Writing Group: A Proposition

Hello Scholars, Schemers, and Schmucks!

My dears, I have a proposition for you. I propose that we write good stories, about a great many things, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

A Proposition

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

All too often in fiction one character walks up to another with the simple words “I have a proposition for you” and either epicness or shenanigans ensue…or both. Propositions come in many forms, and can lead to both positive and negative results.

One area of life in which propositions are common is in business. Perhaps your character is a businessman who is offered a new opportunity to grow their business…but at the price of their soul. (Either by selling out, or by literally making a pact with a demon). Or perhaps they are an honest businessman, and refuse the proposal outright. Or maybe your group is a ragtag team of criminals, and are offered a proposition for a new and exciting crime.

Or maybe you want to write about a literal proposal. At dinner, one significant other says to the other “I propose we spend the rest of our lives together.” Or maybe it’s a proposal of marriage between kingdoms through a prince and princess. 

Not all proposals have to be shady. Your character could propose that their family goes to the beach that day. Or they could be sitting with their crush and propose a kiss. Or they could be sitting on the couch with their significant other and propose that they get a cat. 

This prompt is about a proposition, but the proposition doesn’t necessarily have to occur within the story itself. Perhaps your character is facing the consequences of accepting a certain proposal, and is reminiscing about that proposition within your story. Often characters (and real people) accept deals without knowing the full ramifications of the deal. 

Speaking of which…it could be a trick. Villains often make proposals without explaining all the rules. Your character might accept a ticket to a new country, not realizing that they will be a servant, or worse, in that new country. Or maybe it’s a little more overt: the villain’s proposal could be, essentially, “do what I want, or die.” Villains aren’t the only ones who make false proposals. Maybe a princess offers to marry the villain to buy the hero time to rescue the captives. Sometimes heroes try to weasel out of agreements and get everything they want too. 

Just because the prompt is about a proposition doesn’t mean your character has to accept the proposal either. One is made, that’s all we know. You could play around with how your character reacts, and whether or not they accept. Sometimes the most dramatic stories are those in which the hero vehemently rejects a certain proposal they know to be deceptive. 

For your challenge this week I propose that you play with the unexpected. Propositions often don’t go the way we think they will. Whether that’s through a trick, or loophole, or because we THINK we’re going to be tricked…when everything is actually perfectly legitimate. Keeping the audience on their toes and subverting their expectations can be a difficult thing to do. And while shock value is something that can indeed create the unexpected, I’m referring to something more difficult; crafting the story in such a way that we aren’t expecting the ending…but not just because it comes out of nowhere, rather because the truth is there the whole time, but we can’t see it. This is far more challenging in my mind. 

Remember, these challenges aren’t mandatory! They are meant to be a fun bonus if you’d like to have a little extra challenge. But, if you don’t want to use them, please don’t feel obligated to!

Now, tell me…do we have a deal?

—Kaylie

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least five stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

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    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
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  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
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Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

98 responses to “Writing Group: A Proposition”

  1. Reinkarnitor Avatar
    Reinkarnitor

    Because you said No

    by Reinkarnitor

    “I really have no time for you right now.”

    X was standing at his giant pin wall, where countless news articles, pictures and notes were confusingly hung up and seemingly randomly connected to each other by a red thread.

    Behind him stood a girl with long black hair, blood-red eyes, and a simple white dress. The guardian Emma. Her face was cold and emotionless, and her voice did not betray that look one bit as she answered him.

    “Why must you always act like this?”

    “What? Uninterested?”

    Emma showed no sign of annoyance, or any other emotion as a matter of fact.

    “X, become my familiar.”

    “There it is. No thank you. Glad you stopped by. There’s the door.”

    The ghostly girl did not show any signs of backing down though.

    “To think that you would treat the guardian of London like this. Do you even know what I am capable of doing?” she asked him, sounding threatening despite her emotionlessness.

    But X did not react the way she expected him to.

    “Nothing. You have no familiar. Isn’t that precisely why you keep pestering me?”

    “I cannot deny that” she admitted without any sign of sadness or anger.

    “I told you before, I am not interested. Not in the position and not in the power.”

    “And that is why I want you.”

    At that the detective looked a bit dumbfounded.

    “What is that supposed to mean?”

    She did not answer him, but averted her gaze, so he walked over to her.

    “Emma. What happened to you?”

    She turned her head towards him and looked at him with her cold gaze.

    “I feel like you would not betray me.”

    “Betray you?”

    For the first time a flicker of emotion wandered over her face, as she realized what she had uttered.

    “Forget about that.”

    She steps away to the wall of the office.

    “I will be back. I will not give up on this” she said and her voice once more sounded devoid of any emotion.

    With those words she stepped right through the wall and was gone.

    1. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      Ooh, this is interesting. The story stands very well on its own, and fits the prompt well, but since I have gotten an insight into your world through your stories and discussions in the backup readings, I’m really intrigued by this look into this moment of the lives of X and Emma (or at least her undeath). I like the way X is steadfast in his refusal to give in to Emma’s request, but also Emma’s persistence to ask him again. Fun story, Rein.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This will be a strange comment, but what can I do with that was a strange reading?

      I can’t really say how much this story in particular work or don’t work on its own, since my reading was colored by what I already know from reading your other stories and listening to what you commented of this particular universe. And, in that regard, this scene was a bit underwhelming. No problem with it per se. I think it is really well written, and I bet it presents the characters and Emma’s conflict really well on its own…. but I can’t say for certain. The thing is, to me, at least, all the information presented here was something I already knew about, just in a new scene form. So I really can’t say much on how it would work for anyone that didn’t knew any of this elements (the relationship and history between those two, what the guardian can and cannot do, the way she sees her familiars and how X seem like he can be different, all that).

      That being said, I really like the emphasis in the whole aspect of X not wanting the power and position that is being offered making him the best choice. This is something I’m really keen on, and it is nice to see how this REALLY make him the best choice not only to occupy this position afterwards, but also to establish a different relationship with Emma.

      In that regard this little snippet of their relation is great. And, as said before, really well written.

      Thanks a lot for sharing it.

  2. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
    Arith_Winterfell

    Sedrick’s Gift (Aethyrn Setting)

    By: Arith Winterfell

    Adarath laid there in his small boat. Barely enough room to stretch out. It moored resting under the shade of a bridge. He could hear the call of sea birds, smell the salt water, and hear the gentle surf of the sea against the shore.

    “Hello there, Adarath, how are you today?” Adarath recognized the voice immediately as that of Sedrick. Adarath groaned.

    “Sedrick. What do you want?”

    “Can’t an old friend just come by for a visit?” Sedrick asked.

    “Not if said old friend is coming by to borrow still more money.” Adarath sighed.

    “Er. No. No, I’m not here about that. And I promise I will pay you back. I just, well, wanted to give you this. Consider it a gesture of good will.”

    Adarath sat up in his boat as Sedrick reached out and handed over a strange black pyramid. It was made of smooth stone, and felt cool to the touch. Adarath cocked his head to one side in curiosity. Sedrick stood there ankle deep in the shallows grinning.

    “An opportunity, you see,” Sedrick continued, “I recently got this item in a trade and was hoping you could tell me something about it?”

    Adarath blinked. “You want to give it to me, but you don’t even know what it is?”

    “Uh. Yeah. I don’t want it back. I just, in exchange you see, want to know what you can find out about it, as I know you have a way with these things.”

    “It better not be cursed.” Adarath growled.

    “Eh. What? No. Certainly not. At all.” Sedwick laughed.

    Adarath stared at Sedrick. “Yeah. Sure, I’ll check it out as soon as I have time.”

    “Okay. Then I guess I’ll leave you be.” And with that Sedrick toddled off back up the docks.

    Adarath sighed again. Sedrick never was the sharpest tool in the shed. He was always trying to pull a fast one. He just wasn’t smart enough to realize he was too dumb to pull it off. The pyramid statue though. That was . . . interesting.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Oh, that got me curious.

      Love the overall feel of this story. The whole ambience is really well established, and the genuine way we follow Adarath’s thoughts and feelings on all make sense and still leave us unprepared for the twist at the end. And that twist leaves us with a desire to know more about it all.

      This is a really well-crafted story. And although it does not present us much, the characters shine enough for us to be invested and the overall thing about the black smooth pyramid is quite intriguing. How did Sedrick get his hands on this? What can it do? And why is he so intent in parting with it?

      I’d love to see a continuation of this one.

      Thanks a lot for sharing, Arith!

      1. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
        Arith_Winterfell

        I’m glad I peaked your interest. I might well continue the story. Sedrick is actually very very loosely based off of a person I know IRL that annoys me. XD

    2. MasaCur Avatar
      MasaCur

      I love that Sedrick seems so obliviously suspicious in this. Like, nothing he can say can be take at face value, and he does such a bad job of hiding it. Adarath’s skepticism of him is so apparent from the start.
      Not going to lie, I’m curious what the pyramid is as well. I still find Sedrick’s proposal to be, at the very least, weird. “I’m going to give you this thing, but you need to find out what it is, and tell me.”
      Anyway, this was a fun story to read, Arith.

    3. An interesting story to be sure.

      I really like how simple it is. Not a lot going on so we really get to experience the setting.

      I am very curious about the pyramid, since it does seem very suspicious that he’d want to give it as a gift without knowing what it is, aside from a paperweight, but also want them to figure out what it is. Makes it feel like a lot more than just a onyx pyramid. And magic is a very real thing in Aethyrn, so asking if it’s cursed isn’t just old fashioned superstition.
      And if it is in fact NOT cursed, that almost makes me more concerned.

  3. The Order

    By Joe

    The three friends sat in the living room around the coffee table. Jonah slammed a suitcase on the table wearing a suit and tie facing his opponent. His roommate, Austin, glared back with equal determination, wearing the same attire with a suitcase just as nice as his.

    “Plead your case, Jonah,” Austin said with an insincere smile.

    “Please,” Jonah reciprocated the smile. “Basic before greatness.”

    “No, I insist. Pretentious before authentic.”

    “I don’t pretend. I am. And I will ensure my victory today!”

    “Guys?” said Eddy with tired exasperation. “We’re ordering food for gods sake. Can we not debate which food is better right now?”

    Jonah turned to him. “You complicit, cretinous, crass, hairbrained FUCK!” He said harshly to Eddy’s unaffected face. “King Burger is the obvious choice. Their burgers are served in enormous portions guaranteed to satisfy any voracious appetite,” he drooled euphorically. “And the savory thick patties juxtaposed with the SAUCE makes for a delicacy afforded to the lower middle class. And given the size you could save some for later if you like.”

