Writing Group: Under the Monster’s Bed (PRIVATE)

Sleep well, Click-Clacks and Rattlebags!

Best not look under there. No, no, it’s nothing to be afraid of, really. But I still don’t think you should look, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Under the Monster’s Bed

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

You’ve heard of monsters under the bed—the fears we harbor as children of the closet, of the dark, and of hands set to wrap around our ankles. But what hides under the monster’s bed? 

The first place my mind goes to is a switch—a monster calling their parents into the room because they’re scared a human child is under their bed. Like in Monster’s Inc., how the monsters are scared of Boo, the little girl. There are many different fun switcharoos/opposites you could use with this: an angel hiding under a demon’s bed, a knight or princess hiding in a dragon’s hoard, a vampire hunter hiding in a vampire’s coffin, a rooster under a basilisk nest. There are lots of hilarious stories you could write of heroes hiding under the villain’s bed. Such as an adventuring party reaching the villain’s lair, but the only place to hide is under the villain’s bed, so they’re all crowded under there…all the while the villain plays ponies on the bed, or cries themselves to sleep. I think lots of fun stories could be created by thinking of something you’d usually consider a monster, and then reversing the roles—putting the “good” character in the monster’s usual hiding spot. 

Part of what makes the image of “the monster under the bed” so scary (and so common) is that it’s the image of danger in your safe place. But let’s have fun switching the roles around this week—what’s safe to a monster? What leaves the monsters vulnerable and scared? 

What’s hiding under the monster’s bed doesn’t necessarily have to be something good. What leaves a monster vulnerable and scared could easily be more monsters. You could play with the idea of “there’s always a bigger fish.” A child might be scared of a monster…but it stands to reason what haunts that monster would be that much scarier. It could be a cycle: a monster haunts the human child, a monster haunts the monster child, and it’s monsters all the way down. You could do silly things with this too—perhaps a zombie is buried under a vampire’s coffin, or two monsters get their schedules jumbled, and end up haunting each other. 

What hides under a monster’s bed could also make the monster…less monstrous. Perhaps hiding under a monster’s bed is a box of mementos from better times. Maybe they keep the letters from their lost love, or the photographs from their past friendships. You could even go very symbolic with this—maybe what hides “under the monster’s bed” is rather the good person just beneath their villainous surface, which is brought out during the story. How does our hero get “under their bed”? How can they pull the “box of memories” to the surface? 

You could do other domestic, gentle things with it too. Maybe you want to write about a cute little “monster” and the toys hidden under their bed. Or the strange, alien pet hiding there during a thunderstorm. What’s hidden under the monster’s bed doesn’t have to be living, or evil. It could just as easily be smelly socks, lint, dust bunnies, old coins, and toys. 

You could play with different types of beds, like waterbeds, air mattresses, or hammocks. Maybe fish swim in the arrogant billionaire’s fancy waterbed, or a snake curls up beneath the hammock of the teen who refused to help set up camp. 

It doesn’t even have to be a traditional bed either! Many things are said to have beds; maybe your monster has a flower bed, with skeletons, or else harmless trinkets, hidden inside. Or perhaps you want to write about a river or sea monster, and what’s hidden beneath the river or seabed. Even layers of rocks can be beds—“a bed of clay.” Perhaps an entire civilization is the “monster,” built on the fossils of the previous one. Or a foundation could be a bed—“a bed of concrete.” Maybe a murderer hides the evidence in wet concrete. Even layered foods can have beds—“a bed of spinach.” Maybe your character is a petulant child, who wants the chocolate beneath the bed of “monstrous” raisins in the trail mix. 

You can take it further than that. You don’t have to use something called a bed either. It can just be a place of rest. Maybe someone, who just destroyed a bar in a drunken rage, collapses on the couch, finding old coins in the cracks. Perhaps you want to write about a homeless kid who is treated as a monster by society, and in their bed of straw are their only possessions. A troll might find rocks very comfortable to sleep on (or you could use the river bed idea with a bridge troll too). Perhaps a spider (considered a monster by many) lives under someone’s hat, so what’s under their bed is simply…a person. Maybe a mother reptile, or bird, or even a dinosaur, finds something hiding under her eggs. 

Because that’s the thing. It doesn’t have to be a bed with four posts and a mattress…and it doesn’t have to be a fantastical monster either. People can become monsters more easily than most of us care to admit. Perhaps one spouse is having an affair, and the way they ruined the relationship makes them a monster, and the person they’re having the affair with hides under the bed. People will sometimes hide their diaries under the bed (or at least under the pillow). What could make a little girl doodling in her diary a monster? Perhaps she bullies the other kids at school, and the evidence is written in her diary. Maybe you want to write about a traditional situation where a monster hides under a child’s bed…only to slowly show us that the child is the real monster, and the “monster” is more of a guardian angel. 

Let’s take the symbolism even further. There’s a saying “You’ve made your bed. Now you have to lie in it.” Generally, this doesn’t refer to a literal bed. This is usually said to someone complaining about their lot in life, meaning “You’ve made many poor choices that led you to this place in life. Now you’re facing the consequences.” As long as you make the bed connection clear, I think this could be a fascinating take on the prompt. Perhaps a villain, or cooperation creates an evil empire, and the rebellion arising against their cruel regime is what’s hiding under their “bed.” Perhaps you want to write about how your villain’s evil actions come back to bite them in another way—it could even be something as simple as them creating a structurally unsound, but impressive, castle that comes crashing down. 

Initially my challenge for this week was going to be “don’t make it an actual bed” and/or “make all the characters human.” If you prefer either (or both) of those, feel free to still use them! You could even add another layer of difficulty where each challenge excludes the other—either write about only human characters, or only non-human characters; either write about a literal bed, or a non-literal bed, but not both. 

However, the more I write about the potential literal takes, the more hilarious they seem, and the more I’d love to see you write about them. So I thought I’d try a new angle. 

This prompt is, in some ways, “What makes a monster less scary?” Because, if you know what’s hiding under the monster’s bed, then presumably that makes them less scary to you. Even if you’re still just as scared, maybe you at least have a better understanding of the monster. 

So my challenge is…that. Think about what would make a monster less scary. What fears does the monster have to deal with? This could be a reason to sympathize with the monster—like the bigger fish, or box of memento ideas, or just finding a gentle, happy side to the monster after seeing the toys under its bed. But you could also take it even deeper, and think of the monster under your bed. This could be what you were scared of as a kid, or something you’re scared of today. Think of something that genuinely scared/scares you…and give it a monster under its bed. Sort as a therapy for yourself—making the nightmares you’ve truly faced less big.

Remember, these challenges aren’t mandatory! They are meant to be a fun bonus if you’d like to have a little extra challenge. But, if you don’t want to use them, please don’t feel obligated to!

Oh no. Well…I did tell you not to look.

—Kaylie

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Comments

60 responses to “Writing Group: Under the Monster’s Bed (PRIVATE)”

  1. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    Bath Time
    By Jesse Fisher

    The sound of scuffling feet and giggles echo in the playroom as a set of toddlers screamed and the sounds of them running filled the next room. It was the parent’s room, rather plain and unassuming. The room had images of the family on the walls but the hybrid children paid it no mind as they began to run to the only spot they could find.

    The bed.

    Thanks to their size the pair fit under the furniture easily. The giggles had to be hushed by claw to beak and paw to maw. Their clothing was ruffled and bunched in ways only kids can cause. Their eyes saw the one chasing them, it slithered like a serpent. Yet it lacked scales and had arms with a mask.

    “Come on you two,” The feminine voice called out. “I promised your parents that I would have you bathed by the time they got back from work.”

    The child with the beak wanted to retort back but their sibling hushed them. The child with claws knew better, the monster just wanted them clean so she could have power over them. They were old enough to bath themselves and they knew when it was time for such things.

    “I know one of you is going to try and outsmart me.” Came the unspoken reply. “You might be smarter than the average cub but I’ve been around long enough to sense you out.”

    It was at that moment the masked nanny spoked them, causing the pair to rush towards the bathroom. It was only when the door locked that the ‘smarter than average child knew they had been outsmarted.

  2. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    [DM me on Discord for details!]

    1. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Wow, Kaylie. The opening is incredibly snake-like. Kind of scary but also really cool. It appears to be no love between Bradley and Peter, although, they seem to share a begrudging kinship that neither of them wants to relinquish. Simply the way Bradley winces at Peter’s nearness. That could be PTSD because Peter abducted him, or it could be C-PTSD from everything that Bradley has had to witness since being brought to Neverland.

      Now that he’d grown up, he embraced childish things. (Hey. Listen, man. You don’t have to hit me so hard in the face. Lol. But in all seriousness, this is incredibly true. I know so many people like this, including myself. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with embracing childish things and activities so long as you know where you’re supposed to apply maturity.)

      Also, I’m not sure if it’s Bradley’s paranoia or Peter’s dubiousness and his affinity for games, but there’s an icky feeling to this story. There are so many layers and complexities I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be anxious. It’s literally two people talking. That’s all the situation is.

      “We’re all somebody’s monster, Bradley. (Call back to a previous prompt!)

      Now I’m just curious as to what Hook told Bradley. Because if it was something along the lines of Peter’s origin, then that is incredibly interesting. But if it was something more akin to everyone has to grow up at some point, that’s kind of devastating and can throw him into a state of confliction. Not only that, but it might could ruin the game. At least from Bradley’s perspective. I think Peter is just so far in his own head and ignoring all of the grief and trauma up until this point that he’s bought his own con.

      Also, I sincerely believe Bradley is becoming one of my favorite characters. He’s also building an incredible wall of skepticism thanks to Peter and also Hook.

      This series is a mad spiral, and I am here for the fall. I want to know what the hell Peter’s breaking point is. Where are this man’s limits? He seems very much like one of those people who is a perpetual jokester on the outside 24/7, but is a mess of brambles and darkness and confusion and hurt on the inside. And he has no way of untangling any of that because 1.) He doesn’t know how on his own, 2.) He doesn’t want to relive what caused it, and 3.) He is totally fine with where he is, or at least he thinks so, because it gives him that sense of control and power and security that he has been lacking. It also maybe the thing that won’t allow him to grow up because when you’re a child, life is a whole lot easier. Or it’s supposed to be.

      My apologies for going on that maniacal diatribe. I have so many thoughts and ideas when it comes to reading a good bit of your stories, and the way your stories play out often make me think, which I freaking love. Lots of nuance. I am looking forward to delving deeper into this madness and you have been cultivating. Please keep writing. Thank you so very much for sharing this.

    2. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      I don’t know if I’m more scared for Bradley or of Peter. The idea of Captain Hook and Peter Pan being all a game is not only interesting, but it gives the pirates a dynamic with the Lost Boys. If I’m reading this right, it seems that Hook’s men are grown Lost Boys? And that makes the conflict all the more bitter and tragic. Nice job!

    3. Ooooo I really like this one. You did such an amazing job with the tension here. From the moment Peter shows up, you feel it and it doesn’t go away the entire conversation.

      I’m not sure including that Peter wasn’t using his illusion works if you’re a newcomer but when you do know, that makes it all so much more interesting. That he’s not even bothering to hide it from Bradley anymore because that part of the game is over for them. I’d imagine if Bradley had never seen the real Peter before that would have been quite the shock.

      I also adore the line of “Now that he’d grown up, he embraced childish things.” There’s just something about it that truly resonates with me and makes me smile even though I think in the context of the story, it’s a bit somber.

      The other part that really stood out to me was that Peter was all quips and smiles until Bradley got serious and stopped playing the game. Bradley’s horror at the reminder that this was very much what he wanted also packed quite the punch. It would kind of mess up your head a little that in choosing reality and choosing to grow up you also choose to change what side of the board you’re on in this particular game.

      That they both agree to become each other’s monster at the end is a very satisfying conclusion to the tension. It also makes sense that Peter would smile again because as he said, having Bradley switch sides does make the game more fun for him.

      All in all, very much loved this story. Excellent job!

    4. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Hm…. how can I say it?

      This is really good. And maybe it is because this is really good that I wanted to emphasize my critiques of it. Not sure if it makes a lot of sense, but let us try it.

      There is A LOT going on in this one. Not in terms of happening, but in terms of character development – and characters being present to the public. So much that I am not sure if it would really work as a stand alone piece. If I had read just this one, I believe I’d be quite confused. Perhaps intrigues, but mostly confused… and I certainly wouldn’t be able to enjoy how much of a gut-punch this is.

      ‘Cause this is a heavy one. Perhaps the heavier I’ve read from you so far.

      This story paints Peter in a very particular light. A very interesting one – but he being quite conscious at what his deal is with the other is… quite callous?

      This is enlightening – but once some elements are brought into the light, well, then they are in the light.

      I’m quite curious as to how Bradley will cope with all of this. His adaptation to that new role, and how the knowledge and existence in this “space” will weight on him.

      This is very interesting, and each small element of this story fills carefully crafted. The Bible reference is particularly powerful when one considers both the inversion and the full context of the quote.

      “Through a glass, darkly” indeed.

      Thanks for sharing.

    5. See…
      This gives me anxiety because it’s one thing to be brave in the face of a danger, it’s another thing when you don’t realize what kind of danger your facing.
      And whatever Hook told him, I feel pretty confident Bradley doesn’t realize how outmatched he is against Peter. How outmatched all the lost boys together would still be.

      It feels like watching someone talk to monster, but knowing the “monster” is really just the lure at the end of an anglerfish’s rod… And knowing they don’t know that.

  3. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    How Victory Is Measured
    by Lunabear (A Song for: Nikita)

    The little girl hustled down a long hallway, the heels of her shoes loud against heavy Jarrah wood. Rushing was difficult because she had to hold her dress’s hem above the floor. Regardless of the reason, he wouldn’t tolerate lateness.

    Excitement coursed through her despite the potential consequences. This would be her first time inside the conference room. In all of the manor, that was one section forbidden to her.

    Well, HIS daysleep chambers were also off limits.

    Speaking of that very place, the door was ajar, which was never the case. A human heart beating out its final, plaintive rhythm was all too familiar.

    Her steps slowed, and she looked to the end of the hall then back towards his room. Should she go inside?

    ‘No’, she mentally chastised herself. ‘The last time I went through a door that wasn’t supposed to be opened, I was turned against my will.’

    “Help me,” the voice rasped. Roses and jasmine beneath heavy perspiration identified the person as feminine.

    The little girl halted a few feet from her destination. Worry and curiosity intermingled low in her stomach. If she were tardy, she would suffer. On the other hand, the woman was in danger. Her breathing was already labored. Pained.

    Biting into her lower lip, nearly drawing blood, the little girl thought it better to assist this woman, in spite of the punishments. Gathering her courage, she retraced her steps and poked her head around the jamb.

    Her eyes were instantly drawn to the four-poster bed and the older woman half beneath it. Her fang-marked torso was visible, and her wrists were bound.

    The little girl zipped over to the whimpering woman just as the exit was slammed shut and locked.

    “The deaths of rabbits and deer masking their blood,” he hissed. “You fed from humans but never killed a single one. You thought it would go unnoticed. Well, allow us to rectify that.”

    Her dread-filled gaze met that of a stone cold murderer.

    “In doing so, you will earn your vampiric name: Nikita. It means ‘victor’. And I shall be your Maker.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Wow.

      I had to read it twice to really get it. Which usually I’d say may hint at a lack of clarity, but this time, I guess this hint more to my own lack of restraint in keeping pace with the story – which might be a sign I was as nervous as our heroine is in this story.

      I really like how the scene is set and we know from the beginning at which moment in her “life” we are. I feel like the beginning has some elements that are a bit rushed, but not so much as to make them a problem to understanding the story – flash fiction has that as one of its limitations: we need to be economic with our words.

      What I really like about this story is how this makes all your other Nikita stories a lot heavier. The naming happening here is particularly cruel and manipulative – and that’s the name she carries to this day in your other stories. No wonder she usually goes by Kit. Feels like an attempt to distance herself from that moment, all the while trying not to incur in her maker’s wrath.

      Great story – feels like a pivotal moment in her story, and it reads like it to.

      Thanks for sharing!

    2. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      Well the creep factory has gone up on this one, the whole atmosphere would feel in place with thunder and lighting in the background. Or the silence of the night were not even the wind is present. The twist of the pov being a reluctant vampire was not something the title gave away, very good.

      ” …she had to hold her dress’s hem above the floor.” I would have said: As she held the hem of her dress above the floor.

      Beyond that love it.

      1. Lunabear Avatar
        Lunabear

        Thank you for the review, Toacoy.

        While I appreciate the suggestion, I like it perfectly fine as is.

        I am glad you enjoyed the atmosphere and could understand that she is a reluctant.

        Thanks again.

        1. jesse fisher Avatar
          jesse fisher

          still great story and love to see another set in this world

    3. I do think I feel the same way about Kit’s Maker as you do about Alex. I dread it when he shows up the literary masochist in me loves it lol.

      You did such an amazing job with the building tension here. Even before the issues started, just the idea of this little girl heading down a hall to somewhere she needs to be on time for or she’ll be punished is a stressing read because by pointing that out, you know something is probably going to make her late.

      Then she hears the cry for help and initially ignores it both because she doesn’t want to be late and she’s not allowed where she heard the voice, building the tension further. But I like that she’s indoctrinated enough that she does temporarily ignore her moral compass. But going back lets you know who she really is.

      And once we’re in the room, you give the reader such a well done image of horror without getting too gorey which absolutely works. Which leads to the ending which is as glorious as it is really messed up. Does make me wonder what would have happened if she’d ignored the bait and did as she was told.

      That level of manipulation though just makes him as hated as I’m sure you intended. The only hope I have is something I might be misremembering lol. And that’s that I could have sworn she had her name and still hadn’t killed a human, which leaves me at least a little hopeful that she finds a way out of this particular manipulation.

      Needless to say though, I loved this story and look forward to more. Excellent take on the prompt!

  4. WriterOfThought Avatar
    WriterOfThought

    Bedtime Stories
    WriterOfThought

    The doll waited under the edge of the bed, wondering what story Daddy would tell tonight. He was later than usual, and Astrea never liked to be kept waiting.

    The doll bravely rolled out from under the bed and peered up at its creator. Mismatched eyes pouted behind salt and pepper pigtails, and an oversized mouth with razor fangs gnawed impatiently on the blanket. It had been nearly ten minutes.

    The door opened and the disheveled scientist walked through, reading glasses dangling on the edge of his nose. He pulled up a chair and sat alongside the bed, however it was more of a “fall into” than a “sit”. He sighed, he noticed the doll that had rolled from under the bed, and tucked it in next to his daughter.

    “What story would you like to hear tonight, Little Star?”

    Astrea thought for a moment, rubbing her knuckles into her temples.

    “The one about the girl with a dragon friend,” she demanded.

    Daddy lifted an eyebrow at her.

    “Please,” she added from behind the blanket.

    The doll loved this story. Daddy sat back and recalled it, too tired to get it off the bookshelf.

    “Once Upon a Time,” as all proper stories began. “There was a young woman who was made of ink.”

    Astrea listened intently. The young woman would shift and morph between forms, and Astrea imagined herself doing the same. She would get into scrapes and scuffles, and Astrea saw herself coming out victorious. Her friend was slain in battle, and Astrea wanted to give her a hug, no matter how goopy.

    “But then,” Daddy said. “A strange dog came to her.” And a strange dog it was, because it turned out to really be a dragon.

    Astrea felt her mouth, imagining if she had the power to make herself look… normal.

    The doll looked up at her, hoping that she felt the love it had for her, like the love the dog had for the young woman.

    “And they would adventure together forever and ever.”

    Astrea fell asleep; the doll soon followed. Their adventures had only begun.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This was lovely, WriterofThought.

      And yeah, the POV character was spot on. This touch makes the story all the more amazing.

      I really appreciate how this takes such a small and subtle moment in the life of a child and heightens it in narrative format so that we can feel how that moment is important.

      I am a bit confused as how to read Astrea. There are lots of hints that she might be something unusual, but I also feel like they could be read as if she is just someone who does not feel right being who she currently is trying to be. Reading a story that invokes a character that appears to be something and is, in fact, something else, is a nice touch in any of these readings.

      But it is even a difficult thing to focus on. The doll just steals the scene all the time – and its intense emotions are at once a bit frightening but also adorable.

      Thanks a lot for sharing it.

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      A really fun, immersive story, Writer. It has the feel of those old creepy shows and that children from back of the day. Sort of like Addams Family or Beetlejuice animated, or The Munsters. It’s colorfully spooky. I also really love the detail.

      You have captured the impatience of a child quite well. Absolutely speaking from experience here. The scientist creating himself a child because he did not have one of his own is very sweet and well done. The doll being sentient but unable to speak while understanding Astrea’s feelings is really great. Also, Astrea being able to empathize with the character in the story shows her emotional intelligence and compassion and kind-heartedness despite how she looks. A wonderfully fabulous contradiction between her personality and her physical appearance.

      Her name is a play on the Spanish word for star, which is estrella. Very beautiful, very precious. I love the thought behind that, and it shows the scientist as perhaps a sentimental person.

      Critique:

      The only critique that I have is that I thought the girl, Astrea, and the doll were the same person. So, to be clear, is Astrea the one with the razor teeth and the salt and pepper pigtails? Either way, that description is terrifying, and I’m here for it.

      I really do hope we get more from these characters. They hit a very sweet spot for me personally, and I honestly want to see what they get up to. Very well done. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this.

    3. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      That was a good set up, love the use of the doll for the pov of the story. I also like how this felt like the opening of hell boy: the golden army. The whole thing just felt so wholesome. The story with in this story is something I want explored more. Mostly because it has such an unique idea.

      Really great story and love the whole vibe.

  5. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    Draconic Spring Cleaning
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    “Guess what, Zandaidien!” Fraellieth sang as she danced into her brother’s lair.

    Two giant glowing eyes opened in thin, tired slits in the darkness of the cave. “What.”

    “I’ve thought up the perfect way to help you with your drowsiness problem!” With quick breaths, Fraellieth lit the four torches closest to her.

    “It’s not a problem, Frae,” Zandaidien grumbled. “Being tired is fun.”

    “Yeah, but even I know twenty-three is too many years for sleeping trouble. So let’s clean up your hoard!”

    Suddenly, Zandaidien’s eyes widened, his muscles tensing under his scales. “What do you mean?”

    “Just some simple organizing and touching up, is all! Look at this,” she said as she snatched up a crown on the end of a talon. “Are you seriously storing crowns spike-side up, Zan? This was basically stabbing your leg!”

    “Fine! Fine.” He stood up, causing a cacophony of metallic clinks and clanks. “Let’s see if reorganizing in here actually helps me sleep better.”

    “That’s the spirit!”

    The two dragon siblings spent hours sliding Zandaidien’s treasure in and out of different piles. Zandaidien spent much of that time telling Fraellieth to stop touching stuff, and Fraellieth spent most of her time picking up objects and asking what they were and where they should go.

    “Let’s put all the spears under my tail,” Zandaidien directed. “And latticed. They’re most supportive that way.”

    “See? You’re liking this!” Fraellieth laughed as she dug through more treasure. “Hey, what’s this?”

    She lifted up a suit of armor, one that was interconnected like, well…

    “Is there a knight’s body in that?” Zandaidien yelled. “Oh great golden heavens, how long has that BEEN there?”

    “Long enough to have started to rot, apparently! Eugh!”

    Fraellieth torched what remained of the knight’s corpse, scorching the armor along with it. When she had a mess of half-molten metal and ashes left over, she looked at Zandaidien for what to do with it.

    “Throw it out the cave,” he ordered. “I can’t believe it. Was I sleeping on a dead human this whole time?”

    “Well THAT might explain the past twenty-three years!”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This the knight remains spark joy? No? So out with it. Keep in your hoard just those things that spark joy.

      Okay, that premise is a wild one. Not just the whole idea of dragons getting together to put one’s hoard in order, but the whole thing about a messy nest and drowsiness being related. Who would know dragons are as prone to being bad at organizing – and as vulnerable to stress and tiredness – as we all?

      This is a really nice story, Carrie. Thanks a lot for sharing it.

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I love the title. Immediately. With the utmost sincerity, Carrie, I have no idea how you manage to write such fun and uplifting and beautifully immersive, happy go lucky stories all the time, but it is fantastic. I love this story. I had to stop reading when Frae gets disgusted by the knight’s body being in the suit of armor and decides to burn it. I cackled for maybe 5 minutes. I definitely cry laughed. And the way you normalize it is excellent storytelling.

      “It’s not a problem, Frae,” Zandaidien grumbled. “Being tired is fun.” (You lie, good sir!)

      Nothing but praise for this story. You always have a way of bringing out the beauty and the glimmer and the shine of life through your stories, and I am so grateful that you’re a part of this group to write these stories. It definitely helps to lift my mood a lot of times. Your stories never disappoint, and I cannot wait to see what you hear next time. Thank you so very much for writing this one.

  6. Rattus Avatar

    The Cycle of Fear
    by Gerrit (Rattus)

    “So let me get this straight,” Johra said. “Your plan is to walk into the castle, and just tell the king to step down?”

    Quentis nodded as he raised his drink to his lips. When he brought the mug back down, his moustache was coated in a thin layer of foam.

    “You expect that to work? Every person in this town is afraid of the king for a reason! He’s not just going to accept your demand and walk away!”

    “The fact that everyone is afraid of him is exactly why it will work. Fear is reciprocal, dear Johra. Do you know what bogeymen have their parents check for before they go to sleep?”

    “I’m going to assume nothing, considering they’re not real.”

    Quentis shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’d be wrong on both accounts. The answer is children. Children fear bogeymen, and so bogeymen fear children. It’s the basic laws of Fin-Fang.”

    “I believe you mean Yin-Yang.” Johra gestured for the bartender to bring him another ale. He’d need it if the conversation continued in this direction.

    “The Yin-Yang has nothing to do with this.” Quentis took on the tone of a disappointed parent. “Fin-Fang is the concept that creatures with fangs are afraid of creatures with fins, and vice-versa.”

    Johra stared at him incredulously.

    “Think about it,” Quentis continued. “Have you ever seen a snake fight a shark?”

    “Well, no, but that’s because–”

    “Exactly! Fear is reciprocal. The people fear the king, and therefore, the king must fear his people.”

    “You really think the king fears the common folk?” Johra asked.

    “Every ruler does. The only kings who don’t fear their people are the truly amazing and the truly stupid.” Quentis thought for a moment. “Come to think of it, he may not fear them after all.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That was a good one.

      Quite interesting and funny. There are some moments in which it appears that Quentin’s peculiar logic might indeed stumbled into some wisdom, even if by accident – and lo and behold, it does. At the very end, with a consideration that makes a lot of sense and also works amazingly as an ending.

      And it also makes me think on what Quentin himself might be afraid of, if of anything at all.

      Really fun piece, and with very clever – strangely, even when some of the sentences are being particularly clever antipodes – dialogue.

      Thanks for sharing it!

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I’m not sure if the concept of Fin-Fang is real, write his, but it is very funny. Also really makes one think. I have never seen a snake take on a shark before, but I have seen a snake take down a cow before an alligator got to it.

      Jorha is definitely the audience surrogate. He’s also quite skeptical.

      I love that the ending implies the king may be stupid. Because given the way Quentis speaks about him, it’s not favorably. That does raise the question, at least for me, of what does the king look for beneath his bed?

      But I do like the cycle of reciprocal fear. A fear that feeds into itself like an ouroboros. Despite the short length, you do a good job of flushing these two out. Very well written. Thank you so much for sharing.

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      So, I actually was very intrigued by that idea of Fin-Fang, even if it sounded ridiculous towards the end. You have this great idea, and then it gets dismissed by the end! We return to the original problem of how to handle the king, and no alternative is presented. The only other critique I have is that I don’t really see the prompt. Besides those two things, the story was great! I liked the characters and the descriptions were great. I think you just needed to end on “okay, that’s what the king is afraid of; how can we use it?” or something like that. Keep on writing this. I’m interested to see where this goes.

  7. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    Seeing it Through (Amelia)
    by Lee Strangely

    The tears of the sky turned the cobbled road into a watery mirror. One that shown back the faces whom all looked down on it as the procession went by. The women in grey led the line, making the path as they went. Eight carried the wooden bed that held the general’s body, while two walked ahead, opening the once silver gates as the others approached.

    Once they passed through, one of the gatekeepers started walking towards the procession, only to be stopped by the other. She pulled her back, but immediately retracted her hand as it stung.

    “You, you feel quite cold… You must be freezing.” she said.

    “I’m alright…” the cold woman replied.
    She asked softly, “You wanted to see him one last time?”

    “I wanted to see if he was actually dead…”

    “I know, hardly anyone can believe it…”

    For a moment, there was only the sound of wind and crackling torches.

    She seemed to look around before continuing, “I can’t believe it, killed by the same ice witch that killed the prince. At least he was able to kill her with his final breath.”

    “Where did you hear that?” the cold woman asked.

    “I heard from the soldiers,” she muttered, “that brought his body back from the mountain… Why?”

    “Nothing… I just heard differently… that he attacked her, then she killed him.”

    She attempted a smile, but faltered, “Either way, he at least died fighting for his kingdom.”

    The cold woman ignored her as she headed towards the casket. Looking up at the corpse, she caught one of hands as it laid precariously close to the wood’s edge. Some slivers of ice still clung to his paling flesh.

    The other woman then returned to her duties, heading back to close the gates. Once she moved one gate leaf, she went to the other, pausing as her hand felt a thin layer of frost over one of the bars.

    She turned back to her, “I-I hope you find peace.”

    The cold woman sighed, as if she had been holding her breath, “I have.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I guess I already shared some of my thoughts previously on this story, so some of my impression might feel a bit repetitive.

      I really like the build up of the story and how the elements to take a conclusion on what is happening are dispersed through the narrative. They don’t hide in it, but they also don’t make themselves tremendously loud. Their appearance is well integrated into the fabric and flow of the narrative, and that makes for a very enjoyable reading.

      Now, reading it with a bit more time, I think I would probably prefer if the epithet “the cold woman” was used once, and then changed each time for a synonym or for other descriptive quality. I feel like making a kind of “progression in coldness” in each new time the epithet appears could make for a nice effect of making the power of the ice witch more of a threat and awe-inspiring, although it would also make it a little bit more obvious what is going on.

      That being said, this is a minor thing. I like the way it progresses, and the images you paint. The initial description in particular is a really good way of setting the tone and explaining what we are seeing.

      Your ending is also a great one, and it plays in an interesting way with the prompt (as a second take on the prompt, that is; the way I see it, the mystery of the general’s death is what lies behind the bed/coffin of the monster – but maybe the “monster” pallbearer know has peace under her own bed, with the death of the real monster).

      Pretty interesting story. Thanks a lot for sharing it!

    2. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Out of the gate with the beautiful descriptions, Lee. Can’t just be hitting me like that. Very immersive and gloomy. I love the heavy atmosphere. It’s a pall, it’s dramatic and beautiful. Quite somber.

      So, the cold woman is the witch that killed the king. And her name is Amelia. She is found peace with the King’s death by her hand. Brilliant. I want more of this story, but from the king’s perspective before he died. I can’t say if he was a good king or not, but Amelia does not think highly of him. And if her word is to be believed, she was simply defending herself.

      I believe at the end, the other woman who is keeping watch figures out that the cold woman is the witch. It’s pretty cool (pun absolutely intended).

      Critique:

      Looking up at the corpse, she caught one of (his) hands as it laid precariously close to the wood’s edge.

      There is something about your stories that has a really big mysticism to them. They feel like adventures, explorations of almost familiar worlds, if that makes sense. Like you push the boundaries of the imagination while also leaving room for others to interpret and imagine. Please write more fantasy if you are not already doing it and if you’re able. I would love to read longer pieces by you. Really great story. Thank you so very much for sharing this one.

  8. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “What Lies Beneath”
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane

    In the gelid mountain forests lies a false god sealed in stone. He slumbers forever, locked away for attempting to take from the one true Goddess. However, his ambition to acquire the Great She-Wolf’s healing power fosters mad dreams and deprives him true rest. Thus he beckons those wounded in body, mind and spirit to do his bidding.

    His secret worshippers gather in darkness and utter prayers using the name he chose after apotheosis, the Blood Nexus. From their prayers, the Blood Nexus grows like a seed, his blood red roots digging chthonic chambers. There his restless growth ingrains itself into the earth and expands into cancerous pods. Within, prayers for reprieve from maladies form structures of blood and bone and flesh and cuticle and stems and mycelia. They coil and writhe as they bind together and create limb and leaf, fang and flower.

    These children, called Nexus Scions, emerge from their cocoons into the cave. They then dig out of the earth to slake their hunger for human life. These abominations lay waste to mountain villages, sparing no one. Not even the worshippers of the Blood Nexus. Once sated, the Scions root themselves into the ground and release red spores. These spores induce high fevers and severe coughing. Eventually a blood red fruiting plant sprouts from the body and reconnects its roots to the Scion, which in turn reconnects to the Blood Nexus.

    This is why the followers of the Great She-Wolf, Asena, endeavor to stop these events. Without destroying the Nexus Scions or burning the fruiting plants, the seeds dig new chambers and ingrain more Nexus Scions into the earth. And thus, the Blood Nexus’s web of flesh, tendrils and roots grows.

    Some foolish oneiromancers – werewolf dreamwalkers – believe entering the dreams of the Blood Nexus may still his restlessness, but no one is foolish enough to dreamwalk in subconscious of a godlike being. So until we starve him or his worship declines, the Nexus Scions come. And the Blood Nexus sleeps, a horrid child grasping at divinity and settling to be a parasite.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I love this story. This is really great.

      Not only a great take on the prompt, but an amazing idea for a cosmology. This is a very good element of worldbuilding, told in an interesting in-universe voice. I can imagine that being told as a someone from an order that is swore to contain the malady of the Blood Nexus explains their sacred mission, or something like that.

      That is, perhaps, the only thing I’d maybe critique about it: it feels very monologue-y. But that would be an unfair criticism. It is a great monologue, if monologue it is. It feels like those opening narrations from great epics – equal parts informative, poetry and tone setting. And it works really well in all those fronts.

      Great story, and an incredibly interesting premise. I’m fascinated by it it all.

      Thanks for sharing it.

    2. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      I would have to agree with Aracnarquista, in that this makes for a really cool opening to larger story like some epic fantasy movie. The worldbuilding is interesting and leaves me wanting more of it to be properly explored. Unfortunately, I’d say about halfway through, the writing seems to turn from an opening to a story, to a somebody explaining the idea for a story. Despite the noticeable flaw, it was still good story and I think it would be great to see some of this further explored in the future.

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Wolf, congratulations on getting this one out! We do love a mad god situation.

      They coil and writhe as they bind together and create limb and leaf, fang and flower. (This here is a great description.)

      So, this is a hive mind story. The bed is the soil in which the Nexus Scions grow. Got you. A lot of stories relating to lore and mythicism this week. I never expected that from a prompt about a bed. Regardless, really great stuff.

      Critique:

      but no one is foolish enough to dreamwalk in (the) subconscious of a godlike being.

      A lot of great visuals here, actually. And a touch of corruption and rot. Thank you for writing and sharing this one.

  9. Aracnarquista Avatar
    Aracnarquista

    The worm at the heart of the mountain
    by Aracnarquista

    You steel yourself with courage, and temper your determination with righteous anger. You know the trial ahead is a dangerous one. To balance it out, you dream of its possible reward, and take your first step towards the beast in the heart of the mountain.

    These dark caves shame light into inexistence. These labyrinthine corridors amplify the sound of each footstep, and you dread the faint echo of your own breathing. In a dragon’s lair, any sound could be a prelude to violence and death. The beast might sleep deeply, but any threat to its wealth will spring it to action… and your only chance of survival is getting it unaware.

    Lucky you, the dragon is still fast asleep atop his mountain of riches.

    The only problem is that you are wrong in your assumption that the dragon is the most dangerous of the monsters hidden in its lair.

    At the heart of the mountain, there lies a beast. A parasitic entity that poisons the hearts of men and monsters, and takes over their dreams. A devilish power that paints your vision of the world in its own hues, making you see each and every thing only in regards as to how it can be used to further the cruel intentions of the parasite.

    You don’t come for the dragon. You come for me.

    As you progresses through the stony halls, the golden beast the dragon sleeps atop is already worming its way inside you.

    What matters to me if I’m handled by hand or claw? True power lies in what I can do, not my “owners”. I can topple kingdoms and build armies. I am not bound by empathy or by the concerns of the living, for living I am not. I’m cold metal and stone, and whichever hand caresses me serves my intents of consolidation and growth.

    You can slay a dragon, but what chance do you have against its treasure?

    Now, you are in my domains. Claim me, and I will claim you.

    For the heart of the mountain is mine.

    And so is your own heart.

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      Though the wording and delivery is a tad clunky in places, I overall like how it reads. It has a distinct, semi-poetic Lord of the Rings style manner of speaking (you know, the sort of old medieval style detailed speech) that compliments its fantasy setting and sounds really good when used by a direct narrator. The build up to the ‘real monster’ was well done, with the aforementioned language choices contributing to that. The personification of the gold as a creature in it of itself is a cool concept. Great job!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Lee Strangely!

        When the idea dawned on me of what to write about for this prompt, it was for a completely different story (in fact, the one I shared in the public thread). But while writing that one and then reading the challenges… then this idea came to me, and there was no chance I’d let it slip.

        I’ve noticed I tend to stumble into somewhat clunky speech when trying to go the grandiose route (which is something I was trying to get here), so it is a good thing for it to be pointed out. I’d like to make my narrator grandiloquent and a bit self-important, but I should probably be a bit more careful with how each sentence is parsed as to make it easier to read (after all, what fun is a good monologue if I can’t read it properly?).

        Thanks for the comment and the feedback!

    2. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      Definitely reminiscent of the gold fever in The Hobbit. The curse being the POV and talking directly to the reader is an excellent choice. It’s like I’m in Thorin’s head.

      I really enjoyed this one although it took me a little bit to get into. I usually don’t like second person stories but this one grew on me!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, WriterofThought!

        The more I thought about the idea of the hoard of the dragon as its bed, the more I thought that treasure (as in, riches amassed) is a monster in itself. The power contained in the wealth is vastly superior to the destructive power of the dragon, and after a while, the owner of the treasure is thinking with the treasure mind and in the treasure best interests, not their own. When I reached that point, I needed to write this story.

        And now I’m feeling a bit ashamed. I am a huge LotR fan, but I had not consciously remembered the Thorin’s gold fever while writing. Which makes even less sense considering I tried to mirror the Bilbo’s descent into Smaugs lair in the beginning (though with a change in narration style). That’s a bit strange.

        I’m happy you liked it even though second person stories aren’t something you usually enjoy. I think I tend to rely on second person narratives quite a lot, and I have had a mixed reception for them. But it is always great to know when they worked even for people who would have some resistance to that format before.

        Thanks a lot for the comment and feedback!

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Great story, Ara. It feels like hero’s journey. That’s spirals into a sci-fi horror. So great.

      These dark caves shame light into inexistence. (I adore this line.)

      I love that you write from the perspective of the treasure. Because it is the dragon’s bed as well as under the bed. It’s a really unique spin on the front, and as I was reading, slow dread crept into the back of my mind until realization slapped me in the side of the face. Truly a creepy yet realistic story. Because greed for things like treasure and wealth and fame are the bane of existence for many humans and monsters alike. And this is regardless of monetary status for some people. Billionaires, for one thing, always want more money. And there are people living in impoverished places who need more money. So it hits on a spectrum. I did not intend to go this philosophical with the review, but this is where we are. Lol.

      Critique:

      As you progresses (progress) through the stony halls,

      Again, I love the spin that you put on it. I love that you took up both challenges where there is not a bed or a human mentioned. Excellent job. I always look forward to your stories. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this one.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for the comment and feedback, Luna!

        Fun fact: that line you highlighted was the first line I wrote for this piece, and it survive the whole process of editing basically without change (even though the story itself changed a LOT from its first draft and its final form).

        I really like the things you say about the idea of using the treasure as the narrator and villain in the story. I was certainly motivated by my own views of how wealth, once amassed, has a power of their own – not only in what it can accomplish, but in how it can influence its owner to see the world.

        And, well, we have hoarding monsters who amass insane amounts of wealth into our own world, so I though a story from this perspective would have some relevance.

        And I really love when the reviews go in a philosophical direction – stories are also a springboard for thoughts and interesting points of discussion, so please, feel free to do so!

        Also, thanks a lot for catching that mistake – for some reason, the gear that opens up the option to edit the post is not appearing here, but I had just corrected it in my personal document.

        Once again, thanks a lot for the feedback and comment, Luna.

    4. Ooooo I loved this one. And I think the use of second person works really well for the tale you’re telling. I love the idea of the treasure itself being a monster to the extent that the dragon protecting it is an afterthought.

      That’s such a fun take on the prompt. And you build up to it very well. But I think what I like the most is the somewhat taunting tone of the whole piece. As if the treasure knows that it already has the reader in it’s grasp to the extent that it can say it’s plan to the reader’s face and it makes no difference. We’re already in its thrall.

      Kudos on the execution here! Great story. Thanks for sharing.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for the comment and feedback, Marx.

        I know a lot of readers are not very fond of second person narratives, so I’m always a bit insecure when I use that. Here, I think it would have an important effect on the story, and I’m very glad to know you also think so.

        And yeah, dragons might be dangerous… but their hoard? That’s where the true problem lies.

        And writing from the perspective of the treasure was quite fun. I have been playing with some arrogant narrators these last weeks, and those hammy and full of confidence voices are a blast to write. I don’t usually use villains in my story, so I enjoy when the chance to embody those voices appear.

        Once again, thanks!

  10. MasaCur Avatar

    The Pig Farm
    By MasaCur (CW: Abduction, implied torture. Please do not read on stream)

    Betty slowly came to, face down on a hardwood floor. She couldn’t move; something bit into her wrists as she tried to pull her hands out front. She turned her head to see where she was, and it felt like her head was still turning when she brought her cheek flat to the floor.

    A pair of work boots walked away from her, caked in mud and feces. Slowly, the man inside the boots became visible. Tall, balding, dressed in coveralls. He approached a nearby bed.

    Outside, she could hear the grunting of pigs.

    “Where…where am I?” Betty asked.

    The man looked back at her. “You’re awake already, huh?” he grunted. His face expressed contempt. He turned, and grabbed the bedframe with one hand, lifting it upward, pivoting it into the wall. The man knelt on the floor and pulled open a bolt, then lifted open a trapdoor.

    In the thick soup of Betty’s consciousness, she started to realize she was in danger.

    “Please, let me go! I won’t say anything!” The words creaked from her throat, like sandpaper on her vocal cords.

    The man didn’t respond. He walked over and grabbed her around the waist, then threw her over his shoulder.

    “No! Nononononono!” Betty cried.

    Outside the pigs started squealing.

    “Shut up!” the man growled. “You’re upsetting my hogs.”

    Betty sobbed as the man descended the stairs.

    He chained her round the neck to the stone wall, then pulled out a knife. Betty let out a scream.

    “It’s not time for hurting you yet!” the man snarled. “Keep quiet, or I’ll tape your mouth shut!” He cut the zip tie from her wrists, then, holding her arms in his powerful grasp, he chained her hands to the wall as well.

    “Please! Let me go. I just want to see my mom and dad,” Betty cried.

    The man turned and walked up the stairs.

    “What are you going to do to me?”

    The man turned back. “Nothing nice. Not for you anyway.”

    He shut the trapdoor, engulfing Betty in darkness.

    She could hear the bed lower to the floor.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I’m very curious.

      This works pretty well as a scene designed to elicit horror and disgust. But it seems like there is something that’s lacking in it. It is a pretty concise scene, and it does have a progression and build up some responses from a reader… but I almost feel like I can’t call it a proper story.

      So it is like a very intense image, but it does not shoot enough roots for me to inhabit it in a narrative sense. Does this description make any sense? I’m having difficulty conveying what I’m thinking about it.

      At least to me, this feels like an exercise in expanding one’s own writing style, going towards different narrative styles, language uses and descriptions. And in all those regards this works very well. But it seems like it lacks a bit of intentionality and direction to tie it all together and make it really work as a story.

      I’m more curious to the process of writing this one than to the written word itself, and that’s not common when reading your other stories.

      So this is all very curious. Seems like it feels like all the pieces are working, but there is something that is not there and I can’t really put my finger in what it is.

      Sorry if this comment feels a little too critical, but I’m having some difficult is expressing my thoughts on the tale here.

      Anyway, thanks for sharing.

    2. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      This is certainly an interesting take on the prompt that leaves many more questions than answers (but not in a bad way). Despite the darker subject matter, the prose style seems a bit more restrained. To me this actually works to it’s advantage a little bit in way like with Texas Chainsaw Massacre where a lot of the horror is derived from the implications and the viewer’s imagination rather than explicit imagery. Great job on an unsettling and intriguing story!

    3. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      This here gives me Hannibal vibes, Mas, and I am not completely sure how to feel about it. I think that’s a great thing, though.

      I do feel awful for Betty. No one deserves this. Being abducted is already horrific on its own, but couple that with this psychotic person who wants to hurt her for fun, and that has got to be some of the worst mental and psychological torture ever. Not to mention the fact that I got the feeling that he is going to feed her to those pigs whenever he’s finished. And if that happens, I genuinely hope that she’s not alive for that. The optimist in me is hoping against hope that someone saves her at the last second, but I truly don’t know. What’s the most heartbreaking and horrific is the fact that this mirrors real life.

      I’m going to need some serious brain bleach after this story. So, thanks for that. Your stories always hit some kind of emotional chord, and I’m glad for it. You write really great stories, and you know people so well as evidenced through your characters. You know I’m always excited to read what you share. Thank you so very much for writing this one.

  11. Why Not?
    By Marx

    Matt slowly opened his eyes, furrowing his brows at the cause of his interrupted slumber. “You do realize I know you’re there, right?”

    The only response was a high-pitched giggle from under the couch.

    “Look, I’ve had a very long day. Whatever this is and whoever you are, could you please just… not?”

    Another giggle. “She can ‘not’. She can ‘not’ all her Master wishes. She shall remain here and ‘not’ until the end of time.”

    Matt let out a long sigh as he peered under the couch. “Who are you? What do you want?”

    “She is Not. Just as her Master wished her to be.”

    Matt sighed again. “I’m not your Master. And I’m quickly losing my patience. I’m giving you one more chance to answer me.”

    In a flash, she was no longer under the couch but floating above him with a huge grin on her face. “Well, the last thing she wishes is to anger him. She wishes to serve him. Her name is Mania! Unless he wishes it to be Not. Then her name is Not.”

    After an uncomfortably long pause, Matt sighed a third time. “Nope. Not dealing with an insanity deity right now. Leave.”

    Mania flipped upside down and continued to hover. “He stated that he is not her Master and therefore to not follow his orders. Also, she is the goddess of insanity AND death, she’d have him know.”

    Matt facepalmed with a loud groan. If Mania was a death deity, that explained everything. She was attracted to his title. But before he could respond, she’d vanished again and he felt her face buried in his hair, deeply inhaling.

    “He smells like Deeeeeeath! He’s been in Death’s presence! What’s Death like? Is Death pretty? Is Death a good kisser? She’s always imagined Death as a good kisser.”

    “I, Death’s horseman, with the authority of that title, banish you, Mania, from the premises until I’ve finished sleeping. Only then will we… discuss whatever this is.”

    Mania had enough time to pout, before vanishing in another burst of light as Matt went back to sleep.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Interesting.

      Okay, now that I’ve read a few of your stories, I’m inclined to describe this series as the fated love-child of an apocalyptic epic and a sitcom. And I don’t really know what such a description entails, but this one falls squarely into sitcom territory.

      I guess this prompt works very well with your style. Part high-stakes comedy, part absurdist comedy. I feel a bit curious on how Mania is also a god of death as well as insanity.

      I’m quite fond of the beginning of their dialogue. My only critique would be that this first part is so full of character, that the last one seems a bit weaker in comparison.

      Anyway, a well-written tale. Thanks for sharing it.

      1. Thank you so much! I’m really happy you enjoyed it! Lol I don’t think I’ve heard anyone describe my world as you did, but that is hilariously accurate. Though Matt-centric stories do tend to be more campy as opposed to Alex/Daisy-centric ones which are definitely more in the drama juice section.

        Funnily enough though, when it comes to Mania being both a death goddess as well as an insanity one, that’s just how the lore is. I feel it was probably some kind of situation that happened with the greek/roman deity crossovers, but it works perfectly for what I needed the character to be.

    2. I thought there was only one like and one review because I hadn’t refreshed the page since yesterday. Imagine my shock and outrage to see the numbers not change.

      This is an amazing story. I love the joke with the phrase of “Could you not”. It’s like the “Can you give me a sec?” “I’ll give you lots of secs!” but better. Maybe.

      I’m curious when this takes place, because something about his attitude makes it feel like it’s pretty far into his story, but I feel like he’d know better by then? Yet I feel like Mania would be one of the first deities to show up once he started actually exercising his power.

      I’d love to see more of Mania, even if they just cause problems like The Great Gazoo, Mxyzptlk, or Q.

      I feel like her “You said you’re not my master so you’re not” misses the point of “I can still throw you out with great prejudice” part, but it’s very funny and they’re probably saying it just to fuck with him.

      I don’t think you’ve mentioned this character before, so I don’t know if you’ve been sitting on them for awhile or just came up with them today, but Mania is a great addition.

      I’d love to see her messing with Laila and Mara at least. Oddly I can see her getting along with Terriana for some reason.

      1. Thank you so much! Trust me, I’ll definitely be doing more with Mania. Shes a very fun character to write. I’ve been sitting on the idea of her for a while. I knew I wanted to have a death deity who was a bit psycho in contrast to the calmness of Death. But I hadn’t done a lot of research on death deities to know which one would be the best option.

        Imagine my surprise when I finally did said research and found that not only was there a deity of both death and insanity, but she’s such a minor deity that I couldn’t find that much info on her, which gave me plenty of room to make up stuff lol. Literally thought of the talking in third person thing as I was writing this one.

        As for the timeline though, this is mid-ish way in? It’s around when he’s hardcore freeing muses before he decides that he really needs to be neutral and his army starts to form on its own.

    3. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      This… Now THIS is really well done. This interaction is so much fun and just absolutely brimming with personality. The dialogue is so strong and distinct between the two that reading each of their lines I could I instantly hear each character’s respective voice as I read them. Matt’s more down to Earth vibe plays wonderfully off of Mania’s… well… mania. Mania is such a goofy and endearing character to me. She’s like a kooky blend of Dobby and Gollum. Fantastic job on this!

      1. Thank you so much! This is the first time I’ve written Mania so I’m really glad everyone seems to like her character, especially since the talking in third person was something of a last minute add-on, but it does add a little something extra to her character.

    4. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      Honestly, Marx, I shouldn’t be surprised by anything you write at this point. For the simple fact that anything can happen in your stories. And that has been well established. However, Mania is such a fun character. I love that she speaks in the third person. I totally get Smeagle/Gollum vibes from her. I also love that Matt is just tired of and so done with all of these creatures seeking him out, and he just wants a break.

      I love that this is a simple slice of life story and it is on the lighter side. Fun stuff all around. I also adore that the monster is not as threatening as one would think for the name Mania. I did cackle, though, at Mania wondering aloud if Death is a good kisser. Great stuff, dude. As per usual, I look forward to all of your stories, as they are delightful, whether it be misery or merriment. I can’t wait for the next one. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing.

      1. I do think part of the fun of this one was Matt just being done with it while Mania is steadily provoking him. I’m really glad you enjoyed it so much.

        I do try to get a nice blend of humor, agony, and sheer horror fuel depending on the story lol. This was definitely on the humor side so I’m happy I got a laugh out of you.

        I also had a lot of fun with at least attempting to make Matt the monster even though nothing he does in the story is monstrous, at least in a negative context. But attracting death deities and having the power to banish them is pretty monstrous in a sense.

        I’ll definitely be doing more with Mania though. Thanks so much for the review!

  12. Don’t Wait Up (Chronicles Of The Dragon)
    By Makokam

    Jonathan silently climbed in through the window to his room. He paused and, not hearing anyone awake, sighed and started removing his bloody and burned clothes. He took a cleaner bit of his shirt to wipe off the worst of the blood from his face, before kicking his clothes under his desk. He’d deal with those later.

    What he needed right now was a shower.

    He went to the bathroom and turned the water on as hot as it would go. Then started scrubbing the blood, and the smell of smoke and burnt flesh off of him.

    Stepping out of the shower, the water quickly steaming off of him, Jonathan went to the mirror. Checking for hard to hide injuries, he found only a faint burn on his neck, and some superficial scratches on his lower legs. The bullet and stab wounds on his torso were easy, but the hole in his forearm meant long sleeves would be a must for a couple days.

    He leaned on the sink, staring into the mirror. It was meant to be a simple hunting trip in the next town, but he’d put it off for too long. He got careless. Too excited.

    Things got messy. And loud.

    He shook his head, then went back to his room.

    An old set of pajamas would suffice for tonight and the morning. After that-

    “Snrrk mep”

    He whirled, looking around his room. The noise had come from his bed. Jonathan crouched down and found his little sister curled up and asleep.

    “Hey,” he said softly, nudging her with his hand, “Wake up.”

    She squirmed and stretched before opening an eye.

    “What are you doing under there?”

    She rubbed at her eyes. “I was gonna scare you.” She looked up at him. “Boo.”

    “Gah,” he said sitting back. She smiled and he reached a hand out. “C’mon, let’s get you into your bed.”

    She reached out her hand and he pulled her out, then picked her up. She immediately put her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, as he carried her to her room.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I was not expecting that.

      I find the whole idea of his small sister waiting under the bed to scare him adorable, and it is even more so that she has fallen asleep while waiting. This makes for a lovely and funny scene – and a very nice contrast to the heavy descriptions and worried and serious thoughts just before.

      I’m still trying to discern what kind of noise was that “Snrrk mep” supposed to be, though. It does make it all very mysterious at the moment, so it works. But I’m a bit afraid at the kind of sounds this child does in her sleep now.

      Very nice take on the prompt. Thanks for sharing it!

      1. Thank you!

        It was a fun idea and I was really happy it turned out as well as it did.

        “Snrrk mep” was my attempt at a snore, followed by a breath with lip smack. Guess it didn’t work well.

    2. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      Aw… What a cute little moment. Despite starting off seemingly darker, this turned into a very heart-warming tale. I’m a little on the fence as to whether the stark contrast between the beginning and end more helps or harms the piece… Though, I’m not saying it is a major problem. This story altogether works quite well. On one hand the to contrasts help balance one another out, but on the other, with as much detail as there was at the start, I am left focusing on what exactly Jonathan was doing (so much so that the question can almost overtake my thoughts even as the more lighthearted moments roll around). Also, I would have to agree with Aracnarquista in that “Snrrk mep” is, admittedly creative, but ultimately a rather odd and confusing choice of words for a sound that I don’t think it conveys all to well. Overall, though great job! It was a wonderful story!

      1. Hehe. Thank you!

        I was thinking about this before anti-hero even mentioned “maybe it’s a child under the monster’s bed”. I felt like the whiplash moment was what would really sell the story. Monster finds child under their bed. Oh no! But it’s their sister and they carefully take them to their own bed.

        I dunno if I really got the whiplash part, but I wanted to make sure I got the monster part down. I may not have done that as well as I thought though.

        Jonathan, being the monster in this story, was out hunting people to ease his bloodlust. ^_^
        It makes sense in context.

        “Snrrk mep” was my attempt at a snore, followed by a breath with lip smack. Guess it didn’t work well.

    3. I know you’ve asked in the past which stories would be the best to give someone unfamiliar with your world a crash course into it and I would say add this story to that list. It’s almost a perfect show of who Jonathan is. One half, casually brutal and terrifying and the other half, ridiculously sweet.

      You did a really good job portraying both. Though you could argue that the brutality is described so well that it does come across a little stronger. I also like that paragraph about the hunting trip because if the reader understands Jonathan to know what that means, it makes complete sense how he lost control, especially if he waited too long before going.

      Also, I am with everyone else in that the sound Jostica makes being a little confusing. I’d assume it was a snore with one of those cute squeaks at the end, maybe? But it weirdly works because that confusion is literally the wall between the blood, burnt flesh, hiding bullet holes and such and the cuteness that ends the story.

      Great take on the prompt!

    4. Lunabear Avatar
      Lunabear

      I really love this early look at Jonathan, Mako. I adore the duality of him. In the beginning, he is described as a force of nature. A creature that seems to be born from fire and brutality without compassion and a thirst for blood. But when he discovers his sister underneath his bed, he basically turns into a huge teddy bear. He is very loving and patient and understanding. He even takes the time to carry her to bed. Incredibly sweet.

      I do find the sound that she makes interesting, but I took it as one of those sounds people make in their sleep. I will say that at first I thought she was awake and trying to muffle herself so he wouldn’t hear. I legitimately heard Cub say that he didn’t want pancakes on his waffle while he was asleep one time, so it’s fine. LOL.

      A really great snapshot of the contrasting nature’s of The Dragon. Really great story. I cannot wait for more. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this.

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