Writing Group: Wait, You Can Do That?

Hello, Bewildered Onlookers and Blown Minds!

We expect life to be straightforward, more or less. We get into our habits when WHAM! Someone flips the script. All new possibilities are open to you! I think it’s time we explored those possibilities, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Wait, You Can Do That?

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

When we grow up, we see one world, one point of view: our own. As we gain friends, are assigned groups for projects or get to know coworkers, we begin to hear different ideas. We think to ourselves, “why didn’t I think of that?” Little by little, our point of view grows. We learn about more and more prospects available to us. In turn, we grow as people. We have moments when we ask it and moments it is asked of us. It constantly questions our morals and our beliefs, and we are better for engaging with it.

Take, for example, that one kid your parents didn’t like you hanging out with after school. Maybe they led you to a place you weren’t allowed to go, or they took something they shouldn’t have taken. You ask the question either to yourself or to them. Depending on the answer you came to or got, maybe you didn’t go or maybe you took that thing. That action and its consequences shape people into who they become, what they do, and what they question. It changes lives for good or ill.

Likewise, this question can be used to ask permission. Imagine a scared child approaching a strict parent or a new employee asking something of their new employer on their first day. How relieving it is to have permission, but perhaps some doubt stirs in their chest. They ask the question and either their fears are confirmed or their relief is justified. We are either freed or trapped. We are either shunned or accepted. It’s all because we asked that question.

Maybe the question is used to ascertain ability. You don’t know if Bill in the next cubicle can whistle. You don’t know if Daniel can code in Java. You don’t know if Myrtle can make a mean bowl of eggnog. You never will unless you ask the question. When you have the answer, it can be a linking of spirit, an instant friendship. It can be a repulsion. It can even call from the recesses of your mind a fear that human beings rarely experience.

There are many people that can be asked. There are many ways to ask the question. There are many ways to respond to the answer.

Will you bind lives together or pull them apart with just an inquiry? Will you bring joy, sadness, or something else?

It all starts with one simple question. Go ahead; ask it.

—Pearce

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least four stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and two of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Use two paragraph breaks between each paragraph so that they have a proper space between them (press “enter” or “return” twice).
    6. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
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  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new; no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
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    5. Be constructive and uplifting. These submissions are not for a professional market, and shouldn’t be treated as such. We do this, first and foremost, for the joy of the craft. Help other writers to feel like their work is valuable, and be considerate and gentle with critique when you offer it. Authors who leave particularly abrasive or disheartening remarks on this post will be disqualified from selection for readings.
    6. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
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Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

143 responses to “Writing Group: Wait, You Can Do That?”

  1. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
    Arith_Winterfell

    “A Surprising Act of Kindness” (Arith the Necromancer Universe)

    By: Arith_Winterfell

    I was just a boy when I encountered the man that I would later learn was Arith the Necromancer. At the time, the chance encounter in the forest frightened and confused me. I had just tripped and fallen into a thorn bush and had badly cut up my arms and legs as I had thrashed about in pain.

    After I had crawled out of the thorn bush finally, I saw him approach me. He stood there dressed in black robes, a figure with intense eyes. His beard was dark, short, but full. His face bearing only the faint wrinkles of a man in his middle age. He looked very much like the stories I’d heard about necromancers. Yet, his expression was one of concern as he looked upon me. I reflexively recoiled as he approached, backing away until my back was to a tree.

    Still, he advanced on me, looming over me, as I cowered there, bloody and scared. He reached out, and I felt for sure he was going to kill me with a touch and make me into some walking dead thing. I shut my eyes in fear.

    I felt his hand upon my arm. It felt soft and a feeling of coolness flowed from his hand into my arm. I could hear whispers. So many voices whispering, but I couldn’t hear what they said. The voices stopped, and he withdrew his hand. The pain from my cuts had stopped. I slowly opened my eyes, looking at myself. The cuts were gone. He had touched me with his terrible hands, yet I was healed. I stood there confused, staring at the face of the man. His face was one of compassion.

    He stepped away from me, giving me space, and I breathed out not having realized I had been holding my breath for all this time. Realizing he had backed away, I bolted for my village. I never looked back. I never thanked him.

    1. I always wonder about scenes like this where the “scary’ person never explains. All I can think is they’re going, “ha, this’ll be funny,” in their heads.

      Alternately, it’s a slow, drawn out moment to the “victim” but it’s really just a quick extending of the hand and a boop to get the job done. Took like two seconds.

      All that aside, I like the idea that this is being told years later and that Arith has become some widely known figure, perhaps a hero or just a legendary figure wandering the world.

  2. MacBoiZen Avatar
    MacBoiZen

    Blessings of the Philosopher (Alchemy’s Kin)
    By MacBoiZen

    “I’ll give you this,” Fleur Bellerose said, flourishing her polearm in one hand. “You put up a better fight than I expected.”

    Phoenix extinguished his flaming blade with a swift motion of his fingers. Calais clapped him on the back while Sayaka sat a few yards away from the grassy enclosure, wondering how beating each other up was supposed to help them improve. Fleur had said that in order to stop Vesper, they needed to learn how to fight ‘properly’, but…she wasn’t quite sure what that meant.

    “I’m not incompetent,” Pheonix said, brushing off Calais’ show of camaraderie. “Hell, I reckon if I can take you on, taking on Vesper should be a breeze”

    “That was the easy part.” Fleur responded. “I said you fight well, but in your current position, she’ll make mincemeat out of you, tout de suite.”

    Phoenix’s brow furrowed. “You beat her before, right?”

    “Barely, yes.”

    “Ok, so even though she got stronger, if I’m keeping pace with the Elemental who beat her in that state, why should she be that big of a challenge?”

    “Phoenix, y-you don’t…” Sayaka started, but Fleur raised a hand to quiet her.

    “Spar with me again and I’ll show you,” she said, readying her weapon. Calais floated out of the enclosure as Phoenix’s blade ignited once more. A moment’s silence ensued as the two combatants assumed their places.

    “Ready…” Calais shouted. “GO!”

    Sayaka only had time to register her friend taking a lunge forward before a flash of color blinded her. When her eyes re-adjusted, the first thing she noticed was that the fiery longsword had been lodged in one of the fence posts. The second was the sharp tip of the polearm centimeters away from the throat of a vine-bound Phoenix.

    The third were the eyes of the victor.

    They did not shine forest green as usual, but rather a bright, strong, intimidating gold.

    “Do you see now?”

    “An Alchemical Blessing!” Sayaka gasped.

    “Ho…ly…shit…” Calais said, furiously rubbing his eyes.

    1. That was a lot of characters to keep track of at the start, and I dont know if they were really nessecary for this.

      The scene was excellent however. Even before all the talk of defeating anyone, it was clear his “victory” was more like completing an objective in Training Mode. The Ego on this man. And I like her just demonstrating, “you dont actually know what a real fight will be like”. It seems like the sort of thing that in a lot of stories would lead to him sneaking off to do … Something. But hopefully he’ll take this humbling and work harder, and not feel hopeless.

  3. Dirtdiggler Avatar
    Dirtdiggler

    Threshold by Dirtdiggler

    Jordan Bell stood at the edge of the curb, the five inches between his sneaker and the black asphalt seemed to nauseatingly stretch. This was the farthest he had ever been from home. His mother had told him on his fifth birthday, almost five birthdays ago, never to go beyond Zee’s Convenience Corner Store. She had said it in passing and never thought about it afterwards. Mrs. Bell considered herself a lenient parent, but to Jordan her words still held the power of an unbreakable command.

    When his friends would go beyond to the undiscovered world of arcades and condemned apartments he would meekly teeter on the edge of the curb before being abandoned and consoling himself with Zee’s candy fish. But Jordan was almost ten whole years old, and by a generous rounding that made him practically a grown up, certainly old enough to cross a busy intersection by himself.

    He had never asked why he wasn’t allowed to cross this street, why couldn’t it be a street just a few blocks ahead? Wasn’t it so dumb that he couldn’t just go to the arcade like a normal kid? Jordan asked himself these questions as he stood at the curb, looking down at his feet, not crossing the street. Not that he was afraid, of course he wasn’t. It’s just that this was an important moment, one that had to be built up to, like inching step by step into a cold lake. He looked towards the street now and it was clear that there would be no inching across this time. Long convertibles and looming vans sped past, forcing Jordan him to hold his ball cap on his head to prevent it from being blown off from the displaced air.

    Jordan saw a gap between tone oncoming car and the one behind it and got into a sprinting position. He waited for his moment..3 he held his breath..2 closed his eyes..1! Jordan ran as fast as he could, for nine agonized seconds his lungs burned, his feet pounded the asphalt, horns blared and tires screeched, until he tripped on the opposite curb, skinned his knee and started crying for his mother.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Well, it seems like Jordan can cross the threshold. But there are still consequences to it.

      I really like when a short story manages to condense the feelings and thoughts of a pivotal moment and takes its weight from it. Specially when its pivotal moment may be seem as a very banal thing to an outsider viewer. There is a power in these stories in making us consider a very different and yet very probable perspective as radically diverse from our own, and empathize with it.

      I’d say your story did just that, and that’s amazing. Great work there!

    2. I have conflicting feelings about this. But the two most prominent thoughts are, “if he doesn’t know to wait for traffic to stop maybe he shouldn’t be crossing this street agter all,” and, “He’s lucky he didn’t land on his face.”

      Honestly this whole thing makes me curious about the context. Cause the actual crossing males it sound like a highway. But the narrative makes it sound no sifferent from any other street he’s, presumedly, allowed to cross.

  4. Child’s play
    By Pumpkin

    They call him the accountant because he pulls the biggest profits out of all the demons in hell.
    Tempting souls is their business and the accountant ’employee of the millennium’.
    Then five feet behind this legendary figure, two young demons follow him down peaceful streets, cloaked inside a shield of non-detection.

    “Are you sure he can’t hear us?” the first asks the other.

    “Yes, I’m sure so stop being so twitchy” the second retorts with a punch to the shoulder.

    The first one rubs the spot “I’m not twitchy, I’m careful, imagine what this guy can do to us if he finds out”

    The second waves the concerns away “The accountant wouldn’t hurt us. We’re low-ranking pond sludge, he has people for that sort of thing.”

    The first swallows hard “You’re joking, right? You really think he has an army of demons beneath him just like the legends say?”

    “I heard it was humans, a giant network sprawling the globe, a true pyramid of schemes.”

    The first one huffs “Good one, surely you can’t trust humans to do a demon’s job?”

    “Can’t trust demons to give up their bounty either.” the second retorts.

    “Point”

    There’s a pattern to the movements of the accountant.
    He seems to be following a string of signs.
    Signs that say ‘primary school’.

    “He must be cheating, there’s no other way. No one can tempt two hundred souls in a day.” The first one concludes.

    “Maybe he steals them from other demons?”

    “We would have heard that right? I bet he fudges the numbers, he’s an accountant after all.”

    The sound of little brats running and shouting dooms up from the schoolyard.
    The second one halts, pulls the first one back and says “This is it, pay attention now.”

    “Oh my satan, oh my satan.” The first one squeals.

    The accountant shrinks. His body mimicking that of a child. He manifests a small, rickety stall usually reserved for mediocre lemonade. However, on this sign, it says something different entirely. “A candy bar for your soul.” And all the children flock towards it with a cheer.

    1. Very fun. I find it hard to believe that even in only a millennium that no other demon tried to tempt children.

      Or was it just how blatant he was about it?

      It’ll be fascinating to see how they make use of this info. Especially since it seems like this is too easy to find out. And there are only so many schools to keep getting 200 souls a day.

      1. Oh yeah the whole thing falls apart super hard if you start applying logic to it ^^ If I were a demon I’d just make an addicting piece of software and add a “give me your soul upon death” clause in the EULA no one reads ^^

        I considered that and it’s more effective…but way less funny.

        This is actually based on a real story, one of my friends pulled this in primary school (handing out snickers in exchange for a slip of paper saying ‘my soul’ on it) and told me about it right before the prompt dropped so I thought “excellent” and built the rest of the story around that occurence ^^

  5. The Next Generation (Chronicles of The Dragon)
    By Makokam

    Kimiko stopped before entering the club. She wasn’t supposed to be out, but she wouldn’t be good at her job if she couldn’t sneak out. Still, best to make sure no one was following her.

    Inside, the band was getting ready and people were moving towards the stage. He, however, was clearly trying to be unobtrusive, but no matter how deep he pushed into the corner, he was still the tallest person in the room. And he’d need to grow his hair out a bit more if he wanted to hide his western eyes.

    He wasn’t hiding himself like a stalking predator though, simply as someone not wanting to be noticed. It brought back memories of last night, where he insisted he didn’t want to fight them, despite them doing their best to end him. At least at first.

    She walked up and asked him, in English, “What are you doing here?” Her English wasn’t great, but it was far better than his Japanese.

    He looked at her and lifted a glass. “Trying to relax.” He gestured at the stage. “Listening to music.” He squinted at her. “Are you following me?”

    “I’m here for the music.”

    He nodded. “Enjoy.” And took another sip.

    “Why are you in Japan?”

    He looked at her and after a moment answered. “People at home were getting very angry with me.”

    “People are very angry with you here.”

    “Well. I didn’t know that.”

    “You killed my predecessor.”

    “It was an accident.”

    “The Head Priestess wants you dead.”

    He finished his drink. “Is that why your team attacked me last night?”

    “Yes.” She turned towards the band as they started playing. “You didn’t want to fight.”

    “I had no reason to.”

    She started to bounce to the music. “They think you are evil and must be destroyed.”

    “So what are you going to do?”

    “I’ll tell my team we won’t fight you.” She turned and gave him a smoldering look. “Unless you give us reason.”

    “You can do that?”

    She turned back to the band. “She controls the temple. I control the combat team.”

    1. Very nice prompt drop. And also excellent punchline.

      IS the dude evil? Who knows? He seems very at home with being hated and under a threat of death though.

      Also what’s stopping the Head Priestess from hiring a different team of assassins?

      1. Is HE evil? Corrupted? Well, honestly that’s kind of the point of his story.

        Kimiko is part of the Temple, not a hired hitter. Though the idea of the Head Priestess outsourcing is a possibility I could play with.

        But this is mostly a case of, “We were sent to eliminate a threat but I found no threat, so we will not eliminate it.”

    2. Lol I love angry wrecking shit Jonathan but I do also really love ‘Please just leave me be’ chill Jonathan. And the idea of him just chilling in a club to drink and enjoy the music only to get confronted just figures. I also love the idea that a team tried to fight him and he probably had to half-heartedly take them down so he could leave in peace.

      It’s a cool little snippet of time, all in all. Especially with Kimiko dancing with the music while shes talking to him. That was a really funny visual to me for some reason. She is very wise to leave him be if he isn’t actively provoking anyone though.

      Not sure how things will work out for her when all is said and done, but here’s hoping.

      1. One thing I like is the idea that as the years go by, Jonathan gets really good at “kids gloves”-ing people trying to take him down.

        Now that I think about it, for years I’ve had an idea where somebody tries to fight him on top of a train and Jonathan sees immediately the guy has never tried fighting on a moving object and turns it into a lesson. That could have been a good story for this… Nah.

        And part of Kimiko’s whole character is that she’s a bit of a rebel who likes punk and metal music, so I tried to show that with her sneaking out to a show and the music taking priority…while also showing her faith that Jonathan was not a threat.

    3. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      Very good use of the prompt in this one. I didn’t even notice it was there, I just read it as part of the conversation. The story as a whole is well done. I’m not sure why, but I seemed to assume the “He” mentioned in the story was Johnathan (the Dragon), but I’m not one hundred percent sure of course. The story also had well laid out tension, the tension of threats, but also the tension just between the two characters dancing about what they should be doing, fighting or no.

      The story played very naturally, and it was an interesting change of location from your other stories. All in all, well written and well done. 🙂

      1. Thank you! I realized later I coukd have made it way more subtle with something like “won’t you get in trouble?” Or something. So I’m really glad that worked for you.

        The he is absolutely Jonathan, you read that correctly.

        This is a part of his story that I haven’t had a chance to explore yet, and this seemed like a good chance. So I also wanted to try and give a good base for Kimilo’s character, since I hope we’ll be seeing more of her. That’s why I set this at the club, specified she snuck out to attend, and had her dancing to show where her priorities were tonight and that she didn’t consider Jonathan a threat.

  6. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
    Matthew R. Wright

    Dream-Gifters
    By Matthew R. Wright

    Nights: long and filled with unpleasant stillness and silence. When I were young, I suffered through them. “The Long Nothings” my older-brother Warren used to call them. We both struggled. Being-made to lay in the dark and do-nothing; felt like torture. That was, until the night Warren came home after sleeping-over at a friend’s. That night, everything changed. That night, we became Dream-Gifters.

    Most-nights, my brother and I’d lay on our bunk-beds and wait in silence for sleep. Sometimes, we’d hear dad downstairs watching a movie and we’d listen-along. Sometimes we’d talk, quiet enough for mum not to hear us; anything to pass the time into unconsciousness.

    The night that Warren came back from Corey’s, he vibrated with excitement, and literally ran to our room when the time came. He really wanted to share his experience with me. Older brothers can be great like that, mostly; Warren was 80/20 a great brother.

    He shared that Corey struggled too, hated the dark and the stillness. But! he had a secret tool. He was “gifted dreams.”

    See, Corey didn’t have a dad to listen-in on, just him and his mum. And night-time was lonely. “Give me a dream.” he’d ask her. His mum then gave him that thing you read on the back of book, what’s it called? A blurb.

    His mum-‘d spin a tale of pirates finding chests full of ancient-maps, or adventures across distant-stars. Corey-‘d then focus in-bed on the blurb. A distraction. The darkness was now just a step before the blurb’d begin. Like when the lights go out at the movies. He’d focus and Boom! He was out. He’d sleep and be gifted that dream, apparently.

    It sounded unbelievable.

    “Did it work? Can people do that?” I asked Warren.

    “Yes, want to try it?”

    Course I did. Over the next few-nights, Warren and I shared ideas for blurbs and dreams. Tales of adventure, of daring, of screams. It took a few tries, but one-night it actually, properly worked.

    We had fixed the nights. No-more stillness and silence, no-more long nothings. Now it was bunk-beds and blurbs.

    1. Cool

      1. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
        Matthew R. Wright

        Thank you. Glad you liked the story

    2. That’s such an adorable idea .>

      I love the tone in the sense that this is clearly a child telling the story, lines like “Warran was 80/20 a great brother” and “But! he has a secret tool” give it a playful vibe that’s very youthful and cute.
      I liked it less in the line “His mum-‘d spin a tale-Corey-d then focus etc” Just because it sounded different that the first part to me and I wondered if the voice changed. It didn’t I believe but it still pulled me out of the story because I wanted to go and check.
      That’s mostly a pet peeve though ^^ excellently crafted and a very wholesome take on the prompt.

      Keep up the good work ^^

  7. DaLeen Avatar
    DaLeen

    What…?
    By Taja DaLeen

    “Wait, what the hell? Really? How the… why? This doesn’t make any sense. Does it make sense? … hey, George. Talking to you here. Does it make sense to you?”

    “You do realize that while I may keep you company, I hardly care about all this.”

    “But… but! You’re always so fussy about illogical stuff, this just has to bug you! Doesn’t it?”

    “No. I do not care. And please, stop all that flailing. I would appreciate you not hurting yourself. Or me.”

    “But I’m pissed! You should be able to tell! And this wasn’t mentioned once, not even the tiniest hint that she can do that! This ruins everything!”

    “If this indeed does ruin ‘everything’ for you, that is what you call a ‘you problem’. Now please, if there is nothing important to discuss, I would like to rest while the sun is in this position.”

    “But, aren’t you supposed to be my friend, family even? Something like a familiar, or what’s it called? Shouldn’t you care?”

    “Oh please, do not pout like that. Also, while yes, I am your spirit protector, that is what I am called as I already told you countless times, I do not have to care about such trivial things. I am to help you with real problems, concerning the real world. Information about different kinds of magic and the like.”

    “But! This is a problem to me! Sure, it’s got nothing to do with the Other World, but still! It’s real to me! Her pulling that stunt just… ruins it! Everything! How are the others supposed to react?”

    “I fail to see how this matters. It does not concern me, at the end of the day I am a cat after all, and it also should not concern you. At least not this much. It is simply one of your strange TV shows.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That was incredibly funny. I love how we are tossed into the mindset of the first person to talk (which I’m envisioning as a magical girl), and get to worry with that unrevealed-revelation that seems to change everything… and it is a silly thing in a TV show. But we do obsess over this small things, don’t we?

      This was quite simple, but quite effective. I love it.

    2. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
      Matthew R. Wright

      This is very funny, I know people that freak out like this over shows and films, and it’s hilarious to watch them perform their ‘rant’ in front of others. This is well-written and the punchline is great, very enjoyable to read. Would love to know what show it is that they are watching. Great work.

    3. As I read this all I could think was “Why is this second person being such an unhelpful downer?” and I was kinda fatigued by that tone of “I don’t care, why do you care, stop caring”
      Then the tv-show line came and I was like “Yeah, ok now I get it.” XD
      If I didn’t read the last line I’d probably still feel “meh” about this and I almost skipped over it entirely ^^;
      but then I did read it and I’m glad I did becaus that makes the story go from mildly exhausting to “okay that’s really funny.”
      It retroactively makes the sun-line make more sense at well because cats.
      I would have likes a bit more of that actually ^^ because to me it felt a bit repetitive at the start.
      The pay off is definitely funny though, an excellent twist.

      Keep up the good work ^^

  8. The Rebellion
    By Lenss

    Keep your head down

    Crack!

    Don’t look up

    Crack!

    Don’t ask questions.

    This was the mantra I lived by for the past century.

    Up at the crack of dawn, and work ‘till my blackened ivory hide was steaming from the sun’s merciless gaze. Also, I need to keep my head down.

    I don’t want their fiery chains to whip my back again.

    I was minding my own business, hefting a massive boulder upon my shoulders, when he appeared at my side.

    He was tall, like me. His rubbery skin was rough, like mine. And his head was held high, unlike mine.

    I nearly dropped the weight upon my shoulders.

    Before I could chastise him, he leaned down and spoke.

    “Haven’t you had enough?”

    “Put your head down. We must keep the peace.”

    “Brother, we mistake quiet for peace. We mistake barely surviving ‘till the next day as peace. We mistake blind obedience for peace.”

    I roughly set down the boulder.

    “You think I wanted this life for myself? For my family?”

    I growled and he put a hand on my shoulder.

    “Nor I. I wish to return to the days when our people were free to ride the sands once more.”

    I took a moment to calm myself.

    “What can be done?”

    “We must rise. We must free ourselves.”

    I scoffed.

    “If it were that easy, we would have done so ages ago. You have a plan, yes?”

    He chuckled.

    “We simply walk away.”

    I stopped, incredulous.

    “We can do that? Won’t that anger the guards?”

    He smirked sharply.

    “Why do we care? Together, we have little to fear from their whips and chains. They can’t stop us brother, it’s why they sought to imprison our minds.”

    “So, we walk?

    “We walk.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This is so simple, and yet so effective. I love the moment where both characters are compared and paralled – both were tall, alike, their skin was also alike… their demeanor, though, weren’t alike. That was great. And then the whole discussion reminded me a lot about two very deep and classical philosophical texts on servitude (La Boetie’s and Spinoza’s), and that s high praise in my books.

      That was a great story, and beautifully told.

      1. Lenss Avatar
        Lenss

        Thank you very much for your comment! I didn’t know about the two philosophical texts you mentioned but I’m glad I was able to make a good short reading experience and I’m really glad you enjoyed as well.

    2. Oh that’s powerful, that last line legit gave me goosebumps well done!
      I like the parallels drawn between the characters, I like the “we mistake quiet for peace” line as well as “They can’t stop us brother, it’s why they sought to imprison out minds”

      I wonder at how this would play out in real life? I think this person might have to convince more people to walk away as well in order to get away unscathed but as a message and a story it’s wonderfully told.

      Keep up the good work ^^

      1. Lenss Avatar
        Lenss

        Thank you for your comment! I was mostly drawing ideas from various historical moments of when the people of a corrupt state or government have simply had enough and walked away from what their jobs, or their positions at government which really froze a lot of essential operations that left those in power with little choice but to listen. Thank you again and I’m glad you enjoyed the short story.

    3. It’s always the logical answer when you have such overwhelming numbers.
      Still sucks when you’re one of the 5% fatality rate.
      Guess that’s just the dice you roll to play for the freedom of you and your people.
      Probably a good bet to make.

  9. Cromillea Avatar
    Cromillea

    Rock Star (Dawn Collection)(Repost from Private Group)
    By Cromillea

    “Hey kid, can you do whatever it is you’re doing a bit quieter? I’m trying to sleep,” the Sunrise King said, nonchalant.

    The psychic child was barging through the king’s mindscape, making a mess of his inner archives. He pried open case after case that orbited the slumbering sun. It proved to be an odd, yet effective way to conduct an interrogation.

    Streams of memories poured out from the containers and formed glowing rings around the king. The child reached into them to pull out any useful information. Unexpectedly, projections of the Sunrise King began to leap out from the streams as well.

    The father and the commander in him emerged to defend their mindscape.

    The father pulled the kid away from his meddling and began to scold him. “Young man, what do you think you are doing in a stranger’s mind? I’d like to speak to your parents about this.”

    While the father was lecturing the kid on proper investigation etiquette, the commander was thinking of a way to expel the saboteur. He had to protect his secrets and schemes. In desperation, he settled on an unsavory solution.

    “Keep the kid there, I need to secure that case!” he yelled to the father.

    The commander leapt over trunks and boxes, then he stumbled upon an abandoned instrument case labeled Rock Star. The father understood what he was attempting and shouted, “no, not him!”.

    He hesitated a moment before snapping open the guitar case. Immediately, a spirited projection of a teen aged Sunrise King emerged, singing and playing his guitar. The rock star’s song hit like a rogue comet, scattering the archives and disorienting the psychic. It filled the mindscape with a shameless song that overwrote every thought.

    The projections faded away as the Sunrise King awoke, invigorated. The song still filled his head as well as his invaders. The overstimulated psychic sat outside the king’s prison cell covering his ears, hoping that it might silence the song inside.

    The king said pleasantly surprised, “I can’t believe I used to sing like that!”

  10. MasaCur Avatar
    MasaCur

    Divine Intervention
    By MasaCur (Reposted from Private Group)

    Everything went dark. Streetlights, interior lights, even the dashboard. Ramona pulled out her phone, and the screen wouldn’t turn on.

    Just as suddenly, everything came back. Ramona glanced up at the traffic light, and saw it turned green. She advanced forward, and then slammed on the brakes immediately.as a woman dashed out into the street with a scream.

    Following on her heels was a pale man with thin, wispy hair, running on all fours. Ramona blinked. “Is he wearing…chainmail?”

    The pale man pounced upon the woman, snapping and snarling, attempting to bite at her. Ramona sighed, pulled the Glock from her glove box, and exited her car.

    “Hey, asshole! Get off her.”

    The pale man’s head snapped around. His mouth hung open, filled with jagged teeth.

    Ramona kept the hood of her car between herself and the man. She kept the handgun pointed at him.

    He bolted toward Ramona, and she fired. He hit the ground.

    Seconds later, he climbed back to his feet. There was a hole in the rusty chainmail where the bullet struck, but no blood coming from the wound. And it seemed to be getting smaller.

    He snarled a rattle growl, and advanced on Ramona again.

    He lurched toward Ramona, causing her to stumble back.

    A voice boomed from behind Ramona. “Get back, creature of darkness!”

    The pale man gave an inhuman shriek and slunk away.

    Ramona glanced behind her, and saw a redheaded man holding a crucifix. He advanced on the creature until he stood beside Ramona.

    “Thanks,” she gasped. “I’m lucky you came along when you did, Padre.”

    He smiled grimly. “I’m not sure how long I can hold him off, though.” The man looked at Ramona’s Glock, and placed his hand upon it. “Oh Lord, if it be in your plan, bless this weapon, and allow it to vanquish this beast.”

    “You think it will work?” Ramona asked.

    He nodded. “I’m holding it back with pure faith. I believe this will too.”

    The pale man screamed.

    Another shot and it evaporated in a miasma.

    Ramona gasped. “I can’t believe that worked.”

  11. Aracnarquista Avatar
    Aracnarquista

    The source of stories, or T.A.A.P. (Repost from Private Group)
    By Aracnarquista

    “Technology assisted auto plagiarism.”

    “…What? I don’t think I understand what you mean.”

    So, I explained to her.

    “You asked me where the inspirations for my novels come from. Technology assisted auto plagiarism is the answer, at least to where I got the inspiration for “For the Lack of a Candle”. After the success of “The High Priestess of Poker”, I caught a severe case of writer’s block. No idea seemed interesting enough to linger in my mind, and the ones that did… well, I wasn’t making any progress in putting them to paper. I felt empty, and a bit desperate.”

    “In dire straits, all exits seem valid. I was reminded of all those stories of great artists that allegedly achieved success through a deal with the devil, and then I searched for my own devil. A technological devil, whose prices were cheaper, but who was no less powerful nor less cunning.”

    “Have you ever worked with those very robust predictive simulations? Like the ones used to predict the weather, or model planetary formation, or those that calculate how entire ecosystems may evolve through specific actions? There are some that can do… even more than that. Imagine that someone feeds all my writings to a simulation such as this. Not just my published novels, but also my personal notes, the scraps of text on my digital data trail, the self-censored drafts that never saw the light of day… Imagine that said simulation could then try to predict my next novel, based on these inputs.”

    “Now, stop imagining, ‘cause that’s the book you have in your hands. “For the Lack of a Candle” was the output. I read what the program emulated as my writing… and then I copied it.”

    She looked at me, incredulous. “Are you even allowed to do that?”

    “Well, here’s the funny thing. Technically, plagiarism is the copy of a previous, existent work. What I’ve copied was a future, hypothetical, plausible work. So who’s to say?.”

    Maybe I had no hints on where to find inspiration to share. But at least I’ll always have stories to tell.

    1. Michkon Avatar
      Michkon

      Nice idea. Now, where can you get one of these? Asking for a friend ^^;

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Well, perhaps, so far, only in our imagination (and that’s not just a quip, but a commentary on the story as well; don’t forget the guy narrating is an author of fiction, after all). But even if we could have one of this predictive simulations, the most terrible thing is that perhaps a significant part of one’s writing wouldn’t be available as input – either that is already in the rights of his publishers, lost… and the data trail, well, that part certainly is already being collected and used, and to worse ends.

        But yeah, if that was possible (and available), I would certainly be using it, hehehe. As soon as I get the contact information of the guys working that out, I’ll share it with you, hehehe.

    2. I can definitley relate.

      Although I wouldn’t feel like an artist if a machine was doing all the work. But having a computer as a co-writer would be interesting. It may not produce the exact ideas you would like on paper, but it could bring about some ideas.

      It also feels weird to think about how a writer’s life in the future could be affected. A plagiarizing robot from the past taking their story would erase the writers’ memory of making that story. The writer could possibly spawn another, or it could completely destroy their ability to write all together without the future writer ever knowing it.

      That’s such a moral dilemma to, poetically, write off someone’s chosen destiny because you couldn’t come up with your own story to write.

      But that’s a good message to put out against plagiarism and stealing ideas that haven’t come to fruition yet.

      This was great. Take my like!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        That’s an interesting reading, though it bears questioning if there is such a thing as idea stealing. That could open a whole debate. Couldn’t the same story be written countless times, reusing the same idea but changing the execution? I’m not really sure on what merit the original piece would stand if all that could be said in its favor is that it was the original one. But that’s perhaps a discussion for another set of stories and comments…

        I’ll take the like, thank you very much, hehehehe.

    3. Noooo! It’s too early in the morning to make me think things! Lol seriously though, this asks so many questions. Like… is this plagiarism? Especially if the author wrote the program they copied from? Do they still have to do all the work of outlining possible ideas to keep the new books fresh or does the program do it for them and they technically don’t have to write at all now?

      And there’s the worrying idea that if someone used the program, they could just pretend to be the author. Technology getting to that point is as interesting as it is scary.

      Very good story though!

      …assuming you wrote it…

      Suspicions!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Gosh, you’re on to me. I was discovered!

        Well, is there a difference between the author and the simulation at that point? So even if other people get hold of it, maybe it is still the “original” author (for a certain conception of original) who is writing it after all!

        Thanks for the comment!

    4. Lenss Avatar
      Lenss

      This was a good thought experiment in the form of a short story. What you’ve proposed is an interesting concept and I actually am curious what my novel would look like. The catch is, however, I don’t have all of my thoughts written down, whether on paper or digitally. If there would be some way to extract them from my mind then that would allow me to see what my ideas, if ran through a program, would look like in story form.

      Great read and well-written.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for the comment!

        That one had its concept somewhat modeled after a previous piece of writing (a longer one, with a different tone and implications, written in another language) who delve a bit deeper on how the simulation in question would work and what were the data used as input. For this short piece, I didn’t have the luxury to spare words for that kind of discussion, but one of my first drafts had a bit more on the idea of using the collected data trail not just of the author, but of those that interacted with his work. It would be an interesting addition (how much data and how relevant does the data had to be to be useful? and where should one look for collected and compiled data, specially considering there is an increasing amount of data being captured everyday), but it would be lengthy discussion for another time. That went in a very different direction and seemed a bit out of place if the tone of this one, so I dropped it.

        Though I wonder the exact same thing! What would be produced from my texts? Perhaps there is some exercises in approximation to it… simulating what the simulation could do?

    5. Huh
      Nice concept
      I don’t even see that many moral issues with this considering the source material is all of the writer’s own making (if he took other people’s work for it I’d probably have a different opinion because then to me it automatically becomes a collaboration)
      But like…there are artists who use code as their medium, why wouldn’t writers be allowed to do the same thing?
      I don’t feel a personal need to use it because puzzling with concepts is why I write, but in case of a heavy art-block? Yeah sure go for it ^^

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for the comment!

        Well, being completely honest, I also don’t see any moral issues to the whole thing, and my main impetus in writing it was to give the thought a go – if it raises moral, technical or creative issues, then engaging with those might be interesting food for though. But, personally, I think we externalizing process and incorporating technology is what we do as humans, so it seems like a very natural progression to me.

        Anyway, I’m not all that satisfied with the execution with the piece. But I’m very glad of the discussion it prompted!

    6. Cheezesammich Avatar
      Cheezesammich

      Based on the extensive discussion you have going on in the comments, I’d say you have quite a successful story! This is probably one of the more interesting story ideas I’ve read, and it’s one that’s eerily similar to the reality that we may soon have. I also like the meta nature of this piece, in that it’s a story that touches on the struggles of writing stories. The idea of an AI that can not only write stories for you, but write it in your voice, is tempting, for sure. It seems almost Kafkaesque, and reminds me of parts of his diaries where he writes about not being able to write. Great job!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for the comment! I had just written that although I’m not all satisfied with how I executed the idea, I was very glad with the effect putting it there resulted. The discussion is being a very interesting thing to engage in.

        And yeah, the meta nature was something I really liked to emphasize. In fact, I tried to somewhat imply with the last line that maybe what is being described there is not something that happened, but just the way a writer decided to engage with a question he didn’t know how to answer: by weaving another elaborate story.

        And well, it was a story that was not easy to write, during a writer’s block, and that I had to resort to previous writing experiences to be able to go through… so the whole discussion on writing while writing is certainly there.

        Kafka sure was a visionary on how entangled things are in society, to the point where they take a life of their own and our own acts become sorta automatized. I’ll take that comparison graciously and proudly – thanks a lot!

  12. Cheezesammich Avatar
    Cheezesammich

    A God-Fearing Man
    By Cheezesammich

    They said Roginar was a god-fearing man. That’s why I was skeptical when they said he wanted to join us. As an ex-priest of the Church, his beliefs should have been in direct opposition to our band of upstarts, but he and his followers seemed more than loyal to our cause.

    It was a cause worth fighting for. For too long, humanity had been bound by the pact between the gods and the Church. For too long, we had given the gods offerings in exchange for their judgements. We wanted freedom. No more offerings and no more judgements.

    That is why we came to the meeting site on the day of the Solstice. When the gods sent their emissary, we would plead our case. The gods would have to accept that we were ready to govern ourselves.

    “You’re mistaken, child. We’re not here to talk to their emissary – we’re here to capture him.”

    What Roginar said made my ears turn hot. The heat quickly spread to my face and chest as the words sunk in, burning me from the inside.

    “”That’s – are you daft? That’s impossible!”

    That last word left my mouth louder than I expected – it echoed out across the grassy field below us. From our position on the knoll overlooking the meeting site below, I could see several of our allies look up at me. Roginar stood confidently beside me, seemingly unfazed by my outburst.

    Lowering my voice to a hiss, I continued, “Being a priest has inflated your ego, Roginar. Only a god can touch a god.”

    Roginar simply smiled in response. It was a knowing smile that chilled me to my core. As the clouds above us parted and the silvery form of the gods’ emissary came into view, the heat in my chest was slowly replaced by a cold fear. A fear, not of the god descending from above, but of the man standing next to me.

    I saw Roginar step forward, the smile on his face even wider.

    The smell of ozone filled the air as lightning danced to life on Roginar’s arms.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I really liked this one. The whole description of the situation and the build up to the scene feel very natural. There is something a bit odd in one (or perhaps even more than one) of the group not knowing Roginar’s plan, the plot wouldn’t work otherwise, so that’s a very small gripe.

      But I loved the character of the ex-priest who wants to capture an emissary of the gods. So, this pleading with the gods will turn into a hostage negotiation? Making demands seem like a better strategical position than just pleading, that’s for certain. And it makes a very interesting parallel on the idea of humans making offerings and having judgement passed over them, to them taking matters literally on their own hands and… well, let’s see how the gods judge that one.

      My only real point of contention is about the last line. It sure does give us a glimpse of what Roginar is capable off, but to my liking, we would be better off with the tale ending on the previous sentence. We wouldn’t know how we intends to make his plans come to fruition, but we would see his confidence and keep both the mystery and the threat he seems to represent.

      Either way, it was a very good story.

      1. Cheezesammich Avatar
        Cheezesammich

        Thanks for the read! And yea, you’re totally right about that last line. When I read that part of your comment, my head just about exploded, because it’s definitely something I would have done, had I thought about it.

  13. VulpesRose Avatar
    VulpesRose

    Coffee Talk
    By VulpesRose

    As Conner sipped his coffee, he noticed Will kept checking his watch. At 9:37, a young woman walked into the café, and Will smiled.

    “Someone you know?”

    Will seemed surprised to have been caught, and a bit of color crept into his cheeks. “No. Not really.” There was a pause until he added. “I’d like to though.”

    “Oh?” Conner raised an eyebrow. Will was somewhat notoriously single.

    Will was now pointedly avoiding looking in both the girl and Conner’s directions. “She’s come in a few times with friends, but usually she sits and reads. I’ve read a few of the books I’ve seen her with. She has good taste, mostly.” He paused and smiled to himself. “She seems sweet.”

    Conner took another sip of coffee as he watched the girl in question sit while waiting for her order. She had, in fact, pulled out a book, although he couldn’t make out the cover from here.

    “You know you could just go up and talk to her?”

    That got Will to look directly at him. The shock on his face slowly faded. “Oh…that honestly had not occurred to me.”

    “Do you know what she’s reading today?”

    Will finally looked over in her direction and nodded. “Hound of the Baskervilles. Looks like she’s almost done, too.”

    “Have you read that one?”

    He nodded. “Not my favorite Holmes, but decent.”

    “So, why not go over and ask how she’s liking it?”

    Will still didn’t seem entirely convinced.

    “Hey, maybe this is your one and only conversation. Maybe you’ll chat occasionally about books when you see her here. Maybe you’ll form a book club. Maybe you’ll get married and I’ll give a super embarrassing speech at your wedding about this very conversation. I don’t know. But I do know nothing happens unless you give it a shot.”

    Will looked over at the girl again, downed the rest of his coffee, and stood up. “I’m, uh, gonna go throw this away. Over there.” He pointed at the trash can. The one over by where the girl was sitting.

    Conner smiled. “Remember; no spoilers!”

    1. D’aaww. This was a cute slice of life take on the prompt.

      And how thematically poetic it was related to reading. And you can never go wrong with starting a romance at a cafe.

      The last line made me laugh, cuz I imagined Conner screaming it, causing embarrassment.

      This was an easy read. I give you like!

    2. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      A lovely scene. Something I as a reader can really relate to in terms of shyness. The conversation flows well and naturally. Conner capture the drama of the moment with his point that it may go nowhere, it may become something meaningful, but you never know if you don’t give it a shot. That is good advice for life more broadly really. So a good story there and good moral so to speak to round out the tale. Plus even the closing line about no spoilers is a nice touch too.

  14. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    Of Rats and Fathers (Life of Madness)
    (originally from Private Group)
    by Lee Strangely

    The metal chair was cold, much like the rest of the waiting room. Technically every chair she sat in across the day was cold and metal, but this one was different. The chairs outside and inside the principal’s office were the kind of chairs with that weird minimalist look, and the cushions built into them that didn’t actually cushion anything. They weren’t very comfortable, though Maddy grew quite accustomed to sitting in them.

    Next to her was another girl, with dark hair and a dark hoodie.

    “What do you think they’re talking about in there?” she asked.

    Maddy smiled, “Me.”

    They couldn’t understand everything that was being said inside, but it sounded like a very heated argument judging by the volume.

    “So why are you here?” Maddy asked.

    “Got in an argument with the P.E. teacher… You?”

    “I…”

    Briefly someone inside raised their voice, “This is different! She terrorized students with a dead rat!”

    The girl looked back at Maddy in astonishment, “Did you actually do that?”

    “No no-no-no, that’s a dramatic oversimplification… You see, it was really cool, I found a dead rat in the closet during my robotics class. I attached some wires, a battery, a transceiver. You know, just the bare bones, nothing fancy. And I was able to link it up to the remote I was working on, and MAN the movement turned out so much better than I was expecting. I sent him into the locker-room, and I had never heard screams at such high notes in my life!”

    “Those poor girls.”

    “What girls?”

    The office door then opened. Out came a man in a well-worn overcoat and a fowl mood. Maddy went pale upon his entrance. As she started to get up, he grabbed her by the hair.

    “Okay I- ow-ow-ow-ow.”

    He pulled her along until they left the building.

    “Why do you keep doing this to me?!” he hissed, “my work is important, I don’t have time to deal with your antics, every, other, DAY.”

    “Sorry…” she briefly noticed the bandage wrapped around his right hand, “Where’d you get that?”

    “Work.” he growled.

    1. Hah! What girls? Lol.

      I don’t feel bad for ’em. Every boy needs a bit of emasculation at times.

      But this was a fun read. It clearly shows she’s different by her savviness in robotics, and how she makes her own fun with it. In a slightly disturbing way. And I think this is easily explained by the little glimpse we have into her relationship with her father. He’s always busy, so she’s always getting into mischief.

      This has the potential in becoming a big quirky story with dynamic characters, like a light-hearted Disney show with dark twists along the way.

      Take my like!

    2. RamblingRook Avatar
      RamblingRook

      I love this girl! And yes some boys have a super high pitch scream *Cough cough* my brother *cough*. Ah, things really get stuck in your throat sometimes like how this is going to be stuck in my head all day! I need more! How dare you leave it off like this!

    3. That guy Avatar
      That guy

      Why does the description of the dead rat remind me of how Rick looked in that Pickle Rick episode? Any who, I loved your story. The twist of the rat actually being controlled remotely was a clever and unexpected surprise. As well her getting into trouble every other day. I would love to see what this would look like without the word count restriction.

    4. Yay! More Maddy!

      Do you have a place you collect these? I really like her antics and would like to see the bigger story ^^

      “What girls” is an excellent line

      The only thing unclear to me is who the man is Maddy terrorised, the comments imply Maddy’s dad but to me it didn’t come through in the story.

      Even so, very nice!

      Keep up the good work ^^

    5. Cheezesammich Avatar
      Cheezesammich

      Great job here. I really like the descriptiveness of the open paragraph. You’ve also got strong command of the dialogue here, using it to characterize Maddy quite effectively and to reveal events in the story in a natural way. My only nitpick would be that the injury talked about in the ending doesn’t seem to relate all that strongly to the larger story here. I assume it’s setup or payoff for the larger universe that this story is a part of, but perhaps there’s a way that you could foreshadow the injury or work it into the story beforehand somehow?

  15. A composite of confusing elements
    Written by Pluie

    Phodie and I stared down at a writhing flesh puddle. He had once been a merchant, but he had sadly been reduced to this melty, amalgamating mess wriggling mere inches from my feet. I backed away and scoffed in response to the disgusting sight, moving my hand to grip the handle of my khopesh in preparation for a mercy kill. That is until I felt tiny hands grip onto my forearm, preventing me from drawing my weapon. I looked down towards the small Phodie, but she had her attention trained on the amalgamate. Now confused, I decided to inquire “Why did you stop me? I thought your whole thing was making sure everyone was at peace. And, unless my eyes deceive me, that doesn’t exactly look peaceful” I point at the gurgling man with a grunt, sometimes I didn’t understand this girl’s logic…

    Phodie didn’t answer me until the amalgamation had stopped squirming and started reforming into his previous form, groaning and gurgling as his body eased itself together again, all while I grimaced behind my mask. “He is at peace now.” Phodie’s small voice chirped. I shot her a wide eyed glare “what??” The little Oracle turned to look up at me, tilting her head to now convey her confusion “do you remember what had happened before he collapsed Méte?” I stared at her and let out a less than patient sigh “Phodie, that was NOT just a ‘collapse’.”

    “that isn’t what I asked.”

    “how are you not-”

    “answer my question or I won’t answer yours”

    “fine.. I was going to buy us some food for our travels, you asked if he could come out of his stand, and when he did you…touched him”

    “I stopped you because that reaction was just his body adjusting to an absent soul. He is an amalgamation of reincarnations of himself, one of them was causing issues, so I removed it. ”

    Woah… too much information at once. Yet Phodie spoke as if she had seen it everyday. All I could really manage to say was “I didn’t know you could do that..”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That was very interesting. That first image really caught my attention, and it stayed hooked until the revelation… which in itself brought a lot of new questions to the forefront, which is great!

      Overall, I think it was very well written. The whole idea is interesting and the scene flows well. That being said, the organization and sentence structure in the second paragraph felt a little strange… and there was a small part where I didn’t get what you meant (“…tilting her head to now convey her confusion…”). Also, small nitpick, but all the story is told in the past tense, and in the last sentence of the first paragraph you change to present tense (though I believe that to be just a typo).

    2. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
      Matthew R. Wright

      A very strange tale, well written and in desperate need of being continued. I would love to know more about these reincarnation amalgamations, sounds like a terrifying concept ripe for expansion. Additionally, I enjoyed the relationship that the two leads have, it’s clear that they’re separate characters with their own personalities and goals. Well done 👍

  16. Magic System Avatar
    Magic System

    Old Connections
    The Magic System

    Kate turns the wheel of the crawler with one hand, the other thumping a stress ball against its metal flooring while Zakke sits in the back. He clicks a pen repeatedly. “Look, I’m just saying, Bazel’s been after us–”

    “You.”

    “Fine, after ME, for a while now. But you don’t want me dead, riiiight? And besides, with his palace blown up—from an explosion I still admire—I’m practically out of the picture!”

    The ball thumps. Kate checks the mirror to make sure they’re not being followed from the palace’s ruins and scowls at how pleased Zakke is with himself. Thump. “Well, with an explosion that even impressed YOU, mister “king of explosives”, who do you think Bazel will blame?”

    “… Oh.”

    “Yeah. So you gotta figure something out.”

    Thump.

    Click.

    With barely a glance, Kate slings the ball at the floor, hearing it bounce around the cabin before smacking the pen out of Zakke’s hand.

    “Ow.”

    Slowly turning the crawler around a corner, Kate checks the mirror again as Zakke picks up his pen and tosses back the ball. Click. “Oh really,” Kate smirks. “You’re sure you wanna give this back.” Thump.

    “You’re not—” THUMP. “Ow! C’mon, really?” Zakke gets the pen again with an overdramatic sigh, leaving the ball. “So.” Click. “What’re we gonna do?”

    “Hey, don’t lump me into your problems. YOU are the one Bazel wants.”

    Zakke groans. “Well what am I supposed to do, then?” Clickclick.

    With another backwards glance, Kate pulls into an alley they might be able to hide in. “I don’t know. Return the cash?”

    “Yeah, I can return the half million gears. But now that the palace got nuked, he’ll definitely want my head with the cash.” A pause is filled by the hum of the crawler’s engine and the clicking pen. “What?”

    “I might be able to get you a deal.”

    The pen stops. “What.”

    “Yeah. I was a cop, remember? I’ve got old connections that go pretty high up. They’re why I stopped being a cop, but I’ve still got– Ahh shit.”

    “What?”

    “We do have a tail.”

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      I really like the back-and-forth between these two. They have good chemistry. Their voices a quite distinct enough that I can pick out who’s who and feel how they interact with one another and the world This story kind of has the feel of both a cop drama and a Star Wars bounty hunter sort of story. Great job!

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      The ambience of the one is really engaging. The whole idea of two nervous people fleeing and the back and forth between them paints a very interesting picture of both them, their troubles and the world. It feels as if this is a great hook to convince someone to buy the book where their further adventures develop in.

      And it is still great as a stand alone tale. Great story!

    3. Yup yup very good, everything that used to be unclear to me in the previous draft for handled and the actions are much clearer now.
      I still love these two’s dynamic ^^ and the “riiiiight” gives me joy

      Keep up the good work ^^

  17. Michkon Avatar
    Michkon

    Magic
    By Michkon

    The chance of having an extraordinary friend is absurdly small, and it seems I was born under a lucky star.

    Monna has been my friend since I was first able to form and keep memories. Around the same time, I fell in love with her. She was born with fiery red hair and crystal blue eyes. She was taller than me up to the years of our puberty, after which I ended up being taller by a couple of inches.
    She is intelligent, athletic, good-looking, and quick-witted.

    We were in our early twenties when this story occurred. We were in her room, which was mostly empty by this point since she had moved out a while ago.

    I was sitting on the floor, my back against the bed, while she was sitting on it and looking through the window with a gloomy expression. We didn’t talk for a while. The last time we spoke was three years ago when she was leaving for some school for the gifted.

    I didn’t know where to begin with my questions, and it seemed like she was troubled by something.

    “Hey Monna, do you ever wish that you could do magic?” It was a random thought, but lately, I’ve been wondering about it. I was tired from work and I wasn’t thinking clearly.

    “Do I? Well… I can do magic, but you might not like it.”

    “Wait, you can do magic?” I heard rustling from behind me.

    “Close your eyes, wait for the spell to take effect, and then open them” And I did as she told me.

    The moment I closed my eyes, I heard more rustling on the bed before I felt our lips touch. I did not open my eyes until I heard window glass shattering. I saw a ball of fire hit the wall in front of us. Flames exploded all over the room in an instant.

    “I need a shield,” she said in a panicked voice, pulling away from me. “Will you swear to be it?”

    I had a feeling, in that inferno, the answer could only be “Yes!”

    (Edits were made due to mistakes in grammar and word count issues)

    1. “Yo! Be my meat shield!”

      “Ballin!”

      Painfully contorts into a shield.

      This was nice. It makes sense why she was gloomy since they were attacked. I think she knew and that’s why she took that kiss. A magical kiss. The greatest love potion of them all.

      At least the most natural and ethical.

      Now take my LIKE!

      1. Michkon Avatar
        Michkon

        I could’ve written 3 more tales with the word count restriction, and still, it would not be enough for this one. Thank you for the like and the feedback!

        You know, he was probably undergoing a lot of emotions before he said yes. I needed around 50 more words to explain 2 things in the story. Alas, the word count is strict and a good exercise for writing.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That was a double subversion! At first, I thought it would go the supernatural way, then it seemed like it was going on the exact opposite direction with the sweet-though-very-grounded way and on the next sentence we are back in a “what the hell was that?”. That was really, really interesting. Quite the hooking narrative, and full of surprises. The descriptions also have that whole nostalgic vibe to them that work really well with the reminiscences of the young.

      Great tale!

      1. Michkon Avatar
        Michkon

        Thank you for the feedback, it’s always filled with care and consideration. I shall give a read to your story after I finish this comment!

    3. Boy… That escalated quickly. That really got out of hand fast.

      Honestly, I don’t think the whole fireball thing was needed. She could have said had to leave on a quest and ask him to come with, for example.

      Also you should probably remove your note at the end. It’s counting against the word limit.

      1. Michkon Avatar
        Michkon

        Welp, nothing I can do about the word limit now… Oh well… fml

  18. Yes

    By Joe

    “Hey! Did you know that you could gain bird powers by eating a bird?” Foster asked me.

    “Yeah.”

    He paused. “Wait, what?”

    “Yeah, I, uh, I got bored yesterday and decided to catch a pigeon in the street. They’re surprisingly easy to catch,” I said nonchalantly.

    Foster was speechless and dumbfounded, so I had to pry.

    “You look shocked. Why?”

    “I…de…wha…Are you serious?”

    “What? What’s the problem, buddy, friend, chum?”

    Foster frowned. “I don’t believe you.”

    “What?”

    “I said I don’t believe you! I think you’re screwing with me with your nonsense.”

    “Alright. I’ll just fly then.”

    “Pfft. Oh sure. You’re just going to…”

    His eyes widened at my newfound power. I stared down at him from the ceiling.

    “Told ya.”

    “What the fff…HOW?!”

    “I caught a pigeon. I told you that.”

    “I have so many questions!” Foster dragged his hands down his cheeks.

    “Do you really have that many questions? People say they do, but never ask more than, like, three questions?”

    “Well, for one, what prompted you to eat a bird?!”

    “Well, I didn’t say that I ate it. But I did want to know what it tasted like but I didn’t get the chance to.”

    Foster narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?”

    “Well, I picked up the bird and I absorbed it.”

    “What do you mean you ABSORBED it?”

    “I picked up the bird, and my body absorbed it. And not like picking up an item in a video game, okay. It melded into my body. It was flapping and screeching trying to get away as its flesh stuck and stretched into mine. It was horrifying.”

    Foster’s eyes widened. “Do you absorb everything you touch?”

    “THANKFULLY NO. I was still hungry afterward, so I bought some chicken nuggets. I was careful not to touch the cashier as I handed them the cash, but their hand brushed against mine and nothing happened. I was so relieved.”

    “Well, that’s good at least.”

    “Yeah.”

    Silence stuck for a while until I broke the news.

    “I’m wanted by the FBI.”

    “Wha-WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

    “I pooped on the President.”

    1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      Well that happened. XD Fun read. A bit of chaotic neutral I feel.

    2. Michkon Avatar
      Michkon

      Well… this one seems to be all over the place. It’s a very fun read and a good palate cleanser after the last prompt’s stories. Keep up the good work and I hope to read more from you!

      P.S. Is there going to be a sequel to this? I’m interested in the fate of the absorbing guy. xD

      1. Oh no. He died. The FBI swatted him.

    3. RamblingRook Avatar
      RamblingRook

      Love the hilarious take on the prompt! “I pooped on the president” had me in tears. The dialogue is fun and fast paced. You barely need any description and just know what faces the characters are making. WE NEED A SEQUEl! He shall escape from the FBI! This would totally make a cool comic that I would read. You deserve all the praise!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Plot twist: a squad of FBI agents came flying towards him making pigeon noises. We are left to wonder if the absorption power is a Federal secret or if the FBI was infiltrated by pigeons who can take human form by absorbing them. Our only hope is president-pooping guy.

    4. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That was one of the most surprising and funny things I’ve read on ages. It is hilarious how the first sentence prompts what is going to happen, but then it is both subverted and have its bet doubled down, and it keeps getting sillier and sillier, more and more surreal… Despite that ever expanding tone is how bizarre it can gets, it never overstayed its welcome, it just kept moving and getting better and better.

      I really have no critique to this piece. The humor is on point, the flow is great, the whole anticipation of each new revelation is masterfully done… That’s a really, really great story, Joe, and my day is surely better due to the chance to read it.

      Also, fantastic ending.

    5. That punchline.

      Chef’s kiss.

    6. Lol you win. This is the most glorious thing I’ve read and I was laughing at multiple times throughout it. I frickin love the characters. Despite the clear humor involved, you put so much personality into the dialogue that it was a joy to read.

      I especially love how just… horrifying you described the pidgeon absorbsion. It’s so cringy but yet doesn’t throw off the mostly lighthearted tone you have going.

      Also, I refuse to believe he’s dead, swatted or otherwise. That’s just what the FBI wants us to think!

    7. Lenss Avatar
      Lenss

      I liked the banter and that ending. I liked how there was some magical realism going on with the ability to absorb birds and how, out of all the things that he could have done, he pooped on the president. This actually begs a follow up of how did the FBI know that it was him? And did they seriously want to arrest a bird for pooping on the President?

      Short and sweet. It was easy to read and it was an enjoyable experience.

      1. He’s a floating human that squirted like an ice scream machine on the President’s head. I’m sure they knew.

    8. Okay that was exellent
      The only nitpick is the changing perspective halfway through making it a bit messy near the end ^^; like for a second I was like “That’s pigeon guy right? Why was he introduced as ‘Foster’ before?”
      But aside from that; very funny
      Keep up the good work

    9. Cromillea Avatar
      Cromillea

      So I was just scrolling and I saw that last line, and I audibly said, “oh, flip.” I had to see what wacky events led to this. This story about silly absorption powers was crazy, like the stories close friends would tell to each other. It’s mostly presented in dialogue, which creates great imagery, but I’d still like to read more descriptions. That’s just my preference, though, I think this would make a for a fun comic strip.

  19. Unforgettable
    By Kenji

    “Look! It’s such a pretty bird!” Sia exclaimed, pointing at the branch in front of us. “Hey, have you ever imagined flying like one? I would love to feel the wind on my face.” She watched the bird fly off, twitching like she was flapping wings of her own.

    I remembered something and only barely stifled a giggle. Unfortunately, Sia still heard and narrowed her eyes. “What?”

    “I just…”

    “Yeeees?” She prompted.

    “Well, I guess it’s fine to do it here,” I answered half-heartedly.

    I pulled out my wand from my bag, and motioned for her to come closer. She approached while I cast the spell under my breath, her confusion and curiosity growing more visible. When she reached me I fired the spell towards both of us, taking her hand as she started lifting off the ground. Her face shifted between surprise, fear, and excitement as she realized what was happening.

    “Magic can do this?!” She yelled, gaping as she struggled to stay balanced in the air, turning upside down and holding her skirt in place.

    “The spell was prohibited years ago, so I can’t use it near towns.”

    I pulled Sia’s arm to help her regain her balance.

    “Do you know how to swim?” I asked as we slowly started to rise.

    “I-I never had the chance to learn!”

    “This is easier, I promise. You can even start learning right now.”

    Pushing off against a boulder, I started rising faster than before, pulling Sia behind me and quickly surpassing the treetops.

    “Ardeeeeen!” Startled by the sudden acceleration, Sia grabbed my arm and hugged it as tightly as she squeezed her eyes shut.

    After going a bit higher, I stopped our ascent and put my free hand over Sia’s to comfort her. Her eyes slowly opened, and she froze at the view before us. The forest spread around the mountains in the distance, sun setting behind them and casting light on the town we were traveling towards. The wind brushed gently against the two of us.

    After a short silence, she murmured, “It’s beautiful.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That’s very sweet. It is funny how it start a bit grounded and mysterious and then… wands and magic and flying, oh, my.

      I really liked how the spell seems to be very simple (granting the possibility to fly, but not necessarily the skill to do so, and then the person needing to learn how to tread in this new medium of air). I also found it endearing that without the ground, balance is nothing something easy to come by and Sia ends up losing her orientation.

      This has a very slice of magical life feel to it. I wonder why that particular spell was forbidden (air traffic regulations, perhaps?)…

      That was a very fun read!

    2. DaLeen Avatar
      DaLeen

      This was really, really cute. I mean, who hasn’t watched a bird and dreamt about flying? Having that wish be fulfilled right on the spot makes it seem like they might be more than friends.
      I also liked the little bits of comedic aspects that actually tell a lot, like her face shifting through several emotions (which is something everyone would do in that kinda situation), or the bit about her skirt cause she has problems keeping her balance.
      All that also makes it very easy to picture your little story. Well done!
      Thank you for writing and sharing this.

  20. A Question of Should (Forsaken Universe)
    By Alex Nightingale (aka Spectre)

    The red light on the monitor heralded the coming of the thing Jackie was both dreading and anticipating. Having slowed down considerably, the sun screamer was still on course, directly toward them.

    “We have the choice,” she said, more to herself than Michael. “We either siphon power from this creature, in order to reactivate the nanobots, in hopes of fixing this ship or we get used to the idea of Ozymandias becoming our new home.”

    “We don’t even know if this is a creature,” Michael said.

    He had a point. What did they know about sun screamers? Only what legends said. Humanoid, miniature suns, traversing the cosmos.

    “Whatever we decide, we’re running out of time,” Michael continued, the icy calm in his voice almost driving her up the wall. “It’ll be here in five days, if it maintains its speed, according to Newton.”

    Jackie bit the lip of her currently humanoid hull. So soon… Why was she the one making this decision? Because she was satari? Because she was in medical? Because she was technically the oldest?

    “It might not even feel it. It’s not like we’re completely draining it.”

    “That’s just it, Michael,” she snapped. “We don’t know if it feels pain. We don’t know whether it is sapient or not. We don’t know if our plan to catch it will work. We don’t even know, if calling it an ‘it’ is even appropriate. We just know that we need more power, if we’re ever to break orbit.”

    Jackie wished deeply that she didn’t know all this. Knowledge could hurt as much as it helped. She wasn’t sure, why she acted the way she did. Maybe because sun screamers appeared to be energy-based creatures, just like she was. Maybe she was just sick of everyone turning to her to have all the answers, as if being satari made her inherently more enlightened.

    “Well, maybe we should answer the question of whether we can even catch it in the first place,” Michael said.

    “It’s not a question of whether we can,” Jackie replied. “It’s a question of whether we should.”

    1. I enjoyed the conversation here.

      Jackie’s inner monologue shows her turmoil to make the decision, especially since her uniqueness in the universe beckons a hard-hitting question.

      “Should I sacrifice one of the only beings in the universe that could understand me, and maybe answer questions about my existence?”

      I hope the best for Jackie. This is a good setup for adding a new character or traumatizing somebody. Or both.

      I like, so I give you like!

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That was an amazing setup, and I loved the discussion that it brings. The whole thing about the questions they can have and the implication of even pondering the knowledge being both something that might help understand a situation, but poses new questions and new ethical constraints… and considering their situation, that all aside from the very, very real technical questions as well. It all felt as something that could be a companion piece to a whole discussion on the ethics of experimentation and how we interpret the world.

      And it was very compelling. The story is nice, the characters feel very natural, the conflict is engaging and the whole mystery of what they are dealing with drives our curiosity. That is amazing storytelling here!

    3. DaLeen Avatar
      DaLeen

      This was a very fascinating read. I love me a bit of sci-fi, especially when it’s bringing up those kinda philosophical questions. Why is it we look up to certain people? Is it ok to make use of something we don’t know anything about, or don’t understand?
      I also wonder now what sun screamers are. Or satari. This little piece made me highly curious, and I wanna read more. So, good job on that front as well.
      Thank you for writing and sharing this story.

    4. You did a great job with this both as a standalone piece as well as part of a bigger universe. You know just the right amount of information when you need to know it and it’s never too much. But it’s also enough that you’re very curious by the end of it.

      And of course, it’s the questions that really drive the story forward. And I’m a sucker for these kinds of moral quandaries, especially in the unknown. But what I like the most is that these questions are asked BEFORE the thing happens. They, or at least Jackie, are at least having this question of whether the sun screamer is a sentient being before deciding to catch it and drain it for their benefit. And that pretty much tells you all you need to know about Jackie right there.

      Very intriguing take on the prompt. I also love that you technically flip it from the initial idea of you do that, to should you even try. Well done!

    5. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      Among all the fantasy, I found this Sci-fi piece to be refreshing–especially since it’s so well done! Your balance of dialogue and inner thoughts was fantastic, and it didn’t feel rushed or sluggish at all! It was also really interesting to see the perspective of an “enlightened” race of people that most Sci-fi use as crutches to offer a more logical viewpoint. The stress of always having everyone see you as a superior, and therefore expect you to always know what to do. Magnificent!

      There are two critiques I would like to make. The first has to do with the weight of the decision. You make it abundantly clear why capturing the sun screamer (awesome name, btw) could be an ethically dubious choice, but you never make it clear why the crew needs to leave. Why would the Ozymandias becoming their new home be so bad? Are they running from something? Do they need to get home? The other critique is more mechanical: commas. There are a lot of unnecessary commas in the piece that break up the sentence into strange segments. For example: “We either siphon power from this creature, in order to reactivate the nanobots, in hopes of fixing this ship or we get used to the idea of Ozymandias becoming our new home.” This line only really needs one comma, and that’s to separate the two choices. You don’t need them to separate the step-by-step reasons in the plan.

      Great job! Keep it up!

    6. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      From the moment I saw that title I knew we were in for something good. I’m sure it’s a more common idiom, but the main place I know that line is from the Frankenstein musical (yes that exists XD), where Henry learns what Victor’s been doing, and after Victor tells him all the reasons he’s justified, Henry shouts “The question is not what you *can* do, the question is what you *should* do!” And it’s one of my absolute favorite lines in it. So the moment I saw the title I knew that was the idea and the line and got really exited.

      This piece is especially cool after reading the scene with…im blanking on her name, but the winged girl who experiences the crash that results from this.
      I think it was also that piece where the myth of a Sun Screamer was mentioned? Maybe it was a different piece, but I definitely remember that myth being mentioned so it’s really cool to actually see it not only show up, but actually affect the plot.

      I have been waiting to see what caused the crash for a long time and this is a really neat explanation. I love that it wasn’t just a simple dramatic event, but rather a choice.
      I wonder if that helps them better deal with the crash mentally. Knowing it wasn’t tragedy and chance, but potentially sacrificing their lives to save another creature’s.
      Then again, maybe for some of them that could make it harder to deal with…knowing maybe they could have saved themselves without hurting it…

      I’m almost surprised that Michael is on the less compassionate side of the conversation. He’s seemed fairly caring in the past. though maybe I’m remembering wrong.

      “The red light on the monitor heralded the coming of the thing Jackie was both dreading and anticipating.”
      —A really great dramatic opener.

      I love that the first line of dialogue in the piece is “we have a choice.” Such a perfect way to start off and summarize the piece as a whole.

      “Humanoid, miniature suns, traversing the cosmos.”
      —That’s fascinating. I was not expecting it to be humanoid. But definitely helps you see how it might be sentient.

      “Jackie bit the lip of her currently humanoid hull.”
      —What does that mean “currently humanoid hull”? Is she the cyborg? I thought I remembered Morae being the cyborg? Maybe I’m just confusing names today…

      “It might not even feel it. It’s not like we’re completely draining it.”
      “That’s just it, Michael,” she snapped. “We don’t know if it feels pain.”
      —this was a very powerful set of lines. Sure they might be able to do it without hurting it…but that’s the point. “Might.” They don’t know. Are they really willing to hurt or kill this creature on the off chance it won’t feel it?

      “We don’t even know, if calling it an ‘it’ is even appropriate.”
      —This was one of the most powerful lines in the piece to me. I think I said a while ago on stream that calling someone an “it” is a really great way to show that the character is dehumanizing another character without having to directly say it. And the way you refer to something, even if you don’t mean to dehumanize it, can really affect your thinking about it. So the first thing you need to do in a conversation like this, is think about how you refer to it more consciously, and if you’re purposely dehumanizing it to make the decision easier. So I thought that was really cool that she caught their thinking on a fundamental level.

      “Jackie wished deeply that she didn’t know all this. Knowledge could hurt as much as it helped.”
      —What’s really fascinating is this follows after a series of “we don’t know” questions. But weirdly enough, knowing you don’t know something…is still knowing something. And I can definitely see what a burden even the ability to ask those questions is, because it means, even off of the things they don’t know, they can make an informed decision, where it would be so much easier to blindly do it.

      “Maybe because sun screamers appeared to be energy-based creatures, just like she was.”
      —Oh! That’s interesting

      “as if being satari made her inherently more enlightened.”
      —Oh? Why would that be the case?

      This was a really great piece. I always love the compassion and moral questions in your piece, and it was cool to see that that very sort of moral question caused the crash. Wonderful job!

  21. That guy Avatar
    That guy

    I’m an Unbeliever (Debut)
    By That guy

    The Gods have shown us no mercy. Their cruelty has crossed every boundary. Our crops cannot grow, our livestock have passed out, and our cities are all but in ruin. There is only so much that we, as mortals, can take. An assembly of the wisest and most knowledgeable of leaders has taken place in the capitol of the world, the only place that the Gods themselves have yet to touch. Arguments have been thrown back and forth, but no progress has been made. It was only Epistimi, the wisest of all, who has thought up a solution to this troubling crisis.

    “So, Epitstimi,” spoke the Vice Councilmen, “The wisest of all, what wisdom will you bestow upon us in such apocalyptic times?”

    Epitstimi rose forth from his chair and spoke, “We shall simply ignore them.”

    “We can do that?” A councilmen asked.

    “Precisely,” Epitstimi replied, “We ignore them until they go away.”

    A councilmen raised his hand in the air, and Epitstimi pointed at him as he spoke, “Won’t ignoring the Gods simply anger them even more than they already are?”

    “Why yes,” Epitstimi answered, “But eventually they’ll decide we’re not worth the time.”

    We all looked to another. Possibly thinking the same question in our mind. The Hawk King then raised his hand into the air, and Epitstimi pointed which lead to the Hawk King’s question, “If this were to work, then how do we explain everything on this world. Like, where we came from, or how the animals, sun, moon, and life came into existence?”

    “Ah,” Epitstimi stroked the long hairs of his beard, “Well quite simple, we’ll use a really, really big explosion that gave birth to life, the world, and the makings. Then we’ll use long and confusing words, but arranged in a less conventional manner that makes it seem like we know what we’re talking about. Despite not knowing what we’re even talking about. We shall call this, ‘Science’!”

    Epitstimi proceeded to walk proudly back into his quarters. Not even elaborating further on his idea. Leaving all of us to question his position.

    1. Well, that’s reasonable. I always wanted a God of Touching Grass anyways for mental healing instead of a therapist. And the thought of flashing my pereneum to the Sun God for a tan sounds hilarious.

      “I give you guys life, and you do this to me. And you wonder why we’re angry. I’m disappointed.”

      Suggestions like Epitstimi’s really makes me wonder how he earned his position. But the thing I got curious about his name because it was a very specific name to give a character.

      Epitstimi = Episteme

      Episteme. The philosophical term to the principle system of understanding; scientific knowledge or proven knowledge. According to wikipedia.

      Or what Merriam-webster says, ‘KNOWLEDGE’.

      The satire in this short story is real. And I applaud you for your deep efforts. 👏👏👏

      It was tasteful and funny. I give you like.

