Tale Foundry

Writing Group: I’m Never Doing That Again

—

by

thetalefoundry
in ,

Hello Disgruntled Leaders, Thrill-Seekers, and Promise-Keepers!

Phew, we made it! Alright, did everyone see that? Because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

I’m Never Doing That Again

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

This prompt has almost endless possibilities—from silly to serious, from fantastical, to real. There are many things one might never want to do again.

It’s hard to know where to even start with examples, there are so many to choose from! Someone might try a new or different food and say “I’m never ordering that again!” or “I’m never eating here again!” You could write about a kid on the playground eating worms on a dare, saying they won’t be doing that again after throwing them all up. Perhaps this kid was bullied into doing it, and instead of vowing not to eat worms, they vow “I’m never letting myself get bullied again, I’m gonna stand up to them next time.” Maybe, to complete a mission, one of your characters has to dress up in a way they find silly and/or demeaning, and after they finish said mission they tell their team they’ll never do it again. Maybe someone kisses their crush (or, if you want to make it even spicier, the enemy) even though they’re not supposed to, and says they won’t do it again.

This prompt doesn’t just have to apply to someone who found a situation unpleasant. You could write about someone running from themselves. Perhaps someone is afraid of their own powers—like Aang in the “The Deserter” episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender, vowing he’s never going to Firebend again. I think a number of artists will at one point say, out of fear, frustration, or disappointment, “I’ll never make art again.” when it’d be a very sad thing if they truly didn’t. You could create lots of interesting juxtapositions with this: like a healer vowing not to heal people anymore, because they’re only taken for granted. A ghost vowing to never haunt again because they’ll never be noticed. A villain vowing never to do another evil thing because they believe they’ve changed. 

Along this line…just because someone says they’ll never do something again doesn’t mean they truly won’t. This is where things fall into a more realistic and tragic category. Someone who’s addicted to a substance might say “I’ll never smoke again” or “I’ll never drink again” when you know…they probably will. An abusive person might say “I’ll never hurt you again,” …but you know it’s another tactic to keep you from running. Someone who’s abused—or in any sort of relationship that’s not right for them—might say “I’ll never run back to them” but you know they’ll pick up the phone when they call. 

This prompt touches on our core nature. Sometimes people can say this phrase and really mean it, and truly follow through. But I think more often than anything when we say we won’t do something again we’re trying to change ourselves, convince ourselves…and usually that doesn’t work. Usually we haven’t addressed the deeper issue that keeps us going back to that bad habit, or bad person. 

My challenge for you is to once again take inspiration from your own life. Think about a time when you said “I’m never doing that again” and what happened following. Did you follow through on that promise? Or was it said in a moment of emotion, not really meant? Or did you really mean it, but didn’t follow through? You can use your own life in a variety of ways. You could write an account of the event; you could end the story in a different way than it did in reality; you could use the event/promise as inspiration for a fiction entirely different from the situation it was born from. [And if you do use your own life you can add (Based on a True Story) or (Inspired by a True Story) to your title].

Get out there and get writing. I hope you got all that, because I won’t be saying it again.

—Pearce, Paul, Kaylie, & Derek

—

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least five stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Use two paragraph breaks between each paragraph so that they have a proper space between them (press “enter” or “return” twice).
    6. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
    7. No additional text styling (such as italics or bold text). Do not use asterisks, hyphens, or any other symbol to indicate whether text should be bold, italic, or styled in any other way. CAPS are okay, though.

  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new; no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).

  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Be constructive and uplifting. These submissions are not for a professional market, and shouldn’t be treated as such. We do this, first and foremost, for the joy of the craft. Help other writers to feel like their work is valuable, and be considerate and gentle with critique when you offer it. Authors who leave particularly abrasive or disheartening remarks on this post will be disqualified from selection for readings.
    6. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    7. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    8. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.

Comments

133 responses to “Writing Group: I’m Never Doing That Again”

  1. Maxer4000 Avatar
    Maxer4000

    The extend of stupidity
    by Maxer4000

    [Excerpt from Diamond Snake Corp code of conduct manual, section Jeff]

    Due to the many offences made by operator Jeff, the Council has made a dedicated section for him to clear out the named rule clutters

    1. While it’s an unwritten rule that we at DS only care about an individual’s attributions and not their race, ethnicity nor gender. Making rude or demoralizing remarks about the 3 previous traits that can affect the employee’s efficiency is now punishable by the offended party removing one tooth off the offender’s mouth. If the offender is Jeff, the offended is free to take as many of his teeth to satisfy themself.

    2. Titano Boa Emerald Eye has a history of straining himself from work to the point of developing health issues, some of which including him passing out from exhaustion on his work desk (AKA he works harder than you, JEFF). Hence the medical department mandates him to take 3 months a year break to prevent him from bodily failures. Any remarks such as calling him “lazy old bum” will warrant a beat down from our founder and leader.

    Addendum: Emerald Eye, sir, you are no longer allow to shove brooms up his private.

    3. Honestly we’re stopping the formality at this point. It’s obvious when everyone is doing their best to be kind toward top operator Luna Fang means we’re really meant not to piss him off. HE IS NOT A DOORMAT, Jeff. You’re expected to clean up your blood stains off the floor and wall within 3 days. We will not take excuses. The reason we’re writing this down here so the newcomers know what’s not to do.

    Reply
  2. V3RU5 Avatar
    V3RU5

    Requests vs wishes
    By Vera

    “You have to be joking” I exclaimed, when a squadron of fighters appeared on my screens, and opened fire breaking at least half a dozen laws in the process.
    “Just shoot them, you’re ruthless like that” my passenger yelled. I rolled my eyes as I realised why they payed extra for having me. A barbarian bodyguard was still cheaper than an assassin.

    I checked our status. My shields were holding up nicely. Minmaxing my ship for defense meant that I could sit out the duration of the assignment, ignore the assassins pounding on my shields and hand over my passenger to the court in time for his testimony. No shenanigans needed.

    However, something irked me about my passenger. Maybe the look he gave me when I picked him up at the police station. Or maybe his dismissive behaviour when I offered him a handshake. Or his threat to pay less if I turn out to be born in a dome.

    I checked my screens again. I turned towards the farthest from us and accelerated, turning the fight into a game of high speed chicken. I barely passed the first fighter, when my target lost his courage and broke formation. I just kept flying straight, leaving behind three confused assassin wannabes.

    “You couldn’t have just shot them?”
    “I’m not being payed to kill.”
    With a loud clank, a wallet landed on the console.
    “Whatever you need for shooting down those, just take it”
    I picked up the wallet and handed it back.
    “Even if you payed me enough to buy weapons and a workshop to install them, I don’t have any free mounts. They’re all occupied by my shields and the additional hull layer”
    I’m sure my passenger wanted to give me a piece of his mind over my design. However, us being here with barely a dent, shields barely even scratched proved my point.

    “We’re unarmed” he whispered once he managed to reclaim his voice.
    “Don’t worry, if this assignment pays enough for my final exam, I’m never doing this again”

    Reply
  3. Joe Avatar
    Joe

    Delusion of Grandeur

    By Joe

    It started when I was told of my birthright, and took hold when the crown touched my head…this overwhelming delusion of grandeur. Everything tied to this ornament on my head became mine, as did everyones services. Soldiers, advisors, cooks, maids, butlers, and all these villagers providing resources to my thriving kingdom.

    But above all was the properties. One in particular upholding the power of my kingdoms wealth. A mine wherein lies a sea of treasure buried within the earth, which I used to procure dashing baubles. Many worked and died endlessly to retrieve the treasure, and I had no qualm for their lives.

    I learned that after war took the land over the mines influence. Once, marching out of the city to the battlefield, I saw a father grasp their loved ones hands as they passed by, then let go when he was too far to reach. There was a light flutter in me that added a reason for fighting this war. Once we’ve won, I will make sure that family will be taken care of.

    But in the midst of battle, I fell unconcious between two horses and awoke to the aftermath. Climbing weakly over one of the horses, I scanned over what was left of my army. All massacred and in pieces. The father I had hoped to survive fell. And my crown was now a trinket.

    I picked myself up and put the trinket on my head, and with no more to rule I wandered through the land of my loss. No, not mine. Theirs! They had a fool for a ruler that learned to care too late.

    My hubris and my guilt led me to a cliffs edge where I was cornered by my enemy. Their king demeaned me with his pompous stare, as he demanded to give up the crown.

    I glared a silent rage of failed integrity, and spoke my last words that unsettled the new ruler.

    “Your delusion was mine. If you care not for them, it will undo you…and they will haunt you.”

    Then I jumped to end my delusion of grandeur.

    Reply
    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Let me start by saying one thing – that first paragraph is incredibly powerful, and I will come back to it again. It is great to establish the whole theme of the story, and to discuss on the bizarre nature of absolute power – or of any power whose scale just became so grand one can’t even see oneself as occupying the same world as other humans (which certainly is a problem that affects a lot of very powerful and terrible people today, in this system that mostly seems at odds with monarchies, but has absolutely no problem with tyrannies of the corporate and financial kind).

      I really like how the whole narrative seems a bit dispassionate. It relates to a change of heart and mind, but it is described in past tense and the language employed makes it very analytical – perhaps even a bit cynical of the whole journey and of the narrator as he was before. Which is incredibly fitting considering where we would end up with, and the whole theme being developed.

      It feels almost like walking through a diorama, seeing the scenes at a distance. There is care and craft in how each piece is put there, but also a kind of distance that gives an strange and interesting effect.

      But there are some elements that are a little bit strange to me. One of them is not exactly a problem of the story, but of the constraints we deal with here. This is one of those in which the pacing seem a bit at odds with the development. The narrative makes a lot of sense and progresses well, but there is a hint of “not yet enough for this change”. Surely, there is just so much we can do with the word limit, and here the word limit really makes it very difficult to adjust to a pacing that must be somewhat deep and slow in its realization for the whole idea to be properly accepted. But that’s, as said, the problem we all deal with when trying to write for these prompts.

      The other thing is more of a strange choice – which may be a commentary on something, but it is still a bit odd. That last bit where the old king speaks to the new conqueror sounds a bit strange. Either his reading of his downfall is a lot more poetic and moral than it appears to be through his own record, or there is something that should be better conveyed in there. At least to my eyes, the reason he was undone was not his lack of care (although that certainly is a problem, that does not appear through the story as the thing that makes the battle be lost… which seems to be the result of just military superiority by another tyrant). The lesson he tries to imbue is a great one, but it does not seem to resonate all that much with his own downfall. It sounds more like he now perceiving that was all for just baubles – but then, he seems to have perceived that just before the final battle, when we are presented the image of the father saying his goodbyes to his loved ones.

      So that bit either diminishes a bit the impact of the whole message, or is a commentary (and I’m not sure if it would be a commentary on how the powerful can only understand – and even then, only partially – their folly when brought low, or on how the gaining of moral knowledge and the ascension to rule seems to almost always walk in opposite directions).

      Very thought provoking, regardless. And let me just come back to it once more: that first paragraph is just incredibly well-crafted. I really like the whole story, but that small bit is the part I find myself coming back to.

      Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
  4. Makokam Avatar
    Makokam

    The Illusion of Control (Chronicles of The Dragon)
    By Makokam

    Scribe and Jostica held tightly to Jonathan as scales fell from his body, disintegrating in the wind. His burning eyes faded to slits of flame. His tension eased, but did not leave completely.

    “Let go,” he growled, shrugging out of their grasp. “I have to go. Scribe’s power won’t hold me for long.” He took one step then leapt off into the distance.

    Jostica started to pursue, but then her shoulders drooped. She turned to Scribe. “Guess I should get you back.” And teleported them away.

    Ultima glowered at Sol, pushing herself up, wincing. “I’m going home, getting a shower, then I’m going to sleep for thirty-two hours.”

    “You should go to the medi-” Sol started, but she flew off.

    Alone, Sol stood at the edge of the deep crater he’d made attempting to restrain Jonathan Rose, The Dragon. He heaved a sigh before his strength faded, and he slowly lowered himself to the ground. He coughed, feeling something running down his throat. He sniffed. And down his face. He sniffed again before lifting his mask up, wiping the blood from his nose.

    It had been a long time since his powers had caused him mental strain. Even longer since that strain became physical.

    The last time he’d had to hold The Dragon back, they’d been in a crumbling, burning, city. He’d chosen to let go and save the civilians instead. But how many more had The Dragon gone on to kill?

    If he’d held on, could the others have taken it down? Could any of them have really done anything to it? Just now he’d been pushing his limits to hold it down, and it’d kept getting back up. He hadn’t even been fully transformed this time.

    He wiped away another trickle of blood.

    Did he ever have it under control? Was he only telling himself he’d let it go?

    They needed a plan. A way to stop him for sure if Jonathan ever lost it again.

    Repositioning his mask, he stood up.

    And maybe a way to stop Ultima, if she kept picking fights with him.

    Reply
    1. C. M. Weller Avatar
      C. M. Weller

      Aw yes! I love it when a powered character sprains themself or over-exherts themself, then has a nosebleed or flat-out faints. It’s one of my favourite tropes.

      At least Jonathan knew he was trouble and decided to get out of dodge, so to speak. When he had control, he got away from causing harm.

      Seems to me that the circumstances surrounding the loss of control should be isolated and prevented. For everyone’s mental health and safety.

      Reply
  5. himaji Avatar
    himaji

    A last one (Inspired by true events)
    by himaji

    A thunderstorm roared outside, light music was playing and the lighting dimmed. We were alone, which happened a lot more often in recent times.

    It wasn’t unusual for us to lay here, in her bed. We had done it since we were seven and now, nine years later we still loved this bed like we did on the first day, but this evening was different than the others. Tomorrow she would go, leave me here in this village, and start a new life abroad. We weren’t doing much, just talking. About what she would do or how it would be going to an international school where she had to speak English all the time and as our time came to an end I felt that we both got sadder by the minute.

    The farewell was heavy on us. I looked up from our notes and I noticed a tear flowing down her cheek and dripping onto the sheets. Another one came and I reached forward, carefully wiping it from her face with my thumb. Embarrassed she looked down, attempting to hide her tears which now came in thickening streams. Trying to calm her, I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly, swaying her slightly and encouraging her. “Y-You know, I will miss you so much, I- I just c-can’t imagine my life w-without you.” she sobbed, hiding her face on my shoulder. “I know”, I sighed, “I feel the same way.”

    Out of the blue, I felt something wet touching my lips. Surprised I opened my eyes. There she was, my best friend, my one and only, Vi, kissing me, tears still dripping from her eyes but her lips pressing against mine, tentatively at first, then fiercely and firmly. In that kiss, I could feel it all. The sorrow. The pain. Her regrets. I froze, but then returned her kiss, carefully but with no less passion. After what felt like an eternity, she gently broke the kiss.

    “I’m sorry.” She looked at me uncertainly, “I… I should’ve done it earlier… Now I’m never doing that again.”

    Reply
  6. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    Not Again (Life of Madness)
    by Lee Strangely

    Shiloh’s isolated house was remarkably well-kept, not to mention quite homely. It was oddly warm and welcoming, prepared for visitors despite being perched so far from them.

    From the kitchen Shiloh asked aloud, “Could I get you something to drink?” He waited for an answer as the glass in his hand grew heavier. “Maddy?” Once the water stopped running, he could only hear one sound.

    Thump-thump-thump-thump-thump…

    Shiloh peeked around the corner, “Maddy?”

    Thump-thump-thump-thump-thump…

    Even without her mud-stained hiking boots, her feet tapping on the old wood floor still dominated the room. Maddy though, didn’t really notice the sound. Unlike the rest of her, her head seemed almost statuesque, permanently entranced by the open window next to her.

    Thump-thump-thump-thump-thump…

    “Maddy?”

    “Oh, sorry,” she finally responded, her foot finally stopping, “no thank you.”

    “You alright?”

    “Alright? Yeah, yeah. Perfectly alright.”

    Without so much as a second of silence passing, Shiloh immediately heard another lighter tapping. Even though Maddy’s feet were still, her hand continued to rap away on the chair-arm.

    “Okay, I’ll bite,” Shiloh asked, “what’s your dad doing in the backseat of your car?”

    “I resurrected him.”

    “I noticed that… but why? I thought you hated him.”

    “I wanted to bring him back, so he can die again…”

    “Okay that makes more sense.”

    “Look I’m sorry; I’m basically barging in on you and dragging you into something all over again like before and…”

    “No, no you’re not. It’s fine. It’s okay, I don’t hold any of that against you. Your mother wasn’t there, you were emotional. It’s all fine. Honestly, I don’t deal with the dead anymore anyway…” Shiloh took a sip, “So what do you need help with?”

    “I need you to find Dad’s soul.”

    Shiloh choked.

    Reply
    1. himaji Avatar
      himaji

      hmm, a nice ending.

      I suppose the “I’m never doing that again” is portrayed by Shiloh who doesn’t want to do anything with the dead anymore. I like the characteristic tapping of maddys character, but I must admit I don’t really know what they want to do now -> that may be something good though, because you have a lot of hinted backstory here.

      Personally something about your dialog at the end feels off to me, especially this part
      ““Okay, I’ll bite,” Shiloh asked, “what’s your dad doing in the backseat of your car?”

      “I resurrected him.”

      “I noticed that… but why? I thought you hated him.”

      “I wanted to bring him back, so he can die again…”

      “Okay that makes more sense.””

      maybe you should be a little less direct here, just a thought though.

      Overall I think your stories is pretty good 🙂

      Reply
  7. Pumpkin Avatar
    Pumpkin

    Stranger danger
    By Pumpkin

    Have you ever found yourself in a situation without knowing how you even ended up there in the first place?

    All I did was try to impress a pretty face at the club and now I’m standing knee-deep inside the grave of some guy I don’t know.

    The night is dark, the only light coming from dollar-store flashlights.
    And I’m heaving up shovel loads of dirt.

    “How’s it going?” This asshole asks as he points his flashlight straight at my face almost blinding me. I never got his name.

    There are other onlookers around the hole.
    I wonder if it’s their usual tactic, just send the hot one to the bar and string some sap along that looks like he could dig a hole.

    Don’t like to make your own hands dirty.

    “I mean it goes faster if I can see, just point that thing down to the ground thanks.” I huff, but the beam of light does shift to my relief.

    I could just hit them with the shovel, probably.
    Make a run for it.
    And yet…
    I guess they also screen for curiosity.

    My shoulders jump as the shovel bounces off something hard.
    This is it then?

    I’m not the only one who heard it, around me are excited whispers.
    Suddenly I’m pulled out of the hole and the one who strung me along jumps down holding out a string with a crystal on the end. It circles mysteriously, then starts to glow.
    There are cheers, people jump in with tools to break open the lid.

    “Ever seen a dead guy before?” My questionable date asks while climbing out again.

    I nod “Grandad, but that was before they stuck him into the ground.”

    “I see.”

    “So what are you gonna do with him?”

    “Ask some questions, that’s all.”

    “How?”

    “Nothing you need to concern yourself about, unless you wanna stay and join up, that is?” That smile, it’s intoxicating.

    Be strong now “Actually, I think this is a one-off for me.”

    “No problem,”

    “Really?”

    “Yeah, you can just join this guy when we’re done. No hard feelings.”

    “Oh…uhm…fuck.”

    Reply
    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Let me just say that – I was already hooked at the second line break. And each new line just kept sinking it in.

      That was incredibly engaging. And just so much fun. Grimly so!

      I will be honest: when I read the first line, I was being too much of a smart-ass and I though you wouldn’t come with such an amazing answer (after all, I had the very simple and yet direct answer “yup, alive, how about that?” to it), but boy was I wrong. The whole setup and the way it is presented is great. This certainly took a turn for the macabre, and each new moment makes the scene more and more vivid (no pun intended).

      Is that last decision non-negotiable? I think the digging one could reconsider. All in all, we already know we are dealing with a curious person – and I believe there is a lot of curiosity to be sated in those “interviews”.

      And that kind of work can only do good to one’s muscles…

      Reply
  8. MasaCur Avatar
    MasaCur

    Hard Pass Next Time
    By MasaCur

    The tiny outboard motor chugged as the boat made its way slowly across the lake. At the rear of the boat, Erykah manned the tiller, guiding it around.

    Sonja looked around the moonlit locale. “So, you kept mentioning the Bear Lake monster on the way up here, but I can’t help but notice, we’re in Nevada.”

    “Yup,” Erykah replied.

    “And Bear Lake is in Utah.”

    “Uh huh. I think we’re dealing with a similar creature. Maybe some kind of prehistoric beast like a mosasaur. Or a primitive…dragon.”

    “Not all dragons are the same,” Sonja said. “An intelligent Draco sapien has about as much in common with a basilisk as a human does with a lemur.” She looked around the lake. “So the plan is to just motor about on the lake all night until we find it?”

    Erykah shrugged sheepishly. “Well, we are towing around the hind quarter of a cow. Hopefully that attracts it. I was thinking about hooking up a fishing sonar, but there’s always the chance that that could also drive it away.”

    Sonja blinked. “So, not really a plan then. Any idea about how long…”

    She was cut off as the boat suddenly jerked backwards. It started to reverse, and the motor was smoking. Erykah shut it off and pulled it out of the water.

    The rope holding the bait snapped and the two women stared at one another.

    “We should get going,” Erykah said.

    Sonja opened her mouth, but couldn’t say anything as a dark mass emerged from the water, engulfed the front half of the boat, and swallowed it, Sonja included.

    Erykah tried to prepare a spell as the remainder of the boat started to sink.

    A large, crocodilian head emerged from the water, its mouth wide open. And it seemed to be gagging. It lifted its head, and she could see a growing mass in its throat. Suddenly, it exploded, spraying her in blood and guts. A flash of gold dove into the water.

    Seconds later, Sonja, now a golden dragon, emerged.

    “Next time, I’d rather not get eaten by the lake monster.”

    Reply
    1. Pumpkin Avatar
      Pumpkin

      Honestly fair
      I also wouldn’t want to get eaten by a lake monster ^^
      But I’m glad Sonja’s okay!
      I was worried for her for a bit 🙁
      I like how the dragon is like “there’s different dragons you know” it’s a nice touch, especially when reading back.
      I also like how they’re on a small boat, making the monster even more massive in comparison
      Well done ^^

      Reply
  9. DaLeen Avatar
    DaLeen

    Different (based on a true story) [cw: several mental health issues]
    By Taja DaLeen

    All I really want is something beautiful to say, a nice story to tell. But I’m not too sure mine is worth telling.

    But well, I’ll let you be the judge of that…

    I was a relatively normal child, I guess? But as a teen I started to notice I was different from other kids. And not the tropey “not like other girls” kind of different.

    My brain works differently. And especially my emotions do, by now I am actually diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

    Back then I didn’t know. I just wanted to be like everyone else, I tried to fit in, I really did. But nothing ever works out the way you want it to, no?

    Well, like I said, I didn’t fit in much growing up. And it felt like hell. I didn’t know what to do. All this suppressing my emotions, trying to be like everyone else, left me just feeling… nothing.

    Numb. Lifeless.

    So I ended up trying to feel alive the only way I knew how, by trying to feel pain.

    But even that didn’t work. My pain tolerance was, and still is, too high. No matter how many times I tried, it just left me feeling even more unnormal.

    I felt even more inhuman.

    There was a turning point eventually, though, after everything went downhill probably as much as possible without drifting from reality completely. After a time of not being able to sleep, or to eat, or to even breathe, I decided it was enough.

    I decided other people’s opinions weren’t worth this.

    I want to feel, to not hide my emotions but let it all out. So I did and do, bit by bit. And I’m getting better every day. I still try my best, but in a different way.

    I do my best just being myself, as much as I can. Some days it works better than others, but overall I’m ok.

    Sometimes I still care about other people’s opinions, but only ever that of friends.

    Sometimes I still feel depressed, and worthless, but overall I’m happy.

    Reply
    1. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      First of all, I’ll say this: This story is absolutely worth telling! It is engaging, emotional and the writing is beautiful. I am sorry you had to go through this experience, I can only wish you the best dealing with your disorder. Thank you for sharing this, as a person interested in mental disorders, this is really appreciated.

      Reply
    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I’ll echo the first words of Strong Berry: that’s a story that’s absolutely worth telling.

      This feels very different from what I’d expect from your writings. Not just because it is a different sort of story, but the way you tell it is different here. Your pieces are always very conversational, in a way, and this is also like that. But in a different way. I don’t know how I can express what I’m getting at…

      There is something of a feeling of proximity in this story that helps a lot in inviting us in getting what you are saying, in trying to understand the experience you went and go through. Even if it was not like that, it would make the story worth telling. And doing that, even more so. It helps us empathize. It has the capability of opening eyes for other experiences. And that is incredibly valuable.

      And it is great reading you are overall happy. I think there is something incredibly important in the sincerity that the line “Some days it works better than others, but overall I’m ok”. It does not paint things as simple or over, but also gives us a note of hope that is quite important.

      Thanks a lot for sharing it. I’m very impressed how this prompt seemed to call for that many stories that came from a personal experience (challenge being considered or not).

      Reply
    3. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      DaLeen, I’m glad I got a chance to read this, and I’m glad you had the courage to write it. As someone who quite likely has some undiagnosed neurodivergence himself, I can very much relate to a lot of this. And I’m glad you’ve come to accept this part of yourself and be happy with who and what you are.
      This line got me good: “No matter how many times I tried, it just left me feeling even more unnormal.” Not abnormal. Unnormal. I don’t know if this was intentional or not, but it really punctuated how different you felt at the time.
      Thank you so much for this submission.

      Reply
  10. Lila Mullen Avatar
    Lila Mullen

    The Void
    By Lila Mullen

    The stark blackness of the corridor stretches before me, devoid of all light.
    It seems to extend forever, becoming darker, more impenetrable as it grows longer, the exit moving further away with each breath, each thought from my troubled mind.

    The air feels frosty on my bare arms, seeming to suck away all of my heat, warmth, life.
    And the hallway, what seemed before to stretch so far into darkness condenses, becomes a room, a closet, a box, as the temperature lowers, ice forming on the walls, walls that are so close to my body now, barely an arm’s length from my fingertips.

    The hairs on my arms rise, bringing with them goosebumps, little ridges on me, the last, desperate, measure from my body to prevent me from freezing to death.
    How much longer will that be now?

    As my heartbeat slows, limbs growing weary from this tiny, cramped space, as does any hope of escaping this hell-like place, the room changes again, the form it takes rippling and moving under my feet as if it were an ocean, and I was trapped just under the surface, slowly drowning as I reach for the sky, only to be dragged back by the waves…
    into a well, a deep, rocky hole that smashes into my fragile body as I hit the bottom.

    The darkness surrounds me now, becoming thick as syrup, a deep, frigid void that contains none but myself.
    It’s only me in this shadowy realm, this place that seems to shift with each heartbeat.
    I’m slave to the will of the void.

    As I lie in that darkness, the emotions frozen by that winter hit me, like a slap to the face.
    They grip my mind with their iron hands, ripping into the hole in my chest as I clutch my head, sinking to the ground, the blizzard raging around me.

    And as I reach into the void, for something, anything to save me, a hand grips mine.
    And pulls me out of the darkness.
    Into reality.
    I feel a sense of relief.
    The void is gone.

    I hope.

    Reply
    1. nice-day Avatar
      nice-day

      Thank you for writing this. The imagery is striking. I won’t presume to know the true intention behind the words, but it puts me in mind of depression. An endless, dark corridor. The cold, claustrophobic numbness as the world seems to close in. And the light in the form of those who are there to help, as long as you can find the strength to reach out.

      I guess the ‘never again’ theme is present in the desire never to return to the abyss.

      Excellent, affecting work.

      Reply
    2. Pumpkin Avatar
      Pumpkin

      Oh this one has some very striking imagery!
      I love the comparison to drowning and winter and frozen emotions.
      I feel like this piece perfrectly captures the way depression feels, a sense of indifference and a loss of joy and meaning. Feeling powerless and isolated with nowhere to go.

      I’m glad the POV character had someone reaching out to them hinting at a happy ending ^^

      This story’s really good, keep up the good work ^^

      Reply
    3. himaji Avatar
      himaji

      I don’t really know how to express what I am feeling when I read this story but I’ll try to do my best.

      First thing I can say is that it really took me somewhere. It made me feel like what your Character felt. This hopeless feeling, no way out, your body slowly giving up. I really liked the pacing of the story as well.

      Really atmospheric story overall, I liked it!

      Reply
  11. Iskritt Avatar
    Iskritt

    Testing the Limits (Reality Itself)

    By: Iskritt

    Life looked calmly at the small, peacefully uninhabited planet floating through space, its neighboring planets and stars swirling around in mesmerizing patterns. She often enjoyed bathing in the beauty of Space’s handiwork, but that was not what she was here to do.

    It had been a while since Life had truly experimented with their power. They had so much potential, why not see what happened if they used all of it?

    Life focused all of their attention towards the planet, smiling as its gray surface was gradually overcome with a green floor of vegetation. In no time at all, animals of every shape and size began roaming the surface. It was simple, but Life enjoyed the transformation.

    “What are you doing?” Death asked, suddenly appearing on the other side of the planet.

    “Shut up. I’m focusing.” Life said. Death must have felt the new presence of life and come to…collect.

    “Whatever.” Death said. “I’ll just watch. This looks interesting.”

    Life re-directed their attention to the planet, watching the plants grow taller and stronger as the animals grew smarter and more versatile. Life watched the planet flourish as every inch of the planet became covered with life. Then it went wrong.

    Life watched as the life began to consume itself, its diversity and strength aiding itself but breaking everything around it. Life saw Death smile as Life redoubled their efforts, urging more life forward, only for the new life to worsen the old life’s condition. Slowly, life faded completely, and the planet once again became a gray husk.

    Life sighed. “That was pointless.”

    Death nodded. “Pretty much.”

    “You didn’t cause that, did you?”

    Death shrugged. “I didn’t have to. I certainly enjoyed it though.”

    “Of course you did.”

    “You should do that again.”

    “Just to spite you, I won’t.”

    “Awwww, come on! It was so fun!”

    “Yah? Well why don’t you try it?” Life challenged.

    Death looked down at itself, before turning to the planet contemplatively.

    “Nah.”

    “But it will be so fun!” Life said sarcastically.

    “For you maybe. I’m not looking to put in that much effort.”

    Reply
    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      Unfathomable divine powers altering the fabric of the universe, in a laugh out loud comedy… I really enjoyed this piece, it had a fun fantastical premise, character’s with an enjoyable dynamic, and an overall funny story. Their dynamic to me gives off vibes similar to Stanz and Venkman in Ghostbusters: One of them being very into their work (no matter how bad or goofy it may look to others) and the other having a dry sarcastic wit to them that that can come at the other’s expense. This was fun read, great job!

      Reply
  12. Fog Wall Avatar
    Fog Wall

    “Entry-level Escapades”
    By:Fog Wall

    “This’s insane!” Shouting wasn’t helping, since the whipping winds stole my voice. The speed we were rocketing through the sky at was terrifying! I’d always been a fan of graviton cyclone racers, but if someone had told me that I’d be on one, hugging a satyr for dear life…

    Heeh. Dear. She’s part deer.

    That thought made me smile. In spite of the actions we’ve taken, the numorous crimes Koalle coaxed me into, I was smiling. Excited. Exilerated.

    The crescendo of sirens reuniting behind us made Koalle dip below the traffic, dropping our speed and flipping us sideways as our momentum carried us around the corner and across the open street. Looking down at the building we skirted against, I could see the bottom of our ride reflecting in the glossy, black windows.

    My heart skipped a beat as Koalle glanced down at our reflection and gave me a wink.

    Flipping the bike over, we left the biulding and our momentum carried us out, and as the bike came back below us, the anti-gravity caught us twenty feet above the ground. “Here we go!” She laughed in hysteria. Gunning it, She weaved between signs and screens, flashing neon and concrete walkways.

    With a swift grace, Koalle brought us to a near stop, spinning us to the side and lining us up with a narrow alleyway. She revved the engine, launching us through that passage. Zipping through several blocks, she brought us to a slower stop.

    We landed in a small courtyard where a young cherry blossom tree grew between the spires of Strundal.

    She glanced back at me. “Good work; you stayed on.” Her praise didn’t register, but her cold fingers gently touching my forearm brought me back. “It’s okay, you can let go now.”

    “Oh, uh… right.” I broke my clinched grip and leaned back. “I’m never riding with you again.”

    “Good luck in your next escape,” she told me. Leaning back into me, her hands on my knees, she pressed down and kicked off the bike, landing gracefully with a hand offered. “Welcome to my home.”

    Reply
    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      I think this piece best be described in one word: fun. Just fun. It’s quite literally a fun ride, following alongside interesting and likable personalities. I really like how the characters’ personalities match up with how they’re depicted/introduced: we see everything we need to know about the girl by her few bits of direct dialogue and her overall excited reactions to the situation; while the narrator comes off as more introverted, and thus we learn more about him through his own internal thoughts on the situation. Overall, great job on this!

      Reply
  13. Oliver Enslad Avatar
    Oliver Enslad

    Puff Puff Pufferfish (Based on a True Story)
    by Oliver Enslad

    Dolphins use pufferfish to get into a trance-like state. There are other animals that do this of course, but what makes the dolphin so special and unique was that it was the first time I’ve heard of self poisoning being natural. That was my excuse.

    Every now and again, thanks to a great poet, I fantasize of an alien planet where it’s not just poisoning but a way of life. Each and every bug eyed, grey skinned humanoid puffing smoke into the air around them with wide smiles and no sense of sinister intents. I believed that the reason why we wouldn’t encounter a planet more advanced than us is because they’ve found the solution to world peace.

    Those I love, however, do not share in my beliefs. Maybe it is a delusion, a symptom of my own madness that I believed I was okay. Those I love frown when smoke leaves my lungs, despite my wide smile. They don’t wish to partake and that’s okay. They wish I would stop, and I’m still not sure if that’s okay.

    Perhaps my greatest struggle is a lack of understanding. I don’t understand how they’re happy without any poison in their system. Whether it was alcohol, nicotine or even marijuana I was always hooked on a vice. What was a harmless sip, what was a joint at a party, what was a relaxing tradition turned into daily, no, hourly habit at my worst. It kept the nightmares away.

    I’ve since attempted sobriety on two occasions, the present being the third. The nightmares are distant, but the cravings are near and strong. Maybe I’ll be taken to that advanced planet one day, or better yet I’ll learn how to control my habits. For those I love, I’ll stop.

    Reply
    1. Xavier21 Avatar
      Xavier21

      You seems to have strong opinion regarding drugs, smoking, and alcohol hahaha.

      From writing perspective, I can’t give you much critique because this is based on true event and probably a personal one. Maybe if you want to, I can give you as soon as you reply this comment. Also, i can give you my POV on drugs, weeds, and alcohol that maybe (just maybe) can change the way you view addictive substances, that is if you want to.

      Btw, the way you write this story is pretty and amazing, in a sense that there is wonder in your story even though it uses minimalistic description.

      Reply
      1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
        Oliver Enslad

        I would love your opinion on addictive substances, and I appreciate the final paragraph of your response mostly! I will be honest, this one was a short story straight from the heart because I had trouble thinking of what else I would “never again” attempt. Any critique is welcome, as I often enjoy your stories too!

        Reply
        1. Xavier21 Avatar
          Xavier21

          First of all, I don’t like addictive substances because of several things. For me, since I was raised in a culture where addictive substances are shun completely, I view it as something that shouldn’t be doing. They view addictive substances as a sin and unhealthy for your body and mind. For me, the way I see it, is that addictive substances only create artificial happiness. Why go get real girls if you can watch porn, why face your problem if you can have alcohol, why self reflect if you have weed… just be happy, and have nothing in real world. Live happily, die happily, no memories of good times with friends, family, or community, just use weed, smoke, alcohol, and porn. Have nothing, not even memories, and be happy.

          From writing perspective, I think this is miss opportunity to actually tell your story rather than only your thoughts. For me a story needs to have a plot, not just characters or settings. I don’t see a plot in this story. You can assimilate the first and second paragraph to a conversation between you and your close friend/family, so that at least you can tell that this story is about “A son who disagree with his parent regarding addictive substances through examples at nature itself like the dolphin and puffer fish” (this of course just an example). You can explore many things such as:

          -why the son don’t understand that addictive substances is bad through the dialogue between him and his parent (third and forth paragraph).

          -why the parent doesn’t understand the son’s perspective regarding addictive substances through the dialogue and man more such as belief, personal history, etc. i am sure you know a thing or two on why they think the way they are, maybe they have a friend who have chronic cancer because of alcohol, or they themself actually an ex-addict that don’t want their son to fall on the same path, and many more.

          -how the son promise to his parent that he/she will attempt sobriety after the conversation only at the end to fail on two occasion to do so (last paragraph).

          – and many more…

          The key here is ability to abstract, that is, ability to absorb real life experience and assimilate it into your story in the most natural way possible. For ex: you have someone you hate, and you want to make her a villain. You don’t just copy paste the entire bad things that you don’t like about her in to a character, don’t you? You have to either exaggerate, understate, add new things, or erase things about her personality so that it fits in the story as a character on her (or even his) own without compromising the story that you want to tell. So that she feels as if she belong in the story (and not just copy paste of the person).

          For now, your story is just your reasoning on why addictive substances is harmless, an essay disguise as a story. of course if we go this route, you need to erase your tag on “Based on a True Story”, but still at least you have a coherent story.

          Reply
          1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
            Oliver Enslad

            I appreciate the long and thorough response! I definitely am more accustomed to poetry writing than story writing, so I can see how my bad habits of making a personal essay fleshed out here. I definitely need to take more time to adapt what you’ve said into a better story, but either way I’m still beyond happy for your criticism! Thank you so much for taking the time to elaborate things out to me and giving me a few examples to draw inspiration from!

            Reply
    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This narrative reminds me of one of the best essays on psychoactive use of them all: Aldous Huxley’s Heaven and Hell (which is often found paired with The Doors of Perception). If you hadn’t read it, I highly recommend it. But the thing is… we always had the need for artificial paradises. It seems likely that humanity had drug users before we had agriculture.

      So, yeah, not just the dolphins.

      I could linger in a whole discussion on this debate, but I will refrain from it and focus on the narrative as writing. I think there are elements in it that are quite engaging, and you manage to present some situations and feelings in a way that can be empathized on. The nightmares, and wanting to be free of them (even if just for a moment) is something once can really understand – and presenting it in the way you present (specially with the whole discussion before, about understanding the perspective of others of not being in the same place, but not knowing if their reasoning – from that other place- should also apply to you) puts the whole thing in an interesting perspective.

      That being said… I don’t know about your ending. Feels too rushed. Maybe you couldn’t do with another message, maybe there was no other way of wrapping it all up, but it seems too abrupt. As story, it does not work. And as part of the argument, it feels a bit strange. Though that is me reading it on the merits of the writing. How you feel about the whole thing is another matter entirely, and I won’t criticize on that.

      Anyway, thanks for sharing!

      Reply
      1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
        Oliver Enslad

        I appreciate your comments! I feel bad for how strongly my own views came out, but rereading I’m in agreement with you on how it came out as a story. I’m not sure if it rings more memoir or poetic, but I appreciate you pointing out the flaws in my ending. I have difficulty ending writings, and I’m going to have to learn how to better wrap things up. I appreciate your comment so much, thank you!

        Reply
    3. Norman Gray Avatar
      Norman Gray

      I recently heard it said that ‘trauma is the real gateway drug’, and for me it rings true though I know there are exceptions.

      I’m coming up on four years sober… By no means was it easy. In fact a few times along the way I’d giving up trying, thinking it was impossible. But every short stretch of sobriety taught me something new about myself, and the nature of addiction, before an inevitable relapse. A three months stretch of sobriety made me realize how much more difficult it would be than I previously knew… During a seven month stretch, I started having reoccurring dreams of just casual drinking, so mundane and so frequent that I was no longer sure if they were even dreams at all…

      By the time I relapsed after those seven months, my alcohol tolerance had become so bad that there was no solace left at the bottom of a bottle; drinking would make me feel sick faster than it made me feel drunk. That was the beginning of the end of it for me, when drinking couldn’t help me escape any longer. When there was no pleasure to be had before the inevitable pain.

      I’ve distanced myself from drinking, and now it feels strange to think that it was ever a part of my personality. I’m by no means past my traumas, and I know myself well enough to not even get started down other substance ‘rabbit holes’ for fear of just how far I’d go down them, but I can’t imagine myself ever drinking again. I do believe I’ve well and truly beaten it.

      But during these four years, I’ve found that my brain is wired in such a way that if I quit one vice, I’ll seamlessly transition to the next before I’ve even realized I’ve done it. I haven’t moved onto anything too horrible mind you, just the usual culprits; doom scrolling, gaming, junk food… When you’re wired for escapism and problem avoidance, there are loads of easy ways to run from your problems. So, I have to try and find more productive vices, hobbies to occupy my mind that that are more than just mindless indulgence, something I can invest time in and gain some useful skills… Work has also been an escape for me, weirdly enough, always giving me at least a meagre sense of purpose and a distraction.

      Keep at it, but be patient with yourself. It took me several tries to kick booze, but every attempt I lasted longer than the previous, and each attempt helped me further understand the problem, and understand myself. I think that is ultimately the key: Understanding oneself, and your own nature.

      Reply
  14. nice-day Avatar
    nice-day

    Mud
    by nice-day

    The mud here was all wrong. Not like home at all. It slid between Thomas’s fingers as he dug them into the Earth. There was no grind of sand, no stink of sea and sewage. Just the smell of earth and dead leaves, and of spilled blood cooling in the Autumn chill.

    Thomas glanced right. The corpse was still there, stiletto protruding from the eye slit of the helmet. He looked away quickly to the spot where he’d dropped his bow. The string was soaked. Useless. The Gaffer was going to bloody kill him.

    Thomas giggled. A fraught little sound lost amid the laughter and the clatter of plate armour as the other bowmen picked over the dead. How daft to worry about the Gaff’s temper when he’d just broken one of The Lord’s highest laws!

    Down the hill, the village of Agincourt sulked among the trees. The mean little settlement seemed miles away, a smudge on the horizon beyond a sea of flesh and arrow shafts that steamed gently in the weak sunlight.

    How many of those arrows were his? How many had Thomas already killed by the time he’d slid his blade into the eye of that helpless knight, and heard the man’s final breath escape his body in a long, thin sigh? Nock, draw, release. Nock, draw, release. Each time Thomas’s arrow one among thousands, lost as soon as it left his fingers. Not needing that steady pressure to drive it home.

    A single sob broke from Tommy’s lips. Never again. He’d never kill again. The next church he came to he’d throw himself down at the altar and beg forgiveness. Swear before God and all His saints never to take another life. Put himself in The Lord’s service if he had to. But he would never, ever, kill again.

    A shout went up. The Gaffer’s voice ringing sharp as the drizzle began to descend. Grumbling, the other bowmen began the long trudge uphill, spoils in hand.

    Thomas took up his bow and dragged himself up from the mud to follow his comrades.

    He didn’t look back.

    Reply
    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      There is something in this story that I really love is how ambiguous most things here seem to be. Did Thomas follow through his resolution? Was he not looking back an imaging of him leaving his past as warrior behind, or is it a symbol that he was, after that moment, once again following the troop and grew cold that what he had done?

      Then, there is also the juxtaposition on the rules on war and the laws of god. One should not kill, but a soldier must be ready to kill. And Thomas knew that, before seeing the corpse he produced. How many have he killed, before realizing in close combat that he might have killed?

      I love how those questions drip from the narrative, and how the whole experience seems like an effort in trying to find oneself in a moment of crisis – and that it is not resolved. Maybe, not for Thomas. Certainly, not for the reader.

      Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
  15. Sage Evergreen Avatar
    Sage Evergreen

    A Cat’s Journey to the Underworld

    His paws treaded the black marble floor as they had done 6 times before. If he looked down he could see the glassy reflection of himself staring back at him, overcast by the golden candelabras that were the only light in this otherwise never ending darkness.

          He knew what was at the end of this long hallway and who he would meet. It wasn’t long before he came upon the tall black podium, accentuated with gold at the edges. The figure that normally stood there had his back turned to him, but as soon as he noticed his arrival, he turned around with a quickness as if he had done this 100 times. He still had his reading glasses on from looking over papers and muttering to himself, he put these on the desk with a “clack” that sounded into the abyss.

           “Mr. Whiskers.” He said in a voice that was deep, mysterious, but soothing.
    “Anubis” Mr. Whiskers replied back.
    “Back again? This is what? Your 7th life? Let’s see… cause of death was…” he paused for a moment, picked up his reading glasses to make sure what he was reading was correct. He placed them back down on the table. It was correct. “Ah. What a way to find out you have an allergy to,” he paused again. “Peanuts.”
    “Yeah, I know, right? Peanuts. Who knew?”
    “Apparently, not you.”

    Mr. Whiskers chuckled. “Yeah, I won’t be licking out of an open peanut butter jar again. Would you mind sending me back though now, Anub? I got a family waiting on me to come back.” Anubis leaned over his desk, glaring down at the black cat, his figure casting a large shadow over him. “Yes. I will send you back. Don’t call me Anub.” He sat back, “it sounds ridiculous.” Then Anubis waved his hand in the air in a circular motion, and Mr. Whiskers woke up with his family stroking him, making his fur wet with tears of relief. It was good to be home

    Reply
    1. Mop Avatar
      Mop

      What a charming story! I think the premise is quite charming (I’m a sucker for cats I suppose). Related to this, I like the choice of Anubis rather than a generic Grim Reaper, I assume you picked it due to the whole “Cats VS Dogs” thing. I love the imagery too, it’s very lush and grand, you do a swell job at depicting this Underworld from what little we see of it.

      Reply
      1. Sage Evergreen Avatar
        Sage Evergreen

        I hadn’t written for a very long time and you calling my piece charming warmed my heart.

        Reply
    2. Pumpkin Avatar
      Pumpkin

      Oh that’s sweet ^^
      I like how this story plays with the atmosphere, starting off all mysterious before quickly becoming humoristic and ending on a nice heart warming note.

      “Yeah, I know, right? Peanuts. Who knew?”
      “Apparently, not you.”

      That’s my favourite line XD

      I also like the cat is called Mr. Whiskers, it just adds a nice touch ^^

      Keep up the good work ^^

      Reply
      1. Sage Evergreen Avatar
        Sage Evergreen

        I do love comedy, some people say it’s the lowest form of art, but I love seeing people laugh and smile!

        Reply
    3. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Ouch, cultural differences made me had a very different anticipation on where this story was going to go than I think most would have! Where I come from, we don’t say that cat’s have nine lives – for some reason, our saying is that they have seven… so, knowing he was walking that hallway and meeting Anubis for the seventh time, I was really expectant of a somewhat bittersweet ending where Anubis would remind Mr. Whiskers that his lives were all spent…

      And I’m so glad it was not so!

      This was a very interesting story. And coming from the perspective of a cat that has walked the hallways of the waiting room for the afterlife made it very surprising. The premise is just adorable, and the idea of a cat having familiarity with the judge of the dead is kind of funny.

      Really nice one. Thanks for sharing it!

      Reply
      1. Sage Evergreen Avatar
        Sage Evergreen

        I don’t know what to say you guys have been incredibly sweet! Thank you! Yes, I really like writing cute things sometimes! The idea came when I couldn’t sleep one day haha.

        Reply
  16. Strong Berry Avatar
    Strong Berry

    The Lonely Curse (Inspired by real life)
    By Strong Berry

    I have a confession to make. I am cursed. Not to turn into a wolf every full moon or with endless blood lust. No, mine is much more boring in comparison and much too real.

    The curse isn’t something you can see, but it’s a part of me. It’s in my eyes, in my ears, in my mind. The best way I’ve heard to describe it’s effects to those of you fortunate enough to not posses it is this: Imagine all humans on Earth play a big, complex game. Everyone is given a rule book at birth, including you, except yours is… different. Yet you’re still expected to play by the rules everyone else has. You try your best, but sometimes… your best just isn’t enough to win.

    This is why, though I wanted to, I didn’t have almost any friends. They other kids started to pick on the strange kid who acts weirdly, is overly sensitive, prone to crying, and what would later become the most important thing, doesn’t react. I didn’t understand why it happened. I didn’t hurt them. I learned that telling the teachers would not stop it, nor will fighting back.

    So I decided I’m not going to give them any satisfaction. I kept completely silent.

    They teased me, stole my stuff, humiliated me and my only friend, convinced said friend to break the six year old bond we shared just so she can be “cool”, and when they would finally broke that calm facade… the laughter as the tears spilled from my eyes… I didn’t understand…

    Why?

    ———————————————————-

    This is my biggest regret from childhood. Keeping silent about everything. But you can’t change the past. You can only learn. I remember my first day at the new school I moved to, looking at all the fresh new faces, none of which knew my past, and feeling excited. I was given a second chance. So what if I’m cursed? That’s not going to stop me! After being silent for so long, the time has come…

    …to let out my voice.

    Reply
    1. nice-day Avatar
      nice-day

      Thank you for sharing that. I don’t imagine it was easy going back over those memories. It can be difficult to understand why others do the things that they do, but the beauty of writing is that it gives us a chance to get into the head space of others and try to work out what makes them tick.

      I hope you found catharsis in putting these thoughts into writing, and I am happy that you got a second chance!

      Reply
      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you for the kind words!

        Reply
    2. Xavier21 Avatar
      Xavier21

      Well, that’s how life isn’t it? Curse or no curse, you have to keep moving forward with your life and possibly finding someone you love and the one who loves you back. I am guessing that you have some sort of disability since you were born. My sympathy is for you.

      From writing perspective, I can’t give you much critique because this is a personal one. Maybe if you want to, I can give you my critique on story telling as soon as you reply this comment.

      Reply
      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you, and I would love to hear critique!

        Reply
        1. Xavier21 Avatar
          Xavier21

          For starters, this is a type of story that the audience need to know what the “curse” is, because this story makes the curse as the center of the plot. The bully bullies the main character because of the curse, the main character cry because of the curse (NOT because of the bully, if the main character doesn’t have the curse, then he/she doesn’t get bully), and even the main character change his/her mindset towards his/her curse at the end of the story. It’s hard to sympathize with the character if we don’t know what he/she struggle with/against? I think that’s the only thing that’s missing from the story. it does not matter when you choose to reveal the curse. It can be at the beginning or the end.

          -if you choose to reveal the curse at the beginning: This can hook the reader on the main character instantly and make your story have a more traditional structure. A type of story that you usually hear from real life people. For ex: the main character is poor, and therefor you explore the plot and character progression more flexible and openly. You only need to worry about what happen next to the main protagonist since the fact that he is poor has been revealed.

          -if you choose to reveal the curse at the end: this can make the story more suspenseful and have value on the audience rereading it. Readers can find hints on what the curse is through re-read, and it can make for a fun experience of reading, imagine like solving a puzzle. For ex: instead of telling an empowering end in your story, you can reveal slowly on what the curse is and what impact it has on your future life. I don’t like your empowerment at the end because for me it forces the reader to sympathize with the main character without an reason. once again, the reader doesn’t know what the curse is even when they finish the story, making it feels like we are rooting for the main character for nothing. I am not saying that you have to tell the reader on”what impact the curse has on your future life…” You can put anything you want in your ending, but you have to reveal what the curse one way or another (if you choose to reveal the curse at the end and not at the beginning).

          Reply
          1. Strong Berry Avatar
            Strong Berry

            Thank you for all this feedback! I feel like if I had more words to spare, I would definitely go into more detail about the curse in the story, which is really just a mystified version of a psychological disorder. But due to the length limit and the fact I didn’t want this to feel like a sob story, I wanted to make the ending hopeful.

            Reply
    3. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Well, it might be a little repetitive right now, but as others have already said, it is very difficult to comment on such a personal record. Speaking first on the impression it gives me, being so personal requires lots of courage, and the way you end it gives a note of hope that I’m quite glad in reading. I hope you are well, and I hope you keep well. Also, that writing helps.

      On the perspective of the narrative, I love when one story helps us see the world in a different perspective, and usually that’s not an easy thing to accomplish. There is a kind of vulnerability that is required from both sides for communication to really happen – and I think that story takes the effort to both be vulnerable and to allow for vulnerability. I really like the images you use so that we can try to assimilate what it must feel – getting a different rulebook and having to play a game others seem to understand but we are not privy of is a powerful image, and one that I can try to construe for myself… and it feels awful. As it should. So, very apt imagery.

      Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you for the kind words!

        Reply
  17. Reinkarnitor Avatar
    Reinkarnitor

    Final warning

    by Reinkarnitor

    The world was grey and lifeless. Whatever people may have been doing before, they stopped dead in their tracks now. Literally. Time itself was frozen.

    Amidst the motionless crowd stood a single young man who still had colour. Wearing his usual black coat, thick glasses on his nose and messy hair pushing out under his hat, the detective X looked around with a frustrated sigh.

    “Why must you always do this?” he asked as he turned around, where a being in a white robe stood.

    The beings face was hidden in shadow, but anyone who would have laid eyes on it would have trembled from the power it was sending out. Anyone but X.

    “Familiar!” the being spoke with a mighty voice.

    “Stop addressing me like that. Just call me by the name I chose.”

    “We have news for you” the being interrupted him, which made the detective look very annoyed.

    “I am just the familiar. Why not bring it directly to Emma? She is the guardian of London!”

    The being went silent for a moment, before letting out a slightly annoyed sound.

    “I will not speak with that cursed being.”

    X eyes became narrow as the being said that.

    “Then how about you listen to me this time? And listen closely, because I am only saying this once.”

    X walked up the being.

    “You angels have punished her for a crime she never committed, and even though she is doing everything you told her, you still look down on her and call her all kinds of horrific things!”

    The detective grabbed the robe of the angel and brought him very close to his own face.

    “If you ever speak ill of her in my presence again, if you even utter her name in the wrong tone, all you holiness will not save you!”

    He let the angel go.

    “Consider this a warning that will never be given again. And now. Bugger. Off.”

    With that X kept walking and time began to flow again, as the angel decided to better not press his luck too much.

    Reply
    1. Pumpkin Avatar
      Pumpkin

      This is one of those “I wish there were more words to spend” kinda stories ^^ it sets up a very interesting world and cast of characters. I like how x chose his own name and the angels refusing to use it is a nice shorthand to their jerkishness.
      I wonder at the crime Emma supposedly commited and I wonder about her dynamic with x.

      One thing, I don’t even think it’s a gripe I just thought it was funny was that everyone’s greyed out except for two beings, one being in black, and the other in white so there’s still barely any colour in the scene XD
      It’s text so it’s fine but in a visual medium these characters would probably be wearing something a bit more colourful to contrast with the world ^^

      Still, a neat scene and keep up the good work ^^

      Reply
  18. Xavier21 Avatar
    Xavier21

    Praying Mantis
    By Xavier Twentyone

    The land is stiff, soilless. What is this? I have never see or feel something this rock, this see-through. It exists within my reach, yet beyond my comprehension to feel. It reaches through a certain space where I could not escape from its bounds, trapped like my prey did.

    “Are you from around here?” someone asks.

    I turn around to find myself a company, a woman. She must be an adult from her size. She doesn’t look like someone I notice from my place of living, yet there is this feeling that she is… beautiful? No no… beautiful wasn’t the right word.

    “Are… you from around?” she repeats.

    “No, I am not,” I reply.

    And so, the first days of our captivity begin. Everyday rains caterpillars in this trap, scattered throughout the invisible boundary, for the will of God always hovers above our fragile life. That’s my only chance to escape.

    “Maybe this is God’s will for us to be here,” she says.

    “I don’t believe in God,” I reply.

    “But He exists. He gives us food to eat and the Hand’s always there to perceive us.”

    I don’t know what to say. What I know is that I will get out of here soon.

    Several weeks… How do I know it has been several weeks? What I know is that the sun… the white sun has been snapping a couple of times since we were here, and we always take it as a sign to sleep.

    In that mean time, I had always been trying to escape. Each time I almost flew past the boundary, every time it got caught by God’s Hand. Each time I scratched, kicked, and attacked the boundary, it always remained unharmed. There is no chance of escaping, and I have accepted my fate.

    “Maybe this is our fate. When an adult man and an adult woman notice each other, they will procreate.”

    Yes, indeed they will procreate. The woman must eat the man’s head in order to give birth to more children. This is our last resort to prevent extinction in our territory.

    Reply
    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Interesting, very interesting.

      So here we have the experienced life of two praying mantises kept in a jar by a human. I find it very clever to use a godly imagery along the praying mantises. And making their perspectives on the “god” be somewhat conflicting uses the whole relation to the name of the creature in a very nice way.

      The descriptions are really well made and give that sense of wonder what the creatures are experiencing and how bizarre the life of a captive animal must be, from its own perspective.

      Were this another story, I’d point out that the behavior of eating the male head is not as prevalent as we were lead to believe… but this is a story about mantises in captivity, where that is indeed the norm. And it is quite interesting that you made this the point when bringing that behavior up. This makes it feel very fitting with the religious motif – not only is that a somewhat strange and hard to truly explain behavior, but it is a sacrifice that makes sense in that secluded (and, so, in a very etymologically fitting way, sacred) context. That is a really nice wordplay.

      Thanks for sharing.

      Reply
      1. Xavier21 Avatar
        Xavier21

        Thanks for your comment Aracnarquista!

        I was really concern that the relation of this story and the prompt will be too subtle to notice. “I’m never doing that again” in this story is that the male praying mantis (since they are in captivity) will never get laid again due to their condition. I hope it’s not too subtle >_<

        Reply
    2. Shinigama Avatar
      Shinigama

      I confess that I didn’t read the title before starting this story, so the ending gave me quite a shock! However, upon rereading it, I noticed all the clues and hints that I’d missed, which was quite fun!

      All in all a great story which takes an interesting turn viewing the world through the eyes of a praying mantis. It’s always fascinating to read about how the world must look like through another creature’s eyes.

      The idea of ‘God’ in this case being a regular human keeping the mantises in a jar is a nice touch, and one that really makes you think. Are all of us just mantises in a jar being observed by God?

      A really interesting story, well done!

      Reply
      1. Xavier21 Avatar
        Xavier21

        Thanks for your comment Shinigama!

        This story was inspired by an Indonesian short story named Macan (in English means “Tiger”) by Seno Gumira Ajidarma. The story is drastically different from mine, but it has the same concept of viewing the world from animal’s perspective. This was a story that made me realize how important a title is because that is no explicit indication that the main character is a tiger (other than the title). Still, I am glad you like it.

        Reply
    3. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This is gruesome! And so crrative too. The story is built so carefully, so when the twist comes it’s evem more effective.

      Good job!

      Reply
      1. Xavier21 Avatar
        Xavier21

        thanks for your comment Strong Berry!

        Reply
    4. Oliver Enslad Avatar
      Oliver Enslad

      Such an entertaining perspective! I love imagining myself in the shoes of those insects and being surprised by the raining caterpillars, and the idea that they have no notion besides “God” as to what feeds them also brings a sense of adorableness to them. My only comment is I’m left curious as to what the narrator thinks of the female, they say beautiful but then it cuts away to never return to that thought. The uselessness the narrator feels at the end is encapsulating, and I love how it ends with him hoping to be a hero instead of a captive.

      Reply
      1. Xavier21 Avatar
        Xavier21

        Thanks for your comment Oliver Enslad!

        I want to say at the end of the short story that the male praying mantis thinks that the female praying mantis is angelic and mesmerizing so that the male is willing to mate with the female. i do like that you noticed that he was indeed wants to get out of the jar.

        Reply
        1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
          Oliver Enslad

          I’m glad to have some closure on how he views her, I’m excited to read more from you and awesome work all around!

          Reply
    5. Lila Mullen Avatar
      Lila Mullen

      This is a really interesting piece.
      I do enjoy looking at what the world and humans are like from the perspective of something a lot smaller than us, and I like how you used a praying mantis, as we don’t normally think about how we treat insects like these, and what a life in captivity must be like for them.

      I love the idea of having humans, or the human hand as “the hand of god”, it gives an interesting perspective to the story, as well as the fact that the two praying mantises have different views on what the “hand of god” actually is.

      Overall, this is a great piece of writing, and the descriptions you give of the environment are really well written and give a sense of peculiarity and wonder to your piece.

      Great job!

      Reply
  19. Mop Avatar
    Mop

    The Green Man
    by Mop

    In her dreams, she saw the forest, thick and neverending. All around her, children chittered like squirrels, but she couldn’t see them. She could climb every tree, uproot them to search beneath, set traps, scream their names harshly… She wouldn’t find them. If they were searching, they wouldn’t find her either.

    Then she waded through marshes, dimly aware of a ticking sound. She saw the yellow eyes of a crocodile sticking out from the nearby lake. She had seen it before, back when she was a child… it didn’t want her back then. Now? Its eyes were wide and hungry. She ran.

    Her feet fell further through the marsh, and suddenly she stopped wading and started swimming, swimming further and further away from the marsh, the forest… the island. No, she couldn’t leave the island. She didn’t want to leave yet.

    The ticking was now like a drum. In the distance, she could see a cave. Gliding through the water as though it was air, she swam towards it. The ticking grew dimmer, replaced by the sounds of someone calmly playing the flute. It was him, the one who took her here so many years ago.

    Inside the cave, she saw the Green Man perched upon a rock, lazily playing his flute. He smirked as he saw her arrive. “Hello, Mother…” he said.

    This gave her hope. Despite how long it had been, he still remembered her. “I want to go back. I want to spend forever here…” she said.

    The Green Man chuckled, “You don’t belong here, Mother…”

    “There’s nothing for me out there… please, I want to stay here with the lost children… with you.”

    “But you won’t let yourself stay. We’re in a different world to you, no matter how similar it looks. We see fun, you see irresponsibility. We see adventure, you see danger. We see reality, you see… a dream.” he frowned, giving her a mournful look, “You can’t stay here if you’re thinking like an adult.”

    When she woke up, she tried her best to eradicate these thoughts. She never could.

    Reply
    1. Xavier21 Avatar
      Xavier21

      The Peter Pan reference is oozing throughout this story, heck even the Peter Pan himself shows up in this story as the Green Man… or maybe it should be the Green Boy? since adults aren’t allow in Neverland?

      Anyways, the story has vivid imagery in it’s description of the forest and the crocodile (especially the section when you describe its eyes). This story also contains a backstory on Peter pan’s mother who desperately wants to find his son again. you can see there is a lot of history before this story take place. How does Peter Pan lost in the first place? Why did Peter Pan took his mother to Neverland in the first place? Why does she wants to stay with the lost children? why not try to take Peter Pan to the real world if she truly is an adult. Because of these questions I cannot determine whether the Mother is an adult or not (since the way she speaks and sounds like a girl rather than a woman). This is not a critique btw, just some questions.

      Also, regarding the “I’m never doing that again” part, is it refers to The Mother not being able to enter Neverland again? Since she is an adult? Because this prompt has countless possibility, it will be difficult to figure out what part of the stories that contains the prompt. Maybe you can enlighten me.

      Reply
    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Oh, I took some time to get what we are at, but this was very interesting once the elements started to click in place. And this makes for a great reread. Great job here.

      The way I see this story, the POV character is supposed to be a grown up Wendy Darling. Once, she was taken by Peter to Neverland to be the mother of the Lost Boys. Eventually, she grew… and now she misses Neverland. But she misses it as an adult, so the place is close to her. Most things in that land don’t want her anymore, except…

      Time. Time is more interested in the adult Wendy than it ever was in child Wendy. That is quite brilliant.

      This is quite sad, and an amazing commentary in both the fleeting childhood and in adulthood. And the way it gets its way in little by little, until it finally forms the whole picture… that was very well done.

      Thanks a lot for sharing this one.

      Reply
    3. Sage Evergreen Avatar
      Sage Evergreen

      When I heard the ticking alligator part I knew instantly where it was! How sad though, you did really well at drawing me in.

      Reply
    4. Lila Mullen Avatar
      Lila Mullen

      This is a very interesting read and reread.

      I really love the elements of Neverland that you incorporated into the piece, but in a way that made them appear darker and more sinister than what they would seem through the eyes of a child.

      I love the addition of the Tick-tock croc, and it is a great device to symbolize both the passing of time from when the character was a child and the fleeting nature of childhood, how time did not seem so important until you became an adult- hence time, the Tick-Tock croc, being more interested in her as an adult.

      Overall, this is a brilliant, and sad commentary on time, and the perspectives of the world from the mind of a child and one of an adult, how when the child sees adventure, the adult sees danger, and the loss of fun and creativity with the passing of time.

      A great piece of writing, good job!

      Reply
  20. GhostDog_Danny Avatar
    GhostDog_Danny

    A night to remember
    by: GhostDog_Danny

    Sweat began to pour down the face of the man. His pupils dilated, and his body trembling. The soft jazz playing in the background seemed to be quieter and the dim lights dimmer.

    “Whew, it is awfully hot in here, is it not?” He asked fanning himself with whatever he could find. It was mainly the menu. Swallowing became a problem soon, maybe after ten seconds, followed by the difficulty of breathing itself.

    “No, I don’t think so,” whispered the man on the other end of the table meanwhile cutting his stake slow and methodically. “In fact, it is rather cold in this diner, Timothy.”

    “Hard to believe,” began Timothy, struggling to get any word at all out into the open, “that your calmness, is a coincidence, Jim.”

    “Well indeed it is not.”

    “Care to explain?” Timothy asked, while grabbing a drink from the nearest waiter and chugging it all down. Some of it went to the right place, but the most just spilled out of his mouth.

    “No.”

    The burning sensation grew more and more, and the itching surrounded his throat. It felt like a fur-ball being stuck in his throat. His eyes saw double at this point, and thinking straight was more of a challenge. My bag, he thought, where is my bag?

    Jim just sat there, eating and drinking and watching the man before him slowly lose all hope.

    “I,” said Timothy, laughing to himself, “am never going out to eat with you again.”

    “Yes, I guess not. Would be hard to do so. Being under six feet and deceased and all.”

    After about a minute Timothy laid on the table, his mouth foaming and his lifeless eyes looking into the abyss. Soon after, Jim raised his hand, and asked for the bill. After paying and leaving a small tip, he stood up and continued to live his life as he always did, except now with one less rat in it.

    Reply
    1. Sage Evergreen Avatar
      Sage Evergreen

      I kind of wanted to read more about this! It was exciting. I really want to know their relationship. It was a really good slow burn to the ending.

      Reply
  21. Reverend Grey Avatar
    Reverend Grey

    Faux & Bleak
    (Based on my recurring nightmares)
    By: Reverend Grey

    Lurching from the warm embrace of quilts and covers, a sweat plagued my chest and face. My heart racing under the invisible pressure in this empty room clad in pitch. I’ve seen it again, as I have countless times prior.

    Breathe. Halt this shaking, dammit.

    Every surface whispered their names. My pillow, the ceiling, the distant moon, everything and everywhere sought to remind. But I seek to forget. I seek to remain in this world unaffiliated with that which hides behind the clouded veil.

    But that isn’t possible is it? If I could recount the hours spent staring into the bleakness in which I lay, the same predator would stalk me a thousand times over. Taking hold of the reigns and coercing me into a malformed exhibit I forcibly frequent.

    Her face. His face. Devoid of sensation and form. They’re gone for the time being. Or is it forever? Whatever it may be, they remain unmistakable. Even under the shroud of agonizing deformities and unnatural imperfections.

    Yes! Deformities and imperfections. That is what they are. Afflictions capable of restoration. No—destined for repair! They have to be.

    The moon no longer consoles me on this night. It’s presence is required elsewhere. Perhaps another soul is being subjected to similar anguish? Rest easy brothers and sisters, your time for respite will come too.

    The pounding behind my ribs has ceased, replaced with a calm rhythmic beat. Peace at last. Providing me with additional time for my nightly reflection.

    One last breath before my next departure. In and out. Like you had taught me as a young boy.

    I miss your motherly affection. And the fellowship between us brothers. Will meet again tomorrow night? And the night after that? I will never let go of you both. Not again. Not until I join you and escape this hell.

    I love you both.

    Reply
    1. GhostDog_Danny Avatar
      GhostDog_Danny

      Wow, it felt like I was having a panic attack reading the first half and a bit more after. The fast paced narration (In my opinion it was at least) was a nice touch, showing the amount of anxiety our character has. Thoughts flying by, eyes whipping back and forth checking the shadows for something that may or may not be there. Loved IT!

      Reply
  22. Galer Avatar
    Galer

    Work experience (inspired by real life)

    by Galer

    Riana disliked her work in the Ministry because she woke up at five in the morning feeling dead, not to mention the tedious work hours they may be standard. in her opinion, they were too long. Call her lazy if you want but that’s how she felt.

    Along with the backbreaking hours doing paperwork, the interviews for the census were also stressful. At least most people were pleasant and cooperative.

    the worst part of the day was the dull job of fixing grammar mistakes even on e-mails because some people liked to channel magic in them. Badly written ones create accidental jinxes.

    She wanted to track down the asshat that thought that was a good idea and cram the e-mail down their throat.

    She dodged a punch made out of paper, ink, and digital matter.

    She kicked the accidental living jinx in the stomach sending it soaring into the air towards a cubicle.

    “Luis, is the ritual ready?” Riana asked, stressed out “I am kicking this thing around and it doesn’t seem tired.”

    It was a good thing she was an Amazon, too; otherwise hitting the jinx-hardened digital data would be a pain.

    “What do you expect? The one that did the grammar error likely didn’t realize he made a digital jinx by accident” said the Nephilim that was in the middle of making a circle on the ground, filling it with light magic. “Also, these things take time.”

    She wanted to say something but she got dropkicked by the jinx before she could say anything. sending her into the cubicle where a tank of water was.It fell on top of her ruining her hair.

    Oh why didn’t she get the job of fixing computers?

    “Luis.” she got up.

    “Yeah?”

    “After this, I quit this job,” The Amazon said “I am not doing this shit again”

    She threw herself into the battle and finally the anti-jinx was done.

    With that over Riana was gone after she got paid.

    Not that Luis could blame her, this job sucked.

    Reply
    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Well, work, am I right?

      Most times, it just sucks. And when it doesn’t, usually that’s just a matter of comparison. Guess even for fantastical people in fantastical circumstances. Nothing worse than dealing with dumb bureaucracy and technical bugs in the system.

      So, even though in that one we are following a magically endowed warrior fighting a digital jinx born from what appears to be a typo, this feels way too relatable, and I’m quite happy she quited. Though I worry how is the job market in her area and on the one who will be replacing her afterwards.

      I find it funny that you could make what for all intents and purposes is an action scene in just the continuation of the same lifeless job she was doing before. This is hilarious.

      Thanks for sharing.

      Reply
  23. Aracnarquista Avatar
    Aracnarquista

    [unrequited] Lust for Live (repost from the private group)
    by Aracnarquista

    I know I will get in trouble for saying that, but screw it, I’m done with that. Been there, tried it, struggled with it – and I’ve made my peace. I am giving up.

    I will never date an undead again. Never.

    And don’t come to me with that nonsense of “but Zöe, not all zombies”. Nope, that just won’t sell here. All zombies, period. If you want to give them a chance, fine by me. But I won’t, and I won’t have any advice for anyone in those relationships besides jump ship.

    No stormy seas nor engulfing maelstroms of solitude can be worse than staying with those guys.

    Let’s just state facts: they are just not alive. Doesn’t matter if they are a vampire, a lich, a zombie… the thing they don’t have anymore is a life. And you know what we have? A freaking life. We have interests, things to do, places to be, people to know. A life.

    And you know what having a life does? It keeps us busy. So it is amazing to spend some time with your vampire boyfriend once in a while, but you know what happens when you are elsewhere (on your job, pursuing a degree, practicing one of your hobbies, whatever)? They stalk on you. They keep demanding attention. They cling to us, desperately for that sweet (and sometimes not so sweet) life that they desperately crave, and think they can only reach by going through us… and, newsflash, they are right. ‘Cause they don’t have one anymore.

    I don’t blame them for being that way, really. But that just doesn’t make for healthy relationships. I can’t live to them, and they can’t live by me. They can’t just be content with me, and have no life at all when I’m gone. That’s a terrible way to establish companionship, to both of us.

    So – no, I won’t ever again date one of the undead. And I think I made my reasons entirely clear.

    Well, at least while I live, that is. We never know when undeath knocks on our door.

    Reply
    1. Shinigama Avatar
      Shinigama

      A lot of people told some personal stories using this prompt, so a smile grew on my face when I read “I will never date an undead again.”

      Unless that is a personal story of yours…

      In any case, that was very funny, and I genuinely laughed when you pointed out that the difference between living and undead is that we have “a freaking life!”

      Amazing as usual!

      Reply
      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        For the benefit of everyone, I will not answer if that is based on a personal story. I will, however, say that I have a lot to say about the undead!

        Also, I’m very pleased in reading that you found it funny and the premise worked for you. This came around from a somewhat unexpected place: I was experimenting in taking the central idea of another story (one that was a lot darker and weighty) and use it to write something new… and this story here was the result. That being said, due to the whole process, I felt as if I couldn’t dissociate the product form the process, so I didn’t know at the end if the story was truly light-hearted or not. And I’m glad to see it seems to be taken this way!

        Thanks a lot for the review!

        Reply
    2. Xavier21 Avatar
      Xavier21

      It’s a fun experience reading this story. It’s like hearing a friend complaining about his/her love life. Though she uses examples on explaining why she don’t want to date undead ever again, there is this feeling that she actually uses her experience as an example. Beyond that i have nothing to say because the message is clear, simple, and it’s just a well executed scene overall that captures the feeling of hearing a real life person telling a story.

      Reply
      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot!

        What I really wanted for this one to convey was that sense of giving vent to something that is bothering you, and then relieving in the act. Most probably, it is something told from experience.

        And this is so out of my comfort zone that I was really not even close to knowing if it would land. Glad to know it did!

        Thanks again for the review!

        Reply
    3. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This is quite funny! You pulled off a really weird idea in a really nice story. Or, should I say, blog post? This feels like some rant you’d find on Reddit or Twitter that would be followed by a stream of nasty comments. This isn’t a bad thing, though. In fact, it makes it unique.

      Good job!

      Reply
      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Yup. The whole rant was what I had in mind…. and if we had more words and ways to format this posts, I’m pretty sure I’d try to make the things keep going with comments and replies as a way of fleshing out the argument and the world.

        I’m quite glad that people are finding it funny – I’m not usually one to try more comedic tones in my writing, so it is always great to know it landed.

        Thanks a lot for the comment!

        Reply
    4. Oliver Enslad Avatar
      Oliver Enslad

      What a curious realm in which one would put zombies on the same date worthy scale as vampires. I love the frustration the character has, and being stalked by a vampire boyfriend brings a new level of horror to love in this story. I can only imagine the multiple attempts this character had at the undeath, and I love how they resolute that only when they’re undead will they come back to the subject. I would love to see if this character truly means the words as is, or if there is a particular undead out there who could change Zöe’s mind. Great story, and I really needed the humor this has! Thank you for writing!

      Reply
      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot. To be entirely frank, I guess I also needed the humour in this one. The process that brought this piece here was not necessarily the most sunny one, but it is great to see that the product managed to completely invert the tone of the process. It was the attempt, but so often intent does not actualizes in the final product, right?

        And I’m kind of on the fence on Zöe’s future and what we could expect of it. I usually think this kind of set up as the beginning of a story is usually done so that it can be betrayed… so subverting that and keeping her obstinate could be interesting.

        Who knows?

        Thanks a lot for the comment!

        Reply
        1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
          Oliver Enslad

          If this continues or grows, please let me know as I’m invested in this for no reason in particular right now!

          Reply
    5. Pumpkin Avatar
      Pumpkin

      Hahahahaha okay this one’s funny ^^
      I’m used to a lot slower buildup with your stories usually so just opening on “nuh nu no zombie for me” is just great to set the vibe.

      And it’s not just funny it’s true! I’ve always wondered why the whole stalking aspect was supposed to be desirable now, just cause the person is not a person but a vampire/zombie/werewolf/etc.

      It’s creepy 0.0 please stop doing it.

      So yeah, total agreement here on that point,

      I also like you end on “while I’m alive that is” because I mean, I can get behind a love story between two zombies, that’d be strangely endearing probably ^^

      This was a delight to read ^^

      Reply
      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Yeah, there were some ideas (on future stories, on possible commentaries, etc) in my head while writing that last line… I dread the implications, though.

        And yeah, this one is kind of really out of my comfort zone and my style. This was a strange one to write – in lots of ways). And the whole part about the stalking aspect and the idea of someone “less-than-alive” living vicariously through other’s life was something that I wanted to make a serious commentary on, despite the comedic tone. I’m pretty glad it didn’t pass unnoticed!

        Maybe I will try to program a matchmaking app for the undead in the future. I can see it having some use!

        Thanks a lot for the comment!

        Reply
    6. Joe Avatar
      Joe

      “I’m not dating another undead!”

      “Dead ass?”

      😑

      Now this is well thought out in terms of how a relationship with an undead would be. And speaking from an experienced perspective was really the way to go. It was hilarious and brought a new idea of how to handle a toxic relationship from a fantastical point of view. It’s either toxic on the undeads end, or becomes toxic from not having the time to create comanionship and drags down any opportunities for growth. Both for the living individual and the relationship itself.

      It’s also courteous to include allowing others to try it out, but with caution.

      Also knowing some people, they might give up their own “lives” in order to “live” this interesting “life.”

      Overall this was refreshing. And I hope that one never has to experience an equivalent in real life.

      HAVE…LIKE!!!👍

      Reply
      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Joe.

        And that’s precisely what I was trying to convey… there is a whole deal of toxicity in this this thing about trying to live through the other, not with the other. One life cannot sustain a relationship… and the comedic route seemed like the best way to discuss on this thing with a bit of levity.

        And maybe ranting just comes natural to me. Seems like the thing I do most, anyway, so it was not all that difficult to use it as the style of the story.

        Thanks for the comment.

        Reply
    7. Cromillea Avatar
      Cromillea

      Your story seems to have caught me at just the right time now that I’m beginning to date, lol. I appreciate the insight you provide about toxic relationships using fantastical monsters to great effect as metaphors. From reading this, I feel like you have a lot of personal experience to enrich your writing. I enjoy the light hearted tone, and the way you speak about these difficult subjects. Your story made me smile, it was funny and meaningful.

      Reply
      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Cromillea.

        I wouldn’t say I have a lot of personal experience, but I have some… and not always good experiences. I also think I had occupied different positions in the whole thing that I had wrote about here – there is a bit of auto-criticism in this piece that I needed to elaborate. But I’m glad it was funny and made you think on it. This was a bit painful to write, but I’m glad it is out there. Way out of my usual style and way out of my comfort zone, but it was a nice experiment.

        Thanks for the comment and the kind words!

        Reply
  24. Boople Avatar
    Boople

    Through my Teeth
    By: Boople

    I lied.

    At least probably.

    I just had a heart to heart with my father. He caught me on one of my little lies, lies that I’ve spun without thinking to make my life easier. But he caught it. His voice was full of worry and remorse for what I had done, and I regretted it with my full being. It was loud, we both shared tears.

    Yet here I am, just a few minutes of alone time and silence later, feeling like my promise to be better was a lie.

    Why do I feel like I lied through my own tears? It felt so genuine in the moment, but it just felt like noise now. I said I wouldn’t do It again, I wouldn’t lie. So why do I feel like I did.

    Who did I even lie to? My father? Myself? No one? Did I lie? I didn’t want to.

    I don’t think I wanted to.

    Why can’t I trust me.

    Can I trust me? If anyone should it should be me, right?

    Yea, yea of course I can, I can stop lying. Maybe I can be proud too. Maybe I can look in the mirror tomorrow and have pride.

    I can be happy,

    I have friends,

    I can be better!

    I can improve everything about me, I can let myself love more, I can learn to be less judgmental, I can even feel enough someday!

    I should stop lying to myself.

    I promised I would after all, though maybe it’s just another empty promise. A promise broken as soon as it was uttered. Maybe. Who knows. I don’t. I don’t care.

    I’m tired.

    Reply
    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      So… this is very personal and relatable. I feel like the thing being discussed and why it bother the narrator so much (wanting that promise to be true, but also not trusting it to be) being a bit on the open helps in it being relatable, and we all have our own demons and know we are in conflict with ourselves.

      And the conflict is what carries the whole narrative through. There is a very present tension between wanting to try something but not trusting one can, between kind of accepting the fatalism of it all and still grieving the possibility of maybe that promise being the way out of something… that maybe one does not want out of? That one does not even know if they want out? I think what appears here to me is something of a conflict between contrasting wants. Wanting in itself. What does not want? And does one want to want?

      All that said, I just love how, after all we read and pass through, we are left with only that “I’m tired”. As said before, incredibly relatable. Sadly so, but incredibly relatable nonetheless.

      Thanks a lot for sharing.

      Reply
    2. C. M. Weller Avatar
      C. M. Weller

      This one hits hard. The lies we tell ourselves are the hardest to recognise as such. When it’s a habit like your protagonist’s, it’s incredibly hard to surrender that tactic.

      I love that one of their lies is “I can be better!” and “I have friends,” and that’s kind’a heartbreaking.

      Especially the promise at the end. OOF. That hurt.

      Reply
  25. Ethan Jesse Avatar
    Ethan Jesse

    Raise the Hero’s Sun
    By Ethan Jesse

    In dim Summer night, I have been broken and upheaved. In this cooling dawn hour, I feel the wounds upon my flesh. Cats have ripped, wolves torn, all bore into my skin. They know not what I could, but what I offer, what they see. I, the hero, born for a ballad, am now here tarnished, rusted, and displayed among men. My innards are gashed, unveiled to the masses, for they bleed like the rest. Yet who would have known if they never saw what beat?

    I was the hero, and had my tale to fulfill. My armor was polished, my sword sharp to the hilt, and no man was to speak without wavering my name. As I walked, I was certain that the sun was reflected, reflected upon the steel which adorned my brazen form. Beasts, thieves, viles beyond words; they were nothing, they were cheap, they bowed to me! Yes, I was ready, I was a lord in men’s flesh. Yes, I am sure, that path was set for me…

    Yet here I stand, the hero, bleeding out. Here, I lay, without a burial or a prayer. I could have been the hero, I could have been their light, I could have been a leader, I could have chosen might! But I, the hero, lay fading in the night. No company may see me, no bard sings my plight. I’ve let the dogs howl, I’ve watched the cats hiss, I’ve let them know insides, but what story does it bring?! None, so I say, but I let it be all the same. I, the hero, gone defiled, lo insane!

    I was the hero, but I did not fight as one. I was the story yet remaining undone. I am no lord, no king, no knight, so long as I die here on this dim Summer night. Never shall I toil, not again shall I stray, never shall I weaken this grand armor I bear! Raise my great sun, and let it be known, that I AM THE HERO, AND I WILL LIVE UNTIL THE END!

    Reply
    1. GhostDog_Danny Avatar
      GhostDog_Danny

      Oh lord, I love the style of it all. It really does feel like a large ballad. It has something shakespearian about it. Really love it. Especially since there are a “few” places where it rhymes, and I don’t remember what you call it in english but basically the way when you make a list of things, like “Cats have ripped, wolves torn[…]” or “Beasts, thieves, viles beyond words[…]”. I just really like that! Good work!

      Reply
    2. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
      Dagmar Makara (dystop)

      Absolutely gorgeous imagery and use of vocabulary in this one. Your verbs and adjectives are very evocative and wide-ranging so it really paints this picture to life effectively.

      I do love the use of repetition here:

      “As I walked, I was certain that the sun was reflected, reflected upon the steel which adorned my brazen form”

      Even though that might be considered more a poetic move than something for prose – I honestly think it does work well here, especially for the kind of story you’re trying to tell. In fact the whole prose reads in a very beautiful poetic way – and mixing poetry and prose just the right amount is quite an impressive skill.

      Great work : )

      Reply
  26. Rudy Slate Avatar
    Rudy Slate

    Beckoned forth (nsfw)
    by Rudy Slate

    I feel guilty about what I saw. Even though I had no part in the ritual, I feel every part responsible for what happened there that day. I think it’s because I was wearing the same golden mask and crimson embroidered robes as everyone else while they were all chanting something about unity in Latin.

    The week before the ritual occurred I was living a normal life. The death of my dad had only happened just less than a month ago and I had been on edge ever since. I was a pizza delivery driver at the time doing a 12-9 pm shift in Seattle. It was the easiest job ever, everyone was nice and I never ran into any issues with anyone. The job helped me get over my dad’s death healthily. Around 2 weeks ago is when I met this girl while delivering pizza, she was dressed in black gothic; a style aesthetic I had a huge liking over. She noticed how much I liked her and invited me inside to join “the party” although it was completely silent inside.

    I was ushered into the basement by some other gothic figures, from which we put on heavy red robes and masks in the shape of cats in a dimly lit, musty room. I was still extremely confused, everything was going by so fast that I couldn’t even ask what where we were. We made our way to the back of a dark auditorium and sat down. The room was filled to the brim with other people wearing the same robes and masks as us. We were handed goblets of something; it was too dark to know what it was. The lights turned on. at the front of the stage, was my dad, nude in the fetal position, crying. Everyone began to cheer as they took sips from their goblets. I turned to the girl who invited me to this “party” but she was smiling, her teeth stained crimson from the blood she had drank. I excused myself there. I’m never going to trust a goth girl again.

    Reply
    1. Xavier21 Avatar
      Xavier21

      Hmmmm interesting, although the vampire element of the story is common on this writing group, the execution is not. It’s a slow burn type of story that I very much enjoy. At the middle we see the main character describe his everyday life. This makes our guard down as maybe this is just a type of story that take place in everyday life (even though it isn’t). Another one that interest me is the structure of the story. The beginning and the end are connected, but separated in two section, divided by the middle. This technique is not uncommon in story telling, but I rarely see this structure applied in this writing group. It makes me want to praise it more. The story also is fast paced, but cohesion in a sense there are character, plot, and setting. most stories in here only have 2 of component that i just said, even some of them only have one. regardless of my praise, there are some critics that I think can help your next story better.

      Critics:
      1. why is the protagonist didn’t react emotionally when seeing his own father being consumed by the goths?
      2. The last line could be better written because the last line only reinforce the prompt rather than being it’s own last line that fit within the story. Readers aren’t stupid. Sometimes some of the can understand our story better than us, therefore we should treat our reader with respect and intelligence.

      Reply
    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Very interesting entry.

      I really like the surprise element (and I’d say there is more than one or two in there), and I like how it subverts not just expectations, but the whole idea of at what order I was expecting to have each element. We already know right from the start the protagonist is felling guilty of participating in a cultish ritual, even though he does not understand what was going on. Then it presents us with the fact that he was in grief at the time, and that he had the most common and boring time at that. And then things just get into another pace and things get a lot weirder.

      The way you deal with weird is what I’m not so sure about. On one hand, I like how unemotional it feels, and how once you step in that last paragraph things just sorta happen. This kind of makes for a comedic tone of the whole thing – in a dissociative kind of way. But for that to really land I think it would be better if the last line was in its own paragraph. That would make a cut of it, give us a moment to catch up with everything and kind of process the bizareness of it all and then be presented with the punchline.

      Anyway, quite interesting and a bit on the experimental side. I’d say it could be executed a little better, but it was enjoyable as it is. Thanks for sharing it.

      Reply
  27. Shinigama Avatar
    Shinigama

    Thesis Defence
    by Shinigama

    Eyes weighing on me. Their load is like iron. My legs buckle beneath their weight.

    Do they know me? Do they recognize me? Have I caught their attention?

    Do I want their attention?

    The light in the room flickers as I tap the keyboard arrows. Pictures, figures, tables dance on the wall behind me, with numbers, captions, formulae splashed across them, hopefully forming something coherent.

    Oh shit, I’m speaking too. What am I saying?

    My voice comes out all muffled to my ears. I have no control, I’m on autopilot. The words I memorized night after night, hour after hour, gushing forth from my lips like a waterfall, supposedly explaining the scientific mess behind me.

    At least, that’s what I hope.

    I try, but I cannot look away from the clock. How many minutes now? Five? Ten? How much longer?

    Oh shit, I’ve finished.

    A hand is raised, my blood pressure with it. I cannot plan for any of this. Whatever happens now is out of my hands.

    Words tumble into my ear. They collapse into the form of a question. My life flashes before my eyes as I search for an answer.

    My brain stumbles, but my tongue saves me. It says something and the questioner nods. I have no idea if that was good or bad.

    More hands, more questions, more answers. Each time, I grow more conscious of the weakness in my legs. The weight of eyes, the weight of attention is about to snap them off.

    The air explodes with the sound of applause. With a jump, the weight is lifted. I take a huge intake of breath and stumble out of the door.

    I collapse into the dark wooden bench outside the auditorium. My hands shake as I cover my face. A shadow comes over me; I look up into the smiling eyes of my professor.

    He says, “Congratulations, you have your Bachelor’s.”

    I sigh, and a stupid smile plasters my face. After four years, I made it.

    I’m never doing that again!

    (Update: Two years later, the narrator started his Master’s).

    Reply
    1. Xavier21 Avatar
      Xavier21

      This is something that connect with me in a whole different level. Although I had finish my defence, due to the wight of graduating on time, I cannot finish my revision on time, and therefore my nightmare came through. Learning at my university isn’t my goal in any way possible, again.

      The first paragraph is awesome. It describe what everybody feel at that point. Also what i notice is that time seems to slow down in this story. In real life event, this will be so accurate because when you are tense, you will feel like a slow-mo because you because too conscious of your surrounding. Sadly, I don’t see the character worrying about the content of his thesis, because i thing this fear also really prominent in everyone (imposter syndrome). Anyways, good writings mate!

      Reply
    2. Alex Avatar
      Alex

      You really captured the feeling of having to do a presentation quite well here. I’ve been in the narrator’s shoes myself and there’s always that dread when you present, Bachelor’s or even just regular seminars. That relief at the end that it’s not just over, but that you succeeded is also very familiar.

      Your writing is also well done. I like your descriptions, how it really seems to all blur together into a mess of information and hope, mixed with trepidation. It all feels very real and I’m sure a lot of people can relate to it.

      Well written!

      Reply
    3. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Oh, this was amazing, and it captures that feeling very well.

      And that’s what makes it so terrifying – even though this one ends in a very happy tone. I’d almost advise to put a trigger warning there.

      I really like how the story is concerned primarily with the tension and the right-now-ness of the presentation. The subject matter is not even brought up, since that’s not the point, and not what is being felt. This communicates a lot in itself, and makes the whole narration more relatable due to it.

      I also love how it is both a relief and a concern that most of what is happening is somewhat managed by the auto-pilot. I’m not even sure if I’m on topic or doing a good job, but at least I’m not paralyzed or struggling in going on. That feeling is ABSURDLY relatable.

      And the language is quite beautiful as well. I love the parallelism and the conflict that is established in “A hand is raised, my blood pressure with it. I cannot plan for any of this. Whatever happens now is out of my hands.”

      This is a great story. Thanks a lot for sharing it.

      Reply
  28. WriterOfThought Avatar
    WriterOfThought

    Matthew 5:44
    WriterOfThought

    Have you ever been so blinded by emotions that you could not see the truth that was staring you in the face?

    I certainly have.

    I was in my final semester of college and several of my former classmates and I had begun, yet another, Dungeons and Dragons campaign. A fun, episodic campaign we could play and use as one last “Hurrah” before we graduated and went our separate ways.

    The dungeon master was cute, if clueless, and had both a rugged appeal in the face and yet a comforting softness to the rest of him, and despite having attended classes with him, I was also in denial as to how much I was bothered by his willful ignorance. I had yet to set myself a standard of desiring a man who was more physically and mentally capable than myself.

    We laughed, talked, and won glorious battles in the name of our pirate crew, and yet our rambunctious brigadiers had difficulties bonding, no matter which “team building exercises” we tried. I had seen some of the growing tensions of the players, particularly in our other games, but I refused to see the writing on the wall. I was hopeful that maybe the incidents between those I considered friends would not turn into grudges.

    That was where I was no longer allowed to remain ignorant. Grievances from other games bled into the fabrics of this one, setting the seas to turmoil and fracturing the land further than the islands already were. When the arguments got so tense that one person left a game, the illusion shattered entirely.

    I tried to keep up the spirit, but my heart was fractured. My soul could no longer feel free within my character. That ship had sailed and left me ashore.

    The final straw was when we tried to hang out one last time. Everyone was moving away, a swimming party and lunch with friends was in order. However, I was clearly no longer a friend. The cold jokes at my expense taught me that.

    I hope they learn the meaning of “friend”.

    Reply
    1. Shinigama Avatar
      Shinigama

      I can tell that this story is very personal. Hope you found some better friends afterwards.

      Hope the ‘never again’ part didn’t mean you would never play D&D again (yes, that’s what attracted me to your story). I also hope you found a better group as well.

      That said, I hate how relatable your story is. Often we find ourselves wanting to keep being friends with people that we ignore or dismiss the red flags telling us that it’s better to stay away. People form cliques, drift or split apart, and you’re left wondering what happened and where you should go.

      In any case, there are lots of good people out there – you just need to roll a good perception check to find them!

      Reply
      1. WriterOfThought Avatar
        WriterOfThought

        Well, in a way, you are right in that I never played Dungeons and Dragons again, but I moved on to other ttrpg systems.

        And I did find the good people. This was like, six years ago that this occurred. But I do appreciate the concern.

        Reply
    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      WriterofThought, this was beautiful. Sad, sure. But the language and the way you weaved the imagery of the game and the way the separation was happening out of the game was exquisite. Incredibly beautiful, really.

      Also, this feels absurdly personal. And that makes it even more touching.

      And I can bet it is way too relatable for many among us.

      That was a cathartic read for me, in more ways than I’d like to admit. I love that it is there for others to also relate and have that feeling. And I love that it is a beautifully written story as well. Thanks for sharing.

      Reply
    3. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
      Dagmar Makara (dystop)

      I really enjoyed this. I can also very much relate to the story at hand about grudges and tensions among friends in those situations. The story is very well written and flows very nicely. It’s very humanising. This bit in particular is beautifully melancholic imagery:

      “I tried to keep up the spirit, but my heart was fractured. My soul could no longer feel free within my character. That ship had sailed and left me ashore.”

      Also “However, I was clearly no longer a friend” – I feel that too. You’ve managed to capture a snapshot of some of the darker sides of human relationships/friendships and I really appreciate it : )

      Reply
    4. Oliver Enslad Avatar
      Oliver Enslad

      This brings me back to my high school days in more ways than one, despite not playing DnD until college. I believe it’s able to universally translate, the idea of a friend group falling apart, and an experience almost everyone has that you captured perfectly. I am impressed with how you keep the tone somber and the foreshadowing you use to answer the question is expertly placed in such a short story, even when describing the happiest of this story’s section. Lovely work!

      Reply
  29. The Missing Link Avatar
    The Missing Link

    The Shark Killer (Private Repost)
    By: The Missing Link

    Mary fidgeted with excitement in the backseat of the car, the sharks controlling her brain swimming happily. She knew they weren’t real, but she just loved the metaphor at this point. Sharks die when they stop moving, and that fit her all too well.

    Her only worry on this trip to the aquarium was the notorious head shark killer in the driver’s seat.

    “Hey mom, did you know sharks don’t have bones?”

    “That’s great, dear,” her mother sighed.

    “When I grow up, I’m gonna be a marine biologist and spend all day around sharks every day.”

    “Great.”

    “What’s your favorite kind of shark? Mine’s the tiger shark.”

    On countless trips to the aquarium with dad, Mary had taken to naming the sharks. Her favorite tiger shark, she had named Tony after her breakfast cereal a few years back.

    She waited for a response, but her mother just gave a noncommittal grunt. The car ride felt longer than usual, but Mary hadn’t noticed if it was the traffic or that it was just awkward. At long last, Mary’s mother swerved into a parking space, cutting off another driver.

    Mary’s stomach shot into her throat, and her eyes threatened to pop out of her skull when she got out of the car. Across the entrance of the aquarium was a banner for Autism Awareness Month. She prayed to whatever god would listen that her mother didn’t see it.

    She did.

    Fury flashed across her face as she stormed up to the entrance to tear down the sign. The shark killer returned, and as security dragged her mother away, screaming about the schools and MMR vaccines again, Mary could feel that she may never meet Tony and her other shark friends ever again.

    Reply
    1. Ethan Jesse Avatar
      Ethan Jesse

      The metaphors here are perfect! Consistency is always appreciated when I read things, which your language keeps up well. From “head sharks” to a “shark killer”, everything themes well and ties back to the main point of having an autistic protagonist.

      As another point, the story does well to create a general feeling of unease using a disinterested and unhinged parent. There’s a sympathy to be felt for the girl as she tries to connect with her mother only to be met with the barest of responses.

      Overall, it’s a well-conveyed story that ties back to the prompt in a subtle manner I didn’t even notice upon first reading, so good on you for its creation!

      Reply
    2. Boople Avatar
      Boople

      Damn, just damn. I’m aware it’s intentional, but the impact that ‘She did.’ had was remarkable. it is such a nice build up with such grounded characters, and although the shark girl wasn’t named you characterized her so damn well. this felt too real, from the conversation in the car to tony the tiger shark. this was a phenomenal bit of writing.

      If anything I’d say that the ending could be explored or emphasized more, though looking at the text I’m guessing you are already near if not at the word count. like the smack in the face that ‘She did.’ has I feel like begs for a more climactic or impactful end to follow.

      This is a piece of writing to look up to, keep it up!

      Reply
    3. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This story is nice and effective. It tells us a lot about the characters in a a very short story. Mary seems like a nice kid, and that makes the part where her mother lashes out and takes her away from the aquarium all the more painful. Also, the part with the vaccines, it’s… too real.

      Good job!

      Reply
  30. Tamela Redfin Avatar
    Tamela Redfin

    That was Unplanned
    By Tamela Redfin

    A few years passed and Mica and Sapphira started dating. It was now early summer, and Sapphira had been very tired recently. But something worried her more; she was late.

    “Hey Sapph, how’s my girl?” Mica cooed. He laid beside her. “Are you okay?”

    “Mica… I think I might be pregnant.” Sapphira whispered.

    Mica’s eyes nearly popped out. “What? I mean that one night happened, but… can we find out?”

    “I mean, I could buy a test, but we can’t let anybody else find out. They. Will. Kill you.”

    Sapphira wore a large hoodie when they went to the drugstore. She picked out three tests to purchase. “I’d like to buy these.”

    Sapphira felt her face burn as she paid for them and went home. Thankfully, that day, nobody was there.

    Three minutes never took so long.

    The first was positive. The second one came back negative. The third? Sapphira held her breath. Another positive. She collapsed to the ground in tears.

    She heard the door be pushed open and Mica enter. “What happened?”

    She looked at him through her teary eyes “I am. Oh Mica. What do we do?”

    He gently squeezed her hand. “We’re going to handle this together, Sapph. My dad wasn’t there and I don’t want this child to grow up without one. Sapph, we need to tell them. I’ll talk to my mom about it first.”

    Sapphira and Mica threw away the tests and held hands as they walked over to Jezebel. They noticed she was hugging a man who looked like Mica.

    “Mom… I think Sapphira’s…wait who’s that?”

    Jezebel looked at Mica. “I’d like you to meet your father, Sal. Now what were you going to tell me?”

    Mica fell silent, so Sapphira blurted out, “I might be pregnant, Ms Granite. Uh, welcome to the family, Sal!”

    Sal and Jez stared at them before taking Sapphira to the hospital to see if this was true.

    Reply
    1. C. M. Weller Avatar
      C. M. Weller

      This is way more supportive than I remember a lot of your prior continuity. It’s nice to see the family banding together instead of tearing each other apart. That said, I think Reagan might have some sharp words about the revelation. If I remember Reagan correctly.

      It’s an odds-evens bet that Augen is going to mess this up for everyone. Though I can still hope he doesn’t.

      Reply
  31. Marx Avatar
    Marx

    If I Could Begin to Be, Half of What You Think of Me
    By Marx

    “I can’t believe you convinced me to do this, Old One,” Yelena sighed, looking at the void surrounding them. “We shouldn’t be here. No one should be here.”

    The Old One chuckled. “And yet, here we are. You’re safe.”

    “I know I’m safe. I’m with you, but-… we shouldn’t be here. We’re outside of time.” She looked around again. “For all we know, we’re outside of reality itself…”

    The Old One continued to smile. “You’re not used to breaking rules for the fun of it, are you?”

    Yelena sighed again in exasperation before smiling back. “I’m an angel. I was created to follow orders. That said… being here… is rather thrilling.”

    “There are benefits to breaking the occasional rule, Yelena.”

    There was a pause as Yelena smiled only for that smile to fade into thoughtfulness. “What is your name, Old One?”

    Another pause.

    “Old Ones being… mostly solitary beings, we have no need for names. Except when we find our soulmate. Then we name each other.”

    “Ah…” Yelena murmured, looking away.

    “As such, my name died long ago. With my previous soulmate.”

    “My deepest apologies. I didn’t mean to-” Yelena froze as she truly heard what was said and that single word echoed in her mind. “…previous?”

    The Old One smirked, reveling in Yelena’s flushed cheeks and the quickening of her breath. “Am I being presumptuous?”

    Yelena looked down, hiding behind her long, blonde hair before she finally said, “No… You are not…”

    “Then it is rather fortuitous that you wish for me to have a name then, is it not?”

    “Does… that mean you’ll name me too?”

    The Old One chuckled. “If you wish. However, I think Yelena is a beautiful name. And you seem to rather enjoy when I say it.”

    Yelena began to fidget awkwardly. “You aren’t supposed to notice that. I just… think it unfair you use my name and I cannot use yours. Are you sure this is what you want?”

    “I can think of nothing more fitting than hearing my name on your lips.”

    Yelena blushed furiously, taking a deep breath. “No pressure then…”

    Reply
    1. Boople Avatar
      Boople

      It’s a lovely story, the otherworldliness of the characters adds an ethereal texture to the piece. and you handled the character very well. love that the old ones name each other, that’s really sweet and does to a degree add to the otherness of them. also just the simple dynamic of angel and eldritch entity is pleasing to my imagination. Admittedly I am confused how this relates to the prompt though. still Well done!

      Reply
  32. The Cartographers Notebook Avatar
    The Cartographers Notebook

    Rainclouds
    by The Cartographers Notebook
    based on a true story

    I was sitting on the window still. Below me, the schoolyard echoed with laughter, contrasting the void of the empty classroom.
    That’s when it clicked. That’s when that terrible thought wormed its way into my inner horizon like a dark storm cloud.

    That’s the day when I grew up.

    The cloud hung over me for the next couple of hours.
    We had math. I don’t remember what we worked with. Pythagoras’ equation suddenly didn’t seem that important.

    Break. I went for a walk. Waiting, praying for it to go away. It wouldn’t. The street smelled of warm asphalt baking, but the rain was pouring over me.

    I often look back at that day. I went home. I knew what those thoughts would lead to if I did nothing. That’s what happened to one of my classmate’s dad in 5th grade. I would not let it happen.

    I talked with my parents. Thank god I talked with my parents. I remember their faces when I tried to describe it, stumbling over my own words, not wanting to say it so as to not give it validation. But I forced it out.

    That afternoon is one of the most unmistakable in my memory. I remember the words said, the lighting in the classroom, and that crushing feeling followed by panic. Like drowning in your thoughts.

    Since then I left my school. I got friends. Real friends. The world got brighter. And slowly but surely the cloud parted from above my head. I felt sunrays on my face for the first time in years.

    The cloud is still there. In the back of my head. But I’m no longer drowning in its downpour. I can breathe.

    The cloud is a part of me. I will never be free of it. At least not fully. I will always remember that day in spring, but I can see clearly now.
    But it will never dominate my skies, ever again. I won’t allow it.

    Reply
    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      That one struck like a brick.

      I can feel that something heavier hit than just realizing that you’re not a kid anymore, like a depression or a realization of trauma, but I might be reading into it too much.

      Your emotions come through very clearly here. The heavy air, the weight of the thing you confessed to your parents, all of it is tangible. Excellent work there.

      But I will say it feels like something is missing, to me. Maybe nothing is and I simply can’t see it, but I want there to be a ray of hope somewhere.

      The resolve to keep going is good. I like that. But it feels like it wants hope. Yes I know this is a personal story, but perhaps that’s just what I look for in all stories.

      Anyway, applause and hugs are offered if you wish to accept them.

      Reply
      1. The Cartographers Notebook Avatar
        The Cartographers Notebook

        Thank you so much for the kind words.

        As you said this is a very personal story, so I won’t elaborate too much on the true meaning of the story. But I will say that you haven’t read too much into my choice of words. As for the sentence, “That’s the day when I grew up”, it is supposed to stand as a consequence to “the thought”. So no you are not reading too far into it 😀

        Thanks a lot for commenting on my descriptions. They are one of my personal favorites to work with, so hearing that they work is very satisfying.

        As for your thought on feeling that something is missing, a lack of hope and such, and the entire rest of that paragraph, I find it very accurate.
        This story is about 90% reality, 10% fiction. Therefore the story reflects reality to a very big degree. I didn’t put any padding on the story since I also wrote it as a sort of closure project.

        But I see your points. It has given me a lot to think about. Any amount of hugs and applause will be accepted 😀
        Thanks for reading!

        Reply
    2. Ethan Jesse Avatar
      Ethan Jesse

      Ah, here’s somethin’! I must credit you for never outright stating what it is the protagonist is feeling. While it’s implied, by my interpretation, to be some sort of depression or thoughts of self-harm, it could really be anything, and isn’t thrusted forward with self-insistency.

      I also appreciate the uplifting, yet realistic ending. It’s one that shows progress, proudly declaring that the “cloud” can be overcome, but it still reminds the reader that it is not something that will simply disappear. Wonderful work, my friend, and I look forward to seeing what you may create with a greater word limit!

      Reply
      1. The Cartographers Notebook Avatar
        The Cartographers Notebook

        Thank you so much!
        This story holds a very big role in my own life, so seeing that i could do it jsutice is very good to hear.
        Im glad that the vagueness of the “cloud”, didnt result in the story being worse. I kept it that way both for personal reasons, since the story is based strongly on my own experiences, but also to keep it more open for the reader.

        Also good to here that the ending worked. I struggled a little to find the right way to conclude the story without either disregarding the weight of the experince, or leaving the reader feeling hopeless. So im happy that what i ended up with worked for the purpose.

        As for longer work with more words, I am actually working on something! Its still in the beginning stages, but I want to write a bigger piece. I really enjoy these short prompt assignments because I can get something done fairly quickly. But I would love to make something bigger.

        Thanks for reading 😀

        Reply
  33. Alex Avatar
    Alex

    Hog-Back Riding (Exile Universe)
    By Alex Nightingale (aka Spectre)

    The boar was the size of a fully grown grizzly, as Saebra spotted it from her hiding spot in the shrubbery. As far as she could tell, the boar hadn’t spotted her yet. It was rummaging through the dirt with its snout. There were still reigns attached to it and the torn remnants of a saddle were visible on its back.

    Saebra had to exert enormous control to keep her tail from moving. She adjusted the straps over her tough, ranger clothing and checked that her poisoned darts and arrows were safely stored. She didn’t want any of them slipping and hitting the boar. She wanted it alive and, if possible, docile, preferably without chemicals.

    So, Saebra did what she did best. She waited; waited, until the boar had moved closer to her hiding spot. This was her chance.

    Saebra crouched silently, took one deep breath and pounced. It was an impeccable landing, hitting the saddle remnants on the boar’s back. She immediately grabbed the reins and not a moment too soon. The massive hog buckled, trying to throw her. Its loud shrieks rang in her ears and she had to resist the temptation to cover them. Doing so, would have forced her to drop the reins. More than once, the boar’s back hit her in the face, with one of the bristles nearly poking out her eye. Shaken back and forth, the stench of the war beast stung in her nose.

    Her leg slipped and she almost fell under the boar’s massive legs. One stomp from its hooves would crush her, clothes, flesh and bones. She just barely clung on to its side, forcing herself back into a stable position. Her head throbbed and the world spun, as she was thrown around in a contest of endurance.

    It took her until sundown, until the boar finally gave in. Panting and exhausted, she collapsed onto the beast’s back, giving herself a moment of peace, before steering the beast back to her hideout. The fight was over and ideally, she wouldn’t have to again. Now, it was time to befriend it.

    Reply
    1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      (I’m doing a review session on my phone while I’m out and about, so I hope it’s okay I’m commenting here!)

      This is a very fun story, and an intriguing introduction to a new exile character. I wonder, is she/will she become a part of the team we’ve come to know?

      “The boar was the size of a fully grown grizzly,”
      —I don’t know much about grizzlies but that sounds HUGE

      “ There were still reigns attached to it and the torn remnants of a saddle were visible on its back.”
      —That’s interesting. Is boar riding common in exile? Are there no horses?

      “ Saebra had to exert enormous control to keep her tail from moving.”
      —Oh? Why is that? Is it just like a reflex?

      “ She wanted it alive and, if possible, docile, preferably without chemicals.”
      —i like this and am intrigued by it

      “ Its loud shrieks rang in her ears and she had to resist the temptation to cover them.”
      —Oof, yeah, I can totally hear that

      “ More than once, the boar’s back hit her in the face, with one of the bristles nearly poking out her eye. Shaken back and forth, the stench of the war beast stung in her nose.”
      —I really like how sensory this is! I can really imagine myself in her place.
      (Though, I will say, I misread it as “the stench of war” and that is a beautiful image for future use XD)

      “It took her until sundown, until the boar finally gave in.”
      —Daaaang!!!

      “The fight was over and ideally, she wouldn’t have to again. Now, it was time to befriend it.”
      —That’s a really interesting way to end it. Sometimes these scenes start with the befriending, it’s fascinating that the forceful taming must come first, and the gentle friendship second

      Great job!!

      Reply
    2. Shinigama Avatar
      Shinigama

      That was a fun story and an interesting take on the prompt. The prompt sounds as though it has a negative undertone to it, but here it’s more positive – Saebra has accomplished her mission, has managed to bend the boar to her will for hopefully the last time. I also really love your descriptions of the wild ride on the boar’s back.

      Small nitpick here, in the penultimate line, you write “… she wouldn’t have to again.” I presume you mean to write “Wouldn’t have to DO IT again.”

      Anyway, that’s a minor critique, all in all a really fun story.

      Reply
  34. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
    Dagmar Makara (dystop)

    The Bones on The Thames
    by Dystop

    A despondent, swamp-filled fog rolled over the banks of the Thames.

    Only two souls were brave, or stupid enough to be out there on a boat that night. Bone hunters.

    “The ghosts of ghosts fetch a pretty price on the pitch-black market”.

    “You’re lousy with poetic irony, Jack” smirked Hayley.

    “Tell me something I don’t know. The bones around here have whispers we can capture; we could make a lotta money- “

    “Jack, this isn’t worth it.”

    Hayley was uneasy and could tell something was wrong. Jack was glimpsing the marrow, yes. But he was unusually enthralled, mesmerised.

    She clicked her fingers three times in rapid succession.

    “Jack!”

    “…yeah, what?” he retorted with an air of pomposity; like he never needed help.

    This was far from the truth.

    “What now?”, said Hayley.

    “I think it’s obvious– we plunder the damn thing, we haven’t come all this way just to glance at its splendour, we need it to buy relics.”

    “Jack, that’s mesmerism talking” – interjected Hayley.

    “Oh, screw you! You just don’t wanna take any risks, right?! You don’t wanna get involved in anything precarious or hazardous. You, hah, YOU- Hayley, aren’t cut out for THIS,” he bitterly scorched.

    “Jack, this isn’t you. You recall what hypnotic zugzwang is?”

    “Any move is a bad move, it’s lose-lose.”

    “That’s you right now Jack.”

    “I’ll throw it into the river, lose it to time– it’s better than us becoming lost to these waters” implored Hayley.

    “Your breath is acetic. Like vinegar,” he snarled, flummoxed by her seemingly mocking poker-face.

    “Jack…”

    “Shut the hell up– you’re always like this, reluctant, noncommittal, avoidant, you’re a little- “

    “JACK!”, Hayley cut off his punchline.

    “Do you really despise me? Hate me? Detest my very being? Disdain me up close and loathe me from afar?”

    “I… no… I, I don’t know… I feel all muddled. I’m disjointed at the joints, I’m convoluted hodgepodge.”

    “Then we throw that damned thing into the river!”

    As it sank and drifted to the depths, their boat rolled away on clouds of smog.

    “I’m never doing this again,” mumbled Jack.

    Reply
    1. Alex Avatar
      Alex

      This is an interesting story. I really like Jack’s and Hayley’s dynamic here. While it seems clear that Jack is only saying these things because he’s under hypnosis, but I get the sense that there is deeper substance here, like the charm is tapping into an already present feeling.

      The atmosphere is also really tense here. The opening lines describing the Thames is pretty good at setting a very spooky scene. I do agree with Hayley though, that Jack is a bit melodramatic (not meant as a criticism).

      Well done!

      Reply
  35. C. M. Weller Avatar
    C. M. Weller

    Consequences? From MY Actions? [A Devil’s Tale]
    C. M. Weller

    His head still hurt like someone had put an axe through it. Not fair. He’d saved a life, he should be rewarded. Now knew what happened when he changed the fate he foresaw thanks to that bottle of Green Mist.

    Kosh had stopped Tansie from pushing him off the wall Tansie had finally finished. Which also prevented his own bodyguard from slaughtering Tansie on the spot. Maybe he shouldn’t have done it by goading the man INTO pushing him off.

    Tansie jumped. Kosh jumped after. Catching the man and slowing their fall into a survivable deposit on solid ground. It was a pig pen so… solid-ish ground. They were alive. That was the point.

    He had to be alive, because there wasn’t that much pain anywhere else. And somewhere on the periphery of his attention, someone was investigating his toes. He risked cracking open an eye and the light added daggers into his skull.

    “Aie… ow,” he whispered.

    A small child was determinedly trying to see if his toes were detachable.

    “Kleine, it doesn’t come off.” He turned his attention to Bothari. “Who’s this?”

    The Earl Kormwind Arachis Felbourne Whitekeep, ninth of the name, known only in his own head as Kosh, was introduced to several things in short order. Tansie’s son and heir, Garibald. Gari for short. The fact that changing fate fucking HURT… and the relative relief of elderflower balm added to his eyelids.

    Kosh’s guards were quick to take him back to Whitekeep Castle, where is lady was waiting for confirmation of her own identity. Her Druidic gifts were more than brilliant at easing his pain as well as concocting a better balm to serve between her treatments.

    The instant he seemed to be getting better, she also gave him a solid talking-to about messing with new gifts or curses, just to find the limits. She would very much like it if he stopped trying to hurt himself, henceforth.

    “I’m not inclined to repeat the experiment, schatz,” he soothed. “But I am also not inclined to let somebody die when I can prevent it.”

    Reply
    1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      Love the title! And the story. Also, I too as a child made sure my toes stayed on. XD

      Reply
      1. C. M. Weller Avatar
        C. M. Weller

        The kid’s trying to take off Kosh’s toes tho. Lol.

        Reply
    2. Makokam Avatar
      Makokam

      I like it, but I’m not sure I follow the chain of events.

      Originally, Tansie pushed him off a wall so Kosh’s bodyguard killed Tansie. Yes? Why did tansie push him off a wall?

      And Kosh’s plan to stop this was to goad Tansie into pushing him off because… He would be fine and the guard would see he asked for it so not kill Tansie?

      They did land safely though, right? His pain and incapacitation was backlash from changing fate? But don’t you have him going off to change fate in another story, where he saw an assassination? Does he just deal with this on the regs?

      And I’m just imagining a conversation like, “is he dead?”
      “If his toes don’t come off he’s not dead yet.”
      [Pulls on his toes]

      Reply
      1. C. M. Weller Avatar
        C. M. Weller

        The very small child’s actions are unrelated to prophetic shenanigans. [it should surprise nobody that I have >1 chapter relating to this event lol]

        Timeline is more or less correct:

        1. Kosh saw ‘shadows’ showing him that Tansie was going to shove him off the wall.
        2. Kosh played head games with the man and finally goaded him into the act, initially planning to slow his fall and hop back to the wall no harm done to save Tansie’s life, if not his position
        3. Tansie, fully convinced Kosh could read his mind and knew everything, jumped
        4. ohfrik.jpg
        5. Kosh takes action to save Tansie’s life and they land safely in the pig pen
        6. The forces of fate decided that messing with the future was a no-no

        As time passes [and Cordelia intervenes] the consequences for messing with the future ease.

        Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *