Writing Group: Magic Won’t Save You

Hello, Down-On-Your-Luck Witches and Second-Rate Wizards!

Well well well… [INSERT EVIL LAUGH] It looks like you’ve fallen right into my trap. Best give up the fight right now, my dear, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Magic Won’t Save You

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

Magic is often the catch-all of fantasy solutions. The most important and powerful tool in any adventurer’s kit—as long as one knows how to use it. But what happens when even the one thing that seems impossible to beat isn’t enough?

There are many situations in which magic could fall short. A villain who knows your character’s weakness might have them captured. Your character could stumble into a strange place which disables or otherwise interferes with magic. Fighting someone with the same level of magic could mean your character’s magic isn’t much of a trump card. They could be fighting an army, and maybe their magic simply isn’t enough to take all the enemies down. Or perhaps your character is still learning, or otherwise incompetent, and their magic simply isn’t strong enough to save them at this point. And there’s always the things magic usually can’t do: bring back the dead, and make someone fall in love.  

Perhaps it’s less about the fact that magic can’t accomplish the task, but rather that the cost—either to the one performing it, and the one it’s performed upon—is so great it’s worse than not working in the first place. Perhaps it can’t save you because, even if it works, it will only drive you further into darkness and despair—further back than square one. 

It could be more domestic. Perhaps a student wants to cheat on a test, and their magic solution fails, or else they get caught, and magic won’t save them from the principal. Perhaps magic can’t save a couple—be them a king and queen, or a lower class couple in modern day—from a loveless marriage. Perhaps someone loses an arm, or becomes paralyzed, and magic cannot heal them. Maybe someone is depressed, or struggles with some other mental illness which magic can’t fix. 

One of the most interesting aspects of this prompt is that the specific magic system within your universe determines how difficult the bar is to hit. Some magic systems are weaker than others. In that case, there are far more things that magic wouldn’t be able to fix, or save you from. However, for those systems in which it is extremely powerful, the situations it couldn’t fix would have to be a lot more rare, dramatic, and intense. 

Playing with different specific, classic types of magic could be fun too. Such as, what could make it so even true love—said to be the most powerful magic of all—isn’t enough to break a curse? 

So far I’ve been using the words “won’t” and “can’t” interchangeably, but that distinction could potentially be important. “Won’t” implies a will. What if magic itself is a sentient entity, and—while it can save you—it willfully refuses?

As Arthur C. Clarke once said, “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” In a science fiction story, perhaps the advanced technology— which for all intents and purposes acts as magic— is what cannot save your character. Perhaps, despite all their laser guns, teleporters, fancy spaceships, and force powers, they just can’t win. 

Or maybe it’s more real. There are some things in our real world that can be referred to as “magic.” People today often like to peddle solutions to problems that are too good to be true.  As The Mad Hatter in Once Upon a Time says “You know what the issue is with this world? Everyone wants a magical solution for their problem, and everyone refuses to believe in magic.” Perhaps you could write about a character who has to learn they’ve been scammed, or to stop chasing magic solutions to their problems, and either pursue something more real, or realize their problem is unsolvable. Or perhaps, instead, they learn magic is real…it just wasn’t what they thought it was. 

Many of us write about characters who are powerful beyond belief, who seem impossible to beat, let alone kill. Let’s see how they’re brought low this week, what situations even their immense power cannot save them from, shall we? 

Psst. While he’s distracted. Hand me that rope. Also the book, and the knife. Oh, and we’re gonna need that guy’s leg too. Magic might not be able to save us, but I think I can still get us out of here.

—Kaylie

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

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Comments

230 responses to “Writing Group: Magic Won’t Save You”

  1. [Subversion] Well and Truly Conquered (Chronicles of The Dragon)
    By Makokam

    On a dark night, a car pulled off an unlit and heavily wooded road, through a heavy gate, and onto a long driveway. At the end, past dozens of neatly manicured bushes, stood an old mansion, wide as a city block and several floors high. The car stopped in front of the large double doors at the front and waited.

    A man with dark, ruffled hair and wearing a long coat stepped out of the back seat, looking up at the building. A woman with honey blonde hair, pulled back into a ponytail, and wearing a forest green cloak stepped out from the other side, looked at him, and could tell he wasn’t really looking at it, but through it. At what was inside it.

    “Now remember, Jonathan, you are a guest here.” she said to him.

    “I’m aware,” he replied, his eyes still roving around the building.

    “Of a Queen. You need to be polite.”

    “I’m polite.”

    She walked around the car, fixing her cloak. “You come across as arrogant a lot. You’ve developed an attitude of not caring because nobody can hurt you. That if they want to make a problem it will be THEIR problem, not yours.”

    “Jostica, I-” he stopped. “If you’re saying I invite conflict…I suppose you’re right. It makes it easier if other people pick the fights.”

    Jostica stepped over and started to properly straighten his clothes. “And you are NOT going to do that here. You are going to be polite, and you are going to be respectful.” She gave him a final pat and said, “Out of respect for me, if not for the Queen of Vampires.”

    He took a deep breath. “I’ll do my best to follow your example.”

    “Good,” she said, giving him a pat on the cheek.

    The Butler at the door cleared his throat. “Her Majesty is waiting.”

    “Yes. Thank you for your patience, Marquell.”

    The Butler “Hmm”’d and held the door open for them.

    Marquell led them to Her Majesty’s lounge, where she usually conducted her less than Official business. Jostica knew the way, and was familiar with the building, so she watched Jonathan to see his reactions to it all.

    And honestly, they were a bit disappointing. He definitely looked at everything, but he seemed less interested in the art, design, or architecture, and more in simply remembering the layout. She could also tell he was still getting a feel for where everyone in the building was.

    “There are a lot of vampires here.”

    “A couple dozen, yes.”

    “Closer to four dozen.”

    “Oh?” She raised an eyebrow. She’d never seen more than a dozen at one time, so hearing she’d underestimated the occupancy wasn’t a surprise. By how much however…

    “Her Majesty is waiting for you,” The Queen’s assistant, Adelaide, said as she held the door open and gestured for them to proceed inside.

    Jostica nodded and thanked her, and Jonathan followed suit as they went inside.

    The room was easily three times the length of any of the rooms they’d passed, and took up two floors, with several tapestries, bookshelves that reached the ceiling, and a large fireplace on the far side filled with softly glowing ashes. Near the fireplace was an old fainting couch. On the couch was a petite woman with dark red hair that fell down past her waist, wearing a simple yet elegant purple nightdress.

    “Oh. You’re here.”

    She stood up and, with a wave of her hand, moved the couch against one of the walls.

    Jostica gave a subtle curtsy. “A pleasure to meet with you again, your Majesty.”
    Jonathan followed her lead and subtly bowed as well.

    The Queen smirked up at him for a moment before her expression turned neutral again. “I thank you for responding so quickly to my request, Jostica. And it’s an honor to finally meet The Dragon.” She gave him a subtle curtsy as well.

    Jonathan cast a glance at Jostica, who shrugged with her eyes.

    “I was told you needed me,” he said.

    She smiled and walked up to where she just needed to tilt her head to keep eye contact. “Yes. There’s something I’d like you to help me with. Something I think only you can do, if anyone can.”

    “Well,” he said, “I’m sure I’ll be happy to help then.”

    “I bet you would be,” the Queen said with a smirk. She took a step closer, put her arms behind her back, and pulled herself to her full height. “I want you to try and kill me.”

    “Your Majesty!” Adelaide shouted. “You can’t- You can’t be serious!”

    “What!?” Jostica shouted. She turned. “Jonathan don’t do it.”

    “No no, I want to hear her out,” Jonathan said, his gaze focusing on her intensely.

    “Not many people know this, but I’m not a normal vampire. I’ve survived things that would kill anyone else. The sun, starvation, weapons and spells designed specifically for destroying vampires. I’ve experienced all of it. None of it’s worked.” She sighed. “I’ve been alive for… over five thousand years? But not really. Without the chance of death, it’s felt for a long, long time, that there is… no meaning.” Her gaze went distant, and all those thousands of years could be seen to weigh on her. “That nothing matters. That there’s no point to…anything. Even my Sister and father have to choose to continue living. I exist whether I want to or not. And I am tired.”

    And then her mood picked back up, and she said with a smile, “When I heard about you, Jonathan, and how the World League of Protectors fears you, I thought that maybe, just maybe, you could do what no one else could.” She smiled at Jostica. “And then I found out that Jostica here, who has already proved a great ally, is your Sister.” She looked back at Jonathan. “So I had to ask her to introduce us.”

    “Jonathan, please, don’t do this. You’ll be an enemy of all vampires.” Jostica pleaded.

    “Yes, I assure you that attempting to murder our monarch will not be taken lightly,” Adelaide growled.

    “But I’m just fulfilling a personal request,” he said, looking at her hungrily.

    “So you’ll do it then?” she asked, grinning widely.

    “Sure,” he said, lip curling into a grin, “I’ll give it a shot.”

    “Thank you.”

    Jonathan said, “Could you step a little…” and gestured to the Queen’s left

    “Of course.” She stepped to the side, so she stood directly in front of the fireplace, and she spread her arms, inviting him to strike.

    “Wait you’re doing this now?!”

    “Your Majesty you can’t just-”

    He raised a hand, and Jostica flinched and jumped back, Adelaide screamed and leapt forward, his expression tensed for the barest of moments, and a fireball flashed from his hand. It struck the Queen in her chest and detonated, lighting the room in a blinding flash, and pushing through and blasting her body into the back of the fireplace. A blackened and partial skeleton was left pressed against the back of the fireplace, before falling into the ashes below.

    “IMOGENE!” Adelaide screamed.

    “Oh my god…what have you done…” Jostica gasped, going pale.

    “I just did what she…” Jonathan slowly tilted his head to the side, “asked.”
    There was a sudden silence as the bones crumbled into dust, and swirled into the air. The smoke and ash that lingered in the air coalesced into a dark smoke, condensing further and further until they formed a solid black figure. And slowly, the color came back into figure, until the Queen was standing before them, whole and unharmed.

    And then she collapsed to the floor.

    Adelaide ran to her, while Jostica slowly approached, not sure how close she could or should get. Jonathan watched with interest, and maybe offense.

    “Imogene? My Queen? Are you okay? Are you with us?”

    A minute later, the Queen’s eyes fluttered open and she sat up. A few seconds of looking around the room later, she sighed and stood up. She looked herself over then brushed her hair around to her front, and approached Jonathan. “I confess I didn’t have much hope that you could accomplish what I asked,” a smile on her face and disappointment in her eyes, “but I appreciate you making such a thorough effort, as well as you taking the time to come at all.”

    Despite the Queen’s blasé attitude and words, Adelaide continued to glare daggers at Jonathan.

    “Jon… Jon, we should…go. We should go,” Jostica said, putting her hand on his shoulder and trying to pull him with her.

    “No,” Jonathan said, pushing her hand away, and not taking his eyes off the Queen. There was a tension in his body and eyes now, that hadn’t been present earlier. “I want to give this another try.”

    The Queen raised her eyebrows. “You think you’ve got something better than completely incinerating me? I even felt that in my soul.”

    Adelaide started to her feet. “How DARE y-?!”

    “Silence,” The Queen said, holding her hand out.

    “Jonathan, please…” Jostica said, pulling on his coat.

    “For years now, I’ve had something buzzing in the back of my head. Something that wanted out. I think this is the time to let it loose.”

    “Oh?” The Queen said, “Fascinating. Let’s see it then.”

    He pushed a hand out towards Jostica. “I don’t know what’s about to happen, so maybe step back a bit.” Jonathan’s eyes went distant. A great weight seemed to fill the room.

    Adelaide, Jostica, and even Imogene’s eyes went wide. The feeling grew and changed. It started to feel less like something was pressing in on them, and more that something inside them was pushing out. As if there was nothing around them. A complete void. An absence.

    There was a growing fear among them. A fear greater than any they had felt. But also a calmness. A welcomeness. Like they were returning to their truest home.

    With a crack more felt than heard, as if reality itself had shattered, it was in his hand.

    Their first thought was that it was plain. Simple. A tool made for a purpose, and nothing more. But a tool that would do that job well. Their second thought was that it was old. Older than anything could be.

    Jostica and Adelaide could barely suppress the feelings of dread. Imogene, however, felt a sense of wonder and hope. As if she was seeing a long lost friend.

    Jostica was the one to move first. Her eyes broke away from the scythe in his hand, and found his. Eyes that were like looking into the void. Almost a solid black, their only hint of color coming from a glow that was felt more than seen.

    “Jonathan… What is that?”

    He did not answer. Instead, without any flair, he gripped it with both hands and set his feet as if he had done it trillions of times.

    Imogene’s lips curled into a hopeful smile as she reached her arms out to him.

    He swung.

    The impact shook the ground, sending Jostica and Adelaide to the floor. All of reality seemed to be vibrating, a resonance that could be felt down to their souls.

    And Imogene stood, wide eyed, with the blade stopped at her throat.

    His expression turned to pure fury and determination. Shifting to put his full power behind the scythe, the floor shattering beneath his feet. And then…

    The world blinked, and Jonathan stood as if he’d completed the swing.

    The shock and weight dissipated almost instantly. Imogene, shaking, looked around the room, and down at herself.

    Jonathan blinked. And stood up straight. He looked at the scythe for the first time. “It…felt like it broke.” He examined the blade, whose edge was keener than any he’d ever seen. “But…clearly it didn’t.”

    He looked at Imogene, who stood looking back at him—or maybe through him—tears in her eyes. “My father, is the greatest Necromancer to ever live.. And throu- And through me, he has well and truly conquered Death.”

  2. Donovan Clark Avatar
    Donovan Clark

    Gone
    by VioletWillow

    Years of cold cricket song whistled through the window of his dark reading room. It had been one year since his mother died. The bottle of whisky sat empty and watching from the small varnished end table he kept for better reasons. The dim light bounced between book covers painted in strange hues. He had just finished the latest novel by Osamu Dazai, and he felt no better. When he started reading the sun had been bright and high, but now the moon shone blunted through thick and ugly clouds.

    The clothes of prosperity coated every room of his house, ancient pottery and gilded portraits, and he looked at it all with disgust. Soulless imitations, they could do nothing for him now.

    The last year had felt like a dream, he kept expecting that early morning text message, just checking in to see how her son was doing. It never came of course, his mother’s hands would never again navigate the latest iPhone update, with or without his help.

    He tried to think of his heroes, his great inspirations and their trials. But reading a thing and doing it are never quite the same. He was not Hercules or Odysseus, he could not fight his enemies with strength and wit. It was nothing, a hollow left by an immature carver, and it weakened the entirety of the work. The world seemed to him a phrase that had lost its significance.

    And of course there was the guilt, that he had not spent enough time with her. Guilt over all the times he shunned her, just to cavort with his hooligans, to waste precious hours in drink and debauchery. All the while she might have sat at home, waiting for him to open the door and enliven her evening, to talk for hours of things that didn’t matter, only to have their voices share in each other and ring throughout that dusty old room, just as he sat now.

    The drink was all gone, and the memories were coming strong. It was time to go to bed.

  3. Sonia Tuffin Avatar
    Sonia Tuffin

    Magic Isn’t Everything

    Sonia Tuffin

    I was crouched down behind an unusually large, wooden staff with green areas. I was actually extremely curious as to what this object really was. As there were many of the sort in the area. But, I had no time to ponder because I was being attacked by a non-wizarding body. At the time, I was most likely the first witch to ever travel to another dimension. This dimension had an absurd title called, “Earth.” Everything here looked completely bizarre to my eyes.

    “Boom!” went to the black wand that my attacker was holding. This object produced a loud noise that almost busted my ears. I positioned myself and tried very hard to cast a spell for the tenth time. Once again, I ended up dry. But, one thing I knew was that I was not about to be defeated by a non-wizarding man. I had to stay strong and think of a plan.

    But in my life… the only plan I ever had was one word…. MAGIC! Now, in this peculiar place, I had no magic. Then, my attacker ran closer to me. A chill went down my spine.

    “Please show mercy!” I screamed pleading.

    “Ha,” the attacker guffawed, running towards me.

    “I, Marilyn Tiffin, come in peace!” I reasoned.

    Finally, I ran out of breath from all the running and came to a stop.

    “Put your hands up, you filthy trespasser!” the man spoke clearly.

    Once again, this made no sense to me. Putting my hands up is how I perform a spell. So, I followed his orders and raised my arms above my head. I vigorously shook my hands. As I was trying to perform my spell I noticed something in my peripheral vision. I noticed a tall looking staff with green parts to it. But, I believed that this magic could protect me more than this staff.

    “Lorato Camara!” I shrieked while performing the spell. Nothing happened. The opponent pointed an oddly shaped staff to my head as a round object was about to hit me in the forehead.

    “Noooo!” I shouted in my last attempt.

    1. nekomorimori Avatar
      nekomorimori

      i love it ,
      whitc from fantasy word coming to earth
      losing her magic
      ending up on privat property
      i wonder what will happen nexst will she wake up in jailcell
      or will she be confranted by the lord or oner of the property
      confranted and interagated
      woe are you wexsan and how thete you get past your seceraty
      we have servalens camara drones patroling the fasenaty and you mange to
      get past all of it and inveltrat the senter vila
      confused witch if never heard of a camara drone spell ?

      love the story

    2. nekomorimori Avatar
      nekomorimori

      ps :what was ” unusually large, wooden staff with green areas.” ??
      I am actually extremely curious as to what this object really is ??.

      1. It was a tree. And thank you for the feedback.

    3. Charlie Ford Avatar
      Charlie Ford

      Good job Sonia

    4. Donovan Clark Avatar
      Donovan Clark

      It’s an interesting picture, for sure. A witch being displaced into a reality where magic does not apply. Some of the wording comes across to me as awkward though, if you don’t mind my elaboration. Particularly the dialogue comes across as very corny, almost over-acted, the “show mercy” and “filthy trespasser” seem like too much. Also, and this might just be more of a pet peeve but, “I screamed pleading” comes across as redundant when you could just say something like “I screamed” or “I pleaded”. Still, cool idea and decently executed, I look forward to seeing more.

  4. Iosef Paramonov Avatar
    Iosef Paramonov

    Zeckyll and Dervius vs. The Door

    Iosef Paramonov

    The door wasn’t big. It was enormous. Eighteen metres of solid iron, black as the day it was forged deep inside Mount B’trunkn. Grim faces of Dwarvish heroes battling hideous monsters patterned its ominous visage.

    And at waist level was a small brass doorknob, with an ordinary keyhole as found in any common household.

    Zeckyll and Dervius stood before the towering structure, their mouths open in awe. Finally, Dervius rolled up his sleeves and began to wave his hands to form a simple opening spell.

    “Derv…” said Zeckyll.

    “Yeah, Zeck?” said Dervius.

    “You sure that’s a good idea?” asked Zeckyll.

    “Well ‘ow else are we supposed to get in? A bloody ‘airpin?”

    “No but…” Zeckyll faltered.

    “Yeah?”

    “Well, you remember the vampire earlier? We tried to conjure a stake to drive frew its ‘eart?”

    “Yeah.”

    “In the end, we ‘ad to knock it out wiv a lump of meat.”

    “It was you who did the spell. S’not my fault you can’t say the words right!”

    “Okay, but you did the spell for invisibility. To get past the three-headed dog.”

    “Well it worked, didnit?”

    “Yeah, but it made our footsteps and breavin’ four times louder.”

    “Well so what? You ‘eard me say the words, they were correct! What’s your point?”

    “This place,” Zeckyll gestured to the cavernous dungeon behind them, “It does somefin’ weird wiv magic. Twists the meaning ov the spell, if you know what I mean.”

    “Come on Zeck, we’re nearly there. Untold riches, moun’ains ov treasure. We can’t give in now.”

    “Yeah, but…” Zeckyll’s voice trailed away.

    “Look, just stand back, will’ya? I’ve got this.”

    Dervius flourished his hands in a series of complex gestures, muttering the ancient words under his breath. His fingernails glowed blue, his eyelids fluttered up and down. Finally, the glows faded, and Dervius opened his eyes.

    The keyhole clicked.

    Dervius grinned. “That wasn’t so-”

    There was an achingly loud, metallic creak. The pair looked up in horror as the entire bulk of the eighteen-metre tall door began to slowly drop down over where they stood.

    Zeckyll looked at Dervius. “Fu-“

    1. Donovan Clark Avatar
      Donovan Clark

      This was fun to read. The Cockney accent was well implemented, and that ending surprised me almost as much as it must have surprised your characters. The comedy really shines through all of this piece, right from the beginning where this massive ornate iron door happens to have a perfectly regular doorknob at waist level. Well done!

  5. Beelzebubble Avatar
    Beelzebubble

    Memoirs of a Brawler
    By Kirk Putnam

    The bell couldn’t have rung soon enough. I am getting destroyed in this fight. All the years I’d spent in the underground fight scene, the magical assault tattoos covering my body, and all the blood I’d spilled for victory could not have prepared me for a chintzy show like ‘So you think you can fight?’

    I thought it’d be a walk in the park. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

    I stare through my swollen eyes at what was once my tooth at the bottom of my spit bucket as the gaudy television show host grabs the mic again.

    “Welcome back from the commercial break. We return to the epic final fight between our contestants, Jimmy ‘the Eldritch Hammer’ Stevens and the Granite Granny, Sister Margaret Franklin!”

