Writing Group: Celestial Waltz (PRIVATE)

Hello, Falling Stars and Glittering Goddesses!

May I have this dance, my dear? I do hope you have a good sense of rhythm and balance, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Celestial Waltz

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

This prompt may evoke the imagery of the planets spinning in the sky above, surrounded by the myriad of stars glinting from within the depths of space. One could compare this cosmic cycle to a group of people pirouetting.

Or maybe you are more likely to think of a court of gods: a whole pantheon of celestial beings who dance and celebrate with unearthly splendor and plenty, wearing dresses spun of moonlight, and suits woven from dragon’s breath. I am sure any celebration of the gods is worth talking about.

Gods aren’t the only celestial beings. You could have angels attending a ball, spinning around and around to form stars. Perhaps the demons below hear the music, and long to join…but can only burn in the dark. You could even have the righteous spirits of the dead welcoming someone who recently died to paradise with a big dance. Maybe, in the world below, holy believers worship with a large festival by dancing while holding torches to simulate the stars in the heavens.

Perhaps you could tell a story about celebrities; how their reputations reach celestial heights, (whether through good or bad coverage), and many speculate how long their “waltz” in the spotlight will last.

But it doesn’t need to be a metaphor for gods or celebrities. It could just be the story of two lovers dancing under the light of the stars; hand in hand, maybe this simple dance could be all they ever wanted or imagined, and that would be enough.

Whether you go with gods, planets, or ordinary humans, try and think of what makes your waltz ‘celestial’. Also, any sort of dance will do to fulfill the prompt, but bonus points if you can somehow make it clear in your story your dance is a waltz!

As a challenge, pick a waltz from Youtube and try to write your story along with it! If you find one that fits, share the link in general-media, and/or writing-group (the private chat)!

 A second potential challenge I have for you is to make your story this week a sequel to your story last week. The moon in a jar certainly fits with the celestial theme, and I could see how some of last week’s stories could be continued with this week’s prompt. 

Now, Maestro, tell the orchestra it’s time to raise their instruments! As for you, my dear, put on your dancing shoes. We have a masterpiece to perform, don’t we? Why should the stars and planets have all the fun?

—Paul, Pearce, Felicia, and Kaylie

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least five stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Use two paragraph breaks between each paragraph so that they have a proper space between them (press “enter” or “return” twice).
    6. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
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  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new; no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Be constructive and uplifting. These submissions are not for a professional market, and shouldn’t be treated as such. We do this, first and foremost, for the joy of the craft. Help other writers to feel like their work is valuable, and be considerate and gentle with critique when you offer it. Authors who leave particularly abrasive or disheartening remarks on this post will be disqualified from selection for readings.
    6. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    7. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    8. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

54 responses to “Writing Group: Celestial Waltz (PRIVATE)”

  1. jesse fisher Avatar
    jesse fisher

    Head Space
    by Jesse Fisher

    I could feel the world around me just move, I could read the speed that I was traveling. Yet looking out, everything was too big to judge how far I traveled. I wonder how it will feel to just forgo the protection and just drift in the void of the vastness of space. To be like what was once me, yet not me.

    To float out there, to never age, and be in a state of solid and unchanging. A floating history of a life once there now frozen in time. That is if a number of other factors don’t cause some form of dysfunction like being exploded. Maybe just letting a little air out and slowly going out as everything would fit nicely into this world.

    Thoughts kept flowing on the beauty around me, the untouch wilds of the universe all beyond my reach.

    “Station arrival in ti minus sixty seconds.”

    That shook me out of my mindset. Looking out to the station now as it loomed, that started to make me question what my mind was doing. I loved space but not that much, I wished to dance among the stars but not to just be a floating debris.

    “Watch your step as the artificial gravity will be down for repair.”

    The rest of the pod began to move and secure their items as we got closer to the dock. My head started to pound as if my mind was trying to burst out. I called for the attendant for some medical treatment.

  2. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “Dancing Around the Suns”
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane

    The golden and pearl ballroom glittered in the electric light of the crystal chandeliers. The heels of the gentlemen and women clicked against the whitewashed marble floor as they swirled in lazy circles. Left of the door was a large alcove occupied by chamber musicians halfway through a mid tempo piece. To the right, servants and guests swarmed back and forth from a bar set with hors d’oeuvres and a variety of expensive alcohol.

    I hoisted my heavy skirt and tried not to spend much time dwelling on the room layout. The less suspicion I drew, the better. These Frusian balls usually had thirteen dances and I was not getting caught during the first dance. But first I needed to get the sacred prince consort and the sovereign queen in my sights.

    I walked towards the wall where the more shy socialites waited and watched the dancers. It wasn’t too long before I saw them: two radiant suns of sapphires, aquamarines, and labradorites in the midst of circling reds, yellows, oranges and whites. They were cheek to cheek, the mighty undine queen nuzzling into her husband’s neck as they danced in the center of the floor.

    A fire stirred in my belly. If the rumor was true, I witnessed guiltless bliss. I fought my emotions down. There was no proof yet. And if they were innocent, the Heptadeka forgive me. I hated the Frusian queen with all my heart at that moment.

    That’s when a gruff hand slid onto my right shoulder. I turned and looked. A fylgia in all black met my gaze.

    “Pardon me, miss,” he said, “I was wondering if you had any room in your dance card for me.”

    I did my best to keep my composure, but the “dance card” was throwing me. I tried to stall but he stopped me before I could speak.

    “Miss, would you kindly accompany me to the far corner?”

    This was bad. The final movement was coming up. I was going to lose sight of the royals!

    “Why?”

    The fylgia’s face grew hard. “Our queen is an assassination target.”

    1. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
      Dagmar Makara (dystop)

      Simply outstanding. You are a true wordsmith. Needless to say the twist at the end was amazing – but I loved the entire story. You have a serious ability for elaborate, beautiful descriptions and creating a certain atmosphere. Speaking of atmosphere, it really changes with that single line “the less suspicion I drew, the better” – up until then it seemed quite innocuous. I have no criticisms, only that I’d definitely like to hear more from this story : p

  3. Dodging Pirates
    By MasaCur

    “Bogies on our six and seven!” Myrgen called out, as he charged up the ship’s turret. Rydia had already taken evasive actions, flying the scout ship into a hard dive.

    Pirates! Not a common occurrence through most of known space, but a Federation Scout ship would be required to map out unexplored regions. Regions where the more nefarious would often hide.

    “Seriously, it’s not like we have anything valuable on our ship, though,” Myrgen tried to say, as Rydia banked hard to the right, throwing Myrgen into his restraints. “Why would they come after us?”

    “Don’t know, don’t care!” Rydia was a total moron most of the time. However, when it came to navigation and piloting, she was a maestro. With her hands at the controls, she could make a ship dance.

    Much like it was doing right now. So much so, that Myrgen was having a hard time trying to lock onto the pirate fighters on their tail. At least they were having just as hard a time aiming up on Myrgen and Rydia.

    “There’s a nebula about six stellar units from here. I’m going to go see if I can lose them!” Rydia announced, practically laughing as she weaved the ship through space. “Prepare for a micro-jump!”

    “What, no! That’s insane! You’ll kill us!”

    Rydia blew a raspberry, then engaged the jump drive. The ship lurched forward, then just as suddenly decelerated back to cruising speeds as Myrgen saw the nebula fill the forward viewport.

    Rydia dived in, making the ship drift back and forth, pirouetting before sending them into another dive, followed by a hard climb. The pirates in pursuit also jumped to the edge of the nebula, and flew in with equal abandon.

    One of them was not nearly as successful as the others, as his ship got caught in a pocket of a nebula storm, and immediately exploded.

    Rydia was still cackling as she swooped further into the nebula, far too fast and elusive to let the pirates catch up.

    1. I’m guessing the wordcount limit forced you to stop this story a bit dead in its tracks there, I miss a proper resolution here. The entire scenario was very fun to imagine in my mind (even if I think that specifically noting how the ship would look “like a dancer” was a bit on-the-nose with the prompt) and was reminiscent of the more interesting dog fights in Star Wars, to me.

      But the sudden ending where we’re just told that the surviving pirates couldn’t catch up, instead of showing it, does throw a bit of a wrench into things. An understandable wrench, since… again, wordcount, but I’d love to see a more complete version of this dogfight!

    2. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      I was not expecting space pirates. I’m a sucker for these kinds of stories. This is like Star Trek meets Treasure Planet and I am here for it. I do think the action could have a bit more engaging, but other than that this is a strong piece. I really liked it. Good job!

  4. Bear the Right Stars (It’s Always Sunny in Olympus)
    by Alexsander Edwards

    “Mommy? What is that in the sky?”

    The woman looked up to see the night sky adorned by a myriad of stars, moving around the cosmos as a new constellation slowly took shape.

    “I-,” she stuttered. “Is that a donkey riding a unicycle?”

    The two kept staring in bafflement as another set of stars moved around to form a message in the skies. ‘Stop this crap right now!’ they said.

    “Mommy, are the stars talking to us?”

    “I don’t-”

    Before the woman could finish her sentence, a different set of stars danced in the sky until they formed their own message: ‘It’s funny, though!’

    The initial set of words rearranged themselves in response. ‘We agreed we’d honor her, not mock her, you prick!’

    ‘Okay, fine,’ the other constellation said as the stars forming the donkey rearranged themselves.

    “Mommy, is that-”

    “Yes,” the woman sighed, “I think that’s a snail wielding a bow…”

    ‘How dare you!’ a set of stars said.

    ‘Come on, have a laugh!’

    ‘You motherf-’

    The woman covered the child’s eyes before the message could finish.

    “What did they say, mommy?”

    “They said ‘you mother-lover’, Georgios.”

    “But I thought I saw an F-”

    “They. Said. Mother. Lover,” she hastily replied, holding her medallion of Artemis as the animal constellation above formed into the shape of a bear

    ‘Okay, that’s at least acceptable,’ one of the constellations said.

    As the heavens quieted down and the messages dissipated into the regular night sky, the mother took her hand off the child’s face, who looked in awe at the starry bear.

    Until a top hat suddenly appeared on its head.

    ‘Oh, you cu-’

    “What did they say?” the child asked, its eyes once again covered.

    “Callisto! THEY SAID CALLISTO!”

    1. This is hilarious, Eddy. I love this series you’ve been writing. The idea of multiple groups of stars either forming stupid, amusing constellations to mock legendary figures, while others put them on blast for their trollish choices was great. Even better to have a mother and her small child watch this happening. I really enjoyed reading this, thank you.

    2. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Messing with constellations sounds fun and also not fun for stars. I assume the two talking in the story are Callisto and Arcas? That’s not 100% clear until the end. Also, I see Zeus is being a troll as much as ever. If I had any criticism, it’s that if you don’t know the myth of the formation of Ursa Major you are lost. Other than that, good job. This was very funny.

  5. Skeleton Avatar
    Skeleton

    Misplaced Debris (The Will)
    By Skeleton

    It had annihilated three of Orlunae’s elite guard—nay, the figure had toyed with them until their mechanical, perfect nature failed them. Nobody could stand against her brother, she knew that firsthand. And yet the way it moved—the way it danced around them as if it was nothing more than some game… her brother was never that playful.

    The Woman in White protected the unconscious body of the Sufferer’s protégé, watching the figure contort and stretch the body that had been meant for him. Looking up to the sky, the unknown variable recoiled in disgust. “What the fuck is that?!” it lamented, motioning towards Orlunae’s relatively new orbiting satellite. “Is that sediment from the bottom of the ocean?! MY ocean?!”

    “It’s debris from a inviolium bomb,” the Woman in White said, standing now and stepping over the body of the dragoness. “With a liveable, gooey core of all the core essences of our disobedient creations.”

    “It’s called a rhetorical question, sis,” the unknown said with a flamboyant twirl of his black clothes. “What I really want to know is how our little, conniving Orlunae thought it was a good idea to disregard my direct orders: no new celestial bodies! How hard is that?!”

    The Woman in White stopped, hesitating in her assumptions. “…you are not my brother,” she reasoned. “He was never so—”

    “Lively? Emotional?” The man smiled deviously—playfully, swaying his shoulders from side to side as he approached. The curved blade in his hands broke in two, liquidating into something like ink and forming into her brother’s favorite weapons: high-velocity lead launchers. “Well… he never liked me anyways, so he cut me loose and threw me into the queue. You know how it is with him.”

    At the sight of his endearing, awaiting smile as he pointed both of his guns at her, the Woman in White, couldn’t help but smile in nostalgia as she readied her own. “I certainly know how it was, and you won’t be winning again. You’re only a fraction of your original power!”

    “Oh sweetheart… a fraction of infinity is still infinity. Now… Let’s dance!”

    1. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Oooh fascinating!!
      I didn’t know the Woman in White would be a crucial character! And/or that she’s a goddess. Or, at least, that’s how it seems. This seems like a very important part of the story.
      I really like how you portray the “brother.” He’s so dynamic, confrontational and evil-seeming, it’s very engaging to read about him.

      “Nay, the figure had toyed with them until their mechanical, perfect nature failed them.”
      –This is a fascinating and terrifying idea. That someone could break something, not by directly breaking it, but by getting it’s very nature (a supposedly good thing) to fail them. I feel like this character probably likes to do this to living people too…

      “Nobody could stand against her brother, she knew that firsthand. And yet the way it moved—the way it danced around them as if it was nothing more than some game… her brother was never that playful.”
      –I like this description.

      “It’s called a rhetorical question, sis,” the unknown said with a flamboyant twirl of his black clothes.”
      –This is fun

      “The curved blade in his hands broke in two, liquidating into something like ink a”
      –Very neat and intriguing description

      “Oh sweetheart… a fraction of infinity is still infinity.”
      –I adore this. I actually use this idea in my story too! I’m very much a fan of the concept, and it’s such a badass way to end the piece.

      ~~…I guess I really did put it well when I said I loved reading about the “brother,” all my favorite lines are his! XD~~

      My critique, however, is…well…the same as always: I feel the story is more confusing and difficult to follow than it needs to be. But, honestly, in a lot of places I don’t think it would be difficult to fix. It’s just things like pronouns and extra unnecessary information:

      “The Woman in White protected the unconscious body of the Sufferer’s protégé,”
      –The pronouns and descriptions I think make this more confusing than it needs to be. “The Woman in White protected Zaila’s unconscious body” I think would flow much better.

      “watching the figure contort and stretch the body that had been meant for him.”
      –Who is “him”? The Sufferer, the brother, or the unknown entity? What does it mean “the body meant for him”? Why do we need to know that info?

      “Looking up to the sky, the unknown variable recoiled in disgust.”
      –You haven’t yet established this is for sure not her brother, and calling a living being an “unknown variable” makes me feel more lost than I think I need to be. It’s unclear on if this is a new character being introduced.
      Something like “the thing that might be her brother recoiled in disgust” I think would be clearer. I’m sure there’s a better phrasing than that, but something that harkens more clearly to how we were introduced to this being (ie that it may or may not be her brother) would be helpful.

      “What the fuck is that?!” it lamented, motioning towards Orlunae’s relatively new orbiting satellite. “Is that sediment from the bottom of the ocean?! MY ocean?!”
      –We don’t know who or what Orlunae is at this point (and I honestly don’t feel like I ever know). When we learn he’s referring to a celestial body…sediment from the bottom of the ocean isn’t something the mind (or at least my mind) goes to, so it proves a very confusing question. Only made more so by the “my” qualifier on ocean, that is unexplained.
      (Though, to be fair, the “my” qualifier is, in some ways, helpful because it shows this being is something of a god).
      I think simply leaving it as “What the fuck is that?!” it lamented, motioning towards Orlunae’s relatively new orbiting satellite.” would be perfectly clear. While in the novel I’m sure it’d make sense, in a short story we don’t need to know anything more than it being a satellite.

      “With a liveable, gooey core of all the core essences of our disobedient creations.”
      –…I honestly really can’t parse this line. Is she saying people live in the center of the satellite? Is she saying that she punishes disobedient creations by sticking them there? But if that’s so…are they living or dead? Why is it gooey? Is it like just flesh amalgamated into a core? *Shudders* I really don’t know what’s going on there.
      Similarly to my previous critique, I actually think removing it would help make the story clearer:
      “It’s debris from a bomb,” the Woman in White said, standing now and stepping over the body of the dragoness. “With a–”
      “It’s called a rhetorical question, sis”
      All we need to know is it’s a satellite made from a bomb’s debris (if that). Adding more info is unnecessary to understanding this story, and in fact makes the story more difficult to understand.

      I’m really happy you were able to post this week!! Thanks for the great and intriguing story!!

    2. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      The whole feel of this piece is so on point for me. The lady in white being our point of view is interesting as she knows more then us and is ready for this man with a set of guns. I mean the fact a celestial body was made from the last fight feeds into that last line and it fits so perfect.

      I loved it and the whole fight started in my head after I finished the story.

  6. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    Ice Waltz Memoria (Amelia)
    by Lee Strangely

    Even though the cave shielded little Dumas from the elements, it was still just as cold, if not colder than it was out there. The harsh frigid air burned his lungs. It was a mistake to have wandered this far, but by now the weather made any return all but impossible. Yes, the cave provided shelter, but honestly, it wasn’t entirely what drew him there…

    It was faint; the clinking, and tinging, like the sound of glasses touching and rubbing up against one another. It echoed through the icy cave, and grew more prevalent the further in he went.

    As close as he was getting to the noise, he immediately froze when movement crossed the edge of his vision. Just around the corner, it looked like the cave ceiling opened up. Some sunlight slipped through, but the large snowdrifts and ice sheets above kept nearly everything else out. In the light he could see them glistening, two little objects.

    Clink, tink, tink.

    They looked sort of like, little glass people.

    Clink, tink, tink.

    Step by step, they slowly spun themselves in an embrace along the frozen floor. Leaning out a little further he was startled to see a woman laying against the wall, relatively close to him. Thankfully, she wasn’t facing him, but to the ice figures.

    Seemingly by the wave of her hand, the light began to dim. Dumas looked up and was astonished as the ice over him began to thicken. The slivers of sunlight gradually shrank into smaller dots. Looking back at the figures, they continued to dance under faux starlight.

    Dumas jumped and nearly fled when the woman suddenly turned her head, but thankfully still didn’t see him. A layer of frost surrounded her watering eyes. As another tear prepared to trickle down, she immediately wiped it away, casting it into the air. The teardrop froze instantly, before shattering like glass upon hitting the ground.

    He gasped.

    The figures stopped.

    1. vellichorian Avatar
      vellichorian

      I particularly enjoyed the imagery and sensory details you used in this piece — the feel of the cold in Dumas’s lungs, the sounds, and the shattering teardrops. I can understand why the cave fascinated Dumas.

      I was a little confused about the little glass people. Are they living creatures, or are they the woman’s magical constructs? I can see either making sense, and I’m not sure that it actually matters in the context of the story, but it wasn’t quite clear to me.

  7. vellichorian Avatar
    vellichorian

    Night Terrors, part 2
    By vellichorian

    “Hey! Are you OK?”

    The woman’s voice sounded far away, but her insistent tapping on Randy’s cheek felt much closer, bringing him back to consciousness.

    “Smoff blub!” Randy said, swatting her hand away from his face. He’d meant to say, “Stop that!”

    “Come on. Wake up!” she insisted, shaking his shoulder. “Please?” Her voice cracked on the last word.

    Randy’s eyes fluttered open. The face hovering above him was pretty, but the woman’s mascara had run, and her lipstick was smeared. Her short dress looked like a disco ball, and Randy put a hand over his eyes to shield them from the glare.

    “Who are you?” he mumbled.

    “Shauna. With a ‘U,’” she answered. “Who are you?”

    “Randy,” he answered. Because he felt like his name wasn’t enough, he added, “with a ‘Y.’”

    “Do you know where we are? The last thing I remember is leaving the club. I but I didn’t have that much to drink…” she trailed off, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.

    Randy felt the grass with his hand and looked up toward the moon. No. Not the moon, he reminded himself. A spotlight. He remembered the giant eye and shuddered. “The last thing I remember was leaving work…” he pointed at the KFC logo on his shirt.

    “Are we safe? I heard you scream.”

    “I don’t know. It just… lifted me up. Right out of the parking lot.”

    “What?”

    “The eye.”

    “The what?”

    A speaker crackled nearby. The sound of an acoustic guitar played, followed by Andy Williams’s voice, “Moon river, wider than a mile…” Before Randy could respond, the eye reappeared next to the glass wall surrounding the little park where they sat.

    Shauna screamed and dove behind Randy. Next to the eye, a purplish tentacle tapped the glass. It made a swirling motion in the air.

    “What is it? What does it want?” Shauna whispered.

    Randy shook his head.

    The tentacle repeated its motions. The music continued playing.

    “I think… I think it wants us to dance,” Randy answered.

    1. jesse fisher Avatar
      jesse fisher

      Oh, now we have a good thing going on here. The fact the alien grabbed another person makes me more interested. At first I wondered what the music was for, then the tapping and the prompt kicked in. All in all loved it and look forward to more of this tale.

  8. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    Penitent Monsters (The Ballad of the Monsters: Savion)
    By i-prefer-the-term-antihero (Kaylie Hatch)

    The wood creaked as I leaned back. “So…do I have to start confessing right away?”

    A pause. “This IS a confession booth.”

    “Yeah, but.” I shifted uncomfortably. “Can we talk first?”

    “The pews are perfectly good for that, you know.”

    “I’m…comfy.” 

    I wasn’t. But at least he couldn’t see my face.

    “What are your questions, my child?”

    I shifted more uncomfortably. “Oh no, we’re not there yet.” I wrung my hands. “If God is real…are we all just pawns on a cosmic chessboard? Is my life a joke to Him?”

    “No. You are precious in His sight. He cares for you as His child.”

    A laugh barked out of me. “You don’t know me. I’m something of a monster.”

    “I know you’re here. Surely that counts for something.”

    Sure. Mainly the guilt trudging through my veins. 

    I could still feel the blood on my hands. 

    “I sacrificed…everything, to be what others wanted me to be.” I traced my palm. “But it made my life hell.”

    “Why did you do it?”

    “Because they need it. Supposedly I need it too.”

    “Sacrificing to help others pleases God.”

    “So my desires, my happiness, don’t matter?”

    “If you chose this, you must’ve desired helping others more than what you gave up.”

    I covered my mouth. “You’re wrong,” I whispered. “What’s become of me…it’s the perfect punishment.”

    “God didn’t plan your pain to punish you.”

    “Well He doesn’t seem to care that I’m fucking miserable all the time!”

    A pause.

    “…I confess I swore at a priest.”

    He laughed. “He cares. More than you know. I have a better image for you; think of it more as a celestial waltz. God is love. He can be love because He is three. Before time, the Father, the Son, and the Spirit danced together. A dance of knowing and being known. Loving and being loved. God wants us to join in this dance.”

    I thought of the dance Thomas Verian invited me to. 

    I could still feel the blood on my hands. 

    “I don’t think He’d want me there.”

    “He wants everyone there.”

    “Even sinners?”

    “Especially sinners.”

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      Oh I love these interactions. The dialogue is witty and fun, painting very distinct pictures of the both characters. It was all gripping, funny, and towards the end quite wholesome. It’s very interesting how the actions and thoughts play out along with the dialogue, such as moments like the “I’m comfy” line where you see the character showing they secretly want to be their while at the same time saying otherwise in almost sarcastic fashion to cover it up. Sorry to say, but I have no critiques for this one. This was very well written. Fantastic Job!

    2. Firstly I’d like to say that the swearing confession line has cracked me up everytime I’ve read it lol. Well done.

      I also really like this Priest. You can tell his patience as he’s talking to Savion and I like that you can almost see him adjusting how he’d normally talk with one of the people from the church and trying to meet Savion at his level to use a mixture of logic and faith to get his point across.

      This kind of puts me in the mind of Man of Steel when Superman was talking to the Priest. Though I’d say your Priest handled it better lol but he also didn’t know it was Savion he was talking to so its not really a fair comparison. But it is always very interesting to see people you’d never expect to turn to religion even if its just to get answers from someone who should have them.

      That said, this was a very entertaining read and the use of the prompt near the end was very powerful and poetic. It works very well.

      This comes across as something of a therapy session and a successful one, judging from the ending. Whether Savion comes back or not, he knows he’s welcome. I love the last line.

      Great take on the prompt!

    3. Okay, so I know you always put next to the title who the POV character is, but for some reason I never remember to read that part. But even still, I could tell this was Savion almost as soon as he started talking, even without you ever outright saying it. The characterization within the dialogue was strong enough that I could tell who was talking, which was great. I really enjoyed the back and forth between him and the priest, too. It felt natural, and I liked that you worked in that little bit of humour in the middle. It helped to prevent the piece from being just a little bit too heavy. Great job!

    4. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      I’m so interested in what brought Savion to talk to this priest. He seems not to be very religious and doesn’t know how confession works, but also seems to have at least some religious foundation that he believes in God, at least enough to be mad at him and enough to seek out answers to the questions plaguing his mind to try to make sense of things.

      My main critique here is the line where the priest asks what questions Savion has, and he responds that they aren’t there yet, but then immediately asks a question? I might be missing something, but that was the only spot where the dialogue felt a little clunky to me.

      I loved the line where he confesses he swore at a priest. Although, I would defend him that he swore in front of a priest and not exactly at him. Still a good break from the heavier stuff around it.

      I have very complicated feelings regarding confession in general. But I think if more priests were like the one you show here, things would be better.