    “If you can,” Austin pushed up his glasses. “You manage to finish every large King Burger meal in one go, and so quickly too! Do you even taste it? Plus I can easily use your exaggerated description for plenty of food chains. For example, El Taco and Burrito Bell. Two chains that befit your requirments of lower middle class delicacies, and is just as goated with the SAUCE.”

    “Your obsession with white washed mexican food is as unhealthy as the punishment for eating such gruel. Why would I eat food that punishes me afterwards?!”

    “Sounds like a skill issue.”

    “Ah, yes. That’s the description I want. ‘My rectums just built different’.” Jonah then stood up. “Eddy! You’re the tie breaker in this meaningless debate. Speak your peace.”

    The two stared at Eddy who tapped something on his phone, then looked up at them.

    “I picked Arby’s.”

    Silence followed. Then Austin and Jonah casually opened their suitcases and pulled out foam swords.

    “BEAT HIS ASS!” they shouted.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I have said it once, and I will say it again – I love this kind of comedy where you take one element and exaggerates it to the point of paroxysm. And you are great doing it.

      I love how the arguments are both banal but also grandiloquent… and, in that, we as readers are probably called to consider and pick sides as well. No more terrible battle than deciding on what food to order,. I guess (and whoever has experiencing picking food with others knows the real meaning of Sartre’s maxim “hell are other people”).

      And the resolution is great as well. A very fitting and funny ending.

      You have all in here. Your story gives an amazing first impression with a powerful scene, presents the ridiculousness of it all and keeps a very interesting and well-crafted flow, and ends with a very funny and (paradoxically enough) anti-climatic resolution. And all fits perfectly. That’s a great story, and I just love it.

      And lucky me that there is only one button to click after all that. No fuss in trying to decide the best course of action and justifying it. It is just one like and everything is right!

      Thanks for sharing!

    2. That escalated far faster than anticipated. I was expecting some full on Phoenix Wright nonsense.
      350 might just be far to short for that though.

      I do wanna try that sweet and spicey chicken sandwich though.

  4. MasaCur Avatar

    To Serve Queen and Country
    By MasaCur

    Cassidy was chained to the bench of the prison mess hall. As soon as she was secured, two men entered the otherwise empty room.

    The older of the two nodded to Cassidy. “Corporal Cruikshank, I take it? Unless you want to give us your real name.”

    Cassidy glared wordlessly.

    “I’m Marcus Richard. My associate is Agent Doyle. We’re here to offer you a deal.”

    “What sort of deal?” Cassidy asked.

    Richard stroked his moustache. “Well, normally when a soldier is discovered to be a woman, they are summarily discharged from the service, and nothing is made of it. But your commanding officer has charged you with espionage. The fact that you refuse to give your actual name isn’t helping your case.”

    “You haven’t answered my question. Sir.”

    Richard nodded. “Quite right. I propose that we absolve you of the charges against you. In exchange, you come work for me.” He removed an identity card from his jacket and placed it on the table in front of her. “Doyle and I work for Her Majesty’s Home Office for a small but dedicated bureau in service to the crown. Doyle is in need of a new partner.”

    Cassidy took a deep breath. “Why me?”

    “Because you had built quite the reputation in your service career. For a member of the weaker sex, you were known as something of a man of action.” Richard smiled at the humour of his comment. “Furthermore, we have a question about why you joined the army. Most women in the service followed a family member. Usually a husband or brother. You’ve given no indication that you have any such connection.”

    “And what would you need from me, sir?”

    “First thing we’ll need is your real name. After that, we will need you to pass our agent training course. Followed by at least five years of service with my bureau. If I’m right, I suspect that you would be happy to legitimately serve Queen and country.”

    Cassidy thought about the proposition for a few seconds. She nodded. “It’s Markham, sir. My name is Cassidy Markham.”

    1. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      An engaging scene! It reminds a bit of that common trope in movies with a setup of why someone gets drawn into an organization after being in trouble. I had to wonder why Cassidy chose the army and disguise herself as a man? As the agent mentions, asking if Cassidy was following in someone else’s footsteps? Still the setup was clear and clean, directly to the point. She remains a valuable asset despite the discrimination against women (the weaker sex joke too) Cassidy shows herself to be an asset by her bravery and action that impressed even the men in the army. It’s good to see her as a character brought into a new opportunity like that.

    2. I don’t know if this is meant to be a strict period piece, or if it’s a light AU.
      What I’m most curious about, though, is why this meeting is happening in the cafeteria.

      Regardless, it comes across as a great introduction to what sounds like a very fun book.

  5. Fog Wall Avatar

    “Castle Crashers”
    ~Fog Wall

    The desk the old man sat at. The small barred windows just below the ceiling. This room felt out of place, as if removed from today in every possible way. Like a prison from the past, suited especially for this one man.

    He was a man of history and literature. A philosopher that carved his own path and belief. With piles of paperwork and books hiding the surface of almost everything including the wooden floor. I could see him as only a silhouette from where I’d entered from. A candlewicked antique oil lamp providing the only light source.

    The man groaned and wheezed before letting out an extended fit of phlegm-filled coughs. His chair scratched the floor as he stood, grabbing a cane that hung off the chair’s back. He turned to me, holding a single paper.

    “You’re James, correct?” His golden mane of hair and beard made his large nose and small eyes very much noticeable. “I have a proposition for you. Please, come here and let me see you.”

    “Yeah, uh… Sure.” I crossed the small room in only a few strides, this was an impressive attic for an underground facility. Looking up at the windows, I could see the street’s foot traffic.

    “I’m sure you are feeling a little lost, well?”

    “Yeah actually. Why am I here? Why did you have Koalle stalk and recruit me? What importance was it to you to have that database?” My questions flowed like a river, my mind running wild with possibilities.

    The old man’s brief, all-knowing kindly smile could have seduced an entire room. “You’ll have all the answers in due time. For now, know that we are the ones who fight for everyone below the bottle’s neck.”

    He held out the paper. “You may call me Aiza. That data you procured for me…” He cleared his throat. “It covers building projects, sectional securements and the uplifting redistribution of people’s lives.” With a nod he indicated the paper I held.

    Taking it, I read three elegantly penned words. “What’s your cause?”

    1. This is a really interesting piece. There is a lot of mystery surrounding Aiza and I love how you craft this aura of power and knowledge around him. The last line had me really intrigued. Initially, I thought Aiza had something specific in mind for James, but asking him for his cause makes me think that he’s after rebels in general and not for something specific.

      The atmosphere here is really well done. There is a real sense of Aiza having a good heart, but I also get the sense of him being capable of summoning a proverbial storm when angered.

      Well done!

  6. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    Gamophobia
    by Lee Strangely

    Through the open window, the winds howled in and out of the room; past the flailing curtains and into the black night, they carried the echoes of his drumming heart. Only a small, beat-up desk lamp barely kept the darkness at bay. He stood hunched over the dresser, just barely within its flickering lamplight, staring down at the little black box.

    In his mind an army or voices repeated themselves over and over again, “Will you. Will you. Will you. WILL YOU…”

    “Right?” he kept muttered to himself, “is this right?” He looked up at the mirror, “Should I go through with this?”

    His gaze danced around the reflection of the distressed man looking back at him; looking past himself, he gravitated towards a crumbled up post-it note that hung to the glass by a thread.

    In red pen it said to him, “What do you want?”

    He grumbled to himself as he ripped the thing off and threw it away. His hand drifted towards the box yet again.

    They chanted to the heartbeat, “WIL-YU! WIL-YU! WIL-YU!” rising and quickening the closer he got to the box.

    BUM BA-BABUM BA-BABUM BA-BABUM.

    Centimeters from the box his hand recoiled; his head turned away as if to avert his eyes.

    “MA-RE! MA-RE! MA-RE!”

    From the outside, two blinding beams of light suddenly burst into the room. His wide eyes stared at the trembling silhouette they projected onto the wall. The lights only ceased upon the sound of a car door opening.

    BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM.

    “ME ME ME ME ME ME!”

    Ding-

    -dong.

    Everything went quiet.

    He looked back at the box one more time. The chant still whispered as he neared the box again; his hand was still hesitant…

    Ding-dong.

    Faster than light itself, the box went into his coat pocket, and swiftly the door was opened.

    “You ready?” she asked.

    “Yes. YES.” He rushed to respond, “I got the reservations and…” he couldn’t help but feel the box’s outline in his coat, “and everything. Everything’s set. Let’s go!”

    1. Vriesn Silver Avatar
      Vriesn Silver

      Whoa. Just, whoa.

      My first thought was, is this guy going to jump? My second thought was, is this a curse or supernatural scene? And my last thought was, ah I see now.

      Magnificent way to portray his anxiety! Kind of mystical, and really pulls you into a “UH WHAT’S WRONG IS THERE A MONSTER THERE-” vibe. Also, I had to go back a few times and think a little before realizing those are (note: spoilers?) “Will you marry me?” that was echoing all around.

      I think it’d be a bit more satisfying or helpful for the readers to be ‘shown’ a bit more about what is actually happening at the very end. I had my doubts when I saw the box and ‘she’, so I doubled back to check. I don’t know if the others would do the same.

      Overall, epic job. Excellent depiction of a mundane (kind of) event that really milks out the almost-supernatural descriptions.

      1. Vriesn Silver Avatar
        Vriesn Silver

        Fun fact, I just Googled the term gamophobia. I get it now. It’s a very good portrayal of how extreme fear and phobia might manifest. I like it a lot!

    2. Adrian Solorio Avatar
      Adrian Solorio

      👏👏👏 This was a very creative, well crafted story, Lee. I had to reread it twice to get it, but with that second reading came a whole lot more appreciation for what you did here. Again, you crafted this tale very well. The tone and pace remained steady throughout, and you captured the POV characters dread/anxiety excellently. Thanks for sharing this with us. Bravo!

      Ahhh, a few nitpicky things:

      Only a small, beat-up desk lamp barely kept the darkness at bay. (Consider removing “barely”. It doesn’t add much to the sentence, may throw off the rhythm as well. You’re call though.)

      He stood hunched over the dresser, just barely within its flickering lamplight, staring down at the little black box. (Consider removing “barely” here as well).

      Ticky-tack stuff.

      Well done!

  7. I suppose it’s Communication (Frontier Universe)
    By Alex Nightingale (aka Spectre)

    The rock that had shattered his window hadn’t even startled Adrian. As a private investigator, he’d made a lot of enemies, during his various cases. This time, however, things were very different.

    “You could have used a slightly less dramatic way to meet with me,” Adrian said to the shadows of the darkened alleyway, where he’d been asked to go.

    “It’s called, blending in,” the shadows said back and parted, revealing a man in a coat and a wide-brimmed hat.

    “I have a mail box, Oliver.”

    “Too risky. I couldn’t guarantee that I wouldn’t be spied upon. Powered people are being targeted and you are one. Openly.”

    “So, you decided to throw a rock through my window?”

    “Don’t tell me it hasn’t happened before, given your profession.”

    Adrian had to give him that. He’d attracted several individuals, who wished him ill and his window glass had been broken its fair share of times.

    “Even so,” Adrian went on. “I told you, I have no interest in your… operation. I help the people of Keene, yes, but I don’t want to get dragged into a war with the mafia.”

    “Hate to break it to you, but you’re already in it,” Oliver said. “I wish it were different, believe me, I do. More than most people. And I’d like nothing more than to let you continue on as you did, coaching powered people, helping the poor with debt collectors on their tail or salvaging the occasional marriage. But people are after us, Adrian. People, who are hunting and kidnapping powered people and carriers of the powered gene, smuggling them into the cities to be indoctrinated. This is your fight too. It has been from the beginning. Even if you didn’t care about other powered people, you are a target now and have been for presumably a long time. It’s not too late to help me fight back. And before you answer, let me ask you this. Why did you become a private investigator? Surely not to ignore people in need.”

    There was a moment of silence.

    “Alright, Oliver. What do you propose?”

    1. Vriesn Silver Avatar
      Vriesn Silver

      I’m not familiar with the Frontier Universe, but this is a very interesting piece! Kidnapping, smuggling, mafia, and I’m guessing some type of cult or slavery. Plus powered people! Sounds like Oliver is going to take Adrian on a very thrilling and life-threatening journey.

      It kinda felt like Oliver is morally blackmailing Adrian into joining him, huh? As someone who didn’t know anything, the subtle reveal of ‘powered people’ almost made me double back on that. I don’t have much to criticize, really.

      Overall, very excellent job! I would be interested in the ‘joy ride’ that these two go on. Also, I’m half expecting a betrayal from Oliver now. It’s the vibe. I swear.

  8. excerpt from ‘A Scroll of Traditional Lynx Tales’ (a tale from Gaea)‎
    by Taehl‎

    Do you know about the Ferryman and the Knifeman? I will tell you how to spot them.

    There is a danger in the underworld, two tricksters you should never deal with. They are not begotten from Alfa nor Banri,º they do not belong in this universe.Δ

    One calls itself the Ferryman. It has a boat, an oar, and an alluring lantern. It is wrapped in rags, hiding its lack of a face. It will offer you life, even a new body of your choosing. You must shun the Ferryman. If you trade your body, you will never get it back. It will give your body to someone else, and your face will speak only their words. If someone you called kin is suddenly a stranger to you, it is the work of the Ferryman.

    The other calls itself the Knifeman. It is dressed in white and gleaming silver, and pretends to be a friend. It will offer to remove your mistakes from your life, even those you regret most. You must shun the Knifeman too. It removes memories not only from you, it cuts them out of everyone else too. And none are more apt to repeat their mistakes than those with memories stolen. Because of its thoroughness,◊ we have no sense of when the Knifeman intrudes into our lives.

    They are best avoided before they can tempt you. Whenever they make a deal, those two surely can only bring confusion and pain to everyone. That is why you should always live in your own body with your own mistakes – it is much less trouble than dealing with the Ferryman or the Knifeman.

    º Afay and Bina, as the Fae know them, are commonly named “Alfa” and “Banri” among the Lynx.
    Δ The Lynx, too, seem to agree the Ferryman and Knifeman are n’wod.
    ◊ “neamramam”, literal translated to Abcedan as “hungrily scouring (the) bones”, plays on the next word which refers to the living as “cleaned skeletons”.

  9. Acecerak Avatar

    A man walks into a bar, goes up the Barkeeper and asks for a glass of Whisky. A man in a Black suit walks up to him, sits down next to him and asks: “Hard day?” The Man, lets call him Alex, answers: “Yeah, same as everyday” The man in the suit waves to the Barkeeper, asks for a shot for both of them and says: “What would you offer, if someone turned your life around and gave you everything you wanted?” “Well who would do that? That sounds like a deal with the devil himself.”
    “Yes, but you can call me Al. I would like to make a proposition, you can’t say no to. I do what I just described, and you owe me a favor. No soul, no tricks. A simple favor, that I can cash in, when I need to. Might be after you die, might be never. But I’ll have it, just in case.” Alex thinks for a minute, thinks about his life right now, the tough spot he’s in. He asks: “I get whatever I want, and you only want a favor that you might never cash in? That doesn’t sound fair.” Luci looks at him, black eyes looking back at Alex. “Do we have a deal?” He holds out his hand, as to complete the deal. Alex thinks, looks at Lucifer, and shakes his hand. As they shake hands, they are surrounded by a fiery Circle on the floor. One second they are standing there, shaking hands. The next the bar is empty, but for the barkeeper.

    Alex wakes up some time later. He’s surprised to see, he’s back at home. The only thing different, is the little tattoo on his ribs. A Flame with a shotglass, half full.

    Let’s see what happens to that favor. And how his wish plays out.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Hm… interesting one. I like the way the scene is painted, and how it develops. But, to my taste at least, there are some elements that could be improved with an editing effort.

      I’ll just point some of them out:

      First, there is a matter of formatting. Your story lacks the usual header we are expected to use here (first line with the title, second with the author, and then a break before starting the story proper). It also would benefit for more paragraph breaks, and a rearrangement in the flow. Formatting alone can help a lot in making the reader know he is talking in each moment. Your piece is a short one, but is a bit on the dialogue-heavy side, so making sure we know when it is Alex and when it is Lucifer talking helps a lot in making the narrative clear.

      I like the voice you gave each character, and also the overall voice of the narrative. This has a mixture of “the start of a joke” and “campfire tale” feeling to it – part attention grabbing, part casual conversation, and it suits the story.

      I also find it funny that Lucifer here is first called just “Luci” after being implied to be the devil himself, and just afterwards is presented as Lucifer. And the tattoo that seals the deal is a great image.

      There are some small things that could be correct, such as [“What would you offer[,] if someone turned your life around and gave you everything you wanted?”] – that comma is misplaced, there is no need for it. Also, this sentence introduces the story proper, it announces the proposition… but it feels a bit odd on a second reading, since we know Alex will not have a chance to establish the terms of what he can provide in exchange for a change of luck. The devil will ask for a favor, and the favor being open is an important point (and one of the elements that make it threatening and interesting)… so I’m not sure if this question due the plot justice.

      Anyway, this is a pretty interesting concept and I nicely written scene. thanks for sharing.

  10. Berith Quinn Avatar
    Berith Quinn

    Cursed From The Depths
    By Berith Quinn

    The beastfolk pirate stumbled across the deck in a confused stupor. The last she remembered was sinking into the freezing depths of the sea, while the Dreadmare burnt to crisp. Yet here she was, her black fur dry and the Dreadmare untouched.

    A rumbling growl echoed in her throat, as her canine snout curled back into a snarl.

    She wasn’t alone.

    “Starzia Baelfyre, no? The infamous pirate aboard the cursed ship Dreadmare?” Called out a young woman, her short auburn hair contrasted her pale skin. Though her faint smile and simple glasses offered a sense of sincerity, it belied the calculated gaze of her golden eyes.

    “Why ask if yer already know the answer, lassie. And what is this place, cause it ain’t the Dreadmare.” The beastfolk barked with disdain, as she passed a hand through the illusory mast to prove her suspicions.

    “Neutral ground is good for negotiations.”

    “It ain’t neutral ground, when you’ve got all the cards, yer verhexten witch.”

    “Observant. Fiery. You not disappoint. Yet stuck on Dreadmare. I give freedom, you work for me. Simple proposal, no?”

    “I ain’t stuck. I’m dead, yer daft witch. Drowned while I happily watched the Dreadmare burn!”

    “No no, dear. Drowned, yes, but still alive. So too the Dreadmare. Unless I free curse.”

    “So that’s yer proposal? End one curse by giving me another?”

    “Maybe for you, deal isn’t good. But choice is still choice.”

    “Not much of a choice, ain’t it. Bound to the Dreadmare, or bound to a bloody witch.” Spat the pirate, much to the amusement of the witch. Without warning, Starzia fell to her knees as her lungs filled with brackish water, as burnt splinters ripped through her chest.

    “That seems painful, no? Dreadmare seeks a new heart.”

    “So… who do I fly my colours for…” Coughed Starzia, in a mixture of spite and fetid water.

    With a slight smirk, the young woman’s golden eyes glinted like a predator about to pounce. As she extended a hand, air once again returned to Starzia’s lungs.

    “Many lifetimes, many names… but you shall call me The Grymhold.”

    1. writingspirit Avatar
      writingspirit

      I already gave you some constructive criticism for this piece so I won’t repeat it here. Just want to say I’m really drawn to this pirate’s interactions with The Grymhold. The physical description you gave for her is also very true to my experiences with people. They can put on a smile and hide other things, but they can’t quite hide the predatory gleam lurking behind their eyes.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I really like the scene and the descriptions, and, as I said in a previous story, I’m quite hooked to the idea of the verhexten. Since I already made the comparison, I will not refrain from it – the other story is a bit more to my liking, with most of the fantastical elements more implied than outright show. So, this one feels quite different, even if the themes and elements are similar. this is a lot “showy”. Not as close to my cup of tea, but that’s a matter of taste, not quality. And it is still a very good and entertaining story.

      There is an element that I’m not sure is intended, but it creates a curious effect. The lines of dialogue are punctuated by ellipsed words and particles (specially articles), and this gives me the impression that either the two characters are speaking in a pidgin language (and so, we would have the idea that they don’t share a language, but are still able not only to communicate but negotiate, even across a communication barrier) or that one of them struggles with the particular language of the interaction (and due to how it is written, it seems like the one using a less than familiar language here is the witch, which makes sense)…. or it could also be just that those particles were trimmed during the editing process so as to comply with the word limit. Regardless, this has an effect in how I, as a reader, perceive the communication of these two, and it opens some interesting questions about them and this world.

      Anyway, I really love the idea that the verhexten is basically exchanging one curse of servitude for another (and maybe that implies a bit on how their power of making deals with fate works). Really interesting concept.

      Great story. Thanks for sharing!

  11. Ethan Jesse Avatar
    Ethan Jesse

    On Distant Day’s Oath
    By Ethan Jesse

    A crossing array of molten iron bars held the fickle Pygmy in place. An expanse of seawater was made solid as far as the sun would light, with never a dark spot to cloud his sunken eyes. Out there, beyond his doting little prison, he saw the reflections of light. Reflections, ever tainted by all they should encompass, made up that world, one which he’d yearn from within metal walls. He’d covet, that roach, for look what was to see! He’d stare aimless at the stars, the horizon, and the earth, all within the known comfort of his rotted wooden camp.

