Writing Group: Let’s Calm Down, Shall We? (PRIVATE)

Hello Berserkers, Fanatics, and Water Molecules!

Oh, alright, alright. I know you all are excited for the prompt. There’s no need to push and shove…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Let’s Calm Down, Shall We?

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

This prompt conjures the image of strong emotions, and a conversation. There are many feelings one might need to “calm down” from. 

The first emotion that comes to mind for me is anger. Words like these, if spoken directly in a fight, would likely do anything but make someone calm. The quintessential “I AM CALM!” fight. You could write about someone who is angry, or otherwise upset, who won’t be calmed, no matter how much the other person tries. Or maybe, the person is indeed calm. Sometimes those who remain calm and collected are much more dangerous than those fuming and shouting.

Panic would be another emotion one would need to calm down from—whether that fear is an overreaction, or well founded. I could hear someone saying this phrase while handing their panicking friend a paper bag to breathe into. Or the words could be spoken gently, as a friend crouches beside another, wiping their tears and telling them to point out the things in the room they can see, and feel, and smell to ground them, and pull them out of their panic attack.

“Calm down” might not be the initial reaction to sorrow, but someone could react to sadness in a way that garners this reaction. It could be a relative blubbering too loudly at a funeral. Or a child wailing because they didn’t get the toy they wanted. Or perhaps a child is crying because of their nightmares and their parent sings them a lullaby. Someone could even be faking tears and told to calm down.

However, the emotions don’t have to be negative. I can think of several ways in which this prompt could refer to excitement. Teenage girls squealing because they got tickets to see their favorite band…or adult men squealing because they got tickets to see their favorite football team. Little kids running around at a birthday party, high on sugar. People at a church shouting “AMEN!” a little too loudly, distracting the preacher. 

But the phrase doesn’t have to refer to a conversation in which one person is upset, and the other is not, either. It could refer to multiple people who are feeling emotional together. Maybe, in the middle of the fight, a couple realizes, in a healthy way, they both need to calm down before continuing. It could refer to two people grieving together. Perhaps your characters are spies who just watched someone they loved get hurt, or worse, and they have to calm down in order to do their job. It could even refer to two people being extremely excited together, like the kids under the blanket fort, realizing they should calm down before they wake up the rest of the house. 

You could even be saying this to yourself. One of the most fascinating takes I can see on this prompt is to write about someone who’s upset trying to tell themselves to calm down. This too could be a good thing or a bad thing. You might be crying and telling yourself to bottle up your emotions and not feel. Or you might be angry, gently telling yourself breathe. As you’re panicking, it may even be a mantra repeated in your own head, over and over, against the rising tide of fear.

My challenge for you this week is to use this prompt to write about something wholesome. There are many ways in which you could do this—whether it be through hurt/comfort, or excitement, or humor.

I will add on to that, that due to my own emotional struggles over the personal tragedy I mentioned, my own emotions are on high at the moment. I am in a grieving process over the death of my friend. I set this as your challenge for the week, not just because I think it’d be a fun challenge—and not the first place one’s mind goes to—but because I may struggle with the more dark and intense stories this week. It’s up to you what you decide to write, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. But I’d appreciate it if you decided to provide some more positive stories to read. 

Okay, don’t panic. You have plenty of time to….are you hyperventilating? No, it’s not worth getting worked up over. Just take a bit of time and clear your thoughts.

—Pearce, Kaylie, and Paul

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

The whole purpose of this is to show off the creativity of the community, while also helping each other to become better writers. Lean into that spirit! Get ready not just to share what you’ve got, but to give back to the other writers here as well.

Rules and Guidelines

We read at least five stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

  1. Text and Formatting

    1. English only.
    2. Prose only, no poetry or lyrics.
    3. Use proper spelling, grammar, and syntax.
    4. Your piece must be between 250-350 words (you can use this website to see your wordcount).
    5. Use two paragraph breaks between each paragraph so that they have a proper space between them (press “enter” or “return” twice).
    6. Include a submission title and an author name (doesn’t have to be your real name). Do not include any additional symbols or flourishes in this part of your submission. Format them exactly as you see in this example, or your submission may not be eligible: Example Submission.
    7. No additional text styling (such as italics or bold text). Do not use asterisks, hyphens, or any other symbol to indicate whether text should be bold, italic, or styled in any other way. CAPS are okay, though.
  2. What to Submit

    1. Keep submissions “safe-for-work”; be sparing with sexuality, violence, and profanity.
    2. Try to focus on making your submission a single meaningful moment rather than an entire story.
    3. Write something brand new; no re-submitting past entries or pieces written for other purposes
    4. No fan fiction whatsoever. Take inspiration from whatever you’d like, but be transformative and creative with it. By submitting, you also agree that your piece does not infringe on any existing copyrights or trademarks, and you have full license to use it.
    5. Submissions must be self-contained (everything essential to understanding the piece is contained within the context of the piece itself—no mandatory reading outside the piece required. e.g., if you want to write two different pieces in the same setting or larger narrative, you cannot rely on information from one piece to fill in for the other—they must both give that context independently).
  3. Submission Rules

    1. One submission per participant.
    2. Submit your entry in a comment on this post.
    3. Submissions close at 12:00pm CST each Friday.
    4. You must like and leave a review on two other submissions to be eligible. Your reviews must be at least 50 words long, and must be left directly on the submission you are reviewing, not on another comment. If you’re submitting to the private post, feel free to leave these reviews on either the private or the public post. The two submissions you like need not be the same as the submissions you review.
    5. Be constructive and uplifting. These submissions are not for a professional market, and shouldn’t be treated as such. We do this, first and foremost, for the joy of the craft. Help other writers to feel like their work is valuable, and be considerate and gentle with critique when you offer it. Authors who leave particularly abrasive or disheartening remarks on this post will be disqualified from selection for readings.
    6. Use the same e-mail for your posts, reviews, and likes, or you may be rendered ineligible (you may change your username or author name between posts without problem, however).
    7. You may submit to either or both the public/private groups if you have access, but if you decide to submit to both, only the private group submission will be eligible.
    8. Understand that by submitting here, you are giving us permission to read your submission aloud live on stream and upload public, archived recordings of said stream to our social media platforms. You will always be credited, but only by the author name you supply as per these rules. No other links or attributions are guaranteed.

Comments on this post that aren’t submissions will be deleted, except for replies/reviews left on existing submissions.


