could send this soldier on a path that will alter their whole world.

      My only small suggestion would be that possibly “ripping the grass out” would be more apt than “hiding it away,” since the implication is that Emperor is happy for his citizens to be casually murdered rather than nurtured and protected. Although hiding away possibly works as a better metaphor for the prisoner on a life sentence, who interestingly hasn’t been killed himself.

      This left me with lots of questions, in the best possible way. And anytime you leave a reader clamoring for what comes next, you’ve clearly done something (or really a lot of things!) right.

      Thanks for writing and sharing!

  7. VulpesRose Avatar
    VulpesRose

    The Smiling Man and an Unusual Choice
    by VulpesRose

    “You are accused of stealing from the King’s treasury!” The voice boomed in the quiet forest clearing.

    “I invoke my right to trial by combat,” the young man declared, sounding bored with the whole affair.

    “Very well.” The captain pointed to one of his finest soldiers, and the man strode forward, armor gleaming in the sunlight. “I have chosen a champion for the crown. You are entitled to choose the weapon.”

    The young man grinned, and there was something almost sinister in the curl of his lip. He plucked two long, thick blades of grass from the edge of the clearing, walked confidently to the champion, and extended one to him. “Your weapon, my liege.”

    The soldiers laughed. The captain did not. “What is the meaning of this?”

    “I have chosen the weapons,” the young man said calmly. “Do you doubt that your champion can perform? I have only a single blade of grass.” He cocked his head to the side. “But that will be enough.”

    The champion was getting impatient. The soldiers were getting restless. The captain was getting a headache.

    “Fine.” The captain moved his men to the edge of the clearing. “Combatants ready!”

    The young man pressed the sides of his thumbs together, with the grass between them.

    “Begin!”

    He raised his thumbs to his mouth and blew. A screeching whistle rang out in the clearing.

    The champion stopped. The soldiers stared. The young man listened.

    There was a sound from the forest. Something between a growl and a howl and a snarl. It sounded angry. It sounded close.

    The young man smiled again.

    For the first time, the champion seemed concerned. “It can’t be,” he stammered. “You’re a myth. That thing,” he pointed toward the forest, “is a myth.”

    “I’m afraid we’re both quite real,” the young man said, not actually afraid at all. “He’s closer than I thought,” he added, offhandedly. “You’ve not much time.”

    They could hear it approaching. Then there was silence. Then there was screaming. And then there was silence again, soon broken by laughter from the young man.

    “Good boy.”

    1. Stellar Avatar
      Stellar

      I adored this one, just because of the choice you made for the grass to be useful, rather than symbolic. It’s definitely good to be unique, even if others had similar ideas.

      The only thing I can really state about your piece in terms of criticism might just… be the end, stagnating three short, simple sentences. Other than that, I think your words flowed well and your ideas came together amazingly.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Being completely honest, I had a feeling I’d be disappointed with this one. Perhaps it was the amount of other stories that took the “blade of grass being a surprisingly effective weapon” approach… but I was really surprised when the young man whistled (I read it again now and don’t think it is all that explicit if he used the blade of grass as an instrument or simply whistled… but my first reading had the former interpretation, and that really sold the story to me). So, I was hooked when I least expected, which is a curious situation to have when reading a story. Not sure not being initially hooked is a good thing, but getting there afterwards was really worth it.

      Overall, I really liked how the story was build on. Mostly the action and sequence is very clear, easy to picture what is going on and extrapolate on what else might be going on. The things not being explicited (such as what the thing in the forest is) is a nice touch, I think that’s the best choice to allow the reader to fill the gaps and keep wondering here.

      Great work!

    3. John Perceval Cain (oneeye John) Avatar
      John Perceval Cain (oneeye John)

      Delightful. Good job of taking the prompt and giving us an unexpected twist. The mix of dialog, exposition and action pace it well. This creates a nice and palpable rising tension to reveal. Citing the “myth” of man and creature leaves plenty to the imagination of the reader to fill in. A few more hints of who he is and what it is would have been nice, but in this short format, I think this works nicely. Good job!

  8. The Missing Link Avatar
    The Missing Link

    One Small Step
    By The Missing Link

    “Is it live?” an excited female voice spoke across the computer, “What’s the delay… oh, I see comments. That means we’re live right?”

    A muffled voice responded, but he was difficult to hear.

    She snapped her head towards the camera, “Oh, sorry everybody, welcome. We’re sorry for any lag, but let’s begin.”

    She turned around, searching for something, “Ah, there it is.” She apologized again to the man behind the camera and took up a stiff voice as she read from the script, “One small step for man, these were the words spoken when we started walking… I mean when man first walked on the moon.”

    She paused, trying to regain her composure. The comments flowed down the side of her screen. She had been warned about the kinds of things they would say, but one caught her eye, “You can do it.” She was surprised. Out of all the comments surely screaming at her to get on with it or get someone else in front of the camera, this one stood out.

    She put down the script and smiled, confidence and adrenaline surging into her voice, she’d made it here after all, “I’m live from Mars with groundbreaking news,” passion joined the confidence, “After many years of hard work, we’ve done something miraculous this sol.”

    She picked up the camera and turned it quickly on the source of her passion. The microphone crackled with the action. And there it was, a simple blade of grass in a glass case, maybe three inches long.

    “In my time at university, I never could have imagined this day,” her voice caught as if holding back tears, “We finally did it. Small step after small step, we made it here. We were afraid it was impossible, but ladies and gentlemen, it is my sincerest pleasure to inform you that we have created life on Mars.”

    1. Stellar Avatar
      Stellar

      I wanna start this off by stating that your choice of how to use the grass blew me away. I didn’t at all know for sure where this was going, and you delivered something that I couldn’t have expected. Capturing her anxiety and desire to do this, because it obviously meant something to her.

      Then came the blow of her being on Mars, and it all came together perfectly in that one statement. I loved every bit of reading this, and I’ve read it three times now.

    2. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      I loved the way you managed to capture the sort of chaotic excitement of a livestream news story going on, with the scroll of comments coming in that may be too quick for the on air talent to even read, the way the protagonist seemed overwhelmed, and finally just thought, “Screw it, I’m going off script and saying this from the heart.” And admittedly, this sort of news would be fairly big.
      Anyway, this was a fun read, Missing. Thanks for sharing it.