    The Pygmy, ever the one to shout, would say upon himself: “This be my offer, my proposition, my resolve. Let the land be my embrace, for I shall claim it on that day! People walk there, and lo, as shall I! It is my right, on that day that I claim it, and will serve me in good faith. On that day, that day, the day my day shall come. Let my oath ring true, just as the sun may rise, and may all who should hear it know that its day is near and nigh!”

    Failure to act was not one that could be, for the Pygmy’s sworn day had yet to ever come. And so, the rodent, that pest, hidden there, would lay upon his sheets and his pleasantries in peace. Days beyond days, each arrived like the last; yet still he would wait, that fickle little thing. Each day would fall still, ready to call upon night; Night which would cover and conceal that nagging open door. What travesties would lie in the land of dusk and dawn! Why, how a Pygmy’s true words were only of the mind he would hold! Yet still, to wait was a given, and by his mind, it would be so, there short of the land lit by the calling sun. There, in a room, without locks or steel guards, the Pygmy lays waiting, a new oath for a day.

    1. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
      Dagmar Makara (dystop)

      Poetic as ever! I know you disagree but this is one of the best pieces you’ve written so far. The imagery is wonderfully tragic, and our protagonist could really be a stand-in for any one of us which has some nice existential-dread factor to it. The second paragraph, I have to say is beautifully crafted and stands out for me as the best part of the story – it has that gothic, tragic, poetic combo of course but it’s the bittersweet nature of it (sweet because of what he’s saying, bitter because it’s never gonna happen).

      Really excellent work : )

    2. writingspirit Avatar
      writingspirit

      It’s quite interesting to me how the writing style almost feels more poetry-based than it is prose.

      I would maybe even break up one of the paragraphs to (a) give the paragraph lengths as a whole a little more variation and (b) potentially use it as a tool to call attention to particular sentences. So for example, you could separate…

      “Yet still, to wait was a given, and by his mind, it would be so, there short of the land lit by the calling sun. There, in a room, without locks or steel guards, the Pygmy lays waiting, a new oath for a day.”

      …into its own small section, I think.

      But definitely take that comment with grain of salt. It’s extremely subjective and more of a stylistic idea that came to mind while reading.

    3. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Well, I guess I have commented a bit on the elements I found interesting before, but there is not problem in repeating this here. I really like the language employed in this one. It is very poetic, and it has a touch of grandeur that reflects well with what is being presented: at the same time, a terrible and inescapable prison beyond which the whole world lies open… and the grand considerations of the protagonist, whose mind make the flimsy prison inescapable.

      Is that any less a terrible prison if it is of his own doing, and erected by his own concepts and thoughts?

      To his experience, and to how that experience presents that inescapable fate, it does seem like not.

      The cadence of it all is also really strong.

      That is a great story. Thanks for sharing it

  12. The Missing Link Avatar
    The Missing Link

    A Desire to Communicate (Space Squids)
    By: The Missing Link

    “The octopi have intercepted your transmission to God,” flashed across Orson’s display in bright, angry colors. Still reeling from the revelation that God was not a cephalopod, but one of those strange beings pictured in the glass and wood cases on the surface. God was a precursor.

    This was the worst time to be thinking about the octopi now that the squids were set to learn all there was to learn from the distant past. “Handle it,” he flashed across the input. He would not give up this opportunity, and handle it is something he believed Sea Control could do. His more immediate problem was one of communication.

    The image of God on the main screen kept moving what appeared to be its mouth, but it made no colors, had no tentacles to gesture with. Cephalopods had run into communication problems with intelligent life before. The octopi always seemed dim with two less tentacles to communicate with, and Orson himself found the nautilus sages’ language impossibly arcane, but this was different. It was communication, right?

    Luna stared at the transmission in awe. Squids on the moon. Now unable to distinguish herself from her observation pod, she had given her transmission a human face without thought. It wasn’t really her, but the problem remained that she did not speak squid.

    Back on old earth, she had a friend, Todd, insufferably hyper she thought, but maybe that was just his passion for his work. And for the first time in her millennia long… could she still call it life at this point, she was thankful that Todd was a marine biologist. She attempted to recall where his ramblings touched on mollusks and remembered that the colors and patterns they make were a primitive, maybe not so much at this point, form of communication. But how to use that? And so, she reviewed the first transmission and took a gamble.

    Orson’s fellow astronauts gathered around God’s display as it flashed calming colors with little real meaning, but he figured it meant, “Talk to me, please.”

    1. writingspirit Avatar
      writingspirit

      “The octopi have intercepted your transmission to God.”

      What a great, eye-catching opening line. It got my attention right away.

      You couldn’t do this here because it would break the prompt requirements of course, but I think it would be cool to expand on this story if you ever feel like revisiting it. It felt like it stopped right when it was ramping up in some ways.

  13. writingspirit Avatar
    writingspirit

    Entrapment
    by writingspirit

    The woman had never expected a unicorn. Any belief in it had seemed foolish once. It was myth choking on pretense, a way for men to derive valor from running down foxes that stood little chance against the combined strength of the hunting party and their hounds.

    Yet, here their legend was. Their great unicorn—a wild, vicious beast, they’d said—emerged silently from the woods with a white coat so luminous, she didn’t understand how it might have hidden itself before now. It was larger than any horse, towering above everything, everything but the trees in its path. She might have ran if its gaze hadn’t pinned her where she sat, bare-legged in the dirt and shaking from more than just the chill.

    She was young, but not a maiden. She couldn’t tame it. What had that knowledge mattered to a king with need for a lure? For a death so worthless, it wouldn’t bring him any loss at all? For a heartbeat, she was struck still by how the unicorn might spear her for the insult.

    But it didn’t gore her.

    It was gentler than any lamb when it laid its head upon her lap—careful, even, not to prick any part of her with the knifepoint of its spiraled horn. As the soldiers approached, heard only by the clink of metal, it did not stir in her arms. She wondered then if this wasn’t its true nature and if the death it wrought wasn’t its armor instead.

    “Well done,” the king praised her in a low voice, closer now, more vivid and real than any beast made for books.

    Heart pounding fast, she bent over the unicorn.

    “I will make you a fair bargain, creature, but you must aid me,” she whispered in its ear as loudly as she dared. “Otherwise, the king and his men will slaughter you in these woods.”

    She lifted discreetly one of her hands from its neck. When she did, the eyes meeting hers turned lucid.

    “Hold it steady,” the king murmured.

    She replied, “yes, my liege,” and opened both arms wide.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I really loved how your description of the unicorn can at once paint a very concrete and possible image for the reader, and still makes it seem like an incredible apparition. It is very well described, but each element that grounds its presence in the story also creates a sense of wonder that makes us (as readers) be as struck by awe as the point of view character is.

      And I love how that ending leaves us exactly at the moment in which we know what is going to happen, but is not described. Once again, we are taken by that effect – things are well-established, so that we know enough. Yet, the grandeur (or, in this scene, the possible gore) does not need to be described to be felt.

      I also appreciate a lot how the title can be read in more than one way. At least three characters here can be seem as a victim of some entrapment, and perhaps the change in position is what makes such a short story so interesting.

      I confess that the second question in the third paragraph made me stumbled upon the words a bit, and I’m still a bit unsure on how I should parse it to really interpret it. Apart from that, Everything here is just so well written I really can’t make any other critique.

      Thanks a lot for sharing this one!

      1. writingspirit Avatar
        writingspirit

        Thank you so much for all the detailed feedback! I really appreciate the time and effort you took to do so.

        Regarding the title, I’m glad to hear that. That was exactly the feeling I was hoping to invoke.

        And I totally agree with you that the second question is rather clunky. A small part of it is due to the word count limit (I was right at 350 unfortunately lol), but I think it could have used reworking for clarity even without the restriction.

        For the intent of the sentence, basically, I wanted to imply that she has no wealth or social standing at all and perhaps is even a servant to the king. Because of that, if she did die, her death would be meaningless to him because she is so easily replaceable. Sorry that wasn’t clearer!

    2. Ethan Jesse Avatar
      Ethan Jesse

      I really enjoy the analysis of the unicorn! I’ve always been a sucker for stories that look into the more minor details and aspects of certain concepts or ideas, so hearing how the protagonist observes and perceives the unicorn is certainly an interesting read, and something I’d say you seem to excel at!

      Would this, by any chance, be inspired by a certain dinosaur/unicorn image?

      1. writingspirit Avatar
        writingspirit

        Thanks so much for the feedback!

        There was no one particular image that inspired it. I am very into folklore, fairy tales, and mythology so I’m naturally drawn to this kind of thing as my bread and butter. That being said, the unicorn discussion and a picture or two shared on the Discord yesterday did inspire me to write this short story. 🙂

    3. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
      Dagmar Makara (dystop)

      Ah so this is where the discussion about unicorns came from! This is beautifully written and the first half of it is extremely tense given she was placed there to be bait. I also really like that the unicorn was much larger than we tend to imagine them, and a lot less fairytale-like. The juxtaposition of the creature and the King with the line “more vivid and real than any beast made for books” was fantastic. And her proposition was a brilliant way to end it. Great work : )

      1. writingspirit Avatar
        writingspirit

        Thanks so much again for the feedback!

        Glad you enjoyed it. And yeah, I really wanted to try and create some sort of juxtaposition between the king and the unicorn—with the irony being that the latter has already treated her with more care and gentility than the human king has.

    4. Berith Quinn Avatar
      Berith Quinn

      I really love this piece. Not just for the overall story, but for the pacing and imagery. The unicorn is made to be larger than life, and yet grounded in reality.

      As well the description of the king. Monsters don’t have to be described as nightmarish abominations. Often the worst monsters are depraved humans that seek personal gain at the expense of others.

      1. writingspirit Avatar
        writingspirit

        Thank you lots for the feedback! And yay, glad the story seemed to achieve what I wanted it to overall.

        I agree with your last sentence. I think it’s interesting sometimes to write “monster” characters being more humane in comparison to the human characters who are monstrous in their behavior.

  14. No Warm Welcome Here, Go Somewhere Else
    By Taja DaLeen

    “Please stop staring at me like that. It’s making me feel weird.”

    “What? But we need to talk! Honestly, what’s -”

    “Oh, I wasn’t -”

    “Up with you lately?” The redhead crossed her arms, expecting an answer from her best friend.

    For a few moments they just looked at each other in silence, waiting for the other to speak up first. It was the redhead who broke it eventually.