    I look up through the haze to the opposing corner to see the warm smile of the 88-year-old nun and ask myself how she can be knitting at a time like this. Then I remember that she is unscathed. Her amulet has reflected every one of my attacks.

    “Our fighters are really giving it their all out there. Hoping to lay claim to the coveted grand prize, the ultra-rare Fantastica doll from our sponsor, Fairy Queen Toys! Let us start the second round and see who will be victorious!”

    I promised my daughter and this is my last hope of getting her that doll. I need to find a way to win. I just know that magic won’t save me now.

    The bell rings. I stumble out of my corner and the old woman toddles toward me at the center of the cage. We bump fists as customary.

    “You’re doing great, sweetheart,” Margaret says to me dripping with a genuine kindness.

    “Thank you, Sister,” I say between swollen lips and loose teeth.

    “Please, call me Margie. Now, put ‘em up, honey,” she says with a giggle. “It’s time for another lesson on the Golden Rule.”

    1. Iosef Paramonov Avatar
      Iosef Paramonov

      That is honestly a very funny story, and I would genuinely love to see a longer, more fleshed out version! Hilarious and original too!

      It’s hard to find anything I found particulary wrong with this story, so forgive me but I’m going to nitpick.

      I think the line “I just know that magic won’t save me now” was a little heavy-handed considering the title of the prompt.

      Apart from that, I loved the story!

      1. Beelzebubble Avatar
        Beelzebubble

        Thank you for your input. Honestly, it was my first attempt and I wasn’t too sure of the format. I totally get that critique and appreciate you taking the time to reply.

  6. A. Brunnert Avatar
    A. Brunnert

    The Shadow of Fire,
    By A. Brunnert

    My parents, by trade, were potion brewers. When they wrote a report detailing just how close they were to creating the ability to grant the ability of magic wielding to non-magic wielders, our home was raided. Our window shattered When my parents went to check what the commotion was, a man shot them with a gun. He entered the house and when I started to scream, he shot me too, crippling me from the waist down. I immediately blacked out. I should have died that night. The only reason I didn’t was because of our magical alert system. Police and medical professionals showed up promptly. Quickly enough to save me, just not my parents. I was immediately taken to a hospital and due to the nature of the situation, my blood had to be drawn. The only reason they didn’t give up on me then was because of what they found. My blood cells contained a remarkable amount of Pyros, organelles found within cells that allow control over the element of fire. In part due to my own promising abilities, and in part due to the scientific advancements of my parents, it was agreed that I was to be given a ring of healing. Rings of healing, as you might imagine, are terribly rare, but it allowed me to walk. I then went on to join a special task group of magic wielders that searched ancient ruins for magical objects. Which brings me to today. I walked up the stairs into the ancient keep. I immediately moved towards a ladder leading down. I lit a fire in my palm to illuminate the room further. But not all the shades receded. One stood still, in the appearance of a humanoid. It moved closer. I flung fire at it. It moved closer. I lit the room ablaze. It moved closer. I tried to run, but couldn’t. It moved closer. And grabbed me. On the arm, just below the elbow. I expected it to be cold, as shadows are. But it was hot, burning hot. The black fingers slid down my arm to my wrist. To my hand. To my fingers, before finally settling on my ring. The ring of healing. The heat intensified. I let out another scream, this one prolonged. The pain only increased, as did the heat. Then the ring melted. All of the trauma I had ever received was suddenly unleashed upon me all at once. My legs collapsed. The bullet wound reopened. My name is Emilia the pyromancer, and I am dead.

  7. Iosef Paramonov Avatar
    Iosef Paramonov

    Zeckyll and Dervius vs. The Door
    Iosef Paramonov

    The door wasn’t big. It was enormous. Eighteen metres of solid iron, black as the day it was forged deep inside Mount B’trunkn. Grim faces of Dwarvish heroes battling hideous monsters patterned its ominous visage.

    And at waist level was a small brass doorknob, with an ordinary keyhole as found in any common household.

    Zeckyll and Dervius stood before the towering structure, their mouths open in awe. Finally, Dervius rolled up his sleeves and began to wave his hands to form a simple opening spell.

    “Derv…” said Zeckyll.

    “Yeah, Zeck?” said Dervius.

    “You sure that’s a good idea?” asked Zeckyll.

    “Well ‘ow else are we supposed to get in? A bloody ‘airpin?”

    “No but…” Zeckyll faltered.

    “Yeah?”

    “Well, you remember the vampire earlier? We tried to conjure a stake to drive frew its ‘eart?”

    “Yeah.”

    “In the end, we ‘ad to knock it out wiv a lump of meat.”

    “It was you who did the spell. S’not my fault you can’t say the words right!”

    “Okay, but you did the spell for invisibility. To get past the three-headed dog.”

    “Well it worked, didnit?”

    “Yeah, but it made our footsteps and breavin’ four times louder.”

    “Well so what? You ‘eard me say the words, they were correct! What’s your point?”

    “This place,” Zeckyll gestured to the cavernous dungeon behind them, “It does somefin’ weird wiv magic. Twists the meaning ov the spell, if you know what I mean.”

    “Come on Zeck, we’re nearly there. Untold riches, moun’ains ov treasure. We can’t give in now.”

    “Yeah, but…” Zeckyll’s voice trailed away.

    “Look, just stand back, will’ya? I’ve got this.”

    Dervius flourished his hands in a series of complex gestures, muttering the ancient words under his breath. His fingernails glowed blue, his eyelids fluttered up and down. Finally, the glows faded, and Dervius opened his eyes.

    The keyhole clicked.

    Dervius grinned. “That wasn’t so-”

    There was an achingly loud, metallic creak. The pair looked up in horror as the entire bulk of the eighteen-metre tall door began to slowly drop down over where they stood.

    Zeckyll looked at Dervius. “Fu-“

  8. A Cruel Kindness
    By Demon Nox

    Brisk air blew through the dense foliage of the Enchanted Forest, perfectly weaving through the gaps in between the branches, brambles, and vines. All culminating in the forest’s center, a giant flower field filled with flowers from across the world. And near the center was a throne made of gnarled tree roots, more grown into place than shaped by hand.

    And who sat upon it but Titania, the queen of the Fey. I continued to bow down before her as I await her response, on whether or not she’ll revive my son. I could hear her humming, deliberating on if my payment would be enough. “Rise dear, it’s time to conclude this meeting.” spoke the queen, I do as I’m told.

    She sat straight, emanating the peaceful and regal presence she had before. Her smile was much the same, but it was sadder somehow? “I apologize dear, but I won’t bring them back.” Said the queen, in the same gentle tone as before.

    “What’s wrong? I believe,” the queen brought a finger to her lips, “my payment was…” my words die in my throat.

    “Dear, the payment is not the issue here. It’s your request, I will not bring any creature back from their next life.” the queen explained, holding the same act as before.

    “That’s bull and you know it! Your the mother of all life in this world! Your the only being that can revive the dead, what possible reason could you have for not doing so?!” I yelled, exasperated, tears collecting at the corners of my eyes.

    “For the same reason I’ve always have, the act of dying to a soul is much like a fire to a piece of parchment. There is no return to what was, now please, dear. Return home, David misses you.” at that the Queen rose from her throne and walked towards me. She knelt down and embraced me, rubbing circles into my back. And before I could ask why she kissed my forehead much like a mother.

    “I…” and like that, I was back in my home, next to my husband.

    1. Iosef Paramonov Avatar
      Iosef Paramonov

      A good moral at the end of the story, although I believe that it was a bit rushed. Also, you could work on your grammar a bit (e.g. it’s “you’re the mother of all…”).

      Apart from that, you use some wonderful descriptive language to convey the scene around the characters. I particularly loved the idea of the throne being grown rather than made. A very sad story that’s literarily well constructed.

  9. He—lp
    Sevau Cilla

    Howls and eerie laughter filled the room. As the man in tattered black raised his sword to it’s highest peak and brought it down in quick succession. Culling the monster infront of him.

    He asked himself, “How long have I been fighting.…?” His face rugged and pained, muscles torn apart. An arm torn from the elbow and a leg mangled by the beasts he just culled.

    He wanted to rest. His sword chipped, broken and dull, armor ridden with holes. Th man took out the watch he kept in his breast pocket, counting the time he has been in this abyss.

    6 days, 28 hours and 63 minutes.

    It has been that long since he got trapped in this god-forsaken place. All hope of rescue lost like the last embers of a fire when the 3rd day passed. Most he use to sustain himself with is the raw gamey meat from the monsters he has killed.

    “It seems like the area is clear. For now.”

    With heavy breaths, locked himself inside the room hoping to get a quick respite in the likelihood that it is his last day. The man mustered all of his strength to drag himself to a corner. “Magic would be really nice right now.”

    He wonders why he kept fighting.

    He wonders for his survival. But washed it away after hearing howls running down the labyrinthine hallways coming closer.
    He knows he won’t. He knows no one will come. Afterall, this is the abyss. A graveyard that knows no gravekeeper.

    As his heavy eyes persist to close from the fatigue and blood loss. He fights the urge, the howls creeping nearer. Resigning to fate he hums the tune of Oh, Heer Fair, Maiden of Yll”uierk.

    As the vestiges of consciousness leaves him bit by bit. He could hear whimpers and growls from the beasts, slight footsteps pitter-patter and orders rang out. He leaks out a smile, flicks a coin out the door. Whispering the words, “Help.” before completely passing out.

    “….. Oi! Some..—one is h$#e! He’s st..l b—hing! Call the su—rt”

    1. This was a really good tale, it gave me some good Darkest Dungeon & Witcher vibes. I think the most effective part of this was the part describing his battle damage, along with the wear an tear on his equipment in my opinion. Id also like to say that the rescuers speech going in an out the way you did it was a great touch, over all I’m curious how he got into the abyss. Also not to be that guy, but you forgot the e in the for the third paragraph.

  10. The Ravens Last Flight.

    In a forgotten forest two animals are locked in a stare match. The adult fox had lustrous red fur and approached the raven slowly, without blinking the scarred eyes that almost lost its sight a long time ago.

    Raven was against a sheer cliff face. Its feather lost its glossy blue-black shine and became dull and gray, and its wing hung limpy and trembling to its side. However its blue eyes are as icy and imperius as the time it fought the fox when it was still young.

    Ubeknowsty to them at top of that cliff another impasse was taking place. A woman in full plate armor, the blood falling on her eyes couldn’t put out her fiery gaze or her heroic beauty. She approached a fallen man that smiled at her.

    At first glance he looked like a middle aged man, but his blue eyes betrayed a weight of time longer than his grizzly hair would give credit. His black robes flickered weakly with magic energy fizzled out of it, he didn’t have enough energy to even stand, but he could still talk.

    “Warrior honor to see a Valkyrie such as yourself.”

    “You are no warrior, a warrior wouldn’t have fled and force to go after”

    “What can I say? I couldn’t let my wings get rusty. Imprisonment would be worse than death to me.”

    These words made her stop her step and close her trembling fists. Emotion escaping her voice.

    “So is that what we are? Wardens? Is that what I’m for you?”

    His easygoing voice was gone, but pain and resignation flared in its place.

    “Your beautiful eye that stolen my heart all theses years ago, pity shouldn’t color then”

    “Why couldn’t you wait? There was hope for a cure yet! But you left us and rushed alone. Why didn’t you take me with you?”

    She was but one step away from him, her eyes filled with tears and blood.

    “I couldn’t save myself, so I saved who I could.” his trembling hand caress her face.

    “You idiot.” she embraced him.

    The raven was gone.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That was a very particular choice route for a story, ans specially a story as short as these flash fiction. There is a lot to be said on showing and not explaining, specially about thematic echoes. But I digress, or else I’ll keep repeating the word specially to the point it will lose all meaning.

      I find it quite interesting how the scene with the fox and the raven is at once an echo and a framing device, at least in my reading. There are two battles – in some sense of the word – going on. A battle of words and arguments, and a battle of stares. And each is mirrored on the other – a good stare could be a killing argument, and some arguments allows one to gaze deep into the other soul. So, maybe there is just two battles of stares and arguments. And there is a lot more implied.

      And I love how much of the story is implied, rather than told. This seem very cinematic in a way – in an art house way, maybe. Sometimes, I felt as if you were on the verge of slipping into purple prose… but though you flirted with it, to my eyes at least you reaped the best poetic and grandiose qualities it can have without really falling into it, which was really something.

      Great story, really interesting read. And, to be frank, I’m not sure my reading of it was all that encompassing. But I’m sure I had a great time and enjoyed the tale a lot. Great job!

      1. A. Brunnert Avatar
        A. Brunnert

        Parallelism, in interesting choice for such a short story. It truly is quite amazing the various types of tricks employed in the writing of these short stories on this post. I suppose my one complaint is a lack of context, but that can hardly be helped with confines such as these.

  11. Aura
    By Kenji

    The look of arrogance in his face was finally gone after he saw me standing without a scratch.

    With a frown he cast another fireball at me, which I ignored again.

    As the spectators giggled at me, the fireball exploded against my arm, stinging a little through my armor, the aura-covered steel slightly charred now, he was getting serious now from the looks of it.

    I unsheath my sword for the first time since the battle started, hesitation and nervousness visible in his eyes, something I took advantage of.

    I smirked, before springing forward with my sword raised, he was startled, and cast a shield followed by a gust of wind that pushed him backwards, just out of reach of my sword.

    Or so he thought…

    I broke the shield with one arm before springing forward again, faster this time and slashed at him, his body barely able to cast an earth wall between my sword and his neck, giving him enough time to duck as my sword sliced through the rock like butter, his battle experience showing with every movement, not that that would matter in the end.

    I kicked at his chest as his balance was lost due to ducking. He tried to cast another shield, however that didn’t save him.

    His body was flung into a wall nearby, bouncing off a corner and falling to the ground, the audible gasps of the spectators almost drowning his pained groans.

    He struggled to get up after this, clearly injured from the kick, and with one arm cast as much attack magic as he could muster.

    Everything from stone spears to ice projectiles flew toward me from all directions, the spectators now running away from the collateral damage the spells caused.

    And then I let my aura show.

    Every spell heading in my direction melted away into pure mana at that moment, the mage finally understanding my position, fell to his knees and looked at me in disbelief, while I sheath my sword once more.

    I slowly walked over to him, crouching in front of him, and smiled.

    1. Pretty good battle scene. The MC really kicked this wizard butt, it was very dynamic and there were a good mix of type of magic in combat.

      I think the only nitpick would be that was very one sided, but I guess that come with the word limit and prompt.

      Well done.

    2. A. Brunnert Avatar
      A. Brunnert

      There were many very powerful descriptions, excellent word choices, and interesting ways of framing the situation. You describe the struggle of both sides nearly perfectly. I especially enjoyed the type of magic used. I suppose the only problem I had with it would be the onesideness of the whole situation. An all around excellent flash fiction.

  12. Magic System Avatar
    Magic System

    Regrets
    The Magic System

    “You know, I don’t think I agree with you on that,” Zakke says, leaning against a railing and ignoring Kate’s glare. He’s fully aware of the drop behind him. “There are a lot of ways magic could save me!”

    “The fuck are you talking about?” Bamon growls. “There isn’t any- oh whatever. Just die, punk.” The grunt pulls the trigger and a bullet slams into Zakke’s chest, throwing him backwards over the railing. It’s nothing like the night where Kate showed him the night sky from so very close; there isn’t any weightlessness as Zake tumbles through the air, any sense of beauty in what lies below him.

    That bullet just really hurt. The wind whips inside Zakke’s head as he falls, wondering if it broke a rib or if it somehow got past his vest, or if—God forbid—the grunt decided to shoot Kate too. That would really suck. Zakke’s entire plan kind of depends solely on it not happening. Zakke winces as he falls, the pressure on his chest sending throbs of pain through it. The vest was supposed to help, dammit.

    It’s right about now that Zakke realizes how close the ground is getting. It was a tall building, sure, but he’s been falling for a while too, and the wind pressure is not making the wound play any nicer. Begrudgingly, Zakke takes a moment to accept that all his debts might just be finally catching up to him. He’s owed too many people for too long, now. It’s been a good life, though. A fun life.
    A few moments away from death, and Zakke realizes he would regret dying here. He hasn’t—

    The world blurs, and his momentum changes direction: still down, but at a much different angle as Kate’s arms wrap protectively around him, keeping him close while she bounces off a wall and lands them safely on the ground where Zakke might otherwise have just been a pile or organs.

    “Zakke,” Kate snarls, her eyes feral with fear, of all things. Zakke didn’t expect that. “Never do that again.”

    1. Pretty good story, I liked how you started by using the prompt as a implied dialogue that the MC is answering.

      As well a good play on the prompt itself as it wasn’t that magic couldn’t save him, but that he was unable because his master plan.

      I got slight confuse when the Bamon name become grunt, I think it could have stayed either all Bamon or all grunt. Just a suggestion.

      And I can’t really see how his implied masterplan worked. As there are few things that actively be shoot and fall from a building could solve. One of them would be to fake his death to avoid the debt he own people, but for that he would probably need to leave at least a fake body or may be all for nothing.

      But theses are nitpicks. You did pretty well good job.

    2. Iosef Paramonov Avatar
      Iosef Paramonov

      That was a pretty intense description of what someone would feel if they thought these were their last moments. Although he survived, Zakke briefly doubted whether his plan would work and if magic would save him in the end.

      The rules say no profanity, so you might want to edit the curse words in the beginning. Also, you should choose whether to refer to the shooter as Bamon or just simply as ‘the grunt’ and stick with that.

  13. Snowball effect
    By Pumpkin

    Things didn’t become this shitshow overnight.

    Trade magicians were screwed first, of course, the ones who sell charms and curses to eager customers.

    There was even a time when people believed it wasn’t ‘that big of a deal’. Sure, you couldn’t hex your ex anymore.

    So what?

    But then the crops started to fail.

    Wonder-drops™ and mega-crops™, magic additives we added to the soil and water to make them grow all year into giants were running out.
    And we can’t make any more.

    Heroes from far and wide ventured out to solve the drought. They visited temples carved from mountains, deep jungles and active volcanoes but no one even knew where to start.
    How do you fix a magic drought?

    The seers couldn’t see anything, bloody useless lot.

    There was not a single prophesy on file.

    It came outta nowhere for no reason.
    And then we were boned.

    The winter that year was the worst.
    No food, no fire magic, we stopped using electricity centuries ago and the infrastructure was so damaged there was no other solution than to start over.

    Beating rocks together begging for a spark.

    Telling the girls mister cuddles ran away so they wouldn’t stop eating the little food we had.

    I count myself lucky we never had to resort to eating people.
    I know many who were less well-off.

    When spring came it was just to give us unearned confidence.
    The only way to get these plants to grow now is using the old ways, farming techniques long obsolete and forgotten.

    The government, for what little power they still had mandated a grow policy.
    Every garden, every park, every bit of bare earth must become a victory garden if we’re to survive next winter.

    It was an uphill battle.

    Still is really.

    But we’re getting better at it.

    The magic school is a greenhouse now. With beans climbing up the walls and courgettes suspended from the ceilings. Mushrooms have taken over the cellars and pumpkins are sprawling their way through the lecture hall.

    It’s slow and frustrating.

    But my daughters are still with me.
    Thankfully.

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      I like the urban fantasy idea, combining the modern world with more fantastical/mystical aspects, and how magic plays with business and markets in a world with modern technology is very intriguing. However, I am not a fan of monologues like this. It feels like you’re telling someone about a cool idea for a setting for a story instead of actually using it. I think this could’ve worked better if it were an actual scene rather than an opening explanation. For example, you could have two business men or sorcerers up in their office arguing with one another about the colossal failure that has occurred and all the problems it’s causing. Lines like “The seers couldn’t see anything, bloody useless lot,” have a good real and personal feel to them and would make for perfect dialogue. You could showcase the setting and describe the visuals of just out their window with all the gardens everywhere and the the more downtrodden people roaming the streets trying to stay warm and find anything they can eat.

      Overall I say good job, and don’t stop writing.

      1. Thank you for the feedback, I’m not one for monologues either generally. This was partly a time, partly an energy issue (ai late at night “oh crap I still need to send something in”) but that doesn’t make your points any less valid ^^.

        I wouldn’t use corporations if I were to rewrite this because that’s too far away from the actual people.
        I’d expand on the parent character I already have, their role in the story right now is tenuous but there could be a lot more there. The scene could open with the main character doing garden work in the obeservatory and then have one of the daughters (who was very young at the time of the crisis) walk in and ask questions in order to get things flowing. I think that’d be better…oh the mister cuddles line would hit even harder if the kid brought up that the doggy ran away.

        Good food for thought ^^

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I love the idea of a magical drought, and it is specially interesting in a society that become so dependent on magic it basically does not rely anymore in any other technique! This is such a great premise – there are echoes of The Day the Earth Stood Still to it, and I just find the idea of the infrastructure that allows for a certain social system to keep going collapsing due to a single failure point amazing. And you did an amazing job in describing the schedule and chronicling of this fall. It was quite interesting to see it unfolding.

      I’m not sure if I get the whole message at the ending. I guess I did, but there might be things that are flowing over the radar, and I get curious with those, hehehehe.

      Fascinating setting, and a very interesting time to deal with in a story. Great tale!

