Writing Group: Celestial Waltz

Hello, Falling Stars and Glittering Goddesses!

May I have this dance, my dear? I do hope you have a good sense of rhythm and balance, because…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Celestial Waltz

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

This prompt may evoke the imagery of the planets spinning in the sky above, surrounded by the myriad of stars glinting from within the depths of space. One could compare this cosmic cycle to a group of people pirouetting.

Or maybe you are more likely to think of a court of gods: a whole pantheon of celestial beings who dance and celebrate with unearthly splendor and plenty, wearing dresses spun of moonlight, and suits woven from dragon’s breath. I am sure any celebration of the gods is worth talking about.

Gods aren’t the only celestial beings. You could have angels attending a ball, spinning around and around to form stars. Perhaps the demons below hear the music, and long to join…but can only burn in the dark. You could even have the righteous spirits of the dead welcoming someone who recently died to paradise with a big dance. Maybe, in the world below, holy believers worship with a large festival by dancing while holding torches to simulate the stars in the heavens.

Perhaps you could tell a story about celebrities; how their reputations reach celestial heights, (whether through good or bad coverage), and many speculate how long their “waltz” in the spotlight will last.

But it doesn’t need to be a metaphor for gods or celebrities. It could just be the story of two lovers dancing under the light of the stars; hand in hand, maybe this simple dance could be all they ever wanted or imagined, and that would be enough.

Whether you go with gods, planets, or ordinary humans, try and think of what makes your waltz ‘celestial’. Also, any sort of dance will do to fulfill the prompt, but bonus points if you can somehow make it clear in your story your dance is a waltz!

As a challenge, pick a waltz from Youtube and try to write your story along with it! If you find one that fits, share the link in general-media, and/or writing-group (the private chat)!

 A second potential challenge I have for you is to make your story this week a sequel to your story last week. The moon in a jar certainly fits with the celestial theme, and I could see how some of last week’s stories could be continued with this week’s prompt. 

Now, Maestro, tell the orchestra it’s time to raise their instruments! As for you, my dear, put on your dancing shoes. We have a masterpiece to perform, don’t we? Why should the stars and planets have all the fun?

—Paul, Pearce, Felicia, and Kaylie

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least five stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Use two paragraph breaks between each paragraph so that they have a proper space between them (press “enter” or “return” twice).
    6. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
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  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new; no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
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    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
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    5. Be constructive and uplifting. These submissions are not for a professional market, and shouldn’t be treated as such. We do this, first and foremost, for the joy of the craft. Help other writers to feel like their work is valuable, and be considerate and gentle with critique when you offer it. Authors who leave particularly abrasive or disheartening remarks on this post will be disqualified from selection for readings.
    6. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
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    8. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

143 responses to “Writing Group: Celestial Waltz”

  1. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
    MelancholicOtaku

    The Dance

    By: MelancholicOtaku

    Step one two, step one two, step one two. The dance was simple—no, not easy—more like engraved in their minds. Their tale was as old as time: man meets woman, and the two fall in love—or rather, in this case, God falls in love with the Goddess. The two merge into one being, not of the body but of the spirit.

    The two had their roles to play: he showering humanity with blissful golden rays, and she creating both sweet dreams and terrible nightmares. The two worked in perfect unison, not missing a beat.

    It was a particularly exceptional day; everyone was in a splendid mood. “Ah, Lord Dieus, seems to be well and lively,” the village baker, a kind and plump man, said. “The gods have been in a good mood as of late.” The seamstress, a young maiden with impeccable taste, replied back.

    Step one, two, step one two the moon, was said to be the most beautiful of the old gods. Like most of the gods, Dieus fell in love at first sight. The usual fiery, upbeat god suddenly became shy whenever he was faced with Osyn, who was the definition of calm, cool, and collected, although even she gives her character an adorable blush every now and then.

    Day and night, night and day, the stars would align, prancing around gleefully. watching their parents spin around in a jovial manner. Around and around they go, with playful days and pleasant dreams being sprinkled throughout mankind.

    Step one two, now if one is extremely lucky then you my dear reader might be able to witness the celestial waltz between Dieus and Osyn. With the heavens as their stage and the earth as the symphony.

  2. The Majesty of Everything
    By: Boople

    The stars sway and twirl in the infinite nothingness of everything. Space certainly lives up to it’s name, as the vastness from star to star, galaxy to galaxy, anything to everything truly does feel daunting. But specks of somethings between it all bring us hope, and ourselves. This speck of a home of ours feels so big to us, while it dances and drifts so strictly, feeling so small. It simply follows the sun’s lead, the sun that follows something else.

    I find It beautiful, everything running like clockwork. Each tick towards the end of it all is nought but a thoughtless elliptical orbit. But knowing it’ll end, knowing I’m a part of this in my own minute way, gives me a little joy. We stare into the overwhelming void and search for specks, the farther it is out of reach the more excited we get. So even though space is daunting, it is it’s presence that allows for the appreciation of what’s beyond us.

    Living as we do, laughing as we do, dancing as we do. We are nothing less than the beauty of the universe, and it is nothing less than our appreciation of it. That’s why my fingers dance across these keys after all. I find beauty in it, in what I make and read. And I won’t stop expanding the universe in my own imaginative way, and I encourage you all to join me.

    1. I just needed to write again, so I just thought vomited this out. my apologies if it’s incomprehensible.

    2. Oliver Enslad Avatar
      Oliver Enslad

      Vomited out or not, this is still a beautiful narration of humanity. It captures something I think many are here for, which is to expand our own universes in thought, story or in a literal sense. It’s poetic what you’ve left, and there’s beauty in your expression of the beautiful. I am excited to read more from you! Especially when you feel inspired.

  3. A Prince and A Maid
    By: Xavier Twenytone

    We are not the Altair and the Vega that were vicariously in love to divide the Milky Way and make our own stepping stones. Rather, I am just a Cinderella that keeps scrubbing the Step-Mother’s floor with no hopes from the Fairy Godmother.

    *****

    You just arrived at the ballroom this evening, looking like any other participant even though you know you are a guest in this house, and still you wear your tuxedo and shoes like any normal person.

    It is just a quirk of yours to always act and appear humble like any other men even though you know, and always know that the ladies are glaring and smiling at you with their coquettish eyes, or maybe you just don’t. Maybe, you had never know that the ladies are seducing you with their effeminate charm. That’s why you fell in love with me.

    “Good to see you Vega,” you startle me from behind. Even though I told you not to call me Vega, you still use the name that we created on a windy rain under the oak tree.

    “I told you we are not the Altair and the Vega that have everlasting love and patience to not cheat and wait for one another. Rather, I am just a frog with a worn apron and you are an everlasting star that will dance in a celestial waltz.”

    After listening to my ranting, you always give me that look of tenderness and sweetness that is seldom seen by other women.

    “What took you so long darling?” a voice coming from your behind.

    You freeze and start to turn around, “Juliet, I’m just asking for champagne.”

    She stared at me, a dirty maid, with a suspicious expression.

    “Come on Romeo, we are going to be late for the dance,” she said.

    You both start to leave, and you, in your last attempt start to mouth, “I am sorry, you know I had no choice.”

    *****

    I started to work again by delivering champagne to other guests. I started looking at you while you danced away from me with other stars.

    1. this one has a very sad and tragic feeling to it, It’s really interesting that situation like cinderella but one that didn’t have the fairy godmother.

      1. Thanks for you comment Galer.

  4. Oliver Enslad Avatar
    Oliver Enslad

    Fuldablop’s Dance
    by Oliver Enslad

    Earth Defense Force
    Outgoing Call from Displaced Satellite
    March 17th, 2417

    “Hello again, mother. I’ve good news, but I’m sure you’ll see it as good and bad. Adilpuh paid my bail. Most of the humans who imprisoned me retired, and the new wardens were kinder, letting me take the satellite to hopefully hear from you again. But Adilpuh did take me out of their galaxy.

    “She sent only a comet of herself, but I was able to latch on to that ever-growing rock and ride it back to the rest of her. Her beauty only intensified as I arrived, the stars and planets she was circled around an invisible point, like a pinwheel with a black hole for a center. I was so overcome with joy, and she was too. We’ve not touched for a near century.

    “She carried me to the center of her selves, my tendrils clung and attached to different planets and stars void of anything but her own life. She then began to spin around me, I was the center of her pinwheel.

    “The satellite the humans let me borrow played an ancient tune, one of a loyal pet named St Bernard. I pulled all of her closer to me, spinning around I felt family again. My wings beat twice, spreading flame from her stars and warming her planets. My tears guided themselves down my tendrils, making rivers and oceans of her crevices. We spun and cried and spun. Mother, she was home to me and I brought life to the home she was.

    “As the organic one in the relationship, I’m hardening and dying, giving everything I have to the new creatures upon us. Some even look like my captors, the humans, but they glisten. I understand you didn’t want this for me, but I wanted to create life. You’re no longer a mother, but a grandmother.

    “Maybe one day, my Fuldians as Adilpuh calls them, will climb to this satellite and call you. If they do, I understand why you weren’t a mother, but please be a grandmother. Please, tell them they’re not alone.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      As sequences goes, this sure is an unexpected one!

      Really interesting. I really like that whole aspect of one giving oneself in to seed life, and I find it particularly interesting here in a pairing of a cosmic being that brings the organic side to the table with another one who is responsible for the canvas where said life is about to flourish. This is a very fresh on the whole life giving idea, and I find it fascinating.

      There is some sort of a contrast in tone with this one and the previous one that some could say is a bit jarring, but I’d say is charming. It denotes a kind of growing up for Fundablop, and it puts into perspective the whole act of creation, grand as it is, can come from a creature that once seemed so careless and a bit disastrous. And that progression is great – specially considering that the beings that came to be in a sense resemble their former captors.

      This was a very surprising and interesting story to read. It felt grand, but also familiar. Nice work!

      1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
        Oliver Enslad

        Thank you very much! Honestly, Fuldablop and Adilpuh were two characters I didn’t expect to return to, especially so soon. But man, the challenges given here are way too tempting! It felt jarring for me on writing too, I feel as if I had two different ideas in mind but the idea of two celestials dancing just brought about the idea of the big bang being a big ballroom dance! Just not for us.
        Thank you so much for your kind words, and I hope to evoke many more emotions as the clock ticks!

    2. well ain’t this pretty as hell to read. I am confused as to what Adilpuh and the narrator are, but that detracts little to nothing of what the story does well. and that’s just making this ethereal lovey tone just ooze throughout this story. and is the song referenced as an ‘ancient tune’, is that real? cause I have a guess as to what it might be

      1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
        Oliver Enslad

        Thank you! Someone made a slight comment before that it reminds them of an Eldritch Horror, and honestly I wanted to write these two characters as such. Something barely describable with words, but still far from our comprehension. The ‘ancient tune’ definitely is a real tune that I had on repeat while writing, it’s called St Bernard’s Waltz. I thought loyalty in love would be a good idea to try and evoke, and St Bernards as a breed and what I know as the reasonings behind the song fit well in that. I’ve seen someone else call it “Fish for my Tea” as one video I’ve watched actually had very faint lyrics, but I couldn’t quite tell as it is apparently an old waltz.
        Thank you for your kind words! And your time to read!

  5. Just Ruining Everything, as Usual (Loosely a sequel to last week’s)

    By: Iskritt

    “Gods!” The god of life said. “On behalf of the upper pantheon, I thank you for attending this wonderful dance.”

    A loud cheer rang out amongst the gods.

    “I would like to give a special thanks to Music, for lending their services to this celebration. No dance would be complete without the wonderful sounds of a universe perfectly orchestrated in the way that only you can.”

    All turned to applaud the god of music, who was distracted with something. Realizing they were being ignored, the crowd stopped clapping and turned again to face Life.

    “This gathering of the gods has passed flawlessly, and if that does not call for a celebration, I don’t know what does! After all..”

    Life was cut off as a whimper of sound rang out across the crowd. All the gods turned back towards Music, who was wincing, and visually uncomfortable.

    “I am so sorry, Life.” Music said. “I am trying to keep Earth silent but you know how they can be. Please, continue.”

    With only a short pause, Life nodded and continued. “As I was saying, this gathering only occurs as Time decrees, and the chance for a wonderful celebration cannot be…”

    The same sound occurred, cutting off Life once more. Before anyone could do anything, Music was already speaking, their “arms” slumped over in defeat and anger.

    “I told you this could happen, and yet you insisted I use this universe for your party music. You can’t just take a planet’s moon and expect it to stay quiet for you, especially not Earth. It is hard enough to keep quiet as it is, and now it is just ruining everything, as usual.”

    Life sighed. “Earth, the old trouble maker. Death, can you do something about that?”

    Death, who was standing in the wings of Life’s celestial stage, simply nodded. With a wave of a “hand,” the gods watched a tiny bright light emanate in Music’s universe, only to disappear moments later.

    Life waited only a single moment before continuing.

    1. Oliver Enslad Avatar
      Oliver Enslad

      Wow, I was very caught off guard on that ending. Imagining so many forms of entertainment available, the respect they have for each other in praise, only to consider a whole planet inconsiderate and worthless. It’s not often we see the personification of Life be so willy-nilly to end life elsewhere, and it’s not often thought that the two play in tandem. Seeing Life and Death work together impresses me, seeing music struggle and consider itself a way of silencing humans makes me rethink of every night I sit silently listening to my favorite songs too. What I am assuming is, that the heat death of the planet is brought by our own loudness, and that idea leaves me near speechless. What a delightful moment for them it must be though.

    2. The fact that a God of Life isn’t portrayed as gentle or caring is a very interesting take I haven’t seen before and I think it works really well!
      The way Life just casually asks Death to destroy a whole planet and Death – equally as casual – just does that gives me chills. Imagine all of our lives being erased just like that, for no deeper reason then entertainment (or lack thereof, considering earth “disturbed“ the gods gathering), yikes.
      All in all I find this was a very unique and fascinating read and it was well written as well, good job!

  6. Moonlight Without The Sonata (Chronicles of The Dragon)
    By Makokam

    Vlad knocked on the door and called, “Imogene? Are you ready?”