Comments

49 responses to “Writing Group: Let’s Calm Down, Shall We? (PRIVATE)”

  1. Control Yourself (Illusions of Heroes)
    by Gerrit (Rattus)

    Serennia drew the blade across Emrys’s forearm, blood beginning to pool in the trail left behind. She heard his sharp intake of breath right next to her ear and fought the urge to apologise. He had, after all, asked her to do this.

    She took a step back, and watched his eyes harden as he surrendered control. His smile twisted into a scowl as he began to thrash against his restraints. She hoped they were strong enough. Tied as he was to the tree, he posed no threat. If those bindings came loose, however, she could be in trouble.

    “It’s okay Emrys, it’s me. You know me.” Her voice seemed to have no effect as he continued to struggle. A low, almost growling noise escaped his lungs.

    “Emrys please, listen to my voice. I know you’re still in there.” She took a step closer, hoping that neither of his arms would slip free from the ropes. As she closed the distance he leaned forward, as though he was trying to simply phase through his restraints.

    Serennia raised a cautious hand to his face. His skin was hot under her fingers, feverish if she hadn’t known better. She cupped his cheek, felt the coarse stubble against her palm.

    “Emrys, listen to me. You’re stronger than this. You can take back control.” She wished she could glimpse into his mind. Only then could she truly understand his struggle against whatever this was. Until then, her blanket reassurances would have to suffice.

    She felt the change before she saw it. The heat receded from his skin, back into the depths of his being, or perhaps evaporating into the air. The thrashing calmed, the only sound escaping his lips a shallow pant. She looked into his eyes and saw only the softness they always held for her.

    “It worked,” Serennia said, more to herself than to him.

    “If anyone could do it, I knew it’d be you.” Emrys smiled, and she felt it in here heart. “Now, could you please untie me?”

    1. Lunabear Avatar

      A very intense, tension-filled story, Rattus. I can feel the love and trust between these two without them ever having to say it. The fact that he trusts her so much to do this for him, and the fact that she refuses to leave him despite the danger he poses is really beautiful symmetry. They are a great balance for each other.

      Reining in control over your Beast is not an easy feat, and I believe without Serennia, Emrys wouldn’t have been capable of controlling his. On that note, it’s really intriguing to speculate what he actually is, and I love the mystery and ambiguity surrounding it. I’m excited to see if what I’m thinking he is proved to be correct or incorrect in future installments. Unless, you’ve already written about what he is, and I have either missed it or forgotten it.

      Critique:

      “If anyone could do it, I knew it’d be you.” Emrys smiled, and she felt it in here (her) heart.

      Overall, this is a really engaging story. I enjoy him having to bleed to bring out the Beast. It’s a very nice touch of world building, and I don’t think it’s used often enough, at least from what I’ve seen. I am really stoked to see what you post next. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this one.

  2. Hot And Cold
    By Taja DaLeen

    She came back to a freezing cold apartment. She was used to it, to an extent, but it was worse this time.

    Something was clearly wrong.

    Just dropping her stuff, she immediately went to look for her girlfriend. And what she found only heightened this feeling of something being utterly wrong.

    There was a huge cocoon of ice in the living room, right where their small couch was supposed to be. Whatever the hell happened to make her ice witch freak out like that, it was bad. Even in the beginning of their relationship the wall had never been this big.

    Carefully she knocked at the ice.

    “Leyla, can you hear me? Can we please talk? What happened?”

    But there was no answer. She was only able to feel the despair and loneliness radiating off of the ice. Her love was probably drowning in her own head again and didn’t hear a thing.

    Well, if soft didn’t work, she had other means to break through to her. She probably won’t like it at first, but dealing with the mental health problems of her little witch she learned that sometimes you have to be a bit rough so it can get better in the end.

    Even if her heart broke a little each time she had to.

    She focused on the power within her, felt the heat deep down, and guided it to her hands, concentrating the fire there to melt a part of the walls surrounding her other half. It took quite the toll on her, but eventually she broke through.

    And saw that this darn wall was indeed several inches thick. What the hell happened?

    She also saw her love curled up in a ball, sobbing and whispering that she was all alone over and over.

    “Hey, Leyla? Honey? Please, calm down, I’m here now. Talk to me.”

    She tried to touch her witch, caress her hair, but she slapped her hand away, curling in on herself even more.

    “No! Stay away from me! You’ll eventually leave anyway, just like everyone else!”

    Though her hand was slapped away a few more times, she eventually managed to embrace her, letting her cry into her shoulder. Anything to show her that the voices in her head were wrong, that she indeed intended to stay, until the end.

    They could still talk once the witch calmed down.

    1. Lunabear Avatar

      DaLeen, this is a very lovely, wholesome story.

      One of my absolute favorite things about this is the loyalty and persistence of the main character. She breaks through the ice to her love and comforts her. The juxtaposition between the ice and fire goes a long way to showing how they’re opposite and make it work.

      Another thing that I really enjoy about this story is how quiet and internalized Leyla’s upset is until her love reaches the core of the ice ball. If that’s not a literal and metaphorical image of breaking through someone’s defenses, I don’t know what is.

      A really wonderful story about two people trying to live the best life they can together. Beautifully written. I’m excited to see what you post next time. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this one.

  3. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
    Arith_Winterfell

    “A Traitor Among Us” (Aethryn Setting)

    By: Arith_Winterfell

    Talin’s hand goes for his mace.

    He swings in a wide arc and screams, “Get back! Lies! This necromancer just cast an illusion to get you to betray me!”

    “I assure you, there is no deception from me,” I say sternly, “what you saw was Andorloth.”

    Islin moves closer to me. “Talin. Before Andorloth died, you said you were going to ask him to finally share the password to the vault.”

    Aralyn backs away from both Talin and Islin. She holds out her hands with her palms outward in a gesture of non-violence. “Hey! Hey!” Aralyn calls out to the group, “Let’s slow down here. This doesn’t have to come to blows.”

    Islin continues, “Talin, you said he didn’t give you the password. You were the only other person on deck when he was swept overboard in the storm. We only have your word he was swept overboard by a wave.”

    Talin looks stricken.

    “He – He told you the password. Didn’t he? Didn’t he?!” says Islin, anger rising in his voice. “He told you the password, and you saw the opportunity to keep all the treasure in the vault to yourself. You pushed him overboard so you’d be the only one with the password.”

    Talin bolts, charging at Aralyn. He knocks her down to one side as he flees.

    With the flick of a wrist, I cast the spell. Talin tumbles face first into the sand, then begins writhing and screaming in agony. Islin looks at me for a moment, nods, and rushes to seize Talin.

    Aralyn gets up from the sand and shouts, “He’s the only one with the password. We can’t kill him!”

    I sigh, “She’s right. I can’t resummon Andorloth’s spirit for a very long time. If you want whatever is in that vault, you will need him.”

    Islin finishes tying up Talin’s hands. Talin lies there shivering and drooling into the sand, still stunned from the Agonize spell. “Great!” Islin groans, “Now we have to drag this traitor with us to the vault and get him to use the password.”

    1. vellichorian Avatar
      vellichorian

      When I noticed that this piece continues the story you shared last week, I was curious how you made it stand alone and still push the story along within the word count since you dropped such a big reveal in the previous chapter. I think you managed to pull if off. The conflict between the characters and their goal of retrieving the password is evident, as is the accusation that Talin murdered Andorloth.

      I have one question about the necromancer’s role:
      How invested is the necromancer in the group’s drama? In the first piece, he seems distant from it, someone hired to talk to the deceased teammate. In this piece, he inflicts pain to keep Talin from running away. That seems more extreme than I would expect given his role in the scene.

      I like that I’m still not confident whether Talin is guilty or not. He’s reacting defensively (swinging a weapon and fleeing), but he looks “stricken” when his teammates accuse him. I’m curious to read what happens next.

    2. Talin is sus AF.

      He’s so sus, the only reason they believed him is because they didn’t have a reason not to. Like, this whole time I was wondering, why were they even on the deck if the storm was that bad, but it just hit like, the storm WASN’T that bad! He just lied out his ass and the team didn’t even make an insight check.

      Curious though why “Agonize” was the spell of choice there. Not that he didn’t deserve it, but I feel like there had to have been a better option. Like, “Bind” or “Stun”.

  4. vellichorian Avatar
    vellichorian

    An Error in Judgement (a Behind the Spine story)
    by vellichorian

    “Repeat the rules,” Poppy prompted as she set the bulky sunglasses on Emma’s head and slid a makeshift cardboard shield behind the lenses.

    “One. Keep my eyes closed until you say. Two. Hold on tight,” Emma shook a baggie of marshmallows.

    “Three?”

    “Be quiet and calm.”

    “Good.”

    “I get my five dollars back if this VR thing doesn’t work, right?”

    Poppy grunted and waved her hand to make sure Emma couldn’t see her set up a book instead of a VR device. She slid her fingers over the book’s title, Professor Squatchie’s Guide to Cryptozoology, and pressed the Dewey Decimal label. A tiny panel opened. She used her magic library key to unlock the book, and the spine swung open like a door.

    Poppy held Emma’s hand. “Keep your eyes closed, and jump.”

    They spun and shrank to land inside the book. Poppy removed the cardboard and led Emma down a narrow hallway to a room marked with a glittery horn. She opened the door, and Emma stifled a squeal when she saw a unicorn grazing under a tree. She tiptoed toward the animal, one outstretched hand full of marshmallows. Poppy remembered how mesmerizing its pearlescent coat and rainbow mane had been on her first visit to this book, but she was tired of it after charging to lead all the neighborhood girls to meet it.

    A second unicorn peeked out from behind the trees, sniffing the marshmallows in the air. Seeing it, Emma shrieked and darted toward it. Both animals startled, rearing up on their back legs.

    Poppy grabbed Emma’s hand and dragged her back to the entrance, replacing the cardboard as she ran. They tumbled out of the book, falling onto the grass.

    “I want my money back!” Emma demanded, sniffling.

    “NO!”

    “You said I’d get ten minutes.”

    “You didn’t follow the rules.”

    A shadow fell over them. Poppy looked up. Her parents and the librarian glared at her, arms crossed.

    “Neither did you,” the librarian said, snatching the magical key from Poppy.

    “What were you thinking? She could have gotten hurt!” Mom scolded.
    “Inside,” Dad finished.

    1. Lunabear Avatar

      vellichorian, the fantasy elements are brilliant. Poppy has essentially been disillusioned by this fantasy world while also abusing the power of the magical key. Quite a mature theme for a story with a child protagonist. I adore that everyone is believable and have some kind of development despite the word count.

      Emma failed to keep calm, but that is understandable considering a unicorn was charging at her..

      I’m super curious to see what happens next, especially because Poppy broke rules set in place for her. A great grounded story with a touch of the fantastical. Can’t wait to read what you post next. Thank you for writing and sharing this one.

    2. This is such a fun story! And so rich! You were able to fit so much story into the word count here. I especially loved the idea of Poppy being bored of unicorns and the fantastical in general because it was normal to her at this point.

      You also did a great job explaining the unicorns and all the world building tidbits like the book unlocking for the key from a secret compartment using the Dewey Decimal label. Little details like that make the story so much more engaging and grounded.

      You gave us just enough information to piece together what was going, especially at the end lol. I hope we’ll get to see more of this world. It’s very intriguing.

      Excellent take on the prompt!

  5. WolfsbaneX Avatar
    WolfsbaneX

    “The Birthday Present”
    By Hemming Sebastian Bane

    Sally May Brewer trudged into the late winter snow, her beau James holding his hands over her eyes and guiding her with his shoulders.

    “Jimmy, what are you doin’? Momma’ll plumb hide me if I ruin this dress ‘fore my birthday is over,” Sally May chided, her giggles undercutting her tone.

    “Don’ worry, Sally May. I ain’t fixin’ to do nothin’ of the sort.” James grinned, guiding his sweetheart with tender steps.

    Sally May only counted about ten or fifteen steps after they left the porch. Whatever James wanted to show her, it wasn’t too far from the house. She felt some sort of presence, but couldn’t figure out what it was. Suddenly, James stopped.

    “All right. I’m gonna remove my hands on the count of three. You ready?”

    Sally May nodded, rocking back and forth with excitement.

    “One…” counted James.

    Sally May held her breath in anticipation. What in the world was this boy doing?

    “Two…”

    The moment seemed to last forever, as if this moment would change Sally May’s and James’s lives forever.

    “Three!”

    James pulled his hands away. Sally May squinted as the bright afternoon sun reflected off the snow. Then, she saw it. From the withers down, the creature stood above the girl at six and half feet tall. Its long neck stretched down another three feet as it nudged its long snout into the snow. White down-like feathers covered its enormous quadrupedal body. The creature let out a huff, the mist quickly dispersing in the air.

    Sally May squealed in delight. “You got me a khionodon?!”

    James smiled as the girl threw her arms around her and squeezed. “I knew you were always lookin’ around the stables at ‘em. So, I saved up…”

    Sally May gasped, momentarily pulling away. “James Vernon Young, you didn’t.”

    “…And got it for you yesterday. You like ‘er?”

    Sally May shook James like a young girl with a ragdoll. “Like ‘er?! Jimmy, I love ‘er!”

    James chuckled. “That’s great! Now, you mind lettin’ me go? My sides are hurtin’.”

    Sally May smiled sheepishly as she removed her arms. “Sorry, Jimmy.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar

      What a lovely story, Wolf! I had to look up what a khionodon is because I’d never heard of it before. Interesting. I do love your description of it. Honestly, it’s hard to calm down in this situation. I don’t blame Sally May. Also, she and James are such an adorable couple.

      Critiques:

      The moment seemed to last forever, as if this moment would change Sally May’s and James’s lives forever. (Word proximity with “moment”)

      James smiled as the girl threw her arms around (him) and squeezed.

      A very sweet piece. The descriptions are strong, and it’s obvious that the love between Sally May and James is stronger. Glad you were able to get a story out this week. I can’t wait to read what you post next. Thank you for writing and sharing this.

    2. vellichorian Avatar
      vellichorian

      This piece is so sweet and heartwarming!

      The description of the khionodon was paced well. I appreciate that you included details that highlight features that are both familiar and unfamiliar to the reader, and the fog from its breath in the cold was a nice touch. If you want to expand this beyond the word count, I might recommend including the shape of the head in the description. I keep switching between something like a horse or giraffe (because of the legs and neck) and something avian (because of the feathers).

      James and Sally May are believable and relatable as people, even if they live in a different world than we do. They are idealistic, youthful, and full of anticipation for the future. I’m curious how this gift changes their lives forever? Does it show Sally May how dedicated Jimmy is? Does it connect them together more closely? Does it imply a future marriage proposal?

      Well done!

  6. i-prefer-the-term-antihero Avatar
    i-prefer-the-term-antihero

    [DM me on Discord for details!]

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      I enjoy the emotions of the story that you have presented us with quite a bit, although I must admit I feel like I’m at a bit of a loss in regards to what is physically happening, but that’s not the focus.

      The way the girl’s transformation is described, combined with how her father handles it, I’m tempted to think that it’s as if her body is throwing a violent tantrum without the girl wanting it to.

      Since I’m not familiar with the characters and setting, it causes me to wonder if the scene would have been more impactful without the sister showing up at the end, and instead showing more of the father’s thoughts. But I do like the scene that we get, and I’m sure the characters have been established previously elsewhere.

      A+ job! Can’t wait to read the next one!

    2. Lunabear Avatar

      Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh, Kaylie! Giving us some JUICY backstory on Lynai! You spoil us! This is seriously intense. I didn’t expect it, in the sense that I didn’t think you’d write about it, and the fact that this is Lynai’s backstory. I’m quite intrigued by what’s happening to her, and I can’t wait to read about it.

      This poor father is doing his best to himself and his children from spiraling into panic. It’s a beautiful, wonderful display of a parent’s love, and it moved me to tears a little bit. Their song is sweet and calming and so loving. Despite the severity of the situation, I love that there are small moments of calm. It seriously reminds of me of times like this with Cub. Sometimes, he’ll have a nightmare or a thunderstorm will scare him awake, and he’ll come wake me up. Then I’ll hold him and sing him back to sleep.

      If I’m not mistaken, Wisteria is a type of flower, right? I love the “Little Flower” name.

      Another thing I appreciate about the father is he doesn’t have all the answers. It makes what’s happening more intense and terrifying.

      “It WAS a dream,” she sobbed. “…Why is it real?” (I am so curious about this. Did the dream manifest into reality? Was it a premonition? Such intrigue!)

      This is an overall heartwrenchingly beautiful piece. I haven’t had the pleasure of sitting down and reading your stories recently, and I’m so very glad I got to read this one. There’s so much tension and suspense, and it feels like it’s building towards something HUGE. I am riveted. I can’t wait to see the next installment but also what you post next. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this one, Kaylie!

    3. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      I’m not crying I’m not crying I’m not crying. No, but seriously, my heart hurts for Gidear. We don’t know what’s happening to his daughter, and we don’t have to. It’s easy to infer that whatever painful metamorphosis his daughter is undergoing, Gidear cannot stop it. I love that instead of focusing on what he can’t do, Gidear instead focuses on what little he can. I love it so much.

    4. Hot damn! This is an intense read. And I think what makes it that extra level of intense is that we never get any answers. Those of us who follow your stories know who Lynai is but on the whole, we’re forced into the same position as Lynai and Gidear with no idea of what’s going on, but knowing that it’s horrible nonetheless.

      And you did an amazing job of describing just how horrible it is. I remember when I first read the line where he questions whether this is all painful and thinking it was almost redundant because of course it was, but when I read it again, just the random shifting alone would be enough to freak Lynai out to be screaming when she doesn’t know what’s happening or why.

      It could be painful or not and it would still be one hell of a traumatic experience. And Gidear is a frickin rockstar here. You can’t help but feel for him. He’s just doing everything he can to calm her down when he seems just as lost as she is. Definitely a good Dad.

      Wisteria’s entrance only added to it making it all the more heartwrenching and yet still sweet.

      Loved this take on the prompt! Great job!

    5. I’m sure it will come as no surprise to you, as I can’t imagine you would write this without expecting, or even intending, this reactions, but… I have SO MANY questions.

      Is she turning into a plush toy? When is this taking place? Is this because of Savion? Is this how/when it happens to Wisteria? Do stars love falling? (Is she turning into a giant wolf?)

      It’s interesting that this is a Gidear story…since i think this is the first one of those I’ve seen. Makes me wonder if we’ll be seeing more from his perspective, or if this one was just better seen from his.

      I really liked how at the end things did calm down, but with Wisteria at the end, it makes me wonder if the morphing has stopped, or at least calmed down as well, or if it was intact NOT painful.

    6. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      This is a really interesting exploration into this poor girl’s transformation and her father struggling to calm her and comfort her amidst a terrible transformation. I do wish I knew the larger context of this story in terms of why this is happening. I suppose though, we are like Gidear, not knowing why this is happening to his daughter. Why she is suffering in horror. How can it be stopped. We simply don’t know, just like Gidear. Yet amidst all this body horror of fusing fingers and transforming flesh, Gidear is able to maintain himself enough to draw upon a shared lullaby like song to comfort his terrified daughter. Then the ending with Wisteria’s arrival and witnessing Lynai’s state to be drawn into a hugging embrace with her now altered sister.

      All in all, a interesting and disturbing (in a good way for the reader) horror tale of transformation and a father’s comfort. Excellent work!

    7. I don’t know why my initial thought was ‘oh she’s turning into a mermaid’ but I’d like to record that here. This piece was great, Lynai’s struggle came across really clearly. I felt like I could feel her emotions as she fought through this transformation. I’m very curious what she’s turning into here, and where in the timeline of your stories this one falls. Wonderful job!

  7. Glaceon373 Avatar
    Glaceon373

    A Soothing Conversation (Students of the DiamondBridge Academy universe)
    by Carrie (Glaceon373)

    Roselyn crested the top of the hill. “Hello?”

    “Hey!” Sam waved enthusiastically, then quickly slowed down her motion. “I, um, would you like to sit down?”

    “Is that… okay?”

    “Yeah.

    There wasn’t a picnic blanket or basket, no pair of soda cans or a bouquet. Roselyn thought she had shaken any of those ridiculous dreams out of her head, but they hit her one last time before she straightened her skirt and sat down near Sam, not too close and not too far.

    “So,” Roselyn cleared her throat, “you wanted to talk?”

    “Yeah. I… figured it was a good idea.”

    A gust of wind rusted the branches of the tree towering above them.

    “I’m sorry!” Roselyn blurted out.

    “You are?” Sam responded kindly, just louder than a whisper.

    “Yes.” Roselyn stared at the ground. “I made a series of decisions that caused harm and distress in your general direction, all entirely for my own gain. I’m sorry.”

    “That’s… an oddly poetic way of saying my arm got broken because of you.”

    “And—”

    “And the way you treated me and Jidz after everything we did for you, and totally manipulating Feleron, and—”

    “Yes! All of that, and plenty more. I’m… I’m so sorry. For being so goddamn selfish.”

    Roselyn blinked back tears.

    “… I’m sorry too.” Sam picked a blade of grass and played with it between her claw-like fingers. “I was harsh that night.”

    “Justifiably—”

    “Still. I was rude. I should’ve just done the smart thing and not gone.” Sam tossed the grass into the wind, and watched it drift about before falling to the ground. “And I’m not going to let you beat yourself into the ground over this. Wanna… call it even?”

    “It’s not even. It’s not even at all.”

    “Wanna pretend it is so we both can move on?”

    Sam held out her hand.

    “… I’ll still make it up to you,” Roselyn said as she gently took Sam’s hand and shook it.

    “It can wait. Take a break, okay? I think you need it.”

    And Sam was halfway down the hill before Roselyn processed she was leaving.

    1. Lunabear Avatar

      This is so bittersweed and powerful, Carrie! I never get tired of seeing these two ladies, whether they are in solo stories or together. There is enough information here to know that something was horribly wrong, and that it was Rose’s fault. I love that Sam is the one who wants to meet even though Rose is the one who hurt her. I love that Sam does not push Rose for an apology and allows Rose to do it on her own. I appreciate that they have a mature conversation and own up to where they went wrong in the situation. I especially love that they agree to take a break.

      That little touch about it not being a romantic meeting really let us know, old and new readers alike, that they are romantically involved, but this is not one of those times. The prompt is used very well. They talk, hash out their issues (which gets very loud), admit their wrongs, apologize, and come to a natural conclusion (which relieves the tension), while agreeing to do some reflecting on their own. Another thing that I really enjoy is that you show Sam is not human.

      I have nothing but praise for the story. It’s really emotional, and there’s a lot of care here. I am always ecstatic to see stories from your DiamondBridge Academy, and I’m very glad you got to post this week. I’m excited to see what comes next. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this.

    2. WolfsbaneX Avatar
      WolfsbaneX

      Hooray for forgiveness! This was great. I do think it rushed to get to main conflict, but in this case, I believe it can be given a pass. Sam and Roselyn are an interesting couple. I didn’t expect as much reconciliation as what happened. Sometimes healing is slow and maybe Sam would be more apprehensive. Then again, considering their age, perhaps this is best.

  8. Under Pressure (Chronicles of The Dragon)
    by Makokam

    “Jonathan?” The black scaled being lunged at him, and Sol telekinetically pushed it down again, cratering the ground around it even further. “Jonathan.” Snarling, it lunged again and he crushed it back into the ground. “Jonathan!”

    “Stop- ugh,” Ultima winced as she got back to her feet. “Stop letting him up. Together we can-”

    “You sit down!” he said, pushing her back, though far more gently. “I’m not LETTING him do anything.”

    He turned back to The Dragon; eyes burning suns, obsidian scales, almost human teeth bared, claws flicking with flame, wings twitching. “I know you don’t want to do this. I can get you someone from death row. You just need to stop trying to kill Ultima.”

    There was a “whomph” of displaced air and Runcaster stumbled, not quite sticking the landing of her teleportation. “I’m here! I’m- I’ve got her!”

    Scribe looked almost as dizzy as Runcaster did, swaying lightly on her feet. “Heh. That was fun.”

    The Dragon went still as its head snapped towards the two girls. Its claws dug deep into the ground, its muscles tensing .

    Runecaster looked over at him. “Jonathan… Everything it going to be okay. Okay?”

    Scribe’s eyes had gone wide when she saw him. “You’re beautiful.”

    Runecaster nudged Scribe. “Go on. Do your thing.”

    Scribe nodded and started moving forward, holding her hands out to him. “You’ve had a rough week. Want a hu-” She jumped back as he smashed his face into the earth. Claws tearing at the dirt and rock.

    “Jonathan, stop!” Runcaster yelled.

    He looked up at her. And after a moment, its wings flared and he leapt up. And immediately was crushed back to the ground. “You’re not going anywhere,” Sol said. Jonathan started to push up, but Sol kept increasing the pressure. “Scribe!”

    “Right!” The girl ran over, reaching out with just the tip of her finger, touching him and passing the word “calm” into him. “You can let him go; he won’t fight it.”

    Sol relaxed his power, and she wrapped her arms around Jonathan as the scales fell from him like ashes.

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      This reminds me of the moments between Natasha and the Hulk in the Avengers movies where she tries to calm him down. Jonathan’s description seems very atypical from the usual idea of what a dragon is, even going as far as to be somewhat haunting in how human he seems (perhaps because he actually is human…?). Despite the word limit probably restricting the amount of space you can dedicate to fleshing everyone out, You made good use of your space and did a good job painting a picture of how these people act and distinguishing them from one another. Well done overall!

    2. Lunabear Avatar

      Your fight scenes are always well written, Mako. You balance all of the characters really, and there’s a lot of heart, effort, and emotion here. I appreciate how hard everyone is working to calm Jonathan down. You even manage to implant a small bit of humor from Scribe. Also love the humanity. Great job. Can’t wait to see what’s next. Thank you for writing and sharing this.

    3. Well damn lol. Both for Sol and Scribe, and Runecaster of course. Definite MVPs here.

      I’m not entirely sure how well this would translate as a standalone if someone has no clue about your world, but I am familiar with it and this was an amazing scene.

      Its interesting seeing Jonathan so out of control and yet being at least somewhat controlled. It’s clear that Sol’s at his limit and that this was most likely Ultima’s fault right at the beginning, but they are keeping a pissed off Jonathan down and that is damn impressive.

      I also really loved how you described Jonathan in his dragon form. There’s something about the human teeth that paints such a vivid picture. And when Scribe shows up the story just becomes adorable.

      It makes me wonder if Scribe could help Jonathan have a regular, peaceful sleep schedule. Either way I loved her showing up and trying to just calmly talk to him and when that didn’t work she used her “words” instead and done deal.

      I know someone already made an MCU reference but this also made me think of Infinity War when Okoye was all, “Why was she all the way up there?!”

      All in all a very entertaining take on the prompt! Well done!

  9. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    Dead End (That’s the Spirit)
    by Lee Strangely

    “Come on!” Mort shouted from over the hill, “we haven’t got all night!”

    As Clay finally approached the top, his face became white as snow. The jagged collage of stone and metal vaguely resembled a castle, sitting on the ground as a crown of thorns upon the Earth.

    “Do we really have to?” he whimpered, “you know, see ‘you-know-who?’”

    “Yes,” Mort said, staring at the ground. Feathery carcasses littered the lawn, only increasing in volume the closer to the castle he got. “Uh Clay, mind the dead birds!”

    Clay immediately looked up in response… Unfortunately, he did so in time to be hit by another such fleshy projectile. The impact sent him backward, nearly dropping the bag.

    “CAREFUL!” Mort shouted.

    “Oh dry up, it’s fine! It’s FINE!” Clay stammered, “I got it!”

    During all the commotion the doors crept open, the sound of ticking filling the air. The brothers froze. Standing in the doorway, her pale skin lit the land like the moon. Mort’s eyes were locked with the two clocks that stood in place of her eyes, while Clay’s drifted closer to the thin black robe hugging her hourglass figure.

    Another bird plummeted from above as she stepped outside, “Clayton, Mortimer, you’re early. Our appointment isn’t for at least another two decades.”

    “Apologies, Lady Death, for interrupting your tight schedule…”

    “It’s alright,” she sighed, “I have plenty of time these days. It feels like there’s less to reap every year. It’s hard you know… working in a dying profession.”

    “Truly a tragedy, my lady… My brother and I are in desperate need of someone talented and wise in the ways of soul-taking such as yourself. It’s ab-so-lutely urgent!”

    “Aw, you really mean that?” Death asked.

    “I wouldn’t have come if it weren’t true.”

    She smiled, “I would be delighted to help you with your predicament. Do come inside though, the geese will be flying over soon.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar

      This is quite an interesting story, Lee. If I’m not mistaken, these are the two brothers from the prison break story, right? I like the metaphorical hell they have to traverse in order to reach their destination.

      Lady Death is intriguing. She seems patient despite her disappointment at the state of the business of death dealing. I also love that she has an hourglass figure. It’s not only one of the most desirable body shapes for women, but it also works wonderfully with your theme of time in this piece.

      Clay seems like a lovable, yet dimwitted character. He’s energetic and dramatic. Mort is a bit more cynical yet focused. They have a great balance of getting excited and calming down.

      There’s a bit of subtle writing involving what they notice when entering the hall. Clay noticed the two clocks, and Mort notices Lady Death.

      I’m super excited to see where this goes next. I’m enjoying reading about these two, and I’d love to know what their predicament is (which, now thinking on it, I think they died) and how it applies to Lady Death. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this.

    2. This is such a fun tale. I do love these two the more that I read of them. They just have such a fun dynamic. And I love that you’re able to show that dynamic and in a story that asks so many questions that mostly remain unanswered and yet it isn’t done in a frustrating way.

      The reader will surely want to know what exactly is going on, what’s in the bag, how they got where they are and all that but they’re so much fun that the answers to those questions don’t matter.

      Speaking of which I do loves me a good Death personification! Lady Death does seem like a very fun character and I do like that she seems to be very happy with her job, enough to make gloriously horrible puns lol. So here for it! You did such an amazing job describing her and using the two brothers’ varying focus to get a full picture of her. Lol and the dying birds are a great touch. Hope she has a maid or someone to clean up all of those.

      Regardless, this is a very entertaining take on the prompt! Thanks for sharing.

  10. WriterOfThought Avatar
    WriterOfThought

    Ezekiel 18:20
    WriterOfThought

    “Your father said I would find you here,” Rheesa said as she climbed onto the roof. Her son, Aggas, was shaking beneath the light of the full moon. She wanted to get closer to him and hold him, but everything about his body language rejected the idea of touch.

    “I didn’t want to hurt anyone,” she could hear him muttering from behind his knees. He still had spatterings of blood on his hands and feet, and Rheesa could hear on his speech that his fangs were still elongated.

    “No one ever does,” she responded. Parenting books were never written for vampires. What could one even say in this situation? A frenzy is almost never intentional, to begin with.

    “Or at least,” she continued. “I didn’t.” She was following her gut with this conversation. It seemed to work, since Aggas began to peek his red eyes from behind his arms. He silently waited for her to continue, as he couldn’t imagine his gentle mother losing control the way he had.

    “Long before I met your father, I was in a very bad place.” The memories flowed through as she recalled the flames she ignited, the villages she destroyed, the lives she had ruined, some intentional, some not.

    “What did you do?” Aggas asked. Taken aback by the question, Rheesa leaned back on the roof, now laying alongside her son, and tried her best to remember.

    “I looked to the moon,” she said. The one constant in the night sky.

    Aggas turned his face to the moon, and Rheesa saw that the frenzy was quickly subsiding. His eyes lost their blood-fueled glow, his fingers released their vice-like grip on his legs, and his fangs shrank back into his jaw. As his shoulders finally relaxed, Rheesa embraced her son, comforting him the way only a mother’s touch can.

    “As long as the moon hangs in the sky,” she reminded him. “You’ll always be able to find yourself in the darkness.”

    As they climbed down from the roof she looked once more at the moon, and prayed.

    1. Lunabear Avatar

      This is such a beautiful story, Writer. I love that you place emphasis on the aftermath of calming down. Seeing how afraid this little vampire is of his nature breaks my heart, but it’s wonderfully written. His mother coming to give him comfort and advice and understanding is one of the strongest aspects of the story for me. It reminds me of my own relationship with my little man.

      The language is soft and gentle while still maintaining a positive impact. I also very much appreciate that you harken the vampires to the moon. I feel a lot of people have forgotten the pull of the lunar cycle on vampires from the lore.

      There is so much humanity and love and softness here. An amazing tale that honestly feels timeless in its own right, Writer. I’m excited to see what you guys next. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this.

    2. vellichorian Avatar
      vellichorian

      Maybe it’s because of recent conversations with my own teenage kid, but I really noticed the way you worked the prompt into this piece. Clearly, Aggas was seeking calm after losing control, but he didn’t know how to achieve it. He needed his mother’s compassion and understanding to find his way back to being himself. I think it’s a great lesson for real life and not just in fiction.

      Your choice of which physical details to include at the beginning (fangs, blood spatters, tense body language) compared with the end (changes to fangs and posture, willingness to accept comforting touch) illustrated his change in attitude perfectly.

  11. Lunabear Avatar

    No Stronger Mask Than Denial (A Song for: Kit)
    by Lunabear (CW/TW: Scars, references to physical abuse and sexual assault)

    Sharine traced the scars etched into Kit’s back. His face darkened with each new one discovered.

    “Did your Maker do this?” he seethed.

    “Yes, but it was disciplinary. I NEED to be better.”

    “That’s abuse! Plain and simple.”

    Kit’s nostrils flared. She put the room in between them. “He has to! How else will I learn?”

    “By him actually teaching you. The bond between Maker and Progeny is sacred. He’s an absolute monster. Making you a vampire without your consent AND scarring you! Who does that?”

    “You don’t understand his methods. They’re for my betterment.”

    Sharine appeared calm, but underneath was rage. “Repugnant. He’s almost worse than humans. THEY’RE only good when cattle or dead.”

    That rhetoric never failed to sicken Kit. “He says that, too.”

    “You’re comparing me to HIM?”

    “In this regard, yes. I was human once.”

    “You WERE, Nikita.”

    Her stare hardened. “Supernaturals are capable of the same cruelties.” A memory of a silver-laced whip stung her back. She shoved it away.

    Sharine sighed, defeated. He crossed the room and cupped her face. “I pray you can free yourself.”

    Brief quietness reigned.

    “Why do you hate humans, Sharine?”

    “My older sister, Charlemagne. A group of humans took advantage of her kindness. And her body. They discovered she was Fae and used iron to carve horrible words into her skin.”

    Kit’s lash line choked with tears. Fae couldn’t heal iron damage.

    “They left her for dead. I’m hunting them all down.”

    “How many have you…killed?”

    “Four. I know where the last two reside.”

    “Not all humans are the same. Some are kind, caring. Empathetic.”

    “Show me what it was like for you as a human? Please?”

    He’d shared his pain; it was only fair she returned the favor. She agreed.

    They kissed, losing themselves to their own, special magic.

    Breaking the kiss, they moved to the bed. He snuggled her back to his front, resting his chin against the crown of her head. “We won’t be disturbed here. Take as long as you need.”

    Inhaling a deep, cleansing breath, she began, “For starters, my name wasn’t always Nikita…”

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      This is a really touching story. Not enough people show relationships between vampires and fey, in my opinion.

      I really enjoy the duality of the silver and the iron, and the issues of consent.

      The only thing I might think, and it’s entirely to do with my own writing style so if might not work for you as much, is I always think fae talk more poetically and filled with vagueties since they function on verbal contacts.

      This is not to say that their current dialogue isn’t poetic, but I believe it could be more poetic still.

      1. Lunabear Avatar

        Thank you so very much for the review! I am very grateful that you enjoy their dynamic. They really balance each other with the darkness and light, and I’m finding a really close duality between them the more I write about them.

        I definitely understand that critique. I have written other Fae characters with more poetic and astute dialogue. However, in Sharine’s case, he has been traveling the world and meeting different people, different species while on his mission. So his vernacular isn’t as refined as it would be had he stayed in those types of social circles. Great catch, by the by.

        Thank you again.

    2. Oof! This one is an emotional rollercoaster and a half. And I think a big part of it is that you can easily empathize with the points of view of both characters, but both also have an equally horrific belief.

      Sharine hates humanity and thinks they only exist to be fed on, but he has had a horrible experience with humanity that justifies that belief. Kit empathizes with humanity but is so indoctrinated in how her Maker treats her that it’s genuinely chilling. You actually succeeded in making me uncomfortable lol. That is not an easy feat.

      I think it’s the fact that she’s defending her Maker’s abuse as if it’s normal that makes it so uncomfortable lol. Daisy, for example, at her worst is fully aware that Alex is a horrible person and treats her even worse but she’s so, pardon the pun, enthralled with him that she doesn’t care anymore. But the fact that Kit genuinely feels like she deserves her abuse is just nightmare fuel.

      So of course, I’m here for seeing more of it lol.

      I also adored Sharine’s disgust at being compared to the Maker and Kit standing her ground on the fact that it is a solid similarity between them. And I’d course I love that Sharine and Kit can have this argument and still be sweet and cute again by the end of it.

      Absolutely adored this one. Great use of the prompt!

      1. Lunabear Avatar

        Marx, I adore you and your reviews, man. I appreciate you catching the nuances of their argument as well as mentioning that they’re both right in certain regards and both wrong.

        I didn’t know making you uncomfortable was something I wanted, so thank you. Even though Kit acknowledges her Maker’s abuse, she still doesn’t see him as an awful person because she’s so deep into his insistences that the punishments are necessary and that they HAVE to be so cruel. That’s why she believes she deserves the pain and scars.

        I’m honestly glad you brought up Alex and Daisy. Part of Kit and Sharine’s relationship is based, in part, on the opposite of theirs. I didn’t realize until recently that that was a determining factor of their foundation. Another thing is that I wanted it to be in perpendicular opposition to her relationship with her Maker. In the sense that her Maker and Sharine share a lot of the same characteristics, but her Maker is more negatively nuanced while Sharine is more positively nuanced.

        Kit standing her ground against Sharine and Sharine’s anger about being compared to her Maker (the scene that inspired this entire chapter was Sharine pacing around Kit in his anger, but I had to cut it because word count. 😭) is one of the foundation stones for this chapter.

        I’m so very glad you’re enjoying the darkness and layers and dynamic. There’s a bit more to come with these two before it gets INTENSE. I can’t wait to present the fallout with her Maker. I am sincerely having so much fun writing these chapters, and having so many people find value and entertainment in them is icing on the cake.

        Again, thank you so very much.

    3. vellichorian Avatar
      vellichorian

      You managed to convey so much emotion rising and falling in this piece–a great use of the word count!

      I especially appreciate the contrast between how Kit and Sharine are processing their individual trauma. Even though Sharine actively seeking revenge and Kit is defending her maker’s abuse, they can find comfort in each other. I hope that they will be able to help each other heal and move on with their lives.

      1. Lunabear Avatar

        Thank you so much for your review!

        It’s good to know that their individual struggles and the resolution came through for you just fine. I’m super excited and happy that so many people are enjoying these two. And I want them to heal and move on, as well. Especially if they can help each other.

        Thank you so very much again.

    4. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
      Arith_Winterfell

      A really interesting story Lunabear. It’s neat to see some real exploration of both Kit and Sharine. Especially Sharine’s hatred of humanity due to the terrible abuse that his sister suffered. It is an understandable rage against those who harmed loved ones. It was interesting to see the way this story first explored their alienation from each other built on Kit’s defensiveness of her Master and Sharine’s rage. Only for them to begin to empathize with each other, as you put it beautifully “losing themselves to their own, special magic.” His comforting of her and Kit finally opening up at the story’s close with the reveal that even her name wasn’t always Nikita. It is beautifully written in a shifting exploration of their relationship’s struggles as they both grasp at their pain and comfort each other by revelation of their pasts. Thank you for sharing this!

      1. Lunabear Avatar

        Thank you for the review, Arith.

        It makes me happy to know you understand the ins and outs and nuanced of the scene. I’m glad you picked up on how there’s alienation between them because of Kit’s refusal to admit her Maker’s abuse is wrong.

        I’m also grateful that you enjoy the exploration of their darker sides, their natures, and their reconciliation.

        Their next installment is going to be a fun, funny one, and I truly look forward to sharing it with you all.

        Thank you again.

    5. What a cliffhanger to leave off on! This piece was wonderful Luna, thank you for sharing it. I think you really captured what it can be like to be trapped in an abusive relationship in this one. Kit’s justifications for her mistreatment are so sad but unfortunately very accurate for someone in her position. The emotions were clear in this piece too, I could tell these two really care for each other. This was a great read, very well done!

      1. Lunabear Avatar

        Thank you so much for your review! I’m quite pleased that you enjoyed the ending and the piece overall.

        Unfortunately, Kit has been conditioned to think her Maker is incapable of wrong doing, even when that’s all he does.

        These two are so fun to write, and it makes my heart so happy that so many people are enjoying them. I’m really excited to share the next installment. It may not be what you think it is.

        Thank you again so much!

  12. Something There That Wasn’t There Before
    By Marx

    I’ve known this Old One for only a few days as humans tell time and… I hadn’t realized that in that time I’d forgotten what he is.

    He’s shown me nothing but compassion and kindness. More than I would have thought a demon like him capable of.

    He brought me back from the brink when I was at my lowest and my most…

    …self destructive…

    I hadn’t even realized that he’s become my protector.

    Me.

    A warrior angel.

    A perfect being created for combat being protected by a Hellborne engine of destruction.

    I hate that I need the help, but I am no longer perfect. And ‘they’ know it.

    ‘They’ made me this way.

    So I begrudgingly accept his protection even though he should be my enemy.

    I can’t see him that way anymore if I’m being honest with myself.

    Even now, as the jagged spikes on his massive fists are covered in the blood of his victims.

    Even now, as those who didn’t suffer from that beating burn from the fire that spews from his mouth, lighting the whole area aflame.

    Even now, as both those who fought him and those who fled die under the same umbrella of his brutality.

    Even now, as he hunts every last one of them to extinction.

    Because I know he’s doing it for me.

    ‘They’ were never a threat to him.

    ‘They’ just wanted to finish me off.

    And now there is no more ‘they’.

    As he roars at the sky, shaking the very ground we stand on, I should be terrified. I should be preparing to defend myself when he turns his eyes on me.

    Instead, I approach him and wrap both my arms and my remaining wing around him as I say, “It’s okay. You got them. You got them all.”

    I hear his ragged breathing slow as he finally realizes he’s out of targets and asks, “…are you okay?”

    I instinctively look over to where my other wing should be. I can never return to Heaven like this.

    But I don’t care anymore.

    As long as he’s with me.

    1. Lee Strangely Avatar
      Lee Strangely

      Even with the first person point of view that tends to limit what many can depict in a story (forcing a lot of story events to have to be funneled through the limited worldview and scope of one single character), this was a very detailed glimpse into this story’s world. The imagery is, for lack of a better term, very striking. It complements the events and thoughts of the narrator really well. Everything here feels like it written in and and written as was with efficiency of storytelling in mind, and it works really well. Great job on this story!

    2. vellichorian Avatar
      vellichorian

      This is an interesting piece. On the first readthrough, I found myself a little bothered that I didn’t know much about the characters or their situation. By the end, I was invested in the narrator’s revelations. It crept up on me. 🙂 I ended up rereading it, and I engaged with it a lot better the second time through.

      I appreciate that both characters are damaged warriors who have made a connection despite being natural enemies. The way you include their physical descriptions as relevant to their characterization was a great use of the word count.

      One detail wasn’t quite clear to me — were “they” former allies of the narrator that turned against them? Or are “they” a third group separate from the narrator and the protector? I’m not sure if it actually matters in my understanding of the piece, but I’m still curious.

    3. I REALLY like this one.
      I think, especially with the mindset of “these stories should be self contained”, this is one of your best.

      You did an excellent job setting up their relationship. You told us exactly what we needed to know.

      Your use of “they” was excellent, because not only does it show her not wanting to say their name, but it also separates them from the ones who made her. Especially in the sense of “She was made perfect. ‘They’ made her imperfect.”

      I think you did a great job of establishing how their relationship SHOULDN’T be, but for whatever reason, something that was born as a destroyer has become a protector. A caregiver.

      And I like that she has…taken a shine to him, and how he, through spite, or apathy, has forced good to exist where it wasn’t meant to.
      And honestly, phrased like that, how could you not?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *