Writing Group: I’m Never Doing That Again (PRIVATE)

Hello Disgruntled Leaders, Thrill-Seekers, and Promise-Keepers!

Phew, we made it! Alright, did everyone see that? Because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

I’m Never Doing That Again

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

This prompt has almost endless possibilities—from silly to serious, from fantastical, to real. There are many things one might never want to do again.

It’s hard to know where to even start with examples, there are so many to choose from! Someone might try a new or different food and say “I’m never ordering that again!” or “I’m never eating here again!” You could write about a kid on the playground eating worms on a dare, saying they won’t be doing that again after throwing them all up. Perhaps this kid was bullied into doing it, and instead of vowing not to eat worms, they vow “I’m never letting myself get bullied again, I’m gonna stand up to them next time.” Maybe, to complete a mission, one of your characters has to dress up in a way they find silly and/or demeaning, and after they finish said mission they tell their team they’ll never do it again. Maybe someone kisses their crush (or, if you want to make it even spicier, the enemy) even though they’re not supposed to, and says they won’t do it again.

This prompt doesn’t just have to apply to someone who found a situation unpleasant. You could write about someone running from themselves. Perhaps someone is afraid of their own powers—like Aang in the “The Deserter” episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender, vowing he’s never going to Firebend again. I think a number of artists will at one point say, out of fear, frustration, or disappointment, “I’ll never make art again.” when it’d be a very sad thing if they truly didn’t. You could create lots of interesting juxtapositions with this: like a healer vowing not to heal people anymore, because they’re only taken for granted. A ghost vowing to never haunt again because they’ll never be noticed. A villain vowing never to do another evil thing because they believe they’ve changed. 

Along this line…just because someone says they’ll never do something again doesn’t mean they truly won’t. This is where things fall into a more realistic and tragic category. Someone who’s addicted to a substance might say “I’ll never smoke again” or “I’ll never drink again” when you know…they probably will. An abusive person might say “I’ll never hurt you again,” …but you know it’s another tactic to keep you from running. Someone who’s abused—or in any sort of relationship that’s not right for them—might say “I’ll never run back to them” but you know they’ll pick up the phone when they call. 

This prompt touches on our core nature. Sometimes people can say this phrase and really mean it, and truly follow through. But I think more often than anything when we say we won’t do something again we’re trying to change ourselves, convince ourselves…and usually that doesn’t work. Usually we haven’t addressed the deeper issue that keeps us going back to that bad habit, or bad person. 

My challenge for you is to once again take inspiration from your own life. Think about a time when you said “I’m never doing that again” and what happened following. Did you follow through on that promise? Or was it said in a moment of emotion, not really meant? Or did you really mean it, but didn’t follow through? You can use your own life in a variety of ways. You could write an account of the event; you could end the story in a different way than it did in reality; you could use the event/promise as inspiration for a fiction entirely different from the situation it was born from. [And if you do use your own life you can add (Based on a True Story) or (Inspired by a True Story) to your title].

Get out there and get writing. I hope you got all that, because I won’t be saying it again.

—Pearce, Paul, Kaylie, & Derek

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least five stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
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  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
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Comments

57 responses to “Writing Group: I’m Never Doing That Again (PRIVATE)”

  1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    [DM me on Discord for details!]

    1. No joke. You kinda had me the moment I realized this was Savion and the Priest. There’s just something I really love about these two, and I know a lot of it is that this Priest is just… what I wish a lot more figureheads in religion were like.

      Moving along though, I actually read this wrong on the first read. I was assuming the reason Savion felt this murder more was the difference in say… pressing a button and killing someone with a drone strike as opposed to physically strangling someone to death. They’re both murder but there’s a barrier with the first one.

      While I think that has to do with it a little, I think it’s more Savion’s humanity. As a wolf, he probably saw humanity as the “other” but as one of them he doesn’t have the benefit of that separation anymore.

      And I think it says a lot about Savion that he doesn’t simply blame it on the magic. He admits that whether he killed on purpose or not, that he didn’t feel as guilty about it as he should have. And I ADORE that the priest doesn’t judge him for this, or at all.

      One thing I will say is that the Priest came off a little naive with “Morals?” as a response to why Savion chose murder over enslavement/being exposed. I think most people would agree that maybe murder shouldn’t be the go to, but if you’re being threatened with enslavement or a loss of freedom, violence would be an understandable self defense mechanism to avoid either.

      Especially since anyone who would even try to control Savion is most likely not a good person by default. If you want to control Savion, then you want his power. It’s not like you’d want Savion’s powers to… run a farm or feed the starving children or something. But I also get that the morals line comes back in the end lol so that’s just me nitpicking.

      But going back to the barrier thing, the way you described Savion looking at his bloody hands does let me know that my first reading wasn’t entirely wrong. I’m assuming he didn’t kill her with magic. I suppose the blood could be symbolic but its described like he’d absolutely felt her literal blood on his hands and he was experiencing a flashback, all of which would be more visceral than using magic.

      Either way this comes across as very powerful. You really feel Savion’s regret in this which makes that hopeful last line very necessary to end this on a good note, especially with Savion begrudgingly admitting that he won’t kill again. That him feeling compassion and empathy is a good thing. It just doesn’t feel that way when you’ve done something bad. But that’s kinda the whole point, isn’t it?

      Amazing take on the prompt!

    2. What a powerful piece! I’ve been enjoying these stories with Savion and the priest, they’ve been an interesting way to showcase Savion’s life without showing him actually committing the acts. It also allows you to focus more on dialogue, and save more of your limited words without having to do much scene setting. This scene is no different, and the emotions carry through very well. Great job!

  2. Norman Gray Avatar
    Norman Gray

    I Love You, I Need Help, I Want Hope
    By Norman Gray

    ‘I love you.’

    I said those words a long time ago, and by the time she finally said it back, I no longer felt the same way… All I had left was the certainty that if we stayed together, I’d put her through hell.

    I wasn’t well. I needed help.

    Spending an intimate amount of time with someone only reassured me of how fucked up my life was by comparison… Every bit of self-analysis, every attempt at self improvement only revealed the problem to be worse than I ever realized, and it left me once again feeling hopeless.

    I don’t want to be in a relationship again. I don’t want to hurt someone or waste their time. I have to learn to love myself, if I ever hope to love someone else.

    “I’m not well. I need help.” I told them.

    “It’s just the weather we’re having,” Dad told me. “It gets people down.”

    “Therapists are just pill pushers,” Mom said.

    “Just be a man,” my brother told me. “Only women act like this.”

    When I confided in my brother that I struggle to find enjoyment in anything, that I felt nothing at all… He laughed in my face.

    ‘I need help.’ Those three words terrify me. The vulnerability of placing my fate in the hands of others, giving them the opportunity to rub salt in my wounds… Hoping they have more than just ‘good intentions.’

    I can’t do it anymore. I feel like I’ve exhausted my trust. When the faulty wiring in my brain makes me treat every potential friend like a certain foe, what can I do? How do you seek help for your crippling fear of seeking help?