      1. Thank you for the kind words ^^ I tried to make the message at the end something along the lines of “there is hope still” but the ending also got rushed a bit so I could have definitely done a better job at that XD
        It’s definitely more of a “concept piece” rather than an actual story, maybe one day I’ll give the idea another go and flesh out the concept but for now I’m glad you enjoyed ^^

    3. Pretty good take in the prompt. Not to someone specific but all the magical world.
      Poor mr.cuddles, famine is not something I wish on anybody even fictional people, but is nice that ended in a hopeful note.

      The first time I read “make them grow all year into giants were running out.” I thought they are turning plant into some treat giant and got slight confuse but in my 2nd reading I got it.

      Overall pretty good job.

      1. Thank you for the kind words.
        Famine is horrible and mister cuddles deserves a better story to appear in ^^
        Ahahahah I think I may have forgotten a comma or two in that sentence XD, glad you managed to figure it out regardless

  14. There Is No Other Word for a Tear
    By Babs
    (plz don’t judge me I did this one in 5 minutes)

    On my knees. Salt stings my eyes, trickles into my mouth. My throat closes up.

    I’ve never been one to believe in fate. Things don’t happen for a reason.

    Your baby didn’t fall ill because some god was calling her home. The love of your life didn’t leave you just because they weren’t “the one.” Your life didn’t go to hell to teach you some shitty lesson.

    No wonder I’d never had any problems denying the way of things. Curing the sick, healing the wounded, it was all second nature to me now. I’ve become renowned for never letting a patient slip through the stone-cold doors of death. Never have I tasted defeat. Never dreamed of failure.

    Why now?

    On my knees. Salt in my mouth, teardrops fall. Salt, water, and blood mix in my lap.

    No… I try again.

    My hands move like a hurricane, my mind is a spring breeze.

    Over and over again, I work my magic.

    Over and over again, I cast my spells.

    Over and over again, the lifeless body in front of me lay unchanged.

    The battlefield has all but died out around us. I use everything I have left just to heal his wounds. Darkness fills my vision as I slump over onto him.

    All that’s left is me and him.

    I wake with no spells left to try, no tricks up my sleeve.

    On my knees. Raining tears. There’s nothing to do now.

    I pull his body closer.

    “I’m so sorry, brother…”

    The first patient I’d ever given up on…The only patient I’d ever give up on, was the only one I knew.

    The only one I loved, my own flesh and blood.

    I know it now, fate must be real, and a sick bastard he is.

    My remaining companions have found me by now, they come to take me away.
    I try to resist, push back…but it takes everything I’d left myself just to beg…

    Decades later, in that very spot, lies a brother’s body, never to rot.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That was very, very good, Babs. Very emotional, and the action and words conveyed that emotionality very well. The pain, the despair, it drips from the words. And I just loved that beginning, which seemed to me like it would take us in another direction (and although the story went in another direction, the whole idea of things having no ulterior meaning besides the ones we ascribe to them worked really well with the inevitability of death and the futility of trying all against it when all is already done. indeed, no reason for things to be this way, they just are. no magic [explanation] to save one from the randomness of life’s punches, as well).

      And that ending was incredible powerful. There was an effect… a sad one. That was very good.

      1. Thank you so much! Getting positive comments from someone who writes much better than I do feels good lol. I’m glad to see I could get my point across with only a handful of minutes to write.

    2. Norman Gray Avatar
      Norman Gray

      If that was only five minutes of work, then that’s pretty damn impressive. . . Most of us would be lucky to produce something as emotionally investing as this with a full week.

      I love the imagery and poetry of that last line, though I am confused about its meaning. . . I kind of took it as his body being preserved by his brother’s healing magic, his spells strong enough to keep his body intact, but not quite enough to bring him back to life. . . And so his body just remains there for decades. Not sure if that was the intention, but I like the idea and the imagery.

      This probably wasn’t what you were going for, but I totally imagined this being a World War 1 battlefield; the brother opting to become a field medic because he knows healing magic. . . Maybe his abilities are even a secret.

      1. You got the last line right that’s what I wanted the imagery to be. I thought about expanding on it more but then realized I was literally out of time and had to submit it lol. And it wasn’t intended to be World War 1 necessarily but you got the feel for the intent of him becoming a field medic. Thanks for the feedback!

  15. Norman Gray Avatar
    Norman Gray

    One Foot Planted on a Razor Blade
    By Norman Gray
    (warning, contains themes of depression and self-harm.)

    I keep this notebook in my back pocket. . . It contains creative writing and journaling, in equal parts. On bad days, I journal. On good days, when my imagination allows, I create.

    Today, I’m doing both. I’m sitting in my local Café as I write this. They know me by name, here.

    My imagination and depression are my oldest companions. For decades they’ve been battling over my mind, demanding my thoughts and attention; memories of mapping out fantasy worlds at seven years old. Remembering being hit repeatedly at age eight. Learning early on that there was nowhere to run, except for where my mind could take me.

    Like the magic and curses contained within my stories, my imagination and depression are both mysterious to me, and I desperately search to gain some agency over them; each seemingly beyond my understanding or control, acting almost of their own volition, taking me on a rollercoaster ride that never stops.

    I take a seat and flip open my notebook. Wedged between the last page and back cover, there is a disposable razor blade, and as I open my notebook it falls out and clatters onto the floor.

    I quickly, but calmly, plant my right foot on it, then I go about writing as if nothing happened.

    I don’t know if anyone saw it. The possibility kind of thrills me; the potential of being exposed, being dragged out of the darkness.

    I look to my imagination to keep me alive; it brings me some meager sense of accomplishment and self worth, some confirmation that I’m not completely worthless. But deep down I know that this is only escapism, and that ignoring my problems won’t save me.

    But this is all I have, all I really live for. So I continue to write, one foot planted on a razor blade, hoping that the magic of make-believe will break the curse of depression. . . While I’m literally on a razor’s edge.

    I don’t know whether I should laugh, or cry.

    “Hey Norm, how are you?” The Café owner asks.

    “Not too bad,” I lie.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I love this. The image the title conjured to my mind was a completely different thing, but I am very pleasantly surprise with the drama and mundaneity of it all. The drama of being there, with one’s own thoughts and feelings, when those are difficult things to deal with. With one’s writing, when it swings between escapism (necessary escapism, as it usually also is) and ways of expressing what might live inside one. The powers of imagination, and the lack of control over it. The fear of one’s hardships being exposed, and the desire for the exposure to happen.

      That was all very well told, very well conveyed. And well, I guess using your handle for the name points to it being autobiographical is a sense.

      So… dragging the story out of that darkness, in a sense.

      Great tale, really. Very powerful, very emotional. And very relatable. I just loved it!

    2. Purge, Bearer of Wrath Avatar
      Purge, Bearer of Wrath

      This is very nicely told. There is a thing you sometimes hear: if something that you are writing starts to make you feel uncomfortable – that can often be a sign you are doing good writing. This piece can’t have been easy to write and post. But the matter-of-fact style, the way you avoid sentimentality and self-pity, the flow of it, and that neat ending that closes, but still leaves us wanting to know more… these create a tension and a sense of connection. Not easy to do, I reckon.

      Well done!

    3. This story has a sharp edge to it, the way the main character explains the depression sounds almost apathetically to me.
      When the razor blade fell out I felt this was heading to a very sad conclusion and par of me wanted to just stop reading so I wouldn’t have to witness it. I kept reading though and I’m glad I did. The pun made me chuckle actually which helped release some of the tension for me.
      The premise of journalling on the bad days fiction on the good days was what drew me in about this story and I think it’s well executed.
      Keep up the good work ^^

  16. More Than It Seems
    By Contract

    After days of walking, Douglas finally came across a small village.

    It looks like a nice place to live. Twenty-five wooden houses were built next to a small lake, with a large forest offering its shadow to the inhabitants just behind.

    Only one of the houses was sticking out of the rest. It looked much fancier than the others.

    “Probably the chief “, thought Douglas.

    As he was going to ask the chief for hospitality, he saw a man in blue clothing shouting at an old man.

    He decided to see what was so important to disrupt the peace and quiet of this beautiful landscape.

    Before he could say a world, the man in blue spoke to him :

    “You are the stranger, aren’t you ? Just go away. I don’t have time for you.”

    Douglas wanted to protest when the rude individual pulled a knife and started to threaten the old man with it.

    “What are you doing !? Stop this now !”, shouted Douglas

    “What do we have now ? Some kind of hero ? What are you gonna do ?”

    Douglas revealed his scepter. The man was unphased.

    “Magic ? Is that supposed to scare me ?”

    He turned back and started to punch the old man.

    Douglas let a small fireball out of his scepter. It missed the man but touched a nearby tree.

    “Not even able to aim ?”

    Douglas tried again three times. Nothing touched his target.

    Finally, he went for something that couldn’t miss. He gathered rain clouds to strike with lightning.

    “Stop.” simply said the man.

    Douglas stopped moving, and dropped his scepter, against his will.

    The man in blue approached him, slowly. He started by punching him in the face before pulling out his knife once again.

    Douglas couldn’t move at all.

    “Magic. Something impressive. For spectacle, I mean. You possess a rare power. You think you are superior. But simple mind manipulation and you are useless. Well, time to start the vivisection, don’t you think ?”

    1. Sniperaxiom Avatar
      Sniperaxiom

      Ah now I feel sorry for Douglas. Unfortunate that our main character seems to have gotten punished for trying to do good but, isn’t that just the way life works out?

      The story felt longer while reading it which I really liked.

      As for how the story relates to the prompt it was well done. Simply that Douglas will not be able to use his magic and easily defeat the antagonist. Anyways it was a nice read and good job :D!

    2. Oh pretty good, now is the hero that his magic can’t save him.

      I the imply meaning that maybe there is more to this story, as such powerful person wouldn’t just be stealing alone and the MC intervenied without knowing what he got himself into.

      Pretty good story and one with a chilling end. Nicely done.

    3. Beelzebubble Avatar
      Beelzebubble

      I love the idea of mentalism beating out attack magic, and the concept of different varieties of spells being beat out by someone who specialized. I’m drawn in to find out more about what the man in blue was yelling about and maybe what brought him to the town. This poor wizard just seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time but it may have spared the old man to have a different subject on which to focus the torment.

  17. Falling
    By Taja DaLeen

    I am falling. Deeper, and deeper.

    And nothing can save me.

    I am watching you, like I do a lot, lately. There is not much left to do for me. I do not have any other choice.

    You are praying, again. Praying for a miracle, an angel to save you. And your belief is strong; strong enough that your prayer called upon me.

    I am no angel though, I am one of the Valkyrya. But would you even know the difference? You do not know about the Other World. And even more, would you care?

    Still, I do not dare approach you. It is forbidden for us to mingle with nonmagicals, even though I want to.

    Oh, how I want to.

    For you are the first being to make me feel like this. To make me fall.

    Now you start singing. It is an odd habit you have, to just break into song during your prayers, but so endearing to me.

    You would think me an angel, if you saw me, but your voice… it makes you the angelic one. And it makes me believe there is a heaven.

    And it is right here, with you.

    All those countless times I have watched you by now… they make me wonder. Maybe I should just not care about the rules. They do not care about me, after all.

    Maybe I should fall for real, like a few of those angels you believe in did.

    But…

    Oh Asmodis, I do not know what to do. I am falling, deeper and deeper, and not even all of your magic can save me.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I really like the parallelisms the Valkyrie makes between the praying one, her, and the idea of angels. There is a kind of sad poetry tone in it that is really fitting, and it really sells her feelings on the matter.

      And there’s the whole bit about a fervour being so strong it is answered… although not by what one’s expect. This is an amazing thought, specially considering that in this situation the Valkyrie could be mistaken for an angel. Just the implications of how does this works and what could have been are amazing to ponder off (and considering where the story goes, I love that we are just left with a taste of this wondering, since the main focus in on her fall).

      I love how conflicted the Valkyrie seems here, and how it seems almost like a dirge sang to who she was – since it paints it very well that she is desiring to fall, even though that is not a decision she would like to make, it is already made. The only thing that does not gets me the same way is exactly the last lines. I am a bit ambivalent on the prompt drop, and so far the whole inner monologue had been about what is ruled and proper for her to be… and this last lines and the prompt drop seem to focus on what the powers above her could Do, more than Rule, about the issue. Not a problem, but I felt a bit like a change in mood and theme that hadn’t all the time it needed to be explored.

      Yet, this was me searching for the minimal thing to critique. I loved the story, and I felt it sells the conflict and the longing for the fall incredibly well.

    2. oh ho, not even magic rules can stop interspecie love. Pretty good.

      For a moment I thought the story was about some god suffering some kind of punishment and being unable to save itself or their followers. But is a interesting twist.

      However because the use of “Valkrya” are often associated with taking “worth warriors” after their death, I can only guess that this loved one is some kind of warrior. I don’t know if that was the vision you wanted to give.

      But is nice to see her “falling in love”.

  18. Do We Keep the Carpet?
    by Lunabear (CW: vomit)

    “Samantha Lilliana, you get back here and let me finish washing your hair!”

    Atop the counter, Sam hurriedly stuffed another cookie into her mouth, her hair dripping shampoo on the surface. “Hmmph mmm!” She was across the room much faster than her father could keep up.

    “And stop eating the cookies! You’ll spoil your dinner!”

    Jacoby used a dry towel to clean up the lather trail. He covered the dessert.

    A line of chocolate crumbs zigzagged from the kitchen through the carpet near the bookcase. He heard Sam’s giggles somewhere down the hall.

    Jacoby huffed angrily and quickly vacuumed up the mess. After returning the bulky machine, he checked the food. Meanwhile, his ears tracked her pattering heartbeat from the bathroom to her bedroom.

    Rustling.

    Shuffling.

    A tiny sneeze.

    Suddenly, there was an enormous crash, like cymbals bashing together, and Jacoby’s heart galloped. He turned the fire low and raced through the house.

    “Princess?” He snatched her bedroom door open. A loud, piano lullaby tortured his hearing, as it was badly off key. He protected his ears but kept his eyes open.

    Sam squeezed through his legs, levitating a glowing turquoise orb that emitted the music.

    Jacoby gave chase again, Sam outpacing him. “No musical magic in the house after 8!”

    He lost sight of her near the dining room, and all was abruptly quiet.

    Jacoby’s ears strained against faint ringing and the overall silence. He circled through the house, his lupine sight alert. Soap was everywhere. He’d clean it up later.

    Back in the kitchen, he sensed that she was close.

    His hackles raised. Pivoting, he spied Sam just before she snagged another treat.

    “Aha!” His arms locked around her, and he hauled her back to the bathroom.

    Sam kicked and squirmed and squealed, but her hair was washed in the end.

    After dinner, all was clean. Peaceful. Jacoby sat snugly, reading.

    A door creaked open, and Sam emerged, holding her gurgling stomach. “Daddy, I don’t feel so good.”

    “Hmm. I wonder why.” He grinned.

    Jacoby’s teasing became terror, however, when Sam doubled over and retched on the carpet.

    1. This is such a cute story, Luna. I love the interactions between Sam and her father, as Sam raises pure chaos in an attempt to keep her hair from getting washed. She’s such a fun character to watch. There’s a ton that I already mentioned to you when I was helping you with the story before you put it up, but I still wanted to leave a comment about how much fun this was.
      Poor Sam. Maybe next time you’ll know not to eat all those cookies before dinner.

  19. The Hunter Clan
    By MasaCur

    Otsu crept through the bamboo forest, hunting for her lost friends. Her ears twitched at every sound that passed through the stalks of bamboo, her hand fiercely gripping the shaft of her shakujo staff.

    The tracks ahead of her showed a story of a struggle. A body had slumped to the ground, leaving a clear indication, and beside it, a scrap of red ribbon that Mishonji wore in her hair. She was on the right track.

    A flash from the corner of Otsu’s eye caught her attention, followed by the crack of a gunshot as a bullet struck a nearby bamboo stalk. A spell quickly came to Otsu’s mind, then her lips and hands. Two more gunshots, but the lead balls stopped just inches from Otsu’s outstretched fingers.

    Otsu was being hunted. She knew that now.

    Two riflemen rushed Otsu from the depths of the bamboo forest, bayonets attached to the muzzles of their muskets. She blocked the first thrust with her staff, using the momentum to hit the second one in the chest with the follow through. The impact knocked him back on his feet, and she reversed the momentum, thrusting the base of her staff into the first attacker’s leg, causing him to drop to a knee.

    Where was the third rifleman?

    A light sting hit Otsu in the chest. She looked down at the small iron dart protruding from her, too small and too slow to be stopped by her spell. The third rifleman charged in, musket in one hand, a blowpipe in the other. Otsu tried to raise her staff in defense, but it felt heavy in her hands. Poison. She quickly swept through her memory for the spell to counteract it, but her thoughts were sluggish.

    The staff slipped from her hand. She crumpled to the ground, feeling like she was getting smaller.

    Ryojin Kashiwagi looked down at Otsu, as the cat girl with two tails slipped out of her glamor. “Tie her up, blindfold and gag her. I’m sure my mother will be pleased to examine this one.”

    1. I think the action/fight scene here is written well. It is easy to get a sense of space and momentum with the hand to hand combat which is very difficult to do.

      One thing I would go back and revise is the initial scene setting you do in the first couple of paragraphs. It feels a bit passive compared to the rest of the piece where we are directing experiencing Otsu’s perspective.

      A more minor thing is the first sentence of the last paragraph could be condensed to something like “the silhouette of a two tailed cat girl loomed over Otsu.” We as the readers don’t know the significance of the name Ryojin Kashiwagi at this point.

      Also, I’m not sure if this is what you were going for, but a magic system where the magic user’s ability is dependent on how well they organize their magical knowledge could be super interesting. Like they sort of keep a mental file cabinet of spells and their ability to use them is dependent on how fast they can sift through the files. The better organized their mind, the quicker they can cast. Trauma and their ability to deal with it could scramble their mind and effect their ability to effectively use magic. In this story, the stress of losing their friends could be affecting Otsu’s mental clarity, slowing their casting speed.

  20. Adrift
    By Quobodo

    Hannu stood on the bow of the ship which rocked with the consistent ebb of the waves beneath. Wind buffeted against the back of his leather cloak. The wind was picking up, accumulating water as it drew toward the Link.

    “A bit nervous are we?” An gray bearded old man slapped Hannu on the back, his leather cloak salt stained and worn with faded patches.

    Hannu jumped, surprised. “Master John, you startled me.” He placed his hands on the deck railing and leaned forward. He was nervous. This was his first real contract.

    “Bah, you got nothing to worry about.” The old man rested a reassuring hand on Hannu’s shoulder. “Just gimme the nod if you need help.”

    Hannu gazed forward. He could see the mists rising ahead. They formed the Link, a broad cone of sea water suspended between the Parallel Seas being pulled back and forth by the immense gravity of each Ring World as they spun around each other, interlocked like chain.

    “Almost there. Steel yourself.” John pulled down his circular metal goggles.

    Hannu did the same and turned to face the their clients with his master.

    “Alright people,” John clapped his gloved hands and tried his best to throw his voice. The winds roared already and it would not be long before they deafened, “we’re coming up on the Link. Strap in, sit down, and shut up. We won’t hear your screams either way.”

    Hannu felt the pull of the upper Ring. He stabilized himself by sending short burst gravity waves through his feet, weighing down his boot soles. John’s tandem rhythmic pulses echoed against his own. The ship jolted as the Link lifted the bow, knocking some crew backward. Hannu leveled the stern with a large gravity wave.

    John nodded in approval and pointed up. The turn was coming. Almost time to heave.

    Then a bang. Hannu jerked his head. Splinters of the ship’s hull scattered in the mist behind him. Where was John? Hannu couldn’t feel his gravitational imprint.

    “JOHN!” Hannu’s screams were muffled in the wind.

    A man’s shadow tumbled through the mist.

  21. Calliope Rannis Avatar
    Calliope Rannis

    The Witch That Stole Her Heart (Nyx’s Story)
    By Calliope Rannis

    So, I may have made the mistake of picking a direct fight with a witch. She hadn’t looked that tough – I figured a couple of good strikes with my rapier could have brought her down…

    …but I hadn’t been prepared for a single spell of hers to instantly paralyse my body.

    Now, all I could do was watch. Watch as this ragged woman steps closer and closer, until she’s right in front of my face.

    “Foolish girl. Did you really think your small share of your master’s magic would ever be enough to contend with us?” She tittered in delight. “You really are an abomination, little girl. But one we can certainly make use of.”

    With that, her hand warped into a long-nailed claw, and punched into my chest with surprising force. I gave a strangled gasp.

    “A heart both living and undead…oh, so much potential for our rituals!” Her claw twists agonisingly inside me as it burrows further within. “What were you to him? An assassin? Such a waste.”

    She peered into my twitching eyes and smiled, almost reassuringly. “But with us, the magic inside you will finally be able to reach its full potential.” Her nails dug deeper, and I wanted to scream. “Really, you should be proud. It’s almost a shame that you won’t live to see-ack!”

    Before my eyes, the witch’s body greyed, shrivelled and withered, and then collapsed entirely…and as the paralysing magic abruptly released its grip, I ended up falling right on top.

    “Well, that was easy.” A sweeter, almost sing-song voice. “Just as my mothers say: ‘A mortal’s magic matters not – if their body be weak, then the Blight shall rot!’”

    I forced my head upwards to find the source, and set my eyes on one of the strangest-looking people I had ever seen.

    She stared back, slightly startled. “Oh! You’re alive.” She stepped forwards cautiously. “Are you a friend, my dear?”

    I glanced at the unrecognisable pile of dusty bones underneath me. I didn’t need much convincing.

    “Uh, yeah! Yeah, I’m a friend! A friend sounds good right about now!”

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      With the word limit it makes sense that the beginning may turn out like a short burp to set everything up so the length can accommodate. I wish it could’ve been a little longer to set everything up with more detail but considering the word limit and everything written after I can look past it. Overall I thought the story was well written and well paced, with a good balance of description, action, and dialogue that ran very smoothly and was easy to visualize. My only main critique here is that I have no clue why the witch disintegrated. Maybe it had to do with Nyx’s powers (which is what I think is implied), maybe it was something else, I’m not sure. Overall though, great job!

    2. Well, that was unexpectedly gory.

      Nyx is lucky she’s a dhampire because I’m pretty sure that would have killed a normal mortal. Maybe not if it was just the fingers that penetrated and there was no damage to the heart.

      I find it interesting that it was infact Magic that saved Nyx. While also refering to the witches “power level” not being able resist the spell because her body was too old and frail.

      Impressive it happened so fast.

      Her name escapes me at the moment, but this is Nyx’ s future girlfriend, yes?

    3. I really wish it could’ve been more longer,

      The dialoguing is perfectly used for tension considering the the word count limit.

      Could have used a bit more exposition but limits are limits

      I don’t may have no clue whoever the character might be but the flow has enough enounce to it that readers may (?) have gotten an idea on a slight back story.

      Outstanding work! I’d love to read more on this universe if I can get a chance.

    4. Alot of magic in this story and clearly most of them aren’t able to save their users.
      For a moment I thought was some hidden powers of the heart that saved her and explain why “she couldn’t achieve her full potential” as she clearly hadn’t be able to tap on all the power she has.

      If anything I have to nitpick, the “lucky” of her situation to be alittle too convenient, And the fact she clearly can feel pain but she is able to talk so soothly after almost have her heart ripped out. But maybe that is explained later or was just another casuality of the word limit.

      But overall is a great story, good job.

    5. I agree with this punchline. A friend sounds VERY good for your protagonist right now. You don’t want to be enemies with those folks.

      Be friendly. Be very,very friendly.

      ~~and then run like blue blazes for anything that passes for safety~~

  22. Samuel Gallew Avatar
    Samuel Gallew

    *Note: I will not be able to attend the stream T_T
    Never bring a Gun to a Magic Fight
    by Samuel Gallew

    It had been a long journey, mostly filled with menial setbacks that were quickly handled by a small little trick, or a silly display that was fun in the moment, but not really something Jake would ever be proud of.

    His fuzzy companion in this strange fantasy world was Vasha, a scholar who apparently knew the most about the journey they were taking, though they were more useful as a guide, having given directions and knowing the right kinds of magic for each situation.

    They had entered into the Lich’s dungeon and already, Jake’s experience with adventure movies and TTRPGs from his homeworld were paying off. That, and the ballistic vest he wore was surprisingly effective against everything short of a .92 calliber round.

    “So about this Lich we’re hunting,” Jake asked as he tested the trigger for an obvious saw trap. “Do we just have to destroy the vessel his soul is stashed away in?”

    Vasha turned with an odd look. “Firstly, why would I know anything about becoming a lich? That’s forbidden knowledge. And second, how or even why would you know anything about it? You don’t even have magic!”

    Jake rolled beneath the trap, and disarmed it with the lever on the other side. “I’m just drawing parallels to some fiction I’ve seen. You want to show this guy what happens when you try to cheat death?”

    Vasha formed a few gestures as he spoke. “Best not to wait. However, I don’t think your ‘pistol’ will work against this.”

    “Of course not!” Jake began to assemble the rifle he had, and loaded a few of the special rounds. “Just make sure you cover your ears.”

    Vasha obeyed as the door slid open with a glow, and a low, rumbling sound revealing a lich sitting on a throne of bones.

    Jake aimed right for the amulet around the skeletal figure’s neck and fired right through an arcane shield, shattering the amulet as the lich screamed and turned to ash.

    He smiled in triumph. “And my DM always said: ‘never bring a gun to a spell fight.’”

    1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Oh my gosh, I love this so much!! I love me a good isekai, but this really takes things to another level. Using knowledge from fiction in our world to beat a real magical threat in a way magic can’t…chef’s kiss. Especially because that idea of bringing a gun to a spell fight is something I’ve heard discussed before, but never really implemented in a story. I love to see it!!

      “However, I don’t think your ‘pistol’ will work against this.”
      “Of course not!” Jake began to assemble the rifle he had”
      –I don’t usually laugh out loud at tale foundry stories, but this makes me genuinely start laughing!! Fantastic!!

      I wanted to ask you something. You have a note at the beginning saying you won’t be able to attend the stream, are you requesting that your story not be read on the stream, or simply informing us? I really love your story, and would be delighted to read it on stream if it gets picked. But if you don’t want it to be read, I will of course respect your wishes.

      For future reference

      Never bring a Gun to a Magic Fight (Please don’t read on stream)
      by Samuel Gallew

      Would be how you properly note that you don’t want to be read!

      Thank you so much for submitting, this is a fantastic debut!!

      1. Samuel Gallew Avatar
        Samuel Gallew

        Ah. I was simply pointing out that I wouldn’t be able to attend the stream, I didn’t realize that author notes weren’t allowed at the time, and shall refrain in the future. One of the woes of being new in a group!

        But about that scene, I try to make comedy naturally rise out of the situation. Keeps the pacing nice and smooth while also giving readers a bit of relief from a lot of tension.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This was very funny, and I love how menial the challenges are once one is differently equipped is have the right sort of knowledge to deal with them. It works great for the scene… though I wonder (not as a critique, just as a fun exercise) how luck would change once the bullets end.

      Anyway, it was a great story, the humour is excelent, and it is a great subversion of what I was expecting for the prompt. The last line also can be read in at least two very different, yet equally funny ways: either the DM is asserting the superiority of spells, or he is advocating on ways not to break the game (and we all have been there, with that guy who wanted something that would be awesome, but completely destroy the tone of the game, haven’t we?)… So, yeah, I really can understand it. Great little tale!

    3. This one was a lot of fun to read. I don’t even play TTRPGs myself (only MMORPGs), only know some bits and pieces from friends who are into that stuff, but it’s still cool to think that having played those and watched some movies might indeed help you at some point.
      And that last line fit perfectly.

      Just a tiny bit of a nitpick: in the second to last paragraph there is a repeating of the word “right”, which makes it sound a little clunky. I might’ve exchanged the second one with “straight” or something similar.

      Still, really good story, I enjoyed it greatly. Thank you for sharing!

    4. I really like when an isekai protagonist use knowledge from his home world. That shows he has past and knows how to use it. I also agree that a gun would be a superweapon in most magical setting. That’s seems like a fun concept for a whole story, hope you will continue to develop on that aspect. Definitely a good spin on the premise.

      1. Samuel Gallew Avatar
        Samuel Gallew

        It was actually inspired by a reddit story I’ve been reading where that exact thing happened. Just a somewhat different story.

    5. Ohhh, A transmigration story! I love these. The application of advanced scientific knowledge on a fantasy world.

      After all, A sufficiently advanced scientific technology is indistinguishable logic.

      The fact that he asked what should be a forbidden piece of knowledge is just an face palm moment for me when it should have been known to him from his experience with TTRPG that the Ritual of Becoming is of the Evil Alignment.

      A great story overall! Guns and fantasy not exactly uncommon but verily entertaining

      1. Samuel Gallew Avatar
        Samuel Gallew

        I’m glad you enjoyed it! One thing I will point out about the question: “Do we just need to destroy the vessel his soul resides in?” is that he later mentions he was just drawing parallels to his experience with fiction from his world.

        One of the things Jake recognized in that scene is that while two things may be similar, that doesn’t mean they work exactly the same. Better to cover your bases and ask, than learning the hard way.

  23. VulpesRose Avatar
    VulpesRose

    Impending Arrival
    by VulpesRose

    Agatha had done the reading three times, to be sure. She’d changed the question slightly, making sure that the verbiage was as accurate as possible, to alleviate the normal misunderstandings that came with peering into the unknown. But there was no change in the outcome. The meaning was as clear as it was vexatious.

    She ran through the rituals she could pull together in such a short time. A standard blessing was possible, although she wouldn’t have a full moon for maximum potency. She was out of fresh rosemary for summoning good fortune and she wasn’t sure she could get enough people together for a greater banishing of evil (it was a three day weekend after all, and her friends were likely to say she was overreacting).

    Fleeing crossed her mind, but there were too many spies close to home who would notice her sudden flight and report her odd behavior. She had no definitive evidence, but she had long suspected that her movements were already being tracked. There were just too many “coincidences” and “chance encounters” for her liking. So there was really no sense in running (plus she’d promised to help Hazel’s daughter with her potions, and it simply would not do to shirk her commitments to her friends).

    In the end, she straightened her shrine and put out a fresh offering, muttering prayers to the gods to give her the strength and wisdom to see this challenge through. But the gods she prayed to were the gods of her rival as well. They were likely to remain neutral in this encounter, assuming they wouldn’t be outright against her; her adversary’s shrine was always immaculate (a fact she had been reminded of many, many times).

    Despite her lifelong well of knowledge, there were no tricks that could safeguard her, nothing to prevent the inevitable. Even though she knew it was coming, the sharp knock at the door startled Agatha out of her musings. She took a deep breath, put a smile on her face like armor, and opened the door.

    Her mother had arrived for an unannounced visit.

    1. Samuel Gallew Avatar
      Samuel Gallew

      I really like how you developed the ritual as this massive thing that would normally take a lot of work to do properly, but had to be rushed. Also, there’s nothing you can do to prepare for a “surprise visit” from relatives, or family members you don’t like.

      I think you did a good job here!

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This was amazing, Vulpes. I love how each bit of the drama is constructed and how it all build up to this catastrophic thing… and then it is a catastrophic thing of the familial kind, the all too common and difficult to navigate around perils of having to deal with a relative that seems to measure one by an unfair measure. And the scenery, the ideas on how to deal with it (magically or otherwise), the tension and finally the acceptance… it was really well made. That was a very, very fun read, and a great take on the prompt. I love these dramas of everyday life, and imbuing it with the magical elements make it both more mundane and more magical at the same time.

      Great story. That was a delight to read.

    3. I really like how your story is a big build up for a coming event instead of an action scene. Most people choose the latter option and that makes your story stand out more. That also contributes to give a sense of intensity and urgence. And the ending is really ominous. Good job !

    4. haha that was a great twist at the end. There is indeed very few magic that can help deal with a overbearing parent.

      I like how you both showed the danger of the situation but also pointed that things are said to not be exactle right, specially the part you said that “her friends would think that she is overreacting” as well the fact despite the dangers didn’t do a too drastic action like leaving her commmitments behind.

      All in all I would like to hear more of this story and character. Good job.

  24. What I Wish I Said

    By Joe

    I recieved my order from the carrier, and took it inside. I placed the cheap casing on the coffee table in my living room and sat on my couch to unwrap the product. Inside was a was a soft gel capsule that glowed an eerie red, but it didn’t unsettle me. I knew what this was. It was an infamous product in underground magic that shows the user their last regret before it kills them painlessly called Amendment.

    I ingested it immediately, and laid back.

    My mind immediately went into a controlled REM state, where I had full cooperation with my dream. What came before me was everything I had hoped. A girl who never reached her seventh birthday sat next to me, whimpering and holding me like she was lost for too long.

    “Why’re you crying, kiddo,” I said softly.

    “The kids at school bullied me again,” she teared up.

    “Is it about that again?”

    She didn’t answer.

    “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

    She threw her head up. “THEY MADE FUN OF THE WAY I TALKED!” She cried and then buried her face into my shirt. “I was t-trying to talk, and I lost my w-w-words. Then it was because I didn’t get a joke. Then it was because I was too quiet. Every thing I do! They just…” She squeezed my shirt tightly.

    This was where I messed up. I wasn’t going to do it again.

    “Lily,” I said gently this time. I held in my guilt as I pushed her off to look at me. “What you have isn’t a disability. It’s a different way of looking at things. And because of that you were able to do the more difficult tasks better than the easier ones. That’s not something to ever be ashamed of.” I held Lily close. “It’s not your fault they don’t know how to be patient with you.” I held her tighter and shed a tear. “And I’m sorry I didn’t know how to either.”

    Her muffled whimpers became loud cries. This time those cries weren’t alone.

    But I still was.

    1. Samuel Gallew Avatar
      Samuel Gallew

      Wow! That’s powerful! This makes me wonder what happened to the little girl, but also wonder if Amendment does what its name says, and allows you to amend that regret before passing in peace, in which case, I might expect that to be a celebrated euthanasia for anyone who doesn’t want to die because of emotional baggage they still hold.

      I can see this being used to kill the hero after they suffer grievous wounds in battle, and then giving them a final resolution as the world moves on without them.

      1. Suicide. And, yes, the Magic Drug gives the user the illusion of making expiations before death. Atonement probably would’ve been a better name, but oh well. It provides an illusion of comfort with death without having to die with regret. But the regret remains anyway, because even magic can’t save you from what really happened. So now it acts more like your not dying alone.

        If I were to expand on the concept, I’d say that’s why the magic drug is illegal, because of the false sense it gives before killing the user.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Oh, I love it. The emotionallity of it, the gut-wrenching pain… and the magic used to deal with the more difficult things to deal there is: our pasts, the way we feel about our mistakes… I just love it. And the whole thing about it being a suicide pill that allows for a moment of contemplation or of coping with a wound from the past…. that has a lot of potential.

      Really, can’t say much about it, except that I love it. I love how the whole thing was created, I love how much weight it has and how it can convey it with so few words, I love how it deals with a lot of difficult themes, and still comes out as beautiful. Great tale, really powerful.

    3. Sounds like Lily has some strong ASD comorbs. I sympathise entirely. Her childhood is my childhood too. I learned that there were some people who could just never be happy with whatever I did and just dismissed their opinion.

      …then they backed up their opinions with physical violence and I got the blame. The 70’s and 80’s were definitely a time. I digress.

      Your perspective character has made a step forward in admitting that they don’t know how to deal with everything. That’s important. Talking through what’s great and what’s not great. Learning together is just as important as comfort and help.

      I wonder if your perspective character has access to some books on the topic? They can help too.

  25. Thunder Avatar
    Thunder

    The End of an Era
    by Thunder

    A king came alone to a clearing. Surrounding a single rock was a council of those most ancient trees, gnarled and bent from the weight of years. Steeling himself, the king sat upon the lone rock, looking up at the oldest of the trees.

    A voice, old a tired, emanated from it. “You look terrible.”

    “As if I didn’t know,” the king sighed, rubbing the bags under his eyes.

    “What happened?”

    The king’s anger flared up. “You could say it began when I discovered my wife is allegedly having an affair with my best friend. My fool of a nephew urged me to action, and-”

    “And you gave into your anger and sentenced her to death.”

    “As follows the law.”

    “You make the laws.”

    The King bit back a pointless retort, just sighing as he looked to the ground. “Of course it didn’t end there.”

    “Of course not. He would never allow that to happen. I take it the fellowship has been sundered.”

    “Irrevocably.” Tears filled the king’s eyes. “And all for nothing. We fought, many died, and it was all a ruse to take the throne. We- I and whatever pitiful fools still follow me- go to end things soon but… what is the point? Everything is ruined, the kingdom, the fellowship, everything we built. Too much blood has been spilled, and even you could never raise the dead.”

    “Not in any decent way,” the tree agreed.

    The king looked up at it, tears flowing freely. “What can I do?”

    The tree seemed to sigh. “I do not know. Our dream is dead and will not live again in our lifetime.”

    “But you-!”

    “Look at me! For all my magic, I enabled my own end and transformation. What use is my wisdom?”

    The king stared up at his last hope, and finally stood, hand on his sword.

    “What will you do?” the tree asked despite itself.

    “I don’t know. Ride out, confront my enemy, salvage what’s left. The dream is dead, but I will not allow it to simply fade.”

    “Fare thee well,” the tree whispered forebodingly as he left.

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      To me this feels like when kid is finally all grown up, and they decided to seek their parent’s wisdom once more, only for the parent to simply say, “you’re the adult now, it’s up to you.” For lack of better terms, this is a very hard-hitting scene. The is very written. You did a fantastic job.

    2. Tragic tale indeed. The king need to live with the consequence of his actions and from the sound this trees also had some dream tied to it.

      It a story with alot of backstory told concisely, very interesting.
      Good job.

  26. The Missing Link Avatar
    The Missing Link

    As the Fairy Flies
    By: The Missing Link

    “Are you there?” A young voice crackled across the crystal. Xander was glad they hadn’t taken that from him. They’d surely have found it if they searched more thoroughly, for all the good it did him trying to escape. At the very least, it had made him a friend… companion.

    “Yeah, I’m still here. Is something wrong?”

    Xander could hear her choking up, “Have you ever thought of how wonderful it would be, to be a fairy?”

    “Fairies?” He’d heard stories of them, fanciful tales for children.

    “It’s their wings. They can go where they want, see what they want. They’re free.”

    Her words cut. Freedom, he’d given up on that long ago. How could he even tell her, who he was, what he was. He didn’t even know her name.

    “Even the fairies have rules, don’t they? Surely…”

    “I’m to be married,” she interrupted, panic filling her voice, “Father told me just this morning, Duke Thryll.” Thryll? Surely not. The old lecher was easily twice her age.

    “And you don’t want to?” Xander guessed.

    “It’s for the family, right? I should be happy, right?”

    “No. Birds don’t take well to cages, I’ve found.”

    “What do I do? My skin is crawling thinking about it, his wrinkled hands, his smile. I can’t take it.”

    “I’m sorry. Fairies won’t save you.”

    “Then what?” He could hear her tears dripping on her crystal.

    “You have to think about what you can do yourself, fight back.”

    “I can’t…”

    He wanted to shout, but talking any louder might alert the guards. If his suspicions were right… “The fairies can’t save you, but maybe you can do it. This might be the last time we’re able to talk, princess.”

    “How did you?”

    “Run away. Leave this place behind and never look back. There’s a passage out of town behind the bookshelf in the Queen’s old room.”

    “Who are you?”

    “Nobody really, but if it helps, a fairy.”

    1. Bet this princess goes and rescues HIM, after a nice hero’s journey to power up and do so of course.

      I would like to see something of the ilk, to be honest.

    2. Very nice, the story about someone that can’t rely in “fairy tales” magic, pun intended.

      I really liked the imagery that the MC took the name of fairy in the end despite him having little freedom himself. And who knows if he is in prison and going to be killed he might get a type of freedom.

      I also find interesting that endup painting a interesting picture as he say her that she should escape while his own attempt at escape did him little good.

      Good job, interesting story.

  27. Summit the Dragon Avatar
    Summit the Dragon

    Magic is No More
    by: Summit the Dragon

    Working with what he knew, he took the piece of wood and carved it. Carved it into a dragon. He then did it again. But this time, a cat.
    Thomas knew that the animals talked. The others of his world believed magic was only for children, or that it will only lead to destruction. Many more come to mind. The most prevalent was that it just wasn’t practical.

    As far as adults, and even most of his friends, thought Thomas crazy. For the dragon, whose name was Echo, was shy, and never wanted to be seen. Ever since her friend, the cat, was thrown into the oven, as fuel. Thomas had to decide who he loved more. Either way, magic would die, and so would his soul.

    “Magic is only a thing that is there”, he said to himself, “does it feel? Is it similar to an entity? Or an entity itself?” All these questions. Some unanswerable, without belief.

    Thomas saw the magic in the eyes of Echo, his friend. Who tried to comfort him most all the time when he was upset. Echo was too a wise-ish one. Though she socialized with others sparingly, she had knowledge. “If knowledge is power, and magic is nonsense. What does that make me? Unreal? Blind to reality? Or is magic, belief, just a thing that can save us, yet we neglect that help, and cater to our own pride.”

    When Thomas had heard this, he felt affirmed in his belief. But most of the others are hopeless to convince, and will deny what has been said. It saddened him. It saddened him so, that, if other do not want magic, and only want knowledge from science. Should he even try to convince.

    Thomas asked Echo this question. She had no answer. “I am not a god. I do not know everything.”

    Because none wanted anything to do with magic, it will die. And the magic cannot help itself or you, if you do not believe it.

    It is not the magic that cannot do it, or the price, but it is the human who neglects it.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I really love the idea behind this tale, and the poetic quality of the musing in it. But I also thing the writing would need a thoroughly revision for it to really shine. The discussion is very interesting, and the ambiguity on how to see magic on it is quite engaging. Is he just a child imbuing the world around him with magic with his imagination (and what is magic if not this?)? Or is he coping with the gradual loss of magic in a world where magic is all-too-real, but also neglected and seem as dangerous? Perhaps those are even possible at the same time…

      1. Summit the Dragon Avatar
        Summit the Dragon

        thank you for the feedback. i agree, a revision may be in order. btw, as I was writing this, my thought was, is it the magic that cant save you/someone. or yourself/the-person-in-question.

  28. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    Raise the Dad (Life of Madness)
    by Lee Strangely (with help in editing from RVMPLSTLTSKN)

    Thunderbolts roared across the night sky as Buford trudged through steamy air with the suitcase in hand. He weaved around the wet gravestones as they appeared with each thunderstroke.

    “Hurry up, my cursed clock is ticking!” Maddy hollered.

    He lumbered his way to the edge of the grave. At the sight of his silhouette an ear-to-ear grin sprouted along her face, growing bigger as the case was lowered deeper into the pit. With it in hand, the work officially began. And like any hard worker, she operated best to music.

    “From my heart and from my hand,” she sang aloud. “Why don’t people understand my-” she busted the old briefcase open, “-intentions!”

    Her body moved to the beat in her mind.

    The cables unraveled to her rhythm, “Plastic tubes and pots and pans.” She clamped them to the husk in the casket.

    “Bits and pieces and the magic from my hand!” she sang as she lifted the artifact from the case. The entire hole and everything in it were bathed in an eerie green glow. Sparks flew as the cables connected to the crystal object. “We’re makin’ WEIRD SCIENCE!”

    Still swaying to the song, she looked up at Buford.

    “Buford,” she gleefully called, “the rod!”

    With a single thrust Buford drove the metal pole into the ground, Maddy attaching a cable as he did. She covered her ears as the bolts got louder and closer.

    It was like a scream. A single bolt of pure plasma screaming at the top of its lungs as it plummeted to the Earth, impaling itself upon the metal spear that it itself was drawn to.

    Then…

    There was a moan.

    She smiled with a slight quiver, “Welcome back Dad… I give your curse back.”

    She climbed her way back to the surface, practically running from the pit. Behind her a pale form materialized. A curse… Her curse… Moving slowly and consistently. Not slowing, not stopping, passing each tombstone one by one.

    She shook with anticipation.

    It eventually came to her dad…

    And passed him…

    Its direction still pointed to her.

    “H-how?” Maddy croaked, “HOW?!”

    1. Summit the Dragon Avatar
      Summit the Dragon

      I feel a little lost, tbh, some clarification may help, if you feel that it is necessary. but it seems to be saying that her dark-side her “curse”, though was tried to be banished from her, it returned to her. maybe worse than before. in that context it reminds me of “Jykell and Hyde”. but i think you did a good job.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That was an interesting one, and I loved the descriptions. The “set dressing” was really well made, and it was very evocative and tone setting – even if we have already been at this particular scene before. And I always love Maddy’s energy.

      There are some things I think didn’t land so well on this one, though. Two things, in particular. One is that I really think this works more as a companion piece than as a standalone – there is not much here in this particular story to understand the familial nature of the curse, and why her plan should work (at least, in theory). It seems like I needed to have read the previous scene to understand it (and, well, I did, so no problems on my end; but I’m evaluating how well it stands as a stand alone piece). The other thing I found strange (and maybe that’s just me) was that I had so far envisioned Maddy as someone who wouldn’t call what she does magic… but maybe I got the wrong impression. So, the impression I got from this one was that the term is there more to tie in with the prompt than in a more organic way – and if that’s the case (once again, maybe my reading of Maddy is wrong), it does not seem necessary. Weird Science won’t save you is a reading as good as magic won’t save you, at least to my eyes.

      Anyway, just my two cents on some critiques. But overall I find it very well written and engaging, and I can’t wait to see more stories exploring this Life of Madness!

    3. Purge, Bearer of Wrath Avatar
      Purge, Bearer of Wrath

      This is just great! “Hurry up, my cursed clock is ticking.” Holy crap, from here, I am just completely onboard for whatever antics Maddy and Buford are up to. Graves
      or no graves. Yeah, yeah. And that spellsong just bounces out of the text. Awesome stuff.

      And the end? Old Dad magic! Old Dad curse magic! Gotta hate that…

      Wicked piece.

    4. More Maddy!
      Yay ^^

      I really love Maddy she’s such a fun character.

      And the writing itself is excellent.
      “It was like a scream. A single bolt of pure plasma screaming at the top of its lungs as it plummeted to the Earth, impaling itself upon the metal spear that it itself was drawn to.” this is my favourite line, it’s just so graphic.

      I do wonder what Maddy will do now that the curse is still hers but her dad is now also here…it’s getting very interesting ^^

      Keep up the good work

  29. Savor All The Little Emotions (Chronicles of The Dragon) (Ver.2.0)
    By Makokam

    It was almost a shame how stupid her enemies were. Well, if she was to be generous, if not fair, not all her enemies were stupid. Jonathan, for example, was smart enough to sniff out her life and return it, and her mortality, to her. But even after telling him doing that only increased her power he still didn’t realize just how utterly stacked against him the deck was.

    She’d seen him fight. She knew what he could do. She’d figured him out before even the League. But he’d never seen her fight. And he expected her to be scared?

    Did he not understand this was her Lair, constructed to give her every possible advantage? Did he think she fought the brats here by chance?

    Did he forget that she had acquired the power of the Goddess of Death?

    Go ahead and keep tearing the bodies apart. There’s hundreds more where they came from. What did he think she wanted the bodies for? She didn’t even need them whole; their flesh and bone was moldable even in pieces.

    She had nine daises in this room. NINE. Each with an independently charged shield, activated only by her presence, and with a teleport spell that could move her between them at will. The fool could bang on them all he wanted. It wouldn’t matter even if he did manage to break one.

    It was almost boring. He was a quick one, she’d give him that. But she could continue channeling energies from the abyss to rend his body, mind, and soul with only a wave of her hand.

    Even using the shredded remains to re-summon Zhar’Gul, The Old One, was trivial and prepared for.

    If all else failed, Death’s Scythe would take his soul.

    No, there was no part of this that hadn’t been anticipated. Planned for.

    When the shield shattered and his hand closed around her throat, looking into his burning eyes as a smile formed on his face, she knew it was too late to be scared.

    1. Summit the Dragon Avatar
      Summit the Dragon

      i like it. it shows how magic cannot change how one emotions are toward another. to me, it speaks loads to the tension between souls. it seem that her enemy, and and her hatred of him, maybe e her downfall.

      1. Thank you for the review! That’s a very interesting take on the story. I hadn’t considered that.

    2. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      Ahhh! So good. I get the burying emotions, so the last part was a relatable gut punch. Keep it up!

      1. Thanks! Shame her ego got in the way.

    3. Lol! That was glorious. I wish there was more at the end but that’s just a biase I have for Jonathan wrecking stuff. It absolutely gets the point across that Keres planned for everything except for Jonathan being Jonathan.

      It was even more entertaining because I knew from the beginning with how overconfident she was, what it would eventually equate to which had me chuckling throughout the story because I assumed Jonathan would just smash through it all and kill her, no big BECAUSE of how prepared she was.

      I will say that this is very much a Keres and Jonathan story, so anything that didn’t involve them specifically, like the mention of the ‘brats’ or the League probably wasn’t necessary. The reader just kind of just skims over it anyway because you don’t know who they are or what she’s talking about without the context. And those are words that could have been used for more Jonathan epicness lol.

      Great take on the prompt!

      1. Thank you!

        I’ve had various ideas for this scene. Everything from a One Stroke Battle to a “‘How much budget do you want for this scene?.’ ‘Yes.’” spectacular. Who knows how it’ll play out in its (First[/hopeful]?) official incarnation. But this was fun, and was very stress free because I didn’t describe any of what was going on, only implied it. Until the end that it.

        If I had needed to cut out anything, mentions of the League and “the brats” would have been the first to go. But this was like, 20 words under the limit so it wasn’t necessary. But I specifically used “the League” because I thought it would invoke thoughts of “The Justice League”.

        “The brats” doesn’t have any such logic. Just felt natural for her to say it. Though, it does connect it to the previous stories, for those that remember them. I wonder how many do though… Oh well.

    4. I thought I remembered Jonathan. A true monster, that guy. Him defeating DEATH [or someone with the same powers] is big scary.

      Is anything going to end him? Or will it be his curse to keep living as everything dies?

      1. Thank you!

        Yup, Jonathn “The Dragon, Here To Scour The World In Flame” Rose is good at many things, but especially at killing things.

        I’ve honestly considered his ending… But all of them do tend to have him just…continuing on.

    5. Purge, Bearer of Wrath Avatar
      Purge, Bearer of Wrath

      This is interesting. I don’t know your previous tales, but I’m guessing from the comments that these characters have weaved their way through some of your other flash pieces. You managed give a light, just a hint at who Jonathan is, which works fine, I think.

      What I’d love to know more about is how the shields were broken. The story moves instantly from: “No way he’s ever getting through that.” to “Oh, she’s done for!” Maybe some reference to a spell or ally or device that Jonathan would have used might help?

      1. Thank you!

        Yes. Jonathan and Lady Keres are characters I’ve written about before. I do try to make these as “Newcomer Friendly” as possible, but sometimes my own knowledge of the story fills in gaps I didn’t realize I was leaving.

        I’d hoped the lines about “tearing the bodies apart” and “the fool could bang on [the shields]” would paint a “Magic Vs Brawn” sort of picture, but I guess it was still too vague. Oh well. Describing this fight in a way that fits the prompt couldn’t have been done any other way.

        Well, I’ll write the fight out in full one way or another eventually.

  30. Danny Gilhooley Avatar
    Danny Gilhooley

    Just Be Yourself
    By Danny Gilhooley

    “An anti-love potion?” Kessler’s face contorted in utter confusion.

    Nick sighed, “Well I thought that since there was a love potion, there must also be some kind of anti-love potion.”

    Kessler had started shaking his head before Nick finished speaking. “No. No, no, no. What did you think? That Priscilla’s has potions that make people hate you?”

    Nick said, “Well, yeah! I thought!”

    “Who would buy that!”

    “I’d buy that right now!”

    The waitress filled both cups of coffee on the table before strolling away. Nick took a sip, trying to take his mind off how he could possibly break up with Wendy.

    “Alright, well what am I gonna do?” Nick asked.

    “Why would you want to break up with her in the first place?” Kessler asked back. “You had to have bought that love potion for something, right?”

    “Yeah, she’s nice and all. But since she moved in, her quirks have been driving me crazy,” Nick said. “She showers with the bathroom door open. She always has the air conditioner on because she’s always hot. And the laugh…oh man, don’t get me started on the laugh.”

    “Let me get this straight,” Kessler started. He took a sip from his cup of coffee, grimacing as he put it back on the table. “You see this girl on the bus, have a nice conversation, and before you even know her last name, you buy a love potion to get into a relationship.”

    Nick shook his head. It sounded romantic at first. Of course, it sounded ridiculous now.

    “So, you’re sure there’s no anti-love potion?” Nick asked.

    “Oh no,” Kessler said. “If you want out of this, you gotta do it the old-fashioned way.”

    “Old-fashioned way? How am I supposed to do that?”

    “Simple. Just be yourself.”

    Nick thought it over. He realized he was being insulted. But he knew Kessler. He knew Kessler was onto something.

    “Myself?”

    “Trust me. When she gets to really know you, she won’t want anything to do with you.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Very fantastical, yet very slice-of-life piece. I often wonder if the flash fiction format is not perfect to go this route, and this story here is an argument in favor of it.

      I don’t have a lot to critique, really. The flow is quite good, being tossed in the middle of the conversation works really well, and all that is needed to understand what is going on and who those two are are conveyed in the dialogue. I loved the ending – though I must say I at first read it wrong and in my wrong reading I found it even funnier. When Kessler said to Nick “Just be yourself”, I at first read “Just by yourself”, as in, without resorting to any fantastical means. So I was expecting something about taking responsibility in ending the relationship by being truthful ans saying it is not working anymore, regardless on how difficult that conversation could be. And although in this reading it was strange that Nick felt he was being insulted, it was also a funny coincidence, and then the ending would feel like a punchline to crown it all.

      Reading it as it is, it works very well, but it seems like the punchline is delivered too soon. Anyway, it is a great story, but I can’t wonder about that little fluke in reading and how it colored my perception of it.

      1. Danny Gilhooley Avatar
        Danny Gilhooley

        Thank you very much for the kind words!

        I agree, the limit in word length does make it hard to set up a scene or develop characters, but as someone who tends to write a lot of words for stories, I find the word limit to be a nice exercise in learning to be concise when needed.

        The way you first read the ending is certainly a way to go, and if Kessler wanted Nick to learn a lesson, that would definitely be the sentence to write. What I was thinking in my head was to have a Seinfeld situation where the characters are jerks, acknowledge that they’re jerks, but don’t actually learn a lesson or change at the end. I hope it made a little more sense on the second read-through.

        Thank you so much for reading and for the comment and feedback!

    2. Why is showering with the door open a bad thing? >.>

      Anyway, it’s a really neat premise. And it’s surprising that no HAS made a “break up” potion, at least an “antidote” to love potions. Because obviously.

      That said… I feel like “just being himself” shouldn’t be enough. He hasn’t been pretending to be someone else. He used magic to make her love him. Wouldn’t it just keep doing that?

      1. Danny Gilhooley Avatar
        Danny Gilhooley

        Thank you very much for reading and for the feedback!

        The main punchline was that Nick is such a jerk, that even a love potion wouldn’t keep Wendy in love with him, that all he has to do is be himself and, eventually, she’ll be able to break up with him. I guess I could’ve flushed this idea out a little more, but I unfortunately ran out of space to write more.

  31. Hogwarts vs England By Beefsquatch
    On a hot day in England the government saw satellite photos that showed an unknown train going to an unknown castle called Hogwarts. The government took it as a threat to the Queen of England. So the army was ordered by the Prime Minister to raid the castle.
    They sent out tanks, helicopters, infantry, and trucks full of men. When they got to the castle, they loaded thousands of men out of helicopters and trucks. The soldiers were told to shoot down the door with the tank it hit with a “boom”, so they did as they were told. Then they heard people running and yelling gibberish. When the men could finally see, there were hundreds of kids and adults dressed up in cloaks and weird hats. They also held a short wooden stick.the English stood there and laughed at them charging into battle with a cloak and a stick. Then their men fell, flew in the air, or shrank every time they waved their stick. The English yelled “hold your ground men.” Then they started firing and shooting their tanks.
    Both teams were losing men fast. A man from the army was ordered to call America to ask for reinforcements and tell them the location. Thousands of men fell out of planes an hour later with U.S.A. parachutes. The wizards were winning at the time but then a U.S. bomber dropped its load on the castle and blew it to smitherines. As the armies pushed against the wizards, there was nowhere to retreat to and when there was only one left they looked at him, he raised his hands, dropped his wand and stuttered “My name is Harry Potter.” Then an American laughed and with a wretched voice said “Bye.” Then shot him in the stomach, Harry’s last words were “holy crap.”

    1. Ok.
      So.
      I skimmed this and wanted to mention some things.
      First, if you care about being read on the stream, your formatting would disqualify you if fan fiction wasn’t already against the rules.

      Second, if it’s “an unknown castle” they wouldn’t know it’s called “Hogwarts”. And the Prime Minister knows about magic and has contact with the Minister of Magic.

  32. Charlie Ford Avatar
    Charlie Ford

    The Vampire by Charlie Ford
    The priest walked closer to the vampire with his cross extended. As the vampire got swallowed into the corner of the room it hissed in a rasping voice, “Put down your cross and it will be a true battle of fates, your God versus my power.”
    The priest put down his cross and stepped away from the vampire. The priest made the sign of the cross and began to pray, ”Our Father, who art in heaven-”
    “Your prayers mean nothing to me,” the vampire interrupted as he began to walk towards the priest. When he walked, it was a slow trudge, like the prayer was pushing him back.
    “Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth,” the priest continued.
    “My power is much stronger than your God’s weak magic,” the vampire exclaimed, “You will receive no mercy.”
    “-as it is in heaven. Give us this d-d-day,” the priest began to tremble as he headed back away from the vampire, “Our d-d-d-daily bread and forgive us our t-tres-s-spasses”
    “My power is older and stronger than you can imagine,” the vampire warned as he continued to step forward.
    “As w-we forgive th-those who trespass against us,” the priest mumbled as he began to run out of space to retreat, “and l-lead us n-not into temptation.”
    “Your demise is here and now!,” the vampire announced. With every step the vampire took the floor groaned.
    “But deliver us from evil,” the priest finished as he hit the wall. The vampire grabbed him by the neck and smashed his head into the wall. The wall was splattered in blood and the back of the priest’s head flattened. The priest’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as the vampire sunk his teeth into the priest’s throat. The warm blood rolled down the vampire’s chin as he devoured the priest’s flesh.

    1. The story is quite good, we can see a steady increase in pressure as the priest fall back. There is just small detail I would change. First you introduce that the priest had the upper hand while wielding the cross and start losing when he only pray. It makes sense at first because the priest is confident that he has nothing to fear, but as you describe with success that he starts panicking he should go back using the first method that he knows what is successful. Thinking why it wouldn’t work anymore might give you an even better ending. For example, if the god no longer protect him because he thinks it was pride that let him accept this foolish challenge by the vampire and that is a mortal sin.

    2. Great story!

      I don’t really see anything that needs critique; just for a bit of clarification, am I understanding right that this confrontation could have gone either way? At least at the beginning it seems like the priest’s prayer is having an effect before he starts stuttering. Magic systems where belief can strengthen the weakness of the spell is always a plus.

      1. Charlie Ford Avatar
        Charlie Ford

        Yes, that is right

        1. Sonia Tuffin Avatar
          Sonia Tuffin

          Good job

    3. Sonia Tuffin Avatar
      Sonia Tuffin

      The description is in depth and helpful to paint a picture.

      1. Charlie Ford Avatar
        Charlie Ford

        Thanks

  33. Aracnarquista Avatar
    Aracnarquista

    “Sufficiently Advanced Magic”
    by Aracnarquista

    Some strangeness is to be expected when you have Rod as a roommate. I have even got used to some of his particular inclinations. But the chanting always gets on my nerves. There was just something about how it could start at absolutely any random moment, and its droning made it incredibly difficult to focus on anything else.

    And I have a very difficult test tomorrow. University life is hard enough even if your roommate is not a practicing occultist.

    “Rod, we had an agreement. You were supposed to give me notice if you were to… what is going on here?”

    His room was an interesting sight in the best of moments, but the laptop at the center of the chalk lines and candles was not something I was prepared for.

    “Tim, I’m really sorry. I know, I screwed up. But I need to save my thesis.”

    I tried to process it all, but it was no use. Rod’s major was in law, so I was not certain how ritualizing his laptop could influence it. I think my confusion was apparent enough to pierce through his despaired state.

    He started explaining after a deep sigh.

    “Backup files, I sort of don’t have them. Didn’t make them. And the computer… well, it’s screwed. I’m pretty sure the hard drive is corrupted. So, it is dead, and my thesis, what I have of it, was all in there.”

    After a brief pause, he must have noticed that I was still confused and trying to connect a busted hard drive with the magic circle and candles in the room.

    “No time or resources to try to repair it. Also, there is a very real possibility that the files are lost. But there’s this ritual to consort with the dead for information…”

    “Rod, that’s just nonsense. Necromancy wouldn’t work on a computer, to begin with. Not a living being, you know? You don’t really…”

    I was cut short as the laptop screen suddenly lit up the darkness we were in with a “transfer complete, magus” message.

    “Let’s just hope it is the right version…”

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      This has a similar vibe to when Dr. Doofenshmirtz had to deal with a building blocking his view of a drive-in movie theater, and his solution being to build a machine to teleport the building and all its occupants to a random location. He could’ve moved over to another window where the view was unobstructed, but no, he thought teleporting everything was easier.

      What exactly would the spirits of the dead know about some guy’s thesis paper? Haven’t a clue… And the fact that his main concern… is which draft of the paper he might be receiving. This is hilarious. Great job!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Oh, but the part about the main concern being which draft he managed to save is all too real. Being there all too often to know that sometimes that’s the only thing that matter (and all too often, the file you managed to save was not the one you wanted, which is dreadful)!

        The thing I was trying to convey was that he was consorting with the dead… computer! Trying to retrieve the “memories” of the busted hard drive, as if asking for the knowledge of a dead person. I had a whole thing planned about a discussion on how magic and code seemed like a similar thing to a practitioner, but it would be way over the word limit.

        Anyway, thanks for the comment!

        1. Lee Strangely Avatar
          Lee Strangely

          Knowing this just made the story even better.

    2. Sanguinerus Avatar
      Sanguinerus

      This is a pretty funny use of magic, a charming story.

      My critiques always focus on setting the scene and using the senses. Although you are able to determine passively that they are in their university dorm room, and there is some description of Rod’s room, a more concrete setting at the start would help the reader catch up, though this isn’t bad.

      You’ve also combined your description of Rod’s room with the protagonist’s experience of seeing it, which covers the use of sight. Though I don’t see another example of senses and I always recommend using at least two. The deep sigh could count as a use of sound but it can also just be considered part of the dialouge.

      These aside, the character’s attitudes come across nicely, I would make some different punctuation choices in some places but it still reads okay.

      Again it’s a nice charming story

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Yeah, I’d like to start this one with a description of his studies being interrupted by chanting, and a description of the unknown words and sounds about it. But in trying to be concise, a lot was lost in this department. And the thing about not setting a proper scene at the start is a common sin of mine – there is something about my style that works well with it, but when it doesn’t then I just kind of forget about it. And that’s the case in this one.

        I’m very glad that the characters managed to come across. The idea for the story worked way better in my head, and when I noticed how many words I’d need to make it work as intended… well, it really seemed like I haven’t thought it through at all.

        Thanks for the comment! It is great to use constructive criticism to re-evaluate the tales and think on the next ones!

    3. Don’t know if it was on purpose or subconscious, just wanted to point out there is a book called Sufficiently Advanced Magic by Andrew Rowe

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Certainly not on purpose or even a subconscious decision to reference that particular book. I was making a pun with the quote from Arthur C. Clarke which was even present on the text call for the writing prompt this week: “any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic”, which I’d imagine is the same reasoning behind the name of the book (though I might be wrong here – I really don’t know anything about the book). Interesting coincidence, though!

    4. As a writer, I can confirm that I also turn to the dark arts when I lose my work after saving for the 500th time.

      It’s rare to see comedy in your writing. This was actually really funny. The college roomate dynamic worked out as the basis for toony shenanigans, like summoning demons to retrieve your college thesis so you can pass a college class that stresses you out like it’s the cold war. Just for it to end casually like you didn’t have your finger over the launch button.

      It feels like a refreshing episode of your favorite cartoon that adds an imppossible twist to the reality you’re expecting.

      Here’s a like before my phone gives ou- *Joe has left the chat*

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for the comment, Joe – I always have a good laught with the inside narratives you craft into the comments. That is commitment to the craft!

        And, well, this one has a little bit of truth in it, since I have just recovered my computer – and almost all the more important files of it – from being the waters of Lethe… and I can’t really say it was all a technological feat (well, considering language and magic is a technology, then yes, but you know what I mean). It was a dire experience, and trying to put a comedic spin to it seemed like the way to go.

    5. This is hilarious. I really love this story, this “I’m not even really annoyed at my roommate anymore, mainly tired of his sh-tuff” attitude from the protag, which turns to this confused discussion; and then the fact that the ritual did indeed work? Just pure genius.
      I would have never thought of having a character try to “talk” to a dead computer.

      Really great story. Thank you for writing and sharing it.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks you for the comment and the kind works!

        I usually don’t dip my toes in comedy (or, at least, I think most of the times I do it I try to do it covertly, since I don’t really trust my comedy), but this seemed like the way to go this time. And the idea of all forms of techniques and language-games being (magic, code, wordplay, rhetoric…), in a sense, possible to be mingled is something I like to play with.

    6. Oh, this is a good one. Very funny. I’m a little confused about how it shows that magic won’t save you since it does actually work. Is it because it shouldn’t have worked or wasn’t expected to? Either way, it’s hilarious and I’m glad you wrote it the way you did. Your submissions have been my favorite in the group so far. Keep making stuff up!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for the comment and the kind words, Babs! I really appreciate them.

        The idea on how I’d say the story tries to deal with the prompt is more the roommate attitude than what is going to happen – he is convinced that the situation at hand might require some kind of solving, but magic certainly wouldn’t figure among the options. So I tried to take the prompt more as the point of difference between the characters (Rod -> Busted hard-drive, and no money or time? That’s what magic is for!; Tim -> Magic is not even real, and even if it were, necromancy of all things wouldn’t work on something that was never alive to begin with) than an statement about what happens in the story.

        And, well, there is the very real possibility that the ritual worked, but the version he managed to salvaged was not up-to-date… that’s a dreadful thought!

        Anyway, thanks again!

    7. I love this premise XD and the execution of it.
      The idea of trying to necormance a laptop in a magic circle is just inherently funny and then having Tim being an everyman and standing on the sidelines going “what the hell are you even doing?” is just wonderful.

      Also the line “Backup files, I sort of don’t have them” felt both like a personal attack and made me feel justified in bonking Rod on the head so take that as you will XD

      Keep up the good work

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        That line came from experience, you know? I surely think Rod deserves a bonk on the head… thought I”d be more inclined in bonking the head of past me. Heck, even present me hasn’t really learned that lesson entirely, to be true.

        Thanks a lot for the comment!

    8. wow that was a really unexpected take on the prompt I don’t think I would link necromancy to get back a lost file.
      I guess magic is indeed useful even in modern times. hehe. Hopefully he doesn’t rise a undead virus/bot for web domination with magic.

      All in all very enjoyable, I like how for the most part of the story you have no idea if was really magic or just as real as percursive maintenance.

      Good job.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot. Now I’m wondering how the idea of a virus never at once come to my mind, and how funny that could be to play at. “That damn virus is something else, not really code. That’s magic!” This has a lot of potential.

        Glad you enjoyed it.

    9. Danny Gilhooley Avatar
      Danny Gilhooley

      Lol, this was one of my biggest fears when I was in school.

      The story is great. I really like how you establish both Rod and Tim in the early paragraphs, particularly the quirks of Rod’s occultism that Tim gets annoyed with. It really adds to the back and forth between the two when the ritual is taking place, and the dialogue sounds like it would be between two roommates in university.

      And the ending was a nice touch. Guess magic can fix this issue.

      I have nothing to critique, very well done!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot. And, well, that is a very, very understandable fear. Good think that I managed to work it in the story!

    10. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      Like everyone else, I simply love this.

      The long suffering roommate is an excellent way into this scene as the reader gets to share his confusion and skepticism with Rod’s antics.

      Rod feels very much like a “don’t tell me the rules” type of character; he’s thinking outside the box and does not have time for your logic and reasoning because those things aren’t going to help him. I can see him thinking, “Well, I have plenty of chalk and candles, there’s no way I’m not going to give this a shot.” Almost a younger, less cynical Constantine like character.

      I also loved his almost nonchalance at this impossible thing working, with his only focus being on the precious file prize. He can marvel over his unlikely feat once the thesis is done.

      I am very curious, if this hadn’t worked, would he have started summoning things to try to make a deal to retrieve his lost files? I’d love to know how far he was willing to go.

      My only minor criticism would be that Tim seems awfully sure of the rules of necromancy for a non occultist (I expected more of a “Will that even work?” as opposed to “there’s no way that can work” if that makes sense), but I’m still able to overlook it as a sort of I-know-more-than-I-normally-would-about-this-topic-because-my-roommate-knows-EVERYTHING-about-this-topic-and-I’ve-learned-through-osmosis sort of relationship.

      Overall, I loved this take on the prompt, and I would wager that almost everyone here has wished they could use magic to get back a precious file at some point (and it actually working was a cherry on top). Let’s just hope he hasn’t somehow granted the computer sentience and started the machine uprising, or his thesis will be the last of his worries!

      Fun and satisfying in the best ways. Excellent work!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot. I was going to say that Tim’s perspective on necromancy would be more like a no-nonsense kind of “well, this is magic to work on dead things, and a computer is not dead per se, so there is no way that would work… and, most important of all, all this magic talk is bullshit anyway”, but I love the reasoning that, yeah, he lives with this guy, some of the lingo and the ideas must have just been there for him to pick up little by little, so it would make sense for him to argue. “Look, if I understand the littlest thing about all that crazy stuff you do, it wouldn’t work”. Makes sense.

        And well, perhaps those ideas of bringing up an undead virus or giving the busted computer sentience are possibilities for new stories!

        Thanks a lot for the comment, and for the food for thought!

  34. Purge, Bearer of Wrath Avatar
    Purge, Bearer of Wrath

    Phoenix, Darling
    by Purge, Bearer of Wrath

    The first few days were like a new heaven. Like the world had been reduced to a simple joy of moment and flow. How could this be? Her girl. Her little girl. Who had been taken. Who had been given up for lost.

    And then one day there she was. Just sitting there, eating her lunch.

    And yes, the diet that Mr. Thausius had outlined was… well… it was a lot of raw meat for a child. And yes, the way her eyes looked off into the distance was a little disconcerting. And there was the pallor. There was that odd pallor… But, it was her girl. Her Phoenix! Returned. Like a tiny prophecy.

    Shona could not have believed that such magic existed in the world. All through the Rite of Raising, she had been in awe of Mr. Thausius; his bearing and care and elegance. And after that incident with the insects. Well, that was unsettling. But. He had come as soon as she’d called. What did he say: “There are always adjustments.”

    He gave her such peace of mind.

    It was a lot of beetles for a child to eat though. But that was weeks ago and things were a lot better since then. There was the green bile and the frothing, but those were small things. Almost nothing. And now Phoenix was able to hang out with her friends again. She was in there with Junie for the last hour. Playing away. You’d hardly even know they were there.

    They were being oddly quiet now she considered it…

    When she opened the door to Phoenix’s room, she knew she was not to look. A few moments passed and her mind understood the blood by the iron smell of it.

    Shona stood frozen in the lullaby sound of the slurping, the feeding.

    After some time Phoenix raised her head from what remained of Junie. Her eyes widened when she saw her mother.

    “Is bad Mom?”

    Shona stood still and silent.

    “Mebbe you call Mr. Tausius?”

    1. i love the way it is insinuated the girl is an undead without having to tell it. It is done in a way that you rely on what necromancy idea the reader have allowed a great variety of representation. Also you find time to make a comment about the grief and denial as well as make the test light despite a crude depiction of a child murder.

      1. Purge, Bearer of Wrath Avatar
        Purge, Bearer of Wrath

        I’m glad you like the tale. It was my hope that by the time the reader reaches the end of the story, the absurdity of what’s happening would help the last act of violence to stand out as cartoonish, maybe a bit horrific, but certainly not “real”. And I do mean the violence, rather than the predicament.

        Because the denial is, of course, what the moral story centres around. Because denial is a component, and an important component of grief. But grief is also a process of transforming denial, slowly, and with care and sensitivity, into acceptance. One of the things I was going for is to try to give a horror-shot of what might happen if that transformation is replaced by something a lot less healthy.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I love how the story is built. The layers of meaning of what is really going on being delivered piece by piece work wonders. There is the way it is being read, when we start by finding it odd and then putting it all together, and there is the way the discourse of the mother seems to be fighting the realization she needs to face. Historicizing the dissonance, in a way.

      That was a great format here, and a very interesting way to look at the take. There are a lot of possible interpretation on why magic won’t save her now – has it saved her before? can other parents be as “unconcerned/despaired” to accept this solution? is Junie’s demise all that different from Phoenix?

      Also, great subversion of expectations with the naming. You start very early giving hints at what is going on, but that naming serves to prime one to doubt what is being read – which is a great way of building a rapport with the mother, who seems to be doing the same thing.

      Really well written story!

      1. Purge, Bearer of Wrath Avatar
        Purge, Bearer of Wrath

        Thank you. I’m glad you liked it. Your comments on interpretations are interesting. Some of these, as is often the case, are accidental. For example, I hadn’t begun to consider at all what other “good deeds” Mr. Thausius might be responsible for..

  35. Reinkarnitor Avatar
    Reinkarnitor

    The Chasm

    by Reinkarnitor

    The Chasm was a dangerous place, that was clear from the beginning. Not many who have entered it also emerged again. There are creatures in it, which you never want to meet.

    It came as a big surprise when the adventurer’s guild decided to host the biggest expedition into the Chasm that has ever taken place in history. Up to a hundred adventurers joined, warriors, knights, wizards, witches and wayfinders. All of them wanted to be part of this legendary team, that should press further into the Chasm than any other had before. In search of gold and glory humans seem to often forget their sanity…

    When the expedition started, all went well. The huge number of people was able to beat every monster that stood in their way easily. They would cheer with each fallen beast, which symbolized a step closer towards unreached hights…or depths in this case.

    And so they ended up here. Yes, right here in my chamber. When they saw me, they attacked me of course. They swung their swords, mazes, spears, and axes and hailed me with all kinds of spells. But my hive was thick. Thicker than the strongest shield. And so, one by one they fell. May it be because of my claws, teeth, or my fire breath, it does not really matter, does it? Death by cutting, death by broken bones, death by burning…there is no real difference…they died in the end.

    But even with all of that, they should be happy that they didn’t get past me. Because my sisters, who wait below are not like me. They don’t just eat you and grant you a quick death. Well…best not to think about that now.

    Hm? You want to know why I am telling you all of this? Well, because now you are in my chamber of course. Even though I am not one to unnecessarily torture my prey, I wanted you to know how many have tried before you. And now that you stand in front of me…not even magic can save you!

    Thank you for the meal!

    1. I think you’re taking an interesting perspective here from the dragon and there’s enough world building you’ve introduced that you’ve clearly put some thought into to to create a vivid scene.

      I think, if you’re wanting to revise this, it would benefit from holding some of the information about the world back (the adventurer’s guild, the bounty put out on the chasm monsters, the adventurers killing weaker monster) and zooming in on the current scene.

      Some questions to consider:

      – what does the dragon want? Are they protecting themself/something? Do they need to eat? Do they care about their sisters?

      – is it a surprise to the dragon that adventurers have made it this far? If they had made it that far, how are they getting past the beasts higher in the chasm? Is the dragon annoyed they are there? Angry?

      – what benefit do the adventurers gain from entering the chasm? Is it treasure?glory? safety?

      – are the chasm beasts leaving the chasm killing humans, provoking the adventurers guild, or are the humans intruding into the world of beasts?

      – is there a piece of magic that could hurt the dragon?
      It could be interesting that a wizard wounds the dragon and they experience pain for the first time even though they kill the wizard and they have to come to grips with its own potential mortality after not really considering it. Imagine if a rat stabbed you in the leg so bad you needed stitches, that’d be pretty surprising and would probably change your view of rats.

      There are also a few proof reading things e.g. mazes -> maces and hive-> hide.

      Consider these questions and then take the reader into the chasm while the dragon is being attacked by adventurers and write from there. I personally would find that more compelling, but I understand your creative intent here in that the reader is trapped in the chasm about to be killed so it’s totally cool if you want to keep that angle. If that’s the case, I would recommend writing this from the perspective of the trapped adventurer instead of the dragon while the dragon monologues to them from the shadows.

      I hope you come back to this, I think there’s a lot of potential.

      Keep writing 🙂

    2. Very nice story! I love the premise; I do have a few questions, namely how the… I’m assuming some variety of dragon? Gets its information. Sounds like it and the other chasm creatures don’t get out much and I doubt the adventurers would have been in the mood to talk while dying.

      I also like that little bit at the end. “Unnecessary torture” apparently doesn’t cover taunting (which is one of my favorite parts of any confrontation with a villain)

  36. Punchbag Mage
    By Swapjon

    The fist is the size of an anvil, coming toward my belly. I use magic to fortify my body, but it is in vain. I’m hit as if I hadn’t even tried to defend myself, a choked grunt escapes my mouth and I lose my breath. The punch is so powerful I go flying through the stone gateway, landing sliding across the muddy floor of the castle courtyard. My enemy walks toward me slowly. A reanimated orc, portly, taller than a carriage. Its eyes blaze in cursed green, as do the runes carved into its skin. The symbols are familiar, a necromancer has raised this creature as what they call mage eater. I see saliva dripping between its fangs. After effortlessly resisting my fireballs and ice spikes, the monster must know that I have no tricks left. For all the power I thought I possessed, in the end I will die in the mud, like a pig.

    Suddenly, I see my father. A memory long suppressed to ease the pain of being torn from my family. We are playing chess, I take the queen, but father smiles. “Sometimes my son, a good plan can overcome absurd power imbalances. Checkmate.” This is not the end. I look around, then close my eyes, and using my last strength, I take my mind to the arcane realm were thoughts exist beyond time. My magic is now completely depleted, but I took a good look on what’s around me, and I will find a way to survive, even if it takes planning forever.

  37. A True End

    By: Kino

    Under a crimson sky, with billowing orange tinted clouds, lay a man in the grass staring into worlds beyond sight. The wind blew slightly, shifting the clouds and furrowing his clothes. Save for the wind, no sounds filled the silence left by the single man, and he had no intention of filling it. Having fought many battles with skills beyond man, his body’s limit at what it can take has long been expended, leaving just a man, alone, ready to give in. In days past, he would have had many clever ways to run from death, and for many lifetimes he did. But every soul only has so much of itself it can give away before it is little more than a thin shadow of what it once was. When you make a habit of cheating yourself outside of the laws of nature, things always return to take a toll.

    In this case, with no real soul left to speak of, this man has nowhere left to go. He will die soon, but has nothing to be reaped, no soul to take to the end. In this case, the end will truly be the end. One would think this a sad end, one melancholic tale to ward off others from such a life. But this man never saw it as such. As he lays there, waiting for the end as he enjoys the last thing he’ll ever see, he’s happy. He dictated the life he lived. With a content smile on his face, he has no regrets. A true quiet fills his lungs, and a sunset seen only in dreams satiates his hunger. Though at the doors of death, he’s never been more alive.

    He needn’t move, he needn’t try. Every single step he has taken has been his, and every step he now chooses to forego is his. Could he walk, though he can’t he wouldn’t. He’s reached his own foregone conclusion and welcomes it with the pride of someone who outlasted the rest. He can be happy

    1. Sanguinerus Avatar
      Sanguinerus

      Lol, your story is so similar to mine in ways, I could copy your review and paste it here lol.

      Anyway, I always use the same critiques, setting the scene and using the senses. I always say try to use at lease two senses in a scene.

      We start with a simple picturesque field and a beautiful sky. For a story like this, I don’t think any more is really needed for the setting, the reader is where they need to be here.

      You reference the sound of the wind an that’s good.

      You reference a quiet in his lungs, this covers propriosception and also elaborates on the serenity of the scene.

      You use the word hunger but it’s metaphorical hunger, so it could still count as a third use of sense, depending on one’s interpretation.

      I can understand there may have been a temptation to skip these in a scene like this where nothing physical really happens but you didn’t and it really helps carry the mood.

      All told, a great job.

      1. It was because our two ideas were so similar I felt inclined to comment on yours. It’s an approach to stories I really enjoy

  38. Sanguinerus Avatar
    Sanguinerus

    A Deal is a Deal
    by Sanguinerus

    A man stood in darkness with a mysterious light shining down upon him and the air was cold and stagnant. He was old in age with a white beard down to his waste and his clothes were regal, yet casual.

    “Light!” He commanded in an attempt to cast a spell.

    “That won’t work here.” Uttered a raspy whisper from a spectre in the void.

    “Fireball!” Commanded the man, gesturing with his arm as if to throw a magical ball of fire. After a pause, he stood tall and shouted once more. “Teleport!”

    “Stop embarrassing yourself.” Said the voice as the light slowly started to dim. “It’s time to pay your dues.”

    “My what?” Asked the man.

    “Do you remember, as a boy, encountering a being deep in the woods?” Asked the spectre. The man looked askance at the void. “I offered you your heart’s desires and you wanted powers to change the world as you saw fit… magical powers. You were delighted at the opportunity and what was asked in return wa-”

    “My soul.” Interrupted the man, as realisation washed upon him and the light continued to fade. “But, it’s too soon.”

    “They always say that.” Replied the spectre.

    “I’ve so much to do.”

    “You’ve done enough.” Insisted the spectre, circling the man in the darkness, churning the air around him. You seized control of a kingdom, married a princess, you brought long lasting peace and prosperity… you lived your best life.”

    “It was a wonderful life.” The man conceded as the light grew ever darker.

    “Did you not preach that one should always keep one’s word, no matter the circumstance?” Asked the spectre.

    “I did.” The man concurred as he clenched he fist in fear and anticipation.

    “Then come.” Said the spectre, as the darkness finally consumed the man.

    1. A nice and simple story of a man who has lived a full life coming to terms with his own mortality. What is nice about stories like these is that they don’t necessarily need to be about magic, and at their core, they’re not. While the details of this story have magic and spirits and souls, really all it boils down to is a man at his end, and accepting it. All good stories should boil down to a human core, and I think that’s done well here

    2. The first period took me a little away because of the adjectives weren’t quite concrete, and then I found the part when the man tried to cast fireball repetitive (fire ball/ball of fire). Other than that your story has a nice flow.
      The plot is a nice fit to the theme and has a cool spin on the usual cursed deals tales, I say this because I get a feeling of ambiguity, maybe the deal was worth it.

      1. Sanguinerus Avatar
        Sanguinerus

        Y’know I gotta say this critque is spot on. I’m always getting on people for setting the scene so having a setting like this that was vague was perhaps a touch lazy.

        As for my use of tautology, I did that because when you use magic in a story at all it’s important to define the rules as much as you can. Magic is honestly a lazy storytelling device if used improperly; The best thing about magic is that it can do anything, whereas the problem with magic is that it can do anything.

        So here I was trying to convey the point that the magic works by giving a short command and sometimes gesturing, without taking up too much of the story, it should have been something subtle, but perhaps I failed here.

    3. Charlie Ford Avatar
      Charlie Ford

      I like how you used the prompt in a way that magic can’t delay the inevitable. He knew that any day his soul would be taken so he “lived his best life.” In the end it demonstrated that however hard he tries his fate is going to catch up to him no matter what. I loved the story and it was well written. Great job!

    4. I like the idea you used and I think that you thought way out of the box. Your piece reflected exactly what the prompt asked of you. I like the way you set up the story and how the spectre reminded the man of the deal in the woods.
      I was thinking about how you could do better but its perfect already.
      Good Job.

    5. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This was a very simple one, yet very effective. I really liked how there was no fighting the inevitable once the man realized what he was dealing with – sure, he tried fighting when he didn’t understand what was going on, but when it become clear it was his debt being collected… well, the tone then was more reflective on the worth of the deal, and that was a nice surprise.

      I really don’t have much to say in lieu of critique here. I found the contrast of a regal yet casual clothing quite hard to picture, but that’s was the thing that sound odd to me. Apart from that, everything works just fine!

      That was a very interesting take, and a well written story.

      1. Sanguinerus Avatar
        Sanguinerus

        I should have just said he was wearing his royal pyjamas lol.

        Thank you for the reply.

  39. Faustini Avatar
    Faustini

    Do you have faith?
    By Spawn of Faust

    “Do you believe? Do you have faith?” The same series of questions was showering me from the mouth of my jailor. And yet I had yet to answer. Day after day, he would come and ask me those questions.

    My jailor left me alone in the darkness. As soon as the door shut, rats crawled into my cell. Their teeth were chattering, their tiny paws were tapping on my uncovered skin. And yet I endured. I kept my faith.

    Talisman was clasped deep in my palm, giving me strength, helping me to survive. Light entered my cell and rats fled. Iron door creaked and my jailor entered once again, but this time he wasn’t alone. Step behind him was a man dressed in a ceremonial gown.

    “Do you believe? Do you have faith?” My jailor asked once again. I refused to answer. “Silence again? Do not worry. My friend here will make sure that your eyes will loosen.” Jailor waved his hand towards the priest, who uncovered his torso, adored with tens of knives and other tools.

    Clasped talisman burned my hand. It burned and burned. Flesh of my hand was sizzling and evaporating, and so did the metal of the cuffs. Flames erupted from the rest of my hand and I hurled myself on to be torturer of mine. Man died in a single heartbeat, his face caved in and the brain burned out of his skull.

    My jailor just clicked his finger and the fire died out. “You were hiding this from me? This trinket? Do not worry it won’t save you.” He smiled, clasped my hands into the cuffs once again and left with my amulet.

    Time was flowing. Day after day. Rats in, rats out.

    At last the building shook with an explosion. The door to my cell was kicked in and for the first time in so many moons I saw a friend’s face.

    “If magic won’t work here. Science will.” He said as loose rock fell from the ceiling, darkening my view forever.

    Yes, my jailor. I’ve kept my faith.

  40. Gunpowder Spell (Frontier Universe)
    By Alex Nightingale (aka Spectre)

    The sect known only as the Spear-Carrier was in trouble. More and more of their safe houses had been raided by Keene’s law enforcement officers and this one would be no different. As the door was broken down, many of the brothers and sisters above defended the entrance to the basement to the last, as they had been taught to do.

    The sorcerer was attempting to clean up beneath. He doused the papers in oil and set them on fire, while destroying the bronze-coloured machines that held the digital knowledge. He couldn’t let them find anything. It was vital for their sect’s survival.

    Upstairs, he heard spears clatter to the floor and people being arrested. Those cowards were surrendering, instead of fighting. In his mind, he was already preparing curses for some of them, as an example to others. But first, he needed to destroy the altar.

    Footsteps sounded behind him. He turned and saw a young woman, dressed in an enforcer’s uniform, her long hair in a single braid, descend the stairs. She was holding a revolver.

    “You’re under arrest,” the woman said.

    “Come and take me, then,” he challenged, retreating behind the safety of several markings on the floor.

    The officer stepped right up to the magical barrier and held two fingers to it. Symbols began to glow on her hand and arms, as the protective barrier shimmered and tore open.

    The sorcerer couldn’t believe his eyes. She was ripping his magic apart, like it was mere fog on an autumn morning.

    “Last chance,” she said, her eyes glowing in the same blue light as her symbols.

    The sorcerer roared and, using the power of the altar, tried to burn her alive. The air heated up rapidly. He shouted out a prayer to his saviour, preparing the curse.

    She shot him through the head.

    As the sorcerer lay dead on the floor, Talia stepped up right next to him, holstering her gun.

    “Prayer and magic? Really? You but too much faith in this little cult of yours. Don’t underestimate a powered. Least of all, one like me.”

    1. Sanguinerus Avatar
      Sanguinerus

      Ok, so this is my favourite I’ve read so far. I’m always going on about setting the scene and using the senses. You glosed over the former a little but you did a fantastic job of the latter.

      I always say try to use at least two senses as it helps immerse your reader and let’s them experience the world:

      “Upstairs, he heard spears clatter to the floor and people being arrested.” A great use of sound, not only for the moment but it’s a background noise that one can assume is ongoing.

      “Footsteps sounded behind him.” Use of sound again, very good.

      “He turned and saw a young woman, dressed in an enforcer’s uniform, her long hair in a single braid, descend the stairs. She was holding a revolver.” Great use of sight and a fantastic descrption of the new character.

      The use of the word “shimmered” also refers to sight again, good stuff.

      “The air heated up rapidly.” Use of thermoception, that’s 3 senses you’ve used, this is brilliant, this is quality storytelling in my book.

      My critique is a touch more exposition could be used to set the scene at the very begining, you do say that it’s a safe house, which is really important, and you mention the broken door, but I feel just a little more will start the story a little better. Still way better than most and a great job!

    2. You have the skill to use words as painting brushes, nice work.

    3. Sniperaxiom Avatar
      Sniperaxiom

      I’m not sure why but I really like this story. Despite the limited word count the story didn’t feel rushed. I feel like it was really believable that it would take a bit to cast the spell, giving Talia a chance to shoot him. He also just ticked me off so him getting unceremoniously shot in the head was satisfying haha. Anyways great job!

    4. I love this story. As has been said before you have an excellent use of showing and not telling and the way you use the senses to put the reader into the action is expertly done. This is very easy to follow and yet is simultaneously rich in both lore and action.

      Not to mention I’m a bit of a sucker for a big build up only for it to be cut off by common sense. I also liked that Talia wasn’t trigger happy and gave the sorcerer multiple chances to surrender which showed how out of his depth he truly was.

      The only real critique I have is that I’m assuming you meant “You (p)ut too much faith…”

      Excellent take on the prompt!

    5. Solid writing. Reminds me a lot of “don’t bring a knife to a gunfight” or the one dude in Indiana Jones that swings his swords around to threaten him, just for Jones to pull out a gun and shoot him. I think it seems like a dope world with interesting magic and world-building. I’m glad you wrote about this for the prompt. Keep making stuff up.

  41. Maxer4000 Avatar
    Maxer4000

    That’s all you got?
    By Maxer4000

    After a long gruelling battle, bodies piled up into a mountain, but finally, they done it, victory is their. The general walks over the carnage left in it’s wake, to face the leader of the enemies, a man resided inside a black power armor that is crumbling down around him.

    The man keeps crawling, leaving a trail of blood and hydraulic fluid as the pistons in his armor struggle to barely keep him together, let alone movements, yet he keeps on going, not to the bunker his men retreated to, but to a rifle, intending to continue the fight. The general strolls pass him, picking up the gun “Persistent one, aren’t you?” he stares down the pile of black scraps that was once a walking arsenal that tore through his men by the hundreds.

    The armored man keeps crawling to grip the general’s leg “Up… yours” only to receive a kick to the face, shattering the helmet, revealing the mangled face of a blond one-eyed man underneath. The general walks over and put a foot on the man’s throat “Now tell me, what was your thought process there?” he points at the bunker and the bodies riddling the field “You brought 6 of your troops, 2 warriors from a race we thought were long extinct and what… ever that mass of living obsidian was, I admire what you have, I wont lie. But did you think that was enough to fend against an army of 6 millions Hamornian troops alongside their greatest mages” the man just laughs between bouts of blood coughs “Yet… it took you… this long.. to…to stop us…” He then just start cackling.

    The irritated general lifts the man up by the collar “did it matter? you still lost. Were you that confident with what you have here?” the man begins to wince from his laughs hurting him “nah… nah… just keeping casualties down.” A click, the general looks over the detonator he hid in his palm, then a bright light. It was too late, 6 millions empire troops and their mages, wiped out by nuclear fire.

    1. You write well, creating fast paced pictures with your words, but I fell like you could have gotten more in thouch with the premisse, I enjoyed the reading but the mages kinda felt thrown in just to make the cut for the theme. Would like to see a war story from yours, you seem to have a good grasp on visualizing battlefields.

      1. Maxer4000 Avatar
        Maxer4000

        Yes it do be like that since I made it to be the tail end of a battle between technological advances against overwhelming magic where the mages being more prominent, but that would pass the words limit so I hope you understand where I’m coming from.

  42. Charcoal Avatar
    Charcoal

    The Sacrifice
    By Charcoal

    The cultist stepped up to the altar, ready to perform the sacrifice. She held up the dagger, and when it pierced her chest, it was unlike any pain she had felt before, and as the toxin flowed through her veins, she was brought down to her animalistic instincts. All she could think was “Pain”, and though her mind was reduced to this intoxicated slop, she still knew deep within that it would be over soon, and she would transcend from these mortal concepts into a higher state of being. She was promised it, after all. Then it all turned to darkness.

    Moments later, she awoke in a barren, white plane. Just the sight of it hurt her eyes. The cultist, confused and exhausted, looked around for answers. As she turned around, she saw a pale figure adorned in a silky cloak of white and gold. She immediately understood what had happened.

    There was no transcendence, no godlike powers, no lovers beyond death, not even a heaven or hell.

    This was it. She was just.. Dead.
    “No. No, that’s- impossible. The lord would never lie to us! This is simply one of his tests of our faith!” She attempted to stab her chest again in order to achieve the transcendence she was promised, but as she looked down, she realized she had no dagger, no hands. She was simply a voice. “No, please, let me go back! It can’t end here, it can’t! I had so much more to do!” At the verge of tears, she was ready to do anything. She’d know, she had done anything hundreds of times.

    The pale figure looked down upon her, and finally spoke. “..I’ve seen it a thousand times, you know. It never gets any easier. It would be best for both of us if you let go already so I can send you on your way.”

    “Where? Where are you sending me? If this is the final step for me, where does that leave me to go?”

    “Nowhere.”

    Had she any heart left to stop, it would have frozen.

    1. Sanguinerus Avatar
      Sanguinerus

      Lol, that’s quite a cold open. That aside, I’m all about setting the scene and using the senses. To be fair, there are are two different locations here and describing them both in detail would take up way too much space. But a quick referance to something else would still help set the scene.

      As for the senses I always say try to use two and you’ve done that here quite well. And what’s more interesting is that the first sense you start with is pain, pain seldom gets mentioned at all in most stories and it’s use here is great, although I think you could have milked it a bit by descibing it further, pain can really leave an impression on the reader.

      Then of course she sees a “”barren, white plane.” Although i think you meant a plain, not a plane, as this does change the perspective rather a lot lol. Anyway, it is a use of sight but you could have elaborated a bit.

      Overall, I like it.

      1. Charcoal Avatar
        Charcoal

        Yeah, this is my first submission ever for one of these prompts, so I was trying to lean a little less into the whole description of the sacrifice. We’ll see how far I can take that sort of thing next time, I guess!

    2. I’ve always wondered what it must be like, to have any kind of religion, and to get to the afterlife and potentially find out that what you believed your whole life was just wrong. What kind of feeling would that evoke? Would it reshape your entire worldview, though it being too late to matter? Would it give you some kind of vertigo, as things are recontextualized in ways you couldn’t imagine? Do you cling to what you believed before, even when faced with irrefutable proof that you are wrong? It is a very interesting idea and seeing it explored is really cool. I think the way her emotions and thoughts shift as she tries to believe things are ok is really cool

    3. Nice punchline. It really seals the ominous tone of the piece.

      Is the pale figure Death? It’s a welcome change from the usual skeleton in a black robe.

      It might be interesting to see what would happen if one of these betrayed souls did actually go back to tell the cultists the truth. Would they be believed? Or destroyed as a heretic?

      …human nature makes me think the latter is more likely, but I’m willing to be wrong about that 😀

    4. Beelzebubble Avatar
      Beelzebubble

      I’m fascinated by this concept as an opener to a story about this cultists growth and discovery in a completely alien afterlife. The thought that she wants to try again also made me smack my lips and say ‘awe’ because she seemed convinced beyond a doubt during that initial moment that it was her that was the source of the problem. It makes me think of what might happen to a sacrifice of a failed ritual as well as a sacrifice that was purely duped as she seems to have been.

  43. Soul salvation.

    By Galer.

    two biomechanical creatures looked at the patient, he was among the many survivors of the vessel from the Scorpio constellation, pirates attacked the spaceship, they may have wanted the ship for ransom, but due to the quick actions of the captain things didn’t go as planned, however, the pirates didn’t leave without brutally assaulting the ship in the middle of opening a wormhole.

    luckily they Jumped into Morforian space in which their biomechanical ships, hail them for rescue, however, the damage was so extensive that several people were dead, the few that survive were critically injured and the worse part some were already departing this mortal coil, their connection the soul has with their bodies was being severed, dragging along the consciousness.

    Even with their biomancy no matter how powerful, it was only capable of delaying the process not stopping it, the morforians were experts in Biomechanical magitech, but they have limits went dealing with the soul and mind. However, even with over sixty percent of his body damaged, including the brain the patient was still fighting on, giving them more time to save him.

    “How is the patient?” asked the alien nurse ” did we fix his consciousness?”

    “We are lucky that we manage to stabilize his soul connection to his body with the implants, ” said the doctor “however his mind was damaged is unlikely he will know who he was”

    The Nurse winced as his comrade answered, they successfully saved his soul but the man he once, was effectively all but dead.

    “What is a consolation is that the soul would still have some snipped of memory” the doctor continued” but like I said he is not going to be the same person he once was”

    “looks like an event with our expertise we still have our limits “the nurse soberly declared. “if only we could do more on the esoteric, level this poor man could have lived with his memories intact”

    “We saved his life,” said the doctor, putting his arm on the nurse’s shoulders in consolation, “and that’s what matters.”

  44. Sniperaxiom Avatar
    Sniperaxiom

    Where magic lies
    By Sniperaxiom

    Matthew looked out from the homemade hunting tower constructed of mismatched wooden planks. Music playing in his ears from his Walkman he leaned on the thin railing zoning out.

    His first hunting trip seemed like a bust. Matt didn’t believe any game would come their way and secretly hoped it wouldn’t.

    His grandfather leaned back in his chair with an inaudible sigh. Russ looked out through the foliage toward the tree line with a weathered countenance. Matt removed his headphones.

    “Did you say something Da?”

    Without turning to look at him, the older man said,

    “Matty shut off that music. A hunter has to be in tune with nature, not plugged into electronics.”

    Russ seemingly was aware of everything around him. Matt nodded and obediently placed his bulky device on the railing.

    Just then a white buck bounded swiftly and almost silently into the clearing.

    Russ sat up, scooped up the gun, and handed it to Matt all in one motion. The older man didn’t take his eyes off the deer.

    As his ancestors before him, Matt’s grandfather knew taking down a white buck was an incredible testament to marksmanship. Its skills and agility akin to magic, the creature was a spirit of the forest.

    Caught in the moment, Matt raised the gun and pointed it toward the buck. Behind him his grandfather breathed,

    “Cmon Matty. Alright beast, your magic won’t save you now.”

    Matty got the deer in his sights. The words his grandfather just whispered echoing in his head. They had been said with such a strange excitement.

    All the sudden the rifle felt like lead in his arms and his finger heavy on the trigger. Under his breath Matthew repeated with uncertainty,

    “Your magic won’t save you now.”

    1. Nice work. Magic in our world.

      1. Sniperaxiom Avatar
        Sniperaxiom

        Thanks! 🙂

    2. The idea that you used had a lot of potential but instead of shooting a deer you should of chose a whole new a new kind of animal that was fantasy, like a deerbear that disappeared when you tried to shoot it. You should make there be more action, so he should have to chase it down with a knife. Although I really enjoyed the way you wrote your story, it was an awesome idea.
      good job

      1. Sniperaxiom Avatar
        Sniperaxiom

        Ah thanks! That disappearing dear sounds like a sick idea :D. I was trynna leave it open to if the deer was actually killed. Matt also didn’t pull the trigger fully, I can see how it read that way tho. Just with his inexperience I don’t think mat would realistically hit any target.

    3. This story gives me a strong Princess Mononoke vibe or something similar with forest spirits and the like. But I do think the ending is what I found the most interesting, aside from the white buck and the use of a Walkman, letting you immediately know what timeline you’re working with.

      It was that I also assumed that Matt pulled the trigger, but on the second read, he clearly hadn’t. At least not by the end of the story. But after the repeating of the mantra, my mind just instinctively added a gunshot noise and filled in the blanks.

      This was a very intriguing take on the prompt, especially because the question is never answered if magic can save it lol. But the belief alone is enough to satisfy the prompt. There were a few grammar things I noticed, like ‘Da’ instead of ‘Dad’ but maybe that was on purpose. All in all a solid story idea. Well done!

      1. Sniperaxiom Avatar
        Sniperaxiom

        Thanks! But I meant to do “Da” cuz that’s what I call my grandfather XD. I can see that it did seem like the trigger was pulled to a few people so that’s sorta disappointing. I need to work on getting my points across better.

        Also what where the other grammar and spelling errors? That’s embarrassing! I always do this sadly XD.

        1. It’s tricky though. I wouldn’t even say the assumption of the gun going off is your fault. Its just one of those situations where it’s a gap the reader might fill incorrectly.

          As for grammar things, there’s nothing big. Just little things here and there:

          “Music playing in his ears from his Walkman(,) he leaned on the thin railing zoning out.”

          “All the sudden the rifle felt…”
          -this… kinda works, but ‘all of a sudden’ sounds better to my ear.

          -And there are two instances where the grandfather is said to speak and then his dialogue is in the next paragraph when it should be in the same one after the comma.

    4. There’s always something interesting about a hunter’s story, especially with a father and son. I just wish there was more to the story. Because it left me in such suspense that I’m wondering what the elusive magic of the white buck would look like, and the feelings that would follow if the son killed it or not.

      That all I got to say. Here’s a like for a good story.

  45. Demonic with hunt
    By V3RU5

    Abigail was sitting on the bench. She stared at the paintings decorating the walls of the church, depicting the final war when Beelzebub, the demon general will lead an assault against humanity, destroying the world with dark magic. Nowadays, many believed the end times were approaching.

    Abigail, or Baal as her self proclaimed followers would call her didn’t know what she was. She wasn’t human, as attested by some powers called “demonic magic” that allowed her to see and hear things, humans can’t. There even was a real possibility that she had been created by the devil, unlike humans and animals, who are creatures of God.

    The priests confirmed her to be Beelzebub, the demon general. Proved by her powers and the faith in her identity.

    “Y-you!”

    Abigail turned to see an elderly man stare at her. He stood there for a while, then clutched his chest and collapsed.

    “Spare me, General Beelzebub” He forced out between labored breaths.

    “Don’t touch me” He laboriously demanded as Abigail stepped closer

    “Someone call an ambulance!” Abigail yelled at the crowd that seemed to come out of nowhere. “Get a doctor, he’s having a heart attack!”

    No one listened to her. Everyone listened to the prayer of the priest. He was standing high on his pulpit, glaring down on Abigail with more hatred than she’s ever experienced before.

    “Your vile magic can’t help you. His soul belongs to Him.”

    Abigail watched helplessly as the old man, protected by a praying mob rasped his final breath. She couldn’t bring herself to harm people, even to save one dying man.

    There were no torches, no pitchforks, only piercing looks and fiery prayers as the mob abandoned the corps and moved for their revenge. No one prayed for Beelzebub’s soul, as she was known to have none. They were praying for themselves, for protection for their own souls from Beelzebub’s clutches.

    The priest talked down on Abigail, every single one of his words dripping with venom

    “Your vile magic cannot save you now, demon general”

    Unbeknownst to him, he was right. In a way

    1. Sanguinerus Avatar
      Sanguinerus

      You set the scene very well, lots of people forget to do this around here lol. It’s a church and the protagonist is on a bench, (not a pew though?) the pictures give the reader the impression that the church is well maintained and give a good aesthetic.

      That said, don’t forget the senses as they help the reader experience the world. Your scene setting covers what the characters see. But another sense would go a long way to immerse the reader. Sound, smell, taste, touch, hunger, pain, pleasure, thermoception, pressure. One can argue that dialogue is sound and it is, but it doesn’t count towards the environment like the whistling of the wind, the creaking of a door or perhaps the ring of the church bell.

      1. Pew is a word I didn’t know, but according to image search it’s what I described as a bench.
        (we call it “bench” when speaking English, however we don’t have any native speakers)

    2. This looks like weird culty nonsense, story-wise. Abigail has some ability and everyone says it’s the devil [because heaven forfend that girls have/do anything 9_9] and everyone just… goes with that. Including Abigail.

      Meanwhile I’m like… Why?

      Critique zone: there are a lot of misplaced punctuations here. [Including a missing full stop at the very end] Your commas have roamed far and wide into strange places. English be hard, and punctuation is difficult to wrangle.

      I would like to know what the demonic magics are. Mostly because I want to figure out how every power could be turned towards good. Just to be mean to these people.

      1. Abigail is a character, who has been hanging around in my drafts for a while now, she’s actually based on an AI powered weapon from a Hungarian scifi story. I asked myself, what would happen, if one such “weapon” got lost and instead of self destructing like a good AI, it got raised as a human, wholly unaware of it’s origins.
        Her powers would therefore be advanced weaponry, based on nanotech. (our generation’s magical future tech)

        As for Abigail’s opinion, it ended up in my “too many words” pile. She considers the Priest’s theory regarding the origins of her power, however she’s refusing to accept her destiny as the destroyer of the world

  46. Old n Gold Avatar
    Old n Gold

    Countered
    By Old n Gold

    The mage charged toward the woman with thunderous speed, his body leaving a magical trail of shining yellow behind him. He threw a punch with his whole weight, his arm straining to contain the magic within it, but the woman effortlessly sidestepped his strike. He contorted his body to morph his momentum into a low kick, but she hopped over it like a child playing with skipping rope.

    “Consolidation magic, again?” the woman asked, a sense of boredom in her voice, “don’t tell me that’s the only magic you can do.”

    The mage fell to the ground, drawing heavy breath after heavy breath, the shining yellow around him slowly fading.

    “Great,” he thought, “she’s a pathic. I hate pathics.”

    The woman gasped and held her hand to her heart in an overdramatized fashion. “Hate is such a strong word. You know, you’re only hurting yourself with that kind of attitude, especially since it only makes you easier to read.”

    The mage sighed in frustration as he stood up. He was gifted in consolidation magic, his only magic, but what use was his magically strengthened body against someone who could read his mind?

    “Why do you continue to fight against me?” he asked firmly pointing in her direction, “you are a rogue mage. I will not be the first mage after you so long as you evade the Academy, better come with me now than live the rest of your life hunted down.”

    “Well if the rest of the Academy’s enforcers are like you then I think I’ll be fine,” she laughed as he gritted his teeth. Suddenly her laughter stopped and a smile rose on her face, “I must admit, you are quite good at consolidation. I mean against me you are hopeless, but if I were anyone else, I wouldn’t be so confident.”

    Taken aback by her sudden change in attitude he blurted out, “What are you trying to say?”

    “I’m asking you to join me,” she said as if it was obvious.

    1. Charcoal Avatar
      Charcoal

      I absolutely love the descriptions of magic used in this story, and the way these characters interact is great. It’s very cool when authors write characters in a way such that you can tell exactly how they’re feeling in any given moment, without just being told outright how they’re feeling.

    2. Charlie Ford Avatar
      Charlie Ford

      This is well written and I enjoyed reading it. Your writing style is good and this story fits the outline perfectly. I like in the end how she asks him to join her even though it is made clear they are on different sides. I love how good you made the fight scene and the figurative language and detail you include. Good job!

  47. Misplaced Trust [KoshDelia Ever After]
    C. M. Weller

    Lord Ravi Supera knew his enemy. The mountain lord who had declared war on anyone keeping slaves and anyone who tried to stop him from conquering slaver neighbours to his realm.

    Allies of this enemy called him the Thrice-Sworn King. Allies of Lord Ravi knew him as the Black Warlord or, via whispers, the Crowned Assassin. Rumour had it that, if he had you in his sights, you could not stop him coming to deliver artisanal death by his own hands.

    Therefore, Lord Ravi took EXTREME precautions.

    His accommodation was a dimensionally transcendent palace that could collapse into a small box. It was coated with wards, lined with wards, and beset by diverse alarms. It was also surrounded by well-armed soldiers. It would keep everyone out except his own staff. Therefore, he relaxed with an evening tome and sent for the butler with a glass of his favourite wine.

    The butler stood ready after the presentation of the glass. Just in case he wanted a refill. “One question, my lord?”

    “Hmm?”

    The butler snapped his fingers and was the butler no more. It was that devilborn mountain lord. The crowned assassin. “How do you know I haven’t poisoned it?”

    Ravi stared into the dark reflection of his drink. “What happened to Mayberry?”

    “Nice of you to be concerned. He’s taking a holiday for his health. I interviewed him a week ago and he let me borrow his ring of passing. He doesn’t like you very much.”

    Lord Ravi suddenly recalled the Midwinterfeast incident, in which Mayberry wished to have time off to visit his wife and family. And Ravi demanded that Mayberry get a divorce. There were hundreds of other minor masters’ sins, where Mayberry was ungently discouraged from seeking his own happiness. He considered his wine.

    Was it poisoned? Was it already too late? Had Mayberry been a contributing factor to his recent digestive issues? Or was it merely his continuing concerns regarding the demonic ruler in the room?

    “I suppose,” said Ravi, “that an immediate surrender is out of the question?”

    1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      I do like the questioning of the drink. Is it safe? Have I lied in my own grave? And also the avoiding of the answer adds to the tensity. All good.

      1. I don’t even know whether the drink is poisoned XD I’ll probably go rule of funny if it comes up later.

    2. Funny, how slave owners, or even people who think slavery was a good thing don’t seem to consider how the actual slaves feel. Or even consider them human enough to grab the first opportunity to fight back.
      I like it when people, who don’t consider servants more than a piece of furniture get surprised by a servant acting human, like caring for his family. Ravi could have saved himself so easily, either by not trusting people forced into his service, or be nice enough to earn their loyalty.

      The Hungarian word for slave (rabszolga) literally means “captive servant”, as similar behaviour happens when the servant (employee in some constellations) can legally leave, however is staying for different reasons (need to feed a family/ pay rent, false sense of loyalty etc.)

      1. Even people in service industry jobs get treated like furniture that occasionally talks. I have not witnessed it, but there’s a LOT of stories regarding encounters with the type. The versus change, but the chorus remains eerily familiar, “They should be grateful that I…” yadda yaddda.

        At least Ravi’s smart enough to know that the tides have turned and might actually be smart enough to listen to and enact some firkin reforms. Time and future prompts will tell.

    3. Charcoal Avatar
      Charcoal

      The interaction between these two characters is great. The respectful hatred for eachother while still keeping their calm makes for a very interesting discussion and the ideas said discussion proposes brings up a cool moral dilemma.

      1. I wouldn’t use “calm” to describe the mood. More like…

        Kosh: Surprise, motherfu–
        Ravi: Oh shit am I dead?

        Nevertheless, remaining civil in unpredictable circumstances is part of nobility training in my world.

    4. “Artisanal death” XD XD XD XD

      Honestly, much like in my story, the build up of all his defenses knowing, by virtue of the prompt, that they’re all going to fail is delightful. That said, the reveal that Kosh got past them because the butler gave him the key is kind of anti-climactic. The backstory on WHY really made up for that though.

      1. The other alternative was replacing a janitor, which is kind of cliche. I thought it was funny that the butler actually did it.

    5. The Missing Link Avatar
      The Missing Link

      How did you get all the way here?
      You let your guard down.
      This is a fun little turnaround, setting up this big villain for them to turn out to actually be the good guy. It is a kinda underused flaw for a perspective character, so it’s nice to see.

      1. Someone’s hero is someone else’s villain. I love turning that around from time to time. Trips up the expectations.

        Plus someone like Kosh is going to get a reputation no matter what he does, and some nicknames to go with it. “Crowned Assassin” is kind of cool though.

    6. “It’s what you deserve Space Bezos!”

      Yep! That’s what you get for treating your workers like expendable, replaceable, feable, moldable, possessions that you buy and sell. Drink your own coercive koolaid. Do you like it? It’s GRAPE. Everybody loves GRAPE. Get GRAPED.

      Mayberry did the right thing, and left the premises with a skip in his step and stitches in his side for laughing too hard. Especially since the mahnates power was humiliated by something greater than themselves. Which is always satisfying.

      Have a like. Don’t worry, it’s safe.🙂

      1. More like Fantasy Bezos, but same principal.

        I love the idea of paranoid oligarchs being brought down by the people they tend to ignore. Very poetic justice there XD

    7. Calliope Rannis Avatar
      Calliope Rannis

      Well, I am very glad to have finally gotten round to reading this story! As always, it is very satisfying to see Kosh screw up an asshole noble in a very smart and polite way. And it is also is interesting to see what a truly distant ruler’s perspective is on Kosh’s title and nature – ‘The Black Warlord’ is almost on the nose with how evil-painty it presents him.
      But ‘The Crowned Assassin’ is the real name of note here. Because, it’s one thing to be a king who’s reputation is based on the strength of their army and/or tactics, or perhaps on their finacial strength or ability to manipulate those around them – but it’s quite another to have your scary reputation be “I will come over to your castle *by myself* and deal with you personally.”, because that’s just something you straight up don’t expect to be in *any* King’s skillset, yet alone to a significant enough degree for such a plan to WORK. But of course, Kosh is no ordinary king…

      I did adore the excessive layer cake of security measures Ravi created for himself, only for all this security to fall for the same weakness that they all have – the human(oid) element. XD Especially when these are slaver kings we are talking about, who are especially used to treating their servants like shit, and so are especially vulnerable for expoits exactly like this one. Also, I have to appreciate this ‘the Butler did it’ reveal just in general as well. Not to mention the very frank and perhaps overly hopeful offer of an immediate surrender at the end too.

      Overall, a very fun and cathartic story to read! Very well done Internutter! ^w^

      1. Kosh has a moral obligation against spending people’s lives on something as stupid as war. He goes straight for the dillhole who started it and is co-incidentally the one who gives all the orders to attack.

        And he was trained in martial arts that include assassination in their particular gamut of skills. So why not use what he has to cut everything short? Including the life of an asshole.

        The human(oid) element is always the fatal flaw XD

  48. Tamela Redfin Avatar
    Tamela Redfin

    In the eyes of the beholder
    By Tamela Redfin

    Cw: Domestic Abuse

    “What did you do to Violet’s eyes!” Cora screamed at her boyfriend.

    “Simple, I made them black to cover your tracks. Or do you want the tabloids to say ‘It’s just in! Sulfur Cora is a promiscuous wh-”

    “No! Of course I don’t, Augen. But, Violet. She’s too young.”

    Feldspar grabbed Cora’s throat, “Too young? Too young! No one is too young for science.”

    “Well, I’m her mother. I can decide-” she then screamed as Feldspar pushed her to the ground.

    “You decide nothing! Remember who put your foot in the door or made you president of Western Rolt? That was me!”

    She summoned a flame from her hand and tried to burn him.

    “My outfit is flame retardant, you imbecile!”

    “Your skin isn’t!” But then his exposed skin turned to stone.

    “Try to burn me now! Also this is the truth. If I didn’t love you, nobody else would.” He smirked, ready to lower his stone fists onto her skull.

    “Dad, stop it!” Cora looked to see Engel standing there, teary eyed and shaking.

    “Engel, what are you doing!?”

    Engel said nothing but dragged Cora away. “Mum, are you ok? How long has he been doing this?”

    “My little Engel, he’s not abusive. He is just trying to protect your ha- sister. He just gets angry sometimes, dear.”

    “First off, I know he’s not Violet’s dad, and he almost KILLED YOU!” She tightly hugged Cora. “You need help. And your fire can’t save you, but I can.”

    Cora slowly got up, looking at her arms and legs, sure they’d be bruised. She trudged to the bassinet where her youngest daughter lay, and looked into her now onyx colored eyes.

    “I’m so sorry, Vi. I promise you someday, you will see your eyes once more.”

    Violet of course, said nothing, but Cora wondered if she understood regardless.

    1. I like how the protagonist insists that her husband isn’t abusive. I wonder if it was meant as her making excuses for him (as many abuse victims are blamed for doing) or if she genuinely believes that she deserves every one of her bruises. (as is often the case).

      Also, I know from experience that even if someone calls your loved one abusive, it’s incredibly difficult to accept it. You just can’t tell if what hurt you was a genuine but misguided attempt to help you, (like a mother yelling at her child, believing that will improve their grades) or plain abuse (use the bad grades as an excuse to yell at their child for fun)

      1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
        Tamela Redfin

        Since she was 16, (yes, he did do that) he wrapped her under his wing. Now she tries to tell herself that it’s her fault if something goes wrong, so deserves all the pain. I could her see saying to herself in between tears, “I shouldn’t have made him angry. I must lay in my grave.”

        I think it take a little more to save from Augen’s grip, but I think Cora might start to see that she deserves better and that he’s lying to her when he says he’s the only one who loves her.

    2. While I agree that nobody is too young for science, the METHODS shown here are entirely repugnant.

      You’re supposed to show babies cool phenomenon like surface tension [bubbles] refraction [rainbow prisms] and specific density [bubble dropper timer deelios] _NOT_ genetic augmentation or cosmetic surgery or whatever the flakk this was.

      Obviously, there are not Child Protection Services in this world.

      There SHOULD be.

    3. Jsyk, your content warning is counting towards your word count where it is.

      Has Cora always been able to use magic? Or is this more a “magical science” genetic mutation thing, like the X-Men etc.? Cause I’ve know Augen can turn into stone, But that always struck me as a “Nanomachines son!” thing.

      Anyway. The rest of this story is more of Augen being a horrible creature. But it shows some actual caring from Cora which is a nice change.

      1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
        Tamela Redfin

        So about that. Each person in this setting is based off an element, so yes, her fire powers do come naturally as do others in the setting. So kinda X-Men with an ALTA (as they fall into five catergories of Water, Fire, Earth, Air and Energy) and elemental inspired twist.

        EG radon is invisible and odorless and flavorless. Cecilia (based off radon) can turn invisible. Tin crackles when broken and Gilbert has sonic scream, etc.

        Hope that helps.

  49. Skeleton Avatar
    Skeleton

    Vicious Vixens (The Will)
    By Skeleton (Edited by MelodyLuna7)

    “Five against two ain’t bad odds in my book—especially with these babies!” The bandit captain laughed as he and his cronies affixed the ornate, wooden plaques to their upper arms. “That magic of yours won’t save you now, Witch, now that it serves us, too!”

    Zaila took a step between Remianna and the men, raising her claws up to fight. She had to buy the mage enough time to retreat and get her colleagues, but five-on-one odds wasn’t something she was ready for yet.

    Despite the dire threat on their lives, the White Witch began to giggle with a shake of her head. “Magic?” the dragoness began to tease, gently bringing the young girl back behind her. “Oh, please do give us a demonstration of this magic you speak so highly of.”

    “You asked for it!” the wulack commander sneered as he reeled back his fist, thrusting it forwards towards the dragonesses.

    Zaila flinched, but not much else happened.

    The robbers’ overconfidence broke once they realize their inability to work said device, beginning to glance towards their leader anxiously. “C’mon… work damn it!” the leader seethed as the punched the air again and again in hopes that the magic would manifest itself.

    “That Crystalline Reinforced Essence Stability Transmuter isn’t a toy, you know,” the White Witch continued to tease; moving forwards towards the men slowly with her hips and tail swaying entrancingly. “Those prototypes can drain their user’s life essence completely.” The bandit’s eyes immediately stopped ogling the radiant scales on her legs and filled with fear. “I hear essence sickness isn’t a very pleasant way to die.”

    “Then we’ll kill you the good, ol’ fashioned way!” the wulack man gloated maliciously as he and his men reached for their swords.

    “Please,” Remianna scoffed. “You’re about as proficient with those deathtraps as you are with those things on your hips.”

    The White Witch raised her arm, the multiple gemstones in her ivory C.R.E.S.T. beginning to glow with colourless life essence. “But if you insist…” she began with a wink, several claws of stone rising from the dirt.

    “Let’s dance.”

    1. I will admit, I had a lot of fun reading this. Very few things are more satisfying than watching a bunch of people feeling so dead-sure of their own superiority, only to be knocked down by their own thoughtlessness. Remianna’s smug smile was very easy to picture.

      It was a nice twist on the prompt as well, making it seem like it was Zaila’s and her companions’ magic that would fail them, while in truth, it was the bandits’ magic that couldn’t save them. Partly because they don’t know how to use it.

      Nicely done!

    2. Sanguinerus Avatar
      Sanguinerus

      Alright, good use of the prompt. My critiques always go be to the same thing. Descriptions colour the world. Don’t forget the senses, and try to use at least two. I have no idea where they are, in the desert? the forest? a field? a bustling port town? Just a few words can really bring the scene to life.

      (Though I’m a total hypocrite this week, my protagonist is in a dark void, but I still mention the protagonist “looks akance” at the void and that the air is “cold” refering to thermoception, two sences covered).

  50. Oh Sure, I’ve Heard THAT One Before…
    By Marx (CW: Horror)

    “You can teach me magic?” Murphy asked wide-eyed.

    Cassie chuckled softly. “Normal humans can learn magic. And you’ve clearly got some incubus blood in you.”

    Murphy’s face fell. “Not nearly enough to matter…”

    Cassie closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “Oh… trust me. It’s there…”

    “Are you… sniffing me?”

    “I just… need to get used to it.” Her eyes opened with an ominous red glow as she smiled back coyly.

    Murphy immediately looked away. “I’ll… take your word on that…”

    “Don’t worry. I have enough magic for the both of us. I’ll protect you.”

    ***

    Murphy curled into the tightest ball he could manage and tried to cut himself off from his senses.

    His closed eyes only made it worse. He could still feel the blood pooling around him and Lord knows he could smell it. And he could hear the wet crunching noises as Cassie’s fading voice apologized for failing him, pleading for him not to run.

    As if he’d be able to outrun that thing if he tried. Besides, it was night. Demons were so much worse during the night and if he started sweating in the open air…

    You only make that mistake once.

    He’d just been lucky Cassie got him away that time.

    The crunching stopped. It was eerily quiet now as he could feel its eyes staring at him.

    “There there, pretty boy. Don’t be afraid. I won’t hurt you.”

    Murphy forced his eyes open. She looked human. She looked beautiful. He knew that both were lies. Still, he pasted a smile on his face. “…hi. I’m Murphy.”

    Despite her recent meal, her eyes were still wide in hunger, but the smile that spread across her lips was almost sweet. “Hi Murphy! I’m Nisha. It’s so nice to meet you. You… smell REALLY good…”

    Even though Murphy screamed inside, he willed himself to keep smiling. “Thank you. You’re really pretty.”

    “That’s so sweet.” Nisha licked her lips, slowly approaching him. “So… very sweet…”

    “…please don’t eat me…”

    Nisha smiled so widely it became uncomfortable to watch. “Silly boy. I’ll never eat you. I’ll protect you.”

    1. I can see somewhat of a cyclical theme in this story. First, Murphy is taken under the wing of Cassie, only for her to be replaced by Nisha, after she (I presume) dies. The only difference here is that Cassie seemed to actually like Muphy. Nisha is harder to read, but her entrance suggests a much more menacing reason to her purpose.

      Staying with the theme of cycles, I can almost picture Nisha dying in an attempt to protect Murphy, like Cassie. Either that or this is some kind of twisted mirror version of Cassie’s relationship with him. Whichever it ends up being, I am suitably worried for Murphy.

      Well written!

      1. Lol this is very much designed to be simultaneously a cycle as well as a dark reflection so you’re right on both counts. Also yes, Cassie is VERY dead by the end of this story.

        I am very glad that Nisha’s motives come across ambiguous but sinister because that was very much what I was going for. Interestingly enough Nisha has very similar motives to Cassie. The difference is that Cassie has been on Earth for awhile and has acclimated to humanity whereas Nisha is fresh out of Hell, so… not so acclimated.

    2. Sniperaxiom Avatar
      Sniperaxiom

      I really like this story, it leaves me with a lot of questions though. Not that it’s a bad thing! That huge question at the end of Nisha’s intentions is so ominous. Imagine how poor Murphy felt!

      It was a very smart move to do a jump between the two scenes. It avoided a lot of awkward exposition. Anyways, nicely done!

      Accidentally replied to the wrong person :.D

      1. Thank you so much! There is so much background information needed to make complete sense of everything lol. But that said, I’m really glad that without that info its still enjoyable and intriguing instead of confusing.

        And I fully agree with the time skip thing. My words were stretched to the limit as it was without dealing with any more exposition than necessary.

    3. I don’t remember the names, but this scenario is VERY familiar. Is Murphy a returning character? Are either of the demons?

      The one thing I’m not clear on is if Cassie was apologising and asking him not to run WHILE she was being killed/eaten or if that was before she… lost.

      What I really like about this is that not only will magic not SAVE him, it’s actively causing his problems.

      Did Cassie ever get to teach him anything?

      1. Lol! Well the word “sandwich” will probably jog your memory about why Murphy and Nisha sound familiar. It has only been on other story though so the TF lore isn’t quite that rich yet.

        And Cassie was definitely in the middle of being eaten while she was apologizing and all.

        As for what she taught him, at that point it would have probably only been concepts and general knowledge. Lol not everyone catches on as quick as Matt.

    4. The Missing Link Avatar
      The Missing Link

      That last line throws a lot of things into question, but Murphy clearly has some very powerful sweat. Could it be a second succubus attracted to the incubus blood in him as he goes through a never ending cycle of mentors and companions as they all try to kill each other, or just the simple answer that she’s trying to keep his death painless.

      1. Well Nisha definitely isn’t a succubus, but she does intend to keep Murphy safe. If she does kill him, it would be accidental. Which does in fact continue something of a cycle of companions/mentors that are all trying to kill each other to get to him.

    5. “Welp! Guess I’ll roll with this.”

      It’s nice getting the backstory of the guy who probably ate a human sandwich and the monster girl who’s either horny or hungry for him. She satisfied one appetite after snapping Cassie into a slim jim, breaking off a bit of her kitkat bar, and snap-crackle-popped her into a bowl of blood crispies. Now there’s the other hunger to satisfy and I’m horrified for my boy’s safety. Even though, in the future, I’ll blame him for not being specific with his grocery list and making the monster girl cry.

      Even though the cw said horror, I found it a tad comedic with Murphy’s reaction and destined future of a complicated relationship.

      But you know what’s not complicated, or eviscerated into shredded cheese? This like I’m giving you. 👍 Have a good time!

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