Writing Group: The Moon in a Jar

Hello, Moonwalkers, Mooncalfs, and Lunatics!

Huh? You…You did WHAT?! Oh no, this is bad! This is really bad! You have to put it back! Because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

The Moon in a Jar

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

This prompt was inspired by a Maldivian folktale in which a man, sailing on his way to meet the king, sees the reflection of the moon in the water and tries to catch it in a jar. But, of course, when he gives the jar to the king, there’s only water within it. The story could have several interpretations. It may have a moral of thinking about your plans beyond the surface level. It could also have a moral about being content with what you have; the king was already the protagonist’s friend, and didn’t need any gifts to welcome him. 

I see lots of morals that this prompt could contain. Putting the moon in a jar is taking something big, something that everyone benefits from, and making it small, something you can steal and own, that only benefits you. It makes me think of the song “Buy the Stars” by Marina and the Diamonds. Putting the moon in a jar is like trying to buy the stars. Someone who thinks they can or should put the moon in a jar likely has a great misunderstanding of why the moon is valuable. Someone could bottle the moon as a grand gesture of devotion…when really it’s out of a selfish desire to look good, and to buy the other person’s love. A king could put the moon in a jar as a show of his power, not realizing the moon should not be treated as a trophy, and its absence will destroy his kingdom.

The TV show Avatar the Last Airbender actually has an example of exactly that. General Zhao captures the physical form of the moon spirit in a bag, and in doing so turns the moon dark. Everyone else can see the horror of his actions and how it affects the world as a whole, but he only wants to be known as the man who darkened the moon. 

Another thing Avatar does is give the moon a physical form—first an animal, then a person. Many other stories have given the moon a physical form too. In Tolkien’s Silmarillion, the moon is a silver flower put into the sky, and has a person to guard over it. In Tangled the Series, the Moon Drop contains the power of the moon, and a person can take this power for themselves. In Neil Gaiman’s Stardust, a star comes down to the world in human form. Perhaps you could write about something like that. The “jar” could be the physical form the moon is put into. Or the jar could reference a cage for the moon’s human form, like a mermaid trapped in a tank. 

In some video games, such as Bloodborne and Majora’s Mask, the moon is a sort of final boss. Ending the game with the player defeating the literal moon—something that shouldn’t be touchable, let alone tameable—is quite the power trip. You could write about the grand battle between your character and the moon. 

Speaking of video games, the prompt could also refer to resources. Perhaps defeating the moon gives you the most powerful and/or magical material in the world. Or it could be more realistic. I’ve visited a Museum of Flight in real life where they had a tiny moon rock. You could write about a piece of the real moon in a jar. In a way, that’s almost the most fantastical idea of all—that mere humans were actually able to visit the moon, and bring pieces of it back down to Earth. 

My challenge for you this week is for you to go literal with this prompt. I think a lot of us will take this prompt in a symbolic direction, I am curious what you will come up with when challenged to somehow literally put the moon in a jar in your stories. 

Phew! There we go. Crisis averted. Oh…Oh wait. It’s off center now. Sigh. We gotta go back up there.

—Kaylie

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Comments

134 responses to “Writing Group: The Moon in a Jar”

  1. erase this please (this was an accident)

  2. Lee Trask Avatar
    Lee Trask

    Transfiguration
    by Kotold

    Ugh! That smell! What is that smell?! With the window open isn’t it supposed to help with the smell? Instead the open breeze just creates a river running through here baptizing us in the filth.

    “Another one. Please.”

    Maybe if I’m courteous, they’ll take a hose to the urinals? I don’t think that’s how that works. I’m here while Timmy is out partying and Mary is banging my “best friend”. Is that how that’s supposed to work? Whatever. Not like I was much of a role model; maybe she can get him to pay the electric. Whatever. Role models and bills? Who needs them?

    “Another one.”

    Bright out there. Full moon tonight. Werewolves come out on nights like tonight. So they say. I should be so lucky. A mutt just does what a mutt does. Isn’t encumbered with the weight I carry, with the responsibilities. I should probably…

    “Sure.”

    Why do they put mirrors behind the bar? So sad saps can watch themselves? See for themselves how pathetic they are? I may be a fool for wearing these shades in this place. With this light. But imagine if they actually saw me? A chill runs down my spine. I see the moon in the mirror, the moon in my shades. Which is it reflecting off of?

    I nod.

    Ugh! At least… Whatever…

    Grunt.

    Looking down I see the moon again. Its white is rippling in the waves at the bottom of my bottle. It’s staring at me. Just staring at me. What is it looking at? Why does it just stare at me?!

    Suddenly the white fades to black.

    1. Lee Trask Avatar
      Lee Trask

      I know I’m late. But I just found this site and wanted to join in on the fun.

  3. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
    MelancholicOtaku

    Seven Years

    By: MelancholicOtaku

    Day 365
    It’s been three hundred and sixty-five days since I’ve been held up in this crystal vessel—at least, I think it’s crystal; the material is one that I haven’t witnessed before. Three hundred and sixty-five days—that’s a whole human year, I believe.
    A whole year of watching and waiting for the perfect moment to escape this impenetrable basin

    Day 1095
    Three years have passed, and the nights are still moonless—three years since I’ve been stuck in this contraption called a jar. I’ve overheard a human call it this. For a while now, I’ve been studying his daily movements. Get out of bed, eat a small breakfast, and head out for, I believe, a couple of hours before coming back home.

    Day 1826
    Five years later, my human is becoming slower, but then again, his kind usually loses its luster the longer that they age. Now is the time for my escape from this cruel realm made of glass. I wonder if the other gods and goddesses realize that I have been gone, and I wonder if my dear brother misses me.

    Day 2556
    After seven long years—well, more like seven short years for me—my human can hardly walk without the help of a long stick, almost like a third leg. He now spends most of his days napping and staring at me. His eyes and that look have always irritated me.
    “Osyn,” he said. “The way my name sounds coming from his mouth, I absolutely despise that voice.” Yet I think if I didn’t hear it, I’d fall deeper into madness. My day will come once I can make my great escape and take my place back in the sky.

    1. I like the idea of a sentient moon hating a dude for putting it into a jar for no known reason.

      It’s interesting how this moons identity is so mysterious, as well as the circumstances of their entrapment. Clearly they’re a deity of some sort, but what kind of deity? What kind of role do they play in the hierarchy of the gods?

      Plus, who is this old man that trapped the moon in a jar? How and why are they in a jar? I assume it’s the work of some powerful magic from a very powerful wizard or something. And what does the name Osyn mean to this old man?

      There is such meaning and purpose implied to the entrapment of the moon, as if something nefarious was going to happen if the old man didn’t.

      And the portrayal of the moon trying not to slip into madness is a good one too, especially with the detail of the moon focusing on the name the old man gave them.

      This was a good story. Here’s a like.

  4. Mattthew R. Wright Avatar
    Mattthew R. Wright

    Adjusting The Moon’s Brightness Settings
    By Matthew R. Wright

    The moon lay dead, shattered into uncountable pieces, amongst the stars and the night’s sky. We all remember why. She held a special love for the moon. It was her namesake. She was Luna, and now she was alone. She mourned, harder than anyone else.

    She’d been teaching herself to NEVER look up, the hurt too painful, but she simply couldn’t stop. When she slept, which was often, she’d struggle to rest without her moon. Since birth, it was always an open-window away. Its light would always beam down with its perfect glow, and send her into some deep and peaceful sleep. Luna, now an adult of twenty-five, had to purchase those ugly black-out curtains, for what she saw out those windows led to her unbearable grief.

    Curtains closed, it was a different darkness that now surrounded her, with a strange stillness. Haunted, by the lingering presence that once beamed from behind those curtains.

    It was her mother, who had planted that seed, that love of the moon. How she nurtured that love – nights in the garden, glow-in-the-dark night’s sky decorations, something they shared. She always told her story, Luna’s mother, a tale of a single parent living in such a big city, being pregnant but alone. How, on the night that Luna was born, her mother had opened up her window for fresh air and beheld that peaceful silent beauty the moon provided, and how it calmed her, how it kept her company through that long and exhausting night. The moon had been a constant presence to both Luna and her mother in that moment and in the years and moments that came after.

    But her mother had been gone for a year, and the moon only a few weeks. She stroked at the generated image from her iPad, a 3D rotating model of her once-whole moon, spinning away in artificial peace. Its brightness burning her eyes.

    Luna gripped her bed sheets tightly, trying not to burst into tears again.

    She was Luna, and now she was alone.

    No-one else could ever understand.

    1. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This was both a sad and clever take – How the ‘jar’ is the iPad and the moon’s model hurting Luna’s eyes – it’s a reminder that the real moon is forever gone, and nothing could replace it. One correction: “The moon lay dead” the word lay should be “lay” or “laid” if you meant it in the past. A minor detail in a great story, but I thought I would point that out.

      Good job!

    2. Oliver Enslad Avatar
      Oliver Enslad

      How captivating! Longing is one of the most painful emotions, and you captured that pain perfectly. One thing a lot of people forget about longing is that it has an undertone of helplessness that I feel you captured perfectly with the iPad! A shattered moon is so much more dramatic than just a stolen moon too, I really loved the tragedy this took me through!

  5. Sniperaxiom Avatar
    Sniperaxiom

    Crushed into myself

    By Sniperaxiom

    Standing beside Sophia, I lifted my wine glass to my smiling lips. She chatted in her witty way, the center of attention. I didn’t mind simply being relegated to her support.

    The haughty guests milled about and different conversations hummed under the instrumental music.

    Sophia launched those around us into laughter with a well placed joke. Suddenly the laughter became distant and I felt as though I was shrinking into myself. The world around me was snuffed out for a moment though my eyes never closed.

    It was happening again.

    I stiffened. My panic must have shown on my face because Soph looked concerningly at me.

    “Are you alright Sasha?”

    “I’m fine.” I answered her in a quick and breathy way. “I just need to get some air-”

    Sophia was still watching me as I turned away and walked toward the balcony, I looked back to see her being absorbed once more in the crowd. She became the center of attention once again.

    I quickly threw open the elegant glass door leading to the stone balcony. My breathing was quick, I was losing myself again. “NOT NOW! Stop it. I HATE YOU.” I hissed these words under my breath into the cold night air.

    I had to hold on. Everything was going right! This was my chance with Sophi.

    He was taking hold again though, and I couldn’t hold on. It felt like I was something as big as a planet, being forced into a little jar. Then I was gone.

    When I tuned back in, it was morning and I was back at home in my apartment, sitting at my kitchen table that had papers strewn all over it.

    “How long has it been-?” I mumbled as I reached for my phone that sat on the table. It was opened to the city news. I just quickly closed it out and saw I had at least 20 messages from Sophia asking where I went and if I was okay. I saw that it was the next morning.

    He had messed up my life again.

  6. Oliver Enslad Avatar
    Oliver Enslad

    Fuldablop’s Love
    by Oliver Enslad

    Earth Defense Force
    Outgoing Galactic Call Transcription
    January 25th, 2368

    ”Hi, mother, it’s Fuldablop. I’m in a human jail, it’s impressive actually. They somehow turned constellations into a restraining device, I can’t even move my-

    “Bah, that’s not important. You’re probably curious what I did this time. Well, as it turns out, in this galaxy their moons don’t grow back. Or at least that’s what the humans are imprisoning me for. See I folded my wing around it, and the glass that my webs make surrounded it. I’ve done it dozens of times before to the little moons and planets nearby, this one just looked particular beautiful.

    “And before you ask, yes it was for Adilpuh. And you’re right, I should be off these mating progs. At this point I just feel too lonely. It’s difficult being a single Gooloop. And I know hive-minds are dangerous, but the way she displays her planets and her stars is just far too fascinating.”

    The creature classed as Star Child seemed to let out their equivalent of a sigh.

    “Look, mother, I know I messed up. I know I should’ve paid more attention in any class. I know you wanted me to keep it in the species, but how can you expect me to not explore? I’m the first in our species to evolve wings!

    “I remember when you first taught me how to make jars. We were supposed to use our claws and tendrils to shape it. You once caught so much heat in a small space, it made an extra sun! I remember the cracks in my first jar, star dust spilled from them like slivers of light trying to find it’s way through the blackened reaches in between galaxies.

    “I understand if you don’t save me mother. I never earned a credit in my life, and I know it’s unfair for me to ask, but please may I have some credits? Adilpuh is good for it, I know you hate her, but you know that much of her at least, right?”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This is a really interesting take, and I love the way the story is conveyed. It is at both cosmic and casual. We follow a situation of cataclysmic proportions, but also a personal drama… and both elements shine brighter due to the contrast between them.

      I have some small points of critique, though.

      The main one is that I don’t think the ending is particularly memorable… it falls a little flat. Landing an ending well is such a short story is, granted, quite the challenge, and we fail it more often than not. Still, worth pointing out that here it feels like another paragraph – with interesting information, character development and the view of the narrator on things. But it lacks something to be an ending… I don’t know if I can convey what I’m trying to say.

      The other thing is that the line about the sigh, which breaks the register used until then, feels a little out of place. It breaks the flow the story had until then, and does not feel at all necessary. I think the story would be better without it.

      Still, those were just two small points. I found the tale very enjoyable, and it was a really fresh take on the prompt. And it is quite fun to imagine creatures of such cosmic scale dealing with their own interpersonal issues.

      Great story, thanks a lot for sharing it!

      1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
        Oliver Enslad

        I appreciate the critique! I did definitely feel as if this particular story was underwhelming by my own standards. I’m so happy I was still able to capture your enjoyment, and I’m really happy to hear that the contrast makes it so much better. I wrote “*sigh*” in the middle there but that style of writing felt more roleplay-like than writing like. I would love some advice on how you would write a monologue break that shows this characters feelings of defeat, as I believe it was one of your stories recently that monologued but still gave beautiful emotions and helped inspire me to break out into something I don’t normally write (I have a hard time with dialogue). Thank you again so much for reading!

    2. I’m gonna assume all those words mean what I think they mean and give the Earth Defense Force MASSIVE props for not only figuring out how to use constellations as a restraint, but capturing something that requires the use of a constalation to be imprisoned.

      I hope Adilpuh is actually worth this.

      1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
        Oliver Enslad

        I appreciate the investment you have in Adilpuh and her worth! Makes me smile having others consider whether or not her beauty is worth the trouble!

        And I’m really happy I was able to show how far the Earth Defense Force has gone to protect… well, Earth! Thank you for reading and commenting!

    3. Mattthew R. Wright Avatar
      Mattthew R. Wright

      Such an interesting concept for a story. A transcription of an Alien’s ‘One Phone Call’ from jail. I would hate this be this person’s parent, listening to/reading that kind of message, as it strongly implies that this person gets into a LOT of trouble, and feels very dismissive of their faults in destroying earth’s moon. It’s fantastically written and made me laugh louder than is socially acceptable. Well done!

      1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
        Oliver Enslad

        I’m glad you can see the parental side of things, I wrote so much into this emotion-wise that I wasn’t sure if it would come across, especially the carelessness of Fuldablop. I appreciate you so much for commenting and reading!

  7. VulpesRose Avatar
    VulpesRose

    Approaching Darkness
    by VulpesRose

    The Darkness has set its sights upon you, my sister.

    You must journey to the pool that is the cradle of life, the reservoir of power our mothers have drawn from for generations. If you leave today and receive favorable weather, you should reach it before the moon has next reached its fullest. Bring with you a purified vessel, stopped with a fresh cork.

    Light your fire before sundown. Tend to it as you would care for a child. Do not cook, and burn only what you find along the lakeside.

    As the moon approaches its zenith, you will begin your swim. You will know it is time because the crickets will cease their song. Your fire may begin to dim, but do not feed it further.

    Swim. Do not be alarmed by the unseasonable chill of the water. Swim until you reach the place where the moon’s reflection shines upon the water. Recite the Litany of the Mother. Fill the vessel with water from the moon’s reflection and replace the cork. Give thanks to the Mother and beg her intercession in your plight.

    Return to the shore and pour only a handful of the water upon the embers of your fire. If the fire is extinguished, then the Mother has heard your plea. If not…well, best not to ruminate on that.

    Then you must return home.

    Use the water to anoint the doorways of your home upon each sundown. If the Darkness has not come for you by the time your supply runs low, we will ensure you can repeat your ritual.

    No, sister. This will not prevent the Darkness from coming for you. That, I’m afraid, is unavoidable.

    Even the moon regularly turns her gaze away from the darkness she presides over. But her favor should be enough to ensure that, if he comes to kill you, your death will be swift, and if he does not, then you shall remain by his side.

    You will take your place among the darkness, but, if it is the Mother’s will, you will not lose yourself to it.

    1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
      Oliver Enslad

      This story is a true poem or prophecy in style. It reminds me of Avatar the Last Airbender’s scenes in the water tribe how they’d fantasize and teeter around the beauty and efficacy of the moon before the big dramatic steal. This reminds me of an old bible story too, but I’m not sure I can recount it accurately enough this far from when I last read it. And I like the idea that the thing that brings death might just bring peace as well, at least peace in being a shadow. I would like to see even more on how you describe sources of power, as just a reflection being so potent in ability also brings so many wonderous ideas of this world to mind. I’m excited to read more from you!

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Wow, that is an amazing tale, Vulpes!

      This style of giving instructions is great for this kind of stories, where you weave wonderment and a sense of dread, and it helps a lot in keeping the reader engaged. It feels as if we should be taking notes on it all, paying really close attention, so that the rite be performed correctly.

      And the possibility of it not being performed correctly is always there. And even if correct, it seems as if the moon is fickle, and might not grant her favor – best not to linger on this thought, though.

      I really like how you took the prompt in a symbolic and yet very real way. A rite that carries the favour of the moon in a vessel, by taking its reflection on water. As symbols go, the whole process is filled with meaning and intricacies, so the narration conveying the instruction for it is quite proper.

      This was an amazing read. Thanks a lot for sharing!

  8. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
    Dagmar Makara (dystop)

    The Moon in a Jar
    by Dagmar Makara (dystop)

    Strange whispers surrounded the man rumoured to hold the moon in a jar. A destitute fellow, who would be avoided on the dark twisted streets of San Maedo. The local children sang cruel nursery rhymes about him.

    He was a lone wolf, an outcast. Beaten with iron clubs in dimly lit side alleys – some say he harboured a curse and ill-intentions, that he’d trapped fragments of the celestial daughter for his own machinations. Diseased, wounded and terminal, he stumbled below the buzzing lights of the old marketplace. He travelled at night, and lived only for that light.

    “Your moon is still there?”, asked a teenage renegade. “The fragments you stole?”.

    The old man’s expression was blank.

    “How much?”, he persisted like a mosquito.

    Suddenly, a flash of anger, sorrow and grief.

    “She is not for sale, not to anybody” as he curled up on the floor, coughing out his words hadn’t spoken for five years, and had almost forgotten how.

    The teenager raised an inquisitive eyebrow. He was a hustler, the black market’s black sheep. Oh, how overjoyed he would be to get his hands on this cursed celestial fragment he’d heard so much about. Persistent, he sat opposite to get a better look.

    “Come on, you want a beating or a profit, I know fellow scum when I see them”.

    The teenager’s ire sparked a flame, and the broken man collapsed into agony and tears.

    “Five years”, said he. “I have held onto her for five years”, he sobbed.

    “Her?”

    “My beloved Luna, this is all that is left of her”, he grimaced, staring up at where the moon used to be. This wasn’t an ordinary man. He was all that was left of Sun, and his love Luna died five years ago – all that remained of her was what he’d managed to bottle. Both celestials in love, and now, both of them meeting their end. The tides had ceased and the sea; unnaturally calm. The daytime was drying up.

    “Young man”, he said, looking up to a mortified face. Without us, you’ll soon be leaving too.

    1. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      Oooooh, I enjoyed this take on the prompt! I was in such a cowboy frame of mind as I read this, old west outlaws playing the parts in my brain. I really enjoyed the truth about what he carried with him, and it gave so much nuance to the earlier set up about his character. It would be so interesting to see what he was like when his Luna was still alive.

      Great work and thanks for sharing!

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I love the twist in this one. Yes, the old man indeed carries the moon (or what is left of her) in a jar, but his motives are a a lot different than at first it appears to be.

      And I really like how the scene appears to be incredibly tense for the old man, and suddenly, it is a lot more dreadful to all, as we discover his identity.

      What power or circumstance could have diminished those celestial bodies to such forms? I don’t have an answer, but I love to wonder that, and seeing that particular story unfold in the way it does fills me with a nice sense of wonder.

      A very small nitpick: I think I found a small error in the first moment the old man speaks in the story (I believe that “coughing out his words hadn’t spoken for five years” should be “coughing out the words he hadn’t spoken for five years”, or something like that). Nothing that detracts from the story, but something to point out.

      That is a great story! Thanks a lot for sharing!

      1. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
        Dagmar Makara (dystop)

        Yeah unfortunately that slipped through the cracks when I was having to cut down the wordcount

  9. Festival Of The Great Ritual
    By Taja DaLeen

    You can already hear it, the laughter and merriment, merchants trying to sell their goods, and children bugging their parents about wanting something.

    And only soon after you can smell it. The sugar and spices, the kinjata in all its variants, and the magic.

    This is, after all, a festival to celebrate Asmodis and the other Demon Lords saving magic from the fear and fury of the nonmagicals. It is held in every underground, and all over the Other World to honor its rulers.

    And that is visible, too. Stalls in every color, selling food and drink and other items from across the Nothing, illuminated by the soft glow of moon jars.

    It was beautiful, and made you feel right at home.

    Strolling over the festival grounds, you decide to drink a kinjata, heightening your senses; the colors seemed more bright, the laughter more cheerful, the candied dream peaches a little sweeter.

    You are watching a vendor roasting some magic eaters when you hear the commotion.

    “Asmodis, oh Asmodis; first among all Demon Lords”

    It started; and you almost missed it. Nervously you rush towards the center square, where the play is held; reenacting the Great Ritual itself.

    “Remember all, remember this; the story told within these chords”

    You arrive just in time to be handed your own moon jar, just like everyone else in attendance; the tiny crescent moon inside glowing faintly.

    It’s no wonder the moon is the main symbol for this festival; after all, its favorite flower, the moon blade, needed the greatest care to survive in the Other World, being without moonlight there.

    You watch the actors flaunting their colors, symbols of the Seven’s powerful magic. How you wish to be a part of this someday. It’s one of the greatest honors one can have. Ever since you were a child you dreamed of this.

    And then it’s done, and everyone holds up their moon jar; feeding them with their magic, making them shine brightly. It’s the climax of the whole festival.

    And just like everyone else, you want to praise the Lords for being alive.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This was a very fun one. I know right now I’m being repetitive (but I’ll repeat myself again – some praises are worth emphasizing), you are a master of the second person narrative. But this one is quite different than all the others I’ve read from you before.

      The vibe I usually get from your second person stories are of fairy tale and whimsical (the dark kind, mostly, but not always), or that of the story being told around the campfire (or at the bed). There is always a kind of intimacy built into the storytelling. And this one has some of it, but it is different. Another vibe altogether.