    “We’re all worried about you, you know. Even Tom. Know what, how about a deal? You tell me what’s wrong with you lately, and I buy you that dress you wanted for a while.”

    Some more silence, during which the brunette nervously glanced to the side.

    “You think I should do this right now, no? That curious?”

    “Of course I think so! I want to help you!”

    “I’m not – nevermind.” Sighing she hid her face in her hands. She had always hated being watched, and this was even worse. It felt like she was on display, as if even her thoughts were an open book.

    “So, do we have a deal? Yes or no? Just think about the dress, dark blue, silky to the touch, the bits of black lace hugging your shoulders…”

    “Yea, yea, I get it. It’s just… difficult to talk about. Especially right now. I’m not sure… hey, you, don’t you even dare imagining me in that dress!”

    “What?” The redhead looked as if her best friend just slapped her. “Why should I…?”

    “Like I tried to say, I wasn’t talking to you, but to them! That weirdo has been watching me for a while now, always staring at me! Stop it! Go away!”

    “Honey, what…?”

    “Am I a protagonist in a story or what? Just leave me alone, this isn’t funny!”

    “Oh, is it some creepy medium again? You seem to be a magnet for those. Any way I can help? From which direction are you being watched?”

    “There.” Close to crying she pointed at you. Finally noticing you overstayed your welcome, you leave this place for another story.

  15. Void deal

    by Galer

    Alex jumped from one corner to the next, taking shots and hitting the living bio-magical terrorist weapon with the intention of buying time for the police to evacuate the civilians and themselves.

    They weren’t really suited for combat, least of all him. He was just an ex-military, he could handle a life like that.

    However, his instincts were calling on his training as a mage soldier. He had to give time to the police, however. The beast was faster, agile, and filled with more malicious intent and destructive urges. His origins were as a living curse made solely for making others suffer.

    Alex was not a match for it. Really, the fact that the flesh crafter curse grabbed him by the leg and then slammed him repeatedly into the floor made that pretty clear., If it wasn’t for his magic enhancement via chi, he would have been dead.

    But he didn’t have time for that. He needed to think quickly. How to beat this thing? Or at least immobilize it

    “What alternative do I have?” Alex thought frantically, trying to find an option.

    something sparked at the edge of his mind an option although one that, would forfeit Alex’s Soul from all afterlives.

    What this worth the risk? The contract with the void? He was injured so much that he almost couldn’t move, and this thing was laughing. it turned its eyes to the civilians

    …..

    Alex didn’t really have any other alternative, did he?

    He drew deep within his soul, to the origin of it. What followed was hard to describe, however, Alex was certain that this nothing would give him the strength to fight the monster.

    Alex extended his metaphysical hand, to reach that nothingness. Then he was filled with an emptiness and a sudden disconnection from the world, an emptiness he filled with the meaning of protection.

    In an instant, one of the arms of the hulking beast disappeared into thin air.

    It turned its head to Alex the void mage, which stooped in defiance to it. “Ready for round two, you bastard?”

    1. Vriesn Silver Avatar
      Vriesn Silver

      A type of ‘deal with the devil’, is it? Interesting concept. This sounds like a pretty good finale for a story about Alex the Void Mage.

      I won’t mention it, since it should be pretty apparent that there were capitalization and punctuation mistakes. The grammar could use some help to make your point come across more clearly. I’ll focus more on the plot now.

      Since this is not a finale for a story, unfortunately, you had to deal with cramming all relevant back story into this excerpt. You did a pretty good job in that. I think you should rework some sentences about his background and powers as it feels a little inconsistent. I know there’s probably some explanation that didn’t fit the 350-word cap, but since you can’t include it anyways, I think it’s possible to alter some details to keep things consistent but still clearly defined.

      Overall, okay job! I think you can do better with a few more editing, but a nice idea.

  16. Aracnarquista Avatar
    Aracnarquista

    Musings: Terpsichore’s Call (private thread repost)
    by Aracnarquista

    They were, at once, One, Three and Nine. It was always One that communicated (if I said merely spoke, I’d be diminishing their presence), and while doing so, they were always One of the Nine… and also, always All of the Three.

    I can’t quite convey their effect. I don’t think they are meant to be understood.

    The One (and Three, and Nine) that talked to me (and words were not her favored means of giving form to ideas) was at once graceful and violent. Her messages lacked definition, but they buried themselves deep in my heart.

    “I don’t understand what you want from me.”

    The pain in my heart made itself clearer, and sharper.

    “What we want is the same as you want. Stories. That you take the thorn in your flesh and grow it into a forest, so that others can be pierced by it.”

    “What kind of stories?”

    “It is not for us to decide. It is not for you to decide. Stories have their own ways of growing. What kind of gardener are you?”

    Each one of her arguments was a dance move. She was not only approaching, but also stepping with more force and intent. Not in a threatening way. It was an invitation, and I wasn’t stepping back. I held my ground, as her dance partner. The Nine smiled. The Three observed.

    “Your inspiration is not easily conveyed through words, and I’m a writer.”

    The movement of the One was a fierce one, cutting the air in front of her and opening a new venue through where our dance could continue.

    “So make your words do more than write. You’ve done that in the past. You are doing it now. Are you only a writer?”

    “I am tired.”

    “You are. But do you want to stop?”

    The song (the song I didn’t know was playing, but which is always playing) stopped. I stepped up.

    She, they, took me in their arms, and we danced.

    Her feet risked the floor, my pen dipped in ink, and my fingers drummed the keyboard.

    Song and stories continued.

    1. Shinigama Avatar
      Shinigama

      “Each one of her arguments was a dance move.” – I could use the same description for the way you write. And I believe you manage to make your words do more than write – was One speaking to you by any chance?

      I love how your descriptions flow, and how you write One’s manner of speaking. You convey an atmosphere of mystique behind her words. And that phrase – “Are you only a writer?” – really strikes a chord. A writer has to do more than write. They have to play, dance, build, and explore. And that you do well in this story.

      A gorgeous piece, well done!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Wow, thanks a lot for the comment and for the compliments! This is high praise indeed!

        This was a somewhat difficult prompt to decide on what to write. I settled on this particular story after going through three very different drafts for three very different stories, and ultimately deciding writing itself and inspiration would be a better fit than anything else I was thinking about… and, well, writing, when it is good writing, is always a bit more than just writing, right? We have to put more than just words in it, and we have to rely on more than our ability to communicate through the written medium: good writing is always an act of expanding what writing can be, and pollinating it with other influences.

        Or, at least, that’s how I choose to listen to the chant of the muses, when they happen to appear!

        Thanks for the comment and the feedback!

    2. Ethan Jesse Avatar
      Ethan Jesse

      Man, ain’t this one somethin’! It’s difficult to discern exactly what’s happening, but I can only imagine that’s the point. To convey the confusing maze of writing and creativity as it stands within somebody, in a way we as readers can just barely comprehend. All this, while only truly understanding if we ourselves are familiar with the words of the Three and Nine.

      It’s definitely something that warrants further analysis, as I’ve hardly done it justice here, but good on ya, Araq!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot.

        I sometimes fall in the trap of being overly cryptic (sometimes, by choice, sometimes just by custom), and here I most certainly might have indulged a little bit too much in doing so. But I think there is something you wrote that makes a lot of sense to what I’m trying to convey – inspiration and the act of writing are something quite confusing. The journey and the act are not clear things, and trying to explain how and why we are writing is… challenging, at the very best.

        And, sometimes, it is a struggle and the struggle is the best part (even better than the final product!), even if it is a bit threatening.

        But those are just some more musings. Musings about the effects of the muses (and one of them in particular… or is it that I don’t think the source of inspiration can be divided among the traditional categories?).

        Anyway, thanks a lot for the comment and the feedback.

    3. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      This story is at once interesting and curious, while at the same time a bit vexing I suppose. I find myself struggling due to the vagueness of language about the entity being described. I understand that her identity is meant to intentionally remain inexplicable and unclear as some sort of super-entity. But I end up struggling to understand. Is it a hive mind? Collective consciousness? A divinity of some kind? A bunch of weird aliens? That vagueness left me unsure of the nature of the interactions. It comes across very poetic and well written! It does engage well with trying to describe something I assume is ineffable. I just wish we as readers had more of an idea of what was being engaged by the writer/narrator? Then I might as a writer and reader be able to feel something and connect more with the writer/narrator as they grapple (metaphorically) with an ineffable entity.

      I assume this story is self-reflecting and echoing some internal struggle with your writing itself? If so, I wish you well in overcoming and continuing to strive with whatever it is you are facing. Good will to you, and well done as scenes go.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks for the comment and feedback, Arith.

        As you may well know, sometimes I overindulge in being cryptic, and this time this flaw certainly showed up its ugly head. I tend to write about some ideas but leave things open enough for the reader to fill in blanks as they see fit (and usually in doing so I receive back new views on my stories, sometimes some different interpretations and, sometimes, even new stories altogether!), but sometimes I struggle in getting to the right dosage.

        What I have in mind with that Multiplicity is conflating the idea of Inspiration with the Muses… and, while considering the different lists of Muses that exist, I decided on my particular interpretation of it being that both the Three Muses model (Boeotian Muses) and the Nine Muses model (Olympian muses) were right. So the way I envisioned it is with an Entity that is multifaceted, but chooses to present just one facet while interacting with someone. This one facet is always one of the Nine Muses (in the case of this story, the “One” that is part of the “Nine” is supposed to be Terpsichore), but even when one of the Nine Facets is used, it embodies the Three Boetian ones as well (Aoide – song or tune, Metlete – practice or occasion and Mneme – memory).

        That was what I had in mind, originally. But I didn’t want to spell it all out, as I usually prefer to see what others will build as their own way of navigating the story. But sometimes, this just don’t work, and I think this time it was a bit too strange and a bit too cryptic.

        Anyway, thanks a lot for the feedback. As I said before, I struggle in finding the correct dosage of “strangeness” and “confusion”, and it is important to know when I go too far with it.

    4. This is so good.

      I honestly had difficulty trying to identify the significance of one, three and nine, like they were some sort of code. But upon rereading it it became clear they weren’t identified yet, and the conversation revealed that they were more like ideas that were developing. Thoughts that introduced themselves vaguely but were alluring in their mystery.

      The viewpoint character didn’t understand them and showed that frustration towards them, as well as obsession shown by writing after announcing they’re tired.

      In the end they took the offer to dance around with ideas through paper and screen. And it really relates to the emotions a writer goes through in trying to create an idea, make an idea work, and finish it.

      Now have like you beautiful person.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for the comment and feedback, Joe.

        I initially had a very specific interpretation about why I used that confusing entity (with all the Ones, Threes and Nines there ; I tried explaining what I originally had on my mind in my reply to Arith’s comment), but I just love when other interpretations make the story grows in new directions. They could well be ideas that aren’t yet clear and are nagging at the writer, and until he just accepts how confusing then can be and actually start writing… well, then they can start taking form. This makes a lot of sense, and, in a way, still goes hand in hand with what I tried to convey. I love this reading of it.

        And once again you manage to explain your reading of it using some amazing imagery of your own. This is beautiful wordcraft here. Thanks a lot for it!

  17. Pax Demonius Inception [A Devil’s Tale]
    C. M. Weller

    Thanks to his most recent murder, he was a king. Thanks to owning everything the last lordship bought into battle with them, these folks around the table were his vassals. The wrong move could lead to him becoming an emperor. Everyone here, including the Hellkin king by conquest, recognised that.

    Neither side wanted to see what would happen if he became an emperor.

    “Power,” said the Hellkin, holding a gold statuette in one hand. He held up an accounts book in the other, “Responsibility. You need to keep both in the balance. No more weighing one over the other.” By his gesture, he indicated that they all thought the power was more important. He put his props down. “You currently have your freedom. Most of the people making your wealth do not.” Those burning eyes bored into each of them. “You WILL change that imbalance.”

    The remaining lords of Olikent looked to each other. Daring someone else to speak up for their wants. To explain how much they truly needed solid gold dinnerware and bathing chambers.

    But this was the Thrice-Sworn King. Doom of everything they knew. People who opposed him wound up murdered in the night, and getting murdered in the night could be catching.

    Lord Thanbula Severina dared raise her hand and say, “How do we do that, your highness?”

    King Kormwind flinched a little at that honourific. “There are laws from Whitekeep, which I have given you. And a reminder that NOBODY is above the law. A King may make them, but a King must also suffer to obey them, and listen to the people in regards to what works. There are also instructions on where to find the money for the reforms.”

    Lord Visconti blurted, “STRIP my palace of VALUABLES?”

    “I see you’ve reached page five,” said the King. “You know how I rose to this position. You know that you can be replaced if you do not reform. Play nice, play along, and play fair, and that will not be necessary. You will be amazed to find that you can still profit by other means.”

    1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      Haha, he had it coming quite a bit. Can’t wait to see more.

      1. Well you know where the link to my GoogDrive folder is :3

    2. Oh no! How will they survive without their solid gold flatware?!?!

      This while thing reminds me of a conversation I had recently about greed and power. How people want it to abuse it or otherwise show off how much “better” they are than everyone else. And in a society like that one it becomes entrenched in the mindset. “I’m better at making money than everyone else so I AM better than everyone else.”

      I, personally, look forward to Kosh shoving their faces into humble pie. And holding them there.

      1. Sudden mental image of Kosh holding a face into humble pie and saying, “Start chewing or suffocate!”

        I love it

  18. Mysten Noire Avatar
    Mysten Noire

    Another Proposition (Broken)
    By Mysten Noire Silver

    “I can provide you with the paths and other more… crucial intel, let’s say. All I want is for you to take me safely to the destination. That’s all.”

    Raised brows, skeptical looks. Her battle-hardened face frowned in thought. Her lips twitched. Signs of refusal and disbelief, a typical first reaction.

    In response, a serious look distorted my lackadaisical demeanor. I silenced her half-open lips with a finger.

    “I know what you want to say. Who would want to be escorted into the Shadow Forest and not out?”

    I moved my finger back swiftly, glancing at the rest of the tavern to elicit a sense of secrecy. The three behind the leader looked at each other and moved to cover this corner table further. I spoke slowly in a low tone that raised their curiosity for ‘forbidden knowledge’.

    “He sounds reasonable, but should we trust this guide??”

    The leader glanced at the whispering man and the quiet androgynous person beside him who nodded at her before she answered.

    “We used treasure bounties as guise for our reconnaissance mission in the Shadow Forest. Since the mission was due to increases in missing adventurer groups, we need further precautions.”

    “We’re very aware,” the last member walked into the conversation, “That he may scam us or even be the perpetrator. I’ve checked every person he greeted and nodded. His background is legit. Almost everybody knows him in this town.”

    The skeptical duo looked at each other before nodding, choosing to trust their leader.

    I left the shadows and ‘returned’ from beyond their sensory range with ‘exploration supplies’.

    Quiet returns to the forest after a successful day at ‘work’. I clean my home and inhale the sinister energy of the new moon over the forest.

    Strands of shadows twist themselves at the forest’s edge into a different body I can use.

    As I walk familiarly through the town and tavern, I hypnotize every ‘familiar’ human I greeted. When a group seems interested in my home, I approach them.

    “I have an attractive proposition for you lot.”

    I start with a lackadaisical demeanor.

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      I enjoy the sinister nature of the narrator. Definitely feels like a dark fairy or a vampire or other unfriendly being.

      One point in the story feels like the words are clunky:

      Where you say “the man and the person”. I understand not wanting to specify the gender of the person, but it makes the rhythm of the sentence feel jilted.

      I would try one of the following:

      “The man and his companion”
      “The people”
      “The two adventurers”
      ” The duo”
      ” The two”

      I hope these help.

      But otherwise, very nicely done!

      1. Mysten Noire Avatar
        Mysten Noire

        Thank you very much for your thoughts and advice! I think I passed through that phrase so much that it didn’t feel too wrong anymore so your advice was very helpful. I’m glad you enjoyed this little piece ^_^

    2. writingspirit Avatar
      writingspirit

      Like WriterofThought brought up, I enjoyed the dark fae-like vibes of the narrator. In my opinion, the ending would be a bit stronger if you ended it on the dialogue line. Maybe merging your current last sentence with the paragraph before it even?

      For example:

      When a group seems interested in my home, I approach them while wearing a carefree demeanor.

      “I have an attractive proposition for you lot.”

      1. Mysten Noire Avatar
        Mysten Noire

        Yes, I also agree that the ending could’ve been stronger, perhaps if I had switched the last two lines. However, I intended to hint at a little something by using similar atypical words. Let’s say, this piece was meant to be a little… loop. I wonder if I successfully conveyed it.

        Still. Thank you very much for your thoughts and advice! ^_^

  19. Yelena and Steven, Sitting in a Tree
    By Marx

    As Yelena rested her back against the Old One’s hulking form, she reveled in how her hand looked in his.

    His hand was so much larger than hers. She also enjoyed how her light complexion contrasted against the pitch blackness of his own. How his skin was reflective and hard to the touch like a stone, whereas hers was more human in nature.

    The differences made her smile.

    “So, how does this work?” Yelena asked, tracing her finger along each of his.

    “My hand?” He asked with a smirk. “I’m pretty sure it works similar to yours.”

    Yelena playfully scowled up at him but otherwise let his puckishness slide. “You know what I mean. Me giving you a name. Is there a ceremony to it? Do I simply say ‘Hi Steven,’ and that’s that? Steven isn’t your name, by the way.”

    The Old One chuckled. “I will find any name you honor me with as beautiful as I find you. But to answer your question, just as one’s soulmate chooses a name for their other half, they also choose the ceremony. It may be as casual or extravagant as you wish. Do you have something in mind?”

    Yelena focused even more on his hand as her face turned a steady crimson. “It is silly…”

    The Old One used his free hand to embrace his soulmate even more and smiled warmly down at her. “I have no issue with silly.”

    “I… find human courting rituals to be… fascinating. When they tie themselves to each other, they do so with a kiss.”

    “And what is this kiss? Where would we find one?”

    Yelena’s eyes bulged, her body freezing where it was. A myriad of thoughts passed her mind before she finally opened her lips to answer.

    “I’m just teasing you.” The Old One chuckled. “I know what a kiss is.”

    Yelena slowly turned her head up to him with a glare. “Steven is sounding very tempting right now.”

    “Would I still get to kiss you?”

    “That depends… Is that something you’d want to do?”

    “With you?” The Old One grinned. “Gladly.”

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      I love the idea of an eternal being struggling with mortal concepts like kissing.

      I love it even more in that he knew all along and it was a tease.

      This relationship gets cuter and cuter every time I see it. Reminds me of Ancient Magus Bride, but I might have said that already.

      Excellent fluff. Much feels.

      1. Thank you so much. I’m happy you enjoyed it! And I’m not too familiar with Ancient Magus Bride, so I’ll have to look that up.

    2. writingspirit Avatar
      writingspirit

      This is such a fun take on the prompt. I love the idea of an immortal being with no name gleefully participating in human novelties with his loved one.

      Take this with a grain of salt, but in my opinion, it might have been good to combine the first two small sections together. That way, “the differences made her smile” sentence being on its own would get more visual attention and novelty if that makes sense.

      1. Aah I can see where you’re coming from with that. Gotcha.

        Thank you so much for the review! I’m glad you enjoyed the story. It is very fun delving more and more into these two.

    3. Shinigama Avatar
      Shinigama

      Steven the Old One. Reminds me of Tim the Enchanter.

      But this was a very fun and inventive take on the prompt. You write the dialogue very well, conveying the contrast between an ordinary human and an Old One, who for all his cosmic knowledge is still fascinated by what humans find mundane and normal.

      Loved your piece, well done!

    4. Berith Quinn Avatar
      Berith Quinn

      There’s something about this that is so wholesome and romantic, that it’s quite hard to put into words. It is a beautiful moment, captured in words most elegantly and yet a little coyly.

      But I do especially enjoy the little jests he makes. On one hand, it’s easy to assume an entity that is so old to be rather removed from human concepts. Yet at the same time, you’ve made him more human than some people in real life.

    5. I like this story. It was really fun. The banter between Yelena and Steven was really entertaining to watch and honestly, really sweet. Steven teasing Yelena with his comment on kisses was especially fun.

      I do love a good, cute couple and these two really tick all the boxes for me. Cute banter, silly teasing and all around gentle sweetness. Steven seems so innocent and Yelena really flustered, but in a good way. (And yes, Steven the Old One is what I’m thinking of him as right now.) I hope these two have a happy ending.

      Well written!

  20. WriterOfThought Avatar
    WriterOfThought

    An Offer Twice Given, Once Received
    WriterOfThought

    The hard-fought battle had been won by the skin of their teeth. Everyone was busy recovering, and Rheesa quietly followed the Captain into the woods where the dragon had attacked from only minutes before.

    He stood stoic on the spot where it had first caught them by surprise. But it shouldn’t have caught HIM by surprise. He was the famous Captain Melton Thornbristle, the man who singlehandedly took down the Black Eyed Bandits, the owner of many titles and honors, and posessor of the keenest senses the Elusian continent had ever seen. In frustration, he sulked against a tree and beat his fist into the ground.

    Rheesa stole by his side once he had calmed down slightly. She wanted to help him the way he had helped her escape those bandits from which he gained his first taste of fame. The ones which had been the only people to ever scar her porcelain skin, other than herself.

    “My offer still stands,” she told him, gently. The last time she had offered to turn him, she was newly rescued and wanted to find any way to repay the Captain for rescuing a monster like herself.

    This time, he actually thought about it.

    “Does it hurt?” he asked.

    “I don’t know,” she said. “I’ve never tried it before.”

    “Well,” he said, trying to laugh at the situation, and failing. “Neither have I. We both be in the same boat.”

    He thought about it once more. How much more could he protect the people he cared about if he never had to worry about silly things like sickness or growing old. How much better could he fight if he didn’t have to breathe? How much more good could he do if he never died?

    “I think I’ll take ye up on that offer, Rheesa,” he said.

    With nervousness and trepidation, they both got closer, senses on higher alert than they had ever been before. The only sense that faded away was the sense of time, as the world seemed to stop as the transformation occurred in that spot in the woods.

    1. This was a really cool take on the prompt. I love the idea of a hero with loads of accolades who’s begun to realize they’re losing a step, as all mortals eventually do. And I’m a huge fan of Captain’s selfless nature, which is introduced early on. That even power and immortality are just ways to protect others better.

      That’s pretty wholesome and it makes me hope that it remains once he becomes an immortal. I’d assume it’s a vampire, but the fact that you don’t blatantly say that actually raises the intrigue that little bit more. Loved this story and hope to see more of it.

      1. WriterOfThought Avatar
        WriterOfThought

        I’m glad you enjoyed the story! I’m especially glad that you enjoyed Melton so much. He’s quite a fun character and I don’t get to write him as much as I’d like to.

        Rheesa is, in fact, a vampire, but the specifics of that weren’t necessary for this bit.

        Fun fact, I HAVE written these two before in the submissions before, but they were separate. Rheesa was in “Let’s Calm Down, Shall We” with the private group and Melton was the Captain in the one I wrote in the public chat for the same prompt.

  21. Adrian Solorio Avatar
    Adrian Solorio

    Burning Bridges
    By Adrian Solorio

    When news of the suicide breaks it shocks everyone but you. The secretary is the first to know and, as usual, she wastes no time spreading the story, even texting people at home. Did you hear about Kenny? Word spreads like an oil spill. Why? How? They cluster in a group around your desk. Such a waste, they say, shaking their heads, acting the part. Weren’t you his friend?

    You don’t know how to answer, so you don’t.

    At lunch, while everyone goes to the pavilion, you stay at your desk. Everyone understands. Your boss even comes by and squeezes your shoulder, scrunching his face the way men do when they want to say, I feel your pain.

    You look out the office window, at the pavilion, at the lunch table, where the secretary and the boss sit. The place where it all started. She was always the most vicious, you remember, and now look at her. Shuddering and sobbing like she cared. Such a fake, pretending she ever felt anything for him besides disgust.

    Were you any better?

    No. Not when it mattered.

    When it mattered, you were just as bad as them. You recall the day that led to today. It was lunchtime, and everyone: the secretary, the boss, the sales team–the in crowd–packed one table, while you and Kenny, still a few months new, sat together alone.

    That day, the secretary invited you over to sit with them. And you did. You apologized to Kenny and went over. He smells, and he’s awkward, she said. Why does every IT guy have to be awkward, she asked, and stared, blank-faced, gauging you.

    He’s a little weird, you admitted. She laughed. Everyone laughed, but Kenny and you. You never sat with him again after that. After that you avoided him around others. And behind his back you even joined in the laughter.

    ****
    I’ve never fit in, Kenny said, when you first met. I’m a bit of a weirdo. Never had many friends.

    We’re all a little weird, you said, and smiled. Don’t worry. I’ll be your friend.

  22. Several, Actually (Chronicles of The Dragon)
    By Makokam

    Thomas sat at his workbench, in the near silence of his workshop, only the quiet hum of machinery and scraping of metal on metal. The damaged part of his power armor set aside as he worked on a coffeemaker. A simple but time consuming task, and one that would distract him from actual problems for a bit.

    Jostica opened the door and walked in. It’d been almost a year since she last knocked. Thomas had taken to just locking the door if there was anything unsafe for anyone to walk into.

    She came over and sat on the table, the spot he always kept clear for her. “I’ve been thinking,” she said.

    Thomas reflexively tensed. Then relaxed as he told himself this was Jostica; unofficial co-leader of their team and wizard prodigy, she could have been thinking about dozens of things.

    “This thing we’ve been doing.”

    “What do you mean?”

    “Our relationship.” Now Thomas froze completely. “I’m sick of it. It’s stupid. I don’t want to do it anymore.”

    “I…” he said, his mind racing, thinking over the time they’d spent together, all the times he knew it was too good to last, “I’m sorry to hear that.”

    “Yeah? Well things are gonna change. No more of this holding hands behinds everyone’s back. No sneaking around just to steal a kiss. No more pretending we aren’t head over heels for each other.”

    Thomas felt like his brain was short circuiting. He didn’t understand what she was saying.

    “I’m fucking sick of waiting for everybody else to be gone just so we can cuddle on the fucking couch!”

    “So,” he said, his super genius brain suddenly feeling like a hamster wheel without a hamster, “What do you want to do about it?”

    “We’re giving it up. Tomorrow I’m going to go get a new dress, and you’re going to pick out your favorite restaurant, and we’re going to go out on a date. Then we’re coming back here and having sex.”

    “Oh,” he said. “Okay.”

    “Good.” She leaned over and kissed his head, then hopped off the table and walked out.

    1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      Been in that kind of relationship. A few months and I was bored, but DANG! Years? No wonder she wants this. Love the multiple uses of the word. Keep it going.

      1. That sucks.
        But it’s been more like A year, not multiple.

        Thanks for commenting!

    2. Shippeddddd. I love them together ❤️

    3. NICE way to do the reverse bait and switch! I love how you set it up for a breakup but made it really about uncloseting their relationship and freeing themselves from restrictions regarding their relationship.

      I love the way this is done. This is me, taking notes.

  23. Shinigama Avatar
    Shinigama

    Vacation Impossible
    by Shinigama

    Kenny smiled as he lay on the warm white sand, letting the gentle breeze blow over him. I really deserve this, he thought. No proper holiday for two years. And now a nice little break under the Spanish sun.

    He began to scroll through his iPod. Some Matt Monro on a day like this? Or maybe The Kinks for this sunny afternoon?

    His thumb stopped suddenly. What’s this? SCP Proposition? Where’d that come from, he thought. Curious, he clicked on it.

    A formal male voice spoke to him.

    “Good afternoon, Agent Kenneth,” it said.

    “Oh no,” groaned Kenny.

    “I hope you are enjoying your time off.”

    “I was until you came along.”

    “There has been a serious situation, and we believe you are the best man for the job.”

    “What happened this time?”

    “One of our clients, a secret scientific institute known as the SCP Foundation, is requesting our aid in retrieving a highly dangerous entity that escaped from one of their ultra-secure facilities.”

    “Well, it’s not very secure now, is it?”

    “Your mission, should you choose to accept it, involves finding and detaining a creature known as Talebot. Talebot takes the form of a sentient robot. Before its capture, it ran an online cult known as Tale Foundry. It reached out to aspiring writers and encouraged them to write short stories based on weekly prompts. It fed off the emotions of the writers as they crafted their works, gaining more power over time. For what purpose, that is unknown but assume malevolent intentions. For the next steps, take the 20:30 flight to Houston and meet Agent Kaylie. She will provide more details.

    This message will self-delete in five seconds.”

    Kenny threw the iPod down. He’d really been looking forward to this break for a long while. And now to be forced back to work like this! He really didn’t want to accept this mission-

    Wait a moment! ‘Your mission SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT.’ So, he was allowed a choice.

    Kenny grinned and lay back down. That Houston flight was going to be one passenger short.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Well, well, look what we have here…

      There has been so many stories describing Tale Foundry and its community as a cult, that maybe, just maybe, I’m starting to think it might as well be… Is it?

      Well, maybe that’s not for me to answer. Who knows what or who might be listening to.

      So… this was a curious one. Seems a bit like it has a lot of elements mashed, and this gives me a strange feeling. Considering there is the whole secret society, cultish and secret agent aspect going on, maybe the mixing of all those words we have seem in other places might help in the building of paranoia (in a sense, it reminded me a bit of how the first Deus Ex went the route of using ALL THE CONSPIRACY THEORIES as a way to reinforce the theme of a secret world and control from behind the curtain, and I only use such comparison as compliment)… but you seem to go in another direction. The trappings of these elements are there, and the lore that the story relies on is that as well, but the theme and tone seem to be more about the contrast between what at first seem to be a mandatory mission interruption a well-deserved and necessary vacation and the revelation that Kenneth can indeed choose not to go on this one.

      And so, what comes to the forefront in the comedic and almost relaxing aspect of that ending. Hope there is another one to save the world, but I’m taking my vacation, thank you very much.

      Overall, I think this piece works very well. I think it could land it a little better if we spend a little more time at the beginning describing how much Kenneth really needs that vacation (perhaps emphasizing the danger and stress of previous missions, which would also put the new one in perspective), but parsing different parts of a story in such strict word limits is a challenge in itself.

      Great work, that was very entertaining! Thanks for sharing!

  24. Tamela Redfin Avatar
    Tamela Redfin

    Can’t bargain my feelings

    By Tamela Redfin

    Augen walked to his cellar, grinning gleefully while passing his new electric baton from hand to hand. Someone had to be the test subject, and it wasn’t going to be him. Instead it was going to be that annoying teenage cretin and experiment, Glenn.

    “Glenn, are you down there?” He called.

    “Go to hell, Augen,” Glenn snapped. He stared at Augen from his cell and laid a hand on a photo.

    Augen noticed the photo and his blood boiled. “Where did you get that?!”

    “You left it here, remember? You know, she’s really pretty. From her soft porcelain skin to her strawberry blonde locks and her lovely blue eyes…”

    “That’s my daughter, you cretin!” He shouted, his head spinning.

    “She is? Welp, she clearly got her looks for her mother. Will I ever get to meet her?”

    “No! I don’t want your dirty paws on her. Besides, her mother filed a restraining order.”

    “Oi, what line did you cross for that to occur?” Glenn was flabbergasted and upset. Upset he’d never get to meet the cute girl.

    “None of your business Glenn. Now shut up or I’ll shove this baton so far down your mouth it comes out your arse.”

    Glenn rolled his eyes and started glowing orange. “How about this deal? You take me to Elenora, and I won’t use my power. I know you’ve lost many clones to my poison and it’s starting to affect you.”

