Writing Group: Let’s Calm Down, Shall We?

Hello Berserkers, Fanatics, and Water Molecules!

Oh, alright, alright. I know you all are excited for the prompt. There’s no need to push and shove…

This week’s Writing Group prompt is:

Let’s Calm Down, Shall We?

RULES AND GUIDELINES BELOW!
Make sure you scroll down and read them if you haven’t! You may not be eligible if you don’t!

This prompt conjures the image of strong emotions, and a conversation. There are many feelings one might need to “calm down” from. 

The first emotion that comes to mind for me is anger. Words like these, if spoken directly in a fight, would likely do anything but make someone calm. The quintessential “I AM CALM!” fight. You could write about someone who is angry, or otherwise upset, who won’t be calmed, no matter how much the other person tries. Or maybe, the person is indeed calm. Sometimes those who remain calm and collected are much more dangerous than those fuming and shouting.

Panic would be another emotion one would need to calm down from—whether that fear is an overreaction, or well founded. I could hear someone saying this phrase while handing their panicking friend a paper bag to breathe into. Or the words could be spoken gently, as a friend crouches beside another, wiping their tears and telling them to point out the things in the room they can see, and feel, and smell to ground them, and pull them out of their panic attack.

“Calm down” might not be the initial reaction to sorrow, but someone could react to sadness in a way that garners this reaction. It could be a relative blubbering too loudly at a funeral. Or a child wailing because they didn’t get the toy they wanted. Or perhaps a child is crying because of their nightmares and their parent sings them a lullaby. Someone could even be faking tears and told to calm down.

However, the emotions don’t have to be negative. I can think of several ways in which this prompt could refer to excitement. Teenage girls squealing because they got tickets to see their favorite band…or adult men squealing because they got tickets to see their favorite football team. Little kids running around at a birthday party, high on sugar. People at a church shouting “AMEN!” a little too loudly, distracting the preacher. 

But the phrase doesn’t have to refer to a conversation in which one person is upset, and the other is not, either. It could refer to multiple people who are feeling emotional together. Maybe, in the middle of the fight, a couple realizes, in a healthy way, they both need to calm down before continuing. It could refer to two people grieving together. Perhaps your characters are spies who just watched someone they loved get hurt, or worse, and they have to calm down in order to do their job. It could even refer to two people being extremely excited together, like the kids under the blanket fort, realizing they should calm down before they wake up the rest of the house. 

You could even be saying this to yourself. One of the most fascinating takes I can see on this prompt is to write about someone who’s upset trying to tell themselves to calm down. This too could be a good thing or a bad thing. You might be crying and telling yourself to bottle up your emotions and not feel. Or you might be angry, gently telling yourself breathe. As you’re panicking, it may even be a mantra repeated in your own head, over and over, against the rising tide of fear.

My challenge for you this week is to use this prompt to write about something wholesome. There are many ways in which you could do this—whether it be through hurt/comfort, or excitement, or humor.

I will add on to that, that due to my own emotional struggles over the personal tragedy I mentioned, my own emotions are on high at the moment. I am in a grieving process over the death of my friend. I set this as your challenge for the week, not just because I think it’d be a fun challenge—and not the first place one’s mind goes to—but because I may struggle with the more dark and intense stories this week. It’s up to you what you decide to write, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. But I’d appreciate it if you decided to provide some more positive stories to read. 

Okay, don’t panic. You have plenty of time to….are you hyperventilating? No, it’s not worth getting worked up over. Just take a bit of time and clear your thoughts.

—Pearce, Kaylie, and Paul

Remember, this is part of our weekly Writing Group stream! Submit a little piece following the rules and guidelines below, and there’s a chance your entry will be read live on stream! In addition, we’ll discuss it for a minute and give you some feedback.

Tune into the stream this Saturday at 3:00pm CST to see if you made the cut!

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We read at least five stories during each stream, two of which come from the public post, and three of which come from the much smaller private post. Submissions are randomly selected by a bot, but likes on your post will improve your chances of selection, so be sure to share your submission on social media!

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Comments

148 responses to “Writing Group: Let’s Calm Down, Shall We?”

  1. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
    Dagmar Makara (dystop)

    The Bones on The Thames
    by Dystop

    A hopeless, swamp-filled fog rolled over the banks of the Thames.

    Only two souls were brave, or stupid enough to be out there on a boat that night. Bone hunters. The ghosts of ghosts fetch a pretty price on the black market.

    “You’re lousy with poetic irony, Jack”, smirked Hayley.

    “Tell me something I don’t know. The bones around here should have energy we can capture, we could make a lotta money-“

    “Jack, this isn’t worth it”.

    Hayley could tell something was wrong. Jack was glimpsing the marrow, yes. But he was unusually enthralled, mesmerised.

    She clicked her fingers three times in rapid succession.

    “Jack!”

    “….yeah, what?” he retorted with an air of pomposity; like he never needed help.

    This was far from truth.

    “What now?”, said Hayley

    “I think it’s obvious – we plunder the damn thing, we haven’t come all this way just to glance at its splendor, we need it for research”.

    “Jack, that’s the mesmerism talking” – interjected Hayley.

    “Oh screw you! You just don’t wanna take any risks, I’m right?!

    You don’t wanna get involved in anything precarious or hazardous. You, hah, YOU- Hayley, aren’t cut out for THIS”. He bitterly scorched.

    “Jack, this is not you. Do you remember what I told you about zugzwang?”

    “Yeah, any move is a bad move, it’s lose-lose”.

    “That’s you right now Jack, throw it into the river, lose it to time– it is better than us in the present being lost to time itself”, implored Hayley.

    “Your breath is acetic. Like vinegar.” He remarked, flummoxed by her fortuitous poker-face.

    “Jack…”

    “Shut the fuck up – you’re always like this, reluctant, noncommittal, avoidant, you’re a little-“

    “JACK!”, Hayley cut-off his punchline.

    “Do you really despise me? Hate me? Detest my very being? Disdain me up close and loathe me from afar?”

    “I… no… I, I don’t know, I feel all muddled. I’m disjointed at the joints, I’m convoluted hodgepodge.”

    “Then throw that damn thing in the river!”

    As it sank and drifted to the depths of history, they both said in unison:

    “I’m never doing this again”.

  2. By Judd

    Schüsse abgefeuert

    The cold of night swept through the French countryside, for the past few months the French and German Armies had met in battles all across France which had eventually led to the siege of Paris. The night had fallen silent, the bombardments of Paris had ceased, the French still resisted, unwilling to give up. We all spoke quietly discussing home, the holidays we couldn’t enjoy, we watched the walls waiting. We smoked away the tense atmosphere. We kept our rifles by our side. Those cursed Frenchmen, still holding out in that fortress of a city. Surely they are as cold as we are. It can’t be that long. I hear they are eating zoo animals, they shot an elephant for food, they shot that marvel of God’s work all because they are too pompous to give in. We discuss recent victories, Metz, Sedan, where we wiped the French Professional army from the face of the earth. They have nothing to fight with, they are fighting with young boys and old men. We waited for hours until we saw them, 2 Frenchmen walking through the underbrush, our enemies, the reason we can’t be home with our family’s . But as we raised our rifles, I found myself not shooting. For I had realized that these boys could be no older than 16 “Shoot Him!” one of my comrades whispered. But I couldn’t find myself pulling the trigger. “What Are You Doing” my squadmate said now sounding more confused than anything. I stabbed my cigarette into the frozen ground and grabbed some snow forming into a sphere I crept behind my enemy, lurking through the underbrush. I tossed my snowball. I don’t know why I did it but as soon as I did the Frenchboys began to panic at the sight of a Prussian soldier but soon they began to return “Fire”. Quickly my entire division as well as Frenchman we’re trading blows with snowballs (This is a real story that took place in 1870 during the Franco Prussian War in December P.S the Prussians won)

    1. Masked Bard TJ Avatar
      Masked Bard TJ

      As someone who has experienced war in the current day and age, this story touches something in me. Instead of being bitter and cruel about not being home with family and taking it out on these French boys, the protagonist of this piece does something kinder. Throwing a snowball.

      I wish there were more snowball fights in the world, tbh.

      This is an interesting look into history and I appreciate this. It gave me something to think about.

  3. Hot And Cold
    By Taja DaLeen

    She came back to a freezing cold apartment. She was used to it, to an extent, but it was worse this time.

    Something was clearly wrong.

    Just dropping her stuff, she immediately went to look for her girlfriend. And what she found only heightened this feeling of something being utterly wrong.

    There was a huge cocoon of ice in the living room, right where their small couch was supposed to be. Whatever the hell happened to make her ice witch freak out like that, it was bad. Even in the beginning of their relationship the wall had never been this big.

    Carefully she knocked at the ice.

    “Leyla, can you hear me? Can we please talk? What happened?”

    But there was no answer. She was only able to feel the despair and loneliness radiating off of the ice. Her love was probably drowning in her own head again and didn’t hear a thing.

    Well, if soft didn’t work, she had other means to break through to her. She probably won’t like it at first, but dealing with the mental health problems of her little witch she learned that sometimes you have to be a bit rough so it can get better in the end.

    Even if her heart broke a little each time she had to.

    She focused on the power within her, felt the heat deep down, and guided it to her hands, concentrating the fire there to melt a part of the walls surrounding her other half. It took quite the toll on her, but eventually she broke through.

    And saw that this darn wall was indeed several inches thick. What the hell happened?

    She also saw her love curled up in a ball, sobbing and whispering that she was all alone over and over.

    “Hey, Leyla? Honey? Please, calm down, I’m here now. Talk to me.”

    She tried to touch her witch, caress her hair, but she slapped her hand away, curling in on herself even more.

    “No! Stay away from me! You’ll eventually leave anyway, just like everyone else!”

    Though her hand was slapped away a few more times, she eventually managed to embrace her, letting her cry into her shoulder. Anything to show her that the voices in her head were wrong, that she indeed intended to stay, until the end.

    They could still talk once the witch calmed down.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I am intriguided by the use of the word witch. It seems like a simple thing, but I xan’t quite put my finger on why I think there is a lot more going on in its usage through this whole piece.

      And I had both scenes from Pink Floyd’s The Wall and the song Gonna Knock a Little Harder by the Seatbelts playing out in my head as I read this one. I just love that image of the barriers we erect to protect ourselves causing isolation… and needing the help of others in tearing them all down (such a painful process…).

      I’m quite glad you were able to work your ice witch story into the prompt. This is dramatic, but that ending is quite fitting for the prompt and very sweet. I love it.

      Thanks for sharing it.

  4. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
    MelancholicOtaku

    The Rain (Elyn Chronicles) *sequel to Lost Forest*
    By: MelancholicOtaku
     
    “The rain is beautiful.” said Elyn. Ever since she was younger, watching the rain has been a favorite pastime. There was something special about watching the earth wash away its burdens.  Elias joined her in seeing who could find the biggest puddle and, of course, who could make the biggest splash. Both of them were soaking wet and covered in mud, but even with their mother scowling at them, nothing could wipe the smiles off their faces.
     
    “I suppose it does have a certain charm,” the tollkeeper answered, still wearing the same owl mask as before. Although this time he wasn’t as tall as Elyn remembered, it has been a full eight years since the two first met.

    A smile appeared on Elyn’s face—a rare sight. It was the quiet moments like this that she loved the most—moments like these that brought her absolute joy. After all, life is too short to ignore the little things.
     
    “Elias and I would spend hours playing in the rain.”  Elyn said she was twiddling her thumbs; it was a new habit of hers. Ever since Elias was killed—no, not killed—something didn’t seem right about that night, and of course the grownups couldn’t tell her what happened.

    Elyn’s body began to tremble. She formed her hands into fists, with tiny red droplets making an ever-growing puddle on the floor. Of course the tollkeeper took notice of this, but it wasn’t just him—the orbs themselves became agitated, their alluring blue nature now painted like a red tsunami. This wasn’t surprising; Elyn was rather special, being one of the few who had a special connection with the spirits. 

    “My brother wouldn’t have gotten himself killed so easily.” Elyn said she was now beginning to loosen her fists; her body was in aftershock mode, and the spirits were taking her lead. It was fascinating, but thanks to past experiences, the tollkeeper knew he had to put a stop to this. After all, it was way too early for the climax, and the Old Ones wouldn’t have much to look forward to.
    “Elly, let’s take a deep breath.”

    1. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This story is unique in the sense that it tackles not the moment of calm, but the build up and the reason why the character needs to calm down in the first place. The emotions of the protagonist are well written and engaging, with the spirits turning red it seems like she could cause some real damage. Question: What prompt is the prequel to this from? I want to read it.

      1. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
        MelancholicOtaku

        Thanks for the kind words
        The prompt for the prequel is:Where the lost things go
        Story:The lost forest

  5. Alexlalpaca Avatar
    Alexlalpaca

    Parable of the Moonlit Lovers
    By Alexandra (Alexlalpaca)

    “Look!” –Said Altea, pointing at the glowing orb that floated above their heads, letting out a magnetic sound –“I stole the sun,” –She continued, “so we have all the time in the world.”

    Teresa let out a chuckle before the weight of the situation settled once again. After nine long standard months, just as they had finally reunited, she could not bring herself to tell the bad news.

    This did not go unnoticed. Altea spied the worry on her lover’s face, and so she asked, “What is the source of thy worries, my star?”

    Teresa took a deep breath and finally spoke.

    – “We must flee, take thy ship to the frontier and make a new life together in some forsaken moon. Is that still an option?”
    – “Why thou doth ask that, love?”
    – “I cannot remain here any longer,” –As it is, it was rare for the noble born to marry out of love, and in the same manner she was betrothed by her father to marry a man she loved not, Teresa explained.

    Thus, that same night the lovers fled into the night, they would shatter the bonds of their peoples and build a new life. Unbothered, unburdened.

    But they had been careless and alerted those they were fleeing from of their intentions. On this same hill in which we stand, there stood a man, clad in the clothes of the highborn. His cape he averted to exhibit two rapier blades one for him, one for Altea. He was in a debt of honour he was going to pay, as he explained.

    The nomad lady fought valiantly, but she could not match a trained fencer, less one of such skill.

    As Teresa wept over her dying lover, she cursed everything she knew, she wished they could have died together. And so, the Merciful Will acted once again. The two lovers would stand here forever, preserved in moonstone, in an eternal embrace. It was all calm then.

