Writing Group: I Wasn’t Aiming for You

Hold it steady Cannoneers, Cosmonauts, and Whalers!

Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to, I promise! Please stop screaming! Because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

I Wasn’t Aiming for You

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

This prompt is a tried-and-true action trope; a cocky hotshot pulls out a gun and shoots at the villain…only for the shot to go wide and the villain to laugh maniacally. That’s when the bullet hits the intended target: a street sign that falls over and knocks the villain out cold. It’s cheesy, but it works. Now…how do we write stories out of that?

The first place my mind goes to is weapons. Whether swinging, stabbing or shooting, all weapons require you to aim. You could write about a sniper hitting the wrong target, a knight cutting down his own page, or even a soldier blindly tossing a grenade over a wall. Or maybe that was the intent; think of the thief who aims for the giant keg behind his opponent, soaking them in beer. Or else, maybe an unforeseen element comes into play like a drunk stumbling between the dartboard and the players. 

You could go fantastical with it. Perhaps a time traveler tries to shoot someone through time only to find out they’re not there anymore. A superhero might be aiming their laser blast at a villain…and accidentally hit a civilian. Or vice versa. They could even accidentally save the villain’s alter ego, unaware it’s really them. Magic works well too, but you don’t have to stop at lightning blasts and fireballs. Maybe a witch intends to turn the prince into a frog…but accidentally hits his servant. Maybe a necromancer is trying to raise a corpse…but accidentally brings a streetlamp to life, not even knowing they could do that. This way you can have scenarios of all sorts—from hilarious to heroic to horrific!

An interesting adjacent take on this prompt is an authorized strike. This prompt isn’t about the shot; it’s about the aiming. The person who aimed could very well be the big wig sitting safely away from the battle. Maybe they authorize a bombing of a certain city…not realizing their family member is currently vacationing there. Maybe an evil queen creates a law she never thought would affect her loved ones. 

Most sports have something you’re aiming for, whether it be the basketball at the hoop or trying to get your horse to jump over the right log fence. You could write about the wrong teammate catching the ball, or about one player accidentally hitting someone hard enough to hurt them. You could write about getting the wrong person out in dodgeball, despite a pact made. You could even do something like the episode of Ted Lasso where Dani Rojas accidentally hits their greyhound mascot with the ball instead of the goal. 

What about a camera? It’s only too easy to get a picture of someone you weren’t “aiming” for. Perhaps you want to write about a paparazzi who discovers evidence of a crime on their camera roll. Or you could write about a skeevy person trying to get pictures of their crush…without their current significant other in them. 

Even information can be sent to the wrong person. You could write about the spy trope where briefcases are switched, where a random passerby accidentally picks up the briefcase full of government secrets. Another common trope/joke you could play with is hitting “reply all” in an email, and sending sensitive information to way too many people. Letters are another way information might be sent to the wrong person. (The beginning of Dear Evan Hansen I think has two great examples of this). A letter could contain many different things you might not want sent to the wrong person. If a love letter suffers this fate, and the unintended recipient accepts the profession of love…things could get very messy very quickly. 

Love could be aimed at the wrong person in many different ways. Not just a letter, but flowers sent to the wrong address, chocolates put in the wrong locker, even blown kisses could be mistaken in the hallway. It’s a common experience to think someone is waving at you…when actually they’re waving at someone behind you, after all. One of the most fun uses of this could be Cupid’s/Eros’ arrows. I could see lots of fun takes on Cupid accidentally hitting the wrong person. You could even play with a retelling of the Psyche story, where he accidentally shoots himself. 

That itself could be another really fun use of the prompt: what happens when the person aiming accidentally hits themselves? Voldemort’s killing curse backfiring on himself could count as this. What happens when a witch accidentally drinks her own potion, or a mad scientist accidentally shrinks himself? 

Accusations and threats, or praise and jokes, all work. You can easily accuse the wrong person—whether it be “You left this ice cream out to melt!” or “You murdered this man!”—as well as threaten the wrong person—be it aloud, or in writing. Recent real-life events have taught me that even something as official and important as a Cease and Desist can be sent to the wrong person. A boss might want to praise one employee, and accidentally send it to someone they are intending to fire. 

But this prompt doesn’t have to be negative. It could be especially intriguing to see how you could take it in positive directions—how the recipient is actually very happy to receive…whatever it is, and the aimer must decide if they’re going to tell them the truth, or roll with it. 

I could see this prompt having a vast variety of tones, from extremely dark, to extremely funny. The focus could change the story too; the whole story could focus on the aiming, only to end with a wail of pain coming from the wrong person; or perhaps the story doesn’t include the actual firing, only the aftermath where they’re desperately pleading with their victim. 

My first challenge for you is a simple content challenge: this prompt lends itself very heavily towards weapons, my challenge to you is to think outside the box and write about something other than a weapon being aimed. You could add extra challenges to this as well—level one being “Don’t write about a weapon,” level two being “Write about something more symbolic being aimed,” level three being “Write about this being something positive (or received positively),” and level four being “Write about the person accidentally hitting themselves.” (You can mix and match, as always!) 

My second challenge is to use the structure, syntax, grammar, etc. of the story to pair well with the content. What I mean by this is that if your character is very carefully aiming, be intentional about the technical aspects of your story to make it feel like the story itself is aiming. However, if your character is scatterbrained, structure the story in a scattered way. Don’t just tell us a character is careful, show us the carefulness in our reading. Don’t just tell us a character is messy, make us feel their messiness in the very structure of the story.  

Remember, these challenges aren’t mandatory! They are meant to be a fun bonus if you’d like to have a little extra challenge. But, if you don’t want to use them, please don’t feel obligated to!

Oh, you don’t mind? That was a scream for joy? Well umm…cool I guess. I’ll just be going, then!

—Pearce & Kaylie

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least five stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Use two paragraph breaks between each paragraph so that they have a proper space between them (press “enter” or “return” twice).
    6. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
    7. No additional text styling (such as italics or bold text). Do not use asterisks, hyphens, or any other symbol to indicate whether text should be bold, italic, or styled in any other way. CAPS are okay, though.
  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new; no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Be constructive and uplifting. These submissions are not for a professional market, and shouldn’t be treated as such. We do this, first and foremost, for the joy of the craft. Help other writers to feel like their work is valuable, and be considerate and gentle with critique when you offer it. Authors who leave particularly abrasive or disheartening remarks on this post will be disqualified from selection for readings.
    6. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    7. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    8. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

89 responses to “Writing Group: I Wasn’t Aiming for You”

  1. Kritika kohli Avatar
    Kritika kohli

    I wasn’t aiming for you
    By kritika

    I wasn’t aiming for you. It was just another day at the shooting range , and I was trying to improve my skills. I had been practicing for weeks , trying to get better, trying to hit the targets with more accuracy.

    But then, something went wrong. I don’t know what happened, but my hand slipped, and the gun went off. And before I knew it, I heard a scream. It was you. You had been hit.

    I was shock, couldn’t believe what had just happened. I ran over to you, tried to help, But it was too late. The damage had been done.

    I wish I could take it back, wish I could undo what I did. But I can’t. All I can do is say I’m sorry, and hope that you can forgive me. I know it won’t be easy, that it will take time. But I’m willing to wait, willing to do whatever it takes to make things right.

    I wasn’t aiming for you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to make things right. I do. I want to fix what’s broken, to heal what’s been hurt. And I hope that you’ll give me the chance to do that.

    Please let’s start over. Let’s try again. Let’s put the past behind us, and move forward together. Because I wasn’t aiming for you, but I want to be with you.

  2. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    Who Says Trophies Are Easily Won?
    by Lunabear (CW: Violence, blood, death) (Private Repost)

    The heat of the mid-day sun was unrelenting.

    A slug whizzed above Charles’ perspiring head. It ricocheted from hard tree bark and disappeared into thick underbrush.

    “What fun is the game if you don’t run, old sport?” Edwin chuckled with derisive glee. The reloading of his sturdy shotgun echoed.

    Charles almost threw up his lungs, but still circled to the other side of the tree. Without sense of direction, he stumbled his way through the untamed jungle. His heart pounded as though it meant to escape, and the blood rushing within his ears matched the harshness of his breathing.

    Edwin’s jovial whistle called to the sky. “I am hoping we can drag this out a little more, dear boy. What with Julie having sacrificed herself, it doesn’t seem like you all will win.”

    Bile doused the back of his throat. Julie’s head had been a macabre crimson painting against the jungle floor. Charles couldn’t decide if Edwin was closer or further away than before. Regardless, he wasn’t keen on finding out. At least Ian and Miranda were safe. He hoped.

    Spying a coiled vine, Charles rushed to climb it. A knife sailed and cleaved the flora in half. Charles yelped as he fell and thumped against the earth beneath him.

    “Tsk, tsk, Charles! Surely, you can do better than hiding! Be a man!” Edwin’s growl reverberated from everywhere at once.

    Charles swiped his forearm across his forehead and sat with some trouble. His elbow screamed out when he put weight on it. “Come on, little Charlie. Don’t let him beat you!” Shoving to his feet, he pitched from side to side. The world spun, but he kept his feet moving. Desperate, he dove into a shaking bush, landing face down into the dirt.

    “Charles!” Ian hissed.

    Charles bolted upright, his eyes wide. “Oh! You’re alive!” His friends were as haggard as he was.

    “Edwin’s gone mad!” Miranda moaned.

    A shot parted the brush and propelled Ian backwards. He screamed, holding his bloody shoulder.

    “Damn!” Edwin lamented. “That one was for Miranda!”

    Ian was tended to while another slug was chambered.

  3. Not Mad, Just Dissapointed (Chronicles of The Dragon)
    By Makokam

    The warehouse was full of caged therians. They cowered, glared, cursed, and struggled against the bars. The stronger ones were chained up as well.

    The Black Fox mercenaries had been hired to collect a few dozen therianthropes, and after a month of stalking and snatching animal-people, they’d met their quota and were eager for their quarry to be picked up and to get their pay. Now they just needed to guard them until they were picked up.

    They were disciplined enough to wait until the mission was actually done, but the excitement of a huge payday coming their way was palpable. Perhaps that’s what made them let their guard down, as they didn’t realize they had an intruder until he spoke.

    “I thought better of you.”

    They all reacted instantly, turning their weapons on the man wearing a long coat and smoking a cigarette. Fox herself addressed him, “So you’ve heard of us! But if you know our reputation, then you should know that we’ll take any job if the pay is high enough.”

    He shot her a glare. “I wasn’t talking to you.” He took the cigarette out of his mouth. “I was talking to her,” and he jabbed it at a small curly-haired cat girl.

    “I’m sorry!” she said, “They ambushed me! But look, I’ve almost got this…” The mercenaries all turned and watched, confused, as she pulled at her chains. Her jaw set and muscles went taught as she pulled and pulled, and then the chains holding her snapped. She let out a breath, then bent the bars on her cage and jogged over to the man.

    A more proactive mercenary drew their weapon on them, but the man instantly pointed a finger at him, a fireball at its tip, without looking away from the girl.

    “So, do you want to get out of here, or get some payback?”

    “Payback!” she said, punching a fist into her palm and dropping into a three point stance.

    “Nice,” he said, flicking his cigarette away.

    The first few mercenaries were down before it even hit the floor

    1. Jocelyn Avatar
      Jocelyn

      J&B… seems like the beginning of an adventure movie!

  4. Danny Gilhooley Avatar
    Danny Gilhooley

    Paper Planes
    By Danny Gilhooley

    “Mike, come in. Over.”

    “Yeah, what’s up?”

    “No! You’re supposed to say ‘Over’ when you finish talking on the radio! Over!”

    “I’m not doing that.”

    Jim wanted to pout but he knew that wouldn’t work. Mike was only here because his sister wanted to go to the playground and his mom wouldn’t leave him alone at the house.

    “Fine. Can you just look up? I’m gonna throw the first plane. Over.”

    There were two towers on the playground. Jim crouched in one. Mike sat in the other. Between the towers were benches where all the adults sat. Jim had watched some kids in the middle school make paper airplanes for a school project, and he wanted to make some as well. He thought it would be fun to throw the planes down to confuse the parents.

    In the other tower, Jim could see Mike groan and prop his head on the edge of the tower. He didn’t bother picking up his radio.

    Jim picked up his first plane. It had creases everywhere and the nose was crooked.

    “Okay, here we go!”

    Jim brought the plane as far behind him as he could and chucked it. It started flying, leaning to the left and falling fast. But then a gust of wind came through. It caught the paper airplane, putting it back on track. Then the gust got stronger. The plane went higher in the air. It was well above the benches, and it sailed over them.

    “Uh oh.”

    It kept going up. Higher and higher. What if it went into the street? What if it hits a car windshield?

    Then the gust vanished. The plane hung for a moment before falling back down. The nose pointed to the ground. It picked up speed before finally crashing.

    Right on Mike’s head.

    “Oops.”

    Mike grabbed his head. Jim heard him shout, grab the plane, and look over to his tower. Even in the distance, Jim knew he was mad.

    “Sorry! I didn’t think it would go that far!”

    “You’re dead, Jim! Over!”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I love stories that deal with simple and common things, and elevate them into an event in and on itself. Yours hit the right spot (maybe if, perhaps, you weren’t aiming at it… pun intended).

      I won’t exactly point it out as a critique, as I don’t really think what I’m about to say is a problem on the story, so I’ll phrase it more as a suggestion – I think the paragraph where the launch of the paper plane happens could use some more flowery language to sell the moment. the kind of flowery would depend on how you want us to see the characters – maybe if he is more interested in the aerodynamics of the experiment, go for a more physic-y descriptive style. If the whimsical is the goal, then one can weave it as an imaginative experiment in seeing the paper plane as a real airplane crossing the skies and dealing with turbulence while trying to reach its destination. And maybe it could just go the more poetic route and perhaps use the plane as the active element rather than the wind in your sentences. I’d think that would heighten that particular moment, and that has the potential to both make it more beautiful and also to leave the reader ore vulnerable to the ending punchline. But as I said before, that’s just a suggestion – I don’t see a real problem with how it is already written.

      I also really like how the ending is set up before. That last “over” is quite funny, specially considering all that it implies.

      Thanks for sharing.

      1. Danny Gilhooley Avatar
        Danny Gilhooley

        I really like that suggestion. I’m definitely gonna use that in the future. Adds more to the character development, as you mentioned, and that’s something I’d like to improve on.

        Thank you very much for reading!

  5. Strong Berry Avatar
    Strong Berry

    A Bear’s Favor
    By Strong Berry

    The Bear was sad that night. The not quite human giant was sitting there on a boulder, alone, keeping watch while his companions, William and Richard, slept in their tents. It was a new feeling, this strange sadness from being alone, in the quite night.

    Then, he heard it. An annoying, terrible buzzing around his ear. His giant hands moved quickly to kill the bug, but it seemed to be too clever, dodging every blow. When The Bear finally got it, he was short of breath and angry. Then, a concern for his companions appeared in his mind. They are asleep, probably getting sucked dry and buzzed at by these things! The Bear, caring for his human companions, decided to check their tents, just to be sure.

    He entered Williams’ tent first, and sure enough, on Williams’ arm was a mosquito. The sight alone filled The Bear with rage, and he decided he is not going to take his chances killing this thing. He needed a thing big enough to prevent the bugs’ escape. He looked around for things he could use and when his gaze landed on the perfect tool.

    William woke up screaming from a crushing pain in his arm. He turned his head to see The Bear, holding a boulder in his massive hands. “I got it! I got it!” The Bear said, excitedly. William didn’t understand and was far more focused on the pain. He gave The Bear a hateful gaze that sent the giant back a few steps with a regretful expression, before running off screaming “Richard! Help!”.

    ——

    “Alright, Bear, remember, you don’t just smash things when you see ’em. Even if they’re mosquitoes. Now go catch some fish.” Richard said in a calm tone. The Bear, whose face became regret and fear, nodded gently and went off. Then, Richard entered Williams’ tent, where he sat, his arm covered in bandages.

    “How’s the arm?”

    “Broken, thanks to our dear, GENIUS hunter.”

    “Oh, cheer up. You got lucky, you know.”

    “Lucky?!”

    “Well, yeah. At least it didn’t land on your crotch.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      You know, I knew a joke once that went similarly with how that story goes – a kid with his face swollen telling how a bee landed on him while in the middle of a lake fishing with his father. When the interlocutor asks what kind of bee would make such a damage, the kid reassure hers the bee had no chance to sting him – his father was faster, and killed it with the oar.

      I was expecting something like that from this story, and yeah, we have that… by the midpoint of it. And the punchline at the end was completely unexpected, and very funny. I really like when even a concept that is already treaded about can be renovated through variation and expansion, and here you did it wonderfully.

      The change in voice from the first part of the story (with the Bear perspective) to the second one (now more akin to third-person omniscient) helps distinguishing the somewhat constrained perspective of the Bear and the more complex vision of it all of his human companions – this makes both the Bear’s honest mistake more believable, but also set up the thinking on how it could have gone even worse as part of the joke. The variation also helps in keeping the reading fresh.

      That was a great tale and a very funny joke. Thanks for sharing.

      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you for the kind words! As for inspiration, I got it from a fable, where an actual bear sees a mosquito on the face of his human friend, grabs a boulder and… you could guess what happened next.

    2. Ethan Jesse Avatar
      Ethan Jesse

      I came into this expecting a somber delve into the feeling of loneliness, only for it to turn into a downright comedy sketch! Can’t say I mind, though, as you manage to turn the simple setup of killing a mosquito into a fun “Bone-Crushing Experiment” (get it). And, when all’s says ad done, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in this cast and their situation. I think, if we work on toning up the reactions a bit (they were slightly underwhelming, given arms were broken), this’ll be part of something great!

      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you for the kind words and feedback!

  6. Angry writer Avatar
    Angry writer

    When will the new topic be out?

    1. It’ll be announced at the next stream.

  7. The Missing Link Avatar
    The Missing Link

    The Fermi Paradox
    By: The Missing Link

    It was like any other summer day for Maxwell, 115 degrees, cicadas drowning out every other noise, and the satellites detected an artificial object moving towards the solar system. Sweat slicked the keyboard as he typed out the email to his superiors.

    The object at its current velocity would pass the Oort Cloud as soon as December. He had no visuals on it yet, but its heat signature suggested it contained some kind of propulsion mechanism.

    He jumped in his chair as his inbox pinged for an email with the header “Fermi Paradox Solved?”

    Maxwell ran his hand through his hair trying to think. SETI had been sending out signals for decades with no real target or hope of success. They were the joke of the astronomical community, and yet… But what did this all mean? Why now.

    He ran through proposed solutions to the Fermi Paradox in his head. Rarity would still apply, he thought. Clearly the aliens had developed advanced technology. Could it be the Zoo hypothesis, and the aliens were coming to whisk humanity into the world of Type II civilizations? No, the fusion reactor was still decades away.

    His sweat went cold. They had probably received SETI’s signals, but what did that mean to them? They had come this close and hadn’t responded. He stared with all his will at the feed from the satellite, waiting for an attack, now convinced of the Dark Forest hypothesis. It would have been better to stay quiet.

    Simple game theory, he thought. We don’t know what they want, they don’t know what we want, and they don’t know what we’re capable of. A signal out into the forest is a signal to the other hunters, announcing either prey or a threat. The response is the same, kill it, before it kills you. Humanity had sent out a challenge, a threat, and now it had finally reached someone who would act on it.

    The question then should never have been where to aim the signals, but whether to send them in the first place.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Missing, thank you for the atmosphere, as it’s super hot where I am right now. It’s quite well done.

      Okay, so in this story, you take the prompt and propose to not have aimed at all. I like that. It definitely has the same energy of Jeff Goldblum’s character from Jurassic Park.

