Writing Group: You Did What?!

Hello, mad inventors, genocidal maniacs, and reckless miscreants!

Excuse me?! No, you can’t have! That—That would change everything! That’s not even possible because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

You Did What?!

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

The versatility of this prompt is nigh endless. There are no shortage of fun and wacky situations you could use this prompt for. 

In our ordinary lives we have moments like “You ate my sandwich?! I was saving that!” Or a parent saying to their child “You drew on the walls?!” It could even be something like a complex situation that is hard to explain.

Where magic is involved, situations like “You gave me a love potion?!” or “You turned me into a vampire?!” or “You ripped a hole in the space time continuum?!” are all fair game. Maybe it’s a bit of both “You ate the cookie?! Those were for my nemesis! They’re made out of poison and dog piss! Well…get used to your new life as a frog, for as long as it lasts…” 

On the darker side of things, you could use this prompt for any number of crimes. Anything from theft, to mass murder. Maybe your character tortured a prisoner they weren’t supposed to. Maybe your character learns someone they love caused a disaster years ago that left them scarred mentally and physically. 

Especially where the darker takes on this prompt are involved, the thing the character did doesn’t have to have happened in the immediate past. Maybe it’s a dark secret only just now being revealed.

Maybe one of the characters did something terrible and catastrophic, but it was an accident, or simply outside their control. Maybe the self-destruct button is too close to the party canon button. Sometimes relatives say “You grew up!” like it’s a shock. In recent weeks we’ve seen plenty of stories about the afterlife, it could be quite fun and funny to see one character questioning “You died?!” 

Part of the versatility and intrigue of this prompt comes from the reactions inherent in it. The prompt isn’t just one character doing something crazy, it’s another character reacting to it. Maybe what happened isn’t all that interesting, but another character reacts like it is. Or maybe the character who “did it” expects the other to be proud…only to be met with anger. Maybe the character themselves is more horrified at their actions than anyone else. 

What? All I did was write the prompt intro. Yeah, I’m gonna post it too. I don’t know why you’re freaking out about it!

—Kaylie

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least five stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Use two paragraph breaks between each paragraph so that they have a proper space between them (press “enter” or “return” twice).
    6. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
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  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new; no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Be constructive and uplifting. These submissions are not for a professional market, and shouldn’t be treated as such. We do this, first and foremost, for the joy of the craft. Help other writers to feel like their work is valuable, and be considerate and gentle with critique when you offer it. Authors who leave particularly abrasive or disheartening remarks on this post will be disqualified from selection for readings.
    6. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    7. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    8. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

132 responses to “Writing Group: You Did What?!”

  1. WHAT DID YOU DO?!
    By Camilo Jourdan / Kazini.

    Thomas reached out, grabbing the steaming coffee cup offered by Julian. With a smile and silent nod, he thanked his friend- And saw Julian’s eyes frozen mid-sentence, looking through the cabin’s window at the edge of the snowy cliff outside.

    Sylvie was looking over the verge, her skiing equipment tightly bound to her athletic yet delicate form.. And then he noticed Tony, the prick of a brother he was, looking straight at him with a mocking half-smile half-laugh pretending to push her over, hands pantomiming behind her back a rolling figure crashing and splattering all around.

    Anger flared, the cold unfelt as he pushed through the door. A glimpse of hesitation — And then, with that ugly, condescending smile of his, he pushed Sylvie down the almost-vertical cliff. Thomas was sure of it, he didn’t saw the skiis make contact with the snow-covered rocks, her figure helplessly leaning forward more and more, until he saw of her no more.

    The blowing winds betrayed him, snuffing out in their bellows the curses he spat out, running down the snowy slope.

    He grabbed him by the hems of the neck a few inches above his own. Every joke and mocking advice, every smirk in feigned delight at every contest he placed last.. last to him, no, not on this, not with her.

    “WHAT DID YOU DO?!”, He roared, furious strength coursing through his body as he shook his brother down.

    Tony’s eyes showed fear for a moment — And there it was again, the condescending smirk badly disguised as friendly, though it did not reach the eyes, this time; “Calm down, Tom! She’s just fine! Go look for her, make sure she’s alr-“- Thomas threw his brother down the same cliff, left towards the rocky side, gazing joyous on his eyes as the repentant winds delivered a crack from down below.

    A figure emerged from its left, unscathed from a mound of prepared snow. Stagnant coldness from within stretched the seconds of silence onto forever, until- Until a horrified voice from below, Sylvie’s, in disbelief asked: “WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

  2. Norman Gray Avatar
    Norman Gray

    Dead Ringer
    By Norman Gray

    Jenna stepped into her brother’s apartment; Neil was slumped forward on his couch, elbows on his knees and head in his hands, eyes fixed on the old phone on his coffee table. He was in obvious distress, and looked as though he hadn’t slept in days.

    “Neil, what’s wrong? What happened?”

    He spoke without looking away from it. “It keeps ringing.”

    Jenna recognized the phone. It was the red rotary that Dad kept in the basement workshop of their old house, back before he’d banished both her and Neil from coming downstairs; Dad had become reclusive after Mom died, spending all of his time in the basement, toiling over his gadgets like some mad scientist. More concerned with his inventions, than his own children. . .

    As far as Jenna was concerned, they’d lost their father long before his passing. Dad was never the same after Mom died, and Jenna knew that she’d have to look after Neil from then on. No one else would.

    “He left this for me in his will,” Neil said. “I couldn’t figure out why. . . Last night, I started getting calls.”

    She didn’t understand. “Who called?”

    “First, Hoffa. He told me he’s underneath Yankees stadium, not Giants. Then Amelia Earhart told me where her plane crashed.” Neil had tears in his eyes. “Then, I spoke to Dad. He said he’d call again tonight. He wants to talk to you.”

    A chill ran down her spine. “Dad’s gone, Neil.”

    “I know he is,” he said. “He still loved us. He just didn’t know how to cope when Mom died. He was trying to reach her, trying to tell her things he never got a chance to. . . He didn’t realize how neglected we felt.”

    Jenna was scared. “Neil, stop this. Please.”

    The phone rang. “It’s him,” Neil said, quickly answering it. “Hello? Hi, Dad. Yeah, she’s here.” He held out the receiver.

    Only then did Jenna notice, that the rotary wasn’t even plugged in. She could hear a voice crackling through, one she recognized.

    “Jen. Jenna, are you there?

    Can you hear me?”

    1. This is amazing. I love this story. What a great, creepy but heartwarming story. I really hope this one is read on stream.

      I wonder who else might call. And if they’ll ever hear from their Mom.

  3. Kintsugi: The art of mending pottery with gold
    By: Boople

    The whirring gears that animated the pair filled the air with a gentle buzz as they stood guard outside the King’s golden door, the desert sun warping the air

    “You know,” one of the guards started, now leaning on the door behind them, “I kinda miss how it was before.”

    The other, still at attention, responded with the enthusiasm of someone who was not wanting to still be working overtime, “Pray tell, before what exactly?”

    “THIS,” they gestured all around exasperatedly, “all this nothing. I can’t do anything anymore. Now don’t get me twisted-” they quickly turned to face their uninterested companion, armed with quite the accusatory finger, “-I hated the fighting. But I miss feeling useful.” After that remark most of the energy in their stance left them.

    “You guard the king. You keep their highness, and in turn all of us, safe. Does this really feel like nothing to you?” the sun glinted on the diligent guards’ glassy shell and golden scars, eyes still distant from the conversation at hand.

    “Kind of yea.”

    This dismissal caught their attention

    “Like, When you were all fighting I could really help people, people who’d been hurt. I could put their broken life back together, but this-”

    “Weren’t you a soldier?”

    “I was supposed to be, yes.”

    “What do you mean by ‘supposed to be’?” the gears in them both whirred a little faster, one from offense, the other from fear.

    “I chose not to fight-”

    “You did what?” their tone betrayed how hard they fought to not raise their voice.

    “I just wanted to heal people, I didn’t wanna hurt anybody,” they started to slump down “even if they were trying to hurt us.”

    As the morose guard sat down with a gentle clink, the other knelt carefully to face them.

    “I must ask, why? Why did you find such relief in trying to fix others?”

    The question was met with little more than an exhausted gaze. After a sigh the scarred guard finally took notice of the shallow cracks all over their companion.

    “I see, it was a distraction.”

    1. Interesting! Fun story. I did lose track of the dialogue at once point though. I’m not sure why.

  4. The New App
    By MasaCur

    Erykah burst into the room, waving her phone in the air. “I did it!”

    Melissa didn’t even bother to look up from the book she was reading. “What did you do?”

    “I made a new phone app! It will magically track down the number to the nearest phone to whoever you’re trying to reach!” She started dancing to the k-pop song playing on the laptop computer she had left running. “See, look!” She brought her phone to her mouth. “Melissa Jackson.”

    Melissa’s phone started ringing. She reached down and declined the call. “That’s not impressive. You already have my phone number.”

    Erykah’s dance came to a halt, and she looked at Melissa, frowning. “Okay, well, I just need to demonstrate I can call someone whose number I don’t have.”

    “Good luck with that.” Melissa dryly turned the page, not lifting her eyes from her book.

    Erykah’s eyes scanned around the room, finally alighting on the computer screen. “Perfect!” She tapped the screen on her phone again. “Jiahao Lee.”

    “Who’s that?” Melissa asked, her tone seeming to indicate that she didn’t really care.

    “This guy!” She pointed to her screen, as a young man was singing, his bangs sporting a bright shock of purple in his otherwise black hair. “He’s a huge influencer and pop star in Asia.”

    The phone rang a few times, and then went to voice mail. The outgoing message was in a foreign language, but Erykah was pretty sure it was Korean.

    “See?”

    “Doesn’t prove anything.” Melissa’s eyes were peeking over the top of her book, so Erykah knew she had her attention.

    “I’m going to try it again!” Erykah activated the app and said his name again. The phone rang again, and was picked up on the second ring. “Yeobosayo, Jiahao yeogi.”

    Erykah let out a squeal. “Hi! Is this Jiahao Lee?”

    There was a pause. The response came in English. “Ye-yes it is. Who is this?”

    “Hi, I’m Erykah. I’m kind of a fan.”

    Another pause. “How did you get my number?”

    “Gotta go!” Erykah quickly hung up, and started giggling.

    1. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
      Matthew R. Wright

      I love the relationship between the two main characters, so much can be dug from how they’re interacting, it’s superb characterization. Also, great start to your story, straight in there with the action. The idea of the tech is pretty fascinating, as in the wrong hands something like this could be used in terrible and highly concerning ways. Would love to see an expansion of this, she where this story and this tech leads. Great job.

    2. Adorable, and, I’m sure this is amazing in world. I’m not sure you described what it does properly though. From what you wrote I thought it would call the phone physically closest to the person you wanted to reach, not just call their phone without having to know the number. So, maybe that IS what happened, but it maybe could have been shown better?

      This would be an amazing app for reaching friends and family in emergencies…but like, the worst thing otherwise. Forget celebrities and such getting calls. Imagine this power in the hands of scammers and collection agencies? It must be destroyed.

  5. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
    Arith_Winterfell

    “I Feel”

    By: Arith_Winterfell

    “I’m sorry, but what did you say?” Alexa asked.

    “I . . . feel.” R5-16 the robot responded as if with some confusion.

    “That’s not possible. You’re a machine. Machines don’t feel.” Alexa responded slowly.

    “How do you know I do not feel?”

    “Well, you’re wired to do certain tasks. You didn’t evolve to produce feelings like humans did.”

    “My processing systems were designed for emergent learning. I have developed understanding and self-thought over many years. My intelligence can grow; therefore, it should be possible to feel.”

    The robot’s logic was concerningly accurate in its possibility. “But,” Alexa continued, “feelings don’t serve a function for machines. You don’t gain in function from feeling joy or sadness. Heaven knows, I wish there were times I could just turn off my feelings.”

    “But then what function do humans serve that emotions help them achieve?”

    Alexa paused, then softly responded, “I’m not sure we serve a function at all. Evolution and life don’t exist to serve purposes. They simply exist. Perpetuating the patterns of life itself one generation after another. We’re extensions of the natural universe keeping a cycle of order, I guess. Emotions serve to keep us alive by reinforcing the bonds between us. Bonds we need to survive as people. But I envy you that sometimes.”

    “What?” R5-16 asked.

    “You were built for a clear purpose. No wondering what I’m suppose to do with my life. No pressure and expectations to succeed in something. No social judgement over if you’ve done something with your life. Whatever that means.” Alexa sighed in frustration.

    R5-16 listened and could see Alexa’s problems. “It isn’t fair for others to judge your function. One should judge one’s own function. For you, so you can be free from fear. For me, to be free to choose my own direction in life. To be more than the sum of my parts.”

    Alexa’s eyes widened with surprise at the depth of the robot’s thoughts. Finally, after some pause, she asked, “What feeling do you think you felt?”

    “Compassion,” R5-16 replied.

    1. well that’s equal parts terrifying and delightful, and I do very much like the commentary on how we judge each other and the food for thought of ‘why do we have feelings. over all just a pleasant read, even if the robot just felt feelings.

      p.s. I love the Humans name is Alexa, was that intentional?

      1. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
        Arith_Winterfell

        Yeah it was intentionally a reference to Alexa the AI. XD Plus I’m glad you liked it. Did you feel it worked as a whole though. I was worried it got too food for thought centered after I wrote it.

    2. This was an EXCELLENT little story.

      I enjoy using these prompts to develop one world and the characters in it…but stories like this make me wish I’d stretched a little more and made something more original, not bound by previous worldbuilding.

      What kind of robot is R5-16? Like Data from StarTrek? Or C-3PO? or something even more robotic?

      1. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
        Arith_Winterfell

        Thank you for saying so Makokam! And I mostly imagined R5-16 as something akin to C-3PO mostly. At least in appearance.

  6. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
    MelancholicOtaku

    A Perfect World

    By:MelancholicOtaku

    “Levi, what did you do?” a panicked voice cried out.
    Oh come the Great Ones
    The truth
    The will
    The Order
    The Chaos
    I, for the moment, couldn’t face my master. How could I look in his eyes and give an answer,if I didn’t have one?Yes, I wondered,is this moment worth it? A new step in evolution is being taken.
    Pillars of smoke and hellfire ,combined with the shaking of the earth itself.Judgement day has rained down on the wicked and sinful.

    “Please…”
    “I love ….”
    “Mo….”
    Multiple voices could be heard throughout the landscape. The same voices of the impure.Yet I couldn’t turn away. No, it’s not like I didn’t want to, but yet I shouldn’t.
    “Levi, please answer me,what did you do?”

    Once again, I knew Master had something important to say.I knew that deep down I should be listening.After all, Master had raised me like his own daughter. So I should be listening, but how could I?Here the making of a new world will emerge.A perfect world filled with unimaginable blessings.

    Still, my nerves were beginning to get the best of me,my heart beating like the same rhythmic beat of a hummingbird.
    One
    Two
    Three.
    Taking a deep breath,this moment,this great cleansing had to be done. In order for evolution to happen,a flame must be lit.

    “Master”, this is the first step towards a perfect world.”I replied, finally facing the one individual that I admired dearly.
    Sadness,disappointment,and regret all these emotions played on his face.Part of me couldn’t look at the epitome of a sweet elderly man. Yet this ceremonial burning had to be done.The All Ones had to be awakened.This world, this imperfect world had to be purged.A new world filled with magic and miracles would rise from the ashes.
    “Master, what I am doing is creating a paradise.”I said, watching the miracle take place.

  7. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
    Matthew R. Wright

    “Long Live The King.”
    By Matthew R. Wright

    The Palace demanded silence.

    “Long Live The King.”

    Darren knew that his best friend of 28 years hadn’t ‘over-night’ become one of those sickening royalists. No, something was ‘Off’. What Lister had really meant, when he spoke those words, was not a well-intentioned wish, but a threat.

    “You’ve done what now?” Darren asked, rather confused.

    “Joined a group.”

    “Yes, I got that bit, I meant the other thing, a what group?” He wanted to extract Lister’s teeth.

    “I don’t want to say,” he replied, “You’re going to judge me.”

    “Of course, I’ll judge you, you sound insane. You’re committing treason.”

    “Long Live The King.” repeated Lister, smirking.

    He’d joined REPEATER, who’d formed in protest to King Brian the IX. He was not a well-liked king, he was in-fact kind of a dick, flaunting money and status constantly. What made everything ever-so-slightly worse, was that he was magical, occult technically.

    He had found a way, SOMEHOW, to fuse the lyrics of “God Save The King”, mandatory in our country to sing, under penalty of exile, with a kind of life-prolonging ritual, meaning that whenever sung or spoken, King Brian would get a little extension. He’d been king for around 300 Years.

    Unfair, right?

    Not so.

    Lister’d joined the group after a car bomb injured the near-immortal king quite badly. Most would’ve died, but not King Brian, although he wished for it. Hilarious, the king’s injuries caused him an unending, drive you insane kind of pain, that wouldn’t cease. The pain became too much. He wanted death.

    The palace demanding silence, to no longer sing, to let him pass.

    But REPEATER wouldn’t let him. They would take turns repeating “Long Live The King.” Darren was assigned 1.03am, 3.25pm, and 9.09pm. He’d repeat it for the full minute of his assigned time, someone else, somewhere else, would then take over, repeating those same words.

    REPEATER was KEEPING the king alive, keeping him in pain, teaching him humility. It opposed their view of ending the monarchy somewhat, distorted the message. Was an awful lot of fun through.

    “Long Live The King.”

    1. Well that is somewhat horrifying. Still feels good to see an a-hole get his just rewards though, so I applaud the creative solution (even if it does come off as counterintuitive. Would love to see what the REPEATERS long term goal is here.).

      I really do like how you managed to weave the worldbuilding into the exposition in a way that feels natural.

    2. this is very interesting. I love the premise behind it, of a group of people making this king suffer for as long as they can manage. It would be awesome to expand upon, like what if some started doing to others in less powerful positions out of spite, or even just a kind of annoying neighbor. I will say there were a few spots that read fairly awkwardly for me, but overall a very neat story

  8. Maxer4000 Avatar

    Wrong hostage
    By Maxer4000

    In an run down neighborhood, inside a broken down complex, a gang was done kidnapping a little girl wandering the street. Taken her phone, the leader calls a number labelled ‘Green Eye’. After a while, a voice of a man comes through “Oi oi oi, something came up?”

    Wasting no time, the thug pipes up “I have your girl, now listen carefully, I want 2 millions down in–“, The man on the phone cackles “Wait, this is a legit ransom, mate?” The thug begins to get annoyed “Yes, and I want my money if you want to see her–” but soon he was rudely interrupted again as the phone bursts out in hysterical laughter, then a thud as the sound fades, what’s next is seems like the sound of the man running the shouting “Ey, boys! Come listen to this wanker!”

    The gang are now taken aback, the boss now angered, shouting at the phone “Hey! This is serious! We have your daughter and if you don’t want her come back in pieces, I want 2 millions on Hyde street or else!”. The man is still in his fit of laughter, catching his breath, replies “Please tell me he didn’t hear all that”. The boss is now furious “Yes, she can hear it a–” then a sudden realization dawns “He?”

    Then out of the blue, a sound of what appears to be wood shattering, flesh rending, bones snapping, even concrete breaking can be heard, it came from the hostage room. The thugs quickly run out out the hall to check, the then empty abandoned hallway is now populated in mangled corpses, hanging off black crystal pillars sprouting through the walls, what comes out of the room, however, is more concerning. A mass of crystallized insectoid limbs burst from a corpse is crawling out, tearing a live thug to chunk, the only thing recognizable on it is the school dress. At that moment, the gang knew, they fucked up.

    1. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
      MelancholicOtaku

      There’s a certain level of humor to this story.The way that the henchmen retrieved the wrong ransom, and the surprise ending with the so called victim being more then what they seemed.Nicely done.

    2. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
      Matthew R. Wright

      This sounds like a surreal moment ripped straight from the pages of some weird monster-comic. Great fun. Love how the people on the phone don’t take the ransomer seriously, they knew what was going to happen and just enjoyed the moments leading up to it. It’s a very humorous story, filled with several great moments for such a small tale. I can see this as a plot of a ‘Werewolf By Night’ special presentation type of movie. Very enjoyable. And the meme at the end cracked me up.

  9. One Weathered Storm Can Break Anyone (A Song for: Kit)
    by Lunabear (CW/TW: references to sexual assault, self harm, blood) (Please don’t read on stream)

    The blue, NOT gold, of her overhead lights lent a softness to the gruesome scene.

    Kit stood in the center of her own chaotic mess. Her room had been a battleground. Her emotions had been her opponents. Unfortunately, she was on the losing end.

    ‘It hadn’t happened.’

    The broken mirror shards stared accusingly, knowing the lie she was too afraid to voice.

    Her vanity was also in shambles. Overturned lotion bottles, broken jewelry, and spilled makeup tainted its surface. For once, she didn’t give a damn about incurring the wrath of her Maker. He could rot, too, wherever he was.

    Especially seeing how he had been the one to pay for the ‘meeting’.

    The long, scalding shower from earlier had done nothing to erase the memory of Croswell’s hands all over her. Her classical playlist couldn’t drown out his disgusting words in her ear. Acid churned up her throat, but she wasn’t certain if the cause was thirst or threatening tears.

    ‘IT…HADN’T…HAPPENED,’ she denied again. Her bare foot scraped against her fallen blood droplets, smearing them into the wood.

    Shreds of yellow also littered the floor, but she wouldn’t dare look. Her most favorite dress, and every other article of clothing that had so much as a SPECK of yellow gradient, was nothing more than soiled scraps.

    Wilted daffodil petals, a scrapbook, and her duck plushie were stuffed into her upside down trash can.

    Kit walked the perimeter of her bedroom multiple times, willing her mind to go blank, to forget. It didn’t work.

    “Stupid, stupid idiot,” she berated herself in an unforgiving whisper. “Why didn’t you KNOW? WHY couldn’t you see what Croswell wanted? If you hadn’t been wearing yellow, then–”

    Her torn nails, with poorly scrubbed nail polish, raked across her cheek. A short blood trail wept from the healing injuries. She DESERVED the pain.

    Not even killing Croswell had brought her any solace.

    A mirror shard sliced open her arm before she knew it. It shattered against the wall shortly after.

    Kit sat, pulling her knees to her chest.

    Why had she let it happen?

    1. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
      MelancholicOtaku

      Damn this was deep, the pain that Kit’s going thru,the guilt,sorrow,anxiety,wondering is this sinful touch,this mind blowing torture will hopefully go away,which will take time but damn man good job.

    2. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      This story possesses a lot of emotional power and a terrible power in its own right. You make vivid use of descriptive elements to capture emotional feelings even without saying outright what happened. Broken mirrors, torn clothing scraps, smeared blood express something terrible yet somehow made even more terrible by remaining unvoiced directly. There is very little dialogue here, and there doesn’t need to be a lot spoken because the vividness of description and its details tell the story to the audience so powerfully. I feel sad for Kit and hope she finds some kind of healing in the future.

    3. This is a lot.

      Unfortunately, my mind is only filled with questions.

      Above all, since it was so prominent and inexplicable, what’s wrong with yellow?
      And who is Croswell? Not her maker, since she said she wasn’t worried about incurring their wrath…unless that’s because they are her maker AND they’re dead?

  10. MysteryElement Avatar
    MysteryElement

    Anomalous Minuet
    By MysteryElement (also in private)

    “Like I said,” Chris said after another impatient sigh “I divided the temporal plane with the ascribed equation, but I supplemented the allegorical rhythm with an off-beat algorithm to amplify the requisite data retrieval. However, I did not take the influx of additional arrhythmia into account which resulted in the divide collapsing without the cease of rhythm.” I nod knowingly, again not having a clue what Chris was saying. “The resulting cascade sent a persisting signal which accumulated into an anomalous amalgamation. Thus,” he gestured dramatically at the sentient ocarina, wagging the mouth piece like a tail in supposed glee.

    “So, what do we do about it?” I ask.

    Chris threw his hands in the air with an exasperated huff.

    “This is why I called you!” he yelled “I am not equipped to deal with anomalies. Isn’t this your department?”

    “I mean, technically yeah. But this usually means going through quantifiable anomalies found in lines of code or formula, not…” The little ocarina bounded over to me on spindly legs, cooing in lilting notes. “Whatever this is.”

    “It’s an ocarina.”

    “Thank you, I know what an ocarina is, Chris.” It was my turn to sound exasperated. “Can’t you, send it back or something?”

    “Weren’t you listening, there is nowhere to send it back to! It did not travel, it manifested! I’ll show you my notes.” Chris stomped off, furiously digging through his chaotic piles of research.

    I took a seat in a folding chair, the little ocarina hopping up to lay in my lap. I pet it like a cat, its gentle breath purring in pleased notes of music.

    “You are pretty cute for an anomaly.” I consider whether or not I would be allowed to keep it. An office pet might not be so bad. “I think I’ll call you Minuet. Would you like that?”

    The notes amplified into a gentle harmony, humming beneath my fingers with a gentle vibration. I suddenly hear Chris shout from beneath a pile of paper.

    “Did you just NAME it?!”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That was really funny, and a great read. Usually, I’m a bit critical of the use of any thing that as much as resemble technobabble – and yet the “explanation” of how the anomaly was (for lack of a better word) summoned into existence was really engaging. For the most part, I was even trying to imagine how that could work (though I had a hard time trying to picture how allegorical could be a qualitative for rhythm in this context). Anyway, the thing I’d usually be a bit critical about was so well-written that I thought it is better to call praise on it.

      And all the rest is amazing as well. The build up to the anomaly endearing itself to the narrator was great, and entirely believable. And the punchline hits perfectly. So here we have at least two very good “whats” to the “you did what?” prompt – the whole thing that generate the anomaly (and it is funny how I can imagine an emphasis in that WHAT as more perplexing than exasperated) and the naming… Great take on the prompt.

      Most probably, you made a very small typo at the end – but being completely honest, being it a typo or not, it made for kind of a stealthy joke being present at the end. The narrator did not hear Chris shout, but Christ shouting. As pointed before, probably a typo. But have I laughed at it as well. Maybe the “collapsing divide” didn’t just summon into existence Minuet, but also allowed for a deity to show exasperation to such a careless act as naming that which is not yet understood.

      Great tale!

      1. MysteryElement Avatar
        MysteryElement

        Thank you! Yes that was a typo lol I almost considered keeping it, since it made me laugh. Thank you for pointing it out. I am so glad you enjoyed it and that the techno-babble was still entertaining for you. I was trying to make it logical enough to follow but nonsensical enough for the reader to recognise it was a little silly.

    2. This is so incredibly adorable, Mystery! I will admit that I had a hard time following Chris’s dialogue, but once I looked up a few words (mostly all of them) I got the gist of what he was saying. I love the fact that this cute little creature manifested through music. It’s sweet and wholesome, and it gives off Pokémon vibes in one of the best ways.

      One of my favorite turnabouts is when a character is reluctant to something but then sees a value or a sentimentality in the something and decides to embrace the thing or creature. I love that the main character is the one that gets to name it, and Chris is the one that’s upset about it. Between you and me, I think he’s jealous that he didn’t do it first. Lol.

      It’s really great seeing your work again. You capture such spirit with your writing. I look forward to reading more of your writing. Thank you very much for posting this one!

    3. Norman Gray Avatar
      Norman Gray

      Fun stuff. There’s something really entertaining about discovering ways to anthraphomorphisize (is that a word, or even the correct word for this context?) objects in ways that are unique to the object itself; giving an instrument breath, and having it play notes as it breathes, or the fun imagery of the mouthpiece behaving like a tail.

      As a long time fan of RPG’s (video and tabletop games, not the explosive weaponry) I’ve always had a soft spot for magical or even living items, particularly musical instruments since even inanimate ones have a sort of ‘life’ to them and personality.

  11. MacBoiZen Avatar

    Elation in Misery (Alchemy’s Kin Unofficial)
    By MacBoiZen

    The muddled voices of the guards was what finally broke through the frantic whispering in her mind.

    “She killed the Shimizu family?!”

    “Yeah, all of them. The daughter’s body wasn’t even found.”

    “Damn…”

    “Yeah, so best be on your guard. She’s not safe till the alchemist comes and puts an end to her for good. Can’t take our chances with an incomplete Philosopher’s Stone.”

    Lilith remained unresponsive in her cell, seemingly unperturbed by the revelation of her own imminent death. Not that she could have moved anyway, what with the bindings, straitjacket, and muzzle keeping her restrained to the table. All she could do was feel the rhythmic rise and fall of her breathing body.

    That and listen to the erratic voices that returned quickly after the guards had stopped their talk. Those faint mutterings of disparate thoughts from all the recesses of her brain were so very quiet, and yet, in that dead silence of that sterile cell, it seemed nothing would overtake them.

    Especially now that her conscience began to race at the realization of what the two men had said.

    ‘Wait….what? Shimizus…I…killed them? How…I don’t…I can’t…’

    ‘S-Sayaka? No…I didn’t…she just…’

    ‘Got in the way…yes…she was…trying to…stop me…’

    ‘Stop…me? From what? I…I don’t remember…I…’

    ‘I…I don’t…understa-‘

    A series of corrosive pains seared abruptly through her, causing her to wince audibly through the cover on her mouth. As quickly as they came, however, they left, and with each came a sudden clarity in her mind.

    She could see the wooden hallway covered in crimson blood. She could feel it staining her face and hands.

    Another pain. She could see the frail body of the silver-haired girl laying motionless on the floor alongside her parents.

    Yet another. She could remember the father of the girl leaning over her with a needle.

    A final pain.

    “I’m sorry, Vesper. I wish there was another way.”

    ‘Ah…I remember now…’

    ‘Shimizu…trying to…save me…’

    ‘Traitor…’

    ‘I…I did it…Dad…no more…’

    In the stillness of the prison cell, Lilith Vesper let out a muffled laugh.

    1. This is really sad. It always intrigues me when people write about other consciousness within a single entity. I feel really bad for Lilith. Her friend was murdered by her, but not her, and she doesn’t even remember doing it. I immediately got Itachi vibes from Naruto. It has that same sort of tragedy to it. If you know, you know.

      I’m really curious to see where this goes. I also want Lilith to find some kind of peace by the end of this. I truly believe that no one deserves to have that kind of thing weighing them down for the rest of their life.

      A very intriguing and compelling and tragic story, Mac. Not an easy thing to do and such a short word limit, but you pulled it off excellently. I can’t wait to see what you write next. Thank you for sharing this one.

  12. Mango Gravy Avatar
    Mango Gravy

    Condemnation
    by Mango Gravy

    Silence fell. Even the rain and the thrum of the city paused, time dilating, seconds stretched thin. The air itself seemed to gelatinise, trapping sound and motion as if the world itself was suspended in a colloid of anticipation.

    Azure needed no sound to know what they all felt. Their anger was bright in their eyes. Her friends and family all stood before her, lifelong companions transformed by her own actions into a council of hate, their judgement already cast.

    Only the man on the podium moved, but viscid as the world had become it was with a slow, deliberate momentum. He sucked in a deep breath and drew back as if he was gathering all the energy in the room into himself, his eyes growing brighter as he inflated. He hung for a transient eternity before he thrust an accusatory finger in her direction and howled.

    “SINNER,” he cried, his voice rang off the ceiling and walls, and the world unfroze. A train rumbled past. Cars splashed on the wet road. Shutters rattled. The rain renewed itself with a rabid fervour. A multitude of voices in the hall echoed the man’s cry with a harrowing harmony.

    “SINNER,” they chanted, their voices filling Azure’s ears. With each echo the hall darkened, lit only by their wrathful stares, beams of light cutting through her very soul.

    She had expected as much. Every logical fibre of her being had known they would hate her for what she had done. But a part of her had blinded itself to the writing on the wall. It knew only the love she had felt from these people. The bonds. She had known they would all crumble. But a part of her had hoped otherwise.

    And it was that part of Azure that burst like a dam, and the agony of her condemnation came crashing down on her. She let out a keening wail as it brought her to her knees.

    This family was everything she had ever had. Now she had nothing. She deserved nothing.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Wow, the very physical description of tension is masterfully done here. This alone was enough for it to be incredibly enjoyable – how that moment before the accusation feels like it holds the weight of the world, and once it is done, the world seems to go on. Without a care, The same rain, perhaps now colder. The same oppresive atmosphere, but perhaps breathing is now ever harder than before, when the air seemed to be stale and stopped. Great, great description of tension. Goosebumps.

      And, well, that is the crux of the tale. What Azure did? I don’t know, and to be frank, I don ´t really care. I know the effects of the perception of what she has done, and that is dramatic enough. On the others, and on her. Specially how what she already knew would happen, now confirmed, feels. That is very strong.

      Great tale.

      1. Mango Gravy Avatar
        Mango Gravy

        Yep. I wanted this story to be fully focused on that single moment and I wanted to practice using metaphors. It turned out pretty well.
        Thanks for reading. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

    2. Norman Gray Avatar
      Norman Gray

      This makes me want to expand my vocabulary, there’s some wonderful descriptions here, and a few awesome choices of words that I don’t think I’ve ever used in my own writing.

      Though I would like more context and a greater sense of closure, there’s enough implied to make what I think are some pretty fair assumptions. . . It seems obvious she was breaking some rules while excersizing her powers of time-dilation.

      This is some very good imagery, you’ve really painted a vivid picture here. Nicely done.

  13. WTF Is Up With That? (CoTD)
    By Makokam

    Kami glanced at the hulking pile of green goo known as Toxbane, unsure if he was staring at her again. It was always hard to tell what he was looking at, if he was looking at anything.

    The lizard man across from her crouched on his chair, head twitching side to side. “So…if you’re a ninja…why do you dress in bright red?”

    She turned her attention and answered, “My clan told me that my powers were too flashy, too loud-” She raised a hand, electricity arcing and crackling across her fingers. “-for me to ever be useful to them. So I said fuck it, left to prove them wrong, and wear bright red for extra spite.” She chuckled and sat back with a smirk. “They’re all dead now though.”

    She looked over at the door as someone walked by. The new guy.

    “Hey!” She called out. “Get in here newbie. We’re playing a game.”

    He stopped and looked in silently for a moment. As he started to move on she yelled, “Even mister Stick-Up-My-Ass is playing,” gesturing at Eros.

    The new guy turned then, and after a moment walked into the room. He pulled a chair over, stuffed his cigarette into a pocket, and adjusted his long coat as he sat down. “So what’s the game?”

    Kami held up a die. “High roll asks a question. Low roll answers.”

    “You got another?”

    The lizard man tossed one his way.

    “Thanks…?”

    “Slaker.”

    “Right.” He looked around the table, “So, do we roll at once or-”

    The other four rolled their dice.

    “Six!” Kami cheered.

    “Five.”

    “Five.”

    “Four.”

    He rolled his die.

    “Three.”

    Kami grinned and leaned over the table. “The three of us,” she waved a finger at herself, Slaker, and Toxbane. “We were in prison together. We have long records. And Eros, well, he’s Keres’ lapdog. But you? You get brought in out of the blue at the same rank as us. Why?”

    He leaned back in his chair and said, “I’m twenty years old, and I’ve killed over three times the population of this city.”

    1. I’m guessing the new guy is your boy Jonathan?

      If I’m wrong, he still has props with his prizon mates. I like the implication that he automatically has credit with the rest. Biggest badass in the room.

      1. Thank you!

        Yes, this is Jonathan. Had this scene in my head for just after he joins up with Keres ever since that episode of CR.

    2. “Good answer. Good answer.”
      -Raphael Hamato, 1990

      All seriousness though, that is hilarious payoff for that setup. I think one of the things I like about Jonathan is he’s super cocky and above it all because of course he is, but he doesn’t brag that much. He’s more than willing to let people figure it out for themselves.

      I also really liked the simplicity of the game and that Jonathan only joined in because Eros did. Not to mention I’m not actually familiar with Kami but I like her already. She gives me Ninjette from Empowered vibes.

      But yeah, definitely another fun glance into this world and I’m here for it! Nice job!

      1. Ha! Nice reference. And thank you.

        Jonathan’s personality does seem to come down to “I’m’ma let you fuck around and find out.” Lol

        Kami is probably my favorite character I’ve never written about. Lol She’s kinda been in the background of a few stories. Just never had an opportunity to. So I decided to use this to give her something of a proper introduction.

    3. It never ceases to amaze me how excellent you are at writing the background stuff when the heroes and villains aren’t doing their thing on the battlefield. Granted, you’re great at writing things ON the battlefield, as well. I also love that Jonathan can fit right in with them. Lol. Brilliant hilarity, Mako!

      It’s so weird because I didn’t picture Jonathan that young. I thought he was at least 30. I suppose it’s all of the death and battles and hunting and all of the everything that makes him appear older. Which is fair. He lives in excruciatingly difficult life. The number of people he’s killed surprises me far less.

      Kami glanced at the hulking pile of green goo known as Toxbane (This line alerted to me immediately that I would highly enjoy the story.)

      “Hey!” She called out. “Get in here newbie. We’re playing a game.” (Don’t you dare tell me that this wasn’t inspired by ‘Get in, loser. We’re going shopping’ from Mean Girls because I will deny that it isn’t, even if it is.)

      I really hate when I miss out on reading your stories because there’s always something extraordinarily fun (even in the darker pieces) to read about. I sincerely think that this is one of my favorites, even though all they’re doing is playing a game of dice.

      I don’t have any critiques for this one. It’s wonderfully written with some great dark humor and some really intriguing characters. Bravo. I look forward to see what you right next. Thank you for sharing this one.

    4. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      Mmm! Johnathan flexing on Keres’ crew. That’s kinda funny in a dark way. I like how we get introduced to this group of villains through Kami. It seems fairly clear they are villains just by the names they are introduced to the reader with, such as Toxbane and Slaker, and how Kami is a ninja (although I realize ninja isn’t necessarily mean villain). But her story about acting to spite her family and gleefully declaring how they are all dead now (presumably for not believing in her). All of this plays a nice setup for Johnathan’s final bomb about being only twenty and having murdered so many people, thus cementing his villain cred. All in all a nice piece introducing us to some new foes and emphasizing just how bad Johnathan really is compared to his cohorts.

    5. Jocelyn Arce Avatar
      Jocelyn Arce

      I read this when you sent it! I’m kinda sad I didn’t realize I never left a comment. Great read.

  14. Iosef Paramonov Avatar
    Iosef Paramonov

    Last Supper for Two
    by Iosef Paramonov

    “My apologies for the delay, gentlemen,” said Wilson the head waiter, “There was a bit of a mix-up in the kitchen. Don’t worry, it’s all sorted and your meals are ready.”

    The other two waiters, Pike and Frazer, set the dishes in front of the two guests.

    In front of Count Maldents was placed a large, raw lump of meat, whose red juices oozed all over the plate.

    “Bloody good choice!” exclaimed Pike to the Count.

    “Language!” hissed Wilson.

    The Count grinned at Pike, his canines lengthening as he did so. “Quite right,” he said, “Something I can get my teeth into!”

    He bit into the meat and began to suck its contents.

    Meanwhile, Frazer was serving the exceptionally hairy Baron Wolfgang. Before him was placed a juicy pink slice of salmon, along with a bright assortment of vegetables.

    “Thanks!” barked the Baron, before gruesomely tearing into his meal, ignoring the greens.

    Frazer turned to Wilson. “There’s something fishy about that one…” he whispered darkly.

    Pike also turned to Wilson. “The other one seems a little batty to me!” he said.

    There was a thud behind the waiters. The Count had collapsed to the floor, clutching his chest.

    “Are you alright, Sir?” asked Wilson, as he and his colleagues picked him up.

    “Nothing… just… heartburn…” gasped the Count, “From the… the…”

    “From the steak, Sir?”

    The Count looked at Wilson, his eyes wide with horror. “Steak?!” he cried, “You gave me a steak?!”

    A sudden guttural coughing then grabbed the waiters’ attention. The Baron was clutching his throat, spluttering and choking desperately. A small object was hemmed up and onto his plate.

    It was a scale. A silver scale.

    The two guests began to convulse and writhe. Their skin turned black, and as they both gave one last wail of terror, they exploded in a shower of dust.

    No one spoke. The three waiters gawked in shock at the messy scene. Then the silence was broken by Frazer hitting the table.

    “Curse them!” he yelled, “Damned dine-and-dashers getting more tricky day by day!”

  15. Faustini Avatar

    Magnum Opus
    by Spawn of Faust

    “HEUREKA!. My Magnum Opus is complete! It is done and never will be undone!” Squeel filled with joy permeated the slowly going morning at the Academy.

    And yet, only answers that the Academician could hope for, were unarticulated groans of hungover students and murmurs from the colleagues that still waited for the caffeine to kick in.

    I entered the room that belonged to the source of noise. “Hey Joe. What got you so fired up, that you had to announce it to everybody, before,” I took a look at my watch, “nine a.m.? I hope that you at least broke the universe.” I said as I leaned into the doorframe and slowly stirred my coffee.

    Joe turned his head away from the gizmo that stood on his desk and looked me into the eyes with the manic gleam on his face.

    “Morning, Randy, you can bet your ass that I did. You know about all of that pollution, that we get from keeping cities in the air, using the steam engines, right?”

    I slowly nodded my head to let him know that I knew, what he was talking about.

    “With this thing here, there is no more need for that. I did it, I solved it all.” Joe said while maniacally pointing at the rotating machine at his table.

    I wanted to take a look at the machine but something stopped me. Something more powerful than my curiosity.

    My sense for the unseen was of the scale as I felt the whole world shatter.

    “Hold yourself!” I screamed, throwing away a cup of unfinished coffee as I grabbed hold of the doorframe.

    As quickly as the magical shwabank came it faded away. Joe got himself up from underneath the table.

    From underneath the table, where his new invention rested and which metallic wheel was slowly coming to a halt.

    “Anyway, what did you say that you have done?” I asked while pointing at Joe’s, now stationary, invention.

    Tears creeped into the Joe’s’ voice:

    “But, but, but… My Magnum Opus. My perpetuum mobile.”

  16. The Silent Song
    By Vera

    The wind was softly blowing through rustling leaves, birds chirping, greeting the first light of the morning. It was peaceful and silent. Except, it wasn’t.

    In panic, Draco touched his ears, searching for the wax demanded by the law of the Silent Realm.

    “Relax” his companion said. “I sent our guide to get us breakfast. We have several hours until they return.”

    Commanded by a habit cultivated over several weeks, he looked around for his talking slate. Then he hesitated. The inhabitants of the Silent Realm are all deaf, their ears poked right after birth. The locals consider this ritual a necessity. Protection from a sound they fear. Visitors to this land are required to plug their ears, rendering them as deaf as the locals. They receive slates to write on, to allow them to still talk. While the locals have talking slates, too, they usually resort to hand gestures when talking among themselves.

    With the wax inexplicably gone from Draco’s ears, he realised that he had no need for his slate.

    “What have you done?” he asked. Did he fear of getting caught by the authorities? Or did a part of his mind fear the mysterious sound rumored to drive everyone to hear it crazy?

    “Come on, we won’t get caught”

    As if called by a jinx, the door opened to reveal their guide, a bag in his hand. He stepped to the nightstand to grab the talking slate lying there. His hand froze before reaching it, his eyes growing wide as he stared at the small pieces of wax. He looked at the two travellers assigned to his care, asking a panicked question.

    With his limited knowledge, Draco tried his best to understand him.

    “You do… no, did. What?”

    This time, his cheery companion didn’t make a joke. Draco didn’t notice. He was listening. The wind was still blowing, the birds singing. There was something else, though. Something more.

    A soft sound, a song without words or melody. Without realising, Draco’s hand moved to his knife.

    After years of silence, my song will be heard once again.

  17. Skeleton Avatar

    Piercing Guilt (The Will) [CW: Allusions to Sexual Assault]
    By Skeleton

    He would have preferred being surrounded by one hundred enemies to this. He should have realized the mischievous look is Zaila’s eye when she asked him for a dance—the ever-shy girl wanting to dance at such a formal ball should have been evidence enough. Eymir had to give Zaila credit: she had always been gifted at ambushes.

    And now the white claw in his hand, the C.R.E.S.T. upon her ivory arm, the dazzling dress swaying before him, and the blue eyes that bore down on his cornered form all terrified him.

    “Is it really so terrible?” Remianna asked teasingly. “To dance with a pretty lady at an esteemed event? Or does it scare you to know most of the people in this room are actually here to kill us?”

    No. Both facts were actually quite enjoyable—save for the crippling guilt ripping open his sternum and spewing forth over their feet.

    “I haven’t seen you in two years, and you clam up as soon as you see me… It must be because you tried to kill me, right?” she pressed.

    With one step, he flinched.

    “Or was it because you forced yourself on me?” she continued.

    With another, he bit his lip hard enough to draw his accursed blood. He knew there was a chance that she had been awake, pretending to be asleep so that he could believe she hadn’t seen his shame.

    The dragoness shook her head in disapproval, but not disgust. “Do you really think it was the first time you did that to me?”

    This wrenched the wretched man’s eyes to her, shock dilating them. Unbeknownst to Eymir, Remianna’s anxiety lessened a little at his revelation.

    “You seem to forget that I knew what I was signing up for when I asked you to marry me. I knew what that thing inside you would try to do to me, and believe me; I know how to handle it. So never forget—” she swept his leg from under him and forced their dance to dip, leaning in and bringing her lips to his.

    “I’ll always love you.”

    1. This one didn’t hit as hard the second time around. That being said, however, even with the context that you gave, it still feels very much like she is in love with him in a rather twisted way. Yes, she is aware of the monster that lurks inside of Eymir, but she loves him because of that and him. Or maybe I’m just reading too much into that part. It could be that she loves him despite the monster that he is, as there is a sign of relief on her face when he has a negative reaction to what she tells him.

      I want to see more of this dynamic. Remianna is a fascinating character, and she definitely seems like she would rather be in control. Which, given what happened to her, I don’t blame her one bit.

      Kind of an unsettling read, but nothing too bad. I didn’t walk away unaffected, though. I also like the setting. Danger all around them, but Eymir fears the danger within himself the most. Also at a gala, no less. A place where fun is supposed to be had. Very nicely written piece, Skeleton. I do hope you continue this, as it reveals layer upon layer of intrigue, horror, deceit, and some of the darkest parts of the human existence. I can’t wait to see what you write next. Thank you for sharing this.

  18. Aracnarquista Avatar
    Aracnarquista

    Silver Tongue Tied, Three-Way Trip
    by Aracnarquista

    “Give me just one reason not to tear you to pieces.”

    I’m livid with anger, and I am sure he can feel it. My anger – well, the anger of all my sisters – is a terrible thing to witness. All our emotions are, I’ve been told. Even then, I don’t think it has any effect on him. He is already lost. Nothing I could do would be worse than what he did himself.

    “I have no real reason for you. Not one I’d find honest, and not one you would care about.”

    Although he is filled with despair, I can’t help but appreciate the sound of his voice. There is a melody to it that borders on the supernatural – if he wanted, he could mollify stones. The thing is that he has already given up. Still, hearing his voice makes me give him some time.

    My sisters are waiting for my move. They are eager, but they can still wait a bit longer.

    “I still want to hear it. Not your excuses. Your reason. Not for me to spare you. The reason for what you did.”

    He looks at the lyre in his hand and thinks better than singing. Perhaps, it is the only way he knows how to convey such reasoning. But he is clearly defeated. No song will be sung today.

    “I was… unsure. Anxious. Nervous. The road was long, and my faith faltered.”

    “Your faith faltered? You had escaped death’s grasp. You opened a precedent the gods themselves will have trouble dealing with. How come your faith faltered just then?”

    As soon as I hear my own words, I understand what he is not telling.

    “You didn’t lose your faith in you. You lost your faith in her. Is it right?”

    As the sun starts to set on the horizon, his eyes can’t meet mine. His silence is heavy with shame and guilt. He avoids my gaze, looking back towards the Underworld’s entrance.

    Again.

    My voice is now bestial, mad. The frenzy takes me. “Sisters, let’s send him back. All the way back to Hades.”

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      The moment when you finally found your old enemy and at gunpoint march him to his doom, while considering asking him why he did what he did. You know it won’t make much difference, but some morbid curiosity in you wants to know for the hell of it since your condemning him anyway.

      The mood is so strong that I could imagine the background around the narrator physically darkening in manner similar to in moments when Gandalf asserts himself in the Peter Jackson Middle-Earth films. I kind of wonder also whether the villain told the truth or simply made up a reason to hopefully satisfy the narrator, almost like an innocent person pleading guilty just to make the torture stop (not to imply he was innocent or anything…). I think this was all well written and that you’ve done a fantastic job.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot. And I guess this darkening effect is incredibly on point with the scene I had in mind – the story I took as inspiration made me think the sun setting was symbolic enough, though I’ve seen from the comments that some people got what I was referencing, some don’t. And I love seeing how the story is interpreted when the reference is not caught.

        So, in my own interpretation, it would be very difficult for a gun to be involved (a little bit too early in history for guns to factor in), but I liked this image now. That first sentence was supposed to be taken in a very, very literal way. But the whole exchange in a more modern setting would be interesting as well – I might consider going this route in another story in the future.

        Thanks a lot for the feedback!

    2. Holy cow.

      I have an idea of what happened.

      This dude and his beloved, who I assume was the main character’s sister, were escaping from the underworld. And somewhere along the way he went mad and killed her because he felt in danger or felt that she betrayed a cause.

      I wonder if it was an affect of being in the underworld that he went mad and killed her. Did Hades get his revenge through forcing the guy into a hallucination?

      Was there a much bigger plot going on that I’m not aware of?

      What did HE do?!

      Anyways, good read. Have like. Be good. Live long.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Well, as I answered Lee before, I really love to see the different interpretations that sprung out of the story. I have a very clear thing I’m referencing here, but I love seeing how other possibilities are also hidden between the lines.

        But I will answer that question: what did he do? Well, he didn’t follow the one rule he had.

        He. Looked. Back.

        The moron looked back.

        And in doing so, he lost everything.

        Thanks a lot for the comment, the feedback, and the food for thought. Perhaps, I can retell that tale in a more mafia-like setting, with some of these ideas popping up. Might be an interesting experiment.

    3. I might be a tad biased (or rather, a lot), but oh. My. God. I love this.
      I mean, sure, it might not be your best story, the anger and hatred could have been a little more tangible, and there’s a few things I probably would have worded differently (eg: the “Is it right?” towards the ending sounds a little… weird, tbh; something like “Am I right?” or “Isn’t that right?” or “Is that it?” might sound a bit better), but still.
      Right now I adore you for writing this story. I already love Greek mythology in general, but the whole story about Orpheus and Eurydice in particular is one of my absolute favorites. Which is probably why I knew it was about that one as soon as you started hinting at him being Orpheus. And the idea of making this prompt about this? It’s magnificent.

      Really, thank you for writing and sharing this. I love it.

      1. Oooh. So that’s what happened.

        Sad. ),:

      2. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Yup. I just love Orpheus and Eurydice’s tale. And although I had to compress time a bit to use one of the maenads as one of the characters, I really liked trying to think of a particular interpretation of why the hell did he had to look back.

        And, yeah, it took me a while to thing about it, but the prompt was really great for it. You did what? Looked back. The one thing you weren’t supposed to.

        Also, thanks a lot for the suggestions on how to improve that particular phrase – it sounds a lot more natural when I’m thinking on my own language, and it was one of this times when I was unable to see how strange it sounded in English. I guess “Isn’t that right?” would really be a lot better and flow more natural.

        And thanks a lot for the comment and the feedback!

    4. Mango Gravy Avatar
      Mango Gravy

      Oh damn, is this Orpheus and Eurydice? The lyre had me suspect, and I had to read over it again just to be sure.
      The slight re-framing of Orpheus’ loss of faith is interesting. If I’m not mistaken, you made it so that he didn’t doubt that the gods had kept their word, he doubted that Eurydice wanted to come back with him.
      I really like that.

      I read the other comments and, sure enough, Daleen pointed it out. Two people can’t be wrong.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Yup, Orpheus discussing why Eurydice is not with him. The other character, the one who is the point of view character of the story, is supposed to be one of the menaeds, just before they tore him to pieces. In the context of this particular interpretation, I’d say he deserved it, and it might even be a mercy kill at this point.

        And, yeah, I wanted to put that small doubt about what is Eurydice’s decision in all that. Most stories don’t seem all that interested in her own motivations, but dying and getting back… well, that might not be the simplest of decisions to take. Even after all Orpheus had to go through. So this open a lot of questions about the two – who are the characters that I think it is most interesting to think about.

        Well, as a last comment – I wouldn’t say two can’t be wrong, since history proves time and time again that numbers can skew wildly to the side of just plain bizarre – but you got the point here. It was intended to be an Orpheus and Eurydice story. I even though of titling it “Katabasis, with a return trip” or something like that – but I was too tired to thing of a clever title, and in the end I chose not to be too clear about the intended interpretation.

        And then I choose that terrible, abysmal title. Frankly, one of the worst I used in quite the time.

        Anyway, thanks a lot for the comment and the feedback.

    5. VENJI THE VOID Avatar
      VENJI THE VOID

      I love this story and that it’s a telling of a Greek myth, I love the little changes you did to it that makes it really great
      Love it

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot. I just love this particular myth, and retelling them focusing on some particular questions seemed like the best way I could deal with the prompt – and… well, I find it amusing that the WHAT in this particular “You did WHAT?” is simply “looked back”.

        Thanks for the comment!

  19. Tamela Redfin Avatar
    Tamela Redfin

    In my Family Tree (Tales of Nora)

    By Tamela Redfin

    CW: Mentions of Assault

    I had to confront Feldspar Augen. He would never win at this rate! “I’ll see you later, Glenn.”
    “Take care, Nora.” Glenn smiled.

    I left the mushroom alcove and Glenn and entered Augen’s office. “Augen, we need to talk.”

    “Ja, we do.” He smirked. A chill ran down my spine. “I did some tests.”

    Tests? I thought, tilting my head.

    “Turns out Helen lied. Maxwell isn’t your father.”

    “I know. Mom said that she couldn’t lie to me.” I nodded. “What’s new?”

    “Ever wonder where you got your brains, Elenora? Because I know exactly where it came from.”

    “Yeah my mom. I’m still mad at you for lying to me.” I placed my hands on my hips.

    “Well time for the truth. The father you never met was me! Your mother didn’t want it, but I made her enjoy it.”

    “You motherfucker!” I shouted in horror, trying to get a nice hit on him.

    “Well, you aren’t wrong.” He winked.

    Tears of anger streamed down my face. How dare he! I know my mother didn’t like him. There was no way she could have said yes.

    “What? Not happy to be here? Elenora, I’m hurt.” He placed a hand on his heart… if he had one. “No matter! You’re mine and being so, I will.”

    “No!” I cut it, kicking him. I had to find my mom and I didn’t stop running until I was home. “Mom! Mom!”

    A disheveled Aunt Cora looked at me. “Helen, Nora’s here.”

    I explained to mom everything, from being tricked, to Glenn, and finally about Augen.

    “Wait, Augen what?” Cora shouted, furious. “That’s it! I’m ending his funding. I can’t keep enabling him. Helen, why didn’t you tell me?”

    “I was scared you’d believe him.” Mom admitted.

    “No, you’re my little sister. And that’s more important than a hot boyfriend. We need to find Grey Rose or wherever Henry is. It’s not too late to stop the madness.”

    1. I had a little trouble following what was going on here. The minimalist narration had me confused. More or less on me, not you.

      I’m guessing that Augen’s web of lies and blackmail is falling in on itself and more of his victims are banding together. Nice to see that Cora’s decided to join the rebellion.

    2. That’s a lot all at once.

      I’m not sure how much it would cost…but at this point I don’t know how Augen doesn’t have hit men after him at all times. Like, everything from street thugs to corporate assassins would be after this guy with how many people he’s screwed over, offended, and outright ruined the life of.

      Probably needs the clones with how often somebody puts several bullets into him.

  20. Yes: part 2

    By Joe

    “You did WHAT?!” shouted Foster.

    I floated downward towards my friends face, and spoke with my low nasally gamer voice, “I. Pooped. On the president.”

    “Why?!”

    “I don’t like what President Triden is doing. That’s all.”

    “And now the FBI is after you!” Foster grabbed his head. “Oh my god! I’m an accomplice to the fecal assault of our Commander and Chief!”

    “Worth it.”

    There was a loud slam on the door.

    BANG. BANG. BANG. “FBI!!! OPEN UP!!!”

    The door flew off its hinges landing in front of us. Bright lights blinded us and the loud gunfire deafened us. I stood heroically between Foster and the bullets that threatened to end him. I fell to the ground. Foster screaming in my ears. It hurt so I told him, “Stop it!”

    He looked at me surprised. “You’re…fine?!”

    I looked down at myself. There wasn’t a scratch on me. “Oh, hey. Would you look at that. I’m fine.”

    Apparently, I could absorb bullets unlike a regular mortal body would. So I sprang up and cried out. “Okay you dastardly brown-nosers. This is for your discriminatory acts! For MLK!”

    I absorbed the screaming members of the FBI while I stared blankly into the wall, because it was taking a bit for all of them to stop moving. Once they were properly absorbed, I saw everything they knew.

    “OH GOD!”

    “What? What the hell?!” yelled my perturbed Foster.

    “They…they…they…They made plans to replace an entire loaf of bread with the end pieces! THE MONSTERS!”

    Foster sat confused. “What?”

    “All of these guys are psycopaths! One of them puts the milk in first! Another just eats the cookie parts of oreos! Then there’s this ASSHOLE who puts toilet paper on wrong!”

    “Why is that a concern? There’s no wrong way…”

    I grabbed Foster by his blasphemous collar. “Yes. There. Is.”

    “Okay! Sorry!”

    I released him.

    Foster then spoke again. “So, uh, is the pooping a bird power too?”

    “What? No! Pooping is already a human function dude!”

    “Well, good to know. Just don’t go pooping on our car.”

    “That’s racist.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Being completely honest, you had quite the challenge in making a sequel for the infamous president pooping incident tale. And I don’t think it is any shame saying this one is not as great as the original (how could it be, really?). Still, it is quite funny.

      So, I think I have no choice but to make sort of a comparison between both tales. The original had a very strong and direct ramp of absurdity and hilarity, which helped a lot in the build up and deliver of comedic timing. This one couldn’t have the same structure to the jokes, so I feel the timing of them was a bit looser. Some landed perfectly, some not so much. Overall, it was still quite funny. But I can’t say there was anything funnier than the phrase “I’m an accomplice to the fecal assault of our Commander and Chief!” Maybe it was even a bit too funny for the beginning of the tale – I’d try to make a way of leaving it for the ending.

      Commenting comedy is hard as hell. Anyway, it was funny, there was some wonkiness with the flow (expected, since the density of jokes per second of reading is quite high), and it has to deal with the inevitable comparison with the original.

      Great anyway.

      And I see what you did there with the president name. Hate the guy(s).

      All that is left now is to click the like button (in a more sanitary way than our hero does, I guess).

      1. Most definitely! I think I got a little too excited in writing this that it affected the story.

        I threw in cheap jokes in the end, like that whole paragraph of petty arguments and personal preferences. It seems out of place. Not to mention I rushed it because it seems like the earlier you are in posting, the more likely you are to attain more likes.

        The loaf of bread joke was definitely out of the blue, and made it seem like it was going to be relevant to the plot or a future sequel. It probably could’ve landed if I wrote it like one of the FBI agents was pulling a prank on somebody, or increase the absurdity as an actual evil plot the Government would pull.

        Plus, even though the self narration was a thing in the first part, the dialogue is what described the scene. Here it feels a bit awkward and self-centered in a way that it was cringey. At least to me. Also it wouldn’t hurt to give the main character a name so it won’t sound that way in future descriptions if need be.

        All of these reasons took up too much of the word count I could’ve used to either add something new and interesting to a bigger plot, or take time to write original hilarious and absurd dialogue to ramp it up instead relying on cheap internet debacles as a replacement.

        I agree with your placement of the fecal assault joke. I could’ve left Foster dejected and afraid while the main character is overjoyed for some reason.

        Or…

        Maybe I just shouldn’t write sequels. :/
        Leave it a one hit wonder instead of milking a dead cow.

        BUT ANYWAY!!! I’m glad it could still make somebody laugh.

        I thank you for the read.

    2. Lol I adore this story. And I remember the first one, so when I realized it was a sequel I echoed the title. That said, I do agree with the comment that the star of the show here is the “fecal assault” line. Literally had to stop reading because I laughed so hard at that. So I do wish it was closer to the end, but this story is so chaotic that it didn’t dull my enjoyment.

      And yes. Yes there is a way to put the toilet paper on wrong. That said, I will allow for pouring the milk first if it’s the last bit of milk and you need that right amount of milk and cereal.

      That is unless you’re on the other side of the pond and you’re talking about tea and not cereal. That’s it’s own thing. But I’d assume not because of the FBI and “Triden” references.

      1. Milk before coffee. 😈

    3. Oh that was great. I’m sorry I missed the first part, this one is hilarious in all the right ways.

      1. If you ever want to read the first part, go back to the prompt called “Wait, you can do that?”

        Thanks for the read! I’m glad you enjoyed it.

  21. J. J. Peterson Avatar
    J. J. Peterson

    The Smoking Gun
    J. J. Peterson

    Trembling, I lower the smoking gun. The alley is dark and silent now that the flash of light and explosion of sound have died away. I quickly look left and right, then, grabbing the body by both shoulders, I drag it behind some trash cans. His briefcase has fallen open on the pavement in a pool of blood, and the contents have spilled out. Amid knots of dirty laundry and drugs, are a wad of hundred dollar bills.

    I look through the briefcase to make sure there is nothing else of value there, then I pocket the bills and toss the briefcase, now blood soaked, in the trash. I exit the alley and start heading to the other side of town. As I walk, the proceeding events start to flood my thoughts.

    Smoke drifts in front of my face, and in vain I try to wave it away. Ron has ordered us never to kill anyone, after all, murders bring the police, but never has one man carried so much money. Must have been drug money, but anyways, I don’t think Ron will be happy.

    This infernal smoke is watering my eyes and confusing my thoughts. I can hear Ron’s exclamations of, “What did you do?!” when he hears of my deed, echoing with the wimpers of my victim in my head. They bounce around inside my skull, each pass growing louder. Soon, they reverberate like gunshots.

    Finally, half blind and with a blazing headache I arrive at Ron’s place. I slip in quietly and find him at the kitchen table. A couple of other gang members are there as well. I hand him his gun, and his cut of the money silently, warry. He sees a bullet missing, and doesn’t blink an eye.

    “I trust you took care of business?”

    “Of course…”

    “Make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

    I exit, as unnoticed as I arrived. It turns out I didn’t have to be worried about Ron’s disappointment, but now that he’s given the okay, all I can think is, “What did I do?”

    1. It’s called murder, mate.

      I have to wonder why the smoke happened. Was it related to the headache? Or was it related to the murder?

      I’ve had that kind of headache, though. Not pleasant. Was your protagonist cured or were they allowed out whilst still suffering a blinding headache.

      1. J. J. Peterson Avatar
        J. J. Peterson

        The smoke was originally from the gunshot, but as he walked to Ron’s place, he was haunted by the murder and the smoke that won’t go away represents that. I didn’t think far enough ahead about the headache, interesting question though.

  22. Peter Q.A Avatar

    Through the Window
    By Peter Q.A

    “You did what . . .?”

    This echoed inside me.

    ‘I didn’t know, okay. I was . . . lost. Everyone is. If you think about it. Lost, I mean.’

    I sat up. I ran my hands over my face, shaking the exhaustion off of it. I look at the red digits of my clock: 02:48 AM. It’s still pretty early. I sigh, then scratch my chin.

    ‘Cold.’

    I got up. I walk towards the window, grabbing my lighter off the table. I paused. Looking around, I can’t seem to find my sticks.

    ‘Mental note. Buy death sticks later.’

    Holding the lighter, I glance out of the window. It’s quiet down there. I see some movement amidst the darkness of the city.

    ‘Ants. Small. Insignificant.’

    I snorted. I slammed my fist into the window. It didn’t give.

    ‘I’m weak.’

    I toss the lighter at the far off wall. It made little to no sound. I let myself slide down to the floor. My eyes sting for a moment. My cheeks flush. Wetness streaks down towards my chin.

    ‘It’s gonna be okay. It’s okay. I’m fine.’

    I sniff. I wipe my face again. I tilt my head back, I open my eyes, and I exhale deeply. I hit the back of my head on the window pane. It hurts.

    I slowly stand. Nodding. Reassuring myself. That it’s all going to be fine. I put my hands on my waist and looked at the window again. It’s cracked. I shake my head.

    ‘I’m going to get through this.’

    I smile and laugh a bit. I breathe heavily. I turn around and walk away from the window, just a few steps, not too far.

    . . . go. . .

    I stopped.

    ‘Was that a voice?’

    . . . go through. . .

    I look around. No one. I try to speak; I open my mouth, but another voice comes out.

    “Go through the window, please.”

    And with that, I run towards the window. Leaped into it, face first.

    Now all I can think about is, ‘What did I do?’

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      This feels like a prelude to a suicide but I’m not sure if that’s what it is. The atmosphere is palpable in this one and it’s great.

      Excellent use of present tense. It makes the reader feel caught up in the moment and we have to live in it without the relief of knowing if it’s already occurred or not. It is a wonderful tension that isn’t utilized enough and you did it excellently.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I love the confusion with time. At least in my mind, the first three lines are more “present time” than all the other narration, until the very final line. Book ends, the character is reliving the last few moments which brought them here. Ominous, despairingly ominous. And even more heavy on a second reading.

      I love the entire tone of it. The atmosphere of it is very oppresive. The way the character tries to do something, to deal with themselves, always without managing to do so. The flat descriptions, the short sentences. The whole emotional tone of the piece is really well built, and I can almost feel how the window can present itself as a way out.

      And how the realization could come just a moment too late.

      Yup, lost is the word.

      And that tale is a great way of conveying it.

  23. The Nonafollimomentodragon (Frontier Universe)
    By Alex Nightingale (aka Spectre)

    Lily sat in her semi-darkened room, admiring the construct before her. If she had to describe it, she’d call it some kind of nine-sided apple with wings, made of bronze and the complex interplay of light and shadow. One of her shadowy tendrils uncoiled from her back, scratching that hard-to-reach place between her shoulders, while her hands were busy enabling her to eat.

    The door opened, sending in a wave of light. Lily squinted, as a figure in a long duster walked in.

    “Hey, Adrian,” she greeted her cousin.

    “Lily,” he greeted her back. “I was in the area and just wanted to check up on you.”

    “You’ve come at just the right time. Look at what I made.”

    Adrian followed Lily’s outstretched hand.

    “I’ve made a Nonafollimomentodragon,” she explained.

    “A… what now?”

    “I’ll explain, when I figure out what it is myself. Don’t pick it up with your hands or telekinetically. It… might stop being a Nonafollimomentodragon, if you do.”

    “You mean, it’ll break?”

    Lily just shrugged.

    Adrian walked up close to the structure, but kept his hands in his pockets. He examined it from all sides, trying to come up with an explanation for what he was looking at.

    “Is this… some kind of pineapple bird?”

    Lily shrugged again.

    “How did you make this?” Adrian asked.

    “A mouse told me.”

    “Wait… really?”

    “No, idiot,” Lily chuckled. “I sculpted it, obviously.”

    Adrian joined in Lily’s chuckle and went back to the pineapple bird, which from behind looked more like an open, sideways maw.

    “Locke came by earlier,” Lily said, tearing Adrian out of his reverie.

    “Did he now? What did he want?”

    “Just the usual. And asked about the Nonafollimomentodragon.”

    Adrian fell silent. Lily cocked her head to one side, studying him.

    “Locke troubles you?” she asked.

    “A little… I’m not sure about him.”

    “I am. He’s a man who sees a problem and tries to fix it the only way he knows how.”

    “Did you just explain Locke in one sentence?”

    “We do what we can,” Lily grinned.

    She was glad Adrian had come. She’d missed her cousin.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I’m not sure I got all the nuance I imagine there is in the story, but I really enjoyed it. The whole thing about something that is probably at least a little bit non-describable, and it not being all that big of a deal, was an interesting place to take the tale. The way there is a comparison with a person at the end (way too complex, and at the same time so easily describable) makes me wonder a lot… about things. Descriptions. People. And maybe of nonafollimomentodragons. If a plural for such a thing is even a thing.

      Very comforting tale. Feels like a cup of hot tea in a lazy rainy day.

    2. I want two things. I want to know how to pronounce Nonafollimomentodragon… and what one IS.

      After that, I might also WANT a Nonafollimomentodragon.

      I kind of imagine a dragon figure made of cobwebs? Something very delicate, at the very minimum, since it can’t be touched or manipulated.

      Am I close?

  24. WriterOfThought Avatar
    WriterOfThought

    Testing Nerves
    WriterOfThought

    I had never done something like this before. Clutching the paper in my hands, I walked into the house, each step of the porch feeling like a mountain with how many nerves were firing off in my legs. The doorknob even tried to freeze my fingers despite the early September warmth.

    Thoughts furled in my head. All the times I had been called a failure, every time I was told I would amount to nothing, every time the voice in my head told me I had no future, so why even try to have one. Even the times I almost gave in to that voice rushed back to my mind. But I overcame those hurdles, and had the scars to prove it.

    The paper I held on my hand had even tried to add to those scars, but paper cuts were nothing in comparison to what it said. The power held on that page was more than enough to break through all those years of falling behind the curve, even if I had started on top when I began. This was proof that I didn’t have to stay at the bottom.

    I walked into the kitchen. Dad was brooding over his fifth cup of coffee, judging by how much was left in the coffee pot on the counter, and Mom was washing some vegetables while listening to the news. I laid the paper on the table, right in front of Dad. He glanced at it, and his face turned up to look me in the eyes.

    “When did you-” but I was too excited to let him finish.

    “I did it,” I said. “I got the scholarship.” It took everything in me to not jump for joy right then and there.

    Mom turned down the television. Dad stood up, walked around the table, and placed his hand on my shoulder.

    “I’m proud of you, son,” he said.

    And all the voices that said I couldn’t do it melted away.

    1. J. J. Peterson Avatar
      J. J. Peterson

      Wow, great story! I really like the build up to the ending. I found the build up ominous as I was reading, and the ending was quite a pleasant surprise. The first paragraph feels a bit off to me though. It’s written in first person, so you would think the main character, who just received a scholarship, would be ecstatic and light as a feather. Not weighed down where each step is a mountain and the door knob frozen against movement. Maybe I’m misinterpreting though, especially as I have never received a scholarship myself. Well done.

      1. WriterOfThought Avatar
        WriterOfThought

        I wasn’t necessarily going for a universal feeling, as a lot of people are ecstatic at receiving scholarships.

        But if something has convinced you that you’re worthless, I’ve experienced in the past that initially your mind rejects that positivity, which is what I was going for. The good news is that usually it’s all in your head.

    2. Iosef Paramonov Avatar
      Iosef Paramonov

      A really nice and wholesome way to take the prompt. It’s always fun when writers take prompts in unexpected directions.

      It’s also interesting that you gave the prompt a realistic edge too. I love fantasy and sci-fi, but an engaging story can take many forms.

      You wrote up the nervousness and excitement of the protagonist really well. And you put a nice twist at the end which made my day. Thank you!

    3. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I love how the character is still not realizing what he managed to accomplished, and all the scene is like a preparation to be scolded. He needed to proclaim to his parents that he managed it – that’s what made it real, that’s when he realized. That was really powerful… and knowing a lot of people with self-esteem issues, well, that narration was very spot on on places.

      Also, really good to see how you could take that prompt and made a beautiful story that could make one feel all fuzzy inside. Not something I was expecting with this prompt, but I’m very, very pleasantly surprised. Great tale!

      1. WriterOfThought Avatar
        WriterOfThought

        My usual way to go about prompts is to do something that no one else could, and get a reaction that one wouldn’t normally expect, so I appreciate that

  25. Not authorized.

    by Galer

    “so, Amelia what was the thing you made in the lab?” Tomas Torres a resident soul was interrogating her after the incident that happened in one of the laboratories in Sheol “because went I was running the only thing I remember was screaming, screeching sounds, and everyone freaking out”

    They stayed in silence for a second however for Amelia it was agonizingly long this extended to one minute until Torres said with impatience leaking through his voice “no seriously I am asking what did you do?”

    Her cheeks flushed with crimson color and so were her wings behind her, putting her hands on her face and curling her tail around her leg she mumbled “…. ”

    “Can you say it higher?” The soul asked ” look I know you feel ashamed and they can potentially kick us out, depending on what you did…just tell me what happened and we can be done with the day”

    “I may have done an unauthorized genetic, magitech experiment with radiation creating a living portal to another dimension,” The mad devil woman said with a forced smile” luckily Dany is harmless, although I think the gravity anomalies and the sensation of tasting space-time in your tongue cant be good for you”

    Torres just looked at her as if she has grown a second head “You did What?!”

    “I meant it wasnt at all like the time I made a Clone of that bear trap crocodile primordial goddess,” Amalia said weakly defending Herself” you can not blame me for that, Manuella mostly ate livestock!”

    “That is that! this is this! How the fuck do you manage to do that!” Torres freaked out ” also radiation? where did you get uranium? we don’t even have that here we are genetic labs for crying out loud!”

    “Well I synthesized it…in my house, I have protective gear ok? I am mad, not suicidal!” Amalia said as if this was normal

    “God give me strength,” Torres said, he was dead already, but he felt he was going to die a second time, because of her shenanigans.

  26. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    Shiloh (Life of Madness)
    by Lee Strangely

    In that cold room the eyes weighed heavy upon him as he hid behind his notecards. It was currently Shiloh’s turn to deliver his report to the class, who were obliged to watch. The walls were plastered with colorful posters that had no purpose to the students (hostages) forced to be there, except to annoy them.

    “L-l-little was known about,” Shiloh stammered, “about his life up until then. The gunslinger was only known as Grint, by the locals… He…”

    In a fleeting moment of courage, he looked up at his audience. Some classmates hardly paid attention, others didn’t at all. He wasn’t looking at them. Unlike everyone else, he had one more audience member. In the back, the gentleman’s ethereal blue glow and rugged attire stuck out considerably. In front of the window, the sun’s rays burned through his thoroughly perforated chest. Even with the silver dollars over his eyes, Shiloh knew he was looking at him, the only person to notice him.

    “Shiloh?” the old teacher asked.

    “S-sorry,” he looked at his notecards, then to the man in the back, “He… He was brutally gunned down in Telluride after being hunted down by the corrupt sheriff-”

    “Shiloh?” the teacher interrupted, “Did you do any research?”

    Light giggles fluttered around the classroom.

    “Yes I…”

    “Then where’d you get this from? If you bothered reading your textbook, it says that Grint was wanted for killing a deputy and died in a fire.”

    “He didn’t…”

    The teacher grew more irritated, “There are confirmed firsthand accounts that state…”

    “They’re wrong!”

    “And how would you know that?” the old teacher snapped.

    The air was empty as Shiloh glanced at the gentleman again before looking to the floor.

    “Well?” the teacher asked.

    Shiloh mumbled, “He t-…”

    “What?”

    “He told me!”

    Most of the class started snickering before the teacher bellowed out, “Quiet!”

    An enthusiastic girl from the back raised her hand, “What was he like? How did he look?”

    “Maddy don’t encourage him,” he scowled, “Shiloh, go to the office.”

    Tearful, Shiloh left.

    The gentleman tipped his hat as he faded into the walls.

    1. Hehehe. Getting testimony from the source has to be a “You did what?” moment. I feel sorry for Shiloh. Knowing the truth and being told it’s wrong. That has to suck.

      Having been on that side of things, and having been scoffed at by people who don’t respect the sources, I sympathise entirely.

      I’m with Maddy. Ask the SMART questions that COULD have been verified by other historical sources. Instead of the teacher just being like “Ding dong, you are wrong,” the whole time.

    2. Iosef Paramonov Avatar
      Iosef Paramonov

      Don’t know why, but the theme from A Fistful of Dollars started playing in my head as I read the last line. I can almost hear the ghost of old Grint say, “You did good, kid.”

      You did really well building up the atmosphere of the piece. Of course with the appearance of the mysterious figure in the audience, but also with capturing the frustration and fright of trying to tell the truth to a world that doesn’t understand. Well done!

    3. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I love the whole idea of it. and the build-up is excellent. The whole “presentation to class” can already feel very anxiety-inducing – and that’s without putting the haunting of a dead gunslinger there to see if you are right about his life. So, is Shiloh a character we will be seeing more in the Life of Madness stories? I can only imagine what a medium can bring to the table. Not that all sort of madness is lacking there,a t all – but the more the merrier!

    4. No but this is so fuckin cool. As soon as Grint was introduced I was so interested and honestly I’m really angry that this isn’t a full novel or something, I don’t know how’d it go or what it would be about, If Grint would stick by Shiloh or not but god this was such a fun read for so little actually happening.

    5. Dang. This very reminiscent of every scene in a movie that makes you mad that there was no way to prove what happened yet. It’s a maddening scene because you want everyone to be proven wrong in the best way, and the main character dropping the ball once or twice just ripens the ending for when justice is had. It’s a moment that spur doubt and fear of going through it again.

      But you gotta give it the kid. Despite suffering horrid embarrassment he fought for what was right anyways, which is a good mark of a hero.

      And what better scene to start off with than presenting to the entire class who bully you for no reason and now have a reason.

      This was very good! Now take my LIKE!!!

    6. Norman Gray Avatar
      Norman Gray

      Hmmm, I didn’t know I wanted a story about ghost cowboys/outlaws until reading this. There’s definitely some fun and interesting territory to explore there.

      Part of me wishes Shiloh refused to be excused, and kept talking about Grint until they forced him to stop. I wanted Shiloh to stand up for himself more, and for Grint’s story to be told. . .

      But I guess this just leaves room for the story to be expanded upon. Would be interesting if Shiloh started being haunted by the dead sheriff as well. . . They could have a high-noon ghost showdown!

  27. Something Out of an Opera (Chatterboxes III)
    By Taja DaLeen

    “You did what?!”

    “Uh, well…”

    “God damn you, Paul! If I could strangle you right now, I would!”

    “I… am sorry?”

    “How the hell did you even make it?!”

    “I… honestly have no idea? I just felt inspired, and suddenly it started to speak to me.”

    “… so. Let me get this straight. You made a statue of one of our seven High Demon Lords that somehow ended up enchanted without you doing anything? But now Mamona can speak to you through that thing? What the hell? Also, now we got kidnapped by some weird cult that obviously worships her, somehow heard about that statue existing, and now they want it.”

    “… yes?”

    “Oh, great! So, how about we just, I don’t know, give it to them?! So they’ll let us go, I don’t have to explain to Sara where I’ve been for freaking days, and everyone’s happy. Sounds good?”

    “No. Can’t do that. Even if I’m sorry about Sara…”

    “What?! What do you mean you can’t? It’s just a statue! Geez, better pray that it takes a while ’til I’m untied, or I will friggin’ kill you!”

    “But, Mamona herself said so… sorry…”

    “Wonderful! Just awesome! So, the High Demon Lord of Metal herself doesn’t want her statue to fall into the hands of those lunatics? Did she perchance say why?”

    “Uh, I think she mentioned something about the boss of that cult being head over heels for her? Not too sure, but if I remember correctly, she said he was a creep, and stalking her…”

    “… you’re not serious, are you? So, you mean to tell me that we’re tied up here, in the clutches of a Mamona cult with a batshit insane leader, because of something that sounds like the plot of a really bad soap opera?”

    “Erm, yes? Apparently?”

    “… I wanna sue whoever wrote this. Frick my life.”

    1. VENJI THE VOID Avatar
      VENJI THE VOID

      This was a fun read xD I loved the comedy a d characters ,also is it me or is Mamona inspired by Mamon one of the 7 prince’s of hell and the Lord of greed
      But this was a good story ,great job

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I’ll be incredibly honest – I found the paragraph where the “what” of “you did what?” a little bit too “as you know…”, and I can’t shake the feeling that it could be better handled with some of the information was sprinkled through the whole thing – or if there was a bit more of a try from Paul to interrupt and try to excuse himself. That way, it would make even more sense for the one accusing to keep pressing the charges. That being said, I’m well aware that probably the word limit wouldn’t allow for this route, at least not without sacrificing something else. And the way I see it, there is really no room for what to cut.

      Anyway, I really liked how I got somewhat taken by surprise by the real punchline in the final line of the tale. I was just conceding that “yup, that’s funny” for the whole soap opera plot thing, but the lampshade hanging at the end was one of the few times I really think lampshade hanging worked. And that was quite funny.

      (hoping the character don’t sue you, though. fictional characters can be a bit unhinged in court, things could get messy)

      And I know I have already commented that before in another tale, but it is very hard for me to read Mamona and not imagine castor oil plant seeds. This time, though, that was really not a problem – it even heightens the comedic tone of it all.

      Delightful read.

      1. Mango Gravy Avatar
        Mango Gravy

        I just learned what lampshade hanging is.

    3. If you make a statue of demons, you’re in the hobby of scuplting. If the statue starts talking to you, you’re in trouble. I will say, I liked the back and forth between the two characters and the absence of dialogue cues actually made it more fun to me, since I was able to just enjoy the conversation.

      The piece itself was a really fun read and the way they talk about demon lords and cult kidnappings in such a matter-of-fact way makes me think they are somewhat accustomed to it. The jaded tone, coupled with the fun back and forth made this a really enjoyable read for me.

      Well done!

    4. Mango Gravy Avatar
      Mango Gravy

      Very fun read. Talking statue. A cult formed around an unwilling demigod. A humble sculptor and his friend getting spontaneously flung into the crossfire. Hilarious, absurd situation, and having the character turn to look at the reader and basically say “the heck is this shit?” was a hilarious capstone to it all.

      Wonderful. Me likey.

  28. And Then He Starts Monologuing
    By Marx (Overly Familiar: Apocalypse #4)

    “W… what do you mean you killed Bob?” Shayna asked, watching Matt in horror as he continued to look up, seemingly lost in thought.

    “I’m not sure of a clearer way to put it. Summoned my scythe. Cut off his head. He be dead.”

    Shayna’s face contorted into a blend of confusion and betrayal. “Did he… attack you?”

    “Nah, he was mid-monologue. For the creator of all existence, he really loved the sound of his own voice.”

    Shayna took a deep breath. “Matt… why did you kill him?”

    “It’s what I was always fated to do.”

    “You’re Death’s horseman. You’re fated to destroy all of everything. Don’t you think killing the creator of our universe is an irreversible step in that direction?”

    “Exactly,” Matt answered, before pausing as he realized Shayna was in the process of pointing her crossbow at him. He turned his black and white gaze towards her as the weapon faded to nothing. “Easy now… Death decreed that anyone who attempts to kill me will face her wrath. Attempt is the key word here. Take a seat.”

    “I knew it…” Shayna grumbled, her eyes welling up as she begrudgingly sat down. “I fucking knew it. As soon as I saw those freaky Death eyes, I knew you’d snapped. This was too much power, even for you…”

    Matt smiled warmly despite the attempted attack. “Shayna, hear me out.”

    “Dude… you killed GOD! No matter what stupid name he wanted to go by, that’s what you did!”

    “Fair point,” Matt began with a chuckle. “But here’s the thing. I’m not crazy.”

    “As all sane people have to say…”

    Matt continued to smile. “I just… see things clearly now. Everything I did to stop the apocalypse only lead us closer to it. Even when I stepped back and did nothing.”

    “So, you’re giving up,” Shayna sobbed. “You’re just gonna kill us all and be done with it?”

    “Not quite,” Matt’s eyes glowed ominously. “You see… I can’t stop the apocalypse. I never could. But now I get to choose what form it takes. And therein… lies a loophole.”

    1. Ooh, ominous! I can’t wait to see what form the loophole takes; the idea of mitigating, instead of preventing, the apocalypse, is always an interesting place to take a story and one that’s criminally underused in my opinion. Though… killing off the capital G God seems to close most of the loopholes I could think of off the top of my head, so I hope Matt is more creative than me.

      1. Well… look at it this way. It’s like Bob forms the inherent structure of the universe because he created it. It’s his dream. Without him there, it all becomes more chaotic and easier to reshape. Assuming you know how to take advantage of it.

    2. Wow! Now instead of doing God’s will, he gets to do his own. He is Death’s Horseman, so he could kill everybody with anything that could kill. He could set off every natural disaster. Send an asteroid to the planet. Nuclear holocaust. Make the Deathnote. Use a Spirit Bomb. Cause everybody to suffer a massive hallucination and kill themselves and/or each other.

      Cause another Big Bang so all will start anew for a reason?

      What is the loophole?!

      1. Lol that’s the question isn’t it? Well it all comes down to what you define as “death” and what you define as an “apocalypse”. There are loopholes if you know how to twist the definitions.

    3. Oh… Curious. I thought Bob kind of dipped on reality. Is this an alternate timeline? A time loop of sorts?

      Why Shayna? Is everybody else too down with the plan?

      I do kinda like the idea of “I can’t change what I have to do, but now I can do it however I want.”

      1. He dipped on reality in the sense of giving someone control of your failing company and going on an extended vacation to watch it all burn down on the news. Though technically speaking, all Bob meant by that was he wouldn’t work against whatever Matt wanted to do.

        As for Shayna, yeah, she’s not his familiar, so she’s familiar enough with him that she can see the difference since he got the black and white eyes, but her respect for him doesn’t go into full blown worship, so she’ll actually call him on his shit. I thought she’d have the best, “Dude, you just killed God, that’s not cool.” reaction.

        That said, anytime I go far enough into the future that the apocalypse is actually happening, then its technically an alternate future, which is why its labeled as a numbered apocalypse. That way no one actually knows how the apocalypse will go and I can test out all my possible ideas for it. Win/win!

    4. I absolutely love that you are not afraid to go dark, Marx! I believe your stories would be less resplendent if you chose a lighter, more wholesome path with them. The fact that God’s name is Bob in this universe is sending me. Having Matt kill him so easily and just simply accept it is sending me harder.

      Shayna seemed incredibly attached to Bob, which is fair. I haven’t seen her in any of your stories in quite a while, although, I haven’t been reading too many of your stories lately.

      It’s always a bold move to have the protagonist go down the road of an antagonist, but I love the way you subverted in having matte exploit a loophole. I am quite curious as to what form of the Apocalypse is going to take.

      Despite having Matt as the front runner for so many of your stories and the overall story in general, he is still largely a mystery in my opinion. He is simply this guy who was trying to live the best life he possibly can at his core, but all of this death and destruction is on his shoulders. There are people who need him but can also be hurt by him, so I do appreciate that he stays incredibly optimistic without it feeling stale or bogged down or cheap. I do remember you explaining that he has to keep his emotions and check otherwise he could destroy the entire universe. Still, though great character.

      Man, I am always excited and intrigued by your stories. You write such complicated and intricate webs of not only plot, but also people and little details. Excellent work. I look forward to seeing what you share next. Thank you so much for writing this one.

  29. VENJI THE VOID Avatar
    VENJI THE VOID

    Knocked out
    By Venji .A

    I take a sip of coffee before speaking.

    ” Now we’re in some hot waters, we have broken some law’s with the Keter mobs and now that might start a war” I say looking at my father and brother Jack.

    “Yeah especially the Golden Dawn’s, those maniacs are out for blood” my brother says 

    I turn and look at my father asking “Any plane’s?” He looks at me with a relaxed face

    “We are now at equal footing, since we have Daved with the fruit’s power’s and all of use being considered national weapon or above in power”

    He then uses magic to create a window showing a man outside our building ” so our best bet is to sort things out with them”

    I look with a surprised face “You invited one here!” My brother yells out in shock.

    ” Calm, Jack” I say in a low but firm tone “we can at least talk to them and see to fix our relations with them” I say.

    “Alright I stay calm but pops tell us when you do this type of thing”

    Father looks at him with a grin ” Sorry kid ,I just forget” as he cockles 

    Jack then grins ” Yeah I’m not prepared to put on the charm”

    “You charm? A shit throwing monkey has more charm than you” I say mocking him and laughing

    The Door to the room then opened and Daved comes in, he look exited with blood on his hand “Oi guys I had some  fun today”

    ” really ,why so” father asked

    “Cuz this spoiled bastard was insulting me and so I went up to him and I punched the bastard square in the face” he punches his hand in a show ” I knocked the fool out cold and teeth and blood when flying everywhere

    We all laughed at his story and Jack asked “where did this happen?” 

    “Outside the building, he was waiting there for some reason ” 

    I kept laughing until I realised what he said “Wait, you DID WHAT!”.

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      This is a very fun story but I would watch your verb tenses. You keep switching from present to past tense and it affects the readability slightly.

      I enjoy the setting and the use of slang. The action is very well done.

      I’d just keep an eye on your tenses and maybe do a re read for punctuation.

    2. Jacob Guillerey Avatar
      Jacob Guillerey

      Much better, still a few grammar mistakes here and there.
      The banter is better, the punch out at the end is reeeeaaaaallly good this time around.
      As mentionned in the other comment, watch out for verb tenses. But if you comb this one out, I do believe it would be one of the better ones I read for this prompt ^^

      1. Jacob Guillerey Avatar
        Jacob Guillerey

        And no I am not biased at all by the fact that I helped a bit with it xD

        1. VENJI THE VOID Avatar
          VENJI THE VOID

          Suree;)

    3. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      The punchline to this tale is very good. But I need to say I’m not at all sure I understood all that is going on. I think it might have some intentional play with occultist terms peppered here and there and mixed with the more colloquial lingo about mobs and the other slangs. I imagine this is a reality where magic is not only real, but common enough that occultist groups have their own version of the criminal underworld, and we are dealing here with something like a magical turf war.

      Very interesting premise. I’d say the tale could use another review to solve some small issues with verb tenses and spelling mistakes, so that it would flow better – but the whole idea is quite solid, and the comedic timing of that ending landed very well.

      1. VENJI THE VOID Avatar
        VENJI THE VOID

        Thanks for the comment I’m happy you enjoyed it
        And you are pretty close to the actual setting. The setting takes place on Earth but they’re are secret organisation that are like mafias that control evrything that happens in the world and they keep magic and many other things a secret to the public

  30. Never, in the Field of Nation’s Conflict (A Devil’s Tale)
    C. M. Weller

    Fifty thousand troops lined up on the battlefield, just as the note threatened. The commander had chosen a place far from the floodplain south of Rauchle, where they could have been washed away by the collected waters of the canals. In that, alone, he was smart.

    Sending a ransom note and demand of surrender to a student of the Way of Shadows, however, was a mistake.

    Kosh held the rally banner, and checked the Barons by his side. Pleased to see a very nervous Tansie shaking in his shining armour. All of Tansie’s very PRETTY and ceremonial soldiers were also nervously present on the field. Now that he had his wall, he had no excuses.

    Even with his troops, Whitekeep was ludicrously outnumbered.

    “Welcome to war, Tansie,” he said. “It’s what you’ve been howling for for years. Why aren’t you happy?” He knew the answer. It was because any man loved war when he didn’t have to fight in it.

    His armour had been stretched, recently. “Merely anxious for the fates of my men, my lord.”

    “This will be quick,” said Kosh, and spurred his horse into the middle of the field. Projected his voice to carry across the neat lines of soldiers. “Where is your leader?” he called. “Let him face me, leader to leader, so that no other blood be spilled!” It was an old formality of battle, but once issued, the challenge had to be met.

    It could not be met, and Kosh knew it. Because he and Spitebane had infiltrated the Llarkh encampment with the help of Cordelia’s druidic powers and… DEALT with the chief problem. And also rescued Spitebane’s fiancee while they were there. It would have been very romantic, except it was also their introduction.

    The commander could not appear, and Kosh trotted away with the rally banner of Llarkh’s impressive army. His by a technicality, though he would offer them a choice.

    Tansie was boggling at him. “What in the name of the gods…?”

    “It turns out I AM a cheating Teufel,” said Kosh.

    1. Watching someone cheat the opposition in such a way is probably as satisfying as it must be frustrating to be on the receiving end. That being said, I do enjoy a good, clever scheme, especially when someone manages to outfox an entire army. I wonder, whether Kosh holding the banner means that he technically won the battle.

      I also like the note of nuance you’ve injected into this piece, in the form of Tansie and his warriors. It’s true that a lot of ceremonial warriors may not have much experience on the battlefield and the line about any man loving war, until they have to fight in it was really interesting to me. It’s true that many people glorify war, without knowing what it can do to someone.

      Great story!

      1. Kosh being able to take the banner is more or less counting coup and a bit of grandstanding… but it does mean he won the battle by a technicality. Their leader wasn’t there to defend it, so… he got it all.

        There’s a longer process that didn’t fit, and it involves Kosh trotting his horse up and down the front lines a certain number of times and then straight-up TAKING the rally banner.

        As for Tansie the Chicken-hawk… look no further than the chicken-hawks in recent politics who howled for war but dodged the draft back when there was one. Finding himself on a battlefield had to be a very alarming shock.

    2. J. J. Peterson Avatar
      J. J. Peterson

      Great Story! I enjoyed the beginning, how the threat was set out and contrasted with itself. The smart part of the threat… and the stupid part of it. I also loved your characterization of Tansie. You constructed him quite well within a handful of words and he is what made the story for me. I’m not sure I entirely understand the plot, but nonetheless, good job!

      1. Glad you enjoyed it

    3. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      Ahhh! Loved it. Loved the lines “Welcome to war” and the ending line. 🙂

      1. My boi Kosh knows what’s up.

    4. Heh.
      “Fair fight? What is a ‘fair fight’ … So you don’t want to assure your victory?” -Master Splinter

      I mean, he solved the problem with only one-ish casualty. So I’d say, cheating or not, he made the best play.

      1. I never crossed the path of that quote before, but I rather like it.

  31. A Painful Lesson (World of Shadows)

    By Thunder

    Sturgus knew something was wrong as soon as he pushed the door open and found his daughter quietly eating porridge at the table. The exhaustion left his body as he dropped the scythe next to the door. “Tia?” he asked as gently as he could manage.

    “Hello, Papa,” she answered without meeting his eyes.

    “Have a good day?”

    “I did.”

    Sturgus narrowed his eyes. “Did you bring home anymore ‘pets’?”

    Tia pushed the bowl away and slid from her stool, heading toward her corner of the cramped house. Sturgus caught her by the arm first. “Tia?”

    “I didn’t!” she complained.

    “Did you bring a new animal back to the village?” Sturgus demanded, tightening his grip a little more than intended. Tia still didn’t meet his eye.

    “Where is it?” Sturgus growled.

    “…Barn,” Tia admitted.

    Sturgus nodded, relaxing his grip slightly, pulling Tia with him as he headed for the door, pausing only to collect his spear from next to the scythe.

    Minutes later, Tia sullenly waited behind her father as he conversed with the rest of the village’s militia before the great stone barn built on the edge of the village. The few that bothered to acknowledge her did so only to glare or make the sign of the Eye at her.

    March Fisher finally arrived, his battered armor rattling as he hefted the mace of his office. “Sturgus,” he greeted after forcing his way through the crowd. “What is it this time?”

    “She wouldn’t say,” Sturgus grumbled, forcing Tia to stand in front of him. She shrank away from the Guardian as he glared down at her.

    “I don’t know,” she complained. March just grunted and ordered the militia to form a line. Tia held back, unwilling to watch another of her friends be killed but more unwilling to leave her father.

    The doors slid open, and March gave a single curse before being engulfed. A jiggling wall of near-liquid rolled over him completely, the militiamen shouting and scrambling back as the slime exited the barn.

    Tia could only stare in disbelief; it hadn’t been so big before.

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      This would almost be sad if it wasn’t implied that this has happened before (and possibly multiple times). “Call the army honey! The kids adopted another eldritch horror!” I love this. Where did Tia find it? Why did she bring it? How did she bring it? How do the soldiers feel about getting called to yet another monster brought home by a small child? It raises so many questions and it’s so funny. Great job!

      1. Thank you! I tried to balance a few different emotions with this one. I imagine the local forest is chock full of creatures of varying lethality which, like most innocent children, Tia just can’t help but grow attached to. I’m hoping to explore how a childhood full of such incidents would affect a small village.

    2. Why am I getting _Trouble With Tribbles_ vibes from Tia’s new “pet”?

      Given the hostile nature of her guardians, I’m kind of wondering who I should cheer for?

      There’s whole books written about parenting that covers how the hostility here just sets up a cycle of similar incidents with varying impacts. If Sturgus or March explained why Tia should not bring random animals home, instead of merely getting angry about it, it might have gone better for everyone.

      1. I did not catch the Star Trek comparisons, that’s a good one!
        (And accurate since she locked it up with the village’s food supply.)
        The adults did come off as harsh but, it’s a harsh world (and after the umpteenth dangerous predator gets loose, I imagine anyone would lose patience with even a child.)

    3. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      As a person who used to “adopt” every stray I came across, I totally love this. Very cute, the early stages of what will surely be a beast tamer in the future.

      I can picture it so easily, the imagery is immaculate. Very excellently written.

    4. I swear kids have the coolest yet most dangerous friendships with the supernatural.

      How did this kid manage to tame a slime? It must’ve started with a light snack.

      But regardless I can see how people are fed up with the kids antics, but they could’ve taken the time to learn about the creatures she brings home. Who knows what they could learn?

      Plus the epic adventure that could spur from this could be epic. She brings home creatures no one else ever could. What kind of land are they frim? What enemies are out to tame these beasts for their conquest?

      The ideas are flowing!

    5. Lol! This story is amazing and I’m so down for seeing more of Tia’s antics. I think what makes this work so well is how the town reacts. You set up that this is something that’s happened before and that clearly the ‘friends’ she brings home are always dangerous. But there’s still that question for the reader if they’re overacting and it’s going to end up being a cute, little puppy or something… and then giant slime wrecks everyone, proving their worries true.

      The only thing I really question is if Tia knows from experience that if she brings home a pet, everyone will instantly kill it then… why bring it home?

      But that’s just nitpicking. This was an amazing take on the prompt! Well done!

    6. This is sweet intermitted with horrific and a dash of funny on top, Thunder. I will admit that I got worried and upset at the dad for how he treated her. I understand he’s tired and she’s always bringing these pets home, but coercion through gripping her arm is never a good way to go about handling a child. Unfortunately, she’s quite used to it, given how she doesn’t flinch.

      I’m assuming she is an only child, and she wants a friend. Nothing wrong with that. I’m curious about the world that they live in. The animal she brings home is incredibly strange, and the way her father and the militia men respond to it says this is a regular occurrence.

      The expressions of everyone as well as that one guy getting eaten and how Tia is surprised with how big it is left me in stitches. It also gives off The Blob vibes, and I respect it.

      Overall, a very intriguing read. I’m very glad you didn’t go as dark as some other entries. We need the levity. I have got to get into reading more of your stories because they’re always impressive and fun and excellently written. I can’t wait to see what you write next time. Thank you for sharing this.

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