    That is why we built this church here.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      I don’t remember seeing your name here before (and I doubt I would forget such a name!), so if you are new here – Welcome!

      This will be an interesting and fun one to comment.

      First of all, this is a very interesting take on the prompt. I love that calmness and beauty are so well interweaved with tragedy here… this was not something I was expecting to see, and I just love how well that image was painted. And the way it is written gives it a lot of possibilities of interpreting that end: it can be felt as relieving, bittersweet, tragic, solemn. I really like that.

      But here’s the two things I’d like to point out that makes it fun for me in particular to comment this one. Usually, I’m not that much of a fan of purple prose or old-timey speech, and I am also quite critical in abrupt changes in register during short stories when I’m not quite sure what the change is accomplishing. And here, I want to praise your use of both of these things I’m usually overly critical of. It works, and at least in my reading, they help elevating the piece in drama and memorability.

      I can’t quite point my finger at what makes the change from scene description to the tale narration register afterwards work so well here and what it does to make the story just click together, but it does. I guess we are at first called to experience the pivotal scene in a more intimate way, and then we go to that more grandiose epic and fairy-tale-y narration, and then the timescale fills the reader of wonder without breaking the initial proximity that was established in the first scene…. but I don’t know. What I know is that, for all intents and purposes, I wouldn’t think that should work. But it does, and it does greatly.

      And the voice in which the second half of the story is told is something that I would usually feel as being a little bit too much – but it fits perfectly with the tone of the story and that effect that brings time and solemnity to mind. I am not the best person to point out with all the sentences constructions are quite correct (English not being a native language to me, so sometimes I don’t really have a grasp when more unusual sentences constructions are used), but it seems right, and it makes it quite enjoyable.

      Thanks for sharing this one. This is a great tale.

      1. Alexlalpaca Avatar
        Alexlalpaca

        Oh god, thank you! And yes, I am indeed new here, I have tried to participate a couple of times in the past but I just brought myself to actually do so after really interiorising the concept that perfectionism is only good in small doses and past a point it just kills creativity. You know, you can keep changing and improving stuff forever but if you don’t stop yourself at some point you will never finish anything and something orders of magnitude worse than putting bad art out there is wanting to show something and not ever doing so, you know?

        Anyway, I can’t think of higher praise than being told “I really like something you did despite not really liking similar stuff” and for what you say it seems you really got what I was going for, so even better.

        If you are interested in my creative process while doing this, I shall explain lol.

        It may sound strange but what I did was, essentially, write prose as if I was trying to write poetry. A poem I’m prose, which is definitely a term I haven’t invented. By this, I mean that I was focusing on the emotion and phonoaesthetic as much as the story itself. I believe that’s why the purple prose (thankfully) works, because it’s not being used just to sound smart and instead I sued it to convey this is like, an old story, something archaic, would you agree?

        As a result of the limited word count, I also took a page from haikus, trying to cram as much meaning per unit of text as possible, trying, as you said, to create a picture, because I wanted to tell a full story instead of just an important moment (as recommended). I think (and hope) this translated in the way the image you said was painted.

        I’m glad at least one person liked this so far, which is honestly more than enough for me! I hope we will see each other again in future prompts!

        1. Aracnarquista Avatar
          Aracnarquista

          I AM interested in the creative process that brought this one forth, certainly.

          And yeah, I think I get what you were going for, and it really managed to come through. It sounded classic, archaic, and reverential. And the poetic quality is unmissable. And, indeed, the whole idea of trying to get the most out of the limited length of the story is a challenge in and on itself, and I am quite glad that the approach you tried resulted in such a delightful result. There are a lot of moving parts in this proposal and process, and it is indeed a good indicator of craft quality that they work together.

          I do believe we will see each other more here. I have an habit of compulsively writing for these prompts, and even though nowadays I’m having less time for them… well, compulsion works like that, right?

          1. Alexlalpaca Avatar
            Alexlalpaca

            Well, now I’m just flattered lol

            Thank you very much! See you around!

    2. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This is a nice, sad romantic story. It feels like a fairy tale of a myth, and that feeling is supported by the old English of the dialogue. I feel like the word limit kinda limited it from reaching it’s full potential, but for a first story, it’s very nice.

      Good job!

  6. Lee Strangely Avatar
    Lee Strangely

    Dead End (That’s the Spirit)
    by Lee Strangely

    “Come on!” Mort shouted from over the hill, “we haven’t got all night!”

    As Clay finally approached the top, his face became white as snow. The jagged collage of stone and metal vaguely resembled a castle, sitting on the ground as a crown of thorns upon the Earth.

    “Do we really have to?” he whimpered, “you know, see ‘you-know-who?’”

    “Yes,” Mort said, staring at the ground. Feathery carcasses littered the lawn, only increasing in volume the closer to the castle he got. “Uh Clay, mind the dead birds!”

    Clay immediately looked up in response… Unfortunately, he did so in time to be hit by another such fleshy projectile. The impact sent him backward, nearly dropping the bag.

    “CAREFUL!” Mort shouted.

    “Oh dry up, it’s fine! It’s FINE!” Clay stammered, “I got it!”

    During all the commotion the doors crept open, the sound of ticking filling the air. The brothers froze. Standing in the doorway, her pale skin lit the land like the moon. Mort’s eyes were locked with the two clocks that stood in place of her eyes, while Clay’s drifted closer to the thin black robe hugging her hourglass figure.

    Another bird plummeted from above as she stepped outside, “Clayton, Mortimer, you’re early. Our appointment isn’t for at least another two decades.”

    “Apologies, Lady Death, for interrupting your tight schedule…”

    “It’s alright,” she sighed, “I have plenty of time these days. It feels like there’s less to reap every year. It’s hard you know… working in a dying profession.”

    “Truly a tragedy, my lady… My brother and I are in desperate need of someone talented and wise in the ways of soul-taking such as yourself. It’s ab-so-lutely urgent!”

    “Aw, you really mean that?” Death asked.

    “I wouldn’t have come if it weren’t true.”

    She smiled, “I would be delighted to help you with your predicament. Do come inside though, the geese will be flying over soon.”

  7. Arith_Winterfell Avatar
    Arith_Winterfell

    “A Traitor Among Us” (Aethryn Setting)

    By: Arith_Winterfell

    Talin’s hand goes for his mace.

    He swings in a wide arc and screams, “Get back! Lies! This necromancer just cast an illusion to get you to betray me!”

    “I assure you, there is no deception from me,” I say sternly, “what you saw was Andorloth.”

    Islin moves closer to me. “Talin. Before Andorloth died, you said you were going to ask him to finally share the password to the vault.”

    Aralyn backs away from both Talin and Islin. She holds out her hands with her palms outward in a gesture of non-violence. “Hey! Hey!” Aralyn calls out to the group, “Let’s slow down here. This doesn’t have to come to blows.”

    Islin continues, “Talin, you said he didn’t give you the password. You were the only other person on deck when he was swept overboard in the storm. We only have your word he was swept overboard by a wave.”

    Talin looks stricken.

    “He – He told you the password. Didn’t he? Didn’t he?!” says Islin, anger rising in his voice. “He told you the password, and you saw the opportunity to keep all the treasure in the vault to yourself. You pushed him overboard so you’d be the only one with the password.”

    Talin bolts, charging at Aralyn. He knocks her down to one side as he flees.

    With the flick of a wrist, I cast the spell. Talin tumbles face first into the sand, then begins writhing and screaming in agony. Islin looks at me for a moment, nods, and rushes to seize Talin.

    Aralyn gets up from the sand and shouts, “He’s the only one with the password. We can’t kill him!”

    I sigh, “She’s right. I can’t resummon Andorloth’s spirit for a very long time. If you want whatever is in that vault, you will need him.”

    Islin finishes tying up Talin’s hands. Talin lies there shivering and drooling into the sand, still stunned from the Agonize spell. “Great!” Islin groans, “Now we have to drag this traitor with us to the vault and get him to use the password.”

    1. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This is a clever one, setting us the main character as the traitor before revealing the truth about the accuser. And of course, the fact they have to keep him alive to open the vault. The discussion and logical reasoning are well written, as well as the traitor trying to get away. Question: Is the title a reference? if not, you might consider changing it to avoid some… unwanted reactions.

      Good job!

    2. Lunabear Avatar

      You wrote a continuation, Arith! You mad lad! An angry, action-filled sequel. I really enjoyed how all of the characters are given a little bit of spotlight. There is a little bit of torture in regards to Talin, but I think that’s necessary in order to stop him. I also really like how we have the opposing side in Talin, the protagonist with the main character and Islin as the support, and Aralyn who is undecided.

      It’s also got me wondering if the treasure is even a treasure they would want. It could easily be nothing or something not worth all the effort. Because I don’t think Andorloth even told them what the treasure is. Intriguing.

      Critique:

      The only thing I would change is to reduce the amount of times password is used.

      Overall, this is a fun, engaging story. Can’t wait to see what you post next. Thank you very much for writing and sharing this one.

    3. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      There is something quite interesting in seeing this piece and the one from last week in comparison. They are direct continuations, and yet, their pace and the tone of them is quite different.

      I am usually not very into more action-centric stories, but I really like how each small element of the action here helps in filling us in about the backstory of it all and also about how each of these characters function… And, yeah, now we can really see how the missing Andorloth really was the thing that was keeping them together. I’m presuming getting to the vault begets ill fortune to them, whatever they find there. Either they find their footing, or this is not an adventuring party anymore…. and, sure, they will need a new cleric!

      Thanks for sharing this story, Arith!

  8. I’m making 80 US dollars for every hr. to finish some internet providers from home. I absolutely never thought it would try and be reachable anyway. My comrade mate got $13k just in about a month effectively doing this best task and furthermore she persuaded me to profit. Look at additional subtleties going to

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  9. Ilay Shatz Avatar
    Ilay Shatz

    hi I would like tale foundry to collab with me in the story I am making I am not asking for money I just want you to be part of my book

    1. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      If you want help with your book, I suggest you go to the Tale Foundry Discord server. There, you can find help. Not in the writing group.

  10. Sketching in museums
    By Pumpkin

    My eyes flick from subject to paper then back again to check.
    The train of the dress can be longer, the silhouette is not quite right.
    Around me, people pass, talking, laughing and looking over my shoulder to see what I’m drawing.
    I pretend not to notice.
    If they have something to say they can open their mouths.

    Sometimes a person lets out a quick “pretty” or nod awkwardly as they pass by as if they want to let me know they saw but don’t really have any words.
    I nod back, not sure what to say either.

    Some will talk about me as if I’m not there, joke that taking a picture would be a lot faster.
    But I don’t want to take a picture.
    I want to absorb the source material, get to know it, learn about it.
    I take my time for that.

    I try to be unobtrusive of course, step aside if I think people want to pass or see the thing I’ve been obscuring by standing there.
    But I won’t leave until I’m satisfied.

    I prefer museums that have seats, standing for hours tires out my legs.
    But if not, there’s always the floor to sit on.
    I find different things sitting on the museum floor as opposed to standing up.
    I recommend you try it at least once.

    The doll isn’t even part of the exhibition I came for, but she wears that same regional dress.
    “Are you drawing?” the lady wears a badge of the museum.
    I nod, show off my work.
    “Oh, that’s gorgeous. Are you an artist?”
    I shrug “Actually I’m a librarian. This is just a hobby.”
    “You’re really good.”
    “Thank you.”
    “Also, the museum closes in about thirty minutes.”
    I smile, “Thanks for the heads up.”

    On the way back from the museum I wonder whether I should have told her I’m a writer instead of a librarian.
    That I’m studying regional dress for a new project.
    Not that I have much to show for it besides sketches and an unfinished script…
    I shake my head.
    This is fine.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Pumpkin, this is delightful.

      I am already inclined towards more meditative pieces, and I particularly love those in which small moments show their weight in significance by making us delve in how thick with experience a simple act can be. And this one is quite rich in all these dimensions.

      Being in the moment, but still being aware of the things around us. Interacting, not knowing how and why, and knowing others are in quite a similar predicament while interacting with us. The experience of one’s own body when dealing with a task that takes time, and how using it differently makes for whole new worlds and places to unveil before us… Having trouble explaining oneself when really no explanation is really necessary (but then again, that’s part of how we live, making sense of things by enveloping experiences and dreams with words and concepts… and sometimes what others do by asking is making us aware of the need to add words and concepts to something that was, so far, a bit nude).

      And those are all so relatable. Words fail me to say what I find most amazing in this piece – there is that kind of simplicity and directness that takes a lot of work and art to achieve, to distill the experience without having to over adorn it to make it significant… and you do that amazingly. Your language and flow is very engaging.

      Just loved it. Thanks a lot for sharing. That was beautiful.

      1. Thank you for the kind words

        ^^ when I started out with this idea I thought of making a “calm place” which in my case would be every museum and botanic garden I’ve ever visited in one massive palace of exploration and learning, but in that draft i felt like all the references made were just for me and no one else which made it feel kind of empty.

        So instead I decided to focus on the feeling and sensations that happen when drawing in museums (if you’ve never tried it, I recommend it, even if you believe you can’t draw)

        I did pull a sneaky teleportation trick in the story starting with experiences I had during an exposition on Alphonse mucha and ending with a conversation I had in a completely different museum XD

        There’s no way to tell without knowing of course
        But now you do 0w0

  11. Strong Berry Avatar
    Strong Berry

    Helping Helps (Continuing from my last story in the “Beneath the Waves” prompt: “Visiting Uncle James”)
    By Strong Berry

    “Uncle James…” I said to the left corner after he finished his lament. I walked closer to where his voice came from, trying to find my poor, invisible uncle. If I could just get him to think straight, I knew he could solve this problem. But first I had to calm down myself. I scanned the basement and listed what was in the room. Boxes, shelves, books, and loads of papers with formulas and equations, the majority of which I don’t understand.

    Then I remembered the reason I came to visit him. “Uncle? I need help. With physics.” “Oh you do? Right, that’s why you came… Well, Rob, I wish I could help you, but as you can see, I’m in quite the predicament .” “U-Uncle, please! I… I need you, Uncle James. Help me.” For a few moments, neither of us said a word. “Alright. What are you studying now?” The corner broke the silence. “We just got to Newton’s Laws.” “Ah, Newton… A great scientist…”

    As he explained Newton’s Laws with great clarity, his voice slowly changed it’s tone. By the end, the sadness and self-loathing have completely disappeared, and were replaced by a cool, collected confidence. When he finished, he asked if I understood. “Yes, I did. Thank you, Uncle.” An invisible, hesitant hand landed on my shoulder. “No problem, Rob. I’m glad I could help.” I could hear the smile when he spoke. A relief washed over me. Uncle James was and still is the most brilliant man I ever met, but sometimes he let his emotions get the better of him.

    Though I didn’t want to ruin this peaceful moment, I knew the question had to be asked. “So… how do we make you visible again?” The hand retreated. “Hmm… I know! If I recall correctly, the cure to my invisibility should be in one of the boxes. The third from the right on the middle shelf. Get it, will you, Rob?”

    When I saw the cure I couldn’t believe my eyes, the to cure invisibility…

    …A single bucket of pink paint.

    1. Lunabear Avatar

      This is a very fun take on the prompt, Berry. I do enjoy the whimsical nature and the relationship between Rob and James is sweet. Helping with the homework and how Rob calms himself down before he calms down James is also nice. It’s hard to help someone when you yourself are going through hysterics.

      It’s also funny that the cure is pink paint, essentially saying there is no cure other than outer coating. Lol. I do hope that James can get back to his regular, visible self again.

      Critiques:

      There are some spots where switching between past and present don’t work, in my opinion.

      All of the dialogue and paragraphs are pressed together, and that can make it difficult to follow at some points because dialogue will start right after more dialogue. It also makes it more difficult to realize who’s talking.

      Overall, this is a very fun story. I am interested to know how James became invisible, although, I think that maybe in the previous story you mentioned. I’ll have to go check it out. I’m excited to see what you post next. Thank you for writing and sharing this one.

      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you for the kind words! And as for the previous story: https://thetalefoundry.com/2023/03/07/writing-group-beneath-the-waves/#comment-29564

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Okay, there is two things that need to be said before anything else: first, I really like the overall message that getting out of one’s own problems and helping others can sometimes help us center again (indeed, as the title puts it, helping helps). And second…. that solution reminds me a lot of a running joke in El Chavo del Ocho (I might be wrong, but I am quite certain there is an episode of El Chavo del Ocho where the kids believe an invisible man is attacking another guy who is having troubles with back pain, and as they repeat ad nauseaum “you can turn the invisible man in a visible man with you just splash him with visible paint”… and I believe they then used the exact same joke in another episode of Chapulin afterwards, though this I’m not as sure). And it being a reference or not, it brings me that warm feeling of nostalgia.

      So I guess now we will have to deal with a pink uncle James, right?

      Sometimes, the best solutions are the simple ones. And I find this route quite funny. Heartwarming and funny. Take a like, and thanks for sharing!

      1. Strong Berry Avatar
        Strong Berry

        Thank you! Though I don’t know what El Chavo del Ocho is, I’m glad you liked my story!

  12. I’m making 80 US dollars for every hr. to finish some internet providers from home. I absolutely never thought it would try and be reachable anyway. My comrade mate got $13k just in about a month effectively doing this best task and furthermore she persuaded me to profit. Look at additional subtleties going to
    this site.. http://www.Payathome7.com

  13. Under Pressure (Chronicles of The Dragon)
    by Makokam

    “Jonathan?” The black scaled being lunged at him, and Sol telekinetically pushed it down again, cratering the ground around it even further. “Jonathan.” Snarling, it lunged again and he crushed it back into the ground. “Jonathan!”

    “Stop- ugh,” Ultima winced as she got back to her feet. “Stop letting him up. Together we can-”

    “You sit down!” he said, pushing her back, though far more gently. “I’m not LETTING him do anything.”

    He turned back to The Dragon; eyes burning suns, obsidian scales, almost human teeth bared, claws flicking with flame, wings twitching. “I know you don’t want to do this. I can get you someone from death row. You just need to stop trying to kill Ultima.”

    There was a “whomph” of displaced air and Runcaster stumbled, not quite sticking the landing of her teleportation. “I’m here! I’m- I’ve got her!”

    Scribe looked almost as dizzy as Runcaster did, swaying lightly on her feet. “Heh. That was fun.”

    The Dragon went still as its head snapped towards the two girls. Its claws dug deep into the ground, its muscles tensing .

    Runecaster looked over at him. “Jonathan… Everything it going to be okay. Okay?”

    Scribe’s eyes had gone wide when she saw him. “You’re beautiful.”

    Runecaster nudged Scribe. “Go on. Do your thing.”

    Scribe nodded and started moving forward, holding her hands out to him. “You’ve had a rough week. Want a hu-” She jumped back as he smashed his face into the earth. Claws tearing at the dirt and rock.

    “Jonathan, stop!” Runcaster yelled.

    He looked up at her. And after a moment, its wings flared and he leapt up. And immediately was crushed back to the ground. “You’re not going anywhere,” Sol said. Jonathan started to push up, but Sol kept increasing the pressure. “Scribe!”

    “Right!” The girl ran over, reaching out with just the tip of her finger, touching him and passing the word “calm” into him. “You can let him go; he won’t fight it.”

    Sol relaxed his power, and she wrapped her arms around Jonathan as the scales fell from him like ashes.

    1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      I liked this piece. Intense for a while, but as the prompt said it did calm down. I’m interested of these scales though…

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Ok, I really, really appreciate how much this is in dialogue with the song. Indeed, pushing Johnathan down…

      Certainly these were the days where it doesn’t rain but it pours.

      The whole thing about being unable to control oneself was really fitting for the prompt, and the progression is quite dramatic and also believable. they want to calm him down, but they also know they can’t just try it without any security given his lack of current control.

      I find it curious how at times you refer to it as Jonathan, the Dragon, and in one line both he and it. It can be a little confusing, but I like how it pairs well with how difficult it must be for anyone to conceptualize with what or whom they are really dealing right now.

      Very interesting piece. thanks for sharing.

    3. Mental imagery coming direct from Spirited Away, at the end, there. It’s nice to see that there are people who like Jonathan enough to try the good old “I know you’re in there” fight.

      Is this temper tantrum directly related to the anonymous people who tried to drown him? If so, the rage is completely understandable. It has to be a pain in the anatomy to escape chains of God-Metal, then the depths of the ocean, to at least get air.

      To his benefit, he’s unkillable. The downside is that he’s unkillable.

  14. Aracnarquista Avatar
    Aracnarquista

    An exercise in exorcism
    by Aracnarquista

    This time he didn’t just appear behind me. He had to use the doorbell, and asked politely to be let in. Even though he looks different – the things that seemed mechanical are even more impossible now, the shadows more inscrutable, and the flames shine with a hue that should hurt normal vision – I know it is the same demon that visited me when I entertained the notion of selling my soul for better stories.

    The suit is the same as last time, though. Sharp and stylish.

    And now he is sitting by my table, with a cup of tea in his hands.

    “So… what is the reason for this visit?”

    I think he tries a comforting smile. His maw certainly is not capable of anything close to comforting, but I appreciate the effort.

    “I don’t know how to tell you that in a way that will not make this seem somewhat wrong, but I read your stories. The ones you publish there. All of them.”

    “So you are telling me I have a demon stalker?”

    “More like a demon fan, really. I like what you write. It is touching. But even though I like it, I worry that sometimes you are taking a too deep dive in an ocean of despair.”

    “Is that a stylistic criticism thing or what?”

    “Not at all, not at all. In fact, as a reader, I love your darker pieces. But I can’t help but notice patterns, and I think you are in a bad place. Here.” That same claw that once held my soul was now pointing to the center of my forehead.

    “You are worried about me?”

    “I am. I am indeed. And I think you need a friend to talk to and help you deal with your own inner demons. Exorcising them through art is alright, when it works… but I think we both know it has not been working recently, right? So here I am, not as a fan, but as a potential friend. Don’t you want to talk about that inner turmoil? I know a thing or two about demons…”

    1. Lunabear Avatar

      Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh, Aracnarquista! Not only is this a continuation of a previous story, but it’s also quite meta!

      I love how this all calm but seems to building towards a boiling point. There’s a lot of tension in this piece.

      It’s sleek and understanding. This demon does a lot of emotional heavy lifting, and acknowledgment that an unhealthy pattern is emerging in regards to the artist will hopefully help the artist to create lighter art. That being said, just because someone consistently creates or expresses darkness through their art doesn’t mean it’s an indication of declining or stagnant mental health. Love that nuance.

      Critique:

      “More like a demon fan, really. I like what you write. It is touching. But even though I like (it), I worry (This may be a nitpick on my part.)

      Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this. I’m very glad you were able to post this week. Can’t wait to see your next story!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Luna!

        This wasn’t really the story I was trying to write, at first, but it after two tries at other stories that went nowhere (and dealing with the frustration of not knowing how to write a wholesome one), the idea came to me to return to these characters and show a bit more of how they work.

        And I quite agree with you that dealing with darkness through art is not necessarily an indication of any problem… but in this particular situation, I guess the demon here has a lot more information on how to read the writer. After all, it was not so long ago that he held the guy’s soul in his own hands! He know things about the writer that the writer don’t even tell himself!

        And thanks a lot for pointing out that nitpick – it might be that, but correcting it helps the flow of it all, so I’m correcting it as well.

        Thanks for the comment!

    2. Oh wow that’s cute 0w0 I love the contrast between the old demon presentation and the new one and the fact the whole soul selling thing ties into writing stories gives this a nice round circle vibe.
      Also the sheer wish fulfillment aspect of “this demon who is supposed to know what good stories are is a fan of my work whoo” feels really cathartic but since the story also has a darker undertone it feels not too self complimentary in a way that feels annoying

      Also good job pointing out how writing can both be used as a tool to work through stuff, and an excuse not to adress it.

      You happen to have this demon’s phone number XD I could use a demon buddy 😉

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        I am pretty sure telephone is not the way to contact demons… though I might be wrong in this one. And if this story (and its predecessor) taught me anything, is that one does not contact the demon… they just keep the (metaphorical) door open for it to cross. And I can’t really advise doing that.

        Or do I? I’m not so sure anymore.

        Thanks a lot for the kind words and the comment.

        I really wanted to show the ambiguity of how one can use the writing passion as a route to deal with their inner turmoils, but also as a way to NOT to that, and I love the way you put it into words in the comments.

        Can’t we all use a nice demon buddy? I guess we all could use it!

        1. I’m not sure if I read the previous installment ^^; what prompt was that? Now I’m curious to read that too

          1. Aracnarquista Avatar
            Aracnarquista

            The other one was for the “I dropped my soul” prompt. Not one of my best ones, but I liked the premise behind the characters.

    3. Xavier21 Avatar

      You once said to me that you really like playing with ideas and implement them to your story, this one is an exception (well, not everyone has great ideas every time I guesss LOL). The language you use is very simple and tight, leaving no word or any sentence to waste; although I feel this story’s language (except the character’s dialogue) isn’t as flowery/poetic as your other stories. Sadly, I find that your story exceed the word count (352 words), which I don’t know whether you are aware of it or not.

      Overall it’s a fun little story that twist the archetype of The Devil as a seducter. In this story, rather than being a seducter, The Devil now becomes a fan to the protagonist, which I find very seldom in western storytelling. However, what I find interesting is the protagonist’s emotion. I mean… the protagonist suffered from a sort of despair (which is a strong emotion nonetheless), but I don’t think it’s an emotion that people need to calm down for (or at least not a common emotion that I usually imagine people need to calm down from).

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Strange thing: I put this into the word counter before the last edit and it counted 348 words. Then I added just one word, and it counted 352. And I just went with it… and then came back to check it again, and it was at 349.

        I’m not so sure if the word count knows how to count anymore, but regardless, since I was read last stream, I know I won’t be read again, and the way I’d drop the number of words here to reach the limit was cutting the repetition of “not at all, not at all”, and I’m quite fond of this mannerism of speech for the demon…. so over the limit it is for this week.

        And yeah, this story is quite more cut and dry than I usually go for. this time, I wanted to address the challenge, and to help myself deal with the whole thing of discussing how not all my stories need to take the dark route (sometimes, they are not the best route to take, anyway, but one can get so used to them they don’t even realize it anymore). And since I already had these two characters from the “I dropped my soul” prompt, it seemed nice to return to them.

        Thanks a lot for the comment and the feedback!

        1. Xavier21 Avatar

          Yeah, it’s definitely a healthy thing that we don’t need to always create stories that we are known for (for me, I was known for stories that have re-read value because there is always a twist in the end). And also regarding the previous characters, i seem to notice that a lot of people have long-term project that just happens to be share in this writing group. Maybe I should try it!

    4. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This is really nice, I like how the demon of all fans is genuinely concerned for the narrator’s mental well-being. It’s nice to have a friend, even if that friend is from Hell… Actually, maybe that’s a reason for concern… Oh well. The demon is well written, obviously he likes the darker stories, and is of course knowledgeable enough to know how to deal with those inner demons.

      Good job!

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        Thanks a lot, Strong Berry.

        If I had some more words to spare, I’d make a call back to when the writer had SOMEHOW materialized his soul, and imply the demon is concerned he might do it again (for both their sake… not a good thing to just keep lying around, and it might prove too much of a temptation for the demon, who already decided on not taking it once), and try to emphasize even more the concern and care. But I think although it is a bit simple and rushed, it worked out well in the end (and I really like the voice of the demon… still not sure if I got the voice of the writer right so far).

        Anyway, thanks for the comment!

    5. Alexlalpaca Avatar
      Alexlalpaca

      A clever subversion of the concept of fighting your demons, I would say! You have the demon as the person who actually cared enough to reach out and help, instead of trying to drag the writer down into literal or figurative hell.

      But I feel like there is more to it than just that, maybe a point about how hardship can strengthen you in some cases? That feels wrong though, but I can’t exactly put my finger on why. Am I making any sense?

      1. Aracnarquista Avatar
        Aracnarquista

        I think you are making sense, but it is also possible that between what you wrote and what I read something was lost and something was gained. Communication is always a dangerous beast, we never know if we are indeed in the same page. But at least to me, it made sense.

        In this one, I tried to deal with the idea that sometimes just dealing with the dark bits ourselves might not work, and sometimes we aren’t even equipped to notice when we are treading a dark path. But sometimes is the key operator here – this is valid for this particular situation, but it is by no means a rule.

        Though I believe I’d trust this particular demon. He has appeared before, and so far, he has been at least somewhat helpful. Even if not necessarily nice about it.

        And I’m still finding it amusing that I can read “literal hell” in your commentary in very diverse ways. I just love ambiguity and the possibility of multiplying the meaning of words.

        Thanks a lot for the comment!

  15. Masked Bard TJ Avatar
    Masked Bard TJ

    Harsh Words
    by: Masked Bard

    No matter where they went, they could always figure out where some quiet, hidden, unused space that others seemed to forget about would be. Finding these spaces was almost instinctual to Jordan, allowing them to find some peace even in the most chaotic places. This is how they ended up with their back sliding down a wall in a closet space marked as a “Meditation room” down a hallway with mostly staff offices around past a set of theater classrooms.

    As their butt met the ground, Jordan curled into themself as they took a shaky breath.

    They could still hear the voices that demeaned them. Calling them a freak, a Daft Punk copycat, a fad-chasing fairy, a talentless wannabe, among a slew of mean slurs. Hot tears stung their eyes as they tried to control their breath. Despite this, their shuddering breaths gave way to quiet sobs. Their fingers dug into the arms they had wrapped around their knees.

    “I n-need to calm d-down..” Jordan muttered to themself, uselessly.

    The doorknob clicked, causing Jordan to gasp as the door opened.

    “Oh! I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to interrupt.” A gentle voice apologized.

    Looking up slightly, Jordan could see a figure in the doorway with a familiar matcha green cardigan on.

    “G-Gaia?”

    “Yes. Uh… mind if I join you?”

    Jordan nodded and soon the well-lit room was crowded between the two of them as the door shut. They hid their face again but could feel Gaia sit next to them.

    “Are you alright?”

    Jordan nodded, holding their breath. After a few quiet moments, they could hear some shuffling and the crackling of a plastic bottle before something solid and cold touched their arm, causing them to look up again. Gaia was pressing a water bottle on their arm.

    “Take it, it’ll help.”

    Jordan looked at the bottle, then Gaia, before accepting it. It wasn’t until they finished the bottle that Gaia spoke again.

    “Would you like to learn some breathing exercises to help you calm down?”

    Jordan nodded, smiling weakly, feeling a sense of kinship in Gaia’s words. “Sure.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar

      Oof, Masked! This one cuts deep! I was bullied throughout most of my life, and children are often so cruel to those who subscribe to the conventional standards of society. I can absolutely empathize with Jordan and their struggles. However, instead of isolating like Jordan does here, I fought. All the time. Lol.

      I do love how you give a small glimpse into how Jordan is bullied and abused. It hits harder, in my opinion. Them attempting to calm down on their own shows great maturity and emotional strength from them. Beautiful interpretation of the prompt.

      Gaia, much like her namesake, is gentle, sweet, patient, and compassionate. She even offers a healthy way for Jordan to manage their anxiety/panic attacks in the future. She is an absolute darling.

      One of the strongest aspects of this for me is the full circle of words. Harsh, derogatory words drives Jordan into the closet while kind, empathetic words are more than likely going to lead them out. Outstanding!

      Nitpick:

      “I n-need to calm d-down(,)” Jordan muttered to themself, uselessly.

      I don’t recall reading your stories before, but I’m so glad you posted this one. It gives heartbreak and catharsis in the same story, and it’s wonderful. It’s also packed with emotion, bouts of quietness and care. That’s an incredibly impressive feat to accomplish in longer length stories; it’s even more so in 350 words or less! Bravo! I can’t wait to see what’s next. Thank you for writing and sharing this.

    2. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This is really sweet. A friend helping their fellow to calm down with simple yet effective solutions. It’s very realistic, and I feel for Jordan here, as the emotions they’re feeling are not only very common, but also very well written.

      Good job!

    3. This is such a kind story. I like how instead of Gaia being there looking for Jordan, Gaia was looking for a space for themself and it’s a chance encounter instead.
      It gives Jordan a person to help them while elegantly avoiding grumpy people going “can’t be that bad if you got a friend looking for you afterwards”

      One thing that did confuse me is that when Gaia asks “mind if I join you?” Jordan nods and I took that as “yes I mind” which made me wonder why Gaia sat down after that. Reading onwards I got the intention and I think Gaia is a proper sweetheart but that did puzzle me on first read.

      You made a piece that feels relatable. Even if the details differ from person to person I imagine most people have had a moment where they had to retreat out of a situation to panic, cry or both and in that situation it would have been nice to have Gaia there to give water and teach breathing exercises.

      Well done and keep up the good work ^^

  16. Stardustfaire Avatar
    Stardustfaire

    Many Hands
    by: Stardustfaire

    The creek of the chair reignites the ache behind his eyes as Rin leans back to gaze at the woman on the floor next to him.

    “I told you, Lilith, I have work to do.” Rin’s taunt statement cuts through the rustling of her readjustment.

    She meets his gaze, earnest blue eyes pairing with her exclamation, “Yes! That’s why you canceled tonight.” Her bright red curls shift as she returns to her book.

    Sighing, Rin hunches over his desk. Leafing through a stack of receipts, the soft sigh at his feet challenges his focus, tugging away at his patience.

    Black, lacquered nails bite into palms and held breaths rapidly increase his pulse. The bubbling anger begins to seep from his chest down into his stomach.

    I told her.

    Not.

    Tonight.

    His disjointed recollection sends his anger spilling from his mind to his mouth.

    Slamming his hand to the desk, Rin glares down at his girlfriend.

    “Lilith,” his irate tone yanks her startled gaze to his, “I know canceling plans upsets you. However, that doesn’t mean you can just waltz in here and pressure me into putting this off. I have a deadline!”

    “I know.” Confusion slowly crosses her face as she responds, “That’s why I brought schoolwork. I three chapters to read…it will last until you break for dinner. We can eat here instead!”

    Rin breathes deep, chest expanding and fists relaxing, bringing his heart rate down.

    “What do you hope to accomplish? I can’t take dinner for another five hours.”

    “Working together with someone helps me focus. I won’t talk because I need to focus as well.”

    Her eyes flick from his face to the couch on the far wall behind them.

    “It’s called parallel play. I want to be close to you and work on things together.” Her tone betrays her sadness.

    “Parallel play, huh?”, his voice softens as a smile tickles at his lips.

    Turning back to the paper in his hand. “I’ll give it a try.”

    “Thank you for trying, Rin.”

    His smile deepens as the feeling of closeness settles

    1. Masked Bard TJ Avatar
      Masked Bard TJ

      Oh, I love how you have Rin’s anger seep through his body! It’s such a fantastic way to describe how it affects him.
      I really feel for Lilith in this as well, actually, Lilith is very similar to how I act when someone isn’t in the mood to hang out but I still want to share space with that person.
      Very relatable!

    2. Alexlalpaca Avatar
      Alexlalpaca

      Oh, I like this one. I find it rather cute! How Lilith, despite being upset by cancelling plans decided to find another way to spend time with and support Rin, and the way Rin, despite being originally annoyed, listened and understood what she was trying to do.

      On that note, I did also like how you wrote Rin getting angry and then calming down.

  17. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
    Matthew R. Wright

    CHEW!
    By Matthew R. Wright

    All was NOT calm at Burshall Farm, Somerset. More frustration, really. Marabelle – longstanding leader of the Burshall Bovine Belief – gave a long and exhausted sigh at the recently discovered body of Herschel; their farmer. Contorted – Twisted – Bent. His hideous form a byproduct of the Belief, of what they did one autumnal night, long ago.

    They formed a hexagonal mud-circle around the remains of dear Herschel. Symbolic – Traditional – Cultural – Purposeful.

    “What now?” questioned Dottie, the least amongst the cattle; tense and full of fears. “What we always do. Bring him back,” replied Marabelle “For it is the way.”

    “Remember: Chew, Moo, Chew, ftaghu.”

    Silence spread across the Burshall fields.

    Each cow lowered their heads in-unison and took a bite of the earth; of grass and dirt. Six points dug into the hexagon that surround the ex-farmer. The Six points – a solemn meaning.

    “Moooooooooooooooo,” chanted the Belief, the floor beneath vibrating with the low, guteral, droning pitch. “Chew.” Every member chewed HARD into their flesh, mixing blood and dirt and spit. Dottie glanced at the hexagon as their eyes glimmered with an anicent golden hue; she could not help but ask…

    “What about the fabric? With each use, we bring IT closer into our plane. Haven’t we threatened our existence enough for this…man? She had NOT been told her place.

    “This IS our way, Dottie. Fabric or not, Herschel must return. Now SPIT!” The mixture dropped from their mouths and onto the hexagonal points which now formed the shape of the Red Seal nessacary for the ritual to begin proper.

    The skies screeched in-pain.

    “Blood given, ftaghu, for a life taken, ph’nglui. We offer ourselves to the unsilent skies above and pray you protect our keeper on his path to provide us with our earthly pleasures.”

    With that another extended “Moooooo,” Marabelle and the others watched as Dottie collapsed dead and Herschal’s twisted form retook its natural shape; unbroken, remade; given new life from old blood.

    Herschal awoke and stared confused at his herd. They stared, silent, at the mud-soaked Somerset farmer.

    1. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Wow, that’s a weird one. And frightening.

      Cows performing (repeatedly!) a ritual to bring back to life their herder, who is completely unaware of what is going on…. and the implication of the terrible cost!

      This really got me completely unaware.

      This is such a novel concept, that I’m still a bit shocked while writing this. I want to find it funny, and in a sense I do, but it is mostly PURE HORROR. And I love it for it.

      Small nitpick in the last moment of the chant before that final “mooo”: “We offer ourselves to the unsilent skies above and [prey/pray] you protect our keeper on his path to provide us with our earthly pleasures.” At least, I hope they mean pray instead of prey (though, really,… maybe they really meant prey and things are just even more disturbing?). Anyway, incredibly ominous chant!

      Thanks for sharing.

    2. Ahahaha this is amazing! The concept, the execution.

      The comic visual of cow-cultists mooing and chewing to raise the dead with Lovecraftian terms like ftaghu and ph’ngluito to really sell the bit.

      The existential dread that comes later as you wonder “Wait does that mean that to these cows this guy is basically God and without him they would perish?”
      Which then handily asks questions about the ways we breeded animal to be dependent on us.
      Yes, I’m definitely reading too much into this.

      Also I’m with Dottie on this, this sounds like it will definitely go wrong as some point ^^

      I’m glad Herschal the farmer doesn’t remember dying a bunch of times, sounds like it’d mess a person ^^

      This story is so good!
      Well done and keep up the good work

    3. this was a good story however i feel like there is a part 1 i missed, dont get me wrong it was a good story kinda reminds me of animal farm but i feel like im missing something, like a prequel. its a good story though i really enjoyed reading it

  18. Iskritt Avatar

    Broken

    By: Iskritt

    It took several moments for Hywel to realize what he was seeing. He had expected to return to the same small town he had left only days before, but what he found was completely different. The buildings were dark and corrupted, sections suddenly breaking off, only reattaching themselves in an instant as if nothing had happened. The warm browns and whites that used to cover the town had been replaced by an all consuming black, with harsh blocks of red and blue being the only hints of color.

    Hywel began hyperventilating as he rushed to the location of his tavern. He hoped it had somehow been spared whatever chaos had befallen his town, but he also knew it was in vain. Sure enough, where his tavern had once stood, there sat a corrupted copy, broken as much as the rest of the town.

    Panic, anger, and confusion rushed through Hywel’s mind. Who had done this? Why? How? Orange mist began spiraling out of his hand as his anger begged to release destructive magic on anything it could. He shook his head and knelt to the ground, trying to calm down and block out the chaos around him.

    “Calm down, calm down, calm down.” Hywel chanted to himself. He could feel his magic growing, surrounding him without his command.

    “HYWEL!”
    A voice shouted above the noise caused by Hywel’s magic. Hywel looked up, trying to find the source, only for his vision to be clouded by a tornado of orange mist.

    “HYWEL, YOU ARE ONLY CAUSING MORE DESTRUCTION! YOU NEED TO STOP!”

    The orange mist was split by purple, revealing his mentor, the one that had taught him magic.

    “Hywel, stop this.”

    Hywel took deep breaths, trying to regain control of his magic through the raw anger that filled him. Instead, he watched as the mist grew, overtaking the small section of purple and hiding his mentor from him once again.

    “I can’t.”

    The noise now overtook any other sound around him, isolating him. Hywel could only feel panic and anger as he watched the chaos he created.

    1. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
      MelancholicOtaku

      First great story. The name Hywel what a interesting name and does it have any meaning. Also can anyone else use magic or is Hywel a special case.Speaking of which what type of magic does he have .
      Also the town what was it like before,does anyone else have the ability to use magic.

    2. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
      Dagmar Makara (dystop)

      An absolutely beautiful piece! I’m not sure if this is part of a larger universe – but it works either way for sure. The tenseness is communicated extremely well, especially that 3rd paragraph about panic, anger + confusion.

      “you are only causing more desturuction” is a great subversion of expectations too – very well written, in addition to his comment “I can’t” when implored to stop.

      Very well written, great job 🙂

  19. WriterOfThought Avatar
    WriterOfThought

    Matthew 7:11
    WriterOfThought

    Haxxus was on his knees in the center of the hall. Blood was dripping into his eyes and he was surrounded by the faceless straw men of the arena.

    How could his own father say he was too weak for the tournament? He let Haxxus’s sister enter, and she was just a caster!

    Too weak? She was too weak! She couldn’t even hold a sword with TWO hands let alone one! The only reason that she ever won anyway was because she wasn’t afraid to hurt him…

    or worse…

    And today, his father and sister would be responsible for new scars on his body.

    In anger, he slashed at the nearest straw dummy. Forgetting the new extreme range of the weapon, he nearly knocked himself off balance as the tip collided with the adjacent wall.

    Suddenly, a lilting voice came from the doorway. “Having fun practicing?”

    The captain had walked in while Haxxus was now losing a fight against a literal strawman. Curse his luck.

    “Not particularly,” Haxxus said, trying his best to regain the dignity that was currently buried in the wall.

    “Oh? And why that be?”

    “Because…” Haxxus trailed off, not wanting to say the words. But they forced themselves free nonetheless.

    “I’m too weak.”

    The captain walked in front of him, carefully examining a torn apart training dummy.

    “Well ye weren’t too weak against that dummy…” the captain trailed off, swiftly unsheathing his scimitars. “And all opponents just be moving dummies anyway, me boyo. So ye already be halfway there already!”