    “I’ll be just a moment longer,” her voice responded.

    Vlad stood straight and sighed. He paced. After not too long, he heard the sound of the door opening.

    Vlad was a large, imposing, man. His subjects knew him as a strict ruler. His enemies knew him as a man not to be crossed. But when Imogene emerged from her quarters, this woman who barely came up to his chest once again turned him weak and trembling as a fawn. “Were you not ready to go?” she asked, with innocent eyes and smirking lips.

    The ball went as well as could be expected. Wealth, power, and influence was shown off. Allegiances were formed. It was now late, and Vlad stood in his ballroom, reflecting on how everyone’s gaze had been captured by Imogene.

    “You’re still here?”

    He turned to see the lady in question walking across the room. “Yes. I wanted to see all our visitors off, and our guests to their rooms. I thought I might as well make sure the cleaning goes smoothly.“

    “You’ve been up since dawn preparing everything. You should sleep.”

    “They’re almost finished.”

    She sniffed and walked past him. “If you insist on staying, then at the very least you can dance with me.”

    “The musicians have left.”

    “A waltz has a simple rhythm. Surely you don’t need music to find it?”

    He smiled and took her hand. “Surely not.”

    Imogene subtly steered him across the ballroom, and towards the balcony. They danced under the moonlight with Imogene bringing them closer and closer to the railing. Just before they reached it, she let go, turned, and effortlessly hopped onto it.

    “Imogene!”

    She extended her hand, “Join me.” Reluctantly, he took her hand and she pulled him up. “I believe we were in the middle of something.”

    Vlad’s attention was pulled so strongly to his love, that he didn’t notice they’d left the railing, and their dance took them up among the moonbeams. “I’m much more competent than you know. You should rely on me.”

    1. Well damn lol when Imogene wants to turn on the charm, she really goes for it. This is such a cute story. I do love it when a powerful being can just romantically flex. Like, you know full well Imogene knew from the moment she asked Vlad to dance, she was mentally like, ‘This mofo don’t know we about to be dancing on moonbeams, but he’s about to find out.’

      It was just an easy, fun read to see someone so enchanted with someone else and build it up to such a cute scene.

      I think the only criticism I’d have is that I kinda wish we didn’t have that time skip at the beginning and we just started with them already at the ball and Vlad admiring her then as its wrapping up, but that’s nitpicking.

      Another great addition to this world.

    2. I am here for this beautiful, supernatural, vampiric love story. Give me more of this couple, please, Mako. This is serotonin I didn’t realize I needed.

      I love that Vlad is this incredibly imposing and cruel man that can be brought to his knees by this woman. I love the archetype of the stoic, seemingly heartless person that shows a completely different, softer side of themselves for that one special person. It’s terribly sweet.

      The use of the prompt is really well done. You’ve got the moon for the celestial part (you can also argue that her being a vampire is also celestial, but I think that falls more under supernatural), and you have the waltzing on the moonbeams, which is such an awesome idea. I can’t get over that.

      What I love most of all about this story, I think, is how Imogene is wanting to dance after the ball. Granted, you can say that it’s to show off the dancing on the moonbeams, but for me, it’s because she wanted private time with Vlad and to enjoy him for herself. Which is fair. They make me believe in love, so thank you for that as well.

      One tiny critique is that you don’t need a comma in between the words imposing and man in the first sentence of the fourth paragraph.

      I think your stories are starting to feel like home for me because they are so much fun, and they have a lot of heart and engagement and drama and meaningfulness to them. Thank you so very much for writing this one. I am excited to see what you have next.

    3. Mmm. Yes. Two people deeply in love and dancing to music that’s only in their heads. Top shit. Plug that directly into my veins.

      I love Imogene here. She’s radiating Girlboss energy in the best possible way.

      [and honestly she does to Vlad what Cordelia does to Kosh, though with less vampirism]

    4. Singles awareness day is upon us and this is so sweet it aches. 💕

  7. Dodging Pirates
    By MasaCur

    “Bogies on our six and seven!” Myrgen called out, as he charged up the ship’s turret. Rydia had already taken evasive actions, flying the scout ship into a hard dive.

    Pirates! Not a common occurrence through most of known space, but a Federation Scout ship would be required to map out unexplored regions. Regions where the more nefarious would often hide.

    “Seriously, it’s not like we have anything valuable on our ship, though,” Myrgen tried to say, as Rydia banked hard to the right, throwing Myrgen into his restraints. “Why would they come after us?”

    “Don’t know, don’t care!” Rydia was a total moron most of the time. However, when it came to navigation and piloting, she was a maestro. With her hands at the controls, she could make a ship dance.

    Much like it was doing right now. So much so, that Myrgen was having a hard time trying to lock onto the pirate fighters on their tail. At least they were having just as hard a time aiming up on Myrgen and Rydia.

    “There’s a nebula about six stellar units from here. I’m going to go see if I can lose them!” Rydia announced, practically laughing as she weaved the ship through space. “Prepare for a micro-jump!”

    “What, no! That’s insane! You’ll kill us!”

    Rydia blew a raspberry, then engaged the jump drive. The ship lurched forward, then just as suddenly decelerated back to cruising speeds as Myrgen saw the nebula fill the forward viewport.

    Rydia dived in, making the ship drift back and forth, pirouetting before sending them into another dive, followed by a hard climb. The pirates in pursuit also jumped to the edge of the nebula, and flew in with equal abandon.

    One of them was not nearly as successful as the others, as his ship got caught in a pocket of a nebula storm, and immediately exploded.

    Rydia was still cackling as she swooped further into the nebula, far too fast and elusive to let the pirates catch up.

    1. This is a fun story, Masa. The way in which you use the ship as dancing among the cosmos is a brilliant take on the prompt. I love the rare look at Rydia and how she isn’t portrayed as her usual ditzy self. I also appreciate that Myrgen doesn’t have a lot to say. Just because he can come off as a tad mean to her sometimes. Although, that might be my biased.

      It doesn’t distract from the story in any way.

      Alluding space pirates is always a fun time, and I love the adventuring. It’s space fairing. It’s fast-paced and energetic and intense, and Rydia seems like she’s having a blast. Thank you so very much for the story. I am always happy and excited to see what tale you have woven for the week. I can’t wait to see what you write next.

    2. Good job on your original take on this prompt, which I don’t think I see any type of this story in comment section. your writing is simple and easy to understand which is a great point considering that there are a lot of description on how the ship moves. Also my favorite line is “Rydia blew a raspberry, the engaged the jump driver.” I hope that is a metaphor, because there is something intriguing about the raspberry that appear out of nowhere.

  8. Celestial dance (sequel to moon H2O)

    By Galer

    In a fractal nebula that is several light years away from the tissue planet and the recently cratered moon, there was charming music flaring from it, in this zone of space the celestial celebrated by dancing along with the living musical notes decorating the nebulae with kaleidoscopic light.

    “Hahaha I still can’t believe we managed to get in here,” said Kounief the mortal that drank from the waters of the moon turning into a god or more accurately gods after all, gods weren’t known to maintain one “faced” of themselves. ” Then again if it weren’t for me we would need to have another millennium to get invited to this”

    they were multiple Kounief on the dance floor some dancing with more euphoria than others, one was even waltzing with several celestials and other abstract beings

    “oh please you weren’t the only one doing the job of helping with the moon, we also needed to tutor you, Rookie,” Larry said with a cocky grin on his face on a sofa made out of liquid starlight “do I need to remind you the embarrassing display in that singularity that we were harvesting? all because you wanted to impress someone?”

    “Oh give me a break old man,” Konief said rolling his eyes” I wasn’t the one that ran away from my first monster slaying on the moon”

    “to be fair if it weren’t for me you wouldn’t be here now rookie,” said Drote joining the group with a neutron wine in his hand “you wouldn’t be a god, you wouldn’t be attached to a tedious job, being a god its a hassle for some”

    “Pff I am resilient to boring things that’s what they lack,” said the moon god arrogantly.

    “That wasn’t what you said the first time” Drote pointed out.

    “Semantics” Konief replied, and smiled “now if you don’t mind I am going to decimate this dance floor again, want to join me?”

    Larry and Drote replied with broad smirks.

    this was a joyous cosmic disco

    and they will enjoy every minute of it.

    1. Very fascinating. A lot of backstory can be driven from this characters. I also noticed that there are a lot of world building possibility from this piece of yours. their conversation is not wasted on mundane things even though the sound like it, it leaves their backstory unfold one b one through conversation.

      1. Yeah I used this as practice from character expositing the worl building rather thant the narrator and try tp do it dinamically.

        1. hmmm i see, btw i forgot to tell you that sometimes you forget capital letter such as this sentence “to be fair if it weren’t for me you wouldn’t be here…”, or coma in this sentence “…on a sofa made out of liquid starlight(,) “do I need…””, and many more. Btw if you have the time, would you give your opinion on my short story for this prompt named A Prince and A Maid? I would really appreciate an critics and suggestion from you.

  9. WriterOfThought Avatar
    WriterOfThought

    Cinderella Starlight
    WriterOfThought

    Villis sat in his study. It was supposed to be his turn to watch the kids today, while Penelope was out on patrol. He could hear the older two getting into things they weren’t supposed to as he skimmed over documents, trying to come up with the next theorem for his work. Anything to help in their battles to come.

    The pitter-patter of little feet interrupted his increasingly dower thoughts. The youngest of his three children waited at the door, a sad look on her face, scrunched up to hold back tears.

    “What’s wrong, Little Star?” he asked. Her name was actually Astrea, but she brought so much light into his life that he usually called her Little Star, or sometimes Shooting Star if she was running too much and about to break something.

    “They said I was a silly baby for wanting to play a dancing game instead of a fighting game!” The other two children did senior her by four and six years, so it made sense that they would rather imitate their parents through play fights rather than play with their sister.

    “Well,” Villis said, standing up and scooping his child off the ground in a single motion. “We’ll just have to play a dancing game without them, then. Which way to the ball, your highness?”

    The next several minutes were some of the happiest moments he’d had in months. The enemy grew stronger outside, and nearly every time he left the house or one of his labs he had to fight for his life to get home again, but here with just himself and his little girl, there was peace. Nothing could reach them here. He wouldn’t allow it.

    Astrea had grown tired, and so he carried his baby off to bed.

    The hallway was dark, quiet, and rather lonesome.

    As he laid the doll down, its eyes shut to imitate sleep.

    Villis knelt by the empty bed in his empty house and could only weep.

    His little stars were among them now.

    1. The Missing Link Avatar
      The Missing Link

      Those last two lines really change the entire thing. It was really cute, and that made the gut punch harder. I suppose this would be a way someone could have trouble processing grief, and losing your children, how could any grief be harder to process. The stars also make a great image here, beautiful and present, but far away and untouchable.

    2. Ouch, this one goes straight to the heart.
      I love how soft Villis is with his daughter despite the war that seems to be going on outside of their home and all the work he has to do, really goes to show how much he loves her. The interactions between the two felt very natural and were just plain adorable.
      And then the last few sentences brought a completely new mood over the entire piece and it was as heartbreaking as it was beautiful. Excellent work.

    3. well how dare you hurt me this way. I am a bit distracted by the vague conflict outside, but everything inside the house was so genuine and felt so damn real. which of course leads to the Wonderfully done reveal that his kids are dead ( I assume I am stupid after all ) just moments after you said in his house was peace. So again, WELL DONE and screw you this hurt.

      1. WriterOfThought Avatar
        WriterOfThought

        I was hoping to convey, by having Villis keep thinking back to it, that the war outside was at least partially the cause of the kids death. But I’m glad it gave you the feels!

  10. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    Penitent Monsters (The Ballad of the Monsters: Savion)
    By i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    The wood creaked as I leaned back. “So…do I have to start confessing right away?”

    A pause. “This IS a confession booth.”

    “Yeah, but.” I shifted uncomfortably. “Can we talk first?”

    “The pews are perfectly good for that, you know.”

    “I’m…comfy.”

    I wasn’t. But at least he couldn’t see my face.

    “What are your questions, my child?”

    I shifted more uncomfortably. “Oh no, we’re not there yet.” I wrung my hands. “If God is real…are we all just pawns on a cosmic chessboard? Is my life a joke to Him?”

    “No. You are precious in His sight. He cares for you as His child.”

    A laugh barked out of me. “You don’t know me. I’m something of a monster.”

    “I know you’re here. Surely that counts for something.”

    Sure. Mainly the guilt trudging through my veins.

    I could still feel the blood on my hands.

    “I sacrificed…everything, to be what others wanted me to be.” I traced my palm. “But it made my life hell.”

    “Why did you do it?”

    “Because they need it. Supposedly I need it too.”

    “Sacrificing to help others pleases God.”

    “So my desires, my happiness, don’t matter?”

    “If you chose this, you must’ve desired helping others more than what you gave up.”

    I covered my mouth. “You’re wrong,” I whispered. “What’s become of me…it’s the perfect punishment.”

    “God didn’t plan your pain to punish you.”

    “Well He doesn’t seem to care that I’m fucking miserable all the time!”

    A pause.

    “…I confess I swore at a priest.”

    He laughed. “He cares. More than you know. I have a better image for you; think of it more as a celestial waltz. God is love. He can be love because He is three. Before time, the Father, the Son, and the Spirit danced together. A dance of knowing and being known. Loving and being loved. God wants us to join in this dance.”

    I thought of the dance Thomas Verian invited me to.

    I could still feel the blood on my hands.

    “I don’t think He’d want me there.”

    “He wants everyone there.”

    “Even sinners?”

    “Especially sinners.”

    1. Norman Gray Avatar
      Norman Gray

      There’s something very real, very palpitable about the hesitancy, the way Savion has to work up to confessing. . . Though I’m not religious and have never done confessional, this feels similar to my experiences with speaking to a therapist, something that I too had to approach with similar hesitancy.

      I like the intrigue. Without knowing too much of the context, this gives me just enough to pique my interest and get me asking all the right questions about what they did and why, and what kind of monster they truly are. . . Would definitely like to know more.

      Admittedly, I read this in a male voice the first time around, which I’m realizing was probably a mistake, though I’m not entirely sure.

      I never thought to write a scene within a confessional booth before, but now I kind of want to; there’s something very intriguing about a place where you go to share your darkest secrets in anonimity.

    2. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      I don’t need to know or want to know what the speaker did or went through. As someone who has read CS Lewis and Tolkien endlessly, I love explorations of faith that have an uplifting message no matter what devil on someone’s shoulder tries to convince them that they are irredeemable and unworthy.

      Although with the way it was built up, part of me wanted the speaker to perhaps rock the booth or injure the priest to keep their self image of monster intact. But I think I like your ending better, since it’s how the faith actually works.

    3. Sniperaxiom Avatar
      Sniperaxiom

      Aw I love the humor here! The priest is really calm and positive with this extremely emotionally charged situation but he doesn’t seem flippant or unprofessional. I really love the emotional struggle of the main character. The questions they pose are all fair and make sense. I like the stalling that the main character engages in while trying to avoid the confession. I also like that they feel like they need some answers before even confessing because they don’t know if it’s even worth anything.

      I like the optimistic message about faith too :)!

      But I wonder what happened at this mentioned dance and what exactly got blood on the main characters hands.

  11. Faketruth Avatar
    Faketruth

    The starry night
    By faketruth

    A boy stares into the existence of the ethereal plane known as the starry night which glistenses and gleans such the skin of a fresh apple that was just washed. The stars of the night flash and sparkle each one a different tempo as if the beat of a march was fastened then quickly slowed.
    This was known as the festival of the cosmos, but to the boy who stared at the masterpiece of art it was a miracle.

    Each star has its own tint and shade some more than others represent the flow of life as it surrounds the planets. The blue stars represented the movement of water or the calmness of mind while the yellow and red stars represented the enjoyment and thrills of the unexpected. They rotated and spinned around the planets forming a cluster and pool of harmony each moving to their own rhythm.

    In the middle the sun sat, brightening the party and bringing the mood to life. It sat encircled by the dancers and enjoyers of life. Its bright yellow light looked back at the boy as if it were to be welcoming him in with open arms.

    The boy couldn’t take his eyes off the stunning image which was brought upon him. The dancing of the sky, the lights of the sky and the subtle quietness of the town. But he knew his time was up as he took one more look at the painting the words starry night by van gogh filled his head.

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      I love the images you invoke in this story. I would just be careful with your verb tenses. You start in present tense and the switched to past tense in the second paragraph. Both tenses work well for this story but I think present might work better, as the ongoing nature feels like it’s always happening with present tense.

      Other than that, your word choice is beautiful. Excellent work.

    2. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
      MelancholicOtaku

      Love the description of how it might feel to really witness and be amazed looking at any form of art for the first time,rather it’s a movie , sculpture,or in this case Van Gogh Starry night. Something so simple a village under the starry night sky. I also love how each star means something special.

      The only critic I can say is the grammar which is something that every writer is going to struggle with.

  12. Norman Gray Avatar
    Norman Gray

    Vicky’s Victrola: A Hi-Fi, Sci-Fi Crime Caper
    By Norman Gray

    He needed her help, again.

    Mayhew could hear music as he approached her cell; Victoria was waltzing behind the bars, arms outstretched as if embracing an invisible partner, stepping in time as her Victrola blared out a tune.

    Victoria was. . . Different. She understood warp-drive schematics, and could problem solve any flight system. She was an expert pilot capable of navigating the constellations. Yet for reasons unknown to Detective Mayhew, she’d used her talents for hijacking and plundering, ushering in an age of interstellar piracy.

    “Detective!” she said, without breaking stride. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

    He was blunt. “Something contacted Voyager One last night. . . The spacecraft was smashed. The Golden Record has gone missing.”

    Victoria stopped. “Well, that’s certainly a matter of concern. First contact, maybe?” She asked with the slightest hint of sarcasm. “Or a meteor strike, perhaps?”

    “Small chance of that, I think.”

    “Thievery, then.” Victoria sighed. She lifted the Victrola’s needle, silencing it. “Well it was a novel idea, encoding humanity’s tale onto a beacon. But, it never would have reached alien life. . . Just a felled tree in a dark forest, without anyone to hear it come crashing down.”

    This raised his suspicions. “Did you hear it crash, Vicky?”

    She laughed. “You give me too much credit, Detective. . . Surely, I couldn’t have been involved?”

    He looked her in the eye. Frankly, he would’ve preferred if she’d somehow stolen it; a run-o’-the-mill thief might be dumb enough to melt it down for its gold.

    He didn’t want to do this. . . But the clock was ticking. “I could use your expertise.”

    “Of course.” Her grin widened. “And I could use a dance partner.” She eyed him intently. “To accompany this lovely record player you’ve brought me.”

    “I don’t dance, Vicky.”

    “Oh, I can teach you.” She placed the needle back onto the record, the Victrola blaring to life. “You need only follow my lead, Detective. ”

    He’d wished for any other lead to follow, in that moment.

    Striking her Waltzing pose, Victoria beckoned. “After me, Mr. Mayhew.”

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I love that one. I loved it just from reading the title, and the sequence didn’t disappoint after that.

      I’m a bit dumbfounded at how fast you managed to establish the whole ambiance to the story. In few lines, we had that whole Silence of the Lambs vibe, but it also was clearly its own thing. I had doubts a story with such a inspiration could work in so few words, but you focused on the more interesting parts (the overall mystery and interaction between these two) and it did.

      Also, I really appreciate the reference to the Golden Record on the Voyager mission – and it feels particularly interesting here, with the whole thing about the victrola setting the scene.

      And I wonder what Mayhew has in mind that makes the idea of someone getting the disk being such a danger. I really can’t fathom why it would be, but the story makes me trust his gut instinct to dread what could be done, whatever it is.

      Thanks a lot for sharing this one. It was an amazing short story!

      1. Norman Gray Avatar
        Norman Gray

        You’re far too kind, but thank you.

        I don’t think there’s any particular danger in the golden record being stolen. I was thinking more about the fact that it was a priceless artifact with tremendous historical value. . . Finding it, and the thief, was a matter of principal more than anything else.

        That being said, I’m wondering now what dangers, if any, could arise from it being in the wrong hands. . .

    2. Oliver Enslad Avatar
      Oliver Enslad

      Victoria is such a lovely character, she reminds me of Jinx and a few other intelligent crazies. My favorite thing is debating whether a character is crazy because of how much they know, or can only afford their insanity thanks to their boundless knowledge. This character teases that question for me, and I want to see more of Victoria’s solutions come into play. A wonderful dance where she describe the details of every star, or of even warp drives. I must admit, I’m against the detective in this because I can’t think of a better dance partner than one so compelling.
      The only thing is, the cell kind of disappears from the story. Whether the Detective begrudgingly unlocks the cell bars, or they deactivate a laser field fit for a space pirate, I would’ve loved a bit more detail on the setting because my mind just flips what type of cell it may be on each reread.
      Critique aside, I love it, and I hope to one day dance with someone like Victoria.

    3. How exciting, Norman! I love your different approach to the prompt. I also really adore how you set the scene. There is dancing, definitely, but it is wrapped within a mystery. I love a good noir story. The celestial aspect of the prompt comes in from the beacon being shot through space. I also love the trope of the criminal and the detective teaming up. It always hits a certain spot for me, especially when they’re on more familiar terms. Even though I’m not familiar with these two, I do enjoy their dynamic quite a bit. I do hope they can work together to find out what is going on.

      Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this one. I’m excited to see more.

  13. Twin Stars
    By Lulumin

    His hand held hers. The other gently grasped her waist. Right foot forward. Left foot to the side. Back again. To the right. Repeat.

    They make their arc across the sky, each and every night. This one is no different. Even as they glare at each other, they are tied together in this dance.

    Forward. Left. Backward. Right. Dip. Again.

    He can almost feel her seething as he supports her. For once he agrees.

    Most people believe it’s an honor for a mere human to be placed among the stars, in the gods’ domain. The two thought the same at first, but that pride was quickly demolished once they realized what had happened to them.

    One. Two. Three. Four.

    How long has it been? A century? Two? Three? They stopped counting a long time ago. What did they do to deserve this? To be locked together for eternity. They no longer remember why. Why did they despise each other in the first place? They forgot, just as they forgot their life on the ground beneath them.

    Dancing. And dancing. And dancing. And dancing.

    They hear them gossiping sometimes. They say the people below call them the twin stars: the Gemini. They find beauty in their torment. They’d almost laugh if it didn’t disgust them so much.

    In one moment out of many, they dance. In every moment, they dance.

    Right foot forward. Left foot to the side. Back again. To the right. Repeat.

    Again. Again. Again. The twin stars, bound together for the rest of time and beyond.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      That is devastating.

      And I dread to say, but this is deliciously devastating. A very surprising take on the prompt, and I’m so glad to be surprised by it.

      The use of the box step to mark how that existence is an eternal unbroken cycle, how the motions will keep being the same (forever, and ever), regardless of how they might despise each other… that’s chilling. And the whole idea that others can’t even see how terrible their mutual feelings are, and just interpret the dance (or the constellation) as a thing of beauty and assign them an idea of unity and longing… that was brutal.

      I’m amazed as to how powerful this one is. I’m devastated. And I thank you for it. This is a cruel one, but also a thing of beauty.

    2. Faketruth Avatar
      Faketruth

      Honestly I am lost for words on how interesting yet simple this was. The take on the Gemini constellation being 2 humans endlessly dancing through the sky is very cool. Something that made me more interested was how they saw it as honor but slowly realized it was torture and a ploy by the gods

    3. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
      MelancholicOtaku

      I’m just going to start off with this statement and that is this might be one of my favorites so far ,can’t wait to see more from you.

      This story will have you feeling sorry for Gemini and the plus century prison that they have been stuck in.Being mere playthings for the gods stuck in their endless dance.I wonder how did the twins get imprisoned in the first place,were they tricked ? So many questions are racing thru my head like are the only constellations also prisoners in the sky.

  14. The Stars I Wish Them To Be

    By Joe

    There is a dance I wish to be a part of. The Celestial Waltz. Occupied by bright beings much different than I, called Stars. They dance in a plane of imagination varying in blue nebulas, and a dance floor made from and invisible force with enough give to your weight that feels like you’re dancing on nothing. Can you imagine keeping your form whilst drifting in the light of a blue sun, or the low spotlight of a white dwarf?

    I would love to be a part of it, but there are awkward reasons why I am not there right now.

    The stars hate planets and satellites, and only allow us to watch outside of their shine. We didn’t know what planets and satellites looked like, because we’ve been kept out of the light for so long we assumed we were hideous.

    But then I became more confused with our existence when Jupiter orbited too closely and got in trouble, and got sent back into the vast darkness. But I was so enamored by the orderly satellites making a ring around them that I realized, I wanted to see more of Jupiter. I wanted to see…all of us. And for the first time I wondered what I truly looked like. I wanted to be seen.

    But I was too afraid.

    My friends really enjoy watching the waltz and think that I don’t because I don’t show up anymore. It’s not that. It’s because I want to dance with the stars, but can’t. I have explained it to them, but they don’t understand. It makes me feel like I’m at fault that they feel they can’t enjoy something, when I just want everyone to have a better experience. I’m not telling them to stop, I’m telling them to realize their own beauty, and not hate or fear a star. That stars should be humbled that their light is more than show, and we can reflect that light back to them. Then we can all realize ourselves in a new light.

    One that’ll reach out further, and bring more back.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Oh, I love the message of this one. And the progression of the narrative is done in such a way that it conveys it perfectly.

      Yeah, those two points are just amazing, and I’m not sure if I would be able to elaborate more on them if I wanted it to. I feel as if there is a whole journey with changing scenarios that recontextualizes the previous legs of the journey as each new step is taken, and it is not a short one at that. And it is all done in less that 350 words, while we follow the musing of a planet/satellite as it recounts how it feels about the celestial waltz and its dancers… and, ultimately, of those that aren’t allowed to participate.

      And I just love how they even know themselves for the longest time, except in relation to how they can’t join the waltz. Few times have a seen such a poetic way of not only talking about othering, but self-othering at that.

      I had a lot of problems in parsing a very simple sentence at the beginning, though – so much that I though it was an attempt at a whole different sentence structure that might have passed a review process. In the end, while I was making the comment I went back to it and saw that the strangeness is caused just by the placement of one comma, and now I could see what it was supposed to mean. But was I dumbfounded at first. This is the sentence: “Occupied by bright beings much different than I called, Stars”. I believe the correct way to place that comma is before called, not after. Usually, I’d say this is a very, very minot thing – but I really had a really difficult time trying to interpret the sentence the first time.

      Anyway, Great story, lovely message, so uplifting!
      And you know what lurks in the darkness where the light of the stars are not shining just yet? It is a like! Oh, look, when I press it, it does shine as well. I wonder if it is allowed to dance!

      1. Fixed it.

        Thank you for the read. 😁

    2. The Missing Link Avatar
      The Missing Link

      This is an interesting take on the prompt. We as readers know the planets are beautiful, but that makes them a great stand in for the outcasts you make them here. They’ve internalized what the stars had told them like so many people do, unable to reflect on what’s valuable in themselves. The theming here is really good.

  15. IntenseSpooks Avatar
    IntenseSpooks

    Waltz at The End Of The World
    IntenseSpooks
     
    Somewhere in between heaven and earth, two entities lock themselves in a ferocious battle. However, it is not a battle of violence but one of words and movement.
     
    ”I am the rivers of blood, taking away all that is dear and igniting the flames of war and brutality, all to protect you.” Said the being with a dark and intimidating presence while sticking closer and closer to its counterpart.
     
    ”I am that blood running through our veins and giving all the energy to live, breathe, and love. The warm embrace of a mother tending to her child or a brother stricken with grief over the loss of his younger self.” Retorted the figure of starlight interlocked with the dark figure’s arms.
     
    “Loss… I am the loss of loved ones and the vengeance that rises to claim love…” But before the dreary entity could finish, it was interrupted.
     
    ”You are grief and sorrow, but also the passage of time and the promise of a new life, swallowed by mystery and possibilities.” The gentle figure swayed from side to side, holding the hands of darkness close.
     
    ”No! I am the death of all that is beautiful and sacred, the absolute end of all life, unloving and unloved by all. “A universe-wide process that will take everything from everyone.”Said the deathly figure, extending his arms and throwing its glowing partner away.
     
    ”We are the cycle of life and death, I give the gifts, and at the end of all, you receive them with care and sadness, guiding them solemnly to their due place with restlessness.” Life retorted, stepping closer and in rhythm with its deadly partner, making death lift it in the air gracefully.
     
    ”Stop it! For I am annihilation, the massacre, and the end of even existence itself when the universe ends, I shall harvest even my own self.” Shouted death, with tears in its eyes.
     
    ”You are the opportunity for rebirth and starting anew for the universe itself.” Whispered life, finally leaning in for a kiss that would seal the end of time.

    1. Faketruth Avatar
      Faketruth

      Quite intriguing so basically these two beings are the depictions of life and death and what seems like death who wants to run rampant and destroy all is ina dance of words with life who tries to keep it in bay. Very cool one thing though is I would like to know more on the place they lay at

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I am pretty sure I had already commented in this story. Was it deleted and posted again? Unfortunately, I can’t recover the previous comment, which undoubtedly was a little more complete and had the impact of the first read, so I’ll just point out a small thing that I remember from that first impression.

      The thing I love the most about this story is how it start and how it ends. The beginning’s description is incredibly captivating, conjuring that image of a conflict that happens in movement and words – an argument that is made in the exchange of ideas given shape and visceral intensity given motion. And I find the way this conflict ends quite moving – not only is Life sealing the end of everything in the kiss she gives Death, she is also punctuating how she sees Death and how Death should embrace d/Death themselves.

      Amazing story.

    3. Oliver Enslad Avatar
      Oliver Enslad

      Life and Death fighting over what they are to another is a very unique take. Often times arguments are over people’s nurtured values in stories, but this is two people arguing over Death’s nature itself. The tears in his eyes remind me of how painful it is to be the bad guy when you have a good heart, needing love but not feeling it despite receiving it. A story like this make Death and death easier to accept, especially as it tells of the growth such an ending brings. I love the take on Death, and I love the dance this painted in my mind.
      The only critique I have, which I think can only be fixed with a larger format, is I would’ve loved more detail of how Life re-embraces Death after being thrown away in form. “Throwing it’s glowing partner away” makes me think Life is further than able to simply be lifted again at the end of another sentence, and my mind makes up for the idea but I would’ve appreciated seeing how you saw Life trying to again approach a violent Death. Lovely story!

  16. Cartographers Notebook Avatar
    Cartographers Notebook

    Aurora
    By: Cartographers notebook

    TIME OF REPORT: 8.37
    LOCATION: NORTH POLE OBSERVATORY

    The hour had grown late; our coffee machine was broken so we were all tired beyond belief. The night sky was incredible though. Not a cloud to be seen, the stars standing bright for our observations, so I decided to stay up. So as the others went to bed at around 1.00, I remained at the seat of the main telescope.

    That’s when it first started. I was starting to fall asleep when something I could never have anticipated occurred.

    I heard birdsong.

    Now you may say that I am a fool, delusional, or that I was simply tired. Birds in Antarctica are an impossible occurrence. But I tell you, this was true birdsong, like that of the first days of spring when the birds come home from their winter dwellings.
    So, I went to inspect this weird phenomenon. I expected to find nothing, maybe a phone alarm or a computer left without being shut down. When I found nothing of the sort, I logically concluded that I was merely delusional. But something didn’t feel right. So, I went outside.

    As I look back upon it I don’t know whether or not I wish I hadn’t.

    Before me, in the very sky above me, I saw birds. Not birds like those in spring, but birds made of light, dragging long tails of aurora over the horizon. Birds from every corner of the globe, flying on shared wings. As I watched more and more gathered, flying from every direction I could fathom, twirling in a dance of colors, and a symphony of songs. They flew in an elegant yet complex pattern that, if I were to put it into words, would be a mockery of what I saw.

    I don’t know how long I had been standing there when they found me. They tell me I had grown a pale blue from the cold. To be fair I do not remember what happened after I saw it. Whatever it was.
    But I know this. It was beautiful. So beautiful.

    (END OF REPORT)

    1. Sniperaxiom Avatar
      Sniperaxiom

      I really like this use of the prompt! It’s very clever that these birds are swirling into a sort of dance in the sky. The repeated mentions of how the author of the report is not able to describe what they saw lends another element of intrigue. I also love to see the use of Antarctica and the desolateness of it to make something as mundane of bird song extraordinary. Then I wonder how exactly the birds relate to your universe here. I don’t quite understand what they are lol.

      My only nitpick is that maybe the sentence, “Before me, in the sky above me, I saw birds” could have simply been, “In the sky above me I saw birds.” You could even say “I looked up to the sky above me and I saw birds” or smth if you wanted to be more descriptive.

      Anyways great story :D! Keep it up!

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This was a blast to read. Amazing story.

      I love how it at once it makes a very traditional use of what I expect of this register (it is a report, after all, so it has to be detailed and encompass the complete sequence of events and thoughts that transpired) and also kind of make something unexpected with it, when trying to deal with a situation that is not only full of wonderment, but is also, as said, impossible to really put into words.

      The description of the phenomena is quite compelling and beautiful. And there are some sentences that are just amazing in themselves. I particularly loved” I logically concluded that I was merely delusional”.

      My only small bit of nitpick would be in the very fist paragraph. I´d dropped the initial “So” of the last line of the first paragraph. That particular conjunction is not all necessary to build the idea of one fact leading into another there, and it sounds a bit cacophonous since the same particle had just been used in the line before.

      That was a great story! Thanks a lot for sharing!

    3. I was hooked after only reading the first few lines. The uniqueness stuck out to me and I loved every moment I spent reading and re-reading it. Going into the prompt of “celestial waltz” I did not expect to find anything scientific, for lack of a better word, but I think you nailed it. The surreal phenomena matching the prompt in an otherwise realistic setting is simply fun to read.

      Only small nitpick, as I see the other to replies pointed out, are minor grammatical issues, most of which I didn’t even catch on my first read anyways. I still think it is an amazing piece with great imagery and a great setting. Amazing work!

    4. This was a really fun read! The use of birds as the stars in this one was really interesting, and the setting of Antarctica helped make the sight come off as more majestic. The implication that the speaker was just hallucinating was really interesting and I wonder if it was just the southern lights that they had seen. Either way it was described marvelously and had a great sense of wonder and amazement.

  17. What Happened

    By: Hastaw

    “People just don’t want to work anymore” while asking them for jobs. “You know, you can get a job at a factory” when every business uses their machines to repair things. “You should be grateful they take their time to program these” when all they did was type a few words into an engine.

    I am nothing. Useless; so is everyone else at this point. Humans are nothing but tools; those things are no different. They’re all Dead, soulless monsters. When we die, ai will keep working needlessly.

    Cover with a hood. Let no one see you. Why even try at this point?

    “Hey! Find a job yet?” She asked with a hopeful look in her eye. “N-no.” silence. I just continued walking.

    There’s hushed whispering in the corners of the alley. Almost no one here understands what employment is. I crawl into the old machine when I hear, “Going somewhere?” I didn’t understand; is it an old joke? “I didn’t know you could drive,” the voice said. “Drive?” I questioned. “Whatever happened to the days you could walk up to people and ask them for work?” While he talked, I grasped the situation. “Have any more?”
    “Heh. You got money?”
    I blushed. “No.”
    “Hahaha! You should see your face!” He handed me the last of his alcoholic concoction.
    “Thank you! It’s been ages.”
    “Been a long time since I had a drinkin’ buddy.”

    We spent all night telling stories about mine and his generation. How easy it was back in his day to get a job. Sure, it was possible. That was all you needed. Man. If only I lived a fraction of his generation; I envy him.

    “This feels like heaven.”
    “Alcohol does that to you,” he said with a sad smile.
    “What happened?” He murmured to himself.
    I would like to know what happened to these moving machines and beautiful cities. The stranger quietly got up, leaving me to enjoy the grayish hues of the sunset by myself.

  18. Skeleton Avatar
    Skeleton

    Misplaced Debris (The Will)
    By Skeleton

    It had annihilated three of Orlunae’s elite guard—nay, the figure had toyed with them until their mechanical, perfect nature failed them. Nobody could stand against her brother, she knew that firsthand. And yet the way it moved—the way it danced around them as if it was nothing more than some game… her brother was never that playful.

    The Woman in White protected the unconscious body of the Sufferer’s protégé, watching the figure contort and stretch the body that had been meant for him. Looking up to the sky, the unknown variable recoiled in disgust. “What the fuck is that?!” it lamented, motioning towards Orlunae’s relatively new orbiting satellite. “Is that sediment from the bottom of the ocean?! MY ocean?!”

    “It’s debris from a inviolium bomb,” the Woman in White said, standing now and stepping over the body of the dragoness. “With a liveable, gooey core of all the core essences of our disobedient creations.”

    “It’s called a rhetorical question, sis,” the unknown said with a flamboyant twirl of his black clothes. “What I really want to know is how our little, conniving Orlunae thought it was a good idea to disregard my direct orders: no new celestial bodies! How hard is that?!”

    The Woman in White stopped, hesitating in her assumptions. “…you are not my brother,” she reasoned. “He was never so—”

    “Lively? Emotional?” The man smiled deviously—playfully, swaying his shoulders from side to side as he approached. The curved blade in his hands broke in two, liquidating into something like ink and forming into her brother’s favorite weapons: high-velocity lead launchers. “Well… he never liked me anyways, so he cut me loose and threw me into the queue. You know how it is with him.”

    At the sight of his endearing, awaiting smile as he pointed both of his guns at her, the Woman in White, couldn’t help but smile in nostalgia as she readied her own. “I certainly know how it was, and you won’t be winning again. You’re only a fraction of your original power!”

    “Oh sweetheart… a fraction of infinity is still infinity. Now… Let’s dance!”

    1. I started, and the further I read, the more exciting it became. I like the tension buildup in the end, it’s captivating, and it really made me want to read what was going on during the fight itself.
      The only thing felt off is the amount of new images (characters) introduced in a short amount of time: Orlunae’s elite guard, the thing, Woman in White. In fact, I had to re-read the beginning a few times, before I understood what was happening.
      The further it went though, the clearer it became, ending up clarifying things for the most part near the end.
      I like the way you described the actions and motion of the characters, I found it really fitting.
      Overall, great and interesting story, a pity that it had to be squished into the word count, as I’d love to know more.

  19. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    Ice Waltz Memoria (Amelia)
    by Lee Strangely

    Even though the cave shielded little Dumas from the elements, it was still just as cold, if not colder than it was out there. The harsh frigid air burned his lungs. It was a mistake to have wandered this far, but by now the weather made any return all but impossible. Yes, the cave provided shelter, but honestly, it wasn’t entirely what drew him there…

    It was faint; the clinking, and tinging, like the sound of glasses touching and rubbing up against one another. It echoed through the icy cave, and grew more prevalent the further in he went.

    As close as he was getting to the noise, he immediately froze when movement crossed the edge of his vision. Just around the corner, it looked like the cave ceiling opened up. Some sunlight slipped through, but the large snowdrifts and ice sheets above kept nearly everything else out. In the light he could see them glistening, two little objects.

    Clink, tink, tink.

    They looked sort of like, little glass people.

    Clink, tink, tink.

    Step by step, they slowly spun themselves in an embrace along the frozen floor. Leaning out a little further he was startled to see a woman laying against the wall, relatively close to him. Thankfully, she wasn’t facing him, but to the ice figures.

    Seemingly by the wave of her hand, the light began to dim. Dumas looked up and was astonished as the ice over him began to thicken. The slivers of sunlight gradually shrank into smaller dots. Looking back at the figures, they continued to dance under faux starlight.

    Dumas jumped and nearly fled when the woman suddenly turned her head, but thankfully still didn’t see him. A layer of frost surrounded her watering eyes. As another tear prepared to trickle down, she immediately wiped it away, casting it into the air. The teardrop froze instantly, before shattering like glass upon hitting the ground.

    He gasped.

    The figures stopped.

    1. Okay. First of all – it was really-really enjoyable. The scene you portrayed, those seemingly just a few moments, were very easy to imagine, and no less beautiful.
      I liked the use of onomatopoeias for the noise, they are pretty underused in my opinion, and here – they were just right.
      Of course, I am interested, who is Dumas, or that crying woman, and what are their future fates, that being said however, I was drawn to that single event, well-described in my humble opinion. Great job!

    2. I liked this story, a lot. And especially the picture it describes, it’s really beatiful. Two figurines made of ice, dancing through magical means. Really pretty.
      And I like the idea of the Celestial part being ice that’s made to let light through as if it was that of the stars, that’s another plus.

      This is probably part of a bigger thing, although I’m not too sure, I don’t always have time to read all stories (sometimes I hardly have time to write one myself), plus my memory’s not too well (I even forget most of what I wrote for the prompts, too), but in this case it doesn’t really matter; it doesn’t take away from the story. Though I do wonder who that woman is and why she probably is crying.

      There’s just one thing I have to critique a bit: the beginning of the third paragraph (“As close as he was getting to the noise, […]”) reads a little… weird. As if you rewrote this bit, but something was left over. Each time I read this piece, that sentence made me trip up a bit, and I can’t even say for sure why. Sorry.

      But all in all, a very lovely story. Thank you a lot for writing and sharing this!

  20. All That Shines
    By Taja DaLeen

    She’s very honored to have been chosen for this part. She never thought she’d get the chance, with her water powers being as weak as they are; she still has trouble controlling it, and is quite far from conjuring it out of air.

    Still, she is this year’s Levi-Tiamat, High Demoness of Water and Demon Lord of Envy. Right now she’s getting ready for the play, being dressed in flowing blues and painted to resemble the sea horse demoness a bit more.

    Looking into the mirror in amazement, she can’t quite believe it’s true yet, no matter how much work she’s already put into this; into learning her lines and moves and the dance that follows presenting the moon jar.

    During the play she’s also still in a bit of a haze, going through the learned motions on autopilot. That is, until she notices you, standing there, watching. Just like last year, and the years before; watching with that same look of want she used to have.

    Now she has to concentrate, for that is the very moment it all becomes real to her. She is this year’s Levi-Tiamat, and watched by everyone living in this underground and probably even more people.

    In spite of her nervousness she manages not to make any mistakes. But during that last dance she envies the valkyrya-dancers. Not because they really look amazing, and exactly like what nonmagicals would call angels, as she would have thought before; no, it’s the simple fact they choose a partner from the audience that makes her even closer to the demoness she’s representing.

    And one of them chooses you, to twirl you across the center square; pretending to guide you to the Other World, to safety, while you still hold your moon jar high, smiling softly.

    How she would have loved to be a valkyrya right now, to waltz with you. Being able to watch that look of gratitude and honor you’re wearing not from afar, but up close…

    But she’s dancing all alone.

    Because she’s this year’s Levi-Tiamat, Demon Lord of Envy. And it’s a great honor.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Wow, that was a reading full of surprises. At first I thought that one would be a third person perspective through and through… and suddenly we are tossed amidst the narrative without warning! This had a very interesting effect in immersion, though I can’t quite describe what exactly it was. As if this time we had time to acclimate to the story and the character we are following, before taking a deep dive and becoming drenched into the world and the emotional turmoil at play here.

      And I must confess that, even with the repetition mantra on her being this year Levi-Tiamat, I was still surprised when at the end I really noticed how it all ties together considering she is to represent the Demon Lord of Envy. That puts it all in perspective in a brilliant way.

      Apart from these comments, al other things would be me repeating myself. I really like your style, and the way this world is presented through it. And even though there are things that I learned to expect from your stories, I still get surprised every time. There is always a breeze of fresh air blowing in these pieces (even if this is supposed to be underground).

      Amazing tale.

    2. IntenseSpooks Avatar
      IntenseSpooks

      Just lovely, the contrast between the excitement from attaining the desired role in the play and the sudden realization that this year was different, that envy is the very center of that role.

    3. I have to say I was really surprised when “you” was thrown in there. I didn’t know how the Demon Lord of Envy title would come into play but it was very pleasant to see the end result. The fact that her achievement is bittersweet because she can’t be with you, but that very thing is reaffirming her status— it’s heart-wrenching. This was really good!

  21. Marshall Avatar
    Marshall

    And the earth went quiet
    by Marshall

    The end.

    A choking feeling climbed up her throat but she pushed it down. She could deal with her feelings later (except there was no later anymore and there never would be again).

    “May I ask for a dance?“
    Elpis flinched and turned around, eyes narrowing in on the stranger beside her.
    “The world is ending“, she deadpanned, pinning him with an unimpressed glare, “and you want to dance with me.”
    The stranger just shrugged, eyes sparkling with mirth that hid something much deeper, something familiar. Elpis averted her gaze.

    Above them the moon shone brightly, too bright.

    Down below crushing waves reflected the silvery light and Elpis couldn’t help but stare. Despite the light the water seemed so dark, ready to swallow her up, to take away her air and crush her lungs just like-
    No. No no no no. Nothing will happen, everything will be fine.
    (Uncontrollable tremors wracked her body. She’s never been good at lying).

    A hand, warm and comforting and real found its way into hers. She took a deep breath and for the first time in forever thought back to her parents, holding each other close in their living room while soft music filled the air. Warm and safe.
    “Teach me a waltz?“
    The stranger smiled at that. “Sure.“

    Their dance was clumsy, Elpis tumbling over her own feet more than once. The stranger laughed at that, catching her just before she hit the ground. Elpis laughed along.
    After a while, her steps became steadier. Maybe, with a little more practice, she could actually learn this (but the water was drawing nearer and the smoke was rising higher and there was just no time).

    Nothing mattered anymore. It was just them. Two souls that never got to meet each other joined as one, dancing to the music of their dying world, covered in the silvery light of their demise.
    The stranger twirled around, pulling Elpis along.
    She laughed again (pretending to not feel, to not see her fear reflected in their eyes).

    So they danced
    on and on and on
    until slowly
    their music came to a halt.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      “tanzt, tanzt, sonst sind wir verloren”

      I love the message and theme of this story. The world is ending, nothing can be saved – except for, perhaps, this moment. So we dance (“Alors on danse”). I’m a bit perplexed as to how many quotations and songs are coming to my mind with this very message (with different measures of what may be ending or how the end of the world is being conceptualized). I guess, in the end, dancing is what we are left with (“Dancers at the end of time”).

      Okay, enough references. I really love this one. The descriptions on the approaching ending and how its eminence interrupt the story as a kind of intrusive thought are a great way to set the tone and maintain that setting in mind. The tension is quite high, although it is clear from the beginning there is nothing that could be done to prevent it. So what we are left with is the experience of the moment. And the story does a great job in developing the moment and how conflicting it is to just allow oneself to then live it while the end is near (even if nothing more would matter anyway). Recently, I had a conversation with a dancer friend of mine and we were discussing something along the lines that only the useless things are really worth saving – and I was instantly taken aback by the feeling of that conversation while reading this story.

      And I can’t help but noticed the choice of the name of the character we are following – in fact, I had written a story for the prompt last week with a character with the very same name – , and I found that a very interesting choice. That particular name and the way the character reacts to what is happening puts a lot into perspective.

      Really interesting story. I had an amazing time reading it – and it left me with lots of interesting thoughts. Great story, really. Thanks a lot for sharing it!

  22. The Missing Link Avatar
    The Missing Link

    A Dance in a Sea of Stars
    By: The Missing Link

    The messages from God stopped. Orson had sent out one single message to that voice in the sky, “We are here,” or at least as close as he could approximate in the strange language God transmitted in.

    Sound as a means of communication had always seemed strange to him. Sure, the whales seemed to get along fine with it, but his lack of ability to understand it frustrated his curious mind. His partners on this mission swam nervously around their tank, flashing a combination of irritation and worry across their chromatophores.

    In the long days since cephalopods created pressure suits to explore the surface of their planet, they had been intrigued by the strange, unnatural structures that covered it, stone and metal that could only have been intentionally made, and then came God’s signal, an electric impulse they eventually came to understand as some kind of call, bounced off the moon by some other satellite orbiting the earth.

    From that day, with an almost religious fervor, cephalopods of all species began their work. They would go to the moon and see the face of God, the being who could explain why the world was what it was, to prove to themselves that they were not the only sapient beings in the universe.

    The squids won.

    Not without great effort, even stopping an octopus spy from sabotaging the trip, but Orson and his crew had done it. They had landed on the moon and spoken to God.

    Orson had always thought God was another squid, or at least something like one, so he danced a suggestion to his colleagues, chromatophores filling it with color and meaning, “We should send God a video feed.” Of course visual displays carried more meaning, but they had been trying to meet God on its terms.

    Luna watched in stunned silence as an image appeared before her, three giant mollusks danced through the water, and the signal was… from the moon, impossible. But it was happening.

    She felt tears in whatever was left of her eyes. She wasn’t alone.

    And so, she answered Earth’s new masters.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I found the concept of this story fascinating. And the way you delve into it is amazing. The whole thing is filled with wonderment – and there is something that is quite funny to the whole situation, while never once not being quite serious and thought-provoking as well.

      And, I don’t know. Maybe stories about eight-legged critters are just my jam, so I may be partial here.

      There is a lot of things that it opens as questions, but they are more like things that sprout from the story as basis for other things rather than elements to try to delve even deeper (at least, I think the way it leaves said questions is one of the amazing things it does; answering some of them would change the tone a lot): why do they take the messages to be from a god figure? how did the translation effort worked on – and how do they know they are, indeed, getting the right message? From the other end, was Luna really receiving the message they thought they send – considering they are not even sure on the intricacies of that particular language, not only alien but transmitted in such a strange medium?

      Great story, and an incredibly enjoyable read!

    2. You know, when I first read this, I only thought it was a really cool idea to use cephalopods for this prompt (and even more, having them be the ones to step into the footsteps of humans, more or less); and I liked it, a lot. It’s weird, it’s different, and it’s far off from anything I would have thought of for this prompt.
      But then I read it again, and I noticed that this is a companion piece to last week’s story; and that was what pretty much made me love these two stories. (Even if I’m a little sad for the squids that their God probably isn’t exactly what they hoped God would be.)

      So, amazing job, well done. Thank you for writing and sharing, I enjoyed it greatly.

  23. Danced away
    by Lucy

    My cheek upon my hand, my eyes closed, my hand upon my staff. Only for a short while, my sister wandering in the distance urges me to carry on. I can see it on her face: “Don’t stop walking! Carry your duty with grace. They depend on us”
    What she cannot understand is that we do not depend on them; I need a break, just for a few hundred years. I’m sure they’d barely notice a difference from the times I turn my back on her. Every so often I cannot stand the radiance any more, I reckon they need a break too. My sister doesn’t know that when I’m out of sight, the land falls dark, except for our cousins far away leading the way. It’s then that I rest my head. Oh, what I would give to to stay asleep for more than a day, but I cannot travel ahead of my raging sister fast enough.

    Lost in my thoughts about far away cousins that we will never reach, who accompany me and make my work easier, I step higher and higher, fleeing my sister’s light. I do not hear her screams of rage, of fear, of despair as I set my foot onto the uneven surface. Had I turned my head I could have seen my sister jump higher and higher to reach me, her light shining brighter than before to reach the surface of our home that I am abandoning.

    Warmed by her light, now reflecting off a gigantic rock I lean my head against the stone and give to it my power over the waves. Lighter than ever I feel the call of cousins. Faster than ever I follow. All I can think of is to dance away into stranger systems. Passing all my siblings who still run around, I wave to them. I dance away, shaking off the memory of my duty. It will be continued and maybe one day I will return. But now the music fills my soul.
    One, two, three; one, two, three, I dance away in circular motions, unable to escape the habits of my past.

    1. John R. R. Knaus Avatar
      John R. R. Knaus

      I really enjoy the play of rythym with the planets and the idea of them being related here, it makes me feel like we ae all cosmic brothers and sister even to the celestial bodies themselves.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I love the sense of duty and the weight of duty this story presents. It takes something of such a grand scale and conveys it in such a mundane (and, yet, epic) way that it gives it a whole new perspective.

      And the way the last paragraphs seemingly conjoin the idea of resting and dancing, giving in and getting out… it has a lyrical quality to it that is very interesting.

      I found this one quite enjoyable. Thanks a lot for sharing it with us!

    3. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      This was a very interesting piece. It’s so sad to think about the moon being exhausted by their duty to circle the Earth, but also seems completely understandable.

      I love the image of the sun as raging and with a temper and being so exhausting that the moon just sometimes needs to turn away from her.

      I also appreciate that this moon spirit didn’t just leave us all to be obliterated by the disruption to the tides, but passed on the power before they left.

      The image that stuck out the most to me was of the stars as cousins. I just really love that idea. It’s a lovely little family connection and makes the “call of the cousins” that much more irresistible.

      Thanks for sharing!

  24. Sniperaxiom Avatar
    Sniperaxiom

    The North Sends Her Love

    By Sniperaxiom

    (Based off a true story)

    One late December night, we The Union nursed our wounds left by the worst loss we had experienced yet.

    In giving every ounce of effort we had, my fellow soldiers and I managed to suffer through 36 hours of a one sided battle. Reinforcement had come to relieve us of our position but we could not resign ourselves to depart before laying the hollow bodies of our fallen comrades to sweet eternal rest.

    Heaven prepared that these hero’s would have a starlight burial. So we went about the solemn and loving work of putting away the faces of brothers, sons, and fathers in the embracing earth.

    It was no wonder that some in our ranks struggled to find hope.

    There was a chorus of dull shovel thuds and pitiful moans of the wounded. Those who were well enough to bury our dead did not speak much. We allowed the grim chorus to sing its tune.

    This drab and tragic scene awoke in the sky a dance of divine sympathy. The North herself, with all her blinding beauty and freedom, drifted southward to smile upon us. She thrust out elegant rivers of red and blue, embroidered with gold. The aurora borealis kissed the dull landscape and tired faces with its blessed magnificence.

    Bewildered eyes gazed up in awe as The North declared her love across the Verginia sky and the battlefield of Fredericksburg.

    I thought it was impossible for the northern lights to invade the south with her beauty. Apparently The North had a way of shining even when she was far from home.

    Perhaps it was an omen of good, sent to invigorate us ragged troops who began to lose hope. The natural beauty of The North was sweet like mead and twice as intoxicating to gaze upon. In the silent awe men found and grasped the once illusive hope.

    Indeed, this wonderful funeral given by the heavens with the love of The North would hardly be fit for our dead if we were to lose the war.

  25. Reinkarnitor Avatar
    Reinkarnitor

    Dancing on starlight

    by Reinkarnitor

    The moon shined bright, and the stars glittered beside it on the night sky. And on the ground they shimmered as well, reflected in the shallow water of the parks pond.

    “That’s one thing I’ll never get tired of. It’s a good thing we always go out at night” the boy with messy brown hair said and smiled at the black-haired girl sitting next to him at the ponds shore.

    She smiled back but murmured: “I only wish I could see the sun as well…at least for a bit, you know John?”

    He looked at her and his face showed that he was thinking. He knew that Fiona must really miss seeing the sunlight. To be honest he does not even know how long it must’ve been since she last saw the bright star which illuminated the sky during the day. He also knew though, that it was incredibly dangerous for her. The best she could do would be watching through her window while staying in the shadows. But he, yet again, also knew that saying this would not really help raise her mood.

    Suddenly John stood up and took his shoes off, walking into the shallow water of the pond. He then turned around and offered her his hand.

    “May I have this dance, milady?”

    Fiona blushed, but took his hand, getting on her feet and stepping into the pond. Her feet however did not sink into the water, instead she was standing on it.

    “You may” she whispered and the two got into the basic position for a waltz.

    They interlocked hands and he placed his right hand on her left shoulder, and she placed her left hand on his upper arm. Slowly they started dancing and spinning, the stars above and beneath them were their only audience.

    Then they got slower, and Fiona leaned her head against his chest.

    “You’re lucky this is no running water” she sighed happily.

    “How about we watch the sunrise from inside today? Together.”

    She smiled.

    “I’d like that.”

    So they kept slowly spinning, arms gently wrapped around each other.

  26. Aracnarquista Avatar
    Aracnarquista

    Fettered Flame
    by Aracnarquista

    What do you want me to confess? Following a creed even older than the stories told by your church? Performing the fire dancing rites to the changing seasons?

    I know there is no recourse to my situation. I know I’ll be found guilty, and executed. Another follower of the Devouring Flame slain under the eyes of the First Lawmaker.

    But I don’t fear death.

    I know you want me to tell you where the festival takes place.Your god commands you to interrupt it, to eradicate the foolish beliefs of savages.

    Isn’t it curious, though?

    How does the story go? The First Lawmaker tamed the Devouring Flame, and took her light to see and judge all. The great force of chaos, turned into an instrument and weapon of the Law…

    If that is so, why do you keep having to hunt us down? Why do you fear us?

    Why does your god fear us?

    I won’t tell you where the rites are performed. There is nothing you could do to make me betray my creed.

    But I can tell you the things your church doesn’t tell you.

    Don’t worry. I won’t claim the stories in the Books of Azani are lies. They are just told from a specific point of view. Our perspective on the story is a lot messier, and there is nothing the priests of Azani hate more than lack of order…

    Order, then. How did their feud begin? Scripture never claims Azani created the world.

    All come from the Inextinguishable Flame. Even the Forger of Laws. But he abhorred the chaos that gives birth to existence. He craved order, control. So he imprisoned the Flame.

    He couldn’t extinguish it. He could only contain it. He took her mad dance and enforced a pattern, a reason into it. He led the flame to fall into step with his rigid waltz.

    But the Flame is Inextinguishable, and Untamable.

    You can dictate the rhythm for some time… but nothing can contain the wild dance forever.

    All come from the Inextinguishable Flame. And, in time, all return to her. Even Azani.

    1. A religious twist on the proverbial waltz greater than the existence of the followers. I like.

      I like how this story acknowledges that the scripture of religion is manipulated through an interpretation that purposely keeps the followers blinded by an illusion of order.

      Chaos is typically seen as a bad thing when it’s an amoral concept exercised as a mutual freedom to everything. You have as much compromise with everything and everyone that they’ll ALLOW. Which is its own order weirdly.

      And I didn’t expect to get good lore in this. I bet the Lawmaker followers didn’t expect an in depth lore either. I’d like to think that one follower was like, “Woah! This is cooler than our version! Also, it feels like I’m actually having my questions answered. So thanks!”

      Now have a like for that lore!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Joe. This is, in fact, lore from one of the scenarios I’ve been developing for some good years (though, admittedly, I don’t think getting the perspective of the followers of the Flame just at the beginning does what I intend the narrative of the scenario to do), and the whole thing about the different stories being compatible, but showing different values is a great part of it.

        And writing about things that we previously worldbuilt a lot about is hard. I had to refrain myself from peppering the whole thing with strange names and elements that were superfluous to this small bit.

        It seemed so fitting with the concept of the celestial waltz, my mind rushed to the mad dance of the Inextinguishable Flame. The story needed to be about her, and this particular confrontation was the best way to tell the story (I had another version where it had a more communal sharing of lore experience and a lot of comparisons with flames of all sizes, but there was no chance it would fit the word limit).

        And… I believe some of the Lawmaker followers could be open to a new message – the problem is that, as these things go, the lore is what they are; they values they try to hold is such a core component of how they see themselves that it is quite difficult not to see other perspectives as just wrong.

        Anyway, thanks a lot for the comment. It is great knowing you find that lore interesting. I’ll keep worldbuilding that one, and perhaps in time I’ll start sharing some more narratives in that same setting.

    2. I really like this one a lot, and all those ideas that are hidden in there, all the tidbits of worldbuilding and stuff. Especially that it’s a dancing flame that created the world is something I want to know more about.
      And it reminds me quite a bit of the whole chaos vs. order thing by Moorcock, which is another big plus.
      (I’ll always be leaning more towards the chaotic side, haha. But I guess that comes with being someone creative.)

      And I can throw some praise right back at you! The way this is written, like someone’s talking to the reader, made it very engaging and fun to read. Seems like you’re really good at employing that perspective as well, haha!

      Thank you for writing and sharing this story, I enjoyed it a lot!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, DaLeen!

        This was a fun one to write – it was precisely the idea of dance, and then thinking on how precise and somewhat formal a waltz is, that made me think of that particular scenario. I hadn’t written anything in it in quite the time, so I had some fun delving back into the old notes and re-meeting some old concepts and ideas that were something like dearly missed friends.

        And that setting has its fair share of Moorckckian ideas, I’d say…. and, well, what can I say? I also lean towards the more chaotic side, even if it might burn sometimes!

        Thanks a lot for the kind words!

    3. Ooooo! This is SO interesting! I’m genuinely in awe that you were able to get so much lore into the word limit and have it sound so natural and keep it so easy to digest.

      I love the idea of these warring factions of order and chaos, especially since chaos isn’t the defacto bad one. You could easily see the lure to either side, especially with law and order making logical sense to follow.

      But I think what I like the most about this is that the narrator seems to be very knowledgeable of both sides. Enough to know what version of events the followers of the First Lawmaker were taught. This could be because the followers of the Inextinguishable Flame need to know their enemy to survive or because the narrator is a defector, so they’ve learned both sides.

      Either way, this story is absolutely fascinating and very well done.

      Excellent take on the prompt!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Marx.

        Yeah, the whole setup of the scenario in which that story takes place is a conflict in beliefs and worldviews, where no specific worldview should be taken as good or bad… though some are definitively more strange and destructive than the others. This here is a small glimpse of one of the most pervasive conflicts – and the thing is that most of the hegemonic culture in most of the continent is shaped by followers of the First Lawmaker (even if there are some differences in interpretation between them as well). Most of those that follow the Flame need to hide their beliefs, and they are, in fact, very few and far between.

        It makes a lot of sense in seeing them a bit like the tropperific La Resistance living behind enemy lines – so, yeah, needing to know the customs and truths of the others is certainly a must (though, in their case it is most the result of living in a world shaped by the beliefs of the Lawmaker more than anything).

        Anyway, thanks a lot for the comment. This was a fun one to write as well.

    4. Oliver Enslad Avatar
      Oliver Enslad

      The way you dictated the grandness of your story without using stars, planets, or even known gods is so fascinating. A dance that’s the equivalent of the Big Bang or even is the Big Bang. The description of the flame only being softened or denied it’s chaos for but a second brings interest to if the church trying to interrupt the Rite is trying to prevent a world wide reset, or existence wide reset so to speak. It reminds me of a particular cult I grew out of, and how when I embraced the world itself I found it was more complicated but more beautiful too. To put the flame’s patterns into music itself is also clever, as the snap, crackle, and pop can be put into a step, spin, step pattern.
      Even on their deathbed, the character is still choosing to almost taunt it’s captors, the confidence they have in their faith is inspiring. Your writing in this case is as timeless as some bible stories themselves, I only wish I knew more of the powers at play here.

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot for the comment, Oliver!

        Yeah, I love when the stories one knows prove to be just part of the whole picture, and the reality of it all becomes more and more complex.

        That interpretation of a reset was not something I had in mind, but it does sound incredibly compelling. I love it.

        I had another piece into which I effectively compared different flames (from a candle, a campfire, and then a forest fire) to different dances, each more wild and unpredictable… I really liked those comparisons, but they didn’t really fit with this particular story (though, the feeling of it is there in the whole idea of a dancing flame).

        Thanks a lot!

    5. VulpesRose Avatar
      VulpesRose

      There is so much here, despite the word limit. I adore the competing religious stories, since it creates such an interesting dynamic between the two. It isn’t everything you believe is wrong, it’s our version is different and maybe the people in power don’t want you to hear this one.

      I almost got the feeling that the narrator had perhaps been on the other side of this conversation before, perhaps at his own conversion, since he seemed to know what to say in order to be the most persuasive and poke all the right holes that might get his audience to listen, or at least to linger in their minds even after he is gone.

      The conflict between order and chaos is so interesting too, because either one taken to an extreme is incredibly dangerous.

      I’m going to be thinking about this one for a while. So well done. Thanks for sharing!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Rose!

        I had a small thing in another version of the story (one that ultimately would not be even closer to a lenght I could then trim down to the word limit, so I abandoned it) in which it was said that the followers of Azani abhor lying, though they are not against torturing the truth enough for it to basically tell their own version of events. The followers of the Flame had no such qualms about lying, so that they may dwell among the more numerous Lawmaker worshipers and stay alive (and keep their faith alive as well). The whole thing about how stories are told and how they pass down is a huge theme I’d like to explore more, and I find it interesting to make the stories compatible, even if the ultimate messages are at disagreement.

        And I hadn’t really planned for the narrator to had been on the other side before, but there are at least two comments pointing this possibility out – so, maybe there is something to it. There is a compelling possibility in that, and it might even imply some other strategy of survival of the tale. Perhaps the life of this narrator is indeed forfeit, but maybe another one is being produced right then and there.

        Thanks a lot for the comment and the kind words!

  27. An Alien Dance
    by Weiss

    Bravo, my friend! Sit down, take a breath. Your dance was incredible – truly a marvelous performance. Look at the crowd! I haven’t seen such excitement since…

    Speaking of which. I’ve been thinking…

    Your human society has many dances. All those foxtrots and tangos, sambas and salsas. And waltz! Slow waltz, Viennese waltz…

    But have you ever heard of Waltz from the planet AB-212 ?

    They say it’s magical. The most beautiful way of dancing, all in our infinitely stretched swarm of Galaxies…

    As the music starts – everything else looses motion. And as you gain speed – even Time itself takes a break to observe this miraculous phantasmagoria of moments. And for a brief instant, the world becomes a scene. There is nothing apart from you – your body and mind in perfect harmony, your hands stretching out into the void, grabbing stars from the nightsky, stealing planets from orbits, rearranging them into unspeakable patterns of kinetic stasis, your feet weaving an illusory string of steps into continuous flow. You become the Universe.
    And with the last of those steps – it ends. Music quietens, and you are standing there again – amidst the crowd of astonished viewers and other dancers gazing at you with awe and admiration.

    I happened to witness it in person. I couldn’t avert my eyes, as if hypnotized by the dancer. As few of your Earthen years went by, I finally asked him – how did he learn such an intricate craft? How does one acquires a skill high enough to be able to perform this celestial Waltz?

    And he told me, that I am mistaken. The very nature of Waltz from the planet AB-212 is, that it’s only possible to complete by pure chance. Everyone can do it. There are no rules, no requirements – it just happens. The only way to dance – is to try, and get lucky.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This is very interesting.

      I think the narrator voice here does wonders in conveying the proper tone to the story. the narrator is quite interested in dance in general, and in the Waltz from AB-212 in particular, but even more he is interested in the experience of being confronted by its seeming impossibility and learning of how such a craft is even possible. And it seems like it all gives an entire new re-evaluation of dance as a whole, and this discovery is what he tries to convey again. It is his passion of the experience and the subject that allows the experience to be conveyed in such an interesting way.

      And I just love the ending in which the thing is basically being led by… well, the Universe. This is such an alien and yet familiar thing when talking about dance, that I love how it ends up reinserting the strange alien waltz once again among the other dance styles.

      Very interesting idea, and a very well told story!

      1. I am grateful for your kind words of praise. This story I was not sure in, fearing that I might not be able to convey the essence of the dance. But seeing your comment I am now a little less doubtful. Thank you for taking time to read my story and comment on it, your feedback is very appreciated.

    2. I really like the setting you chose for your story. It’s very clear that it’s not happening on earth and that humankind is kind of foreign to the aliens hosting what i understand to be a ball of some sort. The feeling of dancing freely is also beautifully portrayed! I love that this is not about dancing with another person which I would assume as this is about waltzing, but about how marvellous and in this case powerful it can feel or be to dance.
      I would have loved if there was more of a connection between te planet AB-212 and earth, or a stronger link to earth in general. I asked myself why the lyrical you had to be from earth if the story is about someone from AB-212.
      Maybe it also just contributes to the setting of there being multiple species from multiple planets.
      Overall I loved the feel of the story. It felt like a short snippet from a larger story, because the setting was well chosen, as I feel we have a lot of magical fairytale stories about ballrooms.

      1. Thank you for your comment! I am glad that I did well enough for it to be clear what is happening in the story, but so it also is enjoyable.
        As to why I chose an… addressee, that is human – I wanted for a person to relate to the one listening to it, as if the story is being told to you directly, and not read by you on your screen.
        I’m very happy that you enjoyed my story, and once again thank you for reviewing it.

  28. VulpesRose Avatar
    VulpesRose

    Dance of Eternity
    by VulpesRose

    The Dance continued as it had for eons. The twelve took their places, two dancers at a time, the pattern predetermined and immutable. It was said that their very dance held up the dome of the sky.

    Scorpio twirled on the dance floor, her blue gown spinning with steps memorized by endless repetition. Her partner, Libra, held her securely, but as always, it wasn’t enough.

    As their sequence came to its close, he handed her off to Sagittarius. Sagittarius’s steps were more playful, their dance a bit more fun than the measured one she shared with Libra, but there was still something missing. Something Scorpio longed for more and more with each repetition of the Dance.

    Soon, she would hand Sagittarius off to Capricorn, stunning in her green dress, and Scorpio would feel the pull, as she so often did, to take Capricorn’s proffered hand herself.

    It began with secretive glimpses in Capricorn’s direction during other dancer’s turns. But once, Scorpio had risked a glance and been met with the intense gaze of Capricorn herself. Capricorn’s eyes had reflected a stunning curiosity and interest that mirrored her own.

    The Dance had continued. They remained in their places, but Scorpio and Capricorn spoke with little smiles and soulful looks, more than words could ever convey between them.

    And now, it was time again. Time to release Sagittarius into Capricorn’s care.

    Scorpio was tired of waiting, was tired of losing time, was tired of being unsatisfied with the endless repetitions they were asked to endure. It was time for change.

    She stepped in front of Sagittarius and held out her own hand to Capricorn. Muffled gasps sounded from around the room. But Capricorn grinned almost devilishly and grasped Scorpio’s hand in hers.

    The two spun on the dancefloor, a new dance, an impromptu creation the likes of which hadn’t been seen for close to an eternity. They smiled, and the passion that filled Scorpio as she held her partner filled her very soul with light.

    The dome above them began to crack, and through the cracks, the stars themselves began to shine.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Oh, the scandal! Le gasp!

      I absolutely loved it.

      (And can’t help but imagine a sad Orion that will not be invited to the ball for as long as Scorpio is there. Those two don’t get along very well, better to avoid a scene.)

      Seriously, this was amazing. I love how you managed to, at the same time, make it all grand with the entire cosmic thing, and also make the entire story be contained not just to the dance in terms of time, but also make it progress as choices in the dance itself and the ways its protocols are followed or broken.

      And I love the idea of the breaking of it calling for a dramatic rupture that is, in itself, an act of creation.

      This was incredibly written, and incredibly satisfying to read.

      This was amazing. Thanks for sharing it.

      1. VulpesRose Avatar
        VulpesRose

        Your comments always bring the biggest smiles to my face. Thanks so much for all your kind words. I’m so happy you enjoyed it!

    2. I really liked that you used something so familiar, giving personality and myth to the zodiac sign for your story! It really does make sense to have them dance and for Scorpio to rebel and change the way they dance.
      I would have loved if you had written just one more paragraph so it would have been twelve, but i also see that that maybe would have been tricky due to the word count.
      I did love however that they didn’t bring doom over the sky, but that by cracking the sky, they made something new and perhaps even better.

      1. VulpesRose Avatar
        VulpesRose

        I confess I didn’t count the paragraphs, but now that you point it out, I desperately wish it had magically been twelve!

        Thanks so much for you comments!

  29. “Proxima”
    By: Six

    “Aft stabilizers failing. Pre-planned course projection impossible. Abort. Abort. Abor…”

    Aiden lifted his gloved hand from the now smashed speaker to his right side. Pieces of metal had ripped through his gloves and he could see drops of blood forming. In space, you don’t bleed the same. He felt no pain though. The adrenaline was far too much. This was life or death. Blood was to be expected.

    This was his last chance. His last hope of survival. Rocketing around Proxima Centauri at over 200,000km per hour in a small, barely-holding-together shuttle. Aiden hoped to reverse his trajectory and return home. To Earth. A single asteroid had struck the shuttle upon entering the solar system and sent him wildly off course. Only through careful planning, some good math skills, and a deep understanding of the Proxima Centauri system was Aiden able to use the gravity of orbital bodies to swing the shuttle around.

    It had taken days. He had been out far longer than planned and the shuttle was showing it. Life support was failing. Only survival food is left. Horrid, nasty paste. But it does the job. 15% of the shuttle was lost in the impact including communications. Aiden repaired what he could but knew his only chance was returning. If he could exit the solar system in the right direction, he could fire his warp engine once and wait it out.

    But… he needed to survive this last rotation around Proxima Centauri itself.

    Gripping the controls with all his life, he pulled. The noise was intense, the vibrating even more. It got hot. VERY hot. So hot he thought he might pass out. He closed his eyes and thought of home… Grass… Family… Moments went by in sheer horror as he waited for the shuttle to either explode or rip itself apart. And then… nothing.

    He slowly lifted his head as a gentle, almost ethereal hum filled the room. Immediately he was blinded. The entire shuttle was lit up. Something was outside… Something was looking inside…

    1. Thanks everyone who commented on my previous story, your advice and support really encouraged me to keep writing and improve.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Hello again, Six.

      This is a daring one. This feels a bit like a mixture of high drama and action with a dash of astronomical travel theming in there for good measure. I usually say that action and action-drama is really not my taste, so I’m not the best commented of pieces that seem to rely on these ones, so take what I have to say with a grain of salt.

      I think the time scale and the necessary time jumps on this one are a little bit working in another direction than the intended pace of the story. Heightening tension in long periods of narrative time in a long format story is already difficult, but in a short format is particularly challenging. And here, it feels a bit unsure if we should focus on the moment of that last, desperate maneuver or on the entire long survival situation since the incident. At least to my eyes, this make immersion into the emotional core of the story a bit difficult.

      The ending is quite interesting, and the way it is in another completely different pace than the rest of the story both heightens the somewhat calmness of that particular section and adds to the mystery of it all. I really like that effect.

      Overall, I think this story has some very solid points and moments, but there is something a bit strange with pacing and the way time scales are conveyed in order to maintain tension. Unfortunately, I can’t really offer a lot in terms of suggestion, since this is way outside my usual area of reading.

      Still, as said before, it is being really interesting to see the range of your stories. Keep on writing!

    3. It’s nice to see some scifi for this prompt. I definitely expected a lot of fantasy for a celestial waltz.

      I do want to know about the stellar being looking inside Aiden’s ship. Is this a real being or Aiden’s death fantasy? If real, then what?

      As a Steam Powered Giraffe fan, I have the song _Daughter of Space_ zinging through my head. Could be a plot. If you like.

      1. Thank you for introducing me to whole new area of music I don’t think I would have found otherwise. I 100% see why you thought of it.

  30. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
    Dagmar Makara (dystop)

    Starlight Songbirds
    by Dagmar Makara (dystop)

    Fate had long ordained this orchestral incandescence in the deep, deep twilight.

    The scientists below clinically remarked that E208 would collapse into the supermassive black-hole. But in the unfathomable dark, 62 miles high, the universe itself played ethereal violins and cellos in a symphony of love and fate. This wasn’t clinical; instead, it was the final resplendent waltz of two starlight songbirds.

    The universe wished it could tell those below that this was not a sad occasion, but knew its place, and not to interfere.

    The nebulas and galaxies of E208 swirled playfully around the black-hole, back and forth like so many dancing humans below. The nearby starlights gathered and watched, and with them sounded out their own bright charms and melodies. They too would one day perform the transformation-waltz.

    Some took pity on the humans who believed they were watching loss, rather than a beautiful and amorous entanglement. The two would become one. They would all become one in the end. The fantastical knot of the celestial waltz- all is starlight, and all starlight is one. The universe was a canvas that swirled like tidal watercolours on an artist’s page.

    As cosmic crescendos go, this one was magnificent.

    The two swayed gracefully in front of their audience of red and white dwarves. Blazing blue stars joined the gathering crowd, shimmering the couple like diamonds; their glittering sparks dancing around.

    The violins marched dutifully- from dulcet, mellifluous tones, honeyed symphonies, and finally– the grand conclusion. Surrounded by friends known for eons, their eyes lit up with excitement only a true celestial could comprehend. Fate was a long time in the making– but destiny is destiny, and the two always knew that.

    “Those last few notes were played… perfectly”.

    Suddenly, a blinding flash in the sky as E208 disappeared from the night.

    “Time of extinction, 22:36”, said the lead Cosmologist. “Record it and get some sleep”.

    But somewhere beyond the event horizon, those starlight songbirds had finally become one.

    E208 petitioned the Universe; “Please, tell them– this is love, not loss”.

    “We don’t interfere, you know that”, replied the Universe.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      This was a blast. Literally.

      I don’t even know how to comment it. There is a lot to love here, but mostly, I love how you could weave poetic language and emotion to cosmic observations. This kind of story is right up my alley.

      If I were pedantic enough, I’d have two things to point out that felt a little strange to me – but, really, those were nothing compared to the enjoyment I could take from the story. Still, worth pointing out: my take is that E208 is a star, and so it feels a bit strange to assign nebulae and galaxies to it. Granted, there is nowhere here that state outright it is a star, but… it seems so. And if not, then the other point would get even stranger.

      I believe when they record the time of extinction, they were considering a specific visual phenomenon that could be assign a precise timing… rather than what I believe is the very long time in which the black hole would take to consume the stellar detritus once the integrity of the star was no more.

      Still, those two things were very small, all things considered.

      I really liked the language employed in this one. The weaving of astronomical imagery and the social cues of a gala ball, the descriptions of the orchestra… it was great.

      Thanks a lot for sharing it!

    2. For every end, there is a beginning. Some don’t see the other half, and that is their loss. I like this one. Another scifi story and I’m glad to see it.

      Stars dance and die. Something else is created in the maelstrom. May future generations recognise the birth.

      Humans are slow, but we get there in the end.

    3. First off, dystop, I absolutely love this title. It is beautiful and poignant. It does not speak of the devastation to come in the story.

      The way you have written this is frighteningly magnificent. It is poetry in motion, and to describe the world in such a way is difficult to put into words. I love that you elevate the prompt and treat this event as a dance. It is something that happens in the universe all the time; we simply aren’t aware of it because it doesn’t affect us all that much or if at all. Not only is it a dance, but it is a dance among celestial bodies. Brilliant.

      The planets and dwarves making melodies while it’s happening is stunning. It’s eloquent and elegant. It is written very wonderfully, but it’s also a lingering sense of dread. These humans on this planet have been erased from existence because of this merging, and that’s really scary to comprehend. Now I’m wondering if that can happen to us or when it’s going to happen to us. Nonetheless, this is a great story.

      Critiques:

      “Those last few notes were played… perfectly(.)”

      “Time of extinction, 22:36(,)” said the lead Cosmologist. “Record it and get some sleep(.)”

      E208 petitioned the Universe(,) “Please, tell them– this is love, not loss(.)”

      “We don’t interfere(;) you know that(,)” replied the Universe.

      These are just surface level, technical things. They did nothing to disrupt my enjoyment of the story.

      I am quite certain that the first line will stick with me for quite a long while. It’s brilliant and gorgeous. It really sets the mood, and I thank you for the story. Thank you so much for writing and sharing it. If I remember correctly, this is your debut, and I’m so very happy you’re a part of the writing group. Your story helps me to remember why I love writing so much. I am ecstatic to see what you write next.

      1. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
        Dagmar Makara (dystop)

        Wow that was very kind, thankyou

  31. Tamela Redfin Avatar
    Tamela Redfin

    The pale moonlight

    By Tamela Redfin

    A few years passed, and Cameron felt something was off. It was about Cece, as he was now starting to call her.

    “Hey Cam, it’s a week before your senior prom. Do you know who you’re going with?” His older sister Keely asked.

    “Eh, none of the girls, or even guys, at school like me, but…”

    “But?” Keely asked.

    “I doubt I can, but… think Cece and I could go?” Cameron asked.

    “Like Cece Owens, the neighbor girl? Ohmygosh, that’s so cute!” Keely squealed, “Kennedy, come here.”

    Cameron quickly left the room. There was no way he could ask out Cecilia! She was too pretty and sweet and mature. Mature. Did she ever do anything for herself? He often saw her with her three cousins, but what did she want?

    Later, he went to the lake on their shared land. Cecilia was painting a portrait with Jasper while the twins were playing beside him.

    It didn’t take long for her to notice him. “Cameron?”

    “Cece,hi.” He waved nervously. “I have a question. Will you go to prom with me?”

    She held her hand near her mouth to hide a smile. “What about my cousins?”

    “It’s only one night, Cece.” Sapphira piped up. “Have fun.”

    * * *
    For a minute all Cameron could do was stare. Cecilia wore a lovely light purple sleeveless dress and had her hair up in a bun. He wore a matching tuxedo. “Hey Cam.”

    “Ready Cece? My parents got us a limo. I said they didn’t need to, but they insisted on spoiling you.”

    Cece giggled and they walked together, got pictures, and got into the limo. The drive to the clipper was long, but well worth it.

    Cameron saw some people muttering, but he was too happy to care. When the clipper took off, and the wind whipped through his hair. He looked at the stars. This was perfect.

    A song played he gently grabbed Cecilia. “May I have this dance, Cece?”

    “You may, Cam.” She smiled, kissing his cheek. “Thank you. For everything.”

    “I did it because sometimes you deserve to do what you want.”

    1. The stars of your show having a first dance?

      I like it. They’re cute together and I’m glad the fam makes sure she can have a good night. Cece sounds like she has a lot on her plate.

      I can well imagine Sapphira having some complicated sitcom-esque shenanigans when looking after the other cousins. NGL I want to see that.

      1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
        Tamela Redfin

        Lol maybe :D. Either here or in Sapphire in the Rough.

    2. If I could only give you one piece of criticism for this story, it’s that I think you could have told us more with only a paragraph of exposition than you did with everything you wrote before the dance. And then we could have gotten more cute Cam/Cece fluff at dance.

      I do look forward to seeing more of… all of this, now that things have been progressed to a romantic level.

    3. This one is quite wholesome, Tamela. It’s a really lovely setting, going to prom. I love how this is pretty perfect for the prompt. The way in which you incorporate the full moon and the dancing is really well done.

      I also enjoy how this seems to be a scandal, and Cecilia and Cameron are simply happy to be with each other. I didn’t realize how selfless Cameron is, but it’s very lovely of him.

      The setting is nice, and the scene is well set.

      Critique:

      Cecilia wore a lovely light purple sleeveless dress and had her (hair) up in a bun.

      Great story overall. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this one.

  32. The palace in the stars
    By Abyss

    The stars. Ever vigilant bright lights that travel for millions of light-years. That’s what science claims. The prince of the palace in the stars says otherwise. He says stars are things of beauty, of passion, of loneliness, of eternal isolation. He lives in the palace among the stars alone dancing only with his shadow. He never noticed her. Or was she always there? He never knew, he never paid attention to anything other than the stars. Or, had she always been there, waiting for him?

    He didn’t know, he didn’t care, did he? He was used to dancing alone, it felt weird to dance with someone else, with something else. She wasn’t human, then again, neither was he. But she was different, she made him feel different, weak at the knees and like his bones turned to jelly. They danced in the starlight, lit by the protons that traveled all that way. Just to watch them dance.

    A step to the right, joining with the left foot, followed by a step back and a sweep. A dance he had done countless times before and could do perfectly. But with her… With her it felt like the first time he had ever danced. Or was it the first? Had he ever danced with someone other than his shadow? He didn’t remember, he didn’t care. He waltzed around the ballroom, the starlight following them around as they graciously flowed from one step to the next. Then, he realized something. He came to the conclusion that he hadn’t had a partner to dance, no beautiful lady or manifestation of the stars. Just his shadow and the starlight. The only company he had up in the palace in the stars.

    1. Oh, Ive always loved writers who can effectively convey motion or energy in their writing and I feel this does that very well. It makes you feel it that much more and makes the ending “curtain pull” all the better.

      Solid, very solid.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I really like the way you weave doubt and ambiguity in the descriptions here. Describing something while at the same time keeping the fog of possibilities around it is something that is really easy to mess up, but here you manage to pull this time and time again. I have a plethora of information about the protagonist, his dance partner, the way he envision the stars, the palace… and yet, I can project a lot into them without escaping from what the story already tells. And I really like that. This works particularly well in a story where perception itself is fluid and we end up experiencing changes in it throughout.

      I’d say I don’t think what science says and what the prince say are in disagreement: I’d even say those two answers are complimentary. Why do stars travel such distances and exert their enormous gravitational force, if not as a passionate way to deal with that solitude? A passion so strong that they may succumb to it in the most dramatic way…

      Anyway, I also love the way you describe both the dance moves but specially how it felt to dance in this particular instance. “A dance he had done countless times before and could do perfectly. But with her… With her it felt like the first time he had ever danced. Or was it the first?” That was such a beautiful way to put it, so meaningful and filled with truth.

      The ending is quite bittersweet, and I’m left wondering with we are not following the dreams of a star dealing with its loneliness after all… Well, possibilities abound, but one thing is certain: this was a beautiful tale.

  33. Shall We Dance? [KoshDelia Ever After]
    C. M. Weller

    Finally, some years after her first sighting of it, Cordelia got to taste the Xiokolatl. It was everything the bards were wont to rave about and more. She could see why Nobles all over the continent were making peaceful overtures towards Och’lmexa. According to her sources, the Monitairn in the jungles where it grew were impressed by Humanity’s ability to eat it without dying.

    It really was true what they said about one man’s poison.

    Cordelia was in the midst of collecting a bowl of mallowsweets and strawberries to ladle the brown liquid over when someone tapped her shoulder. It was yet another Concerned Face in the usual glittering extravagance of Sparknight.

    “Yes, I am POSITIVE that it’s safe to eat Xiokolatl while pregnant,” she recited. For the fortieth time in the queue. “If you try to prevent me, there will be trouble.”

    “Oh. Uh. No, madam. Er. Your Majesty. It’s… your husband.”

    “I am still getting my Xiokolatl before I deal with his trouble,” she insisted. “Who’s he happening to THIS time?”

    “He’s dismantling the decorations, your Majesty.”

    Thrice sworn king, breaker of chains, Kormwind Arachis Felbourne Whitekeep, ninth of the name; otherwise known as Kosh, was just barely visible clinging to a column and freeing the captive sprites that made everything in their light gleam and glisten all the more.

    “The sprites don’t seem to be running away,” she noted. With deliberate motions, Cordelia took her time adding Xiokolatl to her bowl and selecting a delicate golden fork to consume her treats with. She also took her sweet time waddling over to her darling husband. There, she sighed, “Dear… You can’t save them ALL.”

    “I can save this one.”

    “You promised me a dance before my feet and my back put a halt to the opportunity.” She handed her bowl to a trailing maid. The dancing was more important for now.

    He dropped down to the floor. “And I am not an oathbreaking Teufel.”

    The sprites danced around them as they waltzed together. Little stars in a maelstrom of magical light.

    1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      Love the dialogue of this piece. Keep it up :3

      1. U know I can’t stop XD

    2. I have to agree with Tamela. The conversation in this is all very natural. And flows very easily and believably. I have zero issue thinking of this as a real conversation these people would have and not just “Plot stuff” or the over-the-top style of conversation.

      The ending feels a bit sudden, but thats not really a bad thing.

      I really enjoyed the read.

      1. The ending happened because I ran out of words, dangit.

        I wanted to have them dance and share chocolate-coated treats like sickeningly sweethearts.

    3. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
      Dagmar Makara (dystop)

      This is impressive worldbulding in such a short amount of time! You also really get a sense of duty with lines like “Thrice sworn king” and “I am not an oathbreaking Teufel”. I would be fascinated to hear more about the one he is trying to save and why, but it immediately makes me question what their relationship is to the sprites, and if captives – why they want to save them (or at least one). Great piece, especially the worldbuilding.

      1. There’s a longer bit in the novel/trilogy about what Sparknight is and why the sprites are captives for the event.

        TLDR there’s an ancient truce with Nanogh [the plane of magic] and the sprites that provide the rainbow star-filter light for the event are captives in orbs. They all die by the next dawn.

        Kosh, in setting them free, gives them a chance to live. Not for any other motive than he sincerely believes that they don’t deserve to die for a bunch of Nobles and their one night of vainglory. He’s just Like That(tm)

        Whatever knock-on effects come from that remain to be seen.

    4. “Who is he happening to” cracked me up.

      So happy to see a story from you again, and such a adorable one as well.

      I have to assume Kosh and Cordelia are guests, because I can’t imagine Kosh would have these decorations put up, only take them down in the middle of the event. I can only imagine many people are finding that amusing, for one reason or another.

      Feels like the sort of thing that future diplomatic relationships could be influenced by, to be honest.

      1. You’re right, Kosh would never stand for living things used for decoration. They ARE guests at this event. I’ll tell you all about Sparknight Gala in the group reads if you want 😀

        It’s probably going to cause SOMETHING but I’m not up to figuring that out yet.

  34. Lunabear Avatar
    Lunabear

    To Dance is to Trust (A Song for: Kit)
    By Lunabear (Edit help from Skeleton Prime) (Private Repost)

    The ballroom’s orchestra was the first thing to capture Kit’s attention. Its sweeping strings and deep horns left her swaying.

    The chandelier’s lights pulsated blue, muted white, and indigo. Intermittent streaks of gold shot across the indoor sky.

    Tables were draped in dusky purple and sparkling stardust. Many of the guests sat, their faces half shadowed due to shimmering candles.

    Kit gasped at the elegantly dressed couples waltzing high in the air.

    Her fangs shone as she smiled wide. Tonight’s theme, Falling Stars, was exceeding all expectations.

    Someone bumped into her. Turning, the angry words stuck in her throat.

    A boy bowed. His skin was midnight and tattoos crawled up his neck. The scent of his blood screamed divinity. He. Was. Breathtaking.

    “Apologies.” He offered his hand. “I’m Sharine. I haven’t seen you before.”

    Kit accepted his hand, stuttering her name when he kissed her skin. “I-I was here last night.”

    He repeated her name, seeming to savor its sound. “Beautiful. Would you like to dance?”

    Sharine’s light squeeze sent magma up her arm.

    Entranced, she found herself nodding and was whisked into a whirlwind. They spun and swirled, as though gliding on air.

    His heat intoxicated her. Soon, she was lost to the magic. Kit rested her head against his collarbone. “It feels like we’re floating.” Her voice was dreamy.

    Sharine chuckled in her ear. “Look down.”

    She acquiesced and saw other guests moving beneath them. Kit squeaked, “How??”

    He lifted her face. His eyes glowed with an iridescent teal light.

    “You’re…Fae?”

    “Mmm. And you are vampire. I knew from your scent.”

    “Wow. Can your blood truly allow my kind to feel the sun?”

    Mischief curled his lips upward. “Would you like to find out?”

    Kit thought for a moment, curiosity edging out caution. “Yes, actually.”

    Sharine dipped her, laughing at her sudden yelp. “Good. Find me before dawn.”

    Kit held fast to him.

    Their feet met the ground, and she felt lightheaded.

    His mouth touched her knuckles once more. “I hope to see you again soon.” Sharine strolled away, his gait regal.

    Overwhelmed, Kit slumped into an empty seat.

    1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      Perfect entry! Also, I too would freak out if I was randomly floating.

    2. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
      Dagmar Makara (dystop)

      I thought this was great, and some of the descriptions are gorgeous, for example: “His skin was midnight and tattoos crawled up his neck. He was breathtaking, and his blood’s scent was divine”. – Not just skin like midnight, “was midnight”. I love the idea of different species interplaying like this, and how much even they themselves as magical beings don’t know about themselves.

    3. Norman Gray Avatar
      Norman Gray

      I’ll be real, I just about fell in love with Sharine, too.

      This was great. As always, very vivid imagery, great character interactions. Hell of a way for Sharine to make a first impression. . . Though of course him being Fae, there’s that fun question of what his intentions truly are with Kit, since they’re typically self-serving creatures of impulse. All innocence on the surface, but there’s that hint of deviousness about him.

    4. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that fae exist in the same world as Kit. But this was just so beautiful and delightful and…unlike every other Kit story, I confess I’m concerned it was just a dream.

      My mind is filled with questions about the timeline and the boy from the Christmas story. But in the end I only hope this was a real and honest moment for her.

  35. I’ve Had the Time of My Life and I Owe it All to You
    By Marx

    I like reading.

    It’s the only time I can just… forget about my life. Demons become beings of fiction. If they exist, they’re the villains and they die at the end.

    I’m never going to get that freedom. I’m his thrall. And on top of that, I’m his ‘favorite’.

    I’m already torn from my reading as I feel his pull in my mind. He wants my attention.

    I ignore him and turn another page. I focus on the classical music playing in the background. I focus on the words until they lose all meaning.

    “Jasmine. Come. I wish to dance.”

    My brows furrow with concentration as I fight with all my might against that instinctive urge to join him. My world becomes serifs and crossbars and spurs. My universe, the ebb and flow of the orchestra’s performance.

    “I will not repeat myself.”

    I freeze.

    As much as I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of my fear, I know he can feel it anyway. His threat is clear.

    Move or be moved.

    And he can do that. Puppeteering my body is child’s play to him.

    It’s… terrifying to experience.

    So, I slam down my book and go to him as he smiles victoriously at my obedience.

    My body betrays me. My heart flutters. Blood rushes to my face as I take in his handsome features despite knowing how horrid he is. This only increases when I touch his skin. When I feel my body pressed against his.

    “I don’t know how to dance to music like this.” I say, forcing myself to avoid eye contact.

    “Not a problem, my dear.” The way he smiles makes me immediately regret my words. I should have tried first. Now it’s too late. “Allow me.”

    And just like that I’m hurled from the driver’s seat into the trunk. I’m forced into being a spectator in my own body as it elegantly spins and twirls with him around the floor.

    I want to scream.

    I want to cry.

    I do neither. Instead, I memorize the steps so this won’t happen again.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Very dark take on a prompt that, I would say, seems to lend itself to more poetic and light stories. And I just love the subversion.

      This story manages to keep the tension through-out it, not just never letting the dread of the situation fall for even a moment, but heightening it in measured steps – it almost feels like music or dance, and the crescendo of no release works very well.

      I’ve seen the steps thus:
      The music starts – Jasmine is reading, already marking that exercise as a type of escape. She is not in motion yet, but we can see something is about to happen.
      1st step – She feels the pull, and resists. We know the dance proper has begun.
      2nd step – First the pull, now the call. With that, we advanced a whole position in tension.
      3rd step – The threat. What same foot that initiated the pull now moves to meet the one that made the call. There is a firm position from where there is no recourse. Jasmine must follow the lead of her master.
      4th step – She closes the book. She knows there is no option but to move – either she accepts being compelled, or she is forced to do so. Terrified, we return to her book just to close it, and meet her master on the dance floor.
      5th step – The meeting, where they exchange some few words that aren’t really a conversation, but an imposition of power. A cat’s playing with its prey, making sure she falls into step (or, rather, into its trap).
      6th step – And he has complete control of her body. We return to her fear of the beginning, reaffirmed and presentified. Ready for the steps to begin again.

      That was a great (even if terrifying) read.
      I just loved how far did you take the idea of leading the dance, and turned it into a really horrific experience.

    2. I love this! I had to do the gamer lean forward in my chair at the line “I’m never going to get that freedom. I’m his thrall. And on top of that, I’m his ‘favorite’.” As the true nature of the story was revealed, and I was suddenly fully invested. I love a good, dark story and this is a very, very good dark story. I especially love the defeated and accepting characterization of Jasmine, mainly because I feel it is written in a natural way. When under the control of the Devil himself, how long does it take to force yourself to accept it, and try your best to just memorize the steps?

    3. I admit, when I started reading I thought this was about Matt. Was not expecting a Jasmine story.

      Knowing Alex to the degree I do, I can’t help but think this is part of why she’s his favorite. And I think it’s pretty obvious he allows her to resist him.

      I also think it’s a little odd but also perfectly in character for someone like him to just decide, “I want to dance.”

    4. Oof, Marx! No matter how many of these I read, the ones with Alex being his controlling, manipulative self ALWAYS hit the hardest. Poor Jasmine. I feel so awful for her. She just wanted to read and be left alone. Writing this from first person does a wonderful job of placing the reader in her head.

      I do love that she’s biting back, as fruitless as this action proves. But it’s good to see her with her own agency and desires here.

      Literally being used as a puppet is one of the most twisted things Jasmine has gone through, and that’s saying a lot. It’s an unwanted dance, where she doesn’t want to engage but he forces her to, and she’s used to it. Quite layered. And him being a demon goes a long way towards his own horrid desires and wants. Still hate him, by the by. And even if some readers don’t know expressly that he is a demon, they at least know he has some supernatural abilities, so it still works for the celestial part. Excellent take on the prompt.

      Congratulations on getting two different stories out this week. It’s a rare treat. bravo. I’m always excited to see you post and to read your stories. They’re engaging and funny and evoke so much emotion. Thank you so very much for writing and posting this one. I can’t wait for the next tale.

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