    5. Really awesome story, Kaylie. As per usual, Savion’s struggles are the forefront of this story. I like that he dives into religion here. It speaks of a desperation because he’s never been shown to be religious before, although, that doesn’t mean he’s not particularly religious. I do like that he is seeking other avenues for answers instead of simply wallowing in the tragedy that he sees his life as.

      The priest is also much appreciated. He does not speak an absolutes, but he speaks with faith, and that is very admirable. I like how you work the prompt. I love that it speaks of inclusivity, and I really like how pain is handled here. The intent of pain is not meant to suffer but to teach.

      I know it’s been a while since I’ve read your stories, but I’m very glad that I read this one. I’m happy that you wrote this one. Savion has some of the most intensive and intricate inner struggles of all of your characters, and while I enjoy all of the characters you’ve shown so far, Savion is my favorite of your characters. Peter is a close second.

      I am super excited to see what you post next time. Thank you so very much for sharing this one.

  9. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
    Dagmar Makara (dystop)

    Starlight Songbirds
    by Dagmar Makara (dystop)

    Fate had long ordained this orchestral incandescence in the deep, deep twilight.

    The scientists below clinically remarked that E208 would collapse into the supermassive black-hole. But in the unfathomable dark, 62 miles high, the universe itself played ethereal violins and cellos in a symphony of love and fate. This wasn’t clinical; instead, it was the final resplendent waltz of two starlight songbirds.

    The universe wished it could tell those below that this was not a sad occasion, but knew its place, and not to interfere.

    The nebulas and galaxies of E208 swirled playfully around the black-hole, back and forth like so many dancing humans below. The nearby starlights gathered and watched, and with them sounded out their own bright charms and melodies. They too would one day perform the transformation-waltz.

    Some took pity on the humans who believed they were watching loss, rather than a beautiful and amorous entanglement. The two would become one. They would all become one in the end. The fantastical knot of the celestial waltz- all is starlight, and all starlight is one. The universe was a canvas that swirled like tidal watercolours on an artist’s page.

    As cosmic crescendos go, this one was magnificent.

    The two swayed gracefully in front of their audience of red and white dwarves. Blazing blue stars joined the gathering crowd, shimmering the couple like diamonds; their glittering sparks dancing around.

    The violins marched dutifully- from dulcet, mellifluous tones, honeyed symphonies, and finally– the grand conclusion. Surrounded by friends known for eons, their eyes lit up with excitement only a true celestial could comprehend. Fate was a long time in the making– but destiny is destiny, and the two always knew that.

    “Those last few notes were played… perfectly”.

    Suddenly, a blinding flash in the sky as E208 disappeared from the night.

    “Time of extinction, 22:36”, said the lead Cosmologist. “Record it and get some sleep”.

    But somewhere beyond the event horizon, those starlight songbirds had finally become one.

    E208 petitioned the Universe; “Please, tell them– this is love, not loss”.

    “We don’t interfere, you know that”, replied the Universe.

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      Sound is something that can be difficult to implement in writing (and even harder visually in something like a comic), but here you’ve done a pretty good job putting a beautiful ethereal idea into words. Honestly all the descriptions here in general do a great job painting a vast and extravagant picture of the cosmos. My only critique for this would be the end portion where E208 talks with the universe. As interesting as the idea is, compared to the rest of the piece, the transition between the cosmologists and the then the celestial bodies themselves talking is a little jarring. Overall though, I think you’ve a great with this!

      1. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
        Dagmar Makara (dystop)

        Thanks 🙂 You do have a point, I did want to convey the different perspectives less jarringly but wordcount was an unfortunate speed-demon here 😛

    2. This was a really beautiful piece! I like that you framed the collision of two celestial bodies as an act of love, rather than a simple force of the universe. Your descriptions of things were absolutely on point as well. I felt like you painted a very vivid picture of the scene and the setting around it. All in all this was a very enjoyable read, thank you for sharing it!

      1. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
        Dagmar Makara (dystop)

        Thanks!

    3. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      Your descriptions here are simply stunning! I love all the music references as they really tie the senses into this piece (and gave me like, opening of 2001 A Space Odyssey vibes). My favorite line was, “The universe was a canvas that swirled like tidal watercolours.”

      I love the way you frame this both as fate but also not as loss. Fate is often presented as something to fight against, something to try to avoid but here the end is presented as beautiful and embraced for the change that it is.

      I enjoyed the idea of the other stars watching and you described them in such interesting ways. The weak point to me was the human observers. I get that they were there to show a different view (one of loss vs beauty and connection) but I just wanted more of everything else.

      A very interesting piece, thanks so much for sharing!

      1. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
        Dagmar Makara (dystop)

        Thanks! That was very kind 🙂

  10. A Glimpse into Dreams
    by Gerrit (Rattus)

    Raela sped through the asteroid belt, weaving between the boulders with a measured recklessness. Chunks of rock—the largest wide enough to safely land on—whizzed by in blurs as she shot through the expanse.

    “How’s it feel?” Calras’s voice sounded directly in her ear as he kept watch from the safety of the Control Centre.

    “It’s everything I’ve dreamed of.” Ever since she was little, Raela had thought of soaring through space. Many restless nights had been spent staring up at the stars, envisioning herself zipping between them.

    As she turned around a larger asteroid, she was met with a smaller stone whizzing directly at her. Instinct took over, her hands gripping the steering and tilting it hard to the side. Her shoulder pressed against the side of her seat as the craft rotated sideways, missing the oncoming debris by a hair’s breadth.

    “Is everything alright, Raela?” The concern in Calras’s voice was mild, but noticeable.

    “I’m fine. Caught off guard, that’s all.” Raela returned the craft to its previous position, taking a moment to adjust herself back into her seat.

    “Quick thinking, I’m impressed. System’s reporting no damage to the ship. Still, I’d rather you not do that again.”

    “Believe me, I’m not in a hurry to repeat it.” Raela’s heartbeat was still working to return to normal. Her first flight, and she already came so close to ruining her ship. What a story that would have made.

    After a few minutes of silence, she once more heard Calras speaking through the commlink. “Control wants you back. Reverse your course and head back to base, Raela.”

    Raela sighed. A part of her wanted to argue, to fight for a few more minutes. Then she remembered how many strings her and Calras had to pull to be approved for this joyride, and decided being difficult might not be the best course of action.

    With a final look at the stars spread out before her, her dreams twinkling in the surrounding void, Raela pulled her ship up out of the asteroid belt and set her course for home.

    1. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
      Dagmar Makara (dystop)

      I absolutely love the sense of adventure in this one. The immediacy of the action… the opening is great. I smiled when I read about the strings being pulled to commission the joyride haha, would love to hear a longer story about these characters – what they do in their jobs as opposed to their fun. You’ve managed to capture quite a lot in quite a few words which is also very impressive 🙂

    2. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      This is so fun!! It can sometimes be difficult to get truly lost in our short tf stories, but I really lost myself to this one!

      I like how you used asteroids/debris. That’s the quintessential impossible-to-fly-through space thing, and her doing so on a joyride gives the story a very interesting and fun tone. And of course it’s a cool use of the prompt.

      I also liked the reveal that it was a joyride itself. I definitely thought this was some sort of mission, so that was kind of a fun twist, and made it seem even more like a dance.

      The idea of “measured recklessness” is fun. Because, if it’s measured, is it truly reckless?

      I don’t have a lot of specifics to comment on this week, but I thought this was a fun story!!

    3. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      Letting someone have their first flight in an asteroid belt is a huge show of trust! Really shows a lot about the relationship between these two, even before we get to the revelation that this entire flight was only the result of a lot of pulled strings. You do a lot with so little here to build their relationship.

      It’s also very telling that at the end she can pull up out of the belt, showing that flying through it was entirely a choice, and not a choice anyone back at Control seems to be calling her on. But she seems to have the skills to back up her “measured recklessness” (I feel that sums up the test pilot mindset right there).

      This is one of those stories I want to turn the page and keep reading on about these characters. So much fun! Thanks for sharing!

  11. VulpesRose Avatar
    VulpesRose

    Dance of Eternity
    by VulpesRose

    The Dance continued as it had for eons. The twelve took their places, two dancers at a time, the pattern predetermined and immutable. It was said that their very dance held up the dome of the sky.

    Scorpio twirled on the dance floor, her blue gown spinning with steps memorized by endless repetition. Her partner, Libra, held her securely, but as always, it wasn’t enough.

    As their sequence came to its close, he handed her off to Sagittarius. Sagittarius’s steps were more playful, their dance a bit more fun than the measured one she shared with Libra, but there was still something missing. Something Scorpio longed for more and more with each repetition of the Dance.

    Soon, she would hand Sagittarius off to Capricorn, stunning in her green dress, and Scorpio would feel the pull, as she so often did, to take Capricorn’s proffered hand herself.

    It began with secretive glimpses in Capricorn’s direction during other dancer’s turns. But once, Scorpio had risked a glance and been met with the intense gaze of Capricorn herself. Capricorn’s eyes had reflected a stunning curiosity and interest that mirrored her own.

    The Dance had continued. They remained in their places, but Scorpio and Capricorn spoke with little smiles and soulful looks, more than words could ever convey between them.

    And now, it was time again. Time to release Sagittarius into Capricorn’s care.

    Scorpio was tired of waiting, was tired of losing time, was tired of being unsatisfied with the endless repetitions they were asked to endure. It was time for change.

    She stepped in front of Sagittarius and held out her own hand to Capricorn. Muffled gasps sounded from around the room. But Capricorn grinned almost devilishly and grasped Scorpio’s hand in hers.

    The two spun on the dancefloor, a new dance, an impromptu creation the likes of which hadn’t been seen for close to an eternity. They smiled, and the passion that filled Scorpio as she held her partner filled her very soul with light.

    The dome above them began to crack, and through the cracks, the stars themselves began to shine.

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      What a clever take on the prompt, Rose! I’m only vaguely familiar with the Greek Zodiac, but I understood enough to follow along with this story. The visual descriptions are incredibly beautiful! Is there a specific astronomy reason for Capricorn and Scorpio to have an unexpected dance? I feel like there’s layers to this story far beyond what I can see. Despite that, this story was awesome, Rose. Great job!

      1. VulpesRose Avatar
        VulpesRose

        The only strong reason I had is that it goes out of order. I have them dancing in the order the signs go in, round and round, so their main transgression is not following the prescribed order they’ve all been following for ages.

        I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the comments!

    2. Vulpes, this is such a beautiful story! I love that this could be an allegory for tradition and status quo. And with Scorpio and Capricorn dancing, it breaks that. The descriptions are breathtaking. Very vivid. It felt like I was there for the entire dance.

      I love how scandalous the two dancing together is. They have broken protocol, and they do not care. I also really enjoy that you paint them both as feminine. Very fun. I love how you mitigate stagnancy to create change. Not everyone is going to like these changes, and not everyone is going to agree with them, but changes are here, nonetheless. And if it had not been for their dance and the cracks in the dome above, then the stars would not be visible. Sometimes, it takes a little Earth moving to see the light.

      I truly want to know your inspiration behind the story besides the zodiac signs. Although, that is a fantastic way to integrate the prompt. The signs themselves are becoming involved, and eventually, the heavens themselves take notice.

      Another thing I really love is how you incorporate the attributes of the signs that you use. I am quite curious now about the other nine signs. But I do genuinely love that you choose to highlight Capricorn and Scorpio and even Sagittarius. It is an outstanding story, and I wish the word count were longer so we can get more of it. Did I mention that I’m ecstatic that you have returned to the writing group? Because I am. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this. I can’t wait to see what you post next time.

  12. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    A Moonlit Dance Lesson (Students of the DiamondBridge Academy universe)
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    “You don’t know how to dance?” Roselyn asked.

    “No?” Sam answered. “My oldest of my youngest sisters does ballet, but I never did—”

    “Not ballet. ACTUAL dancing. You can’t waltz, tango, swing, any of that?”

    “… No.”

    “Really?”

    “Not all of us grew up in a mansion, Roselyn.”

    “Oh. I suppose you make a valid point.”

    “Yeah.” Sam paused. “Isn’t waltzing, like, really difficult?”

    “Well, no. It’s actually quite simple. Here, stand here…”

    Roselyn positioned Sam parallel to herself, then directed the other girl’s eyes to the floor.

    “The waltz is a three-step, but it’s more of a six because there’s two sets of three.”

    “Uh, okay…” Sam was already lost.

    “Now copy my motions. Backwards, left, close.” Roselyn demonstrated the motion in four-inch heels that thudded on the carpeted floor.

    “Backwards, l-left, close?” Sam’s sneakers copied Roselyn’s movements.

    “Yes, exactly. Now forwards, right, close.”

    “Forwards, right?”

    “You moved the wrong foot first and now you’ve crossed your feet. Try again.”

    Sam reset her shoes. “F-forward, right, close.”

    “There you go. Now do the whole box again.”

    “Backwards, right, close, forward, left, close?”

    “Excellent! See? Waltzes aren’t difficult at all.”

    “If you say so…”

    “Now,” Roselyn squared up in front of Sam. “Try it with me.”

    “Wait, already?”

    “Because I’m taller in these heels than you and also because you don’t know what you’re doing, I’ll lead. Put your left hand on my shoulder.”

    “A-are you sure?”

    “Yes. That’s why I asked you to do it.”

    “No, are you sure that you’re taller than me?”

    Roselyn blinked, then looked her up and down. “Sam.”

    “What?”

    “You’re floating again.”

    Sam looked down. A beam of moonlight crossed across the carpet underneath Sam’s hovering sneakers.

    “Not again!”

    Roselyn burst out laughing as Sam struggled to get back on the ground, flailing in the air like a cat in water.

    “I’ll have to teach you in the daytime, then,” Roselyn said between giggles.

    “Can you please help me get down?!”

    1. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
      Dagmar Makara (dystop)

      This story is great because it manages to tell a story of two close people using pretty much only dialogue… you really get a sense for the kind of people Roselyn and Sam are – and the funny & magical twist at the end was excellent. And in spite of this, they’re both relatable characters. Very well written 🙂

    2. I know fuck-all about dancing, but this scene was still really neat and fun to follow. I *think* I managed to understand the movements being made, but, having zero interest in dancing, I have no fecking idea.

      The interactions between the two characters are lovely, though! It really feels like, in spite of the short length of the story, there’s more to these characters and that their relationship isn’t just a generic friendship created solely for the sake of the plot.

      Did make me chuckle that ballet was not “real dancing” when I live in a city with a Ballet Bolshoi school, though, gotta admit.

    3. This story was adorable. I love how awkward and cute Sam is at trying to learn to dance. The (I’m assuming) romantic tensions that she’s feeling toward Roselyn definitely are adding to it. I also love the idea that Sam literally starts floating in air as this happens (or at least in her case, unintentional moonbeam walking). The imagery of her “flailing in the air like a cat in water” is great. Thanks for this submision, Carrie.

    4. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      I just love magical powers that are not entirely under the users control. The idea of Sam flailing and trying to get back down was wonderfully humorous and really helped convey the youth of the characters.

      My only critique is that the description of the steps is different the last time when they put all the steps together. The right and left are switched. Super minor, and possibly intentional of Sam getting it switched around, but if it is, then Roselyn misses it too.

      This was really cute! Thanks for sharing!

    5. We love sweet and wholesome character development and moments of intimacy and time spent together, Carrie! We are here for this. I think about these two ladies often, and I am always excited to see what adventures and things that they’re getting up to whenever you post. This is no exception. It is adorable and funny.

      I love how Rosie has patience with Sam. I also love that despite being hesitant at first, Sam’s stubbornness actually works in her favor in this one. I love how she’s not perfect at it by the end of the story, but it is definitely something she wants to continue and something she is excited about. That’s great. The floating at the end is also quite funny. It’s wonderful to see that Sam is not only comfortable with doing it around Rosie, but Rosie is so used to it at this point that it’s fun for her.

      I will add that ballet is most certainly an actual dance! It takes strength and Grace and skill and determination. And you can do it either solo or with multiple partners. LOL.

      Your stories always hit a wonderful sweet spot for me, so thank you for that. I am so happy that you wrote and shared this one. I can’t wait to see what you post next.

  13. Earth Angel, Earth Angel, Will You Be Mine (Overly Familiar AU)
    By Marx

    Proms were supposed to be magical. And tonight was perfect. But then Laila got up to leave. Matt didn’t know what came over him. His body started moving and then they were kissing.

    Laila was always the one. She was the girl who made him realize he liked girls. She was the one who was always there for him. And in that moment, he wanted her more than anything in this world.

    So when she shrieked and fled to the other side of the couch, he was confused.

    “I’m sorry!” Laila gasped, “It’s just that you almost-”

    “No, it’s my fault.” Matt admitted dejectedly. “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that… You’re just so… pretty and I didn’t want the night to end and-”

    Laila took his hands into hers. “No! That was amazing! The kissing isn’t the problem. Well… it is, but-… Oh, the hell with it…”

    Laila stood up in the middle of the living room as her magnificent, glowing wings suddenly appeared. “See?”

    Matt blanked a moment before responding, “Yeah… that adds up.”

    “Wait… what?”

    Matt smiled back warmly. “You’re always gorgeous, but tonight, in all that… romantic atmosphere under the disco ball, it was like… we were spinning around in space and… no one existed but us. I already thought you were perfect. Why would I be surprised you’re an actual angel?”

    Laila smiled back. “That’s… so sweet. And cheesy.”

    Matt chuckled again. “It’s what I do. Wait… is this why you won’t date me?”

    “YES!” She shouted, the relief clear in her voice. “I shouldn’t even be kissing you!”

    Matt looked up thoughtfully. “That kiss… It kinda felt like-”

    “You almost made me into your familiar,” Laila interrupted, her tone growing more serious. “Which should be impossible, by the way. Angels can’t be familiars. Oh. Right. You’re not human either. You’re half demon/half angel.”

    “…I’m sorry, WHAT?!”

    Laila gave him a look. “Come on, Matt. Humans don’t heal animals just by being near them.”

    Matt threw up his hands in exasperation. “You said I was just gifted!”

    “Yeah… I said a lot of things…”

    1. vellichorian Avatar
      vellichorian

      The impulsiveness and confusion about mixed signals between two teens in this piece is pretty believable. I like that Matt initially assumes rejection since Laila is clearly out of his league, even though that wasn’t the case. There is definitely some missing context about their identities and relationship, but I think the piece works anyway. I appreciate that the moment of a first kiss twists into a reveal about Matt’s heritage that he wasn’t expecting.

    2. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      The dialogue in this one is so sweet and fun. I especially love the last line and the juxtaposition of these two people who clearly care for each other very much, but the admission that Laila has been lying to Matt about just so many things.

      My only critique is that I was very confused as to the location when we started. The first sentence establish prom and then the idea of leaving, and I assumed we were leaving the prom and not already at home after having left prom at some point previous. It’s a small thing that was probably a result of word count limits, but I thought I’d mention it.

      Overall, a very fun little story. Thanks for sharing!

    3. I love that you have chosen to use song titles for this week in your stories, Marx. It makes so much sense.

      It’s really fun to see your alternate universe versions of Laila and Matt. It’s very sweet. This is a very cute take on the prompt; it’s incredibly different from the one you posted in public. But it is adorable, and I love how you develop the relationship between these two here. I can’t explain it, but I really enjoy seeing a much more vulnerable Matt in the romantic sense.

      It’s really good and funny and wholesome, and I’m absolutely going to be singing Earth Angel for the rest of today. So, thank you. As always, I appreciate when you write and share your stories. I’m eagerly waiting your next one.

  14. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    To Dance is to Trust (A Song for: Kit)
    By Lunabear (Edit help from Skeleton Prime)

    The ballroom’s orchestra was the first thing to capture Kit’s attention. Its sweeping strings and deep horns left her swaying.

    The chandelier’s lights pulsated blue, muted white, and indigo. Intermittent streaks of gold shot across the indoor sky.

    Tables were draped in dusky purple and sparkling stardust. Many of the guests sat, their faces half shadowed due to shimmering candles.

    Kit gasped at the elegantly dressed couples waltzing high in the air.

    Her fangs shone as she smiled wide. Tonight’s theme, Falling Stars, was exceeding all expectations.

    Someone bumped into her. Turning, the angry words stuck in her throat.

    A boy bowed. His skin was midnight and tattoos crawled up his neck. The scent of his blood screamed divinity. He. Was. Breathtaking.

    “Apologies.” He offered his hand. “I’m Sharine. I haven’t seen you before.”

    Kit accepted his hand, stuttering her name when he kissed her skin. “I-I was here last night.”

    He repeated her name, seeming to savor its sound. “Beautiful. Would you like to dance?”

    Sharine’s light squeeze sent magma up her arm.

    Entranced, she found herself nodding and was whisked into a whirlwind. They spun and swirled, as though gliding on air.

    His heat intoxicated her. Soon, she was lost to the magic. Kit rested her head against his collarbone. “It feels like we’re floating.” Her voice was dreamy.

    Sharine chuckled in her ear. “Look down.”

    She acquiesced and saw other guests moving beneath them. Kit squeaked, “How??”

    He lifted her face. His eyes glowed with an iridescent teal light.

    “You’re…Fae?”

    “Mmm. And you are vampire. I knew from your scent.”

    “Wow. Can your blood truly allow my kind to feel the sun?”

    Mischief curled his lips upward. “Would you like to find out?”

    Kit thought for a moment, curiosity edging out caution. “Yes, actually.”

    Sharine dipped her, laughing at her sudden yelp. “Good. Find me before dawn.”

    Kit held fast to him.

    Their feet met the ground, and she felt lightheaded.

    His mouth touched her knuckles once more. “I hope to see you again soon.” Sharine strolled away, his gait regal.

    Overwhelmed, Kit slumped into an empty seat.

    1. Glaceon373 Avatar
      Glaceon373

      Oooh, the imagery! This piece is a visual wonder, Luna. This whole story feels like I’m watching it on a movie screen. I don’t know if I’ve read any other stories of Kit’s, but that didn’t hinder any understanding of this piece. I want to attend this dance now. Even if I might get eaten by a vampire or taken by the fey. It would probably be worth it, right? Anyway, this story is beautiful, Luna. Great job!

    2. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
      i-prefer-the-term-antihero

      Yay, more Kit happiness!!
      This whole scene is so cute and fun and fancy, I love it!!

      From the minute she walks in the scene feels otherworldly.
      It makes me think of the ball scene from Firefly (“Did you see the chandelier? It’s *hovering*!”)
      I’m curious, is this a fae ball?

      It’s very interesting that theme is *falling* stars. I wonder if that indicates something sinister will later happen? Maybe I’m reading too much into it XD

      ” the angry words stuck in her throat.”
      –I like this phrasing

      “A boy bowed. His skin was midnight and tattoos crawled up his neck. The scent of his blood screamed divinity. He. Was. Breathtaking.”
      –Very cool description. I’m curious what you mean by his skin being midnight. Does his skin literally look like stars?
      Also, how old is he?

      One thing I’m…debating on if it’s a critique or not is the “stuttering her name” and “repeated her name.” I really like the actual action of both lines, however, it sticks out a bit to me to not directly state her name with the lines, because the rest of the dialogue is stated directly.

      “Sharine’s light squeeze sent magma up her arm.”
      –Absolutely adore this phrasing/image

      The part where she realizes they’re floating is so cute, and flows so well!! I can totally see that happening where she’s so entranced she wouldn’t know it, and kinda feel it myself while reading!

      I also love that he knew she was a vampire. Interesting that a fae knew a vampire’s scent, rather than the other way around…

      I love the candidness of “Yes, actually.”

      I don’t think I mentioned it with your secret Santa story, but I absolutely love the idea of fae blood allowing vampires to walk in the sun. That is so creative and cool.
      (Does your secret Santa story take place in the same universe?)

      I am wondering, though, why does he tell her to meet him later, as opposed to letting her discreetly do it then and there?

      You really capture his charmingness throughout the piece. Even I feel charmed by him, just reading it! Wonderful job!!

    3. I frickin love this story! You have such a way with words when it comes to setting the scene. It’s so easy to have it form in the reader’s mind. And I loved that it started with the music because that is what tends to hit you first.

      And then the story kicks into another gear with Sharine’s entrance. I found it hilarious that Kit was about to get angry with him and then her brain shut down at ‘My God, you’re gorgeous’, which does happen sometimes lol. It just came across as a very realistic reaction for a human or a vampire.

      And when it comes to Sharine, he just oozed charm. In a very short time you gave him so much character that it’s hard not to like him and that’s before they start hover dancing which quite the romantic flex if I do say so myself.

      This gave me something of a True Blood vibe, but it absolutely stands as it’s own thing and I’m am here for it. Lol however I do have a general distrust of the Fae, so I worry this won’t go as well as it seems. But in the scene we’re given I am loving it.

      Excellent take on the prompt!

    4. I love this story. There’s so much wholesome spiciness to the interactions between Kit and Sharine. Being a fae, I naturally don’t trust Sharine, but he seems very charming. I love the ethereal feeling to this story, the dancing in air, the way you made the theme to this dance fit the prompt. It was a fun read. Thanks Luna.

    5. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      I love the scene you’ve set here. You really capture the senses as you paint the picture of the ballroom. It just feels magical, even before we get to the part about people dancing in the air, letting us know that the magic is, in fact, very real.

      I am a bit concerned as to how quickly the conversation turned to this seemingly dangerous meet up later, and I can’t help but suspect other motives are a possibility. But Kit was the one to bring it up, so at least there’s that to assuage my fears (and of course my knowledge of the dreaded wordcount).

      It’s such a seemingly simple encounter, but you really succeeded in showing all the little things that take Kit’s breath away and leave her overwhelmed.

      Very fun piece! Thanks for sharing!

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