    2. Michkon Avatar
      Michkon

      So… This one is a bit unique. I would’ve liked to see the version of this story that had no word count restriction. In any case, the story is fleshed out as much as it can be with the theme that we were given.

      Keep up the good work and I hope to read more from you!

    3. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      There is a lot to like on this story, but to me it almost seem like it would work better as two interconnected pieces. The whole thing about ignoring the gods until they decide humans not to be worth their time is hilarious, and would work great as an ending to the story in itself. Then, what comes later seems like a very interesting idea to delve into, but I really think it would need its own space to really shine. More development, more of a punchline to end as well.

      But the whole idea was quite funny.

      I wonder, though, why the Capital has been spared in all this time…

    4. Oh Epi. I admire your outside-the-box thinking. But never underestimate the pettiness of eternal beings. Even if they DID eventually grow bored with tormenting humanity, it could go on for hundreds or even thousands of years.

    5. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      I’m a fan of how you contrast the serious set up with comedic satire! Not only does it lead to a good fake out of expectations, but the juxtaposition also highlights the ridiculousness of the suggestion.

      The only critique I have is that you switch from past tense to present tense after the introductory paragraph. I understand why you would, but generally it can confuse the reader and reads poorly. It’s a good rule of thumb to always stick with one tense and keep the work uniform.

      Please keep up the good work! I look forwards to you future stories!

  22. RamblingRook Avatar
    RamblingRook

    The Road Back Home
    By RamblingRook

    Cold.

    Wet.

    Shivering.

    I didn’t know they could do that. I don’t know why they would do that.

    I thought they loved me.

    I thought I was a good dog.

    But here I am.

    Huddled in a soaking heap on the side of the road. Tail tucked between my legs. Too weak to bark or move.

    I know the road is dangerous. The stench of death is overwhelming.

    I can’t bring myself to move.

    Maybe I deserve this.

    I just wasn’t good enough. Maybe I played a little too rough with the cat. Maybe I dug up the dirt one too many times. Maybe I should never have gotten too old to fetch.

    My insides growl. The pain won’t let me sleep.

    Do I really deserve this.

    Maybe I do.

    Please.

    I stare off into the direction their car drove off.

    Please tell me what I did wrong. I promise I can be better.

    Please.

    Please come back for me.

    The ground rumbles beneath my limp body. A light shines in the distance. I know it’s a car.

    For a second I think they’ve come back. My tail thumps into the muddy soil.

    Please take me back. I want to go home.

    It drives past. Splashing even more grimy water and muck onto my black coat.

    I want to go home.

    Please.

    More cars drive by. I don’t bother looking up. What’s the point. I’m broken, unwanted.

    “You have a home little guy?”

    Home? My eyes open and in the dark I see a car. A woman standing in front of me.

    A hand pats me on the head and I lean into the warmth and comfort.

    “Jenna dear, get the blankets and come over here. I don’t see a collar.”

    “Yes Grandma.”

    I get wrapped in something soft. It takes away the dampness.

    The woman lifts me up and puts me in her car. I let my tail wag just the tiniest bit.

    “Can we keep him.” The little girl whines.

    “If no one comes for him, yes.”

    The car roars back to life.

    Home?

    1. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      Wow.

      What a gut-punch that read was! There’s something magical about dogs that make you feel bad for them when they’re mistreated. I literally have no critiques, let alone words left. The way you use short paragraphs and one-word sentences really makes me feel as if I’m reading from the perspective of a dog with a short attention span.

      It hurts so good! Keep up the phenomenal work!

    2. A story built by simple sentences to progress the narrative. Brilliant.

      This immediately reminded me of the Loving Reaper comics. Mainly the lines, “Maybe I was a bad dog.”
      “No. You just happened to love bad people.”

      😭😭😭

      I’m just glad this had a good ending.

    3. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      The emotional whiplash!

      That started out as an excruciating read, and I’m saying that as a compliment. That started out so dolorous and heartfelt, that it was even a bit hard to keep going. But was it well written, was it impactful! Had it ended in that terribly sad note, it would still be an amazing story.

      But then there is the whole hopeful ending, and that feeling of a kind of debriefing after the rough patch. That was a tale beautifully told!

      Great story!

    4. DaLeen Avatar
      DaLeen

      This was amazing. So unbelievably sad in the beginning, with the dog wondering why it is in this situation at all, when it (probably) didn’t even do anything wrong. I really hoped while reading that someone would come save it, so it was a real relief when it ended in this sweet way. It already sounds like those two will take good care of poor doggo.
      This piece really made me feel. A lot. A very, very good and satisfying read.
      Thank you for writing and sharing this, I really love it.

    5. That guy Avatar
      That guy

      First things first, I would have been extremely upset if you had killed off the dog, but I’m glad you didn’t. That was an incredible punch to my gut. I enjoyed the sensory details in your story. The short, and brief, pieces of descriptions gave me this sense of hopelessness. This started out strong, and ended with the same way.

    6. Cromillea Avatar
      Cromillea

      This was one of the first stories I read because the pacing of your sentences really caught my eye. The beginning ties in the prompt so well and it made me emotional. The stream of consciousness with the dog’s perspective built up a lot of sympathy. What happened to the dog was very disappointing but I think that made me feel even better when the women come to the rescue. Your writing is powerful and full of emotion, nice job!

  23. Tamela Redfin Avatar
    Tamela Redfin

    True or False (Tale of Gilbert)

    By Tamela Redfin

    I sat on the ground, looking into the cracked mirror. Yup, this was my future as well as my present. I was a cyborg now, with no friends, except for maybe one other robotic-looking girl. Or was she? It had been weeks since I left my room and everything felt so, so cold.

    “GILBERT!” Klon Vatti, better known as Feldspar Augen, shouted to me. I tried to hide so I wouldn’t have to see the soulless body of Gildo. “Ah there you are, why the long face?”

    “You know why the long face.” I replied with that stupid robotic voice.

    “I need your help.” He motioned and I saw Cora’s clone, Corlita enter. “I want you two to bring me Elenora Alderbrand… Helen’s daughter.”

    “False. You can’t make me.” Corlita snapped before Klon Vatti clicked a button. Corlita fell to the ground, screaming in agony. Wait, were those lights I was seeing?

    “Do you want to be the next Sulfur Cora? If so, start acting like her!” Klon Vatti shouted.

    “True… TRUE!” She answered.

    Then Klon Vatti stopped.

    Corlita turned to me, “Experiment 105, code name Gilbert, do you know how to use your laser eyes? True or False?”

    “Uh, no? I mean, false.”

    Corlita winked, firing a laser straight at me, which I thankfully dodged. She then clutched my right arm. “Set dial to fire, not to off position. Wait, what does laser net do?”

    I held out my hand and fired. Unsurprisingly, a net of lasers caught Corlita.

    “Experiment 105! Release me.” Corlita thrashed about, but she only seemed to be ensnared tighter.

    “Corlita, relax.” I lowered my hand. She didn’t understand. “Uh movement set to false?”

    Corlita quickly seized up and the net loosened, before disappearing. She fell into my arms. “My thanks to Experiment 105.”

    “Please call me Gilbert.” I replied, setting her down. So that’s what I’d be now? Klon Vatti’s evil errand monkey? I also had to get Corlita out of here.

    1. Will you sign my petition to kill Feldspar Augen and keep killing him until he stays f*ckin dead?

      If you’d like to take a number, you can join the queue to use YOUR choice of weapons on whichever incarnation of Feldspar Augen we can capture. Join the fun today!

      1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
        Tamela Redfin

        Yes! Fun forever! XD

        Thanks for the read.

    2. I have no idea what’s going on, but the characters are fun, the story is riveting, and the sudden urge to kill Feldspar Augen is strong.

      What I think would make this better is if Corlita, to fit the True or False characteristic, spoke in statements and then proceeded with asking True or False. Unless there’s something I don’t know about that, with which feel free to ignore this.

      Other than that.

      I like this story.

      True!

      Also, can I sign that petition? I want to run over him with a Zamboni.

      1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
        Tamela Redfin

        Hmm… I do like that idea. I’ll try to put it in.

        Also, yes you may sign. *Adds death by Zamboni on the list*

        Thanks for the read! 🙂

    3. Skeleton Avatar
      Skeleton

      I feel bad for experiment 105, because Corlita stole the show! There was something about changing yes/no to true/false that really made her likeable and charming. And the line, “set movement to false” made me crack up. My brother was a computer science specialist in university, and that line rings remarkably true with how he explained coding to me. Maybe you could make a “Hello, world” joke when they eventually escape?

      I could find no pressing critiques with your work! You’ve done a fantastic job! Keep up the good work!

      P.S. Could you put “the cold vacuum of space” under the “ways for Feldspar Augen to die painfully”? Thanks!

      1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
        Tamela Redfin

        *Adds to list* K :3

        Thanks for the read and critiques.

    4. The “True/False” thing strikes me as something that was done to her for Augen’s amusement, cause there’s no functional reason to.

      Also, I’m signing the petition and adding “pour cement over him to make a block and throw the block into the ocean.”

  24. Interplanetary trip (short for the anomalous galaxy)

    “So let me get this straight? you got back from Neptune to earth near-instantly?!” the scientist in chief Arnold Carmine was baffled at the anomaly in from of him.

    “And you are sure your powers aren’t magic?” asked the arch Magus Amelia Thomson. she knew the Aetheric arts could do almost anything with few rules, but recreating that insanity was challenging to pull off. unless one knew how to make a wormhole, and even then you still needed to use special suits to survive the trip with zero oxygen. “went did you realize you could do this?”

    “Well, I meant, one of my best friends was going to live in Neptune’s colonies, so I just wanted to visit her,” said the 25-year-old Pamela Alejandro while she shyly played with her fingers “so I thought I could just fly to her right?, so I did it.”

    This young woman got into a freak accident, that should have ended her life, yet she did this safely without magic, or a specialized space vessel, with just the clothes she was wearing.

    “Miss, do you realize you pierced the atmosphere layers of the earth, and then did the same in Neptune upon re-entry?” Arnold said almost having an aneurysm, and wanting to get drunk, at the Superman-like achievement Pamela just did.” and then again, went you returned?”

    “And not to mention, that in the process you made several authorities worry about a rogue space vessel,” Amelia said massaging the side of her head trying to soothe a zoom-to-be headache.” you do realize the uproar this is going to provoke right?”

    “Jejeje! Oops,” Pamela dared to chuckle nervously. All of this just because she wanted to visit a friend on another planet? oh christ.

    The mage and the scientist looked at each other, both could feel the change to the status quo would happen…. again with a bottle of Vodka for Arnold no doubt.

    Anomalies like Pamela would never seem to amaze them both that’s for sure.

    1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      There are a few capitialization errors and run Ons (Eg asked the arch Magus Amelia Thomson she knew the Aetheric arts could do almost anything with few rules, but recreating that insanity was challenging to pull off, it should be, asked the arch Magus Amelia Thomson. She knew the Aetheric arts could do almost anything with few rules, but recreating that insanity was challenging to pull off.) But typos aside, the writing itself is very good.

      1. thanks Tamela I will fix it now and thanks for the feedback

    2. Magic System Avatar
      Magic System

      This is a really fun comedic story, I really enjoyed it! It’s got a Terry Pratchett-like absurdism to it, and the cluelessness of the main character was amazing.

      What did bother me a fair amount was the dialogue being a bit unnatural —“just how is that possible?!” Isn’t how someone would talk — and this description in particular being very clunky: “The Young 25-year-old black-haired tanned skinned woman that got into a freak accident, that should have ended her life, could do this safely without a specialized magitech suit only the clothes she was wearing. Just what?” Not only is that description long, it only really serves to take up space in what is already a very limited word count.

      These things could definitely be fixed with some detailed editing (as well as a typo or two, I think), which would definitely far improve a fantastic concept. Best of luck as you keep writing!

      1. Galer Avatar
        Galer

        thanks for the feedback Magic

  25. Skeleton Avatar
    Skeleton

    Sleepless. (The Will)
    By Skeleton

    “Did you mean it?”

    The dragoness looked over to the black-haired man sitting next to her on the desolate walls of what was supposed to be his home. Eymir had pulled himself into a ball, tighter than any other she had seen. Even though the stars shone brilliantly with the moon, his eyes had no glimmer to them. “What do you mean?” Remianna replied.

    “When you said you would help me. Do you have any idea what you’d be up against?”

    He was breaking, and she could see the cracks widening. Remianna forced his legs down and used them as her pillow, looking up to the Sufferer with confident eyes.

    Eymir closed his eyes and sighed. “You already know I have two traits—that alone is a problem for anyone trying to take me down. Even the most powerful Wills only have one,” he reminded her, but Remianna did not falter.

    “The first is… when my essence touches physical matter, I consume it—adding to my mass of pure eleum. I can carry up to ten tons of mass within me, and whenever I consume something, I can recreate it perfectly. If I can touch you through any surface with my essence… I can kill you.”

    “But?” Remianna prompted.

    “But that’s a simple parlour trick without the second trait,” he continued. Eymir swallowed, preparing himself to reveal the one thing he had never told another soul. “The reason I have such a large essence pool isn’t because of my linage. It’s because… I…”

    It took him several moments to get out the truth, his tears acting as lubricant. “…because I take my victim’s core essence—their soul—and add it to my own. It’s why I can’t sleep anymore: they’re all still there… screaming and trying to take control of my body. Especially… her.”

    Remianna’s jaw tightened, and Eymir noticed. “Are you sure you want to help me?” he asked.

    “I just don’t think a monster would let a woman use him as a pillow,” she quipped.

    “You’re insane,” he shook his head in disbelief.

    “Maybe I’m just crazy about you.”

    1. Grabs chest: “Heart? What are you doing?!”

      Heart: “FEELING!!!”

      This was a beautiful scene that developed the characters and strengthened their bond!

      Take my like. Just take it!

    2. This was a really sweet story. Eymir’s struggle with not being able to be close to anyone and seeing himself as a monster is really pungent here, making the final exchange all the more powerful. It makes me really glad for Eymir that Remianna is there to help him.

      The impulse to reject comfort, after spending so much time in isolation, is a very understandable one and one that can be hard to overcome. What really plays into this is the language you use. My favourite line is probably the comparison between tears and lubricants. I really like the symbol of it. It feels very apt.

      Great story!

    3. Magic System Avatar
      Magic System

      I really liked the character building here! The emotion is clear, and there’s some good nuance to how the two interact. The only thing that really bothered me was that the exposition of how the information was told felt… clunky. Eymir is saying things he knows Remianna knows, which is pointless unless he’s going into greater detail than he has (which the “reminded” makes unlikely), and which makes it all sound very forced. It also gets too specific with the “I can carry 10 tons of mass”, which isn’t how you would really talk I think. I do love the concept of that power though, and again, the emotion behind the delivery definitely hit home.

  26. A Pleasant Revelation (Cordelia’s Journey/A Tiefling Tale) [From Private]
    C. M. Weller

    Thunder rumbled into Cordelia’s awareness, first. Heralding the feel of a soft, down mattress or the warm weight of blankets and quilts. Hinting at the awareness of some very warm presence by her side. Wrapped around her wherever possible.

    The thunder ebbed and flowed like a tide, making her think that there must be a truly unpleasant storm outside before the golden light of dawn sidled into her awareness.

    Cordelia put things together. Slowly, since it took her brain some time to accomplish puzzles this early in the day. She was not wearing a single stitch of clothing. Neither was her husband. Oh yes. She had got married, just yesterday. And enjoyed some matrimonial bliss, thereafter.

    Cordelia turned towards the weight of her husband. Kormwind Arachis Felbourne Whitekeep, ninth of the name. The Demon Lord of these mountains. Affectionately known to those who loved him best as ‘Kosh’.

    Kosh, who had all five limbs wrapped around her as if he still feared she may vanish. Kosh, who had suffered so much just to win this much peace. Kosh, her beloved.

    He had drooled on the pillow in his slumber, and his hair was an unsurprising mess. Nevertheless, she could still spot the gold band that was now a part of his left horn for the rest of their lives together. She would never forget that weird look of beatific glee on his blue features, in combination with the scent of searing horn and burning blood.

    Tieflings like him got more than a little strange about forming permanent bonds.

    Cordelia brushed some of his indigo curls from his face and felt… a vibration? The thunder was coming from HIM!

    Golden eyes opened and he made a deep, “Mrrrrp?” noise.

    She couldn’t hide it from him. “You were purring.”

    His voice still trembled with the noise. “I’m… happy.” His pointed teeth showed, and he was unafraid of their influence on her. “I’m really, truly happy.”

    “How long have you known you can do that?”

    Kosh loosened one arm to rub his eyes. “About a minute, belike?”

    1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      *Reads through* Ha ha, didn’t die of cuteness this time. However, now I have to get my teeth fixed. The writing is great, the scene is cute, and I want to read MOAR!

      1. The sweetness cannot be denied XD

    2. My man, a Demon Lord, just discovered he could be happy, a minute ago, after suffering who knows how long from only they know what.

      I’m going to faceplant into a factory pile of cinnamon rolls and scream at the pure sweetness.

      1. You, too, are a cinnamon roll XD

    3. Ha! Honestly, I thought she was going to discover he was a hardcore snorer. Purring, however, is an entirely new level of cute.

      I wonder if the purring is because he’s a Tiefling or if it’s a more human sort of purr? But then, if it was that constant and deep it sounds like it’s might be a rare, not spoken about, racial trait.

      1. It’s a very obscure Tiefling trait in my headcannon. Yes, Tieflings can purr, but they very rarely find a chance to do so. It surprises the heck out of everyone, including the Tiefling.

  27. Nothing
    By Marx(CW: Mental/Physical abuse, Depression)

    I remember how it started.

    Jasmine wasn’t entirely sure that me and him weren’t trying to prank her somehow. Teasing her love of the supernatural. So, she wanted proof. Proof that he was a demon and forced me into being his thrall.

    I remember him looking at me.

    It was the look you give a toy. Not one you like, but one you never wanted. One you’ll break one day out of spite.

    I felt it before I saw it. Which was weird of course, because how many people can feel their hair? But I did. And then I saw it. One strand turning from blonde to black. Then it was two, then three, and all I could do was watch in horror as a prominent black streak formed in my hair and became a permanent fixture in my life.

    As I look in the mirror now, I barely recognize myself.

    I remember hating the little bits of green in the blue of my eyes.

    They’re gold now.

    I remember hating my freckles and pimples and all the little flaws on my skin.

    It’s flawless now.

    I remember hating my teeth. They weren’t quite buck teeth, but they stuck out just enough that when I smiled it made me look childish.

    That’s no longer an issue.

    Neither is my torso being too short.

    Or my legs being too long for my height.

    And my hair? It’s all black now. Except for one blonde strand. And I know it’s that way on purpose. He loves to taunt me. To remind me of how little control I have over anything, including my own body.

    In my weakest moments, I frantically search for that one hair and I tear it out, just wanting it to be over already.

    It eventually grows right back though. Or another strand turns blonde. Whatever. It doesn’t really matter.

    Nothing matters.

    Nothing except for what he wants.

    Nothing except for whatever mental or physical torture or humiliation entertains him from one day to the next.

    This is my life now.

    And there’s nothing I can do about it…

    1. Oof. This one hits right in the gut. I think many people can relate to the thought of hating certain (or all) parts of your body and wishing you could change it. This story really accentuates that well and how having those desires met might not be exactly what you want, especially when it comes at the price of servitude.

      I have a theory as to who the “he” is. I’m probably wrong, but this feels like a pretty good origin story for Alex. The person next to the narrator certainly has the leanings I see in him. Someone, who likes to own and control people. Someone with manipulative tendencies, even. Like I said, I do expect being wrong. Not every bad guy is Alex. But still, it’s something I noticed.

      Well written!

      1. Lol well you COULD be wrong but you are not! The narrator is Daisy and ‘he’ is 100% Alex. I just felt it actually came across more powerful without naming him. Like even in her mind, she sees him as this being she dare not say by name.

    2. Have you tried kicking him in the balls?

      Woof! What a read.

      It’s put very clearly that the strand of blonde hair is what’s left of their individuality. Constantly reminding them of something they’ll never have again. I don’t know if they’ll find a way to fight back, especially since it’s supernatural. But even then I’m sure there’s some supernatural way to cancel this supernatural curse, and cancel this Elen Degeneres with bat wings.

      I was wondering what happened to Jasmine, but then it hit me why the story started that way. The demon is looking for a new toy. Who knows what’s going to happen to the viewpoint character. Are they going to be thrown away, as in killed? Locked up? Abandoned? Kept by his side because this demon is possessive even of his old toys?

      This gets darker the more I think about it. But that’s what makes this good!

      Take my like.😀 Not my soul, my like.

      1. You saw it! You all saw it! The soul was offered! No take backsies! My soul now!

        Lol but funnily enough though, there is a story where a character offers to kick Alex in the balls. But if they don’t have the strength to back it up, it wouldn’t do the damage you’d expect.

        You’re right on point about Jasmine though. She is fully the next target and Alex will simply… throw away Daisy after a while.

        I’m really glad you liked it so much! Thanks for the review!

    3. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That was a very engaging read! I really liked how you expressed both the sentiment of discomfort with one’s own body… and then the sentiment of lack of control and manipulation by another. Those were very well conveyed, and it was quite remarkable how both are described as awful experiences, but they are in contrast with each other as well.

      And I’m not sure if this is part of something larger, but it works really well as a stand alone piece, by sheer force of the feelings in there and their description. Great work here!

      1. Lol its one of those situations where, she was critical of how she looked, and then she was changed by Alex, so that when she does ‘eventually’ turn back to her original self, all those ‘flaws’ are still there but they’re hers so she doesn’t see them as flaws anymore.

        And this is definitely part of a bigger world, so I’m always happy when it can come across really well as a standalone. Thank you so much!

    4. Honestly, Alex’s display of power or whatever was pretty tame. I guess it doesn’t help someone submit to being your thrall if you prove you’re a demon by having their friend break their own finger or something.

      Curious just how far into things this is…not that it matters. We know where this is going. But now I know more about her appearance than I ever thought I would. … I can’t tell if she was made “perfect” or “average” though. (which scientifically is the same thing) But uh… yeah. Black hair, gold eyes. I’ll try to remember that.

      Actually yes. I do want to know where this takes place. Cause this DOES take place before Matt, right? So there could be additional changes to her appearance later?

      1. Lol you aren’t wrong. I don’t usually get to go into appearance, especially in this much depth. As for the timeline though, this is pretty early on. When Daisy is remembering the strand of hair being changed black, that was probably her first or second whole day being a thrall.

        And when she has the one blonde strand to taunt her, that’s a couple weeks later when she’s pretty much fully enthralled and about to chow down on the town.

        So this is before Will, much less Matt. As for the why of the specific changes, she’s being changed to match Alex’s preferences. So when Daisy becomes a thrall, she goes through a couple of cosmetic changes, meanwhile Jasmine stays pretty much the same, because he already liked how she looked.

        What’s interesting is in the original, I had Daisy turn back to her original appearance as soon as she became Will’s thrall. But I don’t know. Maybe she won’t look like herself again until Matt frees her from being a thrall at all.

    5. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      A really interesting exploration into being a demon’s thrall. I’d never considered this before. It’s actually quite fascinating about how the demon actually “fixes” many of the narrator’s “flaws” only for that very act of having those flaws fixed turn into being only a re-emphasis of how little control over his own life and body he has. It’s very much in the vein of twisted genie wishes type thing. The story really captures the narrator’s sense of despair and loss over himself and his own body to the whims of a demon.

      As a side note, I’m actually rather curious about how you came up with this scenario, as I find it really interesting as a horror writer myself.

      1. Lol how did I come up with it? Basically, I just really like corruption stories(and redemption arcs) and I wanted there to be a physical representation of Daisy(the protagonist)’s loss of control with her looking completely different by the time she stops fighting it. And I wanted that initial realization of how much control Alex has over her to be terrifying to point that “fixing” the flaws in itself was horrifying.

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