    Haxxus couldn’t help but laugh at the simplicity of such a statement, but then the captain said something surprising.

    “Tell ye what, me boyo, if ye can land a hit on me, and I be the strongest fighter here, that would mean ye can’t be weak, right?”

    He was right. If Haxxus could hit the captain, he would be one of the strongest fighters there. Certainly stronger than his father.

    And after a few minutes of trying, almost completely unexpectedly, Haxxus and his sword found their mark in the captains armor.

    1. Lunabear Avatar

      You wrote two stories! Yay! This one is more action heavy while retaining a lot of emotion. I can FEEL Haxxus’s need to be powerful and worthy. I’m curious as to who’s older between him and his sister. I don’t think that would make much of a difference, but it would add an interesting element to the dynamic depending on their ages, in my opinion.

      Based on how Haxxus sees her, the sister seems to be cold-blooded and less compassionate. Especially if she’s willing to cause him harm to win a fight. Definitely a ruthless warrior, so it’s no wonder their father would choose her for the tournament over Haxxus.

      I really appreciate how the captain not only is a sympathetic figure to Haxxus, but also seems like a father figure. He checks in on Haxxus, the captain listens to his problems and gives positive feedback, and he takes time to help Haxxus work through his battle strategy. The captain also helps him to calm down, which ties great into the prompt. That is a lovely touch.

      Critiques:

      “Father” and “sister” are capitalized once in the middle of the story and nowhere else. ~~And today, his Father and Sister would be responsible for new scars on his body.~~

      As with the above critique, “captain” is capitalized once and nowhere else. ~~Haxxus couldn’t help but laugh at the simplicity of such a statement, but then the Captain said something surprising.~~

      In anger, he slashed at the nearest straw dummy, forgetting the new extreme range of the weapon, he nearly knocked himself off balance as the tip collided with the adjacent wall. (This is a run-on. Ending with dummy, a period can go there, and capitalize “forgetting”.)

      He was right(;) if Haxxus could hit the captain?

      And after a few minutes of trying, almost completely unexpectedly, Haxxus and his sword found their mark in the captain(‘)s armor.

      Please take these with a grain of salt. Might I suggest you work on comma placement? English is weird, and it’s hard to discern where to place them sometimes.

      Overall, I really enjoy the story. I’m not familiar with the bible verse, but the story itself rings with a lot of need for self-discipline as well as examining self value. It’s a very reflective story, which I think you write quite well. Self-reflection and analyzation is needed. I am excited to see what you post next. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this one.

      1. WriterOfThought Avatar
        WriterOfThought

        Thank you for the review!

        I’m usually better at catching grammatical errors than that😂 but that’s what I get for writing it at midnight and not double checking it in the morning.

        The bible verse is “if ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father, who is in heaven, give good gifts unto those that ask?”

    2. The Missing Link Avatar
      The Missing Link

      You can really feel for Haxxus here. It’s really rough and all consuming when not even your family is behind you. At least he has the captain as a positive father figure in his life to do what his real father isn’t good enough a father to do. Good work on the story.

  20. Reinkarnitor Avatar
    Reinkarnitor

    Trump Card

    by Reinkarnitor

    John was sitting on the floor.

    How? How did it come to this? It should have been so simple, just a normal visit…and yet it became so much more.

    “Nowhere left to run” Fiona’s voice sounded like she was enjoying herself immensely.

    “Fiona please…I beg of you, stop this…” John tried to plead with her, but his vampire friend seemed to have no intention to stop.

    Her eyes looked scary, her mouth almost drooling from the knowledge what she was about to do to him.

    “Pleading will not do you any good! This is happening!” Fiona grinned and her tongue ran over her sharp fangs.

    “Just…calm down, please! Don’t do it! You’ll only regret it later!”

    “Oh, I don’t think so!” she laughed and rose her hand.

    She brought it down on the ground and…

    …placed a Plus-Four-Card.

    “UNO!” she exclaimed excited. “Oh and I wish for red! How are you going to get out of this one, huh?” The vampire was clearly very happy with how the game was going.

    “I told you, you should not have done that…but now you have unleashed my fury!” John said with an evil grin.

    And with that he placed down his own Plus-Four-Card on top of hers.

    “You’ll have to take eight. And I wish for blue!”

    “Hey, that’s not fair!” Fiona protested.

    “Wanna bet? I warned you, but as usual you did not listen” he challenged her with a grin.

    That did it. Fiona playfully tackled him to the ground.

    “Not fair at all!” she said again, but this time it was calmer. In her eyes, he could see a sudden change, as she laid atop of him on the floor.

    “Fiona…calm down…”, he said, gently this time, but she shook her head.

    “No. I don’t think I will.”

    And with that her lips were on his.

    1. Neko mori mori Avatar
      Neko mori mori

      Great Sweet romantic comedy
      I love the story

    2. Shinigama Avatar
      Shinigama

      I love it when people put wholesome twists on classic monsters. A vampire who just wants to play UNO. What next? A werewolf who sunk your battleship? A zombie going all in on a poker game?

      The build up was well-written, inferring something sinister before the reveal. You did a great job of that.

      Well done!

      1. Oh, a zombie going all in on poker could have such fun banter!

        Opponent: “You sure you wanna risk it Dave (the zombie)?”
        Zombie (whomst is now called Dave): “Got nothing to lose Margaret, I’m already dead” *puts cigar in mouth, lights it and doesn’t blink as the smoke seeps out of his eye socket.*

    3. MelancholicOtaku Avatar
      MelancholicOtaku

      Nice twist at the end lol, I for one was expecting the worse out come,vampire bites human and bam human is un-alive.Instead we get something cute and wholesome a couple’s game night .Now uno is a highly intense game lol so I wonder how heated did the night really get. Last but not least a wonderful kiss to end things right.

    4. Stardustfaire Avatar
      Stardustfaire

      Awwww!

      What a wonderfully wholesome turn of events. The subversion of expectations was spot on. A vampire who is hungry for an Uno victory?

      The flow of your dialog is natural and conveys a playful, competitive relationship between the two characters. I enjoyed the final twist as well! The pacing led nicely into the reveal that the two were lovers.

      I don’t have any suggestions for you. Really, an overall joy to read.

      Thank you for sharing.

      Cheers,

      Stardust

    5. Masked Bard TJ Avatar
      Masked Bard TJ

      AH! This one got me to actually chuckle aloud! I thought this was going to be a battle scene but, surprise! It’s an UNO match! What a great way to subvert my expectations and make this so fun to read. I can’t help but wonder if they have game nights with any other monster friends.

    6. Hahaha this is so cute <3

      I love the way you set this one up, going all in on the drama only to pull the rug from under us with one hell of a memeable card game XD

      I like how the "You'll regret it later" wasn't just a bluff, it gives a nice edge to the interaction, seeing the tables flip like that ^^

      Well done and keep up the good work ^^

  21. The Cartographers Notebook Avatar
    The Cartographers Notebook

    Accellerate
    by the Cartographers Notebook

    “Deep breaths. Deep. Breaths”. I adjust my posture. Straighten the spine. Eyes in neutral. Arms to the side.
    “No room for mistakes this time. Not this time”, I say to myself as I walk through the door, and enter the accelerator. I freeze.

    The corridor is bathed in an array of harsh red lights. The accelerator was made in our last attempt. To defy IT.

    “For a man that has seen the end of the world in a thousand ways, you are surprisingly quiet.” Jeremy rolls up on my side, his glasses shimmering in the lights. The screeches from the rusty wheels resonate through the hallway. In the end, the door stands like a gateway to hell.

    “I don’t want to do this. It should never have come to this Jeremy. We had a future…”

    “Hey! This was not your fault. You know that. With everything that transpired, it’s remarkable, you’re still sane at all. With how many junctures we have tried…”

    “Im not sane Jeremy. Im merely pretending, but any second my mind will break under the weight. God, I can’t do this. Not again.” I lean against the wall, quakes piercing through me. The door is right there, awaiting me. IT is waiting for me.

    “Hey? Are you ok?”

    “These warp jumps… Jeremy, I can’t take this much longer. How many times have you sent me back? How many times have you pulled me from that door, screaming, IT leaking from my eyes? I can’t…”

    “Hey. I do… I do understand. To carry those memories of undergoing IT over and over again is not a fate that I would wish on anyone. But what alternative do we have? In this juncture, we have nothing left. But maybe, back there, we can find our way.”

    “… Ok. Im ready.”

    He grins at me.

    “Remember. Deep breaths. In. Out.”, He activates the accelerator.

    I walk down the walkway. Feel how my particles pass the barrier of entry. The door unlocks.

    “For the future?”, I say, looking back at him as I start to dissipate.

    “For the future.”

    1. WriterOfThought Avatar
      WriterOfThought

      This is a gorgeous story, and that’s coming from someone who doesn’t usually care for scifi in a literary sense.

      My usual qualms come from when science words end up sounding like placeholder names for magic, but you have not done that here. Every piece fits in its place and this world feels lived in, with real people fighting real battles. Very nice work.

      1. The Cartographers Notebook Avatar
        The Cartographers Notebook

        Thank you so much! I really appreciate the feedback, being how new i am to the entire ordeal. I am happy that i didnt make the, “Its magic, but its SCIENCE magic”, mistake, because i agree that can become kinda old.

        Again thanks for the review 😀

  22. Silence in calm
    By: Boople (TW suicide {I think I should put this here})

    “You want me to calm myself?”

    The host of the party had lost the jacket to his suit, with the button up under shirt split down the front lazily falling off of one shoulder.

    “Now why in the blazes would I do that?! MY party deserves nothing but the best out of all of us!”

    He knocked over cups and plates as he shuffled up to stand on the table he was laying on. Turning to the ballroom with full glass in hand his voice boomed.

    “SO WHY SHOULD ANY OF US BE CALM! IS LIFE NOT A PARTY FOR US ALL TO PLAY OUT?! I SAY YES! SO COME! POUR YOUR HEARTS OUT WITH ME TO… to…”

    The echoes of his voice trailed off into the empty halls of his mansion, and with it his drunken and delusional bravado. As his fantasy escaped him gravity made itself known first to the wine glass in his hand, and as it shattered on the floor the stain of its contents matched the growing puddle on his shirt. He crumpled onto the tabletop yet again, laying on the long shattered and empty dishware, letting his contents spill unto the floor.

    The thud of his body was followed by the silence he had grown so familiar with now. It was not any more comforting now than any time before. And it wasn’t any less reflective either. Even as his life was fading he thought about what he always had. What had led him to his isolation, why he could never possibly feel like he was enough for even himself, how self destructive he was. How he wanted to stop. How he couldn’t stop.

    The party of one ended almost as soon as it began. And the internal desire to calm down, step back and think things through was finally overthrown by the desire for everything to stop.

    And it did.

    1. BEHOLD WORD VOMIT!!!

    2. Shinigama Avatar
      Shinigama

      Interesting take on the prompt. Calm in this case is something sad. I loved the second half of the story, after his speech – it’s very heartbreaking and moving. The last three words end the story suddenly, which I believe was intentional, hinting at the host’s fate.

      I think you could have added a bit about his backstory, hinting at why he became so isolated and alone in the first place. Apart from that, I really liked your piece.

      Well done!

  23. Lunabear Avatar

    No Stronger Mask Than Denial (A Song for: Kit)
    by Lunabear (CW/TW: Scars, references to physical abuse and sexual assault) (Private Repost)

    Sharine traced the scars etched into Kit’s back. His face darkened with each new one discovered.

    “Did your Maker do this?” he seethed.

    “Yes, but it was disciplinary. I NEED to be better.”

    “That’s abuse! Plain and simple.”

    Kit’s nostrils flared. She put the room in between them. “He has to! How else will I learn?”

    “By him actually teaching you. The bond between Maker and Progeny is sacred. He’s an absolute monster. Making you a vampire without your consent AND scarring you! Who does that?”

    “You don’t understand his methods. They’re for my betterment.”

    Sharine appeared calm, but underneath was rage. “Repugnant. He’s almost worse than humans. THEY’RE only good when cattle or dead.”

    That rhetoric never failed to sicken Kit. “He says that, too.”

    “You’re comparing me to HIM?”

    “In this regard, yes. I was human once.”

    “You WERE, Nikita.”

    Her stare hardened. “Supernaturals are capable of the same cruelties.” A memory of a silver-laced whip stung her back. She shoved it away.

    Sharine sighed, defeated. He crossed the room and cupped her face. “I pray you can free yourself.”

    Brief quietness reigned.

    “Why do you hate humans, Sharine?”

    “My older sister, Charlemagne. A group of humans took advantage of her kindness. And her body. They discovered she was Fae and used iron to carve horrible words into her skin.”

    Kit’s lash line choked with tears. Fae couldn’t heal iron damage.

    “They left her for dead. I’m hunting them all down.”

    “How many have you…killed?”

    “Four. I know where the last two reside.”

    “Not all humans are the same. Some are kind, caring. Empathetic.”

    “Show me what it was like for you as a human? Please?”

    He’d shared his pain; it was only fair she returned the favor. She agreed.

    They kissed, losing themselves to their own, special magic.

    Breaking the kiss, they moved to the bed. He snuggled her back to his front, resting his chin against the crown of her head. “We won’t be disturbed here. Take as long as you need.”

    Inhaling a deep, cleansing breath, she began, “For starters, my name wasn’t always Nikita…”

    1. Well done nailing the mindset of the abused. Repeating the things the abuser tells them as if that can make the abuse less somehow.

      I love how the conversation wends through prejudice to finding understanding, and then arrives at catharsis.

      I kind’a have my fingers crossed for Kit in this one. Same with Sharine. May they both find a better place to be.

      1. Lunabear Avatar

        Thank you so very much for your review. I thought the abuse angle would not be as obvious, but I’m glad that it is.

        I’m equally as glad that the prejudice came through. I was trying to work it in a way to where it was feasible as well as natural so that it didn’t feel too abrupt.

        I have my fingers crossed for them, as well. I want them both to be happy and successful and at peace.

        Thank you again so much for your feedback.

    2. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      This one, as always you mix pain and beauty so well. I live for it. The ending is poetic and is sequel bait. Can’t wait to read more.

      1. Lunabear Avatar

        Thank you so very much for your feedback. Lol. I didn’t intend for it to be sequel bait, but that’s one way you can put it. Glad you enjoyed.

    3. I love the idea, it’s absolutely an idea and scene that can be explored to an incredible end result. I feel tho there may have been too much happening for a short story. you could easily turn this whole thing into a chapter or two in a book and you squished it into a short story for here. it’s still very well done but I’d love 350 words focused on just the relationship between progeny and maker, or exploring sharines whole history and reasoning behind the animosity. and It might be just me, the lad who never writes kisses, but it felt a bit outta nowhere.

      Overall this has been a buffet of thought and potential! well done

      1. Lunabear Avatar

        Thank you for your feedback.

        There actually is an entire chapter about this. So much so that I was able to split it into two separate stories for these two prompts. If you would like to read it, I don’t mind sharing the link. Also, this is a slow burn. Just because every bit of context isn’t given in this one story doesn’t mean it won’t ever be revealed. We get a maximum of 350 words. And while I could have chosen other things from the chapter to write about, I felt this was the most important.

        I actually have several stories focused on Kit and her Maker uploaded to the site for other prompts.

        I don’t have any intention of writing from Sharine’s perspective, at least not in this part of the story. Perhaps down the line. Also, the reasoning for his animosity is stated in the story: he’s enraged about what happened to his sister.

        As for the kiss, they both have issues with the other’s views, they discuss them, they calm down, and they reach a level to where they feel the kiss is warranted.

        Thank you again for your review.

        1. Lee Trask Avatar
          Lee Trask

          The link is to another Tale Foundry prompt or you have a separate site you post on? I’m relatively new to this group and would love to read me about this universe.

          1. Lunabear Avatar

            Are you on Tale Foundry? I have Google documents. Thank you for your interest.

            1. Lee Trask Avatar
              Lee Trask

              “on Tale Foundry” as in the Discord server? No. Couldn’t figure out how to do that. So I ended up creating my own discord server to house my own writings. If you’re interested in sharing docs, my Gmail account is my name, one word no punctuation, at gmail dot com.

              1. Lunabear Avatar

                What’s your server name?

    4. Masked Bard TJ Avatar
      Masked Bard TJ

      Oh, oh wow, this brought tears to my eyes! The conflict of one being a former human, and the other disgusted with humans despite the person they are trying to help had been one. Ahhh, such good complex layers of drama and pain. You catch the mindset of someone living with abuse and someone who is fighting against abusers, in a way that just makes me wish for the best for these characters.
      Thanks for sharing this!

      1. Lunabear Avatar

        Thank you so so much for your review, Masked! I can’t tell you how much it means to me. This one was a bit hard for me to write because of my own personal experiences, but I’m glad you’re rooting for them.

        Thank you again!

    5. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      There is a lot to love in this piece. I love how I’m getting to know these two, and how caring (and even when caring, how natural it is to blunder it all sometimes and be a little off in trying to communicate) they can be.

      That being said, although I really love a lot in it (and I’m a sucker for people that get closer through shared vulnerabilities, and it seems like this moment is not only present here, but was also built thematically with the whole blood exchange thing that went on and brought us here), there are a few things that felt a little strange in this one. Specially considering the preceding pieces.

      This one seems to start in one pace and then suddenly rushes on, and that felt a little bit strange. I think this has to do with the necessity of bring it all up to make the whole moment fit in 350 words, but still…

      And, although later when Sharine talks about his sister it makes sense, the first part when he is comparing Kit’s makers to humans seems a bit odd as well – as if he is purposefully trying to make the comparison worse by stressing the human part of the deal, even if it is very clear he wants to paint the maker as the monster. That might be just me (and I feel like there is something more going on in this world and how supernaturals see humans that I didn’t quite get yet), but ?I still think it is worth pointing it out.

      Anyway, two minor details that I found a bit strange, but the story is great regardless. I can’t wait to see how this progresses! Thanks for sharing!

      1. Lunabear Avatar

        Thank you so much for your review! Oh, no, this is ABSOLUTELY rushed. That critique is warranted. I had to chop this down from over 3,000 words, and I tried to pick what I felt connected best to the last story and lent the most relevance to the continuation and current prompt.

        But him speaking about his sister, Kit’s Maker, and humans are all connected. Because of the scars on Kit’s back (caused by her Maker), it leads Sharine to the conclusion that her Maker is indeed awful while also reminding him of the cruelty of humans. That, in turn, leads him to talking about what happened with his sister involving the humans, something he had promised to share with Kit earlier in the story. And he’s not painting the Maker as a monster; the Maker IS a monster. Also, not all supernaturals see humans as inferior, but because of what happened to his sister, Sharine does. At this time, he cares more about Charlemagne than Kit (but his affection for her is growing), and so in his mind, humans ARE worse than Kit’s Maker, although not by much. It’s why he’s going through all of the trouble to find the humans and kill them. It’s better explored in the longer version.

        Thank you so very much again for your review. I am very glad that people are enjoying this duo. They are really fun to write and get to know. I look forward to sharing the next installment.

  24. Xavier21 Avatar

    Mrs. Jones’s Lottery Prize
    By Xavier Twentyone

    A million dollars! A million dollars! Can you imagine that?!

    Oh, it’s been so long since I got this excited from a bunch of strangers with suits. Oh! What am I gonna do about this situation?! About my kid’s college tuition! About my food! About everything else?! Oh! Don’t get me started with this one!

    Ophidia medium tone, green leather… yas queeennn! Jackie 1961, medium GG supreme canvas… slaaayyyyy! But a couple of Uniqlo bags aren’t bad too ya know…

    Oh! Where is my manners?! Of course come in come in. Ummm coffee or tea? Awesome!

    *****

    You watch me as you hand me pieces of paper that my husband has to sign. Adorable. If you want to watch me, then try this one on.

    Bzzzzzzz. Bzzzzzzz.

    “Yes honey… umm there are three guests in our house from Chase Bank who said that we won one million dollar lottery honey! One million DOLLARS!… ehem yeah, I have checked their IDs, all of them are legit! Yeah, yeah… so… which one of us will receive the money?”

    You watch me again as I write my ban—I mean my husband’s bank account and his signature on a blank paper. I can only console you with my expertise on my husband’s signature as I tell you that my husband will come home “late,” as late as midnight.

    I know that you guys must have a tight schedule that requires you to travel long distances just to make a meeting… I mean, I once was a yuppie at a bank like you guys too ya know. I can also see you guys bring some traveling bags….

    So… which one do you guys pick? Your delayed schedule or my number?

    *****

    Mr. Jones arrives at his house and sees an ambulance at the doorstep. He run to the nurses carrying his unconscious wife on a stretcher.

    “What happened here!?” asks Mr. Jones.

    “Are you Tyrone Jones?” asks one of the nurses.

    “Yeah…”

    “Your wife got a heart attack this evening from getting too excited about her lottery. There’s no real way to sugarcoat it.”

    1. Lunabear Avatar

      This is an energetic story, Xavier. Pretty good for this prompt. I don’t know too many people who COULD calm themselves at winning 1 million dollars. I will say that throughout this story, I thought Mrs. Jones had murdered her husband for life insurance instead of winning the lottery. It’s because of the way you write it in some spots.

      Critiques:

      The perspectives and the perspective shifts are jarring. The first one is second person limited then it abruptly changes to third person. If you can’t make the transition seamless, then sticking to one type is better.

      Also in regards to Mrs. Jones’ point of view, it’s difficult sometimes to understand when she’s talking to the audience and to the people handling the transferring of the money.

      “Your wife (had) a heart attack this evening from getting too excited about her lottery.

      Overall, this story is interesting. It’s sad about what happens to Mrs. Jones, but that tends to happen when you put too much stress on your heart. Thank you so for writing and sharing this.

      1. Xavier21 Avatar

        Thanks for your comment Luna!

        I really need to upgrade my English writing skill lol. But besides the grammar correction, this story is just an experiment that cooperate 3 POV in one story. First part is 1st person POV mostly stream of conscientiousness, the second part is 2nd person limited POV, and the third part is 3rd person limited POV. But looks like the 3rd POV didn’t blend enough with the story, so once again thanks Luna.

      2. Xavier21 Avatar

        Oh I also forgot to mentioned that I purposefully make it difficult to understand when Mrs. Jones is talking to the audience and/or to other people for the sake of artistic vision, to make it seems like she is in her own world that blends with her present reality (so there is this sort of fever dream-like feel. Whether it works you or not depending on your opinion).

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Well, this week it seems like I will be mostly saying that overall I agree with what Luna has already said… it is difficult to comment on specifics when other people were already so thorough with the whole piece, so let me just point out that I can second all that she has already pointed out, and then comment on a few impressions.

      It might be just me, but the repetition of “abouts” in the second paragraph seemed unnecessary (grammatically speaking) and made those lines feel a little too crowded. And, as enumerations go, I found the elements pointed out there a little bit strange. I guess you were trying to make a jump from immediate material concerns in that paragraph to the more luxury ones in the next, but at least to me it felt… I don’t want to say rushed, since I think it should be rushed; but a little too spread out. From food to college tuition there is such a range of preoccupations, and then jumping to basically everything and THEN to luxury items… I think it could be better parsed.

      Apart from that, and what Luna has already pointed out, this was a very unexpected use of the prompt. It certainly got me unaware. Not exactly my style of story, but certainly fresh and experimental (with the different narrative voices). Flash fiction might be the best place to be that experimental with rapid changes, and you certainly took the opportunity and ran with it. Thanks for sharing.

      1. Xavier21 Avatar

        Thanks for your comment Aracnarquista!

        I forgot to mention to Luna that I purposefully make it difficult to understand when Mrs. Jones is talking to the audience and/or to other people for the sake of artistic vision. That is, to make it seems like she is in her own world that blends with her present reality (so there is this sort of fever dream, drunk-like feel. Whether it works or not are depends on Luna’s opinion and and yours). On how the enumerations and the “abouts” goes, the enumerations are my attempt to depict the hectic thoughts of people that have sudden over-excitement. I do admit that I don’t have enough skill to depict the authenticity of the experience, so I focus on the character of Mrs. Jones who is somewhat of a gold digger (although not chronic) while being a mother and a house wife. The jumping thoughts basically reflects her character as a whole (this is why she tricked the people handling the money with her bank account instead of her husband’s). Whether it is succeeded or not depends on the audience’s opinion (I still wanna hear your thoughts on this story after reading this comment).

        I also wanna point out that if sometimes I seem to brush off the critics, make excuses for the critics, or doesn’t want to accept the critics, then it is not m intention of doing so. I just wanna say that things that Luna’s and your critics are purposefully implemented here, to products of accident (except for the grammar and the jarring transition).

        Once again, thanks for commenting.

  25. Shinigama Avatar
    Shinigama

    All for some Peace and Quiet
    by Shinigama

    Open the apartment door, close it. Shoes off, bag placed down beside them. Straight to the kitchen, make tea, put a couple of biscuits on a plate. To my bedroom and strip! I leap into bed in just my underpants, tea in one hand, biscuit in the other, and breathe….

    Ah, it’s so nice to have a moment for oneself. Now, to finish reading that book I’ve been-

    BTSUM! BTSUM! BTSUM!

    The grating sound of techno bursts through my bedroom wall, making me spill tea all over my crotch!

    Cursing, I leap up and smack my fist against the wall, yelling at my moronic neighbour! But the electronic thundering continues to make my ears bleed.

    Swearing to turn that brat’s skin into new sofa, I stomp out my door and over to his, slamming it with my palm and bellowing at him to it down.

    The music stops. Through the door, I hear a muffled ‘sorry.’

    I head back over to my door, reaching for my keys.

    They’re not there.

    I have a mini-heart attack, realizing I’m stuck outside my apartment in just my underwear unable to get back in!

    Obscenities that would make a devil blush burst from my tongue. What do I do now?!

    Wait, the bathroom window! I left it open this morning because it was so warm today! Thankfully, I live on the ground floor!

    I run to the front entrance door and open it slowly. Look left, look right, no one coming! I hop as quickly as I can around the back to the narrow slit of my bathroom window, about two meters off the ground. I grab the sill, and heave myself up. Brilliant! I just have to slide through this gap, climb onto the toilet, then-

    I’m stuck.

    My legs dangle helplessly outside, as inside I twist and turn, trying to squeeze my considerable gut through the window frame! But I won’t budge.

    And then I hear a camera click outside.

    Followed by the sounds of children giggling!

    I put my face in my hands. I just wanted some peace and quiet!

    1. love the “one damn thing after another”-ness of this story. I got a good chuckle at the misfortune this poor lad and if you leaned into a more comedic angle this would be a fantastic comedy! gotta say I love the blaring threat to turn a brats skin into a sofa and having the responce be ‘sorry’, which I can only imagine as the most sheepish sorry the brat had ever uttered.

      Overall Well done!

    2. Poor sod. Why do they invent self-locking doors?

      At least in Aus, we have doors you have to lock manually, so this is not a problem.

      I do love the comedy of it, all the same. Very well done.

  26. Skyler Keenan Avatar
    Skyler Keenan

    The Trouble Maker
    By Skyler K
    Emma gulped and got in between the two enemies, the last thing she wanted was to have James go in his werewolf form in public.

    “Come on guys….let’s just try and calm down…” she chuckled as james deeply growled

    Becky sighs and rolls her eyes. Honey laughed “Oh what is it james? To weak to actually defend yourself and have to depend on your friends to-”

    James dangerously growled and Honey seemed to notice the werewolf scratch on james’s neck, still fresh, and smirked at the opportunity to embarrass her ex, pushing past the younger brunette

    “Honey don’t you-” Emma started but Honey interrupted her

    “Come on James…..have some honour at least ” the blond snapped, and at that point James snapped and punched Honey into the ground, his eyes getting thinner.
    The problem causer By Skyler

    Emma finally managed to get where the two of them were and grabbed
    James from behind to prevent a fight happening as Becky dragged the problem causing blond. Emma sighed in relief and let James go and went in front. Who was huffing and puffing ready to fight, Emma gently put her hands on his shoulders, her grip being just firm enough to prevent him from moving.

    “Hey Jamie, let’s head home, before honey comes back and causes more issues” She whispered softly as becky came back and nodded

    “Yeah, I got us donuts on the way back here,” Becky replied, holding up a paper bag as proof.

    James eventually nodded, his eyes looking slightly more human now.

    The three headed back to their cabin in the middle of the woods, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to go back into town until James learned to control the other side of him.

    1. Lunabear Avatar

      I like the story. Lots of high energy here, Skyler. Having it revolve around a werewolf trying to control his bestial urges is really good for this particular prompt. Also adding into that mix is an antagonizing ex. Emotions and hormones already run high when you have an animal locked inside of you; I believe they skyrocket 20 times over when your current girlfriend is in a fighting mood combined with your best friend being in a fighting mood. Sprinkle in a dose of the spiteful ex-girlfriend being accompanied by two other antagonists, and it is nearly impossible for anyone to calm down in that type of situation.

      It is nice to read about them waiting and working towards calming James down, as well as having him do his best to control his monstrous side. They seem to have a really good friendship.

      The ending turned out surprisingly well considering there is a wild beast unable to control himself for the most part. So really great job on that.

      Critiques:

      There are a lot of periods missing from the story.

      James is not capitalized in quite a few spots. Also, there are other names that are not capitalized.

      There is some usage of present tense and past tense. Try to be mindful of sticking to one tense unless you can easily transition between them. ~~Becky sighs and rolls her eyes. Honey laughed “Oh what is it james?~~

      Also, there are some run-on sentences as well as spacing issues between the paragraphs. And I also think you put an alternate title and your name in the middle of the story. ~~The problem causer By Skyler

      Emma finally managed to get where the two of them were and grabbed~~

      Some grammatical issues also arise.

      When did Becky come back from dragging Honey away?

      May I suggest getting a proofreader beforehand to catch some of these mistakes? As it sits now, your story is very difficult to read. But do please keep writing and honing your skills. Despite the critiques, the story is nice. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing.

      1. Skyler Keenan Avatar
        Skyler Keenan

        Thank you for the comment! The main reason the grammer is weird and stuff is mostly because i use google docs to prove reading. And I forgot to mention when becky was back

    2. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
      Matthew R. Wright

      You could easily read this as a metaphor, with your use of the ‘going werewolf’. I know that you mean it literally within this story, but it could very easily be used as a story of someone’s darker side coming out within a more realistic story. Either way, I love the use of language in this story and the fable like touches included. Good job.

  27. The Missing Link Avatar
    The Missing Link

    Anticipation
    By: The Missing Link

    Nathanial was sweating bullets. The last thing he could live with was to screw this up. He was on a date with the girl of his dreams, she actually laughed at his awkward jokes, and also… there was a bomb under their table.

    “Nice uh… weather we’re having,” he started. Stupid.

    Carol looked out the window at the rain and chuckled. Her smile made Nathaniel’s heart speed up a good 20 bpm. God he was nervous.

    59

    “You ok?” Carol’s auburn hair cascaded around her face, sending more sweat rolling across Nathaniel’s palms.

    “No… yeah, just nervous, sorry.”

    “Don’t worry. I won’t walk out on you,” she joked.

    45

    Nathaniel could hear the fear in his own forced laugh. “R-right.”

    Carol cocked her head to the side. Was the waiter always this slow?

    30

    “So Carol…”

    “Hmm”

    “You’re not gonna believe this, but,”

    “Your drinks, sir, madam,” the waiter said, causing Nathaniel’s heart to leap out of his chest.

    15

    “Um… thanks. Can you get the manager over here?”

    Carol frowned. The waiter barely hid a wave of worry behind his customer service smile.

    10

    “There’s uh… there’s a timer under the table.”

    8

    “I think it’s a bomb.”

    6

    The two simultaneously responded, “You’re kidding… right.”

    4

    Nathaniel swallowed stale air and shook his head, feeling as pale as the other two looked, or rather more.

    2

    1

    The events that proceeded next were hard to describe, but to summarize, the table flipped, everyone ran, Nathaniel tackled Carol to shield her from the blast, and finally the bomb went off.

    The resulting explosion could have been described as… artistic. The words, “Please Marry Me,” shot up in burning lights from the overturned table.

    The waiter looked white as a sheet as he ran away shouting, “Sorry, wrong table.”

    1. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
      Dagmar Makara (dystop)

      Aahahaha, that was perfectly executed and hilarious! What a great take on the prompt! So many of these stories are oftentimes serious or dark so it’s very refreshing to see someone take it in a comedy direction (and do it well in addition!) Great job 🙂

    2. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      Man, I hate it when that happens. Funny, we both write about a person who likes a redhead. What are the odds? Keep it up.

    3. Shinigama Avatar
      Shinigama

      Love the twist! And I love how you combined a previous prompt with this one!

      It’s hard to pick a particular moment that I liked about this story. I found Nathaniel’s nervousness very relatable. I really liked how you just dropped a bomb (quite literally) by revealing that there was an explosive beneath the table. And the final line was the cherry on top!

      Thanks for making me smile!

    4. Stardustfaire Avatar
      Stardustfaire

      What a wonderful twist!

      I enjoyed the structure of the piece. Conveying the sense of urgency in a scene like this and the emotions felt by the main character is difficult to execute in writing. The paragraph breaks and corresponding countdown help build anticipation. Your dialogue pacing and shifts to Nathaniel’s thoughts helped convey the chaos he felt as a character.

      The numbers you picked at the beginning of the piece, “59, 45, 30…” complimented the pacing. I think using “10, 5, 1” might work better to convey the sense of urgency for the last part of the piece. Switching to increments of two, “10, 8, 6…” created too many breaks and caused the climax of the piece to become a bit choppy.

      Finally, I think your third and second to last paragraph could use more detail. Make your verbs work! And maybe use some sentence fragments, to show your reader the chaos of the scene. Lean into the sentence structure you utilized earlier in the piece!

      Same suggestion for the explosion in the second to last paragraph. What color are the lights? Perhaps describe the look on Carol’s face? How does our main character feel about that message appearing in the midst of a first date?

      Wonderful story and great writing! My favorite part was the waiter’s embarrassed dash away. Now it’s his turn to panic. 🙂

      Thanks for sharing,

      Stardust

    5. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      And here I am, quite surprise as how Mr. Hitchcock’s idea was taken!

      That was incredible.

      The twist was great, and the realization that it was supposed to be under another table is also quite funny. One thing is certain: Nathaniel and Carol sure will have stories to tell about this particular date!

      And most probably the other couple as well. This certainly didn’t go out as planned.

      Anyway, this was quite delightful. Thanks a lot for sharing this one.

  28. Tamela Redfin Avatar
    Tamela Redfin

    Stupid sexy Granite!

    By Tamela Redfin

    Sapphira knocked on the halfling door of her neighbor’s house. “Mica?” Where could he have gone?

    “I’m over here, where are…” She paused, staring at him.

    His long red hair was slicked back and he had on a black leather jacket and bright red leather pants. “Hey, hope it looks okay. My mom says this was my dad’s jacket, that’s why it doesn’t quite fit. Is that a new shirt?”

    Sapphira stared down at her sapphire blue shirt. “Uh yeah. Totally didn’t steal this from my sister.”

    “Awesome, ready to ride?” He asked.

    “Let’s do it!” Sapphira replied. But suddenly her mind was blank. Gosh, did Mica look attractive in that leather jacket.

    “You okay? Earth to Sapphira.”

    “Uh, I forgot my reins. I’ll be right back.” She finally squeaked. She left, trying to figure out what was wrong with her. She never saw Mica like that!

    Then she bumped into her twin Zirconia. “Hey, is that my shirt?”

    “Uh no. Listen, you go riding with Mica, okay? I think we have color contacts somewhere…”

    “Whoa, whoa whoa, you don’t want to ride horses? What happened to you?”

    “I saw Mica, and he had this really cute jacket and his hair was slicked back and…”

    “Oh I didn’t know you liked him and he turned you on.” Zirconia winked.

    “That’s not fair! Why can’t I be attracted to nobody, like you?” Sapphira stamped her foot. “Stupid sexy Granite.”

    “First of all, you’ve heard of the Redhead Panic in our family. Second, oh my gosh, my little sister has a crush!”

    “Shut up.” She covered Zirconia’s mouth.

    “Nope, cause this is huge Sapph. You need to go out with him. Then tell me all the details, okay?”

    “If it will shut you up, sure thing, Zurie.” Sapphira rolled her eyes.

    She went out to Mica waiting for her and held some reins. Why did Mica slick his hair back?

    1. Oh noes! The nerd has a bad boy look!

      I suddenly need to know about the Redhead Panic in Sapphira’s fam. They all have a prediliction towards redheads?

      It’s like “Oh no he’s hot” all of a sudden and I’m here for it. Nice to see a sapphire turning ruby red.

      1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
        Tamela Redfin

        Yes, most of them do for the Readhead Panic.
        Tiffani (Cece’s mom) fell for a redhead, I think Zirconia will like a strawberry blonde, Jasper love a copper red, and if you could count Reagan, Lukas her red eyes, so…close enough? Oh and their grandma is a redhead.

        So yeah. She should have seen this coming. XD

    2. I will say I find the situation adorable, but I truly have no idea what this world is. there feels like a MASSIVE amount of context that I’m missing but I was still very fun. now aside from that.

      again the situation that you developed lends itself to a wonderful potential character moment, and I was a little jarred at the transition to the sister and the fact that it happened at all. I think a moment by herself would’ve been a great opportunity to look into sapphira’s thoughts unobscured, then perhaps bumping into the sister while lost in thought. who knows. and i feel like “Oh I didn’t know you liked him and he turned you on” could have been a bit more teasing or annoying. being so succinct feels rushed to me.

      I have all that to say because It is such a well of potential, Overall well done!!

    3. The Missing Link Avatar
      The Missing Link

      Ok, subverting the twins impersonating each other thing, love it. It’s so much more fun that Zirconia makes her sister go through with the date with the boy she likes. He went through the trouble to do up his hair for her after all. I hope a future story tells us what happens during the ride.

    4. It’s only now that it occured to me how funny it would be if Zirconia had been like, “What are you doing? Go ride with Mica” and then he comes over like, “Saph? What’s wrong?” and Zirconia sees him and starts pushing her towards the house like, “Weren’t you saying something about contact lenses?”

  29. Temporary Peace of Mind [A Devil’s Tale]
    C. M. Weller

    Of all the terrifying creatures wandering above and below the ground, there were few as terrifying as a Hellkin deep in rage. They were naturally magical creatures, and were prone to leaking magic in times of emotional duress.

    THIS had to be one hell of a duress.

    Earl Kormwind IX had taken his bodyguard’s sword and was screaming as he hacked the bed in his chamber into splinters. Foam was at the corners of his mouth. But that was just the centre of everything else going on.

    Shadows squirmed and writhed in unnatural shapes. Water anywhere near him looked like blood, and any water closer to him had the appearance of a dark and foul ichor. Flames burned blood red and some of them seemed to be dripping. Eldritch voices whispered incomprehensible phrases and the air smelled like burning flesh.

    Bishop Salvig Balaans spent a moment calming HERSELF before venturing forwards. “Please. Kindly restrain the Earl.” She summoned her love of Tyr and all creatures needing succour. “I know it’s frightening, but it is all illusion.”

    “One fuck of an illusion,” muttered the bodyguard.

    He was obviously so furious that he didn’t see or hear anyone else. It took two castle guards to still his sword arm, two more for each of his limbs. Including the tail. Salvig had to squeeze between them to reach the Earl’s brow.

    A gentle palm to his head. Tip the scales away from rage and towards peace.

    “Easy,” she said out loud. “It’s over, now.”

    She could chase his anger from him, but that only left room for his grief.

    Mourning his lost fiancee. Words escaped him but few were intelligible. “I saw her die,” was in the middle of it. He clung to her because she was one willing to soothe him.

    Would that she could cure all of his pains. But there was no divine cure for this kind of madness.

    1. Tamela Redfin Avatar
      Tamela Redfin

      Those illusions. They are scary. You know what’s not? The awesome quality of this!

      1. There’s REASONS why Hellkin are terrifying to most.

    2. Shinigama Avatar
      Shinigama

      The description of the room as the Earl hacked his bed to pieces were intense. I especially liked “…any water closer to him had the appearance of a dark and foul ichor.” Your descriptive writing is really well done and drives home the intensity of the hellkin’s rage.

      I also liked how the Bishop had to calm herself down before dealing with the angry creature before her. Honestly, you could apply that to a lot of real-life situations, where the more shocking and unstable a situation is, the more there is a need for a cool head.

      Great writing!

      1. Cool heads definitely prevail in this situation. I introduced Kosh as a small child, and in this bit we see why Hellkin are firkin terrifying.

        I should probably find the chapters this relates to for the future read

    3. Is it me or do our stories have commonalities more often than other authors?

      So what was it? A nightmare? Weird shadow premonitions? Just that period of time where he hasn’t learned her death was greatly exaggerated.

      I also love the image needing a whole priest and 10 other guys to calm him down. Nuts man.

      What’s the range on that illusion or whatever? It’d suck for some guard at the gate going to take a piss and think it’s blood.

      1. Nightmare plus the period of time that her death was greatly exaggerated. Two outta three is pretty dang good, actually

        I think I put it somewhere in the book that he can influence things up to seventy-three feet away from him, but if he’s SUPREMELY stressed, [like here] that can double.

        Good thing my lad can usually constrain his emotions.

        Also loving the idea of it influencing piss and causing a panic XD I may use that later…

  30. EmoWolf10 Avatar
    EmoWolf10

    Calm
    By Emowolf10

    Michael watched as Aoba threw his necklace at the wall. He knew that his friend was upset right now. While others would tell Aoba that he needed to calm down, Michael knew it was better to let him vent his anger.

    He walked closer to his friend, his brother in everything in blood.

    “She tricked me, she tricked all of us! I thought she was honest, that she actually wanted to be a family. For us to be a family! For us to be together! I did everything I could do to get here. I thought that for just one moment that we could be reunited, and everything would be just as it was before everything.”

    Aboa was a volcano with his black hair that was normally straight now frazzled. His eyes leaking hot tears from his green eyes that now glowed a hot red. Like this the scar on his face made him appear almost animalistic to Michael.

    “But it was just a test, and now I find out that she is willing to trade us all in for some information! We are just pawns… expendable tools for her to play with! And now-”

    He cut himself off with a sob. It was just too much. He fell into Michael’s arms.

    Michael comforted him as they both sat down to contemplate what just happened. He could only imagine the pain that Aoba was going through.

    When the war had started, they had promised him to do their best to find his mother. That they would be ok when they found Pandora. They wouldn’t need to constantly watch their backs or being careful with who to trust. This place, their home, was supposed to be free from the pain of the war. Yet it had come slithering back into their lives. In the form of Aoba’s mother that was sending them back into the snake’s den.

    But in this dire moment, they desperately needed to calm down and figure a way out.

    “It’s ok Aoba… we are going to get through this buddy, just take it easy… relax…”. He said soothingly.

    “We are going to be alright, okay? We’ve dealt with this before, and we can deal with this again… okay?”

    Aoba looked at him with puffy eyes and nods, “Okay… Okay… We’ll be okay…” he smiled.

    1. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
      Dagmar Makara (dystop)

      Great piece of flash fiction! I love the addition’s you made since I saw the draft, especially the very animalistic, pretty explosive description that you give Aboa… the pain in this deception is conveyed very well. I also really like the context you’ve added of war, it makes me want to know more about these characters. From what I can tell Aboa is the more emotional type and Michael is protective of him, but I’d love to hear more about these guys in future stories! Great job, especially for a first attempt : ) Keep writing!

    2. Matthew R. Wright Avatar
      Matthew R. Wright

      Such a realistic sounding conversation, as if plucked from real life. We’ve all been that kind of person to someone, a person that just has to absorb the persons anger or upset, allowing them to vent, to be their crash mat. I feel really sorry for your character’s situation, but love the comforting nature of Aoba, great characterisation.

    3. Xavier21 Avatar

      It’s really a fantastical story. I also would never expect that you will write this kind of story where one of the character is a volcano. However, there are a bit of plot holes in your story. How can Michael hold a volcano like Aoba? How can a volcano be tricked b a girl? How can their name is so casual (I get the Aoba part, but the Michael part that I asked)?

  31. Sand Diggin.

    By Galer.

    This beach was one of the few earthlike planets outside the solar system, it was a tourist attraction once the P.S.U colonized it. To this day it keeps being researched and explored, for its rich ecosystem and geographical curiosities.

    However, the calm atmosphere on the beach was interrupted. By the laughter of overly happy children.

    “HAHAHA!”

    The joy was palpable around the human and spider-like alien child, playing tag with each other.

    The spider child, Rohuld, jumped in all directions with the intent of not being touched by Jonathan, the human child. If Jonathan wasn’t nanomachine augmented like almost all humans in his polity, he would have lost against the Soalian nine times out of ten.

    Although Jonathan cheated a bit with some reaction-enhancing runes.

    He managed to win some of the games he had with Rohuld. That being said, they might have a bit of too much excitement since they were becoming a blur leaving rifts in the sand.

    More like almost digging a trench since they were going with such speed and force that it was marking the beach.

    Until the two were stopped in their tracks.

    “Woah, Woah, Woah, Little brood; you shouldn’t go that fast, calm down,” Kirug, mother of Rohuld said. Her alien tongue was translated by the implants. “No need to dig a hole on the beach with your friend.”

    “Yeah, you both are full of too much energy sometimes,” Alberto said to his son. ” Come on, Jonathan, we are going to eat a turkey and you can play later. But please can you do it with more restraint next time? I doubt the beach could handle your game.”

    “Ok,” said Rohuld cheerfully, with Jhonathan just nodded his head towards his father. Both children after eating and napping for a time were at the game of tag again, this time with less force.

    The fathers could only smile at their little kids. Even with superpowers, magic, and augmentations, children will always find a way to play with them.

    1. Lunabear Avatar

      This is a sweet story, Galer. Interspecies friendships, especially when they’re so young, is wholesome and darling. I love that you establish immediately that this isn’t Earth and colonization of other planets have happened. This makes it easier to transition to the other science fiction and fantasy elements later on. One of my favorites is the translating implants.

      Of course children are going to be rambunctious because children. Great parenting. Integrating this prompt into a story with children is a brilliant move, as they always need to be told to calm down.

      This isn’t a critique, but I’m curious as to where Jonathan’s mother is. His father and both of Rohuld’s parents are mentioned.

      Critiques:

      This beach was one of the few earthlike planets outside the solar system(.) (I)t was a tourist attraction once the P.S.U colonized it.

      “Woah, Woah, Woah, Little brood; you shouldn’t go that fast(.) (C)alm down,” Kirug, mother of Rohuld said.

      “Yeah, you both are full of too much energy sometimes,” Alberto said to his son. (“)Come on, Jonathan(;) we are going to eat a turkey

      “Ok,” said Rohuld cheerfully, with Jhonathan (Jonathan) just nodd(ing) his head towards his father.

      Overall, this is a precious story. Two children playing in the sand. Thank you for writing and sharing this.

    2. EmoWolf10 Avatar
      EmoWolf10

      I like how wholesome this is, the innocent of children not caring about anything but having fun. The joy and heart warm feeling I can feel from this is real. Its everything I love in short wrapped in a bow. Keep up the great work! I have no complaints or suggestions other than keep it up!

    3. Dagmar Makara (dystop) Avatar
      Dagmar Makara (dystop)

      Wow, what worldbuilding so fast! It’s excellent that you characterise a beach as a colonised solar system thing (it’s sad, but the way you describe it is great)

      I love your little turns of phrases like “the spider child” and cheating a bit with the runs. In such a short space you’ve really set up a bunch of worldbuilding and it’s super impressive!

      That last paragraph is an absolute gut-punch when y ou realise the overall arch of the story. Overall a very good job, well done : )

  32. Something There That Wasn’t There Before
    By Marx

    I’ve known this Old One for only a few days as humans tell time and… I hadn’t realized that in that time I’d forgotten what he is.

    He’s shown me nothing but compassion and kindness. More than I would have thought a demon like him capable of.

    He brought me back from the brink when I was at my lowest and my most…

    …self destructive…

    I hadn’t even realized that he’s become my protector.

    Me.

    A warrior angel.

    A perfect being created for combat being protected by a Hellborne engine of destruction.

    I hate that I need the help, but I am no longer perfect. And ‘they’ know it.

    ‘They’ made me this way.

    So I begrudgingly accept his protection even though he should be my enemy.

    I can’t see him that way anymore if I’m being honest with myself.

    Even now, as the jagged spikes on his massive fists are covered in the blood of his victims.

    Even now, as those who didn’t suffer from that beating burn from the fire that spews from his mouth, lighting the whole area aflame.

    Even now, as both those who fought him and those who fled die under the same umbrella of his brutality.

    Even now, as he hunts every last one of them to extinction.

    Because I know he’s doing it for me.

    ‘They’ were never a threat to him.

    ‘They’ just wanted to finish me off.

    And now there is no more ‘they’.

    As he roars at the sky, shaking the very ground we stand on, I should be terrified. I should be preparing to defend myself when he turns his eyes on me.

    Instead, I approach him and wrap both my arms and my remaining wing around him as I say, “It’s okay. You got them. You got them all.”

    I hear his ragged breathing slow as he finally realizes he’s out of targets and asks, “…are you okay?”

    I instinctively look over to where my other wing should be. I can never return to Heaven like this.

    But I don’t care anymore.

    As long as he’s with me.

    1. Lee Trask Avatar
      Lee Trask

      This reminds me of a recent incident when I “saw red” at people maligning my partner. To me they wanted to tear down an angel, and, in my “righteous anger”, I acted in a manner I can’t say I’m proud of. To be honest, I instantly saw them as an enemy and wanted to destroy them. I became the demon…

      Having each sentence as its own line is an interesting choice. What is that reason for that? For me it made the story harder to read.

      1. I can completely empathize with that and a similar situation(though I still feel my anger was completely justified) might have unintentionally inspired that part of the story.

        As for why it was so broken up into sentences like that? I think it’s because it’s in first person and I felt like Yelena’s thoughts would be separated like that. Or at least it was in my head, almost like they’d all be separate thought bubbles in a comic. It’s just how I naturally wrote it. Didn’t even realize I was doing it at first.

    2. Lunabear Avatar

      Oh, Marx. This is as beautiful as it is brutal. Then growing closer with each defeated for, Yelena seeing different sides of him and learning to love them all to make up his whole being. It’s spectacular and heartwarming. Also, Yelena acknowledging her self destructive behavior while also still feeling shame and hesitancy about it is achingly human.

      Him taking out her enemies BECAUSE she is unable to and doesn’t even fear for his own safety or life is a magnificent display of power and protectiveness.

      You’ve done a wonderful job of writing enemies to lovers (one of my absolute favorite types of stories) and the prompt is so flawlessly integrated that I forgot that’s what propelled this story. I especially adore that Yelena allows the Old One to extinguish his rage rather than trying to stop him.

      The kicker here for me is that the title is from Beauty and the Beast, which is my favorite Disney movie! Thank you, thank you for writing and sharing this. It’s beyond phenomenal. Congratulations for getting out four in a row! I can’t wait to see what you post next!

      1. Thank you so much! I think the most successful stories are the ones that you can easily forget that it’s a prompt because the story stands so well on it’s own so I take that as high praise indeed.

        It was really fun setting up that the demons weren’t a threat to him, they were a threat to her and that’s what made them his enemy.

        And I do really love writing this enemies to lovers week to week lol. Don’t know if I’ll be able to continue it on the next one or not but this will not be the last you see of them. Yelena still needs to name him after all.

    3. Strong Berry Avatar
      Strong Berry

      This narrative is most impressive. It takes some real skill to be able to make a story out of writing prompts and connect it all together in a way that works, and works very well! Most impressive thing I’ve seen in this writing group! Keep up the good work!

  33. Lee Trask Avatar
    Lee Trask

    My Burden
    By Kotold

    “I don’t think this is a good idea.” She was right, of course, though she did nothing to resist as I pulled the shirt over her head. Her hair fell back down across her shoulders and chest bouncing playfully across bare skin. The bright red of the hair matched the burning fire in my blood. I had no intention of debating the issue.

    She was always right. But our timing never worked out. What was I supposed to do? Decades of being there at an arm’s length. Childhood memories, school, weddings, and funerals. She was always there and always right. Now gods and stars alike aligned as she lay there for me. Were they wrong?

    It was her bed. Her’s and her husband’s. He was a good guy, treated her well, and supported the family. He even treated me like a brother, never jealous of my relationship with her. Where he traveled to escaped me in the heat of the moment. Why she let me get this close tonight eluded me as well.

    Decades of looking but never touching, one couldn’t lobby a charge of lustful impulse. The roots of our connection ran deep through joint nurturing. Had she thought about this moment as long as I have? She obviously knew its wrongness, but did she also know its rightness?

    She raised a hand to me, inviting me to join her. What was I supposed to do?

    ***

    The lighter sparked and hissed several times as I frantically tugged at it with my thumb. Finally! I sucked in a deep breath as the flame lit the cigarette. My hands shook. I pulled another drag. The warmth of the smoke was a welcome contrast to the chill of the night’s air.

    “Breath damn it!” I commanded myself. The rush of the cigarette spread across me mixing with the hotness of my blood. As tension slipped away, a tear finally rolled down my face as it dawned on me the weight of my decision.

    She was right of course: it was a bad idea.

    1. Lunabear Avatar

      I love that you took this route, Kotold. Not too many people write about an affair. The fact that they both acknowledge this is wrong, the fact that the husband is a really good guy and treats the wife well, the fact that this guy and the husband are practically best friends, all conveyed in a very calm and rational way, really hits a certain level of sociopathy for me. Not in the sense that he’s going to go off the deep end and things like that, but in the sense that they are acknowledging human nature and the lust component for each other while she is committed to another person.

      Brutally honest. That’s one of the best ways I can think to describe this. The guilt and anger at the end is really impactful. It says a lot about human psychology, and how we prefer to put a lot of our desires ahead of our needs and priorities and commitments.

      Another thing that I really appreciate is that the narrator acknowledges the fact that he doesn’t know where the husband goes to travel for work. To me, this indicates that the husband considers the narrator in a much higher regard than the narrator considers the husband. I love that we’re in the narrator’s head for this, as well. And the narrator also ponders about if she wanted it as much as he did, but the wife doesn’t protest other than saying it was a bad idea. But she still goes through with it. I’m also curious about what her thought process is after it’s finished.

      Critiques:

      Her hair fell back down across her shoulders and chest(,) bouncing playfully across bare skin.

      It was her bed. (Hers) and her husband’s.

      This is a really well written and wonderful story. It’s one of the scarier and sadder aspects of life. You go through who knows what with a person, get married, and think you know everything about them, only for it to turn out to be unfaithfulness in the end. Honestly, the fallout, if there ever is one, is going to be wild, and I hope you write about it if you feel compelled to come back to this storyline. Either way, it’s still a great story, and I am excited to see what you post next. Thank you so very much for writing and sharing this one.

      1. Lee Trask Avatar
        Lee Trask

        Thank you for your generous words. I almost deleted the story actually. Upon seeing this week’s prompt, I read the first half of it, and this piece quickly poured out of me. Shortly after completing my writing, I finished reading the challenge to do something wholesome and uplifting. I feel bad mine wasn’t that. But there was too much of my personal story in this piece. Sadly I know these characters all too well. Unfortunately I also already know the next chapter of this story. And the chapter after that… Putting words to those chapters–words to all those feelings–might just be too much to bear.

    2. Aracnarquista Avatar
      Aracnarquista

      Well, most of what I was about to say about this piece would be an echo of what Luna has already said. I really like to see a piece that went this route. And I really like the way the whole situation is presented – yeah, there is a lot we are acknowledging is wrong here… still, we go on with it. The situation just got to this moment, realization is not enough to deter an error that is a wanted error.

      And this hit like a truck. We know from before that it will hit, and even then, the ending still hits like a truck.

      Also, please don’t feel bad about not following the challenge. Although this piece is a bit heavy, it also deals with the subject matter in a proper way – to me, it felt cathartic to read it.

      Thanks a lot for sharing this one.

    3. Hot damn, this one really gets to you. It just feels so real. You used the word limit expertly here, and tastefully as well, I might add. This subject matter would be very tricky to get across, but you succeeded.

      After all, it’s not the act itself that’s focused on here, its everything surrounded the act. The history of it, the morality of it and in the end, the aftermath. I also love that it was a happy marriage. That makes the gut punch that much worse because when every single part of that situation is wrong, you have no choice but to accept that you’re doing it out of selfishness, which is… heavy.

      And you definitely got that heaviness across. I’m glad you decided to post this. I fully agree with Anarchrista that this is a very cathartic read.

      Great take on the prompt!

    4. She was right of course: it was a bad idea.

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