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Terraforming Mars was an excellent direction to take this. I love the idea of instead of a traditional news live it’s something closer to Twitch or an Instagram live. It grounds the more technologically out there elements very well. I do think a single blade of grass might be too small for this kind of news, but that’s just a nitpick. Great job!

  9. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    A Glimpse Of Perfection (Alice’s Story)
    By Calliope Rannis

    Some things in this world are so delightfully simple.

    Take a blade of grass, for example. It absorbs light from the sky, and food from the earth, and uses those substances to grow and spread. What bliss it must have, to be able to serve its purpose so easily.

    Another great example is the watch. After all, all it does is tell the time. A simpler purpose could barely be imagined. (Well, to me anyway. Most of the local townspeople seem barely able to read the numbers upon the face, let alone comprehend its actual function…)

    But in truth, the real beauty of these simple creations is the complexity of design within them. I have taken blades of grass, used my tools to unravel their innards, and their networks of veins and roots are quite something to behold. (If only my lenses could look even closer!)

    As for the watch? Well, I build those myself. They start as a mess of freshly-forged parts, and it is my duty to put every single one in its perfect and proper place. A single cog askew, and it’s a useless piece of metalwork. But with all parts working in unity together, that precious higher purpose emerges.

    …And yet, the world never seems to appreciate it. The grass is not allowed to fulfil its purpose in peace – no, it is stamped upon by people, gnawed and infested by insects, razed and befouled by livestock, its tapestry of green constantly torn with holes and stains.

    And the clocks I install for taverns and other public spaces? Rarely understood, often not even looked at. The only time people seem to pay attention to them is when they chime for the new hour, and sometimes all they say is “pretty music.” Music! I’m creating timepieces here, not music boxes!

    I just want to help. To change the world for the better in my own little ways, with just a few simple tools to help us all improve.

    But how can I help anything, when the people I try to help don’t understand my work at all?

    1. Stellar Avatar
      Stellar

      This resonated with me immediately. I do a lot of things in my life that people can’t quite understand that make me feel good, and I suppose that seeing that represented is just pleasant.

      Second, oh my god the way that you’ve personified this without writing a ‘character’ in is great. It felt like I was reading someone’s inner dialogue, their frustration with the outcome of it all, but the love of the craft. Ah, it’s amazing. I loved this piece, and I would adore seeing more.

    2. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
      RVMPLSTLTSKN

      This is a lovely piece. I really like getting a piece from Alice’s perspective. It’s very interesting.

      Interesting tidbit, because I can’t help myself around jewellery discussions, mechanical watches don’t generally have forged parts. Most parts either hand fabricated or turned on a lathe. The part most likely to be forged is the case.

    3. This story sounds like the very beginnings of a villain character arc. It’s the whole bit about pulling apart a blade of grass to find out how complicated it was on the inside. I can easily picture this person taking apart living creatures and, eventually, people. Just to find out how they work.

      And then perhaps trying to rebuild those people with clockwork so they finally operate they way they’re SUPPOSED TO, at least according to this nerd.

      Like: Nobody appreciates my niche interest so I’m going to FIX them until they do.

      Malevolent. Lovely.

    4. Lol I do so love Alice stories. I just vibe with that very literal overanalytical state of mind. You wouldn’t think there would be much if anything similar between a clock and a blade of grass and Alice proves that wrong.

      I will admit that bit about unravelling the blade of grass’s innards just comes across as almost hilariously brutal. And it’s also funny with the later complaint of people not leaving grass in peace.

      But it all comes down to Alice feeling frustrated that she puts so much effort into perfection just for people to be obliviously if not willfully ignorant to her efforts. Which, given the character, makes complete sense.

      Loved this look into her mind!

  10. RVMPLSTLTSKN Avatar
    RVMPLSTLTSKN

    Like The Grasses
    By RVMPLSTLTSKN (The Saga of The Deep One’s Wake)

    There is an aspect of godhood that humans learn early and in excess: obsession.

    Obsession rids the mind of distraction in humans, allows them to see past the mundane aches and pains, past the grassy spikes in their feet, past the niggling thoughts which plague them and focuses them on their desire. Is it any wonder then, how many of them choose each other? That they forget the inconvenient truths of bodily functions and little cruelties, in pursuit of their obsession?

    The gods forget things too, as obsession is a mechanism of temporal experience. The toddler is less obsessed than the teen, than the self-styled lover, than the aged thing which crawls like a coat on a stick.

    Father obsesses over his children, their city. He watches old temples fail and be rebuilt, children grow aged and flash through their phases of obsession, the cycle of seasons change as fish populations shift in response to fishing practices.

    Obsession is a mechanism of time and scale. The weight of memory, of experiences only half remembered and knowledge accrued over a lifetime, or five, or myriad, things are the things gods forget in obsession.

    The only constant for Father is his prodigal daughter. She wanders and tales of her return in her stead, but sometimes she brings them herself, whispering them to him in dark temples during nights without prayers. He chews wheat grass, glutenating in his mouth, while he listens to yet another story of The Stranger or The Wanderer or even The Storyteller. This one is about her cruelty. The teller is a man whose own daughter wandered and was found later, planted in mournful flowering things. Father resolves to hold his prodigal to an account when she returns. While humans now number like grases, each one is important. And murder is still wrong, even for gods. Especially for gods. An example must be set.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Interesting one. Though I’d say this has a little problem of descending impact that makes the ending a little bit wanting.

      Your opening statement is quite impactful, and it prepares us for the very interesting discussion you are about to weave. The imagery and arguments are also quite strong, they carry not just the ideas but a powerful emotional tone in what is being said. But over time, I felt as if the more impactful images and ideas were behind me as I kept reading… When we get to the more narrative bit at the end, I found it a bit confusing and disjointed. I can see the relation with the previous discussion, but it does not feel like it has that strong of a link, and the previous section felt more deep than the narrative. If I can recall correctly what I know about your characters, I think this bit still carries connotations that are epic and awe-inspiring (the whole discussion on how stories carry meaning and teachings valid to humans and gods alike is there, after all), but it felt a bit like going a step or two down on the graveness scale, if that makes any sense.

      It was a very interesting discussion and a very interesting scene, but I wonder if both wouldn’t work better being their own thing than relying on each other to be what they are.

    2. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Oooh, it’s been a while since I’ve seen a more philosophical piece from you, it’s refreshing!!

