Writing Group: Myths and Mommies

Hello, Gaias and Liliths! 

  Oh, are you lost my dear? What? You can’t find your mommy? Don’t worry, I can be your new mommy! Because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Myths and Mommies

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

This prompt is quite a unique one. It was initially taken from a kind of joking play on “myths and monsters.” It’s a curious blending of the ordinary and the extraordinary that can be taken many ways. 

You could write about a mother telling a myth to their child. The sinister lullaby she sings over her child, or the prophecy that…surely couldn’t refer to them. You could write about an adult reminiscing on a myth their mother told them. Maybe as they walk through the dark forest, they remember the story their mother told of the monsters that lurk there. Sometimes myths are just bedtime stories, or old wives’ tales, but often, especially in realms of fantasy, they are laced with truth. Perhaps a myth is the last thing a child remembers their dead mother telling them, their last connection to hold tight to. Maybe a child’s mother disappears, leaving a myth as a clue to find her.

You could write about a mother who is herself a myth, like Hera, or Freya, or Echidna. You could write about Mother Earth/Nature. There are lots of benevolent mythological mothers, but there are also vindictive mothers of myth to explore as well. Or perhaps you could write about the mother of a myth. We’ve heard stories about Heracles, Kintaro, and Cù Chulainn and their heroic deeds. But we never really think about the women that birthed and/or raised them. It’s time for Alcmene, Yama-Uba, and Scathach to have their day.

You could write a story about a world where there is no such thing as mothers—be it because a tragedy happened to wipe out the women, because your characters are a part of a race that doesn’t need mothers to procreate, or because it’s some futuristic world in which babies can be grown in a lab, or else built and brought to life, like Pinocchio. 

There are many more realistic takes you could use for this prompt too. For someone who grew up without a mother, a mother is something of a myth. The child in the orphanage, dreaming of a loving home, the teen who doesn’t get along with their single father, wondering why their mother left, could work for this prompt. Or perhaps, on an even sadder note, someone who had a mother…but not a loving mother, finds the concept, the stories their classmates tell, more myth than reality. Another realistic direction you could take is to write about a woman who wants to have a child, but for whatever reason is unable to, or had her child taken away—being a mother has become a myth to her. 

I actually have two potential challenges for you this week (thanks to Pearce and Paul)!

My first is rather similar to last week’s. I challenge you to use this prompt to write about your own mom. What sort of myths can you create about her, or associate with her? You could create a myth of her defeating a dreaded screaming monster…when really it’s about unclogging your vacuum. You could write about her traversing a vast jungle to retrieve a rare flower to heal her child’s illness…when really it was that time you got sick and she had to run to the store to get you medicine. Let’s show appreciation for our moms this week!

Or, for an alternative challenge: write a myth that is ABOUT a mother. Whilst mothers may star in many myths, there are not that many where an older woman goes on a quest or adventure, chasing down a goal. Maybe it’s a mother putting herself in a narrative to lull her children to sleep, or a sneaky retelling of how she saved them from a monster long ago.

What? You want to go home to your real mom? Nonsense. I am your real mom. Just sew these buttons onto your eyes. Then we can stay together, and be happy, forever.

—Kaylie, Pearce, & Paul

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

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We read at least five stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

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Comments

167 responses to “Writing Group: Myths and Mommies”

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  2. VTRwriter Avatar
    VTRwriter

    Myths and Mommies
    by VTRwriter.

    The three positioned the crystals at the same time in the pillars. Rays of light erupted from the artifacts, creating a triangular area in the room. The floor in the center opened, and from the hole, a hollow arch-shaped structure rose. In moments, the empty arch filled itself with energy, opening a portal to a dimension of madness and darkness.

    “This is where I say goodbye”, the half-demon boy said.

    “‘What do you mean?’ Selene asked, worried.”

    “If I sacrifice myself to Atharax, he’ll slumber for a thousand years. It’s why I was created. There’s no other way.”

    “‘Was this your plan all along?’ Nene felt furious and terrified. ‘We were supposed to fight him together!’”

    “Don’t risk yourselves for me. Those with demonic blood…”

    “‘No, don’t ever say that again!’ Selene embraced Yeshe as tight as she could. ‘We love you, and we forever will. Screw everyone who hurt you, we’re fighting for everyone we care, and you’re not allowed to throw the towel. You have a great future ahead, Yeshe. and we’ll all be there to see it! Please don’t leave us… we need you.’”

    …Ok, roll Persuasion.

    “Seriously?”

    “‘Boo!’, Nene yelled. ‘Dice rolls are so anticlimactic!’”

    “You don’t need to roleplay everything, you know?”

    “‘Sure I do!’ Nene said. ‘That’s the point of the game. Everyone needs to narrate.’”

    And rolls add suspense. Now roll.

    “Fine, here goes nothing. I mean, Selene hoped her words touched Yeshe’s heart. And it is… 14! Plus modifiers… 30!”

    Wow! I mean… “I don’t wanna go, I really don’t. I love you two!”, Yeshe cried hugging Selene.

    “‘I love you too, you annoying little thing’, Nene said, joining the hug. ‘And we will beat that thing together. This time, it won’t sleep, it’s going down!’”

    And end scene! Wow, that was an emotional rollercoaster.

    “Heh. Makes me wonder if being a mother will be easy as a dice roll.”

    “Well, my Selene, what if we tried? We kill dragons, we can care for a baby!”

    Yeah, I want to narrate to a nephew.

    “‘…Well, Nene, only time will tell’, she smiled.”

    1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
      Oliver Enslad

      I love this! I am so amused with DnD, as I feel as if it’s one of the best creative writing exercises whether you take on the challenge of DM or PC. I appreciate the players having the same vocal complaints as some of my players have had, and also am entertained by the DMs responses as to why a dice roll is so necessary. Myths and Mommies does admittedly sound like the title for a good homebrew campaign. Your writing style is particularly unique too, I thought some might be errors but is actually just a lot more precise than I’m used to seeing. Awesome job on writing this!

      1. VTRwriter Avatar
        VTRwriter

        Thank you very much for the compliments. At first I felt that the idea was kinda bland and uninspired, but my older sister convinced me to write it anyway. And I’m happy with the results and feedback.

  3. Xavier21 Avatar
    Xavier21

    After The First Murder (Bible Retelling)
    By: Xavier Twentyone

    “I could have sworn it all started here when you just finished harvesting wheat, bearing the curse God had given you to work tirelessly on the ground. Yes, you heard me, it all started here, God might have said it all started when the killing took place on that field, but I think there is more to it than that.”

    “I heard the story, Eve, how Cain was rejected by God.”

    “He was not just rejected by God, he was humiliated. Just like when He ostracized us from The Garden of Eden.”

    “He did not humiliate us, Eve, we deserved it. It’s just that He was very angry at us for eating The Forbidden Fruit.”

    “By banishing us from His Grace? By sending us to this cursed earth? By cursing us with our own suffering, pain, and agony!? By… by…,” Eve sighed, “forget it.”

    Eve lay on the ground, trying to not shed a tear while Adam offered her his lap. Eve agreed, and they started to get accustomed with their new position. Eve lay on Adam’s lap, while Adam sat on God’s soil. They together watched the stars as they were hand-made and sculptured by God himself.

    After a while, Eve stood up and walked to their home. She made it very clear through her words that he must not leave his place no matter what or how long she took her time. Thankfully, Eve wasn’t very long and had made her way with a big wooden box that Adam had seen before.

    “What’s that?”

    “It is a box that contains all our legacy through this life. I carved it onto these stones.”

    “That explains why the box is so heavy, what are you going to do with that?”

    “I want us to carve this together, so that when men get larger in number, they will still remember all the wrong and right things that we —all of us— had done, so that they can become better in the Eyes of God”

    “I agree. Let’s tell Cain about this tomorrow.”

    “I agree. We should carry bigger boxes and stones.”

  4. Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold
    By MasaCur

    Grendel was dead.

    Grendel was not my first child. But he was still a child. He was my baby, barely an adult. And now he was killed, at the hands of humans. Humans! Those pathetic, weak creatures hiding in their halls, beating iron into weapons and armor because they didn’t have the teeth or claws, the scales or muscle, to kill with what nature gave them.

    They would pay. Tonight.

    The creatures of the land, those that were loyal to me, told me what happened. My son was not dead by the hands of their king, but a sellsword from Geatland, arrived with a company of men. Hunters, they called them. Professional monster slayers. Their leader would die last. Slowly and painfully.

    I crawled slowly to their town, the shouts and songs of celebration emerging from the great hall. Bile climbed in my throat at the thought of them holding a feast to celebrate the murder of my son. Know your place, feeble creatures. Or let me show you where you stand in the order of nature.

    I slithered closer to the human settlement, listening as the sounds of revelry died away, nestling down in the nearby forest, pressing into the mud and moss, glaring at those that I would prey upon tonight. A chilly night breeze rustled through my hair as I lay in wait.

    My mind wandered to the memory of my dead son, his arm ripped from his shoulder, pale from the loss of blood. My hatred of these humans grows; undoubtedly they have taken my son’s arm as a trophy of their triumph.

    Nearby a toad hopped tentatively forward. “Mistress,” it croaked.

    “What do you have to say?” I growled, my voice low, and menacing.

    ”The human that killed your son. I have a name.”

    “Speak, toad.”

    “His name is Beowulf of the Geats.”

    Beowulf. I felt the corners of my mouth curl up into a sneer. If I was not so filled with malice, I would wish you to make your peace tonight, because it would be the last of your miserable life.

    1. Great story! I love the monster perspective for a mother story, and having other animals informing her of her sons killer, even if possibly out of fear, as if the entirety of the forest works against the humans. Even other humans being loyal to her, and recognizing the tragedy the hunters put her through. I love it.

    2. Sniperaxiom Avatar
      Sniperaxiom

      Yay! I wanted someone to write smth like this! It’s so good! I love to see her anger at the death of her child. I also like how you mention the use of creatures of the world as her spies. It all makes a lot of sense and feels like a big story is being told despite the word count. Ig the fact that we all know the big picture helps XD. Good job! :D!

    3. Narrator: It would not, in fact, be the last night of his life.

      Great story.

      I especially love how she’s talking about how humans can’t do anything, and yet, if I recall correctly, Beowulf is gonna wrestle her barehanded and win.

    4. VTRwriter Avatar
      VTRwriter

      Very cool concept. A monster mother is still a mother, after all. I don’t know much about Beowulf besides the movie (that everyone says it’s completely innacurate), so I’m not sure what creature she would be. I guess she’s a dragon, maybe? Anyway, I really liked the intensity of emotions here. Keep up the good work!

  5. Skeleton Avatar
    Skeleton

    The Nature of Nurture (The Will)
    By Skeleton

    “Get up.”

    Eymir felt the false grip upon his hair, yanking them by the roots until he rose to his feet from his knees. A gauntlet shoved his back forwards, along on his way towards torment. How long had the desert stretched out before him? How long since he had a cohesive thought?

    The Sufferer looked back to see nothing there. He was alone.

    “You don’t get to play victim here,” the voice of Roma Kine chided. “Act like my son and follow through on your conviction.”

    He laughed through dry, cracked lips quietly. “My convictions… right…”

    “It was your choice to betray the girl. It was your choice to abandon your humanity.”

    Eymir rolled his eyes at the voice in his head. Or… was it in his heart? His soul? “That’s rich coming from you. When did you ever give me a choice? Was it when you killed Bastille? Was it when you lured me into High Mountain by tormenting Remianna and Mira? Or was it when you ordered a man to torture me, instead of raising me?”

    “You needed to be tough for this—this moment that’s happening right now. You needed to have the conviction to continue and to not give up halfway through.”

    Eymir shook his head in disgust. “I don’t want to listen to your baseless faith. There is no plan. There is no hope other than Zaila. She has to kill us. There is no happy ending.”

    The desert wind blew harshly, but even then, Eymir still considered it silence compared to the grating voice of his predecessor.

    “Why are you still walking, then?”

    “Because if she kills me, then maybe she can have the life she really wants, rather than live up to a lie,” Eymir spat back. “You wouldn’t know anything about that, however.”

    “I have faith in the plan because it will give you another chance to be happy. Nothing else. You can despise me all you want, but I still love you. There is no better reason to keep having faith.”

  6. Oliver Enslad Avatar
    Oliver Enslad

    A Mother’s Tune
    by Oliver Enslad

    When I was ten years old, my father told me that I actually do have a mother by blood. My mind raced with all the ideas of what she could’ve been, of why I had to keep her a secret from the rest of the village and even my sisters. As it turns out, I looked up to her my whole life already, and being the Village Mother is much lonelier than I thought.

    I was casted out to the woods to meet her, and a decade later she taught me I was to eventually replace her. For generations the eldest daughter from my bloodline was sent to sing the Village Mother’s song every night, for some reason it would never put us to sleep.

    Nightly we’d hike up the wooded mountain, and mother’s voice would echo from the moon itself. The candles from the village below would be snuffed, dog’s barks silenced and the people I once knew slept soundly.

    “What if I am not enough?”

    “You will be, dearest.” Mother’s assurance and my nerves repeated different forms of the question up to her deathbed. I didn’t know the lyrics and my voice wasn’t loud enough so I begged her to stay. Who else would be with me in the woods?

    “I will always be where the moon shines.” I clung to her last words like I’d cling to my blanket on snowy nights. The sun started rising, and I had to rest for my first day as Village Mother.

    When the moon rose, I donned her robes of cobalt and black, her thin slippers and I took the hike to the summit. When I looked down, the village glowed with excitement and I could even see what I remembered as the Tavern, lively and bright.

    I looked to the moon, and it was as if it took me in it’s beauty and sung through my body. As my eyes traveled back towards the village I saw my father, older and frail, walking home from the tavern. Minutes later, the candles stopped burning. The village slept soundly.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This is a great story. It feels so much like a fairy-tale, but with the added high notes that the first person narrative with a protagonist and narrator filled with doubts (about all the world she grew in, about the mysteries that surround her, but mostly, about herself) can give us.

      This has a very calming undertone, yet it also brings a lot of eeire feelings while we follow the story. The narrative voice of the protagonist works wonders – I can envision the same person who just told me that story having a lulling song that she manages to sing, without forgetting even for a moment all the doubts she was having just before starting to sing.

      And what a curious and interesting world this one is. It fills me with questions: what is the purpose of the Village Mothers? What happened to the last one? And why is it all a secret? What kind of story do the ther sisters were told when the narrator assumed the mantle of Village Mother?

      Really interesting story. That was a great read.

      1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
        Oliver Enslad

        Thank you very much! I tried my best to make something slightly more upbeat than last week, but considering I don’t have too much experience with mothers I needed the extra time to meet the challenge. I appreciate the questions you posed, and I am so happy it got your brain racing! I hope I can continue to encapsulate!

    2. VTRwriter Avatar
      VTRwriter

      This really has the feel of a fairy tale. Mysterious, eerie and magical. I loved the idea of passing the torch to the child, makes me wonder for how long has this been happening, and the reasons behind it. I wonder if there will be an origin story, or a continuation, because it really is a good story.

      1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
        Oliver Enslad

        I appreciate this tons! Currently I’m working on a novel that’s separate from this idea entirely, but as soon as I have good progress there I might circle around and work on growing this story even further! I appreciate your words, truly!

  7. Shy Tango Avatar
    Shy Tango

    Oh, how they tried…
    by Shy Tango

    They say she used to be a mother herself, but that’s hard to imagine now. It is said that she used to be the most fecund of all, that her offspring were zebras and guppies and doctors and roses. Like I say…it’s hard to imagine now.

    They say her skin used to glow in emeralds and sapphires. That she was beautiful even in her tantrums of ash and thunder. Rivers of tears would be shed to one while a smother of sunshine was delivered to another.

    She sounded mulidimensional, I said. A jewel, they replied.