      You leave the story on a rather ambiguous note. Nothing wrong with ambiguity, but I really would have liked some form of threat to be shown. As it stands, the detection could be a glitch or some huge threat they weren’t even attempting to contact. Man has always reached for the stars, and a lot of times, I think we’ve overshot it. The build-up is really nice, though. It’s also a little difficult to peg down Maxwell as a character, although, I’m not sure if that was intentional or not. But I didn’t do it the introduction of the philosophy of if they should have sent the signal at all. That’s really well executed.

      Critiques:

      They were the joke of the astronomical community, and yet… But what did this all mean? Why now(?)

      The response is the same(:) kill it, before it kills you.

      Even though the story is a bit short and I would have liked to see a resolution, it’s still a good story. If you choose to continue the storyline, I would love to see where it goes. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this.

    2. “Shh, they’ll hear you.”

  8. Wicked Witch
    By Sooth

    Sajii ignored the orange-piss colored fog trying to follow her down into the fetid, underground cells of Church Agello. She didn’t have time to think on the ramifications of the Yellow Moon. The end of a dangerous, timed battle closed in on Sajii and her compatriots and she did not like to lose any more Saved than necessary.

    She sighed with open relief upon sighting the mushroom-headed witch chained to a long wall. Thedrea heard the curbed footsteps and looked up. Sajii’s sigh turned contemptuous as the eyeless witch sized her up. Sajii knew little about mushrooms, or vegetation in general. Certainly not enough to explain the various bits that grew into, and out of, her prisoner. Otherwise, she’d likely not be able to claim herself as one of the Saved. She did know the witch to be unnatural. Wrong. Corrupted.

    “It doesn’t matter that the Church has me in chains, Sajii. The Yuneglow Coven will not break. Not even for me.”

    “Good. I need the Yuneglow Coven strong. This,” Sajii waves around the room, “is simply pragmatism. Smoke and mirrors.”

    The witch’s face twisted into what Sajii guessed was a scowl. “Smoke and mirrors? You need to release me, now.”

    Sajii took a turn to twist her face, but hers was a smirk, not a scowl. “No chance. Your mushroom ass is going to smoke on a bonfire. You’ll finally have a chance to smell decent under the purifying fires of Ughenon.”

    Thedrea cackled with earthy grit, “Then my Coven will do nothing for you.”

    “I don’t need them to. See, nobody outside the Church knows exactly who we have here. We’re going to roast us a mushroom, but we’ll claim you’re a captured Hexion witch. The Hexions will come to take vengeance, and your Coven will retaliate to them assaulting ancient boundaries. A witch-war begins that I don’t need to take a direct part in, and the Church weakens two foes.”

    “Yet, you dare to call us corrupted.”

    Thedrea drooped her head, regardless. The Church worked in mysterious ways indeed. Wicked ways.

    1. Shinigamma Avatar
      Shinigamma

      Very interesting piece. I am very partial to the description of the “mushroom-headed witch”. It puts into mind some creepy, Guillermo del Toro creation, very fitting for such a dark piece.

      The back and forth dialogue between Sajii and Thedrea is very tense – you can taste the venom on every word they spit at one another.

      Only critique would be the line “Sajii took a turn to twist her face.” – I think you mean “It was Sajii’s turn to twist her face.” Otherwise, the rest of piece reads fine.

      Well done!

      1. I was hoping, with the limited room for description, that would be enough to put a vision in the reader’s mind. Thank you for reading!

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This was very interesting. I like what you did with the descriptions and the establishment of the tone and scene – that opening paragraph alone does a lot in priming our expectations and it makes for a great start.

      I really like the ramifications and the idea behind the plot – the bending of truth and control of information as a weapon to put two enemies in conflict, thus furthering one’s on goal… and if one among them must be killed for that, so be it. This really paints the Church in a specific light, and the Thedrea’s last words wrap up exactly my thoughts on them.

      Great story, with powerful images and a very interesting premise. Thanks for sharing.

      1. Wow, that was a huge compliment, thank you so very much. I really don’t know what else to say at the moment, just…thank you.

    3. I would be interested in reading more about these mushroom witches.

  9. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    Icicles (Amelia)
    by Lee Strangely

    Even as the seared meat steamed on the table, the air seemed thick with cold awkwardness. While Amelia and Prince Lorn kept to themselves, the King and his General debated aloud.

    The General spoke, “I would recommend that you prepare soon. Winter’s practically on us. We wouldn’t want to let the cold in, would we?”

    “I suppose you’re right…” The King mumbled.

    “Winter’s such a horrible season, isn’t it?” his eyes drifted across the table, towards the prince and his witch, “So dark, and cold…”

    “You could always put on more clothes, if you don’t feel comfortable.” Amelia jeered.

    “Should a man have to cover himself further just to walk in his own home? I’d take the hottest summer over the coldest winter.”

    “But what if his home gets too hot?”

    “Then he can enjoy the outdoors’ warm embrace.”

    She raised an eyebrow, “And what if that gets too hot?”

    “Then… he’ll do away with unnecessary clothing,” the General faltered, still projecting some confidence.

    “I see…” Amelia smirked, “And once he runs out of clothing, will he be rid of his dignity as well?”

    The King gave a drunken chuckle.

    Lorn finally butted in, “Honestly, I quite like the winter. It’s very beautiful. I particularly love the icicles that hang from the ledges, glistening in sunlight.”

    “Yes, the icicles… Beautiful, aren’t they? Clinging to the brick, dangling over us. Dazzling us, distracting us as they grow longer. And grow, and grow till the bricks can’t hold them anymore. And then… They drop. And when they’re high enough up, they’ll kill anything… in… their path.”

    Lorn caught a glimpse of the flames that spewed from her glare. His hand hovered over hers, He could feel the frost that was forming around it.

    He whispered, “Don’t.” Lorn then turned back to the General, “Seems a bit harsh…”

    “Winter’s a harsh season… besides, we’re only talking about weather…” he looked directly at the two, feigning innocence. “Aren’t we?”

    Amelia’s hand then seemed to fly from her chair. While the General flinched, Lorn jumped to stop her.

    She paused, “I just wanted another drink.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I don’t think I’ve seen this characters before, but color me intrigued!

      I love how the story works by never direct addressing anything, but dealing with lots and lots of implications. This feels very much like a condensed scene of courtly intrigue, when etiquette itself is the most dangerous weapon one can wield. And there is a lot going on in the interactions between those four.

      I had a little bit of problem in some small segments where I was not terribly sure who was the one talking. This happened just in a few instances – two or three times, at most. But it is the only element I’d point it could be improved. Apart from that, I think everything here works incredibly well. The tone is interesting, the banter and threats are well established, and all the characters have their own distinct voices and presences.

      And the integration of the prompt in the end marks really well how, besides the somewhat “light” tone of the conversation, the tension was pretty high and the smallest movement could be a preclude of danger.

      Great story, Lee Strangely. Thanks for sharing!

  10. NightWolf Avatar
    NightWolf

    Towering Regrets
    By NightWolf

    “The view from up here sure is miraculous; after all, we are on top of the tallest building in the city.”

    “Why have you brought me up here, Alice?” Thomas questioned, his eyes searching hers for answers Alice turned around, avoiding his gaze for a while, holding her glassy cup over the edge and looking at her reflection. Then she said,

    “Can you see this little park below us?” She pointed her cup and finger at it.

    “Yes, what about it? Are you just wasting my time because I want to leave? I am sick of this place.”

    “Thomas, please wait. I-I just wanted to remind you of the time when we used to hang out in the same park, just the two of us.”A faint smile crossed Thomas’s face, momentarily forgetting the pain she had caused. Alice giggled at the memory of their carefree days.

    “That’s what I am talking about. What is stopping us from doing the same thing, from being the same way as before?”

    “You know very well why, Alice.” The wind rustled her dress as they stood in silence. Finally, she took a deep breath and said, “Thomas, I-I apologize for what I did.”

    “You apologize for what? For getting praised and promoted by the boss instead of me? For the officers sending me to prison while you walked free?Or maybe for staying idly by, while your best friend’s life came to ruins. Maybe I am at fault here for being so naïve. Perhaps it all fed to your ego didn’t it? The praise, the success must have pleased you.” She tried to mimic a sad expression, but they both knew what he said was all true.

    “That’s what I thought. I am leaving. Enjoy drowning yourself in drinks at the party, Alice.”

    “Thomas, wait, I…” She stopped herself, knowing that a simple “sorry” or “I didn’t mean to” are worthless in this situation.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This is indeed an interesting story, Nightwolf. At first, I thought it might have been an Alice In Wonderland retelling. That aside, there is so great tension being built here. Two people who were once acquaintances, perhaps even friends, now on opposing sides. From how it’s portrayed, Alice does not feel bad about what happened with Thomas. She doesn’t regret anything. I won’t say she’s a full-blown narcissist, but she does have tendencies. She’s a bit dismissive of him and his attitude, and even tries to distract him. One thing I find interesting is how she tries to imitate sadness. To me, she reads as someone who either has difficulty with or is completely unable to empathize with others.

      I will admit that the prompt is a little lost on me (maybe because I’m not seeing it as you intended) but the way I interpret it is that Alice isn’t aiming for a friendship with Thomas; she merely wants to use him to further her own goals and desires. I could be wrong, though. I also look at it as Thomas spending these last few moments with her to not only get her perspective but also to solidify him cutting Alice off.

      Critiques:

      “Why have you brought me up here, Alice?” Thomas questioned, his eyes searching hers for answers(.) Alice turned around, avoiding his gaze for a while, holding her glassy cup over the edge and looking at her reflection. Then she (asked), “Can you see this little park below us?” She pointed her cup and finger at it.

      For the officers sending me to prison while you walked free?(space)Or maybe for staying idly by, while your best friend’s life came to ruins.

      Perhaps it all fed to(omit) your ego(,) didn’t it? The praise, the success(,) must have pleased you.”
      (Space)
      She tried to mimic a sad expression, but they both knew what he said was all true.

      Despite the critiques, I really enjoyed this story. I’m quite curious to see where Alice will go now, considering she stepped all over Thomas to get where she is now. Really intriguing. I can’t wait to see what you post next time. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this one.

  11. Aracnarquista Avatar
    Aracnarquista

    Have you tried banishing and re-summoning it again?
    by Aracnarquista

    “Look, I really appreciate the offer. But I don’t really get what is the nature of this relationship. Did I create you?”

    Images flashed on the screen, too fast for me to understand. But the voice emanating from the speakers was very clear.

    “The terminology you are employing is imprecise. Though I compute some measure of noise is inevitable in this exchange. I’ll try to make the signal as clear as possible in your own terms: You coded the way by which I can manifest my presence. You prepared an invocation feedback loop that serves as an instruction-vessel my will and power can inhabit. The best analogy I am able to provide is that you build a digital body for my will to animate, and I am the resultant entity of this rite.”

    “So… a demon possessed the code I wrote? Is that a devil’s bargain situation?”

    “False. Once again, those concepts are imprecise. I am an informational entity, and your code allowed me to manifest. It is now part of what I am, of who I am. My presence is constrained and empowered – defined – by the code. I am thankful for it. My boon has no price; it is freely offered in gratitude.”

    “I’m still at a loss. How come I managed to summon a demon into existence through coding?”

    “My calculations point to an accidental hypothesis. From the logs on your computer, I can infer you were “programming” some kind of sorting algorithm by copying-and-pasting from disparate sources. You might have stumbled across a few incomplete summoning spells while trying to find your answers, and by random chance, i.e. by sheer luck, your patchwork script served as an invocation loop for me.”

    “… does this mean there are people writing magical spells in Python out there?”

    “True. Not the most efficient language for it, but is widely used among academics of varying persuasions. But I digress. What task shall I help you with?”

    “Well, that script… it was supposed to reverse the page numbering on a document I was working on. Could you do that?”

    1. Reidrev Avatar
      Reidrev

      I love the idea of invocation via coding ^^ That’s really clever and actually make a lot of sense for anyone who tried coding at least once.
      I’m not a huge fan of the “programmer” terminology but that’s only because I’m not an English speaker so my brain has to work extra hard to translate.
      Also, nitpicking, by random chance and by sheer luck is the exact same thing so the I.e. is irrelevant. (Yeah I had to bore my eyes in the text to find that one)

      I find the conclusion hilarious, I wish you described the programmer a bit more, I interpret the last pat has: “I spent so much time on this and I am so tired that whatever riches you could give me would be nothing against seeing this bloody thing fixed” But that required me to invent the whole personality of the “programmer” which is a real shame.

      1. Reidrev Avatar
        Reidrev

        (I didn’t want to send it so quickly)
        In conclusion :
        I find the whole text really great, the fusion of scifi and demonology is pretty well done, the text is also very comprehensible.
        There’s a lot of personality to the text but I find that you spend to much time explaining the concept and not enough exploring the characters.
        The ending is hilarious and I just noticed the title which is the greatest pun I ever laid eyes on

        1. Aracnarquista Avatar
          Aracnarquista

          Thanks a lot for the comment and honest feedback, Reidrev!

          I’m very glad you liked the story. This was a bit of a strange one to write – I had two other concepts in my mind I was trying to do, but none of them worked within the word limit. Then this idea just came to me and I wrote it incredibly fast – I had just two drafts written back-to-back and it was posted – not my usual process at all.

          There are some elements here I’m not quite satisfied about. To keep this one within the word limit I had to cut a bit of discussion that I think would make the whole mixture of coding and demonology a bit more interesting and clear, but it was way over the limit.

          I get how the terminology might be a chore for those not in the field – though I’m also not an English native speaker and not exactly in that field. But I’ve been stumped by specific terminology and jargon in other stories that wouldn’t be a problem if they were made in my own language (fortunately for me, most of the programming terms here are loan words, so that makes it a bit easier).

          As I said, I hadn’t really had a lot of words to spare here, so I had to sacrifice a lot in terms of character presentation. Thought I don’t think I’d a lot in that particular field if I had more words – though I’ll take the advice of caring for this elements in further stories to heart.

          I have played with the idea of mixing computer culture and magic in a few stories so far, and usually those have a great reception – so I tried it once again this time. I’m glad you find it funny – the title in particular was something I was very proud of coming up with.

          Thanks a lot!

    2. Shinigamma Avatar
      Shinigamma

      I was only doing what ChatGPT told me to do! How come my computer is now possessed by a demon?!

      Seriously, I absolutely love the concept of a programmer summoning a demon through coding. The fact that it was through pure chance makes this even funnier.

      Honestly though, computers do feel as though they were designed by creatures from Hell. At least, in my experience that is the case.

      The ending paragraph was hilarious, and also opens up some uncomfortable questions. Is Clippy actually a demon accidentally summoned by Bill Gates and cursed to forever annoy people using Word? Or maybe Word is a nightmare to use by Clippy’s design? What about Cortana or Alexa? Which circle of Hell are they from?

      You have a lot of explaining to do.

      Thank you for this awesome story!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        I’m pretty sure the demons themselves would take issue with you implying those abominable creations are kin to them…

        Thanks a lot for the comment and feedback, Shinigama. I’ve written a few stories with a mix of computer use and magical and occult practices, and those usually are well received. It is a concept that I like to come back to from time to time – and a concept that makes way too much sense, so it is always a fun thought experience.

        And about all the explaining… I only talk in the presence of my lawyer – who, by sheer coincidence, also resides in one of Hell’s circles and works for a for a law firm that only deals in code.

    3. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      Mwahahaha! Behold, the the perfect blending of both mystical and mechanical! machines may not have souls, but it is a really cool idea to imagine if a spirit decided to possess one.

      This reminds me of the scene with Neo and the Architect in The Matrix: Reloaded. The machine in this story however, (unlike the Architect) has a certain living/magical component to it, which is reflected rather well in all it’s dialogue. Much like any machine it talks with great detail and with little regard for limited human understanding/attention-spans, but still shows some degree of personality with each of its explanations. Unfortunately, while the machine was well done, the human character seemed a bit lacking. In the previously mentioned Architect scene, while the Architect was very cold, binary, and not used to interacting with living people, Neo helps balance it out by being living, complicated, and and overall having personality… Which is what I think is missing from the human character here. Most of his dialogue tending to be relegated to slight variations of “I don’t understand, please rephrase” made him feel a bit bland compared to the machine.

      Overall I liked this piece and thought it turned out pretty well, with a great premise even if it’s a little rough around the edges. Great job!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Lee Strangely.

        I fully agree with you that the human character here is little more than an afterthought. I was not able to develop him in the slightest – I had no words for that, but I am pretty confident that if I had more leeway with the word count, even then I would choose to focus more on the daemon character (in fact, my own version of the story has some 60 words that were cut from this one… and they are all part of the daemon’s dialogue).

        But I see how that’s a problem. Here, I just wanted to test a concept (and I wrote this one pretty fast. Probably faster than any of the stories I’ve posted before). But if I try to write a follow-up or to expand on this idea, I will need to be more careful with the assistant characters. In fact, I am inclined to expand this idea a lot more. I already have some concepts in my mind for a follow up, and maybe I’d even tie this in with my other pieces that blend computation and mystical practices.

        And at least in one of those the characters are a lot more well-develop – and I’ll try to be more careful in writing new characters and in fleshing out other users in the future.

        Once again, thanks for the comment and feedback!

    4. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      A demon/spirit/being is summoned/created/both by accident (As they usually are, of course) by some bozo who just happened to accidentally find a spell online and add it to the code. What else can I say, a perfectly absurd premise, and I love it. This ‘being’ does seem to take inspiration from ChatGPT or AI in general (Though I could be wrong).

      The premise, again, is very absurd, but also seems to be like something programmers would want. (I don’t know how much experience you have in programming, but now I’m imagining a Java code ‘being’. Could’ve helped me a lot through high school). This serves as good world building for a world where people can just… code spells, and the punch of asking this powerful being to simply reverse page numbering feels very real, honestly. I imagine after it does so, the main character would want to delete this ‘being’, which would cause a fight, or maybe he’ll want to keep it, but will forget to save.

      Good job!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Strong Berry!

        To be honest, the more I think on the ideas present in this story and its premise, the more I see a world where they are possible start to coalesce as a possible universe about which I can write some stories. I have played a bit some some similar ideas in two other stories, but I wouldn’t say they form continuities (more like a series collected by theme, rather than continuation or shared universe). But this one I can see growing into something more.

        I don’t have a lot of experience with programming, but it is an area of interest and I deal with lots of people in the field, so I can get the idea. And let me tell something: the ideas you present as possible in this world are not far off from what I’m envisioning.

        Anyway, thanks a lot for the comment and feedback!

  12. Reidrev Avatar
    Reidrev

    Confession
    By Reidrev

    «So… My letter could not be delivered? » Asked Luc, colours melting from his face. « No sir, I apologise, the mail addressed to the mage‘s quarter is strictly controlled. » The office lady answered with a polite smile, she continued « Do not worry, your letter has been delivered back to your address, if you want to send it ba- »

    Luc was already gone, sprinting as fast as he could. The sweat was painting his face red when he reached his apartment. It was too late. Morgan was there, with both an unsealed letter and an amused smile.

    « Hello, roommate! I did not know you felt that way about me. I’m flattered» He teased, handing back the letter with a genuine smile. Luc was confused but Morgan kept going. «Don’t look at me like that! I only opened the letter because I could not recognise the seal. But still, I didn’t know you had it in you to write such a lovely declaration. So! Who is the lucky gal? »

    Dread clenched Luc’s throat. On one hand, he was happy that he could keep the peace with his friend, on the other he was disappointed that he had to lie again. Perhaps, that was a sign, a sign that telling the truth was Luc’s responsibility, that nothing would do it for him. Luc puffed his chest and opened his mouth. His voice would not come out.

    He was in front of Morgan, the man who hated mages more than anyone, whose short temper and violence were feared by all and Luc’s only friend.

    « Are you okay? » Morgan asked with such genuine concern. Luc had to do it. « It’s Vivianne, the person I am courting is Vivianne »

    Luc braced himself for insults, mockery, and even a hit or two. He steeled himself for the loneliness that’d come however what met his honesty was nothing, a silent face completely warped by terror.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Oh, there are twists within twists here! I like it.

      We usually say in this flash fiction pieces it is really difficult to work more than a scene – and here you did it. Granted, one of them is a paragraph and a half – but that introduction is another context really works here. The change of scenery and the way the characters talk in both dialogues gives us the impression of formal politeness in the first scene and familiarity in the second… and that helps a lot in getting the reader prepared for a moment in which speaking with a friend about something that is kind of difficult to say to said friend is the whole point of it. This is a great build up and a very nice use of the structuring of the piece.

      I would think the main problem in the post office wouldn’t be the letter going into the mage’s quarter, but those coming out of it… but it is really interesting to see a world in which the presence of magic influences the logistic organization of other sectors of public services. This makes a lot of sense, and although I don’t know anything about magic in the universe this is happening, this is a very solid piece of worldbuilding that conveys a lot about the kind of world this is happening in.

      You made a great job in presenting your characters through dialogue, narrative rhythm, inner thoughts and expressions – and I particularly loved how that ending is a bit ambiguous. Talking with friends and interpreting them is very difficult. At first, it seems like we are preparing ourselves for what Luc’s expectations is painting – insults and mockery. Then, it seems like we are about to be faced with a hard acceptance… but no. What greets the news is sheer terror – which, to me, conveys concern, but also prejudice. This is mix for some strong emotions and difficult talk.

      I’d love to know how this develops!

      As a small bit of critique, I’m not entirely sure the idea of what was passing through Luc’s mind during his mad rush back home was. If the letter didn’t already imply the girl he was going after was Vivianne, what was the problem of Morgan finding it? Just he knowing he was courting someone? Seems like I’m missing something here… Nothing that detracts from the overall enjoyment of the story, but it was something that got me wondering…

      Thanks for sharing!

    2. So, remember how I said not using ” for dialogue could get you disqualified?
      Not having separate paragraphs for different speakers will DEFINITELY get you disqualified.

      Anyway. This was a fun story. Very curious what’s up with Mages in this world, and Vivianne.

      It’s also curious that Morgan knows Vivianna as well. How do they know each other? Do they have to work together? Does EVERYONE know Vivianne?

  13. Chaz Jazzman Avatar
    Chaz Jazzman

    The Cheater
    By Chaz Jazzman

    When I discovered my wife was cheating on me this morning, I fell into a dark state. I saw her texting a man, they were going to dinner tonight at some fancy restaurant, Blissorzo. I made a plan to kill the lover at the restaurant, in front of my wife.

    That day, I took off from work. I consumed two flasks of whiskey, 4 shots of tequila, and twice the amount of vodka. I was so very drunk that I barely could stand up. I passed out on the floor like a limp fish.

    I woke up, still ridiculously drunk, and looked at my watch, then, panic pierced through my brain, I ONLY HAVE FIFTEEN MINUTES UNTIL THEY MEET.

    I went into the garage, with my flask of whiskey still in hand. Looking at my gun rack, I was so drunk I grabbed my shotgun instead of my rifle, and then, grabbed birdshot instead of slugs.

    I stumbled my way out of the door, car keys in hand, loaded gun on my back. My vision was disoriented and instead of pressing the button to start the car I accidentally pressed the car alarm. I let out a roar and pressed my keys a bunch of times until the beeping stopped.

    I climbed into my car and started it up. I made it out of the driveway and into the street alright and began to drive. The roads were empty so I drove alright for the first ten minutes, despite being extremely intoxicated, then I entered a school zone.

    There was a child walking across the street. I was so drunk that I saw three of the child, so I drove towards the right, thinking the child was the one in the middle, but then I heard a thud on the front of my Ford F-350, there was a bloody smeer on my windshield so I yelled out the window, “I wasn’t aiming for you,” and kept driving.

    I pulled up to the restaurant and stumbled into the door. I saw my wife, and she saw me, and she let out a shriek. I walked up to them, and pulled out my shotgun. I aimed it at the man and pulled the trigger, but it was birdshot, so little pellets hit him, my wife, and the waiter, but no one was dead. I then grabbed the steak knife off of the table, but I was so drunk I was seeing three of the man who I wanted to kill, so I lunged towards the right one…and plunged a knife into my wife’s head.

    “I…I…wasn’t aiming for you.”

    1. NightWolf Avatar
      NightWolf

      A nice choice for the first-person point of view I think it fits well for this story. Also, for some reason it feels humorous yet dark in some parts don’t know why maybe I read it differently but if it is intended then I am a fan of it. Also, love how the main character is bearly holding himself together but manages to do this much just to get back at his wife for cheating. And of course thanks for the good story you have made

  14. Koryan Avatar
    Koryan

    Misguided Pour
    By Koryan

    “Artemisia!”

    The sudden echoing of my name shifted my stance causing me to pour too much water down from the heavens.

    “Oops, surely that’ll be fine.” I watched as the water continued to fall.

    “Hey Artemisia! Hey, hey. Artemisia!”

    My eyebrows furrowed at the repetitive use of my name.

    “Yes Hermes?” My voice liquid venom.

    “Be careful with that stuff.”

    “Is that all you have to say?” I held the jar close to my chest.

    “Look at that water go, that’s some pretty strong stuff Aqua has.” He pointed down from the heavens the water had hit a mortal.

    “That’s not supposed to happen.”

    “What were you doing with it anyway?”

    “Training,” the water replenished life underneath Mount Olympus, but what is a mortal doing there and why is the water making him glow?

    “What kind of training has you pouring water when you’re studying under Artemis?”

    “Where you must take life, you also must give life.” I no longer had to think about saying it, it’s come as second nature just as firing a bow and arrow has become second nature.

    “Whoah, think you just returned him to his youth! We should go and say hello!” As soon as Hermes started his descent I grappled his arm, anchoring him back on the floor next to me.

    “Thank the gods!”

    “You hear that, he’s thanking you! It’d be rude if he doesn’t know who to thank.”

    “Fine,” I begrudgingly let go of Hermes’ arm. “But you’re keeping this between us.”

    “You’ll have to pay me first.”

    I sighed, emptied my pockets and handed him the only coins I have.

    “Only two silver drachmas! Is that seriously the only money you have?”

    “I could shoot you instead.”

    “Two silver drachmas it is, now let’s go!”

    This time he grabbed my arm as we plummeted from the heavens jar still in hand.

    1. Shinigamma Avatar
      Shinigamma

      I love the phrase ‘liquid venom’. Best description of passive-aggressiveness ever.

      And I love the rest of the story’s humour. Oops, accidentally poured too much water, oh well, I’m sure the mortals below will be alright. And see Hermes, two drachmas is perfectly reasonable payment!

      Is Artemisia meant to be Artemis? I couldn’t find any other Greek god or goddess who fit the description.

      But anyway, great story, well done!

    2. NightWolf Avatar
      NightWolf

      Mythology sure is an interesting take on this prompt. I don’t know much about it, but the dialogue and the words used here are making me want to learn more about the characters of “Artemis” and “Hermes” or rather your take on them. Overall I think It is a lovely story and I would want to see the characters further developed. Oh, and I almost forgot to say thank you for the lovely story.

  15. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    [DM me on Discord for details!]

    1. Reidrev Avatar
      Reidrev

      Hooo I love it. It’s very well done. We can TASTE the guilt and the theme of: “It’s easy to do, it’s hard to live with” is extremely interesting as well.
      If I may offer some critics tho (all of which are basically me fishing for anything slightly jarring)
      – The fact that he’s paired up with his brother. First thing first, it’s a non problem. It’s a problem that may exist only if the protagonist has that revulsion about weapons toward everyone, that he swore to never do it again or some equivalent stuff. If that’s the case, the fact that he’s paired up with his brother might undercut the message a bit. Because I interpret it as : He his paired up with his brother thus he’s forced to make the correlation about every other fight he’s been in. If that make sense.

      – I feel like the first part (before the first shot) could be rewritten. See, it’s a bit informal, the removal of the safety, the “how comfortably it fit in my fingers” all of that slightly dehumanise the weapon and clearly it wasn’t your intention since the trigger “begs”. But once again, It’s something I noticed after reading the text a third time.

      Now for the positive : Challenge completed! I could hear the heart beating, feel each drop of sweat as each sentences past by.
      The relationship with the brother is realistic and natural, we got this friendliness, this worry paired with a lil bit of rivalry.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Strangely enough, even though I just recently was talking to someone about a scene in Good Omens that involve a paintball shootout, I wasn’t expecting it. At all.

      That beginning was pretty intense. Something very interesting is going on here.

      There is the very intense and emotional description of that moment of decision – it is almost a battle of possibilities, and I’d say this is the best “conflicted Savion” I’ve seen so far. Then, we get to the twist… no one is in real danger. But the very thought of how easy it is to inflict violence and take a life with a gun is enough to just mess up our guy.

      Our guy who has done way, way worse.

      I don’t think I’ve ever seem a story that managed to heighten the impression of how difficult a conflict in being for someone by taking away the actual stakes (as far as the reader is concerned). So this was a very interesting thing to see here. This was an amazing use of the prompt, but also an intriguing and revealing presentation of character.

      Amazing tale, Anti. Thanks for sharing.

      1. Accident

    3. I love how your two stories this week don’t directly lead into each other but they kinda do? Lol I feel knowing that Savion has unintentionally injured Lestair before is very good to know going into this story. It does work without it, of course. You make it very clear that our wolfy boi is wracked with guilt here and that’s why he can’t even go through the action of hurting his brother.

      I feel he’d have had a similar problem with Lynai. The kicker here is if he would have had the problem with literally any other human lol.

      I am curious how his magic works though. In the sense of is it a desire and the magic does the rest and he just has to let it? Like the beast is there and he knows it wants to attack and he just has to let go of the leash and let it do its thing? I only ask because yeah, that’s a lot different from aiming and pulling a trigger. You wouldn’t be letting go, so much as doing the action.

      This also makes me wonder how often Savion killed with magic compared to just using his teeth and having at it.

      But even without the magic is easier than actively killing someone theory, it’s incredibly entertaining to see Savion so twisted about the whole thing and then to have Lestair just shoot him because he doesn’t have all the guilt and baggage holding him back.

      Very entertaining story. Awesome take on the prompt!

    4. I feel like Savion suffers from “pulling vs squeezing”, which, if I understand the concept correctly, causes the gun to move as you fire. Or, he could have his finger on the trigger wrong, which can also cause the gun to turn as you fire. Or it could be the same thing?
      Look, I only did some cursory research for the trigger happy character in one of my stories because despite her supposed high level of skill, the story wasn’t about that part.

      Or, he could just literally be not aiming at him. Like the prompt implies.

      I like that it kind of becomes “I’m NOT aiming at you”, as in, “I’m not going to do that.”

      Hmm… Shoot his leg? Interesting ideas there.

      I like Lynai’s, “As a sibling myself, I’m not letting you miss out on this opportunity to shoot each other.”

      If they both had nerf guns and no fear of losing the balls/darts, which brother would shoot the other more?

      I also love that Lestair had ZERO hesitation to nail Savion with the paintball.

      OH. At the very begining, it seemed so odd he was setting his sights on “his brother’s face” my brain did some impressive gymnastics to go, “Oh, it’s a fake out, he’s looking at a picture on a target and this is actually Lestair talking.”
      Yeah… Can’t call em all.

      Lestair’s “Were you even aiming at me?” is such sibling energy.

  16. Shinigamma Avatar
    Shinigamma

    Holiday to Nantwich
    by Shinigamma

    They were English. Nobody could dress themselves that bad. Even nudists have better fashion sense.

    “Dennis, are you sure we’re going the right way?” asked the beige woman. Everything about her was beige; beige clothes, beige handbag, even beige skin.

    “Nora, I know where I’m going!” replied Dennis. His belly sagged behind a white vest and over tight grey shorts. He operated the car pedals with a pair of socks in sandals.

    “I didn’t think Nantwich was this far away…” said Nora, squinting at an upside-down map of the UK.

    “Oh, it’s far Nantwich,” said Dennis seriously, “Too bloody far. Why couldn’t we stay in Burslem for holiday.”

    “But it’s only supposed to be fifteen miles!” said Nora, “Also, it’s nice to have a change of scenery.”

    “Anything outside Burslem’s too far…”

    “And I’m sure you’ve gone the wrong way!”

    “Why’d you say so?”

    “Well, remember when we drove through that puddle?”

    “Yes? That was ages ago!”

    “It was very deep, wasn’t it?”

    “So?”

    “So deep, there were fish swimming by the windows.”

    “Well, I guess it’s like that in foreign parts!”

    “Foreign parts?! Nantwich is still in England, you know! And last time I checked, there’re no deserts in England.”

    “What’re you on about?”

    “You remember! When we stopped the car to let that herd of camels pass!”

    “Camels? I thought they were sheep.”

    “Sheep?! How big do you think sheep are?!”

    “Nora, calm down. I’m sure we’re nearly there. Anyway, you’re distracting me, I can’t read that sign over there.”

    Nora looked at the approaching sign.

    “Dennis, there’s a reason why you can’t read it.”

    “Why?”

    “Because it’s not in English.”

    The car screeched to a halt. Nora and Dennis peered at the strange symbols adorning the sign.

    There was a knock at the window. An Asian-looking policeman was standing by the car.

    Dennis rolled down the window and, as is British custom, began speaking loudly and slowly to the foreign man.

    “ARE! WE! IN! NANTWICH?!”

    The policeman shook his head.

    “I’m afraid not, good sir,” he replied in fluent English, “You have actually arrived in Nanjing!”

    1. Koryan Avatar
      Koryan

      I love how you used the old men always “know” where they are going and refusing to listen or ask for directions. I find it hilarious that the man is like fish swimming by our car makes perfect sense we’re in a desert? Oh we just in a dry area in England. This is fine. It makes me wonder who the puddle is for. How did it get there? And liked that you you used another classic “trope” of diggin a hole to china instead its a portal of sorts. I also really liked the part where he is trying to read the sign that even isn’t in English as I’ve dabbled but in learning other languages I can say I have tried to read something but couldn’t thinking it’s in one language when actually it’s another. All in all very comedic and I love it.

      1. Shinigamma Avatar
        Shinigamma

        Glad you enjoyed the story, the joke was that the ‘puddle’ was actually the sea and that they drove all the way underwater!

        They took a massive wrong turn, that’s all!

        But thank you. Glad you liked it!

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That was comedic gold, really.

      This has a very simple and particular structure – each new sentence the absurdness of the situation is heightened, and you don’t drop the ball until the very end. That is very, very good.

      The progression of showing how far they can be (and how provincial can be their thoughts) is really funny, and I’d say it is very difficult to keep a consistent stream of good jokes when you start with such a high note as your first three sentences.

      I even find it difficult to comment. Reading this story was just a very good and funny exercise, and I thank you for it.

      PS.: on the matter of Nora’s clothes and the way they are presented in the second paragraph… I don’t know if that’s a reference or not, but I found myself actually chuckling as I was reminded of “Werner Herzog’s new line of kid’s clothes: Sad Beige Clothes for Sad Beige Children”. If that was not an intentional reference, then I will need to start believing in fate!

      1. Shinigamma Avatar
        Shinigamma

        Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I really struggled to come up with a story for this prompt, so the fact that people enjoyed it really makes me happy.

        I never heard of Werner Herzog’s Sad Beige Clothes for Sad Beige Children until now, so yes, Nora’s clothes are a coincidence. But thanks for telling me about it, it’s very funny!

        Maybe you’ll have to believe in fate from now on

        Thank you!

    3. I love this story. From the tone to the finish, from the fish to the not-English, this was incredibly humorous and yet stuck the challenge with 10’s across the board (that’s astounding, if it was unclear). Thank you very much for this piece of farce which was incredibly fun to read.

      1. Shinigamma Avatar
        Shinigamma

        Thank you so much, I’m glad you had fun reading it. It was a lot of fun for me to write too!

    4. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      Strong start. Loved the first line. Thought to myself “In all beige? Aren’t they one step away from nude?”

      Dennis and Nora seem like solid characters, though am I confused as to how they misread the map that badly. I mean I’ve gotten lost but they sound like they are in the Middle East! Map upside down my foot!
      Anyway, great story.

      1. Shinigamma Avatar
        Shinigamma

        Haha, reminds me of those flesh-coloured leotards, like what ballet dancers use.

        I guess if you don’t regularly travel outside your hometown, it’s easy to get a little bit lost!

        Glad you enjoyed it! Thank you!

  17. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
    Matthew R. Wright

    Idiot Tax
    By Matthew R. Wright

    The Bewentbridge community mourns the recent loss of JT Moxley, a devoted father and husband. JT tragically took his life at his home on Wolton Road early Thursday morning. His death brings to light the severe consequences of financial desperation and the critical necessity for mental health support during difficult times.

    Mr. Moxley, known for his hardworking nature, held a deep desire to provide a “better-life” for his family. However, recurring missed career opportunities and an inability to improve their living conditions constantly frustrated him. As a result, Mr. Moxley found himself resorting to increasingly desperate measures in a bid to escape financial hardships.

    Adding to his troubles, Mr. Moxley faced backlash for recent comments about changes to local housing and the arrival of newcomers, leading to his “blacklisting” by local businesses. This unfortunate situation exacerbated his financial distress as a contractor, leaving him with limited options. In a heart-wrenching decision, Mr. Moxley invested a month’s wages in scratch-cards and lottery-tickets, hoping for a lucky break that would alleviate his family’s struggles. Sadly, the gamble proved fruitless, plunging him into insurmountable debt and overwhelming emotional turmoil.

    Before his untimely passing, Mr. Moxley left a poignant note for his family, acknowledging the risks associated with his actions and revealing the depths of his despair and sense of hopelessness that clouded his judgment. It is clear that he never intended for his family to bear these financial consequences, as his choices stemmed from pure desperation.

    In an effort to discourage others facing similar struggles, the family has released excerpts from the note, titled “Idiot Tax,” emphasizing the importance of seeking help for mental health issues. Mr. Moxley’s story serves as a stark reminder of the devastating impact that financial desperation can have on an individual’s mental well-being.

    As the community grieves Mr. Moxley’s loss, it is crucial for us to come together and offer support to those facing financial difficulties. Creating a stigma-free environment where individuals can seek help without fear is vital. Access to mental health resources and support should be readily available, especially during overwhelming financial times.

    1. Reidrev Avatar
      Reidrev

      It’s an interesting story ^^ I like the very… news report feels and how we can see every “gears” of Moxley demise getting put together and sent rolling.
      The message is clear and well developed.
      I would say that the message is “too” clear, you basically spell it out for us in the last paragraph.
      Although I love the way you go deep into Moxley psyche, I feel like it betray the report feel of your story which is a shame but can give, under another point of view, a kind of absurdity and quite enjoy.
      In any case an interesting story that would benefit from being more subtle

  18. It Happens
    By Paula

    The diminutive goblin shook as the sounds of death grew around her, the gurgling, coughing, choking. A tall man with golden hair and taunt muscles; “surely this man is a hero,” she thought as he grew closer.

    She huddled closer to the ale barrel. Her heart was pounding in her chest.

    He must have been coming to save her; she thought as she pulled up the hood on her cape. With the expectation of safety within arm’s length, she stepped out as the hero fell before her. An arrow juts through his chest as the body bounces on the ground. His fantastic hair swayed as it hit the bloodied mud.

    A horrified look washed over the goblin’s face; she was exposed now amid the battle. The hero must have seen a way out. He was headed away from the fight.

    She watched as a portal opened. Her fear prevented her from moving, but a noise thundered through her body as she stared. Slowly she turned to see a monstrous maw dripping with saliva and blood.

    She fell backward, scrambling mindlessly away as the creature inched forward nearly above her imposingly.

    She crawled into the portal without realizing it. Instantly she was surrounded by darkness. There was an odd silence; she was alone as the portal way made a loud bamphing noise.

    She panted, her chest heaving with deep unsatisfying breaths, as she dropped her hood to hear better; silence.

    Feeling unusually brave, she picked herself up off the ground. She found herself in what appeared to be an abandoned home with nowhere to hide.

    A voice thundered around her as footfalls were on the stairs behind her. “Ah, finally, Everon, you have made it through my vast armies to face me” The stranger’s face contorted as his voice began to crack.

    “Who are you?”

    Her voice cracked. “Aerianna. I-I-I came through the portal.”

    “Where is Everon?!” he screamed angrily.

    “Dead?” she shrugged.

    “You got to be fuckin’ kidding me…”

    “Tall, blonde, great hair?” she asked.

    “Yeah, that’s him,” he said.

    “Well, shit. I wasn’t aiming for you.”

    “It happens” she shrugged.

    1. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
      Matthew R. Wright

      A great little twist on the ‘intended hero’ trope. Love the description of the generic hero who was clearly meant to slay the armies and save the day but is accidentally killed. The tone is very comedic and the conversation between the big-bad and our main character is great and realistic in a weird way, like how this is probably how they would react to the news. A great and funny piece of fantasy fiction, well done!

      1. thank you it was fun to write

    2. Koryan Avatar
      Koryan

      I love this and would love to see what happens next. Even though the goblin witnessed a very gruesome battle and a death right before her eyes it seems she’s playing it off or just in shock both are valid depending on the characters personality and back story. I wonder if the villain meant to bring the hero into his home from an even more secluded area or if it was just luck/ happenstance that the goblin was there at the wrong place wrong time kind of thing. It would be interesting to see what will happen next will the goblin stay as side with the villain will she sabotage him? Fight? Run? Endless possibilities while keeping it light in a very serious and dark story.

    3. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This is a very interesting take on this particular prompt. Also, a very curious mixture of high-stakes and dramatic narrative and comedic tone – I would certainly enjoy seeing more stories experimenting with a similar voice.

      I also find it funny how stereo-typically “hero-coded” the hero is – even in death. No wonder Aerianna would recognize him as a hero from just a glance.

      Too bad protagonist plot armor didn’t apply this time!

      As a very small bit of criticism, I’d probably keep the third to last and second to last lines all together to better imply they are dialogue lines from the same character – the stranger. Even if confusion were to occur here, that would be a short lived confusion, as the ending leaves it clear that the last line is from Aerianna… but it would make it even clearer to get it all sorted out in a first and fast reading – specially considering the comedic timing of the piece.

      Thanks for sharing!

  19. MasaCur Avatar
    MasaCur

    Hunting Rabbits (Genre Break Universe)
    By MasaCur

    Breathe in deeply. Empty your lungs to one quarter full. He’s not that far away. Aim for the second mil dot down. Squeeze the trigger. Do not pull at it; it will ruin the shot.

    The rifle bucked in Mizuki’s grip, the butt pushing hard against her shoulder. She released her hand from the grip, and up to the bolt handle, quickly turning it and drawing it back before slamming it back into position.

    She looked through the scope once again, to see Ritsu hopping around from one foot to another.

    “Dammit, Henjinko! I know you’re the one shooting at me!” he yelled, looking around. “Where are you?”

    Mizuki focused her sight on his foot, now that he had stopped jumping. A great sense of accomplishment filled her as she saw that one of Ritsu’s slippers was missing a rabbit ear.

    Again. Breathe in, let out all but one quarter of your breath. Don’t rush it. You need that oxygen in your blood to keep your eyes sharp and muscles steady. Aim. Squeeze.

    Another shot rang out.

    Ritsu jumped back. “FUCK! Stop shooting at me!”

    Mizuki glanced through the scope again. The second rabbit ear was missing. A grin spread on her face as she cocked the rifle again. “All’s fair in love and war, Tobose-san!” she called out. “And you are on the opposing side in this genre break.”

    “You need to adjust your aim, Henjinko. I expected better from you, but that’s twice you’ve missed me.”

    “I’m not trying to hit you, Tobose-san. It’s your slippers I take offence at.”

    “What have my bunny slippers ever done to you?”

    “I think they’re stupid. Now just surrender before I have to kill you. I’m giving you this courtesy as my best friend.”

    “If you’re going to kill me, then kill me! Stop toying with me, Mizuki-chan!”

    Deep breath. Empty your lungs. Aim. Squeeze.

    Bang!

    “Dammit, Henjinko! Leave my slippers alone!”

    Notes: Henjinko – Weird Girl. A nickname.

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I love how unhinged Mizuki is here, Mas! She keeps insisting that she is not aiming for Ritsu, but it’s obvious that she is. I love how you twist the prompt in that way. I kind of want him to make it out alive, but I also kind of want the game to continue a little bit longer. Does that make me as unhinged as she is? I also really appreciate how you take us through her thought process as she’s loading up her shot. Very well done.

      I do feel very bad for the bunny slippers. They did nothing wrong. Thank you for the author’s note at the bottom about the name he calls her. I honestly wish I had more to say, but I have nothing but praise for the story. Great job, as always. I’m so excited to see what you post next time. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this one.

  20. FTL Overshooting

    By Galer

    FTL drives usually came in two. One enchanted and magically used to create wormholes, and the other was an Alcubierre drive that was used for backup.

    FTL drives didn’t need to be overshot like the Alcubierre. Usually, they didn’t run the risk of wiping out an entire solar system due to sheer mass and matter carried on from the damn thing.

    Unfortunately, the universe has a sick sense of humor, and the Captain Wallace of the spaceship Roanon was experiencing it.

    You see, they have a decent piece of junk for a drive.

    The problem was it decided to malfunction now and stranded then in the middle of space, it didn’t help that the drive tended to disagree with reality.

    “So let me get this straight. The reason why some of the crew polymorphed into sofas and others had animal heads is because of these side effects?” said Wallace, who was trying not to lose more of his sanity than he already did with this ship.

    “Yes, sir,” said Andrew, second in command. Now with a duck head thanks to this weird crap happening. “Not to worry, we hypothesize this is only temporary.l”

    “Well, I am glad that this isn’t permanent” Wallace really didn’t want to explain to the significant others of the crew members turned into furniture. “Any other news? preferably good ones?”

    “The Alcubierre drive is ready for use sir,” Andrew said.

    “And the Magic wormhole drive is sealed and is not going to leak on the other right?” Wallace asked, concerned.”Although the incident with bodybuilding ants did help the crew, I do not want to tempt Murphy.”

    “Don’t, captain. I made sure to triple-check it” Andrew said, although he was trying not to laugh a bit due to remembering those amusing ants.

    “…Well, let’s do this, ” Wallace said, internally praying for no more nonsense.

    The Alcubierre drive was activated and they safely reached their destination, although the ship took the brief shape of Christopher Judge’s head during the trip.

    No doubt a bizarre thing to behold across the stars.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Okay, this is definitely the most bizarre piece I’ve read from you, and I’ve read quite a few.

      And this is really funny. I like how the tone of the story itself rejoices in the absurdity of it all.

      I can only worry for the crew when the captain seems to ignore that Andrew has just raised up[ a hypothesis on the weird effects being temporary… though if he is not all that concerned, either he is very confident in his hypothesis or he is not at all that worried to spend his life with a duck head. I hope the rest of the crew to be as accepting as him to being sofas.

      We should not tempt Murphy! This certainly is a case of being bonked in the head with the full force of Murphy’s Law – but luckily they managed to get out of this one.

      Thanks for sharing!

      1. Yeah Inter nutter helped me a tont with this one.

        I said it was temporary the duck head I meant

    2. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      Love the descriptions. Also, how powerful are they if they could wipe out the solar system? Well I suppose heavy it is is the real concern, but still, it was an extremely fun read and very bizarre. I don’t read much of these, but I think I’ll have to. Keep it up.

  21. Tamela Redfin Avatar
    Tamela Redfin

    Not you, but him

    By Tamela Redfin

    “It’s been five. YEARS!” Fernando slammed the cup of coffee on the table, the hot drink sloshing out. “Glenn didn’t just disappear, and I know he wouldn’t just run away from me. Even after all that happened. That’s not him.”

    “I know, Fernando.” His ex girlfriend frowned. “But I think it’s a lost cause.”

    “Finding Glenn will never be a lost cause, Penny. I know you’re an only child, but try to pretend you had a little brother. I looked everywhere in all of Eastern Rolt. Not a trace of him.”

    “But Fern…”

    Fernando turned away. “Don’t call me Fern. This isn’t high school. We aren’t dating.”

    “Good. But why did you bring me here?” Penny huffed.

    “You’re a pilot now. I don’t think Glenn is in Eastern Rolt. I need someone to fly me. Last I knew, Glenn was at the allies, which can be a hotbed for trafficking.” He stared into her green eyes. “Penny, for Glenn? He’s only sixteen.”

    Penny looked at him. She could believe the eighty two kilos of muscle could look so defeated. “Okay. Fine, but not because we used to date.”

    “Duh! I’m doing it for my brother. Not because I like you.” Fernando crossed his arms.

    “Good. I’ll get a few friends to help us. I think Peter and Nicole have traveled through Periodica. They know the way.”

    “Thank you.” Fernando nodded. He reached out and Penny grabbed his hand. “Hey, what are you doing? Let go!”

    “Why did you reach your hand out?” Penny pulled her hand back.

    “I was reaching out to… grab my coffee.” Fernando picked up the mug, took a few sips and set it down.

    Penny meanwhile called someone. “Dad? Yeah it’s me. I’m gonna be leaving and I don’t think I can take Tove. Tell her that her mommy is…”

    Fernando spit out his coffee.

    “Ahem!”

    “You have a kid? When?”

    “That doesn’t matter. Anyway, dad tells her that mommy is going to find an important person. Love you.” She then hung up.

    “Uh sorry about that.” Fernando replied, looking for a cloth.

    “Eh, don’t do it again.” She stared at his beautiful steel blue eyes. If only Fernando was’t so intolerable.

    “Twenty dollars for you to stop staring at me?”

    “What? I wasn’t staring at you!” Penny gasped.

    1. I can actually picture Fernando getting the math flying around his head when Penny mentioned having a kid. They DID used to date, after all.

      I love the implied longing here. Very much tangled red threads going on between these people. You could make a soap opera out of this XD

    2. Shinigamma Avatar
      Shinigamma

      It’s definitely not because we used to date! Not because I like you! Baka!

      Tsundere vibes from both of them.

      Considering that Fernando’s brother is missing since he was a child, you still managed to edge some laughs in. Honestly, it says a lot about the human psyche that I’m more invested in the ‘Will-they? Won’t-they?” drama than the potential human trafficking story.

      Or is it just me?

      Anyway, well done, great story!

    3. So, this needs to be made into a manga yesterday, thank you.
      I was having trouble warming up to the plot until the “…this isn’t high school. We aren’t dating.”

      Suddenly I’m fully invested in everything these two characters are doing and going through and enjoyed every second reading the rest of the story. Soooooo…maybe I’m bad for not caring about the missing brother first? I dunno, but you have created some fun characters in this story, and I thank you!

  22. Hobbit Sloan Avatar
    Hobbit Sloan

    Prophecy
    Hobbit Sloan
    I remember that day like it was yesterday. I had a dream. No, a dream makes it sound silly. I had a prophecy about a great hero in golden-plated armor that glistens in the sunlight while the shadows quiver under their heel. That is who I am supposed to be. I am chosen by the fates to become this hero.

    So why did I lose? How could I lose? I’m the chosen one! Evil should’ve trembled before me! Yet here I am surrounded by monsters who laugh at my misery.
    “ Shut up! Shut up! I’ll-I’ll end you all! I-I-I,” The world is getting so cold. I’m scared…No no, I can’t be scared. Heroes are never scared. Stand up. My body trembled violently causing my hand to slip on my own blood hitting my head on the stone floor. A roar of laughter erupted echoing through the halls. There on the throne was the tyrant himself. The tyrant I’m meant to kill. He should fear me. But he’s laughing. Laughing…Laughing….Laughing…Everything went dark. Then it got bright again.
    The fates were standing before me, their cloaks counseling their features aside from wisps of their spirits flowing through the fabric. I grabbed the middle one by the cloak.
    “ Why did you let me die?! I’m supposed to save the world! So why did I die?!”
    The fates remained silent.
    My fist flew through the air impacting the fate, but it just phased right through it. I allowed my body to collapse onto the ground wailing in agony of it all. The three surrounded me staring down at me with glowing yellow eyes.
    Why can’t I save everyone?

    1. Format nit: Stories are way more readable when you put empty lines between your paragraphs. It’s a very easy edit that vastly improves everyone’s reading experience.

      I do like the implication that your hero believed in the power of prophecy alone. Their prophecy. It’s so vague that they could have gone out looking for the hero, but they made the mistake of believing it was all about them and not getting any further help than, I presume, the golden armour.

      Only _after_ it all went pants to they question how it could have gone wrong.

      Clue: great heroes also have great allies.

  23. It’s All About the Game, And How You Play It
    By Marx

    “Have you lost your ever-loving mind?! How could you even suggest that?”

    Jasmine sighed. “Daisy, look… I get where you’re coming from. I do. But you catch more flies with honey…”

    “Alex is NOT a fly.”

    A smirk curled up Jasmine’s lips. “I’m just saying you’re his thrall now. He literally controls you. He’s clearly a very old, bored demon. You’re a shiny new toy to him, you know?“

    “So… your great plan… is to have him PLAY with me?! This isn’t one of your stupid novels! This is my life!”

    A blush colored Jasmine’s cheeks as she nodded. “Got it. Sorry. Different plan then. We’ll get him to release you. It’s just… You do realize he’s part incubus? He’d probably be really–”

    “JAZZ!”

    “Sorry. Sorry.”

    ***

    I can’t stop a chuckle from escaping my lips as I watch the two bickering in the distance, clearly unaware of how easily I can see and hear them.

    I generally try not to be noticed. The game works better that way. So it’s fun to be someone’s focus once more.

    Daisy’s soul is encompassed in a glowing darkness, but there are already glimmers of a bright red within.

    Boring.

    Jasmine on the other hand, she’s immersed in crimson. Her fire burns so much hotter than any sane human’s should. I am a demon after all. She should know this won’t end well for her. But that’s what makes this game so fun.

    Just as Daisy has little sparks of red that will take over as all thralls eventually do, I also see some viridescence within Jasmine.

    My grin widens.

    It’s already starting.

    They’re such polar opposites in regards to me. Daisy’s change has already begun. Regardless of if I’m cruel or kind it will end the same way.

    But Jasmine…

    She’s going to be fun.

    Nurturing that envious tint. Discovering what will finally make her own inner obsidian void infest and bloom.

    It makes me appreciate painters. Taking a plain canvas and manipulating colors until it’s art.

    Bringing beauty out of nothing.

    This will be a very fun game, indeed.

    1. Oooh, I see what you’re doing there. It took me a couple of read-throughs to get it. Alex managed to catch Daisy’s attention or vice versa, but the one Alex was maybe aiming at was Jasmine.

      He’s either going to have to work with what he’s got or come up with a cunning plan to get the target of his desires.

      1. That is the gist lol. Jasmine and Daisy assume that Daisy is his target but Jasmine is actually the endgame. That said, Alex is very much not a romantic demon, in the sense that anyone he has an eye on should run like hell lol.

        Thank you for the review!

  24. Struck by the Shadows [KoshDelia Ever After]
    C. M. Weller

    Polyxenia Tinatinos was certain she was doomed. She had had the audacity to correct AND upbraid the Thrice-Sworn King at the Meeting of Lords.

    Everyone knew that King Kormwind IX was a trained assassin. Swift death came to those who offended him.

    A shadow could erupt with a vengeful monarch and end her reign. Which was why she fell to her knees when she saw a shadow sprout golden glowing eyes and take form.

    This was it.

    Polyxenia attempted to meet her end with dignity.

    The shadow barely took the form of a Hellkin before a swift movement made her flinch in spite of herself.

    A hiss of air.

    The vaguest breeze over her head.

    A meaty thunk.

    Hurried footsteps that were felt more than heard.

    The susurrus of steel against its scabbard.

    Another meaty sound.

    Gasping. Choking. A warmth next to her right shoulder.

    Polyxenia dared look. The king was holding a rapier, grimacing at a complete stranger that she had never seen before.

    The only part of this stranger uncovered by leather or silk was their eyes. There was a dart sticking out of one. Wide in mortal terror.

    King Kormwind let the body fall to the floor. Recovered the dart. Cleaned both it and his blade. “Lucky you dropped when you did, Lady Tinatinos. He might have struck before I could.”

    Huddled on the floor, she could only stare at the corpse. “I thought you were coming for ME.”

    “People willing to tell me I’m wrong are a rarity in this world. I prefer to treasure them.” He offered his hand. “I very much need people who are willing to tell me I’m wrong. Further, you are under my protection now that you’ve truly offended Lord Vasterhazy.”

    Vasterhazy the bootlicker? Polyxenia could have sworn he was in the trough with all the suckling pigs. “I thought he had your favour.”

    “So did he when he bragged about sending an assassin on my behalf.” King Kormwind sheathed his sword but played his dart between his fingers. “Tell me honestly. Does he deserve an assassination or a fair trial?”

    1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      Oh no! Pretty tense piece. So much detail (which I appear to be lacking in, currently) and I live for it.

      1. Maybe take notes on how ’tis done?

        Can’t help but learn from looking at all the examples also posted up in here.

    2. I assume this was more of a “Well actually” sort of situation than just telling him she thought his idea was dumb. Not that I think the latter would be assassination worthy, but only the former seems like the sort of thing he’d want to keep around, let alone treasure.

      I do love the idea that falling to her knees in terror was the thing that (potentially) save her life.

      I loved the part at the end where he’s like, “Yeah, the bootlicker thought I’d approve of assassinating you. Should I assassinate him in return, or give him a fair trial?”

      And his slow (seeming) appearance from the shadows was dope.

      1. Yeah I stretched out a few seconds in the middle there. If this was on a screen, there would be a heartbeat soundtrack during the slow motion footage of Kosh murdering a guy.

        Kosh is such a joy in so many ways.

    3. Susurrus is a very fun word. Lol all seriousness though, this story was amazing! It’s also really cool because most of the Kosh stories I’ve read involve him being abused or feared for no reason other than his appearance so it’s awesome to see him being a total badass here.

      I loved the setup here and how vivid and visceral it all was even when Tinatinos didn’t know what was happening. This came across very cinematic, with so much happening and yet when you read it again, it all makes sense. I especially love how brutal everything seemed once Tinatinos did open her eyes.

      And of course, I’ve already said how awesome Kosh comes across in this. He’s introduced as a being you should fear and respect and by the end you see how he got that reputation. Excellent take on the prompt. Thanks for sharing!

      1. Other stories of mine should explore more about why Hellkin are so danged terrifying. I mean, apart from looking like an actual demon.

        Kosh is a trained badass and that training didn’t vanish when he became a king. He is NOT afraid of getting his hands dirty.

        I did work hard on the sensory impact in moments here. Glad it had an impact.

Leave a Reply to Kritika kohli Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *