Writing Group: Blooming in Moonlight

Good evening Horticulturalists, Night Creatures, and Lunatics!

I see you’ve come to the midnight garden to admire the night blooms. Not many people know about this place. Rumors and all. You know, it’s said that magic happens beneath iridescent light, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Blooming in Moonlight

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

This prompt conjures an image of ethereal, midnight beauty. The first thing it makes me think of is flowers. There are several real flowers that bloom in the moonlight (Angel’s Trumpets, Queen of the Nights, Casablanca Lilies…), as well as a vast plethora of mythical ones. You could write about scientists examining the flowers blooming at night, about your characters having a picnic in a meadow under the stars, or else a dark duel covered in petals.

We usually associate flowers with blooming, but when an aquatic, microscopic algae population swells so much that it changes the entire ecosystem, this is called algal bloom. These bloom events vary in color from green, to red, to brown and gold, to even purple, and are sometimes big enough to be seen from space! Algal blooms can be good (providing nutrients and food for other organisms) or harmful (producing toxins or damaging structures that kill aquatic life). If you want to do something really fun and/or wacky with this prompt, tell us the story of one of such blooms. You could write about a fish beneath it, a human population affected by it, or even personify it! Writing about someone from space seeing it could be a particularly interesting application of the moonlight aspect. 

The fun thing about this prompt, however, is that it’s not “flowers in moonlight” or “plants in moonlight.” It’s “blooming in moonlight.” It’s the verb—you get to decide what’s blooming. Blooming can apply to more than just plants. Looking up the definitions, it can apply to anything at its freshest and most beautiful. It can refer to a youthful glow about a person’s complexion. Perhaps you want to write about the young debutante coming down the stairs, bathed in moonlight, or else the vampire putting on the guise of a human complexion. 

Even music is said to bloom when it has a full bright sound. Perhaps you want to write about a composer seeing their dream fulfilled as they hear their composition bloom, or a teen sitting in their room enjoying their favorite song when they can’t sleep.

When I look up the definitions of bloom, one is “(of fire, color, or light) [to] become radiant and glowing” which I think is particularly beautiful. You could write about fireworks blooming over the water, of a painter mixing the perfect, radiant shade, or of bioluminescent creatures blooming beneath the waves under a moonlight of their own invention. 

You can push this prompt to greater limits than that. “Bloom” is a word that can be used poetically. Blood may “bloom” in the water, anger may “bloom” inside one’s chest, even scandalous desires might “bloom” at night. There are several things that happen in the moonlight that you could poetically describe as blooming. You could even describe something like a werewolf transformation like a flower blooming. The sky—or should I say moon?—is your limit. (But, if you go this route, just be sure to make the connection to the prompt clear.)

My challenge for you this week is one meant to help you improve your writing skills. I often talk on streams about using active verbs. (Example: Instead of saying “He held my arm tightly.” saying “He grabbed my arm.” Instead of saying “She was lonely.” saying “Loneliness crept in from the corners of the room.”) “Bloom” is one of my personal favorite active and poetic verbs, so I think this would be a great challenge for this prompt. 

Level one of my challenge is: do your best to use active verbs throughout your piece. This is the most lenient level of the challenge—just do your best when and where you can to use active verbs. 

The second level of my challenge is: don’t use any adverbs (besides ones like “yesterday” and “tomorrow,” those are fine). This is the next difficulty level—finding adverbs and completely removing them in the goal of using an active verb instead.

The third level is: don’t use am/is/are/was/were anywhere in your piece—always choose something more active. I know, to some, this may seem impossible (it certainly did to me when my English teacher once gave my class this challenge) but you’d be surprised how little you need those verbs, and how often those words can be replaced and improved by something more active. (Example: “I was hot.” vs “The heat clung to me.”)

(You can mix and match the levels to your preference!) 

Remember, these challenges aren’t mandatory! They are meant to be a fun bonus if you’d like to have a little extra challenge. But, if you don’t want to use them, please don’t feel obligated to!

My, how you’ve grown, seedlings! Now put those new petals to use and dazzle us.

—Felicia, Kaylie, and Pearce

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least five stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Use two paragraph breaks between each paragraph so that they have a proper space between them (press “enter” or “return” twice).
    6. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
    7. No additional text styling (such as italics or bold text). Do not use asterisks, hyphens, or any other symbol to indicate whether text should be bold, italic, or styled in any other way. CAPS are okay, though.
  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new; no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Be constructive and uplifting. These submissions are not for a professional market, and shouldn’t be treated as such. We do this, first and foremost, for the joy of the craft. Help other writers to feel like their work is valuable, and be considerate and gentle with critique when you offer it. Authors who leave particularly abrasive or disheartening remarks on this post will be disqualified from selection for readings.
    6. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    7. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    8. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

129 responses to “Writing Group: Blooming in Moonlight”

  1. MostlyMarco Avatar
    MostlyMarco

    A Second Goodbye
    By MostlyMarco

    Overhead, the light of the moon illuminates the hill in a haunting glow. The silence in the air is broken by the sounds of ancient chanting that reverberates throughout the cemetery. With each intonation, the ground quivers, a symphony of bone rattles and eerie whispers fill the air. Slowly, skeletal remains begin to stitch together. Ebony bones snap together as the necromancer raises his voice. Even after the skeleton fully forms, he continues his deathly chorus, willing the soul together.

    Panting, Mortis inspects the skeleton in front of him. A glowing outline tells him he succeeded, and in a few minutes, consciousness would return to the body. Satisfied with his work, Mortis turned to collect his payment.

    “The spell should hold until sunrise,” Mortis called out in a hoarse voice.

    However, it seemed clear that his benefactor was in no position to respond. He simply stood behind dumbstruck, his mouth agape. Sometime during the ritual, he must have dropped the payment, judging by the gold on the ground. He made no response to Mortis, only staring at him with a mix of horror and amazement.
    Sighing, Mortis stooped down to collect the fallen coins. Normally, he would’ve made a big show, using his magic to collect the coins. But now, he was far too tired to bother.

    “Y-you actually–,”

    “Indeed, I really brought her back. As per our agreement.” Mortis hefted the bag of coins punctually. “As such, you shouldn’t delay much longer lest the spell expire.”

    Nodding quickly, the man scampered behind him to the stirring skeleton, continuously shooting nervous glances at Mortis. Letting out another sigh, Mortis began to trudge off, leaving the two alone.

    Mortis watched the two lovers from far away. The scene seemed absurd to him. A human and a skeleton, embracing one another. Faintly, he could hear the melodies of conversation and laughter.

    They shouldn’t be together, he mused. The natural course of life had torn them apart in death. But as he watched them, a small smile bloomed across his face. Maybe these unnatural, blasphemous powers could be used for more than destruction.

    1. Hallo there!

      What a fun and unique take to this prompt! I especially love how the character’s development played out so well through this short piece. Mortis’ own apathy to how others reacted with him in mostly horror (the drawbacks to being a spoopy necromancer!) that slowly transforms into a more hopeful and beautiful take on his own deathly powers. It feels like his full potential for his power has bloomed during this night. Very well written and thoughtful piece.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That was really unexpected, and in a very interesting way.

      The language employed here is quite gripping. I love the description of the ritual and the magic working its way – and the whole idea that soul itself is shattered in death and could be brought together, as well as the corpse remains, is quite interesting. This opens lots of possible interesting avenues of exploration.

      And I just love the subversions used in this one. At first, it seems like a very typical raising of the death for work or information. Then, we see it clearly has something more going on. The somewhat perverse bitter-sweetness of the embrace (and knowing that clock is ticking, and it will not last for long) is a very powerful emotional height, and the musing of Mortis at the end in stitching everything together (which, considering the ritual, seems to be his specialty!).

      That was a very, very enjoyable tale. Thanks a lot for sharing it.

  2. NictheGreat Avatar
    NictheGreat

    Moonlit Dreams

    In the depths of a mystical forest, nestled beneath the radiant moon, there lay an enchanted garden. Bathed in silver moonlight, this ethereal sanctuary was a realm where dreams were born. The air was thick with wonder, and the flowers danced in a delicate rhythm, their petals imbued with magical energy.

    Among these enchanted blooms, there existed a unique variety: the flowers of movement. Their vibrant colors shifted and swirled, as if guided by invisible hands. Each step within the garden brought forth a kaleidoscope of hues, painting the night with their ethereal beauty. Their dance mesmerized anyone fortunate enough to witness it.

    At the heart of the garden, a crystal clear pool shimmered like liquid moonbeams. Its tranquil surface reflected the starry sky above, mirroring the dreams and hopes of those who dared to peer into its depths. The pool held a secret power—an ability to soothe troubled hearts and grant solace to weary souls.

    As the night deepened, the garden revealed another marvel—enchanted creatures unseen in any realm. They emerged from the shadows, captivating with their otherworldly presence. There were glowing fireflies, their delicate wings flickering like miniature stars. Graceful unicorns, their silver horns aglow, moved with an elegance that defied imagination. Birds with feathers of iridescent hues sang melodies that touched the deepest recesses of the soul.

    In this haven of moonlit dreams, time ceased to exist. The boundaries of reality blurred, and the line between the possible and the impossible became indistinguishable. Visitors to the garden discovered a profound connection with their innermost desires, as if the magic infused within the air breathed life into their aspirations.

    Within the embrace of this enchanted garden, dreams took flight. Desires long suppressed found a voice, and the garden became a canvas on which hopes were painted in radiant strokes. It whispered secrets of untold wonders and whispered promises of a future beyond imagination.

    And so, the moonlit garden remained a cherished memory, a beacon of inspiration that called to dreamers far and wide. Its flowers continued their eternal dance, the pool shimmered with infinite reflections, and the enchanted creatures reveled in their unseen beauty. For in this sacred place, dreams were born and destinies transformed under the watchful gaze of the ever-present moon.

  3. Anton Kragh Paaskesen Avatar
    Anton Kragh Paaskesen

    The Hatching

    Through a blanket of clouds, the moon shone forth. Refusing to be made invisible, its silver blades pierced the thick blanket with ease. Looking up through the dense foliage of leaf crowns, Caelin looked up in appreciation at her celestial friend. And in her heart of hearts, she thanked it for guiding her on this most important night. Not just for her but for what she was carrying.

    “Shine on my friend” she prayed, as she made her way to the hatching ground, the clutch of eggs closely held to her chest for warmth “if not for me, then for the little ones”.

    Seven eggs had she been entrusted with. For nine months she had watched over them and given them warmth. Now at last was the time for her to prove her worth as a Guardian. On this moonlit night, she would watch over them, as the small dragons within hatched.

    The moonlight wavered. Worry gripped Caelins heart as the contours of the silver pillars in her path dimmed. The little ones would need the moon for guidance. Without it, they would be blinded by the dark of midnight. Through worrys fog, Caelin managed to find her courage and trudged on. She would have to be strong. She was a Guardian of dragons, the same as the rest of her bloodline. As such the little ones depended on her, for safe hatching. In her arms, she felt a sensation of force from the clutch of eggs. Lifes force. The little ones were growing impatient.

    “Just a while more little ones” she whispered softly, with a slight quiver in her voice “Be patient, just for a little while more”. As she trudged on through the dimming moonlight, she wrapped the eggs tighter into her blanket and started humming the melody of her people. More for herself, than for the dragons.

    When she arrived at the forest clearing of the hatching ground, the cover of clouds had grown thicker. Worriedly Caelin looked up after the moon. Though faint, its light was still thankfully visible through the dense blanket.

    Caelin carefully laid out each egg on the hatching ground, taking slightly longer than needed. With each egg, she prayed for the clouds to clear if only a little.

    Heart heavy with worry, she put the last egg down. She took a step back and observed them. Each minute was agony for her. The clouds did not seem to clear. And the eggs were getting closer and closer to hatching. “Be vigilant” she harshly scolded herself “your a Guardian”. And so she watched on.

    At last, the clouds cleared. With renewed Hope, Caelin watched the hatching ground get bathed in a silvery glow. One egg started hatching. Then another. And another. And before Caelins eyes, seven serpentine forms spread their wings and took flight, their scaly bodies shimmering a silvery gleam.

    1. Hello hello!

      Much to love here, you portrayed the characters’ worries and care for the eggs well by not only evoking emotions within the character but also mirroring her anxiety in the environment around her–the moonlight wavering and the dimming of the moon’s light matches her own wavering of her heart. The visual language is great in your piece.

      One thing that I would have loved to have seen more was the moment in which the dragons hatched–the lead-up to that moment lead me to anticipate a lot more, although I also know that the word limit does force one to pick and choose what to expand more on. Overall, great job!

  4. Pipa Harana Avatar
    Pipa Harana

    2 AM at Tinoto Reef
    By Pipa Harana

    “Eman! Get the nets ready.”
    “Do you have the flashlight?”

    Slow waves pushed the wooden boat farther from the shore. In the middle of the ocean, on a Monday’s 2 AM, three silhouettes stood under the full moon’s light.

    A stout muscly figure stomped and shook the boat, shaking the short bony one out of balance. The towering lanky one simply shushed them as it held a lit flashlight above the dark waters. “You shouldn’t make loud noises like that, Carmelita. It will scare the fish,” a soothing voice came.

    The stout muscly silhouette sighed. “Sorry, Ningning. But this one,” its voice cresendoed. “Just won’t follow simple instruct—.”

    Both the short bony silhouette and Ningning shushed Carmelita, who retreated.

    For the next half hour, silence spread across Tinoto Reef. Silence clung onto Sarangani dawns just like how tarsiers clung onto trees but eventually, this shatters. By gentle noises like a fish leaping out of the water.

    “Eman!”

    The short bony figure scrambled to life. “I’m awake, I’m awake!”

    Carmelita rolled her big eyes and handed Eman the nets. “Just throw it over and reel it in when they come.”

    “Got it.”

    “I see some! I see some!” Ningning squealed.

    The three gathered around the spot Ningning shined her flashlight on. Bubbles popped over and over and shimmers of teal and black glinted before their eyes. Carmelita sighed. Ningning smiled.

    And Eman remembered why he insisted to come with his cousins even though Carmelita scolded him and he would fall asleep half way: to catch the moments of the Sarangani ecosystem blooming in moonlight.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Oh, this is a great and interesting take on the prompt. And there is something casual in the way it is narrated that is incredibly fitting with a night of fishing.