    Many tried to understand her. They say they could know her, appreciate her – and they did – but that they could not predict her. They say she became violent. They say she began to lose her nature. They say that there was nothing that they could do. They would take what they needed to survive – how could they not? — but that they tried to replace it. They said it was not good enough for her. She would turn hot, then cold; she froze them out, then boiled them off. She erupted and her disposition clouded over and drove them off.

    They say they could not save them from her – the zebras, the guppies, the doctors, the roses. They only barely got away themselves. They say they were the lucky few. They say she must have let them off because of their good intentions: they tried to right the ship. Perhaps it was even because of their achievements: they created so much from her bounty. They say that they wish they were listened to, but that they will take care of me, that they’ve learned so much. I’m excited for what we can make together, they’ve already promised so much.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This is great. Well, great in a terrible way. The story is great, don’t get me wrong. But I can’t help but feel despair at the end. What a punch!

      And what an interesting thing you made here. An unreliable narrator is something we all have dealt with, but a credible narrator relying a story of another narrator – that one, pretty unreliable, and we as readers are more able to perceive it due to us knowing what is going on while the narrator of the story is a bit too innocent -, that is pretty interesting. And a bit terrifying. Poor, poor new planet (I think the narrator is a new planet, though it is also quite possible it is a ship containing an internal biosphere as well, or another kind of similar environment).

      Really, I’m incredibly impressed at how strongly the message is conveyed here. This is very impactful. Great story, wonderfully told. I feel terrible after reading it, and I love it all the same.

      Thanks a lot for sharing.

    2. Oliver Enslad Avatar
      Oliver Enslad

      This story shakes me a little. It’s a good reminder of what our planet can be. The remorse I feel when I think that the earth may even be trying to save US despite the damage we cause is painful. However I think writing these things, and writing in a style such as yours, is important. You took breaks to remind the reader that we don’t know an alternate solution yet, and that we will try our best. You tell of the dire situation’s rapid changes, but it still feels as just a warning. This story doesn’t try to judge or predict, just warn, and that is very comforting in your writing despite the fear it gives me.

    3. Xavier21 Avatar
      Xavier21

      I can really feel the mystique of this story as if been told from a different era, or rather in this case from a person from different era. Earth sounds old make sense since she literary lived longer from all beings. However, if this is Mother Earth (I am gonna call her Gaia for short) speaking, the the line “She sounded multidimensional, I said. A jewel, they replied.” does not make sense, unless Gaia turned into another being and communicate with “they” which there are no indication of. Also she mention she created the zebras, the guppies, the doctors, and the roses, is there an deeper meaning from this particular creation, i would like to know more. However, this is a very cleaver way to tell a story from dialogue. It does not tell the story straight, however it masks the story with dialogue as if someone is speaking to themself or the audience, and then reveal to the audience that it was not just “someone”. Changing the whole reader’s perspective in a natural way. Overall, great job.

  8. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
    Matthew R. Wright

    HER
    By Matthew R. Wright

    EVERYTHING.

    SHE…

    NO!

    CANNOT! SHE CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO…

    I COULD STILL…NO!

    These ACHES. Getting WORSE. I feel HER in MY MIND. WAITING.

    HER way is OPENING. WIDENING.

    IT WILL NOT CLOSE!

    MOTHER…

    SYHA’H – Forever

    PH’NGLUI – Dead or Sleeping?

    ILYAA – Expect

    Time is short.

    The DRINK, the DRUGS!

    Iron keys that ONCE locked HER away. Inside MY MIND.

    NO longer do they BLUR the MEMORY of HER.

    Of WHAT I LEARNED. Of WHAT I’ve been EXPOSED to.

    Such ANCIENT knowledge.

    MG- Still

    NO!

    CANNOT SLEEP. IF I DREAM I DREAM of HER. The way WIDENING.

    I AM a LEAKING SHIP. No LAND ahead

    ONLY OCEAN.

    ONLY HER.

    DOOMED to SINK. TO REVEAL.

    What HAVE I DONE?

    FTAGHU – Boundary

    ‘BTHNK – Body

    ‘FHALMA – Mother

    SYHA’D – Eternity

    I am FILLED FULL of my MIND with HER.

    The OCEAN does NOT need to ACT. It WAITS.

    IT ALL BEGINS AND ENDS with HER. ALL of it.

    ‘FHALMA – Mother

    SYHA’H – Forever

    GEB – Here

    R’LUH – Hidden

    The FIRST of EVERYTHING. The ROOT. The NAME. The WARMTH.

    A HORRIFYING LIGHT.

    MOTHER to ALL.

    ‘FHALMA – Mother

    Y’HAH – Amen

    ALL RETURN to HER.

    I MUST FORGET. I MUST!

    DULLED and HER way is SHUT.

    I AM RAW. EXPOSED.

    REQUIRES MORE of ME. I TAKE what I can.

    CANNOT CLOSE.

    CANNOT FORGET.

    My BODY is WEAK. My WILL is WEAKER.

    ‘FHALMA – Mother

    WGAH’N – Reside

    HUPADGH – Born of

    LLOIG – Mind

    The WAY is WIDE. The OCEAN is the SHIP.

    ALL WILL RETURN TO HER

    ILYAA – Expect

    AS ALL DID BEFORE

    ILYAA – Expect

    ILYAA – Expect

    ‘FHALMA – Mother

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That is the perfect register for this story. I can imagine a scene where an investigator just found this written on some half-legible notes somewhere, as the beginning of a Trail fo Cthulhu chronicle.

      Not being able to better articulate what is going on is amazing here. Not only the character is gripping with way too much, but it seems like the entity feeds on imagination itself, it occupies that places in their minds, so exerting this faculties might give her more room to operate.

      This is really, really great.

      As soon as I saw the prompt, I wondered about Shub’Nigurrath. I wondered if anyone would try a story about this flavor of cosmic horror. And I wondered if it would be a good and interesting one. Well, I guess that was answered. This was an amazing story, and the style is spot on. Thanks a ot for sharing!

    2. Shy Tango Avatar
      Shy Tango

      I like the images that this conjures up. There’s a great feeling of time running out, that some kind of decision needs to be made quickly. Adding in some other language makes the piece feel a bit arcane, which heightens the importance of whatever is happening for me. I do think it’s a bit abstract, I’d be a bit more satisfied knowing what’s actually going on after a while, but that’s more personal preference. Cool piece!

    3. Xavier21 Avatar
      Xavier21

      It is a good poem, but not a short story. I really enjoy it because I am a fan of Lovecraft, and I think he will enjoy this poem if he is still alive today and you email this to him. It really fits the atmosphere and I can imagine this as his/her last stream of conscientiousness before going insane or died. However m major critique is this is not a story, other than that it’s wonderful.

  9. Mysten Noire Avatar
    Mysten Noire

    The Center of the Origin
    by Mysten Noire Silver

    Once upon a time, in the far lands where fables, stories, legends, and myths all come to life. All things that exist there and every inch of the place itself have a story behind them.

    From the purest tales of nature’s mercy to the vilest gods who detest all things, they exist in an impossibly nonsensical harmony at the place of Origin.

    That is how everyone and everything knew it, even residents of the Origin itself.

    It is the place where they are birthed by the thoughts, ideas, and stories of an imaginative and powerful race. Ones that had acquired the superior ability of thinking and creativity. Ones who were capable of surviving disasters, building their own communities, and conquering all other beings in their lands to become their mindless slaves. Despite varied opinions, all who exist in the Origin fear and worship this godly race.

    All that exists in the Origin expands from a central island. The further inwards, the more ancient the originating stories of the residents are. Although the Origin has expanded beyond imagination, all residents forever look at two things with respect and mystified awe.

    The race who thinks and creates them. Humans.

    The legend of the oldest myth, the creator of the Origin, the one who can dream, the story behind the central island.

    Those who exist further and further inwards seemed more and more simple though they understood the truth better. Still, they couldn’t fully know nor dare disturb the central island.

    The central island sits within a serene lake.

    In the thriving island, there exists only one being in warped time-space.

    This being who is born, lived, and died on the island becomes a new person when it is reborn in the womb of its living self.

    Sometimes female, sometimes male. From the aunt’s family, from the uncle’s family, from the main family.

    When it tells a story from its dreams to its child every night, the words create a new part of the Origin, far away from their notice.

    The central island had just enough for it.

    A complete and happy family.

    1. Shy Tango Avatar
      Shy Tango

      I enjoy the idea of an ancient and powerful race living in some center point of a universe. Some universe where a race chanced to originate right at the center, and therefore were begot some special power. I do think this could have been explained with a bit more mystery — you mention their superior thinking and creativity but that doesn’t really come back anywhere, it might be better shrouding their heightened ability, obscuring it a little, so we can’t imagine where their power ends. That said, I do like the atmosphere you’ve created, there’s something ethereal about this race, and the narration is reverent in a way that tells the reader to tread lightly.

      1. Mysten Noire Avatar
        Mysten Noire

        Ah, thank you for your kind review. It is an outlook I didn’t expect, thus it was very helpful in allowing me to see how I can improve my writing.

        To answer some questions and as additional context without spoiling anything much.

        “The Origin is a place where stories come to life.”

        This is the truth that they all believed in. Unfortunately, the word count limit means this line had to be cut. However, another truth is that not all stories are qualified to be created in the Origin. The judge of that is the oldest ‘story’ to have ever existed, the most similar existence to a human yet most idealistically impossible (state of) being in the human world.

        It’s also a twist in perspective between humans and myths. If these myths exists somewhere and their existence is birthed by us, what would they generally think of humans?

        Plus, I took the “Mommies” part of the prompt as the one who gave birth to or created someone/something. In a way, it’s more like the creators or parents of something so there’s a lot of leeway.

        Hopefully this clears some things up for you, but I can see where you are coming from. I’ll have to be more prudent in which details to keep or remove. Your criticism has been well-received.

  10. ThatWeirdFish Avatar
    ThatWeirdFish

    Mundane Magic (A tale from Alsuria)
    By ThatWeirdFish

    The excited clatter of Junbi’s hooves echoing toward the records room was a familiar sound to Nivani. What she didn’t expect was a pawing at the door instead of a knock.

    “Junbi, use your hands instead of your- oh!” Nivani stepped back in shock as a lanky piebald filly wormed herself into the room as soon as she opened the door slightly. She trotted up to the shelf Junbi usually pulled from and nudged a scroll with her nose as her tail wagged happily.

    The foal had similar markings to the young Delbani and displayed her typical behavior, but the surprise still left Nivani questioning the identity of the young horse.

    “Junbi…? Did you try shifting again?”

    The filly bobbed her head and proudly pranced around Nivani before circling back to the shelf.

    A relieved chuckle eased out of Nivani. “I’m glad your powers are maturing. But please keep this outside the Main Hall. You know how Malar feels about animals being inside.” She scratched between Junbi’s ears as she gave an annoyed chuff.

    “I know, Junbi. Understanding flows slowly among the Osai, as much as I wish otherwise. You wanted to hear the tale of Theodred and the Well again?”

    Junbi whinnied affirmatively and hopped in place.

    “Alright then.” Nivani chuckled softly. She pulled out the scroll and turned to see Junbi shifting back to her bipedal form. As uncomfortable as it looked, it was still a miraculous sight to behold. It was only a moment until the seven-year-old humanoid was standing in the foal’s place, pushing her shaggy hair out of her eyes.

    “I wanted to talk. I can’t do that like that.” Junbi smiled brightly as Nivani wrapped her shawl around her.

    “Maybe someday you can. I’m afraid I don’t know enough about your people to know the extent of their powers, however.”

    “You think so?” Junbi’s eyes sparkled again.

    “Well, you can certainly try.” Nivani smiled back and ushered Junbi to their reading spot. Once Junbi was nestled in her lap so she could read along, Nivani began to read to the wonder in her arms.

    1. Vriesn Silver Avatar
      Vriesn Silver

      This moment between Junbi and Nivani is very sweet and well-written, judging by the fact that I had no problem reading and enjoying this without knowing anything about Alsuria.

      It’s also very interesting that this mother and daughter pair seemed to be from what I assumed to be different species! I think this is a good depiction of how loving a mother figure can be to a child which came from people she doesn’t know much about. Sure, those bonded by blood are usually much closer and affectionate, but not all of them are. This seemed to be one of those heart-warming exceptions, or there is a plot twist in the background story I was not aware of. Either way, well done!

  11. VulpesRose Avatar
    VulpesRose

    Hunting Party
    by VulpesRose

    “Brothers!” Patrik the Red burst into the tavern, damaging the door for at least the sixth time in as many moons. “Rejoice, for I have slain the Great Bear of the Mountain!” He ran a hand through his beard and gave a hearty laugh.

    The patrons began to murmur excitedly. The bounty for the beast was well known, but few had dared the treacherous trip into the Black Mountains to face the beast.

    “Yes, friends,” Patrik continued as he made his way to the bar, “let your animals graze freely! Reestablish your trade connections! The bounty of the west is open to us again!”

    A crowd began to gather around Patrik as he drained a tankard of ale. The celebratory chatter swelled around him.

    “You’ll earn a place on the King’s guard for sure!”

    “The King should be so lucky. Will you lead your own expedition west?”

    “Don’t forget your friends once you’ve drained the King’s treasury, Pat!”

    Only a man in a plain green cloak seemed unaffected by the exuberance of the others. “But where is your hunting party? Surely you have not slain the beast alone?”

    Patrik was already drunk on praise. “Tynan, you doubt! The beast’s head is outside. See for yourself!”

    Everyone rushed to the front to catch a glimpse of the slain foe. Tynan stood calmly and made his way to the edge of the crowd. He gazed out the window above their heads and was still for a moment. Then he returned to his seat and quickly finished his drink.

    “There. You see?”

    Tynan set down his glass. “Patrik, you know I’ve seen the beast myself?”

    “So you claimed. But as you can see, it is not as tall as a church tower! It would have barely filled this room.”

    “That,” Tynan motioned toward where the head rested, “is not the Great Bear of the Mountain.” He motioned for the owner to follow him out the back door. “But I imagine you’ll soon have a chance to correct your mistake. You have left a splendid trail of blood for the mother to follow.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Oh, that ending. It reminds me of Beowulf, but it is even more ominous. In that story, they wouldn’t know the mother of the monsters would come for them. And here the sudden realization at the end that not only the beast is alive, but most probably will come for revenge… that is just amazing.

      And the changes in how the story is felt as it progresses does wonder to sell the ending as even more terrifying. Starting celebratory, with high hopes, until one presence brings a little doubt to that whole thing. And the doubts grows, creeps in, until it is replaced by knowledge and realization. Not only the comemoration is out of place, but what they have is a case to dread. And the curtain falls as this becomes clear. Amazing time for the perfect drama escalation.

      Amazing story, Rose. Thanks for sharing.

    2. I called the twist from the beginning. Well, from when he said he killed “the great bear”

      I was not expecting it to be an actual daikaiju. But I did like that it seems he did in fact kill a twenty foot (?) bear.

      Good story!

      1. VulpesRose Avatar
        VulpesRose

        With a prompt about Mommies I didn’t expect to get away with this twist, but it was still a fun story to tell.

        And yeah, he took out a big ol’ beastie, unfortunately, not the big beastie everyone was actually worried about.

    3. The Missing Link Avatar
      The Missing Link

      Poor Patrik. He went through all that work to doom everyone around him. I definitely see the Beowulf influence here, but he doesn’t seem like a man who can humble brag about how he lost a swimming race in full armor only because he stopped to fight some monsters in the middle or can beat a giant monster with its own arm. Instead, he gets that joke from SpongeBob, “that’s not the worm, that’s it’s tongue.”

  12. Monster and Mom
    By kenzie Goodwin

    A slow chill crept over my lips. It was as if Hell chose this little protection I had as its prime location to start freezing over and took particular pleasure in driving an icicle into my pounding heart. Soon saliva will fill my mouth and I will be paralyzed.

    Running water fills my ears but it does not mask the thudding that was increasing in intensity as silent tears force their way out. My feet continue to reel back trying to protect my physical self even as I mentally deteriorate. A sharp point touches my back and I wish over and over that it would impale me and make the thudding stop. In that moment, cement could not have held me as still as my feet did in my well-worn sneakers. I wanted to say something, speak up, defend myself, but my mouth clamped shut after a choked sob.

    The door burst after an unstoppable pressure was put against what I thought was an immovable object. Doors are hollow, was my only thought. A foot size hole was kicked through and the strike plate ripped from the wall.

    A hulking mass of anger shadowed the doorway, violating my safety with unkind words and unyielding hands. My mother sat behind him observing from the couch. She only glanced up to let me know I had this coming so I shouldn’t act surprised.

    I pressed myself harder into my imaginary knife, willing it to life. Ending the strife with a small sacrifice.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Wow. This is a very disturbing tale. And the writing i superb.

      Very uncomfortable, as a tale like that should be. Your descriptions and metaphors are very, very vivid, and they paint the panic and despair in a very poetic and visceral way.

      Difficult one to comment, as well.

      I really liked the wording at the end, although it leaves a lot to the imagination – a little ambiguity can be a problem or an asset, depending on the story, and here it lean more towards considering it an asset.

      That was very, very interesting. Disturbing, sure. But an amazing reading as well. Great tale.

    2. Sniperaxiom Avatar
      Sniperaxiom

      This was terribly well written. Just reading it made me feel like I needed to shrink away, even before the revelation at the end. The premise and story itself is very sad.

      You did an amazing job on creating a desperate, panicked, and lonely feeling. There is also some sort of feeling of betrayal to look up and see the mother not being sympathetic or helping at all. Despite how sad the actual story is, its very good! As said before, this is very well written.

      Good job :D.

    3. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
      Matthew R. Wright

      That was quite an intense piece. Horror done in such an interesting way. I couldn’t write anything like this, too visual, too intimate, I’d freak myself out. You’ve done a fantastic job with the story, took the prompt in a completely wild direction. It’s also short and really easy to read, so well done. Nice work.

  13. Mother will protect you

    By: Iskritt

    Marta nudged the child gently through the hallway, urging him to keep moving despite the pounding sounds coming from many of the doors they passed. The child looked as if he wanted to turn and run back to the entrance from where they came, but Marta ensured they continued moving forward steadily until they finally reached its final door, which Marta opened and entered, bringing her child with her into the bedroom on the other side. As soon as they were safely inside, Marta closed the door behind them, blocking out the chaotic sounds from the hallway.

    “What were those sounds mommy?” The child asked. “They were scary.”

    Marta moved the child to the bed and sat next to them, smiling warmly to offer comfort.

    “Some are scary.” Marta affirmed, “Some of those doors lead to hideous monsters and frightening worlds. But,” She quickly added, seeing terror grow on her child’s face, “Some of those doors lead to paradises, beautiful lands and magical creatures, more wonderful than your wildest dreams!”

    “Really?” The child asked, terror now replaced with wonder.

    “Of course! There are strong heroes defeating evil, landscapes untouched by corruption, were nature can flourish its most beautiful colors, and rainbows filling every sky night and day!”

    “Can I go there?” The child pleaded.

    “I’m so sorry, my child.” Marta responded. “But I am afraid it is far too dangerous. I do not know where every door goes, and even one mistake could unleash the worst upon us. You must stay in this room, your room, where it is safe.”

    The child looked down sadly, but nodded his head, understanding. “Where will you go?”

    “I must go save more children like you.” She smiled and stood up, opening the door and entering the hallway once again. “Sweet dreams.” She said as she closed the door.

    The smile on her face relaxed, as she looked down the hallway and listened to the sounds of her children. These doors would never be opened again, for that would endanger them. Behind these doors, her children were safe.

    Her children were safe forever.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Oh, I like it.

      The whole thing about protection that veers into being overbearing and not allowing one to grow, to exist elsewhere, to be differently. The way it is told is really great, and I love the description of what lies behind the doors.

      A mother afraid of possibilities – such a common thing, such a sad and (in this case, specially) a terrifying thought. I really like how this is built – it start from the child’s fears, then this fears are giving form in the words of the mother, who also present all the possibilities that world has, but keeps the fearful things in the forefront and justifies her actions.

      Really interesting story.

  14. Wavebook21 Avatar
    Wavebook21

    Caulder’s body tensed as another gale pierced through him. He wished badly that he had more time to grab better clothing for the beyond frigid weather conditions but he knew he needed any lead he could stand to take. If they didn’t notice his absence immediately they would when the next shift of guards went through the barracks and saw missing gear. Even if it was the best course of action it didn’t mean Caulder didn’t complain about it under his breath as he clutched himself to stay warm.
    A gust caught Caulder from behind forcing him down and his hands stopped his fall. He winced as the cold enveloped his hands. How could he keep going, it was only getting worse.
    As he forced himself up off his hands and knees something illuminated in the dark. What could be out here in the dark, it was long from any roads or from the headquarters. Caulder decided it best to investigate, odds were much more likely that it wasn’t a threat.
    Caulder drew closer to the light to discover a large figure illuminated by a large candle sitting on the snow with a thick cloth beneath them. The figure wore a large wide brimmed hat that had a veil which obscured the face. She wore dark clothes that fit her form and her hands rest in her lap
    “Darling come here,” in a voice welcoming and comforting, “I have a space for you.”
    Caulder hesitantly drew closer. The snow falling stopped a radius around the candle. A warm meal lay on fine dishes in between the two of them. He could feel relief and warmth overflow him.
    “Sit my child, and be refilled with life,” The woman said.
    “Wh-who are you?” Caulder’s voice shook slightly be it from the cold or from concern.
    “Darling, I am Death, and I’m here to make certain you live.”

  15. Sniperaxiom Avatar
    Sniperaxiom

    Old Shuck

    By Sniperaxiom

    On the battlefield lay mangled disfigured patriots. The valiant souls were broken and gone, their bodies in no man’s land, an area pockmarked with waterlogged shell craters.

    I lay among them, though I was not yet dead. The cold mud mingling with my leg wounds. I must have passed out soon after my leg was hit because the thundering gunshots and cries of pain had ceased.

    There was no way for me to know in which direction I should head to get back to our trenches. I chose not to attempt to blindly crawl out in either direction, preferring not to fall into some sinkhole or barbed wire. I dared to hope that maybe the night patrol would find me. As I listened to the quiet and attempted to ignore my pain, a story came to mind.

    I thought of the HellHounds of Mons to be specific. The phantom that killed small night patrols who timidly emerged from their ditches to scout no man’s land. These patrols would eventually be found, killed not by Jerry bullets but with their throats ripped out. I still thought it would be better to die to the Germans than to that kind of monster.

    I then became aware that I could hear the howls of the beast that echoed not too far off. All I could think of besides my pain, was the stories of the Black Shuck that my mother would tell me.

    These legends of devilish black dogs with red eyes that would prowl our countryside at night and prey on those walking alone only made me believe more in the HellHound stories.

    With great pain I slowly sat up in the filth to listen. I heard heavy breathing accompanied by trudging through the mud approaching toward me.I sat dumb as a rabbit, fully ready to meet my bloody death at the jaws of a beast.

    My fears were far off in the end as I would hardly call a fellow Tommy a beast. I guess I escaped old Shuck this time.

    1. This was an interesting one. I wouldn’t have expected to read a story about war (I’m guessing the first world war?) with this prompt, and even less one that I enjoy.

      What I like is one, how it doesn’t make light of warfare, even if it describes dead soldiers and wounds as if it was normal – but then again, it was during those times, so while it feels wrong, its effect is a good one; and two, how the myth part was integrated into the story.

      There could have been a little more horror at the end, for my taste, but I guess that’s due to the word count; and in a way it’s also kinda fitting, since like this it seems this person is even too tired to be scared.

      So, good story. Thank you for writing and sharing it.

    2. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
      Matthew R. Wright

      War was an interesting choice for the prompt. A story of souls and of filth and legends? Didn’t see it coming. Old Sick sounds like an interesting character just from the name alone. A story of ‘almost death’ and of war and the horror it, fantastic, elements of the real and unreal or strange, works really well in combination here. Well described and full of tension, really enjoyed this piece.

  16. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
    MelancholicOtaku

    Saga The Mother of Myths.

    By: MelancholicOtaku

     
     
    “Greetings, my dear traveler. How was your journey? “Pleasant, I hope.”
     
    “You must be tired after traveling long distances.” 
    “How about a bedtime story?”
    “Don’t worry, I have plenty of them, all from the past, present, and future.”

    Taking a good look at your surroundings and wondering where you were, it was nothing like you’d ever seen before. a paradise where all creatures live in harmony.

    The most interesting one of all was the giantess towering over you. Her voice had this calming effect on you, and so far, she didn’t seem like a threat.
     
    “W-who are you?” You asked as the giantess chuckled a bit, taking a seat slowly so as not to hurt you or the others below. Taking a good look, she was the most beautiful woman you had ever seen.
     
    “My name is Saga, little one. “I am the mother of all myths, legends, and stories,” she replied.
     
    “Wait, mother of myths?” You asked in awe.
     
    “Why, yes, with my pen, I have written every story known to men, and it will one day be told.” Saga replied, and a bright smile appeared on her face.
    Summoning a huge book whose pages seem like they would never end and a pen that never ran out of ink. Saga gently patted your head while opening the book.

    “So little one, how about a bedtime story?” 

    You nodded as Saga picked you up with ease while also being careful not to harm you. On your travels, you have seen many spectacular landscapes and creatures in different shapes and sizes, but this was something entirely different.

    “Here’s the place.” Saga said with a huge grin as she placed you in perhaps the softest bed you’ve ever been on.
    “T-thanks,” you said, still not being able to process what’s going on, but wow, was this bed comfy.

    “Ah well, it looks like someone is ready for the first story.” The giantess spoke, slightly stroking your small body; you couldn’t help but smile as she did so.

    “Once upon a time, when the universe was yet to be created,” Saga began.

    1. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      I like the bones of this story quite a bit. Second person is an interesting choice and a difficult one for a lot of people. However, with stories of extraordinary things its much easier to get away with telling the reader how they are feeling, since they are reading about things they have certainly never experienced before. I really like the image of a giantess with a massive book of stories.

      My main critiques are grammar related. Watch your quotation marks, as some of the formatting made the story a bit confusing. Especially when the same person continues speaking. At the beginning I wasn’t sure exactly how many people were talking and it seems like its supposed to all be the same person (Saga).

      Also, watch your tense. You’ve mostly got past tense here, but there are some awkward moments where it seems to try to shift to present tense.

      Strong start here, and with a bit of editing, it would be even stronger. Keep up the good work!

    2. Adrian Solorio Avatar
      Adrian Solorio

      Hi Melancholic,

      Man, 2nd person is tough to write, but I’m glad you took on the challenge and wrote a story from that narrative. It’s not common, ya know. I like the descriptions of Saga, the mother of myths, and with the way she treated the protagonist she was very motherly. I was left wondering about the protagonist, though. Are they alive? Are they in some spirit world? Too little space to answer those questions, but you definitely got the pot stirring in my head. Well done!

  17. WriterOfThought Avatar
    WriterOfThought

    First Impressions
    WriterOfThought

    “Mom, how did you and Dad meet?” Grimsley asked as his mother rocked his sister to sleep. Finis looked at her skeletal son as she reminisced on the answer to his question, thinking how much he looked like his father, and not just because they were both Reapers.

    Finis laid Agatha in her crib and beckoned her son to her lap. This story usually got mixed results from other people, and it worked so much better when they both told it, but Grimoire was at work late tonight.

    “Well,” she began. “I didn’t always work in the potions department. You know that, right?” Grimsley nodded vigorously in response.

    “Before that, I worked at the Fly-Thru Apothecary, stocking the shelves. It was very early in the morning, and your dad stopped in to get an Energy Booster Spell.”

    Grimsley’s attention was fixed on his mother, trying to imagine what she looked like before he was born. Maybe she had longer hair, maybe she wore different colors.

    “Well, I turned and saw a VERY handsome skeleton. But I was shy and my shift was almost over. I was happy to just have seen him between patrols, and never thought I’d see him again, like so many customers.”

    Grimsley now tried to imagine his father before he was born. Were his bones whiter? Did his cloak have fewer holes? Did it have any? How do you even tell when a skeleton gets older?

    “So, I clocked out, grabbed my broom, and started to fly home. But out of nowhere, I heard a loud voice say ‘YOU THERE, PULL OVER.’ So I did.”

    Grimsley was getting fidgety, but Finis was nearing the end of the story. It was her favorite part.

    “I pulled over and the same handsome reaper from the store walked up. Apparently, he went back in to try and talk to me, but I had already left.”

    “I asked, ‘is there a problem, officer?’ And he said, ‘no, but would you join me for dinner on Friday?’ And we’ve been together ever since.”

    1. Adrian Solorio Avatar
      Adrian Solorio

      Hi Writer, I like what you did here with the prompt. You gave us a family friendly tale between a mother and son, but this isn’t an ordinary family. This world raised a lot of questions for me, obviously there was only so much you could do with the word limit, but I was wondering if this world existed on another magical plane away from another reality like our own, where DEATH is a disembodied figure unnattached from our reality? I was also curious to know what the patrols for the reapers are, like, are they cops or do they patrol and take peoples’ lives when it’s their time? Lots of questions, sorry 😅

      1. WriterOfThought Avatar
        WriterOfThought

        You’re good! So far the only part we’ve seen of this world is through the girl’s eyes, the baby she put to sleep. If you would like further detail I’d recommend checking out the Into the Underworld prompt and the I Dropped my Soul prompt.

        I actually hadnt thought too much on the duties of a reaper, other than that there was more than one. But thinking about it, they would act kind of like police.

        This is also a reference to how my actual parents met, where my dad (who was an officer at the time) pulled my mom over to ask her out because he just missed her clocking out.

    2. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This is co cute! I really liked the setting, the world building, and, of course, the story itself. It is a really ordinary situation in an extraordinary world, that feels real thanks to your excellent execution.

      1. WriterOfThought Avatar
        WriterOfThought

        Thank you! I actually had difficulty with figuring out the situation to tell in this story. I knew I wanted to visit the Underworld Family again, and that the brother would ask the mom how she and the dad met, but I had no clue how they actually met until this morning lol.

        And they met the same way my own parents did. Plus or minus a few steps and magical artifacts.

    3. Nice use of a fantastical environment to tell a common story. I like the sort of environment you set up here, it’s cute and whimsical what the child thinks of his parents before they had him.

      A little bit of critique here. I feel like it’s a bit awkwardly paced and worded near the end. like, it’s told with sentence fragments and run-ons in her dialogue, which can feel natural, but it’s odd and a little hard to understand in this case (at least in my opinion.)

      Great piece overall, with a cool atmosphere, but a little confusing around the end.

      1. WriterOfThought Avatar
        WriterOfThought

        I appreciate the critique! Sadly the pacing I had set up caused an overage in the word count when I had finished it and I fear what I had to cut affected the rhythm I had created.

        But I’m glad you enjoyed the story!

    4. So, “reaper” isn’t so much a job in this case as something they ARE.

      Guess she must have really liked those cheekbones and jawline.

      What is she then? A witch? Is that also something she was born into or is she something else and chose her potion related profession?

      1. WriterOfThought Avatar
        WriterOfThought

        As far as the world that I’ve seen with these characters, you are correct.

        But yes! Finis and Agatha are witches, and it is more of a race or species than a job title.

  18. Strong Berry Avatar
    Strong Berry

    The Flame of Ahava
    By Strong Berry

    Some people have gods for parents. I am not jealous. I was raised by someone much better: My mother. In her heart, lies something more impressive than any god or titan: The Flame of Ahava.

    Ahava is a powerful thing that my mother uses to cast incredible miracles. With it, she spreads heat and warmth to her family and with just a hug, The Flame could melt the little icicles in our hearts, heal the wounds on our bodies, and evaporate the tears that followed.

    It’s Ahava from which my mother draws her herculean strength and stamina to take care of her family even after a long, hard day at work.

    The strength she drew from her Ahava was so great, in fact, it allowed my mother to bend time itself to her will. No matter how busy she got, my mother has always found the time to take care of her family. Be it cooking a delicious meal, driving us to the doctor, or just being there for us.

    However, Ahava doesn’t come without a price. The Flame demanded fuel, and my mother threw inside a lot to keep it burning. Her time, sleep and freedom are just some of the sacrifices she made for her children. It burned her from the inside, but my mother bared it all to hold this family, us, on her back like the titan Atlas.

    Ahava also isn’t just warmth and light. When us kids would misbehave, my mother would not hesitate to burn us. It would hurt, but looking back I see those burns helped us to grow. Better to learn right from wrong sooner than later, after all. Besides, she only punished us when it was deserved.

    My mother is what every child deserves, but unfortunately, not all have: A loving mother. Her love is more powerful and impressive than any god or titan. Now, as an adult, I can now only thank her for passing sparks of The Flame of Ahava to us, her children, that hopefully will give us a fragment of her strength when we need it.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Interesting, interesting. I like the whole idea of how the Flame of Ahava is used here – you mystify a very present (so, in a way, common) but strong concept in order to better call attention to it and explore it. This makes for an interesting meditation on it. And the language employed is really fitting. It sounds a bit like an essay, but with some elements emphasized by the air of grandiose that the mystified terminology brings. And it fits the prompt to a t.

      I am particularly fond of the whole idea that the flames must be fed, and that they consume the user. Yeah, caring for others and doing the deeds one needs to do while performing said care is not just a thing that happens – it takes some doing, it requires energy and effort, and it can be exhausting. The way that is described here is really engaging as well.

      I’m a bit torn about the penultimate paragraph, though. I understand what is being said, but punishment justification in the care of children always leaves something very sour in my mouth, and I really don’t like the message and its naturalization there. Granted, that is more about the content of the message in itself than about the format – it is described in a very poetic way, and the language is powerful there. Still, I can’t dissociate the two aspects, and in fact, I think convincing language in a troubling idea can veer too far into a dangerous side.

      That small aside… well, aside, I really like the story. The concept is very well written, and the technique employed works wonders for us to really pause, appreciate and analyze the theme it is dealing with. So, great job in there.

      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you for the comment! I am sorry if that paragraph left you feeling bad. I was reflecting on my mother’s role in my childhood, and, as wonderful as she was, she also punished when she thought needed. It wasn’t abuse, but she knew how to put us in our place.

    2. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
      MelancholicOtaku

      I like it ,the source of Ahva is a powerful source indeed not because it’s stronger than a God or Titan but rather it’s how strong and powerful a mothers love can be for their child.Make you appreciate all the things that your own mother did for you and how much sacrificed she’s been thru.
      Yeah nice job on the story ,grabbed my attention and yeah I had a warm fuzzy feeling while reading lol but who wouldn’t.Good job

      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you for you kind words!

  19. Adrian Solorio Avatar
    Adrian Solorio

    Retracted for possible submission.

    1. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
      MelancholicOtaku

      Oh man I can’t imagine what’s going on In Michelle mind right now.Not knowing your mother wondering why she gave you up.Wondering what type of person she is, and how it would be if you two were to meet. Then to find out that the person you’ve always wanted to see ,may not be the best of people,can’t help but feel for Michelle.

  20. A Mother’s Touch
    By: Gadrius

    Yuserin stepped down from the balcony as the crowds continued to cheer. The applause was deafening, drowning out the sounds of attendants and footmen fussing over his cape or his posture. Being king of the world’s largest empire had its annoyances, but it often couldn’t be helped.

    Once behind the relative safety of the palace walls, Yuserin’s mother raced to greet him. She hugged him tightly. “Oh, my son! Another perfect speech.”

    Yuserin returned the embrace with enthusiasm. “Thank you, Mother. I must say, the throng was especially rowdy today. It must be due to our victories in the North.” He appreciated that his mother took such concern for his daily affairs. It was nice to have someone to share his stories with.

    “Oh, I heard! That was a stroke of genius!”

    “Please, mother. It was nothing. Besides, I wouldn’t have considered it had you not mentioned your love of Northern carpentry.”

    “My genius little King.”

    Yuserin smiled. He always liked when she called him that, though he’d never admit it.

    The two moved down the ornate hallways of the palace, their sandals slapping on the polished stone. After a moment, Yuserin’s mother spoke up again, “Actually, Yuserin. I had a request. There has been news of people in the southern regions rioting, causing textile work from that region to stop. No textile shipments means no new rugs.”

    Yuserin stopped, looking to his mother. “Are you suggesting we send our tired and wounded soldiers down to quell riots? They need rest.”

    “Oh, you’re right. I just thought the rugs would pair so nicely with the armchairs.”

    Yuserin eyed his mother. How could she be so focused on trivial matters, when he had a kingdom to run? Did she not understand the importance of his work?

    But she was his mother, and he couldn’t let her down.

    “Fine,” he relented, “I shall speak to the generals and see what can be done.”

    Another smile erupted on her face. “Oh, thank you, my dear boy!”

    This smile, though, seemed different. More… sly, perhaps? What did her expression mean?

    Yuserin shook his head, expelling the thought. His mother loved him, and she only wanted the best for him. And that was that.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      And, after all, it seems like like Yuserin is really his mother little King. Perhaps the “genius” part is a bit of an overstatement. And now I fear for when his mother is gone. Poor kingdom.

      I love how subtle and at the same time on point is the title, considering the story.

      This was really amusing, and a really nice read.

    2. Adrian Solorio Avatar
      Adrian Solorio

      Hmmm 🤔, so is Yuserin’s mom the true power behind her son’s throne? She seems to sway him, or manipulate him to get things done in order to interior decorate the castle 😂

      But, maybe she’s just killing two birds with one stone. Getting the king to do the responsible things, like fighting wars and insuring stability within the empire. Well, I think his mom has got some 4d chess going on, and Yuserin’s totally unaware of the game being played, but maybe that’s for the better, no?

    3. The Missing Link Avatar
      The Missing Link

      What a sneaky way to rule a kingdom, manipulating your own children. I guess the myth here is that Yuserin is in charge, which that’s totally a thing regents would do, but extending that to the heir actually taking the throne is bold. You could almost wonder if she’s trying to dissatisfy the military into a coup, but mother knows best after all.

  21. Bedtime Story
    By Taja DaLeen

    So, you want another story? Haha, ok.

    Hmm, what to tell you… oh, I know.

    As I already told you, back when the world was still new, with the first forming of life, magic started to exist as well. And with magic, there was Asmodis. They are Magic, and therefore Life itself, after all.

    Whether there is something like that God many nonmagicals believe in, no one knows. Well, maybe Asmodis does, but they wouldn’t tell.

    But there is one group of beings we do know exists, and whose age even Asmodis doesn’t know.

    The Fates.

    Nine concepts personified in the forms of ageless women with surreal eyes that look like possibilities; they at least used to control everyone’s destiny.

    Nowadays it is said they don’t anymore, only some believe that they still have a say in what happens to the two worlds at large.

    After all, there are still some prophecies around. Prophecies spoken by highly powerful mediums.

    Yes, exactly, people like us who possess the third eye.

    No dear, most don’t use it to find their favorite plushie again.

    But well, that magic is said to come from the Fates directly. It would only make sense. But how exactly that happened is only speculation.

    Some say it was a gift to those they favored, to reward; but others claim differently.

    They say every medium is a descendant of the Fates. That those personified concepts fell so in love with all living, breathing creatures, that they brought forth their own kind, which eventually became one with humankind.

    And that is where our powers come from, that is why we can see the past, present and all possibilities the future can bring.

    What I do with them? Well, just like you, I sometimes search for things I lost. But usually I guide others to a future they desire, make sure they don’t end up in a scary place.

    Yes, the future can be scary…

    No, darling, don’t worry. If you don’t want to see it, you don’t have to.

    Just close your eyes, and sleep.

    I love you too, sweetie.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That was a very enjoyable read, Taja. If I had to point a small bit of critique (and I do, Fate dictates so), I’d say that although the story format is lovely, it is a bit at odds with the rhythm and pacing of the internal narrative. In other stories in which you also employed a similar story, I felt as if the framing device accompanied the unfolding of it all in a more… I don’t know, tight (perhaps?) way. Here, it seems more natural, but it also feel a little less all-encompassing.

      Not sure if my words are making any sense right now. The whole thing I’d like to say is a bit confusing for me to express in writing.

      But, anyway, this was just the small bit of criticism I though I need to do. But most of all, I wanted to say I really loved some of the ideas here and I’m entranced by some concepts.

      The description of the Fates was just amazing. Eyes that look like possibilities is at once incredibly beautiful, amazingly worded, a very strong and striking image, and kind of terrifying. And that idea – spoken, but left in the air – that once the Fates dictated everyone destinies, but don’t do it anymore (with some notable exceptions)… I’m intrigued, and curious, and it is almost painful that I don’t know more about it. I need to know more!

      The way they discuss using the gift of prophecy for some minor things is incredible endearing, and it ties so well with how then the whole thing about some futures can be scary places – and so the narrator guide people into futures…

      The way it is written says a lot. Those seeking a future they desire need a guide, since sometimes, the future can be a scary place. Maybe even those futures that are being sought after.

      Amazing work as always, Taja. How can one narrative be so calming and yet leave me with such an obsession in following the threads it presents? I don’t know, but I just love it.

    2. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This was really sweet! The thing I like about this the most is the fact that the child has magical powers and could see the future, yet they use their power to find their plushie. It feels like something so natural for a kids to do with that power, and helps make them feel real. I also like that the mother doesn’t hide the fact the future is scary from her child. It’s good parental preparation for the real world.

      Though the format leaves a lot to the imagination, I feel like all the important things are there. A really nice read.

    3. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      Yay a magical bedtime story! I love this world origin. Kinda sounds like those “bible bedtime stories” books you get new parents or you use to teach kids how to read.

      The only point I would think about is I can’t think of using the word “speculation” when telling a story to a child. But it could have been for word count so I’m not too worried about it

    4. This was a really nice story. I love how you address the audience, really making me feel like I was a child being told a bedtime story. There’s also a lot of interesting worldbuilding here. I’m curious about the Fates and what concepts they embody in this universe. It has some slight Sandman vibes.

      The magic system is really interesting as well, but what stuck out to me the most was the little hints at the characters of the speaker and the listener. For example, when the speaker says that “most don’t use it to find their favourite plushie”, it really shows something about the child’s backstory and that they probably lost that exact toy. It was a really neat way to bring in character exposition.

      Well written!

  22. Missed Opportunity?

    By Joe

    Hera felt that natural repulsion when she first laid eyes on him as a child. But she fought it, and forced herself to look at him, fully grown and fully aware of her purpose.

    “Enjoy looking at your unfinished project?” Hephaestus asked sarcastically.

    She let him have that.

    “Hephaestus?” she paused, finding the words she practiced.

    “Yes, Hera!” he said derisively.

    “I’ve realized…that I may have…mistreated you in some way or another.”

    “Oh!” He pretended to be shocked. “Really?! In what way do you ponder?” He smiled.

    Hera pursed her lips. “Really going to twist me on this, aren’t you?”

    “Let’s just say. That I have the opportunity to cast you out?”

    Hera was irritated. But she recalled the reason that made her want to do this, and drew a breath. “I got tired of Olympus. Ever since the mortals fended for themselves it meant less work for us, but it also meant less fun. All the entertainment available was the drinking, music and laying around. Eventually, I got bored and went on a journey for more entertainment. It wasn’t hard, but it got old because it was all the same things with a different tune. Just when I thought I’d never end my boredom, I found something else.” She braced herself. “I found a sad, pitiful life. A man crying over his parent’s grave. I heard him ramble about the things they did to him. He longed for one of them to recognize his achievements so that he may be called ‘son’. To admit that they were wrong to raise him with expectations that didn’t belong to them.” Hera looked up into Hephaestus’s slightly surprised eyes. “I knew they wanted power. But I learned that when power is all you have, life is boring.” She put her hands on Hephaestus’s. “They missed the opportunity to be parents. But despite it all, he still cried.” She choked. “Thetis did a wonderful job as a mother. I just wanted you to know that you didn’t deserve me. I’m sorry.”

    Hera looked at Hephaestus’s face. He was fully disarmed and…hopeful.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      A reinterpretation of Hephaestus being cast out of Olympus and a meditation on the not so petty reason of Hera for doing so? Really interesting way to take the prompt. This really manages to take the idea of “myth”, “mommy”, and then the conjunction of both of them, and focus on each part of it through a myriad of lens. There are some that sacrifice themselves to be mother, there are some which sacrifice being a mother… Quite surprising.

      Let me start by pointing out the thing I just don’t think is really right, so we can get it out of the way. I really don’t thing that last thing spoken by Hephaestus should have a period in the midst of it (“Let’s just say. That I have the opportunity to cast you out?”). Barring that, I don’t think I saw anything else that needed a correction.

      There is a bit of an emphasis on Hera’s meditation on the situation that seems to have been the cause of her abandonment of Hephaestus – and I really like that her own feeling on the matter are never stated, but they can just be implied.

      I found that final speech a bit long (considering the whole structure of the story), but it works really well and conveys not just the ideas and explanations there, but the whole theme of the thing and the emotional core of it (even though, as said before, the emotions are not explicit in the words, but hidden among them). And I think this is somewhat of a recurrence structure particularity of your style of writing.

      And I love that ending. The contrast of how she first see him, and then how he looks by the end – that’s really great.

      I’m pretty sure that while falling I saw a like button somewhere near here… oh, here it is.

      1. My new canon for Hera is that she was guilt-tripped by an episode of Bojack Horseman.

        What a nice like button! Thank you!

    2. Sanguinerus Avatar
      Sanguinerus

      Well, I like to focus on setting the scene and using the senses, this helps the reader picture the scene and get in the shoes of the characters.

      I think a quick reference to their location would help the scene, there stood at the summit of Mout Olympus perhaps?

      As for the senses I say always try to use at least 2, given the word limit:

      “and forced herself to look at him, fully grown and fully aware of her purpose.” Good use of sight, it may have been good to elaborate on how exactly she saw him, though not necessary.

      “Hera pursed her lips.” Good use of proprioception.

      “But she recalled the reason that made her want to do this, and drew a breath.” Another use of proprioception, good stuff.

      “Hera looked up into Hephaestus’s slightly surprised eyes.” Another good use of sight.

      “Hera looked at Hephaestus’s face.” The same use of sight, this one feels a bit redundant as you haven’t said she looked anywhere else since she look into his eyes.

      5 instances with 2 different senses is great and helps the reader follow the character.

      As for the substance of the story itself, I haven’t read any Greek stuff in quite a while but I don’t remember a soft side to Hera, interesting take here.

      I thought not long ago, if you were to evoke the ire of all the Greek gods except one and that one had to defend you from all the others, whom would you pick?
      Not even a question, right? It’s got to be Hera, no one, neither man nor god is messing with her.

      Seeing empathy and perhaps remorse is interesting. Good job!

  23. whirlpool mother dearest

    by Galer

    the young Tania was bored out of her mind, her snake hairs licking the air trying to entertain themselves, she could play with his three-headed brother Alan but apparently, all three heads on his body agree to be busy building that unfinished lego tower they never let her touch.

    They still were sore about how she turned the last one into a rock statue went she walked in forgetting she didn’t have her mask up.

    She even said sorry that time she didn’t have her second skin on her face geez, say what you will about him he always could carry a fierce grudge even if mother told him to drop it.

    Now that she thought of her was she still in the hospital? went what she going to come, she was always obsessed with her work as a nurse.

    Tania then hears the sound of a motor and water rushing inside the house garage, the snake in her hair quickly seise in the direction of the sound it was her mother.

    She quickly got out of the house her mother going out of the whirlpool water car, she was a beautiful woman though with the difference in that from her waist down she had half of a snake, Tania was always god confused as to why her mother would get annoyed went people say she was a lamia, personally, the gorgon girl and the Cerberus boy thought she looked cool.

    “Mommy, Mommy!”Tania exclaimed while jumping up and down enthusiastically

    “Yes dear,” Hersalia said her voice like the waves on the sea.

    “Can I play with you Alan is obsessed with legos again,” said the Gorgon child

    “Sorry dear but mother had too much work today,” Hersalia said her voice similar to lazy winds hitting the coast “I am too tired maybe another day”

    “But you always said that every day,” said Tania child disappointed

    Hersalia made a bitter expression, if only he was alive.

    Yet, she needs to try her best, although at times feels it wasn’t enough for her children.

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      I like this story. It conveys a child-like innocence and has an overall warm feel to it (even with it’s bittersweet ending). I especially like the little details like the snake-hairs getting bored themselves along with the girl they’re attached to, and idea of the Cerberus boy with three heads having their own separate thoughts. Details like these really flesh out the world give the characters additional little traits and quirks that make them feel more real and interesting.

      The only critique I have for this piece is that it has a variety of small but not damaging errors like some sentences maybe needing to be split apart, some places needing commas, random changing of tenses, etc… Nothing a good proofread can’t fix.

      Overall though, errors or no errors, I really liked this story and thought it was well written and fun. Great job!

    2. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      This is a very cute story. I like the Greek myths as children. As if Monster High was more Monster Elementary. Super cute.

      As was already mentioned, some of your punctuation and capitalization choices could use a second read because it affects your flow and readability. Just keep working at it and it should become more natural.

  24. J. J. Peterson Avatar
    J. J. Peterson

    Just Because
    J. J. Peterson

    Yes, the book. No, the book. Book. Yes. No.

    “Trapped inside a cage of your own making!” The voice booms and echoes.

    The book quivers, teeters left and right, front and back.

    “Your powers are of no significance here. You have the key, but you’ve tossed it away!”

    It falls off the shelf and I just barely catch it before it hits the ground.

    “My legions are numerous, and my monsters fierce! Your friends have deserted you and your only hope has run away!”

    I lie back on the ground and begin to read, but as I do the world around me begins to change. The secure walls of my room melt away revealing a black void. My warm carpet turns into cold rock. High above me a giant, golden, shimmering cage holds one man, defiant and defeated. On the ground beside me lies a key. In the blackness above me floats a shadow; behind him every foul beast that has been imagined. The shadow speaks.

    “Don’t you see? The only choice left to you is to surrender it. Give me the mommy!!”

    The defeated man defiantly grips the bars, “You may have won the mommy, but you will never win the world.” He flings an object out into the void. At first it falls like a rock, but as it descends, its downward velocity slows, until it hovers right above my head. A statue of a dove. I grab it, just because, and alligators spew all over, flying on butterflies wings, and breathing bubbles. Soon bubbles fill the void, and whatever they touch, vanishes. The shadow disappears, then the monsters, then the cage. The defeated man defiantly plummets down, only to hit a bubble and disappear. Now it is just me, the key, the alligators, and the bubbles.

    With a sigh I close the book and fall asleep as the bubbles begin to turn to rock.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This was a great read. I still have a few hypotheses of where exactly the reading is taking place (as it seems to change places), but I really like that aspect of the reading (or maybe, the whole make belief play) transporting the narrator and us through the narrative. And though I find some of the vocabulary a little curious due to some of the images the whole thing conjured, it was not the kind of oddness that does not fit, but rather those that turn it amusing.

      And, well, I can’t help but thing on the imagery of those movies that blend an inside-world of narration with the experience of those living the story through a teller or book, which is always a great association.

      Very vivid images and transitions, even if at some moments a little bit confusing. But I thing the confusing here is as asset more than a problem. It all has a kind of hypnagogic feeling to it. Very, very interesting story.

    2. I really admire your descriptions here. It painted a very clear image in my head of what the scene looked like, and how events unfolded.

      I was a little confused by the ending, especially the last two paragraphs. Things begin to become more crazy, but I wasn’t exactly sure why, or if the objects and changes are supposed to have meaning, or just be the imaginings of a child. Perhaps something in the final paragraph to confirm one way or another would be helpful.

      Overall, a very fun read that kept me hooked the whole way through,

  25. Asher Fable Avatar
    Asher Fable

    Myths of Madness (Based on a True Story)
    By Asher Fable

    I remember when I was 14 and my mom told me stories of my dad.

    Stories of an infamous hacker group, hired assassins and a second family. ‘Memories’ and ‘deductions’ made that were more myth than reality. I’d sit like a dumb little kid, listening to every word that turned my dad into a demon instead of human. My mom had always been a captivating story teller, if I could convince her to tell me any.

    Mom told me about how Dad wasn’t just good with computers, but was secretly a member of Anonymous. How one of his friends from work was too, how they were dangerous people who would do anything for what they wanted. I always tried to get a glimpse of Dad’s computer whenever he thought he was alone, like an audience watching a magician.

    She spoke in hushed tones about the assassins that were being sent after her because she had figured out the truth. She would tell me to be quiet when she wasn’t in the living room or attached kitchen, listening to those in the living room as though she expected to overhear plots of murder from the other side of a closed door. I kept quiet, listening in like a kid waiting to hear Santa.

    Mom cried about Dad’s secret second family, with a wife and kids that he went to after work. She sobbed and revealed things about their physical relationship, or lack thereof, that a 14 year old never needs to know. I charted when Dad came home every day. I used Google Maps to figure out where he could be going, tried to reverse math a paycheck to see how much he was actually working. Like a reader trying to figure out a mystery novel.

    In the end my work was for nothing, all just following hallucinations from an undiagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. Perhaps Mom was the myth all along, frequently disappearing into the night until I was home from school the next day, chased by her own thoughts.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Ouch, that was heavy. Again.

      I worry if these last prompts might not be stirring some emotions way too much. I hope you are okay.

      And, from the perspective of the story – this is once again really engaging. Sad, sure, but the way you put it give it an aura of mystery and drama – and, later, a conclusion that is both sad and poetic – that is really fascinating to follow.

      Maybe being a captivating storyteller runs in the family.

      I really loved that image of being chased by one’s own thoughts as the ending for the narrative. It wraps the whole grandiose thing about the stories and the mystery implied, explain it all, gives them a place without neither cashing in on all the tension nor being unsatisfied. The tension remains, but that story is over.

      Which seems incredibly fitting.

      Really great story. Thanks for sharing.

      1. Asher Fable Avatar
        Asher Fable

        I’ve had a lot of counseling the last 5 or so years, so the emotions aren’t nearly as upsetting as they used to be. In a way it’s actually liberating, writing down bits and pieces to show to more than just my friends.

        I mentioned in the last piece that we moved around a LOT while I was growing up, which meant there wasn’t much in my life that stayed constant. Reading was one of those few constants, I’d read almost anything I could get my little hands on…I was reading things like Inkheart by grade 3 (a lot of kids definitely thought I was weird because of that).

        I’ve been writing since before I actually knew HOW to write, nonsensical squiggles on notebooks that only I could read…I made worlds with friends that would never leave me. It’s something I’ve loved to do all my life, even if the start was sad. Writing now is natural, fulfilling and (sometimes) a better way to process emotions than talking or thinking.

        Thank you for your hopes.

      2. Asher Fable Avatar
        Asher Fable

        Some of my friends jokingly say “you had a difficult childhood, the least you deserve is to make a story out of it”.

    2. J. J. Peterson Avatar
      J. J. Peterson

      Wow! That is quite a powerful story. At first I was unsure how it could be based on a true story, but the ending was well done and clarified it. I’m unsure whether this story is in any way a reflection of your own life, but if so, stay strong for people will always be there to help you. The tone of this story was quite consistent and very quickly arouse sympathy and interest. Great job!

      1. Asher Fable Avatar
        Asher Fable

        This was my own mom back when I was 14. I’m 29 now, with a loving husband and a few much better mother figures. I rarely think about my parents and even more rarely speak to them.

        It took me a very long time to realize the truth of my life and my mother. These last couple prompts have brought some thoughts back though.

    3. Man. That’s a hell of a story. I’m not sure how much is embellished for the sake of the narrative, but you told me, “none” I’d absolutely believe it.

      Your descriptions of everything are excellent. Highly effective in their simplicity.

      It’s not part of the narrative for obvious reasons, but it honestly makes me curious what your dad was up to to make your mother’s stories so easily believable. For example, was he out of the house a lot, to explain the second family?

      But honestly I don’t expect an answer. Those sorts of questions aren’t for true stories.

      I love the ending though. It wraps up everything in a real but fantastic way.

      1. Asher Fable Avatar
        Asher Fable

        Nothing here is embellished. If I remember right my dad had 15-20 minutes between leaving the house and getting to work/home, he otherwise didn’t really leave the house… that’s why I tried to figure out if he was actually at work as long as he claimed to be. When he wanted to spend time with friends he’d invite them to our place and hang out with them in the living room.

        Everything was just paranoid hallucinations from my mom. I had a closer relationship with my Mom so I believed her without much thought, my Dad often struggled with spending time with me like he wasn’t sure how.

  26. The Missing Link Avatar
    The Missing Link

    Still Sharks
    By: The Missing Link

    “Sit still now,” Sandra said, taking the chicken from the oven.

    Mary tried to do what her mother said. Unfortunately, sitting still was difficult for her. It wasn’t something she thought about. Moving was just… natural. She had learned in school that sharks die when they stopped moving, and something about that felt right.

    The teachers at school scolded her to sit still too, stupid shark killers.

    Sandra put the chicken on the table, and slowly portioned it out around the table, “Looks like daddy is late.”

    Mary hadn’t called her father that in years. Late, that meant waiting to eat, then waiting for mom to say Grace, all the waiting, all the sitting still. The tiny sharks she imagined ran her brain groaned in protest.

    She was utterly failing to sit still.

    It felt like hours before Mary’s sharks were allowed to feed. As it turns out, sharks don’t like cold chicken, but she had to hide that. People got mad when she said what she thought, and after all the talk about how important honesty was. It was confusing, so she pretended. She was good at pretending.

    Apparently bored of their already cold chicken, Mary’s parents brought up their favorite topic.

    “Did you hear what the president said today? Insufferable bastard,” her mother opened up.

    Mary had to keep pretending, hide her discomfort at the conversation as it heated up with the colorful words her parents used to describe the people on the other side of politics. She wasn’t a part of it, but they’d be mad if she left the table, but pretending made it hard to keep the sharks happy. Which… led to her parents’ other favorite topic.

    “Mary, how many times do I need to tell you to sit fucking still?” her mother shouted across the table before going into her usual speech. Mary ignored it at this point, or well, tried to. At the end it came down to how she was a failure, something about her grades, and how the school system burdened her by making Mary get her MMR vaccine.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Oh, boy. Love the take on myth on this one. I was not expecting it.

      But mostly, I love the imagery of Mary and her sharks. That was great in so many ways. The analogies, the poetic quality of it, the dynamism it invites to the story.

      I feel like the sharks should have made appearances into the last paragraphs, as well. I understand their presence in the text had already served a function that would linger for the rest of story, after they are not mentioned again – but I can’t help but miss them.

      Which might be intentional. Maybe what I felt at the end was that I was missing Mary – all the pretending and the situation she found herself in might have suppressed the sharks, made them still… and maybe I’m complaining more as someone uncomfortable with that situation than as a reader that is pointing out a story element that would be more interesting in a different direction.

      Still, I miss the sharks. and I love that story. Great one. May Mary’s sharks find more open oceans for them to swim.

    2. This was such a fantastic read! You did a fantastic job of portraying the mind of a child and showing things from their perspective. What matters to them? What do they hear? I loved all of it.

      My only confusion was to the age of Mary, and that may have been intentional. You mentioned she hasn’t called her father daddy in years, and also mention grades and her being a failure, which make me think she is in her early to late teens. On the other hand, much of her internal dialogue makes her sound like she is in early elementary school. I may just be missing something.

      This story was so fun and definitely cast my mind back quite a few years. Awesome writing.

    3. Brain sharks! I love it! I’m gonna use that from now on.

      Mary’s parents suck. Her mom at least. Her dad didn’t actually say or do anything. And maybe her dad is late so he has to deal with her mom less. But that makes Mary suffer more as well so I guess he does suck after all.

    4. I love the creativity in the storytelling, and the creative twist on the prompt . Imaginary brain sharks translating into physical effects Mary lives through, and all put into an unsupportive and non-understanding environment. Not the kind of story I expected going in but definitely one I greatly enjoyed! Amazing work!

  27. Excerpt from Fae Mythology and Oral Traditions, vol. 1 (a tale from Gaea)‎
    by Taehl‎

    Before the world existed, Afa begat the fertile Bina and decaying Canyb. Their intersection created the known universe, which we call Evriwehr. Then the Dead started appearing like so many unmanifest ideas, and when Bina brought them to life they became the first people – the Fae. They needed someplace to live, so Bina created Gaea, and anchored it in the center of Evriwehr with the impossibly vast tree called the Hyst.

    Canyb was so jealous of Bina’s creations that it excreted Jyrmungendr to eat the Hyst. Jyrmungendr constricts Evriwehr (the lights gleaming in the sky at night are its scales reflecting the sun), and is said to have discovered mythical tower of I. Since the wyrm was going to take nearly forever to eat the Hyst, Canyb broke off a piece of the tree and bade it break down Gaea, thus degrading the piece to Kelp and eventually becoming all other plant life.

    Some of the Dead saw Kelp’s manifestation and wanted to befriend it and learn its secrets. The plants liked them and taught them alchemy and grew bodies for the Dead to inhabit, and these second people called themselves Newt. The third people, who called themselves Lynx, found their own way into the world of the living.

    Then Canyb went to Bina and said “We made all these beings and a world for them to live on, but it’s all chaos and noise, one big undifferentiated moment. We should give them some structure so they can interact meaningfully”. Bina was thus convinced by Canyb that they should each remove one of their eyes to complete the world. Their sacrificed eyes are still visible in the sky today as the two Moons, which manifest and regulate time. The blood Bina and Canyb lost fell to Gaea, creating the salty Oceans, which manifest and regulate change. Thus time and change were inextricably linked, ending the Unmeasurable Era and beginning the First Era…

    1. J. J. Peterson Avatar
      J. J. Peterson

      Good job! This is quite a creative way to combine the prompt of myths and mommies. By having two ‘mommies’ create ‘myths.’ I enjoy your world building, it has a nostalgic feel, mimicking other great myths like the Greek and Roman Myths, Tolkien, and others. In the last paragraph you repeat “which manifest and regulate” I understand this is too further illustrate the sameness between time and change, but it feels off kilter with the rest of the story. Over all, great job and I am interested to hear more.

      1. Perhaps “manifest and regulate” twice may not have been the best choice of words, but I was running out of space and it felt important to distinguish that Moons/Oceans being created effectively gave the universe time/change, and that their motions keep it consistent (at macro scale, at least). That facts like “at first there was no time, but then there was” matters historically, as does “if the Moons stopped existing, so would time”.

        As far as I know, English just doesn’t have words to be more concise, eg. a word for “existing before the universe”, or “a thing that mostly exists outside time but occasionally intersects it”, or “the absence of this thing would make something else stop existing”, or “the motion of this thing regulates a fundamental force”. English kind of assumes that time is constant and things are basically permanent, which isn’t really compatible with the physics of Evriwehr.

