Writing Group: A Proposition (PRIVATE)

Hello Scholars, Schemers, and Schmucks!

My dears, I have a proposition for you. I propose that we write good stories, about a great many things, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

A Proposition

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

All too often in fiction one character walks up to another with the simple words “I have a proposition for you” and either epicness or shenanigans ensue…or both. Propositions come in many forms, and can lead to both positive and negative results.

One area of life in which propositions are common is in business. Perhaps your character is a businessman who is offered a new opportunity to grow their business…but at the price of their soul. (Either by selling out, or by literally making a pact with a demon). Or perhaps they are an honest businessman, and refuse the proposal outright. Or maybe your group is a ragtag team of criminals, and are offered a proposition for a new and exciting crime.

Or maybe you want to write about a literal proposal. At dinner, one significant other says to the other “I propose we spend the rest of our lives together.” Or maybe it’s a proposal of marriage between kingdoms through a prince and princess. 

Not all proposals have to be shady. Your character could propose that their family goes to the beach that day. Or they could be sitting with their crush and propose a kiss. Or they could be sitting on the couch with their significant other and propose that they get a cat. 

This prompt is about a proposition, but the proposition doesn’t necessarily have to occur within the story itself. Perhaps your character is facing the consequences of accepting a certain proposal, and is reminiscing about that proposition within your story. Often characters (and real people) accept deals without knowing the full ramifications of the deal. 

Speaking of which…it could be a trick. Villains often make proposals without explaining all the rules. Your character might accept a ticket to a new country, not realizing that they will be a servant, or worse, in that new country. Or maybe it’s a little more overt: the villain’s proposal could be, essentially, “do what I want, or die.” Villains aren’t the only ones who make false proposals. Maybe a princess offers to marry the villain to buy the hero time to rescue the captives. Sometimes heroes try to weasel out of agreements and get everything they want too. 

Just because the prompt is about a proposition doesn’t mean your character has to accept the proposal either. One is made, that’s all we know. You could play around with how your character reacts, and whether or not they accept. Sometimes the most dramatic stories are those in which the hero vehemently rejects a certain proposal they know to be deceptive. 

For your challenge this week I propose that you play with the unexpected. Propositions often don’t go the way we think they will. Whether that’s through a trick, or loophole, or because we THINK we’re going to be tricked…when everything is actually perfectly legitimate. Keeping the audience on their toes and subverting their expectations can be a difficult thing to do. And while shock value is something that can indeed create the unexpected, I’m referring to something more difficult; crafting the story in such a way that we aren’t expecting the ending…but not just because it comes out of nowhere, rather because the truth is there the whole time, but we can’t see it. This is far more challenging in my mind. 

Remember, these challenges aren’t mandatory! They are meant to be a fun bonus if you’d like to have a little extra challenge. But, if you don’t want to use them, please don’t feel obligated to!

Now, tell me…do we have a deal?

—Kaylie

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least five stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

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Comments

64 responses to “Writing Group: A Proposition (PRIVATE)”

  1. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “The Price of Tragedy” (Fyndveld) (CW: violence against women, implied industrial accident)
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane

    An elf in a custom three-piece suit propped up his feet as his servant dragged in a raven-haired troll woman. Her right eye was swollen shut and her breathing was heavy. Whether her clothes were disheveled from working in his smithy or from the beating his overseers had given her, the gentleman neither knew nor cared. The troll was in his office, and that’s all he really wanted at the moment.

    The diminutive man with dusty skin the color of sandstone dragged the troll twice his size across the floor with ease. With one fluid motion, the kobold flung her in front of his boss’s desk.

    The elf pushed back the delicious idea of his workers’ fear and put his feet down. “My, my, Miss Arlwitz. You’ve been a naughty girl.”

    “Bite it, Mallaby,” Arlwitz retorted. “And it’s still MISSUS Arlwitz.”

    “Sure,” Mallaby replied. “I understand that grief can be hard on a new widow, especially one with children.”

    Arlwitz spat in Mallaby’s direction. “Spare me your lies, devil!”

    “Devil?” Mallaby stood up. “My dear Miss Arlwitz, I understand your anger. I do. Accidents happen. The machinery malfunctioned. For that I am truly sorry.”

    “If you think that you can write off my husband’s death as an accident, think again!”

    Mallaby clicked his tongue and shook his head. “Miss Arlwitz, I implore you to listen. Mister Arlwitz’s death voids our agreement. We’ll need to make a new one.”

    Arlwitz looked into her employer’s face. It was as if a light had come on. “You snake! That’s what this was about?! Business?!”

    “No! This about your funeral expenses. Your children!”

    Arlwitz fell silent, her jaw tensing. She already knew what that would mean. Her husband would be put in a Mallaby Metalworks brand coffin and buried in Mallaby Metalworks Company Cemetery. The expenses would be taken out of her paycheck, but she’d still be able to buy bread from the Mallaby Metalworks Company Store. It wasn’t ideal, but what other choice did she have?

    “Alright,” she said with a gulp. “I’m listening.”

    Mallaby smirked. “Good. I was hoping you’d say that.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That is dreadful… and quite real.

      And I won’t lie, when I got to the part in which it is a relief that she will keep the benefit of buying bread from the company store, Sixteen Tons started playing in my head.

      And the connection of the song and the music is even more dreadful. Death itself does not free working people from the debts they are forced to take on to companies.

      Well, this is a very well-written story, and one that leaves us with a terrible taste in our mouths. A particularly like this take on “a proposition”. Yeah, it is a proposition, but is really there any option?

      I understand this is part of a larger universe, so my next comment most probably is not as pertinent. I’m a bit on the fence on the effect the fantasy elements have on the story. In a way, I think they distance us a bit from it, protecting the reader to really grasp how this exact situation were and are part of our history and economic system. But considering that this is ALSO happening in this fantastic universe you are writing about, it seems like it comments on the pervasive cruelty of business way of thinking and operating. As a short story, I think it would be more impactful without the fantasy elements. But they don’t detract from the story, in any way. I just think they establish a kind of interface that protects the reader of seeing this reality closer than we would like it to be. Still, as I said before, this comment is probably not all that pertinent, all things considered.

      Thanks a lot for sharing. This was a striking one.

  2. Norman Gray Avatar
    Norman Gray

    A Clever Fool
    By Norman Gray

    Mayhew hardly recognized her, at first.

    Victoria sat alone, swirling a glass of red wine in her hand… She was wearing an elegant black dress, her face adorned with makeup, her hair so perfectly coiffed it almost looked like a wig.

    Mayhew approached her table.

    “I ordered us lobster,” Vicky said, “I hope you’ll stay for dessert, they have lovely tiramisu here.”

    He seated himself across from her. “You were expecting me?”

    “Of course! After hearing about your little… Incident, I just knew you’d come looking for me.” She placed an elbow on the table, and rested her chin in her hand, staring at him. “Should I feel flattered by your brave display of affection?”

    God, he felt like such an idiot.

    What he’d done was nearly impossible; infiltrating the prisoner holding transport, breaking open her stasis chamber…

    The only problem, was that she wasn’t in it. Somehow she’d disappeared without raising an alarm… Mayhew however, had left a trail of evidence behind. Now, everyone knew.

    “None more foolish than a man who thinks he’s clever.” She smirked. “What were you expecting Mr. Mayhew, hmmm? That you’d free this helpless damsel, and we’d run away to some faraway corner of the cosmos together?”

    He sighed in frustration… How naïve she made it all sound. “They’re not onto me, yet. But they’ll figure it out eventually.”

    “Not if you sabotage the investigation,” she proposed.

    “I won’t.” He told her.

    “You must.” She replied. “You’ve compromised me… Covering up the mess you’ve made is the least you can do.”

    “And if I don’t?” He asked.

    “Then I’ll implicate you… You’ll be put in stasis, and no doubt they’ll be upgrading security, after what you did. No chance of escape.”

    He was furious. At her. At himself. “You could’ve told me.”

    “Told you what, exactly? That I had a plan?”

    “You know you could’ve trusted me.”

    “And you know, that I trust no one.”

    Their food arrived, but Mayhew wasn’t hungry. His stomach felt sick. “I’m a fucking criminal now.”

    Victoria cracked her lobster tail, dipping it in butter. “Exhilarating, isn’t it Detective?”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I love your Victoria and Mayhem stories… and although I’m still partial to the first one, I’m feeling inclined to consider this the best one so far.

      There is so, so much in such a short story! This presents each character very well, as well as the complications of their relationship and the views they have on the world at large. It is also a pretty good set up for the whole story, and I just loving seeing that Victoria had a way out – which goes really against what I at first thought would be the story (though we had already talked about it and you have said she was free and at large in the future), but I just adore that she had her way out and his attempt at freeing her made things more complicated. This was very well-crafted, and it makes the new development a very thrilling one – things aren’t solved. They are different. The places each one occupied have, in a sense, inverted (Mayhem is now a prisoner of his actions, and Victoria seems to be in her element more than he ever was in his). This is a new set up, even more dramatic than the last one and with even more things unsolved. And their relationship is more tense. This is just drama gold, and it is great for that neo-noir vibe.

      Also, that ending is very on brand.

      Great story. Amazing one. Thanks a lot for sharing it.

      One small thing… the comma in this sentence: ““And you know, that I trust no one.”… that comma just does not feel right. I understand you want to convey a dramatic pause in her speech, but I think an ellipsis would represent it better. A comma breaks the sentence structure.

  3. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    Here’s an Idea
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    Hey, here’s an idea.

    It’s a good idea. Great idea. Wonderful, even. Just hear me out, okay?

    Just keep working. Finish the projects. Crush the deadlines. Just get it all over with, right now. Who needs breaks, anyway? You’re almost done. Taking a break right now seems counterproductive, doesn’t it? This couch isn’t that comfy, is it?

    I mean it, you’re ALMOST done. The finish line is right there! C’mon, just a few hours ago you were tackling everything the world was throwing at you, no problem! What’s stopping you now—

    “Here’s an idea, inner monologue. Why don’t you just frick right off?”

    … Oh. Sorry. I didn’t realize you were upset.

    “Weren’t paying attention to my breathing or heart rate, were you?”

    Your circulatory and respiratory systems are not my concern. I’m concerned with everything you are supposed to be doing, and why you aren’t doing it. Again, the finish line! Let’s reach it! Why stop now?

    “Because I’m tired.”

    Ridiculous, you’ve had regular sleep and caffeine today—

    “I’m mentally tired. I can’t keep doing this.”

    Why not? You’re almost done. Don’t you want to be done?

    “Maybe I should just be done now.”

    But you’re not done with—

    “I know! I’m saying maybe I should quit. Just give up, if I’m not allowed—allowing myself, I mean—to take breaks. All or nothing.”

    “…”

    Maybe we should take some time off.

    “Yeah. Let’s do that.”

    And we’re going to be okay.

    “… Yeah. It just might take a while.”

    … I’m sorry for not letting us take a break earlier.

    “It’s alright.”

    Friends?

    “Friends.”

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      There isn’t one person in this writing group that hasn’t probably had this argument at some point. Personally, my inner monologue is probably is more often right. Most our arguments go something like: “Alright you gotta do this.” “Or what?” “If you do this, we can do other thing after.” “But why can’t I do it now?” “Huh… good point.” If I listened to mine more, I probably would have a lot more done… But I’m getting a little off track here. This was a fun story. The inner monologue feels like a parody of an overly positive AI you’d see in a lot of Star Trek style stories that has little control over anything and no real self-awareness in regards to the crew it’s meant to be interacting with, and it’s hilarious! Thanks for sharing this!

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Curious coincidence, I was just yesterday remembering a short flash game from year’s past called Adventures with Anxiety, by Nicky Case. This style of dialogue reminded me a lot of it, and the way the things progresses as well…

      And this comparison in my view is high praise. It is very difficult to relay this issues without being a bit exhausting, sounding preachy, engaging in the kind of essentialist argument (emotions are good, emotions are bad), or seeming kind of like self-help literature. But here you manage to avoid all those pitfalls and went for something very interesting, well-written and with a very important take on it as well.

      This was really refreshing, and a very nice take on the prompt.

      And the inner monologue being overly positive is really an amazing touch. There is something to be said about how toxic positivity is becoming normalized in today’s parlance…

      Thanks a lot for sharing it!

  4. MasaCur Avatar
    MasaCur

    To Serve Queen and Country
    By MasaCur

    Cassidy was chained to the bench of the prison mess hall. As soon as she was secured, two men entered the otherwise empty room.

    The older of the two nodded to Cassidy. “Corporal Cruikshank, I take it? Unless you want to give us your real name.”

    Cassidy glared wordlessly.

    “I’m Marcus Richard. My associate is Agent Doyle. We’re here to offer you a deal.”

    “What sort of deal?” Cassidy asked.

    Richard stroked his moustache. “Well, normally when a soldier is discovered to be a woman, they are summarily discharged from the service, and nothing is made of it. But your commanding officer has charged you with espionage. The fact that you refuse to give your actual name isn’t helping your case.”

    “You haven’t answered my question. Sir.”

    Richard nodded. “Quite right. I propose that we absolve you of the charges against you. In exchange, you come work for me.” He removed an identity card from his jacket and placed it on the table in front of her. “Doyle and I work for Her Majesty’s Home Office for a small but dedicated bureau in service to the crown. Doyle is in need of a new partner.”

    Cassidy took a deep breath. “Why me?”

    “Because you had built quite the reputation in your service career. For a member of the weaker sex, you were known as something of a man of action.” Richard smiled at the humour of his comment. “Furthermore, we have a question about why you joined the army. Most women in the service followed a family member. Usually a husband or brother. You’ve given no indication that you have any such connection.”

    “And what would you need from me, sir?”

    “First thing we’ll need is your real name. After that, we will need you to pass our agent training course. Followed by at least five years of service with my bureau. If I’m right, I suspect that you would be happy to legitimately serve Queen and country.”

    Cassidy thought about the proposition for a few seconds. She nodded. “It’s Markham, sir. My name is Cassidy Markham.”

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      What if when Mulan was discovered by her peers, they were actually reasonable? I like how here (unlike most times this sort of situations is put into a story) the soldiers rather than the usually “we’re going to punish you” or “we’re going to get rid of you,” they actually take into consideration the fact that this person regardless of sex has managed to do great in their field and could be utilized as an asset, but also has reasonable skepticism that someone falsifying their identity has the potential to be a spy, but has decided to confront the person themselves rather than simply assume. (sorry for the overblown sentence) I also like the little bit of character development for Cassidy you managed to sneak into the story with the question of her true name, which made for a good way to end this piece. Well done with this one!

  5. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    Gamophobia
    by Lee Strangely

    Through the open window, the winds howled in and out of the room; past the flailing curtains and into the black night, they carried the echoes of his drumming heart. Only a small, beat-up desk lamp barely kept the darkness at bay. He stood hunched over the dresser, just barely within its flickering lamplight, staring down at the little black box.

    In his mind an army or voices repeated themselves over and over again, “Will you. Will you. Will you. WILL YOU…”

    “Right?” he kept muttered to himself, “is this right?” He looked up at the mirror, “Should I go through with this?”

    His gaze danced around the reflection of the distressed man looking back at him; looking past himself, he gravitated towards a crumbled up post-it note that hung to the glass by a thread.

    In red pen it said to him, “What do you want?”

    He grumbled to himself as he ripped the thing off and threw it away. His hand drifted towards the box yet again.

    They chanted to the heartbeat, “WIL-YU! WIL-YU! WIL-YU!” rising and quickening the closer he got to the box.

    BUM BA-BABUM BA-BABUM BA-BABUM.

    Centimeters from the box his hand recoiled; his head turned away as if to avert his eyes.

    “MA-RE! MA-RE! MA-RE!”

    From the outside, two blinding beams of light suddenly burst into the room. His wide eyes stared at the trembling silhouette they projected onto the wall. The lights only ceased upon the sound of a car door opening.

    BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM.

    “ME ME ME ME ME ME!”

    Ding-

    -dong.

    Everything went quiet.

    He looked back at the box one more time. The chant still whispered as he neared the box again; his hand was still hesitant…

    Ding-dong.

    Faster than light itself, the box went into his coat pocket, and swiftly the door was opened.

    “You ready?” she asked.

    “Yes. YES.” He rushed to respond, “I got the reservations and…” he couldn’t help but feel the box’s outline in his coat, “and everything. Everything’s set. Let’s go!”

    1. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      Okay, I wasn’t expecting that ending. At first, it sounded like a terrible moral dilemma. Even the point of “MA-RE” slipped by me. I didn’t realize the chant was “marry.” Perhaps if I knew that gamophobia was the fear of commitment, it wouldn’t have been such a surprise. Anyway, this was a sweet story, Lee. I enjoyed both the building tension and uncomfortable feelings of the protagonist, and the payoff of what he was struggling with. I hope he fights his fears, and takes a chance at happiness. Thanks for writing this.

  6. When Consequences Come Knocking
    by Gerrit (Rattus)

    Evading the military had been easier than Marik had expected. All he’d had to do was retreat to a ‘backwater’ planet, as they so eloquently put it, and the rest was easy. The harsh weather and intricate underground tunnels had done most of the work for him.

    That was before war came to his doorstep.

    These creatures, human only in silhouette, arrived without warning and began destroying indiscriminately. None of the locals had any idea what they were. Twisted facsimiles of humans at best, each one seemed the work of a wrathful God with no regard for their own creations. Their skin was off colour, their jaws too large, their eyes devoid of any positive emotions.

    Marik had taken to fighting them the moment news reached his ears. He had a people to defend, and he was the only one around who stood a chance against these monsters. Unfortunately, this act of heroism had been his downfall.

    “I commend your ability to evade us all these years, Marik.” General Olef’s voice was as rough as ever. “I’ll admit, another year or two and we may have given up.”

    “With how often your men failed to even get close to me, I assumed you already had.” Marik saw the familiar ire in Olef’s eyes that he had so often been on the receiving end of back in training.

    The circle of soldiers surrounding Marik tightened their grips on their rifles, each one trained directly at Marik’s head.

    “I would advise against any attempts at wit.” General Olef took one step towards Marik. “You have a choice. In light of this new enemy, we are willing to suspend the charges against you on the condition that you re-enlist as a private. Either that, or we can execute you here and now for your crimes.”

    “Damn, tough choice.” The rattling of guns pressed further in his direction reminded Marik of the situation’s gravity.

    “Choose wisely,” Olef smirked.

    Marik looked to his new company approaching quickly in the distance. “I believe you’ve forgotten about the third option.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Hm… I love the scene here, and the descriptions of the creatures sell an interesting story. I also like the voice you employed in the narration. This gives the story a specific tone that fits it very well. For the most part, it flows very natural and is quite engaging.

      That being said, I’m not that sold in the ending. I understand what you are going for, but I can’t help but imagine that, in this specific scenario, after having already said the orders are for either take Marik as a recruit here and there or executing him on the spot, trying to carve out a third option due to seeing the cavalry coming is not a good idea. Specially after annoying the one who would give the order to shoot. So I can exactly hold my suspension of disbelief for that ending to really land.

      All things considered, that’s a minor thing. I really enjoyed the overall ambiance and structure of the story, and perhaps it says more of my own perception of it than on how it flows that I was unable to take it with the levity it calls for.

      It was an enjoyable reading, regardless. Thanks a lot for sharing it!

      1. Thank you for the review! To be honest, I struggled a lot with the ending, and wasn’t that happy with what I decided on. I’m glad it wasn’t just my own paranoia haha

    2. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Oh? Is this a new universe? Or a one off? You have a particular knack for making even your one-offs seem like parts of fully-fledged universes XD

      The setting of the first paragraph is immediately fascinating, and then I love the drama of “That was before war came to his doorstep.”

      I must be in some kinda mood because “arrived without warning and began destroying indiscriminately.” I’m just imagining like a new neighbor arriving and bringing cookies and then just…pulling out a knife, making an anime face…and I don’t know why that’s funny to me. And then I got a similar image with “Marik had taken to fighting them the moment news reached his ears.” just like he sees the news and starts tearing everything around him apart immediately XD

      My weird moods aside, I loved your description of the creatures. “each one seemed the work of a wrathful God with no regard for their own creations. Their skin was off colour, their jaws too large, their eyes devoid of any positive emotions.”–This part especially. You did a great job with the intrinsic horror of something that is off, as opposed to being a terrifying beast.

      “Marik saw the familiar ire in Olef’s eyes that he had so often been on the receiving end of back in training.”
      –I like this description

      “Damn, tough choice.”
      –XD

      Sooo is the third option that Marik kills them all? Or something else?

      I honestly was really expecting Marik to be one of the inhuman creatures in the end–especially with the challenge I set.

      Maybe I wasn’t paying good enough attention, but the main critique I would have for you is…I don’t really understand why the military is after him. You set up the inhuman enemies so well that it seemed odd to me they really didn’t matter to the story in the end, it was the military who was after him.

      Nonetheless, I really enjoyed this story, and would be curious to read more from this universe!!

  7. Fog Wall Avatar
    Fog Wall

    “Castle Crashers”(DNA)
    ~Fog Wall

    The desk the old man sat at. The small barred windows just below the ceiling. This room felt out of place, as if removed from today in every possible way. Like a prison from the past, suited especially for this one man.

    He was a person of history and literature. A philosopher who carved his own paths and beliefs. With piles of books and paperwork effectively hiding the surface of almost everything. Including the old wooden floor. I could see him as only a silhouette from where I’d stood. A candlewicked antique oil lamp providing the only light source. 

    The man groaned and wheezed before letting out an extended fit of phlegm-filled coughs. His chair scratched the floor as he stood, grabbing a cane that hung off the chair’s back. He turned to me, holding a single paper.

    “You’re James, correct?” His golden mane of hair made his large nose and small eyes much more noticeable. “I have a proposition for you. Please, come here. Let me see you.”

    “Yeah, uh… Sure.” I crossed the small room in only a few strides, this was an impressive attic for an underground facility. Looking up at the windows, I could see the street’s foot traffic.

    “I’m sure you are feeling a little lost as well?”

    “Yeah actually. Why am I here? Why did you have Koalle stalk and recruit me? What importance was it to you to have that database?” My questions flowed like a river, my mind running wild with possibilities.

    The old man’s all-knowing, kindly smile could have seduced an entire room. “You’ll have all the answers in due time. For now, know that we’re the ones who fight for everybody below the bottle’s neck.” 

    He held out the paper. “You may call me Aiza. That data you procured for me…” He cleared his throat. “It covers building projects, sectional securements and the uplifting redistribution of people’s lives.” With a nod he indicated the paper he held.

    Taking it, I read three elegantly penned words. “What’s your cause?”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Ok, I will probably repeat myself, but I am really digging to where this is progressing. I already buy the world, and I really appreciate how different each of your stories fleshing it out can be – this one is, once again, very different in tone and pacing compared to the previous ones.

      That being said, that style of description is not exactly my cup of tea. Not bad, by any means, just not something I feel very qualified to comment on, on matters of taste.

      I also think this one is, so far, the one most dependent on knowledge of your previous stories for it to really land. It works as a scene, but too many information is left on the air (if I take just what is present here) for the impact of it all to work. What cause seems to be Aiza’s, besides what he presents by his own words. What stakes are there for the protagonist? Who is and how does Koalle factors in all this? I know the answer to all this questions – and it is because I know them that I can really appreciate the full story. If I didn’t know, I would probably still enjoy the scene and the implications, but the impact would be greatly diminished, and the world would not be as significantly interesting as I know it is. This may be a bit unfair as criticism goes, since most of the writers here are developing their worlds and presenting them a piece at a time, and once in a while they can give themselves the liberty of just relying on previous work (specially considering we have to dance around the word limit), but I still think it is important for us to remember the stories are meant to work on their own merit, and to understand how well they work on their own. This one works on their own, alright, but it is not the same as when it works as part of the collection you’ve been building so far.

      Also… I really love that ending. This seem so simple, but also it is a really good question (both in terms of story structure and the context of what is going on). And I really want to know how the protagonist answers it. Not only that, but I can’t help but imagine myself trying to answer such a question. Great effect.

      Thanks a lot for sharing this one!

      1. Fog Wall Avatar
        Fog Wall

        Thabk you for the feedback!
        I suppose I could probably lighten up on the descriptions, I’ll aim to lessen the overly detailed descriptions on future prompts.

  8. The Missing Link Avatar
    The Missing Link

    A Desire to Communicate (Space Squids)
    By: The Missing Link

    “The octopi have intercepted your transmission to God,” flashed across Orson’s display in bright, angry colors. Still reeling from the revelation that God was not a cephalopod, but one of those strange beings pictured in the glass and wood cases on the surface. God was a precursor.

    This was the worst time to be thinking about the octopi now that the squids were set to learn all there was to learn from the distant past. “Handle it,” he flashed across the input. He would not give up this opportunity, and handle it is something he believed Sea Control could do. His more immediate problem was one of communication.

    The image of God on the main screen kept moving what appeared to be its mouth, but it made no colors, had no tentacles to gesture with. Cephalopods had run into communication problems with intelligent life before. The octopi always seemed dim with two less tentacles to communicate with, and Orson himself found the nautilus sages’ language impossibly arcane, but this was different. It was communication, right?

    Luna stared at the transmission in awe. Squids on the moon. Now unable to distinguish herself from her observation pod, she had given her transmission a human face without thought. It wasn’t really her, but the problem remained that she did not speak squid.

    Back on old earth, she had a friend, Todd, insufferably hyper she thought, but maybe that was just his passion for his work. And for the first time in her millennia long… could she still call it life at this point, she was thankful that Todd was a marine biologist. She attempted to recall where his ramblings touched on mollusks and remembered that the colors and patterns they make were a primitive, maybe not so much at this point, form of communication. But how to use that? And so, she reviewed the first transmission and took a gamble.

    Orson’s fellow astronauts gathered around God’s display as it flashed calming colors with little real meaning, but he figured it meant, “Talk to me, please.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Something in this one reminds me of Ursula K. Le Guin’s The Author of the Acacia Seeds… most probably, the whole thinking about trying to discern languages that are based on a completely different medium than we are used to, and the dealing of how it would not be only more or less complex, but altogether OTHER.

      And the whole thing about trying to find a way to, even in the ignorance of each other’s language, communicate… that’s always a great thing. Well, no wonder it is your theme and your title. It works really well with that strange parallelism – the squids trying to reach for this strange precursor, who at first seemed like a deity, but now must also have knowledge of the past; and Luna having a break from her long, long isolation.

      If not for the small and giant thing that is a language barrier…

      Also, just the idea of squids and an artificially preserved last human trying to communicate is an amazing image.

      That whole series is quite fun. Oftentimes, fun and thought-provoking. And here specially, quite beautiful in its language. Thanks a lot for sharing!

      1. Fog Wall Avatar
        Fog Wall

        Space squid fun stuff! I found it to be rather entertaining and a pretty cool conception.

  9. No Warm Welcome Here, Go Somewhere Else
    By Taja DaLeen

    “Please stop staring at me like that. It’s making me feel weird.”

    “What? But we need to talk! Honestly, what’s -”

    “Oh, I wasn’t -”

    “Up with you lately?” The redhead crossed her arms, expecting an answer from her best friend.

    For a few moments they just looked at each other in silence, waiting for the other to speak up first. It was the redhead who broke it eventually.

    “We’re all worried about you, you know. Even Tom. Know what, how about a deal? You tell me what’s wrong with you lately, and I buy you that dress you wanted for a while.”

    Some more silence, during which the brunette nervously glanced to the side.

    “You think I should do this right now, no? That curious?”

    “Of course I think so! I want to help you!”

    “I’m not – nevermind.” Sighing she hid her face in her hands. She had always hated being watched, and this was even worse. It felt like she was on display, as if even her thoughts were an open book.

    “So, do we have a deal? Yes or no? Just think about the dress, dark blue, silky to the touch, the bits of black lace hugging your shoulders…”

    “Yea, yea, I get it. It’s just… difficult to talk about. Especially right now. I’m not sure… hey, you, don’t you even dare imagining me in that dress!”

    “What?” The redhead looked as if her best friend just slapped her. “Why should I…?”

    “Like I tried to say, I wasn’t talking to you, but to them! That weirdo has been watching me for a while now, always staring at me! Stop it! Go away!”

    “Honey, what…?”

    “Am I a protagonist in a story or what? Just leave me alone, this isn’t funny!”

    “Oh, is it some creepy medium again? You seem to be a magnet for those. Any way I can help? From which direction are you being watched?”

    “There.” Close to crying she pointed at you. Finally noticing you overstayed your welcome, you leave this place for another story.

    1. Adrian Solorio Avatar
      Adrian Solorio

      I see what you were going for here, and I applaud the effort. At some points it was a little confusing, but the idea was also a difficult one to land so to speak.

      I think this piece can really shine on a rewrite. I’d suggest speaker tags, and maybe a way to hint that the pov character is viewing these characters.

      It’s a tough task, especially with so little space, but I believe you can do it!

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Oh, that got me by surprise. And I love the surprise.

      I will disagree with Adrian in regards to how much the twist should be planted beforehand here. What I liked was how it appears somewhat out of the blue, and we are them forced into the story (and in a terrible and creepy position, at that). The effect this has was great. And it makes some of the discomfort that the brunette one is feeling before makes more sense. Both the comments on her thoughts being an open book (and, well, not really a book due to the length, but close enough!) and the distress of being socially anxious… those are great.

      It must be terrible to realize you are the protagonist of one story. Too much attention, too much pressure.

      So, yeah, I think this could be polished a little bit, but I also think the surprise and twist should be as it is. To my eyes, it landed perfectly.

      The thing that broke the flow to me was the sentence: “That curious?”. I really don’t understand what it tries to convey here, and it breaks a bit of the flow…. and in this story in particular, I thing the flow must be as smooth as possible, so that when we crash into realization, we are not bracing for it and have the full impact of the crash!

      Thanks a lot for sharing this one. This was a very fun and surprising one!

  10. Aracnarquista Avatar
    Aracnarquista

    Musings: Terpsichore’s Call
    by Aracnarquista

    They were, at once, One, Three and Nine. It was always One that communicated (if I said merely spoke, I’d be diminishing their presence), and while doing so, they were always One of the Nine… and also, always All of the Three.

    I can’t quite convey their effect. I don’t think they are meant to be understood.

    The One (and Three, and Nine) that talked to me (and words were not her favored means of giving form to ideas) was at once graceful and violent. Her messages lacked definition, but they buried themselves deep in my heart.

    “I don’t understand what you want from me.”

    The pain in my heart made itself clearer, and sharper.

    “What we want is the same as you want. Stories. That you take the thorn in your flesh and grow it into a forest, so that others can be pierced by it.”

    “What kind of stories?”

    “It is not for us to decide. It is not for you to decide. Stories have their own ways of growing. What kind of gardener are you?”

    Each one of her arguments was a dance move. She was not only approaching, but also stepping with more force and intent. Not in a threatening way. It was an invitation, and I wasn’t stepping back. I held my ground, as her dance partner. The Nine smiled. The Three observed.

    “Your inspiration is not easily conveyed through words, and I’m a writer.”

    The movement of the One was a fierce one, cutting the air in front of her and opening a new venue through where our dance could continue.

    “So make your words do more than write. You’ve done that in the past. You are doing it now. Are you only a writer?”

    “I am tired.”

    “You are. But do you want to stop?”

    The song (the song I didn’t know was playing, but which is always playing) stopped. I stepped up.

    She, they, took me in their arms, and we danced.

    Her feet risked the floor, my pen dipped in ink, and my fingers drummed the keyboard.

    Song and stories continued.

    1. Adrian Solorio Avatar
      Adrian Solorio

      Mmmm, this is like a dark version of the writing muse come to life. This makes sense that the apparition is a confusing mixed up thing, cause writing is tough, painful, and the demons, the self-doubt, the imposter syndrome, are visceral things we all feel.

      But if it’s so painful, why do we continue to write? If it torments us so, why do we go on?

      Your POV character answered it. Because we must! It’s what we do!

      Hoorah for writers! The neurotic twisted masochist we are, hurrah!!!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for the comment and feedback!

        Well, I usually state that one of the things I like the most about writing stories and receiving feedback is knowing how each reader interpret different aspects of the writing. And I really like how for you the muse appearing as a multiplicity can mean how complex the whole act of writing can be, and how it can be populated by different and even contrasting feelings and ideas…

        This was not a easy story to settle in. I had tried three other stories before finally editing this one, and all of them were quite different than that one (which, in a sense, is a compliment on how open the prompt is this time… I usually have more than just one idea for each prompt, but they tend to have something in common. This time, not so much), and going back to the theme I most often deal with – writing itself – seemed appropriate.

        And wasn’t the prompt a call to write itself? A proposition, one could say? So, yeah, why not? Bring up the muses and deal with how inspiration works!

        Thanks a lot for the comment!

        1. Adrian Solorio Avatar
          Adrian Solorio

          Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I appreciate you sharing how you came up with the story. It’s interesting to read how someone else comes up with their ideas, and how they go about the writing process 🤓

    2. Fog Wall Avatar
      Fog Wall

      A thought provoker for sure. This passage, given all of the three, one, three and nine, given their independants, these muses debate and deliberate in their own verses.

      It left me a little weary for thought, the way you’ve written it. I’m reading over my morning coffee, and may just be missing the indicators of who’s doing what, but then again, as the first line says, all three are a part of the nine as one three and nine are all one. So I suppose this could also be metaphorically a struggle or musings going on in conflict within the mind of any person who deliberately expresses themself through something as widely narrow as “art”.

      It was a fun thought provoking story and I’m happy to have the opportunity to have read it.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for the comment and the feedback!

        Yeah, I get why it is confusing. To be very, very honest, sometimes I love to see the effect of how others parse through confusion. It might not even be intentional, but even so,, it is interesting to see how people make sense of it.

        My idea with the whole matter of the multiplicity of the Muses (the One who is also Nine, and is Always Three) was for to be seen as an effect or entity (the Muses, in and on themselves) that chose one specific facet to communicate with the Narrator (one facet being the One). The only ones I tried to ascribe dialogue lines to were “the One/Terpsichore” and “the writer/the narrator”… but I have learned my lesson that it does not matter how much sense it makes in our own head while we are writing, if we are not clear enough other interpretations will pop up. For better or for worse (in my experience, usually for the better: I wrote a monologue sometime ago that someone read as a dialogue, and it was incredibly re-reading that story and trying to parse it as a dialogue!).

        I always say that if there is a way for the writing to sustain a specific interpretation, then that interpretation is a valid way to read a story. Never THE way, but A way. So I think the whole idea of all here being ideas in conflict of the mind of the one trying to write… it works as well, so why not?

        Anyway, thanks a lot for the comment and feedback.

    3. Yeah, writing is hard lol. But it’s also simultaneously easy? Which doesn’t make any sense, but writing is such a complex thing from the inspiration to the outlining to the actual writing to the editing.

      You do such an amazing job here of portraying inspiration as something of a… confusing, chaotic mess of conflicting senses that is somehow also beautiful and graceful.

      I also adored the phrasing of taking the thorn in your flesh and growing a tree from it that can pierce others. That’s such a beautiful yet horrific description that just sticks in my head. It puts me in the mind of channeling pain through writing so that others are moved by your emotions, which strikes a particular chord with me.

      And that this conversation all happens through dance is such a powerful idea. And it pays off the line in the beginning of saying she communicates because “speaking” doesn’t do it justice.

      It’s a very thought provoking story, that uses the word count extremely well. Hooked from beginning to end.

      Well done!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Marx.

        The whole thing about the conversation being mostly conveyed through dance is something I really wanted to try relying on for this story. I had that impression that a good writer usually relies on more than just words to craft a good story – one needs to delve into other ways of thinking, feeling and expressing ideas and imbue their words with it for them to really shine – and I went back to my previous stories and noticed I have a tendency to use dance imagery a lot. So I thought that maybe the Muse that moves me to write most probably is not one so concerned with communication through words (and in that I chose not to use Calliope, Clio, Thalia, Melpomene, Erato or Polyhymnia as the interlocutor there, but they are present, as six of the Nine), but the one who is mostly associated with movement – Terpsichore. And using dance allows for some interesting elements of communication, as standing one’s ground can both be issuing or accepting a challenge, but also trusting the choreography of the other dancer… and I wanted that kind of ambiguous communication on this call to write.

        Also… I am very proud and also love that particular image of the thorn in the flesh growing into a forest and being transmitted to others. I tend to think of writing and creative endeavors not as a charitable element of gifting the world with something we create, but as the sharing of something we don’t really control. Vectors of an idea, in a similar way that we can be vectors of a disease. And, sometimes, the idea of sharing it can come with more of a selfish gratification tone than a charitable one, so the whole things seemed like it made a lot of sense and I just loved that I could fit the idea in in a powerful image conveyed in few words.

        Thanks again for the comment and feedback!

  11. Yelena and Steven, Sitting in a Tree
    By Marx

    As Yelena rested her back against the Old One’s hulking form, she reveled in how her hand looked in his.

    His hand was so much larger than hers. She also enjoyed how her light complexion contrasted against the pitch blackness of his own. How his skin was reflective and hard to the touch like a stone, whereas hers was more human in nature.

    The differences made her smile.

    “So, how does this work?” Yelena asked, tracing her finger along each of his.

    “My hand?” He asked with a smirk. “I’m pretty sure it works similar to yours.”

    Yelena playfully scowled up at him but otherwise let his puckishness slide. “You know what I mean. Me giving you a name. Is there a ceremony to it? Do I simply say ‘Hi Steven,’ and that’s that? Steven isn’t your name, by the way.”

    The Old One chuckled. “I will find any name you honor me with as beautiful as I find you. But to answer your question, just as one’s soulmate chooses a name for their other half, they also choose the ceremony. It may be as casual or extravagant as you wish. Do you have something in mind?”

    Yelena focused even more on his hand as her face turned a steady crimson. “It is silly…”

    The Old One used his free hand to embrace his soulmate even more and smiled warmly down at her. “I have no issue with silly.”

    “I… find human courting rituals to be… fascinating. When they tie themselves to each other, they do so with a kiss.”

    “And what is this kiss? Where would we find one?”

    Yelena’s eyes bulged, her body freezing where it was. A myriad of thoughts passed her mind before she finally opened her lips to answer.

    “I’m just teasing you.” The Old One chuckled. “I know what a kiss is.”

    Yelena slowly turned her head up to him with a glare. “Steven is sounding very tempting right now.”

    “Would I still get to kiss you?”

    “That depends… Is that something you’d want to do?”

    “With you?” The Old One grinned. “Gladly.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This is a fun one.

      I am sure I have written the exact same thing in the last story you wrote, but I’m terrible in evaluating romance. So this is a very difficult one for me to try to comment, and maybe my comments will be a bit… skewed in an unhelpful direction. Either way…

      I think there is something to be said about the comedic element of it. And I really like that both “not-Steven” (even if he turns out to be named Steven after this one, I will never stop referring to him as “not-Steven” again) seems to delight himself in teasing Yelena, but the story itself works in a kind of teasing matter – starting with the title. And part of what makes it funny is exactly that the tone is a lot more romantic than comedic, so the comedic elements are heightened up by contrast.

      Also… having no problem in being silly is quite the sweet thing. Specially for a demon to say. And here’s my only point about romantic things, directly stolen from one of the greatest (if not the greatest) Portuguese poet of all times: love letters are, by necessity, ridiculous. And love things are, most probably, silly by necessity. And maybe that’s the beauty of it. And it is great to see it being acknowledge.

      Thanks for sharing.

      1. Lol I won’t lie, not-Steven makes me laugh so I absolutely condone that decision. And I’m really glad that the comedy works so well with the romance and that the teasing comes across as fun, hopefully.

        And I fully agree with that quote on romance being silly at heart of it all. If you can’t allow yourself to be silly I think it can get pretty boring and I think it definitely helps with the dynamic.

        Thank you so much for the review. I’m so happy you liked it.

    2. Fog Wall Avatar
      Fog Wall

      This was a very nice continuation!

      Thank you for writing this, I found it to be a fun and cheerful piece with how Steven teases her about a kiss. Over all, I do find this, two beings of immense power playing human.

      1. Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it. And it being two beings of immense power playing human is pretty accurate actually lol.

    3. More cuteness from these two is always welcome.
      I am curious as to why she chose a kiss… This naming ritual seems much more important than just a kiss. Granted, Abyssblood, The Precipice Fist- sorry, Steve, said it could be as grand or as simple as the namer wanted. But there are lots of human rituals that carry a bit more weight than a kiss.

      Still, I’m enjoying this continuing story and how their relationship is prorgessing. I feel like it could do with more stories from his perspective though. How he views this and how much of it is really just not caring, and how much is him like… a person not moving so the butterfly that landed on them wont fly away.

      (I’m actually going to have to name something that at this point)

      1. Lol Yelena is thinking specifically about the “You may now kiss the bride,” kind of kiss. So the idea would be that they’d be getting psuedo married. Not that they’d have a Priest equivalent.

        That said, you make a great point. I do tend to default with doing things from Yelena’s point of view. I’ll definitely do some from the Old One’s(dangit! Arachnarquista has me mentally calling him not-Steven) point of view. Also, I might be stealing that not moving so the butterfly won’t fly away line lol.

  12. Adrian Solorio Avatar
    Adrian Solorio

    Burning Bridges
    By Adrian Solorio

    When news of the suicide breaks it shocks everyone but you. The secretary is the first to know and, as usual, she wastes no time spreading the story, even texting people at home. Did you hear about Kenny? Word spreads like an oil spill. Why? How? They cluster in a group around your desk. Such a waste, they say, shaking their heads, acting the part. Weren’t you his friend?

    You don’t know how to answer, so you don’t.

    At lunch, while everyone goes to the pavilion, you stay at your desk. Everyone understands. Your boss even comes by and squeezes your shoulder, scrunching his face the way men do when they want to say, I feel your pain.

    You look out the office window, at the pavilion, at the lunch table, where the secretary and the boss sit. The place where it all started. She was always the most vicious, you remember, and now look at her. Shuddering and sobbing like she cared. Such a fake, pretending she ever felt anything for him besides disgust.

    Were you any better?

    No. Not when it mattered.

    When it mattered, you were just as bad as them. You recall the day that led to today. It was lunchtime, and everyone: the secretary, the boss, the sales team–the in crowd–packed one table, while you and Kenny, still a few months new, sat together alone.

    That day, the secretary invited you over to sit with them. And you did. You apologized to Kenny and went over. He smells, and he’s awkward, she said. Why does every IT guy have to be awkward, she asked, and stared, blank-faced, gauging you.

    He’s a little weird, you admitted. She laughed. Everyone laughed, but Kenny and you. You never sat with him again after that. After that you avoided him around others. And behind his back you even joined in the laughter.

    ****
    I’ve never fit in, Kenny said, when you first met. I’m a bit of a weirdo. Never had many friends.

    We’re all a little weird, you said, and smiled. Don’t worry. I’ll be your friend.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Okay, this is interesting.

      First, let me just point out something very small that annoyed me a bit. This phrase: “Did you hear about, Kenny?” That misplaced comma annoyed me more than it should, so I prefer to just point it out upfront and then forget about it. Better this way.

      So, I really liked the idea of the whole story being told from the perspective of one who is taken by others to be a friend of the one who committed suicide, but don’t think himself worthy of being considered as such. I also specially like how judgemental the narrator is not only of himself, but of everyone else. This paints this story in a kind of “we were all terrible and uncaring people” that I really appreciate for what the theme here is. Cause we are, frequently, lacking in caring – not by being bad people, but since some of the social mores of our society makes us so. We are primed in being bad – and the workplace is a very strong example of it.

      Also, it might be just my reading of it, but there is something very real that I see in the story. We are following the thoughts of one particular characters, and seeing how he believes he is responsible for the one moment that led Kenny to choose ending his life. This is a thought that is very common in people who were somewhat close (even if just marginally close) to people who chose to end their own lives. We tend to think we could have made things different, and even to think we know what it was that made they took that choice… I think this line of thinking is really problematic, but very persistent and common, so it is very reasonable to see the protagonist working with these premises.

      Overall, very interesting and heavy take. I love how the parsing helps the story feel even more heavy – it seems like this is more a story about guilt than anything else, and in that regard, it is a very good one.

      Thanks for sharing.

      1. Adrian Solorio Avatar
        Adrian Solorio

        Thanks for pointing out that phrase. I’ll change it now 😁

        You had some great insights, a couple that I didn’t even realize till you pointed them out. I guess it is a story about guilt, and blaming oneself for something tragic that happens.

        I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Thanks!

    2. It seems Bowling For Soup was right when they said, “High School Never Ends”.

      A sad story, but one that rings a little to true to life in general.

      I’m not sure if it’s a strength or a weakness of the story that we don’t know what was weird about Kenny (aside from “he smelled bad”), or why … “you” thought the “cool kids” were cool. After all, and it may just be situational biases, “you” really don’t seem to have a high opinion of them.

  13. Several, Actually (Chronicles of The Dragon)
    By Makokam

    Thomas sat at his workbench, in the near silence of his workshop, only the quiet hum of machinery and scraping of metal on metal. The damaged part of his power armor set aside as he worked on a coffeemaker. A simple but time consuming task, and one that would distract him from actual problems for a bit.

    Jostica opened the door and walked in. It’d been almost a year since she last knocked. Thomas had taken to just locking the door if there was anything unsafe for anyone to walk into.

    She came over and sat on the table, the spot he always kept clear for her. “I’ve been thinking,” she said.

    Thomas reflexively tensed. Then relaxed as he told himself this was Jostica; unofficial co-leader of their team and wizard prodigy, she could have been thinking about dozens of things.

    “This thing we’ve been doing.”

    “What do you mean?”

    “Our relationship.” Now Thomas froze completely. “I’m sick of it. It’s stupid. I don’t want to do it anymore.”

    “I…” he said, his mind racing, thinking over the time they’d spent together, all the times he knew it was too good to last, “I’m sorry to hear that.”

    “Yeah? Well things are gonna change. No more of this holding hands behinds everyone’s back. No sneaking around just to steal a kiss. No more pretending we aren’t head over heels for each other.”

    Thomas felt like his brain was short circuiting. He didn’t understand what she was saying.

    “I’m fucking sick of waiting for everybody else to be gone just so we can cuddle on the fucking couch!”

    “So,” he said, his super genius brain suddenly feeling like a hamster wheel without a hamster, “What do you want to do about it?”

    “We’re giving it up. Tomorrow I’m going to go get a new dress, and you’re going to pick out your favorite restaurant, and we’re going to go out on a date. Then we’re coming back here and having sex.”

    “Oh,” he said. “Okay.”

    “Good.” She leaned over and kissed his head, then hopped off the table and walked out.

    1. Adrian Solorio Avatar
      Adrian Solorio

      😂😂😂

      Oh, that was a nice little story to start the day with. Thomas is a lucky man. Women like Jostica don’t come around too often. I hope he appreciates her. This was a very lighthearted story, and I enjoyed it. You do well capturing the blundering confusion of Thomas. I could feel Jostica’s annoyance with him, she’s probably dropped fat hints aplenty that he never picks up on. This was good, I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing!

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Oh, that was surprising, all right. And not only for the readers.

      I really like how you build up Thomas’s anxiety. The justifications, conclusions and second-guessing that he is going on while trying to deal and understand what is going on is what really shines for me in this piece. And the subversion is presented early enough that the ending can land in a comforting place, which is greatly appreciated.

      I am not a good commenter in elements of romance and I am also not overly familiar with these characters, so I’ll refrain from commenting on this aspect in particular.

      But the build up and the setting of the scene, as well as the parsing of information needed for the reader to both get the idea of what world we are in, who this characters are at a glance and how do they operate in the confines of this short story is incredibly well done.

      This was great. Thanks a lot for sharing!

    3. Fog Wall Avatar
      Fog Wall

      This was a fun light-hearted sort of read. I love a good proposition that concludes this way. She’s giving him the perfect distraction that he needed from the work that bogs him down. I can’t help but wonder if the coffeemaker will be rebuilt by morning because he’s got a busy day coming up. lol

      I really lime the flow of thos scene, stretching from the workload that bogs him down to Jostica’s demanding display of affection for him. All the while he’s functioning without his hamster.

      I love this bit amd I hope to read more on this world. I love a good magical/techy world.

    4. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Oh my gosh, this is ADORABLE

      I really like how you setup the scene. I could picture his workshop well.

      Though, I will say “It’d been almost a year since she last knocked.” really threw me at first. Because I interpreted it that it’d been a year since they saw each other…not that she came in all the time, just never knocked. Probably just me though.

      “if there was anything unsafe for anyone to talk into.”
      –…I’m a bit confused by this?

      “the spot he always kept clear for her”
      –Aww. He even has a spot on his workbench for her

      “Thomas reflexively tensed. Then relaxed as he told himself this was Jostica; unofficial co-leader of their team and wizard prodigy, she could have been thinking about dozens of things.”
      –XD
      His thought process makes perfect sense, but I’m just laughing internally because I read it as
      “Oh no, are we breaking up?….No. no. She’s a human being. She has lots of thoughts.”

      “I’m sick of it. It’s stupid. I don’t want to do it anymore.”
      –Me: hehe I see a twistaroo coming around

      ““Yeah? Well things are gonna change. No more of this holding hands behinds everyone’s back. No sneaking around just to steal a kiss. No more pretending we aren’t head over heels for each other.”
      –*holds back laughter*

      “I’m fucking sick of waiting for everybody else to be gone just so we can cuddle on the fucking couch!”
      –Adorable XD
      “I’m sick of this, I want my cuddles, and I want them now!”

      “he said, his super genius brain suddenly feeling like a hamster wheel without a hamster,”
      –XD

      “Oh,” he said. “Okay.”
      –Thomas isn’t very reactive, is he? XD

      What does the title mean? Several propositions?

      Sorry I don’t really have any in-depth reactions for you. I just loved this story and thought it was adorable from start to finish!!

    5. Lol okay, let’s see what we have here. I won’t lie to, if I didn’t know the extra challenge you put into this one, I might not have realized exactly how many ways you included the prompt in this one and would have just seen the most obvious one.

      But, knowing what I know, we have, Jostica stating that her current relationship with Thomas is stupid, which would definitely be a statement that make an opinion or judgment.

      She makes a detailed plan of how their date will go tomorrow and you include a sexual offer which gives you a two-fer. Which is indeed three different ways of using proposition.

      And outside of that, this still absolutely works as a story on it’s own. Thomas’s reactions are what really make this. They come across as very realistic and displays the differences between the two. It’s awesome to see Jostica being so assertive about their relationship. Right on!

      Such a fun take on the prompt! Thanks for sharing.

  14. Connor/Dragoneye Avatar
    Connor/Dragoneye

    The Tempest’s Accord
    By Connor/Dragoneye

    The voice of Aorym shattered the sky, breaking through the roll of thunder. “Reikos!”

    The clouds above churned with fury, rain pelting the giant king. Bolts of lightning pierced the earth like spears.

    Within the flashes of tempestuous light, Aorym could see the winged visage lurking in the thunderhead.

    “I seek audience with you!” The rain would have concealed Aorym’s tears if he could make any. The giants were the pure antithesis to the dragons. Logic was in their blood, and yet here stood their king in desperation.

    The dragon descended from the storm, his eyes crackling with lightning. “Do you, Oaken King?”

    “I am… tired of this fighting.”

    Reikos tilted his head. “Are you tired? Or are you weeping for those you have lost?”

    Aorym dropped his tree-sized blade, its clattering joining in the storm’s symphony. “Whatever this feeling I bear within my chest truly is, it has told me to cease this war.”

    Reikos’ judgment was far from dull. It was a passionate carnal mind tempered by eons of wisdom. He knew a disheartened soul when he saw one. “You yield? Then call your children home. They surely miss you.”

    Aorym lowered his head. He failed to recall what he was fighting over anymore. For the first time, he pondered not on the mere consequences of his actions, but on what he lost. It was no mere measure of pros and cons.

    It was loss. Pure, irreversible loss. Many of his children bled for his name, for a cause lost even to his mind. “I will pay any price, give anything. Make this pain stop.”

    “That is nothing I can do,” Reikos bemoaned.

    Beams of light punched through the storm, shining over Aorym like the gaze of a radiant titan. The dragon’s tempest subsided to the harmony of a song. A voice so unearthly that it could melt the outer realms.

    The great goddess stood atop the clouds. All she wanted Aorym to do was meet her eyes. Just as she had met Reikos’ and given him wisdom, now she waited to give the giant what he needed.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This is very interesting, and the language is quite poetic. Also, the imagery of the tempest raging on while the peace (and I’m not even sure if we could call it really peace) is being brokered is very striking.

      As critique, there are some elements here that seem a bit like a bet with the reader. And I’m on the fence if I’m sold on them or not. I find, at the same time, that the whole idea of a war that has been raging for so long that the combatants and proponents aren’t even sure why they are fighting anymore is a great idea, and dealing with the confusion and even the absurdity of it is a great set up. I’m not sure if the rapid resolution convinces me, though. And I find the writing quite convincing, but you have created a very powerful conflict, so it is a bit anti-climatic to see it being dissolved by a leader negotiating with the other side… which perhaps is the point. But it is a strange feeling I’m left over with after reading.

      Also, I love how ambiguous the end seems to be. We don’t know what the Giant need. We know, in a way, what he wants, and what he dreads. But what he needs… that seems like another beast altogether, and musing on this as the thing that lingers after all is said and done is great.

      Thanks a lot for sharing.

    2. Fog Wall Avatar
      Fog Wall

      Reading this was interesting, I like the epic battle build up, but with the sudden swing to the giant king not knowing why they battled with the dragons left me with some questions. This must have been a battlefield spanning centuries to have such an impact. Eitherway, this was an entertaining read that filled me with curiousity. I’m curious to know how it would resolve and what impact this war has had on both dragon and giantkind.

      Bravo! Keep up the excellent writing.

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      I had a feeling there would be at least one treaty story in here. Excellent work! I like this story idea of fighting so long you forget why you’re fighting. However, I feel that if the characters had been more strongly differentiated the story would be even better. Maybe if you played into Aorym’s tiredness in the prose? There were a few writing hiccups in the formatting, but it didn’t take away from the story too much. Overall, pretty solid. Nice job.

  15. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
    Dagmar Makara (dystop)

    Spider, The Mind-Hacker
    by dystop

    I’d been caught red-handed as a spy. This is how I ended up sitting across a metal table from him. The mind-hacker- codenamed Spider, a Machiavellian terror clad in red and black, with an icy stare that could pierce a diamond. He’d made a proposition.

    “You know Russian Roulette?”

    I glanced at the 5 revolvers on the table, with a sinking feeling of pure dread.

    “Of course you do, except these bullets hack the other person’s consciousness. I know which guns are loaded. We’ll take turns firing them at each other. Beat me, earn your freedom”. He smiled with contempt and sadistic pleasure.

    “If I refuse?”

    He placed a real gun onto the table.

    “Very well.”

    Spider aimed the first revolver at my head and fired, with a smile. A thunderbolt zapped my mind.

    “Ahh, so that was your mission. Ambitious. Nice family you have”.

    He was worming his way into my consciousness, an abominable violation.

    Brain heavy from the pain, I discharged the second gun at him. Empty.

    “Oh haha, the fear you feel”, said the Spider, stringing me up in his web.

    “I have a proposition, fire gun 4 or 5”, I said, gambling my life.

    “Oh? We have a betting man, fine”.

    With a flourish, he picked up Revolver number 5 and pulled the trigger. I doubled over in pain, clutching my head. Spider was laughing- his mocking tone only grew more arrogant. Exactly what I wanted. I’d filled my own head with misinformation, and just now was faking.

    I picked up Revolver number 3 and fired.

    Spider screeched, mind-hacked and full of doubts, like me. We both shared part of each other’s consciousness; the playing-field was even and there was only one gun left on the table. I doused my brain with images of me shooting myself with the real gun.

    “A proposition”, I said. “Let me fire Revolver 4 at myself”.

    “Hah, if you’re suicidal go ahead”, he said- with his one weakness, arrogance.

    The moment I pulled the trigger, Spider fired the real one at himself.

    Never delve into a man full of doubts.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Very, very interesting one.

      I really like the setting you establish for this one. The stakes are clear, the overall idea of what’s going to happen as well, and the whole motif of hacking into minds and the hacker being a kind of desperado himself. This is a great setup, and perfect for the tense and short story we are about to witness.

      The pacing is also great. And both the characters are well present through the whole ordeal.

      I like how it builds to the ending. It is a bit abrupt, but I can see how it makes sense in the logic that was built up… even if it does break my suspension of disbelief a bit that Spider was not only proposing this game, but was allowed to propose such a game, being ultimately vulnerable to the shenanigans employed by a spy that could use his own vulnerability as a weapon. Seems like whoever is the employer of Spider should know better than to allow such a game to be played without any safeguards.

      But perhaps this is just me over-analyzing it. I doubt the problems of the protagonist are solved either way.

      Overall, pretty good setup, build up and delivery. Great use of tone and pacing. And if the ending feels a little abrupt… well, this makes sense for both the stakes put into such a short scene, but also for a literal game of Russian Roulette!

      Beautifully written. Thanks for sharing!

    2. Fog Wall Avatar
      Fog Wall

      Very cerebral! This story gave me a level of anticipation I hadn’t expected. Using multiple guns loaded to zap and transmit every manor of our internal affairs is quite an interesting take on a concept as well aged as Russian Roulette. Spider should have seen the twist of fully filled misdirection of lethargy. Awesomely written proposition. Excellent execution.

    3. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      This is an odd idea, but really interesting in execution. A battle of the minds, not necessarily directly in the mind, but rather a goal of distracting someone enough to trip them up with the body. It reminds me a little bit of a scene from the movie Dredd when Judge Anderson enters the mind of a criminal and essentially have a psychic battle over “who’s got the more screwed up mind.” I’m sorry to say that I don’t got much else to say about this. It’s an intriguing idea, cleverly executed, and overall a cool story. Well done!

  16. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    [DM me on Discord for details!]

    1. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
      Dagmar Makara (dystop)

      “My malice comes from misery” – oof, what a beautiful line, among many beautiful lines (like “neatly into anger’s box”). This dynamic between human, but not quite human and the thing it has created begs so many mysterious and fascinasting questions. And though it does proclaim honesty, it seems altogether threatening and mischevous (and by that final line of the piece very scary). It’s honestly a beautifully written, tense exchange. I’m fascinatined to know how our protagonist created this thing… but the more frightening part is it’s final proposition.

      Great piece of work : )

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Well, I love your take on this characters (and I am already inclined to love a lot of different interpretations on this two particular characters), but this scene in particular is amazing.

      I am specially hooked in the implications of what is revealed (both to us as readers, but I also think to both characters) at the end: Victor had to part with a part of him to create his creature, who now holds this part… and the creature is not asking for it to break Death again (which, I understand from other conversations, Victor is part of or a representative of in your stories), but Life… which implies very interesting things about either what Death really is, about how the Creature conceives of things or about its own plans… and any and each of these is a fascinating idea. Also, even more amazing that the Creature came up with this idea (and this is conveyed just after Victor acknowledges there is a part of him in the Creature) before Victor can fathom such a concept. It makes me wonder what is it that the Creature has of Victor that perhaps he can’t reach anymore (or never could, to begin with), but the Creature can…

      And what Life (capitalized) could even mean.

      I have a small bit of criticism that maybe is undeserved. It might just be that I’m not exactly as familiar as I should with Victor’s relation to his creation, but the beginning seems a little too dismissive considering where things would end up going. I understand Victor is being surprise by his creation ability to not only reason, but quote classical texts and to maintain the discourse in a very calm and planned way (even if he keeps the threaten present), and so maybe the jump from dismissiveness to trying to argue on the perceived impossibility and/or cost of the request is an acknowledgement of the Creature’s capabilities (which, granted, seems not only to be what the other elements of the story are building up to but also is quite fitting to what I think is the theme here)… but for such a short story, it still feels a bit too fast, and so, a bit abrupt.

      But, as I said, perhaps that’s a bit undeserving, since I’m only looking at a particular part of the story and some elements of the characters are unknown to me.

      Great story as always, Anti. Thanks for sharing!

    3. Fog Wall Avatar
      Fog Wall

      This left me feeling conflicted. That is the best and only way I can describe it. Dwelling on rather or not this beast deserves companionship. I feel it does. Like many creatures which are capable of emotion and forethought, I feel it would keep it’s word. However, that doesn’t count for the new one…
      Would leaving him alone be the safer option? Why? What keeps him from ravaging the world as he walk in his undying despair.

      This was thought provoking, well iterated and quite a confounding predicament. I enjoyed reading this and loves the internal debate it left me with. Thank you for the writing.

    4. Oooooo! Do I love this story. What’s funny is I have mixed feelings about the source material but I did enjoy this part. It’s one of those big forks in the road that could have possibly lead it to be a happy ending. But you’ll never know if the monster would have been true to its word or there was no right decision.

      But regardless, the point is, that I really like your version of this part of the tale. There’s so many extra bits that make it altogether more entertaining to me. Not even going to get into what we know the monster becomes later. Just in what we have up until this point, Victor not technically being human either throws this delectable wrinkle into their dynamic.

      And that Victor used part of himself to create the monster and doesn’t want to do that again, makes complete sense. That the monster wants him to use Life instead is somehow even more terrifying. It’s all just layers built upon layers that make the conversation so rich, especially when you’re familiar with the world.

      And even if you aren’t, I think most people are familiar enough with the story of Frankenstein that this absolutely works as a stand alone. Both characters come across as neither entirely right or wrong and that makes it all so much stronger. You can easily see how they’d be the villains of each other’s story.

      Excellent take on the prompt!

    5. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      I’m gonna be honest, I hadn’t kept up with every story in this universe and it wasn’t till I finished reading that I picked up on Victor being Victor Frankenstein. I think you almost did too good of a job making the monster seem inhuman. The descriptions were vague enough and all the dialogue in regards to what he was made him seem like a more literal monster and not very human like at all. That being said, I do not consider that a problem at all as the story still worked even with my initial misinterpretation. But now knowing the Frankenstein connection, this story is so much more interesting, and rather tragic and creepy. I really like the end. It’s probably just me, but to me it felt reminiscent of a moment form the Robert De Niro Frankenstein movie where while trying to convince Victor to make the bride, he eerily refers to the intended cadaver as “just spare parts” as Victor had once referred to the parts he was using to create him prior. With that in mind, the ending for me felt like another such moment where Victor was beginning to see too much of himself in his creation (which fuels his disdain for it). I think you’ve done an overall fantastic job on this piece!

    6. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Asfkasdfk what?! I want to know so much more about what’s going on! The monster quoting literature at Victor is a nice touch. It exemplifies the monster’s lack of social etiquette while also using ethics and pathos against Victor. I was unaware of Victor imparting part of Death into the monster. That makes the monster’s desire for his partner to have a fragment of Life in her interesting. I have no idea where this is going, but I want to read more! Excellent job!

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