Writing Group: The Power of a Name

May I have your name Summoners, Con artists, and Pastors?

What? I’m not going to steal it or anything! Why would you ever think that! No, no, I just want your name—I mean, I want you to TELL me your name—because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

The Power of a Name

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

This is a very rich prompt, full of opportunities for strange magic, and very real messages. 

The first angle my brain goes to is the fae. Perhaps you want to tell a story of someone encountering a fae, and facing the consequences of their name being stolen. Or maybe you want to write about someone cunningly avoiding this fate—not lying (mustn’t lie to a fey) but not telling the truth either. 

Maybe you have another sort of magical creature in your universe with the ability to deal in names. Maybe your character walks up to the name dealer in the market to see their coat full of names—and you don’t want to ask where they got them. Maybe a fortune teller can read your destiny in your name—or perhaps even shape it by reshaping your name. Maybe when a witch calls you by a certain name, that name becomes a spell—it becomes you. 

But magic isn’t the only way a name might have power. In the live action Cinderella, “Ella” is her real name, but her stepmother and stepsisters call her “Cinderella” as a degrading name. One of my favorite lines from the movie is: “Names have power, like magic spells. And of a sudden it seemed to her that her stepmother and stepsisters had indeed transformed her into merely a creature of ash and toil.” There’s no true magic involved in this scene, but the name has power over her still. The name grants extra power to the abuse she suffers; her identity has been stripped away; she is no longer the noble Ella her parents cared for. She has become a thing of cinders. Perhaps you want to write about this sort of thing. What happens when a parent, stepparent, sibling, uncle, etc—someone who is meant to love you—gives you a name like this? What happens when they pretend you are family, but call you by a name that is anything but? What happens when the true name your parent or guardian gives you is something cruel? 

Bullies are one of the most common people groups that use cruel nicknames. In Before I Fall, the cruel nickname that Lindsey gives to Juliet starts off a chain reaction that continues through the years, eventually leaving Juliet suicidal. There were many other cruel things Lindsey (and others) did to Juliet, but it was that name that started everything, and that name that Juliet always returns to in her mind. This is a very real struggle that lots of people, especially those in high school, might face today. Bullies are quick to give out mocking names, but what are the consequences of that? Does the name have more power than the insults, spitballs and wedgies? I think it usually does. Do you want to tell the perspective of someone hurt by a nickname? Or of the bully who doesn’t really know what they’re doing?

You could play with titles vs names. Someone might be “King” but that’s a title, not a name. Maybe someone in a position of power feels like nobody knows who they really are—no one really calls them by their name. Or perhaps the opposite—maybe someone only wants to be known for their title, either because they want the power of it…or maybe they just don’t like their name. It makes me think of Dumbledore and Harry specifically calling Voldemort “Tom Riddle.” They use his name to disarm him, to refuse to give him the power the title grants him. 

Especially when it comes to kings, names can be inherited. Does your character feel pressure in having the same name as their parent, or ancestor? Do they wish they had a different name? Or are they proud to share the name? Or maybe they are named after a particular historical figure—what power does this connection have over their life?

Surnames are always inherited, and perfectly worthy of this prompt. Perhaps you want to write about a family name, the responsibility or reputation that comes with it. Or perhaps the pride and familiarity that comes with it. 

Sometimes a vicious-looking beast is given a silly name, such as Adam naming his hellhound “Dog,” or Hagrid naming his three-headed dog “Fluffy.” Perhaps you want to write about this phenomenon. Does this silly name have some power over the creature to make it more docile? There’s also the opposite, like a teacup poodle being called “Bruiser.” Can a name grant strength, or ferocity, to an otherwise docile creature?

A name also reflects upon the person giving the name. To Hagrid, monsters are indeed sweet, misunderstood creatures. He gave Fluffy that name because that’s exactly how he saw Fluffy…as a fluffy dog. Perhaps, instead of writing about the person with the name, you want to write about the person doing the naming. Maybe your character recognizes that names have power, and doesn’t want to mess up naming their child, or pet, or favorite stapler. 

There’s also a scientific aspect to naming as well. Perhaps you want to write about a scientist who discovered a new species trying to decide on a name. Things in science often are named after the person who discovered it. Does this person get a big head? Or dislike being a namesake? I was reading about Dyson Spheres recently, and apparently Dyson did not like that they were named after him. Maybe you want to write about this. You could even write a funny story about a difficult to pronounce name, especially in a scientific environment. 

There’s also a common principle “Don’t name it. If you name it you’ll get attached.” You could easily write about this angle. Maybe you want to write about a child forming a friendship with a stray animal, and indeed getting attached when they name it. Or even about a grumpy person who thinks they don’t want kids getting attached to an orphan they met. 

Even inanimate objects can be named. Often when we name inanimate objects we anthropomorphize them and give them personality, simply because we gave them a name. This could be a very fun and cute thing to write about. Does an inanimate object come alive, simply because it was given a name? 

In the movie “The Man Who Invented Christmas” the characters come to life in Charles Dickens’ mind only when he finds a name for them. He can have ideas, tropes, plotlines, but they only appear as a person when they have a name. In this way, you could go very meta with this prompt—what’s your experience as a writer naming your characters? 

My challenge for this week is to use the word, or the idea of, “Fireworks” somewhere in the story. This is inspired by it being the week of Fourth of July for Americans. But not all of you (perhaps even most of you) aren’t from America, so I didn’t want to use the holiday as a prompt. Fireworks are a key, fun, summery aspect of the holiday that I think would be fun to work into our stories this week. You could write your story about fireworks, or simply mention them briefly. Whatever you want! 

In case that’s too mired in the holiday, my other challenge for you is not to use the words “name” and/or “power” anywhere in your story. (You can pick one or do both). Yes, you heard me: write about the power of a name…all the while, not actually using the words “name” and/or “power” anywhere. Play around with subtlety. Make sure the prompt is still clear, of course—that’s very important. But don’t directly use the prompt—don’t even directly mention the pieces of the prompt! 

Remember, these challenges aren’t mandatory! They are meant to be a fun bonus if you’d like to have a little extra challenge. But, if you don’t want to use them, please don’t feel obligated to!

Ah, I see. So that’s your name. Let me just add it to my collection—I mean memory!

—Kaylie

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Comments

137 responses to “Writing Group: The Power of a Name”

  1. Anton Kragh Paaskesen Avatar
    Anton Kragh Paaskesen

    Awakening

    There was nothing around them. Even to say, that they were would be charitable. They were a specter. a ghost of perception of sentience. They didn’t see. They didn’t hear. They barely even thought. All that existed for them, was the network of roots that spread throughout the earth, in a vast tangle. The tangle that provided them with the nutrients for… what?

    What was their purpose? No fruit grew from their branches. Only the leaves that gently in the occasional summer breeze. No creature would nest in their hollow either. So what did they do? When asking themselves these questions, something stirred in them. Something indecipherable, buried far down that longed to be free. But the feeling would inevitably dissipate with the conclusion of their query. a conclusion which was… nothing? They couldn’t conceive of an answer. All they could do was… be. For all eternity be.

    “Hello”.

    Something stirred at the far edge of consciousness. A sensation. A sound. Was it a voice? Was someone calling out to them?

    “Who is that?” they called out “Who are you?”. Talking. Forming words. Such a strange sensation. They produced no words unlike the voice but conceived of them. Formed them within themselves.

    “Emilia,” said the voice “my name is Emilia. What is your name, Tree?”.

    What a peculiar word. Tree. Was that them? Was this Emilia-voice referring to them? Again the feeling stirred. It seemed to hang on to that word for dear life, as it clawed its way up.

    “A name? I don’t have a name. I am just… this”

    “For now yes” the voice turned sweet and reassuring “but do you want to be more tree? For you can”. Dots of warmth caressed their bark. The silhouette of a person manifested for them. “You can be more tree. But only if you believe you are”.

    “But how?” This Emilia was not making sense. How could they be anything more than they were? they’ve only just now found out, what they were.

    “You could walk the earth as a nymph, tree. Feel the breeze on your skin instead of rustling leaves. See the sunlight, and smell the flowers. Life stirs within you, tree. But you have to name it before it’s real”

    A word. A single word appeared before them. This was the name, of the feeling. Stirring within them, it took form before the tree.

    “Florina”

    It came all at once. The gentle sound of rustling tree crowns. The cool brush of wind on her bare skin. She stared up and took in everything. From the soft mulch between her toes to the blades of light that pierced the crowns of tall trees. And the tall, dark-haired form that looked at her with a soft expression. “What is your name, nymph?”

    And this time she finally knew the answer.

    “Florina”

  2. Koryan Avatar
    Koryan

    A New Life
    By Koryan

    The couple stood underneath the gate marking the entrance of the forest.

    On the tree sump the couple guided each other’s hands as they carved characters into the wooden slate. Once the slate had been engraved the couple held it up together for the gathering to see.

    The couple proceeded to their house the two had cultivated together since their engagement. Once everyone had gathered around the couple, once everyone had settled the couple placed the wooden slate and nailed it to their fence.

    “Here begins the newly wed couple of Aiyang and Yasuyang.” The couple solemnly stated signaling the end of the ceremony and the beginning of their new life.

    The people cheered as the couple entered the crowd.

    “Aiyang, Yasuyang, it suits you well.”

    “Thank you mother,” Aiyang blushed while holding her mothers hands.

    “Yes, thank you Reimin.” Yasuyang offered his thanks to his mother in law.

    Once the village made their way to the village center the village head lifted the first lantern of the season into the air gaining everyone’s attention.

    “Although it is our second gift right after the gift of life, it may not always represent who we are. Everything around us shapes us and sometimes how we are called can help define us or it may not suit us, similar to how a pair of shoes may not fit all who wear it. We have the due diligence upon ourselves to choose a name that suits us and respect those who choose to choose a new life. May you have many years of love and light, Aiyang and Yasuyang.”

    1. Anton Kragh Paaskesen Avatar
      Anton Kragh Paaskesen

      A lovely message at the end. I find names to be fascinating, as while they seem reductive, the right one can help us find meaning in life. I think you demonstrated that very well, with the story of a married couple. Well done

  3. PartlyPolo Avatar
    PartlyPolo

    Long live the queen
    By PartlyPolo

    “The tea, Your Majesty. Today’s selection is New Moon Drop Tea, a special blend of leaves plucked at the new moon. Its soothing aroma should allow you to clear your mind and sleep well”

    The queen raised one eyebrow in response. “Then why, exactly, are you serving it in the morning?”

    “You have a meeting with Duke Arnold today. I pray this tea puts you to sleep and spares you his drivel.”

    Tossing her head back, the queen let out a loud and vibrant laugh. She had complained loudly to Stella after her last meeting with the insufferable Duke.

    “I swear if he starts about his long lineage again, I will simply lose it.” She watched as Stella cracked a small smile, her remarkable lavender eyes sparkling with delight.
    The queen took a long sip from the cup, before setting it down with a frown on her face. Stella immediately looked over, concerned.

    “Why do you keep calling me ‘Your Majesty’. We’ve been over this. As long as we’re in private, there is no need to keep up the formalities. You don’t have to address me by my title.”

    Stella’s face fell as she stood up straighter. “I-I shouldn’t,” she said slowly. “Calling you by your title allows me to remember…” she trailed off.
    “Our positions,” sighed the queen. “But I keep telling you that it’s fine. No one will know, and even if they do, I’ll make sure it won’t matter.” The queen stopped herself from going any further. She was fully aware of how whiny she sounded. She just wished she could have a casual conversation with her friend. The queen watched as Stella turned her head away.

    ___

    On the way back from her appointment, Her Majesty suddenly collapsed to the floor, her vision swimming.

    “I’m sorry, Pyrrha.”

    Pyrrha heard the words she had been waiting to hear for so long echo in her head as she turned to look at Stella. What a shame, Pyrrha thought as her consciousness began to fade. That those beautiful, lavender eyes had become so red and swollen.

  4. himaji Avatar
    himaji

    The tale of Agatha
    – by himaji

    “You know, once upon a time there was this woman. She searched for years until she found something that was truly special, but terrifying. It was all she ever wanted. She was certain. The hand that rose infront of her meant, that her lifelong dream would finally come into reality.

    Excited she made a step forward. Into the dark, into the mist, to the hand. It was cold. Another step, left foot. Now she had both feet in the black mass which emitted from the floor. One more step to it. She felt something pull on her feet, a hand? For just a moment her will faltered, before she was determined again. The entity pulled her to it.

    Slowly another step. Her feet sunk deeper into the mass. Now she was covered in it till her knee. Groaning she pulled her leg out of the liquid and took another step towards the hand. It was now fully erect and it’s fingers pointed to her. The hand reached out for her. If there was any doubt in her mind before it was now cleared, the hand wanted her. After all the years. A tear ran over her cheek.

    Mindless she continued forward, ignoring the pulling feeling, ignoring the strength it cost her for each step, ignoring the pain. She could hear it. It called her. It knew her name. Bewitched the woman took a last step forward and stretched out her hand, barely reaching the tips of the entity. Immediately upon contact she felt it in her stomach. A sensation of sagging and rising at the same time.

    After that she didn’t feel anything for a while but flesh. And then she knew it had been a mistake to call out its name. Like a firework she exploded. Full of power. Power that didn’t belong to her.”

    The old man paused for a second and looked upon the younglings which sat in a circle around him. “Always remember that names have power, never use them unwisely. You don’t want to end up posessed by something you only know the name of.”

  5. HaunterInTheDark Avatar
    HaunterInTheDark

    The Power of a Name
    By HaunterInTheDark

    I never took much stock into the superstition that names held power growing up. After all, they were just words, characters written out on paper, noises shaped by our vocal cords given definition to allow us to feel unique in this world. It just never made sense to me that people put stock in the idea that there was mystical power behind names.

    I was proven oh, so wrong one day.

    One day, outside my college, there was this odd old man wandering in a black robe and carrying a plastic bag. He’d seemed lost, and I decided to help him. I’m not certain if I should’ve, even now.

    Initially, the old man seemed happy for the help as I helped him carry the bag, but as we walked to the direction he said his house was, he got this odd analytical look as he stared at me. I was a bit unnerved, but figured it was just a quirk of his.

    When we arrived at the house, as he walked in, he asked for my name.

    I told him, to which he chuckled and said it was a good name and that “I’ll be sure to give you a good reward”. I didn’t know what he meant until I awoke in my shitty little apartment, with a kind of specter floating above my bed, resting on my ceiling.

    I learned after awakening from passing out from fright that the specter was the ghost of a young woman who spent her time looking for companionship. Apparently the old man knew her, and had used my name to form a connection between us as a reward? It’s been a few years, and we’re now dating, since alongside me being the only person who can see and make contact with her, we actually mesh very well together. It also helped me recover from the existential crisis I had upon realising the supernatural existed, which is what conflicted me on whether I should’ve helped that old man.

    But honestly? Beyond that, I’m happy with this life, with her, and I don’t regret it.

    THE END

  6. Reidrev Avatar
    Reidrev

    Family Pride
    By Reidrev

    « What got you so down? It isn’t every day you get adopted into the royal family, you know? »

    Aléa turned her head it was Morgan extending a glass of apple juice to her and bearing a concerned smile. Aléa rubbed her tears away, took the glass, and went back to contemplating. Morgan sat next to her on the balcony.

    « I didn’t spike it. The juice I mean,» he said awkwardly taking a sip of his wine.

    « I know » Aléa chuckled. « You wouldn’t ruin the ’’happiest day of my life’’. Right? »

    His smile fractured. «I… thought you wanted to play a more active rôle in the kingdom? Isn’t that… perfect ?»

    « It is. It truly is, even so, I wanted to stay Aléa Laurent. That’s all»

    « Come on! Nothing will change! You will be the princess Aléa Ylsure instead » he finished his drink and stared, eyes filled with desperation, his smile cracking wider.

    She was certain he wouldn’t have understood, but she hoped he’d try. « You’re right Morgan, I was just being nostalgic I suppose, a bit selfish as well. I cannot have my cake and eat it too, right? »

    He beamed, somewhat « You’ll have all the cake you’d ever wish! Trust me, the future is bright. » He stood up ready to leave but stopped midway. « And…It’s not selfish but… things come at a price. You know? »

    « Of course Morgan » she waved him away « Now go on, enjoy the party. I’ll be with you in a minute »

    Once gone, she went back to contemplating. Her focus set on those faded white spots in the dark sky. One specifically. The Laurent family’s grave. She felt the tears crawling back. « I’ll never rest there, will I? » She swallowed them and stood up.

    « A price must be paid » she spat before returning to the happiest day of her life.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Oh, that’s a good one. This one is a really surprising take on the prompt, and it has a lot of emotional weight.

      I also love the way the characters interact here. There is a lot to unpack delivered in such few lines. Even though there is a lot I don’t know about what is going on here and what kind of setting this story takes place on, the story oozes with weight, emotionality, deepness – and some rich and complex characters. This feels like just a small fragment of a grander story, and even then it works really well as just that small glimpse into it all.

      And those two last paragraphs form an amazing ending. Everything tied together and delivered in a great emotional punch. Amazing story.

      Thanks for sharing it!

      1. Reidrev Avatar
        Reidrev

        Thank you so much for your review !
        I’m glad you liked this story and it is indeed a part of a greater story of mine.
        Is there something I could improve on ? Something specific you’d like to know ? A particular moment that stood out ?

        Sorry for the question you don’t have to answer just really wish to get your opinion not just the positive you know ^^ Thanks again for your support in any case

    2. HaunterInTheDark Avatar
      HaunterInTheDark

      This is a very interesting take on the prompt that admittedly, I wasn’t expecting when I started reading these. I think you portrayed the weight of how Alea is joining this royal family and how she feels about what’s happening as a result of that very well, especially when going into her personal conflict about the matter, since from what I can tell, she wants to be part of this family, but she doesn’t want to leave her old family behind, which I think you showed quite well here. Great work Reidrev, it was a very good read.

      1. Reidrev Avatar
        Reidrev

        Seriously thank you so much! I am glad you liked this story and you interpreted it perfectly, as well.
        If you find this message and have the time, I would love you to answer some questions. Just so I can improve you know^^

        Is there a specific sentence that stood out for you ? What do you think of Morgan and Aléa’s relationship ? Was there something about the world that you wish you knew to better comprehend the story ?

  7. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
    Matthew R. Wright

    On the night of the bright ballet they will know my name
    By Matthew R. Wright

    “If your Glow shows, up in the world you’ll go,”
    Abraham Arnold.

    Heart races. Statue still. I remain unnoticed. Curtain drawn open. Audience applauds. They do not know my name, but they will.

    Judged by our light. It is what defines you. Quick flash or sustained spark? In the Pitch, if you Glow it makes you someone. Abraham, he’s responsible for keeping the lights on sure, but his name around here, is said out with spite and under breath, spat through the teeth of the Dimmers, from those that lack the Glow.

    As a Dimmer Value 8: an Absorb, I don’t get to have a real name, only a classification, one that means to take light ‘away’. Glow goes when I go by. I am of negative value, a void to those who brighten up their spaces. Irredeemable. Nothing I could do can get me to where they are, legitimately. I don’t get to have a life.

    Tonight that changes.

    Unable to fit into a world where life or death, success or struggle, comes down to the value of some emission from the eyes and nothing else? Where an evolutionary lottery – twisted by the powerful – determines where you live, what you do, what you get to say and who you get to be?

    I know who I am, what I am. I’ve even chosen a name.

    I am Libra.

    As all the top Radiants (Glower Value 5 and higher) sit and enjoy ‘Night of the Bright Ballet’. As Abraham watches on, enjoying what he’s created. I will emerge, from one of the few remaining shadows, and address this in-balance. I aim to bring a whole lot of dark into this mix.

    Worthless to a world that needs light?

    No

    Bring on the dark, bring on the night, bring on the black.

    You call me Dimmer. Fine. I’ll Dim your whole world out.

    On the Night of the Bright Ballet they will know my name.

    I am Libra

    I am balance.

    1. Reidrev Avatar
      Reidrev

      I like the world, seems very special and inspired ^^ I’d wish you brought it up more efficiently though, half your story is just exposition and that’s such a shame. You have lots of cool concepts and descriptions that could be born from those. (Glow, in particular, what do people with a glow look like, what about the absorbs ?)

      I do not see the prompt, however. There’s no emphasis put on names or their significance so… Yeah.
      Great setting, the rare description we have are pretty great but you forgot “show don’t tell”.

  8. Chaz Jazzman Avatar
    Chaz Jazzman

    Who are his parents?
    by Chaz Jazzman

    “Okay class, let’s introduce ourselves,” Mrs. Adison says, “Okay, let’s go in alphabetical order around the desk circle. Say your name and one thing about you.”

    “Hi, class, my name is Aaron and I like to ride my bike.”

    “That is very interesting Aaron,” the teacher says, she is so happy it is almost annoying, “I LOVE to ride my bike. Okay, next.”

    “Hi, My name is Abigale, and I like to go to theme parks.” The teacher does her overly dramatic song and dance about her too.

    It is my turn now, “Hi class, my name is Adolf, and I like to go hiking.”

    The teacher’s obnoxious smiley face turns upside down, it is almost funny. I even made a joke in my head about her being bipolar and I snicker because of it.

    “Your name is WHAT???” the teacher exclaims.

    “Adolf,” I reply, deeply confused, ”do you have a problem with my name?”

    What is going on, I have had this name all of my life when I was homeschooled, but now I go to school and the teacher is going berserk about my name.

    “I’m sorry, but this is unacceptable, I will not have a student named Adolf in my class.”

    “What is the problem with my name? I have had it all my life, and now you give me a hard time about it! I don’t want to be in a class with a teacher that ridicules my name!”

    “What do you mean? Do you now know who Adolf Hitler is????”

    Huh, so I think … I have never heard that name in my life, “Who?”

    1. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      This made me laugh…A LOT! It’s obviously ridiculous but I love it. There are just some names where naming a child is just abuse. When I started teacher training, my first day at my placement school, we had a meeting with the Pastoral Head who was going through the issues that a lot of their students have. Anyway, she starts telling us about this nightmare Year 7 (11 year old that’s just started secondary school from primary) that has already been excluded 6 weeks in and they are looking at alternative provision for him as he is violent, abusive, obscene, and nothing like anyone has ever encountered before. A real devil-child. So she says: “Can you guess his name?” We shrug our shoulders. LUCIFER! They actually called their child LUCIFER. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy! Anyway, I thought this was great. Also, speaking of names, Chaz Jazzman is a cracker!

    2. Koryan Avatar
      Koryan

      I like the story it is both shocking, funny, and a little sad. It touches on how some people will name kids ridiculous things and how a once normal name can be easily turned into something most of humanity have deemed inappropriate to use now.
      because one person did an atrocious things to another the name has died but is still forever known.

  9. Alice W Avatar
    Alice W

    Michael
    By Alice W

    “All we gotta do is follow the fireworks.” Michael repeated, more to himself than to the boy. Behind them, far enough that they couldn’t hear her, but close enough that they knew she was there, the girl followed them.

    The bandages on Michael’s gut were seeping blood again, and smelled like rotten meat and sewers. He blinked hard, not able to make his eyes focus.

    When they were halfway there, Michael finally collapsed on the mud.

    “You’re gonna have to go on without me, boy.” The boy bit his tears away. Crying wouldn’t be of any help now. “Take my gun and the maps. Keep following the fireworks at night, hide during the day. Don’t let the women poachers see you. If they catch you, shoot right here at the center of your head. And remember, you are a…”

    “A boy, I know.”

    “Good.” Michael’s smile was bloody and cracked. “Practice your boy voice. And get rid of that girl, you need to take care of yourself.”

    Michael opened his shirt, revealing the bandages hiding his breasts. He pulled the pendant from underneath the cloth and passed it through the boy’s head. The face of his late brother Michael dangled between them.

    “Now, go. Live.”

    The boy tried his best to get rid of the girl. But every evening, as he started towards the fireworks, there she was.

    After three days, he gave up.

    He gave her his old sack, and one of his Black Sabbath t-shirts. He chopped her hair with his swiss knife.

    “There’s supposed to be some sort of haven guarded by the military after the fireworks. We’re gonna check it out. If it doesn’t look right, we keep going north.”

    The girl nodded.

    “Oh, and you’re a boy.” He added.

    “Right.” She said, but her voice said otherwise. They’d have to work on that.

    “I’m Sarah.”

    “Not anymore, you’re not.”

    “Oh right. Hmm. Ok, I’m Lucas. Lucas was my dad. And you?”

    He pondered. The pendant hit his chest as they walked in the darkness. He smiled.

    “I’m Michael. Pleasure to meet you.”

    1. Chaz Jazzman Avatar
      Chaz Jazzman

      I really enjoyed reading this story, and the description of Michael dying was beautifully written. I feel you could have emphasized the importance of the names more in the story, but it still shines through in the end. This is great, Keep Writing!

      1. Alice W Avatar
        Alice W

        Good point, I wondered if there was too many details that might take away the focus on the name. Thanks for the feedback!

  10. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    [DM me on Discord for details!

    Thank you, everyone, for the lovely reviews!]

    1. Alice W Avatar
      Alice W

      I really like that the wolf used the power of his name to create this sense of dread in the humans that hunt the animals. It’s a great depiction of stealing power back from someone who hurts another.
      I also think it was a good depiction that Millie does not necessarily understand his perspective, since she is now saved, and is not the one fighting the human cruelty, so she does not have to understand it.
      I noticed a few repeated parts that could be shortened. For example ” He showed her all the burrows and fields, meeting the other mice as they went, telling her the rules of this land as they walked.” – you don’t need to repeat at the end “as they walked”, since you already mentioned he was showing her around. Really small details, only because I am also paying attention to it in my own writing. And then it gives you more space for other words 🙂 Nice story!

    2. Chaz Jazzman Avatar
      Chaz Jazzman

      This was a great story and emphasized the prompt of the story very thoroughly. Besides that, it was a great and easy read and made perfect sense. It dives into how names do not just allow you to be recognized, but they add an essence to you, add something that cannot be grasped unless you know what it is like to have a name. Great story, keep writing!

    3. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I love the discussion on what a name can mean, signifies, what its uses are and why one should even care here. I can’t help but be reminded of the dialogue between Coraline and the cat (“cats don’t need names ’cause they know who they are”) – the mouse’s argument are very reminiscent of that. But Savion’s ideas on the importance and use of names is fascinating… specially once we consider how the way he keeps being name shapes his story.

      And for an “early” Savion story, this one is pretty sweet. The others I’ve read so far didn’t hint at this protector side, and this is an interesting facet of the character – I wonder how his future change will affect his relation to the other animals…

    4. Nice touch to have Savion’s name be a cognate of “savior”, given how he sees himself in regards to the other animals. It’s a very neat juxtaposition with the “boogeyman” mantle he’s usually seen in by humans.

      The idea of Savion choosing to give everyone names is really ironic. He proclaims to hate humanity, but he adopts several of their habits, like naming and even their way of communication. The way he shuts down Millie for wanting to stick to the mouse way of communication and recognition in favour of a more human one just shows how much he is becoming the thing he hates.

      Great story!

    5. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh, Kaylie! This one is a really great look at Savion’s character when he is in self hate mode. It’s obvious that he cares about these animals and their safety, but the way he ignores Mouse’s insistence on being called Mouse displays how he may have picked up more habits from the humans than he’s willing to admit or may even be aware of. Then again, that aspect of his character may simply be a part of who he is.

      I adore how as hateful and bitter as he is towards humans is how sweet and caring he is towards the animals. He built an entire haven for them to act as animalistic as they desire.

      Another mirror in this piece is how humans curse him name while the animals praise him. A thing to be hated by humans , and a being to be worshipped by the animals. It shows how he affects people/animals differently, and how he responds to them. This is definitely a departure from how he’s the Scourge King and so angry all the time. A great look into deeper aspects of him. Really excellent job.

      There’s also another juxtaposition that I really enjoy. Even though Savion is much more docile here, he still has a commanding presence. He’s also physically imposing. Compare that to Mouse, who is much more timid, accommodating, and smaller, and it provides a really great picture of how powerful he is but chooses to keep his strength in check. That speaks to his nobility.

      And, of course, the prompt is used so well. Where Savion sees value and even a rite of passage in naming individual animals, Mouse is absolutely content with retaining her name as Mouse even though she lives in a community of mice with the same names. To her, her scent is what separates them all.

      You never disappoint with an of your stories, in my honest opinion, and I always look forward to reading your work. I can’t wait to see what you post next. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this.

    6. What’s funny to me is that with the way this story started, it reminded me of a frog and the scorpion kind of tale that would end with the wolf eating the mouse because that’s what you’d expect the wolf to do.

      Of course, this isn’t that kind of story but that’s where my mind initially went lol. That said, this is an amazing take on the prompt. It’s definitely one of those stories that rewards you if you know the world but knowing it isn’t actually necessary to understand and enjoy the story.

      The prompt itself is everywhere because it’s used in so many different ways. You have Savion explaining the purpose of naming to the mouse, followed by the mouse explaining why the one she has is more than adequate, followed by the way humans see Savion by name compared to the animals.

      Now, what stands out here for me the most here is Savion is almost hilariously human in this story. True, he hates humans and wants to protect animals above them but that’s not exactly a trait humans don’t have themselves sometimes lol. But the real kicker here is that he’s completely oblivious to the mouse’s happiness with the name, Mouse.

      If the animals can tell each other apart without needing names then it would seem the name is for Savion himself, who also shouldn’t need it to differentiate one animal from another. He ignores the mouse’s wishes and gives her a name she doesn’t hate but also doesn’t want, which… yeah, comes across as very human in an “I know better than you,” kinda way.

      And he’d have to have this conversation over and over with each new animal he saves, which is just funny to me. He hates humanity but insists on giving animals a human thing they don’t want or have a use for.

      It makes the whole thing a very entertaining read. Awesome story!

    7. himaji Avatar
      himaji

      I think you’ve picked an especially interesting aspect of a name, it’s meaning, as your point of focus in your story. I really enjoyed the discussion of reason for a name between your characters and I felt that the different arguments were picked very well.

      I personally found it confusing when you said, ““Refuge” he called it.” because I thought he called the mouse Refuge, maybe that’s just because I am not a native speaker.

      Also interesting is why Refuge is so safe, is it because there is Savion who can protect them? Is it because the place can’t be reached by humans?
      This is an aspect I like because it gets you as a reader thinking about the world.

    8. Koryan Avatar
      Koryan

      I like the beginning and in the middle it is very sweet and cute, but at the end it goes a little darker. I get the feeling the wolf, Savion is wanting to protect not only the cute little mouse, Millie but everyone there while taking on brunt of human forces even as far as the act of having names for every creature whether the humans know it or not.

  11. Partran Avatar
    Partran

    Consequences.
    By Partran

    “Pronunciation matters.”

    “So you’ve said.” Lawrence muttered from where he lay, face down, against a distressingly fleshy floor.

    A small mercy that had arisen in the hours he’d been in this strange place was that his shoulders had gone numb. If only he were fortunate enough to have his hips join them, then his position of being trussed up with his arms and legs behind his back would be far more tolerable.

    As he lay there helpless, in the all-pervading crimson gloom of the place his linguistic shortcomings had trapped him, he turned to once again look at the creature that kept him company in this small, humid room.

    To say it was a strange creature would be a statement of the obvious. It was perhaps a meter tall, lanky, with mostly bare skin save odd patches of long, wiry hair on its knees and elbows. It possessed the expressive face and head of a startlingly ugly dog. Despite its aesthetic shortcomings, though, it had a pleasant voice and an almost genial demeanor.

    “There wasn’t a pronunciation guide. How was I to know how many of the letters were meant to be silent? What madmen created silent letters, anyway?!”

    The creature, whose name Lawrence had thought was pronounced “Oopszslashkintintizz,” squatted in a comfortable manner. With a tilt of its head and a chuckle it said, “You’re not far off. It really is some of our sides’ greatest work. Subtle, irritating, and utterly devastating in the right spots.”

    “But why?”

    The creature considered for a moment, picking at a space between its sharp teeth with an equally sharp talon, “Well, for one, it pries unwary and incautious fools like you from your home dimension and drops you into ours, and, for two, it’s really, really funny. The best part was when the smart people in your world started doing it to themselves, without our interference. I mean, Pthalate? Mnemonic? Psychic? Social inertia does so much of our work for us, really.”

    “So… what happens next?”

    The genial smile on the creature melted seamlessly into an unpleasant grin, “Consequences, Lawrence. Consequences.”

    1. Alice W Avatar
      Alice W

      I love this play with the very real pronunciation nuances that languages have. What if it were a crime to pronounce things incorrectly? So many other natural things in life seem to be condemned by people. Very interesting spin.
      I didn’t even try to pronounce the creature’s name, if I were Laurence, I would just not say anything 😀
      I was not sure if the creature was there imprisoned with Lawrence or if it was his captor. At first I thought they were both imprisoned somewhere, but at the end I felt the creature was the one bringing him the consequences. It is not super relevant to the story, but just a detail 🙂 Great work, I really enjoyed reading it!

      1. Partran Avatar
        Partran

        Thank you! The creature is more put there to watch him by the ‘boss’ so a bit of both!

  12. Ethan Jesse Avatar
    Ethan Jesse

    Daemon
    By Ethan Jesse

    The beast in the dark of the hell-lit spire knows the pains of great pleasure for those within fire.

    And you, O forsaken one, feel it all while knowing naught.

    The pit of Hades long ago witnessed the brazen undeath of a sullied feathered king. Black and red, false light anew, and to fall is a matter so simple to behold.

    Rise and stand, or can you, empty thing? Do you forget what you are in the face of what you’ve tarnished? “Red bat!” “Fire ghoul!” “It’s Astaroth, Hell Prince!” “It’s Paimon, Belphegor, Leviathan, Stolas, Devil, creature, villain, hero, anti-Christ, plot device, concept yet recalled! Neigh, it is Lucifer, the one, I know!”

    Quiet, be still. Listen, and behold. Ye who stands tall before the sun feels his name yet knows it not. You’re distracted, in the face of fruits galore. Caution, pity; As if such things were yours to show. The beast in the spire knows both paradise and pleasure without ever a hint of mourning. Mourning, not for kings or angel kin, not for innocence, not for given grace, nor for you. The beast in the spire is the king clad in red, the broken nature of matricide, rebellion, slaughter, and ignorance.

    Do you feel him now? Or do you look away? Oh, you couldn’t see him, not while protected by the smiles you deny.

    The beast in the spire is the devil in the night. The king of desire is the sorrow long forgotten. He who is tormented by the fires of Hell is a law of the world and the human prideful fall. The beast, the king, the monster, the Devil, fallen angel, Hell Prince, embodied sin, forgotten time. Neigh, he is none. Remember his name.

    Daemon.

    Feel him now, welcome him in, as you’re known so well to do. The beast is a daemon. Do hope he does not remember you.

    1. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      Hail Satan! The archaic language and direct address has a prologue feel to it. I can imagine Christopher Lee reading it. Also the phrase “sullied feathered king” is just masterful. This is the stuff of nightmares and it’s bloody brilliant. Great job!

    2. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
      Matthew R. Wright

      I love the dark and atmospheric tone of this story, really evokes a sense of mystery and menace. The abstract references to the various names and entities, such as Astaroth, Hell Prince, Belphegor, and others, may be intriguing in a longer story, but, and this is just me, there aren’t enough words in this prompt to allow for a satisfying/adequately explanation or connected to the references larger context. It’s still chilling and has so much potential.

  13. Sinisterknave Avatar
    Sinisterknave

    An Invitation for Silly Humans
    by Sinisterknave

    Trust me when I say that the mountain’s peak is the perfect vantage point for the annual festival. At this time of year, the weather is immaculate at night. The air is filled with the sweet scent of twilight orchids, with the sky a clear and cool blanket of stars surrounding a prominent moon. Sure, the dances, music, food, and all that good stuff are at the mountain’s base, but from up here, the town looks light an array of fireflies. When the fireworks go off, your whole vision becomes a kaleidoscope of motion and color. You feel as if you can reach out and grab the light, though that requires practice. She taught me that.

    But you people are silly. The climb is not at all arduous or discomforting. The forest is quite peaceful and populated with the most amicable critters. Yet few dare venture into “Oblivion Mountain,” with its “trees of bone” and “man-eating daemons.” All who survive their terrors then face the wrath of the one you call “The Worm-tailed Witch of Fog” or “Speaker with Her Thousand Tongues” or any of the other ridiculous titles fashionable at the time. You see her as just what you expect because she is what you expect, always.

    Have you any idea how many people she has been forced to feed on despite her wholehearted dedication to vegetarianism? It is dreadfully cruel on your part, forcing such a bloodcurdling role upon someone I have known only for being kind and wise throughout my relatively short existence as “The Crooked Beast of the Hill.”

    Thus, I invite you to join us tonight on the mountaintop. No, I entreat you! It is the least you could do after years of cold exclusion and ostracism. We will even have you for dinner if you are bold enough. There will be fresh homecooked food and refreshing drinks as we indulge in the festive rituals and gaze at dazzling fireworks. Maybe then you will refer to her as who she has always been, my grandma.

    1. Reidrev Avatar
      Reidrev

      I love the twist^^
      Such a great story too, I find the first paragraph very endearing and the descriptions quite vivid ” Sure below is fun ! But up top, that’s where calm beauty lies”. Really like that vibe.
      Not sure about the last sentence of this paragraph tho,”You feel as if you can reach out and grab the light […]” I see what you’re trying to say and it’s very clever but I wish you’d put more emphasis on it. Showing us that it’s not a mistake it’s very intentional that those beings can in fact grab fireworks lights. Maybe get rid of the “feel like” ?

      The rest is pretty good but the names get a bit tiring especially since they’re so long and don’t really says anything. It deter from the unfathomable vibe you try to put into those beings.

      I like the dinner “if you’re bold enough” and the ending is perfect ^^

  14. SirPogsalot Avatar
    SirPogsalot

    Face Haunt
    by SirPogsalot

    Never a face without a story to tell. Never a story to tell without a face to speak to. That’s what was said. Why it was so important to have a face, in a world full of those without. They had physical faces, to be sure–most of them, anyway–but a true image?

    Not so likely.

    Khoth’s face, like the faces of his kin (and indeed, all of the Argami) was hidden by a mask. Though, truth be told, they had no physical face to speak of. Instead, their stories were written on the masks they wore. And it was more than a mask–more, even, than a face. It was an identity.

    They had come to rely on this difference, and to use it as an advantage. The technology of the masks drew out and amplified the energy of their souls, weaving their personalities, stories, and fears into magic of a unique and dangerous sort. The Argami were feared by some, but mostly respected. Full of personality, life, and hope.

    Of these things Khoth reminisced, for no longer did he have a connection to these traits. No more could he laugh at the jokes told by his companions, or gaze with gratitude at the rising of the sun, or grieve at the pain of sudden loss. For Khoth had lost his mask. His face. His identity.

    Gone were the emotions that shaped his soul, and the experience that shaped his deeds. In its place lay a silent, dull ache–not a pain, nor an emotion. More, an emptiness. One which Khoth could only feel at moments when his personality would have otherwise shone strongest. It was as if his soul was a painting with no color.

    Khoth knew, in his head, that Face Haunt overtook all Argami who lost their mask. He knew what happened to those who suffered too long from Face Haunt–after all, it was natural that a mind, attached for so long to such power, would falter and grow stagnant without it.

    Yet, he could not bring himself to care.

    1. Ethan Jesse Avatar
      Ethan Jesse

      I love the idea of a mask serving as a stand-in for a name. Both are quite similar, after all. They’re both heavily associated with their bearers they both invoke one’s legacy at the mere thought, and their mere image can bring about a variety of emotions, depending on how they’ve been nurtured. And yet, without a mask, an identity, a name for all to know, the bearer feels nothing, and can hardly consider himself part of this world. Good work!

  15. The Missing Link Avatar
    The Missing Link

    Ozymandius (Black Flag of Mars)
    By: The Missing Link

    Hoffman stared at the campus, glowing red in the Martian sunrise, his father’s greatest work pocked in trash and bonfires as scraps of burning paper still fell from the sky days after the Praetor’s armies had passed through.

    Unable to conjure thoughts, he simply listened to his footsteps echo dryly through the stairwell to the faculty offices. The last time he had walked these halls, he had just graduated med school at the first university on Mars, and his father’s smile shone through the sunlight streaming through his balcony. Behind the door marked “John Hoffman PhD Professor of History” he feared he would lose that memory forever.

    He was right. In place of the loving father proud of his son was a corpse wearing a halo of dried blood. Barren bookshelves reflected the muddy boot prints that showed little heed to the body that lie there.

    Hoffman carried his father into the courtyard, the moment eternal as he thought back to the long nights listening to the old man’s stories of the ancient kingdoms of Earth. His love for them was somehow different from the society at large, gentler. He told how Achilles wept for his lover, as Hoffman wished he could do now. He told of the empire of Rome, but nothing like the Praetor would in his speeches to the planet he conquered. The Rome Hoffman had known was filled with fear amid the glory, the mad tyrant Nero burning his own city to the ground, Caligula marching his men to war with the ocean itself, and past them just people like any other, living in a messy world like any other.

    As he toiled at the spade in the courtyard, a final resting place for the man he loved, the ashen remains of a paper floated down to him, a line from an old poem, “My name is Ozymandius, King of Kings; Look on my Works ye Mighty and despair!” The epitaph of a king, long reduced in all legacy to sandstone legs in the sand.

    Hoffman knew what he had to do to the Praetor.

    1. SirPogsalot Avatar
      SirPogsalot

      I really like this. I love the way it plays with emotions, and makes use of grief as a method of enforcing ideas about a character. I also really like how even though you don’t explicitly explain anything, you were able to convey all the necessary information in a much more subtle way, while reinforcing the tone of the story. Absolutely wonderful work.

    2. SirPogsalot Avatar
      SirPogsalot

      Oh, by the way, one small thing. Just wanted to let you know that Ozymandias is spelled with an A at the end, not a U. That’s not important at all though. 🙂

    3. Ethan Jesse Avatar
      Ethan Jesse

      Ah, yes, the fall of a king! The very word “king” is what I tend to think of when I imagine a powerful word, and was what I originally thought to do for this prompt. For every emperor, every conquerer, every ruler and every king, there will always be the unceremonious fall as their kingdom burns and all they created is forgotten with time. And you, it seems, understand this quite well, as there will now be a new man to step up past the shadow of the old legacy. You illustrate it all perfectly, good work!

  16. Names To Run Away From (Chronicles of The Dragon)
    By Makokam

    Eddie walked into the bar and went to sit down next to his friend Vinny. “Did you hear?” he asked. “There’s word The Dragon is in the city.”

    Vinny set his drink down and pulled some bills and set them on the bar. “I’ve been thinking about taking the girlfriend for a weekend in the mountains. Now seems like a good time.” He got up and headed for the door.

    “Wait, you’re going NOW now? You don’t think he’d be interested in hunting down some old fucks like us, do you?”

    “We didn’t get to be old fucks without being cautious.”

    .oOo.

    Terrence got out of the car and headed into the warehouse. On the far side, Rafiel paced behind a truck, looking at his phone while two other men stood watch.

    “Ah man, I was worried you wouldn’t be here,” Terrence said, jogging over.

    “Why?” Rafiel said, looking up.

    “There’s a rumor The Dragon is in town.”

    Rafiel stiffened, then grabbed a paper wrapped package out of the truck. “You got the money?”

    Terrence nodded as he hurried to hand a couple wads of cash in exchange for the package.

    “Good, now get the hell out of here.” He turned and motioned to the other men. “Pack it up! We’re getting the hell outta here.”

    .oOo.

    The General watched the screens as they updated with the latest positions of his troops as they moved towards the boarder. A slow build up of his forces to where they could quickly cross the boarder, but were far enough away to plausibly deny their threat. Their “neighbors” would be brought back into the fold after twenty long years very, very soon.

    An officer rushed in, holding out an envelope. “Sir, the latest intelligence report-”

    The General snatched the report and gave it a quick glance, before stopping at a single line. He turned to the officer. “Is this accurate?”

    “Multiple sources confirm the sighting.”

    The General tore the report apart. “Send everyone back to their bases. If The Dragon is here, this is no time to start a war.”

    1. Reinkarnitor Avatar
      Reinkarnitor

      You really showed off well, how different characters react to the Dragon. The fact that this person can by simply uttering his name spread so much fear is very interesting. It raises a few questions too. Who is the Dragon? What has he done to get this reputation? How did he become so feared?

      I like it. A character, where the saying of the name is enough to make it absolutely clear that going against him in any way, or causing any kind of trouble…would be an act of sheer insanity.

    2. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
      Matthew R. Wright

      A fun piece of fantasy fiction. The way that the dragon is described reminds me heavily of the way the people of Amity Island talk about Jaws. The dialogue also got a giggle out of me when the Vinny told Eddie that being cautious is what got them to be old. It’s a genuinely great observation and a good line. It’s a nice snapshot of a larger world that I’d love to read more off.

  17. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
    Arith_Winterfell

    “In Want of a Healer” (Aethryn Setting)

    By: Arith_Winterfell

    The Necromancer entered the tent. He was dressed in the typical dark robes having a grim air about him. He emanated an invisible aura that withered even the grass beneath his feet. The dying Lady Elayna lay feverish upon her bedroll, her attending lady in waiting Regina recoiled at the sight of the Necromancer.

    “Why did you not bring the healer!” Regina shouted at the soldier who had brought the Necromancer into the tent.

    “We couldn’t find one. This man offered to help,” the soldier said abashedly.

    “I can help heal her, let me do my work,” the Necromancer added quickly.

    Regina stared at him for a moment, then relented, desperate for help. She sat down, tears in her eyes, seeming certain this was the end.

    The Necromancer knelt at Lady Elayna’s side. He placed one of his hands upon her sweat soaked brow. He closed his eyes and concentrated.

    The whispers crawled from the darkness in the corners of the tent causing Regina and the soldier to tense. They strained to hear what the whispers were saying, but instead only heard the Necromancer muttering softly, “No. You will not have her today.” The whispers died away.

    After a few moments Lady Elayna’s breathing eased and softened. Regina rushed to examine her.

    “Her fever has broken! Gods be praised!” Regina cried out.

    “The sickness within her has perished. She will make a full recovery,” the Necromancer added softly.

    “I – Thank you, you’ve helped us so much. I don’t even know your –” Regina said.

    “It’s Arith,” the Necromancer grinned, “and most don’t even ask. Most seem to assume they know me because of my magic.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I really like what you did here with the prompt and with how rare it is for people to ask for Arith’s name. Though I feel as if there is something curious going on precisely because that last line still refers to him as the Necromancer – I take it that this is probably to avoid repetition, but it have the effect of making us double-down in knowing him as just the Necromancer – even though now his name becomes known in this situation.

      Still, it is a very interesting idea to play with. There is power in a name, but it seems like there is also some power in the concealment (even with unwanted) of a name – and considering the character, both people ignoring his name and the fear being known only by that sobriquet are both unwanted things.

      Very tragic.

      There is something in this piece that it is difficult for me to put my finger on it, but that feels a little bit odd. After reading it twice, I think it is something about the pacing – not of the story structure, but of individual sentences. I’m not sure why, but the short sentences gives me an impression of rushed-ness, not of urgency, so I am not sure if that style was the best for the theme and tone of the story. It is a minor complaint, and one that I’m not even sure I can properly communicate, but I think it is worth pointing out.

      Still, a very enjoyable story. I always like to see this character coming back.

      Thanks for sharing!

    2. Reinkarnitor Avatar
      Reinkarnitor

      Lovely peace. To see that a character who is ususally (at least the class) associated with bad things and darkness, use his powers to help someone instead.

      Who did he talk to? Perhaps death himself? The ghosts of the damned? He is a Necromancer after all…anyway, very nice piece, and also written quite fine, especially the different characters emotions ^^

    3. On the one hand, healing magic has been considered necromancy at times. Such as in older D&D Manuals. (I mean, it makes sense. It’s magic dealing with the flesh and death.)

      On the other hand, I can’t help but think, “Hmm, yeah. Nothing I can do. Give it a few minutes and then I can help them though.”

      In general, this a great story about subverting expectations. But I think because of that, you went a little too hard on the “evil necromancer” vibe. I mean, if somebody came over and the plants withered as hebpassed, I wouldn’t want him to be near my dying friend either. He may be a great guy, but based on personal observation, things die just by being near him.

      That said, as I’ve done in my stories a time or two, it’d be interesting if they were doing this consciously so they could shove a ball of gathered Life Energy into the patient.

      Oh, and I like the idea that he found the viruses or bacterium making her sick and was just like. “OK, you all die now.”

    4. himaji Avatar
      himaji

      I mean I am a fan of your universe in general and this is another banger.
      I think it’s interesting how the necromancer, who seems to be unwelcome and evil by nature, is actually not evil but just tries to help and kind of escape his reputation basically (? would only be my interpretation ofc), which is a concept I like.

      This is of course, in germany you would say “meckern auf hohem niveau” which basically means, complaining at a high level, but I felt the healing sequence was kind of not fleshed out enough? I don’t really know how to express what I feel about the scene but the muttering felt like out of place a bit idk. Only my opinion though of course, and this doesn’t really impact the story too much, which is great overall 🙂

  18. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    Is Who We Are Who We’re Meant to Be? (A Song for: ???)
    by Lunabear (Private Repost)

    The little girl watched the man, the one who’d introduced her to this new life a few short weeks ago. Standing atop a grassy knoll, proud and unencumbered, he looked over the horizon. The sinking sun cast a crimson glow to his charcoal-colored skin. He resembled, at least to her, stirring ashes in a fire. Something that could burn itself out if left unattended.

    He set his eyes upon her, and she stilled. Breath didn’t seize her lungs. The sluggish organ in her chest almost beat thrice.

    His smile bloomed, full and warm. “Ah! Awake at last. I was sure this sleep would be eternal for you.” He beckoned her with a curl of his fingers.

    A sliver of unpleasantness dripped down her spine, but she pushed it away, limping forward. The break should heal with one more daysleep, he’d promised. The night surrounding them was loud, rhythmic. Frogs croaked from a distance, crickets chirped, fireflies, or lightning bugs as they were called here, signaled to potential mates. They seemed almost like tiny fireworks.

    “Can you picture it, Newling?” he inquired. Spreading his arm in front of him, he indicated the field of flowers and grass before them.

    Her gaze, however, was drawn instinctually to the stars above.
    She allowed his words to sink in, nodding without truly comprehending what ‘it’ was.

    “A vision for your future, little one. You shall be unmatched, a marvel for the ages, modeled after your progenitor, of course.” A crooked smile displayed his sharpened fangs. His knee touched the green blades, and a heavy hand fell onto her shoulder. “You understand what needs to be done before we continue, yes?”

    “Forget who I was and embrace who I’m going to become.” The words were stated on autopilot.

    “And have you?” Sugarcane lacquered his question, but underneath was granite.

    Who she was before, that human girl, lingered within the darkest parts of her. She doubted it would ever be different. She looked down at her polished black shoes. “Yes.” The lie left a rancid aftertaste.

    “Good,” he purred. “We shall decide who you are now.”

    1. Reinkarnitor Avatar
      Reinkarnitor

      A look in the past no doubt. I have to admit I have not read every piece you wrote about her, but this one was amazing as always!

      Yeah, it’s not easy letting go of the past. And the way he just wants to change her into whatever he wants does indeed leave a bad aftertaste.

      Nicely written, I could really feel how she felt in this situation.

      I also get the feeling, she looking to the stars when he was indicating the field of flowers and grass means something…but I do not want to assume, as I have no idea xD

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so very much for your review, Rein. This is absolutely a look into the past from where we know Nikita and her Maker today. This takes place almost a month after her transition into a vampire. You’ll find that with this series, letting go of the past is almost impossible. He definitely wants to reshape her to be all he wants her to be. What that is, as of this story, is yet to be determined.

        She looks to the stars for hope and comfort. She doesn’t share his vision of the future for her, but she does not have the necessary articulation or courage to say that right now. So, she avoids saying anything unless necessary. It’s a defense mechanism for her in a way.

    2. Shinigamma Avatar
      Shinigamma

      Not gonna lie, Sugarcane’s dialogue oozes with twisted glee. He really sounds like a piece of work.

      And I love the atmosphere you set up. The descriptions of the sunset, and the evening creatures. It almost seems peaceful….

      Plus the line ‘Breath didn’t seize her lungs’ was a great spin on a familiar phrase, especially knowing the context.

      Awesome work!

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so much for the review, Shinigama! I love your name for him. He’s known as the little girl’s Maker, as he’s the reason she’s a vampire. And you have no idea how deep the well goes with him. I’ve written and shared other stories with him and the little girl and stories with only the little girl if you’re interested.

        I’m particularly proud of the descriptions, so it makes me so thankful that people are enjoying them.

        I hope to slowly introduce some of the less intense yet just as manipulative scenes with these two. I want you all to get to know different aspects of the Maker’s character, especially because there’s a special reveal in the works.

        Thank you again!

    3. SirPogsalot Avatar
      SirPogsalot

      Dang. This is great. The way you used language to evoke certain feelings and use them to set the tone for the dialogue is just awesome. You captured the emotions perfectly.

      I also really like how we don’t really have any context for what’s going on in the story. It feels like there’s information missing, but at the same time it’s self-containing, so we feel even though there could be more detail, we don’t need it. I don’t know about anyone else but I love stories that have this quality. They hint at something larger, something more complex, without really delving into it. Leaves me feeling super engaged with the story as it is.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so much for your review, SirPogsalot! I’m glad the lack of a greater reveal intrigued you, as that was one of the purposes of this story. This is indeed one part of a much larger, more complex whole, and I am having a really fun time sharing it with readers here. There’s a lot in the works, and I hope you all enjoy the ride. I especially want to delve into this guy’s character a bit more. There are most certainly aspects of his character that go a bit deeper than was here and what I’ve shared about him previously. And if you ever want to read any more stories that I’ve shared in regards to these two or just a little girl alone, I’ll be happy to share.

        Thank you so very much again for your review and enjoyment of my story.

    4. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      Geez, who’d write about fledgling vampires and their makers 😉 I really love the existential crisis being hinted at here. I’m going to go off on a bit of a tangent, but it really reminds Darla from Angel/Buffy. I don’t know if you’re familiar with the shows. Basically Darla is 400 year old vampire that is Angel’s sire. He kills her in the first season of Buffy. She’s then resurrected but as a human (and consequently with a soul) to come back and torment him on the spin-off show. But she is in this weird limbo where she can’t even remember her human name, and spent so long as a soulless vampire, that she has no real identity, and how The Master who made her had expunged every bit of humanity within her and gave her a new name. I’ve put a quote below from it:

      “I don’t remember. I’m not her, whoever she was. I was Darla for so long. And then… I wasn’t. I wasn’t anything. I just… stopped. He killed me, and I was done. But then you brought me back…What did you bring back, Lindsey? What am I? Did you bring back that girl, whose name I can’t remember?… Or did you bring back something else? The other thing?”

      Anyway, your story although very different, has that same resonance for me. It’s really interesting exploration of self and how we define ourselves. And whether we can truly ever be free of who we once were (good or bad) and whether we can turn back, and whether we’re too tainted. I really love redemption/damnation as a theme, there’s just so much to explore within it. That description of him in the opening paragraph is superb by the way. Great job!

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you so very much for your review, R.J! Yes, who WOULD write about a fledgling vampire and their Maker. Lol. Existential, identity, and gender crises are some of my favorite things to explore. As well as redemption and damnation.

        I recall both shows, but I don’t remember Darla. That dialogue is incredibly heartbreaking, though. I’m so glad that this could remind you of that.

        Going back isn’t an option, whether we’re human or not. We can only do better going forward. I’m so glad you enjoyed this. Thank you again for the lovely review.

    5. Dude be creepin.

      This was unsettling and beautiful at the same time.

      Unsettling because there’s a dude not even she knows well, and only knows what he’s taught and promised, grooming her to be something else. And it adds to the creep factor that he’s warm and welcoming.

      The context of this story also implies that she’s going to become very powerful, and gives me a bit of a chill for a grim future.

      The language used to describe the setting was beautiful. Calm and serene under the stars while standing on a grassy knoll. And the suspended question of whether who she is now is who she wants be, applies to her now as she’s making this choice and will apply to her again in the future, I’m sure.

      This was well done. Have a like!

  19. Boople Avatar
    Boople

    Wanted
    By: Boople

    Exhaustedly swinging open the saloon door James was met with a few judgmental glares, a lot of ignorance, and most importantly to him, a reprieve from the hellish blaze outside. He had been lost in the Sonoran long enough that even this dusty, middle of nowhere town was an oasis.

    A few gas lamps on the wall gave a soft glow to the interior, given the windows were shuttered. The smells of alcohol, sweat and smoke were welcome additions to his depraved senses as he made his way to the bar counter. Sitting down on a stool he noticed a number of wanted posters plastered about the wooden walls.

    “Well howdy stranger.”

    James’s attention snapped from sepia parchment to a man who had suddenly appeared at his right. The stranger faced forward, examining the bottles that lined the shelves before him with a glass of whiskey gently hanging from his fingertips. A wide dark hat rested on his head, and a knowing smile crept across his sun-baked face when he saw how he had spooked James.

    “Relax kid, no one here’s gonna shoot ya ‘nless ya piss ‘em off.”

    “That’s real comforting pal,” James said fidgeting.

    The stranger chuckled and continued,

    “You seem tired kid, need a drink?”

    At the offer James relaxed a bit, the idea of a free drink and maybe some decent conversation felt like heaven to his dust infested mind.

    “Yea, I think I do.”

    With a nod the stranger waved over the bartender and ordered some water. The sound of the glass sliding over the wood counter to his hand was euphoric, and after a sip he asked,

    “And to whom do I have the pleasure of buying me a drink today?”

    The stranger set down his glass of whiskey with a gentle thud.

    “My mother calls me Willam, but most folks call me-,” he turned to face James.

    James could see directly through the hole in his head where Willam’s right eye once was to a poster on the wall behind him.

    WANTED

    DEAD OR ALIVE

    “One-eye Bill, pleasure to meet’cha.”

    1. Sinisterknave Avatar
      Sinisterknave

      The final reveal is wonderful! Your introduction of James and the setting are reminiscent of an intimidating introduction to a Western. James contrasts this and I love the suspense you created through James’s jumpiness and Bill’s calm demeanor. It kept me gripped for the dramatic reveal. I like to imagine Bill waiting for the chance to pull off his intro through the eyehole for quite a while.

    2. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      This was great. Although when I read “William” I thought “Oooh, it’s Billy the Kid!” but One-eye Bill definitely seems intriguing and effortlessly intimidating. So is the hole right through his head? And he’s still walking around? Tough old b*stard! Your writing and tone were really strong in this one. The sensory description was great, it really made it easy to imagine what this saloon feel and looks like. Great stuff! Well done!

    3. ::dramatic guitar sting::

      I love that we don’t know whether James is hunting Bill down or seeking to be his ally or just plain not involved in the relative shenanigans. It’s giving so much room for the potential extended story to go anywhere.

      Personally, I’m leaning towards the “not involved in shenanigans” option because that leads to the innocent fish-out-of-water and stranger-out-of-their-depth becoming the cause of the villain redemption arc by a series of whacky hijinks and heart-pumping escapes from peril.

      I love that kind of plot.

      1. Boople Avatar
        Boople

        I had to cut a paragraph from this that basically laid out that James has been lost in The Sonoran for a month-ish, stumbles upon this town in the middle of nowhere and tries to recuperate. It’s absolutely a Stranger-out-of-their-depth situation, but the town he’s in I wanted to be kind of a safe haven for outlaws where they all gentleman’s agreed out of shooting each other, hence Bills line about not having to worry abt being shot. Glad you enjoyed the story!

  20. Kyree Avatar
    Kyree

    He Waits

    By Kyree

    He goes by many names and is known by many faces. Tales of his unimaginable power are spoken of in soft whispers in solemn homes, in anger and rage over cold graves.

    He is the reaper incarnate, coming to fulfill his cosmic promise, to collect the debt of life. Only those he has taken can truly know what he is, but they are not alive to tell their tales, to spread their truths. And here, alone in my decrepit home, I can feel him. I can feel his presence behind my shaking, hollow breaths, hidden in the dark corners of my aged room.

    I broke into a coughing fit, spewing out drops of bright red blood and mucus.

    “Oh god, not yet.” I wheezed, digging my nails into the cold wooden floor.

    I could see him now, planted in my bedroom doorway shrouded in empty black.
    He took a quiet step, and then another, and two more. He knelt down, outstretching a cold, lifeless land.

    “Come, It is time to rest.”

    His empty white eyes peered down at me with an odd pity. Tears began to swell up in my drooping eyes, and I thought back on key moments of my life, memories I thought I had left untouched by human lucid inspection. The birth of my first child, my first job, the distant face of my mother staring at my father’s grave.

    A life I had once taken for granted was now punctuated, despite the aching pain in my chest, and the building frustration of being helpless and human, I knew my time would come. Each life was a gift, after all, the only promise it offered, was the being looking deep into my eyes, “Death.”

  21. My Name

    By Joe

    I have a name. A label encompassing all that I am now, but won’t be fully defined until my death.

    What have I done so far? I was born into a life of early torment and comfort. I’ve had nightmares of the known and unknown. Dreamed of the seen and unseen. Loved the things that made me smile and hated the things that didn’t. Eventually, a few of those things switched up as I grew more understanding of them. All the way to adulthood where I now continue writing out this definition.

    My actions have and will define my name. But what will I do to finalize that definition?

    Will I be a simple and kind person with little spots of outburst inbetween? Will I be irritable and lonely? Will I be jaded and unwilling to better the world? Or a villain intenting to destroy the world? Maybe I’ll be a hero all, or none.

    It won’t be easy. But at least I won’t be alone in writing my definiton.

    I may be misinterpreted to fit a narrative unbecoming of me that’ll force others against me and what I believe. Others may fight to defend my name and justify it to their death though I might be wrong. The rest may not care if I existed and live their lives without my name in their mouth.

    Regardless I can’t control the circumstances of how I begin and how I end. I’ll only he able to compromise with tools, opportunities and cooperate with whatever allies I meet. In hopes that I get desirable ending in a scrambled world of ambiguity.

    Now is the time to find out who I’ll be.

    My name is…

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      “I have a name. A label encompassing all that I am now, but won’t be fully defined until my death.”

      You start strong with this one. It immediately makes us wonder what that name entails, and how much this name the narrator is refering to even is the same thing we usually associates with a name. It seems more like the thing the narrator is talking about is their whole life-story/lifetime concentrated into a single utterance – and that will only be a fully formed word upon their death. Even then, they possess it. In just this first line, you already got us a lot of interesting questions.

      And you stay strong throughout the narrative, with new and exciting questions. The descriptions in the sequence brings the narrator closer to us in comparison: their experiences are something everyone must have lived through, and so those first lines echo with new possibilities. They are not just inviting us to the mystery – they are inviting us to introspective meditation. We are authoring our own lives and our own names through our acts, and what kind of character are we becoming?

      And will that character fit any narrative? Our own, or that told by those that would twist our names for other uses, to enforce some other narratives?

      What narrative is the narrator (of the story, of our story) enforcing? What narrative is being built by the way a life is lived, and by the way we account for such a life?

      “It won’t be easy. But at least I won’t be alone in writing my definiton.”

      This line is also amazing. Building oneself (as a person and a character) is not something that one does alone, and it is not an easy task. It takes some doing,. and others are there, to help and hinder. And they are also writing their own stories – and we are the others of them, so we are also writing their stories. That is a craft that involves care and hard work, and it can be risky business. But we are not alone in its doing.

      This opens all kind of questions in regards to the story/ies. Is everyone writing their own story, or is everyone contributing to a larger narrative? Is there even a unified story? And what is the weight of one’s own name in it, if it does exist? Is there a possible name for this One Story, or for its idea? What could it be, if there is?

      And after all, a lot is out of our control. The best we can do is try to do our best with the limited possibilities that are present in the constraint narrative space we have (and that rings specially fitting when we considered we are writing in a particularly constrained space – 350 words, no more, and answering to a pre-determined prompt!). We are authors and victims, builders and improvisers. Characters. Namers and named.

      And you end it in an open way. Not any open way – this feel like an invitation to work on the name. A name that will take a whole life to build, but that is worthy considering what route we are taking in building it.

      That was an amazing story, Joe. I love it. No critiques whatsoever. Just praise this time. Excellent use of the prompt, excellent hook and an amazing set up of interesting ideas presented in a very poetic and compelling way.

      Thanks a lot for sharing it – and, right now, I will make that minor act of hitting the thumbs up so that this act (minor as it is) compose with all those other minor acts in the story of the names here implicated.

  22. MasaCur Avatar
    MasaCur

    Audition Day
    By MasaCur

    Nabiki entered the orchestra club room, clutching her violin case to her chest. Beside her, Chiyo hefted her cello case by the shoulder straps.

    Nabiki could feel the eyes on her as she entered. Curious, judging, contemptuous. Most of the people looking at her didn’t glance away when she looked at them.

    They knew who she was.

    A tall, older girl stepped in front of her.

    “You’re Nabiki Teion, aren’t you?” the girl asked.

    Nabiki looked up at her. “Ye-yeah.”

    “You’re not taking my seat from me.” She glared down at Nabiki. “I don’t care who your mother is, I worked hard for the first chair violin. I’m not going to lose it to you.”

    “I…uh, as far as I’ve heard, first year students aren’t eligible for the first chair,” Nabiki said, hoping to deescalate the situation.

    The girl pointed two fingers at her eyes, then turned her hand to point at Nabiki before she walked away.

    Nabiki clutched her violin case tighter to her chest.

    “Nabiki, don’t let it get to you,” Chiyo said. “They’re just trying to get into your head and knock you off your game. You’re definitely going to make your audition. Not because your mom is Akane Teion. You’ll do it because you’re an awesome violinist in your own right.”

    “I hope so,” Nabiki replied. She bit her lip nervously.

    “Me, I’m less sure of,” Chiyo added.

    “Mom says you’re a pretty good cellist.”

    “Nabiki Teion? Is there a Nabiki Teion here?” asked a voice from the seating area.

    Nabiki took a deep breath.

    “Good luck!” Chiyo winked and held up two fingers in a peace sign.

    “Thanks.” Nabiki let out her breath in a sigh. She pulled out the Klotz violin, and stepped toward the microphone. “I’m Nabiki Teion.”

    “Your mother is Akane Teion?” asked the school’s orchestra director.

    Nabiki nodded.

    “First time I saw her play was in ninety-five for her Summer Breeze tour.”

    Nabiki looked down at the stage floor. “That was her breakout album.”

    “If you’ve got even half her talent, you’ll do fine. Just relax and do your best.”

    1. Reinkarnitor Avatar
      Reinkarnitor

      It’s hard to be constantly compared with your parents…even with older siblings. It can put pressure on a child and you portrayed that very well. It is very good that Nabikis friend was there to encourage her…even though Chiyo could use some encouragement herself.

      And as for the girl in the beginning…she is giving me Anime bully trope vibes and I do not like her…however, sometimes it is the case that they are becoming friends later, so I am hoping for that ^^

      Nicely done!

    2. Sinisterknave Avatar
      Sinisterknave

      Your portrayal of how people in various positions approach and interact with Nabiki, or to be more specific, with her parentage alone, definitely hits home in capturing the anxiety and pressure that comes with unwarranted expectations. Not only those in positions of authority, but also peers can add additional pressure or, in Chiyo’s case, help. You have crafted an inspiring protagonist to root for, not just to surpass the expectations of others, but ultimately be free of expectations. Awesome!

    3. This is an interesting take on the prompt.

      I’m curious if this is just a high school thing, or if this is like, specifically a music school. College? If the first, seems oddly competitive. Or is the first chair just a bully?

      I liked the end, in how it was a casual encouragement, but also somehow seems to put extra pressure on her, in that if she doesn’t pass the audition, then she doesn’t have “even half [her mother’s] talent”

    4. HaunterInTheDark Avatar
      HaunterInTheDark

      Poor Nabiki. As someone who personally hates being compared to people, I do get how she feels, especially when it’s someone prevalent in our lives, like her mother as shown here. The unfortunate thing about success is that there’ll always be someone forced into your shadow because of it, which I think you portrayed very well here, nice work Masa.

  23. Galer Avatar
    Galer

    The truth of definitions.

    By Galer.

    “So how does that ability of yours work exactly?” Reinaldo asked Stefania the Gnome as she fiddled with tools made of copper. “I meant they have different meanings, and it especially gets complicated when reincarnation comes into the picture.”

    Reinaldo understood the talent of the Fae to do just that, but from his point of view, it was weird.

    Though it was magic after all. It didn’t need to make sense.

    If not for the fact that, more than once, a Fae was tricked by the meaning of a word.

    Or having more than one appellation. -be it via reincarnation, or how people refer to that person-, didn’t help.

    “Also, the fact that you can use that to make the skill backfire on the user’s end made it more like a double edge sword.” Reinaldo thought.

    “Well it is not that we use a primordial language for it” Stefania explained while carrying a copper wrench, “It has more to do with how a person defines himself, but if they let their titles taint it, that definition becomes muddled. As for the reincarnated, well… they have multiple potentialities defining, then getting a true meaning from them. It’s difficult”

    “But what about made-up words?” Reinaldo asked, “I meant technically all language is made up.”

    “I could say it doesn’t matter but this magic is so culturally affected by words that it is in fact tied to them,” the Gnome said “Still, we tried to learn linguistics to at least update our magic, but the world advances swiftly. I wouldn’t be surprised if mutated vernacular just trips my people up”

    “Huh? That was interesting thanks for the lesson,” said Reinaldo with a smile.

    “Uh, hu-now could you stop stalling and help me repair that damn fungus T.V?” Stefania responded with a smirk, giving him a copper screwdriver. “You lazy bum.”

    “Fuck. I thought you would forget that,” Reinaldo chuckled in response while Stefania just rolled her eyes in amusement “No rest for the wicked I guess.”

    And so another day of work started for them both.

    1. Kyree Avatar
      Kyree

      I like it, It flows well, and has a certain personality to it. The premise is nice as well.

      1. Galer Avatar
        Galer

        Thanks

  24. Shinigamma Avatar
    Shinigamma

    Untitled
    by Shinigamma

    Buck Jefferson bit off the end of the cigar and spat it into the bin with outrageous accuracy. The portly Texan publisher leaned back in his leather chair behind his mahogany desk, struck a match on his Stetson and lit the fat roll of tobacco. Just then, the phone rang.

    “Mr. Barrett is here to see you, sir.” said his secretary.

    “Send him right up.”

    The door opened and a mess walked in. Tangled hair falling into baggy eyes, the stale odour of coffee emitting from creased clothes, and clutching a pile of dog-eared papers, the man was truly a sorry sight to behold.

    Buck approached his guest and gave him a backslap so powerful, he knocked the poor fellow to the floor.

    “Thomas!” cried Buck, oblivious to the author’s scrabbling below, “Good to see ya, buddy!”

    “Thank you, Mr. Jefferson!” replied Thomas meekly, “And very good to see you too. Yes, very good…”

    He raised the papers in his arms reverently towards the bemused publisher.

    “I’ve finished it!” cried Thomas, “My masterpiece, my magnus opus, my pièce de résistance!”

    “You think we’re in the black?” asked Buck, his irises contorting into dollar signs.

    “Oh yes, of course,” said Thomas, waving a hand dismissively, “But it’s not about money.”

    He sighed and lowered his head.

    “There’s one problem though.”

    “What’s that?”

    “I have everything. An intriguing plot, deep themes, interesting characters. Everything except… a title!”

    He covered his face and began to weep. Buck put a kindly hand on his shoulder, while taking a long drag on his cigar.

    “Come now, partner,” he said, “Is that all you’re upset about?”

    He marched to the window behind his desk, gazing at the Dallas skyline.

    “Can’t think of a title? Then we’ll give it none! I can see it now… ‘Untitled’ by Thomas Barrett!”

    Thomas looked up in horror.

    “You can’t be serious?!”

    “I sure am, boy!”

    “This is my life’s work!”

    “And boy is it gonna hit big!”

    Thomas tried to argue, but the Texan was having none of it. Eventually, he gave up.

    “Fine! But I’m using a pseudonym!”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Ok, I may be a bit too fond of recursive structures, but this was really funny. Having that first solution to the problem be the title of the story as well makes for a funny effect in reading, but what I love the most is that it fakes a sense of having already delivered the joke… and then we reach that end, with a very good punchline.

      Also, I’d say Bucks’ strategy is quite solid. One can make a lot of fanfare and establish some sort of mysticism and hype towards a book left untitled – or, in this case, title “Untitled”. Which makes it even funnier, since it is a lie that refers to a moment of truth, in a way. So I’d say that is a name that probably will have some power to make some waves in the market.

      Also, if someone thinks too much on the title, it has the power to confuse. Not a bad power to have, I’d say.

      Great story. Thanks for sharing.

  25. Contract Avatar
    Contract

    I will be your mystery until…
    by Contract

    “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

    He said that with a sad look on his face. Maybe a fake one however, better be careful with him.

    “Alright. How much more do I have to give? I think you were paid more than enough.”

    “It’s not a question of price, I just can’t reveal that information. And trust me, I would like to take your payment more than anything.”

    I was intrigued. All the other times, he simply ate the payment, only asking for more.

    “Spells? Curses? I can break any of those. Just tell me.”

    “You don’t seem to understand. I acquired that knowledge by contracting with beings you wouldn’t want to meet; but I’m far from their level of importance. It’s simply impossible to disclose this kind of information. The laws of nature themselves won’t allow it.”

    That’s a lot of free information coming from him. Maybe I was on the right way after all.

    “And may I know why?” I asked.

    “She died billions of years ago. Barely anything in this world remembers her, yet one thing is left. Fear. Fear that if anyone learns, or even worse, uses her name, she will come back. No matter how, no matter why. Her glee and her wrath are the same for the mere playthings we are. And the universe is shaking in its boots with this idea.”

    “Prove it.”

    He leaned forward, and whispers very slowly, barely loud enough for my ears to catch up the words.

    “Her name is…”

    At this instant, the whole house shivered, like if a powerful earthquake happened right below us, the wind broke open the door, covering any sound with powerful howls and the sky itself was ablaze. That’s for what I observed. There may have been more.

    “See? All I can tell you is that you know the word, even if you don’t like it. Now, you have only to guess.” he said, looking at me deep in the eyes.

    “We will see that later.”

    1. Shinigamma Avatar
      Shinigamma

      That was a very interesting piece with some great build up. I particularly love the description of ‘She’ – in particular how all that’s left of her is the fear of her and her name.

      It’s honestly a shame that we only get 350 words because I really want to know more about not just ‘She’ but also the two central characters of the piece and the world they live in. That’s always a good sign about a story – it leaves you wanting more.

      Well done!

      1. Contract Avatar
        Contract

        There is a lot to tell about this.

        I mostly did this prompt to draft this scene and because it fits really well with what I wanted to do.

        Maybe one day I will be able to publish it 🙂

    2. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      This is really intriguing. It feels like this is a cosmic-horror level entity, an ancient power that can come back to unleash their wrath upon the Universe. I think you build the intrigue well through the dialogue, we as readers feel the protagonist’s curiosity and need to know.

      There’s a couple of typos/technical errors that I’ve quoted below, which you may want to edit if you can. 1) The full stop should be before the speech mark. 2&3) You don’t need the commas as the full stop/question mark are enough.

      1)“I’m sorry, but I can’t”.
      2)“And may I know why?”, I asked.
      3)“See? All I can tell you is that you know the word, even if you don’t like it. Now, you have only to guess.”,

      As the review above said, this is really interesting and would be great to see an extended version. Good job!

      1. Contract Avatar
        Contract

        Thanks a lot!

        I write in several languages with slight differences for the formatting, so it’s not rare some errors like that happen !

  26. Aracnarquista Avatar
    Aracnarquista

    you can’t make a gold-lead alloy without cracking software
    by Aracnarquista

    The feeling of fear is not something Richard LaCroix is used to. Dreading is for others, not him. Richard LaCroix wields fear. CEO of the Zenith Corporation and major shareholder of some of the more significant corporate conglomerates, Mr. LaCroix handles economic and political leverage as a weapon or threat as the need calls for. No one dares to cross him.

    LaCroix feels no fear.

    Yet, there is a ghost haunting him. He notices the signals of the guards of his secluded vacation home going silent one by one, and he knows despair. Someone is hunting him. His mind rushes to the other weapons one with his wealth could use…

    ***

    Walt Whitman may as well sing the body electric, but “John” is the one who dances to its tune. Every fiber of his augmented body is aflame as he breezes through the security. Automated defenses fail to detect his passage. Guards are neutralized with precision and grace. Every motion of the assassin is a sight to behold – though those who catch as much as a glimpse of him have few moments to register it.

    “John” flows in the moment. He enjoys the craft, the vertigo and exhilaration of moving unseen and being where he is denied to be. The melody of violence – carefully suppressed as it is – sounds like music to his augmented ears. The synthetic reflexes that guide his movements – cybernetically tuned, ironically enough, in a Zenith lab – rejoice in being put to action. The electric signals shared through wire and nerves explode as fireworks and light the night of his life as he snuffs the lives of wealth’s lap dogs.

    He doesn’t kill indiscriminately, though.

    Precision is what he sells, and collateral damage is best avoided.

    ***

    “I know you have a busy schedule, Mr. LaCroix. But now you have a meeting with a certain Gentleman John, Death’s own amanuensis.”

    LaCroix faces the barrel of a ceramic pistol and his own mortality. He still has two tricks up his sleeve. Especially now that he knows who the killer is.

    “Whatever they are paying you, I can overbid them.”

    Once a deal is cut, “John” never go back on his word. LaCroix knew that. But uttering that proposal gave him the time needed to activate the killswitch codeword that would make the assassin’s implants to betray him and leave him paralyzed.

    Some problems are best suited for violent ends… and it is a good thing that “John”, or Snakebite, as he was known at the time, had once been in Zenith’s payroll. What Zenith gives, Zenith can take away.

    The code was sent. “John” smiles. A smile he should not be able to flash – still, despite the killswitch, he smiles. That smile – Death’s own grin mocking LaCroix for overbetting and coming short -, the last thing Richard ever sees. Snakebite’s arm is massaged by the gentle caress of pistol recoil.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Just pointing out – I know my tale is over the word limit this time. This week I just couldn’t work something better and I won’t have that much time, and I’m also not eligible to be read on the stream this week – so I just cut me some slack and allowed this little indulgence this time. This was already a difficult enough one to write this time.

    2. Shinigamma Avatar
      Shinigamma

      What a twist! And after a very tense build up too.

      Even though we know nothing about Snakebite, you did a really good job establishing what kind of a person he is. A calculating assassin who avoids collateral damage. Professionals gotta have standards you know.

      The same with LaCroix – it’s difficult to know who is the truly evil one in this story – the killer or the head of a major corporation, whose subsidiaries include labs that genetically modify humans.

      I know the killswitch failed, but it may have been nice to understand how so. Did Snakebite find a way to deactivate it? Or maybe the killswitch was faulty and Snakebite found out? That’s probably the only thing extra that could be added to the story.

      Apart from that, well done!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Hello, Shinigama. Thanks a lot for the comment and the feedback.

        This week a struggled really hard in writing the story – so much that I took the opportunity to ignore the word count this time, or else I’d be unable to finish it. This one is almost 500 words long (with the header with title and author, it has exactly 500 words – my stories usually are posted when they have exactly 350 words, and I tried to keep some semblance of this particular self-imposed challenge here as well), and I had to cut out a lot. Not that I have a longer draft, but I have another version of the story, with other structure and more focused on “”John”/”the Gentleman”/Snakebite and his own thoughts, feelings, and information about the job. One of the things that got out during the story is the explanation on why the killswitch failed – the title is a subtle hint about it.

        At first, it ended with those lines: “A hefty amount of money flows into Snakebite’s account. Good thing cracking and tinkering of the implants – the deactivation of the killswitch – came as an upfront payment.” But although that explained what happened, I really didn’t like how it conveyed it – it does not REALLY explain it, and it does not really work as an ending, so I took it out.

        But the idea would be that – whoever the employer was, part of the payment was deactivating the killswitch.

        That character, in fact, is part of a larger universe. Originally, it was written as the character I would play in a Shadowrun campaign – though I scrapped out all the details that would link him to that universe and started working on an original story for him. There are other elements that I originally intended to write here, but they would bloat the word count to an even larger degree, and so I chose to use this prompt as a first introduction.

        It is quite possible that I will tell more stories involving him – and in those, I can present the world a little better. After all, not everything in his life is work.

        Thanks again for the comment and feedback!

    3. Oooo boy! I love me a story where the villain realizes their not untouchable.

      The premise is really good. It introduces Richard LaCroix as a vilainous corporate magnate with power run unapposed, until the assassin comes.

      The assassin Snakebite is a principled assassin who is not easily swayed by money, and is bound by contract, and the theill of the kill. I wonder if Snakebite would’ve done it for free and just kill Richards for the lulz.

      I feel as though the line “yet, there is a ghost haunting him” doesn’t fit entirely. Given the context the rest of the paragraph gives, it feels like that one line implies that he was avoiding being killed by a certain someone, while the rest of the paragraph says he just noticed.

      It could be justified by the context later on that Richard knew Snakebite, but it still feels as though that paragraph could’ve presented more of that haunted feeling Richard had.

      “Yet, there is a ghost haunting him. He noticed his personal security silenced one by one without a noise, and swiftness he recognized all too well. A precision he used to pay for, and was afraid would be used against him someday. Panicked he rushed to his arsenal to protect himself for the first time.”

      Something like that.

      Unless it was a mispelling of the word hunting, which then, disregard what I said.

      And the name SNAKEBITE really jumps out at you as an assassins name. A metaphor for a snake bite piercing through perimeters and bypassing the immune system of security until it reaches the head of the organization and BLOWS HIS FECKIN HEAD OFF!

      Perhaps implement that into the haunting feeling of someone who’s being hunted by a reputable assassin.

      “It was at this moment he knew, he was bitten.”

      A bit cheesy, but fun for the reader.

      It also feels like this story is divided into jumpcuts. Espescially from the second scene introducing “John” to the final scene where he has Richard at gunpoint. Almost like a fight scene could’ve happened, or Snakebite caught Richard just in time as he was about to arm himself.

      But that’s forgivable considering it’s supposed to be a short story.

      Overall, this is a nice concept which looks as though it could he a part of something larger. Don’t know if you feel like expanding on this, but if you do, food for thought, it’s about theatrics and presence.

      And I saw that in your comment that you were having trouble trying to write a story for this week. I hope everythings okay.

      Now have a like and don’t let the snake bite. 😱It’s already too late for me.💀

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Hello there, Joe. Thanks a lot for the comment and the very throughout feedback.

        Yeah, this was a difficult one to write. I was trying to go out of my comfort zone and try something I’m not that used to – write an action-ish scene -, but this was a lot harder than I was expecting. And it doesn’t really help that I tried to comply with all the challenges of the week (as well as my own personal challenge of incorporating the other prompt that end up tied with the one we got and ending). That was a recipe for struggle, and struggle I did.

        Let me see if I can answer some of the things you pointed out: Would Snakebite do the job for free, maybe just for the lulz? Well, there is a bit of a problem here – doing it for free would be a lot harder, so the killswitch deactivation is somewhat implied to be part of the payment. But he absolutely would – not for the lulz, but just on a matter of principle. There is another version of the story in which I follow “John”/”the Gentleman”/Snakebite a little bit closer and “hear” his thoughts, in which he makes it clear that he is more than just a little happy that the contract imply “retiring” one of the ultra-rich and putting the fear of god in his peers… there is a bit of an inside joke in the story of this character in that he climbed the assassination corporate ladder and struggled through it all so that he could come to this position… a position that allows him to better choose his targets. And he does not choose the easy ones. He chooses the ones he really, really want to see dead.

        About that line with the ghost haunting… my idea was to emphasize LaCroix knew at the time his men were being targeted and his defenses were being unable to locate the intruder – whoever that is, it moved like a ghost, trespassing his protections as if they were not there and doing his deeds without anyone getting none the wiser. Zenith’s list of assassins in their payroll is a bit longer than just Snakebite, but LaCroix knew it was quite possible the killer was someone that once worked for them – so what he tries to do is gather information on these guys so as to find a way to get out of this pickle. Once he noticed the pattern of kills, he knows he has no chance of counteracting this guy with violence. Being armed would do him no good.

        But I can see how that expression may give the wrong impression and make things a bit confusing. In fact, that beginning feels like something is lacking there. Though I like your proposal of relying in his assassin handle to tie things together – may be cheesy, but it would be thematic with the whole recognition thing, so that opens some possibilities to play with language. I will save that suggestion for a rewriting.

        And about the jumpcuts – yeah, my first draft had a different structure, and it all happened in a continuous flow. But it was a bit wonky as well – as said before, action is really not my forte, and that was what I was trying to challenge myself in doing. And it seems like in both attempts I just found myself a way to avoid really needing to rely on action (in one, it was more a discussion on the sensation of doing the infiltration, rather than the infiltration itself, that was the focus; in this version, the cuts specifically avoid showing the action).

        And finally – yeah, it is part of a larger thing. I have something of a cast of characters in a cyberpunk setting that I’d like to introduce, and Snakebite/”John” is just the first of them. And I’ll take that recommendation about theatrics and presence to heart – it is cyberpunk, afterall. Style over substance! And there is a whole thing with how the professional façade of Snakebite is quite different from how he presents himself to his few real friends – both should be dramatic and invested in theatrics in their own ways, and it might be a fun thing to play with.

        As always, thanks a lot for the comment and all the feedback. Also, for all the food for thought. There is a lot I need to digest about this story and its reception, and your comment really helps me in understanding what works and what needs more work in it.

    4. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      This story worked really well! I noted its longer length, but it works well. It’s fluid and dramatic as stories go. It really captures “John’s” movement and energy with vivid description! And the contrast between LaCroix and John is interesting as well, with LaCroix coming off as a greasy wealthy man who thinks he can do anything he wants, with the punch at the end of the story highlighting how money doesn’t buy as much as you think, and arrogance is the real killer for LaCroix.

      “John” excels as a character, he is energetic and punchy, and comes up winning in the end. Despite being a murderer for hire, he comes off as actually being oddly likeable almost.

      As to critique, I just noted a few minor nitpicks. Midway through you wrote, “He doesn’t kill indistinctly” when I’m guessing from the context you maybe meant he didn’t kill “indiscriminately” as you follow that with an emphasis on the precision of his killing instead of collateral damage. LaCroix “C” is capitalized except in the first line of the story. Lastly the sentence, “The electric signals shared through wire and nerves explode as fireworks and light the night of his life as he snuffs the lives of wealth’s lap dogs.” the bit “light the night of his life” doesn’t read very clearly and might want to be tweaked.

      I hope my feedback is helpful and not too nitpicky. 🙂

      Good story! And thank you for the review too!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Hello, Arith! Thanks for the comment and the feedback.

        Your feedback is, by no means, too nitpicky! In fact, it helps a lot – those points you mention are things I missed through my reviews, and now I can correct them: the spelling of the CEO’s name should be consistent throughout the story (though now I think I have lost an opportunity to play with it – specially considering the prompt – if I had noticed that before), and it should have been indiscriminately on that sentence. The sentence that refers to fireworks is a different beast altogether – I knew it sounded strange and quite hard to parse, but I also tried a few rewritings before ultimately giving up on finding a solution. Though I’ll keep it in mind ofr a future rewriting.

        I’m also quite glad that “John” came up as an interesting character – I plan to bring him back in the future, and present the world he lives in. Cyberpunk is something I really like to try, but having an anchor point to use in some stories so that a world with those themes can grow from it might help in making it a continuous exercise. Presenting “John” here was a first step towards that.

        Thanks again!

  27. WriterOfThought Avatar
    WriterOfThought

    The Devil is in the Details
    WriterOfThought

    I was the King Beneath before the war. I witnessed the deaths of Titania and Oberon. The gods knew me and never interfered with my domain. My minions never questioned my orders.

    My Mephistopheles was appointed carefully. I knew he would never usurp me, as he was prone to sloth. He would remain prince as long as I remained king.

    I lurked in the shadows, ready with gifts for those who would ask, for a price. My reign was glorious and full of splendor. I never wanted it to end.

    I was Underlord during the reign of the final Prodigy. I ascended from the Mephistopheles title after the war, and would never appoint a prince to succeed me. My daughter was set for my succession, but even then, plans changed.

    My reign was precarious and constantly challenged, but it would not end until I gave it my permission. No Angel or Demon or Hero could usurp me, even if they believed they had. All I had to do was wait. I had plenty of time.

    Many had questioned my viability as Underlord. There was not a single council in the Hells, Heavens, or beyond that didn’t think they could find a suitable replacement for me. But try as they might, I could not be dethroned. I would not allow it. It had to be the right time.

    I am the Ruler of the Hells after the Worldflame. I became one with the Hell Dragon to become War. Death is my brother, Famine a cousin, and Pestilence a close friend.

    I upended the tyranny of my sister. I brought the last war to an end, and brought about the dawn of a new era. I witnessed the births and deaths of kings and kingdoms the likes of which the world has never imagined.

    I am War; my reign is young. I know not how long I will last, or if I will be eternal. But I will do what is needed no matter the end.

    Long life to the King, the Underlord, the Ruler, and War.

    1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      Love this piece! I love the use of the horsemen an the mention of how “No Angel or
      Demon or Hero could usurp me” Possible foreshadowing? I don’t know.
      Regardless, love the piece.

    2. Reinkarnitor Avatar
      Reinkarnitor

      Really a great piece. I love especially how he said “I bought the last war to an end” but then in the next paragraph states that he is war himself. Very ironic, but also symbolic. It takes war to end war…that is, when I think closely about it, also very sad. It is rare for a war to end peacefully…

      All in all a very nice piece of work ^^
      Keep it up!

    3. Contract Avatar
      Contract

      I like it !

      It has a really epic feel to it with all those titles shown in rapid succession.
      We immediatly understand importants part of the setting and everything is clear.
      If you haven’t thing about it already, it would be great to put that in a plot of some kind, or just as a good worldbuilding detail.

      Good job !

    4. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSONIFICATION! This is excellent. Your melding of Christian, Greek and Pagan mythology is well executed but makes a more serious point: it doesn’t matter what you believe, War is inevitable and permanent (probably) and exists within all cultures, long after their religions pass into myth. It rests underneath the surface, beneath our feet and can emerge any time. I also wasn’t certain, so could be inferring more here than is actually there or intended, but with your title are you saying that Satan/The Devil/The Adversary/Hades (whatever you want to call him) is actually War, corrupting men, bringing the worst out in humanity? That might be just me having read Paradise Lost too many times. Or is it simply that War is humanity at its absolute worst, it is the devil that resides in our species, and can emerge whenever it needs to? And is the same being every time or is War new every time, a Ghost of Christmas Present deal, where eventually it dies but is replicated on the start of a new war? You don’t have to answer these by the way, they’re just really interesting discussion points. My one minor, minor criticism is that I wish you hadn’t mentioned war directly before revealing they are War, just left that detail until a little bit later. It’s a really small thing, and I don’t think it gives too much away about who is speaking until the horsemen references. Like I said, that’s me really, really nitpicking. This was great! Wonderful job!

    5. Kyree Avatar
      Kyree

      I like this, the prose is nice, almost atmospheric. The subject matter itself is also interesting

  28. Reinkarnitor Avatar
    Reinkarnitor

    Only you

    by Reinkarnitor

    The train rattled over the railway, a constant and rhythmic ‘click clack’ being heard. Outside the window, forests, fields, and villages passed by. Sometimes the locomotive would sound a loud whistle. All in all it was almost calming. At least that was what X thought, when he looked out of his compartment window.

    ‘The train sure is something. Somehow I can always relax when I travel with it.’

    Across of him sat the ghostly girl Emma. She too looked out of the window, and in her eyes was the faintest glimmer of wonder, which was, with all due respect, pretty rare for the guardian of London.

    The detective smiled and then unfolded the ‘London Times’. But after a while he felt Emma’s gaze on him and lowered the paper again, only for her to quickly turn away.

    That happened three times. Then X decided to just keep looking at her. Sure enough, when she turned to face him again, she blushed a bit upon noticing that he had caught her this time.

    “Mind telling me, what this is about?” the detective asked with a chuckle.

    “I…I have been thinking…” Emma’s flushed face betrayed her emotionless voice. “About us.”

    Now it was X’ turn to blush. Indeed, they have gotten quite a bit closer to each other. After all they were working together for two years by now.

    “I-is that so?” he asked and moved his glasses awkwardly.

    “X…do you like me?” The question was a surprise to say the least. Then again, it wasn’t as if Emma had any experience with this kind of thing.

    “I…I do” he answered slowly. This was harder than he had thought, after all he had avoided relationships like these for all his life.

    “How much do you like me?” Again such a hard inquiry.

    Nervously he leaned forward and whispered: “Let me show you.”

    His mouth was at her ear.

    “My name is…”

    Emma’s eyes went wide, then a smile formed on her face as he shared his biggest secret with her.

    “How many know?” she asked him.

    “Only you, Emma. Only you.”

    1. Aaaww… The ultimate expression of friendship IS trust, and X trusting Emma with his true name is the best way this could have worked out given the apparent age difference.

      [And let’s be honest, there is HUGE potential for May-December romances to be problematic as all flying heck]

      I was worried this was going to get problematic with the mouth to ear thing, and the blushing, but you upended my fears in one little whisper and I applaud that. Exuberantly.

      1. Reinkarnitor Avatar
        Reinkarnitor

        Thank you ^^

        Tbh I was NOT thinking at all that it could be interpreted that way, but this only shows how everything can be seen in many different ways ^^

        I am glad you liked it!

    2. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      Once again, a loving and sweet tale from you Reinkarnitor. I really enjoy these heart-warming stories about X and Emaa (and Fiona and John as well). You build up nicely in the story to reach the climax at the story’s end. First its the shared enjoyment of the travel by train, then the “game” of Emma looking at him while he isn’t looking at her, the difficulty of the romantic situation as both blush, and finally the story’s climax when he tells her the secret of his name. That works really well as the secret of his name really highlights the power of both his name and its secrecy and thus its value when he shares it with Emma. Then the closing with “only you” really emphasizes the situation and the closeness they now share with his reveal of his name to her.

      All in all a great story! Also thank you for the review you gave my story, much appreciated!

      1. Reinkarnitor Avatar
        Reinkarnitor

        Thank you Arith ^^

        I love writing these slice of life pieces. Somehow In the beginning I wanted to try to write anything else than just the epic stories. I wanted to see if I can tell important tales in normal situations. Now I have to admit, that I have become better with this than I ever was with epic tales xD

        I do not know how everything ended up being about romance though, maybe I will try another slice of life piece for the next prompt, which won’t be about romance…hmmmm

        Anyway, thank you as well for your kind and detailed comment!

    3. The Missing Link Avatar
      The Missing Link

      Well that’s sweet. I’m curious about the background details of these characters. Detectives in London are about as classic as it comes, but a guardian is something different. It vaguely reads like there’s something supernatural here, like Emma’s some kind of deity and like knowing X’s name gives power over him. Don’t know if that’s accurate, but it’s the impression I got.

      1. Reinkarnitor Avatar
        Reinkarnitor

        Emma is a ghost, she is the appointed guardian of London, balancing it’s human and supernatural population.

        As for X, he is a detective who is focusing on supernatural crimes.

        In this world, most humans dont even know of the supernatural world existing, and the supernatural worlds consists of beings which really exist in legends. I try to not make anything up just for the story ^^

        Thanks for the comment, I am glad you liked it!

  29. A Name that lasts Forever (Exile Universe)
    By Alex Nightingale (aka Spectre)

    It was a smouldering ruin, somewhere in the middle of nowhere, on a world Soren couldn’t name. The remnants of what and, more importantly, who had come by were nevertheless plain for everyone to see. He held his hands loose by his side, as far away as possible from the twin swords on his back. This place had seen enough violence.

    Bodies lined the streets. People burned, shredded, murdered by the man, whose name was in everyone’s mouths. Calling him a man was too generous, however. He didn’t deserve the dignity of being compared to mortal existence; the dignity Soren saw shattered before him.

    The dignity of simple lives. How he envied them.

    A coughing sound caused him to turn around. He saw a young man, holding a bleeding wound in his side. He knelt in front of him, placing a warm hand on his shoulder. Tears stood in his eyes, as he looked at him.

    “They looked just like you…” he couldn’t be older than twenty.

    “I know. I’m trying to find them.”

    “To join them?”

    “To stop them.”

    The man took in a painful gasp, which felt like a knife to Soren’s heart. Not too long ago, he’d have committed similar atrocities in the name of the self-proclaimed highest evil of the worlds.

    “The Silver Count…” the man sounded like he’d aged by decades. “Why? Why does something like him… exists?”

    “Because he wants to,” Soren swallowed. “Because he sacrificed everything for his name to be known. Known as the Adversary.”

    “Why… would someone… want this?”

    “He doesn’t.”

    Soren felt his voice catch in his throat. It wasn’t a lie, at least as far as he’d come to known his former master. He considered his lot a tragedy, a necessity.

    “I left someone behind…” the man’s voice began to fade, his lips moving silently.

    “I promise,” Soren held the man’s head, until his gaze broke, the ghost of a smile on his face.

    He stood up, his gaze turning west.

    “Silver Count,” Soren muttered. “How can you hope to bring peace, if your name only brings savagery.”

    1. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      The cold and casual descriptions of people burning and lying dead in the streets is really effective; it gives the reader the impression that this is a typical scene you can find anywhere where this being (or their followers) are or have been. The fact that you don’t even name the place and are hazy on the detail, really serves the piece well – these horrific scenes and it’s destruction and desolation being unremarkable to Soren. The comparisons of Silver Count being something akin to God or Satan are also interesting ideas. Athough I’ve not read anything else in this Universe, it’s still able to carry the desired effect through you storytelling. This is good work. Well done!

    2. “Well, when everyone is dead, everything will be peaceful. It’s quite simple, really.”

      It’s probably not the vibe you wanted, but I just came from watching The Game Grumps play Diablo 4, so I was picturing this in the same sort of aesthetic. It could just as easily have been a world of green and light, with only the destruction of this village marring it.

      I like the idea of someone realizing the cul- er… no, cult is right. The cult they were in isn’t the good thing they thought it was and deciding to stop it, or at least work to mitigate the damage they’re doing.

      Would honestly make a good plot for a single player RPG.

  30. Teremi Parson Wilkins Avatar
    Teremi Parson Wilkins

    She cursed herself again, the light screen in front of flickering a dull red as a reminder of her failure that evening.

    With a sigh, and the application of effort she hit the button on the computer triggering a restart. The computer hummed at the effort, after which went through the process of restarting. The mechanical whirls gave her some level of comfort as she found herself with her thoughts while waiting.

    “What the fuck am I supposed to do now?”

    Like a mantra with no ending or a prayer synthesized into sounding like a broken record, she thought the same thing over and over and over again.

    “I see that everything’s so fucked up, but what do I do about it, can I even do anything about it?”

    She felt it in her, that despair, that ever yawning Abyss that threatened her resolve and her motivation to act.

    It’d been a long time since she’d felt that presence over her shoulder, that weight of that shadow causing her to shudder in fear.

    The form that haunted her almost took an audible presence in her mind.
    She knew she had to be fast. She could feel it’s influence already, the whispers in her mind.

    Everything was coming to an end.
    There was no stopping it.
    She snapped her head to look around in an instant, almost giving herself whiplash.

    “Hello there, My darling, would you like a title?”
    The presence hung, confused for a moment, aware on a level it had never contemplated before.

    “The Laughing Madness”

    She didn’t know if it liked it or not, but when she no longer felt suffocated by the presence, she knew she’d managed it… it had been a risky gamble, but one that paid off in the next few moments when.
    “Call me… Mxtress Spiral, a.k.a. The Laughing Madness.”

    She felt a grin forming on her face.

    “Nice you formally meet you, Mxtress Spiral.”
    `

    1. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      This is definitely an intriguing story. I think – but I’m not too sure – this is some online game, RPG or maybe some sort of chat room. Although I did also think some sort of A.I. potentially. I could be completely wrong though, please correct me if I’m way off. Your descriptions are really strong, using sound and onomatopoeia effectively in those opening paragraphs.

      If you have the option you may want to go back and edit a couple of things such as the paragraphing as the formatting isn’t spaced out enough on some towards the end. Similarly, there’s no title so you may want to go back and give your story a name with your writing name attached. There’s also a typo on the last line, I think it should be “Nice to…” rather “Nice you…”. Finally, I am not the least bit offended by the swearing but I don’t know if two f-bombs violate the profanity rules. I’ve used a few milder swear words in the past and it’s been fine, but how many f@#&s does it take? No idea! So just something to be aware of.

      Anyway, I think there’s a lot to like here. Good job!

  31. Tamela Redfin Avatar
    Tamela Redfin

    I was a human

    By Tamela Redfin

    Augen decided it was time to truly break the bitch’s heart for her disloyalty. And he had a devious idea of how. “Engel! Come here.” he called down the hallway of the Golden House.

    Engel’s eyes widened. “Dad? What are you doing?”

    He motioned to her. “I need you for something. My precious Engel.”

    “Can’t one of your clones help you?” Engel asked, annoyed.

    “No! Now come here and obey your father. You aren’t an adult yet.”

    She slowly did and as he said and then he stabbed her with a sleeping aid. She collapsed and Augen caught her in his arms.

    He entered his lab with Engel still asleep. “This will teach her mother not to cheat on me. With her bodyguard no less.” He carefully scooped out Engel’s eye and placed it in a jar. He then damaged the temporal lobe with a laser gun. That way she’d never remember. Not even her name.

    Next, he placed a railgun in her right arm and placed armor under her skin. It was a careful but necessary task. Then he’d wait a few days so her mother would be extra afraid.

    After a few hours, the girl came online, looking around the room. “Ugh, where is my location?”

    “Hello, my young daughter.” A scientist with red eyes smiled. “My name is Augen Vene. I inserted a chip into your mind. What do you remember, child? Anything?”

    “False… I don’t know.”

    “Do you remember your name?” Augen asked.

    The girl shook her head.

    Augen touched her cheek. “Oh you poor thing. It’s gonna be ok. Corlita, by the way. Your name is Corlita.”

    “Corlita.” She repeated. “My name is Corlita.”

    “That’s good. Now I ask you to recover here for a few days.”

    “Wait, Augen, sir. What is my purpose?” Cortlita asked.

    Augen didn’t answer, leaving Corlita to look at her leg, which had a clear box of wires in it. How odd this was.

    But Corlita. The name sounded familiar.

    1. Is personality murder a crime in your universe? The way this happened, I feel it should be. If Augen ever does a good deed, it’s purely by accident.

      Of course this set of actions pretty much guarantees that Cora will never want to share air with Augen ever again.

    2. Reinkarnitor Avatar
      Reinkarnitor

      Way to go the extra mile to repay your cheating wife…like holy hell.

      I have only read a few of your shorts about Augen but those are more than enough to know he is a truly fricked up character.

      Anyway, way to go, an interesting take on the prompt.

      Now excuse me as I will transcend space and time to reach Augen and remove his Augen.

    3. The Missing Link Avatar
      The Missing Link

      Well there’s revenge on your wife, and then there’s giving your daughter a lobotomy and turning her into a robot for revenge on your wife. I get the sense Augen will get his comeuppance in the end for this, especially with how the robot he altered to have no memory seems to have a memory buried under the surface.

  32. Silas Winters Avatar
    Silas Winters

    The Power of a Name by Silas Winters

    – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

    He never understood nor believed that people spit blood during a fight–it didn’t make sense. Until he found himself drooling it onto his white, mud-stained sweatshirt, it turns out that being punched in the mouth scrapes your cheeks against your teeth.

    Scott didn’t make an effort to stand or remove himself from the rain puddle. He wondered if he’d get sick or hypothermic, but he couldn’t bring himself to care anymore. The way things were going today he may as well give up.

    He eased his face back into the wet concrete— that familiar faint light disturbed him.

    “You mustn’t give up,” the wispy woman’s voice said.

    It hurt to disappoint her, but he was only a man.

    His voice was quiet, “I don’t have what it takes. To kill a demon.”

    As he shuffled to sit up he realized why the demon had left him as it did. That strange sensation in his lower back, his legs were paralyzed. He mourned everything he could no longer do.

    She knelt beside him and wiped away blood, dirt, and tears.

    “Tell me your name how you would say it. Speak it with soul and confidence as how you would have it be said.”

    He hesitated, knowing names carried power, but the spirit had only done him right to this point. His blunder was his own.

    He cleared his throat and steadied his breathing, “I give you my true name, Scott Maine Childs.”

    The spirit’s bosom lit aflame with a beautiful, golden light. She reached into her ethereal chest and placed the light into his hands. Where she guided them to his heart;
    in a warm rush, it was absorbed. When he blinked, she was no more.

    In a bizarre, divine euphoria, Scott Maine Childs stood.

    – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

  33. Teach Them Manners [Children of the Thrice-Sworn]
    C. M. Weller

    The gatekeeper towards their final destination had announced himself as a Baron of Whistlestop, and suspiciously without titles. He was using it to keep them out of his emporium, finally stating, “I reserve the right to refuse service to filthy Teufels.”

    “Do it,” whispered Dajana Alehandro, ace Bard in more ways than one.

    Teg looked pleadingly to his best friend. “Must I really?”

    “Oh please. I wanna write an epic poem about the look on his face.”

    It was her kitten eyes that were the final straw. “Add in your preamble that I HATE doing this.” He excavated his ring and prepared to put it on the third finger of his right hand. He took a deep breath as he slid it on, becoming a different person in stance and attitude.

    Da always said it was always about looking down one’s nose in a very specific tone of voice. “And you, çur,” it may sound like ‘sir’ to the uninitiated, but those with an ear for it could hear the disrespect, “have the singular and distinguished honour of being in the presence of Integrity Gorafyne Portcullis Whitekeep,” the vendor’s face went through all seven stages of grief and loss as Teg rattled through all of his puff titles. “…and Crown Prince of this realm. I have the power to find you guilty without trial of discriminatory business practices that are counter to the edict of the Thrice-Sworn King. I would strongly advise that you immediately cease and desist forbidding my friend and ally entry, and allow us to commence our desired commerce.”

    The former ‘Baron’ boggled at the ring, and looked Teg up and down again. “But… you’re a HUMAN!”

    “My immediate brothers and sister are Hellkin. Çur,” Teg continued, adding some looming as he spoke. “Further, Dajana has been my lifelong best friend and I would go nowhere without her.”

    Dajana stopped giggling long enough to say, “Imagine your competitor having the, ‘By Royal Appointment’ plaque by their door.”

    “He may also imagine being locked in the stocks,” breezed Teg. “But that’s not the point.”

    1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      As always, well written. Though I don’t get the racist bartender. What was his deal? I love the line “Further, Dajana has been my lifelong best friend and I would go nowhere without her.” I wish I had more friends like that. So great. I can’t wait to see more.

      1. Bene’s dad (Kosh) has taught ALL his kids about the value of friendship.

        Some people are just racist and that’s all there is to it.

    2. Reinkarnitor Avatar
      Reinkarnitor

      It’s nice to see a character who does not give a damn about society’s standards. Those people are the people we call heros ^^

      1. Yup. Kosh and his kids are heroes for the modern era.

    3. I just realised I made a mistake. It’s INTEGRITY who’s the third kid and human. AAAUUUUUGGGHHH.

      I MESSED UP MY OWN CONTINUITY THANK GROP THIS ISN’T CANON!

      1. Edited to fix that. Huzzah

    4. Boople Avatar
      Boople

      A straight forward and VERY effectively written piece. I love the fact that Bene and Dajana have seemingly done this before, and just how much impact those titles and names have over the stupefied baron. I would also like to say I think you wrote the dialogue for bene as a pompous noble very well, the only thing I’d point out to the contrary would be the very last sentence, I feel like there is a way to make that more arrogant or demeaning if you so chose.

      overall Phenomenal work, very effectively written!

      1. The last line is more Bene/Teg [It was supposed to be Integrity Whitekeep but I messed up] being himself than playing a Prince.

        The whole family has an ATTITUDE about acting the noble versus BEING Noble.

        I thought I made that clear with the “puff titles” bit. Ah well. Maybe next time.

        1. Boople Avatar
          Boople

          nono I just thought he was STILL playing the noble role and hadn’t dropped it yet, that’s my B for not getting that he dropped it

          1. You’re good 😀

  34. R J Chapman Avatar
    R J Chapman

    “Centenary” by R J Chapman

    Unwrapping the paper bags onto their plates, the odour of vinegar wafted through the kitchen.

    ‘Good choice,’ said Paul, peeling off a chip that clung to the greased paper.

    Oozing from its container, Arthur coated his meal wish the suspiciously dayglo curry sauce. ‘Well, today would have been Pa’s…’

    ‘…Century.’

    ‘I used to bring him fish and chips on his birthday.’

    ‘Your grandpa could eat this every day, with a mountain of bread and butter, followed by a syrup pudding, and then a pork pie before bed. He would scoff anything full of fat and sugar. Smoked until he was seventy-five. It’s a miracle he lasted until ninety-four. Arteries like hosepipes!’

    ‘A medical marvel,’ Arthur laughed, ‘or at least very lucky.’

    ‘Oh, he was. He had diphtheria as a baby; it killed two of his brothers. Yet he survived. He got blown up on Normandy beach, another soldier landed on top of him, shielding him from the shrapnel. Amazing, really. Two sons. Six grandchildren. Eleven great-grandchildren. All here when he should have been dead long before marrying your nana.’

    Arthur had heard all this before, but smiled nonetheless.

    After dinner, Arthur passed his father a present.

    ‘What’s this?’

    ‘It’s my book.’

    ‘But I thought…’

    ‘It doesn’t come out until next month, but I managed to pay for a few special edition hardbacks. They arrived early.’

    ‘Can I open it? You’ve already spoilt the surprise.’

    ‘That’s not the surprise. Since I can’t use my name…’ Arthur hesitated.

    ‘Look, when you were born, I’d never heard of Arthur C. Clarke,’ said Paul defensively.

    ‘I know. But I decided I didn’t want to be one of those “initial” authors, so I’ve used a pseudonym. I just wanted to pre-warn you. You can open it now.’

    Paul tore open the wrapping paper to unveil the front cover:

    “A Seventh Son

    By

    Douglas Raymond Clark”

    Nervously, Arthur asked: ‘Do you think Pa would mind?’

    A sudden lump forming in his throat, Paul shook his head silently. He traced over the letters of his father’s name, caressing every gold indentation as if it were carved in stone.

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      This is super sweet. I enjoy the buildup to the reveal of what this name is.

      Have you ever looked up what these names mean in tandem? If not, I highly recommend it.

      But your emotions are excellently done here. I like it. Nicely done.

      1. R J Chapman Avatar
        R J Chapman

        Thank you for the review. I’m glad it had some emotional resonance because it is a semi-autobiographical piece. My grandfather would have actually turned 100 this month. The facts about his life are true. He was the youngest of ten children and the seventh son. Two of his older brothers did die of diphtheria. While his mother, my great-grandmother, was at the funeral for one, she came back to discover the other one had died, and this was a few weeks after her husband (my great-grandfather) had died suddenly. However, my Pa despite being a toddler survived it. Likewise, he was blown-up a beach during WWII (it wasn’t Normandy that’s just for this story and the instant recognition of what that means for the reader). He told me he heard a noise, said to his friend “Is that Jerry? [the Germans]” – the next thing he knew he was in the hospital. His friend landed on top of him, and fortunately for my grandfather it protected him from the worst of the shrapnel. He genuinely did have an appalling diet. He smoked until he was 75. Yet had the cholesterol of a healthy 30 year old. Even at 94 his mind was like a safe, and his body was holding up pretty well too. He never wanted anything for his birthday, so when I visited him I’d go to the chip shop. So all of that is true, as are the names (except the surname and Arthur, which was used as a necessity for the character to need a pseudonym). However, having said all that, it’s got to be judged on its own merit. I thought about changing the names, but I just wanted those names in there for me. And ultimately, to the characters within the story (and they are characters although they are based on my dad and me), the name means something to them. Hopefully, that comes across. It’s my biggest regret that I never sat him down with a tape recorder and interviewed him about his life because I genuinely think it would have made an amazing read. Unfortunately, all I’ve got is bits and pieces. I know this is a silly 350 word microfiction, but I’m happy I’ve managed to writte about him in some way. Thanks again for the review

    2. Contract Avatar
      Contract

      This is really well done ! I appreciate greatly the buildup to the reveal and the little descriptions that make the scene more lively.
      Like the other comment said, it would be nice if those names had a signification.

      In any case, I think that’s a really good spin on the prompt !

      Good job !

      1. R J Chapman Avatar
        R J Chapman

        Thanks for the review. I’ve left a reply on the review above, if you want to read it. I’m not writing all that again though, but thank you.

    3. This is an interesting story and premise. The story of Paul and Arthur reminiscing about their father is really bittersweet and well done. I like how the conversation is written and how natural the dialogue feels.

      I didn’t see the end coming, I must admit. I didn’t expect this to be about Arthur C. Clarke. Using his father’s name as a pseudonym is also something I didn’t expect and Paul’s reaction is both tragic and sweet. It’s like Arthur immortalized his father’s name on a very unique gravestone.

      Well written!

      1. R J Chapman Avatar
        R J Chapman

        Thanks for the review. It’s not supposed to be Arthur C. Clarke, it’s another Arthur Clark who can’t/won’t use that name because of the confusion, which is why he requires the pseudonym. Considering I write as R J Chapman, I was having a little dig at myself there as I am one of those pretentious “initial” writers. I’m glad you picked up on gravestone metaphor. Thanks again!

    4. Boople Avatar
      Boople

      I feel like the fact that when I clicked like it jumped from 2 to 6 speaks for it’s self. you have made a very tender and homely little scene, and it really is such a simple thing that you managed to capture so effectively. this reverence and connection to ones family, the ridiculous stories that get pulled from their life, reminiscing over the day to day details. this feels like it has a lot of heart, and it has been a pleasure to read.

      just damn, this is good.

      1. R J Chapman Avatar
        R J Chapman

        Cheers dude! I didn’t know if it might be a bit too schmaltzy, so didn’t if the balance was right. Like I said in my reply WriterOfThought, it is a very personal story this one so it’s even harder to be objective. The positive feedback is much appreciated!

  35. He’s a Radical Rat
    By Marx

    “I don’t get it!” Matt growled, sitting back in his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I just want to free them! That’s all! But every time… every SINGLE time I free a muse, they insist on serving me!”

    Laila flashed Matt a bemused grin. “You want to know why that keeps happening?”

    “Enlighten me. Please.”

    “So… imagine, for a moment, that you’re human. Captured by evil whatevers and kept in a cell for years upon years. Then one day the cell door just… opens. And when you look outside, you see that your cell has an electric panel and a rat chewed through it. Would you feel appreciation to the rat?”

    Matt paused to think about it. “Of course.”

    “Would you feel the need to pay the rat back?”

    “Well… no. It’s a rat. Even if I tried to, it would just run away.”

    “Bingo!” Laila said with a laugh. “Now, rewind. Your cell door opens, but this time it’s another human. One actively freeing you and showing you how to escape. What changes?”

    “I’d be absolutely indebted to them. And if they needed anything from me, I’d be there for them. But that’s not the same as–“

    “Rewind,” Laila interrupted. “This time your cell door opens and it’s me. You don’t know me. And when I say it’s me, I mean…” Standing up, Laila spread her arms wide, unleashing her glowing, feathered wings, bathing the room in her holy light.

    Matt’s eyes narrowed. “Okay… Okay, I get it. So, the problem is me, specifically.”

    “You’re the horseman of Death. Everything you do is with the power and authority of that title.”

    “So… I need a rat…”

    Laila threw back her head in a loud laugh. “What goes into freeing a muse? You overpower their captor. You free the muse. Then you literally go into their minds and give them the equivalent of magical therapy for their trauma.

    “You could try to use a ‘rat’. But returning to the analogy, it would be a holy rat who you’d know was serving under a higher power.”

    “…dammit!”

    1. R J Chapman Avatar
      R J Chapman

      I enjoyed this. The dialogue is organic and natural. There’s a lot of humour with these two beings conversing about extraordinary subject matter while talking as if they’ve just gone for a coffee. Matt (Death) being a bit petulant about these beings so thankful they just won’t leave him alone is hilarious. I think there’s something deeper here too about how people perceive those in difficult situations as things, they want to deal with the issue but have no interest in the actual person. It’s an interesting dichotomy. Good job!

    2. Boople Avatar
      Boople

      this is a neat angle to the prompt, having the name wielder have to realize and learn the impact of their own title on others. and i feel like you played with that angle really well, especially by making the two characters so casual with each other and having the horseman of death, a very impressive title, be just Matt. I do wonder does laila have a title to? perhaps another horseman, or just a friend? she seems like she knows what she’s talking about especially with the suggestion of magical therapy, but idk.

      overall very nice story!

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