      I really felt as if I’m at the game table, and you are narrating an awesome campaign and immersing the players into the world. So there is something really familiar to it, and still very new.

      And the worldbuilding conveyed in the narration is really engaging. It conjures images of a dark carnival during its most festive moments. An underground that is full of vibrancy. And an experience of being actively part of a community that celebrates their history and themselves through the joy of existing and remembering.

      This is a very enjoyable read, and I’d love to stroll around that festival.

      Thanks a lot for sharing!

  10. Danny Gilhooley Avatar
    Danny Gilhooley

    Not Alone
    By Danny Gilhooley

    “Are we about done here?”

    “One second!”

    Daniels hopped away. With his final step, he landed like a ballerina, and began to rummage through the rover. After a few moments, he found what he was looking for and hopped over again. He was holding a Bell glass jar.

    “Are you kidding me, Daniels?”

    “My kid brother wanted a moon rock. So, I’m bringing him a moon rock!”

    “Fine, but why a jar?”

    “He’s got jars for catching fireflies. And I told him the moon glows green when you bring rocks home. Like those stickers kids put on the walls. I thought it would be a nice gag.”

    “Fine! But why a glass jar! Hell, why not just put it in a jar when we get back! What happens if that breaks, and it tears one of our suits!”

    “It’s not going to break,” Daniels laughed. He scoured the ground, picking up a rock, then throwing it back down. He repeated that several times, each time wandering further and further away from the rover.

    McGinn sighed. “I’m on another celestial body with a child.”

    “Oh, come on! This place would be so boring without me!”

    “I’m already bored. You’re just stressing me out.”

    Daniels picked up another rock, lifting it above his head and holding it up to the Earth. He was at least fifty meters away from the rover.

    “Will you hurry up?” McGinn snapped. “I’m almost out of oxygen. Just grab a rock and let’s go.”

    “Alright,” Daniels said. “I think I found the perfect…”

    He stopped. The only sound McGinn heard was the air rushing through his suit.

    Then heavy breathing.

    “McGinn,” Daniels said. “Call HQ.”

    “If this is another trick, I’m not interested.”

    “McGinn, I found something.”

    “Let me guess. A rock.”

    “Glenn, get over here. Now.”

    “Don’t give me orders, Daniels. I’m not in the—”

    “I found a body.”

    McGinn stopped. He looked at Daniels standing still, staring at the ground. McGinn hopped over to where Daniels was standing. Underneath a rock Daniels had picked up was a skeleton hand.

    1. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
      Dagmar Makara (dystop)

      This really took an unexpcted turn! I really enjoyed it – especially the in-media-res opening. It started off feeling like an adventure and then turned to horror. I also really love the implications of finding the skeleton hand where you expect the rock to be… it certainly raises some questions. Amazingly written : )

      1. Danny Gilhooley Avatar
        Danny Gilhooley

        Thank you very much for reading! Glad you liked it.

    2. Leaving this story like that should be a crime.

      I hope you intend to continue this into a full story.

      1. Danny Gilhooley Avatar
        Danny Gilhooley

        Lol, I’ll do my best! Thank you for reading!

  11. The Missing Link Avatar
    The Missing Link

    Lunar Waltz
    By: The Missing Link

    Luna was the last human alive, or so she figured. The arc ships had all stopped signaling, no word from the terraform projects, and least of all did anything, or would anything call from earth.

    Even then, alive was a stretch Luna wasn’t sure applied to her anymore, her consciousness merged with the computer systems keeping her cryosleep stable. She was the last custodian of a dead world, tasked to orbit the irradiated rock for the millennia until even that ceased to exist.

    It wasn’t a lonely existence, she chose to believe. She had a friend who marched alongside her in her vigil. It accompanied her, visible through what her frozen brain could only rationalize as the window of her world. The moon would never abandon her.

    Yet still, she had no power to embrace her friend, to bring it into the pod with her, to feel its calming gravity. It would always stay there, never leaving, but never wandering within reach.

    Luna wondered if this was how God had felt about humans back when they were still alive, and that longing to interact with something, anything, gnawed at her for the next thousand years of her existence.

    Her longing for the moon became so intense, her systems had stopped measuring the planet below. What good would it do anyway? Earth was in the past, and she was alone, and would be for another seven billion years unless some asteroid decided to blessedly cut that short.

    She stopped bothering to look for signals entirely, until… a single message came from her aloof companion, repeated. She couldn’t decipher it, but there was something there, trying to talk to her.

    She was no longer alone in the universe.

    1. Mattthew R. Wright Avatar
      Mattthew R. Wright

      Such a sad concept for a story, the dead taking care of an equally dead planet. Would be such a painful, hurtful version of hell, to be able to know how beautiful the planet used to be, but also to being able to feel it, or feel others. Such a lonely existence. Also, it’s super funny that both of our character’s have the same name. I swear I didn’t take it from you, I wrote my story before posting this comment, hahaha. It’s a great story. Good Job!

  12. Aracnarquista Avatar
    Aracnarquista

    Dream Stiller
    by Aracnarquista

    “That’s a curious name for a bar. Is it referring to how we lay still while asleep?

    My new employer, who was taking me there, answered it while bringing me in.

    “Not quite, but also not quite not. Once, the sign said ‘The Dreaming Still’, but Bythos decided he liked ambiguity better, so he dropped the article. Come on in”.

    A small bell rang as we entered the dimly lit, small room. The place felt familiar, though I was seeing it for the first time.

    The bartender was the only other person there. When he saw my employer, he opened up a smile.

    “Elpis, my dear! Long time no see.”

    “Hello, Bythos. Great to see you again. I missed this place. Eike, this is Bythos. Bythos, this is Eike, the new Sharpener.”

    “Welcome, Master Eike. If Elpis chose you as her Sharpener, the occasion calls for a toast. What’s your poison?”

    I was without words. Bythos had that same magnetism as Elpis, a force that drew me to him. But while hers was insurmountable and relentless, his felt more like getting close to home, getting where you yearn to be, where you will be understood, accepted.

    Elpis answered before I had a chance.

    “This is to be a proper toast, and I know you have a new jar of moonshine.”

    His smile, as well as his eyes, lightened up. I found my words again.

    “Moonshine? As in high-proof unaged liquor?”

    Bythos picked a clay jar from a shelf, and served a pale shiny liquid into three glasses.

    “Yes, but not just. This is real moonshine. The moon’s dreams distilled into a spirit. As you might know, we are made of our dreams. You are about to taste the moon itself. You are not, by any chance, a werewolf, Master Eike? I can’t serve you this if you are.”

    It tasted like forgotten memories, of changing tides, and of shared light. It tasted of proximity, of hidden depths, and the beauty of the cosmos. It tasted cold, refreshing and welcoming. It tasted like the moon shines: change, and new beginnings.

    1. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This was a very creative take. I like how the whole story uses the theme of night and the moons dreams. I won’t be surprised if the next sentence would be “I fell asleep to the best slumber of my life”. The play with the concept of moonshine is also creative, with the drink being from the actual moon.

      Great story!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Strong Berry.

        This one was a hard one to write. I had two ideas prior to this one that didn’t quite work, and when I got to this, I thought I wouldn’t be able to trim it down to just 350 words. Funnily enough, one of the things that was kept from all versions (even the stories prior to this) was the idea of moonshine being made of moon dreams.

        And it was a curious prompt to work with, since my last story was also about the moon. If I had more words to spare, I’d probably try to connect some dots between each of them (in fact, the last descriptions on what the spirit taste like seem to fit with what the moon might have been dreaming about, and although that was unintentional, it does echoes some of the sentiment of the last story).

        Thanks a lot for the comment.

    2. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      I am at a loss for words with this take. Not only did you do the moonshine take I was hoping for so many people to go with, but you made it feel like a hole in the wall tavern in a ttrpg. The kind where the barkeep’s name is “barkeep” and a mysterious stranger in the corner gives you a quest.

      Your imagery is perfect. I love using abstractions to describe senses. Excellently done, friend.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, WriterOfThought!

        The idea of moonshine came almost as soon as I knew what the prompt was, though at first I was thinking on a very different story.

        I hadn’t really thought of the tavern aspect – but this is quite appropriate, since this story is a sneaky sequel to another one which is, indeed, the offer of a quest (the characters of Eike the Sharpener and Elpis had appeared before, on the story I submitted for the Edge of the Stars prompt, though in that one they went unnamed).

        And describing sensations through abstractions and surreal imagery is something I’m particularly fond of, and I think it lands really well in some takes, such as this one.

        Great to know you like it! Thanks a lot!

    3. Now I’m not much of a drinker, but if that’s how a drink actually made you feel, I’LL TAKE YOUR ENTIRE STOCK, and be in rehab by morning.

      I like how casual this was. It felt like a real experience where someone new to the circle is trying something new.

      I kind of wish that there was more build up for the moonshine though, namely from the perspective of Elpis. The setup felt like it would be her explaining what moonshine is, and imploring the main character to try it out.

      As for Bythos, he’s my favorite. He’s a bartender that loves his job, so it feels refreshing to see someone have such enthusiasm. And his description of the moonshine sounds romantic and serious at the same time, which makes sense considering.

      This was a delight. I will take one moonshine for one like.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Joe.

        The idea of someone new to the circle being introduced into a new world was something I was striving for, though I was not certain if I’d be able to accomplish that. I am quite glad to know you felt like that.

        Well, if I had more words to spare, I’d certainly work a little more on the moonshine – and in the other drinks available at this particular bar. In fact, I had a whole section about Eike asking about a curious bottle that I was really proud of, but when I made just the bare-bones story of it I was already near 450 words… this time I had to take a lot out.

        And I don’t think Elpis would implore. Her style is a bit more direct and commanding.

        And I love that you liked Bythos. He was a new addition to this story (I don’t think you noticed, but Elpis and Eike had appeared before, some twenty prompts ago), and although I had a very clear image of what I wanted him to be, I was not sure if he would fit the interactions with the others.

        Thanks a lot. And cheers to that!

    4. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
      Dagmar Makara (dystop)

      “You are not by any chance a werewolf?” is a killer line, love it. It’s both funny and serious at the same time. And I absolutely love the concept of moonshine being the moon itself distilled into a drink. I also took a shine to the characters very quickly which was impressive on your part – I’d like to see more adventures from this group

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot!

        I love that line too! It was one of the few ones I thought were not strictly necessary for the scene to be conveyed but that I didn’t want to cut out during the trimming process. One of the previous version of the story was not about this particular characters, and the bar would have other patrons – in this one, the bartender would ask the other patrons if there was any werewolf among them, before serving the drink. You know, moonshine must be kept in opaque jars so as not to expose possible werewolves to its glow.

        And I love reading that you liked the characters! Elpis and Eike are, in fact, recurring characters from a previous story (some 20 prompts ago, when the prompt was The Edge of the Stars), though in that one they had no names. It felt fitting to bring them back, and as soon as I started building the bar, Bythos came into being.

        Thanks a lot!

    5. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      Moonshine was SUCH a clever take for this prompt, and your version seems so much better than any real version could ever be. I love this bar and, despite the short scene, the characters really come alive. I love how you describe the magnetism the characters have, and I adore the sense of contrast it paints. I would read more of these character in a heartbeat. You’ve done a lovely job of crafting a scene that pulls me in immediately and won’t let go.

      Am I right that this did end up as a sequel story? I swear I remember a previous story of yours about a Sharpener being hired (was it to sharpen the stars?).

      Wonderful work and thanks for sharing!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Vulpes!