      Right from the first line I’m drawn right in. I love how it’s not just that humans “learn it well,” but it’s “early and in excess.” It’s a great, more interesting phrasing, true, and really gets you thinking when you put it like that–both about humanity’s penchant for obsession, and how gods might experience it.

      The idea of it ridding the mind of distractions is really interesting too. Maybe it’s just because the main form of obsession I interact with is mad-scientist obsession… but I usually think of it as taking people away from important things like relationships or other work. But it could certainly rid the mind of bad distractions too. As well as allow people to keep going through tough circumstances, where others might give up.
      Come to think of it…I guess that’s often why people get into obsessions in the first place–to distract from certain negative things in their lives.

      “The toddler is less obsessed than the teen, than the self-styled lover, than the aged thing which crawls like a coat on a stick.”
      –Love this. “Self-styled” is a particularly interesting description choice.

      It’s also interesting that Father is described as obsessing over his city. Because, in previous stories, I thought it was sweet and normal for him to keep particular watch over his descendants. But, from the standpoint of the gods…his city is one of many, his descendants many of…many more, and the other gods might indeed think he’s devoting too much time and energy to them.

      “experiences only half remembered and knowledge accrued over a lifetime, or five”
      –Cool phrasing

      I absolutely love that last paragraph. That despite her many travels, and prodigal nature, she is constant. It’s interesting that they have contact as gods. I honestly thought they didn’t. “whispering them to him in dark temples during nights without prayers.” is a particularly cool image.
      “while he listens to yet another story of The Stranger or The Wanderer or even The Storyteller.” is also cool. Especially after the Sins of the Father. His sin was he told stories, and maybe then he was lamenting her absence, and bringing old ideas into the new world, but now those stories are even more dangerous.

      “While humans now number like grases, each one is important. And murder is still wrong, even for gods. Especially for gods. An example must be set.”
      –I absolutely adore this last line. I think I saw you talking in the discord about how you didn’t think you could write satisfying endings well? But both of the last two pieces you’ve written I came away going “Holy heck that was a cool ending” XD (Granted, they only work if you know the characters/full story, but still.)
      I don’t know exactly what he is going to do, but I love the distinction that he loves his daughter…but he can’t condone her actions. He obsesses over her as a father…but as a god he must set an example. And in general I just appreciate when a single life has value, and it’s a cool take on the prompt.

      Typos:

      “things are the things gods forget in obsession” (These)
      and
      “While humans now number like grases,” (grasses)

      Critiques:

      “Is it any wonder then, how many of them choose each other?”
      –I am having a very tough time understanding what this means. That humans choose each other? If so, how does that relate to obsession? That humans choose to obsess over each other? That…obsessions choose each other?

      “The gods forget things too, as obsession is a mechanism of temporal experience.”
      –This line confuses me. The main way I could see obsession and forgetting being connected is that in your obsession you forget everything else. You even say later “[these] are the things gods forget in obsession” Yet the line reads to me like it’s saying the opposite–that forgetting and obsession are measurements of, or at least connected to, time. And I feel like both make you *lose* track of time–ie temporal experience?
      Or maybe my main confusion comes from… what does mechanism mean here? A way of measuring temporal experience? A tool within temporal experience?
      I think it also is a bit confusing because I’d think of the gods as being outside time. But maybe that’s the exact distinction you’re trying to convey–they’re *not* beyond temporal experience.
      The “Obsession is a mechanism of time and scale.” paragraph is also confusing to me.

      “He watches old temples fail and be rebuilt, children grow aged and flash through their phases of obsession, the cycle of seasons change as fish populations shift in response to fishing practices.”
      –I really love the first part of the sentence, but you go from this very broad, interesting, and easily applicable idea, which ends on the key word “obsession” to…fishing. While it makes sense Padas would think about that, it’s a highly specific and not as easily relatable example–where most of the piece is fairly broad. I think the sentence could work if you put the specific example first. But I think it would work better with just the broad idea. The specific example convolutes things, when it would be really powerful as just the part about obsession.

      Great job!!

    3. Rattus Avatar
      Rattus

      I like the philosophical nature of this one, it made for an interesting read. The prose was really well done, it reminded me of a narration from the beginning of a documentary or something. I’m very curious what Father intends to do to set an example with his daughter. I enjoy that he listens to stories about her, even when she’s not the one directly telling them. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s a caring or overprotective(or a mix of both) but it’s a nice image. Well done!

    4. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      Aracnarquista’s comments pretty much sum up my critiques for this work, so I’ll leave it at that and say what I liked about this!

      You really nail the observer, almost alien tone in the narration. It really lends to the feeling that I’m watching as something not human, analyzing as they go about strange activities. The narrator has no emotions one way or another about obsession, and while it lends to the observer role, I would have liked to see them explain the pros and cons of obsession. Why is obsession considered godly and not the other way around?

      Either way, a great read! Keep up the good work!

  11. Cromillea Avatar
    Cromillea

    My Emerald (Dawn Collection)
    By Cromillea

    Lucian should not have regretted trading himself for his people’s freedom, but locked away in a dark cell, sick and shivering was not helping anyone. The moonkin’s psychic had already invaded his mind once, so he would not let himself sleep again for fear of leaking secrets. Despite his growing weakness, he had to stay awake to face the consequences.

    Being caught in the darkness was a profound experience that the Sunrise King never had before; it scared him. The shadows that were so easy to cut through felt suffocating now. It was near impossible to see, but he looked desperately for any relief aside from himself and the void.

    His eyes raced to the center of the cell, falling upon a single blade of grass; he fixated on it with wonder. How could anything be growing somewhere so cold and dark?

    Filled with admiration Lucian whispered, “my emerald, you are beautiful. My hope, you stand tall, a guiding flag in this darkness.”

    The sparkling blade bent towards him. The king was flattered.

    “You mean to thank me! You’re the only other living thing in here, it only makes sense that we should get acquainted.”

    The grass wiggled with joy as two more blades cut through the stone.

    “Oh my,” Lucian said, gazing between the grass and his glowing hands. “I can see my light again! It’s so dim, but you seem to like it.”

    Lucian leaned out of his bed offering his light to grass. It graciously accepted his blessing. Then the emerald blade sprung out through the stone wall, creating a web of cracks. Lucian saw daylight and fainted.

    He later awoke safe in the kingdom, where an attendant was soaking his hands in warm water and combing the stone dust from his blond hair. He saw members of his Crimson Elite idling by the door. His captain was curiously twilling the grass between his fingers.

    “What happened?” Lucian coughed, startling everyone.

    His captain addressed the king with a smile and said, “I suppose his majesty has his father’s knack for gardening!”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I will have to repeat myself, but once again I’m surprised to where this stories are going. The same mythic/fable quality that I’ve come to expect from the collection, but this one also has a very kind of teaching fairytale kind of vibe.

      I also find it very interesting that we are presented once again with another facet of the Sunrise King – so he knows that part of his light come from the relationships he can sustain… which makes me read the first one of this stories in a new light!

      I felt the transition to the end scene a little abrupt, but we all know how the word limit limits us in establishing a more calm pace. And the ending line and the whole contrast works well regardless of how abrupt the cut is.

      That was beautifully told. Great story!

    2. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      Can I just say that I love the fact that the “Sun”rise king has a knack for gardening and making plant friends? Such a polite grass blade, too. This may be unfounded, but I hope they stick around and we get to see more of them! I’m not sure the rules of this universe, so I’m unsure of whether Lucian’s reaction to grass reacting to his words is abnormal or not. I will say, however, that if grass isn’t usually the intelligent kind, I’m a bit disappointed in Lucian’s reaction. It would have made for a brilliant bit! However, I do love their polite tit-for-tat interaction!

      As for critiques, the only one I can say is that the beginning is a bit strange. It starts in the future tense (I think) and ends up in the past tense. Perhaps it could be edited to: “Lucian should not have regretted trading himself for his…” ? That way, it ends up as past tense all the way through.

      Amazing work! Keep it up!

    3. The Missing Link Avatar
      The Missing Link

      I love how even the grass has a personality. I was reading a prison scene in a book this morning, so it’s fun to see more takes on how the little bit of hope left to the prisoner manifests. Magic, sentient grass is definitely one I haven’t seen before.

      Keep up the good work.

  12. Aracnarquista Avatar
    Aracnarquista

    Found in memories
    by Aracnarquista

    Oberon and Titania floated among the shapes and strings of code. It was nice to travel in the vast expanses of the old databases of the Ark; surely it contrasted with the limits the Ark they traveled in their fleshbodies presented them. Here, they could mute the hum of the machinery, they could observe the strange dance of active code jumping and reconfiguring cyber-reality in its way… but their real treasure was exploring the old databases.

    It wasn’t even the content of the data packages they guarded. The architecture of those ancient nodes was an interesting experience in itself. Frozen signals, electric memories whose translation protocols were lost to the ages, information stored in arcane and obsolete ways from the times of Lost Earth… all those data in stasis formed a museum of forms and sensations that were even grander than the starry void the Ark sailed adrift.

    “Obi, link to that and see what I found.”

    This was not just code in stasis. It was an entire hypernode with full sensory stimuli. An active one. The timestamps couldn’t be right, though.

    “Ania, this is from… before the Launch. Before even the Building Effort.”

    “Let’s connect and see what it is.”

    And just so they were in a vast empty expanse where just a small green filament floated. They could perceive it as a simulated sensory memory of a plant of some sort, probably a forgotten relic of Old Earth.

    Textual information was broadcast to them, entitling the experience as “the feeling of fresh grass”. With it, came a possibility.

    Oberon and Titania exchanged a glance before the girl activated the subroutine, and suddenly the void had gravity and a ground from which an infinitude of copies of the green filament sprouted. It smelled fresh, and the simulated wind ruffled the unknown plant and whistled as it passed them.

    Their feet touched the grass… and even though her senses were completely in tune with her cyberbody, Titania felt a tear forming in her flesh eye.

    Adrift among stars they might be, but they still had a precious cargo of memories.

    1. Cromillea Avatar
      Cromillea

      Another great story! The setting of the Ark was seamlessly explained and your imagery and word choice created a clear picture in my mind. I imagined the characters as children performing maintenance jobs in space. They had a child-like curiosity and wonder.

      Are they in a cryosleep, digital simulation? They seem to be traveling away from a destroyed Earth, with nothing but old memories to keep them entertained. I like how they react to finding the grass. They are so plugged in and analytical until they choose to “touch grass”. After that they less distanced from the sensations and feelings that humans experience.

      I do have one grammatical critique. While the thought conveyed in the last line is still impactful, it doesn’t read very well. I would write it as this: “Adrift among the stars, they clung to their precious cargo of memories.” I’m open to further discussions about this, and to critiques of my own grammar.

      Thanks for the story!

    2. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      I really like this sci -fi style mix of the domestic life/technology of Alien and the concept and feel of The Giver. My only issue with this would be that it was very unclear as to whether or not these characters were a part of a computer, in a computer, or looking at a computer screen and just simply knowing how to interpret the code (sort of like in The Matrix). The end helped with this but still left things a tad vague. Overall though, very well done!

    3. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      I would firstly like to say that I LOVE the idea of combining the imagery of both fantasy and Sci-fi. Describing their exploration of data as humming and dancing really brings me back to the source of the character’s namesakes. Digital fairies is a unique idea, and I think you should explore it more! Additionally, the idea of the rulers of the natural world (even if only in name only) rediscovering nature through the digital world isn’t lost on me. The theme of rediscovering nature is a powerful one, and this work really makes me want to know what other memories they have stored in the old data. Maybe a mysterious one?

      Excellent work! Keep it up!

    4. Rattus Avatar
      Rattus

      This was a very interesting take on the prompt! When it first started and I saw the names I assumed it was going to be a Midsummer Night’s Dream retelling(which I suppose it might very well still be). But then the sci-fi elements kicked in, and I realized I was in for something very different than what I had assumed. It was really great, and I liked your descriptions of the virtual world that they were in. I felt like I could picture it very well! Great job on this one!

    5. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      I really enjoyed how your choice of names really colored my early experience of the story. It immediately put fairies in mind, and the idea of two possibly mischievous fairies exploring computer code was instantly compelling. And even as things unfolded and it was clear that they were not fairies but rather avatars of future humans, it still worked and didn’t diminish things in any way. The joy of discovery of a seemingly mundane thing still felt very fairy like, and you captured that innocent rush of discovery so well.