    I’m tired of giving people the chance to hurt me, and I worry that this anxiety will eventually be the death of me. I can’t even bring myself to talk to another therapist. I’m sick of them. Sick of doctors. Sick of beating my head against the wall…

    But I’m also sick of spending every waking moment, as if I’m just waiting to die…

    I want hope.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This is too close to comfort, so I think I’m in a position that is at once quite good to comment on this, and also one of the worse ones. I can’t read this narrative without “comparing notes”, and that has its own share of advantages and problems. But let me just start by saying I feel it. I read it, and it sounds a lot like an echo of how some questions reverberate in my own life. So the least I can say is that it communicates, and it presents a part of the struggle in dealing with oneself and one’s own life that I’m quite familiar with, but don’t usually see being addressed.

      Hope is a difficult thing to deal with. And a difficult thing to discuss.

      And when we are in a very bad relation with ourselves, it is quite easy to justify isolation – and the continuation of that relation with oneself. This part here is quite relatable, and you managed to put it in very clear words: “I don’t want to be in a relationship again. I don’t want to hurt someone or waste their time. I have to learn to love myself, if I ever hope to love someone else.” This is very, very sad, and it express how even relating to others and wanting to be with others can feel and be like having to put an effort that is out of our capacity.

      And this is specially difficult once we don’t really believe we can do it. When we feel like we are out of the resources needed to even try it again.

      “I can’t do it anymore. I feel like I’ve exhausted my trust.” I know how this feel, and I know how terrible that feels like. Without trusting that something can be different, how can one even try making it different? To be honest, I don’t really have an answer to that yet.

      “I want hope.” This is not a particularly hopeful ending. In fact, it denotes that hope is what is lacking. And I really understand it, since I feel like that as well. Not a hopeful ending, but an incredibly honest one. And I feel like wanting to have hope, even if we can’t feel hope yet… that’s quite important. That is a very important sign of health. And being able to express it is also a sign of health, even if it also brings up the problem of not feeling hopeful yet.

      This must have been hard to write and to share. It was not particularly easy to read as well – and in this narrative, I’m pointing this out as a merit of the writing, not a problem. It communicate something difficult, and it keeps those wounds open – not only yours, but also those of people who deal with similar feelings and thoughts. But I am grateful that you shared it.

      Thanks for writing and sharing this one. I hope you the best, and I hope that hope finds you.

    2. The Missing Link Avatar
      The Missing Link

      Well that’s relatable. You really sold the responses you get from people too, the biggest problem with mental health, society’s insistence that it isn’t important. It becomes hard to justify vulnerability to yourself when time after time it results in getting stabbed in the chest, but without help, it never ends, which creates the hardest paradox to escape. This is all conveyed really well.

  3. The Illusion of Control (Chronicles of The Dragon)
    By Makokam

    Scribe and Jostica held tightly to Jonathan as scales fell from his body, disintegrating in the wind. His burning eyes faded to slits of flame. His tension eased, but did not leave completely.

    “Let go,” he growled, shrugging out of their grasp. “I have to go. Scribe’s power won’t hold me for long.” He took one step then leapt off into the distance.

    Jostica started to pursue, but then her shoulders drooped. She turned to Scribe. “Guess I should get you back.” And teleported them away.

    Ultima glowered at Sol, pushing herself up, wincing. “I’m going home, getting a shower, then I’m going to sleep for thirty-two hours.”

    “You should go to the medi-” Sol started, but she flew off.

    Alone, Sol stood at the edge of the deep crater he’d made attempting to restrain Jonathan Rose, The Dragon. He heaved a sigh before his strength faded, and he slowly lowered himself to the ground. He coughed, feeling something running down his throat. He sniffed. And down his face. He sniffed again before lifting his mask up, wiping the blood from his nose.

    It had been a long time since his powers had caused him mental strain. Even longer since that strain became physical.

    The last time he’d had to hold The Dragon back, they’d been in a crumbling, burning, city. He’d chosen to let go and save the civilians instead. But how many more had The Dragon gone on to kill?

    If he’d held on, could the others have taken it down? Could any of them have really done anything to it? Just now he’d been pushing his limits to hold it down, and it’d kept getting back up. He hadn’t even been fully transformed this time.

    He wiped away another trickle of blood.

    Did he ever have it under control? Was he only telling himself he’d let it go?

    They needed a plan. A way to stop him for sure if Jonathan ever lost it again.

    Repositioning his mask, he stood up.

    And maybe a way to stop Ultima, if she kept picking fights with him.

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      I’m sorry to say that I don’t have any specific compliments for this story, I just like it… It’s got tension, thrills, and all the good stuff. Overall, it’s a good read and I’m happy you posted it.

      I do however have two concerns: 1.) In general, it isn’t a problem to have this, but for 350 words you have a quite a few names and titles getting thrown around, and that can cause potential issues like confusing the action or speech of one character for another; and 2.) I get what you were going for with the last few lines, but I think interspersing ideas/thoughts between actions (or vice-versa) to me works best when said thoughts come directly from the character who is doing the action (and not the omniscient narrator with very little direct involvement).

    2. Awww, poor guy. You really feel for Sol here. You did a great job in the beginning of setting the situation up when you had so much to set up. But you got it all across. Jonathan was the threat and now that threat was over and Sol was left alone in the aftermath of it all.

      And you do genuinely feel how weary he is when you describe the injuries and just the generalized idea of how clearly beaten down he is. We’ve all had that moment where we did the thing and then in the aftermath, we’re plagued with self doubt about what we could have done better. And this story really makes you feel that.

      As far as criticisms, I kinda feel… Ultima wasn’t necessary for this story. As someone who knows the world and the situation, I totally get that she’s important as the catalyst of sorts. But in the sense of this being written as a standalone, the reader doesn’t know that until the last line. And since the story is about Sol’s weariness fighting Jonathan, you probably could have left it with just Scribe and Jostica with Jonathan leaving at the beginning.

      I also felt the “He sniffed. And down his face.” didn’t quite work. I’m assuming you meant the blood was down his throat as well as running down his face but there was something off to me about the way it was phrased.

      That said, this far from ruined the story for me and this was a great take on the prompt. Well done!

  4. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    Not Again (Life of Madness)
    by Lee Strangely

    Shiloh’s isolated house was remarkably well-kept, not to mention quite homely. It was oddly warm and welcoming, prepared for visitors despite being perched so far from them.

    From the kitchen Shiloh asked aloud, “Could I get you something to drink?” He waited for an answer as the glass in his hand grew heavier. “Maddy?” Once the water stopped running, he could only hear one sound.

    Thump-thump-thump-thump-thump…

    Shiloh peeked around the corner, “Maddy?”

    Thump-thump-thump-thump-thump…

    Even without her mud-stained hiking boots, her feet tapping on the old wood floor still dominated the room. Maddy though, didn’t really notice the sound. Unlike the rest of her, her head seemed almost statuesque, permanently entranced by the open window next to her.

    Thump-thump-thump-thump-thump…

    “Maddy?”

    “Oh, sorry,” she finally responded, her foot finally stopping, “no thank you.”

    “You alright?”

    “Alright? Yeah, yeah. Perfectly alright.”

    Without so much as a second of silence passing, Shiloh immediately heard another lighter tapping. Even though Maddy’s feet were still, her hand continued to rap away on the chair-arm.

    “Okay, I’ll bite,” Shiloh asked, “what’s your dad doing in the backseat of your car?”

    “I resurrected him.”

    “I noticed that… but why? I thought you hated him.”

    “I wanted to bring him back, so he can die again…”

    “Okay that makes more sense.”

    “Look I’m sorry; I’m basically barging in on you and dragging you into something all over again like before and…”

    “No, no you’re not. It’s fine. It’s okay, I don’t hold any of that against you. Your mother wasn’t there, you were emotional. It’s all fine. Honestly, I don’t deal with the dead anymore anyway…” Shiloh took a sip, “So what do you need help with?”

    “I need you to find Dad’s soul.”

    Shiloh choked.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Ok, that ending got me surprised. I don’t know, maybe that story is just so different from what I’ve learned to expect from these two – high octane madness and antics all along, and this time, we really started in another note. This seems very introspective, calm even.

      And that’s great. There are bits of character growth throw in that are still connected to the characters we remember. They are themselves, but different. Now, they can have a more mature conversation and not be taken by the moment as much as before. They can better communicate, understand themselves and each other.

      And then we get to the ending, where we know madness has changed, but is not absent. Antics will ensue, sure. We just don’t know how that will be know. And that’s exciting!

      Thanks for sharing this one, I love it!

  5. MasaCur Avatar

    Hard Pass Next Time
    By MasaCur

    The tiny outboard motor chugged as the boat made its way slowly across the lake. At the rear of the boat, Erykah manned the tiller, guiding it around.

    Sonja looked around the moonlit locale. “So, you kept mentioning the Bear Lake monster on the way up here, but I can’t help but notice, we’re in Nevada.”

    “Yup,” Erykah replied.

    “And Bear Lake is in Utah.”

    “Uh huh. I think we’re dealing with a similar creature. Maybe some kind of prehistoric beast like a mosasaur. Or a primitive…dragon.”

    “Not all dragons are the same,” Sonja said. “An intelligent Draco sapien has about as much in common with a basilisk as a human does with a lemur.” She looked around the lake. “So the plan is to just motor about on the lake all night until we find it?”

    Erykah shrugged sheepishly. “Well, we are towing around the hind quarter of a cow. Hopefully that attracts it. I was thinking about hooking up a fishing sonar, but there’s always the chance that that could also drive it away.”

    Sonja blinked. “So, not really a plan then. Any idea about how long…”

    She was cut off as the boat suddenly jerked backwards. It started to reverse, and the motor was smoking. Erykah shut it off and pulled it out of the water.

    The rope holding the bait snapped and the two women stared at one another.

    “We should get going,” Erykah said.

    Sonja opened her mouth, but couldn’t say anything as a dark mass emerged from the water, engulfed the front half of the boat, and swallowed it, Sonja included.

    Erykah tried to prepare a spell as the remainder of the boat started to sink.

    A large, crocodilian head emerged from the water, its mouth wide open. And it seemed to be gagging. It lifted its head, and she could see a growing mass in its throat. Suddenly, it exploded, spraying her in blood and guts. A flash of gold dove into the ocean.

    Seconds later, Sonja, now a golden dragon, emerged.

    “Next time, I’d rather not get eaten by the lake monster.”

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      I’m not familiar with these two but they are quite a pair, I can tell.

      I especially love how natural their banter seems. They clearly have a sisterly relationship if they aren’t actually sisters

      It also kinda reads like a scene from Gravity Falls, so excellently done!

  6. DaLeen Avatar

    Damsel In Distress?
    By Taja DaLeen

    “I won’t ever be saving you again, you batcrap insane woman!”

    “Aww, I love you too, Hones.”

    The young man glared at the currently pink haired girl, not at all happy about the turn of events.

    They had just been on their way back home, when a rogue group of Asmodis worshiping witches attacked them and kidnapped his friend.

    It didn’t help that she was a rare life elemental fae, meaning she had a connection to Asmodis – which sadly was quite known among people from the Other World – and also she didn’t even resist being kidnapped.

    She thought it was fun.

    He didn’t know if it was the being taken away part, the part where she gets to chatter at new people, or the one where he rescues her.

    He really should stop doing that, she was hardly a damsel, and definitely not in distress.

    “Tch, shut it. You think this is fun for me? Why can’t you just defend yourself for once? I know you’re more than capable enough.”

    Arms crossed he waited for her to say something. Or do something, anything. But she just stood there, apparently deep in thought.

    He wondered what she was thinking about…

    Probably nothing good. She was such a mad lad, he sometimes wondered how she got anything done, how she was able to survive.

    Maybe because he always protected her, kept her safe, rescued her if necessary… she really was a piece of work. Why the hell did he still do all this? He should just stop.

    Probably would be better for his sanity, too.

    “Can we leave now? Or do you need more time to contemplate your life choices?”

    “Nah, I’m good.”

    She pushed herself off the wall she had been leaning against, and when passing him she kissed him, on his cheek.

    “Thanks again.”

    On their way out of the lair, she laughed at the witches’ groaning and told them she warned them.

    Maybe he should not stop saving her. Life would be a lot less interesting if he did.

    Probably.

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      I get the feeling if this went on longer, she would probably at one point try to convince him that he secretly enjoyed it too…

      I like how the narration was used here. I personally don’t use direct narration a whole lot in my own writing because it never really sits right with me when I write down exposition and other things so matter-of-fact to the point of being distracting. If I were to do it I would want to give it some personality, especially for more fun or comedic situations like this, which is why I like how you’ve written it here. This combined with descriptions of more physical actions/reactions make for a story that gives you a perfect glimpse into these characters’ relationship, background, and their general feel… with rather limited dialogue too (not that would be inherently good or bad or anything…). Overall, great story!

  7. Rattus Avatar

    I’m Not Answering (Illusions of Heroes)
    by Gerrit (Rattus)

    Areziah watched the Knight Arcane approaching him, the hollow eyes of their mask staring back at him. He had seen through those eyes more times than he could count, but being on the other side of them now was a whole new experience.

    As the distance between them dwindled, Areziah noted the extra mask in the Knight’s hands. When they drew within a few metres of each other, the Knight held the mask out towards Areziah.

    “Why are you here?” Areziah asked, ignoring the gift being offered to him.

    “Yours was destroyed. I’m here to bring you a replacement.” The Knight’s voice pierced through the evening air. It didn’t sound familiar. Likely a new recruit.

    “Did it ever occur to you that it was destroyed on purpose?”

    The Knight remained silent for a moment before responding. “If that is the truth, I would urge you to reconsider. Refusal of this mask is refusal of the Order.”

    Areziah reached out and took the mask from the Knight. He held it in both hands, staring at the ground through the empty eyes. The bronze finish caught the setting sun, reflecting the last vestiges of the day’s light.

    “You are making the right choice, Brother.” The Knight seemed to nod slightly as he spoke. If so, then he knew who Areziah was, at least well enough to know that Areziah far outranked him.

    Areziah stood with his head lowered to the mask, watching the Knight through his peripheral vision. The man’s posture had relaxed when Areziah took the mask, and he now stood with a touch more casual than before.

    In one fluid motion, Areziah tossed the mask to the side with one hand, his other hand wrapping itself in a blade of magic that he drove into the man before him. The man lurched forward, his pain evident even through the emotionless mask.

    “Consider the Order refused,” Areziah said, staring into the shadows within the eyes of the Knight’s mask. Then, knowing the Matriarch was watching from afar, he continued. “I’m not your puppet anymore. Next time send your best.”

    1. Fog Wall Avatar
      Fog Wall

      Awesome work! Cheers and applause, I found this story to be very investing, I love the details and the tension this scene holds. It’s super great!

    2. NocteVesania Avatar
      NocteVesania

      Because of the word limit, microfiction writers are limited with what they are able to convey context or worldbuilding-wise. Because of this, I simply adore when writers make it so readers are constantly asking about bits and pieces, while slowly revealing just enough, piece-by-piece, so readers don’t feel lost at all. I believe you’ve executed that perfectly here, with micro-mysteries in each section to keep readers intrigued while following-up on each so the reader feels completely satisfied by the end.

      I don’t really see anything to improve on here, I guess other than there should be more of this! Great job!

  8. Fog Wall Avatar
    Fog Wall

    “Entry-level Escapades”
    By:Fog Wall

    “This’s insane!” Shouting wasn’t helping, since the whipping winds stole my voice. The speed we were rocketing through the sky was terrifying! I’d always been a fan of graviton cyclone racers, but if someone had told me that I’d be on one, hugging a satyr for dear life…

    Heeh. Dear. She’s part deer.

    That thought made me smile. In spite of the actions we’ve taken, the numorous crimes Koalle coaxed me into, I was smiling. Excited. Exilerated.

    The crescendo of sirens reuniting behind us made Koalle dip below the traffic, dropping our speed and flipping us sideways as our momentum carried us around the corner and across the open street. Looking down at the building we skirted against, I could see the bottom of our ride reflecting in the glossy, black windows.

    My heart skipped a beat as Koalle glanced down at our reflection and gave me a wink.

    Flipping the bike over, we left the biulding and our momentum carried us out, and as the bike came back below us, the anti-gravity caught us twenty feet above the ground. “Here we go!” She laughed in hysteria. Gunning it, She weaved between signs and screens, flashing neon and concrete walkways.

    With a swift grace, Koalle brought us to a near stop, spinning us to the side and lining us up with a narrow alleyway. She revved the engine, launching us through that passage. Zipping through several blocks, she brought us to a slower stop.

    We landed in a small courtyard where a young cherry blossom tree grew between the spires of Strundal.

    She glanced back at me. “Good work; you stayed on.” Her praise didn’t register, but her cold fingers gently touching my forearm brought me back. “It’s okay, you can let go now.”

    “Oh, uh… right.” I broke my clinched grip and leaned back. “I’m never riding with you again.”

    “Good luck in your next escape,” she told me. Leaning back into me, her hands on my knees, she pressed down and kicked off the bike, landing gracefully with a hand offered. “Welcome to my home.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Let me just say something before properly reviewing it. The stories to be read in the stream are chosen by a bot, and for it to properly function, it relies on some pretty specific formatting so that it can count the words and see if our entry is eligible or not. As it stands, your story wouldn’t be – the bot take everything after that space that divides the first two lines (title and author) and the story proper, and the header you put there makes your story extrapolate the maximum words permitted. To solve it, I’d incorporate the “Scene 2: “Entry-level Escapades”” as a continuation of the title in the same line as it, and be off with the header (at least, be off with it in this post, which is the one that counts for being selected).

      That being said, I will just point out a few small errors (typos for the most part, I believe) with suggested corrections before proceeding to the review properly:

      – “The crussendo [crescendo] of sirens reuniting behind us […]”;
      – “Flipping the bike over, we left the biolding [building] and our momentum carried us out […]”;
      – “She laughed in hystaria [hysteria].”
      – “We landed in a small courtyard with [where] a young cherry blossom tree grew between the spires of Strundal.”

      Ok, with that out of the way, let’s do the proper review:

      I really like the images this story paint. Those that knew my taste for a while (and I’ve been here for a while to point that out a fair amount of times) know I am not very fond or interested in action scenes, and when I comment on their quality it is when they could make me say “this one I get it! This one paints something new and keeps me engaged in this world!” Well, you managed to make me say just that. The way their exhilarating antics is explored here helps paint the city, the tecnhological possibilities and the overall aesthetics of this world in a very compelling way, and the description are vivid enough that I can just imagine it all happening (even if in neon blurs). This was very, very well written.

      Also, I find it funny how much of a departure in tone this is to your last story, even if it is a direct sequel. The other had a complete different pace, anticipatory but calm, dealing with that initial encounter and the shyness and the somewhat awkwardness of the whole situation… and now we ate tossed into a very fast-paced action scene where the thrill of it all is gripping the characters and reader at once… and, curiously, the theme and crux of it is still how proximity is being built between two characters. I love how complimentary and yet contrasting this two stories are.

      And I just love this sentence here: “Her praise didn’t register, but her cold fingers gently touching my forearm brought me back.” This makes so much sense in a story where adrenaline is sky-high (no pun intended) and bodily sensation speaks a lot more than any word could.

      Great story. Thanks a lot for sharing.

    2. Rattus Avatar

      This piece was a lot of fun! I could really feel the main character’s excitement as she went on this crazy joy ride. The little bit of humour that you worked in was a great touch too. This sounds like an interesting world that you’ve built, and I’m looking forward to seeing more from it in the future. Great job!

    3. MasaCur Avatar

      This was a fun story, Fog Wall. I enjoyed the madcap racing around buildings on a flying motorbike. Koalle seems like quite the daredevil, and the fear and excitement of the main character is well represented in this story. I do like the non sequitur as he (he?) makes the connection to “dear” and the deer part of Koalle’s satyr form. Just a random odd thought that your brain makes to distract itself from the fear it’s feeling. This was just a lot of fun. Thank you for submitting.

    4. I think I saw you say your stories were going to be a continuing universe, yes?
      Well, there’s not a whole lot going on in this story, just a wild ride on a bike. I’m not even sure they were being chased.

      But the characters and world seem fun and interesting, so I look forward to reading more.

  9. WriterOfThought Avatar
    WriterOfThought

    Song of Solomon 4:5
    WriterOfThought

    Penelope was sick and tired of fighting these damned sentinels. She just couldn’t catch a break from them. Every corner she turned it seemed they were waiting in the wings to try and take her down.

    “The fight is only beginning,” the dragon spirit within her reminded. “You must stay strong and vigilant.”

    “I know,” she said, exasperated. She wanted a way to circumvent this constant fighting. The monotony of battle was wearing on her soul, not to mention her weapons.

    Another sentinel was approaching. Penelope readied her spear, but stopped. Something about this one seemed different. Its movement wasn’t as robotic as the other ones; it almost seemed human.

    She let it get closer, its pace not slowing. She could see its face clearly now. It looked just like…

    “Babe?”

    But that wasn’t possible. He should have been back at home with the kids, not here on the battlefield.

    It looked just like him. But it kept approaching, drawing his sword. He had to have been possessed, she concluded.

    Ignoring the growing protests of the dragon, Penelope bared the one thing she knew could always stop her husband in his tracks. If only it was her husband.

    The sentinel struck her. She dropped her spear and fell to the ground, bleeding from her newly slashed chest.

    “Pay attention to thE FIGHT, YOU BITCH!” the usually calm dragon shouted. Penelope had heard him curse, but it had never been directed at her like that before. She froze, thankful that she was on the ground where she could be mistaken for dead.

    She felt so awful that she nearly wished she was. If the others fighting with her in this war ever learned about this incident, she would never live it down. They’d make sure that she’d never make that mistake again.

    But she didn’t have time to sit and cry.

    She knew she would laugh about it later, but she had to live to see “later” first. Penelope stood up, tucked her shirt back in, and grabbed her spear.

    The dragon was right: the fight was only beginning.

    1. Fog Wall Avatar
      Fog Wall

      This is an interesting battle scene. Since I’m unfamiliar with the connected world, I find it to be quite a contrast. A dragon spirit inside a spear wielding warrior, fighting robots that have metamorphic abilities. This is a world I could easily becone invested in. Great work

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Ok, color me intrigued.

      I admit I have more than just a passing glance at biblical knowledge, even if I’m not a practicing believer anymore, and I knew what that verse in particular was… and so I was quite confused and intrigued. Where would you take whichever story it was you were going to tell?

      And then the story hit me. I find the juxtaposition of elements refreshing. I don’t know how exactly this universe work and what is really going on in this battle, but the idea of robotic sentinels (and maybe even some guys in power armor that is identical to the armored robots) fighting with melee weapons against what appears to be a magically infused warrior accompanied by a dragon spirit… I may not know what is really going on, but I do want to know more.

      And all the while, that title keeps tugging on my mind: “don’t forget you are in for something at least strange, if not risqué”.

      And, yup, was I right in being unprepared.

      I love how you explain her strategy without outright stating her action – that makes the title, and the later revelation that her shirt was now not properly tucked in for those that might initially not get what Penelope tried – all the more punchy and funny.

      And then we are just back on action.

      So, I still have a lot of question and don’t know what is going on, but was it entertaining. And now I want to know even more. This has just the right amount of tension building and relief in an unexpected way (and then you don’t miss the usage of said tension, since the battle is still on, and the funny bit does not completely change the tone of the piece). All that in a very short scene. Well written. Thanks for sharing it.

    3. This is great.
      Though I am curious why you chose this idea in this setting.
      I’m also curious if that was really her husband under some sort of control…or if she just flashed an enemy with no appreciation for the view.

  10. The Missing Link Avatar
    The Missing Link

    The Shark Killer
    By: The Missing Link

    Mary fidgeted with excitement in the backseat of the car, the sharks controlling her brain swimming happily. She knew they weren’t real, but she just loved the metaphor at this point. Sharks die when they stop moving, and that fit her all too well.

    Her only worry on this trip to the aquarium was the notorious head shark killer in the driver’s seat.

    “Hey mom, did you know sharks don’t have bones?”

    “That’s great, dear,” her mother sighed.

    “When I grow up, I’m gonna be a marine biologist and spend all day around sharks every day.”

    “Great.”

    “What’s your favorite kind of shark? Mine’s the tiger shark.”

    On countless trips to the aquarium with dad, Mary had taken to naming the sharks. Her favorite tiger shark, she had named Tony after her breakfast cereal a few years back.

    She waited for a response, but her mother just gave a noncommittal grunt. The car ride felt longer than usual, but Mary hadn’t noticed if it was the traffic or that it was just awkward. At long last, Mary’s mother swerved into a parking space, cutting off another driver.

    Mary’s stomach shot into her throat, and her eyes threatened to pop out of her skull when she got out of the car. Across the entrance of the aquarium was a banner for Autism Awareness Month. She prayed to whatever god would listen that her mother didn’t see it.

    She did.

    Fury flashed across her face as she stormed up to the entrance to tear down the sign. The shark killer returned, and as security dragged her mother away, screaming about the schools and MMR vaccines again, Mary could feel that she may never meet Tony and her other shark friends ever again.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That was brutal, Link.

      I’ve said it in the other story with Mary, and I will say it again – I love the whole thing about sharks going on here. The metaphor is just amazing, and the imagery it provides is great. It makes it all very endearing… and, here, in particular, it also provides for a very apt second metaphor in the shark killer.

      And that is quite brutal. For a moment, I had forgotten how terrible her mother was. I wasn’t remembering it all, so I was more on the impression that she was just jaded and careless. But then, at the end, the other ending came back as well.

      And this time, I think it hits even harder. I’d say it is a little fast as endings go, but that’s probably for the better. A quick gut-wrenching punch and then we are left to think about it, how those conspiracy rabbit holes hurt people in terrible ways… specially close, vulnerable people.

      I hope Mary manages to meet Tony and her other friends at the aquarium soon…

    2. Rattus Avatar

      This story took a couple turns that I wasn’t expecting, but I really enjoyed it. It was well executed and flowed very well. I genuinely felt bad for Mary at the end of the story. I can only imagine how awful she must have felt in that moment, feeling like she would never see her shark friends again. This piece also felt like there was more going on behind the scenes then just what we’re seen here, which I really enjoy. Very well done!

    3. Oh no! Help! We must get Mary back to Tony! Help the girl and her mind sharks meet the real sharks!

      Mary’s mother seems like a miserable person.

      I think I said before that I LOVE the idea of “mind sharks”.

      I hope we get to see more of Mary, in a happier setting.

      And that I could take the poor girl to the aquarium. I haven’t been in ages anyway.

  11. If I Could Begin to Be, Half of What You Think of Me
    By Marx

    “I can’t believe you convinced me to do this, Old One,” Yelena sighed, looking at the void surrounding them. “We shouldn’t be here. No one should be here.”

    The Old One chuckled. “And yet, here we are. You’re safe.”

    “I know I’m safe. I’m with you, but-… we shouldn’t be here. We’re outside of time.” She looked around again. “For all we know, we’re outside of reality itself…”

    The Old One continued to smile. “You’re not used to breaking rules for the fun of it, are you?”

    Yelena sighed again in exasperation before smiling back. “I’m an angel. I was created to follow orders. That said… being here… is rather thrilling.”

    “There are benefits to breaking the occasional rule, Yelena.”

    There was a pause as Yelena smiled only for that smile to fade into thoughtfulness. “What is your name, Old One?”

    Another pause.

    “Old Ones being… mostly solitary beings, we have no need for names. Except when we find our soulmate. Then we name each other.”

    “Ah…” Yelena murmured, looking away.

    “As such, my name died long ago. With my previous soulmate.”

    “My deepest apologies. I didn’t mean to-” Yelena froze as she truly heard what was said and that single word echoed in her mind. “…previous?”

    The Old One smirked, reveling in Yelena’s flushed cheeks and the quickening of her breath. “Am I being presumptuous?”

    Yelena looked down, hiding behind her long, blonde hair before she finally said, “No… You are not…”

    “Then it is rather fortuitous that you wish for me to have a name then, is it not?”

    “Does… that mean you’ll name me too?”

    The Old One chuckled. “If you wish. However, I think Yelena is a beautiful name. And you seem to rather enjoy when I say it.”

    Yelena began to fidget awkwardly. “You aren’t supposed to notice that. I just… think it unfair you use my name and I cannot use yours. Are you sure this is what you want?”

    “I can think of nothing more fitting than hearing my name on your lips.”

    Yelena blushed furiously, taking a deep breath. “No pressure then…”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      So, very sweet. Somewhat unexpected, considering both the prompt and the whole thing about this world and characters.

      There is a small thing that bothers me a bit, though it is not exactly about this piece. It is more about this piece in relation to the previous one. I may be misremembering things, but at least to me, it sounded as if here Yelena is once again too obsessed with the notion of them not being allowed to be there, when it seemed as if she had already somewhat accepted the invitation and the transgression in the last one. And specially considering this seem to be an immediate sequel, the return to the previous repetition make her appear a bit… annoying. I do understand returning to that as a way to set the stage and make this piece have all the elements it need to be a self contained one, but anyway, worth pointing it out regardless.

      I can’t really comment much on the whole romantic aspect of it. I just get some questions on the timescale of it all. How long (if time has any meaning in this existence) has Yelena been in the care of the Old One? I don’t think I’ve read any story with them that was from before their encounter, so I don’t think I have any idea of what she was like before besides her own lost self-image, and I’m trying to understand how that relationship developed.

      1. Thank you so much for the review!

        I can see how Yelena could be seen as a bit repetitive, especially if you compare this story to the previous one. As you said, part of it is setting her character. The other is that even though she did agree to it, she’s still at nature used to following rules so breaking them still goes against the grain as it were.

        As far as the timespan of their relationship at this point, its probably been… a couple of weeks. At least around the two month mark. The other thing about trying to do trying to write linearly with these prompts is that I do have to focus on the prompt itself and I’m not always able to fit in the key aspects of their relationship as I probably would have if it was all written straight.

        That said though, the first Yelena story I did was her meeting the Old One and even then she wasn’t her normal self because she’d just been injured. So I haven’t actually done too much with them before.

    2. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      You always seem to add some depth and/or plot relevance to your cute scenes, while also making them easy to understand for newcomers. I’m so jealous! Both last week and this week I thought I the scenes were just gonna be cute. Last week it was the connections to the apocalypse and Matt, and this one it was this idea of names, that added depth to the stories. :Pacha meme:

      I’m very curious about this space outside of time and maybe reality that they’re inhabiting. It reminds of Death’s home dimension of darkness.
      It’s also very cute that she believes they’re safe, not because the dimension is safe, but because he will make sure she is

      Of course an angel doesn’t want to break rules XD Love the dichotomy.
      Yet their entire relationship is a rule breaking!

      I asked what his name was, didn’t I? I’m curious if I got you thinking about this XD

      “Except when we find our soulmate. Then we name each other…As such, my name died long ago. With my previous soulmate.”
      —I LOVE this idea. It truly emphasizes and completes the idea of how important their soul mates are. They really aren’t a full person until they find their soul mate

      “ Yelena froze as she truly heard what was said and that single word echoed in her mind. “…previous?””
      —OH SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS
      This does create an interesting question about soul mates. Because they seem very much like an ordained thing, not just a romantic thing…but am I mistaken?

      “ The Old One smirked, reveling in Yelena’s flushed cheeks and the quickening of her breath.”
      —I really like this description

      “ If you wish. However, I think Yelena is a beautiful name. And you seem to rather enjoy when I say it.”

      “I can think of nothing more fitting than hearing my name on your lips.”
      Yelena blushed furiously, taking a deep breath. “No pressure then…”
      —ITS SO CUTE
      Also, as cute as the last line is, I do like that it shows she understands the gravity of her choice, beyond just lovey-dovey-ness

      Also, why do I always imagine your angels with black hair? I feel like Albedo’s visuals must’ve really done a number on me, because I often imagine your angels like her XD

      Chef’s kiss! Love this story so much!!

    3. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      Oh gods this was cute.

      I don’t know why I’m a sucker for eternal beings in love. Maybe it’s the inherent tragedy, or the hope, either way you struck it well.

      I don’t know much of anything about this universe other than Yelena is a part of it. But I feel like I know her and relate to her and have been her. You wrote her in such a way that it’s almost like reading my own diary (if I kept one).

      You did a wonderful job. Applause and chocolates are due.

      1. Eternal beings in love are just so much fun to write though! Lol totally don’t blame you. That said, I do feel there is this inherent air of hope and tragedy that pretty much defines the pairing.

        And I’m so glad this story can get such a strong reaction when you don’t know the characters from previous stories. Especially as I’m still technically building her as a character. Chocolate and applause are much appreciated! 😊

    4. Fog Wall Avatar
      Fog Wall

      D’AWWWWWWWWWWWWW
      ’nuff said. This is absolutely adorable.

      1. Lol I’m glad you liked it!

    5. “Schmoopy”
      “… I take it back. Clearly you are not my soulmate.”
      “Abyssblood. the Precipice Fist”
      “I thought you were taking this seriously.”
      “Magalore. Maggs for short.”
      “You said those first two just so that one would sound better.”

      I do like these two together, and I enjoyed this story a lot, but I’m curious if this is a subversion of the prompt, with the old one doing the soulmate thing again, or if it’s straight in that this is not something either will be doing again.

      And, knowing what I do of your story, I’m curious if Yelena is his TRUE soulmate….or a FALSE one. [Thinking emoji]

      I could be wrong, but I think this is the best look we’ve had at Yelena.
      And we definitely see where Matt got that Charisma with a capital RIZZ.

      1. Lol you kid, but Abyss isn’t a horrible name option. Especially since I’ll probably remain 90% sure I have the Old One’s name figured until a prompt has me make an official decision.

        As for how the prompt fits? I’ll fully admit to stretching it a bit, but I took it as she’ll never have to call him Old One again. But the idea of him assuming he’d never be named again absolutely crossed my mind as well.

        And I would say the Old One has two true soulmates. That he should have had just the one but the universe aka Bob/Fate had other plans.

        And yeah! This is probably the most casual and laid back we’ve seen the two of them. Though we got a decent tease of that in the Flesh Horse story as well.

  12. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
    Dagmar Makara (dystop)

    The Bones on The Thames
    by Dystop

    A despondent, swamp-filled fog rolled over the banks of the Thames.

    Only two souls were brave, or stupid enough to be out there on a boat that night. Bone hunters.

    “The ghosts of ghosts fetch a pretty price on the pitch-black market”.

    “You’re lousy with poetic irony, Jack” smirked Hayley.

    “Tell me something I don’t know. The bones around here have whispers we can capture; we could make a lotta money- “

    “Jack, this isn’t worth it.”

    Hayley was uneasy and could tell something was wrong. Jack was glimpsing the marrow, yes. But he was unusually enthralled, mesmerised.

    She clicked her fingers three times in rapid succession.

    “Jack!”

    “…yeah, what?” he retorted with an air of pomposity; like he never needed help.

    This was far from the truth.

    “What now?”, said Hayley.

    “I think it’s obvious– we plunder the damn thing, we haven’t come all this way just to glance at its splendour, we need it to buy relics.”

    “Jack, that’s mesmerism talking” – interjected Hayley.

    “Oh, screw you! You just don’t wanna take any risks, right?! You don’t wanna get involved in anything precarious or hazardous. You, hah, YOU- Hayley, aren’t cut out for THIS,” he bitterly scorched.

    “Jack, this isn’t you. You recall what hypnotic zugzwang is?”

    “Any move is a bad move, it’s lose-lose.”

    “That’s you right now Jack.”

    “I’ll throw it into the river, lose it to time– it’s better than us becoming lost to these waters” implored Hayley.

    “Your breath is acetic. Like vinegar,” he snarled, flummoxed by her seemingly mocking poker-face.

    “Jack…”

    “Shut the hell up– you’re always like this, reluctant, noncommittal, avoidant, you’re a little- “

    “JACK!”, Hayley cut off his punchline.

    “Do you really despise me? Hate me? Detest my very being? Disdain me up close and loathe me from afar?”

    “I… no… I, I don’t know… I feel all muddled. I’m disjointed at the joints, I’m convoluted hodgepodge.”

    “Then we throw that damned thing into the river!”

    As it sank and drifted to the depths, their boat rolled away on clouds of smog.

    “I’m never doing this again,” mumbled Jack.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I’m not entirely sure I got what was really going on. I guess the bone collectors were being affected by the memories and influences of the bone relics they were carrying with them, and when one of them notice that, he tries to fight the entrancement of the other so that they can take out the mesmerizing factor and get out of it.

      And, let me tell you, I don’t think my confusion is because you have narrated it in an unclear way. You give plenty of elements to signal what is going on, and any more would probably be a little too much. But I think I just got a little confused since most of the story is dialogue, and I am not that good in keeping each one is each in my mind.

      Anyway, there is something in this story that I really love, and it is the fitting language imagery. “The ghosts of ghosts” sound amazing. I am also incredibly fond of “Jack was glimpsing the marrow, yes.” Those are excellent choices, and they really make the narrative shine.

    2. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      I really enjoy this world you’ve teased at here, where bones hold a power that can affect who holds them.

      It reminds me of a collection of grave robbers and pirates.

      Grave robbing for obvious reasons, but the pirates blinded by treasure and unable to escape the lure of the siren song they sing.

      In that way, it’s also similar to Gold Fever (treasure fever?) In the Hobbit, where Thorin’s greed leads to his ultimate demise.

      Very nicely done. You have my applause.

    3. Fog Wall Avatar
      Fog Wall

      Bravo! I’m happy to read this one! It’s just so damn good!

    4. The Missing Link Avatar
      The Missing Link

      That must be a scary situation for the both of them, though I’d be worried about Jack. With the kind of stuff that affects your brain, never again never seems to mean never again. On that note, I have to wonder why Hayley isn’t being enthralled by their mysterious object like Jack is and further have to worry about their relationship deteriorating over this.

  13. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    Not the Smartest Decision (Students of the DiamondBridge Academy universe)
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    Sam threw open her bedroom window. A harsh gust of freezing wind would have swept her off her feet if they’d been on the floor to begin with. The beam of moonlight from the window gave Sam enough power to stay afloat.

    Hopefully, enough power to run the ten miles to Roselyn’s—

    “You’re leaving tonight?” a voice whispered from behind her.

    Sam flinched and spun around. How had she not heard her dad enter her room?

    “Tonight?” he repeated.

    “Uh, yeah.” Sam grabbed the inside of the window’s edge, ready to leave. “Is that bad?”

    “It’s a waning crescent moon. And it’s about to snow. Are you sure—”

    “I promised, Dad. She needs me.”

    “Really?”

    “She needs SOMEONE. And I’m the only one she’s got. Besides, it’s not that bad. I’ve got a coat, see?”

    He sighed, grabbed the door handle, but paused before he closed it. “Be back in time for—”

    “I will.”

    And Sam was out the window.

    Her father let the door close with a quiet click.

    “Samsylvia…” he whispered.

    ~~~

    Sam found herself running through flurries two hours before the forecast said they’d fall. She squeezed her coat tighter around herself. She wished she’d worn warmer socks.

    Her foot slipped on a moonbeam, as if she’d skipped a stair on a staircase. One scream and some frantic flailing later, and she was back on her feet, hyperventilating.

    “Just five more miles…” she gasped. “C’mon, Moon…”

    Roselyn had better be grateful when she got there…

    Sam looked up. The crescent moon, just a thin line of light, was moments away from being covered by a cloud.

    She looked back at the ground. The ground a quarter mile below her, covered in pine trees.

    “Oh no, oh no—”

    Sam scrambled, flailed, and swam towards the earth.

    “Control the descent, control the—”

    She fell.

    A combination of wind, magic, and a flexible tree branch kept Sam alive. When she hit the forest floor, blood only trickled down over one eye, and only one of her arms felt… felt…

    “This was…” Sam whispered to the unconsciousness encasing her, “a bad idea…”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Ok, that should have hurt. A lot.

      I particularly love everything in the second to last paragraph. The explanation by enumeration of the causes Sam didn’t end up dead in her descend was excellently done, but the thing that shines the most is how revelatory and punchy the description of the damage done… and how bad it was. That “felt… felt…” repetition is seriously nerve-wrecking. PErhaps fainting after this is a blessing (though, certainly very, very dangerous).

      It’s been some time since I last read about these characters, so maybe I’m not hit with all the emotional weight of it all. I don’t really know what Roselyn is passing through, and why Sam is so worried at the beginning. None of these are problems per se. The thing I did think I’d need to know a little bit more to have a better appreciation of the piece would be about Sam’s relation to her dad. I can imagine there is lots of emotional weight and some thoughts implied in him whispering her name after trying to dissuade her to go and ultimately accepting, but I am a bit in doubt on how to interpret that.

      All in all, a very solid piece. I just hope the reason the prompt is appropriate is more about getting more careful than… well, the alternative.

    2. Fog Wall Avatar
      Fog Wall

      This story is thought provoking, that is to say, I hadn’t expected ot to go quite so poorly, she should’ve stayed with her father or found a different way to get to her friend.

      I feel there are a few spots where the grammar and word choice can be improved, but disregarding that, I felt this story has a lot of heart. She’s making a dangerous journey for the sake of her friend and when Sam fell, I could picture the impact and imagine the pain she must have felt before going unconcious.

      Great read and interesting take on this weeks prompt. Keep on being awesome!

    3. NocteVesania Avatar
      NocteVesania

      I love subtle details interspersed in dialogue. How Sam doesn’t even bother to let her father finish is a nice touch, somehow foreshadowing her hubris and (literal) downfall. It was a bit difficult to imagine Sam travelling by moonbeam, so I think a few illustrations of that may help, but I think that’s just a minor thing. Other than that, this was a very creative piece, showing a natural portrayal of naivety. I’m intrigued how the situation pans out! Good job, Carrie!

  14. Aracnarquista Avatar
    Aracnarquista

    [unrequited] Lust for Live
    by Aracnarquista

    I know I will get in trouble for saying that, but screw it, I’m done with that. Been there, tried it, struggled with it – and I’ve made my peace. I am giving up.

    I will never date an undead again. Never.

    And don’t come to me with that nonsense of “but Zöe, not all zombies”. Nope, that just won’t sell here. All zombies, period. If you want to give them a chance, fine by me. But I won’t, and I won’t have any advice for anyone in those relationships besides jump ship.

    No stormy seas nor engulfing maelstroms of solitude can be worse than staying with those guys.

    Let’s just state facts: they are just not alive. Doesn’t matter if they are a vampire, a lich, a zombie… the thing they don’t have anymore is a life. And you know what we have? A freaking life. We have interests, things to do, places to be, people to know. A life.

    And you know what having a life does? It keeps us busy. So it is amazing to spend some time with your vampire boyfriend once in a while, but you know what happens when you are elsewhere (on your job, pursuing a degree, practicing one of your hobbies, whatever)? They stalk on you. They keep demanding attention. They cling to us, desperately for that sweet (and sometimes not so sweet) life that they desperately crave, and think they can only reach by going through us… and, newsflash, they are right. ‘Cause they don’t have one anymore.

    I don’t blame them for being that way, really. But that just doesn’t make for healthy relationships. I can’t live to them, and they can’t live by me. They can’t just be content with me, and have no life at all when I’m gone. That’s a terrible way to establish companionship, to both of us.

    So – no, I won’t ever again date one of the undead. And I think I made my reasons entirely clear.

    Well, at least while I live, that is. We never know when undeath knocks on our door.

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      This is super hecking cute.

      It feels like a blog post, and that’s a great thing. I could see Nickelodeon using a premise like this for a preteen drama, or Disney Channel making an Original Movie series with the premise of a girl who blogs about how she won’t date undead, no matter how cute they look, and dealing with her friends dating undead and complaining how clingy they are.

      I’ve always liked the idea of what undead consume is not the literal thing they eat, like brains or blood, but life. They take what they lack so they can feel alive.

      I have no complaints, but I definitely want a sequel from this narrator. I love their style.

      10/10.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, WriterofThought!

        This was a strange one to write, let me tell you that. I wrote a very different piece, and it ended up being a particularly weighty one… and I didn’t think it would be very appropriate to share. So I tried to take one idea of that piece and make a lighter version of it. I’m a bit surprised at how different the two stories ended up being, and how lighthearted this one is being perceived to be.

        Since I see it still with the eyes of the one who know where it started from, my impressions are a bit prejudiced, so I can’t really evaluate it.

        And then you come and say it could be adapted into a preteen drama or series and I know I hit the spot I was aiming for. I wanted to give that girl a very particular voice, and it seems like it worked! Thanks a lot for allowing me to now see it through your eyes.

        And I’m fully on board with you on that idea about the undead consuming life, more than their chosen medium that carries said life. We all wish for what we lack, so it makes a lot of sense for the undead to need to consume life itself to keep on going.

        I will keep all that in mind. Thanks a lot for the comment and for sharing your impression on my story!

    2. Fog Wall Avatar
      Fog Wall

      I love this take on dating an undead! It’s very fun and leaves me with questions I never thought I’d have. Like what would dating a lich would be like?

      This was astoundingly well written and I found it hard not to smile. I’m sotting here contemplating which undeads this person must have dated or what situation propagated this thought. How many people in this wprld are datong undeads? How common are undeads?

      This story reminds of some of the more comical zombie stories that came out in 2010-2015, during that zombie phase.

      Eitherway, this was an excellent read and I found it quite enjoyable. Makes me imagine the Addam’s Family.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Fog Wall.

        This was a strange one to write. I tried to explain part of the process that brought this one to being while answering WriterofThought’s comment. I think I manage to find the correct way to voice this one in an exercise of tempering one story that felt way too weighty, and then trying to rewrite some similar ideas and make then lighthearted. At the end, I thought I was getting close, but I was not very sure and my palate was a bit contaminated by the previous writing exercise. So it is great to be seeing your impressions on it now, in the reviews, so I can better see what I ended up doing.

        And, well, this story is kind of a one shot where I was experimenting with some writing ideas more than fleshing out a world, so I guess I have the same questions that you have (though since I know my inspirations for the concepts, I’d say there are a lot of undeads out there)…

        Thanks a lot for the comment and for sharing your impression on my story.

    3. This is such a fun take on the prompt. But I think what I like the most about it is it comes across really fun but it has a bit of a dark undertone to it. Which makes all the sense in the world when I realized this was an offshoot of a darker concept.

      I just feel like dating the undead could easily be really cooky in an iZombie, Warm Bodies or even a Monster High kinda way but the way it’s described here with the undead not having a life except for the the life of whoever their with goes beyond merely clingy and becomes parasitic. And that realization takes the “Ha ha! That’s funny!” to “Nah, I’m with Zöe here. That sounds horrible and toxic.”

      However, that blend of whimsical and worrying is exactly why I want to see more of this world where you can just casually date a lich. It’s genuinely an intriguing glance into the world.

      Excellent take on the prompt!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Marx.

        Well, I had the dark aspects of it in my forefront while writing, and although I had the more funny elements as something I was striving for, I was not sure how much of it would ultimately appear. It was quite refreshing to know that it did work – as said before, I was completely unable to really see it without being polluted by the previous idea…

        And I’m happy that the dark element is also present and one can see it once the more comedic elements are peeled off.

        I’m a bit on the fence on the idea of writing a sequel and fleshing out this idea. I usually don’t really think on writing sequels, but I know this whole idea has some potential. The thing is that I am not sure I was in the best emotional state to write this one, and I don’t think I should deal a lot with that particular place when writing… As I said, I’m on the fence.

        Anyway, thanks a lot for the comment!

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