        And yeah, you are right! This is a sequel to the story about the Sharpener being hired (it was the one I wrote for the Edge of the Stars prompt). I usually don’t do sequels, and when I do, they tend to be the sneaky type (in fact, this is just the second time I do a sequel here) – but I love that you remembered them!

        Moonshine was such a direct idea that I had to play with it. And the name is so much more romantic than the real idea that I needed to upgrade the idea to fit the name… and it all kind of sprung from there. At first, I was writing about some very different characters in a very different situation, but the cosmic angle made me thing of a woman and her newly-contracted employee… I feel great knowing the characters worked here!

        Thanks a lot!

    6. Oliver Enslad Avatar
      Oliver Enslad

      I love this little idea, it reminds me a lot of how Matt Mercer sets up his shop keeps and bar introductions in Critical Role. The way your narrator had plenty of importance placed on them makes me curious what exactly they’re sharpening if they can serve up moon-cahol. Also, the idea that real moonshine is supposed to be sourced from a genuine moon is so clever! I wish I thought of incorporating that into mine honestly!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Oliver.

        Wow, that’s high praise. I really love the idea of playing with fantastical elements and trying to make them vivid through narration (and I miss being a gm or narrator in rpg games), so it is great to hear to effect still works and translate well to this short narratives as well.

        As for what Eike is sharpening… well, he is a well-accomplised honer of blades, but recently he was offered a new job that is a bit grander. If you want to know about that, the first encounter of Eike and Elpis is the story I submitted for the prompt “The Edge of the Stars” (some twenty prompts ago, if memory serves me well).

        Thanks a lot for the comment and the praise!

        1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
          Oliver Enslad

          I’m definitely going to go prompt diving after this! Joining these discussions I’ve definitely grown to enjoy your writing and look forward to the stories! I may not take that deep dive tonight, but it will be soon, Siri will remind me.

          1. Aracnarquista Avatar
            Aracnarquista

            Are you on the Discord?

            If you are, I can send you you the link of that particular story through there.

    7. I liked this story, and the idea of the moonshine; and a few other tidbits in here, like that bit about it not being for werewolves.

      I just think it’s too bad the focus isn’t really on the moonshine itself. I think I would have liked it more if you left out more of the bar and instead described the moonshine more. But well, that’s the wordlimit for you, I guess…

      (Maybe you got a longer version you’d care to share?)

      Anyway, still, thank you for writing and sharing this, I enjoyed it.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Daleen.

        I do have, in fact, a longer version. I’m still solving a few issues with it (since it does not need to comply with this word limit, it makes no sense to have just taken most of the ideas I had for it out), so it is not ready right now to be shared. But as soon as I think it is in a presentable state, I’ll be sure to ping you and send a link.

        I’m afraid that, even in the longer version in the current state, the moonshine was not all that developed. But this is one of the things I intend to work out a little bit more.

        As always, thanks for the comment. Your feedback is always greatly appreciated!

  13. Strong Berry Avatar
    Strong Berry

    The Lunar Turnabout
    By Strong Berry

    “Objection!”

    All of the courtroom turned to me.

    “Your Honor! Those results prove my client was framed!”

    “Objection!”

    Prosecutor Gant was furious. “Framed?! How dare you!”

    The judge gave me a grim look. “This is indeed a serious accusation, Mr.Magen. I suppose you can prove it?”

    “Objection!”

    Gant’s face looked an angry tomato. “Your Honor! Don’t buy into this… this LUNACY! Those results confirm that what was in the jar at the defendant’s house is the real moon! The Chief officer himself took the samples and did the testing. If that’s not decisive evidence, I don’t know what is!”

    “Objection!”

    I tried my best to look confident. “Your Honor, this is no lunacy!” (At least I hope it’s not…) “I have evidence that proves it!”

    Gant slammed his fist on his desk. “What could you possible have that could beat a perfect investigation?”

    I tapped my temple twice, mimicking Gant’s usual smug gesture. “It was a bit… TOO perfect.”

    Too excited to wait for the judge’s permission, I pulled out the paper professor Hakim gave me. “This is a page from ‘The Size of Magic – An Overview of Size Changing Spells’ By Professor Ibrahim Hakim. To quote: ‘If the enchanted container with the shrunken object were to break or open without the caster renewing their unique spell, the object will immediately return to it’s original size.’”

    “I see. And how is that related to this case?” Asked the judge.

    “At the time of the investigation, my client was unconscious. Yet, the Chief somehow opened the jar for testing without getting crushed by the moon. Since each shrinking spell is unique, he could’ve only done this if he got the original caster to renew the spell!”

    I heard whispers throughout the gallery. The judge slammed his gavel. “Order!”.

    “Uh – Objection!”

    If he was a tomato before, now he was a horrified paper mask. “This can’t be…! I’ve been fooled? Me, Arrow Gant?!”

    I nodded. “Your Honor! The defense demands…” I said loud and clear. “…the Chief Officer Shuckran Ramai to be brought here to testify about his investigation!”

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      I love this court drama. Quite fun and comical, almost like the kind of thing rich people give frivolous lawsuits over.

      Very fun. I have no complaints or critiques to give. Excellent work.

      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you for the kind words!

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Hold it!
      Why do I think this whole trial must be done in three days or less or else the accused is considered guilty? Oh, I know why, and that’s why I haven’t submitted the evidence of the inspiration until that very moment!

      That was great, really. I love how the heightened drama fills incredibly in place with what you is going for. I can’t help but want to put this whole discussion in one of those bots that turn twitter threads into Ace Attorney back-and-forths.

      And the case in itself! Such a bizarre idea!

      Really, this is very surprising. It is quite difficult to write elements enough for a turnabout in such a short story, and you managed to use the words greatly. It does not feel rushed – you even have time to set the tone of drama, the descriptions of the reactions, and wrap it up with a kind of resolution at the end.

      Great job here. Thanks a lot for sharing, that was a very fun read.

      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you! I’m glad this turned out well, because I had to cut a lot for it to fit within the word limit. I thought the idea of someone stealing the literal moon and put it in a jar was perfect for an Ace Attorney case. Maybe I’ll even make it in Objection.lol.

    3. Lol! This is just fun! It’s perfectly absurd and had me chuckling away the whole time. And you did amazingly at getting the case across for to the reader while solving the case in the story. The dialogue was a riot, especially since at one point it seemed like the Objection was at the judge, which is all kinds of funny even outside of the Objection meme.

      I was also cracking up at the “…a little TOO perfect.” Which is always amazing.

      Great take on the prompt!

      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you! I’m glad you liked it.

    4. OBJECTION!!!

      I don’t have anything relevant to say. I just wanted to say that.

      The Ace Attorney twist was a big surprise for a writing prompt, and I applaud the authenticity, creative dialogue and magical twist. 👏🙌👏🙌👏🙌👏

      Now have a LIKE!

      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you for the kind words!

    5. This is excellent.

      I love that the whole case seems to have hinged on and been undone by something that, people in the field of magic would ABSOLUTELY know out of necessity, but the common man probably wouldn’t.

      And honestly I kinda like the idea some detective could have opened the jar to investigate the supposed moon and instantly killed everybody in a thirty mile radius via rapidly expanding space rock.

      Ooh! Now there’s a twist. It was a plot for exactly that to happen.

      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you for the kind words! I’m glad you liked my idea!

    6. This was an amazingly funny story. I never would have thought to be reading about court room shenanigans with this prompt. Good job with that idea!

      And the execution was on point as well, I enjoyed it a lot. And now I want to read more about this… and what the chief officer has to say.

      Thank you for writing and sharing this story!

      (You only have a typo in about the middle of the story; “It was a bit… TOO prefect” <- at least I guess this was supposed to be "perfect". It doesn't matter much, I didn't even notice it at first, just thought I'd mention it.)

      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you for the kind words and the correction! I’m glad you enjoyed my story!

  14. WriterOfThought Avatar
    WriterOfThought

    The Thread of Conversation
    WriterOfThought

    “Do you ever miss them?” asked Inferno. It was a slow day, even for Death, it seemed. Slow enough that he was able to attend Fae Court, which was usually his wife’s duty, but she needed the day off.

    “How unusually sympathetic of you, Inferno,” Selene replied, not that anyone else could hear her. It sometimes got lonely, being the only living thread woven amongst the thousands of dead fibers around his neck. And he was not usually a talkative one.

    “More curiosity than sympathy,” he said with cold fire in his voice. It exuded command, and Selene was no longer above him, so she could not refuse the Fey King of Death of his request.

    “I miss The Author, sometimes,” she said. “And occasionally I even miss The Night Sister, but not how we used to fight.”

    “It almost sounds like a children’s story,” Inferno mused. “‘What the Moon Misses Most.’”

    He would have continued but the courtroom doors creaked open, and the pages announced the arrival of the Ambassador to the Trees in the West. The stuttering sycamore was growing concerned about an encroachment of humans in fey lands. In times past he would have handled such matters personally, but now he was an older, wiser, and more calculated Death. The world would not survive if he slaughtered every human that stumbled into fairy country. Not this soon after the last catastrophe.

    “I will confer with The Lunar Council on this matter,” he told the ambassador. None of his subjects knew that it was a council of one, who never left his side.

    When the ambassador left, Selene was much more talkative.

    “The Fairy Lands need more secure borders than a treeline,” she suggested. “Something that cannot be mistaken for nature or magical happenstance.”

    “I’m inclined to agree with you, but what of The Crone and The Arborist? They love to roam too much to agree with a strict border.”

    “Then, Fairy King Inferno,” the former moon said with particular emphasis on his title, “I believe it’s time to set up a proper form of law amongst chaos.”

    1. Xavier21 Avatar
      Xavier21

      This very short story have a deep potential if you let it expand to be a novella or an actual short story. It also happen to be one of those pieces of prompt that i believe to utilize every word in word limit effectively, so congrats! It also one of those deeply plotted short story that does not require you to have read the prequels in order to enjoy it, so also congrats!

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Oh, so many questions! This elicit so, so many questions!

      Okay, first of all, I love the setting and how well it works the whimsical nature of the fae. There is a lot I don’t know about this particular scenario, but some questions are certainly interesting regardless of where they take us (Was this Death always a Fae, or has he become one? Who is the wife of Death? What was the last catastrophe? Why is what seems to be the spirit of the Moon [or, at least, a Moon] reduced to a single thread in a collar, and why does she answers to Death of all people [or whatever Fae are, or whatever Inferno in particular is]?).

      Had it been another story, I’d say there is a little too much mystery for it to work. How much one can hint and not tell is a difficult balance to achieve, and here I think you veer dangerously close to way too much. But for this story the amount of it works. Fae being already something we would associate with alien ways help in allowing for the mysterious and the whimsical aspects to range more widely.

      And this is all very well-written.

      Great story. Thanks a lot for sharing!

    3. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This seems like a great opening for a larger story, or at least a part of it. It seems the ‘jar’ here is more of a restraint, it’s clever how you interpreted it.

      Good job!

    4. I liked this but I feel like I’m missing a lot of context.

      I’m not sure if the “moon in a jar” is represented by the proposed boundaries, or by the “former moon” being part of something woven around Death’s neck?

      It seems like a cool story and world, I just don’t think I’m understanding what’s going on.

    5. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      An interesting exploration into the Fae Court. I admit I’m a little confused on some points though. I followed that Inferno is “the fey king of death” and Selene is “the former moon” but a number of other details remain unclear. What is the Lunar Council? who is the one with the ambassador all the time and why? It seems like there is simply context missing, though its understandable for that to happen given story size limitations. If fleshed out into a larger story I’m sure it would be an interesting and vivid fantasy world.

  15. Xavier21 Avatar
    Xavier21

    A Piece of The Moon
    By: Xavier Twentyone

    At night as I stand on the field of flying cows, flying dogs, and flying sheep, I too, see a piece of the moon floating on the sky. It is bigger than any other, but somehow I’m not worried, for I have my friend here, Mayu, who has a bachelor degree in magic.

    She cast a spell that I only know if I have an ear of her native language. Waving her wand through the air as blue particles spray from the top of her wand. Waving, and waving, and waving while casting the spell that requires her to sing a foreign song of beauty and mystique.

    She then began to dance on the field. A dance that entailed her to learn ballet beforehand, as if they teach this in her university. But I must not be fussy any further, for I need her to complete the spell to capture the moon.

    After she finishes the dance and the spell, a small blue moon sprouts out of the top of her wand, way smaller than the piece of moon. It is just a projection, but it never fails to capture my awe, even though I have witnessed it many times.

    The smaller moon then hits the piece of moon and becomes one with it, contaminating it with its blue light. Then Mayu begins to wave her wand again as if inviting the piece of moon to come closer, and I begin to open my jar and also invite the piece of moon to come closer as it shrinks to fit in my jar.

    And so we have finally done it, and we began to leave the field as one of the flying cows is sitting on the top of a tree. We enter my car that we used to get here and begin to start the engine.

    “Finally, it is enough for today,” said Mayu.

    “It is. Do you think you can capture the full moon?”

    “Just like the man who tried to capture the real moon and shatter it in the process? Leaving us with this mess? No.”

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      Your concept is very fun, but I would definitely practice your verb tenses, as your story is mildly difficult to read. From how it looks, my guess is that English is not your first language.

      The other part I would work on grammatically is knowing when you should use a comma instead of a sentence ending punctuation, but that one is not as jarring to the reader.

      I quite enjoyed this story, though. Fun concept and great imagery. I would take the time to let some of your more fantastical moments sink in with even more vivid description if the word count allowed.

      1. Xavier21 Avatar
        Xavier21

        Hi WriterOfThought, thanks for your kind and constructive comment. If you have the time, can you tell me the examples of my verb tenses and comma/sentence ending punctuation part that make my story mildly difficult to read? Because I am quite curious about my writing flaws and want to make it better. Once again, thank you

        1. WriterOfThought Avatar
          WriterOfThought

          Certainly!

          Since you seem to be going with the present tense, there’s a couple of places where you accidentally break into past tense.

          In “she cast a spell,” this conjugation of the verb would be better as “casts” because the word “cast” sounds more like a kind of past tense, but I think you confused it for the first person conjunction.

          In “she then began to dance”, the word “began” is an active verb, but is still in a past tense form, so the proper verb for the style you chose would then be “begins.”

          Similarly, we are so used to saying “said” instead of “says” that it’s easy to gloss over that this word is past tense.

          As for the punctuation, it is more evident in your dialogue portions. The last paragraph in particular would benefit from that first question mark being a comma, since the ideas are connected, but I would also consider switching the two phrases around.

          The other place where I noticed it was in the third paragraph, where you begin the last sentence with “but.” It is usually a word meant to combine two sentences together, as it’s a conjoining word, but when we speak it is often used to start sentences of rebuttal, so it’s easy to get confused. I would probably change the period before it to a comma, or remove the “but” entirely.

          These were the only things I noticed, but I also tend to hone in on grammar since I’ve taught it before. Your story was still good and I could follow what was happening, but these tiny changes would elevate it to a new level.

          1. Xavier21 Avatar
            Xavier21

            Thanks for your advice pal, really appreciate it, how ever I forgot to ask you something. What do you think of the line “She cast a spell that I only know if I have an ear of her native language”? Lets just say it’s grammatically correct, do you find this particular sentence weird, as in english speaker will not understand it very well? Someone told me this is does not make sense, is it?

            1. WriterOfThought Avatar
              WriterOfThought

              It doesn’t flow off the tongue easily and the way it reads, his understanding is optional instead of certain. Some of the word choice is also slightly clunky.

              I would instead reword it to be like, “she casts a spell (I only know that it’s spell because I have an ear for her language).” This is still clunky, but the words make a bit more sense in this order.

              1. Xavier21 Avatar
                Xavier21

                Once again, thanks for your advice

  16. Reminisce
    by Weiss

    As I looked outside into the sunrise, memories flooded me.

    I recalled faraway summer days when the sun shined stronger and brighter, it’s amber disc full of heartwarming gleam, and motley fields blooming in an intricate, kaleidoscopic patterns, and flowering hills around a small town, a collection of buildings scattered in the neighbourhood. On the outskirts – a big dusty road, the scent of hot asphalt rising up in the air, mixing with the floral aromas, the smell of the withering grass and dried up hay. On both sides of the road stood two houses – mine and Filian’s. I remembered as coveys of kids ran past as soon as the school ended, to the nearby river to swim and splash around in it’s clear slow waters. Myself, and Filian playing catch on the alleys of oak, aspen and maple. A fresh chilly wind brushing past our happy smiling faces, and the foliage up above giving us shade, painted in various tints of green, orange and red.

    I remembered adventures we used to have, the games we came up with, and how we built a starling-house together, and how we went to pickup strawberries in the forest.

    And the marigolds, asters and petunias in our garden. And clicking of my father’s typewriter through the open window. And a quiet talks on the terrace – about the future we dreamt of.

    And a glass jar of candies grandma kept on the counter – little spheres, almost perfectly round, some colored in rosey-green, some in lemon-yellow. My attention was caught by the one in pale greyish-white. It had irregularities, with cavities and rocky surface. It looked just like moon – throw it high enough and it will take it’s place on the sky dome, among the stars on a cloudless night. I always left this one for later. I wanted to try it last. Little did I know about my future…

    Sometimes, I still wonder. If I had this jar with me – how would the moon taste?

    1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
      Oliver Enslad

      Your writing brings bliss, literally. The imagery you paint reminds me a lot of my first few homes, and you describe comfort so well without using anything explicitly comforting. And it is very hypnotic the journey you take the reader on, every grandma had a jar of candies I’d like to believe but not many grandmas have a story point for it. I am still so curious what future the narrator is in that they no longer have it. Did they lose the moon to the sky? Either way, blissful story and it truly brings a nice chunk of peace!

      1. II am grateful for your kind words. This is really what I was going for, so it makes me happy thinking that I succeeded to invoke such feelings. Thhank you! I appreciate your feedback!

  17. Anything For You (For I-Prefer-The-Term-Antihero’s Ballad of the monsters)
    By Makokam

    Lighting struck across a field under a clear blue sky, exploding a pumpkin on a stump.

    Elizabeth took her hands away from her ears. “You’ve gotten much better at that.”

    “Not too shabby for the Modern Prometheus, huh?” He smirked, as lightning shot from his fingertips and into the sky.

    Her hands darted up to cover her ears, but too late. “Yes yes. The Modern Prometheus. Master of all the elements. It’s very impressive. But what else can you do with these powers of yours? Besides waste perfectly good produce.”

    “Hey now,” he said, pointing a finger at her, “target practice was your idea.”

    “My question still stands,” she said with her chin in the air. “Could you, say, roast the pumpkin for me?”

    A flame appeared in his hand, “Would you want it just roasted or made into a pie? Or maybe you’d be more interested in a soup?”

    Elizabeth held her hand out to stop him. “No. I think simply roasting it is enough for your culinary talents,” she teased.

    “I’d learn to cook anything you wanted. No task is too great or too small.”

    “No task? Would you pull down the moon and put it in a jar so I could keep it by my bedside?”

    Victor scoffed. “You wouldn’t want the moon on your bedside table.”

    “Why not? It’d be like a nightlight,” she asked with a grin

    “Elizabeth,” he said, as if scolding her, “We both know that the moon only reflects the sun’s light. If I really put the moon in a jar, it’d just be a rock.”

    “Well, it’d still be a very nice rock.”

    * * *

    Later, when Elizabeth retired to her bedchambers for the night, she noticed a large glass jar sitting at her bedside. Inside was what seemed to be an almost perfectly spherical rock, somehow floating off the bottom.

    She knew it couldn’t really be, but she couldn’t stop herself from peeking out the window at the sky, nor breathing a sigh of relief. “Still there.”

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      This story is so cute. It reminds me of those romance novels set in the Edwardian era, where women play coy by asking their suitors to do tasks to prove their love.

      As much as I love Elizabeth’s reaction, I’d almost rather see what Victor did instead, his thought process, but I doubt the word limit would have allowed it.

      It also occurs to me that this entire story references Frankenstein, and I have to applaud you for it.

      1. Oh, well boy do I have good news for you! Antihero’ Ballad of the Monsters is in fact, at least in part, a retelling/imagining of Frankenstein.

        And I’m glad you liked it. That vibe was my whole goal.

    2. This is so damn cute! I’m also a sucker for someone with phenomenal cosmic power using it for the lols. Though I would say if you control lightning, making sure you can hit a target would be pretty important.

      That said, it’s the adorableness that follows that really steals the show. It’s so in character for Victor to have such a scientific response of the Moon just reflecting light, which makes Elizabeth’s response of it being a very nice rock that much cuter.

      And then Victor gives her exactly what she wanted which is adorable overload. But you see, he didn’t go far enough! He should have enchanted the windows so that she couldn’t see the Moon out of them, just to mess with her lol.

      Great story! Loved the crossover tales this week!

      1. Thank you thank you!

        I believe antihero wrote a story a long time ago about a young Victor shooting lighting at a tree by accident and his whole family just going, “uh-huh. That’s very nice honey.” And that was the inspiration for this setting.

        And I also loved the idea of making a seemingly absurd request of someone for whom it might not actually be asburd.

    3. Adorable! 🥰

    4. I would totally believe it if the rock was from the moon.

      I like the playful banter between these two, especially when the dedication towards a request becomes serious afterwards. Good pacing. Such character. Much like.

      So cute!

      1. Thank you!

        The rock very well could be. I don’t think there’s a reason it couldn’t… 🤔
        Though I admit that wasn’t my intention.

        Banter is my FAVORITE and honestly it’s probably what I’m best at. I’m glad you liked it.

    5. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      An interesting exploration into Antihero’s universe. It is actually pretty neat to see the influence on the superhero-esque elements from your stories filter into Anti’s universe in the form of Victor wielding elements (not unlike we see magic being used in your other stories), but also how you drew out the question how is such destructive power turned to useful ends.

      Finally in the later part of the story after you’ve set up the idea or a request for the moon in a jar, and how Victor creates the rock floating in the jar leaving her to check the sky at the close was kind of cute and sweet. All around an interesting turn of things in Anti’s universe as you leave your own imprint there.

  18. Skeleton Avatar
    Skeleton

    Unnecessary Power (The Will)
    By Skeleton

    “…and they theorized that because the murals showed the energy—they think it might be plasma—flowing from the container, that it might be some kind of weapon.”

    Remianna’s voice was soothing to Eymir. He loved these moments with her, relaxing in the night, their bodied pressed up against each other as they tried to occupy the twin bed together. It made him feel like he was useful for something other than destruction and death.

    “The power of the moon confined to a jar,” she mused to herself. “What does that even mean? What power does the moon have? Is it alive? Is it another one of those Forebearer facilities? What’s the point in having a weapon like that?”

    “Rem?” Emyir began, his lips pulling tight as the sour topic surfaced. The dragoness against him adjusted herself to look at him slightly, wondering what was wrong. “Could we not talk about weapons?”

    Remianna was silent for a moment, her own expression souring at his dismissal of her interests. “I just think it’s interesting, Eymir,” she explained, “that the Forebearers—the supposed creators of civilization and life on this planet as we know it—had multiple facilities and designs dedicated to war.”

    “And they’re all dead now,” Eymir countered back, trying to regain what comfort he had in that moment he loved so much.

    “Yes, but that kind of technology could possibly be applied to help people, rather than destroy! Imagine having an energy source like the murals describe: infinite energy coming from the planet itself. We could power entire cities… all of civilization, even!”

    “And someone would just use it for their own gain—for their own pathetic purposes, Rem,” Eymir riposted again. “Infinite power brings infinite destruction. It’s better to let the past stay the past.”

    The white dragoness looked to her husband with dismay. “How can you say that? It would help far more than—”

    “Because that’s the reason I was born, Remianna,” Eymir concluded. “It’s the whole reason the Sufferer came to be: to destroy the world.”

  19. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
    Arith_Winterfell

    “The Moon and the Mists” (Aethryn Setting)

    By: Arith_Winterfell

    “Papa,” Anya said, “I wish I could touch the moon. It’s so magical.” Anya sat on her bed looking out her window up towards the moon where it hung over the distant vast Mists that forever lay beyond the mountains that surrounded the great city.

    Nimor, her father, smiled. “I would give that to you if I could. Though that’s because it isn’t mine to give to you. Who knows. Maybe someday you’ll sail there on a ship of clouds,” he added playfully.

    Anya turned to look at him excitedly, “Magic can do a lot!” While Nimor was indeed a mage, he also knew Anya had a somewhat inflated idea of what magic could really do. Still, it always made him smile at her innocence and wonderment towards the world.

    “But its YOU who can do a lot!” he beamed, “Magic is wonderful yes. But it is you who reaches for your dreams. That’s what makes magic work!” That, and mana energy, but that part was less important right now, he thought.

    Her smile faded then. “But Papa, will you check under my bed again tonight. I worry about the Mist monsters. The icky flying centipede thing might hide under there.”

    Nimor knelt and checked under her bed. “No, there’s no icky flying centipede monsters or any other Mist monsters under the bed. Just remember, they like it in the Mists, so your safe here. Okay?”

    Anya nodded, satisfied there were no monsters about.

    “And just remember, that’s one of the things mages do. We use magic to keep away the Mist monsters. So, you’ll always be safe,” Nimor added.

    Her smile returned. “Thank you, Papa!” Anya hugged him tightly.

    Nimor tucked Anya into bed, and soon she drifted off to sleep.

    Years later, Anya would look upon the gift her father gave her. A bottle enchanted with an illusion of the moon inside. He had said that while it wasn’t the real moon, it could always remind her to reach for her dreams and to remember the wonderment within herself.

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      Such a cute story! I love the interplay between the father’s years of knowledge and the girl’s innocence and imagination.

      And him giving her a bottled moon reminds me of a conflation of the sayings “reach for the stars” as well as “grasp your dreams”.

      Excellently done on the mood.

      I will say, though, kids are not the easiest to write. From the language she uses, I’d say she sounds like she’s 8 or 10, or from an upper class family. The former is usually older than kids are afraid of monsters under the bed, so I’m inclined towards the latter.

      1. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
        Arith_Winterfell

        Thanks for the feedback WriterOfThought. Though keep in mind, in this setting the Mist monster are real things, the stories of them are to keep her from venturing out into the Mists where they are a very real threat. 🙂

    2. Oh I really like this! It’s so sweet.

      Even in hard magic settings, I’ve always liked the idea of “we know what magic CAN do, but not what it CAN’T.”

      Mist monsters are such a common thing it’s hard for me know if I’ve read about yours before. Makes for a neat setting and constant/default threat.

      I do feel like the aside about them and checking under the bed was very much an aside, though.

      Great story. Will have to start paying attention to this world.

    3. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This one was sweet. The characters were likeable, their contrasting personalities of innocence and wonder of the daughter compared to the realist yet hopeful father makes it enjoyable. And the ending feels like a combination of both: The daughter’s grown, and she’s got her wish, in a way that is realistic.

      Good job!

  20. Moon H2O

    By Galer

    “Remind me again Larry why do we need to fill the moon with this liquid?” Drote a celestial, asked while his coworker filled the moon with the solution from an infinite jug.

    His fellow entity made out of stars, and the very space itself responded by rolling his eyes at his lazy friend “remember that this nonsensical planet has inky oily water as a sea right?”

    “Yeah and?” Drote asked.

    “And for some unfathomable reason, the moon was turned into a bottle of special liquid that controls the “waves” of said planet,” Larry said “to make sure nobody dies due to out-of-control “water” currents,”

    “That’s odd,” Drote said weirded out by the logic of this world.

    “Drote the very sun of this place is flat as a board, and the dirt of the planet is made of tissue,” Larry said in a deadpan tone ” I gave up trying to make sense of the place, to top it all off this solvent is dangerous”

    “….. Larry what happens if someone drinks the liquid,” Drote said seemingly distracted looking at something behind Larry that had finished filling the moon up.

    “They either turn into a weird monster or a god, they turn into monsters the most,” Larry responded,” why do you ask Drote?”

    “Mmm maybe hoping no one would notice the moon pathway wasn’t such a good idea,” He said as he pointed behind his friend which turned only to meet two beings one shining as if the light of the stars showered him, while the other was a mass of tails, rat heads, and dangerously bright eyes looking at each other with less than friendly eyes.,

    It didn’t take a genius to see what was about to happen.

    “Drote”

    “Yeah?”

    “Remind me again to punch you and then slap myself for following your fucking stupid ideas,” Larry said angered

    “… You know what? Fair,” Dorte declared.

    In that moment in which the god and the monster fought

    The two celestials ran for their lives, hoping their bosses would not demote them for this.

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      This story is delightful. I love that the moon IS the bottle. But I also love the office shenanigans of Eldritch demigods.

      It reminds me of the introduction to The Keys to the Kingdom, where a piece of a mystical living contract is locked away on a magic clock on a dead star. An unnamed guy just doing his job accidentally unleashes it and kick-starts the apocalypse. Such is the power this moon water seems to possess.

      Great job! Several thumbs up.

  21. Washed Away

    By Joe

    Garrett stood in the driveway wondering if he could grab the moon by positioning his hand in front of one eye. To his surprise, he did it! But he was shocked and baffled. Without knowing what to do he walked inside to his parents preparing dinner with a dumbfounded look on his face.

    “Ummm…” Garrett said.

    “What did you do?” his mother said thinking the tone in his voice meant he did something.

    “I…grabbed the moon from the sky,” he said slowly, still processing.

    “Oh, that’s cool!” His Dad said like he was dealing with a child’s imagination.

    This snapped Garrett to panick. “No, literally! Look!”

    The urgency in Garrett’s voice got his parents to turn and see the tiny moon.

    “Where did you pick this up from?!” His Mom grabbed it from his hands, and took it over to the sink. “There’s probably germs all over it!” She said as she washed it.

    Garrett was too stupified to stop her, and the moon turned into dust under the running faucet.

    “Well it’s gone now,” said Garrett’s Dad. “Not much of a toy if it washes away like that.”

    Garrett dropped his hands as the harsh realization fully processed.

    “Hey! The full moon is out tonight. We should take a photo with that snazzy camera you got, honey!”

    “Oh! Good idea!” said Garrett’s Mom as she rushed to get her camera.

    “The cool air rushed the smog out, so it’s gonna be a really good picture.” said Garrett’s Dad as he walked his son outside with him. “Alright! Let’s see this sucker.”

    Garrett didn’t look up at all. He remained face forward and wide-eyed. But he could feel his father’s concern grow the longer he couldn’t find the moon.

    “Where is it?” He said, very worried suddenly.

    “Alright! I got the camera~!” Garrett’s Mom sang. “Now Let’s take that picture!”

    She looked around and after a few seconds, she became very alarmed. Then she froze, remembering what her son said.

    “Garrett?” She said softly. “Where is the moon?”

    There was strain in Garrett’s voice. “Down the drain.”

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      I love this! I can’t imagine the ecological consequences of, first off, shrinking the moon and plucking it from the sky, but also of washing it down the drain. With the horror-comedy you’ve set up, though, I can’t help but imagine something similar to Despicable Me where surfers quickly can’t surf, and werewolves become just guys in boxer shorts.

      The build up to the rest of the family realizing what was done is so well timed! I’d even say it’s perfect! I’d love to see their faces as they realized in their haste the consequences of their actions.

      Excellent work!

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Well, each new story I read from you convinces me more and more that you have mastered the style of taking something absurd, making it happen, and then run with it (with some people realizing the bizarre situation they are in and so just being oblivious to it). That is a very particular style of comedy, and I love finding it in your stories. The timing, the ideas, the simplicity and the absurdity of it all are always great. And here, it is again.

      Though now I’m thinking on they taking out to pipes to try to fish for the moon dust before it reaches the sewer system. I don’t think if that would have any usefulness (and I don’t think they would, either), but the situation in itself is desperate enough for strange occurrences.

      The contrast between how Garret feels during the washing of the moon and how his parents are dealing with the very mundane situation of their child carrying home something that might be dirty is just gold. I thought that was such a high point it was difficult for the story to keep the same level until the end, but boy, was I wrong. Maintaining the contrast while bringing the theme ever closer to focus was a great way to keep it engaging, and that ending line is just the perfect cherry on top of a beautiful (and tragic) cake.

      Love it.

      Now for that thumbs up button… oh, no.

      Did I take the Thumbs Up out of the internet?

  22. Collector

    By: Iskritt

    I sighed happily to myself as I looked at the beautiful night sky above me. The crackling campfire provided the only sound as I sat alone in the woods, camping again for the third time this month. The natural environment, the peace, and most importantly, the shining night sky, unaffected by the light of the city and letting the moon and stars shine brightly. All of it never failed to calm me when I needed it, and nothing had ever made me need it like these past few weeks. Busy with work, busy with normally fun side projects that had just entered their not-as-fun stages. Everything recently had been piling on to stress me out, and camping always helped calm me.

    So I sat on a log, partially eaten by moss and rot, watching the smoke of my pyre rise into the night sky. I let out another sigh of happiness as tiredness swept over my body. I had to relent to it and slowly moved to my tent. I couldn’t enjoy the night if I was too busy pushing away the sleep.

    As soon as I entered my tent, I felt something. A deep rumbling in my body I had never felt before. I tried to ignore it only to feel it again, a violent wave passing through me like I was standing too close to an electric guitar player at a rock concert. I rushed back out of my tent and looked around. I saw nothing, but something was wrong.

    I looked to the sky.

    There was a man. No, a creature, vaguely humanoid with arms stretching across the whole sky, blocking out the stars. I felt another rumble as what appeared to be its mouth opened. It held a jar in its hands, refracting the light from the moon nearby and shining it directly on me, forcing me to look away. The next thing I knew, the light disappeared, another wave from the thing’s “voice” reverberated in my body, and all fell silent.

    I looked to the sky again, but something was different.

    The moon was gone.

    1. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
      MelancholicOtaku

      First thing first, I had a lot fun reading this,I’m on my second read thru. The only thing I can say that might need to be work on is small grammar stuff but everything else is great.

      Being out in nature enjoying the vibe, how calming the moonlight night can be,how can anyone not love this feeling.
      I’m also wondering where did the moon go, are we going to go with a fantasy route where some form of magic was used or maybe sci-fi where some unknown machine was used to steal the moon or maybe it’s aliens,the possibilities are endless 😆

  23. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    Known Once, Lost Forever (For Makokam’s Chronicles of the Dragon)
    By i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    Sera hoped their child would know warmth. Singing was recommended, so she began with an old lullaby: “If I could put the moon in a jar, for you I would. If I could snatch all the stars from the sky, like butterflies, for you I would.”

    “Little early, isn’t it?” Jonathan sat beside her. “The baby hasn’t even developed ears yet.”

    She smiled. “Never hurts to get a head start.”

    *****

    Kat snuggled up to her mother, surprised to hear her sing: “…If I could turn the night into a blanket, I would tame the sky just to keep you warm…”

    Kat had never known warmth. She knew chill. She knew fire. She knew hunger. Never warmth.

    She’d never known the moon either. Or the stars. Or Earth.

    She looked above, and wondered if this was what love was. A hug in the dark. A song in hell.

    *****

    Charles wrapped his arm around Kat. “If I could turn the sun into a song,” her husband sang. His voice wasn’t adept at the craft, but he was trying, and that’s what mattered. “I would sing it every day to keep you out of the dark.”

    She remembered that lullaby. Hearing it now was like war. A distant memory. A battered child. A damned world.

    A moment of relief.

    A lifetime of lies.

    Nothing was as it seemed. Nothing…Except for Charles.

    She didn’t marry him because she needed the shiny tiles and silken sheets. She married him because she needed the warmth in his voice.

    *****

    Kat clutched cold sheets, and raw memories. Most children don’t need to learn to cry, but crying was as foreign to her as fire is to most. The tears forced their way through her eyes like snakes out of eggs.

    Her voice quaked and caught as she sang an old lullaby: “And if I had to trade the whole world…” She sobbed, her voice and fingers curling further, “just to stall the daisies…” The edges of the sheets began to burn. Kat looked up, fire igniting in her eyes. “For you I would.”

    1. Great piece. It’s sad, and you work wonders with the words, and especially with makocam’s world. I love this, its one of the pieces where everything falls apart, instead of coming together. Great piece!

    2. I would like to order one therapy please.

      This story has a heavy sense of romance and tragedy I feel many are too afraid to write because they’re afraid it’s too mawkish. But I find it important and endearing to be direct with it than stall it, unless it’s important for its impact.

      I really enjoy the metaphors. The line “…If I could turn the night into a blanket, I would tame the sky just to keep you warm…” is such a nice lyrical twist to a ‘blanket of stars’. Poetic and sentimental.

      And the lyric “And if I had to trade the world just to stall the daisies” really rings with the emotion described that someone has died, and she’s not okay. In fact it sounds like she’s making a pact twith herself to kill someone responsible for taking someone from her.

      The phrase “The tears forced their way through her eyes like snakes out of eggs” gave me a very vivid and unsettling feeling, but that was the point to Kat’s emotion. Because she never cries it feels new and unsettling, possibly even scary to her. Especially since it was a voice that made everything feel okay, and now Kats is the only one left to sing for herself.

      I also really liked the overall arc of Kat’s use of the lullaby that seemed to have changed due to her role changing. She went from being sung to as a suffering child, being sung to by a doting lover, to someone singing to herself as she prepares herself for a vendetta.

      And after everything that has happened in her life, knowing hunger, coldness, a song and a hug, it makes me hope that one day she’ll get to see a real moon and know the warmth a hot meal and the person who prepared it in sunlight.

      Applause. 🙌👏🙌👏🙌👏🙌👏🙌👏🙌👏

      1. Kat could use a therapy as well.
        Perhaps several.

    3. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      This is an awesome story filled with sorrow and hope. I love the way you use song in this piece. The way the events of Kat’s life weave about the elements of the lullaby song. First the warmth of her biological mother, then again in hell, then the voice of her lover, and finally her own voice alone in the dark. Beautiful and Sorrowful.

      There was also some very vivid and solid descriptions there too, especially the snakes from eggs image.

      I admit it was a little difficult to follow some aspects of the story due to the limited word count. I understood a lot of the story because I knew about Kat and her time in hell already, so a lot of the story made a lot of sense thanks to knowledge from outside the story. Which is probably why I didn’t quite follow the events at the story’s end when the sheets burn. But I look forward to more details as the imagery was just so good in this story!

    4. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      There is such a raw tragedy to this story. It’s one of those that’s best told in the order dictated by emotional impact rather than the linear progression of time.

      It reminds me of a show I once watched where these twins were hidden in the woods by their mother because they were half monster, but the mother came back to care for them frequently, until one day she did not come back. The twins get a happy ending but here, the happy ending hasn’t been earned yet, it’s still in the process.

      10/10. Great job!

    5. This is the first time I read of them at the same time in a chapter. Bittersweet.

  24. The Spectator’s Child
    By Sam C.

    He slashed down his sword, only to have it parried away by the other’s blade. His opponent charged, thrusting his blade forward. He ducked under the blow, and kicked out at the man’s legs. The enemy fell backward, rolling onto his stomach. Before he could finish standing, though, his head was severed from his body. The other combatant twitched for a moment, before falling down dead. He breathed heavily for a moment, before straightening up and yelling.

    “I’ve beaten him again! Let me out!”

    There was a chuckle, before he felt all his actions reversed rapidly, and he was standing, facing his opponent again.

    ***

    The young Child laughed, shaking the funny globe again. The little people inside started playing again, it was so fun to watch them. He bent his legs behind him, swinging them as he lay watching.

    His fun was interrupted as his mother stepped in the room. “Luna! You put that down! You know you’re not supposed to be playing with Mommy’s globes.”

    “But they’re so fun…” the Child whimpered.

    She sighed. “Luna, do you know why Mommy has these things?”

    “No, you won’t tell me until I’m older.”

    “Well, I guess you’re old enough to know now,” She said, almost to herself. “Okay. Mommy is a Spectator, and so are you. It is my job to preserve and protect the world and its stories. I was put in charge of that when The Weaver created me.”

    “I have these,” She continued, “To help me. I put dangerous people in there when they deserve it, or I use it to preserve something for the future. They are tools, not toys, and you can do bad things to the world if you play with them. Do you understand now?” She asked, looking down at her son.

    He was fast asleep.

    She rolled her eyes to herself as she scooped him up, amused. Maybe someday he’d understand, but not today. Today, he was just a naughty boy getting into trouble.

    She placed the globe back on the shelf as she left the room, turning out the lights behind her.

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      This is such a fun concept, keeping worlds in essentially snow globes.Vetu nicely done, and your child character cones across like an actual child, which is no easy feat.

    2. Sniperaxiom Avatar
      Sniperaxiom

      Cool idea! This kid is kinda messed up having the guys in the globe fight to the death, I can’t help but imagine the guy that died wasn’t that bad or something lol. I like how you explained the world through the mother speaking to her child, it helped it not feel to expositiony. But yeah, the concept is just really cool and I like it a lot :D! Great story, I think it was a rly cool way to use the prompt!

      1. It’s not a fight to him, he thinks they’re playing. That was kind of the reason it was worded that way. Thanks!

  25. Tamela Redfin Avatar
    Tamela Redfin

    Moon’s Reflection

    By Tamela Redfin

    Mica climbed into his mother’s arms and they walked home, leaving Sapphira leaning against the tree.

    Sapphira soon returned home, feeling sad. Why didn’t Mica believe she was nice? Oh well, it was worth a shot to be nice.

    Reagan wasn’t pleased she left. “What was all about? Jasper stayed put.”

    “You were mean!” Sapphira blurted out at point blank.

    “Mean? What do you mean?” Reagan snapped.

    “You called me subpar and called Mica a human fucker.” Sapphira explained.

    “Only I can say that word! You can set up a tent for tonight and sleep out there. Get eaten by wolves– I don’t care.”

    “But mom… I’m sorry.” Sapphira cried.

    Oh stop giving me those crocodile tears.” Reagan shouted.

    It was cold as the air blew by, but then an unexpected savior appeared.

    “Cece!” Sapphira smiled.

    “Your mother is a jerk. I brought blankets and snacks.” Cecilia told Sapphira. She hugged Cecilia and smiled.

    “Thanks.” Sapphira sniffled. In the sky, something quickly flashed by.

    “Oh neat it’s a meteor shower.” Cecilia pointed at the sky.

    “That’s amazing.” Sapphira pointed to another that flew by.

    In the distance she noticed other silhouettes. Were they Cameron and his family? It was a nice night to watch.

    “I also think Mica will, in time, see you aren’t like your mother. I think sometimes you just need to get to know a person. Yes, like Cameron.”

    Sapphira giggled, “I wish I could squish tonight into a bottle so I’d never forget it.”

    1. LenneLenni Avatar
      LenneLenni

      Hi! Wonderful story, I simply can’t put into words how I felt while reading this. Although, I do think it lacks some description to add more emotions and feeling to it. But overall, this was a great piece.

  26. Reinkarnitor Avatar
    Reinkarnitor

    Caught the moon for ya!

    by Reinkarnitor

    “It sure is nice getting out once in a while” the black-haired girl sighed and stretched her arms as she walked through the park.

    “Well the night air sure feels nice, Fiona” the boy with messy brown hair who walked next to her admitted.

    Fiona looked at him with her red eyes. If only they could walk out during the day…but it was impossible…at least as long as she was with him. Secretly she wondered if he
    was annoyed that they could only take a stroll at this hour.

    “You have that look again.”

    The girl flinched.

    “W-what look? I don’t know what you mean, John” she feigned ignorance.

    “Don’t play dumb, you’re to smart for that. Something’s on your mind.”

    Fiona sighed again, this time in defeat and told him: “It’s just…we can only walk together at this hour.”

    John raised an eyebrow.

    “THAT’S what you were worried bout? I don’t care how late it is, as long as I can spend time with you.”

    The girl blushed a bit and after realizing what he just said, John did so as well.

    “T-the stars are beautiful aren’t they?” he quickly tried to change the topic and Fiona nodded hastily.

    “They sure are. And the moon is so bright and full.”

    They continued to walk in awkward silence for a while, just looking at the full moon above them.

    John obviously was a bit uncomfortable with the silence. Then suddenly he felt his foot brush against something. He looked down and saw an empty glass bottle on the ground. First he was a bit annoyed because someone littered, but then a smile spread on his face and he picked it up.

    “Oy fangs check it out!” he called out to her, and she turned to him.

    He then held the bottle in an angle so the moon looked to be in it.

    “Caught the moon for ya! Couldn’t do that during daylight!”

    He chuckled and a smile spread across Fionas face as well, revealing her sharp fangs.

    And so the two laughed together under the captured moon.

    1. I like this one! Good piece as always, Reinkarnitor. It’s a cute take on the literal take on the prompt. It’s well developed too, and I just adore the “fantastical but normal” types of stories. It’s very endearing to see the awkward silence and John not caring about the time, as long as it was with Fiona.

  27. Constellasphere Avatar
    Constellasphere

    Lavender Dyed You
    By Constella

    The Archiver often ended her long periods of work by gazing up at the night sky. She would do so in serenity, her dark eyes closing as a soft breeze came in through the window and played with her hair. Tonight the moon was a waning crescent and the field of flowers thrived under it; their petals opened shyly to voice their greetings and good tidings. The stars danced with their only sister, twinkling in an endless tapestry.

    It had surprised her when the sound of soft footsteps entered the room. She opened her eyes and looked to her right to see Ares there, sitting down in a spare chair near her. His fingers passively toyed with the end of the night shirt he wore in lue of there no work to be done. Though he tried his hardest to hide it, the Archiver could see clear as day his reddened eyes and face. But she said nothing of it and simply looked back to the sky; she set to never overwhelm him even though it pained her to watch him suffer, but instead had offered her company should he desire it. This was the first time he had accepted her offer; the Archiver was always glad to see any signs of him further healing.

    “Would you like some tea?” Her voice was feather-light as to not scare him. She knew his ram ears, constantly flicking out of anxiety, were sensitive. With a bit of hesitation, he nodded silently, his eyes remaining downward.

    The flowers outside made a beautiful drink; it was perfectly sweet without the need of other additives and when brewed would dye the water a translucent lavender. When Ares had the teacup safely within his hands, he first raised it upward, towards the moon. Within the crystalline cup the glowing orb was tinted and wavered; he held it as still as he could and yearned silently.

    A sigh came from him and he lowered his arm, looking back down and taking an idle sip. Though they didn’t fall, she could still see tears coalescing within the endlessly conflicting ocean of his eyes.

    1. Wonderful piece! it’s cute, and leaks vibes all over the place. The elegance of the prose is incredicle, and paints an image easily in my mind.

      A bit of critique on my end: there are some run-on sentences around the piece, which make it a bit harder to understand. In addition, there is one sentence that seems to be made of two unrelated clauses. “His fingers passively toyed with the end of the night shirt he wore in lue of there no work to be done.” Just some recommendations.

    2. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      Once again you create a vivid image of the world your fiction is set in. You paint such a vivid picture of the Archiver enjoying the moon and the night above a flower field. You capture the sadness of Ares well, even though we don’t delve into what is specifically going on with him. And the Archiver never presses him to talk about it, but instead we have the picture of patience in silent company enjoying tea with each other. It is a vivid and colorful picture you paint.

      Your story reminds me a lot of poetry, not in structure per se, but it its use of imagery to paint a mental picture. We are left to wonder, however, what is really going on for Ares and why he is suffering, which left me wanting more from your future stories. So good work!

    3. Sniperaxiom Avatar
      Sniperaxiom

      This story is so cute! I really love how the two just quietly enjoy each other’s company. The pace of the story is slow and calming, making it feel longer than it is. I love how considerate she is of him, staying quiet and only speaking softly to offer him some tea. I also like how the moon is reflected in The tea cup :D. Great story, well done!

  28. A Bottle of Moonshine (Exile Universe)
    By Alex Nightingale (aka Spectre)

    The basement already had a very strong odour of items in various stages of fermentation, but the scent Janeah got off of the round, green bottle was something else. She held it up to the light of her torch, watching the clear liquid inside, swirling it a little from side to side.

    “I don’t know what you are,” Janeah muttered to herself. “But you don’t smell drinkable.”

    She checked the smell again and her tail curled up slightly. Figuring that it was probably safer to not have an open fire close to that particular bottle, she placed her torch into an empty holster on the wall and tried to rely on the dimmer light to find what she was looking for.

    Who knew that raiding an abandoned liquor cellar for cocktail ingredients would be so challenging. The biggest difficulty was not the old, iron door with a relatively pitiful lock, but the fact that whoever had owned this place hadn’t bothered to label any of the crates and barrels down here in any clear way.

    Janeah blew off the dust off of one of the barrels and watched the frost from her breath form over the wood. Slightly annoyed, she clicked her tongue and took out a small hammer she’d brought with her. A few beatings later and the barrel revealed its contents as a wonderful, strong-smelling, glorious compound of vinegar.

    For a moment, Janeah stared into it. She supposed, she shouldn’t be too surprised that this wouldn’t work out as intended, but having wine barrels filled with pickle juice was not the hiccup she’d expected to run into. Even in the dim torchlight, she could not make out anything stored in these barrels, aside from vinegar. Checking a few of the other barrels revealed much of the same.

    She sighed and turned back to the bottle with the strong smell. It smelled like alcohol… even if a few sips alone could be enough to kill her. She sighed, shrugged and pocketed the moonshine. Maybe it would come in handy, if they ever ran out of firewood.

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      Yes! I was wanting someone to make it about moonshine lol.

      Excellent work. Great tension. I was excited from the moment I read the title. Quite captivating.

  29. Timeless
    By “Six”

    It was just another hot Thursday afternoon in Georgia. The slight stench of rotting fish and buzz of uncountable insects filled the air. It was days like this we’d often go fishing. She’d give me a wink and pull out the ol’ red 1972 Ford Bronco.

    My grandmother was an amazing woman. But… Solitary. Grandfather died long before I was born and she never dated again. She’d tell us that asking her to date again would be like capturing the moon in a jar. I never knew what she meant by that. But it always stuck in my mind.

    Grandma introduced me to Kayla. I was to “make sure she got home safe”… the whole 300 feet to her front door. Needless to say, when in a small town you usually dont argue too much. Kayla… Was everything. Brunette, maybe 5’5. But the spark in her eyes could get me to do anything. Gave me two wonderful children. They both grew up and have their own families. Moved across the country, one even in Japan. Can’t tell you the name of the city.

    Kayla died about 4 years ago. Lung cancer. Never saw her upset though. I dont think she saw me smile for years. Strongest person Ive ever known. She would scold me if I fought how things affected me. She always knew best.

    I drive the Bronco now. I get to make the wink. And now I’m the solitary one. I had the moon in a jar. I did the impossible. Never expected the hardest part would be realizing it.

    – First submission so sorry if its clunky!

    1. Xavier21 Avatar
      Xavier21

      Hi, its okay to write your “clunky” submission, but i would recommend that you don’t write it on the submission, because i am afraid that the bot/Ai will dismiss it, and if not the Mod will. Just wait for the others to comment to tell them that this is your first submission.

      I think the first paragraph is nicely written because it gives you not just the context, but also the vibe of the story by giving it auditory and olfactory sense description. however, you seem to compressed a whole lengthy story that should took an actual short story or a novella to complete, into this very short piece. Not recommend it for a couple of reason mainly the word limit. But i think this is mainly the problem of your plot not your writing style and skill. If you keep your first paragraph’s writing style, while shortening the plot, maybe it will be a better short story.

      Also because of your lengthy plot, you should also utilize our word limit because I checked that your word count is only 262 words, which you still have plenty if you wish to not change the plot.

      1. Yeah I misread the rules at first which is entirely my mistake. I had read it as a LIMIT of 250 and only realized later on so added a bit more to fit the guidelines. I really restrained myself and spent longer figuring out how to say a lot with a little.

        Thank you very much for the advice though, Ill ensure not to add extra snip-its to the stories and utilize my full word count for my next submission!

    2. LenneLenni Avatar
      LenneLenni

      This is a wonderful submission! I’ve never read anything like this before so I can’t give much criticism, but it’s honestly such a unique kind of writing style. It feels very rushed near the end and somewhat in the middle. I feel like you should take advantage of your words more since there’s so much more I think you were capable of. Overall 9/10!

    3. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
      MelancholicOtaku

      First off awesome job on the first story submission, the first one is always the hardest lol.
      Okay so like you I’m also a new writer so I don’t think it’s too much I can tell you to improve on, but some things I did notice was the pacing and structure is kinda all over the place , but at the same time I think that’s because of the word count .Use the word count to your advantage, I feel like a couple of more statements would have made the story even better.
      However the story is still great especially the moon in a jar bit, how finding and falling in love with the right person can feel like something that is beautiful but also feel like it’s impossible.

    4. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      First of all, hello and welcome! It is great to see new people submitting their stories. I hope to see more of your work in the future.

      So, I read the comments before me, so I won’t repeat what others have said. Pacing could be better, and the story is quite short, but I know that you have at first tried to make a 250 words at maximum story… so let me say, it is quite impressive the amount of information, development and emotionality it contains in such a short work! You should be proud not only by your ability in being concise, but also by doing it in style!

      I really like the casual tone the story takes, even when discussion things that are near to heart. It reminds me of some of my favorite writers (Kurt Vonnegut and Hemmingway come to mind), though since it is your first piece here, it is difficult to see if that is a thing about this particular story or a thing about your writing style. Regardless, it will be fun to discover.

      The way you used the prompt was great. I loved how at first it seems like just an expression for something unachievable (and that causes some confusion to the narrator), and then he notices that he had lived through that. So it is not just how these character’s stories are conveyed in the tale, but also how an expression changes meaning and is filled with emotional weight and memories.

      Really interesting story, and a great first submission! Keep on writing!

    5. Welcome to the Foundry! For a first submission I thought this was really good. I won’t tread on the things the other comments have said but I do think you did a lot in the words you used.

      The way you bookended the story with mirrors of how the narrator’s grandmother dealt with loss and how the narrator themself deals with it came across really powerfully and it makes the first paragraph pack that much more of a punch.

      Definitely looking forward to your next submission. Great take on the prompt!

  30. Some People are Always Trying to Ice-Skate Uphill
    By Marx

    “I don’t think you understand what’s about to happen here.” The man said, glaring at his demonic prisoner. “The very short time you have left to live is going to be in the most excruciating pain you can imagine.”

    “Oh no. Pain. Whatever shall I do?” Mara replied with a roll of her eyes, unfazed by the magic literally chaining her down.

    “I’m not talking to you. I have nothing to say to a mere filth demon. I’m talking to your Master. He can hear me, yes? I want to make it very clear what happens when someone attempts to steal from me.”

    Mara pulled against her bonds to no avail. “Funny how someone who siphons power from a deity has a problem with stealing. That said, my Master isn’t listening. He’s probably freeing your caged deity as we speak. Though I will admit the enchantments on these chains are impressive.”

    The man’s eyes narrowed even further at Mara. “I know my enchantments are impressive. They were designed for something a Hell of a lot more powerful than you, much less anyone pathetic enough to take such a weak demon as a familiar. Something your Master will see when he fares no better than you.”

    “Yeah… about that…” Mara began to pull more and more against her restraints, causing the aura around the chains to flicker. “I may be a weak demon. Maybe even one of the weakest. And at best I may show nothing but a pale reflection of my Master’s power. But the truth is… you’re the one who has no idea who you’re dealing with…”

    By the time the man realized the enchantments were fracturing, they’d already been shattered as Mara freed herself.

    Her eyes glowed a Hellish crimson. She licked her lips before baring her razor sharp teeth. Her nails lengthened into pointed claws. The flames of the damned surrounded her as she approached. “Now… what were you saying about… pain?”

    Mara cackled loudly as the man fled, waiting a few moments to give the hunt some extra excitement before launching herself after her prey.

    1. Wonderfully imaginative. It has a sort of energy to it that almost made me want to read faster to match the pace. Hellsing imagery in my mind which is awesome. Clearly a vibrant world with many possibilities and I cant help but be curious about it.

    2. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      What an ending. It appears you took the ‘moon’ and thought of something beautiful and powerful, and the jar – some week restraint or trap. This is a clever take on the prompt, and again, that ending is great. Really gets you hyped up for the chase.

      Good job!

    3. “It’s true. I do have but the tiniest fraction of my Master’s power. But here’s a question for you: What is one percent of infinity?”


      I don’t suppose the God being freed in the background of this scene is… Luna? Celeste? Selene?

      This honestly feel like the whole thing with Mara being captured was just a diversion. With the added advantage of putting Mara withing biting distance of this asshole.

      1. Lol! You aren’t wrong. A fraction of Matt’s power is still stupidly powerful.

        And I won’t lie, the deity was vague on purpose. It could have been Aphrodite or Ishara or one I haven’t introduced yet. But I suppose a Moon based deity would work. It wouldn’t even be the first time I named a character after the prompt. I know Nisha means darkness/night and she was introduced in a prompt about darkness.

        As for this one though, I kinda liked the idea of Mara being the Moon because her ‘shine’ is a reflection of the Sun/Matt.

        Lol and Mara is 100% stalling while Matt frees the deity in question.

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