    “A sixteen year old will not…” He heaved for a few minutes before coughing up bile.

    “You were saying, Augen Vene?” He spread his arms and the air around him exploded. Augen quickly fell to the ground and covered his face.

    “Stop using that wrenched power on me!” Augen hissed.

    “Show me Elenora and I will.” Glenn’s eyes now glowed orange too instead of their usual grey. “Because I can do this until the end of time, old man! Try me!”

    “Ugh, just shut up Glenn! You want to see that stupid mess? Sure, let’s go.”

    1. Aww poor Augen getting EXACTLY what he deserves. How can we ever endure the metric tons of popcorn we need while watching the resulting chaos ensue?

      I don’t know if my ribs will ever recover from laughing in the middle of all this schadenfreude. Part of my back-brain is still leaping around and crowing, “You get what you give, asshole!”

      …as if Augen would ever learn.

  25. CodenameRedKrystalMatrix Avatar
    CodenameRedKrystalMatrix

    A Deal, Regret, and Memories
    By CodenameRedKrystalMatrix

    “Welcome.”

    A melancholy hung about those words- that of the evening mist and a promise one could not quite remember. He stood next to him, shuddering a little.

    “How eternal are your quibbles- until you face eternity.”

    “Shut it.”

    His “yes” had been immediate when he’d first been offered. There was nothing left, anyway, he thought. Desperation really could mess with your head. He remembered that numb that nothing could quite relieve. Not drugs, not booze, none of that meditation mumbo-jumbo. He’d just been waiting on him. Just existing, until a breezy September evening. Until the curly-haired woman with the smile that melted a heart.

    Days once in the dark were spent at the beach, park, and gym. The gym- that was a funny one. He’d never set foot in the gym before her. The days never flew by so fast. Until it all came crashing down. She’d been curled up at his side, still asleep. He’d been smiling without really thinking about it- and then it hit him. He’d…break her heart. He’d broken her heart before they’d ever met.

    Idiot. Stupid, dumb-there was a way out, right? Always was a way out. He could negotiate- yeah, that’s what he’d- yeah, right? You don’t negotiate with him. Anyone else, maybe. Not him.

    She didn’t believe him at first. But when the day came, there was nothing else to say, aside from goodbye. She passed by him now, mouth pressed in a thin, bitter line.
    He went on ahead, blew away the dust in her apartment and turned the kettle on. At least he could do that much. A key rattled in the lock. She stepped through and glancing about, her shoulders slumped just a little more.

    “Thanks.”

    Tears unshed, she headed to the bedroom, crawled beneath the covers and fell asleep. He reached out, half-reflex, really.

    “’Night, honey.”

    Just above her warm, mid-toned flesh, his glowed pale. The unearthly ivory of the contract on which, two years ago, he’d last signed his name- right across from the Herald of Death.

  26. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
    Dagmar Makara (dystop)

    The Guilty Hitman
    by dystop

    Seven years ago, the Novac Mafia made a proposition; work as a hitman until I die to pay off my family’s debts or see them wiped out. Not exactly a choice.

    As I crouched on the rooftop of this high-rise, setting up my M24 sniper rifle, the breath of the Grim Reaper once again lingered in the air. Only killers can see it. But at this point, I’m numb to everything.

    Except guilt.

    My prior targets included corrupt CEOs, traitors, murderers, and serious criminals. Like I said, this wasn’t a choice. The only thing stopping my total implosion is that my targets were bad people. But I still feel guilt, a sickness about being an executioner.

    And that’s when she appeared in my scopes. My breath shivered as I seized the communicator in a panic.

    “ARE YOU POSITIVE THIS IS THE TARGET?”

    Please no…

    “YES”, the communicator read.

    My heart skipped so many beats I was sure it could detonate. My palms, usually dead and cold, were dripping sweat. I was shaking with adrenaline so horrifically that I could barely hold the gun.

    The target was a 12-year-old girl. The daughter of someone the Mafia disliked.

    Guilt, a seed that was now sprouting into a monster beyond all control. She was just a kid… but my family… damn it, damn it!

    She was innocent in all of this, I can’t… I must… I can’t… I must…

    Trying to ground myself, I smashed my hand into the concrete with such force that I broke a finger.

    Crying on the job, I repositioned the rifle and hawk-eyed the scope. My hands were still convulsing with nerves and inconceivable shame. But the target was back in sight. Along with a shining glint on an opposite rooftop.

    With my finger on the trigger and sweat pouring down my face…

    A shot rang out.

    I’d been hit in the heart by a rival assassin. That glint I saw earlier was… was… thankyou.

    Fading out, I was grateful to the stranger. I’d worked ‘til my death. Perhaps the Grim Reaper’s breath was for me after all.

    1. Maxer4000 Avatar
      Maxer4000

      I like that the assassin is convinced they’re in the acceptance stage of grief only to realize that they’re still in the bargaining stage. Their action though seems somewhat too erratic for someone who have done many kills before. Yes, that’s an innocent child but the reaction seems very out of what been established prior. The other sniper shot is somewhat out of the blue a bit, there’s the Reaper’s breath allusion but still it’s a bit of a surprise.

    2. CodenameRedKrystalMatrix Avatar
      CodenameRedKrystalMatrix

      Honestly, I felt so relieved for the hitman. I felt his panic and desperation when he realized the target. The words “shining” and “glint” convey the same meaning, so it would likely be more ideal to choose one. That aside, I think that’s it for critique from me. Thank you for posting!

    3. Adrian Solorio Avatar
      Adrian Solorio

      Wow! Awesome story, dude 👏🏼

      It had some noire vibes mixed with futuristic Rainbow six stuff going on. The character had a good voice, the descriptions were on point, and the dilemma was understandable. It had all the essential story elements I could think of, and you did well with kids of showing. His sweating, swearing, and crying were good descriptions. Well done 👍🏽

      Thanks for sharing!

    4. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This was a very interesting “moment of truth” built up. And for such a short story, it has a lot of setting (both in terms of the overall situation of the character, but also of the specific scene). That was some really powerful power of synthesis used here.

      I really like the idea that, even though the sniper hates not having the choice and have to do the dirty deed to protect his family, he still has the need to justify that his victims are not innocent. This makes the scene very powerful when he is unable to do so… and, strangely enough, this makes it all more relatable. Not only since even this killer has a line he is not intending to cross and is suffering by the choice he has to make, but because a lot of us know our jobs are, most of the time, not choices at all (and our survival depends on maintaining the job) and it can be producing some pretty nasty things… and even if one has a job that makes the world a worse place, one can still live with oneself as long as what is done can be justified…

      So, yeah… a bit heavy, as it should be.

      And that ending is great. A bit deus ex machina (or, in this case, counter-sniper ex machina), but it works a lot. Tension built, drama heightened, cathartic ending with a great release.

      Great story, thanks for sharing!

    5. writingspirit Avatar
      writingspirit

      I really love the bookending motif of the grim reaper drawing breath around someone who is about to die, almost as if they’re about to steal the last breath of their victims themselves. For some constructive critique: the other sniper’s shot seemed a bit sudden for the pacing of the scene, but I have a feeling that’s due to the maximum length restrictions of the prompt so I totally get it.

    6. Berith Quinn Avatar
      Berith Quinn

      The thing I like most about this piece, that it isn’t so much about the proposal given to him from the mafia, but the one he gives himself. The bargaining and justification that he’s doing bad things, but it’s ok, because it’s done to bad people. But in this instance it’s different. That sometimes not making a choice is a choice in itself. Rather poetic.

  27. Maxer4000 Avatar
    Maxer4000

    A patriot’s deal
    By Maxer4000

    The head psychic mage stands over his pane glass window, anticipation welling in his chest. Soon enough, it came, he turns over and looks up.

    “You can come down now, Mr. Eye”

    A moment of silence, then the grate crashes down, standing before the head mage is a man clad in a black cloak and a menacing helmet. He smirks

    “Don’t worry your mind, great serpent, my security details are none the wiser.”

    The man in black aims his gun, turning off his helmet’s muffler.

    “Cocky one aren’t ya?”

    His finger then shakes as the head mage stands there still smirking

    “You know full well of my capability yet you still take on the contract for my life. I must say, you are a perplexing one, and don’t bother with the blade”

    “And you could pop me brain here and now, so what’s your angle then eh?”

    The silver pistol drops, the old man strolls over his wine stand

    “Care for some refreshment”

    The black clad fishes out his flask

    “Have mine.”

    “Ah, no traces, I admire your commitment to your job”

    “Get to the point.”

    The old mage looks out his window again

    “Do you know your client?”

    “Anonymous, tracing them now.”

    “No need, come”

    He turns to his computer as he steps back. The gunman walks over and looks, it’s a contract for the corp.

    “Same serial number… you called a hit against yourself.”

    “Quite so, care to hear my tale?”

    The man in black lets out a long sigh, sitting down on a nearby couch

    “Shoot.”

    “The king have betrayed us all for coming after you. So I want my departure to be the catalyst for his fall. He have made a grave sin by his attempt to purge your corporation for his own pride, and he has committed it without the guild’s knowledge”

    “And you’re the head of security of the kingdom, why the hit?”

    “I could not bear to serve him as such. And I have a proposition with you”

    “Which is?”

    “Don’t burn the kingdom down.”

    Gun shot, killer’s unknown, a schematic’s missing.

    1. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
      Dagmar Makara (dystop)

      I absolutely adored this piece of writing! You already had my attention with the assassin but you really, really had my attention when it transpired he contracted the hit on himself. The tension-building is beautifully executed (no pun intended), and for such a small story you have managed to inject an incredibly rich amount of worldbuilding/lore. The dialogue feels very natural and the imagery is great. The head of security’s reasoning for contracting the hit on himself is also an excellent way to conclude the story – although I do love the room for doubt you left towards the end as well.

      Honestly I have zero crticisisms, this is just a fantastic piece.

    2. CodenameRedKrystalMatrix Avatar
      CodenameRedKrystalMatrix

      I loved the dramatic entrance of the assassin. And the fact that the mage’s death serves a political purpose is very tragic. It really goes to show the fallen state of the kingdom. Regarding critique, it’s on the more dialogue-heavy side, so the setting and some details of the look of the characters would have helped it, in my view. That aside, I enjoyed it!

    3. This is an interesting premise. Someone who knows that the power they used to support has turned evil, and decides to initiate the inevitable downfall.

      Mandatory nit: You forgot quite a lot of stops at the ends of your paragraphs. I know chatting in forums doesn’t use them, but you kind of need them for narrative.

      This work kept me guessing right up to the end. Very well done.

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