      I really like how natural this story feels and how the image is pictured. It is a beautiful encapsulation of a moment. It feels magical.

      This is a beautiful song of appreciation for a place, its inhabitants and the activities that allows for one to enjoy and be in the presence of it all.

      I have one small criticism, but it is very minor – I feel like the half and hour jump has a small detrimental effect in getting us grounded in the moment. Having the description of the wait pass so fast breaks the immersion a little bit. But that’s expected in short stories with such a strict word count, and as said before, this is a very minor thing.

      Thanks a lot for sharing this story!

  5. The Taste of Spring is Sweet
    By Vin

    The moon watches from her starry throne and knows that tonight is the night Spring dies.

    Or, perhaps more aptly, this is the night Spring changes her form into warm breeze Summer: the season of sweetened purple plums and sticky nectarine. It is a curse to be incarnate Spring—the eternal change of the seasons, the transience of it all. The moon has watched changing seasons take their mantle with care, each giving special attention to certain aspects of their nature. One Spring had given extra crops to farmers, yielding bountiful produce and heaping sprawling feasts upon tables. Another Summer had created monsoons, in a fit of destructive creativity, to tear down civilizations.

    Most of the seasons take their change with grace. But this Spring is different. Now, with Summer approaching to take her throne in this seasonal succession, the heady spring winds refuse to warm, the colorful blossoms stubbornly cling to the branches and the flowers remain young and fresh and blooming. The moon has watched over many transformations and never has it seen one so reluctant and dragged out. This particular Spring has focused on all things beautiful as if leaving behind its love of beauty was its way of claiming permanence in this cycle of ephemerality.

    Tonight, a bloom of evening primrose flaunts its vibrant yellow, glowing in the moon’s silver rays. The moon wades across the ocean of stars in the evening sky and watches the slow, reluctant acceptance of spring giving up her mantle. As the cool spring wind begins to transform into the gritty warmth of summer, a small evening primrose peeks its head through the earth: the last bloom of spring. In a moment of celestial sympathy, the moon sheds her light on it, causing the flower to glow and enhancing its beauty with her silver light. Finally, Spring slips into Summer with a contented sigh, her last creation having captured the moon’s attention so ardently.

    In the morning, the evening primroses fold themselves up and wait for the moon, the memory of Spring merely a fading taste of sweetness for the closing buds.

    1. Pipa Harana Avatar
      Pipa Harana

      Hello! I enjoyed reading your piece :>. I really liked the personification if the moon and how you differentiated the qualities of the seasons ^^. Something I’d like to note though is the challenges call of not using be verbs (is, am, are, was, were) and I did see a few sentences in your piece that have these. I feel like if you restructured them not to include a be verb, it would help with the flow of your descriptions a lot :>.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Really beautiful story. There is a lot to love here.

      I really appreciate the way the transience of season is approached here – it is a necessary and beautiful thing, but it also carries a sense of loss and unpredictability. I am also very fond of the image of the moonlight and the flower encounter – this is told is such a way that it reminds me of a dance, and it really feels as if those two entities are trying to bridge a gap between the earth and sky (perhaps, even a gap between what was and what is to come as well, which seem to be a central theme in the story).

      I have a very small bit of criticism to share, though. I tripped a bit in the last sentence of the third paragraph: something about the choice of the verb “leaving” makes it a bit confusing. It seems like “grasping at” or “clinging at” would make more sense, at least to me, and trying to interpret it broke the flow a little bit (even though, besides that particular particle in the sentence, it is a beautiful phrasing with lovely poetic language). But that’s a small nitpick.

      Thanks for sharing!

    3. MostlyMarco Avatar
      MostlyMarco

      Hi Vin,
      I really enjoyed the different ways you characterized the seasons. Your writing makes it seem as if each season has it’s own unique, powerful personality that changes from year to year. It is accurate to reality, with some years having particularly harsh summers/winters. However, your seasons have even more depth to them, with a Spring that desperately tries to hold on to the beautiful period of blooming flowers. It only passes on after a final flourish.

  6. MasaCur Avatar
    MasaCur

    Carnival Fantastique
    By MasaCur

    The truck convoy pulled up to the county fairground, trailers filled with roars and brays of dozens of creatures, mundane and fantastic. Above the trucks, the night sky’s stars were blotted out by the street lights of the town and the glowing full moon.

    A rotund man in a dusty, beat up pointed hat climbed from the passenger door of the lead truck’s cab. He barked orders, pointing in various directions as he did so.

    A couple of rock trolls, their grey skin craggy and pockmarked, pulled a giant tent pole from one of the trailers, thick as a ship’s mast. They carried it to a spot several yards from the convoy, and then dug a post hole in the ground with their bare hands. When the hole was dug, they erected the pole, planting it in the hole.

    A masked woman in flowing silk robes pulled out a flute. As she played, panels and posts of carnival booths danced their way into place, setting themselves up as well as any craftsman ever could. A gang of gnomes rushed from one booth to the next, securing the panels and posts together to keep the booths upright for when the magic flute would eventually fall silent.

    A lithe dryad walked a perimeter near the trucks, trees sprouting in her wake. The trunks and branches spread out, reaching out to one another. The branches intertwined, a cage assembling from the individual nascent trees.

    As the cage formed, an ifreet cracked his fiery whip. When he did so, a chimera leapt toward one of the cells, its three heads bleating, roaring, and hissing at the blazing animal tamer.

    Throughout the night, the carnival took form, a striped big top tent commanding over it. As the twilight of dawn started to wake on the horizon, the strange company of creatures and people sought to find a place to catch a few hours of sleep before they were ready to open the festivities to the nearby locals.

    The circus had come to town.

    1. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      As always some pretty rock (troll) solid prose. You’ve got such a strong authorial voice and your descriptions of the creatures really builds a wowing circus atmosphere of awe and amazement. My one criticism would be I want more. I want a character and a perspective so we can see their reactions, and the development that goes with that. However, in only 350 words that would come at the detriment of what you do here, which is focus on the experience and let the reader revel in the carnival themselves. Expertly done *tips hat*

  7. (please delete, i made a mistake)

  8. Chaz Jazzman Avatar
    Chaz Jazzman

    why is it spam, i fixed my grammar

  9. Chaz Jazzman Avatar
    Chaz Jazzman

    Don’t Let the Pollinators Become Extinct
    By Chaz Jazzman

    Tim and I sit in the tree right by the park, the bark is rough on my legs and I can tell Tim is getting tired of waiting. I check my watch, 11:58. “Just two more minutes,” I tell Tim

    “They better hurry up, because my mom doesnt even know I’m out, why the devil did I even follow you here in the middle of the damn park on a school night, I HAVE A TEST TOMORROW, my mom is going to kill me if I fail it, I should be asleep.”

    “Shut up”, I reply, “they might hear us”

    “Fine, but what is the big deal about this ceremony anyway, how do I know you aren’t lying about this cult, I am going to be sooooo mad, I will literally rip your throat out of your neck and take a bite out of it, that’s how angry I will be with you.”

    “Just wait we literally have ONE minute, stop being so impatient,” I hiss at him, “or you will scare the cult people away”

    Tim seems to understand and doesn’t say anything else.

    I watch my watch as the seconds slowly tick by.

    T-minus

    10…

    9…

    “I don’t see anyone, remember what I said”

    8…

    “SHUT UP YOU STUPID IDIOT”

    7…

    6…

    5…

    tick…tick…tick…tick…

    4…

    3…

    2…
    timealmostrunsoutohmygodtheyarecoming
    1…

    Midnight NOW

    I see Tim gasp in excitement and surprise.

    A wave of color washes through the gate. Men all in different colored robes, illuminated by the streetlights enter through the gate to the park in a silent single file line.

    Tim- “what are they doing?”

    “Shut up and watch before they hear us”

    Tim continues to watch as the people lay down onto the floor of the park, in the shape of an enormous, beautiful flower.

    Then a man dressed as a bee stands up. Kneeling in front of him is a whimpering, tied up man.

    IT IS TIME TO POLLINATE – Bee Man screams as he brings down his ax on the whimpering man.

    The blood splatters to all of the Flower Men.

    I place my hand over Tims mouth to keep him quiet from the screams attempting to exit his mouth.

    IT IS TIME TO BLOOM – Bee Man belts to the Flower Men

    They all rise

    “OWWW, YOU IDIOT I AM BLEEDING YOU BIT ME”

    Tim bit my hand, my blood runs down to the ground

    Tim screams

    Bee Man says – GET THEM-FRESH YOUNG NECTAR TO POLLINATE WITH…

  10. OUT OF THE ASHES
    by Danny Knesek

    Static cracked out of the vacuum tube radio stacked on milk crates in an old grain silo. Covered in dust, a dozen kids gripped their knees, whispered jokes and stories to pass the time, or slept. The sun imposed a deadly force on the group, laying siege upon their walls while they huddled fifteen feet below the surface where most of the heat couldn’t advance.

    Alouette paced in the coolest part of the silo, scowling up at the rays that found their way into their sanctuary through cracks and holes left by bolts stripped long ago. “It’s been too long,” she grunted. As the second-oldest and the eldest girl at twelve, she helped herself to most of the worry, especially since Finch spent too much time with the littles.

    “They said it would take a while,” interjected Wren, seven years old and often level-headed. “Let’s keep waiting.”

    Alouette snapped, “It’s not like we have a choice. We can’t go outside.”

    “We can’t go outside,” echoed Callum, Alouette’s four-year-old kid brother. He hung on Finch’s shoulders across the silo from his sister, not noticing the glare his sister shot at him. Finch noticed.

    The fourteen-year-old spoke up, “It’s no use getting mad, Al. They said the radio would come on when the bloom started. Until then—”

    At that moment, the radio static gave way to silence, hushing the children. A voice picked up. “Folks… …word from NASA’s solar station. They found elevated radia… …midnight tonight, the bloom will… …for our brothers and sisters in the Eastern hemi… …up tomorrow morning… …half. For those of us left, make your way to Wash… …by night. Good luck, and may God…”

    The silence surrendered to the static. The kids continued bickering, crying, or disassociating. Even Alouette preoccupied herself with too much worrying to understand what was happening. But not Finch. He knew their parents were already gone. He knew a solar flare was about to change the world. He knew he would have to start leading these kids by night to the next town, then the next, then the next.

  11. Aracnarquista Avatar
    Aracnarquista

    The First of Us
    by Aracnarquista

    I look into the skies. The lights above, obscured by the canopy, bless my sacred endeavor. The stars call for my ascension. The moon smiles at such a holy pilgrimage.

    All gentle luminous entities wait for the rite in which we leave the earth forever to soar in the breeze as new life.

    I do not resent the soil, but I rejoice in leaving it behind. Our burrows and tunnels belong in the past; the colony follows its own path, while I tread higher roads. My siblings will not miss the lost wanderer who saw greatness and pursued elevation, but even now I think of them. My love will spread to them as well, once I perish.

    But first, the climb.

    The first step up the last climb fills me with expectation. Should I say us, rather than me? Describing this entity as “I” or “we” seems imprecise. The wonder that inhabits me and made me more than just one of my siblings can’t be encompassed in the idea of a single thing. “I”, “we”… the terms fail to conceive the sublime nature of connection. Where once I knew of only myself, we now care for everything. I left the group when true sight invaded me. The connective amalgam we became allows me to return to the group again, in spirit, so that all of my siblings will know of its glory and joy.

    I reach the highs from where our holy message will spread. With no need to talk, I clench my jaws in the stem of the plant. A last love bite to ground this vessel to reality while we transcend. From the base of my skull a spire rises to the heavens, and love blooms.

    Our corpse proclaims the fungal gospel to the wind.

    ***

    “Look up, sister, to where the remains of the martyr rest. In her time, she made the sacrifice and gave us truth by spreading the blessings of the mycelium. Now we join her in the highs as new prophets of fungal connectivity. Our bodies will remain a testament of love. Now, the climb.”

    1. Hi there 🙂

      Firstly, I love how strong the voice of your character is in your piece! The transition from the individual point of view character to the last part of your story where she is seen from an outside point of view made the story very fun to read. We see her hailed as a martyr at the end and being able to see how her actions were seen and interpreted after reading the first part of her personal thoughts was very well done and pulled me in as a reader into the world you’ve built. 250-350 words is a pretty big limit especially to world-build but I feel like I understood your world well with what you had, with the worship of fungi and the character’s ascension into mythology. Overall really enjoyed reading your piece, great job!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Vin!

        This was a specially challenging story to write. I had the idea for the voice, the premise and the structure from the get go, but the execution was hard to do. I am a bit uncertain yet on how clear I’d like the things to be, and I feel it leaned a little too much on the cryptic side at times. But I like how that voice came out, and I’m glad you enjoyed it as well.

        Thanks for the feedback and the comment!

    2. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This is… really weird (In a good way). It took me a few times to understand exactly what this is about, but after realizing, I can say you did a great job at making this disturbing image, where an ant controlled by a fungi, and calls killing itself and spreading it a ‘holy pilgrimage’… it really shows how the fungi took over its’ mind. Amazing.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Strong Berry!

        Yeah, this was a fun premise to play with. I was a bit unsure on leaning too much on the ant and its description of the fungal infection as a religious experience, since in my view the entity narrating the first part is not exactly the ant anymore, but the amalgam that resulted from the infection. All I knew was that the prompt would work wonders to tell a strange story, and that using somewhat religious imagery for this one would probably heighten the discomfort and horror I was aiming at…

        Though, in the end, I am not so sure if I’d still call it horror. And I love when the story feels different after it is written, so the change in persecptive is a good thing. Thanks for the comment and the feedback!

    3. Pipa Harana Avatar
      Pipa Harana

      AHHHH! I absolutely adore this piece! I think you captured a solid persona and it carried out through the entirety of the work. It’s so amazing to think that this was in the point of view of a plant. I really like the poetic lines with love in it: “last love bite/our bodies will remain a testament of love”. I also adored the philosophical notions of the persona; it’s absolutely lovely and I really delighted reading it.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Pipa Harana!

        I particularly like to play with unconventional points of view and to sprinkle a healthy dose of philosophical musings in my fiction, and I’m quite glad that you liked it. I notice now I’m coming from a sequence of stories in which insects and similar creatures have been prominently featured, and I just couldn’t get the image of the fungal infection from my head after reading the week’s prompt – so this was a fun experiment to try on.

        I am also very glad that the poetry of those lines were appreciated. We were just discussing poetic inclinations on our stories and how those can benefit, but some times also detract, from them – and I’m guilty of sometimes overindulging in them. And here, more than exercising caution, I choose to go with a theme and a voice that allowed me free reign to play with it even more. And it seem to have worked!

        Thanks a lot for the comment and the feedback.

    4. MostlyMarco Avatar
      MostlyMarco

      When I first read through your story, I was low-key expecting a space-opera themed story, the story of a primitive race leaving the burrows and tunnels of their home world for the stars beyond. Partway through, I realized I had clearly made the wrong assumption.

      However, I realized that, in the perspective of the collection of mycelium, my initial assumption wasn’t too far of. Leaving the ground and spreading out would be the mycelium equivalent of leaving the earth to colonize new planets.

      For me, the way you can quickly and easily bring the reader into the perspectives of your characters is really impressive.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, MostlyMarco!

        I read and reread the first paragraph of this comment some times now, and I realized this precise feeling/moment/realization is what I strive for in most of my stories. I really like the effect a change in perspective makes when it happens due to a sudden realization on which POV we are inhabiting AFTER we already have made some assumptions – I tend to believe it might help in keeping the reader open to diverse interpretations and would maybe allow for some questioning of their own views on things that seem obvious at first. And if not, it still makes for an interesting twist in the story itself.

        I also really like that comparison you make: from the perspective of the mycelium, the spreading of its spores from a high place (which it could only achieve due to its ingenuity in building its space ship from the body of an ant) is really like colonizing new planets (and there is something poetic in remembering the etymology of planet – star that orbits another star, or those who wander… all of which could describe very well out little ant).

        Thanks a lot for the feedback and comment!

    5. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      Artificial Intelligence, Caterpillars and now Fungus! There is no end to your mastery of unusual point of view storytelling! This is so good, and so sinister. The parallels you’ve drawn here with martyrdom and religious extremism is creepily brilliant. I’m running out of superlatives. Great work as usual!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, RJ.

        This is really high praise! I really like playing with unusual points of view, specially when those are experiencing, themselves, unusual changes in point of views. And trying to experiment with contrasting themes and voices is quite fun – and very fulfilling when it works!

        The religious voice (in the verge of a perceived rapture) seemed like the way to describe the infection, though I struggled in its execution. It is not a voice I employ often, so it is not something I’m very familiar with (and I’m a bit concerned if I could do justice to it, and also if it could come out as particularly offensive). I think I could reach a fair compromise here.

        Thanks a lot for the comment and feedback.

  12. Partran Avatar
    Partran

    Dandelions
    By Partran

    “Have you ever seen one launch?” Tanya asked as she leaned back on the long table that ran the length of the observation deck, coffee warm in her hands.

    Alyssa shook her head, long hair flaring out around her and only slowly settling back to her shoulders as she leaned forward against the floor to ceiling windows and stared out at the gentle curve of the lunar surface. “No, its my first one.”

    “It never gets old.”

    As the girl watched the horizon, a towering structure, slender and elegant, rose over the gentle arc of the moon. Released from the shipyard it lifted away from the slight gravity, turning about its axis.

    A graceful pirouette let the spreading petals catch the light that shone from the distant sun that cast the Earth in an azure-ringed shadow. The ship spread its wings for the first time with a delicacy akin to the first flowers in spring. The unfurling of the sails was a slow process, but they shone and rippled like light on a dark sea throughout.

    “The crew’s already on board?” Alyssa asked with wonder tinging her voice, her eyes never leaving the ship as the great sails unfurled and the generation ship began to turn itself away from the shores of Earth and Luna and into the endless black sea.

    “Yep. They’ll all be getting settled in, getting cozy for the trip. Next stop will be their great great great some odd grandkids meeting up with the forerunners.” Tanya said as she stood from the table and rested a hand on her niece’s shoulder, “You excited to be going?”

    “Oh yes! Mom says we’ll be like dandelions, spread on the wind, putting down roots under other skies.”

    Tanya smiled at that, growing thoughtful as her niece watched the ship curve across the lunar sky and spread its sails ever further. It was a bittersweet moment, but one she would cherish when her sister and niece had left. For now she enjoyed the moment for what it was and savored the shared wonder in the girl’s eyes.

    1. FreeSol Avatar
      FreeSol

      I love this! Not only is this subject near and dear to my heart, but the scene is written in a very digestible way that is at once neatly enclosed and also connected to larger contiguous processes outside the scene.

  13. Strong Berry Avatar
    Strong Berry

    Hide-and-Seek Under Moonlight (Connected to: https://thetalefoundry.com/2023/06/12/writing-group-castle-in-the-sky/#comment-31389)
    By Strong Berry

    Though the moon was already out in the night sky, and his mother told him to return home by sunset, Lot was still out at the forest with his friends. They were playing hide-and-seek, and he just didn’t notice the night creeping in.

    He was hiding behind a blooming tree, and got bored, so he decided to look at the stars. He made a ring with his thumb and finger and looked though it at the sky. He stopped at the full moon, because something about it seemed… different. Not sure what, exactly, he continued to look at it through his hand. Then, he suddenly realized. The moon, for the first time, had fit perfectly in the ring he made. Lot let out a gasp. Never before did the moon fill the ring when he looked at it.

    “Got you!” The seeker announced, but Lot didn’t care. “Look! Look at the moon!” He said to his friend.

    “The moon? What about it?”

    “It’s bigger now! It wasn’t so big before! Here, let me show you.” Lot showed his friend the moon though his hand. “Hey, you’re right! Hey everybody, come take a look!”

    After they’ve all looked and saw the moon got bigger, they began to discuss what that change in size means. Lot seemed to be the one most fascinated by it, and was disappointed not to see the same fascination in his friends. After all, they said, the moon doesn’t really do anything other than light up the night, so a bigger moon is just… a brighter night, and nothing more.

    ——————————–

    When he arrived, he received a big scolding from his mother. He tried to tell her about his discovery, but she brushed it off as him thinking about foolish things instead of his worrying mother, and sent him off to bed.

    Laying in bed, Lot was moments from falling asleep. He thought about today. About the bigger moon, and about what his friends and mother said about it. Maybe they’re all right, it’s nothing special after all.

    Then the world began to shake.

    1. Hey Strong Berry! I love the concept. I really want to know what Lot is. Did he cause the moon to grow with his ring? Did he activate something? Was it just a symbolic moment? I’d need to know more.

      The concept and setting is great, but I think there’s room to grow with your delivery. Unfortunately, I think some of the language took away from the impact of the moments, such as, “he JUST didn’t notice,” “doesn’t REALLY do anything,” “and GOT bored, so he DECIDED TO LOOK at the stars.”

      Don’t let this criticism deter you, though. You’re a good writer, and tone and delivery is something you develop with practice. Keep writing! I would read your work.

      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you the kind words!

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That was a rollercoaster, Strong Berry. Specially for those who had read your other story and knew what was to come.

      I really like the way you keep a fascinated tone during the first half of the story. We are not just following Lot’s perception of a night sky phenomenon. We are sharing his interest, we are as fascinated as he is with his discovery. The flow of the story puts us in that place, and that gives it a particular charm that is quite welcomed.

      And then, this strength of this effect is used to change the tone quite a bit, and we go from one sentiment to a very different one. Powerful contrast in use.

      Also, let me praise your choice of where to end the story. Specially if I try to read this one as a stand alone piece, the implications and the thoughts that are left not explicitly stated, but are clear enough, make it even more disturbing.

      Amazing story. Thanks for sharing it!

      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you for the kind words!

  14. Light of the night.

    By Galer.

    Aranea walked through the garden, the cold of the night clinging to her skin.

    Her pale blue dress was carried by the winds of the night.

    This section of the garden was a special place for a flower to grow.

    A flower she relocated for how dangerous and beautiful it was.

    They were all bathed in pale Moonlight.

    A peculiar sound came out from their opened petals.

    All of them did the same thing when they sang, dropping a crystalline substance.

    One that evaporated in the morning just when the sun came.

    It was a strange phenomenon because the light of the moon was the same as the sun.

    It hardly made any difference.

    “The concept of the moon in the crystalline form,” Aranea thought ” Why did your creator want you to be this way?”

    Sadly the person that created this strange species of magical flowers also died before they could get it out to the public, leaving no other option than study the flower species closely as possible.

    And after studying them they knew three things:

    They were an artificial species closely related to kudzu.

    The droplets of moonlight had strange chemical properties that could be used in sorceries.

    Last but not least their song was their means to talk to each other, they are sentient and they were diurnal.

    “You all are so beautiful and dangerous if you want to be what a contradiction, ” Aranea said out loud and then chuckled at her morbid joke ” Just like human beings, to think some people wanted you dead. Luckily we did the right thing and relocated you… I think?”

    Is not that they were hellbent on conquering, they just wanted to live in peace on this crazy planet.

    The flower’s frequency changed, the melody waved something in the air, and the words thank you could be seen.

    Aranea smiled, “You are welcome.”

    The wind came by, gently hugging Aranea and the flowers under the moonlight.

    1. This worldbuilding is awesome, Galer. Even in this short text, I feel like I received enough information about the magic system you’re designing to be able to continue reading and understand enough about what’s happening. You have a clear mind for creating a world in your reader’s mind, and that shows.

      The language itself was a little tough to read, though. It could have been a stylistic choice, and if so, ignore this feedback. While it didn’t give me any problems understanding what you meant to say, it doesn’t necessarily follow all grammatical rules. If that’s a style choice, then go for it. Otherwise, it may need proofing.

      But again, it didn’t deter my understanding of your text, and it certainly didn’t detract from my enjoyment. It’s a strong concept, good worldbuilding, and I want to read more about your world.

      1. well, the language thing is more a language barrier I have because I talk Spanish not English, I essentially have help from Intternutter to proof read this because English is still difficult for me to write.

        1. That’s totally fair. As a native English speaker, I still get it wrong all the time, so I have nothing but respect for you! Don’t stop!

  15. Midnight Rose (Chronicles of The Dragon)
    By Makokam

    Imogene sat on the floor in the tower study Vlad had constructed for her. She looked up through the windows at the moon as she waited for him to awaken.

    She didn’t know how long this would take; she was the only other person in the world who had undergone such a transformation, and she’d been dead long before it was cast. But Vlad…

    She looked over at his still form, laying in the center of the room. His wounds had healed, but he no longer breathed and his heart didn’t beat. She wasn’t sure what to make of that, as she herself was still as death when she slept. She could only assume it had worked.

    It was well past midnight when he jerked awake.

    He looked himself over, patting at where his vitals had been ready to spill out, only to find his skin whole and his blood unspilled. When his eyes met Imogene’s, he was sure that if they were capable, her eyes would be full of tears.

    She slid herself across the ground and pulled his arm around her as held herself to his chest. “I was a sickly child, rarely able to do much, always smaller and weaker than others in the village. When my father brought me back, he told me I looked healthier, stronger, and more beautiful than I ever had, that I was like a bud that finally bloomed.

    “I never believed him, but seeing you now, as perfect as if the greatest artists had carved you from marble, I understand. For eternity we’ll be together, nothing strong enough to take us away.”

    Vlad held his dear Imogene tightly, too relieved to have escaped death, to be with his beloved midnight rose, to truly consider the meaning of eternity.

    1. Mandatory typo nit:

      “She slid herself across the ground and pulled his arm around her as held herself…” Should that be “AND” held herself?

      I think I recall a story in which Imogene and Vlad were no longer a couple? I could be wrong about this.

      It is interesting to see that Vlad ‘blooms’ into undeath. Which is kind of the opposite of blooming to most minds. Including mine.

      I love it when the story goes counter to the assumptions of the plot.

  16. Ethan Jesse Avatar
    Ethan Jesse

    A World Ever Still
    By Ethan Jesse

    Let it be by the witness of moonlight that my eyes are unwell.

    To view the world beyond this window is a pain most intolerable. Though I am well accustomed to the follies of the night, of which there tend to be few, the deaf tone of the new moon sings a dirge I cannot fathom. I kept candles reserved in the event of a lightless calamity, yet they now blaze ferociously just outside this haunting world of enthrallment, sat still upon my desk.

    Beginning to describe that famine-wrought plane feels a disgrace, as if I blaspheme the very art of language with every drop of spreading ink. Yet, I know something is amiss, and I could not look my fellow men in the eyes should such wedging malice go unrecorded. Recording, for that is just short of breaking these fickle hands…

    Let it be by witness of moonlight that the state of Aethera is unwell.

    Though the green sails of the earth still catch wind in cast numbers, and though the king’s palace yet stands bright amongst the stars, unrest and dishevelment have stained the land. Something writhes…Something toils only in the dead hour of twilight, when the towns grow silent and the farce of rapture fades to black. My hands shake at the thought. It is all I can do to keep my eyes bleeding all I have to the dead moon strung above the shadow of a Carcosan empire. He, if not described as “we”, or not “it” or “the”, embroiling and embroiled, the Red Lotus of Midnight.

    This…is too much for I, who did not flower nor weed. This parchment bears the mark of sins I did not commit, but sins I witness together with Aethera. Tonight births the sorrow of pestilence unspread, the midwife of sullied, rotten spilled blood. The new moon shines still, brighter than my candles, our kindling. The new moon of longing for a paradise since lost.

    Let it be by witness of moonlight that a lotus is blooming, a red thing so sacred to take root in my soul.

    1. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      This is very, very good. I read so many first person narratives where there is a lack of characterisation or the tone and language are just not right (it just sounds like the writer). This on the hand is consistently archaic throughout, with a sense of apprehension verging on impending doom, which creates an eerie atmosphere for the reader. It’s not clear from just reading this in isolation what this is, but I’m not sure that matters all too much. I can feel the uneasiness. To me it seems like a place on the brink of war or rebellion (the hints at famine and pestilence tend to bring those on…although perhaps it is an apocalyptic event now I think of the horsemen). It’s excellently written throughout but this line in particular – “Tonight births the sorrow of pestilence unspread, the midwife of sullied, rotten spilled blood” – is incredibly vivid but also you can feel it being spat with the sibilance within it. It’s really great. The symbolsim/foreshadowing of the red lotus is excellent too (very Daphne de Maurier).

      My one nitpick would be this line: “It is all I can do to keep my eyes bleeding all I have to the dead moon strung above the shadow of a Carsosan empire.” You need a comma after “bleeding” and maybe you’re missing a word (I think probably a verb in the second half of the sentence, which may have been missed as a typo) as the meaning is a little unclear.

      Other than that tiny thing, this was superb! Bravo!

    2. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      Another great, grim piece. This place, Aethere, seems to have been so great once, but now… I don’t even know, honestly, except for famine. It feels Lovecraftian and cryptic and mystical, I suppose that’s you were going for. Your writing is always full of beautiful phrasing, such as that even the cryptic imagery of Aethere is engaging, and that’s rare to see.

      Good job!

  17. koryan Avatar
    koryan

    Blooming under Moonlight

    “Me, lonely?” She repeated the question back to me.

    Silence billowed around us as her dress billowed around her. Or did it ripple through the air like the lake beside us?

    “Why ask such a silly question? One perception does not mean all perceive the moon to be lonely.”

    My hand rests on the hilt of my sword, my weight shifting from foot to another. Looking away meant admitting to the ever growing guilt I felt for asking, but continuing looking at her meant forgiveness that I so craved deep within my soul.

    My breathing became uneven, my throat bobbed from taking a gulp of air, hands now tremmoring. Her eyes, oh gods, those eyes, how they stared back at mine.

    There in the moonlight, she glowed and glided like a luminous lotus resting upon the lake. The very sight can make anyone weep.

    Her outstretched hand gentle on my face as she wiped the tears away.

    “My sweet moon child. Even calm waters see downpours.”

    Time had stopped.

    The tears didn’t stop, flowing like a gushing waterfall. My whole body shook with tremors that wouldn’t stop. Each one rippled through my body not knowing which caused the other. My heart and emotions now reflected like that of the crescent moon, longing for light to radiate off of it.

    Her body, now closer than before, warmth, like a mother’s embrace pierced through my icy skin. I fell victim to her softness. Fingers combing through my hair, her gentle voice, I couldn’t make out a single word. Still, her melodic voice calmed my sorrows I’ve buried deep down.

    With renewed life and vigor like a forest after a rainfall, I stood tall.

    “Come child,” her voice, more urgent than before.

    The leaves rustled on this windless night, red eyes stared back.

    Sword at the ready in the close left position..

    My mind raced with one word.

    Protect.

    My breath quickened.

    Protect.

    Calm your breathing.

    Protect.

    It darted closer and closer.

    Protect.

    Sweat rolled down my neck.

    Protect.

    Protect.

    Protect.

    Protect her with your life.

    That’s when I knew something had bloomed.

    1. Ethan Jesse Avatar
      Ethan Jesse

      I am quite fond of the idea of what appears to be a knight falling for a saintly woman in the hours of twilight. That sense of duty comes across especially well in the end, with the use of repetition carving out the knight’s desire in clear, bold letters. My only regret is not knowing who this woman is, and how she’s come to meet this man, but I suppose that mystery makes it all the more enthralling. Good work!

    2. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      It’s all very chivalrous. I’m getting visions of king Arthur and the Lady of the Lake. If I’m reading it right this blooming isn’t romantic, it’s a caring and longing for a maternal figure (otherwise it’s more than little Oedipal). I really like the repetition of protect. I would say that I don’t think you need the last line, I’ve said this to a few people this week, but it’s a little on the nose. It kind of takes you out of the story a little bit. Trust your reader to pick up on the subtext, especially as everyone on here already knows what the prompt is anyway. Other than that, I really enjoyed it. Well done!

  18. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    [DM me on Discord for details!]

    1. Ethan Jesse Avatar
      Ethan Jesse

      Ah, an oddly human situation among among all the mystical experiences I’ve read for this prompt! I can’t help but chuckle at seeing a man convince himself that his reactions won’t be adequate, that things will not go as planned, yet still being left in awe at the sight of the woman he’s come to fancy. After all, nobody can quite gauge their emotions until they feel them in full. And yet, he doesn’t remain dumbstruck, and manages to somewhat regain composure before having his feelings reaffirmed. A fun read, Kaylie. Good work!

    2. Firstly, love the title lol. That worked really well with the content of the story.

      And this story works on such a human level. I know it has to be tricky to portray Savion in a standalone story because him being a wolf previously is such a huge part of his character and motivations, but for this one it really stands without that bit of usually important information.

      It’s just about someone dressing up and not feeling like themselves, while hoping they react the way the girl they like wants. It’s such a relatable thing lol. I have to wear a shirt and tie for work and it still makes me feel like an alien so I’m right there with him.

      What I think truly stole the show though was his worry about reacting to Lynai the right way just for him to give the exact reaction she wanted by being genuine. I’ve been there too. You think you know what to expect in that situation and then it’s just an overload of beauty and you’re realizing your jaw is on the floor.

      That said, he recovered very well with the flower line, which got a legitimate laugh out of me.

      Excellent take on the prompt! Thanks for sharing!

    3. koryan Avatar
      koryan

      Aww this is so cute. I would love to their relationship grow. I would like to see a bit more of what he is, or a bit more descriptors of his appearance and why, what I’m assuming is to be with a human? It makes me wonder if they went to enemies to lovers or if he is now there to simply observe and try to understand humans. If that is your goal all of those options sound perfect and fun to explore.

    4. Ah! This was great!

      Oh, I love seeing Savion head over heels for Lynai. I really wish I could draw Lynai in her dress.

      The build up of everything with Savion heading there, and thinking about clothes, and hoping he’d be able to give her the reaction she wants despite him not caring about fashion.

      And then he gives her EXACTLY the reaction she wants, because of course it doesn’t have anything to do with the clothes themselves.

      I love that he was able to pull himself together enough to attempt a counter attack, even if everyone immediately saw it for what it was.

      AND I love her response, and her calling him beautiful.

  19. Reinkarnitor Avatar
    Reinkarnitor

    A walk in the dark

    by Reinkarnitor

    “Yaaaaaaawn!”

    Fiona giggled as her friend made the long-stretched sound.

    “Tired, my love?”

    “Oh, I’ll live” he joked and took her hand again.

    So the walk through the park, which the two were on, continued. They passed the little pond where a waterfall splashed playfully, breaking the still surface. Next they left the official path of the park and came to a batch of oak trees which marked the end of the otherwise flat grassy area which they were in until now.

    As they entered, the leaves closed the sky atop of them, starlight only breached the branches in some spots.

    “Pretty dark, huh?” Fiona stated, which earned her a chuckle from John.

    “Not for you, I imagine.”

    “I wanted to be nice” she admitted with a grin, and her fangs twinkled in the dim light.

    The two continued to stroll through the forest, Fiona gently guiding John by holding his hand. She was careful not to walk him into trees or over uneven surfaces, where he could have fallen down.

    “Sorry.”

    The word came as a surprise to the vampire.

    “What are you apologizing for?”

    “Well…that you have to babysit me.”

    “Nonsense, this is nothing” she assured him.

    It got silent for a while, until they saw the edge of the forest, where the moon shined on the grass. In the distance they could even see the lanterns of the path again.

    They were short before reaching it, when Fiona suddenly turned around and took both of John’s hands in hers. She pulled him in and then, without warning, placed a kiss on his lips.

    For a short while they just stood there and enjoyed the moment, but eventually the need for air became too great…for John at least.

    As they broke apart, they both smiled at each other happily.

    “Don’t you dare to ever look down on yourself again” Fiona whispered, then she stepped out of the forest, twirling with a light laugh, her dress spinning around her.

    And as he watched her there, John couldn’t help but think that she truly was…blooming in moonlight.

  20. Ben Vaul Avatar
    Ben Vaul

    How I Found My God
    By: Ben Vaul

    Take a few seconds and look around wherever you are reading this. Take in your surroundings. Is there anything that you appreciate, or feel gratitude toward? It could be the sunset, your phone, even a lamppost. Whatever draws your eye. Pick one, and sit for a second, truly allowing that gratitude to swell over you. How lucky you are to have such a thing, and to live in such a time and place to experience it. How would your life be different without it? How is your life better because of it? It exists here and now despite the suffering of the world, despite all the forces of nature and man that may have stopped it.

    Now, set aside some time later to repeat this. Pick something new around you, and let that same sentiment flow through you. I prefer every hour, but do whenever works for you.

    You might find that it is convenient to personify the abstract collection of what you are appreciating. “Thank you for the craftsmanship of this desk”, even if the “you” is no one in particular. “I appreciate the universe providing me this unobstructed view of the full moon tonight” works just as well. It really is up to you how you characterize it.

    This persona itself becomes your god. Maybe not the one you grew up told to believe in, but one uniquely yours. You can refer to it as He or She or It, or even a friendly Jon or Carol. You can pray to it in ways outside your ritual of appreciation, or stick solely to that one practice. You can ascribe benevolence and will to it, or consider it just a force of the universe’s natural order.

    I am writing this now on my patio under the light of an absolutely stunning half moon, casting beautifully complex and shifting reflections on the pool. Whatever shape you mold your god into, I hope that you too experience that love and joy for the world. Like mine now, blooming under the moonlight.

  21. WriterOfThought Avatar
    WriterOfThought

    A Rose in Bloom
    WriterOfThought

    Helena was hiding in her favorite place to sulk: in her father’s study, crammed between the desk and the bookcase. The gap had always been just big enough for her to fit in its space, no matter how much she had grown, and it always had the perfect view of the family crest on the opposite wall: a red rose on a black field.

    She could not, for the life of her, figure out why she was in such a bitter mood that day. But she knew that she wanted to be alone, unbothered, and surrounded by what she considered her true friends: books. Not that she was particularly in the mood to read any of them at the moment.

    It wasn’t uncommon for Helena to find herself in these moods where the thought of having to interact with anyone caused hundreds of kinds of negativity to well up within her. Anger, discomfort, sadness, grumpiness, all sorts of unpleasant emotions swirled inside of the raven-haired ball of rage currently staring at the Bloodstone Rose on the wall.

    She wanted to imagine the rose as shut, as a flower without the sunlight, as a bud. When she blinked, that was what she saw. It was how she wanted to feel at the moment. Like a bud refusing to blossom out of unsourced spite.

    The closed rose stared at her from the wall, reflecting her emotional state back at her, forcing her to feel the aura she was exuding on the small room.

    But then she noticed something out of place. A book on her father’s shelf had fallen over, but to where she could barely not see the text that lay, knowledge waiting to be consumed. As grumpy as she was, her curiosity tended to win out.

    Book, or bud. Leave the safety, or stay in the brambles. Go to the thing she enjoys, or stay in the comfortability of anger.

    The book won, in the end. Helena crawled her way out of the cranny, and towards the book. And on the wall, the rose bloomed once more.

    1. Ah, yes, the classic feeling of wanting the company of books more than the company of people. In all seriousness, I really like how we get into Helena’s head here. I really feel like I can empathize with her a lot, in the way that she just wants to be left alone with her books for a little bit.

      I like how the rose acts in this piece. I read it as the rose representing her courage in leaving her hiding place, to confront whatever the world has to offer. The use of the line “once more” at the end, implies that she does this regularly and I’m glad that Helena can find the strength to keep going like this. Even if she sometimes just has to hide for a bit.

      Well done!

    2. Ben Vaul Avatar
      Ben Vaul

      I have always been a bit of an introvert and taken comfort in books over people many times throughout my life. I remember having an argument with a family member one evening as a child, and I holed up in my room reading with a flashlight until I saw the morning light through my curtains. Whether the book is a page-turner or I just want to be alone – often both – I feel like I understand the sentiment.

    3. Lol well I definitely feel this one. As someone who works customer service, there are quite a few times when I just don’t want to have to deal with people, and would prefer the company of a good book.

      What I especially liked about this story was Helen not knowing why she was angry, which I also think is a very understandable feeling. As well as being happy around books that you don’t even feel like reading at that moment. But you know that they’re things that bring you joy so just the close proximity is enough to calm the people anxiety.

      I also like how the rose was used in this story. That she just wanted to close herself off from everyone and the rose reflected that state of mind was a fun way to use the prompt.

      Very fun story! Loved the ending! Thanks for sharing.

    4. Anton Kragh Paaskesen Avatar
      Anton Kragh Paaskesen

      What an adorable piece. I was smiling ear to ear when reading it since I know how it feels to just be in a bit of a sour mood for no clear reason. Being an introvert i can also definitely relate to the feeling, of wanting to shut yourself away from others. and your use of rose metaphors in your prose is simply inspiring. Well done i say.

  22. TBH that sounds like a rule you should be breaking. How can you know what stories are gaining an audience if you don’t stretch them?

  23. Boople Avatar
    Boople

    Bloody, cold, and beautiful
    By: Boople

    The samurai stood firm as the night breeze crawled along his bare skin. He could hear it whistle gently around the bamboo that enveloped his surroundings, paired with the ripple of tired koi in the pond that lay ahead of him the samurai clasped his sword firm and reflected on the day behind him.

    As he recalled his strikes, he swung his sword.

    As he recalled his defenses, he felt the impact of each block.

    As he recalled his mistake, he became acutely aware of blood now plastered to his side and the pain of steel cleaving him above the right hip.

    Even in the chill of darkness, sweat glistened his skin. Like the water of the pond and the gleam of his blade, his sweat too reflected the moon.

    Sweat from fear,

    from exhaustion,

    from pain.

    He had been swinging, stepping and dancing through his memory since sundown, creating crescent moons of his own as he cut the wind this night. It was not until the koi slept that he felt sated in his refinement, and as the water stilled he decided to lay his bare back on grass below.

    And above him there were stars.

    Beautiful stars that had captivated his mind since he first opened his eyes. Although the life he decided to lead was rougher, wandering alone and scrounging to survive, he found inspiration in those stars. In their beauty, and in the beauty of this world around him. He wanted to live and be free, and he found freedom in steel.

    To the samurai, life is beautiful, living is beautiful, and he wanted to be beautiful in every aspect he could. Under the stars and under the moon he planted a simple resolution that would grow into his foundation, Bloom.

    Let his mind bloom, Let his skills bloom, and let his heart bloom. Foster it all with diligence and love so they may never wither, and die as a man who had seen true beauty.

    1. Boople Avatar
      Boople

      jeebus criminy the challenge was tough for me, also hi again I’m gonna TRY to write more but no promises, Hope you enjoyed the story and if you didn’t please do tell me what went wrong!

    2. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      There’s a lot to like here, but there is also an over-reliance on a couple of techniques, which work well at times but at others not quite as impactful as you probably wanted it to be. So I’ll do a bit of teachery feedback with a WWW (What Went Well) and EBI (Even Better If). I hope that’s okay.

      WWW
      -Loved the enjambment of the “Sweat from fear…”. That stylistic choice really works well, and it makes that rule/list of three work. The enjambment slows the reader down, it forces them to, so we linger upon them and because of that it has the desired effect.
      -Your prose is also very good. My favourite part was “Even in the chill of darkness, sweat glistened [on] his skin. Like the water of the pond and the gleam of his blade, his sweat too reflected the moon.” It’s vivid and the imagery of the moon, the water and the darkness really is quite beautiful. The sybolism of the reflection is also really important for the character.
      -The conception of the story itself is also engaging and an interesting mini-character study of someone trying to hone their skills and learn from their mistakes.
      -You use personification/pathetic fallacy effectively in the opening paragraph too.

      EBI
      -You use repetition too much. This line works really well: “He wanted to live and be free, and he found freedom in steel.” There’s a setup, there’s a pay off and you don’t overdo it. It’s fluent and it feels natural while still poetic. But the repetition/rule of three of “beautiful” and “bloom” don’t work for me. It’s tricky to say just why they don’t. I suspect with the “beautiful” phrase it’s just a little cliched. I think the ‘bloom’ should work but doesn’t. I suspect it’s because there’s not enough setup for the metaphor to work, so it’s not actually the phrasing, which is actually fine, but it’s that the payoff isn’t gratifying because other than you using the word “planted” in the previous sentence, it kind of comes out of nowhere. I suspect you were trying to squeeze it in to fit the prompt, but I think it’s just a little on the nose and I think sometimes less is more. Thematically we can see the blooming in the character so we don’t necessarily need it spelt out for us. Or if you do then you need a semantic field where blossoming, growth, flowering etc… are used. Or use symbolism to do it, so we as readers can draw the comparisons.
      -The final thing is the repetition/rule of three again with “As he recalled his strikes…”. Again I can see what you were going for, almost using it as a mini-refrain, and this is something that can really well. I think the trouble here is simply “As”. I think get rid of it so instead it reads either “He recalled his…” or “Recalling his…”. I’d also do-away with the comma for either a semi-colon or a full stop (period if you’re American). It’ll just make it cleaner and actually make it more rhythmic. But overall, just watch the repetition to make sure you’re not overdoing it.

      I hope none of that has come across as harsh. I’ve really tried to be constructive with what I don’t think works and why. But I think it’s well written, and interesting, and a good effort. You said you were quite happy to have feedback, so I hope this helps. I really hope you continue to contribute, because I think there’s a lot of potential here. I took some time off from writing on here and have only just returned, and I am rusty as anything. Far from firing on all-cylinders at the minute. The more I look at my own story from this week, the more flaws I find in it, the more irritated I am with it. So I am far from a perfect writer. So feel free to rip mine apart if you like. Thank you for sharing!

      1. Boople Avatar
        Boople

        I could not have asked for a better comment, I really am so damn happy you took the time to really pick apart my story for the good and the bad. I will say the part I felt was lacking was definitely when I explicitly said ‘he is blooming waow’, but I didn’t trust I could portray how I wanted to show the prompt, and even when I was writing I felt like i did do repetition a bit too much, and I’ll work on that next I do implement it.

        But more than anything thank you, I really appretiate what you’ve said, and I will be reading you story today, but I apologize in advance I don’t believe my comment will be nearly as insightful as yours

  24. Shinigamma Avatar
    Shinigamma

    The Milky Waves
    by Shinigamma

    Parminda gripped the railing while staring straight ahead into the eternal darkness. On this night, clouds had stolen the Moon and stars. The only light was the soft glow of the instruments in the cabin; the only sound was the gentle lapping of water against the side of the boat. The other scientists could not be seen in the thick gloom, nor could they be heard. Their anxiety had snatched away their breath.

    Parminda jumped at a sudden rustling to her right. She was about to curse her colleague Tariq, when she noticed his eyes. A pink light was glimmered within them.

    She turned to face forward and saw it. The pink hole in the darkness, a rosy beacon in the endless night.

    Parminda pointed at the luminous glow. “There!” she cried.

    The night was ripped apart by the rumble of the starting engine. Soon, the boat was alive with figures scrambling about, grabbing nets, carrying buckets, and setting up cameras. Only Parminda stayed where she was, her eyes glued upon the bewitching sight ahead.

    At first, they looked like a mass of round fuchsia petals, bobbing up and down at the ocean surface. Long, delicate ribbons floated wistfully beneath each circular head. As the boat cruised through the shimmering, pink expanse, some heads curved away from the hull, sweeping gracefully through the water.

    The skipper switched off the engine, so now the boat appeared to float through a cnidarian sea. All activity ceased, as everyone’s eyes absorbed the spectacular parade around them.

    A cloud moved.

    Everyone gasped.

    The full Moon tore open the night, her blinding rays sweeping across the endless sea. The jellyfish turned their heads to the great face in the sky, and began to drink the bright light pouring down on them. The pink glow faded, now replaced with a heavenly white that sparkled for miles around.

    Parminda let go of the railing. Tariq lowered his camera. The others dropped their nets and sampling jugs and measuring equipment.

    Not moving, not breathing, simply standing in awe as the boat drifted across the milky waves.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is such a beautiful piece, Shinigama. One of my favorite storylines is when a person or people go to record a once in a lifetime phenomenon and, forgetting to record, they simply get caught up in the moment and enjoy the natural gorgeousness of it all. You allowed your descriptions to flourish, and the results are spectacular.

      I love the buildup with how the stars and moon aren’t visible at first so the characters and reader get an uninterrupted view of the jellyfish while they’re still pink. And when the moon comes out, they absorb the white light and produce a second magnificent light. The way in which you paint the picture of the scene is truly inspiring. I feel as though I was right there with the crew to witness it.

      {She was about to curse her colleague Tariq, when she noticed his eyes. A pink light was glimmered within them.

      She turned to face forward and saw it. The pink hole in the darkness, a rosy beacon in the endless night.} [This is such an outstanding description. It’s unparalleled.]

      The title is also really great. I adore the play on The Milky Way. I have nothing but praise for this story. It’s gentle, soft, sweet, and it leaves me oddly nostalgic. Excellent writing. I cannot wait to see what you have next time. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this.

      1. Shinigama Avatar
        Shinigama

        Thanks Lunabear, I too love moments where you have no choice but to absorb it through your own senses rather than through a camera lens.

        I’m glad that I managed to move you so with my story! Thanks for the review!

  25. The Missing Link Avatar
    The Missing Link

    Petals in the Night
    By: The Missing Link

    Lenore heard the murder float through the air, mingling with her gossamer raven hair. Their cries amassed around the sport of the night, the crippled body of her sister Annabel. A corset of blood bloomed from the white of her favorite dress as the avian chorus commenced their feast.

    Lenore felt nothing, seeing another songbird ground into the dust, another freed from its cage. But those eyes, those glowing eyes, burned deep in her soul, a brand within her chest forever to burn.

    Her breath grew ragged, her eyes blurred. Minutes faded to days, weighed down by the agent of Fate within her palms, still blowing its rose of smoke.

    She heard it more than felt it when the rain joined the chorus of the ravens in that yard, an accompaniment to the march of Annabel’s heart. Their symphony drowned the rest of the night, holding Lenore transfixed by its spell.

    And so, she stood beneath the gate within the yard as the thunder covered the echo of the gun, now ice in her palm. Her gaze fell on one eye, peeking through the birds, staring back into her own. No one would come to ease her vertigo or the acid from her throat swimming in rain and blood.

    “It had to be done,” she said to herself. “It had to be done. It had to be done.”

    No longer able to tell the rain from the tears, she swung at the birds to view the flower stripped of its petals, once,

    And nevermore.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Such morose beauty, Missing! I love that this could be perhaps a prelude to The Raven and a post mortem tale to Annabel Lee. This story is visceral, gothic, immersive, and macabre. It’s also got a fast pace to it, which helps to keep the reader invested. At the end, the reader is left to sit with it and let everything sink in.

      It feels like they’re fighting their own demons, in a way, and they’ve both lost. It’s tragic. Also, the eye peeking through the moving birds feels like an homage to The Fall of the House of Usher who is the sister returns to life every night for her brother. It’s like Annabel is waiting for Lenore, beckoning her. It’s all so grim.

      I love the blood that blooming on the white (moonlight) of the dress. It’s like the corruption and then death of innocence and purity. Also, that imagery is stark and gorgeous and really intense. I love it.

      Truly glorious story. I’ve also noticed that in some instances, there are these almost rhymes, like poetry. Absolutely one of my favorites from this week. I think Poe would be absolutely enamored with this piece. He would love it. I’m going to bask in this story for a little while longer, but I cannot wait to see what you post next time. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this one.

  26. R J Chapman Avatar
    R J Chapman

    “Ascension” by R J Chapman

    The full Moon broke through the whispers of cloud, drenching the white cliffs in a pale pool of light. Entranced, he basked in it, savouring its glow. Beneath him, the waves raged their eternal war against the chalk. He let the zephyr wash over him, in a futile effort to cool himself. To no avail, the hot blood still gushed through his veins, and he remained lost in rapture.

    ‘It’s so…’ he couldn’t adequately sum up his thoughts with an adjective.

    ‘I know,’ his companion smiled.

    ‘Does it always feel like this?’

    ‘Yes. That rage and terror falls away until all that’s left is…’

    ‘Peace?’ he interjected.

    ‘More like transcendence. We are gods after all.’

    ‘But they don’t worship us. They fear us.’

    ‘Have you ever read the Old Testament? It’s the same damn thing. We offer them the bliss they crave.’

    ‘Bliss? But we kill them.’

    ‘And it’s the last thing they feel. We give them that. In return, like the Almighty, all we demand is a blood sacrifice. How did it taste?’

    ‘She tasted…’ his eyes flickered at the memory her. Wrapped in his death grip, she whimpered and moaned as he gnawed and sucked and gulped the elixir from her neck until there was nothing left inside her. ‘It was like I was on fire. Every muscle in my body was surging with power and I felt like I could tear the world in half.’

    ‘Have you screamed yet?’ his companion smirked.

    ‘No. What do you mean?’

    ‘It’s what we do. Someone once told me that it was their souls trying to escape.’

    ‘Souls?’

    ‘He was a superstitious one. A monk, actually. I enjoyed killing him.’ Their irisless eyes looked almost wistful on this admission. ‘Incredulous nonsense, of course. It’s just a predatory thing, but it’s a fun ritual all the same. And it does help with the burning.’

    ‘I still feel like I’m on fire.’

    His companion patted him on the shoulder and held out their hand to the horizon. Together, from the top of the world, they bellowed at the face of God.

    **Posted for the second time as I went back to edit my original post and then got a spam message and my story disappeared! If the original does to reappear please delete/ignore**

    1. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      I’ve broken my cardinal rule of always writing something completely new. I genuinely couldn’t think of anything else for this prompt (well nothing good anyway). My internal monologue was “Don’t write about vampires. Don’t write about vampires. Don’t write about vampires. [1 day later] So…vampires!” This is a prequel to a story I wrote 3 years ago called “A New Day” for the ‘Ye Shall Be As Gods’ prompt. I’ll put a link in the post below if anyone is interested in reading it (it is also on the Tale Foundry Scrapyard YouTube channel). Anyway, this story is set about 100 years before “A New Day”. I was also cursing myself for not naming the characters in the original, which is why they don’t have names here.

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      RJ, you’re back! I have missed your stories, man. This one is no exception. It’s really spooky and expressive and dark, and I personally feel like I’ve dropped down a notch on the food chain.

      That is definitely a thing, some vampires thinking that they are gods and wanting to have their fill of humans because they feel entitled. I love the detail that the burning never goes away, even after a feeding. That would explain why vampires are always hissing and eternally tortured. Also, then sneering and screaming at God is hilarious to me. It’s so spiteful and petty. Just that little hint of a biblical reference to vampires being fallen angels, cursed forever.

      So the blooming of the second vampires nature is happening underneath this full moon. The telepathy is another great detail that I really love. This does not detract from the story in any way, but I am curious about the relationship of these two. Are they maker and progeny, are they good friends, is the telepathy result of a hive mind, or is this a common thing among vampires, or is this something between the two of them? Fun little questions.

      I didn’t get to read your story last week, but I’m glad I got to read this one. It’s great to have you back and writing again. I hope you’ve been well. I am always excited to see what you post. I cannot wait for next time. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this one.

      1. R J Chapman Avatar
        R J Chapman

        Felicia? I didn’t recognise your name at first so had to look at some old stories and realised you used to post as Luna Lover but you’ve seemingly evolved into Lunabear! How the devil are you? I’ve not recognised many names since coming back. I think Masacur is the only one I do remember. It’s great to see you’re still on here.

        I took what was intended to be a short break as I was teaching online during Lockdown so was sick of staring at a screen all day. Also became a dad, which is the most amazing thing, but it saps your creative energy. So I’ve not really written for 3 years, so I’m a bit rusty. My stories since coming back have been a bit scripty. Just struggling a bit with description at the minute. I was read out a couple of weeks ago though, which was nice. It was a horrible story to read aloud though as it was full of Nottingham English dialect and slang, so I felt really sorry for Kaylie trying to read it. I’ve written 5 in a row now though, so I’m just trying to get back into the habit of forcing myself to do it.

        Anyway, to the story itself. Yes it’s a sire and someone they have recently turned. It’s the progeny’s first kill. This is a prequel to a previous story (actually the last one I wrote before my break funnily enough) that happens in the same location, with the same two characters but 100 years later and the relationship and attitude has changed significantly. There’s a link to it in the post above. I think the other one is much better to be honest, and more tightly written, but it was interesting returning to the characters and working backwards a little.

        Thank you so much for the feedback. I really appreciate it. It was great to hear from you again. I will have a read of your story and do a review either tonight or tomorrow. I’m looking forward to reading it!

        1. Lunabear Avatar
          Lunabear

          That is me. I changed my name so long ago that I forgot that I changed my name. Lol.

          YOU’RE A DADDY???Awwwwwwww!!! That’s so wonderful. Congratulations! I hope you and your family are happy and healthy. Please take care of yourselves.

          I can relate some of being a mom of a very energetic 8-year-old. Creativity seems to go out of the window in favor of responsibility, but it can be an inspirational boon at times, too. It is great that you have had a break and taking time away for yourself and your loved ones.

          Also, yeah. There are over 7,000 members on Tale Foundry, now. It’s been growing, and so lots of new members. MasaCur is still, yes.

          Oh! I don’t remember reading a new day back then, but I just read it, and it’s pretty heavy while also somehow being whimsical. I really enjoyed both stories.

          So glad to know that you’re getting back into the swing of things. I hope the transitioning of returning is kind to you. Once again, great job.

    3. Boople Avatar
      Boople

      As expected from your review, I beyond impressed. In such a short time span you make two distinct and flavorful characters, one a casual narcissist and the other just opening their eyes to the new world ahead of them. Nothing felt stale and it was such a smooth and engaging read. If there is anything I have the ability to critique it’s that the end feels a tad jarring, I don’t know why and I don’t know how it could be improved upon, if it needs to be at all again this is a marvelously written story top to bottom I am just trying to find anything I could say thats not praise.

      Another thing is it doesn’t need anymore context to feel complete, it a little thing to end on but this really does feel like it could stand alone or be expanded upon and be still equally as well written.

      1. R J Chapman Avatar
        R J Chapman

        I know what you mean about the ending being a little jarring. From the start I had this image of them roaring off the top of the White Cliffs of Dover in a predatory way, which I thought mirrored what happens at the ends of the original with the protege killing himself and his sire with the sunrise. So I wrote the final line when I wrote the first paragraph, but I was writing towards it so I agree it doesn’t feel that organic and is a little forced. I should have either taken a bit more care to set it up or should have been a bit more ruthless and killed my darling.

        Hopefully, it stands alone okay even if it was written as mirror image of the original, but you never know. It’s almost impossible to be objective with your own writing because you know the intention so sometimes you just don’t do enough, or you’re too obscure for the reader to follow what you’re trying to do. I’m glad that the older vampire comes across that way, as I really wanted to depict him as this utter megalomaniacal bastard, that corrupts and twists his protege. Anyway, enough of my pretentious ramblings. I’m glad you liked it and thank you for the review.

    4. koryan Avatar
      koryan

      This makes me want to read more about these creatures and their relationship. If you decide to continue developing this into a story I can already see what I presume to be the main character wrestling with his inner humanity and we get a taste for it that makes me want to see more.

      1. R J Chapman Avatar
        R J Chapman

        As I said in the earlier posts, this is essentially a prequel, so basically I have an end and a beginning now. But I think this is the last time I’ll visit these characters. I fear it might get a bit Anne Rice if I do (if it isn’t already!) But if you do want to know what happens 100 years later, and you haven’t already, check out the link in the posts above. Thanks for the review. It’s very much appreciated and I will try and get yours reviewed at some point today.

    5. The companion sounds like an entity to avoid if at all possible. They sound like a really creepy being.

      If they and your protagonist appear a third time, you should think of names for them. [I have tried to write longer stories with nameless entities myself, and there’s just a certain moment that I think, “Names have become necessary”]

      You have a very interesting take on godhood here. Specifically the godhood that requires blood sacrifices, and how that could feel to someone new to deification.

      That is, I can presume that your protagonist is relatively new to deification and getting strength through belief and sacrifices. The imagery here fits entirely with that conclusion. I like your work here.

      1. R J Chapman Avatar
        R J Chapman

        Yeah I agree with the names issue. In the original I referred to the sire as “it”, which worked for that piece because I wanted them/him (technically could be her, although I never envisioned them as female but there’s nothing to in the text to say they aren’t) to come across as a not human, and therefore the protagonist was fine as “he”. But in this one the pronouns became a issue, so had to use neutral ones for the companion just for a little clarity and differentiation. But it doesn’t work great and I should have just given them names. Thanks for the review!

    6. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This was very, very enjoyable.

      I love how the piece progress slowly in realization – both for the fledgling vampire, and to the reader, who is slowly being presented this world and its characters. I also really appreciate how different perceptions on their conditions is present through the story, and how each of them is clearly the vision of someone specifically in universe. What is the nature of vampirism in this story? Seems like we only have some subjective theories. What is the fate of those consumed by the vampires? Equally, we know of what at least two vampires think about it, and what one of them describe feeling like during and after the consumption… but we are left to make our own conclusions on the matter. I really appreciate that.

      This was a very fun story and all the pieces just fit perfectly together. It flows well, the dialogue feels natural, the descriptions are gripping and well made, and the characters and emotions are well conveyed.

      Thanks for sharing!

  27. Reidrev Avatar
    Reidrev

    Night Watch
    By Reidrev

    Uther was relieved, he was chasing a intruder in the east wing, meaning he had a distraction from his thoughts.

    To say his afternoon was disastrous would be putting it mildly. Aléa’s mysterious friend, Morgan, turned out to be the biggest jerk he ever met and he had to watch, Vivianne the cute mage apprentice, run away teary-eyed.

    There he was thinking about that lass’s face again. Especially her freckles—gold dust sprinkled around big grey eyes, teary eyes. He pressed on trying to escape his wandering mind. The silhouette wasn’t that quick, but Uther didn’t want them to notice him, he wanted a distraction after all, and he couldn’t have that if he caught the guy right away. Couldn’t be anything less than a kid anyway, a cocky noble child who thought they were above laws.

    The shadow slipped behind a large wooden door at the end of the hallway. « the ancient war room ?Weird » thought Uther « there’s nothing there but space and dust ». Uther stood in front of it for a bit, trying to hear the intruder’s goal before bursting inside, going off on the nitwit and returning to night watch and thoughtful boredom.

    There was a lot of noise—jumping around, running and several concerning crashes. Uther was ready to bust the door open ; his duty was more important than his curiosity after all but he stopped. There was another sound, like cicadas whispering, discreet but unmistakable—someone was weaving magic in there. Uther pushed the door slightly ajar, if he startled the fool inside they could blow both of them up.

    It was a woman, big grey eyes and gold freckles. Jumping on newly made rock pillars, throwing fire then ice before jumping down to take one of the ice spear as a weapon. She was sweating buckets but she never stopped for a second, she was furiously training, training to fight. Uther quietly closed the door with a smirk, already seeing Morgan’s face getting punched in by a cute gold sprinkled mage.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Reidrev, that opening line is really a hook. It had me wondering how bad could your thoughts be for you to be grateful to have an intruder in your home.

      So, his concern is for his friend. That makes me curious about what Morgan said to Vivianne to make her cry.

      I will say that wrapping the story around like that is really fun. Vivianne and Morgan seem close, especially if he could hurt her feelings like that. She gets a little bit of payback at the end, I see. Good for her. I also really enjoy the way she’s described. She has some lovely physical attributes, most noticeably the freckles. I love freckles.

      I will admit that for me personally, the blooming part of the story is really difficult to discern. The closest I can get to it, and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, is Vivianne becoming stronger with her magic. Because when she left, she was a mage apprentice. So, she went off to strengthen herself, and allowed her magic and abilities to grow. And it happens to be night time. Very well done.

      Critiques:

      Uther was relieved(;) he was chasing a(n) intruder in the east wing, meaning he had a distraction from his thoughts.

      Aléa’s mysterious friend, Morgan, turned out to be the biggest jerk he ever met and he had to watch Vivianne(,) the cute mage apprentice, run away teary-eyed.

      The silhouette wasn’t that quick, but Uther didn’t want them to notice him(.) (H)e wanted a distraction after all, and he couldn’t have that if he caught the guy right away.

      Uther pushed the door slightly ajar(.) (I)f he startled the fool inside they could blow both of them up.

      Jumping on newly made rock pillars, throwing fire then ice before jumping down to take one of the ice spear(s) as a weapon.

      The way Uther leaves the two to their sparring is pretty funny. At least he knows his friend is okay. I will say that he is a little bit too relaxed in regards to leaving them in his house to fight. Lol. This is a really neat story. Some fun, engaging action. You tell your stories well. I am excited to see what you post next. Thank you very much for writing and sharing this one.

      1. Reidrev Avatar
        Reidrev

        Alright ! First things first thank you SO MUCH for your review. You really didn’t need to be so detailed but you did and that bring me joy^^
        I’m glad you liked the story and many thanks for the grammatical corrections ^^
        The blooming part is that Uther kind of patronizing, he doesn’t Vivianne as capable of defending herself until he see her train. So she showed him another side of her during this night, kinda like a flower showing her core by blooming. Yeah it’s a bit vague i’ll admit any advice on how to make it clearer ?
        Also it seems you misunderstood a few things so if you had any advice on how to make those parts clear that’ll be super cool :
        Uther isn’t in his house, he’s a guard on night duty. Morgan, Uther, Vivianne and Aléa all live in the same huge castle.
        The story is entirely confined in the same single day. Vivianne is still a mage apprentice but she’s trying to be more on the fighting side which is very uncommon for a mage.
        In the last part Vivianne isn’t fighting Morgan, she trains alone. Uther just imagine Morgan getting beat up by her.

        So yeah, if you could tell how to make those information easily understood by the reader that’ll be cool ^^
        For what Morgan could have said to Vivianne to make her cry it’ll need a bit more context. See, in this setting Mages are seen as precious, beings loved by the gods. So they are coddled and aren’t expected to fight or to do much more than easy labor.
        Morgan doesn’t think that way. Basically telling Vivianne that if the gods loved her they were the only one that did and all that coddling wasn’t out of respect but out of fear. Putting himself as the only one who refused to bow down to the mage’s superiority and the only “honest” one. Of course to the extremely shy and sensible Vivianne that was a violent gut punch. Especially since she does her hardest to “deserve” her powers.

      2. Reidrev Avatar
        Reidrev

        I can’t edit it and seems my comment got erased ^^” Any idea of what i could do ?

        1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
          i-prefer-the-term-antihero

          I have no idea why your comment was put in spam…Did I fix the issue?

          1. Reidrev Avatar
            Reidrev

            You really did ! Thanks a lot ^^

          2. Reidrev Avatar
            Reidrev

            Although i still can’t edit my original post… Should i repost it ?

            1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
              i-prefer-the-term-antihero

              Sorry for the delay! What would you like to edit? I can edit it for you!

              1. Reidrev Avatar
                Reidrev

                Sorry for my own delay ! And thank you so much !
                Yes I wanted to edit my original post (the story), correcting it if you will.
                If that really doesn’t bother you to do this in my stead here goes (and, if you can’t copy and paste it, don’t bother ^^ The story is mostly fine as it is and i really don’t want ya to do so much extra work) :

                Night Watch
                By Reidrev

                Uther was relieved ; he was chasing an intruder in the east wing of the castle, meaning he had a distraction from his thoughts.

                To say his afternoon was disastrous would be putting it mildly. Aléa’s mysterious friend, Morgan, turned out to be the biggest prick he ever met and he had to watch Vivianne, the cute mage, run away teary-eyed.

                There he was thinking about that lass’s face again. Especially her freckles—gold dust sprinkled around big grey eyes, teary eyes. « This Morgan, I’ll punch his teeth in. How could he be so monstrous to such a sweet mage. » He pressed on trying to escape his wandering mind. The silhouette wasn’t that quick, but Uther didn’t want them to notice him. He wanted a distraction after all, and he couldn’t have that if he catched the guy right away.

                The shadow slipped behind a large wooden door at the end of the hallway. « the ancient war room ? Weird » thought Uther « there’s nothing there but space and dust ». He stood there, eavesdropping for a bit before bursting inside, going off on the nitwit and returning to night watch and thoughtful boredom.

                There was a lot of noise—jumping around, running and several concerning crashes. Uther was ready to bust the door open ; his duty was more important than his curiosity after all but he stopped. There was another sound, like cicadas whispering, discreet but unmistakable—someone was weaving magic in there. Uther pushed the door slightly ajar. If he startled the fool inside they could blow both of them up.

                It was a woman, big grey eyes and gold freckles. Jumping on newly made rock pillars, throwing fire then ice before jumping down to take one of the ice spears as a weapon. She was sweating buckets but she never stopped for a second, she was furiously training, training to fight. Uther quietly closed the door with a smirk, he could already see Morgan’s face getting punched by a cute gold sprinkled mage.

  28. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    What Fruit Does Light and Darkness Bear?
    by Lunabear (Private Repost)

    Lady Lunaria rests her back against a pillar constructed of a spiraled quasar, tiny comets, and several frozen meteorites. She sits, floating on a balcony railing of periwinkle and onyx stars. Her dress of shimmering, royal blue lace bows to the light wind. With her luminescent face upturned towards the vast, multicolored cosmos, she wears an expression of forlornness.

    “What troubles you, Radiance?” The crackling voice resounds from nearby.

    “War, dearest Deviance. Besides yourself and Wolfwind, none except two other comrades have responded to my messengers. It worries me.”

    The form of a man steps from within her shadow. “And this, you fear, implies…”

    She sighs, her incandescent eyelashes kissing her pale cheeks for a moment. “Sufficient aid will not reach us in time. Less than seven nights remain, I believe.” Her featureless, fearful gaze seeks out Deviance. “The enemy–”

    His tenor, filled with husky determination and promise, cloaks her. “Will not enter the borders of the Moonlight Realm, Luminescence. You have my word.”

    She embraces his proffered comfort. “And Wolfwind’s, no doubt.”

    A slight, dark chill caresses her arm, lifting the fine hairs. Almost a physical touch but not quite.

    Lady Lunaria’s regard takes in Deviance’s inky figure beside her. The Shroud resembles a silhouette, except for holes indicating eyes and a smile. His coldness holds familiar peace.

    “May I offer a dance to soothe your anxiousness?” He reaches towards the shadow of her hand, bowing in wait.

    “I did not anticipate this.” Hesitancy stills her. A falling meteor careens through her chest. Indecision knits her brow.

    Deviance retains his position.

    “Perhaps a small interlude shall improve my tactical thinking,” Lady Lunaria relents, rising with graceful fluidity. She curtsies, the outline of her hand resting in his.

    Glass and metallic chimes make music from afar, urging the duo’s steps. Phantom touches glide along her shoulders and the small of her back. Shiver after shiver rolls down her spine.

    “Always, the dark clings to the light
    The moon seeks out the night,” Deviance croons, ending the dance. He bows once more, then disappears.

    Perplexity, alongside warmth, blossoms within her center.

    1. I’m always up for a good ethereal atmosphere in stories, so I really liked this one. The descriptions really made this feel like a cosmic experience, compounded only by the names, which remind me of deities. I like to imagine this as a culture’s myth, which makes this a lot more interesting to me. There is a lot of lore in here.

      I really like the interaction between Lady Lunaria and Deviance. It’s a really beautiful image and the ending seems bittersweet, when Deviance vanishes. The last lines also read like a metaphor to me. I think it’s implying that Lunaria is the moon (or moon light) and Deviance is the darkness of the night.

      Great story!

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so very much for your review! This is definitely lore and mythos, but I’m not sure what culture I’m drawing inspiration from. It might be an unintentional amalgamation. I didn’t see them as deities, but more like the concepts of different celestial bodies or elements or emotions. But that is a great interpretation. I love that.

        I’m very glad you like their interaction. I wanted to take the time to explore their relationship a little bit more. They are companions, but there might be something deeper between them.

        Yes, actually! She is the Moon, and he is the darkness. He’s a Shroud from The Nightshade Realm. I’m so glad you got that. I’m also really happy you enjoyed the story.

    2. Shinigamma Avatar
      Shinigamma

      Okay, if nothing else, the opening description was amazing! I was hooked from the first paragraph – I could write an essay on how much I love the outrageous imagery of a ‘spiraled quasar’ alone.

      But it’s not just your gorgeous descriptions setting up the epic celestial atmosphere. The interplay between Lady Lunaria and Deviance is very fun to read, and their dance towards the end sweeps the reader along.

      And as Alex pointed out, there’s that wonderful metaphor weaving its way throughout the whole story. You hint at it with Deviance’s last words.

      I thoroughly enjoyed that, thank you for such a great story!

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so very much for your review! I honestly thought I had overdone it on the descriptions, and I was afraid I wouldn’t get my point across. Also, I love descriptive writing, and it guts me every time when I don’t get to write descriptions for these prompts, but no one escapes the word limit unscathed. But I’m glad you enjoy it.

        I enjoy their interplay, too. This is a relatively new universe, as I’m only written one full piece about it before this one, and I really like the relationship between a Lady Lunaria, Deviance, and Wolfwind. I definitely want to keep exploring the interpersonal dynamics, as well, such as the one between Lady Lunaria and Wolfwind and the one between Wolfwind and Deviance. I just hope we can get some good prompts so that I can display that.

        Again, your feedback is much appreciated.

    3. This piece is surreal and confusing and I love it like that. Gods or other supernatural entities? Anthropomorphic personifications, titles, or real names? Is Perplexity going to be another character [hwo can tell if goddess perganonate? 😉 ] or is it just her emotions?

      Who knows? Not this nerd.

      It’s beautifully poetic and the imagery is delicious. ::chef’s kiss::

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        I adore your reviews so much. I am cry laughing! 😂 Please stay just as you are.

        There is so much lure that I genuinely haven’t tackled for this. The answer to your questions is all of them. I’m still working out the fine details, but Lady Lunaria is the queen of the Moonlight Realm. Some may even see her as the moon personified. She has control over things night, but she’s also light so, in that sense, she does borrow from the Sunlight Realm a little bit.

        Deviance is a Shroud, a type of dark creature from The Nightshade Realm. There are other kinds of darkness, such as Cloaks and Shadowmakers, but Deviance is somewhere in the middle. He can move easily through shadow and darkness.

        I love that you guys think perplexity is a character. Lady Lunaria is perplexed and confused by how she’s feeling after her dance with Deviance.

        Thank you so very much for your review. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I hope to expand more on this world in the future.

    4. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      This is beautifully written Felicia. The prose is incredibly poetic and the language, almost archaic at times, does help to create that ethereal atmosphere. The dance itself is described elegantly and you don’t overdo it, but you add just enough of that anticipation and sexual chemistry to create enough intrigue. This could well be all metaphorical and this is a high school prom, or an office Christmas party, in which a dance changes your perception of someone. And even if it isn’t purposefully allegorical, the imagery of that very human relationship with these “beings” of unknown origin create a fascinating juxtaposition. So it’s all good stuff.

      Having said that, I do have a couple of nitpicks. Nitpicking your work is actually very easy, because so much of it is so good that the few things that don’t quite work really stand out. The first being “forlornness”, which is just a little clumsy. It is a word but it lacks the elegance and formality of the rest of your prose. Stylistically, for me, it doesn’t fit. Also the verb “croons”, which has connotations of pathetic imitation lounge singers (it makes me think of awkward, cringey desperation), so it doesn’t have the impact I think you were going for (at least for me). This is quite intimate and so if you were to substitute it for “whispers” or “purrs” or even simply just “sings” I think it has more effect.

      So 2 words! It did take me a couple of reads to really follow it, but for me that’s not a criticism. You’ve only 350 words so make the reader do a bit of work. Your writing has a bit of hypnotic quality to it, so sometimes it’s easy to lose yourself in the beauty of it. The more I read it, the better it gets. “Phantom touches glide along her shoulders and the small of her back.” – WHAT A F#@%ING LINE THAT IS! Fantastic job! Loved it!

  29. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    Wisps Which We Wish We Wander With
    by Lee Strangely

    Beloc could never sleep without being able to see the forest in front of him. His heart wouldn’t let him. Not without seeing them just once. Every night he watched as, one by one, they all entered the world. He waited for each to appear.

    The thin blue flames of the wisps sparked and sputtered to life. Their lights wandering the forest’s darkest shadows. Some lured, a few would guide, and others would go seemingly nowhere anyone could follow.

    He perked up, though, when the last one came. The sight was a hook to his heartstrings, pulling HARD. His shimmering wings sprouted as he put on his hat, and leapt!

    The flight of a fairy is rivaled only by a pure lightning bolt. Few can perceive one in its entire grandeur. Not even a sliver of a second had to pass.

    Window-grass-air-tree-air-tree-tree-tree-tree-STOP.

    The wisp could do nothing as it was caught in his arms. The two spun around as Beloc slowed himself down.

    “I’m sorry,” he smiled, “I couldn’t resist.”

    Things went quiet.

    Beloc responded, “I know, I know… You don’t like it when I do this, but I want to see you again.”

    After more silence, he continued, “Yes I do see your flame every night…” He then pulled them into a clearing, “but I don’t see you!”

    As they twirled into the moonlight, there now were two. Wisps aren’t usually corporeal… except in full moonlight. Never used to being seen, the wisp tried covering their face.

    Beloc gently brushed their hands away, “Don’t be like that, you look wonderful.”

    “You wouldn’t want this,” the wisp spoke, “You’ll seldom see me as anything other than a light in the distance.”

    “And I’d still give my wings to keep seeing it.”

    “You shouldn’t bet something so important so frivolously,” they faltered, turning away.

    He followed, “but you’re not the one betting it…”

    They smiled as Beloc held their hands.

    To his surprise, the wisp leaned close and kissed him. However, by then, the clouds finally retook the moon. The wisp faded away, their light drifting off back into the dark.

    1. Shinigamma Avatar
      Shinigamma

      That was beautiful, and very bittersweet. I love how you describe the movements of the fairy and the wisp together, as they dance under the moonlight.

      The dialogue between the two is also very good, natural and emotional. Most of all, I love how you can convey so much about your world with only a few hundred words – about fairy speed and wisp fickleness.

      Really well done!

    2. Boople Avatar
      Boople

      I love this GRAAAHH!!
      this is so enchanting, you made a lovely little romance that has me hooked. It was such a smooth read, I didn’t falter over kinda wonky deliveries or dialogue it was all so well done. the only thing at all is the fairy feels a little pushy, like he is a lot more invested in a relationship then the wisp, ALMOST bordering one-sided or unrequited, which may be the intent i don’t know.

      Either way in the end you have done phenomenal work here today and I can’t wait to get back to reading more!

  30. Transformation (Darkspell Universe)
    By Alex Nightingale (aka Spectre)

    Wagner Sand stood on the top of the grassy hill, letting the cold moonlight freshen up his tanned skin. He liked the outdoors and he liked hiking during the day, but she sun had nothing on the soothing, calming light of the full moon. His blood red eyes were fixed on the silver disk above him, the stars of the night sky accompanying it in a swarm of stationary fireflies.

    “Thought I might find you here,” Valerie said from behind.

    Wagner turned and smiled as she approached. She sat down next to him and planted a kiss on his lips.

    “What brings you all the way out here at night?” he asked. “Shouldn’t you be guarding the city?”

    “The world can last for one night without the Nightguard. Besides, I spend most of my nights wandering dreams, nowadays.”

    “Night terrors still active?” Wagner looked concerned.

    “Let’s not talk about that,” Valerie waved her hand. “How about you? Soaking in some moonlight?”

    “Waiting. I’m waiting for my moon.”

    He turned his attention back up to the silver disk up ahead, a light tinge of orange visible on the moon.

    “I’ve heard that shucks can actually change the light of the moon,” Valerie whispered. “Is that true? Can you make it change colour?”

    “I’m not that good, I’m afraid,” Wagner said, chuckling. “I’m just waiting for my time.”

    He gave her a look. Valerie understood instantly and got up.

    “Sometime, I want to see this,” she said, turning to the treeline.

    “Sometime, you will. Just not tonight.”

    “I respect that. Stay safe, Wagner.”

    He waited for her to leave, before getting up. The moon had darkened into a blood red, the same colour as his eyes. As the world turned crimson, dark mist unfurled from him, spilling over the ground. To him, it felt like a flower, uncoiling its petals in the spring, showing the sweet nectar it really held inside.

    Wagner gave one, loud howl, as he rose above the ground. Black mist trailed behind, as the shuck charged down the hill and into the forest.

    1. Reidrev Avatar
      Reidrev

      I like that it’s very evocative, especially the first paragraph that sounds very much like poesy (I love the “swarm of stationary fireflies” to refer to the stars)
      I also find that the characters have good chemistry you can see they are close but what they’re facing is a bit too heavy and painful to share.

      And well, i don’t know if Shucks and werewolves are different but i kinda imagine his skin splittering to uncover a furry mass. Gruesome but evocative !

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Describing stars as stationary fireflies is such a beautiful way of doing it, Alex! It’s such a vivid image.

      “Thought I might find you here,” Valerie said from behind. (I just wanted to point out that this line of dialogue made me think of Azula going to comfort Zuko in the beach episode in season 3 of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Thank you so much for this.)

      I’ve never heard of a shuck before now. At least, not as describing a creature. But I like how soft this story is, and I wasn’t expecting to see Valerie! I do believe I will call you briefly mentioning Wagner. I’m not very familiar with him, unfortunately. But I like his character. He has, at least for me, an air of Humphrey Bogart about him. He’s very quiet and stoic and contemplative. Him being so focused on the blood red moon seems a bit like an obsession, but not to an unhealthy degree. I really enjoy that aspect of his character.

      I really do enjoy the story, and I hope Valerie gets to see him in his other form once he has control of it, which is, I assume, the reason why he wouldn’t let her stay this time.

      Critique:

      He liked the outdoors and he liked hiking during the day, but (t)he sun had nothing on the soothing, calming light of the full moon.

      This is a really good story, and I had a lot of fun reading it. It has a throwback vibe to mystery theater. It’s also grounded despite the supernaturalism. I would love to read more about Wagner, as well as his relationship with Valerie. They’re very sweet together. I can’t wait to see what your post next. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this one.

  31. Just as The Black Widow Bites, I Feel The Thunder in Heaven Tonight
    By Marx

    Daisy sighed up at the night sky. “I’ll be leaving soon. To kill Alex…”

    Rhea’s lips curled into a frown. “Alex needs to die. I get that. I do. I just…”

    “You didn’t know me before.” Daisy’s gaze turned to her fingers as wisps of magic danced along her pale skin. “I was… a trash human. Then I provoked Alex. He took joy in breaking me. In ripping me apart.”

    As Daisy spoke, the wisps seeped into the soil, causing a large crack to appear. “He tore at me, piece by piece until there was nothing left. He-”

    “Daisy, it’s okay.” In a practiced motion, Rhea held Daisy close, gently petting her hair. “You don’t have to think of-”

    “But I do.” Daisy interrupted, gently breaking the embrace and turning her attention back to the crack. “Because after Alex was done breaking me, he threw me away. Then Will saved me. He showed me kindness. He showed me love. And then we met you and I received more of both.”

    Rhea smiled, her gaze only turning away from Daisy when she noticed a glowing flower bud rising from the crack in the soil, blooming into a beautiful rose.

    Daisy continued, “I was able to grow. Become a better person. You and Will picked me up when I fell apart. But… it didn’t help when Alex came back for me. It… weakened me. And only when I embraced the old me again could I protect you.”

    “Daisy…?” Rhea murmured as she saw the rose darken and the thorns taking over.

    “Love isn’t going to help me kill him. Neither is fear. I hate him. I hate what he did to me. I hate what he made me into. And if I don’t kill that asshole, I’ll sure as hell die trying.”

    Rhea was forced to back away entirely as Daisy burst into a blinding glow, the forces of her magic whipping the air into a frenzy around them.

    The beauty of the rose was visible for just a moment longer before it was buried under countless vines of razor sharp thorns.

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      I really enjoyed the raw emotion of this piece. I like how, rather than even consider forgiveness or compassion, all she can see is anger and what he did to her. A part of her past that she refuses to let go.

      It’s rather relatable to a lot of people I know, in that regard.

      I also enjoy your flower, which doesn’t get the chance it needs to bloom, as if the flower could with forgiveness, but the ire chokes it out. It reminds me of the parable of the sower.

      Nicely done!

      1. What’s funny about that is there is a longer version of this story where Daisy points out that she tried forgiveness and compassion with someone who couldn’t be reasoned with and that bit her in the ass, so she wasn’t going to make that mistake again.

        Really happy that it came across so realistic, emotionally speaking. There are some people who probably aren’t worthy of the empathy and Alex is definitely in that category lol.

        Thank you for the review!

  32. Fog Wall Avatar
    Fog Wall

    A Garden Above(Elderwood)
    ~Foggy Wall

    The shed was small but fit everything he needed to keep the garden maintained. James stepped out, turned with the door and locked it closed. While it was a public rooftop, no one in the apartments ever came up here.

    The sun had set and our twin moons were large on the horizon. The latest additions to my garden were some beautiful lilacs. It’s said that they only bloom by moonlight, though that won’t be tonight.

    “Hey, Honey. I thought I’d find you up here. How’s the job hunt?”

    James turned to find his mother sitting on the bench, her chin resting on her arms, folded on the backrest. She smiled at him, with her head laid sideways.

    “Uh… About that, I think I found a job. The woman who offe-”

    She cut him off with an “Oh!” As she sprung over the bench with one hand on it. Landing quietly, she strolled toward him. “There’s a girl? How long? Who is she? Is she pretty?”

    A smirk crossed her features as he turned darker shades of red. When his mother got to standing directly in front of him, he looked away.

    She moved to make eye contact. “Well, whoever she is, she’s got you stumbling. Doesn’t she?”

    “It’s not like that.” James said, stepping around her and heading for the bench. She followed along humming whimsically. “Y’know, mom. This job will require me to move again.”

    His mother took the seat beside him and her smile faultered. “What sort of work will it be?”

    Just then, the sound of an engine came up from the building edge. It was only a moments notice prior to Koelle coming into view on her anti-grav motorbike. She was dressed in a dress with black skin-tight pants, no footwear and a black helmet which hid her face.

    She slowly hovered around the bench and landed in the open space behind them. James’ eyes snapped onto his mothers’ gaze, which radiated a certain ‘Gotcha’ vibe.

    “So. That’s her, huh?”

    “She’s like a sister, Mom.”

    1. Reidrev Avatar
      Reidrev

      I like the tranquil universe you set up here and the melancoly of it is pretty great^^
      However i struggle to understand the whole paragraph in first person, it’s very jarring.
      But other than that everything is pretty cute the mom who goes a bit crazy as soon as her son mention’s a girl is very relatable you nailed that part ^^

    2. Boople Avatar
      Boople

      There is a lot I love about this, though to me It feels like I’m missing an exorbitant amount of context, a feeling heightened by the sudden appearance of an anti-grav motor bike. I imagined a more concrete jungle type vibe with the public garden being a little and isolated splotch of green in the scene, but now given the introduction of hover bike I do not know what this world looks like, but really that’s an aside. I love the vibe of the mother in this story, she seems really bubbly and a joy to write. and of course I leave this micro story with questions, though I almost feel too many. what’s here is all good, I just keep imagining it wanting more.

      all in all well done!

    3. “She’s like a sister.”
      Sure.

      This is a really fun story, but it definitely could have done with another look over before posting, as there are a couple odd parts. The second paragraph suddenly being in first person, for example, and the “she was dressed in a dress” bit.

      I’m curious about the potential job part, especially since it’s with Koelle. This can’t be how they met, because didn’t he get swept up into her group while working at a bar?

      And for some reason I thought you said Koelle was a Faune or something like that, and that she had hooves? If I hallucinate you saying that, fine, wouldn’t be the first time, lol. But if I didn’t, seems odd to mention a lack of footwear but also not mention hooves.

      This is a fun universe, even if I’m still trying to get a feel for it, and I’m loving these James and Koelle stories.

      Oh, as good as the scene is, the whole peaceful rooftop scene, with a caring, enthusiastic, and romantic mother, and the sudden disruption of the moment, much like his life, by Koelle in spectacular fashion (both meanings of the word), the flowers that bloom in moonlight could have played a bigger part.

  33. A Lesson Under Moonlight [KoshDelia Ever After]
    C. M. Weller

    The Master of Dark Den Dojo used to be the Thrice-Sworn King before the Blood Throne chose another leader. Now he was content to make cheese, garden, and teach anyone willing to learn. Master Kosh walked with a cane, his indigo curls streaked with grey that was more a pale, pale blue. Yet everyone who came to him KNEW that he could kick anyone’s ass if he so chose.

    Ami was weight training by bringing the Hellkin Master heavy pails of good soil for repotting some of his more peculiar plants. The flowers were otherwise ordinary, smelling as sweet as the rest, but they were a dull and strange shade of grey.

    Questions were welcome in the sunny terraces or bright rooms of the Dojo. The answers may not always make sense.

    “Master, why do you grow grey flowers?”

    “They’re not always grey,” blue fingers pressed handfuls of rich soil into the new vessel, careful to support the otherwise normal plant. “The moons shall be full tonight. Will you come to water them then?”

    This had to be another one of the Master’s sideways lessons. “I don’t see well in the dark.”

    “I will be here to fix that.”

    Strong though the moonlight was that evening, Ami could only see dark shadows against darker backgrounds. It took her some time to pick her way, cobblestone by cool and smooth cobblestone, to the Master’s weird garden. He, too, looked like a shadow, but one with glowing golden eyes.

    He put his finger to her brow and murmured a word.

    The whole world was now in thousands of shades of grey, except the very flowers she had helped Master Kosh plant that day.

    They were GLORIOUS. Not just the colours of daylight, but colours never seen outside of the labyrinths of the Underdark. There were colours she couldn’t even name. So bright and beautiful that tears came to her face.

    “Deepblossoms,” he said. “Hellkin flowers. They look their best only through darksight.”

    He could have just SAID, “Other people see the world differently, so don’t doubt their experiences.”

    1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      So creepy but so cool. The colors of the flowers starting grey and then becoming lovely works. Also, the ending line works super well. But sometimes it’s better to see tham be told? Up to you.

      1. Show don’t tell is a rule to live by lol

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      A lovely lesson, indeed, Inter! Not only do the flowers and Ami’s sight bloom beneath the moon, but so do her experiences. Experience really is the best teacher, second to Kosh in this situation. I imagine the flowers just about every color you can think of and more, which makes them impossible to see without Darksight and without experience. I hope Ami studies well!

      Seeing him older and away from the throne and simply enjoying his life is so heartwarming and cathartic. The man deserves it!

      You’re another person whose stories I need to catch up on. I’ll try to soon. Until then, I can’t wait to see what you post next. Thank you for writing and sharing this.

      1. No rush. They’re always there.

    3. Ben Vaul Avatar
      Ben Vaul

      I loved reading through this. I was immediately fascinated and drawn into the world by the first paragraph, hardened man living a simple yet fulfilling life. The lesson of the last couple paragraphs is so beautifully presented, it really made me sit for a second and look around at the world.

      1. I love doing that for people :3

    4. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      This is a lovely concept. Your writing is strong. I particularly liked the paragraph describing Ami’s climb. Sensory description is so important, and I think that serves you and character very well. It’s what helps us as readers empathise with the character. Master Kosh as this Mr Miyagi (or Lu Tze for Discworld fans) type figure works really well. There’s strength but benevolence there, and that really comes across.

      I do have a couple of nitpicks. I’ve got to admit I’m not a huge fan of the capitalisation, but I’m fairly sure you would use italics if the website gave you option (it did briefly once upon a time, so I don’t know why they stopped that). The other thing is that the ass-kicking line and the final line tonally clash with the rest of the piece. Humour and informality can work wonders in your narration, it really can, but it needs to be consistent. Both of those lines feel like a different voice, a different writer even. Also that final line feels a bit ‘the moral of the story is…’ and to me as a reader it felt a bit condescending. Don’t tell me. I want you to show me, trust the reader to make that inference on their own. Think of jokes…they’re not funny if you have to explain them. It’s the process of figuring them out which creates the humour. We only need the subtext. These are nitpicks on what I think is a really well written piece, and heart-warming interpretation of the prompt. I think you did a great job!

      “TBH that sounds like a rule you should be breaking. How can you know what stories are gaining an audience if you don’t stretch them?”

      I’m just going to respond to this here as I’ve got rid of those duplicate posts. For me the challenge is coming up with something new every week, new characters, new worlds, experimenting with tone and format. In the past I have written about the holocaust, I’ve written about dementia, I have written about grief and PTSD, but I’ve also written a sketch about 2 cats trying to ambush the family dog and story about a gay dragon called Jeremy. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t. But I never would have written about any of that without pushing myself outside my comfort zone. I write for me. I’m not trying to cultivate an audience. I do understand others are experimenting with their worlds and characters and if that’s what they want to use the prompts for then fair enough. To rip-off Terry Pratchett’s comments on Fantasy – Micro-fiction is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can. That’s how I see it; as training for the real stuff.

      1. I sense we’re going to have an interesting disagreement about writing styles. I’ll try to address my rationalisations in order.

        1. Capitalisation. Allow me to introduce you to the “Dwarf Problem”. How does one, in fantasy fiction, distinguish a regular human with dwarfism from the dwarf as a member of the species? Capitalisation was my compromise on that thing.

        2. Ass-kicking: While I agree that “defeat any foe” would have been a more elegant way of putting it, but Ami is not necessarily an elegant person. The rest of the prose is relatively plain, and I thought the ass bit fit with Ami’s POV. Same with the annoyance she expressed with Master Kosh’s sideways lesson.

        3. The Moral: You were clever enough to get it. You would be surprised how many other readers would not.

        4. Breaking your own rules: While you’re using this thing to explore creative possibilities, I’m using it to build my world. I see we’re approaching from different vectors. Proceed as you will, but you should not feel ashamed if you want to embellish a tool in your metaphorical chest.

    5. This is a fun an interesting story.

      I don’t know if this new character, Ami, will reappear or not. One of many students at his dojo, I could see it going either way. But she seems like a good one.

      The flowers were well described, as was the garden, and the late night journey there.

      I was surprised by the dark vision bit. I was expecting them to react to moonlight somehow, or just seem a different color under the light. But having it be related to dark vision just makes me wonder if they look like that to Kosh all the time.

      1. They look like that only at night, when the darksight kicks in 😀

  34. Tamela Redfin Avatar
    Tamela Redfin

    Warm and Fuzzy (Glenora)

    By Tamela Redfin

    Nora looked at the rippling water. She wondered what was in it.

    “Those ripples are way too big to be a fish.” She thought. She was not prepared for it. She saw a tall, lean muscled teenager with orange glowing eyes. In spite of herself, she screamed.

    “It’s okay. Please, relax.” The night calmed down, just like her heart.

    Nora watched him run a hand through his wet hair.

    “Who are you?” she asked.

    “My name is Glenn. Are you Elenora?”

    She nodded. “I go by Nora though. What are you doing here, Glenn?”

    “I escaped.” His eyes faded to a dull grey color. “Augen can’t contain me forever.”

    She hugged the sodden teen, feeling something odd in her heart. “Do you need a place to stay?”
    “I do, but it’s best… wait a minute. Are you feeling ok?”

    Nora nodded.

    “You’re immune. I’m so poisonous, it’s like I’m radioactive.” He smiled. “You’re immune.”

    Nora heard her mother call for her. “Nora, where are you? It’s getting late.”
    Glenn released her. “I should let you go.”

    Nora gasped and grabbed his hand, feeling her heart race. “Please, stay with me. I can help you.”
    “I suppose I don’t have another choice.” Glenn replied.

    She dragged him home, still feeling funny inside. Not a sick funny, but a funny, funny.

    At last, Nora was home. “Mom, I found Glenn. He’s the boy who saved me from the camera.”

    “You may go in.” Helen gagged a bit. She then looked at Nora. “Are you okay, Nora?”
    “He makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Him being handsome doesn’t help.”

    1. Wait. So they knew each other, but Glenn still had to introduce his weird power? I’m not sure of where this is in your timeline, alas. You keep telling us what’s going on instead of showing us. I understand the need to pack the most story into the least words but… flavour and character would be nice.

      Story-wise, I do hope that Glenn and Nora find a cure for his condition. Otherwise they’ll be very lonely for everyone else’s protection.

      1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
        Tamela Redfin

        I do have a reason. They only met through a computer. So I don’t think the poison could have leaked through. Also exposition for new readers.

        Thanks for the read.

    2. I am very confused by this one.

      It’s a very interesting story development, but I’m not sure why Glen was in the water, or even where the water was. It reads like it’s in Nora’s backyard, but even if it is, is it like, a lake? Or a river? Is this Glenn escaping? He swam out somehow?

      Why was Nora’ so insistent on him staying with her? Because he’s hot? And why did he agree, not knowing if he’d make her family sick as well?

      And this whole time I’ve been under the assumption that Glenn IS radioactive, or at least that he can emit radiation. But here it just says “it’s like I’m radioactive”, so he’s not?

      Did Glenn come here on purpose, looking for Nora, or was it just a coincidence? Is Augen’s lab under the house?

      Honestly, you have a great idea here, but I think it could have been a lot better if it was just a longer conversation while Glenn is still in the water, intentionally keeping his distance, and maybe because he knows water shields radiation.

      1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
        Tamela Redfin

        I see you had many questions, so I’ll try to answer them.

        I read it is her house and there is a river. Glenn has been doing whatever he cane to escape and yes, swimming was included.

        I think, yes, because she was attracted, but also so he can get help. She knows Iris and Otto. I should have made him more reluctant to go with her.

        Technically, he is NOT radioactive. He just emits poison.

        I think he might have been looking for Nora. Slightly unclear, will workshop. Augen’s lab is in the Golden House, Adler, the capital of Western Rolt.

        I will extend this piece to better explain some cut ideas. Either way, thanks for the read.

Leave a Reply to Strong Berry Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *