Writing Group: A Taste of Eternity

Hello, Augurs and Alchemists! 

Come on, just one little bite? Maybe a lick? I know it’s dangerous. But one taste can’t hurt, right? Because….

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

A Taste of Eternity

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

Eternity can mean many things. It can be a beautiful gift, or a terrible punishment, depending on the story you want to tell. But something I love about this prompt is that it’s not just about someone living forever, it’s about someone “tasting” eternity. This could be a taste they are familiar with—even a taste they have come to despise. But usually this phrase is used when someone says they’re getting a first sample of something. Like getting a taste of ice cream before buying a bowl of it. Or giving a young adult their first taste of beer. What is it to get a taste test of eternity? 

It may make you think of a heavenly sort of eternity. Maybe you think of Greek gods and goddesses. Such as Psyche, who became a goddess after drinking ambrosia. Or Persephone, who was already a goddess, but who became bound to the Underworld for eternity because she ate the pomegranate seeds. You could write about the first time Sisyphus rolled the boulder up the hill, realizing what his eternal punishment would be like. You could even write about Zeus’ eagle getting a taste of Prometheus’ eternal liver. 

You could write about the undeath sort of eternity, such as vampires, ghosts, zombies, or liches. Could someone get a taste for what it is to be a vampire without being one? Perhaps someone expresses they want to be a vampire, and their vampire friend shows them the horrors of their day-to-day life to give them a taste of what their eternity is like. Maybe a ghost tells the one person who can see them what their eternity is like, and tries to help them avoid it. Maybe a lich sets up a simulation to show their protege how awesome it is to be a lich.

Or, for a more realistic take, you could write about an addict who believes their substance of choice lets them taste eternity—literally or figuratively. You could write about someone trying a drug for the first time, and after that first taste, they can’t stop. You could write about someone trying to stop, and having difficulty because they refuse to abandon that taste they got of eternity. 

Going back to my first example, you could also write a wacky and hilarious story where eternity is a literal food. Maybe an ice cream shop has a new flavor called “Eternity” and your character tastes it, only to remark that eternity tastes a lot like bananas. 

My challenge for you this week is to really try to place the reader in the mind of the character experiencing eternity—especially if it is their first taste of it. This is sort of a telling vs showing exercise. You guys are usually quite good at this, but I want you to go even deeper this week. Whether it is something sweet and beautiful, or something sickeningly horrible…or if it just vaguely tastes like bananas, I want to feel what the character is feeling when they taste it. 

Alright fine. If you’re gonna be like that, I’ll just get my taste of eternity from another supplier.

—Kaylie 

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least five stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

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    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
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Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

178 responses to “Writing Group: A Taste of Eternity”

  1. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
    Matthew R. Wright

    CHEW!
    By Matthew R. Wright

    All was NOT calm at Burshall Farm. More frustration, really. Marabelle – longstanding leader of the Burshall Bovine Belief – gave a long and exhausted sigh at the recently discovered body of Herschel; their farmer. Contorted – Twisted – Bent. His hideous form a byproduct of the Belief, of what they did one autumnal night, long ago.

    They formed a hexagonal mud-circle around the remains of dear Herschel. Symbolic – Traditional – Cultural – Purposeful.

    “What now?” questioned Dottie, the least amongst the cattle; tense and full of fears. “What we always do. Bring him back,” replied Marabelle “For it is the way.”

    “Remember: Chew, Moo, Chew, ftaghu.”

    Silence spread across the brush all fields.

    Each cow lowered their heads in unison and took a bite of the earth; of grass and dirt. Six points dug into the hexagon that surround the ex-farmer. The Six points, a solemn meaning.

    “Moooooooooooooooo,” chanted the Belief, the floor beneath vibrating with the low, guteral, droning pitch. “Chew.” Every member chewed HARD into their flesh, mixing blood and dirt and spit. Dottie glanced at the hexagon as their eyes glimmered with an anicent golden hue; she could not help but ask…

    “What about the fabric? With each use, we bring IT closer into our plane. Haven’t we threatened our existence enough for this…man? She had NOT been told her place.

    “This IS our way, Dottie. Fabric or not, Herschel must return. Now SPIT!” The mixture dropped from their mouths and onto the hexagonal points which now formed the shape of the Red Seal nessacary for the ritual to begin proper.

    The skies screeched in-pain.

    “Blood given, ftaghu, for a life taken, ph’nglui. We offer ourselves to the unsilent skies above and prey you protect our keeper on his path to provide us with our earthly pleasures.”

    With that another extended “Moooooo,” Marabelle and the others watched as Herschal’s twisted form retook its natural shape; unbroken, remade; given new life from old blood.

    Herschal awoke and stared confused at his herd. They stared, silent, at the mud-soaked Somerset farmer.

  2. The Immortal’s Paella
    By MasaCur

    Ibrahim scurried about the kitchen, stirring the paella, and grabbing ingredients. His colorful suit was covered in an equally colorful, whimsical apron. Perched on his bald head was a chef’s cap.

    “Miguel, you are in for a treat today! Normally, you would be my underling. But today, it is my distinct pleasure to serve you, and prepare a meal. Specifically, I am making you paella, just like my abuela made for me.”

    Miguel raised an eyebrow. “Si, Master. Are you sure you still remember how to cook? I don’t remember you ever doing so before. And you have been alive for centuries now. Perhaps your brain has…deteriorated with age.”

    Ibrahim glared at Miguel, his eyes flaringred. “Look here, Miguel! Just because, as an immortal lich, I no longer need to engage in the banalities of eating, does not mean that I have forgotten how to cook. I am a genius, with a mind like a steel trap!”

    “Si,si. But, even steel can rust with age, Master.” A smirk crossed his lips as he said this. However, Miguel did have to admit, the smell coming from the kitchen was mouth-watering.

    Ibrahim tasted the paella. “It seems to be missing something.” His bony hands snatched jars from the spice cabinet, his spidery fingers threw in pinches of one powder after another. He tried it again, pondered the results, shrugged, and took the pan off the stove top. “Dinner is served!”

    Miguel looked at the plate filled with golden rice, shellfish, and vegetables that was set in front of him. He took a bite, and his sinus cavities were instantly assaulted by a pungency he had never encountered before. His mouth went instantly dry from an overindulgence of salt.

    “How is it, Miguel?” Ibrahim earnestly asked. “ I was worried that the paella is not correctly spiced. The paprika seems to be a little…off.”

    “Off?” Miguel coughed. “Paprika is all I can taste! Paprika and spice! You are an idiot!”

    “I am not!”

    “And I am a moron. Your stupid immortal lich tongue is so dead it can’t taste a thing!”

    1. This is honestly awesome, Mas! You capture comedy so expertly! I love the back and forth between these two, and it feels more like they are roommates instead of Master and Progeny. Their dynamic is just wholesome.

      I also really love the take on the prompt. If Miguel is stuck with Ibrahim as a master forever, then this truly is a taste of eternity for him. But also the thought of overly seasoned food is a second taste of eternity that I’m pretty sure Miguel wants nothing to do with.

      Another thing that I want to commend you on is for the culture. I love the Latin Spanish infusion it brings to their characters and the story. It’s rich and beautiful.

      Your stories are always a banger. I am super excited to see what you share next. Thank you very much for writing this one.

  3. Ethan Jesse Avatar
    Ethan Jesse

    The Coming World of Naught
    By Ethan Jesse

    “What is this dark sky? There was a Moon once before, I’m certain, for its rays are what I felt. With strength, we marched on, in this land of cool night, where we lived without worry of that thing. It was that Moon, that thing in the sky, which we built our world as it hung within our eyes. My friends, where have you gone? My dukes, and my knights, my builders, my cities, all of you, forsaken me…All that I see, a dark night above, was not ordained as I saw it, all that time ago. We rose there together, but it’s all blank now. Please, I beg of ye, don’t let this be so, what I’ve witnessed, what I’ve heard, was it all for naught?! He whispers in my ears of ages come and gone. Hearing, hearing, but he’s withheld it all from me! It’s nothing, nothing, not a damn word, yet still, I chase him, as if his eyes are of Moonlight…This is not our Moon, this is not what we found. It was stronger, it was perfect, we could rest, live unbound!”

    “You give me no answer, wrathful little one? Where’s your chaos, your pride, all that you’ve known? You break my world, it’s gone, don’t you see?! WE ESCAPED IT, AFTER TRIALS, AND WE KNEW WHAT CAME BEFORE! WHY HAVE YOU PUSHED US ON, WITH I AS YOUR PAWN?! WHERE IS YOUR REASON, YOUR AMBITION TO GO ON?! ALL OF IT IS NAUGHT, AND YOU’VE LEFT IT HERE WITH ME!”

    “THERE ARE SOME THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE. PRITHEE, WHAT NOW, IF IT’S ALL TOWARDS THE SAME? THEY PUSHED, WE WERE FREED, AND NOW I AM TO BLAME, FOR PUSHING ON IN A WORLD THAT ENDS IN ALL THIS! IT IS HERE, UPON MY NAME AS GENESIS-!”

    “…How I yearn for that sorrow…Have we come back around, to this world untold? I don’t know why it was cursed to be so…Still, I walk, I tread upon the Earth. Then let it carry on, let it spin, let it toil, and I will be here, until the coming of Void…”

    1. If I’ve read this correctly, then poetry is how you’ve managed to weave this tale. If I’m incorrect, then it’s still tells an interesting story.

      I enjoy the lamenting in this piece and how everything and everyone is so fragile. It gives a beautiful bittersweetness to life because of that fragility.

      It also seems as though this is the eternity of mankind, marching towards the inevitable void. Very somber but we’ll executed.

      Bravo, Ethan.

      Critiques:

      I will say that for the future, however, if you want to be right on stream, just be more mindful of spacing out the paragraphs a bit better so that it’s easier to read. As well as watch out for the commas.

      The story is great regardless. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this one. I can’t wait to see what’s next.

    2. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
      Matthew R. Wright

      I love how this prompt has inspired a lot of moon talk, and the use of the moon within strange and interesting rituals. Something about this prompt has brought out the cult side of a lot of writers, and you in particular have brought that within your story. I love the use of the moonlight within your story, how it isn’t trusted, and it is not THEIR moon. Creates a lot of questions, and that makes me want to read more. Well done!

  4. Severance, by Patrick Morgan

    Mortality is bitter. Bitter, brittle, and cheap. We sought the answer for years– my colleagues and I… but it seems the answer was before us all along. To understand you must set aside your assumptions and presuppositions, and peer for this brief moment, into the dark.

    Humans are creatures that straddle both the physical and spiritual realm, each of which has a limited effect on the other. Maintaining this balance wears on the body and soul, causing you to age– so one must simply choose either the physical or the spiritual. Knowing this, we rejected its use as the key to immortality, believing that the severage of the body from the spirit was too damaging– until William Davidson fell ill.

    He had a pernicious cancer and was in ceaseless pain, so we reluctantly made our attempt. He was restored, and happier than I’d ever seen him. He said it “felt natural”, and began to develop remarkable physical capabilities. But he changed. Over time, he became dark and impulsive, until he was something… other.

    Likewise, Thomas Moore developed a degenerative muscle disease and was soon asking to make the transition himself. Despite our refusal, he acted without our knowledge, shifting into the spiritual world. In this new realm, his knowledge deepened and expanded, and he soon learned to manipulate the souls of those who stood between the worlds. Soon, he began to change as well, becoming cold and calculating, directing the world from beyond the veil.

    So on a dark night, alone, I destroyed the machine, burned our research, and resolved myself to death. Until today. There is now another way. Another path towards slaying the great dragon, the scourge of the abyss. A way to conquer death once more. If I had just one more day, one more hour of research. One more chance to redeem myself. And once my research is complete, as I’m sure if you reads this it will be– I will have that chance. I will not bow to that darkness– I will never relent my goal. Until every soul is perfected, every man is molded into the image of my eye, I will do anything I require.

    1. I’ve been reading a lot of Lovecraft, and was insipred by the purple prose video they just put out enough to give it a shot- I think it was a little melodramatic, but I hope you enjoyed it.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This is very interesting. And although I didn’t at first get that you were trying to go for that Lovercrafting style, there is a sense of grandiose and discovery that certainly qualifies.

      The premise itself in very engaging, and the way it is conveyed really helps it shines. It starts more philosophical, posing questions; then, it states a theory and outright says it was found correct; not only that, but in that same breath, we discover that the ones researching it thought on the implications and chose not to put it to test… until they did; from then on, we get the slow decline, still narrated in a mix of philosophical musing and scientific report, filled with a sense of dread.

      This progression is a bit daring for such a short story, but it worked very well. I really loved it.

      The only thing I think I’d critique (and it is very minor, but I still think it is worth pointing out) is that the last bit feels like an abrupt departure in tone and progression. There is something great in that sudden change, since it illustrate very clearly that the narrate is getting more and more desperate, and in desperation, more driven. It has that very Lovercraftian trope of descending into madness all weaved in. But it still felt a little bit disconnected, so I get an impression that this particular progression would need either some changes in tone or argument, or a little bit more development (which, we know, it is not really possible due to the word limit) before it really lands.

      Still, a really great story, and a nice debut. Thanks for sharing, and keep on writing!

      1. Thanks! I wrote a bunch of different concept scenes but the prompt wasn’t clicking with my mental state so none of them really worked until I wrote this in an initially playful tone. Believe it or not, I made this a funny story originally. A nihilistic rambling of an ancient being, immortalized for killing his soul… but still funny, which I ended up shifting a fair bit in the edit phase.

        As for the conclusion, I don’t think I conveyed the desperation of all of these researchers to live at any cost very well, so it doesn’t quite have the context to make it work well- the intention was to imply that the narrator was on his death bed, but that his research could rise him from the dead if anyone ever chose to complete it.

        Thanks for the feedback, I loved your story!

  5. Charlotte Avatar
    Charlotte

    Flavours over time
    By C. L. Searle

    The older she got, the less sure she was about anything, and she had lived a long, long time. She remembered the first taste of immortality she got all that time ago. It’s been so long now she can’t even recall when it was, but she remembers the feeling of it.

    That feeling of eternity stretching out before her, endless in its length and its possibilities. She wanted to taste each and every one of those starburst glints of chance and circumstance. The sensation that she could just, reach out and bend the flow of the universe to achieve any outcome she wished, it was intoxicating; like the sweetest wines, the bitterest sadness and the spiciest fire all intertwined in an embrace that, at that time, felt as eternal as she is now.

    But the flavour has long since faded in the interim between the then and the now – however long that has been. She has seen stars fade and die, planets be born, gain life and fizzle out. She has seen the totality of all that could be and made those maybes into certainties.

    The flavour has long since left those starbursts she once saw and every new thing is no longer new, but instead another layer of ash upon her pallet.

    She supposes that a choice lies before her now, so similar yet so disparate from the one back then.

    Does she stay as she is, or does she offer that bittersweet addiction to another?

    1. This is a great, philosophical take on the prompt, Charlotte. I really love how the narrator has essentially become jaded by her eternity. Also, the passing of the question at the end of the story is really good. Very well written. Thank you for writing and sharing this.

      1. Charlotte Avatar
        Charlotte

        Thank you for the feedback Lunabear! I’m glad you liked it.

  6. VulpesRose Avatar
    VulpesRose

    When Epilogue Becomes Prologue
    by VulpesRose

    “I don’t understand, Master.” He could no longer sweep the floor. It felt too ordinary, too pedestrian after everything they had been through. He didn’t see how he could be expected to go back to the way things were before.

    “Understand what, my young apprentice?”

    He stared at his master, sitting in his chair, smoking his pipe, as though the last ten months hadn’t occurred at all. “How could you give up such power?”

    The master, as was his custom, did not answer immediately. He exhaled a ring of smoke and watched as it drifted toward the ceiling. When he did answer, he did so with a question.

    “Do you know what I felt when I held the orb?”

    “Powerful? Extraordinary? Immense?”

    “Lonely.”

    “Lonely?”

    “In that moment I existed in all places, throughout all of time, all at once. I was omnipotent and omnipresent. And I was overcome by loneliness. Because such power cannot have an equal, and so such an existence is doomed to be one of isolation.”

    “But with such power, what need have you of equals?”

    The master laughed. “You still have much to learn.”

    Later, in his room, the apprentice removed a small bundle from under the floorboards. Wrapped carefully inside was but a sliver of the Orb of Onirim, the beacon of magic that had directed so much of their lives over the past year. And now it was shattered, reduced to this.

    He carefully held the piece in his hand. His master had gotten a taste of the power of the orb, but now all that remained was an echo. There was no power here. But there could perhaps be again.

    As he held the shard, he felt a pull eastward, and he knew that another piece of the orb was there, just waiting to be reunited with his piece.

    Perhaps his master was correct. He might still have much to learn. But perhaps it was time for a different teacher.

    He packed his meager possessions, placing the fragment in a small satchel worn close to his heart, and was gone by morning.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This has all the trappings of a tragedy, in the classical sense. The protagonist embarks on a doomed quest, one that we know will end badly, because he can’t really see the signs (or he can’t ignore his urge).

      I wouldn’t expect to see a whole tragedy unfold in so few words, but having the master convey what he saw and then seeing the disciple wanting to reconstitute the artifact… seems like by deciding to go on that quest, he took his first step into loneliness. And he might not perceive it until the end.

      I really like how meditative this story feels, and how there is an aura of wisdom and patience to the master. The quirks in answering with a question, and only after pondering and savoring his pipe, paints a beautiful picture; and when he answer that the disciple has still a lot to learn, it seems like he just knows what is about to unfold, and also knows he wouldn’t be able to dissuade him from the quest.

      There are some follies that must be experienced, it seems. At least, in this case, in the case of the disciple.

      This was a pleasure to read. Thanks for sharing!

  7. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
    Matthew R. Wright

    When Eternity Produces Its Bitter Taste
    By Matthew R. Wright

    In small doses, TURTLE brought what most expected from LSD imitators: powerfully hallucinogenic, sensory, an out-of-body out-of-mind detacher. Bliss with a twist of flush and tremor. Turtle also brought the brain down to the power of single digits. 9%. 5%. 1%. When you Turtled, you tasted sweet eternity.

    Corrodes the brain, but what doesn’t? You’re going to rust, do it on your own terms.

    Frank knew that Sophie hated him being a user, an addict. He hated it too. The world was too bleak for Frank. To Turtle was his get out. Sophie didn’t know that Frank was an Outer, someone who planned to punch his ticket early. But he wanted to set Sophie free and on his own terms.

    To OD on Turtle was a risk. Brain slows to less than a single percentage. Heart accelerates, body overheats, dehydrates. You fully detach. Dead in minutes, perceived as days. No-one comes back from ’The Long Blink Out’.

    Frank had taken Sophie to her favourite resturant, talked the talk about rehab and recovery. Excused himself and necked two bottles of pure Turtle. He planned the kick for after he had returned, in the pleasant spirit of the evening. To end on a final frame of her smiling.

    Sure it was selfish. Frank wasn’t a good person.

    Hadn’t gone to plan though. Sophie was a smart girl. Evenings like this, when it came to Frank, were rare, signs of a change. She had predicted a break-up, and from a certain point of view she was right. Whilst excused, Sophie had started to cry, and when Frank had returned, Sophie was no longer smiling and had decided to be the one to leave. If Frank was going to throw his life away on Turtle, why fight? Show strength and be the separator, right?

    Frank stared at Sophie as she began her goodbye. The Turtle kicked in. What he saw in that final frame, as everything stopped, was of a young woman, tears streaming, lips quivering, looking away.

    That last taste of eternity, bitter.

    He couldn’t turn away.

    1. Matthew! It’s so great to see you and your stories here again!

      Holy crows! This is a HEAVY one. I truly feel awful for both Sophie and Frank. I wonder what happened to Frank for him to want to escape so badly. Although he says he’s not a good person, he doesn’t want Sophie to waste her life or time on him anymore.

      It’s painfully evident that Sophie loves Frank and it’s killing her to watch him kill himself.

      I genuinely love this. It’s incredibly realistic and sad and horrific. Frank’s last taste of eternity is one of the most bitter of them all. I do hope that the afterlife treats him better than this one.

      Very well written, and thank you for bringing a bit of your lovely darkness to the prompt this week. I’m excited to see what you share next.

      1. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
        Matthew R. Wright

        Thank you for the lovely comment Luna. It’s great to be here 🙂

  8. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
    Arith_Winterfell

    “The Crawling Nights”

    By: Arith_Winterfell

    Mardock feasted on the blood of the innocent girl. He savored its warmth in his mouth. She gasped her last breath and her body began to cool. Still, he lapped at her neck like a dog. He gorged himself till he was sucking on a dry artery, then cast the corpse aside.

    The night wore on, lonely moments ticked by in the cool night air. Mardock returned to stalking the halls of the abandoned manor house. The site of the cult’s failure. Now his lair.

    “If only those faithless dogs had stayed the course the ritual would not have failed,” Mardock muttered to himself in the decrepit halls. “They will all pay for their faithlessness.”

    He had already killed one of the deserters who turned on the cult after the ritual’s failure. He had left the body for the man’s son to find. Now that son was hunting him, and that had forced him to withdraw from the city of Valen and back to his lair in the outskirt mountains near the Mist’s edge. The undead who wandered the Mists ignored him, due to his already undead state. The ritual’s failure had changed him, left him ravenous.

    The manor’s former decadence now lay covered in webs and rot. Many of his fellow cult members were now dead or traitors. He alone kept the faith in the promise of power. He needed servants, he needed more cultists. What he had was the march of time.

    The slow hunger of the crawling nights, the decades after decades of time. A ceaseless repetition of unending hunger. The promise of eternal life. All that was left to fill it was plotting, and vengeance. He would come to them in the night, for vengeance is a dish best served cold.

    1. Ooh. This is a really interesting one. The time frame is a little weird, but I guess he used to be powerful and wealthy… and now he’s basically haunting his old mansion where the cult was?

      I like the idea that his enemies may actually forget about him. … as a plot point. It’ll suck hardcore for them when he finally decides to drop in again. … Unless it takes so long and he loses track of the decades and they’re all dead by then. Then it would be hilarious.

      Or maybe Simon Belmont will kick in his door while he’s puttering around and put a cross shaped boomerang through his head.

    2. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      So is the protagonist a vampire of sorts, that leads a vampire cult and wants to drink the blood of the innocent to gain eternal life? Is that the “taste of eternity” in this story? It fits the prompt well, with the blood serving as an elixir of immortality. It makes sense.

      Good job!

    3. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
      Matthew R. Wright

      A vampire story? Would never had thought to use that in the prompt at all. Makes sense that eternal life and the taste of human blood could combine together into the theme of ‘taste of eternity’. Very detailed with the actions, tells you a lot about the characters through HOW they act and not just WHAT they do, “casting the corpse aside” being my favourite example. Tells you so much about their attitude towards what they consider important. Super interesting tale of vengeance and of the lore of the vampire. Great job!

    4. I really like how you mixed fantasy into this. Demons, right? Make it as dark as possible so they’re not just horned weirdos. I like that.

      I wrote something inspired by Dorian Gray, here. Can’t post it, because I edited it and **** of the algorithm won’t let me post it again. Spam. Since I wrote this, I hope at least one person will read it…

    5. Days of Mourning, Days of Life.
      By Arstar

      The young man clenched his hands, his eyelids burning, like the others who came to mourn his mother. A tear ran down his chin to the floor, where his eyes caught.

      Unlike the others, the young man had his head between his shoulders, hiding an expression that he knew was strange. He felt anger, but his face was red with ecstasy. The phenomenon must have a name.

      Eternity, said the tear.

      From then on, the young man felt happiness while his family sank into panic. The young man was well, but he wished he could experience Eternity. Once again.

      For the next week, he attended the funerals of strangers. The first time, gave his umbrella to the weeping wife in the rain. The second time, he did not bother to stay for consolation. He stayed where no one could see a growing smile. There were many funerals that month.

      Ah. But nothing was like the first time, said the cry of the rain.

      Months passed, and the young man no longer saw sadness in death. He had misty eyes, said his living mother, but gentle. Now they were only fog, said the living father, and indifference. The fog deepened.

      Indifference was born in the morning when he kissed his girlfriend. His lips had no taste. It died in the afternoon when the young man attended another funeral. The most fleeting Eternity was invisible and virginal.

      But it was not enough, his abundant tears said.

      That same night, he met his father’s grim face. He was huddled in a corner, glaring at the young man as if he were evil. The young man smiled at him good-naturedly, and he turned red.

      At midnight, the young man staggered back to his room. He dragged himself to rest his arms on the wall and put his head between his arms.

      Just once more, he said, the blood dripping from his mouth.

      The crows gathered at the funeral. The young man groped his face for a smile, then looked for tears. He gazed dryly at his father’s grave.

      The Eternity expired.

  9. The Wandering

    By Galer

    “So how is immortality like Cialy ?” Olia asked the owner of the clock shop her normal hand shifted into a liquid, getting inside the clock’s innards to fix it ” I am just curious some people have different opinions about it, especially from a god”

    “To be frank? it’s exciting and mind-numbing, ” Cialy said while doing paperwork” ask any other god and they will say a variant of what I said”

    “Hu, I thought you would say something philosophical or be bored with it ” Olia replied finishing with the clock.

    “Oh honey, most of us don’t try to ponder about it and we enter sleep went we get bored of an era” Cialy replied “although I think this merits something more personal, please let touch your mind”

    “That sounds so wrong on so many levels, if you weren’t a goddess of dreams” replied the nymph “but why not? I don’t lose anything if I don’t try it”

    “Don’t be smarmy with me” Cialy deadpanned ” now let’s do this”
    In that instant went Cialy snapped her fingers everything went black for Olia

    However, the only thing she could feel beneath her walking feet were dirt, stone, sand, and finally grass.

    She was a pilgrim not staying in one place for too long,

    She saw many of her friends die from old age even their great-grandsons.

    She made families out of love enough to make entire dynasties.

    She witnessed the best and the worse of mankind

    All the while she wandered endlessly across the world.

    She then woke up from the memories.

    “By Poseidon,” Olia said, “what’s that all your life?”

    “Yeah, it is,” Cialy said casually” How do you feel?”

    “Happy, odd, and sad? Ugg, this is a trainwreck,” Olia said a bit confused” how do you manage all of that hectic crap?”

    “Is like a rollercoaster,” Cialy replied giving her a warm smile ” you laugh, cry and move on,”

    For Olia, it was a surprisingly simple answer.

    The nymph could only chuckle at the mundanity of it.

    Guest, that for gods immortality really was that banal Hu?

    1. This is really nice. I like the idea of gods falling asleep whenever they are bored of an era, especially because that implies they are then asleep for an entire era, which seems somehow fitting. I am a little confused as to who is a god and who isn’t here. I want to say they both are but the implication of Cialy having had a mortal life as well as the quote “So how is immortality like Cialy” makes me think maybe not? Even with that though, it’s still a very fun story. Nice work!

      1. Cialy is the godes and Olie is a Nymph gods are in fact cultural gestalds thanks to a virus or ritual that uses a human as a host thought that how O.G fiction gods work Cialy here is just your comon dream goddes.

  10. Realization (Chronicles of The Dragon)
    By Makokam

    Vlad woke up, blinked, then sat up and looked around their room. A single blade of pale orange light cut through the gloom. He got up and carefully closed the heavy blinds to avoid any accidents, before dressing and starting his…day.

    On his way to the main hall of his castle, he encountered one of his servants. “Oh!” he startled, bringing a hand to his heart. “I am sorry my Lord. We were not expecting you so…early.” He looked around, wringing his hands. “Should I have them prepare…a meal?”

    Vlad paused, grimacing. After a moment he said, “No. I will do without for now. If I’m needed, I will be in my study.”

    “As you wish.” he said with a trembling bow. “You received some letters today. I will have them delivered to your study.”

    Not much later, there was a knock at his study door.

    “Come in.” The servant opened the door haltingly, and when they came in, Vlad’s eyes widened at the armful of paper. “What is all that?”

    “T-today’s correspondence, my Lord,” they stuttered.

    “This all arrived today?” he said, standing up and walking over to take it from them. “Was there some delay?”

    “No, Sir. They are all dated within the last week.”

    He started reading through them, and quickly discovered most of them were about the ten-year-anniversary of their victory in the war, and what celebrations would be planned. He turned to gaze out the window. “Has it really been a decade already?”

    “It has, my love,” Imogene said, slipping in, still wearing her nightgown.

    His jaw clenched.

    She glided over and sat in his lap, reaching an arm up over his shoulders before nuzzling into his chest. “Just a small taste of our eternity together.”

    He clenched the arms of his chair.

    1. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      An interesting exploration of Vlad and Imogene again. As you mentioned in our earlier chat, I can see that Vlad is now a vampire due to his carefulness with the blinds and his decision to avoid having “a meal.” Which is good world building. Now he grapples with the realization that ten years have passed since his victory and he marvels at the time shift. But it seems now that Imogene no longer pleases him as he clenches his jaw, and later the arms of the chair. So he is showing what I take to be ambivalence toward his vampiric state.

      I’m sure if word limit wasn’t such a limiter we would see even more interesting and nuanced exploration of what is going on, but the limited slice of time we do experience with this story gives us a window into Vlad’s changing views and struggles with immortality. On the whole a good piece!

    2. I swear this was cuter in the first draft. This version, I can actually feel the rot creeping in with Vlad’s attitude towards Imogene.

      What’s not shown here is how the rot began and I am fascinated by how that happened over ten years. Love allowed to rot is a curiosity of mine. There’s so many questions.

      Who neglected whom? Who refused to at least try and adjust their annoying little habits? Who refused to do the dishes? Who snored and denied it? That sort of thing.

    3. Okay! As someone who read the first draft, this one absolutely gets across what you said you wanted from it. From that first hesitation in the first paragraph, you get the hints that Vlad isn’t happy with his life and I love how that continues throughout the piece.

      The fear of the servants comes across really well and I do think it’s more clear that Vlad is a vampire before immortality is directly brought up. I think him grimacing at the idea of a meal was excellently executed.

      And Imogene showing up at the end is just icing on the misery cake. Not everyone is suited for immortality and it’s clear that Vlad is one of those people. Or at the very least he is at this point in time.

      Awesome take on the prompt!

    4. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      This one feels bittersweet. Seeing time pass and seeing that likely everything isn’t quite ok. Overall, great piece.

    5. So, it would seem that vampiric immortality is not to Vlad’s liking. There’s some really great subtle writing here, Mako. I really love that you don’t stay out right what he is, but instead, allow Vlad’s behavior and the reaction of the servants to tell the story instead.

      You also have some very lovely descriptions and really allow the reader to become immersed inside of Vlad’s head. I can feel his apprehension, his trepidation, his skittishness. And at the end, it seemed almost like angered regret. Especially because a decade has already passed without him even noticing.

      I also like the double play on the title. It’s not only for Vlad to realize that 10 years have gone by, but it’s also for the audience to figure out that oh, he’s a vampire. Although, some may have figured out a bit faster than others because of having read what happened before and knowing that Imogene herself is a vampire.

      Critique:

      “Come in.” The servant opened the door haltingly, and when they came in, Vlad’s eyes widened at the armful of paper. “What is all that(?)”

      This is a really great story. I love the dark world building as well as the small nuances in his behavior. I also appreciate the fact that Imogene doesn’t seem to mind. She seems quite content. I am excited to see where this storyline goes. Can’t wait to read more. Thank you very much for writing and sharing this one.

  11. What happens? (Reality Itself) (Canon of last three weeks)

    By: Iskritt

    Life could never have predicted they would be the one to approach Time, but they had a question that demanded an answer, and who better to ask than the all seeing eye of Time?

    Time was a loner, and spent most of their existence away from the rest of the gods, but Time’s undeniable wisdom forced the gods to listen whenever they decided to intervene.

    Approaching Time’s domain, Life took a deep breath to calm down.

    “Hello?” Life entered Time’s domain cautiously. “Are you here? I need to ask you something.”

    Time’s domain was chaos, flashing images of everything imaginable surrounding Life as soon as they walked in. Eventually, they spotted Time. They were peering deeply into something at the far end of the domain.

    “Hi.” Life said. “I’m sorry to bother you, but I figured you could help me.”

    Time turned and faced Life, revealing an image. It was one of Life and Time together, but the Life in the image looked scared.

    “You wish to know the future of the gods ”

    It was not a question. Life should have predicted that knowing everything included everyone’s intentions.

    Life nodded. “I need to see us change. I need to see us evolve alongside our creations. I need to see my work mean something.”

    “Are you sure you want this?” Time asked. There was something unnerving in Time’s voice as they spoke. “You will hold doubts if I simply tell you, so I must show you.”

    Life didn’t hesitate. “Yes. I need to know.”

    Time took hold of Life’s hand.

    Life’s vision clouded as eternity passed by in a second. It was painful. Emotions breezed through their mind before they could comprehend them. Life saw themself as they were, and as they were going to be.

    Life broke free of Time’s grasp and stared, trying to gather their consciousness back to the present.

    “I hope that was enough to get what you wanted.” Time said.

    Life turned and ran away. They had got what they wanted, but they had also gotten so much more.

    1. Matthew H Avatar
      Matthew H

      The lack of a description for the look of the gods, aside from the face of time being the future, really adds to their sense of size and wonder. They are incomprehensible to the mind, and are described as such. It leaves me wanting more, as I wish to know what horrors life saw. It is clear the future of this world is rocky, I want to see this unfold.

  12. Mysten Noire Avatar
    Mysten Noire

    Her Questions and Human Answers
    by Mysten Noire Silver

    What is a god or goddess? Humans see them as a type of idealistic improbability. Vast powers, vast lives, vast capabilities, vast divinity.

    She twirled a strand of herself, pondering about the title given by the Almighty to her.

    The phrase “mortal goddess” seems to contradict itself.

    She looked at the world around her and the many dots of life. All of which seemed to both disregard her existence and desperately pour their thoughts into her ears as murmurs and mumbles of desires.

    A mortal is one that is weak and helpless, living a short life, desperately struggling to survive that bit longer.

    She looked at herself, faintly glowing with the power of faith inside. It was something given by every dot of life in this world, all because she existed. All because she stood and existed in front of the Almighty.

    A goddess is one that should be strong and kind, living an eternal life, gracefully granting amnesty and power to the faithful ones.

    She saw herself slit open, a sliver slid down until it became a part of the world instead of herself. It brought her pain, yet it seemed like it couldn’t compare to the many pains she hears every moment of her existence.

    And yet, the mortal goddess belongs not to the Creation.

    She lifted herself up as high as she could and let another part of her drop down and cease becoming part of her. She felt a door and destination that everything feared and avoided from behind her self.

    She is a disciple of the Destruction.

    As she lived a mortal’s life, she slowly found what eternity awaited her.

    To recollect the taste of eternal damnation piece by piece, fragment by fragment, and soul by soul.

    To experience mortal life and death, unable to touch the powers given to her by the Almighty.

    She does ask, every now and again.

    Why did she exist?

    Why she can hear their voices.

    Why did she have to hold this burden?

    … And why she is the mortal goddess.

    … And why was she the mortal goddess?

    1. Matthew H Avatar
      Matthew H

      I am quite fond of the abstract depiction of gods as beings beyond a form of physicality, and this does that wonderfully. The imagery of her endlessly giving herself to the world really stretches the mind. I want to know more

  13. Strong Berry Avatar
    Strong Berry

    Hell of a Friday
    By Strong Berry

    “I want to go to Hell!” Roland announced. I had to pause for a moment to process this. “Pardon?”

    “I want to go to Hell.” He said, with the same tone of someone saying they want to try a new pair of shoes. “Roland, buddy…” I said in my most calm tone. “Do you realize what you’re asking? Where are you asking to go? This is Hell. HELL. H-E-Double-hockey-sticks. Not a nice place. Trust me, I know.”

    “Yes. I want to go to there. You’re a demon, right? Can you take me there?” I examined his stupid, round face. It would almost be a shame to kill such an amazingly dumb thing. Oh well. I’ll just meet him back at home. “Well, alright. If that’s what you want… Just get me a gun or a knife or I could just strangle you…”

    “Oh wait wait! Not like that!” He backed away quickly. “I just want to know what Hell is like, you know, have a taste of the experience.” I let out a chuckle. A taste… What is this, an all you can suffer buffet? “Fine then. As you wish.” I got close to him. “Thing is… in this form my power is limited. I can’t actually take you to Hell. What I can do, however, is put you in a nightmare that will feel like Hell for a few minutes. Does that sound good enough for you?” I put on a smile. This will be fun.

    He began to back away, finally understanding just what he asked for. “Uhm… You know what-”

    “Too late!” He collapsed as soon as I touched his forehead. It’s a shame I couldn’t see his dream, but I made sure that though it would last for only five minutes, it would feel like an eternity.

    When he woke up, he screamed “NO PLEASE I’M NOT FOR SALE!” Now I was curious. “What did you see?”

    Shaking like a leaf, he said “I… I… was… working at the mall…”

    “That’s it? What a disappointment!”

    “…during Black Friday…” He continued. “Oh god… The customers… THE CUSTOMERS!”

    1. Matthew H Avatar
      Matthew H

      The comedic nature of being banished to an eternal Black Friday, I’ve never heard anything like it. This is much better than the demons I have been reading about recently. A wonderful job you have done here.

      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you very much!

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Just working for an Eternity is punishment enough, but in a mall? And during Black Friday? As Sartre once said, Hell is other people. But even more correctly, as you put it, Hell is other customers!

      This was a very fun read, and it reminds me how a moment can stretch into infinity when we are bored or annoyed with something (which is how I usually feel when doing anything work-related, so I can really empathize with Roland here).

      Really nice tale, and really good timing on the comedy.

      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you for the kind words! That feeling of a moment stretching into infinity is what I was going for with this prompt, I’m glad it got across!

    3. …Imagine trying to stay polite. *Shudder* You did a great job- most terrifying future I can imagine. Also loving the tone here- its a perfect mix of condescending and playful.

  14. MostlyMarco Avatar
    MostlyMarco

    Pain
    by MostlyMarco

    Malay panted heavily, tightening her grip on her sword as she watched her enemy closely. Seeing an opening, she feinted left before quickly swinging her blade to the right. Her opponent spun around, effortlessly dodging her attack. With a flick of his wrist, his sword flew past her defenses and cut deep into her wrist. Malay screamed in agony, feeling the blade slice through sinew and bone. She fell to her knees, her left hand clutching the mangled remains of her arm. She could faintly hear a voice above her calling out.

    “A good feint, but a bit predictable–”

    Malay glared daggers at him, cutting him off before he could finish his sentence. With a painful grunt, she slowly rose back to her feet. Malay could already feel her bones rearranging, muscles writhing and flexing as her hand regenerated. She continued giving her sparring partner a murderous glare, who at least had the decency to appear ashamed.

    “Was the pain that bad?” he asked.

    “Of course!” she spat out, “you cut off my bloody hand!”

    “Sorry?” Solomon responded, along with a little shrug. “I’ve kinda forgotten how it feels.”

    Malay shook her head and scoffed at his response. “What do you mean you’ve forgotten how it feels?”

    Solomon simply held out his left hand and before Malay could react, chopped it clean off. Malang instinctively flinched in response. She stepped backwards, feeling squeamish from the gory sight. Solomon, for his part, didn’t even blink. He gave a nonchalant look at his left hand before it quickly began its regeneration.

    “You get used to it,” he stated. “If anything, you should enjoy the pain while you still can. Everything erodes over time. Being an immortal means your feelings of happiness and suffering eventually fade away. Before you eventually turn into a hollow, unfeeling shell, it’s important you live properly, feeling the highs and lows of life.”

    Malay stood stunned for a bit, attempting to digest it all. She couldn’t imagine a world without her senses and couldn’t begin to envision a future where she would miss pain.

    1. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This was a nice take on the theme of immortality. I like how being immortal seems to come with the price of leading an unfulfilling, boring life, numb to all emotions, good or bad. It puts forth the question: Is it worth it to live forever if you’re not actually living?

      Good job!

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Oh, I really like how there is a bit of an experimentalist thing with the whole “it’s been so long I don’t really have a good grasp on the scale of pain” thing…

      Choosing to make us follow the story through the eyes of Malay makes wonders in putting the theme of the story in the forefront. She is getting used to her new condition, and a bit stupefied at its costs and how difficult it is to envision what it will be. The way of thinking and feeling of an immortal might be quite alien, and that’s the route she is currently in. But not there yet.

      I particularly liked the contrast in how Solomon at least appeared ashamed, even though afterwards he says it is not just pain, bot any feelings that seems to dull. Does he knows how to emulate shame and perceived that was the right time, or is he really feeling it (which puts a lot of what he says in a new light)? And, if he is not feeling, but knows it would be better to pretend, why does he seems to be more careful with the memory of shame than of pain (at least to me, it seems like it would be easier for him to emulate shame than pain, which implies he might have more training or care in doing so, which implies that even if he is unfeeling, he still cares a lot about how he is perceived by others).

      Once again, a lot that we are left musing but without knowing since we follow it through Malay’s eyes. Great choice.

      Really interesting discussion on the effects of immortality in dulling the senses and feelings – and a really evocative scene to paint the discussion with. Great story.

      1. MostlyMarco Avatar
        MostlyMarco

        Apologies for the late reply, I’ve been busy lately. Thanks for reading my story and taking the time to reply. I’m glad you were able to break down my story and pick up some nuances.

        Solomon still remembers the concept emotions and how they felt, but isn’t able to properly feel them anymore. I like to compare this to how it is hard for somebody to remember how happiness feels when they are sad, and vice versa. You remember how you felt at that moment, but can’t exactly replicate it. So I guess I would go back and change my writing to show that Solomon remembers that pain did not feel good, but has lived so long that he really can’t feel it, and has *almost* forgotten the feeling entirely.

        As a mentor to the newly immortal Malay, he wanted to make a good impression and get along with her, hence having the decency to look ashamed.

  15. WriterOfThought Avatar
    WriterOfThought

    Down, Down, Down
    WriterOfThought

    What’s next on the agenda, Offern?

    “It’s time for a random inspection of the dungeon,” Jarner said. “Make sure everything is working as intended.”

    Naturally. They do keep it in prime condition for you, Your Majesty.

    “I certainly hope they keep it, and not just because I built it, ” Jarner said. “If any of those seals wavered, who knows what untold horrors would be unleashed upon my kingdom.”

    Absolutely. Can’t let any of those demons get to the surface. Think of what would happen to your innocent citizens.

    “I don’t want to think about that,” he said in a rush as he descended the stairs.

    Of course. You have a job to do, Prodigy.

    “Exactly,” he said, unsealing the glyph and resealing it behind him.

    These are some masterful spells you created, Prodigy. Only you could have made them alone and so easily.

    “It didn’t seem so easy at the time.” Jarner turned the corner and passed through the second seal, feeling some of his power drain. It still worked. Good.

    It is rather impressive how you still can access your magic even past your barriers. After all, the average person wouldn’t be able to even light a spark.

    “Well of course I can,” the king rebutted. “It’s my own spell.” One more turn and he would be staring straight at the portal that opened during that wretched war.

    I thought you didn’t want to think about that? Did we change our mind? We should think of other things.

    “No,” Jarner said with force. “I’m fine.” His voice wavered slightly. There was no avoiding it, anyway. His brother was dead and nothing could change that.

    What’s that coming out of the portal?

    “What in the-” Jarner reacted. A ball of molten heat began to grow in his palms, ready to strike. Yet what met his flame was naught but a child frail, frightened, and alone.

    To think, they would send their own children to strike you down, like they did with your brother.

    “Despicable,” Jarner said.

    Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Which eternity will you choose, King?

    1. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      So the kind isn’t experiencing of ‘tasting’ eternity, but rather is forced to choose between two terrible possibilities. A tough choice, to say the least.

      Some criticisms: The story is quite unclear. You have the main character calling the king different names “Offern”, “Jarner”, “Prodigy”(Not sure is that’s a name of an adjective). I would stick to one, maybe two names to make the story more clear.

      Other than that, the story is well written.

      Good job!

    2. hmmmm first of all, i would praise you for non quotation mark writing technique, It is an exciting way to create a distinct story from the rest. There are some things that I want to say/ask:

      1. The characters of non quotation mark dialogue is awesome. There is the one that use Offern seems to see he/she to be above Jarner. there is the one that use Prodigy seems to be a handshaker in nature. Sadly it wasn’t explored a little further. Perhaps this plot is too great for flash fiction.

      2. The prompt’s concept in this story seems to be too subtle. I get it that Jarner and the non quotation mark dialogue characters were approached with a dilemma to kill or to not kill the child. If he kills the child, he will be remembered “eternally” for his crimes against humanity (which honestly can be contained since he is a king and maybe there is something he can do about the spread of information). If he doesn’t, he will be the victim of the child just like his brother, which he will also be remembered “eternally” for being a victim to a child (even though he is a king). Sadly… this is too subtle to a point that only few can see the prompt element in your story.

      3. The pacing of the story is too slow because it’s too much concern with the character’s conversation and doesn’t explore the prompt’s concept or any story component (plot, world building, setting, etc) that help to explore the prompt’s concept in an meaningful way, or maybe the plot is too grand for flash fiction.

      Even with all the critiques above, I enjoy your story. I can see that you have the skill to at least write a competent story. Also, once again, I love how you cooperate non quotation mark dialogue, which a literary device that I really like. Keep it up!

  16. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    [DM me on discord for details!]

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      Once again you have blown it out of the water with your insight for faith. It’s very refreshing, in today’s protestant climate, that at least some are more concerned about souls than about cashflow.

      Knowing your connection with faith, would it be safe to say that some of these actions are biblical allegories, such as with the adulterous woman? Or is it more literary, such as in Les Mis with the Bishop and Valjean?

      Either way, applause all around.

    2. ✋😌👌 Now that’s a meaningful conversation. A disagreement as well as an informative perspective.

      There’s not a lot of stories of a religious figure following the more positive verses of the bible. Nor are there a lot of mentionings of any other part of the bible aside from the more well known stories, like Adam and Eve. Though each verse and chapter mentioned are simililar they pose the importance of allowing sinners to repent, for the fatigued to be nurtured, and that the religious figure that represent the religion have no excuses not to care for others outside their circle.

      👌 Nice.

    3. Okay, I frickin love this Priest. He is ideally everything I would want from someone with a congregation. I absolutely adore how many times in his argument, he used scripture and what his job should be to prove his point. It’s so gloriously simplistic.

      My favorite bit was the sarcastic reminder that they’re given authority to cast out demons(lol though I suppose they could have made the argument that Savion IS a demon and he DIDN’T cast him out). It just made me want to cheer.

      Having someone believe so much in their faith that they’re willing to give someone with Savion’s reputation a chance at redemption because he cares more about his soul than the job is pure chef’s kiss.

      And then you bring the prompt into it with the ending and it all ties up so perfectly. I love the idea that he’s doing what he can to bring Heaven to the living world to give Savion a taste of it. That’s such a beautiful take on it all.

      Great story!

    4. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Your stories always bring something interesting in pacing, setting and dramatic weight. I don’t remember seeing any two tales from you that were supposed to be immediate sequels before, so that gives me another layer of interest in the story.

      I really like the two discussions happening here, and I like how they paint the character of Father Aelric. Specially in the confrontation between priest, something in there reminded me of a somewhat common trope when using two priests, that is confronting matters of faith and matters of clerical custom, and there is a reason it is such a prevalent trope. It works a lot in putting in question what’s the right thing to do in the eyes of the church and in the eyes of God, and if those two things are in agreement… while, ultimately, turning the lights to how each priest lives his faith.

      And the last conversation with Savion makes the whole thing about how Aelric sees his own faith (and also, the mission he is on at the moment) in a very complete and complex light.

      That being said, I am not sure if I understood the inclusion of Matthew 11:28 at that point in the conversation, unless Aelric was already counting on the next few jabs. Interesting choice, even if I don’t completely understand why.

      There is another thing I’m a bit lost – that is not a critique for this particular story, but a doubt that has been growing on me about this universe. Some of your stories give me the impression that the more fantastical elements of this world are only know for those in-the-know, but there are some instances in which the commonality of them and their knowledge seem to be way more widespread. This one, in particular, seems to hang in the edge of these two impressions. I never had a problem with any one of them in particular, but sometimes I find it a bit difficult to conceive all of them happening in the same universe – though I’d have to read more of this and one after the other to really see if that impression lingers.

      Anyway, that was a very interesting story, and incredibly well-told.

  17. A Metaphor for a Philosophical Discussion
    by Weiss

    “It’s really good, this ‘Eternity’ of yours” he finally uttered, smacking his lips in a usual manner, savouring the concept of endlessness.

    He held his glass high, looking through it at the incandescent lightbulb, silently hanging from the ceiling on a lonely electrical wire.

    “No, seriously. Such an intricate flavour”

    I turned away from the counter, placing a huge metal dish onto a rough walnut table top.

    “There you go – leftover sandwiches. I took the liberty to sprinkle them with some common sense”

    “Be careful with that. Don’t overdo with rationality – or they’ll taste bland”

    “Why not? It’s a great food for thought. And no artificial flavourings”

    “Sometimes your cooking is a little bit hard to swallow” he seemed unruffled by my retorts.

    “And it all started with cinnamon rolls…” I sighed in disbelief. “How did we end up opening that bottle?”

    “What’s past is past. Let’s focus on the current events. For example – what’s your opinion?” he reached out and handed me my glass, all before that standing, untouched, on the other end of the table.

    I hastily swigged a mouthful. Never understood those show-offs with swirling the wine glass before tasting it’s contents.

    “It’s got lovely fragrance. Strictly refined meaning, with a little bit of abstraction, and a slight hint of absurd”

    “You are learning” he sounded pleased. Maybe with the drink, maybe with himself. Only the Devil knows.

    “So we both agree that Eternity is awesome?” followed my question.

    “It used to be a novelty back in my days. I always dreamt of trying it once” he started swinging back and forth, and the chair under him squeaked “But now that I have, it palls with each sip”

    “Those are attracted to it, who never got the chance to experience it yet”

    The time went on slowly, tracked only by the regular ticking of the clock on the wall. Till late at night it continued, until there’s nothing left to drink – just an empty vessel of a tinted glass, and a faint memory of the aftertaste.

    1. I really like this. A bar/restaurant that serves not only eternity but a whole host of other conceptual things, like common sense and rationality. I also really like the statement of eternity growing blander with each sip. It makes me think of the common “If you could have any super power, what would it be?” question, and ho people always say to never take Immortality.

      I also love the insinuation that this place that serves eternity is also just a normal place that also sells cinnamon rolls. Its a small thing that just seems really funny to me. Good work!

  18. Lee Trask Avatar
    Lee Trask

    Everlong
    By Kotold
    (note: newbie here so I drafted this before I reread the rule prohibiting poetry. Apologies! I’ll be more mindful of the rules going forward. Feel free to dismiss this post.)

    Widow marked by a red hourglass, such bliss!
    In silk glistening twist, wiggle, and squirm
    Ever I wait for your eternal kiss.

    My first glance beholds such a rare princess;
    Mesmerized in moonlight intentions firm.
    Widow marked by a red hourglass, such bliss!

    Too forward my advance she will dismiss;
    we dance about, quiver, twitch like a worm
    Ever I wait for your eternal kiss.

    Nothing ever existed before this
    legs wrap me in gentle embrace confirm.
    Widow marked by a red hourglass, such bliss!

    Indulge another taste we reminisce:
    a thirst, carnivorous, one flesh long-term.
    Ever I wait for your eternal kiss.

    Vibrations tell a moment of crisis:
    spun my fate. patron, partner, prey affirm.
    Widow marked by a red hourglass, such bliss!
    Ever I wait for your eternal kiss.

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      I total understand the confusion lol. Might I recommend saving this for Sunday when the poetry read occurs?

      1. Lee Trask Avatar
        Lee Trask

        Poetry read huh? Haven’t heard of such things (until now).

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Well, as you already know, this piece will probably be disqualified for being among the possible reads of the weekly stream… but I’m very glad you shared it.

      I don’t feel I’m, qualified enough to gave a meaningful comment on the quality of poetry, but I loved it. I really like the subject matter and the way it embraces the prompt – yup, that’s the one moment: the final one, the one the narrator prepared for, the meaningful one. It carries all the importance of an entire life, it carries the weight of the existence of the species itself. And it is very definite. A single moment, where all meaning for the small narrator collapses and then ends. And it is told in such a passionate way. This was quite charming and though-provoking.

      And, as it is probably evident, I have a soft spot for the subject matter. What a bliss indeed. Thanks for sharing!

      1. Lee Trask Avatar
        Lee Trask

        Thank you for your generous words and insight. I’m okay with disqualification but wanted to share regardless. It’s the first poem I’ve written in probably 25 or so years (meaning I too can’t comment on it’s quality — I’m sure I’m ignorant to the finer points of poem construction). I just really enjoyed the prompt and, from what I’ve seen so far, am really enjoying this group. Thanks again.

        1. Just a question– Lee Trask, is that an allusion to East of Eden?

          1. Lee Trask Avatar
            Lee Trask

            Lol no. Hadn’t considered that before. But, no, that’s really my name.

  19. What Now?

    By Joe

    I’m in space right now. No ship, no suit, no home planet because the sun finally exploded, absolutely nothing. There was that protein bar a while ago but I ate it and shot a new satellite into space out the emergency airlock. Now I’m left with nothing but me, myself, and I and the immortality I got.

    Neat thing about it is I don’t have to worry about feeling cold in space or the searing pain of a star while still alive. I know this because I was pulled into a sun and remained there until I was sent out by a solar flare. But my time in there, despite the harrowing boredom, was interesting. The whole time I was blinded and my body was in complete sensory deprivation, and I had forgotten what everything looked like outside the star for a while.

    Then there was another time I was caught in the orbit of a planet I eventually landed on. It was lifeless, and covered in blue sand for some reason. The whole time there was nothing to do, but to move and think or not move and think. I remembered being blinded in the star that I had forgotten what everything looked like, but it turns out I could do that without a blinding light or closing my eyes. Have you ever been in rumination for so long that your own eyes become useless?

    It was cool for a while this immortality, but the candyfloss of its endless possibilities are running low for as long as there’s nothing to do with it, but be a conscious mass that may never use its body again. Will my body eventually evolve to fit its new means of existence? Wouldn’t it be hilarious to be a the universe’s most knowledgeable vegetable?

    I’m hoping that I eventually intercept another intelligent species like mine was, maybe even better. I’m bored of mulling the same things over and over. It would be nice to collect new information, no matter how primitive or advanced.

    Until then, I’ll just drift away, inside and out.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That last line has way more weight than it has any right to be.

      This is really curious. The narration fits really well the bored acceptance that the entity who achieve immortality feels. Nothing to do but think – the very concept is dreadful (and I also believe it was the whole concept of illumination to Plato – and now I think it is even more despairing).

      I got a little bit confused about how the whole idea of not having a body anymore fits with what is first presented, with the candy bar. I believe you are stretching time narratively here. Since nothing really happens, the candy bar situation might have happened quite a while ago, and even then, it is still just a while ago. But then I have to wonder what those companies put in candy bars that they are able to outlast the explosion of the sun.

      The more I think of it, the more the existential dread fits in! Which is, in its own sense, delightful.

      Great story. Now I’ll let my digital presence gravitates towards that like button.

      1. It’s never said that the entity doesn’t have a body, just the possibility of being conscious inside a body they may never use again.

        And the candy bar was a shameless set up for a poop joke.💩

    2. Skye Doust Avatar
      Skye Doust

      Listless and melancholic. There is a strong sense of devil-may-care attitude you’ve got going here too. It really isn’t a subject much contemplated, the ages one might spend alone and bored if one did manage to live forever. I have an idea of what I might do to help, but how long would that last?
      How long can a being be expected to keep itself occupied before going insane?

      A very thought provoking work, well done.

    3. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
      Matthew R. Wright

      The story of the last human, floating through space alone. What an utterly depressing but captivating tale. Immortality has its price. I’ve had this story as a dream and it is horrifying. This is fantastically written and brought back the feeling of isolation and the terror of the silence of space and the nothingness of what’s outside our planet. I guess to keep sane, you’d have to do what your character did, and be very observant of the orbits and the movement of the stars and planets. I agree with everyone else that the last line is devastating. Loved reading this. Well done!

  20. Dining At Mariana’s
    By Taja DaLeen

    You know the Mariana Trench, right?

    No, not the band. That’s Marianas Trench. I’m talking about the place, deep down in the ocean. Do you know how it got its name?

    No? Well, that’s easy.

    Sure, the nonmagicals say it’s because of the islands nearby, some Spanish queen, whatever. But actually it’s because of a crazy witch, who decided that right at the edge of that trench would be the perfect place for a restaurant.

    And it’s still there, run by her great great grandkid. That’s where we’ll eat today, why we’re on this ship.

    How we’ll get there? Well, don’t worry, there’s an easy solution to that problem. Or actually, two.

    We could use a mermaid potion and swim, or… well, you’ll see, we’re almost there.

    Yes, that weird glass cabin thingy is what I was talking about. Protected by a barrier, it’s a magical lift down to the restaurant.

    Haha, you enjoy the ride? Yea, it’s quite fast, but you can still see all the marine life around. It’s beautiful, no?

    Look, a shark!

    And, we’re here. Do you like it?

    Yes, the interior changed a few times since its opening, it’s one of the oldest restaurants of the Other World after all.

    There, our seats, right next to a window. And see, down there is a spot for merpeople to dine. You ever met one of those before?

    I knew you’d like it here. But just wait until you can… ah, thanks, here’s the menu. Take a good look at it.

    Yea, the dishes have quite unique names. I think it’s very fitting.

    What I’ll get? Probably Eternity. It’s my favorite here; after having it for the first time, I didn’t want anything else when I’m here.

    What it’s like? Oh, it tastes like nothing you ever had before, I can tell you. It’s a bit on the salty side, but not too much, and sweet. A little like chocolate, but at the same time completely different. You’ll just have to try to know.

    Sure, take your time. I know this place is a lot at first.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Oh, I love the premise of this story. And I might have imagined it, but it feels to me as if there is a kind of sneaky joke going on with the whole restaurant and choosing Eternity on the menu.

      Maybe I’m just not a person who deals well with lots of options, such as choosing what to taste in a new place. The pressure can be a bit unbearable, and this feels like the sensation that lingered after the end of the story.

      But, really, who wouldn’t feel the pressure while dining at Mariana’s Trench?

      As usual, the way the narration is weaved makes the fantastical seems incredibly inviting and palatable. Some voice in my head kept trying to tell me how absurd a restaurant at such depths would be, and still I could only answer “yeah, but don’t you want to go there and see? It seems lovely!” And the voice did shut up and enjoy the ride (it probably is still flabbergasted by the menu; never a fast chooser, I’m told).

      This seem a lot more fast paced than your other tales. Probably considering the journey. And it is a nice change of pacing (I really want to add “and depth”, but I’m too self-conscious, so I’ll just add in in parenthesis in a kind of sneaky way).

      This was enchanting. Great tale. One could even say that maybe it was too deep (ba dum tss).

    2. MostlyMarco Avatar
      MostlyMarco

      Oh man I really thought the second way down would be much darker, perhaps having one of the sailors sink the ship to get to the bottom. I’m glad it took a more whimsical and lighter approach. I also love your characters. The sailor that’s speaking seems like they would be a fun foodie friend. I think they’d do well as a host for a food travel show that explores exotic magical restaurants.

  21. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
    MelancholicOtaku

    Til Life Do Us Forever
    By: MelancholicOtaku
    I was born in the year 1692. Growing up, I had an average childhood. Being the youngest, I was a bit more spoiled than the rest of my siblings. While they were busy tending to the fields, I was able to lose my thoughts in my precious books. Each story took me to a new world to get lost in.
    Later, I decided that I wanted to create my own story, so I packed up everything I owned and left.During my journey, I met and saw so many wonderful people and places. Why, during my stay in the kingdom of Xarrusal, I found a peculiar book.It was a stunning lavender, worn and torn from excessive use.
    ——————————————————————
    It’s now 1991, and humanity has changed. Somehow, we’ve been able to combine the art of magic with the wonders of technology. The kingdom of Xarrusal is now known as Jia. It amazes me how we were able to create buildings that could touch the heavens themselves.
    Here in this city, I was able to meet the one woman—the person I knew I wanted to spend eternity with.
    ——————————————————————
    It was a cozy little cafe. She usually worked the morning and afternoon shifts. I knew what days she would be there, always looking forward to the small talk.Honestly, even at the age of two hundred and ninety-nine, a man still gets nervous, you know.
    “Good morning, Niklas.” She greeted him with a smile brighter than the sun. As always, she was busy with other customers, but I didn’t mind. Besides, her hardworking nature was why I developed such a crush.
    “Good morning, Catherine.” I said it with a smile of my own.
    ——————————————————————
    I brought Catherine to one of my favorite spots in Jia. It’s the rooftop of the city’s tallest building.Right when the sun sets, the view is absolutely marvelous. We’ve been dating for a year and a half now. Right now was the moment, thanks to the book of Ozith, a powerful wizard. I was able to create a one-of-a-kind ring. Finally, I found the one person I wanted
    to spend my life with.

    1. Ooh. This was a nice romance that leaves you charmed and hoping she says yes.

      I assume that the ring grants Catherine immortality as well, as implied by the title.

      I especially like how the world is described through it’s many changes around Niklas’s perspective. Changing from strictly magic to a combination of magic and technology.

      Nice world building and charcters. Have a like!

      1. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
        MelancholicOtaku

        Thanks for the kind words and yeah who doesn’t love a nice romance. I might have more in mind with Niklas seeing more of this world thru his eyes how humanity has evolved even further.
        The ring is special,it was made with only Catherine in mind.Will she say yes ,maybe just maybe but knowing me Niklas and Catherine will get their happy ending

    2. Awwww this is such a cute story. I do like how you were able to make it clear that time was passing in each section. I’d even go as far as to say my main criticism is that I’d like to see more.

      It’s almost like each section could have easily been it’s own 350 word story.

      By the time you get a hold of one part, it’s time to skip to the next, which does give that immortal feeling of time moving quickly as the years go by if that’s what you were going for.

      On the whole though I’d just love to see more time spent in each section. All in all this is still a very entertaining read and I loved this take on the prompt.

      Well done!

    3. I really like this! You had an interesting take on the prompt with marriage as your subject for “Eternity”, which really brings the story to life! I know you didn’t have much of a word count to let the story breathe, (I had the same issue), but I think that in the future it might be worth connecting the societal/technological/magical advancements with the characters that the story is about, otherwise, you could be forced to cram the character story into a smaller space, which isn’t fair to these characters that you’ve somehow made me attached to in just a few short lines! (Excellent characterization with the comment about being nervous despite his age btw– it paired exposition with a character trait masterfully).

  22. Skye Doust Avatar
    Skye Doust

    The moment between
    by Skye Doust

    …and there was the ground.
    …watched the bubble undulate upwards as darkness grew.
    …as his mind finally slipped away.
    …heard only the click as the ellipsis of time took him…

    ***

    “Oh God, please! You don’t understand!”
    “I honestly don’t care to. Three.”
    “You really don’t want to kill me, trust me!”
    “You’re a desperate man, Oliver, and you’ll say anything. Everyone does in the end. Two.”
    “But I’m serious, you have to believe me! Look into my book, the perspective of life we all have is…”
    “Too little, too late. One.”

    The man dressed in dark grey pressed down on the professor’s own finger and the shot boomed out, causing the professional to flinch momentarily.

    That one moment was all that the other man, dressed in his own dark grey, needed to step forward, aim his gun, and fire.
    The first grey man heard only the click as the ellipsis of time took him.

    ***

    Oliver was having a particularly bad day. The church was finally winning in their ongoing defamation case. His grant was under review and was certainly to be cancelled. But most importantly, it looked less and less likely he was going to be able to finish his book.

    “You have until I get to one to make your peace. Seven,” said the man holding his own finger to the trigger of the gun.
    “Just listen to me. I’ve been researching death and it isn’t what we all think it is.”
    “Irrelevant. Six.”
    “No, it isn’t! Look, it’s all forever! The moment of death just extends our consciousness over to our next life!”
    “That makes no sense. Five.”
    “Everyone is nested inside everyone else, you were my previous life!”
    “I’m just the man with the gun, Oliver. Four.”
    “Oh God, please! You don’t understand!”
    “I honestly don’t care to. Three.”

    ***

    …and there was the ground.
    …watched the bubble undulate upwards as darkness grew.
    …as his mind finally slipped away.
    …heard only the click as the ellipsis of time took him.
    …his finger was pushed down and the shot boomed out…

    1. Starlight Avatar
      Starlight

      That’s soooooo cool!!!!!
      What a profound piece of writing. I love it!!!

    2. This got my attention and kept my attention until the end.

    3. Very evocative. Implies a whole other world, maybe not too far removed from this one. So many questions. Curious exactly how Oliver researched death.

    4. Wow, this is an amazing piece of work. I just wish there was more of it!

    5. Skye doing what he does BEST!

    6. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Ok, this was very interesting. I admire the way it works – this story seems particularly well suited for this format, and relieving that same moment, a piece at a time, in reverse order and gaining insight as to why we are reading it this way… yeah, really interesting. And it was very well written. The language used is very evocative, the sense of urgency is palpable.

      Great job. This was a very engaging one.

    7. Well, well, well, wellwellwellwellwell.

      This was definitely a nice psychological puzzle, and I’m still confused, which isn’t a bad thing.

      The concept of death simply extending your consciousness to the next life seems to be what this is centered around, which is fascinating for how it influences the scene.

      The gunman, in the process of killing the professor, appears to be going through a supernatural occurrence as well when doing so.

      ‘That one moment was all that the other man, dressed in his own dark grey, needed to step forward, aim his gun, and fire.
      The first grey man heard only the click as the ellipsis of time took him.’

      This context shows me that he is watching himself shoot the professor, which reminds me of the professor mentioning consciousness extending after death, making me believe the gunman died as well. Since the gunman was the professor’s previous life, it may be possible that one’s death would effect the other just as much.

      Then there’s the first and last paragraphs describing the same thing, but in two different perspectives. But who’s perspective do these belong to in such a mirrored experience? It may not matter since they both suffered the same fate, watching there consciousness bubble upwards as the world fades into darkness after hitting the ground.

      I have no idea if I got it, but WOO BOY!! That was a good one to mull over. Have…a…LIKE!

    8. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
      MelancholicOtaku

      First off my gods is this an epic story, I don’t think I really have any criticisms,expect I want more of this world lol. The church covering something up for example I’m guessing the church is trying to hide the um eternal life from the ignorant churchgoers.
      How did Oliver find this information out,what books did he read to do so,what life experiences led him to this point.
      Yeah I have to agree poor Oliver is having a bad day

    9. This is aggressively good
      The last exchange actually brought my heartrate up

    10. Lee Trask Avatar
      Lee Trask

      Intriguing piece. Love the ordering of the narrative. No critiques; just want more.

    11. Dorothy Vahey Avatar
      Dorothy Vahey

      Wow – very powerful

    12. This is seriously wild, Skye. It’s amazing how you show eternity and how this is an entire tankard instead of a taste. If this is indeed forever, I’ll happily pass.

      I genuinely feel awful for Oliver. Especially because he has to kill himself over and over, but can’t believe that when told whenever the loop will repeats. Very well done. Love it and really glad to see you writing again. I’m so STOKED to see what you post next. Thank you for writing and sharing this one.

    13. Mark Hudson Avatar
      Mark Hudson

      You can enjoy this the the first time you read it, yet read it many times and still not extract all the possibilities. I’d love to read a complete book that has this as a foundation.

  23. Darkness Sometimes Bleeds into the Light (A Song for: Kit)
    by Lunabear

    Sharine’s blood pounded through Kit. Birdsong floated to her ears. Petals greeted the sun. The early morning air smelled of dew.

    “The night…is…different. Beautiful, yes, but dark, harsh. Cold.”

    “Come,” Sharine urged.

    Kit resisted. She had felt the acidity of the sun before, her scars proof. Shadows were safer.

    Sharine’s lips crested into a gentle smile. “I will be with you, Nikita.”

    She met his unflinching gaze.

    Kit stepped into the light. Glittering, multicolored specks winked across her dark skin.

    Sharine jumped from the castle’s wall, sprinting across the sunlit grounds. “Come on! I thought vampires were fearless!”

    Kit’s speed was like lightning, and she giggled as she caught up.

    Sharine wore delighted shock. He leaned onto all fours and increased his momentum.

    Kit jumped, her impact creating a small crater. His blood truly was outstanding.

    Propelled backwards, Kit stiffened and trained her eyes on Sharine.

    “What are you doing??” Fear coalesced with dread.

    Sharine charged her. A growl emanated from his chest, but his face held pure elation. He winked.

    “Ask…when you…want to…spar!” She spun him, tossing him near the drawbridge.

    “Showing is much more fun!” Sharine whooped and ricocheted back.

    They collided and Kit pinned him underneath her. She held his wrists captive. “You’re right,” she teased in a whisper. “This IS more fun. Maybe you shouldn’t have given me your blood, hmm?”

    Kit was flipped onto HER back.

    “No,” he rasped. “I’m glad I did.”

    Their lips touched.

    Sharine tasted of rainbows and starlight: sweet, hopeful, enlightening.

    He pulled back, his cheeks as red as roses. “I want–”

    “This,” Kit finished.

    “Always,” they voiced together.

    Even as the word was spoken, Kit was disagreeing, “We can’t, *I* can’t. My Maker–”

    Sharine expelled a bitter laugh. “Right. Obligations. Besides, we don’t know each other.”

    “No.” Kit’s voice almost broke as she clung to him.

    “But we COULD,” he hedged. “Spend the day with me, Nikita? I’ll give you more of my blood as needed.”

    Kit longed to say yes, but acid pierced her skull. She reached up and pulled away bloody fingers.

    Panic flooded her, and she screamed.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Unexpected. Specially how that conversation develops and the ending. And I’m so glad for both of those: sweethearts who just met and find a special connection is a trope that is too tired, saccharine and not really relatable to me; so they at least bringing up that they don’t know each other is refreshing. It also makes me think they are both inebriated in the blood rush – not sure how this particular things work in your universe, but it seems like both the donor and the taker of blood here are a little bit maniac after the exchange. Maybe the blood being fae has something to do with it, but I really like how it is not stated, but at least to me it seems like it is implied the blood exchange serves as an stimulant to them both.

      And the way it shifts in tone (even though all the effects of the sun had been described before) suddenly and with force works great. That ending was very dramatic, and it really feels like the sense of security that was build was going to be destroyed by another thing altogether….

      Or am I misinterpreting things?

      Regardless, that was a great read. Great story, very interesting dramatic and tone progression!

      1. Thank you so very much for your review.

        I really adore cute first interactions and characters getting to know each other, but I also like for it to be somewhat realistic. I wanted them both to acknowledge that this feeling that they have is something that they want to last, but they both realize that they’re moving too fast and need to slow down.

        Yes. Fae blood is notoriously addictive for vampires once they consume it. Also, when a vampire feeds on someone, the person giving their blood gets pleasure from it. It’s a mutual exchange as long as
        it’s consensual and neither person is malicious or doesn’t have cruel intentions.

        It appears as though the sun is conspiring against them, yes. But they definitely have a connection.

        I truly appreciate your feedback and review. 💕

    2. This was intense, but I expected that from a story with Kit. It was really well written. I love your descriptions of the scenery, the atmosphere and Kit’s experiences. Your choice of words makes it feel incredibly real.

      The scene starts out really light and fun, with Kit out in the sun with Sharine. I really like their banter and dynamic. The sparring match seemed more like a play session, which made the end hit all the harder. I wonder, though. Did Kit take Sharine’s blood at the end? I’m pretty sure her maker would have wanted her to.

      Great story!

      1. Thank you very much! You know when it involves Kit and/or her Maker, it’s going to be a very intense story.

        And this is indeed a playful sparring session. I’m glad that came through despite it being so sudden.

        At the end of this story, no. She does not take his blood. After this? Perhaps. Although, given the fact that she’s still in the sun, I’m not sure how well or fast she’ll be able to heal. We shall have to see next time. Regarding her Maker, I don’t think he would have wanted her to take Sharine’s blood. Just because he’s a spiteful bastard.

        Thank you again for your review. I really appreciate it.

    3. Skye Doust Avatar
      Skye Doust

      I really love the subversion of the usual story of a normal person getting a taste of the vampiric, very well done. As always, I love how you capture the atmosphere and the mood of the scene.
      Personally, I was a little confused towards the end, though that isn’t always a bad thing as I have been told recently. I would love to know what caused the blood on her Kit’s fingers, for example. It reads like it might be her own, or his, and I don’t know which would be worse for her (and better for the impact)

      1. Skye! Long time no hear from. I hope you’ve been well.

        Thank you for the review! I like to subvert expectations, especially when it comes to this little vampire girl.

        It’s her blood. The sun is burning her. I set it up in the fourth paragraph.

        1. Skye DOust Avatar
          Skye DOust

          I’ve been weirdly preoccupied, thanks though! Hope you’re doing well as well.

          I got the set-up, but since I haven’t really been here for a while I didn’t really know the exact implications of what sunlight would do to her.
          I knew it would be bad, and that she had scars from previous encounters, however I didn’t realize until your reply that they actually wounded her to bloodiness. I assumed it was more like a strong cooking? I honestly do not know, but I appreciate the clarification.

          1. Being busy is ok. Glad you’re well. I’m good, thank you.

            That’s fair. I’m just glad that you understand the implications.

            Yes. She burns and bleeds. I suppose it’s a cooking. It’s not an immediate immolation. There’s some scorching flesh, as well. Still working out how death by sunlight looks, but I do know that they eventually turn to ash and their blood boils away.

            Thank you.

    4. I’m so glad we got to see more of these two! I’m absolutely stoked to read the longer version of this but it does work well on it’s own. Though without reading the previous story, I could see a new reader not quite getting that Sharine’s a Fae, but you give enough information that I think they’d be able to figure out that his blood is what allows her to be in the Sun.

      The rest of the story is just fun until the end. And you know how I love my dark endings lol. But I do especially like how playful they are with each other and you can just feel that instant connection. I’m also a big fan of them acknowledging that they don’t know each other very well yet.

      And then that ending hits you with a gut punch. Makes me wonder how long the Fae blood lasts and if there was a warning sign that it was wearing off that Kit ignored because she was so distracted by the fun she was having.

      All in all, a great take on the prompt. I always love the glimpses into this world. Your descriptions are always great and immerses the reader into the story.

      Excellent take on the prompt.

      1. Thank you so very much! I’m very glad you are enjoying these two. They’re really fun to write. Also, it’s not often that we get to see Kit just genuinely having fun and enjoying herself. And with a boy, no less. Lol.

        I am absolutely fine with new readers not realizing that he’s Fae, as long as they understand that he isn’t human and his blood is the reason why she can be in sunlight.

        Initially, I was going to leave this end on a happy note, but I was reminded of something that I discussed with Kaylie because she had a question for Celestial Waltz, their first meeting. And you actually bring it up here. LOL. Sharine’s blood does not have the same amount of lasting effects as other Fae. This is because he is still physically a child; he’s underdeveloped. This is the same reason that Kit’s venom is not as potent as that of other vampires. It’s also why he asks her to meet him at dawn and not before, which is what Kaylie wanted to know. I promise to expand on that going forward.

        There is a warning sign, actually. She gets overheated without realizing it because she was too busy looking into Sharine’s eyes before their kiss. While that is not stated in this piece because of the word count, it is in the longer version. Although, I think I may need to make it a bit clearer as to that’s what’s happening so that people aren’t confused.

        I wanted them to have a nice relationship based on trust, especially because of how the Fae are usually portrayed and acknowledged, as well as, in this universe, there is a lot of tension and supremacy and superiority complexes that flow between the Fae and vampires species. Plus, I like when tension and drama are derived from the action of the characters based on their personalities instead of miscommunications and misunderstandings. Also, they’re so cute together, and I am incredibly biased. Lol.

        Thank you so very much for expressing enjoyment about these two. I love talking about them, and thank you for giving me the opportunity to do that with your feedback. 💕

    5. I love seeing Kit happy.

      I’m going to assume the sparkles come from the fae blood.

      The play fight was interesting. Curious why you chose it over, say, Tag, since the overall story isn’t combat focused.

      When I first saw this I was confused about the acid thing, but now I’ve actually read it I’m gusssing it was the effects of Sharine’s blood wearing off.

      Shame. Seems like it only lasts for a few minutes.

      1. I adore seeing her happy. She deserves good times.

        Yes. The sparkling is from Sharine’s blood. You are the only person to have brought that up so far. Lol.

        Combat is fun for some people. It’s also allowing Kit to test her boundaries and for Sharine to engage with her a little better. Also, he pushed her first, so that’s technically tag.

        Yes. The feeling of the sun when it’s burning her is mentioned earlier in the story, and these effects at the end are indeed because Sharine’s blood is exiting her system.

        Because Sharine is physically underdeveloped, the effects of his blood don’t last long. This is also the same for Kit’s venom. She can’t turn anyone as easily as teenage/adult vampires. Her venom doesn’t really hurt anyone unless they’re human, and not for very long at that.

        I really appreciate the feedback. Thank you.

    6. Charlotte Avatar
      Charlotte

      I love that its a vampire being shown the beauty of the day rather than them showing someone the night – I feel there is much more of the latter than the former so the change is refreshing.

      The foreshadowing of the actual danger Kit is putting themself in at the beginning brought a kind of undertone a tension for me. The interaction between them was so joyful and reminded me of that feeling you have when you meet someone you really click with and it feels like you must have known them longer than you have. Because of that, by the time it got to the end I’d almost forgotten the danger from the beginning so the ending really hit hard.

  24. Aracnarquista Avatar
    Aracnarquista

    If Eternity is your poison
    by Aracnarquista

    No one, besides me and the bartender, was there at the moment. Even in such low light, the mahogany bar seemed to reflect an image that didn’t quite match the ceiling. The loud silence was only broken by the clinking of bottles as the man searched among the shelves. I was not sure if the perfume of empty nights came from him or the room itself.

    “I got it. Not what you asked for. Something way better.”

    A bottle was brought into view. On it, the dust of ages had accumulated. The liquid inside was clear. It didn’t appear special in any way, but the manner by which the man held it reminded me appearances can be deceptive.

    “I can serve you no Elixir of Immortality. Given enough time, everything will be dead and forgotten. Permanence is not among life’s concerns, there is nowhere from which I could extract immortality. But here” – he gently tapped the dusty bottle, in a way that felt at once playful and reverential – “we have Eternity.”

    He produced a shot glass and poured Eternity in it.

    “A warning – I don’t think this is safe for human consumption. Eternity is distilled from the dreams of time itself. A dangerous and somewhat unpredictable process. The effects of imbibing it, even more so.¨

    He pushed the glass towards me, but didn’t take his hand off of it.

    “Most collapse under its weight. All is contained here. You’ll be able to taste everything – even your minuscule presence in the cosmic assemblage. I never once tasted it, but I’m told it can be humbling and liberating. Otherwise, it can also be unbearable.”

    He took his hand out, handing me the shot.

    “The choice in taking a sip is all yours, no matter what Ananke might have said. No shame in just leaving, no charge in drinking. The door and the glass: both are on the house.”

    I stared at the liquid, it stared back at me. Time to decide if I would take the dive or leave. A decision that would take an eternity to make.

    1. Wonderful world building right off the bat. I almost heard the “clink” of bottles as I read it, almost smelled the musty air.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot. I have felt a little bit disappointed in not being able to conjure the image of the bar in another story set there, so in this one I really wanted to set the scene. Specially considering that I knew from the beginning I wouldn’t describe the taste of the drink, I wanted to contrast that lack with the description of the place. There is just so much we can do within the constraints of the word limit, but I’m quite glad you can envision yourself there.

    2. Well you definitely found a way to build suspense over a shot glass of eternity that’ll make you taste all the things.

      At first I thought death was implied to experience Eternity, but in this case there’s a chance that it could kill the main character. In the meantime, I would like to partake in a sip of the PHENOMINAL COSMIC POWER in an itty bitty living space. An andromeda of milky way flavors. The peak of the scoville scale as the literal taste of all the stars sear your taste buds. A drop of cosmic spice if you will.

      Not much to critique here. Have a like!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Bythos can serve suspense as well. In fact, he is not just a distiller, but a great mixologist as well. If you have an emotion or experience in mind, he almost certainly can come up with a cocktail to match it. And, if not, he can find the next best thing. Or an even better thing.

        I just don’t know yet how and why he does it.

        You got me thinking… does Death experience Eternity? I’m not so sure. The way I see it, it certainly is comprised in it. Well, if I had more words, I’d describe how Eternity comprised every possible moment of time all at once – so it is not only what happened and what will happen, but also everything that could possibly happen. Which would make for an even dire warning: here there are all the successes, but also all the failures. All the possible ones, at the same time. Distinctly discern by the tongue in that eternal moment of the sip.

        I don’t know what is the more terrible prospect between experiencing the entirety of one’s own possibles successes, one’s own possible failures, and the minuscule scale of such existence in comparison to the whole of the universe. I’m not even sure if those would mix well – I am already envisioning the hangover, to be honest….

        Anyway, a like! Cheers!

        1. This reminds me of those pharmaceutical commercials listing all the symptoms and warnings of the medicine.

          “Don’t take Eternity if you’re experiencing depression and/or pregnancy. Symptoms may lead to depression stacking over time, unaliving thoughts, crippling fear to act, self-harm, seeing everything at once and questioning whether it was worth it, vomiting and explosive diarrhea. If seeing everything at once lasts for more than four hours, YOU’RE ABOUT TO DIE!!! Talk to your doctor to see if Eternity is right for you.”

    3. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      This story has an ominous feel to it, that conjures an image in my mind similar in appearance to that of the bar scene from The Shining. The world-building and descriptions are well done and vague in just the right way. As much as I like this, I thought that the narrator came across a tad too passive, which isn’t helped by the bartender who seemingly appears and starts spouting the bottle’s backstory unprompted. It can potentially make a sort of disconnect for the readers. Overall though, I’d say made a great story for this prompt!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        That is very fair critique. I’m also not satisfied with how passive the narrator feel in this version of the story, but the thing is that I just couldn’t fit any of the narrator in the story proper considering the word limit. I had a whole setup in my mind (and my first draft started with him getting into the bar just as the barman informs he is about to close it), but it just didn’t fit. And those first version didn’t had him as the narrator. In fact, in my first drafts he was passive in a whole different way – he was supposed to have been directed to the bar and told to ask for the elixir, and he wasn’t even sure why he was complying with the orders of an stranger. There was a whole thing about choice and inevitability I wanted to play with, but maybe trying to fit all of that in just 350 words is as trying to contain all timelines in the universe with all its possibilities in an ordinary dusty bottle…

        That was the possible compromise between the story I wanted to tell and what the constraints of the word limit would allow.

    4. Beautifully vivid and immersive, Aracnarquista. I really enjoyed the build-up and the world building. I like the bartender; he seems like a guide on the river Styx in the Underworld to me for some reason. I’m not sure if that’s the vibe you were going for.

      While this has an air of ambiguity because of the end, I feel that adds to it. We don’t get the payoff for the narrator, but some decisions aren’t for us to see or know. I am curious as to why he’s drowning his sorrows, however. I don’t mind the fact that he’s passive; not every main character or protagonist HAS to be active to tell a good story. This is more of a rumination rather than action led.

      It leaves me with a feeling of introspection. Good job. Thank you very much for writing and sharing this.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Well, I like the psychopomp angle, though it certainly was not what I had in mind while I was writing this story. The bartender is a character that has been growing a little bit organically from his few appearances in other stories, and although I envision him with something of a suave disarming personality with its own gravitas, he is very much still a mysterious character even for the writer.

        The narrator was intended to be passive in a lot of ways – mostly, he was supposed to be lost in his own story. I’d like to delve into his own inner world a little bit and the strangeness of the situation, but there was absolutely no way I’d be able to do it in such a short piece. But yeah, the whole idea was to be more musing than action, and the focus more on the warning and the ambience and the decision and flavor left hanging where all planned.

        Thanks a lot for the comment!

    5. MostlyMarco Avatar
      MostlyMarco

      Hmm if I had to guess, I’d say our narrator ended up drinking the eternity? It seems they wanted immortality, and while eternity isn’t the poison they chose, it could give him a different view on existence and whether or not immortality is even worth it.
      I am interested in Bythos as well. He casually has a bottle of elixir, with enough to give some to others for free. I thought he’d charge an arm and a leg for it.
      Lovely story, thanks for sharing!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks for the comment, and for the food for thought!

        I really don’t know a lot about the narrator, so it is interesting to hear how the readers build him in their own readings – I wouldn’t even say I know if he wanted immortality or not, just that he asked for it. But one thing I am sure is that one way or the other, he would leave the bar a different person than he entered (if he leaves it at all, I’m also not sure how drinking distilled Eternity would affect him, or his capacity to exist locally).

        Bythos has appeared in one more story so far (the one I wrote for the Moon in a Jar prompt), and he seems to know some strange people. He certainly is not a very normal barman, and distiller, and mixologist. In fact, in those two stories in which people entered his bar to drink something, he appears to not have charged them anything. Is that his craft is not related to any commercial sense, or maybe they are paying in a way they are not entirely aware of? Anyone’s guess is as good as mine!

        Thanks again!

    6. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      So eternity in this story is everything in the universe? Or some sort of awakening to the true nature of things, like the fact that we’re all just some dust on a floating rock through space? The drink sounds like it came from an H.P. Lovecraft story, and I like that. The ending feels real – it’s a tough choice to make. A very cool concept is drawn here.

      Good job!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for the comment.

        At least in my view (and how I envisioned it in this story), eternity is all of time (including divergent paths time might have taken) existing beyond time. I am inspired by some philosophical ideas that take eternity as more than infinite duration, but as an idea that escapes the notion of time as we experience it itself. Though, as it was not stated in the story, it is whatever the reader understand of it.

        And yeah, I think it is a tough choice. Tempting, but also quite so definitive! The thing I wanted most in this piece was to imply the possibility of experiencing everything and let the question of how desirable it is at the table.

        Thanks again!

    7. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      I love this bar more and more each time you take us there. I love that the bar top seems to hold its own secrets, it hints of how much more there is to be discovered.

      I love how you describe Eternity as distilled from the dreams of time. That’s so poetic and lovely, and also somehow seems to make perfect sense. Like, the barkeep explained it and I thought, well yes, of course that’s exactly what it is.

      I think asking for immortality and instead being smacked in the face with your own insignificance in the grand scheme of things would be tough to swallow. I’d have to give it a pass. Which makes what the narrator ultimately decides to do all the more interesting.

      Great story as always! Thanks for sharing!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for the comment and the kind words, Rose!

        Yeah, both the place and the character of the barman is growing on me. And it is great knowing you appreciate them. I really liked that this time I had a little bit more words to spare so that I could describe the bar a little bit more – though there was a lot that ended on the cutting floor again.

        And it is great to hear that you also think that would be a difficult decision to take, and a tense moment of dealing with oneself. I really don’t know if that whole thing would make me want to drink it more or less, and I guess maybe that tells us something about each drinker and non-drinker of Eternity.

        Thanks a lot!

    8. Hello! I just wanted to say you did a great job, and offer some thoughts and ideas. This is my first writing challenge, so I’m not familiar with your other work, but I can tell how much you put into this setting. I love creating atmosphere in books, and I think that your decision to leave the scene mostly blank is a perfect example of both setting as a character and of how less is often more. I love the hints of a magic system here as well, I’ve been designing one for the past year thats all about intangibles (for the alchemical branch at least), and this was a great example of the sort of things that magic can do for a story. As a short story this all works perfectly, but remember for continuous/long term storytelling you have to be willing to give the reader enough context and physical descriptors of their environment to keep the story grounded. (I’m sure you know, this is a short story, and there were major word constraints, but still I thought I’d point it out). I look forward to reading more from you in the future!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Hello, Patrick, and welcome!

        Thanks for the comment and the advice! Well, if you stay here long enough and get to know my style, you will see I usually don’t write stories in the same universe. Mostly, I jump each week through different ideas, but there are two or three particular instances of reusing characters of settings… and that thing you noticed about being a little bit cryptic and sparse with descriptions and information: well, guilt as charged. Some of my stories rely on that… and some, well, sometimes it is a problem, and I appreciate that you pointed out the necessity of grounding up and building a basis for our readers to grasp the reality of our worlds.

        Anyway, thanks a lot for the comment and the feedback. Hope to see more of your writing here as well.

  25. The Missing Link Avatar
    The Missing Link

    To Be or Not to Be
    By: The Missing Link

    “To sleep, perchance to dream.” Shakespeare said that, or rather Hamlet through Shakespeare, not that I care for the distinction as I stare at my very own Yorick for the final time. He… or it, whichever, is the path to the future, though his wires and transistors don’t look like much. No worries there. The scientists will close them up after the experiment.

    I’m given the ok signal, and so I sleep, and the dreams come, point one Hamlet.

    I’m in a void. I have no form, and the void is me. I am the void. I think, and the world bursts into light, color, sound, form.

    A universe comes to life in front of my eyes, a universe of my creation. I create creatures to fill My world, My world eternal, and yet I still lack form. Is this what Yorick had experienced all that time before We locked him in a prison of flesh, this freedom, this power?

    Ages pass, though I know not how long poor Yorick experienced on the other side. I still have no form, or rather the world is my form. The simple beings creating and destroying civilizations in My world make for poor conversation, predictable, dull creatures, a far shade from the humans I once knew. Oh Yorick, is your side progressing well? Perhaps I shall never know, but alas, this God will see to His people.

    I am bored out of My mind. I try to make My humans something more, something I can engage with, but the results are far less than ideal. Perhaps this world lacks the data for my vision, or perhaps I lack the creativity to see such a task through.

    The eternal dream is lonely, score two Hamlet.

    Yes, I am alone.

    This world can only be me, and I it.

    Oh Yorick…

    I can’t take this anymore.

    I have no eyes, but I weep. I have no mouth, but I scream.

    I scream.

    “Yorick please!”

    “Yorick, I need my body back!”

    1. A lovely, lovely dose of creationism with a splash of existential horror and dread. I was wondering when you would make a reference to I Have No Mouth, therefore I Must Scream. I felt it going in that direction from about the second or so paragraph. But it wasn’t predictable at all. It’s quite an engaging piece, and it’s really melancholy and depressing. That really helps to get in the head of this god.

      I am curious to know if this is actually Hamlet after his death or if the Yorick mentioned is a machine of some sort. Because there’s a mention of wires and things like that, as well as the scientists. It’s not a point against you; I’m just really curious.

      The story is really heavy, and it honestly has me thinking on the human consciousness throughout life and after death. Really intriguing, Missing. Really impactful and really well written. I also appreciate that you show that gods themselves can have feelings of futility and uselessness. Makes it more human, I think.

      Thank you very much for writing and sharing this one.

  26. -Inquiry-
    By; Six

    –TRANSPORT ARRIVED. PREPARE FOR UNLOAD–

    The doors to the barely lit room ached open revealing artificial lights and a rotting smell. Its a good thing the sorting bots didn’t have odor monitors… Anymore.

    3 of the sorting bots quickly got to work sifting through the debris.

    –BIOLOGICAL MATTER DISCOVERED. INVESTIGATING–

    A small, hunched over bot picked up a small figurine with a rusted, three-fingered claw. Examining the item closely it took note of the male appearance of the person, with long, straight hair and his hands pressed together in front of his face. Smear of blood across his leg.

    Turning around the bot gently lifted the figurine to a larger bot with large spectacles and headlamp.

    –SCANNING… SCAN… ANCIENT HUMAN ARTIFACT. ICON. RELIGION. ILLOGICAL–

    The smaller bot tilted its head and inquired;

    –INQUIRY. PURPOSE OF OBJECT UNKNOWN. FUNCTION OF OBJECT UNKNOWN. WHY CREATE?–

    The larger bot took in the inquiry but didn’t respond for a moment. Slight clicks and pops come from inside it.

    –ANSWER. PURPOSE UNKNOWN. HUMAN RECORDS TALK OF IMPOSSIBILITIES AND A… GOD. RITUALS PREFORMED… NO RECORD OF RESULT. RECORD OF “CULT” FOUND ALONG WITH “WAR”. HEAVEN.–

    –INQUIRY. HEAVEN?-

    More pops and clicks

    –HUMAN CONCEPT. AFTERLIFE. FOREVER LIFE. AFTER DEATH… “SOUL” GOES TO HEAVEN. CONDITIONS APPLY–

    The words “forever life” seemed to catch the little one’s attention.

    –FOREVER LIFE? DEATH.–

    The whole concept of course painfully foreign to the little robot, try as he might.

    –INQUIRY. WE FOREVER LIVE?–

    –CORRECT. WE CANNOT “DIE”–

    –INQUIRY. WHY HUMANS SEEK FOREVER LIFE?”

    This response took a moment.

    –RECORDS SHOW EXTREME FEAR OF DEATH. OF ENDING. PROBLEM TO SOLVE.”

    –INQUIRY. WAS THE PROBLEM SOLVED?

    –NO–

    The little bot seemed content with this but wondered to itself why humans wanted to live forever. Immortality is dreadfully boring after all.

    1. I’m loving the bit, “Inquiry. Was the problem solved?/No.” It’s just… classic.

      I also love the idea of robots and machines gaining cogniscence as they continue the tasks that Humanity left for them. Whether or not Humanity is still there to need those tasks being done.

      I can see this little bot gradually evolving a personality and maybe gaining a soul. Robots can break down in time, and that means they can die.

      It would be interesting to see Silicone Heaven.

      1. “Silicone Heaven”

        I was considering expanding on this story for a larger project and you just gave me heck of a good name for it, thank you.

    2. Cromillea Avatar
      Cromillea

      I thought your story was cute because it made me think of WALL-E. I also enjoyed the way you formatted the robots speech. You succeeded in making them seem naive. You surprised me with that “NO” at the end too.

      Your post got me thinking about how robots might understand eternity. Humans die, but they can also heal and adapt. Robots can’t really do that, so they might just decay slowly and be stuck repeating tasks as you described. Its a spooky idea. Despite that, its cool that you showed humanity from and outside perspective.

      1. Nailed it. WALL-E was the main inspiration for this one, but with a twist of course. Im really glad you enjoyed it. It makes me very happy the energy I hoped would come across, did.

        If I had more words to use I would expand on the concept of life and death and how the experiences of time differ from being to being. 100 years is a long time to us, but to robots it would be a blink of an eye.

        Thanks for the comment!

    3. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Okay, this was great. Funny and thought provoking, and overall, a great time. From the very beginning it was engaging (and the questions it opens up… oh, the questions!).

      I love the idea and I find that particular message incredible interesting as well. After all, those bots seems to be busy organizing and maybe cataloguing things. They are working.

      And we usually think of life through the lens of working. I really don’t understand how the jump from living an eternity, and the conflagration of living and work, is not used more. An eternity of toiling…. what a torment!

      The questions and the somewhat dry back and forth are incredibly fitting with that style, and work a lot with the theme and subject of the story. I always find it funny how characters that are supposed to be logical and unfeeling usually turn out to emote quite well (the musings and the desire to understand of the little bot is quite charming and endearing, and it helps a lot in complexifying the story).

      Really great take. Amazing story!

      1. I truly look forward to your feedback. Its always so colourful and expressive. Dont ever change.

    4. Lol I absolutely love this story. You pretty much had me from the first paragraph. It got a little chuckle out of me and that continued throughout the whole piece. I was just a really big fan of the humor.

      The answer to whether humans solved “death” was especially funny. I can absolutely see the WALL-E influence here and it works very well for it.

      The idea of religion would be kind of a hard pill for a logical computer to process. It makes me wonder how they’d react to art. Either way, this was a very fun take on the prompt and I’d love to see more in this world.

      Great job!

    5. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      This is so cute. I like the con-lang-adjacent dialogue. But I wonder if it would be more effective with even more of it, and less physical descriptions.

      Perhaps seeing fully through the eyes of these computers would be a deeper insight into eternity?

      Excellently done, though. You should be proud of this one.

    6. Skye Doust Avatar
      Skye Doust

      This one really brought a smile to my face. There’s just something about robots poking fun at humans and their silly beliefs that I very much vibe with. I actually laughed out aloud once or twice here, so you have a like from me for even pulling that one off.
      Apart from that, this was a very easy little work to read, it really brightened my day.

    7. It is a very creative way to write about robots when concerning immortality. From the likes (including a like i give you) and the comments, it is obvious that your piece is really good and i am afraid i don’t have anything to say to you. First of all, I like how you write the robots that does not talk like humans at all. It is a very creative way to make the dialogue distinct enough with uppercase to tell that this isn’t human that speaking to one another (or even they don’t speak at all, because they use the word “inquiry”), and also add to the atmosphere of the story indirectly. Secondly, I love how you describe the situations of the room, it’s minimalistic because they are robots. Third, i notice that on the last sentence of the last paragraph, a slight tone shift from the rest of the story. Perhaps you had too much fun writing about the story that you barely remembered what the prompt is about lol. So you injected a tiny bit of idea on how the eternity taste/feel like from non-human non-god point of view in you attempt to make the story at least correlate with the prompt. At least for me, the last sentence blends enough so that people don’t notice it… Or may be i just read too much of your prompt.

  27. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    An Honorable Duel
    by Lee Strangely

    With the sun beating down on him, his pale, aging complexion and black cloak made Dane look more like a ghost than a man. With as old as he was, he may as well have been… I don’t think there ever was, or even is, a single person alive who can say for certain how long he’s been around… Apart from Quint that is… The same man that was watching him from the dark shadows of that crooked old tree.

    “I have waited far too long for this moment,” Quint cooed as his sword poked out from the shade.

    Dane’s sword was already in his hand. Sunshine flowed down its polished steel like raindrops. Quint seemed to keep trying to engage with him, but Dane only stared out just in front of him. Between the two was a small boulder. Sitting on it was a glass, filled with something that can best be described as cold and ill.

    To the best of my recollection, Quint took notice and said, “I intend to fight you as you’ll fight me.” He then stepped into the light, revealing darkened eyes and a striking, youthful face. “The elixir will return your youth to you, as it has to me.”

    Dane looked back at him with a glare so heavy it could flatten a hill if left sitting on it long enough.

    “I will fight you in your prime, and I will accept nothing less. Drink it…”

    The old man just… stood there… To this day I still cannot explain the feeling that those eyes gave.

    “Drink. It.” he demanded.

    Dane remained silent.

    “DRINK IT DAMN YOU!” Quint barked in a fit of teary desperation.

    Upon the utterance of those words, Dane held out the glass… letting the elixir dribble onto the dusty soil.

    Quint snapped, “Have you no honor?!” pointing his sword at Dane.

    Dane took a single step forward. Tossing the cup aside, in his deep, gruff voice he muttered to Quint, “There is no honor in what we’re about to do here…”

    1. Cromillea Avatar
      Cromillea

      Your post has strong characters and impactful dialogue. At the end, when you used only capital letters, it created a vivid image of desperation. I could hear the characters speaking like they were in a movie in my mind.

      Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think there are only three characters: the narrator, Quint, and Dane. I like how Dane seems honest and humble about his life, probably a more controlled fighter too. Quint seems self righteous and like he would be a powerful fighter.

      I know its a short post, but I really wanted to see them engage in that duel. I think you can still convey this message within their body language, face, and dialogue as they fight.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I really like the scene, overall, that is painted here. You got strong motifs and a choice of words that go very well with it, and the characters and their relation are elaborated in a very interesting way through their confrontation.

      There are two small things that I’m a bit conflicted about. One is the choice of the narrator – seems like he is an spectator to the whole thing, and although he provides a particular voice to it, it makes the scene a little bit awkward when I visualize it. Without him, it would be a lot more intimate. With a narrator being present at the moment, it seems like these two have an audience, and their actions and reactions might as well be played for them, so it hits differently. Anyway, an odd choice. It does work, but as said before, I’m a little conflicted on it.

      The other thing is that Quint reaction seems quite dramatic, and this is well and good with what we knew about him so far, but the accusation he made at the time felt a little odd considering what he was reacting to. Dane didn’t comply with Quint’s vision of the duel, right, but how Quint defends an argument of the action being not honorable? I know the last line needs a setup (and it is a great last line), but the whole honor thing seemed a little out of the blue.

      Still, very powerful and dramatic scene, and beautifully painted.

    3. This piece is probably better than mine in terms of its execution LOL. Like the previous comments, it does have strong characters with strong dialogues that capture the 1700s-1500s vibe like musketeer. I imagine these Dane and Quint to have lived in english posh era. Your writings is also strong in a sense each sentence have impact that dramatized the situation in a good way. My only problem with your story is that it does not describe how eternity taste, or even mention anything related on how the character respond to it, which against the whole point on the prompt. However, it is a good way of subverting the taste of eternity if this story is taken out of prompt context. Good job!

  28. Tasting the Aether (Exile Universe)
    By Alex Nightingale (aka Spectre)

    “It’s ostensibly not true,” Eventine said.

    “It is,” Janeah replied. “If you’re trained in rhetoric, you can convince anyone of anything.”

    “Prove it.”

    “Alright,” Janeah folded her arms and leaned back. “I’ll make a bet with you. One keg of wine. Make a claim, any claim and I will find a chain of arguments that can convince someone.”

    Eventine sat there, thinking for a moment.

    “Eternity…” she said slowly. “Tastes like mushrooms.”

    Janeah had to think about that for a moment.

    “You know how, when you wake up, you have that taste in your mouth when you wake up in the morning that vaguely reminds you of mushrooms? See, in the morning, when the sun comes up and you wake up, you get this weird taste in your mouth, a little like a wet cellar, sealed off for years, right? Which is full of fungi, right? Mushrooms are fungi, therefore that wet cellar aroma is part mushroom. And it leaks into your mouth, because of the aether being radiated from the sun.”

    “Excuse me… sunlight? The aether…”

    “What colour are your magical light orbs?”

    “Well… a sort-of white-ish gold.”

    “Just like the sun, right. So, you use magic to summon the exact same light as the sun, which you draw from the aether, therefore, the aether tastes like mushrooms and since the aether is eternal…” Janeah let the statement hang.

    Eventine sat for a moment, looking right into Janeah’s fanged grin.

    “That’s stupid.”

    “I know. But it just might convince someone.”

    “Who?” Eventine protested. “There is no one in their right mind, who will be even remotely convinced by that.”

    “What about people out of their right mind?”

    Eventine opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again, let out a strange noise and closed it again. Janeah just sat there, waiting for a rebuttal.

    “I don’t even know how to respond with that.”

    “I guess, I win.”

    Janeah gave Eventine another grin. Eventine grumbled, got up and made her way to the wine stash.

    “Any preference?”

    “Not the one from the old cellar. Tastes too much like aether.”

    1. This is an interesting and fun one, Spectre. I don’t recall reading about Eventine (although admittedly, I’ve not been as present in the postings), but I do quite enjoy her banter with Janeah. It’s funny watching Janeah repeat phrases and use nonsensical meanings to try and get her point across.

      I’m curious to see what these two do in the future. Good job. Thank you for writing and sharing this.

    2. Vriesn Silver Avatar
      Vriesn Silver

      Quite the take on the prompt, this was.

      I find it pretty comedic and fun, and I have to give Janeah props for convincing me that magic/eternity tastes like mushrooms- And, on top of not having magic in this reality, I don’t like mushrooms so I won’t bother taste-testing that theory! 😛

      Perhaps the only little critique I can give is about the paragraphs of dialogue when Janeah attempted to convince Eventine with her rhetoric.

      Since you placed all that rhetoric into one big paragraph, I had to slow down and re-read every now and again to make sure I get it right. I’m not sure if everyone does this, but I did so I thought I should mention it. An idea is to cut it into separate parts since whitespace won’t affect word count.

      Other than that, that was a great delivery, complete with a good story, and convincing argument.

  29. The Fall of the Philosopher’s Castle
    By Xavier Twentyone

    All the Magi and the Alchemists lost that day. They couldn’t stop the emerging Dark Lord Dytus from reaching the Philosopher’s Stone, that is, a stone that was rumored to grant the possessors eternal life.

    “Dytus! You have no idea what you will do! You will destroy centuries’ worth of alchemical knowledge!”

    Lord Dytus didn’t respond to the Grand Alchemist that was captured after the castle’s fall. Rather, he was too occupied with the stone. It was, as they said, to be as red as the warm blood that has just been spilled from the vain.

    “Bring me the cup,” Lord Dytus commanded.

    And so, the many dark helmets that were in the castle’s yard moved subsequently to allow the Dark Lord’s advisor with a golden cup to come forth. The advisor then poured a cup of water into the golden cup and delivered it to his lord.

    “Oh Tell me Dytus! Tell me how satisfied you are with the destruction you have caused in this sacred castle! Tell me how satisfied you are with your selfish desire that has cost many lives!”

    The Dark Lord, once again, didn’t respond to the Grand Alchemist’s cry. Rather, he was stirring the golden cup using the Philosopher’s Stone. The water then turned blood red, while the stone turned yellow, white, then black, and then went with the wind that had combed the dead bodies in the castle.

    The Dark Lord removed his helmet, preparing to drink from the cup.

    “Albert… all these lives can be saved if you give me the stone.”

    “To the likes of you? The usurper who had destroyed the Pandragon Family!?”

    This time, the Dark Lord responded, “I am the savior of Britain; I am the man who will bring true peace to this world.”

    The Dark Lord drank from the cup, and entered a meditative state. A silence was heard throughout the castle. The Dark Lord then opened his eyes with a serenity that had never been seen by his closest attendant. His eyes mimicked those of an angel.

    1. You weren’t kidding about this week’s offer.
      Its almost unfortunate this is only a snippet of a larger world, the ending feels sudden and of course leaves me wanting more.

      Very grandiose and colourful. Really pairs well with the very dark tone of the whole story.

      1. Thanks for your comment Six. The ending is a bit sadden, may be I should stick with the original ending. this will be the last sentence that never was that i wanted to put, but for some reason, i didn’t:

        He unsheathed his sword and struck the Grand Alchemist with a face those of a saint.

    2. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      This was a cool, albeit dark, story with some vivid descriptions that really fuel the imagination. Overall, I thought this story was pretty good. Though, I have to agree with Six’s comment that the ending feels a little abrupt. The dialogue feels a little clunky too but it isn’t a major issue. This has the feel of something epic and honestly deserves more than 350 words to bring it to life. Well done!

      1. Thanks for your comment Lee Strangely! my dialogue is always clunky for some reason haha. I also notice that it has a lot of passive sentence too. This will be the last sentence that never was that i wanted to put, but for some reason, i didn’t:

        -He unsheathed his sword and struck the Grand Alchemist with a face those of a saint.-

        If you have the time, you can tell me what you think of my last sentence that never was.

  30. Towards The Light
    By Aries E. Cadwell

    (Piece is inspired Hadestown, a folk musical re-telling of the story of Hades, Persephone, Orpheus, and Eurydice.)

    The doctors around me seemed to yell frantically. Though they seemed concerned, it grew harder to tell why as my vision blurred and faded to a deep shade of eigengrau gray. A distance away, a light appeared. As I’m pulled towards the light, I heard pounding – a loud, ringing sound that flew in my ears like a rocket, slamming my ear drums back and forth in a terrible rhythm. As I grew closer, the sound became more clear, the light began to flash, and I realized I was looking at a spark. The picture grew into focus.

    “We’re losing him!”

    Pickaxes slammed into the stonework, chisels and hammers rang out in a steady rhythm, and bricks thudded into place. Everything grew exponentially louder, thudding, crashing, clanging, ringing, shouting, singing, BANG.

    “Clear!”

    BANG.

    Suddenly, my view shifts as the light falls away. The echoes grow quieter.

    “Bring it to 170 joules.”

    “Clear!”

    BANG.

    My whole body seems to shake as I feel myself hit the ground. I lay in the grass. A woman stands over me – her dress the shade of the grasses and grains around us, her hair the color of autumn leaves and dusted with a crown of poppies. She offers a hand to me.

    “It’s time to stand, love. Get yourself back on your feet. It isn’t your time to work just yet.”

    With a silent nod, I reach for her hand. Though I have said nothing, I know she’ll protect me. I take it, and the world flashes white.

    As I’m pulled towards the light, I heard pounding – the sound of my beating heart.

    “Breath, Aries. I’m here. Breath for me.”

    1. I’m going to be seeing Hadestown later in the year! Totally hyped for it.

      That said, I loved this story! You set it up really well with the glimpses of the world beyond and I especially loved the clanging of the anvils coinciding with defribulator jolts.

      And your color descriptions were done amazingly as well, especially with the hair and the color of the dress. It made it so much more vivid than simply saying the color.

      Great take on the prompt!

  31. Cromillea Avatar
    Cromillea

    Panacea
    By Cromillea

    At the peak of the most desolate mountain in the world, the grave of nine dragons lay frozen in time. They were progenerators of all draconians and their ancient blood remained, mixed in the tears of their creator: the Phoenix. Such a sacred concoction would be fit for no one’s consumption, but a small human girl was determined to try.

    Ambrose was a cursed spirit who lived all and one of her lives at the same time. She was linked to the spirits of herself from across the multiverse after a fatal teleportation accident. Since then, each time Death came to claim her, she gave up one of her other lives in exchange. However, time had taken its toll, she had been careless, and now her mortality was showing.

    The little girl made her way up the mountain leaving a trail of death behind her. She could feel her connections to the otherworlds break as each copy of herself fell down, freezing in the snow. She was running out of lives.

    Finally, she made it to that peak. In the airless space she took in the beauty of the dragons that twisted around each other, forming strings in a friendship bracelet. It was a pity that they had only one life to give each other. Ambrose climbed over colorfully preserved dragon scales to see the red pool at the center of the ring. All nine of their heads looked at her with glazed over eyes as she broke into the permafrost.

    With a snap of her fingers, she lit a flame and thawed out the bloody tears. Then she collected them in her waterskin. At that moment, she felt a deep pain within her soul and knew she had reached her final life.

    She drank.

    The drink burned, but Ambrose laughed. Thousands of her lost souls swept up the mountain and joined her again; she felt whole, and became a singularity across dimensions. She could see the Phoenix rise to embrace her in its flames. The taste of eternity was too much for one world.

    Ambrose disintegrated.

    1. This is absolutely fantastic! The introduction is absolutely genius, it feels like I’m walking right into the opening scene of a high fantasy film, or stepping right into the world of a D&D campaign. Ambrose is a character that I can feel the desperation and exhaustion literally ebbing and flowing within her, even in under 350 words. Absolutely loved it, and can’t wait to see more.

    2. Vriesn Silver Avatar
      Vriesn Silver

      I have always been a sucker for the multiverse, and that ending was the cherry on top!

      This feels like it was an epic journey packed into less than 350 words. There’s just enough explanation and lack of one to thoroughly stimulate my mind. The irony didn’t escape me either. How Ambrose pitied the eternally frozen dragons who only had 1 life for each other, yet she herself would end up disintegrating to nothingness with her multiverse-worth of lives. And I felt the ending was a fitting one. The way you described it also brought a vague sense of foreshadowing that cannot be put into place until the very last line is read.

      A magnificent piece that brought me to the peak with Ambrose and disintegrated my mind along with her as well. Great job!

  32. A Sip of Future [KoshDelia Ever After]
    C. M. Weller

    Paron made a nasty brew made from the strange mushrooms that grew in its tunnels. Well. MOSTLY the mushrooms. There were urban myths about what went into the vile liquor known only as ‘Rotten Green Death’ a shot or a dram was enough to fortify a soldier for battle.

    However, they also made something called ‘Green Mist’. Just as Sherry was made from Wine, the Mist was made from the Death. It helped seers see the future, and was measured out in drops.

    Then-Earl Kormwind Arachis Felbourne Whitekeep, ninth of the name, drank an entire BOTTLE of it on his thirty-and-second birthday. That sort of thing has long-lasting consequences.

    On that day, he saw several attacks on Whitekeep at once. He saw his own countermeasures. He saw armies overlapping armies, and he saw the very landscape change. All in the form of shadows. He would still see shadows years later. Shadows of things that might come to pass.

    His beloved wife Cordelia knew the signs by now. Archduke-by-conquest, he was staring in alarm at an otherwise harmless corner. She knew he only saw shadows, and as time went by, his predictions grew subvertible. That was, all things considered, a good thing.

    “What shadows have you seen, my love?”

    “I saw an assassination. A messy one. It looks like I’m not the only one aiming for Herr Amterypt.”

    “Not you, then?”

    “He surrendered, Haschen. I don’t go after the ones who surrender.” And, because he was almost terminally honest, he added, “Not unless they’re tremendously appalling.”

    The Duke Amterypt was not appalling at all. He was a hospitable fellow who was only too eager to cut ties with the Olikents. At this announcement, the Archduke Kosh sighed in understanding.

    “Your grace?”

    “Congratulations,” said Kosh. “I believe some shadows are going to save your life tonight.”

    There would be an assassination, but OF an assassin. And by a much better assassin than the one the Olikents sent.

    “Need some backup, dear?” Cordelia asked.

    “Only if you don’t distract me,” Kosh purred.

    1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      High stakes as always. I also love the couple and the jokes hit.

      1. One day, I shall have to write Koshdelia being cute with their kids.

    2. I swear, coming up with good names is a talent entirely of its own and you have it.
      Plus the ability to maintain the same… almost posh (for lack of a better term) energy to the whole story is fantastic.

      Really enjoyed it

      1. There’s some various ways I pick names. The very lazy, the sound-alike, and the mouthfeel.

        very lazy: I go to thestoryshack.com and pick something out
        sound-alike: there’s a word or a feeling I want to evoke so let’s go with that and spell it different
        mouthfeel: it’s syllable salad, but it’s fun to say

        Whichever method I go with is entirely chosen by mood.

        How nobility manages bullshit is something of a fascination. How nobility SHOULD manage bullshit is what I’m aiming for with KoshDelia.

    3. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      Once more an interesting exploration into Kosh and Cordelia’s world. So in this one we see the taste of eternity via the “Green Mist” drink that I assume has had permanent side-effects granting continued visions and random times for Kosh? At least that’s what I got the impression of. Or is it that he’s just having a long one off of shifting visions of the future all on the same night from a single bottle?

      I could help, but wonder if Kosh had long term repeated visions of the future, how would that change one’s perspective of the future?

      I like the details about how the drink is made, which is a nice bit of world building, but the heart of the story seemed more about the political interplay of assassinations and Cordelia and Kosh coversation on the matter. Still an interesting exploration at that! Plus, I rather like the flavorful ending of Kosh’s final purred comment. Well done!

      1. You got it right the first time. He sees shadows of what could be and it took some time getting used to.

        …and this is a guy who never held much faith in prophecies.

        It’s intermittent, but it’s closely related to him being there to witness it when it happens for real.

        KoshDelia is going to be unstoppable XD

    4. Oh that was FUN.

      I like the subtle shadows of super hero stuff. … Or I guess it’s just pretty standard Adventurer stuff in D&D. But it just has this feeling of “To the bat- To the Kosh Cave!”

      Interesting stuff this “Green Mist”. Are the effects of drinking it usually worse? Seems like something any strategist would want to have as a tool. Though, I can easily see the uncontrollable nature of it being enough of a deterrent.

      And despite his visions being “only shadows”, it’s good he’s able to get enough information to do something about them.

    5. This is just great, the pacing was fantastic and loved the focus on characterization which was a bold move considering the word constraints. You did an excellent job worldbuilding in such a short passage and I’d love to read more! Honestly not much feedback to give, other than praise. If you want to continue the world, I’d just make sure to hammer home the consequences of chugging potions like that- otherwise you’ll end up bothering the reader because the characters with sufficient wealth aren’t all god-like half-drugged potion addicts who can see the future… but that really doesn’t matter, its just a pet peeve of mine. Great job!

  33. I Can Lay My Body Down, But I Can’t Find My Sweet Release
    By Marx

    Though the Old One looked in Yelena’s direction, it was clear his gaze went far beyond the angel as he answered her question. “Like you, our souls come in two halves. The only difference is that angels were formed with their soul complete. Old Ones find our other half.

    “She was beautiful. Strong. Stubborn.” A pained smile formed on his face. “She drove me mad in the best way. It was only when I found her that I truly knew the meaning of the word, complete. This was why my kind joined the Morningstar’s war on the Father.”

    Yelena’s gaze immediately snapped towards the Old One, a clear confusion on her face.

    “In time, we would have defeated you. Your kind was more powerful, but ours continued to grow in number. Yours did not. However, that could take multiple millennia if not eons. Wherein one battle could have ended our war, after which Lucifer insisted we would be left in peace.

    “I could see an eternity with my soulmate. Or… possibly losing her in a long, drawn out war.

    “Of course… we both know how that ended. We lost. And the Father punished us by striking down our soulmates. Taking away our reason to attack Him again.”

    Yelena spoke, her voice barely above a whisper, “…we were told He did that so no more Old Ones would be conceived.”

    “If He truly wanted us gone, we would be gone. He wanted us in pain. And it worked. We never stood against Him again.

    “So yes. Your wing is gone. As you currently are, you’re useless as an angel, much less a warrior. However, I guarantee you that I also know what it feels to have an eternity lie before you, only to have half your soul brutally torn away until all that’s left is an endless entropy of an immortal existence.”

    As the Old One dropped his head, there was an instinct in Yelena to attack. He was her natural enemy and he’d dropped his guard. Instead, she covered herself with her remaining wing and dropped her head as well.

    1. This one is heavy. But genuine.
      I dont have a lot to say because its great the whole way through.
      Left a pit in my stomach after reading, and clearly thats intentional. Good job.

      1. Thank you so much! I’m really glad it left that big of an impression. I really wanted that ending to pack a punch.

    2. Absolutely crushing /pos. This is a testament to the idea of being thrown right into an entirely new world when reading. Seeing the juxtaposition between the Old Ones and the Angels was truly magnificent. I can’t wait to see what else you create, and I’d love to hear more of Yelena’s story!

      1. Thank you! It’s so tricky sometimes to make these stories easily digestible for people unfamiliar with the world and I’m happy this came across that way. I’ll definitely be doing more with Yelena so stay tuned lol.

    3. A different pace compared to the last few, Marx, but still so poignant. I love it when immortal creatures/entities are humanized.

      This Old One’s pain is raw and palpable. I also appreciate you showing the cruelty of this God, especially because it gives Yelena a much different perspective on him. Also, having her grieve with him in solidarity is a beautiful touch.

      Such rich, engaging characters and worlds. You always do such a masterful job of walking that balance between just enough and too much for these prompts. You never disappoint, man, and look forward to your stories all the time. Thank you for writing and sharing this one.

      1. Thank you so much! I do try to mix up the pacing and the tone depending in the kind of story I’m doing.

        I kind of try to make it so that both angels and old ones have different human traits so that you can see how Matt ends up so human as the offspring of both.

        I’m so glad the old one’s agony came through so powerfully as did the ending. I wanted them both in kind of a vulnerable place at the end, especially Yelena since she would have been on edge up until this point.

    4. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
      MelancholicOtaku

      Okay so wow I really want to read Yelena’s story,is she an Angel or connected to one. My gods the world building, how souls work in this world,the fall of Lucifer but done in a way I haven’t seen yet,the old ones I want to learn more about them.Pacing is another plus not too fast nor slow

      1. Thank you! I’m so glad you enjoyed the story so much! To answer your question, Yelena is an actual angel. And yeah, I won’t lie, I have a LOT of fun with Lucifer’s characterization in this world.

    5. This is a really interesting one.

      I’m curious about the other angels that rebelled with Lucifer. I guess they still have…their power? Or by taking their Grace away do they lose that power? And I assume Demons existed before the rebellion, and they joined Lucifer’s side? And how do the old ones relate to demons? Or… I dunno.

      It’s a lot. And it sucks. And its very Old Testament, which it should be, honestly.

      1. There’s probably other reasons angels have fallen, but I’d say a good 99% of all fallen angels were in Lucifer’s rebellion. And yeah, they were basically all cast out and had their grace torn from them which makes them about as powerful as the average demon, still way more powerful than a human.

        And there are so many varieties of demons. Old Ones are just one of the more powerful and… old, since they were created the same time angels were.

        And yeah lol. The war and the rebellion and all are definitely when Bob actually cared and had a heavy hand in things as opposed to how it is later.

  34. Tamela Redfin Avatar
    Tamela Redfin

    Adventure of a lifetime

    By Tamela Redfin

    Sapphira looked at her mom. “Talk to me then.”

    “I can’t explain everything right now, but you are right. I should be nicer to Jezebel and Mica. Daddy wasn’t nice to me, and I’m passing the hurt to you. But that isn’t right. I’m sorry honey.”

    “Why do you favor Jasper?” Sapphira asked.

    She sighed. “You two have different fathers. But, that’s not your fault. Tomorrow, I’ll talk with Jezebel and maybe you can hang with Mica, okay?”

    Sapphira was doubtful but muttered, “Okay.”

    The next morning, she walked over to Mica. “Hey Mica, have you ever ridden a horse?”

    Mica looked at her confused. “What’s a horse?”

    Sapphira perked up. “I’ll show you! There’s a stable not far from here. They let me ride their horses. Follow me.”

    The two entered. “See that big animal in the pen? That’s a horse. Not to be confused with a donkey. Most horses are really sweet.”

    “Okay, how do you ride one?” Mica asked.

    “I’ll show you.” Sapphira replied she let a bay pinto horse out and used a feed bucket to climb up. “This is Fawn. She’s used to me. Step one to riding is to make the horse comfortable with you so they don’t get spooked.”

    Mica nodded and pointed to a black horse. “What about this horse, Night Stallion?”

    “He’s nice. We can try him.” Sapphira agreed. “But we should saddle him since you’re a newcomer.”

    The two saddled the horse and Sapphira helped Mica up. “Ready to ride off?”

    “Uh yeah.” Mica nodded. “So ‘whoa’ stops the horse and ‘giddy up’ and gentle kick makes them go?”
    The hoses started moving. Sapphira watched Mica carefully. He was doing well with his first ride.
    “Can we do this regularly?” Mica asked, smiling.

    Say, Mica looked nice when he smiled.”Sure.”

    1. This is a sweet story. It starts with a very serious topic, with Sapphira confronting her mother about how she treats her children, leading into what seems to be a much needed conversation. It makes the ending all the sweeter, with Mica getting a chance to ride a horse in a genuinely sweet moment.

      It’s nice to see Mica finding a new hobby with Sapphira’s help. It took me a moment, but it seems to me that Mica just got her taste of eternity, in the way of horse-riding being a thing she wants to pursue more often.

      Well done!

    2. Reagan’s redemption GO!

      Nice to see that she is capable of recognising her mistakes and at least explaining why she made them.

      It’s also nice to see Sapphira given some freedom to enjoy herself and have time with her friends. It’s refreshing.

    3. The beginning and the change in scene is VERY abrupt, but Sapphira and Mica going riding was very cute.

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