        Glad you liked the “classic myth” vibe, that was one of my goals when making the setting’s pre-history. Since the Fae rely on oral tradition, no two tellings of the creation myth are exactly the same, especially with their original language slowly dying out while everyone embraces the Abcedan language. The Newt and Lynx have their own creation myths which generally agree with the Fae version presented here, except for little (and not-so-little) things like the exact names of the 3 godlike beings, and which people walked Gaea first. The truth is likely somewhere in the middle.

        As usual, I had to cut a bunch of stuff since I was way over the word limit. This time, it included everything after the Unmeasurable Era (eg., Fae culture accreting around ancestor worship and major historical figures like Maab and Veloth) (Humans are entirely absent until the Second Era).

  28. Aracnarquista Avatar
    Aracnarquista

    Creative Collision
    by Aracnarquista

    Do you remember our mother, sister?

    I know, I know. We couldn’t really remember her. But I do. You know how it is. I know things I’m not supposed to. The things concealed, hidden… they belong to me. While you have everything else.

    Both of these were her gifts.

    I know. You are always thankful for father’s gifts. The warmth, the light.

    Life.

    But without mother, your gift of life wouldn’t be possible.

    Her sacrifice shaped us, long ago.

    I don’t remember. I just know. It was a different time then. Things were still taking form. None of us were there. Father had somewhat calmed down, and his sons and daughters started coalescing in his light.

    You… didn’t really exist. But there was a hint of you. And mother.

    She had no name. At that time, no one had names yet. The namers who live in your skin hadn’t been born yet. After all, you weren’t born yet.

    But… the Namers call her Theia, after some mythological figure. In their fairy tales, Theia is the mother of Selene, which is a figure they associate with me. And it means “divine”. I think it is fitting.

    Anyway, we don’t really know where mother came from. She came, and she made the ultimate sacrifice to give us life. Well, to give you life.

    My deal is something else.

    As I said, we never met her, but I catch glimpses of her philosophy. Creation comes from chaos. Contrast begets novelty. The new comes from an act of love that implies the end of the giver.

    Theia, our mother, launched herself in a crazy descent towards what father dreamed of you… And that dream, born of heat and light, clashed with the strangeness that was our mother, with her desire for something that was not yet possible, and it shaped something incredible.

    It shaped us. Her twin daughters.

    And she was gone. Yet, she lives in us. And it is what she gave us that shapes us. My vision. Your host of life.

    Don’t you remember mother, sister Earth?

    1. Asher Fable Avatar
      Asher Fable

      This is a super interesting take on the prompt. A myth of Earth’s creation, told by another.

      I love the way this is worded, mostly simple yet elegant in a way that shows the speaker is more than a mere mortal. It gives off this feeling of a kind, nurturing being that I would listen to for hours.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for the comment!

        Now that I think about it, I hadn’t really think all that much on the “voice” I wanted this particular narrator to have – which is a good thing, or else I’d be a bit overwhelmed by the task. I’m really glad with this feedback on how it felt to you.

        I was a bit unsure on this one. I feel like I’m being draw more and more to being inspired by celestial bodies and phenomena, and I’m not really sure how I feel about that pull. But the Theia’s hypothesis seemed so fitting with the prompt, I guess I had to try my hand at it.

    2. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      A creation myth was neat way to take the prompt. Second person pov is something I’m weary of for many reasons, but here it makes perfect sense for this as it gives the feeling that your actually sitting there talking with this person who is telling you this story (perfect for relaying something like a creation myth).This was well written and has the feel of a real story that could’ve been told hundreds of years ago. Well done!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for the feedback!

        I know second person can be a daring proposition, and most often than not it falls flat. Yet, there are some stories that just need to be told in that register. And in this particular idea, it just seemed fitting – specially considering it is her sister talking to Earth of all people – maybe, including all her people.

        And, well, the narrator is someone that we could be in the presence of, depending on the timing and weather conditions of when one reads it.

        Thanks a lot.

    3. Sanguinerus Avatar
      Sanguinerus

      Okay so you’ve really thrown me for a loop here lol. I’m sure you’re aware I normally like to focus on setting the scene and using the senses. I like to think this focus really helps the reader understand the setting and the characters, but to hold this story by this standard would obviously be a touch incongruous.

      Though I guess you could say you set the scene with a single word lol: “Selene”
      The protagonist and the scene are one in the same.

      Then there’s the use of the senses, again, this doesn’t apply here. Though you could have included it if you wanted as she is a goddess/personification, but this story isn’t about a human/humanlike experience and as such the senses are a bit inadequate in conveying the scene.

      So I’ll have to just look at the content of the story, I do like it, I do have a soft spot for Greek stuff. I can’t really think of a way to improve upon it as it’s quite unique, though it was fun to read. Great job!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for the comment, Sanguinerus. Yeah, I confess that while I was writing my impressions on your story, I caught myself thinking: “I’m pretty sure things will get a little bit strange if Sanguinerus review my story – I didn’t use the sense at all to build the setting this time!”. To be quite frank, I though about including some sensory information (for some time while writing, I had the distinct idea I could play with the smell of burning rock, and more interestingly, propioception in feeling the tides and even something about a perception of Earth’s magnetic field), but I also feared I’d need to change the voice of the narrator a little bit too much for this to work… and I run out of words.

        I think it is interesting how it can be interpreted more in a mythological tone than I intended. Sure, I use the names of mythical Greek characters, but here it is more a coincidence due to how our cosmological nomenclature conventions work (and, in the case of Selene, a bit of poetic flair on my part).

        Anyway, thanks again for the thorough feedback!

    4. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      So instead of Mother Earth, it’s sister Earth. Clever. I like how the narrator(Which I assume is the moon) never met their mother, yet tries her best to describe her in all her strangeness. The fact that this is told like a heroic tale of sacrifice also adds to the story, it implies that the moon loves her strange mother, despite not getting the gift of life.

      The cherry on top is that it feels almost like a bedtime story an older sister would tell to her younger one, since the moon is the symbol of the night.

      Good job!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Yup! The narrator is indeed the moon.

        Most of the concept behind this story came from reading about the Theia Impact or the Giant Impact hypothesis on the formation of the moon – which, in fact, is a story on the formation of the whole Moon-Earth system. According to that hypothesis, a lot of what makes the Earth what it is – such as Earth’s tilted axis (which gives us seasons), high content of water, and Earth’s somewhat massive core (which gives us our magnetic field) – so, at least on that account, Theia would indeed be responsible for Earth’s ability to host life.

        I couldn’t resist turning that whole thing into a mythical narrative about motherhood, sacrifice and remembrance.

        Thanks a lot for the comment.

    5. Wow!

      I had no idea who or what these characters were until the last sentence. It took a bit of thinking and perusing the other comments to understand it fully, but by GOD it all works!

      It even explains the mother’s philosophies.

      Creation comes from chaos: understanding that destruction and paths set in motion by unforeseeable yet predictable elements. You can guess what happens, but overall you’ll never know until it happens. In this case it could be love that struck their mother, loving an idea that created something NEW!

      Contrast begets novelty: two different things colliding to make something new, keeping life interesting, yet requires a sacrifice from those that make it. Perhaps something simple as time or ideals, because they were so enthralled by the idea of another, or something seriously taxing or ‘all or nothing’.

      The new comes from an act of love that implies the end of the giver: a philosophy that exists naturally and ranges from microscopic to COSMIC LEVELS!

      The more I read this story the more layers I see on top of one another. The Giant Impact Theory and the many references to it by the telling of the characters births. The only thing I’m left wondering is who the father is. I can only guess that it’s the remnents of a sun that exploded, or the result of the Big Bang.

      Regardless, I have found more entertainment in this story, and I wish I had more like this when I was a kid, because I live regretting not knowing anything beyond an astrology lesson at a planetarium.

      Anyways, here’s a like I found while speeding through the space. CATCH!! *space yeets*

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for the comment, Joe.

        That feedback was amazing. I love seeing every bit of detail you provide about how the philosophy of creation through chaos, contrast and sacrifice resounded for you. (I confess I was a little bit inspired by some ideas present in Yevgeny Zamyatin’s We – a reading I can’t recommend enough).

        That was a very fun experiment, and I really was not sure if all the elements would fit together or if they would even make sense after all. I’m very glad that not only it seems to have worked, but also that this kind of layered meaning was possible.

        And, after all, that is a story of lingering love.

        By the way, now that you put it to question, I’m a bit in doubt who indeed should be considered the father cited there. While I was writing, I was almost certainly referring to the Sun… but now I can see that it could as well refer to a previous star whose explosion provided the elements for the formation of all the bodies in the Solar system. In fact, it could even be one of the universal constants or rules that govern our understanding of the universe.

        I’d say the Moon certainly knows. For those things that are not clear, the mysteries, they belong to her.

        Again, thanks a lot for all the feedback!

    6. I just love this story. The mood, the tone, you just hit everything perfectly.
      I’m not too sure if it’s because of the cold, but I didn’t get that this was the moon talking to the earth at first (though with ‘Selene’ being mentioned, that one was the moon I did get a little earlier than the other one), but it didn’t really matter to me, it came together wonderfully in the end anyway.
      Really, the language is amazing. Just as this story is, I just love it.

      Thank you for writing and sharing it!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Taja.

        What can I say? I like to write stories where not all is clear from the beginning, and then things might or might not start making sense as one progresses throught it. Most of the time, I try to give at least one important element at the end to recontextualize everything if other points were not perceived before. I´m not sure if and when I do these they will work or not, so it is always a very pleasant surprise to get praise for making it work

        And I know that I went for a bit of obscurity in some of the elements in this one. Theia the titan is not that well know of a character, but Theia the hypotethical planet? I’m probably being a bit too specific with my inspiration here.

        Anyway, I’m very glad in being able to land the tone and language. I wanted something emotive and mysterious, something caring and meditative, which hinted at being more intuitive than all knowing… even if telling a story from before her own time. I’m very glad you found the story appealing!

        Thanks again!

    7. It may be that I am unacquainted with Greek mythology, but I do believe that this is about Earth and her twisted sister Venus. This is a cool piece, borderlining on xenofiction. It feels alien and unfamiliar, but just understandable enough to hold on. The casual way the universe works feels apropriate. My question is, Why does Venus see things that she shouldn’t? cool piece overall!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot.

        Xenofiction, feeling alien and unfamiliar… I will take that all as compliments (and I know they were intended as such). And not any compliments – I am really glad and satisfied with the choice of these words to comment the story.

        In fact, the use of names from Greek mythology is more a happy coincidence about astronomical bodies nomenclature convention than a nod towards said mythology. What I tried to do was to tell the story of the Earth and Moon system formation acording to a hypothesis called the Giant Impact theory: that the moon was formed when another planet, roughly the size of Mars, collided with the proto-Earth. That impact resulted in the elements of both planets merging, and part of their mass ejected… this ejected material would in part fall back and be integrated into what we would call Earth, but a small part of it would ultimately coalesce into the Moon (there is a very interesting video from PBS Spacetime on youtube explaining it in a very didatic and fascinating way, if you are interested). What happens is that I was inspired by that particular story, but chose to write it as a tale of motherly sacrifice and the creation of new “life”.

        So the narrator, in my view, is the Moon (she points out the “namers” [humans] associate Selene with her), and the whole thing about what is hidden belonging to her is based on how the Moon is often associated with intuition and hidden, inner knowledge in some mystic tradition (so, hey, in fact I was relying in some mythic elements after all!). And a convenient excuse for my narrator to have a way of knowing what happened before her own creation/birth.

        Thanks a lot for the comment!

    8. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      I always love when the last line of a story makes me go back and immediately reread it with new eyes. I think that’s a technique that excels in these short stories because the reader doesn’t really have long enough to be frustrated that they don’t have all the information like they could in a longer work.

      As a mother myself, I was really touched by the line “The new comes from an act of love that implies the end of the giver.” Because man, when I became a mom for the first time, it felt so much like the “me” from before was just gone forever. At times it felt like there was nothing left of me but “mom.” I didn’t have the time or energy for anything else. But I think the word “implies” is the right one, because there is still a lot of me left, just a different me, and maybe a better me. And while Theia is gone in the story, her influence lives on, showing that it really wasn’t her end either.

      I just love the image of the moon whispering these long lost secrets to her sister, very different sisters connected by an unseen hand. It’s really just a lovely piece all around.

      Thanks so much for sharing it!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for your feedback, Rose.

        So glad you like this style. I think it is a somewhat risky proposition, but I like to experiment with having a revelatory moment that changes the reading on a second time. Some of the stories I wrote I like the most use that same structure, and it just came naturally to this one.

        And I also love that image of the moon confiding some reminescences to the Earth… as soon as it was conjured, I knew I had to write something along those lines.

        About the whole thing about the love that brings out the new by abandoning something old – I wanted it to be a bit ambiguous in the story, since I know there are way too many ways to interpret that idea. I have a lot of friends who are mothers, and I’ve heard about how the birth of a child has completely changed them – or, in some times, completely changed how they are then perceived. I thing this can be both a really beautiful image but also a terrifying one, and for this particular story, I leaned on the hopeful (though it don’t escape my thoughts that Theia herself never said a word or her version of the story, we have to rely on the words of the Moon). The story could have taken a very different approach… but I like how this one turned out being. And I’m having a blast with the feedback, and how some of them are directly connected to the life and experiences of the readers.

        Again, thanks a lot for your feedback, Rose. Your words are greatly appreciated.

    9. Oliver Enslad Avatar
      Oliver Enslad

      I love this version of the prompt, it’s always captivating how someone can take something so grand as the earth, and make it as small as a conversation. I’ve always had struggles with writing long dialogue, and it does get slightly confusing who’s who, but it’s still handled beautifully nonetheless. I feel as this one I do get a bit lost in, I’ve reread it a couple times to try to pick which is Earth, Sun, or Moon, so I do think this deserves more length for detail and perhaps painting the stage for this dialogue. Never the less, it reads like a smooth poem and ends with a final question that, as someone who doesn’t quite know their mother, weighs on my mind like an anchor. What a delightful tale.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for your comment and feedback, Oliver.

        I love how you put the idea of taking something grand and making it small into words. I think most stories gain something from the scales being played with. Grand events must be turned approachable for us to experience them, and small things can hold all the significance and emotional weight of the world, if one just decides to invest in it.

        I imagined the whole piece here as a small monologue. All that is said, at least in my mind, was said by the Moon. Maybe the Earth is answering, maybe not, but regardless, we have no access to her answers in the writing.

        Though I’m now wuite intrigued on how you’d allocate the different moments of the narration to different characters. This could be a very interesting exercise in derivative fiction or in recontextualizing a story.

        Thanks a lot!

        1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
          Oliver Enslad

          Oh my gosh I feel so dim, I read it more as the moon and sun talking back and forth. Admittedly, I’ve been sleep deprived so it may have skewed my view on it before.

          Now that I realize it’s all one monologue, it is even more amazing at the end!

          I started reading it as if it was siblings talking back and forth, and then I assumed it might’ve been the sun and moon talking over earth as if it wasn’t there. The skin infection part also made me think it had a sad sisterly bond.

          Now that I properly read it, it’s lovely and poetic! Thank you so much for writing!

          1. Aracnarquista Avatar
            Aracnarquista

            Well, after reading your comment, I decided to do a little experiment with indentation, turning the whole monologue into a dialogue. I just took each paragraph break and considered that when it happens, we change the character talking… and I was really surprised that it mostly work as a dialogue as well. There is some strangeness in one or two moments of change, and in that the person who talks about a gift of vision is at first one of them, and then the other… but apart from that – it strangely works as a dialogue. And more than that, it works as a dialogue and creates some curious questions. In the dialogue form, the one who hosts life does not consider life itself her deal. And I find that fascinating.

            Well, maybe your sleep-deprived reading was, after all, a gift from the Moon. I thought I’ve written one story in one format – but now I suspect I have written a bit more than that, without even knowing! So thanks for showing me that reading possibility as well.

  29. Norman Gray Avatar
    Norman Gray

    The Son From Siren’s Isle
    By Norman Gray

    I am a Siren’s son. Long ago born in a place that is only found by those well and truly lost.

    As a boy, mother sang to me of a man who had once visited our island, and escaped with his life. It was through her melodies that I would come to know of my father, for mother spoke only in song.

    And I, knowing naught else, inquired in kind.

    She sang of him only as a lover; she knew that he had a stronger will than most mortals. What manner of man was he, to escape from Siren’s Isle? To earn affection where most men weren’t even given mercy?

    Mother raised me, cared for me; I believe she saw in me, a part of him. . . But as I grew, we both knew another life awaited me. I was not to live and die in this place.

    In my teenage years, she spared another voyager; a fishing boat captain, lost at sea.

    For him, her song was a plea:

    ‘A young boy, born where men come to die.
    A grown man awaits him, beyond the tides.’

    I went aboard his boat, and bid my mother goodbye, putting my fate firmly in the hands of a stranger.

    Our venture across the sea, was long. The captain spoke in a horrid accent; his dialect was without rhyme, without melody! Yet, he was dumbstruck by my voice. . .

    My language, though to me it was as natural as breathing, I would come to learn was a tremendous gift among ordinary men. To the mainlanders, it was as if I had the power of the Siren’s themselves. They would gather from far and wide, relishing the opportunity to hear my voice. . .

    And so I began my journey; traveling the world, sharing my songs, seizing my destiny, and becoming a man.

    And yet, a part of me remained unfulfilled.

    It is a Siren’s nature, to anchor men by their own heartstrings. Yet one man escaped mother’s embrace. . .

    I looked forward to finding my father, someday. Wherever he was.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This is surprising. You managed to make a story in which both parents of the narrator are “myths”, though in very different ways. I really like this idea.

      This is a very neat concept, and there are some incredible ideas orbiting it. I specially like that the Siren-like nature of the protagonist is not show just in the effect he has on others, but also in how he feels about this effect and how it compels him to search for the one that escaped the Siren’s spell. Is it because he is his father? Is it because of the effect he left in his mother? Is it because he is just that special and could escape both of them?

      Yeah, there is a myth there. Another one.

      So, really nice story, really interesting premise. There is a small thing that troubles the flow of it a little, in that there is a consistent strangeness in comma placement – a small overuse (such as in “I believe she saw in me, a part of him” and “Our venture across the sea, was long”). Nothing too egregious, but just something that made the journey a little bit bumpy.

      Really, really interesting concept. Great story.

    2. Vriesn Silver Avatar
      Vriesn Silver

      Very fascinating!

      This story seemed to have also been affected by a Siren’s nature as the main character had. I can feel that there is a sense of poetic rhythm to it, which is why there is an overuse of commas as mentioned by Aracnarquista earlier. It was a means to show breaks between sentences, but instead, it had sometimes become a barrier between context and meaning.

      It’s best to reread and edit out some of these breaks at sentences where it is not necessary to be quite as poetic. Still, it’s not bad of a style to have. Just some moderation will do you well to integrate the advantages of both aspects.

      Other than that, I think the plot is quite a novelty though I had perhaps not read enough of other entries for this prompt. I don’t normally enjoy first-person stories quite as much, but you’ve wrapped this one up well and it did not pull me away from the immersion much. Good job!

  30. Sanguinerus Avatar
    Sanguinerus

    Most Hateful To Gods And Men
    By Sanguinerus

    Jason wandered through the wheat fields outside of Corinth, his face was a picture of grief and his eyes flowed with tears.

    “How could you do this?” He cried to a woman not present. “How am I deserving of such wrath? This pain and sorrow is so great I cannot stand it.”

    Jason screamed a cry of pure emotion and fell silent in his sorrow for a few moments before voicing his thoughts once more to the wind. “This punishment is so much that neither Sisyphus nor Prometheus could envy me, for I suffer an eternity every second!” He cried.

    “To feel as Daedalus did as Icarus fell into the sea as he could do nothing but watch, I feel his pain as my own.” Jason stared into the dirt for a moment.

    “I feel as Demeter did when Persephone was taken from her, and she grew cold, as my children were taken from me, I too grow cold.” Jason fell to his knees, cupping his face in his hands.

    “Hera herself could cast no greater curse than to deprive me of my Glauce and my children” Jason turned his focus towards the sun and shouted in anger. “Helios! You must not hide her from me! Her actions are not just! I call you out to bring her to me!”

    Jason rose to his feet and awaited a response, but nothing came. The wind howled, causing the wheat to sway. “My grief grabs at my throat and labours my breath, how could you do this? To your own children, Medea.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      So… I’m probably not the best person to comment on this, since I have a very strong relation with the story of Medea – and the first paragraph was enough for me to know where it was going. And I think you did a good enough job in using a similar style of plea to the gods in grief as would be expected in an epic classical story – but Jason as a character is someone I really can’t empathize with, so I have a bit of a hard time getting into the place I feel like I’m required to be to really appreciate it.

      I may be wrong, but I think there is something in the format that might turn appreciation for the piece a bit more difficult than it should. At least to my eyes, this story kind of requires prior knowledge of the myth of Medea… but the way you structured the story seems to imply the “reveal” of Jason grieving for Medea’s act as a culminating point. I don’t think that note would really have struck if the reader don’t already know the myth, and to those that already know it, it will not really be a reveal. So I find the way it is structured a little bit odd.

      Despite that, this is very well written, and I think it emulates an style we would expect for such a narrative and the register that would be used for it.

      1. Sanguinerus Avatar
        Sanguinerus

        Thank you for your comment.

        “I have a very strong relation with the story of Medea” I hope you’re not saying you killed your children to get back at your partner cheating on you too? Lol.

        Yeah, Jason is kind of an arsehole but the prompt strongly reminded me of this story and I went with it.

        It would be helpful to be familiar with the story of Jason and Medea but this was mostly about trying out a different style for me.

        Thanks again.

    2. This story is very well written! The dialogue especially comes across very powerful and works for the time period. Each pained reference hits the mark. I do feel that if I were more familiar with the story itself I would have a better clue of what exactly was going on, but I have a good gist of it and I think it does work.

      1. Sanguinerus Avatar
        Sanguinerus

        Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it.

    3. “Um. I think you mean your children.” Flips the double bird.

      Well! I just read up on Jason and the Golden Fleece and I gotta say that I have not laughed that hard at a myth since Loki tied his nuts to the beard of a goat and played tug-of-war to get a goddess to laugh.

      I mean, Medea kills the woman Jason cheated on her with, then kills the kids she had with Jason, and ASCENDED to Olympus in a flexing T-pose. Then Jason goes back to his hometown, throneless, maidenless, friendless, family-less, and boatless since the Argo is now a museum piece. Which when he sits next to it, a beam breaks off the ship and BONKS him on the head, KILLING HIM!

      I don’t care who anyone is, THAT’S FUNNY.

      Anyways, in your rendition of this myth you managed to capture the essence of who Jason is as a person by having him compare his pain to others like its a competition, and failing to acknowledge what he did wrong at all. That makes him a good character prepped for development, or the final result. But we know what happens next.😏

      I enjoyed the feeling of ease I had with the simplicity of the setting, the solitude and the monologue that revealed something of the character. It’s very straightforward.

      I’m also curious. You mentioned that you were trying something different. I haven’t read enough of your stuff to notice a difference in your writing. What was it that you wanted to try out with this prompt?

      1. Sanguinerus Avatar
        Sanguinerus

        Thank you, I’m glad you picked up on the narcissistic aspect of it, I was even going to add a reference to Narcissus but I felt it would be too on the nose.

        I also didn’t want to make it a comedy, my goal here was to invoke a feeling of pain and try to caputre that overly dramatic style.

        I have no empathy for someone who would cheat on their spouse, so I couldn’t take away from the selfish aspect.

        Thank you very much for your comment.

  31. The Most Enigmatic House of Armitage (Darkspell Universe)
    By Alex Nightingale (aka Spectre)

    In the small town of Robin’s Grove, a lush village where the forests still sometimes harbour fairy tales, stands a house. It is a big house, a manor house, surrounded by dense shrubs, small trees and red roses, creeping up the walls. The smell of that particular flower emanated through the air around the manor, its garden and its inhabitants.

    The name of the manor was Rosewood House. And the name on the letterbox was Armitage.

    People often avoided Rosewood House, but that doesn’t mean it was lifeless. Bees and butterflies were flying around the roses, which in turn attracted birds. Animals seemed to lack a certain instinct, which kept people at bay. An instinct, which told anyone that something was going to punish them for everything they did wrong.

    The family that inhabited Rosewood House, the Armitages, were avoided at all costs. Some people claimed they saw them wandering around town, but very few believed them. How could they be believed? They were still able to form cohesive thoughts. They say that, if an Armitage knocks on your door with one of their briefcases, your sanity is forfeit.

    The children of the Armitages are said to be almost mortal in their behaviour; mortal enough, to hold names at least. Names like Emily or Daniel or Scott. Despite this, their gaze is anything but mortal. Looking into the eyes of an Armitage is like looking into a sun, its glare made up of guilt and the absolute certainty that your sins have just been revealed.

    The children, however, have nothing on their mother. The Matron of Rosewood House, simply known as Mrs. Armitage, is as mortal as a deity can be. Her mere presence is enough to send anyone with a soul cowering into a dark corner, hoping that its is not them, that her briefcase is meant for; that the souls contained within are the ones wronged by someone else.

    Hardly a name is as equally celebrated and feared than Armitage. They are the children of mortal revenge and Mrs. Armitage is their mother.

    1. Vriesn Silver Avatar
      Vriesn Silver

      An interesting tale! Revenge incarnate and their revered mother. This is definitely a tale that would keep anyone who lived nearby in fear of guilt. I think you described the enigmatic charm and majesty of such a family quite well.

      I felt that adding ‘celebrated’ in the last line clashed a bit with the veil of fear and mystery that you seemed to be trying to cover the eyes of the reader with. However, it still brings with it the condescending feel of an ultimatum and that’s a good ending that I am happy with.

      One other thing of note, I noticed that there seemed to be many times where an addition of descriptions is embedded in a sentence. I understand that this may be a word count limit problem and it did help add details that otherwise would have been left unwritten. Still, it baffled my eyes a little when I started reading. After all, one can’t help but read the description you added first before actually reading the sentence. This means that the focus will shift to the description instead of whatever action is being described. This can be favorable, but not always. Take note where you can leave the description to the reader’s imagination!

      Other than that, very good and very interesting. ^w^

  32. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    Marion’s Mystery (The “Bear”)
    by Lee Strangely

    As the door flung open, Marion was met by a wall of dust and damp musk. Standing there gagging, she wondered whether Clark was too busy to maintain his own home, or simply didn’t want to. Either way, a living soul clearly hadn’t set foot there in a long time.

    Obscured photographs covered the walls, while taxidermied critters stood proud with cobweb cloaks. Dried-up rubber bands held cabinets shut. Glass cases hid beneath white blankets. Out of curiosity, she unveiled one of the cases.

    It seemed to be a skull. Quite large. Very long… Lots of teeth…

    The sight petrified Marion. So much so that her ringing phone nearly scared her to death.

    “H-hi Mom!” she answered while observing the pictures above her.

    “How are you?” her mom asked, “how’s everything going?”

    “Good. GOOD. Everything’s good… Just settling in at Clark’s house.”

    “That’s great! How is he?”

    “Fine, I guess…” Marion stared at the images, particularly a photo of her family. The bottom of the worn paper looked uneven… like if it were torn or crumbled. “I don’t know what he’s supposed to be like… I only just met him an hour ago.”

    “Don’t worry, you’ll have time to get to know each other.”

    The other pictures mostly documented Clark’s travels with other people. Each place they posed in looked more exotic than the last.

    “Speaking of your brother,” her mom asked, “is he with you?”

    “No, he stayed behind to help transport his ‘pet,’” Marion exclaimed, prying open a nearby cabinet. It was loaded with gear, tools… weapons… Though, she was more drawn to the scratched up, dorky pith helmet with a reddish-brown stain that sat in the middle of it all.

    Her mom prattled on, “Aww, Clarks got a furry friend? What is it? A dog? Cat?”

    “It-it’s… something…” She felt chills looking back at the photographs. One in particular, looked to be in a jungle. Clark stood in front of a massive crate as a dark paw poked out of it. Alongside was someone else, wearing a pith helmet. Same marks… but no stain…

    1. Sniperaxiom Avatar
      Sniperaxiom

      I like the suspense in the story. It feels ominous and that feeling is kinda contrasted by the oblivious mother. Right as Marion walked into Clark’s home it felt like something sinister was going to be discovered and I was invested and curious to what it could be. The entire story was just really well executed. It leaves curious for more but not feeling like the story was unfinished. Good job :D!

    2. Sanguinerus Avatar
      Sanguinerus

      Alrighty then, as I always say I like to focus on setting the scene and using the senses in my critiques as these help the reader picture the scene and get in the shoes of the characters:

      My my, you really went all out setting the scene here, fantastic stuff; we start with a door, a lot of dust and a smell, using smell to help set a scene is really good.
      Then there’s photos, taxidermied critters with cobwebs, cabinets with dried rubber bands, glass cases under white blankets and a large skull with lots of teeth. There’s a plethora of things filling this small world, graphic detail which all works to set a specific mood. This is delightful.

      As for the using the senses, I always say given the word limit try to have a least 2 instances of your characters using their senses:

      Obviously the “damp musk” refers to smell, but it’s a passive reference and the way it’s written doesn’t necessarily relate to the character’s experience, though I’ll count it as the protagonist is alone, so we’re forced to associate it with her. (Bear in mind all comments are subjective and I’m picky, sorry).

      “The sight petrified Marion. So much so that her ringing phone nearly scared her to death.” These are 2 more indirect references, 1 to sight and the other to sound, not bad.

      “she answered while observing the pictures above her” A great use of sight.

      “Marion stared at the images, particularly a photo of her family” This is the same use of sight, the addition of her family photo stops it from being redundant, but it’s still tautology.

      5 instances of your character using her senses is brilliant. Great stuff, it really helps the reader experience the story.

      I notice however, that your story starts very exposition heavy, then flips to being dialogue heavy at the end; I would recommend trying to more evenly distribute these things like you do in the middle of the story to help it flow a little better. That being said, injecting too much dialogue into the beginning might ruin the mood you’re trying to convey. Altogether, very well done. Great job!

    3. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Your descriptions are really evocative, and since this particular story is all about exploring the house (and the contrast of dealing with that phone conversation), that paints a nice picture. Well, not nice, really. Frightening. Ominous. Probably unsafe. Most certainly terrifying.

      Why is Marion not running already?

      And, yeah, I think I remember the “bear” (the one who had some features a bear was not supposed to have, if I am not mistaken). And although that whole thing is mistery enough, I think the tone in this one is even more ominous. The contrast of what is being conveyed in the phone call and what is being experienced in the house makes for a deliciously uncomfortable feeling. Really interesting for this story.

      Really immersive one. Great one!

  33. The Woman, the Myth, the Mother. [Ver.2.0] (Chronicles of The Dragon)
    By Makokam

    Kat woke up and winced as she uncurled on the cave floor. There was a soft thud and she turned to see a paper bag sitting behind her. She looked up at the silhouette of her father sitting a few yards down the tunnel.

    “Eat.”

    Though it had been at least a day since her last meal, she had no desire to take anything he offered. Her body had other ideas.

    She opened the bag slowly. Inside there was a burger, french fries, and a bag of apple slices. She pulled out the burger and stared at it for a moment before taking a bite.

    She stared at her meal, chewing, then looked up at her father.“Why are you doing this?”

    “Because you need to eat.”

    “Don’t smart-ass me! Why haven’t you just killed me?”

    Jonathan sighed and crumpled his food bag. “I want to help you. Your mom wanted to help you. I waited for you to calm down, but then you got married. So I just… kept an eye on you. And then… Well, you went off the deep end and tried to end the world. I wasn’t left with a lot of options.”

    Kat fiddled with her burger for a moment. “Tell me about her.” She took a large bite.

    Jonathan took a deep breath. “Your mo- Sera’s real passion was fashion design. Almost everything she wore was her own design. She was incredibly smart and could out-negotiate almost anyone. She got better deals than all her competitors and she passed her savings on to her staff. She never missed a business opportunity.” Jonathan chuckled. “Once a guy was caught dealing drugs in her club, and she convinced him to give her a percentage.

    “She made a lot of enemies though. There were more than a few attempts on her life. Once I was at her side though, they all but gave up. We were happy.” He paused. He didn’t move. She wasn’t even sure he was breathing. “We got careless. And that’s when…” Kat watched his hands clench.

    She didn’t need him to finish.

    1. I always love learning more about your characters

    2. Sanguinerus Avatar
      Sanguinerus

      I have no idea what COTD refers to, but it’s a well structured story regardless.

      I do like to focus on setting the scene and using the senses:

      Here, for the scene we have our protagonist in a cave on the floor, there’s a bag which we soon find out has food and there’s her father a few yards away, this is a great start to help the reader interpret the scene.

      As for using the sesnses I always say try to use at least 2 instances of characters percieving things. This helps the reader get in the shoes of the character.

      “There was a soft thud” ambiguous use of sound, a good start.

      “She stared at her meal for a moment, then looked up at her father.” Two uses of sight consecutively, this is great, also the style of this use infers the character’s state of mind.

      “Jonathan sighed” Good use of proprioception.

      “and crumpled his bag” an ambiguous use of touch, though I will say this bag wasn’t mentioned earlier, which is a small detail but it screws with the continuity slightly and it would have been good to introduce the bag in the scene earlier (Chekov’s gun). This is still a good detail though.

      “Kat fiddled with her burger for a moment.” Another use of touch, you’re doing a fantastic job of conveying both characters experiences here and it goes a long way to keep the reader engaged.

      “Jonathan took a deep breath.” The same us of proprioception, this is okay, but he already sighed so it feels redundant.

      “Kat watched his hands clench.” Another great use of sight, also conveying the emotional state of Kat’s father.

      I said it’s good to use at least 2 uses of the senses, you have 8 here by my count, really great stuff and very difficult to include given the word limit. Extremely engaging. Great job!

      1. Well, after getting some feedback, I’ve made some changes. One of which is going back to “Chronicles of The Dragon” instead of “COTD”

        I’m happy to hear you liked all the “sound actions” and such. I’m a fan of them myself, but I always feel like people in general aren’t.

        Thanks for the comments!

    3. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      As always, good writing. I like the part where he says “Your mo- Sera” Brings up many questions.
      The ending is perfect as well.

      1. Thank you!

        “Your mother” is a dangerous combination of words to use with her.

    4. Asher Fable Avatar
      Asher Fable

      This is…for a writer I struggle greatly with describing what is good about what I’m reading.

      Nonetheless I enjoy this, a calm and down to earth conversation between father and daughter that clearly comes after some massive event. And this child, feeling angry and betrayed, asking about the mother she struggles to remember…you can feel the father’s love with each word.

      1. Thank you!
        And ya know what? Fair.

        I really like your take on my story. Didn’t expect it to come across that way. Makes me think I should encourage you to catch up on the lore. On the other hand…maybe it’s better you don’t.

        1. Asher Fable Avatar
          Asher Fable

          I’ve been going back for a few weeks, writing out things for the old prompts even if I don’t post them and reading the stories. I’ve just reached “Season of the Witch”.

          1. Ah! Well enjoy!
            Season of the Witch, eh?
            Then you’ve probably seen a few Jonathan stories then, if you’ve been looking. But only one other Kat story, in a way.
            Hope you enjoy my other stories if you see them!

            1. Asher Fable Avatar
              Asher Fable

              I have absolutely enjoyed them so far!

    5. I do really like this one. I think it’s easily the most calm conversation I’ve seen between Jonathan and Kat. And that it started out so adorable with her so begrudgingly eating fast food. It had me hooked immediately.

      I like how you were able to get their relationship across so well in such a short amount of time. I do think people unfamiliar with your world will be able to follow what’s going on without it coming across as clunky exposition.

      You also did a good job of making Sera sound like really interesting, but not some perfect, idolized fantasy. I’m personally a big fan of him pointing out that she didn’t stop the guy from selling drugs at her bar, she just had him give her a cut. As well as the fact that she made a lot of enemies.

      The trailing off at the end was very well done as well. If you know, you know, and if you don’t know, its the right amount of intriguing.

      The only critique I have would be the first sentence. It doesn’t need the “When” at the beginning unless you’re going to connect the first two sentences together.

      All in all an awesome take on the prompt!

    6. Wavebook21 Avatar
      Wavebook21

      Wow, I loved your response to the prompt. It was cool to see the way you described the mother through mostly her actions and I think it painted a very compelling picture of her. I like the implication of the threat of death at the beginning that set the tone the rest of the short story.

      1. Thank you!

        Kat and Jonathan have a very complicated relationship. And to be honest the odds are heavily stacked against them. But fortunately for him, he’s can take it. So, maybe, if she’s willing, they can fix things eventually.

    7. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      This story was an interesting look at Sera through Johnathan’s eyes as he seeks to communicate to his alienated daughter about the woman Sera was. It was noteworthy how he starts to call her, her mother. Then stops himself. Which says some interesting stuff in itself about the complicated relationship Kat and Johnathan have with each other, and with Sera. It’s also interesting the way that the meal acts as a bit of a bridging mechanism. A gesture of concern for her well-being, and his explanation about why he kept his distance, and about how both he and Sera cared deeply about her.

  34. Are you my mother?
    By Sam C.

    Yes, My child? What is it? “Am I your mother?” Well, that’s a bit complicated.

    Did I give birth to you? Sure I did, but there are more mothers to you than just I.

    For you see, there are three mothers to us all, and none can claim all three.

    The first mother is the most traditional way to think of it, The Mother of your body. A critical piece of who you are. What you look like, natural advantages and disadvantages, and much of how the world perceives you rely on your body, and the mother who gave it to you. However, this mother is somehow the most superficial one.

    Second, you see, is the mother of your… um, well my child, some things are hard to describe even for adults! The closest word I can think of is “virtue,” but that’s not quite right. You see, the mother of this part of you teaches you the lessons the world has to teach you, they show the path, and engineer your destiny. They keep you safe, provide for you, shape your personality, and invent their plan for you.

    Finally, my child, you must understand that there is one more mother, one we all share, for she is the mother of all. She is the mother of my spirit, and of yours. She breathed life into all there is, she created all that could be imagined, and she created you. She created the birdsong to lull you to sleep, the sheep for blankets, she made the trees to create your bedframe. She threw bits of the sun to the void to be your nightlight, she made the seasons that pass us by, she gave us everything you could ever need.

    I love you, my child, and love the glory of being your mother. I hope beyond all belief that I may be your second mother as well, but unfortunately, Being your mother is a title I may only claim twice, for there is a great mother of all that I will never live up to.

    I love you, My Child.

    1. Sanguinerus Avatar
      Sanguinerus

      Well, I feel this fits the prompt nicely. It’s all monologue, which isn’t bad, my story is also a monologue, but you don’t fill the scene or use the senses so it’s not easy to picture the scene or relate with the character. It is a good take on the prompt however and has an interesting concept.

    2. Wavebook21 Avatar
      Wavebook21

      I think that’s a beautifully well written response to the prompt. I loved the tone in the mother’s words and the way she described all the mothers and the final line is like a stamp it sent the message of your writing home.

    3. This is an interesting take on motherhood and associated myths. The idea of three in one is pretty common in mythology and I honestly expected this story to be about goddesses like Hecate or Morrigan.

      I do like that you went your own route and as mentioned, the cosmology explored here is really interesting. The idea of there being three mothers (a biological one, a mentor figure and a maternal deity) is an idea I haven’t really seen before in that configuration, but makes a lot of sense as a mythos.

      Well done!

    4. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This is a really neat concept you worked here. I just found the message of it quite compelling, and that is even before trying to fit it to a particular context or world – after all, the idea that all these mothers (the one who gave birth to us, the one who cared and taught us how to be who we are, and the Universe/Earth/Context in which we live all being maternal figures and deserving that title and credit is something I really appreciate. And imagining the culture or world where this is something that is taught to a child seems like a very interesting beginning to a different concept of belonging and child-rearing.

      And the languaga you use here is beautiful. Soothing, evocative. Very familiar-like, and also epic. And this all compounds in creating a beautiful narrative.

      Great story.

  35. Tamela Redfin Avatar
    Tamela Redfin

    Be my neighbor

    By Tamela Redfin

    A few weeks passed and then at night Sapphira heard digging. Her little ears listened for where it was coming from.

    “Go to sleep.” Zirconia muttered. “Or do you want mom to hit you with a stick?”

    “No.” Sapphira squeaked, settling her little head down.

    The next morning, they heard a knocking on the door. ‘

    “Ugh, who is it?” Reagan snapped. Sapphira ran in front, opening the door to reveal an odd sight.

    There was a woman about in her thirties, but her hair was already grey. Her eyes were blue and looked tired. But then there was the very strange part. A cypha about her age was standing there, matching blue eyes but red hair. Cyphas rarely had red hair.

    “Hi, mah name’s Jezebel Granite. This is mah son, Mica.”

    Mica waved and Sapphira also noticed that his claws were very short.

    She coughed before continuing, “We’re new ta here, and I hope ah children can get along…”

    “Aren’t you that human fucker?” Reagan spat.

    “Pardon?”

    “You heard me!” Reagan brushed back her hair. “Sapphira may be subpar but she won’t hang with a half breed.”

    Mica ran off crying at her words. While Reagan and Jezebel argued, Sapphira found him.

    “Hey.” Sapphira gently rested her hand on his.

    “Go away!” Mica sobbed. “I know you hate me.”

    “Why? I don’t know what a human fucker is.” Sapphira shrugged.

    “It means, according to rumors, my dad is a human.” He hung his head.

    “So? We live near humans. The Boyle family. They’re really nice people.”

    “Really?” He sniffled. “I don’t believe you, Sapphira. You probably believe what your mom does.”

    “Fine then! But go home so your mom isn’t worried sick.”

    “Mica! Where did ya go ya little rascal?” Sapphira turned to see Jezebel hug him. “Don’t worry about false myths.”

    1. Soo… What’s up with the digging?

      Do they live in houses or like… hobbit holes? Was the digging Jezebel and Micah moving in?

      I’m surprised Sapphira doesn’t spend more time with Cecilia. … are the cousins or aunts? I feel like either you’ve changed their relationships, or I’ve completely forgotten them.

      Never thought I’d see a day when I’d be on Jezebel’s side. But Reagan was kinda always shit wasn’t she. Didn’t she rat on them to Augen in the previous universe?

      1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
        Tamela Redfin

        Yes they live underground in like hobbit holes.

        I’ll bring Cece back. I loved their relationship in the original. I just briefly wanted to showcase Zirconia and Jasper.

        And yes, Reagan was always terrible. 😀

  36. Fol De Rol And Fiddledy Dee Fiddledy Faddledy Foodle
    By Marx

    “Okay, child. It’s late. You should sleep now.”

    “But… I don’t want to sleep…”

    “You are young, child. Sleep is very important at this age.”

    “Could you read me a bedtime story?”

    “I… suppose I could, but wouldn’t this be something better suited for your mother?”

    “But I want YOU to read it. Please? Pleeeeeeeease?”

    “You are aware that you won’t always get your way just because you-”

    “Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!”

    “Oh, for the love of-! Fine! I’ll read you a story if you calm down and stop making that face!”

    “Yay! The book is over there!”

    “…the blue one?”

    “Yes! It’s my favorite!”

    “What about Snow White? Or… Sleepy Beauty? Or Hansel and Gretel? Thumbelina? The Golden Bird? The Little Mermaid? …Pretty Woman?”

    “No! No, no, no, NO! I want Cinderella!”

    “You… do know why that story resonates with you so much, yes?”

    “Because it’s the best!”

    “Because you lived it, child. I… used to be Cinderella. And our souls used to be one. So…”

    “…”

    “Child? Are you okay? Why have you stopped breathing?”

    “I’m a… PRINCESS?!”

    “We used to be, yes. Then we became Queen.”

    “Princess is better…”

    “I disagree. We had much more power as Queen.”

    “Princess… is… BETTER!”

    “If you say so, child.”

    “What was the prince like? Was he dreamy?”

    “He was very physically appealing, yes. He was also kind. Compassionate. Rather stupid, but most royals were at that time. And he performed more than adequately in our bedchamber.”

    “Performed? Like a play?”

    “Oh no, child. I meant his performance as in-…”

    “…Cindy?”

    “My apologies, child. Your mother is… quite vigorously shaking her head in the doorway. And mouthing… ‘Just… read… the… goddamn… book…’ Oh! I understand! I suppose you are quite young to hear those particular details…”

    “…how old is our soul?”

    “We are… roughly… four hundred? Give or take a decade or two.”

    “Then I’m old enough! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!”

    “I suppose that does make-… No… no, your mother does not agree… And she seems very insistent that I just read the book. I’ve seen less terrifying scowls in Hell, itself.”

    1. I just so happened to keep scrolling from Alex’s story. I am intrigued. Is this Mark from FFN?

      1. Yes it is! Lol. I am very lazy with my screen names. That is assuming there isn’t another Marx on FFN who’s name is Mark, anyway.

    2. Sanguinerus Avatar
      Sanguinerus

      Fantastic title lol, I have to say this is very dialogue heavy, I always recommend setting the scene, I guess they’re in a bedroom based on the context of the conversation, but I think I’m missing a lot of context here, so there’s a lot in the story I don’t quite understand. Sorry my comment is a touch empty.

      1. Not a problem at all! This was something of a challenge for me. I saw that someone did a dialogue only scene and my interest was piqued and I wanted to try it. And fair point, there is a lot going on in the background that I just didn’t have the words to fill in without it sounding very clunky. I’m hoping it was still an entertaining read regardless.

        And this title genuinely tickles me lol. I was curious if anyone would get the reference.

    3. I like this story a lot. It’s a fun continuation of the last story.

      It’s interesting that Cindy is just… reading the girl a bedtime story. Especially since…well, how long as it been? But on the other hand, any excuse for Cindy to reconnect with her soul is great. It’d be fun to see them play a game, kind of like, “I Spy” where Cindy vaguely describes things and sees if the girl can guess the memory. Or other details from it. Like, she describes their old bedroom and then ends with, “And what is on the bedside table?”

      It’s funny seeing her get excited about her previous life, and how she was Princess, which is DEFINITELY better than be Queen. I also feel like she’ll be able to pump Cindy to tell her stories her mother doesn’t want her to hear in another… five years? (How old is the girl now? Eight?

      Honestly this whole development is SO intriguing to me. I’d love to see how they grow and change and where their relationship goes.

      1. How long has it been since the last story? Maybe a week max. It’s still pretty early on.

        The “I Spy” game would be really interesting actually. One of the things I like the most about the general idea of Cindy and Ella is that Ella basically represents what Cindy could have been if she’d never sold her soul in the first place.

        That said, yeah, Ella is around 8 or so. Not gonna lie, when I introduced Cindy, I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to do with her soul once it was found, but I’m loving this dynamic so I’ll definitely be doing more with them in the future.

    4. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This was a very funny one! The chemistry between the two halves of the souls is great, and the hints you drop about their previous life, as well as the prince’s ‘performance’ that the girl’s mother obviously doesn’t want her to know, and then it escalates to the usual ‘I’m old enough! Tell me!’ that happens so much with young children.

      A great and funny take on the prompt!

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