      This story was not what I was expecting it to be, but I really love that. The blend of sci-fi and fantasy just hits me in all the right places. After all, when nothing is familiar anymore, maybe humans become more similar to creatures of myth and legend as we rediscover ourselves and where we came from.

      I’m probably not explaining my thoughts well, but thanks so much for writing and sharing this one!

  13. Skeleton Avatar
    Skeleton

    Which Weapon Whacks Well? (The Will)
    By Skeleton

    “Now then,” Mobius began with a confident grin, poorly hiding his giddy excitement at training his only apparent sister. “That thing in your claw isn’t a toy. It’s a tool designed to—”

    “—kill people, I know,” Zaila rolled her eyes, bringing the sword between Mobius and herself. “Can we just skip to the part where I trounce you? Ericka promised to take over inventory if I could land a hit on you.”

    The red dragon raised his brows, but said nothing as he brought out his weapon.

    Zaila dropped her guard. “That’s a piece of grass,” she complained, motioning to the insult in the dragon’s claw.

    “It sure is,” Mobius confirmed playfully, readying the blade and prompting his opponent to do the same, albeit with more smugness than the red prince.

    A moment of stillness. A strong gust rustled the leaves of the canopy nearby.

    Zaila lunged and watched as the grass in her half-brother’s claw gleamed a fiery-red the moment it collided with her blade. The instant she realized she had not cut the plant, her legs were swept out from underneath her as the blade was wrenched from her claws. The purple dragoness landed on her back as Mobius began to trot around her, chastising and taunting the girl with the green grass.

    “Tisk tisk, Zaila,” he mirthfully remarked. “You really should have seen this coming.”

    Zaila shot up from the dirt with renewed frustration. “How did I not cut it!?” she fumed. “It’s just a flimsy—!”

    “Any Will worth their salt can enhance physical materials with their life essence,” Mobius interrupted with a comforting smile. “Armour, tools, flesh, nerves, and yes, even grass. It’s what makes a Will faster, stronger, and more lethal than your average highwayman. It’s also what Eymir wanted me to teach you before he returns.”

    Zaila grumbled and crossed her arms. “So that’s what he meant…” she lamented. “A sword isn’t a weapon—you are.”

    Mobius squeezed her shoulder with his claw and smiled warmly. “I’ll help you with inventory. We’ll train after!”

    Zaila sighed. At least her brother was a good guy.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I’m really engaged with this continuity. This works very well on its own, and it keep the overall plot growing in interesting ways. Though I’m starting to ask myself how many dragons are there in this scenario… they seem to be ever-present so far.

      The banter was interesting, and the way Mobius explained his ability as a Will was well-conveyed. That being said, in your other pieces I had the impression that a Will had basically one specific trick, and now what is implied is that there is more that can come to each one of them with proper training… This is interesting, to learn of their abilities as they are learning them. Well done.

      I found a small error where I think you typed an extra [h] in the following sentence: “The instant she realized she had not cut the plant, her legs were swept out from underneath her [h]as the blade was wrenched from her claws. ”

      Anyway, that was a very interesting and fun story to read!

      1. Skeleton Avatar
        Skeleton

        Good catch! My fingers sometimes like to as random letters or spaces to a sentence.

    2. Cromillea Avatar
      Cromillea

      I like the action in your story. It’s comedic while being didactic. Mobius is really trying to teach his sister by example. It reminds me of someone that knows what they are doing, but can’t really explain it until they can show you what they did.

      It’s funny how he is serious about welding a tiny piece of grass. The scene is set up like an intense duel of Wills, but the image of a grass weapon contrast that nicely. This story helped me learn some more about them and their powers, which were well explained.

      I have been following this continuity lightly so I am wondering, who is the red prince? Other than that, everything is pretty self contained. Great job!

      1. Skeleton Avatar
        Skeleton

        The red prince is Mobius.

        I thought the context clue of him being a red dragon was enough to connect him to the red prince. I’ll take the confusion around the red prince as a fault on my part on not being clear. That sentence could used some work: it switches from Mobius to his opponent (Zaila), and then back to Mobius. It would be easier to read if I were to only mention them once. My bad!

        I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for your support!

    3. Excellent magic system. The power is not in the weapon, but rather the wielder. LOVE. THIS.

      Those who have the Will can use that mental power to augment whatever they have to hand to win a fight if necessary. I would like to see how the Will could be plausibly used to make a fight unnecessary.

      How could the Will stop a fight before it could start? How can the Will fix a problem without causing bloodshed? That would be really interesting.

    4. Lol for shame! When you’re about to fight someone and they’re incredibly cocky about their clearly inferior weapon, they are about to OWN you. Or they’re just crazy. There’s no real in between here.

      This was a very fun read though. Like the other comments have said, I’m enjoying finding out more of this Will magic system week by week and this story is another great addition to that. I loved the characters and the action was done and explained very well.

      Looking forward to seeing more! Great take on the prompt!

  14. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    The World is Gone.
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    The world is gone.

    It ended an unknowable amount of time ago. All of the clocks and calendars are atoms and molecules now. There is nothing left alive to try to count the months since its destruction.

    The world is gone.

    Dust covers a planet that orbits a star. Dust miles and miles deep in the places that used to have miles and miles of mountains. Sometimes wind whips by, lifting flakes of dust into what remains of the atmosphere. They twirl.

    The world is gone.

    Color left when everything else did. The difference between brown and gray is unimportant. No one is there to attempt to differentiate.

    The world is gone.

    Oxygen and carbon dioxide float amongst the twirling flakes of dust. They do not enter any lungs, they do not take part in chemical reactions that spur movement and energy and life. They exist. That is all.

    The world is gone.

    But there is a space where the dust is not so deep. The ground that used to be the world is close to the surface there. Under the dust is soil. Malnourished soil. Soil lacking in worms or bugs or life of any kind.

    The world is gone.

    Yet something moves in the soil. Water molecules find themselves inside a root system, and they travel up towards where the gaps in the dust create a pathway for sunlight to hit what remains of the world.

    It is a plant.

    The plant had been decimated along with the world. But for lucky days or months or minutes, it absorbs sunlight. Its broken root system collects the molecular amounts of water. The carbon dioxide that drifts passed sometimes enters its stomata and photosynthesis occurs.

    The plant is a single blade of grass.

    Eventually, the grass grows taller. Taller. Tall enough to stretch fully into the light. Life reenters the world that had lost it for an unknowable amount of time.

    The world was gone.

    But it had not stayed that way.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That was beautiful. The overall story is beautiful, the cadence is beautiful, each individual sentence is beautiful. I just love this story.

      The whole thing about time and color losing any meaning when there is no one there to experience them was written in an amazing engaging way. This carried a lot of impactful images and some interesting ideas and all worked together to emphasizes the role life (and its absence) have, and how it makes a world.

      It reminded me of a poem who has a similar tone, called A Flor e a Náusea, from Carlos Drummond de Andrade. It also grows from the idea of a plant growing in a barren situation, a fragile thing that nonetheless marks the possibility of something new even in dire circumstances, hope.

      Anyway, I just found your tale amazing and wanted to share how amazed I was at it. I can’t even formulate a critique to it. Great work!

    2. John Perceval Cain (oneeye John) Avatar
      John Perceval Cain (oneeye John)

      I enjoyed this much. It is very lyrical. A bold choice to take. The repetition makes your point and the verses are equal, balanced and move us along, giving it a delicate sense of pace. I found this very moving; you weaved in a nice moral to the story and kept it exquisite. Great job.

    3. I bet it’s cooch-grass. That stuff is TENACIOUS.

      I like the repetition here in this piece. It’s like nails keeping the awareness in place that the world familiar to us is just plain not there. The cities have crumbled, the signs of civilisation have eroded. There is no environment any more.

      No feet in the middle of the desert. Just desert.

      And one, stubborn, fragment of green that gives us hope that there could be ANOTHER world. A new one. And it all starts there.

    4. I was hoping for a story where the blade of grass was the only living thing on the planet and this story didn’t disappoint. It was written beautifully, almost poetic in the repetition and the rhythm of the piece. And the ending comes across so hopeful that it just ends up tugging at the reader’s heart strings.

      Excellent take on the prompt!

    5. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      I enjoyed this piece greatly! I especially liked how you: 1. scale down the scope of the piece down to the single piece of grass left in the solar system, and 2. how you go from very objective writing to symbolic by the end of the piece. It really highlights the hopeful message of the piece.

      Awesome job! I hope you write more pieces like this in the future!

  15. MasaCur Avatar
    MasaCur

    Beatdown
    By MasaCur

    Jolts of pain erupted in Erykah’s side as she was blindsided by two quick kicks. She staggered back, her head snapping to face her opponent.

    The androgenous dark elf advanced on her, arms raised in a fighting stance, taking a few jabs at Erykah to drive her back.

    Thirteen. Rikke Farlund’s favorite henchperson. Of course that’s who was sent for her.

    Erykah raised her arms defensively, blocking the punches as she retreated away, trying to conjure a spell to her mind.

    To their credit, Thirteen was aggressive in closing in on her, not giving her an opening. A flurry of punches and kicks was launched, some even managing to get past Erykah’s defenses. Her opponent was fast. Maybe a little too fast.

    “You’re going to have to try better than that, Twelve,” Erykah grunted.

    “The name is Thirteen!” the dark elf growled.

    “Hey, Eleven, ask me if I care.”

    Thirteen planted a kick to Erykah’s chest, knocking her onto her back.

    It was just the opening she needed. Erykah’s hands were moving to construct the gust spell. It wouldn’t be much, just a distraction to give herself a little more time, but that might be all she needed.

    A rush of air passed from Erykah’s hand, kicking up dust and dirt directly into Thirteen’s face.

    The dark elf seemed prepared for it, covering their eyes as the cloud of detritus hit them.

    Erykah’s heart fell.

    “Nice try!” Thirteen scoffed. They started laughing as they approached, preparing to stomp Erykah while she was still down.

    Erykah watched as a fluttering blade of grass entered Thirteen’s mouth. Suddenly the elf gagged, and started choking. Thirteen doubled over in a coughing fit.

    Erykah sprang gleefully to her feet, and punched her fist into the palm of her other hand. All thoughts of using magic to fend off Thirteen left her head. Instead, she felt a desire to beat the dark elf in a more visceral way.

    “All right, you fucking rabbit. Time to drop some pain bombs!”

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      The banter/taunting between the two combined with the action made for a fun sparing match to read. When Erykah taunts Thirteen by calling her progressively lower numbers, I think it could work a little better if we understood why Thirteen is called Thirteen and how the numbers apply in universe (though one could make the argument that the fact she was using this as an insult already explains it). I like the scene of when Thirteen ends up gagging over a blade of grass, however it also needs some degree of context. Is she allergic? Was it enchanted? Is it a poisonous type of plant? Or did it just fly perfectly into the back of her throat to trigger a gag reflex? I assume this probably is just due to that pesky word limit. Beyond these things, I thought the story was great.

    2. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      One of the key ingredients to heroes of old was luck, and it seems that Erykah has that in abundance! It’s been a while since I’ve seen a hero saved by luck, so it was refreshing to read the blade of grass fly into Thirteen’s lungs. It’s an interesting way to turn the tide of battle, and I think you used it very well! I don’t know about the rabbit, comment, though. It was rather confusing at first, but I came to the conclusion it was because of the kicks. I’m not sure if that’s what you intended. However, I will say that when I read Thirteen’s attacks, it did not remind me of a rabbit at all, which then lead into the confusion. The conflict itself was perfect in my opinion!

      I noticed one thing that may need some review: “A flurry of punches and kicks was launched…” You set up the story in past tense, so I believe that “was” should be changed to a “were”. Other than that, there was nothing I could see!

      Keep up the great work! I look forwards to reading more!

  16. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    Hastenburaphobia
    by Lee Strangely

    Bright blue skies and a mild breeze made for a beautiful day, one in which Mallory found herself standing in the open doorway for the first time in years. It was momentous milestone, but Cydney thought it could be better.

    “Come on,” Cydney pleaded, “it’s gorgeous out! You got to feel this breeze!”

    “I… I can feel it from here,” Mallory stated from the doorway she clung onto.

    “Mal you have to move past this sometime,” she said as her bare feet paced through the luscious green, “it’s not going to do anything to you. See, I’m fine!”

    “They only pick on me,” Mallory whimpered.

    Cydney reached over to take one of Mallory’s hands. She then slowly walked away step by step, gently outstretching both of their hands.

    “No…”

    Cydney grinned before suddenly yanking her out. Mallory yelped as she made contact with the yard.

    As Mallory began to shake Cydney held both of her hands, “Come on. Don’t look at it, just look at me.”

    Cydney slowly walked backwards, gently pulling Mallory with. Mallory’s eyes jittered about, jumping from Cydney to everything around her. She couldn’t help but smile when their eyes locked. During the slow movement her mouth seemed to shiver, shakily hopping from that smile to a fake look of indifference.

    Cydney guided her until reaching a blanket on the ground, where the two sat down. Mallory curled up within the confines of the fabric, while Cydney sprawled herself out. In the heat and her embrace, Mallory managed to feel some degree of comfort.

    Remarkably they both managed to doze off. However, something was waking Mallory. It felt like a tickle on her hand. The shiver you feel when something barely grazes you. Looking over, she froze.

    Her hand lied in the grass, the thin leaves almost curling around her fingers. She immediately tried to pull her hand back, the blades cutting her as she did. Her teary eyes stared at the plants. They mockingly danced in the wind. In their swaying, something briefly glimmered.

    Mallory looked back at her hand. She had a ring…

    Had…

    1. Cromillea Avatar
      Cromillea

      I’ve learned about so many different phobias from your stories. This one was no exception, I can imagine that the pokey, saw-like, and itchy feel of grass would definitely scare someone.

      I thought that it was nice to have another kind character helping Mallory overcome her fears. Being supported emotionally until she was on the blanket, and a layer away from touching grass, was nice to see. She was even able to relax for a bit before she made contact.

      The grass stole her ring!

      Anyways, thanks for introducing me to a new phobia and these brave and supportive characters.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      If there is one thing I really like when you write these stories is how you build up the tension and discomfort before introducing the phobia… and that the object of fear seem to be really malicious in all the ones I remember to have read! Which really makes all the more sense considering we are following the specific sensation of the phobic person, and that’s great. Okay, that’s two things. Maybe there is out there lurking a fear of incorrect quantities or counting wrongly that we could work with…

      As always, I think those two elements are really well worked in the story, and the ending has that mixture of horror and funny that lends itself well for endings of short stories.

      I feel a bit strange on how they managed to doze off even if that was surrounded by that terrible, cunning and thievery grass… and even stranger about noting out how remarkably it is. Nothing t hat detracts from the story, just one of those things that makes one go “wait a minute…”.

      Anyway, that was a very interesting take, and I really hope to read more about different fears if the prompt winds blow this way!

    3. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      Poor Mallory. I never fully realized how terrifying the fear of grass could be–locking you away in walls or cities. But, I suppose it could be worse! I found it incredibly interesting that the grass itself seems to have some kind of vendetta against Mallory. What could she have done to urk grass to the point of harassing any chance they acquire? And I understand that Cydney is trying to help, but forcing someone to face their fears never, ever works. It’s just reintroducing the trauma of what gave them the phobia in the first place! It’s quite selfish of her to forcibly yank Mallory out of her comfort zone.

      As for critiques, I don’t really have any major ones! I just feel like the ending could use something… more? It was rather anticlimactic. To me, it just sort of ends without any satisfactory conclusion. It’s one hell of a cliffhanger, though! I really want to know more about the relationship between Mallory and the grass.

      This was an amazing read! Please keep it up!

    4. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      Got to say the set up for that ending was so well done, now how will Cydney react to this. I do enjoy a story that takes a ‘irrational’ fear and shows there is merit to it. I now want to know how Mallory developed it, cause I see magic afoot here.

      All in all loved it.

  17. You Were Expecting A Literal Interpretation, But It Was Me…
    By Marx

    “Matt… you don’t understand what you’re asking…” Laila murmured, dropping her head.

    “Funny. I thought I was just asking you to be my friend. Instead of pretending to be.”

    Laila sighed back, wincing at the phrasing. “It’s… not that simple.”

    Matt crossed his arms. “Simplify it then.”

    “Matt… I’ve been an angel since before Earth was a thing, much less humanity. You’re thinking like a human, but… I don’t have that luxury. I was created to fight for Heaven. And after Death was born, my purpose became to kill as well. That’s who I am. I can’t just… stop my purpose for being.”

    “Well, I think your purpose sucks.”

    Laila looked up suddenly as if she’d been slapped, the pain of Matt’s words etched on her face.

    “I don’t know that Laila. You went out of your way to hide that Laila from me pretty much my whole life. The only Laila I know is sweet. Caring. She’s not the best at hiding her emotions and a bit of a goofball. Personally, I don’t think you could have faked ALL of that.”

    “I didn’t fake any of that…” Laila mumbled under her breath.

    “Then there’s more to you than fighting and killing. In fact, I know there’s more to you than that because if there wasn’t, you would have killed me already. That’s what a ‘warrior angel’ would have done, right? Because I’m too big of a potential threat to exist if I don’t blindly follow them?”

    “Matt… you’re asking me to choose you over… Heaven. Over the other angels. Over a life I’ve been living for eons.”

    Matt shrugged. “Well, from what I can tell, it’s either that or you kill me. So, who are you? My friend or an angel?”

    Laila’s features turned from conflicted to furious before she grabbed Matt and much to his surprise, kissed him.

    Matt stood dumbfounded. “Well, that was… unexpected.”

    “I know. We can talk about it later. Now shut up and give me a moment to figure out a future where Heaven doesn’t kill us.”

    “Us.” Matt smiled. “That works for me.”

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      What a cute story, Marx! I’m sad to report that I am not as familiar with these characters as many other members of this writing group, but I still understood enough to make sense of the story. I really like how you handled the emotions of this scene. It’s incredibly cute without feeling overly cheesy. Overall, Marx, a fun read. Great job!

      1. Thank you so much! I’m actually really glad to hear that it still gets the idea across without being familiar with the characters. I at least try to do that to varying amounts of success lol. Cute without going full cheese is absolutely what I was going for. I’m glad you liked it!

    2. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      Your title is a little too on the nose, lol. This piece, however, was not. This was an amazing read, honestly! I quite like that you didn’t take the prompt so literally– it adds a lot to how powerful Laila and what she belongs to is. To the higher power, Matt would be a single blade of grass, wouldn’t he? It does a lot to show how momentous this choice is: nobody would really care if one blade of grass was trampled in the wake of a beautiful lawn, so Laila’s choice is quite shocking! Just from this alone, you can tell that they’ve been through a lot and have a tight bond together.

      If I had to critique this, it would be in the beginning when Matt says “I thought I was just asking you to be my friend. Instead of pretending to be.” I feel that this might be two sentences since they’re both talking about the same thing. Putting a period here separates the same idea into two. I don’t even think you need a comma there– just join the sentences into one! Other than that though, this piece was great!

      Keep it up! I look forwards to reading more about Laila and Matt!

      1. Lol I know, I know! I don’t overly take the titles too seriously, but at soon as the idea for this one hit me, it made me laugh. And still makes me laugh which is why it wins out, but I will avoid being quite that meta in the future… unless I find it funny…

        And while I’ll fully admit that I wrote this so that Matt or Laila could be seen as the single blade of grass, I also love the interpretation of Heaven seeing people as a lawn of sorts.

        I’m really glad I was able to get their pre-existing relationship across. Lol her choice at the end kind of depends on how well I established it.

        As for the critique, hm… I wanted those to be separate for affect. Like, I want you to actually be my friend (pause) instead of pretending to be. But you’re right. It’s one sentence, really. Maybe I can do elipses instead… I’ll look into it.

        Thanks for the review!

  18. A Job Done Too Well (Cordelia’s Journey)
    C. M. Weller

    Finally, after the debacle with the dandelion, Miss Cordelia Bellarin was ready to rejoin her age-mates in Lithonesse’s courtyard. Matron Stark remained ready for trouble, keeping an eagle eye on the girl. Owing to her four older sisters, she was known to the school, and frequently addressed, as “Miss Bellarin Quintus”. And, thank the gods, she was proceeding rather well.

    Matron Stark still kept a hand ready over the Rod of Correction. Just in case the girl backslid and used her servile and common Druidic gifts. So far, so good. She was re-introducing herself to her classmates after so much remedial time in Lithonesse’s dungeons.

    All right and proper. Perfect posture. Perfect grace.

    At least until she saw something during one of her curtseys. Something that terrified her.

    Stark lunged towards the gaggle of girls as Miss Bellarin Quintus staggered backwards in full hysterics. The other students were confused by the display, scattering away from their shrieking age-mate as they spotted Matron Stark’s approach.

    Stark put herself between the problem girl and whatever she had fixed her terrified gaze upon. “MISS Bellarin Quintus! Go practice your sidesaddle immediately and remember your breathing!”

    The girl worked on her breathing instantly as she marched towards the wooden horse made for such practice. Only then, did Stark attempt to divine what the fuss was about.

    A single fragment of green had once more forced its way into the stark, bare environment of Lithonesse. A tiny shard of grass, in ground that was so hard-trodden that it was practically stone. Had the girl unconsciously summoned it? Or was it neglect on behalf of the groundskeeper?

    An investigation must be necessary. AFTER the Matrons of Lithonesse allowed Miss Bellarin Quintus to re-acclimate to plants. It would not be suitable to have a lady of high class to have a phobia of gardens, when garden parties were a vital part of the social scene.

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      This is a fascinating story, C.M.! I don’t know much about this culture or this world, but I still really liked this piece. I really like the mysterious aspects of this piece. What happened to Cordelia to make her afraid of a single blade of grass? Do I even want to know? Regardless, I enjoyed reading this story, C.M. Great job!

      1. It’s alluded to in my entry for “The Story of Leaves”. And exactly how and why her Druid powers were clammed up for so long.

    2. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      A job done too well indeed. 😮 It turns out that when you lock little girls up in dungeons for goodness knows how long for talking to flowers, it creates adverse side-effects to other plants too! Lithonesse sounds like a truly dreadful place, I hope a certain future Earl of Whitekeep is able to do something about that. After all, I get the feeling that his wife didn’t exactly forget what that place did to her.

      Slight nitpickyness here, but would this Matron refer to her charge’s druidic powers as ‘gifts’, if they represent something so negative in their culture?

      Now I’m just wondering *how* they managed to ‘re-acclimate’ Cordelia to plants, after the thorough job they did in making her scared of them. And how cold and horrid, that they only reason they are trying to fix the girl that they broke at all is so that she can serve her purpose in society, and not because of her actual health or well-being.

      In any case, a very informative and evocative story! Great work Internutter! ^w^

      1. Oh the instant Kosh hears about it, he’ll go after them with a vengeance. And allow Cordelia the first strike 😀

        You’re right on the nitpick. I’m thinking about alternate wording for it and “curse” is a little to severe. Adding “alleged” in front of “gifts” might push me over the dreaded wordcount. However… adding SCARE QUOTES around “gifts” might imply that Stark doesn’t believe that they’re gifts.

        I imagine that Lithonesse might punish Cordelia more severely for reacting to plants than not reacting to them. They are more about the stick than the carrot tbh.

    3. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      It’s very impressive how you characterize Matron Stark in one scene with such nuance! Although her name, roll, and readiness to use the Rod of Correction make her out to seem like the uncaring “step-mother” figure of Lithonesse, I see there is some kindness to her. The fact that she stepped in between the girl and what had frightened her as the first action of correction speaks volumes, since the Rod of Correction was mentioned to be at the ready. Even more to that fact: Matron Stark doesn’t use the rod at all, which makes be believe she cares for the girls (even if she can’t show it).

      My critique for this piece is for the use of commas. There are a lot and most are unnecessary. For example, the second half of the first paragraph contains five commas, but (I believe) only one comma is necessary. The first comma is correct, but the two after can be completely removed. [Also, I believe there needs to be a “was” in “she was known to the school, and (was) frequently addressed”]. The fourth and fifth commas ARE technically correct, but in the instance where you want to interject within the same line, I would recommend the EM hyphen. The break in the sentence is much clearer with hyphens in my opinion.

      This was great work! I can’t wait to see more of both Stark’s and Bellarin’s journey!

      1. I have been speaking it for 49 years and I am STILL learning how to English -_-

        Stark is a juggernaut in Cordelia’s life. She enters, blows the shit out of everything that Cordelia used to be, and reshapes her according to a set of completely arbitrary rules. Irreperable damage, in some aspects, but also a formative experience.

        The stone of Lithonesse is there as part of Cordelia-as-adult. Her resolve and determination is because of Lithonesse. As well as a mortal terror of getting things wrong.

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